1 00:00:54,712 --> 00:00:59,308 - Idiot. Hell, no, I won't marry you. Gosh! 2 00:00:59,417 --> 00:01:01,612 What would you do if you were in a situation like this? 3 00:01:01,719 --> 00:01:04,654 Gosh! Gosh! Gosh! 4 00:01:04,755 --> 00:01:06,746 Gosh! 5 00:01:28,446 --> 00:01:32,712 Dear diary, I had that nightmare again. 6 00:01:32,817 --> 00:01:34,682 I fear I'll never get married. 7 00:01:37,488 --> 00:01:41,117 Maybe I am destined to be a sad old spinster... 8 00:01:41,225 --> 00:01:44,023 whose only companionship comes from an absurd amount of cats. 9 00:01:59,643 --> 00:02:01,941 No, that won't be me. 10 00:02:02,046 --> 00:02:05,106 I believe in true love. 11 00:02:05,216 --> 00:02:08,083 My knight in shining armor is out there somewhere... 12 00:02:08,185 --> 00:02:10,380 and I'm gonna find him. 13 00:04:25,189 --> 00:04:27,282 Ooh. Mmm. 14 00:04:40,504 --> 00:04:42,472 Oh, shit. 15 00:04:44,975 --> 00:04:45,955 Ow. 16 00:04:45,990 --> 00:04:46,935 Ow. 17 00:05:01,458 --> 00:05:05,224 - Opah! - Hi, Dad. 18 00:05:05,329 --> 00:05:08,765 Look here, Julia. When you gonna find a man and get married? 19 00:05:08,866 --> 00:05:11,801 You lookin' old, fat and saggy. 20 00:05:13,470 --> 00:05:17,406 And that mole on your forearm, it's growing a mole. 21 00:05:17,508 --> 00:05:21,308 Let's put some hummus on it. It cures everything. 22 00:05:23,747 --> 00:05:25,908 Baby, you gotta find a man. 23 00:05:26,016 --> 00:05:28,348 In our race to protect our Greek heritage- 24 00:05:28,452 --> 00:05:31,546 Yes, yes, yes. And my heritage too. 25 00:05:31,655 --> 00:05:34,590 Let us not forget you are also one-half Indian. 26 00:05:34,692 --> 00:05:39,959 - Your mother's right. - Big sister, we also Japanese. 27 00:05:40,064 --> 00:05:42,191 - And Jewish. - So you're telling me... 28 00:05:42,299 --> 00:05:46,258 I have to marry a guy who's a Greek Indian Japanese Jew? 29 00:05:46,370 --> 00:05:48,930 Baby, you're actin' like that's hard to find. Look around. 30 00:05:49,039 --> 00:05:50,836 They everywhere. 31 00:05:55,446 --> 00:05:59,610 Nicky. Nicky! You're Greek, right? 32 00:05:59,717 --> 00:06:04,279 Yeah. And Indian and Japanese and a Jew. 33 00:06:04,388 --> 00:06:07,118 Huh? You wanna go out with my daughter? 34 00:06:07,224 --> 00:06:10,785 Nah. I don't like redheads. Sorry. 35 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:20,693 Dad, I know I'm no beauty, but I'm not gonna settle. 36 00:06:20,804 --> 00:06:25,605 I respect our heritage, but I believe love is blind. 37 00:06:25,709 --> 00:06:29,475 Somewhere out there is my true love. 38 00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:32,649 No! Back to work. 39 00:06:35,719 --> 00:06:37,710 Coffee? 40 00:06:41,592 --> 00:06:43,457 - More coffee? - Excellent. 41 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,619 Jolly good. I quite fancy some... 42 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:52,635 more coffee, actually. 43 00:06:54,938 --> 00:06:57,133 Pick up. 44 00:06:59,209 --> 00:07:01,575 - Pick up! Pick up! - Okay. 45 00:07:01,678 --> 00:07:04,647 - Pick up! - I'm coming. 46 00:07:41,118 --> 00:07:43,609 - Oh, hell, no! 47 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:47,417 - You're Hitch? - You got a problem with that? 48 00:07:47,524 --> 00:07:50,391 Please, I'm desperate. 49 00:07:50,494 --> 00:07:54,487 Even I can't help you, and I found Star Jones a husband. 50 00:08:01,471 --> 00:08:03,405 Aw, shit. Come on in. 51 00:08:03,507 --> 00:08:06,908 Thanks for seeing me. I heard you're the best. 52 00:08:07,010 --> 00:08:11,344 You're goddamn right I'm the best. Look at all the couples I'm responsible for. 53 00:08:11,448 --> 00:08:13,712 You got Brad and Jen... 54 00:08:13,817 --> 00:08:16,411 Jessica and Nick, Ben and Gwyn... 55 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,011 Ben and Jen, Ben and Jen... 56 00:08:19,122 --> 00:08:21,522 Ben and Matt, Whitney and Bobby... 57 00:08:21,625 --> 00:08:24,355 Kobe and Shaq, Ellen and Anne. 58 00:08:24,461 --> 00:08:26,895 Yeah, I do them too. 59 00:08:26,997 --> 00:08:29,830 Well, there's this guy at the diner where I work. 60 00:08:29,933 --> 00:08:33,994 - We had this... moment. - What happened? 61 00:08:34,104 --> 00:08:37,665 I turned around, and he was gone. 62 00:08:37,774 --> 00:08:41,574 He probably got a good look at your mug and ran. 63 00:08:41,678 --> 00:08:46,342 Why don't we broaden the search from that one guy to just any nigga? 64 00:08:46,450 --> 00:08:49,442 - Okay. - Eight out of ten guys believe... 65 00:08:49,553 --> 00:08:52,716 the first kiss will tell them everything they need to know about a relationship. 66 00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:56,224 So before we get started, let's see what you got. 67 00:09:03,033 --> 00:09:07,436 Ooh, stinky. You got the dragon. 68 00:09:12,876 --> 00:09:14,309 You got a little somethin' in there. 69 00:09:26,523 --> 00:09:28,923 A whole wing? 70 00:09:30,227 --> 00:09:34,425 Extra crispy? Goddamn! 71 00:09:55,852 --> 00:09:58,480 Good gracious! 72 00:10:00,524 --> 00:10:02,151 - Off of me, trick! 73 00:10:02,259 --> 00:10:04,625 What, are you hungry? 74 00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:12,864 I'm hopeless. 75 00:10:15,605 --> 00:10:18,130 I'm never gonna meet my Prince Charming. 76 00:10:18,241 --> 00:10:21,108 I got it! 77 00:10:25,549 --> 00:10:27,483 A reality dating show? 78 00:10:27,584 --> 00:10:30,178 Says here you can meet the man of your dreams. 79 00:10:30,287 --> 00:10:33,051 It also says you have to be beautiful. 80 00:10:33,156 --> 00:10:37,183 Well, you're beautiful-ish. 81 00:10:37,294 --> 00:10:39,159 Oh, come on, Hitch. 82 00:10:39,262 --> 00:10:43,995 The only way I could get on that show is if you magically turn me into a princess. 83 00:10:46,470 --> 00:10:47,417 - Let's roll. 84 00:10:47,452 --> 00:10:48,365 - Let's roll. 85 00:10:53,276 --> 00:10:55,506 - Yo, fellas! 86 00:11:00,684 --> 00:11:02,584 Time to pimp her out. 87 00:11:35,786 --> 00:11:39,916 Mm-mm-mm. 88 00:12:01,578 --> 00:12:03,546 Oh. 89 00:12:16,093 --> 00:12:18,084 Hey! Hey! 90 00:12:23,834 --> 00:12:25,734 Yeah! 91 00:13:03,006 --> 00:13:05,804 Whoa! You're officially pimped out. 92 00:13:12,048 --> 00:13:14,812 All right, girl. Now you're good to go. 93 00:13:21,458 --> 00:13:23,653 Ladies, good evening, and welcome to... 94 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,729 The Extreme Bachelor: Desperate Edition. 95 00:13:26,830 --> 00:13:30,960 By the end of tonight's episode, one of you lucky ladies... 96 00:13:31,067 --> 00:13:35,265 will be chosen by the bachelor to go on a dream date. 97 00:13:35,372 --> 00:13:37,340 So let's meet him. 98 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:41,376 He's a doctor with a 12-inch cock. 99 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:47,041 Ladies, may I introduce the bachelor. 100 00:13:57,961 --> 00:14:00,293 - Hi. Lovely to meet you. - Hi. 101 00:14:00,397 --> 00:14:02,228 - Hello. I'm Grant. Hi. - Hi. 102 00:14:02,332 --> 00:14:04,823 - I'm Grant. - Hi, Grant. 103 00:14:04,935 --> 00:14:06,766 Nice to meet you. 104 00:14:09,372 --> 00:14:13,103 - I'm Julia. - Pleasure. 105 00:14:14,844 --> 00:14:17,904 Now, Grant, the elimination round. 106 00:14:18,014 --> 00:14:21,541 Essentially nixing the girls you don't want to bang. 107 00:14:21,651 --> 00:14:23,744 Who's going to be eliminated? 108 00:14:42,138 --> 00:14:44,629 Nice aim, Grant. Good eye. 109 00:14:57,220 --> 00:15:01,657 - Julia, will you accept this rose? - Yes. 110 00:15:30,587 --> 00:15:31,918 Guys, congratulations. 111 00:15:32,022 --> 00:15:36,425 You have won a dinner for two at A Restaurant. 112 00:15:36,526 --> 00:15:39,017 A Restaurant! 113 00:15:41,431 --> 00:15:44,093 Thanks! 114 00:15:48,204 --> 00:15:50,672 Oh, yeah, that's it! 115 00:15:50,774 --> 00:15:52,674 Oh, God! 116 00:15:55,378 --> 00:15:57,744 Oh, yeah! 117 00:15:57,847 --> 00:16:02,045 Yeah! Yeah. 118 00:16:02,152 --> 00:16:06,111 Yes! Yes! 119 00:16:06,222 --> 00:16:08,156 Yes! 120 00:16:08,258 --> 00:16:10,192 Oh, yeah! 121 00:16:10,293 --> 00:16:13,785 Oh, yes! Oh, yeah! 122 00:16:13,897 --> 00:16:16,457 Yes! Yes! Yes! 123 00:16:16,566 --> 00:16:21,060 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! 124 00:16:21,171 --> 00:16:25,403 Yes! Yes! Yes! 125 00:16:29,145 --> 00:16:33,206 Yes! Yes! Y-Yes! 126 00:16:40,890 --> 00:16:44,883 Oh, God. Whoo! God. 127 00:16:44,994 --> 00:16:48,361 - So you're saying you do want the pork chops? - Yes, please. 128 00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,956 - Okay. - I'll have what he's having. 129 00:16:51,067 --> 00:16:53,262 So, tell me about you. 130 00:16:53,370 --> 00:16:55,861 Oh, I'm just a waitress. 131 00:16:55,972 --> 00:16:59,931 But I-I want to go to school to be a pastry chef. 132 00:17:00,043 --> 00:17:02,603 Oh, hi. My name is Julia Jones. 133 00:17:02,712 --> 00:17:06,842 And for my admissions essay, I'm gonna show all of you at Harvard... 134 00:17:06,950 --> 00:17:10,909 why I would make an amazing pastry chef. 135 00:17:16,726 --> 00:17:19,160 What a coincidence. 136 00:17:19,262 --> 00:17:22,197 I love pie. I've got to take you downtown for the best- 137 00:17:22,298 --> 00:17:24,960 - Hummus pie? - You've been there? 138 00:17:26,169 --> 00:17:28,763 That's actually my recipe. 139 00:17:28,872 --> 00:17:31,705 But- But tell me more about you. 140 00:17:31,808 --> 00:17:35,710 Like, what's your favorite love song? 141 00:17:38,415 --> 00:17:41,543 - It's kind of corny. - Oh, come on. 142 00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:02,628 You're that waitress. You've changed. 143 00:18:02,739 --> 00:18:06,641 Well, I-I was-I was sort of goin' through- through a phase. 144 00:18:08,912 --> 00:18:11,745 I was downright ugly. 145 00:18:12,882 --> 00:18:14,782 I don't remember you ever being ugly. 146 00:18:16,786 --> 00:18:19,482 But I remember you. 147 00:18:29,165 --> 00:18:31,725 I can't explain it, but... 148 00:18:31,835 --> 00:18:35,532 when I'm with you, I just feel so alive. 149 00:18:35,638 --> 00:18:41,338 - Me too. - I just wanna scream and shout and- 150 00:18:41,444 --> 00:18:44,470 - Roll drunks? - Huh? 151 00:18:47,317 --> 00:18:49,979 Uh, Julia? 152 00:18:53,223 --> 00:18:55,350 Come on! 153 00:19:35,798 --> 00:19:38,164 Yes! Yes! 154 00:19:38,268 --> 00:19:40,395 Yes! 155 00:19:40,503 --> 00:19:42,471 Oh, yeah! 156 00:19:47,176 --> 00:19:51,203 - That was... amazing. - It sure was. 157 00:19:59,856 --> 00:20:02,620 She faked it, Grant. 158 00:20:03,693 --> 00:20:06,184 But I didn't. 159 00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:10,398 Meow. 160 00:20:12,068 --> 00:20:13,968 Meow. 161 00:20:48,938 --> 00:20:51,998 Oh, no, no, no, no... 162 00:20:52,108 --> 00:20:53,439 no, no... 163 00:20:53,543 --> 00:20:55,511 no, no, no... 164 00:20:55,612 --> 00:20:59,309 no, no, no, no, no! 165 00:20:59,415 --> 00:21:03,852 No! No! 166 00:21:03,953 --> 00:21:05,921 Ooh. 167 00:21:17,634 --> 00:21:19,534 Hoo. It's tingly. 168 00:21:19,636 --> 00:21:23,436 Grant, how would you feel about meeting my parents? 169 00:21:49,165 --> 00:21:54,535 - So, Grant, ever knock anyone up? - Mom! 170 00:21:54,637 --> 00:21:58,164 I want many grandkids, and how do I know if he's shooting blanks or not? 171 00:22:02,812 --> 00:22:05,144 Bathroom's down the hall. 172 00:22:11,487 --> 00:22:13,921 Just leave the sample on the counter. 173 00:22:32,475 --> 00:22:34,909 Oh, sorry. 174 00:22:37,013 --> 00:22:40,881 That's Jinxers. 175 00:22:44,387 --> 00:22:46,912 Taught him how to do that. 176 00:23:57,393 --> 00:23:59,691 Julia told me your last name. 177 00:23:59,796 --> 00:24:02,424 - How do you pronounce it? - Just how it's spelled. 178 00:24:03,599 --> 00:24:07,467 F-O-C-K-Y-E-R-D-O-D-E-R. 179 00:24:07,570 --> 00:24:10,835 - Fockyerdoder? - Mmm. 180 00:24:10,940 --> 00:24:14,137 Mm-hmm. 181 00:24:14,243 --> 00:24:16,939 Allergic to cats? 182 00:24:17,046 --> 00:24:19,674 Uh, no, no. I-I-I love cats. 183 00:24:19,782 --> 00:24:23,775 In fact, growing up on a farm, I once milked a cat. 184 00:24:25,254 --> 00:24:29,122 I got nipples, Grant. Can you milk me? 185 00:24:34,997 --> 00:24:39,957 May I say that's an exquisite vase. Ancient artifact, I presume. 186 00:24:40,069 --> 00:24:45,735 That's actually an urn containing the remains of Frank's mother. 187 00:24:45,842 --> 00:24:48,572 Well, I'm sure your mother... 188 00:24:48,678 --> 00:24:52,705 would want to celebrate that Julia finally applied to pastry school. 189 00:24:52,815 --> 00:24:56,307 - What? School? - Don't you want me to better myself? 190 00:24:56,419 --> 00:24:58,944 No! I want you to work at the diner until you die. 191 00:24:59,055 --> 00:25:01,285 Grant was just kidding. Right, Grant? 192 00:25:03,226 --> 00:25:05,717 No! 193 00:25:05,828 --> 00:25:08,991 No, no, no, no, no! 194 00:25:11,968 --> 00:25:13,799 Mama! 195 00:25:13,903 --> 00:25:15,837 - Mama! - Grandma! 196 00:25:15,938 --> 00:25:19,374 Jinxers. Jinxers, no. 197 00:25:19,475 --> 00:25:22,410 Oh! Grandma Jones! Oh, God! 198 00:25:22,511 --> 00:25:24,945 - No! Jinxers, stop it! - Hey! 199 00:25:25,047 --> 00:25:27,515 Jinxers! Jinxers, no! 200 00:25:27,617 --> 00:25:29,517 Oh, no, no, Jinxers! No! 201 00:25:29,619 --> 00:25:32,087 - Jinxers, no! No! - Mama! 202 00:25:32,188 --> 00:25:35,419 - Oh! - Get off my mama! Stop humpin'! 203 00:25:35,524 --> 00:25:37,424 Bad kitty! Please! 204 00:25:37,526 --> 00:25:39,756 - Jinxers, no! - Oh! 205 00:25:39,862 --> 00:25:43,389 - I didn't teach him how to do that. - Jinxers, bad cat! 206 00:25:43,499 --> 00:25:46,366 Jinxers, no! 207 00:25:46,469 --> 00:25:48,664 Mama! 208 00:25:49,805 --> 00:25:52,968 - That was a disaster. - It wasn't that bad. 209 00:25:53,075 --> 00:25:57,478 You desecrated my grandmother's remains, and my father hates you. 210 00:25:57,580 --> 00:25:59,741 Why didn't you tell your parents about pastry school? 211 00:25:59,849 --> 00:26:02,477 - I'm working my way up to it. 212 00:26:02,585 --> 00:26:05,986 - I'm just waiting for the right time. - Julia, you're a grown woman. 213 00:26:06,088 --> 00:26:10,923 If you haven't noticed, my family is totally controlling. 214 00:26:11,027 --> 00:26:14,326 - Whoo! - They meddle in every aspect of my life. 215 00:26:14,430 --> 00:26:16,330 Not to mention, no one in our family... 216 00:26:16,432 --> 00:26:19,890 - has ever dated outside of our culture. - He reminds me of Webster. 217 00:26:20,002 --> 00:26:23,995 I just don't see how this could work between us. 218 00:26:24,106 --> 00:26:27,735 Look, so your family's difficult. Whose isn't? 219 00:26:27,843 --> 00:26:30,812 Until I met you, my life was boring. 220 00:26:30,913 --> 00:26:33,643 - Oww! - But you, you're smart... 221 00:26:33,749 --> 00:26:38,482 and interesting and beautiful. 222 00:26:38,587 --> 00:26:41,112 I just want to be with you. 223 00:26:42,858 --> 00:26:44,826 Did you say I was beautiful? 224 00:26:46,162 --> 00:26:48,687 - Come with me. - Ooh-hoo! 225 00:26:48,798 --> 00:26:51,323 It's just a little Jesus juice! Whoo! 226 00:26:51,434 --> 00:26:53,334 Where are you taking me? 227 00:26:53,436 --> 00:26:55,404 - What are we - You'll see. 228 00:27:08,918 --> 00:27:14,686 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 229 00:27:17,460 --> 00:27:19,655 Oh, my God. 230 00:27:19,762 --> 00:27:24,131 Julia Jones, will you marry me? 231 00:27:25,601 --> 00:27:29,128 Yes, Grant Fockyerdoder, I will marry you. 232 00:27:39,648 --> 00:27:43,345 How much will you give me for this? 233 00:27:43,452 --> 00:27:45,443 No. No! 234 00:27:52,461 --> 00:27:54,588 - Fifty bucks. - Shit. That's it? 235 00:27:57,967 --> 00:28:00,697 But it will destroy all evil! 236 00:28:00,803 --> 00:28:03,328 Oh, screw off, wizard! 237 00:28:08,511 --> 00:28:11,412 - Come on. Let's go get some wine coolers. - And some hookers. 238 00:28:14,517 --> 00:28:18,476 My precious! 239 00:28:25,394 --> 00:28:29,797 Before you set the wedding date, I wanted to meet your parents... 240 00:28:29,899 --> 00:28:34,359 because, frankly, Fockyerdoder, I don't know much about you. 241 00:28:36,705 --> 00:28:39,469 I understand, homeboy. 242 00:28:45,247 --> 00:28:48,478 I'll be watching you. 243 00:28:48,584 --> 00:28:50,984 If you do anything to corrupt my daughter- 244 00:28:51,087 --> 00:28:53,555 You'll bring me down to Chinatown? 245 00:28:53,656 --> 00:28:59,595 Chinatown? I'll take your bitch ass to 134th Street... 246 00:28:59,695 --> 00:29:02,255 bust you in the head with a pipe. 247 00:29:05,634 --> 00:29:08,262 Hi, Little Jack. 248 00:29:08,370 --> 00:29:10,270 How come you have Betty's baby? 249 00:29:10,372 --> 00:29:13,671 She's at a swingers convention this weekend, so we said we'd take care of him. 250 00:29:13,776 --> 00:29:17,177 - Oh, how nice. - And Betty's such a good mother. 251 00:29:17,279 --> 00:29:19,406 She's teaching Little Jack sign language. 252 00:29:19,515 --> 00:29:24,043 Oh, I heard about this. Real cutting-edge stuff. 253 00:29:33,162 --> 00:29:37,098 That's right, Little Jack. "Keep your pimp hand strong." 254 00:29:44,206 --> 00:29:47,767 Right! "The dealer pinched." 255 00:29:52,281 --> 00:29:55,842 "What happens when someone rats us out to the cops?" 256 00:29:58,854 --> 00:30:01,652 "Shiv 'em in the kidney." 257 00:30:04,126 --> 00:30:07,687 - "Beotch." - His first word! 258 00:30:07,796 --> 00:30:11,027 - Little Jack, what did you say? - "Beotch." 259 00:30:21,010 --> 00:30:23,342 Is that your dad? 260 00:30:28,751 --> 00:30:32,312 - Uh-huh. - Figures. 261 00:30:46,635 --> 00:30:48,830 Ha! 262 00:30:50,406 --> 00:30:53,500 Grant! Ha! My boy! 263 00:30:53,609 --> 00:30:57,101 Good to see ya. 264 00:30:57,213 --> 00:31:00,341 This is my fiancée Julia, and her parents, Linda and Frank. 265 00:31:00,449 --> 00:31:03,179 Bernie Fockyerdoder. Pleased to meet all of ya. 266 00:31:03,285 --> 00:31:07,722 Frank, give me some sugar. Put her there! 267 00:31:07,823 --> 00:31:10,724 - All right, all right. - And this must be your little girl. 268 00:31:10,826 --> 00:31:15,160 - No, that's my wife. - Wife? So young, so pretty. 269 00:31:15,264 --> 00:31:18,631 And you must be Julia. What a beautiful moment this is. 270 00:31:18,734 --> 00:31:21,362 So beautiful. Just beautiful. 271 00:31:21,470 --> 00:31:23,802 - Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! - Oh! 272 00:31:23,906 --> 00:31:25,874 - Dad. Dad. - Mmm! Mmm! 273 00:31:25,975 --> 00:31:29,877 - What? We're all family now. - I'll just go get the luggage. 274 00:31:29,979 --> 00:31:31,947 So what was that you were doin' back there? 275 00:31:32,047 --> 00:31:34,709 Oh, I was just practicing capoeira. 276 00:31:34,817 --> 00:31:36,944 - Capo-what? - Capoeira... 277 00:31:37,052 --> 00:31:39,145 the Brazilian martial art of dance fighting. 278 00:31:39,255 --> 00:31:42,156 - Beotch. - I've been doing it for weeks. 279 00:31:42,258 --> 00:31:44,158 It keeps me level. 280 00:31:44,260 --> 00:31:46,888 Ah! 281 00:31:46,996 --> 00:31:48,987 Come on. Let's go meet Roz. 282 00:31:49,098 --> 00:31:52,864 Roz! 283 00:31:52,968 --> 00:31:57,132 You're gonna love her. Everybody, this is Roz. 284 00:31:59,942 --> 00:32:02,740 Oh! I've been kvelling to meet... 285 00:32:02,845 --> 00:32:06,178 this meshuggener goyim shiksa all day! 286 00:32:06,282 --> 00:32:08,944 Oh! 287 00:32:11,453 --> 00:32:13,785 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 288 00:32:13,889 --> 00:32:15,948 So, Grant tells me you're a doctor. 289 00:32:16,058 --> 00:32:18,083 Uh, I'm a sex therapist. 290 00:32:18,193 --> 00:32:20,286 I specialize in teenage impotency. 291 00:32:21,463 --> 00:32:24,023 - Who's thirsty? - Mom, no. 292 00:32:24,133 --> 00:32:28,695 Oh, Grantulla's just embarrassed because he lost his virginity to the housekeeper. 293 00:32:35,778 --> 00:32:38,872 Hey, Eduardo. 294 00:33:02,171 --> 00:33:04,036 Thanks, Eduardo. 295 00:33:06,141 --> 00:33:08,075 Ah! 296 00:33:08,177 --> 00:33:10,577 So, is it Harry? 297 00:33:10,679 --> 00:33:12,874 - Is what hairy? - Your name. 298 00:33:12,981 --> 00:33:15,916 - No, no, it's Bernie. - Oh, no, but it is hairy. 299 00:33:16,018 --> 00:33:18,987 - What are you talking about? - I mean, picture this with four pounds of hair. 300 00:33:19,088 --> 00:33:23,047 Oh, stop. So, when's the big date? 301 00:33:23,158 --> 00:33:25,388 Well, we wanted a long engagement... 302 00:33:25,494 --> 00:33:27,826 so we're getting married this Sunday. 303 00:33:27,930 --> 00:33:29,989 Oh, hell, no. I'm not paying for that wedding. 304 00:33:30,099 --> 00:33:33,557 Aw, don't have a conniption, bubbellah. We'll pay for it. 305 00:33:33,669 --> 00:33:36,763 Of course! What? I got a great wedding planner. 306 00:33:36,872 --> 00:33:39,534 You'll meet her tomorrow morning. Let's have a toast. 307 00:33:39,641 --> 00:33:45,045 - To great big matzo balls! L 'Chaim! - L 'Chaim. 308 00:33:45,147 --> 00:33:48,605 I- I couldn't be happier. 309 00:33:48,717 --> 00:33:51,242 Thanks, Dad. 310 00:33:51,353 --> 00:33:53,412 Because Nicky has agreed to marry you. 311 00:34:03,899 --> 00:34:08,336 - Nicky. - Yeah. Good job. 312 00:34:08,437 --> 00:34:11,201 Lookin' good. Nice. 313 00:34:11,306 --> 00:34:13,433 - Dad? - Hmm? 314 00:34:13,542 --> 00:34:17,501 My whole life, I've had this dream... 315 00:34:17,613 --> 00:34:20,207 that a prince would someday come and rescue me. 316 00:34:21,517 --> 00:34:23,610 Grant is that guy. 317 00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:28,588 He's my prince, and he's the one I'm gonna marry. 318 00:34:28,690 --> 00:34:30,783 No, you'll never marry Grant. 319 00:34:30,893 --> 00:34:35,057 I don't trust him. You'll marry Nicky. 320 00:34:35,164 --> 00:34:38,759 Thinkin' about the honeymoon makes my sac all quivery and shit. 321 00:34:46,241 --> 00:34:50,337 Wow. You seem tense. 322 00:34:50,446 --> 00:34:54,314 - When was the last time you and Frank were intimate? - It's been a while. 323 00:34:57,186 --> 00:35:00,417 Whoo! It sure has. 324 00:35:00,522 --> 00:35:05,255 Well, I could show you a few tricks, spice things up again. 325 00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,921 - Like what? - Like a dirty Sanchez. 326 00:35:09,031 --> 00:35:11,465 Like a- 327 00:35:11,567 --> 00:35:13,535 Oh, I don't know. 328 00:35:13,635 --> 00:35:16,297 - Or the Arabian goggles. - Ohh! 329 00:35:16,405 --> 00:35:18,965 Or what about a troll's foot? 330 00:35:19,074 --> 00:35:21,975 Where you don't clip your toenails for eight weeks... 331 00:35:22,077 --> 00:35:24,637 and then you jab it up his ass! 332 00:35:24,746 --> 00:35:27,010 Or a Mexican blowtorch... 333 00:35:27,115 --> 00:35:30,881 where you take a cotton swab, you dip it in alcohol, put it on the top of his dick... 334 00:35:30,986 --> 00:35:32,886 and then you light it on fire. 335 00:35:32,988 --> 00:35:35,218 Is that all you got, Fockyerdoder? 336 00:35:35,324 --> 00:35:38,191 Hold on. 337 00:35:39,728 --> 00:35:42,993 - How do you think it's going? - I think it's going really well. 338 00:35:43,098 --> 00:35:45,965 - You do? - Yeah. Everyone's getting along famously. 339 00:35:46,068 --> 00:35:47,968 Even our dads are hitting it off. 340 00:35:48,070 --> 00:35:51,904 - You might want to put your shirt back on. - Nah. 341 00:36:13,228 --> 00:36:16,220 Oh, man. 342 00:36:29,978 --> 00:36:33,505 The wedding planner will see you now. 343 00:36:38,887 --> 00:36:43,586 I'm Jell-O. Fockyerdoder? Please, have a seat. 344 00:36:47,963 --> 00:36:51,558 Now, I'm here to plan your dream wedding. 345 00:36:51,667 --> 00:36:54,158 So, tell me what you want. 346 00:36:54,269 --> 00:36:56,999 Well, uh, we want a traditional wedding. 347 00:36:57,105 --> 00:36:59,596 Something simple, yet elegant. 348 00:36:59,708 --> 00:37:01,801 Yo, I know exactly the place. 349 00:37:01,910 --> 00:37:04,310 Muy romántico. 350 00:37:04,413 --> 00:37:06,779 Think outside my buns. 351 00:37:06,882 --> 00:37:10,648 It's... not quite what we had in mind. 352 00:37:10,752 --> 00:37:12,743 That's the best I can do on short notice. 353 00:37:12,854 --> 00:37:16,950 You got to book the caterer, pick a piñata, choose your best man. 354 00:37:17,059 --> 00:37:18,959 Oh, I've already taken care of that. 355 00:37:19,061 --> 00:37:21,825 - My best mate Andy flew in this morning. - Andy? 356 00:37:21,930 --> 00:37:23,898 Yeah, we'll meet up at the hotel later. 357 00:37:23,999 --> 00:37:27,992 - I think you two will hit it off tremendously. - I can't wait. 358 00:37:28,103 --> 00:37:30,970 And I can't wait till you see who I booked for the entertainment. 359 00:37:46,388 --> 00:37:48,185 No! 360 00:37:55,631 --> 00:37:58,998 So, where is this best man of yours? 361 00:37:59,101 --> 00:38:02,036 Andy! 362 00:38:10,712 --> 00:38:13,306 Andy's not a guy? 363 00:38:13,415 --> 00:38:15,383 A guy? Heavens, no. 364 00:38:34,503 --> 00:38:37,995 It's great we've remained so close, even after the engagement fell through. 365 00:38:39,708 --> 00:38:41,676 You two were engaged? 366 00:38:48,950 --> 00:38:54,513 Ages ago. It was more physical than anything, really. 367 00:38:58,026 --> 00:38:59,823 Just constant... 368 00:38:59,928 --> 00:39:03,762 mind-blowing, porno-grade sex. 369 00:39:06,635 --> 00:39:08,500 Sex. 370 00:39:08,603 --> 00:39:10,332 - ♪It's easy to see ♪ - Sex. 371 00:39:12,107 --> 00:39:13,870 Sex, sex, sex... 372 00:39:13,975 --> 00:39:16,375 sex, sex, sex... 373 00:39:16,478 --> 00:39:19,276 sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. 374 00:39:25,554 --> 00:39:29,957 S-So, you realized it-it just wasn't right? 375 00:39:30,058 --> 00:39:32,720 Well, she realized it wasn't right. 376 00:39:32,828 --> 00:39:36,730 She dumped me. Just wasn't ready to settle down. 377 00:40:06,228 --> 00:40:08,662 Why is she in slow motion? 378 00:40:08,764 --> 00:40:13,497 - She likes to make an entrance. - Grant! 379 00:40:20,175 --> 00:40:23,008 Oh! 380 00:40:23,111 --> 00:40:25,477 This is Julia. Mmm! 381 00:40:28,750 --> 00:40:32,846 Oh, I have heard so much about you. 382 00:40:32,954 --> 00:40:36,014 Now, Grant told me how attractive you were... 383 00:40:36,124 --> 00:40:38,991 but he never mentioned you were flat-chested. 384 00:40:39,094 --> 00:40:42,154 How cute. 385 00:40:53,408 --> 00:40:57,469 Excuse me while I get out of these wet clothes. 386 00:41:13,595 --> 00:41:17,361 - So, how did you two meet? - We were in Beverly Hills. 387 00:41:55,470 --> 00:41:59,201 I'll give you two grand if I can fuck you in the ass. 388 00:41:59,307 --> 00:42:01,901 - Sounds quite reasonable. - Okay, this is just too weird. 389 00:42:02,010 --> 00:42:04,444 Can we dissolve back now? 390 00:42:04,546 --> 00:42:06,605 And so, eventually, you got engaged... 391 00:42:06,715 --> 00:42:08,649 and then you broke up ages ago. 392 00:42:08,750 --> 00:42:12,413 Sure, if you call three weeks ages ago. 393 00:42:13,555 --> 00:42:16,251 You were engaged to her three weeks ago? 394 00:42:16,358 --> 00:42:18,792 Honestly, Julia... 395 00:42:18,894 --> 00:42:21,021 you have nothing to be jealous about. 396 00:42:21,129 --> 00:42:26,260 Just because I see Grant with another woman doesn't mean I want him back. 397 00:42:39,814 --> 00:42:43,181 Finger sandwich? 398 00:42:43,285 --> 00:42:44,952 Okay, I'll go first. 399 00:42:44,987 --> 00:42:46,619 Okay, I'll go first. 400 00:42:46,721 --> 00:42:49,713 Let me say we don't really need to be here. 401 00:42:49,824 --> 00:42:53,282 - See, we've been dating for five days- - Six. 402 00:42:53,395 --> 00:42:58,230 Five, six days, and this is like a checkup for us. 403 00:42:58,333 --> 00:43:01,268 There's this huge space between us... 404 00:43:01,369 --> 00:43:05,100 and it keeps getting bigger and bigger. 405 00:43:07,809 --> 00:43:09,800 How honest are you with him? 406 00:43:09,911 --> 00:43:12,744 Pretty honest. 407 00:43:12,847 --> 00:43:15,782 I mean, it's not like I lie to him or anything. 408 00:43:17,152 --> 00:43:19,347 I just, uh- 409 00:43:19,454 --> 00:43:23,356 I mean, I-I have little secrets. 410 00:43:23,458 --> 00:43:25,619 Everyone has secrets. 411 00:43:27,162 --> 00:43:29,460 I have hepatitis "C." 412 00:43:35,737 --> 00:43:37,830 How does that make you feel? 413 00:43:39,741 --> 00:43:41,834 I'm not sure, really. 414 00:43:44,179 --> 00:43:47,012 Let me clarify. I love Julia. 415 00:43:47,115 --> 00:43:51,347 I... want her to be happy. 416 00:43:51,453 --> 00:43:54,889 I want good things for her. 417 00:43:54,990 --> 00:43:56,787 But there are times- 418 00:44:14,309 --> 00:44:17,608 You know, when she's sleeping, just take a pillow and- 419 00:44:31,860 --> 00:44:34,226 Thanks for helping me pick out my dress. 420 00:44:34,329 --> 00:44:38,527 To be honest, I was surprised you called. 421 00:44:38,633 --> 00:44:40,897 Well, you're a part of Grant's life... 422 00:44:41,002 --> 00:44:44,938 and that means you're a part of my life too. 423 00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:48,168 You look like a princess. 424 00:44:53,848 --> 00:44:56,339 You don't think it's a bit too much? 425 00:44:56,451 --> 00:44:58,316 Oh, not at all. 426 00:44:58,420 --> 00:45:00,684 I'll go get some pins to fit it. 427 00:45:03,191 --> 00:45:05,022 Uh-oh. 428 00:45:27,715 --> 00:45:30,980 Why do you insist on dressing me in these fruity outfits? 429 00:45:31,086 --> 00:45:35,546 - I'm gonna take this lollipop and shove it up your ass. 430 00:45:35,657 --> 00:45:37,887 I can hear everyone's thoughts. 431 00:45:37,992 --> 00:45:41,291 I love Puerto Rican men. They're spicy. 432 00:45:41,396 --> 00:45:45,332 It's like I'm trapped in a bad Mel Gibson movie. 433 00:45:45,433 --> 00:45:47,333 What the hell was I thinkin'? 434 00:45:47,435 --> 00:45:49,801 He's a freakin' backup dancer. 435 00:45:49,904 --> 00:45:53,567 Dude, I married Britney Spears! 436 00:45:53,675 --> 00:45:57,736 I'm rich! I'm rich, beotch! 437 00:45:57,846 --> 00:46:00,280 - Rich! - Is the bride-to-be ready? 438 00:46:00,381 --> 00:46:03,976 Bride-to-be? Shit. Not if I can help it. 439 00:46:04,085 --> 00:46:06,986 I've got 24 hours to break up this wedding. 440 00:46:07,088 --> 00:46:09,420 - No. - Yes! 441 00:46:09,524 --> 00:46:13,426 I'll turn Grant against you and make him love me again. 442 00:46:13,528 --> 00:46:15,792 Me, me, me! 443 00:46:15,897 --> 00:46:17,922 - Stay away from me! - Oh! 444 00:47:46,321 --> 00:47:50,417 - What is it now? - Grant's got an ex-fiancée. 445 00:47:50,525 --> 00:47:53,016 And she has a thing for him. I just know it. 446 00:47:53,127 --> 00:47:55,721 And they have this long, romantic history. 447 00:47:55,830 --> 00:47:59,095 How can I measure up to that? 448 00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:02,829 You can't. She's fine as hell. 449 00:48:04,305 --> 00:48:07,138 I would tear that shit up! 450 00:48:07,242 --> 00:48:10,678 You know, everything was going so well until she turns up. 451 00:48:10,778 --> 00:48:13,611 Look, he's not with Andy anymore. He's with you. 452 00:48:13,715 --> 00:48:17,082 You gotta put aside your insecurities. It'll all work out. 453 00:48:17,185 --> 00:48:20,484 - Do you really believe that? - No, but my white customers do. 454 00:48:20,588 --> 00:48:23,989 Wow. 455 00:48:24,092 --> 00:48:27,118 Look, I believe in you and Grant. 456 00:48:27,228 --> 00:48:29,662 And before you know it, you'll be walking down the aisle. 457 00:48:29,764 --> 00:48:32,824 Oh, and saying our vows. 458 00:48:32,934 --> 00:48:35,129 And our first dance! 459 00:48:43,211 --> 00:48:46,806 You call that dancin'? No. 460 00:48:46,914 --> 00:48:50,850 - You see this? This is where you live. 461 00:48:50,952 --> 00:48:54,251 Right here. This is your home. Huh? 462 00:48:54,355 --> 00:48:56,346 Well, how about this? 463 00:49:04,399 --> 00:49:08,301 - That bitch be krumpin'! 464 00:49:26,087 --> 00:49:28,055 It's okay. It's okay. 465 00:49:28,156 --> 00:49:30,522 She's never gonna break us up. 466 00:49:30,625 --> 00:49:33,651 Grant and I just have to get through the rehearsal dinner... 467 00:49:33,761 --> 00:49:36,491 and then tomorrow's the big day. 468 00:49:36,597 --> 00:49:39,998 Once we're married, everything will be perfect. 469 00:49:40,101 --> 00:49:42,160 Who are you kidding? 470 00:49:42,270 --> 00:49:45,797 Grant's never gonna marry you. 471 00:49:45,907 --> 00:49:49,365 You're not good enough. He's meant to be with Andy. 472 00:49:49,477 --> 00:49:53,504 - Don't say that! - This is who you really are. 473 00:49:53,614 --> 00:49:56,344 You're a frump, girl. 474 00:49:56,451 --> 00:50:00,854 You may look different, but inside you'll always be me. 475 00:50:00,955 --> 00:50:06,518 - No, please, stop. - You'll be stuck in that diner till the end of time. 476 00:50:06,627 --> 00:50:10,085 I don't believe you. 477 00:50:11,599 --> 00:50:15,262 True love is a myth. You better hurry up and marry Nicky... 478 00:50:15,370 --> 00:50:17,861 before you end up a fat, dusty old maid. 479 00:50:17,972 --> 00:50:20,668 - Never! - You'll see. 480 00:50:29,650 --> 00:50:31,277 Quiet, everyone. Quiet. 481 00:50:31,386 --> 00:50:33,786 Roz has a few words to say. 482 00:50:33,888 --> 00:50:35,788 Oh, thank you, hon. 483 00:50:35,890 --> 00:50:37,687 Mmm! 484 00:50:39,026 --> 00:50:41,290 I would like to make a toast. 485 00:50:41,396 --> 00:50:43,728 To Grant and Julia! 486 00:50:43,831 --> 00:50:47,062 Yeah! What? 487 00:50:47,168 --> 00:50:49,932 Okay! Get crunk! 488 00:50:50,037 --> 00:50:51,527 Get crunked! 489 00:51:12,527 --> 00:51:14,461 You like it? 490 00:51:15,696 --> 00:51:18,290 You look... ravishing. 491 00:51:20,568 --> 00:51:22,593 What? What's wrong? 492 00:51:22,703 --> 00:51:27,606 Grant, your whole courtship has been rocky, to say the least. 493 00:51:29,777 --> 00:51:33,474 I just hope you're not rushing into this marriage with Julia... 494 00:51:34,715 --> 00:51:37,809 as a way of getting over me. 495 00:51:37,919 --> 00:51:40,251 I- 496 00:51:56,904 --> 00:52:00,533 Oh, dear God. A carousel. 497 00:52:04,212 --> 00:52:06,476 I, uh-I'd better get back. 498 00:52:15,223 --> 00:52:18,522 Grant, this is our rehearsal dinner. 499 00:52:18,626 --> 00:52:20,787 We're getting married tomorrow. 500 00:52:22,463 --> 00:52:25,694 I need to know- do you still have feelings for Andy? 501 00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:28,132 Of course not. 502 00:52:29,437 --> 00:52:32,998 I trust you. I just don't want to get hurt. 503 00:52:33,107 --> 00:52:35,371 You have nothing to worry about. 504 00:52:36,477 --> 00:52:38,138 I'm devoted to you... 505 00:52:38,246 --> 00:52:40,043 forever. 506 00:54:58,819 --> 00:55:01,083 No. 507 00:55:01,188 --> 00:55:03,656 Not a zit on my wedding day! 508 00:55:04,692 --> 00:55:06,660 Ohh. 509 00:55:30,685 --> 00:55:32,983 Where the hell is Julia? 510 00:55:34,822 --> 00:55:39,486 Grant, I wouldn't be your best man unless I told you this. 511 00:55:39,593 --> 00:55:42,084 Julia doesn't deserve you. 512 00:55:42,196 --> 00:55:46,599 Oh, come on! She's an hour late for her own wedding. 513 00:55:46,701 --> 00:55:51,195 Maybe she's got cold feet 'cause she knows it's not right between the two of you. 514 00:55:54,375 --> 00:55:56,275 Do you ever think about us? 515 00:55:56,377 --> 00:55:57,901 Yeah. 516 00:55:58,012 --> 00:56:00,708 Me too. 517 00:56:03,484 --> 00:56:05,281 My grandmother's ring. 518 00:56:05,386 --> 00:56:07,547 She gave you this ring on her deathbed... 519 00:56:07,655 --> 00:56:11,455 and made you promise to give it to the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. 520 00:56:11,559 --> 00:56:13,550 You gave it to me. 521 00:56:18,299 --> 00:56:20,199 My grandfather's toe ring. 522 00:56:20,301 --> 00:56:22,428 Didn't he give you this ring on his deathbed... 523 00:56:22,536 --> 00:56:25,403 and make you promise to give it to the woman you'd cherish forever? 524 00:56:26,874 --> 00:56:29,172 You gave that to me too. 525 00:56:31,212 --> 00:56:35,581 - Julia- - Oh! She's just the rebound girl. 526 00:56:35,683 --> 00:56:39,414 I'm ready to take you back. Choose me. Marry me. 527 00:56:40,888 --> 00:56:45,655 Andy, I just don't feel the same way about you anymore. 528 00:56:45,760 --> 00:56:47,728 Julia's the one. 529 00:56:49,130 --> 00:56:51,428 Then one last kiss. 530 00:57:01,408 --> 00:57:03,103 Julia, no! 531 00:58:11,345 --> 00:58:14,246 - Shut up! It's 4:00 in the morning! 532 00:58:14,348 --> 00:58:17,249 Asshole! 533 00:58:17,351 --> 00:58:19,751 Turn that crap off! 534 00:58:26,660 --> 00:58:29,754 - I'm trying to watch Desperate Housewives! 535 00:58:32,166 --> 00:58:34,828 It's called an iPod! Get one! 536 00:59:11,639 --> 00:59:14,039 Oh. Jinxers? 537 00:59:37,932 --> 00:59:39,900 Julia. 538 00:59:44,371 --> 00:59:46,839 Let's get you out of that funk. 539 00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:04,487 Julia, will you marry me? 540 01:00:06,961 --> 01:00:08,656 Please? 541 01:00:13,334 --> 01:00:15,302 It was good, right? 542 01:00:17,404 --> 01:00:20,601 I know Nicky's a little rough around the edges... 543 01:00:20,708 --> 01:00:23,939 but give him a chance. 544 01:00:24,044 --> 01:00:27,639 When your mother and I first got married, we barely knew each other. 545 01:00:27,748 --> 01:00:31,684 I was a mail-order bride, could barely speak the English language. 546 01:00:31,785 --> 01:00:33,776 Dad, you're from Jersey. 547 01:00:33,887 --> 01:00:36,014 I'm tryin' to make a point here. 548 01:00:36,123 --> 01:00:38,387 At first, Linda and I couldn't get along. 549 01:00:38,492 --> 01:00:42,121 But we grew to understand and even respect each other. 550 01:00:42,229 --> 01:00:45,562 I'm proud to say we've been married for 30 years... 551 01:00:45,666 --> 01:00:49,830 and I have you and your sister to show for it. 552 01:00:49,937 --> 01:00:52,838 Now, maybe that's not the fairy tale you dream of... 553 01:00:52,940 --> 01:00:55,704 but that's real life. 554 01:00:55,809 --> 01:00:57,709 So, what do you say? 555 01:01:00,914 --> 01:01:03,815 I've been fooling myself all along. 556 01:01:03,917 --> 01:01:06,511 There is no Prince Charming. 557 01:01:06,620 --> 01:01:11,421 And true love is something that only exists in the movies. 558 01:01:14,995 --> 01:01:18,260 Okay, Dad, I'll marry Nicky. 559 01:01:20,300 --> 01:01:22,268 Back to work. 560 01:01:43,791 --> 01:01:46,692 You're crying. 561 01:01:46,794 --> 01:01:49,763 Tears of joy, Dad. 562 01:01:55,402 --> 01:01:58,371 Thanks, Frank. I'll take it from here. 563 01:02:01,008 --> 01:02:04,671 We are gathered here to join this man and this woman... 564 01:02:04,778 --> 01:02:06,746 in holy matrimony. 565 01:02:06,847 --> 01:02:11,409 Marriage is a contract that should not be taken lightly. 566 01:02:11,518 --> 01:02:15,921 It must be honored by two people who are truly in love. 567 01:03:19,153 --> 01:03:23,385 If anyone has any reason why these two should not be married... 568 01:03:23,490 --> 01:03:25,890 speak now or forever hold your peace. 569 01:03:36,603 --> 01:03:39,231 - I object! - Thank God! 570 01:03:44,077 --> 01:03:46,375 This isn't what you wanted. 571 01:03:46,480 --> 01:03:48,380 It's what I wanted. 572 01:03:48,482 --> 01:03:52,748 I was wrong about Grant. He's a good man. 573 01:03:52,853 --> 01:03:54,548 He even liked you when you were butt-ugly. 574 01:03:54,655 --> 01:03:57,419 - How do you- - I saw it in your flashback. 575 01:03:57,524 --> 01:04:00,118 You and Grant were meant to be together. 576 01:04:00,227 --> 01:04:01,922 I don't know. 577 01:04:02,029 --> 01:04:04,497 You need to read this. 578 01:04:06,800 --> 01:04:09,667 My darling Julia. I'm sorry. 579 01:04:09,770 --> 01:04:12,000 So sorry. 580 01:04:12,105 --> 01:04:14,573 So very, very sorry. 581 01:04:14,675 --> 01:04:18,167 And yet, sorry seems to be the hardest word to say. 582 01:04:18,278 --> 01:04:22,578 If you can ever forgive me and you're ready to make that leap... 583 01:04:22,683 --> 01:04:25,584 I promise I'll be there to catch you. 584 01:04:25,686 --> 01:04:28,587 If you still love me the way I love you... 585 01:04:28,689 --> 01:04:30,953 then meet me where Meg Ryan met Tom Hanks. 586 01:04:31,058 --> 01:04:32,958 On the Internet? 587 01:04:33,060 --> 01:04:35,858 No, not in You've Got Mail, in Sleepless in Seattle. 588 01:04:35,963 --> 01:04:40,297 Right. The observation deck of the Empire State Building. 589 01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:42,300 But how do I get there? 590 01:04:42,402 --> 01:04:45,530 Um, I'll Mapquest directions and I.M. - it to your Blackberry. 591 01:04:45,639 --> 01:04:48,631 But I only have a T-Mobile Sidekick. 592 01:04:48,742 --> 01:04:50,710 You can borrow my Treo 650. 593 01:04:52,346 --> 01:04:55,782 How about we just meet where we had our first date? 594 01:04:55,882 --> 01:04:59,818 A Restaurant? But that's way uptown. Traffic's a nightmare. 595 01:04:59,920 --> 01:05:02,912 The rooftop of your apartment building? 596 01:05:03,023 --> 01:05:06,049 Okay! Great! 597 01:05:06,159 --> 01:05:09,788 This issue's six months old. I hope he's still waiting. 598 01:05:09,896 --> 01:05:13,388 He'd be a fool not to wait for my daughter. Go get him, baby. 599 01:05:13,500 --> 01:05:15,400 Thanks, Dad. 600 01:05:37,257 --> 01:05:39,157 Taxi! Taxi! 601 01:05:39,259 --> 01:05:41,693 - Taxi! 602 01:05:46,133 --> 01:05:48,795 Someone! Someone please help! 603 01:05:48,902 --> 01:05:51,769 Trick! You're getting on my nerves! 604 01:05:51,872 --> 01:05:54,432 I need to get across town fast. 605 01:06:02,749 --> 01:06:05,149 - I owe you. - Damn straight! 606 01:06:05,252 --> 01:06:06,981 I'm Hitch, bitch! 607 01:06:41,488 --> 01:06:45,219 Come on. Open up! 608 01:06:55,001 --> 01:06:57,731 Oh, please! 609 01:07:37,711 --> 01:07:39,611 He's mine! 610 01:07:39,713 --> 01:07:43,046 Keep your damn hands off my man! 611 01:08:10,444 --> 01:08:12,071 I'm too late. 612 01:08:12,179 --> 01:08:14,977 Julia! 613 01:08:16,716 --> 01:08:19,685 Ohh! 614 01:08:28,595 --> 01:08:31,189 What happens after the prince rescues the princess? 615 01:08:31,298 --> 01:08:34,290 She rescues him right back. 616 01:08:35,402 --> 01:08:37,768 You make me want to be a better man. 617 01:08:39,105 --> 01:08:41,005 You had me at "hello." 618 01:08:41,107 --> 01:08:46,170 I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy... 619 01:08:46,279 --> 01:08:48,440 asking him to love her. 620 01:09:29,422 --> 01:09:32,516 What? I'm also an ordained minister. 621 01:09:39,733 --> 01:09:41,724 By the powers vested in me... 622 01:09:41,835 --> 01:09:44,065 I now pronounce you man and wife. 623 01:09:44,170 --> 01:09:45,865 Show her some love, man! 624 01:10:06,960 --> 01:10:09,952 - Bravo! - Beautiful! 625 01:10:13,500 --> 01:10:16,469 Yeah- 626 01:10:35,055 --> 01:10:37,216 Julia! 627 01:10:37,324 --> 01:10:39,258 This is for you. 628 01:10:43,730 --> 01:10:46,790 It's a vaginal thermometer. 629 01:10:48,335 --> 01:10:50,360 It lets you know when you're ovulating. 630 01:10:50,470 --> 01:10:52,665 It's been in our family for generations. 631 01:10:52,772 --> 01:10:55,935 And if you want to keep it our lucky thermometer, don't ever wash it. 632 01:11:01,648 --> 01:11:03,616 - Julia. - Dad. 633 01:11:06,186 --> 01:11:09,087 You're gonna have to find a new waitress. 634 01:11:09,189 --> 01:11:11,453 It's about time. 635 01:11:17,597 --> 01:11:20,691 Come here. 636 01:11:22,102 --> 01:11:25,299 Hey. Take care of my daughter. 637 01:11:26,339 --> 01:11:28,239 Come on. 638 01:11:31,044 --> 01:11:33,444 Good-bye! Best of luck! 639 01:11:45,759 --> 01:11:48,728 Hey, is it too late to crash the Fockyerdoder wedding? 640 01:11:49,829 --> 01:11:51,660 Bye. 641 01:11:51,765 --> 01:11:54,393 And we lived happily ever after. 642 01:11:54,501 --> 01:11:58,904 But not before we went on our honeymoon to romantic Kong Island. 643 01:12:13,353 --> 01:12:15,321 Help! 644 01:12:15,422 --> 01:12:17,982 Please help me! 645 01:12:24,831 --> 01:12:27,391 Help! 646 01:12:27,500 --> 01:12:29,593 Keep the camera rolling. 647 01:12:29,703 --> 01:12:31,568 Oh, God! 648 01:12:31,671 --> 01:12:34,367 Help! Please! 649 01:12:37,477 --> 01:12:40,605 No. No! 650 01:12:46,352 --> 01:12:50,550 Carmen Electra! Carmen Electra! Carmen Electra! 651 01:12:50,657 --> 01:12:54,525 - Carmen Electra! Carmen Electra! - Ooh! 652 01:12:54,627 --> 01:12:57,027 That feels kinda good. 653 01:12:57,130 --> 01:12:59,098 A little... kinky. 654 01:13:01,134 --> 01:13:03,898 Oh, yeah! 655 01:13:06,973 --> 01:13:09,373 I like hairy boys. 656 01:13:33,767 --> 01:13:35,598 - Yes! Yes! 657 01:13:38,104 --> 01:13:39,935 Yes! 658 01:13:40,039 --> 01:13:42,974 Yes! Beautiful. 659 01:13:43,076 --> 01:13:44,976 Yes, drink it. 660 01:13:45,078 --> 01:13:47,012 You're gonna love it. 661 01:13:47,113 --> 01:13:50,082 Is that Cos's hand on your booty? 662 01:13:55,288 --> 01:13:58,189 Cut it! 663 01:13:58,291 --> 01:14:00,282 I'm kind of an amateur tennis player. 664 01:14:00,393 --> 01:14:03,328 I was playing, it was a drizzly day... 665 01:14:03,429 --> 01:14:07,263 and Roz came down and volunteered to hold my balls and keep 'em dry. 666 01:14:07,367 --> 01:14:09,267 - His balls- - We got rained out anyway. 667 01:14:09,369 --> 01:14:11,303 His balls are always wet, whether it's raining or not. 668 01:14:23,249 --> 01:14:26,514 Hey, is it too late for one more parody? 669 01:14:27,954 --> 01:14:29,819 It's on the Hudson... 670 01:14:29,923 --> 01:14:32,858 with breathtaking views of the skyline. 671 01:14:32,959 --> 01:14:34,790 Muy romántico! 672 01:14:34,894 --> 01:14:37,692 Yeah! What? Okay! 673 01:14:37,797 --> 01:14:39,697 Get crunk! 674 01:14:57,450 --> 01:15:01,011 - Hai! 675 01:15:05,925 --> 01:15:09,588 Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah! I'm your baby! Nyah-nyah! 676 01:15:10,630 --> 01:15:12,598 Infantilism. 677 01:16:29,208 --> 01:16:32,268 How often do you have sex? 678 01:16:32,378 --> 01:16:34,278 I don't understand the question. 679 01:16:34,380 --> 01:16:36,848 I mean, it's a PG-13 movie. 680 01:16:36,950 --> 01:16:40,386 We're limited to very mild sexual content. 681 01:16:40,486 --> 01:16:43,512 Above the waist... 682 01:16:43,623 --> 01:16:45,784 over the shirt, no tongues. 683 01:16:45,892 --> 01:16:47,792 No tongue. 684 01:16:47,894 --> 01:16:50,624 How about this week? 685 01:16:50,730 --> 01:16:52,459 Nine. 686 01:16:52,565 --> 01:16:55,625 A hundred and 27.