1 00:01:10,679 --> 00:01:12,242 DIRTY GRANDPA 2 00:02:13,535 --> 00:02:15,100 So I said, "If opposing counsel's 3 00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:17,535 "invoking fiduciary liability precedent 4 00:02:17,536 --> 00:02:19,166 "under the terms of Landgraf v. Henson, 5 00:02:19,168 --> 00:02:22,066 "Your Honor, please, by all means, go ahead, 6 00:02:22,068 --> 00:02:24,201 "rescind the plaintiff's de facto petition 7 00:02:24,202 --> 00:02:25,768 "for injunctive relief." 8 00:02:26,934 --> 00:02:28,500 - It was fun. It was fun. - Yeah. 9 00:02:28,501 --> 00:02:30,065 Excuse me, gentlemen. I'll be right back. 10 00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:32,432 So funny. "Injunctive relief." 11 00:02:32,434 --> 00:02:34,200 That tickled my funny bone. 12 00:02:36,567 --> 00:02:37,732 What's up, Nick? 13 00:02:37,734 --> 00:02:40,266 Fucking sucks dick about Grandma? 14 00:02:41,934 --> 00:02:43,432 Yeah. 15 00:02:43,433 --> 00:02:45,099 Old woman fucking murdered like that. 16 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,131 Nick, she had cancer. 17 00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:48,733 We'll never know the truth. 18 00:02:48,734 --> 00:02:50,597 - We absolutely know the truth. - Yeah. 19 00:02:50,598 --> 00:02:52,497 Grandma had cancer for 10 years. 20 00:02:52,499 --> 00:02:54,067 You don't just die from cancer, Jason! 21 00:02:55,066 --> 00:02:56,565 Calm down... 22 00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:58,998 I'll see you at the crossroads, Grandma. 23 00:02:58,999 --> 00:03:00,798 What are you doing? Are you kidding me? Right now? 24 00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:03,098 Hey, get your shit together! 25 00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:04,798 My dad and my fiancee 26 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,565 are literally standing right next to us. 27 00:03:06,566 --> 00:03:07,831 - Beyonce's here? - No. 28 00:03:09,065 --> 00:03:10,198 What is that? 29 00:03:11,633 --> 00:03:12,863 - What are you doing? - I'm just... 30 00:03:12,865 --> 00:03:13,732 Are you fucking high right now? 31 00:03:13,733 --> 00:03:15,196 No, this isn't... 32 00:03:15,198 --> 00:03:16,730 - You're high as a kite! - It's an e-cigarette. 33 00:03:16,732 --> 00:03:17,930 It's filled with a little weed, 34 00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:19,530 but it's an e-cigarette. 35 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,164 Grow up, man! What are you doing? 36 00:03:21,166 --> 00:03:24,465 "Grow up"? How adult are you? 37 00:03:24,466 --> 00:03:26,763 What, do you listen to NPR in your Volvo? 38 00:03:26,764 --> 00:03:27,830 You play racquetball competitively 39 00:03:27,831 --> 00:03:28,596 against business associates? 40 00:03:28,598 --> 00:03:29,929 No. No. 41 00:03:29,930 --> 00:03:30,828 You ever go away to a rented house 42 00:03:30,830 --> 00:03:32,195 with other couples 43 00:03:32,197 --> 00:03:34,129 and then play Scattergories over a bottle of white wine? 44 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,331 Jason. 45 00:03:41,597 --> 00:03:43,963 I just blew a shot at your grandma's memory. 46 00:04:08,996 --> 00:04:10,261 Poor Grandpa... 47 00:04:32,693 --> 00:04:35,194 Our first reading is from Deuteronomy 30:19. 48 00:04:37,895 --> 00:04:41,625 "This day I call the heavens and the earth 49 00:04:41,627 --> 00:04:43,061 "as a witness against you..." 50 00:04:44,627 --> 00:04:46,158 "...that I have set before you life and death..." 51 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,192 Hey, babe, I found the tie you're going to wear 52 00:04:48,193 --> 00:04:51,024 to the rehearsal brunch Sunday. 53 00:04:51,026 --> 00:04:53,856 Do you like the coral color or the salmon? 54 00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:55,659 "...that the race is not to the swift..." 55 00:04:55,661 --> 00:04:57,058 Either one. 56 00:04:57,059 --> 00:04:58,326 "...nor the battle to the strong." 57 00:04:59,959 --> 00:05:02,558 Babe, what's wrong? 58 00:05:02,559 --> 00:05:04,393 Coral or salmon? 59 00:05:05,591 --> 00:05:06,791 Well, what do you like? 60 00:05:06,793 --> 00:05:08,091 I mean... I like the coral. 61 00:05:08,092 --> 00:05:09,761 That's what I was going to say, too. 62 00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:12,326 - Okay, cool. Okay. - Okay. 63 00:05:14,059 --> 00:05:15,759 Coral it is! 64 00:05:17,492 --> 00:05:18,659 It's going to be a special day. 65 00:05:19,092 --> 00:05:21,523 "...now choose life, 66 00:05:21,525 --> 00:05:24,292 "so that you and your children shall live." 67 00:05:28,190 --> 00:05:30,089 Anyway, I'm down in Valdosta right now. 68 00:05:30,091 --> 00:05:31,723 I opened up a fucking pet shop... 69 00:05:31,725 --> 00:05:33,857 Not pet shop, "puppy mill." 70 00:05:33,858 --> 00:05:35,157 Puppy mill... 71 00:05:35,159 --> 00:05:37,423 You know, designer dogs get a bad name, 72 00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:38,055 but they can go for quite a pretty penny. 73 00:05:38,057 --> 00:05:39,790 Really? 74 00:05:39,792 --> 00:05:41,021 It's just hard to get them to mate. 75 00:05:41,023 --> 00:05:43,524 Because the little dogs, 76 00:05:43,525 --> 00:05:45,589 they don't wanna fuck the big dogs, 77 00:05:45,591 --> 00:05:47,189 and the big dogs, they don't wanna fuck the little dogs... 78 00:05:47,190 --> 00:05:49,988 So I gotta manually do it, you know. 79 00:05:49,990 --> 00:05:52,622 I gotta spread and manually shoot in. 80 00:05:52,623 --> 00:05:54,687 So, what's up with you? 81 00:05:54,689 --> 00:05:55,456 Well, I'm keeping pretty busy... 82 00:05:55,457 --> 00:05:56,587 Cool. 83 00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:58,021 Hey, Diane, 84 00:05:58,022 --> 00:05:59,423 - how's it going? - Hi, Nick. 85 00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:00,621 Hey, Nick. 86 00:06:00,623 --> 00:06:01,855 I just don't understand 87 00:06:01,856 --> 00:06:02,921 why you have to drive down to Florida 88 00:06:02,923 --> 00:06:04,089 tomorrow already, Dad! 89 00:06:04,091 --> 00:06:05,822 We just had the funeral. 90 00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:06,822 Your grandmother and I were there 91 00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:08,088 at this time every year. 92 00:06:08,089 --> 00:06:09,155 It's what she would have wanted. 93 00:06:09,157 --> 00:06:10,488 I'd drive down myself, 94 00:06:10,489 --> 00:06:13,121 except they took my license away. 95 00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:15,420 But why does Jason have to be the one to drive you? 96 00:06:15,421 --> 00:06:16,854 He's so busy at work... 97 00:06:16,856 --> 00:06:18,154 Got the wedding coming up next weekend, 98 00:06:18,154 --> 00:06:19,687 the rehearsal brunch. 99 00:06:19,689 --> 00:06:22,454 You know, the entire law firm is coming to this. 100 00:06:22,455 --> 00:06:23,686 - It's true, Grandpa. - Jason... 101 00:06:23,688 --> 00:06:24,789 We have a lot of stuff, Meredith and I... 102 00:06:24,790 --> 00:06:25,789 I'll handle it. 103 00:06:26,855 --> 00:06:28,553 Go ahead. 104 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:31,421 How about Cousin Nick? Dad? 105 00:06:31,422 --> 00:06:32,986 Why doesn't Nick do it? 106 00:06:32,987 --> 00:06:34,985 We got this chocolate Lab down at the store 107 00:06:34,987 --> 00:06:36,786 that is just so horny, 108 00:06:36,788 --> 00:06:38,187 every time I touch the back of its ear, 109 00:06:38,188 --> 00:06:40,818 it just gushes cum. 110 00:06:40,820 --> 00:06:42,619 - Okay. - I mean, like a squirting... 111 00:06:42,621 --> 00:06:43,788 Is that your dog? 112 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:45,886 Nick isn't legally allowed 113 00:06:45,887 --> 00:06:47,852 to leave the state of Georgia anymore. 114 00:06:47,854 --> 00:06:50,119 I've barely seen this guy since high school. 115 00:06:50,121 --> 00:06:52,019 What's wrong with spending some time with him? 116 00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:53,519 So spending time with family 117 00:06:53,521 --> 00:06:54,920 is suddenly important to you now? 118 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:56,451 Look, he can come here 119 00:06:56,453 --> 00:06:57,352 tomorrow morning for breakfast. 120 00:06:57,354 --> 00:06:59,086 We can drive down to Boca during the day, 121 00:06:59,088 --> 00:07:01,651 maybe play a round of golf or two, 122 00:07:01,653 --> 00:07:03,452 then he'd be back here in Atlanta the next day. 123 00:07:03,453 --> 00:07:05,718 He can't just flake off for two days! 124 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,085 The risk versus reward here is just... 125 00:07:07,087 --> 00:07:09,618 I don't see it happening. 126 00:07:09,620 --> 00:07:11,787 It's what she would have wanted, that's all. 127 00:07:13,786 --> 00:07:16,050 But if you have to get ready for your wedding, 128 00:07:16,052 --> 00:07:17,653 if you're that busy... 129 00:07:26,684 --> 00:07:28,584 I just don't understand why he wants you to take him. 130 00:07:28,586 --> 00:07:30,450 You're not even that close. 131 00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:32,517 Well, we used to be. 132 00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:33,717 Grandpa and I got along growing up. 133 00:07:33,718 --> 00:07:35,649 We used to build these 134 00:07:35,650 --> 00:07:37,783 model trains every Christmas, so I brought him... 135 00:07:37,784 --> 00:07:38,550 Well, it seems like we're cutting it 136 00:07:38,552 --> 00:07:39,983 a little close here, you know, 137 00:07:39,984 --> 00:07:41,150 with the rehearsal brunch on Friday... 138 00:07:41,583 --> 00:07:43,682 I know. I know. 139 00:07:43,684 --> 00:07:45,151 And by the way, I can't find any 140 00:07:45,152 --> 00:07:46,982 of the Martha's Vineyard vacation photos 141 00:07:46,984 --> 00:07:48,516 for the slide show. 142 00:07:48,518 --> 00:07:49,850 I'm just freaking out. 143 00:07:49,850 --> 00:07:50,916 That's because they're on my laptop, 144 00:07:50,918 --> 00:07:52,416 which I've got right here. 145 00:07:52,417 --> 00:07:53,749 So I'll send them to the wedding planner. 146 00:07:53,751 --> 00:07:54,549 You don't have to worry about anything. 147 00:07:54,551 --> 00:07:56,082 Thanks. 148 00:07:56,083 --> 00:07:59,081 And your dad says take 75, because 16 takes forever. 149 00:07:59,083 --> 00:08:01,647 Yeah, I know. He's got it all mapped out for me. 150 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,615 And can you take my car, sweetie? 151 00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,282 I need the SUV for the wine. 152 00:08:20,948 --> 00:08:22,182 Grandpa? 153 00:08:25,948 --> 00:08:27,116 Grandpa? 154 00:08:50,648 --> 00:08:51,782 Grandpa? 155 00:09:02,548 --> 00:09:03,914 Hey! You made it! 156 00:09:05,180 --> 00:09:06,644 Give me a minute... 157 00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:08,680 God! Shit! 158 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:10,714 Grab my ass! 159 00:09:13,879 --> 00:09:15,778 - You ready to hit the road? - I'm really sorry, Grandpa. 160 00:09:15,780 --> 00:09:18,943 I didn't think you'd be doing that. 161 00:09:18,945 --> 00:09:20,677 So you caught me taking a number three. 162 00:09:20,679 --> 00:09:21,811 Big deal, right? 163 00:09:21,812 --> 00:09:23,510 Number three? 164 00:09:23,512 --> 00:09:25,144 Have a drink. 165 00:09:25,146 --> 00:09:28,578 ...No. I'm driving, so... 166 00:09:28,578 --> 00:09:30,744 I just got to finish up my exercises, 167 00:09:30,746 --> 00:09:34,146 and then we'll hop on 16 to 95. 168 00:09:36,110 --> 00:09:39,075 Dad says we should take 75 to 95. It's more direct. 169 00:09:39,077 --> 00:09:41,543 Dad's full of shit. 170 00:09:41,545 --> 00:09:42,646 Grandpa, are you sure you're okay? 171 00:09:45,144 --> 00:09:46,875 Thanks for doing this, by the way. 172 00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:48,143 Those fuckheads down at the DMV 173 00:09:48,145 --> 00:09:49,811 took my goddamn license away 174 00:09:49,812 --> 00:09:51,643 because of these fucking cataracts in my eye. 175 00:09:51,645 --> 00:09:52,875 But I can still hit the shit 176 00:09:52,877 --> 00:09:54,509 out of a golf ball, that's for sure! 177 00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:55,909 I made a tee time for us in Florida 178 00:09:55,911 --> 00:09:57,875 for this afternoon. 179 00:09:57,876 --> 00:09:59,542 You can use your grandmother's lady clubs, 180 00:09:59,543 --> 00:10:00,942 they're right there by the front door. 181 00:10:00,944 --> 00:10:02,211 Okay. 182 00:10:03,542 --> 00:10:05,142 All right, you ready? 183 00:10:05,144 --> 00:10:06,841 I thought the plan was to have breakfast here? 184 00:10:06,842 --> 00:10:08,508 That's your breakfast. 185 00:10:08,509 --> 00:10:10,076 Now let's go get in that giant labia you drove up in 186 00:10:10,078 --> 00:10:11,211 and get the fuck out of here. 187 00:10:23,810 --> 00:10:26,675 You sure I should be driving with this, Grandpa? 188 00:10:26,676 --> 00:10:28,509 Don't worry, if you spill it, 189 00:10:28,510 --> 00:10:29,742 this giant tampon we're driving in should soak it up. 190 00:10:37,443 --> 00:10:41,473 Just finishing a work email 191 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:44,408 for the Steinhart file... 192 00:10:46,908 --> 00:10:48,775 So you're a lawyer at your dad's firm now, is that right? 193 00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,571 That's right, and Meredith is too. 194 00:10:51,573 --> 00:10:52,705 You know, her dad is one of 195 00:10:52,706 --> 00:10:53,872 the managing partners there, so... 196 00:10:53,874 --> 00:10:55,840 - I know, that's... - Yeah. 197 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:58,838 It couldn't have worked out better. 198 00:10:58,839 --> 00:10:59,539 Because it's just that I remember 199 00:10:59,541 --> 00:11:01,105 when you were in high school, 200 00:11:01,106 --> 00:11:02,638 you told me how much you wanted to be a photographer, 201 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,274 travel the world. That sort of thing. 202 00:11:05,573 --> 00:11:06,605 You remember when I got you that subscription 203 00:11:06,606 --> 00:11:07,773 to Time magazine? 204 00:11:09,074 --> 00:11:12,170 Yeah, I used to be into photography, but... 205 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,505 I mean, with Dad being at the firm, pfft, 206 00:11:14,506 --> 00:11:15,805 it just made so much more sense 207 00:11:15,807 --> 00:11:17,772 to focus on a college curriculum 208 00:11:17,773 --> 00:11:19,537 that stressed the law school track. 209 00:11:19,538 --> 00:11:20,971 I mean, I love what I do, Grandpa. 210 00:11:20,973 --> 00:11:22,004 Being a corporate lawyer is awesome, 211 00:11:22,005 --> 00:11:23,740 I get to handle SEC compliance... 212 00:11:24,173 --> 00:11:25,289 No shit! 213 00:11:25,291 --> 00:11:26,438 Yeah. Yeah. 214 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,504 You handle SEC compliance? 215 00:11:28,505 --> 00:11:29,705 LP agreements. 216 00:11:29,707 --> 00:11:31,904 Man, I didn't know that. 217 00:11:31,906 --> 00:11:33,157 LLC agreements. 218 00:11:33,158 --> 00:11:34,437 You're shitting me! 219 00:11:34,438 --> 00:11:36,138 Being a corporate lawyer, it's got its upsides. 220 00:11:37,539 --> 00:11:38,170 You know what I'd rather do? 221 00:11:38,172 --> 00:11:39,969 What? 222 00:11:39,971 --> 00:11:42,703 I'd rather let Queen Latifah shit in my mouth 223 00:11:42,705 --> 00:11:44,071 from a fucking hot air balloon. 224 00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:47,835 That's me. I'm gonna hit the liquor store over there, 225 00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:49,102 get some more of the creature. 226 00:11:49,103 --> 00:11:50,835 Meet you back at the Dildomobile in five. 227 00:11:50,837 --> 00:11:53,371 You're paying the check, Alan Douche-owitz. 228 00:11:56,638 --> 00:11:59,736 Where do I know that guy from? He looks so familiar. 229 00:11:59,738 --> 00:12:01,735 He looks like Abercrombie fucked Fitch. 230 00:12:01,737 --> 00:12:04,504 Yeah, while J.Crew J'd-off. 231 00:12:04,505 --> 00:12:05,938 Shit! No, you guys, he was... It's so funny. 232 00:12:06,537 --> 00:12:08,001 He was my lab partner 233 00:12:08,003 --> 00:12:09,836 in photography class, freshman year. 234 00:12:09,837 --> 00:12:12,834 No shit! He's a Florida alum? 235 00:12:12,836 --> 00:12:15,069 Lenore, you can totally finish the trifecta. 236 00:12:15,070 --> 00:12:17,534 My God, I already have alum, remember? 237 00:12:17,536 --> 00:12:19,868 I fucked that crying divorced guy, Tony. 238 00:12:19,870 --> 00:12:21,602 - With the big balls. - Right. Yeah. 239 00:12:21,604 --> 00:12:22,768 - In the porta-potty. - Yeah. 240 00:12:22,769 --> 00:12:24,000 - At the tailgate. - Yeah. 241 00:12:24,002 --> 00:12:25,602 I need a professor. 242 00:12:25,603 --> 00:12:27,003 Wait, I'm sorry. What's the trifecta again? 243 00:12:28,503 --> 00:12:30,601 It's this thing I read about 244 00:12:30,603 --> 00:12:32,933 where in my senior year I have to fuck a freshman, 245 00:12:32,934 --> 00:12:34,732 an alumni, and a professor. 246 00:12:34,734 --> 00:12:36,368 - Where did you read that? - In my diary. 247 00:12:38,601 --> 00:12:40,134 - Where I wrote it... - Yeah. 248 00:12:40,136 --> 00:12:42,833 He used to take the most beautiful portraits 249 00:12:42,835 --> 00:12:44,833 without using any filters or Photoshop... 250 00:12:44,834 --> 00:12:46,102 I've read your diary. 251 00:12:46,568 --> 00:12:47,733 He was amazing. 252 00:12:47,735 --> 00:12:48,967 My God, you did? 253 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,134 - Yeah. - Did you like it? 254 00:12:50,135 --> 00:12:52,165 You guys aren't listening. I'm gonna go say hi to him. 255 00:12:52,167 --> 00:12:53,900 - Okay? - Slut... 256 00:12:55,401 --> 00:12:58,165 I hope you don't get Tommy Hilfingered. 257 00:12:58,166 --> 00:13:00,733 That was really late, but it still counts. 258 00:13:00,734 --> 00:13:02,766 Just like all my periods... 259 00:13:02,767 --> 00:13:03,767 - Ew. - What? 260 00:13:07,434 --> 00:13:10,498 Hi. How are you? 261 00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:12,899 Good. Here you go, you can keep the change. 262 00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:15,700 No, no, no. I'm not... You... 263 00:13:18,134 --> 00:13:19,200 Okay. 264 00:13:23,731 --> 00:13:25,629 Guys? Guys, listen to me. 265 00:13:25,631 --> 00:13:27,030 What? 266 00:13:27,031 --> 00:13:28,663 - Let's go. - Bitch, what? 267 00:13:28,665 --> 00:13:30,099 - Shut the fuck up! Go! - My God! 268 00:13:32,966 --> 00:13:34,897 You all set? 269 00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:38,429 Yeah, I just gave my money to the other waitress, sorry. 270 00:13:38,431 --> 00:13:40,797 There is no other waitress. 271 00:13:40,799 --> 00:13:44,497 I'm the only one who's ever worked here. Ever... 272 00:13:44,498 --> 00:13:46,131 Shit! The fucking piece of shit car never starts! 273 00:13:46,731 --> 00:13:47,898 Hey! 274 00:13:48,464 --> 00:13:50,163 Hey! 275 00:13:50,164 --> 00:13:52,932 God, he's like a Mitt Romney Terminator. 276 00:13:54,165 --> 00:13:56,497 Excuse me! 277 00:13:56,499 --> 00:13:58,100 Sorry, my shift is actually over, so... Sorry... 278 00:13:59,398 --> 00:14:00,798 - No way. - What? 279 00:14:01,730 --> 00:14:02,896 I know you. 280 00:14:02,897 --> 00:14:04,095 No. 281 00:14:04,096 --> 00:14:05,562 Yeah, I do. You were in my photography class. 282 00:14:05,564 --> 00:14:07,765 You took all those landscapes. Right? 283 00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:10,163 Shadia. 284 00:14:10,531 --> 00:14:11,862 Yeah. Shadia. 285 00:14:11,863 --> 00:14:14,430 Holy shit, you're Shadia? 286 00:14:14,431 --> 00:14:15,827 - Yeah. Shadia. - Shadia. 287 00:14:15,829 --> 00:14:16,962 Jamba! 288 00:14:16,963 --> 00:14:18,494 What the fuck! 289 00:14:18,496 --> 00:14:20,962 Shadia. It means "singer" in Arabic. 290 00:14:20,964 --> 00:14:22,163 Or in ancient Arabic, 291 00:14:22,164 --> 00:14:24,962 "al-munshida alati tunadi lel-mei." 292 00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:27,029 Or, "she whose name calls others to water." 293 00:14:27,029 --> 00:14:28,527 That's actually right. 294 00:14:28,528 --> 00:14:30,061 Shadia, this is my... 295 00:14:30,063 --> 00:14:31,663 Dr. Richards. I teach history at the University of Georgia. 296 00:14:32,629 --> 00:14:34,626 You're a professor? 297 00:14:34,628 --> 00:14:36,029 Yeah. Why? You looking for some extra credit? 298 00:14:37,864 --> 00:14:39,795 Jason and I are doing a story on the Middle East. 299 00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:42,594 He's a photographer for Time magazine. 300 00:14:42,595 --> 00:14:45,493 You know, I lost my virginity at my pop-pop's bingo night. 301 00:14:45,495 --> 00:14:46,328 My name's Lenore. 302 00:14:47,795 --> 00:14:49,393 "The rare and radiant maiden 303 00:14:49,394 --> 00:14:51,759 "whom the angels named Lenore" 304 00:14:51,761 --> 00:14:53,094 "Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore'" 305 00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,059 Diplomaticos? 306 00:14:56,060 --> 00:14:59,825 Hey, you know your cigars. 307 00:14:59,826 --> 00:15:00,924 What are you, half Cuban or something? 308 00:15:00,926 --> 00:15:02,695 Actually, I am, Professor. 309 00:15:06,593 --> 00:15:07,993 - The bottom half. - Okay. 310 00:15:07,995 --> 00:15:09,792 - Okay, yeah, we're heading out. - Yeah. 311 00:15:09,793 --> 00:15:11,591 Good to see you. We're going to Daytona Beach for the week. 312 00:15:11,593 --> 00:15:12,526 My God, and we should have been there 313 00:15:12,527 --> 00:15:14,025 three fucking hours ago, 314 00:15:14,027 --> 00:15:15,793 so let's go, bitches! 315 00:15:15,794 --> 00:15:17,177 Holy shit. 316 00:15:17,179 --> 00:15:18,592 What? 317 00:15:18,594 --> 00:15:20,826 Nothing. You're just really gay. 318 00:15:20,827 --> 00:15:24,457 Am I? Thanks, Captain Gaydar. 319 00:15:24,459 --> 00:15:26,860 Jesus! You know, I'm also black, right? 320 00:15:26,861 --> 00:15:29,091 Yeah, I know. That's funny too. 321 00:15:29,092 --> 00:15:31,093 So you guys wanna tag along for a bit maybe? 322 00:15:31,894 --> 00:15:33,823 Party some babies into us? 323 00:15:33,825 --> 00:15:35,023 - Absolutely not! - Absolutely not! 324 00:15:35,024 --> 00:15:36,291 Why? 325 00:15:36,293 --> 00:15:37,592 We have 326 00:15:37,593 --> 00:15:39,725 - a very important tee time. - Of course you do. 327 00:15:39,726 --> 00:15:41,424 And do you also have to take a nap before you play Mahjong? 328 00:15:41,426 --> 00:15:42,491 - No, it's shuffleboard. - Shuffleboard. 329 00:15:42,493 --> 00:15:44,491 And then early dinner at 4:00. 330 00:15:44,493 --> 00:15:46,525 We have a long-standing bet. Who's the better golfer. 331 00:15:46,526 --> 00:15:48,758 Obviously I've got the bigger 3-wood... 332 00:15:48,759 --> 00:15:50,022 Good. Maybe you can use it to hit your balls 333 00:15:50,024 --> 00:15:51,890 right into my vagina. 334 00:15:51,891 --> 00:15:53,790 - Holy shit! - Okay, we're going inside now. 335 00:15:53,792 --> 00:15:55,456 - Jesus! - Let's go. That's enough. 336 00:15:55,457 --> 00:15:56,958 - Bye, Professor. - Thanks for lunch. 337 00:15:57,492 --> 00:15:58,627 Peace! 338 00:16:00,892 --> 00:16:02,723 - Nice girl. - Yeah. 339 00:16:15,457 --> 00:16:19,554 Well? How do I look? 340 00:16:19,556 --> 00:16:21,623 Like the keynote speaker at a buttfucking convention. 341 00:16:21,624 --> 00:16:22,954 - What? - What? 342 00:16:22,956 --> 00:16:24,156 - What? - What? 343 00:16:25,389 --> 00:16:25,988 We're gonna write in the first hole, 344 00:16:25,990 --> 00:16:27,756 it's an easy par-4. 345 00:16:27,757 --> 00:16:29,621 - No, no, no, no. Hey... - Jump in. 346 00:16:29,623 --> 00:16:30,955 This is against the rules, Grandpa. 347 00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:32,388 Fuck the rules. Jump in. Come on. 348 00:16:32,390 --> 00:16:34,656 Not to mention, a breach in golf etiquette. 349 00:16:36,056 --> 00:16:37,755 Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep! 350 00:16:37,757 --> 00:16:38,821 - Hey! - Out of my way, buttfuckers! 351 00:16:38,822 --> 00:16:40,055 Really? What are you doing? 352 00:16:40,057 --> 00:16:42,421 We gotta get this guy to his buttfucking convention. 353 00:16:42,422 --> 00:16:43,820 What are you trying to do, man? 354 00:16:43,822 --> 00:16:45,388 What was that all about? 355 00:16:45,389 --> 00:16:47,820 Hey. Now there's a million-dollar swing! 356 00:16:47,821 --> 00:16:49,520 I'm sorry! 357 00:16:49,522 --> 00:16:50,920 You can go in front of us if you want to. 358 00:16:50,921 --> 00:16:52,986 We are not very good. 359 00:16:52,988 --> 00:16:54,387 No, it's a good cut, 360 00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:56,952 you're just not bending your knees enough. 361 00:16:56,954 --> 00:16:58,552 I'm a licensed golf pro. You mind if I show you? 362 00:16:58,554 --> 00:16:59,822 Yes, please. 363 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:03,953 Maybe bend over a little bit... Here. 364 00:17:03,955 --> 00:17:05,620 That feels about right, doesn't it? 365 00:17:05,621 --> 00:17:07,620 Hands on my shaft... The shaft. 366 00:17:08,754 --> 00:17:10,385 Let me just get my finger in there. 367 00:17:10,387 --> 00:17:13,155 One, two, three... 368 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,851 My God! Did you see that? Thank you! 369 00:17:17,853 --> 00:17:19,818 How long have you been teaching golf? 370 00:17:19,819 --> 00:17:22,084 Ever since I retired from being an astronaut. 371 00:17:22,086 --> 00:17:24,287 It's nice to see some heavenly bodies around here too. 372 00:17:25,718 --> 00:17:26,818 Hey, Grandpa, don't you think we should 373 00:17:26,820 --> 00:17:27,986 probably start golfing soon... 374 00:17:28,818 --> 00:17:30,517 What the fuck? 375 00:17:30,519 --> 00:17:32,119 Wanna be a lamb and get that for me? 376 00:17:32,121 --> 00:17:33,119 Did he just call you "Grandpa"? 377 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,751 Who, Pepe? 378 00:17:34,753 --> 00:17:36,650 He's a retard. Got it pretty bad, too. 379 00:17:36,652 --> 00:17:39,517 He thinks I'm his grandpa. 380 00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:42,118 He usually sits at home just drawing dolphins all day. 381 00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:44,017 We used to let him out on his own, 382 00:17:44,018 --> 00:17:46,085 but the raping got so bad that we just... 383 00:17:48,618 --> 00:17:50,650 Got it. 384 00:17:50,651 --> 00:17:51,550 - You guys want a refill? - Sure. 385 00:17:51,552 --> 00:17:52,550 Absolutely! 386 00:17:52,552 --> 00:17:53,686 BRB! 387 00:17:56,018 --> 00:17:57,383 I'm sorry about my grandpa. 388 00:17:57,385 --> 00:17:59,816 He's... He's not doing too well. 389 00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:02,384 My grandma just passed and the funeral was yesterday. 390 00:18:04,519 --> 00:18:06,619 I'm actually a lawyer, not a retard. 391 00:18:08,018 --> 00:18:09,583 I handle of lot of important issues. 392 00:18:09,584 --> 00:18:12,682 SEC compliance, 393 00:18:12,684 --> 00:18:14,851 LLC agreements. LP agreements. That sort of stuff. 394 00:18:17,485 --> 00:18:19,850 Yeah, well, I think we're gonna get going. 395 00:18:21,385 --> 00:18:22,884 - Nice to meet you, Pepe. - Nice... 396 00:18:25,483 --> 00:18:27,016 Fuck! 397 00:18:28,516 --> 00:18:29,850 What happened? 398 00:18:30,750 --> 00:18:31,949 Why are they going? What did you do? 399 00:18:31,950 --> 00:18:33,882 What? I told them the truth. 400 00:18:33,883 --> 00:18:35,581 I told them that I'm getting married next week, 401 00:18:35,583 --> 00:18:38,482 and you're not well because your wife just died. 402 00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:39,982 What are you, fucking vagina repellent? 403 00:18:39,983 --> 00:18:41,049 Those cougars wanted to party! 404 00:18:41,050 --> 00:18:42,547 - They wanted to party? - Yes! 405 00:18:42,548 --> 00:18:44,014 Do you hear yourself? 406 00:18:44,015 --> 00:18:45,148 Grandpa, are you kidding me right now? Grandma... 407 00:18:45,149 --> 00:18:46,613 I'm trying to listen to myself. 408 00:18:46,615 --> 00:18:48,146 Grandma's funeral was yesterday! 409 00:18:48,148 --> 00:18:49,880 Now you wanna hit on college girls? 410 00:18:49,882 --> 00:18:52,846 You're jerking off to porn? 411 00:18:52,848 --> 00:18:54,715 - What's wrong with you? - Jason, I want to fuck! 412 00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:55,980 My God... 413 00:18:55,982 --> 00:18:57,580 For the first time in 40 years 414 00:18:57,581 --> 00:18:59,513 I'm single and I want to fuck. 415 00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:00,813 I want to fuck 416 00:19:00,815 --> 00:19:02,779 until my dick falls off. 417 00:19:02,780 --> 00:19:05,446 I want to fuck a horse and I wanna drink its blood! 418 00:19:05,447 --> 00:19:06,679 I'm gonna throw up. 419 00:19:06,681 --> 00:19:07,880 I was faithful to your grandmother 420 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,579 every day for 40 years, 421 00:19:10,580 --> 00:19:12,845 even through the menopause, even through the cancer. 422 00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:14,112 She was the love of my life. 423 00:19:14,114 --> 00:19:16,113 I'll miss her every goddamn day. 424 00:19:16,115 --> 00:19:18,113 But she told me on her deathbed, 425 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:20,146 "You get back out there again." 426 00:19:20,147 --> 00:19:22,879 I haven't had sex in 15 years, Jason, 427 00:19:22,881 --> 00:19:24,611 and I want to fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 428 00:19:24,613 --> 00:19:26,579 So that's what this is all about? 429 00:19:26,580 --> 00:19:28,545 This whole thing. You didn't want to be with me. 430 00:19:28,547 --> 00:19:29,911 You wanted me to drive you down to Boca 431 00:19:29,913 --> 00:19:31,412 so I could be your fucking wingman? 432 00:19:31,413 --> 00:19:32,513 Well, obviously I made a bad decision 433 00:19:32,513 --> 00:19:33,846 because you're nothing but a cock-blocking machine. 434 00:19:33,848 --> 00:19:35,444 I don't know what you are. 435 00:19:35,445 --> 00:19:37,010 You're like the Israeli Iron Dome defense system, 436 00:19:37,011 --> 00:19:38,643 but with vaginas instead of missiles. 437 00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:39,811 - What? - You're like some sort of 438 00:19:39,813 --> 00:19:41,411 Cock-blocking Terminator 439 00:19:41,412 --> 00:19:42,179 sent back from the future to cock-block humans. 440 00:19:43,612 --> 00:19:44,411 The robots should have sent you 441 00:19:44,413 --> 00:19:46,044 instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger, 442 00:19:46,046 --> 00:19:48,379 you could have cock-blocked John Connor's parents 443 00:19:48,380 --> 00:19:49,111 and he would never have been born! 444 00:19:49,113 --> 00:19:50,709 Shut up, Grandpa! 445 00:19:50,711 --> 00:19:51,744 - Shut up! - What got into you? 446 00:19:51,745 --> 00:19:52,909 I remember you in high school, 447 00:19:52,911 --> 00:19:53,845 you were ripping people's dicks off 448 00:19:53,846 --> 00:19:55,443 on the football field, 449 00:19:55,445 --> 00:19:57,443 talking about traveling the world! 450 00:19:57,444 --> 00:19:59,043 Now you're pushing some papers at a fucking law firm 451 00:19:59,045 --> 00:20:00,476 and probably peeing sitting down. 452 00:20:00,477 --> 00:20:01,310 Grandpa, I don't know what you thought 453 00:20:01,312 --> 00:20:02,910 this weekend was going to be about, 454 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:03,876 but I came here for one reason, 455 00:20:03,878 --> 00:20:05,410 to get you to Boca. 456 00:20:05,411 --> 00:20:06,641 That's it. 457 00:20:06,643 --> 00:20:08,111 Fine. 458 00:20:08,112 --> 00:20:09,378 Now can I please play some golf? 459 00:20:09,777 --> 00:20:10,976 - Fucking golf. - Okay. 460 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:12,143 Cocky McBlockerson. 461 00:20:18,477 --> 00:20:19,678 What the fuck? 462 00:20:22,911 --> 00:20:24,078 Bam! 463 00:20:26,143 --> 00:20:27,743 Who does your taxes? H&R Cock-block? 464 00:20:29,009 --> 00:20:30,243 Stop it. 465 00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:36,276 Bam! 466 00:20:37,775 --> 00:20:39,508 Are you still Jenny from the cock-block? 467 00:20:39,510 --> 00:20:41,844 What the fuck! What is your obsession with my ass? 468 00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,210 Your vibrator's on. 469 00:20:45,876 --> 00:20:47,007 You can't get into it anyway 470 00:20:47,008 --> 00:20:48,275 because you don't know my code. 471 00:20:49,042 --> 00:20:50,873 Looks like your grandpa remembered your birthday! 472 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,041 What? Give me that! 473 00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:53,309 We're going to fucking Daytona. 474 00:20:55,609 --> 00:20:56,840 We're not going to Daytona, 475 00:20:56,841 --> 00:20:59,141 because I've got the keys to the golf cart. 476 00:21:02,475 --> 00:21:03,742 What are you doing? 477 00:21:04,875 --> 00:21:06,108 Hey. 478 00:21:06,110 --> 00:21:07,740 How'd you do that? 479 00:21:07,741 --> 00:21:09,538 Coming or staying, Jack Dicklaus? 480 00:21:09,540 --> 00:21:10,706 - Grandpa? - Hurry up, Bubba Twatson. 481 00:21:10,708 --> 00:21:11,907 Grandpa, stop. 482 00:21:11,908 --> 00:21:12,940 Gary Player-with-my-balls. 483 00:21:12,941 --> 00:21:14,407 Stop the cart! 484 00:21:14,408 --> 00:21:15,706 Fred Couples-of-big-dicks- in-your-ass. 485 00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:17,538 My God. Grandpa! Stop! 486 00:21:17,540 --> 00:21:19,642 Michelle Wies-all-over-my-face. 487 00:21:40,505 --> 00:21:42,636 Now, this is what I'm fucking talking about. 488 00:21:42,638 --> 00:21:44,637 This is so fucked up. 489 00:21:44,638 --> 00:21:46,072 Calm down, you'll get to hang out 490 00:21:46,073 --> 00:21:47,603 with that gypsy girl you like. 491 00:21:47,605 --> 00:21:49,037 - I don't like her. - Yes, you do. 492 00:21:49,039 --> 00:21:50,139 That's why you didn't deny 493 00:21:50,140 --> 00:21:51,839 being a photographer for Time magazine. 494 00:21:51,839 --> 00:21:53,105 You can hang out with her, 495 00:21:53,107 --> 00:21:55,071 I can have vaginal sex with Lenore. 496 00:21:55,073 --> 00:21:56,437 It all works out! We can even go visit 497 00:21:56,439 --> 00:21:57,940 my old army buddy, Stinky. 498 00:21:58,145 --> 00:21:59,746 Stinky? 499 00:22:01,412 --> 00:22:02,778 Which tiki bar are they in? 500 00:22:03,945 --> 00:22:05,176 Shit. Shit. Shit. 501 00:22:05,177 --> 00:22:06,943 - What's that? - It's Meredith. 502 00:22:06,945 --> 00:22:07,576 Please, I've got to answer that. 503 00:22:07,577 --> 00:22:08,575 Tell her to fuck off. 504 00:22:08,577 --> 00:22:10,009 Grandpa! 505 00:22:10,011 --> 00:22:11,342 I'm just gonna check 506 00:22:11,344 --> 00:22:12,908 the testosterone levels on your phone first. 507 00:22:12,909 --> 00:22:13,908 Grandpa, give me my phone now! 508 00:22:13,910 --> 00:22:15,441 Just as I thought. Pretty low. 509 00:22:15,442 --> 00:22:17,507 This is Meredith calling... Shit! 510 00:22:17,509 --> 00:22:19,041 Now, look what you did, 511 00:22:19,043 --> 00:22:20,575 you dropped it in the car's vagina. 512 00:22:20,576 --> 00:22:21,307 God damn it, I have to put it on speaker. 513 00:22:21,309 --> 00:22:22,472 Don't say anything. 514 00:22:22,474 --> 00:22:24,607 I will not say a word. 515 00:22:25,909 --> 00:22:27,308 Ballbags! 516 00:22:27,309 --> 00:22:30,006 Hey! Who was that? 517 00:22:30,007 --> 00:22:31,104 No one. We're in a restaurant. Sorry. 518 00:22:31,106 --> 00:22:32,373 "Who's that?" 519 00:22:32,906 --> 00:22:34,370 - What's up? - Okay... 520 00:22:34,372 --> 00:22:35,904 Well, I really want them 521 00:22:35,906 --> 00:22:37,271 to post our wedding announcement 522 00:22:37,272 --> 00:22:38,838 on the New York Times website 523 00:22:38,839 --> 00:22:40,538 before our rehearsal brunch Friday, 524 00:22:40,540 --> 00:22:43,038 so I just wanted to run your section back to you. 525 00:22:43,039 --> 00:22:44,937 Yeah, you know, now's really not a good time... 526 00:22:44,938 --> 00:22:47,371 Jason? Can we just do this please? 527 00:22:47,372 --> 00:22:48,573 "Can we do this now?" 528 00:22:49,939 --> 00:22:52,601 "Jason Richard Kelly, son of..." 529 00:22:52,603 --> 00:22:54,433 "Doctor Smegma Von BoxMunchers." 530 00:22:54,435 --> 00:22:56,936 "David and Brooke, 531 00:22:56,938 --> 00:22:59,968 "is a junior associate at the law firm of..." 532 00:22:59,969 --> 00:23:02,168 "Cream pie fart and donkey punch!" 533 00:23:02,169 --> 00:23:03,334 Okay, who is that? 534 00:23:03,336 --> 00:23:04,601 It's no one. It's a waiter 535 00:23:04,602 --> 00:23:07,302 with pretty bad Tourette's, I think... 536 00:23:08,534 --> 00:23:10,164 He just keeps walking by yelling weird shit, 537 00:23:10,166 --> 00:23:12,034 I don't know why... 538 00:23:12,036 --> 00:23:14,099 Okay, well, what restaurant are you at? 539 00:23:14,100 --> 00:23:15,465 I can barely even hear you now. 540 00:23:15,467 --> 00:23:16,567 We're at Chuck E. Cheese's... 541 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,498 Daytona fucking Beach! 542 00:23:19,500 --> 00:23:22,096 Daytona fucking Beach! You're right, buddy! 543 00:23:22,097 --> 00:23:24,531 You're in Daytona Beach? 544 00:23:25,965 --> 00:23:27,397 Listen, we're just driving through Daytona Beach. 545 00:23:27,398 --> 00:23:28,263 We're en route to Grandpa's... 546 00:23:28,265 --> 00:23:29,529 Jason! 547 00:23:29,531 --> 00:23:31,263 I don't know why you're there, 548 00:23:31,265 --> 00:23:34,062 but you'd better call me from your grandfather's house 549 00:23:34,063 --> 00:23:35,030 when you get there tonight, okay? 550 00:23:35,032 --> 00:23:36,396 Of course, baby. 551 00:23:36,398 --> 00:23:37,665 I love you so much... 552 00:23:38,330 --> 00:23:39,995 - Fuck! - Marriage is hard. 553 00:23:39,996 --> 00:23:41,596 What'd the hot college girls text back? 554 00:23:42,596 --> 00:23:43,528 Grandpa, what are you texting them? 555 00:23:43,530 --> 00:23:44,728 I just texted them. 556 00:23:44,729 --> 00:23:46,995 What are you texting them? "We'll meet you on the beach." 557 00:23:46,996 --> 00:23:48,493 Yeah, and I added the emoji 558 00:23:48,495 --> 00:23:49,761 with the wink and the tongue out. 559 00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:52,526 I'm not kidding, Grandpa. 560 00:23:52,528 --> 00:23:53,960 You realize that if I don't call her 561 00:23:53,962 --> 00:23:55,360 from your house in Boca tonight, 562 00:23:55,361 --> 00:23:57,225 I'm fucked, man, I'm fucked. 563 00:23:57,225 --> 00:23:58,858 Jesus. Sounds like you're marrying 564 00:23:58,860 --> 00:24:00,858 your fucking parole officer. 565 00:24:00,860 --> 00:24:02,592 It's just Meredith. It's the way she is, man. 566 00:24:02,594 --> 00:24:05,057 She just gets, like, anxious 567 00:24:05,059 --> 00:24:06,559 when she doesn't know exactly where I am. 568 00:24:07,492 --> 00:24:09,356 Don't panic. It's organic. 569 00:24:09,358 --> 00:24:11,189 Yeah, I know. Couples get in fights all the time. 570 00:24:11,191 --> 00:24:12,324 But it's different with Meredith. 571 00:24:12,325 --> 00:24:14,122 She takes it to another level, man, 572 00:24:14,124 --> 00:24:14,956 and I'm telling you, if I don't call her 573 00:24:14,957 --> 00:24:16,855 from your house in Boca, I'm screwed. 574 00:24:16,857 --> 00:24:18,457 Well, ain't nobody got time for that. 575 00:24:19,290 --> 00:24:21,054 Yeah, I know. Clearly. 576 00:24:21,055 --> 00:24:22,420 Which is why I don't understand 577 00:24:22,422 --> 00:24:24,154 how we got so far off schedule. 578 00:24:24,156 --> 00:24:26,586 ...Sometimes life is just a fart zone, 579 00:24:26,588 --> 00:24:27,489 and you enter at your own risk. 580 00:24:30,323 --> 00:24:31,288 Have you been reading shit 581 00:24:31,289 --> 00:24:33,119 off the shot glasses and the shirts in here 582 00:24:33,121 --> 00:24:35,085 and just saying it like it's wisdom? 583 00:24:35,087 --> 00:24:36,451 I was seriously trying to talk to you, man. 584 00:24:36,453 --> 00:24:38,085 Do you realize the stakes here? 585 00:24:38,087 --> 00:24:39,253 You're ridiculous! 586 00:24:39,254 --> 00:24:40,452 Smile. 587 00:24:40,453 --> 00:24:43,219 You've had a phone this entire fucking time? 588 00:24:43,221 --> 00:24:44,919 What else don't I know about you? 589 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:46,516 How the hell do you know how to speak Arabic? 590 00:24:46,518 --> 00:24:48,150 Dad's never said anything about that. 591 00:24:48,151 --> 00:24:49,283 That's because your dad 592 00:24:49,285 --> 00:24:51,151 doesn't really know much about me. 593 00:24:51,152 --> 00:24:52,450 I was away with the army during most of his childhood. 594 00:24:52,451 --> 00:24:54,418 So we were never that close. 595 00:24:55,818 --> 00:24:57,085 Is that why he doesn't like you? 596 00:25:00,416 --> 00:25:02,349 Anybody work here? 597 00:25:02,351 --> 00:25:04,147 Okay, everybody on the fucking floor! 598 00:25:04,148 --> 00:25:06,146 This is a goddamn robbery! 599 00:25:06,148 --> 00:25:08,183 On the fucking ground! 600 00:25:11,583 --> 00:25:14,480 My God, you should see your faces! 601 00:25:14,482 --> 00:25:17,013 I just left to grab lunch and a new horse mask. 602 00:25:17,015 --> 00:25:20,080 I left mine at the beach the other day. Whoo! 603 00:25:20,081 --> 00:25:21,715 I thought you were gonna shit your pants, little guy. 604 00:25:22,414 --> 00:25:23,447 Gun's real though. 605 00:25:24,879 --> 00:25:26,146 What the fuck, man! 606 00:25:26,578 --> 00:25:29,078 Relax, this is Florida. 607 00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,145 Everything's a licensed gun range. 608 00:25:31,146 --> 00:25:32,976 You just shot through a wall, man! 609 00:25:32,978 --> 00:25:34,509 - Hey... - There's pedestrians outside! 610 00:25:34,511 --> 00:25:38,409 Yeah, again, it's Florida! These people don't matter. 611 00:25:38,410 --> 00:25:40,175 - What? - So? 612 00:25:40,177 --> 00:25:42,275 Welcome to Tam Pam Surf Slam. 613 00:25:42,277 --> 00:25:43,976 What can I do for you gentlemen? I'm Pam. 614 00:25:43,977 --> 00:25:45,073 You're Pam? 615 00:25:45,075 --> 00:25:46,275 Yeah. It's a nickname. 616 00:25:46,276 --> 00:25:47,308 Real name's Pamela. 617 00:25:50,242 --> 00:25:53,374 Hey, no, guys! Absolutely not! 618 00:25:53,375 --> 00:25:59,207 I will not ever sell you drugs out of this establishment! 619 00:25:59,209 --> 00:26:00,573 We didn't ask you to sell us drugs. 620 00:26:00,575 --> 00:26:02,439 Okay, cool. You're not cops. 621 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:07,104 In which case, welcome to drugs! 622 00:26:07,106 --> 00:26:09,105 - My God. - Now, I'm pretty cool, 623 00:26:09,106 --> 00:26:11,205 So I only sell the stuff that occurs naturally. 624 00:26:11,206 --> 00:26:13,471 So I got weed, I got mushrooms, I got meth. 625 00:26:13,472 --> 00:26:15,104 - Meth? - Yeah. 626 00:26:15,106 --> 00:26:16,270 How is that natural? 627 00:26:16,272 --> 00:26:17,370 Well, it occurs naturally 628 00:26:17,372 --> 00:26:18,469 in my cousin's basement in Baltimore, 629 00:26:18,471 --> 00:26:20,469 if you know what I mean. 630 00:26:20,471 --> 00:26:22,568 I'm taking this and this because you shot at me. 631 00:26:22,570 --> 00:26:24,270 I'm sorry. I almost shot you. 632 00:26:25,804 --> 00:26:27,301 What are you going to do, cry all the way home, handsome? 633 00:26:27,303 --> 00:26:28,503 I'm also giving you zero stars on Yelp. 634 00:26:28,504 --> 00:26:30,235 What a dick. 635 00:26:59,063 --> 00:27:00,363 - Hey. - Hey. 636 00:27:00,365 --> 00:27:02,230 Hi, Professor. 637 00:27:02,231 --> 00:27:04,029 Well, there's the prettiest little girl on the beach. 638 00:27:04,031 --> 00:27:05,529 Thank you. 639 00:27:05,530 --> 00:27:07,262 I was actually talking to him. 640 00:27:07,264 --> 00:27:10,962 Yup! Immediately offensive. I'm going back to the hotel. 641 00:27:10,963 --> 00:27:13,195 Just try not to join the cast of Rent on the way back! 642 00:27:14,328 --> 00:27:17,560 So we got the Professor, you got the millionaire. 643 00:27:17,562 --> 00:27:19,493 How's the rest of the Gilligan's Island cast? 644 00:27:19,494 --> 00:27:21,059 We're good. 645 00:27:21,060 --> 00:27:22,094 - Yeah? - Yeah, everyone's good. 646 00:27:22,095 --> 00:27:23,360 Well, that's good. 647 00:27:23,362 --> 00:27:24,958 Copacetic on the island. 648 00:27:24,959 --> 00:27:26,425 How are those washed-out pictures you're taking 649 00:27:26,426 --> 00:27:27,526 because you still have the lighting optimizer on? 650 00:27:27,527 --> 00:27:29,424 They're not... Where is that? 651 00:27:29,425 --> 00:27:32,458 Actually, it's really hypersensitive 652 00:27:32,459 --> 00:27:33,925 on the new 60D model. 653 00:27:33,926 --> 00:27:36,022 So you have to... 654 00:27:36,024 --> 00:27:37,289 - Wait. What is that? - Okay, nope. 655 00:27:37,291 --> 00:27:39,056 - What are you doing? - Give it back, Malibu Ken. 656 00:27:39,057 --> 00:27:40,923 - No... - What? 657 00:27:40,925 --> 00:27:42,424 You did it. You turned into one of those people. 658 00:27:42,425 --> 00:27:44,090 I turned into one of those people 659 00:27:44,091 --> 00:27:46,322 that gives a shit about something? 660 00:27:46,324 --> 00:27:47,823 Are you gonna chain yourself to a polar bear? 661 00:27:47,824 --> 00:27:49,290 Only if you let me borrow... 662 00:27:49,291 --> 00:27:50,989 What is this, a beach sweater? 663 00:27:50,991 --> 00:27:52,521 Yeah. 664 00:27:52,522 --> 00:27:53,256 What, did you just come from skiing? 665 00:27:53,258 --> 00:27:54,822 Yeah, I skied in, 666 00:27:54,823 --> 00:27:56,722 just to see you save the world. 667 00:27:57,789 --> 00:27:59,288 One Jell-O shot at a time. 668 00:27:59,989 --> 00:28:01,988 High-five! 669 00:28:01,990 --> 00:28:03,554 You want me to do your back? 670 00:28:03,555 --> 00:28:04,720 Only if you promise to do my front first. 671 00:28:05,188 --> 00:28:06,521 Gladly. 672 00:28:07,088 --> 00:28:08,454 Whoops! 673 00:28:10,420 --> 00:28:12,018 That never usually happens. 674 00:28:12,019 --> 00:28:14,150 Really? It happens to me all the time. 675 00:28:14,152 --> 00:28:16,819 Well, guess who just took a shit in the water? 676 00:28:16,820 --> 00:28:18,152 We've been looking for you bitches all day. 677 00:28:18,153 --> 00:28:20,151 Where the fuck have you been? 678 00:28:20,153 --> 00:28:22,016 Our car broke down in Orlando. 679 00:28:22,018 --> 00:28:23,015 Do you ever look at your cell phone? 680 00:28:23,016 --> 00:28:24,847 Awesome. 681 00:28:24,850 --> 00:28:26,383 Who are these cunt punches? 682 00:28:26,384 --> 00:28:29,249 These are our friends that we met on the way down. 683 00:28:29,251 --> 00:28:30,683 Yeah. 684 00:28:30,684 --> 00:28:32,147 That's Cody and Brah. 685 00:28:32,149 --> 00:28:33,881 They're on the lacrosse team at Florida. 686 00:28:33,883 --> 00:28:35,281 This guy plays lacrosse? 687 00:28:35,283 --> 00:28:37,282 All-conference, brah! 688 00:28:37,283 --> 00:28:39,216 Yeah? Which one, the fucking Diabetes Conference? 689 00:28:41,448 --> 00:28:43,180 All right, we're about to boat race a bunch of those fucks 690 00:28:43,182 --> 00:28:45,912 from the University of Georgia up in the room. So... 691 00:28:45,914 --> 00:28:47,546 My God! University of Georgia! 692 00:28:47,547 --> 00:28:49,045 No way! You're a Hornet? 693 00:28:49,047 --> 00:28:50,880 Afraid so. 694 00:28:50,881 --> 00:28:51,913 Well, you guys should get in there then, 695 00:28:51,914 --> 00:28:52,748 Edward Jizzumhands. 696 00:28:55,045 --> 00:28:57,544 Well, thank you. We will. 697 00:28:57,546 --> 00:29:00,145 Good, that's great. I'll see you up there. 698 00:29:00,145 --> 00:29:01,811 Good. Well, you say we'll be there 699 00:29:01,812 --> 00:29:03,342 and on time. 700 00:29:03,344 --> 00:29:04,377 - Sweet. I will. - Yeah. 701 00:29:04,378 --> 00:29:06,009 Yeah, let's do that. 702 00:29:06,011 --> 00:29:07,144 - No, we should. - Let's do it now. 703 00:29:07,146 --> 00:29:09,009 - Yeah, I'll see you up there. - What... 704 00:29:09,010 --> 00:29:11,143 Come to the hotel. By the pool. 705 00:29:11,545 --> 00:29:13,410 Georgia sucks! 706 00:29:15,077 --> 00:29:18,075 Can we please just go? They've got boyfriends. 707 00:29:18,077 --> 00:29:20,006 Those meatdick fucks? They're not their boyfriends. 708 00:29:20,008 --> 00:29:22,073 They're just seniors, 709 00:29:22,075 --> 00:29:23,241 and they're all just terrified and speed-fucking each other 710 00:29:23,242 --> 00:29:24,473 before the ship goes down. 711 00:29:24,475 --> 00:29:25,974 Didn't you ever go on Spring Break? 712 00:29:25,974 --> 00:29:27,373 No, I didn't go to Spring Break, 713 00:29:27,375 --> 00:29:29,005 'cause I was studying for law school. 714 00:29:29,006 --> 00:29:30,305 Besides, I can't chug alcohol anymore 715 00:29:30,307 --> 00:29:31,939 like I used to, Grandpa. 716 00:29:31,940 --> 00:29:33,938 I've developed, like, a gag reflex. 717 00:29:33,940 --> 00:29:35,239 - A gag reflex? - Yeah. 718 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:36,838 You're chugging a beer, 719 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:37,774 not taking down a horse cock, Jason. 720 00:29:38,207 --> 00:29:40,206 Come on. 721 00:29:49,872 --> 00:29:51,169 Go Hornets! 722 00:29:51,170 --> 00:29:52,935 Go Hornets, yeah... 723 00:29:52,937 --> 00:29:54,969 Hey, you know, one in three of these girls has herpes. 724 00:29:54,970 --> 00:29:56,270 Even if you can't see it. 725 00:29:56,271 --> 00:29:57,901 Jesus. Nut the fuck up. 726 00:29:57,903 --> 00:30:00,037 It's just a college party, you nance. Chill! 727 00:30:00,370 --> 00:30:03,201 Hey, here they are. 728 00:30:03,203 --> 00:30:06,000 I'm gonna get some beers. What about you, twinkle toes? 729 00:30:06,001 --> 00:30:08,998 You want some of dat drank? Some of dat purple drank? 730 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:10,831 Some of dat purple-ass muthafuckin' 731 00:30:10,833 --> 00:30:12,602 pimp-dick drank? 732 00:30:13,502 --> 00:30:16,267 Who the fuck are you? 733 00:30:20,066 --> 00:30:21,599 It's a pretty rockin' party. 734 00:30:22,767 --> 00:30:24,165 Whoo. 735 00:30:24,166 --> 00:30:25,532 Who let the dogs out? 736 00:30:25,966 --> 00:30:27,232 Am I right? 737 00:30:41,230 --> 00:30:42,460 Sir, before we start, would you prefer 738 00:30:42,462 --> 00:30:44,428 if we gave you a spritzer to chug? 739 00:30:44,429 --> 00:30:46,062 Maybe a Pinot Noir? 740 00:30:51,861 --> 00:30:53,025 You're going down, old man. 741 00:30:53,027 --> 00:30:54,960 Nobody chugs like me. 742 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,793 I bet. You've been chugging Brah's cum for years. 743 00:31:00,459 --> 00:31:01,625 Let's go. 744 00:31:04,491 --> 00:31:05,491 Chug! 745 00:31:05,825 --> 00:31:06,759 Chug! 746 00:31:07,259 --> 00:31:08,393 Chug! 747 00:31:08,925 --> 00:31:10,059 Chug! 748 00:31:13,958 --> 00:31:16,623 Go! Go! Chug! 749 00:32:14,515 --> 00:32:15,747 It's actually kind of fun. 750 00:32:21,180 --> 00:32:25,612 Yeah, I'm not really, you know, for sure, 751 00:32:26,913 --> 00:32:28,245 per say... 752 00:32:28,246 --> 00:32:29,679 ...what we're doing after graduation. 753 00:32:30,811 --> 00:32:32,410 I mean, 754 00:32:32,412 --> 00:32:34,144 - we have offers to play... - Blah, blah, blah... 755 00:32:34,146 --> 00:32:36,243 ...professional lacrosse in Europe, 756 00:32:36,245 --> 00:32:37,244 but a bunch of agents 757 00:32:37,246 --> 00:32:38,277 Words, words, words... 758 00:32:38,278 --> 00:32:40,943 also want us to start modeling, so... 759 00:32:40,944 --> 00:32:43,011 And again, we're talking about this fat fuck right here? 760 00:32:44,310 --> 00:32:47,776 You guys... You have to come see this right now. 761 00:33:04,908 --> 00:33:07,838 All right, our team won! 762 00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:11,471 Let's celebrate by buying local drugs 763 00:33:11,472 --> 00:33:14,970 from a reputable, local drug dealer. 764 00:33:14,972 --> 00:33:17,238 Hey, what are you doing here? 765 00:33:18,105 --> 00:33:19,369 I'm selling drugs, man. 766 00:33:19,371 --> 00:33:21,037 I'm trying to put my kid through preschool. 767 00:33:22,003 --> 00:33:24,136 How honest is that! 768 00:33:24,138 --> 00:33:25,302 Touching my face a lot, bro. 769 00:33:25,304 --> 00:33:27,236 Touching my face a whole lot, man. 770 00:33:27,237 --> 00:33:28,169 Why don't you take some of this. 771 00:33:28,170 --> 00:33:29,334 This'll mellow you out. 772 00:33:29,336 --> 00:33:31,335 - What is it? - E-cig, bro. 773 00:33:31,336 --> 00:33:32,636 "E" is for "Weed"! 774 00:33:33,801 --> 00:33:34,601 Sure, why not? 775 00:33:38,168 --> 00:33:41,534 Yeah, that's a big... That's a big one. 776 00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:48,132 Whoo! 777 00:33:48,133 --> 00:33:51,230 Just be glad you didn't smoke this, man. This is crack! 778 00:33:51,232 --> 00:33:53,099 - What? - Yeah! 779 00:33:53,100 --> 00:33:54,666 This one... Wait a minute... 780 00:33:56,865 --> 00:34:00,130 Maybe that one's crack and this one's weed. 781 00:34:00,132 --> 00:34:02,397 Hang on. What'd you do now, Pam? 782 00:34:02,399 --> 00:34:04,365 Fuck. Hold on. Which one's crack? 783 00:34:06,964 --> 00:34:09,829 Okay. I got this. Don't freak out. 784 00:34:09,830 --> 00:34:11,663 Sorry to worry you, man. You're not gonna believe this. 785 00:34:12,330 --> 00:34:13,631 They're both crack. 786 00:34:14,197 --> 00:34:15,428 What? 787 00:34:15,429 --> 00:34:17,094 And you have taken an amount 788 00:34:17,095 --> 00:34:18,529 that will probably kill you in about 30 minutes. 789 00:34:19,895 --> 00:34:21,359 - I just smoked crack? - Yeah. 790 00:34:21,361 --> 00:34:22,629 But just, like, a lot. 791 00:34:23,761 --> 00:34:25,094 I just smoked crack. 792 00:34:28,328 --> 00:34:30,194 I just smoked crack! 793 00:34:33,758 --> 00:34:34,958 USA! 794 00:34:34,959 --> 00:34:36,223 USA! 795 00:34:36,225 --> 00:34:37,458 USA! 796 00:34:37,460 --> 00:34:38,693 USA! 797 00:34:39,792 --> 00:34:41,491 Told you. 798 00:34:44,492 --> 00:34:45,725 He's fine. He's just a little drunk. 799 00:34:48,056 --> 00:34:49,323 Whoo! 800 00:34:50,423 --> 00:34:52,221 Everybody loves crack! 801 00:34:53,490 --> 00:34:55,321 Bee loves crack. 802 00:34:55,323 --> 00:34:57,321 Bee loves some crack. 803 00:34:57,323 --> 00:34:59,557 We should probably go help him. 804 00:35:02,953 --> 00:35:04,654 Sting? You're stung! 805 00:35:07,921 --> 00:35:09,852 Shit, I just found my queen. 806 00:35:09,854 --> 00:35:12,318 All right. 807 00:35:12,319 --> 00:35:13,752 Okay, let's help him. 808 00:35:16,820 --> 00:35:18,987 Excuse me. Jason! 809 00:35:21,785 --> 00:35:23,418 - Hey, Jason. - Jason. 810 00:35:25,950 --> 00:35:27,017 - Jason. - Jason. 811 00:35:29,718 --> 00:35:31,118 Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. 812 00:35:35,951 --> 00:35:37,951 I'm gonna live forever! 813 00:35:44,282 --> 00:35:45,548 Party on! 814 00:36:00,178 --> 00:36:02,078 Shit! 815 00:36:03,944 --> 00:36:05,210 One, two, three... 816 00:36:06,778 --> 00:36:08,477 - Hello? - Where the fuck have you been? 817 00:36:10,912 --> 00:36:11,843 We got to Grandpa's a little bit later 818 00:36:11,844 --> 00:36:13,376 than we thought last night, 819 00:36:13,377 --> 00:36:16,441 and my phone charger wasn't working. 820 00:36:16,443 --> 00:36:18,173 Well, you know we missed the deadline 821 00:36:18,175 --> 00:36:20,009 for our wedding announcement to be in the Times. 822 00:36:20,010 --> 00:36:21,409 Where are you? Are you close? 823 00:36:24,142 --> 00:36:25,943 Listen, Grandpa got really upset last night. 824 00:36:26,341 --> 00:36:28,239 So I'm just getting 825 00:36:28,241 --> 00:36:29,473 a little bit of a late jump here. 826 00:36:31,039 --> 00:36:32,806 I want to show you the bouquets for the bridesmaids. 827 00:36:32,808 --> 00:36:34,707 So switch to FaceTime, okay? 828 00:36:34,709 --> 00:36:37,306 Shit! Baby, the reception at Grandpa's isn't very good... 829 00:36:37,307 --> 00:36:38,869 Jason, just fucking do it! 830 00:36:38,871 --> 00:36:40,837 Okay, one second. Switching over. 831 00:36:40,838 --> 00:36:42,538 Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! 832 00:36:43,906 --> 00:36:45,370 Is that sand on your face? 833 00:36:45,372 --> 00:36:47,437 It's just sawdust 834 00:36:47,439 --> 00:36:48,903 because I was helping Grandpa in the garage, so... 835 00:36:48,905 --> 00:36:51,272 I naturally got the dust of the saw on the face. 836 00:36:52,737 --> 00:36:54,003 - Hi, honey. - Jason. 837 00:36:54,172 --> 00:36:57,203 Mom? Dad? 838 00:36:57,204 --> 00:36:58,937 Is that writing on your face? 839 00:37:00,303 --> 00:37:02,970 I was working on my vows late last night and... 840 00:37:05,234 --> 00:37:08,834 And I fell asleep and I got some pen on my face, so... 841 00:37:08,835 --> 00:37:11,266 Yeah, that must be the exact thing that happened. 842 00:37:11,267 --> 00:37:12,901 Yeah, Meredith called us because 843 00:37:12,902 --> 00:37:14,066 she hadn't heard from you all night. 844 00:37:14,067 --> 00:37:15,966 We got the rabbi here to work on the vows. 845 00:37:17,867 --> 00:37:19,863 Boker tov, Jason. 846 00:37:19,865 --> 00:37:22,098 Hey. Shalom. 847 00:37:22,099 --> 00:37:24,197 No, Jason, really... What is on your forehead? 848 00:37:25,699 --> 00:37:28,862 It's a swastika of penises. 849 00:37:28,864 --> 00:37:30,296 No, that's not what it is. 850 00:37:30,298 --> 00:37:33,996 Acting as a pinwheel of ejaculate... 851 00:37:33,997 --> 00:37:36,295 No, no, no, it's a FaceTime effect. 852 00:37:36,296 --> 00:37:38,027 All the kids are using them these days. 853 00:37:38,029 --> 00:37:39,230 There's a Hanukkah one. See? 854 00:37:42,198 --> 00:37:45,261 I don't like that one as much as the swastika full of dicks. 855 00:37:45,262 --> 00:37:48,128 Okay, let's discuss the wedding vows. 856 00:37:48,130 --> 00:37:51,793 Jason, why don't you begin by telling us all 857 00:37:51,795 --> 00:37:53,959 what it is you like about Meredith. 858 00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,825 Yeah, where do I start? She's... 859 00:37:56,826 --> 00:37:57,992 Hello. 860 00:38:00,694 --> 00:38:02,858 Hello, buzzy bee. 861 00:38:02,859 --> 00:38:04,358 What? 862 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:05,391 If you can't think of anything, 863 00:38:05,392 --> 00:38:06,825 lean into them looks, dawg. 864 00:38:06,827 --> 00:38:08,923 Can I touch buzzy bee? 865 00:38:08,925 --> 00:38:10,558 I've loved her for... No, you can't touch buzzy bee! 866 00:38:11,759 --> 00:38:14,125 I love the way that she... 867 00:38:15,258 --> 00:38:16,856 What are you doing? Stop it! 868 00:38:16,857 --> 00:38:18,456 Go away! 869 00:38:18,458 --> 00:38:19,989 You're getting me in... Fuck, go away! 870 00:38:19,989 --> 00:38:20,988 Your buzzy bee looks so fluffy! 871 00:38:20,990 --> 00:38:21,989 What did he say? 872 00:38:22,955 --> 00:38:24,387 I just don't know where to start. 873 00:38:24,389 --> 00:38:25,955 Let me touch buzzy bee! 874 00:38:25,956 --> 00:38:26,988 - You can't have the bee! - What? 875 00:38:26,989 --> 00:38:28,853 I want to stroke the bee! 876 00:38:28,854 --> 00:38:30,119 You can't stroke the bee! Okay? 877 00:38:30,121 --> 00:38:31,287 I want to kiss buzzy bee! 878 00:38:31,289 --> 00:38:32,390 You can't kiss the bee! 879 00:38:33,822 --> 00:38:34,655 I love the way that she kisses. 880 00:38:35,688 --> 00:38:37,187 - Kid! - Hey! 881 00:38:37,188 --> 00:38:39,019 - My God... - Hey! 882 00:38:39,021 --> 00:38:40,017 - Fucking pervert! - No. 883 00:38:40,019 --> 00:38:41,117 I got to go right now. I'm sorry. 884 00:38:41,119 --> 00:38:42,685 I love you. Bye! 885 00:38:42,686 --> 00:38:43,952 No, no, no! Jason! Jason! 886 00:38:45,354 --> 00:38:46,620 Come on. I told you to stay with us. 887 00:38:48,385 --> 00:38:50,152 He let me stroke it. 888 00:38:51,252 --> 00:38:53,049 Hold on! He's talking about a pee... A bee. 889 00:38:53,051 --> 00:38:54,851 A little stuffed bee. 890 00:38:54,852 --> 00:38:56,216 What bee? 891 00:38:56,218 --> 00:38:57,250 There was a bee here, man! 892 00:38:57,252 --> 00:38:58,750 It was so soft. 893 00:38:58,751 --> 00:39:00,182 He let me kiss it. 894 00:39:00,184 --> 00:39:01,684 No, I did not let you kiss it! 895 00:39:01,685 --> 00:39:02,982 What are you talking about? 896 00:39:02,983 --> 00:39:04,415 - He did not even... - You're fucking dead! 897 00:39:04,417 --> 00:39:06,517 Dad, that was cool! 898 00:39:07,716 --> 00:39:09,248 Shit! 899 00:39:25,812 --> 00:39:28,045 Please, for the love of God, may I have some pants? 900 00:39:28,811 --> 00:39:30,310 Please... 901 00:39:30,312 --> 00:39:33,878 Jesus, I'm so sorry. Of course. 902 00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:37,109 Yeah, definitely. Let me hurry on over there. 903 00:39:37,110 --> 00:39:38,912 You like khakis or sweatpants? 904 00:39:40,177 --> 00:39:43,209 I mean, anything's fine. You know what? Khakis. 905 00:39:43,211 --> 00:39:44,877 - Khakis? All right. - Yes, please. Thank you. 906 00:39:44,878 --> 00:39:46,940 Also, I'm going to step out and get some lunch. 907 00:39:46,941 --> 00:39:48,173 Do you want a sandwich? 908 00:39:48,175 --> 00:39:49,342 Yeah, sure. That'd be awesome. 909 00:39:49,343 --> 00:39:50,907 Yeah. Ham? Turkey? 910 00:39:50,908 --> 00:39:53,075 I would love turkey. 911 00:39:53,076 --> 00:39:54,309 That's so funny, because I'm a turkey man myself. 912 00:39:54,808 --> 00:39:56,140 Thank you so much. 913 00:39:57,206 --> 00:40:00,038 Turkey... Okay... All right... 914 00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:02,838 Also, finally, do you want to be ass raped 915 00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:05,439 by the man with the mental age of seven 916 00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:06,970 or do you want to be stripped naked 917 00:40:06,972 --> 00:40:08,837 and used as a human diaper 918 00:40:08,838 --> 00:40:10,905 by the, same man? 919 00:40:12,140 --> 00:40:13,438 Let me know what time works for you, 920 00:40:13,438 --> 00:40:14,438 'cause you're in fucking jail. 921 00:40:14,938 --> 00:40:16,272 Sit down. 922 00:40:25,804 --> 00:40:28,701 All right. Gary, I'm all done. It's late. 923 00:40:28,702 --> 00:40:30,035 I gotta go open the store, buddy. 924 00:40:30,037 --> 00:40:31,802 I don't know, man. 925 00:40:31,803 --> 00:40:33,004 You tried to sell peyote to middle schoolers. 926 00:40:34,901 --> 00:40:37,300 Well, I don't know if I'm going to be able to get you 927 00:40:37,301 --> 00:40:39,399 that human growth hormone you asked me about. 928 00:40:39,401 --> 00:40:42,099 So that you can get "jacked," you said? 929 00:40:42,101 --> 00:40:43,400 Remember? You're already looking good. 930 00:40:44,733 --> 00:40:46,699 All right, let's get you out of there. 931 00:40:46,700 --> 00:40:48,265 - Why are you letting him out? - Gary! Gary! Gary! 932 00:40:48,266 --> 00:40:49,165 He's the one that sold me crack! 933 00:40:49,167 --> 00:40:50,765 Hey, man! 934 00:40:50,767 --> 00:40:52,132 That's how you're gonna do me right now? 935 00:40:52,133 --> 00:40:53,929 - Snitches get stitches! - Yeah! 936 00:40:53,931 --> 00:40:55,196 Zip it! 937 00:40:55,198 --> 00:40:56,332 Yeah. Snitches do get stitches! 938 00:40:56,332 --> 00:40:57,796 I thought we were friends... 939 00:40:57,797 --> 00:40:58,663 Don't mess with my best friend, Pam. 940 00:40:58,665 --> 00:41:00,865 Yeah! I'll see you later, Gary. 941 00:41:00,866 --> 00:41:02,696 See you, buddy. If you can get me that money you owe me too, 942 00:41:02,698 --> 00:41:03,863 - that'd be great. - Finchy. 943 00:41:03,865 --> 00:41:04,965 Hey, Officer Finch. 944 00:41:04,966 --> 00:41:06,096 What's up? 945 00:41:06,097 --> 00:41:07,428 - Here's the deal. - Yeah. 946 00:41:07,429 --> 00:41:09,427 - I'm about to skedaddle... - Yeah, you are. 947 00:41:09,429 --> 00:41:11,827 I came in here with some drugs in a bag. 948 00:41:11,829 --> 00:41:13,794 It would be great if I could leave 949 00:41:13,795 --> 00:41:15,128 with those drugs in the bag. 950 00:41:15,130 --> 00:41:17,093 You know what? I want what's great for you. 951 00:41:17,094 --> 00:41:18,293 Thank you. 952 00:41:18,294 --> 00:41:19,561 There they are. 953 00:41:20,729 --> 00:41:22,159 - There you go! - Look at the arm on that guy. 954 00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:23,826 I know. 955 00:41:23,828 --> 00:41:25,026 He's really getting big! 956 00:41:25,027 --> 00:41:26,092 - He's working on it. - I really need that HGH. 957 00:41:26,092 --> 00:41:27,859 He's working on it. 958 00:41:27,861 --> 00:41:30,025 - All right, I'll talk to you guys later. Bye. - Yeah. 959 00:41:30,026 --> 00:41:33,259 Bam! One of the good ones. Right? 960 00:41:34,159 --> 00:41:35,460 Okay, listen. 961 00:41:36,925 --> 00:41:38,759 Guys, I'm incredibly sorry for all this confusion, 962 00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:40,124 but listen to me, please, 963 00:41:40,126 --> 00:41:42,822 I have to let you know I'm a lawyer. 964 00:41:42,823 --> 00:41:44,323 All right? I know my rights and I know 965 00:41:44,325 --> 00:41:46,257 that I should have a phone call. 966 00:41:46,258 --> 00:41:48,657 Well, is this your phone right here? 967 00:41:48,658 --> 00:41:49,821 Yeah, that's my phone. 968 00:41:49,822 --> 00:41:51,188 That's your phone right there. 969 00:41:51,188 --> 00:41:52,654 Just gonna take a little picture. 970 00:41:52,656 --> 00:41:54,156 Snatch-chat. 971 00:41:54,157 --> 00:41:55,054 Please don't do that with my phone. 972 00:41:55,056 --> 00:41:57,056 Hope you got a wide angle lens on that. 973 00:42:01,355 --> 00:42:02,588 Kidding. 974 00:42:04,820 --> 00:42:07,387 Somebody just posted his bail. Get that pervert some pants. 975 00:42:08,286 --> 00:42:09,686 All right. 976 00:42:09,688 --> 00:42:11,852 These were a couple pair of pants 977 00:42:11,853 --> 00:42:16,817 from murder victims from a 1990s orgy gone bad. 978 00:42:16,818 --> 00:42:18,985 We got semen-stained or blood-stained. 979 00:42:19,784 --> 00:42:21,552 Take your pick. What's it gonna be? 980 00:42:23,284 --> 00:42:24,984 - Blood. - Semen it is. 981 00:42:28,017 --> 00:42:29,884 - Hey, there he is. - No. 982 00:42:30,951 --> 00:42:33,282 Don't even fucking talk to me. 983 00:42:33,283 --> 00:42:35,648 I know things got a little chaotic, 984 00:42:35,650 --> 00:42:37,013 but I'm so close with Lenore... 985 00:42:37,015 --> 00:42:39,148 What the fuck is wrong with you? 986 00:42:39,149 --> 00:42:41,313 I'm about to get fucking married, Grandpa! 987 00:42:41,315 --> 00:42:43,181 In one week! To a Jewish girl! 988 00:42:43,182 --> 00:42:45,748 And I just woke up in fucking jail 989 00:42:45,750 --> 00:42:48,414 with a bunch of penises on my forehead 990 00:42:48,414 --> 00:42:49,915 in the shape of a swastika! 991 00:42:51,313 --> 00:42:53,013 Could call it a swasticock. 992 00:42:54,748 --> 00:42:56,679 - What? - It's a play on words. 993 00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:58,279 It's a play on words. 994 00:42:59,246 --> 00:43:00,279 A play on words. 995 00:43:02,812 --> 00:43:04,177 Play on these words. 996 00:43:04,179 --> 00:43:05,844 I'm dropping you off 997 00:43:05,845 --> 00:43:08,109 at your old army vet buddy's house, 998 00:43:08,111 --> 00:43:10,275 he's gonna drive you to fucking Boca. 999 00:43:10,276 --> 00:43:11,278 Because I'm fucking done with you. 1000 00:43:15,209 --> 00:43:16,808 What the fuck are you looking at? 1001 00:43:16,810 --> 00:43:17,761 I can't help staring at your tits. 1002 00:43:19,028 --> 00:43:20,795 Pow! 1003 00:43:20,796 --> 00:43:22,030 What the fuck is wrong with you? 1004 00:43:27,428 --> 00:43:29,893 You know, Stinky had more confirmed kills 1005 00:43:29,895 --> 00:43:33,160 than anyone in our platoon back in 'Nam? 118. 1006 00:43:33,162 --> 00:43:34,661 Shut the fuck up. 1007 00:43:36,595 --> 00:43:37,958 What is this place? 1008 00:43:37,959 --> 00:43:39,626 I don't know. Or care. 1009 00:43:39,628 --> 00:43:41,126 At least just come in with me. 1010 00:43:41,127 --> 00:43:42,625 Let's make sure it's the right house. 1011 00:43:42,626 --> 00:43:44,158 After you. 1012 00:43:45,394 --> 00:43:46,760 Grandson of the year. 1013 00:43:48,092 --> 00:43:49,325 Your grandmother's ashes are in there. 1014 00:43:52,559 --> 00:43:53,925 She's in a coffin. Fuck you! 1015 00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:58,794 Well, better late than never. 1016 00:43:59,959 --> 00:44:02,625 Yeah! Fuck them up, ALF! 1017 00:44:02,626 --> 00:44:03,660 Motherfucker! 1018 00:44:04,759 --> 00:44:05,859 Stinky? 1019 00:44:07,025 --> 00:44:08,293 What the fuck are you doing here, Dick? 1020 00:44:09,925 --> 00:44:11,658 This? 1021 00:44:13,025 --> 00:44:14,891 This is liver failure. 1022 00:44:17,557 --> 00:44:19,388 Who's the lesbian? 1023 00:44:19,390 --> 00:44:20,389 That's my grandson, Jason. 1024 00:44:21,056 --> 00:44:22,890 Yeah? 1025 00:44:22,891 --> 00:44:24,921 Is he here to scissor with me? 1026 00:44:24,923 --> 00:44:26,857 Okay, that's just offensive to lesbians. 1027 00:44:26,858 --> 00:44:29,389 I am very sorry, k.d. Lang. 1028 00:44:30,590 --> 00:44:32,654 Time for Bingo! 1029 00:44:32,656 --> 00:44:34,489 Come on. Stinky, we got to get you the fuck out of here. 1030 00:44:34,490 --> 00:44:35,920 Come on, let's go. 1031 00:44:35,922 --> 00:44:39,422 I have one fucking month left, Dick! 1032 00:44:39,423 --> 00:44:42,555 I don't want you to remember me like this, man. 1033 00:44:42,556 --> 00:44:44,553 I want you to remember me as a warrior. 1034 00:44:44,555 --> 00:44:45,805 Please. Leave me be. 1035 00:44:45,806 --> 00:44:47,086 But, Stinky... 1036 00:44:47,088 --> 00:44:48,888 No, no, no... Just let me finish, Dick. 1037 00:44:49,987 --> 00:44:53,518 Leave me your beautiful lesbian grandson 1038 00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:54,622 so he can blowjob me to death. 1039 00:44:58,721 --> 00:45:00,655 It's all over for me, Dick. 1040 00:45:01,786 --> 00:45:05,921 You know, all I wanna do is play Bingo. 1041 00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:07,987 Go. 1042 00:45:09,653 --> 00:45:10,719 All ready? 1043 00:45:14,586 --> 00:45:16,886 Bingo! 1044 00:45:23,486 --> 00:45:25,019 I'm sorry about your friend, Grandpa. 1045 00:45:26,651 --> 00:45:28,251 So it comes to this. 1046 00:45:30,051 --> 00:45:33,150 Even before you die, you just stop living, 1047 00:45:33,152 --> 00:45:36,217 and it's all one fucked-up facsimile of the real thing. 1048 00:45:42,151 --> 00:45:43,350 We have to go back. 1049 00:45:44,650 --> 00:45:46,017 Yeah. I know. 1050 00:45:47,550 --> 00:45:48,717 I'll drive us home. 1051 00:45:49,416 --> 00:45:51,085 Not Atlanta. Daytona. 1052 00:45:52,484 --> 00:45:53,914 What? 1053 00:45:53,916 --> 00:45:55,547 I have to fuck that girl, Jason. 1054 00:45:55,549 --> 00:45:56,782 Jesus, Grandpa! 1055 00:45:56,783 --> 00:45:58,049 I do. I have to fuck her! 1056 00:45:59,448 --> 00:46:01,146 Grandpa, you're just depressed. 1057 00:46:01,148 --> 00:46:03,747 You're confused right now because of Grandma. 1058 00:46:03,748 --> 00:46:05,913 Grandma wanted me to do this. 1059 00:46:05,915 --> 00:46:07,381 - What? - Yeah. She said when she died, 1060 00:46:07,382 --> 00:46:08,846 She wanted me to move on 1061 00:46:08,848 --> 00:46:10,381 and live my life the way I wanted to, 1062 00:46:10,383 --> 00:46:12,381 and right now, you know what I want to do? 1063 00:46:12,383 --> 00:46:14,847 I want to get my dick sucked by that fucking college girl! 1064 00:46:14,849 --> 00:46:16,680 What is that going to do for you? 1065 00:46:16,682 --> 00:46:17,946 Is that going to make you feel young again? 1066 00:46:17,947 --> 00:46:18,946 Yeah! Yeah, what's wrong with that? 1067 00:46:18,948 --> 00:46:21,380 Yeah? 1068 00:46:21,382 --> 00:46:23,445 Feeling young again? What do I have? 1069 00:46:23,446 --> 00:46:25,079 A dead wife, dying friends. 1070 00:46:25,081 --> 00:46:27,746 A few fucking good years left if I'm lucky. 1071 00:46:27,748 --> 00:46:29,715 And you know what? It fucking freaks me out! 1072 00:46:30,845 --> 00:46:32,212 Yeah. 1073 00:46:34,611 --> 00:46:36,509 Look, I don't expect you to understand. 1074 00:46:36,511 --> 00:46:37,876 You're young. 1075 00:46:37,878 --> 00:46:39,578 You have a long, long time 1076 00:46:39,580 --> 00:46:41,478 before you have to look into that abyss. 1077 00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:43,744 But the way I see it, having sex with that girl 1078 00:46:43,745 --> 00:46:45,810 is my last stand. 1079 00:46:45,812 --> 00:46:47,643 And I can't do it without you. 1080 00:46:47,645 --> 00:46:48,677 So I'm asking you. 1081 00:46:48,678 --> 00:46:50,642 Please, Jason, 1082 00:46:50,644 --> 00:46:51,979 just stay one more day so I can do this. 1083 00:46:54,645 --> 00:46:56,079 Please. 1084 00:47:01,645 --> 00:47:05,776 Okay, Daytona Beach! Who's ready for a Flex Off! 1085 00:47:05,777 --> 00:47:08,508 I'm talking about dudes getting on stage, 1086 00:47:08,510 --> 00:47:09,711 getting ripped! 1087 00:47:10,877 --> 00:47:12,741 Yeah! 1088 00:47:12,742 --> 00:47:14,209 Yes, I'll be home tomorrow. I promise. 1089 00:47:15,910 --> 00:47:16,942 And I know... Yes, 1090 00:47:16,943 --> 00:47:18,407 I know the dinner is important to the firm... 1091 00:47:18,409 --> 00:47:19,506 Hold on, I'm getting another call. 1092 00:47:19,508 --> 00:47:20,774 It might be Meredith. Okay? Bye. 1093 00:47:22,641 --> 00:47:24,407 - Hello? - Hey, it's me. 1094 00:47:24,409 --> 00:47:25,775 Someone just stuck their thumb up my ass. 1095 00:47:26,508 --> 00:47:27,940 What? 1096 00:47:27,942 --> 00:47:28,840 Yeah, I was just standing right there, 1097 00:47:28,842 --> 00:47:30,439 talking on the phone, 1098 00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:31,439 and someone came right up behind me 1099 00:47:31,441 --> 00:47:32,774 and stuck their thumb up my ass. 1100 00:47:33,807 --> 00:47:35,474 - Did you see who it was... - Jamba! 1101 00:47:35,475 --> 00:47:37,072 Fuck! Stop doing that! 1102 00:47:37,074 --> 00:47:38,342 How'd it go on the home front? 1103 00:47:38,609 --> 00:47:39,608 How do you think? 1104 00:47:39,941 --> 00:47:41,640 Come on. Let's go. 1105 00:47:41,907 --> 00:47:43,175 Come on. 1106 00:47:44,706 --> 00:47:47,870 Top Gun in the house! 1107 00:47:47,872 --> 00:47:50,841 We got Maverick! We got Fat Goose! 1108 00:47:51,839 --> 00:47:54,039 Do we have a challenger? 1109 00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:55,605 Right here! Right here! 1110 00:47:55,605 --> 00:47:56,505 These two! She wants to! 1111 00:47:56,507 --> 00:47:57,737 These two. 1112 00:47:57,739 --> 00:47:59,104 Pick her! 1113 00:47:59,106 --> 00:48:00,871 Who will accept this challenge? 1114 00:48:00,872 --> 00:48:01,871 You go up there, I'll let you do 1115 00:48:01,873 --> 00:48:03,805 whatever you want to me tonight. 1116 00:48:03,806 --> 00:48:05,471 - All right, I'm doing it. - All right! 1117 00:48:05,472 --> 00:48:06,838 - What? - Whoo! 1118 00:48:07,938 --> 00:48:09,870 - No, no, no! - Are you kidding me? 1119 00:48:09,871 --> 00:48:12,402 I saw your body last night, it's a lot better than Cody's. 1120 00:48:12,404 --> 00:48:14,469 And my body sure as shit looks better 1121 00:48:14,470 --> 00:48:15,735 than that fucking Shamu's up there. 1122 00:48:15,737 --> 00:48:17,469 There's 1,000 people out here! 1123 00:48:17,471 --> 00:48:19,635 A lost old man has wandered on stage. 1124 00:48:19,637 --> 00:48:21,468 Are you his nurse? 1125 00:48:21,470 --> 00:48:22,769 No. Fuck no. 1126 00:48:22,770 --> 00:48:26,035 Get on stage! Get on stage! 1127 00:48:26,037 --> 00:48:28,836 Get on stage! Get on stage! 1128 00:48:28,837 --> 00:48:31,101 Get on stage! Get on stage! 1129 00:48:31,102 --> 00:48:32,136 Do it for me! 1130 00:48:33,135 --> 00:48:36,135 Get on stage! Get on stage! 1131 00:48:37,737 --> 00:48:40,135 So we have team Top Gun 1132 00:48:40,135 --> 00:48:42,903 versus creepy old guy and his lesbian daughter. 1133 00:48:45,636 --> 00:48:49,631 Okay, Daytona Beach, are you ready to Flex Off? 1134 00:48:49,633 --> 00:48:52,367 Three! Two! One! 1135 00:48:52,369 --> 00:48:53,635 Flex! 1136 00:48:55,369 --> 00:48:56,801 Having trouble getting that coat off, Fat Goose? 1137 00:48:59,533 --> 00:49:01,866 Look at this guy! 1138 00:49:01,867 --> 00:49:04,366 He's like Mother Teresa's vagina! 1139 00:49:04,368 --> 00:49:06,068 Old and tight! 1140 00:49:07,467 --> 00:49:09,833 Hey, look, it's Cirque du So Gay! 1141 00:49:11,767 --> 00:49:12,933 What now? 1142 00:49:15,099 --> 00:49:17,866 Has the old man fallen? 1143 00:49:17,867 --> 00:49:19,131 Or is it... 1144 00:49:19,133 --> 00:49:21,131 One-armed motherfucking push-ups! 1145 00:49:21,133 --> 00:49:23,566 Holy shit! 1146 00:49:23,566 --> 00:49:25,664 Lesbian daughter's getting in on the action! 1147 00:49:25,666 --> 00:49:28,663 I happen to know he smoked crack last night! 1148 00:49:28,665 --> 00:49:31,762 These push-ups are fuelled by the devil's candy! 1149 00:49:31,764 --> 00:49:33,599 Unbelievable! 1150 00:49:35,565 --> 00:49:36,831 Your move, Dolly Parton. 1151 00:49:38,131 --> 00:49:40,165 What are you gonna do now, team Top Gun? 1152 00:49:41,831 --> 00:49:43,662 And, hey, everybody, don't forget to stop 1153 00:49:43,664 --> 00:49:45,962 by Tam Pam Surf Slam in town 1154 00:49:45,963 --> 00:49:48,029 where I'm selling "beach towels" 1155 00:49:48,031 --> 00:49:49,996 for 50 bucks an ounce. 1156 00:49:49,997 --> 00:49:53,828 "Sun screen" for 10 bucks a dime bag. 1157 00:49:53,830 --> 00:49:56,895 And I'm also selling meth! 1158 00:49:58,497 --> 00:49:59,761 Just got married! 1159 00:50:00,863 --> 00:50:02,795 Your move, Viagra Falls. 1160 00:50:02,796 --> 00:50:04,928 Crowd going wild for team Top Gun! 1161 00:50:06,796 --> 00:50:09,394 Grandpa, I got this. Watch! 1162 00:50:09,395 --> 00:50:12,162 Most muscular, on three. One, two, three. 1163 00:50:15,628 --> 00:50:18,525 I think this guy just sharted! 1164 00:50:18,527 --> 00:50:19,545 No, I didn't! 1165 00:50:19,546 --> 00:50:20,593 Yes! 1166 00:50:20,595 --> 00:50:22,829 Call a lifeguard, I think there's been a shart attack! 1167 00:50:33,592 --> 00:50:34,892 I'm not even holding the mic right now. 1168 00:50:38,524 --> 00:50:40,026 You suck! 1169 00:50:40,659 --> 00:50:42,825 I have an idea. 1170 00:50:42,826 --> 00:50:43,892 Do you remember that thing we used to do when I was a kid? 1171 00:50:44,860 --> 00:50:46,026 Yeah. 1172 00:50:48,126 --> 00:50:50,058 One, two, three... 1173 00:50:50,059 --> 00:50:52,823 Hold on, what's this? 1174 00:50:52,825 --> 00:50:56,625 What is going on? My God, what am I seeing? 1175 00:50:58,825 --> 00:51:01,389 Am I on drugs? Of course I am! 1176 00:51:02,625 --> 00:51:03,889 This is too incredible! 1177 00:51:03,891 --> 00:51:06,592 Flex Off history is being made! 1178 00:51:07,559 --> 00:51:09,022 What's up now, Brah? 1179 00:51:09,024 --> 00:51:11,389 Yeah, what's up now, Brah? 1180 00:51:11,390 --> 00:51:12,787 Yeah, what's up now, Brah? 1181 00:51:12,789 --> 00:51:14,556 'Sup now, Brah? 1182 00:51:14,557 --> 00:51:15,688 'Sup now, Brah? 1183 00:51:15,689 --> 00:51:17,021 'Sup now, Brah? 1184 00:51:18,358 --> 00:51:21,022 This is incredible! Take out your cameras! 1185 00:51:21,023 --> 00:51:23,591 Put this online! This shit is going viral! 1186 00:51:24,090 --> 00:51:26,553 Shit. Let me down. 1187 00:51:26,555 --> 00:51:27,855 Did everybody get a picture of that? 1188 00:51:29,456 --> 00:51:30,686 What the fuck are you doing? 1189 00:51:30,687 --> 00:51:32,520 - I can't do this... - What? 1190 00:51:32,521 --> 00:51:33,854 - God... - The winners 1191 00:51:33,856 --> 00:51:35,854 Of the Alpha Delta Flex Off... 1192 00:51:35,856 --> 00:51:37,088 Wait a minute! Where are you going? 1193 00:51:37,089 --> 00:51:38,719 - Guys? - Where are you going? 1194 00:51:38,721 --> 00:51:40,086 Jason! 1195 00:51:40,088 --> 00:51:41,487 You can't just leave me here like this. 1196 00:51:41,488 --> 00:51:42,585 Why'd you stop? We were winning! 1197 00:51:42,587 --> 00:51:43,752 Because I'm a lawyer! 1198 00:51:43,754 --> 00:51:45,051 I can't have people taking 1199 00:51:45,052 --> 00:51:46,186 pictures of me doing stuff like this. 1200 00:51:46,188 --> 00:51:48,686 Can you imagine if the firm saw something like that? 1201 00:51:48,687 --> 00:51:51,983 By default, the winner of the Flex Off is... 1202 00:51:51,985 --> 00:51:53,051 Bring the cup home, baby! 1203 00:51:53,053 --> 00:51:54,121 ...these two dildos. 1204 00:51:57,052 --> 00:51:58,787 Every single day, my career's in jeopardy... 1205 00:52:00,419 --> 00:52:01,750 - What are you doing? - I'm taking the regulator off 1206 00:52:01,752 --> 00:52:03,053 The pneumatic propulsion system. 1207 00:52:04,686 --> 00:52:06,452 Give me a beer. 1208 00:52:06,452 --> 00:52:07,320 Grandpa, what did you really do for the army? 1209 00:52:09,119 --> 00:52:09,917 I told you, I was a mechanic. 1210 00:52:09,919 --> 00:52:12,116 Bullshit. 1211 00:52:12,118 --> 00:52:15,053 You speak Arabic. You hotwired a golf cart. 1212 00:52:15,585 --> 00:52:17,751 Tell me the truth. 1213 00:52:17,753 --> 00:52:19,916 All right, I was Special Forces! 1214 00:52:19,917 --> 00:52:21,483 I trained insurgents 1215 00:52:21,484 --> 00:52:22,981 behind enemy lines from Vietnam to Iraq. 1216 00:52:22,983 --> 00:52:24,650 Now give me the fucking beer can! Come on! 1217 00:52:26,051 --> 00:52:27,815 Look at this dummy! 1218 00:52:27,816 --> 00:52:28,849 What an idiot! 1219 00:52:34,115 --> 00:52:35,548 Whoo! 1220 00:52:35,550 --> 00:52:38,615 Yeah! Do it again! 1221 00:52:38,616 --> 00:52:40,781 We can change in Cody's room. I picked his pocket earlier. 1222 00:52:40,783 --> 00:52:42,947 Nothing to see here, guys. 1223 00:52:42,949 --> 00:52:43,951 Cops are gonna come pretty quick. 1224 00:52:46,584 --> 00:52:49,048 No, no, this is his father, so that's what I'm saying. 1225 00:52:49,049 --> 00:52:50,715 Keep him heavily sedated, 1226 00:52:50,717 --> 00:52:53,481 but don't be afraid to pull the plug if you have to. 1227 00:52:53,482 --> 00:52:54,715 Thank you, Doctor. 1228 00:52:56,547 --> 00:52:59,713 Okay. They're in the hospital till tomorrow! 1229 00:52:59,715 --> 00:53:01,015 The room's ours for the night. 1230 00:53:02,779 --> 00:53:04,845 Look at these fucking people. 1231 00:53:04,847 --> 00:53:06,912 How was brunch at Hitler's house that day? 1232 00:53:06,914 --> 00:53:09,612 Hey, Grandpa, who else in our family knows 1233 00:53:09,613 --> 00:53:12,511 that you were, Special Forces or whatever? 1234 00:53:12,513 --> 00:53:14,846 No one, once your grandmother passed. 1235 00:53:14,847 --> 00:53:16,011 Your father stopped talking to me 1236 00:53:16,013 --> 00:53:17,844 before my missions were declassified. 1237 00:53:17,846 --> 00:53:20,713 So he always thought I was just an army mechanic. 1238 00:53:20,714 --> 00:53:22,511 But don't you think 1239 00:53:22,513 --> 00:53:23,744 that you guys would get along a little better 1240 00:53:23,746 --> 00:53:25,113 if you told him? 1241 00:53:29,112 --> 00:53:30,845 Hey, come on. Let's see how you look. Come on out. 1242 00:53:36,045 --> 00:53:37,977 First of all, 1243 00:53:37,977 --> 00:53:40,010 nobody wears a fucking white belt. 1244 00:53:40,011 --> 00:53:41,709 The only people who wear white belts 1245 00:53:41,711 --> 00:53:42,842 are people who suck at karate 1246 00:53:42,843 --> 00:53:44,343 and people who suck at life. 1247 00:53:44,345 --> 00:53:46,742 Take the fucking belt off. 1248 00:53:46,743 --> 00:53:48,909 And you better lose that fucking white polo shirt 1249 00:53:48,910 --> 00:53:50,908 and those pleated khaki pants. 1250 00:53:50,910 --> 00:53:52,607 You're meeting up with girls, not blowing an oil executive 1251 00:53:52,609 --> 00:53:54,542 on a fucking golf course. 1252 00:53:54,543 --> 00:53:55,944 Put these on. 1253 00:53:58,011 --> 00:53:59,775 Well, in case you forgot, 1254 00:53:59,776 --> 00:54:01,808 I don't even have underwear, from last night. 1255 00:54:01,809 --> 00:54:03,043 All right, just put them on. I'll turn around. 1256 00:54:06,342 --> 00:54:07,458 Nice dick. 1257 00:54:07,460 --> 00:54:08,606 Jeez, Grandpa. 1258 00:54:08,608 --> 00:54:11,008 That's a good dick. You got your grandpa's dick. 1259 00:54:11,009 --> 00:54:12,709 Not the girth, not the length, but same style. 1260 00:54:14,507 --> 00:54:15,840 That's good to know. 1261 00:54:15,842 --> 00:54:16,908 You're lucky you're not your dad. 1262 00:54:17,607 --> 00:54:18,709 He's got his mom's dick. 1263 00:54:19,475 --> 00:54:21,373 What the fuck? 1264 00:54:21,375 --> 00:54:23,075 Now put your pants on. 1265 00:54:38,441 --> 00:54:39,670 Shit. It's Meredith. 1266 00:54:39,671 --> 00:54:40,706 Don't answer it. 1267 00:54:41,504 --> 00:54:43,071 My rehearsal brunch is this weekend. 1268 00:54:43,072 --> 00:54:45,671 No calls. For one night, 1269 00:54:45,673 --> 00:54:47,738 stop worrying about your wedding. Please. 1270 00:54:47,739 --> 00:54:49,804 We have two hot, smart, beautiful college girls 1271 00:54:49,806 --> 00:54:51,471 at the peak of their sexual powers 1272 00:54:51,472 --> 00:54:52,871 about to meet us at one of 1273 00:54:52,872 --> 00:54:54,670 the last great nightclubs in Florida. 1274 00:54:54,672 --> 00:54:55,973 Worry about them. 1275 00:54:59,404 --> 00:55:00,340 Okay. 1276 00:55:20,935 --> 00:55:23,001 I don't think you're very popular here, Grandpa. 1277 00:55:23,003 --> 00:55:25,102 You're the one that's going to have to watch out. 1278 00:55:25,102 --> 00:55:26,770 You might get Oreo'd. 1279 00:55:27,503 --> 00:55:28,966 Oreo'd? 1280 00:55:28,968 --> 00:55:30,966 That's when two black guys fuck a white guy. 1281 00:55:30,967 --> 00:55:32,235 You're the cream in the middle. 1282 00:55:45,102 --> 00:55:45,968 Game on. 1283 00:55:47,934 --> 00:55:50,565 Hey! Glad you guys made it. 1284 00:55:50,566 --> 00:55:52,033 Let's go get fucked up. Right? 1285 00:55:52,034 --> 00:55:54,133 My stepdad hates me! 1286 00:55:55,534 --> 00:55:56,668 Let's go! 1287 00:56:05,899 --> 00:56:07,165 Party till you're pregnant! 1288 00:56:11,399 --> 00:56:12,965 My God, I love this song! 1289 00:56:14,864 --> 00:56:16,631 You're not gonna die on me, are you? 1290 00:56:16,632 --> 00:56:17,832 - I don't think so. - All right! 1291 00:56:25,963 --> 00:56:27,564 - Come on. - No. No. 1292 00:57:00,794 --> 00:57:02,060 You want it? Come here, give me that hat! 1293 00:57:04,429 --> 00:57:05,228 My God... 1294 00:57:08,693 --> 00:57:10,559 Give me that! What is this? 1295 00:57:10,561 --> 00:57:13,092 Hey! Hey, hey, hey... 1296 00:57:13,093 --> 00:57:14,892 Leave my illegitimate black son alone. 1297 00:57:16,328 --> 00:57:17,694 We were just asking him to dance. 1298 00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:19,958 Well, he don't wanna dance. 1299 00:57:19,959 --> 00:57:21,725 Well, maybe you wanna dance instead. 1300 00:57:21,727 --> 00:57:22,961 - I don't wanna dance... - Colonel Sanders! 1301 00:57:23,859 --> 00:57:25,126 It's all right. It's all right. 1302 00:57:25,926 --> 00:57:28,025 Let's not dirty this place up. 1303 00:57:28,027 --> 00:57:30,694 It's a shrine. Sinatra sang here. Parking lot? 1304 00:57:36,758 --> 00:57:38,990 It'll be fine. 1305 00:57:38,991 --> 00:57:41,225 How is this going to be fine? Look at this crew. 1306 00:57:43,091 --> 00:57:44,090 Come on. We have a good crew too. 1307 00:57:45,792 --> 00:57:47,658 We have no crew. 1308 00:57:48,024 --> 00:57:49,956 We have no crew. 1309 00:57:49,957 --> 00:57:51,657 Are we going to J.Crew? 1310 00:57:52,058 --> 00:57:53,057 Fuck J.Crew. 1311 00:57:55,891 --> 00:57:57,489 Don't do this. 1312 00:57:57,489 --> 00:57:59,056 I think I'm going to have to fight them all, 1313 00:57:59,058 --> 00:58:00,822 so you're going to have to take the first punch. 1314 00:58:00,823 --> 00:58:02,690 - What? - Okay! He's up first. 1315 00:58:04,357 --> 00:58:05,622 Whatever. 1316 00:58:06,024 --> 00:58:07,855 You like that shit, white boy? 1317 00:58:07,857 --> 00:58:09,486 Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? 1318 00:58:09,487 --> 00:58:11,421 What? You want next, bitch? 1319 00:58:11,423 --> 00:58:14,122 Hey, I thought I had next. 1320 00:58:30,621 --> 00:58:33,185 Tell him you're sorry you made fun of him for being gay. 1321 00:58:34,522 --> 00:58:37,320 I'm sorry I made fun of you for being gay! 1322 00:58:37,322 --> 00:58:39,419 Tell him you were raised in a different era, 1323 00:58:39,421 --> 00:58:41,454 but now you know it's wrong to judge people 1324 00:58:41,455 --> 00:58:43,718 based on their sexual orientation 1325 00:58:43,719 --> 00:58:45,051 and that if you had to be gay with someone 1326 00:58:45,053 --> 00:58:46,850 for some reason, 1327 00:58:46,852 --> 00:58:48,750 you know, to prevent a terrorist attack or something, 1328 00:58:48,751 --> 00:58:49,919 it would be with him. 1329 00:58:50,652 --> 00:58:52,617 What?! 1330 00:58:52,619 --> 00:58:53,884 Say it. 1331 00:58:54,885 --> 00:58:59,083 If I had to be gay with somebody 1332 00:58:59,085 --> 00:59:01,483 to prevent a terrorist attack, 1333 00:59:01,485 --> 00:59:03,186 it would be you! 1334 00:59:05,384 --> 00:59:07,219 Apology accepted. 1335 00:59:07,551 --> 00:59:08,717 Okay. 1336 00:59:10,452 --> 00:59:11,985 Get out of here before I use my other arm. 1337 00:59:15,950 --> 00:59:17,584 This ain't over. 1338 00:59:20,449 --> 00:59:22,249 Now fuck off and take Jodeci with you. 1339 00:59:23,316 --> 00:59:24,215 Let's roll. 1340 00:59:29,682 --> 00:59:32,714 It's too bad Lenore barfed all over herself tonight. 1341 00:59:32,715 --> 00:59:34,551 I definitely could have had sex with her. 1342 00:59:34,948 --> 00:59:36,981 Yup. 1343 00:59:36,982 --> 00:59:39,414 I probably could have still had sex 1344 00:59:39,415 --> 00:59:40,580 if she just threw up on her front, 1345 00:59:40,582 --> 00:59:42,014 but she somehow got it all over her back, 1346 00:59:42,015 --> 00:59:43,582 and I would have felt bad. 1347 00:59:45,049 --> 00:59:46,550 Well, chivalry isn't dead. 1348 00:59:48,049 --> 00:59:50,813 I like the way you took that haymaker tonight. 1349 00:59:50,815 --> 00:59:52,881 Sometimes you just gotta take that punch up front, you know? 1350 00:59:53,914 --> 00:59:55,580 Then things get easier in the long run. 1351 01:00:00,714 --> 01:00:02,511 "De Oppresso Liber." 1352 01:00:02,512 --> 01:00:03,544 It's written on your knife too. 1353 01:00:03,546 --> 01:00:04,581 What does that mean? 1354 01:00:05,914 --> 01:00:09,544 Hey, lights out after 12:00, boys. 1355 01:00:09,545 --> 01:00:10,877 I better not catch you swimming 1356 01:00:10,879 --> 01:00:12,579 across the lake to the girls' camp, okay? 1357 01:00:13,378 --> 01:00:15,045 - Night. - Good night. 1358 01:00:20,445 --> 01:00:22,377 You know, maybe I'll find something to do 1359 01:00:22,378 --> 01:00:24,376 with Shadia tomorrow 1360 01:00:24,378 --> 01:00:26,645 and give you and Lenore a little more alone time. 1361 01:00:31,744 --> 01:00:32,878 I kind of feel like we're just getting in your way. 1362 01:00:33,510 --> 01:00:35,609 Yeah? 1363 01:00:35,611 --> 01:00:37,308 I'm sure there's something... 1364 01:00:37,310 --> 01:00:39,178 What the fuck? Did you just get naked? 1365 01:00:40,777 --> 01:00:41,708 It's the best way to sleep. 1366 01:00:41,710 --> 01:00:42,776 My God! 1367 01:00:44,409 --> 01:00:46,808 I picked it up in Uganda from the Umbatdo. 1368 01:00:46,809 --> 01:00:48,907 Umbat-don't let your junk touch my leg again 1369 01:00:48,909 --> 01:00:50,175 or you're sleeping on the floor. 1370 01:00:51,743 --> 01:00:52,844 Night. 1371 01:00:53,610 --> 01:00:54,810 Night. 1372 01:01:07,342 --> 01:01:08,574 Jason... 1373 01:01:10,474 --> 01:01:12,141 The fuck! My God! 1374 01:01:18,939 --> 01:01:20,805 What do these guys want to cut all the trees down for anyway? 1375 01:01:20,807 --> 01:01:22,505 For some stupid, like, 1376 01:01:22,506 --> 01:01:24,737 massive, tacky entertainment complex. 1377 01:01:24,739 --> 01:01:26,570 You know, the ones with, like, arcades 1378 01:01:26,572 --> 01:01:28,304 and laser tag. That sort of thing. 1379 01:01:28,306 --> 01:01:29,540 Laser tag? I love laser tag. 1380 01:01:29,541 --> 01:01:30,804 Yeah. 1381 01:01:30,806 --> 01:01:32,570 - When does it open? - Nice. Thanks a lot. 1382 01:01:32,571 --> 01:01:34,537 - Shadia! - Hi, Griz. 1383 01:01:34,539 --> 01:01:38,005 My God, your pics from the Boston rally look amazing! 1384 01:01:38,007 --> 01:01:39,837 - Thank you. - Yeah. Absolutely. 1385 01:01:39,839 --> 01:01:42,003 Sweet Hacky Sack, man. 1386 01:01:42,004 --> 01:01:44,037 It's not a Hacky Sack, dawg. That's the trade name. 1387 01:01:44,039 --> 01:01:45,672 It's an organic hemp-seed foot satchel. 1388 01:01:46,672 --> 01:01:47,669 And what's someone from the fucking 1389 01:01:47,671 --> 01:01:49,036 laser tag lobby doing here? 1390 01:01:49,038 --> 01:01:50,735 No, I'm just a friend of Shadia's. 1391 01:01:50,737 --> 01:01:52,468 Just a friend. 1392 01:01:52,470 --> 01:01:54,304 That's pretty cool, man. What is that, a dance ball? 1393 01:01:54,305 --> 01:01:56,436 Fuck! What the fuck? 1394 01:01:56,437 --> 01:01:58,236 - You're fucking kidding me. - It's like a... 1395 01:01:58,936 --> 01:02:00,669 What the fuck! 1396 01:02:00,670 --> 01:02:02,271 It's a 4-inch acrylic juggling orb! 1397 01:02:02,671 --> 01:02:04,369 Dick. 1398 01:02:04,371 --> 01:02:06,969 I'll see you guys next weekend. 1399 01:02:06,969 --> 01:02:08,734 - Absolutely. Absolutely. - Yeah? Okay. Bye. 1400 01:02:08,735 --> 01:02:10,068 Love your necklace. 1401 01:02:10,069 --> 01:02:11,203 Bye. 1402 01:02:14,835 --> 01:02:15,936 Hey, Griz... 1403 01:02:17,536 --> 01:02:18,333 Don't touch that, it's from Laser Tag. 1404 01:02:18,334 --> 01:02:20,399 Sorry. 1405 01:02:20,401 --> 01:02:21,801 They're good people. I swear. 1406 01:02:21,802 --> 01:02:22,868 Let me see that. 1407 01:02:24,301 --> 01:02:25,465 Where are you going with these "good people"? 1408 01:02:25,467 --> 01:02:26,699 We're heading out to the coast 1409 01:02:26,701 --> 01:02:28,835 to... charter a boat for the year. 1410 01:02:29,434 --> 01:02:31,000 - For the year? - Yeah. 1411 01:02:31,001 --> 01:02:32,566 To do what? 1412 01:02:32,567 --> 01:02:33,732 We're documenting the effects 1413 01:02:33,734 --> 01:02:34,800 of climate change out on the ocean. 1414 01:02:36,802 --> 01:02:38,035 Aren't you supposed to graduate next weekend? 1415 01:02:39,767 --> 01:02:40,901 Yeah. 1416 01:02:44,601 --> 01:02:45,933 Seems to me like you're running from something. 1417 01:02:47,933 --> 01:02:49,797 Come on, haven't you had to make sacrifices 1418 01:02:49,798 --> 01:02:50,866 to get where you are as a photographer? 1419 01:02:51,965 --> 01:02:53,231 I mean, yeah, but... 1420 01:02:54,998 --> 01:02:56,532 That's different. 1421 01:02:57,999 --> 01:02:59,200 Look at this. 1422 01:03:04,899 --> 01:03:06,598 I hate photos of myself. 1423 01:03:07,032 --> 01:03:08,532 Why? 1424 01:03:08,966 --> 01:03:10,598 You look beautiful. 1425 01:03:12,832 --> 01:03:14,164 See? 1426 01:03:28,529 --> 01:03:29,862 Hey. 1427 01:03:30,896 --> 01:03:32,161 Wait, just calm down. 1428 01:03:32,863 --> 01:03:34,461 What? 1429 01:03:34,462 --> 01:03:35,729 Shit. Yeah, we'll be right there. 1430 01:03:36,961 --> 01:03:38,028 - What's going on? - We gotta go. 1431 01:03:39,562 --> 01:03:41,527 And then I came back from the bathroom 1432 01:03:41,528 --> 01:03:43,327 and all those black guys from the club 1433 01:03:43,328 --> 01:03:45,727 were, like, standing around Lenore and Dr. Richards 1434 01:03:45,728 --> 01:03:47,427 and they were yelling at them and threatening them 1435 01:03:47,429 --> 01:03:49,527 and they, like, kidnapped them! 1436 01:03:49,529 --> 01:03:50,993 And I think one of them had a gun! 1437 01:03:50,994 --> 01:03:52,027 Did you see where they took them? 1438 01:03:52,028 --> 01:03:53,459 No. 1439 01:03:53,461 --> 01:03:54,660 Those guys are staying at The Tillman. 1440 01:03:54,661 --> 01:03:55,894 That's all I know. 1441 01:03:55,895 --> 01:03:57,262 - Okay. - Come on! 1442 01:03:58,495 --> 01:03:59,628 - Come on! - Shit! 1443 01:04:04,626 --> 01:04:06,160 What? 1444 01:04:07,460 --> 01:04:08,561 I smell marijuana. 1445 01:04:13,693 --> 01:04:14,491 What are you going to do with a bucket? 1446 01:04:14,492 --> 01:04:15,692 I don't know! 1447 01:04:16,426 --> 01:04:18,692 Okay, on three. Ready? 1448 01:04:19,627 --> 01:04:22,093 One, two, three! 1449 01:04:24,326 --> 01:04:26,324 Okay, let me try one more time. 1450 01:04:26,326 --> 01:04:28,957 The GZA, the RZA, 1451 01:04:30,691 --> 01:04:32,690 Ol' Dirty Bastard. 1452 01:04:32,691 --> 01:04:33,689 What's going on? 1453 01:04:33,691 --> 01:04:35,655 Gang stuff. 1454 01:04:35,657 --> 01:04:37,024 Raekwon the Chef! 1455 01:04:37,656 --> 01:04:39,891 And the Method Man! 1456 01:04:44,323 --> 01:04:46,520 Hey! Here they are! How was the protest? 1457 01:04:46,522 --> 01:04:47,922 It was good. 1458 01:04:47,924 --> 01:04:49,157 Yeah, it was good. 1459 01:04:50,758 --> 01:04:53,321 This is Lamar, Lil' Chris, Big Chris, 1460 01:04:53,323 --> 01:04:54,921 Murray Finkelstein. 1461 01:04:54,922 --> 01:04:57,388 And, of course, you've already met Ty-rizone. 1462 01:04:57,390 --> 01:04:59,956 That nigga's crazy, man. 1463 01:04:59,957 --> 01:05:01,054 Yeah, what's with the N-word, anyway? 1464 01:05:01,056 --> 01:05:02,720 I can say it. I can't say it... 1465 01:05:02,721 --> 01:05:04,354 You can say it when we let you say it. 1466 01:05:04,355 --> 01:05:06,420 Which is never. 1467 01:05:06,422 --> 01:05:08,122 Just never say that under any circumstances. 1468 01:05:12,787 --> 01:05:13,889 Shotgun! 1469 01:05:17,919 --> 01:05:19,884 What the fuck is going on? 1470 01:05:19,886 --> 01:05:21,352 I thought these guys wanted to kill you! 1471 01:05:21,353 --> 01:05:22,986 Lebanese Red. 1472 01:05:24,288 --> 01:05:25,486 I had some of this left over 1473 01:05:25,487 --> 01:05:26,751 from my time in the Middle East. 1474 01:05:26,753 --> 01:05:28,651 You throw some of this shit around, 1475 01:05:28,653 --> 01:05:29,753 you can really get away with anything. 1476 01:05:30,054 --> 01:05:31,517 Have some. 1477 01:05:31,519 --> 01:05:32,522 You're smoking grass now? 1478 01:05:33,420 --> 01:05:35,785 Jesus, this is a gateway drug, Grandpa. 1479 01:05:35,787 --> 01:05:37,618 Yeah, well, you just opened the gateway to being a pussy. 1480 01:05:37,620 --> 01:05:38,684 - Take some. - Yo, D. 1481 01:05:38,685 --> 01:05:40,450 Let's fucking bounce! 1482 01:05:40,452 --> 01:05:41,886 Let's fucking bounce! 1483 01:05:42,319 --> 01:05:43,254 Where? 1484 01:06:04,017 --> 01:06:05,349 Can I say it? Can I say it? 1485 01:06:05,351 --> 01:06:06,981 No! No, no. 1486 01:06:06,982 --> 01:06:08,133 Say it! 1487 01:06:08,135 --> 01:06:09,584 Say that shit! 1488 01:06:18,483 --> 01:06:20,047 I'm totally gonna fuck him tonight. 1489 01:06:20,048 --> 01:06:21,580 Can I watch? 1490 01:06:21,582 --> 01:06:22,682 'Cause I kind of want to fuck him too now. 1491 01:06:25,482 --> 01:06:28,016 Drop the mic, baby! Drop the mic, baby! 1492 01:06:28,073 --> 01:06:29,372 That's what I'm talking about! 1493 01:06:29,373 --> 01:06:30,837 Peace out, niggas! 1494 01:06:30,839 --> 01:06:31,770 I see you, boy. 1495 01:06:31,771 --> 01:06:32,939 Nasty! 1496 01:06:36,271 --> 01:06:39,035 Up next we have Shadia and Jason! 1497 01:06:39,036 --> 01:06:40,203 Yep, it's us now. 1498 01:06:41,336 --> 01:06:43,370 What? No. No, no, no, no. 1499 01:06:44,169 --> 01:06:45,800 - No... - Come on. 1500 01:06:45,802 --> 01:06:47,500 We can't top that. I don't want to do this. 1501 01:06:48,969 --> 01:06:52,433 You know the song. You know every word. See? 1502 01:06:53,733 --> 01:06:55,234 You're going to make me do it all alone? 1503 01:06:55,799 --> 01:06:57,032 Fine. 1504 01:06:58,965 --> 01:07:01,197 Hey. 1505 01:08:11,347 --> 01:08:13,045 Damn! 1506 01:08:24,343 --> 01:08:25,942 Who are you? 1507 01:08:29,009 --> 01:08:31,972 I'm just saying, who sings that well 1508 01:08:31,974 --> 01:08:33,773 and isn't a professional singer? 1509 01:08:33,774 --> 01:08:36,238 You're so good at singing you actually suck! 1510 01:08:36,240 --> 01:08:37,870 You guys want to come up for a nightcap? 1511 01:08:37,872 --> 01:08:40,071 Yeah, well... 1512 01:08:40,071 --> 01:08:42,072 See if shit gets real? 1513 01:08:43,637 --> 01:08:46,801 Well, young Michael Buble and I 1514 01:08:46,803 --> 01:08:48,805 are gonna have a stogie by the pool, so... 1515 01:08:51,235 --> 01:08:52,336 - See you up there? - Yeah. 1516 01:08:59,301 --> 01:09:00,931 I want you to know how much I appreciate 1517 01:09:00,933 --> 01:09:02,133 you doing this for me, Jason. 1518 01:09:04,266 --> 01:09:06,130 The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather 1519 01:09:06,132 --> 01:09:07,931 is a hot college girl who 1520 01:09:07,932 --> 01:09:10,065 wants to have unprotected sex with him before he dies. 1521 01:09:11,329 --> 01:09:15,163 Yeah, well, most grandpas just want toffee. 1522 01:09:19,162 --> 01:09:20,328 What's the matter? 1523 01:09:22,594 --> 01:09:24,194 I think I'm gonna call off my wedding. 1524 01:09:27,560 --> 01:09:31,990 Well, when you get married, it's for a long fucking time. 1525 01:09:31,991 --> 01:09:33,123 And it's hard. 1526 01:09:34,325 --> 01:09:36,155 So it damn well better be with a woman 1527 01:09:36,157 --> 01:09:37,423 who keeps things interesting. 1528 01:09:38,991 --> 01:09:40,289 You know your grandmother, 1529 01:09:40,290 --> 01:09:41,823 she tried to grow her own pot plant once? 1530 01:09:43,589 --> 01:09:45,220 - Really? - Yeah, 1531 01:09:45,222 --> 01:09:46,488 She just wanted to see if she could do it. 1532 01:09:49,055 --> 01:09:50,920 She was always surprising me like that. 1533 01:09:53,954 --> 01:09:56,051 We also tried anal once every five years. 1534 01:09:58,053 --> 01:09:59,453 Sweet. 1535 01:10:01,584 --> 01:10:03,483 I miss having someone to share everything with. 1536 01:10:06,883 --> 01:10:08,016 It's not fair to just keep Shadia 1537 01:10:08,018 --> 01:10:09,251 in the dark like this. 1538 01:10:10,916 --> 01:10:13,944 Since we started this, it's just been one big lie. 1539 01:10:13,946 --> 01:10:15,514 She has no idea who I am. 1540 01:10:16,979 --> 01:10:18,213 I have to tell her the truth. 1541 01:10:19,748 --> 01:10:22,412 Well, maybe telling her tonight is a little abrupt. 1542 01:10:24,046 --> 01:10:26,110 The most important part of a relationship is trust. 1543 01:10:26,111 --> 01:10:28,209 That's right. 1544 01:10:28,211 --> 01:10:30,608 And I'm going to start now. 1545 01:10:30,609 --> 01:10:33,108 Or you can just wait till I have sex with Lenore tonight, 1546 01:10:33,109 --> 01:10:34,909 then you can tell Shadia everything. 1547 01:10:35,776 --> 01:10:37,807 No. I'm just lying. 1548 01:10:37,808 --> 01:10:40,539 Jason, I'm your grandfather! 1549 01:10:40,541 --> 01:10:41,973 You wait till I fuck that college girl! 1550 01:10:41,974 --> 01:10:43,541 - I'm telling her now. - Jason... 1551 01:10:44,173 --> 01:10:45,540 Jason! Jason! 1552 01:10:45,973 --> 01:10:47,305 Jason! 1553 01:10:47,307 --> 01:10:48,507 Jason! 1554 01:10:51,739 --> 01:10:52,805 'Sup, brah? 1555 01:10:55,004 --> 01:10:57,302 Back off, D cups! 1556 01:10:57,303 --> 01:11:00,736 Well, if it isn't the "Professor." 1557 01:11:00,737 --> 01:11:02,666 You know, it's amazing what you can find 1558 01:11:02,668 --> 01:11:04,534 with a name and Google these days. 1559 01:11:04,536 --> 01:11:06,267 You're not a real professor? 1560 01:11:06,269 --> 01:11:08,899 My God! You lied to us. How could you. 1561 01:11:08,900 --> 01:11:10,299 Wait, wait, wait, this is the best part. 1562 01:11:10,301 --> 01:11:11,334 This is the best part. 1563 01:11:13,198 --> 01:11:16,131 Richard "Dick" Kelly, Lieutenant Colonel 1564 01:11:16,132 --> 01:11:17,864 in the United States Army, 1565 01:11:19,063 --> 01:11:22,828 also known as the American Gladiator "Nitro." 1566 01:11:22,829 --> 01:11:24,794 What the fuck did you Google? 1567 01:11:24,796 --> 01:11:29,027 Okay, well, there's another best part then. 1568 01:11:29,028 --> 01:11:33,958 "Jason Patrick Kelly will wed Meredith Miriam Goldstein 1569 01:11:33,960 --> 01:11:37,725 "at Jericho Temple on Saturday, March 27th." 1570 01:11:37,726 --> 01:11:42,022 Wait, that's... next Saturday. 1571 01:11:42,024 --> 01:11:45,756 Wait, you're grandfather and grandson? 1572 01:11:45,758 --> 01:11:47,890 My God! That is so fucked up. 1573 01:11:47,891 --> 01:11:50,024 That is so hot. I mean, that is so fucked up. 1574 01:11:53,555 --> 01:11:55,522 So... 1575 01:11:57,021 --> 01:11:58,387 Are you getting married next weekend? 1576 01:11:59,687 --> 01:12:02,719 I was. I was getting married, 1577 01:12:02,720 --> 01:12:04,018 but then I met you, and now I don't... 1578 01:12:04,019 --> 01:12:05,419 My God! No. Don't pull that shit. 1579 01:12:08,151 --> 01:12:09,883 I feel fucking stupid enough as it is. 1580 01:12:14,783 --> 01:12:17,514 So you're not a professor? Are you even a photographer? 1581 01:12:17,516 --> 01:12:18,915 I'm a lawyer. 1582 01:12:21,182 --> 01:12:23,013 I handle SEC compliance. 1583 01:12:24,947 --> 01:12:26,613 LLC agreements. 1584 01:12:26,614 --> 01:12:27,777 I came up here to... 1585 01:12:27,779 --> 01:12:29,578 Get the fuck out, Jason. Seriously. 1586 01:12:29,579 --> 01:12:30,078 Can I have a second to explain? 1587 01:12:30,080 --> 01:12:31,777 No! 1588 01:12:31,778 --> 01:12:34,046 Hold up, hold up. Not so fast, "Professor." 1589 01:12:36,511 --> 01:12:38,510 For what's it worth, 1590 01:12:38,512 --> 01:12:40,141 I still really want to fuck you. 1591 01:12:40,143 --> 01:12:41,143 And we're going to fuck. 1592 01:12:41,145 --> 01:12:42,175 Yeah, we are. 1593 01:12:42,176 --> 01:12:43,508 We're going to thunder fuck. 1594 01:12:43,510 --> 01:12:44,508 You're gonna tsunami on my face! 1595 01:12:46,008 --> 01:12:47,841 You're gonna flood like the Nile. 1596 01:12:47,841 --> 01:12:50,072 Yeah. I guess the drought in my pussy is finally over. 1597 01:12:50,073 --> 01:12:52,105 The villagers will finally eat. 1598 01:12:52,106 --> 01:12:53,071 You're gonna die while you're eating me out. 1599 01:12:53,073 --> 01:12:55,171 I want your last breath to be in my pussy. 1600 01:12:55,173 --> 01:12:56,506 Lenore! You're such a slut. 1601 01:12:56,508 --> 01:12:58,239 Police! 1602 01:12:58,240 --> 01:13:00,102 That's right. Po-po in the ho-ho. 1603 01:13:00,104 --> 01:13:01,270 Some kind of ganja party? 1604 01:13:01,271 --> 01:13:03,170 Sorry to harsh your mellows. 1605 01:13:03,172 --> 01:13:04,201 Where's my e-vite? 1606 01:13:04,202 --> 01:13:05,834 Is that the jacket? 1607 01:13:05,836 --> 01:13:06,535 Check the right coat pocket. Check it, man. 1608 01:13:06,537 --> 01:13:07,901 Okay, turn around. Come on. 1609 01:13:07,903 --> 01:13:09,001 That's my jacket. That's not his jacket. 1610 01:13:09,003 --> 01:13:10,068 Up against the palm. There you go. 1611 01:13:10,070 --> 01:13:12,900 Let's have a look. What've you got in here? 1612 01:13:12,901 --> 01:13:14,531 - Bingo-bango. - OMG. 1613 01:13:14,533 --> 01:13:15,698 What the fuck? That's not mine! 1614 01:13:15,700 --> 01:13:16,767 "What the fuck?" 1615 01:13:16,769 --> 01:13:17,867 That's not mine! 1616 01:13:17,869 --> 01:13:19,632 The fuck? Well, it looks like Spring Break 1617 01:13:19,633 --> 01:13:21,932 is finally drug free! 1618 01:13:21,933 --> 01:13:23,163 Come on, let's go. Let's go, pretty boy. 1619 01:13:23,165 --> 01:13:25,164 Shall we? 1620 01:13:25,165 --> 01:13:27,096 No, it doesn't go down that way. Let's go. 1621 01:13:27,097 --> 01:13:28,862 I'll wait for you, Grandpa. 1622 01:13:28,864 --> 01:13:29,898 Keep that shit tight for me! 1623 01:13:30,531 --> 01:13:31,764 He's my Henry Miller. 1624 01:13:33,162 --> 01:13:34,494 What the fuck does that mean? 1625 01:13:34,495 --> 01:13:36,029 Exactly! 1626 01:13:38,727 --> 01:13:40,327 Hey, there he is. 1627 01:13:41,861 --> 01:13:43,160 You got blood on your pants, you know. 1628 01:13:43,161 --> 01:13:45,090 Your license isn't even suspended, is it? 1629 01:13:45,092 --> 01:13:47,491 You made all this up just so I'd come down here with you. 1630 01:13:47,492 --> 01:13:48,991 I had to make sure you'd come. 1631 01:13:49,657 --> 01:13:51,224 Fuck you! 1632 01:13:51,225 --> 01:13:52,891 Just chill, Jason. Hakuna matata. 1633 01:13:55,524 --> 01:13:57,687 Who the fuck are you? 1634 01:13:57,689 --> 01:13:59,055 I should have known you were fucking crazy 1635 01:13:59,057 --> 01:14:00,688 the moment you started hitting on women 1636 01:14:00,689 --> 01:14:02,787 the day after Grandma's funeral! 1637 01:14:02,789 --> 01:14:04,619 Don't you fucking judge me. 1638 01:14:04,621 --> 01:14:06,786 You have no idea what I had with your grandmother. 1639 01:14:06,788 --> 01:14:07,919 And everything I've done these last few days 1640 01:14:07,920 --> 01:14:09,917 I've done for a reason. 1641 01:14:09,919 --> 01:14:11,951 You were about to fuck up royally by getting married, 1642 01:14:11,952 --> 01:14:13,717 - and you fucking know it! - Yeah? 1643 01:14:13,719 --> 01:14:15,119 What the fuck am I supposed to do now? 1644 01:14:17,150 --> 01:14:18,750 Chase around some college girl 1645 01:14:18,752 --> 01:14:21,014 that doesn't even want to fucking talk to me? 1646 01:14:21,015 --> 01:14:22,814 Not know what the fuck I'm doing for the rest of my life? 1647 01:14:22,816 --> 01:14:23,682 Yeah, because at least you'd be thinking 1648 01:14:23,683 --> 01:14:24,914 for yourself for a change. 1649 01:14:24,916 --> 01:14:26,714 What the fuck does that even mean? 1650 01:14:26,715 --> 01:14:28,546 Your father has lorded over every decision 1651 01:14:28,548 --> 01:14:30,481 you've made in your adult life, 1652 01:14:30,482 --> 01:14:32,678 and Meredith is just the latest example of that! 1653 01:14:32,680 --> 01:14:34,645 She's not right for you, Jason. 1654 01:14:34,646 --> 01:14:36,145 If you marry her, you're going to be sleepwalking 1655 01:14:36,147 --> 01:14:37,178 through the rest of your life and be completely unhappy, 1656 01:14:37,179 --> 01:14:38,678 just like your father! 1657 01:14:38,679 --> 01:14:41,043 I am already unhappy with my life, 1658 01:14:41,045 --> 01:14:44,609 because I've done nothing but get fucked by you 1659 01:14:44,611 --> 01:14:47,009 and this insane fuck rampage that you've been on. 1660 01:14:47,010 --> 01:14:48,876 It wasn't a "fuck rampage" for me. 1661 01:14:48,878 --> 01:14:50,011 It was a "fuck rampage" for you. 1662 01:14:50,608 --> 01:14:52,207 How? How is this for me? 1663 01:14:52,209 --> 01:14:53,473 I fucked up as a father. 1664 01:14:53,475 --> 01:14:54,775 I wasn't there to raise your dad 1665 01:14:54,776 --> 01:14:56,840 and he turned into a materialistic, 1666 01:14:56,841 --> 01:14:59,973 henpecked, poop-dick country clubber. 1667 01:14:59,974 --> 01:15:01,239 I don't want that to happen to you. 1668 01:15:01,607 --> 01:15:03,240 So that's what this was? 1669 01:15:06,538 --> 01:15:08,106 I was your last-ditch redemption project. 1670 01:15:14,502 --> 01:15:16,234 Congratulations, Grandpa. 1671 01:15:16,236 --> 01:15:17,836 You thought you were a shitty father? 1672 01:15:20,067 --> 01:15:21,268 Now you're a shitty grandfather. 1673 01:15:25,033 --> 01:15:26,233 I don't want to see you at my wedding. 1674 01:15:27,799 --> 01:15:28,866 Stay the fuck away from me. 1675 01:16:12,588 --> 01:16:14,690 So, do you like this size, or this size? 1676 01:16:25,952 --> 01:16:28,683 Hey, hon, the people at the venue 1677 01:16:28,683 --> 01:16:30,548 said they don't have enough mint napkins, 1678 01:16:30,550 --> 01:16:34,115 so which one do you like better? 1679 01:16:34,117 --> 01:16:37,083 The seafoam or the pistachio? 1680 01:16:39,113 --> 01:16:40,215 I'll get it. 1681 01:16:55,709 --> 01:16:57,708 What is it? 1682 01:16:57,709 --> 01:17:00,840 It's... Just another wedding present. 1683 01:17:00,842 --> 01:17:02,606 I hope it's that new big dipping spoon 1684 01:17:02,607 --> 01:17:04,207 from Williams-Sonoma. 1685 01:17:15,072 --> 01:17:18,971 ...and as a tribute to Meredith and Jason 1686 01:17:20,104 --> 01:17:21,969 and the love that you guys share. 1687 01:17:21,970 --> 01:17:24,003 A love I will never know because my dog 1688 01:17:24,004 --> 01:17:25,734 died the first day I masturbated. 1689 01:17:25,736 --> 01:17:26,535 So now I can't get hard unless... 1690 01:17:26,536 --> 01:17:28,467 Okay. 1691 01:17:28,468 --> 01:17:31,333 Also, we've got to stop ISIS. It's gotten... It's too much. 1692 01:17:34,468 --> 01:17:36,498 Got it. Got it. 1693 01:17:36,499 --> 01:17:39,665 You know, today's celebration is much more 1694 01:17:39,667 --> 01:17:43,763 than just about the union of two people, 1695 01:17:43,764 --> 01:17:45,462 it's also about the union of two families. 1696 01:17:45,463 --> 01:17:46,695 Meredith... 1697 01:17:46,696 --> 01:17:47,797 The Kellys and the Goldsteins. 1698 01:17:49,895 --> 01:17:52,663 Let's have Jason and Meredith tell their own story. 1699 01:17:57,795 --> 01:17:59,328 Nice job, Uncle Dave! 1700 01:18:44,983 --> 01:18:46,081 Let's go in for the kill. 1701 01:18:56,478 --> 01:18:58,311 You've been hacked. 1702 01:19:28,138 --> 01:19:29,638 Because you loved me. 1703 01:19:44,600 --> 01:19:45,767 What the fuck? 1704 01:19:48,699 --> 01:19:50,133 That is not Martha's Vineyard. 1705 01:19:51,532 --> 01:19:52,698 Jason! 1706 01:19:55,398 --> 01:19:56,928 - Take it off! - Trying, dear. Trying. 1707 01:19:56,929 --> 01:19:58,129 Leave them on. 1708 01:19:58,130 --> 01:19:59,762 Shut it down. 1709 01:19:59,764 --> 01:20:00,896 I have something to say. 1710 01:20:04,595 --> 01:20:08,157 I think I've been listening to everybody else 1711 01:20:08,159 --> 01:20:10,791 about what I should be doing with my life. 1712 01:20:10,793 --> 01:20:13,392 My grandpa said something really interesting. 1713 01:20:13,393 --> 01:20:14,627 All right, cut the mics. I'm going up. 1714 01:20:15,525 --> 01:20:17,824 ...take that punch, 1715 01:20:17,825 --> 01:20:18,991 that point forward, things get easier. 1716 01:20:21,623 --> 01:20:22,888 - The mic's off. - Jason, your mic cut out. 1717 01:20:22,890 --> 01:20:24,520 What? 1718 01:20:24,522 --> 01:20:26,087 Your mic cut out at the most inopportune time, 1719 01:20:26,088 --> 01:20:27,855 so we can't hear 1720 01:20:27,856 --> 01:20:29,055 why you want to leave those images up. 1721 01:20:30,154 --> 01:20:31,819 Hitting it won't work. 1722 01:20:31,821 --> 01:20:33,255 If they caught it from the PA... Band? 1723 01:20:33,855 --> 01:20:35,054 What the fuck? 1724 01:20:36,120 --> 01:20:37,186 Nick, can you tell her something for me? 1725 01:20:38,553 --> 01:20:40,151 Can you tell her that... 1726 01:20:42,485 --> 01:20:46,850 I'm really sorry, but I can't marry her. 1727 01:20:46,852 --> 01:20:49,316 You think that message should come from me? Okay... 1728 01:20:51,582 --> 01:20:53,114 Uncle Ramon, 1729 01:20:53,116 --> 01:20:55,379 can you tell Meredith that Jason's sorry, 1730 01:20:55,381 --> 01:20:56,715 but that they can't get married? 1731 01:21:00,114 --> 01:21:01,147 Fuck! 1732 01:21:03,878 --> 01:21:05,112 I forgot Uncle Ramon was deaf 1733 01:21:05,113 --> 01:21:06,878 and I talked to him like a normal. 1734 01:21:08,677 --> 01:21:10,542 Uncle Ruben, 1735 01:21:10,543 --> 01:21:12,907 can you please tell Meredith that Jason is really sorry, 1736 01:21:12,909 --> 01:21:14,242 but that he can't marry her? 1737 01:21:17,576 --> 01:21:21,908 He says he's very sorry, but he can't marry you. 1738 01:21:22,108 --> 01:21:24,539 Uncle Ruben, 1739 01:21:24,540 --> 01:21:25,872 can you turn that thing up a little? 1740 01:21:25,874 --> 01:21:28,637 It doesn't get any louder. 1741 01:21:28,638 --> 01:21:29,972 Where'd you get that thing, SkyMall? 1742 01:21:31,840 --> 01:21:33,570 At this point, I'm kind of nervous 1743 01:21:33,572 --> 01:21:35,272 that anybody I pick will have a disability. 1744 01:21:36,436 --> 01:21:38,736 Okay... Waiter... Hey, Pubes. 1745 01:21:40,935 --> 01:21:43,467 Can you please go tell Meredith 1746 01:21:43,468 --> 01:21:44,834 that my cousin Jason is very sorry, 1747 01:21:44,835 --> 01:21:45,869 but they cannot get married? 1748 01:21:47,899 --> 01:21:49,566 Come on, man. It's my first day... 1749 01:21:49,568 --> 01:21:50,832 I know it's your first day, 1750 01:21:50,833 --> 01:21:52,099 but everybody needs you to be a man here. 1751 01:21:53,134 --> 01:21:54,200 Okay. 1752 01:21:57,433 --> 01:21:59,130 Just real quick... 1753 01:21:59,131 --> 01:22:01,731 He sent me... He wants me to tell you that... 1754 01:22:04,930 --> 01:22:06,364 He doesn't think that he can marry you. 1755 01:22:08,628 --> 01:22:09,997 But that he's sorry that he can't. 1756 01:22:16,359 --> 01:22:18,859 She's laughing, so I think that you're in the clear, bro. 1757 01:22:18,861 --> 01:22:20,625 No, it's good. That was good. 1758 01:22:20,626 --> 01:22:21,859 You can just go back and tell him 1759 01:22:23,759 --> 01:22:25,260 that I fucked his cousin Nick while he was gone. 1760 01:22:27,724 --> 01:22:30,023 She's so super cool about it. 1761 01:22:30,023 --> 01:22:33,421 She's like, "Go! Do your thing. Do you." 1762 01:22:33,423 --> 01:22:34,854 She said that? 1763 01:22:34,855 --> 01:22:36,986 That's what she said, verbatim. 1764 01:22:36,987 --> 01:22:38,519 Wait. Should I come down and say bye? 1765 01:22:38,521 --> 01:22:39,519 No. God! Fuck no! 1766 01:22:39,521 --> 01:22:40,884 No? 1767 01:22:40,886 --> 01:22:42,618 Yeah. No need to even... Let's not even... 1768 01:22:42,620 --> 01:22:44,720 You just... I've done it... We're great! 1769 01:22:46,454 --> 01:22:47,584 Wait, where the fuck is he going? 1770 01:22:47,585 --> 01:22:48,918 Jason! 1771 01:22:48,952 --> 01:22:50,118 Jason! 1772 01:23:01,548 --> 01:23:03,582 It's actually the guy on the moped with the iPad. 1773 01:23:05,048 --> 01:23:07,114 NSA stopped using utility vans years ago. 1774 01:23:08,946 --> 01:23:10,776 I figured once you sent the camera back, 1775 01:23:10,778 --> 01:23:12,080 it was time to take drastic measures. 1776 01:23:13,079 --> 01:23:14,645 What'd he say? Are we doing this? 1777 01:23:14,646 --> 01:23:17,410 Plan B, have Pam kidnap you. 1778 01:23:17,411 --> 01:23:18,875 I've got to get her back. 1779 01:23:18,877 --> 01:23:20,076 You want me to kidnap her? 1780 01:23:20,077 --> 01:23:22,743 I'll bring her back to you in a box, bro. 1781 01:23:22,744 --> 01:23:25,774 She's on a bus headed west on I-85 across Florida. 1782 01:23:25,775 --> 01:23:27,641 Her boat leaves in four hours. 1783 01:23:27,643 --> 01:23:28,973 It was easy to track her down 1784 01:23:28,974 --> 01:23:30,839 because of the whole Middle Eastern thing. 1785 01:23:30,841 --> 01:23:32,007 Bet you never thought you'd 69 a girl 1786 01:23:32,008 --> 01:23:33,073 because of the Patriot Act. 1787 01:23:33,075 --> 01:23:34,841 You 69 her, man! 1788 01:23:35,706 --> 01:23:37,871 And then she's dead. 1789 01:23:37,872 --> 01:23:39,670 Are you kidding me, Pam? This is what you drive? 1790 01:23:39,672 --> 01:23:41,970 Yeah, it is so easy selling kids drugs 1791 01:23:41,970 --> 01:23:43,104 from an ice cream truck. It's crazy! 1792 01:23:43,736 --> 01:23:45,368 Jason! 1793 01:23:45,370 --> 01:23:46,703 - Jason! - Go, go, go, go! 1794 01:23:46,705 --> 01:23:47,969 Jason, stop! Stop right now. 1795 01:23:47,971 --> 01:23:48,770 Stop! Stop! 1796 01:23:49,835 --> 01:23:51,400 If you leave right now, 1797 01:23:51,401 --> 01:23:53,498 you can kiss your job at the firm goodbye! 1798 01:23:53,500 --> 01:23:55,034 David, will you get the fuck out of the way! 1799 01:23:56,501 --> 01:23:58,102 Hey, hey! Come on! 1800 01:23:58,765 --> 01:24:00,498 What the hell! 1801 01:24:00,499 --> 01:24:02,465 Hey, guy, unless you want a Chipwich or some heroin, 1802 01:24:02,467 --> 01:24:04,332 get off my ice cream truck! 1803 01:24:04,332 --> 01:24:05,663 Who the fuck is this slob? 1804 01:24:05,665 --> 01:24:07,799 Slob? I am a small business owner! 1805 01:24:07,799 --> 01:24:09,829 I am the backbone of this country! 1806 01:24:09,830 --> 01:24:11,130 I am holding a taser! 1807 01:24:12,498 --> 01:24:14,062 - Shit! - Dude, should I stop? 1808 01:24:14,063 --> 01:24:15,662 What are you... 1809 01:24:15,663 --> 01:24:16,561 I'm kind of in the middle of it right here. 1810 01:24:16,563 --> 01:24:18,696 Shit! All right. 1811 01:24:20,463 --> 01:24:21,962 Raise your hand if you've got a boner! 1812 01:24:23,926 --> 01:24:25,326 What were we supposed to do? 1813 01:24:25,328 --> 01:24:26,594 Just leave him on the side of road? 1814 01:24:27,858 --> 01:24:29,457 Hey, man, can you slow down? 1815 01:24:29,459 --> 01:24:31,491 You're making this very difficult. 1816 01:24:31,492 --> 01:24:32,756 What the fuck! That was you who drew 1817 01:24:32,758 --> 01:24:34,023 all those dicks on me last week? 1818 01:24:34,025 --> 01:24:34,923 Yeah, I drew the dicks. Busted! 1819 01:24:34,924 --> 01:24:36,489 My God! 1820 01:24:36,491 --> 01:24:37,989 Shit! 1821 01:24:37,990 --> 01:24:39,622 Don't worry. Get up. We'll cut through the back roads. 1822 01:24:39,624 --> 01:24:40,956 - Wait, what? - You navigate. I'll drive. 1823 01:24:46,721 --> 01:24:48,154 Watch out! Watch out! 1824 01:24:58,451 --> 01:24:59,818 What the hell is going on? 1825 01:25:03,417 --> 01:25:04,817 - Got ourselves a bogey. - All right, let's do this! 1826 01:25:11,348 --> 01:25:13,579 Fuck! We gotta lose some of this weight. 1827 01:25:13,581 --> 01:25:15,680 Pam, throw some of this shit out of here! 1828 01:25:15,682 --> 01:25:18,780 Hey, look, it's Pam. He's the good kind of Greek. 1829 01:25:20,547 --> 01:25:21,647 Hey, Gene. Hey, Gary. 1830 01:25:25,078 --> 01:25:26,609 How the hell do you know how to drive like that, Dad? 1831 01:25:27,978 --> 01:25:29,610 Damn it, Grandpa. Just tell him! 1832 01:25:31,409 --> 01:25:33,074 I was a Green Beret in Special Forces. 1833 01:25:33,075 --> 01:25:35,440 I taught insurgents behind enemy lines. 1834 01:25:35,442 --> 01:25:36,675 Mechanic was just my cover. 1835 01:25:37,409 --> 01:25:38,675 Good! We're all made up! 1836 01:25:40,340 --> 01:25:41,807 There they are! That's them! Let's go, go, go! 1837 01:25:45,539 --> 01:25:46,623 Shadia! 1838 01:25:46,624 --> 01:25:47,738 Jason? 1839 01:25:47,740 --> 01:25:50,303 Stop the bus! I need to talk to you! 1840 01:25:50,305 --> 01:25:51,537 What are you doing here 1841 01:25:51,538 --> 01:25:52,304 - in an ice cream truck? - Stop the bus! 1842 01:25:52,305 --> 01:25:53,504 Okay! 1843 01:25:53,506 --> 01:25:54,636 Pull over! 1844 01:25:54,637 --> 01:25:56,869 I'm not pulling over! 1845 01:25:56,870 --> 01:25:59,733 Thanks a lot, Pam! You narc! 1846 01:25:59,733 --> 01:26:01,899 What! I'm not a narc, Barry! 1847 01:26:01,901 --> 01:26:03,001 Fuck you! 1848 01:26:03,002 --> 01:26:04,698 Pam, you know him? 1849 01:26:04,700 --> 01:26:06,531 Barry? Yeah, he's, like, my best friend. 1850 01:26:06,533 --> 01:26:09,465 I sold him, like, six tons of ecstasy...! 1851 01:26:09,466 --> 01:26:10,897 That's why they're not stopping the bus. 1852 01:26:10,898 --> 01:26:12,200 It's full of drugs. 1853 01:26:13,667 --> 01:26:15,030 Classic Pam. 1854 01:26:15,032 --> 01:26:16,630 - I know that man. - Stop the bus! 1855 01:26:16,631 --> 01:26:18,664 Jason, where are you going? 1856 01:26:18,665 --> 01:26:19,663 What are you doing? 1857 01:26:21,296 --> 01:26:22,130 What are they... 1858 01:26:34,660 --> 01:26:36,058 You'd better marry that girl. 1859 01:26:36,059 --> 01:26:38,026 Me? Nah, she's not really my type. Too skinny. 1860 01:26:48,323 --> 01:26:49,524 What the fuck? 1861 01:26:50,722 --> 01:26:51,923 Slow down! My God! 1862 01:26:52,589 --> 01:26:53,854 What are you doing? 1863 01:26:56,554 --> 01:26:57,855 Slow down, dude! 1864 01:27:06,284 --> 01:27:07,415 Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! 1865 01:27:07,417 --> 01:27:08,618 Go get her, man! 1866 01:27:09,918 --> 01:27:11,883 What is going on? What just happened? 1867 01:27:11,884 --> 01:27:13,282 Hey. I don't even fucking know, 1868 01:27:13,284 --> 01:27:15,714 but I'm not getting married. 1869 01:27:15,715 --> 01:27:19,712 Okay, so that makes it okay that you were lying to me? 1870 01:27:19,714 --> 01:27:21,713 No. No, it doesn't. 1871 01:27:21,715 --> 01:27:23,313 But you have to admit that when we were together 1872 01:27:23,314 --> 01:27:24,712 it felt great. 1873 01:27:24,714 --> 01:27:26,015 There was something real there. 1874 01:27:27,046 --> 01:27:28,212 Yeah. 1875 01:27:31,445 --> 01:27:32,611 What do you want from me, Jason? 1876 01:27:34,512 --> 01:27:35,879 I want you to stay. 1877 01:27:40,044 --> 01:27:42,575 I just can't stay. 1878 01:27:45,308 --> 01:27:46,609 Okay. 1879 01:27:47,673 --> 01:27:48,975 No, I get it. 1880 01:27:50,473 --> 01:27:51,672 Yeah. 1881 01:27:57,406 --> 01:27:58,639 What if I come with you? 1882 01:28:00,804 --> 01:28:02,537 Come... 1883 01:28:03,971 --> 01:28:05,071 - Really? - I mean... 1884 01:28:07,603 --> 01:28:11,667 I just broke up with my fiancee, lost my job. 1885 01:28:11,668 --> 01:28:13,701 And I think I'm wanted by the police, so... 1886 01:28:14,701 --> 01:28:18,031 A year at sea 1887 01:28:18,033 --> 01:28:19,700 might actually be the best place for me. 1888 01:28:22,465 --> 01:28:23,566 Okay. 1889 01:28:36,929 --> 01:28:38,293 Break it up, lesbians! Let's go. 1890 01:28:38,295 --> 01:28:39,691 Get down on the ground! 1891 01:28:39,692 --> 01:28:41,559 We're doing this because you're lesbians! 1892 01:28:41,561 --> 01:28:43,758 Get down on the ground! 1893 01:28:43,760 --> 01:28:47,290 According to Interstate Statute 17.37, 1894 01:28:47,291 --> 01:28:49,956 arrests made on the Interstate Highway System 1895 01:28:49,957 --> 01:28:51,588 must be executed by state police, 1896 01:28:51,590 --> 01:28:52,956 not your local law enforcement 1897 01:28:52,958 --> 01:28:55,488 from your adjacent municipalities. 1898 01:28:55,490 --> 01:28:56,755 You seem, like, really familiar 1899 01:28:56,757 --> 01:28:58,455 with the penal code. 1900 01:28:58,456 --> 01:28:59,786 You seem real cocksure 1901 01:28:59,788 --> 01:29:01,288 about the juris-dick-tion you're in. 1902 01:29:01,289 --> 01:29:02,920 Real cocksure! 1903 01:29:02,922 --> 01:29:04,885 Someone drew dicks all over your face, you idiot! 1904 01:29:04,886 --> 01:29:05,818 Well, look at that! 1905 01:29:05,820 --> 01:29:07,586 You got dicks on your face. 1906 01:29:07,587 --> 01:29:09,518 That middle one's mine. Look it, this one right here. 1907 01:29:09,519 --> 01:29:10,784 I traced it. 1908 01:29:10,786 --> 01:29:12,285 I thought I recognized that! 1909 01:29:12,286 --> 01:29:14,584 Enough catching up. Let my friends go. 1910 01:29:14,585 --> 01:29:17,483 They've literally done nothing wrong. 1911 01:29:17,485 --> 01:29:19,581 Pam, we've got obstruction of justice here. 1912 01:29:19,583 --> 01:29:21,648 We got reckless endangerment. 1913 01:29:21,650 --> 01:29:23,949 The bus is full of drugs, I get it. 1914 01:29:23,950 --> 01:29:25,548 Speaking of which, I've got to get out of here. 1915 01:29:25,549 --> 01:29:26,748 I got three keys of "Frisbees" 1916 01:29:26,749 --> 01:29:28,446 showing up at the store today, so... 1917 01:29:28,448 --> 01:29:30,445 I should go, question mark? 1918 01:29:30,447 --> 01:29:32,746 Why don't you take my squad car. 1919 01:29:32,747 --> 01:29:34,011 That's a good idea. Give him your keys. 1920 01:29:34,013 --> 01:29:35,011 You mean these keys? 1921 01:29:35,012 --> 01:29:36,278 There they are. 1922 01:29:38,745 --> 01:29:40,377 - Classic Pam. - Classic Pam. 1923 01:29:40,379 --> 01:29:41,377 What do you say we get some lunch? 1924 01:29:41,379 --> 01:29:42,944 Love it. 1925 01:29:44,577 --> 01:29:45,977 See you fucks later. 1926 01:29:47,610 --> 01:29:51,076 So, I'm gonna go with her. 1927 01:29:53,774 --> 01:29:55,640 Yeah, you should. 1928 01:29:55,642 --> 01:29:56,976 She seems real nice. 1929 01:29:59,406 --> 01:30:03,237 You know, I think this is our only way back now, 1930 01:30:03,239 --> 01:30:07,336 so I'm gonna try to get these cocks off of my face 1931 01:30:07,337 --> 01:30:08,537 and get that truck started. 1932 01:30:11,471 --> 01:30:13,003 - Just give me one sec. - Yeah. 1933 01:30:21,567 --> 01:30:22,734 Grandpa... 1934 01:30:23,233 --> 01:30:24,699 Thank you for... 1935 01:30:24,700 --> 01:30:26,497 Don't give me any of that shit. 1936 01:30:26,499 --> 01:30:28,231 Just let me know when you get back. 1937 01:30:28,233 --> 01:30:29,531 And I actually want to see your photos 1938 01:30:29,532 --> 01:30:30,598 in Time magazine. 1939 01:30:31,931 --> 01:30:33,231 This camera set me back three months 1940 01:30:33,232 --> 01:30:34,465 of my army pension! 1941 01:30:48,428 --> 01:30:49,662 Thanks, Grandpa. 1942 01:30:50,859 --> 01:30:53,060 And, Jason... 1943 01:30:53,860 --> 01:30:54,993 Yeah? 1944 01:30:56,858 --> 01:30:58,390 Back in the '80s, 1945 01:30:58,392 --> 01:30:59,756 when Andre the Giant 1946 01:30:59,758 --> 01:31:01,124 used to go to the Playboy Mansion, 1947 01:31:03,224 --> 01:31:05,753 he'd stack five playmates on top of each other on a bed 1948 01:31:05,754 --> 01:31:07,720 and fingerfuck them all. Five at a time. 1949 01:31:07,722 --> 01:31:09,190 Because his hands were so big. 1950 01:31:11,854 --> 01:31:12,987 So... 1951 01:31:14,720 --> 01:31:15,921 That's it. 1952 01:31:20,887 --> 01:31:22,519 Thanks, Grandpa. 1953 01:31:23,485 --> 01:31:24,884 "De Oppresso Liber." 1954 01:31:26,751 --> 01:31:28,518 Motto of the Green Berets. 1955 01:31:30,416 --> 01:31:31,717 It means "to liberate the oppressed." 1956 01:31:45,678 --> 01:31:46,677 Hey. You ready? 1957 01:31:46,679 --> 01:31:47,779 Yep. 1958 01:32:06,974 --> 01:32:08,572 Well, thanks for the ride. 1959 01:32:10,839 --> 01:32:12,006 You gonna be okay, Dad? 1960 01:32:14,573 --> 01:32:15,971 I miss her. 1961 01:32:18,305 --> 01:32:19,837 But I'll be okay. 1962 01:32:24,203 --> 01:32:25,836 I was a shitty father and I'm sorry. 1963 01:32:28,502 --> 01:32:29,602 Well, we'll work on it. 1964 01:32:46,798 --> 01:32:48,563 You're a hard man to track down, Professor. 1965 01:32:52,427 --> 01:32:53,859 Are those my pants? 1966 01:32:53,861 --> 01:32:55,826 Yeah, these are your pants. 1967 01:32:55,827 --> 01:32:57,525 I found a Werther's Original in the pocket 1968 01:32:57,527 --> 01:32:58,828 and I've been sucking on it all morning. 1969 01:33:00,594 --> 01:33:02,624 You do know that I'm not a professor, right? 1970 01:33:02,625 --> 01:33:04,692 Yeah, I know. 1971 01:33:04,693 --> 01:33:06,856 You're just a dirty, dirty grandpa, 1972 01:33:06,858 --> 01:33:09,922 and I'm just a girl from Long Island City 1973 01:33:09,923 --> 01:33:11,123 who likes to fuck old people. 1974 01:33:12,755 --> 01:33:14,089 I like your pull-out couch. 1975 01:33:15,590 --> 01:33:17,319 Yeah, well, I got news for you. 1976 01:33:17,321 --> 01:33:18,754 That's the only thing 1977 01:33:18,756 --> 01:33:20,456 that's gonna be pulling out tonight. 1978 01:33:20,821 --> 01:33:21,954 I'll be right back. 1979 01:33:39,383 --> 01:33:40,681 Hey. 1980 01:33:41,414 --> 01:33:44,214 Look, I'm... I'm sorry. 1981 01:33:44,216 --> 01:33:45,380 I don't know if I can do this. 1982 01:33:45,382 --> 01:33:46,815 I haven't done it for a long time. 1983 01:34:06,410 --> 01:34:08,610 Whoops! I guess they just slipped off. 1984 01:34:10,476 --> 01:34:11,639 I want you to tear open my bra 1985 01:34:11,640 --> 01:34:13,074 like it's a social security check. 1986 01:34:24,870 --> 01:34:27,303 Tell me you've fallen and you can't get up. 1987 01:34:27,304 --> 01:34:28,904 "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up." 1988 01:34:29,235 --> 01:34:30,536 No! 1989 01:34:32,203 --> 01:34:33,402 Now fumble around and pretend 1990 01:34:33,403 --> 01:34:35,267 like you're trying to find your glasses. 1991 01:34:35,268 --> 01:34:37,069 "I'm trying to find my glasses. I can't see. 1992 01:34:38,833 --> 01:34:41,665 "I found them! I can see! I can see!" 1993 01:34:43,566 --> 01:34:45,033 Tell me it's 4:00 and you want to eat dinner. 1994 01:34:46,165 --> 01:34:47,830 "It's 4:00 and I want to eat dinner." 1995 01:34:47,832 --> 01:34:49,530 Tell me the buttons on your remote control 1996 01:34:49,531 --> 01:34:51,763 are so small that you can't find Fox News. 1997 01:34:51,765 --> 01:34:53,195 "The buttons on my remote control 1998 01:34:53,196 --> 01:34:55,628 "are so small I can't find Fox News!" 1999 01:34:55,630 --> 01:34:56,728 Tell me how small they are! 2000 01:34:56,730 --> 01:34:57,861 "They're real small!" 2001 01:34:57,862 --> 01:34:59,727 Tell me how this neighborhood used to be safer! 2002 01:34:59,728 --> 01:35:01,660 "This neighborhood used to be safer!" 2003 01:35:01,662 --> 01:35:03,591 Tell me how things were better under Eisenhower! 2004 01:35:03,593 --> 01:35:05,626 "Things were better under Eisenhower!" 2005 01:35:05,627 --> 01:35:07,226 - We like Ike! - We like Ike! 2006 01:35:07,227 --> 01:35:08,291 - We like Ike! - We like Ike! 2007 01:35:08,293 --> 01:35:09,557 We like Ike! 2008 01:35:09,559 --> 01:35:10,791 We like Ike! 2009 01:35:10,792 --> 01:35:12,456 We like Ike! 2010 01:35:12,457 --> 01:35:14,189 We like Ike! 2011 01:35:14,191 --> 01:35:15,857 We like Ike! 2012 01:35:17,757 --> 01:35:19,288 Are you cumming or dying? 2013 01:35:19,290 --> 01:35:21,556 I'm not sure! Maybe both! 2014 01:35:33,154 --> 01:35:35,454 "...for as by a man came death. 2015 01:35:38,585 --> 01:35:41,720 "By a man has come also life." 2016 01:35:43,451 --> 01:35:45,651 Richard Kelly II. 2017 01:35:46,816 --> 01:35:49,715 Congratulations on the baby's new godparents, 2018 01:35:49,716 --> 01:35:51,313 Jason and Shadia. 2019 01:35:51,315 --> 01:35:52,116 Congratulations! 2020 01:35:55,515 --> 01:35:58,478 Back to Mommy. All baptized. 2021 01:35:58,479 --> 01:35:59,912 You just keep surprising me, Grandpa. 2022 01:36:01,346 --> 01:36:02,712 New dad at 72. 2023 01:36:03,478 --> 01:36:04,844 Great fucking idea. 2024 01:36:04,846 --> 01:36:06,343 Hey, watch your potty mouth! 2025 01:36:06,344 --> 01:36:08,644 - Jesus, sorry... - Yeah, clean up your language. 2026 01:36:08,645 --> 01:36:10,576 And show some respect for your new grandmother! 2027 01:36:10,577 --> 01:36:11,626 I'm sorry, honey. 2028 01:36:11,627 --> 01:36:12,709 That's all right. 2029 01:36:12,711 --> 01:36:14,409 And sweetie, would it kill you to visit us sometimes? 2030 01:36:14,410 --> 01:36:15,442 We never see you. 2031 01:36:16,408 --> 01:36:18,407 Sorry, Nanna. 2032 01:36:18,409 --> 01:36:19,741 - You wanna go grab the car? - Yeah. 2033 01:36:19,742 --> 01:36:21,471 All right, I'll pull around the minivan. 2034 01:36:21,473 --> 01:36:23,205 Go to Daddy. 2035 01:36:23,207 --> 01:36:24,472 There we go, come to Daddy. 2036 01:36:24,474 --> 01:36:25,907 All right. 2037 01:36:27,540 --> 01:36:29,039 It's a little bit weird. 2038 01:36:30,271 --> 01:36:31,705 She's my grandma. 2039 01:36:34,439 --> 01:36:35,969 And you're my uncle. 2040 01:36:37,903 --> 01:36:39,704 - Look at that. - Holy shit! 2041 01:36:40,502 --> 01:36:41,734 It's a good dick. 2042 01:36:41,735 --> 01:36:42,868 My God! Put that away. 2043 01:36:42,870 --> 01:36:44,634 - It's our dick. - Yeah. 2044 01:36:44,634 --> 01:36:46,102 I'm just relieved it's not his dick. 2045 01:36:48,801 --> 01:36:49,967 You want to get the bottle for me? 2046 01:36:50,566 --> 01:36:51,766 Yeah. 2047 01:36:56,666 --> 01:36:57,934 Jamba!