1
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:34,867
¶ I'm dreaming
2
00:00:34,869 --> 00:00:39,004
¶ Of a white Christmas
3
00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:44,209
¶ Just like the ones
I used to know
4
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:49,915
¶ Where those treetops glisten
5
00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:53,752
¶ And children listen
6
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¶ To hear
7
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:59,458
¶ Sleigh bells in the snow
8
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¶ The snow
9
00:01:01,128 --> 00:01:04,797
¶ But then I, I, I'm dreaming
10
00:01:04,799 --> 00:01:09,034
¶ Of a white Christmas
11
00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:14,339
¶ With every
Christmas card I write
12
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:19,445
¶ May your days May
your days May your days
13
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¶ Be merry and bright
14
00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:29,555
¶ And may all
your Christmases be white
15
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¶ I, I, I, I'm dreaming
16
00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:39,698
¶ Of a white Christmas
17
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:45,737
¶ Just like the ones
I used to know
18
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:50,709
¶ Where the treetops glisten
19
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:54,947
¶ And the children listen
20
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¶ To hear
21
00:01:57,051 --> 00:02:01,987
¶ Sleigh bells in the snow
22
00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:05,891
¶ I, I, I, I'm dreaming
23
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:11,263
¶ Of a white Christmas
24
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¶ With every
25
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¶ Christmas card I write.
26
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:21,140
May those days May your
days May your days
27
00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:24,610
¶ Be merry and bright
28
00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:27,880
¶ Ooh, ooh, ooh
29
00:02:27,882 --> 00:02:31,950
¶ And may all
30
00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:35,921
¶ Your Christmases be white ¶
31
00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:49,401
Felix, come back here!
32
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:53,639
You don't deserve to be
the father of my child!
33
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:58,110
Come back here
with that Santa Claus suit!
34
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,383
You jerk! You ruined our tree!
35
00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:05,951
That tree was
absolutely symmetrical!
36
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:09,154
It took us two hours to find it!
It was perfect!
37
00:03:09,156 --> 00:03:10,689
Nothing's perfect, you cretins!
38
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,457
Stop yelling. You're gonna
send her into labor.
39
00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:16,128
She's going into labor now! She is not!
She's only seven months pregnant!
40
00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:19,064
All right, stop it!
It's Christmas!
41
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:23,602
It was an accident. Show a little Christmas spirit.
You owe us 40 bucks!
42
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:26,371
Touch me and I'll sue you
for a million dollars!
43
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:30,742
I'm sure Santa will repay you.
It was 50 bucks, okay?
44
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:34,213
We can't even afford to have our baby.
Now look what you did!
45
00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:36,748
Mind your own business, Mister!
You drove him away!
46
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:40,385
This is my business. My
business is helping people.
47
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,853
Well, you know what?
48
00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:44,723
Merry Christmas!
49
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:16,555
You have reached
the office of Lifesavers.
50
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:17,322
All lines are busy.
51
00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:23,895
If you are truly on the verge of suicide and
calling from a touch-tone phone, press one.
52
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:25,130
If you are merely depressed,
53
00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:27,199
stay on the line. A friendly
voice will be with you shortly.
54
00:04:27,201 --> 00:04:31,737
What am I supposed to do? I
don't have a touch-tone phone.
55
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:35,507
Suppose I was on
the verge of suicide?
56
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,880
- Merry Christmas. Lifesavers.
- How may we help you?
57
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,582
I haven't slept for days.
58
00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:46,084
I'm terrified of
the Seaside Strangler.
59
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,286
I know he's going to get me.
60
00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:49,755
Do you fit the physical
description of his victims?
61
00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:53,025
Are you a very attractive
woman with long, dark hair?
62
00:04:53,027 --> 00:04:53,725
Not really.
63
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:55,894
Although, how long
do you think is "long"?
64
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:56,928
At least to your shoulders.
65
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:59,464
I can't stop worrying
about the planet.
66
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:03,468
And what is it about Janet
that is worrying you?
67
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,437
Not Janet, the planet.
68
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:08,373
Would you click your phone?
There's some static on the line.
69
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:13,378
You know, dear, just click
the little button like this.
70
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,580
Hmm!
71
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:20,052
We're not permitted to divulge the
personal details of our lives,
72
00:05:20,054 --> 00:05:23,221
but I can assure you
I know what you're feeling.
73
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:25,390
Do you live alone too?
74
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,059
I live with my mother.
That's all I can say.
75
00:05:27,061 --> 00:05:31,530
Catherine, you're not supposed
to tell them about yourself.
76
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:34,466
Oh, I could never live
with my mother.
77
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:37,102
That's something to remember.
78
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,537
No matter how bleak things are,
79
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,238
at least you don't live
with your mother.
80
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:46,445
Thank you for calling and don't hesitate
to call again. Merry Christmas.
81
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,014
May I click for you?
82
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,649
I don't think so,
Mrs. Munchnik.
83
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,784
That person wasn't suicidal,
only depressed.
84
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:55,520
But if he or she
had not spoken with you,
85
00:05:55,522 --> 00:06:00,092
he or she might have become
suicidal, mightn't they?
86
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:04,029
And where do you
suppose Philip is?
87
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,964
I'm sure he'll be here shortly.
88
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,432
Playing around, probably.
89
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:10,969
That's very unfair. Philip
is completely true to Susan.
90
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:14,406
Men are not true to anything.
They will have sex with a tree.
91
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:19,144
If you look out the window, you'll see him
pulling up on his bicycle at any moment.
92
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:21,847
I could be having Christmas
Eve dinner right now
93
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:23,782
with all of my dead
husband's relatives.
94
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:27,986
I am not someone
with no place to go.
95
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,589
I'm sure you're not.
96
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:36,094
Merry Christmas. Lifesavers.
How may I help you?
97
00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:00,952
Philip! Just the man
I'm looking for.
98
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,822
Merry Christmas. You're out.
99
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:04,423
You can't evict us.
100
00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:09,161
Lifesavers has saved over 1,400 lives this year.
Doesn't that mean anything?
101
00:07:09,163 --> 00:07:12,030
Plus, you are three months
behind in your rent.
102
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:13,198
We don't exactly
have a cash flow.
103
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,168
After you save someone's life,
you can't ask for money.
104
00:07:16,170 --> 00:07:19,471
Doctors can. Aren't you some
sort of doctor, Philip?
105
00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:19,938
No.
106
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:24,609
Tell me, in all of your calls,
has anybody impaled themselves?
107
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:25,744
No. Aw!
108
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:28,980
Stanley, how am I gonna tell the people
who work for me their jobs are over?
109
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,016
I don't know. Try "you're
fired." It works for me.
110
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:34,352
Does anyone ever drink glass?
We're broke.
111
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:35,687
The state has cut
back our funding.
112
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:39,891
No, they don't drink glass. Stanley, for
God sakes, what's the matter with you?
113
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,259
Oh, they must. They must what?
114
00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:45,130
They must drink glass.
They must.
115
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,498
January 2. Out!
116
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:47,899
You don't care,
Stanley Tannenbaum.
117
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,035
You're one of the people
who doesn't care.
118
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:54,105
Of course not.
I'm the landlord.
119
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:05,484
Oh, Philip, a tree.
120
00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:09,621
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
I'm so glad you could make it.
121
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:12,657
Are you all right? I'm fine!
122
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:13,259
Temper, temper.
123
00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:16,094
I'm sorry. It's just that everything
that could go wrong, has gone wrong.
124
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:19,965
Not everything, Philip. At
least we're not being evicted.
125
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,066
And why haven't we been?
126
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:23,068
Where are the call sheets?
Everyone else in the building
127
00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:26,238
has received a yellow eviction notice.
One hang up!
128
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:29,241
Dr. Gillespie has received
two yellow eviction notices.
129
00:08:29,243 --> 00:08:31,743
One woman worried
about the Strangler.
130
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:34,312
One man about to slit
his wrists...
131
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:38,450
Because his nonprofit business is being
destroyed by a capitalist maniac!
132
00:08:38,452 --> 00:08:41,386
If we do get evicted, I'm sure
Philip will think of something.
133
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:43,555
That's right. I'll
think of something.
134
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,023
When he was in the Peace Corps,
135
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,558
he built an entire
Peruvian village.
136
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:50,095
And solved all of their
soil erosion problems.
137
00:08:50,097 --> 00:08:54,266
You could see the bright
side of a plague.
138
00:08:54,268 --> 00:08:56,268
I'm on my way.
139
00:08:56,270 --> 00:08:58,970
Not without your present!
140
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,676
Merry Christmas, Mrs. Munchnik.
141
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:07,445
A fruitcake?
142
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:09,781
Yes.
143
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:14,386
Remarkably, like the one
I gave you last year.
144
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,357
Thank you so much, Philip.
145
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:20,892
Oh, let me help you.
146
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:23,528
(I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
147
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:26,231
¶ I'll be home.
148
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,399
Merry Christmas!
149
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:29,668
¶ For Christmas.
150
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:36,808
Say hello to your dead husband's sister for me.
Thank you, I will.
151
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:40,712
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
152
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:45,283
¶ Please have snow
153
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:49,788
¶ And mistletoe
154
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:56,294
¶ And presents on the tree ¶
155
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:18,783
Help!
156
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:23,355
Help! Philip! Catherine!
157
00:10:23,357 --> 00:10:26,625
It's Mrs. Munchnik!
158
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,429
Hello!
159
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:44,542
What are you doing with that?
160
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:46,511
It's my protection
against the Seaside Strangler.
161
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:50,615
Oh, give me that, honey. We
don't know anything about guns.
162
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:54,486
Oh, Felix, I could have
sold that Santa Claus suit
163
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:55,353
and bought our baby a car seat.
164
00:10:55,355 --> 00:11:01,393
We don't even have a car. What was I supposed to wear?
You cut up all my clothes.
165
00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:02,494
I was mad!
166
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:05,063
Honey, you were mad
the day we met.
167
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:10,802
A man on the boardwalk comes up to me
and says, "smile." A total stranger.
168
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:14,472
And you screamed at him,
"shut up!" remember?
169
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,274
I did, didn't I?
170
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:17,876
You were right to.
171
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:20,378
It was a total invasion
of your privacy.
172
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,313
It was.
173
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:25,083
Hey! Look what I got for you.
174
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:29,054
This means we can have the
baby in the hospital for free!
175
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:31,189
All we have to do is swear
we're completely broke
176
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:35,160
and have absolutely no way of
supporting ourselves and never will.
177
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:39,698
Oh, God! Felix, I don't want
to hurt your feelings, but...
178
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,801
You are the only person in my whole
life who's never hurt my feelings.
179
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:48,139
You're a loser. I can't have a loser
dropping in and out of my baby's life.
180
00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:50,608
I'm not a loser, I'm an artist.
181
00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:53,411
Why can't you paint on canvas
or paper like anyone else?
182
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:57,716
Because, I'm a wall artist!
But you don't have a wall!
183
00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:58,917
But someday I will have a wall.
184
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:03,521
Someday I'm gonna do my
masterpiece on a great big wall.
185
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:04,989
Right out there
on the boardwalk.
186
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:07,358
And you're gonna be in it and
the baby's gonna be in it.
187
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:11,262
And the sand and the sea and the
stars are gonna be shining!
188
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,631
Mmm, I want a businessman.
189
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,266
What are you talking about?
190
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:20,071
I'm talking about breaking up, Felix.
That's what I'm talking about.
191
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,974
Oh, come on, honey.
192
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:23,742
I'm leaving.
193
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:27,045
Where you going?
I'm going for a walk.
194
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:29,881
Gracie, honey, come on.
You're just stressed.
195
00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:33,017
And don't try
to follow me either!
196
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,423
Susan! It's Philip.
197
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:43,228
Uh, uh, let me just go somewhere
private where we can talk.
198
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,840
Tannenbaum's evicting us. The bastard!
I'm sorry, Philip.
199
00:12:55,842 --> 00:12:58,309
You're gonna have to get another job.
Susan,
200
00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:01,479
I've never asked you for money
before, but you're a loan officer.
201
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:04,482
And a small loan, say
$5,000, could save us.
202
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:07,252
I don't know what else to do. I
don't know how to tell Catherine.
203
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:10,255
She's sitting out there knitting something.
A potholder.
204
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:14,893
I hate to talk about money
at a time like this.
205
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:15,894
A time like what?
206
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,996
Oh, God, I don't know
how to say this.
207
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:23,101
This is really hard for me. My
psychiatrist thinks we should break up.
208
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:28,306
What? I didn't know you were
going to a psychiatrist.
209
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:34,512
I'm not actually going to one. I've
been dating one for four months.
210
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:35,547
This is so sudden.
211
00:13:35,549 --> 00:13:37,482
I didn't want to tell you
this over the phone.
212
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:43,054
I really wanted to fax you.
But you don't even have a fax.
213
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:46,157
Susan?
214
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,926
Susan?
215
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:57,202
It's so quiet suddenly.
216
00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:59,370
You'd expect everyone to be
thinking of jumping out of windows
217
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:03,474
or slitting their wrists on
Christmas Eve, wouldn't you?
218
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:09,247
Merry Christmas. Lifesavers.
How may we help you?
219
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:10,582
Hello? Hello?
220
00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:13,518
Hello? Static again.
221
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,521
Hello? Hello? Hello?
222
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:17,589
I can't hear you.
223
00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:19,257
Try clicking the little button.
224
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,959
I'm having a problem hearing.
225
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:24,529
Look, I'm at the end of my
rope, and I want to die.
226
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:27,532
Click it. Click it, please.
227
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:28,700
Go ahead.
228
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,074
Hmm. We were disconnected.
229
00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:40,411
If a person's really upset,
they always call back.
230
00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:49,120
It's working.
231
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:53,791
¶ Oh, what fun it is to ride
in one-horse open sleigh.
232
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:57,695
¶ Jingle bells, jingle bells
jingle all the way.
233
00:14:57,697 --> 00:15:01,499
¶ Oh, so much fun it is to
ride in one-horse open.
234
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:02,567
Help!
235
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,903
Help! Hey!
236
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:08,239
¶ I like eating cheese it
tastes very nice Help! Help!
237
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:11,075
I'm stuck up here! ¶ Everyone loves
cheese especially white mice.
238
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:16,247
Can't you hear me? Hey, Mr. Capshaw!
¶ Jingle, jangle, jing
239
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:19,584
I'm stuck up here!
240
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,552
Can't you hear me?
241
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:22,453
¶ Jingle, jangle, jang.
242
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:26,991
¶ I like to eat stew
it tastes very good ¶
243
00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:32,397
Wait!
244
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:36,134
Wait! I'm up here!
245
00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:37,870
Are you deaf?
246
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,643
We could have a charity ball.
247
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,646
Who would I take?
248
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:24,082
We could have a garage sale.
249
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,351
Susan has all my old records.
250
00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:28,686
Oh, geez!
251
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:33,324
A call! I'll get it!
252
00:16:41,034 --> 00:16:42,433
Line one.
253
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:47,038
Hello, this is Lifesavers.
Merry Christmas.
254
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:48,606
Am I disturbing you?
255
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:50,575
No, no, no, not at all.
256
00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,610
I'm very lonely tonight.
257
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:55,213
Is there any chance
I could stop by and talk?
258
00:16:55,215 --> 00:17:00,985
Well, it's not in the rules, but if you are
willing to make a donation, say, five grand.
259
00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:02,887
I'm kidding!
260
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:05,456
Everyone makes fun of me.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
261
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:08,326
Please, can't I come by?
I don't want to be alone.
262
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:12,663
No. No, no, no. We have
rules, but we're listening.
263
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:16,401
Everyone at Lifesavers
is with you.
264
00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:17,435
Talk to us.
265
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:20,538
I'm so alone. "So alone."
266
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,573
Is there anyone in your
family you can call?
267
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:23,541
No, they hate me.
268
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,277
Hate you. What about church?
269
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:28,946
Please, can't I stop by?
270
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:31,549
I'll only stay a minute.
I need to see someone.
271
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:35,653
Please, just give me
the address.
272
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:41,059
I cannot give out the address.
273
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:42,727
It's Christmas.
274
00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:54,439
It's 17 Pier Street! Thank you.
275
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:57,708
I'll be right over.
276
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:06,751
¶ On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me.
277
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:10,855
¶ A partridge in a pear tree.
278
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,957
¶ On the second day
of Christmas.
279
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:15,259
¶ My true love gave to me.
280
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,028
Hey, Arnold Schwarzenegger!
281
00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:19,063
Come on, hang some tinsel.
282
00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:22,400
Dad, I hate it
when you call me that.
283
00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:25,136
Arnold! Arnold! Arnold!
284
00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:32,343
Arnold! Arnold! Arnold!
Arnold! Arnold! Arnold!
285
00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:37,715
¶ On the third day of Christmas
My true love gave to me ¶
286
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:42,120
Testing. Testing.
One, two, three, four.
287
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:46,424
Help! Yoo-hoo!
288
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:51,062
Hey!
289
00:18:51,064 --> 00:18:54,398
Hey! Hey, hey!
290
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:59,403
Hey! Hey, hey!
291
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,672
Yoo-hoo!
292
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,474
Hey!
293
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:07,178
Hey!
294
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:10,548
¶ I'm stuck in the elevator.
295
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:13,751
Hey!
296
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:16,120
¶ I'm stuck in the
elevator get me please.
297
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,422
¶ Come to get me
on Christmas Eve.
298
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:20,625
¶ Mrs. Munchnik sitting
here with nothing.
299
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:23,027
¶ Hey, come to get me...
300
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:29,000
Oh! God. Whoa! Hey!
301
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:34,071
¶ Come... Now come to get
me stuck in this place.
302
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:38,009
¶ Get me soon
or hit me in my face ¶
303
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,147
I can't believe I did it.
304
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:46,384
I broke the rule.
I gave out our address.
305
00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:47,118
I hate it when they cry.
306
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:49,854
Especially when the cries have
those little hiccups at the end.
307
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,489
This is the worse day
of my life.
308
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:53,591
It's the Santa Anas.
Everyone's behaving strangely.
309
00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:58,329
What if he's a serial killer? What if I
gave our address to the Seaside Strangler?
310
00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:00,198
I don't think the Seaside
Strangler phones first,
311
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:05,403
although it could be one of those details
they leave out of the newspapers.
312
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:10,608
I'll handle this.
313
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:21,252
Hello, this is Lifesavers. Merry Christmas.
How may I help you?
314
00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:25,623
Hello. I'm calling you because
this is my last Christmas.
315
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:27,992
Your last Christmas. Continue.
316
00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:32,930
I have leukemia. I have
only two months to live.
317
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:36,867
Hello?
318
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:39,270
Leukemia. I'm so sorry, sir.
319
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:41,405
May I speak to a woman?
320
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,241
May I wish a woman
Merry Christmas?
321
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:47,845
Absolutely. And may I say
that I admire your courage.
322
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,948
All of us here do.
Here is my colleague.
323
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:54,685
Hello. Merry Christmas,
if it's all right to say that.
324
00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:56,821
What's your name? Catherine.
325
00:20:56,823 --> 00:21:01,192
I want to do it to you. I want
to stick it in you right now!
326
00:21:01,194 --> 00:21:04,462
Did he say, "stick it in"?
Oh, I'm reaming and ramming!
327
00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:06,697
Oh, you love it!
Stop it, right this minute!
328
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:09,033
We can't have that sort of thing!
I want you.
329
00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:10,868
Put the slut back on!
330
00:21:12,005 --> 00:21:17,708
Dog haters, that awful woman
is stuck in the elevator.
331
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:19,443
Stuck. I hope forever.
332
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:20,945
I'm stuck!
333
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,747
We're coming, Mrs. Munchnik!
334
00:21:22,749 --> 00:21:24,382
I hope it takes them
years to get you out.
335
00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:28,953
It'll serve you right for
reporting Daisy to the landlord.
336
00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,821
She practically gave me rabies!
337
00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:31,956
You don't "practically"
get rabies.
338
00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:36,360
You either get rabies or you don't get rabies.
There's no in between.
339
00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:37,895
I'll get that!
340
00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:41,065
What seems to be the problem?
I'm sure I don't know.
341
00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:45,736
I am a trained mechanic, and I
would happily fix any elevator
342
00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:48,706
that didn't have
a dog hater stuck in it!
343
00:21:48,708 --> 00:21:50,608
I'll check
the circuit breaker box.
344
00:21:50,610 --> 00:21:53,244
Well, who was that?
Another basket case?
345
00:21:53,246 --> 00:21:55,179
That was your dead
husband's sister.
346
00:21:55,181 --> 00:21:57,448
They're starting dinner without you.
Lucky them!
347
00:21:57,450 --> 00:22:01,419
- I'm calling the landlord.
- Don't think I don't know
348
00:22:01,421 --> 00:22:05,990
what's really going on
between you and those dogs!
349
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:08,959
Stanley, if you could just
come over, please. I can't.
350
00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:11,629
Please, Stanley? She can't spend
Christmas in an elevator.
351
00:22:11,631 --> 00:22:14,098
In a couple of hours. Thank you.
352
00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:16,434
Hello. Lifesavers.
353
00:22:16,436 --> 00:22:17,968
Catherine. Oh, hi, Gracie.
354
00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:21,172
Finally, you're off the phone.
Don't you ever stop yakking?
355
00:22:21,174 --> 00:22:24,308
We're supposed to talk on the phone.
That's why we're here.
356
00:22:24,310 --> 00:22:26,644
Yes. Right. Is something wrong?
357
00:22:26,646 --> 00:22:28,612
You've got to let me spend
the night at your place.
358
00:22:28,614 --> 00:22:31,749
Felix is acting
totally irrational.
359
00:22:31,751 --> 00:22:36,387
He ran off in my Santa suit,
which I could have sold today.
360
00:22:36,389 --> 00:22:37,021
What?
361
00:22:37,023 --> 00:22:41,325
It's not the fuse box. Of
course it's not the fuse box!
362
00:22:41,327 --> 00:22:43,094
It is a short inside.
363
00:22:43,096 --> 00:22:45,296
I saw an electrician
fix it last week.
364
00:22:45,298 --> 00:22:49,900
All you need is a screwdriver,
and I will tell you what to do.
365
00:22:49,902 --> 00:22:53,504
I think there's one
in the earthquake kit.
366
00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:54,071
Catherine!
367
00:22:54,073 --> 00:22:57,007
Hold on a second, Gracie!
What is it, Philip?
368
00:22:57,009 --> 00:22:59,643
Would you get the screwdriver
out of the earthquake kit? Oh.
369
00:22:59,645 --> 00:23:02,480
Wait, wait, wait! Do you really
think we ought to use it?
370
00:23:02,482 --> 00:23:06,217
Suppose we take it out and forget to put
it back and then the big one comes?
371
00:23:06,219 --> 00:23:09,520
There's a law that all
businesses, even nonprofit,
372
00:23:09,522 --> 00:23:13,591
have to have complete earthquake kits.
Get it!
373
00:23:13,593 --> 00:23:15,259
I'll get it!
374
00:23:15,261 --> 00:23:17,595
Come here first, and I'll
take you over to Mother's.
375
00:23:17,597 --> 00:23:19,530
She'll be terrified
if you ring the bell.
376
00:23:19,532 --> 00:23:22,099
Why? Is she gonna think
I'm the Seaside Strangler?
377
00:23:22,101 --> 00:23:27,104
She is a little nervous. Does she
fit the descriptions of the victims?
378
00:23:27,106 --> 00:23:28,539
Uh, not really. For me?
379
00:23:28,541 --> 00:23:30,007
Then why is she carrying on?
380
00:23:30,009 --> 00:23:31,442
Uh-oh. There he is. Gracie?
381
00:23:31,444 --> 00:23:33,944
I'm never speaking to him
again, even if he begs me.
382
00:23:33,946 --> 00:23:37,615
- Gracie? Gracie?
- Gracie! Yoo-hoo!
383
00:23:37,617 --> 00:23:39,083
Gracie!
384
00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:41,852
Honey, come on! Come home.
Come back to me.
385
00:23:41,854 --> 00:23:46,891
I'll get a regular job. You had a regular
job making pizza and you messed it up.
386
00:23:46,893 --> 00:23:51,429
The manager hated me. You
never showed up on time!
387
00:23:51,431 --> 00:23:52,129
I'm a wall artist!
388
00:23:52,131 --> 00:23:55,800
You're a wall artist with no
wall, which makes you a nothing!
389
00:23:55,802 --> 00:23:57,902
Yeah, you tell him, lady.
You ruined our tree.
390
00:23:57,904 --> 00:24:02,072
Shut up! You're both
materialistic idiots!
391
00:24:02,074 --> 00:24:05,075
Yeah! Hey!
392
00:24:05,077 --> 00:24:06,811
Hold on.
393
00:24:25,331 --> 00:24:27,364
It's pajamas. Ah.
394
00:24:27,366 --> 00:24:29,033
I knitted them.
395
00:24:29,035 --> 00:24:33,037
Thank you. Everyone's always giving
the bride things to wear to bed,
396
00:24:33,039 --> 00:24:36,707
but no one ever gives
the groom anything.
397
00:24:37,043 --> 00:24:39,710
The thing is, I'm never
getting married.
398
00:24:39,712 --> 00:24:42,112
Of course you are. You're
getting married in four months.
399
00:24:42,114 --> 00:24:46,150
Be patient. Everything
comes to him who waits.
400
00:24:46,219 --> 00:24:47,284
I don't really believe that.
401
00:24:47,286 --> 00:24:51,088
I've been saying things like that for
so long, they just pop out of my mouth.
402
00:24:51,090 --> 00:24:54,425
But the truth is nothing
comes to him who waits.
403
00:25:00,967 --> 00:25:02,066
Merry Christmas. Lifesavers.
404
00:25:02,068 --> 00:25:05,102
Hello. I'm so upset.
I'm listening.
405
00:25:05,104 --> 00:25:09,106
I was in the supermarket and
everyone was buying big turkeys,
406
00:25:09,108 --> 00:25:15,079
and I was standing in the ten-items-and-under
line with a boneless chicken breast.
407
00:25:15,081 --> 00:25:15,880
I know.
408
00:25:15,882 --> 00:25:17,948
I suddenly realized
I was going to be
409
00:25:17,950 --> 00:25:22,052
in the ten-items-and-under
line the rest of my life.
410
00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:26,790
I know.
411
00:25:26,792 --> 00:25:30,160
Are you all right?
412
00:25:32,765 --> 00:25:35,666
Catherine, what's wrong?
413
00:25:37,336 --> 00:25:38,602
Let me handle this.
414
00:25:41,908 --> 00:25:43,507
May I help you?
Is she all right?
415
00:25:43,509 --> 00:25:45,976
She'll be all right.
She's just so sympathetic.
416
00:25:45,978 --> 00:25:48,178
May I put you on hold
while I run to my desk?
417
00:25:48,180 --> 00:25:50,781
You're not calling from
a bridge or holding a weapon?
418
00:25:50,783 --> 00:25:52,850
No. Good.
419
00:25:56,188 --> 00:26:01,892
¶ Have yourself
a merry little Christmas.
420
00:26:01,894 --> 00:26:04,161
Catherine O'Shaughnessy,
get a grip on yourself.
421
00:26:04,163 --> 00:26:07,197
Okay, so the only present
you got is from your mother.
422
00:26:07,199 --> 00:26:12,269
So? You have nothing to do on New Year's
Eve for the tenth consecutive year.
423
00:26:12,271 --> 00:26:16,574
You're a very lucky person.
You have a wonderful job.
424
00:26:16,576 --> 00:26:21,312
You have a wonderful job.
So there. So there!
425
00:26:21,314 --> 00:26:25,983
¶ Have yourself
a merry little Christmas
426
00:26:25,985 --> 00:26:28,719
¶ Now ¶
427
00:26:28,721 --> 00:26:34,024
Well, just remember that in
every pothole there is hope.
428
00:26:34,026 --> 00:26:38,228
Well, you see, pothole
is spelled p-o-t-h-o-l-e.
429
00:26:38,230 --> 00:26:43,000
So if you take the "p" and add it
to the "h," the "o" and the "e"...
430
00:26:43,002 --> 00:26:45,235
And rearrange the letters,
or contrariwise,
431
00:26:45,237 --> 00:26:50,975
remove the "o", "t" and
"I," you get "hope."
432
00:26:51,143 --> 00:26:52,076
So, just remember,
433
00:26:52,078 --> 00:26:54,011
"In every pothole
there is hope."
434
00:26:54,013 --> 00:26:58,782
Now, thank you for calling
and call again any time.
435
00:27:01,921 --> 00:27:03,087
Are you feeling better?
436
00:27:03,089 --> 00:27:06,123
In every pothole there is hope.
437
00:27:06,125 --> 00:27:08,258
My father used
to say that to me.
438
00:27:08,260 --> 00:27:08,859
I remember.
439
00:27:08,861 --> 00:27:12,696
He said it to me only a day or two before
he walked out the door and was run over...
440
00:27:12,698 --> 00:27:16,166
By a truck full of mixed nuts.
441
00:27:16,936 --> 00:27:19,903
Oh, I have something for you.
442
00:27:26,045 --> 00:27:27,978
Merry Christmas, Catherine.
443
00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:30,547
Oh, Philip! Thank you!
444
00:27:44,363 --> 00:27:45,663
Fruit of the month club.
For three months.
445
00:27:45,665 --> 00:27:47,798
First you get apples, then you
get oranges, then you get pears.
446
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:51,101
I'll take that wrapping. It's okay.
I save the wrapping.
447
00:27:51,103 --> 00:27:52,569
I save it too.
I make ornaments.
448
00:27:52,571 --> 00:27:56,040
I paid for it! Give it to me!
Give it to me.
449
00:27:56,042 --> 00:27:58,142
Give it to me.
450
00:28:00,546 --> 00:28:03,180
Philip, what's this?
This is an eviction notice.
451
00:28:03,182 --> 00:28:06,216
This says we have to be out of the
building by the end of the year.
452
00:28:06,218 --> 00:28:07,718
Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!
453
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:11,055
Oh, my gosh! It's Christmas.
I didn't want to upset you.
454
00:28:11,057 --> 00:28:12,589
We have to move!
We have to find someplace!
455
00:28:12,591 --> 00:28:16,627
We don't have any money. Philip, you
can solve this. I know you can.
456
00:28:16,629 --> 00:28:19,730
When the city of Los Angeles was going
to chop down healthy elm trees,
457
00:28:19,732 --> 00:28:21,465
just in case they got
Dutch elm disease,
458
00:28:21,467 --> 00:28:22,499
you handcuffed yourself
to a tree.
459
00:28:22,501 --> 00:28:24,735
And called the newspaper!
I'll call the newspaper!
460
00:28:24,737 --> 00:28:30,074
Two weeks from now I'll be home,
unemployed, with my Royal Riviera Pears.
461
00:28:30,076 --> 00:28:35,045
May I have the number of the Los Angeles Times?
I'm gonna pray for a miracle.
462
00:28:35,047 --> 00:28:36,814
Thank you.
463
00:28:37,450 --> 00:28:41,452
- Hey, dickheads!
- I'm coming, Mrs. Munchnik!
464
00:28:41,454 --> 00:28:44,855
Don't tell her anything! Get
me out of this elevator!
465
00:28:44,857 --> 00:28:47,524
You have reached
the Los Angeles Times.
466
00:28:47,526 --> 00:28:50,994
If you would like to order a
subscription, please press one.
467
00:28:50,996 --> 00:28:54,865
If your newspaper did not
arrive this morning, press two.
468
00:28:54,867 --> 00:28:57,835
If you would like to place
a classified ad, press three.
469
00:28:57,837 --> 00:29:02,206
If you would like to speak to the
editorial desk, city desk, national desk,
470
00:29:02,208 --> 00:29:07,044
international desk, sports desk,
metro, view or calendar sections,
471
00:29:07,046 --> 00:29:10,047
press the first three letters
of the desk you desire
472
00:29:10,049 --> 00:29:12,950
followed by the star key in
the case of the first three,
473
00:29:12,952 --> 00:29:16,820
or the pound key in the case
of the latter five. Help!
474
00:29:16,822 --> 00:29:20,124
I'm coming! I'm coming!
475
00:29:21,627 --> 00:29:26,830
Here you go. I'll just pull you through the roof.
Come on, Mrs. Munchnik.
476
00:29:26,832 --> 00:29:28,665
I got you, I got you.
477
00:29:28,667 --> 00:29:30,734
I called the landlord.
He'll be here in two hours.
478
00:29:30,736 --> 00:29:35,139
I can't wait two hours!
I have to go to the bathroom!
479
00:29:36,842 --> 00:29:38,742
Just hang on. We'll have
you out in a minute.
480
00:29:38,744 --> 00:29:42,079
I can't hold it!
Hurry up you oaf!
481
00:29:45,751 --> 00:29:47,651
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
482
00:29:55,127 --> 00:29:56,960
Philip, are you all right?
483
00:29:56,962 --> 00:29:57,995
Do I look like I'm all right?
484
00:29:57,997 --> 00:30:02,633
I'm slipping, I'm going to crash.
Hold onto my wrist.
485
00:30:02,635 --> 00:30:05,536
You're hurting my wrist. Bring the
elevator back! Bring it back.
486
00:30:05,538 --> 00:30:09,606
You have two innocent people
up here dangling.
487
00:30:09,608 --> 00:30:11,308
Who's down there?
488
00:30:11,310 --> 00:30:13,544
Whoever you are, stop on four!
489
00:30:13,546 --> 00:30:17,548
No, three! Three!
Stop on three, not four!
490
00:30:17,550 --> 00:30:20,184
Gracie, come on!
Where you going?
491
00:30:20,186 --> 00:30:24,288
It's coming back!
We're gonna be crushed!
492
00:30:24,290 --> 00:30:28,392
Do you have anything to say
to Susan? Any last words?
493
00:30:28,394 --> 00:30:31,728
She broke up with me!
494
00:30:35,467 --> 00:30:37,701
Push stop! Push the red button!
495
00:30:37,703 --> 00:30:42,773
What red button? Is someone talking to me?
I'm talking to you!
496
00:30:42,775 --> 00:30:46,043
Help. Help! Push the red button!
Don't you hear me?
497
00:30:46,045 --> 00:30:49,479
God, help! We're gonna die!
We're gonna die!
498
00:30:49,481 --> 00:30:51,448
We're dead! I knew it!
499
00:30:51,450 --> 00:30:55,385
Please save us! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
500
00:30:55,387 --> 00:30:57,621
No! No! No!
501
00:30:59,491 --> 00:31:02,259
Ah, Gracie, come on!
Come on, honey!
502
00:31:02,261 --> 00:31:06,163
I promise I'll be a good guy. I'll
even give you the Santa suit back.
503
00:31:06,165 --> 00:31:08,131
I have to pee! Help!
Here it is.
504
00:31:08,133 --> 00:31:10,367
I'm taking off the goofy boot things.
Let me in!
505
00:31:10,369 --> 00:31:13,670
Are you okay? Oh, please!
506
00:31:13,672 --> 00:31:15,973
Put your clothes on, Felix.
Open this door now!
507
00:31:15,975 --> 00:31:20,244
We have an employee who
desperately needs to get in.
508
00:31:29,121 --> 00:31:33,290
Let me in right now!
Oh! I'm in agony!
509
00:31:33,292 --> 00:31:36,393
What is wrong with you?
510
00:31:44,870 --> 00:31:50,073
Young lady, this restroom
is property of Lifesavers!
511
00:31:50,075 --> 00:31:50,707
You let me...
512
00:31:50,709 --> 00:31:53,176
Calm down. My God. You don't
have to get so excited.
513
00:31:53,178 --> 00:31:54,611
Gracie, please come home
for the holidays.
514
00:31:54,613 --> 00:31:58,015
I'm never coming back! Felix,
would you please get dressed?
515
00:31:58,017 --> 00:31:59,049
Do you know these people?
516
00:31:59,051 --> 00:32:01,685
Yes. Gracie, this is Philip.
Felix, Philip.
517
00:32:01,687 --> 00:32:02,653
Hi. Yeah, we met.
518
00:32:02,655 --> 00:32:04,388
We have? Yeah, when you
crashed into the tree.
519
00:32:04,390 --> 00:32:07,357
I didn't crash into the tree.
You crashed into the tree.
520
00:32:07,359 --> 00:32:08,358
Yeah, so we met.
521
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:10,641
And this is Mrs. Munchnik.
522
00:32:11,897 --> 00:32:13,397
Oh, hello.
523
00:32:15,567 --> 00:32:18,769
Well, you two had better make
up before that baby comes.
524
00:32:18,771 --> 00:32:23,807
Well, I have two months to think about it, okay?
Don't be ridiculous.
525
00:32:23,809 --> 00:32:26,076
You're going to drop any day.
It does look large.
526
00:32:26,078 --> 00:32:30,147
Of course. It's mine. I just got
out of prison seven months ago.
527
00:32:30,149 --> 00:32:35,118
And you're the only person who
could be the father? What?
528
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:37,254
Excuse me? Is it true?
529
00:32:37,256 --> 00:32:39,423
Is what true? What she said.
Is it true?
530
00:32:39,425 --> 00:32:41,558
I'm a slut now, Felix?
Who's the father?
531
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,994
Hey, hey, hey, hey, no! This
is what I'm talking about!
532
00:32:43,996 --> 00:32:46,796
Wait a minute! This is a
nonprofit organization!
533
00:32:47,266 --> 00:32:52,002
There are laws against this!
Felix, you're a maniac!
534
00:32:55,774 --> 00:32:58,508
Oh, Gracie, look what you did.
535
00:32:58,510 --> 00:33:01,011
He's bleeding!
536
00:33:02,314 --> 00:33:06,550
Hello, Evelyn?
Yes, I'm finally out.
537
00:33:06,552 --> 00:33:09,920
Felix will need stitches. We'll
have to take him to the hospital.
538
00:33:09,922 --> 00:33:13,991
Who's gonna pay for it? We can't even
afford to have our baby in a hospital.
539
00:33:13,993 --> 00:33:16,994
I know. We'll take him to the vet.
Dr. Kinsky will help us.
540
00:33:16,996 --> 00:33:20,364
Yes, I'll be there
in just a few minutes.
541
00:33:20,366 --> 00:33:22,265
Just a minute.
542
00:33:22,267 --> 00:33:25,902
What is it? You'll have to stay and
cover the phones while we're out.
543
00:33:25,904 --> 00:33:29,573
I'm going to have to stay and cover the phone.
They want me to stay longer.
544
00:33:29,575 --> 00:33:33,744
Is that incredible? Mrs. Munchnik, you
have driven this man into a frenzy.
545
00:33:33,746 --> 00:33:35,379
It was like lighting
dry leaves with a match!
546
00:33:35,381 --> 00:33:38,715
You have a responsibility.
They're making me feel guilty.
547
00:33:38,717 --> 00:33:43,253
I will be at your house
sometime before next Christmas!
548
00:33:43,255 --> 00:33:44,388
But that's all I have to say.
549
00:33:44,390 --> 00:33:49,092
Thank you. Are you coming, Gracie?
You're okay.
550
00:33:49,094 --> 00:33:49,559
No way.
551
00:33:49,561 --> 00:33:51,495
- Just relax, Felix.
- You'll like Dr. Kinsky.
552
00:33:51,497 --> 00:33:56,299
He's not just a friend,
he put my dog to sleep.
553
00:34:10,149 --> 00:34:15,652
If you go into labor or
anything along those lines,
554
00:34:15,654 --> 00:34:17,921
just don't expect
any help from me.
555
00:34:17,923 --> 00:34:20,157
I am not a midwife.
556
00:34:20,159 --> 00:34:22,926
I never expect help.
557
00:34:24,229 --> 00:34:26,830
Dr. Kinsky's an expert
on potbelly pigs.
558
00:34:26,832 --> 00:34:27,831
You ought to get one,
Catherine.
559
00:34:27,833 --> 00:34:29,900
You can house train them,
and they can find fungi.
560
00:34:29,902 --> 00:34:34,137
If they get in bed with you, they stick
their nose under the covers and root
561
00:34:34,139 --> 00:34:34,971
which I think is so sweet.
562
00:34:34,973 --> 00:34:36,406
I hate pigs.
How can you hate pigs?
563
00:34:36,408 --> 00:34:38,075
They have those cute
little curly tails.
564
00:34:38,077 --> 00:34:40,811
I hate their cute
little curly tails.
565
00:34:40,813 --> 00:34:42,679
¶ Hello, Catherine ¶
566
00:34:42,681 --> 00:34:45,682
Hello, Louie. I was just
coming upstairs to see you.
567
00:34:45,684 --> 00:34:48,552
I got a present for you.
Something...
568
00:34:50,222 --> 00:34:51,021
¶ Personal ¶
569
00:34:51,023 --> 00:34:54,825
I'll be right back. We're just
taking this man to the vet.
570
00:34:54,827 --> 00:34:56,059
- Is he rabid?
- Hardly.
571
00:34:56,061 --> 00:34:59,362
He's simply a poor, unemployed
person in a bad relationship.
572
00:34:59,364 --> 00:35:02,866
That's what they said
about old Yeller.
573
00:35:03,135 --> 00:35:04,701
I'll see you later, Louie.
574
00:35:04,703 --> 00:35:11,041
¶ I'll be waiting ¶
575
00:35:31,363 --> 00:35:36,299
Can I use your scissors instead
of these ones? Oh, yes.
576
00:35:36,802 --> 00:35:42,639
Do you mind if I cut up your eviction notice?
That would be just fine.
577
00:35:42,641 --> 00:35:45,475
Do you have any tape?
578
00:35:45,477 --> 00:35:48,278
I think there's some
in that drawer.
579
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:51,681
Wait a minute. Wait a minute!
Oh, my...
580
00:35:51,683 --> 00:35:54,117
Oh, that Philip!
581
00:35:54,119 --> 00:35:57,921
How dare he not tell anyone!
He is going to pay for this!
582
00:35:57,923 --> 00:36:04,928
He is going to pay for this or
my name is not Blanche Munchnik!
583
00:36:18,844 --> 00:36:20,310
Here, lie down.
584
00:36:20,312 --> 00:36:22,279
Dr. Kinsky?
585
00:36:23,749 --> 00:36:25,982
Hello?
586
00:36:27,553 --> 00:36:29,886
I'll be right back.
587
00:36:30,122 --> 00:36:31,922
Is anyone here? Marshall?
588
00:36:31,924 --> 00:36:35,592
Dr. Kinsky? Merry Christmas.
What? Oh!
589
00:36:35,594 --> 00:36:38,395
Hi, Philip. I can't talk.
I'm in a rush.
590
00:36:38,397 --> 00:36:39,829
We got a problem.
You gotta help.
591
00:36:39,831 --> 00:36:40,630
I can't. I gotta go.
592
00:36:40,632 --> 00:36:43,166
Felix is bleeding like crazy. He was
hit in the head with a fruitcake.
593
00:36:43,168 --> 00:36:46,436
How'd that happen?
Lovers' quarrel.
594
00:36:46,438 --> 00:36:48,171
Philip, please, don't go
anthropomorphic on me.
595
00:36:48,173 --> 00:36:52,108
I'm up to my eyeballs in people that
think that animals have feelings.
596
00:36:52,110 --> 00:36:53,410
I don't think you understand.
597
00:36:53,412 --> 00:36:55,212
Come on, I'll help you.
I'll take care of it.
598
00:36:55,214 --> 00:36:57,280
Just do me a favor.
Spare me the melodrama.
599
00:36:57,282 --> 00:37:00,317
Take Felix out of his
box, put him in here.
600
00:37:00,319 --> 00:37:03,220
I'll be right back. Take
Felix out of his box.
601
00:37:03,222 --> 00:37:06,056
Hi, Pepper, Ginger,
Vinny, Duke, Scotty, Billy.
602
00:37:08,126 --> 00:37:10,927
Hi. Hi, hi. I'm running late.
603
00:37:10,929 --> 00:37:12,629
What is it now?
A cat with a concussion.
604
00:37:12,631 --> 00:37:16,499
That's the way it's always going to be, isn't it?
The animals always come first!
605
00:37:16,501 --> 00:37:20,237
Well, Merry Christmas! Not
that you even celebrate it!
606
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:23,807
Wait! Wait! No, wait! Hey! Oh!
607
00:37:27,579 --> 00:37:28,345
A person named Felix.
608
00:37:28,347 --> 00:37:31,047
Before there were cats named Felix,
there were people named Felix.
609
00:37:31,049 --> 00:37:35,352
You'll find, if you look that
up, the opposite is true.
610
00:37:35,354 --> 00:37:37,887
Hi, Pancho. Hi, little Pancho.
611
00:37:37,889 --> 00:37:39,623
You don't have to worry.
You don't have a dream.
612
00:37:39,625 --> 00:37:42,792
All you want is food and love.
It's all I want.
613
00:37:42,794 --> 00:37:43,960
I want to be a wall artist.
614
00:37:43,962 --> 00:37:45,695
You can make people happy
by chasing a stick.
615
00:37:45,697 --> 00:37:50,467
I have to raise $5,000 or I'm going
to hurt two people I care about.
616
00:37:50,469 --> 00:37:53,203
I care about Gracie.
I care about Vanessa.
617
00:37:53,205 --> 00:37:57,274
I care about Catherine and Mrs. Munchnik.
What about Susan?
618
00:37:57,276 --> 00:37:59,242
Susan's gone. Gracie's gone.
619
00:37:59,244 --> 00:38:01,678
Vanessa's gone.
Give up women, Pancho.
620
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:03,480
Tomorrow he will.
Ooh, that's gotta hurt.
621
00:38:03,482 --> 00:38:06,850
Oh, no. Once he takes a couple of
these, he won't know what hit him.
622
00:38:06,852 --> 00:38:11,454
We never know what hits us, then
one day we're talking in falsetto.
623
00:38:11,456 --> 00:38:15,191
Stay. Let me ask you something.
624
00:38:15,327 --> 00:38:18,261
How many pillows does Susan
have on her bed? About 12.
625
00:38:18,263 --> 00:38:22,766
See? What is it with women and pillows?
How many do you need?
626
00:38:22,768 --> 00:38:27,504
How many do you need? Two!
One for you and one for her!
627
00:38:27,506 --> 00:38:28,571
Yeah.
628
00:38:28,573 --> 00:38:30,573
Vanessa has all these pillows!
629
00:38:30,575 --> 00:38:33,910
She's got round ones.
She's got heart-shaped ones.
630
00:38:33,912 --> 00:38:39,215
She's got those pillows with the...
Stuff around the edges.
631
00:38:39,217 --> 00:38:40,283
Ruffles? Yeah.
632
00:38:40,285 --> 00:38:43,186
So you want to go to bed, you
gotta take all the pillows off!
633
00:38:43,188 --> 00:38:46,356
Then in the morning, you
gotta put them all back on!
634
00:38:46,358 --> 00:38:47,023
What is the point?
635
00:38:47,025 --> 00:38:49,459
Marshall! Lifesavers
is about to go under.
636
00:38:49,461 --> 00:38:51,227
I don't care about pillows!
637
00:38:53,965 --> 00:38:55,965
What's wrong with him?
Oh, my God!
638
00:38:55,967 --> 00:38:58,635
Come on. Come on! Get up! Get up!
Felix! Felix! Felix!
639
00:38:58,637 --> 00:39:02,539
What happened? He took an
overdose of dog tranquilizers!
640
00:39:02,541 --> 00:39:03,139
Oh, my gosh, Felix!
641
00:39:03,141 --> 00:39:05,308
Get him up! Get outta the way!
Walk him around.
642
00:39:05,310 --> 00:39:07,110
Get outta the way!
643
00:39:07,112 --> 00:39:08,244
Keep him moving! Keep moving!
644
00:39:08,246 --> 00:39:10,513
How can you possibly be
friends with these people?
645
00:39:10,515 --> 00:39:12,716
I beg your pardon, Philip.
646
00:39:12,718 --> 00:39:13,583
Where did you find them?
647
00:39:13,585 --> 00:39:17,120
If you must know, I met Gracie at an
adult children of alcoholics meeting.
648
00:39:17,122 --> 00:39:18,922
Was your mother an alcoholic?
No.
649
00:39:18,924 --> 00:39:19,923
Was your father? No.
650
00:39:19,925 --> 00:39:22,692
I went because someone told me
it was a good place to meet men.
651
00:39:22,694 --> 00:39:25,562
Of course, I didn't meet a man.
That goes without saying.
652
00:39:25,564 --> 00:39:28,064
I met Gracie, though,
and she breaks my heart.
653
00:39:28,066 --> 00:39:31,034
And because I care about
her, I care about Felix.
654
00:39:31,036 --> 00:39:35,238
I'm not like you, Philip. I'm not one of
those people who's only good on the phone.
655
00:39:35,240 --> 00:39:40,143
That's not true. I'm good in person.
In person, you blame everyone.
656
00:39:40,145 --> 00:39:41,678
You did something
wrong at the office.
657
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:45,148
You gave out our address.
Did I blame you?
658
00:39:45,150 --> 00:39:47,817
No. I blamed the Santa Anas.
659
00:39:47,819 --> 00:39:51,421
I don't even know
what the Santa Anas are.
660
00:39:51,423 --> 00:39:53,857
They're dry winds from
the desert that blow...
661
00:39:53,859 --> 00:39:55,392
Oh, shut up.
662
00:39:57,729 --> 00:39:59,763
Don't just stand there.
Call an ambulance.
663
00:39:59,765 --> 00:40:02,165
That's something
you'll be good at.
664
00:40:03,101 --> 00:40:05,101
I'm glad that we're
not working together.
665
00:40:05,103 --> 00:40:06,469
I'm glad this is our last week!
666
00:40:06,471 --> 00:40:12,709
Felix, if Gracie had any idea what
you've done, she would be devastated.
667
00:40:14,279 --> 00:40:15,945
Oh, that's probably Felix.
668
00:40:15,947 --> 00:40:21,117
Well, I can assure you, if you think
your husband is having an affair, he is!
669
00:40:21,119 --> 00:40:25,288
He says, "I'm in my office,
honey, eating Chinese food."
670
00:40:25,290 --> 00:40:28,792
I don't care if he's dying.
I'm not gonna answer it.
671
00:40:28,794 --> 00:40:30,894
Read his mail. Read it!
672
00:40:30,896 --> 00:40:35,698
That's the delightful way I found
out that I'm about to be jobless.
673
00:40:35,700 --> 00:40:37,667
You're kidding. That's right.
674
00:40:37,669 --> 00:40:40,403
Fine.
675
00:40:41,106 --> 00:40:41,538
Hello?
676
00:40:41,540 --> 00:40:45,175
How can I do it to you, baby,
if you hang up on me?
677
00:40:45,177 --> 00:40:46,676
What? Who's this?
678
00:40:46,678 --> 00:40:49,179
Is this Catherine?
No, this isn't Catherine.
679
00:40:49,181 --> 00:40:52,182
Merry Christmas to you too.
Oh, you're new!
680
00:40:52,184 --> 00:40:55,018
Who are you? My name is Gracie.
681
00:40:55,020 --> 00:40:58,488
Gracie, I want to write
your name in cheese.
682
00:40:59,024 --> 00:41:00,390
I want to bark like a dog!
683
00:41:00,392 --> 00:41:05,628
You are a disgusting, sleazy,
perverted pig! Excuse me!
684
00:41:05,630 --> 00:41:08,631
Um, I'm sorry. May I help you?
685
00:41:08,633 --> 00:41:11,601
The person you were just
speaking with has not taken
686
00:41:11,603 --> 00:41:15,071
the Lifesavers training program.
Shut up, Grandma!
687
00:41:15,073 --> 00:41:18,241
Oh.
I'm not busting your cherry!
688
00:41:18,243 --> 00:41:21,544
Oh, I'm... simply crushed.
689
00:41:21,546 --> 00:41:24,914
Here I've waited
my whole life for you
690
00:41:24,916 --> 00:41:28,184
and now you don't even want me.
691
00:41:28,353 --> 00:41:28,985
Do go on.
692
00:41:28,987 --> 00:41:32,755
I believe you were
discussing my cherry.
693
00:41:33,725 --> 00:41:38,728
I am so good at this, and soon
I will be left high and dry
694
00:41:38,730 --> 00:41:42,465
with no outlet for my talent.
695
00:41:42,467 --> 00:41:44,100
I have to pee.
696
00:41:44,102 --> 00:41:47,270
Have you ever been pregnant?
No, I have not.
697
00:41:47,272 --> 00:41:50,106
Listen, young lady,
when you come out,
698
00:41:50,108 --> 00:41:54,377
do not answer the phone
under any circumstances.
699
00:41:54,379 --> 00:41:57,247
Do not answer the door
under any circumstances
700
00:41:57,249 --> 00:42:00,517
because it could be the Seaside
Strangler, and you know what he'll do.
701
00:42:00,519 --> 00:42:05,655
He'll take fishing twine and wrap it around
your neck and your face will turn blue.
702
00:42:05,657 --> 00:42:09,492
Then your eyes will bulge out,
and then he'll knock you down
703
00:42:09,494 --> 00:42:11,361
and hike up your skirt
and bang you!
704
00:42:11,363 --> 00:42:13,329
Very funny! Very
funny, young lady!
705
00:42:13,331 --> 00:42:17,467
No one comes here.
This is an unlisted address.
706
00:42:19,838 --> 00:42:22,539
Hello? Hello, who is there?
707
00:42:22,541 --> 00:42:26,075
It's the Seaside Strangler.
708
00:42:26,778 --> 00:42:29,579
Whoever you are, you are
not supposed to be here.
709
00:42:30,348 --> 00:42:34,217
Oh, who is it? Answer me!
710
00:42:35,353 --> 00:42:37,153
Do you have something to hide?
711
00:42:37,155 --> 00:42:39,522
Did you do that?
712
00:42:39,524 --> 00:42:44,027
Did you turn out the lights or
is it just this stupid building?
713
00:42:44,029 --> 00:42:45,128
Are you the Seaside Strangler?
714
00:42:45,130 --> 00:42:51,134
Listen, Mr. Seaside Strangler, I am calling
the police, I am getting the reward
715
00:42:51,136 --> 00:42:54,704
and you will go
to a maximum security prison,
716
00:42:54,706 --> 00:42:56,873
where a very large, hairy man
717
00:42:56,875 --> 00:43:00,376
is going to make you
his girlfriend.
718
00:43:02,414 --> 00:43:06,082
I am not your type. I am short.
719
00:43:06,084 --> 00:43:09,118
And my hair is short.
I am attractive.
720
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:12,188
I suppose I fit that part
of the description.
721
00:43:12,190 --> 00:43:15,625
But I am not young!
I have never been young!
722
00:43:15,627 --> 00:43:19,529
Although I do look...
Would you knock it off?
723
00:43:19,531 --> 00:43:22,165
What would the Seaside
Strangler want with you?
724
00:43:22,167 --> 00:43:22,899
Just... Shh! No!
725
00:43:22,901 --> 00:43:27,036
You're having a fantasy. Oh, no, no!
Don't! Don't!
726
00:43:27,973 --> 00:43:32,175
What a sad and horrible
Christmas Eve.
727
00:43:32,177 --> 00:43:32,875
I had to take the bus.
728
00:43:32,877 --> 00:43:36,412
I stubbed my toe
on the boardwalk.
729
00:43:37,749 --> 00:43:40,917
May I come in? Sure.
730
00:43:48,093 --> 00:43:51,361
Is she all right? She's fine.
731
00:43:51,696 --> 00:43:54,230
Oh, what beautiful beads.
Thanks.
732
00:43:54,232 --> 00:43:57,166
Could you do me a favor?
I'm gonna leave.
733
00:43:57,168 --> 00:44:00,203
Could you put her
somewhere out of the way?
734
00:44:00,205 --> 00:44:01,938
I'd be happy to.
735
00:44:03,608 --> 00:44:04,974
¶ Santa, baby
736
00:44:04,976 --> 00:44:09,512
¶ Just slip a sable
under the tree
737
00:44:09,514 --> 00:44:11,914
¶ For me
738
00:44:11,916 --> 00:44:15,118
¶ Been an awful good girl
739
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:16,352
¶ Santa, baby
740
00:44:16,354 --> 00:44:20,356
¶ So hurry down
the chimney tonight
741
00:44:27,432 --> 00:44:32,669
¶ Santa, baby, I forgot
to mention one little thing
742
00:44:32,671 --> 00:44:34,937
¶ A ring
743
00:44:34,939 --> 00:44:38,007
¶ I don't mean on the phone
744
00:44:38,009 --> 00:44:39,208
¶ Santa, baby
745
00:44:39,210 --> 00:44:44,614
¶ So hurry down
the chimney tonight.
746
00:44:45,617 --> 00:44:46,983
Hello. Lifesavers.
May I help you?
747
00:44:46,985 --> 00:44:48,618
May I speak to a woman?
748
00:44:48,620 --> 00:44:51,554
May I please wish a woman
Merry Christmas?
749
00:44:51,556 --> 00:44:53,556
You are speaking to a woman.
750
00:44:58,963 --> 00:45:02,965
¶ Santa, cutie
and fill my stocking
751
00:45:02,967 --> 00:45:07,937
¶ With a duplex and checks
752
00:45:07,939 --> 00:45:11,140
¶ Sign your "x" on the line
753
00:45:11,142 --> 00:45:12,375
¶ Santa, cutie
754
00:45:12,377 --> 00:45:17,447
¶ So hurry down
the chimney tonight.
755
00:45:17,449 --> 00:45:19,816
- Mrs. Munchnik?
- No.
756
00:45:19,818 --> 00:45:21,117
¶ Hurry ¶
757
00:45:21,119 --> 00:45:21,784
Who are you?
758
00:45:21,786 --> 00:45:25,621
I called earlier.
You gave me the address.
759
00:45:25,623 --> 00:45:28,057
I remember.
760
00:45:29,594 --> 00:45:31,794
I came right over.
761
00:45:34,399 --> 00:45:36,766
Have you seen a woman
in a bad mood?
762
00:45:36,768 --> 00:45:40,069
She's resting behind the couch.
763
00:45:45,610 --> 00:45:48,778
You were very good
on the phone.
764
00:45:48,780 --> 00:45:52,949
On the phone. I was
good on the phone.
765
00:45:53,151 --> 00:45:55,485
Won't you sit down?
766
00:46:00,759 --> 00:46:04,060
My voice puts you off,
doesn't it?
767
00:46:04,062 --> 00:46:07,396
Not at all. It doesn't suit me.
768
00:46:07,398 --> 00:46:11,000
In that sense, I am
exactly like Kissinger.
769
00:46:11,002 --> 00:46:12,702
Henry Kissinger?
Haven't you noticed?
770
00:46:12,704 --> 00:46:17,774
He has this odd, little, nasal
voice and a pompous, fat body.
771
00:46:17,776 --> 00:46:21,110
Must upset
the Russians terribly.
772
00:46:21,479 --> 00:46:24,647
I met him once.
How fascinating.
773
00:46:26,785 --> 00:46:29,819
Not that he would remember me.
774
00:46:29,821 --> 00:46:31,621
No one does.
775
00:46:32,157 --> 00:46:34,857
I'm sure that's not true.
776
00:46:35,460 --> 00:46:39,128
Thank you. You're very kind.
777
00:46:42,500 --> 00:46:46,135
Excuse me, I'm just going to...
778
00:46:46,538 --> 00:46:49,038
Light these candles
in case the, uh...
779
00:46:49,641 --> 00:46:53,276
It was at one of those clubs. You know
those dance clubs. You know the kind.
780
00:46:53,278 --> 00:46:55,478
Here today, gone tomorrow.
You never know where you are
781
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:58,581
because when you look...
it's gone.
782
00:46:59,584 --> 00:47:02,118
Who was I with?
783
00:47:02,654 --> 00:47:03,186
I have no idea.
784
00:47:03,188 --> 00:47:06,189
When you're confused,
your past is a blur.
785
00:47:06,191 --> 00:47:08,624
He wasn't dancing.
786
00:47:08,626 --> 00:47:10,193
Who?
787
00:47:10,562 --> 00:47:13,196
Henry Kissinger. Ah.
788
00:47:13,298 --> 00:47:15,064
I'm boring you, aren't I?
789
00:47:15,066 --> 00:47:17,667
Not in the least.
790
00:47:18,903 --> 00:47:21,003
I bore everyone.
791
00:47:21,005 --> 00:47:22,438
I'm sure that's not true.
792
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:25,975
I personally find you very
entertaining and informative.
793
00:47:25,977 --> 00:47:31,080
For example, I had no idea Henry
Kissinger went to dance clubs.
794
00:47:31,082 --> 00:47:34,984
Perhaps you could come back some
other time, say, after the New Year,
795
00:47:34,986 --> 00:47:37,286
and we could continue our chat.
796
00:47:37,288 --> 00:47:38,154
I wasn't dancing either.
797
00:47:38,156 --> 00:47:41,624
I have two left feet,
I believe is the expression.
798
00:47:41,626 --> 00:47:46,395
Ah. Well, let me offer you one last piece
of advice before you have to leave.
799
00:47:46,397 --> 00:47:51,300
Did you bring a coat or anything?
Just my cape.
800
00:47:51,469 --> 00:47:52,068
Ah.
801
00:47:52,070 --> 00:47:58,274
Have you ever heard of the Greater
Orange County Mambo Contest of 1968?
802
00:47:58,276 --> 00:48:01,510
Well, I was scared
to enter it, and yet I did.
803
00:48:01,512 --> 00:48:04,647
And I won first prize,
dancing with my sister.
804
00:48:04,649 --> 00:48:08,251
From that moment on, I have
never worried for one second
805
00:48:08,253 --> 00:48:12,288
about anyone's opinion,
and neither should you.
806
00:48:12,857 --> 00:48:13,589
You mean...
807
00:48:13,591 --> 00:48:17,126
You wouldn't hesitate
to dance, even with me?
808
00:48:17,128 --> 00:48:19,128
Absolutely not.
809
00:48:20,398 --> 00:48:22,265
Do you have music?
810
00:48:25,637 --> 00:48:28,738
- Come on, Catherine.
- Let's go to my place.
811
00:48:28,740 --> 00:48:32,975
Now? I have something for you.
812
00:48:35,947 --> 00:48:37,880
There were 14 kids
in our family,
813
00:48:37,882 --> 00:48:43,452
so for Christmas we each
got one pair of socks.
814
00:48:43,454 --> 00:48:44,086
Really?
815
00:48:44,088 --> 00:48:49,191
Plus, we never saw our mother. Divide
14 into 24 and what do you get?
816
00:48:49,193 --> 00:48:52,595
Two. We each saw our
mother two minutes a day.
817
00:48:52,597 --> 00:48:54,163
You mean two hours a day.
818
00:48:54,165 --> 00:48:56,899
No, I mean two minutes.
819
00:49:00,405 --> 00:49:02,838
My mother's always there.
Always.
820
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:05,574
Sometimes I wish she were dead.
821
00:49:05,576 --> 00:49:06,342
Oh, I shouldn't say that.
822
00:49:06,344 --> 00:49:09,845
I hope you don't think I'm
a terrible person. No.
823
00:49:09,847 --> 00:49:13,516
Suppose she dies now
and it's all my fault?
824
00:49:13,518 --> 00:49:15,518
Close your eyes.
825
00:49:19,023 --> 00:49:20,890
Open them.
826
00:49:27,832 --> 00:49:29,632
Is that me?
827
00:49:30,168 --> 00:49:32,468
Oh, my goodness.
828
00:49:32,904 --> 00:49:34,837
Oh, Gracie.
829
00:49:34,839 --> 00:49:37,206
You're so talented.
830
00:49:39,377 --> 00:49:44,647
I have spent my whole life trying
to make something out of nothing.
831
00:49:44,649 --> 00:49:46,282
Don't take that
personally, Catherine.
832
00:49:46,284 --> 00:49:51,821
But just once I'd like to
have something to begin with.
833
00:49:55,593 --> 00:49:59,328
Christmas is such a
powerful time, isn't it?
834
00:49:59,330 --> 00:50:01,297
Gracie, let's make a wish.
835
00:50:01,299 --> 00:50:04,266
Hold my hand and we'll
make a Christmas wish.
836
00:50:04,268 --> 00:50:06,002
Really. I mean it.
837
00:50:06,004 --> 00:50:09,805
I'll go first so you
won't be embarrassed.
838
00:50:09,807 --> 00:50:10,239
Okay.
839
00:50:10,241 --> 00:50:12,575
It's hard to do this because
if you say your wish out loud,
840
00:50:12,577 --> 00:50:15,911
and it doesn't come true,
it's so much worse.
841
00:50:15,913 --> 00:50:18,047
But here we go.
842
00:50:18,683 --> 00:50:19,882
I wish
843
00:50:19,884 --> 00:50:24,453
there were someone I cared
for who cared for me.
844
00:50:25,656 --> 00:50:30,092
There, I said it. Your turn.
845
00:50:31,696 --> 00:50:35,531
I wish for my baby
to have a better life.
846
00:50:35,767 --> 00:50:38,667
Love. Money.
847
00:50:41,072 --> 00:50:43,873
I should probably
get back to the office.
848
00:50:43,875 --> 00:50:44,440
Wait a second.
849
00:50:44,442 --> 00:50:47,877
Let's get some Chinese
food on the way, okay?
850
00:50:47,879 --> 00:50:49,445
Okay.
851
00:50:58,623 --> 00:51:01,924
¶ My, my, my, my
852
00:51:01,926 --> 00:51:08,631
¶ Maybe it's much
too early in the game
853
00:51:08,766 --> 00:51:15,905
¶ Oh, but I thought
I'd ask you just the same
854
00:51:16,340 --> 00:51:21,977
¶ What are you doing New Year's
855
00:51:21,979 --> 00:51:23,846
I don't think...
856
00:51:23,848 --> 00:51:29,085
¶ New Year's Eve
857
00:51:29,087 --> 00:51:31,020
¶ Oh
858
00:51:31,022 --> 00:51:33,422
¶ I wonder whose arms
859
00:51:33,424 --> 00:51:37,827
¶ Will hold you good and tight
860
00:51:37,829 --> 00:51:44,600
¶ When it's exactly
12:00 at night
861
00:51:45,336 --> 00:51:51,774
¶ Welcoming in the New Year
862
00:51:51,776 --> 00:51:55,478
¶ New Year's Eve.
863
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:58,647
Is it making you nervous
to dance with me?
864
00:51:58,649 --> 00:51:59,748
I'm not nervous at all.
865
00:51:59,750 --> 00:52:03,686
¶ Maybe I'm crazy
866
00:52:03,688 --> 00:52:07,556
¶ To suppose
867
00:52:07,558 --> 00:52:10,326
¶ I'd ever be
868
00:52:10,328 --> 00:52:14,263
¶ The one you chose
869
00:52:14,265 --> 00:52:18,000
¶ Out of a thousand
870
00:52:18,002 --> 00:52:21,170
¶ Invitations.
871
00:52:21,706 --> 00:52:26,609
Dancing with you
makes me feel all fluffy,
872
00:52:26,611 --> 00:52:29,378
like I was dancing on a cloud.
873
00:52:31,983 --> 00:52:33,849
In my work, I deal with
all kinds of people.
874
00:52:33,851 --> 00:52:39,488
None of them are what you might call
conventional, and neither am I.
875
00:52:42,026 --> 00:52:48,230
¶ What are you doing New Year's
876
00:52:49,167 --> 00:52:55,938
¶ New Year's Eve ¶
877
00:53:00,211 --> 00:53:02,811
You're a marvelous dancer.
878
00:53:03,881 --> 00:53:05,514
Thank you.
879
00:53:28,439 --> 00:53:29,939
Philip?
880
00:53:31,309 --> 00:53:36,278
This is shocking. Completely shocking.
I am suing you.
881
00:53:36,280 --> 00:53:37,846
Do you hear? For what?
882
00:53:37,848 --> 00:53:44,954
Withholding information,
psychic stress, stupidity.
883
00:53:45,489 --> 00:53:49,058
And obviously
improper office behavior.
884
00:53:49,060 --> 00:53:49,792
Mrs. Munchnik...
885
00:53:49,794 --> 00:53:51,360
I am calling
the Los Angeles Times.
886
00:53:51,362 --> 00:53:53,562
I am calling
the Los Angeles Times!
887
00:53:53,564 --> 00:53:54,396
They'll do a hatchet job.
888
00:53:54,398 --> 00:53:55,965
They're going to do
a puff piece on us!
889
00:53:55,967 --> 00:53:59,535
I may be temporarily
jobless, thanks to you.
890
00:53:59,537 --> 00:54:03,806
But you will be jobless forever.
I will see to that!
891
00:54:11,015 --> 00:54:14,783
I was only trying to be kind. I
thought I could figure out a way.
892
00:54:14,785 --> 00:54:16,585
We only need $5,000
to tide us over.
893
00:54:16,587 --> 00:54:20,289
That is practically your annual salary.
You are a failure.
894
00:54:20,291 --> 00:54:23,158
I will see to it that
you stay that way!
895
00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:24,226
Mrs. Munchnik, please!
896
00:54:24,228 --> 00:54:26,362
I suppose Catherine
knew about this.
897
00:54:26,364 --> 00:54:27,763
I suppose she was in cahoots.
898
00:54:27,765 --> 00:54:32,534
That Catherine. She is the most
devious woman I have ever met.
899
00:54:32,536 --> 00:54:37,339
Catherine is the kindest, most gentle
creature on the face of the Earth.
900
00:54:37,341 --> 00:54:41,810
Catherine wants to rip
your clothes off, Philip.
901
00:54:41,812 --> 00:54:42,312
She does?
902
00:54:42,313 --> 00:54:48,384
Under that mousy exterior
lies smoldering lust.
903
00:54:50,421 --> 00:54:52,054
Really?
904
00:54:52,790 --> 00:54:54,623
Catherine isn't speaking
to me right now.
905
00:54:54,625 --> 00:54:55,457
I'm not at all surprised.
906
00:54:55,459 --> 00:54:59,261
Before she wasn't speaking to me, she
said she would pray for a miracle.
907
00:54:59,263 --> 00:55:01,096
That is pathetic.
908
00:55:01,098 --> 00:55:05,701
Do not walk me to my car.
Stay right there.
909
00:55:07,838 --> 00:55:10,005
Merry Christmas.
910
00:55:10,508 --> 00:55:11,573
Merry Christmas.
911
00:55:11,575 --> 00:55:14,243
And say hello to your dead
sister's husband for me.
912
00:55:14,245 --> 00:55:19,982
My dead husband's sister,
if you don't mind.
913
00:55:45,076 --> 00:55:49,978
¶ New Year's Eve ¶
914
00:55:56,587 --> 00:55:58,354
Are you crazy? Are you insane?
915
00:55:58,356 --> 00:56:02,958
This is all I do all day
is deal with nuts like you!
916
00:56:05,930 --> 00:56:11,633
Oh, my God! Catherine was right.
In person, I'm a disaster!
917
00:56:11,869 --> 00:56:16,905
I am so sorry.
I really didn't mean it.
918
00:56:16,907 --> 00:56:20,676
Please.
No apology is necessary.
919
00:56:21,112 --> 00:56:23,746
I understand completely.
920
00:56:27,485 --> 00:56:29,184
Goodbye.
921
00:56:48,105 --> 00:56:50,439
When is the
Automobile Club coming?
922
00:56:50,441 --> 00:56:51,073
In a half hour.
923
00:56:51,075 --> 00:56:52,775
Oh. I used to be
in the Automobile Club,
924
00:56:52,777 --> 00:56:57,179
but they found out I didn't have
a car, so they kicked me out.
925
00:56:57,181 --> 00:56:58,814
They're a little
uptight over there.
926
00:56:58,816 --> 00:56:59,648
Catherine.
927
00:56:59,650 --> 00:57:03,252
Catherine, my goodness, what
have you done to yourself?
928
00:57:03,254 --> 00:57:04,987
You've lost your identity.
929
00:57:04,989 --> 00:57:05,954
I have not.
930
00:57:05,956 --> 00:57:07,756
I'm hungry. I'm gonna die.
931
00:57:07,758 --> 00:57:08,590
Are you about to eat?
932
00:57:08,592 --> 00:57:11,160
Allow me to
contribute a fruitcake.
933
00:57:11,162 --> 00:57:14,329
Be sure you serve it to that
male colleague you so admire
934
00:57:14,331 --> 00:57:18,300
who is upstairs at this very
moment dancing with a strumpet
935
00:57:18,302 --> 00:57:19,735
while Lifesavers
goes up in smoke.
936
00:57:19,737 --> 00:57:21,537
Catherine,
our food's getting cold.
937
00:57:21,539 --> 00:57:24,706
Is it Susan? Is Susan with him?
938
00:57:24,708 --> 00:57:25,340
Hardly.
939
00:57:25,342 --> 00:57:27,342
Catherine, you look cool.
Thank you, Louie.
940
00:57:27,344 --> 00:57:31,580
Catherine, I was wondering if I could
come up and sing my song for you now?
941
00:57:31,582 --> 00:57:33,949
I'd like nothing more.
942
00:57:45,162 --> 00:57:48,163
Catherine, is that... You?
943
00:57:48,432 --> 00:57:49,965
Oh, I'm gonna
do you too, Philip,
944
00:57:49,967 --> 00:57:52,935
because you and Catherine
do not go together anymore.
945
00:57:52,937 --> 00:57:55,204
Philip and I
have never gone together.
946
00:57:55,206 --> 00:57:58,841
Well, you weren't together,
but you definitely matched.
947
00:57:58,843 --> 00:58:00,843
Now, come on, Philip, get up.
948
00:58:00,845 --> 00:58:03,178
What about me?
I want to match too.
949
00:58:03,180 --> 00:58:05,214
Listen, I'll get to you
in a second, okay?
950
00:58:05,216 --> 00:58:07,416
What's he doing here?
951
00:58:07,418 --> 00:58:08,617
¶ Hello ¶
952
00:58:08,619 --> 00:58:12,521
I invited him. Don't you
have someone here yourself?
953
00:58:12,523 --> 00:58:13,589
I most certainly do not!
954
00:58:13,591 --> 00:58:16,758
Someone left her cape.
955
00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:19,795
Someone left his cape.
956
00:58:19,797 --> 00:58:21,763
Really, Philip.
957
00:58:31,375 --> 00:58:32,841
Where is Felix?
958
00:58:32,843 --> 00:58:34,142
He's at the hospital.
959
00:58:34,144 --> 00:58:35,110
Oh, right.
960
00:58:35,112 --> 00:58:40,549
¶ Felix is in the hospital ¶
961
00:58:41,018 --> 00:58:42,584
Dr. Blair. Dr. Blair.
962
00:58:42,586 --> 00:58:46,822
Dr. Jay Hamilton.
Dr. Jay Hamilton.
963
00:58:47,691 --> 00:58:49,491
60 by pal. Ten dopamine drip.
964
00:58:49,493 --> 00:58:51,360
Okay, as soon as we
get into the unit.
965
00:58:51,362 --> 00:58:53,962
Okay. I'll get a 12-lead.
Let's go!
966
00:58:53,964 --> 00:58:56,498
Does he have any family?
967
00:59:18,122 --> 00:59:24,259
¶ To Catherine.
968
00:59:25,029 --> 00:59:27,362
¶ I wonder whether your name.
969
00:59:27,364 --> 00:59:31,133
¶ Starts with a "C" or a "K"
970
00:59:31,835 --> 00:59:33,835
¶ I wonder whether you prefer.
971
00:59:33,837 --> 00:59:37,272
¶ Almond Joy to Milky Way.
972
00:59:37,341 --> 00:59:40,375
¶ I wonder whether you sleep.
973
00:59:40,377 --> 00:59:43,445
¶ To the left or to the right.
974
00:59:43,447 --> 00:59:45,881
¶ I wonder
who you think would win.
975
00:59:45,883 --> 00:59:49,184
¶ If me and Philip
got into a fight.
976
00:59:49,186 --> 00:59:55,190
¶ Oh, so many things
for me to wonder.
977
00:59:56,860 --> 00:59:58,827
¶ So very pretty.
978
00:59:58,829 --> 01:00:03,665
¶ I wonder when Elliott
said good-bye to E.T.
979
01:00:03,667 --> 01:00:06,168
¶ Did you breakdown and cry.
980
01:00:06,170 --> 01:00:10,072
¶ I wonder if I gave you
pudding, eggs and flour.
981
01:00:10,074 --> 01:00:14,476
¶ Could you make
a Boston Cream Pie.
982
01:00:14,612 --> 01:00:18,046
¶ I wonder if your eyes close.
983
01:00:18,048 --> 01:00:22,217
¶ When you come in for a kiss.
984
01:00:22,553 --> 01:00:24,586
¶ I wonder if we had a baby.
985
01:00:24,588 --> 01:00:29,057
¶ Would you object
to having a bris
986
01:00:29,059 --> 01:00:34,696
¶ Oh, so many things
for me to wonder.
987
01:00:34,832 --> 01:00:39,801
¶ Oh, I love grape jelly ¶
988
01:00:43,007 --> 01:00:44,006
That's it?
989
01:00:44,008 --> 01:00:48,310
It's a work in progress.
It may never be finished.
990
01:00:49,146 --> 01:00:51,213
Oh, Louie.
991
01:00:54,118 --> 01:00:55,851
That was so sweet
of you, Louie.
992
01:00:55,853 --> 01:01:00,889
If it's not too much to ask, would
you mind passing the chow mein?
993
01:01:00,891 --> 01:01:04,192
No one ever wrote a song
for me before.
994
01:01:04,194 --> 01:01:04,893
I can't believe it.
995
01:01:04,895 --> 01:01:07,763
Who ate all
the water chestnuts?
996
01:01:07,765 --> 01:01:08,764
I wrote it longhand.
997
01:01:08,766 --> 01:01:10,799
Where are the water chestnuts?
998
01:01:10,801 --> 01:01:13,268
It took me eight months.
I had to quit my job.
999
01:01:13,270 --> 01:01:18,273
Presents that you make yourself are
always the most special. Don't you think?
1000
01:01:18,275 --> 01:01:20,709
Where did this fruitcake
come from?
1001
01:01:20,711 --> 01:01:23,378
That weird lady gave it to us.
1002
01:01:25,582 --> 01:01:26,281
What ingratitude!
1003
01:01:26,283 --> 01:01:27,983
I give her a gift from
the bottom of my heart
1004
01:01:27,985 --> 01:01:31,853
and she abandons it
as if it meant nothing!
1005
01:01:45,335 --> 01:01:48,136
Oh! Oh!
1006
01:01:49,873 --> 01:01:51,406
Oh.
1007
01:02:07,391 --> 01:02:09,958
Look, there's the dog hater.
1008
01:02:11,829 --> 01:02:14,930
Mrs. Munchnik? What?
1009
01:02:18,535 --> 01:02:21,870
Mrs. Munchnik,
what can I do you for?
1010
01:02:27,878 --> 01:02:31,780
What is it? Tell me.
What can I do you for?
1011
01:02:34,618 --> 01:02:38,687
That's just what my dead
husband always used to say.
1012
01:02:38,689 --> 01:02:40,222
What?
1013
01:02:40,791 --> 01:02:43,225
"What can I do you for?"
1014
01:02:44,995 --> 01:02:47,062
Well, um...
1015
01:02:48,365 --> 01:02:50,165
I'll, uh...
1016
01:02:52,936 --> 01:02:57,739
I'll tell you what you
can "do me for," Mr. Lobel.
1017
01:03:02,513 --> 01:03:05,380
OF JINGLE BELLS PLAYING)
1018
01:03:09,019 --> 01:03:12,254
¶ Jingle bells, jingle bells
1019
01:03:12,256 --> 01:03:15,457
¶ Jingle all the way.
1020
01:03:15,459 --> 01:03:18,226
On the beach! On the beach!
1021
01:03:18,228 --> 01:03:20,862
¶ Jingle all the way
1022
01:03:20,864 --> 01:03:25,467
¶ We want to wish you
1023
01:03:25,469 --> 01:03:27,903
¶ A Merry Christmas
1024
01:03:27,905 --> 01:03:31,373
¶ We want to wish you
1025
01:03:32,543 --> 01:03:34,009
¶ A Merry Christmas
1026
01:03:34,011 --> 01:03:37,946
¶ We want to wish you
1027
01:03:37,948 --> 01:03:40,081
¶ A Merry Christmas
1028
01:03:40,083 --> 01:03:43,919
¶ We want to wish you
1029
01:03:43,921 --> 01:03:46,388
¶ A Merry Christmas ¶
1030
01:03:46,623 --> 01:03:48,356
I don't care
what she did to you.
1031
01:03:48,358 --> 01:03:50,892
It's dangerous to throw
things out of windows.
1032
01:03:50,894 --> 01:03:52,527
I completely agree.
1033
01:03:52,529 --> 01:03:56,264
Do you work here? I mean, excuse me,
but we are discussing office behavior.
1034
01:03:56,266 --> 01:04:01,236
Since you don't work here and we
do, at least for six more days,
1035
01:04:01,238 --> 01:04:02,704
you cannot participate.
1036
01:04:04,575 --> 01:04:08,743
Somebody's not in the
holiday mood, I guess.
1037
01:04:09,880 --> 01:04:11,179
Hello, Lifesavers.
I'm listening.
1038
01:04:11,181 --> 01:04:14,950
Is this Kentucky Fried Chicken?
1039
01:04:17,020 --> 01:04:18,720
The crazy person is back.
1040
01:04:18,722 --> 01:04:21,089
What do you want?
Do you have any breasts?
1041
01:04:21,091 --> 01:04:23,592
I forgot my cape.
1042
01:04:25,028 --> 01:04:27,362
That's who you were
dancing with?
1043
01:04:27,364 --> 01:04:28,396
She insults me too.
1044
01:04:28,398 --> 01:04:33,201
My God, if you don't have tits like
Dolly Parton, no one wants you.
1045
01:04:33,203 --> 01:04:35,704
Thanks for the memories!
1046
01:04:37,741 --> 01:04:39,674
Merry Christmas to all. Hello?
1047
01:04:39,676 --> 01:04:42,811
And to all a good night.
1048
01:04:45,249 --> 01:04:48,216
Oh, my God! Felix, what now?
1049
01:04:50,554 --> 01:04:54,589
Gracie, come back to me,
honey, please.
1050
01:04:54,591 --> 01:04:56,024
I can't live without you.
I love you.
1051
01:04:56,026 --> 01:04:59,294
You know what? We're in the
middle of dinner right now, okay?
1052
01:04:59,296 --> 01:05:02,130
- Put that toy down instantly!
- Toy?
1053
01:05:02,132 --> 01:05:04,432
You think this is a toy, huh?
1054
01:05:09,206 --> 01:05:13,041
Felix! What are you doing?
This is not funny!
1055
01:05:13,043 --> 01:05:14,009
You'll make him nervous.
1056
01:05:14,011 --> 01:05:16,411
All right, who wants
to be first, huh?
1057
01:05:16,413 --> 01:05:17,445
Who wants to be the hero?
1058
01:05:17,447 --> 01:05:18,947
Felix isn't such a bad guy.
He just gets upset.
1059
01:05:18,949 --> 01:05:22,050
Oh, right! Because you're
insane, that's why!
1060
01:05:22,052 --> 01:05:24,185
Wait till I get home with you!
1061
01:05:24,187 --> 01:05:28,023
Think about the baby!
I love you!
1062
01:05:29,960 --> 01:05:32,294
He loves you. He's just
having trouble expressing it.
1063
01:05:32,296 --> 01:05:32,961
Where you going?
1064
01:05:32,963 --> 01:05:36,031
Catherine, you're supposed
to be protecting me here!
1065
01:05:36,033 --> 01:05:37,165
Don't run away from me.
1066
01:05:37,167 --> 01:05:40,535
This person will
protect me, won't you?
1067
01:05:44,107 --> 01:05:47,275
So you're going to shoot
a pregnant woman?
1068
01:05:47,277 --> 01:05:49,778
No. I'm gonna shoot you.
1069
01:05:50,914 --> 01:05:52,948
Mr. Santa, listen to me.
1070
01:05:52,950 --> 01:05:57,752
I'm sure this young woman has plenty of
reason to hate you. In fact we all do.
1071
01:05:57,754 --> 01:06:02,290
But that's no reason to
shoot someone now, is it?
1072
01:06:02,592 --> 01:06:04,993
So, please...
1073
01:06:05,162 --> 01:06:07,829
Put the little pistol down.
1074
01:06:08,832 --> 01:06:10,565
No.
1075
01:06:14,037 --> 01:06:17,405
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Stop! Stop! Stop!
1076
01:06:21,979 --> 01:06:24,245
He shot my foot!
1077
01:06:24,548 --> 01:06:26,681
Felix, you are a maniac!
1078
01:06:26,683 --> 01:06:29,050
Everybody blames me
for everything.
1079
01:06:29,052 --> 01:06:30,685
I can't look. Am I bleeding?
1080
01:06:30,687 --> 01:06:33,254
Oh, my God, I'm going
to bleed to death.
1081
01:06:33,256 --> 01:06:33,922
Someone call my mother!
1082
01:06:33,924 --> 01:06:38,360
Don't touch me. I forbid you to touch me!
Just call a doctor.
1083
01:06:38,362 --> 01:06:39,995
Stop pointing that
gun at me! Stop!
1084
01:06:39,997 --> 01:06:42,964
Felix, we have to stop
playing with guns now.
1085
01:06:42,966 --> 01:06:46,835
Don't just take it.
You have to empty it.
1086
01:06:48,372 --> 01:06:51,606
Gracie, for God sakes, what are you doing?
Give me that!
1087
01:06:51,608 --> 01:06:53,008
I am emptying it!
1088
01:06:53,010 --> 01:06:54,409
Let go of it! I can't
believe you would do that!
1089
01:06:54,411 --> 01:06:57,178
I am sick of him!
He is a nut case!
1090
01:06:57,180 --> 01:07:00,315
Forget about it.
I am protecting us from him!
1091
01:07:26,510 --> 01:07:27,909
Yes?
1092
01:07:34,918 --> 01:07:37,552
It's Stanley. Who's Stanley?
1093
01:07:37,554 --> 01:07:38,853
Stanley Tannenbaum,
the landlord.
1094
01:07:38,855 --> 01:07:42,924
I called him to fix the elevator.
I completely forgot.
1095
01:07:42,926 --> 01:07:45,593
Oh, the elevator's fixed.
1096
01:07:46,129 --> 01:07:48,797
What's going on?
Is everyone dead?
1097
01:07:48,799 --> 01:07:50,665
Not everyone.
1098
01:08:11,021 --> 01:08:12,487
Hey, what's going on up there?
1099
01:08:12,489 --> 01:08:16,558
Just a teeny, tiny accident.
Just a weeny, wooney one.
1100
01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:19,394
Well, keep it down.
This isn't the fourth of July.
1101
01:08:19,396 --> 01:08:23,798
I know. I'm sorry.
Uh, it won't happen again.
1102
01:08:25,302 --> 01:08:28,536
We have to call the police.
1103
01:08:29,139 --> 01:08:33,908
Uh, dial 911.
That's their number.
1104
01:08:38,582 --> 01:08:40,982
They can't do anything.
He's dead!
1105
01:08:40,984 --> 01:08:42,784
Philip, I didn't mean to do it.
1106
01:08:42,786 --> 01:08:46,387
You're not going
to turn me in, are you?
1107
01:08:46,389 --> 01:08:48,256
You have reached
the Los Angeles Police.
1108
01:08:48,258 --> 01:08:52,093
Please hold on. Your call
is very important to us.
1109
01:08:53,763 --> 01:08:55,930
Oh, Philip,
is this the miracle?
1110
01:08:55,932 --> 01:09:00,835
The eviction will probably go through regardless.
This is not the miracle.
1111
01:09:01,972 --> 01:09:03,571
What about me?
1112
01:09:03,573 --> 01:09:05,940
Doesn't anyone care about me?
1113
01:09:05,942 --> 01:09:08,276
I'll take care of her.
1114
01:09:08,578 --> 01:09:10,245
I'm coming.
1115
01:09:10,247 --> 01:09:12,046
Catherine, are you okay?
1116
01:09:12,716 --> 01:09:17,385
I can't breathe. I'm
having trouble breathing.
1117
01:09:18,188 --> 01:09:20,255
I'm so cold.
1118
01:09:21,992 --> 01:09:24,726
Catherine? Catherine.
1119
01:09:24,828 --> 01:09:26,461
Catherine. Come on, come on.
I am so cold!
1120
01:09:26,463 --> 01:09:30,031
It's all right. Calm down. Here,
here, put your arms around me.
1121
01:09:30,033 --> 01:09:32,500
Come on. Hold on tight.
Everything's gonna be okay.
1122
01:09:32,502 --> 01:09:35,270
Just calm down. Up, easy.
Over the dead body.
1123
01:09:35,272 --> 01:09:38,773
Come on. That's good. Yeah, I've got you.
I've got you. Just relax.
1124
01:09:38,775 --> 01:09:39,974
I've got you. Come on.
1125
01:09:39,976 --> 01:09:43,344
Come on. I've got you.
I've got you.
1126
01:09:49,286 --> 01:09:51,619
Oh, my God!
1127
01:09:51,621 --> 01:09:54,622
Boy, that's just a little scratch.
It's nothing at all.
1128
01:09:54,624 --> 01:09:56,791
Oh, my God!
My foot is completely numb!
1129
01:09:56,793 --> 01:10:00,428
I can tell it's going to
be very painful soon!
1130
01:10:00,430 --> 01:10:03,598
Hmm. All right, I'll
get you some aspirin.
1131
01:10:03,600 --> 01:10:04,165
Thank you.
1132
01:10:04,167 --> 01:10:09,103
Or better yet, I'll get you
some Tylenol with the codeine.
1133
01:10:09,172 --> 01:10:11,272
Uh-uh, no. No, no, no, no.
1134
01:10:11,274 --> 01:10:14,609
Nuprin. That's the good stuff.
1135
01:10:16,513 --> 01:10:18,279
I got it. Ludens Cough Drops.
1136
01:10:18,281 --> 01:10:22,750
That'll be for me though.
I got a scratchy throat.
1137
01:10:24,521 --> 01:10:28,022
Just lean here, all right?
No, just lock your knees.
1138
01:10:28,024 --> 01:10:29,757
Now I'm gonna run you
a bath, all right?
1139
01:10:29,759 --> 01:10:33,461
Only this time, I'm gonna put in some
water and it'll make you feel better.
1140
01:10:33,463 --> 01:10:34,963
Okay.
1141
01:10:34,965 --> 01:10:41,436
Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?
1142
01:10:41,438 --> 01:10:44,939
I'm going to get gangrene.
1143
01:10:45,108 --> 01:10:47,709
Would someone
please bring me a bandage?
1144
01:10:47,711 --> 01:10:52,080
I'm not asking for the moon.
I'm just asking for a bandage.
1145
01:10:52,082 --> 01:10:58,319
All right. Now, just sit here, okay?
Okay? Are you all right? Okay.
1146
01:10:58,321 --> 01:11:01,756
Hello? Where are you?
1147
01:11:01,758 --> 01:11:05,960
No, no, please, I'll...
I'll just get it myself.
1148
01:11:23,513 --> 01:11:24,612
Your bandage.
1149
01:11:24,614 --> 01:11:27,048
Philip!
1150
01:11:27,183 --> 01:11:29,183
Oh, my God! You broke my nose!
1151
01:11:29,185 --> 01:11:30,285
Philip! What is it?
1152
01:11:30,287 --> 01:11:34,856
If you call the police, my baby's
going to be born in a jail!
1153
01:11:34,858 --> 01:11:36,958
Your baby won't
be born in jail.
1154
01:11:36,960 --> 01:11:39,527
My nose is my best feature!
1155
01:11:39,529 --> 01:11:40,395
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
1156
01:11:40,397 --> 01:11:43,631
Do you promise it won't
be born in a jail?
1157
01:11:43,633 --> 01:11:46,567
I promise!
1158
01:11:46,670 --> 01:11:49,604
My face is ruined!
1159
01:11:51,474 --> 01:11:52,707
Philip?
1160
01:11:52,709 --> 01:11:53,675
Here's your bandage!
1161
01:11:53,677 --> 01:11:57,979
- Hey, how's it going?
- Philip, help me!
1162
01:12:00,950 --> 01:12:04,786
Do you want Gracie
to help you get undressed?
1163
01:12:05,422 --> 01:12:09,190
Do you want me to help
you get undressed?
1164
01:12:33,783 --> 01:12:36,184
Something's happening.
1165
01:12:36,453 --> 01:12:40,355
My heart is racing and I'm
feeling all nervous and sick.
1166
01:12:40,357 --> 01:12:44,759
That's the way I've felt
since the day I met you.
1167
01:12:45,328 --> 01:12:47,462
Your sweater was
buttoned funny that day.
1168
01:12:47,464 --> 01:12:53,000
One side stuck up higher than the
other and poked up into your chin.
1169
01:12:53,002 --> 01:12:57,705
You remember that?
I'll never forget it.
1170
01:13:33,543 --> 01:13:37,478
What does it look like? No, don't tell me.
I don't want to know.
1171
01:13:37,480 --> 01:13:39,981
It's just a little
larger than usual.
1172
01:13:39,983 --> 01:13:42,950
Don't worry. The
swelling will go down.
1173
01:13:42,952 --> 01:13:48,156
It must be nice to have your
best feature be so prominent.
1174
01:13:48,324 --> 01:13:49,891
My best feature's my hands.
1175
01:13:49,893 --> 01:13:54,028
That's why I play ukulele. It gets
your hands right out there, you know?
1176
01:13:54,030 --> 01:13:56,497
Are you a professional
ukulele player?
1177
01:13:56,499 --> 01:13:59,434
Oh, no. I'm a writer.
1178
01:13:59,536 --> 01:14:02,403
What do you write? T-shirts.
1179
01:14:03,239 --> 01:14:04,639
Really?
1180
01:14:04,641 --> 01:14:07,175
I wrote, "Save the dolphins."
1181
01:14:08,378 --> 01:14:11,212
Excuse me. What do you
mean you wrote it?
1182
01:14:11,214 --> 01:14:16,284
I wasn't the first person to say it. I was
the first person to put it on a t-shirt.
1183
01:14:16,286 --> 01:14:17,752
Oh.
1184
01:14:17,821 --> 01:14:19,720
Did you do, "Life is a beach"?
1185
01:14:19,722 --> 01:14:20,188
Oh, I wish!
1186
01:14:20,190 --> 01:14:26,093
I met the guy who wrote that at a party.
He kind of snubbed me, you know?
1187
01:14:35,438 --> 01:14:40,741
We haven't been properly introduced.
My name's Louie.
1188
01:14:40,743 --> 01:14:42,376
Chris.
1189
01:14:43,746 --> 01:14:45,246
Chris.
1190
01:14:46,850 --> 01:14:49,517
¶ Oh, Chris.
1191
01:14:49,519 --> 01:14:55,022
¶ I wonder whether your name
starts with a "C" or a "K"
1192
01:14:55,024 --> 01:14:59,560
¶ I wonder if you have a skinny
Uncle Harry or a fat Aunt Fay.
1193
01:14:59,562 --> 01:15:05,666
¶ I wonder if you know how good
you look in those pantyhose.
1194
01:15:05,668 --> 01:15:08,736
¶ I wonder if you're happy
that I didn't mention anything.
1195
01:15:08,738 --> 01:15:11,606
¶ About the things
coming out of your nose.
1196
01:15:12,141 --> 01:15:17,678
¶ Oh, so many things
for me to wonder.
1197
01:15:19,716 --> 01:15:21,883
¶ I wonder if you... ¶
1198
01:15:31,327 --> 01:15:36,464
We could cut him up into pieces and
wrap him up as Christmas presents.
1199
01:15:36,466 --> 01:15:39,033
Who would we give them to?
1200
01:15:46,009 --> 01:15:50,545
Check the peephole!
There is no peephole.
1201
01:15:51,281 --> 01:15:53,781
Oh, how convenient.
1202
01:15:54,150 --> 01:15:56,717
Philip, it's Susan.
1203
01:15:57,520 --> 01:15:58,185
What is it?
1204
01:15:58,187 --> 01:16:00,955
I need to see Philip. I think
I've made a terrible mistake.
1205
01:16:00,957 --> 01:16:05,293
He's taking a bath with Catherine.
Would you like to wait?
1206
01:16:05,295 --> 01:16:05,693
No.
1207
01:16:05,695 --> 01:16:09,864
Good, 'cause there's enough
going on here as it is.
1208
01:16:14,504 --> 01:16:18,606
If only we could disguise
him as something.
1209
01:16:30,853 --> 01:16:34,622
¶ O, Christmas tree
1210
01:16:34,824 --> 01:16:38,192
¶ O, Christmas tree
1211
01:16:38,461 --> 01:16:45,600
¶ How lovely are thy branches ¶
1212
01:16:45,602 --> 01:16:51,772
Catherine was, uh, very distressed, so
naturally, I had to comfort her. Ah.
1213
01:16:55,878 --> 01:16:57,612
Where's Stanley?
1214
01:16:57,614 --> 01:17:01,315
Where is he?
What did you do with it?
1215
01:17:02,318 --> 01:17:04,385
He's in the tree.
1216
01:17:05,054 --> 01:17:07,021
In the tree?
1217
01:17:07,190 --> 01:17:08,255
He is the tree.
1218
01:17:08,257 --> 01:17:12,159
I wrapped him up
in those potato sacks.
1219
01:17:12,996 --> 01:17:13,527
Oh, my God.
1220
01:17:13,529 --> 01:17:16,631
They're burlap, which is really
itchy unless you're dead.
1221
01:17:16,633 --> 01:17:21,369
Me and Felix took branches off the
old tree and we just stuck 'em on.
1222
01:17:21,371 --> 01:17:22,603
- How?
- Superglue.
1223
01:17:22,605 --> 01:17:27,108
It's the most amazing invention, Catherine.
Pull on one of those branches.
1224
01:17:27,110 --> 01:17:31,278
I'm telling you, you could
chin yourself on this tree.
1225
01:17:31,280 --> 01:17:35,016
Fortunately, the guy
had a good posture.
1226
01:17:35,018 --> 01:17:37,318
I admire a man
with good posture.
1227
01:17:37,320 --> 01:17:40,221
Felix has lovely posture.
Thank you, honey.
1228
01:17:40,223 --> 01:17:42,223
It's just as well
we're going out of business!
1229
01:17:42,225 --> 01:17:45,359
I am totally incompetent!
I'm like Job!
1230
01:17:45,361 --> 01:17:45,961
Philip, really!
1231
01:17:45,962 --> 01:17:48,095
Well, then, all right,
I'm not like Job!
1232
01:17:48,097 --> 01:17:51,198
But look at me,
pretending to save lives.
1233
01:17:51,200 --> 01:17:53,401
There's nothing
in the refrigerator!
1234
01:17:53,403 --> 01:17:56,971
I couldn't save a life
if my life depended on it!
1235
01:17:56,973 --> 01:18:03,010
We have been here for six years, and
what do we have to show for it?
1236
01:18:03,246 --> 01:18:04,245
A dead body.
1237
01:18:04,247 --> 01:18:06,881
A dead body disguised
as a Christmas tree.
1238
01:18:06,883 --> 01:18:11,118
Thank you. Thank you
for reminding me.
1239
01:18:12,121 --> 01:18:12,720
I got a plan.
1240
01:18:12,722 --> 01:18:18,359
Felix always has a plan.
I am so proud of you, honey.
1241
01:18:20,863 --> 01:18:25,700
We take it downstairs. We
leave it on the boardwalk.
1242
01:18:31,941 --> 01:18:33,407
That's it? Yeah.
1243
01:18:33,409 --> 01:18:35,910
That is not
really a plan, Felix.
1244
01:18:35,912 --> 01:18:37,478
What's wrong with it?
1245
01:18:37,480 --> 01:18:40,881
A plan is supposed
to have more than one part.
1246
01:18:40,883 --> 01:18:41,649
It's supposed to go like,
1247
01:18:41,651 --> 01:18:44,318
"First, we do this, and then we
do this, and then we do this."
1248
01:18:44,320 --> 01:18:47,121
I don't appreciate you
talking to Felix this way.
1249
01:18:47,123 --> 01:18:50,324
We're just trying to help
you out here, Philip.
1250
01:18:50,326 --> 01:18:53,060
Yeah. You want a plan?
1251
01:18:53,062 --> 01:18:54,195
First we take it downstairs.
1252
01:18:54,197 --> 01:18:58,099
Then we leave it on the boardwalk.
Then we go home.
1253
01:18:58,101 --> 01:18:59,834
We just leave it standing
like the city put it there.
1254
01:18:59,836 --> 01:19:01,702
In a couple of days,
nobody will notice.
1255
01:19:01,704 --> 01:19:03,437
And when the city
takes it down?
1256
01:19:03,439 --> 01:19:05,239
We're outta there!
1257
01:19:05,241 --> 01:19:07,708
What's going on?
Something wrong?
1258
01:19:07,710 --> 01:19:08,442
Nothing at all.
1259
01:19:08,444 --> 01:19:10,144
Felix and Gracie have turned the
landlord into a Christmas tree.
1260
01:19:10,146 --> 01:19:13,214
Now we are going to take it
down leave it on the boardwalk.
1261
01:19:13,216 --> 01:19:16,517
Now that's a good plan.
We'll help you.
1262
01:19:16,786 --> 01:19:21,088
Be careful now. Don't let
the branches fall off.
1263
01:19:21,090 --> 01:19:21,956
What about Stanley's bag?
1264
01:19:21,958 --> 01:19:25,059
We'll leave it under the tree
and let somebody swipe it.
1265
01:19:25,061 --> 01:19:27,328
Only some of us should go. We
don't want to attract attention.
1266
01:19:27,330 --> 01:19:30,397
I'm with you. I'm going!
Okay, the two of us.
1267
01:19:30,399 --> 01:19:32,900
We want to go too.
Yeah, we made it.
1268
01:19:32,902 --> 01:19:35,603
Okay, four. I'd like to go.
1269
01:19:35,605 --> 01:19:37,471
I promise not to
attract any attention.
1270
01:19:37,473 --> 01:19:38,806
All right, six, but that's it.
1271
01:19:38,808 --> 01:19:40,841
Now, we should
try to act jolly.
1272
01:19:40,843 --> 01:19:42,409
I'll sing.
1273
01:19:42,411 --> 01:19:45,112
¶ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly.
1274
01:19:45,114 --> 01:19:47,281
¶ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la.
1275
01:19:47,283 --> 01:19:49,617
¶ 'Tis the season to be jolly.
1276
01:19:49,619 --> 01:19:52,887
¶ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la.
1277
01:19:52,889 --> 01:19:55,022
¶ Don we now our gay apparel.
1278
01:19:55,024 --> 01:19:57,324
¶ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la.
1279
01:19:57,326 --> 01:20:00,194
¶ Troll the ancient
Yuletide carol.
1280
01:20:00,196 --> 01:20:03,864
¶ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la.
1281
01:20:03,866 --> 01:20:05,966
¶ Hey ¶
1282
01:20:06,235 --> 01:20:08,869
¶ If you get
all weird this Christmas.
1283
01:20:08,871 --> 01:20:11,205
¶ Scooby-Dooby-Doo
pop-pop-fizz-fizz.
1284
01:20:11,207 --> 01:20:13,707
¶ We could really
use your business.
1285
01:20:13,709 --> 01:20:16,243
¶ Scooby-Dooby-Doo
Let's eat Cheez Whiz.
1286
01:20:16,245 --> 01:20:19,980
¶ Sit in a garage
and turn on the ignition... ¶
1287
01:20:19,982 --> 01:20:21,816
Philip! Catherine!
1288
01:20:21,818 --> 01:20:22,516
Merry Christmas.
1289
01:20:22,518 --> 01:20:24,418
Are you dismantling
the office already?
1290
01:20:24,420 --> 01:20:26,787
Exactly where are you
going with our tree?
1291
01:20:26,789 --> 01:20:29,490
It's not our tree.
Really, it's not.
1292
01:20:29,492 --> 01:20:31,225
It is, too, our tree.
1293
01:20:31,227 --> 01:20:34,328
I recognize the red
cellophane thingy.
1294
01:20:34,330 --> 01:20:34,962
The dogs.
1295
01:20:34,964 --> 01:20:37,765
Keep those mutts away
from my tree, please.
1296
01:20:38,734 --> 01:20:40,534
May I? By all means, Blanche.
1297
01:20:40,536 --> 01:20:44,605
Here, doggies. Here, doggies.
There's a good girl.
1298
01:20:44,607 --> 01:20:48,709
Come to Mommy.
Yeah, what a good girl.
1299
01:20:49,145 --> 01:20:51,212
They definitely did it.
1300
01:20:51,214 --> 01:20:54,281
¶ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly.
1301
01:20:54,283 --> 01:20:56,483
¶ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la.
1302
01:20:56,485 --> 01:21:00,855
¶ Deck the halls
with balls of holly.
1303
01:21:00,857 --> 01:21:03,624
¶ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la.
1304
01:21:03,626 --> 01:21:08,262
¶ 'Tis the season to be jolly.
1305
01:21:08,264 --> 01:21:11,765
¶ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la.
1306
01:21:11,767 --> 01:21:15,603
¶ Don we now our gay apparel.
1307
01:21:16,439 --> 01:21:21,442
¶ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la.
1308
01:21:22,478 --> 01:21:25,212
¶ Follow me in merry measure.
1309
01:21:25,214 --> 01:21:27,181
¶ Fa-la-la la-la la la-la-la.
1310
01:21:27,183 --> 01:21:30,985
¶ While I tell of
Yuletide treasure ¶
1311
01:21:31,387 --> 01:21:34,054
Oh, my God!
It's the rollerbladers!
1312
01:21:34,056 --> 01:21:36,123
It's them!
It's the tree haters!
1313
01:21:36,125 --> 01:21:38,158
- Oh, no they are back!
- Let's get them!
1314
01:21:38,160 --> 01:21:40,895
Your tree is history!
Payback time!
1315
01:21:40,897 --> 01:21:41,595
Watch out!
1316
01:21:41,597 --> 01:21:42,963
Other way, other way,
other way!
1317
01:21:42,965 --> 01:21:46,533
You ruined our Christmas!
No! Don't!
1318
01:21:47,136 --> 01:21:47,636
Look out!
1319
01:21:47,637 --> 01:21:51,538
Merry Christmas from Doug
and Carol Ferguson!
1320
01:21:51,540 --> 01:21:53,040
Whoa!
1321
01:22:02,184 --> 01:22:05,152
¶ Oh, Tannenbaum
1322
01:22:05,154 --> 01:22:10,090
¶ Oh, Tannenbaum, oh
1323
01:22:10,092 --> 01:22:12,993
¶ How lovely are
1324
01:22:12,995 --> 01:22:15,963
¶ Are thy branches ¶
1325
01:22:22,271 --> 01:22:25,639
We've got one dead body
at 517 Ocean Park Walk.
1326
01:22:25,641 --> 01:22:28,876
Request for the coroner and
Homicide Unit to respond.
1327
01:22:30,279 --> 01:22:32,646
Okay, what happened?
1328
01:22:34,283 --> 01:22:36,250
Who is this?
1329
01:22:37,353 --> 01:22:40,220
Come on. Who knows
what happened?
1330
01:22:41,524 --> 01:22:43,223
I do.
1331
01:22:44,126 --> 01:22:45,526
Our landlord,
Stanley Tannenbaum,
1332
01:22:45,528 --> 01:22:50,197
has committed suicide out of guilt
over his condominium conversion.
1333
01:22:50,199 --> 01:22:52,366
And these two people, these
two incompetent people,
1334
01:22:52,368 --> 01:22:57,838
but never mind, were so tormented that
they could not prevent a suicide,
1335
01:22:57,840 --> 01:23:01,709
that they tried
to hide it from the world.
1336
01:23:02,545 --> 01:23:06,814
Actually, uh, that's
not what happened.
1337
01:23:06,949 --> 01:23:08,549
Obviously.
1338
01:23:09,051 --> 01:23:11,485
What happened was...
1339
01:23:11,687 --> 01:23:18,559
It was Christmas Eve, and Felix
just happened to drop by
1340
01:23:18,828 --> 01:23:20,761
with his gun.
1341
01:23:20,763 --> 01:23:23,197
Who is Felix?
1342
01:23:26,135 --> 01:23:29,770
All right, I'm Felix. I did it.
1343
01:23:29,772 --> 01:23:33,507
Okay, Felix, spread your legs, put
your hands behind your back. Let's go.
1344
01:23:33,509 --> 01:23:37,277
Just because he's an ex-con,
you blame it on Felix.
1345
01:23:37,279 --> 01:23:41,648
Well, Officer, here's your big murder weapon.
Don't, Gracie.
1346
01:23:41,650 --> 01:23:43,851
I did it!
No, no, Gracie, you can't!
1347
01:23:43,853 --> 01:23:46,353
Felix! Stop!
1348
01:24:00,636 --> 01:24:04,171
Santa! Mommy, it's Santa!
1349
01:24:05,141 --> 01:24:07,408
Felix, what are you doing?
1350
01:24:07,410 --> 01:24:09,710
I can't live
without you, Gracie!
1351
01:24:09,712 --> 01:24:13,347
If you go to jail,
I might as well be dead!
1352
01:24:13,916 --> 01:24:15,482
Everybody move back!
1353
01:24:15,484 --> 01:24:20,554
Move back immediately! We have
a very dangerous condition!
1354
01:24:20,556 --> 01:24:21,922
Felix, it was an accident!
1355
01:24:21,924 --> 01:24:24,324
They're not gonna convict me.
Now come down!
1356
01:24:24,326 --> 01:24:31,031
Well, what if they do? I can't take a
chance on the criminal justice system!
1357
01:24:31,033 --> 01:24:34,701
I went to jail for nothing!
They could do it to you!
1358
01:24:34,703 --> 01:24:36,437
No! No, stop!
1359
01:24:36,439 --> 01:24:40,841
Philip, you've got to do something!
You've got to save him!
1360
01:24:40,843 --> 01:24:45,779
Felix, I just want you to know, I forgive
you for shooting me in the foot.
1361
01:24:45,781 --> 01:24:49,016
I don't care! Okay.
1362
01:24:49,919 --> 01:24:52,820
Felix, stop! Listen to me!
1363
01:24:56,559 --> 01:24:59,693
Don't you want to spend
Christmas with your baby?
1364
01:24:59,695 --> 01:25:04,098
Don't you want to see him
open his first present?
1365
01:25:05,534 --> 01:25:09,036
What was your
first present, Felix?
1366
01:25:09,572 --> 01:25:11,371
Hubcaps.
1367
01:25:11,774 --> 01:25:12,873
Huh.
1368
01:25:12,875 --> 01:25:15,976
Now I can't even
afford hubcaps!
1369
01:25:15,978 --> 01:25:19,346
Felix, you know something?
1370
01:25:19,548 --> 01:25:21,882
You're not upset
because you're broke.
1371
01:25:21,884 --> 01:25:24,318
I'm not? No.
1372
01:25:24,320 --> 01:25:25,719
You're not upset
because you're an artist
1373
01:25:25,721 --> 01:25:29,490
who may never have any place
to paint as long as you live.
1374
01:25:29,492 --> 01:25:31,658
- I'm not?
- No.
1375
01:25:32,128 --> 01:25:35,028
And you're not upset
because the woman you love
1376
01:25:35,030 --> 01:25:39,133
may go to jail
for a very long time.
1377
01:25:39,135 --> 01:25:41,135
I'm not?
1378
01:25:41,137 --> 01:25:42,669
No.
1379
01:25:43,339 --> 01:25:46,773
You're upset
because it's Christmas.
1380
01:25:46,775 --> 01:25:51,778
Christmas is a time when you look at
your life through a magnifying glass,
1381
01:25:51,780 --> 01:25:55,549
and whatever you don't have
feels overwhelming.
1382
01:25:55,551 --> 01:25:59,853
Being alone is so much
lonelier at Christmas.
1383
01:25:59,855 --> 01:26:04,958
Everything sad is so much
sadder at Christmas.
1384
01:26:04,960 --> 01:26:05,926
You can't give in
to this, Felix!
1385
01:26:05,928 --> 01:26:09,062
I thought today was going to
be the worst day of my life,
1386
01:26:09,064 --> 01:26:12,699
but, then, something wonderful
and unexpected happened!
1387
01:26:12,701 --> 01:26:15,669
First, something horrible
and unexpected happened.
1388
01:26:15,671 --> 01:26:18,939
Actually, three horrible and
unexpected things happened,
1389
01:26:18,941 --> 01:26:22,009
but then something wonderful.
1390
01:26:24,680 --> 01:26:26,613
The holidays
aren't over yet, Felix.
1391
01:26:26,615 --> 01:26:32,152
They're not over for you, and they're
not over for Gracie. Who knows?
1392
01:26:32,321 --> 01:26:36,723
Who knows? There's
magic at Christmas.
1393
01:26:36,725 --> 01:26:42,362
And I'll bet, if you come
down, you'll find that out.
1394
01:26:47,703 --> 01:26:50,938
I love you, Felix!
1395
01:26:55,377 --> 01:26:58,212
I love you so much, Gracie!
1396
01:27:01,450 --> 01:27:05,752
Come on down, Felix.
It's almost midnight.
1397
01:27:21,937 --> 01:27:23,937
Bravo!
1398
01:27:32,381 --> 01:27:35,015
We'll have a van here
in a few minutes.
1399
01:27:35,017 --> 01:27:38,151
We'll take you all down to
the station for questioning.
1400
01:27:38,153 --> 01:27:41,488
This bag belongs to Stanley.
1401
01:27:50,499 --> 01:27:51,298
Brian.
1402
01:27:51,300 --> 01:27:54,768
What have you got here, Rizzo?
Whoa!
1403
01:27:54,770 --> 01:27:57,638
FP-242, notify watch
commander, please.
1404
01:27:57,640 --> 01:28:01,174
Where'd you get this?
Take a guess.
1405
01:28:02,378 --> 01:28:04,144
Gracie Barzini?
1406
01:28:04,146 --> 01:28:09,483
Yes. I'm ready. You
can take me away now.
1407
01:28:09,485 --> 01:28:14,821
Congratulations. You have
killed the Seaside Strangler.
1408
01:28:15,457 --> 01:28:17,224
What?
1409
01:28:17,326 --> 01:28:18,992
Fishing twine and kelp.
1410
01:28:18,994 --> 01:28:21,061
Oh, my God, you're kidding me!
1411
01:28:21,063 --> 01:28:22,362
Stanley's the Strangler?
1412
01:28:22,364 --> 01:28:24,364
I killed the Seaside Strangler!
1413
01:28:24,366 --> 01:28:26,600
How brilliant is that,
Catherine?
1414
01:28:26,602 --> 01:28:27,934
Isn't there a reward?
1415
01:28:27,936 --> 01:28:31,305
There's a $250,000 reward.
1416
01:28:37,680 --> 01:28:39,746
I'm the luckiest girl
in the world!
1417
01:28:39,748 --> 01:28:45,485
Philip, I could pay for your moving expenses.
How much do you need?
1418
01:28:45,487 --> 01:28:47,721
Only $5,000!
1419
01:28:47,723 --> 01:28:50,023
$5,000?
1420
01:28:51,327 --> 01:28:53,126
Oh, fine!
1421
01:28:53,128 --> 01:28:56,096
Oh, I'm so happy! This is great!
We're back in business!
1422
01:28:56,098 --> 01:29:02,402
Thank you! Thank you! What can I give you?
How can I possibly thank you?
1423
01:29:02,404 --> 01:29:03,904
I know.
1424
01:29:07,009 --> 01:29:09,676
Fruitcake. I'm rich!
1425
01:29:09,678 --> 01:29:13,780
I'm rich! I'm rich!
Rich girl! Rich girl!
1426
01:29:13,782 --> 01:29:17,117
- Oh, my God!
- What is it?
1427
01:29:17,119 --> 01:29:17,651
Oh, my goodness!
1428
01:29:17,653 --> 01:29:19,553
What's the matter, honey?
My water just broke!
1429
01:29:19,555 --> 01:29:22,656
You're just going into labor.
We have plenty of time.
1430
01:29:22,658 --> 01:29:23,523
No, I'm having it!
1431
01:29:23,525 --> 01:29:25,826
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure!
1432
01:29:25,828 --> 01:29:29,396
Philip? Dr. Kinsky.
Dr. Kinsky'll help us!
1433
01:29:29,398 --> 01:29:29,896
What?
1434
01:29:29,898 --> 01:29:31,231
She's having a baby!
I'm having a baby!
1435
01:29:31,233 --> 01:29:35,402
Uh, bring her over by the tree!
By the tree!
1436
01:29:35,404 --> 01:29:36,470
Officer, could you please help?
1437
01:29:36,472 --> 01:29:40,407
Here, here. Wait a minute!
Lift up my leg, you moron!
1438
01:29:40,409 --> 01:29:44,644
Out of the way! Out of the way!
Out of the way!
1439
01:29:44,646 --> 01:29:48,982
Get out of the way! All right,
put her down right here.
1440
01:29:49,385 --> 01:29:50,951
Here!
1441
01:29:51,353 --> 01:29:54,121
Okay, okay, you're doing great.
1442
01:29:54,123 --> 01:29:56,590
I'm having it!
I know, I know. Just relax.
1443
01:29:56,592 --> 01:29:58,692
Take it easy.
Everything's gonna be fine.
1444
01:29:58,694 --> 01:29:59,426
It's gonna come out, right?
1445
01:29:59,428 --> 01:30:02,529
No, no, no. It's gonna come out. You're doing great.
You're in good hands.
1446
01:30:02,531 --> 01:30:04,998
I've done this hundreds
and hundreds of times.
1447
01:30:05,000 --> 01:30:06,833
Aren't you a veterinarian?
1448
01:30:06,835 --> 01:30:10,070
Yes, but it's
the same basic concept.
1449
01:30:10,539 --> 01:30:12,506
Okay, relax and breathe.
I'm not relaxed!
1450
01:30:12,508 --> 01:30:13,940
Then just
be anxious and breathe.
1451
01:30:13,942 --> 01:30:16,576
Breathe deep! That's it. Okay.
It's starting to come!
1452
01:30:16,578 --> 01:30:19,713
It's starting to come!
Okay, more breathing.
1453
01:30:19,715 --> 01:30:20,814
You're telling me!
1454
01:30:20,816 --> 01:30:22,015
All right, here we go!
All right, here we...
1455
01:30:22,017 --> 01:30:24,317
Another contraction, and then
give me another big push!
1456
01:30:24,319 --> 01:30:27,788
Big push! There we go!
Look, I can see...
1457
01:30:27,790 --> 01:30:30,223
Would you shut up?
Just trying to help.
1458
01:30:30,225 --> 01:30:32,859
All right, you give
me another big push.
1459
01:30:35,364 --> 01:30:40,100
The head is starting to come. It's starting to come.
Breathe a little deeper.
1460
01:30:40,102 --> 01:30:44,304
Oh, my God!
1461
01:30:44,306 --> 01:30:46,306
No!
1462
01:31:03,091 --> 01:31:04,925
Yeah.
1463
01:31:13,068 --> 01:31:15,135
It's Christmas.
1464
01:31:17,439 --> 01:31:21,107
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
1465
01:31:21,109 --> 01:31:23,243
Merry Christmas.
1466
01:31:36,158 --> 01:31:39,392
What shall we do for Christmas?
1467
01:31:39,561 --> 01:31:42,729
I don't know. What shall we do?
1468
01:31:45,968 --> 01:31:48,502
Let's get married.
1469
01:31:51,507 --> 01:31:54,007
This is the miracle.
1470
01:31:56,311 --> 01:31:59,145
Merry Christmas!
1471
01:32:00,015 --> 01:32:03,183
Merry Christmas!
1472
01:32:04,720 --> 01:32:06,186
Merry Christmas!
1473
01:32:06,188 --> 01:32:07,621
(THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
1474
01:32:07,623 --> 01:32:11,391
¶ Children carry
through the streets
1475
01:32:11,393 --> 01:32:14,828
¶ A brightly painted star
1476
01:32:14,830 --> 01:32:18,932
¶ Angels gather
'round the hearth
1477
01:32:18,934 --> 01:32:22,369
¶ Strumming on guitars
1478
01:32:22,371 --> 01:32:25,305
¶ Men of great renown and faith
1479
01:32:25,307 --> 01:32:29,075
¶ Say prayers on boulevards
1480
01:32:29,077 --> 01:32:34,281
¶ It's the night
before Christmas
1481
01:32:34,283 --> 01:32:38,685
¶ But you don't have
to be an angel
1482
01:32:38,687 --> 01:32:41,555
¶ To sing harmony
1483
01:32:41,557 --> 01:32:45,492
¶ And you don't have
to be a child
1484
01:32:45,494 --> 01:32:48,562
¶ To love the mystery
1485
01:32:48,564 --> 01:32:53,767
¶ And you don't have
to be a wise man
1486
01:32:53,769 --> 01:32:56,202
¶ On bended knee
1487
01:32:56,204 --> 01:33:00,540
¶ The heart of this Christmas
1488
01:33:00,542 --> 01:33:04,311
¶ Is in you and me
1489
01:33:04,313 --> 01:33:07,347
¶ The night
1490
01:33:07,349 --> 01:33:11,151
¶ Before Christmas
1491
01:33:11,153 --> 01:33:17,891
¶ The night before Christmas
1492
01:33:18,226 --> 01:33:21,227
¶ If your heart's been longing
1493
01:33:21,229 --> 01:33:25,665
¶ And you've been afraid to try
1494
01:33:25,667 --> 01:33:28,368
¶ If sorrow's kept you company
1495
01:33:28,370 --> 01:33:32,238
¶ And the dance
has passed you by
1496
01:33:32,240 --> 01:33:36,343
¶ I'll lift you up
and blaze with you
1497
01:33:36,345 --> 01:33:39,479
¶ Across the moonlit sky
1498
01:33:39,481 --> 01:33:44,317
¶ On the night before Christmas
1499
01:33:44,786 --> 01:33:48,922
¶ Because you don't have
to be an angel
1500
01:33:48,924 --> 01:33:51,725
¶ To sing harmony
1501
01:33:51,727 --> 01:33:55,228
¶ And you don't have
to be a child
1502
01:33:55,230 --> 01:33:58,765
¶ To love the mystery ¶ Mystery
1503
01:33:58,767 --> 01:34:03,503
¶ And you don't have
to be a wise man
1504
01:34:03,505 --> 01:34:06,239
¶ On bended knee
1505
01:34:06,241 --> 01:34:09,909
¶ The heart of this Christmas
1506
01:34:09,911 --> 01:34:14,014
¶ Is in you and me
1507
01:34:14,016 --> 01:34:18,318
¶ The heart of this Christmas
1508
01:34:18,320 --> 01:34:21,488
¶ Is in you
1509
01:34:21,490 --> 01:34:24,224
¶ And me
1510
01:34:29,965 --> 01:34:33,833
¶ The night
1511
01:34:33,835 --> 01:34:37,103
¶ Before Christmas
1512
01:34:37,105 --> 01:34:39,873
¶ The night
1513
01:34:39,875 --> 01:34:43,109
¶ Before Christmas
1514
01:34:43,945 --> 01:34:47,347
¶ The night before Christmas
1515
01:34:47,349 --> 01:34:50,417
¶ And all through the house
1516
01:34:50,419 --> 01:34:54,387
¶ Not a creature
was stirring the night
1517
01:34:54,389 --> 01:34:58,258
¶ Not even a mouse ¶
1518
01:35:03,231 --> 01:35:06,533
¶ Christmas Eve I'm waitin'
1519
01:35:06,535 --> 01:35:09,469
¶ Saint Nick I ain't fadin'
1520
01:35:09,471 --> 01:35:12,505
¶ This year No slackin'
1521
01:35:12,507 --> 01:35:15,508
¶ Your case I'm crackin'
1522
01:35:15,510 --> 01:35:18,445
¶ Them milk and cookies
ain't caught you yet
1523
01:35:18,447 --> 01:35:21,681
¶ Got a little something
special by the TV set
1524
01:35:21,683 --> 01:35:24,984
¶ Good news Hey, Santa
1525
01:35:24,986 --> 01:35:27,987
¶ Cashews and pecans
1526
01:35:27,989 --> 01:35:30,957
¶ Hooray, hosanna
1527
01:35:30,959 --> 01:35:34,160
¶ Santa can't resist
those mixed nuts
1528
01:35:34,162 --> 01:35:37,130
¶ Chick-peas, split peas
chestnuts, Chinese
1529
01:35:37,132 --> 01:35:40,233
¶ Pine nuts, peanuts
and pistachios
1530
01:35:40,235 --> 01:35:43,136
¶ No nog, no turkey
1531
01:35:43,138 --> 01:35:46,239
¶ Just beer nuts and beef jerky
1532
01:35:46,241 --> 01:35:49,175
¶ Tastes good So salty
1533
01:35:49,177 --> 01:35:52,011
¶ With something cold and malty
1534
01:35:52,013 --> 01:35:54,714
¶ All the fellas at work
say I'm out of my mind
1535
01:35:54,716 --> 01:35:58,284
¶ But if I stay awake
I'm gonna get you this time
1536
01:35:58,286 --> 01:36:01,554
¶ Good news Hey, Santa
1537
01:36:01,556 --> 01:36:04,591
¶ Cashews and pecans
1538
01:36:04,593 --> 01:36:07,494
¶ Hooray, hosanna
1539
01:36:07,496 --> 01:36:10,463
¶ Santa can't resist
those mixed nuts
1540
01:36:10,465 --> 01:36:13,600
¶ Acorns, almonds
Barcelona, Amazons
1541
01:36:13,602 --> 01:36:16,603
¶ Black Carpathians,
Giant Macadamia
1542
01:36:16,605 --> 01:36:19,506
¶ I wake up kind of dimly
1543
01:36:19,508 --> 01:36:22,375
¶ See a boot
scootin' up the chimney
1544
01:36:22,377 --> 01:36:25,445
¶ Jump up and try to pull it
1545
01:36:25,447 --> 01:36:28,414
¶ Disappears
faster than a bullet
1546
01:36:28,416 --> 01:36:31,184
¶ Six empty jars
layin' on the floor
1547
01:36:31,186 --> 01:36:34,754
¶ Next Christmas Eve
there'll be ten times more
1548
01:36:34,756 --> 01:36:38,057
¶ Good news Hey, Santa
1549
01:36:38,059 --> 01:36:41,127
¶ Cashews and pecans
1550
01:36:41,129 --> 01:36:44,030
¶ Hooray, hosanna
1551
01:36:44,032 --> 01:36:46,933
¶ Santa can't resist
those mixed nuts
1552
01:36:46,935 --> 01:36:50,270
¶ Good news Hey, Santa
1553
01:36:50,272 --> 01:36:53,273
¶ Cashews and pecans
1554
01:36:53,275 --> 01:36:56,209
¶ Hooray, hosanna
1555
01:36:56,211 --> 01:37:00,180
¶ Santa can't resist
those nuts ¶