1
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:34,748
So that's what you look like.

2
00:00:34,749 --> 00:00:39,418
You ugly, horrible... go on!

3
00:00:39,419 --> 00:00:41,007
Try your intellect on me!

4
00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:42,717
I'll see you in hell first!

5
00:00:46,099 --> 00:00:46,838
No!

6
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:47,837
Stop!

7
00:00:51,877 --> 00:00:54,296
Call off your troops.

8
00:00:54,297 --> 00:00:55,296
Cease firing.

9
00:01:07,645 --> 00:01:09,974
He acted like he knew him.

10
00:01:09,975 --> 00:01:11,624
He did.

11
00:01:11,625 --> 00:01:15,893
He learned almost too late that
man is a feeling creature,

12
00:01:15,894 --> 00:01:19,523
and because of it, the
greatest in the universe.

13
00:01:19,524 --> 00:01:25,652
There is hope, but it has
to come from man himself.

14
00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:26,652
I have to go.

15
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,651
I'm gonna eat now.

16
00:01:28,652 --> 00:01:30,153
Hold on just a second.

17
00:01:37,522 --> 00:01:38,521
Hello, darling.

18
00:01:38,521 --> 00:01:39,391
It's me again.

19
00:01:39,392 --> 00:01:45,240
Yours truly, Elvira, the gal
with the enormous, uh, ratings.

20
00:01:45,241 --> 00:01:47,519
Well, that's our show.

21
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:51,818
I hope you enjoyed watching
it as much as I did.

22
00:01:53,210 --> 00:01:53,909
Oh, boy.

23
00:01:53,910 --> 00:01:56,067
I mean, could you believe
that cheesy looking monster?

24
00:01:56,094 --> 00:01:58,518
Looked like Gumby on steroids.

25
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:01,189
Well, at least the
movie had a moral.

26
00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:08,665
Hey, does anybody know
what that movie was about?

27
00:02:08,692 --> 00:02:10,286
Uh, I'll tell you
what it was about.

28
00:02:10,287 --> 00:02:14,336
It was about an hour
and a half too long.

29
00:02:14,337 --> 00:02:16,625
Oh, and, uh, don't
forget, next week, it's.

30
00:02:16,626 --> 00:02:19,944
The Head With Two Things... I
mean, The Thing With Two Heads.

31
00:02:19,945 --> 00:02:24,524
And until then, this is Elvira,
the gal who put the boob back

32
00:02:24,525 --> 00:02:28,315
in the boob tube, saying
unpleasant dreams.

33
00:02:36,544 --> 00:02:39,543
Hey, put me down, will you?

34
00:02:44,872 --> 00:02:48,591
Is there anything that
could possibly shame you?

35
00:02:48,592 --> 00:02:51,151
Yeah, wearing this in a
public place might do it.

36
00:02:51,152 --> 00:02:52,151
Ha!

37
00:02:54,701 --> 00:02:56,300
Get it, girlfriend.

38
00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,241
You got your news and counting.

39
00:03:00,651 --> 00:03:01,650
Hey, Elvira.

40
00:03:01,650 --> 00:03:02,350
Not now, Rudy.

41
00:03:02,351 --> 00:03:03,849
Wait a sec, wait a sec.

42
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,948
See... see that guy over there?

43
00:03:05,949 --> 00:03:07,858
What, the lard bucket
in the 10 gallon hat?

44
00:03:07,859 --> 00:03:10,528
Yes, that's the
station's new owner.

45
00:03:10,529 --> 00:03:13,298
From the edge of the sea to
the end of the valley, you...

46
00:03:13,299 --> 00:03:13,998
What?

47
00:03:13,999 --> 00:03:16,727
Shut up!

48
00:03:16,728 --> 00:03:19,687
This guy's, OK?

49
00:03:19,688 --> 00:03:25,596
Mr. Hooter, this is, uh, Elvira.

50
00:03:25,597 --> 00:03:29,496
Name's Earl, but the ladies
back home call me Longhorn.

51
00:03:29,497 --> 00:03:32,635
Maybe you can guess why.

52
00:03:32,636 --> 00:03:33,675
Gee, I don't know.

53
00:03:33,676 --> 00:03:36,285
Does it have anything
to do with your breath?

54
00:03:36,286 --> 00:03:39,514
Why don't we let this little
filly get herself gussied up?

55
00:03:39,515 --> 00:03:42,534
The sooner I get in the
saddle, the better.

56
00:03:42,535 --> 00:03:46,314
Well, sorry, partner, but it
looks like it's gonna be you

57
00:03:46,315 --> 00:03:48,713
and your trusty old right hand.

58
00:03:48,714 --> 00:03:50,373
Sounds like you're looking to get

59
00:03:50,374 --> 00:03:52,403
yourself fired, little lady.

60
00:03:52,404 --> 00:03:53,812
Go ahead and fire me.

61
00:03:53,813 --> 00:03:56,582
I need this job like a leper
needs a three way mirror.

62
00:03:56,583 --> 00:04:00,382
It just so happens I have an
act opening up in Las Vegas.

63
00:04:00,383 --> 00:04:01,771
Well, terrific.

64
00:04:01,772 --> 00:04:03,711
You can try your act out on me.

65
00:04:03,712 --> 00:04:05,271
It's milkin' time!

66
00:04:07,222 --> 00:04:08,192
That's it!

67
00:04:08,192 --> 00:04:09,162
I'm walking!

68
00:04:09,163 --> 00:04:10,721
I don't have to take
this from anybody.

69
00:04:10,748 --> 00:04:12,660
And as for you, you
cretinous cowpoke...

70
00:04:12,661 --> 00:04:14,989
Whoa, whoa, she's got Hooter!

71
00:04:14,990 --> 00:04:17,250
Somebody on the floor
get her out of there!

72
00:04:17,251 --> 00:04:19,569
Within so much as 10 feet of me,

73
00:04:19,570 --> 00:04:23,878
and I'm gonna tie your
weenie in a granny knot!

74
00:04:23,879 --> 00:04:25,978
You said she was a nymph o!

75
00:04:25,979 --> 00:04:27,408
Come on, will you?

76
00:04:27,409 --> 00:04:29,777
Not the ball game!

77
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,417
You can't quit!

78
00:04:32,418 --> 00:04:33,388
What's the big deal?

79
00:04:33,389 --> 00:04:35,117
Soon as my show opens in Las Vegas,

80
00:04:35,118 --> 00:04:37,527
I'll never have to host one
of those crap-o horror movies

81
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:39,177
again.

82
00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:40,896
There's no problem with
the show, is there?

83
00:04:40,923 --> 00:04:44,586
Problem?
Complications, maybe,

84
00:04:44,587 --> 00:04:45,507
but never a problem.

85
00:04:45,508 --> 00:04:47,365
All right, out with it, Manny.

86
00:04:47,366 --> 00:04:51,735
OK, the Flamingo won't... it
won't go ahead with the show

87
00:04:51,736 --> 00:04:54,004
unless you come up with some
money to help finance it.

88
00:04:54,005 --> 00:04:56,274
Well, how much do they want?

89
00:04:56,275 --> 00:04:58,094
$50,000.

90
00:04:58,095 --> 00:04:59,494
$50,000?

91
00:04:59,495 --> 00:05:01,833
Are you nuts?

92
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:04,343
Where am I going to come up
with that kind of money?

93
00:05:04,344 --> 00:05:07,263
Maybe it's not too late
to get your job back.

94
00:05:07,264 --> 00:05:07,963
Forget it, Manny.

95
00:05:07,964 --> 00:05:11,053
I'm never working for
that sleaze ball again.

96
00:05:11,054 --> 00:05:13,462
I'll just have to find
another sleaze ball.

97
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:18,082
Oh, telegram for Miss Elvira.

98
00:05:18,083 --> 00:05:19,082
I'll take it.

99
00:05:22,951 --> 00:05:26,000
Dear Elvira, as executor of the
estate of your great aunt Miss.

100
00:05:26,001 --> 00:05:27,610
Morgana Talbot, I'm sorry to inform

101
00:05:27,611 --> 00:05:31,040
you of her untimely passing.

102
00:05:31,041 --> 00:05:33,439
Whoa, I didn't even
know I had a good aunt,

103
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:34,320
much less a great one.

104
00:05:34,321 --> 00:05:37,579
Let me see that.

105
00:05:37,580 --> 00:05:40,137
It says here all I have to do is
come to Fallwell, Massachusetts

106
00:05:40,138 --> 00:05:42,596
for the reading of the will and
I'll pick up my inheritance!

107
00:05:42,597 --> 00:05:44,768
Is that timing, or what?

108
00:05:49,688 --> 00:05:54,337
And lastly, to my
enchanting niece, Elvira,

109
00:05:54,338 --> 00:05:57,386
who has unflinchingly withstood
the slings and arrows

110
00:05:57,387 --> 00:06:04,056
of an imperfect world without so
much as a whimper or complaint,

111
00:06:04,057 --> 00:06:08,694
I bequeath my entire fortune.

112
00:06:12,355 --> 00:06:16,723
Let's show Elvira exactly
what she's inherited!

113
00:06:21,704 --> 00:06:25,872
Elvira, you are going to start
with something that dreams are

114
00:06:25,873 --> 00:06:29,042
made of... a beautiful
new sailboat!

115
00:06:29,043 --> 00:06:36,091
You're going to sail away in a
sporty Sunchaser II from Stark!

116
00:06:36,092 --> 00:06:37,351
And that's not all.

117
00:06:37,352 --> 00:06:39,810
When you're tired
of sailing, you'll

118
00:06:39,811 --> 00:06:42,830
drive home in this brand
new Jeep Wrangler!

119
00:06:42,831 --> 00:06:45,600
I needed one of those!

120
00:06:45,601 --> 00:06:48,120
And you'll sit down to dinner
at this beautiful 10-piece

121
00:06:48,121 --> 00:06:50,719
dining room suite from
American Heritage!

122
00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:59,018
And on top... on top
of all of that, money!

123
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,459
Lots and lots of money!

124
00:07:07,308 --> 00:07:08,776
Elvira.

125
00:07:08,777 --> 00:07:11,706
Elvira, are you all right?

126
00:07:11,707 --> 00:07:13,265
Go ahead and call
the Flamingo, Manny.

127
00:07:13,292 --> 00:07:15,406
Tell them I'll have
the $50,000 as soon

128
00:07:15,407 --> 00:07:17,466
as I get back from Massachusetts.

129
00:07:17,466 --> 00:07:20,305
Las Vegas, here I come.

130
00:07:44,713 --> 00:07:46,203
Hop in, sailor.

131
00:08:01,141 --> 00:08:04,130
Here, you forgot your axe.

132
00:08:35,276 --> 00:08:39,285
You know you were doing 50
in a 25 mile per hour zone?

133
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:39,986
Um, no.

134
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:43,795
But if you hum a few bars,
I'll fake it.

135
00:08:49,065 --> 00:08:51,463
I gotta get a new joke.

136
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:52,743
This one's costing me a fortune.

137
00:09:20,340 --> 00:09:22,400
Hey, how about some gas?

138
00:09:32,089 --> 00:09:33,088
Fuck this.

139
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:16,083
You know, those
things will kill you.

140
00:10:19,013 --> 00:10:20,973
Have a nice day.

141
00:12:04,748 --> 00:12:06,807
I can make darn sure
he doesn't get it.

142
00:12:06,808 --> 00:12:08,368
I have my ways, you know.

143
00:12:19,626 --> 00:12:21,126
Well!

144
00:12:21,127 --> 00:12:23,565
Oh!

145
00:12:23,566 --> 00:12:25,295
Well, I never.

146
00:12:25,296 --> 00:12:28,764
Yeah, and you never will with
them soup cans on your head.

147
00:12:28,765 --> 00:12:30,824
Listen, young lady, I
don't know who you are

148
00:12:30,825 --> 00:12:32,843
or where you came
from, but you most

149
00:12:32,844 --> 00:12:34,763
certainly don't fit in this town.

150
00:12:34,764 --> 00:12:38,034
Why, you don't even
fit in that dress.

151
00:12:38,035 --> 00:12:40,143
Listen, sister, if I
want your opinion,

152
00:12:40,144 --> 00:12:41,973
I'll beat it out of you.

153
00:12:41,974 --> 00:12:42,903
Oh!

154
00:12:42,904 --> 00:12:44,753
Anita!

155
00:12:44,754 --> 00:12:47,662
It's the Antichrist, I
tell you, the Antichrist!

156
00:12:47,663 --> 00:12:49,962
Can someone tell me where
there's a garage around here?

157
00:12:49,963 --> 00:12:50,662
Yeah, yeah.

158
00:12:50,663 --> 00:12:52,871
There's one right up the street.

159
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:54,591
Oh.

160
00:12:54,592 --> 00:12:58,081
Well, uh, would one of
you big, strong men

161
00:12:58,082 --> 00:12:59,611
mind giving me a little push?

162
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:07,051
Easy, easy.

163
00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:08,540
Don't scratch the paint.

164
00:13:15,519 --> 00:13:16,588
She's incredible.

165
00:13:16,589 --> 00:13:18,018
Man, what I wouldn't do for just

166
00:13:18,019 --> 00:13:19,098
one peek at those gazongas.

167
00:13:19,125 --> 00:13:21,477
They're unreal.

168
00:13:21,478 --> 00:13:22,388
Oh, great.

169
00:13:22,389 --> 00:13:24,637
That means I'm stuck
in this hellhole.

170
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:26,987
I mean, this quaint
little hellhole.

171
00:13:26,988 --> 00:13:30,037
Uh, listen, is there a motel
or something around here?

172
00:13:30,038 --> 00:13:32,815
Well, there's the Cozy
Cot down by the Widow.

173
00:13:32,816 --> 00:13:34,416
Bishop's feed store.

174
00:13:34,417 --> 00:13:35,765
Course, her son sort of took that

175
00:13:35,766 --> 00:13:39,155
over after she had that
spell of gingivitis.

176
00:13:39,156 --> 00:13:41,075
Her whole mouth swole up.

177
00:13:41,076 --> 00:13:43,904
Looked like she ate
a box of staples.

178
00:13:43,905 --> 00:13:45,543
Folks were saying she
got it from kissing

179
00:13:45,570 --> 00:13:46,890
that old dog of hers.

180
00:13:50,275 --> 00:13:51,274
Nice tits.

181
00:14:04,652 --> 00:14:05,651
Yoo-hoo!

182
00:14:10,292 --> 00:14:12,442
Can I get a room?

183
00:14:16,671 --> 00:14:17,830
Sorry, we're booked solid.

184
00:14:17,831 --> 00:14:20,021
So how come it says
vacancy out there?

185
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:28,548
Look, we do have a room.

186
00:14:28,549 --> 00:14:30,149
Remember the trucker
with the bad skin

187
00:14:30,150 --> 00:14:31,348
that checked out this morning?

188
00:14:31,375 --> 00:14:32,009
Ew.

189
00:14:32,010 --> 00:14:33,469
I hope you changed the sheets.

190
00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:40,856
Hi.

191
00:14:40,857 --> 00:14:45,017
Is that makeup I see on
your face, young lady?

192
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:45,927
No, ma'am.

193
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,895
I mean, yes, ma'am.

194
00:14:47,896 --> 00:14:49,096
Well, just a little.

195
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:50,755
How many times have
I told you, you're

196
00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:52,565
too young to wear makeup!

197
00:14:52,566 --> 00:14:54,085
Now, mother, I don't think...

198
00:14:54,086 --> 00:14:55,295
Shut up, Wesley!

199
00:14:55,296 --> 00:14:57,014
But grandma, all the
other girls at school

200
00:14:57,015 --> 00:14:57,714
are wearing makeup!

201
00:14:57,715 --> 00:15:00,175
And if all the other girls
at school jumped off a cliff,

202
00:15:00,176 --> 00:15:01,985
would you jump off a cliff?

203
00:15:01,986 --> 00:15:02,825
All right!

204
00:15:02,826 --> 00:15:04,214
And you don't have the sense
that you were born with.

205
00:15:04,215 --> 00:15:06,533
You have...

206
00:15:06,534 --> 00:15:08,934
I hate to interrupt this
little episode of The Waltons,

207
00:15:08,935 --> 00:15:11,543
but can I get a room?

208
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:15,073
OK, but it's cash up front.

209
00:15:15,074 --> 00:15:17,592
I know what you pinko heavy metal

210
00:15:17,593 --> 00:15:20,751
weirdos do to motel rooms.

211
00:15:20,752 --> 00:15:22,481
Read all about in The Star.

212
00:15:22,482 --> 00:15:25,101
I'll, uh, show the
lady to her room.

213
00:15:25,102 --> 00:15:26,101
Oh no you don't.

214
00:15:34,750 --> 00:15:37,030
Hey, don't let them get you down.

215
00:15:37,031 --> 00:15:38,889
I used to get the same
line about makeup

216
00:15:38,890 --> 00:15:40,128
from the nuns at the orphanage.

217
00:15:40,155 --> 00:15:42,908
Course, I was only eight.

218
00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:44,718
Uh, I'm Elvira.

219
00:15:44,719 --> 00:15:47,049
I'm Robin.

220
00:15:47,050 --> 00:15:51,098
So, um, Robin, what's there to
do for fun around here, anyway?

221
00:15:51,099 --> 00:15:52,767
This town isn't real big on fun.

222
00:15:52,768 --> 00:15:53,468
Mm.

223
00:15:53,469 --> 00:15:56,207
Well, there is one
place that's open.

224
00:15:56,208 --> 00:15:57,457
The bowling alley.

225
00:15:57,458 --> 00:15:59,826
That gets real wild
on league night.

226
00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:02,127
Gee, I think I can handle it.

227
00:16:10,856 --> 00:16:13,864
Oh, I am so sure.

228
00:16:13,865 --> 00:16:15,834
They must think we're
really stupid.

229
00:16:15,835 --> 00:16:17,633
They're gonna kill
Spider-Man with plutonium?

230
00:16:17,660 --> 00:16:19,903
He's got radioactive blood.

231
00:16:19,904 --> 00:16:21,934
Yeah?

232
00:16:21,935 --> 00:16:25,453
Let me see that.

233
00:16:25,454 --> 00:16:28,423
Hey, man, what'd you do that for?

234
00:16:28,424 --> 00:16:29,423
Shut up.

235
00:16:35,852 --> 00:16:38,822
Look at what just walked in.

236
00:16:45,751 --> 00:16:48,800
Um, bloody Mary.

237
00:16:48,801 --> 00:16:50,330
No hard liquor served 8:00.

238
00:16:50,331 --> 00:16:52,799
Do you want a virgin?

239
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,090
Maybe, but I'll have a
couple of drinks first.

240
00:17:07,289 --> 00:17:09,257
Hey, baby.

241
00:17:09,258 --> 00:17:12,377
I got something to show you.

242
00:17:12,378 --> 00:17:13,078
Sorry.

243
00:17:13,079 --> 00:17:14,657
Left my magnifying glass at home.

244
00:17:17,467 --> 00:17:20,096
Hey, that's pretty good.

245
00:17:20,097 --> 00:17:24,126
Billy, that is no way
to talk to a lady.

246
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:27,105
So, how about a blow job?

247
00:17:46,214 --> 00:17:49,342
I bet you think that was
pretty funny, don't you?

248
00:17:49,343 --> 00:17:50,562
I enjoyed it.

249
00:17:50,563 --> 00:17:51,483
Yeah?

250
00:17:51,484 --> 00:17:53,701
Well, you're gonna
enjoy this even more.

251
00:17:53,702 --> 00:17:56,451
I cut you, man!

252
00:17:56,452 --> 00:17:58,860
She stabbed me!

253
00:17:58,861 --> 00:18:00,091
Faked you out.

254
00:18:00,092 --> 00:18:00,791
Yeah?

255
00:18:00,792 --> 00:18:02,440
Well, this ain't fake, baby!

256
00:18:02,441 --> 00:18:04,431
So stand still,
because I'm gonna...

257
00:18:07,411 --> 00:18:10,389
Oof!

258
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:13,889
Uh, my name's Elvira, but
you can call me tonight.

259
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:17,799
I'm Bob.

260
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,108
Bob Redding.

261
00:18:19,109 --> 00:18:21,438
Pleased to meet you.

262
00:18:21,439 --> 00:18:22,918
Look at this mess!

263
00:18:22,919 --> 00:18:24,357
Who the heck is gonna pay for it?

264
00:18:24,358 --> 00:18:25,129
It's all right, Patty.

265
00:18:25,130 --> 00:18:26,747
I'll take care of the damages.

266
00:18:26,748 --> 00:18:30,636
Seems to me it's all this
cheap little tart's fault.

267
00:18:30,637 --> 00:18:31,337
Cheap?

268
00:18:31,337 --> 00:18:32,208
Who are you calling cheap?

269
00:18:32,209 --> 00:18:33,856
What's that perfume you're wearing?

270
00:18:33,857 --> 00:18:35,436
Catch of the day?

271
00:18:35,437 --> 00:18:39,196
Look, honey, I don't know
which hole you crawled out of,

272
00:18:39,197 --> 00:18:40,956
but I suggest you crawl right back

273
00:18:40,957 --> 00:18:42,385
in if you know what's good for you.

274
00:18:42,386 --> 00:18:43,605
Yeah, yeah.

275
00:18:43,606 --> 00:18:44,496
You better watch out.

276
00:18:44,497 --> 00:18:46,654
You could put some of these
eyes out with them things.

277
00:18:50,025 --> 00:18:51,024
We better go.

278
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:57,264
It looks like you've got
some competition, Patty.

279
00:18:59,883 --> 00:19:03,853
Charlie, trash does not
compete with class.

280
00:19:07,093 --> 00:19:10,321
Right down the street,
at the Cozy Cot.

281
00:19:10,322 --> 00:19:12,281
Oh.

282
00:19:12,282 --> 00:19:14,131
So what brought you to Fallwell?

283
00:19:14,132 --> 00:19:14,962
Uh, my car.

284
00:19:17,441 --> 00:19:20,070
Uh, no, really, I'm here for
the reading of my great aunt.

285
00:19:20,071 --> 00:19:21,500
Morgana's will.

286
00:19:21,501 --> 00:19:23,230
Morgana Talbot?

287
00:19:23,231 --> 00:19:25,249
She's your aunt?

288
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:27,959
Yeah, it came as a
surprise to me, too.

289
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:31,339
I never really knew her, but
I sure admired her spunk.

290
00:19:31,340 --> 00:19:33,668
She never caved in the way
everybody else in this town

291
00:19:33,669 --> 00:19:35,158
has.

292
00:19:35,159 --> 00:19:38,657
Well, I don't want to bore
you with local politics.

293
00:19:38,658 --> 00:19:40,647
Go ahead.

294
00:19:40,648 --> 00:19:41,938
Bore me.

295
00:19:41,939 --> 00:19:42,848
OK.

296
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,866
We've got this town council
that lives in mortal

297
00:19:44,867 --> 00:19:48,556
fear that somewhere, somehow,
somebody in Fallwell

298
00:19:48,557 --> 00:19:49,517
is having a good time.

299
00:19:49,518 --> 00:19:50,736
Oh.

300
00:19:50,737 --> 00:19:52,055
Bunch of real preservatives, huh?

301
00:19:55,187 --> 00:19:56,615
I run the movie house.

302
00:19:56,616 --> 00:19:57,326
Oh, really?

303
00:19:57,327 --> 00:19:58,645
I'm in movies, too.

304
00:19:58,646 --> 00:20:02,784
Have you ever shown, uh,
um, "I Married Satan"?

305
00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:03,915
No.

306
00:20:03,916 --> 00:20:06,873
How about the sequel,
"I Married Satan 2"?

307
00:20:06,874 --> 00:20:08,563
No.

308
00:20:08,564 --> 00:20:10,823
Uh, hm.

309
00:20:10,824 --> 00:20:13,193
I, uh... I can only
play G rated movies.

310
00:20:13,194 --> 00:20:13,894
Oh.

311
00:20:13,895 --> 00:20:16,133
Well, I mean, there's nothing
wrong with G-rated movies,

312
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:19,003
as long as there's lots
of sex and violence.

313
00:20:19,004 --> 00:20:21,312
Um, hey, listen,
Bob, I'm only going

314
00:20:21,313 --> 00:20:23,272
to be in town for a couple of days,

315
00:20:23,273 --> 00:20:25,731
and I can't think of anyone who I'd

316
00:20:25,732 --> 00:20:26,983
rather squeeze into my agenda.

317
00:20:30,711 --> 00:20:32,152
Gee, that'd be swell.

318
00:20:53,909 --> 00:21:01,900
Oh, Mr. Talbot, your sister
was like a mother to me.

319
00:21:02,098 --> 00:21:04,356
She was a mother to me, too, dear.

320
00:21:04,357 --> 00:21:07,366
Well, now that we've dispensed
with the obligatory display

321
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:11,325
of bereavement, you may begin
the proceedings, Mr. Bigelow.

322
00:21:11,326 --> 00:21:15,025
Well, it was Mrs. Talbot's wish
to have all of her relatives

323
00:21:15,026 --> 00:21:16,465
present for the
reading of the will.

324
00:21:16,491 --> 00:21:19,244
All of her relatives are present.

325
00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:22,713
Me, myself, and I.

326
00:21:22,714 --> 00:21:26,024
Uh, well,
apparently Mrs.

327
00:21:26,025 --> 00:21:28,813
Talbot has a grand
niece Elvira, who

328
00:21:28,814 --> 00:21:31,133
is also one of the beneficiaries.

329
00:21:31,134 --> 00:21:32,243
That's impossible.

330
00:21:32,244 --> 00:21:33,652
Uh, well...

331
00:21:33,653 --> 00:21:37,622
Who is this grand niece?

332
00:21:37,623 --> 00:21:38,323
Hey, guys.

333
00:21:38,323 --> 00:21:39,093
Sorry I'm late.

334
00:21:39,094 --> 00:21:41,431
But then, so's my aunt.

335
00:21:41,432 --> 00:21:42,262
Hey, what did she die of?

336
00:21:42,263 --> 00:21:44,161
Nothing serious, I hope.

337
00:21:44,162 --> 00:21:45,381
Say, nice jacket.

338
00:21:45,382 --> 00:21:48,141
Who shot the couch?

339
00:21:48,142 --> 00:21:48,841
Uh...

340
00:21:48,842 --> 00:21:50,390
Hey, is there a
bathroom around here?

341
00:21:50,391 --> 00:21:52,349
I'm telling you, that
toilet over at the Cozy Cot

342
00:21:52,376 --> 00:21:54,270
looks like somebody's
science project.

343
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:56,749
Who is this woman?

344
00:21:56,750 --> 00:22:00,169
This must be Mrs.
Talbot's grand niece.

345
00:22:00,170 --> 00:22:05,498
Oh, Elvira, this is your great
aunt's brother, Vincent Talbot.

346
00:22:05,499 --> 00:22:08,807
She was my aunt, and
you're her brother,

347
00:22:08,808 --> 00:22:12,888
then you must be my Uncle Vinny!

348
00:22:12,889 --> 00:22:15,387
Get this woman off of me!

349
00:22:15,388 --> 00:22:18,937
Oh, and you must be
Auntie Em and Uncle Remus!

350
00:22:18,938 --> 00:22:20,766
Oh, there's no place like home!

351
00:22:20,767 --> 00:22:22,845
The There's no place like home!

352
00:22:22,846 --> 00:22:24,456
Hurry up, Bigelow.

353
00:22:24,457 --> 00:22:26,405
Let's get on with it.

354
00:22:26,406 --> 00:22:27,107
Yeah, really.

355
00:22:27,108 --> 00:22:29,416
Let's get going before
somebody else dies.

356
00:22:35,655 --> 00:22:38,793
Uh, this is the certified and
only last will and testament

357
00:22:38,794 --> 00:22:41,653
of the deceased Morgana Talbot.

358
00:22:41,654 --> 00:22:44,203
To my housekeeper, Mrs. Morrissey,

359
00:22:44,204 --> 00:22:45,963
for years of loyalty and devotion,

360
00:22:45,964 --> 00:22:50,182
I leave my silver tea service
and a cash allotment of $5,000.

361
00:22:54,043 --> 00:22:55,601
Hey, babe, what are
you whining about?

362
00:22:55,628 --> 00:22:57,681
You made out like a bandit.

363
00:22:57,682 --> 00:23:00,991
To Mr. Morrissey,
my driver, I leave

364
00:23:00,992 --> 00:23:04,911
my automobile and an
allotment of $5,000.

365
00:23:04,912 --> 00:23:07,260
Wow, dude, $10,000
just for the help?

366
00:23:07,261 --> 00:23:09,679
That old gal must have
really been loaded!

367
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:14,799
Oh, I mean, dear, sweet Aunt
Morgana certainly was generous.

368
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:15,878
Oh, what's it say about me?

369
00:23:15,905 --> 00:23:19,959
What did I get?

370
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,828
To my grand niece Elvira.

371
00:23:21,829 --> 00:23:24,008
Come on, lay it on
me, Aunt Morgana.

372
00:23:24,009 --> 00:23:26,587
Big bucks, big bucks!

373
00:23:26,588 --> 00:23:32,317
Uh, uh, uh, uh, I bequeath
my house, my beloved poodle,

374
00:23:32,318 --> 00:23:35,796
Algonquin, and my
precious book of recipes.

375
00:23:35,797 --> 00:23:36,497
That's it?

376
00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:40,306
A house, a dog, and a book?

377
00:23:40,307 --> 00:23:43,415
Please, if you will
allow me to finish.

378
00:23:43,416 --> 00:23:46,345
And finally, to my
dear brother Vincent,

379
00:23:46,346 --> 00:23:49,574
I leave the rest of my
estate and holdings,

380
00:23:49,575 --> 00:23:50,784
of which there is none.

381
00:23:53,665 --> 00:23:54,624
Where's the cash?

382
00:23:54,625 --> 00:23:57,044
Where's the furniture?

383
00:23:57,045 --> 00:23:58,044
Where's Bob Eubanks?

384
00:24:00,964 --> 00:24:03,612
He wasn't mentioned.

385
00:24:03,613 --> 00:24:04,822
I don't get it, man.

386
00:24:04,823 --> 00:24:05,523
Uh, boss.

387
00:24:05,524 --> 00:24:07,642
What's so important about
a dumb recipe book?

388
00:24:07,643 --> 00:24:11,361
That dumb recipe book
contains more power

389
00:24:11,362 --> 00:24:13,841
than your feeble little
minds can ever imagine,

390
00:24:13,842 --> 00:24:15,810
and it rightfully belongs to me.

391
00:24:15,811 --> 00:24:19,021
I must have that book!

392
00:24:19,022 --> 00:24:20,240
Great. Just what I need.

393
00:24:20,241 --> 00:24:20,962
A house.

394
00:24:20,963 --> 00:24:25,430
I need a house in Fallwell
like I need a padded bra.

395
00:24:25,431 --> 00:24:26,271
I can't live here!

396
00:24:26,272 --> 00:24:27,630
I'll go crazy, I tell you!

397
00:24:31,041 --> 00:24:32,040
Crazy!

398
00:24:34,549 --> 00:24:36,009
May I offer you a ride?

399
00:24:36,010 --> 00:24:36,890
Buzz off, creep.

400
00:24:36,890 --> 00:24:37,689
I'm not in the mood.

401
00:24:37,690 --> 00:24:39,617
Oh, it's you, Uncle Vinny.

402
00:24:39,618 --> 00:24:42,008
Yes.

403
00:24:42,009 --> 00:24:43,597
Uncle Vinny.

404
00:24:43,598 --> 00:24:46,087
I must apologize for my
behavior in the office.

405
00:24:46,088 --> 00:24:49,406
It's just that your appearance
was a bit of a shock to me.

406
00:24:49,407 --> 00:24:50,108
It's OK.

407
00:24:50,109 --> 00:24:51,947
My appearance is kind of
a shock to everybody.

408
00:24:51,974 --> 00:24:52,407
Yes.

409
00:24:52,408 --> 00:24:56,106
Well, as you may have surmised,
my sister and I... well,

410
00:24:56,107 --> 00:24:59,876
let's just say we had
our differences.

411
00:24:59,877 --> 00:25:01,275
Yeah, I guess.

412
00:25:01,276 --> 00:25:02,375
You really got shafted.

413
00:25:02,376 --> 00:25:03,604
Uh, look.

414
00:25:03,605 --> 00:25:05,095
I'll tell you what, Uncle Vinny.

415
00:25:05,096 --> 00:25:06,895
Um, I'll share my
inheritance with you.

416
00:25:06,896 --> 00:25:07,924
You can have the dog.

417
00:25:07,925 --> 00:25:08,885
No!

418
00:25:08,886 --> 00:25:10,763
Thank you.

419
00:25:10,764 --> 00:25:13,934
But I would be interested in
acquiring that recipe book.

420
00:25:13,935 --> 00:25:15,933
You know, for sentimental reasons.

421
00:25:15,934 --> 00:25:17,203
I'd be willing to pay you.

422
00:25:17,204 --> 00:25:18,913
Say, oh, $50.

423
00:25:18,914 --> 00:25:19,633
Hey, sure.

424
00:25:19,634 --> 00:25:21,232
I'll do it for $50.

425
00:25:21,233 --> 00:25:23,322
Oh!

426
00:25:23,323 --> 00:25:25,372
Vinny, you got
yourself a cookbook.

427
00:25:25,373 --> 00:25:27,282
That lawyer guy's taking me
over to the house, though.

428
00:25:27,283 --> 00:25:28,521
You can pick it up there later.

429
00:25:28,548 --> 00:25:29,023
Fine.

430
00:25:29,023 --> 00:25:29,812
I'll see you there.

431
00:25:29,813 --> 00:25:32,542
Oh, uh, don't forget
to bring the cash.

432
00:25:35,771 --> 00:25:37,170
Drive!

433
00:25:37,171 --> 00:25:39,870
If one of those
bottles should happen to fall,

434
00:25:39,871 --> 00:25:41,820
98... oh, we're here.

435
00:25:48,180 --> 00:25:50,159
Hey, this place ain't half bad.

436
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,638
Bet you could get a bundle for it.

437
00:25:52,639 --> 00:25:54,268
Yes, you could.

438
00:25:54,269 --> 00:25:55,549
But your house is over there.

439
00:26:08,997 --> 00:26:11,996
Oh, Mr. Talbot, I just
wanted to thank you

440
00:26:11,997 --> 00:26:15,045
for that generous donation you
made to the Morality Club.

441
00:26:15,046 --> 00:26:15,896
You're quite welcome.

442
00:26:15,897 --> 00:26:18,995
You know, as I always
say, morals aren't cheap.

443
00:26:18,996 --> 00:26:21,554
And speaking of cheap,
uh, a little birdie

444
00:26:21,555 --> 00:26:25,284
told me that that Elvira
woman is related to you.

445
00:26:25,285 --> 00:26:28,813
Now, not that it's any of my
business, but then, of course,

446
00:26:28,814 --> 00:26:29,813
everything is.

447
00:26:29,814 --> 00:26:32,883
Believe me, I'm as anxious
to get rid of her as you are.

448
00:26:32,884 --> 00:26:33,693
Oh, good.

449
00:26:33,694 --> 00:26:35,203
You know, because someone like that

450
00:26:35,204 --> 00:26:37,452
comes to town, the
next thing you know,

451
00:26:37,453 --> 00:26:39,262
they're teaching sex
education in the schools

452
00:26:39,263 --> 00:26:41,591
and they're passing out
condoms to kindergartners.

453
00:26:41,592 --> 00:26:43,231
You remember when those
swarthy fellows...

454
00:26:43,257 --> 00:26:46,221
She won't be with us very long.

455
00:26:46,222 --> 00:26:46,922
Oh.

456
00:26:46,923 --> 00:26:54,890
Um, uh, why, uh... well, I
know I'm needed somewhere.

457
00:26:54,891 --> 00:26:56,111
Bye bye, now.

458
00:27:00,751 --> 00:27:01,750
Careful.

459
00:27:01,751 --> 00:27:02,909
Some of the boards are loose.

460
00:27:07,129 --> 00:27:08,548
What a dump.

461
00:27:08,549 --> 00:27:12,228
Like I said, the house
needs a little something.

462
00:27:12,229 --> 00:27:14,858
Yeah, like a wrecking ball.

463
00:27:18,787 --> 00:27:21,466
I think Algonquin likes you.

464
00:27:21,467 --> 00:27:22,197
Here, doggy.

465
00:27:22,197 --> 00:27:22,898
Go on.

466
00:27:22,899 --> 00:27:24,097
Go chase this into the street.

467
00:27:26,907 --> 00:27:28,545
I can't stand little dogs.

468
00:27:28,546 --> 00:27:30,436
Boy, if my aunt wasn't
dead, I'd kill her.

469
00:27:33,896 --> 00:27:35,784
Sorry, Aunt Morgana.

470
00:27:35,785 --> 00:27:36,784
Just kidding.

471
00:27:41,065 --> 00:27:44,323
Here's the rest of
your inheritance.

472
00:27:44,324 --> 00:27:45,964
Your great aunt's recipe book.

473
00:27:50,964 --> 00:27:51,983
Oh, yeah.

474
00:27:51,984 --> 00:27:52,993
Some inheritance.

475
00:27:52,994 --> 00:27:56,372
Well, at least I'm
getting $50 for it.

476
00:27:56,373 --> 00:27:58,791
Say, how much you think I
could get for this place?

477
00:27:58,792 --> 00:28:00,731
Well, even though the
house is in disrepair,

478
00:28:00,732 --> 00:28:02,691
it is in a prime location.

479
00:28:02,692 --> 00:28:05,941
I'd venture to say you
could get, um, $70,000.

480
00:28:05,942 --> 00:28:07,230
$70,000?

481
00:28:07,231 --> 00:28:08,960
Maybe more if it were fixed up.

482
00:28:08,961 --> 00:28:10,709
Would you be interested in selling?

483
00:28:10,710 --> 00:28:12,060
Does a chicken have a pecker?

484
00:28:12,061 --> 00:28:13,060
Of course I'm interested!

485
00:28:22,030 --> 00:28:23,639
Now, what am I gonna do with you?

486
00:28:33,938 --> 00:28:36,907
That's more like it, Algonquin.

487
00:28:36,908 --> 00:28:38,827
Algonquin.

488
00:28:38,828 --> 00:28:40,956
What a sissy name.

489
00:28:40,957 --> 00:28:43,346
Let's see, what do I call you?

490
00:28:43,347 --> 00:28:44,385
I know, Gonk.

491
00:28:44,386 --> 00:28:46,365
How do you like that?

492
00:28:57,774 --> 00:28:59,293
Yeah, hold your horses.

493
00:29:03,104 --> 00:29:04,163
Hi, Uncle Vinny.

494
00:29:04,164 --> 00:29:05,443
You're here for the book, right?

495
00:29:05,469 --> 00:29:06,923
Come on in.

496
00:29:06,924 --> 00:29:08,722
Oh, can I make you a cup
of tea or something?

497
00:29:08,749 --> 00:29:10,522
I wouldn't want to put
you to any trouble.

498
00:29:10,523 --> 00:29:12,202
Mm, good point.

499
00:29:12,203 --> 00:29:14,222
I can't stay very long anyway.

500
00:29:14,223 --> 00:29:16,701
Say, you wouldn't want to
buy a house, would you?

501
00:29:16,702 --> 00:29:17,632
I'm afraid not.

502
00:29:17,633 --> 00:29:18,991
I'll sell it to you really cheap.

503
00:29:19,018 --> 00:29:20,161
Uh, no thank you.

504
00:29:20,162 --> 00:29:22,120
Vinny, they don't make
houses like this anymore.

505
00:29:22,147 --> 00:29:23,780
I mean, look at the detailing.

506
00:29:23,781 --> 00:29:27,200
Look... look at the craftsmanship.

507
00:29:27,201 --> 00:29:29,280
What would you pay for
a house like this?

508
00:29:29,281 --> 00:29:31,349
Don't answer, because you
not only get a house.

509
00:29:31,350 --> 00:29:32,839
If you act right now, you also get

510
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:34,349
all this beautiful furniture!

511
00:29:34,350 --> 00:29:35,528
Now what would you pay?

512
00:29:35,529 --> 00:29:36,888
I'm telling you, it's a jewel box.

513
00:29:36,915 --> 00:29:37,479
A gem.

514
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:38,578
A love hutch for two.

515
00:29:38,579 --> 00:29:40,078
I'd bend over backwards
to make you a deal.

516
00:29:40,079 --> 00:29:41,188
I'll bend over forwards.

517
00:29:41,189 --> 00:29:42,878
Why, I'd stand on my
head and eat a bug.

518
00:29:42,879 --> 00:29:44,279
I... No!

519
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:47,027
Just the book.

520
00:29:47,028 --> 00:29:47,728
OK.

521
00:29:47,729 --> 00:29:51,197
I mean, if you're gonna
get crabby about it.

522
00:29:57,308 --> 00:29:58,307
That's weird.

523
00:29:58,308 --> 00:30:00,856
I would've sworn the book
was just on that table.

524
00:30:00,857 --> 00:30:02,695
You promised me that book.

525
00:30:02,696 --> 00:30:04,325
Hey, don't get your
panties in a bunch.

526
00:30:04,326 --> 00:30:06,714
It didn't just walk away.

527
00:30:06,715 --> 00:30:07,615
I'm sure it'll turn up.

528
00:30:07,616 --> 00:30:09,744
Yes!

529
00:30:09,745 --> 00:30:12,414
Of course it will.

530
00:30:12,415 --> 00:30:13,414
Forgive me.

531
00:30:19,783 --> 00:30:22,233
He thinks he's a pit bull.

532
00:30:33,852 --> 00:30:35,690
Good thing I'm not gonna
be here very long.

533
00:30:35,691 --> 00:30:37,290
The neighbors would
never get any sleep.

534
00:30:45,192 --> 00:30:46,190
About time, doofus.

535
00:30:46,191 --> 00:30:48,529
Did you bring the camera?

536
00:30:48,530 --> 00:30:49,999
Do I look like an idiot?

537
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,089
Do you really want
me to answer that?

538
00:30:52,090 --> 00:30:53,070
Shut up, you guys.

539
00:30:53,071 --> 00:30:54,539
She's gonna hear us.

540
00:31:04,727 --> 00:31:07,117
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's

541
00:31:07,118 --> 00:31:11,696
the most drop dead
gorgeous one of all?

542
00:31:11,697 --> 00:31:13,487
Oh, you're just saying that.

543
00:31:33,364 --> 00:31:35,854
What do you see?

544
00:31:35,855 --> 00:31:37,843
In a minute, in a minute!

545
00:31:37,844 --> 00:31:39,332
Ow, my fingers!

546
00:31:39,333 --> 00:31:40,823
Guys, I can't see a thing!

547
00:31:40,824 --> 00:31:41,822
In a minute!

548
00:31:46,083 --> 00:31:47,081
Whoa.

549
00:31:52,751 --> 00:31:54,741
Hey, don't drop me!

550
00:32:00,202 --> 00:32:01,200
Ow!

551
00:32:01,201 --> 00:32:03,180
What do you see?

552
00:32:14,409 --> 00:32:15,407
Awesome!

553
00:32:19,088 --> 00:32:20,087
I gotcha.

554
00:32:30,516 --> 00:32:33,015
Haven't you boys got someplace
else to hang around?

555
00:32:33,016 --> 00:32:37,045
I heard you might need a little
help fixing up the place.

556
00:32:37,046 --> 00:32:38,754
That's very thoughtful,
but why don't you

557
00:32:38,755 --> 00:32:40,564
come back when the light's better?

558
00:32:40,565 --> 00:32:42,854
Good night.

559
00:32:47,314 --> 00:32:48,633
You blew it!

560
00:32:48,634 --> 00:32:49,913
Did you see those gazongas?

561
00:32:49,914 --> 00:32:51,023
I saw them.

562
00:32:51,024 --> 00:32:51,723
I got it!

563
00:32:51,724 --> 00:32:53,693
All right!

564
00:32:53,694 --> 00:32:55,182
Yeah!

565
00:33:03,382 --> 00:33:04,381
Elvira.

566
00:33:08,431 --> 00:33:09,430
Elvira.

567
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:21,879
Elvira.

568
00:33:31,829 --> 00:33:32,828
Elvira.

569
00:34:16,843 --> 00:34:18,631
Oh, out, out, out!

570
00:34:18,632 --> 00:34:19,631
Out!

571
00:34:41,871 --> 00:34:42,869
Hi, Elvira.

572
00:34:42,869 --> 00:34:43,799
Hi.

573
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:45,128
Oh, h you're here.

574
00:34:45,129 --> 00:34:46,687
Richie's folks run
the hardware store.

575
00:34:46,714 --> 00:34:48,747
And we got lots of paint.

576
00:34:48,748 --> 00:34:49,448
Oh, do you?

577
00:34:49,449 --> 00:34:51,317
Too bad they don't own the bank.

578
00:34:51,318 --> 00:34:52,757
Uh, I'll be right down.

579
00:34:55,358 --> 00:34:56,357
Let's do it.

580
00:35:02,597 --> 00:35:03,596
Hey, Elvira!

581
00:35:03,597 --> 00:35:05,685
We got us a couple more volunteers.

582
00:35:05,686 --> 00:35:06,386
Great!

583
00:35:06,387 --> 00:35:08,495
Just grab a tool and start banging.

584
00:35:20,464 --> 00:35:21,963
Hi, Elvira.

585
00:35:21,964 --> 00:35:22,963
Hi, Robin.

586
00:35:22,964 --> 00:35:23,964
Come on in.

587
00:35:28,953 --> 00:35:32,862
Randy, can you hand me that rag?

588
00:35:32,863 --> 00:35:34,511
Randy!

589
00:35:34,512 --> 00:35:35,741
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

590
00:35:35,742 --> 00:35:36,740
Sure.

591
00:35:41,251 --> 00:35:44,150
Young lady!

592
00:35:44,151 --> 00:35:47,739
Robin Meeker, what in
tar nation are you doing here?

593
00:35:47,740 --> 00:35:49,810
You're gonna pay dearly!

594
00:35:49,811 --> 00:35:50,510
Robin!

595
00:35:50,511 --> 00:35:52,688
I'm going to find out
about this, young lady!

596
00:35:52,689 --> 00:35:53,390
Robin!

597
00:35:53,391 --> 00:35:54,488
Come over here!

598
00:35:54,489 --> 00:35:57,438
When are you going to learn
to do what you're told?

599
00:35:57,439 --> 00:35:59,237
You're going to learn
to do what you're told.

600
00:36:20,016 --> 00:36:21,015
Lemonade!

601
00:36:30,115 --> 00:36:32,094
It's fabulous!

602
00:36:39,114 --> 00:36:41,322
I tell you, I nearly died.

603
00:36:41,323 --> 00:36:44,952
There she was, parading around
in clothes that couldn't

604
00:36:44,953 --> 00:36:46,922
keep a titmouse dry in a drizzle.

605
00:36:46,923 --> 00:36:49,721
I mean, it was next to nothing.

606
00:36:49,722 --> 00:36:52,511
I'd say it was next to plenty.

607
00:36:52,512 --> 00:36:54,710
And she had half the
teenagers in town

608
00:36:54,711 --> 00:36:58,150
writhing around to
that jungle music.

609
00:36:58,151 --> 00:37:01,760
And this morning, on my regular
tour of the boys' lavatory,

610
00:37:01,761 --> 00:37:02,760
I confiscated this.

611
00:37:10,369 --> 00:37:12,869
I'll be making the
announcement this afternoon.

612
00:37:12,870 --> 00:37:17,487
Henceforth, all students will be
subject to immediate expulsion

613
00:37:17,488 --> 00:37:21,327
if they are found in the
company of that floozy!

614
00:37:21,328 --> 00:37:22,028
Please.

615
00:37:22,029 --> 00:37:25,217
I don't think we need to
resort to name calling.

616
00:37:25,218 --> 00:37:28,757
I think what Calvin is trying
to say is that this Elvira is

617
00:37:28,758 --> 00:37:33,936
a person of easy virtue, a
purveyor of pulchritude, a one

618
00:37:33,937 --> 00:37:36,045
woman Sodom and
Gomorrah, if you will.

619
00:37:36,046 --> 00:37:39,965
A slimy, slithering succubus!

620
00:37:39,966 --> 00:37:45,994
A concubine, a street walker, a
tramp, a slut, a cheap whore!

621
00:37:45,995 --> 00:37:47,683
She'll be nothing but a bad dream

622
00:37:47,684 --> 00:37:49,383
just as soon as she
sells that property.

623
00:37:49,384 --> 00:37:51,462
An open house has already
been planned for tomorrow.

624
00:37:51,489 --> 00:37:54,542
What... what if she
decides not to sell?

625
00:37:54,543 --> 00:37:56,642
What if she decides to settle here?

626
00:37:56,643 --> 00:37:59,572
Well, if she's morally
unfit, then we

627
00:37:59,573 --> 00:38:01,472
have every right to do anything we

628
00:38:01,473 --> 00:38:02,922
can to get her out of this town.

629
00:38:02,923 --> 00:38:03,833
Are we agreed?

630
00:38:03,833 --> 00:38:04,532
Absolutely.

631
00:38:04,532 --> 00:38:05,232
Hear, hear.

632
00:38:05,233 --> 00:38:07,871
Maybe we're not being
entirely objective about this!

633
00:38:07,872 --> 00:38:09,740
Shut up, Leslie!

634
00:38:09,741 --> 00:38:10,740
Then it's unanimous.

635
00:38:13,651 --> 00:38:16,739
Carol,
Fallwell Real Estate.

636
00:38:16,740 --> 00:38:18,300
Boy, I sure hope
you've got a buyer.

637
00:38:18,301 --> 00:38:21,499
I haven't had so much
as a lookie loo.

638
00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:22,499
Don't worry.

639
00:38:24,860 --> 00:38:26,779
I have some wealthy
investor friends

640
00:38:26,780 --> 00:38:28,298
that would buy this
house in a minute.

641
00:38:28,325 --> 00:38:31,218
That is, if you play
your cards right.

642
00:38:31,219 --> 00:38:34,868
Oh, honey, I'd do anything
to get rid of this rat trap.

643
00:38:34,869 --> 00:38:35,648
That's what I like.

644
00:38:35,649 --> 00:38:36,867
A motivated seller.

645
00:38:36,868 --> 00:38:39,606
It's all a matter of technique.

646
00:38:39,607 --> 00:38:45,516
For starters, let's try
and set the proper mood.

647
00:38:45,517 --> 00:38:46,585
Oh, good idea.

648
00:38:46,586 --> 00:38:50,365
I mean, the less they
see, the better.

649
00:38:50,366 --> 00:38:52,645
It's usually a matter of
getting close to the buyer.

650
00:38:52,646 --> 00:38:54,523
Tell them all about the
potential appreciation,

651
00:38:54,550 --> 00:38:58,925
and guide him through
every nook and cranny.

652
00:38:58,926 --> 00:39:01,934
Slowly unveil everything
from the balcony

653
00:39:01,935 --> 00:39:04,423
to the basement, one
area at a time.

654
00:39:04,424 --> 00:39:07,193
Then, when he's so enthralled
he's ready to burst,

655
00:39:07,194 --> 00:39:09,263
you clinch the deal!

656
00:39:09,264 --> 00:39:09,964
Ow!

657
00:39:09,965 --> 00:39:11,402
You'll be sorry!

658
00:39:11,403 --> 00:39:15,731
You'll never sell this
place without me!

659
00:39:15,732 --> 00:39:20,012
Just because this house is up
for grabs doesn't mean I am!

660
00:39:21,572 --> 00:39:23,902
Get this dog off me!

661
00:39:27,282 --> 00:39:28,281
Get back!

662
00:39:28,282 --> 00:39:29,281
Get out of here!

663
00:40:02,817 --> 00:40:04,916
Calm down, Manny, she says!

664
00:40:04,917 --> 00:40:07,555
I've got the Flamingo breathing
down my neck to cough up

665
00:40:07,556 --> 00:40:09,274
the dough to hold that
showroom, and you're

666
00:40:09,301 --> 00:40:10,265
telling me to calm down?

667
00:40:10,266 --> 00:40:12,654
I told you, I'll come
up with the money!

668
00:40:12,655 --> 00:40:16,404
Heck, I was just six inches
from selling this house today.

669
00:40:16,405 --> 00:40:20,293
Look, kid, you better get
that money here pronto,

670
00:40:20,294 --> 00:40:22,193
or you're through, you hear me?

671
00:40:22,194 --> 00:40:25,603
The only m room you'll see in
Vegas will have Toyotas in it!

672
00:40:36,893 --> 00:40:41,871
And now I understand she
is out looking for a job?

673
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:51,419
There she is.

674
00:40:51,420 --> 00:40:53,389
Mm.

675
00:40:53,390 --> 00:40:54,389
Let's go.

676
00:41:17,107 --> 00:41:19,685
There's no book upstairs,
but I found these panties.

677
00:41:19,686 --> 00:41:20,486
Try one.

678
00:41:20,487 --> 00:41:21,486
They're edible.

679
00:41:23,967 --> 00:41:26,464
Mm!

680
00:41:26,465 --> 00:41:27,955
Mmph!

681
00:41:27,956 --> 00:41:31,334
Now keep looking.

682
00:41:47,463 --> 00:41:50,321
Excuses, excuses.

683
00:41:50,322 --> 00:41:52,671
We turned the place inside out.

684
00:41:52,672 --> 00:41:53,372
Yeah.

685
00:41:53,373 --> 00:41:55,660
And tell him about the dog.

686
00:41:55,661 --> 00:41:57,739
Well, it must have been the
size of a water buffalo.

687
00:41:57,766 --> 00:41:58,765
Quiet!

688
00:42:01,011 --> 00:42:03,320
Now listen to me very carefully.

689
00:42:03,321 --> 00:42:04,679
I want you to go to the courthouse

690
00:42:04,706 --> 00:42:06,860
and remove all the records
of the town ordinances

691
00:42:06,861 --> 00:42:08,029
and bring them back to me.

692
00:42:08,030 --> 00:42:10,209
Do you understand?

693
00:42:10,210 --> 00:42:12,159
Yeah.

694
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:13,439
Then get out!

695
00:42:29,958 --> 00:42:32,896
Oh.

696
00:42:43,656 --> 00:42:44,655
Ow!

697
00:42:44,656 --> 00:42:46,434
Oh my gosh, Elvira!

698
00:42:46,435 --> 00:42:47,934
I'm sorry!

699
00:42:47,935 --> 00:42:49,944
Are you all right?

700
00:42:49,945 --> 00:42:50,815
Yeah, I think so.

701
00:42:50,816 --> 00:42:51,884
How's your head?

702
00:42:51,885 --> 00:42:54,783
I haven't had any complaints yet.

703
00:42:54,784 --> 00:42:56,713
Excuse me?

704
00:42:56,714 --> 00:42:59,292
Uh, I think I'll live.

705
00:42:59,293 --> 00:43:00,492
Believe me, it's not
the worst thing

706
00:43:00,493 --> 00:43:01,423
that's happened to me today.

707
00:43:01,424 --> 00:43:03,012
I've been to every
place in this town,

708
00:43:03,013 --> 00:43:04,212
and no one will give me a job.

709
00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:07,982
It's... it's like it's a
conspiracy or something.

710
00:43:07,983 --> 00:43:10,501
You know what your problem is?

711
00:43:10,502 --> 00:43:11,861
Chastity Pariah.

712
00:43:11,862 --> 00:43:14,640
Ooh, I thought that cleared up.

713
00:43:14,641 --> 00:43:15,921
No, Chastity Pariah.

714
00:43:15,922 --> 00:43:16,732
She's the old biddy.

715
00:43:16,733 --> 00:43:18,790
She's got the whole town
turned against you.

716
00:43:18,791 --> 00:43:19,490
Oh, swell.

717
00:43:19,491 --> 00:43:24,179
So now no one'll hire me,
and I'm flat busted!

718
00:43:24,180 --> 00:43:27,518
No, I mean I'm broke.

719
00:43:27,519 --> 00:43:30,168
I'd hire you if I could, but
I'm barely making enough money

720
00:43:30,169 --> 00:43:31,598
to stay in business as it is.

721
00:43:31,599 --> 00:43:32,379
Duh.

722
00:43:32,379 --> 00:43:33,079
Not surprised.

723
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:37,078
I mean, who wants to pay to see
some quack making duck calls?

724
00:43:37,079 --> 00:43:40,857
And besides that, Bob, you
got an extra E in matinee.

725
00:43:40,858 --> 00:43:41,557
No I don't.

726
00:43:41,558 --> 00:43:43,217
That's how you spell it.

727
00:43:43,218 --> 00:43:45,266
Uh, Bob, I'm in show business.

728
00:43:45,267 --> 00:43:46,718
I think I know how
to spell matinee.

729
00:43:57,776 --> 00:44:00,725
Oh!

730
00:44:09,604 --> 00:44:13,033
Oh, Bob, how can I ever repay you?

731
00:44:13,034 --> 00:44:16,703
Here, let me try.

732
00:44:16,704 --> 00:44:17,704
You witch!

733
00:44:28,202 --> 00:44:29,911
I guess I better get back to work.

734
00:44:29,912 --> 00:44:31,530
The matinee's going to start soon.

735
00:44:31,531 --> 00:44:35,130
Oh, yeah, I can see the
crowds lining up now.

736
00:44:35,131 --> 00:44:37,609
Bobby, baby, you are
going to go broke

737
00:44:37,610 --> 00:44:40,859
showing turkeys like these.

738
00:44:40,860 --> 00:44:43,428
You got a better idea?

739
00:44:43,429 --> 00:44:46,869
It just so happens that I
have some of the classic films

740
00:44:46,870 --> 00:44:50,637
of all time in the trunk of my car.

741
00:44:50,638 --> 00:44:52,919
As a matter of fact...

742
00:45:42,222 --> 00:45:47,160
He who holds the book of sight,
when the moon is drained of all

743
00:45:47,161 --> 00:45:52,360
its light, will then be ruler of
the night, master of the dark.

744
00:45:55,060 --> 00:46:00,879
The lunar eclipse, Morgana,
is less than a week away.

745
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:04,099
When the moon is drained
of all its light.

746
00:46:09,958 --> 00:46:13,787
There's nothing you can do!

747
00:46:13,788 --> 00:46:16,586
You're dead, and I'm not!

748
00:46:32,826 --> 00:46:34,254
Oh, there you are.

749
00:46:34,255 --> 00:46:37,004
I have been looking all
over for you guys.

750
00:46:37,005 --> 00:46:39,333
You are not going to
believe the good news.

751
00:46:39,334 --> 00:46:42,622
Yours truly is hosting a
special midnight screening

752
00:46:42,623 --> 00:46:46,883
at Bob's Theater of one of
the worst movies ever made.

753
00:46:46,884 --> 00:46:49,532
I mean, it is bad.

754
00:46:49,533 --> 00:46:52,132
You know, like bad as in bad.

755
00:46:52,133 --> 00:46:56,221
Like, I'm bad, Jamal, you know it.

756
00:46:56,222 --> 00:46:58,011
Hey, what is this?

757
00:46:58,012 --> 00:46:59,941
The Invasion of the Body Snatchers?

758
00:46:59,942 --> 00:47:01,650
Two days ago, we
were bosom buddies.

759
00:47:01,651 --> 00:47:02,901
It's the principal.

760
00:47:02,902 --> 00:47:04,580
You're darn right,
it's a principle.

761
00:47:04,581 --> 00:47:06,090
Friends ought a stick together.

762
00:47:06,091 --> 00:47:07,100
No.

763
00:47:07,101 --> 00:47:08,339
I mean the principal, Mr. Cobb.

764
00:47:08,366 --> 00:47:11,259
He'd kill us if we
went to your show.

765
00:47:11,260 --> 00:47:12,739
Not to mention our parents.

766
00:47:12,740 --> 00:47:14,039
Kill your parents, too?

767
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:14,740
No.

768
00:47:14,741 --> 00:47:19,118
Our parents would never let
us stay out that late.

769
00:47:19,119 --> 00:47:19,819
Oh.

770
00:47:19,820 --> 00:47:22,158
I see.

771
00:47:22,159 --> 00:47:24,457
Well, the last thing I want to do

772
00:47:24,458 --> 00:47:26,577
is get you guys in any trouble.

773
00:47:26,578 --> 00:47:31,777
I mean, so what if it blows my
only chance at making a living?

774
00:47:31,778 --> 00:47:34,466
That's not your problem.

775
00:47:34,467 --> 00:47:38,756
And if I get so depressed I wind up

776
00:47:38,757 --> 00:47:41,575
hanging myself in the oven, hey!

777
00:47:41,576 --> 00:47:43,526
Those are the breaks.

778
00:47:46,445 --> 00:47:48,795
And if they ever ask
about me, tell them

779
00:47:48,796 --> 00:47:50,674
I was more than just a
great set of boobs.

780
00:47:50,675 --> 00:47:54,994
I was also an incredible
pair of legs.

781
00:47:54,995 --> 00:48:00,993
And tell them... tell them that
I never turned down a friend.

782
00:48:00,994 --> 00:48:04,212
That I never turned down a
stranger, for that matter.

783
00:48:04,213 --> 00:48:07,282
And tell them... tell them that
when all is said and done,

784
00:48:07,283 --> 00:48:10,132
I only ask that people remember
me by two simple words.

785
00:48:14,561 --> 00:48:17,490
Any two, as long as they're simple.

786
00:48:24,141 --> 00:48:26,979
We all decide to help
Elvira, what can Cobb do?

787
00:48:26,980 --> 00:48:30,049
He can expel us all.

788
00:48:30,050 --> 00:48:34,199
I don't know about the rest
of you, but I'll be there.

789
00:48:38,458 --> 00:48:39,457
Me too.

790
00:48:39,458 --> 00:48:42,267
Count on me.

791
00:48:42,268 --> 00:48:43,667
We're sorry, Elvira.

792
00:48:43,668 --> 00:48:47,606
We'll all come to your show.

793
00:48:47,607 --> 00:48:48,956
Great!

794
00:48:48,957 --> 00:48:50,996
12:00 sharp.

795
00:48:50,997 --> 00:48:52,476
Be there or be square.

796
00:48:55,426 --> 00:48:57,705
All right, 12:30, my old man's
out watching.

797
00:49:34,091 --> 00:49:35,090
Oof!

798
00:50:19,776 --> 00:50:21,264
Oh, that looks great!

799
00:50:21,265 --> 00:50:22,035
You really like it?

800
00:50:22,035 --> 00:50:22,735
Yeah!

801
00:50:22,736 --> 00:50:24,293
Elvira, where do you want this?

802
00:50:24,294 --> 00:50:25,704
Just right up there.

803
00:50:25,705 --> 00:50:26,404
OK.

804
00:50:26,405 --> 00:50:27,744
What's the bucket for?

805
00:50:27,745 --> 00:50:30,333
I tell you, oh, it's so cool!

806
00:50:30,334 --> 00:50:32,582
This is the part that I
ripped off... uh, I mean,

807
00:50:32,583 --> 00:50:35,002
that was inspired by Flashdance.

808
00:50:35,003 --> 00:50:40,092
I reach up, I pull this
rope, and my entire body

809
00:50:40,093 --> 00:50:42,261
is covered in gold glitter!

810
00:50:42,262 --> 00:50:43,192
Could you die?

811
00:50:43,193 --> 00:50:44,491
Oh, all right.

812
00:50:44,492 --> 00:50:45,810
Oh, God, I'm telling you, that's

813
00:50:45,837 --> 00:50:47,556
a guaranteed standing ovulation.

814
00:51:16,038 --> 00:51:18,516
You're late.

815
00:51:18,517 --> 00:51:22,006
Where t guy gets pureed!

816
00:51:22,007 --> 00:51:23,076
Don't worry.

817
00:51:23,077 --> 00:51:23,777
They're Italian.

818
00:51:23,778 --> 00:51:25,616
They'll wind up making a
great marinara sauce.

819
00:51:32,696 --> 00:51:33,695
Ronnie?

820
00:51:36,395 --> 00:51:39,884
Is that you?

821
00:51:39,885 --> 00:51:41,383
Man.

822
00:51:41,384 --> 00:51:44,873
Oh, this is where the heroine
gets grabbed by the tomatoes!

823
00:51:44,874 --> 00:51:45,874
I can't look!

824
00:52:13,310 --> 00:52:16,109
Oh, boy, this ending's
so bad the tomatoes ought

825
00:52:16,110 --> 00:52:21,578
to start throwing rotten
people at the screen.

826
00:52:30,548 --> 00:52:33,536
OK, don't anybody move, because
the best is yet to come.

827
00:52:33,537 --> 00:52:39,505
Ladies and dobermans, it's
time for the grand finale!

828
00:53:45,738 --> 00:53:47,027
Patty!

829
00:53:47,028 --> 00:53:48,027
Ugh!

830
00:53:55,697 --> 00:54:00,085
I have never been so
humiliated in my entire life!

831
00:54:00,086 --> 00:54:04,115
Just wait until I get
my hands on that Patty.

832
00:54:04,116 --> 00:54:07,154
I'm going to rip every single
bleach blond e hair out

833
00:54:07,155 --> 00:54:09,194
of her scalp, gouge
out her eyeballs,

834
00:54:09,195 --> 00:54:11,944
and use her head for
a bowling ball!

835
00:54:11,945 --> 00:54:15,583
I'm telling you, they are
not gonna get away with it!

836
00:54:15,584 --> 00:54:18,273
That barf bag Chastity
blacklisting me out of a job,

837
00:54:18,274 --> 00:54:20,992
and that sleazeoid of a
high school principal

838
00:54:20,993 --> 00:54:23,032
turning all the kids against me!

839
00:54:23,033 --> 00:54:26,252
And that bench sniffing
real estate letch,

840
00:54:26,253 --> 00:54:29,061
trying to get his
commission in the sack!

841
00:54:29,062 --> 00:54:30,791
I'll get even with
every one of them

842
00:54:30,792 --> 00:54:32,362
if it's the last thing I do!

843
00:54:39,671 --> 00:54:41,720
What's that perfume
you're wearing?

844
00:54:41,721 --> 00:54:42,870
Super unleaded.

845
00:54:42,871 --> 00:54:43,870
Don't smoke.

846
00:54:50,870 --> 00:54:53,958
Well, here's to my big opening.

847
00:54:53,959 --> 00:54:57,398
I mean... oh, forget it.

848
00:55:04,698 --> 00:55:06,656
Uh, don't you kids think
it's past your bedtime?

849
00:55:06,657 --> 00:55:07,357
Oh, heck no.

850
00:55:07,358 --> 00:55:09,616
I'm not tired... ouch!

851
00:55:09,617 --> 00:55:12,886
It is getting awfully late.

852
00:55:12,887 --> 00:55:13,586
Yeah.

853
00:55:13,587 --> 00:55:15,585
We'd better be going.

854
00:55:15,586 --> 00:55:17,326
Yep, well, see you dudes tomorrow.

855
00:55:52,901 --> 00:55:53,900
Ow!

856
00:55:57,580 --> 00:55:59,620
There's the darn recipe book.

857
00:55:59,621 --> 00:56:01,269
How'd it get under there?

858
00:56:07,119 --> 00:56:08,858
Oh, that reminds me, I'm starving.

859
00:56:08,859 --> 00:56:12,257
Mm, me too.

860
00:56:12,258 --> 00:56:14,107
Uh, let's go get something to eat.

861
00:56:14,108 --> 00:56:16,266
There's an all night truck
stop out on the interstate.

862
00:56:16,293 --> 00:56:18,257
No no no no no no no, Bob.

863
00:56:18,258 --> 00:56:20,336
I've got a better idea.

864
00:56:20,337 --> 00:56:23,566
Why don't you set the table while I

865
00:56:23,567 --> 00:56:25,576
see what I can whip
up in the kitchen?

866
00:56:32,676 --> 00:56:34,905
My aunt sure had lousy penmanship.

867
00:56:34,906 --> 00:56:38,284
I can't read a word of this stuff.

868
00:56:38,285 --> 00:56:39,803
Looks like it was
written in some kind

869
00:56:39,830 --> 00:56:43,634
of foreign language or something.

870
00:56:43,635 --> 00:56:45,604
Hey, wait, look at this.

871
00:56:45,605 --> 00:56:48,273
Adraka Kozerol.

872
00:56:48,274 --> 00:56:49,933
Kozerol.

873
00:56:49,934 --> 00:56:51,083
Oh, casserole!

874
00:56:51,084 --> 00:56:52,962
Hm, that sounds good.

875
00:56:52,963 --> 00:56:53,664
OK, let's see.

876
00:56:53,665 --> 00:56:55,082
What does it say here?

877
00:56:55,083 --> 00:56:56,082
One edreziba.

878
00:56:58,174 --> 00:56:59,172
Huh.

879
00:56:59,173 --> 00:57:01,282
Wonder where she keeps the
edreziba around here.

880
00:57:08,692 --> 00:57:12,750
Whoa, this is some spice rack.

881
00:57:12,751 --> 00:57:14,349
Tramazul.

882
00:57:14,350 --> 00:57:17,089
Columbra, corder ox.

883
00:57:17,090 --> 00:57:19,329
Ah, here it is.

884
00:57:19,330 --> 00:57:20,328
Edreziba.

885
00:57:27,169 --> 00:57:28,168
One edreziba.

886
00:57:33,968 --> 00:57:35,357
OK, one half of a lemgra.

887
00:57:39,527 --> 00:57:42,606
Ugh, looks like the
lemgra went bad.

888
00:57:42,607 --> 00:57:46,115
I don't know, it says it's
good until June of next year.

889
00:57:46,116 --> 00:57:46,896
What the heck?

890
00:57:46,897 --> 00:57:49,695
I got a cast iron stomach.

891
00:57:49,696 --> 00:57:51,304
OK then, let's see.

892
00:57:51,305 --> 00:57:53,154
Two to three golitra.

893
00:57:53,155 --> 00:57:54,154
Golitra.

894
00:57:56,575 --> 00:57:57,574
Uh, let's see.

895
00:57:57,574 --> 00:57:58,573
One corder ox.

896
00:58:09,514 --> 00:58:10,513
Mm.

897
00:58:10,514 --> 00:58:12,371
Doesn't smell too bad.

898
00:58:12,372 --> 00:58:15,003
But it looks like ca ca doo doo.

899
00:58:41,390 --> 00:58:42,389
There.

900
00:58:42,390 --> 00:58:43,599
That's much better.

901
00:58:50,828 --> 00:58:51,827
It's soup!

902
00:58:56,977 --> 00:58:58,276
Mm, smells great.

903
00:58:58,277 --> 00:58:58,977
What is it?

904
00:58:58,978 --> 00:59:02,365
Oh, it's just a little
something I conjured up.

905
00:59:02,366 --> 00:59:03,365
Oh.

906
00:59:06,265 --> 00:59:08,504
Allow me.

907
00:59:08,505 --> 00:59:10,365
Thank you ever so much.

908
00:59:13,155 --> 00:59:18,033
Well, I hope you're hungry,
'cause here's dinner.

909
00:59:58,699 --> 01:00:01,678
The switch, Bob, the switch!

910
01:00:17,056 --> 01:00:20,095
First time I was ever an
appetizer for the main course.

911
01:00:20,096 --> 01:00:21,474
Where'd you learn how to cook?

912
01:00:21,475 --> 01:00:22,445
I didn't.

913
01:00:22,446 --> 01:00:24,815
I just followed the directions
in my aunt's... Gonk,

914
01:00:24,816 --> 01:00:26,094
what are you doing?

915
01:00:26,095 --> 01:00:27,355
Give me that cookbook!

916
01:00:32,335 --> 01:00:34,483
Gonk!

917
01:00:34,484 --> 01:00:36,263
Gonk, you get back here right now,

918
01:00:36,264 --> 01:00:39,292
or you are grounded for one week!

919
01:00:39,293 --> 01:00:41,662
Gonk!

920
01:00:41,663 --> 01:00:43,152
Gonk, come here.

921
01:00:48,122 --> 01:00:49,122
Deja vu.

922
01:00:58,560 --> 01:01:00,050
Wow.

923
01:01:00,051 --> 01:01:02,039
Gonk?

924
01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:04,030
Gonk, are you in here?

925
01:01:09,990 --> 01:01:15,457
Gonk, you are a very bad, bad dog.

926
01:01:15,458 --> 01:01:18,547
Oh, yuck, you slobbered
all over it.

927
01:01:21,367 --> 01:01:24,406
Now what do you want?

928
01:01:28,567 --> 01:01:30,166
I think he wants you
to open the trunk.

929
01:01:30,193 --> 01:01:32,802
Well, why didn't you just say so?

930
01:01:39,555 --> 01:01:42,355
Wow, look at all this cool junk!

931
01:01:44,996 --> 01:01:45,995
This could be you, Gonk.

932
01:01:48,834 --> 01:01:49,534
Ew.

933
01:01:49,535 --> 01:01:51,264
I think I used to go
out with this guy.

934
01:01:57,633 --> 01:01:59,593
Take a look at this.

935
01:02:02,542 --> 01:02:04,141
Think it's for me?

936
01:02:04,142 --> 01:02:04,872
Go ahead.

937
01:02:04,873 --> 01:02:06,211
Open it.

938
01:02:06,212 --> 01:02:07,822
Mm, you open it.

939
01:02:13,651 --> 01:02:16,319
Dearest Elvira, for
all these years,

940
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:18,189
I protected you from the truth.

941
01:02:18,190 --> 01:02:21,759
But the time has now come
when your only protection

942
01:02:21,760 --> 01:02:23,689
is the truth.

943
01:02:23,690 --> 01:02:25,208
Say what?

944
01:02:25,209 --> 01:02:28,048
Let me see this.

945
01:02:28,049 --> 01:02:32,917
Your mother, Devana, was
an extraordinary woman.

946
01:02:32,918 --> 01:02:34,927
She was the true
mistress of the dark.

947
01:02:34,928 --> 01:02:37,607
But her power did not
go unchallenged.

948
01:02:37,608 --> 01:02:40,506
For 300 years, your Great.

949
01:02:40,507 --> 01:02:43,176
Uncle Vincent coveted her dominion.

950
01:02:43,177 --> 01:02:45,977
You 300?

951
01:02:45,978 --> 01:02:49,695
God, I hope I look that
good when I'm that old.

952
01:02:49,696 --> 01:02:52,085
He would have
destroyed you as he did her,

953
01:02:52,086 --> 01:02:53,795
had I not sent you away.

954
01:02:53,796 --> 01:02:56,844
I left you with all the power
you would need to protect

955
01:02:56,845 --> 01:02:59,574
yourself, and entrusted
you to my loyal familiar.

956
01:02:59,575 --> 01:03:00,774
What's that about a familiar?

957
01:03:00,801 --> 01:03:04,133
Bob, haven't you ever seen
any old Roger Corman movies?

958
01:03:04,134 --> 01:03:05,143
Every witch has one.

959
01:03:05,144 --> 01:03:06,783
They're like a...
Like a pet that can

960
01:03:06,784 --> 01:03:07,903
change into almost anything.

961
01:03:07,904 --> 01:03:08,903
Where was I?

962
01:03:08,904 --> 01:03:09,674
Oh, yeah.

963
01:03:09,675 --> 01:03:14,082
Um, but it wasn't you alone
that I sought to protect.

964
01:03:14,083 --> 01:03:15,662
It was the book.

965
01:03:15,663 --> 01:03:19,001
It contained your mother's magic.

966
01:03:19,002 --> 01:03:20,771
Our enemy
is a formidable one.

967
01:03:20,772 --> 01:03:23,260
Protect the book,
Elvira, and above all,

968
01:03:23,261 --> 01:03:25,751
keep it from Vincent when the moon

969
01:03:25,752 --> 01:03:29,230
falls under the Earth's shadow.

970
01:03:29,231 --> 01:03:35,209
Remember, you carry
the power with you.

971
01:03:35,210 --> 01:03:38,199
Your loving aunt, Morgana.

972
01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:39,468
Too macabre.

973
01:03:39,469 --> 01:03:41,749
I mean, like, I knew
I was different,

974
01:03:41,750 --> 01:03:43,718
but I didn't think I was
quite that different.

975
01:03:43,719 --> 01:03:46,018
No wonder Vinnie had
such a spa z attack

976
01:03:46,019 --> 01:03:47,658
when I couldn't find the book!

977
01:03:47,659 --> 01:03:49,867
Yeah, and you heard
what your aunt said.

978
01:03:49,868 --> 01:03:51,217
He can't get his hands on it!

979
01:03:51,218 --> 01:03:52,957
No way he's getting it now.

980
01:03:52,958 --> 01:03:55,346
And here I am knocking myself out

981
01:03:55,347 --> 01:03:57,896
to make a living as a horror
hostess when I'm actually

982
01:03:57,897 --> 01:04:00,597
descended from, like, a major
metaphysical celebrity!

983
01:04:03,446 --> 01:04:05,546
All I have to do is just
find the right spell,

984
01:04:05,547 --> 01:04:08,645
and I can make the money
I need for Vegas!

985
01:04:08,646 --> 01:04:12,334
I mean really make the money.

986
01:04:12,335 --> 01:04:14,684
I don't think you should go
fooling with that book again.

987
01:04:14,685 --> 01:04:16,363
Look, look, Bob, here it is!

988
01:04:16,364 --> 01:04:18,243
Selsba Riki Moola!

989
01:04:18,244 --> 01:04:20,073
That's exactly what I need!

990
01:04:20,074 --> 01:04:21,233
Lots of moolah!

991
01:04:21,234 --> 01:04:22,723
OK, OK.

992
01:04:22,724 --> 01:04:25,092
Selsba Riki Moola Sheen.

993
01:04:25,093 --> 01:04:27,543
Hey, Elvira, I... I
don't think that...

994
01:04:32,322 --> 01:04:34,301
It's... it's working, Bob!

995
01:04:34,302 --> 01:04:35,301
It's working!

996
01:04:40,251 --> 01:04:42,240
Bob, are you still here?

997
01:04:42,241 --> 01:04:43,240
Right here.

998
01:04:49,681 --> 01:04:53,229
What is this?

999
01:04:53,230 --> 01:04:58,208
Oh, why Bob.

1000
01:04:58,209 --> 01:05:01,708
You know, Bob, I may
be wrong, but I

1001
01:05:01,709 --> 01:05:04,287
think that might have
been a love spell.

1002
01:05:04,288 --> 01:05:06,558
Really?

1003
01:05:06,559 --> 01:05:08,797
Oh, Bob.

1004
01:05:08,798 --> 01:05:11,787
Bob!

1005
01:05:22,246 --> 01:05:24,234
Hold me, Bob.

1006
01:05:24,235 --> 01:05:25,235
Hold me.

1007
01:05:51,122 --> 01:05:54,261
Oh, Chastity, the
picnic's a great success.

1008
01:05:54,262 --> 01:05:58,161
Yes, I think it's something
we can all be proud of me for.

1009
01:06:06,940 --> 01:06:09,869
Come and get it!

1010
01:06:09,870 --> 01:06:12,358
Oh, now, you children, you're
acting like wild animals!

1011
01:06:12,359 --> 01:06:16,538
Get to the end of the line, now.

1012
01:06:16,539 --> 01:06:17,968
It all looks so good.

1013
01:06:17,969 --> 01:06:22,177
I can't remember when
I've been this hungry.

1014
01:06:22,178 --> 01:06:25,978
Oh, Melody, I see you've made
your famous Tic-Tac pie.

1015
01:06:33,136 --> 01:06:34,556
Oh!

1016
01:06:34,557 --> 01:06:35,666
Bob, what are you doing?

1017
01:06:35,667 --> 01:06:37,145
You scared the hell out of me.

1018
01:06:37,146 --> 01:06:38,865
What's going on?

1019
01:06:38,866 --> 01:06:41,504
Let's just say I'm
settling the score.

1020
01:06:41,505 --> 01:06:43,074
Oh, no.

1021
01:06:43,075 --> 01:06:45,824
Well, it is a potluck.

1022
01:06:45,825 --> 01:06:47,423
And believe me, when
they open that pot,

1023
01:06:47,450 --> 01:06:51,333
they're going to need all
the luck they can get.

1024
01:06:51,334 --> 01:06:54,462
Oh, I don't believe
I've had any of this.

1025
01:06:54,463 --> 01:06:56,814
Revenge is better than Christmas.

1026
01:07:03,034 --> 01:07:04,033
I don't get it.

1027
01:07:04,033 --> 01:07:05,861
What happened?

1028
01:07:05,862 --> 01:07:07,632
Looks like some sort of casserole.

1029
01:07:11,712 --> 01:07:13,020
Mm.

1030
01:07:13,021 --> 01:07:13,722
Mm!

1031
01:07:13,723 --> 01:07:15,560
This is marvelous.

1032
01:07:15,561 --> 01:07:16,731
I must get this recipe.

1033
01:07:23,581 --> 01:07:24,580
Oh, shoot!

1034
01:07:24,581 --> 01:07:26,629
Must have screwed it
up when I substituted

1035
01:07:26,630 --> 01:07:30,128
the falengra with some
Hamburger Helper.

1036
01:07:30,129 --> 01:07:30,879
Oh, yes.

1037
01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:32,778
Thank you for my drink.

1038
01:07:32,779 --> 01:07:35,748
There.

1039
01:07:35,749 --> 01:07:36,747
Ah, oh.

1040
01:07:41,688 --> 01:07:44,456
Mm!

1041
01:07:44,457 --> 01:07:45,456
Mmm.

1042
01:07:57,526 --> 01:08:01,775
I feel a little odd.

1043
01:08:04,745 --> 01:08:07,223
Suddenly it's very warm.

1044
01:08:18,803 --> 01:08:20,012
Remind you of anything?

1045
01:08:23,262 --> 01:08:25,092
Remind you of anything?

1046
01:08:31,001 --> 01:08:32,479
Give me that!

1047
01:08:32,480 --> 01:08:33,479
It's mine!

1048
01:08:45,159 --> 01:08:47,949
Oh boy, am I a horn dog.

1049
01:08:55,498 --> 01:08:56,497
Excuse me.

1050
01:08:56,498 --> 01:08:58,487
Is this face taken?

1051
01:09:15,845 --> 01:09:17,334
Come on, stud.

1052
01:09:17,335 --> 01:09:18,333
Let's boogie!

1053
01:09:27,744 --> 01:09:30,223
Hey, Leslie, let's mambo.

1054
01:09:46,591 --> 01:09:49,000
That's an interesting dish.

1055
01:09:49,001 --> 01:09:51,700
Where did you learn how to make it?

1056
01:09:51,701 --> 01:09:56,009
Oh, it's just an
old family recipe.

1057
01:09:56,010 --> 01:09:57,318
All right.

1058
01:09:57,319 --> 01:10:01,408
I'll give you $500 for the book.

1059
01:10:01,409 --> 01:10:03,968
What, do I look like I just
fell off the tuna truck?

1060
01:10:03,969 --> 01:10:05,818
The deal's off, uncle!

1061
01:10:05,819 --> 01:10:08,667
You think you're pretty
clever, don't you?

1062
01:10:08,668 --> 01:10:13,668
Well, mark my words, I'll get
you, and your little dog, too!

1063
01:10:19,087 --> 01:10:20,086
Help.

1064
01:10:25,656 --> 01:10:27,605
No!

1065
01:10:27,606 --> 01:10:29,834
Oh, you again.

1066
01:10:29,835 --> 01:10:33,304
Do you always wear the same dress?

1067
01:10:33,305 --> 01:10:37,923
No, sometimes I like to wear
something low cut and sexy.

1068
01:10:37,924 --> 01:10:41,034
Well, I guess in your business,
it pays to advertise.

1069
01:10:43,953 --> 01:10:45,242
Come here, Bob.

1070
01:10:45,243 --> 01:10:49,812
Let me show you how a
real woman does it.

1071
01:10:49,813 --> 01:10:50,813
Excuse me.

1072
01:11:05,280 --> 01:11:06,500
You all saw it!

1073
01:11:06,501 --> 01:11:08,439
He attacked me in broad daylight,

1074
01:11:08,440 --> 01:11:10,079
and he had his way with me!

1075
01:11:10,080 --> 01:11:10,780
Me?

1076
01:11:10,781 --> 01:11:13,029
I barely got away with my life!

1077
01:11:13,030 --> 01:11:15,958
You could have worn out
a mechanical bull!

1078
01:11:15,959 --> 01:11:18,427
Ooh, you're not going
to get away with this,

1079
01:11:18,428 --> 01:11:20,098
you sex addled maniac!

1080
01:11:20,099 --> 01:11:22,638
I demand that the council
remove this pervert!

1081
01:11:22,639 --> 01:11:26,077
I never laid a hand on
those sheep, so help me!

1082
01:11:26,078 --> 01:11:27,857
Calvin was the one
who was painting

1083
01:11:27,858 --> 01:11:29,256
everybody with apple butter!

1084
01:11:29,257 --> 01:11:30,678
I was just an innocent on licker.

1085
01:11:34,787 --> 01:11:35,786
Silence!

1086
01:11:38,926 --> 01:11:42,264
Don't you see?

1087
01:11:42,265 --> 01:11:46,464
You're playing right
into her hands.

1088
01:11:46,465 --> 01:11:50,054
It's Elvira who is
responsible for all this.

1089
01:11:50,055 --> 01:11:51,243
Of course.

1090
01:11:51,244 --> 01:11:53,082
I should have known it
was that little harlot.

1091
01:11:53,109 --> 01:11:57,123
We ought to ride her out
of town on a big fat rail.

1092
01:11:57,124 --> 01:11:59,793
She might enjoy that too much.

1093
01:11:59,794 --> 01:12:01,644
There is a much more
satisfactory solution.

1094
01:12:04,543 --> 01:12:07,522
We can have her arrested.

1095
01:12:07,523 --> 01:12:08,252
Arrested?

1096
01:12:08,253 --> 01:12:09,841
On what charges?

1097
01:12:09,842 --> 01:12:13,001
It so happens that there
is a law on the books that

1098
01:12:13,002 --> 01:12:15,800
dates back to the Salem trials.

1099
01:12:15,801 --> 01:12:19,990
It specifically forbids, and
I quote, "any towns person"

1100
01:12:19,991 --> 01:12:24,169
from practicing the ancient
arts of spell casting,

1101
01:12:24,170 --> 01:12:31,058
"demonology, alchemy,
and conjuration."

1102
01:12:31,059 --> 01:12:37,408
The charge, my fellow council
members, is witchcraft.

1103
01:12:42,358 --> 01:12:45,336
Let me out of here!

1104
01:12:45,337 --> 01:12:47,066
Pipe down in there!

1105
01:12:47,067 --> 01:12:48,616
Hey, I've seen The People's Court.

1106
01:12:48,617 --> 01:12:52,305
I'm entitled to one phone
call and a strip search!

1107
01:12:52,306 --> 01:12:54,626
Well, there's a pay phone
right across the street.

1108
01:12:54,627 --> 01:12:55,616
What's the matter?

1109
01:12:55,617 --> 01:12:57,665
You forget where you
put your broom?

1110
01:12:57,666 --> 01:12:59,954
Listen, fatso, if I had a broom,

1111
01:12:59,955 --> 01:13:01,716
I know exactly where I'd put it.

1112
01:13:04,955 --> 01:13:06,143
Oh, this is swell.

1113
01:13:06,144 --> 01:13:07,684
I can just hear Manny now.

1114
01:13:07,685 --> 01:13:08,384
Hello, Vegas?

1115
01:13:08,385 --> 01:13:11,043
We got a slight crimp in
the plans for the show.

1116
01:13:11,044 --> 01:13:14,212
Yeah, the star was
burned at the stake.

1117
01:13:14,213 --> 01:13:15,523
Elvira!

1118
01:13:15,524 --> 01:13:16,223
Great news!

1119
01:13:16,224 --> 01:13:18,032
I got you the best
lawyer in the county.

1120
01:13:18,033 --> 01:13:20,662
He'll be here first
thing in the morning.

1121
01:13:20,663 --> 01:13:21,603
Bob, in the morning?

1122
01:13:21,604 --> 01:13:24,901
First thing in the morning, I'll
be able to fit in an ashtray!

1123
01:13:24,902 --> 01:13:27,350
You've gotta get me out of here!

1124
01:13:27,351 --> 01:13:29,041
But how?

1125
01:13:29,042 --> 01:13:29,742
The book!

1126
01:13:29,743 --> 01:13:31,230
It's my only chance.

1127
01:13:31,231 --> 01:13:32,629
Quick, run to the house and get it!

1128
01:13:32,656 --> 01:13:33,211
OK.

1129
01:13:33,212 --> 01:13:36,269
Oh, but Bob, wait!

1130
01:13:36,270 --> 01:13:37,459
What?

1131
01:13:37,460 --> 01:13:39,989
I hid it under the floorboard
in the living room.

1132
01:13:39,990 --> 01:13:41,429
OK.

1133
01:13:41,430 --> 01:13:43,869
Oh, Woo Bob!

1134
01:13:43,870 --> 01:13:44,820
What?

1135
01:13:44,820 --> 01:13:45,819
Hurry!

1136
01:13:52,128 --> 01:13:54,087
Stay low!

1137
01:13:54,088 --> 01:13:55,569
Keep down low!

1138
01:14:07,657 --> 01:14:08,656
Now.

1139
01:14:14,756 --> 01:14:15,686
What are you whining about?

1140
01:14:15,687 --> 01:14:18,104
I'm the one getting barbecued.

1141
01:14:26,264 --> 01:14:26,964
Oh.

1142
01:14:26,964 --> 01:14:27,963
Sorry.

1143
01:14:46,141 --> 01:14:47,621
At last, it's mine.

1144
01:14:47,622 --> 01:14:50,271
The power is mine!

1145
01:15:00,169 --> 01:15:02,148
Gonk, don't have a conniption fit.

1146
01:15:13,029 --> 01:15:14,028
Whoa.

1147
01:15:14,029 --> 01:15:17,126
Must've took too much
antacid in the '60s.

1148
01:15:17,127 --> 01:15:21,385
Two, four, six, eight,
who do we incinerate?

1149
01:15:21,386 --> 01:15:24,865
Elvira!

1150
01:15:37,145 --> 01:15:38,674
Thank goodness, padre!

1151
01:15:38,675 --> 01:15:41,073
I am here to save you, my child.

1152
01:15:41,074 --> 01:15:45,713
At last, someone to talk
some sense into these people.

1153
01:15:45,714 --> 01:15:50,502
God, save this wretched
creature's soul,

1154
01:15:50,503 --> 01:15:56,302
even though her creamy white
flesh will burn and sizzle.

1155
01:16:05,581 --> 01:16:06,761
Well, isn't that convenient?

1156
01:16:11,720 --> 01:16:14,398
Thanks for trying, you guys.

1157
01:16:14,399 --> 01:16:15,398
Elvira!

1158
01:16:31,358 --> 01:16:32,357
Gonk?

1159
01:16:32,358 --> 01:16:36,786
Is that you, boy?

1160
01:16:43,706 --> 01:16:44,885
Good work, Gonk.

1161
01:16:44,886 --> 01:16:49,735
Burn the witch!

1162
01:16:49,736 --> 01:16:51,674
Do you smoke?

1163
01:16:51,675 --> 01:16:54,614
I guess we'll find
out soon enough.

1164
01:16:54,615 --> 01:17:10,553
Burn the witch!

1165
01:17:15,532 --> 01:17:18,020
Oh no, you're not
gonna believe this.

1166
01:17:18,021 --> 01:17:19,511
I left my oven on.

1167
01:17:19,512 --> 01:17:22,299
I'll just be a minute.

1168
01:17:22,300 --> 01:17:27,779
Burn the witch!

1169
01:17:32,460 --> 01:17:34,948
Any last words?

1170
01:17:34,949 --> 01:17:36,448
Just one.

1171
01:17:36,449 --> 01:17:38,938
Help!

1172
01:17:38,939 --> 01:17:44,908
Burn the witch!

1173
01:17:44,909 --> 01:17:45,908
Hold it!

1174
01:17:45,908 --> 01:17:46,898
Hold it down!

1175
01:17:46,899 --> 01:17:48,397
Quiet, quiet there!

1176
01:17:51,877 --> 01:17:56,265
And now, by the power vested
in me by the sovereign state

1177
01:17:56,266 --> 01:17:58,655
of Massachusetts, I
do hereby pronounce

1178
01:17:58,656 --> 01:18:02,904
sentence on Elvira the prisoner!

1179
01:18:02,905 --> 01:18:04,355
Death by fire!

1180
01:18:07,755 --> 01:18:10,383
Hold it, Sheriff.

1181
01:18:10,384 --> 01:18:13,083
What you're doing is wrong.

1182
01:18:13,084 --> 01:18:13,894
Patty?

1183
01:18:13,895 --> 01:18:18,583
It'll catch faster if you
light it in several places.

1184
01:18:18,584 --> 01:18:19,584
Patty, no!

1185
01:18:22,583 --> 01:18:26,081
We ought to have one
of these every year.

1186
01:18:26,082 --> 01:18:28,581
Burn in hell, witch!

1187
01:18:28,582 --> 01:18:30,081
Patty!

1188
01:18:30,082 --> 01:18:36,380
Burn the witch!

1189
01:18:42,581 --> 01:18:44,579
Burn her!

1190
01:18:44,580 --> 01:18:46,079
Bye, kids.

1191
01:18:46,080 --> 01:18:48,078
It's been swell.

1192
01:18:48,079 --> 01:18:51,578
Just send my ashes to Las Vegas.

1193
01:18:51,579 --> 01:18:55,077
Let me through!

1194
01:18:55,078 --> 01:18:55,878
Elvira!

1195
01:18:55,878 --> 01:18:56,877
Bob!

1196
01:19:02,578 --> 01:19:03,876
Hi, Bob.

1197
01:19:03,877 --> 01:19:04,578
Patty!

1198
01:19:04,579 --> 01:19:08,076
You're not a very nice person.

1199
01:19:08,077 --> 01:19:12,076
Burn the witch!

1200
01:19:16,375 --> 01:19:17,374
Gonk?

1201
01:19:23,075 --> 01:19:27,575
Remember,
you carry the power with you.

1202
01:19:32,074 --> 01:19:33,072
The ring!

1203
01:20:10,068 --> 01:20:11,569
Are you all right?

1204
01:20:21,067 --> 01:20:22,296
Look.

1205
01:20:22,297 --> 01:20:25,716
The lunar eclipse.

1206
01:20:25,717 --> 01:20:26,417
Remember?

1207
01:20:26,418 --> 01:20:27,835
Your aunt's letter.

1208
01:20:27,836 --> 01:20:31,274
When the moon falls under
the Earth's shadow.

1209
01:20:31,275 --> 01:20:32,565
Yeah, so?

1210
01:20:32,566 --> 01:20:34,225
Vincent's got the book!

1211
01:20:45,994 --> 01:20:46,993
Elvira!

1212
01:20:50,494 --> 01:20:51,493
Elvira!

1213
01:20:53,684 --> 01:20:54,683
Gonk!

1214
01:20:54,683 --> 01:20:55,673
Where's Gonk?

1215
01:20:58,672 --> 01:21:00,672
Oh, you tricky little devil.

1216
01:21:05,161 --> 01:21:07,150
Oh!

1217
01:21:07,151 --> 01:21:08,150
Vincent!

1218
01:21:08,151 --> 01:21:09,680
Remember us?

1219
01:21:09,681 --> 01:21:12,109
We're on your side.

1220
01:21:12,110 --> 01:21:13,109
Swine.

1221
01:21:26,689 --> 01:21:27,688
Stay back.

1222
01:21:36,608 --> 01:21:38,596
Sic 'em, Gonk!

1223
01:21:49,506 --> 01:21:51,155
Don't make me use this!

1224
01:21:56,865 --> 01:21:58,624
The amulet could not
protect your mother,

1225
01:21:58,625 --> 01:22:01,943
and it won't save you.

1226
01:22:01,944 --> 01:22:04,153
Kaldozar Ipsulay!

1227
01:22:09,424 --> 01:22:10,423
Huh.

1228
01:22:10,424 --> 01:22:12,081
So you want to play rough eh?

1229
01:22:12,082 --> 01:22:13,583
Well, take this!

1230
01:22:18,382 --> 01:22:19,381
Huh?

1231
01:22:19,381 --> 01:22:20,380
What?

1232
01:22:43,078 --> 01:22:45,777
You cannot escape me,
daughter of Devana.

1233
01:22:45,778 --> 01:22:50,956
I shall destroy you as I did her.

1234
01:22:59,716 --> 01:23:01,555
You looking for me?

1235
01:23:08,975 --> 01:23:13,783
Did you think you could
stop me with your toys?

1236
01:23:13,784 --> 01:23:15,733
No, but I figured it
would be worth a shot.

1237
01:23:15,734 --> 01:23:16,733
Look!

1238
01:24:04,137 --> 01:24:06,618
Kozar Kara Ocktar!

1239
01:24:10,097 --> 01:24:11,977
Sure, that's easy for you to say.

1240
01:24:40,463 --> 01:24:41,462
That hurt!

1241
01:24:49,632 --> 01:24:50,631
Now, baby.

1242
01:24:55,031 --> 01:24:57,010
Hey.

1243
01:24:57,011 --> 01:25:01,599
We have a little
unfinished business.

1244
01:25:01,600 --> 01:25:04,739
Yeah, well, uh, I think
we can do business.

1245
01:25:04,740 --> 01:25:08,158
Uh, yeah, sure, I can dig it.

1246
01:25:08,159 --> 01:25:10,198
Uh, I'm cool, bro.

1247
01:25:10,199 --> 01:25:13,347
Know what it is, where it's at.

1248
01:25:13,348 --> 01:25:15,197
I'll show you where it's at.

1249
01:25:56,653 --> 01:26:02,171
I am master of the dark!

1250
01:26:02,172 --> 01:26:04,832
I'll see you in hell first!

1251
01:26:50,746 --> 01:26:53,646
And now, Elvira, you die!

1252
01:27:27,011 --> 01:27:30,491
Remember,
you carry the power with you.

1253
01:27:51,908 --> 01:27:56,406
So what did the
insurance guys say?

1254
01:27:56,407 --> 01:27:58,256
My policy doesn't
cover acts of demons.

1255
01:28:01,527 --> 01:28:04,215
Well, at least you've
still got the ring.

1256
01:28:04,216 --> 01:28:06,375
Yeah, but the only thing I
can get it to do anymore

1257
01:28:06,376 --> 01:28:07,375
is look cheap.

1258
01:28:11,455 --> 01:28:12,724
Gosh, Elvira, I'm sorry.

1259
01:28:12,725 --> 01:28:17,573
I know you had your heart
set on playing Las Vegas.

1260
01:28:17,574 --> 01:28:22,132
I'm just not the kind of
girl whose dreams come true.

1261
01:28:22,133 --> 01:28:23,424
I do better on nightmares.

1262
01:28:28,613 --> 01:28:32,582
I wish there was
something I could do.

1263
01:28:32,583 --> 01:28:34,231
Yeah, don't worry about me, Bob.

1264
01:28:34,232 --> 01:28:35,571
I'm like fake fruit.

1265
01:28:35,572 --> 01:28:37,071
I don't bruise that easy.

1266
01:28:43,802 --> 01:28:44,801
Uh-oh.

1267
01:28:44,802 --> 01:28:46,729
Here comes the lynch mob.

1268
01:28:46,730 --> 01:28:48,909
Hey, take it easy, take
it easy, I'm leaving.

1269
01:28:48,910 --> 01:28:50,009
We don't want you to go.

1270
01:28:50,010 --> 01:28:50,710
No, no.

1271
01:28:50,711 --> 01:28:54,359
This is our way of saying
we were wrong about you,

1272
01:28:54,360 --> 01:28:55,698
and we're sorry.

1273
01:28:55,699 --> 01:28:57,098
Elvira, you're the best thing that

1274
01:28:57,125 --> 01:28:58,908
ever happened to this town.

1275
01:28:58,909 --> 01:29:01,847
You touched a part of my
son that... that nobody's

1276
01:29:01,848 --> 01:29:02,708
ever touched before.

1277
01:29:02,709 --> 01:29:04,937
I wish.

1278
01:29:04,938 --> 01:29:07,336
As long as you're
in Fallwell, you'll

1279
01:29:07,337 --> 01:29:09,696
always have a free
room at the Cozy Cot.

1280
01:29:09,697 --> 01:29:12,676
Aww.

1281
01:29:12,677 --> 01:29:15,095
Wait just a minute, Leslie!

1282
01:29:15,096 --> 01:29:18,965
Shut up, you old bag!

1283
01:29:23,716 --> 01:29:26,834
Well, I finally got it running.

1284
01:29:26,835 --> 01:29:28,824
Great!

1285
01:29:28,825 --> 01:29:32,354
At least now I'll
have a place to live.

1286
01:29:32,355 --> 01:29:34,432
But I still don't know how
I'm gonna pay you for it.

1287
01:29:34,459 --> 01:29:35,104
Don't worry.

1288
01:29:35,105 --> 01:29:37,493
We'll work out something.

1289
01:29:37,494 --> 01:29:40,413
Elvira.

1290
01:29:40,414 --> 01:29:46,041
I'm, uh, sorry that I set
you on fire and everything.

1291
01:29:46,042 --> 01:29:48,871
And, uh, I hope there
are no hard feelings.

1292
01:29:48,872 --> 01:29:50,431
Don't worry.

1293
01:29:50,432 --> 01:29:52,561
She's bigger than that.

1294
01:29:52,562 --> 01:29:53,261
Yeah.

1295
01:29:53,262 --> 01:29:54,740
A lot bigger.

1296
01:29:56,561 --> 01:29:58,640
Elvira, I've got
some important papers

1297
01:29:58,641 --> 01:30:00,440
that you're gonna have to sign.

1298
01:30:00,441 --> 01:30:04,579
With your uncle gone, you're
the only heir to his estate.

1299
01:30:04,580 --> 01:30:05,430
I am?

1300
01:30:05,431 --> 01:30:08,799
Not an inconsiderable
one, at that.

1301
01:30:08,800 --> 01:30:10,658
Las Vegas!

1302
01:30:10,659 --> 01:30:12,928
Elvira, that's fantastic!

1303
01:30:12,929 --> 01:30:18,358
Las Vegas!

1304
01:30:23,277 --> 01:30:26,626
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Flaming Hotel

1305
01:30:26,627 --> 01:30:32,895
is proud to present the
Mistress of the Dark, Elvira!

1306
01:30:32,896 --> 01:30:36,975
I've always
dreamed of doing this,

1307
01:30:36,976 --> 01:30:42,375
and now I've got my chance.

1308
01:30:42,376 --> 01:30:48,833
So excuse me while I indulge
myself in a little song

1309
01:30:48,834 --> 01:30:49,834
and dance.

1310
01:31:12,691 --> 01:31:19,149
Well, if you're looking
for trouble, here I am.

1311
01:31:19,150 --> 01:31:23,620
And if you wanna see
double, here I am.

1312
01:31:27,099 --> 01:31:30,578
I don't do what the good girls do.

1313
01:31:30,579 --> 01:31:33,559
Bad dreams really do come true.

1314
01:31:42,507 --> 01:31:45,987
Here I am.

1315
01:31:49,467 --> 01:31:52,935
I'm the bitch in black,
so you better stand back.

1316
01:31:52,936 --> 01:31:54,535
You might get motion
sickness or a heart attack.

1317
01:31:54,536 --> 01:31:56,455
I can really rap up with the
swelling in your pocket,

1318
01:31:56,456 --> 01:31:58,294
make your eyeballs drop
right out of their socket.

1319
01:31:58,295 --> 01:31:59,954
I'm rough, I'm tough,
I'm woman enough.

1320
01:31:59,955 --> 01:32:00,655
Get ready.

1321
01:32:00,655 --> 01:32:01,385
I'm gonna do my stuff.

1322
01:32:01,386 --> 01:32:02,823
I can take it, I can shake it.

1323
01:32:02,824 --> 01:32:03,794
I can cook it, I can bake it.

1324
01:32:03,795 --> 01:32:05,593
If I don't have the
recipe, I'll fake it.

1325
01:32:05,594 --> 01:32:07,093
I'm a volcano that's ready to blow.

1326
01:32:07,094 --> 01:32:08,894
Look out, y'all, 'cause here I go!

1327
01:33:15,085 --> 01:33:16,083
For me?

1328
01:33:28,583 --> 01:33:29,582
Unpleasant dreams.