1
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:36,287
(TEACHER, TEACHER PLAYING)

2
00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:49,471
♪ Young love, teacher's pet

3
00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:53,437
♪ Cheeks flushed, apple red

4
00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,352
♪ Ringing you every day

5
00:00:57,432 --> 00:01:00,060
♪ Begging for a word of praise

6
00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:03,239
♪ I've put aside
my foolish games

7
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:06,275
♪ I run and hide
and call names

8
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:09,323
♪ School's out,
the bells'll ring

9
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:13,411
♪ Now's the time to
teach me everything

10
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:16,585
♪ Teacher, teacher,
teach me love

11
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:19,834
♪ I can't learn it fast enough

12
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:23,087
♪ Teacher, teacher,
teach me more

13
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:26,215
♪ I've got to learn
to love for sure

14
00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:29,260
♪ Lesson one just begun

15
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,343
♪ Growing up ain't much fun

16
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:36,020
♪ Growing up, out of school

17
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:39,024
♪ Out of luck and out of rules

18
00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,019
♪ No one there to tell me how

19
00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:45,986
♪ A different world,
teacher, teach me now

20
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:49,159
♪ Teacher, teacher,
teach me love

21
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:51,453
♪ I can't learn it fast enough

22
00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:55,495
♪ Teacher, teacher,
teach me more

23
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:58,953
♪ I've got to learn
to love for sure

24
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:02,256
♪ Teacher, teacher,
teach me love

25
00:02:02,331 --> 00:02:05,460
♪ I can't learn it fast enough

26
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:06,543
♪ Teacher, teacher,
teach me love... ♪

27
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,839
WALLY: All right, folks.
Can we all settle down for a sec?

28
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,015
I know that you...

29
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:13,637
SANDY: Hey, you settle down.
WALLY: No.

30
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:16,345
Come on, everybody,
settle down. Sandy, come on.

31
00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:17,680
So... No, none of that.

32
00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:21,563
This is not a time to make silly jokes.
It's the time for a little bit of talking

33
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,519
before we really get
to the important part.

34
00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:26,230
Here we go. Well, it's been
another great year here at JAMS.

35
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:29,237
Who can forget
Mr. Pinkus' Haunted Classroom?

36
00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:32,237
Thank you, Sandy, for that.
Yeah, I ain't afraid of no ghost.

37
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:33,737
(ALL LAUGHING)

38
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:37,579
Or the wild success of the book
drive for the women's prison,

39
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:40,327
which Miss Pavicic's class sponsored?
(EXCLAIMING)

40
00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:44,172
Thank you, Beth.
But, as summer draws upon us,

41
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:47,091
it's time not only to say
goodbye to another school year,

42
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:50,137
but, sadly, also to say goodbye
to one of our faculty members.

43
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:52,465
(DISAPPOINTED GROANS)
Yes. Elizabeth?

44
00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,263
Is Elizabeth Halsey here?
There she is.

45
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:56,514
Elizabeth, can you
come on up here?

46
00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:57,594
(APPLAUDING AND CHEERING)

47
00:02:57,761 --> 00:03:01,015
Yes, that's appropriate,
applause, I think. (LAUGHS)

48
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:06,188
Elizabeth, even though you were
only with us for one short year,

49
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:11,275
please know that we will always
consider you part of the JAMS family.

50
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,736
That's sweet.
And we got you a little something.

51
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:14,903
Ta-da!
Oh!

52
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:16,492
Thank you.

53
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:17,614
Wow!

54
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,742
Almost $40.

55
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:23,371
Thank you.
You're very welcome. Speech.

56
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:28,459
Okay, well, I'm really terrible at these
types of things, so I'll make it quick.

57
00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:33,222
I know I've only been here a year,
but there's so much I will miss.

58
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,889
My students probably most.

59
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,300
(SOBBING)

60
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,937
And I wish that I had gotten
to know all of you better.

61
00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:45,684
(TEACHERS CHEERING)

62
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:46,852
(LAUGHING)

63
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:50,523
FEMALE TEACHER:
Happy birthday!

64
00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:54,860
But between four classes and planning
a wedding, my plate was full.

65
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,658
Still, I know our
students are in good hands.

66
00:03:58,321 --> 00:03:59,322
(CAR BEEPING)

67
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:03,160
And even though I'll never
teach again professionally,

68
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:07,123
I've realized that I don't need
a blackboard or a classroom

69
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,837
to set an example.

70
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:11,668
(TIRES SCREECHING)

71
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,134
(YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING
COMIN' PLAYING ON CAR RADIO)

72
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,226
(ELIZABETH WHOOPING)

73
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,944
ELIZABETH: Adiós, bitches.

74
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:44,247
Baby doll? I'm home.

75
00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:45,543
In here.

76
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:49,089
Get yourself hard, 'cause I'm gonna
suck your dick like I'm mad at it.

77
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,207
Oh!

78
00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:55,304
Look, your mom's here.
Hi, Mom. What a fun surprise.

79
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,881
Suitcases. Honey,
are we going on a trip?

80
00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:00,638
Uh, Elizabeth,
we need to talk.

81
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:01,684
Sure.

82
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,060
I'm starting to think that
maybe we need to take a break.

83
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,435
Forever.
Mom.

84
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:08,688
Tell her what the accountant said.
Mom.

85
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:13,651
Steven said that you spent
$16,000 last month.

86
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:15,740
He thinks you're bad news.

87
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,160
I know women like you.
Damn it, Mom.

88
00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:19,987
I told you I
could handle this.

89
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:21,868
I just want to ask
her something.

90
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,203
You truly love my son?

91
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,081
I love him so much it hurts.

92
00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:31,165
All right, then.
When is his birthday? Mom.

93
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:32,707
(SIGHS)

94
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:37,547
I'm not, you know... That is just offensive
that you would even ask me that.

95
00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:38,926
It's today.

96
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,677
I know. God.

97
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,855
That's why I got you this.

98
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:49,399
Okay? Honey, happy birthday.

99
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,356
Boston Market?
And I was gonna suck his dick.

100
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:53,527
So two presents.

101
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:54,604
Mmm-hmm.

102
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,316
Okay, fine.
I'll sign the prenup.

103
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,735
It's over, Elizabeth.

104
00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:01,699
Mark, I'm pregnant.

105
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,200
Bullshit.
No, you're not.

106
00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:05,828
Okay, fine, I'm not
actually pregnant.

107
00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:08,160
You know what,
I'm starting to wonder

108
00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:10,871
whether this has always been
about the money.

109
00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:13,207
You never loved me.
I don't love you?

110
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:16,715
I have been listening to you whine
about opera for the last year.

111
00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:21,678
Okay. If the younger generation doesn't
get into opera, then guess what?

112
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:24,635
No more opera.
An art form has died.

113
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,437
If opera goes away,
we're fucked.

114
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:29,351
I want my ring back.

115
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,650
What am I supposed to do, huh?
Where am I supposed to go?

116
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:04,716
(SIGHS)

117
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:11,349
There she is.
Elizabeth Halsey.

118
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:12,641
(CHEERING)

119
00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:17,063
I am so excited we're gonna be
across-the-hall mates,

120
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:20,908
but I am so sad it's because
your relationship ended.

121
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:23,694
Who are you, again?
Amy Squirrel.

122
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,915
Squirrel?
Yeah. You know...

123
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:29,157
(IMITATING SQUIRREL)

124
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:33,837
Don't worry, you were kind of
a lone wolf last year

125
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:36,916
and so busy planning
the wedding.

126
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:40,259
I found him in bed with somebody else.
Oh, my gosh.

127
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:43,384
It was another man.
Shut the front door.

128
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,974
Somebody needs a hug.

129
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:48,267
Somebody doesn't.

130
00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:54,225
Look. I know you kind of skated by last
year, doing the bare-minimum thing,

131
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:57,026
but I just want to say,
now you're back,

132
00:07:57,102 --> 00:08:01,323
I just know you are gonna
get your teaching on.

133
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:02,732
(SIGHS)

134
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:08,538
I thought the teachers were
supposed to get the apples.

135
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:12,288
Well, I think the students teach me
at least as much as I teach them.

136
00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,920
That's just something
I say sometimes.

137
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,122
Stupid.

138
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,089
Hmm...

139
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:30,931
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

140
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:37,901
Sorry. I just wanted to know if
you wanted to grab some lunch.

141
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:40,023
I'm kind of in the middle
of something, Lynn.

142
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:41,237
My treat.

143
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,446
You know, Lynn, when
I first started teaching

144
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:48,278
I thought that I was doing it
for all the right reasons.

145
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,864
Shorter hours, summers off,
no accountability.

146
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:54,835
I love my summers.
Fresh corn. Mmm.

147
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:59,043
From now on, my full-time job is finding
a guy who's gonna take care of me.

148
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:00,632
God, I pray for that.

149
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:04,257
You know, I spent my entire summer hanging
out at bars near where the Bulls practice.

150
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:07,301
I had some fun,
got some cool souvenirs,

151
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,303
but those guys are not
looking to settle down.

152
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,510
I mean, they all wear condoms,

153
00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:14,722
then they take the condoms with them.
That's how paranoid they are.

154
00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:18,350
Like it's so easy to get pregnant
from some dude nutting into a condom.

155
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,861
Yeah. Ugh. Yeah.

156
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:23,939
You're gonna find
someone great. You are.

157
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:27,902
I've been thinking about it a lot.
I'm like an eight, eight and a half.

158
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:31,238
But if I got a new
pair of tits, right?

159
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:34,206
You don't wanna do that.
You're already so pretty.

160
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:39,622
You have no idea how difficult it is to
compete against these Barbie doll types.

161
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:44,051
Yeah, that's true.
And we're not getting any younger.

162
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,928
Yeah. Though we
should finish up.

163
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:51,474
Wally's got that big
orientation in the auditorium.

164
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,720
Yeah, I'm not gonna go to that.
But it's mandatory.

165
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:56,513
Ooh!

166
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,019
(LAUGHING)

167
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,477
I probably won't go either.

168
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,611
No, I might.

169
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:07,323
I'll probably go and just sit in the back.
Maybe leave early.

170
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:13,289
Maybe stay to the end.
Play it by ear, or just stay to the end.

171
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:14,364
Oh!

172
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,165
I don't know.

173
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:19,578
Okay, well,
this was fun, huh?

174
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,544
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

175
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:30,632
You, me, Aruba, my boat,
this weekend, what do you say?

176
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,890
You think I don't see that
faint tan line on your finger

177
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,889
where your wedding
band usually is?

178
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,437
This is not my
first rodeo, Sarge.

179
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:40,356
Why don't you introduce me
to your single co-worker?

180
00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:41,933
One o'clock.

181
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:45,062
Hey, I'm Jason.
Hi.

182
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:47,397
(LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) So that's
where I learned to water ski.

183
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,653
I fucking love
Lake Geneva.

184
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:50,733
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

185
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:53,578
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

186
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:57,832
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING) I love your belt!
Who makes it?

187
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:02,208
We should do something next weekend.
You should take me somewhere.

188
00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:03,379
You don't have
a plane, do you?

189
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,422
Yeah, right. I'm
just a trainee.

190
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,465
A What?
A trainee.

191
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,135
How much more time are we talking here?
Tomorrow's my last day.

192
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,094
Okay.

193
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,645
The second I finish,
I'm going to my boss's office,

194
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,189
and I'm telling that
motherfucker to go fuck himself.

195
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:23,733
See, I wanna do
something that matters.

196
00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:27,983
I'm going back to school and
becoming an occupational therapist.

197
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:31,236
I wanna do something
important, just like you.

198
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:35,654
An occupational therapist?

199
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:40,166
Do I look like I wanna marry a
fucking occupational therapist?

200
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:41,618
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

201
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:49,883
(ALARM CLOCK BEEPING)

202
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:50,960
(GASPS)

203
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,128
(BEEPING STOPS)

204
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:55,970
Fuck my ass.

205
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,133
(BELL RINGING)

206
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,802
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

207
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:02,518
AMY: Welcome to Air Seventh
Grade Social Studies.

208
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:05,396
I'll be your captain,
Miss Squirrel.

209
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:09,355
Cruising altitude for the year will be
world geography through current events.

210
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,231
We may have
a layover in civics,

211
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,739
so buckle up, 'cause
it's gonna be a crazy ride.

212
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,616
The photographer
was, like, so nice.

213
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:23,668
He made me feel, like,
really, really comfortable.

214
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,587
I might get flown to Kansas
City for their fashion week.

215
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,336
Kansas City!

216
00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:30,333
Stalk much?

217
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:33,845
(MOCK COUGHING) Loser.

218
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:58,612
Hi. I'm Sasha Abernathy.
My mother baked these cookies for you.

219
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,739
Just leave 'em on the desk.

220
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:06,877
You need something?

221
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:14,177
Anyone seen Stand and Deliver?
Show of hands.

222
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:18,803
You kidding me?
Edward James Olmos?

223
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,093
Lou Diamond Phillips?

224
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,938
Wow. All right.

225
00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:30,019
You and you, grab
the TV and roll it up front.

226
00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:32,149
We're watching a movie
on the first day?

227
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,447
I think it's awesome.
You rock.

228
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,150
(GROANS)

229
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,112
These cookies suck.

230
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,326
(STAND AND DELIVER
THEME PLAYING FROM TV)

231
00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:48,953
(SIGHS DEEPLY)

232
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,962
Would everyone
please try to find a seat?

233
00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:58,717
TRISTAN: Incoming.

234
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:02,300
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)

235
00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:05,344
AMY: Garrett, honey?

236
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:09,857
Elizabeth. Hey. Russell.

237
00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:12,777
Russell Gettis,
gym teacher.

238
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:16,402
We did bus duty together
last spring. Yeah.

239
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:19,951
So, I heard about the whole
engagement thing. That blows.

240
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:23,030
Did you know I walked in
on him trying to fuck his dog?

241
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:24,455
Peanut butter everywhere.

242
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:25,990
That's gross.

243
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:29,619
Anyway... Hey, uh,
might be too soon,

244
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,751
but you wanna, like, grab a
bite or something sometime?

245
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:35,209
You still a gym teacher?
I am, yeah.

246
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,884
Then no.
(CHUCKLES)

247
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:40,798
I don't date co-workers.
I won't tell anyone.

248
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,757
I also said no.

249
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:46,053
Okay, cool. Well,
this has been awesome.

250
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:50,849
Somebody's got a
case of the sleepies.

251
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,685
What? Did you see the
coleslaw altercation?

252
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:58,990
Yeah. That one kid hit the
other kid with some coleslaw.

253
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:03,036
You weren't at the orientation
the other day. Okay.

254
00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:06,206
Boy, Elizabeth, you missed
a boatload of stuff.

255
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:12,541
Anyways, at the orientation, I suggested
a new system for supervising lunch.

256
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,460
It's a quadrant system.

257
00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:17,133
I tell you what, why don't
you just send me a memo,

258
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:19,176
and, if I have any
questions, I'll find you.

259
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,671
Oh, ooh!

260
00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:23,139
Yeah. Meant to ask,

261
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:28,183
did I hear you were showing a movie this
morning on the first day of school?

262
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,313
How do I know
what you heard?

263
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:33,733
Listen, I don't wanna tell you
how to run your class,

264
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:37,529
but maybe it might be fun
to try some ice breakers.

265
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,981
Like telephone charades
or the string game.

266
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,324
Are we gonna have
a problem, me and you?

267
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,285
God, no.

268
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:55,623
If I gave you that impression, well,
I'm so sorry because, actually,

269
00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:59,209
I was really hoping we could be more
than just across-the-hall mates.

270
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,796
I don't know what you heard,
but I don't eat muff pie.

271
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:07,680
No, of course not.
I don't even know what that is.

272
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:10,762
I just meant friends.

273
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:14,270
Tell you what, friend, I've
gotta get going. Cover me.

274
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,104
Elizabeth, lunch doesn't end
for another seven minutes.

275
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:21,610
Who's gonna watch
your quadrant?

276
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:33,660
Hi, there. You look
like Losty McLosterson.

277
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,627
I know, right?
Can you tell me where Room 107 is?

278
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:39,582
I'll do you one better.
I'll take you there.

279
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:43,424
You don't have to do that.
Oh, stop it. Be my pleasure.

280
00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:45,551
Scott Delacorte.
Elizabeth Halsey.

281
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:48,596
I'm the new sub.
Welcome, welcome.

282
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,268
Thank you.
Is that a Jaeger-LeCoultre?

283
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:53,809
Good eye.
Thanks.

284
00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:55,856
I love men's watches.
It's kind of a hobby.

285
00:16:55,932 --> 00:17:00,187
You know, sometimes I get self-conscious
about it, but my grandfather made it, so...

286
00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:03,531
Your grandfather designs watches?
The family business.

287
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,279
Yeah, my mother's maiden name
is LeCoultre.

288
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:06,526
(BELL RINGING)

289
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,699
Shut up.

290
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,326
So, did you and your
wife just move to town?

291
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:15,330
I'm not married.
I actually just got out of a relationship.

292
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,377
Catherine. Yeah.

293
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,669
It's been a year and she's still
the wallpaper on my phone.

294
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:23,376
She has such a big heart.

295
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,137
Looks like enormous.

296
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:34,938
As you can see, the weight is evenly
distributed and there's minimal scarring.

297
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,182
Dr. Vogel,
best hands in Chicago.

298
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:42,108
May I? Absolutely.
Take 'em for a spin.

299
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,648
God.

300
00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:48,151
Wow.
Yeah.

301
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,785
These are amazing.

302
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:50,903
Thank you.

303
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:52,993
And the nipples.

304
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,073
I know.

305
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:55,700
I'll take two.

306
00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:57,585
(ALL LAUGHING)

307
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,417
The total is $9,300
for the surgery,

308
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,502
plus one night
stay at our facility.

309
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,338
How would you like to pay?

310
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:09,505
That's absurd.

311
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,762
I'm a teacher,
not a drug dealer.

312
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:14,227
We accept all
major credit cards.

313
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:18,940
Yeah, well, my credit situation
is a little complicated.

314
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:22,352
I'm sorry, but if you can't pay, then
I can't schedule the appointment.

315
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,400
ELIZABETH:
I just really need some money.

316
00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:29,442
As a matter of fact,
it is about my tits, Dad.

317
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:33,704
Well, maybe if I had gotten
yours and not Mom's...

318
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,870
Look, I'm not gonna beat
around the bush, Grandma.

319
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,042
I'm dying and I need
money for surgery.

320
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,203
(HISSING)

321
00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:44,582
Really? Nothing!

322
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:48,048
I'm rooming with a guy
I met on Craigslist.

323
00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:49,966
All I'm asking you
for is $10,000.

324
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:56,387
You owe me for breaking off the engagement.
You know how humiliating that was?

325
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,562
Okay.

326
00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:02,062
Lover, lover, look,
I don't wanna fight.

327
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:04,985
It's only $10,000.
It would mean the world to me.

328
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,070
Lover?

329
00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:09,569
Are you there?

330
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,492
Fucking troll!

331
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,112
Did you call my name?
No.

332
00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:18,950
I said, "Fucking troll."
I thought you said "Kirk."

333
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,502
Do you have 10 grand?

334
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:24,580
Nope.

335
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:28,634
And, also, I might be a little
short on rent this month.

336
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,132
Like a lot short.

337
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:32,175
This might help.

338
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:37,678
You wanna get wasted?
Uh, yeah.

339
00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:39,304
Cool. See you.

340
00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:45,769
MORGAN FREEMAN: We are in a state
of emergency and my word is law.

341
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:48,487
There 's only one boss in this
place and that's me.

342
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,865
The HNIC.

343
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,192
(BELL RINGING)

344
00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:56,328
All right. We'll pick
this up again tomorrow.

345
00:19:57,947 --> 00:19:58,948
(CLEARS THROAT)

346
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,162
Can I help you?

347
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:03,160
(MUTTERING)

348
00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,050
What?

349
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:16,007
I'm the student leader
for the trip to Springfield.

350
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:17,299
Shocker.

351
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,101
We're having our
car wash this weekend.

352
00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:20,803
If you're around,
maybe we could wash your car.

353
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,314
I got some Mexicans that
already do it for nothing.

354
00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:26,188
Well, the Springfield trip's the
best part of seventh grade.

355
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:28,986
Last year's car
wash raised $6,000.

356
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:31,313
Woah!

357
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:34,116
Bringing these
magazines to school

358
00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:35,818
is not the way you're gonna
make friends, Arkady.

359
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,369
Those eighth grade
boys are just using you.

360
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,739
So I go now?

361
00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:44,457
Yes, you go now, but if I see these
again, I'm going to call your parents.

362
00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:45,661
Do you understand?

363
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:48,919
Go to class.

364
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,176
Hey, hey. Hey.

365
00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:53,836
(WALLY GRUNTING)

366
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:55,383
Go to class!

367
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,515
Another exciting day
at the principal's office.

368
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,472
Do you have a second?
Uh, yeah.

369
00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:06,398
Oh, you know what,
I wanted to talk to you, too.

370
00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:09,774
Did I hear that right, that you
were showing movies all last week?

371
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:10,978
Hmm?

372
00:21:11,061 --> 00:21:12,313
Some clips, maybe.

373
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:16,822
But, you know, in a lot of ways, I
think that movies are the new books.

374
00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,028
Uh-huh.

375
00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:28,621
Is this new?

376
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:31,332
God, I love it.

377
00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:35,469
You know, I've always said that
dolphins are the humans of the sea.

378
00:21:36,337 --> 00:21:38,055
I have a bumper sticker
that says that.

379
00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:40,929
No way.
I'm not kidding.

380
00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:43,139
It's on my car.

381
00:21:44,345 --> 00:21:45,392
Come on.

382
00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:47,936
Hold on a sec.

383
00:21:55,606 --> 00:21:57,108
His name is Simon,

384
00:21:58,025 --> 00:22:03,907
and he lives in the Cayman
Islands with his brother, Ajax.

385
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:05,745
Wow.

386
00:22:06,784 --> 00:22:08,036
What a great story.

387
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:10,879
What did you wanna talk about?

388
00:22:11,497 --> 00:22:13,625
I was thinking that I wanna
get more involved.

389
00:22:13,916 --> 00:22:16,044
You know, I don't know,
something like

390
00:22:16,126 --> 00:22:19,847
maybe supervising the
seventh grade car wash.

391
00:22:20,256 --> 00:22:23,635
Uh, you know, Amy has been
running that for like two years.

392
00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:27,430
Yeah, but she does so much already.
It might be nice to give her a little rest.

393
00:22:29,139 --> 00:22:33,315
It's so nice to see you becoming a
real member of the JAMS family.

394
00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:36,025
Just feels so good to help.

395
00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:51,541
(STILL OF THE NIGHT PLAYING)

396
00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:55,966
Holy shit!

397
00:22:56,625 --> 00:22:58,593
All right. Let's do this.

398
00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:03,887
♪ In the still of the night
I hear the wolf howl, honey

399
00:23:03,966 --> 00:23:06,060
♪ Sniffing around to your door

400
00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:08,763
♪ In the still of the night
I feel my heart beating heavy

401
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:10,731
♪ Telling me I gotta have more

402
00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:23,027
♪ In the shadow of night
I see the full moon rise

403
00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:25,204
♪ Telling me what's in store

404
00:23:25,279 --> 00:23:27,907
♪ My heart start aching
My body start a-shaking and I

405
00:23:28,115 --> 00:23:30,493
♪ Can't take no more

406
00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:35,790
♪ No, no, no... ♪

407
00:23:39,126 --> 00:23:40,924
(SIREN WAILING)
(GRUNTING)

408
00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:50,137
(CAR HONKS)

409
00:23:54,058 --> 00:23:56,436
Hey, Mr. Delacorte. Yes!

410
00:23:58,812 --> 00:24:01,565
Hey, kids. Hey. Hey.

411
00:24:02,232 --> 00:24:03,609
Hey, you better not
take it for a joyride.

412
00:24:03,692 --> 00:24:04,818
Are you sure?
I'm watching you.

413
00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:05,903
(LAUGHS)

414
00:24:05,986 --> 00:24:07,033
Miss Halsey.
Hey.

415
00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:08,955
I'm impressed.
Thanks. I've been working out.

416
00:24:09,031 --> 00:24:10,123
What a turnout.

417
00:24:11,325 --> 00:24:13,453
Oh, yeah, and the kids
are just having a blast.

418
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:15,125
Well, that's
what it's all about.

419
00:24:15,579 --> 00:24:16,956
God, you know, we should
go get a drink tonight.

420
00:24:17,039 --> 00:24:18,291
I feel like getting drunk.

421
00:24:19,792 --> 00:24:23,888
I mean, not "drunk" drunk.
Strong buzz. Still be able to drive.

422
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:25,680
I'm sorry.

423
00:24:26,256 --> 00:24:27,849
I can't yet.
I'm just not ready.

424
00:24:28,175 --> 00:24:31,429
But, if you're patient, I think
I might be worth your while.

425
00:24:31,804 --> 00:24:32,896
You're worth the wait.

426
00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:35,061
I think so, too.

427
00:24:45,275 --> 00:24:47,528
(BELL RINGS)

428
00:24:48,070 --> 00:24:49,492
Shish kebabs.

429
00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:01,884
Wally? It's Amy Squirrel.

430
00:25:02,668 --> 00:25:05,968
Amy? What are you...
Get out of here!

431
00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:07,927
This'll just take a sec.

432
00:25:08,257 --> 00:25:12,728
Um, I happened to be pedaling past the
seventh grade car wash this Saturday.

433
00:25:12,803 --> 00:25:14,646
Can we talk about this later?

434
00:25:15,014 --> 00:25:17,688
"Later, we'll all die,"
said the gator to the fly.

435
00:25:18,851 --> 00:25:20,273
What the fuck? What?

436
00:25:21,687 --> 00:25:22,734
Just go.

437
00:25:25,232 --> 00:25:29,328
Now, I don't wanna speak out of school,
but, from where I was sitting,

438
00:25:29,611 --> 00:25:30,783
I think...

439
00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:36,752
It seemed like Miss Halsey was getting
pretty chummy with the money.

440
00:25:37,619 --> 00:25:43,467
Are you accusing Elizabeth of embezzling
from the seventh grade car wash?

441
00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:47,842
Wally, we barely know
anything about her.

442
00:25:48,047 --> 00:25:50,266
Hey, you know what?
They raised almost $7,000,

443
00:25:50,466 --> 00:25:52,013
so whatever she did worked.

444
00:25:52,426 --> 00:25:53,848
Viet Huynh's dad called.

445
00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:56,142
He said the car wash
was a raging success.

446
00:25:56,346 --> 00:25:57,643
And Lauren Rissman's
dad called.

447
00:25:57,723 --> 00:25:59,725
He said we should have
a car wash every weekend.

448
00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:03,646
So instead of accusing her, you might
wanna ask her for some pointers.

449
00:26:04,229 --> 00:26:09,156
Well, if those pointers include wearing
provocative beachwear for money,

450
00:26:09,777 --> 00:26:11,779
I think I'll pass.
This is ridiculous.

451
00:26:11,862 --> 00:26:13,830
This is the one
place in this building

452
00:26:13,906 --> 00:26:15,954
where I'm allowed
to be alone with my thoughts.

453
00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:19,708
I only have this once a day.
If I'm lucky.

454
00:26:20,537 --> 00:26:23,040
Next time you accuse one of
my teachers of stealing,

455
00:26:23,123 --> 00:26:25,967
you better have some
evidence. God damn it.

456
00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:27,510
We are done here.

457
00:26:30,672 --> 00:26:31,673
All righty.

458
00:26:33,092 --> 00:26:35,186
Have a super
awesome day, you two.

459
00:26:36,553 --> 00:26:37,554
(DOOR OPENS)

460
00:26:38,722 --> 00:26:40,224
(LOUD DEFECATING SOUNDS)

461
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,853
Holy fuck, I thought
she was never gonna leave.

462
00:26:44,269 --> 00:26:45,646
(SOUNDS CONTINUES)

463
00:26:55,531 --> 00:26:57,533
How are things
going with Scott?

464
00:26:57,783 --> 00:27:00,332
Jesus Christ, Lynn.
The guy just went through a terrible breakup.

465
00:27:00,410 --> 00:27:02,162
Yeah. What he needs
now more than ever

466
00:27:02,287 --> 00:27:04,665
is a friend.
You know, I think that's really smart.

467
00:27:04,748 --> 00:27:05,795
Build a foundation...
Yeah,

468
00:27:05,874 --> 00:27:08,923
build a foundation and then
after my surgery, pow, we fuck.

469
00:27:10,546 --> 00:27:12,423
I don't know. I think love
should be about...

470
00:27:12,548 --> 00:27:15,222
I gotta go, Lynn.
Here, hold this for me. Okay.

471
00:27:15,551 --> 00:27:16,552
Thanks.

472
00:27:20,764 --> 00:27:22,391
Are we starting
School Ties today?

473
00:27:26,895 --> 00:27:29,318
Okay. Today we're
starting School Ties.

474
00:27:29,731 --> 00:27:32,325
Brendan Fraser plays a Jew.
Classic.

475
00:27:34,736 --> 00:27:38,661
Okay, who has the answer?
Here it is. Good luck.

476
00:27:38,740 --> 00:27:39,832
Here "what" is?

477
00:27:39,908 --> 00:27:42,286
It's the pre-test for the
state standardized test.

478
00:27:42,619 --> 00:27:43,791
It was in the memo.

479
00:27:44,705 --> 00:27:45,706
Ah!

480
00:27:45,789 --> 00:27:47,257
Yes, the memo.

481
00:27:50,627 --> 00:27:51,628
(MOCK FARTING)

482
00:27:51,795 --> 00:27:54,594
Hey, zip it. Zip your shit.

483
00:27:59,428 --> 00:28:02,432
Okay, look. We all know
that these tests are gay.

484
00:28:04,516 --> 00:28:05,642
Hey.

485
00:28:06,768 --> 00:28:08,486
According to this memo,

486
00:28:08,604 --> 00:28:11,073
I'm supposed to give you guys
45 minutes per section.

487
00:28:11,148 --> 00:28:12,570
Bla, bla, bla, bla...

488
00:28:12,649 --> 00:28:16,825
Okay. Clear your desks,
everybody. Pencils out.

489
00:28:18,030 --> 00:28:19,122
Begin.

490
00:28:23,202 --> 00:28:24,454
What's going on with you?

491
00:28:25,329 --> 00:28:26,706
You need a tissue, huh?

492
00:28:28,165 --> 00:28:31,465
She is such a phony.
Yeah, a major phony.

493
00:28:31,835 --> 00:28:34,429
Yeah, but she also
cares a lot, too.

494
00:28:38,884 --> 00:28:41,683
I love how his eyes
sparkle when he smiles.

495
00:28:41,762 --> 00:28:43,230
I wanna sit
on his face.

496
00:28:43,639 --> 00:28:45,186
Hey, guys.
Hey.

497
00:28:45,599 --> 00:28:48,273
Hey. You are just making
a habit out of this,

498
00:28:48,352 --> 00:28:49,399
aren't you?

499
00:28:49,478 --> 00:28:51,526
Actually, Sandy Pinkus
in the math department,

500
00:28:52,022 --> 00:28:55,242
I guess someone slashed his
tires. And his wife's, too.

501
00:28:56,109 --> 00:28:57,452
That is awful.

502
00:28:57,611 --> 00:29:00,911
Lynn, will you go grab me some milk?
What kind of milk do you want?

503
00:29:01,281 --> 00:29:04,581
Skim, whole, 2%, chocolate?

504
00:29:04,660 --> 00:29:05,661
Surprise me.

505
00:29:05,911 --> 00:29:08,755
Okay, I'll get
you skim. No, 2%.

506
00:29:11,124 --> 00:29:12,421
So?
So?

507
00:29:13,043 --> 00:29:15,296
Hola, fellow educators.

508
00:29:16,088 --> 00:29:17,089
(IMITATING EXPLOSIONS)

509
00:29:17,965 --> 00:29:20,309
Is everything okay with Gaby?
She'll be fine.

510
00:29:20,509 --> 00:29:23,183
I told her, "Gaby, if you're
not happy with yourself,

511
00:29:23,262 --> 00:29:25,685
"you can't expect others
to be happy with you.

512
00:29:25,973 --> 00:29:27,691
"It starts with you."

513
00:29:27,849 --> 00:29:29,567
I'm sure she appreciated that.
Yeah.

514
00:29:31,311 --> 00:29:32,813
And it's exactly
what I told Elizabeth

515
00:29:32,896 --> 00:29:35,649
when she told me about
this upcoming fake breast job.

516
00:29:35,774 --> 00:29:36,775
Oh.

517
00:29:39,278 --> 00:29:42,578
Sorry. Sorry, I thought
you were telling everyone.

518
00:29:43,156 --> 00:29:45,284
Did you?
Well, I'm pro choice.

519
00:29:45,367 --> 00:29:48,371
I believe everyone should choose
whatever makes them happiest.

520
00:29:48,996 --> 00:29:50,339
Except abortion, of course.

521
00:29:50,414 --> 00:29:51,586
Of course.
Obviously.

522
00:29:52,541 --> 00:29:55,920
Well, it looks like algebra
is calling. I hate math.

523
00:29:56,211 --> 00:29:57,554
Wish me luck.
(IN MOCK ARAB ACCENT) Hi.

524
00:29:57,629 --> 00:30:00,974
I'm a math terrorist,
with close ties to Aljaybra.

525
00:30:01,675 --> 00:30:04,303
I have weapons of
math instruction.

526
00:30:04,928 --> 00:30:05,929
(LAUGHING HEARTILY)

527
00:30:12,394 --> 00:30:13,441
Here, I'll walk you.

528
00:30:13,687 --> 00:30:16,611
Man, everyone is so nice around here.
Of course.

529
00:30:16,940 --> 00:30:18,283
Hey, watch my quadrant.

530
00:30:19,484 --> 00:30:21,703
Here you go, 1%. Surprise.

531
00:30:23,613 --> 00:30:27,789
Hi. My name is Elizabeth
Halsey. Any questions?

532
00:30:28,285 --> 00:30:30,162
Hi. I'm Sasha's mother.

533
00:30:30,704 --> 00:30:34,629
I'm a little concerned at the
importance you're placing on movies.

534
00:30:35,083 --> 00:30:38,007
I was just wondering what your
plans were for the state test.

535
00:30:38,587 --> 00:30:42,467
Listen, the school hired me
because I'm amazing at what I do.

536
00:30:42,966 --> 00:30:44,559
I use movies as
one of my tools,

537
00:30:44,634 --> 00:30:48,730
but I also use a variety of
other multimedia techniques.

538
00:30:49,473 --> 00:30:52,067
Listen, I could take you day-by-day
through my entire syllabus,

539
00:30:52,142 --> 00:30:53,564
but that's just not
how I do things.

540
00:30:54,519 --> 00:30:58,695
So that's my spiel,
as the Jews say.

541
00:30:59,816 --> 00:31:03,195
Please, help yourself to some delicious
snacks and drinks in the back.

542
00:31:05,238 --> 00:31:06,410
Class dismissed.

543
00:31:06,865 --> 00:31:10,290
Excuse me, Miss Halsey?
Hi, I'm Morgan's dad.

544
00:31:11,661 --> 00:31:12,913
Morgan.

545
00:31:14,289 --> 00:31:16,542
Great kid. So precocious.

546
00:31:16,917 --> 00:31:18,715
I just wish Morgan's grades
would reflect it.

547
00:31:19,252 --> 00:31:24,554
If I know Morgan, and I think
I do, Morgan'll get there.

548
00:31:24,841 --> 00:31:28,186
Listen, I'm sure you have a full plate,
along with a rocking hot body,

549
00:31:28,553 --> 00:31:31,022
but if you could just
keep an eye on Morgan,

550
00:31:31,098 --> 00:31:32,896
my wife and I would
really appreciate it.

551
00:31:33,433 --> 00:31:36,437
For supplies and whatever.

552
00:31:38,939 --> 00:31:40,191
For supplies.

553
00:31:41,316 --> 00:31:44,286
You're Chase's parents.
Hi.

554
00:31:44,403 --> 00:31:45,871
You know, a student like Chase

555
00:31:45,946 --> 00:31:48,790
would benefit so much
from some extra attention.

556
00:31:49,408 --> 00:31:51,410
So you think we
should hire a tutor?

557
00:31:51,493 --> 00:31:52,961
You know, I'd be
happy to do it myself,

558
00:31:53,036 --> 00:31:58,213
but it's just so hard with a class
of 20, 25, or 30, or whatever.

559
00:31:58,875 --> 00:32:00,127
To be a teacher.

560
00:32:00,210 --> 00:32:05,011
God, it is so hard on my salary to have to
pay for my own supplies, and my fiancé,

561
00:32:05,090 --> 00:32:06,592
he cheated on
me with his sister.

562
00:32:08,176 --> 00:32:12,522
As her personal tutor, I guarantee
personally that she will get an A,

563
00:32:12,806 --> 00:32:15,229
or your money back.

564
00:32:16,518 --> 00:32:19,317
Well. (CHUCKLES)
Say no more.

565
00:32:20,730 --> 00:32:22,323
(GANGSTA'S PARADISE PLAYING)

566
00:32:22,399 --> 00:32:23,696
Make it out to "cash."

567
00:32:24,484 --> 00:32:27,203
♪ As I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death

568
00:32:27,279 --> 00:32:30,579
♪ I take a look at my life and
realize there's not much left

569
00:32:30,657 --> 00:32:33,661
♪ 'Cause I've been blasting
and laughing so long that

570
00:32:33,743 --> 00:32:36,587
♪ Even my mamma thinks
that my mind is gone

571
00:32:36,663 --> 00:32:39,542
♪ But I ain't never crossed
a man that didn't deserve it

572
00:32:39,624 --> 00:32:42,844
♪ Me, be treated like a punk,
you know that's unheard of... ♪

573
00:32:44,087 --> 00:32:45,134
Is that true?

574
00:32:45,213 --> 00:32:47,307
But when I go to my grave,
my head will be high.

575
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,928
There are no victims
in this classroom.

576
00:32:51,928 --> 00:32:53,680
(KIDS CHEERING)

577
00:33:10,906 --> 00:33:14,376
Scott? Scott? Scott?

578
00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:16,370
Amy.
Hi.

579
00:33:16,536 --> 00:33:18,630
Hi.
I got you something.

580
00:33:19,247 --> 00:33:21,716
What?
You didn't have to do that.

581
00:33:21,791 --> 00:33:24,544
It's nothing.
Well, it's my favorite book.

582
00:33:27,214 --> 00:33:28,261
Eat, Pray, Love.

583
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:29,887
Yeah.

584
00:33:31,968 --> 00:33:33,515
This is my favorite book, too.

585
00:33:34,888 --> 00:33:36,390
What's your favorite part?

586
00:33:38,642 --> 00:33:39,689
Love.

587
00:33:41,019 --> 00:33:42,020
(EXCITED GIGGLE)

588
00:33:44,439 --> 00:33:45,736
(RAINBOW IN THE DARK PLAYING
ON CAR STEREO)

589
00:33:45,857 --> 00:33:48,155
♪ When there's lightning

590
00:33:49,110 --> 00:33:51,078
♪ You know it always
brings me down... ♪

591
00:33:51,154 --> 00:33:52,155
(GASPS)

592
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:54,241
(COUGHS)

593
00:33:54,324 --> 00:33:55,576
What do you want?

594
00:33:55,659 --> 00:33:57,411
Is that marijuana?

595
00:33:58,119 --> 00:34:01,749
No, it's medicinal marijuana.
I have a prescription and everything.

596
00:34:02,541 --> 00:34:05,215
But I'm not gonna tell you why, because
it's between me and my doctor.

597
00:34:05,293 --> 00:34:06,294
Oh.

598
00:34:06,628 --> 00:34:09,051
Okay, well, feel better.

599
00:34:09,673 --> 00:34:10,720
Thanks.

600
00:34:11,508 --> 00:34:13,226
My mom and I made you
some holiday cookies.

601
00:34:14,469 --> 00:34:16,517
Are those oatmeal raisin again?
Gingerbread.

602
00:34:19,975 --> 00:34:21,522
Let me see it. Have it.

603
00:34:22,018 --> 00:34:23,190
Watch the bow.

604
00:34:27,232 --> 00:34:28,279
Do you have anything to drink?

605
00:34:30,235 --> 00:34:32,329
Listen, word to the wise,

606
00:34:33,405 --> 00:34:35,373
stop dressing like you're
running for Congress.

607
00:34:36,199 --> 00:34:38,668
I don't wanna run for Congress.
I wanna be president.

608
00:34:39,244 --> 00:34:40,461
See, that's what
I'm talking about.

609
00:34:41,162 --> 00:34:42,789
Keep saying shit like that
and you're gonna get punched.

610
00:34:44,708 --> 00:34:47,302
Do you really wanna be president or
is that something your parents want?

611
00:34:50,922 --> 00:34:53,892
Look, you don't have to decide right now.
You know, who knows?

612
00:34:53,967 --> 00:34:56,186
One day you wake up, you decide
you wanna be a masseuse.

613
00:34:57,012 --> 00:34:59,640
Salary plus tips.
Think about it.

614
00:35:01,391 --> 00:35:03,860
If I think about it,
will I get extra credit?

615
00:35:04,936 --> 00:35:06,062
Hopeless.

616
00:35:06,896 --> 00:35:11,242
All right. I'm high as fuck.
I gotta get outta here. Watch your feet.

617
00:35:15,030 --> 00:35:16,532
(867-5309/JENNY PLAYING)

618
00:35:18,867 --> 00:35:22,622
♪ I tried to call you before
but I lost my nerve

619
00:35:24,873 --> 00:35:29,845
♪ I tried my imagination
but I got disturbed

620
00:35:30,879 --> 00:35:33,257
This is indeed
a winter wonderland.

621
00:35:33,340 --> 00:35:36,139
♪ Jenny, I got your number

622
00:35:36,217 --> 00:35:38,720
♪ I need to make you mine

623
00:35:38,803 --> 00:35:40,555
Wanna go get high?
Yeah.

624
00:35:41,264 --> 00:35:43,016
Give me a nug.
I'll smoke it in my car.

625
00:35:44,184 --> 00:35:45,481
Wow. No.

626
00:35:45,935 --> 00:35:48,529
I meant, do you wanna
get high with me?

627
00:35:49,898 --> 00:35:53,448
♪ Eight, six, seven, five,
three, oh, nine ♪ Nine

628
00:35:53,526 --> 00:35:57,201
BOTH: ♪ Eight, six, seven,
five, three, oh, nine

629
00:35:57,489 --> 00:36:00,163
♪ I got it, got it ♪
♪ I got it ♪

630
00:36:00,241 --> 00:36:02,869
Hey. They don't make songs
like this anymore, right?

631
00:36:03,244 --> 00:36:04,962
You know, that's
actually not true, Scott.

632
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:10,712
I'm writing a song right now
called 855-824-1777,

633
00:36:11,086 --> 00:36:12,838
extension 777.

634
00:36:16,466 --> 00:36:17,968
So you guys having an awesome time?
Yes.

635
00:36:18,051 --> 00:36:21,021
Oh, my God, I love to dance.
I could dance all night.

636
00:36:21,429 --> 00:36:23,022
Hey, could we go
somewhere and talk?

637
00:36:23,264 --> 00:36:25,187
Totally go for a
talk right now.

638
00:36:30,063 --> 00:36:31,110
What's up?

639
00:36:31,773 --> 00:36:32,990
(GIGGLES)
(SIGHS)

640
00:36:33,066 --> 00:36:35,068
Okay. (EXCLAIMS)

641
00:36:35,151 --> 00:36:37,529
I don't know how to say this.
I'm kind of nervous.

642
00:36:37,612 --> 00:36:39,330
It's all just happening
so quickly.

643
00:36:39,406 --> 00:36:42,080
You can tell me anything, Scott.
You're one of my best friends.

644
00:36:43,159 --> 00:36:44,376
I'm crushing on someone.

645
00:36:45,495 --> 00:36:48,374
I think you're pretty great, too.
Thanks. It's Amy.

646
00:36:48,707 --> 00:36:49,708
(DOOR OPENING)
(KIDS LAUGHING)

647
00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:52,210
No running in the hall!

648
00:36:54,796 --> 00:36:55,888
Kids. (NERVOUS LAUGHTER)

649
00:36:55,964 --> 00:36:58,262
She's been amazing helping
me deal with my break-up.

650
00:36:58,550 --> 00:36:59,767
Yeah, I don't know
her that well.

651
00:36:59,843 --> 00:37:01,891
I know all the other teachers
really hate her fucking guts,

652
00:37:01,970 --> 00:37:03,313
but I stay above
all that stuff.

653
00:37:04,347 --> 00:37:06,020
Can I be honest with you?

654
00:37:06,558 --> 00:37:07,605
Of course.

655
00:37:08,226 --> 00:37:13,653
It's nothing personal, but I don't
think that you're Amy's type.

656
00:37:14,858 --> 00:37:16,030
Really?
Yeah.

657
00:37:16,943 --> 00:37:20,664
We seem so,
I don't know, simpatico.

658
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,037
How do I put this politely?

659
00:37:23,408 --> 00:37:26,457
She's a lesbian.
She hates cock.

660
00:37:27,954 --> 00:37:28,955
Oh.

661
00:37:29,038 --> 00:37:30,915
She's only using you
for your money.

662
00:37:31,875 --> 00:37:32,922
What?

663
00:37:35,503 --> 00:37:36,880
Well, I feel stupid.

664
00:37:37,172 --> 00:37:40,722
No, Scott. Scott. Look at me.

665
00:37:41,301 --> 00:37:43,303
I'm gonna get my breasts
enlarged in a couple of months,

666
00:37:43,428 --> 00:37:46,557
and when I recover from my surgery,
you and I are gonna go out

667
00:37:46,639 --> 00:37:49,017
and we are gonna find awesome
people for each other.

668
00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:51,440
That sounds nice.

669
00:37:51,895 --> 00:37:53,772
You're out of your mind.

670
00:37:53,980 --> 00:37:56,324
There is no way that LeBron
will ever be Jordan.

671
00:37:56,399 --> 00:37:58,117
Nobody will ever
be Jordan, okay?

672
00:37:58,193 --> 00:38:00,195
Okay, LeBron's a better
rebounder and passer.

673
00:38:00,445 --> 00:38:03,369
Will you let me finish?
Can you let me finish?

674
00:38:03,656 --> 00:38:05,624
Call me when LeBron
has six championships.

675
00:38:05,742 --> 00:38:08,916
Is that your only argument?
It's the only argument I need, Shawn.

676
00:38:13,541 --> 00:38:14,667
Let's get baked...

677
00:38:16,795 --> 00:38:19,344
...goods. We're gonna go get
some baked goods.

678
00:38:22,884 --> 00:38:23,931
You got this?

679
00:38:26,471 --> 00:38:28,565
Just try it. Try it.

680
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,893
Please, don't...
Stop pressuring her.

681
00:38:30,975 --> 00:38:33,353
How does she know she doesn't like
it if she's never tried it before?

682
00:38:33,436 --> 00:38:35,859
You know, we should probably
be getting back.

683
00:38:35,939 --> 00:38:38,112
Just fucking do it.
Weed is awesome.

684
00:38:38,441 --> 00:38:39,442
(WHIMPERING)

685
00:38:49,869 --> 00:38:51,496
Hold it in.
Just blow it out.

686
00:38:51,579 --> 00:38:52,922
Hold it in.
Blow it out.

687
00:38:53,206 --> 00:38:54,753
(LAUGHING)

688
00:38:55,208 --> 00:38:58,178
Okay. Lynn,
I'm gonna take this.

689
00:38:59,295 --> 00:39:01,389
I'm gonna go find
a hot dog.

690
00:39:01,756 --> 00:39:02,757
(GRUNTING)

691
00:39:03,174 --> 00:39:04,221
Shit.

692
00:39:04,884 --> 00:39:07,603
Well, that was deeply unimpressive.
Like you can do better.

693
00:39:07,804 --> 00:39:09,351
Really? You sure you wanna do this?
Yeah.

694
00:39:09,430 --> 00:39:10,477
Gym teacher.

695
00:39:13,935 --> 00:39:15,812
You understand this is what I do?
Yeah, I got it.

696
00:39:15,979 --> 00:39:17,026
Like, for a living?

697
00:39:17,105 --> 00:39:18,106
Mmm-hmm.

698
00:39:18,273 --> 00:39:19,320
All right.

699
00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:29,701
(WHEEZES)

700
00:39:30,118 --> 00:39:32,541
You have no upper-body strength.
Yes, I do.

701
00:39:32,787 --> 00:39:37,258
Just not in my arms or my chest.
But I have cat-like reflexes. Makes up for it.

702
00:39:39,294 --> 00:39:40,295
(GASPS)

703
00:39:42,964 --> 00:39:43,965
(MOUTHING)

704
00:39:44,757 --> 00:39:45,758
(LAUGHING)

705
00:39:50,346 --> 00:39:53,600
So, all this is mine, by the way,
as far as the eye can see.

706
00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:56,315
Really love what you've
done with the place.

707
00:39:56,561 --> 00:39:59,781
Don't know if you noticed the nets, but
those are brand-new nets I had installed.

708
00:40:00,315 --> 00:40:01,441
This is original wood.

709
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:03,902
See those
championship banners?

710
00:40:04,611 --> 00:40:06,488
When I first came to the
school, they weren't here.

711
00:40:07,655 --> 00:40:08,781
They were over there.

712
00:40:09,616 --> 00:40:11,243
I had them moved over there.

713
00:40:13,786 --> 00:40:14,878
So, Russell...

714
00:40:15,038 --> 00:40:16,039
Mmm-hmm.

715
00:40:16,164 --> 00:40:17,416
...what has to go wrong
in someone's life

716
00:40:17,498 --> 00:40:20,047
for them to end up being a
middle school gym teacher?

717
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,213
Well, granted, it
wasn't the original plan.

718
00:40:23,296 --> 00:40:27,767
As a young boy, I wanted to be a
professor of Physical Education.

719
00:40:29,260 --> 00:40:30,352
At Harvard.

720
00:40:30,470 --> 00:40:33,815
But I don't know.
I like it here.

721
00:40:34,515 --> 00:40:37,769
What went so wrong in your life that
you ended up educating children?

722
00:40:38,436 --> 00:40:41,986
I don't know. Maybe I was a
bad person in another life.

723
00:40:44,567 --> 00:40:47,537
We should, like, go have a
drink sometime. Together.

724
00:40:47,987 --> 00:40:49,739
Like over winter break.
Nah.

725
00:40:50,657 --> 00:40:51,874
Got something brewing.

726
00:40:51,950 --> 00:40:53,702
Can I say something,
for the record?

727
00:40:53,868 --> 00:40:54,915
Fine.

728
00:40:54,994 --> 00:40:57,622
It's about your, the...

729
00:40:59,457 --> 00:41:01,960
The big, fake titties.
Are you really gonna do that?

730
00:41:02,251 --> 00:41:03,252
Uh-huh.

731
00:41:03,503 --> 00:41:05,301
Why would you do that?
Your tits are fine.

732
00:41:05,421 --> 00:41:07,014
I like your tits.
Ask my roommate.

733
00:41:16,349 --> 00:41:17,726
Seriously?

734
00:41:19,268 --> 00:41:21,236
Fuck. Seriously?

735
00:41:24,899 --> 00:41:26,025
Come on!

736
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:28,737
Seriously?

737
00:41:31,155 --> 00:41:32,202
Hey!

738
00:41:32,490 --> 00:41:34,709
Why are they closed?
It's Christmas.

739
00:41:35,535 --> 00:41:37,503
Whatever.
Hey, you got a lighter?

740
00:41:37,578 --> 00:41:38,579
(HORN HONKING)

741
00:41:38,663 --> 00:41:41,462
Hey, Miss Halsey.
It's me, Garrett, from school.

742
00:41:41,541 --> 00:41:44,090
It's Garrett!
Having a nice Christmas?

743
00:41:44,544 --> 00:41:46,592
Aces. What are you doing
the rest of the day?

744
00:41:46,671 --> 00:41:47,797
You gonna go see your family?

745
00:41:47,964 --> 00:41:53,687
Uh, you know, I'm gonna go see some people.
We're having like a big potluck. So...

746
00:41:54,971 --> 00:41:56,314
Miss Halsey.

747
00:41:56,389 --> 00:41:58,767
Would you like to come
and spend Christmas with us?

748
00:42:03,229 --> 00:42:06,608
ALL: ♪ Fa, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la

749
00:42:06,691 --> 00:42:10,787
♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly

750
00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:14,787
♪ Fa, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la

751
00:42:15,033 --> 00:42:17,286
♪ Don we now our yuletide carol ♪
♪ Deck the something else ♪

752
00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:20,713
We never remember it.
Every year we forget. What is that?

753
00:42:20,788 --> 00:42:22,415
Listen, I'm really sorry
I have to eat and run.

754
00:42:22,498 --> 00:42:24,125
I gotta head over to
the shelter. So...

755
00:42:24,375 --> 00:42:25,376
Aw!

756
00:42:25,460 --> 00:42:28,213
The shelter?
That's so inspiring.

757
00:42:28,588 --> 00:42:30,306
Yeah. I really love
helping bums.

758
00:42:31,382 --> 00:42:33,931
But you have to wait for
dessert. We have a real treat.

759
00:42:34,135 --> 00:42:36,433
Garrett, why don't you run and
get some of your new poetry?

760
00:42:36,804 --> 00:42:38,806
God. No one wants
to hear it.

761
00:42:39,140 --> 00:42:42,735
Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed.
Don't be shy, Marbles.

762
00:42:43,394 --> 00:42:45,988
This is called "The Chase,"
by Garrett Tiara.

763
00:42:48,107 --> 00:42:53,284
"X-O, X-O
My love for you is X-O, X-O

764
00:42:53,654 --> 00:42:56,828
"About her smile,
that I would walk a mile for

765
00:42:57,408 --> 00:43:01,834
"About her personality, that
makes me see the best in me

766
00:43:02,622 --> 00:43:09,597
"One glance, one dance Because
together, we can achieve balance"

767
00:43:10,797 --> 00:43:11,844
Thank you.

768
00:43:12,006 --> 00:43:13,007
(CHEERING)

769
00:43:14,967 --> 00:43:17,686
I loved it, and I
usually hate poetry.

770
00:43:18,012 --> 00:43:20,515
Oh, Philip.
"Hate" on Christmas?

771
00:43:20,932 --> 00:43:23,185
Sorry, Santa. Sorry, Jesus.

772
00:43:23,601 --> 00:43:24,602
(LAUGHING)

773
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:27,693
Why don't you two give me
a hand with dessert

774
00:43:27,814 --> 00:43:30,033
and we can let
these two discuss?

775
00:43:30,775 --> 00:43:32,027
Oh, fuck.

776
00:43:33,694 --> 00:43:36,288
So the poem's
about that girl?

777
00:43:36,948 --> 00:43:38,040
Yeah, Chase.

778
00:43:39,325 --> 00:43:42,704
If I could just talk to her
and tell her how I feel,

779
00:43:42,787 --> 00:43:44,380
I know she'd understand.

780
00:43:45,540 --> 00:43:48,214
Listen, it's not gonna
happen, buddy.

781
00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:51,345
I was that hot girl.
Hotter, even.

782
00:43:51,712 --> 00:43:55,057
And I would never have gone out with you.
And I'm not saying that to be mean.

783
00:43:55,133 --> 00:43:56,476
I'm saying that to be helpful.

784
00:43:56,801 --> 00:43:59,020
What do you know?
You don't even know our names.

785
00:43:59,137 --> 00:44:00,138
I'll tell you what I know.

786
00:44:00,221 --> 00:44:02,064
A kid who wears
the same gymnastics sweatshirt

787
00:44:02,140 --> 00:44:04,359
three days a week isn't
getting laid until he's 29.

788
00:44:04,475 --> 00:44:05,522
That's what I know.

789
00:44:06,060 --> 00:44:09,314
This sweatshirt was my dad's.
It's all he left me when he left me.

790
00:44:09,981 --> 00:44:11,358
There's a reason
he didn't pack it.

791
00:44:13,067 --> 00:44:14,159
Just saying.

792
00:44:14,861 --> 00:44:19,412
Welcome to the number one New Year's
Eve party in the entire world.

793
00:44:19,532 --> 00:44:22,331
This is literally the
biggest party on Earth.

794
00:44:22,410 --> 00:44:23,912
Aren't you going out
with the other nurses?

795
00:44:25,329 --> 00:44:26,581
I'm not a nurse.

796
00:44:27,415 --> 00:44:28,541
I thought you were a nurse.

797
00:44:29,333 --> 00:44:30,505
I'm a teacher.

798
00:44:38,092 --> 00:44:42,438
...Lionel Richie, so don't even
think about going anywhere else.

799
00:44:42,722 --> 00:44:43,848
We'll have the Jonas Brothers.

800
00:44:45,766 --> 00:44:47,484
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

801
00:44:48,269 --> 00:44:49,270
(SCREAMING)

802
00:45:03,367 --> 00:45:04,368
(SLURPING)

803
00:45:06,287 --> 00:45:08,381
Hey. Welcome back.

804
00:45:09,957 --> 00:45:13,552
Bunch of us are going out tonight to
see Period 5 play. Do you wanna come?

805
00:45:14,295 --> 00:45:16,548
Period 5?
Yeah, the teacher band.

806
00:45:16,756 --> 00:45:17,757
(LAUGHS)

807
00:45:18,132 --> 00:45:19,805
I'd rather get
shot in the face.

808
00:45:22,303 --> 00:45:25,307
Hey.
Hey.

809
00:45:26,057 --> 00:45:28,105
So are you guys
coming to the Palace tonight?

810
00:45:28,392 --> 00:45:31,646
My band's gonna do a few songs.
You're in Period 5?

811
00:45:31,812 --> 00:45:35,066
You're looking at the new rhythm
guitarist and backup vocalist.

812
00:45:35,316 --> 00:45:37,318
Should be fun.
Should be amazing.

813
00:45:37,443 --> 00:45:40,413
Lynn, you wanna come?
Yes, yes.

814
00:45:42,114 --> 00:45:44,333
♪ A lullaby. I said...

815
00:45:44,450 --> 00:45:48,500
♪ Everything
gonna be all right

816
00:45:48,579 --> 00:45:52,675
♪ Rockabye, rockabye

817
00:45:53,918 --> 00:45:58,014
♪ Everything gonna
be all right

818
00:45:58,089 --> 00:46:02,344
♪ Rockabye, rockabye

819
00:46:02,927 --> 00:46:04,099
♪ Rockabye

820
00:46:07,014 --> 00:46:08,357
Lot of cute guys.

821
00:46:09,016 --> 00:46:11,018
You should go talk
to someone, Lynn.

822
00:46:11,102 --> 00:46:13,400
I'm fine here. I'm fine.

823
00:46:13,479 --> 00:46:16,028
Come on, Lynn.
You need to loosen up and live a little.

824
00:46:16,190 --> 00:46:17,692
When was the last time
you had a good dicking?

825
00:46:17,942 --> 00:46:19,319
"A good dicking."

826
00:46:19,610 --> 00:46:21,408
Look, go talk to those
guys over there.

827
00:46:22,738 --> 00:46:24,115
LYNN: In the cowboy hats?

828
00:46:24,198 --> 00:46:25,791
Yeah.
What?

829
00:46:26,492 --> 00:46:28,290
Oh, come on.
You come on.

830
00:46:28,452 --> 00:46:29,624
Now, go talk to them.

831
00:46:29,704 --> 00:46:31,456
What am I gonna talk about?

832
00:46:31,539 --> 00:46:33,291
It doesn't matter, Lynn.

833
00:46:33,374 --> 00:46:35,092
Look, you go and you start
with one of them,

834
00:46:35,167 --> 00:46:36,635
then you start talking
to the other one,

835
00:46:36,711 --> 00:46:40,056
and then you go back to the first one
but still be touching the other one,

836
00:46:40,131 --> 00:46:42,225
and then you just choose.
Textbook.

837
00:46:42,383 --> 00:46:45,387
Yeah. From the world's
weirdest textbook.

838
00:46:45,553 --> 00:46:48,397
Let me finish my drink.
Now, Lynn.

839
00:46:48,472 --> 00:46:49,894
In a second.
No, go.

840
00:46:50,057 --> 00:46:51,058
I like it here.

841
00:46:51,142 --> 00:46:52,644
It is really fun over here.

842
00:46:52,727 --> 00:46:55,321
Lynn. Get your ass over
to those cowboys.

843
00:46:56,856 --> 00:47:00,201
Well, I'm glad I wore
my fun underwear.

844
00:47:00,526 --> 00:47:01,573
Okay.

845
00:47:01,652 --> 00:47:07,750
♪ Everything gonna be
all right Rockabye ♪

846
00:47:07,867 --> 00:47:11,667
So, call me crazy, but this might be
the best Period 5 show of all time.

847
00:47:12,246 --> 00:47:13,919
What are you doing
here, anyway?

848
00:47:14,373 --> 00:47:16,375
I thought it was
poetry slam night.

849
00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:18,753
I was gonna get drunk
and mock them.

850
00:47:19,086 --> 00:47:20,429
That sounds fun, actually.

851
00:47:20,588 --> 00:47:22,056
I'll let you know
next time I go.

852
00:47:22,423 --> 00:47:23,766
Not that fun.

853
00:47:24,258 --> 00:47:25,350
Okay.

854
00:47:25,426 --> 00:47:28,600
Just so you know, that shit
does not faze me at all.

855
00:47:29,013 --> 00:47:32,688
I'm like the fucking Terminator, dude.
I'm just gonna keep coming after you.

856
00:47:33,100 --> 00:47:34,317
Just so we're clear.

857
00:47:34,435 --> 00:47:36,062
Good luck with that.

858
00:47:37,396 --> 00:47:40,240
Oh, shit. Check it out.

859
00:47:42,109 --> 00:47:43,452
RUSSELL: I'll be damned.

860
00:47:44,403 --> 00:47:45,450
That shit worked.

861
00:47:46,572 --> 00:47:47,869
Super fast.

862
00:47:47,990 --> 00:47:48,991
(SONG ENDS)

863
00:47:50,993 --> 00:47:51,994
(CROWD CHEERING)

864
00:47:55,956 --> 00:47:58,709
Wow. Thank you guys for
coming out. What a turnout.

865
00:47:59,210 --> 00:48:05,638
Right? I just wanna take this opportunity
to thank the guys from Period 5

866
00:48:05,758 --> 00:48:09,888
for letting me join the band,
and also, I...

867
00:48:09,970 --> 00:48:15,147
I have an original song.
It is my first crack at songwriting, so be kind.

868
00:48:15,768 --> 00:48:16,769
Um...

869
00:48:17,937 --> 00:48:20,816
And it goes out to
someone very special.

870
00:48:23,484 --> 00:48:28,490
♪ There was a girl I met
some time ago

871
00:48:29,240 --> 00:48:30,992
♪ Simpatico

872
00:48:32,118 --> 00:48:35,918
♪ She helped me heal
She helped me grow

873
00:48:36,747 --> 00:48:38,169
♪ Simpatico

874
00:48:38,666 --> 00:48:43,422
♪ How do you know when you
know? I guess you just know

875
00:48:44,130 --> 00:48:45,507
♪ Simpatico

876
00:48:46,173 --> 00:48:50,679
♪ Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah,
woah, woah, woah, woah woah, woah

877
00:48:51,762 --> 00:48:52,763
♪ Woah

878
00:48:53,472 --> 00:48:55,190
♪ Simpatico

879
00:48:55,349 --> 00:48:59,024
♪ Exotico, erotico

880
00:48:59,937 --> 00:49:03,487
♪ You're my narcotico

881
00:49:04,191 --> 00:49:09,823
♪ Ask me how much I feel,
I'll say, "A lotico"

882
00:49:11,449 --> 00:49:15,454
♪ There can never in
the world be too much

883
00:49:16,454 --> 00:49:20,630
♪ Before I met you
I was a ship out at sea ♪

884
00:49:20,708 --> 00:49:23,052
Fuck! What, is it me?

885
00:49:23,461 --> 00:49:25,555
No, I... I mean, is there
something wrong with me?

886
00:49:25,629 --> 00:49:28,883
I don't think so. I mean, sometimes,
you talk to people in a...

887
00:49:29,008 --> 00:49:30,976
Thank you.
Forget him.

888
00:49:31,218 --> 00:49:33,391
At least now you can stop
worrying about him

889
00:49:33,471 --> 00:49:35,815
and be the best teacher you
can be. I mean, who knows?

890
00:49:35,890 --> 00:49:37,312
Maybe you'll win the bonus.

891
00:49:37,558 --> 00:49:38,559
(TIRES SCREECHING)

892
00:49:39,393 --> 00:49:40,736
Fuck!

893
00:49:41,020 --> 00:49:43,318
What bonus?
For the state test.

894
00:49:43,397 --> 00:49:48,574
Whichever teacher has the
highest-scoring class gets a bonus.

895
00:49:48,986 --> 00:49:51,956
How much?
$5,700.

896
00:49:52,114 --> 00:49:53,115
(TIRES SCREECHING)

897
00:49:53,240 --> 00:49:55,413
Son of a bitch!
$5,700?

898
00:49:55,493 --> 00:49:57,336
Yeah.
God damn it, Lynn.

899
00:49:57,745 --> 00:49:59,372
You never tell me anything.
Yeah.

900
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:07,263
Come on.

901
00:50:07,922 --> 00:50:09,549
Come on, come on, come on.

902
00:50:10,758 --> 00:50:13,511
Let's go, we have a lot to go over.
Everybody sit down. Come on.

903
00:50:14,386 --> 00:50:15,558
Where's the TV?

904
00:50:15,930 --> 00:50:19,275
Now, everybody, open your To
Kill a Mockingbirds to page one.

905
00:50:21,268 --> 00:50:22,360
Good.

906
00:50:22,686 --> 00:50:24,939
Now who can tell me
why Jem cries

907
00:50:25,022 --> 00:50:26,945
when the hole in the tree
is filled with cement?

908
00:50:27,691 --> 00:50:29,068
Because she's a cry-baby?

909
00:50:29,193 --> 00:50:30,194
(ALL LAUGHING)

910
00:50:30,611 --> 00:50:31,783
Get out.

911
00:50:36,116 --> 00:50:37,459
We're here to learn.

912
00:50:38,702 --> 00:50:40,124
Anybody else have
a problem with that?

913
00:50:42,039 --> 00:50:44,542
Good. Now, who has the answer
to my question?

914
00:50:47,461 --> 00:50:48,633
Nobody's read this book?

915
00:50:50,130 --> 00:50:51,222
It's on the syllabus.

916
00:50:51,298 --> 00:50:53,300
Well, you never
assigned it to us.

917
00:50:53,467 --> 00:50:55,140
Well, now I am.

918
00:50:55,219 --> 00:50:56,641
And we have a quiz tomorrow.

919
00:50:56,762 --> 00:50:57,809
ALL: What?

920
00:50:57,888 --> 00:50:59,310
On the first hundred pages.

921
00:50:59,682 --> 00:51:01,810
(ALL CLAMORING)

922
00:51:03,561 --> 00:51:06,940
You can't do that.
I have band and jazz band tonight.

923
00:51:07,147 --> 00:51:08,740
We haven't had
homework all year.

924
00:51:11,318 --> 00:51:16,165
Things are about to change
around here. Recess is over.

925
00:51:17,783 --> 00:51:19,330
Because birds
symbolize freedom?

926
00:51:20,786 --> 00:51:22,254
Good. Good, okay.

927
00:51:22,329 --> 00:51:24,752
Does anyone have anything to add
to what that girl just said?

928
00:51:28,502 --> 00:51:31,676
So, what are the limitations of
having Scout as the narrator?

929
00:51:33,257 --> 00:51:35,976
You, Chubs.
Because he...

930
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:37,761
(IMITATING BUZZER)

931
00:51:38,345 --> 00:51:39,346
(GROANS)

932
00:51:39,805 --> 00:51:42,183
Focus. You know
this shit. Come on.

933
00:51:42,933 --> 00:51:44,105
Okay, go.

934
00:51:45,519 --> 00:51:46,520
(IMITATING BUZZER)

935
00:51:46,729 --> 00:51:47,730
(IMITATING BUZZER)

936
00:51:48,522 --> 00:51:49,944
Don't flinch. Seriously.

937
00:51:50,024 --> 00:51:51,446
You and you,
hold his arms down.

938
00:51:51,567 --> 00:51:52,568
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)

939
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,203
Next question. Come on.

940
00:51:55,654 --> 00:52:00,535
Because Atticus is always the
voice of reason and justice?

941
00:52:02,494 --> 00:52:04,041
Correct. Here.

942
00:52:05,539 --> 00:52:06,665
Nothing in the face.

943
00:52:07,875 --> 00:52:10,219
RUSSELL: Woah! Wait.

944
00:52:11,378 --> 00:52:14,131
Miss Halsey. Really?

945
00:52:14,632 --> 00:52:16,225
Wow. I never.

946
00:52:16,550 --> 00:52:18,473
We're in the middle of a lesson.
Wow.

947
00:52:19,219 --> 00:52:23,224
Twilight, look at me.
What did we talk about in class?

948
00:52:25,017 --> 00:52:28,317
Your weight should be evenly distributed.
You gotta throw off the back foot.

949
00:52:29,021 --> 00:52:31,240
Don't throw at her,
throw through her.

950
00:52:31,398 --> 00:52:32,741
ALL: Hit her.

951
00:52:34,026 --> 00:52:35,073
RUSSELL: Nail her.

952
00:52:36,904 --> 00:52:39,748
Hey, what do you think of me
with Jessica Simpson's tits?

953
00:52:40,074 --> 00:52:41,200
Go bigger.

954
00:52:43,202 --> 00:52:45,546
What do you think of me
with Pamela Anderson's tits?

955
00:52:45,913 --> 00:52:47,415
Go bigger.

956
00:52:50,834 --> 00:52:55,931
It's just so funny, 'cause I...
I love raisins, and he hates raisins.

957
00:52:56,006 --> 00:52:57,508
Yin and yang.

958
00:52:57,758 --> 00:52:59,510
You guys are so cute.

959
00:52:59,843 --> 00:53:02,687
So cute.
It's like too cute, almost.

960
00:53:03,097 --> 00:53:04,770
Last weekend,
we went for a drive.

961
00:53:04,848 --> 00:53:05,849
(LAUGHS)

962
00:53:06,892 --> 00:53:09,611
We had no idea where
we were going.

963
00:53:09,728 --> 00:53:11,105
We left the maps at home.

964
00:53:11,438 --> 00:53:13,440
What? No way!

965
00:53:13,691 --> 00:53:16,240
It was fine.
I have a GPS navi system.

966
00:53:16,610 --> 00:53:18,157
(SIGHING) Thank God.

967
00:53:18,237 --> 00:53:22,287
And we discovered
this new Ethiopian restaurant.

968
00:53:22,533 --> 00:53:25,286
They finally got their
own cuisine. Progress.

969
00:53:28,872 --> 00:53:31,466
Hey, Miss Halsey.
Hey.

970
00:53:31,959 --> 00:53:34,508
Your shirt's mis-buttoned.
Her shirt's mis-buttoned.

971
00:53:36,255 --> 00:53:38,257
Thank you, Amy,
for pointing that out.

972
00:53:38,340 --> 00:53:39,683
You're so welcome.

973
00:53:40,259 --> 00:53:42,978
God, I've just been...
Been such a mess this week, you know.

974
00:53:43,053 --> 00:53:44,930
Just working myself
to the bone.

975
00:53:45,347 --> 00:53:47,520
Yeah. It's been
quite a change.

976
00:53:47,766 --> 00:53:49,939
Well, I think it's great.
Yeah, it's great.

977
00:53:50,102 --> 00:53:52,730
I just love people who are so
passionate about what they do.

978
00:53:52,855 --> 00:53:54,357
It's so inspirational.

979
00:53:54,732 --> 00:53:55,949
Thanks.

980
00:53:56,024 --> 00:53:59,028
Yeah, you know, some teachers just
sail by doing that bare-minimum thing?

981
00:53:59,403 --> 00:54:00,700
I don't know,
it's just not me.

982
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:04,537
It's good to know there's still
some actual educators out there.

983
00:54:07,453 --> 00:54:08,705
What else, Sasha?

984
00:54:09,204 --> 00:54:10,831
I think I've told
you everything.

985
00:54:10,914 --> 00:54:12,712
MALE STAGEHAND: Anyone know
where Daddy Warbucks is?

986
00:54:12,875 --> 00:54:14,218
No more movies in class?

987
00:54:14,334 --> 00:54:16,302
No. We're actually learning.

988
00:54:16,378 --> 00:54:19,052
Hey, did you know that Animal Farm
isn't even really about animals?

989
00:54:19,757 --> 00:54:23,807
Animal Farm? Sasha, that's
not even on the syllabus.

990
00:54:24,303 --> 00:54:26,726
Yeah. I know
you're forgetting something.

991
00:54:29,308 --> 00:54:31,310
You want extra credit
on your diorama or not?

992
00:54:31,393 --> 00:54:33,395
I do, I want it.
Okay, think.

993
00:54:33,729 --> 00:54:35,231
Let me think.

994
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:37,783
Well, there was...
What?

995
00:54:37,941 --> 00:54:39,409
Never mind.
What?

996
00:54:39,485 --> 00:54:41,237
Well, it was okay.
It was medicinal.

997
00:54:43,572 --> 00:54:44,573
Ah!

998
00:54:45,115 --> 00:54:49,336
And if she claims it's "medicinal", I
would demand to see a prescription.

999
00:54:49,953 --> 00:54:51,250
That's what I would do
if I were you, Wally.

1000
00:54:51,747 --> 00:54:55,342
Do you have any proof other than
what one student thought she saw?

1001
00:54:56,084 --> 00:55:01,341
Wall, this one student is in line to be
editor of The Daily Musket next year.

1002
00:55:02,257 --> 00:55:04,259
She's got a lot to lose
going public with this.

1003
00:55:04,468 --> 00:55:07,438
If the Teachers' Union found out
that I was administering a drug test

1004
00:55:07,513 --> 00:55:11,359
to a teacher with this little proof, they
would make my life a living hell, Amy.

1005
00:55:11,934 --> 00:55:13,186
So we're just gonna
let her walk free?

1006
00:55:13,977 --> 00:55:14,978
Huh?

1007
00:55:15,270 --> 00:55:17,147
That's it? That's bonkers!

1008
00:55:18,816 --> 00:55:19,942
Ame, Amy.

1009
00:55:21,151 --> 00:55:23,995
Amy, stop that. Stop it.

1010
00:55:24,112 --> 00:55:25,785
Sorry. Sorry.

1011
00:55:25,948 --> 00:55:27,120
Sit down.

1012
00:55:29,451 --> 00:55:30,498
Amy,

1013
00:55:31,870 --> 00:55:34,919
do you see this beautiful,
little, glass dolphin figurine?

1014
00:55:34,998 --> 00:55:37,217
Mmm-hmm.
Look at it.

1015
00:55:37,668 --> 00:55:39,261
Yep.
Look at it.

1016
00:55:39,336 --> 00:55:40,804
I'm looking at it.

1017
00:55:41,129 --> 00:55:42,631
Elizabeth gave this to me.

1018
00:55:43,298 --> 00:55:46,848
She is a thoughtful young woman, and she
is teaching for all the right reasons.

1019
00:55:46,969 --> 00:55:48,186
Wally!

1020
00:55:48,846 --> 00:55:53,147
Can't you see she is manipulating
you through the use of dolphins?

1021
00:55:53,308 --> 00:55:56,027
No, what I see is that
you are getting worked up.

1022
00:55:56,311 --> 00:56:01,488
And what I would hate to see
is for you to get overwhelmed,

1023
00:56:02,651 --> 00:56:04,324
like you did in 2008.

1024
00:56:06,154 --> 00:56:08,498
Got you. Thanks, Wally,
for bringing that up.

1025
00:56:10,826 --> 00:56:12,043
Forgotten all about that.

1026
00:56:16,039 --> 00:56:17,336
Don't do that with your mouth.

1027
00:56:19,710 --> 00:56:20,757
Regular mouth.

1028
00:56:27,175 --> 00:56:29,724
TRISTAN: Atticus Finch
is a good lawyer

1029
00:56:29,803 --> 00:56:32,977
because he's a good
person who's a lawyer.

1030
00:56:35,684 --> 00:56:39,689
ELIZABETH:
Stupid point. Misspelled.

1031
00:56:45,068 --> 00:56:47,867
Is this English?

1032
00:56:52,910 --> 00:56:58,713
Are you fucking kidding me?

1033
00:57:01,543 --> 00:57:02,590
Pathetic.

1034
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:06,140
This is why the Japs are overtaking us.
And, believe me, I don't mean you.

1035
00:57:08,425 --> 00:57:10,427
But we're working
really hard.

1036
00:57:12,054 --> 00:57:15,103
You're not working hard
enough. I need results.

1037
00:57:15,349 --> 00:57:16,601
Class dismissed.

1038
00:57:28,403 --> 00:57:29,700
I need that test.

1039
00:57:37,829 --> 00:57:39,502
(ON PHONE)
Hey, it's Elizabeth Halsey.

1040
00:57:40,082 --> 00:57:41,959
Unfortunately, I'm not
gonna make it in today.

1041
00:57:42,167 --> 00:57:43,384
Tom Sawyer!

1042
00:57:43,794 --> 00:57:47,844
My grandmother took a turn for the
worse and it looks like she's dead,

1043
00:57:48,382 --> 00:57:50,885
so I'm off to the funeral.
Wish me luck.

1044
00:57:52,427 --> 00:57:53,849
Yo, Bitch Tits.

1045
00:57:54,304 --> 00:57:57,183
I'm not gonna ask you again, dude.
I need those coupons mailed today.

1046
00:57:57,724 --> 00:57:59,226
Consider it already done.

1047
00:58:01,478 --> 00:58:03,446
Hi.
Back here. Come on.

1048
00:58:05,774 --> 00:58:10,075
This is GHB. You take one
capful before you go to sleep.

1049
00:58:10,278 --> 00:58:13,452
And you won't believe the difference
it'll make in your workouts.

1050
00:58:13,949 --> 00:58:16,543
You'll look even more amazing.
What are the side effects?

1051
00:58:17,077 --> 00:58:19,705
Diarrhea, heart palpitations,
nothing major.

1052
00:58:20,205 --> 00:58:22,799
Just don't take it during the day,
you'll be out like a light.

1053
00:58:23,709 --> 00:58:25,086
Out like a light.

1054
00:58:25,585 --> 00:58:27,508
Hey, Bitch Tits,
you send out those coupons?

1055
00:58:27,754 --> 00:58:29,882
I was not told about
any coupons.

1056
00:58:30,632 --> 00:58:33,636
Well, I can't wait
to get buff.

1057
00:58:33,969 --> 00:58:37,519
How about you send me some JPEGs,
so I can monitor your progress?

1058
00:58:37,681 --> 00:58:38,898
You got it, boss.
(CLICKING TONGUE)

1059
00:58:40,809 --> 00:58:43,062
FEMALE RECEPTIONIST: Good afternoon,
Illinois Standardized Testing.

1060
00:58:43,145 --> 00:58:44,442
How may I direct
your call?

1061
00:58:45,063 --> 00:58:46,815
ELIZABETH: Hi, my name
is Marjorie Goodman

1062
00:58:46,898 --> 00:58:48,571
and I'm calling from
The Chicago Tribune.

1063
00:58:49,276 --> 00:58:50,573
Who could I speak to
regarding

1064
00:58:50,652 --> 00:58:53,997
the allegations of racial bias
on your standardized tests?

1065
00:58:54,740 --> 00:58:56,037
Please hold.

1066
00:59:06,626 --> 00:59:07,718
Marjorie?

1067
00:59:08,837 --> 00:59:09,884
You must be Carl.

1068
00:59:11,214 --> 00:59:13,182
Thank you for meeting me
on such short notice.

1069
00:59:13,550 --> 00:59:14,927
Of course. Sure.

1070
00:59:15,969 --> 00:59:18,688
Hey. So did you find the place okay?
It was a good drive?

1071
00:59:18,764 --> 00:59:19,811
Great drive.

1072
00:59:19,890 --> 00:59:22,814
Listen, Carl, I know
that you're a very busy man,

1073
00:59:22,893 --> 00:59:24,861
so I'm just gonna
get right down to it.

1074
00:59:25,437 --> 00:59:29,943
I've been speaking to
various black citizens

1075
00:59:30,025 --> 00:59:34,531
who allege that your tests are biased
towards white people and Orientals.

1076
00:59:34,988 --> 00:59:37,207
Okay. Let me tell you
something right away.

1077
00:59:37,491 --> 00:59:39,585
A, Orientals test better.

1078
00:59:40,494 --> 00:59:44,840
B, every couple of years, we
get these cockamamie charges

1079
00:59:44,915 --> 00:59:46,713
coming in from various parts
of the state. Let me...

1080
00:59:47,042 --> 00:59:48,840
You should hear the things
that they call me.

1081
00:59:49,336 --> 00:59:52,966
Racist, I'm fagatron,
I'm faggy Hitler, dick-breath.

1082
00:59:53,381 --> 00:59:56,180
Okay? But I am not a racist.

1083
00:59:56,718 --> 00:59:59,437
I voted for Obama.
You can quote me on that in your article.

1084
00:59:59,596 --> 01:00:01,223
You know what I think
would help, Carl?

1085
01:00:02,224 --> 01:00:04,443
For me to see one
of this year's tests.

1086
01:00:04,559 --> 01:00:07,779
Oh. (SCOFFS) Sure, I can get you one easy.
No problem.

1087
01:00:07,854 --> 01:00:09,151
Great. Great.

1088
01:00:09,231 --> 01:00:11,484
On the day after the
schools administer them,

1089
01:00:11,566 --> 01:00:13,568
I will shoot one
right over to you.

1090
01:00:14,069 --> 01:00:16,913
I was hoping to see it sooner.
I'm on a bit of a deadline.

1091
01:00:17,239 --> 01:00:19,788
So, no, that is absolutely
classified, unless...

1092
01:00:20,283 --> 01:00:22,126
Unless you have one of these
bad boys right here.

1093
01:00:22,536 --> 01:00:24,914
Wow. You know, Carl?

1094
01:00:25,914 --> 01:00:28,292
Enough business for one night.
Don't you think?

1095
01:00:28,416 --> 01:00:29,793
Tell me about it. Yeah.

1096
01:00:30,085 --> 01:00:32,429
I think I'm gonna have another
drink before I hit the road.

1097
01:00:33,380 --> 01:00:36,429
You know, it's like the freedom and
the wind in your hair, and the...

1098
01:00:36,550 --> 01:00:38,644
Obviously, the image
that I wanna...

1099
01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:42,230
But then the other side is,
like, mopeds are scary, so I...

1100
01:00:42,389 --> 01:00:45,108
Count me out. But you seem
like such a wild man, Carl.

1101
01:00:45,225 --> 01:00:46,442
Yeah, I mean...

1102
01:00:48,145 --> 01:00:49,943
What turns you on, Carl?

1103
01:00:52,607 --> 01:00:53,654
Everything.

1104
01:00:54,151 --> 01:00:55,778
You wanna know
what turns me on?

1105
01:00:56,903 --> 01:00:58,621
Sex in an office.

1106
01:00:59,114 --> 01:01:02,118
Getting fucked really hard
against a wooden desk.

1107
01:01:04,828 --> 01:01:05,954
Mine's metal.

1108
01:01:06,246 --> 01:01:07,293
Even better.

1109
01:01:08,498 --> 01:01:11,593
And voilà. So...

1110
01:01:14,754 --> 01:01:15,971
This is the desk.

1111
01:01:17,507 --> 01:01:18,929
Do you have anything
to drink?

1112
01:01:19,968 --> 01:01:22,312
Yes, I do.

1113
01:01:24,764 --> 01:01:25,811
Voilá!

1114
01:01:25,891 --> 01:01:29,646
Ooh. White wine in
the office. Bad boy.

1115
01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:31,988
Do you have any music, Carl?

1116
01:01:32,439 --> 01:01:33,611
I have the Internet radio.

1117
01:01:34,024 --> 01:01:36,652
I love Internet radio.

1118
01:01:37,694 --> 01:01:41,198
You've come to the right
place, because I have that.

1119
01:01:42,949 --> 01:01:45,793
See, I am not a whiz
at this computer here.

1120
01:01:45,994 --> 01:01:49,464
It's relatively new,
and Grace, who is...

1121
01:01:50,498 --> 01:01:53,297
...works with me on Mondays
and Wednesdays, and Thursdays,

1122
01:01:53,376 --> 01:01:55,970
and I share her with
Greg across the way.

1123
01:01:56,504 --> 01:01:59,508
Greg, across the hall, is actually
the guy who got me into spinning.

1124
01:02:00,175 --> 01:02:01,222
Oh, here we go.

1125
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:07,023
Shall we toast?

1126
01:02:07,849 --> 01:02:10,147
To new friends.
And new lovers.

1127
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:19,361
Mmm-hmm.

1128
01:02:27,494 --> 01:02:29,496
I'm gonna take off my shoes.
Is that okay? Whatever, man.

1129
01:02:29,579 --> 01:02:31,707
I'm gonna go hit the ladies' room.
Okay.

1130
01:02:31,831 --> 01:02:33,458
There's a handicapped one,
it's way closer.

1131
01:02:33,583 --> 01:02:34,926
Use the handicapped one,
it's way closer.

1132
01:02:54,729 --> 01:02:55,730
(YAWNING)

1133
01:03:02,737 --> 01:03:04,205
(SLURRING) I took off
my shoes.

1134
01:03:04,281 --> 01:03:05,703
Oh, Carl.

1135
01:03:06,032 --> 01:03:08,956
I wanna fuck you up
against the desk.

1136
01:03:09,077 --> 01:03:10,875
I wanna fuck you
against the desk!

1137
01:03:10,954 --> 01:03:13,548
Carl, I'm gonna need you
to pass the fuck out.

1138
01:03:13,623 --> 01:03:19,756
Marjorie. I am going to
rock your vagina.

1139
01:03:20,213 --> 01:03:21,214
(GROANING)

1140
01:03:21,965 --> 01:03:26,766
That wine is good.
Marjorie, let's do this.

1141
01:03:27,262 --> 01:03:28,605
Fuck me.

1142
01:03:29,639 --> 01:03:30,640
(WHIRRING)

1143
01:03:35,312 --> 01:03:36,780
Hello, titties.

1144
01:03:39,441 --> 01:03:43,992
If anyone has any information
regarding the missing Annie wig,

1145
01:03:44,112 --> 01:03:46,114
please let me know ASAP.

1146
01:03:47,157 --> 01:03:49,910
Come on, guys.
There's a wig missing.

1147
01:03:49,993 --> 01:03:52,712
Because if that
wig isn't found,

1148
01:03:52,787 --> 01:03:56,633
you can bet your bottom dollar, the
sun will not come out tomorrow.

1149
01:03:58,168 --> 01:04:01,388
Back to you, Wally.
Okay. Thank you, Amy.

1150
01:04:01,463 --> 01:04:03,636
I'm sure everybody wants to get
home, so I'm gonna be quick.

1151
01:04:03,757 --> 01:04:06,431
Four score and
seven years ago...

1152
01:04:07,594 --> 01:04:08,595
(MOCK SNORING)

1153
01:04:08,887 --> 01:04:10,389
(LAUGHING)

1154
01:04:12,432 --> 01:04:15,811
God damn it, Sandy.
Sandy's so funny.

1155
01:04:18,980 --> 01:04:22,200
I have here the results
of the state exam.

1156
01:04:22,317 --> 01:04:26,743
And I'm happy to announce that the
John Adams Middle School, that's us,

1157
01:04:26,821 --> 01:04:29,165
scored in the top 5%
of the whole state.

1158
01:04:30,992 --> 01:04:31,993
(SCREAMING)

1159
01:04:32,494 --> 01:04:33,666
Nice.

1160
01:04:33,787 --> 01:04:35,505
Good job, guys.

1161
01:04:36,164 --> 01:04:39,168
And I wanna single
out one of our own

1162
01:04:39,292 --> 01:04:42,262
who showed that
with hard work and dedication,

1163
01:04:42,337 --> 01:04:45,682
one teacher can
make a difference.

1164
01:04:45,799 --> 01:04:49,599
And this teacher is
now $5,700 richer,

1165
01:04:49,677 --> 01:04:54,308
with the highest scores in Cook
County, that's the whole county,

1166
01:04:55,016 --> 01:04:58,270
I want everyone to give
a big round of applause

1167
01:04:58,353 --> 01:04:59,525
to Elizabeth Halsey.

1168
01:05:07,195 --> 01:05:08,788
Well done.
Thank you.

1169
01:05:13,368 --> 01:05:15,211
Congratulations, Miss Halsey.

1170
01:05:16,121 --> 01:05:17,122
Thanks, dude.

1171
01:05:18,873 --> 01:05:21,296
Well, if it isn't
Professor Smartypants.

1172
01:05:21,376 --> 01:05:23,629
Don't mess with me.
I'm a lot stronger than I look.

1173
01:05:24,337 --> 01:05:29,389
Hey. Elizabeth,
I am so proud of you.

1174
01:05:29,467 --> 01:05:33,142
I mean, if someone told me at the
beginning of the year that you...

1175
01:05:33,221 --> 01:05:35,315
You would get the bonus,

1176
01:05:35,390 --> 01:05:41,488
well, I think I would've said to whomever
it was, "No way. Absolutely not."

1177
01:05:41,563 --> 01:05:45,318
And now, here we are.

1178
01:05:45,650 --> 01:05:48,028
We should go out and
celebrate. Your treat?

1179
01:05:48,570 --> 01:05:50,868
Yeah, unfortunately,
Elizabeth,

1180
01:05:50,947 --> 01:05:54,372
Scott and I have to go over the
itinerary for the Springfield trip.

1181
01:05:54,742 --> 01:05:57,541
Yeah. We're the chaperones,
we're going together.

1182
01:05:58,746 --> 01:06:01,875
We're dating, so it'll
also be romantic.

1183
01:06:02,542 --> 01:06:04,636
How fun.
Yeah.

1184
01:06:04,711 --> 01:06:06,088
You're not seeing
anyone now, right?

1185
01:06:06,629 --> 01:06:09,428
Got my eye on someone,
but he's dating a major cunt.

1186
01:06:11,384 --> 01:06:12,727
Pardon my French.

1187
01:06:12,886 --> 01:06:15,230
No, no.
She sounds terrible.

1188
01:06:16,723 --> 01:06:19,272
Almost done.

1189
01:06:20,059 --> 01:06:21,686
Okay, so that's endorsed.

1190
01:06:21,769 --> 01:06:23,567
And put the rest on these.

1191
01:06:25,315 --> 01:06:27,864
Split it.
All righty.

1192
01:06:27,942 --> 01:06:29,068
Book it.

1193
01:06:55,220 --> 01:06:56,312
Okay.

1194
01:06:56,638 --> 01:06:58,982
Take your seat. Thank you.

1195
01:07:02,810 --> 01:07:04,062
Who did this?

1196
01:07:05,396 --> 01:07:06,397
Aw!

1197
01:07:06,481 --> 01:07:08,279
Come on.

1198
01:07:08,358 --> 01:07:10,736
No one wants an extra sticker
on their all-star board?

1199
01:07:11,653 --> 01:07:16,033
Who brought you
to me, Mr. Apple?

1200
01:07:16,157 --> 01:07:18,580
Ooh. Ah, ah, ah.

1201
01:07:19,911 --> 01:07:22,209
What was that, Mr. Apple?

1202
01:07:23,456 --> 01:07:25,629
You want me to take a bite?

1203
01:07:26,334 --> 01:07:27,927
All righty-roo.

1204
01:07:31,256 --> 01:07:32,803
Mmm.

1205
01:07:33,132 --> 01:07:35,601
And, Elizabeth, I just want to thank
you again for stepping in today.

1206
01:07:35,677 --> 01:07:38,021
You really saved us here.
No problem.

1207
01:07:38,096 --> 01:07:39,348
Hey, is Amy gonna be okay?

1208
01:07:39,430 --> 01:07:41,023
Yeah, Amy's gonna be fine.

1209
01:07:41,099 --> 01:07:42,726
Well, let her know
she's in my thoughts.

1210
01:07:48,690 --> 01:07:50,658
ALL:
♪ Hey, Arkady

1211
01:07:50,733 --> 01:07:52,576
♪ Someone's calling my name

1212
01:07:52,902 --> 01:07:54,370
♪ Hey, Arkady ♪

1213
01:07:54,487 --> 01:07:57,866
I dare you. I'm not afraid
of your dares, Rodrigo.

1214
01:07:59,242 --> 01:08:00,664
Do it.

1215
01:08:02,579 --> 01:08:04,581
That's really dangerous,
Russell.

1216
01:08:05,039 --> 01:08:07,758
I'll call you from the hotel.
Bye, Amy.

1217
01:08:08,543 --> 01:08:10,386
Yeah, she's sitting
right next to me.

1218
01:08:11,004 --> 01:08:13,382
No.
Thanks for calling again.

1219
01:08:16,301 --> 01:08:19,396
Amy says hi.
Wow, she sure calls a lot.

1220
01:08:19,470 --> 01:08:22,098
So, are you excited
about your surgery?

1221
01:08:23,433 --> 01:08:25,401
I've never been more
excited about anything.

1222
01:08:26,144 --> 01:08:28,146
It's a pretty inspiring
message to the kids.

1223
01:08:28,229 --> 01:08:31,108
We should never stop
working on ourselves.

1224
01:08:32,358 --> 01:08:36,613
Like you with your little boobs or
me experimenting with ethnic food.

1225
01:08:56,841 --> 01:08:57,842
(GRUNTING)

1226
01:09:10,146 --> 01:09:11,147
(GRUNTING)

1227
01:09:19,405 --> 01:09:22,579
Gosh. I never lose my keys.

1228
01:09:23,868 --> 01:09:25,711
Such a ding-a-ling.

1229
01:09:26,663 --> 01:09:27,789
What's wrong with your face?

1230
01:09:27,955 --> 01:09:29,332
What is wrong with your face?

1231
01:09:30,041 --> 01:09:32,590
Hey, I'm just trying
to make conversation.

1232
01:09:32,710 --> 01:09:35,930
You're all done.
Super. Thanks a bunch, Amos.

1233
01:09:42,720 --> 01:09:43,721
(GASPS)

1234
01:09:45,723 --> 01:09:47,066
I knew it.

1235
01:09:56,359 --> 01:09:57,360
Huh.

1236
01:09:59,737 --> 01:10:03,241
CARL: Well, that is definitely Marjorie,
only with kind of weird hair here.

1237
01:10:03,324 --> 01:10:05,076
In real life, she's
actually very pretty.

1238
01:10:05,159 --> 01:10:07,287
She in some kind of trouble?
Marjorie?

1239
01:10:07,995 --> 01:10:10,623
I think you're the one who might
be in some kind of trouble.

1240
01:10:11,124 --> 01:10:14,424
Did you or did you not give
her a copy of the state test?

1241
01:10:16,129 --> 01:10:19,804
(STAMMERING) No, no, no.
Absolutely not.

1242
01:10:19,924 --> 01:10:23,599
No, I did give her some
quotes for her article.

1243
01:10:24,011 --> 01:10:25,183
What article?

1244
01:10:25,263 --> 01:10:27,857
Her article for the Tribune.
She's a reporter there, right?

1245
01:10:32,729 --> 01:10:35,528
Test tampering? At JAMS?

1246
01:10:35,606 --> 01:10:39,201
This time I have a witness, and, like I
said, Wally, she stole the Annie wig.

1247
01:10:39,527 --> 01:10:41,950
We're dealing with
a criminal mastermind.

1248
01:10:42,947 --> 01:10:48,295
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Wall.
You know how much we all love her.

1249
01:10:50,955 --> 01:10:53,378
Okay, well, you Know, I have
to call the superintendent.

1250
01:10:53,458 --> 01:10:56,883
We're gonna have to crosscheck
her entire class's scores.

1251
01:10:57,128 --> 01:10:59,802
This is a real shit sandwich.

1252
01:11:00,465 --> 01:11:02,684
Of course, you know
what scares me the most, Wall?

1253
01:11:02,800 --> 01:11:05,019
This is just what
we know, right?

1254
01:11:05,636 --> 01:11:08,355
Who knows what else
she's capable of?

1255
01:11:11,809 --> 01:11:14,062
It's so awful.

1256
01:11:21,569 --> 01:11:23,162
Fruit Roll-Up?

1257
01:11:23,237 --> 01:11:26,036
You know, when President
Lincoln abolished slavery,

1258
01:11:26,157 --> 01:11:28,159
it was not a popular opinion.

1259
01:11:28,451 --> 01:11:29,452
Hmm.

1260
01:11:29,535 --> 01:11:32,664
God, I just hate
slavery so, so much.

1261
01:11:33,498 --> 01:11:35,876
Slavery's the worst.

1262
01:11:36,000 --> 01:11:40,426
If I could go back in time
and undo slavery, I would.

1263
01:11:41,672 --> 01:11:42,764
I hate it.

1264
01:11:44,008 --> 01:11:45,806
Hey, I'm sorry to
interrupt, guys,

1265
01:11:45,885 --> 01:11:49,059
but I couldn't help but
overhear your conversation.

1266
01:11:49,180 --> 01:11:50,773
Can I tell you guys
what I hate?

1267
01:11:51,349 --> 01:11:52,976
Sharks.

1268
01:11:53,059 --> 01:11:56,188
Well, sharks can
tear families apart.

1269
01:11:56,896 --> 01:11:58,364
But they're also so majestic.

1270
01:11:58,689 --> 01:12:00,441
They are beautiful creatures.

1271
01:12:00,525 --> 01:12:01,777
But they're also so ferocious.

1272
01:12:01,943 --> 01:12:03,365
So ferocious.

1273
01:12:04,362 --> 01:12:06,956
One of nature's
cruel jokes, I guess.

1274
01:12:08,074 --> 01:12:09,371
Okay.

1275
01:12:12,036 --> 01:12:14,630
Thank you, Elizabeth,
for listening.

1276
01:12:15,206 --> 01:12:18,801
Scott, I want you to know you
can talk to me about anything.

1277
01:12:22,588 --> 01:12:24,215
(SCOTT MOANING)

1278
01:12:41,440 --> 01:12:43,317
Your jeans feel so
good against my jeans.

1279
01:12:44,277 --> 01:12:45,654
Totally.

1280
01:12:46,404 --> 01:12:48,452
Hey, your body feels so good.

1281
01:12:48,781 --> 01:12:50,579
I need some water.

1282
01:13:01,002 --> 01:13:03,130
(VIBRATING)

1283
01:13:13,514 --> 01:13:14,766
I'm dry-humping
the shit out of you.

1284
01:13:14,849 --> 01:13:17,819
Yeah, dry-fuck the fuck
out of me, Scott!

1285
01:13:18,102 --> 01:13:19,149
Just stop talking.

1286
01:13:22,773 --> 01:13:25,492
I've been fantasizing about this
ever since we got to Springfield.

1287
01:13:26,819 --> 01:13:28,287
This?
Oh, yeah.

1288
01:13:31,449 --> 01:13:32,701
Me, too.

1289
01:13:34,535 --> 01:13:36,162
I'm close.

1290
01:13:36,829 --> 01:13:38,502
Don't move.

1291
01:13:39,498 --> 01:13:41,000
Here I go.

1292
01:13:41,834 --> 01:13:43,051
Almost.

1293
01:13:44,045 --> 01:13:45,342
Wait for it.

1294
01:13:47,673 --> 01:13:49,346
Really close. Ready?

1295
01:13:49,967 --> 01:13:51,844
Yeah.
Just stop talking.

1296
01:13:53,054 --> 01:13:56,024
Oh, yeah. Almost there.

1297
01:13:59,518 --> 01:14:00,519
(GRUNTS)

1298
01:14:02,021 --> 01:14:04,149
(SIGHS)

1299
01:14:06,692 --> 01:14:09,366
That was great.
More like amazing.

1300
01:14:10,196 --> 01:14:12,915
Well, I'm gonna get going.

1301
01:14:13,032 --> 01:14:15,126
I don't want the kids to
see me leaving your room.

1302
01:14:15,201 --> 01:14:16,578
Yeah.

1303
01:14:17,244 --> 01:14:18,370
God.

1304
01:14:19,538 --> 01:14:21,256
We are so simpatico.

1305
01:14:22,249 --> 01:14:26,174
Maybe next time, we can dry-hump
without our clothes on.

1306
01:14:26,712 --> 01:14:29,386
I'm pretty sure I'd like that.
Yeah.

1307
01:14:38,057 --> 01:14:42,563
Even your forehead is sexy.
Well, time for bed.

1308
01:14:44,981 --> 01:14:46,904
All right, then.

1309
01:14:47,274 --> 01:14:48,867
See you in the mañana.

1310
01:14:50,528 --> 01:14:53,407
Elizabeth, don't let
the bedbugs bite.

1311
01:15:02,289 --> 01:15:03,415
Hey.

1312
01:15:04,291 --> 01:15:05,338
Hey.

1313
01:15:05,418 --> 01:15:08,297
I was just going over some
stuff for tomorrow.

1314
01:15:09,088 --> 01:15:10,635
Yeah, cool.

1315
01:15:12,341 --> 01:15:13,388
I'm serious.

1316
01:15:14,051 --> 01:15:15,348
Okay.

1317
01:15:16,429 --> 01:15:17,681
Cheers.

1318
01:15:18,764 --> 01:15:20,107
Hey.

1319
01:15:20,933 --> 01:15:24,813
They forgot to restock my mini bar.
How's yours looking?

1320
01:15:25,855 --> 01:15:29,075
You know what, I'm super tired.
I'm just gonna hit the sack.

1321
01:15:29,817 --> 01:15:30,818
Oh.

1322
01:15:31,277 --> 01:15:32,494
I'll see you tomorrow, then.

1323
01:15:32,695 --> 01:15:33,696
Good night.

1324
01:15:37,199 --> 01:15:39,122
And 17.

1325
01:15:39,201 --> 01:15:40,202
(EXHALES)

1326
01:15:41,078 --> 01:15:42,705
All done.

1327
01:15:43,164 --> 01:15:44,416
(PHONE BEEPING)
Shelly?

1328
01:15:45,291 --> 01:15:48,044
Oh, Shelly, someone's
got a message.

1329
01:15:48,836 --> 01:15:49,837
(SCOTT BREATHING HEAVILY)

1330
01:15:50,504 --> 01:15:51,505
(MOANING)

1331
01:15:51,589 --> 01:15:53,387
I'm dry-humping
the shit out of you.

1332
01:15:53,466 --> 01:15:55,389
ELIZABETH: Yeah, dry-fuck
the fuck out of me, Scott!

1333
01:15:56,385 --> 01:15:57,386
(SCREAM)

1334
01:15:58,304 --> 01:16:01,808
(IN DEEP VOICE) I wasn't
always president. Oh, no.

1335
01:16:01,891 --> 01:16:05,896
(NORMAL VOICE) I had many jobs
when I lived here in New Salem.

1336
01:16:05,978 --> 01:16:10,984
My fav... (DEEP VOICE) My
favorite job was splitting rails,

1337
01:16:11,484 --> 01:16:13,987
(NORMAL VOICE) which is why
they called me Railsplitter.

1338
01:16:14,320 --> 01:16:15,321
Uh...

1339
01:16:16,072 --> 01:16:19,497
Anybody know any of
my other nicknames?

1340
01:16:20,076 --> 01:16:22,124
Honest Abe!
Yes.

1341
01:16:22,703 --> 01:16:26,833
Obviously. Honest Abe.
That was the big one. Honest Abe.

1342
01:16:26,916 --> 01:16:30,341
They always called me that because
I said what was on my mind.

1343
01:16:30,878 --> 01:16:32,972
Even if it made me unpopular.

1344
01:16:33,589 --> 01:16:39,642
Remember, a great man always has the
courage to say what is in his heart.

1345
01:16:41,347 --> 01:16:42,599
Yeah?

1346
01:16:45,184 --> 01:16:47,278
I love Chase Rubin-Rossi.

1347
01:16:49,522 --> 01:16:50,694
Great.

1348
01:16:51,774 --> 01:16:54,653
Who would like to see Mary Todd churn butter?
(DEEPENS VOICE) Churn butter?

1349
01:16:54,735 --> 01:16:57,864
I love you, Chase.
I wanna yell it from the mountaintops.

1350
01:16:58,739 --> 01:17:02,289
And even though you pretty much
stopped talking to me in fifth grade,

1351
01:17:02,868 --> 01:17:04,370
I don't care.

1352
01:17:05,371 --> 01:17:09,126
I remember the Chase that wrote me
a card when my dad was overweight

1353
01:17:09,208 --> 01:17:11,085
and had to go to the hospital
because of his heart.

1354
01:17:12,253 --> 01:17:15,632
And a year later when he left my
mom and moved in with his trainer,

1355
01:17:15,714 --> 01:17:18,763
you wrote me another card.
What happened to us?

1356
01:17:20,261 --> 01:17:24,232
Remember in the second grade when we
had a sleepover and you wet the bed,

1357
01:17:24,306 --> 01:17:25,979
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)
and you were so embarrassed?

1358
01:17:26,058 --> 01:17:29,062
And you made me promise
never to tell anyone?

1359
01:17:29,145 --> 01:17:32,069
Well, I never have
and I never will.

1360
01:17:33,440 --> 01:17:36,740
So there it is.
My heart on a sleeve.

1361
01:17:37,820 --> 01:17:40,073
Don't let me leave.
No, please, don't.

1362
01:17:40,156 --> 01:17:42,705
Always believe.

1363
01:17:44,577 --> 01:17:45,703
Gross.

1364
01:17:47,329 --> 01:17:49,457
(MOCK COUGHING) Loser.
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)

1365
01:17:49,540 --> 01:17:51,759
Dork.
RUSSELL: Hey. All right, guys.

1366
01:17:51,834 --> 01:17:53,552
Come on, settle down.
Okay.

1367
01:17:53,627 --> 01:17:56,301
Let's see how Mary Todd's
doing with that butter.

1368
01:17:57,339 --> 01:17:59,888
Okay, that's enough.
We get it, you're crying.

1369
01:17:59,967 --> 01:18:02,595
She just laughed at me
and called me gross.

1370
01:18:02,678 --> 01:18:06,057
Well, yeah, did you hear your speech?
Come on, let's go back.

1371
01:18:06,140 --> 01:18:07,858
No. No, I'm not going back.

1372
01:18:07,933 --> 01:18:10,231
Come on.
Just leave me alone.

1373
01:18:11,020 --> 01:18:12,067
ELIZABETH: Shit.

1374
01:18:12,396 --> 01:18:13,864
Garrett.

1375
01:18:17,359 --> 01:18:19,157
Get your ass back here.

1376
01:18:28,621 --> 01:18:30,544
We done running?

1377
01:18:30,623 --> 01:18:32,091
Everything okay in here?

1378
01:18:32,374 --> 01:18:35,002
It's okay. I'm his teacher.

1379
01:18:35,085 --> 01:18:37,258
Okay. Take your time.

1380
01:18:38,172 --> 01:18:41,346
She's never gonna like me, is she?
Are we still on this?

1381
01:18:41,425 --> 01:18:42,893
She's my everything.

1382
01:18:45,262 --> 01:18:48,687
Okay, here's the deal, man.
I cannot keep sugar-coating this for you.

1383
01:18:48,766 --> 01:18:53,237
This girl is never gonna be
interested in you. Never.

1384
01:18:53,312 --> 01:18:58,660
You clearly have a rich interior life,
with the poems and the whatever,

1385
01:18:58,734 --> 01:19:02,238
but she wants a guy like
Ian what's-his-face.

1386
01:19:02,321 --> 01:19:05,666
Ian Mendelbaum, the
rapper? He's an idiot.

1387
01:19:05,741 --> 01:19:09,211
Yeah, he's a fucking moron.
But she doesn't care.

1388
01:19:09,286 --> 01:19:12,916
She's superficial and her
priorities are all fucked up.

1389
01:19:14,917 --> 01:19:17,545
She likes him because
he's hot and popular, dude.

1390
01:19:17,628 --> 01:19:20,598
You are sensitive.

1391
01:19:20,923 --> 01:19:22,516
Yes, thank you.

1392
01:19:22,633 --> 01:19:24,385
It's not a compliment.

1393
01:19:24,468 --> 01:19:25,469
Oh.

1394
01:19:25,636 --> 01:19:29,231
You have some rough road ahead of you.
Seventh grade is not your moment.

1395
01:19:29,765 --> 01:19:31,984
Yeah. Eighth grade
will be better.

1396
01:19:32,059 --> 01:19:33,436
Probably not.

1397
01:19:33,519 --> 01:19:37,899
I'm thinking college.
That's your window. Be ready.

1398
01:19:42,319 --> 01:19:45,163
If I go back out there,
everyone's gonna laugh at me.

1399
01:19:53,998 --> 01:19:55,295
Maybe this will help.

1400
01:19:55,374 --> 01:19:56,500
What are you doing?

1401
01:19:56,583 --> 01:19:57,960
I'm giving you a gift.

1402
01:19:59,044 --> 01:20:00,045
Woah!

1403
01:20:00,462 --> 01:20:03,261
We are gonna change
the news cycle.

1404
01:20:05,175 --> 01:20:06,347
Trust me on this.

1405
01:20:09,930 --> 01:20:12,353
I thought it would be heavier.
Don't be weird.

1406
01:20:12,433 --> 01:20:14,401
And take this off, and never
fucking wear it again.

1407
01:20:14,476 --> 01:20:16,228
What, are you crazy?

1408
01:20:21,191 --> 01:20:22,613
Everything okay with Garrett?

1409
01:20:22,693 --> 01:20:23,785
No, it's not.

1410
01:20:24,403 --> 01:20:27,247
I found him hooking up with an
eighth grader from another school.

1411
01:20:27,323 --> 01:20:30,042
She was jerking him off.
Yeah.

1412
01:20:30,117 --> 01:20:31,915
I'm gonna give him detention
when we get back.

1413
01:20:32,536 --> 01:20:34,413
That's probably a good idea.
Yeah.

1414
01:20:34,747 --> 01:20:37,466
Garrett probably made out with a
kid from an all boys' school.

1415
01:20:37,541 --> 01:20:39,964
Yeah. And he was
wearing this.

1416
01:20:40,627 --> 01:20:43,301
What?
Awesome.

1417
01:20:43,380 --> 01:20:45,223
GARRETT: Yep. It's real.
BOY: Let me see it.

1418
01:20:48,510 --> 01:20:50,763
That's a nice thing
you did.

1419
01:20:51,597 --> 01:20:54,191
I don't know what you're
talking about. Really?

1420
01:20:54,266 --> 01:20:57,566
'Cause I couldn't help but notice
that you're not wearing a bra.

1421
01:20:58,312 --> 01:21:01,942
And those kids over there
are playing with one.

1422
01:21:02,733 --> 01:21:04,155
Lots of people
don't wear bras.

1423
01:21:04,318 --> 01:21:06,537
Definitely. Lots of teachers.

1424
01:21:07,529 --> 01:21:10,408
Well, if you must know, I was helping
a student through a tough time.

1425
01:21:10,491 --> 01:21:14,667
I'm going through such a tough time.
Can I have your panties?

1426
01:21:15,079 --> 01:21:16,922
I'm not wearing any.

1427
01:21:26,882 --> 01:21:28,429
Amy. What are you doing here?

1428
01:21:28,509 --> 01:21:29,761
Scott, talk to the hand.

1429
01:21:31,136 --> 01:21:35,937
Amy.
I know everything.

1430
01:21:36,767 --> 01:21:39,361
Carl Halabi?
The state test?

1431
01:21:39,436 --> 01:21:41,530
The blatant disregard
for the school syllabus?

1432
01:21:42,398 --> 01:21:45,322
And let's not forget, the
sleeping with my boyfriend.

1433
01:21:47,361 --> 01:21:49,455
Scott, your phone accidentally
called me last night.

1434
01:21:51,031 --> 01:21:54,911
I can't believe you'd let her
take advantage of you like that.

1435
01:21:54,993 --> 01:21:57,621
You are too trusting.

1436
01:21:58,038 --> 01:21:59,130
I am.

1437
01:21:59,456 --> 01:22:01,003
I didn't know what
was happening.

1438
01:22:01,083 --> 01:22:02,835
I hope you haven't spent
that bonus check or anything,

1439
01:22:02,918 --> 01:22:04,295
because you're about
to give it back.

1440
01:22:04,378 --> 01:22:09,680
And then some.
Jail time. Jail time.

1441
01:22:10,342 --> 01:22:13,312
Did you ever think that maybe...
Save it, doll face.

1442
01:22:13,387 --> 01:22:17,688
You can explain it all tomorrow to the
principal and the superintendent,

1443
01:22:17,766 --> 01:22:19,518
when you've got your meeting
with the principal

1444
01:22:19,601 --> 01:22:22,980
and the superintendent
tomorrow, at the meeting.

1445
01:22:23,730 --> 01:22:25,073
Tomorrow.

1446
01:22:34,867 --> 01:22:37,711
ELIZABETH: I need you to go to this guy's
office and scare the shit out of him.

1447
01:22:38,871 --> 01:22:41,340
Tell me
my mission again.

1448
01:22:41,415 --> 01:22:43,133
Hand him the envelope.

1449
01:22:43,208 --> 01:22:45,131
I'm gonna need a
couple bucks for gas.

1450
01:22:49,756 --> 01:22:51,633
And a couple bucks for snacks.

1451
01:22:53,469 --> 01:22:55,312
(THE RIPPER PLAYING)

1452
01:22:56,638 --> 01:22:59,983
♪ You're in for a surprise

1453
01:23:00,058 --> 01:23:02,777
♪ You're in for a shock

1454
01:23:03,812 --> 01:23:06,281
♪ In London town streets

1455
01:23:06,648 --> 01:23:09,948
♪ When there's darkness
and fog

1456
01:23:10,319 --> 01:23:13,118
♪ When you least expect me

1457
01:23:13,864 --> 01:23:15,411
♪ And you turn your... ♪

1458
01:23:15,491 --> 01:23:16,492
(GROANS IN PAIN)

1459
01:23:16,617 --> 01:23:17,869
Oh, my God.

1460
01:23:18,827 --> 01:23:21,376
Sir? Oh, my God,
are you okay?

1461
01:23:21,455 --> 01:23:23,173
I think I fucked up my knee.

1462
01:23:23,332 --> 01:23:24,959
Okay. Easy, easy does it.

1463
01:23:25,042 --> 01:23:27,044
Easy. Easy.
Hey.

1464
01:23:27,669 --> 01:23:28,761
Do you need an ambulance?

1465
01:23:28,837 --> 01:23:31,215
An ambulance is not necessary.
I just wanna walk it off.

1466
01:23:31,298 --> 01:23:33,721
Okay, walking on it's number one
worst thing you could probably do.

1467
01:23:34,301 --> 01:23:35,302
(GRUNTING)

1468
01:23:36,637 --> 01:23:38,981
Please don't touch my mirror.
Please, sir.

1469
01:23:39,056 --> 01:23:41,775
What the fuck?
Who does that?

1470
01:23:41,850 --> 01:23:43,978
I'm a friend of Marjorie's.
Yeah.

1471
01:23:44,144 --> 01:23:45,145
(CHUCKLING)

1472
01:23:45,229 --> 01:23:46,321
A friend of Marjorie's?

1473
01:23:46,396 --> 01:23:47,818
Well, then fuck you, man.
Hey!

1474
01:23:47,898 --> 01:23:49,821
No, shit, fuck you.
No, fuck you.

1475
01:23:49,900 --> 01:23:51,243
Fuck you.
You like that?

1476
01:23:51,318 --> 01:23:52,535
Stop kicking it! Stop!

1477
01:23:52,611 --> 01:23:55,285
You stop fucking kicking it!
Fuck your scooter, and fuck Marjorie.

1478
01:23:55,364 --> 01:23:57,116
She drugged me,
and she stole from me,

1479
01:23:57,199 --> 01:23:58,917
and she's going down.
Let me think.

1480
01:24:05,582 --> 01:24:08,256
Take it.
Go ahead and open it.

1481
01:24:09,294 --> 01:24:10,386
Open it.

1482
01:24:13,090 --> 01:24:17,596
Yeah, not bad for a camera phone, huh?
You can keep those, too.

1483
01:24:17,678 --> 01:24:18,930
Fuck.

1484
01:24:19,846 --> 01:24:22,224
And I was never here,
you hear me?

1485
01:24:22,724 --> 01:24:23,896
Fuck.

1486
01:24:26,103 --> 01:24:27,901
Don't...
Stop fucking with my car!

1487
01:24:31,525 --> 01:24:32,526
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

1488
01:24:33,235 --> 01:24:34,487
They're ready for you.

1489
01:24:37,906 --> 01:24:39,954
"Learning is Fun-tastic."

1490
01:24:41,034 --> 01:24:42,377
What'd you say to me?

1491
01:24:42,452 --> 01:24:43,453
Your desk.

1492
01:24:47,708 --> 01:24:49,961
Yeah. I forgot
that was there.

1493
01:24:51,128 --> 01:24:53,096
I'm such a ditz sometimes.

1494
01:24:54,840 --> 01:24:58,014
This is very, very bad,
Elizabeth.

1495
01:24:58,093 --> 01:25:00,892
Incredibly, very bad,
Elizabeth!

1496
01:25:01,013 --> 01:25:02,560
Amy, you said you wouldn't speak.
That doesn't

1497
01:25:02,639 --> 01:25:03,640
sound like observing.

1498
01:25:04,850 --> 01:25:05,976
Bring him in.

1499
01:25:14,026 --> 01:25:17,576
Mr. Halabi. Thank you for your time.
You're most welcome.

1500
01:25:17,988 --> 01:25:21,492
I guess I should begin
by saying that my statement

1501
01:25:21,575 --> 01:25:25,000
from earlier in the week
was not true.

1502
01:25:26,622 --> 01:25:28,624
What part of it,
exactly?

1503
01:25:29,750 --> 01:25:32,128
All of it. Pretty much.

1504
01:25:33,211 --> 01:25:35,464
I've never seen this
woman before in my life.

1505
01:25:35,547 --> 01:25:36,844
Baloney.

1506
01:25:36,923 --> 01:25:39,642
You seemed very certain
a couple of days ago.

1507
01:25:40,344 --> 01:25:41,687
I did, because...

1508
01:25:41,928 --> 01:25:42,929
(CLEARS THROAT)

1509
01:25:43,096 --> 01:25:44,097
Uh...

1510
01:25:46,600 --> 01:25:51,151
I am a casual drug user.
That's my thing and everybody knows it.

1511
01:25:51,730 --> 01:25:56,657
So that explains me making
absolutely no sense.

1512
01:25:59,988 --> 01:26:01,581
Thank you.

1513
01:26:01,657 --> 01:26:05,503
You realize that if we find out you're
lying, you're gonna lose your job?

1514
01:26:05,577 --> 01:26:07,045
Plus jail time.

1515
01:26:07,120 --> 01:26:08,417
Yes, I understand.

1516
01:26:09,373 --> 01:26:14,049
I just don't want to see
an innocent teacher get hurt.

1517
01:26:14,628 --> 01:26:15,800
Thank you, sir.

1518
01:26:15,879 --> 01:26:20,180
I don't want to see
anybody get hurt.

1519
01:26:25,639 --> 01:26:27,266
(DOOR OPENS AND OLOSES)

1520
01:26:29,101 --> 01:26:30,944
What the hell was that?

1521
01:26:31,061 --> 01:26:32,529
So there you go.

1522
01:26:32,604 --> 01:26:33,947
I guess that explains
everything.

1523
01:26:34,022 --> 01:26:38,653
Retest! Retest! Retest!
Damn it, Squirrel!

1524
01:26:38,735 --> 01:26:42,080
I am not going to have a repeat of 2008.
Sit your ass down.

1525
01:26:45,325 --> 01:26:46,622
A retest, Don?

1526
01:26:46,702 --> 01:26:50,252
Come on, do we really wanna tell our
young people that if they study,

1527
01:26:50,330 --> 01:26:53,709
sacrifice, and achieve the
highest scores in the state,

1528
01:26:53,792 --> 01:26:56,511
that they're rewarded
with suspicion?

1529
01:26:58,171 --> 01:27:03,302
I don't. I find these kinds
of accusations troubling.

1530
01:27:03,385 --> 01:27:06,229
And, quite frankly, reckless.

1531
01:27:07,347 --> 01:27:11,853
I work my ass off for this school,
and I know I am not perfect.

1532
01:27:11,935 --> 01:27:15,735
But show me the
perfect teacher. You can't.

1533
01:27:15,814 --> 01:27:20,411
There are even teachers in this
very school who use drugs.

1534
01:27:21,445 --> 01:27:23,368
They do. They do use drugs.

1535
01:27:23,447 --> 01:27:25,245
They do.
They do.

1536
01:27:25,323 --> 01:27:26,540
They do.

1537
01:27:26,867 --> 01:27:28,335
Wally, do you remember
how I told you

1538
01:27:28,410 --> 01:27:32,210
there are teachers here
who use and abuse drugs?

1539
01:27:32,289 --> 01:27:35,589
God damn it.
And I'm hearing about this now?

1540
01:27:41,173 --> 01:27:42,925
POLICE OFFICER: What is it, Axel?
Where is it, boy?

1541
01:27:43,008 --> 01:27:44,510
No, no, no.
That's my class.

1542
01:27:44,593 --> 01:27:46,470
Axel's barking up
the wrong tree there.

1543
01:27:46,762 --> 01:27:49,015
Ma'am. Please,
don't touch the dog.

1544
01:27:49,181 --> 01:27:51,149
Your dog is mistaken.

1545
01:27:52,809 --> 01:27:54,186
POLICE OFFICER:
What do you got, Axel?

1546
01:27:54,269 --> 01:27:56,112
AMY: He's not gonna find
anything in here.

1547
01:28:02,277 --> 01:28:05,497
It's clean.
Ha! I told you.

1548
01:28:05,947 --> 01:28:07,415
Maybe there's a false bottom.

1549
01:28:19,628 --> 01:28:21,130
That is not mine.

1550
01:28:22,839 --> 01:28:25,262
This isn't even my desk.
It's hers.

1551
01:28:25,342 --> 01:28:27,891
Don't worry, Amy.
We'll get you the help you need.

1552
01:28:31,181 --> 01:28:34,025
You monster!
Whoa, lady.

1553
01:28:34,559 --> 01:28:37,312
Calm down, lady.
Fucking damn it.

1554
01:28:37,395 --> 01:28:41,116
What the fuck?
I stole her desk!

1555
01:28:41,191 --> 01:28:46,413
You can check my urine.
Check it! Check my urine!

1556
01:28:47,739 --> 01:28:51,039
WALLY: Well, it's been another
great year here at JAMS.

1557
01:28:51,409 --> 01:28:52,752
With summer around the corner,

1558
01:28:52,828 --> 01:28:55,331
it's time to say goodbye not
only to another school year,

1559
01:28:55,413 --> 01:28:57,586
but also to one of our own.

1560
01:28:58,625 --> 01:29:00,298
Amy Squirrel.

1561
01:29:00,377 --> 01:29:05,383
After six short years, Amy is
transferring out of the district.

1562
01:29:05,465 --> 01:29:07,058
Speech, speech.
Well...

1563
01:29:08,552 --> 01:29:13,149
Uh, Wally, thank you for those
kind words, and thank you all.

1564
01:29:13,515 --> 01:29:17,691
My decision that I made myself
to leave was super difficult,

1565
01:29:17,769 --> 01:29:22,525
but when the superintendent personally asks
you to work at one of the worst schools

1566
01:29:22,607 --> 01:29:26,612
in the state, well,
you say, "Yes."

1567
01:29:27,612 --> 01:29:32,709
And, boy, I am looking forward to
bringing my brand of zany energy

1568
01:29:32,784 --> 01:29:36,414
to those underprivileged students
at Malcolm X High School.

1569
01:29:38,582 --> 01:29:39,879
Thank you.

1570
01:29:40,959 --> 01:29:46,261
Hey, Elizabeth. Listen,
since Amy's transferring,

1571
01:29:46,339 --> 01:29:48,683
maybe the two of us
can start over.

1572
01:29:53,430 --> 01:29:55,853
Hey, there. Scott Delacorte.
And you are?

1573
01:29:57,267 --> 01:29:58,814
Leaving.

1574
01:30:15,285 --> 01:30:16,662
Elizabeth.

1575
01:30:17,913 --> 01:30:19,085
Here.

1576
01:30:20,624 --> 01:30:23,673
Sign my yearbook.
Hold my ball sack.

1577
01:30:26,046 --> 01:30:31,177
I'm gonna write my number down just in
case you need a lift after the surgery

1578
01:30:31,259 --> 01:30:32,852
or just, like, an extra
set of hands to make sure

1579
01:30:32,928 --> 01:30:34,601
the implants are
settling properly.

1580
01:30:34,679 --> 01:30:36,147
Thanks.

1581
01:30:36,222 --> 01:30:39,772
Hey, you're not gonna teach
again next year, are you?

1582
01:30:39,851 --> 01:30:42,195
I don't know.
It's the only thing I'm good at.

1583
01:30:42,270 --> 01:30:45,740
I'm just saying maybe you should
consider doing something else.

1584
01:30:45,815 --> 01:30:49,570
Like, anything else.
Like, any other job in the entire world.

1585
01:30:50,320 --> 01:30:51,321
Hmm.

1586
01:30:52,614 --> 01:30:57,745
You know, the two of us?
It's never gonna happen.

1587
01:30:58,703 --> 01:31:01,297
Clearly.
I mean, how would that even work?

1588
01:31:01,373 --> 01:31:03,375
Where do you even live?

1589
01:31:03,458 --> 01:31:05,711
In some weird apartment
with some creepy roommate?

1590
01:31:05,794 --> 01:31:10,265
No, my creepy roommate moved out,
so now it's just me and the dogs.

1591
01:31:10,799 --> 01:31:12,301
How many dogs do you have?
Four.

1592
01:31:12,384 --> 01:31:13,852
Four dogs?
Yeah.

1593
01:31:13,927 --> 01:31:15,179
Four Dobermans.

1594
01:31:15,553 --> 01:31:18,147
Any family money?
Yeah, you bet.

1595
01:31:18,223 --> 01:31:22,603
We're talking like three
figures. Almost 700 bucks.

1596
01:31:23,728 --> 01:31:27,198
So, basically, if I was gonna go out with
you, I would be making the conscious choice

1597
01:31:27,273 --> 01:31:30,948
to be dating a gym teacher who
lives in a shack with four dogs.

1598
01:31:31,486 --> 01:31:35,992
I prefer to think of it as two
people with amazing bodies

1599
01:31:36,074 --> 01:31:38,452
sharing those bodies
with each other.

1600
01:31:39,577 --> 01:31:41,500
Giving each other
the gift of these bodies.

1601
01:31:43,540 --> 01:31:46,714
Anyway, actually,
none of this really matters.

1602
01:31:47,585 --> 01:31:50,304
I sort of started
seeing somebody.

1603
01:31:50,755 --> 01:31:51,756
Oh.

1604
01:31:53,633 --> 01:31:57,729
Really? Congratulations.
I didn't realize that, so...

1605
01:31:58,179 --> 01:32:00,523
Yeah.
I feel stupid.

1606
01:32:00,765 --> 01:32:02,267
So...
I'm just fucking with you.

1607
01:32:05,020 --> 01:32:06,488
I guess I deserved
that one.

1608
01:32:06,563 --> 01:32:08,031
Yeah, you most certainly did.

1609
01:32:08,523 --> 01:32:12,403
I think it's about time you realize
that the whole world doesn't just...

1610
01:32:20,869 --> 01:32:22,086
See you around,
gym teacher.

1611
01:32:32,922 --> 01:32:35,516
Hey. Let's do that again.

1612
01:32:55,862 --> 01:32:57,364
Hey, Elizabeth.

1613
01:32:57,447 --> 01:32:59,324
Hey, Lynn.
How was your summer?

1614
01:32:59,449 --> 01:33:02,953
It was great.
I went to the zoo almost every weekend.

1615
01:33:03,036 --> 01:33:04,959
Wow, that sounds great.

1616
01:33:05,497 --> 01:33:08,250
You didn't get
your tits.

1617
01:33:08,333 --> 01:33:11,553
Yeah, I thought about it and, you know,
realized I don't even need them.

1618
01:33:11,628 --> 01:33:13,881
Plus, they're really
expensive, you know, per tit.

1619
01:33:13,963 --> 01:33:16,057
Yeah, and you gotta
get two of 'em.

1620
01:33:18,885 --> 01:33:21,638
And I met a guy.
Tell me everything.

1621
01:33:21,721 --> 01:33:23,564
Did you find your
Prince Charming?

1622
01:33:25,683 --> 01:33:27,105
Something like that.

1623
01:33:29,312 --> 01:33:33,158
Hey, you wanna grab lunch later?
Sure, yeah, my treat.

1624
01:33:33,233 --> 01:33:35,235
You got it last time.
We'll split it.

1625
01:33:35,318 --> 01:33:36,945
Oh, okay. Yeah.

1626
01:33:40,907 --> 01:33:44,537
Hey. You in the cape.
You're up first, let's go.

1627
01:33:57,048 --> 01:33:58,641
(REAL WILD CHILD PLAYING)

1628
01:33:59,175 --> 01:34:00,472
♪ Well, I'm just out of school

1629
01:34:00,552 --> 01:34:01,769
♪ Like I'm real, real cool

1630
01:34:01,845 --> 01:34:03,062
♪ Gotta dance like a fool

1631
01:34:03,138 --> 01:34:05,607
♪ Got the message
that I gotta be a wild one

1632
01:34:06,307 --> 01:34:08,309
♪ Ooh, yeah, I'm a wild one

1633
01:34:09,644 --> 01:34:10,816
♪ Gotta break it loose

1634
01:34:10,895 --> 01:34:12,238
♪ Gonna keep 'em moving wild

1635
01:34:12,313 --> 01:34:16,113
♪ Gonna keep a-swinging, baby
I'm a real wild child

1636
01:34:17,318 --> 01:34:18,319
♪ Yeah

1637
01:34:21,948 --> 01:34:24,076
♪ Well, I'm a real wild one

1638
01:34:24,242 --> 01:34:25,494
♪ And I like wild fun

1639
01:34:25,577 --> 01:34:26,669
♪ In a world gone crazy

1640
01:34:26,744 --> 01:34:29,213
♪ Everything seems hazy
I'm a wild one

1641
01:34:29,998 --> 01:34:32,171
♪ Ooh, yeah, I'm a wild one

1642
01:34:33,334 --> 01:34:34,756
♪ Gotta break it loose

1643
01:34:34,836 --> 01:34:36,088
♪ Gonna keep 'em moving wild

1644
01:34:36,171 --> 01:34:39,550
♪ Gonna keep a-swinging, baby
I'm a real wild child

1645
01:34:56,858 --> 01:34:58,280
♪ Well, I'm just out of school

1646
01:34:58,359 --> 01:34:59,611
♪ Like I'm real, real cool

1647
01:34:59,694 --> 01:35:01,037
♪ Gotta dance like a fool

1648
01:35:01,112 --> 01:35:03,490
♪ Got the message
that I gotta be a wild one

1649
01:35:04,240 --> 01:35:06,538
♪ Ooh, yeah, I'm a wild one

1650
01:35:07,535 --> 01:35:08,787
♪ Gotta break it loose

1651
01:35:08,870 --> 01:35:10,122
♪ Gonna keep 'em moving wild

1652
01:35:10,205 --> 01:35:13,960
♪ Gonna keep a-swinging, baby
I'm a real wild child

1653
01:35:15,877 --> 01:35:17,220
♪ I'm a wild one

1654
01:35:17,712 --> 01:35:19,885
♪ Ooh, yeah, I'm a wild one

1655
01:35:20,048 --> 01:35:22,221
♪ Oh, yeah, I'm a wild one

1656
01:35:23,509 --> 01:35:24,806
J' Gotta break it loose

1657
01:35:24,928 --> 01:35:26,225
♪ Gonna keep 'em moving wild

1658
01:35:26,304 --> 01:35:29,228
♪ Gonna keep a-swinging, baby
I'm a real wild child ♪