1
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,950
Felix, come back here!
2
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:46,590
Well, you don't deserve
to be the father of my child!
3
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,310
Come back here
with that Santa Claus suit!
4
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:59,150
You jerk, you ruined our tree!
It was absolutely symmetrical!
5
00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,870
- It took us hours to find!
- It was perfect!
6
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,030
- Nothing's perfect!
- Stop yelling.
7
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:07,270
- You'll send her into labour!
- She's going anyway!
8
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,790
- She's only seven months.
- Then she's having an elephant!
9
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:15,070
It was an accident.
Can't we show some Christmas spirit?
10
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:18,190
- You owe us 40 bucks!
- I'll sue you!
11
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:23,030
- Santa will repay you for your tree.
- It was 50 bucks!
12
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:24,950
We can't even afford a baby!
13
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,710
- Now, look what you did!
- Mind your own business, mister!
14
00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:31,030
My business is helping people.
15
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:35,030
Well, you know what?
Merry Christmas!
16
00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:07,390
This is the office of Lifesavers.
All lines are busy.
17
00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,830
If you're on the verge of suicide
18
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,990
and calling from a touch-tone
phone, press one.
19
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:15,990
If you are merely depressed,
stay on the line.
20
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,830
- We'll be with you...
- What am I to do, Catherine?
21
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:24,150
I don't have a touch-tone phone.
Suppose I was on the verge of suicide?
22
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:32,390
- Merry Christmas, Lifesavers.
- I haven't slept for days.
23
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,950
I am terrified of the Seaside Strangler.
I know he's going to get me.
24
00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:38,550
Do you fit the description of his victims?
25
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,270
Are you an attractive
woman with long, dark hair?
26
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:45,440
- Not really, although how long is long?
- At least to your shoulders.
27
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,830
I can't stop worrying about the planet.
28
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,870
What is it about Janet
that is worrying you?
29
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,310
Not "Janet." The planet.
30
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:57,150
Would you click your phone?
There's some static on the line.
31
00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,910
You know, dear, just click
the little button, like this...
32
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:07,430
We can't divulge
personal details of our lives
33
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,910
but I know what you're feeling.
34
00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,510
Do you live alone too?
35
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,510
I live with my mother.
36
00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:18,600
Catherine, you're not supposed
to tell them about yourself.
37
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,950
I could never live with my mother.
38
00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,750
That's something for you
to remember, isn't it?
39
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:27,840
No matter how bleak things are, at least
you don't live with your mother.
40
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,710
Thank you for calling.
Don't hesitate to call again.
41
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:32,270
Merry Christmas.
42
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,110
May I click for you, Catherine?
43
00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:39,070
I don't think so, Mrs Munchnik.
They weren't suicidal, only depressed.
44
00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:42,470
But if he or she had not spoken
with you, he or she
45
00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,510
might have become suicidal,
mightn't they?
46
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,270
NOW SAVING 1422
47
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,270
Where do you suppose Philip is?
48
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,710
- I'm sure he'll be here shortly.
- Playing around, probably.
49
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,700
That's very unfair.
He's completely true to Susan.
50
00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:00,350
Men are not true to anything.
They'll have sex with a tree.
51
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:04,710
He'll pull up on
his bicycle at any moment.
52
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:09,110
I could be having Christmas Eve dinner
with my dead husband's relatives.
53
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:12,150
I am not someone with no place to go.
54
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:14,560
I'm sure you're not.
55
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,550
Merry Christmas. Lifesavers.
How may I help you?
56
00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:44,150
Philip! Just who I'm looking for.
57
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,390
Merry Christmas. You're out!
58
00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,000
You can't evict us!
59
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:52,550
Lifesavers has saved over 1400 lives.
Doesn't that mean anything?
60
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:54,950
You are three months behind in your rent.
61
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:58,940
After you save someone's life
you can't ask them for money!
62
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:02,670
- Doctors can. Aren't you a doctor?
- No.
63
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,070
In all of your calls,
has anybody impaled themselves?
64
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,000
No.
65
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,310
How can I tell my employees
their jobs are over?
66
00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:13,470
Try you're fired. It works for me.
67
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:17,750
- Does anyone ever drink glass?
- The state's cut our funding.
68
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:21,350
No, they don't drink glass.
What's the matter with you?
69
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:22,960
- They must.
- Must what?
70
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,950
They must drink glass. They must.
71
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:29,310
- January second. Out!
- You don't care, Stanley.
72
00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:31,430
You're one of those that don't care.
73
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:34,550
Of course not. I'm the landlord!
74
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:46,870
Philip! A tree!
75
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:49,910
- Merry Christmas.
- I'm glad you could make it.
76
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,310
- Are you all right?
- I'm fine.
77
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,000
Temper, temper!
78
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,870
Sorry, but everything's gone wrong.
79
00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:59,470
At least we're not being evicted.
80
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,240
- And why not?
- Where are the call sheets?
81
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,310
Everyone else
has received an eviction notice.
82
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:06,740
One hang-up!
83
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:11,030
- Dr Gillespie has two notices.
- A woman worried about the Strangler.
84
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,390
A man about to slit his wrists
85
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:18,240
because his non-profit business is
being ruined by a maniac!
86
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,950
I'm sure Philip will think of something.
87
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:22,560
Sure I will.
88
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:26,230
In the Peace Corps,
he built a Peruvian village
89
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,790
and solved all their soil erosion problems.
90
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:32,270
You could see the bright side of a plague.
91
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,270
I'm on my way.
92
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,230
Not without your present!
93
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,470
Merry Christmas, Mrs Munchnik.
94
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:46,870
- A fruitcake?
- Yes.
95
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,870
Remarkably like the one
I gave you last year.
96
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:56,510
Thank you so much, Philip.
97
00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:58,070
Let me help you.
98
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,510
Merry Christmas!
99
00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:13,670
Say hello to
your dead husband's sister for me.
100
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:16,310
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
101
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:52,160
Help!
102
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:57,870
Help! Philip! Catherine!
103
00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,470
It's Mrs Munchnik!
104
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:04,560
Hello!
105
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,550
What are you doing with that?
106
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:23,030
- It's protection from the Strangler.
- Give me that, honey.
107
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,990
We don't know anything about guns.
108
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:29,790
I could've sold that suit
and bought our baby a car seat.
109
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,400
We don't have a car.
110
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,390
What was I supposed to wear?
You cut up my clothes.
111
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:38,710
- I was mad.
- Honey, you were mad the day we met.
112
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,110
A man on the boardwalk
says to me, "Smile."
113
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,830
- A total stranger.
- And you screamed at him.
114
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,030
"Shut up!" Remember?
115
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,460
I did, didn't I?
116
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:52,950
You had a right to. It was
an invasion of your privacy.
117
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:54,560
It was.
118
00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:57,870
Look what I got for you.
119
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,350
We can have the baby
in the hospital for free.
120
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:03,830
We have to swear that we're broke,
121
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:07,710
have no way of supporting
ourselves, and never will.
122
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:11,470
God, Felix! I don't want to hurt
your feelings, but...
123
00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:15,070
You're the only person
who's never hurt my feelings.
124
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:20,070
You're a loser. I can't have
a loser in my baby's life.
125
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,350
I'm not a loser! I'm an artist!
126
00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:25,120
Why can't you paint on
canvas like anyone else?
127
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:28,710
- Because I'm a wall artist.
- But you don't have a wall!
128
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,710
Someday I will have a wall.
129
00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:34,390
Someday I'll do my masterpiece
on a big wall
130
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,230
right out on the boardwalk.
131
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,590
And you and the baby will be in it,
132
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,950
and the sea and the stars
are gonna be shining.
133
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,830
- I want a businessman.
- What are you talking about?
134
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:50,950
I'm talking about breaking up, Felix.
That's what I'm talking about.
135
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,510
Come on, honey.
136
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,830
- I'm leaving.
- Where are you going?
137
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,070
I'm going for a walk.
138
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,430
Gracie, you're just stressed.
139
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:03,110
And don't try to follow me either, Felix!
140
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,630
Susan! It's Philip.
141
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:11,630
Let me just go somewhere private.
142
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:26,400
- Tannenbaum's evicting us!
- You'll have to get another job.
143
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,790
I've never done this,
but you're a loan officer
144
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,390
and a small loan, say $5,000,
could save us.
145
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,670
I don't know how to tell Catherine.
146
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,660
She's sitting out there knitting
something. A pot holder.
147
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,440
I hate to talk money at a time like this.
148
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:44,190
A time like what?
149
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,670
God, I don't know how to say this.
150
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,630
This is really hard for me.
151
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,480
My psychiatrist thinks we should break up.
152
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:52,680
What?
153
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,230
I didn't know you were going
to a psychiatrist.
154
00:12:56,440 --> 00:13:00,870
Well, I'm not.
I've been dating one for four months.
155
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,710
This is so sudden.
156
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:06,960
I didn't want to tell you over
the phone. I wanted to fax you,
157
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:09,430
but you don't even have a fax.
158
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,590
Susan? Susan?
159
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:26,070
It's so quiet. You'd expect everyone
would be jumping out of windows
160
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,430
or slitting their wrists on Christmas Eve.
161
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,560
Merry Christmas, how may we help you?
162
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,470
Static again. Hello? Hello?
163
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:42,830
Hello? I can't hear you.
164
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:46,190
Try clicking the little button.
I can't hear you.
165
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,790
Look, I'm at the end of my rope
and I want to die.
166
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,070
Click it. Click it, please.
167
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:53,950
Go ahead.
168
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:00,790
We were disconnected.
169
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,790
If a person's really upset,
they always call back.
170
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,150
It's working.
171
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:28,040
Help! Help! Hey!
172
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,080
Help! Mr Capshaw!
173
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,670
I'm stuck up here!
174
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,830
Can't you hear me?
175
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:56,910
Wait. Wait. I'm up here!
176
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,350
Are you deaf?!
177
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,550
We could have a charity ball.
178
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:44,310
Who would I take?
We could have a garage sale.
179
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:46,510
Susan has all my old records.
180
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,030
A call! I'll get it.
181
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,790
Line one.
182
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,950
Hello. This is Lifesavers, Merry Christmas.
183
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,270
- Am I disturbing you?
- No, not at all.
184
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,910
I'm very lonely tonight.
185
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:14,110
May I stop by and talk?
186
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:19,950
It's not in the rules, but if you're willing
to make a donation, perhaps five grand...
187
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:21,710
I'm kidding!
188
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,190
- Everyone makes fun of me.
- I'm sorry.
189
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,830
Please, can't I come by?
I don't want to be alone now.
190
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,600
No, we have rules, but we're listening.
191
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,750
Everyone at Lifesavers is with you.
192
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,510
Talk to us!
193
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,200
I'm so alone.
194
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,070
"So alone." Anyone in
your family you could call?
195
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,550
- They hate me.
- Hate you. What about church?
196
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,480
Please, can't I stop by?
197
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:50,640
I'll only stay a minute.
I need to see someone.
198
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,790
Please, just give me the address.
199
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:56,950
I cannot give out the address.
200
00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,910
It's Christmas!
201
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,550
- It's 17 Pier Street.
- Thank you.
202
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,310
I'll be right over.
203
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:34,390
Arnold Schwarzenegger!
Come on, hang some tinsel.
204
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:37,590
Dad, I hate it when you call me that.
205
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,790
Arnold! Arnold! Arnold...
206
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:57,270
Testing, testing.
One, two, three, four. Help!
207
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,750
I'm stuck in the elevator
208
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:29,390
I'm stuck in the elevator
Get me, please
209
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:33,190
Come to get me on Christmas Eve
Mrs Munchnik, here with nothing
210
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,630
Hey, come to get me you...
211
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,390
Come to get me! Stuck in this place
212
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:51,310
Get me soon, or hit me in my face
213
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:57,750
I can't believe I broke the rule,
giving out our address.
214
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:01,510
I hate it when they cry.
Especially with those little hiccups.
215
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:05,950
- This is the worst day of my life.
- It's the Santa Anas.
216
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:10,120
What if he's a serial killer,
or the Seaside Strangler?
217
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:13,550
I don't think he phones first,
but it could be a detail
218
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,710
they deliberately leave
out of the newspapers.
219
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:20,630
I'll handle this.
220
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,150
Hello. This is Lifesavers.
How may I help you?
221
00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:35,670
I'm calling because
this is my last Christmas.
222
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,340
Your last Christmas. Continue.
223
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:41,870
I have leukaemia.
I have only two months to live.
224
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,150
Hello?
225
00:19:47,250 --> 00:19:48,710
Leukemia. I'm so sorry, sir.
226
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:52,960
May I speak to a woman?
May I wish a woman Merry Christmas?
227
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:57,270
Absolutely. And may I say
that I admire your courage?
228
00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:00,390
All of us here do. Here is my colleague.
229
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,710
Merry Christmas,
if it's all right to say that.
230
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,310
- What's your name?
- Catherine.
231
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,470
I want to do it to you, Catherine.
232
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:11,270
- I want to stick it in you.
- "Stick it in"?
233
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:14,350
I'm rimming and ramming! You love it!
234
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:17,120
Stop it! We can't have that sort of thing!
235
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:19,310
Put the slut back on!
236
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,960
Dog-haters, that awful woman
is stuck in the elevator!
237
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:28,550
- Stuck, I hope forever.
- I'm stuck!
238
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,870
- We're coming!
- I hope it takes years to get you out.
239
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:36,150
Serves you right for reporting
Daisy to the landlord.
240
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:39,990
- She practically gave me rabies!
- You don't "practically" get rabies.
241
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:44,270
You either get rabies or you don't.
There's no in-between.
242
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:45,800
I'll get that.
243
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,790
- What's the problem?
- I'm sure I don't know.
244
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:52,630
I am a trained mechanic
and I would happily fix any elevator
245
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,710
that didn't have a dog-hater in it!
246
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,870
I'll check the circuit-breaker box.
247
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,030
Who was that? Another basket case?
248
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:03,550
Your dead husband's sister.
They're starting dinner without you.
249
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,220
- Lucky them!
- I'm calling the landlord.
250
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:10,070
Don't think I don't know
what's really going on
251
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:12,510
between you and those dogs!
252
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,510
- If you could just come over...
- I can't.
253
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,230
She can't spend Christmas in an elevator!
254
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:20,750
- In a couple of hours.
- Thank you.
255
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,950
- Hello, Lifesavers.
- Catherine!
256
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:27,310
Finally, you're off the phone.
Don't you ever stop yakking?
257
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,590
We're supposed to talk on the phone.
258
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,110
- Yes, right.
- Is something wrong?
259
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:36,990
I'm spending the night at your place.
Felix is acting totally irrational.
260
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:41,590
He ran off in my Santa suit,
which I could've sold today.
261
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,350
- It's not the fuse box.
- Of course it's not!
262
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:50,230
It is a short inside.
I saw an electrician fix it last week.
263
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:54,320
All you need is a screwdriver,
and I will tell you what to do.
264
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:58,480
There's one in the earthquake kit.
Catherine!
265
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,510
Hold on a second. What is it, Philip?
266
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,360
Can you get the screwdriver
in the earthquake kit?
267
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:07,350
Wait! Wait, wait, wait!
Should we use it?
268
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,710
Suppose we forget to put it back
and "The Big One" comes?
269
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:15,230
The law says all businesses must
have complete earthquake kits.
270
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,630
- Get it!
- I'll get it!
271
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:22,910
Come over here. I'll take you to Mother's.
Don't just ring her bell.
272
00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:25,840
Will she think I'm the Seaside Strangler?
273
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:29,670
- She's a bit nervous.
- Does she fit victim descriptions?
274
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,630
- Not really.
- Why is she carrying on?
275
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,240
There he is.
276
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,950
I won't speak to him even if he begs me.
277
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,910
- Gracie?
- Gracie!
278
00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:46,110
Gracie. Honey, come home to me.
I promise I'll get a regular job.
279
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,670
You had a regular job making pizzas.
280
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,030
- You messed up.
- The manager hated me.
281
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,230
- You never showed up on time.
- I'm a wall artist!
282
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,870
A wall artist with no wall,
which makes you a nothing!
283
00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,910
- Tell him!
- He ruined our tree.
284
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:03,230
Shut up! You're both materialistic idiots!
285
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:04,440
Yeah!
286
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:30,990
- It's pyjamas. I knitted them.
- Thank you!
287
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:35,510
People give the bride things
to wear to bed, but not the groom.
288
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,990
The thing is, I'm never getting married.
289
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:44,390
You are. In four months. Be patient.
Everything comes to him who waits.
290
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:47,270
Did I really believe that?
291
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:50,710
I've said those things
for so long, they just pop out.
292
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:54,470
The truth is, nothing comes
to him who waits.
293
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,510
Merry Christmas. Lifesavers.
294
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,390
- Hello. I'm so upset.
- I'm listening.
295
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:08,750
I was in the supermarket,
and everyone was buying big turkeys.
296
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:12,840
I was standing in the 10-items-and-
under line with a chicken breast.
297
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:14,260
I know.
298
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:20,630
I suddenly realised I'd be in the
10-items-and-under line the rest of my life.
299
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,160
I know.
300
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:27,510
Are you all right?
301
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,230
Catherine, what's wrong?
302
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,550
Let me handle this.
303
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,870
- May I help you?
- Is she all right?
304
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:45,070
She'll be all right. May I put you
on hold while I run to my desk?
305
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:49,110
You're not calling from a bridge
or holding a weapon? Good.
306
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:00,790
Get a grip on yourself.
307
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:04,310
So the only present you got
is from your mother.
308
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:08,560
So you have nothing to do on New Year's
Eve for the 10th year in a row.
309
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:12,540
You're a very lucky person.
You have a wonderful job and...
310
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:17,190
you have a wonderful job. So there.
311
00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:29,350
Well, just remember that in
every pothole there is hope.
312
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:33,790
Well, you see, pothole is spelled
P-O-T-H-O-L-E.
313
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,550
If you take the P and add it
to the H, the O and the E
314
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:43,110
and rearrange the letters, or
contrariwise, remove the O, T and the L,
315
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:45,390
you get "HOPE".
316
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,790
So remember,
in every pothole there is hope.
317
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:52,030
Thank you for calling,
and call again anytime.
318
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:59,680
- Are you feeling better?
- "In every pothole, there is hope."
319
00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:02,870
- My father used to say that to me.
- I remember.
320
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:06,310
He said it to me
the day before he was run over
321
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:09,910
by a truck full of mixed nuts.
322
00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:11,710
I have something for you.
323
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:23,950
- Merry Christmas, Catherine.
- Philip! Thank you.
324
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,750
"Fruit of the Month Club."
325
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:41,830
For apples, oranges, and pears.
I'll take the wrapping.
326
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,070
- I save the wrapping.
- I save it too.
327
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:48,910
- I make ornaments out of it.
- I paid for it! Give it to me!
328
00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:55,270
Philip, what's this?
This is an eviction notice!
329
00:26:55,480 --> 00:27:00,350
We have to be out by the end
of the year! Oh, my gosh!
330
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:04,390
- I didn't want to upset you!
- We have to find someplace!
331
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,060
- We don't have any money.
- You can solve this.
332
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:12,070
I know you can. When the city was
going to chop down healthy elm trees
333
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:15,710
- you handcuffed yourself to a tree...
- I'll call the newspaper!
334
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:20,070
In two weeks I'll be home,
unemployed, with my Royal Riviera pears.
335
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:24,830
- May I have the number for the Times?
- We need a miracle.
336
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:26,990
Thank you.
337
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:32,230
- Hey, dickheads!
- I'm coming, Mrs Munchnik!
338
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,270
- Get me out of this elevator!
- Don't tell her!
339
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:37,630
You have reached the Los Angeles Times.
340
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:41,030
To order a subscription,
please press one.
341
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:44,710
If your newspaper did not arrive
this morning, press two.
342
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,830
To place a classified ad, press three.
343
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:51,070
To speak to
the Editorial Desk, City Desk,
344
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,630
National or International Desks,
Sports Desk, Metro
345
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:59,030
or Calendar sections,
press the first three letters of the desk
346
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:02,470
followed by the star key
in the case of the first three,
347
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:05,430
or the pound key for the latter five.
348
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,870
I'm coming, I'm coming!
349
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:16,510
Here you go. I'll just pull you up
through the roof. Come on. I got you.
350
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:22,310
- The landlord will be here in two hours.
- Two hours! I have to go to the bathroom!
351
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:26,990
- Just hang on!
- I can't hold it!
352
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:28,600
Hurry up, you oaf!
353
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:34,670
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
354
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:45,310
- Philip, are you all right?
- Do I look like it?!
355
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:47,670
I'm slipping! I'm going to crash!
356
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:49,790
Hold onto my wrist!
357
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:53,470
- You're hurting my wrist!
- Bring the elevator back!
358
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:55,910
You have two people up here dangling!
359
00:28:56,120 --> 00:29:00,160
Who's down there?
Whoever you are, stop on four!
360
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:03,950
No, three! Three!
Stop on three, not on four!
361
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,800
Come on! Where you going?
362
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,070
I'm going to be crushed!
363
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:13,910
Do you have anything to say to Susan?
Any last words?
364
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,760
She broke up with me!
365
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:23,640
Push stop! Push the red button!
366
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:26,630
What red button?
Is someone talking to me?
367
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:28,510
I'm talking to you!
368
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:31,230
Push the red button!
369
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:34,110
God, help! We're going to die!
370
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:39,340
We're dead. I knew it!
Please save us! Oh, my God.
371
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:46,910
Gracie, come on. Come on, honey!
372
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:50,470
I promise I'll be a good guy.
I'll give the Santa suit back.
373
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:53,950
- I have to pee! Help!
- Here it is! I'm taking off...
374
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:57,150
Out of my way! Let me in!
375
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:03,270
Open this door now! An employee
desperately needs to get in!
376
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:16,830
Let me in! I'm in agony! Let me in!
377
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:32,070
Young lady, this restroom
is the property of Lifesavers!
378
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:34,230
- You let me...
- Calm down.
379
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:36,950
- Don't get excited.
- Gracie, please come home.
380
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:40,070
- I'm never coming back, Felix!
- Please get dressed.
381
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:43,710
- You know these people?
- This is Philip. Felix, Philip.
382
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:45,270
- We've met.
- We have?
383
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,670
- When you crashed into the tree.
- I didn't. You did.
384
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,630
- So we met.
- This is Mrs Munchnik.
385
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:54,080
Hello.
386
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:00,990
You two had better make up
before that baby comes.
387
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:03,840
I have two months to think about it.
388
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:06,390
Don't be ridiculous. You'll drop it any day.
389
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,670
- It looks large.
- Of course. It's mine.
390
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:11,670
I left prison seven months ago.
391
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:14,950
And you're the only person
who could be the father?
392
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:16,510
Excuse me!
393
00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:18,630
- Is it true?
- Is what true?
394
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:20,270
What she said.
395
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:22,230
- I'm a slut now?
- Who's the father?
396
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:24,270
This is what I'm talking about!
397
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:28,470
Wait. This is a non-profit organisation.
There are laws against this.
398
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:30,990
Felix, you're a maniac!
399
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:38,710
Gracie! Look what you did. He's bleeding!
400
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,790
Evelyn? Yes, I'm finally out.
401
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:49,270
Felix needs stitches.
We have to take him to the hospital.
402
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:53,360
Who's going to pay? We can't afford
to have our baby in a hospital.
403
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:56,150
We'll take him to the vet.
Dr Kinsky'll help us.
404
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:58,750
I'll be there in just a few minutes.
405
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,230
Just a minute. What is it?
406
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,950
I'm afraid you'll have to cover the phones.
407
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:08,630
I'll have to cover the phones.
They want me to stay.
408
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,950
- Is that incredible?
- You've driven him into a frenzy!
409
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:15,150
- Like lighting dry leaves.
- You have a responsibility.
410
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:20,590
They're making me feel guilty. I will be
at your house before next Christmas!
411
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:22,150
That's all I have to say.
412
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:27,150
- Thank you. Are you coming, Gracie?
- No way.
413
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:32,230
Relax. You'll like Dr Kinsky. He's not
just a friend, he put my dog to sleep.
414
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:51,830
If you go into labour,
or anything along those lines
415
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:55,870
just don't expect any help from me.
I am not a midwife.
416
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,350
I never expect help.
417
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,870
Dr Kinsky's an expert on pot-bellied pigs.
418
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:06,190
You can housetrain them
and they can find fungi.
419
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:10,470
In bed they stick their nose under
the covers and root, which is sweet.
420
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:13,910
- I hate pigs.
- But they have those cute curly tails.
421
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:16,070
I hate their cute curly tails.
422
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,750
- Hello, Catherine.
- Hello, Louie.
423
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,870
I got a present for you. Something
424
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:27,210
personal.
425
00:33:27,310 --> 00:33:29,480
I'll be right back.
We're taking him to the vet.
426
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,320
- Is he rabid?
- He's a poor, unemployed person
427
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:34,030
in a bad relationship.
428
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,590
That's what they said about Old Yeller.
429
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,190
Well, I'll see you later, Louie.
430
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:44,000
I'll be waiting.
431
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:08,870
- May I use your scissors?
- Oh, yes.
432
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:14,750
- May I cut up your eviction notice?
- That would be fine.
433
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:17,990
Do you have any tape?
434
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:20,870
I think there's some in that drawer.
435
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,830
Wait. Wait a minute! Oh, my...
436
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:26,390
Oh, that Philip!
437
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,590
How dare he not tell anyone?
438
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:36,140
He is going to pay for this,
or my name is not Blanche Munchnik.
439
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:51,470
Here, lie down.
440
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:55,510
Dr Kinsky? Hello!
441
00:34:58,200 --> 00:34:59,750
I'll be right back.
442
00:35:00,720 --> 00:35:03,030
Is anyone here? Marshall?
443
00:35:03,240 --> 00:35:07,020
- Dr Kinsky? Merry Christmas!
- What? Hi, Philip.
444
00:35:07,240 --> 00:35:09,830
- I can't talk. I'm in a rush!
- You gotta help us.
445
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:11,310
I gotta go.
446
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:13,470
Felix is bleeding.
He was hit with a fruitcake.
447
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:16,550
- How did that happen?
- Lovers' quarrel.
448
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:21,670
I'm up to my eyeballs in people who think
that animals have feelings!
449
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:24,990
- I don't think you understand...
- I'll take care of it.
450
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:30,110
Spare me the melodrama.
Take Felix out of his box, put him in here.
451
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,590
- I'll be right back.
- Felix out of his box.
452
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,110
Hi, Pepper, Ginger, Billy, Duke!
453
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,270
- I'm running late.
- What is it now?
454
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:44,070
- A cat with a concussion.
- It's always this way.
455
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,670
Animals always come first.
Merry Christmas.
456
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:50,070
- Not that you even celebrate it!
- Wait! Wait!
457
00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:57,630
A person named Felix?
458
00:35:57,840 --> 00:35:59,990
Before cats, people were named Felix.
459
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:03,350
No. If you look it up,
the exact opposite is true.
460
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:07,190
Hi, Pancho.
You don't have to worry, do you?
461
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:10,350
- All you want is food and love.
- That's all I want.
462
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:14,550
- I want to be a wall artist.
- You make people happy chasing a stick.
463
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:18,150
I have to raise $5,000
or I'll hurt two people I care about.
464
00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:21,030
- I care about Gracie.
- I care about Vanessa.
465
00:36:21,240 --> 00:36:24,430
- And I about Catherine and Mrs Munchnik.
- What about Susan?
466
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:26,230
- Susan's gone.
- Gracie's gone.
467
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:28,630
- Vanessa's gone.
- Give up women, Pancho.
468
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,430
- Tomorrow he will.
- That's gotta hurt.
469
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:34,200
Once he takes these
he won't know what hit him.
470
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:38,030
We never know what hits us,
and one day we're talking in falsetto.
471
00:36:38,240 --> 00:36:41,790
Stay. Let me ask you something.
472
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,150
- How many pillows are on Susan's bed?
- About 12.
473
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:48,270
See? What is it with women and pillows?
474
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:50,790
I mean, how many do you need?
475
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:53,750
- Two. One for you and one for her.
- Yeah.
476
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:56,550
Vanessa has all these pillows.
477
00:36:56,760 --> 00:37:00,150
I mean, she's got round ones,
she's got heart-shaped ones.
478
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:04,320
She's got those pillows
with the stuff around the edges.
479
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:05,950
- Ruffles?
- Yeah.
480
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:08,950
You wanna go to bed,
you gotta take the pillows off.
481
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:12,270
And in the morning you put them
back on! What's the point?
482
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,950
Lifesavers is about to go under.
I don't care about pillows!
483
00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:21,310
- What's wrong with him?
- My God!
484
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:24,270
Come on, come on. Get up.
485
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:26,710
- What happened?
- He took dog tranquillizers.
486
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:28,190
Oh, my gosh, Felix!
487
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:30,910
Get him up. Walk him around.
Get out of the way!
488
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:32,750
All right, keep him moving.
489
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:36,310
- How can you be friends with them?
- I beg your pardon!
490
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:37,870
Where did you find them?
491
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:40,990
I met Gracie at an Adult Children
of Alcoholics meeting.
492
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:42,990
- Was your mother an alcoholic?
- No.
493
00:37:43,240 --> 00:37:44,510
- Was your father?
- No.
494
00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:47,030
I heard it was a good place to meet men.
495
00:37:47,240 --> 00:37:52,030
I didn't meet a man, needless to say.
I met Gracie and she breaks my heart.
496
00:37:52,240 --> 00:37:55,350
Because I care about her,
I care about Felix.
497
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:59,110
I'm not like you, only good on the phone.
498
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:03,360
- That's not true. I'm good in person.
- In person you blame everyone.
499
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:09,070
You did something wrong. You gave out
our address. Did I blame you? No.
500
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:11,230
I blamed the Santa Anas.
501
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:13,870
I don't even know what they are!
502
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:17,830
- They're dry winds from the desert...
- Shut up!
503
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:25,310
Don't stand there, call an ambulance!
That's something you'll be good at.
504
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:29,350
I'm glad we're not working together.
I'm glad this is our last week.
505
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:34,190
If Gracie had any idea what you've done,
she would be devastated.
506
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:37,750
That's probably Felix.
507
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:43,160
I can assure you, if you think
your husband is having an affair, he is.
508
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:46,230
He says, "I'm in my office,
eating Chinese food."
509
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:49,910
I don't care if he's dying.
I'm not gonna answer it.
510
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:51,910
Read his mail. Read it!
511
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:56,470
That's the delightful way I found out
that I'm about to be jobless.
512
00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:58,190
That's right.
513
00:38:58,400 --> 00:38:59,400
Fine.
514
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:05,230
How can I do it to you,
baby, if you hang up?
515
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:08,030
- What? Who is this?
- Is this Catherine?
516
00:39:08,240 --> 00:39:11,550
- No, this isn't Catherine.
- Merry Christmas to you too.
517
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,910
- You're new! Who are you?
- My name is Gracie.
518
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:20,110
Gracie. I want to write your name
in cheese. I want to bark like a dog!
519
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:23,910
You know what? You are a disgusting,
sleazy, perverted pig!
520
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:28,230
Excuse me! I'm sorry. May I help you?
521
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:30,390
The person you were speaking with
522
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:33,240
has not taken the Lifesavers
training program.
523
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:36,550
Shut up, Grandma.
I'm not busting your cherry!
524
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,470
I'm simply crushed.
525
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:45,310
I've waited my whole life for you
and now you don't even want me.
526
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:50,540
Do go on. I believe
you were discussing my cherry.
527
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:54,710
I am so good at this.
528
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:59,670
Soon I will be left high and dry
with no outlet for my talent.
529
00:39:59,880 --> 00:40:03,470
I have to pee.
Have you ever been pregnant?
530
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:08,110
No, I have not. Listen, young lady,
when you come out
531
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:11,870
do not answer the phone
under any circumstances.
532
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:15,070
Do not answer the door
under any circumstances
533
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:18,430
because it could be the Seaside Strangler.
534
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,710
He'll take fishing twine
and wrap it around your neck.
535
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,830
Your face will turn blue
and your eyes will bulge out
536
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,070
and then he'll hike up
your skirt and bang you!
537
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:31,990
Very funny! Very funny, young lady.
No one comes here.
538
00:40:32,240 --> 00:40:34,590
This is an unlisted address.
539
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:38,790
Hello? Hello, who is there?
540
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,640
It's the Seaside Strangler!
541
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:45,950
Whoever you are,
you're not supposed to be here.
542
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:49,230
Oh, who is it? Answer me!
543
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:53,390
Do you have something to hide?
544
00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:55,550
Did you do that?
545
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:59,390
Did you turn out the lights,
or is it just this stupid building?
546
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:02,990
Are you the Seaside Strangler?
Well, listen here.
547
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:06,470
I am calling the police.
I am getting the reward,
548
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:09,470
and you will
go to a maximum-security prison
549
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:13,750
where a very large, hairy man
will make you his girlfriend.
550
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:23,190
I am not your type. I am short
and my hair is short. I am attractive.
551
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:26,630
I suppose I do fit that
part of the description.
552
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:29,910
But I am not young.
I have never been young.
553
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:33,670
- Although, I do look considerab...
- Would you knock it off?
554
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:36,310
What would the Seaside Strangler
want with you?
555
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:38,710
- You're having a fantasy.
- No, don't!
556
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:45,150
What a sad and horrible Christmas Eve.
557
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:49,110
I had to take the bus.
I stubbed my toe on the boardwalk.
558
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:53,600
- May I come in?
- Sure.
559
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:03,550
- Is she all right?
- She's fine.
560
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,000
- Oh, what beautiful beads.
- Thanks.
561
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:10,070
Could you do me a favour?
I'm gonna leave.
562
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:13,750
- Could you put her out of the way?
- I'd be happy to.
563
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:57,630
Hello. Lifesavers. May I help you?
564
00:42:57,840 --> 00:43:01,590
May I speak to a woman?
May I wish a woman Merry Christmas?
565
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:04,150
You are speaking to a woman.
566
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:28,870
- Mrs Munchnik?
- No.
567
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:31,120
Who are you?
568
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,910
I called earlier
You gave me the address.
569
00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:35,520
I remember.
570
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:39,830
I came right over.
571
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:44,990
Have you seen a woman in a bad mood?
572
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:47,710
She's resting behind the couch.
573
00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:55,830
You were very good on the phone.
574
00:43:56,640 --> 00:44:00,270
On the phone.
I was good on the phone.
575
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,190
Won't you sit down?
576
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:10,800
My voice puts you off, doesn't it?
577
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:12,950
Not at all.
578
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:16,830
It doesn't suit me. In that sense,
I'm exactly like Kissinger.
579
00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:19,200
Henry Kissinger?
580
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:24,110
He has this odd little nasal voice
in a pompous, fat body.
581
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:26,710
It must upset the Russians terribly.
582
00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:29,590
I met him once.
583
00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:31,230
How fascinating.
584
00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:37,240
Not that he'd remember me. No one does.
585
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,270
I'm sure that's not true.
586
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:44,510
Thank you. You're very kind.
587
00:44:48,240 --> 00:44:51,110
Excuse me. I'm just going to
588
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,150
light these candles in case the...
589
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,720
It was at one of
those dance clubs, you know.
590
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:03,070
Here today, gone tomorrow.
When you look... it's gone.
591
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:06,630
Who was I with?
592
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:10,750
I have no idea. When you're confused,
your past is a blur.
593
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:13,430
- He wasn't dancing.
- Who?
594
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:16,470
Henry Kissinger.
595
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:21,430
- I'm boring you, aren't I?
- Not in the least.
596
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,550
I bore everyone.
597
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:27,190
I'm sure that's not true.
598
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:30,710
I find you very entertaining
and informative.
599
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:34,350
I had no idea
Henry Kissinger went to dance clubs.
600
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:37,200
Perhaps you could come back
some other time.
601
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:40,510
Say, after the New Year
and we could continue our chat.
602
00:45:40,720 --> 00:45:45,430
I wasn't dancing, either. I have
two left feet, I believe is the expression.
603
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:50,240
Well, let me give you a piece of advice
before you leave.
604
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:53,430
- Did you bring a coat?
- Just my cape.
605
00:45:56,080 --> 00:46:00,470
Have you heard of the Greater Orange
County Mambo Contest of 1968?
606
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,990
I was scared to enter it and yet I did.
607
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:07,550
And I won first prize,
dancing with my sister.
608
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:11,640
From that moment on I've never
worried about anyone's opinion
609
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:13,320
and neither should you.
610
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:18,230
You mean, you wouldn't
hesitate to dance even with me?
611
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:20,110
Absolutely not.
612
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:23,120
Do you have music?
613
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:30,280
Come on, Catherine.
Let's go to my place.
614
00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:33,310
- Now?
- I have something for you.
615
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:40,670
There were 14 kids
in our family, so, for Christmas
616
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:43,630
we each got one pair of socks.
617
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:47,190
- Really?
- We never saw our mother.
618
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:50,310
Divide 14 into 24
and what you get? Two.
619
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:52,670
We each saw our mother
two minutes a day.
620
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:56,550
- You mean two hours a day.
- No, I mean two minutes.
621
00:47:00,720 --> 00:47:05,150
My mother's always there.
Sometimes I wish she were dead.
622
00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:08,910
I shouldn't say that.
Don't think I'm a terrible person.
623
00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:12,310
Suppose she dies now,
and it's all my fault?
624
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:14,310
Close your eyes.
625
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:19,350
Open them.
626
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:27,760
Is that me?
627
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:31,030
Oh, my goodness.
628
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:35,510
Oh, Gracie. You're so talented.
629
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:42,830
I have spent my whole life trying
to make something out of nothing.
630
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:45,350
Don't take that personally, Catherine.
631
00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:49,190
But just once, I'd like
to have something to begin with.
632
00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:56,550
Christmas is such
a powerful time, isn't it?
633
00:47:56,760 --> 00:48:01,390
Gracie, let's make a wish. Hold my hand
and we'll make a Christmas wish.
634
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:03,350
Really, I mean it.
635
00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:06,280
I'll go first so
you won't be embarrassed.
636
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:11,830
If you say it out loud and
it doesn't come true, it's much worse.
637
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:13,520
But here we go.
638
00:48:15,240 --> 00:48:16,440
I wish
639
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:20,670
there was someone I cared for,
who cared for me.
640
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:25,910
There, I said it. Your turn.
641
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:31,590
I wish for my baby to have a better life.
642
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:34,260
- Love.
- Money.
643
00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:39,350
I should get back to the office.
644
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:42,950
Wait a second. Let's get some
Chinese food on the way.
645
00:49:16,040 --> 00:49:17,630
I don't think...
646
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:52,230
- Is it making you nervous?
- I'm not nervous at all.
647
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:17,710
Dancing with you
makes me feel all fluffy
648
00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:20,750
like I was dancing on a cloud.
649
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:26,150
I deal with all kinds of people in my work.
650
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:29,310
None of them are conventional.
And neither am I.
651
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:52,150
You're a marvellous dancer.
652
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:54,560
Thank you.
653
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:23,430
This is shocking. Completely shocking!
654
00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:27,030
- I'm suing you. Do you hear?
- For what?
655
00:51:27,240 --> 00:51:28,990
Withholding information,
656
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:31,590
psychic stress,
657
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:33,240
stupidity
658
00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:36,680
and obviously improper office behaviour.
659
00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:39,520
- Mrs Munchnik...
- I'm calling the L.A. Times.
660
00:51:39,720 --> 00:51:42,440
- I am calling them!
- They'll do a hatchet job.
661
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:47,430
- They'll do a puff piece on us.
- I may be temporarily jobless.
662
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:51,190
But you will be jobless for ever.
I will see to that.
663
00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:02,070
I was trying to be kind.
I wanted to figure out a way.
664
00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:03,910
We only need $5,000.
665
00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:07,630
That's practically your annual salary!
You are a failure.
666
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:10,910
- I will see to it that you stay that way.
- Mrs Munchnik!
667
00:52:11,120 --> 00:52:15,190
I suppose Catherine knew about this.
I suppose she was in cahoots.
668
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:19,510
That Catherine. She is the most
devious woman that I have ever met.
669
00:52:19,720 --> 00:52:23,190
Catherine is the kindest creature
on the face of the earth.
670
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:28,420
- Catherine wants to rip your clothes off.
- She does?
671
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:33,390
Under that mousy exterior,
lies smouldering lust.
672
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:41,270
- Really? She isn't speaking to me.
- I'm not at all surprised.
673
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:44,040
But before, she said
she'd pray for a miracle.
674
00:52:44,240 --> 00:52:48,750
That is pathetic. Do not walk me to my car.
675
00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:50,950
Stay right there.
676
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:54,390
Merry Christmas.
677
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:59,040
Merry Christmas. Say hello to
your dead sister's husband for me.
678
00:52:59,240 --> 00:53:04,190
My dead husband's sister,
if you don't mind.
679
00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:41,430
Are you crazy?!
680
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:45,230
This is all I do all day,
deal with nuts like you!
681
00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:52,940
Oh, my God, Catherine was right.
In person, I'm a disaster.
682
00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:58,670
I am so sorry. I really didn't mean it.
683
00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:04,470
Please, no apology is necessary.
I understand completely.
684
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:10,070
Goodbye.
685
00:54:28,960 --> 00:54:32,310
- When is the Automobile Club coming?
- In a half hour.
686
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:34,630
I used to be in the Club.
687
00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:37,400
They kicked me out for not having a car.
688
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:39,830
- They're a bit uptight.
- Catherine!
689
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:42,920
What have you done to yourself?
690
00:54:43,120 --> 00:54:45,760
- You've lost your identity.
- I have not.
691
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:48,750
- I'm hungry. I'll die.
- Are you about to eat?
692
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:51,350
Allow me to contribute a fruitcake.
693
00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:54,390
Serve it to that male colleague you admire
694
00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:59,510
who's upstairs dancing with
a strumpet while Lifesavers fails.
695
00:54:59,720 --> 00:55:03,070
- Our food's getting cold.
- Is Susan with him?
696
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:04,600
Hardly!
697
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:07,190
- Catherine, you look cool.
- Thank you.
698
00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:10,310
Could I come up and sing my song now?
699
00:55:10,520 --> 00:55:12,150
I'd like nothing more.
700
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:25,910
Catherine, is that... you?
701
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:31,230
I'll do you too, because you
and Catherine don't go together.
702
00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:36,640
- We've never gone together.
- You weren't together, but you matched.
703
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:39,350
Come on, Philip. Get up.
704
00:55:39,560 --> 00:55:40,960
I wanna match too.
705
00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:44,710
- I'll get to you in a second.
- What's he doing here?
706
00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:47,830
I invited him.
707
00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:51,030
- Don't you have someone here?
- I do not.
708
00:55:52,200 --> 00:55:55,510
- Someone left her cape.
- Someone left his cape.
709
00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:57,990
Really, Philip.
710
00:56:07,720 --> 00:56:10,310
- Where's Felix?
- He's at the hospital.
711
00:56:10,520 --> 00:56:16,590
- Oh, right.
- Felix is in the hospital
712
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:30,030
- As soon as we get into the unit.
- Let's go.
713
00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:57,200
To... Catherine
714
00:56:59,320 --> 00:57:01,390
I wonder whether your name
715
00:57:01,600 --> 00:57:05,670
Starts with a "C" or a "K"
716
00:57:05,880 --> 00:57:07,510
I wonder whether you prefer
717
00:57:07,720 --> 00:57:11,030
Almond Joy to Milky Way
718
00:57:11,240 --> 00:57:13,750
I wonder whether you sleep
719
00:57:13,960 --> 00:57:16,910
To the left or to the right
720
00:57:17,120 --> 00:57:19,350
I wonder who you think would win
721
00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:22,830
If me and Philip got into a fight
722
00:57:24,240 --> 00:57:28,310
So many things for me to wonder
723
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:32,190
So very pretty
724
00:57:32,400 --> 00:57:36,030
I wonder when Elliot Said goodbye to E.T.
725
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:38,830
Did you break down and cry
726
00:57:39,040 --> 00:57:42,790
I wonder if I gave you pudding,
eggs and flour
727
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:46,750
Could you make a Boston cream pie
728
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:50,030
I wonder if your eyes close
729
00:57:50,240 --> 00:57:54,230
When you come in for a kiss
730
00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:57,080
I wonder if we had a baby
731
00:57:57,280 --> 00:58:00,710
Would you object to having a bris
732
00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:06,110
So many things for me to wonder
733
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:12,000
I love grape jelly
734
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:15,430
That's it?
735
00:58:15,640 --> 00:58:19,390
It's a work in progress.
It may never be finished.
736
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:21,600
Oh, Louie.
737
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:27,390
That was so sweet of you, Louie.
738
00:58:27,600 --> 00:58:30,060
Would you mind passing the chow mein?
739
00:58:31,600 --> 00:58:35,350
No one ever wrote a song for me before.
I can't believe it.
740
00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:37,510
Who ate the water chestnuts?
741
00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:41,110
- I wrote it longhand.
- Where are the water chestnuts?
742
00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:43,590
It took me eight months. I quit my job.
743
00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:48,190
Presents that you make yourself
are always the most special.
744
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:51,990
- Where did this fruitcake come from?
- That weird lady.
745
00:58:54,640 --> 00:58:59,350
What ingratitude. I give her a gift
and she abandons it like it's nothing.
746
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:37,310
Look, there's the dog-hater.
747
00:59:39,200 --> 00:59:41,030
Mrs Munchnik?
748
00:59:45,680 --> 00:59:47,990
Mrs Munchnik, what can I do you for?
749
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:58,230
What is it? Tell me.
What can I do you for?
750
01:00:01,600 --> 01:00:04,430
That's just what my dead husband
used to say.
751
01:00:04,640 --> 01:00:05,640
What?
752
01:00:07,040 --> 01:00:08,790
"What can I do you for?"
753
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:23,270
I'll tell you what you can
do me for, Mr Lobel.
754
01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:43,110
On the beach! On the beach!
755
01:01:10,480 --> 01:01:13,790
It's dangerous to throw things
out of windows.
756
01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:15,670
I completely agree.
757
01:01:16,920 --> 01:01:20,550
Do you work here?
We're discussing office behaviour
758
01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:26,510
and since you don't work here
and we do, you cannot participate.
759
01:01:27,920 --> 01:01:30,870
Somebody's not in
the holiday mood, I guess.
760
01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:36,150
- Hello, Lifesavers.
- Is this Kentucky Fried Chicken?
761
01:01:39,320 --> 01:01:41,960
- The crazy person is back.
- What do you want?
762
01:01:42,160 --> 01:01:45,310
- Do you have any breasts?
- I forgot my cape.
763
01:01:47,200 --> 01:01:49,430
That's who you were dancing with?
764
01:01:49,640 --> 01:01:54,840
She insults me, too. If you don't have tits
like Dolly Parton, no one wants you.
765
01:01:55,040 --> 01:01:57,350
Thanks for the memories!
766
01:01:59,480 --> 01:02:03,670
Merry Christmas to all.
And to all, a good night!
767
01:02:06,680 --> 01:02:09,870
Oh, my God, Felix! What now?
768
01:02:12,040 --> 01:02:17,430
Gracie, come back to me, honey, please.
I can't live without you. I love you.
769
01:02:17,640 --> 01:02:20,310
We're in the middle of dinner right now.
770
01:02:20,520 --> 01:02:24,630
- Put that toy down instantly.
- You think this is a toy?
771
01:02:29,720 --> 01:02:32,910
Felix! What are you doing?
This is not funny!
772
01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:34,520
Don't make him nervous.
773
01:02:34,720 --> 01:02:37,630
Who wants to be first?
Who wants to be the hero?
774
01:02:37,840 --> 01:02:41,750
- He just gets upset.
- Because you're insane.
775
01:02:41,960 --> 01:02:45,950
Wait till I get home with you.
You are gonna have it!
776
01:02:46,160 --> 01:02:47,830
I love you!
777
01:02:48,040 --> 01:02:49,830
Gracie, make an effort.
778
01:02:50,040 --> 01:02:52,150
He loves you.
He just has trouble expressing it.
779
01:02:53,320 --> 01:02:55,630
You're supposed to protect me.
780
01:02:55,840 --> 01:02:58,990
This person will protect me, won't you?
781
01:03:03,440 --> 01:03:08,510
- You're gonna shoot a pregnant woman?
- No, I'm gonna shoot you.
782
01:03:09,480 --> 01:03:12,590
Mr Santa? Listen to me.
783
01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:16,470
This young woman has reason
to hate you. We all do.
784
01:03:16,720 --> 01:03:20,070
But that's no reason
to shoot someone, is it?
785
01:03:20,280 --> 01:03:22,280
So, please
786
01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:25,640
put the little pistol down.
787
01:03:25,840 --> 01:03:26,840
No.
788
01:03:39,080 --> 01:03:40,870
He shot my foot!
789
01:03:41,640 --> 01:03:45,680
- Felix, you are a maniac!
- Everybody blames me for everything.
790
01:03:45,880 --> 01:03:47,830
I can't look. Am I bleeding?
791
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:51,350
I'm going to bleed to death.
Someone call my mother.
792
01:03:51,560 --> 01:03:54,950
Don't touch me. I forbid you.
Just call a doctor.
793
01:03:55,160 --> 01:03:57,350
Stop pointing that gun at me!
794
01:03:57,560 --> 01:03:59,710
We have to stop playing with guns now.
795
01:03:59,920 --> 01:04:02,030
Don't just take it, empty it.
796
01:04:05,480 --> 01:04:09,190
- Gracie, what are you doing?
- I am emptying it.
797
01:04:10,000 --> 01:04:13,390
- I can't believe you.
- I'm sick of him. He's a nutcase.
798
01:04:13,640 --> 01:04:16,630
I'm protecting us from him.
799
01:04:40,880 --> 01:04:41,880
Yes?
800
01:04:49,360 --> 01:04:51,670
- It's Stanley.
- Who's Stanley?
801
01:04:51,880 --> 01:04:56,510
The landlord. I called him to fix
the elevator. I completely forgot.
802
01:04:56,720 --> 01:04:58,550
The elevator's fixed.
803
01:04:59,880 --> 01:05:02,990
- What's going on? Is everyone dead?
- Not everyone.
804
01:05:24,400 --> 01:05:27,950
- What's going on up there?
- Just a teeny, tiny accident.
805
01:05:28,160 --> 01:05:29,480
Just a weeny one.
806
01:05:29,680 --> 01:05:32,270
Keep it down. This isn't the Fourth of July.
807
01:05:32,480 --> 01:05:35,670
I know, I'm sorry. Won't happen again.
808
01:05:37,640 --> 01:05:39,190
We have to call the police.
809
01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:45,430
Dial 911. That's their number.
810
01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:52,150
They can't do anything. He's dead.
811
01:05:52,360 --> 01:05:57,270
Philip, I didn't mean to do it.
You're not gonna turn me in, are you?
812
01:05:58,280 --> 01:06:03,230
This is the Los Angeles police.
Hold on, your call is important to us.
813
01:06:05,000 --> 01:06:07,560
Oh, Philip, is this the miracle?
814
01:06:07,760 --> 01:06:12,230
The eviction will go through regardless.
This is not the miracle.
815
01:06:12,440 --> 01:06:13,760
What about me?
816
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:17,350
- Doesn't anyone care about me?
- I'll take care of her.
817
01:06:18,920 --> 01:06:20,240
I'm coming.
818
01:06:20,640 --> 01:06:24,630
- Catherine, are you OK?
- I can't breathe.
819
01:06:24,840 --> 01:06:26,510
I'm having trouble breathing.
820
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:29,670
I'm so cold.
821
01:06:31,840 --> 01:06:33,910
Catherine. Catherine?
822
01:06:35,360 --> 01:06:36,790
I am so cold!
823
01:06:37,000 --> 01:06:40,630
It's all right. Calm down.
Put your arms around me.
824
01:06:40,880 --> 01:06:43,550
Come on. Everything's gonna be OK.
825
01:06:43,800 --> 01:06:47,630
Easy, over the dead body.
I've got you, just relax.
826
01:06:47,880 --> 01:06:50,990
I've got you. Come on, I've got you.
827
01:06:57,760 --> 01:06:59,240
Oh, my God!
828
01:07:01,320 --> 01:07:03,270
That's just a little scratch.
829
01:07:03,520 --> 01:07:05,910
My God, my foot is completely numb.
830
01:07:06,120 --> 01:07:08,630
It's going to be very painful soon.
831
01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:12,670
- I'll get you some aspirin.
- Thank you.
832
01:07:12,920 --> 01:07:16,960
Or, better yet, I'll get you
some Tylenol with the codeine.
833
01:07:17,480 --> 01:07:19,190
Oh, no, no.
834
01:07:19,440 --> 01:07:22,390
Nuprin, that's the good stuff.
835
01:07:24,200 --> 01:07:29,110
I've got it: Luden's cough drops.
That'll be for me. I got a scratchy throat.
836
01:07:32,560 --> 01:07:35,950
Lean here, all right?
Just lock your knees.
837
01:07:36,160 --> 01:07:39,030
I'll run you a bath.
This time with water.
838
01:07:39,240 --> 01:07:41,350
- It'll make you feel better.
- OK.
839
01:07:42,120 --> 01:07:43,320
Hello?
840
01:07:44,480 --> 01:07:47,470
Hello? Is anyone there?
841
01:07:48,520 --> 01:07:50,310
I'm going to get gangrene.
842
01:07:52,080 --> 01:07:54,310
Would someone bring me a bandage?
843
01:07:54,560 --> 01:07:58,830
I'm not asking for the moon,
I'm just asking for a bandage.
844
01:07:59,040 --> 01:08:01,350
All right, just sit here, OK?
845
01:08:01,560 --> 01:08:03,550
OK? Are you all right?
846
01:08:04,520 --> 01:08:07,630
Hello? Where are you?
847
01:08:08,480 --> 01:08:11,040
I'll just get it myself.
848
01:08:28,640 --> 01:08:30,350
- Your bandage.
- Philip!
849
01:08:31,920 --> 01:08:34,230
Oh, my God! You broke my nose!
850
01:08:34,440 --> 01:08:35,760
- Philip!
- What?
851
01:08:35,960 --> 01:08:39,190
If you call the police,
my baby will be born in jail.
852
01:08:39,720 --> 01:08:41,390
It won't be born in jail.
853
01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:43,990
My nose is my best feature.
854
01:08:44,200 --> 01:08:47,590
- I'm sorry.
- Promise it won't be born in jail?
855
01:08:47,840 --> 01:08:49,840
I promise!
856
01:08:51,040 --> 01:08:53,190
My face is ruined!
857
01:08:55,080 --> 01:08:57,870
- Philip?
- Here's your bandage.
858
01:08:58,120 --> 01:09:00,990
- Hey, how's it going?
- Philip, help me.
859
01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:07,190
Do you want Gracie to undress you?
860
01:09:09,040 --> 01:09:10,710
Do you want me to help you?
861
01:09:35,720 --> 01:09:37,310
Something's happening.
862
01:09:39,080 --> 01:09:42,190
My heart is racing.
I feel all nervous and sick.
863
01:09:42,840 --> 01:09:46,350
That's the way I've felt
since the day I met you.
864
01:09:47,120 --> 01:09:49,680
Your sweater was buttoned
funny that day.
865
01:09:49,920 --> 01:09:53,880
One side stuck up higher
and poked up into your chin.
866
01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:58,550
- You remember that?
- I'll never forget it.
867
01:10:33,600 --> 01:10:36,790
What does it look like?
No, I don't wanna know.
868
01:10:37,040 --> 01:10:39,430
It's just a little larger than usual.
869
01:10:39,680 --> 01:10:41,870
The swelling will go down.
870
01:10:43,240 --> 01:10:47,020
It must be nice to have
your best feature be so prominent.
871
01:10:47,240 --> 01:10:48,950
My best feature's my hands.
872
01:10:49,200 --> 01:10:53,110
That's why I play the ukulele.
It gets your hands out there.
873
01:10:53,360 --> 01:10:57,910
- Are you a professional player?
- Oh, no. I'm a writer.
874
01:10:58,120 --> 01:11:00,950
- What do you write?
- T-shirts.
875
01:11:01,160 --> 01:11:02,430
Really?
876
01:11:03,160 --> 01:11:05,590
I wrote "Save the dolphins."
877
01:11:07,000 --> 01:11:10,110
Excuse me.
What do you mean, you wrote it?
878
01:11:10,360 --> 01:11:14,430
I wasn't the first to say it,
just to put it on a T-shirt.
879
01:11:15,800 --> 01:11:18,710
- Did you do "Life is a beach"?
- I wish.
880
01:11:18,920 --> 01:11:22,880
I met the guy who wrote that
at a party. He snubbed me.
881
01:11:33,480 --> 01:11:36,910
We haven't been properly introduced.
My name's Louie.
882
01:11:37,160 --> 01:11:38,360
Chris.
883
01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:41,200
Chris.
884
01:11:43,720 --> 01:11:46,710
Oh, Chris
885
01:11:46,810 --> 01:11:48,670
I wonder whether your name
886
01:11:48,880 --> 01:11:51,990
Starts with a "C" or a "K"
887
01:11:52,200 --> 01:11:56,310
I wonder if you have a skinny
Uncle Harry Or a fat Aunt Fay
888
01:11:56,520 --> 01:11:59,110
I wonder if you know
How good you look
889
01:11:59,320 --> 01:12:01,830
In those pantyhose
890
01:12:02,040 --> 01:12:04,710
If you're happy I didn't mention
891
01:12:04,920 --> 01:12:07,350
The things coming out of your nose
892
01:12:09,640 --> 01:12:12,630
So many things for me to wonder
893
01:12:26,720 --> 01:12:30,710
We could cut him up and wrap
him up as Christmas presents.
894
01:12:30,920 --> 01:12:32,910
Who would we give them to?
895
01:12:40,840 --> 01:12:42,830
- Check the peephole.
- There isn't one.
896
01:12:44,920 --> 01:12:46,710
Oh, how convenient.
897
01:12:47,920 --> 01:12:49,870
Philip, it's Susan.
898
01:12:51,160 --> 01:12:53,110
- What is it?
- I need to see Philip.
899
01:12:53,320 --> 01:12:55,150
I've made a terrible mistake.
900
01:12:55,360 --> 01:12:58,310
He's in the bath with Catherine.
Like to wait?
901
01:12:58,520 --> 01:13:01,870
- No.
- Good. There's enough going on here.
902
01:13:08,000 --> 01:13:11,270
If only we could
disguise him as something.
903
01:13:38,320 --> 01:13:42,430
Catherine was very distressed,
so I had to comfort her.
904
01:13:46,920 --> 01:13:48,670
Where's Stanley?
905
01:13:48,880 --> 01:13:51,670
Where is he?
What did you do with it?
906
01:13:53,160 --> 01:13:54,710
He's in the tree.
907
01:13:55,600 --> 01:13:56,950
In the tree?
908
01:13:57,800 --> 01:13:59,470
He is the tree.
909
01:13:59,680 --> 01:14:02,190
I wrapped him up
in those potato sacks.
910
01:14:03,200 --> 01:14:04,470
Oh, my God.
911
01:14:04,680 --> 01:14:07,790
They're burlap.
It's itchy, unless you're dead.
912
01:14:08,040 --> 01:14:11,470
We took branches off
the old tree and stuck them on.
913
01:14:11,720 --> 01:14:13,710
- How?
- Super Glue.
914
01:14:13,960 --> 01:14:17,590
It's the most amazing invention.
Pull on a branch.
915
01:14:17,840 --> 01:14:20,630
You could chin yourself on this tree.
916
01:14:21,520 --> 01:14:24,750
Fortunately, the guy had a good posture.
917
01:14:24,960 --> 01:14:26,870
I admire good posture.
918
01:14:27,080 --> 01:14:30,150
- Felix has lovely posture.
- Thank you, honey.
919
01:14:30,360 --> 01:14:34,240
Just as well we're out of business.
I'm incompetent, like Job.
920
01:14:34,440 --> 01:14:37,470
- Philip, really!
- All right, I'm not like Job.
921
01:14:37,680 --> 01:14:40,240
But look at me, pretending to save lives.
922
01:14:40,440 --> 01:14:42,550
There's nothing in the refrigerator.
923
01:14:42,760 --> 01:14:45,830
I couldn't save a life
if my life depended on it.
924
01:14:46,680 --> 01:14:49,270
We have been here for six years.
925
01:14:49,520 --> 01:14:52,710
And what do we have to show for it?
A dead body.
926
01:14:52,960 --> 01:14:55,830
Disguised as a Christmas tree.
927
01:14:56,040 --> 01:14:58,550
Thank you. Thank you for reminding me.
928
01:14:59,920 --> 01:15:03,470
- I got a plan.
- Felix always has a plan.
929
01:15:03,680 --> 01:15:06,030
I am so proud of you, honey.
930
01:15:09,520 --> 01:15:13,430
We take it downstairs.
We leave it on the boardwalk.
931
01:15:19,400 --> 01:15:20,750
- That's it?
- Yeah.
932
01:15:21,000 --> 01:15:23,950
- That's not a plan.
- What's wrong with it?
933
01:15:24,920 --> 01:15:27,640
A plan should have more than one part.
934
01:15:27,840 --> 01:15:31,590
It's supposed to go like,
"First we do this, then this."
935
01:15:31,800 --> 01:15:36,550
I don't appreciate you talking this way.
We're trying to help you out.
936
01:15:36,760 --> 01:15:39,270
Yeah. All right, you want a plan?
937
01:15:39,480 --> 01:15:41,190
First, we take it downstairs.
938
01:15:41,400 --> 01:15:44,510
Then we leave it on the boardwalk,
then we go home.
939
01:15:44,720 --> 01:15:47,910
We just leave it standing
like the city put it there.
940
01:15:48,120 --> 01:15:51,350
- And when the city takes it down?
- We're outta there.
941
01:15:51,560 --> 01:15:53,390
What's going on?
942
01:15:53,640 --> 01:15:58,550
They turned the landlord into a Xmas tree.
We're gonna leave it on the boardwalk.
943
01:15:58,760 --> 01:16:00,950
That's a good plan. We'll help.
944
01:16:02,760 --> 01:16:06,110
Be careful now.
Don't let the branches fall off.
945
01:16:06,320 --> 01:16:07,870
What about Stanley's bag?
946
01:16:08,080 --> 01:16:10,830
Leave it under the tree
and let somebody swipe it.
947
01:16:11,040 --> 01:16:12,710
Only some of us should go.
948
01:16:12,920 --> 01:16:15,310
- I'm going.
- OK, the two of us.
949
01:16:15,520 --> 01:16:16,950
We wanna go, too.
950
01:16:17,160 --> 01:16:19,110
- We made it.
- OK, four.
951
01:16:19,320 --> 01:16:23,230
- I promise not to attract attention.
- Six, but that's it.
952
01:16:23,440 --> 01:16:26,710
- We should try to act jolly.
- I'll sing.
953
01:16:50,120 --> 01:16:54,390
If you get all weird this Christmas
Scooby-dooby-doo, plop-plop fizz
954
01:16:54,600 --> 01:16:59,350
We could really use your business
Scooby-dooby-doo, let's eat Cheez Whiz
955
01:17:02,920 --> 01:17:05,430
- Philip! Catherine!
- Merry Christmas!
956
01:17:05,640 --> 01:17:09,390
Dismantling the office?
Where are you going with our tree?
957
01:17:09,600 --> 01:17:13,910
- It's not our tree, really.
- It is too our tree.
958
01:17:14,120 --> 01:17:17,550
I recognise the red cellophane thingy.
959
01:17:17,760 --> 01:17:20,550
Keep those mutts away
from my tree, please.
960
01:17:20,760 --> 01:17:23,270
- May I?
- By all means, Blanche.
961
01:17:23,480 --> 01:17:27,360
Here doggies. There's a good girl.
Come to Mommy.
962
01:17:27,560 --> 01:17:30,550
Yes, what a good girl.
What a good puppy.
963
01:17:30,760 --> 01:17:32,790
They definitely did it.
964
01:18:11,560 --> 01:18:14,950
Oh, my God! It's the rollerbladers!
It's them!
965
01:18:15,200 --> 01:18:16,630
It's the tree-haters!
966
01:18:16,880 --> 01:18:20,230
- Let's get them!
- Your tree is history!
967
01:18:20,480 --> 01:18:22,830
- Watch out!
- Out of the way!
968
01:18:23,080 --> 01:18:25,670
- You ruined our Christmas!
- No!
969
01:18:25,880 --> 01:18:27,200
Look out!
970
01:18:27,440 --> 01:18:30,390
Merry Christmas from
Doug and Carol Ferguson!
971
01:19:00,520 --> 01:19:03,670
We've got one dead body
at 517 Ocean Park Walk.
972
01:19:03,880 --> 01:19:07,630
Request for the homicide unit
to respond.
973
01:19:07,840 --> 01:19:09,240
What happened?
974
01:19:11,520 --> 01:19:13,920
Who is this?
975
01:19:14,800 --> 01:19:17,910
Who knows what happened?
976
01:19:18,120 --> 01:19:19,120
I do.
977
01:19:21,200 --> 01:19:24,430
Our landlord Stanley Tannenbaum
has committed suicide
978
01:19:24,640 --> 01:19:27,510
out of guilt over
his condominium conversion.
979
01:19:27,720 --> 01:19:31,390
And these two incompetent people,
but never mind
980
01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:34,470
were so tormented
that they couldn't prevent it
981
01:19:34,680 --> 01:19:37,590
that they tried to hide it from the world.
982
01:19:39,400 --> 01:19:42,270
Actually, that's not what happened.
983
01:19:42,480 --> 01:19:44,480
Obviously.
984
01:19:44,800 --> 01:19:47,630
What happened was...
985
01:19:47,840 --> 01:19:49,950
It was Christmas Eve
986
01:19:50,160 --> 01:19:53,990
and Felix just happened to drop by
987
01:19:54,200 --> 01:19:57,830
- with his gun.
- Who is Felix?
988
01:20:01,680 --> 01:20:05,460
All right, I'm Felix. I did it.
989
01:20:05,680 --> 01:20:09,110
Spread your legs,
put your hands behind your back.
990
01:20:09,320 --> 01:20:12,750
Just because he's an ex-con,
you blame it on Felix.
991
01:20:13,000 --> 01:20:14,710
- Well, officer...
- Don't!
992
01:20:14,960 --> 01:20:18,310
Here's your big murder weapon. I did it!
993
01:20:34,680 --> 01:20:37,110
Santa! Mommy, it's Santa!
994
01:20:38,800 --> 01:20:41,310
Felix, what are you doing?
995
01:20:41,520 --> 01:20:43,590
I can't live without you, Gracie!
996
01:20:43,800 --> 01:20:47,550
If you go to jail,
I might as well be dead!
997
01:20:47,760 --> 01:20:49,470
Everybody move back!
998
01:20:49,680 --> 01:20:53,310
Move back immediately.
We have a dangerous condition.
999
01:20:53,520 --> 01:20:56,750
Felix, it was an accident.
They're not gonna convict me.
1000
01:20:56,960 --> 01:21:00,550
- Now, come down!
- But what if they do?
1001
01:21:00,760 --> 01:21:03,750
I can't take a chance
on the criminal justice system.
1002
01:21:03,960 --> 01:21:07,190
I went to jail for nothing.
They could do it to you.
1003
01:21:07,400 --> 01:21:08,950
No, stop!
1004
01:21:09,160 --> 01:21:12,790
You've got to do something.
You've got to save him.
1005
01:21:14,040 --> 01:21:17,750
Felix, I forgive you
for shooting me in the foot.
1006
01:21:17,960 --> 01:21:20,070
- I don't care!
- OK.
1007
01:21:21,640 --> 01:21:24,150
Felix, stop! Listen to me!
1008
01:21:28,640 --> 01:21:31,670
Don't you want to spend Christmas
with your baby?
1009
01:21:31,880 --> 01:21:34,830
Don't you wanna see him
open his first present?
1010
01:21:36,840 --> 01:21:39,150
What was your first present, Felix?
1011
01:21:40,000 --> 01:21:41,600
Hubcaps.
1012
01:21:44,120 --> 01:21:46,430
Now I can't even afford hubcaps.
1013
01:21:46,640 --> 01:21:50,190
Felix, you know something?
1014
01:21:50,400 --> 01:21:52,390
You're not upset because you're broke.
1015
01:21:52,600 --> 01:21:54,910
- I'm not?
- No.
1016
01:21:55,120 --> 01:21:59,190
Or because you're an artist
without a place to paint.
1017
01:21:59,440 --> 01:22:01,270
- I'm not?
- No.
1018
01:22:02,400 --> 01:22:04,790
Or because the woman you love
1019
01:22:05,000 --> 01:22:08,270
may go to jail for a very long time.
1020
01:22:08,480 --> 01:22:11,550
- I'm not?
- No.
1021
01:22:13,000 --> 01:22:16,960
You're upset because it's Christmas.
1022
01:22:17,160 --> 01:22:21,430
Christmas is a time when you look at
your life through a magnifying glass
1023
01:22:21,640 --> 01:22:24,990
and whatever you don't have
feels overwhelming.
1024
01:22:25,200 --> 01:22:29,270
Being alone is so much
lonelier at Christmas.
1025
01:22:29,480 --> 01:22:33,550
Everything sad is so much
sadder at Christmas.
1026
01:22:33,760 --> 01:22:38,030
You can't give into it! I thought today
was going to be my worst day.
1027
01:22:38,240 --> 01:22:41,630
But then something wonderful
and unexpected happened.
1028
01:22:41,840 --> 01:22:44,350
First something horrible happened.
1029
01:22:44,560 --> 01:22:49,790
Actually, three horrible things happened,
but then something wonderful.
1030
01:22:52,840 --> 01:22:55,230
The holidays aren't over yet, Felix.
1031
01:22:55,440 --> 01:22:59,710
They're not over for you
and not over for Gracie. Who knows?
1032
01:22:59,920 --> 01:23:01,920
Who knows?
1033
01:23:02,640 --> 01:23:04,630
There's magic at Christmas.
1034
01:23:04,840 --> 01:23:09,750
And I'll bet, if you come down,
you'll find that out.
1035
01:23:15,360 --> 01:23:17,920
I love you, Felix.
1036
01:23:22,080 --> 01:23:24,590
I love you so much, Gracie.
1037
01:23:28,240 --> 01:23:31,950
Come on down, Felix.
It's almost midnight.
1038
01:23:47,560 --> 01:23:48,760
Bravo!
1039
01:23:58,200 --> 01:24:02,750
We'll have a van here in a few minutes
and we'll take you all down to the station.
1040
01:24:02,960 --> 01:24:06,070
This bag belongs to Stanley.
1041
01:24:14,560 --> 01:24:19,310
- Brian.
- What've you got here, Rizzo?
1042
01:24:19,520 --> 01:24:21,910
FP 242, notify watch commander.
1043
01:24:22,120 --> 01:24:24,630
- Where'd you get this?
- Take a guess.
1044
01:24:26,120 --> 01:24:28,510
Gracie Barzini?
1045
01:24:28,720 --> 01:24:33,630
Yes. I'm ready.
You can take me away now.
1046
01:24:33,840 --> 01:24:38,350
Congratulations.
You have killed the Seaside Strangler.
1047
01:24:38,560 --> 01:24:39,560
What?
1048
01:24:40,480 --> 01:24:42,230
Fishing twine and kelp.
1049
01:24:42,440 --> 01:24:45,110
- You're kidding!
- Stanley's the Strangler?
1050
01:24:45,320 --> 01:24:49,390
I killed the Seaside Strangler!
How brilliant is that?
1051
01:24:49,600 --> 01:24:53,350
- Isn't there a reward?
- There's a $250,000 reward.
1052
01:25:00,560 --> 01:25:03,070
I'm the luckiest girl in the world!
1053
01:25:03,280 --> 01:25:07,240
I could pay for your moving expenses.
How much do you need?
1054
01:25:07,440 --> 01:25:12,390
- Only $5,000!
- $5,000?
1055
01:25:12,600 --> 01:25:13,600
Fine!
1056
01:25:15,600 --> 01:25:18,390
I'm so happy, Catherine!
1057
01:25:18,600 --> 01:25:23,350
Thank you. What can I give you?
How could I possibly thank you?
1058
01:25:23,560 --> 01:25:24,830
I know.
1059
01:25:28,120 --> 01:25:29,600
A fruitcake.
1060
01:25:29,800 --> 01:25:31,600
I'm rich!
1061
01:25:35,080 --> 01:25:36,480
Oh, no!
1062
01:25:36,760 --> 01:25:38,670
- What is it?
- My goodness!
1063
01:25:38,880 --> 01:25:41,870
- What's the matter?
- My water just broke.
1064
01:25:42,080 --> 01:25:44,470
- We have plenty of time.
- No, I'm having it.
1065
01:25:44,680 --> 01:25:47,430
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure!
1066
01:25:47,640 --> 01:25:49,870
- Dr Kinsky will help us!
- What?
1067
01:25:50,080 --> 01:25:53,190
- She's having the baby!
- I'm having the baby!
1068
01:25:53,400 --> 01:25:54,910
Over by the tree.
1069
01:25:55,120 --> 01:25:57,550
- By the tree.
- Please help.
1070
01:25:57,760 --> 01:26:01,390
Lift up my leg, you moron!
1071
01:26:01,600 --> 01:26:06,070
Out of the way! Get out of the way!
1072
01:26:07,520 --> 01:26:10,870
- Right here.
- All right! Breathe!
1073
01:26:11,080 --> 01:26:13,990
OK, you're doing great. All right.
1074
01:26:14,200 --> 01:26:16,790
- I'm having it!
- I know. Relax, take it easy.
1075
01:26:17,000 --> 01:26:19,870
- Everything's gonna be fine.
- It'll come out, right?
1076
01:26:20,080 --> 01:26:21,870
You're in good hands.
1077
01:26:22,080 --> 01:26:24,310
I've done this hundreds of times.
1078
01:26:24,520 --> 01:26:29,390
- Aren't you a veterinarian?
- Yes, but it's the same basic concept.
1079
01:26:29,600 --> 01:26:31,830
- Relax and breathe.
- I'm not relaxed!
1080
01:26:32,040 --> 01:26:36,630
- Then just be anxious and breathe.
- That's it. It's starting to come.
1081
01:26:36,840 --> 01:26:39,430
- A little breathing.
- You're telling me!
1082
01:26:39,640 --> 01:26:43,790
All right. Here we go. Another contraction,
then give me a big push.
1083
01:26:44,000 --> 01:26:48,430
- There we go. Look, I can see...
- Would you shut up?
1084
01:26:48,640 --> 01:26:51,030
Give me another big push.
1085
01:26:54,400 --> 01:26:56,350
It's starting to come.
1086
01:26:56,560 --> 01:26:58,670
Another big push.
1087
01:26:58,880 --> 01:27:00,280
My God!
1088
01:27:29,000 --> 01:27:30,830
It's Christmas.
1089
01:27:33,640 --> 01:27:35,350
Merry Christmas!
1090
01:27:36,840 --> 01:27:38,550
Merry Christmas.
1091
01:27:51,600 --> 01:27:53,630
What shall we do for Christmas?
1092
01:27:54,480 --> 01:27:57,040
I don't know. What shall we do?
1093
01:28:00,200 --> 01:28:01,790
Let's get married.
1094
01:28:05,880 --> 01:28:07,990
This is the miracle.
1095
01:28:10,360 --> 01:28:13,110
Merry Christmas!
1096
01:28:13,960 --> 01:28:16,790
Merry Christmas!