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WINTER LIGHT

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Our Lord, Jesus Christ,
on the night He was betrayed,

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took bread, gave thanks, broke it,

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and gave it unto His disciples, saying:

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Take and eat. This is my Body
which is given up for you.

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Do this in remembrance of me.

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Likewise he took the cup,
gave thanks,

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and gave it to them, saying,
Drink ye all of it.

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For this is my blood
of the new testament

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which is shed for many
for the remission of sin.

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Do this, as oft as ye drink it,
in remembrance of me.

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Let us now pray together,
even as our Lord Jesus hath taught us.

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Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name.

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<i>Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.</i>

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<i>Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses,</i>

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<i>as we forgive those
who trespass against us.</i>

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<i>And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.</i>

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<i>For Thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory forever.</i>

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Amen.

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The peace of God be with you.

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<i>O Lamb of God</i>

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<i>That takest away
the sins of the world</i>

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<i>Give us salvation, O merciful Lord</i>

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<i>O Lamb of God</i>

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<i>That takest away
the sins of the world</i>

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<i>Hear our prayers, O merciful Lord</i>

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<i>O Lamb of God</i>

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<i>That takest away</i>

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<i>The sins of the world</i>

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<i>Grant us peace</i>

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<i>And bless our day</i>

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Look straight ahead
and fold your hands.

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The body of our Lord Jesus Christ,
which was given for you.

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The body of our Lord Jesus Christ.

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The blood of Christ, shed for thee.

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The blood of Christ, shed for thee.

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The grace and peace of our Lord
jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.

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Go in the peace of the Lord.

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Thanks.

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Let us pray.

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We thank thee, Almighty Father,
who, through Thy Son Jesus Christ,

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hast instituted this holy communion
to our consolation and bliss.

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We pray thee: Give us grace
so to commemorateJesus on earth

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that we may be partakers
in Thy great communion in heaven.

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Give thanks and praise
unto the Lord.

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<i>Praise and thanks be unto the Lord</i>

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<i>Hallelujah</i>

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Humble your hearts before God
and receive His blessing.

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The Lord bless you
and preserve you.

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The Lord let the light
of His countenance shine upon you,

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and be gracious unto you.

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The Lord turn His face toward you

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and grant you peace.

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In the name of the Father, the Son,

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and the Holy Ghost.

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Amen.

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<i>Yet, dear Lord
I bow down in prayer</i>

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<i>Take my hand firmly into Thine</i>

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<i>Lead me then, my dearest savior</i>

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<i>Take me to the land divine</i>

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<i>And where earthly woes are ended</i>

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<i>And my course is finally run</i>

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<i>Thou wilt take my spirit with Thee</i>

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<i>To share eternity
in that house of Thine</i>

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Time to go home.

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- You don't look so good.
- I just need some rest.

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Can't Reverend Broms
take the service at Frostnäs?

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No, he's taking
the new car out for a spin.

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- I bet you have the flu.
- My throat's pretty sore.

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Tomas.

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How did it turn out?
- What?

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- Did you find a housekeeper?
- No.

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You won't be able to manage
on your own in the long run.

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I've managed for five years now.

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Why don't you ask Märta Lundberg?

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She's dying to help you out.

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I'd be glad to ask her.

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No, thank you.

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- Hello, Pastor Ericsson.
- Hello, Mr. Froevik.

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- Hi there, Aronsson.
- Hi, Algot.

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How are you?
Thanks for the sermon.

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Can we help you with something?

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No, I thought I might be of service.

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Well, there was one thing.

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I need to talk to you, Pastor.

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I'll be at Frostnäs at three.

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And you'll have time to see me?

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Of course, after the service.

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I'll be at the church an hour
beforehand to turn the heat up.

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Will we be using the same hymns?

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You don't look well.

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I've come down with a cold.

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I bet it's the weather.
I always... -

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Right.

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He has his disability pension
from the railway company

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and a pittance for his services
from the church council, I suppose.

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You have a visitor.

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Mrs. Persson
would like to have a word.

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I've got to talk to you, Pastor.

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Yes, of course.

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I'll call you this evening
in case you need a hand.

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Thanks, but that's not necessary.

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Please have a seat.

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Good-bye, Mr. And Mrs. Persson.

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You wished to speak to me?

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Yes.

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Actually, that's not the whole truth.

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Actually, Jonas is the one... -

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But he won't talk about it,

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so this morning I decided we should
come to church and see someone.

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You see, we're feeling so lost.

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Well, not me so much,

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butJonas is at his wit's end.

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Could you talk to him, please?

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Of course.

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How long have you felt troubled?

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It started last spring.
Jonas read about China in the papers.

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The article said the Chinese people
were brought up to hate...

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and that it's only a matter of time
before China has atom bombs.

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They have nothing to lose.
That's what they wrote.

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It doesn't worry me all that much.

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Maybe I'm just short on imagination.

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ButJonas can't stop thinking about it,
and so we discuss it constantly,

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though I can't help him much.

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Not with three kids
and one on the way.

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Right.

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Everyone feels this dread...

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to some extent.

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We must trust God.

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We live our simple daily lives,

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and atrocities shatter
the security of our world.

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It's so overwhelming,
and God seems so very remote.

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That's right.

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I feel so helpless.

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I don't know what to say.

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I understand your anguish...

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but life must go on.

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Why do we have to go on living?

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The pastor's not feeling well.
I shouldn't be bothering you with this.

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Besides, we're powerless to do anything.
- Let's discuss it.

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That's impossible.

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Take me home and then come back.

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You and the pastor
need to talk in private.

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When can you be back?

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- We live 10 minutes away.
- I'll see you in 20 minutes.

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Promise the pastor you'll be here.

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All right, I promise.

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Is your car in the parking lot?

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Yes, off in the corner.

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I'll be expecting you
within half an hour.

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I'll make sure he comes.

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I'll be waiting for you.

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I'll be waiting right here.

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What a ridiculous image.

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Oh, it's you.

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Here's something nice and hot.

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Oh, I brought coffee with me.

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I'm expecting a visitor any minute.

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Don't worry. I won't stay long.

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It's getting pretty cold out.

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Poor Tomas.

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What is it, Tomas?
- It wouldn't matter to you.

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Tell me anyway.

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God's silence.

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God's silence?

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God's silence.

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Jonas Persson and his wife were here,
and I could only spout drivel.

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Yet I had the feeling that each word
was decisive somehow.

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What am I to do?

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Poor little Tomas.

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You should be in bed with a brandy.
You're running quite a temperature.

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Why did you take communion?

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It's a love feast, isn't it?

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Did you read my letter?

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No. I haven't had the time.

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You're hopeless.

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When did it arrive?
- Yesterday. It's on my desk... -

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Read it later, when you feel like it.

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Another Sunday in the vale of tears.

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I don't feel very well.

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- Want me to feel sorry for you?
- Yes, please.

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Then you'll have to marry me.

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Oh?

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You should marry me.

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Why?

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Then I wouldn't have
to leave this place.

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Why would you have to leave?

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As long as I'm a substitute,
I can be transferred.

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Far away from you.

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We'll see what happens.

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Yes, I know.

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You can't marry me
because you don't love me.

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I've got to go.

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Aunt Emma is here
and she plans to bake a cake.

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Märta.

196
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Yes, Tomas.

197
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What if Mr. Persson doesn't return?

198
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Then you can get some rest...
and read my letter.

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You don't understand.

200
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Here's the coffee.

201
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Now what?

202
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Poor Tomas. I really mean it.

203
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I'm not being very nice to you.
- You don't say.

204
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You're impossible sometimes.

205
00:24:52,905 --> 00:24:56,204
"God's silence.
God won't speak."

206
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God has never spoken
because God doesn't exist.

207
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It's as simple as that.

208
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Now you'll get the flu.

209
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That's fine,
seeing as it's a gift from you.

210
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Would you like me to stay?
- No, that won't be necessary.

211
00:25:17,930 --> 00:25:20,057
You have a lot to learn.

212
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Says the schoolmarm.

213
00:25:23,135 --> 00:25:25,000
You must learn to love.

214
00:25:25,304 --> 00:25:27,135
And you can teach me that?

215
00:25:30,877 --> 00:25:32,500
I can't.

216
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That's not in my power.

217
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He has to show up.

218
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My love.

219
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"We find it difficult
to talk to each other.

220
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We're both rather shy,

221
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and I tend to retreat into sarcasm."

222
00:28:41,133 --> 00:28:42,828
That's why I'm writing.

223
00:28:43,769 --> 00:28:46,795
I have something important to say.

224
00:28:49,842 --> 00:28:51,867
Do you remember last summer,

225
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when that awful rash
broke out on my hands?

226
00:28:56,682 --> 00:29:00,618
One evening we were in church
arranging flowers on the altar,

227
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preparing for a confirmation.

228
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Do you recall
what bad shape I was in?

229
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My hands all bandaged,
and itching so much I couldn't sleep?

230
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The skin had flaked off,
and my palms were like open sores.

231
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We busied ourselves with daisies
and cornflowers, or whatever they were,

232
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and I was feeling irritable.

233
00:29:27,346 --> 00:29:30,873
Suddenly I got mad at you
and challenged you angrily,

234
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asking if you actually believed
in the power of prayer.

235
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You replied that you did.

236
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In a nasty tone I asked if you
had prayed for my hands,

237
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but it hadn't occurred
to you to do so.

238
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I melodramatically demanded
that you do it then and there.

239
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Oddly enough, you agreed.

240
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Your compliance enraged me,
and I tore off the bandages.

241
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You remember the rest.

242
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The sight of those open sores
affected you greatly.

243
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You couldn't pray.

244
00:30:13,259 --> 00:30:15,250
The entire situation disgusted you.

245
00:30:20,380 --> 00:30:21,864
I came to understand you later,

246
00:30:23,202 --> 00:30:25,693
but you never understood me.

247
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We had lived together
for some time at that point.

248
00:30:33,179 --> 00:30:34,840
Almost two years...

249
00:30:37,249 --> 00:30:40,548
which at least represented some capital
in the face of our emotional poverty.

250
00:30:41,187 --> 00:30:42,916
Our caresses...

251
00:30:44,323 --> 00:30:48,089
and our clumsy attempts
to evade the lack of love between us.

252
00:30:53,599 --> 00:30:59,060
When the rash spread
to my forehead and scalp...

253
00:31:00,973 --> 00:31:03,737
I soon noticed
how you avoided me.

254
00:31:04,777 --> 00:31:06,745
You found me repugnant...

255
00:31:08,870 --> 00:31:12,130
though you tried
to spare my feelings.

256
00:31:14,854 --> 00:31:17,652
Then the rash spread
to my hands and feet.

257
00:31:19,859 --> 00:31:22,054
And our relationship ended.

258
00:31:25,710 --> 00:31:27,661
That came as a shock to me.

259
00:31:29,500 --> 00:31:31,596
I had to face the fact...

260
00:31:34,006 --> 00:31:36,133
that we didn't love each other.

261
00:31:36,942 --> 00:31:41,709
There was no way to hide from that fact
or turn a blind eye to it.

262
00:31:50,022 --> 00:31:51,284
Tomas...

263
00:31:53,650 --> 00:31:55,655
I have never believed in your faith.

264
00:31:58,297 --> 00:32:03,530
Mainly because I've never been
tortured by religious tribulations.

265
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,997
My non-Christian family
was characterized by warmth,

266
00:32:08,107 --> 00:32:09,904
togetherness and joy.

267
00:32:10,743 --> 00:32:15,112
God and Jesus
existed only as vague notions.

268
00:32:16,749 --> 00:32:22,220
To me your faith seems
obscure and neurotic,

269
00:32:22,721 --> 00:32:26,020
somehow cruelly overwrought
with emotion, primitive.

270
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:31,791
One thing in particular
I've never been able to fathom:

271
00:32:33,132 --> 00:32:37,398
Your peculiar indifference
toJesus Christ.

272
00:32:44,743 --> 00:32:48,509
And now I'm going to tell you
about answered prayers.

273
00:32:49,248 --> 00:32:51,239
Laugh if you feel like it.

274
00:32:52,518 --> 00:32:55,248
Personally, I don't believe
the two are connected.

275
00:32:55,754 --> 00:32:57,745
Life is messy enough

276
00:32:58,223 --> 00:33:00,817
without taking the supernatural
into account.

277
00:33:08,390 --> 00:33:10,958
You were going to pray
for my weeping hands,

278
00:33:10,959 --> 00:33:13,396
but the rash left you
dumbstruck with repulsion,

279
00:33:13,973 --> 00:33:15,964
something you later denied.

280
00:33:17,810 --> 00:33:20,973
I went berserk
and tried to provoke you.

281
00:33:22,181 --> 00:33:23,978
Be quiet!

282
00:33:25,317 --> 00:33:28,718
Since you can't pray for me,
I'll do it myself!

283
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:38,920
God, why have you created me
so eternally dissatisfied?

284
00:33:39,031 --> 00:33:41,192
So frightened, so bitter?

285
00:33:42,167 --> 00:33:44,658
Why must I realize
how wretched I am?

286
00:33:45,304 --> 00:33:48,762
Why must I suffer
so hellishly for my insignificance?

287
00:33:51,643 --> 00:33:54,810
If there is a purpose
to my suffering, then tell me,

288
00:33:54,813 --> 00:33:57,213
so I can bear my pain
without complaint.

289
00:33:58,217 --> 00:33:59,741
I'm strong.

290
00:34:00,319 --> 00:34:04,619
You made me so very strong
in both body and soul...

291
00:34:06,358 --> 00:34:09,384
but you never give me
a task worthy of my strength.

292
00:34:14,050 --> 00:34:16,300
Give my life meaning,

293
00:34:16,301 --> 00:34:18,633
and I'll be your obedient slave.

294
00:34:19,972 --> 00:34:23,032
This autumn I realized
that my prayers had been answered.

295
00:34:24,977 --> 00:34:27,571
I prayed for clarity of mind,
and I got it.

296
00:34:29,048 --> 00:34:31,107
I realized that I love you.

297
00:34:33,318 --> 00:34:35,684
I prayed for a task
to apply my strength to,

298
00:34:36,188 --> 00:34:37,849
and I received one.

299
00:34:38,390 --> 00:34:40,153
That task is you.

300
00:34:44,163 --> 00:34:47,792
This is what the thoughts
of a schoolmarm might run to

301
00:34:47,900 --> 00:34:51,097
when the phone refuses to ring,
when it's dark and lonely.

302
00:34:59,278 --> 00:35:03,009
What I lack entirely
is the capacity to show you my love.

303
00:35:03,515 --> 00:35:05,506
I haven't a clue how to do that.

304
00:35:06,885 --> 00:35:10,912
I've been so miserable,
I've even considered praying some more.

305
00:35:12,291 --> 00:35:16,022
But I still have a shred
of self-respect left in spite of it all.

306
00:35:22,835 --> 00:35:24,632
My dearest Tomas...

307
00:35:27,372 --> 00:35:30,390
this turned out to be a long letter.

308
00:35:33,011 --> 00:35:35,673
But now I've put down in writing
what I never dared say

309
00:35:36,315 --> 00:35:38,215
when you were in my arms.

310
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:43,840
I love you.

311
00:35:45,624 --> 00:35:47,251
And I live for you.

312
00:35:48,894 --> 00:35:50,885
Take me and use me.

313
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:56,332
Beneath all my false pride
and independent airs,

314
00:35:56,969 --> 00:35:58,527
I have only one wish:

315
00:36:00,272 --> 00:36:02,240
To be allowed to live
for someone else.

316
00:36:03,942 --> 00:36:05,807
It's so terribly difficult.

317
00:36:12,317 --> 00:36:13,875
When I think about it,

318
00:36:13,986 --> 00:36:16,600
I can't see
how I will be able to pull it off.

319
00:36:17,389 --> 00:36:19,016
Maybe it's all just a mistake.

320
00:36:21,994 --> 00:36:26,192
Tell me I'm not wrong, darling.

321
00:37:14,012 --> 00:37:17,778
I'm so glad you came.
It's been a long wait.

322
00:37:18,383 --> 00:37:19,850
I'm sorry I'm late.

323
00:37:19,952 --> 00:37:22,284
I didn't mean it as a reproach.

324
00:37:23,121 --> 00:37:27,251
Please, take your coat off.
I've got some nice hot coffee.

325
00:37:27,359 --> 00:37:28,758
No, thank you.

326
00:37:37,636 --> 00:37:40,230
I don't expect you spend
much time at sea this time of year?

327
00:37:40,939 --> 00:37:43,965
We just take
short fishing trips, that's all.

328
00:37:44,643 --> 00:37:46,235
Plenty to do ashore?

329
00:37:46,345 --> 00:37:51,078
Yes, I'm building a new boat
over at Toernstroem's yard.

330
00:37:51,183 --> 00:37:53,083
An excellent establishment.

331
00:37:53,185 --> 00:37:55,519
I had my own boat built there,

332
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:57,283
at Toernstroem's yard.

333
00:38:00,292 --> 00:38:02,283
Do you have money worries?

334
00:38:03,662 --> 00:38:06,597
Forgive me for asking, but things
like that can drive a man to despair.

335
00:38:06,698 --> 00:38:09,098
That's true.

336
00:38:12,771 --> 00:38:15,672
How long have you considered
taking your own life?

337
00:38:16,708 --> 00:38:18,539
I'm not sure.

338
00:38:20,112 --> 00:38:21,545
A long time.

339
00:38:22,914 --> 00:38:24,882
Have you spoken to a doctor?

340
00:38:25,117 --> 00:38:27,381
I mean, are you in good health?

341
00:38:28,260 --> 00:38:29,260
As far as I know.

342
00:38:29,755 --> 00:38:32,019
It's not unusual to... -

343
00:38:36,061 --> 00:38:38,655
Do you get along with your wife?

344
00:38:38,764 --> 00:38:42,222
Karin's all right. She's all right.

345
00:38:44,803 --> 00:38:47,033
So it all boils down
to this business about China.

346
00:38:53,378 --> 00:38:55,141
Listen, Jonas.

347
00:38:55,247 --> 00:38:57,078
I'm going to be frank with you.

348
00:38:59,551 --> 00:39:01,712
You know my wife died
four years ago.

349
00:39:03,620 --> 00:39:05,117
I loved her.

350
00:39:06,650 --> 00:39:08,052
My life was over.

351
00:39:08,894 --> 00:39:10,691
I'm not afraid to die,

352
00:39:10,829 --> 00:39:13,970
and there was no reason
for me to hang on.

353
00:39:14,733 --> 00:39:15,893
But I did.

354
00:39:17,903 --> 00:39:22,380
Not for my own sake,
but to be of some use.

355
00:39:25,210 --> 00:39:26,802
I had great dreams once.

356
00:39:27,860 --> 00:39:29,607
I was going to make
my mark on the world.

357
00:39:30,515 --> 00:39:32,540
The sort of ideas you have
when you're young.

358
00:39:33,785 --> 00:39:36,015
I knew nothing of evil or cruelty.

359
00:39:36,610 --> 00:39:39,015
When I was ordained,
I was as innocent as a baby.

360
00:39:42,330 --> 00:39:44,621
Then everything happened at once.

361
00:39:46,064 --> 00:39:48,555
I was a seaman's pastor in Lisbon,

362
00:39:49,501 --> 00:39:51,628
during the Spanish Civil War.

363
00:39:52,170 --> 00:39:53,865
I refused to see what was going on.

364
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:57,133
I refused to accept reality.

365
00:39:58,830 --> 00:40:02,760
My God and I resided in an organized
world where everything made sense.

366
00:40:13,592 --> 00:40:15,593
You see,

367
00:40:15,594 --> 00:40:17,962
I'm no good as a clergyman.

368
00:40:17,963 --> 00:40:21,626
I put my faith in an improbable
and private image of a fatherly god.

369
00:40:21,733 --> 00:40:23,667
One who loved mankind, of course,

370
00:40:23,769 --> 00:40:25,327
but me most of all.

371
00:40:29,274 --> 00:40:32,209
Do you see, Jonas,
what a monstrous mistake I made?

372
00:40:33,879 --> 00:40:38,111
An ignorant, spoiled and anxious
wretch makes a rotten clergyman.

373
00:40:40,685 --> 00:40:44,955
Picture my prayers to an echo-god,

374
00:40:44,956 --> 00:40:47,550
who gave benign answers
and reassuring blessings.

375
00:40:49,194 --> 00:40:52,595
Every time I confronted God
with the realities I witnessed,

376
00:40:53,965 --> 00:40:56,763
he turned into something
ugly and revolting.

377
00:40:57,636 --> 00:41:00,196
A spider God, a monster.

378
00:41:03,208 --> 00:41:05,802
So I sought to shield Him from life,

379
00:41:06,545 --> 00:41:08,877
clutching my image of Him
to myself in the dark.

380
00:41:11,149 --> 00:41:13,379
The only person
I showed my god to was my wife.

381
00:41:14,986 --> 00:41:18,820
She supported me,
encouraged me and helped me.

382
00:41:20,659 --> 00:41:22,286
Patched up the holes.

383
00:41:24,029 --> 00:41:25,189
Our dreams.

384
00:41:26,398 --> 00:41:27,831
I'd better be going.

385
00:41:29,568 --> 00:41:30,933
No, don't go.

386
00:41:31,036 --> 00:41:33,561
I want you to understand
why I talk so much about myself.

387
00:41:33,839 --> 00:41:38,606
So you realize what a wretch I am,
what a poor beggar... -

388
00:41:38,710 --> 00:41:42,146
I must be going,
or Karin will be worried.

389
00:41:43,210 --> 00:41:44,490
Please stay a little bit longer.

390
00:41:48,186 --> 00:41:50,279
Let's have a nice, calm discussion.

391
00:41:53,959 --> 00:41:56,894
Forgive me for talking
in such a confused manner,

392
00:41:57,729 --> 00:42:00,254
but all this suddenly hit me.

393
00:42:08,974 --> 00:42:12,375
If there is no God,

394
00:42:13,712 --> 00:42:15,771
would it really make any difference?

395
00:42:19,284 --> 00:42:21,275
Life would become understandable.

396
00:42:21,987 --> 00:42:24,170
What a relief.

397
00:42:26,300 --> 00:42:28,140
And thus death would be
a snuffing out of life.

398
00:42:28,660 --> 00:42:30,917
The dissolution of body and soul.

399
00:42:32,731 --> 00:42:35,791
Cruelty, loneliness and fear... -

400
00:42:38,090 --> 00:42:40,800
all these things would be
straightforward and transparent.

401
00:42:41,740 --> 00:42:44,732
Suffering is incomprehensible,
so it needs no explanation.

402
00:42:49,714 --> 00:42:51,830
There is no creator.

403
00:42:54,352 --> 00:42:55,944
No sustainer of life.

404
00:42:59,357 --> 00:43:00,915
No design.

405
00:43:45,203 --> 00:43:46,568
God...

406
00:43:48,907 --> 00:43:50,875
why have you forsaken me?

407
00:45:18,129 --> 00:45:19,756
Now I'm free.

408
00:45:21,399 --> 00:45:22,889
Free at last.

409
00:45:37,248 --> 00:45:40,240
I had this fleeting hope

410
00:45:41,019 --> 00:45:46,630
that everything wouldn't turn out
to be illusions, dreams and lies.

411
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:17,112
I have to get ready.

412
00:46:18,256 --> 00:46:20,281
The service at Frostnäs
starts at 3:00.

413
00:46:20,558 --> 00:46:22,321
I'm coming with you.

414
00:46:22,594 --> 00:46:23,686
No.

415
00:46:28,900 --> 00:46:34,020
I saw your car, Pastor,
so I came over.

416
00:46:34,973 --> 00:46:37,840
Fredriksson's boys found him.

417
00:46:39,244 --> 00:46:41,109
Just down the hill.

418
00:46:42,947 --> 00:46:44,938
It's Jonas Persson.

419
00:46:45,617 --> 00:46:49,144
He shot himself
in the head with his rifle.

420
00:46:50,555 --> 00:46:53,956
The police superintendent
is at the scene.

421
00:46:54,058 --> 00:46:56,640
The boys reported it immediately.

422
00:46:56,995 --> 00:47:01,523
I met them on my way here.
They were terrified.

423
00:49:05,630 --> 00:49:10,884
Could you please guard the body
until the van arrives?

424
00:49:11,896 --> 00:49:13,386
Good-bye. Please call me.

425
00:52:36,601 --> 00:52:38,000
Good-bye, Tomas.

426
00:52:38,102 --> 00:52:40,900
Maybe we'll talk this week.
- Do you have any aspirin?

427
00:52:41,005 --> 00:52:43,607
- Sure, and cough syrup, too.
- That might be good.

428
00:52:43,608 --> 00:52:44,939
Come in.

429
00:52:45,042 --> 00:52:47,010
But isn't your aunt visiting?

430
00:52:47,311 --> 00:52:50,747
Wait in the schoolroom, then.
I'll just be a minute.

431
00:53:48,639 --> 00:53:50,129
- Hello.
- Good day.

432
00:53:50,241 --> 00:53:52,903
Whose boy are you?
- The Strands'.

433
00:53:53,010 --> 00:53:54,910
- How old are you?
- Ten.

434
00:53:55,346 --> 00:53:58,873
- What brings you here on a Sunday?
- I left something in my desk.

435
00:53:59,750 --> 00:54:02,048
- What's the dog's name?
- Jim.

436
00:54:06,390 --> 00:54:07,550
Is he yours?

437
00:54:07,658 --> 00:54:08,784
No.

438
00:54:10,294 --> 00:54:13,058
He must be your big brother's,
the one who'll be confirmed this year.

439
00:54:13,164 --> 00:54:14,597
Yes.

440
00:54:15,366 --> 00:54:16,890
Will you go
to confirmation class too?

441
00:54:17,001 --> 00:54:18,400
No.

442
00:54:19,770 --> 00:54:21,067
Why not?

443
00:54:22,106 --> 00:54:23,232
I don't know.

444
00:54:24,642 --> 00:54:26,735
Does your brother find it boring?

445
00:54:26,844 --> 00:54:28,600
I don't know.

446
00:54:30,848 --> 00:54:32,338
Well, good-bye, then.

447
00:54:33,551 --> 00:54:34,813
Good-bye.

448
00:54:38,256 --> 00:54:41,123
Hello, Johan.
What brings you here?

449
00:54:41,225 --> 00:54:43,600
I left something in my desk.

450
00:54:43,861 --> 00:54:45,590
How's your brother Pelle?

451
00:54:45,696 --> 00:54:49,097
He's much better.
He got out of bed Friday.

452
00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:51,862
He'll be back in school
by the middle of next week.

453
00:54:51,969 --> 00:54:53,869
Good. Give my love to your folks.

454
00:54:54,105 --> 00:54:55,663
Good-bye.

455
00:55:10,721 --> 00:55:13,986
Careful, that's hot.
It's really for gargling with.

456
00:55:14,692 --> 00:55:17,923
You dissolve
these tablets in hot water.

457
00:55:18,529 --> 00:55:21,089
Auntie gave them to me.
She swears by them.

458
00:55:21,599 --> 00:55:22,896
No, thank you.

459
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:27,330
My aunt often suffers from sore throats
and these really help.

460
00:55:32,877 --> 00:55:36,973
Suit yourself.
Here's the aspirin.

461
00:55:38,015 --> 00:55:41,910
Would you like some cold water?
- That won't be necessary.

462
00:55:46,891 --> 00:55:48,791
You sound so unfriendly.

463
00:55:51,028 --> 00:55:52,393
Sometimes... -

464
00:55:54,598 --> 00:55:58,830
Sometimes you sound...
as if you hated me.

465
00:56:06,277 --> 00:56:11,044
Take the whole box if you like.
Auntie arrived well-stocked.

466
00:56:17,254 --> 00:56:19,779
Can't I come to Frostnäs with you?

467
00:56:20,825 --> 00:56:22,884
I'm going to the Persson's place.

468
00:56:22,993 --> 00:56:24,585
I can wait in the car.

469
00:56:25,129 --> 00:56:27,597
I thought your aunt baked a cake.

470
00:56:30,740 --> 00:56:32,368
I need some time on my own.

471
00:56:43,180 --> 00:56:44,704
Are you trying to get rid of me?

472
00:56:44,815 --> 00:56:47,375
Don't do this right now.

473
00:56:48,250 --> 00:56:49,146
I don't have the strength.

474
00:56:49,253 --> 00:56:51,380
Why do you want to get rid of me?

475
00:56:52,723 --> 00:56:56,181
My dear little Tomas,
you're getting old.

476
00:56:56,761 --> 00:57:00,527
You're dissatisfied with life,
but most of all with yourself.

477
00:57:01,031 --> 00:57:04,762
And here I am throwing myself
in your arms, clouding the issue.

478
00:57:13,244 --> 00:57:15,804
Or am I forcing it?
- You be the judge.

479
00:57:16,614 --> 00:57:20,141
You have your dreams,
and I pay no attention to them.

480
00:57:20,384 --> 00:57:22,579
At times I even despise them.

481
00:57:22,853 --> 00:57:24,616
I should have been kinder.

482
00:57:26,090 --> 00:57:28,854
- Those are just trivialities.
- No, they're not.

483
00:57:28,959 --> 00:57:30,859
You've been unlucky.

484
00:57:31,228 --> 00:57:34,720
I'm so very bossy.
Don't bother contradicting me.

485
00:57:34,832 --> 00:57:37,096
Could you just listen to me?

486
00:57:37,368 --> 00:57:39,563
Sorry, I'm doing all the talking.

487
00:57:44,008 --> 00:57:47,200
I feel humiliated by the gossip.

488
00:57:52,917 --> 00:57:55,818
No one used to pay
much attention to the pastor.

489
00:57:57,154 --> 00:58:00,146
He was simply a fixture,

490
00:58:01,125 --> 00:58:03,559
though no one knew exactly
what he was good for.

491
00:58:04,895 --> 00:58:07,193
Then the rumors began
about you and me.

492
00:58:07,298 --> 00:58:09,858
All that tittle-tattle.

493
00:58:10,968 --> 00:58:12,833
So that's your reason?

494
00:58:14,872 --> 00:58:16,999
You don't have to sneer at me.

495
00:58:18,676 --> 00:58:20,075
Marry me, then.

496
00:58:25,382 --> 00:58:26,610
No.

497
00:58:27,218 --> 00:58:30,847
It's hard to plead one's own cause.

498
00:58:30,955 --> 00:58:33,082
Yes, it certainly is.

499
00:58:33,970 --> 00:58:37,086
You can't...
You mustn't push me away.

500
00:58:37,828 --> 00:58:40,661
How can you be so blind?

501
00:58:40,764 --> 00:58:42,925
Don't get hysterical.

502
00:58:43,033 --> 00:58:45,934
That's what you always say
whenever you see me crying.

503
00:58:47,671 --> 00:58:50,139
I suppose I am a tad hysterical.

504
00:58:50,241 --> 00:58:53,074
Calm down.
Don't alarm your aunt.

505
00:58:53,177 --> 00:58:56,305
I can't hold back the tears.

506
00:58:56,747 --> 00:59:00,808
Just go on talking.
I can still hear your every word.

507
00:59:14,331 --> 00:59:17,164
I thought I'd found a good excuse.

508
00:59:18,836 --> 00:59:20,963
All that stuff
about a pastor's reputation.

509
00:59:21,071 --> 00:59:23,301
But you didn't bite.

510
00:59:24,775 --> 00:59:26,709
And I understand that,

511
00:59:27,111 --> 00:59:28,908
since it was a pack of lies.

512
00:59:30,114 --> 00:59:32,520
The real reason

513
00:59:33,551 --> 00:59:35,610
is that I don't want you.

514
00:59:42,960 --> 00:59:44,621
Did you hear that?

515
00:59:48,332 --> 00:59:49,799
Yes.

516
00:59:50,734 --> 00:59:52,292
Of course I did.

517
00:59:59,543 --> 01:00:01,830
I'm tired of your loving care.

518
01:00:02,947 --> 01:00:04,312
Your fussing.

519
01:00:05,890 --> 01:00:07,110
Your good advice.

520
01:00:08,886 --> 01:00:11,514
Your candlesticks and table runners.

521
01:00:13,557 --> 01:00:15,923
I'm fed up
with your shortsightedness.

522
01:00:17,261 --> 01:00:19,126
Your clumsy hands.

523
01:00:20,965 --> 01:00:22,660
Your anxiousness.

524
01:00:23,934 --> 01:00:27,340
Your timid displays of affection.

525
01:00:29,807 --> 01:00:33,766
You force me to occupy myself
with your physical condition.

526
01:00:34,778 --> 01:00:36,790
Your poor digestion.

527
01:00:36,914 --> 01:00:38,780
Your rashes.

528
01:00:39,116 --> 01:00:40,913
Your periods.

529
01:00:41,552 --> 01:00:43,019
Your frostbitten cheeks.

530
01:00:48,359 --> 01:00:53,296
Once and for all I have to escape
this junkyard of idiotic trivialities.

531
01:00:56,100 --> 01:00:57,863
I'm sick and tired of it all,

532
01:00:59,770 --> 01:01:02,050
of everything to do with you.

533
01:01:04,341 --> 01:01:06,866
Why didn't you tell me this before?

534
01:01:07,711 --> 01:01:09,838
Because of my upbringing.

535
01:01:11,682 --> 01:01:15,584
I was taught to regard women
as beings of a higher order.

536
01:01:16,820 --> 01:01:18,520
Admirable creatures,

537
01:01:18,522 --> 01:01:20,547
unassailable martyrs.

538
01:01:23,794 --> 01:01:25,159
And your wife?

539
01:01:25,262 --> 01:01:26,695
I loved her.

540
01:01:27,531 --> 01:01:30,125
You hear me? I loved her.

541
01:01:32,102 --> 01:01:34,730
And I don't love you,
because I love my wife.

542
01:01:35,606 --> 01:01:37,836
When she died, so did I.

543
01:01:37,941 --> 01:01:41,001
I couldn't care less
what happens to me.

544
01:01:45,582 --> 01:01:47,345
Am I making myself clear?

545
01:01:48,385 --> 01:01:51,877
I loved her, and she was everything
you could never be

546
01:01:51,989 --> 01:01:53,752
but insist on trying to be.

547
01:01:55,125 --> 01:01:57,616
The way you mimic her behavior
is such an ugly parody.

548
01:02:01,265 --> 01:02:02,892
I didn't even know her.

549
01:02:12,643 --> 01:02:14,201
I'd better be going...

550
01:02:16,870 --> 01:02:19,280
before I spout even worse bits
of senseless drivel.

551
01:02:20,651 --> 01:02:22,949
Could it get any worse?

552
01:02:40,838 --> 01:02:42,635
Stop rubbing your eyes like that.

553
01:02:45,609 --> 01:02:46,837
Sorry.

554
01:02:52,583 --> 01:02:54,050
Stare all you like.

555
01:02:55,352 --> 01:02:56,819
I can take it.

556
01:02:58,155 --> 01:03:01,124
I can barely see you
without my glasses.

557
01:03:04,862 --> 01:03:06,955
You're all fuzzy,

558
01:03:08,265 --> 01:03:10,756
and your face is just a white blob.

559
01:03:12,736 --> 01:03:14,931
You're not really real.

560
01:03:21,278 --> 01:03:25,578
Yes, I see that I did it all wrong

561
01:03:26,316 --> 01:03:29,170
from the beginning.

562
01:03:29,186 --> 01:03:33,250
I've got to go.
I have to talk to Mrs. Persson.

563
01:03:34,024 --> 01:03:35,787
Every time I've hated you,

564
01:03:36,527 --> 01:03:40,020
I've made an effort
to turn it into compassion.

565
01:03:40,831 --> 01:03:42,594
You can't make it on your own.

566
01:03:43,367 --> 01:03:45,562
You won't survive, Tomas dear.

567
01:03:47,604 --> 01:03:49,868
Nothing can save you.

568
01:03:52,176 --> 01:03:54,167
You'll hate yourself to death.

569
01:03:55,679 --> 01:03:58,546
Can't you be quiet?
Can't you leave me alone?

570
01:03:59,016 --> 01:04:00,745
Can't you just shut up?

571
01:04:33,150 --> 01:04:34,583
Would you like to come along?

572
01:04:35,552 --> 01:04:37,570
Do you really want me to?

573
01:04:38,555 --> 01:04:41,080
Or is that fear talking?

574
01:04:42,192 --> 01:04:45,525
Suit yourself.
But I'm asking you to come.

575
01:04:47,664 --> 01:04:50,360
Of course I'll come.

576
01:04:50,934 --> 01:04:52,868
I don't have much choice, do I?

577
01:04:59,276 --> 01:05:04,145
Auntie, I'll be back by 6:00.

578
01:05:05,215 --> 01:05:08,912
She must be asleep.
I'll just go check the stove.

579
01:06:59,690 --> 01:07:01,940
Your husband is dead, Mrs. Persson.

580
01:07:02,265 --> 01:07:06,565
They've taken him to the infirmary,
but there's no hope.

581
01:07:06,970 --> 01:07:08,700
He shot himself.

582
01:07:47,210 --> 01:07:48,905
So, I'm all alone.

583
01:07:51,181 --> 01:07:52,944
Shall we read
from the Bible together?

584
01:07:54,017 --> 01:07:55,177
No.

585
01:07:56,386 --> 01:07:57,853
No, thank you.

586
01:08:03,894 --> 01:08:05,885
I've got to let the children know.

587
01:08:14,905 --> 01:08:18,363
I'll be in all evening,
if there's anything I can do for you.

588
01:08:19,150 --> 01:08:23,777
I'll come by sometime this week
to make funeral arrangements.

589
01:08:25,550 --> 01:08:29,820
I spoke to him,
but there was so little I could do.

590
01:08:30,600 --> 01:08:32,718
I'm sure you did what you could, sir.

591
01:09:56,106 --> 01:09:58,574
It was my parents' dream
that I become a clergyman.

592
01:11:28,932 --> 01:11:30,365
Hello there.

593
01:11:31,070 --> 01:11:33,834
Those bells rang
for 20 seconds too long.

594
01:11:33,937 --> 01:11:38,806
Unfortunately, I was busy
replacing the candles.

595
01:11:39,175 --> 01:11:42,372
I usually turn on the bells,
light the candles,

596
01:11:43,190 --> 01:11:44,870
and make it back in time.

597
01:11:44,871 --> 01:11:48,013
But today I bungled it.
An unfortunate mishap.

598
01:11:48,852 --> 01:11:51,878
But those candles
were tricky to light.

599
01:11:51,988 --> 01:11:53,819
Probably a factory defect.

600
01:11:53,923 --> 01:11:56,824
And I guess my broken-down body

601
01:11:56,926 --> 01:12:00,589
is slowing down my actions.

602
01:12:01,064 --> 01:12:03,123
The reason hardly matters.

603
01:12:03,730 --> 01:12:08,000
I leave the temple in semidarkness
until just before the bells start.

604
01:12:08,305 --> 01:12:11,741
I believe electric lights disturb
our spirit of reverence.

605
01:12:12,509 --> 01:12:14,943
Don't you agree, Miss Lundberg?

606
01:12:19,149 --> 01:12:21,117
You asked to have a word with me.

607
01:12:21,217 --> 01:12:24,880
Yes, about a rather urgent matter.

608
01:12:28,558 --> 01:12:33,154
Once, when I complained about
my pains keeping me up nights,

609
01:12:34,030 --> 01:12:36,700
you suggested that I read... -

610
01:12:36,733 --> 01:12:37,757
I remember.

611
01:12:37,867 --> 01:12:39,994
To distract myself.

612
01:12:40,970 --> 01:12:43,780
I began with the gospels.

613
01:12:44,774 --> 01:12:47,607
And real sleeping potions
they were too, if I may say so,

614
01:12:48,545 --> 01:12:51,190
at least now and then.

615
01:12:53,616 --> 01:12:56,710
Now I've got as far
as the story of Christ's passion,

616
01:12:57,120 --> 01:12:59,922
and it's given me pause.

617
01:12:59,923 --> 01:13:05,156
So I figured I'd discuss it with you,
Pastor Ericsson.

618
01:13:06,629 --> 01:13:08,392
I feel compelled to do so.

619
01:13:10,390 --> 01:13:12,935
The passion of Christ, his suffering.

620
01:13:14,304 --> 01:13:18,604
Wouldn't you say the focus
on his suffering is all wrong?

621
01:13:19,776 --> 01:13:21,243
What do you mean?

622
01:13:21,745 --> 01:13:25,112
This emphasis on physical pain.

623
01:13:25,648 --> 01:13:28,082
It couldn't have been all that bad.

624
01:13:28,184 --> 01:13:31,119
It may sound presumptuous of me,

625
01:13:31,221 --> 01:13:33,086
but in my humble way,

626
01:13:33,189 --> 01:13:38,126
I've suffered as much
physical pain as Jesus.

627
01:13:39,562 --> 01:13:42,360
And his torments were rather brief.

628
01:13:42,932 --> 01:13:45,526
Lasting some four hours, I gather?

629
01:13:48,705 --> 01:13:53,142
I feel he was tormented
far worse on another level.

630
01:13:55,850 --> 01:13:57,709
Maybe I've got it all wrong.

631
01:13:59,549 --> 01:14:02,900
But just think
of Gethsemane, Pastor.

632
01:14:03,386 --> 01:14:05,786
Christ's disciples fell asleep.

633
01:14:06,630 --> 01:14:11,910
They hadn't understood the meaning
of the last supper or anything.

634
01:14:13,196 --> 01:14:16,165
And when the servants of the law
appeared, they ran away,

635
01:14:16,730 --> 01:14:19,300
and Peter denied him.

636
01:14:20,603 --> 01:14:24,699
Christ had known
his disciples for three years.

637
01:14:25,975 --> 01:14:28,569
They'd lived together
day in and day out,

638
01:14:29,045 --> 01:14:31,775
but they never grasped
what he meant.

639
01:14:34,117 --> 01:14:37,211
They abandoned him,
down to the last man.

640
01:14:37,954 --> 01:14:39,979
He was left all alone.

641
01:14:42,058 --> 01:14:44,652
That must have been painful.

642
01:14:45,228 --> 01:14:47,958
To realize that no one understands.

643
01:14:49,799 --> 01:14:53,291
To be abandoned
when you need someone to rely on.

644
01:14:55,238 --> 01:14:57,638
That must be
excruciatingly painful.

645
01:15:05,210 --> 01:15:06,972
But the worst was yet to come.

646
01:15:09,590 --> 01:15:12,115
When Jesus was nailed to the cross,

647
01:15:12,222 --> 01:15:16,352
and hung there in torment,
he cried out,

648
01:15:17,126 --> 01:15:19,253
"God, my God.

649
01:15:19,729 --> 01:15:22,630
Why hast thou forsaken me?"

650
01:15:24,000 --> 01:15:26,935
He cried out as loud as he could.

651
01:15:28,538 --> 01:15:31,769
He thought that his heavenly father
had abandoned him.

652
01:15:33,142 --> 01:15:36,339
He believed everything
he'd ever preached was a lie.

653
01:15:38,648 --> 01:15:43,551
In the moments before he died,
Christ was seized by doubt.

654
01:15:45,655 --> 01:15:49,751
Surely that must have been
his greatest hardship?

655
01:15:51,995 --> 01:15:54,190
God's silence.

656
01:15:56,720 --> 01:15:57,763
Yes.

657
01:16:09,612 --> 01:16:12,979
No service today.
Not a soul turned up.

658
01:16:14,083 --> 01:16:15,573
You don't count.

659
01:16:15,752 --> 01:16:18,812
You belong, so to speak,
in the sheep pen.

660
01:16:21,257 --> 01:16:22,815
So, how are you doing?

661
01:16:25,028 --> 01:16:29,761
That pastor you're running after
isn't worth much.

662
01:16:29,866 --> 01:16:31,633
Don't deny it.

663
01:16:31,634 --> 01:16:33,966
You don't think
a spinster can be choosy.

664
01:16:36,306 --> 01:16:39,707
Märta, for your own sake,

665
01:16:40,310 --> 01:16:43,541
you can leave this place,
so get out as quickly as you can.

666
01:16:44,347 --> 01:16:47,874
Everything at Mittsunda and Frostnäs
is in the grip of death and decay.

667
01:16:48,384 --> 01:16:49,942
Take me, for instance.

668
01:16:53,280 --> 01:16:55,946
Remember when I used
to arrange musical soirees

669
01:16:56,192 --> 01:16:58,092
on that pile of junk upstairs?

670
01:16:58,261 --> 01:17:00,058
I gave concerts.

671
01:17:01,965 --> 01:17:03,990
And the things Tomas achieved.

672
01:17:05,034 --> 01:17:07,195
People actually attended church.

673
01:17:08,705 --> 01:17:11,697
But his wife was his undoing.

674
01:17:13,910 --> 01:17:15,935
That got your attention, didn't it?

675
01:17:18,748 --> 01:17:20,147
The little woman.

676
01:17:21,250 --> 01:17:24,530
My old galoshes knew human nature
better than Tomas did.

677
01:17:24,721 --> 01:17:27,570
He only had eyes for her.

678
01:17:27,991 --> 01:17:30,016
He was utterly smitten.

679
01:17:33,329 --> 01:17:37,129
So much for their love story.

680
01:17:39,135 --> 01:17:41,399
"God is love

681
01:17:41,504 --> 01:17:43,267
and love is God.

682
01:17:44,107 --> 01:17:47,338
Love proves the existence of God.

683
01:17:47,830 --> 01:17:51,641
Love is a real force for mankind."

684
01:17:52,649 --> 01:17:54,640
You see, I know the drill.

685
01:17:55,084 --> 01:17:58,281
I've been an attentive listener
to the pastor's outpourings.

686
01:18:00,523 --> 01:18:03,151
Bye-bye, you old turtledove.

687
01:18:07,296 --> 01:18:09,287
Get out while you can.

688
01:18:24,190 --> 01:18:27,540
Hello, you tubercular old wheezer.
Don't pass your flu on to me.

689
01:18:29,240 --> 01:18:30,247
Will there be a service?

690
01:18:30,353 --> 01:18:31,786
I don't feel well.

691
01:18:31,888 --> 01:18:33,588
I can see that.

692
01:18:33,589 --> 01:18:36,752
Florence Nightingale is out there,
waiting to minister to your needs.

693
01:18:37,827 --> 01:18:41,695
Personally,
I'd like to get some shut-eye.

694
01:18:42,098 --> 01:18:44,862
I'm playing tonight
at the Masonic Lodge, you see.

695
01:18:45,750 --> 01:18:46,925
What's your opinion, Algot?

696
01:18:47,036 --> 01:18:48,094
Don't have one.

697
01:18:48,204 --> 01:18:50,104
I should have known.

698
01:18:50,640 --> 01:18:52,835
I'll go upstairs to the organ.

699
01:18:52,942 --> 01:18:55,536
Algot can give me a sign
when the bells stop ringing.

700
01:19:00,149 --> 01:19:01,149
Well?

701
01:19:03,052 --> 01:19:05,577
There's only Miss Lundberg out there.

702
01:19:06,055 --> 01:19:08,114
Guess I shouldn't say "only."

703
01:19:09,125 --> 01:19:11,059
It's time to start the service bell.

704
01:19:11,160 --> 01:19:13,993
That usually brings them in.

705
01:19:39,950 --> 01:19:41,616
If only we could feel safe

706
01:19:42,759 --> 01:19:45,592
and dare show
each other tenderness.

707
01:19:49,332 --> 01:19:52,096
If only we had
some truth to believe in.

708
01:19:53,503 --> 01:19:55,562
<i>If only we could believe.</i>

709
01:20:12,088 --> 01:20:14,556
Shall we have the service, then?

710
01:21:19,620 --> 01:21:24,621
Holy, holy, holy
is the Lord of Hosts.

711
01:21:26,529 --> 01:21:29,692
The whole earth
is full of His glory.