1 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:09,000 [Drum cadence] 2 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:22,300 [Grand instrumental music] 3 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,900 [Fast-paced instrumental music] 4 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:56,700 ['80s rap music on radio] 5 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,600 Take it, brother. 6 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,500 ['80s rap music continues] 7 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,200 Let me break you. 8 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,400 Man, that was funky. 9 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:47,300 ['80s rap music continues] 10 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,300 [Mahoney screaming] 11 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,700 -Fore! -Well, I guess the meeting's started. 12 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:07,800 -Howdy, sir? -Mahoney! Jones! 13 00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:10,100 Thank you, Sweetchuck. 14 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:14,100 I've had the most wonderful news about my new program. 15 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:22,800 -What new program is that, sir? -My citizens on patrol. 16 00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:24,800 I call it C.O.P. for short. 17 00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:27,100 Has a nice policey ring to it, don't you think? 18 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:28,700 What is C.O.P., sir? 19 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:34,100 What is the most frustrating thing about police work? 20 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:37,700 -Not being able to carry hand grenades. -Separate locker rooms, sir. 21 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,500 Icky blue uniforms. 22 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,500 I always thought that the most frustrating thing was that... 23 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,400 we couldn't be everywhere at once to solve every crime. 24 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:48,500 So the public ends up thinking of us as enemies. 25 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,100 Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all be friends? 26 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,500 [In falsetto] Officer Mahoney, please come in. 27 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,700 Have some lemonade. [Returns to normal voice] I love lemonade. 28 00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:03,300 -Not too tart, not-- -Too sweet, just good. 29 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:04,800 [Imitating gulp] 30 00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:07,300 [Burping] 31 00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:10,800 So C.O.P. is a community action program, sir. 32 00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:15,000 -Like Neighborhood Watch? -More. Much more! 33 00:04:15,700 --> 00:04:17,700 We show the community that we care. 34 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:22,300 We train volunteers in crime detection, in first-aid and.... 35 00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:26,200 -And it's a great idea, sir. -But we need citizen support. 36 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,400 With all this neighborhood crime, I'm sure you'll get it. 37 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,800 LASSARD: Fore! SWEETCHUCK: Right. What if we were to.... 38 00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:32,900 [Sweetchuck yelping in pain] 39 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:34,400 What was that? 40 00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:37,500 I believe brother Sweetchuck is suggesting... 41 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,600 we recruit in our old neighborhood. 42 00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:42,700 Excellent. We have the full support of the Mayor... 43 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,800 and best of all, the Governor of the state wants me to unveil the program... 44 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:50,200 at the end of the International Police Seminar... 45 00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:51,800 next month in England. 46 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,400 While I attend the seminar... 47 00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:57,400 you, my good friends... 48 00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:59,500 will put C.O.P. into action. 49 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:03,100 It will change community relations all around the world. 50 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,300 The Lassard Method. 51 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,500 It rolls nicely off the tongue, don't you think? 52 00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:12,500 Hi! What did I miss? 53 00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:16,900 [Zed grunting] 54 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:19,600 Hi. 55 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,900 [Singing children's song] 56 00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:35,400 Capt. Harris, Police Commissioner Hurst is here. 57 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:36,600 You want to see him? 58 00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:38,400 No. Send him packing. 59 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:40,800 Yes, sir. 60 00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:43,300 HARRIS: Proctor! PROCTOR: Yes, sir? 61 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,900 Send the Commissioner in immediately. 62 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,100 PROCTOR: You said to send him packing. HARRIS: Immediately! 63 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:50,400 Yes, sir. 64 00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:53,200 Nincompoop. 65 00:05:54,900 --> 00:05:56,300 Commissioner. 66 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,600 -You have a problem, Capt. Harris? -Yes, sir. 67 00:06:00,700 --> 00:06:05,300 Commissioner, I am extremely concerned with this memorandum from Lassard... 68 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,000 about his C.O.P. program. 69 00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:12,500 Citizens doing police work? An asinine idea. 70 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:17,400 If this goes through, no policeman's job, no policeman's paycheck, will be safe. 71 00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:19,000 Are you through, Captain? 72 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:23,500 The Governor of this state thinks that this program is absolutely brilliant. 73 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:28,200 So until he changes his mind, that's what you and I think, too. 74 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:29,700 Agreed? 75 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,800 -Yes, sir. -Good. 76 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,900 You were right. You should have sent him packing. 77 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,200 I don't give a damn what the Governor or the Mayor thinks. 78 00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:47,500 Lassard's program is a mistake... 79 00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:51,200 and anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong. 80 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,300 Pure and simple. 81 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:56,900 Don't touch those! 82 00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:00,300 Don't you ever touch my balls without asking! 83 00:07:04,900 --> 00:07:07,800 [Light instrumental music] 84 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,600 You're gonna have to leave. I'll call the police. I mean it. 85 00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:22,800 Okay, I'm going. I'm out of here. 86 00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:26,400 Wait a minute. I am the police. 87 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:31,300 DIRECTOR: No, you're not. ZED: It's me. I'm here to speak about C.O.P. 88 00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:36,900 I'm sorry. I didn't.... Without the uniform on-- 89 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:40,300 Regular human clothes make people more comfortable. 90 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:45,600 Hi, ladies. Let's do some poetry! 91 00:07:45,700 --> 00:07:47,100 [Ladies' teacups rattling] 92 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,200 [Upbeat instrumental music] 93 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,000 I got to go to my in-laws' for dinner tonight. 94 00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,300 [Motor scooter horn blowing] 95 00:07:57,500 --> 00:07:59,000 You want to come? 96 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,900 Officer Hightower, I'm here to join the new C.O.P. Program. 97 00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,400 Do I know you? 98 00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,700 Yeah, you used to bounce me on your knee. 99 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,000 -I did? -Yeah. Little Tommy Conklin. 100 00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:12,600 HOUSE: But now they call me House. HIGHTOWER: Tommy Conklin. 101 00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:18,800 Sure. Welcome aboard. You can register right over there. 102 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,500 [Upbeat instrumental music continues] 103 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:35,600 "Blind mouth that scare themselves 104 00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:39,200 "know how to hold a sheep-hook 105 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,900 "Or have learned aught else at least 106 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:47,500 "that to the faithful Herdsmans art belongs! " 107 00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:00,600 DlRECTOR: That was exciting. 108 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,000 We have an Officer Zed, who's here to tell us... 109 00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:07,500 a little bit about a new police program. So won't you.... 110 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,300 Thank you very much. 111 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,500 I'm sorry. I'm an emotional, sensitive guy... 112 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,800 and that part about the sheep-hook just tore my heart right out. 113 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,600 I have my own poem that I prepared for you today. 114 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,300 "Gene, Gene made a machine... 115 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,100 "and Joe, Joe made it go. 116 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:37,800 "I blew a fart and blew the whole damn thing apart." 117 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,400 What is he saying? 118 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,200 I didn't write it. 119 00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:49,200 Okay, I'd like to talk to you about what we're here for... 120 00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:52,300 and that's for me to pitch the new C.O.P. program to you. 121 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,700 Perhaps a few of you ladies might be interested in it. 122 00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:59,900 MR. KIRKLAND: The bartender asked the organ grinder... 123 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,000 "Hey, does your monkey sing any opera?" 124 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,900 And I said, "Nope. 125 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:07,100 "But if you hit me on the head, I'll sing Yankee Doodle. " 126 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:08,700 [Kirklands laughing] 127 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,800 It's so nice to have my family all back together again. 128 00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:19,100 [Mrs. Kirkland yelping] 129 00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:23,800 -Can you pass the lettuce, Pop? -Sure, honey. Here you go. 130 00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:26,100 MRS. TACKLEBERRY: Thanks. MR. KIRKLAND: Sure. Listen... 131 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,000 did I tell you I'm gonna join that Citizen On Patrol thing? 132 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:32,500 That would be a great idea. I'd be proud to have you at the precinct. 133 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,700 I'll take some more greens, Bud. 134 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,000 -Dad. -Yeah? 135 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:40,000 I don't think you should sign up. There are already three of us on the force. 136 00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:43,300 -It's going to look like favoritism. -That's not it. 137 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:48,200 That's not it at all. You just don't think I'm fast enough anymore, do you? 138 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,800 I don't think that's it, do you, Tack? 139 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:57,700 It has nothing to do with being fast. Now, that was fast. 140 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,000 You know, that was fast. 141 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,100 But that's hard. 142 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,300 MRS. KIRKLAND: Excuse me. 143 00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,500 I think Bud hurt Pop's feelings. 144 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,500 [Light instrumental music] 145 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,100 Oh, you two. 146 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,500 [Bud groaning in pain] 147 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,200 Oh, well, who wants pie? 148 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,600 ZED: I was just trying to help. SWEETCHUCK: You hurt my arm. 149 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,100 -I'll hand the rest out. Hi. -Hi. 150 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:45,200 Could I interest you in the new citizens program? 151 00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:47,300 -No, I don't think so. -No, thanks. 152 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,500 -We'll take the stairs. -Thanks, just the same. 153 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,300 Excuse me! 154 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,900 Would you be interested in the new citizens program? 155 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:00,500 -Yes, in fact, we didn't hear you right. -Sure, here. 156 00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:04,600 -Why don't you hand the rest of them out? -Thank you very much. Goodbye, sir. 157 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,600 -Arnie, where are you going? -Home. I got a boatload of stuff to do. 158 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:16,600 I got a term paper due tomorrow, and a history test. 159 00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:20,800 I got to help my father clean the cellar, and I have to do the dishes tonight. 160 00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,000 What are you doing? 161 00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:25,100 -I'll get the guys and hang out at the mall. -Let's go. 162 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,400 I thought I told you guys, no skateboarding in my district. 163 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:37,300 This isn't skateboarding, Sergeant. This is carrying skateboards. 164 00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:42,700 This is skateboarding. 165 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:51,300 ['80s rock song playing] 166 00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:04,500 KYLE: We got to check this out, guys. FRIEND: Take it easy. 167 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,100 KYLE: We'll see you later. 168 00:14:13,900 --> 00:14:16,300 I'll see you later. I want to check out these guys. 169 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,000 KYLE: All right, I'll be back. 170 00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:39,400 Hey, Sarge, look at that. 171 00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:42,900 Kyle, that skateboard punk. Let's nail him. 172 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,300 Boy, you sure give them a hard time. 173 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:47,700 Yeah. Fun, isn't it? 174 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,100 You don't listen, do you, Kyle? 175 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,700 I was shopping for Capt. Harris' birthday present. 176 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:00,300 -Yeah? -Yeah. 177 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,100 Shop somewhere else. 178 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:04,900 Your Honor.... 179 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:10,100 Here, Judge. Stop him! Hold up! 180 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,100 KYLE: Excuse me, pardon me. Excuse me, my fault. 181 00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:17,800 MAN: Watch it! COPELAND: Stop! Stop that skateboarder! 182 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,100 I can do that, that handstand stuff. 183 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,900 I just hate it when the change falls out of my pocket. 184 00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:31,300 Hey, man, I think these guys want to talk to you. 185 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,800 [Dramatic instrumental music] 186 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,200 Hold it! 187 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,600 Capt. Harris will hear about this! 188 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:01,700 [Knocking on door] 189 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:02,900 Come. 190 00:16:03,900 --> 00:16:06,800 -Sir. -Copeland, what the hell happened to you? 191 00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:09,300 Some skateboard punks started a riot at the mall. 192 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,900 Bring them in here. 193 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,300 -They got away. -They got away? 194 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:17,400 -I did the best I could, sir. -It wasn't enough, was it, Copeland? 195 00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:20,900 -No, sir. -I'll handle these punks personally. 196 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,900 COPELAND: Yes, sir. HARRIS: I want three cars... 197 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,000 dissecting the neighborhood. Copeland, my hat! 198 00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:27,200 COPELAND: Yes, sir. HARRIS: Radio all motorcycle units. 199 00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:30,000 I want a chopper in the air. Spot these boys on the ground. 200 00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:31,600 Proctor, ride with me. 201 00:16:31,900 --> 00:16:35,900 -Now, Proctor, move it! -Coming, sir. 202 00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:41,400 Be right there! 203 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,000 HARRIS: There they go! 204 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,300 Back it up. Quiet! 205 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:53,500 [Tires screeching] 206 00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:56,700 HARRIS: I said quiet, dickhead. 207 00:16:58,300 --> 00:16:59,900 We've got them now. 208 00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:03,300 [Tense instrumental music] 209 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,300 I know they came in here. 210 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,700 [Tires screeching] 211 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,900 [Police siren blaring] 212 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,400 OFFICER: Unit 6 to Capt. Harris. We got them at the end of the alley. 213 00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:31,900 COPELAND: I got you now! 214 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,700 HARRIS [On radio]: You hold them right there. We're coming. 215 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,800 Copeland, have you got them? 216 00:17:39,900 --> 00:17:43,800 MAHONEY: Good evening, everyone. I'm Carey Mahoney of the Police Academy. 217 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:48,800 Thank you. Thank you very much. Please. Thank you. You're too kind. 218 00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,400 [Jones imitating a roaring crowd] 219 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:53,100 Jones! 220 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:58,400 KYLE: It's Harris. Haul ass. Go. 221 00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:05,300 HARRIS: I got you, you little punks. 222 00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:11,200 Freeze, you little hoodlums. Get your hands off my ass, Proctor. 223 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,000 Get away, Proctor. 224 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:20,800 [Harris' pants ripping] 225 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,200 Proctor! 226 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,100 No. Don't shake the fence. 227 00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:39,200 Oh, shit. No! 228 00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:44,600 MAHONEY: The purpose of this program... 229 00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:48,500 is to develop a better working relationship between us, the police... 230 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:52,400 When he says, "Okay, boys and girls," we're all gonna.... 231 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,900 ...and you, the community. 232 00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:58,700 [Whistle blowing] 233 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:03,100 HARRIS: Stop! Stop right there! 234 00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:08,200 You see, the great thing is, this is a first. 235 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:12,800 The Police Academy has offered to train you citizens to better protect yourselves. 236 00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:15,900 MAHONEY: You'll be trendsetters. MRS. FELDMAN: Do we get to pack heat? 237 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,100 MAHONEY: Heat-- 238 00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:19,000 [Kyle and Arnie screaming] 239 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,600 HARRIS: Stop those little punks! Stop them! 240 00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:26,700 [Harris screaming] 241 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,400 You're under arrest! 242 00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:35,000 WOMAN: Are you all right? 243 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,300 HARRIS: Who's laughing now, you little twits? 244 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,500 And your clothes make me want to puke. I'll tell you that right now. 245 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:45,500 MAHONEY: Capt. Harris! HARRIS: Well, well, Mahoney. 246 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,400 -It's been a long time, sir. -So it has. 247 00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:50,400 Well, Motormouth Jones. 248 00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,900 Anyone ever tell you you've got a great tailor, sir? 249 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,100 I mentioned that just last week. 250 00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:00,800 Has anyone told you, Mahoney, that you're still a little pissant? 251 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:04,100 -No one whose opinion matters, sir. -What did Arnie and Kyle do? 252 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:08,000 You know those clowns? I should have figured. 253 00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:12,700 Your little pals wrecked a police car, destroyed a shopping mall... 254 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,200 harassed citizens, resisted arrest. 255 00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:17,700 Go easy, Captain. They're just wacky kids. 256 00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:20,700 We'll see how those wacky kids like it in jail. 257 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:27,300 JUDGE: In all my years on the bench, I have seen all sorts of public disorder. 258 00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,700 Young people must learn to conform... 259 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,700 to the standards and laws of civilized society. 260 00:20:33,100 --> 00:20:36,300 In reviewing the testimony and taking into account... 261 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:39,600 your disregard for public and private property... 262 00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:42,700 I can reach only one decision: 263 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,100 Guilty as hell. 264 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,200 You flushed me down the toilet! 265 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:53,400 Before you pass sentence-- 266 00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:56,600 They're gonna send me to jail, and some fat, hairy guy is gonna-- 267 00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:59,600 -May I approach the bench, Your Honor? -Yes, Sergeant. 268 00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:04,400 Sir, do we want to expose these boys, these children to a prison environment? 269 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:07,900 -Yes. -May I run my own court, Captain? 270 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,300 JUDGE: You've got a better idea? MAHONEY: Yes, sir. 271 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,500 Comdt. Lassard has initiated a new community relations program. 272 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,800 Why not assign these kids... 273 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:18,100 to that program as a form of alternate sentencing? 274 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,900 -That's ridiculous! -I'll be the judge of that. 275 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,600 BUTTERWORTH: I.... Excuse me. 276 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,200 I like the sound of this community relations gig. 277 00:21:27,700 --> 00:21:30,900 Milt Butterworth, defender of the common man. 278 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:34,400 Your Honor, look at this list of complaints. 279 00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:37,200 And I quote you directly, sir, when I say-- 280 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:38,700 [Jones imitating flatulence] 281 00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:53,100 Gee, sir, I thought you only got contempt of court for opening your mouth. 282 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,600 Mahoney, I'm warning you. 283 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,800 You keep Lassard's C.O.Ps out of my precinct. 284 00:22:00,900 --> 00:22:02,700 You don't understand what I'm trying to do. 285 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,000 I understand exactly what you're trying to do. 286 00:22:05,100 --> 00:22:08,500 Just keep them out, especially these two little buttwads. 287 00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,100 Excuse me, sir, but you're not planning to attack us... 288 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,900 with any more of your bodily functions, are you? 289 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:20,300 You just make sure that we never meet again. Ever. 290 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,300 You know, with those two idiots in Lassard's program, it'll never work. 291 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,500 [Harmonica playing] 292 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,100 Excuse me, sir. 293 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,300 We're looking for a Mrs. Feldman. 294 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,200 -Do you know her? -Yes. 295 00:23:05,100 --> 00:23:07,800 Excuse me, ma'am. Do you know a Mrs. Lois-- 296 00:23:07,900 --> 00:23:10,700 -Where can we find Lois Feldman, please? -There. 297 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:12,700 Thank you. 298 00:23:19,100 --> 00:23:20,400 Mrs. Feldman? 299 00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:22,200 MRS. FELDMAN: Who's there? TACKLEBERRY: Police. 300 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,200 MRS. FELDMAN: Is it about those damn library books? 301 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:30,600 We're following up on your alleged interest in the Citizens On Patrol program. 302 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:34,200 MRS. FELDMAN: Then I'm Mrs. Feldman. Come on in. 303 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,300 Callahan, cover your rear. 304 00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:47,100 [Patriotic song playing] 305 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,500 I admire your taste. 306 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:55,500 Yes, well, I do all my own decorating. 307 00:23:56,700 --> 00:23:58,500 TACKLEBERRY: You have a talent for it, ma'am. 308 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,700 I'll be with you in a moment, Sarge. 309 00:24:01,100 --> 00:24:04,200 Perhaps you'd like to discuss the program first, ma'am. 310 00:24:04,300 --> 00:24:05,800 What's to discuss? 311 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:09,300 Think I want to hang out here and listen to arteries hardening? 312 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,700 Where did I put that bulletproof vest? 313 00:24:12,900 --> 00:24:16,400 [Grand instrumental music] 314 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:28,500 All right, fall in! Come on, please, line up. 315 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,900 Come on, I need a lineup here. 316 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,100 Hello, ma'am. Ladies and gentlemen-- 317 00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:34,700 [Whistling loudly] 318 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:40,600 -Thank you, Miss.... -Mrs. Feldman. 319 00:24:40,700 --> 00:24:41,900 Mrs. Feldman. 320 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,800 I want to welcome all of you to the Academy. 321 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:08,500 You are part of a new and exciting program that I call... 322 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,000 -C.O.P. -C.O.P. 323 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,100 -Citizens On Patrol. -Citizens On Patrol. 324 00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:19,200 -Citizens On Patrol! -Citizens On Patrol! 325 00:25:20,500 --> 00:25:23,000 You will work and train with the police. 326 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,600 The police will work and train with you. 327 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:29,300 Working and training, training and working. 328 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,100 Excuse me, Commandant. 329 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:34,500 But do you expect the community to do the job of the police force? 330 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:38,600 There are many, many jobs for many, many people. 331 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,200 Sir, I'll take care of this. 332 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,300 Excuse me, young lady, what the Commandant means... 333 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:47,100 is that this program will promote understanding... 334 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:48,800 between the community and the police... 335 00:25:48,900 --> 00:25:52,200 and make the community more active in crime prevention. 336 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:56,200 CLAIRE: Active in crime prevention? Won't that be dangerous? 337 00:25:56,300 --> 00:25:59,400 LASSARD: No. We just want to teach citizens... 338 00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:01,700 to prevent crimes from taking place. 339 00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:05,900 CLAIRE: It sounds fine in theory. Let's hope it works in practice. 340 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,700 I like him. He's a really nice fish. 341 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,100 He looks a little like you. 342 00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:20,300 I will attend an international police seminar in London. 343 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:23,800 It would be the crowning achievement of my career... 344 00:26:24,300 --> 00:26:26,100 if I could close this seminar... 345 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,300 by bringing instructors from all around the world... 346 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:33,600 here to watch the C.O.P. program in action. 347 00:26:34,500 --> 00:26:38,800 I'm counting on all of you to make that possible. 348 00:26:38,900 --> 00:26:41,100 In Comdt. Lassard's absence... 349 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:44,700 I've appointed a very able-bodied and experienced officer... 350 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:46,200 to run the Academy. 351 00:26:47,300 --> 00:26:49,700 Perfect timing. Here he is now. 352 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:53,200 LASSARD: Attention! 353 00:27:00,300 --> 00:27:01,800 [All laughing] 354 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,500 Two weeks of Harris? Damn! 355 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:14,300 Damn. 356 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,000 Deodorant? Thanks. 357 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:25,300 Straighten this mess up. 358 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:26,900 -What mess? -Now! 359 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,500 I want all of you dirtbags and that group of C.O.P. people... 360 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,300 out in front of this dormitory at 1400 hours. 361 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,500 Move it! 362 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,700 Sir, we were just commenting on how you'd mellowed. 363 00:27:41,100 --> 00:27:44,000 -Captain? -What is it, Mahoney? 364 00:27:44,100 --> 00:27:46,400 I hope you're gonna give this program a fair chance. 365 00:27:46,500 --> 00:27:50,700 This program, Mahoney, is just like you: a bad idea. 366 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:52,400 That's your opinion, sir. 367 00:27:52,500 --> 00:27:55,500 But this is Comdt. Lassard's idea, and his Academy. 368 00:27:57,700 --> 00:27:59,700 Things can change, Mahoney. 369 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,000 Yes, things can change. 370 00:28:03,300 --> 00:28:05,200 I'll see you out front. 371 00:28:12,700 --> 00:28:14,200 [Harris yelping] 372 00:28:20,900 --> 00:28:22,800 I bet that was refreshing, sir. 373 00:28:25,300 --> 00:28:27,100 Over the next two weeks... 374 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:30,500 you'll go through a modified training program. 375 00:28:30,700 --> 00:28:34,000 You'll learn many, many keys to crime prevention. 376 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:38,600 Keys you can teach many, many others in your community. 377 00:28:38,700 --> 00:28:42,600 Modified? Modified nothing. I want the works. 378 00:28:42,700 --> 00:28:44,400 WOMAN: Yeah. HARRIS: Madam... 379 00:28:44,500 --> 00:28:47,500 I think it's time for a dose of reality. 380 00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,300 You can forget Lassard's hype. 381 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:55,300 You people do not belong here. 382 00:28:56,300 --> 00:28:59,300 Especially you and you. 383 00:29:03,300 --> 00:29:07,100 Community action groups mean one thing, and one thing only. 384 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:09,400 [Bubble gum popping] 385 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:11,900 I hope that wasn't gum. 386 00:29:15,300 --> 00:29:17,200 You heard the Captain. Is it? 387 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:21,900 It's definitely gum, sir. Bubble gum. Cherry, I think. 388 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,100 HARRIS: Thank you, Proctor. PROCTOR: You're welcome, sir. 389 00:29:27,900 --> 00:29:31,600 These groups only mean citizens getting in the way of the police. 390 00:29:31,700 --> 00:29:34,000 Now, I don't get involved in your business... 391 00:29:34,100 --> 00:29:36,900 and I don't want you involved in my-- 392 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:38,200 [Mrs. Feldman laughing loudly] 393 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,000 Now, if you were smart... 394 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,700 you would go home and forget this stupid idea.... 395 00:29:48,100 --> 00:29:50,300 Are those wedding bells I hear, sir? 396 00:29:54,700 --> 00:29:58,600 -Whose damn mutt is this? -It's my damn mutt. 397 00:29:59,900 --> 00:30:02,500 I want him out of here! 398 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,700 -But, sir-- -Out! 399 00:30:07,900 --> 00:30:11,700 I am not getting rid of Clarence. He's my pet. 400 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:15,500 Why should you? After all, Harris has Proctor. 401 00:30:16,100 --> 00:30:17,500 I'll take him. 402 00:30:17,900 --> 00:30:20,100 I have a big house, nice yard. 403 00:30:20,900 --> 00:30:23,500 See, he likes me. We'll get along fine. 404 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,700 Me, too? I'm housebroken. 405 00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:29,400 TACKLEBERRY: Come on, C.O.Ps, let's step up to the white line! 406 00:30:29,500 --> 00:30:32,800 Let's line ourselves up with a slot, then let's listen to Mr. Jones. 407 00:30:32,900 --> 00:30:34,800 Thank you, Sgt. Tackleberry. 408 00:30:36,500 --> 00:30:39,600 This is a standard police issue.38. 409 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,900 Examine this weapon carefully. 410 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,100 You must be sure this weapon is not loaded. 411 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:48,400 You will be responsible for the loading and unloading of this weapon yourself. 412 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,500 Now, Sgt. Tackleberry. 413 00:30:53,300 --> 00:30:55,700 You want to become one with the gun. 414 00:30:57,700 --> 00:31:01,400 Feel the gun, caress the gun... 415 00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:06,500 until it's a living, breathing, vibrating... 416 00:31:06,700 --> 00:31:09,800 extension of yourself. 417 00:31:09,900 --> 00:31:11,500 I look for the same in a woman. 418 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:13,500 This sucker's not loaded. 419 00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:15,600 You won't be using live ammo. 420 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:20,500 Tack, how about letting me squeeze off a few rounds of that baby? 421 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:22,000 Tack? 422 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:24,600 Affirmative, Mrs. F. 423 00:31:26,700 --> 00:31:29,700 Now, be careful because a.44 magnum has quite a... 424 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:33,200 kick. 425 00:31:33,500 --> 00:31:35,100 Damn, that was fun! 426 00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:41,500 CALLAHAN: Rescuing the drowning victim. 427 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,500 Now, when approaching a potentially dangerous... 428 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:46,800 and out-of-control victim, use this stroke only. 429 00:31:46,900 --> 00:31:48,600 Arms out of the way for protection. 430 00:31:48,700 --> 00:31:52,400 Now, when you get the victim in control, you slip your arm across his chest... 431 00:31:52,500 --> 00:31:53,900 under his opposite arm. 432 00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:56,400 Rest his head and his neck against your shoulder. 433 00:31:56,500 --> 00:31:59,900 Kick with your feet. Now, your victim could be struggling. 434 00:32:00,300 --> 00:32:03,300 Struggle, House. Good, House.... 435 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:04,600 House! 436 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,000 [Comical instrumental music] 437 00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:15,400 ZED: Really swift! I'll get him! 438 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:23,600 [Underwater voice distortion] Arnie, get out of the pool! You just ate! 439 00:32:39,900 --> 00:32:41,500 Get him out of here! 440 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:46,600 Thanks, pal. 441 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:51,500 Now we have an opportunity to start our water safety lesson. 442 00:32:54,300 --> 00:32:56,300 I will play the drowning victim. 443 00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:58,500 [Sexy instrumental music] 444 00:33:10,700 --> 00:33:12,700 Now, who's going to save me? 445 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:14,400 KYLE: Yeah! HOUSE: Yeah! 446 00:33:30,700 --> 00:33:33,200 [Romantic instrumental music] 447 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,500 That was mighty brave. I admire that. 448 00:33:48,100 --> 00:33:49,500 That was nothing. 449 00:33:50,300 --> 00:33:53,800 You don't have a hair dryer, or perhaps some mousse? 450 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:58,100 No. Your hair looks nice. It's very stylish. 451 00:33:58,500 --> 00:34:00,400 Moi? Stylish? 452 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:04,300 I think I'd better be going. 453 00:34:04,500 --> 00:34:05,900 Mickey! 454 00:34:07,700 --> 00:34:09,800 He's dead! He killed him! 455 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:14,000 -I'm sure the Academy will pay for it. -What about the sentimental value? 456 00:34:14,100 --> 00:34:16,000 This is a family heirloom here. 457 00:34:16,100 --> 00:34:19,500 This is the last thing I ever stole before joining the Academy. 458 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:23,300 What the hell is this? Cadets in heat? 459 00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:25,100 No. We were just, like, talking. 460 00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:27,800 Just, like, talk somewhere else. 461 00:34:28,100 --> 00:34:31,000 This is not a spawning pool. I want discipline. 462 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:33,400 Do I make myself clear, Zed? 463 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:35,300 Discipline! 464 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:38,400 -Jerk. -What? 465 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,000 He said bye. 466 00:34:43,100 --> 00:34:46,300 No. I said jerk. I think it was pretty clear. 467 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:48,100 -I said, "Jerk." -Jerk. 468 00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:51,400 [Singing badly] 469 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:26,000 Cadets, I'd now like to discuss with you... 470 00:35:26,100 --> 00:35:28,300 something that will be vital for you to know... 471 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,900 when you're, like, out there on the job as a police officer. 472 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,800 And that's the correct way to eat a doughnut. 473 00:35:35,500 --> 00:35:37,700 ZED: A doughnut-- PROCTOR: Attention! 474 00:35:39,500 --> 00:35:40,900 Capt. Harris. 475 00:35:45,100 --> 00:35:47,600 [Comical instrumental music] 476 00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:53,200 From this moment on, anyone who misplaces their canister of Mace... 477 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,300 will be reprimanded and fined. 478 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:57,600 HARRIS: Is that clear? ALL: Yes, sir! 479 00:36:06,300 --> 00:36:07,300 Bye. 480 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,300 As Citizens On Patrol... 481 00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:15,800 endurance and longevity should be very important to you. 482 00:36:16,500 --> 00:36:19,900 Aerobic activity will keep you in shape... 483 00:36:20,700 --> 00:36:22,500 and keep that heart rate up. 484 00:36:22,900 --> 00:36:25,700 Music, however, makes it a little less painful. 485 00:36:26,100 --> 00:36:28,100 Hooks, cassette. 486 00:36:28,300 --> 00:36:31,500 I have confidence that Sgt. Hooks has chosen the appropriate music. 487 00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:33,000 JONES: No cassette. 488 00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:34,500 Let's go. 489 00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:35,700 [Imitating a cassette rewinding] 490 00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:37,800 [Imitating a dance beat] 491 00:36:38,700 --> 00:36:41,100 Nice selection, Hooks. All right. 492 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:44,300 Slow walk. Slow start. 493 00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:47,400 Keep your arms moving. That's good. 494 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:49,900 Into a nice slow jog. Okay! 495 00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:53,700 Arms moving. Keep breathing. Don't forget to breathe. 496 00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:57,400 Tuck his tummy, Hooks. Attagirl. Let's go. 497 00:36:57,500 --> 00:36:59,100 [House imitating a drum beat] 498 00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:05,800 [Sweetchuck screaming] 499 00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:15,000 Now, this whistle can be very valuable... 500 00:37:15,100 --> 00:37:17,500 when walking through a bad neighborhood. 501 00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:20,400 If your purse gets snatched, blow this whistle... 502 00:37:20,700 --> 00:37:23,900 to alert your neighbors and the police so they can help. 503 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,600 Now, Mrs. Feldman, would you play the victim? 504 00:37:26,700 --> 00:37:30,700 -Yes. -Okay, and I'll be Mr. Purse Snatcher. 505 00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:33,500 -Okay. -Go. 506 00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,000 Any questions? 507 00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:52,900 [Rhythmic instrumental music] 508 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:12,100 [Imitating bad dubbing] Now, practice. 509 00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:19,600 [Sweetchuck grunting] 510 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:27,500 You had him for, like, a minute. He was scared. He was, like, flinching. 511 00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,100 His face went.... 512 00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:32,800 [Grand instrumental music] 513 00:38:48,300 --> 00:38:50,100 [Zed yelping in pain] 514 00:38:51,900 --> 00:38:53,600 [Sweetchuck screaming] 515 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:00,700 Sorry. 516 00:39:02,100 --> 00:39:05,600 Citizens On Patrol. What a joke. 517 00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:09,300 -You know what C.O.P. really stands for? -No, sir. What? 518 00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:12,600 -Collection Of Pissants. That's not funny. -No, sir. 519 00:39:12,700 --> 00:39:17,000 This citizen-action crap is a disaster, a bad idea, and I'm going to prove it. 520 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:18,200 Yes, sir. 521 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:24,700 HOOKS: Excuse me, everyone. 522 00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:26,100 I mean, not everyone. 523 00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:29,500 HARRIS: Attention! Excuse me. Move it! 524 00:39:30,100 --> 00:39:33,100 HOOKS: Everybody, come over here! HARRIS: Hooks. 525 00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:37,600 Stop embarrassing the Police Department and join your civilian buddies. 526 00:39:37,700 --> 00:39:40,800 May I have your attention, please? Hooks, the tank! 527 00:39:42,100 --> 00:39:44,800 HOOKS: I'm so sorry. HARRIS: You dimwit! 528 00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:52,100 Today, Hooks, today. 529 00:39:58,700 --> 00:40:02,500 Now, take your little munchkin voice and go away. 530 00:40:06,900 --> 00:40:08,200 Listen up! 531 00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:13,000 This is the proper procedure for administering oxygen. 532 00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:17,900 You place the mask securely about the face of the patient... 533 00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,300 and then have them breathe deeply. 534 00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:28,100 [In a squeaky voice] That's the way it's done in Capt. Harris' precinct. 535 00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:32,200 What the hell? Hooks! 536 00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:41,600 So you gentlemen think you're on a vacation? 537 00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:45,200 You're no better than anyone else, so let's go, let's get to work. 538 00:40:45,300 --> 00:40:47,200 Come on, dudes, chill out. 539 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:51,000 You dudes are setting a bad example. 540 00:40:51,700 --> 00:40:55,300 Can't hear you, bro. Can't you see I'm getting my beauty sleep? 541 00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:56,700 I'm sorry. 542 00:40:57,400 --> 00:40:58,500 [Yelling] Move it! 543 00:41:02,500 --> 00:41:04,100 You sure told them. 544 00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:08,700 Did you ever think about maybe getting some contact lenses... 545 00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:10,900 or something, like, you know? 546 00:41:11,900 --> 00:41:13,400 You'd look good in them. 547 00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:17,700 Proctor, this is an alley. 548 00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:20,400 I know, sir, but these are the directions Mahoney gave me. 549 00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:21,400 -Mahoney? -Yes, sir. 550 00:41:21,500 --> 00:41:23,900 He says this restaurant has the best salad bar in town. 551 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:25,900 HARRIS: It damn sure better have. 552 00:41:28,300 --> 00:41:30,300 ['80s dance music playing] 553 00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:40,300 -Proctor. -Yes, sir? 554 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,500 I don't see a salad bar. 555 00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:46,100 Look, maybe they serve seafood. 556 00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:49,500 That's not funny, you idiot. 557 00:41:52,100 --> 00:41:54,700 What are you looking at, you peckerhead? 558 00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:58,100 PATRON: Nice uniform. Makes me wish I'd worn my sailor outfit. 559 00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:03,300 I'm getting out of here. Move it! 560 00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:06,300 [Tango music playing] 561 00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:07,900 Proctor! 562 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,100 I don't think cutting in is allowed, sir. 563 00:42:12,300 --> 00:42:13,700 Nice collar. 564 00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:18,300 ['80s pop music] 565 00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:30,200 JONES [Into mic]: Here we go. Mahoney weaving his way through... 566 00:42:30,300 --> 00:42:32,300 looking pretty good. Gets past the main defense. 567 00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:34,000 And, under the leg! 568 00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:36,600 Nice shot! 569 00:42:36,700 --> 00:42:39,200 That man is a hot dog. The crowd's gone wild! 570 00:42:39,900 --> 00:42:43,400 The ball's brought in. Here we go. We have the play going. 571 00:42:43,700 --> 00:42:45,100 Throws to Zed. 572 00:42:45,900 --> 00:42:47,800 A little bit of a steal there. 573 00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,900 Mahoney throws a pass to Hightower. 574 00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:56,500 And then Hightower he.... The Doctor of Dunk scores! 575 00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:00,900 You killed it. Really swift! 576 00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:04,400 Some community action. 577 00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:08,500 Ladies and gentlemen, it's Lt. Proctor, a ghetto favorite! 578 00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:12,200 Thank you very much. 579 00:43:12,300 --> 00:43:13,300 [Jones imitating feedback] 580 00:43:13,900 --> 00:43:15,300 I'm honored to be-- 581 00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:16,400 [Continues imitating feedback] 582 00:43:19,700 --> 00:43:23,200 You know, Capt. Harris isn't gonna like this... 583 00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:25,400 goofing off. 584 00:43:25,500 --> 00:43:29,000 MAHONEY: This is community relations. PROCTOR: No, Mahoney. 585 00:43:29,100 --> 00:43:32,400 I'm an expert in goofing off, and this is goofing off. 586 00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:35,700 And I'm gonna have to tell him. 587 00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:39,500 -I have an urge to break him in half. -Why fight it? 588 00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:44,100 No, Hightower. Take it easy, big guy. The creep's not worth it. 589 00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:54,900 PROCTOR: You through in there? MAN: Sure, go ahead. 590 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:56,100 PROCTOR: Thanks. 591 00:43:59,500 --> 00:44:02,000 [Comical instrumental music] 592 00:44:09,100 --> 00:44:10,300 MAHONEY: Excuse me, Silvio? 593 00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:13,500 I wonder if you can help me. I need some help over here. 594 00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:15,500 MAHONEY: Right there. SILVIO: No problem. 595 00:44:17,300 --> 00:44:19,800 [Comical instrumental music continues] 596 00:44:42,500 --> 00:44:45,200 Hold your horses, I'll be out in a minute! 597 00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:48,900 Okay, like, bring it in. 598 00:44:49,900 --> 00:44:51,800 Just, like, bring it in a hair. 599 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:54,800 Watch out for the plane! 600 00:44:54,900 --> 00:44:56,300 Oh, the humanity! 601 00:44:57,000 --> 00:45:00,100 Okay, that's perfect. No, that's fine. 602 00:45:01,300 --> 00:45:03,600 -Metro police. -Special assignment. 603 00:45:45,700 --> 00:45:47,500 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen... 604 00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,200 please rise for our national anthem. 605 00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:53,900 [Band playing U.S. national anthem] 606 00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:09,100 -Read that part about me again, Arnie. -What part? 607 00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:11,900 You know, the part about the dynamic leader of the C.O.P. 608 00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:14,500 Get real! That's me they're talking about. 609 00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:16,700 [Imitating the door creaking] 610 00:46:18,800 --> 00:46:22,200 [Dracula voice] Good evening, gentlemen. I congratulate you on a good day. 611 00:46:22,300 --> 00:46:23,600 Sleep well. 612 00:46:23,700 --> 00:46:24,900 [Laughing like Count Dracula] 613 00:46:25,300 --> 00:46:28,100 Count, getting worried we're gonna be taking over soon? 614 00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:29,500 We're ready. 615 00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:33,100 You're improving, guys. But you're still way down in the food chain. 616 00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:36,100 As we vampires say, "Lights out, suckers." 617 00:46:36,700 --> 00:46:38,400 [Howling like a wolf] 618 00:46:40,700 --> 00:46:42,600 This C.O.P. bit is a breeze. 619 00:46:42,700 --> 00:46:44,700 -We are ready. -I concur. 620 00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:47,400 I think we're ready to bust some truly major criminals. 621 00:46:47,500 --> 00:46:49,900 KYLE: Maybe we should go out and find some.... 622 00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:55,100 ARNIE: Maybe we should be vigilantes. KYLE: Yeah, that's it. Vigilantes. 623 00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:58,000 [Bugle signaling lights out] 624 00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:08,900 Wake up, men! We need you. Now! 625 00:47:09,300 --> 00:47:11,800 Come on. 626 00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:16,100 KYLE: What's up? Where're we going? ARNIE: Why're we here? What's happening? 627 00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:19,100 You're here because you're ready. You said you were ready. 628 00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:21,400 ARNIE: One thing I-- JONES: You're ready, now. 629 00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:27,600 [Grand instrumental music] 630 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:36,300 HOUSE: Could you be more specific concerning our current mission? 631 00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:40,000 -We're apprehending two known felons. -I'll be going home now. 632 00:47:41,300 --> 00:47:43,800 [Suspenseful instrumental music] 633 00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:05,700 -Where are the rest? -What rest? We're it. 634 00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:09,700 -We'll flush them out of the building. -You stay behind, cut them off in the alley. 635 00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:10,800 Stay. 636 00:48:11,300 --> 00:48:13,600 What about guns and shit, man? 637 00:48:13,700 --> 00:48:16,100 Guns? No, you won't be needing them. 638 00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,600 We're pretty sure they're not armed. 639 00:48:19,700 --> 00:48:22,100 [Suspenseful music continues] 640 00:48:46,300 --> 00:48:49,900 They can handle this without us. We'll just get in the way, you know. 641 00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:51,400 Good thinking. 642 00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:53,700 [Jones imitating a gun firing] 643 00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:55,300 [Boys screaming] 644 00:48:57,400 --> 00:48:59,800 [Imitating a man screaming] 645 00:49:04,300 --> 00:49:05,900 We got them, men! 646 00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:10,900 [Scary instrumental music] 647 00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:16,100 MAHONEY: It's all right, men. Come on over. 648 00:49:19,300 --> 00:49:23,000 All right, you three will be riding in the back with Badula... 649 00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:26,400 and his late brother. 650 00:49:32,300 --> 00:49:34,300 JONES: You guys keep him subdued. 651 00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:40,900 Let's go. 652 00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:54,200 [Badula singing nonsensical words] 653 00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:07,200 Don't let his voodoo mumbo jumbo scare you. 654 00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:09,700 [Continues singing nonsensical words] 655 00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:21,000 Fools. To think they can kill the brother of Badula. 656 00:50:21,100 --> 00:50:22,800 I never thought that. 657 00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:28,400 That I could reach into the belly of a yak and rip out his heart. 658 00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:31,300 That would bring him back to life? 659 00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:33,700 No, man. I'm hungry. 660 00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:42,300 Listen, we're going for some burgers and fries. We'll be right back. 661 00:50:55,300 --> 00:50:56,800 [Laughing maniacally] 662 00:51:18,500 --> 00:51:20,100 [Dead brother yelling] 663 00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:22,100 Out of my way! 664 00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:25,900 [Comical instrumental music] 665 00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:33,300 I guess they weren't as ready as they thought they were. 666 00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:35,700 You can take the mask off now, Tack. 667 00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:41,600 ['80s rock music playing] 668 00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:48,100 -Proctor. -Yes, sir? 669 00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:51,800 -Who are all these people? -They're here for the party, sir. 670 00:51:52,300 --> 00:51:53,600 What party? 671 00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:57,900 A few of the Citizens On Patrol members invited a few of their friends... 672 00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:01,600 and they invited a few of their friends. You know how it goes, sir. 673 00:52:01,700 --> 00:52:03,300 -A party? -Yes, sir. 674 00:52:03,900 --> 00:52:07,100 A party? Why wasn't I told? 675 00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:13,800 MAHONEY: Hey, Callahan. Hey, Hooks. 676 00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:16,700 MAHONEY [Mic]: Attention, everyone! 677 00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:19,700 Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention? 678 00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:22,100 I'd like to thank you all for coming! 679 00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:23,800 Let's party! 680 00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:35,300 -Move those patooties. -Excuse me. 681 00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:38,000 All police officers out of the pool! 682 00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:41,000 Let's go! Out, everybody out! 683 00:52:41,100 --> 00:52:44,000 Sir, why don't you just let everyone enjoy themselves? 684 00:52:44,100 --> 00:52:47,400 Why don't you just kiss my rosy red ass, Mahoney? 685 00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:50,700 Rosy? 686 00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:53,000 HARRIS [Mic]: Get out of that pool now! 687 00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:57,700 Just look at yourself. 688 00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:04,000 You are a disgrace to the uniform! Go get changed. Move it. 689 00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:16,500 -What are we looking for? -This. 690 00:53:20,300 --> 00:53:22,500 -Why, Capt. Harris. -Miss Mattson. 691 00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:24,000 CLAIRE: Hello. HARRIS: How are you? 692 00:53:24,100 --> 00:53:25,900 Have you seen Clarence? 693 00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:29,100 HARRIS: Don't you let that fleabag near me. 694 00:53:29,200 --> 00:53:33,700 CLAIRE: Clarence is crazy about you, Captain. Let me just call him over. 695 00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:35,200 HARRIS: No. CLAIRE: For a second? 696 00:53:35,300 --> 00:53:37,900 HARRIS: No. CLAIRE: Okay. Bye. 697 00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:48,300 HARRIS: Wipe those grins off your faces, buttbreaths! Dismissed! 698 00:53:56,300 --> 00:54:00,700 NURSE: Dr. Berman, please pick up line two. Dr. Berman, line two, please. 699 00:54:01,300 --> 00:54:03,700 -You shouldn't be in here. -How is Capt. Harris? 700 00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:07,100 -We'll do all we can. -Please, be gentle. 701 00:54:10,600 --> 00:54:12,100 [Harris screaming] 702 00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:19,100 [Tranquil instrumental music] 703 00:54:23,700 --> 00:54:26,300 I heard what Harris said, and he's wrong. 704 00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:30,900 It happens to me all the time. People just don't understand me. 705 00:54:32,500 --> 00:54:35,700 Maybe if you talked a little slower, a little softer.... 706 00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:39,700 That's not what I meant. I meant people don't know who I really am. 707 00:54:40,500 --> 00:54:43,200 Now I got to worry about my diction, too? 708 00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:46,500 -How's my sentence structure? -Perfect. 709 00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:52,000 In fact, I think you're just about perfect. 710 00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:54,000 [Romantic instrumental music] 711 00:55:00,700 --> 00:55:01,900 [Zed yelping] 712 00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:06,300 ['80s pop love song] 713 00:56:02,500 --> 00:56:04,600 ZED: I think I'm going to puke. 714 00:56:11,100 --> 00:56:13,600 Hi, sir. How are you feeling? 715 00:56:14,400 --> 00:56:17,000 HARRIS [Mumbling]: I have to wait for the glue to wear off. 716 00:56:18,900 --> 00:56:20,500 I didn't catch that. 717 00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:23,200 Was that, "the dim shoot to snare off"? 718 00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:28,300 I said I have to wait for the damn glue to wear off. 719 00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:38,700 So I asked her, "Do you always work under podiums?" 720 00:56:46,100 --> 00:56:47,300 Commandant? 721 00:56:48,200 --> 00:56:52,600 Why, Chief Hurst, this is a splendid, splendid surprise! 722 00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:56,300 You remember Nogata? He's part of our Japanese contingent. 723 00:56:56,400 --> 00:56:58,100 This is Chief Hurst. 724 00:56:58,500 --> 00:57:02,700 We have heard many, many wonderful things about you and your city. 725 00:57:04,300 --> 00:57:06,700 I've been helping them with their English. 726 00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:09,100 -Please, sit. Please. -Thank you. 727 00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:15,200 I hope you'll find the time to see our beautiful city firsthand. 728 00:57:16,000 --> 00:57:19,000 In fact, I've just flown here personally... 729 00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:21,200 to extend the Mayor's invitation... 730 00:57:21,600 --> 00:57:23,000 to see my.... 731 00:57:23,700 --> 00:57:28,200 To see Comdt. Lassard's community program in action. 732 00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:31,500 We are convinced that this program will serve... 733 00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:34,800 as a model for cities around the world. 734 00:57:39,900 --> 00:57:42,800 We would be honored to accept your invitation. 735 00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:45,200 -Wonderful. -Please, come. 736 00:57:48,100 --> 00:57:50,200 GERMAN MAN: Auf Wiedersehen. ITALIAN MAN: Arrivederci. 737 00:57:53,300 --> 00:57:54,500 FRENCH MAN: Bonsoir. 738 00:57:58,000 --> 00:58:01,200 I see you've been teaching them something other than English. 739 00:58:01,300 --> 00:58:02,800 I do what I can. 740 00:58:02,900 --> 00:58:06,200 -So my program is really, really working? -Hell, yes. 741 00:58:06,900 --> 00:58:11,500 Starting tomorrow, C.O.Ps will be working the streets. 742 00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:29,500 C.O.P. emergency. Feldman here. 743 00:58:29,600 --> 00:58:32,500 Meet me at the corner of Clark and Main Street at the warehouse. 744 00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:34,000 TACKLEBERRY: 10-4, Mrs. F. 745 00:58:34,200 --> 00:58:37,600 [Tense instrumental music] 746 00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:47,900 -$40, we're agreed? -Okay, $40. 747 00:58:48,700 --> 00:58:51,500 Snap off a few shots for evidence. 748 00:58:53,300 --> 00:58:54,800 Get closer. 749 00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:02,000 I saw this on Hill Street Blues. It's a fencing operation. 750 00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:05,400 You're gonna love these. We just unloaded a van full of them. 751 00:59:05,500 --> 00:59:07,000 Okay, bring in the rest of it. 752 00:59:07,100 --> 00:59:08,400 Next case. 753 00:59:14,000 --> 00:59:17,400 Nice camera. Don't let that crook give you less than $80. 754 00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:24,700 Freeze, you scuzzbuckets! 755 00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:27,800 This is a citizen's arrest. Get them, boys! 756 00:59:41,300 --> 00:59:44,000 You're not moving till the cops get here. 757 00:59:45,300 --> 00:59:47,300 I am the cops, lady. 758 00:59:48,800 --> 00:59:52,700 Three months' work out the window, down the drain. 759 00:59:53,300 --> 00:59:56,000 Your Citizens On Patrol just screwed up... 760 00:59:56,100 --> 01:00:00,000 the single biggest undercover police sting operation... 761 01:00:00,100 --> 01:00:02,100 in the history of this city! 762 01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:06,300 Tell them the good news, sir. 763 01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:09,100 -Thank you, Proctor. -You're welcome, sir. 764 01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:14,500 As of now, the C.O.P. program is suspended... 765 01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:17,300 pending a full investigation. 766 01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:20,200 [Slow instrumental music] 767 01:00:22,200 --> 01:00:23,800 MAHONEY: Attention! 768 01:00:34,500 --> 01:00:38,200 Mahoney, I'm so, so proud of the job you've done. 769 01:00:38,500 --> 01:00:39,900 HURST: Nice work, men. 770 01:00:40,000 --> 01:00:42,900 The eyes of the world are on this program. 771 01:00:43,100 --> 01:00:46,100 Excuse me, sir. I think we should talk. 772 01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:52,300 HARRIS: This precinct must deal with every type of criminal... 773 01:00:52,400 --> 01:00:55,900 from pickpockets to armed robbers, felons of all kinds-- 774 01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:59,800 Capt. Harris. Excuse me. Don't forget the gang of ninjas. 775 01:01:03,200 --> 01:01:05,300 They're my personal favorites. 776 01:01:06,700 --> 01:01:09,100 Why don't you go pay them a visit? 777 01:01:12,500 --> 01:01:16,500 This precinct is run on discipline and organization. 778 01:01:16,600 --> 01:01:19,700 ZACK: Simon says, "Pull your left ear." 779 01:01:21,100 --> 01:01:25,000 Simon says, "Hop on your left foot. " Come on, guys. 780 01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:30,500 Simon says, "Hop on your right foot. " 781 01:01:31,400 --> 01:01:33,800 It's a little too noisy in here, gentlemen. 782 01:01:33,900 --> 01:01:35,800 We have important police officials visiting... 783 01:01:35,900 --> 01:01:38,400 and I think you'd better show the proper respect. 784 01:01:38,500 --> 01:01:40,400 Come on, Lieutenant. We're almost finished. 785 01:01:40,500 --> 01:01:43,500 Come on, Lieutenant, join us in a friendly game of Simon Says. 786 01:01:43,600 --> 01:01:48,000 There's nothing to it. Now, Simon says, "Touch your toes." 787 01:01:48,500 --> 01:01:52,300 Come on, Lieutenant. Simon says, "Clap your hands." 788 01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:55,800 Come on, get in the spirit. 789 01:01:57,700 --> 01:02:00,200 Simon says, "Two steps right." 790 01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:05,100 Simon says, "Five steps back." 791 01:02:08,700 --> 01:02:10,300 Put your hands up! 792 01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:12,800 Simon didn't say. 793 01:02:12,800 --> 01:02:14,900 No, but Smith & Wesson does. 794 01:02:16,100 --> 01:02:19,400 The high-security cell area is used to hold criminals... 795 01:02:19,500 --> 01:02:23,300 awaiting trial or transfer to state or county facility. 796 01:02:23,800 --> 01:02:25,900 Any convictions involving felons... 797 01:02:26,600 --> 01:02:30,900 perverts, thieves, people of that nature, are held in this area. 798 01:02:31,200 --> 01:02:35,700 -You will notice the steel construction. -What the hell is he doing in there? 799 01:02:39,200 --> 01:02:41,400 I think that explains it, sir. 800 01:02:43,400 --> 01:02:45,100 [Dramatic instrumental music] 801 01:02:46,800 --> 01:02:48,400 ZACK: Come on, hurry up! 802 01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:09,900 It's getting to the point now when I'm with you 803 01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:13,700 I no longer want to have something stuck in my eye 804 01:03:13,800 --> 01:03:17,700 Your mother, my mother ain't never looked like Florence Henderson 805 01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:24,600 I wrote that for you. 806 01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:30,700 I hope now that C.O.P. is over... 807 01:03:30,800 --> 01:03:33,500 it won't mean that we won't be seeing each other anymore. 808 01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:37,100 Shut up! Not you. I meant the ducks. 809 01:03:37,400 --> 01:03:39,200 Attention. This is Mrs. F. 810 01:03:39,300 --> 01:03:42,400 MRS. FELDMAN: There's been a jailbreak. ZED: Zed, 10-4! 811 01:03:43,400 --> 01:03:45,900 Tack, you pick me up at Main and Maple. 812 01:03:46,300 --> 01:03:48,300 Move it! Over and out. 813 01:03:49,300 --> 01:03:50,600 Commandant! 814 01:03:56,400 --> 01:03:59,000 -There's been a jailbreak, sir. -Get in. 815 01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:05,600 [Tires screeching] 816 01:04:08,200 --> 01:04:12,300 -It is so wonderful to see you again, baby. -It's wonderful to be seen. 817 01:04:12,600 --> 01:04:17,100 -Just like old times. -ln America, talk is cheap. 818 01:04:21,300 --> 01:04:23,400 There's been a jailbreak! 819 01:04:28,600 --> 01:04:32,200 TACKLEBERRY: Look, there's a stolen police car. That's got to be it. 820 01:04:32,600 --> 01:04:35,100 I think we got a robbery in progress. 821 01:04:43,700 --> 01:04:45,700 [Tense instrumental music] 822 01:04:46,600 --> 01:04:48,500 Stay here, Mrs. Feldman. 823 01:04:55,800 --> 01:04:59,000 TACKLEBERRY: Freeze! ROBBER: Good idea. 824 01:05:06,000 --> 01:05:09,300 All right, I want everybody to get back in that vault. 825 01:05:16,100 --> 01:05:17,600 Book them, Tack. 826 01:05:24,800 --> 01:05:26,200 CALLAHAN: A ninja! NOGATA: I see him. 827 01:05:26,300 --> 01:05:28,600 CALLAHAN: Come on, let's get him. Let's go. 828 01:05:32,700 --> 01:05:34,700 [Suspenseful instrumental music] 829 01:05:46,500 --> 01:05:48,000 CALLAHAN: Do you see him? 830 01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:50,500 [Ninjas yelling] 831 01:05:50,600 --> 01:05:53,100 [Dramatic instrumental music] 832 01:05:54,700 --> 01:05:55,800 NINJA: Shit. 833 01:06:00,600 --> 01:06:03,900 [Imitating bad dubbing] Okay. If it's a fight you want, a fight you'll get. 834 01:06:31,400 --> 01:06:33,800 Damn you. You're gonna pay for that. 835 01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:52,700 [Dramatic instrumental music continues] 836 01:07:12,800 --> 01:07:16,300 [Proctor singing sad song] 837 01:07:21,400 --> 01:07:22,900 Shut up! 838 01:07:23,400 --> 01:07:25,800 Will you two morons, knock it off! 839 01:07:25,900 --> 01:07:28,700 We've got an international incident going on here! 840 01:07:29,400 --> 01:07:30,900 [Imitating a horn] 841 01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:34,300 -I knew you'd come. -Ja, danke. 842 01:07:34,500 --> 01:07:37,800 -You may thank Mrs. Feldman. -Who is Mrs. Feldman? 843 01:07:37,900 --> 01:07:41,100 LASSARD: You know Mrs. Feldman, a member of the defunct C.O.P. team. 844 01:07:47,900 --> 01:07:50,600 This is Sgt. Mahoney in pursuit of a stolen police car. 845 01:07:50,600 --> 01:07:52,700 [On radio] I'm going to the Williams County air show. 846 01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:56,800 Repeat, I'm pursing four escapees toward the Williams County air show. 847 01:07:57,400 --> 01:07:59,500 ANNOUNCER: Now, making his second appearance... 848 01:07:59,600 --> 01:08:02,800 at the Williams County air show.... 849 01:08:02,900 --> 01:08:05,300 [Adventurous instrumental music] 850 01:08:12,500 --> 01:08:14,700 ROBBER 1: Look out for that car! ROBBER 2: What car? 851 01:08:15,900 --> 01:08:18,200 That car! Come on, get out! 852 01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:21,200 Come on! 853 01:08:22,500 --> 01:08:24,200 Let's get out of here! 854 01:08:26,100 --> 01:08:27,400 Hurry up! 855 01:08:31,000 --> 01:08:33,500 [Police siren blaring] 856 01:08:37,700 --> 01:08:41,200 [Tense instrumental music] 857 01:09:14,900 --> 01:09:18,300 This is where I draw the line. I'm not going up in one of those things. 858 01:09:18,400 --> 01:09:21,300 MAHONEY: No way. No, sirree. CLAIRE: You don't have to. 859 01:09:26,700 --> 01:09:30,200 [Adventurous instrumental music] 860 01:09:44,000 --> 01:09:45,900 You can open your eyes now. 861 01:09:46,400 --> 01:09:49,000 How can you like this better than my driving? 862 01:09:49,100 --> 01:09:52,300 Because you can't do this in a car. 863 01:10:09,800 --> 01:10:11,200 HARRIS: Grab that balloon! 864 01:10:12,400 --> 01:10:14,700 PROCTOR: We take this balloon in the name of the law! 865 01:10:14,800 --> 01:10:18,400 WOMAN: No, wait, you can't! MAN: You can't. We need it for the race. 866 01:10:28,800 --> 01:10:33,200 Mrs. Feldman, stay with the car. Zed, Sweetchuck, follow me. 867 01:10:35,600 --> 01:10:38,400 MRS. FELDMAN: Guys, wait up! Tackleberry. 868 01:10:39,600 --> 01:10:41,300 PROCTOR: What do I pull? HARRIS: Take it up! 869 01:10:41,400 --> 01:10:44,700 HARRIS: They're getting away! Let's go! PROCTOR: We are going up, sir. 870 01:10:51,100 --> 01:10:54,400 ZED: Come on! Drop the parachute! 871 01:10:55,200 --> 01:10:56,700 Stop screwing around! 872 01:10:57,600 --> 01:11:00,700 ZED: Come on! Drop the parachute! TACKLEBERRY: Come on! 873 01:11:00,800 --> 01:11:03,400 ZED: If he doesn't want to do it, don't push him. 874 01:11:03,500 --> 01:11:05,700 He's gotta, like, wanna help himself. 875 01:11:08,600 --> 01:11:12,100 [Adventurous music continues] 876 01:11:12,600 --> 01:11:14,800 HARRIS: You land that balloon right now! 877 01:11:15,100 --> 01:11:18,400 This is Capt. Harris! You are under arrest! 878 01:11:18,500 --> 01:11:21,100 Land that balloon now! 879 01:11:23,500 --> 01:11:27,000 -I'll just blast them out of the sky, sir. -No! Not yet. 880 01:11:27,600 --> 01:11:30,800 You're right. I should give them a warning shot first. 881 01:11:32,000 --> 01:11:34,000 [Air escaping from balloon] 882 01:11:35,900 --> 01:11:38,900 HARRIS: lmbecile! Are you happy now? 883 01:11:39,400 --> 01:11:41,900 PROCTOR: It looks like we're coming down in the river. 884 01:11:42,000 --> 01:11:45,500 HARRIS: It won't matter because you're going to be dead! 885 01:11:45,600 --> 01:11:46,700 PROCTOR: Pretty view-- 886 01:11:51,200 --> 01:11:53,600 HARRIS: I hate water! 887 01:11:57,600 --> 01:11:58,700 Help! 888 01:12:03,000 --> 01:12:06,300 BUTTERWORTH: They're in the river. HOUSE: Hurry. Maybe we can catch them. 889 01:12:09,800 --> 01:12:12,200 CLAIRE: I'll pull alongside Tackleberry. 890 01:12:17,200 --> 01:12:19,500 ZED: Look, I see my house! 891 01:12:20,200 --> 01:12:21,700 CLAIRE: Look, the crooks! 892 01:12:23,900 --> 01:12:25,800 Let's go get them, okay? 893 01:12:38,700 --> 01:12:40,100 PROCTOR: Hang on, sir! 894 01:12:44,300 --> 01:12:45,800 BUTTERWORTH: Hurry, before they go over! 895 01:12:45,900 --> 01:12:47,400 There they go! 896 01:12:50,500 --> 01:12:51,800 Get a rope! 897 01:12:52,900 --> 01:12:54,700 PROCTOR: Hang on. Hang on, sir! 898 01:12:57,200 --> 01:12:59,400 Hang on, we'll come and get you! 899 01:13:06,600 --> 01:13:07,700 HOUSE: Grab it! 900 01:13:08,000 --> 01:13:11,500 [Suspenseful instrumental music] 901 01:13:28,100 --> 01:13:29,500 Try to relax! 902 01:13:41,600 --> 01:13:44,600 TACKLEBERRY: There's the balloon! Now I've got them. 903 01:13:55,600 --> 01:13:59,900 There's only one way to do this and it's up to me! 904 01:14:01,100 --> 01:14:04,700 -Take over! -He was talking to you! 905 01:14:05,500 --> 01:14:08,100 If you're coming back, bring some beer! 906 01:14:16,300 --> 01:14:19,800 -No. He was talking to you. -No, I heard him. 907 01:14:19,900 --> 01:14:24,200 -He said, "Sweetchuck, take over." -No, he did not. 908 01:14:27,300 --> 01:14:30,500 SWEETCHUCK: Get off of my foot! ZED: Shut up! Why're you always whining? 909 01:14:30,600 --> 01:14:32,300 SWEETCHUCK: Leave me alone! 910 01:14:33,400 --> 01:14:36,800 [Sweeping instrumental music] 911 01:15:01,500 --> 01:15:05,100 Gentlemen, may I see your license and registration, please? 912 01:15:06,000 --> 01:15:10,700 There they are. Take it down. I want to get close. Get closer. 913 01:15:14,900 --> 01:15:17,900 Mahoney, what are you doing? 914 01:15:18,300 --> 01:15:19,700 Get in closer! 915 01:15:26,800 --> 01:15:30,300 [Tense instrumental music] 916 01:15:32,400 --> 01:15:34,500 ROBBER 1: What do you think you're doing? 917 01:15:39,000 --> 01:15:41,100 I'll take care of you, copper! 918 01:15:42,200 --> 01:15:44,800 Get off my wing! Get off of there! 919 01:15:44,900 --> 01:15:46,900 MAHONEY: What will you do about them? 920 01:15:53,800 --> 01:15:57,000 Pal, it's over. Let's go home. 921 01:15:59,800 --> 01:16:03,100 SWEETCHUCK: I hate you. ZED: I'm not really thrilled about you! 922 01:16:03,700 --> 01:16:07,500 SWEETCHUCK: Lose some weight! ZED: Why don't you get out and walk? 923 01:16:10,400 --> 01:16:13,400 ZED: I'm going to be sick! SWEETCHUCK: I don't have a parachute! 924 01:16:13,600 --> 01:16:17,400 ZED: Shut up! I'm going to be sick! SWEETCHUCK: Don't be sick on me! 925 01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:30,500 SWEETCHUCK: I don't have a chute! ZED: Break your fall! 926 01:16:30,600 --> 01:16:33,700 ZED: Hit the kids! SWEETCHUCK: No, I need a chute! 927 01:16:34,000 --> 01:16:35,800 ZED: Get your own! Get away from me! 928 01:16:35,900 --> 01:16:37,500 Come on! 929 01:16:38,500 --> 01:16:39,600 Let go! 930 01:16:40,200 --> 01:16:42,500 I'll break you in half, you dweeb. 931 01:16:42,600 --> 01:16:46,000 There, I opened the chute. Are you satisfied? Leave me alone! 932 01:16:46,600 --> 01:16:50,100 [Sweeping instrumental music] 933 01:16:51,800 --> 01:16:55,100 SWEETCHUCK: I'm going to kill you! ZED: Shut up and enjoy the flight! 934 01:17:05,000 --> 01:17:06,400 SWEETCHUCK: Get off me! 935 01:17:12,600 --> 01:17:15,800 Commandant, they say your Citizens On Patrol group... 936 01:17:15,900 --> 01:17:19,900 does many, many wonderful and crazy things. 937 01:17:28,200 --> 01:17:31,800 I think Sgt. Mahoney deserves a special bow. 938 01:17:32,200 --> 01:17:33,900 LASSARD: Mahoney? WOMAN: All right! 939 01:17:34,800 --> 01:17:36,600 LASSARD: Mahoney? MAN: Way to go! 940 01:17:39,000 --> 01:17:40,800 [Grand instrumental music] 941 01:17:46,200 --> 01:17:47,700 Get up! Look, it's Mahoney! 942 01:17:47,800 --> 01:17:49,600 -Where? -Sorry. 943 01:17:54,300 --> 01:17:56,500 -To the Academy. -To the Academy. 944 01:18:03,200 --> 01:18:06,200 You know, you look a little like Tom Cruise in Top Gun. 945 01:18:06,300 --> 01:18:08,000 -Yeah? -No! 946 01:18:16,800 --> 01:18:20,300 ['80s rap music playing]