1 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,900 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 2 00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:52,900 Hey, babe. So happy to see you! 3 00:00:52,933 --> 00:00:55,934 Hi! I got your flowers. That was so sweet of you. 4 00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:57,601 Of course. Well, I know you're finishing 5 00:00:57,634 --> 00:00:59,401 your Global Health paper today, 6 00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:01,067 and you've been working really hard on it. 7 00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:05,200 Well, I'm almost done, so, maybe, 8 00:01:05,234 --> 00:01:09,768 you want to come over and Netflix and chill and... 9 00:01:10,133 --> 00:01:11,234 What? 10 00:01:11,268 --> 00:01:14,200 You mean you want to fuck? 11 00:01:14,234 --> 00:01:16,234 I did not say that! (LAUGHS) 12 00:01:16,268 --> 00:01:17,401 - Oh, my God! - I know. 13 00:01:17,434 --> 00:01:19,067 No! I was being more subtle than that! 14 00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:20,133 I know. I'm sorry. 15 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,468 Yes, I am so down for that. 16 00:01:22,501 --> 00:01:24,368 It's been like three fucking days. 17 00:01:24,401 --> 00:01:27,167 My balls are so blue right now, 18 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:28,801 - like dark blue, - Uh-oh. 19 00:01:28,833 --> 00:01:29,801 Like almost black. 20 00:01:29,833 --> 00:01:32,100 No, I'm fucking serious. Here, check it out. 21 00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:34,701 I believe you. (LAUGHING) I believe you. 22 00:01:34,734 --> 00:01:35,601 Okay. 23 00:01:35,634 --> 00:01:37,833 I'll see your almost-black balls later. 24 00:01:37,867 --> 00:01:38,734 Cool, Steph. 25 00:01:38,768 --> 00:01:41,067 Come over any time after 6:00. Okay, hun? 26 00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:43,000 Okay. Dude, we are going to Netflix 27 00:01:43,033 --> 00:01:45,900 and chill this shit so hard. 28 00:01:45,933 --> 00:01:49,067 Peaky Blinders. Kimmy Schmidt! 29 00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:50,833 Movember’s over. 30 00:01:50,867 --> 00:01:53,933 Time to shave the pornstache. 31 00:01:53,967 --> 00:01:56,434 Sorry. Making a Murderer! 32 00:01:56,468 --> 00:01:58,100 Narcos! (LAUGHING) 33 00:01:58,133 --> 00:02:01,000 Stranger Things! 34 00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:03,534 Black balls! 35 00:02:19,301 --> 00:02:21,434 SCOTTY: Anyways, Ned followed his dreams, 36 00:02:21,468 --> 00:02:23,334 and turned a run-down old printing press 37 00:02:23,368 --> 00:02:24,734 into the industry powerhouse 38 00:02:24,767 --> 00:02:27,268 known today as the Fleming Company. 39 00:02:27,301 --> 00:02:28,833 (ALL CHEERING) Best boss in the world! 40 00:02:28,867 --> 00:02:31,000 The Fleming Company! 41 00:02:31,033 --> 00:02:32,301 SCOTTY: We're talking 42 00:02:32,334 --> 00:02:34,434 brochures for Steel-case furniture, 43 00:02:34,468 --> 00:02:36,601 half the specialty jobs in Grand Rapids 44 00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:40,501 and who could forget the Domino's Pizza circular? 45 00:02:41,701 --> 00:02:42,833 (WHOOPING) 46 00:02:42,867 --> 00:02:44,634 But before all that... 47 00:02:44,668 --> 00:02:48,100 Ned met a young Michigan Wolverine, Barbara Welsh. 48 00:02:48,133 --> 00:02:49,800 How did this older guy get me? 49 00:02:49,833 --> 00:02:53,733 Ned took her on their first date to see his favorite band... 50 00:02:53,767 --> 00:02:57,000 - Kiss! - Kiss! 51 00:02:57,033 --> 00:02:58,301 My favorite band, too! 52 00:02:58,334 --> 00:02:59,833 Rock and roll! 53 00:02:59,867 --> 00:03:01,234 A few years later, 54 00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:03,668 the stork brought my sister, Stephanie. 55 00:03:03,701 --> 00:03:05,033 ALL: Aw! 56 00:03:05,067 --> 00:03:07,634 WOMAN: She's so cute. 57 00:03:07,668 --> 00:03:09,634 SCOTTY: They weren't close at all. 58 00:03:09,668 --> 00:03:12,200 - Oh, dropping her off at school. - Yeah. 59 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:15,033 Then came me, Scotty F. 60 00:03:15,067 --> 00:03:16,434 Did we have another child? 61 00:03:16,468 --> 00:03:18,200 - I forgot about that second baby. - Oh, we had another child. 62 00:03:18,234 --> 00:03:19,534 Anyways, Big Cheese. 63 00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:22,534 I'm sorry, guys. 64 00:03:22,568 --> 00:03:24,800 I promised myself I wasn't gonna do this. 65 00:03:24,833 --> 00:03:26,167 ALL: Aw... 66 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,933 But I love you, Dad. Happy Birthday. 67 00:03:27,967 --> 00:03:29,033 Way to go, Scotty! 68 00:03:29,067 --> 00:03:30,568 I love you, too, buddy. 69 00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:32,634 Thank you. Wow! (ALL APPLAUDING) 70 00:03:32,668 --> 00:03:34,634 That was fantastic. 71 00:03:34,668 --> 00:03:36,234 We've got one last surprise for you. 72 00:03:36,268 --> 00:03:37,601 That's right. Ladies and gentlemen, 73 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:39,733 live from her dorm room at Stanford... 74 00:03:39,767 --> 00:03:41,733 it's my sister, Stephanie! 75 00:03:41,767 --> 00:03:44,000 (ALL CHEERING) 76 00:03:44,033 --> 00:03:45,568 - Hi, everyone! - Hey, honey! 77 00:03:46,501 --> 00:03:48,401 Hey, Steph! Hey, it's Kevin! 78 00:03:48,434 --> 00:03:50,200 - STEPHANIE: Hi, Kevin! - Kevin. 79 00:03:50,234 --> 00:03:52,167 - Can we see? - Sorry. 80 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,067 - Hi, Momma. - Hi! 81 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:55,234 Hi, Dad. 82 00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:56,700 The birthday boy. 83 00:03:56,733 --> 00:03:57,667 Hey, honey. 84 00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:59,601 You guys look like you're having so much fun. 85 00:03:59,634 --> 00:04:01,334 And I wish I could be there with you. 86 00:04:01,368 --> 00:04:03,133 She's so sweet. 87 00:04:03,167 --> 00:04:04,501 - Yeah. - Get out. 88 00:04:04,534 --> 00:04:06,933 Yeah, I just wanted to say, Dad, that I love you. 89 00:04:06,967 --> 00:04:08,301 I love you, too, honey. 90 00:04:08,334 --> 00:04:09,634 - I love you more. - No, you don't. 91 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:10,867 Love you to the moon and back. 92 00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:12,900 I'll let you win this round. Okay, Pops? 93 00:04:12,933 --> 00:04:14,133 (LAUGHS) 94 00:04:14,167 --> 00:04:16,234 Even though you're now like... 95 00:04:17,301 --> 00:04:18,634 ...ancient. 96 00:04:18,667 --> 00:04:20,067 You are still... 97 00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:21,200 What are you doing here? 98 00:04:21,234 --> 00:04:22,700 LAIRD: You asked me to come over. 99 00:04:22,733 --> 00:04:24,334 STEPHANIE: You're early. I said after 6:00. 100 00:04:24,368 --> 00:04:25,501 - LAIRD: All right. - Give me a sec, 101 00:04:25,534 --> 00:04:26,733 - I'm on the phone. - LAIRD: Got it. 102 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,000 STEPHANIE: Sorry. It's just my friend. Anyway. 103 00:04:28,033 --> 00:04:31,434 * Happy birthday to you 104 00:04:31,468 --> 00:04:33,534 (ALL EXCLAIMING) Oh, my goodness. 105 00:04:33,568 --> 00:04:34,967 Oh, Laird, what are you... 106 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,234 LAIRD: Go finish your call. 107 00:04:36,268 --> 00:04:38,100 I'm just getting ready to Netflix and chill, baby. 108 00:04:38,133 --> 00:04:39,667 - No, not now, Laird. - Oh, my goodness. 109 00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:40,633 LAIRD: Kimmy Schmidt! 110 00:04:40,667 --> 00:04:41,900 - STEPHANIE: Pull up your pants. - Marco Polo. 111 00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:44,601 Oh, my God! (ALL GROANING) 112 00:04:44,633 --> 00:04:46,334 How do you make it stop? (CAMERA CLICKS) 113 00:04:46,368 --> 00:04:47,633 Whoa, whoa, Mom, you just took a screen-shot. 114 00:04:47,667 --> 00:04:50,234 * Happy, happy birthday Happy, happy birthday 115 00:04:50,268 --> 00:04:51,301 Kevin, help her out. Kevin. 116 00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:53,434 * Happy birthday, happy birthday * 117 00:04:53,468 --> 00:04:55,434 (ALL EXCLAIMING) (BARB SCREAMING) 118 00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,568 (CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING) 119 00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:08,301 * Mi oh my, it's a wonderful life 120 00:05:08,334 --> 00:05:13,200 * It's a wonderful life with you by my side 121 00:05:13,234 --> 00:05:16,733 * Mi oh my, it's a wonderful life 122 00:05:16,767 --> 00:05:21,600 * It's a wonderful life with you by my side * 123 00:05:21,633 --> 00:05:23,568 Hey, there he is. Happy birthday, Big Cheese. 124 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:24,600 Thanks, Jim. 125 00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:27,334 Jerry. Hey, Ned. 126 00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:28,667 Fun dinner last night. Hey, Jerry. 127 00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:29,567 Thanks. Lou. 128 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:31,133 Hey, Cheese, can I have a minute? 129 00:05:31,167 --> 00:05:33,033 Sure. Good morning, Joyce. 130 00:05:33,067 --> 00:05:34,700 Great party. 131 00:05:34,733 --> 00:05:36,434 Hold all his calls. 132 00:05:38,534 --> 00:05:40,234 NED: You gotta be kidding me. 133 00:05:40,268 --> 00:05:42,167 Big Lots is bailing out on us? 134 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,067 We've had that account since '06. 135 00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:46,033 They're moving all their print work to China. 136 00:05:46,067 --> 00:05:47,468 Oh, God. 137 00:05:47,501 --> 00:05:50,133 Cheese, we're already getting pummeled by Evite, Stamp-Free 138 00:05:50,167 --> 00:05:51,567 and the rest of those dot-come. 139 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:54,334 And at this rate, we'll be Chapter 11 by March. 140 00:05:54,368 --> 00:05:55,667 What about Dick's Sporting Goods? 141 00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:58,700 Well, I mean, I'm still trading calls with my guy. 142 00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:01,000 But, Ned, can I be honest with you? 143 00:06:01,033 --> 00:06:03,033 I can't keep this from Patty much longer. 144 00:06:03,067 --> 00:06:06,100 Lou, haven't I kept us going? 145 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,434 Yeah. I mean, it's what you do. 146 00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:11,234 I just need a little more time. That's all. 147 00:06:11,268 --> 00:06:13,368 You are the maestro. 148 00:06:13,401 --> 00:06:15,867 Maybe you'll pull off a Christmas miracle. 149 00:06:15,900 --> 00:06:18,033 - Yeah. - Yeah. 150 00:06:18,067 --> 00:06:20,667 By the way, good job keeping that game face last night. 151 00:06:20,700 --> 00:06:21,533 Oh. Thanks. 152 00:06:21,567 --> 00:06:23,033 That was some shindig, man. 153 00:06:23,067 --> 00:06:24,100 Yeah, it was fun. 154 00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,833 Well, till the kid had his farter 155 00:06:25,867 --> 00:06:27,334 all over the screen in 3-D. 156 00:06:27,368 --> 00:06:29,033 I was like, "Whoa! 157 00:06:29,067 --> 00:06:30,167 "That's a lot, man." 158 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:31,301 NED: And get this... 159 00:06:31,334 --> 00:06:32,867 Stephanie now wants us to fly out... 160 00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:35,700 to meet the man behind the crack over the holidays. 161 00:06:35,733 --> 00:06:37,334 With everything that's going on here, 162 00:06:37,368 --> 00:06:38,733 that's the last thing I want to do. 163 00:06:38,767 --> 00:06:40,067 Well, hold on now. 164 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,033 This is the first serious boyfriend? 165 00:06:42,067 --> 00:06:44,434 Yeah. Apparently. 166 00:06:44,468 --> 00:06:47,268 I mean, it's so strange. 167 00:06:47,301 --> 00:06:50,600 I mean, Stephanie and I have always been so close. 168 00:06:50,633 --> 00:06:53,500 And yet she has never even mentioned this guy. 169 00:06:53,533 --> 00:06:54,867 That's the way it goes, Cheese. 170 00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:57,500 I thought I knew everything about Lou Junior, 171 00:06:57,533 --> 00:06:59,133 when he was down at Ohio State. 172 00:06:59,167 --> 00:07:00,334 Out of nowhere, 173 00:07:00,368 --> 00:07:02,368 he comes dragging home this Buckeye 174 00:07:02,401 --> 00:07:05,567 that he's been dating for over a year. 175 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:06,800 - No. - Yeah. 176 00:07:06,833 --> 00:07:10,234 Nice girl, but still. She's so controlling. 177 00:07:10,268 --> 00:07:12,000 I'm sorry. I don't mean it like that 178 00:07:12,033 --> 00:07:13,401 because I don't know her that well. 179 00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:14,967 But I don't like her. 180 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,301 - I don't. - Lou. 181 00:07:16,334 --> 00:07:18,033 It's just what happens, you know? 182 00:07:18,067 --> 00:07:20,301 Lou, what is the point of all this? 183 00:07:20,334 --> 00:07:21,700 Go out there and meet him. 184 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,767 I know we going through a lot right now 185 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:27,533 but hell, Lou Junior is talking about getting married in May. 186 00:07:27,567 --> 00:07:28,401 Married. 187 00:07:28,434 --> 00:07:30,567 Once they're not under your roof, 188 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,900 there's no telling what they're into. 189 00:07:32,933 --> 00:07:34,301 Oh, uh, that reminds me. 190 00:07:34,334 --> 00:07:35,900 He does want you to speak at the wedding 191 00:07:35,933 --> 00:07:38,268 and say some kind words. Oh. 192 00:07:38,301 --> 00:07:40,700 I told him that I would talk to you about it. 193 00:07:40,733 --> 00:07:43,500 And they'd like to get married at your house in the backyard. 194 00:07:43,533 --> 00:07:45,567 - Well... - But anyway... 195 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:49,967 I'm just saying you might want to get out there and meet this kid. 196 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,301 Because, I mean, you saw it. 197 00:07:51,334 --> 00:07:53,733 You saw it, he's a free spirit. 198 00:07:54,533 --> 00:07:55,433 You mean... 199 00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:57,200 You heard him come into the room. 200 00:07:57,234 --> 00:07:58,933 He came in there guns blazing. 201 00:07:58,967 --> 00:08:02,334 He had that revved up energy where he was like... 202 00:08:02,368 --> 00:08:03,567 bow-bow-bow-bow. 203 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,033 He just wants to go and go and go... 204 00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:08,200 and just morning, noon and night, 205 00:08:08,234 --> 00:08:09,667 and "Stephanie, here I am. 206 00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:12,433 "Stephanie, here I come. I'm coming again." 207 00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:14,234 I remember being that age, don't you? 208 00:08:14,268 --> 00:08:15,767 Just always ready. 209 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:18,700 (EXCLAIMING) 210 00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:19,867 (TIRES SCREECH) 211 00:08:23,700 --> 00:08:25,400 (WOMAN SINGING) * Come on, it's lovely weather 212 00:08:25,433 --> 00:08:27,767 * For a sleigh ride together with you * 213 00:08:28,700 --> 00:08:29,833 Thanks for coming. 214 00:08:31,567 --> 00:08:35,268 Oh, gosh, it is so gorgeous here. 215 00:08:35,301 --> 00:08:37,500 I'm very excited that you guys are all out here. 216 00:08:37,533 --> 00:08:38,833 BARB: We're very excited. 217 00:08:38,867 --> 00:08:40,567 There's a few things that I wanna tell you about Laird 218 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,633 that I didn't feel like getting into over the phone because... 219 00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:45,234 Watch, honey... 220 00:08:45,268 --> 00:08:46,500 You missed our exit. 221 00:08:46,533 --> 00:08:47,967 STEPHANIE: Actually, I missed it on purpose. 222 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,833 Laird and I thought, 223 00:08:49,867 --> 00:08:52,133 it'd be better if we all stayed at his house. 224 00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:53,268 NED: His house? 225 00:08:53,301 --> 00:08:55,200 When did this come up? Did you know about this? 226 00:08:55,234 --> 00:08:58,533 Are you sure his parents have enough room? 227 00:08:58,567 --> 00:08:59,933 I mean, he doesn't live with his parents. 228 00:08:59,967 --> 00:09:02,500 Honey, we're not gonna be comfortable at some crash pad. 229 00:09:02,533 --> 00:09:05,133 He lives by himself. It's not a crash pad, 230 00:09:05,167 --> 00:09:06,900 but it's much nicer than the Sheraton. 231 00:09:06,933 --> 00:09:08,400 NED: Nicer than the club floor? 232 00:09:08,433 --> 00:09:09,667 I smooth-talked the manager. 233 00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:11,867 We got a suite at the regular rate. 234 00:09:11,900 --> 00:09:14,167 What? That's what I'm talking about, Big Cheese. 235 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,000 - That is impressive. - We have to turn back. 236 00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:17,600 - Free continental breakfast. - Yes. 237 00:09:17,633 --> 00:09:19,133 Mint on the pillow, turndown service, 238 00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:20,367 all things available at the Sheraton. 239 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:21,967 I mean, is your lover going to have that? 240 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,301 Your lover? Your lover? 241 00:09:24,333 --> 00:09:26,367 We already all know that you've seen his penis. 242 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:27,733 - STEPHANIE: What? - Scott! 243 00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:28,767 SCOTTY: What? 244 00:09:30,433 --> 00:09:32,333 (R&B MUSIC PLAYING) 245 00:09:32,367 --> 00:09:36,067 * Sleigh bells ring Are you listening 246 00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:37,400 BARB: Well, this is cute. 247 00:09:37,433 --> 00:09:39,433 STEPHANIE: Actually, this is the gatehouse. 248 00:09:39,900 --> 00:09:41,133 NED: Gatehouse? 249 00:09:41,167 --> 00:09:44,301 * A beautiful sight We're happy tonight 250 00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:45,433 SCOTTY: What the heck? 251 00:09:45,467 --> 00:09:47,767 Is that a facial recognition scanner? 252 00:09:48,933 --> 00:09:50,000 Mmm-hmm. 253 00:09:50,033 --> 00:09:51,400 That's so cool. 254 00:09:51,433 --> 00:09:56,900 * Gone away is the bluebird Here to stay is the new bird 255 00:09:56,933 --> 00:09:58,567 The hedge is moving. 256 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:02,433 * He sings a love song As we go along 257 00:10:02,467 --> 00:10:05,133 * Walking in a winter wonderland * 258 00:10:05,167 --> 00:10:08,333 Honey, who exactly are you dating? 259 00:10:08,367 --> 00:10:10,268 Laird started this company called Guerrilla Gang. 260 00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:11,933 You play Ape Assassins, right? 261 00:10:11,967 --> 00:10:13,133 Are you kidding me? 262 00:10:13,167 --> 00:10:14,700 Yeah, that was my jam in the eighth grade. 263 00:10:14,733 --> 00:10:15,833 Great, that's him. 264 00:10:15,867 --> 00:10:17,800 So, he makes video games? 265 00:10:17,833 --> 00:10:19,567 - SCOTTY: Apps, Dad. - STEPHANIE: This is it! 266 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,433 - BARB: This is his house? - Mmm-hmm. 267 00:10:21,467 --> 00:10:23,667 Are you sure this isn't an Apple Store or something? 268 00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:25,133 (IN A GERMAN ACCENT) Oh, my God. 269 00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:26,800 What is up, you gang? 270 00:10:26,833 --> 00:10:28,100 STEPHANIE: I know! 271 00:10:28,133 --> 00:10:30,200 The Flemings are here. You have arrived! 272 00:10:30,234 --> 00:10:32,600 Hi, buddy. Hi. 273 00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:34,433 Hello, sweetheart. 274 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,967 - Don't touch anything. - How was traffic? 275 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,033 - It was okay. - Hi, they're here! 276 00:10:38,067 --> 00:10:39,100 NED: Hello. 277 00:10:39,133 --> 00:10:40,600 Hello to you, Ned Fleming. 278 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,200 - Barbara. - Yes. 279 00:10:43,234 --> 00:10:45,467 You are perfect. 280 00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:47,600 Well, thank you. Oh, my God. 281 00:10:47,633 --> 00:10:49,367 And this must be the main man. Scotty, huh? 282 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,867 - Yup. - All right. Hey. (LAUGHS) 283 00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:53,600 - Who are you? - STEPHANIE: Gustav. 284 00:10:53,633 --> 00:10:55,667 I am Gustav. Yes. 285 00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:57,433 I never know how to describe you. 286 00:10:57,467 --> 00:11:00,833 Um, well, estate manager is cool, Stephy, yes. 287 00:11:00,867 --> 00:11:01,800 That works. 288 00:11:01,833 --> 00:11:04,267 I used to run the Four Seasons group in Asia 289 00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:05,733 but after some point, you know, 290 00:11:05,767 --> 00:11:07,500 the corporate life becomes a bit of a snooze-fest. 291 00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:09,500 You know, "Tiffany's this, Cartier that." 292 00:11:09,533 --> 00:11:12,133 But, you know. Just dot, dot, dot. Enough already. 293 00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:13,933 You know what I'm talking about, Ned. 294 00:11:13,967 --> 00:11:15,200 Oh, yeah. Sure. (GUSTAV LAUGHS) 295 00:11:15,233 --> 00:11:16,333 Boring. 296 00:11:16,367 --> 00:11:18,100 - Where's Laird? - Laird is upstairs. 297 00:11:18,133 --> 00:11:20,000 He is just finishing a teleconference. 298 00:11:20,033 --> 00:11:21,067 He'll be right out. 299 00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:22,700 Oh, okay. Why don't we go up then? 300 00:11:22,733 --> 00:11:23,767 Laird, I'm Ned. 301 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:24,633 No, no, no. 302 00:11:24,667 --> 00:11:25,900 - No, this is Randy. - That's not Laird. 303 00:11:25,933 --> 00:11:26,967 He's our intern. 304 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,367 Just graduated summa cum laude at MIT. 305 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,533 So Randy, shake a leg. Get their luggages. 306 00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:33,600 Yes, sir. 307 00:11:33,633 --> 00:11:37,533 The motherfucking Flemings are in the house! 308 00:11:37,567 --> 00:11:38,567 Yes! 309 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,367 This is fucking awesome! 310 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,967 Get up here. I'm so psyched to meet you. 311 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,633 Family, baby. Fuck yeah! 312 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,533 Oh, my God. 313 00:11:49,567 --> 00:11:50,933 Scotty. 314 00:11:50,967 --> 00:11:54,133 Yes, my brotha! Welcome. 315 00:11:54,167 --> 00:11:55,567 - Hey, Barb. - Hi. 316 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,333 Oh. 317 00:11:59,199 --> 00:12:00,300 Welcome. 318 00:12:00,333 --> 00:12:02,500 Hey, Ned. All right. 319 00:12:02,533 --> 00:12:03,900 Oh, yes. 320 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,333 - Yes. - Yes. 321 00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:07,900 - Yes. - So glad you're here. 322 00:12:07,933 --> 00:12:09,199 - Yes. - Hey. Hi. 323 00:12:09,233 --> 00:12:10,467 - Hey, baby. - Hi. 324 00:12:12,067 --> 00:12:13,233 I fucking missed you. 325 00:12:13,267 --> 00:12:15,600 Why aren't you wearing a shirt on your body? 326 00:12:15,633 --> 00:12:16,667 Oh. 327 00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:18,667 Don't worry about that. I have a little surprise. 328 00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:21,533 Let's stay half an hour and then we go back to the hotel. 329 00:12:21,567 --> 00:12:23,267 That's a good plan. Thank you. 330 00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:24,933 Dad, come on. This place is so sick. 331 00:12:24,967 --> 00:12:26,900 - Yeah, it's sick. - 25 minutes. 332 00:12:26,933 --> 00:12:27,933 That's it. 333 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:34,633 Hey! Just leave her alone. 334 00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:36,067 Hey, oh, Ned. Ned. 335 00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:38,533 Ned, would you look at that. 336 00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:40,166 That's your face, Sis. Oh. 337 00:12:40,199 --> 00:12:41,600 Very good likeness. 338 00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:42,900 Oh, thanks. Yeah. 339 00:12:42,933 --> 00:12:45,433 The Stephy tattoo. I got it, like, a week after we met, right? 340 00:12:45,467 --> 00:12:47,233 - One week. - You know, right on my heart. 341 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,533 Great. Okay, do you guys want to go see the house? 342 00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:50,767 Uh... We probably should... 343 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,033 - We came to stop and say hey. - Yeah. We should go. 344 00:12:53,067 --> 00:12:54,166 Actually, no. 345 00:12:54,199 --> 00:12:56,767 No. Before we go, um... 346 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,600 I have a little surprise for everybody. 347 00:12:58,633 --> 00:13:01,033 (EXHALES) Shit. I'm fucking nervous. 348 00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:02,233 Do you want to consult me about it? 349 00:13:02,267 --> 00:13:03,500 You want to talk to me before you... 350 00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:05,500 You know what? No, I'm just jumpin' in. All right? 351 00:13:05,533 --> 00:13:06,567 I'm just going to do this. 352 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:08,733 Laird, it's going to be fucking great. 353 00:13:08,767 --> 00:13:10,433 Ta-da! 354 00:13:10,967 --> 00:13:12,600 Oh, my God. 355 00:13:12,633 --> 00:13:14,433 I just got it done this morning 356 00:13:14,467 --> 00:13:16,233 SCOTTY: Yeah. I bet it's red, huh? 357 00:13:16,267 --> 00:13:17,433 I need a little feedback. 358 00:13:17,467 --> 00:13:19,600 - Is that our Christmas card? - Yes. 359 00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:22,467 Yeah! That's exactly what I used. How'd you know? 360 00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:23,833 Look, he even got Noodle in there. 361 00:13:23,867 --> 00:13:24,900 Hurt like balls. 362 00:13:24,933 --> 00:13:28,767 Gosh, it says "Happy Holidays" and everything. 363 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:29,967 What? 364 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,000 - Get the fuck out of here. - Okay. 365 00:13:32,033 --> 00:13:33,333 It says "Happy Holidays?" 366 00:13:33,367 --> 00:13:34,667 Barb, fuck you. 367 00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:35,967 God damn. 368 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,600 I gave the guy the Christmas card. 369 00:13:37,633 --> 00:13:39,233 I didn't know he put "Happy Holidays" on there. 370 00:13:39,267 --> 00:13:40,667 - Wow. - Fuck. 371 00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:42,833 Guess it's stuck on there, huh? (LAUGHS) 372 00:13:42,867 --> 00:13:44,166 Oops. Fuck. 373 00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:46,033 Well, you know, you guys were coming over... 374 00:13:46,067 --> 00:13:49,166 I was so excited, I just had to do something, you know? 375 00:13:49,199 --> 00:13:51,767 Well, that is something, all right. 376 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,833 You know what? Sometimes, you just got to say, "Fuck it." 377 00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:55,900 Fuck it! 378 00:13:55,933 --> 00:13:57,099 - You should... - Laird, 379 00:13:57,132 --> 00:13:59,166 this is a 15-year-old child. 380 00:13:59,199 --> 00:14:00,833 So, we don't really... 381 00:14:00,867 --> 00:14:02,400 Oh, shit. 382 00:14:02,433 --> 00:14:04,900 - You don't say fuck? - SCOTTY: No, Mom, I... 383 00:14:04,933 --> 00:14:06,033 Heck yeah, I cuss. 384 00:14:06,066 --> 00:14:07,199 No, you don't. 385 00:14:07,233 --> 00:14:08,267 - You do? - Yeah. 386 00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:09,733 - Oh, he cusses. - No, you don't. 387 00:14:09,767 --> 00:14:11,166 Yeah, bro, what's your favorite cuss word? 388 00:14:11,199 --> 00:14:12,233 Oh, boy. 389 00:14:12,267 --> 00:14:13,367 Don't egg him on like that. 390 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,633 What's your favorite? 391 00:14:15,233 --> 00:14:17,367 - Uh... - NED: Hmm. 392 00:14:18,533 --> 00:14:19,700 Titties. 393 00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:21,066 Titties? Titties. 394 00:14:21,099 --> 00:14:22,300 Stop it. Stop that. (BARB SIGHS) 395 00:14:22,333 --> 00:14:23,967 Titties? Classic. 396 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,099 Okay. We should be going. 397 00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:27,633 - Nice one. What else you got? - Asshole. 398 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,267 - LAIRD: Asshole. - All right. That's enough. 399 00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:30,400 Okay. Another good body part. 400 00:14:30,433 --> 00:14:32,066 - What else? - Dicking. Double dicking. 401 00:14:32,099 --> 00:14:33,567 - Double dicking. - Okay. 402 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,066 Wait. Hold on. Double dicking? 403 00:14:35,099 --> 00:14:36,800 - Are you happy? - That's a new one on me, bro. 404 00:14:36,833 --> 00:14:37,833 What the fuck is that? 405 00:14:37,867 --> 00:14:40,233 What the hell is that? Is that like dick to dick? 406 00:14:40,267 --> 00:14:43,567 Okay! Good night! We're going to the hotel. 407 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:47,000 This kid is nasty and I fucking like it. 408 00:14:47,032 --> 00:14:48,367 - Yeah. - Yes! 409 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,066 All right, let's do the tour. 410 00:14:50,099 --> 00:14:51,233 I'll show you around! All right? 411 00:14:51,267 --> 00:14:52,567 Just throw your shit anywhere. 412 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,032 You little double-dicker, come on. 413 00:14:54,066 --> 00:14:55,132 Throw your stuff anywhere. 414 00:14:55,166 --> 00:14:56,367 By the way, I'm a huge fan. 415 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:57,900 I'm part of the online Ape Army. 416 00:14:57,933 --> 00:14:59,267 Awesome. 417 00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:01,700 You know, this is what I was trying to tell you guys in the car. 418 00:15:01,733 --> 00:15:03,600 This is okay here? 419 00:15:03,633 --> 00:15:05,467 Do you want to take your coat off? 420 00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:07,267 Uh, no. Nope. I'm fine. 421 00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:09,467 (BARB SIGHS) Come on, guys. 422 00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:10,633 All right, so this here's the kitch. 423 00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:12,600 This is where we keep the food. 424 00:15:12,633 --> 00:15:13,600 The dining room. 425 00:15:13,633 --> 00:15:16,600 That's a sculpture of a couple people fucking. 426 00:15:16,633 --> 00:15:18,667 (STEPHANIE SQUIRMS) Painting of a fat squirrel. 427 00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:20,767 And this one's called "Triple Team," 428 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,267 self-explanatory. 429 00:15:22,967 --> 00:15:24,500 All right. This is the den. 430 00:15:24,533 --> 00:15:28,132 These dudes are just testing out video games. 431 00:15:28,166 --> 00:15:32,367 Ned, Stephy says that you're pretty serious about your bowling, 432 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,533 so I had a couple lanes installed. 433 00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:36,233 STEPHANIE: Oh, my God. 434 00:15:36,267 --> 00:15:37,533 BARB: None of this was here? 435 00:15:37,567 --> 00:15:38,600 No. 436 00:15:38,633 --> 00:15:41,767 You said you were fixing a crack in the foundation. 437 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,533 Is that us? 438 00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:46,032 Yeah, I got the images off your league's Facebook page. 439 00:15:46,066 --> 00:15:47,400 SCOTTY: That's so insane. 440 00:15:47,433 --> 00:15:49,900 Dad, look, he even got in your signature "crotch chop." 441 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,032 Oh, yeah. 442 00:15:52,066 --> 00:15:53,500 STEPHANIE: Wow. 443 00:15:53,533 --> 00:15:55,300 LAIRD: All right, this here is where we develop a few apps 444 00:15:55,333 --> 00:15:57,333 for the Apple and Android platforms. 445 00:15:57,367 --> 00:15:59,267 Hey, gang, say hi to the Flemings. 446 00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:00,600 - Hey, guys. - Hey, what's up? 447 00:16:00,633 --> 00:16:03,433 Wait, I don't understand. Do your employees live here? 448 00:16:03,467 --> 00:16:07,233 Uh, maybe some of them do. I don't really know. 449 00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,567 Gustav is actually an amazing architect. 450 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,333 We designed this place together. 451 00:16:11,367 --> 00:16:13,433 BARB: When did you go to Machu Picchu? 452 00:16:13,467 --> 00:16:15,500 Hun, when did you put these up? 453 00:16:15,533 --> 00:16:17,400 What the heck is that moose? 454 00:16:17,433 --> 00:16:18,867 That's a Phillip Manfredi. 455 00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:20,333 LAIRD: Great pick-up, Barb. 456 00:16:20,367 --> 00:16:23,333 Stephy told me that you're this amazing art and photography professor. 457 00:16:23,367 --> 00:16:24,932 - That's awesome. - STEPHIE: Mmm-hmm. 458 00:16:24,966 --> 00:16:28,667 I teach a couple of classes at a local community college. 459 00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:30,099 Don't be so modest, Mom. 460 00:16:30,132 --> 00:16:32,199 You're an amazing photographer. 461 00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:35,132 Oh, that looks like a real dead moose. 462 00:16:35,166 --> 00:16:37,733 Well, that's exactly what it is, Ned. 463 00:16:37,767 --> 00:16:40,633 A dead moose suspended in its own urine. 464 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,400 It's meant to symbolize the way 465 00:16:42,433 --> 00:16:44,867 that our culture has imprisoned our minds. 466 00:16:46,066 --> 00:16:47,400 Oh. 467 00:16:47,433 --> 00:16:48,500 I got to tell you, Ned, 468 00:16:48,533 --> 00:16:51,066 great art really gets me aroused. 469 00:16:51,099 --> 00:16:53,800 It's actually a very strong aphrodisiac. 470 00:16:53,833 --> 00:16:55,233 Laird. 471 00:16:55,267 --> 00:16:57,600 Not that you need any help getting turned on by that gorgeous woman. 472 00:16:57,633 --> 00:16:58,600 Honey. 473 00:16:58,633 --> 00:17:00,400 What? Your mom is beautiful. 474 00:17:00,433 --> 00:17:02,467 She is. She deserves some props for that. 475 00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:05,600 Well, I'll take a compliment wherever I can get one. 476 00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:08,066 Well, here's another one. You got a bangin' bod, too. 477 00:17:08,099 --> 00:17:09,166 BARB: All right. 478 00:17:09,199 --> 00:17:10,533 Hey, what's going on, everyone? 479 00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:12,333 LAIRD: Richard Blais, everybody. 480 00:17:12,367 --> 00:17:16,199 This is the maestro of molecular gastronomy. 481 00:17:16,233 --> 00:17:17,533 Oh, my God. 482 00:17:17,567 --> 00:17:20,066 That's that cute one from Top Chef. 483 00:17:20,099 --> 00:17:21,700 Oh, he's the one who goes, "Bam!" 484 00:17:21,733 --> 00:17:25,267 No, that's Emeril. He's a fucking dick, that guy. 485 00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:26,932 Dickie Blais what's up? 486 00:17:26,966 --> 00:17:30,400 Yeah, so Laird thought it would be a fun idea to do a pop-up restaurant 487 00:17:30,433 --> 00:17:31,733 just in your honor tonight. 488 00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:33,267 - Did he? - Yeah. 489 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,999 And I have here a little amuse-bouche. 490 00:17:35,032 --> 00:17:37,166 So if anyone's looking for a little pre-dinner snack, 491 00:17:37,199 --> 00:17:38,367 you can head on up here. 492 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,166 Count me in, 'cause I'm famished. 493 00:17:40,199 --> 00:17:41,233 All right. 494 00:17:41,267 --> 00:17:42,567 There are so many surprises. 495 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:43,633 (CHUCKLES) 496 00:17:43,667 --> 00:17:44,633 I know. 497 00:17:44,667 --> 00:17:45,932 You're hungry, you've come to the right place. 498 00:17:45,966 --> 00:17:47,667 I've got surf and turf for you. 499 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:48,866 Steak and lobster. 500 00:17:48,899 --> 00:17:50,733 Yum, yum. 501 00:17:50,767 --> 00:17:55,132 My version of surf and turf, edible soil and plankton foam. 502 00:17:55,166 --> 00:17:56,800 Dig in. Oh. 503 00:17:56,832 --> 00:17:59,400 Wow, can't wait for dinner. 504 00:17:59,433 --> 00:18:00,667 No. 505 00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:03,567 Hey, so I think it's going great, right? 506 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,600 I think they've already accepted me. 507 00:18:05,633 --> 00:18:08,267 I'm getting a little bit of a different vibe. 508 00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:09,966 Oh, really? Like what? 509 00:18:09,999 --> 00:18:11,333 Don't try so hard. 510 00:18:11,367 --> 00:18:12,700 I'm not, what do you mean? 511 00:18:12,733 --> 00:18:14,767 You put in a bowling alley for my dad 512 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,899 and you got a tattoo of my entire family on your back. 513 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:19,300 Oh. 514 00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:20,567 Was the tattoo too much? 515 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,700 - Yes. - Fuck. 516 00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:24,367 Shit, I knew it. 517 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,066 Yeah, Gustav said the same thing. 518 00:18:26,099 --> 00:18:27,433 Okay, don't worry... 519 00:18:27,467 --> 00:18:30,333 I won't get any more tattoos of them while they're here. 520 00:18:30,367 --> 00:18:31,733 - Thank you. - Okay. 521 00:18:31,767 --> 00:18:32,799 I love you. 522 00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:35,333 I love you, too. 523 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,267 Okay. 524 00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:42,233 Oh, one more thing, stop calling them motherfuckers 525 00:18:42,267 --> 00:18:44,099 and talking about how hot my mom is. 526 00:18:44,132 --> 00:18:46,799 Well, she's sneaky sexy, took me by surprise. 527 00:18:46,832 --> 00:18:50,866 Dude, she is a MILF, like a genuine MILF. 528 00:18:50,899 --> 00:18:54,300 And if it wasn't your MILF, she'd be a MIWF... 529 00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:56,032 a mother I would fuck. 530 00:18:56,066 --> 00:18:57,132 Mmm-mmm. 531 00:18:57,166 --> 00:18:58,899 - But I won't. - Okay. 532 00:18:59,899 --> 00:19:01,832 - Of course. - Thank you. 533 00:19:01,866 --> 00:19:03,367 (BOTH LAUGH) 534 00:19:04,733 --> 00:19:05,899 (NED SIGHS) 535 00:19:06,932 --> 00:19:08,700 - All right, it's pretty. - Yeah. 536 00:19:08,733 --> 00:19:09,733 You know... 537 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:13,500 It's a lot. (STAMMERS) 538 00:19:13,533 --> 00:19:16,367 - Yes! I mean, the moose... - Yes. 539 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,166 And the language. Come on! 540 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,766 Mmm-hmm. A real moose! 541 00:19:19,799 --> 00:19:22,099 - And he's coming onto your mother. - That's not okay. 542 00:19:22,132 --> 00:19:23,899 And the tattoo? 543 00:19:23,932 --> 00:19:25,932 The tattoo! And how... 544 00:19:25,966 --> 00:19:27,766 - 32. - Oh, my. And you're... 545 00:19:27,799 --> 00:19:28,832 - 22. - Yes! 546 00:19:28,866 --> 00:19:31,132 You didn't like the mural of you and Scotty 547 00:19:31,166 --> 00:19:32,333 down in the new bowling alley? 548 00:19:32,367 --> 00:19:34,533 The bowling alley with the mural is... 549 00:19:34,567 --> 00:19:36,300 And the bowling alley is regulation. 550 00:19:36,333 --> 00:19:37,832 That's quite nice 551 00:19:37,866 --> 00:19:41,099 and that's very rare to have something that nice. 552 00:19:41,132 --> 00:19:42,400 And the polish that he used was quite... 553 00:19:42,433 --> 00:19:43,732 It was good. But... 554 00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:44,799 I'm sorry. 555 00:19:48,233 --> 00:19:49,433 I should have told you. 556 00:19:50,799 --> 00:19:53,032 About everything, of course. (SCOFFS) 557 00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:56,400 Honestly, I didn't know how to explain him over the phone. 558 00:19:56,433 --> 00:19:58,300 I just kept imagining... 559 00:19:58,333 --> 00:20:00,066 Mom Googling Laird Mayhew 560 00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:02,367 and you guys jumping to conclusions 561 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,467 before you even got a chance to know him. 562 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,500 Well, now we know him. (SIGHS) 563 00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:09,433 No, you don't. 564 00:20:09,467 --> 00:20:11,367 You've been here for 15 minutes. 565 00:20:12,467 --> 00:20:13,467 Yeah. 566 00:20:13,832 --> 00:20:15,467 Thank you. 567 00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:18,533 I wouldn't have asked you to come out here 568 00:20:18,567 --> 00:20:19,799 and miss Christmas in Michigan 569 00:20:19,832 --> 00:20:23,367 for the first time ever, if he wasn't... 570 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:24,832 ...really important to me. 571 00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:32,567 Hmm. 572 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,267 Okay. 573 00:20:36,666 --> 00:20:39,032 (MUTTERS) You'll give him a chance? 574 00:20:39,066 --> 00:20:41,866 - Okay. - Okay, thank you. Thank you. 575 00:20:41,899 --> 00:20:43,699 Come here. (CHUCKLES) 576 00:20:48,166 --> 00:20:49,267 I love you. 577 00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:50,832 I love you, too. 578 00:20:54,267 --> 00:20:57,132 So if I did Google him, what would I find? 579 00:20:57,166 --> 00:20:58,433 Don't do it. 580 00:20:58,467 --> 00:20:59,267 Oh. 581 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:00,666 Just don't Google him. 582 00:21:00,699 --> 00:21:01,699 Oh. 583 00:21:03,199 --> 00:21:05,666 Well, I still don't see it. 584 00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:09,132 Darling, this is the male, and he's thrusting. 585 00:21:09,166 --> 00:21:10,233 Oh, God. 586 00:21:10,267 --> 00:21:13,132 All right, everybody, dinner is served! 587 00:21:13,166 --> 00:21:15,300 Scotty! Come on, grab a stump. 588 00:21:15,333 --> 00:21:17,533 Dad, you wanna go there? Mom. 589 00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:19,267 You sure you don't want to take off your coat? 590 00:21:19,300 --> 00:21:20,500 No. I'm good. 591 00:21:20,533 --> 00:21:22,866 We do it family style here, so everyone just dig in. 592 00:21:22,899 --> 00:21:24,267 It's super cas. 593 00:21:24,300 --> 00:21:26,732 Okay, so we have three dishes for this evening. 594 00:21:26,766 --> 00:21:28,666 We have sous-vide geoduck. 595 00:21:28,699 --> 00:21:30,766 We have Mission-style sea urchin burritos... 596 00:21:30,799 --> 00:21:31,899 STEPHANIE: Yum. 597 00:21:31,932 --> 00:21:33,400 ...with edible paper. 598 00:21:33,433 --> 00:21:35,166 LAIRD: Because you're a printer. 599 00:21:35,199 --> 00:21:36,666 - And last but not least... - Sweet. 600 00:21:36,699 --> 00:21:39,732 ...we have smoked California bear. 601 00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:40,766 Enjoy. 602 00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:42,132 Oh, shit! 603 00:21:42,166 --> 00:21:43,400 Thanks, Blais. 604 00:21:43,433 --> 00:21:44,999 - Bear? - LAIRD: Mmm. 605 00:21:45,032 --> 00:21:46,267 Yo, Scotty, you see The Revenant? 606 00:21:46,300 --> 00:21:47,599 No, I wanted to, 607 00:21:47,632 --> 00:21:49,699 but my parents don't really let me watch R-rated movies. 608 00:21:49,732 --> 00:21:51,467 - You're darn right we don't. - He's only 15. 609 00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:54,032 - You want some paper? - Yes, certainly. Thank you. 610 00:21:54,066 --> 00:21:55,533 I don't know what section that is. 611 00:21:55,567 --> 00:21:57,699 Because that bear fucked that dude up! 612 00:21:57,732 --> 00:21:59,333 Now we're gonna fuck this bear up. 613 00:21:59,367 --> 00:22:00,999 Hey, what about that language? 614 00:22:01,032 --> 00:22:02,433 Oh, shit. Sorry. 615 00:22:02,467 --> 00:22:04,766 BARB: Ah, I think I've got the arts section here. 616 00:22:06,199 --> 00:22:07,866 You better slow down, Barb. 617 00:22:07,899 --> 00:22:10,132 You're gonna be full before you get to the funnies. 618 00:22:10,166 --> 00:22:11,500 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 619 00:22:12,032 --> 00:22:13,300 Ned. 620 00:22:16,699 --> 00:22:18,199 (CLEARS THROAT) 621 00:22:18,233 --> 00:22:21,999 So, um, how did you two meet? 622 00:22:22,032 --> 00:22:24,599 - Uh, you want me to go? - Yeah. 623 00:22:24,632 --> 00:22:25,433 Okay. 624 00:22:25,467 --> 00:22:27,866 Laird sponsored a talk on campus 625 00:22:27,899 --> 00:22:29,267 with Doctor Joanne Liu, 626 00:22:29,300 --> 00:22:30,866 the head of Doctors Without Borders. 627 00:22:30,899 --> 00:22:31,732 Oh! 628 00:22:31,766 --> 00:22:33,999 Melinda Gates got me totally pumped 629 00:22:34,032 --> 00:22:35,599 about issues in the developing world. 630 00:22:35,632 --> 00:22:36,632 Now I'm obsessed. 631 00:22:36,932 --> 00:22:38,533 Wow. 632 00:22:38,566 --> 00:22:40,400 - That's Bill Gates' wife. - LAIRD: Yeah. 633 00:22:40,433 --> 00:22:41,999 - She's great. - NED: Yeah. 634 00:22:42,032 --> 00:22:43,400 That's terrific. 635 00:22:43,433 --> 00:22:46,199 That's Steph's field of interest, too, so that's great. 636 00:22:46,233 --> 00:22:47,333 Yeah, I know. 637 00:22:47,367 --> 00:22:48,866 Ned, you should've seen her at the talk. 638 00:22:48,899 --> 00:22:52,500 She asked the most intelligent question. I was blown away. 639 00:22:53,199 --> 00:22:54,766 Really? What did I say? 640 00:22:54,799 --> 00:22:55,999 You were like... 641 00:22:56,032 --> 00:22:57,166 "Hey, what's the connection between 642 00:22:57,199 --> 00:22:59,532 "women's health and population density 643 00:22:59,566 --> 00:23:01,267 "in indigenous communities?" 644 00:23:01,300 --> 00:23:03,599 I was like, "Bam! Who's that?" 645 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:05,400 That's so sweet of you to remember that. 646 00:23:05,433 --> 00:23:07,400 Of course I remember. Mmm... 647 00:23:07,433 --> 00:23:09,400 - The first time I saw you. - BARB: That's our girl. 648 00:23:09,433 --> 00:23:11,267 She's always been the smartest person in the room. 649 00:23:11,300 --> 00:23:12,400 - So true. - Yeah. 650 00:23:12,433 --> 00:23:14,566 - And the sexiest. My God. - Well. 651 00:23:14,599 --> 00:23:16,932 I couldn't keep my eyes off her. 652 00:23:16,966 --> 00:23:18,267 Her hair, and her eyes. 653 00:23:18,300 --> 00:23:19,400 Very pretty eyes. 654 00:23:19,433 --> 00:23:21,132 The way her spine gently arches 655 00:23:21,166 --> 00:23:22,732 to meet the top of her tailbone. 656 00:23:22,766 --> 00:23:25,267 I just wanna pitch a tent and live in there. You know what I mean? 657 00:23:25,300 --> 00:23:27,032 - No. - You're taking it too far. 658 00:23:27,066 --> 00:23:28,666 Quite the outdoorsman. 659 00:23:28,699 --> 00:23:30,467 I just mean she's got a great body. 660 00:23:30,499 --> 00:23:32,199 - Oh, well, yes. - Mmm-hmm. Yeah. 661 00:23:32,233 --> 00:23:33,566 She's a darling girl. 662 00:23:33,599 --> 00:23:34,866 - Like you, Barb. - STEPHANIE: Great genes. 663 00:23:34,899 --> 00:23:35,932 Okay. 664 00:23:35,966 --> 00:23:37,199 Two fit women. 665 00:23:37,233 --> 00:23:38,999 I'll have to agree with you there. 666 00:23:39,032 --> 00:23:40,932 Ol' Slamming Bod Barb. 667 00:23:40,966 --> 00:23:42,132 (LAUGHING) 668 00:23:42,166 --> 00:23:44,899 Two fit women and two lucky dudes... 669 00:23:44,932 --> 00:23:46,166 And one double-dicker. 670 00:23:46,199 --> 00:23:47,766 (LAUGHS) 671 00:23:48,632 --> 00:23:50,532 Okay, well. 672 00:23:51,632 --> 00:23:55,032 Laird, when did you graduate from Stanford? 673 00:23:55,066 --> 00:23:56,666 Oh, I didn't go to Stanford, bro. 674 00:23:56,699 --> 00:23:58,300 I hardly even graduated from high school. 675 00:23:59,166 --> 00:24:00,400 He's being modest. 676 00:24:00,433 --> 00:24:01,532 He actually started writing code 677 00:24:01,566 --> 00:24:04,199 for Sun Micro-systems when he was 13. 678 00:24:04,233 --> 00:24:05,799 - That's true. - Wow, that's just like me. 679 00:24:05,832 --> 00:24:07,532 I've been interning at the Fleming Company 680 00:24:07,566 --> 00:24:09,166 since, what, the seventh grade? 681 00:24:09,199 --> 00:24:10,400 Mm-hmm. Yup. 682 00:24:10,433 --> 00:24:12,932 Future CEO, but you are going to college. 683 00:24:12,966 --> 00:24:15,132 - I know, Dad. I know. I know. - Just like your sister. 684 00:24:15,166 --> 00:24:17,267 So, Steph, weren't your surprised 685 00:24:17,300 --> 00:24:20,367 that this big tech mogul wanted to date you? 686 00:24:21,832 --> 00:24:24,666 He said he was some low-level programmer at Uber. 687 00:24:24,699 --> 00:24:27,267 I had no idea that he sponsored the entire event. 688 00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:28,632 So he lied to you. 689 00:24:28,666 --> 00:24:29,799 Oh, Ned, I had to. 690 00:24:29,832 --> 00:24:32,432 I mean there are so many gold diggers in Silicon Valley. 691 00:24:32,466 --> 00:24:35,032 They just wanna fuck you for your tech money. 692 00:24:35,066 --> 00:24:36,666 - Language, baby. - You gotta be careful. 693 00:24:36,699 --> 00:24:39,032 I didn't spill the beans till April. 694 00:24:39,066 --> 00:24:42,132 April? That's eight months ago. What? 695 00:24:42,166 --> 00:24:43,466 Steph, over the phone, you said 696 00:24:43,499 --> 00:24:45,267 you've only known each other for a couple of months. 697 00:24:45,300 --> 00:24:47,599 - It was super casual at first. - No. 698 00:24:47,632 --> 00:24:48,599 No, it was not. 699 00:24:48,632 --> 00:24:50,799 We exchanged I love you's on the third date. 700 00:24:50,832 --> 00:24:52,400 Remember? Right after we... The third date? 701 00:24:52,432 --> 00:24:53,732 Made love in the hot tub at Esalen in Big Sur? 702 00:24:53,766 --> 00:24:54,599 No, no, no. 703 00:24:54,632 --> 00:24:56,899 - Where, what? - Esalen in Big Sur. 704 00:24:56,932 --> 00:24:57,999 Really? 705 00:24:58,032 --> 00:24:59,932 Ned. Don't get the wrong idea. 706 00:24:59,966 --> 00:25:03,166 It was not sexual at all. It was so much more than that. 707 00:25:03,199 --> 00:25:04,399 Okay, I'm sorry. I'm confused. 708 00:25:04,432 --> 00:25:05,999 Did you have intercourse or not? 709 00:25:06,032 --> 00:25:07,333 Scotty, shut it. 710 00:25:07,367 --> 00:25:08,866 Dad, I'm just trying to connect the dots here. 711 00:25:08,899 --> 00:25:10,333 Look. Yeah, we did. 712 00:25:10,367 --> 00:25:14,132 But what I'm saying is I was transformed. 713 00:25:14,166 --> 00:25:17,267 Stephy opened up like a flower. 714 00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:18,732 You should have seen it. 715 00:25:18,766 --> 00:25:21,999 I shouldn't have seen it, but now I feel like I have. 716 00:25:22,032 --> 00:25:23,466 I just want your parents to know 717 00:25:23,499 --> 00:25:24,666 that you're living with someone 718 00:25:24,699 --> 00:25:27,333 who's completely devoted to you. 719 00:25:27,367 --> 00:25:29,132 - Wait a minute. - What-ing with someone? 720 00:25:29,166 --> 00:25:31,267 - You say you're living together? - Yeah. 721 00:25:31,300 --> 00:25:34,032 No. We do not. 722 00:25:34,066 --> 00:25:36,267 Okay, five nights out of seven. 723 00:25:37,166 --> 00:25:39,066 Your stuff is here. 724 00:25:39,099 --> 00:25:40,532 You don't really stay at the dorm. 725 00:25:40,566 --> 00:25:41,866 (EXCLAIMING) 726 00:25:41,899 --> 00:25:43,132 Do you have a toothbrush here? 727 00:25:43,166 --> 00:25:44,267 Yeah. That's cohabitating. 728 00:25:44,300 --> 00:25:46,267 Scotty, stop talking and eat your paper. 729 00:25:46,300 --> 00:25:48,199 STEPHANIE: Dad, we do not live together. 730 00:25:48,233 --> 00:25:49,766 Yeah, we're cohabitating. 731 00:25:54,966 --> 00:25:56,966 "Opened up like a flower." 732 00:25:56,999 --> 00:26:00,166 Honey, I'm looking at the Esalen website right now 733 00:26:00,199 --> 00:26:01,666 and there's nothing dirty about it. 734 00:26:01,699 --> 00:26:04,532 You go up there for yoga classes and things like that. 735 00:26:04,566 --> 00:26:07,399 They've been practically living together for a year. 736 00:26:07,432 --> 00:26:09,566 Why didn't she just tell us that? 737 00:26:09,599 --> 00:26:11,699 Where the heck are the towels? 738 00:26:12,366 --> 00:26:14,432 He's even affected Scotty. 739 00:26:16,300 --> 00:26:19,666 What is a double dicking, for crying out loud? 740 00:26:19,699 --> 00:26:20,866 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 741 00:26:20,899 --> 00:26:21,999 Oh. Uh... 742 00:26:22,032 --> 00:26:23,132 There she is. 743 00:26:23,166 --> 00:26:24,666 Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. She's gonna... 744 00:26:24,699 --> 00:26:26,866 She better explain what the heck is going on here. 745 00:26:26,899 --> 00:26:28,166 All right, so be nice. 746 00:26:28,199 --> 00:26:30,466 Be like, "Oh, my God. I love your boyfriend. He's so normal." 747 00:26:30,499 --> 00:26:31,666 I'm good. 748 00:26:32,666 --> 00:26:33,766 Hi. 749 00:26:34,766 --> 00:26:35,832 Hi, uh... 750 00:26:38,099 --> 00:26:39,866 I thought you'd be Stephanie. 751 00:26:39,899 --> 00:26:41,099 Steph's super pooped. 752 00:26:41,132 --> 00:26:43,932 We had a big fight because of the way I behaved at dinner. 753 00:26:43,966 --> 00:26:47,066 Don't worry, we took a shower together and worked it out. 754 00:26:47,099 --> 00:26:49,599 But I snuck out to have a little check in. 755 00:26:49,632 --> 00:26:50,632 Okay. Well... 756 00:26:59,066 --> 00:27:01,499 Ned, would you come join us? 757 00:27:02,166 --> 00:27:03,699 (STAMMERS) I'm good here. 758 00:27:03,732 --> 00:27:06,299 Oh, please. This is an Alaskan king. 759 00:27:06,332 --> 00:27:07,932 There's so much room. 760 00:27:09,566 --> 00:27:11,432 So much room. 761 00:27:11,466 --> 00:27:13,632 It'd really mean a lot to me. Please? 762 00:27:15,199 --> 00:27:16,499 Okay. 763 00:27:17,099 --> 00:27:18,299 Hey. 764 00:27:19,332 --> 00:27:20,632 (BARB CLEARS THROAT) 765 00:27:25,032 --> 00:27:27,632 I owe you two an apology. 766 00:27:27,666 --> 00:27:28,566 When I get nervous 767 00:27:28,599 --> 00:27:31,399 all kinds of crap comes flying out of my mouth 768 00:27:31,432 --> 00:27:33,532 and I know that's not how you guys roll. 769 00:27:33,566 --> 00:27:34,499 No. 770 00:27:34,532 --> 00:27:36,399 I was just trying to make a good impression. 771 00:27:36,432 --> 00:27:38,299 Yeah. Well, you did. It was... 772 00:27:38,332 --> 00:27:40,466 I mean you didn't, but it's okay. 773 00:27:40,499 --> 00:27:43,866 It was an awkward dinner. 774 00:27:43,899 --> 00:27:45,599 It was a unique situation for... 775 00:27:45,632 --> 00:27:47,532 Yeah, but let's all just move on. 776 00:27:48,066 --> 00:27:49,932 Okay. Great. 777 00:27:49,966 --> 00:27:51,232 Truth be told, 778 00:27:51,266 --> 00:27:54,399 I haven't spent a lot of time with parental figures. 779 00:27:54,432 --> 00:27:57,932 I don't know if you know this, but I never knew my father. 780 00:27:57,966 --> 00:28:00,799 Yeah, he picked up my mom in this bar in Oakland. 781 00:28:00,832 --> 00:28:04,166 They had some sloppy car sex, and then never spoke again. 782 00:28:04,199 --> 00:28:05,266 Yeah. 783 00:28:05,299 --> 00:28:08,299 I'm not really close with my mom, either. 784 00:28:08,332 --> 00:28:12,066 To be frank, she's kind of a motherfucking bitch. 785 00:28:12,099 --> 00:28:13,599 (BARB EXCLAIMS) 786 00:28:13,632 --> 00:28:15,932 If I had a nickel for every time I... 787 00:28:16,699 --> 00:28:17,866 Yeah. 788 00:28:17,899 --> 00:28:20,132 We're sorry to hear that. 789 00:28:20,166 --> 00:28:21,999 That's some tough stuff, pal. 790 00:28:22,032 --> 00:28:23,499 Yup. That's... 791 00:28:23,932 --> 00:28:25,032 That's... 792 00:28:25,066 --> 00:28:27,266 All right. Well, it's getting late, so... 793 00:28:27,299 --> 00:28:28,332 BARB: Yeah. 794 00:28:28,366 --> 00:28:30,266 I'm in love with your daughter, dudes. 795 00:28:30,299 --> 00:28:31,566 And I'm just so fucking psyched 796 00:28:31,599 --> 00:28:33,766 to get to know the people that raised her. 797 00:28:33,799 --> 00:28:35,666 Mmm-hmm. 798 00:28:35,699 --> 00:28:38,799 And we're gonna do Christmas just like you do at home. 799 00:28:38,832 --> 00:28:39,699 Tomorrow night, 800 00:28:39,732 --> 00:28:42,799 I'm gonna throw a party in your honor. 801 00:28:42,832 --> 00:28:44,198 Oh, you don't have to go to the trouble. 802 00:28:44,232 --> 00:28:45,332 You don't... It's not. 803 00:28:45,366 --> 00:28:48,532 We're gonna do all the holiday shit. 804 00:28:48,566 --> 00:28:50,999 - Okay. Hmm. - All the shit. 805 00:28:51,032 --> 00:28:53,266 Ned, I'd love some guy time with you. 806 00:28:53,299 --> 00:28:55,632 So maybe we could take a walk tomorrow morning? 807 00:28:56,466 --> 00:28:57,932 - Okay. - Okay, cool. 808 00:28:57,966 --> 00:29:00,332 Justine, will you set Ned an alarm for 6:30 a.m.? 809 00:29:00,366 --> 00:29:01,766 JUSTINE: You got it, Laird. 810 00:29:01,799 --> 00:29:05,666 Ned, an alarm's been set for you for 6:30 en la manana. 811 00:29:05,699 --> 00:29:07,599 What? Who is that? 812 00:29:07,632 --> 00:29:08,766 (CHUCKLES) 813 00:29:08,799 --> 00:29:10,332 That's Justine. 814 00:29:10,366 --> 00:29:13,466 Yeah, she's like Siri, but awesome. 815 00:29:13,499 --> 00:29:15,399 I got that chick from The Big Bang Theory, 816 00:29:15,432 --> 00:29:17,032 Kaley Cuoco, to do the voice. 817 00:29:17,066 --> 00:29:18,299 J, say hi. 818 00:29:18,332 --> 00:29:20,499 JUSTINE: Hey, Ned. Hey, Barb. How are you guys? 819 00:29:22,232 --> 00:29:23,332 - Hi. - BARB: Oh, my God. 820 00:29:23,366 --> 00:29:25,066 Stephanie's told me so much about you. 821 00:29:25,099 --> 00:29:26,532 Anything you need, I'm here. 822 00:29:26,566 --> 00:29:27,999 - BARB: Okay. - NED: Thank you. 823 00:29:28,032 --> 00:29:30,732 She can't... Can she see us? 824 00:29:30,766 --> 00:29:34,532 She says that she can't, but I think that she can. 825 00:29:34,566 --> 00:29:36,399 JUSTINE: What the fuck are you talking about? 826 00:29:36,432 --> 00:29:37,799 You know I can't see them. 827 00:29:39,165 --> 00:29:40,532 (WHISPERS) She's a perv. 828 00:29:40,566 --> 00:29:41,499 Laird. 829 00:29:41,532 --> 00:29:44,566 Anyway, I hope you two have a nice night's rest. 830 00:29:44,599 --> 00:29:46,299 Yeah, have a good night. Great night. 831 00:29:46,332 --> 00:29:47,566 - Have a great night. - Yeah. 832 00:29:49,432 --> 00:29:51,566 My instinct is to hug you right now. 833 00:29:51,599 --> 00:29:53,699 - Oh. No. - BARB: I don't think you... 834 00:29:53,732 --> 00:29:54,966 That's okay. Oh. 835 00:29:54,999 --> 00:29:56,999 - Oh, my God. - Barb. 836 00:29:57,032 --> 00:29:58,432 Good night. 837 00:30:03,165 --> 00:30:04,366 Peace. 838 00:30:13,366 --> 00:30:14,832 (ROOSTER CROWING) 839 00:30:16,165 --> 00:30:18,499 (MAN SINGING) * Baby, I want to trim your... 840 00:30:19,299 --> 00:30:22,266 * Baby, I want to trim your... 841 00:30:22,299 --> 00:30:25,432 * Baby, I want to trim your... 842 00:30:25,466 --> 00:30:28,131 * Beautiful Christmas tree 843 00:30:28,165 --> 00:30:31,566 * I'm gonna bring along my hatchet 844 00:30:31,599 --> 00:30:34,466 * My beautiful Christmas balls 845 00:30:34,499 --> 00:30:37,566 * I'll sprinkle my snow upon your tree 846 00:30:37,599 --> 00:30:41,332 * And hang a mistletoe on your walls 847 00:30:41,366 --> 00:30:43,699 * Baby, I want to trim your... 848 00:30:43,732 --> 00:30:48,299 * Oh, beautiful Christmas tree * 849 00:30:56,098 --> 00:30:57,299 (CLEARS THROAT) 850 00:31:02,466 --> 00:31:04,799 Barb? There's no toilet paper. 851 00:31:04,832 --> 00:31:05,732 Uh-oh. 852 00:31:05,766 --> 00:31:07,732 Would you get a roll for me, please? 853 00:31:07,766 --> 00:31:09,131 Papa make a poopie? 854 00:31:09,165 --> 00:31:11,165 Yes. I made a poopie. 855 00:31:11,198 --> 00:31:12,532 Did Daddy do a doo-doo? 856 00:31:12,566 --> 00:31:14,899 Barb, just get the toilet paper, please? 857 00:31:14,932 --> 00:31:16,432 All right. Well, you sit tight. 858 00:31:16,466 --> 00:31:18,065 I'm gonna go find you some TP. 859 00:31:18,098 --> 00:31:19,299 Thank you. 860 00:31:21,232 --> 00:31:22,432 Of course. 861 00:31:23,198 --> 00:31:25,031 Mr. Playboy. 862 00:31:25,065 --> 00:31:26,766 Unbelievable. 863 00:31:27,299 --> 00:31:28,566 Who is that? 864 00:31:29,466 --> 00:31:31,732 She's a bit of a Plain Jane. 865 00:31:31,766 --> 00:31:32,866 - BARB: Darling? - Yeah. Yup. 866 00:31:32,899 --> 00:31:35,799 Just, um, crack the door and toss the roll, please. 867 00:31:35,832 --> 00:31:39,165 It's gonna be a little more complicated than that. 868 00:31:39,198 --> 00:31:41,266 Good morning, Ned. 869 00:31:41,299 --> 00:31:42,732 (GROANS) It's Gustav. 870 00:31:42,766 --> 00:31:43,899 Great. 871 00:31:43,932 --> 00:31:47,266 As I've already told Barb, we are a paperless household. 872 00:31:47,932 --> 00:31:50,031 Paperless? What? 873 00:31:50,065 --> 00:31:52,332 BARB: It's a paperless house, darling. 874 00:31:52,366 --> 00:31:53,566 NED: I got that. 875 00:31:53,599 --> 00:31:57,932 But how am I supposed to complete my business? 876 00:31:57,966 --> 00:31:59,566 Well, all Japanese toilets 877 00:31:59,599 --> 00:32:02,266 have a very effective and pleasant cleaning spray. 878 00:32:02,299 --> 00:32:03,532 And I will be very happy 879 00:32:03,566 --> 00:32:05,799 - to walk you through the entire process. - Oh, God. 880 00:32:05,832 --> 00:32:08,932 Ned, please locate the control panel to your left. 881 00:32:09,965 --> 00:32:11,532 Okay, I see it. 882 00:32:11,566 --> 00:32:13,131 Now on that control panel is a button 883 00:32:13,165 --> 00:32:15,998 that shows an image of water spraying up. 884 00:32:16,031 --> 00:32:17,998 Okay. And I just push it? 885 00:32:18,031 --> 00:32:19,366 Just press it, yes. 886 00:32:21,632 --> 00:32:22,632 (COUGHS) 887 00:32:23,832 --> 00:32:25,198 Was that cologne? 888 00:32:25,232 --> 00:32:26,599 Oh! Cologne? Oh, yes! 889 00:32:26,632 --> 00:32:29,732 That is a designer-scented talcum powder. 890 00:32:29,766 --> 00:32:32,065 But that button should not have activated that. 891 00:32:32,098 --> 00:32:35,299 Ned, that is what is called Big Pony for Men by the Ralph Lauren. 892 00:32:35,332 --> 00:32:36,666 I'm excited to try. 893 00:32:36,699 --> 00:32:40,031 - Can we please just continue? - All right. 894 00:32:40,065 --> 00:32:41,399 - Ned? - Yes. 895 00:32:41,432 --> 00:32:43,532 I would like to apologize sincerely again. 896 00:32:43,566 --> 00:32:47,266 This is the 2018 model that you are on right now, 897 00:32:47,299 --> 00:32:48,432 so they have not yet made 898 00:32:48,466 --> 00:32:50,532 an instruction manual in English yet. 899 00:32:50,566 --> 00:32:54,031 So I'm going to take care of this on my end, all right? 900 00:32:54,065 --> 00:32:56,732 So Ned, you focus on your end in there 901 00:32:56,766 --> 00:33:00,065 and I will focus on your end out here. 902 00:33:00,098 --> 00:33:01,566 - BARB: That's too good. - This is it. 903 00:33:01,599 --> 00:33:03,399 This should do it, Ned. (PHONE BEEPING) 904 00:33:03,432 --> 00:33:05,031 (WHIRRING) Okay. Something's whirring. 905 00:33:05,065 --> 00:33:07,232 Something's spinning around in there. 906 00:33:08,031 --> 00:33:10,031 No! Turn it off! 907 00:33:10,065 --> 00:33:12,466 Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off! 908 00:33:12,499 --> 00:33:13,332 God! 909 00:33:13,366 --> 00:33:14,699 GUSTAV: Oh, scheisse! 910 00:33:14,732 --> 00:33:17,131 We are having some technical difficulties. 911 00:33:17,165 --> 00:33:18,898 That was the vaginal cleanse. 912 00:33:18,931 --> 00:33:19,998 The what cleanse? 913 00:33:20,031 --> 00:33:21,866 I just want a square of toilet paper. 914 00:33:21,898 --> 00:33:23,165 The vaginal cleanse. 915 00:33:23,198 --> 00:33:24,432 Which I hear is refreshing 916 00:33:24,466 --> 00:33:26,699 and apparently also very stimulating. 917 00:33:27,165 --> 00:33:28,799 Just saying. 918 00:33:28,832 --> 00:33:30,232 (GRUNTING) 919 00:33:34,965 --> 00:33:35,965 Ned? 920 00:33:37,031 --> 00:33:38,299 Really? 921 00:33:38,332 --> 00:33:39,898 I'm so sorry, Ned... 922 00:33:39,931 --> 00:33:42,832 but I'm going to have to manually reboot the system from the inside. 923 00:33:44,165 --> 00:33:45,266 In here? 924 00:33:45,299 --> 00:33:46,866 I am so sorry. 925 00:33:46,898 --> 00:33:47,931 Fine. 926 00:33:50,832 --> 00:33:51,898 NED: Why not? 927 00:33:53,299 --> 00:33:55,898 Barb, would you close the door? Sorry. 928 00:33:55,931 --> 00:33:57,499 It's gonna be great. 929 00:33:58,566 --> 00:33:59,998 (DOOR SHUTS) 930 00:34:00,031 --> 00:34:02,131 Ned, I am blinders. 931 00:34:02,165 --> 00:34:05,299 I see nothing. I smell nothing. 932 00:34:05,332 --> 00:34:07,632 The print is very small. Mm-hmm. 933 00:34:07,666 --> 00:34:09,399 Okay, forgive me. 934 00:34:09,432 --> 00:34:11,632 I can't see the instructions. 935 00:34:15,031 --> 00:34:18,131 All right. What do we have here? 936 00:34:18,165 --> 00:34:19,366 Hmm... 937 00:34:21,031 --> 00:34:22,232 (SIGHS) 938 00:34:28,165 --> 00:34:29,432 (FARTS GENTLY) 939 00:34:42,898 --> 00:34:44,366 (STOMACH GROWLING) 940 00:34:47,566 --> 00:34:52,399 I had some stomach problems last night. 941 00:34:52,432 --> 00:34:54,065 I think it was the bear. 942 00:34:54,098 --> 00:34:56,499 I can guarantee you, it was the bear. 943 00:34:57,432 --> 00:34:58,766 (JUSTINE CLEARS THROAT) 944 00:34:59,699 --> 00:35:01,798 Turning on the fan. (SWITCH CLICKS) 945 00:35:02,366 --> 00:35:04,699 Great. Wunderbar. 946 00:35:09,065 --> 00:35:10,732 How'd it go? 947 00:35:10,766 --> 00:35:13,332 I am so sorry that it took so long. 948 00:35:13,366 --> 00:35:15,732 Ned, I'm going to need you to be completely still 949 00:35:15,766 --> 00:35:18,266 while we try to lock in your location. 950 00:35:18,299 --> 00:35:20,666 I'm sitting on a toilet, that's pretty still. 951 00:35:20,699 --> 00:35:23,266 GUSTAV: Searching, searching, und searching. 952 00:35:23,299 --> 00:35:25,898 And we have target achieved! 953 00:35:25,931 --> 00:35:27,332 And sploosh! 954 00:35:27,366 --> 00:35:28,666 (BIDET HISSING) Oh! 955 00:35:38,031 --> 00:35:39,366 (CHICKENS CLUCKING) 956 00:35:40,332 --> 00:35:42,599 There you go, girls. 957 00:35:42,632 --> 00:35:44,031 You raise chickens? 958 00:35:44,065 --> 00:35:45,898 All free-range. 959 00:35:45,931 --> 00:35:47,198 Cows, too. 960 00:35:47,232 --> 00:35:49,798 Pigs, artisanal llamas. 961 00:35:49,831 --> 00:35:51,131 Everything you eat here 962 00:35:51,165 --> 00:35:53,432 comes from within a 500-yard radius. 963 00:35:53,466 --> 00:35:56,065 I call it "lawn to table eating." 964 00:35:56,098 --> 00:35:57,432 There she is. 965 00:35:57,466 --> 00:35:58,831 Hey, Daisy. (GRUNTS) 966 00:36:00,165 --> 00:36:02,165 Oh. Hi. 967 00:36:02,198 --> 00:36:03,931 (GRUNTS) Go on, get. 968 00:36:05,432 --> 00:36:07,065 So glad we're doing this, Ned. 969 00:36:07,098 --> 00:36:09,898 I feel like I know you after everything that Steph's told me about you, 970 00:36:09,931 --> 00:36:11,632 but still not the same... 971 00:36:11,666 --> 00:36:12,765 (BOTH GRUNTING) 972 00:36:15,065 --> 00:36:16,499 - Do you submit? - Fuck you! 973 00:36:17,798 --> 00:36:19,232 - Gustav! - Ned, stay away! 974 00:36:20,165 --> 00:36:21,366 You wanna fight? 975 00:36:25,499 --> 00:36:26,731 - Tap out! - (GROANING) No! 976 00:36:26,765 --> 00:36:27,898 You want to tap out. 977 00:36:29,965 --> 00:36:31,798 Okay, okay! Fine! 978 00:36:31,831 --> 00:36:33,332 GUSTAV: Nice work! 979 00:36:33,366 --> 00:36:34,931 And your reactions are getting quicker. 980 00:36:34,965 --> 00:36:35,998 - Really? - Absolutely. 981 00:36:36,031 --> 00:36:37,332 Thanks. 982 00:36:37,366 --> 00:36:39,532 I am so sorry, Ned. I just didn't want you to get hurt. 983 00:36:39,566 --> 00:36:43,898 Wait, so you just do this Pink Panther thing? 984 00:36:43,931 --> 00:36:45,332 - Pink Panther? - Pink Panther? 985 00:36:45,366 --> 00:36:47,698 The Pink Panther from the Pink Panther movies. 986 00:36:47,731 --> 00:36:51,131 When Cato attacks Inspector Clouseau to keep him sharp. 987 00:36:51,165 --> 00:36:52,898 Are those really old? I never heard of it. 988 00:36:52,931 --> 00:36:53,998 I'm not familiar, either, 989 00:36:54,031 --> 00:36:55,698 but it sounds absolutely charming. 990 00:36:57,299 --> 00:36:58,865 Pink Panther. 991 00:36:58,898 --> 00:37:01,065 The movies? Mm-hmm. 992 00:37:01,098 --> 00:37:04,466 Cato is his assistant, his houseboy. 993 00:37:04,499 --> 00:37:06,065 - Houseboy? - Well, it's... 994 00:37:06,098 --> 00:37:08,665 That sounds racist. 995 00:37:08,698 --> 00:37:11,432 He did call him "my little yellow friend." But... 996 00:37:11,466 --> 00:37:12,665 I'm sorry, you have to understand, Ned. 997 00:37:12,698 --> 00:37:15,466 Laird is the CEO of a massive tech company. 998 00:37:15,499 --> 00:37:17,065 LAIRD: I don't like bodyguards around 999 00:37:17,098 --> 00:37:20,299 so I have Goose train me in case I get kidnapped or whatever. 1000 00:37:20,332 --> 00:37:23,165 By the way, your Chun Kuk Do moves were very solid. 1001 00:37:23,198 --> 00:37:25,031 But what happened to the evasive parkour? 1002 00:37:25,065 --> 00:37:26,299 - Ah, evasive parkour. - Yeah. 1003 00:37:26,332 --> 00:37:27,731 I totally fucking spaced! 1004 00:37:27,765 --> 00:37:29,765 GUSTAV: There's always room to improve. 1005 00:37:29,798 --> 00:37:30,931 - All right. - Thanks, man. 1006 00:37:30,965 --> 00:37:32,299 You got it, brother. 1007 00:37:32,332 --> 00:37:34,165 All right, ciao for now, you friends. 1008 00:37:34,198 --> 00:37:37,599 And you guys have a lovely chat. 1009 00:37:37,632 --> 00:37:39,432 Ned, come on. I wanna show you my office. 1010 00:37:41,198 --> 00:37:44,299 You know, that's like classic Pink Panther. 1011 00:37:45,466 --> 00:37:47,998 - This is where you work, huh? - LAIRD: Yeah. 1012 00:37:48,031 --> 00:37:51,332 I have a den in the house where I do the financial stuff 1013 00:37:51,366 --> 00:37:53,599 but this is where all the big ideas happen. 1014 00:37:53,631 --> 00:37:55,665 Don't you need a computer and... 1015 00:37:55,698 --> 00:37:58,031 Nah. My girl Justine records everything. 1016 00:37:58,065 --> 00:37:59,266 Right, J? 1017 00:37:59,299 --> 00:38:01,731 JUSTINE: Yep, I'm here. Hey, Ned. 1018 00:38:01,765 --> 00:38:04,131 Hey, why don't you play back a blip from yesterday's session? 1019 00:38:04,165 --> 00:38:07,031 All right, hold on. Fuck. There's so much shit up here in your Cloud. 1020 00:38:07,065 --> 00:38:08,366 Okay, okay got it. 1021 00:38:08,399 --> 00:38:11,198 LAIRD: Come on, idiot, think. Names for games. Um... 1022 00:38:11,232 --> 00:38:14,131 Ape Assassins Six, Capuchin Chaos. 1023 00:38:14,165 --> 00:38:16,765 Uh, Silverback Salsa. 1024 00:38:16,798 --> 00:38:18,998 Baboon Bukkake. 1025 00:38:19,031 --> 00:38:20,299 Fuck! Wow, that's awful! 1026 00:38:20,332 --> 00:38:21,598 (CHUCKLES) Bad idea. 1027 00:38:21,631 --> 00:38:22,731 Why? Why's that? 1028 00:38:22,765 --> 00:38:23,865 Uh... 1029 00:38:23,898 --> 00:38:25,466 What does that mean? 1030 00:38:25,499 --> 00:38:26,631 Bukkake? 1031 00:38:26,665 --> 00:38:27,698 Oh, um... 1032 00:38:27,731 --> 00:38:29,532 Just means a lot of things are happening 1033 00:38:29,566 --> 00:38:30,931 and you're feeling overwhelmed. 1034 00:38:30,965 --> 00:38:32,266 Mm-hmm. Yeah. 1035 00:38:32,299 --> 00:38:34,499 Yeah. I've felt bukkake before. 1036 00:38:34,532 --> 00:38:35,532 Hmm... 1037 00:38:37,965 --> 00:38:41,432 Grab a seat. Make yourself comfy. Let's break it down. 1038 00:38:41,466 --> 00:38:44,898 Just pop down right here on the floor. 1039 00:38:47,232 --> 00:38:49,432 There you go. 1040 00:38:49,466 --> 00:38:53,665 Ned, I think you and I have so much in common. 1041 00:38:53,698 --> 00:38:57,266 We see something we want and we just dive in 1042 00:38:57,299 --> 00:38:58,299 and we take it. 1043 00:38:58,332 --> 00:38:59,532 Know what I mean? 1044 00:39:00,665 --> 00:39:01,765 Yeah. 1045 00:39:04,165 --> 00:39:05,565 Which is why... 1046 00:39:06,366 --> 00:39:08,399 ...on Christmas Day... 1047 00:39:08,432 --> 00:39:10,499 I'm going to ask Stephy to marry me. 1048 00:39:20,031 --> 00:39:22,731 And I know how tight you two are. 1049 00:39:22,765 --> 00:39:23,765 Mm-hmm. 1050 00:39:23,798 --> 00:39:26,598 So I'd really, really 1051 00:39:26,631 --> 00:39:27,665 like your blessing. 1052 00:39:28,299 --> 00:39:29,765 (MUTTERS INAUDIBLY) 1053 00:39:31,165 --> 00:39:33,698 Uh, Laird. 1054 00:39:33,731 --> 00:39:35,131 Really appreciate you coming to me. 1055 00:39:35,165 --> 00:39:36,266 'Course. 1056 00:39:36,299 --> 00:39:38,698 But, uh, the answer's no. 1057 00:39:42,931 --> 00:39:44,865 Dude, I'm so confused. 1058 00:39:44,898 --> 00:39:47,065 What the fuck? What the hell? 1059 00:39:47,098 --> 00:39:48,399 This went so much differently 1060 00:39:48,432 --> 00:39:50,065 when I rehearsed it with Gustav. 1061 00:39:50,098 --> 00:39:52,266 Yeah. I asked you and you were like, 1062 00:39:52,299 --> 00:39:53,865 "Yeah, dude. My son." 1063 00:39:53,898 --> 00:39:56,065 Laird. Listen to me, okay. 1064 00:39:56,098 --> 00:39:59,931 Beside the fact that I don't know you from a hole in the wall... 1065 00:39:59,965 --> 00:40:04,165 Stephanie is just not ready for this step in her life. 1066 00:40:04,198 --> 00:40:07,266 Oh, I'm totally getting the signals that she is. 1067 00:40:07,299 --> 00:40:10,131 I'm her father, I know her pretty well. 1068 00:40:10,165 --> 00:40:12,131 Okay, all right. All right, Ned... 1069 00:40:12,165 --> 00:40:13,998 Dude, I know I sprung this on you. 1070 00:40:14,031 --> 00:40:16,765 My bad. Okay? Let's just back it up. 1071 00:40:16,798 --> 00:40:17,865 - All right? - All right. 1072 00:40:17,898 --> 00:40:21,165 Why don't you give me a few days to win you over, okay? 1073 00:40:21,198 --> 00:40:22,466 And by Christmas morning... 1074 00:40:22,498 --> 00:40:25,165 I promise, you're going to be calling me "son." 1075 00:40:25,198 --> 00:40:27,131 I'm gonna be calling you "Dad". 1076 00:40:27,165 --> 00:40:28,299 Don't think that's going to happen. 1077 00:40:28,332 --> 00:40:30,498 I think it's gonna, Dad. 1078 00:40:32,531 --> 00:40:33,531 Don't. 1079 00:40:34,165 --> 00:40:35,399 (CHUCKLES) Dad, come on. 1080 00:40:35,432 --> 00:40:37,065 - Don't call me "Dad." - Don't call you "Dad"? 1081 00:40:37,098 --> 00:40:38,198 I'm not your dad. 1082 00:40:38,232 --> 00:40:40,531 I mean, you're gonna be my dad. 1083 00:40:40,565 --> 00:40:41,399 No. No. 1084 00:40:41,432 --> 00:40:43,432 What, Dad? (SIGHS) 1085 00:40:45,565 --> 00:40:47,065 Okay, now you're playing with me. 1086 00:40:47,098 --> 00:40:48,965 All right. Dad. 1087 00:40:50,798 --> 00:40:52,432 Look, Laird. 1088 00:40:53,465 --> 00:40:56,131 Why do you even care about what I think? 1089 00:40:56,165 --> 00:40:58,665 You're Stephanie's father. 1090 00:40:58,698 --> 00:41:01,631 I'm not gonna ask Stephanie to marry me unless I have your blessing. 1091 00:41:02,631 --> 00:41:03,898 Okay. 1092 00:41:03,931 --> 00:41:05,266 Justine, did you get that? 1093 00:41:05,299 --> 00:41:07,266 JUSTINE: Totes. Yeah, recorded every word. 1094 00:41:08,332 --> 00:41:10,098 Totes. And totes is what? 1095 00:41:10,131 --> 00:41:13,431 It means totally. But totally's kind of long, so "totes" is just easier. 1096 00:41:15,165 --> 00:41:16,266 Okay. Good. 1097 00:41:16,299 --> 00:41:17,299 - Okay. - Okay. 1098 00:41:17,332 --> 00:41:18,765 - All right, cool. - Yeah. 1099 00:41:18,798 --> 00:41:21,165 But you gotta promise me 1100 00:41:21,198 --> 00:41:24,898 that you won't tell Steph anything about this. 1101 00:41:24,931 --> 00:41:26,065 About any of this. 1102 00:41:26,098 --> 00:41:29,031 Trust me, that is the last thing in the world I will do. 1103 00:41:29,065 --> 00:41:31,798 For reals, dude. I want it to be a surprise. 1104 00:41:31,831 --> 00:41:33,198 No word. I won't say a word. 1105 00:41:33,232 --> 00:41:35,531 Barb and Scotty, too. No clowning. 1106 00:41:35,965 --> 00:41:36,965 No clowning. 1107 00:41:39,098 --> 00:41:40,431 What? 1108 00:41:40,465 --> 00:41:42,731 I'd just feel a lot better about this if we pinky swore. 1109 00:41:42,765 --> 00:41:44,498 (LAUGHS) 1110 00:41:46,398 --> 00:41:47,431 Oh. 1111 00:41:51,965 --> 00:41:54,332 - I see what you mean. - Cool. 1112 00:41:54,366 --> 00:41:56,366 - Go get breakfast. - Okay. 1113 00:41:57,765 --> 00:41:58,831 Fuck! 1114 00:41:59,798 --> 00:42:00,831 Sup, guys? 1115 00:42:00,865 --> 00:42:03,266 - DEVELOPER 1: Hey, boss. - DEVELOPER 2: Mayhew! 1116 00:42:03,299 --> 00:42:04,865 (MAN RAPPING OVER RADIO) * ...took a little longer 1117 00:42:04,898 --> 00:42:08,465 * Go into the school gonna run another banger * 1118 00:42:08,498 --> 00:42:10,565 - The fuck? - Come with me immediately. 1119 00:42:11,232 --> 00:42:12,998 The hell is this room? 1120 00:42:13,031 --> 00:42:14,198 Randy, get the fuck out. 1121 00:42:14,232 --> 00:42:15,498 Yes, sir, Gustav. Mm-hmm. 1122 00:42:18,431 --> 00:42:20,598 I am on the needles und pins. 1123 00:42:20,631 --> 00:42:22,431 I need you to tell me how it went right now 1124 00:42:22,465 --> 00:42:23,598 or I'm going to burst. 1125 00:42:23,631 --> 00:42:25,798 - He said no! - What? Okay, okay. 1126 00:42:25,831 --> 00:42:28,531 But how did you respond? 1127 00:42:28,565 --> 00:42:31,598 I was blindsided, man. I didn't know what to do. 1128 00:42:31,631 --> 00:42:32,531 I challenged him. 1129 00:42:32,565 --> 00:42:34,698 - Okay. - I started calling him Dad. 1130 00:42:35,831 --> 00:42:37,865 - Oy vey. - The fuck, man! 1131 00:42:37,898 --> 00:42:42,898 Why would you call him Dad? You're putting him at unease! 1132 00:42:42,931 --> 00:42:44,299 You have to find a way in. 1133 00:42:44,331 --> 00:42:46,698 You have to do something for him that's truly special 1134 00:42:46,731 --> 00:42:49,266 so that he knows that your intentions are pure. 1135 00:42:49,299 --> 00:42:51,266 Dude, Goose, I don't know how to talk to the guy. 1136 00:42:51,299 --> 00:42:53,731 It's like we speak two different languages or something. 1137 00:42:53,765 --> 00:42:54,865 - You do. - Yeah. 1138 00:42:54,898 --> 00:42:56,031 He speaks English. 1139 00:42:56,065 --> 00:42:59,798 And you speak English with resounding amounts of "fuck." 1140 00:42:59,831 --> 00:43:01,331 All right, Stephanie's been on my case, too. 1141 00:43:01,365 --> 00:43:02,398 Yes. I got it. 1142 00:43:02,431 --> 00:43:03,465 - All right? - Okay. 1143 00:43:03,498 --> 00:43:04,731 - Right. - All right, man. 1144 00:43:04,765 --> 00:43:05,631 - Great. - Great. 1145 00:43:05,665 --> 00:43:07,266 You just fucking really hit me really hard. 1146 00:43:07,299 --> 00:43:08,931 I know. I am sorry. 1147 00:43:08,965 --> 00:43:11,798 It's just, Laird... 1148 00:43:11,831 --> 00:43:14,465 ...your relationship with Miss Stephanie 1149 00:43:14,498 --> 00:43:17,131 is very special. It's the real deal. 1150 00:43:17,165 --> 00:43:18,266 - Hey. - Yes. 1151 00:43:18,298 --> 00:43:21,266 Goose, I know I pay you a shit-ton of money, 1152 00:43:21,298 --> 00:43:22,865 but you're my best friend. 1153 00:43:22,898 --> 00:43:25,131 Our friendship is priceless. 1154 00:43:25,165 --> 00:43:27,498 Hey. Thanks, brother. 1155 00:43:29,131 --> 00:43:30,831 (BOTH SIGHING) 1156 00:43:32,198 --> 00:43:34,232 (GROANING) 1157 00:43:38,765 --> 00:43:39,998 Okay. 1158 00:43:40,031 --> 00:43:41,165 (GROANING) 1159 00:43:41,198 --> 00:43:43,565 Okay. Ow! Mercy. Mercy. 1160 00:43:44,898 --> 00:43:45,898 Fuck. 1161 00:43:47,965 --> 00:43:49,065 Bro, you're incredible. 1162 00:43:49,098 --> 00:43:50,265 That was very imaginative 1163 00:43:50,298 --> 00:43:51,665 how you took that tender moment 1164 00:43:51,698 --> 00:43:53,298 and used it as your pivot to attack. 1165 00:43:53,331 --> 00:43:54,765 - Yeah. - Very good. 1166 00:43:54,798 --> 00:43:56,498 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 1167 00:43:58,298 --> 00:43:59,331 What's up, Cheese? 1168 00:43:59,365 --> 00:44:01,598 I'm about to go to the football game. 1169 00:44:01,631 --> 00:44:02,931 Lions, baby! 1170 00:44:02,965 --> 00:44:04,265 NED: Great. How's business? 1171 00:44:04,298 --> 00:44:05,765 Tell me something good. 1172 00:44:05,798 --> 00:44:07,265 Oh, uh... 1173 00:44:07,298 --> 00:44:09,465 I talked to my guy over at Dick's Sporting Goods. 1174 00:44:09,498 --> 00:44:11,131 Don't tell me they're going with China, too. 1175 00:44:11,165 --> 00:44:12,265 Worse. 1176 00:44:12,298 --> 00:44:14,331 Freaking online banner ads. 1177 00:44:14,365 --> 00:44:16,665 No. Damn it. All right, listen. 1178 00:44:16,698 --> 00:44:20,398 I'm gonna call Don Millis at Subaru of Southern Michigan. 1179 00:44:20,431 --> 00:44:23,898 I heard a little rumor that they might be looking for a new dance partner. 1180 00:44:23,931 --> 00:44:25,465 Yeah, Don, the big guy, right? 1181 00:44:25,498 --> 00:44:27,398 You guys go back to your car selling days. 1182 00:44:27,431 --> 00:44:29,265 Yeah. It's worth a shot. Listen... 1183 00:44:29,298 --> 00:44:30,798 I need you to go in and pull his card 1184 00:44:30,831 --> 00:44:32,431 from my Rolodex while I look for a pen. 1185 00:44:32,465 --> 00:44:34,531 You got it, Cheese. No, you got it. 1186 00:44:36,031 --> 00:44:38,465 So how goes it in Cali? 1187 00:44:38,498 --> 00:44:40,898 It feels like we've landed in The Twilight Zone. 1188 00:44:40,931 --> 00:44:41,931 Did you find the card? 1189 00:44:43,431 --> 00:44:44,798 Yeah. I got it right here. 1190 00:44:44,831 --> 00:44:46,131 Just hang on. 1191 00:44:46,165 --> 00:44:47,865 I have nothing to write with here. 1192 00:44:47,898 --> 00:44:49,265 This whole house is paperless. 1193 00:44:49,298 --> 00:44:50,398 Paperless? 1194 00:44:50,431 --> 00:44:51,998 Well, how do you wipe your ass? 1195 00:44:52,031 --> 00:44:53,165 You don't. 1196 00:44:53,198 --> 00:44:55,831 They have these Japanese toilets that... (HISSES) 1197 00:44:55,865 --> 00:44:58,197 It's one of those little squat jobs, little squatter. 1198 00:44:58,231 --> 00:45:01,031 No. Just... never mind. Just give me the number. 1199 00:45:01,065 --> 00:45:02,398 JUSTINE: Hey, Ned, I'm here. 1200 00:45:02,431 --> 00:45:03,998 I can take it down for you. 1201 00:45:04,031 --> 00:45:06,531 Justine, please just... I'm fine. 1202 00:45:06,565 --> 00:45:07,465 Just go away. 1203 00:45:07,498 --> 00:45:08,665 All right, I'm just trying to help. 1204 00:45:08,698 --> 00:45:10,398 You don't have to be such a dick. 1205 00:45:10,431 --> 00:45:12,565 LOU: Whoa, whoa. Cheese, who is that? 1206 00:45:12,598 --> 00:45:13,765 She's got a foul little mouth. 1207 00:45:13,798 --> 00:45:15,398 Is that the kid's secretary you fighting with? 1208 00:45:15,431 --> 00:45:18,065 No, no, no. That's the woman who lives in the ceiling. 1209 00:45:18,098 --> 00:45:19,165 Cheese, what she look like? 1210 00:45:19,197 --> 00:45:20,265 The woman who lives... 1211 00:45:20,298 --> 00:45:21,331 You say she lives in the ceiling? 1212 00:45:21,365 --> 00:45:24,265 She's a disembodied voice that... 1213 00:45:24,298 --> 00:45:26,065 Never mind. I'll explain later. 1214 00:45:26,098 --> 00:45:27,165 The voice sounds sexy. 1215 00:45:27,197 --> 00:45:28,398 Are they using somebody famous? 1216 00:45:28,431 --> 00:45:30,431 JUSTINE: I wouldn't say too famous. 1217 00:45:30,465 --> 00:45:31,731 You know, million dollars a week, 1218 00:45:31,765 --> 00:45:33,431 biggest show in the world, no big deal. (COUGHS) 1219 00:45:33,465 --> 00:45:34,998 - Lou. - She can hear me? 1220 00:45:35,031 --> 00:45:36,265 JUSTINE: Of course I can hear you. 1221 00:45:36,298 --> 00:45:37,531 How you doin', baby? 1222 00:45:37,565 --> 00:45:39,665 (LAUGHS) Better now that I'm talking with you. 1223 00:45:39,698 --> 00:45:41,831 NED: Just give me the number. I'm calling him now. 1224 00:45:46,197 --> 00:45:47,698 Let's catch some waves. 1225 00:45:48,965 --> 00:45:51,065 - VIDEO GAME GORILLA: Tsunami. - SCOTTY: That guy's cool. 1226 00:45:51,098 --> 00:45:52,298 Yeah, Goose is the best. 1227 00:45:52,698 --> 00:45:53,798 Oh... 1228 00:45:58,298 --> 00:45:59,731 Laird, I'm gonna be honest with you, buddy. 1229 00:45:59,765 --> 00:46:00,631 Okay. 1230 00:46:00,665 --> 00:46:02,898 Gorillas in board shorts is a fun touch. 1231 00:46:02,931 --> 00:46:03,898 - Yeah. - I'll give you that. 1232 00:46:03,931 --> 00:46:05,598 But when the only mission is to get to shore, 1233 00:46:05,631 --> 00:46:07,130 I'm not feeling enough drama there. 1234 00:46:07,164 --> 00:46:08,365 You know? 1235 00:46:09,298 --> 00:46:11,765 You know what? You're so fucking right. 1236 00:46:11,798 --> 00:46:12,798 Fuck! 1237 00:46:12,831 --> 00:46:14,465 We've been developing this limp dick for months. 1238 00:46:14,498 --> 00:46:16,130 You come and you play it for five minutes, 1239 00:46:16,164 --> 00:46:17,798 you know exactly what's wrong with it. 1240 00:46:17,831 --> 00:46:20,398 You're a sharp little fucker. You know that? 1241 00:46:20,831 --> 00:46:22,164 Thank you. 1242 00:46:22,197 --> 00:46:25,130 I mean, for real, man. I appreciate it. 1243 00:46:25,164 --> 00:46:26,698 It's just nice to be listened to. 1244 00:46:27,331 --> 00:46:28,731 What do you mean? 1245 00:46:28,765 --> 00:46:30,598 I'm gonna be running my dad's business one day. 1246 00:46:30,631 --> 00:46:31,898 Uh-huh. 1247 00:46:31,931 --> 00:46:34,731 But he won't even listen to any of my ideas about innovation. 1248 00:46:34,765 --> 00:46:36,265 - What? - Right? 1249 00:46:36,298 --> 00:46:37,731 You're next gen, dude. 1250 00:46:37,765 --> 00:46:40,130 It's where all the new seeds come from. Everyone knows that. 1251 00:46:40,164 --> 00:46:41,498 And I told him that. I was like... 1252 00:46:41,531 --> 00:46:43,998 "Dad, if you're gonna unleash me to my full potentsh... 1253 00:46:44,031 --> 00:46:45,164 "I need a seat at the table." 1254 00:46:45,197 --> 00:46:46,398 He just won't listen to me. 1255 00:46:46,431 --> 00:46:47,931 Um... Get that seat! 1256 00:46:47,965 --> 00:46:49,097 I will get that seat. 1257 00:46:49,130 --> 00:46:50,865 - Gotta get that seat, Scotty. - That's my seat. 1258 00:46:50,898 --> 00:46:52,164 - Nobody else touch it. - No. 1259 00:46:52,197 --> 00:46:54,798 Where is that seat? It's at the fucking table. 1260 00:46:54,831 --> 00:46:57,197 (SCOFFS) And I'm gonna get that seat at that table. 1261 00:46:57,231 --> 00:46:59,130 You deserve a fucking throne, dawg. 1262 00:46:59,164 --> 00:47:00,531 - Yeah, the Iron Throne. - Iron Throne. 1263 00:47:00,565 --> 00:47:01,931 - Iron Throne. - Game of Thrones over here! 1264 00:47:01,965 --> 00:47:04,265 I'm breathing fire and grabbing titties left and right. 1265 00:47:04,298 --> 00:47:05,665 Fucking King Joffrey up in this. 1266 00:47:05,698 --> 00:47:06,598 Those are my titties! 1267 00:47:06,631 --> 00:47:08,998 - You're the next in line. - That's me. 1268 00:47:09,031 --> 00:47:10,231 My man. 1269 00:47:13,765 --> 00:47:15,698 Oh, God. 1270 00:47:15,731 --> 00:47:17,998 They're paying your student loans. 1271 00:47:18,031 --> 00:47:19,798 They're paying your student loans. 1272 00:47:20,465 --> 00:47:21,465 Oh. 1273 00:47:32,965 --> 00:47:34,398 NED: Stamp Free Invites. 1274 00:47:36,431 --> 00:47:37,631 (CHIMES) 1275 00:47:41,498 --> 00:47:42,898 Oh, man. 1276 00:47:46,164 --> 00:47:48,365 Ho, ho, ho! (DOG BARKS) 1277 00:47:49,631 --> 00:47:50,865 (LLAMA GRUNTS) 1278 00:47:50,898 --> 00:47:52,030 BARB: Wow. 1279 00:47:52,064 --> 00:47:53,398 - Is that a horse? - That is a llama. 1280 00:47:53,431 --> 00:47:54,665 - Oh, a llama. - Hi. 1281 00:47:54,698 --> 00:47:55,898 Hello. 1282 00:47:55,931 --> 00:47:57,865 - BARB: Oh, my goodness. - Hey, girl. 1283 00:47:57,898 --> 00:47:59,498 We don't have those in... 1284 00:47:59,531 --> 00:48:00,898 Dad! 1285 00:48:00,931 --> 00:48:03,164 There you are. This is insane! 1286 00:48:03,197 --> 00:48:04,565 Oh, you working on the books? 1287 00:48:04,598 --> 00:48:06,631 Uh, yeah, you know. Just the little stuff. 1288 00:48:08,164 --> 00:48:10,565 I was thinking about Laird's Christmas party. 1289 00:48:10,598 --> 00:48:12,531 Gustav gave me a preview of the guest list. 1290 00:48:12,565 --> 00:48:14,565 And, Dad, it is a veritable "who's who" 1291 00:48:14,598 --> 00:48:16,197 of Silicon Valley power players. 1292 00:48:16,231 --> 00:48:18,030 Tyson Modell is coming! 1293 00:48:18,064 --> 00:48:19,997 - Wait, who is he? - What? 1294 00:48:20,030 --> 00:48:21,064 He's the kid who founded Ghost-chat. 1295 00:48:21,097 --> 00:48:22,331 Oh, right. 1296 00:48:22,365 --> 00:48:23,598 He turned down three billion dollars from Facebook, 1297 00:48:23,631 --> 00:48:25,298 and he's only 24 years old. 1298 00:48:25,331 --> 00:48:28,565 I'm gonna broker a sit-down between you two. 1299 00:48:28,598 --> 00:48:30,731 Dad, thank you for telling me to pack a blazer. 1300 00:48:30,765 --> 00:48:33,130 Now, should I throw on a tie or should I keep it business casual? 1301 00:48:33,164 --> 00:48:34,665 Scotty, just listen to me, all right? 1302 00:48:34,698 --> 00:48:37,030 Most of these Internet companies 1303 00:48:37,064 --> 00:48:39,398 are built on smoke and mirrors. 1304 00:48:39,431 --> 00:48:40,265 What? 1305 00:48:40,298 --> 00:48:41,398 Don't get sucked in. 1306 00:48:41,431 --> 00:48:43,698 That whole industry is based on hooey. 1307 00:48:43,731 --> 00:48:46,130 I'm gonna drop some knowledge on you. 1308 00:48:46,164 --> 00:48:47,431 Times are changing, Pops. 1309 00:48:47,465 --> 00:48:49,698 And not everything you think is hooey is hooey. 1310 00:48:50,798 --> 00:48:52,798 Wow. That's profound. 1311 00:48:53,197 --> 00:48:54,565 Profound. 1312 00:48:55,665 --> 00:48:57,265 And you... 1313 00:48:57,298 --> 00:48:59,365 Hooey-meister himself. 1314 00:49:01,097 --> 00:49:02,964 You're nothing but an octopus. 1315 00:49:03,765 --> 00:49:05,398 An octopus. 1316 00:49:08,765 --> 00:49:10,231 (EDM PLAYING) 1317 00:49:19,298 --> 00:49:21,197 (LAIRD ON TAPE): Merry fuckin' Christmas 1318 00:49:21,231 --> 00:49:23,231 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 1319 00:49:35,030 --> 00:49:36,431 What are you pouring? 1320 00:49:36,465 --> 00:49:38,398 We are doing a deconstructed eggnog tonight. 1321 00:49:38,431 --> 00:49:40,798 Eggnog. Yes. Thank you. 1322 00:49:40,831 --> 00:49:42,064 Where you from, boss? 1323 00:49:42,097 --> 00:49:43,164 Michigan. 1324 00:49:43,197 --> 00:49:44,865 Oh, Michigan. You in the car business? 1325 00:49:44,898 --> 00:49:47,130 Uh, no. Printing. Ned Fleming. 1326 00:49:47,164 --> 00:49:49,265 - Elon Musk. - Elon Musk? 1327 00:49:49,298 --> 00:49:50,731 - Yeah. - Tesla, Elon Musk? 1328 00:49:50,765 --> 00:49:51,898 Yeah. Wow. 1329 00:49:53,164 --> 00:49:54,531 How do you know Laird? 1330 00:49:54,565 --> 00:49:55,798 Uh... 1331 00:49:55,831 --> 00:49:57,631 He's dating my daughter. 1332 00:49:58,831 --> 00:50:00,130 Uh-oh. 1333 00:50:00,164 --> 00:50:01,598 - Nice talking to you. - Yeah. 1334 00:50:01,631 --> 00:50:02,698 What? 1335 00:50:04,030 --> 00:50:06,197 Oh, hey! Hi, honey! 1336 00:50:06,231 --> 00:50:08,565 Could I get a glass of white wine, please? 1337 00:50:10,164 --> 00:50:11,865 - Ooh, hiya, handsome. - Hi! 1338 00:50:11,897 --> 00:50:13,731 - You look great. - Oh, come on. 1339 00:50:13,765 --> 00:50:15,431 - No, you do. - Thank you. 1340 00:50:15,465 --> 00:50:18,331 I'm just getting in the holiday spirit. 1341 00:50:18,365 --> 00:50:22,665 So what were you talking to Laird about for so long? 1342 00:50:22,698 --> 00:50:24,865 I got the entire Mayhew family saga. 1343 00:50:24,897 --> 00:50:26,265 Oh, God. I'm sorry. 1344 00:50:26,298 --> 00:50:29,431 No, no, turns out it was pretty interesting actually. 1345 00:50:29,465 --> 00:50:32,665 His mother was a secretary at one of these tech companies. 1346 00:50:32,698 --> 00:50:35,265 Can I interest you in a Kobe beef slider? 1347 00:50:35,298 --> 00:50:36,864 - Ooh, yum. - Real food? 1348 00:50:36,897 --> 00:50:38,864 Yes, I'm starving. 1349 00:50:38,897 --> 00:50:40,798 Wait, what? 1350 00:50:40,831 --> 00:50:42,265 Oh, God. 1351 00:50:42,298 --> 00:50:44,130 - Ma'am? Kobe squirt? - No, thanks. 1352 00:50:44,164 --> 00:50:45,930 Thank you. 1353 00:50:45,964 --> 00:50:47,398 It's actually pretty tasty. 1354 00:50:47,431 --> 00:50:50,531 Anyway, she saw all these young programmers getting rich. 1355 00:50:50,565 --> 00:50:53,097 So she basically forced Laird 1356 00:50:53,130 --> 00:50:57,498 to spend his entire childhood inside, learning computers. 1357 00:50:58,431 --> 00:51:01,365 I think that's kind of sad, right? 1358 00:51:11,830 --> 00:51:13,365 He ate it. Hmm. 1359 00:51:14,631 --> 00:51:16,164 He's an octopus. 1360 00:51:16,197 --> 00:51:18,130 That kid is wrapping his tentacles 1361 00:51:18,164 --> 00:51:19,997 around every member of this family. 1362 00:51:20,030 --> 00:51:21,431 He's manipulating you. 1363 00:51:21,465 --> 00:51:23,798 Darling, we need to bring this down a notch. 1364 00:51:23,830 --> 00:51:26,265 Okay? You think you're at war with Laird. 1365 00:51:26,298 --> 00:51:29,398 But he's not fighting. It's just you. 1366 00:51:29,431 --> 00:51:30,897 Come on, let's go meet his friends. 1367 00:51:30,930 --> 00:51:32,064 They look darling. 1368 00:51:32,097 --> 00:51:33,665 Oh, God. 1369 00:51:33,698 --> 00:51:36,797 Totally tanked porting the thin-client apps for the JDK build. 1370 00:51:36,830 --> 00:51:38,331 The fuck? So you had to rewrite all the code? 1371 00:51:38,365 --> 00:51:40,465 Mm-hmm. By myself. 1372 00:51:40,498 --> 00:51:42,930 - LAIRD: But did you do it? - Oh, you know I did! 1373 00:51:42,964 --> 00:51:44,398 Hey, there they are! Hi. 1374 00:51:44,431 --> 00:51:45,731 Looking like a babe. 1375 00:51:45,765 --> 00:51:46,897 Look who's looking sharp. 1376 00:51:46,930 --> 00:51:48,164 - Okay! - Hello! 1377 00:51:48,197 --> 00:51:50,565 Tyson, these are Stephanie's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Fleming. 1378 00:51:50,598 --> 00:51:52,897 Oh, no. Barb and Ned, please. 1379 00:51:52,930 --> 00:51:54,797 So it was fucked up, man. 1380 00:51:54,830 --> 00:51:56,365 It took me two weeks 1381 00:51:56,398 --> 00:51:58,064 on the J2EE database... (MOUTHING) 1382 00:51:58,097 --> 00:52:00,431 trying to get the interface to react with the server... 1383 00:52:00,465 --> 00:52:02,531 so I can get the containers up and running again. 1384 00:52:02,565 --> 00:52:07,130 I'm sorry. Tyson, what's a J2EE? 1385 00:52:07,164 --> 00:52:09,197 Java 2 Platform Enterprise Edition. 1386 00:52:09,231 --> 00:52:10,531 - Do you not write code? - Sorry. 1387 00:52:10,565 --> 00:52:12,064 - This guy's the worst. - Yeah. 1388 00:52:12,097 --> 00:52:14,431 I'm actually more of a personal relations kind of guy. 1389 00:52:14,465 --> 00:52:17,197 Like account management, client services. That kind of stuff. 1390 00:52:17,231 --> 00:52:18,830 Dude, this kid is fucking awesome. 1391 00:52:18,864 --> 00:52:22,731 Yes, Ned is grooming Scotty to take over our family business. 1392 00:52:22,764 --> 00:52:23,598 That's right. 1393 00:52:23,631 --> 00:52:25,398 We own a printing business in Michigan. 1394 00:52:25,431 --> 00:52:26,598 Really? I'm sure you're familiar 1395 00:52:26,631 --> 00:52:28,164 with those two siblings over there 1396 00:52:28,197 --> 00:52:29,797 since you're in the printing business. 1397 00:52:29,830 --> 00:52:32,531 Yo, brother-sister act! You gotta meet this guy. 1398 00:52:32,565 --> 00:52:33,398 Hello! 1399 00:52:33,431 --> 00:52:35,331 Hey! Blaine and Missy Pederman. 1400 00:52:35,365 --> 00:52:36,764 Hi, I'm Barb Fleming. 1401 00:52:36,797 --> 00:52:38,164 - This is my husband. - Ned. 1402 00:52:38,197 --> 00:52:40,665 I'm Scott Fleming. Nice to meet you. 1403 00:52:40,698 --> 00:52:42,465 I'm sorry, we were told we might know you, 1404 00:52:42,498 --> 00:52:43,797 but I'm afraid we don't. 1405 00:52:43,830 --> 00:52:46,631 Blaine and Missy started Stamp Free Invites. 1406 00:52:48,498 --> 00:52:50,498 Oh, okay. 1407 00:52:50,531 --> 00:52:51,730 Right. 1408 00:52:51,764 --> 00:52:52,665 What's up? 1409 00:52:52,698 --> 00:52:54,197 Did the server forget to send a reminder 1410 00:52:54,231 --> 00:52:56,197 for your birthday party or something? 1411 00:52:56,231 --> 00:52:59,398 No, he is actually in the printing business. 1412 00:53:00,064 --> 00:53:01,730 Oh, shit. Whoops. 1413 00:53:01,764 --> 00:53:02,730 No, no. 1414 00:53:02,764 --> 00:53:03,997 We didn't put you out of business or anything? 1415 00:53:04,030 --> 00:53:05,130 No. 1416 00:53:05,164 --> 00:53:07,431 - What? Ruin our business? - No, no. 1417 00:53:07,465 --> 00:53:09,298 We're doing quite well. Thank you. 1418 00:53:09,331 --> 00:53:10,398 Oh, that's great! 1419 00:53:10,431 --> 00:53:11,730 Good for you! Honestly, good for you. 1420 00:53:11,764 --> 00:53:13,565 We love little mom-and-pop printers. 1421 00:53:13,598 --> 00:53:15,930 So inspirational. So important. Mm-hmm. 1422 00:53:15,964 --> 00:53:17,431 My dad has more of a factory. 1423 00:53:17,465 --> 00:53:18,730 Not to brag, but we're a pretty big shop. 1424 00:53:18,764 --> 00:53:20,565 People need paper. They need something to write on. 1425 00:53:20,598 --> 00:53:22,531 They love the feel of that card stock in their hands. 1426 00:53:22,565 --> 00:53:23,398 Yeah. 1427 00:53:23,431 --> 00:53:25,398 MISSY: I've never heard anyone say that. 1428 00:53:25,431 --> 00:53:28,130 Hmm. We have not found that at all. 1429 00:53:28,164 --> 00:53:29,398 Yeah. Nope. 1430 00:53:29,431 --> 00:53:31,130 I think we come from two different worlds. 1431 00:53:31,164 --> 00:53:32,498 Yes, we do. 1432 00:53:32,531 --> 00:53:35,431 You better start learning code pretty fucking fast, dude. 1433 00:53:35,465 --> 00:53:36,930 Dude, Ned was crushing it 1434 00:53:36,964 --> 00:53:39,997 since before you two were fighting over your mother's titties. 1435 00:53:40,030 --> 00:53:41,465 BLAINE: Our mom didn't breastfeed us. 1436 00:53:41,498 --> 00:53:43,531 Laird, you know we had a wet nurse. 1437 00:53:43,565 --> 00:53:44,930 Oh, I can tell. 1438 00:53:44,964 --> 00:53:46,930 Boy, I'll tell you, I don't know what's going on. 1439 00:53:46,964 --> 00:53:47,997 I'm lost. 1440 00:53:48,030 --> 00:53:49,398 - I'm overwhelmed. - Yeah! Me, too. 1441 00:53:49,431 --> 00:53:51,398 There's bukkake floating all around me. 1442 00:53:51,431 --> 00:53:52,797 BARB: What? Hm? 1443 00:53:52,830 --> 00:53:53,997 What's bukkake? 1444 00:53:54,030 --> 00:53:55,197 Oh, Laird told me. 1445 00:53:55,231 --> 00:53:56,864 It means when you're overwhelmed 1446 00:53:56,897 --> 00:53:58,164 and you got too much going on. 1447 00:53:58,197 --> 00:53:59,864 - BARB: Oh, my gosh. - Can't figure things out. 1448 00:53:59,897 --> 00:54:02,431 Then, I'm drowning in bukkake at this point. 1449 00:54:02,465 --> 00:54:03,764 Okay, I'm gonna be real with you guys. 1450 00:54:03,797 --> 00:54:04,797 It means jizz on your face. 1451 00:54:06,164 --> 00:54:07,265 I'm sorry? 1452 00:54:07,298 --> 00:54:08,930 Bukkake means covered in jizz. 1453 00:54:08,964 --> 00:54:10,197 Tons of jizz, ejaculate. 1454 00:54:10,231 --> 00:54:11,864 Usually after a gang-bang. 1455 00:54:11,897 --> 00:54:13,130 Not as bad as it sounds. 1456 00:54:13,164 --> 00:54:14,465 TYSON: Yeah, post-gang-bang. 1457 00:54:14,498 --> 00:54:17,631 Or during. Depends if someone finishes early. 1458 00:54:17,664 --> 00:54:18,531 NED: What the heck? 1459 00:54:18,565 --> 00:54:19,930 I was trying to protect you, dude. 1460 00:54:19,964 --> 00:54:21,730 - Protect me? - LAIRD: Fucking Justine. 1461 00:54:21,764 --> 00:54:22,997 You mean embarrass me? 1462 00:54:23,030 --> 00:54:24,265 It was a really sensitive conversation. 1463 00:54:24,298 --> 00:54:25,331 I didn't want to start talking 1464 00:54:25,365 --> 00:54:26,465 about guys jerking off on each other. 1465 00:54:26,498 --> 00:54:27,997 NED: Why'd you tell me it was overwhelming? 1466 00:54:28,030 --> 00:54:29,265 Justine brought it up! 1467 00:54:29,298 --> 00:54:31,997 I hope this is an opportune time to show a video. 1468 00:54:32,030 --> 00:54:33,064 LAIRD: It's not. 1469 00:54:33,097 --> 00:54:34,398 - NED: Oh, God! - TYSON: Yeah. 1470 00:54:34,431 --> 00:54:36,265 Oh, and this is a teaching moment. 1471 00:54:36,298 --> 00:54:37,598 - Here's another. - NED: Oh, my God. 1472 00:54:37,630 --> 00:54:38,797 - STEPHANIE: No. Scotty. - NED: Don't look at that. 1473 00:54:38,830 --> 00:54:40,997 It's all good. You don't have to see this. 1474 00:54:41,030 --> 00:54:42,664 Is that you? 1475 00:54:46,064 --> 00:54:47,197 No. 1476 00:54:47,231 --> 00:54:48,630 LAIRD: Oh, my God. 1477 00:54:51,930 --> 00:54:53,630 (RAGE THE NIGHT AWAY PLAYING) 1478 00:54:55,197 --> 00:54:57,997 (CROWD CHEERING) 1479 00:54:58,030 --> 00:54:59,764 * We alive right now, now 1480 00:55:01,331 --> 00:55:03,197 * Let's get hot right now 1481 00:55:03,231 --> 00:55:05,164 * We don't give a damn about money 1482 00:55:05,197 --> 00:55:07,030 * We alive right now 1483 00:55:07,064 --> 00:55:09,030 * All we do is party, party 1484 00:55:09,064 --> 00:55:10,365 * And get hot right now 1485 00:55:13,531 --> 00:55:16,298 (SCREAMING) 1486 00:55:16,331 --> 00:55:17,764 Are you okay? 1487 00:55:18,298 --> 00:55:20,597 BOTH: Yeah! 1488 00:55:20,630 --> 00:55:22,265 Come on, Daddy. You're okay! 1489 00:55:22,298 --> 00:55:24,398 Okay, I just need to take a breather. One... 1490 00:55:26,030 --> 00:55:27,298 * Do it again... 1491 00:55:27,331 --> 00:55:29,030 * Lost my mind, I'm a lose it again 1492 00:55:29,064 --> 00:55:30,864 I love this kid. 1493 00:55:30,897 --> 00:55:33,164 Oh, my God! 1494 00:55:33,197 --> 00:55:34,597 * Rage, rage the night away 1495 00:55:34,630 --> 00:55:36,431 * Forget about the money I spent today 1496 00:55:36,465 --> 00:55:38,164 * Rage, rage the night away 1497 00:55:38,197 --> 00:55:42,064 DDT your ass. I love you, dawg. 1498 00:55:42,097 --> 00:55:44,231 * Forget about the money I spent today * 1499 00:55:44,630 --> 00:55:46,498 (CHEERING) 1500 00:55:46,531 --> 00:55:49,265 (SHOUTING) 1501 00:55:53,797 --> 00:55:55,498 (SCREAMING) 1502 00:56:01,797 --> 00:56:02,897 Hi, Pops. 1503 00:56:04,365 --> 00:56:05,964 - I just need some fresh air. - Can I come? 1504 00:56:14,630 --> 00:56:17,597 We've always been straight with each other, haven't we? 1505 00:56:17,630 --> 00:56:18,530 Yeah, of course. 1506 00:56:18,564 --> 00:56:19,930 Okay, I need to ask you a question. 1507 00:56:19,964 --> 00:56:21,164 And I mean this honestly. 1508 00:56:21,197 --> 00:56:22,664 Okay. What? 1509 00:56:22,697 --> 00:56:23,730 You're scaring me. 1510 00:56:23,764 --> 00:56:24,797 No. It's just... 1511 00:56:25,964 --> 00:56:26,964 What? 1512 00:56:28,030 --> 00:56:29,265 Why Laird? 1513 00:56:29,298 --> 00:56:30,864 - I mean, come on. - Oh, my God. 1514 00:56:30,897 --> 00:56:32,530 - Why? - (GROANS) Dad. 1515 00:56:32,564 --> 00:56:34,664 You are so smart and you're beautiful. 1516 00:56:34,697 --> 00:56:37,164 You could be dating anyone. Why? 1517 00:56:37,197 --> 00:56:38,730 - I don't get it. - You want the truth? 1518 00:56:38,764 --> 00:56:40,265 Yes. 1519 00:56:40,298 --> 00:56:42,365 He kind of reminds me of you. 1520 00:56:43,797 --> 00:56:44,797 What? 1521 00:56:45,930 --> 00:56:47,164 - Me? - Yes. 1522 00:56:47,197 --> 00:56:49,030 Okay, I need you to explain that one. 1523 00:56:49,064 --> 00:56:50,431 How? 1524 00:56:50,465 --> 00:56:52,697 You're both the most honest and authentic men that I know. 1525 00:56:52,730 --> 00:56:54,265 It comes out in totally different ways. 1526 00:56:54,298 --> 00:56:55,331 Oh, well... 1527 00:56:55,365 --> 00:56:56,797 Laird has literally no filter. 1528 00:56:56,830 --> 00:56:59,797 I don't know that to be true. Is that right? 1529 00:56:59,830 --> 00:57:01,331 - Okay. - Sorry. 1530 00:57:01,365 --> 00:57:03,530 Trying to help you out here. (SIGHS) 1531 00:57:03,564 --> 00:57:06,530 But I swear his heart is always in the right place. 1532 00:57:09,164 --> 00:57:10,930 He's a very good guy. 1533 00:57:11,964 --> 00:57:13,497 And I love him. 1534 00:57:18,331 --> 00:57:19,530 You love him? 1535 00:57:25,197 --> 00:57:26,630 (WHINES) What? 1536 00:57:27,298 --> 00:57:28,930 I'm processing. 1537 00:57:28,964 --> 00:57:30,231 We had the... Very funny, Dad. 1538 00:57:31,897 --> 00:57:33,764 Okay. Okay. 1539 00:57:34,365 --> 00:57:36,130 Just try to be cordial. 1540 00:57:36,164 --> 00:57:37,331 I will. I'll try. 1541 00:57:37,365 --> 00:57:39,197 - Okay? I'll try. - Try to what? 1542 00:57:39,231 --> 00:57:40,930 I'll try to just... 1543 00:57:42,197 --> 00:57:46,664 ...understand that person better. 1544 00:57:47,897 --> 00:57:49,464 (LAUGHS) 1545 00:57:49,497 --> 00:57:50,497 Come here. 1546 00:58:01,365 --> 00:58:02,430 Hey. 1547 00:58:04,164 --> 00:58:05,231 Hi. 1548 00:58:05,265 --> 00:58:08,365 (SIGHS) Long night. What are you doing? 1549 00:58:09,697 --> 00:58:11,231 Just chilling. 1550 00:58:12,064 --> 00:58:14,197 Barb, is that my shirt? 1551 00:58:14,231 --> 00:58:16,265 I don't know, is it? 1552 00:58:16,298 --> 00:58:17,830 Want me to take it off? 1553 00:58:17,864 --> 00:58:20,597 Would you, please? I only brought two dress shirts. 1554 00:58:20,630 --> 00:58:22,064 I really don't feel like ironing 1555 00:58:22,097 --> 00:58:23,664 while I'm on this trip. 1556 00:58:25,298 --> 00:58:27,231 (GROANS) I'm so exhausted. 1557 00:58:29,030 --> 00:58:30,197 Oh, yeah. 1558 00:58:30,231 --> 00:58:31,564 Take it off, baby. 1559 00:58:31,597 --> 00:58:35,265 Yeah! Take it off. Take off those shoes, girl. 1560 00:58:35,298 --> 00:58:38,597 Let me see those feet. I wanna see those feet! 1561 00:58:38,630 --> 00:58:40,197 Did you hit your head or something? 1562 00:58:40,231 --> 00:58:42,530 Yeah. Let me smell that shoe. 1563 00:58:42,564 --> 00:58:43,764 You don't wanna smell my shoe. 1564 00:58:43,797 --> 00:58:44,664 Yeah, I want feet! 1565 00:58:44,697 --> 00:58:46,997 I want those feet out of those socks. 1566 00:58:47,030 --> 00:58:48,397 Barb, what happened to you? 1567 00:58:48,430 --> 00:58:50,597 I am so stoned right now. 1568 00:58:50,630 --> 00:58:51,730 What? 1569 00:58:51,764 --> 00:58:53,930 Yeah, I am so baked. 1570 00:58:53,964 --> 00:58:55,664 I am like super baked. 1571 00:58:55,697 --> 00:58:58,130 Barb. What? Where did you? (LAUGHS) 1572 00:58:58,164 --> 00:59:00,797 I was very lonely after you guys left. 1573 00:59:00,830 --> 00:59:05,397 And I saw this guy, and he had a cigarette. 1574 00:59:05,430 --> 00:59:08,064 I thought it was one of those electronic cigarettes. 1575 00:59:08,097 --> 00:59:09,397 They're called E-cigs. 1576 00:59:09,430 --> 00:59:10,331 Yeah. 1577 00:59:10,364 --> 00:59:12,298 But turns out... 1578 00:59:12,331 --> 00:59:14,464 I was vaping. 1579 00:59:14,497 --> 00:59:15,664 What? 1580 00:59:15,697 --> 00:59:16,997 I was vaping. 1581 00:59:17,030 --> 00:59:18,331 What is that? 1582 00:59:18,364 --> 00:59:21,265 It's marijuana that comes out of some kind of machine. 1583 00:59:21,298 --> 00:59:23,130 - Keep your voice down! - Ned, it's legal. 1584 00:59:23,164 --> 00:59:26,164 Oh, this poor boy had it for sleep apnea. 1585 00:59:26,197 --> 00:59:29,130 - At his age? So sad. - I'm going to bed. That's it. 1586 00:59:29,164 --> 00:59:31,197 No, no, no. Wait! 1587 00:59:31,231 --> 00:59:32,397 - Barbara, I'm tired. - Wait a minute. (MUTTERS) 1588 00:59:32,430 --> 00:59:33,530 And I've got a headache. 1589 00:59:33,564 --> 00:59:35,664 - Let's play a little bit, huh? - No, no. 1590 00:59:35,697 --> 00:59:38,064 I'll give you one of my patented massages. 1591 00:59:38,097 --> 00:59:39,464 Barb. Let's take the Little Cheese 1592 00:59:39,497 --> 00:59:40,664 - out for a spin. - No, no, no. 1593 00:59:40,697 --> 00:59:42,265 - Come on, let me just see him. - Don't. 1594 00:59:42,298 --> 00:59:43,997 - I just want to see him. - Don't call him that. 1595 00:59:44,030 --> 00:59:45,197 Please. Come on. 1596 00:59:45,231 --> 00:59:46,464 Oh, my God! 1597 00:59:46,497 --> 00:59:49,064 You used to love getting high and fooling around. 1598 00:59:49,097 --> 00:59:50,530 What? Barb! No, Barb. 1599 00:59:50,564 --> 00:59:52,330 - We're on vacation! - But someone could walk... 1600 00:59:52,364 --> 00:59:54,030 There's no locks on the door! 1601 00:59:54,064 --> 00:59:55,130 What? 1602 00:59:55,164 --> 00:59:58,064 Justine! Do you have any Kiss? 1603 00:59:58,097 --> 00:59:59,664 JUSTINE: Oh, hell yeah! 1604 00:59:59,697 --> 01:00:01,265 - Are you kids gonna do it? - Yes. 1605 01:00:01,297 --> 01:00:03,530 - NED: No. - We're doing it already. 1606 01:00:03,564 --> 01:00:05,130 - We're doing it right now. - Barb! 1607 01:00:05,164 --> 01:00:06,464 I'm doing it with my feet. One foot. 1608 01:00:06,497 --> 01:00:08,897 That's Kiss! Honey, you love Kiss! 1609 01:00:08,930 --> 01:00:10,330 But not right now. 1610 01:00:10,364 --> 01:00:13,030 (I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN' YOU PLAYING) 1611 01:00:13,064 --> 01:00:16,897 * Ned was made for loving Barb * 1612 01:00:16,930 --> 01:00:18,030 Yell! 1613 01:00:18,064 --> 01:00:21,497 (GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY) 1614 01:00:22,764 --> 01:00:24,297 Yeah. Yeah. 1615 01:00:24,330 --> 01:00:25,597 Look what I learned at the party. 1616 01:00:25,630 --> 01:00:26,797 What? 1617 01:00:26,830 --> 01:00:28,664 There was this real cute girl, and she was going like this. 1618 01:00:28,697 --> 01:00:30,464 (EXCLAIMING) 1619 01:00:30,497 --> 01:00:32,430 She was doing this cute, new dance. 1620 01:00:32,464 --> 01:00:34,297 You're gonna throw your back out. 1621 01:00:34,330 --> 01:00:36,130 I'm not gonna throw my... 1622 01:00:36,164 --> 01:00:37,330 I'll throw you out. 1623 01:00:37,364 --> 01:00:39,130 - Let me get on you. - Wait, do you smell that? 1624 01:00:39,164 --> 01:00:40,930 - I'm putting him in. - What is that scent? 1625 01:00:40,964 --> 01:00:42,164 There. Oh, it's in. 1626 01:00:42,197 --> 01:00:44,130 (MOANING) 1627 01:00:44,164 --> 01:00:45,997 - What is that? - (GASPS) Oh, my God. 1628 01:00:46,030 --> 01:00:47,197 Oh, my God! 1629 01:00:47,231 --> 01:00:50,264 Is that Indian Summer by Priscilla Presley? 1630 01:00:50,297 --> 01:00:52,564 I used to wear that perfume in the 90s. 1631 01:00:52,597 --> 01:00:54,564 JUSTINE: Yup, pumping some in. 1632 01:00:54,597 --> 01:00:57,464 I saw you mentioned it on your college reunion's Facebook page. 1633 01:00:57,497 --> 01:00:59,297 I know what you like, Ned. 1634 01:00:59,330 --> 01:01:01,330 Oh, I know you do, dawg. 1635 01:01:01,364 --> 01:01:03,864 Yeah, get in there. Get it! 1636 01:01:03,897 --> 01:01:05,397 - Barb! - Get you some! 1637 01:01:05,430 --> 01:01:07,330 - Get it! Good. Oh, that's... - Okay. 1638 01:01:07,364 --> 01:01:08,797 Yeah. You're almost in there. 1639 01:01:08,830 --> 01:01:11,030 No, you're, like, six inches away from it. 1640 01:01:11,064 --> 01:01:13,397 Get in there. Yeah, that's the spirit. 1641 01:01:13,430 --> 01:01:15,130 - Barb. - Oh! Yeah! 1642 01:01:15,164 --> 01:01:16,297 - Barb! - That's good. 1643 01:01:16,330 --> 01:01:18,264 Oh, that's good. You're getting into it now. 1644 01:01:18,297 --> 01:01:19,530 - That's it! - (SQUEALS) No! 1645 01:01:19,564 --> 01:01:21,930 - No, no! - Take me! Yes! Take me! 1646 01:01:21,964 --> 01:01:23,197 - I'm not... - Take me. 1647 01:01:23,230 --> 01:01:25,064 I'm taking you right to bed. That's what I'm doing. 1648 01:01:25,097 --> 01:01:26,330 (SQUEALING) Here you go. Yes. 1649 01:01:26,364 --> 01:01:27,530 No, I wanna do sex. 1650 01:01:27,564 --> 01:01:29,064 We are not gonna do sex. No, honey. 1651 01:01:29,097 --> 01:01:30,264 But I want to. 1652 01:01:30,297 --> 01:01:31,730 Justine, turn all the music off please... 1653 01:01:31,764 --> 01:01:32,764 I wanna do it. 1654 01:01:32,797 --> 01:01:34,330 ...and leave us alone for the rest of the night. 1655 01:01:34,364 --> 01:01:35,864 It's gonna be full penetration! 1656 01:01:35,897 --> 01:01:37,264 NED: Would you stop! 1657 01:01:37,297 --> 01:01:39,597 (SIGHS, SNIFFLES) 1658 01:01:41,130 --> 01:01:43,397 JUSTINE: Psst... Hey, girl. 1659 01:01:43,430 --> 01:01:44,930 Fifth button from the right. 1660 01:01:46,064 --> 01:01:47,664 You'll thank me later. 1661 01:01:55,330 --> 01:01:56,764 (NOZZLE HISSING) 1662 01:02:01,564 --> 01:02:02,697 * Mama, won't you please let me 1663 01:02:02,730 --> 01:02:03,997 Mama, won't you please let me 1664 01:02:04,030 --> 01:02:05,297 Mmm... 1665 01:02:05,330 --> 01:02:06,530 * Mama, won't you please let me 1666 01:02:16,297 --> 01:02:18,530 * Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1667 01:02:18,564 --> 01:02:21,163 * Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump 1668 01:02:21,196 --> 01:02:23,530 * Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1669 01:02:23,564 --> 01:02:26,130 * Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump 1670 01:02:26,163 --> 01:02:28,530 * Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1671 01:02:28,564 --> 01:02:30,830 * Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump 1672 01:02:30,864 --> 01:02:33,397 * Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1673 01:02:33,430 --> 01:02:35,897 * Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump * 1674 01:02:37,630 --> 01:02:40,797 (CALLING) 1675 01:02:44,030 --> 01:02:45,397 There we go, girls. 1676 01:02:55,030 --> 01:02:56,364 (CONTINUES CALLING) 1677 01:03:02,064 --> 01:03:03,630 (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) 1678 01:03:21,697 --> 01:03:22,697 Oh! 1679 01:03:23,664 --> 01:03:24,864 Okay. You all right? 1680 01:03:24,897 --> 01:03:26,597 Yeah. Oh, man. 1681 01:03:26,630 --> 01:03:27,597 That's it. 1682 01:03:27,630 --> 01:03:28,997 Dude, I thought I was gonna make it. 1683 01:03:29,030 --> 01:03:30,630 I know. You almost did, but... 1684 01:03:31,297 --> 01:03:32,664 Very good evasive parkour. 1685 01:03:32,697 --> 01:03:34,730 Yes, but the last move you ate shit. 1686 01:03:34,764 --> 01:03:35,997 I know. (GUSTAV LAUGHS) 1687 01:03:36,030 --> 01:03:37,196 GUSTAV: I'll put you on the table later 1688 01:03:37,230 --> 01:03:38,630 and we'll do a little adjustment. 1689 01:03:51,497 --> 01:03:53,163 Ah! 1690 01:03:53,196 --> 01:03:56,530 Christmas tree shopping with the Big Cheese. 1691 01:03:56,564 --> 01:03:58,997 Ned, you don't know how excited I am about this. 1692 01:03:59,030 --> 01:04:00,930 I don't know if I ever mentioned this, 1693 01:04:00,964 --> 01:04:03,297 but I never had a father to do this kind of stuff with. 1694 01:04:03,330 --> 01:04:05,764 I'm glad we're getting a chance to hang out. 1695 01:04:06,797 --> 01:04:07,830 That's nice. 1696 01:04:09,030 --> 01:04:11,664 Uh, it's not getting me hard. 1697 01:04:11,697 --> 01:04:14,364 You need an erection to buy a Christmas tree? 1698 01:04:14,830 --> 01:04:16,030 Helps. 1699 01:04:16,063 --> 01:04:17,564 (CHUCKLES) 1700 01:04:17,597 --> 01:04:19,129 I wanna get to know you better. 1701 01:04:19,163 --> 01:04:20,564 I mean, you're so perfect. 1702 01:04:20,597 --> 01:04:23,630 Seriously, did you always have your shit together? 1703 01:04:23,664 --> 01:04:24,530 Oh, heck no. 1704 01:04:24,564 --> 01:04:26,564 I got fired selling Datsuns. 1705 01:04:28,430 --> 01:04:30,930 How'd you fuck up selling little dogs? 1706 01:04:32,063 --> 01:04:34,264 No. Datsuns. 1707 01:04:34,797 --> 01:04:35,864 What's that? 1708 01:04:35,897 --> 01:04:37,129 It's a car. Doesn't matter. 1709 01:04:37,163 --> 01:04:38,664 It doesn't exist anymore. 1710 01:04:38,697 --> 01:04:40,597 But you're still here. 1711 01:04:40,630 --> 01:04:41,597 (SCOFFS) 1712 01:04:41,630 --> 01:04:44,864 You ever get nervous about shifting tides? 1713 01:04:44,897 --> 01:04:48,864 Well, you know, every business has its ups and downs. 1714 01:04:48,897 --> 01:04:50,464 Yeah, I know it, bro. 1715 01:04:50,497 --> 01:04:53,264 Guerrilla Gang, it's been struggling a little bit. 1716 01:04:53,897 --> 01:04:55,264 Really? 1717 01:04:55,297 --> 01:04:57,764 Yeah, it's just a fucking tough landscape, dude. 1718 01:04:59,364 --> 01:05:01,697 What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 1719 01:05:02,897 --> 01:05:05,196 Whoa. (EXHALES) 1720 01:05:05,230 --> 01:05:07,764 Chills. Did you come up with that? 1721 01:05:08,930 --> 01:05:10,397 No, Laird. 1722 01:05:12,530 --> 01:05:13,530 Whoa, whoa. 1723 01:05:14,830 --> 01:05:16,464 There she blows, Ned. 1724 01:05:16,497 --> 01:05:18,330 It's our motherfucking tree. 1725 01:05:18,364 --> 01:05:21,264 Why not? It'll look great opposite your moose. 1726 01:05:21,297 --> 01:05:23,564 Ned, Ned. Not that one. 1727 01:05:24,897 --> 01:05:26,230 That one. 1728 01:05:29,230 --> 01:05:31,129 Oh, no. See, Laird... 1729 01:05:31,163 --> 01:05:32,764 that doesn't belong to this lot. 1730 01:05:32,797 --> 01:05:33,897 See, it's owned by... 1731 01:05:33,930 --> 01:05:35,897 - Wet games? - Wewt Games. 1732 01:05:35,930 --> 01:05:37,129 Like, 'woot-woot'. 1733 01:05:37,163 --> 01:05:38,664 I know those dudes. They're dicks. 1734 01:05:38,697 --> 01:05:40,464 Tried to rip off Ape Assassins. 1735 01:05:40,497 --> 01:05:42,996 Plus, it's the first Christmas with the family, dude. 1736 01:05:43,029 --> 01:05:44,129 Gotta do it right. 1737 01:05:44,163 --> 01:05:45,364 Hey, buddy. 1738 01:05:45,397 --> 01:05:46,264 Yeah. 1739 01:05:46,297 --> 01:05:47,864 Can I borrow that chainsaw? 1740 01:05:47,897 --> 01:05:48,897 Are you serious? 1741 01:05:49,630 --> 01:05:50,630 Yeah. 1742 01:05:51,297 --> 01:05:53,397 (GRUNTING) Fucking... 1743 01:05:53,963 --> 01:05:55,230 Come on. 1744 01:05:56,797 --> 01:05:57,996 Will you hurry up? 1745 01:05:58,029 --> 01:05:59,530 I'm trying. 1746 01:05:59,564 --> 01:06:02,129 Come on, guy. I need my chainsaw back. 1747 01:06:02,163 --> 01:06:03,530 Just give me a second. 1748 01:06:03,564 --> 01:06:05,029 Should we call an ambulance now, 1749 01:06:05,063 --> 01:06:06,530 or wait till he loses a finger? 1750 01:06:08,330 --> 01:06:09,630 Can I borrow those? 1751 01:06:10,630 --> 01:06:11,764 Have at it. 1752 01:06:12,364 --> 01:06:13,929 Okay. Laird just... 1753 01:06:13,963 --> 01:06:15,029 Okay. 1754 01:06:15,063 --> 01:06:16,129 Hand it over? 1755 01:06:16,163 --> 01:06:17,364 - You sure, Ned? - Yup. 1756 01:06:22,830 --> 01:06:24,996 (MOTOR STARTS) Oh! 1757 01:06:25,029 --> 01:06:26,897 Total fucking Dad move! 1758 01:06:28,697 --> 01:06:31,497 (ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE PLAYING) 1759 01:06:39,029 --> 01:06:42,664 (MOUTHING) Oh, shit! 1760 01:06:42,697 --> 01:06:45,830 * You keep on dancing and the room gets hot 1761 01:06:45,864 --> 01:06:49,430 * You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy 1762 01:06:52,096 --> 01:06:56,497 * I wanna rock and roll all night... 1763 01:06:57,564 --> 01:06:59,364 Love Kiss! 1764 01:07:00,830 --> 01:07:02,264 Kiss, baby! 1765 01:07:02,297 --> 01:07:03,730 These guys are awesome! 1766 01:07:03,764 --> 01:07:06,597 Stephanie and I do karaoke to Kiss all the time. 1767 01:07:06,630 --> 01:07:08,664 Dude, I know, that's why I put it on! 1768 01:07:08,697 --> 01:07:10,863 And we do a pretty good job, too, 1769 01:07:10,896 --> 01:07:12,430 - if I might say so. - Oh, man. 1770 01:07:12,464 --> 01:07:14,364 - That's cute. - Yeah. 1771 01:07:14,896 --> 01:07:15,996 (SIGHS) 1772 01:07:16,029 --> 01:07:18,464 Listen, Laird, I've been thinking about 1773 01:07:18,497 --> 01:07:20,297 our teepee talk yesterday. 1774 01:07:20,330 --> 01:07:21,797 Oh, dude, me too. 1775 01:07:21,830 --> 01:07:24,029 I've got so many ideas for the proposal. 1776 01:07:24,063 --> 01:07:25,830 - No. - No. Ned, hear me out. 1777 01:07:25,863 --> 01:07:28,297 I was thinking about getting the Goodyear blimp, 1778 01:07:28,330 --> 01:07:29,630 releasing a thousand doves. 1779 01:07:29,664 --> 01:07:30,597 No. Wait. 1780 01:07:30,630 --> 01:07:32,129 Laird, just hold on a second, okay? 1781 01:07:32,163 --> 01:07:33,564 - Slow down. - Okay. 1782 01:07:33,597 --> 01:07:37,129 Look, I get it that Stephanie really likes you. 1783 01:07:37,163 --> 01:07:38,863 But... Uh-huh. 1784 01:07:38,896 --> 01:07:40,730 - Look. Man to man. - Yeah. 1785 01:07:40,764 --> 01:07:43,330 Now is not the time. 1786 01:07:43,364 --> 01:07:46,730 Dude, Ned, I thought we were getting past all that. 1787 01:07:46,764 --> 01:07:48,129 No, it's not me. 1788 01:07:48,163 --> 01:07:49,630 It's all about Stephanie. 1789 01:07:49,664 --> 01:07:50,730 - Stephanie? - Yes. 1790 01:07:50,764 --> 01:07:51,764 I don't know, dude. 1791 01:07:51,797 --> 01:07:54,996 These last few semesters are gonna be so intense. 1792 01:07:55,029 --> 01:07:56,464 And then there's graduation, 1793 01:07:56,497 --> 01:07:58,029 and she'll be looking for a job. 1794 01:07:58,063 --> 01:07:59,564 And who knows where that will take her. 1795 01:07:59,597 --> 01:08:01,330 - It's just... - All right, Ned... 1796 01:08:01,364 --> 01:08:02,564 I wasn't supposed to tell you this, 1797 01:08:02,597 --> 01:08:04,564 but I just wanna put your mind at ease. 1798 01:08:05,963 --> 01:08:09,230 Stephanie is not going back to school next semester. 1799 01:08:10,764 --> 01:08:11,863 What? 1800 01:08:11,896 --> 01:08:15,996 Dude, I know you're probably shocked, but do not worry. 1801 01:08:16,029 --> 01:08:17,829 She's already got this awesome job 1802 01:08:17,863 --> 01:08:19,630 lined up at this non-profit. 1803 01:08:19,664 --> 01:08:20,530 (STAMMERS) 1804 01:08:20,564 --> 01:08:23,863 What organization is that exactly? 1805 01:08:23,896 --> 01:08:27,796 She's going to be president of the Laird Mayhew Foundation. 1806 01:08:32,697 --> 01:08:34,297 That's me. 1807 01:08:35,764 --> 01:08:37,129 Stephanie! 1808 01:08:37,163 --> 01:08:38,330 Barb? 1809 01:08:38,364 --> 01:08:40,929 Everybody upstairs right now, family meeting! 1810 01:08:40,963 --> 01:08:42,796 JUSTINE: Ned, would you like me to schedule a meeting? 1811 01:08:42,829 --> 01:08:43,863 Oh, fuck off! 1812 01:08:43,896 --> 01:08:44,896 Just trying to help. 1813 01:08:44,929 --> 01:08:46,530 You don't always have to be such an asshole. 1814 01:08:46,564 --> 01:08:48,297 Yes, I do! 1815 01:08:48,330 --> 01:08:50,297 - Dad. - You are so dead. 1816 01:08:50,330 --> 01:08:52,996 Shut up. Of course I was going to tell you. 1817 01:08:53,029 --> 01:08:54,530 I told Mom yesterday at the mall. 1818 01:08:54,564 --> 01:08:56,564 I was just waiting for the right time to bring it up 1819 01:08:56,597 --> 01:08:58,029 - and that hasn't happened. - Wait a minute. 1820 01:08:58,063 --> 01:08:59,196 You knew? 1821 01:08:59,230 --> 01:09:03,264 Honestly, honey, we thought you might freak out. 1822 01:09:03,297 --> 01:09:05,264 So we decided to wait until 1823 01:09:05,297 --> 01:09:07,597 after Christmas to bring it up. 1824 01:09:07,630 --> 01:09:09,929 But, okay, he told you about the foundation, right? 1825 01:09:09,963 --> 01:09:11,664 - Yes. - Yes, okay. 1826 01:09:11,697 --> 01:09:13,163 This is a big part of why I wanted you 1827 01:09:13,196 --> 01:09:15,929 to come out here and meet Laird. 1828 01:09:15,963 --> 01:09:19,929 Stephanie, even if he wasn't this abject lunatic, 1829 01:09:19,963 --> 01:09:21,129 which he is, 1830 01:09:21,163 --> 01:09:24,196 I still wouldn't understand why. 1831 01:09:24,230 --> 01:09:25,863 You've only got a few semesters left 1832 01:09:25,896 --> 01:09:27,129 before you graduate. 1833 01:09:27,163 --> 01:09:29,029 Why would you just throw that away? 1834 01:09:29,063 --> 01:09:30,297 I'm not throwing anything away, Dad. 1835 01:09:30,330 --> 01:09:31,430 The year I spent in Central America 1836 01:09:31,464 --> 01:09:33,729 doing this kind of work, 1837 01:09:33,763 --> 01:09:37,464 I know you think that I'm making some rash decision 1838 01:09:37,497 --> 01:09:38,397 and I'm not. 1839 01:09:38,430 --> 01:09:41,029 We've spent months figuring it out. 1840 01:09:41,063 --> 01:09:42,297 All the months 1841 01:09:42,330 --> 01:09:44,729 where you didn't even tell us you had a boyfriend. 1842 01:09:44,763 --> 01:09:46,063 All those months? 1843 01:09:46,096 --> 01:09:47,530 Darling... 1844 01:09:47,564 --> 01:09:49,297 I think you should hear her out 1845 01:09:49,330 --> 01:09:51,863 because it actually sounds very interesting. 1846 01:09:51,896 --> 01:09:52,796 Does it? 1847 01:09:52,829 --> 01:09:54,996 STEPHANIE: Are you willing to listen to me? 1848 01:09:55,029 --> 01:09:56,664 Give it your best shot. 1849 01:09:56,696 --> 01:09:59,564 The plan is to focus on women's health 1850 01:09:59,597 --> 01:10:01,397 as a function of environmental change in the Third World. 1851 01:10:01,430 --> 01:10:02,464 - Right. - All right. 1852 01:10:02,497 --> 01:10:03,597 And when all that goes belly-up, 1853 01:10:03,630 --> 01:10:04,996 you know what you're left with? 1854 01:10:05,029 --> 01:10:07,129 - What? - Being a college dropout. 1855 01:10:07,163 --> 01:10:08,896 - That's it. - You don't get it. 1856 01:10:08,929 --> 01:10:10,029 Oh, I don't get it? 1857 01:10:10,063 --> 01:10:12,029 No, you just, like, don't get it at all. 1858 01:10:12,063 --> 01:10:13,664 Oh. What is that? 1859 01:10:15,029 --> 01:10:16,264 It's a tattoo. 1860 01:10:16,297 --> 01:10:17,664 With his name? You got a tattoo? 1861 01:10:17,696 --> 01:10:19,996 You've marked your body with his name on it. 1862 01:10:20,029 --> 01:10:21,196 Look at that, Barb! 1863 01:10:21,230 --> 01:10:22,863 Oh, no. 1864 01:10:22,896 --> 01:10:24,597 That is so cute. 1865 01:10:24,630 --> 01:10:25,829 SCOTTY: Let me see. I wanna see. 1866 01:10:25,863 --> 01:10:28,063 Laird's been telling me I should get a neck tat. 1867 01:10:28,096 --> 01:10:29,397 I see what Laird is doing here. 1868 01:10:29,430 --> 01:10:31,397 I see what he's doing. (CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY) 1869 01:10:31,430 --> 01:10:34,796 He is trying to put his imprint on this entire family. 1870 01:10:34,829 --> 01:10:38,264 And that is why we've got all these secrets now. 1871 01:10:38,297 --> 01:10:39,696 And it's all because of him! 1872 01:10:39,729 --> 01:10:41,729 Why do you have such a big problem with Laird? 1873 01:10:41,763 --> 01:10:43,929 - Great question. You know why? - Why? 1874 01:10:43,963 --> 01:10:45,996 Because of his influence, 1875 01:10:46,029 --> 01:10:47,430 you drop out of college. 1876 01:10:47,464 --> 01:10:49,929 Because of his influence, you get a "too." 1877 01:10:49,963 --> 01:10:51,063 Dad, I think you mean "tat." 1878 01:10:51,096 --> 01:10:52,129 You definitely mean "tat." 1879 01:10:52,163 --> 01:10:53,264 - I mean "tat?" - It's not a "too?" 1880 01:10:53,297 --> 01:10:54,397 - "Tat." No, it's not a "too." - No. 1881 01:10:54,430 --> 01:10:56,129 No, I saw it on Geraldo. 1882 01:10:56,163 --> 01:10:57,863 - They call them "toos," okay? - Okay. 1883 01:10:57,896 --> 01:11:00,264 This is what's going to be your downward spiral. 1884 01:11:00,297 --> 01:11:02,063 First you get a tattoo, 1885 01:11:02,096 --> 01:11:03,896 then you start vaporizing. 1886 01:11:03,929 --> 01:11:05,530 - What? - NED: You're vaporizing. 1887 01:11:05,564 --> 01:11:07,264 STEPHANIE: What are you talking about? 1888 01:11:07,297 --> 01:11:10,397 When you have... It's an e-cigarette. 1889 01:11:10,430 --> 01:11:13,264 But instead of tobacco or a fake tobacco, 1890 01:11:13,297 --> 01:11:15,129 no, you have marijuana in that e-cigarette. 1891 01:11:15,163 --> 01:11:16,464 - Dad, I know what it is. - Yeah. 1892 01:11:16,497 --> 01:11:18,129 How do you know what it is? 1893 01:11:18,163 --> 01:11:21,129 Because I've been around. Haven't I? 1894 01:11:21,163 --> 01:11:22,863 (STUTTERS) 1895 01:11:22,896 --> 01:11:24,029 Mm-hmm. 1896 01:11:24,063 --> 01:11:25,763 Then you go from there to heroin. 1897 01:11:25,796 --> 01:11:26,729 Mm-hmm, that's right. 1898 01:11:26,763 --> 01:11:29,163 After that, after you get hooked on drugs, 1899 01:11:29,196 --> 01:11:30,464 you know what happens next? 1900 01:11:30,497 --> 01:11:31,364 What? 1901 01:11:31,397 --> 01:11:32,597 You'll become a hooker, a prostitute... 1902 01:11:32,629 --> 01:11:33,597 a pimp's bitch. 1903 01:11:33,629 --> 01:11:35,663 That's what's going to happen to you. 1904 01:11:35,696 --> 01:11:36,996 I see it very clearly. 1905 01:11:37,029 --> 01:11:39,530 Oh, my... How long do I have? 1906 01:11:39,564 --> 01:11:41,596 I'm glad you asked. Not long. 1907 01:11:41,629 --> 01:11:44,796 You keep going down this path, at this rate, not long. 1908 01:11:44,829 --> 01:11:47,763 You're clearly not in a place to listen to me right now. 1909 01:11:47,796 --> 01:11:48,696 So I'm gonna go. 1910 01:11:48,729 --> 01:11:50,264 Thank you, Pops, for the guidance. 1911 01:11:50,297 --> 01:11:51,629 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 1912 01:12:27,096 --> 01:12:29,297 (BAD MOTHER FU* ER PLAYING) 1913 01:12:37,230 --> 01:12:40,397 * When the line froze, what did I see? 1914 01:12:40,430 --> 01:12:42,996 * A bad mother fucker standing next to me 1915 01:12:43,029 --> 01:12:44,230 Boom! 1916 01:12:44,796 --> 01:12:46,364 (EXCLAIMING) 1917 01:12:48,163 --> 01:12:50,529 * Be free like a bird so today I'ma fly 1918 01:12:50,563 --> 01:12:53,364 * Bad, bad motherfucker 'til the day I die * 1919 01:12:54,497 --> 01:12:56,264 Boss, let me get this straight. 1920 01:12:56,297 --> 01:12:57,397 You want me to hack into 1921 01:12:57,430 --> 01:12:59,397 Stephanie's boyfriend's computer 1922 01:12:59,430 --> 01:13:01,163 and find out if there's any record 1923 01:13:01,196 --> 01:13:02,863 of him starting a foundation? 1924 01:13:02,896 --> 01:13:03,996 Yes, I do. 1925 01:13:04,029 --> 01:13:06,029 Listen, Kevin, you are my IT guy. 1926 01:13:06,063 --> 01:13:07,330 I've got nowhere else to turn. 1927 01:13:07,364 --> 01:13:09,696 You know I've always thought so highly of Stephanie. 1928 01:13:09,729 --> 01:13:12,297 Yeah, she thinks a lot about you. 1929 01:13:12,330 --> 01:13:14,330 Really? Oh, yeah. 1930 01:13:14,364 --> 01:13:16,264 - That's so crazy. - Now, listen. 1931 01:13:16,297 --> 01:13:17,596 I know that this character has money, 1932 01:13:17,629 --> 01:13:19,529 but there's something about this whole foundation 1933 01:13:19,563 --> 01:13:20,929 that sounds like a bunch of hooey. 1934 01:13:20,963 --> 01:13:24,596 If this guy's running hooey, then I'm gonna find out. 1935 01:13:24,629 --> 01:13:26,029 Okay, first thing's first, Ned, 1936 01:13:26,063 --> 01:13:27,596 you have to break into his computer 1937 01:13:27,629 --> 01:13:30,629 and download a program that I'm gonna send you. 1938 01:13:30,663 --> 01:13:31,896 That's hacking? 1939 01:13:34,330 --> 01:13:36,629 I took a shower, washing every body part... 1940 01:13:38,029 --> 01:13:39,896 Yeah, okay. I'm getting online. 1941 01:13:40,663 --> 01:13:41,529 (KEVIN GRUNTS) 1942 01:13:41,563 --> 01:13:43,563 - Kevin, what are you doing? - Huh, baby? 1943 01:13:43,596 --> 01:13:46,063 Oh, I'm helping Ned with something IT-related. 1944 01:13:46,096 --> 01:13:47,596 Oh, tell Ned I said hi. 1945 01:13:47,629 --> 01:13:49,330 Okay. 1946 01:13:49,364 --> 01:13:50,663 KEVIN: All right, web-cam’s on. 1947 01:13:51,963 --> 01:13:53,330 (WHISPERS) Okay, I'm in the office. 1948 01:13:53,364 --> 01:13:55,430 All right, now get in front of the computer. 1949 01:13:55,463 --> 01:13:58,563 All right, good. Press the spacebar. 1950 01:13:59,696 --> 01:14:01,996 Oh, darn. It's asking for a password. 1951 01:14:02,029 --> 01:14:03,796 No surprise. 1952 01:14:03,829 --> 01:14:07,397 A lot of guys have passwords related to their girlfriends or their wives. 1953 01:14:07,430 --> 01:14:10,397 Kevin, you're a genius. That's what I have! 1954 01:14:10,430 --> 01:14:14,096 It's "Barbsguy1989." The year we were married. 1955 01:14:14,129 --> 01:14:16,829 The younger generation tends to go a little bit racier. 1956 01:14:16,863 --> 01:14:18,896 I'm gonna get into some sensitive areas here, 1957 01:14:18,929 --> 01:14:20,196 so just bear with me. 1958 01:14:20,230 --> 01:14:23,729 We need to focus on Stephanie's more defining qualities 1959 01:14:23,763 --> 01:14:25,596 that this guy might latch onto. 1960 01:14:25,629 --> 01:14:27,129 Do you understand what I'm saying? 1961 01:14:27,163 --> 01:14:28,996 Would you just get to it? 1962 01:14:29,029 --> 01:14:31,029 For example, like, would you say... 1963 01:14:31,063 --> 01:14:33,230 Stephanie has perky breasts? 1964 01:14:34,763 --> 01:14:35,996 - What? - Okay. 1965 01:14:36,029 --> 01:14:37,663 I would say yes, because she does. 1966 01:14:37,696 --> 01:14:40,596 Please try "Stephanie's boobs" one word, no caps. 1967 01:14:40,629 --> 01:14:41,529 I'm her dad! 1968 01:14:41,563 --> 01:14:43,397 I understand that you're her dad, 1969 01:14:43,429 --> 01:14:45,463 but you gotta think like him. 1970 01:14:45,496 --> 01:14:46,496 Okay? 1971 01:14:52,397 --> 01:14:53,330 No. 1972 01:14:53,364 --> 01:14:55,063 We're gonna have to kick it up a notch. 1973 01:14:55,096 --> 01:14:57,297 You said that this guy was edgy? 1974 01:14:57,330 --> 01:14:59,996 Please try "Stephanie's tight ass." 1975 01:15:00,029 --> 01:15:01,230 Give that a whirl. 1976 01:15:02,096 --> 01:15:04,196 Are you messing with me, Dingle? 1977 01:15:04,230 --> 01:15:06,264 I wish I was messing with you. 1978 01:15:06,297 --> 01:15:07,563 I'm trying to help you, Ned. 1979 01:15:07,596 --> 01:15:10,063 Make the two "S's" dollar signs in "ass." 1980 01:15:10,096 --> 01:15:11,330 God! 1981 01:15:11,364 --> 01:15:13,863 I am going straight to hell just for typing this. 1982 01:15:13,896 --> 01:15:15,663 Tight ass. 1983 01:15:16,829 --> 01:15:18,396 - No. - Hey, guys? 1984 01:15:18,429 --> 01:15:20,196 Do you wanna raise the volume on the movie? 1985 01:15:20,230 --> 01:15:21,596 GIRL: Okay. 1986 01:15:21,629 --> 01:15:24,529 Okay. I'm just gonna list some off, you type them in. 1987 01:15:24,563 --> 01:15:27,029 All right, try "Stephanie's sweet slit." 1988 01:15:27,063 --> 01:15:29,163 I am not writing that! 1989 01:15:29,196 --> 01:15:31,063 Okay, "Stephanie's pink canoe." 1990 01:15:31,096 --> 01:15:32,196 No! 1991 01:15:32,230 --> 01:15:33,563 Listen, this isn't fun for me. 1992 01:15:37,563 --> 01:15:39,129 - Oh, my God. - What is it? 1993 01:15:39,163 --> 01:15:40,596 It's the password! 1994 01:15:40,629 --> 01:15:42,729 The one piece of paper in the entire house. 1995 01:15:42,763 --> 01:15:44,297 - What does it say? - I'm gonna log it in. 1996 01:15:44,330 --> 01:15:46,663 "Stephanie's dude." 1997 01:15:47,763 --> 01:15:49,796 Aw, that's actually sweet. 1998 01:15:49,829 --> 01:15:51,063 "2016." 1999 01:15:51,096 --> 01:15:52,196 Boom! We're in. 2000 01:15:52,230 --> 01:15:53,330 Oh, gosh! 2001 01:15:53,363 --> 01:15:54,529 What? What is it? 2002 01:15:54,563 --> 01:15:56,863 It's a nude photograph of Stephanie. 2003 01:15:56,896 --> 01:15:58,629 - May I see it, please? - No. 2004 01:15:58,663 --> 01:15:59,763 May I please see it? 2005 01:15:59,796 --> 01:16:01,264 - I said no! - Okay. 2006 01:16:01,297 --> 01:16:03,396 Go to your EarthLink account in the web browser. 2007 01:16:03,429 --> 01:16:06,429 EarthLink, EarthLink, okay. Press. 2008 01:16:06,463 --> 01:16:08,029 I give it my password. 2009 01:16:08,063 --> 01:16:09,463 Okay. 2010 01:16:09,496 --> 01:16:11,329 Okay. I just emailed you a file. 2011 01:16:11,363 --> 01:16:13,796 Download that and open it on his desktop. 2012 01:16:13,829 --> 01:16:16,297 - Ned, we're gonna fucking nail this guy! - We're good! 2013 01:16:16,329 --> 01:16:17,996 We're hacking, baby! 2014 01:16:18,029 --> 01:16:19,429 We're gonna nail him. 2015 01:16:19,463 --> 01:16:21,596 We're gonna nail him the way he's been nailing Stephanie. 2016 01:16:21,629 --> 01:16:22,929 STEPHANIE: Just come with me right now. 2017 01:16:22,963 --> 01:16:23,996 LAIRD: What? 2018 01:16:24,029 --> 01:16:25,063 Why are you taking me to my office? 2019 01:16:25,096 --> 01:16:26,230 Everyone's downstairs. 2020 01:16:26,264 --> 01:16:27,929 - Oh, shit! Someone's coming! - Okay. Escape! 2021 01:16:27,963 --> 01:16:29,029 Oh, God! 2022 01:16:29,063 --> 01:16:30,264 LAIRD: Baby, what are we doing? 2023 01:16:30,297 --> 01:16:31,663 Christmas Eve is about to start. 2024 01:16:31,696 --> 01:16:33,563 - What is the matter with you? - What's happening? 2025 01:16:33,596 --> 01:16:35,029 - I specifically told you... - Don't say anything. 2026 01:16:35,063 --> 01:16:38,563 That I wanted to be the one to tell my dad about Stanford. 2027 01:16:38,596 --> 01:16:40,529 - I know. We were just... - Then why did you do it? 2028 01:16:40,563 --> 01:16:42,929 We were bonding so hard, it just sort of slipped out. 2029 01:16:42,963 --> 01:16:45,929 STEPHANIE: You clearly have no idea what this means to him. 2030 01:16:45,963 --> 01:16:48,596 He was so proud of me when I got into Stanford. 2031 01:16:48,629 --> 01:16:52,696 He worked so hard to make it happen. 2032 01:16:52,729 --> 01:16:56,496 Me dropping out is like a huge slap in his face. 2033 01:16:57,429 --> 01:16:58,429 Okay. 2034 01:16:58,463 --> 01:17:00,796 I just never had anyone like him in my life before. 2035 01:17:00,829 --> 01:17:02,996 Oh, my God! 2036 01:17:03,029 --> 01:17:04,796 I thought we could just talk it out. 2037 01:17:04,829 --> 01:17:07,796 You could see how that's not your place to do that, right? 2038 01:17:07,829 --> 01:17:08,996 LAIRD: Okay. Maybe not. 2039 01:17:09,029 --> 01:17:10,263 STEPHANIE: Definitely not. 2040 01:17:10,296 --> 01:17:12,763 Okay, you're right. He was super pissed. 2041 01:17:14,629 --> 01:17:16,863 Sometimes I feel like you're not capable 2042 01:17:16,896 --> 01:17:18,563 of being in a relationship. 2043 01:17:18,596 --> 01:17:20,863 It's time that you get a handle 2044 01:17:20,896 --> 01:17:22,996 (MOUTHING INDISTINCTLY) on these father issues. 2045 01:17:23,029 --> 01:17:24,129 LAIRD: Wow. 2046 01:17:24,163 --> 01:17:26,396 That's the truth. 2047 01:17:26,429 --> 01:17:28,729 When you call me on my shit... 2048 01:17:28,763 --> 01:17:32,729 My God! It makes me feel so close to you. 2049 01:17:32,763 --> 01:17:36,296 Your honesty has such an effect on me. 2050 01:17:37,329 --> 01:17:40,063 You're making me so fucking horny right now. 2051 01:17:40,096 --> 01:17:41,263 - What? - STEPHANIE: Yeah. 2052 01:17:41,296 --> 01:17:42,796 LAIRD: That face is boner-bait. 2053 01:17:42,829 --> 01:17:44,996 STEPHANIE: Can you not see that I'm mad at you? 2054 01:17:45,029 --> 01:17:46,396 LAIRD: Yeah, I see it. That's what's... 2055 01:17:46,429 --> 01:17:48,129 STEPHANIE: Oh, my God. You're driving me crazy! 2056 01:17:48,163 --> 01:17:50,229 You're not listening to me. 2057 01:17:50,963 --> 01:17:51,963 LAIRD: I'm listening. 2058 01:17:52,629 --> 01:17:53,996 I'm sorry. 2059 01:17:54,029 --> 01:17:55,296 Do you... 2060 01:17:56,363 --> 01:17:57,963 You need therapy. (MOANING) 2061 01:18:01,296 --> 01:18:02,796 - Not working. - No? 2062 01:18:02,829 --> 01:18:04,129 Mm-mm. Not today, buddy. 2063 01:18:04,163 --> 01:18:06,129 Okay. How about this? 2064 01:18:06,163 --> 01:18:07,496 Is this working? 2065 01:18:09,629 --> 01:18:11,429 A little bit. 2066 01:18:11,463 --> 01:18:12,796 Okay, how about this? 2067 01:18:14,163 --> 01:18:15,463 (MOANING) 2068 01:18:15,496 --> 01:18:19,063 Okay. That's working a little bit more. 2069 01:18:19,096 --> 01:18:20,863 STEPHANIE: Laird, I love you. 2070 01:18:20,896 --> 01:18:22,463 But I'm still mad at you. 2071 01:18:22,496 --> 01:18:23,763 I'm sorry. 2072 01:18:27,229 --> 01:18:28,563 (BOTH MOANING) 2073 01:18:33,195 --> 01:18:34,963 - I'm so sorry. - (MOUTHING) No, no! 2074 01:18:35,496 --> 01:18:36,663 Okay? 2075 01:18:36,696 --> 01:18:37,729 Yes! 2076 01:18:37,763 --> 01:18:38,796 No! 2077 01:18:41,796 --> 01:18:43,529 LAIRD: You... (WHIRRING) 2078 01:18:43,563 --> 01:18:44,996 I'm gonna make it up to you. What is happening? 2079 01:18:45,029 --> 01:18:47,663 You just lie back, and I'll give you an early Christmas present. 2080 01:18:47,696 --> 01:18:50,029 STEPHANIE: You are such a freak. (LAUGHS) 2081 01:18:50,063 --> 01:18:51,363 I know. 2082 01:18:55,063 --> 01:18:56,195 LAIRD: Here comes Santa. 2083 01:18:56,229 --> 01:18:57,263 STEPHANIE: Oh, really? 2084 01:18:57,296 --> 01:18:59,629 - Ho, ho, ho. - Oh, my God. 2085 01:18:59,663 --> 01:19:01,563 Merry Christmas. 2086 01:19:01,596 --> 01:19:04,629 Somebody's been naughty this year. 2087 01:19:06,963 --> 01:19:08,129 KEVIN: Boss? 2088 01:19:08,162 --> 01:19:10,596 Ned. Are you there? Hello? 2089 01:19:10,629 --> 01:19:11,496 Hello? Oh. 2090 01:19:11,529 --> 01:19:14,463 Yes. Kevin, I'm here. What's happening? 2091 01:19:14,496 --> 01:19:15,396 I'm in. 2092 01:19:15,429 --> 01:19:16,996 Do you have access to the Internet? 2093 01:19:17,029 --> 01:19:18,629 Yes, I do. Hold on. 2094 01:19:18,663 --> 01:19:19,996 Wait a second. 2095 01:19:20,029 --> 01:19:21,696 Log into your EarthLink account. 2096 01:19:22,763 --> 01:19:23,729 Okay. Got it. 2097 01:19:23,763 --> 01:19:26,996 I'm gonna send these to you right now. (LAUGHS) 2098 01:19:27,029 --> 01:19:29,128 - Good. - You're done, Mayhew. 2099 01:19:29,162 --> 01:19:30,529 (CAMERA CLICKS) 2100 01:19:30,563 --> 01:19:32,329 What the fuck? 2101 01:19:32,363 --> 01:19:34,128 - What happened? - Oh, my God. 2102 01:19:34,162 --> 01:19:35,529 Wait, what? What's going on? 2103 01:19:35,563 --> 01:19:37,929 I don't know. He has my face. 2104 01:19:37,963 --> 01:19:38,996 What do you mean he has your face? 2105 01:19:39,029 --> 01:19:40,128 I'm locked out. 2106 01:19:40,162 --> 01:19:41,729 I can't use my computer anymore. 2107 01:19:41,763 --> 01:19:42,596 - What? - Stop that! 2108 01:19:42,629 --> 01:19:44,128 - What's happening? - He's onto us, Ned. 2109 01:19:44,162 --> 01:19:45,263 What are you doing? 2110 01:19:45,296 --> 01:19:47,863 We have to abort. Oh, God. Oh, no. 2111 01:19:47,896 --> 01:19:51,463 * Move back, motherfuckers Mayhew's here * 2112 01:19:51,496 --> 01:19:52,329 Oh, fuck! 2113 01:19:52,363 --> 01:19:53,729 He's a mythical creature, Ned. 2114 01:19:53,763 --> 01:19:54,763 He's what? 2115 01:19:55,429 --> 01:19:58,329 What the fuck? Oh, God. 2116 01:19:58,363 --> 01:20:00,429 He's pulling out his penis! 2117 01:20:01,162 --> 01:20:02,596 Oh, my God. 2118 01:20:02,629 --> 01:20:04,763 He's balls deep in my digital butt. 2119 01:20:07,162 --> 01:20:08,296 MARNIE: Are you watching porn? 2120 01:20:08,329 --> 01:20:09,529 Turn that off! 2121 01:20:09,563 --> 01:20:11,263 KEVIN: Ned, he's doing it! 2122 01:20:11,296 --> 01:20:12,996 Marnie, it's not good! 2123 01:20:13,029 --> 01:20:14,896 - Stay the fuck out! - Turn that off! 2124 01:20:14,929 --> 01:20:15,996 Kevin! 2125 01:20:16,029 --> 01:20:17,229 Kevin! 2126 01:20:17,796 --> 01:20:18,796 (GASPS) 2127 01:20:20,696 --> 01:20:22,629 KEVIN: He has control of the house! 2128 01:20:22,663 --> 01:20:23,729 Come here! 2129 01:20:23,763 --> 01:20:25,596 - Kevin, what is happening? - We gotta get out of here! 2130 01:20:25,629 --> 01:20:26,729 Go, go, go! 2131 01:20:26,763 --> 01:20:27,863 - What? - MARNIE: Kevin! 2132 01:20:27,896 --> 01:20:29,363 Kevin! 2133 01:20:39,929 --> 01:20:42,229 Oh, my... 2134 01:20:43,696 --> 01:20:47,929 (CHOIR SINGING) * Silent night 2135 01:20:47,963 --> 01:20:51,729 * Holy night 2136 01:20:52,363 --> 01:20:55,863 * All is calm 2137 01:20:57,128 --> 01:20:59,729 * All is bright 2138 01:21:02,296 --> 01:21:03,596 - Hi. - Hey. 2139 01:21:03,629 --> 01:21:05,128 You know what? Let's not fight. 2140 01:21:05,162 --> 01:21:06,629 Okay. 2141 01:21:06,663 --> 01:21:08,863 I'm sorry, truly, that you found out about Stanford that way. 2142 01:21:08,896 --> 01:21:09,896 Thank you. 2143 01:21:09,929 --> 01:21:11,763 It was not okay of Laird, and he knows that now. 2144 01:21:11,796 --> 01:21:13,363 But I'm confident this is a really good idea. 2145 01:21:13,396 --> 01:21:14,996 Honey, before you continue, I need to tell you something. 2146 01:21:15,028 --> 01:21:17,763 Laird has been lying to you. 2147 01:21:18,229 --> 01:21:19,329 I tried. 2148 01:21:19,363 --> 01:21:20,996 - No, no, no. Hey! - It's unbelievable! 2149 01:21:21,028 --> 01:21:22,996 He is in serious financial trouble. 2150 01:21:23,028 --> 01:21:24,996 - In what way? - It's Christmas. 2151 01:21:25,028 --> 01:21:26,296 Ned, you're making a mistake. 2152 01:21:26,329 --> 01:21:28,863 He doesn't have enough money to finance his business, 2153 01:21:28,896 --> 01:21:30,128 let alone a foundation. 2154 01:21:30,162 --> 01:21:31,963 STEPHANIE: What exactly makes you think that? 2155 01:21:31,996 --> 01:21:33,329 Wait till you see this. 2156 01:21:33,363 --> 01:21:34,529 - What's this? - Here. 2157 01:21:34,563 --> 01:21:36,829 Look at this, his own bank records. 2158 01:21:36,863 --> 01:21:38,463 All in red. 2159 01:21:40,296 --> 01:21:41,663 Is this for real? 2160 01:21:41,696 --> 01:21:42,829 Yeah, it's true. 2161 01:21:42,863 --> 01:21:45,663 Guerrilla Gang hasn't crushed one in a couple of years. 2162 01:21:45,696 --> 01:21:47,229 So you lied to me? 2163 01:21:47,263 --> 01:21:48,596 I'm dropping out of school 2164 01:21:48,629 --> 01:21:51,062 to start a foundation that you're supposed to be financing. 2165 01:21:51,095 --> 01:21:52,263 - Yeah. - Yeah. 2166 01:21:52,296 --> 01:21:54,463 Baby, the foundation is all good. 2167 01:21:54,496 --> 01:21:56,396 What are you talking about? 2168 01:21:56,429 --> 01:21:59,796 Ned, there has been a very big misunderstanding. 2169 01:21:59,829 --> 01:22:03,095 These are only Laird's business holdings. 2170 01:22:03,128 --> 01:22:04,229 On the personal side... 2171 01:22:04,263 --> 01:22:05,329 I have put together a moderate, 2172 01:22:05,363 --> 01:22:07,329 conservative private equity sleeve 2173 01:22:07,363 --> 01:22:09,363 that has been performing delightfully. 2174 01:22:09,396 --> 01:22:11,128 You could say that again. Mm-hmm. 2175 01:22:11,162 --> 01:22:12,829 So you followed the Buffett rule? 2176 01:22:12,863 --> 01:22:14,062 (GUSTAV LAUGHS) Always, dude. 2177 01:22:14,095 --> 01:22:15,863 70/30, stocks to bonds. 2178 01:22:15,896 --> 01:22:16,962 Buffet. 2179 01:22:16,995 --> 01:22:17,995 Nice. 2180 01:22:18,028 --> 01:22:19,128 Your little hacker, Dingle... 2181 01:22:19,162 --> 01:22:20,263 Hacker? 2182 01:22:20,296 --> 01:22:22,128 ...was worming down the wrong hole. 2183 01:22:22,162 --> 01:22:24,796 - Does he mean Kevin Dingle? - LAIRD: Probably. 2184 01:22:24,829 --> 01:22:26,195 No, must be another Dingle. 2185 01:22:26,229 --> 01:22:28,663 Only dingle I know of is the berries on the butt. 2186 01:22:28,696 --> 01:22:30,596 Look, how much money do you have? 2187 01:22:30,629 --> 01:22:31,863 Babe, you don't have to answer this. 2188 01:22:31,896 --> 01:22:32,995 Yes, he does. 2189 01:22:33,028 --> 01:22:34,962 LAIRD: Fine! Full disclosure. 2190 01:22:34,995 --> 01:22:36,363 It's bad. 2191 01:22:37,128 --> 01:22:40,263 I'm down to my last 97 million. 2192 01:22:40,296 --> 01:22:41,962 GUSTAV: (CLEARS THROAT) Laird. 2193 01:22:43,563 --> 01:22:45,429 197 million. 2194 01:22:46,896 --> 01:22:47,962 Boom. 2195 01:22:47,995 --> 01:22:50,229 He's just barely scraping by. 2196 01:22:50,263 --> 01:22:51,496 All you had to do was ask me. 2197 01:22:51,529 --> 01:22:53,863 Gentlemen, I need Deck the Halls, allegro, now. 2198 01:22:53,896 --> 01:22:56,995 * Deck the halls with boughs of holly * 2199 01:22:57,028 --> 01:22:58,663 LAIRD: Ned, it's the holidays 2200 01:22:58,696 --> 01:23:00,596 and I think we should start over. 2201 01:23:02,095 --> 01:23:03,363 So this is for you. 2202 01:23:07,263 --> 01:23:08,263 What is it? 2203 01:23:08,296 --> 01:23:09,696 It's a little stocking stuffer. 2204 01:23:09,729 --> 01:23:10,763 I think you'll like it. 2205 01:23:12,396 --> 01:23:14,329 A phone? Press the button. 2206 01:23:16,263 --> 01:23:18,995 This is from my bank in Grand Rapids. 2207 01:23:19,028 --> 01:23:20,229 Merry Christmas. 2208 01:23:20,263 --> 01:23:21,263 STEPHANIE: Someone fill me in here. 2209 01:23:21,296 --> 01:23:22,396 LAIRD: Well, Steph... 2210 01:23:22,429 --> 01:23:25,229 I bought your father's company. 2211 01:23:25,763 --> 01:23:26,863 Sort of. 2212 01:23:26,895 --> 01:23:30,863 Ned, I purchased all your debt as a Christmas present. 2213 01:23:30,895 --> 01:23:32,463 What the fuck? 2214 01:23:32,496 --> 01:23:34,496 - You son of a bitch. - What? 2215 01:23:34,529 --> 01:23:37,263 Dude, I'm trying to be nice, so you can avoid bankruptcy. 2216 01:23:37,296 --> 01:23:38,629 Are you guys talking Chapter 11? 2217 01:23:38,663 --> 01:23:40,028 I don't even wanna hear that term. 2218 01:23:40,062 --> 01:23:42,796 Okay, gentlemen, I need Jingle Bells, and step on it! 2219 01:23:42,829 --> 01:23:46,329 I can't believe that you didn't tell us about this. 2220 01:23:46,363 --> 01:23:48,529 What? No, it's just... 2221 01:23:48,563 --> 01:23:51,263 The business has been running a little rough lately. 2222 01:23:51,296 --> 01:23:52,995 I'm already working on a new deal right now. 2223 01:23:53,028 --> 01:23:55,095 - So you had no idea? - No. 2224 01:23:55,128 --> 01:23:56,862 How the hell did you know about this? 2225 01:23:56,895 --> 01:23:58,829 It was Justine. Oh. 2226 01:23:58,862 --> 01:24:00,329 JUSTINE: Yeah, it was me. 2227 01:24:00,363 --> 01:24:02,928 She played me back a little bit of a conversation you had the other day... 2228 01:24:02,962 --> 01:24:04,396 with a guy named Lou. 2229 01:24:04,429 --> 01:24:06,529 Of course, I had to help. 2230 01:24:06,563 --> 01:24:08,429 JUSTINE: Ned, I'm sorry if I overstepped. 2231 01:24:08,463 --> 01:24:09,463 Yep. 2232 01:24:09,496 --> 01:24:11,463 But I was really, really worried about you. 2233 01:24:11,496 --> 01:24:13,263 LAIRD: She was. No clowning. 2234 01:24:13,296 --> 01:24:14,796 And just so you don't stress, 2235 01:24:14,829 --> 01:24:17,396 you're still gonna be the Big Cheese, dude. 2236 01:24:17,429 --> 01:24:19,596 I plan on being a very hands-off owner. 2237 01:24:20,429 --> 01:24:23,229 So what do you say, partner? 2238 01:24:23,895 --> 01:24:25,463 (GROANS) (EXCLAIMING) 2239 01:24:25,496 --> 01:24:27,263 - Ned, what are you... - LAIRD: What the fuck? 2240 01:24:27,296 --> 01:24:29,463 Why would you do that, Dad? 2241 01:24:29,496 --> 01:24:30,329 Dad! 2242 01:24:30,363 --> 01:24:31,962 Fuck you, paper man! 2243 01:24:31,995 --> 01:24:33,596 (EXCLAIMING) 2244 01:24:33,629 --> 01:24:34,995 Oh, scheisse. 2245 01:24:35,028 --> 01:24:36,128 Ned, I'm sorry, bro. 2246 01:24:36,162 --> 01:24:37,928 Are you okay? Oh, man. (COUGHING) 2247 01:24:37,962 --> 01:24:39,263 My training, it just takes over. 2248 01:24:39,296 --> 01:24:41,796 Everybody is feeling a lot of tension. 2249 01:24:41,828 --> 01:24:43,663 - Calm down. - Dad! 2250 01:24:43,696 --> 01:24:46,429 Or we can hit people square in the face with an iPad. 2251 01:24:48,229 --> 01:24:50,062 Disengage. Disengage and run! 2252 01:24:50,095 --> 01:24:51,696 (BARB EXCLAIMING) 2253 01:24:53,429 --> 01:24:55,128 Dude, that was kind of cool. You gotta be honest. 2254 01:24:55,162 --> 01:24:57,128 Ned, I love you. I was just trying to help. 2255 01:24:57,162 --> 01:24:58,729 (YELLING) (SCREAMING IN PAIN) 2256 01:24:58,763 --> 01:24:59,763 Ooh! 2257 01:25:01,363 --> 01:25:02,396 Laird, disengage him! 2258 01:25:02,429 --> 01:25:04,229 Ned, let go of his balls! 2259 01:25:07,429 --> 01:25:09,263 Laird! Evasive parkour! 2260 01:25:09,296 --> 01:25:10,496 Laird, get away! 2261 01:25:10,529 --> 01:25:12,629 Evasive parkour! Do the wall pop! 2262 01:25:13,563 --> 01:25:14,563 Wall pop! 2263 01:25:17,995 --> 01:25:19,596 Goose! Did you see that? 2264 01:25:19,629 --> 01:25:22,696 That's right! Because you finally engaged your core! 2265 01:25:22,729 --> 01:25:24,195 Get down here! 2266 01:25:24,229 --> 01:25:26,596 GUSTAV: You see the difference of the feeling? How it feels differently? 2267 01:25:26,629 --> 01:25:27,696 I know! 2268 01:25:28,429 --> 01:25:30,195 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! 2269 01:25:30,229 --> 01:25:31,463 Don't breathe in. I'll save you, brother! 2270 01:25:31,496 --> 01:25:32,729 GUSTAV: Scotty, no! Scotty! 2271 01:25:32,762 --> 01:25:33,762 BARB: No, honey! 2272 01:25:34,529 --> 01:25:35,762 I'm here to save you, Laird! 2273 01:25:40,363 --> 01:25:41,629 Scotty, watch out! 2274 01:25:44,162 --> 01:25:45,463 (SCREAMING) 2275 01:25:49,895 --> 01:25:51,762 Laird! You okay? 2276 01:25:52,895 --> 01:25:53,995 Yeah! (LAUGHS) 2277 01:25:54,028 --> 01:25:55,663 - Fantastic! - You're okay. 2278 01:25:55,696 --> 01:25:57,496 - You're okay. - Wait. Where's Scotty? 2279 01:25:57,529 --> 01:25:59,229 BARB: Scotty! Oh, my God. 2280 01:25:59,263 --> 01:26:01,263 - Scotty! - He's under the moose! 2281 01:26:01,296 --> 01:26:02,828 (STEPHANIE AND BARB SCREAM) He's under the moose! 2282 01:26:02,862 --> 01:26:04,128 Scotty! 2283 01:26:04,162 --> 01:26:05,995 (GRUNTING) 2284 01:26:06,028 --> 01:26:07,128 Oh, shit. 2285 01:26:07,162 --> 01:26:09,496 These fucking moose balls are in my mouth. 2286 01:26:09,529 --> 01:26:11,862 Oh, shit, he's tea-bagging you, bro! 2287 01:26:11,895 --> 01:26:13,329 I got you. 2288 01:26:14,162 --> 01:26:15,895 (YELLING) 2289 01:26:18,762 --> 01:26:21,095 Come here. Come here. 2290 01:26:21,128 --> 01:26:22,962 Oh, my God. It's okay. 2291 01:26:22,995 --> 01:26:24,195 It's okay. 2292 01:26:27,396 --> 01:26:29,928 Honey, I'm so sorry it turned out this way. 2293 01:26:29,962 --> 01:26:31,463 Me, too. 2294 01:26:31,496 --> 01:26:32,862 I'll call you when I get home. 2295 01:26:32,895 --> 01:26:35,496 Okay. Good luck with Scotty. 2296 01:26:35,529 --> 01:26:37,329 - Thank you. I'll need it. - Yeah. 2297 01:26:39,162 --> 01:26:41,995 Steph, listen. I never... 2298 01:26:42,028 --> 01:26:44,363 I'm done listening. Have a safe flight. 2299 01:26:47,529 --> 01:26:49,496 - See you, sis. - Bye, Scotty. 2300 01:26:51,263 --> 01:26:53,762 Can't believe I have to go back to toilet paper. 2301 01:26:56,162 --> 01:26:58,629 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 2302 01:27:00,363 --> 01:27:02,995 Hey, Don Millis. Merry Christmas, sir. 2303 01:27:03,028 --> 01:27:05,195 You too, Ned. Look, I hate to call on Christmas. 2304 01:27:05,229 --> 01:27:07,095 Oh, don't worry about that. 2305 01:27:07,128 --> 01:27:08,795 It was great catching up yesterday 2306 01:27:08,828 --> 01:27:11,429 and I wanted to ring you as soon as we made a decision. 2307 01:27:11,463 --> 01:27:12,529 Okay. 2308 01:27:12,563 --> 01:27:14,263 I talked with the group here about your proposal 2309 01:27:14,296 --> 01:27:16,062 and we just can't go for it. 2310 01:27:16,095 --> 01:27:17,662 I'm sorry, pal. 2311 01:27:17,695 --> 01:27:20,128 We really appreciate you offering us such a sweetheart deal. 2312 01:27:20,162 --> 01:27:22,995 But fact is we're just not doing a whole lot of printing these days. 2313 01:27:23,028 --> 01:27:24,263 - You know how it is. - Yes. 2314 01:27:24,296 --> 01:27:25,596 It's a whole new world, right? 2315 01:27:25,629 --> 01:27:26,629 Yes. 2316 01:27:27,563 --> 01:27:28,596 Sure is. 2317 01:27:28,629 --> 01:27:30,363 I sure wish we could've done business, Cheese. 2318 01:27:30,396 --> 01:27:31,795 All right, listen, um, 2319 01:27:31,828 --> 01:27:34,463 if you're sure I can't change your mind there, Don. 2320 01:27:34,496 --> 01:27:35,995 Yeah, unfortunately not. 2321 01:27:36,028 --> 01:27:38,662 Okay. All right. 2322 01:27:38,695 --> 01:27:41,062 - You have a happy holidays. - You, too, Ned! 2323 01:27:41,095 --> 01:27:42,628 Best to Barb and the kids. 2324 01:27:45,429 --> 01:27:46,962 JUSTINE: Excuse me, Ned? 2325 01:27:46,995 --> 01:27:50,229 I'm sorry to bother you, but your flight leaves in an hour. 2326 01:27:52,762 --> 01:27:56,396 * Must seem strange to you, my friend 2327 01:27:56,429 --> 01:27:57,995 JUSTINE: I'll miss you. 2328 01:27:58,028 --> 01:28:02,195 * Some things are always heaven sent 2329 01:28:02,229 --> 01:28:06,229 * The more you want, the harder it gets 2330 01:28:06,263 --> 01:28:10,695 * The more you let go, the more you get 2331 01:28:10,728 --> 01:28:12,296 * It's a crazy... 2332 01:28:17,962 --> 01:28:20,363 * ...beautiful life 2333 01:28:20,396 --> 01:28:24,463 * Some things make sense and you don't know what 2334 01:28:24,496 --> 01:28:29,229 * It's a crazy beautiful life * 2335 01:28:30,396 --> 01:28:32,296 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 2336 01:28:36,028 --> 01:28:38,095 Welcome home, Flemings! 2337 01:28:38,128 --> 01:28:39,263 Lou, what... 2338 01:28:39,296 --> 01:28:40,662 You guys must be freezing. 2339 01:28:40,695 --> 01:28:42,662 Come on, get in here. Let me get that. Come on, Cheese. 2340 01:28:42,695 --> 01:28:44,529 - Lou, what's going on? - Barbara, hey. 2341 01:28:44,563 --> 01:28:45,496 Hi. 2342 01:28:45,529 --> 01:28:46,728 - Barb, you look great. - JERRY: There they are! 2343 01:28:46,762 --> 01:28:49,329 ALL: Merry Christmas! 2344 01:28:51,496 --> 01:28:52,828 Wow! 2345 01:28:52,862 --> 01:28:56,695 Um, Lou, I texted you that I needed to talk to you. 2346 01:28:56,728 --> 01:28:57,828 I mean, what's... 2347 01:28:57,862 --> 01:28:59,962 Come on, you hear this guy? 2348 01:28:59,995 --> 01:29:01,429 Hank Rouse from First National 2349 01:29:01,463 --> 01:29:03,995 shot me a congratulatory voice-mail this morning 2350 01:29:04,028 --> 01:29:05,695 about the Mayhew deal. 2351 01:29:05,728 --> 01:29:06,728 You did it, Big Cheese! 2352 01:29:08,162 --> 01:29:09,795 You pulled off the Christmas miracle. 2353 01:29:09,828 --> 01:29:11,496 (CHEERING) 2354 01:29:11,529 --> 01:29:13,928 - Cheese, Cheese, Cheese! - Cheese, Cheese, Cheese! 2355 01:29:13,962 --> 01:29:15,229 Barb! 2356 01:29:16,062 --> 01:29:17,162 Scotty. 2357 01:29:17,195 --> 01:29:20,062 Ned, as a little token of our appreciation, 2358 01:29:20,095 --> 01:29:22,562 we all chipped in and bought you something 2359 01:29:22,595 --> 01:29:25,528 that we're pretty sure you don't own. 2360 01:29:25,562 --> 01:29:26,662 (ALL LAUGH) 2361 01:29:27,862 --> 01:29:29,695 You shouldn't have. 2362 01:29:29,728 --> 01:29:31,329 Open it. Yeah. 2363 01:29:31,928 --> 01:29:33,028 Yeah, right there. 2364 01:29:33,062 --> 01:29:34,229 (LOU LAUGHS) 2365 01:29:34,263 --> 01:29:36,496 It's an iPad. (CHEERING) 2366 01:29:37,429 --> 01:29:38,995 Hit the home button right there. 2367 01:29:39,028 --> 01:29:41,329 Yeah. 2368 01:29:41,363 --> 01:29:43,363 JERRY: We had a little fun with that down in Graphics. 2369 01:29:43,396 --> 01:29:45,862 I got the images off Scotty's Facebook page. 2370 01:29:45,895 --> 01:29:47,463 (JERRY LAUGHING) 2371 01:29:47,496 --> 01:29:49,296 He looks like a stand-up guy. 2372 01:29:49,329 --> 01:29:51,329 Like a younger version of you, Ned. 2373 01:29:51,928 --> 01:29:52,995 MAN: Make a speech! 2374 01:29:53,028 --> 01:29:54,396 JERRY: Speech! Oh, yes, speech! 2375 01:29:54,429 --> 01:29:55,928 Speech, speech, speech. 2376 01:29:59,229 --> 01:30:01,329 (CHOPPER APPROACHING) 2377 01:30:01,363 --> 01:30:02,728 The heck is that? 2378 01:30:06,662 --> 01:30:09,195 STEPHANIE: Laird, a jet and a helicopter? Where are we? 2379 01:30:09,229 --> 01:30:10,828 LAIRD: Hang on, babe. Almost there. 2380 01:30:22,363 --> 01:30:23,995 - One second. - Mayhew! 2381 01:30:24,028 --> 01:30:25,062 Guys, stay here for a minute. 2382 01:30:25,095 --> 01:30:26,195 Honey, go inside and get a jacket. 2383 01:30:26,229 --> 01:30:27,562 - That's Mayhew. - Is that the guy? 2384 01:30:27,595 --> 01:30:28,628 Laird! 2385 01:30:28,662 --> 01:30:29,895 Where are we? 2386 01:30:29,928 --> 01:30:30,862 That looks weird. 2387 01:30:30,895 --> 01:30:32,695 It's kind of Fifty Shades of Grey -ish. 2388 01:30:32,728 --> 01:30:34,429 - Cold? - Yeah. 2389 01:30:36,628 --> 01:30:39,263 And here we go. 2390 01:30:40,962 --> 01:30:42,329 Surprise! 2391 01:30:43,095 --> 01:30:44,363 (LAIRD CHUCKLES) Hi, honey. 2392 01:30:45,695 --> 01:30:46,762 Ta-da. 2393 01:30:49,162 --> 01:30:50,962 - You brought me home? - Yeah. 2394 01:30:50,995 --> 01:30:52,595 Without telling me? 2395 01:30:52,628 --> 01:30:55,928 I realize I violated the sanctity of mystery date 2396 01:30:55,962 --> 01:30:59,195 but I just thought the family should all be together today. 2397 01:30:59,229 --> 01:31:01,095 Okay, that wasn't your place to do that, hon. 2398 01:31:01,128 --> 01:31:03,095 Steph, I know, 2399 01:31:03,128 --> 01:31:04,562 but it is Christmas. 2400 01:31:04,595 --> 01:31:05,928 And we're glad to see you. 2401 01:31:05,962 --> 01:31:07,062 This isn't what she wanted. 2402 01:31:07,095 --> 01:31:08,195 No, it's not. 2403 01:31:08,229 --> 01:31:09,895 What I wanted was for us to spend 2404 01:31:09,928 --> 01:31:11,363 Christmas in California together 2405 01:31:11,396 --> 01:31:14,028 like I planned, before everything went to shit 2406 01:31:14,062 --> 01:31:15,862 because you made it all about yourself. 2407 01:31:16,862 --> 01:31:18,195 Mm-hmm. 2408 01:31:18,728 --> 01:31:19,995 You both did. 2409 01:31:20,028 --> 01:31:21,329 - I did? - Yes! 2410 01:31:21,363 --> 01:31:24,428 You idiots think you can pass me back and forth 2411 01:31:24,462 --> 01:31:26,562 like I'm your property or something? 2412 01:31:26,595 --> 01:31:27,428 I'm done. 2413 01:31:27,462 --> 01:31:29,128 This is the worst Christmas ever. 2414 01:31:29,162 --> 01:31:30,962 - Steph. - Steph. Honey. 2415 01:31:35,928 --> 01:31:37,229 I think she's pissed. 2416 01:31:39,995 --> 01:31:41,928 Yeah, she's pissed. 2417 01:31:41,962 --> 01:31:43,329 Shit! 2418 01:31:43,363 --> 01:31:47,363 I just thought that you guys should be together today. 2419 01:31:48,395 --> 01:31:50,862 All right. Well, I'll leave you to it. 2420 01:31:51,795 --> 01:31:53,195 Happy holidays, Ned. 2421 01:31:53,229 --> 01:31:54,662 You too, Laird. 2422 01:32:01,795 --> 01:32:03,263 Uh, Laird. 2423 01:32:03,296 --> 01:32:05,363 You're doing a "I'm gonna walk away slowly 2424 01:32:05,395 --> 01:32:06,895 "'cause I really don't wanna leave" walk. 2425 01:32:09,428 --> 01:32:10,995 Maybe. 2426 01:32:11,028 --> 01:32:12,229 Come here. 2427 01:32:13,195 --> 01:32:14,395 Come here. 2428 01:32:14,428 --> 01:32:16,662 So what happened? You didn't propose? 2429 01:32:16,695 --> 01:32:17,862 How could I? 2430 01:32:17,895 --> 01:32:18,828 I never got your permission 2431 01:32:18,862 --> 01:32:20,895 and we pinky-swore I wouldn't ask without it. 2432 01:32:23,128 --> 01:32:25,728 You are remarkable. 2433 01:32:25,762 --> 01:32:29,462 You don't have a gear to be dishonest, do you? 2434 01:32:30,062 --> 01:32:31,595 Guess not, dude. 2435 01:32:33,162 --> 01:32:34,296 (SIGHS) 2436 01:32:34,329 --> 01:32:36,162 Laird, you never needed my permission 2437 01:32:36,195 --> 01:32:37,695 to ask Stephanie to marry you. 2438 01:32:39,263 --> 01:32:41,562 But if it still means anything to you, 2439 01:32:42,928 --> 01:32:44,195 you have my blessing. 2440 01:32:46,795 --> 01:32:47,828 For reals? 2441 01:32:48,263 --> 01:32:49,462 No clowning. 2442 01:32:50,962 --> 01:32:51,962 Whoa. 2443 01:32:53,562 --> 01:32:56,195 But, Laird, Stephanie's right. 2444 01:32:56,229 --> 01:32:58,695 It's up to her. It's always been up to her. 2445 01:32:58,728 --> 01:32:59,762 Not us. 2446 01:33:01,062 --> 01:33:03,728 It just took me a while to realize that. 2447 01:33:05,028 --> 01:33:06,296 It's so true. 2448 01:33:07,062 --> 01:33:08,728 Dude, we were such jerks. 2449 01:33:08,762 --> 01:33:10,028 Yeah. 2450 01:33:10,062 --> 01:33:11,428 I bit your dick. 2451 01:33:12,328 --> 01:33:14,229 Shaft and balls. Oh. 2452 01:33:15,862 --> 01:33:17,728 I'm sorry. 2453 01:33:17,762 --> 01:33:19,362 I'm sorry, too, dude. 2454 01:33:19,395 --> 01:33:22,528 Look, Laird, if you wanna ask Stephanie to marry you 2455 01:33:22,562 --> 01:33:24,828 when the time is right, just do it. 2456 01:33:26,263 --> 01:33:28,428 Okay. Is it cool if I do it right now? 2457 01:33:28,462 --> 01:33:30,762 Because, uh, just in case it worked out 2458 01:33:30,795 --> 01:33:34,128 I had Goose put a shit ton of doves in the helicopter 2459 01:33:34,162 --> 01:33:35,628 and I have a couple other surprises. 2460 01:33:35,662 --> 01:33:38,295 Laird, this is totally your call. 2461 01:33:38,328 --> 01:33:40,895 But can I give you some advice? 2462 01:33:40,928 --> 01:33:42,028 Dude, please. 2463 01:33:42,062 --> 01:33:43,095 I'm so fucking nervous right now. 2464 01:33:43,128 --> 01:33:44,528 All right, look... 2465 01:33:44,562 --> 01:33:47,728 Stephanie doesn't care about all the bells and whistles. 2466 01:33:47,762 --> 01:33:49,362 You know her. 2467 01:33:49,395 --> 01:33:50,995 She cares about you. 2468 01:33:51,028 --> 01:33:52,562 She loves you. 2469 01:33:53,895 --> 01:33:56,495 So you get down on one knee 2470 01:33:56,528 --> 01:33:59,262 and you speak to her from your heart. 2471 01:33:59,962 --> 01:34:01,662 That's what you're best at. 2472 01:34:03,395 --> 01:34:06,229 Isn't that right, Justine? (CHUCKLES) 2473 01:34:06,262 --> 01:34:07,795 JUSTINE: Totally agree. 2474 01:34:08,229 --> 01:34:09,662 Holy shit. 2475 01:34:09,695 --> 01:34:12,662 My first time in Michigan. It's cold as balls here. 2476 01:34:13,762 --> 01:34:14,795 Yeah. 2477 01:34:14,828 --> 01:34:17,862 Dude, that's fucking great! 2478 01:34:17,895 --> 01:34:19,162 Do it Ned Fleming style. 2479 01:34:19,195 --> 01:34:20,962 Old school! 2480 01:34:20,995 --> 01:34:22,262 Fuck yes. 2481 01:34:24,328 --> 01:34:25,862 Okay. Well, look... 2482 01:34:25,895 --> 01:34:28,095 I'll go in there and see if I can get her to come out. 2483 01:34:28,128 --> 01:34:29,195 Okay. 2484 01:34:29,228 --> 01:34:30,962 - Good luck. - Thanks. 2485 01:34:34,362 --> 01:34:36,562 Hey, promise me one thing. 2486 01:34:37,462 --> 01:34:39,428 You will treat her well. 2487 01:34:40,662 --> 01:34:43,828 Dude, I'm gonna treat her like a motherfucking queen. 2488 01:34:45,695 --> 01:34:46,962 I'll take that. 2489 01:34:46,995 --> 01:34:48,195 Okay. 2490 01:34:49,962 --> 01:34:51,928 Gustav, change of plans. 2491 01:34:51,962 --> 01:34:54,928 We're go on the proposal. No go on all that other shit. 2492 01:34:54,962 --> 01:34:55,995 I have only one bar. 2493 01:34:56,028 --> 01:34:57,695 You're saying we are a go, yes? 2494 01:34:57,728 --> 01:34:59,262 No. No go. 2495 01:34:59,295 --> 01:35:01,428 Go on the proposal, no go on the shit. 2496 01:35:01,462 --> 01:35:03,495 Laird, are you saying it's a no go 2497 01:35:03,528 --> 01:35:05,828 or are you saying, "No. Go."? 2498 01:35:05,862 --> 01:35:07,095 God damn it, Goose. 2499 01:35:07,128 --> 01:35:08,928 You're making me fucking nervous. Just shut up. 2500 01:35:08,962 --> 01:35:10,528 Oh, I'm sorry. Good luck. 2501 01:35:10,562 --> 01:35:13,228 Oh, and by the way, please, Laird, breathe. 2502 01:35:13,262 --> 01:35:15,962 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 2503 01:35:15,995 --> 01:35:17,062 Okay. 2504 01:35:17,095 --> 01:35:19,194 And no cursing, okay? 2505 01:35:19,228 --> 01:35:20,962 Fuck, you're right. Good call. 2506 01:35:22,928 --> 01:35:24,228 Hi. 2507 01:35:27,028 --> 01:35:28,828 I'm sorry. 2508 01:35:28,862 --> 01:35:32,728 I know that out in California I disappointed you 2509 01:35:32,762 --> 01:35:34,795 and that kills me. 2510 01:35:34,828 --> 01:35:36,528 And I'm really sorry. 2511 01:35:39,895 --> 01:35:40,895 I'm sorry, too. 2512 01:35:42,762 --> 01:35:44,161 I threw you in the deep end out there. 2513 01:35:44,194 --> 01:35:45,728 I should've never asked you to come. 2514 01:35:45,762 --> 01:35:46,662 Honestly. No. 2515 01:35:46,695 --> 01:35:48,362 No, you didn't do anything wrong. 2516 01:35:48,395 --> 01:35:49,795 What was I thinking? 2517 01:35:49,828 --> 01:35:51,662 It was me. 2518 01:35:51,695 --> 01:35:54,462 It's just that, when we got out to Laird's... 2519 01:35:55,662 --> 01:35:58,695 I just didn't feel like I knew you anymore 2520 01:35:59,628 --> 01:36:01,428 and I got scared. 2521 01:36:03,095 --> 01:36:04,762 I just went crazy. 2522 01:36:07,562 --> 01:36:08,762 This is me. 2523 01:36:11,194 --> 01:36:12,695 I'm doing good. 2524 01:36:14,228 --> 01:36:15,695 Oh, Dad. 2525 01:36:21,862 --> 01:36:22,962 Oh, my God. 2526 01:36:22,995 --> 01:36:24,395 Okay, look. I forgot... 2527 01:36:24,428 --> 01:36:25,695 - STEPHANIE: Oh, God. - He's still out there. 2528 01:36:25,728 --> 01:36:26,595 NED: I know. 2529 01:36:26,628 --> 01:36:28,028 STEPHANIE: In a tank top and a scarf. 2530 01:36:28,062 --> 01:36:29,228 And he knew we were coming to Michigan. 2531 01:36:29,262 --> 01:36:30,362 NED: Yeah. 2532 01:36:30,395 --> 01:36:31,562 Why doesn't he just come inside? 2533 01:36:31,595 --> 01:36:32,862 He has to talk to you about something... 2534 01:36:32,895 --> 01:36:35,795 He kind of wants to make things right with you. 2535 01:36:35,828 --> 01:36:37,262 - Oh, does he? - Yeah. 2536 01:36:37,295 --> 01:36:40,562 I think it'd be cool if you gave him a chance. 2537 01:36:42,328 --> 01:36:44,662 You want me to give Laird a chance? 2538 01:36:44,695 --> 01:36:48,828 I thought that if you saw fit to give him a chance... 2539 01:36:48,862 --> 01:36:51,562 I thought that it'd be cool. 2540 01:36:52,828 --> 01:36:53,862 (LAUGHS) 2541 01:36:53,895 --> 01:36:54,962 That's all. Well? 2542 01:36:54,995 --> 01:36:56,595 - Hi. - Hey. 2543 01:36:56,628 --> 01:36:58,695 What's going on? Oh, my God, it's cold out here. 2544 01:36:58,728 --> 01:37:01,127 I know you're pissed, but just hear me out. 2545 01:37:01,161 --> 01:37:02,795 - Can we talk inside? - No. 2546 01:37:02,828 --> 01:37:03,895 - Oh, my... - Look. 2547 01:37:03,928 --> 01:37:06,528 Oh, my God. It's so romantic. 2548 01:37:06,562 --> 01:37:08,062 I told him to keep it simple. 2549 01:37:08,094 --> 01:37:09,495 BARB: Oh, our little girl. 2550 01:37:09,528 --> 01:37:11,462 He's gonna get down to his knee and keep it real simple. 2551 01:37:11,495 --> 01:37:12,995 How do you know all this? 2552 01:37:13,028 --> 01:37:14,495 I gave him a few pointers. 2553 01:37:14,528 --> 01:37:16,595 Oh. 2554 01:37:16,628 --> 01:37:18,695 This has been the happiest year of my life. 2555 01:37:20,428 --> 01:37:23,762 And fly! Go, go, go! Go! 2556 01:37:25,628 --> 01:37:27,795 Oh, no. What? 2557 01:37:27,828 --> 01:37:29,462 (DOVES COOING) 2558 01:37:29,762 --> 01:37:30,762 Ah. 2559 01:37:32,061 --> 01:37:34,127 (GASPS) Oh, my God. 2560 01:37:34,161 --> 01:37:36,528 Goose. God damn it. I said no go! No go! 2561 01:37:36,562 --> 01:37:37,628 NED: Oh, my... 2562 01:37:37,662 --> 01:37:38,528 BARB: Oh, gosh. Wow. 2563 01:37:38,562 --> 01:37:39,828 Why did he do that? Smart boy. 2564 01:37:39,862 --> 01:37:41,862 Absolute fucking shit fest. 2565 01:37:42,862 --> 01:37:44,662 Babe, I'm so sorry. Uh... 2566 01:37:47,828 --> 01:37:49,595 Stephanie Fleming... 2567 01:37:49,628 --> 01:37:51,428 - will you... - Are you proposing? 2568 01:37:51,462 --> 01:37:53,127 Yeah. 2569 01:37:53,161 --> 01:37:54,995 Mmm-hmm. (CHUCKLES) 2570 01:37:55,027 --> 01:37:56,928 Did my dad know about this? 2571 01:37:56,962 --> 01:37:58,595 Yeah, I asked for his blessing 2572 01:37:58,628 --> 01:38:00,262 that first morning back in Cali. 2573 01:38:00,295 --> 01:38:02,795 Oh, my God. (LAUGHS) 2574 01:38:02,828 --> 01:38:03,995 Oh, my God! 2575 01:38:04,027 --> 01:38:06,528 No wonder he acted so crazy. Honey. 2576 01:38:06,562 --> 01:38:08,628 Yeah, that's why he was a little out of whack. 2577 01:38:08,662 --> 01:38:10,995 Yeah, we could have had a really nice holiday. 2578 01:38:11,027 --> 01:38:13,928 I know. But we're all good now. Okay? 2579 01:38:13,962 --> 01:38:16,262 This is a lot. 2580 01:38:17,295 --> 01:38:19,061 - Oh, my God. - Stephanie Fleming... 2581 01:38:19,094 --> 01:38:20,428 That's a ring. (MICROPHONE FEEDBACK) 2582 01:38:21,728 --> 01:38:23,495 Goose! No! 2583 01:38:23,528 --> 01:38:24,795 (ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING) 2584 01:38:28,061 --> 01:38:30,262 And, go! Go, guys! Go, go, go! 2585 01:38:30,962 --> 01:38:32,395 Stephanie! 2586 01:38:33,695 --> 01:38:34,795 Oh, my God. 2587 01:38:34,828 --> 01:38:36,462 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 2588 01:38:46,462 --> 01:38:49,928 Laird, what is Kiss doing here? 2589 01:38:50,795 --> 01:38:51,895 Um, well... 2590 01:38:54,061 --> 01:38:55,161 Is that... Whoa! 2591 01:38:55,194 --> 01:38:56,462 He got look-a-likes! 2592 01:38:56,495 --> 01:38:58,695 BARB: Those aren't look-a-likes, Ned. 2593 01:38:58,728 --> 01:39:00,027 That's Gene and Paul. 2594 01:39:00,061 --> 01:39:03,127 It's Gene and Paul! Gene and Paul! 2595 01:39:03,161 --> 01:39:05,328 (SCREAMING) Oh, my God! Oh, God! 2596 01:39:05,362 --> 01:39:06,961 Kiss is in the front yard! 2597 01:39:06,994 --> 01:39:09,495 * Tonight 2598 01:39:09,528 --> 01:39:12,262 * I wanna give it all to you 2599 01:39:13,961 --> 01:39:15,262 * In the darkness 2600 01:39:15,295 --> 01:39:17,728 Originally, I had this more elaborate proposal plan 2601 01:39:17,762 --> 01:39:19,528 but your dad gave me this awesome advice 2602 01:39:19,562 --> 01:39:21,027 and told me not to do it. 2603 01:39:21,061 --> 01:39:22,395 But they're here, 2604 01:39:22,428 --> 01:39:24,662 and I know how much you love their music, so... 2605 01:39:24,695 --> 01:39:26,027 What? Hi. 2606 01:39:26,061 --> 01:39:29,961 * I was made for lovin' you, baby 2607 01:39:29,994 --> 01:39:33,895 * You were made for lovin' me 2608 01:39:33,927 --> 01:39:35,795 * And I can't get... 2609 01:39:39,194 --> 01:39:41,194 Is he still proposing? What's... 2610 01:39:41,228 --> 01:39:42,695 NED: They've stopped playing now. 2611 01:39:42,728 --> 01:39:44,927 - His name's Ned. - BARB: Oh, my God, are they... 2612 01:39:44,961 --> 01:39:45,994 What? 2613 01:39:46,027 --> 01:39:47,061 - Are they coming in the... - Oh, my God. 2614 01:39:47,094 --> 01:39:48,127 They're coming up the sidewalk! 2615 01:39:48,161 --> 01:39:49,228 They're heading in! 2616 01:39:49,262 --> 01:39:50,662 They're coming in our house! Oh, my God! 2617 01:39:50,695 --> 01:39:52,961 Everybody act natural! Act naturally! 2618 01:39:52,994 --> 01:39:54,628 I have to redecorate the house! 2619 01:40:05,728 --> 01:40:06,862 Hey. 2620 01:40:06,894 --> 01:40:08,027 Hi. 2621 01:40:08,061 --> 01:40:09,194 NED: Hi. 2622 01:40:09,228 --> 01:40:10,762 (STAMMERS) 2623 01:40:11,161 --> 01:40:12,495 Uh, hi. 2624 01:40:13,428 --> 01:40:15,127 - I'm Ned. - PAUL: Hey, Ned. 2625 01:40:15,161 --> 01:40:16,428 - Hi! - Hi! 2626 01:40:16,462 --> 01:40:18,228 This is my wife, Barb. 2627 01:40:18,262 --> 01:40:19,828 This is our friends, Lou and Patty. 2628 01:40:19,862 --> 01:40:21,061 It's Lou. 2629 01:40:21,094 --> 01:40:22,528 NED: So excited you're here. 2630 01:40:22,562 --> 01:40:25,894 I gotta tell you. Uh, we are huge fans. 2631 01:40:25,927 --> 01:40:29,762 We've been members of the Kiss Army for, like, 30 years now. 2632 01:40:29,795 --> 01:40:32,595 Yeah. Our first date was the Crazy Nights Tour. 2633 01:40:32,628 --> 01:40:35,228 Yeah! And, boy, was that crazy. 2634 01:40:35,262 --> 01:40:36,495 Crazy. (ALL CHUCKLING) 2635 01:40:37,094 --> 01:40:38,295 Did you get laid? 2636 01:40:41,495 --> 01:40:42,495 Um... 2637 01:40:43,462 --> 01:40:45,362 I gave him a handjob. 2638 01:40:46,228 --> 01:40:48,127 (SNICKERS) NED: Scotty. 2639 01:40:48,161 --> 01:40:49,994 I'm having an awesome time, 2640 01:40:50,027 --> 01:40:51,395 but are you having a buffet here? 2641 01:40:51,428 --> 01:40:53,194 Oh, my God. What was I thinking? 2642 01:40:53,228 --> 01:40:54,662 - Are you hungry? - Starving. 2643 01:40:54,695 --> 01:40:56,762 Oh, God, of course! Where's our manners? 2644 01:40:56,795 --> 01:40:57,662 We're terrible hosts. 2645 01:40:57,695 --> 01:40:59,027 LOU: Let's get those guitars, guys. 2646 01:40:59,061 --> 01:41:00,428 Come on, let me get that axe. 2647 01:41:01,662 --> 01:41:02,528 See my body? 2648 01:41:02,562 --> 01:41:03,595 Wow! Kiss is in our house! 2649 01:41:03,628 --> 01:41:07,295 Yeah. I'm kind of juiced up a little bit. 2650 01:41:07,328 --> 01:41:09,328 Oh! I almost forgot about them. 2651 01:41:09,362 --> 01:41:11,528 - Well... - The happy couple. 2652 01:41:11,562 --> 01:41:12,894 Congratulations. 2653 01:41:13,562 --> 01:41:14,762 She said no. 2654 01:41:15,695 --> 01:41:16,795 I'm sorry, what? 2655 01:41:16,827 --> 01:41:18,262 She said no. 2656 01:41:19,961 --> 01:41:20,961 Well... 2657 01:41:22,695 --> 01:41:23,827 Honey. 2658 01:41:24,328 --> 01:41:26,161 I'm so flattered 2659 01:41:26,194 --> 01:41:28,528 that you wanna marry me 2660 01:41:28,562 --> 01:41:29,762 but I'm not ready for that. 2661 01:41:33,228 --> 01:41:34,795 And I'm gonna finish school. 2662 01:41:34,827 --> 01:41:36,161 For me. 2663 01:41:36,194 --> 01:41:37,861 Because that's what I wanna do. 2664 01:41:37,894 --> 01:41:39,395 Got it? 2665 01:41:39,428 --> 01:41:41,262 LAIRD: That's really smart. 2666 01:41:41,295 --> 01:41:44,328 It's just, I had this big plan 2667 01:41:45,228 --> 01:41:47,262 and it didn't work out. 2668 01:41:47,295 --> 01:41:49,595 (SIGHS) Yeah. Well, that's life, pal. 2669 01:41:51,362 --> 01:41:54,861 That is so well put, Ned. 2670 01:41:54,894 --> 01:41:56,562 It's really, really smart. 2671 01:41:56,595 --> 01:41:58,428 Dude, did you come up with that? 2672 01:41:58,462 --> 01:42:00,262 The words, "That's life?" 2673 01:42:00,295 --> 01:42:03,662 Ned, you're so full of practical wisdom... 2674 01:42:03,695 --> 01:42:05,027 I was just really looking forward 2675 01:42:05,061 --> 01:42:06,562 to you being my father-in-law. 2676 01:42:06,595 --> 01:42:07,595 Aw. 2677 01:42:08,462 --> 01:42:10,695 I'm not breaking up with you. 2678 01:42:10,728 --> 01:42:11,794 You're not? 2679 01:42:11,827 --> 01:42:12,728 No, honey. 2680 01:42:12,761 --> 01:42:14,362 No, no, no. I'm still your girlfriend. 2681 01:42:14,395 --> 01:42:16,194 We're still together. 2682 01:42:16,228 --> 01:42:17,428 LAIRD: Oh. 2683 01:42:18,728 --> 01:42:19,994 Oh, thank God! 2684 01:42:20,027 --> 01:42:21,295 Come here. 2685 01:42:32,027 --> 01:42:33,495 Merry Christmas. 2686 01:42:33,528 --> 01:42:34,362 - Ned. - Hey. 2687 01:42:34,395 --> 01:42:36,161 Dude, your employees are so cool. 2688 01:42:36,194 --> 01:42:37,495 Yeah, they are. 2689 01:42:37,528 --> 01:42:39,761 Maybe it was wrong of me to interfere like that, 2690 01:42:39,794 --> 01:42:41,827 but why don't you let me save your company? 2691 01:42:43,127 --> 01:42:44,994 (SIGHS) No, Laird, I can't. 2692 01:42:45,027 --> 01:42:47,127 That old model doesn't work anymore. 2693 01:42:47,161 --> 01:42:49,194 I guess... I don't know. 2694 01:42:49,228 --> 01:42:51,927 I guess I just didn't want to believe it. 2695 01:42:51,961 --> 01:42:53,562 But since you mentioned it... 2696 01:42:53,595 --> 01:42:55,994 I do have a business idea I wanna run by you. 2697 01:42:56,027 --> 01:42:57,794 Dude, elevator pitch me! 2698 01:42:57,827 --> 01:42:58,961 Okay. 2699 01:43:00,262 --> 01:43:01,595 No, hold on. 2700 01:43:01,628 --> 01:43:04,194 This wasn't my idea at all. One second. 2701 01:43:04,228 --> 01:43:06,061 - Scotty, come here. - SCOTTY: Yo, what's up? 2702 01:43:06,094 --> 01:43:07,362 - Come here. - Yeah? 2703 01:43:07,395 --> 01:43:08,562 I want you to tell Laird about the business idea 2704 01:43:08,595 --> 01:43:10,228 you mentioned on the plane. 2705 01:43:10,262 --> 01:43:11,495 - Go ahead. - Wait, really? 2706 01:43:11,528 --> 01:43:12,462 Yeah. 2707 01:43:12,495 --> 01:43:14,161 Told you to get that seat at the table, bro. 2708 01:43:14,194 --> 01:43:15,927 You did. He told me, Dad. He was, like... 2709 01:43:15,961 --> 01:43:17,027 "You're gonna get that seat." 2710 01:43:17,061 --> 01:43:18,362 I can't believe I finally got the seat. 2711 01:43:18,395 --> 01:43:19,861 Dragons and titties, baby. 2712 01:43:19,894 --> 01:43:21,961 Dragons and titties! (ROARS) 2713 01:43:21,994 --> 01:43:23,562 Breathe that fire. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) 2714 01:43:23,595 --> 01:43:24,595 Get up in there. 2715 01:43:25,462 --> 01:43:27,328 Get up in those titties! 2716 01:43:27,362 --> 01:43:28,595 Gonna get those dragons. (HISSING) 2717 01:43:29,628 --> 01:43:31,161 Dad... 2718 01:43:31,194 --> 01:43:32,528 Scotty! (LAUGHS) 2719 01:43:32,562 --> 01:43:35,262 Stop motor-boating your dad, and elevator pitch me. 2720 01:43:35,295 --> 01:43:36,961 Sorry. Uh... 2721 01:43:36,994 --> 01:43:40,127 Laird, I can't stop thinking about your toilets, dude. 2722 01:43:40,161 --> 01:43:42,027 - My toilets? - Yeah. 2723 01:43:42,061 --> 01:43:43,694 The fresh feeling, the scented talc. 2724 01:43:43,727 --> 01:43:45,961 I was thinking if you can get the controls in English 2725 01:43:45,994 --> 01:43:48,027 and maybe lower the price point a little bit, 2726 01:43:48,061 --> 01:43:49,127 we could have a potentially untapped 2727 01:43:49,161 --> 01:43:50,194 market here in America. 2728 01:43:50,228 --> 01:43:51,827 - Oh, shit. - Right? 2729 01:43:51,861 --> 01:43:53,761 And look, we can contact a Japanese manufacturer 2730 01:43:53,794 --> 01:43:54,894 about pricing... Ooh. 2731 01:43:54,927 --> 01:43:57,462 No, Scotty. Pardon my French, but fuck that noise. 2732 01:43:57,927 --> 01:43:58,994 Whoa. 2733 01:43:59,027 --> 01:44:01,961 Listen. We have a factory right here in Grand Rapids 2734 01:44:01,994 --> 01:44:04,628 with 37 of the best employees you're ever gonna want. 2735 01:44:04,661 --> 01:44:06,595 Let's build our own. 2736 01:44:07,428 --> 01:44:09,428 - Hells yes, Grateful Ned! - Yeah! 2737 01:44:09,462 --> 01:44:11,027 (MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND) Boom! 2738 01:44:11,061 --> 01:44:12,562 (BLOWING RASPBERRY) 2739 01:44:13,094 --> 01:44:14,362 Okay, sorry. Yeah. 2740 01:44:18,628 --> 01:44:24,595 (ALL SINGING): * The first noel the angels did say * 2741 01:44:24,627 --> 01:44:29,994 * Was to certain poor shepherds In fields as they lay * 2742 01:44:30,027 --> 01:44:35,761 * In fields where they lay keeping their sheep * 2743 01:44:35,794 --> 01:44:41,495 * On a cold winter's night that was so deep * 2744 01:44:41,528 --> 01:44:43,094 * Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel * 2745 01:44:43,127 --> 01:44:46,395 It turned out to be a pretty cool holiday after all, huh? 2746 01:44:47,094 --> 01:44:48,362 It did, son. 2747 01:44:49,027 --> 01:44:50,094 (MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND) 2748 01:44:50,127 --> 01:44:51,328 Dude. 2749 01:44:51,794 --> 01:44:52,861 What? 2750 01:44:52,894 --> 01:44:54,761 Told you you'd be calling me "son" by Christmas. 2751 01:44:54,794 --> 01:44:56,462 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 2752 01:44:56,495 --> 01:44:58,594 That's just a figure of speech. 2753 01:44:58,627 --> 01:44:59,694 Sure, Dad. 2754 01:45:05,927 --> 01:45:08,961 * Merry Christmas, I don't want to fight tonight 2755 01:45:08,994 --> 01:45:12,395 * Merry Christmas, I don't want to fight tonight 2756 01:45:12,428 --> 01:45:15,428 * Merry Christmas, I don't want to fight tonight 2757 01:45:16,694 --> 01:45:18,428 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 2758 01:45:20,161 --> 01:45:23,027 Hello there, you gang! It is I, Gustav. 2759 01:45:23,061 --> 01:45:25,362 It's so great to see you! 2760 01:45:25,395 --> 01:45:28,161 Hey, what do you think of the new facial hair, huh? 2761 01:45:28,194 --> 01:45:30,161 I'm based in Michigan now, so you know... 2762 01:45:30,194 --> 01:45:31,362 I'm trying to do this whole kind of 2763 01:45:31,395 --> 01:45:32,961 Paul Bunyan, Midwestern thing. 2764 01:45:32,994 --> 01:45:34,594 I wanted to fill it all out. 2765 01:45:34,627 --> 01:45:37,727 So Scotty, Laird, and Ned took the printing company 2766 01:45:37,761 --> 01:45:39,061 turned it into a toilet factory, 2767 01:45:39,094 --> 01:45:40,594 and it's going great! 2768 01:45:40,627 --> 01:45:43,727 The toilet is water efficient und Eco-friendly. 2769 01:45:43,761 --> 01:45:44,994 It's state of the art. 2770 01:45:45,027 --> 01:45:48,861 I'm telling you, they have invented the Tesla of toilets! 2771 01:45:48,894 --> 01:45:50,194 It's amazing. 2772 01:45:50,228 --> 01:45:51,994 Barbara has made sure that each toilet 2773 01:45:52,027 --> 01:45:54,127 has a state of the art vaginal cleanse. 2774 01:45:54,161 --> 01:45:58,495 You know exactly what I'm saying. 2775 01:45:58,528 --> 01:46:00,262 Every single model comes with Justine. 2776 01:46:00,295 --> 01:46:01,428 Talk about a smart toilet. 2777 01:46:01,462 --> 01:46:02,827 She knows if you need a little sploosh 2778 01:46:02,861 --> 01:46:03,727 or if you actually need 2779 01:46:03,761 --> 01:46:05,228 the fountains of the Bellagio up there. 2780 01:46:06,961 --> 01:46:09,727 Scotty has finally got his seat at the table. 2781 01:46:10,228 --> 01:46:11,395 It's beautiful. 2782 01:46:11,428 --> 01:46:13,262 He went a little too far with the dragons, 2783 01:46:13,295 --> 01:46:14,827 and the titties, and the motor-boating. 2784 01:46:16,495 --> 01:46:17,495 Oy, vey. 2785 01:46:18,127 --> 01:46:19,395 Oh, Miss Stephanie. 2786 01:46:19,428 --> 01:46:22,027 She had the idea to link the Fleming-Mayhew company 2787 01:46:22,061 --> 01:46:23,761 with the new foundation. 2788 01:46:23,794 --> 01:46:26,295 So now, they're sponsoring sewage projects 2789 01:46:26,328 --> 01:46:28,462 all over the Third World. I told you. 2790 01:46:28,495 --> 01:46:31,428 Smart, smart, smart girl. 2791 01:46:31,462 --> 01:46:34,627 So, things are working out really well for the gang here. 2792 01:46:34,661 --> 01:46:36,894 The company is a smashing success. 2793 01:46:36,927 --> 01:46:38,661 And my dear Laird 2794 01:46:38,694 --> 01:46:41,362 has finally gotten what he's always wanted. 2795 01:46:41,395 --> 01:46:42,827 To be part of a family. 2796 01:46:46,161 --> 01:46:47,994 All right, ciao for now, you friends. 2797 01:46:48,027 --> 01:46:49,362 Until we meet again. 2798 01:46:49,395 --> 01:46:51,262 Laird, it doesn't count as a sneak attack if I can see... 2799 01:46:51,295 --> 01:46:53,127 - Fuck you, Goose! - Scheisse!