1
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:02,045
KEITH: So thanks very much
for having me in and here's my pitch.
2
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:06,049
Um, this is a movie I've had in my
head for a long time. It's a comedy.
3
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,384
Hopefully. (LAUGHING)
4
00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:08,585
Anyway...
5
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:12,389
Let's say Jack Nicholson decided
6
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,475
that he wanted to know
what people truly thought of him.
7
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:17,060
Whether his life had
actually amounted to anything.
8
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:20,935
So he fakes his death
and stages his own funeral.
9
00:01:21,957 --> 00:01:25,152
I just think the possibilities
are pretty hilarious.
10
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:30,407
Ultimately, amid all the cliché eulogies
11
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,659
and insincere expressions of grief,
12
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:36,363
he discovers one grandson
who truly misses him.
13
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,078
It could be very heartwarming.
14
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:42,206
I don't get this.
15
00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:45,460
Just like I didn't get it when
you pitched it to me six months ago.
16
00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,216
I did? Where was that?
17
00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:49,589
At the Red Sunset premiere.
18
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,337
Glad I left such an
impression that night.
19
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,848
Oh, right, sorry, yeah, yeah.
I knew I knew you.
20
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,350
Sorry. Yes! Yes!
21
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,770
Yeah, you were between jobs
and looking for a development position.
22
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,188
So, bravo!
23
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,981
(STUTTERING) No, that was a great night.
24
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,611
Oh, of course, there's no reason
why it couldn't be a woman.
25
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,984
You know, everyone loves Betty White.
26
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:11,782
Keith, we love you.
27
00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,074
We're huge fans.
28
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:16,828
This is the studio that made
your Paradise Misplaced 15 years ago,
29
00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:19,907
- when Jenny over here was just an embryo.
- (ALL LAUGH)
30
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:23,827
It's a fun idea, it's just not for us.
31
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:30,717
We're looking more for edgy comedies
with a kick-ass-type woman.
32
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,921
Now if you have something like that,
we'd love to hear it.
33
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,788
You are a fantastic agent
as you have frequently told me.
34
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:03,125
I just wanted to ask, do you think
you could possibly find me just, uh...
35
00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:05,498
Just one job, you know? Just any job.
36
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:06,999
OK.
37
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:08,755
There is something.
38
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,173
You have to hear me out.
39
00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:11,716
KEITH: If it pays, I'll take it.
40
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:16,263
My brother-in-law is a chem professor at
Binghamton University in upstate New York,
41
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,682
and they're looking for a writer
in residence this semester,
42
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:21,635
cos the one they had died,
so I thought of you.
43
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:25,522
You thought of me for a teaching job?
44
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:28,025
ELLEN: Look, you're going
to teach a screenwriting class.
45
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,569
You're going to take some time
to figure out your life
46
00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:31,737
and write something great.
47
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:34,823
And they're going to give you a car,
a house, a salary.
48
00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:36,575
Yeah, a pitiful one I don't doubt.
49
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,368
Well, it's a lot more
than you're making now.
50
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:41,371
Yeah, but I can't teach
and I hate teachers, you know.
51
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,915
They're frustrated losers who haven't
done anything with their own lives
52
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:45,412
so they want to instruct other people.
53
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:49,789
Oh, forget it, I will just
write my script on spec and...
54
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,670
(RINGING)
55
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,293
Keith?
56
00:03:57,487 --> 00:04:01,592
KEITH: OK. Where exactly is Binghamton?
57
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:10,942
KEITH: The city of Binghamton
is 2,754 miles from Los Angeles
58
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:14,316
and 172 miles northwest
of New York City.
59
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,861
IBM was founded there.
60
00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:22,037
Sir, is this your bag?
61
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:23,997
- Yeah.
- Well, we have to check it.
62
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,323
OK.
63
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:29,495
KEITH: Rod Serling, creator of Twilight Zone
grew up and was raised there.
64
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:33,127
I admit there's a somewhat
ominous quality to that factoid.
65
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:38,470
What is this?
66
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:42,091
- Uh...
- "Best Original Screenplay."
67
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:45,519
Dude, you wrote Paradise Misplaced?
68
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,104
I did. Yeah, yeah.
69
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:48,939
That's such a great flick.
70
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,982
- Thank you. Thanks very much.
- (EXCLAIMS HAPPILY)
71
00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:53,731
Yo, Kevin, Ali, come here.
72
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,447
This is Keith Michaels.
He wrote Paradise Misplaced.
73
00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:58,824
- You wrote that?
- Yeah, yeah.
74
00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:00,200
A long time ago but I did, yeah.
75
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,618
Oh, I love that movie, man.
76
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,912
- My kids love that movie.
- Thank you, thank you, I appreciate it.
77
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:05,789
- Nice to meet you.
- Uh, nice to meet you, too.
78
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:06,915
Wow, look at this.
79
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:09,292
I could have brought a bomb on board
and no one would have minded.
80
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:10,835
Don't say that. That's not good.
81
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:14,464
Oh, you're so right.
82
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:15,882
I'm sorry. I apologise.
83
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,208
I used to know what was funny.
84
00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:19,590
Thank you. Thank you.
85
00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:26,810
KEITH: Binghamton is also
the birthplace of the Spiedie,
86
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:30,105
a sandwich consisting of cubes
of marinated beef, chicken, or pork
87
00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:32,023
grilled over a charcoal pit.
88
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:42,534
Binghamton is amongst the top 10
most cloudy and rainy American cities.
89
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:48,032
On the plus side, it is considered
"the carousel capital of the world".
90
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:53,454
It has never been the
site of a major riot.
91
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:58,459
And from what I can tell so far,
it is the absolute end of civilisation.
92
00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:02,012
It's impossible to know what
anyone could have to teach here
93
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:03,714
except "get out".
94
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:34,847
Can I help you with something?
95
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:38,400
Oh, sorry. I'm just a bit jet-lagged.
96
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,860
I just flew in from LA.
97
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,903
- You came here from LA?
- Yeah. Yeah.
98
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:44,197
I have come to teach at the college.
99
00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:47,033
- What are you teaching?
- Writing. Screenwriting.
100
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,368
You're Keith Michaels?
101
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,162
- I submitted a screenplay for that class.
- Ah.
102
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:52,455
He wrote Paradise Misplaced.
103
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:54,332
JUDY: Are you kidding me?
104
00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:55,625
Come sit with us.
105
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,210
No, I don't want to impose...
106
00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,004
Dude, you have to. It's only
my favourite movie of all time.
107
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,841
Uh, OK, I will... I will obey.
108
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,134
(WOMEN CHUCKLING)
109
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,381
Thank you.
110
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:08,638
(KEITH SIGHS)
111
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:10,807
I'm Karen. This is Judy and Chloe.
112
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:13,268
Right. What are you
all majoring in then?
113
00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:14,769
- I'm pre-med.
- Really?
114
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:17,314
And where do you
stand on full body scans?
115
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:21,067
Would you say helpful or would you say
cancer-causing cash conduits?
116
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,361
- Well, I mean...
- Nice alliteration.
117
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,487
I'm an English major.
118
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,564
I thought I recognised
a fellow sufferer.
119
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:30,368
And Chloe is majoring in, uh...
120
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:31,865
(LAUGHING)
121
00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:35,498
Telepathy?
122
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,292
I can't believe you wrote that movie.
123
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:39,169
That's absolutely, truly cool.
124
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:40,791
Nice assonance.
125
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:44,883
- Assonance is the repetition of vowel sounds.
- Vowel sounds.
126
00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,424
Look at me. Teaching already.
127
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:51,264
I really want to take your course.
128
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,886
Well, that's good news.
I thought maybe no one would.
129
00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,392
Fantastic.
130
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:01,942
(DOG BARKING)
131
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,564
(MOBILE ALARM BEEPING)
132
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:11,989
(GROANS)
133
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:41,314
- (BARKING)
- Henry, no. Sorry.
134
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,437
Henry's not used to seeing people
in the house.
135
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:45,648
I'm Jim.
136
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,025
(WHISPERING) Hi, Jim.
137
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:49,443
Henry.
138
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:54,778
I've got to get ready for work.
139
00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:57,121
Right. No problem.
140
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,042
Hey.
141
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,383
Ah. Good morning.
142
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:15,765
Uh, I unfortunately have to go.
143
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,183
I'm supposed to meet
the head of the department.
144
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,135
Dr Lerner. I had him for Chaucer.
145
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:22,814
- When you say you "had him" for Chaucer...
- (LAUGHS)
146
00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:25,312
- This was really fun.
- Yeah.
147
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,435
- See you later.
- Yeah.
148
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:32,322
I like being a teacher.
149
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,466
Harold Lerner. How was your trip?
150
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:50,925
It was nice. Thank you.
151
00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:53,303
We could have had somebody
meet you at the airport.
152
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:56,389
I'm sure one of our nerdier English majors
would have been happy to do that.
153
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,599
Oh, no, no, that's fine.
154
00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:59,434
Although I have actually met
some of the students,
155
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:01,603
and they're extremely generous
with their time.
156
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:04,022
Oh, sure, yeah, they're friendly.
Most of them are high.
157
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,860
US Marine Corps.
I, uh... I like to follow the rules.
158
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,488
Well, Writers Guild of America.
I feel exactly the same.
159
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:12,781
Ah, excellent.
160
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:15,033
Uh, let me grab something
and I'll show you to your new digs.
161
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,325
Yeah, yeah.
162
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:19,654
(WOMAN MOANING)
163
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,035
Good use of their parents'
tuition money.
164
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,668
Well, here's your new home
away from home.
165
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:37,639
- Uh, that's lovely. Yeah, thank you.
- Mmm-hmm.
166
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:42,936
Oh, there's a little faculty get-together
at 5:00 tonight in the Susquehanna Lounge.
167
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,480
Give you a chance to meet
the rest of the department.
168
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:46,981
Good. Great.
169
00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:49,692
- All right. Give me a call if you need anything.
- Yep, yep, yep.
170
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:53,522
Thank you. Oh, Dr Lerner,
you forgot your box.
171
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:55,532
Oh, I'm sorry, no. That's yours.
172
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:58,952
That's the 30-page screenplays
submitted by all the students
173
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,529
who wanna take your course.
174
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,205
About 70 of them.
175
00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:03,706
And you teach day after tomorrow,
176
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:06,084
so we're going to need
your selections right away.
177
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:07,752
You only have to pick 10.
178
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,045
We would have let you know sooner,
179
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:12,374
but we didn't know you were
taking the job until a couple days ago.
180
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,050
OK.
181
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,672
- Happy reading.
- Yeah.
182
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,126
(CONVERSING INDISTINCTLY)
183
00:12:57,443 --> 00:13:00,138
Mr Michaels! Mr Michaels!
184
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,555
Hi.
185
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,141
Hi.
186
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:05,768
Oh, I'm glad I caught you
before the faculty reception.
187
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,140
I'm Holly Carpenter.
188
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,565
Uh... Hello. Hello.
And what do you teach, Holly?
189
00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:14,944
What, teach? No, I don't teach.
I learn. I'm a sophomore.
190
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,821
- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.
191
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:20,283
Oh, you are? That's great. That's good.
It's wonderful going back to school at your...
192
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:21,618
- Height?
- Yes, exactly.
193
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,036
I thought that's what you meant.
194
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,787
It was, it was. We're very simpatico.
195
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,706
Uh, Holly, listen,
I'm a little late for this thing.
196
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,125
Am I going the right way
to the Susquehanna Lounge?
197
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:30,710
Uh, yes, it's straight ahead.
198
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,128
OK, great. Thank you.
199
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,751
I'm actually a psych major.
200
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,716
- And, um...
- Uh-huh.
201
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,301
We have a lit requirement,
202
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:43,139
and I've written short stories
and I've written poems. I love writing.
203
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,390
I have an idea for a screenplay,
204
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:47,268
I know the class submission deadline
was yesterday...
205
00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:51,481
But I stayed up last night and wrote this
and I hope that you would still consider me.
206
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:53,183
Uh, thank you. Thank you.
207
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:56,027
Oh, I've got to tell you,
I love Paradise Misplaced.
208
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:57,695
I still watch it with my girls.
209
00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:59,943
Oh, your girls? Are you a lesbian?
210
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:03,326
(CHUCKLES) I wish. No, my daughters.
211
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:04,494
Of course. Well, of course.
212
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,247
Well, I hope you watch a DVD
and not one of those illegal web sites.
213
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,749
Oh, I didn't know that was an option.
I'll have to check that out.
214
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:14,295
Ah, a criminal. Now I will read this
with genuine interest. (CHUCKLES)
215
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,506
OK, thank you. Thank you.
216
00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:17,878
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
217
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,670
- I hope you like it.
- Oh, yeah.
218
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,551
(♪ CLASSICAL ON SPEAKER)
219
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:34,065
Mmm. Thank you very much.
220
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:36,734
- That is quite... Thank you. Yeah.
- You're welcome.
221
00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:44,867
(CLEARS THROAT) Uh, hi, Jim Harper.
222
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:47,821
My dog, Henry IV, and I were peering
in your window this morning.
223
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:50,373
Yes, wow. That was, that was...
That was unusual.
224
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:53,042
- Yeah. Henry kind of walks me.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
225
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:55,169
Listen, I love your movie.
226
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,421
Oh, thank you very much, thank you.
227
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:59,048
I've actually written three,
and a co-writing credit on another.
228
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:02,719
Oh, wow, I didn't know that. That's terrific.
Jeez, I wish I could do what you do.
229
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:06,055
Oh, so do I. And what do you do, Jim?
230
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,390
I teach Shakespeare.
231
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:10,393
Excuse me. Keith, I'd like you to meet
some of our other English faculty.
232
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,645
This is Ron Jenson, Medieval Literature.
233
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,064
Pleasure. I really love your movie.
234
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,732
Oh, thanks, the movies...
235
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:20,153
Paul Prentiss, American Lit.
Great to have you here.
236
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:21,237
Great, thanks a lot.
237
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:24,782
- Hi, Naomi Watkins, African Literature.
- Nice to meet you, Naomi. I'm Keith.
238
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:27,952
Clara Foss, fellow writer, resident poet.
Welcome aboard.
239
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:30,246
Well, that didn't rhyme at all.
I doubt your credentials.
240
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:31,618
(ALL LAUGHING)
241
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:35,289
And this is Professor Mary Weldon.
242
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:38,880
Professor Weldon holds the Bainbridge Chair
in Comparative Literature
243
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:41,382
and she's about to publish
what will prove to be
244
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,509
the definitive work on Jane Austen.
245
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,131
Oh, I'm so sorry. (CHUCKLES)
246
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:46,929
You don't like Jane Austen?
247
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:48,389
No, no, she's obviously brilliant.
248
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:51,726
It's just I find it all
a bit trivial, you know?
249
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:54,354
Really? That's fascinating. How so?
250
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,523
Well, isn't it all, you know,
"Who's going to the ball tonight?
251
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:59,817
"My corset is askew.
However will I curtsey?"
252
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:01,018
(ALL LAUGHING)
253
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,279
I'd also like you to meet...
254
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,406
In other words, why should
a 21st century man care
255
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:07,658
about the obstacles facing
a 19th century woman?
256
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:10,745
No, that makes me sound like a misogynist.
I love and respect women.
257
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,121
As long as they're not writing.
258
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:14,995
On the contrary, there are
myriad women writers I adore.
259
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,873
- Can you name one?
- Elaine May.
260
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:20,171
I'm not familiar with her work.
261
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:24,547
Oh, she wrote A New Leaf, The Birdcage,
she did an uncredited rewrite on Tootsie.
262
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,388
- Movies?
- Mmm-hmm.
263
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,681
We're talking about literature.
264
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:33,810
And while you may not think much
of the women writers of that period,
265
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:36,020
Austen, Woolf, and the Bronte sisters
were artists
266
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,065
who represented
the female empowerment of their age.
267
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,441
Oh, well, forgive me,
268
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,985
but I'm just a little bit tired
of "female empowerment."
269
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:45,279
Whoa! Battle stations.
270
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,324
Dr Lerner, you must
have an opinion on this?
271
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:51,994
(LAUGHS) I have a wife and
four daughters. I have no opinions.
272
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,997
What exactly is
your opinion, Mr Michaels?
273
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,708
- Another glass?
- Thank you so much, that's nice.
274
00:16:57,808 --> 00:17:01,587
It's just, honestly, everything seems to be
about female empowerment nowadays.
275
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,965
You know, any meeting I go
to in Hollywood, someone says,
276
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:06,926
"You know what we need? A kick-ass girl.
That would be a great twist."
277
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,845
Except every movie has a kick-ass girl.
278
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,931
You know, some martial-arts,
CGI, slow-motion woman
279
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,642
who kicks the crap out of
every man in her path.
280
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:17,645
Can I tell you what would be
truly innovative?
281
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,772
A movie without a kick-ass girl.
282
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:23,272
Or, better yet, a movie where
a woman gets her ass kicked.
283
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,241
Perhaps you'd like to kick mine.
284
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:33,532
No, don't be silly.
I didn't mean literally.
285
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,614
Besides, not much of a target there.
(LAUGHS)
286
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,750
- Which I mean in a very nice way...
- (GASPS)
287
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,293
Cos you are in great shape.
288
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:43,045
You're... You're svelte.
289
00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:44,213
Uh, this... Uh...
290
00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:46,381
I'm sure you'd like to meet, uh...
291
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,251
Somebody.
292
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:03,107
JIM:
Hey. So this worked out great, right?
293
00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:05,693
Two of us living right
next door to each other.
294
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,612
- KEITH: Yeah.
- I'll give you a lift in tomorrow.
295
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:08,696
Oh, thank you, Jim.
296
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:11,407
You know, you're a lovely man
with an unusual dog...
297
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,326
But I don't think I can do this.
298
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:16,200
I actually miss LA,
and I didn't think that was possible.
299
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:19,290
"O thou invisible spirit of wine,
300
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:22,334
"if thou hast no name to be
known by, let us call thee devil!"
301
00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:25,755
When I was younger,
302
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:28,299
I thought having the perfect
Shakespeare quote for any situation
303
00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:29,625
would make me beloved.
304
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,302
It's surprisingly unhelpful.
305
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:32,970
Yeah, it seems to really annoy people.
306
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:35,798
- (MOBILE RINGING)
- Sorry, hang on, hang on, hang on.
307
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:42,146
I'm going to have to take this.
I think I can find my house from here.
308
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,148
OK, sure, you go for it.
309
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,025
- Listen though...
- Hang on one second.
310
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:49,820
Give teaching a shot, OK?
It gets its hooks in you, you'll see.
311
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,239
With all respect, I don't believe
312
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,533
that anything worth knowing
can be taught in a classroom.
313
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:57,286
And I intend to do as little as possible
while carrying on with this charade.
314
00:18:57,386 --> 00:19:00,160
Yeah, if I gave it any thought,
I'd probably feel the same way.
315
00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:01,457
Yeah, hi.
316
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:04,001
Oh, hi. I'm stuck in traffic,
I thought I'd check in. How's it going?
317
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:07,129
I'm very, very, very,
very cold, and, uh,
318
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,131
I have to read a huge box of scripts,
319
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:12,843
and I just got into a fight with
Professor McGonagall about Jane Austen.
320
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:15,346
You know, it's interesting
that you should bring that up.
321
00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:17,265
You know what J.K. Rowling said?
322
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:19,308
"Where did I put
that last billion dollars?"
323
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,353
She said that failure was the best
thing that ever happened to her
324
00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:24,146
cos it freed her from the inessential.
325
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:28,234
It allowed her to concentrate on the
thing that mattered most. Writing.
326
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:31,487
Maybe the time has come for me to write
that sequel to Paradise Misplaced
327
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,781
that you've been hounding me
for all these years.
328
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:35,491
Hey, hey. I thought
you weren't interested.
329
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:38,160
You said the story was over,
and if I remember correctly,
330
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,538
continuing it would be creative suicide.
331
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:43,332
Yeah, well, that was when I was young
and believed in myself.
332
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,159
So now is the perfect time.
333
00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:29,917
"Flo Bai."
334
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:36,469
Hello, Flo. Congratulations
and welcome to the screenwriting class.
335
00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:40,719
"Dave Fenman."
336
00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:47,479
You're a good-looking guy, Dave.
Get your own screenwriting class.
337
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:10,624
Not even close.
338
00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:45,325
Hello. Good morning. I'm Keith Michaels.
339
00:21:46,847 --> 00:21:48,119
Oh, thank you.
340
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:50,167
Thanks very much. Thanks, yeah.
341
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:52,712
Thank you.
342
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,255
Well, now, um...
343
00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:57,466
Since it will be easier for me
to evaluate your material
344
00:21:57,566 --> 00:21:58,801
if I read an entire script,
345
00:21:58,901 --> 00:22:00,636
and you've all turned in 30 pages
346
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,763
and the average screenplay is 120,
347
00:22:02,863 --> 00:22:04,636
that leaves roughly 90 to go.
348
00:22:04,949 --> 00:22:07,977
So if you write three pages a day,
six days a week,
349
00:22:08,077 --> 00:22:09,478
you should all be done in about a month.
350
00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:10,679
Let's meet again then.
351
00:22:10,913 --> 00:22:13,015
Great. Looking forward to it.
352
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:28,831
Hey. That's the way all classes
should be. Five minutes.
353
00:22:28,931 --> 00:22:31,500
I had no intention of going that long,
I am so sorry.
354
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,669
(LAUGHS) So maybe later,
do you want to catch up...
355
00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:36,005
Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute?
356
00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:37,798
Ah. Holly.
357
00:22:38,107 --> 00:22:40,801
Oh, yes. I work at the Campus Bookstore.
358
00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:42,002
(KEITH LAUGHS)
359
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,723
Uh, so, Holly, this is Karen.
360
00:22:45,823 --> 00:22:48,184
- Yeah, we've taken some classes together.
- Hi.
361
00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:49,894
So you didn't accept my screenplay
362
00:22:49,994 --> 00:22:52,605
but I was wondering if you could give me
some constructive criticism.
363
00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:54,352
I thought that
I could come during office hours.
364
00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:55,649
Yes. Yes.
365
00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:58,443
- I'll see you later, Mr Michaels.
- Oh, Karen.
366
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:01,864
(SNAPPING FINGERS)
367
00:23:01,964 --> 00:23:03,199
Hi. I'm still here.
368
00:23:03,299 --> 00:23:04,784
Yes. Yes, you are.
369
00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:06,577
Well the thing is, Holly...
370
00:23:06,677 --> 00:23:10,831
I'm not entirely sure that I have anything
very helpful to say regarding your screenplay.
371
00:23:10,931 --> 00:23:12,958
- Oh. That bad, huh?
- No, not at all.
372
00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:15,669
It's just that I don't really believe
that writing can be taught.
373
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:18,631
Oh, interesting position
for a creative writing teacher to take.
374
00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:20,591
But true. You know,
you can't teach talent.
375
00:23:20,691 --> 00:23:22,051
I think most people have talent,
376
00:23:22,151 --> 00:23:23,761
they just haven't been exposed
to the right teachers.
377
00:23:23,861 --> 00:23:24,845
I beg to differ.
378
00:23:24,945 --> 00:23:26,722
You can get me the best music teacher
in the world
379
00:23:26,822 --> 00:23:28,808
and I still wouldn't be able to
write songs like Paul McCartney.
380
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:29,975
How do you know? Have you tried?
381
00:23:30,075 --> 00:23:31,060
No.
382
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:33,513
- Do you want to write songs?
- Not at all.
383
00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:35,014
What are we talking about?
384
00:23:36,081 --> 00:23:40,778
About the fact that the most idiotic
thing that anyone has ever said
385
00:23:40,878 --> 00:23:43,280
is that if you just put your mind to it
and believe in yourself,
386
00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:45,032
there is nothing you can't accomplish.
387
00:23:45,132 --> 00:23:49,245
(LAUGHING)
I say that! Does that make me an idiot?
388
00:23:49,345 --> 00:23:51,368
No, no, not you. Other people.
389
00:23:59,355 --> 00:24:01,674
How can I make my script better?
390
00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:03,926
Uh...
391
00:24:04,026 --> 00:24:06,970
Right, well, it could be more...
392
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:09,098
Um, organised.
393
00:24:09,198 --> 00:24:11,346
"More organised" how?
394
00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:14,352
- Uh, structurally.
- Structurally.
395
00:24:14,870 --> 00:24:16,017
Yep.
396
00:24:16,872 --> 00:24:18,565
Yeah. Structurally.
397
00:24:21,335 --> 00:24:23,445
Did you like that part
where she looks in the mirror
398
00:24:23,545 --> 00:24:25,114
and she sees herself as an old woman?
399
00:24:25,214 --> 00:24:27,575
Honestly, I found that
a little heavy-handed.
400
00:24:27,675 --> 00:24:30,578
(CLICKS TONGUE) So did I.
Which is why I didn't write it.
401
00:24:30,678 --> 00:24:32,955
You didn't read my screenplay, did you?
402
00:24:33,055 --> 00:24:36,083
No. But I didn't read anyone's screenplay,
don't take it personally.
403
00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:37,293
It's entirely personal.
404
00:24:37,393 --> 00:24:39,753
I worked on it and
I would like to tell this story.
405
00:24:39,853 --> 00:24:41,463
OK. You're in the class.
406
00:24:41,563 --> 00:24:44,086
No. I want you to read my script
and tell me if I have any potential.
407
00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:46,923
All right. I will read your screenplay.
408
00:24:47,194 --> 00:24:49,513
Thanks. I think.
409
00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:51,974
I'll let you eat in peace.
410
00:24:52,074 --> 00:24:54,723
Oh, thank you, thank you.
It's a bit late for that.
411
00:24:56,870 --> 00:24:58,472
(CLEARS THROAT)
412
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,017
Keith.
413
00:25:02,584 --> 00:25:03,856
Dr Lerner.
414
00:25:04,378 --> 00:25:06,238
Interesting wine
and cheese party last night.
415
00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:09,033
I am so sorry.
Honestly, I was nervous meeting everyone
416
00:25:09,133 --> 00:25:11,452
and you combine that
with the free-flowing wine
417
00:25:11,552 --> 00:25:13,871
and it is just a recipe
for Austen-bashing.
418
00:25:14,263 --> 00:25:16,540
Mary's a pretty powerful presence
around here, you know?
419
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,583
She's tenured, she's published.
420
00:25:19,059 --> 00:25:21,036
She's also head of the Ethics Committee
421
00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:23,213
which means
she can make your life miserable.
422
00:25:23,313 --> 00:25:24,340
Mmm.
423
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:25,587
Even get you fired.
424
00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:29,010
She wants me fired? Already?
425
00:25:29,319 --> 00:25:30,512
She's not happy.
426
00:25:30,612 --> 00:25:33,465
She did use words in her email
to me like "harassment".
427
00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:35,300
That's a very bad word.
428
00:25:35,576 --> 00:25:38,054
Yes, it is indeed. Here, walk with me.
429
00:25:38,787 --> 00:25:43,192
Listen, I know you're a big Hollywood guy,
obviously you don't need this job.
430
00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:45,986
Well, I wouldn't want to
let the students down, you know.
431
00:25:46,211 --> 00:25:49,986
Well, then I'm afraid you're going
to have to kiss her svelte ass.
432
00:25:50,591 --> 00:25:51,867
That sounds difficult.
433
00:25:51,967 --> 00:25:54,320
I couldn't do it.
And I was in Desert Storm.
434
00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:57,957
Should I bring her a gift
of appeasement, you know?
435
00:25:58,057 --> 00:25:59,329
What does she like?
436
00:25:59,641 --> 00:26:01,038
Jane Austen.
437
00:26:23,832 --> 00:26:25,855
(TYPING)
438
00:26:34,843 --> 00:26:38,322
FEMALE PRESENTER: And the award
for Best Original Screenplay goes to...
439
00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:42,459
Keith Michaels for Paradise Misplaced.
440
00:26:42,559 --> 00:26:43,752
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
441
00:26:43,852 --> 00:26:44,953
KEITH: Uh...
442
00:26:46,063 --> 00:26:47,164
This is, uh...
443
00:26:47,689 --> 00:26:51,176
Well, it's tragic
how much I'm enjoying getting this.
444
00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:52,798
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
445
00:26:54,154 --> 00:26:57,303
And it's with tremendous ill-grace, um,
446
00:26:58,033 --> 00:27:02,513
that I grudgingly acknowledge
the contribution of a few other people.
447
00:27:04,373 --> 00:27:09,320
Our brilliant director, Niles Kelling,
my very loud agent, Ellen Klein.
448
00:27:10,129 --> 00:27:13,608
My beautiful wife, Tina,
who, frankly, could do much better.
449
00:27:14,424 --> 00:27:18,037
And our son, Alex,
who I can honestly say
450
00:27:18,137 --> 00:27:21,040
is the only thing
I've ever had a hand in producing
451
00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:23,375
- not desperately in need of a rewrite.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
452
00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:26,503
So, uh, cheers, Alex, and go to bed.
453
00:27:26,603 --> 00:27:27,955
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
454
00:27:29,439 --> 00:27:30,586
Thank you.
455
00:27:34,736 --> 00:27:35,837
(VIDEO STOPS)
456
00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:44,103
(SNIFFS)
457
00:28:21,325 --> 00:28:25,145
I'm not interested in your feelings
about Persuasion, Miss Stein-Rosen,
458
00:28:25,245 --> 00:28:26,605
or anything else for that matter.
459
00:28:26,705 --> 00:28:29,858
I am interested in a
well-thought out analysis
460
00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:34,696
corroborated with evidence from the text
and only the text. Not Wikipedia.
461
00:28:34,796 --> 00:28:36,782
That's what I thought I was doing.
462
00:28:36,882 --> 00:28:38,325
What you thought
you were doing is irrelevant.
463
00:28:38,425 --> 00:28:42,905
What you have done or in this case,
not done, is what counts.
464
00:28:43,305 --> 00:28:44,998
Can I do some kind of extra credit?
465
00:28:45,098 --> 00:28:46,916
Like Habitat for Humanity?
466
00:28:47,100 --> 00:28:48,127
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
467
00:28:48,227 --> 00:28:49,328
Who is it?
468
00:28:52,272 --> 00:28:54,383
Hello. Uh, am I interrupting?
469
00:28:54,483 --> 00:28:56,510
I'm having office hours, Mr Michaels.
470
00:28:56,610 --> 00:28:57,886
Oh, OK.
471
00:28:57,986 --> 00:29:00,556
Hi, Mr Michaels.
I'm in your screenwriting class.
472
00:29:00,656 --> 00:29:01,890
Andrea Stein-Rosen.
473
00:29:01,990 --> 00:29:03,934
Oh, yes, yes. Andrea.
474
00:29:04,034 --> 00:29:06,645
Great Neck High School.
Likes Adele and Pinkberry.
475
00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:07,846
Yeah.
476
00:29:08,497 --> 00:29:09,439
I can come back.
477
00:29:09,539 --> 00:29:12,108
Oh, no, I think we're done.
Right? Are we done?
478
00:29:12,251 --> 00:29:13,523
Ten minutes ago.
479
00:29:15,879 --> 00:29:17,276
Nice to see you.
480
00:29:18,674 --> 00:29:19,783
Good morning.
481
00:29:19,883 --> 00:29:20,984
Uh...
482
00:29:22,135 --> 00:29:25,747
It could be said that we got off to a
poor start at the wine and cheese event.
483
00:29:25,847 --> 00:29:27,290
"We" did?
484
00:29:27,724 --> 00:29:28,959
I did. I did.
485
00:29:29,059 --> 00:29:31,211
Bit too much wine,
not quite enough cheese.
486
00:29:31,311 --> 00:29:34,790
Which is why I brought these
few small peace offerings.
487
00:29:35,148 --> 00:29:38,218
These are DVDs of every
Jane Austen novel
488
00:29:38,318 --> 00:29:41,221
including my favourite,
Clueless with Alicia Silverstone.
489
00:29:41,321 --> 00:29:42,472
What is Clueless?
490
00:29:42,572 --> 00:29:44,433
Oh, I think you'll like it.
It's based on Emma.
491
00:29:44,533 --> 00:29:46,977
Bit hit. Spun off into
a mildly successful series.
492
00:29:47,077 --> 00:29:52,608
Also, a gift certificate from Amazon
covering all the following items.
493
00:29:52,708 --> 00:29:55,812
My personal favourite is
the "What Would Jane Do?" tote bag.
494
00:29:57,713 --> 00:29:59,315
Mr Michaels...
495
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:00,941
Thank you.
496
00:30:01,967 --> 00:30:05,329
This is the finest public university
in the Northeast.
497
00:30:05,429 --> 00:30:06,455
Yes. I understand.
498
00:30:06,555 --> 00:30:10,000
We expect a degree of professionalism
even from a non-professional.
499
00:30:10,100 --> 00:30:11,210
Yes, of course.
500
00:30:11,310 --> 00:30:14,421
Which means that you
behave at faculty events.
501
00:30:14,521 --> 00:30:16,632
You read the material
that has been submitted to you.
502
00:30:16,732 --> 00:30:19,092
You do not dismiss your
class for a month.
503
00:30:19,192 --> 00:30:21,420
- Oh.
- Yes, I heard about that.
504
00:30:21,737 --> 00:30:24,973
But I want to be fair,
and act without pride or prejudice,
505
00:30:25,073 --> 00:30:26,266
if you'll forgive the reference...
506
00:30:26,366 --> 00:30:28,644
No, I very much enjoyed it. It was good.
507
00:30:28,744 --> 00:30:32,314
So I'll give you one more opportunity
to conduct yourself like a teacher.
508
00:30:32,414 --> 00:30:35,393
Absolutely. I will watch
Dead Poets Society to prepare.
509
00:30:36,793 --> 00:30:39,112
It's a film. It's about teaching, um...
510
00:30:39,212 --> 00:30:41,861
I'll get to it right after... Clueless.
511
00:30:42,507 --> 00:30:44,200
- Clueless? Great.
- Yes.
512
00:31:00,108 --> 00:31:01,300
(HOLLY SIGHS)
513
00:31:04,363 --> 00:31:05,464
Good afternoon.
514
00:31:07,115 --> 00:31:09,351
- Oh, Mr Michaels.
- Please, call me Keith.
515
00:31:09,451 --> 00:31:11,520
Sorry, my youngest was
throwing up all night.
516
00:31:11,620 --> 00:31:13,393
- Oh, had she been drinking?
- (LAUGHS)
517
00:31:13,914 --> 00:31:17,063
She's nine. But maybe,
I'm a really permissive mother.
518
00:31:18,543 --> 00:31:19,528
How can I help you?
519
00:31:19,628 --> 00:31:21,655
Well, by thanking me
for reading your script.
520
00:31:21,755 --> 00:31:23,699
- Really?
- You want to test me?
521
00:31:23,799 --> 00:31:25,242
It is called Local Girl,
522
00:31:25,342 --> 00:31:28,537
and it is about a perky
Binghamton lass called Peggy,
523
00:31:28,929 --> 00:31:32,874
who dreams big dreams about being a dancer
and is attracted to the wrong boys
524
00:31:32,974 --> 00:31:34,710
and her father is a police officer
525
00:31:34,810 --> 00:31:37,337
and her mother is a beautician
and opera singer.
526
00:31:37,437 --> 00:31:39,756
- Wow, you really did read it.
- Uh-huh.
527
00:31:39,856 --> 00:31:42,630
So, what did you think?
528
00:31:43,026 --> 00:31:46,013
I think that
your characters are quite interesting,
529
00:31:46,113 --> 00:31:48,307
but that it's a little
randomly structured.
530
00:31:48,407 --> 00:31:51,643
Anyway, I have sent an email telling everyone
that we have class today
531
00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:52,969
and I would like you to attend.
532
00:31:53,537 --> 00:31:55,605
(CHUCKLES) Great.
533
00:31:56,206 --> 00:31:57,478
Congratulations.
534
00:31:58,417 --> 00:31:59,985
I just have a question.
535
00:32:00,085 --> 00:32:01,320
I would expect no less.
536
00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:05,696
If you don't believe writing can be taught,
what are we going to be doing in class?
537
00:32:06,299 --> 00:32:07,867
Well, we're going to, uh...
538
00:32:09,761 --> 00:32:10,862
Uh...
539
00:32:24,693 --> 00:32:26,761
(CLEARS THROAT) So...
540
00:32:29,614 --> 00:32:32,351
Why don't we deal with attendance,
you know?
541
00:32:32,451 --> 00:32:34,770
Get that out of the way.
542
00:32:37,873 --> 00:32:39,941
Rachel Anslow.
Now am I pronouncing that right?
543
00:32:40,041 --> 00:32:42,189
Is that "Ans-low" or is it "An-slow"?
544
00:32:42,669 --> 00:32:43,770
(QUIETLY) "Ans-low."
545
00:32:44,171 --> 00:32:45,447
Sorry, I didn't quite catch that.
546
00:32:45,547 --> 00:32:46,615
(LOUDLY) "Ans-low!"
547
00:32:46,715 --> 00:32:49,159
OK. OK, OK. That's fine. Tick.
548
00:32:49,676 --> 00:32:50,660
Um...
549
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:55,036
And another tricky one.
Flo Bai? Or should I say "bay", "bai"?
550
00:32:55,515 --> 00:32:57,459
It's "bay". But I could go either way.
551
00:32:57,559 --> 00:32:59,286
KEITH:
Good. I appreciate your flexibility.
552
00:32:59,561 --> 00:33:03,837
Could be either, or indeed, "eye-ther".
(CHUCKLES)
553
00:33:04,566 --> 00:33:05,838
Let's call the whole thing off.
554
00:33:06,359 --> 00:33:09,971
Uh, I'm sorry, Miss Stein-Rosen,
but you will have to wait for the "S's".
555
00:33:10,071 --> 00:33:12,891
Or is it the "R's"?
Um, interesting question.
556
00:33:12,991 --> 00:33:15,727
I was just going to say,
I think everyone is here.
557
00:33:15,827 --> 00:33:20,023
There were 10 of us last time,
there's 10 today, plus...
558
00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:21,650
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
559
00:33:21,750 --> 00:33:25,070
Everyone, welcome the new student
to our class. Holly Carpenter.
560
00:33:25,879 --> 00:33:28,232
Holly, perhaps you'd like to tell us
a little bit about yourself.
561
00:33:28,590 --> 00:33:31,318
No, I'm good, good.
Thanks, thanks for asking.
562
00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:33,115
I see.
563
00:33:33,637 --> 00:33:34,738
Uh...
564
00:33:36,348 --> 00:33:38,542
So, the consensus is that
we're all here, yeah?
565
00:33:38,642 --> 00:33:39,668
ALL: Yeah.
566
00:33:39,768 --> 00:33:42,838
All right, all right, if you think so.
Seems a little rash to me, but, uh...
567
00:33:49,611 --> 00:33:50,804
Mr Michaels?
568
00:33:50,904 --> 00:33:53,682
Maybe you could tell us
a little bit about
569
00:33:53,782 --> 00:33:57,853
why you decided to come
to Binghamton and teach?
570
00:33:58,912 --> 00:34:01,435
I certainly could, Miss Carpenter.
571
00:34:03,917 --> 00:34:05,143
The truth is that, uh...
572
00:34:05,502 --> 00:34:06,603
I...
573
00:34:09,548 --> 00:34:12,948
The truth is that I'm going
to be writing a movie
574
00:34:13,301 --> 00:34:15,950
- about a teacher and this is all research.
- (ALL MURMUR EXCITEDLY)
575
00:34:16,263 --> 00:34:17,364
Who's going to be in it?
576
00:34:17,639 --> 00:34:19,666
I'm afraid I'm not at liberty
to discuss that.
577
00:34:19,766 --> 00:34:21,493
You know, Matt hasn't committed yet...
578
00:34:21,810 --> 00:34:24,129
Matt Damon? Oh, my God!
579
00:34:24,271 --> 00:34:25,547
- Oh, my God!
- I did not say that, no.
580
00:34:25,647 --> 00:34:27,007
No, the point is that, you know,
581
00:34:27,107 --> 00:34:30,427
I have to learn who
my protagonist really...
582
00:34:30,527 --> 00:34:32,550
Protagonist, protagonist, protagonist.
583
00:34:32,862 --> 00:34:37,559
Pro-tag-on-nist
584
00:34:37,659 --> 00:34:38,977
is all about, you know,
585
00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:43,182
what he aspires to be,
what goal he wishes to achieve.
586
00:34:44,165 --> 00:34:47,439
You mean like how in A New Hope,
Luke wants to become a Jedi Knight?
587
00:34:47,836 --> 00:34:49,196
Yeah, perfect example, Mr...
588
00:34:49,296 --> 00:34:50,906
Frazier. Billy Frazier.
589
00:34:51,006 --> 00:34:52,449
Yeah. Billy, good, yes.
590
00:34:52,924 --> 00:34:55,702
A goal has been established and
the story consists of trying to overcome
591
00:34:55,802 --> 00:34:57,324
the obstacles in the way of that goal.
592
00:34:59,389 --> 00:35:01,583
Feel free to write that down.
593
00:35:02,309 --> 00:35:05,420
And, I bet that if you all thought
of your favourite movie
594
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:09,625
you could identify the hero or heroine
and what their goal was.
595
00:35:10,692 --> 00:35:12,010
Dirty Dancing.
596
00:35:12,110 --> 00:35:14,679
Are you serious?
That's not even a movie.
597
00:35:14,779 --> 00:35:18,225
It's a wack Cinderella fantasy
that's totally devoid of reality.
598
00:35:18,325 --> 00:35:19,472
(MOBILE RINGING)
599
00:35:19,951 --> 00:35:21,143
Uh...
600
00:35:21,536 --> 00:35:22,604
Just excuse me one second.
601
00:35:22,704 --> 00:35:24,564
You know, Hollywood never rests.
(CHUCKLES)
602
00:35:24,664 --> 00:35:26,766
- Yeah, hi.
- ELLEN: Hey. Are you OK?
603
00:35:27,208 --> 00:35:29,027
You sounded like you were going to kill
yourself last night.
604
00:35:29,127 --> 00:35:31,279
I was, but it was
far too cold and rainy.
605
00:35:31,379 --> 00:35:33,323
Listen, I am actually
teaching at the moment.
606
00:35:33,423 --> 00:35:36,076
OK, good, good.
Well, I'm just checking in.
607
00:35:36,176 --> 00:35:38,161
You hang in there
and I'll talk to you soon, OK?
608
00:35:38,261 --> 00:35:40,247
Yeah, I will do, will do.
609
00:35:40,347 --> 00:35:41,957
And just one other thing.
610
00:35:42,057 --> 00:35:43,083
Um...
611
00:35:43,183 --> 00:35:45,460
Tell them if Matt wants a meeting
he's going to have to come here.
612
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:46,962
Matt? Who is Matt?
613
00:35:47,062 --> 00:35:48,964
Because, you know, there's always Ryan.
614
00:35:49,064 --> 00:35:51,341
(GASPS) Gosling or Reynolds?
615
00:35:51,441 --> 00:35:54,094
- OK. Talk to you soon. Yeah, ciao.
- Ciao.
616
00:35:54,194 --> 00:35:56,922
I'm so sorry about that.
They never leave me alone.
617
00:35:57,238 --> 00:35:59,432
So, any other favourite movies?
618
00:36:12,045 --> 00:36:13,146
HOLLY: Hey.
619
00:36:13,713 --> 00:36:15,448
You made it through. Sort of.
620
00:36:15,548 --> 00:36:18,326
I couldn't have done it without
your probing and annoying question.
621
00:36:18,426 --> 00:36:19,698
I'm always here for you.
622
00:36:21,262 --> 00:36:22,534
Mr Ronson.
623
00:36:23,014 --> 00:36:25,162
Your pages were excellent.
624
00:36:26,017 --> 00:36:27,377
- Really?
- Yeah.
625
00:36:27,477 --> 00:36:28,749
Thanks, Mr Michaels.
626
00:36:29,104 --> 00:36:30,626
- (SNEEZES) Sorry.
- Oh!
627
00:36:31,940 --> 00:36:33,883
I think I might be coming down
with something.
628
00:36:33,983 --> 00:36:35,960
Do you have any idea
where you might be going with the story?
629
00:36:36,277 --> 00:36:37,304
Um...
630
00:36:37,404 --> 00:36:39,598
Yes. I have more pages.
631
00:36:40,782 --> 00:36:41,974
All of them, actually.
632
00:36:42,367 --> 00:36:44,219
Sorry, why did you only hand in 30?
633
00:36:44,953 --> 00:36:48,398
That's all they asked for.
I didn't want to impose.
634
00:36:48,581 --> 00:36:49,524
(SNIFFING)
635
00:36:49,624 --> 00:36:52,728
Well, I'd love to see the rest, if and
when you're comfortable sending them.
636
00:36:53,753 --> 00:36:55,105
And assuming you live that long.
637
00:36:59,968 --> 00:37:01,411
Dismissed.
638
00:37:09,310 --> 00:37:11,287
JIM: Henry, let go.
639
00:37:12,397 --> 00:37:13,749
It's garbage.
640
00:37:19,487 --> 00:37:21,339
- Evening, Jim.
- Evening.
641
00:37:21,740 --> 00:37:24,514
- Henry, how are you?
- Hey, boy.
642
00:37:26,244 --> 00:37:28,938
You know, Karen,
I want to have a quick chat with Jim
643
00:37:29,038 --> 00:37:32,442
about the correct schedule
for garbage pickups for a moment,
644
00:37:32,542 --> 00:37:36,442
- so why don't you go on in and I'll catch up.
- OK.
645
00:37:36,796 --> 00:37:39,115
OK, don't be too long. You want it hot.
646
00:37:39,549 --> 00:37:40,821
Take care, Professor Harper.
647
00:37:41,259 --> 00:37:42,736
I'll put on some music.
648
00:37:42,844 --> 00:37:44,079
(HENRY BARKING)
649
00:37:44,179 --> 00:37:46,122
OK, all right, Henry.
650
00:37:46,264 --> 00:37:47,616
Quiet, Henry.
651
00:37:49,434 --> 00:37:52,663
Sorry about Henry here.
I think he's why my wife left me.
652
00:37:53,855 --> 00:37:55,674
Your wife? I didn't realise
you were married.
653
00:37:55,774 --> 00:38:01,888
Yeah. She's with some visiting professor
in the Physics Department.
654
00:38:01,988 --> 00:38:06,476
One of the guys that helped discover
that whole Higgs boson thing.
655
00:38:06,576 --> 00:38:08,144
The glue to the universe.
656
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:10,517
She's impressed with that kind of stuff.
657
00:38:13,875 --> 00:38:15,648
Listen, um...
658
00:38:16,461 --> 00:38:17,862
- About Karen...
- Mmm.
659
00:38:17,962 --> 00:38:19,239
You know, we've been spending
some time together.
660
00:38:19,339 --> 00:38:20,323
Uh-huh.
661
00:38:20,423 --> 00:38:22,325
Yeah, I think I may have seen that.
662
00:38:22,425 --> 00:38:23,526
Right.
663
00:38:23,718 --> 00:38:25,620
You know, she's been
very welcoming, very friendly.
664
00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:27,997
- Lot of school spirit. Uh-huh.
- Right, right.
665
00:38:28,097 --> 00:38:31,292
And she's actually
also taking my course.
666
00:38:31,392 --> 00:38:32,419
Ah. Ah.
667
00:38:32,519 --> 00:38:33,670
OK. I gotcha.
668
00:38:33,770 --> 00:38:36,423
Right. So I was just wondering
if there's any kind of, you know,
669
00:38:36,523 --> 00:38:39,259
university policy or official position
on that kind of thing.
670
00:38:39,359 --> 00:38:41,302
Yeah, it's totally against the rules.
671
00:38:41,486 --> 00:38:42,971
- Is that right?
- Yeah, no, big time.
672
00:38:43,071 --> 00:38:44,969
People get fired for that.
673
00:38:46,074 --> 00:38:48,176
Wow, I didn't realise, so...
674
00:38:48,660 --> 00:38:50,311
Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me.
675
00:38:50,411 --> 00:38:51,563
- Thank you very much, Jim.
- Sure.
676
00:38:51,663 --> 00:38:52,764
(CAR HORN HONKS)
677
00:38:54,749 --> 00:38:56,522
- Gentlemen.
- JIM: Well, hey.
678
00:38:56,751 --> 00:38:59,479
Just coming back from a grocery run.
What are we talking about?
679
00:39:01,756 --> 00:39:06,411
I was just trying to remember
which Shakespeare play, the line
680
00:39:06,511 --> 00:39:09,664
"Tomorrow and tomorrow,
creeps in this petty pace" comes from
681
00:39:09,764 --> 00:39:11,537
and Jim was assisting me.
682
00:39:12,016 --> 00:39:13,668
Macbeth. Act V, Scene V.
683
00:39:13,768 --> 00:39:15,870
- Very impressive, very impressive.
- Wow.
684
00:39:16,020 --> 00:39:18,298
- That is why he's Department Chairman.
- Right.
685
00:39:18,398 --> 00:39:19,674
Actually, I'm Department Chairman
686
00:39:19,774 --> 00:39:21,926
because it pays more
and I have four daughters
687
00:39:22,026 --> 00:39:24,800
who spend so much time at the mall,
the mannequins call them by name.
688
00:39:25,238 --> 00:39:27,515
Wow. So it's just you in the house
with five women, huh?
689
00:39:27,615 --> 00:39:29,809
Yup. Me and the girls.
690
00:39:30,410 --> 00:39:32,558
(♪ LOUD HIP-HOP ON STEREO)
691
00:39:36,374 --> 00:39:38,777
Well, I'm going to go
and brush up on my classics,
692
00:39:38,877 --> 00:39:40,195
so I will see you gentlemen later.
693
00:39:40,295 --> 00:39:43,031
And, I'm just going to go ahead
and walk my friend here.
694
00:39:43,131 --> 00:39:44,733
"Once more unto the breach".
695
00:39:55,810 --> 00:39:57,583
Thank you. Here you are.
696
00:40:01,065 --> 00:40:02,634
Good timing. Last umbrella.
697
00:40:02,734 --> 00:40:04,761
Yeah, I'm quite excited.
I haven't actually owned one of these
698
00:40:04,861 --> 00:40:06,888
since I left England
about 100 years ago.
699
00:40:06,988 --> 00:40:09,265
But your horrendous weather
has forced my hand.
700
00:40:09,365 --> 00:40:11,226
No, you're looking
at it all the wrong way.
701
00:40:11,326 --> 00:40:14,555
First of all, think about how much
you save in suntan lotion.
702
00:40:14,746 --> 00:40:16,606
Yes, I see that. And sunglasses.
703
00:40:16,706 --> 00:40:17,690
And convertibles.
704
00:40:17,790 --> 00:40:20,193
And bikinis. I'm now very
glad I did not bring mine.
705
00:40:20,293 --> 00:40:21,569
I can lend you one when it gets sunny.
706
00:40:21,669 --> 00:40:23,780
Oh, you're saying there actually
will be a sunny day?
707
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:27,033
Oh, yeah. It gets sunny,
and it is worth the wait.
708
00:40:27,133 --> 00:40:28,993
The lawn is filled with
Frisbees and guitars.
709
00:40:29,093 --> 00:40:31,913
Professors teach outside
and it's just, you just...
710
00:40:32,013 --> 00:40:36,869
You soak it all in, you absorb it, like the
best scoop of ice cream you ever had.
711
00:40:37,018 --> 00:40:38,415
What a sad, pathetic story.
712
00:40:38,853 --> 00:40:39,838
Too randomly structured?
713
00:40:39,938 --> 00:40:41,256
- Bit cliché.
- Mmm.
714
00:40:41,356 --> 00:40:43,629
Saying "a bit cliché" is a bit cliché.
715
00:40:43,942 --> 00:40:48,179
Mark Twain said that, "The difference between
the almost right word and the right word
716
00:40:48,279 --> 00:40:50,139
"was the difference between
the lightning bug and lightning."
717
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:52,225
I love it. This is the
kind of stuff I want to learn.
718
00:40:52,325 --> 00:40:54,102
Yes, and this is exactly
what can't be taught, so...
719
00:40:54,202 --> 00:40:55,562
I know, I know.
No one can learn anything.
720
00:40:55,662 --> 00:40:57,935
It's all set in stone,
let's just all kill ourselves.
721
00:40:59,374 --> 00:41:00,771
This is what I'm talking about.
722
00:41:05,630 --> 00:41:07,323
- Late Bloomers.
- Mmm-hmm.
723
00:41:07,423 --> 00:41:10,118
Looks like one of those Victorian plays
where many people say, "arse".
724
00:41:10,218 --> 00:41:13,663
Well, it is about people who find
their true talents later in life.
725
00:41:14,514 --> 00:41:16,708
Sylvester Stallone,
he was a deli counter attendant.
726
00:41:17,475 --> 00:41:21,087
Rodney Dangerfield gave up selling
aluminium siding to go on to become
727
00:41:21,187 --> 00:41:23,965
- one of the most famous comedians ever.
- Yeah?
728
00:41:24,065 --> 00:41:25,967
Alan Rickman, a fellow countryman,
729
00:41:26,067 --> 00:41:28,303
didn't get a movie role until he was 48.
730
00:41:28,403 --> 00:41:30,638
- Wow.
- Susan Boyle was 46.
731
00:41:30,738 --> 00:41:35,093
Laura Ingalls Wilder didn't write Little
House on the Prairie until she was 65.
732
00:41:35,410 --> 00:41:36,561
Incredible. And look at that.
733
00:41:36,661 --> 00:41:39,014
Jesus didn't give up carpentry
until he was 30.
734
00:41:39,247 --> 00:41:42,021
Yeah, and now he's,
like, a top guy in his field.
735
00:41:42,333 --> 00:41:46,154
The thing is, you see, I would argue
late bloomers may have had talent all along.
736
00:41:46,254 --> 00:41:48,197
It was just unrecognised.
There's a difference.
737
00:41:48,548 --> 00:41:51,197
I disagree. I think
it's just about focusing.
738
00:41:51,759 --> 00:41:52,827
Right.
739
00:41:52,927 --> 00:41:54,028
Uh-oh.
740
00:41:54,345 --> 00:41:55,867
I wish you'd focused on my umbrella.
741
00:41:56,097 --> 00:41:58,325
Oh, it's a good thing
I don't work on commission.
742
00:42:02,437 --> 00:42:03,629
Hat?
743
00:42:04,230 --> 00:42:05,331
Yes, all right.
744
00:42:18,911 --> 00:42:19,854
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
745
00:42:19,954 --> 00:42:21,727
Uh, yeah, come in.
746
00:42:24,125 --> 00:42:25,647
Clem, hello.
747
00:42:26,794 --> 00:42:29,781
- Are you all right?
- I noticed this discolouration on my arm.
748
00:42:29,881 --> 00:42:33,485
I thought it was the flesh-eating virus,
but the infirmary says it's just a dry patch.
749
00:42:33,718 --> 00:42:35,070
Well, better luck next time.
750
00:42:35,720 --> 00:42:36,704
But the good news is,
751
00:42:36,804 --> 00:42:39,623
I have now finished
your completed script, and...
752
00:42:40,933 --> 00:42:42,034
It's brilliant.
753
00:42:42,143 --> 00:42:43,211
- Wow, really?
- Yeah.
754
00:42:43,311 --> 00:42:45,546
It's unbelievable. It's annoying, actually.
Have you always written?
755
00:42:45,646 --> 00:42:48,049
Pretty much. Especially in high school.
756
00:42:48,149 --> 00:42:50,343
It gave me something to do
in between getting beaten up.
757
00:42:50,526 --> 00:42:53,254
Yeah well, most good writers spend
a lot of their time getting beaten up.
758
00:42:53,404 --> 00:42:55,223
And I'll tell you something wonderful
about Hollywood.
759
00:42:55,323 --> 00:42:56,675
Nerds can rule.
760
00:42:57,408 --> 00:42:58,601
Not that you're a nerd, I mean...
761
00:42:58,701 --> 00:43:01,229
Are you kidding? I aspire to nerd.
762
00:43:01,329 --> 00:43:05,233
OK, so, what I'd like to do
is just give you my few, inane notes
763
00:43:05,333 --> 00:43:08,569
which if you've seen my last few movies,
you will know to ignore
764
00:43:08,669 --> 00:43:11,648
and then, I'd like to
show this to my agent.
765
00:43:12,173 --> 00:43:14,901
(STAMMERS) Are you kidding? Thank you.
766
00:43:16,344 --> 00:43:17,570
(SNEEZES)
767
00:43:18,346 --> 00:43:21,374
I don't have a Kleenex, but I have this.
768
00:43:21,474 --> 00:43:22,621
It's as good as.
769
00:43:22,934 --> 00:43:24,581
ANDREA:
Let's ask the Rabbi what he thinks.
770
00:43:25,061 --> 00:43:27,463
Suddenly, they see Rabbi Stein
eat some food.
771
00:43:27,563 --> 00:43:30,462
Alicia says,
"Oh, no, he's allergic to nuts!"
772
00:43:30,691 --> 00:43:32,839
And the Rabbi grabs for his heart.
773
00:43:33,611 --> 00:43:35,258
End of Act 1.
774
00:43:35,696 --> 00:43:37,348
It's completely contrived.
775
00:43:37,448 --> 00:43:40,927
Your lead character resembles no one
who's ever walked the planet.
776
00:43:41,494 --> 00:43:42,720
She's based on me.
777
00:43:43,037 --> 00:43:44,605
Maybe you need a villain.
778
00:43:44,705 --> 00:43:48,025
He could wear a mask that covers his face.
You could hear his breathing.
779
00:43:48,459 --> 00:43:50,311
I thought it had some
really nice touches.
780
00:43:50,545 --> 00:43:52,192
Me too. I really enjoyed it.
781
00:43:52,296 --> 00:43:53,443
Very quick read.
782
00:43:53,548 --> 00:43:56,576
You start with two pages
describing clouds.
783
00:43:56,676 --> 00:43:58,786
If it was a movie about
a meteorologist, fine,
784
00:43:58,886 --> 00:44:01,489
but it's a story about
a Bat Mitzvah gone wrong.
785
00:44:01,597 --> 00:44:03,415
KEITH: Ok, Andrea, good.
786
00:44:03,599 --> 00:44:05,542
Let me just ask you
this question. Sit down.
787
00:44:06,686 --> 00:44:07,878
Why did you write this?
788
00:44:08,646 --> 00:44:09,714
- What do you mean?
- KEITH: Well,
789
00:44:09,814 --> 00:44:12,417
what was the thing that made you
want to write this story?
790
00:44:13,568 --> 00:44:15,170
- I don't know.
- KEITH: OK.
791
00:44:15,403 --> 00:44:17,346
Your favourite film, Dirty Dancing,
what's that about?
792
00:44:17,446 --> 00:44:19,557
A girl who learns to dance
and falls in love.
793
00:44:19,657 --> 00:44:21,805
Yes. But isn't it about more than that?
794
00:44:22,076 --> 00:44:24,228
Isn't it about a girl named Baby
795
00:44:24,328 --> 00:44:26,773
who discovers that she is in fact
becoming a woman?
796
00:44:26,873 --> 00:44:28,520
Isn't it about lost innocence?
797
00:44:28,875 --> 00:44:30,026
Yes, I guess so.
798
00:44:30,126 --> 00:44:33,321
See, the thing is,
writing a movie is so hard,
799
00:44:33,421 --> 00:44:35,364
it's like jumping into the sea.
800
00:44:35,464 --> 00:44:36,657
And you need a life raft.
801
00:44:36,757 --> 00:44:39,494
And that raft is the impulse
behind the movie.
802
00:44:39,594 --> 00:44:42,163
It's the thing that made you want to
write the story in the first place.
803
00:44:42,263 --> 00:44:45,037
You've got to figure that out
and then cling on for dear life.
804
00:44:45,766 --> 00:44:47,743
So why did you write Paradise Misplaced?
805
00:44:48,102 --> 00:44:51,047
- We don't want to talk about my stuff.
- ANDREA: Yeah, why did you tell that story,
806
00:44:51,147 --> 00:44:52,340
- Mr Michaels?
- How did you come up with that?
807
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:54,884
- Yeah, what was your life raft?
- Did you have a near-death experience?
808
00:44:56,277 --> 00:44:57,549
Oh...
809
00:44:59,447 --> 00:45:01,220
Well, it was a...
810
00:45:02,366 --> 00:45:04,844
I used to tell my son stories at night.
811
00:45:05,369 --> 00:45:06,641
You have a son?
812
00:45:06,787 --> 00:45:07,897
Yeah, yeah, Alex.
813
00:45:07,997 --> 00:45:10,024
He's 18 now
814
00:45:10,124 --> 00:45:12,397
and he is a freshman
at Stanford University.
815
00:45:12,543 --> 00:45:14,236
Wow. So, he's really smart.
816
00:45:14,629 --> 00:45:18,199
Well, his mother was quite clever.
Smart enough to divorce me anyway.
817
00:45:18,299 --> 00:45:20,902
- (ALL CHUCKLE)
- But, while we were still together,
818
00:45:21,594 --> 00:45:23,788
my dad died and...
819
00:45:23,888 --> 00:45:25,414
Suddenly Alex, at age five,
820
00:45:25,514 --> 00:45:29,039
became frightened of the dark
and obsessed with death.
821
00:45:29,685 --> 00:45:33,585
So I invented a story
about heaven to comfort him.
822
00:45:35,316 --> 00:45:37,510
He didn't really buy it, you know?
823
00:45:37,610 --> 00:45:40,221
He had so many brilliant
and detailed questions
824
00:45:40,321 --> 00:45:42,719
that I had to refine
my answers every night.
825
00:45:44,158 --> 00:45:48,396
That turned into the story of two angels
who botch a mission to take a soul
826
00:45:48,496 --> 00:45:50,773
to heaven and have to go
to hell to get her back.
827
00:45:50,873 --> 00:45:52,400
Paradise Misplaced.
828
00:45:52,500 --> 00:45:53,726
Yeah, yeah.
829
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:56,904
It was a fairy tale, you know,
830
00:45:57,421 --> 00:45:59,944
designed to make a five-year-old
boy go to sleep.
831
00:46:03,761 --> 00:46:06,914
And that's the thing, you know.
Just having that idea,
832
00:46:07,014 --> 00:46:09,584
however big or small,
is an enormous help
833
00:46:09,684 --> 00:46:12,754
when you're drifting to sea somewhere
in the middle of your second act.
834
00:46:13,354 --> 00:46:15,506
I mean, let's say, for instance,
835
00:46:15,606 --> 00:46:18,926
that I was going to write a sequel
to Paradise Misplaced.
836
00:46:19,026 --> 00:46:19,969
Are you going to do that?
837
00:46:20,069 --> 00:46:22,096
I ask the question purely academically,
838
00:46:22,196 --> 00:46:24,549
but you know,
what could be the spine to that story?
839
00:46:32,456 --> 00:46:36,360
Well, I always thought Paradise Misplaced
was about second chances
840
00:46:36,460 --> 00:46:39,530
and how it's never too late to redeem
yourself and to start over again.
841
00:46:39,630 --> 00:46:43,075
Interesting, Miss Carpenter,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
842
00:46:43,175 --> 00:46:45,244
I'm sorry, I just had
an unrelated thought.
843
00:46:45,344 --> 00:46:48,164
- Yeah, Billy?
- Maybe instead of going to Hell this time,
844
00:46:48,264 --> 00:46:49,786
they go into space.
845
00:46:50,349 --> 00:46:52,293
OK, yeah. I think I see
where you're going with that one.
846
00:46:52,393 --> 00:46:53,836
It needs a love story.
847
00:46:53,936 --> 00:46:55,379
It should be in 3-D.
848
00:46:55,896 --> 00:46:57,381
One of the angels
from the original movie
849
00:46:57,481 --> 00:46:59,342
could have been captured
and brought down to Hell
850
00:46:59,442 --> 00:47:01,795
so two younger angels
have to try and get him back.
851
00:47:02,194 --> 00:47:05,639
Jonah Hill. And Channing Tatum.
We know that works.
852
00:47:06,574 --> 00:47:08,351
Good, good, good, good.
853
00:47:08,451 --> 00:47:10,679
Yes. Well, I hope you're
learning something here.
854
00:47:14,081 --> 00:47:16,309
KAREN: Hey. Hey!
855
00:47:16,792 --> 00:47:19,270
That was an incredible story
you told about your son today.
856
00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:20,696
Oh.
857
00:47:20,796 --> 00:47:22,698
Yeah. I shouldn't have really
gotten caught up in all that.
858
00:47:22,798 --> 00:47:23,991
No, it was really moving.
859
00:47:24,091 --> 00:47:26,193
I was just surprised
you hadn't mentioned it before.
860
00:47:26,761 --> 00:47:29,489
Hey, let's go someplace and talk.
Really talk.
861
00:47:29,972 --> 00:47:31,832
There's this restaurant called Number 5.
862
00:47:31,932 --> 00:47:34,794
You know, that would be lovely,
but I had not realised
863
00:47:34,894 --> 00:47:37,088
that there's this school policy.
864
00:47:37,188 --> 00:47:38,589
Discouraging teachers and students
865
00:47:38,689 --> 00:47:41,008
from having "romantic and
extracurricular relationships".
866
00:47:41,108 --> 00:47:43,177
- Yeah, exactly.
- But it happens all the time.
867
00:47:43,277 --> 00:47:47,098
I've had relationships with three of
my professors and teaching assistants.
868
00:47:48,032 --> 00:47:49,350
Wow. Three.
869
00:47:49,450 --> 00:47:51,477
And I just think trying to tell adults
870
00:47:51,577 --> 00:47:54,480
what they can or can't do
with their personal lives is ridiculous.
871
00:47:54,580 --> 00:47:57,433
I agree with that, but in our case,
872
00:47:58,292 --> 00:48:00,861
one of us is so much more adult
than the other.
873
00:48:00,961 --> 00:48:03,030
I don't mean emotionally,
because obviously that would be you...
874
00:48:03,130 --> 00:48:04,448
Age is just a number.
875
00:48:04,548 --> 00:48:07,326
I care about who a person is.
And you're an amazing man.
876
00:48:07,426 --> 00:48:09,328
- Well, fair enough...
- Listen to me.
877
00:48:09,428 --> 00:48:10,905
Do you know Steven Spielberg?
878
00:48:11,972 --> 00:48:13,207
Know him? No, not really. We've met.
879
00:48:13,307 --> 00:48:15,459
If you bumped into him in the street,
would he recognise you?
880
00:48:15,559 --> 00:48:18,671
Well, if I bumped into him really hard
and, you know, reintroduced myself
881
00:48:18,771 --> 00:48:20,089
when he was lying on the sidewalk,
I suppose.
882
00:48:20,189 --> 00:48:21,340
What about George Clooney?
883
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:23,718
We had a lunch.
I pitched him something he really hated.
884
00:48:23,818 --> 00:48:27,513
Do you realise how amazing this is?
These people are the gods of our time.
885
00:48:27,822 --> 00:48:29,473
Yeah, I'm not sure anyone
in the Screen Actors Guild
886
00:48:29,573 --> 00:48:30,890
should really be called a god.
887
00:48:31,033 --> 00:48:33,561
Every society back to
ancient times had gods.
888
00:48:33,661 --> 00:48:35,479
I'm minoring in anthropology.
889
00:48:35,579 --> 00:48:37,064
First it was the stars and the sun,
890
00:48:37,164 --> 00:48:39,859
then the Greeks and Romans
anthropomorphised them.
891
00:48:39,959 --> 00:48:41,444
Then, we had monotheism,
892
00:48:41,544 --> 00:48:44,196
and in today's culture
our gods are celebrities.
893
00:48:44,296 --> 00:48:46,023
And you know them personally.
894
00:48:46,215 --> 00:48:47,908
I suppose that makes me
a kind of demi-god.
895
00:48:48,008 --> 00:48:49,201
Quite a morale-booster.
896
00:48:49,301 --> 00:48:52,913
Besides, what if you meet
your soulmate this way?
897
00:48:53,013 --> 00:48:54,832
What if you meet the person
you're going to marry?
898
00:48:54,932 --> 00:48:56,454
Is that something to be discouraged?
899
00:48:59,728 --> 00:49:00,755
No, I suppose not. No.
900
00:49:00,855 --> 00:49:02,089
Then let's go to dinner.
901
00:49:02,189 --> 00:49:05,051
Unless, you just want it to be about sex.
And I'm fine with that.
902
00:49:05,151 --> 00:49:07,136
Just say that you only
want it to be about sex.
903
00:49:07,236 --> 00:49:09,805
I certainly don't want that.
904
00:49:09,905 --> 00:49:10,931
I...
905
00:49:11,031 --> 00:49:12,808
Let's talk about it at dinner.
That's a good idea.
906
00:49:12,908 --> 00:49:14,100
Great.
907
00:49:18,998 --> 00:49:20,520
(♪ JAZZ MUSIC ON SPEAKER)
908
00:49:24,879 --> 00:49:26,572
Calm down. No one's going to see us
909
00:49:26,672 --> 00:49:27,948
and who cares if they did.
910
00:49:28,048 --> 00:49:30,785
Yup. You're absolutely right.
Silly of me to be worried.
911
00:49:30,885 --> 00:49:33,613
So your son? What is he majoring in?
912
00:49:34,096 --> 00:49:35,743
Well, you know...
913
00:49:36,223 --> 00:49:37,833
I'm not absolutely certain.
914
00:49:37,933 --> 00:49:39,794
Welcome to... Oh.
915
00:49:39,894 --> 00:49:40,961
- Oh, Lord.
- HOLLY: Hi.
916
00:49:41,061 --> 00:49:43,964
- Mr Michaels and Karen.
- Hello, Holly.
917
00:49:44,064 --> 00:49:45,591
Wow, so you work here?
918
00:49:45,691 --> 00:49:48,544
No, I just walk around with a pad
and I find out what people like to eat.
919
00:49:49,069 --> 00:49:51,012
- I'd like the ahi tuna.
- HOLLY: OK.
920
00:49:51,572 --> 00:49:52,556
Excellent choice.
921
00:49:52,656 --> 00:49:54,258
Great. And a glass of Chardonnay.
922
00:49:54,575 --> 00:49:56,803
OK. Just need to see an ID.
923
00:49:56,911 --> 00:49:57,853
Seriously?
924
00:49:57,953 --> 00:49:59,430
That's just restaurant policy.
925
00:50:09,548 --> 00:50:13,494
Oh, I'm sorry. That doesn't look real.
926
00:50:13,761 --> 00:50:14,829
Yes, it is.
927
00:50:14,929 --> 00:50:16,288
I can take it to the manager.
928
00:50:16,388 --> 00:50:18,749
I'll tell you what.
Why don't I order a Chardonnay
929
00:50:18,849 --> 00:50:19,950
and we can share it.
930
00:50:20,100 --> 00:50:22,749
OK. Are we going to get straws?
Am I three years old?
931
00:50:23,103 --> 00:50:24,955
Well, we don't really know,
because your ID is fake.
932
00:50:26,148 --> 00:50:27,249
Sorry.
933
00:50:27,942 --> 00:50:29,885
I'm going to change my order, it's fine.
934
00:50:30,027 --> 00:50:32,300
I'll have a beef enchilada
and a margarita
935
00:50:32,613 --> 00:50:34,841
at Café Mexico with Judy and Chloe.
936
00:50:35,407 --> 00:50:36,508
Karen.
937
00:50:37,618 --> 00:50:38,719
Karen.
938
00:50:39,995 --> 00:50:41,355
(WHISPERING)
Don't make a big thing about this.
939
00:50:41,455 --> 00:50:44,859
She's being totally rude
and it'd be nice if you stood up for me.
940
00:50:44,959 --> 00:50:47,107
Either you take me
seriously or you don't.
941
00:50:47,253 --> 00:50:48,320
No, I do.
942
00:50:48,420 --> 00:50:50,698
I just think it's probably her job
to ask that question
943
00:50:50,798 --> 00:50:51,899
- and she...
- Good night.
944
00:50:56,428 --> 00:50:57,871
Daughters.
945
00:51:02,977 --> 00:51:07,048
It might have been real,
we just have to check.
946
00:51:07,481 --> 00:51:09,254
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
947
00:51:12,987 --> 00:51:15,764
So, the ahi tuna actually
sounded delicious.
948
00:51:15,864 --> 00:51:17,892
And I will have a glass of Chardonnay.
949
00:51:17,992 --> 00:51:19,093
Thank you.
950
00:51:19,743 --> 00:51:21,265
Would you like to see ID?
951
00:51:26,125 --> 00:51:28,728
HOLLY: Hey, I'm driving you home.
952
00:51:30,254 --> 00:51:32,823
KEITH:
Wow, this is a full-service restaurant.
953
00:51:32,923 --> 00:51:35,242
Well, you had two glasses
and you had two at the bar
954
00:51:35,342 --> 00:51:36,952
and if you die, I don't get
to take your course
955
00:51:37,052 --> 00:51:38,454
and it's going to screw up
my whole schedule.
956
00:51:38,554 --> 00:51:40,623
What about my car?
957
00:51:40,723 --> 00:51:42,291
It's a Hyundai.
It'll be there in the morning.
958
00:51:49,481 --> 00:51:50,582
Oh.
959
00:51:51,066 --> 00:51:54,470
The girls are doing a disco performance.
(CHUCKLES)
960
00:51:54,570 --> 00:51:56,513
I'm helping. You know, I used to dance.
961
00:51:57,573 --> 00:52:00,309
No, I know. You danced modern.
It's in your script.
962
00:52:00,409 --> 00:52:02,478
Peggy goes all the way to the big city
963
00:52:02,578 --> 00:52:04,647
to dance before coming back
and marrying Ted,
964
00:52:04,747 --> 00:52:07,942
the hot, but quite thick
minor league baseball player.
965
00:52:08,042 --> 00:52:11,820
I didn't write "big city".
I said "New York".
966
00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:13,822
You think we're all rubes up here?
967
00:52:13,922 --> 00:52:15,783
Very much so, yes, yes, yes.
968
00:52:15,883 --> 00:52:19,286
That true, did you really dance
in an off-Broadway show?
969
00:52:19,386 --> 00:52:21,455
Yes, until I blew my ankle out.
970
00:52:21,555 --> 00:52:22,873
Oh.
971
00:52:22,973 --> 00:52:25,667
Must have been tough, coming back
here after being in the big...
972
00:52:26,226 --> 00:52:27,461
Manhattan.
973
00:52:27,561 --> 00:52:29,413
Why? Hmm?
974
00:52:30,064 --> 00:52:31,674
Binghamton rocks.
975
00:52:31,774 --> 00:52:34,343
Oh, I know. I know.
976
00:52:38,364 --> 00:52:40,091
How does it rock?
977
00:52:41,325 --> 00:52:42,677
HOLLY: Gorgeous.
978
00:52:42,868 --> 00:52:46,647
One of the oldest antique carousels
in the United States.
979
00:52:46,747 --> 00:52:48,440
Rod Serling used it as the model
980
00:52:48,540 --> 00:52:51,519
for one of the most famous episodes
of The Twilight Zone ever.
981
00:52:52,252 --> 00:52:53,399
Do you know it?
982
00:52:53,754 --> 00:52:55,781
KEITH: I was always too scared
to watch The Twilight Zone
983
00:52:55,881 --> 00:52:56,991
because of that music.
984
00:52:57,091 --> 00:52:58,325
You mean...
985
00:52:58,425 --> 00:52:59,952
(♪ HOLLY HUMMING TWILIGHT ZONE THEME)
986
00:53:00,052 --> 00:53:01,453
Yup, that's it. Yup.
987
00:53:01,553 --> 00:53:03,330
(CONTINUES HUMMING)
988
00:53:03,430 --> 00:53:06,083
You're very good.
You can stop now. Please.
989
00:53:06,183 --> 00:53:08,035
Please, seriously, stop, stop.
990
00:53:08,852 --> 00:53:12,339
It's the story of a middle-aged man
who's lost his way
991
00:53:12,439 --> 00:53:14,717
and goes back in time
to the park he used to play in.
992
00:53:14,817 --> 00:53:16,594
This park.
993
00:53:16,694 --> 00:53:18,888
And, he rides the merry-go-round
994
00:53:19,446 --> 00:53:21,098
and he sees his father
and his father tells him
995
00:53:21,198 --> 00:53:22,850
that he has to move on with his life
996
00:53:22,950 --> 00:53:27,021
because he's been looking behind him
and he has to try looking ahead.
997
00:53:27,121 --> 00:53:29,273
KEITH: All right, well, thank you
for the history lesson.
998
00:53:29,373 --> 00:53:31,191
CAROUSEL WORKER:
Folks, closing in a minute.
999
00:53:31,291 --> 00:53:34,395
KEITH: And thanks for being
so understanding tonight about Karen.
1000
00:53:35,087 --> 00:53:36,822
It's not what it seems.
1001
00:53:36,922 --> 00:53:39,199
HOLLY:
Seems like you're sleeping with her.
1002
00:53:39,299 --> 00:53:41,243
- Then it is what it seems.
- (CHUCKLES)
1003
00:53:41,343 --> 00:53:43,037
I mean, I realise I shouldn't
be leading her on, but...
1004
00:53:43,137 --> 00:53:44,371
- Oh! (CHUCKLES)
- I mean, it takes...
1005
00:53:44,471 --> 00:53:46,206
You think it's about you?
1006
00:53:46,306 --> 00:53:47,908
It's about her father.
1007
00:53:50,978 --> 00:53:52,171
What do you mean, it's about her father?
1008
00:53:52,271 --> 00:53:54,840
The whole subtext of her script
is about a young girl
1009
00:53:54,940 --> 00:53:57,509
trying to get her distant,
powerful father's love.
1010
00:53:58,610 --> 00:54:02,181
You're just a substitute for the attention
she never got from an older male figure.
1011
00:54:02,281 --> 00:54:03,515
That's rather disturbing.
1012
00:54:03,615 --> 00:54:05,392
What's disturbing is
what does it say about you?
1013
00:54:05,492 --> 00:54:08,766
You trying to fill a spiritual vacancy
with alcohol and young women?
1014
00:54:09,288 --> 00:54:10,435
Yes.
1015
00:54:18,338 --> 00:54:19,564
Well.
1016
00:54:20,340 --> 00:54:21,737
- Thank you very much.
- Mmm.
1017
00:54:23,051 --> 00:54:24,277
No problem.
1018
00:54:28,557 --> 00:54:30,125
- Good.
- Yes.
1019
00:54:41,153 --> 00:54:43,430
That was very nice of you to show me
the sights of Binghamton.
1020
00:54:43,530 --> 00:54:45,099
Oh, the sight. That was about it.
1021
00:54:45,199 --> 00:54:47,685
Well it was surprisingly lovely and...
1022
00:54:47,785 --> 00:54:50,604
You're very easy to talk to even though
you did do most of the talking.
1023
00:54:50,829 --> 00:54:52,356
Thank you. I think.
1024
00:54:52,456 --> 00:54:54,399
And you look very nice
in your waitress uniform.
1025
00:54:55,459 --> 00:54:56,985
But, I've always had a yen for uniforms.
1026
00:54:57,085 --> 00:54:58,946
I think Kim Jong-Eun looks pretty sexy.
1027
00:54:59,046 --> 00:55:01,865
(CHUCKLES)
Well, I am flattered by the competition.
1028
00:55:05,677 --> 00:55:06,994
(SOFTLY) Yeah.
1029
00:55:08,055 --> 00:55:09,957
OK. Good night.
1030
00:55:10,057 --> 00:55:11,500
Good night.
1031
00:55:30,244 --> 00:55:31,645
KEITH: Character.
1032
00:55:31,745 --> 00:55:33,939
Character is everything.
1033
00:55:34,039 --> 00:55:36,608
Fortunately, not in life,
but in storytelling.
1034
00:55:36,708 --> 00:55:39,486
Make sure that your
characters drive the plot
1035
00:55:39,586 --> 00:55:41,188
and not the other way around.
1036
00:55:43,215 --> 00:55:45,067
Yes, questions? Anyone else?
1037
00:55:46,969 --> 00:55:48,245
Karen, yeah?
1038
00:55:48,345 --> 00:55:51,165
I'm just wondering,
given that besides Paradise Misplaced
1039
00:55:51,265 --> 00:55:54,126
all your other films were critical
and commercial failures,
1040
00:55:54,226 --> 00:55:56,875
why should we take this
or any advice from you?
1041
00:56:03,443 --> 00:56:07,047
(STUTTERING)
Well, you shouldn't. Because, um...
1042
00:56:08,699 --> 00:56:11,643
When it comes to writing,
there are no rules, you know?
1043
00:56:11,743 --> 00:56:14,354
(CHUCKLES) Except be true
to the story you're telling.
1044
00:56:14,454 --> 00:56:16,690
Just make it your own unique voice.
1045
00:56:16,790 --> 00:56:19,439
So thank you for pointing that out, Karen.
That's very helpful.
1046
00:56:37,561 --> 00:56:39,208
(INAUDIBLE)
1047
00:56:45,819 --> 00:56:47,888
KEITH: Well, I enjoyed your pages, Sara,
1048
00:56:47,988 --> 00:56:52,434
but, why is it subtitled
when the film is in English?
1049
00:56:52,534 --> 00:56:56,230
To demonstrate the vast gulf between
what we say and what we mean.
1050
00:56:56,330 --> 00:56:57,815
No one's ever done that before.
1051
00:56:57,915 --> 00:57:00,609
Yeah, I think Woody Allen
did it in Annie Hall.
1052
00:57:01,668 --> 00:57:03,153
That was a comedy.
1053
00:57:03,253 --> 00:57:04,947
I'm not interested in comedy.
1054
00:57:05,047 --> 00:57:07,366
No, no, I do see that. Yes.
1055
00:57:07,466 --> 00:57:09,910
- Thanks, Mr Michaels.
- Thank you, Rosa.
1056
00:57:10,010 --> 00:57:12,746
- Thank you, Mr Michaels.
- Thank you, Andrea, Clem, Billy...
1057
00:57:12,846 --> 00:57:14,957
Maya. At last, thank you.
1058
00:57:15,057 --> 00:57:18,085
Andrea, this is vastly improved.
1059
00:57:18,185 --> 00:57:20,879
Really? I'm going to cry.
1060
00:57:20,979 --> 00:57:23,090
No, really, you've done a good job
1061
00:57:23,190 --> 00:57:27,594
of foreshadowing by starting the script
with the Bat Mitzvah video,
1062
00:57:27,694 --> 00:57:29,346
giving us a hint of the horror to come.
1063
00:57:29,446 --> 00:57:34,052
But, I still think maybe you just need
to define the larger theme of your story.
1064
00:57:35,494 --> 00:57:38,272
What about the idea that you really
have to do everything yourself?
1065
00:57:38,372 --> 00:57:40,520
Because you can never trust caterers.
1066
00:57:41,249 --> 00:57:44,695
Yeah. That might be a tad close
to The Hurt Locker.
1067
00:57:44,795 --> 00:57:47,364
Did you think you could maybe
dig a little deeper?
1068
00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:50,157
I don't think I go that deep.
1069
00:57:51,051 --> 00:57:53,153
That's what everybody
keeps telling me anyways.
1070
00:57:55,097 --> 00:57:58,167
Well, let's prove everybody wrong.
1071
00:58:01,144 --> 00:58:02,370
(INAUDIBLE)
1072
00:58:07,109 --> 00:58:08,760
OK, well here's my thought, Billy,
1073
00:58:08,860 --> 00:58:10,762
and I know how much you love Star Wars,
1074
00:58:10,862 --> 00:58:13,473
but I'm just not sure it's really going
to pass muster to just
1075
00:58:13,573 --> 00:58:16,643
retell those stories
and change some names around.
1076
00:58:17,202 --> 00:58:18,186
I didn't.
1077
00:58:18,286 --> 00:58:21,640
Well, you have a small, wise,
greenish character called Zoda.
1078
00:58:22,499 --> 00:58:24,067
- That's not the same.
- Yes,
1079
00:58:24,167 --> 00:58:27,112
but I just think maybe it'd be good
to let go of your obsessions.
1080
00:58:27,212 --> 00:58:28,313
Do you have other ideas?
1081
00:58:29,047 --> 00:58:32,447
I was thinking about
trying to join a frat.
1082
00:58:32,592 --> 00:58:35,866
Well, that would take care
of your social life, I suppose.
1083
00:58:36,179 --> 00:58:37,205
Uh...
1084
00:58:37,305 --> 00:58:38,907
Anything we could do, writing-wise?
1085
00:58:39,725 --> 00:58:41,327
They're kind of the same thing.
1086
00:58:42,561 --> 00:58:45,422
A lot of nights when
I'm sitting home alone,
1087
00:58:45,522 --> 00:58:48,546
Star Wars is what I look forward to.
1088
00:58:48,984 --> 00:58:52,930
And sometimes I wish it was real
and I could go live in that world.
1089
00:58:53,030 --> 00:58:54,507
So, that's what I write about.
1090
00:58:55,991 --> 00:58:57,559
It's just that somebody
already wrote it.
1091
00:58:58,118 --> 00:59:00,391
Yeah, no, it's bad timing.
1092
00:59:01,121 --> 00:59:03,019
So you think I should do the frat thing?
1093
00:59:03,957 --> 00:59:06,902
Yeah, why not? Expand your horizons.
1094
00:59:07,002 --> 00:59:10,902
Go forth like Luke Skywalker
and find new worlds to conquer.
1095
00:59:11,006 --> 00:59:12,866
(♪ CLASSICAL MUSIC ON SPEAKER)
1096
00:59:12,966 --> 00:59:14,201
- Mr Michaels.
- Rosa.
1097
00:59:14,301 --> 00:59:15,661
Sorry to bother, but...
1098
00:59:15,761 --> 00:59:19,206
That was an awesome class on character
development the other day. Thanks.
1099
00:59:19,306 --> 00:59:21,158
Oh, well, my pleasure, Rosa.
1100
00:59:23,143 --> 00:59:24,244
(JIM SCOFFS)
1101
00:59:24,811 --> 00:59:27,047
You know, I've been
teaching for 25 years,
1102
00:59:27,147 --> 00:59:28,464
nobody's ever thanked me.
1103
00:59:29,274 --> 00:59:30,509
Thank you.
1104
00:59:30,609 --> 00:59:33,178
You're welcome. Ooh, that felt good.
1105
00:59:33,987 --> 00:59:37,766
I've been hearing really good buzz
from the kids on your course, Keith.
1106
00:59:37,866 --> 00:59:41,228
I know Hollywood is calling, but if you
could stay, we'd love to have you.
1107
00:59:41,328 --> 00:59:43,931
KEITH: Well, I appreciate that,
it's very flattering. Thanks.
1108
00:59:44,498 --> 00:59:47,898
I don't think students should
even be allowed to attend these events.
1109
01:00:05,310 --> 01:00:06,962
(♪ FUNKY MUSIC ON STEREO)
1110
01:00:07,062 --> 01:00:09,172
(HOLLY SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
1111
01:00:09,272 --> 01:00:10,674
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
1112
01:00:10,774 --> 01:00:12,968
Oh, you look good doing that.
Watch the hair.
1113
01:00:18,990 --> 01:00:20,467
(HOLLY WHOOPING)
1114
01:00:46,726 --> 01:00:48,999
(MOBILE RINGING)
1115
01:00:52,399 --> 01:00:54,301
- Yes, hello, Ellen.
- Hey.
1116
01:00:54,401 --> 01:00:56,636
- Got the outline. Looks good.
- Excellent.
1117
01:00:56,736 --> 01:00:59,639
I think even an agent of your calibre
should be able to sell it.
1118
01:00:59,739 --> 01:01:03,894
And, I have a script I'd like you to take
a look at by a young man in my class.
1119
01:01:03,994 --> 01:01:04,978
Oh, yeah?
1120
01:01:05,078 --> 01:01:06,813
Yeah. It's called Veronica, Out of Time
1121
01:01:06,913 --> 01:01:09,858
and it's about a kick-ass girl
who gets sucked into a time machine
1122
01:01:09,958 --> 01:01:12,736
and has to fight her way back
through various periods of history.
1123
01:01:12,836 --> 01:01:14,988
Imagine The Matrix meets Gossip Girl.
1124
01:01:15,088 --> 01:01:18,366
- Oh. Hold that. I like that.
- Yeah, me too.
1125
01:01:18,466 --> 01:01:20,660
And if anything happens with it,
I would like to produce.
1126
01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:23,080
Email me the pages.
In the meantime, stay out of trouble.
1127
01:01:23,180 --> 01:01:25,665
I'm in Binghamton.
What trouble could I get into?
1128
01:01:25,765 --> 01:01:26,866
Oh, hang on.
1129
01:01:27,559 --> 01:01:30,162
I think I just discovered how the
rhetorical question was invented.
1130
01:01:31,062 --> 01:01:32,755
- I'll talk to you later.
- Bye.
1131
01:01:34,191 --> 01:01:35,508
Hi.
1132
01:01:35,734 --> 01:01:38,428
I want to discuss our relationship,
if you can call it that.
1133
01:01:38,528 --> 01:01:41,139
Well, exactly,
I am not sure that you can,
1134
01:01:41,239 --> 01:01:43,642
because if your script
is any kind of guide,
1135
01:01:43,742 --> 01:01:46,103
it could be said that any interest
you have in me
1136
01:01:46,203 --> 01:01:49,981
is just a misplaced attempt
to earn the attention
1137
01:01:50,081 --> 01:01:52,855
that you never received
from a remote father figure.
1138
01:01:54,628 --> 01:01:55,900
Jesus.
1139
01:01:56,379 --> 01:01:58,072
I mean, I don't mean to offend.
1140
01:01:58,465 --> 01:02:00,867
(CHUCKLES)
That's unbelievably insightful.
1141
01:02:00,967 --> 01:02:02,990
Well, it was very obvious
to me from your pages.
1142
01:02:03,303 --> 01:02:04,955
And, can I tell you what I think
1143
01:02:05,055 --> 01:02:08,034
is the most significant problem
with your otherwise very promising script?
1144
01:02:08,725 --> 01:02:10,794
Fine. OK, sure, tell me.
1145
01:02:10,894 --> 01:02:16,258
All right. So your father character is rich,
narcissistic, selfish, womanising...
1146
01:02:16,358 --> 01:02:17,467
Yeah, I know. Too unlikeable.
1147
01:02:17,567 --> 01:02:19,636
No, no, no, I loved him. He's fantastic.
1148
01:02:19,736 --> 01:02:22,430
You loved him? That's perverse.
1149
01:02:22,530 --> 01:02:24,891
Well, he's an incredibly
well-drawn character.
1150
01:02:24,991 --> 01:02:27,644
The problem is with the daughter,
she's sort of paper-thin, you know?
1151
01:02:27,744 --> 01:02:30,564
She's a good daughter,
she's a good student.
1152
01:02:30,664 --> 01:02:32,399
There's no flaws,
nothing needs to be fixed.
1153
01:02:32,499 --> 01:02:33,984
So? The father needs to be fixed.
1154
01:02:34,084 --> 01:02:35,652
Which is what makes him
an interesting character.
1155
01:02:35,752 --> 01:02:39,573
And in reaction to that, I think
that maybe the daughter should be...
1156
01:02:39,673 --> 01:02:41,324
(STAMMERS)
1157
01:02:41,424 --> 01:02:44,953
Libidinous, spoiled, sexually manipulative,
you know, more like...
1158
01:02:45,053 --> 01:02:47,414
(STUTTERS)
1159
01:02:47,514 --> 01:02:48,832
So many interesting characters.
1160
01:02:48,932 --> 01:02:50,784
Like me? You were going to say me.
1161
01:02:51,768 --> 01:02:54,087
- Not at all.
- You were looking right at me.
1162
01:02:54,187 --> 01:02:56,464
I was looking in that direction.
1163
01:02:56,564 --> 01:02:58,666
Karen, Karen.
1164
01:02:59,609 --> 01:03:02,721
Listen, listen. I did not mean you.
I did not mean you
1165
01:03:02,821 --> 01:03:06,308
and I really do think that your script
has enormous potential.
1166
01:03:06,408 --> 01:03:08,768
And I really do think
you should go fuck yourself.
1167
01:03:08,868 --> 01:03:11,229
Oh, and bring my weed in.
I left it your house.
1168
01:03:11,329 --> 01:03:15,025
Because after this relationship,
I really need to get baked.
1169
01:03:15,125 --> 01:03:16,477
Oh, uh...
1170
01:03:20,588 --> 01:03:22,073
Office hours.
1171
01:03:22,173 --> 01:03:24,618
There's nothing like one-on-one time
with a student, is there?
1172
01:03:24,718 --> 01:03:25,944
How are you today?
1173
01:03:30,223 --> 01:03:32,626
Hey, are you OK, buddy?
1174
01:03:32,726 --> 01:03:35,462
Uh, I'm not sure.
1175
01:03:35,562 --> 01:03:37,710
Maybe I should go home
and eat the rest of Karen's pot.
1176
01:03:38,064 --> 01:03:39,165
Mmm-mmm.
1177
01:03:39,649 --> 01:03:40,966
I know what you need.
1178
01:03:42,152 --> 01:03:43,845
(♪ BLUES ON SPEAKER)
1179
01:03:44,487 --> 01:03:45,588
Mmm!
1180
01:03:48,241 --> 01:03:49,513
Right?
1181
01:03:49,826 --> 01:03:50,810
Incredible.
1182
01:03:50,910 --> 01:03:53,263
- All we need is a good wine and this is Paris.
- Mmm-hmm.
1183
01:03:54,914 --> 01:03:58,689
Well, since my four daughters
and my wife became vegetarians,
1184
01:03:59,336 --> 01:04:01,780
I'm not allowed to have any meat
in the house, so,
1185
01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:04,529
I'm going to get some pork Spiedies
to go and store them in my office.
1186
01:04:08,762 --> 01:04:11,164
- That's a little bit sad, isn't it?
- What?
1187
01:04:11,264 --> 01:04:14,413
Well, you know,
being henpecked to death like that.
1188
01:04:15,643 --> 01:04:18,292
Are you kidding me?
He's the happiest guy I know.
1189
01:04:19,064 --> 01:04:21,174
At faculty meetings, we bet on how long
1190
01:04:21,274 --> 01:04:24,010
it will take him to cry
when he talks about his family.
1191
01:04:24,110 --> 01:04:25,837
Twenty-five seconds is the record.
1192
01:04:26,279 --> 01:04:27,847
Seriously? Dr Lerner?
1193
01:04:27,947 --> 01:04:31,176
I'm telling you. In a perfect world,
I should be that happy.
1194
01:04:33,787 --> 01:04:37,524
I started seeing this woman, Joan.
1195
01:04:37,624 --> 01:04:40,193
She's an insurance agent
with State Farm.
1196
01:04:40,293 --> 01:04:41,736
She specialises in collision.
1197
01:04:41,961 --> 01:04:42,946
Don't let her go.
1198
01:04:43,046 --> 01:04:44,614
I'm trying not to.
1199
01:04:45,799 --> 01:04:47,151
What's the secret?
1200
01:04:47,759 --> 01:04:48,702
You're asking me?
1201
01:04:48,802 --> 01:04:51,162
I've been divorced for 10 years
and you just caught me in the hall
1202
01:04:51,262 --> 01:04:53,206
being severely berated
by an undergraduate.
1203
01:04:53,306 --> 01:04:57,081
I don't know, my only thought
is that you be yourself.
1204
01:04:59,771 --> 01:05:01,715
- No, that's not going to work.
- No, you're obviously right.
1205
01:05:01,815 --> 01:05:04,509
But in an ideal world,
that's what you hope for, isn't it?
1206
01:05:04,609 --> 01:05:07,554
That you find someone
you can be yourself with, you know?
1207
01:05:07,654 --> 01:05:10,473
Some smart, funny woman
full of fire and honesty,
1208
01:05:10,573 --> 01:05:12,767
who looks great dancing barefoot
1209
01:05:12,867 --> 01:05:15,311
and can obviously
see straight through you.
1210
01:05:16,329 --> 01:05:17,430
Ah.
1211
01:05:18,498 --> 01:05:20,100
Why barefoot?
1212
01:05:21,167 --> 01:05:22,644
I enjoy feet.
1213
01:05:24,879 --> 01:05:26,071
Hey.
1214
01:05:26,589 --> 01:05:29,909
So, Harold, you don't happen to have
any pictures of your family, do you?
1215
01:05:30,009 --> 01:05:32,453
Oh, I don't know, maybe. I might.
1216
01:05:34,639 --> 01:05:36,458
A-ha, Look at that.
1217
01:05:36,558 --> 01:05:37,917
DR LERNER: My wife, Helen.
1218
01:05:38,017 --> 01:05:41,880
And that's Kate, Rosalind, Olivia
1219
01:05:41,980 --> 01:05:44,128
and the little one is Beatrice.
1220
01:05:44,315 --> 01:05:45,467
That Beatrice.
1221
01:05:45,567 --> 01:05:47,802
She's got a mischievous glint
in her eye, doesn't she?
1222
01:05:47,902 --> 01:05:49,424
Yeah. Unbelievable.
1223
01:05:53,199 --> 01:05:54,684
(VOICE BREAKING) I forgot napkins.
1224
01:05:54,784 --> 01:05:57,979
- (WATCH BEEPS)
- OK, 33 seconds. Solid time.
1225
01:06:02,208 --> 01:06:03,485
- So, this is funny.
- Hmm?
1226
01:06:03,585 --> 01:06:05,028
- It's engaging.
- Uh-huh?
1227
01:06:05,128 --> 01:06:08,156
My only thing is I'm just a
little confused about Jack,
1228
01:06:08,256 --> 01:06:11,284
this conservative, older banker
who is now dating Peggy.
1229
01:06:11,384 --> 01:06:12,494
Oh, what's wrong with him?
1230
01:06:12,594 --> 01:06:14,621
Well, he's a bit dull
for Peggy, isn't he?
1231
01:06:14,721 --> 01:06:18,666
(STUTTERS) No, Jack's steady.
He's from Peggy's hometown.
1232
01:06:18,766 --> 01:06:19,751
He'd be a great stepfather.
1233
01:06:19,851 --> 01:06:22,295
Yeah, but Peggy doesn't love Jack.
1234
01:06:22,395 --> 01:06:24,339
Mmm, maybe not, but Peggy can learn to.
1235
01:06:24,439 --> 01:06:25,924
Ah, yes, of course,
if Peggy puts her mind to it.
1236
01:06:26,024 --> 01:06:27,175
Stupid of me, yes.
1237
01:06:27,275 --> 01:06:29,177
And, you know,
Jerry's not such a bad egg.
1238
01:06:29,277 --> 01:06:30,678
Wait, wait, stop, stop, stop.
1239
01:06:30,778 --> 01:06:32,050
Who's Jerry?
1240
01:06:33,072 --> 01:06:34,389
Does Jack know about Jerry?
1241
01:06:35,241 --> 01:06:37,719
No. Jack is Jerry.
1242
01:06:39,329 --> 01:06:40,939
- Jack is Jerry.
- Jack is Jerry.
1243
01:06:41,039 --> 01:06:43,108
Oh, so Jerry is a man you are seeing.
1244
01:06:43,208 --> 01:06:45,735
Yes. And that's why the character
should work.
1245
01:06:45,835 --> 01:06:48,780
Because I'm writing from real life.
I'm writing what I know.
1246
01:06:48,880 --> 01:06:50,365
Isn't that what you're supposed to do?
1247
01:06:50,465 --> 01:06:51,950
Not at all, no, no. That's absurd.
1248
01:06:52,050 --> 01:06:55,700
I mean, for a start, what if you're like me,
what if you don't know anything?
1249
01:06:56,429 --> 01:06:58,873
But, you're writing your Matt Damon movie
about being a teacher now
1250
01:06:58,973 --> 01:07:01,459
and you wrote about your son
and that worked out.
1251
01:07:01,559 --> 01:07:04,708
Yeah, that's debatable seeing as we
haven't actually spoken in over a year.
1252
01:07:05,355 --> 01:07:07,173
But Jack, or should I say Jerry...
1253
01:07:07,273 --> 01:07:09,171
You haven't spoken
to your son in a year?
1254
01:07:09,609 --> 01:07:13,555
Well it's not a big deal, it's just
that after his mother remarried,
1255
01:07:13,655 --> 01:07:16,133
we sort of saw less and less
of each other, so...
1256
01:07:16,366 --> 01:07:20,061
Cos when you spoke about him in class,
your whole face lit up.
1257
01:07:20,453 --> 01:07:22,188
Yeah, well, I was very fond of him.
1258
01:07:22,288 --> 01:07:23,935
And now you're not?
1259
01:07:28,253 --> 01:07:32,365
There is no adulation
like Hollywood adulation, you know?
1260
01:07:32,465 --> 01:07:36,619
People that you have only seen in magazines
tell you that they love you
1261
01:07:36,719 --> 01:07:39,914
and they want to be your friend.
And it's magical.
1262
01:07:40,014 --> 01:07:43,251
Until your next film is not as good
and the one after that even less so.
1263
01:07:43,351 --> 01:07:47,088
And suddenly,
your confidence is shattered
1264
01:07:47,188 --> 01:07:51,418
and your wife leaves you for the man
who directed your one hit.
1265
01:07:52,694 --> 01:07:54,842
The guy who directed Paradise Misplaced?
1266
01:07:55,321 --> 01:07:56,973
- Niles Kelling.
- Oh, God.
1267
01:07:57,073 --> 01:07:58,600
He's big. Hit after hit.
1268
01:07:58,700 --> 01:07:59,726
Yeah, thank you very much.
1269
01:07:59,826 --> 01:08:02,645
And, as I was drinking a bit too much
1270
01:08:02,745 --> 01:08:05,398
and dating actresses
young enough to believe
1271
01:08:05,498 --> 01:08:07,859
that a writer could get them a job,
1272
01:08:07,959 --> 01:08:10,778
I sort of stopped calling Alex.
1273
01:08:12,171 --> 01:08:15,946
Because you think he feels about you
the way you feel about you?
1274
01:08:16,926 --> 01:08:19,204
Yup, yup, yup.
And really, why wouldn't he?
1275
01:08:19,304 --> 01:08:22,540
You know, cos he's with his mother
and stepfather
1276
01:08:22,640 --> 01:08:24,542
flying to Hawaii on a private jet
1277
01:08:24,642 --> 01:08:28,542
while Dad is being rejected
for a rewrite of Piranha 3D.
1278
01:08:29,689 --> 01:08:31,757
And is not being a great dad anyway.
1279
01:08:33,026 --> 01:08:36,096
"As long as you're alive,
you can forgive and be forgiven.
1280
01:08:36,362 --> 01:08:38,931
"Once you're dead,
it gets significantly harder."
1281
01:08:39,907 --> 01:08:43,603
That's from Paradise Misplaced.
My favourite movie.
1282
01:08:43,703 --> 01:08:46,064
One of them anyway. Top five.
1283
01:08:46,164 --> 01:08:47,356
Definitely top 10.
1284
01:08:49,000 --> 01:08:50,317
I'm very worried about your taste.
1285
01:08:50,668 --> 01:08:51,815
Top 20.
1286
01:08:53,129 --> 01:08:54,276
Call your son.
1287
01:08:55,381 --> 01:08:56,653
Really?
1288
01:08:57,216 --> 01:08:58,488
Really.
1289
01:09:03,598 --> 01:09:05,959
Is it so bad, where you're from?
1290
01:09:06,059 --> 01:09:07,456
I thought so, Pop.
1291
01:09:08,061 --> 01:09:10,209
I've been living at a dead run
and I was tired.
1292
01:09:11,064 --> 01:09:12,962
And one day I knew
I had to come back here.
1293
01:09:13,441 --> 01:09:15,760
Had to come back
and get on the merry-go-round
1294
01:09:15,860 --> 01:09:19,180
and eat cotton candy
and listen to a band concert.
1295
01:09:19,656 --> 01:09:22,134
Had to stop and breathe.
1296
01:09:23,534 --> 01:09:26,104
Maybe when you go back, Martin,
1297
01:09:26,204 --> 01:09:29,729
you'll find that there are merry-go-rounds
and band concerts where you are.
1298
01:09:30,124 --> 01:09:32,022
Maybe you haven't been looking
in the right place.
1299
01:09:33,211 --> 01:09:34,688
You've been looking behind you, Martin.
1300
01:09:35,421 --> 01:09:37,194
Try looking ahead.
1301
01:09:58,778 --> 01:10:00,013
(ON VOICEMAIL) Hey, this is Alex.
1302
01:10:00,113 --> 01:10:01,889
Leave a message and I'll call you back.
1303
01:10:01,989 --> 01:10:03,641
Hello, there.
1304
01:10:03,741 --> 01:10:05,143
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
1305
01:10:05,243 --> 01:10:08,938
I'm not sure if you recognise
this voice any more, but, uh...
1306
01:10:10,081 --> 01:10:12,525
It's me, um...
1307
01:10:13,334 --> 01:10:16,821
Your father. Wanting to say hi.
1308
01:10:16,921 --> 01:10:20,195
Wanting to check up on you,
make sure you're OK.
1309
01:10:21,008 --> 01:10:22,655
Wanting to say, um...
1310
01:10:24,387 --> 01:10:27,874
Uh, I love you and I miss you...
1311
01:10:27,974 --> 01:10:31,836
And, uh, it would be great
1312
01:10:31,936 --> 01:10:34,881
if you had the inclination to call me.
1313
01:10:34,981 --> 01:10:37,004
I'm on the same number.
1314
01:10:38,276 --> 01:10:39,636
Uh...
1315
01:10:39,736 --> 01:10:42,305
That's probably it.
1316
01:10:42,405 --> 01:10:45,141
OK. OK. It's your dad.
1317
01:10:45,241 --> 01:10:46,433
(CHUCKLES)
1318
01:10:51,038 --> 01:10:52,765
(SIGHS)
1319
01:10:56,836 --> 01:10:58,738
- MAN: Hey, Keith.
- Hey.
1320
01:10:58,838 --> 01:11:00,440
(MOBILE CHIMES)
1321
01:11:02,842 --> 01:11:04,410
DR LERNER:
Keith, here's why I texted you.
1322
01:11:04,510 --> 01:11:07,664
Professor Weldon claims that
based on what she witnessed,
1323
01:11:07,764 --> 01:11:12,752
you have been carrying on "an inappropriate
relationship with a female student."
1324
01:11:12,852 --> 01:11:15,088
(GROANS)
1325
01:11:15,188 --> 01:11:19,175
Now, if you just
go away quietly, it'll be fine.
1326
01:11:19,275 --> 01:11:22,553
Otherwise, she'll take it to the Ethics
Committee and there will be a hearing.
1327
01:11:22,653 --> 01:11:24,721
And would that be a public hearing?
1328
01:11:25,114 --> 01:11:27,934
- Behind closed doors.
- Well, thank God for that.
1329
01:11:28,034 --> 01:11:30,262
But they usually
wind up on the Internet.
1330
01:11:30,578 --> 01:11:32,055
What is wrong with that woman?
1331
01:11:32,288 --> 01:11:35,900
Weldon? She's elitist,
lonely, miserable...
1332
01:11:36,000 --> 01:11:38,102
(EXHALES) And in this case, right.
1333
01:11:40,338 --> 01:11:43,449
My oldest daughter is going
off to college this fall.
1334
01:11:43,549 --> 01:11:48,155
And if this happened to her,
I'd come after you. And I'd be armed.
1335
01:11:48,387 --> 01:11:50,790
I was sort of hoping
you were pro-gun control.
1336
01:11:50,890 --> 01:11:54,494
Well, I was a Marine,
so I could kill you with my bare hands.
1337
01:11:55,269 --> 01:11:59,298
A sharp blow to the Adam's apple.
Knuckle heart punch. Malaysian choke hold.
1338
01:11:59,398 --> 01:12:01,759
I wouldn't, you know,
because I like you.
1339
01:12:01,859 --> 01:12:03,803
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
1340
01:12:03,903 --> 01:12:04,887
(SIGHS)
1341
01:12:04,987 --> 01:12:07,089
But, Keith, you made a mistake here.
1342
01:12:07,323 --> 01:12:08,675
Yeah.
1343
01:12:12,787 --> 01:12:15,732
KEITH ON PHONE: Hey, there. Any news
on the outline? It has been a few days.
1344
01:12:15,832 --> 01:12:16,899
ELLEN: Listen, Keith.
1345
01:12:16,999 --> 01:12:20,862
The studio is planning to do
Paradise Misplaced Two.
1346
01:12:20,962 --> 01:12:23,861
But, they want those guys
Furman and Lesser to write it.
1347
01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:29,328
Why, what...
1348
01:12:29,428 --> 01:12:31,247
Wait, wait, wait. Maybe,
1349
01:12:31,347 --> 01:12:35,001
maybe they just want to hire these guys
because they think I'm not interested?
1350
01:12:35,101 --> 01:12:36,794
No, no, no. I told them
that you were interested.
1351
01:12:36,894 --> 01:12:40,465
But they said they're looking
for a fresh perspective. A new voice...
1352
01:12:40,565 --> 01:12:43,176
You know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
1353
01:12:43,276 --> 01:12:46,471
But look, you do have a roof over your head
and you have some money coming in...
1354
01:12:46,571 --> 01:12:48,347
And you must be teaching
those kids something
1355
01:12:48,447 --> 01:12:52,723
because I love that script you sent me
from that boy in your class.
1356
01:12:53,536 --> 01:12:57,440
That's good. You should call him.
You should call him and tell him.
1357
01:12:57,540 --> 01:12:59,275
You sure that's OK?
1358
01:12:59,375 --> 01:13:02,945
Yeah. I'm glad someone's
career is alive.
1359
01:13:03,045 --> 01:13:07,325
Your career is alive.
It's just, you know, dormant right now.
1360
01:13:07,425 --> 01:13:09,202
Just hang in. All right?
1361
01:13:09,302 --> 01:13:11,245
Yeah. OK. Yeah.
1362
01:13:11,512 --> 01:13:13,080
Bye.
1363
01:13:14,891 --> 01:13:15,992
(SIGHS)
1364
01:13:21,188 --> 01:13:22,414
(SCOFFS)
1365
01:13:24,233 --> 01:13:26,756
(CONVERSING INDISTINCTLY)
1366
01:13:41,459 --> 01:13:42,568
Walt Disney?
1367
01:13:42,668 --> 01:13:44,403
I actually think he is a genius.
1368
01:13:44,503 --> 01:13:47,740
- I agree.
- I love The Little Mermaid.
1369
01:13:47,840 --> 01:13:52,370
The music, the songs, the bubbles?
And Prince Eric was totally hot.
1370
01:13:52,470 --> 01:13:53,496
Please. Stop.
1371
01:13:53,596 --> 01:13:55,581
ROSA: Why do there have to be
all these distinctions?
1372
01:13:55,681 --> 01:13:58,793
Why can't you like 101 Dalmatians
and Reservoir Dogs?
1373
01:13:58,893 --> 01:14:01,792
Exactly. Fantastic point, Rosa.
1374
01:14:04,982 --> 01:14:08,427
Mr Michaels, do you think you can
mention Disney in the same breath
1375
01:14:08,527 --> 01:14:11,639
as Tarantino, Kurosawa or Bergman?
1376
01:14:11,739 --> 01:14:14,433
Well, you just did, Sara. So, yes.
1377
01:14:14,533 --> 01:14:17,186
- And what's the difference?
- Sorry?
1378
01:14:17,286 --> 01:14:22,275
Well, Disney, Kurosawa, they're dead.
(CHUCKLES)
1379
01:14:22,375 --> 01:14:26,400
I mean, great art didn't save them, did it?
They're gone. They're forgotten.
1380
01:14:27,546 --> 01:14:29,990
Does anyone still watch Bambi?
1381
01:14:30,424 --> 01:14:33,786
Kurosawa. I think most people
would say that's sushi.
1382
01:14:33,886 --> 01:14:37,411
Bergman. I will give you $100 if anyone
here can name three of his movies.
1383
01:14:37,556 --> 01:14:40,251
- Wild Strawberries.
- The Seventh Seal, Persona.
1384
01:14:40,351 --> 01:14:42,253
KEITH: Yeah, well. Apart from you two.
1385
01:14:42,353 --> 01:14:45,631
You know, it all fades.
It all turns to dust.
1386
01:14:45,731 --> 01:14:49,218
It's very hard to know why any of you
would want to do this in the first place,
1387
01:14:49,318 --> 01:14:52,889
because you will be rewritten,
discarded, fired, forgotten.
1388
01:14:52,989 --> 01:14:54,849
That's if you're lucky enough
to work in the first place.
1389
01:14:54,949 --> 01:15:00,980
So don't be under any illusion that this
will bring you immortality. Or happiness.
1390
01:15:01,080 --> 01:15:03,683
Perhaps it's better not to even try.
1391
01:15:06,961 --> 01:15:12,233
(IMITATING YODA) Try not.
Do or do not. There is no "try".
1392
01:15:13,926 --> 01:15:16,662
Thank you, Billy. Thank you.
1393
01:15:16,762 --> 01:15:20,332
Excellent shirt, by the way.
I think that may be my favourite so far.
1394
01:15:25,980 --> 01:15:29,550
HOLLY: So one Scotch, and one...
1395
01:15:33,404 --> 01:15:34,801
Hi.
1396
01:15:36,198 --> 01:15:38,851
- Hey.
- Hey. You here for dinner?
1397
01:15:38,951 --> 01:15:42,396
- No. No, I had a Spiedie earlier.
- Sorry to hear that.
1398
01:15:43,956 --> 01:15:46,484
Um, no. I just wanted
to tell you something
1399
01:15:46,584 --> 01:15:49,570
and I didn't want you to hear it
in front of the whole class.
1400
01:15:49,670 --> 01:15:51,155
Weldon knows about Karen.
1401
01:15:51,255 --> 01:15:54,985
She's gonna put me in front of
the Ethics Committee, unless I leave.
1402
01:15:55,926 --> 01:15:58,329
Whoa. Uh...
1403
01:15:58,429 --> 01:16:00,539
- What are you going to do?
- I don't think I have a choice.
1404
01:16:00,639 --> 01:16:04,085
There'd be a hearing, it would inevitably
go public and everyone in LA would know.
1405
01:16:04,185 --> 01:16:07,380
- Not that they care, but then...
- And then your son would find out.
1406
01:16:07,480 --> 01:16:08,714
Exactly. Yeah.
1407
01:16:08,814 --> 01:16:10,800
Well, do you want to stay?
1408
01:16:10,900 --> 01:16:13,128
- The issue is whether I can stay.
- Yes.
1409
01:16:13,277 --> 01:16:15,471
- First, you gotta go to Weldon.
- And say what?
1410
01:16:15,571 --> 01:16:19,058
I've already bought her every Jane Austen
gift short of a "Hello, Mr Darcy" thong.
1411
01:16:19,158 --> 01:16:22,561
You tell her that you did an incredibly
stupid thing. Which it was.
1412
01:16:22,661 --> 01:16:24,772
Yes, yes. I think we've already
covered that ground very well.
1413
01:16:24,872 --> 01:16:27,900
And then you tell her that you didn't
know that it was against school rules
1414
01:16:28,000 --> 01:16:31,821
and that she was over 21,
according to her (FAKE COUGHS) fake ID.
1415
01:16:31,921 --> 01:16:33,197
Yes, fair point. Yes.
1416
01:16:33,297 --> 01:16:34,991
And then you tell her how sorry you are.
1417
01:16:35,091 --> 01:16:38,369
Do you think that's really going to work with
a woman who practically wears a bonnet?
1418
01:16:38,469 --> 01:16:40,287
I think it's worth a shot.
1419
01:16:44,016 --> 01:16:48,087
Here you are. I'll be right back
for your dinner order.
1420
01:16:52,358 --> 01:16:54,635
I think I should just go quietly.
1421
01:16:54,735 --> 01:16:55,927
Huh!
1422
01:16:56,695 --> 01:16:59,473
OK. Whatever you want.
1423
01:16:59,573 --> 01:17:02,268
I guess that it will give you more time
to work on your Matt Damon movie.
1424
01:17:02,368 --> 01:17:06,689
Oh, Lord, no.
Look, there is no Matt Damon movie.
1425
01:17:06,789 --> 01:17:10,735
- What? So, all that was just...
- It was a lie. It was a lie.
1426
01:17:10,835 --> 01:17:12,862
Yeah. I'm sorry.
There's no movie at all.
1427
01:17:12,962 --> 01:17:17,450
As a matter of fact, the only reason
I'm here is because I can't get a job.
1428
01:17:17,550 --> 01:17:19,535
But you do have a job.
1429
01:17:19,635 --> 01:17:22,121
You mean teaching? Well, yeah.
Number one, I'm no good at it,
1430
01:17:22,221 --> 01:17:25,249
and number two,
I don't have it any more, so...
1431
01:17:25,349 --> 01:17:27,960
But you don't know that
until you go to Weldon.
1432
01:17:28,060 --> 01:17:30,880
Holly, I wish I shared your faith that
if you just push yourself hard enough,
1433
01:17:30,980 --> 01:17:32,548
everything will work out.
1434
01:17:32,648 --> 01:17:37,720
It's very American, like country music,
or, I don't know, obesity. But it's not true.
1435
01:17:37,820 --> 01:17:40,264
You know, it won't make anyone talented,
1436
01:17:40,364 --> 01:17:42,558
it won't get me a job,
and it won't make my son call me.
1437
01:17:42,658 --> 01:17:46,353
I don't understand. Why are you reducing me
to some kind of optimism machine?
1438
01:17:46,453 --> 01:17:49,398
You think I wake up in a motivational video?
This is what I believe.
1439
01:17:49,498 --> 01:17:51,525
I believe what I believe.
This is what I'm teaching my girls.
1440
01:17:51,625 --> 01:17:53,569
Oh, really, and how are you
teaching them that?
1441
01:17:53,669 --> 01:17:56,363
By contemplating marrying someone
because he's steady and secure?
1442
01:17:56,463 --> 01:17:58,824
I don't understand. So now,
you're giving me parenting advice?
1443
01:17:58,924 --> 01:18:01,368
- If you like to dish it out...
- I thought you wanted to talk this through.
1444
01:18:01,468 --> 01:18:03,496
I don't understand.
What is going on with you?
1445
01:18:03,596 --> 01:18:05,869
- Miss? We're ready to order now.
- KEITH: I'm just saying...
1446
01:18:08,267 --> 01:18:09,914
Be right there.
1447
01:18:12,229 --> 01:18:13,581
Watch it!
1448
01:18:17,735 --> 01:18:21,305
KEITH: Well, listen. You've got to
get me something. Anything. A rewrite...
1449
01:18:21,405 --> 01:18:25,851
I'll work on reality TV
as a writer or a contestant.
1450
01:18:25,951 --> 01:18:29,063
ELLEN: Keith, I'm really sorry.
It's hard times out here.
1451
01:18:29,163 --> 01:18:30,523
- (SIREN WAILING)
- It's not just you, either. It's...
1452
01:18:30,623 --> 01:18:34,478
Wait a minute. There's some kind of
riot going on. I'll call you back.
1453
01:18:34,752 --> 01:18:36,487
MAN 1: Dude, not cool, man.
1454
01:18:36,587 --> 01:18:37,696
WOMAN: Is the party over?
1455
01:18:37,796 --> 01:18:41,617
- Mr Michaels.
- Sara, what's all the ruckus?
1456
01:18:41,717 --> 01:18:46,038
I don't know. I was coming to the party
and I saw cops and paramedics...
1457
01:18:46,138 --> 01:18:48,207
I wasn't going to drink.
1458
01:18:48,307 --> 01:18:50,668
Oh, It's fine, Sara.
If anyone needs one, it's you.
1459
01:18:50,768 --> 01:18:52,378
- PARAMEDIC: All right, people! Clear the way!
- Oh, my God!
1460
01:18:52,478 --> 01:18:54,130
- MAN 2: Is he gonna be OK?
- SARA: It's Billy.
1461
01:18:54,230 --> 01:18:56,549
Excuse me. What's going on?
1462
01:18:56,649 --> 01:19:00,094
PARAMEDIC: Some hazing thing,
made him drink a half a bottle of vodka.
1463
01:19:00,194 --> 01:19:03,218
- He'll probably be OK.
- MAN 3: He should join a sorority.
1464
01:19:17,586 --> 01:19:20,940
All right, there are easier ways to get out
of finishing your third act, you know.
1465
01:19:21,340 --> 01:19:22,942
Mr Michaels.
1466
01:19:23,175 --> 01:19:24,493
Hey.
1467
01:19:24,593 --> 01:19:30,082
Those guys just kept saying
"One more, Obi-Wan, one more."
1468
01:19:30,182 --> 01:19:33,627
They didn't want me in the frat.
I'm such an idiot.
1469
01:19:33,894 --> 01:19:37,923
No, you are not an idiot, Billy.
You're, you know, you're weird.
1470
01:19:38,023 --> 01:19:40,501
But half the successful people
in Hollywood are weird.
1471
01:19:41,694 --> 01:19:45,764
Talking of which, I was thinking
about your screenplay, and I think
1472
01:19:45,864 --> 01:19:50,060
if you love Star Wars, write Star Wars.
1473
01:19:50,160 --> 01:19:54,436
But just give it a little twist, you know?
For example, bad version...
1474
01:19:54,832 --> 01:19:59,737
College guy who's obsessed with Star Wars
meets a similarly-obsessed Star Wars girl.
1475
01:19:59,837 --> 01:20:02,364
Uh... Did you ever see
a film called Marty?
1476
01:20:02,464 --> 01:20:04,825
OK, I think you could
write a story like that.
1477
01:20:04,925 --> 01:20:06,952
- In fact, I think that could be...
- WOMAN: Billy, honey?
1478
01:20:07,052 --> 01:20:08,621
Mom, Dad.
1479
01:20:08,721 --> 01:20:11,574
Hi. I'm Keith Michaels.
I'm a teacher. I teach Billy.
1480
01:20:11,932 --> 01:20:15,127
- And I'll give you your privacy. Yeah?
- Thank you.
1481
01:20:17,396 --> 01:20:19,506
- DAD: Billy...
- MOM: Are you OK?
1482
01:20:19,606 --> 01:20:22,301
- Yeah, I'm fine, Mom.
- MOM: I'm so happy you're OK.
1483
01:20:22,401 --> 01:20:25,054
DAD: You really had your mother worried,
I'll tell you that much.
1484
01:20:25,154 --> 01:20:26,847
BILLY: Sorry about that.
1485
01:20:59,605 --> 01:21:01,548
(CONVERSING INDISTINCTLY)
1486
01:21:06,612 --> 01:21:08,714
Afternoon. Hello.
1487
01:21:11,325 --> 01:21:12,351
So...
1488
01:21:12,451 --> 01:21:14,224
Sara told us what you did for Billy.
1489
01:21:14,745 --> 01:21:16,105
Oh, I didn't do anything.
1490
01:21:16,205 --> 01:21:17,940
The guys at that frat are such jerks.
1491
01:21:18,040 --> 01:21:21,314
We're all gonna go visit Billy
this afternoon, if you'd like to come.
1492
01:21:22,252 --> 01:21:27,404
I would, Rosa. Um, but...
I actually have to leave town today.
1493
01:21:28,092 --> 01:21:30,286
As it turns out, unfortunately...
1494
01:21:30,386 --> 01:21:33,490
I am not gonna be able
to finish the rest of this semester.
1495
01:21:35,224 --> 01:21:36,500
But...
1496
01:21:36,600 --> 01:21:40,129
I've spoken to Dr Lerner, and Clara Foss,
the renowned poet, will be taking over.
1497
01:21:40,229 --> 01:21:41,672
So you'll be in good hands.
1498
01:21:41,814 --> 01:21:43,632
Well, what about our screenplays?
1499
01:21:44,149 --> 01:21:47,628
I am sorry, not to be able to finish
your third acts with you.
1500
01:21:47,986 --> 01:21:51,590
And I owe you an apology
for our last meeting. You know...
1501
01:21:52,157 --> 01:21:56,808
What I was saying about
writing being meaningless, uh...
1502
01:21:57,788 --> 01:21:58,889
(CHUCKLES)
1503
01:22:01,125 --> 01:22:04,278
In a movie that I wrote
many years ago...
1504
01:22:04,378 --> 01:22:08,782
An 11-year-old girl finds herself
an angel in Heaven, and she's...
1505
01:22:08,882 --> 01:22:12,536
Understandably bereaved,
missing her family and her friends
1506
01:22:12,636 --> 01:22:14,621
and all the life she'll never have.
1507
01:22:14,721 --> 01:22:19,209
But an older angel tells her that 11 is
actually a wonderful age to be in Heaven.
1508
01:22:19,309 --> 01:22:24,465
Because at 11, everything you
love and hate really stays true
1509
01:22:24,565 --> 01:22:30,513
while mortal life is a long, losing struggle
not to compromise those feelings.
1510
01:22:31,238 --> 01:22:37,269
I think that's a bit the case with writing.
It's our 11-year-old selves saying,
1511
01:22:37,369 --> 01:22:40,272
"Yes, that's funny",
or "no, that's stupid".
1512
01:22:40,372 --> 01:22:43,692
You know, Sara may come at it from
one direction, Andrea, from another.
1513
01:22:43,792 --> 01:22:46,362
But it's real.
1514
01:22:46,462 --> 01:22:48,405
And true.
1515
01:22:50,883 --> 01:22:53,786
Anyway, I wanted to say thank you all.
1516
01:22:53,886 --> 01:22:57,456
It's been an honour and a privilege.
1517
01:23:22,539 --> 01:23:24,650
I can't wait to see
the Matt Damon movie.
1518
01:23:24,750 --> 01:23:27,524
Thanks. Yeah. Thank you, Flo.
1519
01:23:29,254 --> 01:23:30,864
I really enjoyed your class.
1520
01:23:30,964 --> 01:23:33,032
Thank you, Rosa. Thanks.
1521
01:23:34,092 --> 01:23:35,910
(QUIETLY) I've really enjoyed the class.
1522
01:23:37,179 --> 01:23:39,998
- She enjoyed the class.
- That was nice. Thank you, Rachel.
1523
01:23:40,098 --> 01:23:42,166
And thank you, Maya, for translating.
1524
01:23:42,684 --> 01:23:44,912
You helped me find my voice.
1525
01:23:47,064 --> 01:23:48,541
I'll never forgive you.
1526
01:23:50,442 --> 01:23:53,170
Here's your rewrite. Read it in hell.
1527
01:23:55,405 --> 01:23:59,351
Mr Michaels...
I don't know how to thank you.
1528
01:23:59,785 --> 01:24:02,020
Thank you, Clem.
1529
01:24:02,120 --> 01:24:04,348
You've made me quite jealous. (CHUCKLES)
1530
01:24:05,958 --> 01:24:08,060
Brilliant. Brilliant.
1531
01:24:10,796 --> 01:24:11,988
So...
1532
01:24:13,799 --> 01:24:15,534
- Now, listen...
- Good luck.
1533
01:24:15,634 --> 01:24:17,077
Write.
1534
01:24:17,344 --> 01:24:19,079
No, I definitely will. Or email.
1535
01:24:19,179 --> 01:24:21,873
I meant a script.
I need something to watch with my girls.
1536
01:24:22,057 --> 01:24:23,329
Right.
1537
01:24:23,725 --> 01:24:26,044
I loved the class.
1538
01:24:26,144 --> 01:24:28,997
And you can teach, because I got better.
1539
01:24:29,648 --> 01:24:32,593
- (MOBILE RINGING)
- Yeah. Look, just... Sorry. Hold on, one...
1540
01:24:32,693 --> 01:24:34,340
I have a class.
1541
01:24:43,453 --> 01:24:45,898
I meant to tell you never to call again
unless it was good news.
1542
01:24:45,998 --> 01:24:49,401
Wish granted.
Paragon wants to buy Clem's script.
1543
01:24:49,501 --> 01:24:51,695
I spoke to Jenny Glick
and Greg Nathan this morning.
1544
01:24:51,878 --> 01:24:54,948
The same people who love me
and are huge, huge fans
1545
01:24:55,048 --> 01:24:57,075
and rejected me from the sequel
to my own movie?
1546
01:24:57,175 --> 01:25:00,454
I know. But they love this. And I told
them if they want it, you're producing.
1547
01:25:00,554 --> 01:25:01,872
And they said?
1548
01:25:01,972 --> 01:25:03,457
Well, they want David Shore
to executive produce,
1549
01:25:03,557 --> 01:25:04,583
but they're going to give you a credit
1550
01:25:04,683 --> 01:25:06,793
and enough money to get you back home.
Greg is...
1551
01:25:06,893 --> 01:25:08,378
- Shh!
- (WHISPERS) I'm sorry.
1552
01:25:08,478 --> 01:25:10,923
Greg and Jenny are going to be
at a premiere in Manhattan tonight,
1553
01:25:11,023 --> 01:25:13,091
and they want to meet Clem. And you.
1554
01:25:13,525 --> 01:25:14,968
Get back to LA as soon as you can
1555
01:25:15,068 --> 01:25:16,762
so that we can ride this credit,
1556
01:25:16,862 --> 01:25:18,885
- set up some meetings. Right? I'll...
- Shh!
1557
01:25:20,282 --> 01:25:22,134
- Congratulations.
- Yeah.
1558
01:25:23,535 --> 01:25:25,353
Fantastic. (CHUCKLES)
1559
01:25:45,849 --> 01:25:46,917
I hope you have a good trip.
1560
01:25:47,017 --> 01:25:49,044
Thanks. And thanks again for everything.
1561
01:25:49,144 --> 01:25:52,005
Well, hold on.
You're not getting away that easy.
1562
01:25:52,105 --> 01:25:53,590
Get over here.
1563
01:25:53,690 --> 01:25:54,675
Oh.
1564
01:25:54,775 --> 01:25:56,172
Oh, God.
1565
01:26:46,451 --> 01:26:48,519
GREG:
So, Clem, tell us how this happened.
1566
01:26:49,037 --> 01:26:52,816
There was a screenwriting seminar,
so I submitted some pages.
1567
01:26:52,916 --> 01:26:54,568
You had already written the whole thing?
1568
01:26:54,668 --> 01:26:57,237
Well, I had a draft
and Mr Michaels asked to see it.
1569
01:26:57,337 --> 01:26:59,364
He brought the script
to a whole other level.
1570
01:26:59,464 --> 01:27:03,702
- I'm sure. We love Keith.
- Huge, huge, fans.
1571
01:27:03,802 --> 01:27:06,121
So tell us a little bit about
how this idea came into being.
1572
01:27:06,221 --> 01:27:08,373
I don't know where the ideas
come from, usually.
1573
01:27:08,473 --> 01:27:11,209
And, I wanted to write something fresh,
something different that...
1574
01:27:11,309 --> 01:27:13,128
- It is fresh. It is different.
- It's just a fresh voice.
1575
01:27:13,228 --> 01:27:14,796
It's a fresh voice.
And if we can get a Fanning sister...
1576
01:27:14,896 --> 01:27:16,798
- Do they have a young sister?
- Excuse me. Can I get the butter?
1577
01:27:16,898 --> 01:27:18,800
CLEM: It started a few years ago now,
already, I think.
1578
01:27:18,900 --> 01:27:19,968
- GREG: Nice.
- CLEM: Almost three years ago. Yeah.
1579
01:27:20,068 --> 01:27:22,304
So I was watching the History Channel
and there's a special
1580
01:27:22,404 --> 01:27:25,682
on the history of the world,
or modern civilisation...
1581
01:27:25,782 --> 01:27:29,478
And I was watching it
and I just found it so interesting
1582
01:27:29,578 --> 01:27:32,606
how, you know, the natural progression
of things, and how everything just seemed
1583
01:27:32,706 --> 01:27:34,066
to link perfectly together.
1584
01:27:34,166 --> 01:27:36,276
GREG: (ECHOING) Because we like
this story, we like the protagonist.
1585
01:27:36,376 --> 01:27:37,361
A female protagonist?
1586
01:27:37,461 --> 01:27:39,237
JENNY: (ECHOING) It's exactly what
we've both been looking...
1587
01:27:39,337 --> 01:27:41,365
- GREG: It's exactly what we need.
- JENNY: It's what the world needs.
1588
01:27:41,465 --> 01:27:43,867
JENNY: Edgy comedies with
a kick-ass-type woman.
1589
01:27:43,967 --> 01:27:46,036
- JENNY: Huge, huge fans.
- GREG: We love Keith.
1590
01:27:46,136 --> 01:27:48,163
Or into time, sure. Other time periods.
1591
01:27:48,263 --> 01:27:49,748
- JENNY: Huge, huge fans.
- GREG: Technology.
1592
01:27:49,848 --> 01:27:50,874
JENNY: It's really incredible...
1593
01:27:50,974 --> 01:27:52,417
Sorry, guys, excuse me.
1594
01:27:52,517 --> 01:27:54,995
Can I have a quick moment with Clem?
1595
01:27:55,562 --> 01:27:59,792
- Little story conference?
- Kind of, yeah. Come on. Come here.
1596
01:28:00,066 --> 01:28:01,588
- Excuse me.
- Sure.
1597
01:28:07,532 --> 01:28:09,184
You're doing brilliantly.
1598
01:28:09,284 --> 01:28:12,938
So brilliantly that I am going to leave you
to finish the meeting on your own.
1599
01:28:13,038 --> 01:28:16,024
What? No, my Imodium
hasn't even completely kicked in.
1600
01:28:16,124 --> 01:28:18,902
Listen to me. You've probably
missed the last plane.
1601
01:28:19,002 --> 01:28:20,404
So I'm gonna give you money for the bus.
1602
01:28:20,504 --> 01:28:22,280
No, no, I'm staying
with my parents in the city.
1603
01:28:22,380 --> 01:28:23,490
- OK, that's fine...
- Mr Michaels,
1604
01:28:23,590 --> 01:28:24,783
I can't go back in there without you.
1605
01:28:24,883 --> 01:28:27,786
Clem, listen to me.
Do not grow a tumour.
1606
01:28:27,886 --> 01:28:32,332
They are going to make your movie,
and you'll be feted and rich,
1607
01:28:32,432 --> 01:28:34,660
and surrounded by women.
Can you handle that?
1608
01:28:35,143 --> 01:28:37,379
I don't want to be feted.
And the money would be fine.
1609
01:28:37,479 --> 01:28:40,879
- But the only woman I really want is Rosa.
- Rosa from our class?
1610
01:28:41,858 --> 01:28:43,927
Really? Good choice. She's gorgeous.
1611
01:28:44,027 --> 01:28:46,179
Not of course that I notice
women of that age.
1612
01:28:46,279 --> 01:28:49,015
- Mr Michaels, I don't feel comfortable.
- OK, listen to me.
1613
01:28:49,115 --> 01:28:50,809
A thousand years ago
1614
01:28:50,909 --> 01:28:56,357
I was in your position. And you know,
just enjoy it. It's glorious fun.
1615
01:28:57,791 --> 01:29:00,690
And remember, they need you
more than you need them.
1616
01:29:01,837 --> 01:29:04,656
This is your ride. It's not mine, OK?
1617
01:29:10,595 --> 01:29:12,497
- Hey, he's back.
- Hey. Thanks.
1618
01:29:12,597 --> 01:29:14,249
- Sans glasses.
- Yeah.
1619
01:29:14,349 --> 01:29:16,293
- GREG: You look mighty handsome.
- JENNY: Hmm.
1620
01:29:16,393 --> 01:29:17,540
Thank you.
1621
01:29:17,811 --> 01:29:21,339
GREG: So this is what we're
thinking about, we're discussing this...
1622
01:29:21,439 --> 01:29:24,009
We don't want to get ahead of ourselves,
but, franchise.
1623
01:29:24,109 --> 01:29:27,588
JENNY: Yeah. We're really excited about it.
There's actually so much that we can do...
1624
01:30:13,700 --> 01:30:15,097
(RINGS DOORBELL)
1625
01:30:19,205 --> 01:30:21,433
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
1626
01:30:31,843 --> 01:30:33,286
- Hi.
- Keith.
1627
01:30:33,386 --> 01:30:35,038
I'm so sorry to bother you
this late. I just...
1628
01:30:35,138 --> 01:30:37,666
- I did try to call, but there was no answer.
- That's OK.
1629
01:30:37,766 --> 01:30:41,962
Just sitting around with the family,
watching Eat Pray Love.
1630
01:30:42,437 --> 01:30:43,505
Ah!
1631
01:30:43,605 --> 01:30:45,423
I'll be right back. Go on without me.
1632
01:30:45,523 --> 01:30:46,591
MRS LERNER: You sure, honey?
1633
01:30:46,691 --> 01:30:48,464
Yeah. You can tell me what I missed.
1634
01:30:50,487 --> 01:30:52,264
(SIGHS) OK.
1635
01:30:52,364 --> 01:30:55,434
Listen, I did not expect
to see you again.
1636
01:30:55,700 --> 01:31:00,522
No, well, I have decided to take my chances
at the hearing, if it's not too late.
1637
01:31:00,914 --> 01:31:02,566
Really?
1638
01:31:02,666 --> 01:31:04,143
May I ask why?
1639
01:31:04,542 --> 01:31:06,611
Yes. I'm not quite sure.
1640
01:31:06,711 --> 01:31:08,780
Ah, well, I'm glad
you've thought it through.
1641
01:31:08,880 --> 01:31:12,117
And I was wondering if you could get me
a meeting with Professor Weldon,
1642
01:31:12,217 --> 01:31:14,286
cos I'd rather not just
show up at her door.
1643
01:31:14,386 --> 01:31:16,238
- No, I think that would be dangerous.
- Yeah.
1644
01:31:17,514 --> 01:31:19,374
Sure. I can arrange that.
1645
01:31:19,474 --> 01:31:21,459
Thank you. Thank you.
1646
01:31:21,559 --> 01:31:23,795
And I wanted to say
I'm sorry for what happened
1647
01:31:23,895 --> 01:31:25,964
and for putting you
in an awkward position.
1648
01:31:26,064 --> 01:31:29,092
MRS LERNER:
Honey, you've got to see this.
1649
01:31:29,192 --> 01:31:32,679
OK, just keep talking
and do not make me go back in there.
1650
01:31:32,779 --> 01:31:35,181
Well, they obviously want to share
the experience with you, you know.
1651
01:31:35,281 --> 01:31:37,309
It must be wonderful
to have a family like that.
1652
01:31:37,409 --> 01:31:39,307
Ugh! It's a pain.
1653
01:31:40,120 --> 01:31:42,147
Every week, movie night.
1654
01:31:42,247 --> 01:31:43,481
Yeah.
1655
01:31:43,581 --> 01:31:45,609
- Always a chick flick.
- Yeah.
1656
01:31:45,709 --> 01:31:48,778
And my daughters usually
bake these sugar cookies.
1657
01:31:48,878 --> 01:31:49,946
Oh, yeah.
1658
01:31:50,046 --> 01:31:51,698
- Which they will not let me have...
- Yeah.
1659
01:31:51,798 --> 01:31:53,742
Because...
1660
01:31:53,842 --> 01:31:56,828
They're concerned about my,
uh, cholesterol.
1661
01:31:56,928 --> 01:31:58,029
Ah.
1662
01:31:59,264 --> 01:32:02,918
So they give me, um,
1663
01:32:03,018 --> 01:32:04,669
non-fat popcorn.
1664
01:32:04,769 --> 01:32:06,755
Ah, that's great.
1665
01:32:06,855 --> 01:32:07,839
(SNIFFLES)
1666
01:32:07,939 --> 01:32:09,086
(CLEARS THROAT)
1667
01:32:59,365 --> 01:33:04,141
KEITH: I was not formally aware that
these relationships were prohibited.
1668
01:33:04,662 --> 01:33:07,440
I did almost immediately break it off
1669
01:33:07,540 --> 01:33:11,190
and I deeply regret the entire incident.
1670
01:33:20,678 --> 01:33:22,496
You arrived on campus,
1671
01:33:23,473 --> 01:33:25,246
became inebriated,
1672
01:33:26,017 --> 01:33:29,496
insulted members of the faculty.
1673
01:33:30,105 --> 01:33:35,427
You dismissed your class with the intention
of not having them return for a month.
1674
01:33:35,527 --> 01:33:39,556
And that class bears a suspicious
resemblance to a beauty pageant.
1675
01:33:39,656 --> 01:33:40,765
Not the men.
1676
01:33:40,865 --> 01:33:44,644
Which leads me to wonder if they weren't
assembled for your own viewing pleasure
1677
01:33:44,744 --> 01:33:48,314
evidenced by the fact that you carried on an
inappropriate relationship with one of them.
1678
01:33:48,414 --> 01:33:51,943
And even if you were not aware
of our policy on that matter,
1679
01:33:52,043 --> 01:33:56,489
it strains credulity that you didn't have
the good sense to know that it was wrong.
1680
01:33:56,589 --> 01:34:01,695
So unless my information is faulty,
this Ethics Hearing is a foregone conclusion.
1681
01:34:03,555 --> 01:34:07,125
Professor Weldon,
you're entirely correct.
1682
01:34:07,225 --> 01:34:11,129
I behaved unprofessionally
and I can present no good reason
1683
01:34:11,229 --> 01:34:13,548
why you should extend me
the privilege of staying here.
1684
01:34:13,731 --> 01:34:17,969
Except to say, that when I was
at the Binghamton Airport yesterday...
1685
01:34:18,069 --> 01:34:22,057
I was pulled aside by a
charming geriatric TSA officer
1686
01:34:22,157 --> 01:34:24,142
who needed to inspect my award.
1687
01:34:24,242 --> 01:34:29,397
And she started telling me that her security
post was the perfect setting for a movie,
1688
01:34:29,497 --> 01:34:34,652
but she couldn't write because, as she put it,
"Either you're born with it or you're not".
1689
01:34:34,752 --> 01:34:38,072
You see, a few months ago,
I would have agreed with that.
1690
01:34:38,548 --> 01:34:42,494
But suddenly, I found myself
explaining the three-act structure
1691
01:34:42,594 --> 01:34:46,956
and the basics of outlining until she had
to go and pat down a suspicious man
1692
01:34:47,056 --> 01:34:48,541
who kept readjusting his shorts.
1693
01:34:48,641 --> 01:34:51,628
And I realised I was
trying to teach her.
1694
01:34:51,728 --> 01:34:56,257
(CHUCKLES) Me, the person
who did nothing but mock teaching
1695
01:34:56,357 --> 01:34:59,836
as an absurd profession
practised only by desperate failures.
1696
01:35:00,862 --> 01:35:03,264
I mean, obviously not
at the university level.
1697
01:35:03,364 --> 01:35:07,014
But it has, as a new friend
told me it might...
1698
01:35:08,453 --> 01:35:10,647
Got its hooks into me.
1699
01:35:10,747 --> 01:35:15,652
So, I ask for your leniency,
because I think that,
1700
01:35:15,752 --> 01:35:17,529
you know, with a little effort,
1701
01:35:17,629 --> 01:35:21,575
I could possibly be quite good at this job
and actually worthy of your esteem.
1702
01:35:22,467 --> 01:35:26,371
And because these kids
have actually reminded me
1703
01:35:26,471 --> 01:35:29,324
why I wanted to write
in the first place.
1704
01:35:30,642 --> 01:35:33,628
But, mostly, because I can't bear
the thought of anyone else
1705
01:35:33,728 --> 01:35:36,456
getting to help my class
with their third acts.
1706
01:35:39,234 --> 01:35:40,335
(SIGHS)
1707
01:35:45,657 --> 01:35:46,849
(SIGHS)
1708
01:35:47,867 --> 01:35:52,522
Mr Michaels, I am not popular.
My students don't like me.
1709
01:35:52,622 --> 01:35:54,190
Oh...
1710
01:35:55,083 --> 01:35:59,438
And it is because
they assume I am an Elinor.
1711
01:36:01,005 --> 01:36:02,448
An Elinor?
1712
01:36:03,216 --> 01:36:04,450
From Sense and Sensibility.
1713
01:36:04,550 --> 01:36:06,578
Oh, yes, yes. That Elinor. Yes.
1714
01:36:06,678 --> 01:36:10,707
Prudent, cautious, conservative.
And I do have that side of me.
1715
01:36:10,807 --> 01:36:12,834
But there's another side as well.
1716
01:36:12,934 --> 01:36:15,253
Well, that's nice. It's always nice
when people have so many sides.
1717
01:36:15,353 --> 01:36:16,671
It's like a Rubik's Cube.
1718
01:36:16,771 --> 01:36:18,293
I have a Marianne side.
1719
01:36:18,439 --> 01:36:19,424
Oh.
1720
01:36:19,524 --> 01:36:21,843
- Unpredictable, impetuous...
- Yes.
1721
01:36:21,943 --> 01:36:23,678
...irrational sometimes.
1722
01:36:23,778 --> 01:36:28,892
You have appealed to that side and I will
indulge it this one last time, because...
1723
01:36:28,992 --> 01:36:32,141
As Miss Austen said...
1724
01:36:33,913 --> 01:36:38,610
"Selfishness must always be forgiven, you
know, because there is no hope for a cure."
1725
01:36:39,002 --> 01:36:41,946
- Did she say that? That's quite clever.
- Hmm.
1726
01:36:42,046 --> 01:36:44,282
Mansfield Park.
1727
01:36:44,382 --> 01:36:46,868
The key to good teaching, Mr Michaels
1728
01:36:46,968 --> 01:36:50,447
is the willingness
to always learn something new.
1729
01:36:51,764 --> 01:36:53,662
I will remember that.
1730
01:36:54,058 --> 01:36:56,286
I want you to see something.
1731
01:36:59,439 --> 01:37:00,540
Open it.
1732
01:37:02,734 --> 01:37:05,261
- Screenplay?
- Don't be idiotic. A memoir.
1733
01:37:05,361 --> 01:37:06,304
Ah!
1734
01:37:06,404 --> 01:37:09,807
Based on my experience
of a lifetime teaching literature.
1735
01:37:09,907 --> 01:37:12,310
I'd like an unbiased honest appraisal.
1736
01:37:12,410 --> 01:37:14,012
I'd be honoured.
1737
01:37:14,412 --> 01:37:17,065
But if it were to become a movie,
Meryl Streep should play me.
1738
01:37:17,165 --> 01:37:19,275
Yes, I will read it with that in mind.
1739
01:37:19,375 --> 01:37:21,277
But don't take it.
That's my personal copy.
1740
01:37:21,377 --> 01:37:23,780
- Sorry.
- I'll email you.
1741
01:37:23,880 --> 01:37:26,699
Now, I have to prepare for a class...
1742
01:37:26,799 --> 01:37:27,867
Yes, yes, yes.
1743
01:37:27,967 --> 01:37:30,035
So if you don't mind...
1744
01:37:31,512 --> 01:37:32,956
Uh, nice bag.
1745
01:37:33,056 --> 01:37:34,408
- Please leave.
- Yes.
1746
01:37:38,186 --> 01:37:39,170
Hello?
1747
01:37:39,270 --> 01:37:40,755
What, you walked out on the meeting?
1748
01:37:40,855 --> 01:37:42,799
I did. How'd it go otherwise?
1749
01:37:42,899 --> 01:37:45,301
Well they loved Clem,
and they're making the deal.
1750
01:37:45,401 --> 01:37:48,596
Fantastic. Listen, I will be very happy
to work with him on the script,
1751
01:37:48,696 --> 01:37:50,139
but only as his teacher.
1752
01:37:50,239 --> 01:37:52,350
So now you want to stay in Binghamton?
1753
01:37:52,450 --> 01:37:54,352
Well, I've been thinking.
1754
01:37:54,452 --> 01:37:57,480
Maybe I will write a screenplay
about a washed-up writer
1755
01:37:57,580 --> 01:38:00,058
who goes to teach
at an out-of-the-way university.
1756
01:38:00,208 --> 01:38:03,236
You know what?
That is a great idea for Matt Damon.
1757
01:38:03,336 --> 01:38:05,822
I'm going to call his producing partner,
and I'm going to call you back.
1758
01:38:05,922 --> 01:38:08,283
Excellent. But not between
12:00 and 1:30.
1759
01:38:08,383 --> 01:38:10,827
I have class and will not be
picking up the phone.
1760
01:38:14,097 --> 01:38:15,414
Thanks.
1761
01:38:21,646 --> 01:38:22,918
$16.98.
1762
01:38:25,691 --> 01:38:29,091
(CLEARS THROAT) Dumb.
Buy an umbrella on the first sunny day.
1763
01:38:29,162 --> 01:38:31,009
- It's raining.
- It's going to clear up.
1764
01:38:31,197 --> 01:38:32,469
I see.
1765
01:38:33,408 --> 01:38:37,228
So, it appears that I'm going
to stay here and teach for a bit.
1766
01:38:37,328 --> 01:38:38,479
Oh!
1767
01:38:38,579 --> 01:38:41,398
And I would also like to buy this book.
1768
01:38:42,333 --> 01:38:45,107
- $24.95.
- Yeah, complete rip-off. OK, forget the book.
1769
01:38:46,045 --> 01:38:49,240
- Will there be anything else?
- Yes.
1770
01:38:49,340 --> 01:38:52,618
I don't think you're an
optimism machine.
1771
01:38:52,718 --> 01:38:56,748
I know how hard you work at being a mum
and a student and I'm in awe.
1772
01:38:56,848 --> 01:38:59,125
I'm completely in awe. And...
1773
01:38:59,225 --> 01:39:02,837
Although I was only gone for a few hours,
I found myself missing you.
1774
01:39:02,937 --> 01:39:05,715
Now it's quite possible that
if I'd stayed away a few more hours
1775
01:39:05,815 --> 01:39:09,135
I'd have just completely got over that,
but now we'll never know.
1776
01:39:09,235 --> 01:39:13,806
So the answer is yes, I'm hoping
that there will be something else.
1777
01:39:15,408 --> 01:39:16,851
Much more else.
1778
01:39:21,873 --> 01:39:25,773
Right. Well, then,
I will see you in class.
1779
01:39:27,670 --> 01:39:30,531
But, in looking over my script,
1780
01:39:30,631 --> 01:39:33,785
I did see what you meant
about the random structuring.
1781
01:39:33,885 --> 01:39:38,616
And I'm not so sure where the
Jerry character fits in any more.
1782
01:39:39,557 --> 01:39:42,585
Well, that's very encouraging to hear.
1783
01:39:42,685 --> 01:39:44,712
I mean, not for Jerry, obviously.
1784
01:39:44,812 --> 01:39:50,339
And it makes me think that if I just try as hard
as I can and really, really believe in myself,
1785
01:39:51,527 --> 01:39:53,054
I can make my dreams come true.
1786
01:39:53,154 --> 01:39:56,099
You know, when you say it,
it really does sound ridiculous.
1787
01:39:56,199 --> 01:39:58,017
- Maybe it's the accent.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
1788
01:39:59,494 --> 01:40:02,473
What? Yes, I'm sorry. Go ahead.
1789
01:40:08,294 --> 01:40:10,154
That can't be right.
1790
01:40:10,254 --> 01:40:11,947
Oh, it's right.
1791
01:40:12,715 --> 01:40:15,238
What'd I tell you? Worth the wait.
1792
01:40:15,551 --> 01:40:18,245
OK, I just want you to know...
1793
01:40:19,096 --> 01:40:22,250
I will respect the fact that you are my
student until the end of the semester.
1794
01:40:22,350 --> 01:40:23,952
OK. Thank you.
1795
01:40:25,269 --> 01:40:27,255
When is the end of the semester?
1796
01:40:27,355 --> 01:40:29,332
(CHUCKLES) Oh, you'll know.
1797
01:40:31,275 --> 01:40:32,718
(HOLLY CHUCKLES)
1798
01:40:35,947 --> 01:40:37,264
(CONVERSING INDISTINCTLY)
1799
01:40:44,622 --> 01:40:49,023
No, no, no. Thank you.
Thanks, that's truly...
1800
01:40:49,961 --> 01:40:53,565
Oh, Billy! Yes, welcome back!
1801
01:40:53,881 --> 01:40:55,107
(CHUCKLES)
1802
01:40:55,841 --> 01:40:57,739
Welcome back, Billy.
1803
01:40:58,135 --> 01:40:59,203
Hmm.
1804
01:40:59,303 --> 01:41:04,208
And for those of you who were looking
forward to the poetic charms of Clara Foss...
1805
01:41:04,308 --> 01:41:06,251
I apologise. I'm back.
1806
01:41:09,480 --> 01:41:12,425
Back from New York,
where if you don't know already.
1807
01:41:12,525 --> 01:41:15,344
Clem has just sold his
first script to Hollywood.
1808
01:41:15,444 --> 01:41:17,421
(ALL MURMURING HAPPILY)
1809
01:41:19,949 --> 01:41:22,768
You deserve it.
Your writing's brilliant.
1810
01:41:22,868 --> 01:41:25,229
I would also like to say that today
we will be taking a look
1811
01:41:25,329 --> 01:41:28,524
at some new and truly exciting pages
from Karen Gabney.
1812
01:41:29,917 --> 01:41:34,447
With regard to my premature departure
from our last class, uh...
1813
01:41:34,547 --> 01:41:36,900
I'm sorry. The truth is, um...
1814
01:41:38,676 --> 01:41:40,278
Somewhat complicated.
1815
01:41:41,971 --> 01:41:44,332
Well it's my third act, I suppose,
1816
01:41:44,432 --> 01:41:47,043
and I will let you see it
when I have finished my teacher script.
1817
01:41:47,143 --> 01:41:49,587
And I will want your complete
and honest opinions.
1818
01:41:49,687 --> 01:41:51,631
Though I will vastly prefer
the people who love it.
1819
01:41:51,731 --> 01:41:53,549
(ALL LAUGH)
1820
01:41:53,649 --> 01:41:55,218
Good, let's get back to work.
1821
01:41:55,318 --> 01:41:57,094
- (MOBILE RINGING)
- I think we were on... Hey, hang on.
1822
01:41:57,194 --> 01:41:58,596
There will be no more of that.
1823
01:41:58,696 --> 01:42:01,549
- (RINGING STOPS)
- You have my full attention from here on in.
1824
01:42:02,992 --> 01:42:04,890
OK, third acts.
1825
01:42:05,536 --> 01:42:08,940
Andrea, tell us what happens during
the dessert phase of the Bat Mitzvah.
1826
01:42:09,040 --> 01:42:10,066
- OK.
- (MOBILE CHIMES)
1827
01:42:10,166 --> 01:42:14,445
So they bring the cake out and they
find out that the cake isn't kosher.
1828
01:42:14,545 --> 01:42:17,240
But Alicia's parents start fighting
and accusing each other
1829
01:42:17,340 --> 01:42:20,451
of getting the wrong caterer because
there are also pigs in a blanket.
1830
01:42:20,551 --> 01:42:23,746
And Alicia starts crying
because she realises
1831
01:42:23,846 --> 01:42:26,040
that she doesn't care about the cake.
1832
01:42:26,140 --> 01:42:28,626
She just wants her parents to be happy.
1833
01:42:28,726 --> 01:42:32,129
And she insists on doing her Torah
and her Haftarah portions over again
1834
01:42:32,229 --> 01:42:34,377
and it just gets so crazy.
1835
01:42:53,042 --> 01:42:55,194
A-ha! "How dost thou, sweet lord?"
1836
01:42:55,294 --> 01:43:00,741
Keith! You're back!
May I introduce Joan from State Farm.
1837
01:43:00,841 --> 01:43:03,661
Ah, yes. Hello Joan.
He's quite a catch, isn't he?
1838
01:43:03,761 --> 01:43:07,491
He's low-risk, dependable,
limited-liability.
1839
01:43:07,932 --> 01:43:10,585
"Thank Heaven, fasting,
for a good man's love."
1840
01:43:10,685 --> 01:43:13,038
As You Like It. Act III, Scene V.
1841
01:43:14,105 --> 01:43:16,003
It just gets me when he does that.
1842
01:43:20,027 --> 01:43:22,513
"Ken's dead. He's dead now.
1843
01:43:22,613 --> 01:43:26,434
"He'll be dead in two hours,
and then he'll be dead forever.
1844
01:43:27,076 --> 01:43:29,979
"TOM: Will you marry me?
1845
01:43:30,079 --> 01:43:32,356
"MAURA: You're thick and stupid.
1846
01:43:32,456 --> 01:43:35,693
"You can't see the darkness
that surrounds you.
1847
01:43:35,793 --> 01:43:38,904
"TOM: You make me feel alive.
1848
01:43:39,004 --> 01:43:41,232
"MAURA: That won't last."
1849
01:43:43,175 --> 01:43:47,655
"CAROL: Daddy, I think you should know,
I'm sleeping with your business partner."
1850
01:43:50,057 --> 01:43:54,629
The other day, she comes
and climbs up on my lap
1851
01:43:54,729 --> 01:44:00,051
with a book and she says, "Daddy, will you
read me this book in your scary voice?"
1852
01:44:32,308 --> 01:44:33,876
(SNIFFLING)
1853
01:44:37,146 --> 01:44:38,418
Oh, Sara.
1854
01:44:41,484 --> 01:44:44,212
OK. I admit I never watched it before.
1855
01:44:45,529 --> 01:44:49,133
- But when Johnny lifts her at the end...
- No, I know, it's very moving.
1856
01:44:50,034 --> 01:44:51,826
If you tell anyone, I'll kill you.
1857
01:44:51,827 --> 01:44:54,305
Yeah, understood. Yeah, 100%.