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("Upside Down" by Paloma Faith)
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♪ Angels watching over me
with smiles upon their face
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- Evening.
- Hello. Thank you.
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♪ Cos I have made it through this far
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♪ In an unforgiving place
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♪ It feels sometimes
this hills too steep
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♪ For a girl like me to climb
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♪ But I must knock
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♪ Those thoughts right down
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♪ I do it in my own time
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♪ I don't care
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♪ I'm halfway there
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♪ (Nowhere)
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♪ On a road that leads me straight
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♪ To who knows where
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♪ I tell you what
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♪ (I tell you what)
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♪ What I have found
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♪ (What I have found)
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♪ That I'm no fool
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♪ (That I'm no fool)
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♪ I'm just upside down
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♪ (Just upside down)
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♪ Ain't got no cares
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♪ (Ain't got no cares)
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♪ I ain't got no rules
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♪ (Ain't got no rules)
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♪ I think I like
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♪ (I think I like)
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♪ Living upside down
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♪ (Living upside down)
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♪ Watching people scurry by
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♪ Rushing to and fro
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♪ Oh, this world is such a crazy place
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♪ It's all about the go, go, go
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♪ Sometimes life can taste so sweet
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♪ When you slow it down
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♪ You start to see the world
a little differently
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♪ When you turn it upside down
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♪ I don't care
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- I I'm halfway there
- a' (Nowhere)
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♪ And I'm just soaking up
the magic in the air
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- a' I tell you what
- I (I tell you what...)
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Come on. (chuckles)
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- ♪ That I'm no fool
- ♪ (That I'm no fool)
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- I I'm just upside down
- I (Just upside down)
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- I Ain't got no cares
- 4' (Ain't got no cares)
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♪ I ain't got no rules
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♪ (Ain't got no rules)
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♪ I think I like
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♪ (I think I like)
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♪ Living upside down
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♪ (Living upside down)
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Hi.
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What?
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Hello, Ryan. I'm Nancy.
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What's this? Why...
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Has it... What's your...
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Hey...
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It's too much, I think.
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That's funny, look at that.
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It's Ryan, right? Isn't it? It's Ryan...
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I mean, not as in Ryan Wright.
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Like, your name's not Ryan Wright.
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Though you could be.
You could be Mr Ryan Wright.
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You could be Mr Right. (chuckles)
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Either way you're the right Ryan for me.
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Oh, my God.
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You can do this.
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You just put yourself out there.
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See what happens.
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Just don't drink too much.
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(Scoffs)
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Good. And you're going.
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You're going. You're gone.
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- ♪ I think I like
- ♪ (I think I like)
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- I Living upside down
- I (Living upside down)
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(door closes)
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Fuck it.
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(woman on TV)
There is a very, very nice beach.
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Terns nest there. It's beautiful.
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(marl) Terns?
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If I help you, Clarice,
it will be turns with us, too.
84
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Quid pro quo.
I tell you things, you tell me things.
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Not about this case, though;
about yourself. Quid pro quo.
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Yes or no?
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- (knock at door)
- Yes or no, Clarice?
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- Poor little Catherine is waiting...
- (switches TV off)
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- Hi.
- Hi.
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- Room service.
- Yes. Right this way.
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Lovely. Yes. Great.
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- (man) There, lovely.
- Hmm...
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- OK?
- So, tell me, Andrew...
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- Can I call you Andy?
- Of course, yeah.
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How is the party going on downstairs?
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- Going pretty well, I think.
- ls it?
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Yeah. Erm, you know
there's food down there?
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Yeah, I know. I'm just not really
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- in the party mood tonight.
- (phone rings)
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Do you have any ketchup, Andy, please?
Hello?
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Who's Andy?
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A very nice young man
who's just brought me dinner.
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You're not at the party?
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I'm not at the party
but I'm at a party.
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Hannibal and Clarice are here. Not to
mention Andy. But he's just leaving.
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No, alright. Put him on, please.
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Andy. My sister
would like to speak to you.
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- Sorry.
- Thank you.
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(clears throat) Hello?
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Hi, Andy. I'm Elaine. Listen.
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There 'II be a dress hanging up
somewhere. Can you give it to her?
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Ah, yeah. OK.
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No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no...
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No. No. Andy.
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- And tell her to put some make-up on.
- She wants you to put some make-up on.
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OK. That's enough. Do you have
a napkin or something, please?
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Look, Elaine, I've been ambushed.
Some setup with a guy
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- that Katie worked with.
- Well, excellent. This is good.
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Come on! It's just all so organised
and awkward and I can't bear it.
120
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But how the hell else
are you gonna meet someone?
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Well, I've met Andy.
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Oh, he's leaving. He didn't like that.
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Could you put the "Do Not Disturb"
sign on, please?
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No, don't do it, Andy.
Take her with you!
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- Ah, you're yelling.
- (door closes)
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You've gone all the way there.
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Just put your dress on.
Just pop down, show your face.
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- Stay ten minutes.
- The party's themed, Elaine.
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Oh, God, really? Get your notepad.
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No, please.
Come on, I'm too old for this shit.
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You're 34, not 84.
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- (sighs)
- Come on, let's hear those mantras.
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(clears throat)
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- Put yourself out there.
- Good.
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- Take chances.
- Now a little less hollow and robotic.
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Get stronger thighs.
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(chatter from party)
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Be more deviant.
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Learn French. Cook more.
140
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Understand the Israeli-Palestinian
conflict better.
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Engage with...
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(loud music I chatter)
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...life.
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Finally! Nearly sent out
a search party.
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Call them off.
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- Here, have a mojito. First one's free.
- OK, well... Alright.
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Paid for them all with my savings
and now I have no savings.
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(chuckles) Aw. Happy engagement.
I got you, literally, a small present.
149
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I am so touched that you thought of me
when you raided the mini-bar.
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(Squeals)
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- Wow.
- Here she is, here she is.
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Oh, Nancy, you look amazing!
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- Cheers.
- He's gonna love her. Come on.
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I need just a moment longer
with my mojito and then I can jump in.
155
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He hates Facebook. He loves yoga.
156
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- He's really creative...
- Oh, good, yeah.
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- He is perfect for you.
- I knew you'd say that.
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- Oh, come on.
- Alright, alright.
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We were set up and look at us now.
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Dom, it is like your single years have
been completely wiped from your memory.
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I mean, do you remember
that one girl who just cried?
162
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She cried all the way through giving you
a blow job. She was weeping.
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(mimics choking /weeping)
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(chuckles) So sad.
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And look at you now.
166
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And look at you both.
Yeah, really special.
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- Come on, give him a chance.
- Yeah, I will. Bring it on.
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You know, like me, another sad
single loser in their mid-30s, right?
169
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:22,090
No. I'm actually a sad single loser
in my late 30s.
170
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Hey!
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(all laugh awkwardly)
172
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He was right there.
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I was crying with happiness.
174
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- Oh, erm...
- Sorry.
175
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Ryan. 37.
176
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Nancy. 34.
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Sorry, my hand's a bit wet.
It's not wee.
178
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- Right.
- It's mojito.
179
00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:43,883
I mean, I didn't think it was wee.
180
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:47,521
Why would it be wee? That would imply
very poor personal hygiene.
181
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,762
I mean, I don't wipe with my hand.
182
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I use toilet paper
just like everyone else does.
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- Well, that's a relief.
- Hm.
184
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So is wee in a way,
if you think about it.
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(both laugh awkwardly)
186
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(Nancy) Hm...
187
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(Ryan) Hm...
188
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(Nancy hums quietly)
189
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:20,521
- Oh, how about another drink?
- Yeah, that would be great. Yeah.
190
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,766
- Let me get these.
- Oh, no, it's fine.
191
00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:29,888
- No, it's alright.
- No, no, seriously.
192
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,531
- OK, you can get them.
- You get them?
193
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:36,685
- I'll get them, shall I?
- Great, cheers. Thank you.
194
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Ah... Busted.
195
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,765
You've got a picture of your ex
in the old wallet.
196
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,729
Oh, no, that's my sister.
197
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:51,806
Oh. She's very pretty.
I bet she gets all "ze boyz".
198
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,443
She's dead.
199
00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:57,211
Wow. It's going so well.
200
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,930
No, Elaine, I've got pictures
of my cats in my wallet
201
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,525
and they're alive and kicking
202
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,728
and I want people
to ask me about them.
203
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:30,043
- Well, it's good that you went.
- Why is it good?
204
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:35,761
It's just so excruciating
and predictable, just as it always is.
205
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:39,447
I'm just gonna let my vagina
hermetically seal up.
206
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:42,291
- Yeah, well, that will really help.
- Never hurt Barbie.
207
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:46,081
(mouth full) She's got a beach buggy
and horses and a salon.
208
00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:47,400
And a boyfriend.
209
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,524
Is she still with that guy?
Such a fake smile.
210
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:51,886
(laughs)
211
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:54,770
- How long are you gonna be?
- Get your arse over here pronto.
212
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:58,049
We have a lot of nibbles
to put into a lot of bowls.
213
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,122
About two hours.
214
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,443
(tannoy) A reminder to all passengers
that due to engineering work
215
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:06,166
no trains are currently stopping
at Clapham Junction.
216
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,607
- About seven hours.
- What the fuck?!
217
00:11:08,680 --> 00:11:11,650
- I'm joking.
- Not funny.
218
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,722
- I can't do this on my own.
- Hello.
219
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,643
And don't forget the chocolate mousse.
220
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,007
Mum's obsessed.
And you've done your speech?
221
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:19,286
I've got a rough draft.
222
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:22,250
You haven't. You've done
a lot of doodles and crossing out.
223
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,607
- I mean, as if.
- Come on.
224
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:26,648
You know Dad loves it
when you do a speech.
225
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,564
So it needs to be good and special.
OK?
226
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:30,880
Fine.
227
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,291
- Oh, and Nancy?
-Yeah'?
228
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:36,684
Don't seal up just yet.
It'll happen. I promise.
229
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:38,603
Yeah, yeah. Fuck off.
230
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:45,921
Oh.
231
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,290
Black...
232
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,010
"Pant"
233
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:53,969
...wash.
234
00:11:58,080 --> 00:11:59,889
Sorry.
235
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,645
I couldn't help overhearing.
236
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:06,088
You should really think about
reading this.
237
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,162
Right. Right, right, right, right.
238
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,760
- Did it, then?
- Did it what?
239
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:15,411
- Change your life.
- Oh, erm...
240
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,524
- Maybe. Yeah.
- But maybe not as well?
241
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:22,889
Well, I like to give everything a go,
because otherwise what's the point?
242
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:27,921
You've got to hope it's going to work.
Because what is life without hope?
243
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,281
- Death.
- Death it is, then.
244
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:34,125
(laughs)
You see, you do need to read it.
245
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:37,522
I would lend you my copy
but I need it for my date.
246
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:41,525
- Why do you need a book for a date?
- It's how we'll recognise each other.
247
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,410
Oh, it's a setup? They always work.
248
00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:48,366
They often work if the matchmaker
has done their homework.
249
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:52,365
All successful relationships are based
on whether you're both outdoorsy...
250
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:53,885
- Read it.
- Don't need to.
251
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,167
- It was a best seller.
- So was The Da Vinci Code.
252
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,005
- Another excellent book.
- Not an excellent book.
253
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,845
- I think it's what you need.
- Why does everyone tell me that?
254
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:04,400
If they're always telling you,
you should listen.
255
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:07,763
I think you need to shh.
You need to shh your mouth.
256
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,887
- You want me to shh?
- I do, yeah. It would be great.
257
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,849
- I'm only suggest...
- It's time.
258
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,048
I think... I think we're done.
259
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,010
(tannoy) Ladies and gentlemen,
260
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,766
we are now arriving at our final
destination, London Waterloo.
261
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:51,690
- Sorry. Excuse me.
- I say.
262
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:55,371
Ow. Shit.
263
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:11,125
(Nancy groans)
264
00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:13,530
(barrier beeps)
265
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,891
- What?
- (barrier beeps)
266
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,689
- Excuse me, please.
- What?!
267
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,762
- There you go.
- Cheers.
268
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:51,649
- Where the fuck are you?
- Blimey, I'm not that late, am I?
269
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,927
Somebody threw themselves
on the track again.
270
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,526
I don't blame them,
there's so many delays. (laughs)
271
00:14:56,600 --> 00:15:00,047
Hey, what a great way for us to
recognise each other. What a great idea.
272
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:03,841
Although I think it would have been hard
to miss you under that huge clock.
273
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,046
No, no, no...
274
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:08,203
What do we do in terms of saying hello?
I never know where to pitch it.
275
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,362
Is it a handshake? ls it a hug?
ls it formal?
276
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:13,728
You know what, we're adults.
Let's just go in... Too soon for that?
277
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:15,848
- Hello, there.
- (phone rings)
278
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:19,129
Oh, my God, that's not your
emergency exit phone call already?
279
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,602
I haven't had a chance
to use any of my best lines yet.
280
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,762
That wasn't one of them,
if you were worried.
281
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,524
Listen, I'll handle this, madam.
282
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:29,285
Hello, caller. Yes, we have met.
283
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,091
I am not a complete psychopath
and we've really hit it off.
284
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:35,004
She will call you later
with all the gory details.
285
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:37,765
So thank you for calling and goodbye.
There, done.
286
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:42,084
Alright! So, book, check.
And clock, check.
287
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,084
And blind date. Check!
288
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:53,042
Usually in this situation I would say
something and you'd say something back.
289
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,124
And then we'd talk about what we're
gonna do and exchange ideas.
290
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,646
You know, sort of
"quid pro quo, Clarice".
291
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,203
(laughs)
292
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,409
In hindsight, that wasn't the best
impression to do on a first date
293
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:09,570
because it... it brings to mind...
Anyway, I'm talking a lot
294
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,371
and I know you can sense it.
So I'm gonna just keep going
295
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:13,930
and I'm gonna start the bidding
296
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,083
with a drink on London's
fashionable South Bank.
297
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:20,403
So, as the book says,
what are you waiting for?
298
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:27,722
I am waiting for you.
299
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,971
- Good. Good.
- Yeah.
300
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:34,169
OK. Shall we...? After you, my lady.
301
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,764
- I'm not a knight.
- (laughs)
302
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:39,320
(man) Yeah, let's do it.
We'll go out this way...
303
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:52,685
What do you think?
Good stuff for the first few hours?
304
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,127
Descending in quality as we do.
305
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,249
I'd go quality and quantity, Bert.
It's a massive night.
306
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,403
You're right. We bloody deserve it.
307
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,443
Let's go mental.
308
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:07,007
Seriously, you do deserve it.
I don't know how you've done it.
309
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:10,402
Not that I don't intend to go
the whole distance myself, obviously.
310
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,842
I think the trick is, get through
the first 30, 40 years,
311
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:17,720
then just kind of give up.
From that point on it's a breeze.
312
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,802
- No, I mean it.
- How are we getting on?
313
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,087
- We are nailing it.
- That's great.
314
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,640
You can put about
half those lagers back, Adam.
315
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,882
What does Nancy want to drink?
316
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,281
- I'm not sure if...
- (Bert) She wants vodka.
317
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,443
The only spirit she can out-drink me on.
We'll see about that later.
318
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:33,721
No, we won't.
319
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:37,327
Guys, she didn't even answer the phone.
Some man did. I think she's on a date.
320
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,971
The man from last night?
I thought that didn't work out.
321
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:41,849
It didn't. It was a disaster.
322
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:44,810
- He was in love with his sister.
- Who answered the phone, then?
323
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,406
Dad, I don't know.
He said he wasn't a psychopath.
324
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,568
Well, that sounds encouraging.
325
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:53,167
We're having a party. She's on a date.
I'm thinking she's gonna bring him.
326
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,322
- Bert!
- If he's not a psychopath.
327
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,290
Did he sound like a wine drinker
or more of a beer man?
328
00:17:58,360 --> 00:17:59,441
(mother) Bert!
329
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,040
- I'm just getting some more wine.
- Course you are.
330
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,726
The good host is prepared
for all eventualities.
331
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,768
Come on, Pattersons, clock's ticking.
332
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,161
Fran, you walk straight past that offer.
333
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,721
So, what's going on? ls Nancy OK?
334
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,804
Yes. Yes, Mum, she's fine. She's just...
335
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,121
- He's looking forward to her speech.
- I know.
336
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,044
- So she is coming?
- Yes, of course she's coming.
337
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:27,363
Look, do you want me to write
a few words? You know, just in case.
338
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,088
Not really, darling, no.
339
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:33,243
Oh, God. That is horrible.
340
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:34,765
I'm sorry.
341
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:38,049
- I'll give her a call, then.
- Yes, please do, darling.
342
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,210
(Nancy's date) Ah...
343
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,881
(he breathes deeply)
344
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,687
- You OK? You seem a bit freaked out.
- Do I?
345
00:18:58,760 --> 00:18:59,886
- Yeah.
- (phone rings)
346
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:03,089
Gosh. Sorry, just bit of
a first-date no-no...
347
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,811
- (phone rings)
- Oh, my God, that's embarrassing.
348
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,008
- Oh, it's Tom.
- Oh.
349
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,241
Hey,buddy.
350
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:13,566
Yeah, I'm here. I'm with Jessica.
351
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,768
Yeah, we're on the South Bank.
352
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,366
Yeah, d'you wanna speak to her?
Alright.
353
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,411
We will.
354
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:27,129
Yeah. OK, Tom.
Yeah, I'm gonna hang up now.
355
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,884
Yeah, OK. Bye. Bye.
356
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,725
- He thought we hadn't met up.
- As if.
357
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:36,043
- Shall we switch these things off?
- Yeah. OK, good.
358
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:39,445
Right. So, Jessica.
359
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:40,800
So...
360
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:44,805
- Tom says that you work in the City.
- I do, yeah. That's what I do.
361
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,611
- Is that a stressful job?
- Ah, no.
362
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,001
- "Lunch is for wimps."
- (both laugh)
363
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:51,081
Sorry.
364
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,208
- No, no, it's from Wall Street.
- Yeah.
365
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:56,443
"If you need a friend, get a dog."
I love that movie.
366
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,006
- You do?
- Yeah, it's one of my favourites.
367
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:02,323
- And you are a...?
- I'm an online marketing manager.
368
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,529
I love online marketing managing.
369
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,246
What I really wanna do is paint.
370
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,891
I don't wanna be an online
marketing manager forever
371
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:15,203
because, you know,
the bots are taking over!
372
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,727
They're gonna be managing
all the marketing in the future.
373
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:23,124
- It's like "help".
- Exactly, yeah. Erm...
374
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,248
- I'm a bit nervous, to be honest.
- Really?
375
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:30,451
Yeah. A little bit. Just a little bit.
I'm not used to all this dating chat.
376
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:34,804
Although, you know, I had a few
reservations about today,
377
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,770
but I just thought,
"You know what, Jack? I trust Tom."
378
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:41,890
He's not gonna set me up with somebody
who I've nothing in common with.
379
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,041
- And he's a good friend, right?
- Who, Tom?
380
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,043
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'd take a bullet for him.
381
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:50,567
Yeah. So, shall we
get a beer or something?
382
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,450
- There's one of those pop-up bars.
- Sure, that'll be great.
383
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,245
They appear out of nowhere,
then they're gone the next day.
384
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,881
This can't be our favourite place
because it'll be gone in the morning.
385
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:03,043
- Can we get two Red Stripes?
- That'd be great.
386
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:04,724
- So...
- So...
387
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,883
Where are you on the old, you know,
the relationship...
388
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,689
the spectrum of relationships?
389
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:14,049
- It's my mime for relationships.
- That's good. Right.
390
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:16,851
Well, I guess long-term-wise it's...
391
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,843
It's been a while.
392
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,605
- Since Pete, right?
- Since Pete.
393
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,125
Tom told me. Massive cock.
394
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,247
- Really?
- Huge.
395
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,243
- It wasn't that big...
- What he did to you.
396
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:27,606
- ...a deal.
- Unforgivable.
397
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:29,921
I know how it feels.
I had it done to me, you know.
398
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,571
- Affairs, eh? Who'd have them?
- Yeah...
399
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:33,880
- They would.
- They would.
400
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,440
The other people would.
401
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,291
So where are you on the... spectrum?
402
00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:43,046
On the spectrum? I think recently,
I've had a few one-night stands.
403
00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:46,647
You know, just girls I've met at work
404
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,405
and in bars and just, like,
on the street.
405
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:56,041
But this is my first real date really
since the D-word.
406
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,081
- Dead sister?
- Sorry?
407
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,970
Just something I say before I drink.
Dead sister.
408
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:03,166
Dead sister.
409
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,722
But I'm not gonna let a failed marriage
put me off relationships for good.
410
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,211
Divorce.
411
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,931
You be thankful that
you and Pete didn't get hitched.
412
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,766
It gets a lot more complicated when you
have to figure out who gets the flat.
413
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:16,285
Winner.
414
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,242
- I did.
- Yeah.
415
00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:23,761
I got big home-improvement plans.
I'm gonna do up our... my flat.
416
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:25,922
Paint the hallways, bleach the sheets.
417
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,049
Anyway, let's not talk about that.
It's just bad juju.
418
00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:31,407
- And I'm so over it.
- You really sound it.
419
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:35,081
It's in the past. What does it say
in Six Billion People and You?
420
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,891
- F... Fuck the past.
- Fuck the past, yeah.
421
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,964
If that book has taught me anything,
it's taught me that.
422
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,407
So, Tom says you're a triathlete.
423
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,121
- Hm-hmm.
- Do you have to train a lot for that?
424
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,931
Yeah, I've just got
to regularly carb up.
425
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,331
Ah! Yeah, yeah.
426
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,529
Go on then. I don't mind.
I've actually worked out today...
427
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:58,571
I work out every day.
I like to keep fit. I pump iron, sure.
428
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:01,360
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
429
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:05,286
This is nice, isn't it? I don't envy
any of my friends with kids.
430
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:07,806
Are they here now? Hell, no.
431
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:11,327
They're at home lying in wait
for the next nappy change.
432
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:12,686
Not that I don't want kids.
433
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,048
I'm 40. They're not gonna be swimming
in the right direction forever.
434
00:23:16,120 --> 00:23:19,966
But just not right now. I should
probably get a girlfriend first.
435
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:24,728
I definitely want kids. I'm just not
freaking out about it yet.
436
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,406
I mean, why would you? You're 24.
437
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:32,807
D'you wanna get out of here?
It is fucking freezing
438
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:36,202
and I know a really fun place
just over the river.
439
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:40,285
We can get shots and maybe hang out
a bit more if you feel like it.
440
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,764
- Yeah, I'd love that.
- OK.
441
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:51,047
- (Jack) This is gonna be fun.
- (Nancy) Yeah. What is it?
442
00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:52,884
(Jack) It's like a cantina.
443
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,804
It's a bit cheesy
but you can have slammers and...
444
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:01,529
oh, wow. Arriba!
445
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:04,210
- Hey, man.
- How's it going?
446
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:08,526
- Are you a regular here?
- Well, define "regular". What is it?
447
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,887
- Hi, Jack.
- Hey, Helen, how's it going?
448
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:12,007
Oh, so you...
449
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:13,241
Ah! Snap.
450
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:15,163
- We're swapping, right?
- Swapping?
451
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,926
For the genius Six Billion Ways to get
to know you list that you suggested.
452
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,571
Is that your one?
Mine's at the front. OK...
453
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,211
- (she clears her throat)
- Hm...
454
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:26,931
Let's have a look, shall we?
OK, then.
455
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,368
Shall I read yours first?
"Put yourself out there."
456
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,251
"Take chances."
457
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:37,290
- "Black pant wash."
- It's a band.
458
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,207
- Are they new?
- Yeah, they're new.
459
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:43,727
They're... They're fresh. Very young.
They're my favourite band.
460
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,451
Oh, yeah, of course.
Yeah, they're very, er, funky.
461
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,561
"Get stronger thighs."
462
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:53,201
Hey, this is spooky.
I also love spaghetti bolognese.
463
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:55,009
What are the chances of that?
464
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,402
- Like none chances.
- I know. That's the lists done.
465
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,090
- Yeah!
- And didn't they go well?
466
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:01,924
- Really great.
- That was...
467
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,731
- (Nancy) Look, let me get this.
- No, I should get it.
468
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,167
- Please, let me.
- OK. I'll get the next ones.
469
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,005
- Oh, my God. Who are they?
- Who, what?
470
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:14,290
- These guys.
- Oh, this is Slash and Axl.
471
00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:15,691
Oh.
472
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:17,285
Paradise Kitties.
473
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:22,248
- I blew it, sorry. That was no good.
- Er...
474
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:28,369
Jack. I've got a confession to make
and I'm just gonna...
475
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,522
- So have I.
- "come out with it. You have?
476
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,968
- I have, yeah. Let me go first. I...
- OK.
477
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:36,883
I've never heard of Black Pant Wash.
478
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:41,401
I'm sorry. I wanna be honest with you,
because honesty is very important...
479
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:42,567
Yes, I agree.
480
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,042
These lists are great
and they're a brilliant ice-breaker,
481
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:49,761
but you don't really believe that
just because we both like spag bol,
482
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,650
we're gonna wind up together
forever, right?
483
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:56,167
- Depends on the spag bol.
- Might be a really good spag bol.
484
00:25:56,240 --> 00:26:00,086
But right now, whatever happens tonight,
wherever we end up,
485
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,970
I'm having a really good time
getting to know you.
486
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:07,250
And you're being really patient with me,
so thank you for that.
487
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,243
And I don't know why I brought you here.
488
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,891
It was a stupid idea
and I think we should...
489
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,611
Let's do something different.
Let's go someplace else.
490
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:18,241
- Tom said you liked bowling.
- I love bowling.
491
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,767
OK, so shall we have a couple more
and then hit the lanes?
492
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:27,081
C)I(-
493
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,722
("Shoot First" by The Jim Jones Revue)
494
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:39,561
♪ Well, you can live any way you want
495
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,091
♪ But you're sure gonna find out soon
496
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,885
♪ When profession ain't what you got
497
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:53,287
♪ Soon be singing another tune, hey!
498
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,647
♪ Shoot first
499
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,363
♪ Ask questions later
500
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:07,250
♪ Shoot first
501
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,729
♪ Ask questions later
502
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,201
♪ It don't matter who you are
503
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,203
♪ What you got or looking for
504
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:20,602
♪ You better get yourself
out of the dark
505
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,967
♪ Shoot first
506
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:27,127
♪ Ask questions later
507
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:37,324
Who said blind dates don't work?
Right? Am I right? Yeah.
508
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,641
- I'm gonna go get us a drink.
- OK.
509
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,806
- Nancy?
- Yeah?
510
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:50,166
It's Nancy Patterson.
511
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:54,367
- Do we know each other?
- Sean. Sean Bellamy.
512
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:58,091
Class 5G, Saint Andrew's Comprehensive.
'88 to '93.
513
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:00,848
I sat next to you in chemistry
for five years.
514
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:02,843
I gave you that Valentine's card
in Year 9.
515
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:04,763
You tore it up in front of everyone.
516
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:08,242
- Your mum ran me over that time.
- Oh, God. Yes, I do remember.
517
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:09,401
- (he laughs)
- Shh.
518
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:11,966
- Erm, sorry about that.
- Oh, God, don't worry.
519
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,850
Glued it back together.
It was only about 57 pieces.
520
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:15,967
I meant about the car.
521
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:18,168
- But you were so...
- Fat. Yes.
522
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,447
- Yeah.
- That was me, big fat Sean.
523
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:22,289
Lord of the Pies. Emperor Boom-Boom.
524
00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:24,806
- Now you're very...
- Yeah, I went on the 5:2 diet.
525
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:28,043
Five days on chocolate Nesquik.
and two days strawberry Nesquik.
526
00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:31,283
- Oh, OK.
- I lost it all from here and from here.
527
00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:33,283
But luckily not from here.
528
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:37,409
- Could I just have two beers, please?
- Hell, yeah.
529
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:42,203
- It's Nancy fucking Patterson. (laughs)
-Shush.
530
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,650
(Sear!) Wow!
531
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:49,931
. HEY”
. HEY-
532
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,843
- These are on me.
- OK.
533
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:54,364
So good to see you.
534
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:55,885
Thank you.
535
00:28:57,680 --> 00:28:59,205
OK, cheers.
536
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:06,283
- Ah. Flirting with the barman, I see.
- What? No.
537
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:08,931
- Not at all, no.
- I was, like, "Whoa, competition."
538
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,651
No, I wasn't. I'm the least jealous
person you'll meet.
539
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:13,210
Oh, God, me, too, yeah.
540
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:14,327
So,
541
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:16,243
let's ramp this up a bit.
542
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:17,845
Not that I'm competitive.
543
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:20,451
(Sean) Nancy.
544
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,083
Brought you some nachos. On the house.
545
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,527
- I've got a wheat allergy...
- No, you don't.
546
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,090
(chuckles)
547
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:28,730
You remember this?
548
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:32,449
- What is it? Where'd you get that?
- In my wallet.
549
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:34,449
- Who took it?
- I did.
550
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:36,847
I don't remember you ever
being in my bedroom.
551
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:40,447
I wasn't in your bedroom, silly.
I was outside. In a tree.
552
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:43,166
- Jessica, watch and weep.
- (Nancy) OK.
553
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:47,370
Why is he calling you Jessica?
You're called Nancy.
554
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,330
- You're Nancy Patterson.
- I'm in a bit of a situation here.
555
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,085
(sniffs)
Oh, you still use Pantene Pro-V.
556
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:56,130
That guy is not my boyfriend.
He's actually not even my date.
557
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,124
I sort of stole him from
underneath the clock at Waterloo
558
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:02,329
and I'm pretending to be the girl
he's supposed to be on a date with.
559
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:04,687
- So it's a bit... I don't know.
- Kinky.
560
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:06,410
(Jack) Hey, there.
561
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:09,967
- How's it going? I'm Jack.
- And I am Sean.
562
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:11,963
- He's Sean.
- There it is.
563
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:15,601
- So you guys know each other?
- We just went to school together.
564
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:19,287
- Yeah, we're old friends.
- We're old, old friends.
565
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:22,170
We used to have a bit of a thing
going on.
566
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:23,844
- Good for you.
- It was.
567
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:25,604
It really wasn't that good.
568
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:27,330
You never forget your first.
569
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:29,687
Lovely to see you
after all these years.
570
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,684
- We'll take it from here.
- (Sean) Hang on, Jessica.
571
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:34,922
Hey. What are you doing?
572
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:38,891
It would appear that I finally have you
over a barrel, Nancy Patterson.
573
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,282
Indeed, you are clearly not the girl
you used to be once.
574
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:47,321
Cool and confident. Now, stealing other
women's dates from under clocks.
575
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:50,131
You're working as a barman
in a novelty bowling alley so...
576
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:52,567
- Just as Mr Armstrong predicted.
- Who's that?
577
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:55,928
Our careers advisor at Saint Andrew's.
Do you not remember anything?
578
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:59,322
- No.
- Because I remember everything. Nancy!
579
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:04,201
Sean, I'm out bowling with a man who...
might actually have some potential
580
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:07,523
and not in just that
he's a really good bowler-type way.
581
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,251
So don't ruin it for me. Just be cool.
582
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:12,129
- OK, I will.
- Yeah?
583
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,807
- Uh-huh. If you give me a blow job.
- You what?
584
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:19,649
- Take it or leave it.
- Are you out of your fucking mind?
585
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:22,769
Come on, wouldn't hurt.
Just a tiny little blow job.
586
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,046
(smacks lips)
587
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:28,762
And then I won't dismantle your
web of deceit, Little Miss... Muffet.
588
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:32,731
- Not gonna give you a blow job, so...
- Hand job? Pearl necklace?
589
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:35,246
- Kiss? Please. Come on.
- Stop. Stop it. Stop it.
590
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:37,322
I just want to fulfill
a lifelong ambition.
591
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,131
OK, OK. I'll do one kiss. OK?
592
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:41,770
- With tongues?
- No tongues.
593
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:44,286
- Oh! But in the toilets.
- Yeah, in the toilets.
594
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,010
And it has to be tonight.
595
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:49,402
Otherwise I won't find you again
because you have no online presence.
596
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:50,726
- Can I go now?
- Yes.
597
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:53,451
- But I'll be watching you.
- I don't doubt that.
598
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:58,642
Oh, shit, shit, shit!
599
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:00,927
It's fine, they're fine.
600
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:04,243
Everyone'll just get drunk
and shove them down.
601
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:05,845
- They will.
- Yeah?
602
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:07,046
Look.
603
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:10,124
- Ooh, blimey, they're hot.
- Any word from Nancy?
604
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:12,202
Not... Not exactly.
605
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,044
(Fran) Oh, no. No, no.
606
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:17,920
But in her defence, she does have
a very good reason for her tardiness.
607
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,128
And she's right, Fran.
608
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:25,604
And who knows, maybe today will end up
being not just our anniversary.
609
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,523
(Elaine) Imagine that, Mum.
610
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:29,807
Oh, my God,
who would you worry about then?
611
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:31,882
Oh, Bert, you've slobbed.
612
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,645
- What? Where?
- Christ. What is this now?
613
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:36,404
It's hummus.
614
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:38,921
Take it off. Off, off, off.
615
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,891
- (doorbell rings)
- Guests.
616
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,964
- Go get 'em, parents.
- (Fran) Bert, shift your arse.
617
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:47,166
(Bert) I'm going!
618
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:49,004
(Fran) Marion, you made it!
619
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:51,606
I feel... l just feel like...
I feel hustled.
620
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,524
Because I won?
Are you not used to that?
621
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:57,251
I'm not really used
to losing at bowling.
622
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,565
Oh, can't I keep them?
623
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:03,166
You think it's the first time
he's heard that?
624
00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:05,607
They're cute. Well, maybe tonight.
625
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,209
Let's not forget this.
Keep you nice and warm.
626
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:14,040
- Are you saving that for later?
- What?
627
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:16,521
Got a bit of jalapeno in your teeth.
628
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:20,685
You've just got a little bit of spinach
or something jammed in.
629
00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:22,888
No, it's still there. It's...
630
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:24,962
Oh, my God. It's a good one.
631
00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:27,646
OK. No, it's not, though, is it?
632
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:31,042
- No, it's still wedged in.
- I'm just gonna nip to the ladies.
633
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:36,081
I'll just stay here and I'll think about
what we can get up to next.
634
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:37,844
(both laugh)
635
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:39,206
C)I(---
636
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:44,090
I'll just go in there and think about
what we can get up to next.
637
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:45,366
C)I(-
638
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,331
Nice.
639
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:08,167
What do you want to get up to next?
640
00:34:08,240 --> 00:34:11,562
Because I know
what I wanna get up to next.
641
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:14,967
I saw you were about to leave
so I took my break early.
642
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:18,806
Fucking hell, Sean!
Leaving? I wasn't leav...
643
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:21,731
Er, bye.
644
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:25,361
Fine. I'll put my clothes back on
and have a word with Jack about Jessica.
645
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:26,965
(groans)
646
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:30,090
So,
647
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:32,925
where do you wanna land
those luscious lips?
648
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:34,684
(breathes heavily)
649
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:36,888
(inhales I clears throat)
650
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:40,362
- We're gonna keep the door open.
- Now you're talking.
651
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:42,169
Right, let's just...
652
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:44,441
C)I(---
653
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:48,722
- Sean...
- ♪ Move closer
654
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,124
- ♪ Move your body real close
- I'd prefer you didn't sing that.
655
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:54,531
- Will you hold my face?
- Why?
656
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:55,886
It'll make it more romantic.
657
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:58,088
I don't think this could be
any more romantic.
658
00:34:58,160 --> 00:34:59,400
(he whines)
659
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:01,761
No, we said no tongues.
We said no... Hey!
660
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:03,330
(Jack) Jessica?
661
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:04,845
- Hey, man.
-Jack.
662
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:07,844
You'd been gone awhile
so I thought I'd come and find you.
663
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,844
- This is not what you think.
- I think I'm just gonna leave.
664
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:13,571
- No, wait. Please, let me explain.
- You don't have to.
665
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,803
I thought we had a connection
but you still have something for Sean.
666
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:19,406
I'm gonna leave you
to whatever fucking weird shit...
667
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:22,444
Jack,Jack,Jack.
Just slide it on down to chills-ville.
668
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:24,961
Don't be so harsh on Nancy.
669
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:27,327
Who's Nancy?
Why is he calling you Nancy?
670
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:30,847
- Why?
- It was my other pet name for her.
671
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:33,241
- After Nancy Reagan.
- Nancy Sinatra.
672
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:35,800
- I'm gonna go.
- OK, wait, hang on.
673
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:39,248
Wait, Jack, let me just tell you
the truth because...
674
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,448
now is as good a time as any
just to confess.
675
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:42,800
Confess what?
676
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:47,169
The reason Sean called me Nancy
was because I'm not called Jessica
677
00:35:47,240 --> 00:35:50,926
and the reason I'm not called Jessica
is because I'm not actually Jessica.
678
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:54,884
She's Nancy. She's Nancy Patterson.
(laughs)
679
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:58,407
Thank you, Sean. Can you put your
clothes back on and leave? Please.
680
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:01,205
- What about my kiss?
- Out. No. Jog on. Out!
681
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,770
Anyway, look, I was in here with him
682
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:09,322
because he said he wouldn't tell you
who I really was if I kissed him.
683
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,607
The truth is,
I'm not really your blind date.
684
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:15,207
You thought I was, what with the book,
the clock and the quid pro quo.
685
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:18,921
So you're not the girl
that I was supposed to meet earlier?
686
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,570
- No.
- What?!
687
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:23,405
I know! It sounds a bit mad.
But don't think of it as mad.
688
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:25,887
Think of it as impulsive.
689
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:28,042
What kind of person
stands underneath a clock
690
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:30,566
- waiting to steal someone's date?
- I wasn't waiting.
691
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:33,291
It's not stealing
in the conventional sense of the word.
692
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,091
That girl gave me her book
so that's why you thought I was her.
693
00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:38,771
No, I thought you were her
because you said you were.
694
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,569
Did I actually say that?
695
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,769
When were you thinking of telling me
about this bizarre decision?
696
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:47,561
- There wasn't actually a plan.
- I'm sure there wasn't a plan.
697
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,610
Because who would have a plan
for something so fucked up?
698
00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:53,411
I think people have done
worse things in the world.
699
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:57,161
- I'm racking my brains.
- That girl wasn't even right for you.
700
00:36:57,240 --> 00:37:01,086
We'll never know. I'll never meet her
because you stole her.
701
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:04,243
I was merely trying to meet my mate
in the modern world.
702
00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:07,847
- Who are you?
- I'm Nancy Patterson. Hello.
703
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,764
- Are you even a triathlete?
- That's the next thing you ask?
704
00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:13,923
- And where's Jessica?
- Probably gone home by now.
705
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,844
- Past her bedtime.
- Are you even 24?
706
00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:19,685
- Aw. Add another ten.
- What?
707
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:23,526
- Fuck you, Granddad.
- Not in six billion years.
708
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,887
- That was uncalled for.
- That was uncalled for?
709
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:27,849
- Yeah.
- Do you know what's uncalled for?
710
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:29,524
Derailing my date.
711
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:30,840
- OK.
- (girls laugh)
712
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:34,163
Laugh it up, girls. I am your future.
Just so you know.
713
00:37:34,240 --> 00:37:36,322
- (Jack) 34!
- (Nancy) 40:
714
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:38,971
- I think you're overreacting a bit.
- Really?
715
00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:40,724
- Yeah.
- How would you feel, Nancy,
716
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:43,280
if you'd been set up
with someone perfect for you
717
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:45,442
and some psycho
pretends to be them instead?
718
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:48,609
- Setups never work.
- Tom said we matched.
719
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:52,082
Please, she reads self-help books
and The Da Vinci Code.
720
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:54,640
She works in the City.
What does that even mean?
721
00:37:54,720 --> 00:37:56,210
When people say that?
722
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:59,250
It means she is a high-flying
24-year-old businesswoman...
723
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:02,005
24. You love that word.
It's your favourite word.
724
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:03,764
Isn't that just the classic response
725
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:07,162
of the lonely 34-year-old woman
desperate for somewhere to put her eggs.
726
00:38:07,240 --> 00:38:10,005
I'm nearly at my sexual peak.
It's all downhill for you.
727
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,287
Knock knock, who's there? Viagra!
728
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:13,964
The bitter look really suits you.
729
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:16,202
It doesn't surprise me
that Pete slept around.
730
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:18,681
Hang on a sec. Oh, oh, oh!
There is no Pete!
731
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:20,922
And there is no wife
because she left you.
732
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:23,924
Here's your theory. You think,
"I'm so wounded and rejected."
733
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:27,561
"Please, help me, younger woman,
who's nearly half my age."
734
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:30,530
This is coming from someone
who had to steal someone else's date
735
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:31,647
to even get one.
736
00:38:31,720 --> 00:38:34,849
At least I'm not walking around
like I'm bloody catch of the century.
737
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:38,367
Look at me with my own flat
and my online marketing management job.
738
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:41,250
But what I really want to do is paint.
739
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:43,641
- I am gonna paint. OK?
- Sure you are.
740
00:38:43,720 --> 00:38:46,530
Thank you very much, it was lovely
not getting to know you
741
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,649
and congratulations
on your massive pack of lies.
742
00:38:49,720 --> 00:38:52,564
- Where's my bag?
- That was all there was on the ticket.
743
00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:54,924
- Where's my bag?
- How should I know?
744
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,365
Why have I got your notepad?
745
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:59,762
Oh, f... Oh, my God,
we've left my bag at the cantina.
746
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,207
Your bag, not mine.
How many tequilas have you had?
747
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:04,647
- My divorce papers are in there.
- Ooh, sexy.
748
00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:07,291
- I came from the lawyers, alright?
- Sexier.
749
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:10,842
Your divorce papers...
and my notepad with my speech!
750
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:12,922
(Jack) What speech?
751
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,890
It's my folks' 40th wedding anniversary
tonight.
752
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:19,806
It just gets better. Not only do you
steal somebody else's blind date,
753
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:23,441
you stand up your parents on one of the
most important milestones of their life.
754
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:27,042
You really, really need to consider
your motivations for doing things
755
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:28,884
and not doing things.
756
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,122
- I'm gonna get my speech.
- Whatever. Taxi!
757
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:34,602
- What are you doing?
- Calling a cab so I can go to the bar.
758
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:36,967
- It's a ten-minute walk.
- No, it's 20 minutes.
759
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:40,442
- It's ten minutes!
- You seem awfully confident, Nancy.
760
00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:42,449
- Because it's a fact, Jack.
- It's a fact.
761
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:45,040
Is it a fact?
Like the fact that you're a triathlete.
762
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:47,088
- Great.
- Here's a good idea.
763
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:50,881
Why don't you run, swim and cycle to the
bar and we'll see who gets there first?
764
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,531
- What?
- You don't know what a triathlon is.
765
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:55,011
- Yes, I do.
- You do, do you?
766
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:57,367
- Yeah.
- Well, ready, steady...
767
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:00,764
"So!
768
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:06,804
Get stronger thighs!
769
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:09,164
Come on, come on, come on!
770
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:15,444
(chuckles Victoriously)
771
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:18,609
- Bye.
- Twat! Shit!
772
00:40:19,720 --> 00:40:20,881
(chuckles)
773
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:26,046
- (car horn)
- What?
774
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:31,126
No.
775
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:32,201
(rowdy chatter)
776
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:33,361
Shit.
777
00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:36,929
Excuse me. Why so many feathers?
778
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:43,241
Shit!
779
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:50,129
Hey. Sir. Kind person.
780
00:40:53,720 --> 00:40:55,165
Come OH, come OH, come OH.
781
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,321
Excuse me! Coming through.
782
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,129
Just go further up. It's on the left.
783
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:06,890
- Mind your back!
- (man shouts)
784
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:17,605
In your 40-year-old face!
785
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:21,207
- I thought you weren't competitive.
- I thought you weren't competitive.
786
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:24,966
You alright?
787
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:28,324
It's a tactical puke.
788
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:30,687
- It better be in there.
- Of course it will.
789
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:32,569
(loud chatter)
790
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:36,567
- Hey, you want some more tequila?
- (both) No!
791
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:39,007
- Is his man-bag here?
- It's a satchel, OK.
792
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:42,641
- I'm not used to carrying it.
- Alright, I'll go check.
793
00:41:42,720 --> 00:41:44,688
- Where are you going?
- Toilet.
794
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:47,206
- You gonna meet somebody?
- No, so don't follow me.
795
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:49,442
I have no intention of doing that again.
796
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:53,683
(music plays)
797
00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:01,086
Fuck!
798
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:14,009
(coughs)
799
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:22,288
(loud conversation)
800
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:29,411
(phone vibrates)
801
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:36,010
Hi, you've called Elaine.
802
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:39,004
Leave a message
and I'll get back to you. Thanks.
803
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:58,246
Nice one, Nancy.
804
00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:00,527
Really, really nice.
805
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:04,724
It's great stuff.
806
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:12,603
Hey, you know. New mantra. (chuckles)
807
00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:16,127
Stop being such a loser.
808
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:20,330
How about that?
809
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:38,524
Er...
810
00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:54,001
(m utters)
811
00:43:57,520 --> 00:43:58,885
(exhales heavily)
812
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:01,964
Yay.
813
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:24,530
- Do you even like bowling?
- I love bowling.
814
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:27,649
Great. So you weren't faking it
the whole night, then?
815
00:44:27,720 --> 00:44:30,121
- Bet you've said that line before.
- (scoffs)
816
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:33,570
Look...
817
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,367
Look, I realise
this is not my finest hour.
818
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:40,967
- Oh, you don't say?
- Yeah. I know.
819
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:47,161
In hindsight, agreeing to Sean's demands
was not the best decision
820
00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:48,685
that I've made all evening.
821
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:52,651
- You could've just told me the truth.
- I know and I was going to,
822
00:44:52,720 --> 00:44:55,291
I really was, but then...
823
00:44:57,040 --> 00:44:59,520
..."Jessica" was doing so well.
824
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:02,126
(clears throat) One man-bag.
825
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,168
- Thank you.
- Cheers.
826
00:45:06,240 --> 00:45:08,004
(laughs)
827
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:10,560
- What?
- Black Pant Wash.
828
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:15,170
Funky.
829
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:19,726
Idiot.
830
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:22,041
Idiot.
831
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:24,171
(Woman) Jack?
832
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:28,922
What are you doing here?
I thought we agreed.
833
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:30,286
What are you doing here?
834
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:32,567
- Hello, Jack.
- Fuck off, Ed.
835
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:35,928
I get this place between five and 10 pm
on a Saturday.
836
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,128
Sorry, I thought it was a Sunday.
837
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:41,044
I think we all know that you know
that it's not on a Sunday.
838
00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:44,124
Oh, how I miss that
pissy little diary of yours.
839
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:47,283
Do you still put an "M" in it
when it's moustache-dyeing week?
840
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:51,365
He didn't know. Hey, this is Nancy,
by the way. My girlfriend.
841
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:54,562
Nancy, this is Hilary,
my soon-to-be ex-wife,
842
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:56,688
and Ed, the man she left me for.
843
00:45:56,760 --> 00:46:00,446
- Come on, Jack.
- Yeah, come on, silly me.
844
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:03,962
You know what? We're all in
the same bar with our new partners.
845
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:07,283
Let's have a drink together.
We're adults, aren't we?
846
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:09,966
We're mature, stable adults.
847
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:12,042
- Come on. Have you got a table?
- Yeah.
848
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:14,930
- Is it "our" table?
- Not any more.
849
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,048
Good! Even better. Lead the way.
850
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:20,920
- Oh, my God. What is happening?
- Just go with it, darling.
851
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:22,809
Just go with it, Edward.
852
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:27,322
Oh, my God. You knew they'd be here.
That's why you brought me here earlier.
853
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:31,803
That is why I brought "Jessica" here.
Then I came to my senses and we left.
854
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:34,611
- But then you left my bag here...
- You left your bag.
855
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:38,401
And then you came out of the toilets
looking like... Hmm...
856
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:41,569
I just thought people have done
worse things in the world
857
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:44,689
and you are very good at pretending
to be people that you're not.
858
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:47,366
And you owe me, Nancy.
859
00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:49,726
Hm.
860
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:52,604
(Hilary laughs)
861
00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:59,568
(sighs) OK. What exactly
are you hoping to achieve?
862
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:02,968
I believe they call it "closure".
863
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:07,967
(loud conversation)
864
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:15,602
Missed a call from Nancy. She's not
even gonna make it for the speeches.
865
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:17,967
What the fuck do you think she's doing?
866
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:21,726
- What you always tell her to do.
- But not the greatest night to pick.
867
00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:24,087
But she's being spontaneous.
868
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:26,766
Be spontaneous
when there's nothing else planned.
869
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:28,444
Don't you think this is a bit...
870
00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:31,086
I'm gonna see what's happened
before I pass judgement.
871
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:32,889
Are you? Well, good for you.
872
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:36,089
Jesus, when has she ever done
anything like this before?
873
00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:39,004
- Well, never, but...
- Pardon, what was that?
874
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:40,206
Never.
875
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:43,841
She's out there, somewhere,
doing you proud, meeting a man.
876
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:47,208
Having a lovely time.
Just like when we first met.
877
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:51,126
- We met in a pub.
- But it was a lovely romantic pub.
878
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:54,163
It was a Yates's Wine Lodge.
879
00:47:54,240 --> 00:47:57,164
Do you remember the first thing
you ever said to me?
880
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:01,249
- "Vodka and tonic, please."
- And I said?
881
00:48:02,720 --> 00:48:04,449
"Pint or a half?"
882
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:09,083
What is the worst-case scenario?
883
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:13,006
- We never see her again.
- Alright, second worst?
884
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:19,088
- (sighs)
- (chuckles)
885
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:23,042
Aw. (chuckles)
886
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:27,530
- You hungry?
- No.
887
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:29,841
- Little snackette?
- No, don't need it.
888
00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:31,160
(Hilary) So...
889
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:34,727
...how long have you two
been seeing each other?
890
00:48:34,800 --> 00:48:36,962
- Not long.
- Not long at all.
891
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:38,451
(Ed) How did you meet?
892
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:39,800
- At work.
- At a party.
893
00:48:39,880 --> 00:48:42,042
- At a work party.
- At a party that worked.
894
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:45,283
- So you're in online marketing, too?
- (mimics childishly)
895
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,081
No. I am a...
896
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:51,726
- "firewoman. I'm a firewoman.
- (scoffs)
897
00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:54,849
- There was a fire.
- At his work party.
898
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:57,082
And then in our pants.
899
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,769
So, Hilary, what is it that you...
What do you do for a living?
900
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:03,842
I'm an account manager
at a leading PR firm.
901
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:05,445
Mind-blowing. And you, Ed?
902
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:07,608
- I'm a merchant banker.
- Interesting fact.
903
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:10,411
"Merchant banker" is
cockney rhyming slang for "wanker".
904
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:11,760
Oh, for fuck's sake, Jack.
905
00:49:11,840 --> 00:49:14,002
It's a fact. I'm just saying.
I'm not lying.
906
00:49:14,080 --> 00:49:16,048
- It's been a year.
- It's OK, Hil.
907
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:19,090
It's not the first time
I've heard that one.
908
00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:22,004
- First time I've heard it.
- I'm unaffected by it, so...
909
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:26,608
And it's been more than a year,
actually, Hilary. It's been 368 days.
910
00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:30,082
Not that I'm crossing it off on
my wall calendar of pain and deceit.
911
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:31,571
I need a piss.
912
00:49:32,440 --> 00:49:34,169
Oh, fuck! Shit.
913
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:38,883
- Oh, shit.
- Hey...
914
00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:44,402
Hey, don't worry, Baby Cakes. This was
bound to happen sooner or later.
915
00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:48,323
He does this. It's kind of blackmail.
916
00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:51,328
He's a very emotional man.
917
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:56,970
We're gonna need more nibbles, please.
So...
918
00:49:57,560 --> 00:49:58,846
"question.
919
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:03,768
- You two had an affair?
- We fell in love.
920
00:50:03,840 --> 00:50:05,763
Yeah, but you had an affair?
921
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:09,325
- The marriage was over anyway.
- But you had an affair?
922
00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:15,245
- Yeah.
- I guess he is just an emotional man.
923
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:18,884
Look, I'm sorry, Hilary.
924
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:21,850
- The truth is...
- I missed you, Big Nuts.
925
00:50:21,920 --> 00:50:23,160
(kisses I laughs)
926
00:50:23,240 --> 00:50:27,086
So what rating
are you two rabbits on now?
927
00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:30,130
- Rating?
- Yeah, sexually speaking?
928
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:33,204
Because Jack and I, God,
we're still in porno land really.
929
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:34,884
- (chokes)
- (Hilary) Porno land?
930
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,531
- Hm-hmm. Shall I explain?
- Please do.
931
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:40,649
OK. You know when a woman
first starts sleeping with a man,
932
00:50:40,720 --> 00:50:42,051
she acts like a porn star.
933
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:44,009
Am I right? Jack and I, anything goes.
934
00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:47,527
Church of Lesbyterian, dinner beneath
the bridge, guided tour of site B,
935
00:50:47,600 --> 00:50:49,170
if you know where that is. He knows.
936
00:50:49,240 --> 00:50:52,528
Remember when you said we should
and I was like, "I'm not gonna do that."
937
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:54,284
- You said, "Go on, try it."
- Did I?
938
00:50:54,360 --> 00:50:58,160
And I was just thinking, "I'm actually
quite scared," because I couldn't see.
939
00:50:58,240 --> 00:51:00,766
Then, God, you flipped it.
And all of a sudden...
940
00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:03,571
God, I felt like, "Please don't stop."
941
00:51:03,640 --> 00:51:07,645
"Jack, please don't stop. Don't stop,
Jack. Do what you do, Jack."
942
00:51:07,720 --> 00:51:09,961
"Thank you, Jack.
I love your work, Jack."
943
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:13,965
And you lot are like, "Wow, our sex life
is always gonna be like a porn film."
944
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:17,362
Six months in, the ladies,
we drop it down to an 18,
945
00:51:17,440 --> 00:51:21,001
and then a 15, maybe a quick 69
but only if we've just had a bath.
946
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:25,927
And then suddenly, whoa, we're a PG-13
wearing tartan pyjamas to bed
947
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:29,641
doing the goodnight rollover before
you can say "missionary position".
948
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:33,728
That is a brilliant theory.
949
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:37,407
Thank you. But do you know what, Jack?
I really feel
950
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:41,570
like we're gonna be in porno land
for a lot longer than usual.
951
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:45,451
- I have a theory, too.
- Yeah? What is it?
952
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:49,087
If you get a woman back to your place
and you say you don't wanna have sex,
953
00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:53,882
you just wanna take it slowly,
I guarantee she will go down on you.
954
00:51:54,800 --> 00:51:57,849
- The Blow Job Paradox.
- Blow Job Paradox!
955
00:51:57,920 --> 00:52:01,083
- Yeah! "Use it, don't abuse it."
- If divorce papers were honest,
956
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:03,561
they wouldn't say
"irreconcilable differences".
957
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:06,325
- They'd say "not enough blow jobs".
- Not enough blowjobs!
958
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:08,528
Like, get down there, fix it.
959
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:12,446
Sorry to interrupt. Did you
get a chance to sign those papers?
960
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:19,367
Yes, I did, actually, Hilary. In fact,
coincidentally, I have them with me.
961
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:23,161
Although, stupid Jack,
I signed them with a pen.
962
00:52:23,240 --> 00:52:26,210
You'd probably prefer it
if I did it with my own blood.
963
00:52:28,160 --> 00:52:32,324
Hey, this is our song. We should dance.
It's very special. Isn't that mad?
964
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:35,327
Don't fucking touch me.
965
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:36,890
- Yay.
- What are you doing?
966
00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:38,962
Stopping you from making
a twat of yourself
967
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:41,008
by using the medium of dance. Hello.
968
00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:43,765
I'm gonna slow-dance you
into submission, OK?
969
00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:47,367
You'll need to put your arms around
my waist for it to work properly. Good.
970
00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:50,125
- I'm such a dick.
- You're not. You're not a dick.
971
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:53,044
It's always better
to be the one that's dumped.
972
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:55,646
You never regret anything.
She made the decision.
973
00:52:55,720 --> 00:52:58,007
She's gotta live with that
for the rest of her life.
974
00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:01,562
- It's not as simple as that, is it?
- But it will be. it just takes time.
975
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:05,440
- Your hands are slipping down my arse.
- Sorry. Old habit.
976
00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:09,170
Everybody knew they were doing it.
Nobody told me.
977
00:53:09,240 --> 00:53:11,129
It's rough. I'll admit it's rough.
978
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:12,690
I was really traditional about
979
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,525
the whole "don't sleep around
when you're married" thing.
980
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:17,602
Hands-arse. That's right.
981
00:53:17,680 --> 00:53:20,570
I bet you proposed
on the top of a Tuscan hill.
982
00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:22,210
Cephalonian, actually.
983
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:24,089
Spent a year planning your big day.
984
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:25,924
- Twenty grand, all in?
- Bit more.
985
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:28,367
- Let's not forget the ring.
- It was four grand.
986
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:31,284
And we had to get it resized
because she got awfully thin.
987
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:34,842
You spent £24,000
on a party and some jewellery?
988
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:36,001
It was a grand gesture.
989
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:38,811
What's the point of life
if you're not up for stuff like that?
990
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:42,566
A grand gesture that amounted
to nothing. Hands-arse.
991
00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:46,162
- God, you're such a fucking cynic.
- And you're such a fucking romantic.
992
00:53:46,240 --> 00:53:48,402
("The Reflex" by Duran Duran)
993
00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:55,604
You put so much emphasis on that one day
and forget about the rest of your life.
994
00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:58,365
What's wrong with having a big day?
Look at your parents.
995
00:53:58,440 --> 00:54:01,011
I bet they had a party and guests
and a wishing tree.
996
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:04,203
Six guests. Local registry office.
Drinks at the pub afterwards.
997
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:05,964
They decided it was more important
998
00:54:06,040 --> 00:54:08,327
to concentrate on the promises
they were making.
999
00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:10,681
Don't you think that's what I wanted?
1000
00:54:10,760 --> 00:54:13,240
When you get married,
you make a promise you can't keep,
1001
00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:16,051
but, by God, I was gonna try,
and I'll never regret that.
1002
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:17,565
Which is more than you can say,
1003
00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:20,689
sat up there on your single perch
with all your judgements.
1004
00:54:20,760 --> 00:54:24,321
♪ Why-y-y-y-y don't you use it
1005
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:27,722
♪ Try-y-y-y-y not to bruise it
1006
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:31,443
♪ Buy-y-y-y-y time, don't lose it
1007
00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:33,722
They're not judgements,
they're theories.
1008
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:35,450
- Very different things.
- Whatever.
1009
00:54:35,560 --> 00:54:39,724
♪ The reflex is an only child
1010
00:54:39,800 --> 00:54:43,168
♪ Just waiting by the park
1011
00:54:43,240 --> 00:54:46,961
♪ The reflex is in charge of finding
1012
00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:50,886
♪ Treasure in the dark
1013
00:54:50,960 --> 00:54:54,328
♪ And watching over lucky clover
1014
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:58,564
♪ Isn't that bizarre?
1015
00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:02,247
♪ Every little thing the reflex does
1016
00:55:02,320 --> 00:55:05,927
♪ Leaves you answered
with a question mark
1017
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:08,241
- You know your problem, Nancy?
- What?
1018
00:55:08,320 --> 00:55:11,688
You spend your entire time on the
sidelines theorising about what works,
1019
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:14,764
but never putting yourself out there.
You never take chances.
1020
00:55:14,840 --> 00:55:17,684
I think my actions today
could be considered quite "chancy".
1021
00:55:17,760 --> 00:55:19,171
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
1022
00:55:19,240 --> 00:55:23,564
You need to man up. I married that
woman and she tore out my heart
1023
00:55:23,680 --> 00:55:26,763
but I'm still standing.
I'm still putting myself out there.
1024
00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:29,411
And who are you to say
that my marriage was doomed?
1025
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:31,568
Who are you to say
that the girl I met tonight,
1026
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:34,883
the girl I was supposed to meet tonight,
wasn't the girl of my dreams?
1027
00:55:34,960 --> 00:55:38,885
You need to let me get on
with my sad single-man life crisis
1028
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:42,931
and keep your cynical wisecracks
and theories to yourself. OK?
1029
00:55:46,240 --> 00:55:48,049
I Why-y-y-y
1030
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:50,771
♪ why-y-Y-y
Why-y-y-y
1031
00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:02,003
Hi. Sorry. I'm not looking.
1032
00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:05,923
Just... looking for Jack.
1033
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:08,606
- Jack, are you in here?
- (Jack, tearful) No.
1034
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:10,930
Come on.
1035
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:13,321
(Jack) Just go to your party,
Nancy, I'm fine.
1036
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:16,643
- You're fine?
- Yeah, I'm really fucking fine.
1037
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:19,086
Occupied!
1038
00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:22,687
Sorry. You didn't lock. Didn't lock.
1039
00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:33,441
(Nancy) Hi.
1040
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:36,247
I was hoping
for the pants-and-socks look.
1041
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:37,685
(laughs)
1042
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:50,283
Nice place you got. It's really cosy.
1043
00:57:01,680 --> 00:57:02,761
Sorry.
1044
00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:09,086
I've had a bad relationship run
over the past few years
1045
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:13,722
and so it's made me
not the most positive person.
1046
00:57:15,320 --> 00:57:17,846
I overanalyse and I...
1047
00:57:19,120 --> 00:57:23,808
...come up with elaborate theories and
make monumentally bad decisions and...
1048
00:57:23,880 --> 00:57:27,566
I've gotta move on, you know,
that's all.
1049
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:29,847
She's out there, she's happy.
1050
00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:32,048
She's getting on with her life
and I'm...
1051
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:35,765
...I’m just holding on.
- OK.
1052
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:41,602
A, I wouldn't say "happy", exactly.
1053
00:57:41,680 --> 00:57:45,844
And secondly, I mean,
you're not holding on to her.
1054
00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:47,843
You're holding on to a feeling
1055
00:57:47,920 --> 00:57:51,561
and that feeling will eventually pass.
Promise.
1056
00:57:52,040 --> 00:57:54,850
I mean, look, maybe I was wrong.
1057
00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:59,642
Maybe dating 24-year-olds
is exactly what you need right now.
1058
00:57:59,720 --> 00:58:02,530
- You've changed your tune.
- Well, unlike...
1059
00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:07,131
...the older lady,
they do have less baggage.
1060
00:58:08,560 --> 00:58:12,281
I mean, shit, I'm way over
my baggage allowance.
1061
00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:15,125
I'm four years single.
Four fucking years.
1062
00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:21,201
Prior to that, I had six years
with the supposed love of my life,
1063
00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:24,124
when, out of the blue,
he ended it and then he...
1064
00:58:25,120 --> 00:58:28,044
He said he wanted to go to China
to find himself.
1065
00:58:28,120 --> 00:58:30,600
Then he found himself
shacked up in Shepherd's Bush
1066
00:58:30,680 --> 00:58:32,648
with some other girl six months later.
1067
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:35,724
- I'm over it, obviously, but I just...
- Yeah, you really sound it.
1068
00:58:38,360 --> 00:58:39,725
Apart from one thing.
1069
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:43,566
One thing that, honestly,
I'm not sure that I can ever get over.
1070
00:58:43,640 --> 00:58:44,880
(Jack) What?
1071
00:58:44,960 --> 00:58:46,200
He...
1072
00:58:47,720 --> 00:58:50,087
He de-authorised me from his iTunes.
1073
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:51,321
(gasps)
1074
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:54,051
What? That is unforgivable.
1075
00:58:54,840 --> 00:58:57,320
It is. It is, actually.
1076
00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:02,045
So, what do you really do for a living?
1077
00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:05,361
I'm a journalist. Yeah.
1078
00:59:05,440 --> 00:59:08,569
Slash wannabe literary polymath.
1079
00:59:08,640 --> 00:59:12,167
- That figures. You got good theories.
- Oh, you like them now?
1080
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:13,844
I wouldn't listen to me, though,
1081
00:59:13,920 --> 00:59:17,766
because I'm not exactly the poster child
for the dating industry.
1082
00:59:17,840 --> 00:59:20,969
Really? I'm 40, divorced
and crying in a toilet.
1083
00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:24,644
You're just...
1084
00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:28,247
You're an emotional jigsaw at the moment
1085
00:59:28,320 --> 00:59:30,846
but you're gonna piece yourself
back together.
1086
00:59:30,920 --> 00:59:34,163
You know, start with the corners.
Look for the blue bits.
1087
00:59:36,800 --> 00:59:40,850
And where do I find these "blue bits"?
1088
00:59:45,840 --> 00:59:48,002
(man) Took me three years
to get over my ex.
1089
00:59:48,080 --> 00:59:53,120
Jungian therapy.
Two hours every day. Six weeks.
1090
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:56,363
I burnt her clothes. Twice.
1091
00:59:56,440 --> 00:59:58,920
I'm not saying
that her porn star theory is correct.
1092
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:00,525
But you did blow job paradox me?
1093
01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:03,524
Hey. Where did you two get to?
1094
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,921
Probably 69-ing in the toilets,
no doubt.
1095
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:08,765
Who's up for a shot?
Let's do some shots.
1096
01:00:08,840 --> 01:00:12,003
- I think I've had enough to drink.
- We're just gonna head off.
1097
01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:15,004
Nonsense. It's a seminal night
so we should mark it somehow.
1098
01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:16,889
(Ed) Four sambucas, please.
1099
01:00:16,960 --> 01:00:19,201
You look like you've been crying.
1100
01:00:19,280 --> 01:00:21,726
- Actually, I was crying.
- With laughter.
1101
01:00:21,800 --> 01:00:24,246
Have you ever tried to do it
in a cubicle that small?
1102
01:00:24,320 --> 01:00:27,130
I think I left my knickers in there.
1103
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:30,124
She does not need to know
the real reason for your tears.
1104
01:00:30,200 --> 01:00:32,328
Did you wanna
leave your knickers in there?
1105
01:00:32,400 --> 01:00:33,640
Focus,Jack.
1106
01:00:35,320 --> 01:00:37,004
Repeat after me.
1107
01:00:37,080 --> 01:00:40,926
"After this shot I will be stronger,
wiser and finally moving on."
1108
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:45,050
After this shot I will be stronger,
wiser and finally moving on.
1109
01:00:45,120 --> 01:00:47,361
- Fuck the past.
- Fuck the past.
1110
01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:52,009
' (yells)
- Sorry_
1111
01:00:52,920 --> 01:00:54,649
- Oh, my God.
- Do something!
1112
01:00:54,720 --> 01:00:57,451
You're a fireman,
put the fucking fire out!
1113
01:00:57,560 --> 01:00:59,642
- (barman) Here. You take it.
-Jesus!
1114
01:01:00,880 --> 01:01:02,370
(screams)
1115
01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:05,648
(Jack laughs)
1116
01:01:05,720 --> 01:01:08,200
(Nancy and Jack laugh)
1117
01:01:08,280 --> 01:01:10,328
That is what I call closure.
1118
01:01:10,400 --> 01:01:13,244
I think that's the dictionary definition
right there.
1119
01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:16,449
Denial, depression, acceptance.
1120
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:18,050
- Fire.
- Fire.
1121
01:01:20,960 --> 01:01:22,724
- (he laughs)
- What?
1122
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:24,290
Alright, what is next?
1123
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:27,284
- OK, what's the time?
- It is ten o'clock.
1124
01:01:27,360 --> 01:01:30,842
Is it? Oh, shit.
I should check in at home, really.
1125
01:01:30,920 --> 01:01:32,570
(Jack) Yeah, I'd better...
1126
01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:34,085
(phone chimes)
1127
01:01:35,640 --> 01:01:37,165
(phone chimes)
1128
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:41,607
So, I think I'd better finally head
to my folks' anniversary party
1129
01:01:41,680 --> 01:01:43,284
- but I was just...
- (phone chimes)
1130
01:01:43,360 --> 01:01:45,442
This is a crazy idea
but I was just thinking,
1131
01:01:45,560 --> 01:01:47,324
- would you want to join...?
- Sorry.
1132
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:52,247
Just because it might be nice to not
go alone for a change and if you...
1133
01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:57,042
Oh, my God, she has called
and texted, like, a lot.
1134
01:01:57,120 --> 01:01:58,724
- Who has?
- Jessica.
1135
01:01:58,800 --> 01:02:01,770
She said she spoke to Tom
and there's obviously been
1136
01:02:01,840 --> 01:02:04,650
some sort of misunderstanding
and she still wants to meet up.
1137
01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:06,927
Even though you stood her up?
ls she a loser?
1138
01:02:07,000 --> 01:02:09,765
Technically, you stood her up, actually.
1139
01:02:09,840 --> 01:02:14,050
She's young so she's not
a total cynic like you. Us. Yet.
1140
01:02:14,120 --> 01:02:16,168
Your 24-year-old obsession, isn't it?
1141
01:02:16,240 --> 01:02:18,083
You said I should keep it simple.
1142
01:02:18,160 --> 01:02:21,289
- When?
- Like, half an hour ago in the toilet.
1143
01:02:22,640 --> 01:02:25,246
So, what is your theory on this one?
1144
01:02:25,320 --> 01:02:29,211
- My theory?
- Yeah, I wanna hear it. What's the...
1145
01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:31,681
ls it "boy meets girl"
or "boy doesn't meet girl"?
1146
01:02:32,640 --> 01:02:34,529
(chuckles) I mean...
1147
01:02:35,360 --> 01:02:39,331
This is when you tell me what to do
and then we argue and then...
1148
01:02:39,400 --> 01:02:42,529
You know, it's a bit of back and forth
and eventually...
1149
01:02:42,600 --> 01:02:45,331
- Oh, wait.
- What for?
1150
01:02:45,400 --> 01:02:48,210
All night you've had
all these theories and opinions
1151
01:02:48,280 --> 01:02:50,009
and suddenly you've nothing to say?
1152
01:02:50,080 --> 01:02:53,163
What do you want? Do you want
my permission or something?
1153
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:57,006
- No, not at all.
- Then I think you should meet Jessica.
1154
01:02:57,080 --> 01:03:00,641
- Yeah, but that's not...
- What are you waiting for, right?
1155
01:03:00,720 --> 01:03:04,042
What am l...? I don't know
what I'm waiting for.
1156
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:05,451
Fine, I'll meet Jessica.
1157
01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:07,449
- OK. Great.
- OK.
1158
01:03:07,560 --> 01:03:11,929
- Are you meeting her here or...
- Yeah. Yes, there it is. (laughs)
1159
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:13,286
- OK.
- That's where the...
1160
01:03:13,360 --> 01:03:15,601
You can give her this back then.
1161
01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:18,651
- No, she bought another one.
- Course she did.
1162
01:03:19,960 --> 01:03:21,769
I haven't really read it, to be honest.
1163
01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:23,330
Maybe we should have.
1164
01:03:25,400 --> 01:03:26,845
So, erm...
1165
01:03:28,560 --> 01:03:30,085
- ls that everything?
- Yeah.
1166
01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:34,531
So sorry for derailing your date.
1167
01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:39,367
I'm glad you did, otherwise I'd have
nothing to talk about on the next one.
1168
01:03:39,440 --> 01:03:42,569
It is a good anecdote.
I'll probably use it in future myself.
1169
01:03:42,640 --> 01:03:45,120
So, well, look after yourself...
1170
01:03:45,200 --> 01:03:48,010
- It's what I do best.
- OK, and...
1171
01:03:48,080 --> 01:03:49,525
- Bye.
- Bye.
1172
01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:01,326
- I'll Facebook you.
- Not on Facebook.
1173
01:04:01,400 --> 01:04:04,244
- Idiot.
- Idiot.
1174
01:04:08,520 --> 01:04:10,124
Idiot.
1175
01:04:10,760 --> 01:04:11,966
Idiot.
1176
01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:05,250
What kind of nutter pretends to be
someone else's blind date?
1177
01:05:05,320 --> 01:05:06,890
(Jack) I know. It's...
1178
01:05:06,960 --> 01:05:10,726
Although it does prove what a publishing
sensation Six Billion has been.
1179
01:05:10,800 --> 01:05:11,881
Yeah.
1180
01:05:11,960 --> 01:05:16,124
Let's just pretend the whole thing
never happened and we shall start again.
1181
01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:17,361
Cheers.
1182
01:05:24,520 --> 01:05:27,410
Sorry, I'm ever so thirsty.
I did a lot of walking today.
1183
01:05:28,200 --> 01:05:29,406
(laughs awkwardly)
1184
01:05:30,160 --> 01:05:32,606
So, Jessica,
I hear you work in the City.
1185
01:05:32,680 --> 01:05:35,889
- Correct. And I love it.
- "Lunch is for wimps."
1186
01:05:37,440 --> 01:05:40,922
It's from Wall Street. From the film.
1187
01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:43,162
"If you need a friend, get a dog."
1188
01:05:43,240 --> 01:05:46,449
Oh, is that the one
with Leonardo DiCaprio?
1189
01:05:46,560 --> 01:05:47,686
Er, no.
1190
01:05:48,360 --> 01:05:52,160
Erm, so listen, Tom told me
that you are a triathlete.
1191
01:05:52,240 --> 01:05:54,129
(loud conversation)
1192
01:05:58,200 --> 01:06:00,441
Bert, are you ready? Yeah?
1193
01:06:00,560 --> 01:06:01,800
- Alright?
- Yep.
1194
01:06:02,680 --> 01:06:03,727
Attention!
1195
01:06:04,560 --> 01:06:06,210
(French) Attention.
1196
01:06:06,280 --> 01:06:07,281
Attenzione.
1197
01:06:07,360 --> 01:06:08,600
Oi! Come on.
1198
01:06:08,680 --> 01:06:10,648
Adam, thank you.
1199
01:06:13,000 --> 01:06:14,729
Well, here we all are.
1200
01:06:15,640 --> 01:06:19,087
I had rather hoped that
our youngest daughter, Nancy,
1201
01:06:19,160 --> 01:06:21,162
would have been here to do the speech.
1202
01:06:21,240 --> 01:06:24,642
But, er, she's been a little delayed.
1203
01:06:26,160 --> 01:06:29,767
So it falls to myself...
1204
01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:34,207
...to find a few choice words.
1205
01:06:34,280 --> 01:06:36,760
(cheering)
1206
01:06:36,840 --> 01:06:39,446
But, I mean, seriously...
1207
01:06:40,360 --> 01:06:43,682
...what's left for us to say
to each other after 40 years?
1208
01:06:43,760 --> 01:06:45,842
Take the fucking recycling out.
1209
01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:46,967
(laughter)
1210
01:06:47,040 --> 01:06:50,601
Still as foul-mouthed
as the day I met her.
1211
01:06:51,440 --> 01:06:52,930
And still as beautiful.
1212
01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:54,126
(all) Aw.!
1213
01:06:54,840 --> 01:06:59,721
And although I doubt that we have
another 40 years ahead of us...
1214
01:06:59,800 --> 01:07:01,564
- Bloody hope not.
- (laughter)
1215
01:07:01,640 --> 01:07:03,722
...or we will ever agree...
1216
01:07:04,520 --> 01:07:07,808
...that you can park on
a double yellow line on a Sunday...
1217
01:07:07,880 --> 01:07:10,326
- But you can, actually.
- (Fran) Whose side are you on?
1218
01:07:10,400 --> 01:07:14,121
...or she will ever fully trust me
with the big weekly shop...
1219
01:07:14,200 --> 01:07:15,964
Not a hope in hell.
1220
01:07:16,040 --> 01:07:19,647
...but here's to spending...
1221
01:07:20,680 --> 01:07:24,685
...whatever years we have left
together.
1222
01:07:24,760 --> 01:07:25,807
(all) Aw.!
1223
01:07:25,880 --> 01:07:26,881
(Bert) Franny,“
1224
01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:31,561
...l am an empty shell on the beach
without you.
1225
01:07:31,640 --> 01:07:32,721
Oh, that's good.
1226
01:07:32,800 --> 01:07:37,522
I am a laundry disaster
waiting to happen.
1227
01:07:37,600 --> 01:07:39,011
(laughter)
1228
01:07:39,960 --> 01:07:41,803
lam an old pear...
1229
01:07:42,720 --> 01:07:46,725
...left to soften in the fruit bowl.
1230
01:07:47,360 --> 01:07:49,089
Oh, here she is.
1231
01:07:49,160 --> 01:07:50,525
(cheering)
1232
01:07:50,600 --> 01:07:51,647
Nancy!
1233
01:07:51,720 --> 01:07:55,930
So sorry I'm late. But I remembered
the chocolate mousse.
1234
01:07:56,000 --> 01:07:57,729
(cheering)
1235
01:07:59,600 --> 01:08:01,011
(woman) Oh...
1236
01:08:01,080 --> 01:08:04,402
- What is it, darling? What is it?
- What's up?
1237
01:08:04,520 --> 01:08:06,329
- What's the matter?
- It's OK.
1238
01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:07,606
(Bert) Oh...
1239
01:08:07,680 --> 01:08:10,604
(Fran) Come on, tell us,
what's the matter, darling?
1240
01:08:12,120 --> 01:08:14,407
I got a lot of big
home-improvement plans.
1241
01:08:14,520 --> 01:08:16,807
Do up my flat.
I'm gonna paint my hallway.
1242
01:08:16,880 --> 01:08:19,770
Yes, Tom said that
you were a bit of an artiste.
1243
01:08:19,840 --> 01:08:22,571
Yeah, I, you know... I dabble.
1244
01:08:22,640 --> 01:08:24,802
No, I don't dabble.
Who am I trying to kid?
1245
01:08:27,040 --> 01:08:28,769
I got an A in art at A level.
1246
01:08:28,840 --> 01:08:31,241
I don't remember
what I got in my A levels.
1247
01:08:32,080 --> 01:08:34,128
I'm kidding you. I'm not that old.
1248
01:08:34,200 --> 01:08:36,202
I got two Bs and a C, so.
1249
01:08:37,200 --> 01:08:39,328
No, I didn't. I got two Cs and a B.
1250
01:08:40,120 --> 01:08:42,122
Anyway, I passed them all, so.
1251
01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:44,726
- Well done.
- Thank you.
1252
01:08:44,800 --> 01:08:49,647
Anyway, I'm so glad that you're a fan
of Six Billion People and You as well.
1253
01:08:49,720 --> 01:08:51,848
And I'm so sorry that
I was late to meet you.
1254
01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:54,764
But, actually, the reason
that I had to buy another copy
1255
01:08:54,840 --> 01:08:57,889
was because I left my copy
for this woman on the train
1256
01:08:57,960 --> 01:09:02,249
and she so needed to read it.
She was a very unhappy soul.
1257
01:09:02,320 --> 01:09:06,689
You know, one of those sort of "lost
hope", "clock ticking" kind of women.
1258
01:09:07,920 --> 01:09:11,720
- Anyway, shall we do the lists?
- Yes, the lists, the lists.
1259
01:09:12,400 --> 01:09:14,050
(she chuckles excitedly)
1260
01:09:14,800 --> 01:09:18,043
I can't wait to see
what your favourite food is.
1261
01:09:26,440 --> 01:09:27,726
Ready?
1262
01:09:31,280 --> 01:09:32,406
I am so sorry about this.
1263
01:09:32,520 --> 01:09:34,648
What are you talking about?
This is amazing.
1264
01:09:34,720 --> 01:09:38,805
If I hadn't left her that book...
It's like the most epic love story ever.
1265
01:09:38,880 --> 01:09:42,202
And it means that I was right
and she was wrong. Taxi!
1266
01:09:46,720 --> 01:09:49,121
- Where to?
- Shit, I have no idea.
1267
01:09:49,200 --> 01:09:50,281
Just call her.
1268
01:09:50,360 --> 01:09:52,442
I don't have her number.
I have your number.
1269
01:09:52,560 --> 01:09:54,881
- What's her name?
- Nancy. Nancy Patterson.
1270
01:09:54,960 --> 01:09:57,361
- Look her up on Facebook.
- She's not on Facebook.
1271
01:09:57,440 --> 01:09:59,363
(laughs) Don't be ridiculous.
1272
01:09:59,440 --> 01:10:03,081
Everyone's connected. You'll have
some mutual friends or something.
1273
01:10:03,160 --> 01:10:04,605
You bloody genius.
1274
01:10:05,320 --> 01:10:07,209
Bloomsbury Bowling Lanes, please.
1275
01:10:07,280 --> 01:10:10,443
Good luck with the triathleting.
Thank you, Jessica!
1276
01:10:21,760 --> 01:10:24,366
- Sean... ls that my scarf?
- Where's Nancy?
1277
01:10:24,440 --> 01:10:27,569
I have to find her
and I think she's at her parents'.
1278
01:10:27,640 --> 01:10:29,210
Do you know where they live?
1279
01:10:30,800 --> 01:10:33,804
I know the exact
Google map coordinates.
1280
01:10:43,320 --> 01:10:48,167
Holy... You know what, Sean?
I'd be quite happy to take the train.
1281
01:10:48,240 --> 01:10:50,402
- What's your plan?
- What's my plan?
1282
01:10:50,520 --> 01:10:52,045
To win her heart.
1283
01:10:52,720 --> 01:10:55,200
- This isn't a power ballad.
- Well, it should be.
1284
01:10:55,280 --> 01:10:58,523
Grand romantic gestures.
That's what it's all about.
1285
01:10:58,600 --> 01:11:02,969
Declarations. Heart on the line.
Life-changing kind of stuff.
1286
01:11:03,040 --> 01:11:06,044
That's what I was going for
back there in the toilets.
1287
01:11:06,120 --> 01:11:09,203
Actions, you know. More than words.
1288
01:11:10,080 --> 01:11:11,730
(Jack) Jesus!
1289
01:11:16,320 --> 01:11:19,529
Taught myself to drive
with just my left hand.
1290
01:11:20,160 --> 01:11:22,367
Pretty useful, I can tell you.
1291
01:11:33,440 --> 01:11:35,886
- Are we here?
- Yep, we're here.
1292
01:11:35,960 --> 01:11:38,645
OK, OK, OK. Erm...
1293
01:11:38,720 --> 01:11:42,167
- Oh, what number is it?
- 74.
1294
01:11:42,720 --> 01:11:46,361
Go, go, go! Bon chance, mon amigo.
1295
01:11:46,440 --> 01:11:47,930
Whoo!
1296
01:11:50,880 --> 01:11:52,609
Idiot, idiot, idiot...
1297
01:11:52,680 --> 01:11:54,284
I should have just said...
1298
01:11:54,360 --> 01:11:56,840
(mumbles) "Don't go,
come with me to the party."
1299
01:11:56,920 --> 01:11:58,126
I can't hear her.
1300
01:11:58,200 --> 01:12:00,680
Go easy, Nancy, it is a partition wall.
1301
01:12:00,760 --> 01:12:03,127
- Something about a party?
- This party?
1302
01:12:03,200 --> 01:12:05,567
And I was gonna bring him here
and everything.
1303
01:12:05,640 --> 01:12:06,846
The man on the phone?
1304
01:12:06,920 --> 01:12:08,649
The strange man
you were on a date with?
1305
01:12:08,720 --> 01:12:10,449
- You should have.
- Didn't go well?
1306
01:12:10,560 --> 01:12:12,403
No, it did go really well.
1307
01:12:12,520 --> 01:12:14,329
(all cheer)
1308
01:12:15,560 --> 01:12:17,608
- Oh, no, it's not a good thing.
- Boo, boo.
1309
01:12:21,240 --> 01:12:23,686
Come on, my lovely,
just tell us what happened.
1310
01:12:23,760 --> 01:12:25,171
OK. (inhales)
1311
01:12:25,240 --> 01:12:26,241
(doorbell rings)
1312
01:12:26,320 --> 01:12:28,641
- I'll get that.
- OK. So...
1313
01:12:33,400 --> 01:12:35,562
- What are you doing here?
- ls Nancy here?
1314
01:12:35,640 --> 01:12:37,210
Are you the strippergram?
1315
01:12:37,280 --> 01:12:39,248
What? No, I'm not. What are you...?
1316
01:12:39,320 --> 01:12:42,563
- Nancy, I had to come and find you.
- How did you...?
1317
01:12:42,640 --> 01:12:46,326
- I couldn't just leave it like that.
- Oh, my God. Nancy, is this...
1318
01:12:46,400 --> 01:12:49,006
- Oh, it's marvellous.
- We've got a chair for you.
1319
01:12:49,080 --> 01:12:50,889
- A chair? For me?
- Yeah.
1320
01:12:50,960 --> 01:12:54,009
Oh, that sounds lovely.
Hello, nice to see you.
1321
01:12:54,080 --> 01:12:55,650
(all greet him)
1322
01:12:55,720 --> 01:12:59,406
- We've got a lot of people here.
- Oh, party time. Hello, everybody.
1323
01:12:59,520 --> 01:13:02,683
Hello, I'm Sean.
Ooh, strawberries. Favourite!
1324
01:13:02,760 --> 01:13:04,569
I loves me strawberries.
1325
01:13:04,640 --> 01:13:05,721
No.
1326
01:13:05,800 --> 01:13:07,564
(loud music I chatter)
1327
01:13:09,200 --> 01:13:11,123
Everybody, everyone!
1328
01:13:11,200 --> 01:13:13,168
Everybody, everybody!
1329
01:13:13,240 --> 01:13:15,083
- This is...
- It's Jack!
1330
01:13:15,160 --> 01:13:17,686
He's looking for...
Who are you looking for again?
1331
01:13:17,760 --> 01:13:19,967
Nancy. ls this a 40th party?
1332
01:13:20,040 --> 01:13:23,044
Nancy! Nancy, are you here?
1333
01:13:23,120 --> 01:13:25,327
- I'm Nancy.
- I'm Nancy.
1334
01:13:25,400 --> 01:13:28,085
(all) I'm Nancy!
1335
01:13:29,000 --> 01:13:32,004
No, no, no, no, no, you're not.
None of you are Nancy.
1336
01:13:32,080 --> 01:13:34,924
Nancy is 34, not 15 or whatever.
1337
01:13:35,000 --> 01:13:38,129
There's a girl being sick in the sink.
This is terrible.
1338
01:13:38,200 --> 01:13:42,205
Come here, sweetheart. Let it all out.
There you go.
1339
01:13:42,280 --> 01:13:47,047
Listen, Nancy is... she's got
very cool hair and a lovely face and...
1340
01:13:47,120 --> 01:13:50,886
Come on, please. Nancy Patterson.
Anybody help me with Nancy Patterson?
1341
01:13:50,960 --> 01:13:52,086
(people shout "Nancy")
1342
01:13:52,160 --> 01:13:53,446
Wait! Nancy Patterson?
1343
01:13:53,560 --> 01:13:56,245
- Yes!
- She used to be my old baby-sitter.
1344
01:13:56,320 --> 01:13:59,210
- Can you take me to her?
- Yes, I can.
1345
01:13:59,280 --> 01:14:00,691
-(cheering)
' Yes!
1346
01:14:00,760 --> 01:14:03,001
Thank you! Thank you very much.
1347
01:14:03,080 --> 01:14:05,560
Oh, we're all going, are we? OK.
1348
01:14:05,640 --> 01:14:08,007
(all chant "Nancy")
1349
01:14:11,680 --> 01:14:13,728
("Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake)
1350
01:14:13,800 --> 01:14:17,168
♪ Cos here I go again on my own
1351
01:14:18,680 --> 01:14:22,207
♪ Going down the only road
I've ever known
1352
01:14:23,880 --> 01:14:27,930
♪ Like a drifter,
I was born to walk alone
1353
01:14:30,360 --> 01:14:33,170
♪ And I've made up my mind
1354
01:14:35,520 --> 01:14:38,000
♪ I ain't wasting no more time
1355
01:14:40,640 --> 01:14:43,769
♪ I'm just another heart
in need of rescue
1356
01:14:46,280 --> 01:14:49,090
♪ Waiting on love's sweet charity
1357
01:14:50,880 --> 01:14:54,885
♪ And I'm gonna hold on
for the rest of my days
1358
01:14:56,360 --> 01:14:59,762
♪ Cos I know what it means
1359
01:15:00,920 --> 01:15:04,925
♪ To walk along
the lonely street of dreams
1360
01:15:06,400 --> 01:15:09,847
♪ And here I go again on my own
1361
01:15:11,320 --> 01:15:15,166
♪ Going down the only road
I've ever known
1362
01:15:17,000 --> 01:15:20,800
♪ Like a drifter,
I was born to walk alone
1363
01:15:23,120 --> 01:15:25,646
♪ And I've made up my mind
1364
01:15:28,240 --> 01:15:31,130
♪ I ain't wasting no more time
1365
01:15:31,200 --> 01:15:33,851
♪ But here I go again
1366
01:15:36,640 --> 01:15:40,326
♪ Here I go!
1367
01:15:43,440 --> 01:15:45,727
(chatter)
1368
01:15:48,800 --> 01:15:51,007
(Bert) Ladies and gentlemen,
1369
01:15:51,080 --> 01:15:53,924
your attention, please.
1370
01:15:56,720 --> 01:15:59,769
I'm just... just gonna say
a few words. Er...
1371
01:16:00,800 --> 01:16:04,691
Er, I actually had
something prepared but...
1372
01:16:04,760 --> 01:16:07,331
I lost it. It's kind of a long story...
1373
01:16:07,400 --> 01:16:09,289
Actually, I'm just gonna tell you,
1374
01:16:09,360 --> 01:16:11,408
cos it's actually the reason
I was so late
1375
01:16:11,520 --> 01:16:14,046
and the reason why this speech
is gonna be so rubbish.
1376
01:16:14,120 --> 01:16:15,610
(laughter)
1377
01:16:16,440 --> 01:16:17,885
I met a man today.
1378
01:16:17,960 --> 01:16:20,770
- Hello.
- (Nancy) No, not this man.
1379
01:16:20,840 --> 01:16:23,684
I was standing underneath
the clock at Waterloo Station
1380
01:16:23,760 --> 01:16:25,762
when a man called Jack
1381
01:16:25,840 --> 01:16:28,605
mistook me for his blind date
1382
01:16:28,680 --> 01:16:30,603
and instead of just saying,
1383
01:16:30,680 --> 01:16:34,924
"Hey, you got the wrong girl,"
like a normal person, erm...
1384
01:16:36,200 --> 01:16:40,125
...l thought it was a good idea
to just pretend that I was his date.
1385
01:16:40,200 --> 01:16:42,123
(gasps) No, you didn't?
1386
01:16:42,200 --> 01:16:45,522
- I did. I did. But, but...
- (laughter)
1387
01:16:45,600 --> 01:16:50,003
You know, we went out and, you know,
for the first time in ages,
1388
01:16:50,080 --> 01:16:53,289
I put myself out there,
and I took a chance,
1389
01:16:53,360 --> 01:16:54,930
and I even got stronger thighs.
1390
01:16:55,720 --> 01:16:59,725
Then Jack found out
I wasn't who I said I was,
1391
01:16:59,800 --> 01:17:02,246
a 24-year-old triathlete by the way.
1392
01:17:02,320 --> 01:17:03,890
- 24?
(Nancy) Yeah.
1393
01:17:03,960 --> 01:17:06,770
And so he went to go
and meet his real blind date.
1394
01:17:06,840 --> 01:17:08,888
So blah, blah, blah, the end.
1395
01:17:08,960 --> 01:17:10,086
(all groan)
1396
01:17:16,400 --> 01:17:19,290
No, don't be sad. God, I'm not sad.
1397
01:17:19,920 --> 01:17:22,241
I'm a bit sad. (sighs)
1398
01:17:22,320 --> 01:17:26,166
Er, but I'm also quite proud of myself
because I tried.
1399
01:17:26,240 --> 01:17:29,687
And, you know,
no, it didn't work out, but...
1400
01:17:30,840 --> 01:17:34,561
I got a hint of what
could be out there for me.
1401
01:17:34,640 --> 01:17:36,005
You know...
1402
01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:38,604
...a fun...
1403
01:17:39,680 --> 01:17:43,321
...loving, crazy, contradictory,
1404
01:17:43,400 --> 01:17:46,051
long, happy life with someone.
1405
01:17:46,120 --> 01:17:47,929
Something that these two have had
1406
01:17:48,000 --> 01:17:51,527
since they first laid eyes on each other
40 years ago.
1407
01:17:51,600 --> 01:17:53,090
So, please...
1408
01:17:54,720 --> 01:17:59,851
...join me in toasting them and
wishing them a very happy anniversary.
1409
01:18:01,360 --> 01:18:04,523
To my mum and dad. To Bert and Fran.
1410
01:18:04,600 --> 01:18:07,604
- Mum and Dad.
- Bert and Fran.
1411
01:18:07,680 --> 01:18:08,761
Bert and Fran.
1412
01:18:18,760 --> 01:18:21,047
I liked that speech. I liked it a lot.
1413
01:18:21,120 --> 01:18:22,246
Cheers, Dad.
1414
01:18:22,320 --> 01:18:25,164
- Much better than last year's.
- Yeah, that wasn't very...
1415
01:18:26,080 --> 01:18:27,730
Come here.
1416
01:18:27,800 --> 01:18:30,565
Stronger thighs. I'm so proud of you.
1417
01:18:31,200 --> 01:18:32,281
Cheers, Elaine.
1418
01:18:32,360 --> 01:18:34,249
Just keep on going, my darling.
1419
01:18:34,320 --> 01:18:36,561
- You'll get there in the end.
- Thanks, Mummy.
1420
01:18:36,640 --> 01:18:38,881
(Elaine's husband)
So where's this Jack now'?
1421
01:18:38,960 --> 01:18:41,611
- (banging at window)
- He's at the window.
1422
01:18:41,680 --> 01:18:42,886
(all) Nancy!
1423
01:18:43,560 --> 01:18:46,769
Nancy, it's me. Nancy! Nanc...
1424
01:18:46,840 --> 01:18:48,604
I'm gonna... I'm coming in.
1425
01:18:53,320 --> 01:18:54,731
Sorry. Sorry.
1426
01:18:55,680 --> 01:18:57,125
Hey.
1427
01:18:57,800 --> 01:19:00,326
Nancy, I thought
you might want your speech.
1428
01:19:01,520 --> 01:19:03,329
It's too late. I've...
1429
01:19:03,400 --> 01:19:07,803
- No, do you want your speech, Nancy?
- Er... Yes.
1430
01:19:07,880 --> 01:19:10,963
OK, good. Just be quiet
and let me give it to you, then.
1431
01:19:11,040 --> 01:19:14,362
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...
1432
01:19:14,440 --> 01:19:16,010
(young partygoers cheer)
1433
01:19:16,080 --> 01:19:19,562
...erm, and friends
and members of Nancy's family
1434
01:19:19,640 --> 01:19:23,201
who I've never met before in my life.
This is...
1435
01:19:23,280 --> 01:19:27,649
I met a girl today, the wrong girl,
1436
01:19:27,720 --> 01:19:30,530
except she turned out
to be the right girl.
1437
01:19:30,600 --> 01:19:33,080
And this girl who took a chance on me
1438
01:19:33,160 --> 01:19:36,323
in the most bizarre
and romantic way possible
1439
01:19:36,400 --> 01:19:39,449
wanted me to take a chance on her,
but, erm...
1440
01:19:40,200 --> 01:19:43,363
...l didn't, you know. I didn't.
I blew it,
1441
01:19:43,440 --> 01:19:47,809
like a stupid 40-year-old,
mid-life-crisis dickhead that I am.
1442
01:19:48,800 --> 01:19:52,327
Which is why I sought help
from old beaus.
1443
01:19:52,400 --> 01:19:56,371
Yes, you... not the most reliable
of sources, really. Whatever.
1444
01:19:56,440 --> 01:20:00,525
But undeterred, I commandeered
these brilliant young drunks,
1445
01:20:00,600 --> 01:20:03,763
because nothing was gonna stop me
from finding this girl
1446
01:20:03,840 --> 01:20:06,844
and telling her what
I should have told her earlier on.
1447
01:20:07,960 --> 01:20:13,569
Nancy, I am so bloody glad
you pretended to be my date today,
1448
01:20:13,640 --> 01:20:15,244
because, if you hadn't,
1449
01:20:15,320 --> 01:20:20,008
then I never would've heard
any of your amazing sex theories
1450
01:20:20,080 --> 01:20:24,881
or... watched you trying to get
jalapeno out of your teeth
1451
01:20:24,960 --> 01:20:29,204
or witnessed your very instinctive
firewoman skills.
1452
01:20:29,280 --> 01:20:35,003
I would never have got to know
that muddy, beautiful triathlete face
1453
01:20:35,080 --> 01:20:38,926
or witnessed that awesome,
highly competitive arse
1454
01:20:39,000 --> 01:20:41,048
as you were about to get another strike.
1455
01:20:41,120 --> 01:20:44,602
In fact, if you hadn't have
pretended to be my date today,
1456
01:20:44,680 --> 01:20:47,411
my day would have been utterly rubbish.
1457
01:20:51,520 --> 01:20:52,646
And so, quite possibly,
1458
01:20:52,720 --> 01:20:55,200
- would have been the rest of my life.
- (people coo)
1459
01:20:55,280 --> 01:20:57,601
Don't make those noises,
I'm right on the edge.
1460
01:20:59,200 --> 01:21:01,202
Nancy, you said
I was an emotional jigsaw
1461
01:21:01,280 --> 01:21:03,760
and that I should look
for the blue bits.
1462
01:21:04,920 --> 01:21:07,526
I think you might be the blue bits,
Nancy.
1463
01:21:08,160 --> 01:21:09,844
So what do you say?
1464
01:21:10,640 --> 01:21:12,130
Quid pro quo?
1465
01:21:20,200 --> 01:21:23,602
What does it say in
Six Billion People and You?
1466
01:21:23,920 --> 01:21:25,524
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
1467
01:21:28,080 --> 01:21:29,889
(both) Fuck the past.
1468
01:21:29,960 --> 01:21:33,760
- (laughter)
- (all) Fuck the past!
1469
01:21:33,840 --> 01:21:35,410
Thank you. Excuse me.
1470
01:21:42,440 --> 01:21:44,647
(cheering)
1471
01:21:49,680 --> 01:21:52,001
- Hands-arse.
- My hands aren't on your arse.
1472
01:21:52,080 --> 01:21:53,684
I know.
1473
01:21:55,320 --> 01:21:58,164
("What Time Do You Call This
(Theme From 'Man Up')" by Elbow)
1474
01:21:58,240 --> 01:22:01,210
♪ Shrink with me
Tower with me
1475
01:22:01,280 --> 01:22:05,205
♪ Wither with me
Flower with me
1476
01:22:05,280 --> 01:22:08,966
♪ Endlessly follow me
1477
01:22:09,040 --> 01:22:12,761
♪ Chew me up and swallow me
1478
01:22:12,840 --> 01:22:16,765
♪ Stay at least for now with me
1479
01:22:16,840 --> 01:22:20,367
♪ Drink and dance and row with me
1480
01:22:20,440 --> 01:22:24,365
♪ Tell me when I go too far...
1481
01:22:26,120 --> 01:22:28,771
(Nancy) I'll send you a photo, Sean.
1482
01:22:29,640 --> 01:22:30,721
(Sear!) Yes'.!
1483
01:22:32,160 --> 01:22:36,165
- a' Halt my ticker with those eyes
- (Sean) Bye!
1484
01:22:36,240 --> 01:22:39,801
♪ Weather every winter well
1485
01:22:39,880 --> 01:22:43,726
♪ Check my spelling, ring my bell
1486
01:22:43,800 --> 01:22:47,600
♪ Don't expect endless sex
1487
01:22:47,680 --> 01:22:51,287
♪ Check my spelling, wring my neck
1488
01:22:51,360 --> 01:22:55,285
- a' Separate me from my breath
- (young partygoers cheer)
1489
01:22:55,360 --> 01:22:59,160
♪ Kiss me nearly half to death
1490
01:23:03,880 --> 01:23:06,008
(sniffs) Mn“!
1491
01:23:06,080 --> 01:23:09,209
♪ What time d'you call this?
1492
01:23:12,960 --> 01:23:14,041
(Sear!) Whoo'.!
1493
01:23:14,120 --> 01:23:17,090
♪ What time d'you call this?
1494
01:23:21,400 --> 01:23:25,041
♪ What time d'you call this?
1495
01:23:28,720 --> 01:23:32,850
♪ What time d'you call this?
1496
01:23:35,280 --> 01:23:37,931
♪ I've been craning bewildered
1497
01:23:38,000 --> 01:23:43,882
♪ All my days
1498
01:23:44,880 --> 01:23:51,445
♪ To now find your face
1499
01:23:51,560 --> 01:23:56,361
♪ Shining out of the crowd
1500
01:24:00,000 --> 01:24:04,449
♪ Love was just a word
1501
01:24:06,280 --> 01:24:10,888
♪ That friends didn't mention
1502
01:24:15,000 --> 01:24:19,688
♪ Cos love was just a joke
1503
01:24:21,520 --> 01:24:27,050
♪ Till it battered me senseless
1504
01:24:30,840 --> 01:24:35,562
♪ Oh, shrink with me
Tower with me
1505
01:24:35,640 --> 01:24:39,406
♪ Wither with me
Flower with me
1506
01:24:39,520 --> 01:24:43,161
♪ Endlessly follow me
1507
01:24:43,240 --> 01:24:46,961
♪ Chew me up and swallow me
1508
01:24:47,040 --> 01:24:50,965
♪ Stay at least for now with me
1509
01:24:51,040 --> 01:24:54,761
♪ Drink and dance and row with me
1510
01:24:54,840 --> 01:24:58,561
♪ Tell me when I go too far
1511
01:24:58,640 --> 01:25:02,531
♪ Stay precisely where you are
1512
01:25:02,600 --> 01:25:06,446
♪ Talk me out of all my lies
1513
01:25:06,560 --> 01:25:10,246
♪ Halt my ticker with those eyes
1514
01:25:10,320 --> 01:25:14,120
♪ Weather every winter well
1515
01:25:14,200 --> 01:25:17,966
♪ Check my spelling, ring my bell
1516
01:25:18,040 --> 01:25:21,886
♪ Don't expect endless sex
1517
01:25:21,960 --> 01:25:25,646
♪ Check my spelling, wring my neck
1518
01:25:25,720 --> 01:25:29,566
♪ Separate me from my breath
1519
01:25:29,640 --> 01:25:32,769
♪ Kiss me nearly half to death
1520
01:25:32,840 --> 01:25:35,889
♪ Ooh
What time d'you call this?
1521
01:25:40,160 --> 01:25:43,846
♪ What time d'you call this?
1522
01:25:47,800 --> 01:25:51,521
♪ What time d'you call this?
1523
01:25:55,560 --> 01:25:59,281
♪ What time d'you call this?
1524
01:26:03,240 --> 01:26:06,847
♪ What time d'you call this?
1525
01:26:11,080 --> 01:26:14,607
♪ What time d'you call this?
1526
01:26:18,720 --> 01:26:22,441
♪ What time d'you call this?
1527
01:26:26,400 --> 01:26:30,200
♪ What time d'you call this?
1528
01:26:33,360 --> 01:26:38,287
♪ Ooh, what time
(What time d'you call this?)
1529
01:26:38,360 --> 01:26:41,603
♪ D'you call this?
1530
01:26:41,680 --> 01:26:46,083
♪ What time d'you call this?
1531
01:26:48,960 --> 01:26:53,682
♪ Ooh, what time
(What time d'you call this?)
1532
01:26:53,760 --> 01:26:57,207
♪ D'you call this?
1533
01:26:57,280 --> 01:27:01,683
♪ What time d'you call this?
1534
01:27:04,320 --> 01:27:09,167
♪ What time
(What time d'you call this?)
1535
01:27:09,240 --> 01:27:12,687
♪ D'you call this?
1536
01:27:12,760 --> 01:27:16,685
♪ What time d'you call this?
1537
01:27:20,160 --> 01:27:24,609
♪ What time
(What time d'you call this?)
1538
01:27:24,680 --> 01:27:28,082
♪ D'you call this?
1539
01:27:28,160 --> 01:27:32,324
♪ What time d'you call this?
1540
01:27:35,920 --> 01:27:40,050
♪ What time
(What time d'you call this?)
1541
01:27:40,120 --> 01:27:43,602
♪ D'you call this?
1542
01:27:43,680 --> 01:27:47,730
♪ What time d'you call this?
1543
01:27:47,800 --> 01:27:49,802
Sapex Scripts