1 00:00:14,627 --> 00:00:18,367 We're approaching insertion target area, about a mile from your D.Z. 2 00:00:18,463 --> 00:00:20,285 You ready, WD-40? 3 00:00:21,915 --> 00:00:24,600 I never felt more ready in my life. 4 00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:29,874 Oh, damn! What the hell-- Steele, are you crazy? 5 00:00:30,162 --> 00:00:33,806 Good afternoon, WD-40. 6 00:00:33,998 --> 00:00:36,970 We now begin "the free world's in double jeopardy" round of your mission. 7 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,560 - He's a sadistic criminal mastermind... 8 00:00:39,752 --> 00:00:42,245 and international arms dealer who has brokered a deal... 9 00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:46,848 to sell a stolen Scorpion missile to a Middle Eastern terrorist cell. 10 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:49,054 The question is. Who is Rancor? 11 00:00:49,246 --> 00:00:51,356 That's right. General Derwood Rancor. 12 00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:55,191 So why don't you begin your mission. And good luck to you, WD-40. 13 00:00:56,725 --> 00:00:58,931 And don't forget, WD-40, as always, 14 00:00:59,123 --> 00:01:02,383 this tape will self-destruct in three seconds. 15 00:01:02,575 --> 00:01:07,082 Steele! 16 00:01:52,249 --> 00:01:54,934 General Rancor, your chopper's waiting. 17 00:01:55,126 --> 00:01:58,579 Fine. Be there in a minute. I ain't done with this one yet. 18 00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:01,455 Talk to me, boy! 19 00:02:01,647 --> 00:02:06,442 He doesn't want to talk. Take him outside and shoot him. 20 00:02:16,607 --> 00:02:21,402 And when you shoot him, use the silencer. 21 00:02:37,512 --> 00:02:39,238 Thank you. Have a nice flight. 22 00:02:41,732 --> 00:02:43,457 Have a great flight. 23 00:02:43,649 --> 00:02:45,376 - Enjoy destroying the world, sir. - Thank you, ma'am, I will. 24 00:02:47,965 --> 00:02:50,555 I'm going in there. 25 00:02:50,650 --> 00:02:54,390 My God! Look at you. 26 00:02:54,582 --> 00:02:57,459 - You are such an incredible man. 27 00:02:59,089 --> 00:03:03,212 It's my job, darling. I do it for my country. 28 00:03:03,404 --> 00:03:07,049 Hmm? Oh. Good luck. 29 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:09,637 Luck's got nothing to do with it. 30 00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:32,173 Nothing can stop me now! 31 00:03:32,365 --> 00:03:36,872 Not even that sanctimonious secret agent Boy Scout Dick-- 32 00:03:37,064 --> 00:03:38,982 Y oo-hoo! 33 00:03:41,762 --> 00:03:43,584 Steele? 34 00:03:47,037 --> 00:03:49,722 - Oh, Dick, don't drop me! - Hold on! Whoa! Don't! 35 00:03:49,913 --> 00:03:53,654 - Grab my wrist! - Oh! 36 00:03:56,147 --> 00:04:00,558 Whoa! 37 00:04:00,750 --> 00:04:03,243 - Don't drop me, Dick! Don't drop me! 38 00:04:03,435 --> 00:04:07,079 - Honey? 39 00:04:27,505 --> 00:04:32,109 A man of intrigue He lives for the thrill 40 00:04:35,656 --> 00:04:40,738 Always has places to go and people to kill 41 00:04:43,136 --> 00:04:46,301 Danger is the game he plays 42 00:04:46,493 --> 00:04:50,520 And he holds every card 43 00:04:50,712 --> 00:04:53,397 'Cause if you wanna win 44 00:04:53,589 --> 00:04:57,137 You gotta spy hard 45 00:04:59,822 --> 00:05:04,617 A man of the world so suave and discreet 46 00:05:06,918 --> 00:05:12,289 He trips over the women piled up at his feet 47 00:05:15,740 --> 00:05:18,234 But evil's lurking 48 00:05:18,426 --> 00:05:22,837 So he's always on his guard 49 00:05:23,028 --> 00:05:25,810 'Cause if you're gonna spy 50 00:05:25,906 --> 00:05:31,085 You better spy hard 51 00:05:31,275 --> 00:05:34,440 He's always there 52 00:05:34,632 --> 00:05:39,044 When the chips are beginning to fall 53 00:05:39,236 --> 00:05:42,400 He wouldn't care 54 00:05:42,591 --> 00:05:44,989 If they kicked him and grabbed him 55 00:05:45,181 --> 00:05:47,003 And shot him and stabbed him 56 00:05:47,195 --> 00:05:50,743 And nailed both his ears to the wall 57 00:05:52,373 --> 00:05:54,771 Facing death every day 58 00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:58,126 Is a tough job for any man 59 00:05:59,565 --> 00:06:02,730 But his hours are flexible 60 00:06:03,018 --> 00:06:06,086 And he's got a great dental plan 61 00:06:07,620 --> 00:06:11,265 By the way if you walked in late 62 00:06:11,457 --> 00:06:15,100 Allow me to reiterate 63 00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:18,649 The name of this movie 64 00:06:18,841 --> 00:06:22,292 Is Spy Hard 65 00:06:22,484 --> 00:06:26,320 They call it Spy Hard 66 00:06:26,512 --> 00:06:29,773 You're watching Spy Hard 67 00:06:30,061 --> 00:06:36,198 It's the theme from Spy Hard 68 00:07:59,435 --> 00:08:03,367 Sir, I hate to disturb you, but we're picking up something interesting on the compound... 69 00:08:03,558 --> 00:08:05,860 - infrared detection system. - Well, what is it? 70 00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:08,066 Oh, it's this really neat security system, sir. 71 00:08:08,258 --> 00:08:12,381 - It picks up the body heat on the intruders-- - Fine! What is it detecting? 72 00:08:12,573 --> 00:08:16,697 Oh, well, it looks like Agent Barbara Dahl, sir. 73 00:08:22,642 --> 00:08:25,615 Barbara Dahl? 74 00:08:25,807 --> 00:08:28,109 Hot damn! At last! 75 00:08:28,301 --> 00:08:30,122 Arm me. 76 00:08:31,752 --> 00:08:34,821 Y eah. Now, bring me the bait. 77 00:08:36,644 --> 00:08:38,465 Welcome, Miss Dahl. 78 00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:41,726 General Rancor would like to see you. Don't even think about it! 79 00:08:41,917 --> 00:08:44,411 Put the gun down! 80 00:08:49,781 --> 00:08:53,809 Move. Don't try anything funny. 81 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,493 Oh, you morons! 82 00:08:56,685 --> 00:08:59,275 Let go! Oh! Oh! 83 00:08:59,562 --> 00:09:02,822 - Well, look at you. 84 00:09:03,014 --> 00:09:05,220 Barbara Dahl. 85 00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:08,577 If you ain't the spitting image of your mama. 86 00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:13,659 Don't you talk about my mother, you hybrid curiosity. 87 00:09:13,851 --> 00:09:15,865 My mother was twice the man you are. 88 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,166 Hey, lady, I think you're carrying... 89 00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:21,714 this "spitting image" thing a little bit too far. 90 00:09:22,002 --> 00:09:24,591 Now that I got Barbara Dahl, 91 00:09:24,783 --> 00:09:29,098 it's just a matter of time before Dick Steele comes to get her. 92 00:09:44,729 --> 00:09:46,647 Have you confirmed this transmission? 93 00:09:46,839 --> 00:09:49,428 I have. It's confirmed. It's Barbara Dahl. 94 00:09:49,620 --> 00:09:52,018 Who authorized Agent Barbara Dahl to go on this operation anyway? 95 00:09:52,305 --> 00:09:54,798 No one. She's working on her own. 96 00:09:54,990 --> 00:09:56,716 This one is personal, Coleman. 97 00:09:56,908 --> 00:10:00,744 Well, this personal mission may have cost a good agent her life... 98 00:10:00,936 --> 00:10:02,853 and put the entire free world in jeopardy. 99 00:10:03,045 --> 00:10:05,539 - We must inform the director. 100 00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:08,224 This is the director. What is it, Coleman and Bishop? 101 00:10:08,512 --> 00:10:11,484 Sir, we've intercepted a very disturbing satellite transmission... 102 00:10:11,676 --> 00:10:13,786 from our listening post on the Rock of Gibraltar. 103 00:10:13,978 --> 00:10:16,088 - Well, what is it? - It's this really big rock... 104 00:10:16,279 --> 00:10:18,772 sticking out of the water on the south coast of Spain. 105 00:10:22,704 --> 00:10:24,526 What is the transmission? 106 00:10:24,718 --> 00:10:27,403 You will have to see it to believe it, sir. 107 00:10:39,198 --> 00:10:41,980 - You've got to put it on channel three. - No, four. 108 00:10:42,171 --> 00:10:45,335 - Switch it to VHS. - And take it off of cable. 109 00:10:45,527 --> 00:10:47,733 Put it on the monitor. 110 00:10:47,829 --> 00:10:50,898 And now this special message from Rancor Industries. 111 00:10:51,090 --> 00:10:53,199 She makes a pretty hood ornament, don't you think? 112 00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:58,474 - Rancor! - Y es, it is I, good ol' General Rancor. 113 00:10:58,665 --> 00:11:01,733 I'm back, big as life and twice as ugly. 114 00:11:01,925 --> 00:11:04,419 - But Steele blew him up! - Apparently not. 115 00:11:04,611 --> 00:11:07,104 You did everything except eat me, 116 00:11:07,296 --> 00:11:09,021 and I'm still alive. 117 00:11:09,213 --> 00:11:11,707 All Steele did was blow off a couple of arms. 118 00:11:11,899 --> 00:11:13,817 That's no biggie, no big thing. 119 00:11:14,009 --> 00:11:15,735 Now I got plenty of arms! 120 00:11:15,927 --> 00:11:20,242 Big arms. Pretty arms. something. 121 00:11:24,366 --> 00:11:27,434 Your pretty little agent is now part... 122 00:11:27,626 --> 00:11:29,927 of the nose cone on top of my missile. 123 00:11:30,119 --> 00:11:34,338 This missile will be launched in 36 hours... 124 00:11:34,530 --> 00:11:37,311 - and nothing will stop me! - He's a madman! 125 00:11:37,407 --> 00:11:40,572 Only thing is, I'm missing one little chip... 126 00:11:40,764 --> 00:11:44,503 that controls my satellite, and, daggone, I want it back! 127 00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:48,052 Now you hand me my chip, and I'll give you back your agent. 128 00:11:48,244 --> 00:11:51,599 Good God. He must be stopped! 129 00:11:51,791 --> 00:11:54,668 Dick Steele couldn't stop me 15 years ago, 130 00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:59,176 and all the dicks you've got won't stop me now! 131 00:11:59,368 --> 00:12:01,189 Apparently, he hasn't seen the size... 132 00:12:01,285 --> 00:12:03,203 of some of our newer members! 133 00:12:03,395 --> 00:12:06,176 - With the chip, he rules the world. 134 00:12:06,368 --> 00:12:10,203 - Without the chip, he destroys the world and-- 135 00:12:10,395 --> 00:12:13,848 - Would you practice someplace else? I'm trying to think! 136 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:18,067 - The world? Ha! 137 00:12:18,259 --> 00:12:20,465 We all know what General Rancor really wants. 138 00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:22,862 - Steele. - That's right! 139 00:12:23,054 --> 00:12:26,122 - And we're going to give Steele to him. - Steele? 140 00:12:26,314 --> 00:12:30,534 Have you forgotten what happened the last time Steele was placed in the line of fire? 141 00:12:46,261 --> 00:12:49,521 We are stopping here. Traveller wants to mingle with the crowd. 142 00:13:14,838 --> 00:13:18,482 - Oh! Oh, my God! - Steele, what the hell are you doing? Get off me! 143 00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:21,646 - Get him in there! Get him in the limo! Cover him! 144 00:13:21,838 --> 00:13:25,674 Go, go, go! Go! Go, go! 145 00:13:31,524 --> 00:13:33,921 The bridge is out. 146 00:13:34,112 --> 00:13:36,894 Do not enter. The bridge is out. 147 00:13:37,086 --> 00:13:40,730 The bridge is out, damn it! Stop this car! 148 00:14:08,923 --> 00:14:11,225 - Stay away from the window, sir. 149 00:14:11,416 --> 00:14:13,718 Steele, do something! 150 00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:33,280 Good job, Steele! Thanks! 151 00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:36,445 - It's about time that jerk did something right. 152 00:14:36,637 --> 00:14:39,418 - Hang on, Mr. President! 153 00:14:47,090 --> 00:14:51,213 The bridge is out. Do not enter. 154 00:14:52,652 --> 00:14:57,062 Thank God our president was one hell of a good swimmer. 155 00:14:57,350 --> 00:15:01,858 Nonetheless... there's only one man for this operation. 156 00:15:02,050 --> 00:15:04,255 Agent WD-40. Steele. 157 00:15:04,351 --> 00:15:06,364 Dick Steele. 158 00:15:06,556 --> 00:15:10,776 Dick, Dick, Dick Steele. 159 00:15:10,968 --> 00:15:13,270 Dick. 160 00:15:13,462 --> 00:15:17,776 Oh, Dick, that was incredible. 161 00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:19,886 - Thank you. 162 00:15:20,078 --> 00:15:21,996 Don't thank me, darling. 163 00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:25,832 The art of lovemaking takes two. 164 00:15:26,023 --> 00:15:30,243 Sometimes three or four, depending on how well you do at the crap tables. 165 00:15:30,435 --> 00:15:31,873 - Fore! - Well, my putter's up. 166 00:15:31,969 --> 00:15:34,079 - Fore! - Well, my putter's up. 167 00:15:34,270 --> 00:15:36,956 Oh, Dick, I'm exhausted. 168 00:15:37,148 --> 00:15:41,942 - You are insatiable. - Fifteen minutes to tee- off time. 169 00:15:42,134 --> 00:15:45,778 I think there's something you and I should talk about openly and honestly... 170 00:15:45,970 --> 00:15:48,079 before I head off to my golf game. 171 00:15:48,271 --> 00:15:51,436 - What is it, Dick? - It's a game. 172 00:15:51,532 --> 00:15:54,409 People dress funny. Hit a little ball with clubs. 173 00:15:54,601 --> 00:15:56,518 Drinking is involved. 174 00:15:56,710 --> 00:15:58,628 Is something wrong, Dick? 175 00:15:58,820 --> 00:16:01,026 Whatever we've had between us, 176 00:16:01,122 --> 00:16:03,903 I think it's only fair that you know my heart still belongs... 177 00:16:04,095 --> 00:16:06,587 to the girl I fell in love with years ago. 178 00:16:06,779 --> 00:16:08,985 Victoria. She fell off a cliff. 179 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,862 - She died. - Yes, I know. 180 00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,971 I was just getting to that. 181 00:16:14,163 --> 00:16:17,040 But after Victoria Dahl, well, I don't think... 182 00:16:17,232 --> 00:16:19,917 I'll ever find room for another woman in this... 183 00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:22,985 ripped-apart, torn-up, scarred, burned-out... 184 00:16:23,177 --> 00:16:25,479 Iump in my chest... 185 00:16:25,671 --> 00:16:28,356 where a human heart once beat. 186 00:16:28,548 --> 00:16:31,616 I hope you understand what I'm trying to say to you. 187 00:16:31,808 --> 00:16:34,685 Oh, I'll live, Mr. Steele. 188 00:16:34,877 --> 00:16:38,616 It's your life I'm worried about. 189 00:16:38,808 --> 00:16:41,110 I'm glad you understand. 190 00:16:41,302 --> 00:16:45,234 - I know how much these things can hurt. 191 00:16:45,426 --> 00:16:47,151 Mr. Steele. 192 00:16:47,343 --> 00:16:49,645 [ Woman ] Hi, Dick. 193 00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:55,782 - Hi, Mr. Steele! - Good morning, Mrs. Hudmucker. 194 00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:58,659 Fore! - Watch out. 195 00:17:02,879 --> 00:17:05,180 - You all right? - Thank you. 196 00:17:05,467 --> 00:17:08,057 A little help, please? Thank you. 197 00:17:10,646 --> 00:17:15,153 Dinatelli foursome to starter's window. Mr. Jack Dinatelli. 198 00:17:15,345 --> 00:17:18,702 - Duck! 199 00:17:23,304 --> 00:17:25,798 - Dick, wait! 200 00:17:25,894 --> 00:17:30,113 Well, Steve! 201 00:17:30,304 --> 00:17:33,949 - Steve Bishop. You look great. - Thank you. We go back a long way, huh? 202 00:17:34,141 --> 00:17:35,483 Yeah. 203 00:17:37,592 --> 00:17:39,319 - Let's have a drink. - Okay. 204 00:17:39,511 --> 00:17:41,429 Just sit right there, Steve. 205 00:17:41,621 --> 00:17:44,402 - The usual, Mr. Steele? - You betcha. 206 00:17:44,594 --> 00:17:46,703 - Well, how's everything at the agency? - Ah, Dick... 207 00:17:46,894 --> 00:17:49,964 it used to be such fun killin' a few spies... 208 00:17:50,059 --> 00:17:52,553 with gas from a banana grenade. 209 00:17:52,745 --> 00:17:55,909 But now, huh, it's all bureaucratic politics. 210 00:17:56,005 --> 00:17:58,786 You gotta fill out 20 forms in triplicate... 211 00:17:58,882 --> 00:18:00,800 just to take a piss! 212 00:18:16,623 --> 00:18:19,020 - Boy, that was fun. 213 00:18:19,116 --> 00:18:22,184 - Y eah. - Thank you! 214 00:18:22,376 --> 00:18:24,582 Oh, man, they don't do stuff like that at the agency any more. 215 00:18:24,774 --> 00:18:26,692 I'm sorry to hear that, Steve. 216 00:18:26,884 --> 00:18:29,185 - Uh, Dickie... there is something. - Relax, sugar. 217 00:18:29,281 --> 00:18:31,486 Steve, I'm out of the Service. 218 00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:34,268 There's a plot to launch a satellite. 219 00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:38,199 - Now, I'm out of the Service. Talk about something else. 220 00:18:38,391 --> 00:18:40,693 - Bishop. - Bishop here. 221 00:18:40,788 --> 00:18:42,707 - Got a new lead. Gonna need you here. - Uh-huh. Yeah. 222 00:18:42,898 --> 00:18:44,625 - And get a dozen eggs and a gallon of milk. - Okay. 223 00:18:44,817 --> 00:18:46,542 - I'll leave right away. - Thank you, sir. 224 00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:48,748 - No more headsets. 225 00:18:48,940 --> 00:18:50,858 Ear buttons. They put the receiver right in your head now. 226 00:18:51,050 --> 00:18:53,926 - I gotta get back to the hotel. 227 00:18:54,118 --> 00:18:56,995 - The director wants you to see this. - I'm not interested, Steve. 228 00:18:57,187 --> 00:18:59,680 Please, Dickie. Take a look at the tape. 229 00:18:59,776 --> 00:18:59,872 Please, Dickie. Take a look at the tape. 230 00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:01,598 It'll change your mind. 231 00:19:16,846 --> 00:19:19,146 Hmm-hmm. 232 00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:33,148 She makes a pretty hood ornament, don't you think? 233 00:19:33,436 --> 00:19:38,326 [ Chuckles ] Yes, it is I, good ol' General Rancor. 234 00:19:38,518 --> 00:19:43,025 I'm back, big as life and twice as ugly. 235 00:19:46,285 --> 00:19:48,587 - All Steele did was blow off a couple of arms. - Rancor! 236 00:19:48,779 --> 00:19:52,614 - That's no biggie, no big thing. Now I got plenty of arms. - He can't be alive. 237 00:19:52,806 --> 00:19:55,779 - Your pretty Barbara Dahl-- - My God! 238 00:19:55,971 --> 00:19:58,177 Barbara Dahl. 239 00:20:01,245 --> 00:20:05,273 Victoria... why would your daughter join the agency... 240 00:20:05,465 --> 00:20:07,479 knowing what happened to you? 241 00:20:07,671 --> 00:20:09,300 Why? 242 00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,369 Why? 243 00:20:12,657 --> 00:20:15,054 Why, why, why, why? 244 00:20:15,246 --> 00:20:20,616 Victoria Dahl... you were the only woman I ever loved. 245 00:20:20,808 --> 00:20:24,740 Raindrops keep fallin' on my head 246 00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:30,206 And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed 247 00:20:30,398 --> 00:20:33,083 - Nothin' seems to fit 248 00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:38,261 Those raindrops are fallin' on my head They keep fallin' 249 00:20:38,453 --> 00:20:43,823 So I just did me some talkin' to the sun 250 00:20:44,015 --> 00:20:49,385 And I said I didn't like the way he got things done 251 00:20:49,673 --> 00:20:52,070 Sleepin' on the job 252 00:20:52,262 --> 00:20:56,002 - Those raindrops are fallin' on my head 253 00:20:56,098 --> 00:21:00,605 They keep fallin' But there's one thing 254 00:21:00,796 --> 00:21:02,714 I know 255 00:21:02,906 --> 00:21:06,455 The blues they sent to meet me 256 00:21:06,647 --> 00:21:09,331 Won't defeat me 257 00:21:09,523 --> 00:21:13,359 It won't be long 'til happiness 258 00:21:13,551 --> 00:21:15,661 Steps up to greet me 259 00:21:22,661 --> 00:21:24,579 Raindrops keep fallin' on my head 260 00:21:24,771 --> 00:21:28,415 But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red 261 00:21:28,607 --> 00:21:31,963 For today's top story, we now join Kelly Lange live downtown. 262 00:21:32,059 --> 00:21:34,456 Kelly Lange here for Channel 3 lsland News. 263 00:21:34,648 --> 00:21:38,964 A tragic accident has claimed the life of a businessman identified as Steven Bishop, 264 00:21:39,155 --> 00:21:43,950 when a huge grand piano fell from the 17th floor of the Mayan Hotel... 265 00:21:44,046 --> 00:21:44,142 when a huge grand piano fell from the 17th floor of the Mayan Hotel... 266 00:21:44,142 --> 00:21:46,347 directly behind me and landed on his car. 267 00:21:46,443 --> 00:21:48,266 - An accident? - It seems the man was-- 268 00:21:48,361 --> 00:21:50,471 - Having a kid at 60, that's an accident. 269 00:21:50,566 --> 00:21:54,019 Having a piano fall on you, that's... bad luck. 270 00:21:54,115 --> 00:21:57,663 We're told that they had to remove the driver's body from the oil pan of the car. 271 00:21:57,855 --> 00:22:00,060 - Police are ruling this as an accident. - Operator. 272 00:22:00,252 --> 00:22:02,458 Operator, get me Washington. 273 00:22:02,650 --> 00:22:04,472 - George? - D.C. 274 00:22:09,842 --> 00:22:12,815 I'll take care of the luggage, just some overnight things. 275 00:22:25,664 --> 00:22:28,350 - Bonjour, monsieur. - ...no parking. 276 00:22:28,542 --> 00:22:31,611 Do not leave your baggage unattended. 277 00:22:31,803 --> 00:22:34,679 It looks like you could use a hand. 278 00:22:37,748 --> 00:22:41,391 I'm afraid I'm pretty clumsy. 279 00:22:41,583 --> 00:22:45,323 - You must be headed to Los Angeles. - How do you know that? 280 00:22:45,515 --> 00:22:49,830 - It's written on your ticket. - Oh! Thank you. 281 00:22:49,926 --> 00:22:52,132 You are welcome. 282 00:22:52,324 --> 00:22:54,530 Have a nice flight, and I wish you adieu. 283 00:22:54,721 --> 00:22:58,078 Oh, thank you, but I'm quite satisfied with the 'do I have. 284 00:23:05,270 --> 00:23:08,434 If you want to see me again, turn around now. 285 00:23:18,024 --> 00:23:20,326 Aha. 286 00:23:30,011 --> 00:23:32,024 [ Flight Attendant ] It's right here on the aisle. 287 00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:36,053 [ Man ] No, no, no. I asked for a window seat. 288 00:23:36,340 --> 00:23:39,409 I can't be getting up and down just because somebody wants to be getting in and out. 289 00:23:39,505 --> 00:23:43,628 - I have too much to do. I always have a window seat. - Excuse me, sir. 290 00:23:43,820 --> 00:23:47,656 - I was wondering, do you mind? - No problem. Please, be my guest. 291 00:23:47,848 --> 00:23:50,437 - Actually, I prefer an aisle seat. - Excuse me. Excuse me. 292 00:23:50,628 --> 00:23:53,697 - Be my guest. Here. - Here, let me help you with these. 293 00:23:53,889 --> 00:23:58,396 I hope that this will be the last of the conversations on this trip. 294 00:23:58,492 --> 00:23:59,930 Your ticket. 295 00:24:07,506 --> 00:24:09,328 Take it easy with that luggage! 296 00:24:11,822 --> 00:24:15,178 Excuse me, sir. Could you put your tray table up for takeoff, please? 297 00:24:15,370 --> 00:24:19,014 No, the tray table stays down, please. Thank you very much. 298 00:24:19,206 --> 00:24:22,275 You've made things inconvenient enough as it is. 299 00:24:22,371 --> 00:24:24,576 - What-- What is this? 300 00:24:24,767 --> 00:24:26,590 Is this yours? Do you mind? 301 00:24:26,782 --> 00:24:30,138 - It's my briefcase. Let me make more room for you. 302 00:24:36,179 --> 00:24:39,823 Excuse me. Is this seat taken? 303 00:24:40,015 --> 00:24:41,741 Please. 304 00:24:41,933 --> 00:24:43,659 Thank you. 305 00:24:47,208 --> 00:24:51,523 Do you always take matters into your own hands? 306 00:24:51,619 --> 00:24:54,879 Things often end up in my hands. 307 00:24:55,071 --> 00:24:57,564 And I bet your hands end up in a lot of things. 308 00:24:57,756 --> 00:24:59,482 Let's just say, my hands and things... 309 00:24:59,674 --> 00:25:01,880 are often in the same place at the same time. 310 00:25:03,414 --> 00:25:05,235 Could I get you something to drink? 311 00:25:05,427 --> 00:25:09,743 We'll have dry Minoli and Russos, on the rocks, 312 00:25:09,935 --> 00:25:11,661 stirred, not beaten, twist of lemon, 313 00:25:11,853 --> 00:25:14,058 in chilled glasses, not frozen. 314 00:25:14,250 --> 00:25:16,743 And two of those curly little straws. 315 00:25:51,074 --> 00:25:53,472 Thirty hours, 11 minutes and 10 seconds. 316 00:25:53,664 --> 00:25:56,060 Thirty hours, 11 minutes and 8 seconds. 317 00:25:56,252 --> 00:25:58,170 Thirty hours, 11 minutes and 5 seconds. 318 00:26:02,582 --> 00:26:05,842 [ Director Over Intercom ] Miss Cheevus, when Agent Steele arrives, send him right in. 319 00:26:06,034 --> 00:26:07,760 Mm-hmm. 320 00:26:14,856 --> 00:26:18,884 - Miss Cheevus, is the director available? - No, he's married. 321 00:26:18,980 --> 00:26:22,720 - Oh, you kidder. 322 00:26:22,911 --> 00:26:27,803 Miss Cheevus, you wouldn't be trying to make things hard for me? 323 00:26:27,995 --> 00:26:30,967 Oh, Dick, if only I could. 324 00:26:31,159 --> 00:26:35,187 But you know you and I would work so well together deep undercover. 325 00:26:35,378 --> 00:26:40,461 You know the agency's rules about secrecy. They're very... rigid. 326 00:26:40,652 --> 00:26:44,585 - Yes, and we wouldn't want to blow it, would we? 327 00:26:44,776 --> 00:26:46,694 Why don't you two just get a motel room? 328 00:26:46,981 --> 00:26:49,379 I need you in here now, Steele! 329 00:27:18,724 --> 00:27:22,943 Miss Cheevus, wasn't the director in the office here? 330 00:27:23,134 --> 00:27:26,779 [ Miss Cheevus Over Intercom ] He just buzzed me from in there, my little pumpy - whumpy. 331 00:27:26,971 --> 00:27:28,888 I'll just sit down and wait for him. 332 00:27:47,396 --> 00:27:51,136 Great Scott! Steele, see a doctor! 333 00:27:51,328 --> 00:27:54,972 Good show, Steele. 334 00:27:55,163 --> 00:27:59,000 I hid for two weeks from my ex-wife's attorney in this outfit. 335 00:27:59,192 --> 00:28:01,397 It's good to see you, WD-40. 336 00:28:01,493 --> 00:28:03,410 You're always my most noble warrior. 337 00:28:03,602 --> 00:28:05,808 - Glad to find you, sir. - Yes, yes, well, 338 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,589 we have to find someone else far more important now. 339 00:28:08,781 --> 00:28:12,233 - You saw the tape with Rancor? - I can't believe he's alive. 340 00:28:12,425 --> 00:28:14,631 He's a madman. He wants the world. 341 00:28:14,822 --> 00:28:17,987 But I'll be perfectly frank, Dick. He wants you first. 342 00:28:18,275 --> 00:28:21,823 He knew I'd send you the tape, especially with Barbara Dahl on it. 343 00:28:23,453 --> 00:28:25,563 Barbara Dahl. 344 00:28:25,755 --> 00:28:28,439 Looks just like Victoria when she was alive. 345 00:28:28,535 --> 00:28:30,549 We don't have time for flashbacks. 346 00:28:30,741 --> 00:28:34,002 Rancor wants the world. Fortunately, he wants to kill you first. 347 00:28:34,194 --> 00:28:38,029 That may give us needed time. Barbara Dahl's last transmission was from Los Angeles. 348 00:28:38,221 --> 00:28:40,619 We couldn't hold the trace long enough to pinpoint her. 349 00:28:40,810 --> 00:28:45,221 Find her, you find him, you find the rocket. 350 00:28:45,413 --> 00:28:47,907 For the rest of it, your guess is as good as mine. 351 00:28:48,098 --> 00:28:51,551 - Miss Cheevus, tell Noggin we're coming. 352 00:28:51,935 --> 00:28:53,660 - Hello, Noggin. - Steele. 353 00:28:53,852 --> 00:28:57,304 Good to see you again. Do you have a refill of that deathray laser watch? 354 00:28:57,496 --> 00:28:59,223 - Ah, a new air freshener? - Careful! 355 00:28:59,319 --> 00:29:00,565 - Ah, a new air freshener? - Careful! 356 00:29:00,757 --> 00:29:02,674 Whoo-hoo Oooh 357 00:29:02,866 --> 00:29:05,456 Not again. Oh! 358 00:29:05,647 --> 00:29:08,045 Give me! 359 00:29:08,237 --> 00:29:10,154 Well, this looks like a clever contraption. 360 00:29:10,346 --> 00:29:13,319 A mini-- A mini mobile crime lab? 361 00:29:13,511 --> 00:29:15,813 - It's a briefcase. - I know. What does it do? 362 00:29:15,909 --> 00:29:19,360 It holds important papers, files, pens and a calculator. 363 00:29:19,456 --> 00:29:21,854 I understand. But these numbers here, are they in a certain sequence? 364 00:29:22,046 --> 00:29:24,251 The briefcase is timed to explode? 365 00:29:24,443 --> 00:29:27,703 No, it's a lock so people other than myself can't open my briefcase. 366 00:29:27,895 --> 00:29:30,868 Very complex contemporary technology. 367 00:29:31,060 --> 00:29:35,183 All right, Steele, this is your standard, state-of-the- art field kit with three additions. 368 00:29:35,375 --> 00:29:39,403 This is our latest development: microchip Z-ray lenses, 369 00:29:39,595 --> 00:29:41,513 capable of penetrating a layer of clothing. 370 00:29:41,801 --> 00:29:44,005 You'll be able to see if an enemy is carrying a weapon. 371 00:29:44,101 --> 00:29:45,540 Oh. Director? 372 00:29:45,732 --> 00:29:50,143 Oh, now, Steele... should you find your hands bound, 373 00:29:50,239 --> 00:29:55,417 what you can do is just reach down and pull this pin with your teeth. 374 00:29:58,103 --> 00:30:01,746 Put the tube in your mouth, and squeeze and it will emit a laser beam... 375 00:30:01,938 --> 00:30:04,719 powerful enough to cut steel. 376 00:30:04,815 --> 00:30:06,638 Fire in the hole, Director. 377 00:30:06,829 --> 00:30:09,322 - Huh? Oh. - Thank you. 378 00:30:13,638 --> 00:30:15,460 Oh, and one more thing. 379 00:30:15,748 --> 00:30:17,473 This micro-detonator has a built- in timer... 380 00:30:17,665 --> 00:30:19,967 set to explode 30 seconds after you plant it. 381 00:30:20,159 --> 00:30:22,556 It has enough power to blow up a two-story building, 382 00:30:22,748 --> 00:30:24,474 - so be careful. - Fantastic. 383 00:30:24,666 --> 00:30:26,679 All right. Well, here we go and, uh-- 384 00:30:26,775 --> 00:30:29,844 - Oh, the glasses. - Yeah. Thank you. 385 00:30:30,036 --> 00:30:31,858 Good to see you again, Noggin. 386 00:30:42,694 --> 00:30:44,900 Bienvenidos a Los Angeles. 387 00:30:45,091 --> 00:30:47,106 Welcome to Los Angeles. 388 00:30:47,297 --> 00:30:49,215 Ciudad de los angeles. 389 00:30:49,407 --> 00:30:51,420 City of the angels. 390 00:30:51,612 --> 00:30:53,530 ?Dуnde esta Maria? 391 00:30:53,722 --> 00:30:55,448 Where is Maria? 392 00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:58,134 Maria esta en la biblioteca. 393 00:30:58,326 --> 00:31:00,051 Maria is in the library. 394 00:31:00,243 --> 00:31:03,312 - Do you have a lighter? - I use matches. 395 00:31:03,504 --> 00:31:05,997 Does your mother know you smoke? 396 00:31:06,093 --> 00:31:06,189 Does your mother know you smoke? 397 00:31:06,189 --> 00:31:08,778 Y es, but I don't inhale. 398 00:31:08,969 --> 00:31:12,326 - Kabul. - Uh... 399 00:31:12,518 --> 00:31:15,107 I'm Kabul. Agent WD-40? 400 00:31:15,299 --> 00:31:17,312 Get in, get in. 401 00:31:17,504 --> 00:31:19,422 In the car. 402 00:31:22,875 --> 00:31:25,559 Hello. Excuse me. Ha! 403 00:31:25,751 --> 00:31:28,724 Our operatives believe you may already be in grave danger. 404 00:31:28,916 --> 00:31:32,465 Please take a look at this, Mr. Steele. 405 00:31:32,657 --> 00:31:34,670 In that file is a photo of Desiree More. 406 00:31:34,861 --> 00:31:39,081 She's an expert trained in karate, kung fu and is a crack shot. Be on your guard. 407 00:31:39,177 --> 00:31:41,670 Rancor may have sent her to take you out. 408 00:31:41,862 --> 00:31:44,643 She likes easy-listening and guys who share their feelings. 409 00:31:44,835 --> 00:31:49,438 Her measurements: 36-24-36-22. 410 00:31:51,068 --> 00:31:54,041 Aye, and for God sakes, be careful, WD-40. 411 00:31:54,233 --> 00:31:57,589 One time I got two cousins that got salmonella poisoning in this hotel. 412 00:32:17,535 --> 00:32:20,796 Ah, sure looked like her. 413 00:32:20,988 --> 00:32:23,864 But you can't be too sure. 414 00:32:24,056 --> 00:32:26,741 Y eah, almost positive. 415 00:32:26,933 --> 00:32:28,660 Mm-hmm. 416 00:32:30,002 --> 00:32:31,729 Drink? 417 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,413 - Only when I'm thirsty. - Tap water okay? 418 00:32:34,605 --> 00:32:36,907 Poured, not decantered. 419 00:32:37,098 --> 00:32:38,729 Sometimes you see a woman you'd... 420 00:32:38,921 --> 00:32:40,646 just love to have kill ya. 421 00:32:40,838 --> 00:32:44,195 But timing is everything, so that was not going to be today. 422 00:32:44,386 --> 00:32:46,400 Says who? 423 00:32:46,688 --> 00:32:49,277 She's pretty smart. I decided to play it casual. 424 00:32:49,564 --> 00:32:52,250 Casual is overrated. 425 00:32:55,415 --> 00:32:57,237 Oops. 426 00:33:05,580 --> 00:33:07,593 I think the game is over, Mr. Steele. 427 00:33:07,785 --> 00:33:10,087 You're gonna look like Swiss cheese when they find you. 428 00:33:10,374 --> 00:33:14,211 Oh. That's no Gouda. 429 00:33:47,007 --> 00:33:49,595 "Coca Cabana." 430 00:33:54,870 --> 00:33:57,938 - I'll be back for you. - Where are you going? 431 00:33:58,130 --> 00:34:00,144 In my country we have a saying: 432 00:34:00,336 --> 00:34:02,542 "A man who rides a camel is rich, 433 00:34:02,734 --> 00:34:05,610 but a man who drives a Ferrari can get lucky. 434 00:34:08,391 --> 00:34:12,132 - Oh, gee, I am so sorry. 435 00:34:12,323 --> 00:34:14,049 - What's your phone number? - Loser. 436 00:34:14,241 --> 00:34:16,159 Oh, thank you. 437 00:34:16,351 --> 00:34:18,748 Oh, like, look at what you've done. 438 00:34:18,940 --> 00:34:21,242 End of the line, pal. 439 00:34:21,434 --> 00:34:23,159 Uh... 440 00:34:37,736 --> 00:34:40,229 Hey, goombah! 441 00:34:40,420 --> 00:34:42,626 Huh? 442 00:34:48,188 --> 00:34:50,681 Well, well, if it isn't Agent Steele. 443 00:34:52,216 --> 00:34:55,764 Excuse me. Uh, do you have a light? 444 00:34:58,353 --> 00:35:01,422 Y eah, sure. I got a light. 445 00:35:04,682 --> 00:35:07,655 Ow. Ow. Ow. 446 00:35:16,957 --> 00:35:18,779 Very good. 447 00:35:18,971 --> 00:35:21,368 Well, remind me never to light your cigarette. 448 00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:23,670 You don't lose guys like that for long. 449 00:35:23,766 --> 00:35:25,780 Let's get the bus. We'll be safe there. 450 00:35:28,369 --> 00:35:30,958 - Transfer? Uh, no, thank you. 451 00:35:33,739 --> 00:35:36,904 Mmm, nice dress. 452 00:35:41,123 --> 00:35:42,945 Next stop: 453 00:35:43,137 --> 00:35:45,247 Sunset Boulevard. 454 00:35:45,439 --> 00:35:48,603 I guess it's Sunset Boulevard. 455 00:35:56,370 --> 00:35:58,768 Pop quiz, hotshot. 456 00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:00,782 Someone on the bus without a transfer. 457 00:36:00,974 --> 00:36:05,193 He won't pay the fare. What do you do? What do you do? 458 00:36:05,384 --> 00:36:07,111 Stop the bus and let him off? 459 00:36:07,302 --> 00:36:11,331 Negatory, honcho, because he cut the brake line. 460 00:36:25,043 --> 00:36:27,441 Excusez-moi, monsieur. 461 00:37:31,883 --> 00:37:33,513 That was nice. Nicely done. 462 00:37:33,609 --> 00:37:34,952 That was nice. Nicely done. 463 00:37:35,144 --> 00:37:37,061 Thank you. Thank you. 464 00:37:37,253 --> 00:37:40,226 Next stop: Melrose. I think. 465 00:37:40,514 --> 00:37:43,583 Well, you must be "fameeshed." Let's mangez. 466 00:37:43,774 --> 00:37:46,075 That sounds good, but I'm hungry. 467 00:37:46,267 --> 00:37:47,993 Let's eat first. 468 00:37:51,062 --> 00:37:53,843 - Here you go. You both enjoy yourselves. 469 00:37:54,130 --> 00:37:57,583 - Brian will be right here to take your drink order. 470 00:37:57,775 --> 00:38:00,748 We shared an airplane, a drink. 471 00:38:00,940 --> 00:38:03,912 We've been chased, bussed, seated, but... 472 00:38:04,104 --> 00:38:07,077 I still don't really know you. 473 00:38:07,269 --> 00:38:10,816 I'm Bud Fudlacker. I have a small mail- order business. 474 00:38:11,008 --> 00:38:13,118 I travel with the American Gladiators, 475 00:38:13,310 --> 00:38:15,803 I'm 55, I like small appliances... 476 00:38:15,899 --> 00:38:17,722 and I do tax accounting on the side. 477 00:38:17,913 --> 00:38:20,981 Let me guess. You are Dick Steele, 478 00:38:21,173 --> 00:38:24,434 Agent WD-40 with the Secret Service. 479 00:38:24,530 --> 00:38:28,174 You are 52, you like big screen TVs... 480 00:38:28,365 --> 00:38:30,667 and you want to stop General Rancor. 481 00:38:30,859 --> 00:38:33,544 That could describe a thousand guys. 482 00:38:33,736 --> 00:38:35,462 Tell me about you. 483 00:38:35,653 --> 00:38:39,394 I like loose-fitting clothes, and I drive a '69 Pinto. 484 00:38:39,586 --> 00:38:42,846 [ Chuckles ] Hi, I'm Brian. May I take your drink orders, please? 485 00:38:43,038 --> 00:38:46,298 - I'll have-- - A dry Minoli and Russo on the rocks. 486 00:38:46,490 --> 00:38:48,792 Stirred, not beaten. 487 00:38:48,983 --> 00:38:52,627 With a twist. In a chilled glass, not frozen. 488 00:38:52,819 --> 00:38:56,080 With two of those curly little straws. 489 00:38:56,271 --> 00:38:57,902 Be right back. 490 00:38:59,820 --> 00:39:02,217 Tell me, who are you? 491 00:39:02,504 --> 00:39:05,765 Why don't you use your... 492 00:39:05,957 --> 00:39:09,121 Iegendary skills, and guess? 493 00:39:09,313 --> 00:39:13,341 You carry a UB-21 Schnauzer with a Gnab silencer. That's K.G.B. 494 00:39:13,533 --> 00:39:16,506 You prefer an H&K over an A.K. Your surveillance technique is N.S.A. 495 00:39:16,698 --> 00:39:19,478 Your I.D. is C.I.A. You received your Ph.D. at NYU. 496 00:39:19,670 --> 00:39:24,273 Traded in your G.T.O. for a B.M.W. You listen to CDs by R.E.M. and S.T.P. 497 00:39:24,465 --> 00:39:28,301 And you'd like to see J.F.K. in his B.V.D.s, getting down with O.P.P. 498 00:39:28,492 --> 00:39:32,616 And you probably put the toilet paper back on the roll with the paper on the inside. 499 00:39:32,808 --> 00:39:34,629 Hmm. 500 00:39:34,821 --> 00:39:38,466 Here's to your remarkable powers of observation, Mr. Steele. 501 00:39:38,658 --> 00:39:43,260 I am Agent 3.14, Veronique Ukrinsky. 502 00:39:43,452 --> 00:39:45,178 My father is the professor. 503 00:39:45,370 --> 00:39:49,302 Oh, yes, I know. The megachip. 504 00:39:49,494 --> 00:39:52,754 When he found out he was making the chip for Rancor, and not for the U.S., 505 00:39:52,850 --> 00:39:55,152 he escaped with it, and he is in hiding. 506 00:39:55,343 --> 00:39:57,166 In hiding? Where? 507 00:39:57,357 --> 00:39:59,276 He would not take the chance in telling me where he was headed, 508 00:39:59,467 --> 00:40:03,015 but he said, "The pendant-- 509 00:40:03,207 --> 00:40:08,577 Follow the path of your pendant to find me." 510 00:40:08,768 --> 00:40:12,988 Hmm... haven't seen too many like these. 511 00:40:13,180 --> 00:40:14,907 - Pendant. - Pendant. 512 00:40:15,098 --> 00:40:16,632 - Pendant. - Pendant. 513 00:40:16,824 --> 00:40:20,085 - Pendant. - We don't have much time, WD-40. 514 00:40:20,180 --> 00:40:22,578 Sooner or later, Rancor will find him. 515 00:40:22,770 --> 00:40:26,797 - I'll order our food to go. - Oh, Dick, I am so worried about my father. 516 00:40:26,989 --> 00:40:30,058 What shall we do, huh? What shall we do? 517 00:40:32,264 --> 00:40:36,770 It was a teenage wedding and the old folks wished them well 518 00:40:36,962 --> 00:40:41,854 You could see that Pierre did truly love the mademoiselle 519 00:40:44,058 --> 00:40:49,525 And now the young monsieur and madame have rung the chapel bell 520 00:40:49,621 --> 00:40:51,442 "C'est la vie" said the old folks 521 00:40:51,634 --> 00:40:54,224 It goes to show you never can tell 522 00:41:03,238 --> 00:41:05,252 Excuse me. Do you have reser. 523 00:41:05,444 --> 00:41:08,608 - Steele's here somewhere. 524 00:41:08,704 --> 00:41:12,252 Rancor wants him dead. Find him. 525 00:41:15,225 --> 00:41:17,142 - Dance time is over. Cigarettes? Cigars? 526 00:41:17,334 --> 00:41:19,157 - There he goes. Kill him! - Throwing knife? 527 00:41:19,348 --> 00:41:22,226 Cigarettes? Cigars? Throwing knife? 528 00:41:22,417 --> 00:41:23,856 Thanks. 529 00:41:24,048 --> 00:41:26,444 Cigarettes? Cigars? 530 00:41:26,636 --> 00:41:30,281 - Whoops. 531 00:41:30,569 --> 00:41:32,295 Why? 532 00:41:38,240 --> 00:41:40,926 Quick. Get this up against the door. 533 00:41:48,309 --> 00:41:50,418 I got an idea. 534 00:41:50,610 --> 00:41:52,624 This is a picture of my father. 535 00:41:52,816 --> 00:41:55,789 If we get separated, find him, save him. 536 00:41:58,282 --> 00:42:00,296 Why? 537 00:42:00,488 --> 00:42:04,420 - Go! Go, go, go! 538 00:42:04,612 --> 00:42:08,063 - Oh, shut up! - Ow! I came here to dance! 539 00:42:08,255 --> 00:42:11,132 - Ow! Dick, help me! 540 00:42:11,324 --> 00:42:12,955 - I'll kill you! 541 00:42:13,146 --> 00:42:15,735 - Get in this-- - No, let me go! 542 00:42:29,065 --> 00:42:33,476 - Okay, let's go! - Dick, help me! 543 00:42:39,902 --> 00:42:42,970 Follow the path of your pendant to find me." 544 00:42:43,161 --> 00:42:46,135 - What is that? - It's her pendant. 545 00:42:46,326 --> 00:42:48,340 "Follow the path of the pendant to find me." 546 00:42:48,531 --> 00:42:50,833 Have you ever seen anything like that? 547 00:42:50,929 --> 00:42:54,669 - Ah! - What? What? 548 00:42:54,861 --> 00:42:56,875 No. 549 00:42:57,066 --> 00:42:59,560 Any idea where it came from? 550 00:42:59,751 --> 00:43:02,916 - Museum of Natural History. - How do you know that? 551 00:43:03,108 --> 00:43:06,368 It says it really small right there at the bottom. 552 00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:09,245 All right. Take me to the Museum of Natural History. 553 00:43:09,437 --> 00:43:13,465 - You know, in my country we do have a saying-- - I'm sure you do. 554 00:43:13,561 --> 00:43:13,753 - You know, in my country we do have a saying-- - I'm sure you do. 555 00:43:13,753 --> 00:43:18,068 The saying goes: "The museum is closed at 5::00. You go the next morning at 9::00." 556 00:43:20,274 --> 00:43:23,054 Excuse me, Mr. Pushy! 557 00:43:23,246 --> 00:43:24,972 Son of a bitch. 558 00:43:27,082 --> 00:43:30,055 I'm getting sick and tired of your-- 559 00:43:40,699 --> 00:43:42,617 Mm-hmm. 560 00:43:46,645 --> 00:43:48,754 No, he'd never fit in there. 561 00:43:48,946 --> 00:43:53,358 Ah. Sir- 562 00:43:54,700 --> 00:43:56,426 I'm sick and tired of these games. 563 00:44:01,221 --> 00:44:05,824 This is stupid. Stupid. We're a government agency, for God sakes. 564 00:44:09,180 --> 00:44:11,003 Huh? 565 00:44:13,303 --> 00:44:15,030 Aha! 566 00:44:19,442 --> 00:44:22,222 Good God! You're sicker than I thought! 567 00:44:23,469 --> 00:44:25,866 What is it, Coleman? I'm busy! 568 00:44:26,058 --> 00:44:29,511 - I, uh, can see that. - You wouldn't understand. 569 00:44:29,703 --> 00:44:31,620 It's the ancient art of origatsi. 570 00:44:31,908 --> 00:44:35,552 What I don't understand is your insistence in keeping Steele on this assignment! 571 00:44:35,744 --> 00:44:37,950 He still is no closer to Rancor, 572 00:44:38,046 --> 00:44:40,826 and we have who knows how little time left before Rancor launches this satellite. 573 00:44:40,922 --> 00:44:45,142 You better let me take over this search before I-- 574 00:44:45,334 --> 00:44:47,059 Before you what, Coleman? 575 00:44:47,251 --> 00:44:49,265 I don't know whose monkey you spanked to get this job, 576 00:44:49,457 --> 00:44:52,046 but as far as I'm concerned, you're a disgrace to the Service. 577 00:44:52,142 --> 00:44:53,964 How dare you! 578 00:44:54,060 --> 00:44:56,457 You and your one-for-all-and-all-for-one bleeding heart nonsense! 579 00:44:56,649 --> 00:44:59,334 You're too old to run this agency! 580 00:44:59,526 --> 00:45:01,732 And since you won't step down, 581 00:45:01,924 --> 00:45:04,512 you'll, uh, be stepped on! 582 00:45:06,622 --> 00:45:09,979 - Ha! Loser! 583 00:45:10,171 --> 00:45:14,485 - What you got? - Is there a jewelery district in Los Angeles? 584 00:45:14,677 --> 00:45:18,130 Come on, this is Hollywood. We have jewelery. We have women who are willing to sleep-- 585 00:45:18,322 --> 00:45:22,157 - More important, is there a Russian jewelery section? - Da. 586 00:45:22,349 --> 00:45:24,747 - Where? - I don't know. 587 00:45:24,938 --> 00:45:28,487 There used to be a bunch of Russian jewelers hung out at the warehouse at, uh... 588 00:45:29,925 --> 00:45:31,843 at 31st and Phlegm. 589 00:45:32,034 --> 00:45:35,391 - Ah, damn it! 590 00:45:35,583 --> 00:45:37,309 Meet me back at the hotel. We'll split up. 591 00:45:37,500 --> 00:45:39,418 - After you. - Thank you. 592 00:45:39,610 --> 00:45:41,337 Excuse me. 593 00:45:41,720 --> 00:45:43,734 - Get off! 594 00:45:59,557 --> 00:46:01,859 Whoa! Whoa! Wh-Whoa! 595 00:46:14,708 --> 00:46:16,722 Watch it! Watch it! 596 00:46:29,476 --> 00:46:31,202 - Whoa. 597 00:46:34,559 --> 00:46:36,285 - Cheerio. 598 00:47:02,368 --> 00:47:05,533 You're mine, Steele! 599 00:47:12,246 --> 00:47:14,356 - Whoa! 600 00:47:17,137 --> 00:47:19,534 - Whoa! - Whoa! 601 00:47:25,096 --> 00:47:28,932 - Huh? 602 00:47:48,783 --> 00:47:53,097 Okay, bring it up! Bring it up! Up, up, up! 603 00:47:53,289 --> 00:47:56,166 Okay, that's where the sign goes! 604 00:47:58,085 --> 00:48:00,003 Ah, 31st and Phlegm. 605 00:48:00,194 --> 00:48:01,920 I'm on the waiting list for a co-op. 606 00:48:08,346 --> 00:48:10,742 You better get outta here. I'll see you back in half an hour. 607 00:48:10,838 --> 00:48:12,756 Oh, half hour? I can drop off my dog at the groomer. 608 00:48:42,676 --> 00:48:47,087 - Wha-- - Mr. Steele, I presume? 609 00:48:47,183 --> 00:48:50,924 - Professor-- - Ukrinsky. With a "Y.'" 610 00:48:59,938 --> 00:49:03,198 Ah. Right. 611 00:49:05,404 --> 00:49:07,897 The pendant. 612 00:49:08,089 --> 00:49:10,198 And I suppose... 613 00:49:10,390 --> 00:49:12,500 this is what you need. 614 00:49:12,596 --> 00:49:17,390 - And this is? - This is the controller chip for Rancor's satellite. 615 00:49:17,582 --> 00:49:19,884 Ah, Rancor finally made his megachip. 616 00:49:20,171 --> 00:49:21,898 Who'd have thought the fate of so many human lives... 617 00:49:22,089 --> 00:49:24,008 would rely on something so small? 618 00:49:24,199 --> 00:49:26,980 Well, there's only one thing to do with this. 619 00:49:30,049 --> 00:49:34,364 No! No! What are you doing? 620 00:49:34,555 --> 00:49:38,008 - Trying to make the world safe from tyranny. - You mustn't do that! 621 00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:40,694 This can also be used for world peace! 622 00:49:40,789 --> 00:49:42,707 Oh, I'm sorry. 623 00:49:42,898 --> 00:49:46,543 You'd better let me get that into the proper hands and get you to safety. 624 00:49:49,132 --> 00:49:51,241 - You found me through my daughter, the pendant. - Right. 625 00:49:51,433 --> 00:49:55,557 - Veronique is safe? - Yeah, the van they took her in has dual air bags and seat belts. 626 00:49:58,147 --> 00:50:00,639 - Kabul. - Nice new wheels, huh? 627 00:50:00,831 --> 00:50:04,284 Yeah, quite an improvement. In the back, Professor. 628 00:50:04,476 --> 00:50:07,065 We have to find a safe place for the professor. 629 00:50:07,257 --> 00:50:09,078 In my country, we have saying: 630 00:50:09,270 --> 00:50:12,339 "The rabbit hops, the spider crawls, but the camel spits". 631 00:50:12,531 --> 00:50:14,449 Let's see if this Charger can run. 632 00:50:19,819 --> 00:50:21,737 Now I don't want you to be surprised. 633 00:50:21,929 --> 00:50:25,764 This guy's one of our top agents. He's most capable. 634 00:50:30,943 --> 00:50:32,860 - McCluckey! - Kabul! 635 00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:40,437 - Come on in. - All right. Come on. 636 00:50:40,629 --> 00:50:43,025 McCluckey, we need to hide the professor. 637 00:50:43,313 --> 00:50:46,286 - Professor Ukrinsky, it's an honor. - How do you do? 638 00:50:46,478 --> 00:50:49,451 I've read all your work and your last paper on laboratory loneliness. 639 00:50:49,643 --> 00:50:52,231 - Superb! - Well, thank you. 640 00:50:52,423 --> 00:50:54,821 - McCluckey, I'd like you to meet Agent-- - Dick Steele. 641 00:50:55,013 --> 00:50:58,464 Agent WD-40. Good to see you back in action. 642 00:50:58,656 --> 00:51:03,164 Your video on deception, Is It A Woman? Is The Moustache Real? 643 00:51:03,260 --> 00:51:05,082 Beautiful work! 644 00:51:05,178 --> 00:51:08,534 - Thank you. - McCluckey, we need to hide this guy. 645 00:51:08,726 --> 00:51:11,986 Sure, sure. Come this way. He'll be safe here. 646 00:51:13,041 --> 00:51:14,864 Do you have a telephone? 647 00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:16,877 Right over there. 648 00:51:17,068 --> 00:51:20,042 - Is it clean? - I have a woman that comes in once a week. 649 00:51:24,261 --> 00:51:26,850 - Sir? - What? 650 00:51:27,042 --> 00:51:29,535 I have Dick "Luscious Lips" Steele on the line. 651 00:51:29,727 --> 00:51:32,795 Put him through. 652 00:51:32,987 --> 00:51:34,713 Director, is it safe? 653 00:51:34,809 --> 00:51:39,892 Safe? Just a minute. I'll use the cloaking device. 654 00:51:49,193 --> 00:51:51,303 Go ahead, Dick. It's safe. 655 00:51:51,495 --> 00:51:54,756 I have the chip Rancor needs to launch his satellite. 656 00:51:54,948 --> 00:51:58,975 Good, Dick, good. Are you coming in? 657 00:51:59,167 --> 00:52:01,181 No, Rancor kidnapped the professor's daughter. 658 00:52:01,373 --> 00:52:03,291 I've got to find her. 659 00:52:03,483 --> 00:52:06,263 - Yes, well... good, Dick. 660 00:52:06,455 --> 00:52:10,195 Good luck. Call me if I can help. 661 00:52:18,155 --> 00:52:21,799 - Nineteen hours and 35 minutes. - That Steele's gonna be sorry... 662 00:52:21,991 --> 00:52:24,100 his mama ever met his papa. 663 00:52:24,196 --> 00:52:28,224 - We gonna heat up the fire! Boys! 664 00:52:28,416 --> 00:52:30,142 They always seem to know every move we make. 665 00:52:30,334 --> 00:52:32,059 It's inside. It's got to be somebody inside leaking. 666 00:52:32,251 --> 00:52:34,840 Well, I'm not leaking. I can prove it. 667 00:52:35,032 --> 00:52:36,759 - You go ahead, ask me something. - What? 668 00:52:36,950 --> 00:52:39,635 Ask me something. Ask me who's the director of our agency. 669 00:52:39,827 --> 00:52:42,800 - Who is the director of our agency? - I don't know. 670 00:52:42,992 --> 00:52:44,718 You see, I know who it is, you see? 671 00:52:44,910 --> 00:52:48,745 But I'm not going to tell you, you see, because I am no leak. 672 00:52:48,841 --> 00:52:51,335 This place has got to be a front for Rancor and his men. 673 00:52:51,526 --> 00:52:56,322 - There's one of them now. Follow him. 674 00:52:56,513 --> 00:52:58,910 Do you have to keep revving the engine? 675 00:52:59,102 --> 00:53:03,130 Ah, but it's an American V-8. It's such a beautiful sound. 676 00:53:03,418 --> 00:53:05,431 - Oh, Steele, listen to this. 677 00:53:05,623 --> 00:53:08,692 - My cousin's a recording star. 678 00:53:08,884 --> 00:53:11,281 - Duck! Ow! 679 00:53:22,405 --> 00:53:24,898 - Did he see us? - Shh. Okay. 680 00:53:31,994 --> 00:53:34,200 - I'm going in there. - Okay. 681 00:53:34,296 --> 00:53:37,653 - Give me cover. - I got to buy my lottery ticket. 682 00:53:42,831 --> 00:53:45,229 - Rancor's guy is here. - Right. 683 00:53:45,420 --> 00:53:49,064 That saved a wretch 684 00:53:49,256 --> 00:53:51,749 Like me 685 00:53:51,941 --> 00:53:56,352 I once was lost 686 00:53:56,639 --> 00:54:01,147 But now am found 687 00:54:01,339 --> 00:54:03,449 Was blind-- 688 00:54:07,476 --> 00:54:11,121 - What are you doing here? - I am... the new choirmaster. 689 00:54:11,312 --> 00:54:15,339 - Where did you come from? - The humble room. I was doing refractories. 690 00:54:15,435 --> 00:54:18,025 - "Refractories"? - A new popal revelate. 691 00:54:18,217 --> 00:54:20,901 Uh, John, chapter 7, verse 2. 692 00:54:21,093 --> 00:54:22,340 "Popal"? 693 00:54:22,532 --> 00:54:26,176 Uh, sisters. Michael, chapter 7, verse 2. 694 00:54:26,368 --> 00:54:28,190 "Sing as ye play. 695 00:54:28,382 --> 00:54:31,929 Yea, unto thee a voice like a blenth." 696 00:54:32,121 --> 00:54:34,519 And as you approach the allo tropo, please, 697 00:54:34,711 --> 00:54:38,450 tres mucho picante abierto. 698 00:54:38,642 --> 00:54:41,807 - You know you make me want to shout 699 00:54:41,999 --> 00:54:44,684 Kick my heels up and shout Throw my hands up and shout 700 00:54:44,876 --> 00:54:47,752 Throw my head back and shout Come on now 701 00:54:47,944 --> 00:54:49,958 Don't forget to say you will 702 00:54:50,150 --> 00:54:52,835 - Are you gentlemen with Rancor? 703 00:54:53,027 --> 00:54:56,095 - Steele's here somewhere. 704 00:54:56,287 --> 00:54:58,781 - Sing it right now baby - Well, find him! 705 00:54:58,972 --> 00:55:00,890 - Say you will - Come on, come on 706 00:55:01,082 --> 00:55:05,493 - Say you will - Say that you will 707 00:55:05,685 --> 00:55:08,178 Say that you love me 708 00:55:08,370 --> 00:55:11,247 Say that you need me Say that you want me 709 00:55:11,439 --> 00:55:14,603 - You want to please me - Come on now 710 00:55:14,795 --> 00:55:18,823 Come on now Come on now 711 00:55:19,015 --> 00:55:23,618 I still remember when I used to be nine years old 712 00:55:23,809 --> 00:55:27,070 - Hey, yeah and I was a fool for you - All right, random inspection. 713 00:55:27,262 --> 00:55:30,138 - From the bottom of my soul - Directive 21, Psalm 2. 714 00:55:30,330 --> 00:55:34,550 Yeah, yeah I want you to know 715 00:55:34,742 --> 00:55:38,577 - I said I want you to know right now Ew! 716 00:55:38,865 --> 00:55:41,071 You been good to me sisters 717 00:55:41,263 --> 00:55:43,756 Much better than I've been to myself 718 00:55:43,948 --> 00:55:46,249 So good, so good 719 00:55:46,441 --> 00:55:51,140 And if you ever leave me I don't want nobody else 720 00:55:51,332 --> 00:55:55,838 Hey, hey I said I want you to know 721 00:55:56,030 --> 00:55:58,620 I said I want you to know right now 722 00:55:58,716 --> 00:56:00,538 - Veronique? 723 00:56:00,634 --> 00:56:02,743 - Dick. - You all right? 724 00:56:02,935 --> 00:56:07,346 - Get out of here. This is a front for Rancor. - Yes, I know. 725 00:56:07,538 --> 00:56:13,196 I'll-- I'll get out of here, all right. But you're coming with me. 726 00:56:13,292 --> 00:56:14,922 Stat! Code Yellow! Code Yellow! 727 00:56:15,114 --> 00:56:17,703 - Get me three CCs of epinephrinox! - Right away. 728 00:56:17,895 --> 00:56:20,388 - Get me two liters of gasohol mixed with neonephicine! - On my way. 729 00:56:20,580 --> 00:56:22,785 - Get the electrostatifyer, now! - I'll warm up the generator, sister. 730 00:56:22,977 --> 00:56:24,895 She's about to go into fibrolcanination! 731 00:56:24,991 --> 00:56:27,101 - Prepare the operating room! Yes, sister. I'll get right on it. 732 00:56:30,073 --> 00:56:33,718 For God's sake, can anyone in this hospital help me? 733 00:56:33,910 --> 00:56:37,937 - Say it right now, baby 734 00:56:38,129 --> 00:56:40,047 - Come on, come on. 735 00:56:41,581 --> 00:56:43,499 - Say that you will. 736 00:56:43,691 --> 00:56:47,527 - Now wait a minute 737 00:56:47,814 --> 00:56:50,692 Oh. Mm-mm. No. 738 00:56:50,883 --> 00:56:52,800 You know you make me want to shout 739 00:57:02,198 --> 00:57:04,308 High blood pressure. 740 00:57:08,432 --> 00:57:12,747 Here. You'll be safe here. I'll be right back. 741 00:57:21,474 --> 00:57:25,310 - Okay, the coast is clear. 742 00:57:25,406 --> 00:57:30,009 Oh, Dick, it's so cold. 743 00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:34,420 What have they done to you? They'll pay for this. 744 00:57:34,612 --> 00:57:36,433 Oh, Dick... 745 00:57:43,530 --> 00:57:46,119 Move 'em, fat heads! 746 00:57:46,215 --> 00:57:48,709 Sisters, make 'em holy! 747 00:57:51,106 --> 00:57:53,407 Oh, Dick, you came for me. 748 00:57:53,599 --> 00:57:56,956 Tell me, what's been happening? 749 00:57:57,243 --> 00:58:00,695 Well, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching, getting in touch with my inner child. 750 00:58:00,887 --> 00:58:02,613 I have decided I love you. 751 00:58:02,805 --> 00:58:04,915 But what about my father? 752 00:58:05,107 --> 00:58:08,176 Well, I like him. I just have to get to know him better. 753 00:58:08,368 --> 00:58:10,572 No, is he okay? Have you got his chip? 754 00:58:10,764 --> 00:58:12,874 Oh, no, he's fine, and I've got the chip. 755 00:58:13,066 --> 00:58:15,272 - Oh, I love you too. 756 00:58:18,915 --> 00:58:22,464 - Look out, you crazy nun! 757 00:58:28,505 --> 00:58:30,903 Thanks, guys, I stopped you. You could have been killed! 758 00:58:31,095 --> 00:58:34,546 Quick, let me help. 759 00:58:34,738 --> 00:58:36,560 You smell nice. 760 00:58:38,670 --> 00:58:41,164 Where is my father? 761 00:58:41,260 --> 00:58:43,081 Is he safe? 762 00:58:43,177 --> 00:58:46,438 He's safe, Veronique. Safe as you and me. 763 00:58:46,630 --> 00:58:48,836 So cute. 764 00:58:49,027 --> 00:58:51,232 - Oh! Oh! 765 00:58:51,328 --> 00:58:53,534 - Safer. 766 00:58:53,726 --> 00:58:56,891 In my country, when an irate, armless, psychotic weirdo... 767 00:58:57,083 --> 00:58:58,809 chase your woman, you must hide her. 768 00:59:00,055 --> 00:59:01,877 Upstairs. Apartment 5B. 769 00:59:02,069 --> 00:59:03,891 I'll wait downstairs. I'll keep my eyes open. 770 00:59:07,918 --> 00:59:10,987 I just put in new carpet. Take your shoes off. 771 00:59:18,371 --> 00:59:22,591 Oh, Dick... it is so nice to know... 772 00:59:22,879 --> 00:59:25,563 that everything is going to be all right. 773 00:59:27,385 --> 00:59:29,687 You have the chip. 774 00:59:29,879 --> 00:59:33,331 My father is safe. 775 00:59:33,522 --> 00:59:36,016 You love me, Dick. 776 00:59:36,208 --> 00:59:38,030 Love? 777 00:59:39,469 --> 00:59:43,208 Let me tell you about love, Veronique. 778 00:59:43,496 --> 00:59:46,948 Love is a dew drop on a rose petal. 779 00:59:47,044 --> 00:59:49,634 - Love is a drop of rain, 780 00:59:49,826 --> 00:59:52,990 pure and shimmering and trembling. 781 00:59:53,181 --> 00:59:56,250 So moist, so wet. 782 00:59:56,442 --> 01:00:01,237 - And those tiny little drops of love, 783 01:00:01,428 --> 01:00:03,251 they come together, 784 01:00:03,443 --> 01:00:07,278 gathering up broken buds and fallen flowers... 785 01:00:07,470 --> 01:00:11,402 and dirt and dung... 786 01:00:11,594 --> 01:00:13,416 - and deer droppings, 787 01:00:13,608 --> 01:00:18,114 flowing faster and faster, outward to the sea. 788 01:00:18,306 --> 01:00:20,704 - Onward and onward - 789 01:00:43,527 --> 01:00:45,349 Good night. 790 01:00:45,541 --> 01:00:49,184 We'll talk more in the morning. 791 01:01:15,364 --> 01:01:17,570 - Hey, hotshots. 792 01:01:17,858 --> 01:01:21,406 - Come and get me. - Why, you little, no- good juvenile delinquent! 793 01:01:21,598 --> 01:01:23,228 - Go on! Get him! - Come on! 794 01:01:25,050 --> 01:01:28,119 - Cool. Heads up! 795 01:01:29,557 --> 01:01:31,762 - Nice shot. I'm going. - Go on! Go on! 796 01:01:31,858 --> 01:01:35,023 - We got you now! 797 01:01:35,215 --> 01:01:37,133 Where's the professor? 798 01:01:37,325 --> 01:01:39,531 With Gilligan, dickweed. 799 01:01:43,558 --> 01:01:46,339 - No! - This is for Getting Even With Dad! 800 01:01:46,435 --> 01:01:48,928 - And this is for My Girl. - And this is for My Girl 2. 801 01:01:49,120 --> 01:01:51,997 I wasn't even in My Girl 2. 802 01:01:52,189 --> 01:01:54,299 - We don't care! - We don't care! 803 01:01:57,462 --> 01:01:59,189 Last time I'm gonna ask you, smart boy. 804 01:01:59,381 --> 01:02:02,833 - Where's the professor? - Okay, okay, down the hall to the right. 805 01:02:04,464 --> 01:02:06,669 Okay, the left! 806 01:02:10,505 --> 01:02:12,519 Help! Somebody help me! 807 01:02:12,711 --> 01:02:15,971 They're taking us to Kikiree lsland! 808 01:02:19,231 --> 01:02:24,026 - They've taken him to Rancor! - They won't kill him... not until he's installed the chip. 809 01:02:24,314 --> 01:02:27,670 - Wha-- - Probably not even then. Maybe just torture him a little. 810 01:02:27,862 --> 01:02:31,218 - We'll talk about this on the way. Let's get to Kikiree. 811 01:02:41,671 --> 01:02:43,973 You like this disguise? 812 01:02:44,164 --> 01:02:46,083 It's very good. 813 01:02:46,274 --> 01:02:48,000 I'm proud of this one. 814 01:02:48,192 --> 01:02:51,356 Like this, I can look like anybody. 815 01:02:51,548 --> 01:02:55,289 - Rancor Industries owns this little island. 816 01:02:55,480 --> 01:02:55,576 - Rancor Industries owns this little island. 817 01:02:55,576 --> 01:02:59,891 The natives say there are stranger goings-on here than at Neverland Valley Ranch. 818 01:02:59,987 --> 01:03:02,673 - Look. - Uh-huh. It's nice. 819 01:03:04,111 --> 01:03:07,946 - Kabul, stay in the boat. - Why? 820 01:03:08,138 --> 01:03:09,865 There's a saying in my country: 821 01:03:10,056 --> 01:03:12,933 "When you hear the words, 'Stay in the boat', you stay in the boat." 822 01:03:13,124 --> 01:03:15,139 - Bye-bye. 823 01:03:22,522 --> 01:03:25,016 Dick, this is crazy. 824 01:03:25,208 --> 01:03:30,194 Crazy? Some people think walking down the street muttering to yourself is crazy. 825 01:03:30,386 --> 01:03:32,112 I'll tell you what crazy is. 826 01:03:32,304 --> 01:03:34,893 Crazy is walking down the street with half a cantaloupe on your head, 827 01:03:35,085 --> 01:03:37,099 saying, "I'm a hamster.'" 828 01:03:37,291 --> 01:03:39,496 "I'm a hamster.'" That's crazy. 829 01:03:46,305 --> 01:03:48,223 - Ooh. 830 01:03:48,414 --> 01:03:51,100 My life's work is now complete. 831 01:03:51,292 --> 01:03:53,785 Your cooperation is commendable, Professor. 832 01:03:53,977 --> 01:03:55,702 Thank you. 833 01:03:58,771 --> 01:04:00,498 Throw him in the cell. 834 01:04:00,690 --> 01:04:03,566 - But you said it was for the world peace! Yeah, yeah. 835 01:04:12,005 --> 01:04:15,937 Hello, General. It's Skippy. They're on the island. 836 01:04:16,225 --> 01:04:18,335 Yeah. 837 01:04:18,526 --> 01:04:21,786 Well, well, well, what perfect timing. 838 01:04:21,978 --> 01:04:23,800 - It seems we're gonna have more guests. 839 01:04:23,896 --> 01:04:25,910 - Steele's not dead. 840 01:04:26,102 --> 01:04:27,828 He's on his way here. 841 01:04:28,020 --> 01:04:31,472 - Throw her in with the others! - No! Please! Please! 842 01:04:31,664 --> 01:04:35,500 - I thought you loved me! - Naw, I was just usin' you. 843 01:04:35,692 --> 01:04:38,376 [ Countdown Voice ] Seven hours, 59 minutes and 41 seconds. 844 01:04:38,568 --> 01:04:41,541 Seven hours, 59 minutes and 38 seconds. 845 01:04:41,733 --> 01:04:43,459 Seven hours, 59 minutes and 30-- 846 01:04:49,117 --> 01:04:51,610 Dick, look out! 847 01:04:51,898 --> 01:04:55,350 - Got you now, Steele. 848 01:04:55,542 --> 01:04:57,460 Hey, where you goin'? 849 01:04:57,652 --> 01:05:02,255 Take that! 850 01:05:02,351 --> 01:05:04,268 Hey, come back here! 851 01:05:07,337 --> 01:05:09,735 Nowhere to go, Steele. 852 01:05:15,297 --> 01:05:17,982 How fast can you run, my friend? 853 01:05:18,174 --> 01:05:20,570 - My God! 854 01:05:22,393 --> 01:05:24,311 All right, men, tie him up. 855 01:05:24,503 --> 01:05:27,284 - Okay, go ahead, kill me. 856 01:05:27,476 --> 01:05:31,023 I got a bomb. You touch me, and you'll blow up yourself. 857 01:05:31,215 --> 01:05:35,051 You don't really think I'm gonna fall for that old tied- to-the-bomb trick, do ya? 858 01:05:35,243 --> 01:05:41,476 - Well, how about the old snake trick? 859 01:05:41,668 --> 01:05:44,641 - Ahh! 860 01:06:04,299 --> 01:06:06,121 - What is it? - Shh. 861 01:06:13,889 --> 01:06:16,766 Let's go. 862 01:06:16,958 --> 01:06:21,177 Two hours, 59 minutes and 26 seconds to launch. 863 01:06:21,369 --> 01:06:24,821 Two hours, 59 minutes and 21 seconds to launch. 864 01:06:25,109 --> 01:06:28,177 Two hours, 59 minutes and 19 seconds to launch. 865 01:06:28,369 --> 01:06:28,369 We've got to find a way into Rancor's complex. 866 01:06:31,150 --> 01:06:33,932 - Are you ready? - Ready. 867 01:07:11,810 --> 01:07:13,536 Here, help me with this. 868 01:07:13,728 --> 01:07:16,797 - How patriotic, Dick. - And deadly. 869 01:07:16,989 --> 01:07:19,098 Ooh, Dick. 870 01:07:27,057 --> 01:07:28,976 Bearing 177.5. 871 01:07:29,167 --> 01:07:31,853 On my mark. Hi, Mark. 872 01:07:32,045 --> 01:07:34,537 Get set. 873 01:07:34,729 --> 01:07:37,127 - Father! - My child. 874 01:07:37,318 --> 01:07:41,922 Well, well. Dick Steele. 875 01:07:42,114 --> 01:07:44,798 I'd shake your hand, but I don't remember where it landed. 876 01:07:44,990 --> 01:07:48,347 - Clever! Clever? Clever. 877 01:07:48,539 --> 01:07:50,553 Take their weapons. 878 01:07:54,100 --> 01:07:55,827 - Mm-hmm. 879 01:07:58,128 --> 01:08:01,196 Throw her in with the others. Bind him. 880 01:08:04,937 --> 01:08:08,293 - Oh, Papa. 881 01:08:08,484 --> 01:08:11,074 - Dick Steele? - Oh, Ms. Dahl. 882 01:08:12,800 --> 01:08:14,622 - Barbara Dahl. - Get your paws off me, 883 01:08:14,718 --> 01:08:16,731 - Huh. - you damn dirty apes! 884 01:08:20,664 --> 01:08:22,678 - No! - You remember Barbara Dahl. 885 01:08:22,870 --> 01:08:24,596 Victoria's daughter? 886 01:08:24,788 --> 01:08:29,966 I'd like to see you watch her go up like you watched her mother go down. 887 01:08:30,157 --> 01:08:34,472 But I'd rather let you just be a dessert for my little pet. 888 01:08:36,295 --> 01:08:39,076 What's left of you will have to watch helplessly... 889 01:08:39,172 --> 01:08:43,678 while I play Mortal Kombat with the entire world! 890 01:09:21,846 --> 01:09:26,352 Huh? 891 01:09:33,640 --> 01:09:36,422 It's gonna blow! Hurry up! 892 01:09:47,258 --> 01:09:50,038 Come on! 893 01:10:30,987 --> 01:10:32,904 You are very immature. 894 01:10:33,096 --> 01:10:35,302 Bullies tend to have very bad self- esteem. 895 01:10:37,508 --> 01:10:40,576 Aha! 896 01:10:42,110 --> 01:10:44,604 Oh-ho! 897 01:10:47,481 --> 01:10:49,782 Leave me alone! I'm an unarmed man! 898 01:11:19,798 --> 01:11:23,537 - Oh, Miss Cheevus. - Dick, I'm sorry. 899 01:11:23,729 --> 01:11:26,990 - One minute and 22 seconds. One minute and 21 seconds. 900 01:11:27,182 --> 01:11:29,196 - One minute and 20 seconds. - You were under the influence of an evil man. 901 01:11:29,388 --> 01:11:31,305 - One minute and 19 seconds. - It was still a lousy thing to do. 902 01:11:31,496 --> 01:11:35,141 One minute and 18 seconds. One minute and 17 seconds. 903 01:11:35,237 --> 01:11:39,648 - One minute and 16 seconds. - Oh-oh. General, it's broken. 904 01:11:39,744 --> 01:11:43,484 Well, you'll like space. Lots of elbow room and-- 905 01:11:43,676 --> 01:11:45,690 - One minute and 12 seconds. - Oh, whoops. Sorry. 906 01:11:45,786 --> 01:11:49,237 - One minute and 11 seconds. One minute and ten seconds. 907 01:11:49,429 --> 01:11:53,841 Y eah, you lose, Steele! That countdown is irreversible! 908 01:11:54,033 --> 01:11:56,909 - Really? 909 01:11:57,101 --> 01:11:58,443 - One minute and five seconds. - Well... 910 01:11:58,635 --> 01:12:00,458 - let's just see how... - We need to go! 911 01:12:00,649 --> 01:12:03,431 - One minute and three seconds. - irreversible that really is. 912 01:12:03,527 --> 01:12:05,348 It's irreversible, 913 01:12:05,444 --> 01:12:08,513 and there's nothing you patriotic pansies can do about it! 914 01:12:08,705 --> 01:12:10,815 - 59 seconds, 58 seconds. Let me tell you what being patriotic really is, 915 01:12:11,006 --> 01:12:13,691 you scumbag poop. 916 01:12:13,978 --> 01:12:17,335 This is a great country where a man can sue anyone he wants anytime he wants. 917 01:12:17,527 --> 01:12:21,076 It's a great country because thousands of people die every year... 918 01:12:21,172 --> 01:12:23,568 from handguns, and, yet, at this very moment, 919 01:12:23,760 --> 01:12:28,364 you can still walk into a convenience store anywhere and buy one of those guns. 920 01:12:28,555 --> 01:12:30,664 - That's democracy. - It's finally time somebody does... 921 01:12:30,856 --> 01:12:32,678 what that fool Steele should have done. 922 01:12:32,870 --> 01:12:34,501 - This is a great country... - And it's gonna be me! 923 01:12:34,692 --> 01:12:39,487 - because anyone who's male has the right... - Let's go! 924 01:12:39,583 --> 01:12:42,940 - to run for the office of the President. - Let's go! Move it! 925 01:12:43,131 --> 01:12:45,817 - This is a great country because any moron can 926 01:12:46,009 --> 01:12:48,022 - All right, everyone, drop your guns! 927 01:12:48,213 --> 01:12:50,227 I'm, uh, taking over! 928 01:12:52,817 --> 01:12:55,023 Steele... get down from there. 929 01:12:55,215 --> 01:12:58,762 - Dick, come on. We have to go. 930 01:12:58,858 --> 01:13:01,448 - Now! - Oh! 931 01:13:01,544 --> 01:13:03,366 - Come on! Come on! - I wasn't finished. 932 01:13:03,558 --> 01:13:05,283 Quick! Hurry up! Just move it! 933 01:13:05,475 --> 01:13:07,201 Twenty seconds. 934 01:13:10,558 --> 01:13:13,914 Steele, you're always doing this to me! 935 01:13:15,928 --> 01:13:18,325 - You lose, Steele! 936 01:13:18,421 --> 01:13:20,244 I'm not through! I'll be back! 937 01:13:20,339 --> 01:13:22,736 Maybe just tissue or a brain! 938 01:13:22,928 --> 01:13:25,613 - Open the door! I'm stuck in here! - I'll be back! 939 01:13:25,805 --> 01:13:28,970 - I'm going up, but you and your whole world... 940 01:13:29,161 --> 01:13:31,079 are going down! 941 01:13:31,271 --> 01:13:33,764 - I'll be back, maybe without legs... - Open the damn door! 942 01:13:33,956 --> 01:13:37,600 - or some other minor organ. - Wait! I don't want to miss the fireworks! 943 01:13:49,108 --> 01:13:51,122 How about a hand for General Rancor? 944 01:13:53,136 --> 01:13:55,820 You're not through with me! 945 01:13:57,163 --> 01:13:59,656 - Ah, well. 946 01:14:00,848 --> 01:14:02,848 - Houston, we have a problem. 947 01:14:06,848 --> 01:14:09,848 " ThE EnD " 948 01:14:19,411 --> 01:14:24,877 A man of intrigue He lives for the thrill 949 01:14:27,658 --> 01:14:33,220 Always has places to go and people to kill 950 01:14:35,330 --> 01:14:38,398 Danger is the game he plays 951 01:14:38,590 --> 01:14:42,426 And he holds every card 952 01:14:42,618 --> 01:14:45,494 'Cause if you wanna win 953 01:14:45,686 --> 01:14:48,851 You gotta spy hard 954 01:14:51,632 --> 01:14:56,619 A man of the world so suave and discreet 955 01:14:59,304 --> 01:15:04,482 He trips over the women piled up at his feet 956 01:15:07,839 --> 01:15:10,140 But evil's lurking 957 01:15:10,331 --> 01:15:14,647 So he's always on his guard 958 01:15:14,839 --> 01:15:17,716 'Cause if you're gonna spy 959 01:15:17,908 --> 01:15:22,894 You better spy hard 960 01:15:23,086 --> 01:15:26,347 He's always there 961 01:15:26,539 --> 01:15:30,949 When the chips are beginning to fall 962 01:15:31,141 --> 01:15:34,402 He wouldn't care 963 01:15:34,594 --> 01:15:36,895 If they kicked him and grabbed him 964 01:15:36,991 --> 01:15:38,813 And shot him and stabbed him 965 01:15:39,005 --> 01:15:42,937 And nailed both his ears to the wall 966 01:15:44,470 --> 01:15:46,484 Facing death every day 967 01:15:46,676 --> 01:15:51,280 Is a tough job for any man 968 01:15:51,472 --> 01:15:54,731 But his hours are flexible 969 01:15:54,923 --> 01:15:58,088 And he's got a great dental plan 970 01:15:59,623 --> 01:16:03,170 By the way if you walked in late 971 01:16:03,362 --> 01:16:07,198 Allow me to reiterate 972 01:16:07,390 --> 01:16:10,650 The name of this movie 973 01:16:10,842 --> 01:16:14,295 Was Spy Hard 974 01:16:14,486 --> 01:16:18,226 They called it Spy Hard 975 01:16:18,418 --> 01:16:21,966 You just saw Spy Hard 976 01:16:22,062 --> 01:16:27,624 It's the end of Spy Hard