1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:10,000 This film contains strong language 2 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:36,560 CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS 3 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:38,800 MUSIC: Get Ugly by Jason Derulo 4 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,320 # Let your hair down Yeah 5 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:42,560 # Let your hair down We's about to get down 6 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:45,920 # Yeah Oh, my, oh, my 7 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,080 # Oh, my God 8 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,720 # This girl straight and this girl not 9 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:50,360 # Tipsy off that peach Ciroc 10 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,720 # Like La la la 11 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,920 # Ching-a-lang-lang ching-a-ling-a-lang-lang 12 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,720 # Jeans so tight I could see loose change 13 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,960 # Do your thang, thang, girl Do that thang 14 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,680 # Like La la la 15 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:04,720 # To them pretty-faced girls tryna impress each other 16 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:09,000 # And them undercover freaks who ain't nothin' but trouble 17 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:13,040 # Baby, I'm a tell you somethin' only cos I love ya 18 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,720 # People all around the world sexy 19 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,920 # Sexy, sexy, sexy Get ugly 20 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,520 # Diddily, diddily, diddily, diddily 21 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:21,680 # Get ugly, baby Diddily, diddily, diddily, diddily 22 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,560 # Woohoo Diddily, diddily, diddily, diddily 23 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,920 # And everybody say Diddily, diddily, diddily, diddily La la la 24 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,320 # Get ugly 25 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:28,600 # You're too sexy to me 26 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,080 # You're too sexy to me 27 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:32,480 # Diddily, diddily, diddily, diddily So sexy 28 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:34,400 # Damn, that's ugly 29 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,360 # Diddily, diddily, diddily, diddily... # 30 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:40,280 EDDY: Giles! Giles! 31 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:41,920 He loves me, he loves me. 32 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,120 # Get ugly, baby Diddily, diddily, diddily, diddily 33 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,120 # Woohoo Diddily, diddily, diddily, diddily 34 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,040 # And everybody say La la la 35 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,320 # Get ugly... # 36 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,120 PATSY: Eddy? Eddy? 37 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,680 Eddy? 38 00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:58,920 Ed? 39 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,920 Look, I'm twerkin', darling. Look, look, I'm twerkin'! 40 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,240 No, you're not. 41 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:04,760 Isn't that twerking? 42 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:06,360 No, move your bum. 43 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,080 Ooh. 44 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,520 SHE GULPS 45 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:12,920 # Dysfunctional 46 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,040 # Get ugly 47 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,760 # Diddily, diddily, diddily, diddily Woo 48 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,560 # Diddily, diddily, diddily, diddily Yeah 49 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:19,280 # Diddily, diddily, diddily, diddily Woo 50 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,080 # Diddily, diddily, diddily, diddily Yeah 51 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,680 # Diddily, diddily, diddily, diddily You're too sexy to me... # 52 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:26,120 Sweetheart, darling? Saff? 53 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:28,520 # Diddily, diddily. # 54 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,400 LOUD THUMP, GLASS SMASHES 55 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,200 Your grandmother's home. 56 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,600 Darling! Sweetheart! Darling! Sweetheart! 57 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:38,840 Darling! 58 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,240 GLASS CLANKS 59 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,160 # Diddily, diddily diddily, diddily 60 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,200 # Diddily, diddily diddily, diddily 61 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,520 # Diddily, diddily diddily, diddily 62 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,200 # Diddily, diddily diddily, did. # 63 00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:59,320 Wakey, wakey, my lady. 64 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,720 Oh... 65 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:02,600 Oh, get out, get out! 66 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:05,280 You have meetings, meetings, meetings, 67 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,960 parties, openings. 68 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,240 SHE GROANS 69 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,320 Pats? 70 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:12,960 Pats! What? 71 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:16,200 Today's the day I sign the deal on my book deal, darling. 72 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,720 Oh! Fabulous. 73 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,480 Yeah, fabulous. 74 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,120 Am I in it? 75 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,120 Of course you're in it, darling, 76 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,720 cos you are my oldest, oldest friend. 77 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,040 Mmm-hmm. 78 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,640 And who will play me, Eddy? 79 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:34,000 Well, darling, it's only just, like...nearly a book. 80 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,720 It will be a film, though, sweetheart, 81 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,440 because it's about me, isn't it? Yeah. 82 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:40,440 Yeah, it's about London's premier fashion PR. Yeah. 83 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:42,960 Fabulous. 84 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,760 And who will play me, Eddy? Not Jane Fonda. 85 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:47,160 Why? 86 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,800 I've had stem cells and the blood of a two-year-old child 87 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,280 injected into my skin, and my face still looks like this. 88 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,360 You need to be using foetus blood, Eddy. 89 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,880 A little spritz of afterbirth, darling. 90 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:58,920 Mm. Keep up, sweetie. 91 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:03,160 Oh... 92 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,600 I want to go in there, 93 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,520 but I have to go past that big mirror. 94 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:09,080 I think I am now officially fatter sideways 95 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,640 than I am front on, darling. 96 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,840 Darling, you don't need those. I am your mirror. 97 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,160 How do I look? 98 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:17,880 Fabulous. Thank you. 99 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,400 Ooh. 100 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,440 Need to move that, Eddy. 101 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,640 Yeah, I'll call Kelly Hoppen. 102 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:26,840 Fabulous. 103 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,800 Morning. Afternoon. 104 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,680 Oh, when did these stairs get so long? 105 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,520 Since you dug into Middle Earth. 106 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:37,800 Oh, yes. Good though, isn't it? Look at that. 107 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,720 Bo and Marshall rang. What, both of them? 108 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,720 Yes, they want to come and talk about the house. 109 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,840 Why do they want to come and talk about the house? 110 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:46,120 I don't know. 111 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,760 Go outside! 112 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,080 Eddy, I'm vaping! 113 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,480 No, no, darling, you lit it, you lit it. That's a cigarette. 114 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:52,840 And she's a child! 115 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:55,240 Well, then why can't she go outside into the air? 116 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,160 Your mother's here. 117 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,680 Oh, Christ. Anyway, how long is this one here for? 118 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:01,880 When's she going back? I don't know, darling. 119 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,280 All I know is it's something else I'm paying for. 120 00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:05,840 I'm not going back to Africa. 121 00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,960 If Dad wants to see me, he can come here. 122 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,400 Well, why isn't he paying for her? 123 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,920 Mum, we're divorced. 124 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:14,280 Yeah, well, he can't just sit in Ebola or wherever it is he is, darling, 125 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:15,800 and not pay for her. 126 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:17,400 Gabon? 127 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,680 What...what? 128 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,000 Gabon? 129 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:23,240 Gabon? 130 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,640 Why is she saying Gabon? Why are you saying Gabon, darling? 131 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:26,960 Is he still in Gabon? 132 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:29,800 Is he still in Gabon? No. 133 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,520 No! No. 134 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:33,560 Dad's paying for me. What? 135 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:34,960 He gave me a credit card. 136 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,680 Oh! Oh, oh, oh. 137 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,400 Talking about credit cards. Bubble? 138 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:43,240 All of my cards are broken. Fix them, please. 139 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:46,160 Eddy, I'm thirsty. Morning, Mrs M. 140 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,880 Morning, Patsy, dear. 141 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,120 I'll open up a Bolly. 142 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:51,320 SHE GASPS 143 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,080 Darling, where is the champagne? 144 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,240 I don't know. 145 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,480 Darling, where's the Bolly? Where's the champagne? 146 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,560 If you want things, you have to pay for them. 147 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,920 Since when?! 148 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,720 Sounds as though you're going to have to tighten your belt, dear. 149 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,320 Oh. 150 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,600 If you manage that, it'll be a first. 151 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,120 Don't let her eat anything, darling, while she's here. 152 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,560 All right? No eaty. 153 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,720 Eddy, what are we going to do about the champagne? 154 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:17,000 BUZZER RINGS 155 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,400 That'll be Bo and Marshall. 156 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,320 BO: Hi, hi, hi. 157 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:22,760 MARSHALL: Hello, there. 158 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:25,320 Well, no need to rush, honey. Now, be careful. 159 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:26,640 All of this is new. 160 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,080 Hello, everybody. Oh, hello, there. 161 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:31,760 Let's get up here, one, two, three. Oh. OK. 162 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,560 Now, tell her why we're here. 163 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,880 I can't go on with the house payments. 164 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,880 You've paid for all this? 165 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,960 Well, darling, that's how divorce works. Learn. 166 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,680 He needs surgery. 167 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,920 Oh. That's right. We can tell them. Marshall is a transgender. 168 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:49,760 He'd like to live life as a woman. 169 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,640 Oh, that's typical, isn't it? Jumping on the bandwagon. 170 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,800 Finally she gets to cut your balls off! 171 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:58,720 Oh, well, I tell you something, I don't need your measly payments. 172 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,160 I've got a book deal. Mm-hmm! 173 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:02,840 Come on, Pats. 174 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,920 Well, at least you're small. You'll be able to get shoes. 175 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,160 So when does it come off? 176 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:11,240 Oh, no, we haven't gone through "coming off" therapy yet. 177 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,800 Darling, I want you to come with me today because I'm putting the final touches 178 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,200 to the Huki Muki retrospective launch party. 179 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,200 Can Lulu sing at that? No. 180 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,920 Oh, no, no, no, no, that's all got to go back. 181 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,360 That's all got to go back. 182 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,000 Eddy, how long have we got this for? 183 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,160 Oh, well, they've actually lent it for Emma Bunton, 184 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:29,720 but they don't mind. They're fine. 185 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,720 BUBBLES: No, they want it back! Exercise, exercise, exercise... 186 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,240 Done! 187 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,440 RADIO: And coming up today on Woman's Hour, 188 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,760 was Shakespeare's wife depressed? 189 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:42,880 But first, here in the studio we have PR supremo Claudia Bing, 190 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,640 a woman with her finger on the pulse. 191 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,280 Oh, turn that shit off. 192 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,280 I mean, there was a time the zeitgeist blew through me. 193 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:52,200 Now, it's just... 194 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:53,920 A tiny fart. 195 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:54,960 Pff! 196 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:58,960 Eddy, look. Quite close by. 197 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,320 Ooh. 198 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:02,440 No, I'm all right. All right. 199 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,640 EDDY SIGHS 200 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,520 Had him, had him, had him, had him... 201 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,920 Eddy, can we stop off at the Wolseley? 202 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:11,640 No, darling, my cards are broken. 203 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,320 Chiltern Firehouse? 204 00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:15,840 My cards are broken! 205 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,240 Well, haven't you got any of that... 206 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,360 What? ..hand money? 207 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:24,600 No! 208 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:31,480 What's that? 209 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:33,080 Chanel No 5. 210 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,480 No, darling, I'm fine. 211 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:39,000 Marshall, show them your breasts. No! 212 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,560 Oh, come on. Leave it, Bo. 213 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,760 Women, you can't live with 'em, you can't live... 214 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:43,880 SHE GASPS 215 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:45,560 Is this little Lola? 216 00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:48,080 Oh. Africa. 217 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,040 We are sisters. My people are your people. 218 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:52,640 Which people? 219 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:55,000 Black people. I am a black person. 220 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,080 Deep down, we are all black. 221 00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,520 Oh. 222 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:10,720 So... 223 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:12,280 ..can I have an advance? 224 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:15,440 Ha. No. What is this? I just don't get it. 225 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,160 Well, this isn't how it would be written. This is... 226 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,560 This is how I dictated it to Bubble. 227 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:24,040 Bubble. What is Bubble? 228 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,560 My PA, Bubble. 229 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,640 SHE GIGGLES 230 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:30,200 Oh, I thought it was new software. 231 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:34,600 So, you see, I'm just not really understanding anything you say. 232 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,800 I need a coffee. 233 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,280 Coffee! 234 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,840 I mean, the world of PR. Mmm. 235 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:44,400 Who really knows what PR is? 236 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,880 PR is everything. I am PR. 237 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,080 I mean, I took Sting, put him in the rainforest, 238 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:50,800 gave the little pygmies a party. 239 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,800 I put Bono behind yellow glasses. 240 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,640 I gave celebrities AIDS. 241 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:57,800 The T-shirt. 242 00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,560 Anyway, look... 243 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,200 There's not enough here. 244 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:04,520 What do you mean, not enough? 245 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,720 There's pages and pages of it. I dictated it to Bubble. 246 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,440 It mostly just says, "Blah, blah, blah." 247 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:18,000 Who do you represent in PR? 248 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,560 Well, it's not just the "who's", 249 00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:23,800 it's the "what's". It's the likes of... 250 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,960 Not the "likes of", the "actuals". 251 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,360 The singer Lulu. 252 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:30,800 And who else? 253 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,920 Spice Emma, Baby Bunton. 254 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:36,160 And? 255 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:38,760 Queen Noor. 256 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:44,040 Well, I have a huge boutique vodka. I have Pop-Specs. 257 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:45,880 Joel. Graham! 258 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:49,280 Graham! Graham, no, I...I know you. I know him. 259 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:52,240 He loves me. I don't love you. You're gay, come on! 260 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,080 Look, I don't love you! Leave me alone. 261 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,160 I don't know what's the matter with him. 262 00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:58,600 I mean, all my friends are gay. 263 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,080 And Nigella! Yes. I know Nigella. 264 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,880 What about a chapter on that? You know, me and Nigella, 265 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,360 eating late at night... 266 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:07,640 ..in a fridge. 267 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:08,720 No. 268 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,680 Can I have an advance? No. 269 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:14,720 Why? Because it's shit. 270 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:15,920 KNOCK ON GLASS 271 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,120 Eddy, let's go. I'll be late. 272 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,520 You only read 'em, you know. You don't write 'em. 273 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,560 You just work in the shop. 274 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:31,680 You think your life's interesting. It isn't. 275 00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:35,240 It may be worth living, but it's not worth reading. 276 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:38,560 It's happened. Move on. 277 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:41,480 SHE BLOWS A RASPBERRY 278 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:44,680 Bloody, bloody books! Bloody books! 279 00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,920 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! Bloody books! 280 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,960 I have to check the Huki Muki mannequins before tonight. 281 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,680 Coming with me, Eds? 282 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,200 No, no, no, I can't come with you. 283 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,400 I've got the PR persons lunch-of-the-month lunch. 284 00:11:58,400 --> 00:11:59,760 Brunch. 285 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,840 Well, the PR persons munch-of-the-munch munch. 286 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,400 Not munch. Lunch. Oh, kill her, Eddy. 287 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,080 What are we going to? 288 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,640 Have you rung Lulu yet? Oh, shut up about Lulu. 289 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:09,920 Don't rush me. 290 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:12,880 No, I haven't got any money. 291 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,040 Get someone to pay at the other end. 292 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,720 Where's my car? 293 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,720 It's gone back to Baby Bunton. But I need wheels! 294 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,160 Oh! 295 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,800 But you were only given feet. 296 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,080 Shut up, shut up. 297 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,200 Yeah. Love. Love. 298 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,560 Hate. 299 00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:40,360 Put the fishtail next to the red blob. 300 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,080 And change that mannequin, it's too fat. 301 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,280 Why are we doing this by the river? Seriously, it stinks of fish. 302 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:47,000 Is that you? Good grief. 303 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,880 What's the food? All raw. 304 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,200 Freshly dead, octopus with a pulse? Yeah. 305 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,800 Cocktails? The mixologist is Madeira Slice. Yeah. 306 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:57,160 He's doing his flaming gasoline herbal labia cocktails. 307 00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:58,640 No olives. No olives. No. 308 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,560 Oh, Metro wants a paragraph, Patsy. Yeah. 309 00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:03,000 Oh, Patsy Stone, fashion editor, The A. 310 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,920 Fashion designer Huki Muki makes Valentino look like Topshop. 311 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:10,440 Disorientating beauty juxtaposed between life and death... 312 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:11,960 ..and shoes. 313 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,360 Yeah, yeah, yeah, all that shit, but more importantly, 314 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,800 our magazine is sponsoring it. 315 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:19,120 Right, I want Huki Muki smaller, our logo bigger. Yeah, Magda. 316 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:21,880 Oi, Pats. Yeah? I've just been with Valentino. 317 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,280 What's left of him? 318 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,200 Not much. He's a small lizard handbag 319 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:26,520 with a hoverboard of hair. 320 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,360 THEY LAUGH 321 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:29,640 SHOUTS: Shut up! 322 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,240 Guest list, now. 323 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:36,960 Right. OK. Well, we have got all the Jenners and Tyga, 324 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,240 Suki, Cara, David, Kanye. 325 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:43,440 We've got Dolce, but not Gabbana, OK, 326 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,680 SamCam, I don't know who... 327 00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:48,800 Ai Wuhwuh... Ai Weiwuh... Weiwie... 328 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:50,200 Am I going deaf, 329 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,160 or have you not spoken the words "Kate Moss" yet? 330 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:55,320 Right, I'm so sorry, but apart from the fact that me head's full of fish fumes, 331 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,680 it's just bloody impossible because she's left her PR. 332 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,680 I shouldn't have said that, that's secret. Delete, delete! 333 00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:04,040 I don't care. Just get her here. Right. 334 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,320 Offer her ayahuasca and shamans 335 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:08,160 and enough vodka to kill cattle. OK. 336 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:11,520 I'm off to Chanel. Lagerfeld waits for no man. 337 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:13,400 Get me an Uber. A minicab? 338 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:17,360 Helicopter! Course. I don't do traffic! Yeah. 339 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:19,080 Bag. 340 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:20,640 Chanel, Chanel! 341 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,400 I can't bloody work with that shit! 342 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,200 Hi, welcome, everybody, to this month's 343 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,680 PR person-of-the-month lunch. 344 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,080 Eat. It's all free. 345 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,560 No, nothing is free any more. 346 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,800 Even freedom isn't free any more. 347 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,360 It used to be. 348 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,360 But now everybody wants your PIN number. 349 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,480 Sure they do, old girl. Sure they do. 350 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,640 Say nothing. Edina! 351 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:48,000 Claudia. 352 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,720 I hear you've just been for a meeting 353 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:52,520 with my friend Joel at Random Penguin. 354 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:53,960 Yeah, it went really well. 355 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,040 He said how it went. CLAUDIA CHUCKLES 356 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,200 Ladies and gentlemen, Claudia Bing. 357 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:03,000 So, thank you, guys. So proud to be yet again 358 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,560 the PR person's PR person of the month. 359 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:10,160 We will continue to run campaigns 360 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,760 with the..."sergeny"? 361 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,400 Synergy. Synergy. 362 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:15,680 Oh, synergy. 363 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,240 Shooting up and... Out. 364 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:21,120 Out. Shooting out on Twitter, 365 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,160 and joining up all those conversations. We have begun... 366 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:26,720 Do we do that? No. 367 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:31,440 Who knew that a blog post could do more than a banner or cookie engagement? 368 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:33,520 Do you feed my Twitter? 369 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,640 No, I forgot. And it died. 370 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:40,360 Mash up social data and evaluate successfulness. 371 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:44,560 I don't have to list our clients, I'm sure you're aware. 372 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,400 These days, you can't get by 373 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,960 with a couple of old pop stars and a vodka. 374 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,120 LAUGHTER 375 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:53,360 It's a boutique vodka! It's a huge boutique vodka! 376 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:55,040 PHONE RINGS 377 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,960 PATSY, ON SPEAKER: Eddy! Top secret, darling. 378 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:03,280 You don't know this, and I don't know this, but, darling, 379 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,120 Kate Moss is changing her PR! 380 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,200 Darling? Kate Moss! 381 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:10,840 Oh, shut up! Stop! Stop! 382 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,920 Eds, darling... Stop it, stop it! 383 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,800 ..she's going to be at the Huki Muki. Shut up! Shut up! 384 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,960 Don't tell anyone. No-one else would know this. 385 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,520 And don't let that bitch Bing know. 386 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,000 MUFFLED: One moment... PHONE BEEPS 387 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,040 Damn! Damn! 388 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,600 So common. 389 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:27,320 Ooh! 390 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,560 SAFFY: Lola! Lola! What? 391 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,080 Have you seen Gran? 392 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,480 BUZZER RINGS 393 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,120 Hi. Hi. Hi. 394 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:46,600 Oh. 395 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,080 Um, are you OK? You seem a bit flustered. 396 00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:50,840 Yeah, no, uh... 397 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,240 I just need to see Gran off to the airport. 398 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,480 My mother's looking after Lola tonight. 399 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,360 Should I meet your mother? No. 400 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,000 OK. 401 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,080 Sorry. That's fine. 402 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,720 Can I kiss you properly now? 403 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:04,760 I've been thinking about it all day. 404 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,400 Oh...sorry. 405 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:11,480 Oh, my God. 406 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,000 I can't believe that face 407 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,480 came from the womb of the little dumpster. 408 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,360 Excuse me? Tonight, Lola, you are my perfect accessory. 409 00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,760 Oh, she won't need much, darling. 410 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,560 If raw material was the finished article, 411 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,280 there'd be no point of me. 412 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,360 I'm going to straighten and shimmer. 413 00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:27,560 Ow! Ow! Go for it. 414 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,200 Just take the pain, bitch. Your hair will straighten. 415 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,480 Ow! 416 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,760 Yeah, Beyonce cried, too, but she surrendered. Ow! 417 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:37,720 RATTLE 418 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:38,960 Don't stop. 419 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,400 There's something in the suitcase. 420 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,320 Where am I? 421 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:52,560 Oh, Gran! 422 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,400 What is she doing? 423 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,120 I'm off to Cannes, dear. 424 00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,800 Gran is going to Cannes for Aunt Violet's birthday party. 425 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,440 Why don't I know about this? 426 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,760 We didn't want you to know, dear. 427 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:06,040 It's going to be very sprauncy. 428 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:07,280 BUZZER RINGS 429 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:10,080 Oh! No, no, leave it! It's Pats. Patsy. 430 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,200 Hi, darling. Hi, got some threads for the midget. 431 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:15,840 Excellent, yes. Leave them there. 432 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:18,960 Oh, I smell pigs, Eddy. I smell rozzers. 433 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:22,440 Oh, just a thought. Will I need injections, Saffy? 434 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,240 Yeah, lethal ones. 435 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,360 Bonjour! 436 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:27,880 You just met my mother. 437 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:30,760 She seems nice. 438 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,640 Look up. OK, I'm looking up. 439 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:37,560 Patsy's here. 440 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,160 Ugh. 441 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,240 Gosh, I know, darling, it's exciting, isn't it? 442 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,600 I mean, tonight is going to change everything. Yeah. 443 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,320 Oh, my God, what's happening? 444 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,240 No, Eddy. What? 445 00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:51,600 I'm going to... Don't tell him, Eddy. 446 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:52,880 Tell him, Eddy. Tell him. 447 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,720 I'm gonna get Kate Moss! I'm her new PR! 448 00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,400 Ahhh! 449 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,280 Go on, go to Patsy. 450 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,120 We all love you. 451 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:13,880 We love you. We love you. 452 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,680 We thought we'd go to Goa for an Ayurvedic colonic. 453 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,520 It's totes amaze. So beautiful. 454 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:21,360 Yeah. Edina has to come. She has to. You've got to. She has to. 455 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,200 Or we could, like, go out. 456 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:24,920 There's that new club, FoFo BoBo. 457 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,640 Oh, who's DJ-ing? Dead Mice. 458 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:30,200 Oh! Love Dead Mice. Love Dead Mice. 459 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,080 Oh, Edina, you have to come. 460 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,520 Stella will give you all the clothes you need. 461 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:37,200 I would love to dress you. 462 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:38,840 Oh, Eddy... 463 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,000 ..you're my favourite person in the whole world. 464 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,680 You have to do my PR. 465 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,080 Please, you have to. 466 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,120 Please? OK, OK. 467 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:48,760 Eddy! Eddy! 468 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:55,280 ALL: Eddy! Eddy! Eddy! 469 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:01,160 What are those? I'm not wearing them! Listen to me, you little piece of bumfluff! 470 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:04,760 Pats! Will you just let her wear what she wants? 471 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:06,480 Can I do Kate's hair? 472 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,920 I'd love to get ahold of her ends and give them a good tonging. 473 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:10,480 Yes. 474 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,400 Oh, she's going to love you, Lola. 475 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,560 Why? Cos you've got what we all want, haven't you? 476 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,280 Eddy, look. 477 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,640 Youth patch. Absorb, absorb! 478 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:19,800 THEY LAUGH 479 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,400 Now, listen. You're coming as my daughter, all right? OK. 480 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,720 So all you've got to do... I'm not going to be man bait. 481 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:26,400 Oh, you should be so lucky! 482 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,520 SAFFY CLEARS THROAT 483 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,560 What are you doing? 484 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,160 I'm going. I want to go. 485 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,520 Kate Moss is going to be there, 486 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,280 and Eddy said... EDDY SHUSHES HER 487 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:38,400 What? 488 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:43,560 Are you sexing that little rodent downstairs, darling? 489 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:46,520 Do you know what? Fine. Fuck it. Fuck it. 490 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,720 Sorry. Fuck. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck. 491 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:51,080 Fuck it! 492 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,480 I am going out. Do what you want. 493 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,400 You can do what you want. 494 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,240 Just don't do it to get at me. 495 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,680 I ruined my life by trying not to make my mother happy. 496 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,040 Don't do the same. 497 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,240 You wearing Stella McCartney tonight, Eds? 498 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,840 Uh, no, no, no, darling, no, no. 499 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,920 She still won't let me in her shop. 500 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,440 SHE SIGHS 501 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,280 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 502 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,440 I'm here on the red carpet of the Huki Muki retrospective... 503 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,880 ..with London's fashion glitterati. 504 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,680 If you're not here, then who the hell are you? 505 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,920 CROWD CHATTERS 506 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,160 So, you're singing tonight, Lulu? I'm singing, yeah. 507 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,320 It's going to be a great crowd in there. I'm excited. 508 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,200 Jerry, you look ravishing. Tell me, what are you wearing? 509 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:49,040 Well, Richard, I'm wearing a dress that was given to me by Chanel. 510 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:50,920 As you can see, it's beautiful. 511 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,920 I have lots of their dresses, Richard. 512 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,320 Magda, is it possible... No. No. 513 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,680 Gwendoline? Gwendoline? 514 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,240 Hi, how are you? 515 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,520 You're really tall. Well spotted. 516 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,800 It's just cos I was speaking to Lulu and she's, 517 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,560 well, frankly quite small. Great. 518 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,880 Last ones, please. Good grief. 519 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:17,160 Oh, Christ, love, we can see your bumhole. This way. 520 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,880 Do you think Kate's already here, darling? Hiya, hiya, hiya. 521 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,480 Where's Kate? Where's Kate? Darling, just be cool, Eddy. 522 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,880 Yeah, I am cool, darling. I am cool. 523 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,600 Oh, shit! Lulu. Forgot to ring her. 524 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,760 What'll I tell Lulu? 525 00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:32,400 Oi! You're not wearing my clothes, are you? 526 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:36,160 No, darling, no. This is all TK Maxx. TK Maxx! 527 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,040 I can't stand that woman. 528 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:40,200 Let it go. Just breathe. 529 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:42,000 Stella, darling. 530 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,920 Hi, sweetheart. Is your father with you? Is little Pauly with you? 531 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,680 No. Oh, that's a shame. 532 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:48,680 I was hoping to have a little catch-up with him. 533 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:51,960 I haven't seen him since 1969, sweetheart. Know what I mean? 534 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,720 Ugh, God, and the world blamed Yoko. 535 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:58,680 My shoes I just adore. So comfortable. 536 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,600 They're also made by Chanel. 537 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:03,120 And are made of really soft leather. 538 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,160 CHEERING Huki Muki! 539 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:09,200 I need a piss. 540 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:10,680 Huki! Huki! 541 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:14,480 Just a word, please! Huki! Huki! Huki Muki! 542 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:17,360 Sorry, Huki won't speak. 543 00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:20,320 Why do you think there's been such a Huki Muki revival? 544 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:24,240 It's about blobs. Great, big blobs of colour. 545 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,240 OK, but why now? 546 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,240 It's simply that we're ready to see it again. 547 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:30,840 Uh, thank you very much. 548 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:32,760 Claudia Bing, an incredible woman. 549 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,960 You know, Richard, you really can't go wrong with Chanel. 550 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:37,480 I've been a big fan of Karl's 551 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,680 for so many years, and I love what he does. 552 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,360 And glasses off. 553 00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:44,240 And glasses on again, darling. 554 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,400 Ladies and gentlemen, La Roux! 555 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,480 # He wants to know 556 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:50,280 # What it feels like... # 557 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:51,920 Excuse me. 558 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:54,880 Just looking for my mate, Kate. 559 00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:56,520 # She wants to know 560 00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,160 # What it feels like 561 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:01,920 # To settle down Settle down 562 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:03,560 # He's got the money but... # 563 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,480 Have you seen Kate? Have you seen Kate Moss? No. 564 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:06,760 Just looking for Kate. 565 00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:08,240 # He wants to pounce... # 566 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,240 You're joking. 567 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:11,960 # Never know if he's giving you up 568 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:13,880 # Are you just not good enough? # 569 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,320 Lulu, my darling, I thought you were singing tonight. 570 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:17,920 That's what I was told. 571 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:20,200 Do you know what? She's done this to me before, as well. 572 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:21,520 Oi! 573 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:24,800 You. You told Lulu this was her gig! 574 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:26,960 You know what, darling? It is, it is, cos afterwards, 575 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,920 they've said that you can sing Shout. A capeli. 576 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,320 I will bloody murder her. 577 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,840 Has anyone seen Kate? I'm supposed to meet her. 578 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,400 MAGDA: Right, get me half a Bass in a straight glass, all right? 579 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,960 And something to eat, but I don't want nothing with tentacles. 580 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,240 And none of that dim sum bollocks. Get me a sandwich. 581 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,840 # He wants to know... # 582 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:55,160 Kelly Hoppen. What's your take on all this colour? 583 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,040 To be honest, it's doing my head in. 584 00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,640 Eddy, darling, little Kate is on the balcony. 585 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,040 She's out there, darling! 586 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,160 Oh, Lola, Lola, follow, come on, follow. 587 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:11,640 Sweetie! Sweetie! 588 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,320 It's Brienne of Tarth! 589 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,480 Come here, Lola! Come here! 590 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:16,840 Are you OK? 591 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:18,400 HE SIGHS 592 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,120 No, I just...I have this nightmare PR. 593 00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:22,640 Oh, I got rid of mine. Good for you. 594 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,560 Eddy, I'm going to roll away the Hamm. 595 00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,280 All right, darling. 596 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,520 Yeah, I don't even know what they do. Who does? 597 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,040 Oh, watch out. 598 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,680 Hi, Jonny. Patsy. Stone. 599 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:35,040 Patsy. 600 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,520 Hamm. Jon. Hamm. 601 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:39,600 Don't you remember me, Jonny? 602 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:40,960 No. 603 00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:42,520 Jonny Jonny from the Big Apple, 604 00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,880 needing a little taste of the English rose, darling? 605 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:48,120 Oh, God. 606 00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:50,800 Yes, I do. I was 15. 607 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,080 Yeah, but you were a very big 15, sweetheart. 608 00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:57,280 I want you to go over there and just, like, talk to her casually, all right? 609 00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:58,640 And then what? 610 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,560 Well, then I'm going to come over and join you, 611 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,000 and she'll think I'm cool, and, you know, before you know it, 612 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,240 I'll be doing her PR, darling. 613 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,280 That's the plan? Yeah. Jesus. 614 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,360 I can't believe you're still, uh... 615 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:12,640 ..alive. 616 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:14,920 Can I offer you a little taste of something now? No. 617 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:18,680 Oh, come on, Jonny, come on, Jonny, come on. No, thank you. No. No. 618 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,240 You took my virginity. 619 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:21,960 Please leave me my... 620 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,200 ..sanity. Good luck. 621 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,000 Oh, Jonny, Jonny... Hi, Kate, sweetie. 622 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,520 Jonny? Jonny? 623 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:29,840 OK, go, go, go! 624 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,160 Just talk to her. Big me up! 625 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,920 Yes, yes, yes. Smoke, smoke. 626 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,160 Smoke. 627 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,760 Kate? Claudia Bing. 628 00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:58,560 Edina Monsoon! Oh! 629 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,080 GASPS 630 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:05,880 Kate! 631 00:27:09,120 --> 00:27:11,880 Why did you do that?! She fell. 632 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:13,880 You pushed her. No, she fell! 633 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,680 I saw you! 634 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,560 Kate Moss has been pushed! 635 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:18,600 ALARMED HUBBUB 636 00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:22,400 Kate! Kate! 637 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,800 Kate Moss! 638 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,000 Hold on. I'll go in! 639 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,120 You are not going in! Put your jacket straight back on! 640 00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:32,960 Eddy! She'll pop up! It's only water! 641 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:34,560 Someone call the police! 642 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:37,720 It's just water, I mean, why isn't she popping up?! Kate! 643 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,280 Eddy, why did you do this? 644 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:42,200 I didn't do it! Why did you do this, Eddy? She just fell! 645 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:43,600 Eddy, this is my party! 646 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,280 I've got a limp and I don't even know why. 647 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,880 Get them all down, right? I don't want to see anything on camera. 648 00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:53,560 Right, the only thing is... NOW! OK, OK. 649 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,760 I fucking hate parties. 650 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:57,320 I fucking hate handbags! 651 00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:58,640 HE MUTTERS 652 00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:00,920 Oh! Me leg. Good Lord. 653 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,560 Magda! Selfie, Magda! Fuck off! 654 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:05,240 Get them off. 655 00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:08,600 That woman has always been a liability, always out of control! 656 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:10,440 Kate was trying to get away from her. 657 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:12,720 I was shocked. I saw it happen. 658 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:14,280 She was pushed. 659 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,000 Did I miss something? 660 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,720 This is the scene here, where, just a few hours ago, 661 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:23,560 the celebrated international model Kate Moss 662 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:27,880 fell or was pushed from a balcony over here, down into the Thames. 663 00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,440 Since then, the emergency services say 664 00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:33,160 they have been struggling to cope with the aftermath. 665 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,360 HE SHRIEKS 666 00:28:35,360 --> 00:28:36,920 SHE SOBS 667 00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,560 It's my little toe! 668 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:42,440 She fell off her shoe. 669 00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,120 Looking for Kate! 670 00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:47,600 Get back. One more dance. Baby, please. 671 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,720 I'm OK. I didn't fall in the river. I'm OK. 672 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,080 DOOR OPENS 673 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:28,000 Shut up! You shut up! 674 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:32,160 How bad can this be? I mean, you know. 675 00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,840 You have probably killed Kate Moss. 676 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:37,960 Shit. 677 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:41,640 Spoilt your night out? 678 00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:43,600 That doesn't matter. 679 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:47,040 I shouldn't have let you go. I don't know what I was thinking. 680 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,080 She'll be all right, won't she? 681 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,200 Kate, Kate, you know, she's waterproof. 682 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:54,320 That's what we always say about Kate, she's waterproof. 683 00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:56,240 I demand to see your superior! 684 00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:57,720 That would be me. Nick?! 685 00:29:57,720 --> 00:29:59,440 This is Detective Inspector Nick... 686 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:01,680 We know each other, thank you. God. 687 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:03,800 Don't. Yeah. 688 00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,920 Hello, hello? Have they found Kate? 689 00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:08,480 No. No. The currents are very strong. 690 00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:10,680 Only an outside chance... Yes, thank you. 691 00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:12,280 She will either have drowned 692 00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:14,840 or will just be very, very wet. 693 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,120 In the meantime, you're here for your own safety. 694 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,920 There's a very well-coordinated lynch mob outside. 695 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:23,480 What happens now? 696 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,880 Well, I don't think this has to change anything between us. 697 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:28,000 No, about this! Oh. 698 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:31,920 I have witnesses to say that your mother pushed her. 699 00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,520 No! I didn't want her to die! 700 00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:37,960 No, she needed her! Loved her! 701 00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:39,360 We don't know that she's dead yet. 702 00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:41,000 Or even that it isn't murder. 703 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,320 Murder?! Thank you. 704 00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:46,280 Manslaughter charges might be brought. 705 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:48,600 Sorry. 706 00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,080 Oh, God. 707 00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:12,440 Police continue to search the Thames after fashion icon Kate Moss 708 00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:14,440 fell from a balcony at a Huki Muki... 709 00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:17,720 NEWS REPORTS IN VARIOUS LANGUAGES OVERLAP EACH OTHER 710 00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:21,120 There is a real sense here now of devastation. Local people, 711 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:24,240 friends, eyewitnesses are in disbelief. 712 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,680 They are reluctant to leave the banks of the Thames 713 00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:28,960 while any faint hope remains 714 00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:31,320 of Kate Moss being found alive. 715 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,040 We're expecting the police to hold a news conference 716 00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:37,800 to give us the latest information they have about this incident. 717 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:39,960 Now, back to the studio. 718 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:41,400 And some breaking news for you. 719 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,040 The PR guru Edina Monsoon, 720 00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:45,480 the woman at the heart of a police investigation, 721 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:48,040 has returned to her West London home. 722 00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:50,520 EDDY: Don't drive off until I'm in the house! 723 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:54,960 Oi! Oi! 724 00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:58,640 REPORTERS: Edina! Edina, over here! Edina! 725 00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,120 Stop hounding me! I'm not an animal! 726 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:04,120 REPORTERS SHOUT QUESTIONS 727 00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:08,160 TEARFULLY: She was, like, someone that I...I really looked up to. 728 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:10,000 She wouldn't give a fuck what we think. 729 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:11,240 No! 730 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:13,080 Devastated. I'm so confused. 731 00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:15,560 Is there really nothing else happening in the world? 732 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:16,920 Fashion is dead. 733 00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:22,280 Oh! What? Oh! 734 00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:24,040 OMG. What, darling? 735 00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:26,360 You're trending on Twitter. Am I? 736 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:27,920 You're a hashtag. 737 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,400 Oh. Oh! 738 00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,240 Oh, no. 739 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,400 Oh, no, this is horrible. What? 740 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:36,440 Disgusting. 741 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:38,480 Oh! Oh, they hate you! 742 00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:40,120 Who? Who? Well, well. 743 00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:41,680 Oh, here she is. 744 00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:43,760 Here she is. 745 00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:45,840 The fat woman! 746 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:47,480 Yeah, just do the toes. 747 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:50,760 Your fat little toes? 748 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,720 Your fat little celebrity toes? 749 00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:55,760 Yeah, yeah. Right. 750 00:32:57,080 --> 00:33:00,000 Fat woman kills thin woman. 751 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,160 You don't know anything! It was an accident! 752 00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:05,400 Nothing about you is an accident. 753 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:06,880 May I suggest... 754 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:10,360 ..Fat Pink? 755 00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,680 What are you doing? Oh, here we go. 756 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:17,280 Just doing my...this is my therapy, sweetheart. 757 00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:20,680 When are you going to, just for one moment, 758 00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:24,120 take in the enormity of what has happened? 759 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:27,040 When are you just going to stop rolling through life, 760 00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,040 wanting more and more? 761 00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:32,120 Look at this house. Nobody needs a house this big! 762 00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:33,720 I do. 763 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,920 You see? Even your house is fat. 764 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:38,280 Well, I'm on a diet. 765 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:41,560 You're always on a diet, Mum, but you're always fat. Mmm-hmm. 766 00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:45,240 Because you never stop eating! Mmm-hmm. 767 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:47,000 Now, will you please 768 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:50,720 just stop for one second and look at what you've done? 769 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:52,080 Yes. 770 00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:59,080 Oh, I love that girl. 771 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,840 Your death threats, m'lady. 772 00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:10,320 # Like a bird 773 00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:12,400 # On the wire 774 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:18,520 # Like a drunk in a midnight choir... # 775 00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:20,880 Now everybody bloody hates you! 776 00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:23,240 Stupid bloody drunk! 777 00:34:23,240 --> 00:34:25,160 You mucky bitch. 778 00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:27,000 You filthy scunner! 779 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,280 You make me sick. 780 00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:35,040 # Like a worm on a hook... # 781 00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:36,880 I'm innocent, yes. 782 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:40,080 It's Patsy Stone. But I am innocent. I'm innocent. 783 00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:42,360 Excuse me, guys. I'm the victim here. 784 00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:44,600 I'm Patsy Stone, but I am innocent. 785 00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:47,160 That's it, Patsy, lovely. Thank you, darling. 786 00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:48,920 # To be free. # 787 00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:51,040 Yeah. Yeah, thanks. 788 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:52,560 Thursday. 789 00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:08,880 Can you just shut up, please, darling? 790 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:10,600 Cos I'm trying to do my Mindlessness. 791 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:14,320 I'm being trollied on Twitter. 792 00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:15,800 Oh. 793 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:17,560 Everybody hates me. 794 00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:22,520 When I was coming in earlier, a woman screamed at me, darling. 795 00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:24,240 What did she say? 796 00:35:24,240 --> 00:35:26,520 She told me I was a pariah. 797 00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:28,960 Do you know what a pariah is? 798 00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:32,040 It's a fish. 799 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:34,600 DOOR OPENS 800 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:35,680 That's right. 801 00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:39,000 Flash, flash, flash. Flash for Patsy. 802 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,240 Patsy, flash, flash, flash. 803 00:35:41,240 --> 00:35:42,400 Ugh, Eddy. 804 00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:46,240 You killed Kate Moss! 805 00:35:46,240 --> 00:35:48,400 I've lost my job because of you! 806 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,280 And now I am nothing, as well. 807 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,800 GLASS SMASHES 808 00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:55,480 FOOTSTEPS RUN AWAY 809 00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,560 It's from Stella McCartney. 810 00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:23,400 How many "Om"s have I given you? 811 00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:25,520 How much money have I given you? 812 00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:27,160 Where is my enlightenment? 813 00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:31,880 Where is my nirvana, you stupid, blue, buggering Buddha! 814 00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:42,280 Om... 815 00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,160 Om... 816 00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:48,840 Ba-ding-ding-ding-ding, cha... 817 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,560 Om... 818 00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:55,440 Ba-ring-ding-ding-ding-ding-cha... 819 00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:58,440 Om... 820 00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:02,760 Oh. 821 00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:13,720 Sorry you lost your job, darling. 822 00:37:13,720 --> 00:37:15,880 You're not nothing. 823 00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:17,320 Cheers, thanks a lot. 824 00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:24,480 It's the first thing I've ever had from Stella. 825 00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:26,080 Oh, Eddy. 826 00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:28,600 So the little scrap drowned. Well, people will forget that. 827 00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:30,840 They've forgotten a lot worse. 828 00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:33,120 I mean, look at lovely Hugh. 829 00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:35,560 He unzipped his chinos for a prossie blowjob 830 00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:37,560 and we forgave him. 831 00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:40,520 In fact, I think we loved him a little bit more after that. 832 00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:45,000 I mean, she's probably popped up somewhere, hasn't she? 833 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:46,960 Just confused and shivering. 834 00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:51,520 Poor little tiny, wet Katie, flapping about in the mud. 835 00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:53,720 Washed up on the Isle of Dogs. 836 00:37:53,720 --> 00:37:55,160 Yeah. 837 00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:58,880 I mean, Eddy... 838 00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:00,480 ..things float. 839 00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:01,920 Yeah. 840 00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:05,480 Yeah, things drift, and they float. 841 00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:09,000 I mean, why aren't those idiots floating something down the river? 842 00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:10,720 Eddy... 843 00:38:10,720 --> 00:38:13,880 ..if you want something done, you've got to do it yourself. 844 00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:15,040 Yeah. 845 00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:24,160 Right, it's the right place and the right time. 846 00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:26,720 What for? Shut up. 847 00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:32,960 Right. Are you ready, Pats? 848 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:35,200 Ready, Eddy. Ready for what? 849 00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:36,680 THUD Ah! 850 00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:40,840 Go, drift. 851 00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:48,720 Bubble? 852 00:38:48,720 --> 00:38:50,360 Bubble! 853 00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:52,560 Where is she, Ed? Darling, I don't know. Bubble? 854 00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:54,120 She swims too fast. Bubble! 855 00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:56,760 There she is. Go forward! What is she doing? 856 00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:59,040 Bubble! Fish her out, the little insect. 857 00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:00,760 Bubble! 858 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:02,160 SHE GASPS 859 00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:05,840 Bubble? 860 00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:07,600 Darling, she fell off. 861 00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:10,240 Bubble. Eddy. 862 00:39:10,240 --> 00:39:11,720 It's OK, no-one saw. 863 00:39:11,720 --> 00:39:13,280 No, but, Eddy, they'll find her! 864 00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:15,880 Just go, then! Just go, go, go! 865 00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:19,960 Go, darling, go, go, go. 866 00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:29,240 Oh, that's great, isn't it? 867 00:39:29,240 --> 00:39:31,040 Now I've killed two people! 868 00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:33,160 Oh! Come on! 869 00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:35,480 Eddy, we've got to get away. We've got to go now. 870 00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,920 But where? Where? I mean, I can't leave the country, can I? 871 00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:39,520 I'm a marked woman! 872 00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:41,680 We could go north. North? 873 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:43,080 Well, what, south? 874 00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:44,960 I don't know, darling, you know what we need. 875 00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,080 Yeah, we need money. Yes. 876 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:53,000 Darling, darling. Listen. 877 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,480 When this is actually over, 878 00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:58,760 and it will actually be over one day, darling... Yeah. 879 00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:02,280 ..will you please just remind me... 880 00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:05,320 ..to go back for the boots that I just saw in Westwood window. 881 00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:13,240 Eddy? Yeah? What is this? 882 00:40:13,240 --> 00:40:15,720 Darling, it's a onesie. Oh. Right. Mm. 883 00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:19,240 Eddy, I've got some pills. 884 00:40:19,240 --> 00:40:21,040 Yeah, pills, pills, pills. 885 00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:23,800 I've got some little blue ones, little pink ones. Oh, little pinky. 886 00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:26,400 That one, I'll have that little blue one. What's that? 887 00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:28,120 It's a button. It's...it's a button! 888 00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:29,480 THEY LAUGH 889 00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:34,840 I mean, maybe I should just resign myself to my fate, darling. 890 00:40:36,240 --> 00:40:38,840 I mean, I can't redecorate my way out of this one, can I? 891 00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:40,800 BANG You bitch! 892 00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:43,920 No, Eddy, no, we've got to escape. 893 00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:45,680 We've got to get out of the country. 894 00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:47,240 Darling, I haven't got any money! 895 00:40:47,240 --> 00:40:49,640 Why didn't you marry some of those rich men you slept with? 896 00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:51,120 That wasn't the point. 897 00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:54,600 There must be someone. There must be someone, darling. Someone. 898 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:58,000 Think. We've got to make a serious plan. Think! 899 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:03,440 We could try a bong. 900 00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:04,640 I've got a bong. 901 00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:07,760 THEY LAUGH 902 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:13,720 Yeah, because everyone used to die young. 903 00:41:13,720 --> 00:41:16,960 In old cavemen historical times, they didn't reach the age of 30. 904 00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:20,040 And that's why now, everyone's young and they just want to go so fast, 905 00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:22,800 but when you're our age, you're completely lost, because... 906 00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:24,760 ..we should all be dead. 907 00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:26,640 Shouldn't we, darling? No, Eddy, no! 908 00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:29,520 It's very good to die young. 909 00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:31,520 It is good to go young. Yeah. 910 00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:32,720 Yeah. 911 00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:36,240 Ah! Oh! 912 00:41:36,240 --> 00:41:38,160 Oh, no, it's ash. That's all right. 913 00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:41,680 SNIFFS DEEPLY 914 00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:42,960 Oh. 915 00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:44,280 SNIFFS Ooh... 916 00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:45,720 Eddy, there was Charlie. 917 00:41:45,720 --> 00:41:47,200 Charlie, darling? 918 00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,520 Yeah, Charlie Douglas. He had an enormous yacht. 919 00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:54,840 Ah, he never married. 920 00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:57,240 He said I was the only girl he would ever marry. 921 00:41:57,240 --> 00:41:59,040 He said he would wait for me. 922 00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:00,680 Oh... We had some good times, Eddy. 923 00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:02,600 We had good times. And he was rich! 924 00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:04,800 Charlie... He was very rich! 925 00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:09,880 Eddy. Yeah? 926 00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:12,200 Saffy's little birth blob has money. 927 00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:18,440 Darling. We need Lola. We need to take Lola. 928 00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:19,680 SHE LAUGHS 929 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:21,000 Oh, we need Lola. 930 00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,080 I can hear everything you're saying, you know. 931 00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:25,760 Everything. 932 00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:28,520 Are you looking for my money so you can go find Charlie? 933 00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:30,840 No, no, no, darling. No, no, no. 934 00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:33,800 Yes! Give us your credit cards and you won't get hurt! 935 00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:35,240 Why should I? 936 00:42:35,240 --> 00:42:36,680 Oh. Oh... 937 00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:39,640 Because, all right, darling, now, you listen to me, all right? 938 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:41,400 I've messed up, I know that, 939 00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,760 but that's going to happen to anybody who really lives life, 940 00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:48,040 who REALLY lives life, darling. 941 00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,600 And do you know what? I now know who my friends are. 942 00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:52,960 Husbands, they come and go, but my friend has stayed. 943 00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:55,960 Why does she stay? 944 00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:58,000 Because it's bloody good fun. 945 00:42:58,000 --> 00:42:59,560 We have fun! 946 00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:02,600 It's good fun, darling. Do you see? And you know what? 947 00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:06,360 There's so many great times out there waiting for us. 948 00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:08,160 And I don't want to miss them. 949 00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:10,080 We don't want to miss them, do we, darling? 950 00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:12,000 Or would you rather stay here? 951 00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:15,840 You know, with Mum. Dull old Mum. 952 00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:18,320 Or come with us, sweetheart. 953 00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:21,240 Come with us. For fun. 954 00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:24,840 Fine. Yes! 955 00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:26,720 You're going to need more than the card. 956 00:43:26,720 --> 00:43:28,960 We can't just walk out of the house in broad daylight. 957 00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:32,600 Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. We need help. More help. 958 00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,840 Who else would be stupid enough to help you two? 959 00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:36,240 Huh. 960 00:43:36,240 --> 00:43:38,160 Oh! 961 00:43:40,720 --> 00:43:43,280 So what is Patsy's plan? 962 00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:44,880 Just do what I do. 963 00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:47,520 We've got to sneak into the house looking perfectly normal. 964 00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:50,520 It's going to be a nightmare with all the paparazzi. Right. 965 00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:53,720 Excuse me! No, no, no! No photographs! No photographs! 966 00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:55,600 But no-one is taking any photos! 967 00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:57,960 Extraordinary. It's as if they don't know who we are. 968 00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:00,040 Missed a perfect opportunity. Get in. Get in. 969 00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:01,600 No photos, no photos. 970 00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:02,960 Come on, dear. 971 00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:06,200 Police are urging the crowd to move on now. 972 00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,640 The flowers and offerings of Hunter Wellingtons 973 00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:10,600 and bottles of Sauvignon Blanc 974 00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:12,560 are proving a hazard to shipping. 975 00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:14,480 SAFFY: Oh, for God's sake, turn it off. 976 00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:17,280 We can't, darling. 977 00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:19,880 We're drunk and have eaten too many drugs. 978 00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:21,760 As per usual. 979 00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:26,400 Where's Mum? 980 00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:31,600 What has happened to Kate Moss? 981 00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:34,840 Where is she? What in the world is going on? 982 00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:42,000 REPORTERS SPEAK OWN LANGUAGES 983 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:45,040 Quick, quick, quick, quick. Come on, Fleur, come on, come on. 984 00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:47,480 Get into this taxi, where we're going almost nowhere. 985 00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:50,040 Get into the car, what took you so long? Hurry up, Fleur. 986 00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:52,840 It's these bloody shoes. All right, taxi, drive. 987 00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:54,240 Drive, drive! 988 00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:57,480 Welcome back. 989 00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:00,600 So, Lily, can you tell us how you're feeling about Kate? 990 00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:02,840 Well... Put it into words. 991 00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:04,760 Well, I... Sad? 992 00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:06,920 I didn't actually know her very well. 993 00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:08,600 But you're devastated. 994 00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:09,920 I... 995 00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,280 Heartbroken. Thank you so much. 996 00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:15,200 Your feelings are shared by a nation still in shock. 997 00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:21,680 How's your mother holding up? 998 00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:26,560 It seems to be taking its toll...facially. 999 00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:28,120 I'm going to wake Lola up. 1000 00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:29,800 I can't believe she slept this long. 1001 00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:31,880 Let her sleep. She's a grown-up. 1002 00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:33,640 She's 13. 1003 00:45:37,240 --> 00:45:38,680 HE YELPS 1004 00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:46,720 I want you to know something. 1005 00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:51,000 I'm sorry I went out that night. 1006 00:45:53,720 --> 00:45:54,840 I, uh... 1007 00:45:56,720 --> 00:45:58,640 ..should have stayed with you. 1008 00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:03,920 Then perhaps you wouldn't have got caught up in all this mess. 1009 00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:10,400 I... 1010 00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:14,480 I love you. 1011 00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:18,440 SHE GASPS 1012 00:46:21,240 --> 00:46:23,520 Lola's gone. She's gone! 1013 00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:26,040 She must have gone with them! 1014 00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:28,280 You have to tell me where they've gone. 1015 00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:29,600 Tell me! 1016 00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:31,160 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down. 1017 00:46:32,240 --> 00:46:33,680 Where have they gone?! 1018 00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:35,720 We don't know. We weren't told. 1019 00:46:35,720 --> 00:46:38,360 A girl has only one confidante, and mum's the word. 1020 00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:41,720 Oh! Her hairdresser, Christopher... Oh! 1021 00:46:41,720 --> 00:46:43,320 Judas. 1022 00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:44,680 Well, I knew she spoke to him, 1023 00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:46,600 because she cancelled her next appointment. 1024 00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:48,120 Look, don't panic. 1025 00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:50,480 It's only a problem if they've left the country. 1026 00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:55,960 Welcome to "Bou-jay", 1027 00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:59,000 where the only tossers are our baggage handlers. 1028 00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:00,600 How are you? Hi. 1029 00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:02,600 Morning. Welcome to "Bou-jay"... Oh, shut up. 1030 00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:03,840 ..where we wing it. 1031 00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:05,920 PILOT: Welcome onboard Budget Airlines. Oh, God. 1032 00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:08,160 This is flight BD115 to Nice. 1033 00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:10,320 Where's first class? Down the back? 1034 00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:12,160 Oh... THEY LAUGH 1035 00:47:12,160 --> 00:47:13,680 There's no first class. 1036 00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:16,480 It's just first ass on any available seat. 1037 00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:19,400 We are three. There's only two here. There's only two seats. 1038 00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:22,320 The middle one isn't a seat, it's where you put your bag. Yeah. 1039 00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:25,880 Oh, no, no, no, they're all seats. Uh, you put your bags up top. What? 1040 00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:29,440 Oh, God. Uh... 1041 00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:33,440 No, I don't...I don't put the bags up. I'm the designated DNB. 1042 00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:36,200 "Do Nothing Bitch." 1043 00:47:39,240 --> 00:47:41,160 Thank you. Ow! All right. 1044 00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:43,880 Sandwich. Heads up. 1045 00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:46,120 Can we get some free drinks and nuts from the bitch? 1046 00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:48,480 Oi, waitress? We want our complimentary drinks and nuts. 1047 00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:53,520 Um...oh, you have to prepay for all the snacks and the beverages. 1048 00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:56,440 Just get your credit card, slip it through your slot. 1049 00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,080 Uh, ma'am, I'm sorry, you're going to have to take your seat. 1050 00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:00,640 I need a piss. 1051 00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:02,040 Yeah, well, it'll have to wait. 1052 00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:05,120 I've started. 1053 00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:12,840 I hate how you have to be nice to transgendered people now. 1054 00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:15,960 Just reach around and get that lady's red wine. No. No! 1055 00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:18,440 LOUD BEEPING 1056 00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:24,880 Oi! Drop the fag, hag! 1057 00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:26,480 What is your problem? 1058 00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:27,800 You! 1059 00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:29,680 ELECTRICITY CRACKLES 1060 00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:41,880 Cheers. Don't get that on British Airways. 1061 00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:48,400 # Les filles, les garcons 1062 00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:49,840 # Les garcons et les filles 1063 00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:51,560 # Ne pensent qu'a chahuter 1064 00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:54,680 # C'est normal... # 1065 00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:57,920 Woohoo! We actually did it, Pats! 1066 00:48:57,920 --> 00:48:59,200 Oh, Eddy, we did it! 1067 00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:01,200 Yes, we're free, free! 1068 00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:04,080 We can breathe! Breathe! 1069 00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:06,120 Darling, we're going to join the jet set. 1070 00:49:06,120 --> 00:49:07,440 Yes! The jet set. 1071 00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:09,480 So you're going to marry this Charlie, then? 1072 00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:11,440 Yeah, no, Patsy's going to marry him, darling, 1073 00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:14,040 and then he's going to die and we're going to get all the money. 1074 00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:15,560 How old is he? 1075 00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:16,920 Oh, he's ancient. 1076 00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:19,360 He's old! He's, like, on death's door. 1077 00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:21,440 Actually, he's the same age as me. 1078 00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:22,720 LOLA LAUGHS 1079 00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:25,880 Darling... We need more champagne, darling. 1080 00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:27,400 No, it's nearly over its limit! 1081 00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:28,920 What does that mean? 1082 00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:31,240 It means we need Charlie's big bucks, darling, 1083 00:49:31,240 --> 00:49:33,360 if we're ever going to live the dream, sweetheart. 1084 00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:35,640 Oh, Eddy, the dream. The dream. The dream, darling. 1085 00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:40,800 # But where do you go to my lovely 1086 00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:43,640 # When you're alone in your bed 1087 00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:48,600 # Tell me the thoughts that surround you 1088 00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:51,440 # I want to look inside your head 1089 00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:53,000 # Yes, I do. # 1090 00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:02,240 I just need to buy some champagne. 1091 00:50:02,240 --> 00:50:04,440 What's that in French? Champignons, champignons. 1092 00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:05,560 GLASS SMASHES 1093 00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:07,160 We need to get out of these clothes, Ed. 1094 00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:09,880 No, it's all right, darling. No-one knows us here. We're all right. 1095 00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:11,280 It's just they're so horrible! 1096 00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:13,080 Oh, Eddy. 1097 00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:14,600 Oh. 1098 00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:17,440 Buongiorno! 1099 00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:23,600 Baby Bunton, Pats. Baby Bunton. 1100 00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:25,000 Shit. 1101 00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:26,480 Eddy, Eddy, Eddy. 1102 00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:33,120 INDISTINCT 1103 00:50:37,760 --> 00:50:40,400 Why can't we go anywhere in the world without knowing someone? 1104 00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:42,360 She didn't see us. Phew! 1105 00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:44,440 I think I've just seen Edina Monsoon. 1106 00:50:44,440 --> 00:50:45,880 Really? 1107 00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,360 Well, unless you've seen a mannequin that fat before. 1108 00:50:51,720 --> 00:50:53,680 Oh... 1109 00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:55,720 SHE BREATHES DEEPLY 1110 00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:00,520 Hiya! You OK? 1111 00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:04,920 I've booked you into hot yoga after this. 1112 00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:06,920 You do it in an actual oven. Ooh! 1113 00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:09,920 You'd like that, wouldn't you? 1114 00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:13,000 Just don't think about Edina Monsoon. 1115 00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:14,480 Oh, thanks. 1116 00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:15,760 PHONE RINGS 1117 00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:18,440 It's Emma Bunton. 1118 00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:20,120 What? Emma Bunton? 1119 00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:24,560 No. Edina?! 1120 00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:25,840 She's WHERE? 1121 00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:27,440 Have you called the police? 1122 00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:29,320 Yes! And I'm going over there to make sure 1123 00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:31,280 the police do their job! 1124 00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:33,120 Her PA has a house near Cannes. 1125 00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:35,520 Bubble has a house there? Yeah. 1126 00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:37,120 And you talked to her? 1127 00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:40,720 Yeah. She's had a terrible time. It's been quite a saga. 1128 00:51:40,720 --> 00:51:42,960 # Boum Quand notre coeur fait boum... # 1129 00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:44,720 Nothing. 1130 00:51:44,720 --> 00:51:46,240 # Tout avec lui dit boum... # 1131 00:51:46,240 --> 00:51:47,480 What's that? 1132 00:51:47,480 --> 00:51:49,600 # Et c'est l'amour qui s'eveille... # 1133 00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:52,080 That's nice. EBay. 1134 00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:53,440 Oi! 1135 00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:55,480 Oi, you! 1136 00:51:56,720 --> 00:51:59,200 Bonjour. Bonjour. 1137 00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:02,320 Have you been in the water long? 1138 00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,920 All bloody night. Did you jump? 1139 00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:07,720 Did I, buggery. I was pushed! 1140 00:52:07,720 --> 00:52:09,640 # Boum! # 1141 00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:11,320 Lola won't answer any of my calls, 1142 00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:13,240 and I've tried every number for Christopher. 1143 00:52:13,240 --> 00:52:15,600 He won't answer. I'm going to have to go and look for him. 1144 00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:18,120 Well, at least she's with your mother. And Patsy. 1145 00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:21,520 My daughter is with Patsy. I'll come with you. No. 1146 00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:24,240 Your mother's got to be back in three days for the primary hearing. 1147 00:52:24,240 --> 00:52:26,400 I don't care about my mother. No, I'm sorry. 1148 00:52:26,400 --> 00:52:28,240 Let me. No! 1149 00:52:28,240 --> 00:52:30,080 I'm better on my own. 1150 00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:42,200 LOUD MUSIC 1151 00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:45,920 # Shoot that poison arrow to my heart, heart, heart 1152 00:52:45,920 --> 00:52:47,880 # Shoot that poison arrow to my heart... # 1153 00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:49,400 Oh, hello. I know you. 1154 00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:51,720 Yes, my mother used to bring me here as a child. 1155 00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:56,520 # Shoot that poison arrow to my heart, heart, heart 1156 00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:58,360 # Shoot that poison arrow 1157 00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:02,400 # Shoot that poison arrow... # 1158 00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:08,400 Christopher, I know you're here. I just saw you. 1159 00:53:08,400 --> 00:53:10,800 BOOING 1160 00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:12,360 My daughter's gone missing 1161 00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:14,680 and I think you might know where she's gone. 1162 00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:16,120 Clear off, you little wet wipe! 1163 00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:18,800 BOOING 1164 00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:20,480 Just sing something. 1165 00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:22,200 That'll quieten them down. 1166 00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:23,400 MUSIC STARTS 1167 00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:25,840 Oh, get off, you little bitch troll! 1168 00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:27,920 BOOING 1169 00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:32,520 # I learned the truth at 17 1170 00:53:32,520 --> 00:53:36,560 # That love was meant for beauty queens 1171 00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:40,200 # And high school girls with clear-skinned smiles 1172 00:53:40,200 --> 00:53:43,320 # Who married young and then retired 1173 00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:51,440 # And those of us with ravaged faces 1174 00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:54,520 # Lacking in the social graces 1175 00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:58,200 # Desperately remained at home 1176 00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:01,960 # Inventing lovers on the phone 1177 00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:04,920 # Who called to say "Come dance with me" 1178 00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:09,640 # And murmured vague obscenities 1179 00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:14,120 # It isn't all it seems at 17. # 1180 00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:20,440 So who is this Charles, then? 1181 00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:22,520 Oh, he's just some old scrotum that Patsy knows. 1182 00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,120 More money than marbles. 1183 00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:26,120 Charles was rather superb, actually. 1184 00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:29,120 Back in the days when the South of France was really something 1185 00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:30,520 and God created woman 1186 00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:32,720 and Brigitte Bardot was just out of nappies. 1187 00:54:32,720 --> 00:54:34,800 She's back in 'em now. 1188 00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:37,200 What did Charles do? Films. 1189 00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:39,360 What kind? Art films. 1190 00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:43,920 Oh, porn! 1191 00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:47,760 Well, no, no. For connoisseurs... 1192 00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:50,200 Gentlemen. Yeah. Gentlesseurs. Yeah. 1193 00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:51,600 And if you don't find him? 1194 00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:55,000 This is my old hunting ground. Plenty of prey out there. 1195 00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:56,920 And they won't need beaters to flush 'em out 1196 00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:58,560 once they sniff me up the Croisette. 1197 00:54:58,560 --> 00:54:59,800 THEY CHUCKLE 1198 00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:03,400 Right, so the plan is, we're going to start at Violet's party, 1199 00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:05,640 aren't we? Yeah. Because all the old guys will be there. 1200 00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:08,400 My mother's not aware of anything, and Violet's not going to care. 1201 00:55:08,400 --> 00:55:10,880 We're in the South of France, everyone's a criminal! 1202 00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:12,920 Plenty of cleavage, Eddy. Yeah, I will, darling. 1203 00:55:12,920 --> 00:55:15,560 I'm wearing this. It should still fit. But not those shoes, Eddy. 1204 00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:17,480 No, these shoes, darling. No, not those shoes. 1205 00:55:17,480 --> 00:55:19,440 No, but I like these shoes. They make you hobble. 1206 00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:21,560 Yeah, well, I'm going to wear these shoes anyway. 1207 00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:22,880 Cos I've got thin ankles. 1208 00:55:23,800 --> 00:55:27,720 ALL SING: # We all play the game and when we dare 1209 00:55:27,720 --> 00:55:31,440 # We cheat ourselves at solitaire 1210 00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:34,800 # Inventing lovers on the phone... # 1211 00:55:34,800 --> 00:55:37,360 Oh, my God. What that woman has done to you. 1212 00:55:38,880 --> 00:55:41,640 You have to tell me where she is. Do you know? 1213 00:55:41,640 --> 00:55:43,960 Cannes. Cannes in France. Thank you. 1214 00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:45,600 And, hey. 1215 00:55:45,600 --> 00:55:47,000 Make your own kind of music. 1216 00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:51,480 CHEERING 1217 00:55:54,560 --> 00:55:55,880 Merci. 1218 00:55:55,880 --> 00:55:58,560 You seem to be very lucky at this. No, it's not lucky. 1219 00:55:58,560 --> 00:56:01,040 It's just that I play a bad hand well. 1220 00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:02,840 Don't we all? 1221 00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:04,280 OK, keep behind us. 1222 00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:07,120 Stay behind. Don't come with us. This is it, Eddy. 1223 00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:10,680 I'm looking good, I'm looking... 1224 00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:15,840 Oh, Eddy, look how young we are. 1225 00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:17,800 Look at the sad shoes. 1226 00:56:17,800 --> 00:56:19,440 It's all leopard print and liver spots. 1227 00:56:19,440 --> 00:56:21,120 It's like old age camouflage. 1228 00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:23,120 I smell formaldehyde. 1229 00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:25,200 What on Earth are you doing here? 1230 00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:26,680 Mrs M. 1231 00:56:26,680 --> 00:56:29,200 Just looking for the party. Well, this is it. 1232 00:56:30,200 --> 00:56:31,760 Yoo-hoo! 1233 00:56:31,760 --> 00:56:33,400 Christ, is that Violet? 1234 00:56:33,400 --> 00:56:35,640 What is this, some late-life lesbo party? 1235 00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:37,200 Where are the men? 1236 00:56:37,200 --> 00:56:38,800 They're all on the terrace, dear. 1237 00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:42,120 We have to make do with cards and a little dancing. 1238 00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:44,600 It's quite nice, actually. 1239 00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:48,280 Terrace, terrace, terrace. 1240 00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:49,760 Yeah. Yeah. 1241 00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:53,480 You stay here, you stay with the old ones. We're off. 1242 00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:55,800 Ooh, look, Pats, not hobbling, not hobbling. 1243 00:56:57,440 --> 00:56:59,760 TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS 1244 00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:05,360 Ah, this is more like it, Eds. 1245 00:57:05,360 --> 00:57:07,320 Yeah. This is our kind of party, darling. 1246 00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:09,440 Oh, yeah, we fit in here. 1247 00:57:09,440 --> 00:57:11,280 Hey, Monty. How's things? 1248 00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:13,560 No ex-wives allowed here. 1249 00:57:13,560 --> 00:57:15,280 You need some help, old ladies? 1250 00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:19,880 The place is full of weird babies, darling. 1251 00:57:19,880 --> 00:57:21,680 Little, stretched foetus faces. 1252 00:57:21,680 --> 00:57:24,760 Patsy! Patsy! 1253 00:57:24,760 --> 00:57:27,560 It's Charlie. Jesus! Stay here, Eddy. 1254 00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:30,360 My God! I'd know those tits anywhere! 1255 00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:31,640 Patsy! 1256 00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:35,080 Oh, Charles, darling. 1257 00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:36,280 Mwa! 1258 00:57:36,280 --> 00:57:38,240 What are you doing here, Patricia? 1259 00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:40,280 Charles, darling, looking for you. 1260 00:57:40,280 --> 00:57:42,480 Oh. 1261 00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:44,400 Still got the yacht, Charlie? 1262 00:57:44,400 --> 00:57:45,960 I've got a big one. 1263 00:57:45,960 --> 00:57:47,360 The trouble is, 1264 00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:50,200 the girls all want their own cabins these days. 1265 00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:53,520 Oh, Charlie, do you remember the old days? 1266 00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:57,800 You... Fiona and that Kristel wench. 1267 00:57:57,800 --> 00:58:00,080 No, no, Charlie. I meant us. 1268 00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:03,680 Black Emanuelle meets Hitler. 1269 00:58:03,680 --> 00:58:05,760 I loved that film! 1270 00:58:07,120 --> 00:58:11,280 Do you remember waking up together in hot, sweet Saint-Tropez? 1271 00:58:11,280 --> 00:58:15,160 Walking across the duckboards down to the fairy blue sea? 1272 00:58:15,160 --> 00:58:17,480 Oh, I miss those times. 1273 00:58:17,480 --> 00:58:19,320 So do I, Charlie. 1274 00:58:19,320 --> 00:58:21,400 But you know what I really miss? 1275 00:58:21,400 --> 00:58:22,880 Yes, Charles? 1276 00:58:23,880 --> 00:58:25,240 Pubic hair. 1277 00:58:25,240 --> 00:58:27,960 I'm sick of those Brazilians and those Hollywoods. 1278 00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:30,520 They're so bald, so boring. 1279 00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:32,720 I had a full beard in those days. 1280 00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:35,520 But I suppose you are what you eat. 1281 00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:37,920 HE LAUGHS 1282 00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:39,680 Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, look at me. 1283 00:58:39,680 --> 00:58:43,400 Remember you said you would only ever marry me? 1284 00:58:43,400 --> 00:58:44,960 Uh, I might have said that. 1285 00:58:44,960 --> 00:58:47,240 Well, Charles, I'm ready. 1286 00:58:47,240 --> 00:58:50,040 My answer is yes. 1287 00:58:50,040 --> 00:58:53,280 Steady on, Patsy, steady on. 1288 00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:55,840 As you can see, we're very well catered for here. 1289 00:58:57,600 --> 00:59:01,320 Charlie, you always said I was the one. 1290 00:59:01,320 --> 00:59:03,720 I think he's tired of you now. 1291 00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:06,960 Isn't she terrific looking? 1292 00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:08,880 Charlie, she's a gold digger. 1293 00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:10,360 I'm a gold mine. 1294 00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:16,920 Oh, by the way, steer clear of the Jacuzzi. 1295 00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:19,680 It's a smoothie of old sperm. 1296 00:59:20,760 --> 00:59:22,000 Ciao. 1297 00:59:27,560 --> 00:59:29,160 Hmm? 1298 00:59:29,160 --> 00:59:30,480 Bastard. 1299 00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:33,000 SHE SIGHS 1300 00:59:36,960 --> 00:59:38,200 THEY SIGH 1301 00:59:38,200 --> 00:59:39,840 No luck? 1302 00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:41,440 BOTH: No. 1303 00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:44,000 You see, dear, we're all too old now. 1304 00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:45,440 Oh, shut up. 1305 00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:47,480 Come on, Eddy! It's my birthday. 1306 00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:49,160 Come on, come on. 1307 00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:50,720 Oh! 1308 00:59:55,040 --> 00:59:57,280 Enjoying yourself? No. 1309 01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:03,800 No, I'm young! You see, I'm still young. 1310 01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:05,640 I'm not old. I'm not old. 1311 01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:07,200 I'm young. I'm so young 1312 01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:08,920 Because 60 is the new 40! 1313 01:00:08,920 --> 01:00:11,480 60 is the new 40! 1314 01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:13,920 No! Not the sad feet! 1315 01:00:13,920 --> 01:00:15,880 SOBBING 1316 01:00:19,240 --> 01:00:21,400 Oh, ow! Ow. Careful, now! 1317 01:00:21,400 --> 01:00:24,120 With your reputation for galumphing into people, 1318 01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:26,240 we don't want you to trip over the Duchess. 1319 01:00:27,640 --> 01:00:28,760 What is that? 1320 01:00:28,760 --> 01:00:33,600 She's the Dowager Baroness Lubliana Thysen von Rothschild und Muck. 1321 01:00:38,040 --> 01:00:41,680 Pats, Pats, Pats, Pats, Pats. 1322 01:00:41,680 --> 01:00:45,600 That is the richest woman in the world. Yeah. 1323 01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:48,840 No, darling, that... 1324 01:00:48,840 --> 01:00:51,800 ..is the richest woman in the world! 1325 01:00:54,120 --> 01:00:55,960 No, Eddy, no, no, Eddy, no! 1326 01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:58,560 Yes, yes, yes. Just come on. Eddy! 1327 01:00:58,560 --> 01:01:00,240 Oi! Where are you two off to? 1328 01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:01,520 Laundry. You come, too. 1329 01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:07,120 REPORTER: Reports from a source close to the investigation 1330 01:01:07,120 --> 01:01:09,480 suggest Edina Monsoon may have fled the country. 1331 01:01:09,480 --> 01:01:12,200 This is for you. Oh. Merci. 1332 01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:15,000 Hello? SAFFY: Hello, Gran? 1333 01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:17,080 Oh, hello, Saffy, dear. Is Mum there? 1334 01:01:17,080 --> 01:01:20,080 Yes, your mother and Patsy are here. 1335 01:01:20,080 --> 01:01:21,600 What about Lola? 1336 01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:23,240 Is she with them, Gran? 1337 01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:25,320 Well, she was, dear. 1338 01:01:25,320 --> 01:01:26,640 Oh, my goodness. I must go 1339 01:01:26,640 --> 01:01:30,080 because Shirley Bassey is arriving any minute now. 1340 01:01:30,080 --> 01:01:31,400 PHONE BEEPS 1341 01:01:31,400 --> 01:01:33,520 MUSIC: Big Spender 1342 01:01:38,240 --> 01:01:40,880 # The minute you walked in the joint 1343 01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:43,800 # I could see you were a man of distinction 1344 01:01:43,800 --> 01:01:45,240 # A real big spender... # 1345 01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:46,680 Very nice. 1346 01:01:46,680 --> 01:01:49,080 # Good looking, so refined 1347 01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:52,800 # Say, wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my mind? 1348 01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:55,240 # So let me get right to the point 1349 01:01:55,240 --> 01:01:58,200 # I don't pop my cork for every man I see... # 1350 01:01:58,200 --> 01:02:00,880 May we join you? Who are you? 1351 01:02:00,880 --> 01:02:03,080 I am Edina. 1352 01:02:03,080 --> 01:02:06,000 May I introduce my brother Pat? 1353 01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:08,880 # Spend a little time with me... # 1354 01:02:08,880 --> 01:02:12,080 Stone. Pat Stone. 1355 01:02:12,080 --> 01:02:14,400 Mmm. 1356 01:02:14,400 --> 01:02:16,560 Do you know who I am? 1357 01:02:16,560 --> 01:02:21,840 Dowager Baroness Lubliana Thysen von Rothschild und Muck. 1358 01:02:21,840 --> 01:02:25,120 So you're not partying with all the other men? 1359 01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:26,840 No, he likes older women. 1360 01:02:26,840 --> 01:02:28,560 Not those girls. 1361 01:02:29,760 --> 01:02:31,800 # Hey, big spender... # 1362 01:02:31,800 --> 01:02:34,840 We want a proper shuffle, no fuzzing the cards. 1363 01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:37,480 Mmm. 1364 01:02:39,160 --> 01:02:44,080 # With me-e-e. # 1365 01:02:46,080 --> 01:02:49,680 # Spring was never waiting for us, boy 1366 01:02:49,680 --> 01:02:52,800 # It ran one step ahead 1367 01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:54,800 # As we followed in the dance 1368 01:02:59,680 --> 01:03:02,400 # Between the parted pages 1369 01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:04,040 # And were pressed 1370 01:03:04,040 --> 01:03:06,760 # In love's hot fevered iron 1371 01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:08,160 # Like a striped. # 1372 01:03:08,160 --> 01:03:09,960 MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY 1373 01:03:09,960 --> 01:03:13,200 Je vous souhaite bienvenue, freres et soeurs. 1374 01:03:13,200 --> 01:03:18,760 HE CONTINUES IN FRENCH 1375 01:03:21,960 --> 01:03:23,880 French. 1376 01:03:23,880 --> 01:03:25,360 Pat Stone. 1377 01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:26,440 Yes? 1378 01:03:26,440 --> 01:03:28,240 HE SPEAKS IN FRENCH 1379 01:03:28,240 --> 01:03:29,960 Yeah. Promettez-vous de l'aimer? 1380 01:03:29,960 --> 01:03:31,640 Yeah. De la respecter? 1381 01:03:31,640 --> 01:03:33,240 Oui. De l'encourager? 1382 01:03:33,240 --> 01:03:35,720 OK. De vivre avec elle dans la verite? 1383 01:03:35,720 --> 01:03:36,920 Mm-hmm. 1384 01:03:36,920 --> 01:03:39,720 HE CONTINUES IN FRENCH 1385 01:03:44,400 --> 01:03:46,240 Yes. Yes, absolutely. 1386 01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:48,360 Vous pouvez embrasser la marie. 1387 01:03:48,360 --> 01:03:50,120 Now. 1388 01:03:50,120 --> 01:03:51,440 Oh! 1389 01:03:57,000 --> 01:04:00,200 Oh, what a rainbow world we live in. Yes. 1390 01:04:00,200 --> 01:04:01,680 APPLAUSE 1391 01:04:07,200 --> 01:04:09,480 BELLS CHIME 1392 01:04:09,480 --> 01:04:13,680 Till death do you part, till death do you part. 1393 01:04:13,680 --> 01:04:15,600 How long do you think that'll be, darling? 1394 01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:18,400 Eddy, Eddy, let Lubey have her moment. Come on, sweetie, be cool. 1395 01:04:18,400 --> 01:04:19,960 My darling Pat. 1396 01:04:19,960 --> 01:04:21,840 You feeling all right? Oh... 1397 01:04:23,720 --> 01:04:26,920 # MacArthur Park is melting through the dark 1398 01:04:26,920 --> 01:04:32,040 # All that sweet green icing flowing down 1399 01:04:34,960 --> 01:04:37,320 Still got it, hasn't it, the Riviera, darling? 1400 01:04:37,320 --> 01:04:39,280 Yeah, baby, it's still got it. 1401 01:04:40,200 --> 01:04:41,680 Where are we going? 1402 01:04:41,680 --> 01:04:43,520 The Grand-Hotel Du Cap-Ferrat. 1403 01:04:44,800 --> 01:04:47,320 Oh, Eddy, the six finest words in the English language. 1404 01:04:48,920 --> 01:04:50,440 Are we booked in? 1405 01:04:50,440 --> 01:04:53,000 No need, it's mine. I own it. 1406 01:04:56,560 --> 01:04:58,680 SHE MOUTHS INAUDIBLY 1407 01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:12,800 I'm so happy. Are you? 1408 01:05:12,800 --> 01:05:14,880 Tremendously happy. 1409 01:05:14,880 --> 01:05:17,480 You and I are married. 1410 01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:18,760 So... So... 1411 01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:23,320 So... 1412 01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:24,600 Happy? 1413 01:05:24,600 --> 01:05:26,360 Tremendously. 1414 01:05:26,360 --> 01:05:29,680 Now, it's late, darling. Bed beckons. 1415 01:05:31,080 --> 01:05:34,160 Does it? Um, another drink? Perhaps some nibbles? 1416 01:05:34,160 --> 01:05:36,280 I'm tired. 1417 01:05:36,280 --> 01:05:38,320 Oh, I'm tired, too. 1418 01:05:38,320 --> 01:05:40,280 Would you mind if I retired? 1419 01:05:40,280 --> 01:05:42,440 Stay and drink with your sister. 1420 01:05:42,440 --> 01:05:45,000 I don't mind. Enjoy the evening! 1421 01:05:45,000 --> 01:05:46,200 Oh... 1422 01:05:47,360 --> 01:05:49,520 And thank you. 1423 01:05:49,520 --> 01:05:51,760 I may be the richest woman in the world, 1424 01:05:51,760 --> 01:05:56,040 but also sometimes the loneliest. 1425 01:05:56,040 --> 01:05:58,040 Oh, Lubey. 1426 01:05:58,040 --> 01:06:00,240 Am I interrupting something? No, darling. Oh! 1427 01:06:01,520 --> 01:06:03,840 Au revoir. 1428 01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:11,080 Oh, Eddy. 1429 01:06:11,080 --> 01:06:13,680 Little Lubey, Eds... Mmm. 1430 01:06:13,680 --> 01:06:16,040 ..is a darling. 1431 01:06:16,040 --> 01:06:18,200 Oh, wasabi nut, wasabi. 1432 01:06:24,280 --> 01:06:26,200 Thank you, darling. 1433 01:06:26,200 --> 01:06:27,960 How are you feeling? 1434 01:06:27,960 --> 01:06:29,440 Tremendously happy. 1435 01:06:33,360 --> 01:06:35,240 What if they've found Bubble, darling? 1436 01:06:35,240 --> 01:06:37,800 Darling, don't think about it. They can't tie it to us. 1437 01:06:37,800 --> 01:06:39,520 Yeah, yeah. 1438 01:06:40,680 --> 01:06:43,200 Eddy, living well is the best revenge. 1439 01:06:46,320 --> 01:06:48,280 This could be our life, couldn't it? 1440 01:06:48,280 --> 01:06:51,800 This IS our life. We're not going back. 1441 01:06:51,800 --> 01:06:54,080 And what's to miss? It's just things. 1442 01:06:55,000 --> 01:06:57,360 Well, darling, you've never had attachments, have you? 1443 01:06:57,360 --> 01:06:59,000 They're not attachments. 1444 01:06:59,000 --> 01:07:02,360 They're parasites, ticks, danglers. 1445 01:07:02,360 --> 01:07:04,360 You can buy new things. 1446 01:07:04,360 --> 01:07:05,920 Yeah. 1447 01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:08,480 Hmm. 1448 01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:12,080 We're not going back. 1449 01:07:12,080 --> 01:07:14,720 Do you want a vodka in that? Yeah. 1450 01:07:20,720 --> 01:07:23,520 LULU: I can't believe you can afford a place like this. 1451 01:07:23,520 --> 01:07:25,320 BUBBLE: Well, I do her accounts, 1452 01:07:25,320 --> 01:07:27,760 and I've been overpaying meself for years. 1453 01:07:27,760 --> 01:07:31,480 'Twas nowt but a wormhole when I bought it, though. 1454 01:07:31,480 --> 01:07:34,080 She's an idiot and she tried to kill you, don't forget that. 1455 01:07:34,080 --> 01:07:35,360 I know, but... 1456 01:07:35,360 --> 01:07:37,280 Look, I called the police. 1457 01:07:37,280 --> 01:07:41,120 They will find her. And she will get it. 1458 01:07:41,120 --> 01:07:43,520 La police est a la recherche d'Edina Monsoon 1459 01:07:43,520 --> 01:07:45,440 et de son amie, Patricia Stone... 1460 01:07:58,920 --> 01:08:00,960 Hello, Saffy, dear. Gran. 1461 01:08:00,960 --> 01:08:04,720 Funniest thing... I was wrong. Lola's not here? 1462 01:08:04,720 --> 01:08:07,720 It turns out it wasn't Shirley Bassey, it was a lookalike. 1463 01:08:07,720 --> 01:08:09,560 Gran, where is Lola? 1464 01:08:09,560 --> 01:08:11,920 I have no idea, dear. 1465 01:08:11,920 --> 01:08:13,320 Come on, Gloria. 1466 01:08:14,480 --> 01:08:16,000 Have you got the balls? 1467 01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:17,520 Oui, bien sur. 1468 01:08:17,520 --> 01:08:19,040 Saff! 1469 01:08:19,040 --> 01:08:20,960 Emma? Lola! 1470 01:08:20,960 --> 01:08:22,160 Are you all right? 1471 01:08:22,160 --> 01:08:23,360 Yeah, I'm fine. 1472 01:08:23,360 --> 01:08:27,000 I found her cleaning my room. They gave her to housekeeping. 1473 01:08:27,000 --> 01:08:29,040 I'm so glad you're safe. Mmm-hmm. 1474 01:08:30,120 --> 01:08:31,360 I love you. 1475 01:08:32,760 --> 01:08:34,000 Thanks. 1476 01:08:36,560 --> 01:08:38,400 What are you doing here? 1477 01:08:38,400 --> 01:08:39,680 Oh, it's a long story. 1478 01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:43,000 Lulu called the police because I saw your mother here. 1479 01:08:43,000 --> 01:08:44,120 Lulu? 1480 01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:45,280 PHONE RINGS 1481 01:08:45,280 --> 01:08:47,000 Nick? 1482 01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:48,280 What? 1483 01:08:48,280 --> 01:08:49,720 Oh, uh... 1484 01:08:49,720 --> 01:08:52,120 Hang on. Can you look after Lola? 1485 01:08:52,120 --> 01:08:55,040 Of course. I won't be long, I promise. 1486 01:09:00,320 --> 01:09:01,800 Nick, I found Lola. 1487 01:09:01,800 --> 01:09:04,600 I found your mother. I don't care about my mother. 1488 01:09:04,600 --> 01:09:05,720 Yes, you do. Drive! 1489 01:09:07,520 --> 01:09:08,920 Allez. 1490 01:09:08,920 --> 01:09:10,120 Go. Please. 1491 01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:22,320 I don't normally like the stuff you get in hotel lobbies, 1492 01:09:22,320 --> 01:09:23,480 but this is quite nice. 1493 01:09:23,480 --> 01:09:24,600 It's fabulous. 1494 01:09:27,160 --> 01:09:29,240 Oh, I could get used to this, darling. 1495 01:09:29,240 --> 01:09:31,000 I am used to it. 1496 01:09:32,200 --> 01:09:33,440 Where's the wife? 1497 01:09:33,440 --> 01:09:35,880 She's coming down in the funicular. She'll be hours. 1498 01:09:37,400 --> 01:09:39,000 I tell you something, Eddy. 1499 01:09:39,000 --> 01:09:41,520 Little Kate Moss, thank you. Thank you! 1500 01:09:43,080 --> 01:09:44,960 Oh. I mean, darling... 1501 01:09:44,960 --> 01:09:47,960 this could be the first day of the start of the whole days 1502 01:09:47,960 --> 01:09:50,400 of the rest of our lives, couldn't it, really? Yep. 1503 01:09:50,400 --> 01:09:53,200 Thanks to Lubey. Yeah, thanks to Lubey. 1504 01:09:54,240 --> 01:09:56,920 Are you growing attached to Lubey, darling? 1505 01:09:56,920 --> 01:09:59,200 We are just waiting for her to change her will and die. 1506 01:09:59,200 --> 01:10:02,000 Oh, Eddy. I mean, has she changed her will yet? 1507 01:10:02,000 --> 01:10:05,400 All in good time, Eds, all in good time. 1508 01:10:06,800 --> 01:10:09,160 Oh, I say. Hello. 1509 01:10:09,160 --> 01:10:10,760 SHE CHUCKLES 1510 01:10:14,840 --> 01:10:17,040 I'll just go and check that out. 1511 01:10:17,040 --> 01:10:18,520 PHONE RINGS 1512 01:10:20,160 --> 01:10:23,360 Saffy, listen. I'm not coming home, so stop phoning me! 1513 01:10:23,360 --> 01:10:26,880 I've got the rest of my life to live and I'm going to bloody live it. 1514 01:10:26,880 --> 01:10:30,560 I'm done with all of you, so forget me. 1515 01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:32,640 Just forget me. 1516 01:10:32,640 --> 01:10:34,440 # I'm walking down the road 1517 01:10:34,440 --> 01:10:36,720 # Looking at trees 1518 01:10:36,720 --> 01:10:39,240 # All the people going by 1519 01:10:39,240 --> 01:10:43,040 # They say, "How do you look so good today, Eddy?" 1520 01:10:43,040 --> 01:10:45,880 # I say, "I don't know. I don't know..." # 1521 01:10:51,520 --> 01:10:54,200 Et voila, monsieur. So... 1522 01:10:54,200 --> 01:10:56,160 have you been working here long? 1523 01:10:57,880 --> 01:10:59,360 You look pretty... 1524 01:10:59,360 --> 01:11:01,400 Oh, the moustache. 1525 01:11:01,400 --> 01:11:03,720 You're pretty gorgeous, too. 1526 01:11:03,720 --> 01:11:07,120 NEWSREADER: La gendarmerie nationale et la police collaboration 1527 01:11:07,120 --> 01:11:08,360 a cherche Edina Monsoon 1528 01:11:08,360 --> 01:11:11,520 suite a la disparition du top modele international Kate Moss. 1529 01:11:15,960 --> 01:11:18,200 Eddy, Eddy! Eddy! 1530 01:11:18,200 --> 01:11:19,760 Eddy! What, darling? 1531 01:11:19,760 --> 01:11:22,040 The pigs, the fuzz... Your face! 1532 01:11:22,040 --> 01:11:24,920 We've got to leave. The pigs, the fuzz, your face! 1533 01:11:24,920 --> 01:11:26,360 The pigs, the pigs! 1534 01:11:26,360 --> 01:11:27,520 Quick! 1535 01:11:27,520 --> 01:11:29,840 Come on, Eddy, we've got to get out of here. 1536 01:11:29,840 --> 01:11:32,240 Cover your face. Just hide, hide. 1537 01:11:43,120 --> 01:11:44,840 Excusez-moi. 1538 01:11:44,840 --> 01:11:46,000 Hello. 1539 01:11:46,000 --> 01:11:47,360 Excusez-moi, madame? 1540 01:11:47,360 --> 01:11:48,880 I say! 1541 01:11:48,880 --> 01:11:50,240 Excusez-moi, madame? 1542 01:11:50,240 --> 01:11:51,720 Can I help you? 1543 01:11:53,000 --> 01:11:54,480 CHARLIE GASPS 1544 01:12:03,160 --> 01:12:04,800 EDINA GROANS 1545 01:12:07,560 --> 01:12:10,080 Quick, quick, quick, darling! Get in! 1546 01:12:17,080 --> 01:12:18,480 Allez, allez! 1547 01:12:18,480 --> 01:12:19,680 I am allez-ing. 1548 01:12:22,480 --> 01:12:24,160 SIREN WAILS 1549 01:12:24,160 --> 01:12:26,000 Go left, go left! 1550 01:12:30,480 --> 01:12:31,840 Keep going, Eddy! 1551 01:12:35,360 --> 01:12:36,560 Go left! 1552 01:12:36,560 --> 01:12:38,320 At the end, go left. 1553 01:12:41,880 --> 01:12:43,520 YELLING IN FRENCH 1554 01:12:49,120 --> 01:12:50,840 Left here. We've been left! 1555 01:12:52,560 --> 01:12:54,160 What's that pedal? Press that pedal. 1556 01:12:55,520 --> 01:12:57,720 That pedal! That pedal there! 1557 01:12:57,720 --> 01:12:59,320 Oh. Oh. 1558 01:12:59,320 --> 01:13:02,040 No, not that pedal. Not that pedal. 1559 01:13:03,400 --> 01:13:04,480 Watch out! 1560 01:13:07,120 --> 01:13:08,520 Oh, God! Merci. 1561 01:13:16,600 --> 01:13:18,320 That was quite nice, actually. 1562 01:13:18,320 --> 01:13:20,560 Arretez! We've lost them, Eddy. 1563 01:13:20,560 --> 01:13:22,600 Shall I keep going? Yeah! We're not giving in! 1564 01:13:23,840 --> 01:13:25,360 Watch out! 1565 01:13:25,360 --> 01:13:27,440 Bloody bicyclettes! 1566 01:13:28,680 --> 01:13:31,240 We're not going back. We're not going back. 1567 01:13:34,360 --> 01:13:36,080 Brake, Eddy! 1568 01:13:39,680 --> 01:13:41,720 Oh, God! Whoa! 1569 01:13:44,640 --> 01:13:46,040 THEY SCREAM 1570 01:13:47,400 --> 01:13:48,960 I mean, she could be anywhere. 1571 01:13:57,400 --> 01:13:59,480 Bubble, you're alive! 1572 01:13:59,480 --> 01:14:02,640 Welcome to my humble abode. 1573 01:14:02,640 --> 01:14:05,080 Lulu? What are you doing here? 1574 01:14:05,080 --> 01:14:06,920 I want to see you pay. 1575 01:14:06,920 --> 01:14:09,560 Mum! Saff. Oh, shit. 1576 01:14:09,560 --> 01:14:11,000 Get out! 1577 01:14:11,000 --> 01:14:12,520 No, no. 1578 01:14:12,520 --> 01:14:13,640 Don't be ridiculous. 1579 01:14:13,640 --> 01:14:15,600 Nick's come to take you back for the hearing. 1580 01:14:15,600 --> 01:14:17,080 Eddy? 1581 01:14:17,080 --> 01:14:19,160 No, we're not going back, darling. 1582 01:14:19,160 --> 01:14:21,040 Mum, get out of the water! 1583 01:14:21,040 --> 01:14:22,560 CREAKING 1584 01:14:24,120 --> 01:14:25,880 Eddy, we're sinking. 1585 01:14:25,880 --> 01:14:28,080 Do get out of the pool, Mrs Monsoon. 1586 01:14:28,080 --> 01:14:31,880 I would rather die, darling, than go back to all those hating faces! 1587 01:14:32,960 --> 01:14:35,400 I mean, look at me, darling. 1588 01:14:35,400 --> 01:14:39,280 All I've ever wanted was not to be fat... 1589 01:14:39,280 --> 01:14:40,920 and old. 1590 01:14:40,920 --> 01:14:44,320 You know, darling. To just keep the party going. 1591 01:14:44,320 --> 01:14:46,800 Now here I am. 1592 01:14:46,800 --> 01:14:50,640 Just fat and old and hated... 1593 01:14:50,640 --> 01:14:52,640 and nothing. 1594 01:14:52,640 --> 01:14:54,040 Right. I'm getting in. 1595 01:14:54,040 --> 01:14:57,720 Darling, I know you think I don't know who I am... 1596 01:14:57,720 --> 01:15:00,400 ..and what I've done... 1597 01:15:00,400 --> 01:15:02,680 But I do, darling, I do. 1598 01:15:04,240 --> 01:15:06,560 I'm disgusting. 1599 01:15:06,560 --> 01:15:10,200 Always wanting everything, always taking more. 1600 01:15:10,200 --> 01:15:12,240 Wearing stupid... 1601 01:15:12,240 --> 01:15:14,400 ridiculous, small, small, small, 1602 01:15:14,400 --> 01:15:17,120 stylish, stupid, ridiculous clothing! 1603 01:15:17,120 --> 01:15:19,120 You think it's hard living with me? 1604 01:15:19,120 --> 01:15:21,120 You should try being at this end, darling. 1605 01:15:22,440 --> 01:15:24,200 And it is all about me, isn't it? 1606 01:15:24,200 --> 01:15:25,680 It has been all about me. 1607 01:15:25,680 --> 01:15:26,920 And me, Eds. 1608 01:15:32,720 --> 01:15:34,240 Darling... 1609 01:15:34,240 --> 01:15:37,320 I've never given you the love that you deserve. 1610 01:15:40,200 --> 01:15:42,560 Before I go... 1611 01:15:42,560 --> 01:15:44,640 I want you to know that I love you. 1612 01:15:47,640 --> 01:15:49,800 I love you, Mum. 1613 01:15:49,800 --> 01:15:51,800 And Lola, sweetheart. 1614 01:15:51,800 --> 01:15:53,120 And Pats. 1615 01:15:53,120 --> 01:15:54,560 SHE SOBS 1616 01:15:56,320 --> 01:15:57,880 It's all right. 1617 01:15:59,040 --> 01:16:01,040 You can let me go, darling. 1618 01:16:03,040 --> 01:16:07,880 Let me go. I'm going to join Kate in the watery grave. Let me go. 1619 01:16:08,960 --> 01:16:10,800 Kate's not dead. 1620 01:16:10,800 --> 01:16:12,760 What? What? What? 1621 01:16:12,760 --> 01:16:14,280 She lives! 1622 01:16:18,040 --> 01:16:19,280 Kate! 1623 01:16:19,280 --> 01:16:21,680 Jean Paul. Where's the party? 1624 01:16:21,680 --> 01:16:24,040 The party is wherever you are, Kate! 1625 01:16:24,040 --> 01:16:25,320 I lost everyone. 1626 01:16:25,320 --> 01:16:28,600 Sometimes it's good to have lost some people. 1627 01:16:28,600 --> 01:16:30,960 You stay with me. We make another little party. 1628 01:16:32,160 --> 01:16:35,960 You stupid, bloody, bollocking idiot! 1629 01:16:35,960 --> 01:16:38,280 Why didn't you say that before? 1630 01:16:38,280 --> 01:16:41,680 I just humiliated myself! 1631 01:16:41,680 --> 01:16:43,720 CROWDS CHEER 1632 01:16:56,720 --> 01:16:58,240 Hi, Kate, darling. 1633 01:16:58,240 --> 01:17:00,520 No, I'm working from Nobu this week. 1634 01:17:00,520 --> 01:17:03,360 The world is at your feet and I can make them stay there. 1635 01:17:03,360 --> 01:17:04,800 Game-changing reinvention... 1636 01:17:04,800 --> 01:17:07,120 You are the new face of Louis Vuitton menswear. 1637 01:17:07,120 --> 01:17:08,600 I know! 1638 01:17:08,600 --> 01:17:10,960 No, I've done a big dump. I only represent you now. 1639 01:17:10,960 --> 01:17:12,880 Got rid of Emma Bunton and Lulu. 1640 01:17:12,880 --> 01:17:15,720 I'm gonna be a big cheese in the Big Apple. 1641 01:17:15,720 --> 01:17:18,280 I am a big cheese! Thank you, darling! 1642 01:17:18,280 --> 01:17:20,040 SHE LAUGHS 1643 01:17:22,960 --> 01:17:25,640 We are living the dream, darling. We are, darling. 1644 01:17:28,560 --> 01:17:31,600 Here I am, Edina Monsoon, on my way to... 1645 01:17:31,600 --> 01:17:33,200 my book launch. Yeah. 1646 01:17:36,760 --> 01:17:38,720 Oh, I lost my pelvic floor on takeoff. 1647 01:17:39,640 --> 01:17:41,920 Don't worry, Eddy. We'll pick it up on the way back. 1648 01:17:41,920 --> 01:17:45,120 Fashion icon Kate Moss has been found safe and well 1649 01:17:45,120 --> 01:17:48,760 five days after falling from a balcony into the river. 1650 01:17:48,760 --> 01:17:51,400 It's been reported she had been resting at the home 1651 01:17:51,400 --> 01:17:53,040 of her new PR, Edina Mon... 1652 01:17:53,040 --> 01:17:54,200 TV SWITCHES OFF 1653 01:17:54,200 --> 01:17:56,440 Why is Kate Moss still here? 1654 01:17:56,440 --> 01:17:58,320 Mum's doing her PR now. 1655 01:17:58,320 --> 01:18:01,840 Apparently, she's never been so in demand since she went missing. 1656 01:18:01,840 --> 01:18:05,920 So, darling, the plan is we throw a huge party in Hyde Park. 1657 01:18:05,920 --> 01:18:09,520 Like a "Welcome Back, Kate" party. Yeah. 1658 01:18:09,520 --> 01:18:11,960 And darling, we should get Bollinger 1659 01:18:11,960 --> 01:18:14,520 to give us a whole vintage. A whole vintage, darling. 1660 01:18:14,520 --> 01:18:16,720 Eddy, you'll want to wear couture. 1661 01:18:16,720 --> 01:18:19,120 Yeah, yeah. No Stella. 1662 01:18:19,120 --> 01:18:23,800 And am I still sending all the bills to Baroness Lublubliana... 1663 01:18:23,800 --> 01:18:25,920 Rothschild Von Thy... 1664 01:18:25,920 --> 01:18:28,680 What? Mum, no! You can't do that. 1665 01:18:28,680 --> 01:18:30,600 No, Eddy, no, no, no. 1666 01:18:30,600 --> 01:18:33,080 Think of our life, our dream! 1667 01:18:33,080 --> 01:18:36,760 You can't let this repellent little shrew take it away from us. 1668 01:18:36,760 --> 01:18:38,480 Every time our life hits a good patch, 1669 01:18:38,480 --> 01:18:41,440 this miserable piece of flesh has to ruin it. 1670 01:18:41,440 --> 01:18:43,960 If you don't tell her, I will! 1671 01:18:43,960 --> 01:18:46,880 Oh, you little bitch troll from hell. 1672 01:18:48,160 --> 01:18:50,080 No! 1673 01:19:05,560 --> 01:19:07,720 Lubey, I have something to tell you. 1674 01:19:08,880 --> 01:19:10,520 I'm not a man. 1675 01:19:10,520 --> 01:19:12,280 I know. 1676 01:19:12,280 --> 01:19:14,400 And I'm not a woman. 1677 01:19:24,640 --> 01:19:27,320 Well, you don't mind sleeping with him/her? 1678 01:19:28,200 --> 01:19:31,040 Does it mean you don't need the strap-on? I don't know. 1679 01:19:31,040 --> 01:19:34,600 MUSIC: This Wheel's on Fire performed by Kylie Minogue 1680 01:19:34,600 --> 01:19:37,480 # Wheel's on fire 1681 01:19:37,480 --> 01:19:42,840 # Rolling down the road 1682 01:19:42,840 --> 01:19:47,400 # Best notify my next of kin 1683 01:19:47,400 --> 01:19:53,040 # This wheel shall explode! 1684 01:19:53,040 --> 01:19:57,240 # If your memory serves you well 1685 01:19:57,240 --> 01:20:00,720 # I was going to confiscate my lace 1686 01:20:00,720 --> 01:20:05,160 # And wrap it up in a sailor's knot 1687 01:20:05,160 --> 01:20:08,720 # And hide it in your case 1688 01:20:08,720 --> 01:20:12,920 # If I knew for sure that it was yours 1689 01:20:12,920 --> 01:20:17,080 # But it was oh, so hard to tell 1690 01:20:17,080 --> 01:20:20,880 # But you knew that we would meet again 1691 01:20:20,880 --> 01:20:23,520 # If your memory served you well 1692 01:20:25,880 --> 01:20:28,960 # Wheel's on fire 1693 01:20:28,960 --> 01:20:34,600 # Rolling down the road 1694 01:20:34,600 --> 01:20:38,840 # Best notify my next of kin 1695 01:20:38,840 --> 01:20:44,280 # This wheel shall explode! 1696 01:20:44,280 --> 01:20:48,920 # If your memory serves you well 1697 01:20:48,920 --> 01:20:52,480 # You'll remember you're the one 1698 01:20:52,480 --> 01:20:56,800 # That called on me to call on them 1699 01:20:56,800 --> 01:20:59,480 # To get you your favours done 1700 01:21:00,720 --> 01:21:03,480 # And after every plan had failed 1701 01:21:04,440 --> 01:21:07,520 # And there was nothing more to tell 1702 01:21:08,560 --> 01:21:12,400 # You knew that we would meet again 1703 01:21:12,400 --> 01:21:15,320 # If your memory served you well 1704 01:21:17,800 --> 01:21:20,800 # Wheel's on fire 1705 01:21:20,800 --> 01:21:26,280 # Rolling down the road 1706 01:21:26,280 --> 01:21:30,560 # Best notify my next of kin 1707 01:21:30,560 --> 01:21:36,440 # This wheel shall explode! # 1708 01:22:36,600 --> 01:22:43,160 MUSIC: Where Do You Go To My Lovely? by Peter Sarstedt 1709 01:22:48,840 --> 01:22:52,240 # You talk like Marlene Dietrich 1710 01:22:52,240 --> 01:22:56,120 # And you dance like Zizi Jeanmaire 1711 01:22:56,120 --> 01:22:59,960 # Your clothes are all made by Balmain 1712 01:22:59,960 --> 01:23:03,160 # And there's diamonds and pearls in your hair 1713 01:23:03,160 --> 01:23:04,360 # Yes, there are 1714 01:23:06,000 --> 01:23:09,960 # You live in a fancy apartment 1715 01:23:09,960 --> 01:23:12,840 # Off the Boulevard Saint-Michel 1716 01:23:13,880 --> 01:23:17,880 # Where you keep your Rolling Stones records 1717 01:23:17,880 --> 01:23:20,760 # And your friend of Sacha Distel 1718 01:23:20,760 --> 01:23:22,000 # Yes, you do 1719 01:23:23,600 --> 01:23:27,080 # Oh, but where do you go to, my lovely 1720 01:23:28,120 --> 01:23:30,680 # When you're alone in your bed? 1721 01:23:32,000 --> 01:23:35,920 # I know the thoughts that surround you 1722 01:23:35,920 --> 01:23:41,400 # Cos I can look inside your head. # 1723 01:24:02,720 --> 01:24:05,760 People should go back to watching videos of kittens. 1724 01:24:05,760 --> 01:24:07,160 Now bugger off.