1 00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:23,357 ** 2 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:31,699 ** 3 00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,602 * I eat filet mignons seven times a day * 4 00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:37,338 * My bathtub's filled with Perrier * 5 00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:40,708 * What can I say This is the life * 6 00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:43,944 * I buy a dozen cars when I'm in the mood * 7 00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:46,180 * I hire somebody to chew my food * 8 00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:50,017 * I'm an upwardly mobile dude This is the life * 9 00:00:50,084 --> 00:00:53,121 * They say that money corrupts you * 10 00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,356 * But I can't really tell * 11 00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,491 * I got the whole world at my feet * 12 00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,527 * And I think it's pretty swell * 13 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:02,230 * I got women lined up outside my door * 14 00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:04,565 * They've been waitin' there since a week before * 15 00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:07,701 * Who could ask for more This is the life * 16 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:30,023 * Whaa da whaa da * * You're dead for a real long time * 17 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,059 * You just can't prevent it * 18 00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:34,362 * So if money can't buy happiness * 19 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,797 * I guess I'll have to rent it * 20 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:41,502 * Yeah, every day I make the front page news * 21 00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,604 * No time to pay my dues * 22 00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:47,341 * I got a million pairs of shoes This is the life * 23 00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:50,178 * That's right, I'm the king Number one * 24 00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:52,613 * I buy monogrammed Kleenex by the ton * 25 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,882 * I pay the bills I call the shots * 26 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,318 * I grease the palms I buy the yachts * 27 00:01:57,385 --> 00:01:59,420 * One thing I can guarantee * 28 00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:01,589 * The best things in life they sure ain't free * 29 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:03,724 * It's such a thrill just to be me * 30 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:06,360 * This is the life * 31 00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:10,130 * Ahh * * This is the life ** 32 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,243 [ Horn Honks ] 33 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:36,190 Anybody hungry? [ Arf Arf ] 34 00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:39,760 Didn't think so. Just kidding. 35 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,463 Okay, fellas, food time. 36 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,932 Bert. Liver, no onions. 37 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:48,068 Here you go, Bertie. There you go. 38 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:52,406 And for dessert, there you go. 39 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:58,679 Connie, Mack, you kids wanted the tuna, hold the Mayo. 40 00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:00,614 Lovely choice. 41 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:04,585 I'm not crazy about you two living together. 42 00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:07,187 Marvin, you ordered the flounder. 43 00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:10,258 I didn't like the way it looked, 44 00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:12,493 so I prepared something special. 45 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,596 I think you're gonna like this. [ Lips Smacking ] 46 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:17,598 And maybe not. [ Telephone Rings ] 47 00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:21,201 Okay, here we go. [ Ringing ] 48 00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:24,204 - Polly, get that. - All right. 49 00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:28,476 Kelly's pet shop. Polly speaking. 50 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,544 It's your mother, Johnny. 51 00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:35,048 - Tell her to hold, would ya? - Hang on. 52 00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,418 Thanks, pal. Hiya, Ma. 53 00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:42,456 Uh-huh. I was just feeding the animals. 54 00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:45,058 It's probably just the weather. 55 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:47,528 I wouldn't worry about it. 56 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:50,564 It will probably get better tomorrow. 57 00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:54,368 If you wouldn't drink so much, the whole thing would clear up. 58 00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,570 I'll see you later. 59 00:03:56,637 --> 00:04:00,941 [ Bell Rings ] All right, come here. Hand it over. 60 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:03,511 What was that noise? 61 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,614 It was this little gadget here. 62 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,750 Prevents stealing. Stops guys like you. 63 00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:13,287 Go ahead. Call the cops. Let's get this over with. 64 00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,255 Ah, pretty tough, huh? 65 00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:16,924 Tough enough. 66 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,892 Yeah? You like stealing? 67 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,694 Beats paying for it. 68 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,830 You think stealing makes you a big man? 69 00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:26,367 Bigger than you... wearing an apron, feeding monkeys. 70 00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,636 Ha ha ha. Sit down. 71 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:31,405 I'll tell you where stealing gets you. 72 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,607 Wake me when you're through. 73 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:36,444 I started out just like you. Must have been 25 years ago. 74 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,612 What's going on? 75 00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:41,281 Don't worry. It'll end in a couple of minutes. 76 00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:45,786 It always does this when I talk about the past. Anyway, it was 1910. 77 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,889 Times were good in America. 78 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:54,227 There was plenty of everything... Jobs, security, laughs. 79 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,263 America was in great shape, 80 00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,366 except for President William Taft. 81 00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:00,368 Was he a porker. 82 00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:04,538 He weighed as much as Teddy Roosevelt and half of William McKinley. 83 00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:07,541 Immigrants came from all over the world, 84 00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:10,043 looking for a better life. 85 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:12,279 And over 97% of them... 86 00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:15,816 settled in a two-block area of New York City. 87 00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:18,719 There used to be a law called the McCoy Act of 1909. 88 00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,921 It said immigrants wanting citizenship... 89 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:23,557 had to stay out of their apartments at least four hours a day... 90 00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:26,594 and walk the streets with hats on. 91 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:30,130 Most immigrants didn't find the streets paved with gold. 92 00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:32,566 Instead, they found hard times. 93 00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:36,069 Nobody had it tougher than my mom, Mom Kelly. 94 00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:38,539 She was kind and sweet. 95 00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:41,942 She had a colorful way of putting things. 96 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:46,414 The Lower East Side... This really sucks. 97 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:53,086 - I was just starting out in business. - Hey, kid, you got a paper? 98 00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:56,289 Hiya, Mom. Hiya, Johnny. 99 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,258 Your pancreas feeling better? 100 00:05:58,325 --> 00:06:00,260 Don't worry about me. 101 00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:02,229 Just keep yourself warm. 102 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:03,831 Thanks, Mom. 103 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,298 Oh, God! 104 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,835 It's the worst July in years. 105 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,770 Go on upstairs. 106 00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:12,706 After I sell these, we'll celebrate your birthday. 107 00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:15,709 Ahh. You're my darling boy. 108 00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,778 Hey, kid, paper here. Yeah. 109 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:28,288 All right. Tribune. Get your Tribune. 110 00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:30,323 Get your Tribune. 111 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,292 [ Horn Honks ] [ Tires Screech ] 112 00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:36,063 [ Crash ] Aah! 113 00:06:38,466 --> 00:06:40,333 A lousy penny. Get your Tribune. 114 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,436 This is my corner. 115 00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:45,272 Danny Vermin don't move for nobody, Kelly. 116 00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:47,140 Oh, yeah? Yeah. 117 00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:50,611 It's okay, Officer. I can handle this myself. 118 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,517 Stop the car. I want to see this. 119 00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:58,519 Yes, sir, Mr. Dundee. 120 00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:03,190 Ha ha ha ha! 121 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,892 And no hard feelings. 122 00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:07,628 You ain't seen the last of Danny Vermin. 123 00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:11,832 Hey, kid, come here. 124 00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:17,838 I like the way you handle yourself. 125 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:19,473 Thanks, mister. 126 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:22,743 Do you know who this man is? 127 00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,144 I give up. 128 00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:27,280 How'd you like to make $50? 129 00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:30,450 Do I have to break the law? 130 00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,720 If I broke the law, 131 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,122 it would be like breaking my mother's heart. 132 00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:38,258 Okay, kid. 133 00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:40,260 But if you change your mind, 134 00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,930 I'll be at the Club 25. 135 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,750 [ Baby Crying ] 136 00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:10,758 [ Heavy Breathing ] 137 00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,668 Dr. Magnus. How's my mother? 138 00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,736 It's her pancreas again. 139 00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:25,272 She'll need an operation immediately. 140 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,675 How much will it cost? 141 00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:29,710 $49.95. This week only. 142 00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:32,713 Where can I get that much money? 143 00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:35,182 Knock over a gas station. 144 00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:43,857 Hiya, Tommy. 145 00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,258 Hi, Johnny. 146 00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:46,727 Hiya, Mom. 147 00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:49,663 You're a sucker for a left. 148 00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,865 Take a break. 149 00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:53,200 I can't. 150 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:56,236 I'm a year behind on Mr. Stevenson's shirts. 151 00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:59,006 There's a new law against washing on your birthday. 152 00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:02,275 Gosh, Johnny, I really don't think that's a law. 153 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:07,280 You won't find it in your law books because I just made it up. 154 00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:10,383 Look. He colored Oliver Wendell Holmes purple. 155 00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:12,352 Isn't that something? 156 00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:14,722 Only 6 years old. 157 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:17,625 Your poor father would have been proud. 158 00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:20,193 He wanted you to be a lawyer. 159 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,663 He could have used one. 160 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:25,599 You'll make something of yourself, Tommy. 161 00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:28,101 I'll see that you do. 162 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:32,205 No mother was ever blessed with two finer sons. 163 00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:34,041 Happy birthday, Mom. 164 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,677 Bless the saints! An ashtray! 165 00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:40,280 I been thinking of taking up smoking. 166 00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:43,651 How does it feel to be 29? 167 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:46,620 I only hope I reach 30. 168 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:49,056 Are you all right, Mom? 169 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:51,091 I'll be fine. Go back to work. 170 00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:55,128 Don't worry about me. I'll be all right. 171 00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,802 She needs an operation. 172 00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:05,272 If I broke the law, I'd break my mother's heart. 173 00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,307 $49.95. 174 00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:08,842 You want to make $50? 175 00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:11,278 I just hope I reach 30. 176 00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,781 I'll be at the Club 25. 177 00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:17,818 Sorry, Mom. It's the only way. 178 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:49,049 No more nodding! 179 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,786 Place your bets, please. 180 00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:17,677 Dundee's gang is here. 181 00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:21,214 What's that bastige want, huh? 182 00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,156 How's tricks, Moronie? 183 00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:32,192 What are you doing here, icehole? 184 00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:36,163 Can't a fellow enjoy a night out gambling? 185 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:39,800 Don't bullshty me. Search him. 186 00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:43,871 We're clean. I don't bear no grudges, 187 00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:47,240 even though you've been muscling in on my territory. 188 00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:49,109 Why, Moronie? 189 00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,711 It's a free country, icehole. 190 00:11:51,779 --> 00:11:53,446 They're clean, boss. 191 00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:57,484 You and the rest of your bastiges can gamble, 192 00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,387 but don't try no fargin trick. 193 00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:04,091 Otherwise, you'll wind up with your bells in a sling. 194 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:10,063 What a mouth on that guy! 195 00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:13,666 Place your bets, please. 196 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,803 Place your bets. 197 00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:24,411 Hey, kid. 198 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:27,815 Paper, mister? 199 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,222 Here you go. 200 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,691 Here you are, sir. 201 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,227 Thanks, kid. 202 00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:47,567 Nobody move, and nobody will get hurt. 203 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,837 All we want is Moronie's money. 204 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:52,005 Go ahead, kid. 205 00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,574 You fargin sneaky bastige! 206 00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:57,610 I going to take your dwork! 207 00:12:57,677 --> 00:13:01,414 I going to nail it to the wall! 208 00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:05,485 I going to crush your boils in a meat grinder! 209 00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:07,921 I cut off your arms! 210 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:10,958 I shove them up your icehole! 211 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,360 Dirty sum un a batch! My own club! 212 00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,964 Mr. Dundee, watch out! 213 00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:22,402 Lock the fargin door! 214 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,204 We got Dundee! 215 00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,343 Get that lousy kid! 216 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,811 Oh! 217 00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,953 Get that kid! 218 00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:43,156 It's only a fargin kid! 219 00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,225 Get him! 220 00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:47,560 Give me a gun! Give me a gun! 221 00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:53,033 Next shooter. 222 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:55,735 Kid's like a monkey. Get him! 223 00:13:55,802 --> 00:13:59,306 It's a fargin kid! Get him! 224 00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:06,479 Hell of an anniversary, Lou. 225 00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:10,183 I don't believe you guys! Get him or you all fired! 226 00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:14,687 No, no, no! 227 00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:16,556 Permesso. 228 00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:19,326 Say your prayers, icehole. 229 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,498 Oh! 230 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,301 Hold it. 231 00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:31,771 Why, you miserable corksucker! 232 00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:35,008 I gonna get you for this. 233 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:38,878 Roman Moronie never forget a fargin face, kid. 234 00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:41,014 I'll get you. 235 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,692 You okay, boss? 236 00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:56,329 Yeah. Thanks to this kid and this. 237 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,165 Thanks a lot, kid. 238 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,234 From now on, you're my boy. 239 00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:04,237 Yeah, kid, you really live dangerously. 240 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:07,040 By the way, what's your name? Johnny. 241 00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:10,343 Johnny... Johnny Dangerously. 242 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,813 I should've never picked that name. 243 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,848 A name like that you got to live up to. 244 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,051 Act tough. Put up a front. 245 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:20,820 I got into a lot of fights. 246 00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:24,191 What's your last name? Binderhoff. 247 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,626 Don't ever change that name. 248 00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:28,595 You'll stay out of trouble. 249 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:31,264 Anyway, Mom got better. 250 00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:36,303 I didn't do any more jobs for the Dundee gang. 251 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:40,373 I grew up your average, poverty-stricken teenager, 252 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,376 thinking about girls, my hair, girls. 253 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,378 [ Music Plays ] 254 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:03,030 I've never seen anyone dance like that. 255 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,001 Hi, Dr. Magnus. How's my mother? 256 00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,503 It's her thyroid, Johnny. What's wrong? 257 00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:13,006 We can't find it. We're gonna have to do a thyroid search. 258 00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:18,511 How much is that? You're in luck. This week, a special... $999. 259 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:21,881 $999? 260 00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,783 Talk about bad luck. 261 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:27,087 There was only one place I could get that much money. 262 00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:30,890 So I joined the Jocko Dundee mob full-time. 263 00:16:30,957 --> 00:16:34,761 Jocko was still at war with Roman Moronie. 264 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:38,965 The years didn't soften Moronie. He continued to murder the English language... 265 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:42,001 and anyone who got in his way. 266 00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:44,937 Moronie had rules for his gang. 267 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:48,841 First, never park in his private space. 268 00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:51,744 The Dundee gang was more fun. 269 00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:53,813 We did illegal things, 270 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,683 but we never bothered the public. 271 00:16:56,749 --> 00:17:00,787 Every Christmas, Jocko returned some cash to the community. 272 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,855 Every chance I got, 273 00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:04,724 I returned to the old neighborhood. 274 00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:07,727 They looked up to me there like I was a folk hero. 275 00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:11,298 "I love Johnny" T-shirts. I love Johnny! 276 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:14,767 Johnny, can I follow in your footsteps? 277 00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:19,439 Sure, kid. Here. It's burning a hole in my pocket. 278 00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:21,474 Look, Rosie, it's Johnny Dangerously. 279 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:27,247 Mrs. Zimmer, everybody, over here. 280 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:33,353 What did I tell you neighborhood people? 281 00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:36,089 Around here, you're Johnny Kelly, 282 00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:38,658 a law-abiding nightclub owner, 283 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,794 not the notorious gangster, Johnny Dangerously. 284 00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:45,798 Sure, and I'm the pope. 285 00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:48,335 Hey, Pope. How'd you know? 286 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:53,240 Johnny, everybody knows except your mother and your brother. 287 00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:55,208 And as far as we're concerned, 288 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:57,644 nobody will say nothing. 289 00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:00,280 Thanks, Your Holiness. 290 00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:03,550 Build yourself a new gym at the Vatican. 291 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,685 Ho ho ho ho! 292 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,787 Oh! 293 00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:11,158 Ah, bless you, Johnny. 294 00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:21,368 [ Knock On Door ] 295 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,702 Johnny! 296 00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,305 Hiya, Ma. 297 00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:29,742 How's my best girl? 298 00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,711 Watch that left, Ma. 299 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:36,249 I love him, but someday I'm going to knock him on his ass. 300 00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:40,720 What you cooking, Ma? 301 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,155 Beer. 302 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:43,756 With noodles. 303 00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:45,692 Great idea. 304 00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,230 So, Ma, what's new? 305 00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:52,299 Me arthritis, that's new. 306 00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:56,703 One of the muscles in me calf is shriveling up. 307 00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:59,672 Also, I'm losing sensation on the left side of me face, 308 00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:02,842 which I think is the beginning of a neurological disorder. 309 00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:06,679 The rest of me is in the pink. 310 00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:09,482 You got to take better care of yourself. 311 00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:13,620 I don't want you doing other people's laundry. 312 00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:17,224 What are you sayin', give up me career? 313 00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:19,826 Maybe you ought to retire. 314 00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:22,195 Enjoy the golden years, Ma. 315 00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:24,331 Not do this. 316 00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:29,302 Son, I couldn't consider retiring, 317 00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:34,441 not so long as I can still give good laundry. 318 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,278 Where's Tommy? 319 00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:41,781 Don't be talking to me about Tommy. 320 00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,483 Why not? 321 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:47,086 Because I'm leaving law school. 322 00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:49,956 If this is some joke, I ain't laughing. 323 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:54,461 I'm dropping out of law school so Sally and I can be married. You can't change my mind. 324 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,329 Do you want this, Sally? 325 00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:58,865 I want whatever Tommy wants. 326 00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:01,200 He makes the decisions. 327 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:04,103 Sally's place is in the home. 328 00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:06,239 I intend to support her. 329 00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:09,976 I'll do anything... shine boots, drive a hack, blow glass, anything. 330 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,479 Johnny, talk sense to him. 331 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:15,748 Can't you see you're breaking your mother's heart? 332 00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:17,617 Why, Tommy? 333 00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:21,654 I can't say it in front of mom. 334 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:26,293 Okay. I got some business to take care of. 335 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:30,229 You meet me at my place... Oh, 10:00, all right? 336 00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:33,800 All right. You little muskrat. 337 00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:38,371 I'll see you, Sally. Good-bye. 338 00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:41,574 Ma, don't worry. I'll straighten everything out. 339 00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:45,077 Hey, Ma, what's this in your ear? 340 00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:46,613 $100? 341 00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:53,853 What can't you say in front of mom? 342 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:54,921 Nothing, Mom. 343 00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:57,890 I know what you can't say. You want to get laid. 344 00:20:57,957 --> 00:21:00,427 Mom! You want to hump your brains out. 345 00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:03,430 Ba-boom! Ba-boom! Ba-boom! Ba-boom! 346 00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:07,834 Morning, Pat. 347 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,268 Morning, Johnny. 348 00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:11,304 How's your dear mother? 349 00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,673 Much better. Thanks for asking. 350 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:16,208 She's such a wonderful woman. 351 00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,311 Yes, she is. 352 00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:21,748 She's got the smile of an angel. 353 00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:28,355 * I love all the many charms about you * 354 00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:33,460 * Above all, I want my arms about you * 355 00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:36,228 * Don't be a naughty baby * 356 00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:39,599 * Come to mama, do * 357 00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:43,536 * My sweet embraceable * 358 00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:46,739 * You ** 359 00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:49,842 Oh, Johnny! Johnny's here! 360 00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:51,811 Johnny! 361 00:21:51,878 --> 00:21:54,881 Johnny, want to be my first? It's my turn. 362 00:21:54,947 --> 00:21:57,316 I'm not wearing a bra. 363 00:21:57,384 --> 00:21:59,318 That makes two of us. 364 00:21:59,386 --> 00:22:01,320 I'm a real blonde. 365 00:22:01,388 --> 00:22:03,390 Check it out Thursday. 366 00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:06,559 How do you do it? Mutual respect. 367 00:22:06,626 --> 00:22:09,295 Hey, who's the nightingale? 368 00:22:09,362 --> 00:22:10,763 Some dame. 369 00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:13,299 She flew in from Pittsburgh. 370 00:22:13,366 --> 00:22:14,601 Say, kid. 371 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:17,236 What do they call you? 372 00:22:17,303 --> 00:22:19,171 Impressive. 373 00:22:19,238 --> 00:22:21,708 Her name is Lil Sheridan. 374 00:22:21,774 --> 00:22:23,075 Thanks. 375 00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:27,447 Lil Sheridan, huh? 376 00:22:27,514 --> 00:22:30,750 My name's Dangerously, Johnny Dangerously. 377 00:22:30,817 --> 00:22:34,421 Do you know your last name's an adverb? 378 00:22:34,487 --> 00:22:36,823 Hey, I like that. 379 00:22:36,889 --> 00:22:40,326 You got spirit, spunk, fire, verve. 380 00:22:40,393 --> 00:22:42,361 You got those. 381 00:22:42,429 --> 00:22:45,398 I like those on a woman. 382 00:22:45,465 --> 00:22:48,367 Gee. My heart's all a-flutter. 383 00:22:48,435 --> 00:22:50,403 I'll tell you what. 384 00:22:50,470 --> 00:22:53,372 Why don't you take my card? 385 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,074 Enjoying yourself? 386 00:22:55,141 --> 00:22:57,076 You call me tomorrow. 387 00:22:57,143 --> 00:23:01,914 Don't be upset when you don't hear the phone ringing. 388 00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:03,382 Suit yourself. 389 00:23:03,450 --> 00:23:06,352 I hope this is helping your morale. 390 00:23:06,419 --> 00:23:08,387 That's the first time... 391 00:23:08,455 --> 00:23:11,323 I had to take that card back. 392 00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:13,860 I kind of like it. 393 00:23:23,002 --> 00:23:24,871 I'll be seeing you. 394 00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:34,346 Does the word "smitten" mean anything to anybody? 395 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:35,948 Hey, Johnny. 396 00:23:36,015 --> 00:23:37,349 Hiya, Johnny. 397 00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:38,818 Hiya, Vito. 398 00:23:38,885 --> 00:23:41,688 Better cut down on that pasta, pal. 399 00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:45,257 I'm starting the Cambridge diet on Monday. 400 00:23:45,324 --> 00:23:47,660 Why are you so happy? 401 00:23:47,727 --> 00:23:50,963 I just met an angel. An absolute angel. 402 00:23:51,030 --> 00:23:52,999 You met Lil, huh? 403 00:23:53,065 --> 00:23:54,967 Sure did, Mr. Dundee. 404 00:23:55,034 --> 00:23:56,869 You see this card? 405 00:23:56,936 --> 00:24:00,006 This card has been to paradise. 406 00:24:00,072 --> 00:24:01,641 Johnny's in love. 407 00:24:01,708 --> 00:24:05,444 You remind me of me and the wife 20 years ago. 408 00:24:05,512 --> 00:24:08,815 Of course, Mae never looked like Lil. 409 00:24:08,881 --> 00:24:11,484 Now she looks like him. 410 00:24:12,685 --> 00:24:15,722 But what am I, a beauty? 411 00:24:15,788 --> 00:24:19,325 Dames are put on this Earth to weaken us, drain our energy, 412 00:24:19,391 --> 00:24:21,961 laugh at us when they see us naked. 413 00:24:22,028 --> 00:24:25,665 Johnny, meet two new members of the gang, 414 00:24:25,732 --> 00:24:27,900 Danny Vermin and Dutch. 415 00:24:27,967 --> 00:24:29,268 Hello, Johnny. 416 00:24:29,335 --> 00:24:31,170 Hiya, Danny. 417 00:24:31,237 --> 00:24:34,140 Danny and I used to fight. 418 00:24:34,206 --> 00:24:36,308 What happened to you? 419 00:24:36,375 --> 00:24:39,211 I fulfilled a lot of predictions. 420 00:24:39,278 --> 00:24:41,280 I've become a scumbag. 421 00:24:41,347 --> 00:24:42,849 Good, Danny. 422 00:24:42,915 --> 00:24:46,653 Many people never realize what they want to be. 423 00:24:46,719 --> 00:24:48,788 [ Knock On Door ] 424 00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:56,763 Delivery for Jocko Dundee. 425 00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:58,765 There's some postage due, 426 00:24:58,831 --> 00:25:01,901 but I'll take care of it. 427 00:25:01,968 --> 00:25:04,436 No problem. 428 00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:06,973 What's this? 429 00:25:18,384 --> 00:25:20,152 He sent a robot. 430 00:25:20,219 --> 00:25:24,190 "Dear bastiges, I hope I got some of you. 431 00:25:24,256 --> 00:25:29,328 "If not, I'll get you when I take over the Club 25. 432 00:25:29,395 --> 00:25:31,197 Love and kisses, Roman Moronie." 433 00:25:31,263 --> 00:25:32,732 We got to stop him. 434 00:25:32,799 --> 00:25:35,935 I got something to stop him. 435 00:25:36,002 --> 00:25:39,205 They made it for him special. 436 00:25:39,271 --> 00:25:41,741 It's an .88 magnum. 437 00:25:41,808 --> 00:25:44,944 It shoots through schools. 438 00:25:45,011 --> 00:25:49,315 Vermin, you got too much sugar in your diet. 439 00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:51,350 Put the gun away. 440 00:25:51,417 --> 00:25:54,721 Maybe I will and maybe I won't. 441 00:25:54,787 --> 00:25:56,756 Stash the rod, Danny. 442 00:25:56,823 --> 00:25:59,358 You shouldn't grab me, Johnny. 443 00:25:59,425 --> 00:26:01,861 My mother grabbed me once. 444 00:26:01,928 --> 00:26:03,429 Once. 445 00:26:03,495 --> 00:26:05,297 What will you do, Johnny? 446 00:26:05,364 --> 00:26:07,166 I'll think of something. 447 00:26:07,233 --> 00:26:11,303 Something clever. Something unexpected. 448 00:26:11,370 --> 00:26:13,773 Something subtle. 449 00:26:22,048 --> 00:26:24,984 This club is too fargin small. 450 00:26:25,051 --> 00:26:27,920 How big was the crowd last night? 451 00:26:27,987 --> 00:26:30,056 Packed. We had to turn them away. 452 00:26:30,122 --> 00:26:34,193 That's what I mean. We got to expand this fargin place. 453 00:26:36,295 --> 00:26:39,331 Knock down that wall, knock down that wall, 454 00:26:39,398 --> 00:26:41,600 and knock down that fargin wall. 455 00:26:43,770 --> 00:26:45,672 Now I'm really angry! 456 00:26:45,738 --> 00:26:48,607 This is fargin war! 457 00:27:00,753 --> 00:27:02,689 You must be Tommy. 458 00:27:02,755 --> 00:27:05,725 Uh... Come in. 459 00:27:05,792 --> 00:27:07,827 Johnny's expecting you. 460 00:27:09,729 --> 00:27:11,230 Follow me. 461 00:27:14,233 --> 00:27:15,702 Hello, Tommy. 462 00:27:18,337 --> 00:27:19,706 Oh! 463 00:27:19,772 --> 00:27:21,207 Tommy, hey. 464 00:27:21,273 --> 00:27:24,844 Have a seat there, you little muskrat. 465 00:27:26,746 --> 00:27:29,015 So, Tom... 466 00:27:29,081 --> 00:27:31,951 what's this bull fertilizer about you quitting law school? 467 00:27:32,018 --> 00:27:35,321 I haven't got the tits for it. 468 00:27:35,387 --> 00:27:37,223 I mean, the heart. 469 00:27:37,289 --> 00:27:41,327 Tommy, I want you to pay attention. 470 00:27:41,393 --> 00:27:44,663 I don't understand. You're tops in your class. 471 00:27:44,731 --> 00:27:47,900 You made the Law Review. Why get married now? 472 00:27:47,967 --> 00:27:51,838 Because if I don't get laid, I'll die. 473 00:27:51,904 --> 00:27:54,807 Laid! That's what this thing's about? 474 00:27:54,874 --> 00:27:57,676 I thought it was something serious. 475 00:27:57,744 --> 00:27:59,712 It is serious. 476 00:27:59,779 --> 00:28:02,782 I've tried going to bad girls, 477 00:28:02,849 --> 00:28:05,417 but I'm too clean-cut. 478 00:28:05,484 --> 00:28:09,756 How do you get laid in 1930? 479 00:28:09,822 --> 00:28:12,825 Do you think this is fun? 480 00:28:12,892 --> 00:28:16,362 Do you think this is a picnic? 481 00:28:16,428 --> 00:28:18,798 This is a bad habit. 482 00:28:18,865 --> 00:28:20,800 It's like drinking coffee. 483 00:28:20,867 --> 00:28:23,770 If I could quit, I would. 484 00:28:23,836 --> 00:28:25,805 Come in here, Tom. 485 00:28:25,872 --> 00:28:28,908 I want to talk to you. 486 00:28:32,178 --> 00:28:35,247 This is the most important reason... 487 00:28:35,314 --> 00:28:37,083 why you should wait. 488 00:28:37,149 --> 00:28:40,152 I want to show you something, 489 00:28:40,219 --> 00:28:44,190 something I think just might open your eyes. 490 00:28:48,795 --> 00:28:53,866 ** [ Fanfare ] 491 00:28:53,933 --> 00:28:56,335 Your testicles and you. 492 00:28:57,904 --> 00:28:59,872 Take a good look. 493 00:28:59,939 --> 00:29:02,341 These are the unlucky ones. 494 00:29:02,408 --> 00:29:07,847 These unfortunate souls are suffering from E.S.S... 495 00:29:07,914 --> 00:29:10,716 Enlarged scrotum syndrome. 496 00:29:10,783 --> 00:29:13,786 For these poor devils, it's too late. 497 00:29:13,853 --> 00:29:16,322 But there is hope. 498 00:29:16,388 --> 00:29:18,958 Here, at the Atlanta Genital Institute, 499 00:29:19,025 --> 00:29:22,328 doctors are at work around the clock... 500 00:29:22,394 --> 00:29:24,596 to cure this dreaded affliction. 501 00:29:24,663 --> 00:29:27,934 Hi. I'm Dr. Zillman, 502 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:32,939 and I'd like to talk to you about your testes. 503 00:29:33,005 --> 00:29:35,942 The human testicle is not unlike a balloon. 504 00:29:36,008 --> 00:29:39,979 Sometimes it is empty, and sometimes... 505 00:29:41,247 --> 00:29:43,182 it is full. 506 00:29:43,249 --> 00:29:44,984 And sometimes, 507 00:29:45,051 --> 00:29:47,186 it can explode. 508 00:29:47,253 --> 00:29:49,889 This may help you understand. 509 00:29:49,956 --> 00:29:53,092 Just remember that your testicles, 510 00:29:53,159 --> 00:29:55,995 when treated with love and care, 511 00:29:56,062 --> 00:29:59,999 will give you years of maintenance-free service. 512 00:30:02,835 --> 00:30:06,005 But if abused, well... 513 00:30:07,974 --> 00:30:10,009 the inevitable conclusion. 514 00:30:11,277 --> 00:30:15,014 So next time, do the smart thing. 515 00:30:15,081 --> 00:30:19,451 Don't let anything come between your testicles and you. 516 00:30:19,518 --> 00:30:21,053 Thank you. 517 00:30:26,558 --> 00:30:28,494 Where are you going? 518 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:30,429 Back to law school. 519 00:30:33,165 --> 00:30:36,035 ** [ Band Music ] 520 00:30:43,042 --> 00:30:45,945 Let's hear it for the band. 521 00:30:46,012 --> 00:30:48,180 Johnny, great to see you. 522 00:30:48,247 --> 00:30:51,217 I got an announcement to make. 523 00:30:51,283 --> 00:30:54,686 When I die, hopefully in my bed... 524 00:30:54,753 --> 00:30:57,056 [ Laughter ] 525 00:30:57,123 --> 00:31:01,961 I want to go knowing that the Jocko Dundee mob... 526 00:31:02,028 --> 00:31:04,496 will continue with the traditions, 527 00:31:04,563 --> 00:31:06,365 with the high standards, 528 00:31:06,432 --> 00:31:10,869 that made us the New York Yankees of crime. 529 00:31:10,937 --> 00:31:12,871 [ Applause ] 530 00:31:12,939 --> 00:31:14,941 For that reason, 531 00:31:15,007 --> 00:31:18,877 I'm naming as my successor... 532 00:31:18,945 --> 00:31:20,879 Johnny Dangerously. 533 00:31:20,947 --> 00:31:23,749 [ Applause ] 534 00:31:23,815 --> 00:31:27,386 I want you to give a warm welcome... 535 00:31:27,453 --> 00:31:30,522 to a shy, retiring little lady... 536 00:31:30,589 --> 00:31:32,391 who's come to us... 537 00:31:32,458 --> 00:31:35,027 from a convent school in Pittsburgh, 538 00:31:35,094 --> 00:31:37,229 Lil Sheridan. 539 00:31:50,009 --> 00:31:53,379 * Over my undies trimmed in lace * 540 00:31:53,445 --> 00:31:57,216 * I slip on my black silk disgrace * 541 00:31:57,283 --> 00:32:00,987 * Cut so low, they'll raid the place * 542 00:32:01,053 --> 00:32:03,956 * I wanna dress dangerously * 543 00:32:04,023 --> 00:32:06,325 Yeah! * I need to be reckless * 544 00:32:06,392 --> 00:32:08,460 * I need to be daring * 545 00:32:08,527 --> 00:32:12,064 * I need to take chances and tempt my fate * 546 00:32:12,131 --> 00:32:14,100 * I need to be foolish * 547 00:32:14,166 --> 00:32:15,767 * Need to be crazy * 548 00:32:15,834 --> 00:32:19,205 * Before it's too late and I'm out of date * 549 00:32:25,844 --> 00:32:30,916 * I'll feed you sizzling steak and bootleg gin * 550 00:32:30,983 --> 00:32:34,420 * And chocolate cake till it's a sin * 551 00:32:34,486 --> 00:32:37,889 * We'll work it off and keep you thin * 552 00:32:37,956 --> 00:32:41,493 * I wanna eat dangerously * 553 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,229 Woo! 554 00:32:43,295 --> 00:32:46,165 * Sizzlin', Sss * 555 00:32:47,499 --> 00:32:48,567 * Cheers * 556 00:32:53,672 --> 00:32:55,541 * I wanna * 557 00:32:55,607 --> 00:32:57,143 * Dangerously * 558 00:32:57,209 --> 00:32:59,178 * I need to be reckless * 559 00:32:59,245 --> 00:33:01,147 * I need to be daring * 560 00:33:01,213 --> 00:33:04,950 * I need to take chances and tempt my fate * 561 00:33:05,017 --> 00:33:06,818 * I need to be foolish * 562 00:33:06,885 --> 00:33:08,620 * Need to be crazy * 563 00:33:08,687 --> 00:33:12,591 * Before it's too late and I'm out of date * 564 00:33:15,961 --> 00:33:20,066 * I'm just a slave to my desire * 565 00:33:20,132 --> 00:33:24,270 * And not afraid to play with fire * 566 00:33:24,336 --> 00:33:28,307 * I'll fan your flame and get it higher * 567 00:33:28,374 --> 00:33:31,877 * I wanna live dangerously * 568 00:33:31,943 --> 00:33:34,513 * I wanna eat * 569 00:33:34,580 --> 00:33:36,115 * Dangerously * 570 00:33:36,182 --> 00:33:38,684 * I wanna love * 571 00:33:44,223 --> 00:33:49,795 * Dangerously ** 572 00:34:02,074 --> 00:34:04,009 There's Johnny. 573 00:34:04,076 --> 00:34:06,512 Oh, he's so cute! 574 00:34:16,722 --> 00:34:18,490 You're holding up traffic. 575 00:34:18,557 --> 00:34:21,660 I figure that song you sang... 576 00:34:21,727 --> 00:34:24,029 gave me the green light. 577 00:34:24,096 --> 00:34:26,064 You're off red, 578 00:34:26,132 --> 00:34:28,500 but you're still on amber. 579 00:34:28,567 --> 00:34:31,670 I hope that light changes soon... 580 00:34:31,737 --> 00:34:33,505 because my motor's running. 581 00:34:33,572 --> 00:34:36,074 Be careful you don't overheat. 582 00:34:36,142 --> 00:34:38,610 I'll tell you one thing. 583 00:34:38,677 --> 00:34:40,045 What's that? 584 00:34:40,112 --> 00:34:41,947 You sure can banter. 585 00:34:42,013 --> 00:34:46,985 Then I decided to leave Pittsburgh and come here to Chicago. 586 00:34:47,052 --> 00:34:49,655 Uh, Lil? Yeah? 587 00:34:49,721 --> 00:34:53,959 This ain't Chicago. We're in New York. 588 00:34:54,025 --> 00:34:56,094 You're kidding. 589 00:34:57,095 --> 00:34:59,064 Well, New York, Chicago... 590 00:34:59,131 --> 00:35:04,102 to a girl on her own, it's all the same. 591 00:35:05,937 --> 00:35:08,574 I figured mom and dad... 592 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:11,042 didn't need me around anymore, 593 00:35:11,109 --> 00:35:13,011 not with 14 mouths to feed. 594 00:35:13,078 --> 00:35:15,581 Your folks had 14 kids? 595 00:35:15,647 --> 00:35:18,617 They ran a kennel. 596 00:35:18,684 --> 00:35:20,452 What about your folks? 597 00:35:20,519 --> 00:35:22,921 My mother raised us herself. 598 00:35:22,988 --> 00:35:26,325 I never knew my father or uncle. 599 00:35:26,392 --> 00:35:29,261 I kind of knew my grandmother. 600 00:35:29,328 --> 00:35:31,330 Didn't know my grandfather. 601 00:35:31,397 --> 00:35:34,466 Never knew any of my cousins. 602 00:35:34,533 --> 00:35:36,001 Any pets? 603 00:35:36,067 --> 00:35:38,069 We had a dog. 604 00:35:38,136 --> 00:35:40,038 He ran away when I was a kid. 605 00:35:40,105 --> 00:35:42,274 Never knew him. 606 00:35:49,114 --> 00:35:51,817 Where the hell are we? 607 00:35:55,587 --> 00:35:59,057 Johnny, I'm falling in a big way. 608 00:35:59,124 --> 00:36:01,059 You got company, kid. 609 00:36:01,126 --> 00:36:03,128 Where will we land? 610 00:36:03,195 --> 00:36:06,532 When we do, will our hearts break? 611 00:36:06,598 --> 00:36:09,635 There are answers to these questions, 612 00:36:09,701 --> 00:36:11,169 but first... 613 00:36:25,217 --> 00:36:27,586 Sounds like Johnny's getting laid. 614 00:36:30,689 --> 00:36:33,124 Moronie was still on the warpath. 615 00:36:33,191 --> 00:36:35,461 Even getting to work was an adventure. 616 00:36:36,728 --> 00:36:38,630 Be careful. 617 00:36:38,697 --> 00:36:42,501 There's not a bullet out there with my name on it. 618 00:36:45,671 --> 00:36:49,675 I couldn't stand it if something happened to you. 619 00:36:49,741 --> 00:36:51,610 Neither could I. 620 00:37:10,796 --> 00:37:12,731 One hippopotamus, 621 00:37:12,798 --> 00:37:14,132 two hippopotamus, 622 00:37:14,199 --> 00:37:15,667 three hippopotamus. 623 00:37:15,734 --> 00:37:16,835 Go! 624 00:37:16,902 --> 00:37:18,970 [ Gunfire ] 625 00:37:38,123 --> 00:37:39,558 Wait! 626 00:37:39,625 --> 00:37:41,527 Get him. 627 00:37:49,067 --> 00:37:50,469 Morning, Johnny. 628 00:37:50,536 --> 00:37:52,538 How's your precious mother? 629 00:37:56,342 --> 00:37:58,043 Hee hee! 630 00:38:02,548 --> 00:38:05,417 Whew. You been out there today? 631 00:38:05,484 --> 00:38:07,085 Pretty rough? 632 00:38:07,152 --> 00:38:09,521 Not as bad as yesterday. 633 00:38:09,588 --> 00:38:12,123 You'll feel better if you have a cookie. 634 00:38:12,190 --> 00:38:13,459 Thanks. 635 00:38:13,525 --> 00:38:15,627 All fixed, Mr. Dundee. 636 00:38:15,694 --> 00:38:17,028 Thanks, pal. 637 00:38:17,095 --> 00:38:19,030 Who's that guy? 638 00:38:19,097 --> 00:38:20,499 The plumber. 639 00:38:20,566 --> 00:38:23,001 My bathroom drain was stuck. 640 00:38:23,068 --> 00:38:27,439 Where's all this gangland warfare getting us, anyway? 641 00:38:27,506 --> 00:38:29,575 I want Moronie, 642 00:38:29,641 --> 00:38:34,580 and I'm not going to rest until I get him. 643 00:38:35,547 --> 00:38:38,517 Or until he gets you. 644 00:38:38,584 --> 00:38:42,020 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 645 00:38:42,087 --> 00:38:43,489 Ow. 646 00:38:43,555 --> 00:38:45,657 Relax, Johnny. Relax. 647 00:38:45,724 --> 00:38:47,058 Come on. 648 00:38:47,125 --> 00:38:48,994 Heh heh heh! 649 00:38:49,060 --> 00:38:52,364 A year from now, we'll look back on all this... 650 00:38:52,431 --> 00:38:56,668 and we're gonna have one big laugh. 651 00:38:56,735 --> 00:38:58,537 Oh, boy. 652 00:38:58,604 --> 00:39:01,507 I really had to wee-wee. 653 00:39:01,573 --> 00:39:03,008 That's funny. 654 00:39:03,074 --> 00:39:07,012 This bathroom drain was never stuck before. 655 00:39:10,148 --> 00:39:11,950 Mr. Dundee! 656 00:39:12,017 --> 00:39:13,084 Wait! 657 00:39:18,089 --> 00:39:22,694 Have you got the number of that other plumber? 658 00:39:22,761 --> 00:39:24,129 Mr. Dundee... 659 00:39:24,195 --> 00:39:26,197 Aah! Oh, my God! 660 00:39:26,264 --> 00:39:29,535 Moronie, what have you done to me? 661 00:39:29,601 --> 00:39:31,537 Now look, calm down. 662 00:39:31,603 --> 00:39:33,705 Why go on living? 663 00:39:33,772 --> 00:39:35,106 Don't panic. 664 00:39:35,173 --> 00:39:36,575 Calm down? 665 00:39:36,642 --> 00:39:40,178 I have my dork in my hand! 666 00:39:40,245 --> 00:39:42,714 It's not your dork. Look. 667 00:39:42,781 --> 00:39:44,182 Thank God. 668 00:39:44,249 --> 00:39:46,685 It's just the chain handle. 669 00:39:46,752 --> 00:39:47,753 Sure. 670 00:39:47,819 --> 00:39:49,788 Freddy, you're still here, 671 00:39:49,855 --> 00:39:52,157 you little baldheaded beauty. 672 00:39:52,223 --> 00:39:54,626 I thought I lost you. 673 00:39:54,693 --> 00:39:58,129 Johnny, this is a sign from above. 674 00:39:58,196 --> 00:40:00,131 You okay, boss? 675 00:40:00,198 --> 00:40:01,332 Johnny, 676 00:40:01,399 --> 00:40:04,169 I'm retiring before it's too late. 677 00:40:04,235 --> 00:40:06,237 You remember this? 678 00:40:06,304 --> 00:40:09,007 Take it. You're the boss now. 679 00:40:09,074 --> 00:40:10,542 Oh, no. 680 00:40:10,609 --> 00:40:13,512 I'm not ready for the responsibility. 681 00:40:13,579 --> 00:40:16,748 I'm ready. Forget it, Vermin. 682 00:40:30,996 --> 00:40:32,764 I was on top. 683 00:40:32,831 --> 00:40:34,800 Moronie and I had a truce. 684 00:40:34,866 --> 00:40:37,503 Lil and I were going strong. 685 00:40:37,569 --> 00:40:41,640 And Ma, between occasional transplants and bypasses, 686 00:40:41,707 --> 00:40:44,543 her health was improving. 687 00:40:44,610 --> 00:40:48,146 I was on top of the world. 688 00:40:48,213 --> 00:40:49,948 Great story, pops. So long. 689 00:40:50,015 --> 00:40:53,585 Wait. I'm getting to the sad part. 690 00:40:53,652 --> 00:40:57,589 Everything else in my life was going so well. 691 00:40:57,656 --> 00:41:01,627 I was about to face my greatest challenge. 692 00:41:10,235 --> 00:41:13,104 Tommy, we're so proud of you. 693 00:41:13,171 --> 00:41:15,173 We sure are, kid. 694 00:41:15,240 --> 00:41:18,544 I owe it all to you, Johnny. 695 00:41:18,610 --> 00:41:21,179 This calls for a picture. 696 00:41:21,246 --> 00:41:23,549 Wait. I'll get me camera. 697 00:41:23,615 --> 00:41:25,316 Hold this. 698 00:41:25,383 --> 00:41:28,053 Where the hell is that camera? 699 00:41:34,726 --> 00:41:37,929 Tommy, I want you to have something. 700 00:41:37,996 --> 00:41:39,898 "Kimball, Pritchert, and Williston?" 701 00:41:39,965 --> 00:41:42,968 Biggest law firm in the city. 702 00:41:43,034 --> 00:41:46,437 Call them. You'll find them receptive. 703 00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:49,407 Thanks, Johnny, but I've already decided. 704 00:41:49,474 --> 00:41:51,910 You'll be proud of me. 705 00:41:51,977 --> 00:41:54,846 I'm joining the District Attorney's office. 706 00:41:54,913 --> 00:41:58,149 Johnny, I'm going to dedicate my life... 707 00:41:58,216 --> 00:42:00,151 to fighting crime. 708 00:42:00,218 --> 00:42:02,087 Isn't that great? 709 00:42:02,153 --> 00:42:06,157 My brother, who I put through law school, 710 00:42:06,224 --> 00:42:08,126 is gonna be fighting... 711 00:42:08,193 --> 00:42:10,228 Crime. Crime. 712 00:42:14,232 --> 00:42:16,001 Mom, it's prohibition. 713 00:42:16,067 --> 00:42:19,504 Stop acting like a fag choir boy. 714 00:42:19,571 --> 00:42:21,206 Here. 715 00:42:21,272 --> 00:42:23,609 To me two darling sons, 716 00:42:23,675 --> 00:42:26,211 one a famous nightclub owner, 717 00:42:26,277 --> 00:42:28,013 the other a crime fighter. 718 00:42:28,079 --> 00:42:31,016 With a father like Killer Kelly, 719 00:42:31,082 --> 00:42:34,019 it's a miracle neither of you... 720 00:42:34,085 --> 00:42:36,922 became a piece-of-shit criminal. 721 00:42:36,988 --> 00:42:39,658 Maybe she was right. I decided to go legit. 722 00:42:39,725 --> 00:42:43,695 Then I got more bad news about mom. 723 00:42:43,762 --> 00:42:45,764 About your mom, John. What is it? How much? 724 00:42:45,831 --> 00:42:49,567 A blocked salivary gland... $7,500. 725 00:42:49,635 --> 00:42:51,069 Go ahead. 726 00:42:51,136 --> 00:42:54,439 It'll be good seeing her spit again. 727 00:42:54,505 --> 00:42:56,407 I returned to crime. 728 00:42:56,474 --> 00:43:00,411 Since I had the district attorney on our payroll, 729 00:43:00,478 --> 00:43:02,313 I wasn't worried about Tommy. 730 00:43:04,282 --> 00:43:06,685 I'm the new Assistant D.A. 731 00:43:06,752 --> 00:43:10,588 I'm ready to join the war against crime. 732 00:43:10,656 --> 00:43:12,590 The boss in? 733 00:43:12,658 --> 00:43:14,125 In there. 734 00:43:16,862 --> 00:43:19,530 Hi. Tommy Kelly reporting for work, sir. 735 00:43:19,597 --> 00:43:21,432 Welcome to the team. 736 00:43:21,499 --> 00:43:26,972 I'm proud to be on any team whose adversary is crime. 737 00:43:27,038 --> 00:43:30,441 That's just what I wanted to hear. 738 00:43:30,508 --> 00:43:34,980 That's why we scout law schools for young idealists. 739 00:43:35,046 --> 00:43:38,549 But why not ease into the job? 740 00:43:38,616 --> 00:43:40,585 Take a little vacation. 741 00:43:40,652 --> 00:43:43,588 A vacation? But what about crime? 742 00:43:43,655 --> 00:43:47,158 It'll be here when you get back. 743 00:43:47,225 --> 00:43:48,960 That's the trouble. 744 00:43:49,027 --> 00:43:51,596 Crime will always be here... 745 00:43:51,663 --> 00:43:54,532 unless something is done about it. 746 00:43:54,599 --> 00:43:57,635 But Tommy didn't go on vacation. 747 00:43:57,703 --> 00:43:59,871 He became a tireless crime fighter. 748 00:43:59,938 --> 00:44:02,908 He fought crime in the newspapers. 749 00:44:02,974 --> 00:44:06,511 He attacked it on the radio. 750 00:44:06,577 --> 00:44:08,980 He arrested every criminal in town. 751 00:44:09,047 --> 00:44:13,551 Then he turned his sights on my enemy, Moronie. 752 00:44:13,618 --> 00:44:18,724 That Roman Troy Moronie is responsible for the Mother's Day massacre, 753 00:44:18,790 --> 00:44:20,692 the Christmas Day slaughter, 754 00:44:20,759 --> 00:44:23,862 the Lincoln's Birthday mutilation, 755 00:44:23,929 --> 00:44:26,832 and the Groundhog's Day beheadings. 756 00:44:26,898 --> 00:44:31,102 My client wants to read a prepared statement. 757 00:44:31,169 --> 00:44:32,470 Go ahead. 758 00:44:32,537 --> 00:44:35,040 I would like to direct this... 759 00:44:35,106 --> 00:44:39,610 to the distinguished members of the panel. 760 00:44:39,677 --> 00:44:41,679 "You lousy corksuckers. 761 00:44:41,747 --> 00:44:45,183 "You have violated my fargin rights. 762 00:44:45,250 --> 00:44:48,053 "This sum un om botching country... 763 00:44:48,119 --> 00:44:52,023 "was founded so that the liberties... 764 00:44:52,090 --> 00:44:54,960 "of common patriotic citizens like me... 765 00:44:55,026 --> 00:44:57,595 "could not be taken away... 766 00:44:57,662 --> 00:45:00,131 "by a bunch of fargin iceholes... 767 00:45:00,198 --> 00:45:01,933 like yourselves." 768 00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:04,169 Thank you very much. 769 00:45:04,235 --> 00:45:06,071 [ Crowd Gasps ] 770 00:45:06,137 --> 00:45:08,439 What do you know about Benny the Hump, 771 00:45:08,506 --> 00:45:12,210 Roland Carpiti, and Izzy the Nose mean to you? 772 00:45:12,277 --> 00:45:13,845 Don't mean a thing. 773 00:45:13,912 --> 00:45:16,281 Recognize this? 774 00:45:16,347 --> 00:45:17,648 No. 775 00:45:17,715 --> 00:45:20,618 Your fingerprints are on this gun, 776 00:45:20,685 --> 00:45:23,621 which was used to kill everyone... 777 00:45:23,688 --> 00:45:25,957 in a building at 110 East 40th Street. 778 00:45:26,024 --> 00:45:28,393 Where do you get that? 779 00:45:28,459 --> 00:45:31,729 If a train left New York at 300 miles per hour, 780 00:45:31,797 --> 00:45:34,900 accelerated speed 15 miles per hour, 781 00:45:34,966 --> 00:45:38,937 and traveled a distance of 683 miles, 782 00:45:39,004 --> 00:45:42,107 what time would that train reach Chicago? 783 00:45:42,173 --> 00:45:44,776 That's a fargin silly question! 784 00:45:44,843 --> 00:45:48,113 When, sir? When would that train reach Chicago? 785 00:45:51,416 --> 00:45:56,021 This... this weed of crime that threatens to grow unchecked... 786 00:45:56,087 --> 00:45:59,024 and choke off this beautiful flower... 787 00:45:59,090 --> 00:46:02,060 which is our free, democratic society... 788 00:46:02,127 --> 00:46:06,464 I never thought this radio stunt would catch on. 789 00:46:06,531 --> 00:46:11,436 The public sees him as a knight in shining armor. 790 00:46:11,502 --> 00:46:15,040 This goes through armor, through the victim, 791 00:46:15,106 --> 00:46:18,609 through the wall, through a tree outside... 792 00:46:18,676 --> 00:46:21,646 Relax. Kelly has nothing on us. 793 00:46:21,712 --> 00:46:25,650 Maybe we should wait till he does, huh? 794 00:46:25,716 --> 00:46:28,686 We kill Kelly and we'll have trouble. 795 00:46:28,753 --> 00:46:32,891 If Jocko was in charge, Kelly would have cement loafers. 796 00:46:32,958 --> 00:46:35,393 I'm in charge, not Jocko. 797 00:46:35,460 --> 00:46:37,628 Got it? 798 00:46:37,695 --> 00:46:40,065 Talk sense to the kid. 799 00:46:40,131 --> 00:46:42,733 Get him to play ball. 800 00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:46,171 We'll appeal to his more practical side. 801 00:46:46,237 --> 00:46:50,675 While you're at it, buy yourself a second home. 802 00:46:50,741 --> 00:46:52,243 Thanks, Johnny. 803 00:46:52,310 --> 00:46:53,578 Sure. 804 00:46:55,780 --> 00:46:57,715 This gang's getting soft. 805 00:46:57,782 --> 00:47:00,785 By letting Kelly take us apart, 806 00:47:00,852 --> 00:47:03,788 we've become laughingstocks of the underworld. 807 00:47:03,855 --> 00:47:06,491 I'm embarrassed to tell people what I do. 808 00:47:06,557 --> 00:47:10,161 I say I'm a barber. I told somebody I was a male nurse. 809 00:47:10,228 --> 00:47:13,298 I'm ashamed to admit I'm a criminal. 810 00:47:13,364 --> 00:47:16,267 We got to do something about this. 811 00:47:16,334 --> 00:47:18,803 You fellas really disappoint me. 812 00:47:18,870 --> 00:47:21,639 Look around. What do you see? 813 00:47:21,706 --> 00:47:24,675 I'll tell you what I see. 814 00:47:24,742 --> 00:47:28,046 I see some guys doing pretty good. 815 00:47:28,113 --> 00:47:30,648 Manny, you got a sauna? 816 00:47:30,715 --> 00:47:33,218 Yeah, I got a sauna. 817 00:47:33,284 --> 00:47:34,719 All right. 818 00:47:34,785 --> 00:47:37,655 Ollie, don't you send your mother... 819 00:47:37,722 --> 00:47:39,624 to Norway every summer? 820 00:47:39,690 --> 00:47:41,092 Yeah, Johnny. 821 00:47:41,159 --> 00:47:44,662 Vito, how many hats do you own? 822 00:47:44,729 --> 00:47:46,697 Upwards around 180. 823 00:47:46,764 --> 00:47:50,201 180 hats. That's a lot of hats. 824 00:47:50,268 --> 00:47:51,669 Yeah. 825 00:47:51,736 --> 00:47:54,172 You never told me that. 826 00:47:54,239 --> 00:47:58,709 Tell me another gang that's got a dental plan. 827 00:47:58,776 --> 00:48:01,646 You know why we're so successful? 828 00:48:01,712 --> 00:48:03,081 Why, Johnny? 829 00:48:03,148 --> 00:48:05,116 Because we're diversified. 830 00:48:05,183 --> 00:48:08,353 Diversification, yes, sir. 831 00:48:08,419 --> 00:48:11,522 We're constantly exploring new areas of crime. 832 00:48:11,589 --> 00:48:14,692 We better because there's Japanese gangs... 833 00:48:14,759 --> 00:48:18,063 that will do it faster and cheaper. 834 00:48:18,129 --> 00:48:20,698 There's so much out there. 835 00:48:20,765 --> 00:48:23,734 You can find something you like. 836 00:48:23,801 --> 00:48:26,671 I like what I'm doing now. 837 00:48:26,737 --> 00:48:29,074 I enjoy giving whores work, 838 00:48:29,140 --> 00:48:31,109 loan sharking, planting bombs. 839 00:48:31,176 --> 00:48:34,912 These are a few of my favorite things. 840 00:48:34,980 --> 00:48:36,547 Sick. Dumb-ass. 841 00:48:39,217 --> 00:48:41,252 You missed, fuck face. 842 00:48:43,121 --> 00:48:45,190 All right, Vermin. 843 00:48:45,256 --> 00:48:49,094 You're not getting that back till you've matured. 844 00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:51,129 Aren't we touchy, Johnny? 845 00:48:51,196 --> 00:48:55,300 Something going on between you and Kelly? 846 00:48:58,136 --> 00:49:01,139 Don't hang me on a hook. 847 00:49:01,206 --> 00:49:03,841 My father hung me on a hook once. 848 00:49:03,908 --> 00:49:06,277 Once. 849 00:49:08,513 --> 00:49:09,714 [ Crash ] 850 00:49:09,780 --> 00:49:11,782 Come on, boys, I'm buying. 851 00:49:11,849 --> 00:49:13,851 Now you're talking. 852 00:49:13,918 --> 00:49:16,587 Hang in there, Vermin. 853 00:49:16,654 --> 00:49:21,126 There's something fishy with Johnny and that D.A. 854 00:49:21,192 --> 00:49:24,162 I'm gonna find out what it is. 855 00:49:39,177 --> 00:49:41,279 [ Doorbell Rings ] 856 00:49:43,181 --> 00:49:48,786 I've got enough evidence to put Johnny Dangerously where he belongs. 857 00:49:48,853 --> 00:49:52,690 We don't even know such a man exists. 858 00:49:52,757 --> 00:49:54,192 Until now. 859 00:49:54,259 --> 00:49:57,228 Sir, I have got conclusive evidence... 860 00:49:57,295 --> 00:50:00,765 Notarized depositions, tire prints, blood samples. 861 00:50:00,831 --> 00:50:02,633 I've got eyewitness accounts, 862 00:50:02,700 --> 00:50:05,203 murder weapons, fingerprints, recordings. 863 00:50:05,270 --> 00:50:07,172 Hold it. Hold it. Hold it, kid. 864 00:50:07,238 --> 00:50:09,640 It's flimsy. It's not enough. 865 00:50:09,707 --> 00:50:14,745 It'll never hold up, not in a court of law. 866 00:50:14,812 --> 00:50:16,614 Let's put this aside. 867 00:50:16,681 --> 00:50:20,251 We're here to socialize, not talk shop. 868 00:50:24,889 --> 00:50:27,758 Had enough milk-fed veal, Tommy? 869 00:50:27,825 --> 00:50:29,727 Yes, sir. Thank you. 870 00:50:29,794 --> 00:50:34,365 Can we get back to this damaging evidence on Johnny Dangerously? 871 00:50:34,432 --> 00:50:35,833 No. 872 00:50:35,900 --> 00:50:38,736 Tonight, I want to talk about... 873 00:50:38,803 --> 00:50:42,140 Tommy Kelly and his future. 874 00:50:42,207 --> 00:50:44,142 You're engaged, aren't you? 875 00:50:44,209 --> 00:50:47,712 Yes, to a fine and decent girl. 876 00:50:47,778 --> 00:50:50,081 We plan to marry soon. 877 00:50:50,148 --> 00:50:53,084 As soon as you can afford it. 878 00:50:53,151 --> 00:50:54,719 We'll manage. 879 00:50:54,785 --> 00:50:57,222 Oh, I'm sure you will. 880 00:50:58,889 --> 00:51:01,692 But a little help can't hurt. 881 00:51:03,161 --> 00:51:05,763 Let me show you something. 882 00:51:05,830 --> 00:51:08,032 [ Honk Honk ] 883 00:51:08,099 --> 00:51:10,067 [ Ding ] 884 00:51:10,135 --> 00:51:12,069 [ Ring-A-Ling ] 885 00:51:12,137 --> 00:51:14,572 It's time to play ball! 886 00:51:14,639 --> 00:51:18,643 Let's see what's in store for Tommy Kelly... 887 00:51:18,709 --> 00:51:20,711 if he plays ball. 888 00:51:20,778 --> 00:51:22,613 In a hurry, Sally? 889 00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:25,783 Use this time-saving microflame oven. 890 00:51:25,850 --> 00:51:29,019 Cook a turkey in under a day. 891 00:51:29,086 --> 00:51:31,922 In a rut, Tom? Get away! 892 00:51:31,989 --> 00:51:37,128 Take a trip around the world on us, twice, aboard the... 893 00:51:37,195 --> 00:51:40,698 [ Toot Toot ] S.S. Kelly. 894 00:51:40,765 --> 00:51:42,567 And when you return, 895 00:51:42,633 --> 00:51:46,103 move into your own little love nest. 896 00:51:46,171 --> 00:51:48,406 Plenty of extra closet space. 897 00:51:48,473 --> 00:51:50,908 Perfect for entertaining. 898 00:51:50,975 --> 00:51:54,212 And on those chilly winter nights, 899 00:51:54,279 --> 00:51:58,149 Sally can wrap herself up in this number. 900 00:51:58,216 --> 00:52:01,186 And on those hot summer nights, 901 00:52:01,252 --> 00:52:05,156 Sally can wrap herself up in ice. 902 00:52:05,223 --> 00:52:08,359 It's all yours, if you play ball. 903 00:52:10,728 --> 00:52:12,630 What do you say? 904 00:52:14,199 --> 00:52:17,602 I say I'll see you behind bars. 905 00:52:29,180 --> 00:52:31,182 [ Ring ] 906 00:52:31,249 --> 00:52:32,550 What's up? 907 00:52:32,617 --> 00:52:35,686 He didn't go for it. What now? 908 00:52:35,753 --> 00:52:37,154 I'll ask Johnny. 909 00:52:37,222 --> 00:52:40,024 Johnny, what will you do about Kelly? 910 00:52:40,090 --> 00:52:42,360 [ Mimicking Johnny ] "Kill him." He says kill him. 911 00:52:42,427 --> 00:52:46,797 I thought he'd feel that way, so I've taken care of it. 912 00:52:51,035 --> 00:52:53,238 ** [ Music ] 913 00:52:55,540 --> 00:52:58,409 * I'm a sentimental sap, that's all * 914 00:52:58,476 --> 00:53:00,511 * What's the use of trying not to fall * 915 00:53:00,578 --> 00:53:02,847 * I have no will, you've made your kill * 916 00:53:02,913 --> 00:53:05,216 * 'Cause you took advantage of me * 917 00:53:05,283 --> 00:53:06,917 * I'm just like an apple on a bough * 918 00:53:06,984 --> 00:53:08,529 * And you're going to shake me down somehow * 919 00:53:08,553 --> 00:53:10,153 * So what's the use She cooked my goose * 920 00:53:10,187 --> 00:53:11,021 * When she took advantage of me ** 921 00:53:11,088 --> 00:53:13,157 [ Music Plays Faster ] 922 00:53:13,224 --> 00:53:16,794 Oh, my God! 923 00:53:16,861 --> 00:53:18,696 Whoa! 924 00:53:18,763 --> 00:53:20,865 Aahhh! 925 00:53:20,931 --> 00:53:22,867 Oh, my God! 926 00:53:22,933 --> 00:53:24,569 Oh, my God! 927 00:53:29,874 --> 00:53:31,776 Which one's Tommy? 928 00:53:31,842 --> 00:53:33,711 Got me. 929 00:53:33,778 --> 00:53:35,780 Dr. Michael Hertzberg to surgery. 930 00:53:35,846 --> 00:53:37,248 This is him. 931 00:53:37,315 --> 00:53:39,784 He's got his father's eyes. 932 00:53:39,850 --> 00:53:41,719 Give me a pen. 933 00:53:42,887 --> 00:53:44,989 In case they move him. 934 00:53:48,326 --> 00:53:51,228 Hey, Ma. Is he going to... 935 00:53:51,296 --> 00:53:53,197 I mean, will he... 936 00:53:53,264 --> 00:53:55,300 Croak? No. 937 00:53:55,366 --> 00:53:59,236 Dr. Kaplan says he's going to be fine. 938 00:53:59,304 --> 00:54:01,205 We Kellys are tough. 939 00:54:01,272 --> 00:54:03,308 What happened? 940 00:54:03,374 --> 00:54:06,944 His brakes failed leaving the D.A.'s. 941 00:54:07,011 --> 00:54:09,013 His brakes? 942 00:54:09,079 --> 00:54:11,549 I smell a rat. 943 00:54:13,117 --> 00:54:15,520 Get yourself a cab, Ma. 944 00:54:15,586 --> 00:54:19,557 I got a little business to attend to. 945 00:54:21,158 --> 00:54:24,295 Dr. Hugo Carey, emergency. 946 00:54:24,362 --> 00:54:27,665 This is very nice, although unexpected. 947 00:54:27,732 --> 00:54:33,571 Well, Winston, you been on the take from us all these years. 948 00:54:33,638 --> 00:54:36,507 Just my way of saying thanks. 949 00:54:36,574 --> 00:54:38,843 That's real generous. 950 00:54:38,909 --> 00:54:40,578 You know... 951 00:54:40,645 --> 00:54:43,180 you've always seemed to me... 952 00:54:43,247 --> 00:54:47,184 to be more sensitive than the rest. 953 00:54:47,251 --> 00:54:50,588 We should spend some time together, 954 00:54:50,655 --> 00:54:54,024 say two weeks in Puerto Rico. 955 00:54:55,660 --> 00:54:57,595 It's a thought. It's a thought. 956 00:54:57,662 --> 00:55:00,765 I picked something up for you. 957 00:55:04,168 --> 00:55:06,637 John... John. 958 00:55:10,207 --> 00:55:12,643 A smoking jacket. 959 00:55:13,778 --> 00:55:15,245 Red. 960 00:55:15,312 --> 00:55:17,114 My favorite color. 961 00:55:17,181 --> 00:55:18,649 Oh. 962 00:55:24,188 --> 00:55:25,590 Mmm! Tasty. 963 00:55:25,656 --> 00:55:28,158 What is this we're drinking? 964 00:55:28,225 --> 00:55:30,160 Uh... read the label. 965 00:55:30,227 --> 00:55:32,663 I got to make a call. 966 00:55:35,232 --> 00:55:37,067 Malt liquor. Hmm. 967 00:55:39,236 --> 00:55:40,938 [ Galloping ] 968 00:55:44,008 --> 00:55:46,677 Aah! 969 00:55:56,821 --> 00:55:58,088 Yo! 970 00:56:08,232 --> 00:56:10,234 My God. 971 00:56:10,300 --> 00:56:14,439 My God, I can see. I can see! 972 00:56:39,296 --> 00:56:41,265 Hi, honey. I'm home. 973 00:56:41,331 --> 00:56:43,267 Johnny, you're early. 974 00:56:43,333 --> 00:56:45,970 That's all right, isn't it? 975 00:56:46,036 --> 00:56:47,472 [ Crash ] 976 00:56:47,538 --> 00:56:51,008 You never missed before. Is something wrong? 977 00:56:51,075 --> 00:56:52,910 [ Doorbell Rings ] 978 00:56:54,344 --> 00:56:56,013 Oh, hi, Johnny. 979 00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:57,882 Hi, Mrs. Capone. 980 00:56:57,948 --> 00:57:01,018 Could I borrow a cup of bullets? 981 00:57:01,085 --> 00:57:03,020 We're a little low. 982 00:57:03,087 --> 00:57:04,922 Al will be pissed. 983 00:57:04,989 --> 00:57:07,958 Maybe Al's gonna have to stay home tonight. 984 00:57:08,025 --> 00:57:09,527 Gee. 985 00:57:09,594 --> 00:57:12,329 You weren't very nice to her. 986 00:57:12,396 --> 00:57:14,031 Oh, no? 987 00:57:14,098 --> 00:57:18,569 When's somebody going to be nice to Johnny Dangerously? 988 00:57:18,636 --> 00:57:22,006 Look. My own brother's out to get me. 989 00:57:22,072 --> 00:57:25,009 That psycho Vermin's out to get him. The gang's getting antsy, 990 00:57:25,075 --> 00:57:28,946 and the Crime Commission is breathing down my neck. 991 00:57:29,013 --> 00:57:32,550 I hope that's for a small grownup. 992 00:57:32,617 --> 00:57:35,119 Nah. Just wishful thinking. 993 00:57:35,185 --> 00:57:37,087 Ah, maybe someday, kid. 994 00:57:37,154 --> 00:57:39,056 When, Johnny? 995 00:57:39,123 --> 00:57:44,629 When are we going to stop running and start living? 996 00:57:44,695 --> 00:57:48,132 With Sally and Tommy getting hitched tomorrow, 997 00:57:48,198 --> 00:57:50,568 it got me thinking. 998 00:57:50,635 --> 00:57:53,538 I got an old-fashioned streak. 999 00:57:53,604 --> 00:57:56,006 I want a normal life. 1000 00:57:56,073 --> 00:57:59,544 Johnny Dangerously can't live a normal life. 1001 00:57:59,610 --> 00:58:02,012 It ain't in the cards. 1002 00:58:02,079 --> 00:58:05,650 People like me, we're like shooting stars. 1003 00:58:05,716 --> 00:58:10,020 We cross the sky, burning hot for one moment, 1004 00:58:10,087 --> 00:58:13,624 and then we plunge to Earth, disappear. 1005 00:58:13,691 --> 00:58:17,394 Jesus Christ. I'm starting to upset myself. 1006 00:58:17,461 --> 00:58:21,065 Johnny, it doesn't have to be that way. 1007 00:58:21,131 --> 00:58:23,100 We can change. 1008 00:58:23,167 --> 00:58:25,069 I don't know, Lil. 1009 00:58:25,135 --> 00:58:27,004 Dare we dream? 1010 00:58:28,138 --> 00:58:29,506 Yeah. 1011 00:58:29,574 --> 00:58:31,508 Hanging curtains, 1012 00:58:31,576 --> 00:58:33,544 ironing shirts. 1013 00:58:33,611 --> 00:58:35,546 Yeah. Car pools, PTA. 1014 00:58:35,613 --> 00:58:37,514 Sharing a casserole recipe. 1015 00:58:37,582 --> 00:58:39,550 Putting up shelf paper. 1016 00:58:39,617 --> 00:58:41,986 Johnny, I love shelf paper. 1017 00:58:42,052 --> 00:58:45,155 A little house, white picket fence. 1018 00:58:45,222 --> 00:58:47,992 Kids and dogs in the yard. 1019 00:58:48,058 --> 00:58:51,629 Saying hi to a neighbor named Fred. 1020 00:58:51,696 --> 00:58:55,733 Maybe there is a rainbow for us out there. 1021 00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:58,736 Sure, me and Lil had dreams. 1022 00:58:58,803 --> 00:59:01,739 But when you're in crime, kid, dreams don't always come true. 1023 00:59:08,646 --> 00:59:10,114 Follow him. 1024 00:59:18,322 --> 00:59:21,225 Park it in this slot here. 1025 00:59:21,291 --> 00:59:23,060 It's for the handicapped. 1026 00:59:23,127 --> 00:59:26,130 I am handicapped. I'm psychotic. 1027 00:59:29,634 --> 00:59:32,837 I now pronounce you man and wife. 1028 00:59:32,903 --> 00:59:35,305 You may kiss the bride. 1029 00:59:41,545 --> 00:59:44,481 You're like a daughter to me. 1030 00:59:44,548 --> 00:59:47,384 I want to share something with you. 1031 00:59:47,451 --> 00:59:49,019 What's that? 1032 00:59:49,086 --> 00:59:50,988 I go both ways. 1033 00:59:51,055 --> 00:59:52,923 Oh. 1034 01:00:00,898 --> 01:00:03,000 I'm glad we waited. 1035 01:00:03,067 --> 01:00:03,834 Yes. 1036 01:00:03,901 --> 01:00:06,003 I can't wait anymore. 1037 01:00:06,070 --> 01:00:07,437 Okay, where? 1038 01:00:07,504 --> 01:00:09,339 Some place real close. 1039 01:00:30,227 --> 01:00:34,231 Tommy's excited, but does he know about foreplay? 1040 01:00:34,298 --> 01:00:36,200 He'll figure it out. 1041 01:00:36,266 --> 01:00:40,237 When will you follow your brother's example, Johnny Kelly? 1042 01:00:40,304 --> 01:00:42,740 Brothers. Ha ha ha! 1043 01:00:43,741 --> 01:00:46,143 I knew there was something. 1044 01:00:48,045 --> 01:00:51,015 Oh, leave your face right there. 1045 01:00:51,849 --> 01:00:53,617 How do you like that? 1046 01:00:53,684 --> 01:00:56,353 Johnny Dangerously is Tommy Kelly's brother. 1047 01:00:56,420 --> 01:00:58,055 What? 1048 01:00:58,122 --> 01:01:01,025 Dangerously is the D.A.'s brother. 1049 01:01:01,091 --> 01:01:03,393 Ha ha ha! 1050 01:01:08,565 --> 01:01:11,368 That's it? You little shit! 1051 01:01:11,435 --> 01:01:14,972 * Say hello to Jesus * 1052 01:01:15,039 --> 01:01:19,543 * Take Mr. Jesus by the hand ** 1053 01:01:19,609 --> 01:01:22,880 Hallelujah! [ Crash ] 1054 01:01:24,614 --> 01:01:27,718 We were waiting in the car. 1055 01:01:27,785 --> 01:01:30,855 I wondered what happened to my brother. 1056 01:01:30,921 --> 01:01:34,258 I'm Johnny Kelly's brother, not Johnny Dangerously's. 1057 01:01:34,324 --> 01:01:38,963 Just a matter of time, wasn't it, kid? 1058 01:01:39,029 --> 01:01:41,398 Listen. Just don't tell Ma. 1059 01:01:41,465 --> 01:01:44,068 When I put you behind bars, 1060 01:01:44,134 --> 01:01:48,839 your picture will be in every newspaper in this country! 1061 01:01:48,906 --> 01:01:51,075 Why, Johnny? Why? 1062 01:01:51,141 --> 01:01:56,580 Maybe it's because that dealer in the sky shuffles the cards... 1063 01:01:56,646 --> 01:01:59,984 and we just play what we're dealt. 1064 01:02:00,050 --> 01:02:02,552 It's against the law to gamble! 1065 01:02:02,619 --> 01:02:04,121 Christ. 1066 01:02:04,188 --> 01:02:06,556 I took an oath to fight crime. 1067 01:02:06,623 --> 01:02:08,993 I can't go against my brother. 1068 01:02:09,059 --> 01:02:11,395 We'll settle this with our fists. 1069 01:02:11,461 --> 01:02:13,230 Whoa! Wait a minute! 1070 01:02:13,297 --> 01:02:16,633 You can't fight me. I'm too good. 1071 01:02:16,700 --> 01:02:18,568 I'll take my chances. 1072 01:02:18,635 --> 01:02:20,204 Okay. 1073 01:02:20,270 --> 01:02:22,606 I win, you quit. 1074 01:02:22,672 --> 01:02:25,209 You win, I quit. 1075 01:02:25,275 --> 01:02:26,743 All right. 1076 01:02:34,985 --> 01:02:37,087 Johnny, take a dive. 1077 01:02:39,589 --> 01:02:41,025 Oh! 1078 01:02:45,062 --> 01:02:48,933 I didn't know you packed such a wallop. 1079 01:02:48,999 --> 01:02:50,901 All right, Tom, you win. 1080 01:02:50,968 --> 01:02:53,003 I'm going legit. 1081 01:02:53,070 --> 01:02:55,906 Gee, thanks, Johnny. 1082 01:02:57,141 --> 01:02:58,408 Hey! 1083 01:02:58,475 --> 01:03:00,444 All right! 1084 01:03:04,448 --> 01:03:06,016 [ Coughing ] 1085 01:03:06,083 --> 01:03:09,186 This time, I really was going legit. 1086 01:03:09,253 --> 01:03:12,489 All I had to do was make the gang understand. 1087 01:03:15,459 --> 01:03:17,394 [ Bang ] 1088 01:03:17,461 --> 01:03:19,496 Who did that? 1089 01:03:19,563 --> 01:03:22,566 Aw, sorry. Did I get you? 1090 01:03:22,632 --> 01:03:24,534 You ruined the jacket. 1091 01:03:24,601 --> 01:03:26,971 Aw! See? 1092 01:03:27,037 --> 01:03:29,106 When will we tell the boys about Johnny? 1093 01:03:29,173 --> 01:03:34,244 As soon as he gets here. I wanna see the look on his face. 1094 01:03:34,311 --> 01:03:37,581 [ Coughing ] 1095 01:03:40,217 --> 01:03:43,220 You're not doing yourself any good. 1096 01:03:43,287 --> 01:03:48,258 And for you kids out there who are thinking about smoking, 1097 01:03:48,325 --> 01:03:49,726 don't start. 1098 01:03:49,793 --> 01:03:52,162 And if you started, stop. 1099 01:03:52,229 --> 01:03:55,132 Smoking don't make you look tough. 1100 01:03:55,199 --> 01:03:57,767 It makes you look stupid. 1101 01:03:57,834 --> 01:04:01,105 Put chewing gum in your mouth instead. 1102 01:04:01,171 --> 01:04:03,207 That's what Johnny does. 1103 01:04:03,273 --> 01:04:09,213 Smoking is the worst thing you can do to your body. 1104 01:04:09,279 --> 01:04:11,248 Huh uh ya! 1105 01:04:11,315 --> 01:04:12,782 See? 1106 01:04:12,849 --> 01:04:15,185 Hey, Johnny, let's have it. 1107 01:04:15,252 --> 01:04:18,388 I'll be late for target practice. 1108 01:04:18,455 --> 01:04:20,824 There's an opera letting out. 1109 01:04:20,891 --> 01:04:22,292 All right. 1110 01:04:22,359 --> 01:04:24,962 - Johnny Dangerously's going legit. - Le what? 1111 01:04:25,029 --> 01:04:27,331 Legit. Le why? 1112 01:04:27,397 --> 01:04:30,767 Because Johnny Dangerously is Johnny Kelly, 1113 01:04:30,834 --> 01:04:32,970 D.A. Tommy Kelly's brother. 1114 01:04:37,975 --> 01:04:40,177 Johnny, is this true? 1115 01:04:40,244 --> 01:04:43,047 I don't know how to react. 1116 01:04:43,113 --> 01:04:46,716 Yeah, kid, it is true. 1117 01:04:46,783 --> 01:04:49,053 Tommy Kelly is my brother. 1118 01:04:49,119 --> 01:04:51,121 I'm proud of him. 1119 01:04:51,188 --> 01:04:53,723 Sure. You worked with him, 1120 01:04:53,790 --> 01:04:56,093 helping him in his career. 1121 01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:58,695 Now that he's on top, 1122 01:04:58,762 --> 01:05:01,731 you're running out on us. 1123 01:05:01,798 --> 01:05:04,668 You don't care about crime. 1124 01:05:04,734 --> 01:05:06,103 That's right. 1125 01:05:06,170 --> 01:05:08,572 I don't care about crime? 1126 01:05:08,638 --> 01:05:13,177 I've been devoted to crime since I was 12. 1127 01:05:13,243 --> 01:05:17,681 I think we ought to enjoy what we got. 1128 01:05:17,747 --> 01:05:19,749 We got plenty. 1129 01:05:19,816 --> 01:05:22,586 I'm closing this store for good. 1130 01:05:22,652 --> 01:05:26,123 Well, I'm reopening it under new management. 1131 01:05:26,190 --> 01:05:28,158 Oh, no, you're not. 1132 01:05:28,225 --> 01:05:32,196 You don't have the keys, and I do. 1133 01:05:32,262 --> 01:05:35,732 I'm giving them to the crime commissioner. 1134 01:05:35,799 --> 01:05:38,168 And us with them, huh? 1135 01:05:38,235 --> 01:05:41,305 I knew it. He's turning squealer. 1136 01:05:41,371 --> 01:05:43,207 You know, 1137 01:05:43,273 --> 01:05:46,310 I'm bored with slapping you around. 1138 01:05:46,376 --> 01:05:48,645 Bores me. 1139 01:05:50,814 --> 01:05:52,749 Don't worry, fellas. 1140 01:05:52,816 --> 01:05:55,752 You guys are in the clear. 1141 01:05:55,819 --> 01:05:57,721 It's me they're after. 1142 01:05:57,787 --> 01:05:59,556 [ Coughing ] 1143 01:06:02,326 --> 01:06:05,662 Dirty Jew, shanty nigger, white trash bastard! 1144 01:06:05,729 --> 01:06:09,666 Go ahead! Walk all over the little beggar! 1145 01:06:23,913 --> 01:06:25,815 Commissioner, 1146 01:06:25,882 --> 01:06:29,019 there's the evidence against me, just like I promised. 1147 01:06:29,086 --> 01:06:32,922 Use it. I'm ready to pay my debt. 1148 01:06:32,989 --> 01:06:34,724 Hey, 1149 01:06:34,791 --> 01:06:36,826 how about a thank you? 1150 01:06:36,893 --> 01:06:40,497 Hey, how about me getting out of here? 1151 01:06:40,564 --> 01:06:43,533 Hey, how about me getting knocked out? 1152 01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:59,749 Hey, Johnny, I'd love to stick around, see how this turns out, 1153 01:06:59,816 --> 01:07:02,752 but I got a store to open. 1154 01:07:12,096 --> 01:07:15,165 Ha ha ha! 1155 01:07:18,602 --> 01:07:21,671 You lousy Wop, Slovak, Chink, Jap, 1156 01:07:21,738 --> 01:07:23,107 Polack, Kraut, fags! 1157 01:07:23,173 --> 01:07:25,509 Hiya, doll. What's your name? 1158 01:07:25,575 --> 01:07:29,012 Mary Margaret Katherine Danine. 1159 01:07:29,079 --> 01:07:30,914 How'd you like to make some money? 1160 01:07:30,980 --> 01:07:33,250 One at a time or together? 1161 01:07:33,317 --> 01:07:37,387 How much to clean 708 and forget you saw us? 1162 01:07:37,454 --> 01:07:39,789 $17,000. 1163 01:07:39,856 --> 01:07:42,559 All right, 17 grand it is. 1164 01:07:42,626 --> 01:07:46,062 Forget we ever gave you this money. 1165 01:07:46,130 --> 01:07:48,064 What money? 1166 01:07:48,132 --> 01:07:50,200 That-a girl. 1167 01:07:53,170 --> 01:07:55,004 Johnny! Johnny! 1168 01:07:55,071 --> 01:07:57,674 One at a time, boys. 1169 01:07:57,741 --> 01:07:59,576 Did you do it? 1170 01:07:59,643 --> 01:08:02,679 You know better than to ask that. 1171 01:08:02,746 --> 01:08:04,581 Explain the gun. 1172 01:08:04,648 --> 01:08:08,185 I been framed like the Mona Lisa. 1173 01:08:08,252 --> 01:08:11,121 Why were you seeing the commissioner? 1174 01:08:11,188 --> 01:08:13,056 I was going legit. 1175 01:08:13,123 --> 01:08:14,158 Le what? 1176 01:08:14,224 --> 01:08:15,859 Legit. As in legitimate. 1177 01:08:15,925 --> 01:08:17,127 Oh. Oh. 1178 01:08:17,194 --> 01:08:19,263 How about a picture? 1179 01:08:19,329 --> 01:08:23,133 Sure. It's the first picture of Johnny Dangerously, 1180 01:08:23,200 --> 01:08:26,069 so make it a good one. 1181 01:08:26,136 --> 01:08:27,437 Great. 1182 01:08:27,504 --> 01:08:28,738 Thanks. 1183 01:08:28,805 --> 01:08:30,640 All right. Thank you. 1184 01:08:35,245 --> 01:08:37,247 Empty your pockets, Johnny. 1185 01:08:43,753 --> 01:08:44,888 Wait a minute. 1186 01:08:44,954 --> 01:08:47,791 I can't find my cigarette case. 1187 01:08:47,857 --> 01:08:49,726 Maybe it's in another suit. 1188 01:08:49,793 --> 01:08:51,761 I don't think... 1189 01:08:51,828 --> 01:08:54,164 Your car. No. 1190 01:08:54,231 --> 01:08:56,800 Maybe it's on the sink. 1191 01:08:56,866 --> 01:08:59,603 No. It's my good luck piece. 1192 01:08:59,669 --> 01:09:03,139 Whoever has it bumped off the commissioner. 1193 01:09:04,107 --> 01:09:05,642 Excuse me. 1194 01:09:05,709 --> 01:09:09,246 Johnny, I brought your bail money. 1195 01:09:09,313 --> 01:09:12,516 - [ Whistles ] - I hate to disappoint you. 1196 01:09:12,582 --> 01:09:14,884 Johnny's being held without bail. 1197 01:09:14,951 --> 01:09:16,853 By whose orders? 1198 01:09:16,920 --> 01:09:18,922 The man who's prosecuting... 1199 01:09:18,988 --> 01:09:20,890 The D.A. himself. 1200 01:09:22,659 --> 01:09:26,162 This is what you call going legit? 1201 01:09:26,230 --> 01:09:29,266 I swear, I been set up. 1202 01:09:29,333 --> 01:09:33,203 Find the cigarette case, you'll find the murderer. 1203 01:09:33,270 --> 01:09:35,472 There are a million cigarette cases. 1204 01:09:35,539 --> 01:09:38,542 Only one has a bullet dent and smells like gum. 1205 01:09:38,608 --> 01:09:40,577 Don't say anything until you get a lawyer. 1206 01:09:40,644 --> 01:09:43,713 I can handle my own brother. 1207 01:09:43,780 --> 01:09:45,749 You and he... 1208 01:09:45,815 --> 01:09:47,784 Me and him's brothers. 1209 01:09:47,851 --> 01:09:49,886 We were brothers. 1210 01:09:49,953 --> 01:09:51,154 Brothers! 1211 01:09:51,221 --> 01:09:53,156 Hey, wait, I'll go! 1212 01:09:53,223 --> 01:09:55,559 Get out of my way! 1213 01:09:56,926 --> 01:09:58,662 Yo! 1214 01:10:05,269 --> 01:10:07,136 Is that the city edition? 1215 01:10:07,203 --> 01:10:08,638 What? 1216 01:10:08,705 --> 01:10:12,141 I said, is that the city edition? 1217 01:10:12,208 --> 01:10:13,777 Oh, no. 1218 01:10:13,843 --> 01:10:15,779 Son of a bitch. 1219 01:10:15,845 --> 01:10:17,681 Now I'm deaf! 1220 01:10:26,222 --> 01:10:27,757 He's guilty. 1221 01:10:27,824 --> 01:10:29,158 He's guilty. 1222 01:10:29,225 --> 01:10:30,760 Guilty. 1223 01:10:30,827 --> 01:10:32,296 Aah! 1224 01:10:35,365 --> 01:10:36,966 Mrs. Kelly. 1225 01:10:37,033 --> 01:10:39,803 Get me from me best side. 1226 01:10:39,869 --> 01:10:41,805 Got anything to say? 1227 01:10:41,871 --> 01:10:43,673 I got mixed feelings... 1228 01:10:43,740 --> 01:10:46,776 Thrilled for Tommy, sad for Johnny. 1229 01:10:46,843 --> 01:10:48,177 Mr. Kelly. 1230 01:10:48,244 --> 01:10:49,713 No comment. 1231 01:10:49,779 --> 01:10:53,717 This is the toughest thing I've ever done. 1232 01:10:56,286 --> 01:10:58,254 Nice work, Mr. D.A. 1233 01:10:58,322 --> 01:11:00,690 My name is Danny Vermin. 1234 01:11:00,757 --> 01:11:03,727 I was associated with your brother. 1235 01:11:03,793 --> 01:11:08,332 Thank you for sending him to the hot seat. 1236 01:11:09,265 --> 01:11:10,667 Ha ha ha! 1237 01:11:10,734 --> 01:11:13,337 Watch. Johnny taught me this. 1238 01:11:14,604 --> 01:11:15,705 Aah! 1239 01:11:15,772 --> 01:11:19,309 You shouldn't kick me in the balls. 1240 01:11:19,376 --> 01:11:23,212 My sister kicked me in the balls once. 1241 01:11:23,279 --> 01:11:25,615 Look, Mom. 1242 01:11:25,682 --> 01:11:27,451 It's Johnny's cigarette case. 1243 01:11:27,517 --> 01:11:30,119 The one he was talking about. 1244 01:11:30,186 --> 01:11:31,621 Give me that. 1245 01:11:31,688 --> 01:11:34,157 It's my brother's cigarette case. 1246 01:11:34,223 --> 01:11:36,159 Johnny didn't do it. 1247 01:11:36,225 --> 01:11:38,194 I'll get you, Vermin, 1248 01:11:38,261 --> 01:11:40,897 if it's the last thing I do. 1249 01:11:40,964 --> 01:11:44,668 It just might be, Mr. D.A. 1250 01:11:47,236 --> 01:11:49,238 Johnny ain't guilty, 1251 01:11:49,305 --> 01:11:53,076 and you sent him to the big house. 1252 01:12:01,885 --> 01:12:04,488 Johnny, it's an honor to have you on death row. 1253 01:12:04,554 --> 01:12:07,223 Don't be silly. The pleasure's all mine. 1254 01:12:07,290 --> 01:12:11,194 Hi, Pop. Still here, huh? You bet. 1255 01:12:11,260 --> 01:12:13,597 Tough break. John. 1256 01:12:13,663 --> 01:12:16,232 How the hell are you? 1257 01:12:16,299 --> 01:12:18,267 You're beautiful, Johnny. 1258 01:12:18,334 --> 01:12:21,971 Why don't you get the boys some quiche? 1259 01:12:22,038 --> 01:12:24,040 There you go. 1260 01:12:24,107 --> 01:12:27,076 Es spiritus sanctum. 1261 01:12:27,143 --> 01:12:31,648 Johnny, this is one of our best guards, Tony. 1262 01:12:31,715 --> 01:12:33,783 Hiya, Tony. How are you? 1263 01:12:33,850 --> 01:12:37,387 You took a shot at me once. 1264 01:12:37,454 --> 01:12:39,656 I never forget a gun. 1265 01:12:39,723 --> 01:12:43,026 Are we going to do this or what? 1266 01:12:55,505 --> 01:12:57,507 There's nothing left. Look. 1267 01:12:57,574 --> 01:12:59,676 Finest metal. 1268 01:12:59,743 --> 01:13:04,548 I keep telling you, Howard, the boy needs a role model. 1269 01:13:04,614 --> 01:13:06,650 Rocky, I'm so horny. 1270 01:13:06,716 --> 01:13:11,020 Oh, Johnny, Vermin's turning the place into a dive. 1271 01:13:11,087 --> 01:13:12,622 And Johnny... 1272 01:13:12,689 --> 01:13:17,126 Don't tell me. He put in a salad bar. 1273 01:13:17,193 --> 01:13:19,596 He's making a play for me. 1274 01:13:19,663 --> 01:13:24,200 Wait a minute. That's just what we want. 1275 01:13:24,267 --> 01:13:26,402 I got to prove he framed me. 1276 01:13:26,470 --> 01:13:29,038 Lil, play up to him. 1277 01:13:29,105 --> 01:13:32,809 But, Johnny... No "buts." Keep your eyes and ears open. 1278 01:13:32,876 --> 01:13:36,012 The first thing you hear, get it to me on the grapevine. 1279 01:13:36,079 --> 01:13:38,815 Got it. That-a girl. 1280 01:13:38,882 --> 01:13:40,817 Come here. 1281 01:13:46,490 --> 01:13:49,392 Next time, I'll bring a can opener. 1282 01:13:49,459 --> 01:13:51,895 Good idea. Come here. 1283 01:13:55,431 --> 01:13:57,601 Yo! 1284 01:14:06,510 --> 01:14:08,845 I can hear again and I can see. 1285 01:14:08,912 --> 01:14:12,982 I can hear again and I can see! 1286 01:14:13,049 --> 01:14:15,184 But who am I? 1287 01:14:22,325 --> 01:14:24,761 Tommy, please eat something. 1288 01:14:24,828 --> 01:14:27,130 I not gonna eat until I've saved my brother. 1289 01:14:27,196 --> 01:14:31,167 Keep up the good work, Governor Kelly. 1290 01:14:34,037 --> 01:14:36,172 So it's governor? 1291 01:14:36,239 --> 01:14:38,341 Just cheap talk, Mom. 1292 01:14:38,407 --> 01:14:42,111 Anybody that would send his brother to the hot seat gets my vote. 1293 01:14:42,178 --> 01:14:46,816 Mom! I'm trying to prove Johnny's innocence. 1294 01:14:46,883 --> 01:14:49,819 If I leave things to you, 1295 01:14:49,886 --> 01:14:52,722 Johnny will fry like his father. 1296 01:14:52,789 --> 01:14:57,894 Your old mom just might have something for you tonight. 1297 01:15:08,672 --> 01:15:10,239 Who is it? 1298 01:15:10,306 --> 01:15:12,842 Open up. It's Ma Kelly. 1299 01:15:12,909 --> 01:15:16,580 What do you want? I gotta talk to you. 1300 01:15:16,646 --> 01:15:18,982 We have nothing to say to each other. 1301 01:15:19,048 --> 01:15:22,786 We got a lot to say. We got a lot in common. 1302 01:15:22,852 --> 01:15:24,721 We both scrub floors, 1303 01:15:24,788 --> 01:15:26,723 we're both swell lookers, 1304 01:15:26,790 --> 01:15:28,658 and we're not Chinese. 1305 01:15:28,725 --> 01:15:31,294 You been doing your homework. 1306 01:15:31,360 --> 01:15:33,262 What do you want? 1307 01:15:33,329 --> 01:15:38,167 - How much do you want to tell the truth? - $19,500. 1308 01:15:41,437 --> 01:15:44,273 Boy, am I having a good year! 1309 01:15:49,913 --> 01:15:51,748 What's the matter, you got no manners? 1310 01:15:51,815 --> 01:15:55,752 Send me a bill for the door. You don't even wait for the body to get cold. 1311 01:15:55,819 --> 01:15:57,887 I go where the action is. 1312 01:15:57,954 --> 01:16:00,523 Where's your mom? You send her up the river too? 1313 01:16:00,590 --> 01:16:02,759 What do you want, Mr. D.A.? 1314 01:16:02,826 --> 01:16:05,795 And make it quick, huh? 1315 01:16:05,862 --> 01:16:08,431 I have a subpoena for you. 1316 01:16:08,497 --> 01:16:12,335 What for? You ain't got a thing on me. 1317 01:16:12,401 --> 01:16:17,340 Does the name Mary Margaret Katherine Danine strike a familiar chord? 1318 01:16:17,406 --> 01:16:19,442 I'm tone deaf. 1319 01:16:19,508 --> 01:16:21,811 Too bad. She's singing like a canary. 1320 01:16:21,878 --> 01:16:25,248 We got her in her own cage. 1321 01:16:25,314 --> 01:16:28,284 I'm going to enjoy sending you to the chair. 1322 01:16:28,351 --> 01:16:33,857 Come on, boys. I don't like the smell here. 1323 01:16:33,923 --> 01:16:37,393 That cleaning dame will spill her guts. 1324 01:16:37,460 --> 01:16:39,829 We can't get to her. 1325 01:16:39,896 --> 01:16:42,966 But we can get to him. 1326 01:16:43,032 --> 01:16:44,433 How, boss? 1327 01:16:44,500 --> 01:16:46,870 Don't you listen to the radio? 1328 01:16:46,936 --> 01:16:49,238 The governor and D.A. Tommy Kelly... 1329 01:16:49,305 --> 01:16:53,242 will attend the premiere of the new James Cagney movie tomorrow night. 1330 01:16:53,309 --> 01:16:56,379 Should be clear skies as the governor and D.A. Tommy Kelly... 1331 01:16:56,445 --> 01:16:58,381 attend the new James Cagney movie. 1332 01:16:58,447 --> 01:17:01,450 Which theater? 1333 01:17:01,517 --> 01:17:03,286 [ Radio ] The Savoy, on 37th. 1334 01:17:03,352 --> 01:17:06,656 It will be like shooting ducks in a pond. 1335 01:17:06,723 --> 01:17:08,992 Once we knock the D.A. off, 1336 01:17:09,058 --> 01:17:12,662 that cleaning dame will clam up just fine. 1337 01:17:15,699 --> 01:17:17,834 Get this to Johnny on the grapevine. 1338 01:17:17,901 --> 01:17:20,436 Vermin's going to kill Johnny's brother... 1339 01:17:20,503 --> 01:17:22,505 at the Savoy Theater tomorrow night. 1340 01:17:22,571 --> 01:17:24,808 Got it? Got it. 1341 01:17:31,214 --> 01:17:34,450 Vermin's going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy Theater. 1342 01:17:34,517 --> 01:17:36,585 Pass it on. 1343 01:17:36,652 --> 01:17:39,588 Vermin's going to kill Johnny's brother. 1344 01:17:39,655 --> 01:17:42,591 Vermin's going to kill Johnny's mother. 1345 01:17:42,658 --> 01:17:46,095 Vermin's mother is going to kill Johnny. 1346 01:17:46,162 --> 01:17:48,998 [ Mumbling ] 1347 01:17:49,065 --> 01:17:51,534 Urgent message through the grapevine. 1348 01:17:51,600 --> 01:17:54,704 Yeah? What is it? 1349 01:17:54,771 --> 01:17:59,375 Johnny and the mothers are playin' "Stompin" at the Savoy in Vermont. 1350 01:17:59,442 --> 01:18:02,278 Vermin's going to kill my brother at the Savoy? 1351 01:18:02,345 --> 01:18:04,280 I didn't say that. 1352 01:18:04,347 --> 01:18:06,315 I know this grapevine. 1353 01:18:06,382 --> 01:18:09,685 I got to get out of here. 1354 01:18:11,320 --> 01:18:12,655 Guard! 1355 01:18:12,722 --> 01:18:14,791 Come here. 1356 01:18:15,725 --> 01:18:17,160 Yeah? 1357 01:18:17,226 --> 01:18:20,429 Smell that food. I think it's rotten. 1358 01:18:42,819 --> 01:18:45,321 What's all this about, Johnny? 1359 01:18:45,388 --> 01:18:47,757 I can't take it, Warden! 1360 01:18:47,824 --> 01:18:50,794 Send me to the chair tonight! 1361 01:18:50,860 --> 01:18:52,728 The waiting's driving me crazy! 1362 01:18:52,796 --> 01:18:54,898 You still got two weeks. 1363 01:18:54,964 --> 01:18:57,733 I don't want them! Fry me tonight! 1364 01:18:57,801 --> 01:19:00,336 Anything for you. 1365 01:19:00,403 --> 01:19:02,806 We'll bump Steinberg. 1366 01:19:02,872 --> 01:19:06,075 Dangerously will go to the chair tonight. 1367 01:19:13,716 --> 01:19:16,585 Everyone who is anyone is here tonight, 1368 01:19:16,652 --> 01:19:20,156 including Mr. Crimefighter, District Attorney Tommy Kelly. 1369 01:19:20,223 --> 01:19:24,260 They're talking about you as our next governor. 1370 01:19:24,327 --> 01:19:26,095 That's very nice, 1371 01:19:26,162 --> 01:19:28,731 but all I'm concerned about... 1372 01:19:28,798 --> 01:19:31,134 is proving my brother's innocence. 1373 01:19:31,200 --> 01:19:35,371 Johnny, if you're listening, I love you. 1374 01:19:45,348 --> 01:19:47,150 Your turn, Johnny. 1375 01:19:47,216 --> 01:19:50,286 The priest you requested has arrived. 1376 01:19:50,353 --> 01:19:52,721 Are you ready, my son? 1377 01:19:52,788 --> 01:19:56,792 I'm ready if you are, Father. 1378 01:20:02,165 --> 01:20:04,567 Dominus obiscum, Nabisco. 1379 01:20:04,633 --> 01:20:06,735 Espiritus sanctum. 1380 01:20:06,802 --> 01:20:09,772 They gustovus... So long, Johnny. 1381 01:20:09,839 --> 01:20:11,340 Me gustovus, you gustovus. 1382 01:20:11,407 --> 01:20:14,878 We miss the bus, they miss the bus. 1383 01:20:14,944 --> 01:20:17,346 Be brave, Johnny. 1384 01:20:17,413 --> 01:20:19,215 When's the next bus? 1385 01:20:19,282 --> 01:20:21,851 Sum cum laude, magnum cum laude, 1386 01:20:21,918 --> 01:20:24,387 the radio's still laude. 1387 01:20:24,453 --> 01:20:26,222 Good luck, Johnny. 1388 01:20:26,289 --> 01:20:28,657 Semper fidelus, high fidelus. 1389 01:20:28,724 --> 01:20:31,627 Why didn't I take shop? 1390 01:20:31,694 --> 01:20:36,632 Post meridian, antimeridian, Uncle Meridian, all the little meridians. 1391 01:20:36,699 --> 01:20:39,168 Good-bye, Johnny. Good-bye, Rock. 1392 01:20:39,235 --> 01:20:41,737 The Magna Carta, Master Charga... 1393 01:20:41,804 --> 01:20:44,207 Spit in his eye, Johnny. 1394 01:20:44,273 --> 01:20:47,610 Dumpro kelus, lots of Vitalis. You bet, Rabbi. 1395 01:20:50,179 --> 01:20:52,916 Do you have any last words, Johnny? 1396 01:20:54,650 --> 01:20:57,353 Well said. 1397 01:21:03,659 --> 01:21:08,164 Okay, Warden. This is where we say good-bye. 1398 01:21:08,231 --> 01:21:12,668 You weren't really going to kill me, were you? 1399 01:21:12,735 --> 01:21:14,603 What, with this? 1400 01:21:22,678 --> 01:21:27,250 [ Siren Blaring ] 1401 01:21:27,316 --> 01:21:28,918 [ Radio ] Calling all cars. 1402 01:21:28,985 --> 01:21:32,555 Johnny Dangerously has just escaped from state prison. 1403 01:21:32,621 --> 01:21:36,993 Could I have a popcorn, a Milk Duds, and a white fish? 1404 01:21:55,444 --> 01:21:57,981 When we going to give it to him? 1405 01:21:58,047 --> 01:22:00,483 Just when Cagney gets his in the movie, 1406 01:22:00,549 --> 01:22:03,719 a few minutes from now. 1407 01:22:03,786 --> 01:22:05,955 Calling all cars. Calling all cars. 1408 01:22:06,022 --> 01:22:08,157 Be on the lookout for Johnny Dangerously... 1409 01:22:08,224 --> 01:22:10,126 and two accomplices in a black sedan. 1410 01:22:10,193 --> 01:22:11,961 I repeat, in a black sedan. 1411 01:22:12,028 --> 01:22:14,763 Black sedan, huh? 1412 01:22:14,830 --> 01:22:16,732 We'll see about that. 1413 01:22:16,799 --> 01:22:18,767 I hope this works. 1414 01:22:18,834 --> 01:22:21,170 It always does at home. 1415 01:22:21,237 --> 01:22:23,339 Come on, shelf paper. 1416 01:22:28,044 --> 01:22:30,479 Step back or they'll plug me. 1417 01:22:30,546 --> 01:22:32,715 Get out of the way, boss. No! 1418 01:22:57,173 --> 01:22:59,108 Calling all cars. Calling all cars. 1419 01:22:59,175 --> 01:23:01,044 Johnny Dangerously now driving a white sedan, 1420 01:23:01,110 --> 01:23:03,979 disguised as a trout Fisherman. 1421 01:23:04,047 --> 01:23:06,315 Johnny, we've been spotted. 1422 01:23:09,152 --> 01:23:11,620 Peel the next layer. 1423 01:23:14,323 --> 01:23:17,426 Someday that will be in Johnny Junior's room. 1424 01:23:17,493 --> 01:23:19,628 Sure, sure. 1425 01:23:19,695 --> 01:23:22,965 There he goes. Get him! Don't let him get away. 1426 01:23:23,032 --> 01:23:25,634 He knows too much. 1427 01:23:27,336 --> 01:23:31,607 Calling all cars. Be on the lookout for... 1428 01:23:31,674 --> 01:23:33,509 Now, listen to this. 1429 01:23:33,576 --> 01:23:35,611 Dangerously and accomplices, dressed as nuns, 1430 01:23:35,678 --> 01:23:40,483 driving a sedan covered with... oh, you'll love this... duckies and bunnies. 1431 01:23:40,549 --> 01:23:43,552 Calling all cars, calling all cars. 1432 01:23:43,619 --> 01:23:46,355 Come to Dooley's bar. I'm buying. 1433 01:23:53,462 --> 01:23:56,165 There's something you don't see every day. 1434 01:23:58,401 --> 01:24:00,903 Everybody stay where you are. 1435 01:24:00,969 --> 01:24:03,038 Alan, keep down. 1436 01:24:12,448 --> 01:24:14,817 You might as well come down, Pembroke. 1437 01:24:14,883 --> 01:24:17,786 There's no one left but you. 1438 01:24:28,664 --> 01:24:30,366 Ah, shit. 1439 01:24:30,433 --> 01:24:31,800 Aah! 1440 01:24:36,972 --> 01:24:38,841 Johnny, are you okay? 1441 01:24:38,907 --> 01:24:40,943 Sure, kid. 1442 01:24:41,009 --> 01:24:43,279 You didn't get hit, did you? 1443 01:24:43,346 --> 01:24:45,414 I don't think so. 1444 01:24:47,416 --> 01:24:50,119 Boy, does that come in handy! 1445 01:24:50,186 --> 01:24:53,622 You would have taken the bullet for me. 1446 01:24:53,689 --> 01:24:57,226 I was counting on a lot of missing. 1447 01:24:57,293 --> 01:24:59,628 Johnny! Oh! 1448 01:24:59,695 --> 01:25:04,500 We'll have to take you back to the big house. 1449 01:25:04,567 --> 01:25:09,838 I have a witness that will clear Johnny. That's your man! 1450 01:25:09,905 --> 01:25:11,874 Officer, release this man. 1451 01:25:11,940 --> 01:25:14,577 I'm granting him a full pardon. 1452 01:25:14,643 --> 01:25:16,078 Oh, Johnny. 1453 01:25:16,145 --> 01:25:18,147 Hey, thanks, Gov. 1454 01:25:18,214 --> 01:25:21,116 You shouldn't shoot me, Johnny. 1455 01:25:21,184 --> 01:25:23,586 My grandmother shot me once. 1456 01:25:25,621 --> 01:25:28,991 Johnny, darling, you must be exhausted. 1457 01:25:29,057 --> 01:25:31,026 Breaking out of prison, 1458 01:25:31,093 --> 01:25:34,230 racing here to save your brother. 1459 01:25:34,297 --> 01:25:37,032 You've had a full day. 1460 01:25:37,099 --> 01:25:38,701 Funny, Ma, I'm not even tired. 1461 01:25:38,767 --> 01:25:42,305 Must have been that nap after lunch. 1462 01:25:42,371 --> 01:25:44,873 Oh, I'll have some stories... 1463 01:25:44,940 --> 01:25:47,243 to tell my grandchildren... 1464 01:25:47,310 --> 01:25:49,345 If I have any. 1465 01:25:49,412 --> 01:25:54,149 Lil, let's start a little gang of our own. 1466 01:25:54,217 --> 01:25:55,684 That okay? 1467 01:25:55,751 --> 01:25:57,553 Oh, Johnny, I like it. 1468 01:25:57,620 --> 01:26:00,756 Kid, I'll make you love it. 1469 01:26:06,862 --> 01:26:08,964 So that's my story. 1470 01:26:09,031 --> 01:26:11,099 I hope you learned something. 1471 01:26:11,166 --> 01:26:12,935 I sure did. 1472 01:26:13,001 --> 01:26:14,937 Wow! The electric chair. 1473 01:26:15,003 --> 01:26:16,539 I'm going straight. 1474 01:26:16,605 --> 01:26:19,308 You better see that you do, 1475 01:26:19,375 --> 01:26:21,910 or I'm coming after you. 1476 01:26:21,977 --> 01:26:23,779 Get out of here. 1477 01:26:23,846 --> 01:26:28,016 Wait. Aren't you forgetting something? 1478 01:26:28,083 --> 01:26:29,418 [ Meow ] 1479 01:26:32,355 --> 01:26:34,323 There you go. 1480 01:26:34,390 --> 01:26:36,425 Thanks, Mr. Kelly. 1481 01:26:38,561 --> 01:26:40,296 Hey, kid. 1482 01:26:40,363 --> 01:26:41,930 Don't forget. 1483 01:26:41,997 --> 01:26:43,799 Crime doesn't pay. 1484 01:26:43,866 --> 01:26:44,867 Right. 1485 01:26:46,969 --> 01:26:49,505 [ Horn Honks ] 1486 01:26:49,572 --> 01:26:51,407 Johnny. 1487 01:26:58,381 --> 01:27:00,816 Well, it paid a little. 1488 01:27:08,324 --> 01:27:09,625 * We're all alone * 1489 01:27:09,692 --> 01:27:13,028 * No chaperone can get our number * 1490 01:27:13,095 --> 01:27:15,264 * The world's in slumber * 1491 01:27:15,331 --> 01:27:17,666 * Let's misbehave * 1492 01:27:17,733 --> 01:27:20,303 * There's something wild about you, child * 1493 01:27:20,369 --> 01:27:22,505 * That's so contagious * 1494 01:27:22,571 --> 01:27:24,273 * Let's be outrageous * 1495 01:27:24,340 --> 01:27:26,675 * Let's misbehave * 1496 01:27:26,742 --> 01:27:28,544 * When Adam won eve's hand * 1497 01:27:28,611 --> 01:27:31,580 * He wouldn't stand for teasin' * 1498 01:27:31,647 --> 01:27:33,181 * He didn't care about * 1499 01:27:33,248 --> 01:27:36,352 * Those apples out of season * 1500 01:27:36,419 --> 01:27:38,387 * They say the spring means just one thing * 1501 01:27:38,454 --> 01:27:40,255 * To little lovebirds * 1502 01:27:40,323 --> 01:27:43,091 * We're not above birds * 1503 01:27:43,158 --> 01:27:45,461 * Let's misbehave * 1504 01:27:45,528 --> 01:27:47,530 * It's getting late, and while I wait * 1505 01:27:47,596 --> 01:27:50,032 * My poor heart aches on * 1506 01:27:50,098 --> 01:27:52,301 * Why keep the brakes on * 1507 01:27:52,368 --> 01:27:54,670 * Let's misbehave * 1508 01:27:54,737 --> 01:27:57,105 * I feel quite sure a good amour * 1509 01:27:57,172 --> 01:27:59,542 * Would be attractive * 1510 01:27:59,608 --> 01:28:02,044 * While we're still active * 1511 01:28:02,110 --> 01:28:04,447 * Let's misbehave * 1512 01:28:04,513 --> 01:28:06,281 * You know my heart is true * 1513 01:28:06,349 --> 01:28:09,084 * When you say you for me care * 1514 01:28:09,151 --> 01:28:10,686 * Somebody's sure to tell * 1515 01:28:10,753 --> 01:28:13,722 * But what the heck do we care * 1516 01:28:13,789 --> 01:28:16,024 * They say that bears have love affairs * 1517 01:28:16,091 --> 01:28:18,361 * And even camels * 1518 01:28:18,427 --> 01:28:20,629 * We're merely mammals * 1519 01:28:20,696 --> 01:28:23,098 * Let's misbehave * 1520 01:28:23,165 --> 01:28:24,800 * If you'd be oh, so sweet * 1521 01:28:24,867 --> 01:28:27,803 * And only heed your fate, dear * 1522 01:28:27,870 --> 01:28:32,475 * Would be the great event of 1928, dear * 1523 01:28:32,541 --> 01:28:34,677 * They say the spring means just one thing * 1524 01:28:34,743 --> 01:28:37,212 * To little lovebirds * 1525 01:28:37,279 --> 01:28:39,415 * We're not above birds * 1526 01:28:39,482 --> 01:28:43,652 * Let's misbehave **