1 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:27,550 (TAKE BACK THE WORLD PLAYING) 2 00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:50,205 Light as a feather Stiff as a board 3 00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:53,217 I'm-a elevate myself on my own accord 4 00:00:53,319 --> 00:00:56,755 Ain't nobody's business Who's life is this? 5 00:00:56,856 --> 00:00:59,552 You question my existence I'm-a read you the list 6 00:00:59,659 --> 00:01:02,719 I'll keep you on your toes That's just how it goes 7 00:01:02,829 --> 00:01:05,423 You can deal with the lows Just keep dodging the blows 8 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:09,224 So I'm-a do me Who else do I be? 9 00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:12,429 'Cause I create my own destiny 10 00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:16,066 I'm-a take back the world Yo, you got this, girl 11 00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:19,111 I'm steppin' up my game I'll keep repeating the same 12 00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:21,772 Be on my hustle every minute of the day 13 00:01:21,881 --> 00:01:23,746 It was mine for the taking anyways 14 00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:25,977 I'm-a take back the world 15 00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:28,442 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 16 00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:33,610 How come you always look so great in the morning? 17 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,314 Do I? Aw. 18 00:02:44,063 --> 00:02:45,052 Got to go, babe. 19 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,099 Oh! I made tempeh sausage. 20 00:02:57,310 --> 00:03:00,336 Hey, so, I was thinking that maybe you'd want to be my date 21 00:03:00,446 --> 00:03:02,539 to my sister's wedding. 22 00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,583 There's a vegetarian alternative. I already checked. 23 00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:08,148 Are your parents going to be there? 24 00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:12,385 At my sister's wedding? I think so. 25 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,050 I don't know. It just feels a little serious. 26 00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:17,622 Oh. 27 00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:20,596 I'm sorry, it just... 28 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:23,692 It felt kind of serious last night when you were doing me from behind, 29 00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:25,395 but I couldn't see your face, so... 30 00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:36,414 You know, if you ever want to just hook up, you can call me. 31 00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:40,849 Oh, thank you, Rick. That's very generous of you. 32 00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:44,047 Yeah. 33 00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:47,320 - See you around. - Keep it green. 34 00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:51,088 I roll with the punches Take 'em as they come 35 00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:54,166 There's some disappointment But what's the point 36 00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:57,434 WOMAN: Colin, hurry up. 37 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,801 Take a break for a sec Prepare for what's coming next 38 00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:03,032 I'm-a take back the world 39 00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:06,307 DAISY: (SIGHS) Ally, I could have told you 40 00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:08,778 it wasn't going to work out with Rick two months ago. 41 00:04:08,881 --> 00:04:10,109 Why? 42 00:04:10,216 --> 00:04:12,377 You love meat, you hate cyclists. 43 00:04:12,485 --> 00:04:14,715 - I do love meat. - And to be honest, 44 00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:18,154 I was always a little worried about the way he kept wanting to do it doggy style. 45 00:04:18,524 --> 00:04:20,583 Some people like that, you know. 46 00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:22,161 No, nobody likes it. 47 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,253 Even the dogs are just waiting for it to be over. 48 00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:27,891 How many relationships do I have to have before I meet the right guy? 49 00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,332 Evidently a lot. 50 00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:32,427 Hi. Hi, I'm the bride. I'm Daisy. If you could just... 51 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:37,401 I'm-a take back the world Yo, you got this, girl 52 00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:40,411 I'm steppin' up my game I'll keep repeating the same 53 00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:43,073 Be on my hustle every minute of the day 54 00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:45,047 Never let it get away 55 00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:48,416 I'm staying motivated Keep it uncomplicated 56 00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:52,651 Nothing in between me and my dream 57 00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:55,654 Be on my hustle every minute of the day 58 00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:57,354 It was mine for the taking anyways 59 00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,328 I'm-a take back the world 60 00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:00,729 Hi. 61 00:05:02,535 --> 00:05:05,095 - Hi, guys. Hi. - Hi. 62 00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:08,872 Right now. Thinking or smelling? 63 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,670 Ooh, no doubt smelling. 64 00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:13,439 Oh, he's obviously thinking. 65 00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:15,874 Whatever she's saying is thought-provoking. 66 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,974 That would be true if she's talking about what his finger smells like. 67 00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:28,025 - Ally. - Hi. 68 00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:34,259 Jet Li is not related to Bruce Lee. 69 00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:37,231 Lee is a very common Chinese last name. 70 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,498 They both know kung fu, but that's the... 71 00:05:40,873 --> 00:05:42,500 Keep your coat on. 72 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,538 Okay, hold... I got to call you back. 73 00:05:49,982 --> 00:05:53,349 Sweetheart, we have to let you go. 74 00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:57,014 I'm sorry, but we had to make some painful cuts. 75 00:05:57,390 --> 00:05:58,414 (SNIFFING) 76 00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:03,424 ALLY: Who else is getting fired? 77 00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:05,087 Well, for now, 78 00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:07,590 just you. 79 00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:25,182 Oy! 80 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,814 (CELL PHONE CACKLING) 81 00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:36,326 (WHISPERING) Hi, Mom, can I call you right back? I'm in a meeting. Okay. 82 00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:45,528 Mmm. 83 00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:46,839 (SCOFFS) 84 00:06:46,939 --> 00:06:48,167 Not necessary. 85 00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:52,236 No. 86 00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:56,273 Oh. 87 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,420 10.5? Holy shit! 88 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,257 I'm sorry. 89 00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:10,727 It just says here, the average number of lovers 90 00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:13,697 women have in their lifetime is 10.5. 91 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,631 Yeah, that seems very high. 92 00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:18,593 High? No, that's low! 93 00:07:18,871 --> 00:07:21,931 - 10.5 is low! - Whatever you say. 94 00:07:57,877 --> 00:07:59,071 (SIGHS) 95 00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:12,856 (SHOWER RUNNING) 96 00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:14,592 Valerio! 97 00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:38,816 Oh! Finally! 98 00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:40,681 Hi, Mom. 99 00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:42,421 Ow. 100 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:43,648 Oh, sorry. 101 00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:45,519 Sorry, the train was late. You look great. 102 00:08:48,327 --> 00:08:49,624 I'm growing out my bangs. 103 00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:50,889 Mmm. 104 00:08:51,163 --> 00:08:53,222 Oh, where is Rick? 105 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,732 Rick's on a business trip, for his business. 106 00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:58,468 Oh, nuts! I was looking forward to finally meeting him. 107 00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:00,801 At least this one doesn't make balloon animals. 108 00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:03,341 Why aren't you wearing the dress I bought you? 109 00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:06,142 This is the dress you bought me. 110 00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:08,839 What? It looked very different on the mannequin. 111 00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:12,679 - Is Daisy upstairs? - Yes, she is. She is a wreck! 112 00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:14,275 Okay. I'm gonna go check on her. 113 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,979 Please do. 114 00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:20,320 - Oh, your cousin Beau is here. - Step-cousin. 115 00:09:20,426 --> 00:09:23,589 He's a step-cousin. We're not even really related. 116 00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:27,363 Beau. 117 00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:30,159 Hi. 118 00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:31,793 Oh, thank God you're here. 119 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,737 Mom has been such a bitch ever since Eddie's parents got here. 120 00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:38,410 She just cannot believe that her marriage ended before theirs did. 121 00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:39,910 Well, Dad should be here soon, 122 00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:41,536 so she'll have someone else to focus her hatred on. 123 00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:45,384 Um, Dad's not coming. She wouldn't let me invite him here. 124 00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:47,008 Are you inviting him to the wedding? 125 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,787 (SIGHS) I don't know. 126 00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:50,212 Oh. 127 00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:56,887 Hey, what was Creepy Puppet Guy's actual name? 128 00:09:56,996 --> 00:10:00,088 You mean the guy who lived next door who was obsessed with me? Gerry Perry. 129 00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:02,064 Gerry Perry! Thank you. 130 00:10:05,871 --> 00:10:06,895 What are you writing? 131 00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:10,065 Nothing, just some notes for my toast. 132 00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:11,404 Is it gonna rhyme? 133 00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:13,740 That depends. What rhymes with "orgy"? 134 00:10:14,046 --> 00:10:16,173 You just keep it under three minutes. Ready? 135 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:18,375 - You look amazing. - Thank you. 136 00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:20,509 You go ahead. I'll be down in a couple of minutes. 137 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,678 Okay. 138 00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:25,886 Eight, nine, 10, 11, 139 00:10:25,992 --> 00:10:28,051 12, 13, 14, 15, 140 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:32,324 16, 17, 18, 19. 141 00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:36,524 Holy shit. 19? 142 00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:46,433 (GLASS CLINKING) 143 00:10:46,545 --> 00:10:48,740 May I have your attention, please? 144 00:10:49,281 --> 00:10:51,613 Oh, yoo-hoo! (LAUGHS) 145 00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:55,848 Can I have your attention, please? I want to thank you all, 146 00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,855 - each and every one... - Huh. 147 00:10:57,957 --> 00:10:58,946 Cute. 148 00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:00,355 (CHUCKLES) 149 00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:04,793 Beau. 150 00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:10,225 Careful. He can be a little rough on the nipples. 151 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:15,103 ...to celebrate my dream come true, the engagement of Daisy and Eddie. 152 00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:16,332 (GASPS) Ooh. 153 00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:20,378 As most of you know, we are a family that likes to toast one another. 154 00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:25,143 So, to start the ball rolling, Daisy's big sister... Ally? 155 00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:27,249 Ally. 156 00:11:29,822 --> 00:11:31,016 (GIGGLING) 157 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:32,688 ALLY: Hello. 158 00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:34,418 Hello. 159 00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:39,624 (LAUGHS) 160 00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:43,028 (SIGHS) 161 00:11:44,737 --> 00:11:48,400 When Daisy first told me that she was dating Eddie, 162 00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:49,531 I couldn't believe it. 163 00:11:49,675 --> 00:11:50,972 GUESTS: Aw! 164 00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:54,772 I said, "Eddie Vogel?" 165 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,178 "The schmuck you went out with in high school?" 166 00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:59,478 "He was the biggest douche-bag of them all." 167 00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:00,847 (CHUCKLES) 168 00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:03,581 Even worse than Baby Hands. You guys remember him? 169 00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:06,355 Baby Hands. 170 00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:10,156 You know how Eddie broke up with her? 171 00:12:10,696 --> 00:12:13,893 He started dating her best friend, who's here tonight, by the way. 172 00:12:13,999 --> 00:12:15,933 Sheila, stand up. 173 00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:20,928 (SIGHS) 174 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,065 But... 175 00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:24,699 But 176 00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:29,941 when Eddie saw Daisy at their high school reunion, 177 00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:32,517 he knew what a big mistake he had made. 178 00:12:32,618 --> 00:12:33,846 No offense, Sheila. 179 00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,554 And now, Eddie's amazing. 180 00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:38,623 You wouldn't even know he's the same guy. 181 00:12:38,724 --> 00:12:41,750 Except he looks exactly the same. 182 00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:43,158 (LAUGHING) 183 00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:48,100 God! I wish I went to my high school reunion, 184 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:49,531 but I was growing out my bangs. 185 00:12:50,669 --> 00:12:54,105 I'm always growing out my bangs. Don't get bangs. 186 00:12:58,010 --> 00:13:01,002 Well, to Daisy and Eddie! 187 00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:02,080 (GUESTS GASP) 188 00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:04,778 It's okay. It's okay. 189 00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:06,675 (GUESTS CHATTING) 190 00:13:12,091 --> 00:13:15,822 SHEILA: Okay, to Daisy and Eddie and the end of your life. 191 00:13:15,928 --> 00:13:17,293 To Daisy and Eddie. 192 00:13:17,396 --> 00:13:19,364 - ALL: To Daisy and Eddie. - To me. 193 00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:24,065 Okay, it's party game time! 194 00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:26,638 - Oh, a game? Really? - Absolutely! 195 00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:30,971 But which one? God, what to play? What to play? 196 00:13:31,076 --> 00:13:33,476 Ooh! Let's write down the number of people we slept with. 197 00:13:33,579 --> 00:13:35,103 - Great idea, Katie. - What? 198 00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:38,615 Okay, we just need paper and more drinks. Be right back. 199 00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,954 Of all the gin joints in all the towns. 200 00:13:47,092 --> 00:13:50,084 Of all the clich�s in all the world. 201 00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:54,730 Wow. I didn't know you were gonna take getting fired so hard. 202 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:59,036 I don't have to laugh at your jokes anymore because you're not my boss. 203 00:13:59,138 --> 00:14:02,039 Let me buy you these drinks. I feel really bad about today. 204 00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:04,035 Really? 205 00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:06,338 Thanks. I can't afford them anyway. 206 00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:07,912 Can I be honest with you? 207 00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:10,243 You never seemed to like marketing anyhow. 208 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,373 I liked it. 209 00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:13,041 Yeah, but you didn't love it. 210 00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:14,949 I guess I did you a favor. 211 00:14:15,087 --> 00:14:19,581 Now you can go get a job that you love with a boss who you, uh, like. 212 00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:21,717 I like you. 213 00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:24,359 Really? How much? 214 00:14:24,830 --> 00:14:25,990 (LAUGHS) 215 00:14:27,399 --> 00:14:28,798 She bought the whole bottle, didn't she? 216 00:14:31,403 --> 00:14:33,394 ALLY: Okay, so just write down the number of guys you've slept with 217 00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:35,336 and put it in this glass, 218 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:38,467 and then we'll pick out the number and guess who it belongs to. 219 00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:39,771 Daisy, you go first. 220 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:40,971 Yeah. 221 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:43,640 Four. 222 00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:45,011 - Oh! That's me. - Yay! 223 00:14:45,117 --> 00:14:47,142 No, no, no, that's not how you're supposed to play the game. 224 00:14:47,253 --> 00:14:48,277 We're supposed to guess. 225 00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:51,185 Who wasn't gonna guess Katie? She married Matt when she was, like, 12. 226 00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:53,758 - I'm surprised you've had that many. - Well... 227 00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:55,326 ALLY: Katie, your turn, let's go. 228 00:14:57,162 --> 00:14:59,858 Eight. Eight... Daisy. 229 00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:02,797 Yes, and I am twice the woman you are. 230 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,862 Six. 231 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,304 - Jamie? - Yep, that's me. 232 00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:09,173 Wait a second, you're a seven. 233 00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:12,370 - I never had sex with Lars. - Yes, you did. 234 00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:15,311 No. He only stuck it in just a little, so it doesn't count. 235 00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:17,678 - How much was it in? - This much. 236 00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:21,384 What is that? That tells me nothing. I've no idea how big Lars' penis is. 237 00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,546 I do. Counts. 238 00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:25,954 Okay. How much needs to go in to be considered sex? 239 00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:27,719 Anything more than the tip. 240 00:15:27,826 --> 00:15:30,192 Fine, I'm a seven. I mean, eight. 241 00:15:30,296 --> 00:15:32,025 - Shit! Nine! - Atta girl. 242 00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:33,530 Okay, Jamie, you go. 243 00:15:35,534 --> 00:15:36,626 Hmm. 244 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,028 Thirteen. 245 00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:40,332 KATIE: (GASPS) Thirteen? Who here is a 13? 246 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:41,406 Me. 247 00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:43,202 - Whore! - Trashy girl. Slut. 248 00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:44,674 KATIE: Sheila! JAMIE: Slut! 249 00:15:45,577 --> 00:15:47,067 Slutty whore! 250 00:15:47,179 --> 00:15:48,305 What is the big deal? 251 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:51,644 That is 13 different penises in one vagina. 252 00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:54,719 SHEILA: It's not like they were all in there at the same time. 253 00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:57,812 You know what? I'm done with this. Ally, you go. 254 00:15:58,190 --> 00:16:00,181 (CHUCKLES) Okay. 255 00:16:02,761 --> 00:16:04,456 Go, go, go, go. 256 00:16:07,066 --> 00:16:08,260 (COUGHS) 257 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:11,159 Oh! 258 00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:12,862 Wow, look at that, nine. 259 00:16:13,439 --> 00:16:15,304 I drew myself. Game over. 260 00:16:15,407 --> 00:16:17,534 Wait. A one. Is this yours? 261 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,509 - Uh... - Oh, my God. 262 00:16:20,612 --> 00:16:22,045 You're at 91. 263 00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:24,172 No! I'm at nine! 264 00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:26,217 You're at 19. 265 00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:27,913 KATIE: (GASPS) Nineteen! 266 00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:29,351 (ALL EX CLAIMING) 267 00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:32,613 Hello, friend. 268 00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:34,859 Fine, I admit it. I'm at 19, 269 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,827 almost twice the national average. It's bad! 270 00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:41,388 And look at this, there's even a whole article in Marie Claire about it. 271 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:44,560 I thought that playing this game would make me feel better about my number, 272 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,969 but now I think the homeless lady on the train was right. It's high! 273 00:16:48,073 --> 00:16:50,132 Apparently in America, 96% of women 274 00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:54,110 who have been with 20 or more lovers can't find a husband. 275 00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:55,805 - It actually says 20? - Mmm-hmm. 276 00:16:55,914 --> 00:16:57,279 Who cares? Who did that study anyway? 277 00:16:57,383 --> 00:16:59,544 The scientists over there at Marie Claire magazine? 278 00:16:59,718 --> 00:17:02,619 Hey, that magazine taught me how to orgasm. 279 00:17:02,721 --> 00:17:05,622 Actually, that study was conducted by Dr. Helen Fig, 280 00:17:05,724 --> 00:17:08,192 a postdoctoral fellow at Harvard University. 281 00:17:08,293 --> 00:17:09,282 Shit! 282 00:17:09,661 --> 00:17:11,686 I see it in my practice all the time. 283 00:17:11,797 --> 00:17:14,197 When you're too sexually available, it messes with your self-esteem. 284 00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:18,531 Next thing you know, you're 45 with no self-respect, no husband, 285 00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:20,764 and no muscle tone in your pelvic floor. 286 00:17:22,307 --> 00:17:25,037 Okay. Well, that is not gonna happen to me. 287 00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:26,771 Harvard says that 20 is the limit. 288 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:30,246 I'm at 19, so that gives me one more chance. 289 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:31,907 (CLEARS THROAT) 290 00:17:32,017 --> 00:17:33,143 Okay. 291 00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:34,719 I'm gonna make a proclamation. 292 00:17:35,087 --> 00:17:36,179 (PATRONS EX CLAIMING) 293 00:17:36,288 --> 00:17:38,279 Shut up! I'm proclamating. 294 00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:44,853 Okay. I am not gonna sleep with one more guy until I am sure he's the one. 295 00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:46,726 I may not have control over much, 296 00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:49,665 but I do have control over my pelvic floor. 297 00:17:50,502 --> 00:17:53,596 The next guy who vacations at casa esperanza 298 00:17:53,705 --> 00:17:55,673 is going to be my husband. 299 00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:57,036 - All right. - Yeah. 300 00:17:57,142 --> 00:18:00,543 To taking control of my own destiny. 301 00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:02,773 ALL: To taking control! 302 00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:11,485 To better decision-making and goal-following-through. 303 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:14,753 To better decision-making and goals! 304 00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:16,889 To 20! 305 00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:18,323 ALL: To 20! 306 00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:19,894 (ALL CHEERING) 307 00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:22,558 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 308 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,171 Oh, shit. 309 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:14,251 (WHIMPERING) Oh, no. Oh, my God. 310 00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:16,248 (GROANS) 311 00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:19,915 Hi. 312 00:19:20,025 --> 00:19:22,619 - I slept with my ex-boss. - Carol? 313 00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:24,923 No! The job I just got fired from. 314 00:19:25,030 --> 00:19:27,498 - You got fired? - This is your fault. 315 00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:30,227 When I tried to get you to leave the bar last night, you spit on me. 316 00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:31,969 But congratulations. 317 00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:34,038 You said 20 is your husband. Now you're at 20. 318 00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:35,933 - Shut up. - I have to admit 319 00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:38,305 that I just did not think it was gonna happen this quickly, 320 00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:39,399 but I'm so excited. 321 00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:42,375 Hey, Eddie, Ally's gonna get married. 322 00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,072 - Great. - He's thrilled. 323 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,879 I know you're just being a bitch, but maybe he is my husband. 324 00:19:46,985 --> 00:19:50,250 Maybe it's fate. Now we've got a great story to tell our grandkids. 325 00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:56,284 I don't know why I never considered him before. 326 00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:02,431 (SNIFFING) 327 00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,665 He's not my husband. 328 00:20:04,903 --> 00:20:06,336 (TAP RUNNING) 329 00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:12,270 - Morning. - Morning. 330 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:14,470 - Hey, you're out of toilet paper. - Okay. 331 00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:15,877 Oh, did you make coffee? 332 00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:18,346 No. There's a Starbucks on your way to the T. 333 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,975 Oh, that's okay. Did you get the newspaper? 334 00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:22,348 No, no, I don't get that. 335 00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:23,546 (KNOCK AT DOOR) 336 00:20:24,823 --> 00:20:26,518 - Morning, 6-C. - That's not mine. 337 00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:30,023 Okay. I locked myself out of my apartment. 338 00:20:30,128 --> 00:20:33,825 My keys and wallet, everything, it's over there. Can I use your phone? 339 00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:36,127 Sure, of course, let me just get that. 340 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,896 Hey, Roger, why don't we talk later? 341 00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:40,471 Because I think 6-A really needs my help. 342 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:41,903 - Colin. - Hi. 343 00:20:42,207 --> 00:20:43,936 - Nice to meet you. - Yeah. 344 00:20:47,846 --> 00:20:49,074 So, 345 00:20:50,382 --> 00:20:51,815 how about some dinner tonight? 346 00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:55,210 - Tonight, tonight? - Mmm-hmm. 347 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:58,118 Oh, we have that tenants' meeting tonight. 348 00:20:59,224 --> 00:21:01,715 Oh! That's right. Tenants' meeting. 349 00:21:02,461 --> 00:21:03,450 (SNIFFING) 350 00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:06,656 Oh, we're trying to get this very loud bird evicted. 351 00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:11,863 But why don't I call you later and we'll figure out 352 00:21:11,970 --> 00:21:16,498 maybe another time that we can get together. 353 00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:17,597 Okay. 354 00:21:27,219 --> 00:21:28,550 ALLY: Bye. 355 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,325 Hi, I'm Roger. 356 00:21:37,195 --> 00:21:39,493 Hey, do you think the woman coming out of your apartment 357 00:21:39,598 --> 00:21:41,828 could have helped you with the "being locked out" problem? 358 00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,431 (LAUGHING) 359 00:21:45,003 --> 00:21:46,095 Okay. 360 00:21:46,204 --> 00:21:49,071 Uh, I had a little situation that I needed to get out of, 361 00:21:49,174 --> 00:21:51,199 not unlike your situation here, so I... 362 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,403 Lied to her, then lied to me? 363 00:21:53,545 --> 00:21:56,514 I look at it as trying to avoid hurt feelings. 364 00:21:57,849 --> 00:21:58,838 Wow. 365 00:21:58,950 --> 00:22:00,679 This is pretty cool. Where'd you get this? 366 00:22:00,786 --> 00:22:02,117 I made it. 367 00:22:02,954 --> 00:22:04,922 - No shit. - Shit. 368 00:22:05,057 --> 00:22:06,922 Listen, I don't want to have anything to do 369 00:22:07,025 --> 00:22:09,687 with your crusade to sleep with every woman in Boston, okay? 370 00:22:09,795 --> 00:22:11,126 They're kind of like my sisters. 371 00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:13,598 Wow. I thought you'd be cooler than this. 372 00:22:13,699 --> 00:22:15,223 I saw that toast you made on YouTube. 373 00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:16,961 Seemed like you had a good sense of humor. 374 00:22:17,069 --> 00:22:19,333 Those bitches put my toast up on YouTube? 375 00:22:20,072 --> 00:22:21,596 How did you see it already? 376 00:22:21,707 --> 00:22:23,868 I got everybody in the building on Google Alert. 377 00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:26,906 I come from a family of cops, it's in my nature to dig up dirt. 378 00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:30,179 Guy in 4-D tried to marry his dog. 379 00:22:30,282 --> 00:22:32,250 - No! Bandit? - Oh, yeah. 380 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:37,178 All right, well, looks like the coast is clear. 381 00:22:37,289 --> 00:22:39,382 Thank you. You're a peach. 382 00:22:39,491 --> 00:22:40,549 You're a pig. 383 00:22:46,498 --> 00:22:47,590 Mmm. 384 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:49,458 (GRUNTS) 385 00:22:50,302 --> 00:22:51,326 This is good. 386 00:22:51,470 --> 00:22:55,463 Okay, okay, that's enough. I think the idea is just to taste them. 387 00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:58,066 Why? Nobody's ever gonna see me naked again. 388 00:22:58,176 --> 00:22:59,302 I might as well enjoy myself. 389 00:22:59,444 --> 00:23:02,777 Yeah, like you're really gonna be celibate. 390 00:23:02,881 --> 00:23:05,475 I don't have a choice. I said I was gonna stop at 20, 391 00:23:05,584 --> 00:23:09,281 and now, thanks to that finger-smelling fuck, I'm at 20. 392 00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:11,413 Just promise me you're not gonna put me at the singles' table 393 00:23:11,523 --> 00:23:13,855 with Sheila and her mom. Please. 394 00:23:13,959 --> 00:23:16,484 Seating is really complicated. 395 00:23:16,595 --> 00:23:18,153 Oh, my God. 396 00:23:20,132 --> 00:23:21,793 Wait. 397 00:23:21,933 --> 00:23:24,868 - Does that guy look familiar to you? - No. 398 00:23:26,505 --> 00:23:28,132 Oh, shit! 399 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,867 - (GASPS) - What? 400 00:23:29,975 --> 00:23:33,240 That's Disgusting Donald! I dated him. 401 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,440 - Did I ever meet him? - No! Nobody did. 402 00:23:39,618 --> 00:23:42,018 He's the reason I learned to cook. 403 00:23:42,888 --> 00:23:46,449 (GROANS) We have nothing to eat! Honey, let's go out tonight. 404 00:23:47,926 --> 00:23:52,158 I don't know. There's just so many people out there. 405 00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:55,722 Come on. I want to try the new Korean barbecue place everyone's talking about. 406 00:23:55,834 --> 00:23:58,064 I can make Korean barbecue. Easy. What do we need? 407 00:23:58,170 --> 00:24:00,968 Uh, a table with a grill built into it. 408 00:24:01,373 --> 00:24:05,173 That guy doesn't look disgusting at all. He's actually kind of cute. 409 00:24:05,310 --> 00:24:07,039 I know, but I really think it's him. 410 00:24:07,145 --> 00:24:09,613 All right, well, go say hi and see. 411 00:24:14,786 --> 00:24:15,844 Mmm. 412 00:24:22,761 --> 00:24:24,160 Ally? 413 00:24:24,329 --> 00:24:26,354 - Donald? - Oh, my gosh. 414 00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:27,727 - It is you. - Hi. 415 00:24:27,833 --> 00:24:32,327 Hi. I can't believe it. I cannot believe it. 416 00:24:32,437 --> 00:24:34,029 Yeah, well... 417 00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:39,868 Oh, Ally, please meet my fianc�e, Cara. 418 00:24:40,011 --> 00:24:41,000 - Hi. - This is Ally. 419 00:24:41,112 --> 00:24:43,376 - Nice to meet you. - You, too. 420 00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:47,680 Wow. So, how did you guys meet? 421 00:24:48,954 --> 00:24:50,888 - At a conference. - At a conference. 422 00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:53,583 Can you believe it? She's a rocket scientist. 423 00:24:53,692 --> 00:24:55,182 - No, I'm not. - Yes, you are. 424 00:24:55,293 --> 00:24:58,421 I'm actually just an engineer, but he loves to say that. 425 00:24:58,530 --> 00:25:01,397 - You know, I'm not the typical... - I get it. 426 00:25:02,434 --> 00:25:04,299 Ally and I are old friends. 427 00:25:05,804 --> 00:25:07,738 What are you doing here? 428 00:25:08,874 --> 00:25:12,071 Oh, I'm just tasting some cake 429 00:25:12,777 --> 00:25:14,210 for my wedding. 430 00:25:14,779 --> 00:25:16,838 - Oh! - I'm marrying a scientist, too. 431 00:25:18,149 --> 00:25:20,640 Yeah, he doesn't look smart either. 432 00:25:20,952 --> 00:25:22,385 I'm here with my sister 433 00:25:22,487 --> 00:25:27,948 because he's up in the North Pole dealing with the whole icecap situation. 434 00:25:28,727 --> 00:25:29,751 - Oh. - Yeah. 435 00:25:29,995 --> 00:25:32,054 He's probably gonna fix it. 436 00:25:32,430 --> 00:25:34,728 I can't believe that he said that we were just friends. 437 00:25:34,833 --> 00:25:36,164 Like I was the embarrassment! 438 00:25:36,301 --> 00:25:38,565 He had man boobs, big hairy ones. 439 00:25:38,703 --> 00:25:40,136 God! I can't believe it's the same guy. 440 00:25:40,238 --> 00:25:42,035 He looks so good now. He even looks taller. 441 00:25:42,140 --> 00:25:43,539 A lot of men get better with age. 442 00:25:43,642 --> 00:25:46,338 I mean, you said it yourself, Eddie used to be a total douche. 443 00:25:46,444 --> 00:25:47,911 People change. 444 00:25:49,681 --> 00:25:50,978 You're right. 445 00:25:51,082 --> 00:25:52,515 Daisy, you're a genius. 446 00:25:52,617 --> 00:25:54,312 I don't have to be celibate or go over 20. 447 00:25:54,419 --> 00:25:55,613 What do you mean? 448 00:25:55,954 --> 00:25:58,718 Donald can't be my only ex who's gotten better with time. 449 00:25:58,957 --> 00:26:00,390 (EXHALES) Okay. 450 00:26:01,126 --> 00:26:02,559 Love you. 451 00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:04,987 (ANIMAL PLAYING) 452 00:26:13,004 --> 00:26:14,232 (SIGHS) 453 00:26:14,339 --> 00:26:15,465 Right. 454 00:26:17,275 --> 00:26:19,004 (READING) 455 00:26:21,246 --> 00:26:22,838 Okay. Huh! 456 00:26:23,081 --> 00:26:24,139 Jake Adams' dad. 457 00:26:24,716 --> 00:26:25,944 Jake Adams' Facebook. 458 00:26:27,552 --> 00:26:28,849 Okay. 459 00:26:29,554 --> 00:26:30,987 Jake Adams III. 460 00:26:31,089 --> 00:26:33,080 No, Jake Adams IV. 461 00:26:33,191 --> 00:26:36,422 Oh, forget it. All right, moving on, for now. 462 00:26:38,396 --> 00:26:40,023 What do we have next? 463 00:26:40,498 --> 00:26:42,466 Mike Miller. 464 00:26:43,501 --> 00:26:45,298 Eleven million results? 465 00:26:45,904 --> 00:26:47,337 Holy shit! 466 00:26:48,873 --> 00:26:51,808 From Cresskill, New Jersey. 467 00:26:52,677 --> 00:26:55,840 Eight million results! What the fuck? 468 00:26:55,947 --> 00:27:00,145 Mike Miller from Cresskill, New Jersey, obsessed with Bruce Springsteen, 469 00:27:00,251 --> 00:27:03,049 big balls, tiny penis? 470 00:27:05,390 --> 00:27:07,324 What? No! God! 471 00:27:07,993 --> 00:27:09,984 Oh, God, stop it! No! 472 00:27:16,368 --> 00:27:17,426 AUTOMATED VOICE: Goodbye. 473 00:27:22,273 --> 00:27:23,501 (GROANS) 474 00:27:23,642 --> 00:27:25,132 (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) 475 00:27:36,254 --> 00:27:37,585 Balls. 476 00:27:39,257 --> 00:27:41,589 (SINGING) You know, I swing them left and I swing them right 477 00:27:41,693 --> 00:27:43,820 COLIN: That's not my fault. (CHUCKLES) 478 00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:47,795 I told you not to put it there. 479 00:27:50,101 --> 00:27:51,500 Under the bed. 480 00:27:52,470 --> 00:27:53,494 Hi. 481 00:27:53,605 --> 00:27:55,436 Morning, 6-C. 482 00:27:55,540 --> 00:27:57,770 Hey, I see that you have company, 483 00:27:57,876 --> 00:28:00,709 but I just want to ask you a really quick question. 484 00:28:00,812 --> 00:28:02,871 Remember how you said you were good at digging up dirt? 485 00:28:02,981 --> 00:28:06,417 Do you think that maybe I could pay you to find some people for me? 486 00:28:06,851 --> 00:28:10,116 Sweetheart, if I'm gonna help you, you got to give me more info than that. 487 00:28:10,221 --> 00:28:12,155 Just some guys that I've dated. 488 00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:14,886 Oh, you have herpes. That's not a fun call to make. 489 00:28:15,260 --> 00:28:16,659 No, I... 490 00:28:16,761 --> 00:28:17,785 I don't know. I just... 491 00:28:17,896 --> 00:28:21,627 I think that one of these guys might be worth a second look. 492 00:28:31,242 --> 00:28:33,574 No. I refuse to be a part of this type of crazy. 493 00:28:33,678 --> 00:28:36,408 I don't know why these guys broke up with you, and I need to protect them. 494 00:28:37,248 --> 00:28:39,307 Wait. Why do you assume they all broke up with me? 495 00:28:40,085 --> 00:28:42,849 Because you seem like the type of girl who tries to make a bad thing work. 496 00:28:43,354 --> 00:28:44,844 Some people call that optimism. 497 00:28:45,023 --> 00:28:47,014 I call it crazy. 498 00:28:47,125 --> 00:28:49,355 I'm sorry I asked. I knew you'd be a jerk. 499 00:28:49,461 --> 00:28:52,157 Don't be mad. It doesn't mean I won't sleep with you. 500 00:28:52,330 --> 00:28:53,797 Ugh! Gross. 501 00:29:09,647 --> 00:29:12,912 Colin! Colin, open up! Colin! 502 00:29:14,252 --> 00:29:16,618 Colin, we got to go! Mom fell in the shower. 503 00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:19,085 - What? - Yeah, she fell in the shower! 504 00:29:19,190 --> 00:29:20,282 Hi. 505 00:29:20,391 --> 00:29:24,327 She's at the hospital. She's all wet. 506 00:29:25,630 --> 00:29:26,892 We got to get out of here! 507 00:29:26,998 --> 00:29:29,592 They're drying her off right now, as we speak. 508 00:29:29,701 --> 00:29:32,568 I'm so sorry. You seem like a really awesome person. 509 00:29:33,138 --> 00:29:35,470 I'm sure he's gonna call you, but we got to go! 510 00:29:35,573 --> 00:29:37,666 Come on! She's hurt! 511 00:29:41,279 --> 00:29:43,144 (CHUCKLES) Very impressive. 512 00:29:43,248 --> 00:29:44,476 Hmm. 513 00:29:44,749 --> 00:29:47,877 You help me track down my exes, I'll help you escape yours. 514 00:29:48,753 --> 00:29:51,278 What happened to protecting your sisters? 515 00:29:51,422 --> 00:29:54,186 If those girls can't see you coming, they deserve what they get. 516 00:29:54,292 --> 00:29:55,782 Wow. Jesus. 517 00:29:56,261 --> 00:29:59,128 This place really goes on and on, doesn't it? 518 00:30:00,498 --> 00:30:03,023 And you can use my apartment to hide in. 519 00:30:05,036 --> 00:30:06,697 - Here you go. - Thank you. 520 00:30:06,805 --> 00:30:09,171 Thanks, Diana. Okay. 521 00:30:09,274 --> 00:30:11,333 So, here's all the info I have on the guys. 522 00:30:11,442 --> 00:30:13,239 Names, most recent phone numbers... 523 00:30:13,344 --> 00:30:15,676 Hey! Addresses. 524 00:30:15,780 --> 00:30:19,682 Find out who's alive, single, and still on the East Coast, okay? 525 00:30:19,784 --> 00:30:21,979 I'll take a car or a train, but not a plane. 526 00:30:22,554 --> 00:30:25,546 I prioritized the list, so start at the top. 527 00:30:25,657 --> 00:30:28,182 Jake Adams. Is that the one that got away? 528 00:30:28,293 --> 00:30:30,261 Well, something like that. 529 00:30:30,361 --> 00:30:33,455 His dad's name is also Jake Adams and he owns, like, half of Boston. 530 00:30:33,565 --> 00:30:36,261 - So, he should be pretty easy to find. - The Jake Adams? 531 00:30:36,901 --> 00:30:37,993 Well, he may not be hard to find, 532 00:30:38,102 --> 00:30:39,433 but I guarantee he's gonna be hard to get to. 533 00:30:39,904 --> 00:30:41,838 You don't have a phone number or address or anything like that? 534 00:30:41,973 --> 00:30:44,066 If I had that, I wouldn't need you. 535 00:30:44,175 --> 00:30:47,372 I do know that Tom Piper is on the fast track to becoming a senator. 536 00:30:47,478 --> 00:30:49,810 Oh, and move John Kimble up to number three. 537 00:30:49,914 --> 00:30:53,042 He probably still works at Starbucks, but he's the best sex I've ever had. 538 00:30:53,151 --> 00:30:54,448 You haven't had sex with me. 539 00:30:54,586 --> 00:30:57,783 No, but I have had sex with other overly confident struggling musicians. 540 00:30:57,889 --> 00:30:59,254 So, I'm good. 541 00:30:59,357 --> 00:31:00,984 What makes you think I'm a musician? 542 00:31:01,092 --> 00:31:04,118 Guitar in your apartment, you dress like a horny teenager, 543 00:31:04,229 --> 00:31:06,163 I paid for that sandwich. Struggling musician. 544 00:31:06,631 --> 00:31:08,121 So, I don't get it. Why go through all this trouble? 545 00:31:08,233 --> 00:31:09,359 Why not just find a new guy? 546 00:31:09,467 --> 00:31:11,697 No. No new guys. 547 00:31:11,803 --> 00:31:13,498 New is always better than old. 548 00:31:13,605 --> 00:31:14,867 Of course you'd say that. 549 00:31:14,973 --> 00:31:17,942 I bet the longest relationship you've ever had is with that sandwich. 550 00:31:20,478 --> 00:31:22,207 (CHIT CHATPLAYING) 551 00:31:24,082 --> 00:31:28,178 What's it like for you to fall asleep with all your thoughts? 552 00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:34,419 Do you wake up blue? Do you just sleep it off? 553 00:31:34,959 --> 00:31:36,654 - That's pretty. - I know. 554 00:31:36,828 --> 00:31:39,353 Are you really gonna let us look good at your wedding? 555 00:31:40,231 --> 00:31:43,894 No. That's Mom's dress. Those are the bridesmaids' dresses. 556 00:31:44,435 --> 00:31:45,493 - (GASPS) - (GROANS) 557 00:31:45,603 --> 00:31:46,934 Sorry. Mom picked them out, 558 00:31:47,038 --> 00:31:48,596 and I'm trying to keep her happy 559 00:31:48,706 --> 00:31:50,469 because I invited Dad to the wedding. 560 00:31:50,575 --> 00:31:53,476 - Have you told Mom? - No, not yet. 561 00:31:55,246 --> 00:31:57,237 (GASPS) Oh, wow! 562 00:31:57,348 --> 00:31:58,610 I think this is it, right? 563 00:31:58,883 --> 00:31:59,872 (ALL EX CLAIMING) 564 00:32:01,686 --> 00:32:03,085 It's beautiful. 565 00:32:03,187 --> 00:32:05,155 - Perfect. - I love it. 566 00:32:05,256 --> 00:32:06,848 That is a lot of poof. 567 00:32:07,492 --> 00:32:09,119 The poof is what I like about it. 568 00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:11,885 But don't you want to have wedding night sex with your dress still on? 569 00:32:11,996 --> 00:32:14,931 - I don't know. Do I? - Yeah, naughty bride, you do. 570 00:32:15,033 --> 00:32:16,762 I'm just concerned that with all those layers 571 00:32:16,868 --> 00:32:18,631 he's not gonna be able to find your vagina. 572 00:32:18,736 --> 00:32:21,102 - Good point. - I mean, forget about 69. 573 00:32:21,205 --> 00:32:24,333 She's not gonna 69. 574 00:32:24,442 --> 00:32:27,309 - Why not? - Because she's a grown-up. 575 00:32:27,412 --> 00:32:29,107 Sixty-nines are for when you're 17 576 00:32:29,213 --> 00:32:32,649 and you're trying to cram everything in at once before your parents get home. 577 00:32:32,750 --> 00:32:33,876 Thank you. 578 00:32:33,985 --> 00:32:37,614 Matt is always trying to do that, and I say, "Let's just take turns." 579 00:32:37,722 --> 00:32:39,587 - (CELL PHONE CHIMES) - "What's the rush?" 580 00:32:39,691 --> 00:32:41,591 Oh, my God. He found Dave Hansen. 581 00:32:41,693 --> 00:32:44,184 Wait. Are you tracking down all your ex-boyfriends 582 00:32:44,295 --> 00:32:46,456 so you don't have to go over 20? 583 00:32:46,564 --> 00:32:47,861 - What? - Think about it. 584 00:32:47,966 --> 00:32:49,433 If it works out with one of these guys, 585 00:32:49,534 --> 00:32:51,627 that means a whole period of my life won't have been a waste. 586 00:32:51,736 --> 00:32:53,567 Yeah, but it didn't work out with any of those guys 587 00:32:53,671 --> 00:32:55,400 because they were all wrong for you. 588 00:32:55,540 --> 00:32:58,566 Dave Hansen. Isn't that the magician you dated? 589 00:33:04,415 --> 00:33:06,349 I believe this is yours. 590 00:33:14,192 --> 00:33:16,387 I believe these are yours. 591 00:33:20,965 --> 00:33:23,160 Wow! You work fast! 592 00:33:23,267 --> 00:33:25,895 This one was easy. He has his own website, 593 00:33:26,004 --> 00:33:27,471 supersexymagic.com. 594 00:33:29,607 --> 00:33:31,598 Well, I'm sure I'll be able to find him. 595 00:33:31,743 --> 00:33:34,678 So, you can scoot and skedaddle. 596 00:33:34,779 --> 00:33:36,406 And miss the show? 597 00:33:43,521 --> 00:33:45,148 (LAUGHS) Okay. 598 00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:47,389 (LAUGHING) 599 00:33:48,059 --> 00:33:50,527 Nope, I'm done here. 600 00:33:50,628 --> 00:33:51,652 That's it? 601 00:33:53,831 --> 00:33:56,197 Why? Because he's a bartender? 602 00:33:56,300 --> 00:33:58,268 No, because he's still a bartender. 603 00:33:58,369 --> 00:34:00,337 He's exactly where he was nine years ago, 604 00:34:00,438 --> 00:34:04,841 an out-of-work magician who sleeps till noon, bartends till 3:00, 605 00:34:04,942 --> 00:34:06,876 and goes around pulling money out of people. 606 00:34:06,978 --> 00:34:08,468 He keeps your quarter, by the way. 607 00:34:08,579 --> 00:34:12,106 So what? You could have had some fun for old times' sake. 608 00:34:12,216 --> 00:34:14,047 No. You know, even if it didn't raise my number, 609 00:34:14,218 --> 00:34:16,686 I can't afford to waste anymore time on guys like him. 610 00:34:16,788 --> 00:34:18,380 Wait, wait, wait. That's what this is about? 611 00:34:18,489 --> 00:34:23,620 You don't want to raise your number! That's why you won't sleep with me. 612 00:34:23,728 --> 00:34:27,164 No, there's a lot of reasons why I won't sleep with you. 613 00:34:27,265 --> 00:34:28,562 No, there's not. 614 00:34:28,933 --> 00:34:31,401 I don't know why girls care so much about their number anyway. 615 00:34:31,502 --> 00:34:34,835 You guys all have this ideal girl in your minds 616 00:34:34,939 --> 00:34:38,932 and if our number gets too high, we can't be that girl. 617 00:34:39,043 --> 00:34:41,409 The ideal girl. Tell me about her. 618 00:34:41,512 --> 00:34:44,037 You know, you can take her home to the family, 619 00:34:44,148 --> 00:34:48,551 she's smart, but not smarter than you, and she bakes apple pies with your mom 620 00:34:48,653 --> 00:34:50,245 and plays catch with your handicapped sister, 621 00:34:50,354 --> 00:34:52,618 but then when you're alone, she's takes off her glasses 622 00:34:52,723 --> 00:34:54,918 and puts on a vinyl cat suit and fucks you sideways! 623 00:34:55,026 --> 00:34:57,722 That girl doesn't exist. If she did, I'd be sleeping with her. 624 00:34:57,829 --> 00:35:01,321 And what kind of guy cares about how many people you've slept with anyway? 625 00:35:01,432 --> 00:35:02,831 Decent guys. 626 00:35:26,557 --> 00:35:29,822 Hey! What are you doing? 627 00:35:31,195 --> 00:35:32,423 Waiting for 628 00:35:32,563 --> 00:35:33,894 (HISSES) 629 00:35:33,998 --> 00:35:35,329 Amy to leave. 630 00:35:35,433 --> 00:35:38,334 You hooked up with someone last night after I left you? 631 00:35:38,436 --> 00:35:40,370 Hooking up sounds so crass. 632 00:35:40,471 --> 00:35:42,769 We shared a romantic experience. 633 00:35:43,341 --> 00:35:45,571 And then I told her I had an early dentist appointment, 634 00:35:45,676 --> 00:35:48,440 and I'm hiding on your couch till she leaves. 635 00:35:48,546 --> 00:35:52,983 Well, maybe you could use this downtime to do some actual work. 636 00:35:53,084 --> 00:35:56,212 I am working. I set up a Facebook account for you. 637 00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:59,812 (SIGHS) I don't want to be on Facebook. What picture did you use? 638 00:35:59,924 --> 00:36:01,391 The one I just took of you sleeping. 639 00:36:01,893 --> 00:36:03,087 I think this is gonna be better. 640 00:36:03,194 --> 00:36:04,923 While you're looking for them, they can be looking for you. 641 00:36:05,029 --> 00:36:06,462 Fine, but I refuse to tweet. 642 00:36:06,564 --> 00:36:07,588 Ooh! 643 00:36:07,698 --> 00:36:10,997 Number 14, Evan Slater, has friend-requested you. 644 00:36:11,102 --> 00:36:12,831 He's tagged you in a photo 645 00:36:12,937 --> 00:36:16,202 and he's suggested you become a fan of Tito's Tacos. 646 00:36:16,374 --> 00:36:18,274 Ooh. I liked Evan. 647 00:36:18,376 --> 00:36:20,310 Yeah, and who doesn't like tacos? 648 00:36:20,945 --> 00:36:22,913 (GASPS) He's adorable. 649 00:36:26,083 --> 00:36:28,608 And so are his wife and kids. 650 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:31,415 Well, he clearly doesn't understand what Facebook is for. 651 00:36:31,522 --> 00:36:33,547 You know, if you don't start taking this job more seriously, 652 00:36:33,658 --> 00:36:36,183 you're fired from using my apartment. 653 00:36:36,994 --> 00:36:38,188 Where's my coffee pot? 654 00:36:38,296 --> 00:36:39,661 I broke it. 655 00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:42,056 If you were on Twitter, you'd know that already. 656 00:36:46,771 --> 00:36:48,864 You owe me $19.95. 657 00:36:48,973 --> 00:36:50,907 How about I pay you back in Chinese food? 658 00:36:51,008 --> 00:36:52,498 I ordered Charlie Chiang. 659 00:36:52,610 --> 00:36:54,407 Did you get the itty-bitty spare ribs? 660 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:57,011 Okay, I'll be there in five minutes. 661 00:36:58,416 --> 00:36:59,508 Hey. 662 00:36:59,817 --> 00:37:01,375 Hey, come on in. 663 00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:07,452 (EXHALES IN AWE) 664 00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:10,656 - Wow. - Yeah. 665 00:37:11,062 --> 00:37:12,791 Dad didn't take me to too many ball games, 666 00:37:12,897 --> 00:37:15,388 but we did go on a lot of stakeouts. 667 00:37:15,499 --> 00:37:16,932 It's impressive. 668 00:37:19,637 --> 00:37:21,798 COLIN: Okay, so Mike Miller and Eric Hamilton are married. 669 00:37:22,073 --> 00:37:25,270 So is Valerio, the guy from Italy. 670 00:37:25,509 --> 00:37:26,806 - Ew. - Plum sauce? 671 00:37:26,911 --> 00:37:28,401 Yes, please, but no mustard. 672 00:37:28,512 --> 00:37:30,742 No mustard? Mustard's the best part. 673 00:37:30,848 --> 00:37:32,110 Not if you hate mustard. 674 00:37:33,017 --> 00:37:34,746 Anything on Jake Adams yet? 675 00:37:34,852 --> 00:37:36,410 No. I'm sorry. 676 00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:38,852 I told you, rich people are very good at protecting their privacy, 677 00:37:38,956 --> 00:37:40,150 but just be patient, we'll find him. 678 00:37:40,925 --> 00:37:42,722 What about Simon Forester? 679 00:37:42,827 --> 00:37:44,795 He's separated and his house just went on the market, 680 00:37:44,895 --> 00:37:47,523 so I'm guessing a divorce is right around the corner. 681 00:37:47,698 --> 00:37:50,496 Huh. Okay. Let's try Simon. 682 00:37:50,601 --> 00:37:51,932 Simon. 683 00:37:52,069 --> 00:37:55,800 Okay, so what's my plan? Guy getting a divorce. 684 00:37:56,507 --> 00:37:57,531 Divorce... 685 00:37:59,777 --> 00:38:02,769 I could find out who his lawyer is and get a job there as his assistant. 686 00:38:03,314 --> 00:38:07,580 Or we keep it simple and you just go look at his open house. 687 00:38:09,387 --> 00:38:10,354 Huh. 688 00:38:10,454 --> 00:38:13,582 The challenge with a newly divorced guy is that he's just looking to have fun. 689 00:38:13,691 --> 00:38:15,556 What you got to do is give him the best sex of his life. 690 00:38:15,660 --> 00:38:18,629 He can't realize that he's falling in love with you until it's too late. 691 00:38:18,763 --> 00:38:22,324 So, I'm covering up the fact that I'm marriage material with amazing sex? 692 00:38:22,867 --> 00:38:26,030 - Yeah. How's your blowjob? - What? 693 00:38:26,137 --> 00:38:28,537 Relax. This is business. I'm trying to help you. 694 00:38:28,639 --> 00:38:30,664 Well, if you must know, it's pretty good. 695 00:38:30,775 --> 00:38:32,936 It's the hand job I haven't quite figured out yet. 696 00:38:33,044 --> 00:38:35,808 Well, I guarantee you he has, so skip it. 697 00:38:36,547 --> 00:38:38,606 All right, I guess this is it. 698 00:38:38,716 --> 00:38:40,047 - Ready? - Yeah. 699 00:38:42,053 --> 00:38:45,045 This is nice. Simon's doing well. 700 00:38:45,456 --> 00:38:48,016 I wonder where the realtor is. 701 00:38:48,125 --> 00:38:49,456 Hello? 702 00:38:54,832 --> 00:38:55,821 Is that... 703 00:38:56,167 --> 00:38:57,225 (EX CLAIMS) 704 00:38:57,335 --> 00:38:58,700 What the... 705 00:38:58,869 --> 00:39:00,268 - Donald! - Ally! 706 00:39:00,371 --> 00:39:02,168 What the fuck are you doing in my home? 707 00:39:02,873 --> 00:39:03,931 Uh... 708 00:39:04,542 --> 00:39:08,546 The door was open, so I just assumed this was the open house. 709 00:39:08,679 --> 00:39:12,775 No. No. This is my house. You're in my home. 710 00:39:12,983 --> 00:39:14,314 Oh, well... 711 00:39:16,220 --> 00:39:19,621 My fianc�, Pierre, and I are looking to buy a place 712 00:39:20,825 --> 00:39:23,487 when he gets back from the North Pole. 713 00:39:23,594 --> 00:39:27,030 Hey, Ally, can I go ahead and get that picture back from you? 714 00:39:28,566 --> 00:39:31,194 (LAUGHS) Oh, I'm sorry. Oops. 715 00:39:38,142 --> 00:39:39,609 (TOILET FLUSHING) 716 00:39:46,650 --> 00:39:48,618 That was Disgusting Donald. 717 00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:49,811 He didn't look disgusting. 718 00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:52,684 He was disgusting when I dated him, okay? 719 00:39:56,861 --> 00:39:58,488 Oh, my God, there's Simon. 720 00:39:58,596 --> 00:40:01,656 He looks good for a guy going through a divorce. 721 00:40:09,707 --> 00:40:10,901 (WITH ENGLISH ACCENT) Before you take my order, 722 00:40:11,008 --> 00:40:15,377 I do feel compelled to explain why a single, straight man 723 00:40:15,479 --> 00:40:17,811 is having high tea by himself on Beacon Hill. 724 00:40:17,915 --> 00:40:19,678 Well, 725 00:40:19,784 --> 00:40:23,618 I'm just so homesick that I'd kill for anything English. 726 00:40:31,295 --> 00:40:33,058 Okay, so go. I can take it from here. 727 00:40:33,164 --> 00:40:34,563 - Don't shove me. - Get out of here. 728 00:40:34,665 --> 00:40:36,030 Don't shove me. 729 00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:38,500 - Get out of here! - Hey! I said don't shove me! 730 00:40:39,003 --> 00:40:40,436 Ally Darling? 731 00:40:41,572 --> 00:40:42,937 Is that you? 732 00:40:45,309 --> 00:40:47,436 (WITH ENGLISH ACCENT) Simon, I can't believe it. 733 00:40:48,379 --> 00:40:50,176 What are the chances? 734 00:40:52,049 --> 00:40:53,414 It's brilliant to see you. 735 00:40:53,517 --> 00:40:55,644 It is brilliant. 736 00:40:55,753 --> 00:41:00,588 Simon, this is my neighbor, Colin. But he has to go now. 737 00:41:00,691 --> 00:41:02,158 No, I don't. 738 00:41:02,259 --> 00:41:04,318 - Pleasure. - No, no, the pleasure's all mine. 739 00:41:05,329 --> 00:41:06,523 Wow. 740 00:41:07,164 --> 00:41:09,098 Wow. It's great to see... 741 00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:10,861 Did you look this good when we were dating? 742 00:41:11,235 --> 00:41:14,204 Oh, well, I had a fringe back then. 743 00:41:14,872 --> 00:41:17,306 That's bangs. "Fringe" is "bangs." 744 00:41:18,075 --> 00:41:20,805 - Americans. - Listen, they're showing my house, 745 00:41:20,911 --> 00:41:22,378 so I've got to disappear for an hour or so, 746 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:23,845 but do you fancy grabbing a pint? 747 00:41:25,249 --> 00:41:26,580 Smashing. 748 00:41:27,151 --> 00:41:28,641 Cheerio, Colin. 749 00:41:29,153 --> 00:41:31,314 How are you fancying driving on the right? 750 00:41:32,256 --> 00:41:34,224 Cross Simon off the list. 751 00:41:34,892 --> 00:41:36,189 What happened? 752 00:41:36,293 --> 00:41:39,319 (SIGHS) My British accent was a little rusty, and halfway through darts 753 00:41:39,430 --> 00:41:41,330 I started sounding like Eliza Doolittle. 754 00:41:43,868 --> 00:41:46,166 Don't take your eye off the board. 755 00:41:47,471 --> 00:41:51,373 No. Straight. Just... Higher. Better. 756 00:41:53,777 --> 00:41:57,406 (WITH COCKNEY ACCENT) Bloody 'ell! I'm rubbish at this. 757 00:42:02,419 --> 00:42:05,081 You were saying you got sacked. 758 00:42:05,189 --> 00:42:08,955 Yep. Losing me job wasn't the end of the world. 759 00:42:09,059 --> 00:42:11,357 Still got me mates and a roof over me 'ead. 760 00:42:11,462 --> 00:42:14,954 I don't need much, just a room somewhere, 761 00:42:15,065 --> 00:42:19,434 far away from the cold night air. 762 00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:24,230 And then when I tried to pull out of it, 763 00:42:24,341 --> 00:42:27,469 for some reason I panicked and went full Borat. 764 00:42:27,845 --> 00:42:31,508 (WITH STRANGE ACCENT) So, I order another round? 765 00:42:33,484 --> 00:42:36,715 No. No, I think we better call it a night. 766 00:42:37,254 --> 00:42:41,918 Oh, no! I talk whole time. I know nothing about you. 767 00:42:45,229 --> 00:42:49,256 (WITH SCANDINAVIAN ACCENT) So, what's next for Svorgon? 768 00:42:54,204 --> 00:42:55,228 Svorgon? 769 00:42:55,339 --> 00:42:58,172 I turned into the Swedish Chef from The Muppets. 770 00:42:58,275 --> 00:42:59,401 He was my favorite. 771 00:42:59,510 --> 00:43:02,673 (SIGHS) Okay. Who else we got? 772 00:43:06,417 --> 00:43:07,941 I thought we weren't allowed up here. 773 00:43:08,419 --> 00:43:09,613 Didn't you get that memo? 774 00:43:09,720 --> 00:43:11,017 I wrote that memo. 775 00:43:11,388 --> 00:43:14,152 It was getting kind of crowded, and my band and I practice up here. 776 00:43:14,258 --> 00:43:16,226 Where does your band play? 777 00:43:16,327 --> 00:43:18,659 Here, for now. 778 00:43:18,762 --> 00:43:21,595 My mom's friend is looking for a band for her son's bar mitzvah. 779 00:43:21,699 --> 00:43:24,497 No, thank you. We're not that kind of band. 780 00:43:24,602 --> 00:43:25,933 The kind that makes money? 781 00:43:26,403 --> 00:43:27,961 Let's drop it. 782 00:43:28,072 --> 00:43:30,040 We got 10 possibilities left. 783 00:43:30,507 --> 00:43:34,170 Jay from Club Med Turkoise. I'm trying, but I need more info. 784 00:43:34,278 --> 00:43:36,473 I'm sorry, it was spring break. 785 00:43:36,580 --> 00:43:40,243 Jay may not even be his real name. I'm certainly not Kelli with an "I." 786 00:43:40,918 --> 00:43:42,647 Barrett Ingold, lives in Miami. 787 00:43:42,753 --> 00:43:46,086 I know it's not geographically desirable, but he is a doctor now. 788 00:43:46,190 --> 00:43:48,021 Don't care. I hate Miami. 789 00:43:48,125 --> 00:43:49,490 I think too much sun makes people stupid. 790 00:43:50,986 --> 00:43:52,783 Okay. How do you feel about Denver? 791 00:43:52,888 --> 00:43:56,449 I found the mountain man, and that guy has got a caboose worth relocating for. 792 00:43:56,558 --> 00:43:59,254 Pass! He always wanted to breathe fresh air. 793 00:43:59,361 --> 00:44:01,659 Do you know how exhausting it was to pretend to enjoy the outdoors 794 00:44:01,763 --> 00:44:02,957 with that kind of enthusiasm? 795 00:44:03,064 --> 00:44:04,998 More exhausting than pretending to be British? 796 00:44:05,133 --> 00:44:07,795 I never had to wipe myself with a leaf when I was pretending to be British. 797 00:44:07,903 --> 00:44:11,839 Touch�. What about Gerry Perry? He's a puppeteer, so he's single. 798 00:44:12,073 --> 00:44:13,097 (GRUNTS) 799 00:44:13,208 --> 00:44:15,142 I don't want to go out with Gerry Perry. 800 00:44:15,243 --> 00:44:16,938 Where's Jake Adams? 801 00:44:17,412 --> 00:44:20,074 - In Noyaradougou. - What? Where the hell's that? 802 00:44:20,549 --> 00:44:21,777 Africa. 803 00:44:21,883 --> 00:44:23,851 He runs his family's philanthropic foundation 804 00:44:23,952 --> 00:44:27,388 and he's overseeing the construction of a school there. 805 00:44:30,492 --> 00:44:31,550 Is he ever coming back? 806 00:44:32,561 --> 00:44:35,587 Eventually. In the meantime, I've got Gerry Perry. 807 00:44:35,697 --> 00:44:36,823 (GROANING) No! 808 00:44:36,932 --> 00:44:38,160 (COLIN LAUGHING) 809 00:44:38,767 --> 00:44:41,930 All right, so the puppet show starts at 2:00, and I'll meet you at the park. 810 00:44:42,037 --> 00:44:43,629 (SIGHING) Okay. 811 00:44:43,738 --> 00:44:45,865 - Hey, Colin. - Yeah? 812 00:44:45,974 --> 00:44:48,841 Thank you for all your hard work, by the way. 813 00:44:48,944 --> 00:44:51,003 I really appreciate it. 814 00:44:51,112 --> 00:44:52,238 You do? 815 00:44:52,347 --> 00:44:54,406 Because sometimes, it's hard to tell. 816 00:44:55,083 --> 00:44:56,380 Really? 817 00:44:57,252 --> 00:44:58,310 Oh... 818 00:44:58,587 --> 00:44:59,884 (CHUCKLES) 819 00:45:06,528 --> 00:45:07,961 What are you doing? 820 00:45:08,096 --> 00:45:10,587 Trying to end the night with a bang. 821 00:45:10,732 --> 00:45:12,097 (ALLY SIGHS) 822 00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:15,533 You really can't hang out with a girl without sleeping with her, can you? 823 00:45:16,738 --> 00:45:19,502 Well, I can, it's just not that much fun. 824 00:45:23,945 --> 00:45:25,776 (WHISPERING) You're not on my list. 825 00:45:29,484 --> 00:45:32,112 You could just cross off the dead guy, 826 00:45:32,220 --> 00:45:34,484 put my name on there. 827 00:45:35,557 --> 00:45:37,047 (CHILDREN LAUGHING) 828 00:45:39,694 --> 00:45:41,252 GERRY AS PUPPET: Who did the poop? 829 00:45:41,696 --> 00:45:43,129 ALL: You did the poop! 830 00:45:43,231 --> 00:45:44,528 - Hey. - Hey. 831 00:45:46,201 --> 00:45:48,294 - Whose kid is this? - He's my nephew. 832 00:45:48,770 --> 00:45:52,228 If I'd shown up to the puppet show without a child, it might be creepy. 833 00:45:52,340 --> 00:45:53,568 Great. Huh. 834 00:45:53,675 --> 00:45:56,041 - Can you say hi, Justin? - Arr! 835 00:45:56,144 --> 00:45:57,509 He's a pirate. 836 00:45:57,612 --> 00:45:59,739 GERRY AS PUPPET: What are you talking about? 837 00:46:04,953 --> 00:46:07,183 - All right, you're up. - Great. 838 00:46:07,956 --> 00:46:09,048 Come on. 839 00:46:11,359 --> 00:46:14,487 - Thanks, Gerry. - You're welcome. (CHUCKLES) 840 00:46:26,808 --> 00:46:28,776 Daisy home? 841 00:46:30,845 --> 00:46:32,073 No. 842 00:46:38,086 --> 00:46:39,383 (GRUNTING) 843 00:46:57,739 --> 00:47:00,207 So, when do you think Daisy will be home? 844 00:47:06,147 --> 00:47:07,808 - Gerry? - Ally? 845 00:47:07,949 --> 00:47:10,474 - Oh, my God, what are you doing here? - Hi. Oh, 846 00:47:10,585 --> 00:47:14,316 you know, I'm just babysitting for a friend. 847 00:47:14,456 --> 00:47:16,754 Ah, cool. So, you saw the magical show. 848 00:47:16,858 --> 00:47:19,793 Yeah! Wow, the kids, they just love it. 849 00:47:19,894 --> 00:47:21,794 That's just because I say "poop" a lot. 850 00:47:21,930 --> 00:47:23,420 (ALL LAUGHING) 851 00:47:23,531 --> 00:47:24,555 Hey, so, 852 00:47:24,666 --> 00:47:26,531 (IMITATING FANFARE) 853 00:47:26,634 --> 00:47:27,931 Recognize this bad boy? 854 00:47:28,036 --> 00:47:29,663 Hey there, Smart Alec. 855 00:47:29,771 --> 00:47:30,965 Hi. 856 00:47:34,009 --> 00:47:36,307 So, how are you? 857 00:47:36,444 --> 00:47:38,344 Quit being a pussy, and ask her about Daisy. 858 00:47:38,446 --> 00:47:40,880 What? Come on, man, don't be rude. 859 00:47:41,416 --> 00:47:44,214 You are rude. Sorry about that. 860 00:47:44,786 --> 00:47:47,880 That's okay. I'm great. 861 00:47:47,989 --> 00:47:50,355 Great, great. Well, you look great. 862 00:47:50,959 --> 00:47:53,052 Not as great as Daisy. 863 00:47:53,461 --> 00:47:54,826 Ignore him. 864 00:47:54,996 --> 00:47:56,156 (GRUNTS) 865 00:47:56,798 --> 00:47:58,527 Hey, but seriously, 866 00:47:58,633 --> 00:48:01,397 maybe we should exchange numbers, you know, and catch up. 867 00:48:02,437 --> 00:48:04,632 You know what? I think I'm all caught up. 868 00:48:04,939 --> 00:48:06,167 Cool! 869 00:48:06,274 --> 00:48:08,742 But it was really great running into you. 870 00:48:08,843 --> 00:48:10,276 Great running into you. 871 00:48:10,678 --> 00:48:12,976 - (AS PUPPET) No, it wasn't. - GERRY: Big mouth. 872 00:48:13,748 --> 00:48:15,739 Okay, I'll see you around. 873 00:48:19,954 --> 00:48:22,286 - Hey, Daisy. - Hey. 874 00:48:27,295 --> 00:48:28,853 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 875 00:48:35,770 --> 00:48:37,135 Daisy... 876 00:48:43,344 --> 00:48:46,211 I can't believe I slept with that guy. 877 00:48:46,314 --> 00:48:49,806 - Where's Justin? - This is Justin. 878 00:48:49,918 --> 00:48:51,385 That's not Justin. 879 00:48:52,787 --> 00:48:53,845 What's the matter with you? 880 00:48:53,955 --> 00:48:55,684 Didn't your mom teach you to not walk off with strangers? 881 00:48:55,790 --> 00:48:57,052 What's the matter with you? 882 00:48:57,158 --> 00:48:59,353 You didn't realize you had a completely different human being? 883 00:48:59,461 --> 00:49:00,758 Justin! 884 00:49:01,129 --> 00:49:04,064 Okay. What does your mommy look like? 885 00:49:04,365 --> 00:49:05,389 Like you. 886 00:49:05,500 --> 00:49:07,730 Lucas! Get back here! 887 00:49:10,738 --> 00:49:11,932 Wait. Wait. 888 00:49:13,942 --> 00:49:17,036 Do you really think I look like your mommy? Huh? 889 00:49:17,912 --> 00:49:19,174 Answer me! 890 00:49:19,814 --> 00:49:21,509 Answer me, Lucas! 891 00:49:22,417 --> 00:49:23,907 Lucas! 892 00:49:27,255 --> 00:49:29,348 No disappearing acts, buddy. 893 00:49:30,325 --> 00:49:34,762 Okay, I am not buying you any more food until you find Jake Adams. 894 00:49:34,896 --> 00:49:36,761 If he was so perfect, why didn't it work out in the first place? 895 00:49:38,867 --> 00:49:41,358 Well, we made this pact that we would lose our virginity to each other, 896 00:49:41,469 --> 00:49:44,404 but Jake went abroad junior year, and while he was gone, 897 00:49:44,506 --> 00:49:46,064 I broke the pact. 898 00:49:46,174 --> 00:49:47,402 With who? 899 00:49:47,509 --> 00:49:50,000 Which one of the 20 could have possibly been better than Jake Adams? 900 00:49:50,111 --> 00:49:51,874 And why aren't we looking for him? 901 00:49:51,980 --> 00:49:53,777 You already found him. 902 00:49:53,882 --> 00:49:55,247 Gerry Perry? 903 00:49:55,350 --> 00:49:57,750 You lost your virginity to the puppeteer? 904 00:49:57,852 --> 00:49:58,910 (LAUGHING) 905 00:49:59,020 --> 00:50:02,922 I know. I felt bad for him. 906 00:50:03,024 --> 00:50:06,551 Oh, Ally, I underestimated you. That's amazing. 907 00:50:06,661 --> 00:50:09,824 That's... That's my new favorite thing about you. 908 00:50:11,032 --> 00:50:12,932 Hi. Thank you. 909 00:50:14,969 --> 00:50:15,958 - Hey. - Hi. 910 00:50:16,070 --> 00:50:19,164 - Is Eddie coming? - No. Mom. Don't go. 911 00:50:20,175 --> 00:50:21,164 (SIGHS) 912 00:50:21,276 --> 00:50:23,141 I can't have lunch with Mom. I didn't wash my hair. 913 00:50:23,244 --> 00:50:24,802 You can't even tell. It looks great. 914 00:50:25,113 --> 00:50:26,307 You haven't told Mom Dad's coming to the wedding, have you? 915 00:50:28,100 --> 00:50:29,692 - No. - And that's why I'm here. 916 00:50:29,934 --> 00:50:32,562 - Yes. - And my hair doesn't look that great? 917 00:50:32,670 --> 00:50:34,934 No. I can't tell her alone. 918 00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:38,206 Fine. Pass the butter. 919 00:50:38,843 --> 00:50:40,572 - (HUMMING THE WEDDING MARCH) - Hi, Mummy. 920 00:50:41,946 --> 00:50:42,970 Hi, Mom. 921 00:50:43,081 --> 00:50:46,380 Kitty. Oh, my. 922 00:50:46,484 --> 00:50:48,111 So, the caterer called. 923 00:50:48,853 --> 00:50:53,051 Um, how strict a vegetarian is your boyfriend Rick, honey? 924 00:50:53,157 --> 00:50:55,955 Would he be willing to eat just a little chicken for one night? 925 00:50:56,261 --> 00:50:57,853 No, Rick's not coming. They broke up. 926 00:50:57,962 --> 00:51:00,226 - Daisy! - What? Not again. 927 00:51:00,632 --> 00:51:02,156 - Dad's coming to the wedding. - What? 928 00:51:02,267 --> 00:51:03,632 Ally! 929 00:51:05,403 --> 00:51:06,893 How could you do this to me? 930 00:51:07,972 --> 00:51:10,600 I'm not doing anything to you, Mom. 931 00:51:10,708 --> 00:51:14,041 Except making it impossible for me to come. 932 00:51:14,145 --> 00:51:15,373 You're not gonna come to my wedding? 933 00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:19,075 Not if your father's coming, I'm not. 934 00:51:19,217 --> 00:51:21,082 Maybe he can be Allison's date. Hmm? 935 00:51:21,819 --> 00:51:24,811 I'm sure you will just have a lovely, lovely time. 936 00:51:25,323 --> 00:51:27,223 - Bye, Mom. Bye. - Bye, Mom. 937 00:51:28,159 --> 00:51:31,026 - You have to fix this. - I'll talk to her when I get back. 938 00:51:31,129 --> 00:51:34,064 - Where are you going? - Miami, for a Pap smear. 939 00:51:34,165 --> 00:51:36,565 - Why? - Do you remember Barrett Ingold? 940 00:51:36,668 --> 00:51:38,158 The guy who threw up in our dishwasher? 941 00:51:38,269 --> 00:51:39,964 Yeah. He's a gynecologist now. 942 00:51:40,071 --> 00:51:41,436 But you hate Miami. 943 00:51:41,539 --> 00:51:43,734 I know. But I'm not having as much luck as I'd hoped locally 944 00:51:43,841 --> 00:51:46,309 and I'm running out of time, money, and viable eggs. 945 00:51:46,444 --> 00:51:49,140 So, you're telling me that tracking down your ex-boyfriends 946 00:51:49,247 --> 00:51:52,341 is more important than helping me plan my wedding? 947 00:51:52,450 --> 00:51:54,748 I know it sounds stupid to you, but it is important. 948 00:51:54,852 --> 00:51:57,787 I feel like everyone else is moving on with their lives but me. 949 00:51:57,922 --> 00:52:00,982 Ally, I'm all for moving on, I really am, 950 00:52:01,092 --> 00:52:04,926 but it just feels like this quest you're on is a little nuts. 951 00:52:05,029 --> 00:52:07,862 (SIGHS) You know what? If you hadn't given your ex-boyfriend a second chance, 952 00:52:07,966 --> 00:52:09,593 you wouldn't even be having a wedding. 953 00:52:09,701 --> 00:52:13,364 Besides, I need a Pap smear and he takes my insurance. 954 00:52:13,471 --> 00:52:14,961 I'm late for my spray tan. 955 00:52:33,591 --> 00:52:35,081 Hello, Allison. 956 00:52:37,028 --> 00:52:39,223 Barrett? 957 00:52:39,330 --> 00:52:42,356 Oh, my God, is that you? 958 00:52:43,935 --> 00:52:45,266 Hi. 959 00:52:46,237 --> 00:52:49,229 It's Ally. Ally Darling. 960 00:52:49,340 --> 00:52:51,740 Oh. Yeah, from spinning. 961 00:52:52,410 --> 00:52:53,536 No. 962 00:52:53,644 --> 00:52:55,168 From... Oh, Greg's birthday party. 963 00:52:55,913 --> 00:52:58,040 We went to college together. 964 00:53:00,018 --> 00:53:01,383 - We dated. - Oh. 965 00:53:03,154 --> 00:53:04,314 How about that? 966 00:53:04,422 --> 00:53:06,720 Well, that was a long time ago. 967 00:53:06,824 --> 00:53:10,260 So, let's see how things are going now. Can you scooch? 968 00:53:11,195 --> 00:53:12,355 Very good. 969 00:53:12,463 --> 00:53:13,589 (HUMMING) 970 00:53:21,572 --> 00:53:24,268 Ally! Of course. 971 00:53:27,712 --> 00:53:30,476 He recognized my vagina! 972 00:53:30,615 --> 00:53:34,608 What's going on down there? I got to say, I'm a little freaked out. 973 00:53:34,719 --> 00:53:36,311 Well, I'd be happy to take a look for you. 974 00:53:36,421 --> 00:53:38,787 (GROANS) I used all my miles for that! 975 00:53:38,890 --> 00:53:40,983 Cross Barrett off the list! 976 00:53:41,092 --> 00:53:43,117 You know what? Cross the list off the list! 977 00:53:43,227 --> 00:53:44,387 What am I doing? 978 00:53:44,495 --> 00:53:49,228 Unemployed, spending every last dime trying to track down these assholes 979 00:53:49,333 --> 00:53:51,801 who already broke up with me once. 980 00:53:51,903 --> 00:53:54,337 Maybe I should just quit. 981 00:53:54,439 --> 00:53:57,465 Well, that's too bad, 'cause I found Tom Piper. 982 00:53:58,276 --> 00:53:59,641 Keep talking. 983 00:53:59,744 --> 00:54:01,143 He's in D.C., like you said. 984 00:54:01,279 --> 00:54:02,439 He's working as an aide for Senator Mitchell. 985 00:54:07,652 --> 00:54:08,914 I don't have anything a politician's wife would wear. 986 00:54:09,053 --> 00:54:10,111 Ooh! 987 00:54:10,221 --> 00:54:12,917 I do have a store credit for Ann Taylor. Ha! 988 00:54:14,092 --> 00:54:15,559 - (CELL PHONE CHIMES) - Hi. 989 00:54:15,660 --> 00:54:17,321 DAISY: I'm on your street and I have to poo. 990 00:54:17,428 --> 00:54:20,591 Okay, let yourself in, I'll be home in 10 minutes. 991 00:54:22,967 --> 00:54:24,400 Hi. 992 00:54:26,070 --> 00:54:27,196 Hey. 993 00:54:27,305 --> 00:54:28,567 Oh, Jesus. 994 00:54:28,673 --> 00:54:30,470 Tell me you're not naked on my couch next to my sister. 995 00:54:31,776 --> 00:54:34,472 Thankfully, he doesn't like to play without his underwear. 996 00:54:34,579 --> 00:54:36,774 The guitar gets cold against his penis. 997 00:54:36,881 --> 00:54:39,543 So, you two have met. 998 00:54:39,951 --> 00:54:42,283 Hey, remember Tom Piper? 999 00:54:42,386 --> 00:54:45,378 Colin found him in D.C., so I'm going there tomorrow, 1000 00:54:46,457 --> 00:54:48,118 wearing this! 1001 00:54:48,226 --> 00:54:49,625 I'm so excited. 1002 00:54:49,727 --> 00:54:51,354 Then why would you wear a pantsuit? 1003 00:54:51,462 --> 00:54:53,692 Don't you have your interview at Sheffield and Bloom tomorrow? 1004 00:54:53,798 --> 00:54:55,663 That's the beauty of a pantsuit, you know. 1005 00:54:55,800 --> 00:54:57,961 It works for both a super-boring interview 1006 00:54:58,069 --> 00:55:01,835 and for an accidental, on-purpose encounter with my future husband. 1007 00:55:01,939 --> 00:55:04,601 Hey, did you ever try and sell those freaky little sculptures you make? 1008 00:55:04,709 --> 00:55:07,940 - No, she needs a real job. - Oh, yeah, those are just a hobby. 1009 00:55:08,045 --> 00:55:09,137 COLIN: I think they're amazing. 1010 00:55:09,247 --> 00:55:11,181 You should try. Not everyone can do that, you know. 1011 00:55:12,483 --> 00:55:13,950 Excuse me, would you mind giving me and Ally 1012 00:55:14,051 --> 00:55:15,018 a little bit of privacy, please? 1013 00:55:16,669 --> 00:55:18,933 - She has to poo. - Ally! 1014 00:55:20,005 --> 00:55:22,030 Hey, hasn't your lady friend left yet? 1015 00:55:22,174 --> 00:55:24,574 No, I guess this one's a late sleeper. 1016 00:55:24,677 --> 00:55:25,666 Wait. Are you... 1017 00:55:25,778 --> 00:55:29,270 Is he hiding out here because there's a woman in his apartment? 1018 00:55:29,381 --> 00:55:30,848 He is. 1019 00:55:30,950 --> 00:55:33,350 That's it. I'm going to Anthony's Bakery. Excuse me. 1020 00:55:33,452 --> 00:55:36,717 Do you want to grab me a cannoli? No? 1021 00:55:36,822 --> 00:55:37,811 (DOOR CLOSING) 1022 00:55:37,923 --> 00:55:40,687 Okay. Keys. 1023 00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:57,673 - Who the hell are you? - Andrea. 1024 00:55:58,878 --> 00:56:01,278 He didn't tell you he was engaged? 1025 00:56:01,380 --> 00:56:04,213 No. I am so sorry. 1026 00:56:04,316 --> 00:56:07,513 When I told him I was engaged, he didn't say anything. 1027 00:56:08,454 --> 00:56:09,921 (SOBBING) 1028 00:56:10,389 --> 00:56:11,617 (MOUTHING) 1029 00:56:13,058 --> 00:56:14,923 Why? 1030 00:56:15,027 --> 00:56:16,790 Tits! 1031 00:56:16,996 --> 00:56:19,487 Oh. Oh. 1032 00:56:20,633 --> 00:56:23,966 Oh. Why? Why? 1033 00:56:25,938 --> 00:56:27,166 (DOOR CLOSING) 1034 00:56:33,612 --> 00:56:36,274 Hey, wouldn't it be easier 1035 00:56:36,382 --> 00:56:38,543 if you just spent the night at their apartments 1036 00:56:38,651 --> 00:56:41,017 and left in the morning, like a normal guy? 1037 00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:42,849 No. 1038 00:56:42,955 --> 00:56:44,388 I once stayed in a relationship with a girl 1039 00:56:44,490 --> 00:56:46,890 because of a picture she had on her bedside table. 1040 00:56:46,992 --> 00:56:50,450 It was her dressed as Cinderella on her fifth birthday. 1041 00:56:52,164 --> 00:56:53,222 Grab that. 1042 00:56:53,599 --> 00:56:54,896 So? 1043 00:56:55,668 --> 00:56:59,832 So, every time I tried to split with her, I'd picture that little girl in the blue dress. 1044 00:56:59,939 --> 00:57:03,602 Happy. Excited about Monty, her new gerbil, 1045 00:57:03,709 --> 00:57:07,042 who she would later kill by accidentally putting him in the dryer. 1046 00:57:11,016 --> 00:57:12,142 (SIGHS) 1047 00:57:12,918 --> 00:57:15,386 Just couldn't break that little girl's heart. 1048 00:57:19,525 --> 00:57:22,323 So you're saying it's easier to sleep with girls and never call them again 1049 00:57:22,428 --> 00:57:25,022 if you don't know anything about them? 1050 00:57:26,932 --> 00:57:28,559 Kind of like a serial killer. 1051 00:57:30,836 --> 00:57:32,428 Yeah, I guess so. 1052 00:57:32,938 --> 00:57:34,030 Hmm. 1053 00:57:34,873 --> 00:57:36,465 COLIN ON PHONE: Hey, so I talked to Piper's assistant. 1054 00:57:36,575 --> 00:57:39,567 He said he's gonna be doing research in the library of the Adams Building 1055 00:57:39,678 --> 00:57:40,975 for the rest of the day. 1056 00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:44,208 Oh, wait. Hold on. My leg fell asleep on the train. 1057 00:57:44,316 --> 00:57:46,944 Pins and needles. Pins and needles. 1058 00:57:47,052 --> 00:57:49,247 - Punch it. - Really? 1059 00:57:49,922 --> 00:57:51,446 (GRUNTING) 1060 00:57:51,557 --> 00:57:53,821 I'm punching. 1061 00:57:53,926 --> 00:57:57,157 What? Your leg's never fallen asleep before? 1062 00:57:57,496 --> 00:57:58,724 (TAP RUNNING) 1063 00:57:59,398 --> 00:58:00,422 What's that sound? 1064 00:58:01,166 --> 00:58:02,497 Nothing. 1065 00:58:02,601 --> 00:58:05,593 Hey, I didn't know you were such a big fan of Lionel Richie. 1066 00:58:05,704 --> 00:58:09,970 You know, looking at somebody's playlist is like reading their diary. 1067 00:58:12,144 --> 00:58:13,111 (CLICKS) 1068 00:58:15,814 --> 00:58:17,008 That's my bathtub. 1069 00:58:19,585 --> 00:58:20,677 (BOTH GRUNT) 1070 00:58:22,554 --> 00:58:23,612 Donald. 1071 00:58:24,023 --> 00:58:27,220 Ally... What are you doing here? 1072 00:58:28,927 --> 00:58:30,417 Visiting my fianc�. 1073 00:58:30,796 --> 00:58:31,785 (CLEARS THROAT) 1074 00:58:31,897 --> 00:58:35,355 - Your fianc� who was at the North Pole? - Yep. 1075 00:58:35,467 --> 00:58:37,958 He's back. Pierre is back. 1076 00:58:38,170 --> 00:58:40,866 Wow. Pierre just happens to be in Washington, D.C., 1077 00:58:40,973 --> 00:58:42,600 the same time that I have a conference? 1078 00:58:43,642 --> 00:58:46,577 Yep. He's meeting with the President. 1079 00:58:47,012 --> 00:58:49,572 - Oh. What a coincidence. - (LAUGHS) I know. 1080 00:58:49,682 --> 00:58:51,172 It's crazy, isn't it? 1081 00:58:52,051 --> 00:58:53,040 Yeah, it is. 1082 00:58:55,054 --> 00:58:58,455 That's exactly what it is. Okay. 1083 00:59:27,853 --> 00:59:29,081 Do you like freedom? 1084 00:59:29,188 --> 00:59:31,748 - Sign here for freedom. - Be on our mailing list for George Bush. 1085 00:59:31,890 --> 00:59:34,518 George W. Bush. Vote George Bush. 1086 00:59:34,660 --> 00:59:37,424 - Get on our mailing list. - Vote for freedom.