1 00:00:02,988 --> 00:00:04,421 Raul Hernandez? Yeah... 2 00:00:04,471 --> 00:00:07,814 Got the delivery here for your next show. Oh, great, whatcha got? 3 00:00:07,856 --> 00:00:13,966 Let's see... I got an ardvork, a flamingo, 4 00:00:14,017 --> 00:00:16,680 four porcupines, two armadillos, three badgers... 5 00:00:17,690 --> 00:00:21,523 Badgers?! Badgers?!! 6 00:00:21,574 --> 00:00:25,211 We don't need no stinking badgers!!! 7 00:00:50,878 --> 00:00:53,950 LIFE MEANS NOTHING WITHOUTH YOU I LOVE YOU 8 00:01:04,991 --> 00:01:08,108 Never before in the history of motion pictures 9 00:01:08,158 --> 00:01:11,538 has there been a screen presence so commanding 10 00:01:11,589 --> 00:01:13,283 ...so powerful 11 00:01:13,333 --> 00:01:14,675 ...so deadly 12 00:01:15,723 --> 00:01:17,920 ...He's CONAN THE LIBRARIAN!" 13 00:01:18,565 --> 00:01:21,841 Can you tell me where I could find a book on astronomy? 14 00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,406 Don't you know... 15 00:01:27,456 --> 00:01:30,031 THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM? 16 00:01:30,216 --> 00:01:32,417 Conan the Librarian... 17 00:01:33,345 --> 00:01:36,336 I'm sorry, these books are a little overdue... 18 00:01:38,235 --> 00:01:44,063 Conan the Librarian Tonight, only on U62. 19 00:01:46,525 --> 00:01:53,995 This is a very good watermelon. Tastes like poop. 20 00:01:54,045 --> 00:01:56,917 I'm gonna, I'm gonna eat some corn flakes. 21 00:01:57,817 --> 00:02:04,788 This are good... OH! Free toy inside, free toy inside. 22 00:02:04,983 --> 00:02:07,045 Lets' find it. 23 00:02:08,223 --> 00:02:13,075 Don't let you're mom know that you do this, but I want to find the toy. 24 00:02:13,125 --> 00:02:18,031 NAME THAT STAIN - THE YOUNG AND THE DYSLEXIC - WONDERFUL WORLD OF FLEGM - THAT'S DISGUSTING 25 00:02:18,081 --> 00:02:23,926 Oh look, it's a toy man. It's a toy man. Hey wanna go for a ride? 'oh boy is it fun. 'Here, I'll just tie this around you're 26 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:28,541 waste.'no no just wait a minute," No no, I'll show you. 'no wait, I don't want to go for a 27 00:02:28,591 --> 00:02:35,802 ride.AHHHHHHHHHH! Stop! Stop! AHHHHH! 'Wasn't that fun?'No! Stop! I'm 28 00:02:35,853 --> 00:02:39,001 dizzy.' No, lets go again. 'AHHHHHHH' 29 00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:43,063 Okay, how's this for our new Friday line-up... 30 00:02:43,113 --> 00:02:48,099 Eight o'clock, 'Druids On Parade,' then 'The Volcano Worshippers' Hour' 31 00:02:48,150 --> 00:02:53,027 followed by 'Underwater Bingo For Teens' and... 'Fun With Dirt.' 32 00:02:53,077 --> 00:02:55,507 Why not. 33 00:02:55,557 --> 00:02:59,229 Oh, and get this... I got a call this morning from 34 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:05,831 a guy who says he can swallow his own face! Can you believe that? I.. Bob? Whatcha got there? 35 00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:10,460 The ratings. Don't tell me we actually showed up on the list... 36 00:03:10,511 --> 00:03:11,886 We're number one. 37 00:03:13,016 --> 00:03:14,164 Say what? 38 00:03:16,156 --> 00:03:20,871 We beat out the networks. This is unbelievable. Look at these numbers. 39 00:03:20,921 --> 00:03:24,409 We've got three shows in the top five. 40 00:03:24,460 --> 00:03:28,895 "Stanley Spadowski's Clubhouse" went through the roof! He got a sixty share! Do you know what this means? 41 00:03:28,945 --> 00:03:31,822 We're going to make some real money! 42 00:03:31,872 --> 00:03:35,356 George... we're the number one station in town! 43 00:03:37,428 --> 00:03:41,851 There's lots of fun coming your way this weekend on U62. 44 00:03:41,901 --> 00:03:46,133 First, slam your way to health as you 'Stay Fit!' with Mike and Spike. 45 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:51,778 Next, every bodies favorite. Chef Bernie invites you to go 'Bowling for Burgers.' 46 00:03:51,828 --> 00:03:53,480 Sunday...Be a part of the excitement as 47 00:03:53,530 --> 00:03:57,252 we premiere our dazzling new game show, 'Strip Solitaire!' 48 00:03:57,302 --> 00:03:59,664 And then, join us for 49 00:03:59,715 --> 00:04:03,052 some hilarious fun on the all new practical jokes and bloopers. 50 00:04:03,102 --> 00:04:06,855 And you won't want to miss 'Celebrity Mud Wrestling,' with this week's special 51 00:04:06,905 --> 00:04:09,098 guest, Michel Gorbavich. 52 00:04:10,857 --> 00:04:15,815 It's a whole new weekend on U62. The reason Television was invented. 53 00:04:15,865 --> 00:04:18,838 Be there! Yah 54 00:04:23,966 --> 00:04:29,170 This is indeed a sad day for Channel 8. We've been number one in this 55 00:04:29,220 --> 00:04:32,630 town for the past ten years and now our sponsors are 56 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:36,911 pulling their accounts... we're losing valuable advertising 57 00:04:36,962 --> 00:04:42,512 revenue...we're losing credibility in the market... and why? 58 00:04:42,562 --> 00:04:49,192 Because of some fly-by-night UHF station. A UHF station! 59 00:04:49,243 --> 00:04:52,162 This is an embarrassment. A disgrace! 60 00:04:52,212 --> 00:04:56,910 What do you think R.J. Fletcher Sr. would saying if he were alive today? 61 00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:02,248 Help! Let me outta this box! I can't breath in here! Help! Lemme out... 62 00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:15,173 We've got to do something. We've got to do it fast. Who owns that station anyway? 63 00:05:32,860 --> 00:05:37,744 Yodf!... Hey, Big Louie! What's happin' Bad news, Mr. Bilchik. 64 00:05:37,761 --> 00:05:41,021 None of your horses came in. Oh, that's to bad. 65 00:05:41,965 --> 00:05:45,241 So, a, what's the damage? 66 00:05:45,291 --> 00:05:47,577 Seventy-five thousand dollars. 67 00:05:52,871 --> 00:05:56,986 Uh... excuse me, Louie, I think I got some water in the phone here. 68 00:05:57,485 --> 00:05:58,789 How much was that again? 69 00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:05,203 Seventy-five thousand dollars. I'll be expecting payment in 2 days. 70 00:06:05,253 --> 00:06:11,863 Two days?! Listen, Louie... I might need a little more time... 71 00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:18,090 Friday night. Ten o'clock. Seventy-five thousand... in cash. 72 00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:27,612 I'm dead meat. 73 00:06:37,345 --> 00:06:40,905 Yeah, what?... Mr. Bilchick? This is R.J. Fletcher. 74 00:06:49,091 --> 00:06:54,187 Can I help you? No, thanks. Just taking a few measurements. 75 00:07:01,078 --> 00:07:03,699 Wait a minute, I think I missed something here. 76 00:07:03,749 --> 00:07:06,769 Oh, didn't I tell you? I own this place now. 77 00:07:06,819 --> 00:07:09,697 You what? What's the matter, kid, 78 00:07:09,747 --> 00:07:12,328 you got wax in your ears? But my Uncle Harvey.. 79 00:07:12,379 --> 00:07:15,395 Harvey Bilchik is flying in tonight to close the deal. 80 00:07:15,445 --> 00:07:17,382 I don't believe this. Hold this kid. 81 00:07:17,432 --> 00:07:19,846 George, do something. Hey, wait a minute, 82 00:07:20,390 --> 00:07:22,240 don't you already own Channel 8. 83 00:07:22,291 --> 00:07:25,761 I mean, isn't it illegal to own two TV stations in the same town. 84 00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:31,845 Oh, really? Gee 85 00:07:32,399 --> 00:07:36,704 I guess I'll turn it into a parking lot. 86 00:07:37,269 --> 00:07:39,383 Toodle Lo 87 00:07:49,083 --> 00:07:50,223 Harvey 88 00:07:50,273 --> 00:07:53,287 I still don't understand what this is all about? - I told you, 89 00:07:53,337 --> 00:07:56,402 I just have to wrap up a little business deal and I'll be back in a few days 90 00:07:56,452 --> 00:08:02,117 - and I'll tell you all about it then. - You take care of you're self, you hear? 91 00:08:02,168 --> 00:08:04,498 Bye - Bye 92 00:08:09,373 --> 00:08:17,016 Hello? Oh hi George, it's so good to hear from you? How's everything? 93 00:08:19,595 --> 00:08:21,384 HE WHAT! 94 00:08:22,514 --> 00:08:25,913 Harvey Bilchick! Get in here! 95 00:08:32,616 --> 00:08:36,281 Uncle Harvey, at least give me a chance to match his offer. 96 00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:40,149 Yah let me worry about where I'm going to come up with the money. 97 00:08:41,727 --> 00:08:45,562 Yeah, seventy-five thousand, in cash, firday night. 98 00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:52,243 10 O'clock, yah I got it. OK, ok, bye. 99 00:08:54,555 --> 00:08:57,474 George, where are you gonna to come up with that kind of money? 100 00:08:57,914 --> 00:09:02,361 Yeah. And what are you going to do about Fletcher? 101 00:09:02,412 --> 00:09:09,303 Yeah, I wouldn't put anything past that guy. If there were only some way we could keep an eye on him. 102 00:10:13,820 --> 00:10:20,407 Harvey... Harvey Bilchik? Hey, great to see you. R.J. Fletcher. 103 00:10:20,455 --> 00:10:24,480 Did you have a good flight? Yeah... want some peanuts? 104 00:10:24,527 --> 00:10:30,128 No, thank you. Mr. Bilchik, while you're here in town, 105 00:10:30,178 --> 00:10:36,255 I want to make sure you're very comfortable. Anything special you want, you just let me know. 106 00:10:36,306 --> 00:10:41,296 Now, whaddaya say we take care of a little business? I've got all the cash 107 00:10:41,346 --> 00:10:46,148 right here and as soon as you sign these and we can start celebrating. 108 00:10:46,198 --> 00:10:49,228 Yeah, well, uh... listen, I gotta talk to you about that. 109 00:10:49,279 --> 00:10:52,537 What? What's wrong? Well you see, the thing is... 110 00:10:52,587 --> 00:10:56,141 that a I promised George that I'd give him a chance to get all the money 111 00:10:56,191 --> 00:10:58,932 - by Friday night. What are you talking about? We had a deal! 112 00:10:58,983 --> 00:11:03,976 Yeah, I know, I'm sorry, this is just something I had to do. Don't worry about it. There's no possible way 113 00:11:04,026 --> 00:11:07,861 that kid can come-up with seventy-five thousand bucks in two days. 114 00:11:14,907 --> 00:11:16,711 TOWN TALK WITH GEORGE 115 00:11:16,761 --> 00:11:18,496 George Newman. He starts where the others stop. 116 00:11:18,546 --> 00:11:21,060 Sex with furniture, what do you think? 117 00:11:21,110 --> 00:11:25,607 The world watched in amazement as he unlocked 118 00:11:25,658 --> 00:11:28,144 the mysteries of Al Caponio's glove compartment. AH HA! 119 00:11:28,194 --> 00:11:29,924 Road maps! 120 00:11:29,974 --> 00:11:32,291 He blow the lid off Satanism. 121 00:11:32,341 --> 00:11:37,687 Look, all I was trying to say.. Oh shut up you pin head! You make me sick! 122 00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:43,065 Sometimes shocking, always controversial. He deals with topics that the other talk 123 00:11:43,115 --> 00:11:49,048 shows are afraid to touch. He pries, he pokes, he digs deep. He gets 124 00:11:49,099 --> 00:11:53,837 the answers, he gets the facts, and most of all he gets the ratings. 125 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:03,413 Lesbian, Nazi Hookers, abducted by UFO's 126 00:12:03,463 --> 00:12:06,892 and forced into weight lose programs, all this week, on 'Town Talk.' 127 00:12:22,740 --> 00:12:28,484 George, what's a matter? Stanley, you don't want to know. 128 00:12:31,457 --> 00:12:33,634 Oh... why'd I ask? 129 00:12:38,312 --> 00:12:41,317 Somethin' I can do to help? 130 00:12:41,772 --> 00:12:45,408 Not unless you've got seventy-five thousand dollars. 131 00:12:54,349 --> 00:12:56,984 No... sorry. 132 00:12:57,034 --> 00:13:01,981 This is ridiculous. There must be something I could do... 133 00:13:08,167 --> 00:13:11,575 The U62 telethon is on the air! 134 00:13:18,366 --> 00:13:23,708 Hey, dad, you better turn on Channel 62. Something funny's going on. 135 00:13:28,056 --> 00:13:30,569 Now, we're not asking for donations. 136 00:13:30,619 --> 00:13:34,712 What we are doing is offering everyone in this town a unique business opertunity. 137 00:13:34,762 --> 00:13:41,983 This is one share of stock in Channel 62. Our goal, over the next 138 00:13:42,034 --> 00:13:48,143 day and a half,will be to sell seventy-five hundred of these at ten dollars apiece. 139 00:13:48,194 --> 00:13:51,275 If we succeed, then the station will belong to all of us. 140 00:13:51,325 --> 00:13:56,502 Now I'm calling out an S.O.S. Save Our Station! 141 00:13:57,009 --> 00:14:00,524 We've got volunteers right over here that will be taking your money and they're gonna be here 142 00:14:00,575 --> 00:14:04,929 around the clock for the next two days until every share is sold! 143 00:14:04,979 --> 00:14:08,228 Whaddaya say, kids? Can we do it? 144 00:14:20,312 --> 00:14:28,658 I think it's time you boys paid our Mr. Spadowski a little visit. 145 00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:35,276 Um ya, I'm calling on behalf of our station and were having this telethon 146 00:14:35,327 --> 00:14:39,423 and where trying, really raisin' a lot of money for 147 00:14:39,473 --> 00:14:43,662 channel 62 and we'd really appreciate if you could help us. Bring you're dogs down here 148 00:14:43,663 --> 00:14:45,473 I'll wash them for you. 149 00:14:47,057 --> 00:14:52,246 Well so far, guys your response has been really been incredible, 150 00:14:52,297 --> 00:14:56,758 but we've still got a long way to go... Remember, when you buy stock in U62, 151 00:14:56,808 --> 00:14:59,998 you're not only will you be helping yourself and the community.. 152 00:15:00,659 --> 00:15:05,719 You're doing great, Stanley. Now remember, you gotta pace yourself... You got a long way 153 00:15:05,743 --> 00:15:08,872 to go before tomorrow night. I can do it, George... I can do it. 154 00:15:09,878 --> 00:15:12,601 All right, now just take it easy... 155 00:15:15,350 --> 00:15:17,349 Is there anything I can get you? 156 00:15:17,504 --> 00:15:19,859 Some play-doh Okay. 157 00:15:19,893 --> 00:15:24,518 NO NO no, give some bubble some real big bubbles. 158 00:15:24,569 --> 00:15:26,294 I'll 'see what I can do. 159 00:15:33,608 --> 00:15:38,434 Who is it? Got a pizza here for Mr. Stanley Spadowski. 160 00:15:38,485 --> 00:15:41,592 Pizza? For me? Oh boy! 161 00:15:45,377 --> 00:15:49,847 I like peppers, but I love anchovies cause there real fishy. 162 00:15:49,898 --> 00:15:55,416 Some times I like to get a pizza with nothing on it but anchovies. 163 00:15:55,466 --> 00:15:59,438 No peppers or olives or onions, just anchovies cause there good. 164 00:15:59,582 --> 00:16:02,644 So... are we gonna kill him? No no. 165 00:16:02,694 --> 00:16:07,495 The boss just wants us to keep him on ice for a while. Easy easy. 166 00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:12,651 Hey... wait a minute... you guys aren't from the pizza place! 167 00:16:20,159 --> 00:16:21,903 ON THE AIR 168 00:16:23,511 --> 00:16:25,689 George, George, you've got to do something. 169 00:16:25,740 --> 00:16:28,213 Every minute Stanley's off the air, we're losing money. 170 00:16:28,263 --> 00:16:32,233 Yeah... listen, just stall as long as you can. I'm sure he'll turn up. 171 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,991 OK. What did the police say? 172 00:16:34,009 --> 00:16:38,379 They're doing everything they can. I'm telling you, George, Fletcher's behind this, I just know it. 173 00:16:48,748 --> 00:16:52,989 Okay, I'm thinking Of something... orange. 174 00:16:53,039 --> 00:16:59,749 Something orange... orange... Ya give up? It's an orange! 175 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:09,202 Get it? This is fun, huh? Okay, now I'm thinking of something blue... something... blue... 176 00:17:09,855 --> 00:17:13,634 Let me kill him. Please let me kill him. 177 00:17:34,349 --> 00:17:39,442 What! Don't you like Baonaza!? 178 00:17:54,062 --> 00:17:56,450 Ok Philo, go to commercial. 179 00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:59,406 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK... 180 00:18:01,190 --> 00:18:03,479 Next week on U62... 181 00:18:04,588 --> 00:18:05,783 He's back 182 00:18:06,529 --> 00:18:07,992 And this time 183 00:18:08,114 --> 00:18:09,762 He's mad 184 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,288 No more mister passive resistance 185 00:18:15,446 --> 00:18:18,598 He's out to kick some butt 186 00:18:19,537 --> 00:18:23,488 This is one bad mother you don't wanna mess with 187 00:18:28,321 --> 00:18:30,557 Don't move, slimeball 188 00:18:33,023 --> 00:18:35,627 He's a one man recking crew 189 00:18:38,043 --> 00:18:40,690 But he also knows how to party 190 00:18:43,417 --> 00:18:47,423 Gimme a steak, medium rare Hey, Baldy! 191 00:18:47,473 --> 00:18:49,253 There is only one law 192 00:18:49,304 --> 00:18:51,267 His law 193 00:18:58,460 --> 00:19:05,703 Hey, mister! Change? You got change? Do you mind? Get out of my way. 194 00:19:06,035 --> 00:19:10,972 Hey, come on, can't you help a guy out? Anything... 195 00:19:16,171 --> 00:19:18,751 Don't spend it all in one place. 196 00:19:20,388 --> 00:19:30,164 Wow! Oh I can't believe it. Thanks, mister! Thanks a lot! 197 00:19:44,749 --> 00:19:49,012 Um, Mr. Fletcher, may I speak to you for a moment? 198 00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:51,056 Personnel is that way, young lady. 199 00:19:51,414 --> 00:19:55,834 No, I'm not here about a job, I'd like to speak to you about Channel 62. 200 00:19:55,981 --> 00:20:00,912 Channel 62? Oh yes, my demolition team is looking forward 201 00:20:00,963 --> 00:20:03,202 to turning it into a rubble heap on Saturday morning. 202 00:20:03,252 --> 00:20:06,954 Wait a minute. Would you please just listen. 203 00:20:07,812 --> 00:20:10,252 George Newman has turned that little station into something 204 00:20:10,302 --> 00:20:14,051 this community cares about. George Newman is a two-bit 205 00:20:14,102 --> 00:20:17,246 little punk who should never have stuck his nose where it didn't belong 206 00:20:17,296 --> 00:20:19,463 and if he sent you here to try and make a deal... 207 00:20:19,513 --> 00:20:21,867 George doesn't know I'm here. 208 00:20:21,917 --> 00:20:27,303 Look, it just seems to me there's more than enough room for the both of you in this town. 209 00:20:27,354 --> 00:20:30,884 Besides, a little competition is always good for the community. 210 00:20:30,934 --> 00:20:33,500 The community? Let me tell you something. 211 00:20:33,550 --> 00:20:39,253 This community means about as much to me as a festering bowl of dog snot! 212 00:20:49,421 --> 00:20:55,426 You guys...? Hey, you guys...? My blindfold fell off! 213 00:20:55,476 --> 00:20:59,042 You better come fix it. I didn't mean for it... 214 00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:03,317 HEY... MY SHIRT GLOWS IN THE DARK! WOW!! 215 00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:07,792 Would you shut him up? 216 00:21:09,313 --> 00:21:12,101 I got an itch I got an itch I got an itch I got an itch I got an itch... 217 00:21:16,729 --> 00:21:21,794 I got an itch I got an itch Stanley, I don't want to have to tell you this again. 218 00:21:23,116 --> 00:21:27,731 Shut up! You're makin' us nuts. 219 00:21:27,782 --> 00:21:31,660 Now I got three guys out here 220 00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:37,501 that would love to cut your tongue out. 221 00:21:38,322 --> 00:21:45,200 But I don't want them to do that. I told them not to complain about all this... 222 00:21:46,401 --> 00:21:49,868 ... Stanley, be nice. 223 00:21:50,132 --> 00:21:51,735 MY MOP!! 224 00:22:00,326 --> 00:22:01,395 �Please! 225 00:22:48,114 --> 00:22:49,751 It's a mop 226 00:23:03,977 --> 00:23:05,996 ��?? 227 00:23:21,658 --> 00:23:22,621 Yeah. 228 00:23:34,026 --> 00:23:35,468 Stanley! 229 00:23:38,033 --> 00:23:40,922 Don't move, Spadowski. 230 00:23:42,633 --> 00:23:44,875 Don't even breathe. 231 00:23:52,075 --> 00:23:54,384 What are we gonna do now? 232 00:23:55,506 --> 00:23:57,190 I'll handle this. 233 00:25:51,505 --> 00:25:54,643 HELICOPTER RIDES- $20 234 00:28:18,024 --> 00:28:19,733 Who's this guy? 235 00:28:21,250 --> 00:28:24,088 I'm you're worst nightmare 236 00:28:28,398 --> 00:28:32,883 Listen, I can see you guys are pretty busy... how about if I just come back later? 237 00:28:32,928 --> 00:28:37,329 Forget it, pal. We're all goin' for a little ride. 238 00:28:37,379 --> 00:28:41,288 Oh. Well, we're gonna have to take your car... mine's a two-seater. 239 00:28:41,290 --> 00:28:46,732 Just shut up, kid. You know, you really botched thing up. 240 00:28:46,782 --> 00:28:50,988 If you hadn'ta stuck your face in our business, 241 00:28:52,559 --> 00:28:54,803 we'd all be goin' home soon. 242 00:28:56,812 --> 00:29:04,768 But now I'm gonna have to put you and your friend out of commission... for good. 243 00:29:07,362 --> 00:29:09,897 Red rum! Red rum! 244 00:29:11,995 --> 00:29:13,166 What was that? 245 00:29:13,656 --> 00:29:17,167 Hold on. Though hear something? What? 246 00:29:17,214 --> 00:29:17,903 I don't know... 247 00:29:17,953 --> 00:29:19,501 SUPPLIES 248 00:29:19,551 --> 00:29:20,730 Supplies !!! 249 00:29:36,555 --> 00:29:38,267 Hey, everybody! They're back! 250 00:30:35,516 --> 00:30:41,103 Friends, there comes a time in every man's life 251 00:30:41,154 --> 00:30:47,189 where he has to look the potato of injustice right in the eye. 252 00:30:47,239 --> 00:30:52,794 There's a powerful evil force in the universe, and it lives at Channel 8. 253 00:30:52,845 --> 00:30:55,236 I've seen it. And I don't want it to pop its ugly, greasy head here. Do you? 254 00:30:55,286 --> 00:30:56,431 No! 255 00:30:56,481 --> 00:30:57,838 I can't hear you! 256 00:30:57,888 --> 00:30:58,981 No! ! 257 00:30:59,031 --> 00:31:00,534 I can't hear you!!! 258 00:31:00,584 --> 00:31:01,733 No! ! ! 259 00:31:02,894 --> 00:31:04,962 Wait a minute, wait a minute. 260 00:31:06,528 --> 00:31:08,425 Alright, say it again! 261 00:31:08,828 --> 00:31:10,865 No! ! ! Alright! 262 00:31:11,016 --> 00:31:16,986 And now, a Special Report from the owner and General Manager of Channel 8, R.J. Fletcher. 263 00:31:16,977 --> 00:31:21,739 Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I come before you tonight 264 00:31:21,789 --> 00:31:26,152 to speak on a matter which is of grave concern to us all. 265 00:31:26,581 --> 00:31:33,217 I want to show you how one small television station can single-handedly 266 00:31:33,267 --> 00:31:38,817 disrupt and destroy the moral fiber of an entire community. 267 00:31:38,868 --> 00:31:40,388 SIGNAL OVER-RIDE STAND BY 268 00:31:40,438 --> 00:31:48,453 The following may upset you. It may even shock you. 269 00:31:48,503 --> 00:31:54,053 But I feel it is my duty as a concerned cititizan to bring you this important massage. 270 00:31:57,423 --> 00:32:03,037 This community means about as much to me as a festering bowl of dog snot! 271 00:32:03,088 --> 00:32:06,202 You think I care about the pea-brained yokels in this town? 272 00:32:06,252 --> 00:32:10,390 If you took their combined IQ and multiplied it by a hundred, 273 00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:14,099 you might have enough intelligence to tie your shoe,if you didn't 274 00:32:14,150 --> 00:32:20,080 drool all over yourself first. I can't stand those snivelling maggots. They make me want 275 00:32:20,130 --> 00:32:25,761 to puke.But there is one good thing about broadcasting to a town full of mindless 276 00:32:25,811 --> 00:32:32,406 sheep.I always know I've got them exactly where I want them. 277 00:32:50,843 --> 00:32:52,887 Seventy-three thousand dollars! WOHOO! 278 00:32:54,628 --> 00:32:57,857 We just hit the seventy-three thousand dollar mark! 279 00:32:57,907 --> 00:33:01,442 OK Mouseketeers, Come on! We can do it! 280 00:33:04,661 --> 00:33:06,331 Whaddaya say, stranger. 281 00:33:08,179 --> 00:33:13,731 Teri? What are you doing here? I thought you never wanted to see me again. 282 00:33:14,496 --> 00:33:17,294 Well what ever gave you that idea? 283 00:33:17,725 --> 00:33:22,023 Well, I think my first clue was when you said you never wanted to see me again. 284 00:33:22,376 --> 00:33:27,570 Oh. Well, George no matter what happens tonight 285 00:33:27,621 --> 00:33:30,164 I just want you to know that I'm so proud of you. 286 00:33:35,403 --> 00:33:39,857 Uncle Harvey! Listen, we'll definitely have the money for you. 287 00:33:39,908 --> 00:33:42,283 It just may take a few minutes longer than we expected... 288 00:33:42,333 --> 00:33:46,248 Look, kid, if it were up to me, I'd let you have all the time you wanted. 289 00:33:46,249 --> 00:33:51,134 But you know, Big Louie is a punctual kinda guy. I wouldn't want to keep him waiting... 290 00:33:56,088 --> 00:34:00,065 Okay, Okay, I know a lot of you people probably like to wait until the last minute. 291 00:34:00,115 --> 00:34:03,061 Well, this is it! This is the last minute! 292 00:34:03,637 --> 00:34:07,979 What are you doing here? Disturbing the peace. Come on. 293 00:34:08,772 --> 00:34:14,920 Why aren't you home in bed? Stand back. Out of my way. Look out. 294 00:34:21,283 --> 00:34:23,969 This party is over, Mr. Newman. 295 00:34:28,493 --> 00:34:29,884 You can say that again... 296 00:34:39,286 --> 00:34:47,395 Okay, Fletcher, you win... give me the money. Settle down... All in good time MR. Bilick. 297 00:34:47,445 --> 00:34:52,375 What are you crazy?! Give me the money! 298 00:34:52,426 --> 00:34:56,964 Please! If you don't mind, there are a few things I'd like to say 299 00:34:57,014 --> 00:34:59,572 to these people before this transaction takes place... 300 00:35:12,493 --> 00:35:20,845 Dear friends. I'm sure that one day you'll realize that 301 00:35:20,896 --> 00:35:23,793 by shutting down this hot bed of subversive activity... 302 00:35:23,843 --> 00:35:27,415 Hey, Mister... Not now, okay...? 303 00:35:27,466 --> 00:35:31,679 I was just wondering if it was too late to buy shares. 304 00:35:31,729 --> 00:35:35,987 - I'll take whatever you got left. - How much is that? 305 00:35:36,037 --> 00:35:41,168 Two thousand dollars. Keep the change. 306 00:35:52,379 --> 00:35:58,270 Uh... Mr. Big Louie, sir? My Uncle Harvey wanted you to have this. 307 00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,587 Seventy-five thousand dollars... it's all here. 308 00:36:03,957 --> 00:36:05,974 Uncle Harvey... 309 00:36:07,168 --> 00:36:08,391 Hey! What's going on here? 310 00:36:10,595 --> 00:36:13,650 Now wait just one minute here! What do you think you're doing? 311 00:36:13,700 --> 00:36:16,384 We did it! The station's ours! 312 00:36:42,574 --> 00:36:45,108 Wow look that 313 00:36:45,158 --> 00:36:49,253 You can't do this! We had an agreement, remember? An oral contract! I'll sue! 314 00:36:49,303 --> 00:36:52,632 Aw, blow it out your ear scuz bag. 315 00:36:53,816 --> 00:36:55,185 R.J. Fletcher? 316 00:36:55,235 --> 00:36:57,870 So what if I am? I'm John Vickers, FCC. 317 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:02,547 I've noticed that your station is late in filing for its license renewal this year. 318 00:37:02,597 --> 00:37:06,081 Now, normally this kind of violation would be punishable by a stiff fine, 319 00:37:06,132 --> 00:37:10,027 but I've been watching you lately and you've made a big impression on me. 320 00:37:10,077 --> 00:37:15,454 Yah, I'm revoking your license. Effective immediately, you're off the air. 321 00:37:15,743 --> 00:37:19,190 HI! Pamela Finklestein here coming to you with a most incredible 322 00:37:19,240 --> 00:37:23,608 turn of events. Not only has the once-powerful corporate broadcasting giant been 323 00:37:23,658 --> 00:37:28,366 thoroughly crushed and defeated, but now as luck would have it, 324 00:37:28,417 --> 00:37:31,936 they've been completely stripped of their license by the FCC. 325 00:37:32,133 --> 00:37:35,641 Oh well what do you have to say about it, you worthless, slobbering pig? 326 00:37:36,585 --> 00:37:39,918 Dad! Where's my dad? What's going on here? 327 00:37:45,416 --> 00:37:50,097 Awvw... did I do that? Oopsie! 328 00:37:50,874 --> 00:37:53,734 Daddddd! 329 00:37:54,110 --> 00:37:58,250 Philo... Hey, you really went beyond the call of duty on this one, pal. Thanks. 330 00:37:58,495 --> 00:38:00,946 Glad to have been of service, George. 331 00:38:00,996 --> 00:38:05,139 Well, it appears my work on this planet is complete. 332 00:38:05,190 --> 00:38:09,221 I must now return to my home on the planet Zarkon. 333 00:38:09,779 --> 00:38:12,625 Okay, well, have fun. 334 00:38:16,802 --> 00:38:21,966 Hey... nice goin' kid. I didn't know you had it in ya. You're okay. 335 00:38:22,016 --> 00:38:24,648 Thanks, Uncle Harvey. Have a nice flight back to the cost. 336 00:38:26,936 --> 00:38:30,473 Say hi to Aunt Esther for me. Sure will. 337 00:38:33,084 --> 00:38:36,784 Excuse me, aren't you R.J. Fletcher? Yes... 338 00:38:43,615 --> 00:38:46,688 Stanley! Congratulations, you really pulled us through. 339 00:38:46,738 --> 00:38:49,507 Hey George I want you to know that I'm mighty proud to be a part of your team. 340 00:38:49,557 --> 00:38:50,938 Well, I'm mighty proud of you too, Stanley. 341 00:38:50,988 --> 00:38:54,039 In fact, I'd like to present you with a small token of my gratitude. 342 00:38:56,223 --> 00:39:00,492 A trophy! That that's me? 343 00:39:01,090 --> 00:39:06,563 'Stanley... World's Greatest Janitor and TV Star.' 344 00:39:07,464 --> 00:39:12,595 Ah, George... I've never had any one give me a trophy before. 345 00:39:12,645 --> 00:39:19,130 It's big. George, you're my best friend in the whole world! 346 00:39:19,587 --> 00:39:24,405 I'm gonna go show this to everybody right now!! Hey, everybody! Look at what George gave me! 347 00:39:25,135 --> 00:39:33,740 Hey! Hey, I know you! You're the guy that gave me that 1955 double dye Denver 348 00:39:33,791 --> 00:39:41,426 Mint penny!Thanks a lot, mister! That thing was worth a fortune! 349 00:39:41,477 --> 00:39:46,118 After I cashed it in, I had enough money to buy a whole bunch of shares... 350 00:39:46,168 --> 00:39:51,053 plus, I got this neat watch. 351 00:39:51,103 --> 00:39:54,299 It's a Ro-lex. See? 352 00:40:05,563 --> 00:40:08,779 Um, George? Ah uh 353 00:40:08,829 --> 00:40:11,652 You know those dreams you're always having? 354 00:40:11,702 --> 00:40:13,291 Yeah...? 355 00:40:13,341 --> 00:40:19,513 Well, do you think that maybe sometime I could be part of them? 356 00:40:21,554 --> 00:40:25,887 Honey... from now on, you're going to be in all of them. 357 00:40:27,593 --> 00:40:29,716 Aww... George... 358 00:40:29,766 --> 00:40:33,279 Darlin'... let's leave this place right now... 359 00:40:33,285 --> 00:40:36,363 Let's go this very minute No, dear, please... 360 00:40:36,413 --> 00:40:38,907 let's wait 'til tomorrow... 361 00:40:38,956 --> 00:40:41,283 But, why? Why? 362 00:40:41,795 --> 00:40:44,911 Because tomorrow... is another day! 363 00:40:45,940 --> 00:40:48,592 I knew she was gonna say that. 364 00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:12,000 Doradio i namu�io se - b e � a - 365 00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:19,000 - b e t c h a - giveth 366 00:41:24,178 --> 00:41:29,285 Put down your remote control Throw out your TV Guide 367 00:41:31,694 --> 00:41:36,842 Put away your jacket There's no need to go outside 368 00:41:37,739 --> 00:41:42,423 Don't you know that we control the horizontal 369 00:41:42,731 --> 00:41:46,368 We control the verticle, too 370 00:41:46,687 --> 00:41:54,129 We gonna make a couch potato out of you That's what we gonna do now 371 00:41:54,398 --> 00:41:57,866 Don't change the channel Don't touch that dial 372 00:41:58,151 --> 00:42:01,668 We got it all on UHF 373 00:42:01,856 --> 00:42:05,576 Kick off your sneakers Stick around for a while 374 00:42:05,787 --> 00:42:08,785 We got it all on UHF 375 00:42:09,004 --> 00:42:12,321 Don't worry 'bout your laundry Forget about your job 376 00:42:12,538 --> 00:42:15,616 Just crank up the volume And yank off the knob 377 00:42:15,808 --> 00:42:21,020 We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF 378 00:42:27,850 --> 00:42:33,515 Disconnect the phone and leave the dishes in the sink 379 00:42:34,558 --> 00:42:41,137 You better put away your homework Prime time ain't no time to think 380 00:42:41,369 --> 00:42:45,907 All you do is make yourself a TV dinner 381 00:42:46,083 --> 00:42:50,254 Press your face right up against the screen 382 00:42:50,387 --> 00:42:55,012 We gonna show you thangs you ain't ever seen 383 00:42:55,301 --> 00:42:57,953 If you know what I mean, now 384 00:42:58,082 --> 00:43:01,486 Don't change the channel Don't touch that dial 385 00:43:01,649 --> 00:43:05,147 We got it all on UHF 386 00:43:05,329 --> 00:43:09,310 Kick off your sneakers Stick around for a while 387 00:43:09,442 --> 00:43:12,487 We got it all on UHF 388 00:43:12,621 --> 00:43:15,962 Don't worry 'bout your laundry Forget about your job 389 00:43:16,372 --> 00:43:19,373 Just crank up the volume And yank off the knob 390 00:43:19,559 --> 00:43:24,537 We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF 391 00:43:57,257 --> 00:44:00,851 You can watch us all day You can watch us all night 392 00:44:01,001 --> 00:44:04,604 You can watch us any time that you please 393 00:44:04,730 --> 00:44:08,273 You can sit around and stare at the picture tube 394 00:44:08,474 --> 00:44:11,399 'Till your brain turns into cottage cheese 395 00:44:13,154 --> 00:44:16,547 Don't change the channel Don't touch that dial 396 00:44:16,669 --> 00:44:19,902 We got it all on UHF 397 00:44:20,185 --> 00:44:24,050 Kick off your sneakers Stick around for a while 398 00:44:24,163 --> 00:44:27,431 We got it all on UHF 399 00:44:27,589 --> 00:44:30,798 Don't worry 'bout your laundry Forget about your job 400 00:44:30,921 --> 00:44:34,292 Just crank up the volume And yank off the knob 401 00:44:34,458 --> 00:44:39,506 We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF 402 00:46:02,368 --> 00:46:09,283 This Film is Dedicated to the Memory of Trinidad Silva