1
00:01:18,540 --> 00:01:21,230
Salutations, snack.

2
00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:24,600
On second thought...

3
00:01:26,850 --> 00:01:28,870
9-1-1!

4
00:01:29,010 --> 00:01:31,980
Police! Civic authorities! ASPCA! ASAP!

5
00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:34,680
Murder! Betrayal! Kidnapped!

6
00:01:34,820 --> 00:01:36,450
No, birdnapped!

7
00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:40,420
A cup of garlic, a twist of parakeet.

8
00:01:40,530 --> 00:01:43,020
Eat your heart out, Julia Child.

9
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:49,590
Excuse me, but isn't it customary
for the jailbird to get one telephone call?

10
00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:51,730
In your case, I think not.

11
00:01:51,870 --> 00:01:54,460
Afternoon snacks have few civil liberties.

12
00:01:54,570 --> 00:01:56,670
But I'm not wholly without heart.

13
00:01:57,110 --> 00:01:59,470
How about a nice soothing cigarette?

14
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,150
Oh, I will not do this. I cannot!

15
00:02:08,590 --> 00:02:12,680
Oh, what a foul way for a bird to die!
I don't want to get beak cancer.

16
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,280
No! My lungs are blackened!

17
00:02:15,390 --> 00:02:18,090
Here we go again.
Cut, cut, cut! Roll it back.

18
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,860
- Help me...
- What are you doing? Daniel...

19
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,870
That line is not in the script.
Why did you add it?

20
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:27,440
- I wanted to comment on the situation.
- What situation?

21
00:02:27,770 --> 00:02:31,710
Shoving a cigarette into Pudgie's mouth
is morally irresponsible.

22
00:02:31,810 --> 00:02:35,640
This is a cartoon,
not a friggin' Oprah Winfrey Special.

23
00:02:35,750 --> 00:02:39,840
Lou, millions of kids see this cartoon.
It's like telling them "Light up. "

24
00:02:39,950 --> 00:02:43,650
You can't put words in Pudgie's mouth
if his mouth isn't moving.

25
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:47,380
It's voice-over. An interior monologue.
Maybe even the voice of God.

26
00:02:47,630 --> 00:02:50,530
Pudgie, don't smoke.

27
00:02:50,630 --> 00:02:53,720
- Actors.
- What? Let's ask the technicians.

28
00:02:53,830 --> 00:02:58,000
Do you think it's morally right
to promote smoking to the youth of America?

29
00:03:00,810 --> 00:03:05,740
- They're biased. That's a mistrial.
- This session costs the studio thousands.

30
00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,540
If you want a paycheck, stick to the script.

31
00:03:08,650 --> 00:03:12,670
If you want to play Gandhi,
then do it on somebody else's time.

32
00:03:18,220 --> 00:03:21,560
Then I've got to do what I've got to do.

33
00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:24,560
That's very funny.
Where the hell are you goin'?

34
00:03:24,660 --> 00:03:27,290
If you leave, you're not comin' back in.

35
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,330
I'm not takin' any crap from you, pal.

36
00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:33,500
Well, in the words of Porky Pig:

37
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,130
Piss off, Lou.

38
00:04:10,510 --> 00:04:13,340
- So what about that history test?
- Don't ask.

39
00:04:13,850 --> 00:04:18,280
- Did you have fun in school?
- I painted a picture of a rainbow.

40
00:04:21,250 --> 00:04:24,150
- Dad?
- Daddy!

41
00:04:24,590 --> 00:04:26,610
Daddy!

42
00:04:30,460 --> 00:04:34,190
- I thought you couldn't pick us up.
- Well, I got off early.

43
00:04:34,300 --> 00:04:38,790
- You mean you got fired?
- No, I quit. For reasons of conscience.

44
00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:39,870
Actors.

45
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:46,100
Dude, congratulations on your
12th birthday. Got a surprise for ya.

46
00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:48,300
- A stripper?
- Ooh, please!

47
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,280
- Two strippers?
- Hoo-hah, boy!

48
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:51,710
- A party?
- Yes!

49
00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:53,870
No. No parties.

50
00:04:54,020 --> 00:04:57,580
Mom said you couldn't have one
because of your report card.

51
00:04:57,690 --> 00:05:02,650
Mom's not gonna be
home for another four hours, is she?

52
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:08,030
Prepare yourself... for the wild kingdom.

53
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:32,820
Coming up toward the very end.
There she goes. And she wins that race.

54
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:34,950
Come on off now. Here we go.

55
00:05:36,860 --> 00:05:38,890
You want to feed him?

56
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,420
See if this guy will.

57
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:44,900
Sorry.

58
00:05:47,310 --> 00:05:49,330
Get out!

59
00:06:15,230 --> 00:06:19,170
<i>- Gregory, Henderson and Hillard.
- Miranda Hillard, please.</i>

60
00:06:21,370 --> 00:06:26,370
I know what you're going for with these
murals, but perhaps if they weren't so large.

61
00:06:26,510 --> 00:06:29,170
And let's do steel windows, not wood.

62
00:06:29,310 --> 00:06:33,270
Eliminate the Oriental rug.
Let's try an Aubusson carpet.

63
00:06:33,420 --> 00:06:35,890
- More pink than red.
- Good idea.

64
00:06:35,990 --> 00:06:38,010
Union Square Inn. This is better.

65
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:43,360
More Arts and Crafts. A Dirk Van Erp lamp,
a Stickley chair. Don't be seduced by chintz.

66
00:06:43,460 --> 00:06:46,230
Excuse me. Miranda,
can I speak to you for a minute?

67
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,630
- Yes. Excuse me.
- Certainly.

68
00:06:48,770 --> 00:06:50,790
Just be one minute.

69
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:54,840
I just got off the phone
with a Stuart Dunmeyer.

70
00:06:54,970 --> 00:06:58,530
- Stuart Dunmeyer?
- He said you were acquaintances.

71
00:06:58,640 --> 00:06:59,940
Stuart Dunmeyer?

72
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:04,170
He's putting millions into restoring
the old Wellman mansion on Nob Hill.

73
00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:09,240
- He wants to make it into a $500-a-night B&B.
- Yes, I read about it.

74
00:07:09,420 --> 00:07:12,450
- He's been doing very well.
- That's him.

75
00:07:12,590 --> 00:07:16,030
And he specifically asked for you, Miranda.

76
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:17,720
He did?

77
00:07:17,830 --> 00:07:20,920
- I told him you'd call first thing tomorrow.
- Yes, I will.

78
00:07:22,070 --> 00:07:25,520
Miss Hillard? The operator
has a Gloria Chaney on hold.

79
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,940
- She says it's an emergency.
- Excuse me.

80
00:07:30,110 --> 00:07:31,540
Gloria?

81
00:07:44,090 --> 00:07:46,960
- Oh, my God!
- Is this your residence, ma'am?

82
00:07:47,060 --> 00:07:49,080
Yes, I'm sorry to say it is.

83
00:07:49,230 --> 00:07:53,360
Are you aware it's illegal to possess
barnyard animals in a residential area?

84
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:57,400
- What if you're married to one?
- We're also responding to a noise violation.

85
00:07:57,540 --> 00:08:01,840
I'm going to respond myself.
I'm awfully sorry about this.

86
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:04,000
You ate my begonias! God!

87
00:08:05,410 --> 00:08:07,470
Get out of my way!

88
00:09:05,940 --> 00:09:08,460
Miranda! Whassup?

89
00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:11,310
You're home early, girlfriend.

90
00:09:11,410 --> 00:09:13,840
Havin' a birthday in the house.

91
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,510
What the hell is going on around here?

92
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,240
Don't get mad, honey. Listen.

93
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:24,120
You're home a little early. I was gonna
clean it all up before you got home.

94
00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,290
Honey... What are you looking for?

95
00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:33,860
I'd be careful.
That pony had a lot of water.

96
00:09:43,110 --> 00:09:44,870
Party's over.

97
00:09:48,510 --> 00:09:52,110
She called you
and you bust the birthday party. Great!

98
00:09:52,220 --> 00:09:55,910
Don't you dare
make me out to be the monster here, Daniel!

99
00:09:56,020 --> 00:09:58,680
You have all the fun
and I get whatever's left over.

100
00:09:58,790 --> 00:10:03,160
- You chose the career.
- I have no choices here. I have no choices!

101
00:10:03,260 --> 00:10:06,720
Even when I try to do something fun,
you do it ten times bigger!

102
00:10:06,830 --> 00:10:10,530
I bring home a cake and gifts.
You bring the goddamn San Diego Zoo!

103
00:10:10,670 --> 00:10:14,760
- And I have to clean up!
- It's not toxic waste, just a few party plates!

104
00:10:14,870 --> 00:10:17,840
Why am I the only one
that feels there has to be rules?

105
00:10:17,980 --> 00:10:20,310
Why do you always
make me out to be the heavy?

106
00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:23,180
I don't. You do it yourself quite naturally.

107
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:27,110
- You set me up every time to be the bad guy.
- Oh, lighten up, will ya?

108
00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:31,520
You spend too much time with
those corporate clones you used to despise.

109
00:10:31,620 --> 00:10:34,460
I spend too much time with you, Daniel.
It's over!

110
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:36,620
It's over.

111
00:10:38,460 --> 00:10:43,330
Come on, Miranda. We've got problems,
but who doesn't? We could work 'em out.

112
00:10:43,670 --> 00:10:47,330
We've been trying to work them out
for 14 years.

113
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:52,240
Come on, please. Listen.
Maybe we need some help, OK?

114
00:10:52,380 --> 00:10:55,440
Maybe a family therapist
will help us do this together.

115
00:10:55,580 --> 00:10:57,570
It's too late for that.

116
00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:02,240
Well, let's take a vacation with the kids,
as a family. Get you away from work.

117
00:11:02,390 --> 00:11:05,750
You're a different person.
You really are. You're great.

118
00:11:05,860 --> 00:11:09,290
Our problems would be waiting for us
when we got back.

119
00:11:09,430 --> 00:11:12,790
We'll move, and hopefully
our problems won't follow us.

120
00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:15,090
Daniel, please don't joke.

121
00:11:16,430 --> 00:11:18,370
OK.

122
00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:25,040
We've just grown apart. We're different.

123
00:11:25,140 --> 00:11:29,240
- We have nothing in common.
- Oh, sure we do. We love each other.

124
00:11:35,490 --> 00:11:38,580
Come on, Miranda. We love each other.

125
00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:45,320
Don't we?

126
00:11:49,570 --> 00:11:51,630
I want a divorce.

127
00:11:53,070 --> 00:11:55,100
No.

128
00:12:01,450 --> 00:12:04,680
We can't. We're a family. You know?

129
00:12:06,550 --> 00:12:08,610
I'm so sorry.

130
00:12:48,430 --> 00:12:50,480
Yeah, Ma, he told me all about it.

131
00:12:51,930 --> 00:12:53,950
Yeah, Ma. I heard, I heard.

132
00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:58,700
- Well, yeah, he's here.
- No.

133
00:12:59,740 --> 00:13:02,330
Ma, he's not really in the mood to talk.

134
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,900
Yeah, depressed.
I mean, his marriage is ending.

135
00:13:06,010 --> 00:13:10,210
My marriage is not ending.
It's just on hiatus.

136
00:13:12,980 --> 00:13:15,350
Ma, I think he's in a little bit of denial.

137
00:13:15,450 --> 00:13:19,120
No, we're taking good care of
your little boy. Don't worry, Mom.

138
00:13:19,220 --> 00:13:22,560
- Hi, Evelyn. Thanks for the jam.
- She says you're welcome.

139
00:13:22,660 --> 00:13:26,100
That beige concealer.
When are we gettin' more of it?

140
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,820
- Next week.
- You hear that, Ma? Next week.

141
00:13:29,030 --> 00:13:30,730
Wait, hang on.

142
00:13:30,830 --> 00:13:33,560
- Enough already. It's a man.
- How would you know?

143
00:13:33,670 --> 00:13:35,370
Bitch.

144
00:13:35,470 --> 00:13:38,810
No, Ma, not you.
I was talkin' about the dog.

145
00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:42,540
Ma, listen. We got people
waitin' for us on the set.

146
00:13:42,650 --> 00:13:46,410
Oh, yeah. It's a busy life, Ma.
Places to go, faces to paint.

147
00:13:47,150 --> 00:13:49,050
Yeah, I'll tell him, Ma.

148
00:13:49,190 --> 00:13:50,980
Don't worry, I'll tell him.

149
00:13:51,090 --> 00:13:52,560
Yeah. Hold on, Ma.

150
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:55,730
She wants to know
if you want to come stay with her.

151
00:13:55,830 --> 00:13:59,630
- No way.
- He says he'll think about it, Ma.

152
00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:02,590
I will. All right. I love you, too.

153
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:04,760
Bye, Ma.

154
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:10,030
Hey, listen, you know you can always
stay with us just as long as you want.

155
00:14:10,170 --> 00:14:14,540
Thank you, but I'm OK, really.
I mean, this is just a temporary thing.

156
00:14:14,650 --> 00:14:17,380
I know Miranda. It's gonna blow over.

157
00:14:22,050 --> 00:14:27,790
Mr and Mrs Hillard, although these custody
proceedings tend to favor the mother,

158
00:14:27,890 --> 00:14:33,190
we also realize, perhaps now more than
ever, that it is not in a child's best interest

159
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:36,460
to deprive him or her
of an obviously loving father.

160
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:44,900
However, since at the present time Mr Hillard
has no place to live and no employment,

161
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:49,170
it is the court's ruling
to award sole custody to Mrs Hillard.

162
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,510
- Congratulations.
- No.

163
00:14:51,650 --> 00:14:55,180
Mr Hillard will have visitation rights
every Saturday.

164
00:14:55,290 --> 00:14:57,650
- Can't you do something?
- He's made his decision.

165
00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:01,090
Isn't it traditional
to say "I object" or something?

166
00:15:01,230 --> 00:15:02,920
Your Honor, please.

167
00:15:04,260 --> 00:15:06,490
Every Saturday? That's one day a week.

168
00:15:06,630 --> 00:15:08,930
That's not enough.

169
00:15:09,070 --> 00:15:14,230
I have to be with my children. It's not
a question. I have to be with them, sir. Please.

170
00:15:14,340 --> 00:15:17,830
I know it seems like a lot,
but for me it's not enough. Really.

171
00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:22,640
I haven't been away from 'em for more than
one day since the day they were born.

172
00:15:22,750 --> 00:15:26,610
- Mr Hillard, this ruling is only temporary.
- Oh, good.

173
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:29,880
I will assign a court liaison
to oversee your case.

174
00:15:29,990 --> 00:15:33,290
There will be a continuance
of these proceedings in 90 days.

175
00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:36,330
- I'm giving you three months, Mr Hillard.
- Thank you.

176
00:15:36,460 --> 00:15:41,060
Three months in which to get a job,
keep it and create a suitable home.

177
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,760
If this proves to be a possibility for you,

178
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:49,700
I will consider a joint-custody arrangement
when we reconvene. We're adjourned.

179
00:15:50,810 --> 00:15:54,640
Well, it looks like there is
a little light at the end of our tunnel.

180
00:16:25,340 --> 00:16:28,680
- That's all my stuff.
- This is all my fault.

181
00:16:29,110 --> 00:16:31,580
God, no. Why would you think that?

182
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,210
I should have never had a birthday, Dad.

183
00:16:34,350 --> 00:16:37,220
- This never would have happened.
- Yes, it would.

184
00:16:37,350 --> 00:16:40,590
It was an accident waiting to happen, OK?

185
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,220
You did nothing wrong. You got that?

186
00:16:44,430 --> 00:16:46,490
OK, gimme five.

187
00:16:53,140 --> 00:16:55,160
You're the man of the house now.

188
00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:57,360
Don't be messy.

189
00:16:58,540 --> 00:17:01,570
- You can't go now.
- Honey, I have to.

190
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:06,950
<i>We're in the middle of Charlotte's Web.
Who's gonna finish it?</i>

191
00:17:07,620 --> 00:17:10,110
Well, Grandma will finish it for you.

192
00:17:12,020 --> 00:17:17,050
She's not as good. She always skips parts,
and she never does the voices.

193
00:17:17,190 --> 00:17:19,250
She smells funny, too.

194
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:23,520
That's the formaldehyde.
That's why Granny's so well preserved.

195
00:17:24,970 --> 00:17:27,400
Hey, come here.

196
00:17:29,470 --> 00:17:33,740
It's the same as always.
We just have a really big backyard, OK?

197
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:36,810
- I love you.
- I love you.

198
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:44,020
I'll miss you. Saturday comes real quick.

199
00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:48,890
- I'll miss you.
- Ditto.

200
00:17:49,490 --> 00:17:51,220
Oh, Dad...

201
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,620
- Take care of her.
- OK.

202
00:17:57,870 --> 00:17:59,890
Goodbye.

203
00:18:05,110 --> 00:18:07,600
Thanks for the time, warden.

204
00:18:12,950 --> 00:18:15,010
Bye, Dad.

205
00:18:35,310 --> 00:18:38,760
As your court liaison,
I will be looking at two things.

206
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:43,110
- Your living environment...
- It's more like a habitat, really.

207
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:49,850
And I will be coming by on Monday
and Friday evenings to inspect it.

208
00:18:49,950 --> 00:18:51,920
Well, I'll put on a chicken.

209
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,780
And there's always the job issue.

210
00:18:54,930 --> 00:19:00,520
This is the nearest employment office. I took
the liberty of making an appointment for you.

211
00:19:00,630 --> 00:19:04,330
- Thank you.
- By the way, do you have any special skills?

212
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:06,530
Oh, yes. I do.

213
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,660
I do voices.

214
00:19:09,170 --> 00:19:11,370
What do you mean, you do voices?

215
00:19:12,180 --> 00:19:14,580
Well, I do voices.

216
00:19:14,710 --> 00:19:15,610
Yes!

217
00:19:15,750 --> 00:19:18,580
We're looking for intelligent life.
Oops, mistake!

218
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:21,980
Happy to be in America.
Don't ask for a green card.

219
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,590
I want you in the worst way.

220
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:28,420
This is certainly a rough meeting.
It's not going very well for me.

221
00:19:28,590 --> 00:19:32,190
Hey, boss, give her a chance.
She's gonna loosen up any moment.

222
00:19:32,330 --> 00:19:36,230
Look at me, Moneypenny.
I want to undo that bow and get to know you.

223
00:19:36,370 --> 00:19:38,800
I'm crazy to make a deal with you!

224
00:19:38,940 --> 00:19:41,770
Nancy and I are still looking for
the other half of my head.

225
00:19:41,870 --> 00:19:45,640
They're doin' it!
I'm sittin' on a gold mine!

226
00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:48,140
Don't make me smack you, sweetheart.

227
00:19:48,950 --> 00:19:51,140
I do a great impression of a hot dog.

228
00:19:54,350 --> 00:19:56,950
Mr Hillard, do you
consider yourself humorous?

229
00:19:57,050 --> 00:19:59,110
I used to.

230
00:19:59,220 --> 00:20:02,350
There was a time when I found myself funny.

231
00:20:02,460 --> 00:20:05,590
But today you have proven me wrong.
Thank you.

232
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:09,990
Listen, bottom line...

233
00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:14,670
I need to be with my children,
and I'll do anything to do that.

234
00:20:14,810 --> 00:20:16,830
You just tell me what to do.

235
00:20:35,090 --> 00:20:37,420
- Excuse me. You Tony?
- That's me.

236
00:20:37,530 --> 00:20:40,460
Hi. I'm Daniel Hillard, the actor.

237
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,660
Follow me.

238
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:50,470
Oh, films! Will I be
introducing these movies on air?

239
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,040
- Not exactly.
- What do I do?

240
00:20:53,140 --> 00:20:56,370
You take all these cans.
You box 'em and you ship 'em.

241
00:20:56,480 --> 00:21:00,080
Then you box those cans over there.
Ship them. Then more will come in.

242
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,080
You box those, you ship those.

243
00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:05,250
Any questions?

244
00:21:06,420 --> 00:21:08,480
After you box 'em...?

245
00:21:08,630 --> 00:21:10,820
You ship 'em.

246
00:21:10,930 --> 00:21:12,990
Lots of luck, smartass.

247
00:21:16,630 --> 00:21:19,500
I think I made a friend.

248
00:21:25,940 --> 00:21:28,840
- Miranda.
- Stu!

249
00:21:34,180 --> 00:21:36,620
Hello, Miranda.

250
00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:39,420
- It's been a long time.
- Yes.

251
00:21:42,530 --> 00:21:46,260
Mr Dunmeyer's come by
to look over your sketches.

252
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,230
Let me show you to the conference room.

253
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,170
As you probably know,
the estate was built in 1876.

254
00:21:55,310 --> 00:21:59,770
These sketches are meant to reflect
your desire to have it completely restored.

255
00:21:59,910 --> 00:22:01,880
You look better than ever.

256
00:22:01,980 --> 00:22:07,440
The lobby will resemble a music salon with
inspiration from the French Second Empire.

257
00:22:07,550 --> 00:22:10,450
I was thinking a 17th-century grand piano...

258
00:22:10,550 --> 00:22:14,120
I've been following your career
these past couple of years.

259
00:22:14,220 --> 00:22:19,130
A tufted sofa, a Flemish tapestry,
a brass-bound Regency-style table...

260
00:22:19,230 --> 00:22:22,960
I'd love to get reacquainted. Catch up.

261
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,770
Mantel clocks.

262
00:22:26,900 --> 00:22:29,700
Fringed, upholstered chairs, heavy drapes.

263
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,400
Can we talk? Over dinner, maybe?

264
00:22:34,710 --> 00:22:37,680
Stuart, thank you. I...

265
00:22:37,810 --> 00:22:40,940
I'm at the beginning of a divorce.

266
00:22:42,450 --> 00:22:44,510
It just didn't work out.

267
00:22:44,620 --> 00:22:47,950
- Oh, Miranda, I'm sorry.
- You don't have to say that.

268
00:22:48,060 --> 00:22:52,690
No, really. I mean, I never
held any grudges or anything. I just...

269
00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:56,030
Well, I always hoped you'd find happiness.

270
00:22:56,570 --> 00:22:58,630
Oh, God, that's so nice.

271
00:22:58,770 --> 00:23:03,140
I was just worried my coming in here
might scare you off the project.

272
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,300
No, no. Of course not. I...

273
00:23:06,340 --> 00:23:08,610
I'm a professional. I'm...

274
00:23:08,750 --> 00:23:13,940
I was flattered that you thought of me
after all these years and everything.

275
00:23:14,550 --> 00:23:16,640
Yeah, everything.

276
00:23:16,790 --> 00:23:19,980
Well... Ancient history.

277
00:23:20,620 --> 00:23:22,350
Yeah.

278
00:23:27,300 --> 00:23:30,060
I'm late.
I've got a meeting over at the bank.

279
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,670
Can we talk maybe later in the week?

280
00:23:36,810 --> 00:23:39,570
- Sure.
- Good.

281
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,170
It's good to see you again.

282
00:24:04,300 --> 00:24:06,360
Good, huh?

283
00:24:09,010 --> 00:24:12,570
I know the place
doesn't look like much now, but...

284
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,170
It'll be OK. How do you like it?

285
00:24:16,650 --> 00:24:19,110
- Nice.
- It's OK.

286
00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:21,220
Detestable.

287
00:24:22,550 --> 00:24:24,650
Hey, just give me some time.

288
00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:28,020
I'm not too comfortable
with this new lifestyle.

289
00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:30,020
Neither are we.

290
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:33,050
I know it's hard, sweetie.

291
00:24:34,300 --> 00:24:36,660
Can't you just tell Mom you're sorry?

292
00:24:39,170 --> 00:24:41,640
Wish I could.

293
00:24:41,740 --> 00:24:44,070
You know, grown-up problems...

294
00:24:44,170 --> 00:24:47,010
They're a little more complicated, Nattie.

295
00:24:50,250 --> 00:24:52,440
How is the old battle-axe?

296
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,450
- Your mom.
- She's fine.

297
00:24:55,550 --> 00:24:58,040
Oh. I'm glad to hear that.

298
00:24:59,190 --> 00:25:04,020
I'd hate to think that she came down
with amoebic dysentery or piles.

299
00:25:04,130 --> 00:25:06,360
What's amoebic dysentery?

300
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:10,690
It's an infection in your tummy
where you get diarrhoea for ever.

301
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:14,700
- Diarrhoea for ever?
- And your body dries up and you die.

302
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:18,070
- You die?
- You don't have to be so graphic with her.

303
00:25:18,170 --> 00:25:23,640
- I read about it in a science book.
- Why would you want Mommy to die?

304
00:25:24,150 --> 00:25:27,120
Oh, honey, I don't want Mommy to die.

305
00:25:27,750 --> 00:25:30,150
Then why did you say that?

306
00:25:32,620 --> 00:25:36,460
Look, Dad, you're not trying very hard.

307
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:40,720
We only get to come here once a week.
That's not very much.

308
00:25:40,830 --> 00:25:44,560
You're right. I'm sorry. I'll try harder.

309
00:25:45,700 --> 00:25:49,470
Nattie, I'll think good thoughts, OK?

310
00:25:49,770 --> 00:25:54,470
- About Mommy?
- I'll try. I really will.

311
00:25:54,580 --> 00:25:58,480
- And call her a princess.
- Oh, yes.

312
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:03,280
And right now I feel like a toad.

313
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:06,750
Daddy's a toad.

314
00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:16,920
- That's Mom.
- Can't be. She's an hour early.

315
00:26:17,330 --> 00:26:19,390
Come on, Nattie, we gotta go.

316
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,330
No, no! Come on, sit down.

317
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,170
Sit down!

318
00:26:24,270 --> 00:26:27,510
You don't have to run off
when she honks the horn.

319
00:26:27,610 --> 00:26:30,310
Come on, you're on my time now.

320
00:26:30,410 --> 00:26:33,410
You're my goddamn kids, too!

321
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,420
Come on.

322
00:26:49,870 --> 00:26:51,530
Hi.

323
00:26:51,870 --> 00:26:54,800
Oh, Daniel... Charming.

324
00:26:54,900 --> 00:26:58,570
Thank you, Miranda.
I was going for a refugee motif.

325
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,040
Fleeing-my-homeland kind of thing.

326
00:27:01,380 --> 00:27:03,210
But look at you!

327
00:27:03,310 --> 00:27:08,080
<i>This lovely Dances With Wolves motif.
What's your Indian name: Shops With A Fist?</i>

328
00:27:08,420 --> 00:27:11,820
- Are my children ready yet?
- No, our children are not ready yet...

329
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:16,050
...because you are an hour early
and you were late dropping them off.

330
00:27:16,230 --> 00:27:22,060
Daniel, I don't have time for this. I have to
drop something off at the newspaper office.

331
00:27:22,230 --> 00:27:25,430
Newspaper? Are you taking out
one of those personal ads?

332
00:27:25,540 --> 00:27:30,230
"DWF seeks WWM with BMW,
into light B&D"?

333
00:27:30,470 --> 00:27:32,770
I'm placing an ad for a housekeeper.

334
00:27:34,010 --> 00:27:37,280
Housekeeper?
Why do you need a housekeeper?

335
00:27:37,410 --> 00:27:43,050
I need someone to be there when the children
get home from school, to clean, start dinner...

336
00:27:43,150 --> 00:27:46,520
- How much are you gonna pay?
- $300 a week. Is that all right?

337
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,890
May I see the ad?

338
00:27:52,030 --> 00:27:56,860
- I have a right as their father. Please?
- All right. Anything else you wanna see?

339
00:27:56,970 --> 00:27:59,630
- Are you offering?
- Not any more.

340
00:27:59,740 --> 00:28:01,260
What's the change?

341
00:28:01,370 --> 00:28:04,340
- Are you guys all right?
- Yeah, Mommy. We're fine.

342
00:28:05,980 --> 00:28:08,500
Miranda, why not let me
take care of the kids?

343
00:28:08,650 --> 00:28:13,480
I'll pick 'em up after school, be with them,
then drop them off at your house after work.

344
00:28:13,580 --> 00:28:15,140
- That'd be great!
- Please!

345
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:17,950
- Look. The kids love it.
- Mommy, please!

346
00:28:18,090 --> 00:28:20,650
I'll think about it.

347
00:28:24,930 --> 00:28:27,830
We're his goddamn kids, too.

348
00:28:32,570 --> 00:28:34,430
Kids say the darndest things.

349
00:28:35,210 --> 00:28:41,040
Thank you. Any other choice phrases
you'd like to teach our five-year-old, Daniel?

350
00:28:42,510 --> 00:28:45,450
Come on, everybody get their coats.

351
00:28:45,550 --> 00:28:48,880
- Put them on and let's get out of here.
- OK, Mom.

352
00:28:48,990 --> 00:28:53,480
I would say go to the bathroom before we go,
but I don't think that's a good idea.

353
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,930
Don't forget anything.
I don't wanna come back.

354
00:29:01,030 --> 00:29:03,060
Come on, let's go.

355
00:29:03,530 --> 00:29:06,590
- See you Saturday.
- Say goodbye to your father.

356
00:29:06,740 --> 00:29:08,760
Goodbye, Daddy.

357
00:29:10,540 --> 00:29:12,800
- Here's your ad.
- I'll get my purse.

358
00:29:12,940 --> 00:29:14,970
Yeah, you'd better.

359
00:29:29,830 --> 00:29:32,890
Hello. Are you calling
in response to the ad?

360
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:39,000
<i>- Who was your previous employer?
- I was in a band. Severe Tyre Damage.</i>

361
00:29:39,140 --> 00:29:41,630
- In a band?
- I just wanna know one thing.

362
00:29:41,770 --> 00:29:46,830
Are your kids well-behaved, or do they need,
like, a few light slams every now and then?

363
00:29:48,340 --> 00:29:50,610
<i>- I'll have to get back to you.
- Wow!</i>

364
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:58,790
<i>Ja, my name is llsa Himmelman. I want
to know how many children do you have?</i>

365
00:29:58,890 --> 00:30:02,420
<i>- I have two girls and a boy.
- Oh, a boy!</i>

366
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:06,220
I don't work with the males
cos I used to be one.

367
00:30:08,970 --> 00:30:10,160
Yikes.

368
00:30:13,870 --> 00:30:15,360
Hello.

369
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:20,740
Leyla, get back in your cell!
Don't make me get the hose!

370
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:21,830
Hello?

371
00:30:26,820 --> 00:30:29,750
I am job.

372
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:34,850
- Do you speak English?
- I am job.

373
00:30:35,190 --> 00:30:38,090
I'm sorry. The position has been filled.

374
00:30:38,230 --> 00:30:40,700
Oh, what a nightmare!

375
00:30:42,100 --> 00:30:45,230
Let's go in for the kill.

376
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:56,040
Hello?

377
00:30:56,150 --> 00:30:59,240
I'm calling in regards
to the ad I read in the paper.

378
00:31:01,350 --> 00:31:05,250
Yes. Well, would you tell me
a little bit about yourself?

379
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:07,610
Oh, certainly, dear.

380
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:12,680
For the past 15 years I've worked for
the Smythe family of Elbourne, England.

381
00:31:12,830 --> 00:31:14,850
That's Smythe, not Smith, dear.

382
00:31:15,530 --> 00:31:22,270
<i>And for them, I did housecleaning, cooking,
and took care of their four glorious children.</i>

383
00:31:22,370 --> 00:31:27,610
<i>I grew quite attached to them after 15
years, but they grew up, as children tend to.</i>

384
00:31:27,710 --> 00:31:32,840
Oh, but listen to me. I am going on when you
should be telling me about your little ones.

385
00:31:32,950 --> 00:31:36,040
<i>- Well, I have two girls...
- Oh, two precious gems.</i>

386
00:31:36,150 --> 00:31:38,310
<i>No doubt the jewel of your eye.</i>

387
00:31:38,450 --> 00:31:42,720
- And one boy.
- Oh, the little prince. How wonderful.

388
00:31:43,260 --> 00:31:46,250
I must tell you,
a little light cooking is required.

389
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:49,330
Oh, I don't mind that, dear.
I'd love some heavy cooking.

390
00:31:49,470 --> 00:31:53,930
But I do have one rule: They'll only eat
good, nutritious food with me.

391
00:31:54,070 --> 00:31:58,270
And if there's any dispute, it's either
good, wholesome food or empty tummies.

392
00:31:58,370 --> 00:32:01,280
That's my rule.
I hope it's not too harsh for you, dear.

393
00:32:01,940 --> 00:32:03,670
No!

394
00:32:03,780 --> 00:32:08,050
Would you mind coming on an interview?
Say, Monday night at 7:30?

395
00:32:08,150 --> 00:32:10,950
<i>- Oh, I'd love to, dear.
- Wonderful.</i>

396
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:15,980
I'm at 2640 Steiner Street.

397
00:32:16,130 --> 00:32:18,320
Steiner. Oh, how lovely.

398
00:32:18,900 --> 00:32:22,490
- Could you tell me your name?
- My name?

399
00:32:23,130 --> 00:32:25,730
I thought I gave it to you, dear.

400
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:27,270
No.

401
00:32:32,140 --> 00:32:34,770
- Doubtfire.
- I beg your pardon?

402
00:32:35,110 --> 00:32:38,270
Doubtfire, dear. Mrs Doubtfire.

403
00:32:38,380 --> 00:32:42,880
- Well, I look forward to meeting you.
- Oh, lovely, dear. Me, too.

404
00:32:42,990 --> 00:32:45,420
- Bye-bye.
- Ta-ta.

405
00:32:49,130 --> 00:32:51,150
Showtime.

406
00:32:56,270 --> 00:32:59,130
- Daniel, hi.
- Could you make me a woman?

407
00:33:00,470 --> 00:33:03,500
Honey, I'm so happy!

408
00:33:03,610 --> 00:33:06,200
- Oh, come here.
- I knew you'd understand.

409
00:33:08,580 --> 00:33:11,240
- Is this gonna hurt?
- Don't whine. Just relax.

410
00:33:11,380 --> 00:33:14,320
- Are you sure?
- Just remember, pain is beauty.

411
00:33:14,420 --> 00:33:18,180
OK, take a deep breath. Instant eye lift.

412
00:33:19,860 --> 00:33:21,980
And the strings are under the wig.

413
00:33:22,490 --> 00:33:27,730
- The man has five-o'clock shadow at 8.30am.
- All right, we'll start with make-up.

414
00:33:27,830 --> 00:33:31,360
- I'm not gonna wax.
- Don't worry. We'll just lightly spackle.

415
00:33:31,470 --> 00:33:34,960
- I feel like Gloria Swanson.
- You look like her mother.

416
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:37,830
I'm ready for my close-up, Mr DeMille.

417
00:33:38,810 --> 00:33:42,140
OK, everyone. Let's pray.

418
00:33:45,210 --> 00:33:48,950
I hope you are using Jungle Red.
That is the color I love.

419
00:33:49,050 --> 00:33:51,080
- Matches your lips.
- God bless you.

420
00:33:51,220 --> 00:33:54,550
I'm feeling fabulous
because I met this beautiful Cuban.

421
00:33:54,660 --> 00:33:57,060
Every night is like the Bay of Pigs.

422
00:33:57,190 --> 00:34:00,090
I can't lie to you. It's beautiful with him.

423
00:34:00,230 --> 00:34:04,890
I don't know. This would scare the children.
Maybe this is too much for them.

424
00:34:05,430 --> 00:34:07,770
I think we have to go to the next level.

425
00:34:07,870 --> 00:34:09,670
Latex.

426
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:13,270
<i>Oy, it was such a shandeh.</i>

427
00:34:13,410 --> 00:34:16,900
<i>I should never buy gribbenes from a mohel.
It's so chewy.</i>

428
00:34:17,050 --> 00:34:20,280
- No, I feel like Bubbee. This is not working.
- Don't worry.

429
00:34:20,420 --> 00:34:24,880
It's a work in progress and you're my brother.
I will never let you be embarrassed.

430
00:34:25,020 --> 00:34:27,510
- God bless you.
- We'll have to do the entire face.

431
00:34:27,660 --> 00:34:30,130
But look at this nice thing we have here.

432
00:34:50,650 --> 00:34:52,640
It's not working. I need to go older.

433
00:34:52,750 --> 00:34:56,450
Older? Like Shelley Winters older
or Shirley MacLaine older?

434
00:34:56,550 --> 00:35:00,040
- What's the difference?
- Some Scotch tape and red hair dye.

435
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:03,850
- What about Joan Collins?
- I don't think I have the strength.

436
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,020
But I have some plaster.

437
00:36:09,330 --> 00:36:11,320
Are we close?

438
00:36:11,430 --> 00:36:14,760
Any closer and you'd be Mom.

439
00:36:30,850 --> 00:36:32,910
That's disgusting!

440
00:36:34,650 --> 00:36:37,710
The most revolting thing I've ever seen.

441
00:36:37,820 --> 00:36:39,580
Awesome.

442
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:43,850
What is this? Turn it off, will you?

443
00:36:44,030 --> 00:36:47,330
Come on. I want you
to meet this lady with me.

444
00:36:47,430 --> 00:36:50,990
I want you to be polite to her, then...
tell me what you think.

445
00:36:51,100 --> 00:36:55,430
Everybody stand over here
and help me decide what to do.

446
00:37:00,240 --> 00:37:02,770
Hello. Mrs Hillard, I presume.

447
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:05,010
Yes. I'm Miranda Hillard.

448
00:37:05,110 --> 00:37:07,410
Euphegenia Doubtfire.

449
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:09,850
Yes. Won't you please come in?

450
00:37:09,990 --> 00:37:12,390
Thank you, dear.

451
00:37:12,990 --> 00:37:15,890
- And these must be the cherubs.
- Yes.

452
00:37:16,990 --> 00:37:20,050
- This is Natalie.
- Oh, hello, Natalie.

453
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,430
- Are you wearing bug spray?
- Nattie!

454
00:37:22,530 --> 00:37:27,160
It's quite all right, dear. No offense taken.
I was a little liberal with the atomizer.

455
00:37:27,270 --> 00:37:31,500
And at my age, it's like a good Stilton.
Everything has its own aroma.

456
00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:36,080
I admire that honesty, Nattie.
That's a noble quality. Never lose that.

457
00:37:36,210 --> 00:37:39,880
It often disappears with age
or entering politics.

458
00:37:40,020 --> 00:37:43,710
Look at that face.
You remind me of Stuart Little,

459
00:37:43,850 --> 00:37:47,290
one of the most honorable creatures
in all of literature.

460
00:37:47,420 --> 00:37:51,690
<i>- Do you know that book, Stuart Little?
- Yeah! It's one of my favorites.</i>

461
00:37:51,830 --> 00:37:55,730
Mine, too! Maybe I could read it to you -
if I get the position.

462
00:37:55,870 --> 00:37:59,270
- That would be wonderful.
- And who is this strapping young lad?

463
00:37:59,370 --> 00:38:01,630
- This is Chris.
- Hello, Christopher.

464
00:38:01,740 --> 00:38:03,530
Hello.

465
00:38:03,670 --> 00:38:07,440
Jeez, you're big for a lady.
You could play for the 49ers.

466
00:38:07,540 --> 00:38:11,450
Well, I was a fullback.
But that's European football, dear.

467
00:38:11,550 --> 00:38:14,020
- Soccer?
- Yes. You play soccer, too?

468
00:38:14,150 --> 00:38:16,350
- Yeah!
- Oh, isn't that amazing?

469
00:38:16,490 --> 00:38:21,010
Yes, I was captain of the women's team.
We won three university championships.

470
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:23,220
Oh, but that was decades ago!

471
00:38:23,330 --> 00:38:27,760
But I was more disciplined then. I always
put my studies ahead of my athletics.

472
00:38:27,900 --> 00:38:31,560
I'm sure you're the same
and you've done all your homework already.

473
00:38:31,700 --> 00:38:35,330
- Well, not exactly.
- Really? Oh. That's a pity.

474
00:38:35,470 --> 00:38:40,930
Young men who don't do their studies
often miss out on more amusing activities.

475
00:38:42,010 --> 00:38:44,740
- And who is this young lady?
- This is Lydia.

476
00:38:46,750 --> 00:38:48,770
Hello, Lydia.

477
00:38:50,990 --> 00:38:54,440
This isn't fair, Mom.
Why do we need a housekeeper anyway?

478
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:57,050
- This is all I need.
- Why can't Dad do it?

479
00:38:57,290 --> 00:39:02,960
Dear, I don't think it's appropriate to argue
with your mother in front of a stranger.

480
00:39:03,100 --> 00:39:06,500
I just don't see why
we can't spend the extra time with Dad.

481
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:10,770
Maybe she's right, dear. Maybe their father
would be a more appropriate person.

482
00:39:10,910 --> 00:39:13,370
No, I don't think so.

483
00:39:13,510 --> 00:39:18,000
It's not my fault, honey. If he would
get a job and a decent apartment...

484
00:39:18,150 --> 00:39:21,410
- You see, he's the kind...
- Excuse me, dear.

485
00:39:21,550 --> 00:39:24,680
I'm sure you'd want the children
to step out of the room

486
00:39:24,790 --> 00:39:27,720
before you verbally bash their father. Hm?

487
00:39:27,820 --> 00:39:30,520
If I did that, I might never see them again.

488
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,590
- I'm sorry. You're right.
- No harm done.

489
00:39:35,730 --> 00:39:40,360
- You're absolutely right.
- I'm not a therapist. I just see what I see.

490
00:39:40,470 --> 00:39:43,530
Why don't you guys go on upstairs?
I'll be up in a minute.

491
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:46,770
- It's lovely to meet you.
- Yeah, nice to meet you.

492
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:48,940
You too, Lydie.

493
00:39:55,050 --> 00:39:57,180
- Oh, they're a spirited bunch.
- Yes.

494
00:39:57,350 --> 00:40:00,650
- Especially Lydie. She's got daggers for you.
- I know.

495
00:40:00,790 --> 00:40:04,560
- They're very upset with me right now.
- Probably the divorce.

496
00:40:04,660 --> 00:40:06,720
How did you know?

497
00:40:06,830 --> 00:40:10,060
You can sense it, dear -
the way she talks about her father.

498
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:15,800
I don't think he's in the Navy, the way she's
saying she misses him. It's like he's nearby.

499
00:40:15,910 --> 00:40:17,870
- Yes.
- Oh, that's so sad.

500
00:40:18,010 --> 00:40:20,740
- Would you care to have a cup of tea?
- I'd love that.

501
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:23,680
- It's right in here.
- What a lovely home you have.

502
00:40:23,810 --> 00:40:26,080
- Did you decorate this yourself?
- Yes, I did.

503
00:40:26,220 --> 00:40:30,740
Oh, it reeks of taste!
Isn't this lovely, dear!

504
00:40:30,850 --> 00:40:33,950
- Here's my r�sum�.
- Oh. Thank you.

505
00:40:34,060 --> 00:40:37,420
- Let me start this tea.
- Oh, no, dear. Let me get that for you.

506
00:40:37,530 --> 00:40:43,660
You've had a hard day. You just sit yourself
down on that stool and leave the tea to me.

507
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,630
Thank you. That's very nice of you.

508
00:40:46,740 --> 00:40:48,790
Oh, not at all, dear.

509
00:40:48,900 --> 00:40:51,770
- Oh. What a wonderful r�sum�.
- Thank you, dear.

510
00:40:52,140 --> 00:40:54,610
"Expert in first aid and CPR."

511
00:40:54,710 --> 00:40:56,770
And Heimlich manoeuvre, dear.

512
00:40:56,880 --> 00:41:00,370
You can never be too prepared
when little ones are around.

513
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:04,250
They'll swallow anything.
You've got to be ready to pop it out.

514
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:07,410
Oh, let's see.

515
00:41:08,820 --> 00:41:11,380
What a perfectly appointed little cubby!

516
00:41:11,490 --> 00:41:15,620
Look at this. Everything
has its place and name tag.

517
00:41:15,730 --> 00:41:18,670
How precise! It's lovely.

518
00:41:18,770 --> 00:41:20,830
My husband never appreciated it.

519
00:41:20,940 --> 00:41:23,000
Oh. Poor dolt.

520
00:41:23,110 --> 00:41:26,070
That's not the reason
you divorced him, was it?

521
00:41:26,940 --> 00:41:28,140
No.

522
00:41:29,180 --> 00:41:33,050
It's so sad, because marriage
can be such a blessing.

523
00:41:33,150 --> 00:41:35,670
So can divorce.

524
00:41:36,750 --> 00:41:43,890
Daniel is a very difficult man to live with.
But the children are crazy about him.

525
00:41:43,990 --> 00:41:47,760
You don't have to be
a psychic to sense that.

526
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:51,960
My, you certainly do know your way
around a kitchen!

527
00:41:53,940 --> 00:41:57,960
It's just because everything
is so accessible. You designed it.

528
00:41:58,570 --> 00:42:02,640
I'm amazed there isn't a little label there
that says "spoons".

529
00:42:05,150 --> 00:42:07,910
You remind me of someone.

530
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:11,480
Really? Who?

531
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:15,790
I feel like I've known you for years.

532
00:42:16,790 --> 00:42:20,190
Maybe we knew each other in another life.

533
00:42:22,030 --> 00:42:25,360
I would love for you
to come and work with us.

534
00:42:25,530 --> 00:42:28,090
- So would I.
- Great!

535
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:30,260
It would be an honor.

536
00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:33,370
To us.

537
00:42:33,540 --> 00:42:37,100
To us. The start of a business relationship.

538
00:43:07,440 --> 00:43:09,540
Good evening, dear.

539
00:43:11,350 --> 00:43:13,370
Evening, ma'am.

540
00:43:19,220 --> 00:43:21,450
Cold night, isn't it?

541
00:43:21,620 --> 00:43:23,780
Yes, it is.

542
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:28,260
Hope you have somethin' nice and warm
to go home to.

543
00:43:41,180 --> 00:43:43,240
My back.

544
00:43:43,380 --> 00:43:48,980
Jesus! If I find the misogynistic bastard
that invented heels, I'll kill him.

545
00:43:49,890 --> 00:43:51,940
God...!

546
00:44:00,530 --> 00:44:02,220
Excuse me.

547
00:44:02,330 --> 00:44:04,300
Mrs Sellner!

548
00:44:05,470 --> 00:44:07,800
Have we met?

549
00:44:07,900 --> 00:44:11,070
No. But Danny's told me all about you.

550
00:44:11,940 --> 00:44:14,570
I'm his sister.

551
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:17,640
His... much older sister.

552
00:44:19,110 --> 00:44:22,410
- You have his eyes.
- Only if he fills out a donor card.

553
00:44:24,720 --> 00:44:29,450
- Is Mr Hillard in? I have an appointment.
- Do you? Oh, that's wonderful.

554
00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:32,080
Let me go up and get him
and he'll be right down.

555
00:44:32,230 --> 00:44:33,790
- I'll come with you.
- No.

556
00:44:33,900 --> 00:44:35,230
- Yes.
- Why?

557
00:44:35,330 --> 00:44:41,290
Because I have an appointment on Monday
and Friday evenings to check the apartment.

558
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,270
I remember him saying something about that.

559
00:44:44,370 --> 00:44:47,870
Are you sure, dear?
It's three floors, hoofin' it all the way.

560
00:44:47,980 --> 00:44:50,410
- If you can do it, I can.
- I'll bet so!

561
00:44:50,510 --> 00:44:52,540
- Is your ticker all right?
- Topnotch.

562
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:56,280
Oh, good! Cos I don't want to jump-start ya.

563
00:44:58,890 --> 00:45:00,290
Damn door.

564
00:45:00,390 --> 00:45:03,420
Come in, please, dear. Sorry about that.

565
00:45:03,530 --> 00:45:05,550
Here we are. Daniel's abode.

566
00:45:08,100 --> 00:45:11,730
Oh, that's mine, dear.
I'm a messy house guest.

567
00:45:11,870 --> 00:45:14,930
Well, just make yourself at home.
I'll be right back.

568
00:45:15,070 --> 00:45:17,100
He'll be back. I'll go get him.

569
00:45:17,210 --> 00:45:20,300
Don't be afraid. I'll be right there. Danny!

570
00:45:20,410 --> 00:45:24,140
Danny boy, where are you?
Oh, here he is, dear. I found him.

571
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:26,910
Danny, there's a
Mrs Sellner here to see you!

572
00:45:27,020 --> 00:45:29,350
- Oh, is she here?
- Yes, she is.

573
00:45:29,820 --> 00:45:32,910
Mrs Sellner, I just got out of the shower!

574
00:45:33,020 --> 00:45:35,490
I think you'll be very pleased with me!

575
00:45:35,590 --> 00:45:38,990
I've been through
some really interesting changes!

576
00:45:39,130 --> 00:45:42,650
And I'm becoming a new man
and a model father!

577
00:45:43,830 --> 00:45:47,000
He'll be right there.
He's just changing, dear.

578
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:51,560
I want to keep you abreast
of the changes in my career!

579
00:45:51,710 --> 00:45:56,270
There have been two big developments!
I'm finally starting to come into my own!

580
00:45:56,380 --> 00:46:00,710
Things are really starting to take shape,
and I'm blossoming! Really, I am!

581
00:46:00,850 --> 00:46:06,380
Things were hairy for a while,
but I'm in great shape now!

582
00:46:06,520 --> 00:46:08,990
I'm my own man now! Oh, yes!

583
00:46:10,260 --> 00:46:13,160
A job I could really sink my teeth into!

584
00:46:13,260 --> 00:46:15,390
I'll be right there, Mrs Sellner!

585
00:46:18,630 --> 00:46:22,540
So nice I don't have to
save face any more, Mrs Sellner!

586
00:46:25,810 --> 00:46:29,140
Mrs Sellner! How are you? Always a joy!

587
00:46:29,240 --> 00:46:32,510
If you wanted some cheese,
why didn't you just say so?

588
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:36,370
Well, you'll be happy to know
that I now am holding down two jobs.

589
00:46:36,490 --> 00:46:40,420
One for an educational film
and TV company - heavy responsibility.

590
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:44,930
- And the other?
- Cleaning houses. Not mine.

591
00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:48,860
- Big girl!
- Your sister is English?

592
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:51,120
She's half-English, half-American.

593
00:46:51,230 --> 00:46:55,430
Half-sister, really. That makes her
an eighth English? I've never done the math.

594
00:46:55,570 --> 00:47:00,240
Let me see, my father was American.
He flew for the English during the war.

595
00:47:00,380 --> 00:47:04,000
He was in London and...
he met this lovely Englishwoman.

596
00:47:04,110 --> 00:47:07,740
Well, my sister was
the fruit of their passions.

597
00:47:07,850 --> 00:47:10,610
Sorry. My sister's, not yours.

598
00:47:10,720 --> 00:47:16,180
You see, she's not a very good housekeeper.
But she makes a fabulous cup of English tea.

599
00:47:16,290 --> 00:47:19,890
Really? Well, I would adore
a good cup of English tea.

600
00:47:20,030 --> 00:47:23,400
Oh! Wouldn't we all! I'll go get her.

601
00:47:23,500 --> 00:47:26,190
Sis! Oh, sis!

602
00:47:26,300 --> 00:47:28,360
Sis, are you in here?

603
00:47:28,470 --> 00:47:31,170
Tea? Cup of TNT.

604
00:47:48,890 --> 00:47:50,980
Sick. Mom!

605
00:47:55,660 --> 00:47:57,220
My face!

606
00:48:03,710 --> 00:48:05,730
I've gotta go down and get it.

607
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:10,470
Norman Bates!

608
00:48:32,270 --> 00:48:34,460
Miss Hillard?

609
00:48:34,570 --> 00:48:37,660
- Yes, dear?
- I take sugar in my tea.

610
00:48:37,770 --> 00:48:39,830
Oh, your tea!

611
00:48:39,940 --> 00:48:42,500
I'll be right there with your tea!

612
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:49,480
Coming right up, dear!
Sugar - one lump or two, dear?

613
00:48:49,580 --> 00:48:52,880
- Two, please!
- Tea, sugar, hot water.

614
00:48:52,990 --> 00:48:56,450
You got it. Coming right your way, dear!

615
00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:58,690
I'll be right there with your tea!

616
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:03,530
No! Stop!

617
00:49:12,240 --> 00:49:13,710
Oh, shit!

618
00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:24,880
- Can I give you a hand?
- Oh, no, dear! I don't need a hand.

619
00:49:24,990 --> 00:49:27,580
I need a face.

620
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:32,290
- Are you sure?
- Oh, definitely!

621
00:49:37,930 --> 00:49:41,730
I'm not a Muslim. I need a face! Oh, God.

622
00:49:44,870 --> 00:49:48,500
Miss Hillard? The water's boiling.

623
00:49:48,780 --> 00:49:50,040
Hello!

624
00:49:51,610 --> 00:49:56,640
Oh, I'm sorry to frighten you, dear.
I must look like a yeti in this get-up.

625
00:49:56,790 --> 00:50:00,650
This is my nightly meringue mask.
Part of my beauty regimen.

626
00:50:00,790 --> 00:50:05,850
It's basically egg whites, creme fraîche,
powdered sugar, vanilla and a touch of alum.

627
00:50:05,990 --> 00:50:11,260
There you go, dear. Oh! You've got your
cream and sugar. It's a little cappu-tea-no.

628
00:50:11,500 --> 00:50:13,590
One drop or two? Would you like another?

629
00:50:13,700 --> 00:50:16,330
Oh! There you go!

630
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:20,970
As you can see, I can't stay with you, dear.
I'm melting like a snow cone in Phoenix.

631
00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:26,210
There we go again! I'll go get Danny.
He'll be right with you. Hold on.

632
00:50:26,310 --> 00:50:29,550
- Danny!
- Coming, sis!

633
00:50:29,650 --> 00:50:33,210
- It was lovely to have met you!
- Lovely to meet you.

634
00:50:50,710 --> 00:50:56,080
- Had a little accident.
- Be careful this time. She's an old woman.

635
00:50:58,150 --> 00:51:00,770
Why wasn't I an only child?

636
00:51:36,720 --> 00:51:38,910
- Sorry.
- That's quite all right.

637
00:51:50,100 --> 00:51:52,120
Ready? OK.

638
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:54,330
Did you have fun?

639
00:51:54,470 --> 00:51:57,340
- What did you do?
- I painted a picture of a bunny.

640
00:51:57,470 --> 00:51:59,700
The teacher liked it.

641
00:52:01,210 --> 00:52:05,040
<i>Here it is, Mel. $1,000 worth of hair.
What am I supposed to do with it?</i>

642
00:52:05,150 --> 00:52:07,980
<i>- Alan, I was wondering if...
- You want one of them?</i>

643
00:52:08,950 --> 00:52:12,080
<i>I'd rather make a coat for my wife.</i>

644
00:52:12,190 --> 00:52:15,750
All right, everyone.
It's time to expand your minds.

645
00:52:15,890 --> 00:52:21,160
<i>- It's homework time. OK?
- Yeah, but... after Dick Van Dyke.</i>

646
00:52:22,630 --> 00:52:25,260
No. Now.

647
00:52:25,830 --> 00:52:26,890
No.

648
00:52:28,240 --> 00:52:31,070
<i>We always watch Dick Van Dyke.</i>

649
00:52:33,540 --> 00:52:36,410
Really? Well, not any more.

650
00:52:37,850 --> 00:52:41,110
The only thing you'll be watching
is Deep Sea-N-N.

651
00:52:42,550 --> 00:52:43,950
Now,

652
00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:47,490
I know you're used to loosey-goosey.

653
00:52:47,590 --> 00:52:50,490
But I run a much tighter ship.

654
00:52:50,830 --> 00:52:55,230
Between the hours of 3pm and 7pm,
I'm in charge.

655
00:52:55,800 --> 00:52:59,730
And when I'm in charge,
you will follow a schedule.

656
00:52:59,830 --> 00:53:02,800
Those who do not follow the schedule
will be punished.

657
00:53:03,670 --> 00:53:06,730
- Punished?
- She's lying.

658
00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:08,900
She'd never punish us.

659
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:11,910
Don't... fuss with me.

660
00:53:44,050 --> 00:53:46,450
This is exploitation. It's not fair.

661
00:53:46,580 --> 00:53:49,740
- Shut up, Lydie.
- Yeah. You got us into this.

662
00:53:49,850 --> 00:53:52,250
Ooh, my little ankle-biters.

663
00:53:52,390 --> 00:53:54,950
Do I sense dissension in the ranks?

664
00:53:55,060 --> 00:53:58,750
Are we ready for homework,
or shall we continue manual labor?

665
00:53:58,860 --> 00:54:03,700
- No. Anything but this.
- Then upstairs, my little nose-miners.

666
00:54:03,830 --> 00:54:06,890
Go. Flee before me!

667
00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:09,300
Onward and upward!

668
00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:11,630
Go pump some neurons.

669
00:54:11,740 --> 00:54:13,800
Expand your craniums.

670
00:54:13,910 --> 00:54:15,970
- I miss Dad.
- Me, too.

671
00:54:16,080 --> 00:54:18,600
Me most.

672
00:54:20,350 --> 00:54:22,410
I'm here, guys.

673
00:54:23,620 --> 00:54:25,640
In some form.

674
00:54:28,490 --> 00:54:30,580
Let's see.

675
00:54:33,960 --> 00:54:36,020
OK. Pinch of basil.

676
00:54:39,030 --> 00:54:41,060
Damn!

677
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:50,900
Mayday!

678
00:54:51,580 --> 00:54:53,640
Oh, God! It's gonna blow!

679
00:54:55,980 --> 00:54:58,040
Easy.

680
00:54:58,150 --> 00:55:00,210
Damn. Calm down.

681
00:55:01,390 --> 00:55:03,450
Come on.

682
00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:07,420
How is it? Oh, my God.
It's clotted. Oh, God.

683
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:11,730
This hollandaise smells like burnt rubber.

684
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:14,730
God, it's hot in here.

685
00:55:33,960 --> 00:55:38,190
Look at this! My first day as a woman
and I'm getting hot flashes.

686
00:55:55,180 --> 00:55:57,540
- Hey, here's your food.
- How much is it?

687
00:55:57,710 --> 00:56:00,910
- 135.27.
- 135 dollars?! That's certainly...

688
00:56:01,020 --> 00:56:03,070
And 27 cents.

689
00:56:03,180 --> 00:56:06,020
Four dinners. 20 bucks extra for rushing us.

690
00:56:06,150 --> 00:56:10,090
Rushing? Well, you could have been
a little bit faster, dear.

691
00:56:10,190 --> 00:56:13,590
- There's 140. Do you have change?
- No.

692
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:16,820
I thought you wouldn't.
Thank you very much.

693
00:56:47,230 --> 00:56:49,250
Hello!

694
00:56:50,800 --> 00:56:52,820
Hello! Anybody home?

695
00:56:55,400 --> 00:56:58,370
- Where were you guys?
- Upstairs, doing our homework.

696
00:56:58,470 --> 00:57:00,670
Mrs Doubtfire said we had to.

697
00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:03,400
Oh, she did, huh?

698
00:57:03,510 --> 00:57:06,480
Doing your homework. How great!

699
00:57:06,610 --> 00:57:08,380
- Hi.
- Hi, honey.

700
00:57:08,480 --> 00:57:12,420
Look at this place! It looks wonderful!
All spick-and-span.

701
00:57:26,130 --> 00:57:28,570
Dinner is served, madam.

702
00:57:29,470 --> 00:57:31,230
How lovely!

703
00:57:53,560 --> 00:57:55,460
Mrs Doubtfire?

704
00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:59,290
Lydia, dear. Get back inside
right now before you freeze.

705
00:57:59,430 --> 00:58:03,870
Look... I just want to apologize
for being such a pain today.

706
00:58:03,970 --> 00:58:07,670
- Oh, dear, it's all right.
- No, I'm really sorry.

707
00:58:08,980 --> 00:58:13,240
It's just... I'm still kind of messed-up.
About everything.

708
00:58:15,580 --> 00:58:17,640
We all are, sweetie.

709
00:58:18,450 --> 00:58:20,220
What?

710
00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:25,090
I just mean I understand
the pain you're all going through.

711
00:58:27,130 --> 00:58:29,150
Yeah.

712
00:58:30,060 --> 00:58:32,230
Well, I also wanted to thank you.

713
00:58:32,800 --> 00:58:35,930
- For what?
- For making my mom so happy.

714
00:58:38,540 --> 00:58:43,480
She hasn't been in this good a mood since...
I can't even remember.

715
00:58:45,780 --> 00:58:47,840
It's been a long time.

716
00:58:47,980 --> 00:58:50,380
- It has?
- Yeah.

717
00:58:51,690 --> 00:58:53,710
Well, I gotta go back in, but...

718
00:58:53,890 --> 00:58:57,350
- Go.
- OK. Thank you.

719
00:58:57,990 --> 00:59:00,460
You're welcome.

720
00:59:03,500 --> 00:59:05,520
Bye.

721
00:59:11,410 --> 00:59:13,470
Thank you.

722
00:59:26,450 --> 00:59:28,420
Oh, no.

723
00:59:29,520 --> 00:59:33,590
Well, milady!
It's a pleasure to see you again!

724
00:59:33,730 --> 00:59:35,750
A joy, as always.

725
00:59:54,280 --> 00:59:56,720
I like that Mediterranean look in women.

726
00:59:58,350 --> 01:00:00,380
Natural. Healthy.

727
01:00:01,990 --> 01:00:04,050
Just the way God made ya.

728
01:00:05,190 --> 01:00:09,760
He broke the mould when he made me, dear.
He made me very special.

729
01:00:10,230 --> 01:00:12,670
He sure did.

730
01:00:13,900 --> 01:00:16,390
Bless you.

731
01:01:33,780 --> 01:01:37,220
I am not a crook.

732
01:01:37,320 --> 01:01:39,680
"She kissed Stuart and thanked him. "

733
01:01:40,520 --> 01:01:42,890
"'How was it down there? ' asked Mr Little,

734
01:01:42,990 --> 01:01:46,520
who was always curious to know
about places he'd never been to. "

735
01:01:46,660 --> 01:01:48,530
"'It was all right,' said Stuart. "

736
01:02:38,180 --> 01:02:39,940
Back off, asshole!

737
01:02:40,050 --> 01:02:41,740
Beat it!

738
01:02:44,350 --> 01:02:47,290
Broke my bag, the bastard.

739
01:02:55,240 --> 01:02:57,870
Lover boy's here.

740
01:02:58,010 --> 01:03:01,180
What a beautiful little car for Don Juan.

741
01:03:05,890 --> 01:03:07,950
So sad when that happens!

742
01:03:08,260 --> 01:03:12,890
It was our junior year in college, and your
mother got asked to design this big float.

743
01:03:15,600 --> 01:03:18,860
- I wasn't that young.
- I went to kiss her...

744
01:03:19,000 --> 01:03:22,770
Elastic bands were flying out everywhere.
Hit you in the face.

745
01:03:22,870 --> 01:03:26,240
<i>- That's not true!
- It was like Jaws.</i>

746
01:03:26,340 --> 01:03:30,280
- Isn't that the pretty picture!
- Oh. Mrs Doubtfire.

747
01:03:30,950 --> 01:03:35,080
Miranda. What a pleasant surprise
to see you home so early, dear.

748
01:03:35,220 --> 01:03:38,020
- And who is your gentleman caller?
- This is Stu.

749
01:03:38,120 --> 01:03:41,520
- He just wanted to come and meet the kids.
- Oh, did he?

750
01:03:41,660 --> 01:03:45,060
Ah, this must be the famous Mrs Doubtfire.

751
01:03:45,360 --> 01:03:47,420
It's a pleasure to meet you.

752
01:03:48,460 --> 01:03:51,300
Yes, well...
Miranda's been raving about you.

753
01:03:51,430 --> 01:03:54,300
- Odd. She's never mentioned you.
- No?

754
01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:57,530
- No.
- Well... It's good to meet you.

755
01:03:57,670 --> 01:03:59,700
- You, too.
- Yes.

756
01:04:00,440 --> 01:04:04,900
I have a home in London. I was born there.
What part of England are you from?

757
01:04:05,050 --> 01:04:09,540
- Here and there, dear. All over, really.
- Yes?

758
01:04:09,680 --> 01:04:13,640
- Accent's a little kind of... muddled.
- Really? So is your tan.

759
01:04:16,260 --> 01:04:19,920
Dear, can you help me with something?
I found this outside.

760
01:04:21,060 --> 01:04:23,030
Yes. This is off my Mercedes.

761
01:04:23,130 --> 01:04:27,660
Off your Mercedes, dear?
You own that big, expensive car out there?

762
01:04:27,770 --> 01:04:31,100
Oh, dear. They say a man
who has to buy a big car like that

763
01:04:31,210 --> 01:04:33,540
is compensating for smaller genitals.

764
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:38,080
But not in your case, cos I see
that you're a strapping lad, aren't ya?

765
01:04:38,180 --> 01:04:40,880
- It was lovely to meet you.
- You too, dear.

766
01:04:41,580 --> 01:04:45,520
- Mrs Doubtfire, may I speak with you?
- Ooh, certainly, dear.

767
01:04:46,150 --> 01:04:49,060
Could you stay
a few extra hours this evening?

768
01:04:49,160 --> 01:04:53,320
Stu. That's more of a thick soup
than a name, really.

769
01:04:53,430 --> 01:04:55,490
It's a name. It's short for Stuart.

770
01:04:55,600 --> 01:04:58,690
- Is it?
- Yes. He's a client. And a friend.

771
01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:01,390
- He was a friend. He is a friend.
- What is he?

772
01:05:01,540 --> 01:05:04,270
- I don't know what's happening.
- What is it, dear?

773
01:05:04,370 --> 01:05:07,000
- Isn't he fabulous?
- Kind of, dear.

774
01:05:07,140 --> 01:05:09,770
If you like that handsome, rugged type.

775
01:05:09,950 --> 01:05:13,380
But personally I prefer
short, furry and funny.

776
01:05:13,520 --> 01:05:15,980
He just wants to go out and have a drink.

777
01:05:16,120 --> 01:05:19,990
- I think that's pretty harmless. Don't you?
- Absolutely not, dear.

778
01:05:20,120 --> 01:05:23,680
- They always have other intentions.
- This is business, mostly.

779
01:05:23,790 --> 01:05:27,090
I'll just sip club soda
and we'll go over wallpaper samples.

780
01:05:27,430 --> 01:05:30,690
Dear Miranda. Wake up
and smell the coffee, dear.

781
01:05:30,800 --> 01:05:33,390
Can't you see the lust in that man's eyes?

782
01:05:33,540 --> 01:05:36,400
It's too soon, dear. Really.

783
01:05:36,540 --> 01:05:38,770
You've got to give your divorce time.

784
01:05:38,870 --> 01:05:43,830
Let your sheets cool down before you bring
someone else into the bed. All right?

785
01:05:44,010 --> 01:05:46,500
Mrs Doubtfire, may I ask you a question?

786
01:05:46,620 --> 01:05:48,640
Certainly, dear.

787
01:05:48,780 --> 01:05:51,340
How long after Mr Doubtfire passed away...

788
01:05:51,450 --> 01:05:53,220
Winston.

789
01:05:53,360 --> 01:05:55,820
...did you feel any desire...

790
01:05:59,430 --> 01:06:01,190
Never.

791
01:06:01,300 --> 01:06:03,200
Never again.

792
01:06:03,300 --> 01:06:07,170
Once the father of your children
is out of the picture,

793
01:06:07,270 --> 01:06:10,830
the only solution is
total and lifelong celibacy.

794
01:06:11,270 --> 01:06:12,830
- Celibacy?
- Yes.

795
01:06:13,240 --> 01:06:16,010
And if you violate that, heaven forgive ya.

796
01:06:17,380 --> 01:06:19,210
Good luck.

797
01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:22,370
Thank you.

798
01:06:27,920 --> 01:06:30,260
"Preponderance. "

799
01:06:38,930 --> 01:06:42,030
Bravo. "Discriminate. "

800
01:06:49,710 --> 01:06:53,840
Oh, that's very good.
Will you excuse me, dear? Call of nature.

801
01:06:55,220 --> 01:06:57,650
Check those. I'll be right back.

802
01:07:20,040 --> 01:07:22,240
- Oh, God.
- Oh, God!

803
01:07:22,940 --> 01:07:25,440
- Oh, my God!
- Chris! Wait!

804
01:07:26,280 --> 01:07:28,310
Lydia! We gotta call the cops!

805
01:07:28,450 --> 01:07:30,940
- We gotta dial 911 now!
- Why?

806
01:07:31,090 --> 01:07:34,610
Mrs Doubtfire. He's a she!

807
01:07:34,720 --> 01:07:36,660
What?!

808
01:07:36,760 --> 01:07:39,350
- He's half man, half woman!
- What?!

809
01:07:39,960 --> 01:07:43,920
- All right, everyone. Calm down.
- Freeze! Or you're gonna get it!

810
01:07:44,070 --> 01:07:45,500
- In the balls!
- Yeah!

811
01:07:46,370 --> 01:07:48,860
- She's got 'em?
- She's got everything.

812
01:07:48,970 --> 01:07:51,030
All right. Listen to me.

813
01:07:51,170 --> 01:07:53,640
I'm not... who you think I am.

814
01:07:53,740 --> 01:07:56,910
- No shit!
- Watch your mouth, young man!

815
01:08:00,720 --> 01:08:02,740
Oh, my God.

816
01:08:06,020 --> 01:08:08,850
- Dad?
- Yeah.

817
01:08:09,790 --> 01:08:12,390
- Dad?
- Yeah, honey.

818
01:08:14,000 --> 01:08:16,730
You don't really like
wearin' that stuff, do you?

819
01:08:17,300 --> 01:08:19,960
Well, some of it's comfortable... No!

820
01:08:20,440 --> 01:08:24,500
It's a pain in the padded ass.
This is not a way of life. It's just a job.

821
01:08:25,140 --> 01:08:28,770
I don't go to old-lady bars or
anything like that after work.

822
01:08:28,910 --> 01:08:31,610
It's the only way
I could see you guys every day.

823
01:08:31,750 --> 01:08:35,550
- Who did this?
- Uncle Frank and Aunt Jack.

824
01:08:41,920 --> 01:08:43,950
It's really you in there.

825
01:08:44,060 --> 01:08:46,120
Yeah.

826
01:08:48,600 --> 01:08:53,830
It's just a mask. And this is a body suit.
I didn't have any operations or anything.

827
01:08:53,970 --> 01:08:56,030
- It's good.
- Yeah.

828
01:08:56,170 --> 01:08:57,600
Hi.

829
01:08:59,670 --> 01:09:03,540
- Sorry I scared you. Come here, Chris.
- No. No, it's OK.

830
01:09:03,650 --> 01:09:07,310
I get it. I just...
don't wanna hug you or anything.

831
01:09:07,780 --> 01:09:11,180
- Not just yet.
- That's cool. It's a guy thing.

832
01:09:11,990 --> 01:09:13,610
Yeah.

833
01:09:13,760 --> 01:09:16,920
Well, now that you know,
you can't tell Mom, OK?

834
01:09:17,760 --> 01:09:23,460
Cos if she finds out, I'll only be able
to see you through plate glass. OK?

835
01:09:23,600 --> 01:09:26,660
And we can't tell Nattie,
cos she'll blow my cover.

836
01:09:26,800 --> 01:09:29,960
So you have to promise me,
it's just us. All right?

837
01:09:30,070 --> 01:09:32,440
- You promise?
- Yeah.

838
01:09:34,910 --> 01:09:36,970
It's OK.

839
01:09:38,880 --> 01:09:41,580
All right? It's our little secret.

840
01:09:45,120 --> 01:09:49,650
Most of the dinosaurs were herbivorous.

841
01:09:49,790 --> 01:09:52,390
<i>But this Tyrannosaurus rex</i>

842
01:09:53,090 --> 01:09:55,430
is a carnivore.

843
01:10:02,340 --> 01:10:05,470
<i>The reptile-like Saurischia</i>

844
01:10:08,710 --> 01:10:11,510
and the bird-like

845
01:10:11,650 --> 01:10:13,480
<i>Ornithischia.</i>

846
01:10:20,160 --> 01:10:22,920
<i>Now, we're going to go</i>

847
01:10:23,060 --> 01:10:25,530
<i>where no human being has ever been.</i>

848
01:10:25,660 --> 01:10:27,690
Oh, no.

849
01:10:29,300 --> 01:10:31,390
Which one's the dinosaur?

850
01:10:31,500 --> 01:10:36,200
- The one in the middle, I think.
- Nah, you're wrong. They're all extinct.

851
01:10:38,070 --> 01:10:42,440
I can't believe they're still
subjecting kids to this. This is insane.

852
01:10:42,540 --> 01:10:47,640
There should be a disclaimer: Do not operate
heavy machinery while watching this show.

853
01:10:47,750 --> 01:10:49,810
It's incredible.

854
01:10:49,920 --> 01:10:53,910
This guy used to put me to sleep
when I was a kid. It's amazing.

855
01:10:54,060 --> 01:10:59,150
He has the warmth of a snow pea. Makes
Mr Rogers look like Mick Jagger. It's insane.

856
01:10:59,930 --> 01:11:03,420
What kind of idiot
kept this guy on the air for 25 years?

857
01:11:04,070 --> 01:11:05,500
Me.

858
01:11:08,670 --> 01:11:10,500
You?

859
01:11:10,610 --> 01:11:12,470
Jonathan Lundy.

860
01:11:13,940 --> 01:11:16,640
Jonathan Lundy, General Manager, owner?

861
01:11:17,680 --> 01:11:19,700
Daniel Hillard, former employee.

862
01:11:21,080 --> 01:11:23,110
Maybe.

863
01:11:23,690 --> 01:11:25,710
That's funny.

864
01:11:25,820 --> 01:11:27,980
I don't mean to criticize. I just...

865
01:11:28,120 --> 01:11:31,960
- Sometimes I have...
- Criticize all you want. Show's terrible.

866
01:11:32,090 --> 01:11:36,460
I'm gonna cancel it. It's pullin' down
the whole afternoon schedule. It's gone.

867
01:11:36,560 --> 01:11:38,590
You know what you gotta do?

868
01:11:38,730 --> 01:11:41,760
Start from scratch.
Give it... maybe a musical number.

869
01:11:41,900 --> 01:11:46,860
<i>- A little Tyrannosaurus rex comes out...
- Hillard, get your ass to the truck.</i>

870
01:11:46,980 --> 01:11:50,340
That shipment's gotta make
a six o'clock flight to LA.

871
01:11:50,450 --> 01:11:52,970
Tone, this is Mr Lundy.

872
01:11:53,450 --> 01:11:55,970
- He knows who I am.
- Yeah.

873
01:11:56,120 --> 01:12:00,420
Did you ever wish that you could
freeze-frame a single moment in your day,

874
01:12:00,590 --> 01:12:03,150
look at it and say "This is not my life"?

875
01:12:30,450 --> 01:12:33,220
Miranda. What are you home early for, dear?

876
01:12:33,350 --> 01:12:35,650
I had an appointment. Oh, thank you!

877
01:12:35,790 --> 01:12:39,020
With the court liaison. Mrs Sellner.

878
01:12:39,160 --> 01:12:41,630
- I can't believe it.
- What, dear?

879
01:12:42,230 --> 01:12:46,460
She says Daniel has some woman
living with him pretending to be his sister!

880
01:12:47,770 --> 01:12:53,640
- I told her he doesn't even have a sister.
- Mrs Sellner's probably mistaken.

881
01:12:53,780 --> 01:12:57,230
She's a social worker, dear. Really!

882
01:12:57,380 --> 01:13:00,970
And besides, how could he replace you?

883
01:13:01,080 --> 01:13:03,610
And so quickly. Really!

884
01:13:03,720 --> 01:13:07,150
She's supposed to be older
and very unattractive.

885
01:13:08,860 --> 01:13:10,880
Really?

886
01:13:11,730 --> 01:13:13,790
Mrs Doubtfire.

887
01:13:15,430 --> 01:13:18,490
- Yes?
- Did you and Mr Doubtfire ever...

888
01:13:19,470 --> 01:13:25,300
- You must have had your share of problems.
- Oh, of course, dear. What marriage doesn't?

889
01:13:25,440 --> 01:13:29,100
But I always say: The bad times fade away,

890
01:13:29,240 --> 01:13:32,270
and the good ones
adhere themselves to your memory.

891
01:13:32,410 --> 01:13:35,080
- Yes. Excuse me.
- That's all right.

892
01:13:38,220 --> 01:13:42,780
As I hold this cold meat,
I'm reminded of Winston. God rest his soul.

893
01:13:43,520 --> 01:13:45,460
When did he... pass on?

894
01:13:47,100 --> 01:13:50,330
Eight years ago, dear. This November.

895
01:13:50,630 --> 01:13:52,690
What happened?

896
01:13:52,830 --> 01:13:55,530
- He was quite fond of the drink.
- Ah.

897
01:13:56,440 --> 01:13:59,000
- It was the drink that killed him.
- How awful.

898
01:13:59,110 --> 01:14:03,270
- He was an alcoholic?
- No. He was hit by a Guinness truck.

899
01:14:03,380 --> 01:14:06,350
So it was quite literally
the drink that killed him.

900
01:14:06,510 --> 01:14:09,010
- How tragic!
- Yes.

901
01:14:13,550 --> 01:14:16,460
Oh, but he was a good man, though, really.

902
01:14:17,990 --> 01:14:20,430
A sainted man.

903
01:14:20,530 --> 01:14:23,220
And despite his mountains of faults, dear,

904
01:14:23,330 --> 01:14:26,700
I always say: A flawed husband
is better than none at all.

905
01:14:27,900 --> 01:14:32,310
- Who needs a husband when I've got you?
- Surely you don't mean that, dear?

906
01:14:32,410 --> 01:14:34,840
- Well...
- Oh, that's so sweet!

907
01:14:34,940 --> 01:14:38,710
You can't imagine what it was like
being married to Daniel.

908
01:14:38,810 --> 01:14:43,580
Tell me, dear. What was so horrible
about this man you lived with for 14 years?

909
01:14:43,720 --> 01:14:45,780
Well, at first, nothing.

910
01:14:45,920 --> 01:14:48,980
He was so... romantic.

911
01:14:49,120 --> 01:14:51,150
- So passionate.
- Really?

912
01:14:51,290 --> 01:14:54,160
He sounds like an absolute stud, dear.

913
01:14:54,300 --> 01:14:58,130
I hope you don't mind me
being a tad rude, but...

914
01:14:58,230 --> 01:15:02,190
How was he... you know...
on a scale of 1 to 10?

915
01:15:02,340 --> 01:15:05,670
Oh, well. That part was always...

916
01:15:06,410 --> 01:15:08,070
OK.

917
01:15:08,180 --> 01:15:10,410
Just OK?

918
01:15:11,010 --> 01:15:14,950
He was probably a Casanova
compared to poor old Winston.

919
01:15:15,050 --> 01:15:17,540
- What was the matter with Winston?
- Oh, dear.

920
01:15:17,650 --> 01:15:21,990
Winston's idea of foreplay was
"Effie, brace yourself. "

921
01:15:25,130 --> 01:15:28,320
It was Daniel's spontaneity and energy
I fell in love with.

922
01:15:28,430 --> 01:15:30,290
Really?

923
01:15:30,400 --> 01:15:34,960
Everyone else I knew
was so organized, so scheduled.

924
01:15:35,070 --> 01:15:37,130
Like me, I guess.

925
01:15:37,240 --> 01:15:42,200
But Daniel was so wonderfully different.
And funny. He could always make me laugh.

926
01:15:42,340 --> 01:15:45,540
I always say:
The key to a solid marriage is laughter.

927
01:15:46,880 --> 01:15:50,580
But after a few years,
everything just stopped being funny.

928
01:15:50,690 --> 01:15:54,380
- Why?
- I was working all the time.

929
01:15:54,490 --> 01:15:58,650
And he was always between jobs.
I hardly ever got to see the kids.

930
01:15:58,790 --> 01:16:02,660
If I got home early to be with them,
something would go wrong.

931
01:16:02,800 --> 01:16:06,200
The house would be wrecked
and I'd have to clean it up.

932
01:16:07,570 --> 01:16:12,230
He never knew, but so many nights I just...
cried myself to sleep.

933
01:16:14,080 --> 01:16:15,940
Really?

934
01:16:17,910 --> 01:16:21,580
The truth is, I didn't like who I was
when I was with him.

935
01:16:22,380 --> 01:16:24,610
I would turn into this horrible person.

936
01:16:25,690 --> 01:16:29,450
I didn't want my kids growing up
with a mother like that.

937
01:16:30,830 --> 01:16:33,290
When I'm not with Daniel, I'm better.

938
01:16:34,430 --> 01:16:39,020
And... I'm sure he's better
when he's not with me.

939
01:16:40,270 --> 01:16:42,760
Well, you never...

940
01:16:42,870 --> 01:16:47,200
I mean... Did you ever
say anything to him, dear?

941
01:16:49,440 --> 01:16:52,500
Daniel never liked
to talk about anything serious.

942
01:16:58,550 --> 01:17:02,680
I used to think Daniel could do anything.
Except be serious.

943
01:17:05,330 --> 01:17:09,060
But then, I was serious enough
for everybody.

944
01:17:31,390 --> 01:17:35,820
- This is great!
- Isn't this posh!

945
01:17:35,920 --> 01:17:41,450
I'll bet it's very exclusive. Probably need
a credit reference just to get in the pool.

946
01:17:41,560 --> 01:17:44,220
- Amazing!
- Oh, Nattie.

947
01:17:44,330 --> 01:17:48,290
Not a single body
that exists in nature. Look at that.

948
01:17:48,400 --> 01:17:50,530
- Lydie...
- There's Stu!

949
01:17:50,670 --> 01:17:52,830
Where? Oh. On the board.

950
01:17:53,610 --> 01:17:56,130
Oh, isn't he a stunning piece of work?

951
01:17:56,280 --> 01:17:59,370
Look, Nattie. That's called liposuction.

952
01:18:10,560 --> 01:18:14,290
I hope he had protection,
hitting the water at that speed.

953
01:18:14,400 --> 01:18:17,260
- Let's go say hi.
- Let's do, please.

954
01:18:17,370 --> 01:18:19,960
- That's amazing.
- Stunning.

955
01:18:26,910 --> 01:18:30,340
- Hello! You look lovely!
- Hi.

956
01:18:30,440 --> 01:18:32,880
Oh, guys, I'm so glad you could make it.

957
01:18:32,980 --> 01:18:36,940
- By the looks of you, that water's so cold!
- Yes, well...

958
01:18:37,120 --> 01:18:39,990
Your tummy looks different from my daddy's.

959
01:18:40,860 --> 01:18:45,420
Oh, Nattie! Not everyone has
their own personal trainer.

960
01:18:45,990 --> 01:18:49,520
- Got your swimsuits? Wanna go for a dip?
- That'd be great!

961
01:18:49,800 --> 01:18:53,700
- Good! How about you, Mrs Doubtfire?
- Oh, you wicked, wicked man!

962
01:18:53,800 --> 01:18:57,130
Isn't there enough flesh here
for you to feast your eyes on?

963
01:18:57,240 --> 01:19:01,700
- Come, Mrs Doubtfire. Don't be bashful.
- No, dear. They've outlawed whaling.

964
01:19:01,810 --> 01:19:05,180
- We'd be re-enacting the Titanic.
- Come on, Mrs Doubtfire.

965
01:19:05,280 --> 01:19:09,110
Oh, no. Just go. Leave me here.
I'll just sit in the sun and crisp.

966
01:19:09,220 --> 01:19:11,950
You can't get heatstroke
twice in the same year.

967
01:19:12,050 --> 01:19:14,850
OK. Well, let's go, kids. Swim time.

968
01:19:15,220 --> 01:19:18,390
- Go, dear. I'll be fine.
- Your day's on me, Mrs Doubtfire.

969
01:19:18,490 --> 01:19:21,430
- Anything you need, put it on my tab.
- Thank you, dear.

970
01:19:21,560 --> 01:19:24,860
Touch me again and
I'll drown you, you bastard.

971
01:19:25,000 --> 01:19:28,660
I'll just sit here and watch you
move in on my family.

972
01:19:33,470 --> 01:19:37,880
Oh, God. What am I doing here?
This is beyond obsession.

973
01:20:05,840 --> 01:20:09,800
- Is everything all right, ma'am?
- Fan-bloody-tastic.

974
01:20:09,910 --> 01:20:11,470
- Can I have another?
- Sure.

975
01:20:11,610 --> 01:20:12,600
Great.

976
01:20:23,320 --> 01:20:25,660
Soda with a lime, please.

977
01:20:35,300 --> 01:20:37,740
- It's on me.
- No, thanks.

978
01:20:46,950 --> 01:20:49,010
Four iced teas, Todd.

979
01:20:50,050 --> 01:20:52,080
So, whose rugrats?

980
01:20:54,990 --> 01:20:56,680
Miranda Hillard's.

981
01:20:56,790 --> 01:20:59,920
- Miranda Hillard?
- The woman I'm seeing.

982
01:21:00,860 --> 01:21:03,760
No kidding? You?
The guy who's never having kids?

983
01:21:03,900 --> 01:21:08,230
Won't have anything to do with kids?
You won't even date a woman with kids.

984
01:21:08,370 --> 01:21:10,430
People change, Ron.

985
01:21:10,540 --> 01:21:14,340
I'm pushing 40. I don't want to
spend the rest of my life by myself.

986
01:21:14,480 --> 01:21:16,840
She's got an awful lot
of baggage. Three kids.

987
01:21:16,940 --> 01:21:21,850
Three terrific kids, and I'm crazy about
them. Especially little Natalie. Look at her.

988
01:21:21,950 --> 01:21:24,110
She's a sweetie pie.

989
01:21:24,920 --> 01:21:29,480
God knows they need a stable father figure
in their life right now.

990
01:21:29,590 --> 01:21:34,890
- What about their real father?
- What can I say? The guy's a loser. I'll see ya.

991
01:21:35,930 --> 01:21:38,520
Loser? Oh, yeah?

992
01:21:43,600 --> 01:21:45,660
Oh, sir!

993
01:21:45,770 --> 01:21:50,070
I saw it! Some angry member
of the kitchen staff. Did you not tip them?

994
01:21:50,180 --> 01:21:54,010
Oh, the terrorists! They ran that way.
It was a run-by fruiting.

995
01:21:54,150 --> 01:21:56,620
I'll get them, sir. Don't worry.

996
01:22:04,160 --> 01:22:06,180
Good waste of juice.

997
01:22:06,330 --> 01:22:08,020
Loser.

998
01:22:10,230 --> 01:22:12,560
What are you lookin' at?

999
01:22:44,200 --> 01:22:46,220
Hi, boys and girls.

1000
01:22:46,370 --> 01:22:49,630
Today we'll be talking about dinosaurs.

1001
01:22:49,770 --> 01:22:52,970
It's A Dinosaurus Line!

1002
01:22:56,640 --> 01:22:59,080
And please welcome... the king!

1003
01:23:03,320 --> 01:23:07,010
It's a dinner show. Hi! Where you from?
I'm gonna make you lunch.

1004
01:23:07,120 --> 01:23:09,490
Thank you very much. Thank you! All right!

1005
01:23:09,620 --> 01:23:12,680
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your claws together!

1006
01:23:12,830 --> 01:23:17,090
Please welcome... James Browntosaurus!

1007
01:23:19,130 --> 01:23:21,100
I eat wood

1008
01:23:21,440 --> 01:23:23,870
It tastes good

1009
01:23:24,440 --> 01:23:26,670
No meat, big feet

1010
01:23:26,810 --> 01:23:29,570
I eat wood

1011
01:23:29,680 --> 01:23:33,510
Oh, I got to help myself!
Can't go on! I'm goin' extinct!

1012
01:23:33,650 --> 01:23:39,180
Oh, thank you, James. But right now...
it's time for the Raptor Rap!

1013
01:23:39,290 --> 01:23:42,120
I'm a raptor, doin' what I can

1014
01:23:42,260 --> 01:23:45,380
Gonna eat everything
till the appearance of man

1015
01:23:45,730 --> 01:23:48,890
Yo, yo, see me, I'm livin' below the soil

1016
01:23:49,030 --> 01:23:52,020
I'll be back but I'm comin' as oil

1017
01:23:55,300 --> 01:23:58,000
Very impressive, Mr Hillard!

1018
01:23:58,110 --> 01:24:02,800
- I didn't know anybody was watching.
- I was watching. That's funny stuff.

1019
01:24:02,910 --> 01:24:05,940
- Well, thanks.
- I think kids'd like it.

1020
01:24:06,080 --> 01:24:10,310
- They'd be entertained and get information.
- That's kinda my theory.

1021
01:24:10,450 --> 01:24:13,320
You don't have to play down to 'em,
just play to 'em.

1022
01:24:13,450 --> 01:24:17,080
- Listen, I'd like to hear more of your ideas.
- My ideas?

1023
01:24:17,190 --> 01:24:20,750
- How about a dinner meeting?
- Wow. OK.

1024
01:24:20,890 --> 01:24:24,020
Next Friday. Bridges Restaurant.
Seven o'clock sharp.

1025
01:24:25,500 --> 01:24:27,560
I'll be there.

1026
01:24:32,910 --> 01:24:34,500
Take five.

1027
01:24:34,680 --> 01:24:37,670
Take five million. You're dead.

1028
01:24:41,150 --> 01:24:46,050
We've just had our first
home-cooked meal. I'm domestic now, huh?

1029
01:24:46,150 --> 01:24:49,920
- This is terrific, Dad.
- You want more spaghetti?

1030
01:24:50,020 --> 01:24:52,790
- No, I'm stuffed.
- Garlic bread? I made it myself.

1031
01:24:52,930 --> 01:24:56,160
Well, I didn't make it myself.
I cooked it. I sliced it.

1032
01:24:56,300 --> 01:24:58,790
It's OK, Dad. Thanks.

1033
01:24:58,930 --> 01:25:01,730
The place looks great. The food's terrific.

1034
01:25:02,640 --> 01:25:05,330
I'm really proud of you.

1035
01:25:05,440 --> 01:25:06,930
Yeah. Me, too.

1036
01:25:07,040 --> 01:25:09,530
Me, too.

1037
01:25:12,510 --> 01:25:14,710
I'll be right back.

1038
01:25:20,320 --> 01:25:22,810
- Thank you for knocking.
- Yeah.

1039
01:25:25,060 --> 01:25:27,360
Look at this!

1040
01:25:27,460 --> 01:25:29,900
I see you got someone to clean for you.

1041
01:25:30,000 --> 01:25:32,020
No.

1042
01:25:33,870 --> 01:25:36,340
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Mom.

1043
01:25:36,740 --> 01:25:39,540
- Are they ready?
- No. They haven't had dessert yet.

1044
01:25:39,640 --> 01:25:42,800
- You cooked?
- Yes. I cook, I bake, I sew.

1045
01:25:43,210 --> 01:25:46,300
Thanks to this Amish
home study course I'm doing.

1046
01:25:46,750 --> 01:25:49,180
- I'm very impressed.
- Really?

1047
01:25:49,280 --> 01:25:53,120
Give me a second chance. OK?
Let me take the kids after school.

1048
01:25:53,850 --> 01:25:57,590
- I can't get rid of Mrs Doubtfire. She's terrific.
- Why not?

1049
01:25:57,760 --> 01:26:00,250
She's the best thing
that ever happened to us.

1050
01:26:00,390 --> 01:26:05,260
The kids are all doing better in school.
Chris is passing every single subject.

1051
01:26:05,400 --> 01:26:10,130
I find myself getting home early just
to be with them. We're all doing so great.

1052
01:26:12,510 --> 01:26:15,070
Sounds like an amazing woman.
Too good to be true.

1053
01:26:15,210 --> 01:26:17,340
She is.

1054
01:26:25,120 --> 01:26:27,640
- I kinda like the black one.
- Me, too.

1055
01:26:28,260 --> 01:26:30,620
I don't know. Actually... Mrs Doubtfire!

1056
01:26:30,790 --> 01:26:32,990
- Yes?
- We need another woman's opinion.

1057
01:26:33,090 --> 01:26:35,150
Oh! Then I'm your woman.

1058
01:26:35,260 --> 01:26:37,960
- Which one?
- What's the occasion?

1059
01:26:38,070 --> 01:26:40,690
It's my birthday.

1060
01:26:40,870 --> 01:26:43,500
Stu's taking me out to dinner.

1061
01:26:45,470 --> 01:26:47,370
Neither.

1062
01:26:47,470 --> 01:26:50,440
They're both too brazen, dear.
They cry "harlot".

1063
01:26:50,540 --> 01:26:53,270
Red is the traditional
color for streetwalkers.

1064
01:26:53,410 --> 01:26:57,410
And the black one is far too short.
I hope you waxed.

1065
01:26:57,520 --> 01:26:59,280
They both say to me "I'm easy. "

1066
01:26:59,420 --> 01:27:03,620
You want to be Kilimanjaro
on your first date - inaccessible.

1067
01:27:03,720 --> 01:27:06,590
Why buy the cow
when you can get the milk for free?

1068
01:27:06,690 --> 01:27:10,130
No, let's find something more your own age.

1069
01:27:10,260 --> 01:27:12,290
Something a little less tawdry.

1070
01:27:13,130 --> 01:27:15,190
Let's see.

1071
01:27:15,300 --> 01:27:18,860
How about this lovely frock?
Tasteful, elegant...

1072
01:27:18,970 --> 01:27:20,940
Don't you think?

1073
01:27:21,070 --> 01:27:24,600
And old. I wore that
to my aunt's funeral in 1976.

1074
01:27:24,710 --> 01:27:28,080
A classic never dies, dear.
I think it's time to revive it.

1075
01:27:28,180 --> 01:27:31,120
I think we should ask the kids.
What do you think?

1076
01:27:31,250 --> 01:27:35,850
- I'd go with the short, black one.
- Yeah. It's the most fun.

1077
01:27:36,690 --> 01:27:38,720
There. You see? I agree.

1078
01:27:38,890 --> 01:27:42,290
Fine. You ask my opinion,
then don't take it.

1079
01:27:42,400 --> 01:27:47,060
- I will not be held responsible for your virtue.
- You'll be there to protect me.

1080
01:27:47,170 --> 01:27:52,470
- Stu has invited you and the kids to join us.
- Oh, how lovely! One big, happy family.

1081
01:27:52,570 --> 01:27:56,300
I wouldn't miss that for the world!
Should be smashing good fun!

1082
01:27:56,410 --> 01:27:59,970
- I'm so glad.
- When is this enchanted evening?

1083
01:28:00,110 --> 01:28:02,910
Friday night, seven o'clock.

1084
01:28:03,020 --> 01:28:06,880
- This Friday at seven?
- Yes. At my favorite restaurant. Bridges.

1085
01:28:08,020 --> 01:28:10,080
- Bridges?
- Yes.

1086
01:28:10,190 --> 01:28:12,280
- Friday at seven.
- Bridges.

1087
01:28:12,390 --> 01:28:14,450
Sorry.

1088
01:28:15,530 --> 01:28:17,550
- Bridges?
- Yes! Bridges.

1089
01:28:17,700 --> 01:28:20,930
- The restaurant Bridges?
- Friday at seven.

1090
01:28:22,040 --> 01:28:25,990
- I can't. Please, don't. It's bingo night, dear.
- Cancel it.

1091
01:28:26,140 --> 01:28:29,580
I can't, dear. It's my turn
to pull the balls at the rectory.

1092
01:28:29,710 --> 01:28:32,140
- Please join us.
- Don't ask me that, dear.

1093
01:28:32,250 --> 01:28:34,310
I can't have my birthday without you.

1094
01:28:34,410 --> 01:28:38,510
It's so important to us that you be there.
You're part of the family now.

1095
01:28:38,620 --> 01:28:43,520
I can't have a birthday without you.
It would mean so much to me and the children.

1096
01:28:43,620 --> 01:28:48,030
Please promise you'll come with us,
Mrs Doubtfire. You just have to.

1097
01:28:49,800 --> 01:28:52,290
Who could resist that little face?

1098
01:28:53,800 --> 01:28:56,290
- I promise.
- Thank you!

1099
01:28:57,600 --> 01:28:59,500
Thank you, dear.

1100
01:29:00,410 --> 01:29:02,240
- Are you all right?
- Fine.

1101
01:29:02,380 --> 01:29:04,400
Let's see... Nothing.

1102
01:29:04,550 --> 01:29:06,710
- Anything in May?
- Not a thing.

1103
01:29:06,810 --> 01:29:08,840
It doesn't look good.

1104
01:29:09,650 --> 01:29:13,180
I'm sorry. Mr Lundy is completely booked
for the next two months.

1105
01:29:13,650 --> 01:29:17,450
- I'll meet him any time, anywhere.
- Sorry. There's nothing I can do.

1106
01:29:17,590 --> 01:29:20,460
Please. I can't cancel.
It's a huge opportunity.

1107
01:29:20,590 --> 01:29:23,720
Take my advice: Don't cancel.

1108
01:29:27,030 --> 01:29:29,260
Thank you.

1109
01:29:43,780 --> 01:29:46,810
- Come along, Nattie.
- Hello, darling!

1110
01:29:47,290 --> 01:29:50,260
- Shouldn't you cover your shoulders?
- No! I'm fine.

1111
01:29:50,460 --> 01:29:52,820
- Good evening, Mr Lundy.
- Good evening.

1112
01:29:52,930 --> 01:29:56,760
Oh, God. Here we go.

1113
01:29:56,860 --> 01:29:59,560
- Mrs Doubtfire, you look wonderful.
- Thank you.

1114
01:29:59,670 --> 01:30:01,690
Come on. I hope you're all hungry.

1115
01:30:06,710 --> 01:30:09,840
- Good evening, Mr Lundy.
- I'm meeting someone. Is he here?

1116
01:30:10,740 --> 01:30:12,800
No, I'm sorry. He hasn't arrived yet.

1117
01:30:12,910 --> 01:30:15,680
But we can seat you.
Smoking or nonsmoking?

1118
01:30:15,820 --> 01:30:18,280
Nonsmoking, please.

1119
01:30:18,420 --> 01:30:22,380
- Tanya will seat you. Table 15.
- This way, please.

1120
01:30:23,520 --> 01:30:26,580
- Reservation. Dunmeyer.
- Yes, sir.

1121
01:30:27,290 --> 01:30:29,420
- Smoking or nonsmoking?
- Nonsmoking.

1122
01:30:29,530 --> 01:30:32,400
- Smoking!
- Mrs Doubtfire, you don't smoke.

1123
01:30:32,500 --> 01:30:34,900
No, I don't. But I did.

1124
01:30:35,040 --> 01:30:40,030
I found the best way to keep from smoking
again is to be around those who do smoke.

1125
01:30:40,170 --> 01:30:44,840
I have to randomly ingest just a little bit
of nicotine and it steels my wool.

1126
01:30:44,950 --> 01:30:48,940
And I know you're Mr Health. Bless you
for putting yourself in harm's way.

1127
01:30:49,080 --> 01:30:52,750
- Smoking.
- All right. Table 39.

1128
01:30:52,890 --> 01:30:56,010
- Follow me, please.
- 39! My age! You're a saint.

1129
01:30:56,790 --> 01:30:59,690
Thank you very much
for humoring an old lady.

1130
01:31:09,800 --> 01:31:12,500
- He's pissed already.
- Mrs Doubtfire?

1131
01:31:13,670 --> 01:31:17,970
- Would you like to join us?
- Oh. I thought I saw Clint Eastwood.

1132
01:31:18,110 --> 01:31:21,740
That would make my day!
He is such a stud-muffin.

1133
01:31:21,880 --> 01:31:24,910
Will you excuse me, dear?
I have to check my wrap.

1134
01:31:25,020 --> 01:31:28,680
- I can do it for you.
- Oh, no, please. I'm quite capable of...

1135
01:31:28,790 --> 01:31:32,050
All right, dear. There you go.

1136
01:31:32,160 --> 01:31:34,920
- Oh, and your bag too, ma'am.
- Drop it!

1137
01:31:35,030 --> 01:31:38,000
Oh, I'm very sorry, dear. It's my medicine.

1138
01:31:38,130 --> 01:31:41,530
- I have to go take my medicine now.
- We have water at the table.

1139
01:31:41,640 --> 01:31:45,370
I can't take it orally, dear.
I'll be right back.

1140
01:31:45,510 --> 01:31:49,870
- Would you like something to drink?
- Oh, yes. A good stiff Chardonnay.

1141
01:31:49,980 --> 01:31:52,100
I like 'em light and woody.

1142
01:32:01,920 --> 01:32:05,880
<i>- Hello. Bridges Restaurant. May I help you?
- Yes. My name is Daniel Hillard.</i>

1143
01:32:05,990 --> 01:32:11,690
Mr Lundy is expecting me for dinner. Will you
tell him I'm running late, but I'm on my way?

1144
01:32:11,800 --> 01:32:15,430
<i>- I'll deliver the message personally, sir.
- Thank you.</i>

1145
01:32:23,880 --> 01:32:26,040
Oh, Stu!

1146
01:32:26,180 --> 01:32:28,010
I hope you like it.

1147
01:32:28,150 --> 01:32:30,840
It's gorgeous! Thank you!

1148
01:32:31,890 --> 01:32:33,750
Did I miss anything?

1149
01:32:34,790 --> 01:32:38,720
Well, yes. Look. This is the gift
that Stu gave me for my birthday.

1150
01:32:40,630 --> 01:32:42,650
- Isn't it gorgeous!
- Is it real?

1151
01:32:42,800 --> 01:32:44,820
It is very real, Mrs Doubtfire.

1152
01:32:44,970 --> 01:32:50,060
You can either wear that or feed a small
country. That's so nice. So decadent.

1153
01:32:50,200 --> 01:32:52,230
Mommy, I need to go.

1154
01:32:53,910 --> 01:32:56,810
- Mrs Doubtfire, would you take her?
- No. You.

1155
01:32:57,280 --> 01:33:00,640
- She wants you, dear.
- Well, I'll be right back.

1156
01:33:00,780 --> 01:33:01,870
OK.

1157
01:33:06,820 --> 01:33:08,850
Yes, well...

1158
01:33:08,990 --> 01:33:12,550
Children, look at that lovely
dessert tray over there.

1159
01:33:12,660 --> 01:33:17,100
Why don't you go over and pick what
you'd like now so they could reserve it?

1160
01:33:17,230 --> 01:33:19,260
- We'll be back.
- All right.

1161
01:33:21,400 --> 01:33:24,390
That's a pretty impressive
bauble you got her.

1162
01:33:24,500 --> 01:33:26,560
Oh, thank you. Thank you.

1163
01:33:26,670 --> 01:33:31,270
A fella gives a gift like that,
he wants more than a piece of her heart, eh?

1164
01:33:31,440 --> 01:33:33,880
Bit of a going-down payment, huh?

1165
01:33:34,010 --> 01:33:37,640
- Excuse me?
- You know, dear. Sink the sub.

1166
01:33:37,750 --> 01:33:40,050
Hide the weasel? Park the porpoise?

1167
01:33:40,150 --> 01:33:42,210
Bit of the old humpty dumpty?

1168
01:33:42,320 --> 01:33:47,190
- Little Jack Horny? The horizontal mambo?
- Mrs Doubtfire...

1169
01:33:47,290 --> 01:33:50,590
The bone dance, eh?
Rumpleforeskin? Baloney bop?

1170
01:33:50,700 --> 01:33:53,190
Bit of the old cunning linguistics? Hm?

1171
01:33:53,300 --> 01:33:57,130
- Mrs Doubtfire, please.
- Am I being a little graphic? Sorry.

1172
01:33:58,440 --> 01:34:01,700
- I hope you're up for a little competition.
- I beg your pardon?

1173
01:34:01,840 --> 01:34:07,510
She's got a power tool in the bedroom, dear.
It's her personal jackhammer.

1174
01:34:07,650 --> 01:34:11,050
She uses it and the lights dim.
It's like a prison movie.

1175
01:34:11,150 --> 01:34:14,250
Amazed she hasn't chipped her teeth.

1176
01:34:15,960 --> 01:34:18,020
I hope you bring cocktail sauce.

1177
01:34:19,060 --> 01:34:21,860
She's got crabs.
And I don't mean Dungeness.

1178
01:34:22,700 --> 01:34:25,320
I'm being blunt as a spoon, aren't I?

1179
01:34:25,930 --> 01:34:27,960
Forgive me.

1180
01:34:33,410 --> 01:34:36,240
It's the wine. Oh, gosh!

1181
01:34:36,340 --> 01:34:39,840
Be back in a flash.
All right? My tiny bladder.

1182
01:34:43,720 --> 01:34:45,740
- Mrs Doubtfire!
- What?!

1183
01:34:46,090 --> 01:34:49,920
- You're going into the men's room.
- No! Oh, so it is!

1184
01:34:50,020 --> 01:34:53,790
I do need new glasses, dear. Sorry!

1185
01:34:56,730 --> 01:34:58,760
Hello!

1186
01:35:28,260 --> 01:35:30,130
Jesus! God!

1187
01:35:42,410 --> 01:35:45,400
- Excuse me. May I have a menu?
- Of course.

1188
01:35:48,050 --> 01:35:50,980
- What's France like?
- Very beautiful.

1189
01:35:54,090 --> 01:35:56,150
Thank you very much.

1190
01:35:57,560 --> 01:35:59,250
- Mr Lundy.
- Oh, hi.

1191
01:35:59,390 --> 01:36:02,950
- Sorry I'm late. Did you get my message?
- Yes. Sit down.

1192
01:36:03,060 --> 01:36:06,190
- How about a drink?
- Sure. I'll have what he's having.

1193
01:36:06,300 --> 01:36:08,270
Double Chivas on the rocks.

1194
01:36:08,400 --> 01:36:11,800
Bring him two doubles so he can catch up.

1195
01:36:11,910 --> 01:36:17,070
- A Scotch drinker, huh? That's my kinda guy!
- Gentlemen, start your engines.

1196
01:36:21,850 --> 01:36:26,840
- OK, everybody. Are we ready to order?
- Yes, I believe we are. Children, fire away.

1197
01:36:26,990 --> 01:36:29,350
Shouldn't we wait for Mrs Doubtfire?

1198
01:36:30,420 --> 01:36:32,450
Yes.

1199
01:36:43,540 --> 01:36:45,870
- How are we doin' over here?
- No, no.

1200
01:36:46,010 --> 01:36:48,030
Oh, yes.

1201
01:36:52,710 --> 01:36:54,770
Now...

1202
01:36:55,850 --> 01:36:58,650
What can you do
to help the ratings on the kid show?

1203
01:36:58,750 --> 01:37:02,310
Bottom line: Don't patronize kids.
They're little people.

1204
01:37:02,460 --> 01:37:07,590
You gotta personalize it. Make it fun.
If it's something you'd enjoy, they'd enjoy it.

1205
01:37:07,730 --> 01:37:10,250
- That's what I'm interested in.
- Bingo!

1206
01:37:10,360 --> 01:37:13,330
Well, I wonder what's happened
to Mrs Doubtfire.

1207
01:37:13,470 --> 01:37:17,300
- We could cross over to the news.
- Would you excuse me for a moment?

1208
01:37:17,440 --> 01:37:19,060
But...

1209
01:37:49,400 --> 01:37:53,070
- May I help you, ma'am?
- Yes, dear. Thank you very much.

1210
01:37:55,540 --> 01:37:59,770
- Oh, my goodness!
- I'm so sorry! It's my fault.

1211
01:38:02,120 --> 01:38:05,180
- Forgive me. Excuse me.
- I'm all right. There we go.

1212
01:38:05,320 --> 01:38:07,580
Thank you. Oh, let's see here!

1213
01:38:07,720 --> 01:38:09,780
- May I take your order, ma'am?
- Oh, yes.

1214
01:38:12,560 --> 01:38:17,090
Let's see. I'll have the poached salmon.

1215
01:38:17,200 --> 01:38:19,790
- And you, sir?
- I'll have the jambalaya.

1216
01:38:19,930 --> 01:38:24,060
- Make mine not spicy. I'm allergic to pepper.
- Certainly, sir.

1217
01:38:24,170 --> 01:38:26,200
Thank you. Cheers. Your health.

1218
01:38:37,250 --> 01:38:39,150
Oh, my God.

1219
01:38:39,250 --> 01:38:43,380
So sorry about that. Just one moment.

1220
01:38:43,520 --> 01:38:45,550
<i>Carpe dentum - seize the teeth.</i>

1221
01:38:45,660 --> 01:38:47,560
Let me assist you.

1222
01:38:47,660 --> 01:38:51,430
A spoon. Oh, how clever. Wait. I've got it.

1223
01:38:51,560 --> 01:38:53,760
Wait. There. Make a pincer.

1224
01:38:53,930 --> 01:38:56,930
Come at it from both sides. Together - up.

1225
01:38:58,540 --> 01:39:00,560
Thank you. There it is.

1226
01:39:01,880 --> 01:39:04,140
Just shake them off, like a dog.

1227
01:39:04,240 --> 01:39:06,300
Sorry. Oh, forgive me.

1228
01:39:06,410 --> 01:39:09,250
- That's all right.
- Sorry about my spray.

1229
01:39:10,480 --> 01:39:14,650
I'll be right back. I just have to
re-attach them with a little adhesive.

1230
01:39:14,790 --> 01:39:18,220
- Tell him to pur�e the salmon, if you will.
- Pur�e the salmon.

1231
01:39:18,360 --> 01:39:20,790
Thank you. Sorry about that.

1232
01:39:27,630 --> 01:39:29,470
Oh, that one.

1233
01:39:34,370 --> 01:39:38,280
Oh. I didn't know there was
someone else in here. Sorry.

1234
01:39:44,720 --> 01:39:47,410
Damn it! Oh, there it is.

1235
01:39:50,060 --> 01:39:52,080
Excuse me.

1236
01:40:13,510 --> 01:40:17,640
Where the hell have you been?
I ordered you another Scotch.

1237
01:40:17,750 --> 01:40:19,650
Bully!

1238
01:40:24,920 --> 01:40:26,980
Daniel?

1239
01:40:27,660 --> 01:40:29,690
Are you wearing ladies' perfume?

1240
01:40:32,430 --> 01:40:34,460
Yes, I am.

1241
01:40:37,100 --> 01:40:39,590
Are you wearing lipstick?

1242
01:40:41,510 --> 01:40:42,840
Yeah.

1243
01:40:44,040 --> 01:40:46,070
Why?

1244
01:40:46,480 --> 01:40:49,610
- It rubbed off.
- From whom?

1245
01:40:51,650 --> 01:40:54,050
A girl I used to date. She's a waitress.

1246
01:40:54,390 --> 01:40:56,450
- A waitress? Here?
- Oh, yeah.

1247
01:40:57,290 --> 01:41:01,560
On the way to the bathroom...
Couldn't keep her hands off me.

1248
01:41:03,860 --> 01:41:07,160
- You dog!
- You scallywag!

1249
01:41:11,340 --> 01:41:15,070
I got the stretch outside.
Does your girlfriend have a girlfriend?

1250
01:41:15,170 --> 01:41:17,840
- Hey, it's the '90s.
- No, no! I mean...

1251
01:41:18,950 --> 01:41:21,640
Does she have a lady friend for me?

1252
01:41:21,910 --> 01:41:23,940
- Go ahead. Ask her.
- I'll go ask her.

1253
01:41:24,120 --> 01:41:27,380
Go on. Come on, go get 'em!

1254
01:41:34,530 --> 01:41:36,360
Hey, Dan!

1255
01:41:36,500 --> 01:41:38,520
I need my order for table 39!

1256
01:41:38,630 --> 01:41:41,900
- Relax. I'll be out in a minute.
- Thank you! Great.

1257
01:41:47,970 --> 01:41:50,370
39.

1258
01:42:01,850 --> 01:42:03,910
Table 39!

1259
01:42:20,340 --> 01:42:21,970
Hot jambalaya!

1260
01:42:34,020 --> 01:42:36,420
- Can I help you, ma'am?
- Sorry I'm late.

1261
01:42:36,560 --> 01:42:40,650
But after all those Scotches
I had to piss like a racehorse.

1262
01:42:42,760 --> 01:42:44,790
- Daniel?
- Yeah.

1263
01:42:46,470 --> 01:42:49,830
Why in God's name
are you dressed like a woman?!

1264
01:42:54,870 --> 01:42:56,930
Oh, damn.

1265
01:43:03,420 --> 01:43:05,440
Well...

1266
01:43:08,020 --> 01:43:11,050
I'd like you to meet
the host of your new show.

1267
01:43:11,420 --> 01:43:13,420
Host?

1268
01:43:13,530 --> 01:43:20,020
Euphegenia Doubtfire, dear. I specialize in
the education and entertainment of children.

1269
01:43:22,540 --> 01:43:24,590
Surprise!

1270
01:43:27,670 --> 01:43:29,570
Oh, thank you very much.

1271
01:43:29,680 --> 01:43:32,610
- This looks terrific.
- Where's Mrs Doubtfire?

1272
01:43:32,710 --> 01:43:34,910
Well, I hope the dear lady's all right.

1273
01:43:35,050 --> 01:43:38,880
- Shall we start?
- Yes. Let's start. I don't want it to get cold.

1274
01:43:41,320 --> 01:43:44,480
Tell me. Why would Mrs Doubtfire
be a good host?

1275
01:43:44,620 --> 01:43:49,620
I'm a hip old granny who could
hip-hop, bebop, dance till ya drop,

1276
01:43:49,730 --> 01:43:52,820
and yo, yo, make a wicked cup of cocoa.

1277
01:44:07,180 --> 01:44:09,270
Stu?

1278
01:44:11,080 --> 01:44:14,080
Oh, he's choking. He's choking!

1279
01:44:14,190 --> 01:44:17,520
Help us! Somebody help!
He's choking! Help us!

1280
01:44:17,660 --> 01:44:19,820
Oh, God! Oh, God!

1281
01:44:19,930 --> 01:44:23,660
- He's choking here! Call 911!
- Oh, no. I killed the bastard.

1282
01:44:23,760 --> 01:44:27,760
- Mrs Doubtfire! Help us! He's choking!
- Help is on the way, dear!

1283
01:44:27,900 --> 01:44:30,890
- Mrs Doubtfire!
- Help is on the way!

1284
01:44:31,000 --> 01:44:34,030
- Mrs Doubtfire, he's choking!
- Hold on, dear.

1285
01:44:37,540 --> 01:44:40,940
One more time, dear. Work with me!

1286
01:44:41,080 --> 01:44:43,380
Come on!

1287
01:45:01,700 --> 01:45:03,900
I'm all right.

1288
01:45:04,000 --> 01:45:05,990
- Are you all right?
- Yes.

1289
01:45:06,140 --> 01:45:08,610
Almost lost ya.

1290
01:45:13,780 --> 01:45:16,580
- Dad.
- Oh, my...

1291
01:45:18,780 --> 01:45:21,010
Daddy?

1292
01:45:25,790 --> 01:45:27,880
Yeah, honey. It's me.

1293
01:45:30,230 --> 01:45:32,790
Happy birthday.

1294
01:45:34,630 --> 01:45:36,000
Daniel...

1295
01:45:36,140 --> 01:45:38,230
Daniel! Oh, my God!

1296
01:45:38,640 --> 01:45:41,330
Oh, my God!

1297
01:45:41,470 --> 01:45:43,530
The whole time...

1298
01:45:43,640 --> 01:45:46,170
- The whole time?!
- I'm sorry, Miranda. Please?

1299
01:45:46,280 --> 01:45:50,010
Don't talk to me! Don't touch me!

1300
01:45:50,150 --> 01:45:53,240
I have to go. We have to leave now.
I have to leave!

1301
01:45:53,390 --> 01:45:56,180
We have to leave now!
I have to go! We're going.

1302
01:45:59,230 --> 01:46:01,460
- You guys go.
- I'm sorry, Dad.

1303
01:46:02,830 --> 01:46:04,850
Bye.

1304
01:46:05,900 --> 01:46:07,960
Sorry about the pepper. I was...

1305
01:46:19,580 --> 01:46:21,950
What are you lookin' at? Show's over.

1306
01:46:27,890 --> 01:46:31,790
Miss Robeson,
do you have any closing remarks?

1307
01:46:31,890 --> 01:46:33,950
Nothing further, Your Honor.

1308
01:46:34,830 --> 01:46:39,200
Mr Hillard, since you've determined
to act as your own attorney,

1309
01:46:39,300 --> 01:46:43,060
you are entitled to make
a closing statement at this time.

1310
01:46:53,110 --> 01:46:58,070
Your Honor, in the past two months,
I've secured a residence, refurbished it

1311
01:46:58,220 --> 01:47:02,120
and made it "an environment
fit for children". Those are your words.

1312
01:47:02,760 --> 01:47:08,020
I'm also holding down a job as a shipping
clerk. So I believe I met your requirements.

1313
01:47:08,130 --> 01:47:10,190
Ahead of schedule.

1314
01:47:11,330 --> 01:47:13,730
In regards to my behavior,

1315
01:47:13,870 --> 01:47:15,890
I can only plead insanity.

1316
01:47:16,040 --> 01:47:18,630
Because, ever since my children were born,

1317
01:47:18,740 --> 01:47:22,000
the moment I looked at them,
I was crazy about them.

1318
01:47:22,110 --> 01:47:24,600
Once I held them, I was hooked.

1319
01:47:26,050 --> 01:47:28,070
I'm addicted to my children, sir.

1320
01:47:28,980 --> 01:47:31,040
I love them with all my heart.

1321
01:47:31,150 --> 01:47:36,250
And the idea of someone telling me I can't
be with them, I can't see them every day...

1322
01:47:36,360 --> 01:47:39,050
It's like someone saying I can't have air.

1323
01:47:39,160 --> 01:47:42,690
I can't live without air,
and I can't live without them.

1324
01:47:43,160 --> 01:47:48,830
Listen, I would do anything. I just want
to be with them. I know I need that, sir.

1325
01:47:49,200 --> 01:47:51,690
We have a history.

1326
01:47:52,670 --> 01:47:57,870
And I just... They mean everything to me.
And they need me as much as I need them.

1327
01:48:00,150 --> 01:48:01,700
So, please.

1328
01:48:01,810 --> 01:48:04,080
Don't take my kids away from me.

1329
01:48:09,890 --> 01:48:11,910
Thank you.

1330
01:48:21,370 --> 01:48:23,390
Mr Hillard...

1331
01:48:23,540 --> 01:48:28,770
You've been able to fool a lot of people into
believing that you're a 60-year-old woman.

1332
01:48:29,540 --> 01:48:31,570
No easy task.

1333
01:48:31,740 --> 01:48:37,910
And your little speech seemed to be
very heartfelt and genuine.

1334
01:48:40,450 --> 01:48:46,880
But I believe it to be a terrific performance
by a very gifted actor. Nothing more.

1335
01:48:46,990 --> 01:48:50,430
- No. It's not that.
- The reality, Mr Hillard,

1336
01:48:51,060 --> 01:48:55,970
is that your lifestyle over the past month
has been very unorthodox.

1337
01:48:56,470 --> 01:49:00,100
And I refuse to further subject
three innocent children

1338
01:49:00,210 --> 01:49:04,440
to your peculiar
and potentially harmful behavior.

1339
01:49:04,580 --> 01:49:08,240
It is this court's decision
to award full custody to Mrs Hillard.

1340
01:49:08,380 --> 01:49:09,640
Oh, God, no.

1341
01:49:09,820 --> 01:49:13,310
You will have supervised
visitation rights every Saturday.

1342
01:49:13,420 --> 01:49:14,940
Supervised, sir?

1343
01:49:15,050 --> 01:49:19,220
A court liaison will accompany you
when you spend time with the children.

1344
01:49:19,360 --> 01:49:24,800
I am suggesting a period of psychological
testing and perhaps treatment for you.

1345
01:49:26,000 --> 01:49:29,590
We will re-examine this case
one year from now.

1346
01:49:29,700 --> 01:49:32,830
Thank you. Court is adjourned.

1347
01:49:46,420 --> 01:49:49,620
I don't do laundry.
I don't do windows. I don't do carpets.

1348
01:49:49,720 --> 01:49:53,660
I don't do bathtubs. I don't do toilets.
And I don't do diapers.

1349
01:49:53,830 --> 01:49:56,690
My children have been potty-trained
for some time.

1350
01:49:56,860 --> 01:49:59,490
Well, I don't do washing.
I don't do basements.

1351
01:49:59,630 --> 01:50:02,900
I don't do dinners. I don't do reading.

1352
01:50:06,310 --> 01:50:10,300
Yes. Well, we have your number.
Thank you so much for coming.

1353
01:50:10,440 --> 01:50:13,000
- We'll be getting back to you.
- Thank you.

1354
01:50:13,110 --> 01:50:15,170
I'll show you to the door.

1355
01:50:18,020 --> 01:50:20,850
Yes, here we are. Please...

1356
01:50:26,430 --> 01:50:29,690
Laura, that shipment
has been delayed three times.

1357
01:50:29,860 --> 01:50:31,630
Yes, but...

1358
01:50:31,730 --> 01:50:35,060
Laura, I'm not gonna wait
another six months for it.

1359
01:50:35,170 --> 01:50:37,230
You do that. Call me back.

1360
01:50:39,510 --> 01:50:42,600
Oh, guys, please don't be so depressed.

1361
01:50:42,940 --> 01:50:45,070
Everything's gonna be all right.

1362
01:50:45,180 --> 01:50:48,200
- I miss her spaghetti.
- I miss her jokes.

1363
01:50:48,750 --> 01:50:50,610
I miss her stories.

1364
01:50:51,280 --> 01:50:55,410
Don't worry. We will find someone.
There are plenty of people out there.

1365
01:50:55,520 --> 01:50:57,460
Nobody like her.

1366
01:50:59,290 --> 01:51:04,020
All right. I admit things were a lot nicer
when she was around.

1367
01:51:04,130 --> 01:51:09,290
The house was so warm and cosy, the beds
were always made, and the dinner was...

1368
01:51:09,400 --> 01:51:14,240
She isn't real! We have to stop referring
to her as if she were a real person.

1369
01:51:14,340 --> 01:51:17,240
<i>Hello, my dears!</i>

1370
01:51:18,380 --> 01:51:21,040
<i>We have a wonderful show today.</i>

1371
01:51:21,150 --> 01:51:24,170
<i>We have Mr Van Zandt from the Sierra Club,</i>

1372
01:51:24,320 --> 01:51:28,580
<i>and he's going to bring some animals
that are endangered species.</i>

1373
01:51:28,720 --> 01:51:32,350
<i>- Do you know what that means, poppets?
- Did you say "puppet"?</i>

1374
01:51:32,490 --> 01:51:36,190
<i>Oh, no, dear! It's Kovacs! Welcome, Kovacs!</i>

1375
01:51:36,330 --> 01:51:39,590
<i>Hi, guys. Did you say "extinction"?
Does something stink?</i>

1376
01:51:39,730 --> 01:51:45,500
<i>It's not something smelling bad. Extinction
means there's no more of a particular animal.</i>

1377
01:51:45,600 --> 01:51:48,300
<i>- Oh, my God.
- Doesn't that make you a little mad?</i>

1378
01:51:48,410 --> 01:51:50,400
<i>- Very mad!
- Tell people about it.</i>

1379
01:51:50,540 --> 01:51:55,480
<i>I'm mad! You know why? Because next,
it's the chimps! There are fewer chimps...</i>

1380
01:51:55,580 --> 01:51:59,140
<i>Doesn't it make you mad that
humans play your parts in movies?</i>

1381
01:51:59,250 --> 01:52:05,280
<i>Ooh! "Planet of the Apes": Who gets the role?
Roddy McDowall! I'd be better than that!</i>

1382
01:52:05,390 --> 01:52:09,560
<i>- I'd be better than Charlton Heston!
- And your rug is better, too.</i>

1383
01:52:09,660 --> 01:52:12,630
<i>You could fly to Persia on that rug.</i>

1384
01:52:25,880 --> 01:52:29,610
- Shall we tell them where we'll be tomorrow?
- Yeah. They wanna know.

1385
01:52:29,750 --> 01:52:32,740
Tomorrow, poppets,
we're taking a wonderful trip.

1386
01:52:32,850 --> 01:52:36,380
But you don't have to pack
because we're going in our mind.

1387
01:52:36,490 --> 01:52:41,590
We're going across the Atlantic Ocean
to England, where I came from.

1388
01:52:41,690 --> 01:52:44,530
- You came from England?
- It's a wonderful country.

1389
01:52:44,630 --> 01:52:47,120
- Do you know about England?
- It's an island.

1390
01:52:47,230 --> 01:52:49,600
It's an island, dear. A glorious one.

1391
01:52:49,700 --> 01:52:54,230
- They have a queen and a royal family.
- Oh! Just like a poker game!

1392
01:52:54,370 --> 01:52:57,470
- It's a full house.
- Some cards don't live at home any more.

1393
01:52:57,610 --> 01:52:59,670
Thanks to mobile phones.

1394
01:53:00,580 --> 01:53:03,140
Do you know what language
they speak in England?

1395
01:53:03,250 --> 01:53:07,180
- Pakistani?
- That's right. In many stores they do.

1396
01:53:07,290 --> 01:53:10,080
But we'll get into that tomorrow,
boys and girls.

1397
01:53:10,220 --> 01:53:13,060
- You owe me a kiss, Kovacs.
- I'm gonna give you two.

1398
01:53:13,190 --> 01:53:15,630
- All right, dear.
- Here's one on the cheek.

1399
01:53:15,730 --> 01:53:20,560
- And here's a monkey bite!
- Oh, you wicked, wicked monkey!

1400
01:53:21,230 --> 01:53:24,830
Well, that's all for today. Bye-bye.

1401
01:53:24,940 --> 01:53:26,800
Cut!

1402
01:53:27,870 --> 01:53:30,570
That's a wrap, folks! Thank you very much.

1403
01:53:34,950 --> 01:53:39,040
We're a smash! Number one in our time slot!

1404
01:53:39,220 --> 01:53:42,880
Yes! Calls from Detroit, Cleveland,
Chicago, Los Angeles...

1405
01:53:43,020 --> 01:53:46,050
- All with offers to syndicate.
- Hollywood!

1406
01:53:46,230 --> 01:53:48,320
Daniel?

1407
01:53:48,460 --> 01:53:49,830
Yes?

1408
01:53:49,930 --> 01:53:54,260
- Miranda.
- Could I talk to you?

1409
01:53:56,070 --> 01:53:57,630
Yeah.

1410
01:53:57,740 --> 01:54:00,300
I'll be right out. Just wait here.

1411
01:54:22,530 --> 01:54:24,960
Welcome to Euphegenia's house.

1412
01:54:25,100 --> 01:54:28,460
A little drafty but...
you know. It's nice.

1413
01:54:31,300 --> 01:54:33,330
What can I do for you?

1414
01:54:35,070 --> 01:54:37,700
First of all, congratulations on the show.

1415
01:54:37,810 --> 01:54:40,780
Thanks. You got to see the dress rehearsal.

1416
01:54:42,150 --> 01:54:44,640
We've... The kids...

1417
01:54:45,620 --> 01:54:48,250
We've been watching every day.

1418
01:54:49,420 --> 01:54:52,690
It's nice to know they can see me every day.

1419
01:54:55,330 --> 01:54:59,990
Look, Daniel. I know it's gonna take
a long time to get over all the fights and

1420
01:55:00,130 --> 01:55:03,730
all the horrible things
we said to each other.

1421
01:55:03,840 --> 01:55:06,270
It's... It's so hard.

1422
01:55:07,970 --> 01:55:12,380
But I know somehow you and I will be
all right and we'll get through this.

1423
01:55:14,980 --> 01:55:17,380
But the kids...

1424
01:55:20,020 --> 01:55:22,080
I don't wanna hurt our children.

1425
01:55:24,820 --> 01:55:26,880
So what do you want me to do?

1426
01:55:26,990 --> 01:55:31,730
You want me to pretend everything's
all right? Put on a happy face? Smile?

1427
01:55:33,000 --> 01:55:36,130
Jesus, Miranda.
You took my children away from me.

1428
01:55:36,240 --> 01:55:38,600
I can only see them now with supervision.

1429
01:55:38,740 --> 01:55:42,610
Some woman watches me with the kids
like I'm some sort of deviant.

1430
01:55:42,740 --> 01:55:46,400
If I try to hug 'em, she wonders why.
You know what that's like?

1431
01:55:46,850 --> 01:55:51,810
You just sat there in that courtroom and
let that judge pass that despicable sentence.

1432
01:55:51,950 --> 01:55:54,320
- I was angry.
- Oh, God.

1433
01:55:54,420 --> 01:55:56,980
- You hurt me, too!
- You ripped my heart out!

1434
01:55:57,090 --> 01:56:00,650
You lied... You know what?
I don't wanna do this any more.

1435
01:56:00,790 --> 01:56:03,780
I don't wanna do any more
"who did what to whom".

1436
01:56:07,030 --> 01:56:10,630
Ever since this happened,
I've been trying to make sense out of it.

1437
01:56:10,770 --> 01:56:14,730
And the only thing I know in my heart
is that the children were happier

1438
01:56:14,840 --> 01:56:17,600
when Mrs Doubtfire
was a part of their lives.

1439
01:56:17,710 --> 01:56:19,200
Yeah?

1440
01:56:20,250 --> 01:56:23,870
She... brought out the best in them.

1441
01:56:24,850 --> 01:56:28,620
- She brought out the best in you.
- And you.

1442
01:56:33,860 --> 01:56:36,260
They miss her terribly.

1443
01:56:38,460 --> 01:56:42,300
- What are you saying?
- Daniel, the kids need you.

1444
01:56:51,010 --> 01:56:53,030
I need them.

1445
01:56:59,820 --> 01:57:03,190
<i>Well, tomorrow we'll have Frank,
who is a make-up artist.</i>

1446
01:57:04,720 --> 01:57:06,690
<i>A big knock at the door.</i>

1447
01:57:06,830 --> 01:57:10,020
<i>Who could that be?
And do we have enough time?</i>

1448
01:57:10,930 --> 01:57:13,420
<i>Mr Sprinkles, boys and girls!</i>

1449
01:57:13,530 --> 01:57:15,900
<i>Hello! What do you have for me today?</i>

1450
01:57:16,030 --> 01:57:19,300
<i>Mrs Doubtflier,
I've got a letter from Katie...</i>

1451
01:57:21,670 --> 01:57:23,700
It's the new baby-sitter.

1452
01:57:24,740 --> 01:57:27,010
Come on, guys! Get up! Let's go!

1453
01:57:29,350 --> 01:57:31,440
Come on.

1454
01:57:32,280 --> 01:57:34,550
It's gonna be all right.

1455
01:57:34,690 --> 01:57:37,310
Chris, wait right over there. Everybody.

1456
01:57:48,800 --> 01:57:50,860
Daddy!

1457
01:57:52,900 --> 01:57:54,630
Hi.

1458
01:57:55,570 --> 01:57:59,340
- What's goin' on?
- I'm here to pick you up.

1459
01:57:59,750 --> 01:58:03,580
Your dad's gonna take you
for a few hours every day after school.

1460
01:58:04,220 --> 01:58:06,280
Really?

1461
01:58:06,790 --> 01:58:09,250
What about the courts? That legal stuff.

1462
01:58:09,820 --> 01:58:12,550
- Ask your mom.
- I took care of it.

1463
01:58:13,230 --> 01:58:17,060
No more supervised visits.
No more court liaison.

1464
01:58:17,160 --> 01:58:20,130
- Just us?
- Just us.

1465
01:58:31,610 --> 01:58:33,670
Go get Mr Bear.

1466
01:58:34,050 --> 01:58:37,020
- Go get your stuff. Hurry up.
- All right.

1467
01:58:41,590 --> 01:58:44,990
- Would you like to come in?
- I'll wait outside.

1468
01:58:45,120 --> 01:58:46,560
OK.

1469
01:58:49,830 --> 01:58:51,890
Thank you.

1470
01:58:57,000 --> 01:58:58,400
See ya.

1471
01:59:03,210 --> 01:59:08,580
<i>"Dear Mrs Doubtfire - Two months ago
my mom and dad decided to separate. "</i>

1472
01:59:08,680 --> 01:59:10,810
<i>"Now they live in different houses. "</i>

1473
01:59:11,250 --> 01:59:16,520
<i>"My brother Andrew says that we aren't
a real family any more. Is this true?"</i>

1474
01:59:16,660 --> 01:59:18,710
<i>"Did I lose my family?"</i>

1475
01:59:18,820 --> 01:59:23,060
<i>"Is there anything I could do
to get my parents back together?"</i>

1476
01:59:23,200 --> 01:59:25,220
<i>"Sincerely, Katie McCormick. "</i>

1477
01:59:28,200 --> 01:59:30,230
<i>Oh, my dear Katie.</i>

1478
01:59:31,800 --> 01:59:37,170
<i>You know, some parents get along
much better when they don't live together.</i>

1479
01:59:37,280 --> 01:59:41,040
<i>They don't fight all the time
and they can become better people.</i>

1480
01:59:41,180 --> 01:59:44,170
<i>Much better mommies and daddies for you.</i>

1481
01:59:44,280 --> 01:59:47,380
<i>And sometimes they get back together.</i>

1482
01:59:48,420 --> 01:59:50,450
<i>And sometimes they don't, dear.</i>

1483
01:59:51,220 --> 01:59:53,250
<i>And if they don't,</i>

1484
01:59:53,390 --> 01:59:55,950
<i>don't blame yourself.</i>

1485
01:59:56,060 --> 02:00:00,900
<i>Just because they don't love each other
doesn't mean that they don't love you.</i>

1486
02:00:02,330 --> 02:00:05,830
<i>There are all sorts of
different families, Katie.</i>

1487
02:00:05,940 --> 02:00:10,070
<i>Some families have one mommy,
some families have one daddy,</i>

1488
02:00:10,210 --> 02:00:12,230
<i>or two families.</i>

1489
02:00:12,340 --> 02:00:15,010
<i>Some children live with their uncle or aunt.</i>

1490
02:00:15,110 --> 02:00:20,110
<i>Some live with their grandparents,
and some children live with foster parents.</i>

1491
02:00:20,250 --> 02:00:23,240
<i>Some live in separate homes
and neighborhoods</i>

1492
02:00:23,360 --> 02:00:25,410
<i>in different areas of the country.</i>

1493
02:00:25,520 --> 02:00:31,430
<i>They may not see each other for days,
weeks, months or even years at a time.</i>

1494
02:00:32,960 --> 02:00:35,020
<i>But if there's love, dear,</i>

1495
02:00:36,470 --> 02:00:38,940
<i>those are the ties that bind.</i>

1496
02:00:39,770 --> 02:00:43,230
<i>And you'll have a family
in your heart forever.</i>

1497
02:00:45,480 --> 02:00:47,880
<i>All my love to you, poppet.</i>

1498
02:00:47,980 --> 02:00:50,040
<i>You're going to be all right.</i>

1499
02:00:52,380 --> 02:00:54,440
<i>Bye-bye.</i>