1 00:01:24,739 --> 00:01:26,782 Get your bag off the table. People eat there. 2 00:01:26,908 --> 00:01:28,534 They eat on plates. 3 00:01:28,659 --> 00:01:30,869 Don't give me crap, Maizy. 4 00:01:30,953 --> 00:01:33,080 I'm telling. You said ''crap.'' 5 00:01:33,205 --> 00:01:36,958 - There's nothing wrong with ''crap.'' - Really? I thought that was a swear. 6 00:01:37,084 --> 00:01:39,628 - You're thinking of ''shit.'' - Right. 7 00:01:43,215 --> 00:01:45,091 Do you mind? 8 00:01:45,217 --> 00:01:48,136 A sixth-grader chased me with his bike and I was running. 9 00:01:48,220 --> 00:01:50,930 When I got exhausted and fell down, he waled me with his shoe. 10 00:01:51,014 --> 00:01:54,267 - Thank your parents for that. - How come? 11 00:01:54,392 --> 00:01:56,435 It was their brilliant idea to move here. 12 00:01:56,519 --> 00:01:58,896 They weren't making enough cash in Indianapolis. 13 00:01:59,022 --> 00:02:00,815 Forget that we were perfectly happy. 14 00:02:00,899 --> 00:02:03,443 So thank them for getting treated like shit every day. 15 00:02:03,526 --> 00:02:07,029 - I'm telling on that one. - Shut your face. 16 00:02:12,243 --> 00:02:15,996 - Your book bag doesn't go on the floor. - Always have a cow. 17 00:02:17,790 --> 00:02:20,542 - Your nails are digging into my arm! - Pick it up! 18 00:02:22,669 --> 00:02:25,129 You're just supposed to open the door for us. 19 00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:27,173 You're not supposed to kick us around. 20 00:02:27,257 --> 00:02:29,801 I'm an American. I have rights! 21 00:02:29,885 --> 00:02:31,761 Maizy, did I kick you around? 22 00:02:31,887 --> 00:02:35,223 No, but you said ''shit'' twice. But only once for real. 23 00:02:36,182 --> 00:02:39,351 I've got better things to do than baby-sit you, you little stain. 24 00:02:39,435 --> 00:02:42,604 Like what, hang out with friends you don't have? 25 00:02:42,689 --> 00:02:45,525 Why don't you just shut up? 26 00:02:45,608 --> 00:02:47,568 Want to make me? 27 00:02:47,693 --> 00:02:52,822 When our mother figure isn't here, I'm in charge. 28 00:02:52,948 --> 00:02:56,201 - I'm sick ofyou calling her that. - Too bad. 29 00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,622 You moron! 30 00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:04,668 - Why do we need boys? They're so loud. - Shut up! 31 00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:07,795 - Shut up yourself! - We need boys... 32 00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:12,884 so they can grow up, get married and turn into shadows. 33 00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:17,304 Let the dog out. 34 00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:18,889 Percy! 35 00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:36,824 This is such a wonderful dinner, Mother. How do you find the time? 36 00:03:39,702 --> 00:03:41,120 Miles. 37 00:03:42,913 --> 00:03:45,123 Maizy, put that down. 38 00:03:45,249 --> 00:03:49,002 - Did you win at hockey yesterday? - Hockey's been over for two weeks. 39 00:03:54,591 --> 00:03:58,719 I guess you don't want a hockey stick for your birthday. 40 00:04:03,683 --> 00:04:06,852 You know what? 41 00:04:06,936 --> 00:04:11,398 When Dad goes to New York, I'm going to take a week off work. 42 00:04:11,482 --> 00:04:13,609 So you can interview new housekeepers? 43 00:04:14,902 --> 00:04:18,321 - I've had enough of your ugliness. - Really? 44 00:04:20,324 --> 00:04:23,326 We're all a little tired of the act. 45 00:04:38,967 --> 00:04:41,719 - This is really a good idea. - thank you. 46 00:04:42,845 --> 00:04:45,764 - How's the pie? - Not bad. 47 00:04:47,099 --> 00:04:49,851 Will you be at work in the morning? 48 00:04:49,935 --> 00:04:51,811 I can't avoid it. 49 00:04:51,937 --> 00:04:53,980 You don't seem happy about it. 50 00:04:55,274 --> 00:04:59,903 If you've got to know, I'm not excited about working for my girlfriend. 51 00:05:00,029 --> 00:05:01,655 There, I said it. 52 00:05:02,739 --> 00:05:04,532 Buck, I love you. 53 00:05:04,616 --> 00:05:08,661 I can't help myself. I want to get married and have a family with you. 54 00:05:08,745 --> 00:05:10,955 The clock is ticking away. 55 00:05:11,039 --> 00:05:14,375 I would like to hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet before I die. 56 00:05:14,459 --> 00:05:17,628 I'll get you a mouse and a piece of sheet metal. 57 00:05:19,506 --> 00:05:23,176 - Lighten up, will you? - Don't push my buttons. 58 00:05:23,259 --> 00:05:25,636 I'm not pushing your buttons. I know me. 59 00:05:25,761 --> 00:05:27,721 I know what I like. 60 00:05:27,847 --> 00:05:30,224 I like my friends, my freedom. 61 00:05:31,392 --> 00:05:35,854 I like knowing I can go golfing anytime I want. 62 00:05:35,980 --> 00:05:38,524 I don't hurt anybody. I don't see what the problem is. 63 00:05:38,649 --> 00:05:41,193 That is the best formula for loneliness I ever heard. 64 00:05:42,236 --> 00:05:44,863 - Why are we arguing? - We're talking. 65 00:05:44,947 --> 00:05:47,240 I said I'd be at work in the morning. I'll be there. 66 00:05:48,825 --> 00:05:50,451 Okay. 67 00:05:53,622 --> 00:05:55,498 I've got to get this out. 68 00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:59,209 I know I'm harping, but let me say it. 69 00:05:59,294 --> 00:06:02,380 I'm working on history, on the past. 70 00:06:02,505 --> 00:06:05,924 You're gonna show up? Swear to God? In the a.m.? Promise? 71 00:06:06,008 --> 00:06:08,385 Chanice, I'll be honest with you. 72 00:06:08,511 --> 00:06:12,014 If I could think of an excuse that you would buy, I'd use it. 73 00:06:27,529 --> 00:06:28,947 Hello. 74 00:06:33,118 --> 00:06:35,787 - Oh, God! - What? 75 00:06:35,870 --> 00:06:38,330 Just a second. It's your aunt. 76 00:06:38,414 --> 00:06:40,457 What happened? 77 00:06:40,541 --> 00:06:42,668 Your dad had a heart attack. 78 00:06:46,881 --> 00:06:49,341 Who's gonna watch the kids? 79 00:06:50,426 --> 00:06:53,136 Marcie. She's right across the street. 80 00:06:53,220 --> 00:06:55,764 She's the last person I'd ask for a favor. 81 00:06:57,933 --> 00:06:59,809 What about the Nevilles? 82 00:07:02,437 --> 00:07:04,397 Would you call them? 83 00:07:04,481 --> 00:07:06,941 I want to leave as soon as we can. 84 00:07:08,819 --> 00:07:11,196 I am so helpless here. 85 00:07:11,279 --> 00:07:15,032 Don't start getting down on why we moved. 86 00:07:15,116 --> 00:07:17,243 It has nothing to do with what happened. 87 00:07:17,368 --> 00:07:18,827 Sorry. 88 00:07:21,664 --> 00:07:23,874 This is just a thought. 89 00:07:23,958 --> 00:07:27,044 What about Buck? I'm sure he'd be glad to help out. 90 00:07:27,170 --> 00:07:30,089 This is not the time to discuss your brother. 91 00:07:30,172 --> 00:07:33,425 - I don't want him here. - It'sjust a suggestion. 92 00:07:33,509 --> 00:07:37,637 He doesn't have kids. He isn't married. He doesn't even work! 93 00:07:39,306 --> 00:07:43,685 He's a little out there, but he's responsible and he's family. 94 00:07:43,810 --> 00:07:49,398 Buck is not the kind of guy I feel comfortable leaving my kids with. 95 00:07:49,483 --> 00:07:52,110 The trashy people he hangs out with. 96 00:07:52,193 --> 00:07:55,696 That woman who sells tires. 97 00:07:55,822 --> 00:07:58,741 The horse racing, the gambling. Can you see him in this house? 98 00:07:59,826 --> 00:08:00,826 Okay. 99 00:08:04,747 --> 00:08:06,874 Call the Nevilles. 100 00:08:11,212 --> 00:08:13,964 Are we going to Indianapolis? 101 00:08:14,048 --> 00:08:16,258 Daddy and I are. 102 00:08:16,342 --> 00:08:19,052 And we're not? 103 00:08:19,136 --> 00:08:21,263 No, that's not a good idea. 104 00:08:23,974 --> 00:08:25,934 Thanks. 105 00:08:26,059 --> 00:08:28,186 I loved my father very much. 106 00:08:28,270 --> 00:08:30,730 So why did you move away from him? 107 00:08:34,234 --> 00:08:38,071 If my family moved away from me, I'd have a heart attack too. 108 00:08:44,702 --> 00:08:46,203 I see. 109 00:08:48,206 --> 00:08:51,042 - Who will take care of us? - Mr. and Mrs. Neville. 110 00:08:51,167 --> 00:08:53,961 - Is that a joke? - You don't like the Nevilles? 111 00:08:54,044 --> 00:08:57,380 - The dog's a ball sniffer. - Don't talk like that. 112 00:08:57,464 --> 00:09:01,509 Mr. Neville yelled at Michael because their dog was sniffing Michael's balls. 113 00:09:01,593 --> 00:09:03,720 - Don't use that word. - I don't know another word. 114 00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:06,431 We can talk to Mr. Neville about the dog. 115 00:09:06,515 --> 00:09:09,601 Sorry, honey. They're in Florida. 116 00:09:12,395 --> 00:09:14,271 You get in bed. 117 00:09:14,397 --> 00:09:16,690 You have to get up for school. 118 00:09:16,816 --> 00:09:19,360 - Who's in Florida? - Get back in bed. 119 00:09:19,444 --> 00:09:22,446 - What's the other word for balls? - Get in bed. 120 00:09:25,074 --> 00:09:26,617 Nuts. 121 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:32,164 What do we do? 122 00:09:32,289 --> 00:09:34,416 I don't think we have much choice. 123 00:09:36,377 --> 00:09:37,795 Can we trust him? 124 00:09:40,672 --> 00:09:41,839 Yeah? 125 00:09:41,924 --> 00:09:44,051 Buck, this is Bob. 126 00:09:44,176 --> 00:09:47,095 Bob? Bob who? 127 00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:52,099 It's your brother. 128 00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:57,146 Bobby! Hang on a minute. 129 00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:20,877 Just used your Christmas present. 130 00:10:20,961 --> 00:10:23,254 The Clapper. 131 00:10:23,380 --> 00:10:26,799 You little pissant, how you doing? 132 00:10:26,883 --> 00:10:28,843 Geez! Are you drunk? 133 00:10:30,428 --> 00:10:31,804 You know something? 134 00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:35,850 We gotta get together. I haven't been overyour house since you moved in. 135 00:10:35,934 --> 00:10:40,563 I'm sorry about those bushes too. I had no idea... 136 00:10:40,688 --> 00:10:43,690 that they would catch on fire like that. 137 00:10:43,775 --> 00:10:46,611 You were right. I should never have put the barbecue that close. 138 00:10:46,694 --> 00:10:49,947 Cindy's father had a heart attack tonight. 139 00:10:50,072 --> 00:10:53,575 We'd like tog et to IndianapoIis as soon as possibIe. 140 00:10:53,659 --> 00:10:56,495 But we have a problem with the kids. 141 00:10:56,620 --> 00:11:00,748 We're stuck for somebody to watch them. If you're not doing anything-- 142 00:11:00,874 --> 00:11:03,876 Is this okay with Cindy? It's got Cindy's approval? 143 00:11:04,628 --> 00:11:06,004 Oh, yeah. 144 00:11:06,129 --> 00:11:09,799 That'd be great. I'd be honored. 145 00:11:09,883 --> 00:11:13,386 I've still got the one bedroom. I'm going to get a bigger place. 146 00:11:13,470 --> 00:11:16,222 But they can bring their sleeping bags. We'll have fun. 147 00:11:16,306 --> 00:11:19,058 We'll make tents. Get some toys and peanut butter. 148 00:11:19,184 --> 00:11:22,020 - We'II have a blast. - I thought you could come here. 149 00:11:22,103 --> 00:11:24,063 The kids have school. 150 00:11:24,188 --> 00:11:26,315 What am I thinking? Sure. 151 00:11:26,399 --> 00:11:28,526 Tonight or in the morning? 152 00:11:28,609 --> 00:11:30,736 Tonight would be best if you could do it. 153 00:11:30,861 --> 00:11:34,531 Tonight will be fine. Don't worry. 154 00:11:34,657 --> 00:11:36,700 I'll pack a few things and I'm on my way. 155 00:11:36,825 --> 00:11:39,118 Thanks. See you soon. 156 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:45,125 He can do it. He was asleep and I woke him up. 157 00:11:46,918 --> 00:11:50,838 At this hour, that's a good sign. We're all set. 158 00:11:59,138 --> 00:12:01,682 Okay, this, this and this. 159 00:12:05,895 --> 00:12:07,855 Bag, bag, bag. 160 00:12:09,774 --> 00:12:11,650 This will do. 161 00:12:22,828 --> 00:12:24,079 Hello. 162 00:12:24,162 --> 00:12:26,122 Chanice, honey? 163 00:12:27,624 --> 00:12:29,584 I have bad news. 164 00:12:29,668 --> 00:12:31,795 Let me guess. 165 00:12:31,878 --> 00:12:34,088 You are not coming in to work in the morning. 166 00:12:38,009 --> 00:12:39,969 Just let-- 167 00:12:41,179 --> 00:12:43,222 No, but-- You don't-- 168 00:12:43,306 --> 00:12:46,392 Would you just-- Give me-- 169 00:12:46,476 --> 00:12:49,020 Let me get-- 170 00:12:49,103 --> 00:12:51,313 You're not-- Give me a-- 171 00:12:52,398 --> 00:12:53,857 Good-bye. 172 00:12:56,986 --> 00:12:59,988 Boy, I haven't seen those kids in a while. 173 00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:04,200 Tia's got to be nine. 174 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,203 Nine, maybe ten. Oh, boy. 175 00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:10,498 And the two new ones. They're-- 176 00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:12,375 Larry and-- 177 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,169 Larry and... 178 00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:19,090 Betsy. 179 00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:20,633 Betsy-- 180 00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:24,303 Jennifer. 181 00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:26,597 Larry and Jennifer. Nice kids. 182 00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:36,773 Honey, he's 40 years old. He knows his way around. 183 00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:42,195 Why don't you finish packing? I'll watch out for Buck. 184 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,594 What the hell? 185 00:14:06,677 --> 00:14:08,553 Where is everybody? 186 00:14:16,353 --> 00:14:17,729 Bob? 187 00:14:21,483 --> 00:14:24,569 This isn't funny. Come on. Wake up! 188 00:14:24,695 --> 00:14:28,823 - I'm freezing my ass off out here. - Oh, shit! 189 00:14:28,907 --> 00:14:31,367 I'm getting mad, Bob. 190 00:14:34,079 --> 00:14:35,246 Buck? 191 00:14:39,209 --> 00:14:40,668 Over here! 192 00:14:48,801 --> 00:14:52,721 Do you know how many big white houses there are on this street? 193 00:14:54,265 --> 00:14:55,641 What? 194 00:14:55,766 --> 00:14:58,310 - Keep it down. - What? 195 00:14:58,394 --> 00:15:01,897 - What should I do with my car? - For crying out loud! 196 00:15:02,022 --> 00:15:03,565 Sorry, Mr. Hatfield. 197 00:15:03,649 --> 00:15:05,776 It's 2:00 a.m.! 198 00:15:05,859 --> 00:15:08,403 How you doing? Sorry I'm late. 199 00:15:08,528 --> 00:15:11,864 - No. Thanks for coming. - What happened to the mustache? 200 00:15:11,948 --> 00:15:14,241 - Had to shave it off. - How's Cindy? 201 00:15:14,326 --> 00:15:16,286 - Not well. - Her dad? 202 00:15:16,369 --> 00:15:19,622 - Hard to say. - Those medical terms. An infarction? 203 00:15:28,631 --> 00:15:32,551 I stopped smoking cigarettes. Isn't that something? 204 00:15:33,719 --> 00:15:36,638 I'm on to cigars. I'm on a five-year plan. 205 00:15:36,764 --> 00:15:39,933 I eliminated cigarettes, then I go to cigars, then to pipes... 206 00:15:40,017 --> 00:15:42,477 then to chewing tobacco, then the nicotine gum. 207 00:15:43,478 --> 00:15:44,854 Good. 208 00:15:46,481 --> 00:15:48,107 Money. 209 00:15:48,233 --> 00:15:51,986 - I'll leave you blank checks. - No, I've got lots of money. 210 00:15:53,655 --> 00:15:55,948 No, please. 211 00:15:56,074 --> 00:15:58,201 I've got the money. I'd like to do this. 212 00:15:58,284 --> 00:16:00,744 All right? Come on, please. 213 00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:03,580 I'll pay you back when we get home. 214 00:16:07,210 --> 00:16:09,670 I won't have any problem cashing... 215 00:16:09,795 --> 00:16:12,505 a second-party out-of-state paycheck, will I? 216 00:16:12,590 --> 00:16:17,719 I've been so busy, I haven't been able to do my banking. 217 00:16:17,803 --> 00:16:20,430 - I don't think there'll be a problem. - Let me leave you the checks. 218 00:16:20,514 --> 00:16:23,141 - Only if it's comfortable for you. - That'll be easier. 219 00:16:23,225 --> 00:16:25,685 I guess. Do you have a plunger? 220 00:16:25,811 --> 00:16:29,814 While I'm thinking of these things. For the morning. 221 00:16:29,898 --> 00:16:32,358 My plumbing is bad. Ofcourse, yours is good. 222 00:16:32,484 --> 00:16:35,194 I would imagine. Don't worry about it. 223 00:16:35,278 --> 00:16:38,030 Everything will be fine. I've been bound up lately. 224 00:16:38,156 --> 00:16:41,575 It's driving me crazy. I've been eating a lot ofcheese for some reason. 225 00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:45,538 I got a craving for the stuff. Do you think maybe that's an allergy? 226 00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:48,498 Yeah. 227 00:16:48,583 --> 00:16:52,878 I don't know, I can't get enough cheese. I feel like a big mouse. 228 00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:56,256 - I don't know. - Oh, well. 229 00:16:56,340 --> 00:17:00,635 Let's see. Oh, Miles' birthday. 230 00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:03,388 We'll be back by that time. 231 00:17:03,472 --> 00:17:05,682 Okay, then. This should do. 232 00:17:05,766 --> 00:17:09,436 I probably won't use them. Just in case. 233 00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:11,854 - Right. - Great. Okay. 234 00:17:21,239 --> 00:17:24,033 I know I've forgotten something. What else? 235 00:17:24,117 --> 00:17:28,329 All right? That looks nice. Give me your arm. 236 00:17:28,412 --> 00:17:32,249 It should only be a few days. I promise I'll call you tomorrow. 237 00:17:32,375 --> 00:17:34,668 - You've got all the phone numbers? - Yeah. 238 00:17:34,752 --> 00:17:38,088 - We're off. Thanks, Buck. - Take care ofyourself. 239 00:17:38,172 --> 00:17:41,341 - We appreciate this. - Thanks. Thank you. 240 00:17:41,425 --> 00:17:45,095 - Say hi to your dad. Drive safely. - You can do it. 241 00:18:10,328 --> 00:18:11,787 That's for sure. 242 00:18:27,219 --> 00:18:28,595 Unbreakable. 243 00:18:35,352 --> 00:18:37,312 Shit! 244 00:18:38,771 --> 00:18:40,647 It's 7.:02 in the a.m. 245 00:18:40,773 --> 00:18:43,066 You're listening to W- I-Don't-Have-To-Go-To-Work-Today... 246 00:18:43,151 --> 00:18:45,027 brought to you by Kobolowski Tires. 247 00:18:45,153 --> 00:18:47,446 For the best in tires, see Chanice Kobolowski. 248 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:20,019 Tia! 249 00:19:23,314 --> 00:19:26,024 You remember me? 250 00:19:29,445 --> 00:19:31,488 Uncle Buck. 251 00:19:31,614 --> 00:19:33,490 The Uncle Buck. 252 00:19:41,999 --> 00:19:44,042 Coffee drinker, huh? 253 00:19:59,390 --> 00:20:02,017 - Hungry? - No. 254 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:05,854 Sure you are. Everybody loves breakfast. You gotta have a good breakfast. 255 00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:08,690 Start the day off right. 256 00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:15,781 - So where are the other ones? - Other ones what? 257 00:20:15,906 --> 00:20:18,616 The other kids. 258 00:20:18,701 --> 00:20:22,204 They have names. Miles and Maizy. 259 00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:24,247 Are Miles and Maizy up yet? 260 00:20:24,331 --> 00:20:26,207 I woke them, thank you. 261 00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:31,588 There you go. 262 00:20:31,671 --> 00:20:33,798 Are you deaf? I said I wasn't hungry. 263 00:20:33,882 --> 00:20:35,758 That's one of my specialties. 264 00:20:40,513 --> 00:20:42,056 I'd rather starve. 265 00:20:42,181 --> 00:20:44,224 Does your mom know you drink coffee? 266 00:20:45,226 --> 00:20:48,312 I'm not doing it to impress you. 267 00:20:48,437 --> 00:20:50,397 I appreciate that. 268 00:20:52,108 --> 00:20:54,735 Is there a reason why you're giving me a hard time? 269 00:20:56,612 --> 00:20:59,531 Am I giving you a hard time? 270 00:20:59,656 --> 00:21:03,075 Well, I don't know. 271 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,537 - How you doin'? - Who are you? 272 00:21:05,621 --> 00:21:07,247 I'm your Uncle Buck. 273 00:21:08,123 --> 00:21:10,416 - Do I have an uncle? - Unfortunately. 274 00:21:12,002 --> 00:21:13,420 Holy smokes! 275 00:21:13,503 --> 00:21:15,713 He's cooking our garbage. 276 00:21:22,387 --> 00:21:24,764 Where's your sister-- 277 00:21:24,847 --> 00:21:28,350 Her name is Maizy, for the second time. 278 00:21:29,644 --> 00:21:32,104 Sorry. 279 00:21:33,397 --> 00:21:35,774 You must be hungry. 280 00:21:35,858 --> 00:21:38,235 Just for you. 281 00:21:38,319 --> 00:21:42,364 Oh, my God! He put onions in the eggs. 282 00:21:42,489 --> 00:21:44,282 I'm gonna check on Maizy. 283 00:21:44,366 --> 00:21:47,619 I'll fix you cereal when I get back. 284 00:22:04,135 --> 00:22:06,345 - Can I ask you something? - What? 285 00:22:07,430 --> 00:22:09,306 Is she always this pleasant? 286 00:22:09,432 --> 00:22:12,518 No, she's usually in a bad mood in the morning. 287 00:22:16,272 --> 00:22:19,608 Do you want knots in your hair? Cut it out. 288 00:22:19,733 --> 00:22:22,652 - I want Mom to do it. - Mom's not here. 289 00:22:22,778 --> 00:22:24,654 - She is too. - No, she's not. 290 00:22:24,780 --> 00:22:28,116 - She and Dad went to Indianapolis. - They did not. 291 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,660 - Okay, they didn't. - They did? 292 00:22:30,744 --> 00:22:33,496 Yes. And I'm taking care of you. 293 00:22:33,622 --> 00:22:36,166 But you can't drive. 294 00:22:37,792 --> 00:22:39,418 - Where do you live? - In the city. 295 00:22:39,544 --> 00:22:41,128 - Do you own a house? - Apartment. Rent. 296 00:22:41,212 --> 00:22:43,422 - What do you do for a living? - Lots of things. 297 00:22:43,548 --> 00:22:46,217 - Where's your office? - I don't have one. I don't need one. 298 00:22:46,300 --> 00:22:49,094 - Where's your wife? - Don't have one. It's a long story. 299 00:22:49,178 --> 00:22:52,264 - Do you have kids? - I don't. It's an even longer story. 300 00:22:52,390 --> 00:22:55,142 - Are you my dad's brother? - What's your record for questions asked? 301 00:22:55,226 --> 00:22:57,895 - Thirty-eight. - I'm your dad's brother. 302 00:22:57,978 --> 00:23:00,188 You have more nose hair than my dad. 303 00:23:00,314 --> 00:23:02,691 - Nice of you to notice. - I'm a kid. That's my job. 304 00:23:36,724 --> 00:23:39,726 That is my car. 305 00:24:00,079 --> 00:24:02,372 Tying your shoe? 306 00:24:08,838 --> 00:24:13,050 - What time should I pick you up? - Don't bother. I'll get a ride. 307 00:24:13,175 --> 00:24:15,218 No, I've got orders. What time? 308 00:24:16,303 --> 00:24:18,847 Are you really this stupid? I said I would get a ride. 309 00:24:18,972 --> 00:24:20,598 I always get a ride. 310 00:24:20,724 --> 00:24:23,810 I'll call the school, find out what time and meet you here. 311 00:24:23,894 --> 00:24:27,147 Go ahead, call the school. I won't be here. 312 00:24:27,272 --> 00:24:30,691 Stand me up today, and tomorrow... 313 00:24:30,775 --> 00:24:34,987 I'll drive you to school in my pajamas and walk you to your first class. 314 00:24:35,947 --> 00:24:40,493 - 4:00 okay? - I'm stunned I'm related to you. 315 00:24:41,661 --> 00:24:44,455 You get the pole out of your keister, we'll get along fine. 316 00:24:47,416 --> 00:24:50,168 Did you ever have anyone embarrass you like this? 317 00:24:58,969 --> 00:25:01,179 No. 318 00:25:17,862 --> 00:25:21,115 - You think she hates me? - With a passion. 319 00:25:21,199 --> 00:25:24,201 - Is it the hat? - No. 320 00:25:24,327 --> 00:25:29,456 A lot of people hate this hat. The sight of it angers people. 321 00:25:29,540 --> 00:25:32,793 I'll tell you a story about that on the way to school. 322 00:25:37,381 --> 00:25:39,257 Right. Listen, Buck. 323 00:25:39,383 --> 00:25:43,220 For eight years you have been making plans and breaking plans. 324 00:25:43,345 --> 00:25:45,388 What are you talking about? 325 00:25:45,514 --> 00:25:49,434 Didn't we talk last night about this? 326 00:25:49,559 --> 00:25:52,478 What did we talk about? Me playing the father! 327 00:25:52,604 --> 00:25:56,899 I'm glad you can do it for your brother. You sure can't do it for me. 328 00:25:56,983 --> 00:25:59,610 How could I do it for you? We don't have kids. 329 00:25:59,694 --> 00:26:01,821 What are you talking about? 330 00:26:01,904 --> 00:26:05,490 Buck, I know you think the job is pointless... 331 00:26:05,616 --> 00:26:09,035 and in some way I'm trying to manipulate you and control you... 332 00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:12,122 and ruin your life. 333 00:26:12,206 --> 00:26:16,835 I have to fill the position. It's important to the company and me. 334 00:26:16,961 --> 00:26:20,297 Unless you tell me different, I'll offer the job to somebody else. 335 00:26:20,422 --> 00:26:25,385 Give me a week to think about it. I don't know how long I'll be here. 336 00:26:25,469 --> 00:26:28,638 If, during that week... 337 00:26:28,764 --> 00:26:31,558 you see somebody who will fill the bill... 338 00:26:31,641 --> 00:26:34,477 hire him on a part-time basis or whatever. 339 00:26:34,561 --> 00:26:39,190 That way I'll make up my mind and we'll see where we are at that point. 340 00:26:39,274 --> 00:26:41,651 Okay, I have to go now. 341 00:26:41,734 --> 00:26:43,777 Bye-bye, hon. 342 00:26:54,580 --> 00:26:56,957 Eight more. Come on. 343 00:26:57,041 --> 00:26:59,251 Work it. Get the circulation going. 344 00:26:59,376 --> 00:27:01,252 Step it up. 345 00:27:02,254 --> 00:27:03,963 Isn 't peace wonderful? 346 00:27:04,089 --> 00:27:08,801 MikhaiI Gorbachev, the most improbable evil emperor in captivity... 347 00:27:08,927 --> 00:27:11,137 captivates Manhattan... 348 00:27:11,221 --> 00:27:16,184 wows the U.N. by announcing a unilateral cut in the Soviet military... 349 00:27:16,309 --> 00:27:21,021 smiles and waves with erstwhile cold warriors RonaId Reagan-- 350 00:27:33,033 --> 00:27:36,870 And the stock market has its best week since July. 351 00:27:36,954 --> 00:27:38,830 Take that, Karl Marx. 352 00:28:09,402 --> 00:28:12,196 Would you like to talk about a possible lunch trade? 353 00:29:01,452 --> 00:29:03,745 Cover your ears. Just do it. 354 00:29:10,502 --> 00:29:14,088 Do you know how whipped an engine has to be to blow that loud? 355 00:29:22,597 --> 00:29:24,557 Call me. 356 00:29:26,142 --> 00:29:29,311 You ever hear of a tune-up? 357 00:29:31,397 --> 00:29:34,274 You ever hear of a ritual killing? 358 00:29:35,526 --> 00:29:36,902 I don't get it. 359 00:29:37,027 --> 00:29:39,779 Gnaw on her face in public like that again and you'll be one. 360 00:29:51,333 --> 00:29:53,793 - Are you crazy? - I can be. 361 00:29:53,877 --> 00:29:56,546 - You could've taken his head off. - But would he notice? 362 00:29:56,629 --> 00:29:59,006 Can we get something straight? 363 00:29:59,132 --> 00:30:01,425 The guy's a predator and you're his prey. 364 00:30:01,551 --> 00:30:03,260 - Really? - You bet. 365 00:30:03,344 --> 00:30:06,054 - How do you know? - When I was his age, I was the guy... 366 00:30:06,139 --> 00:30:09,058 zooming the girls like you. 367 00:30:09,141 --> 00:30:10,934 Pretty face, big chip on your shoulder. 368 00:30:11,018 --> 00:30:13,770 I recommend you stay out of my personal life. 369 00:30:14,688 --> 00:30:16,564 Do your parents stay out of your personal life? 370 00:30:16,690 --> 00:30:19,776 They don't know my personal life. 371 00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:25,073 - Have they met Twiddle Dink? - His name is Bug. 372 00:30:27,743 --> 00:30:29,870 - First or last? - First. 373 00:30:29,995 --> 00:30:32,831 What's his last name, Spray? 374 00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:37,877 You should talk, Buck. 375 00:30:55,936 --> 00:30:58,063 No. No. 376 00:30:58,147 --> 00:31:01,900 N- O. Don't look at me like that. 377 00:31:02,985 --> 00:31:04,945 Don't! 378 00:31:05,028 --> 00:31:07,155 That's not fair. 379 00:31:12,452 --> 00:31:16,289 Don't you have a favorite doll or something? 380 00:31:16,372 --> 00:31:19,958 Why don't we get your doll and put your dad's pajamas on him? 381 00:31:26,924 --> 00:31:29,593 Your brother! What about your brother? 382 00:31:30,928 --> 00:31:32,888 How about the dog? You know the dog. 383 00:31:38,936 --> 00:31:41,146 You can't. You just can't. 384 00:31:42,731 --> 00:31:45,024 It's a new law. That's it. 385 00:31:45,108 --> 00:31:47,235 It's in the books. 386 00:31:48,570 --> 00:31:50,530 You don't want to sleep with me. 387 00:31:51,573 --> 00:31:54,659 Can somebody get that, please? 388 00:31:56,244 --> 00:31:59,497 Do I have to do everything around here? 389 00:32:04,252 --> 00:32:07,254 - Yo. - Hi, sweetie. How are you? 390 00:32:07,338 --> 00:32:11,466 Fine. I'm earning my keep. Uncle Buck's got me bustin' my hump. 391 00:32:11,592 --> 00:32:14,469 He says hard work wiII put hair on my chest. 392 00:32:14,553 --> 00:32:16,262 At least I'm Iearning a trade. 393 00:32:16,388 --> 00:32:19,974 That's good. Grandpa's feeling better. 394 00:32:20,100 --> 00:32:23,269 He sends you big hugs and kisses. 395 00:32:23,395 --> 00:32:25,021 Tell him to hang in there. 396 00:32:26,315 --> 00:32:29,985 - Can you get Uncle Buck? - Will do, chickie. 397 00:32:30,068 --> 00:32:31,527 Mom? 398 00:32:31,611 --> 00:32:33,988 - Hi. - Next time you take off... 399 00:32:34,114 --> 00:32:36,783 why don't you hire a murderer to watch the house? 400 00:32:36,866 --> 00:32:39,493 This guy's a joke. 401 00:32:39,577 --> 00:32:43,163 Why don't you go your way and let him go his? 402 00:32:44,165 --> 00:32:46,542 While he systematically dismantles my life? 403 00:32:46,667 --> 00:32:49,836 Another drawback is that I'm a big drooler. 404 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:53,256 You could wake up thinking you were asleep in a swamp. 405 00:32:53,340 --> 00:32:56,134 - Mom's on the phone. - Good. I'll be right there. 406 00:32:56,218 --> 00:32:59,220 The guy took off and left Miles and Maizy alone. 407 00:33:00,889 --> 00:33:03,808 Plus he drinks. 408 00:33:03,892 --> 00:33:07,145 - Did you brush your teeth? - Yeah. Feel my toothbrush. 409 00:33:07,229 --> 00:33:11,524 I have a friend who works at the crime lab at the police station. 410 00:33:11,650 --> 00:33:14,736 I could give him your toothbrush and he could run a test on it to see... 411 00:33:14,819 --> 00:33:18,739 if you actually brushed your teeth or ran your toothbrush under the faucet. 412 00:33:27,081 --> 00:33:31,335 If that's true, we're going to really have to start brushing our teeth. 413 00:33:32,711 --> 00:33:34,087 How are you? 414 00:33:34,171 --> 00:33:37,757 - I'm okay. How's everything? - Good, good. 415 00:33:37,841 --> 00:33:40,593 - You sure? - Everything is fine here. 416 00:33:40,677 --> 00:33:43,221 - Everything's fine. - Kids are okay? 417 00:33:43,347 --> 00:33:46,349 The kids are great! We're having a great time together. 418 00:33:46,475 --> 00:33:48,101 How's your dad? 419 00:33:48,185 --> 00:33:50,729 He's okay. He's getting better. Thanks. 420 00:33:50,854 --> 00:33:52,981 That's good news. That's encouraging. 421 00:33:53,106 --> 00:33:55,316 I've got a good feeling about this. He's gonna be fine. 422 00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:57,527 I got a few questions for you. 423 00:33:57,652 --> 00:34:01,155 You got an interesting set of plates in the living room. 424 00:34:01,281 --> 00:34:02,865 - Are they old? - Yeah. 425 00:34:02,949 --> 00:34:04,325 They are. 426 00:34:05,535 --> 00:34:07,578 Where would you find something like that? 427 00:34:07,703 --> 00:34:09,996 In an antique shop downtown? 428 00:34:11,832 --> 00:34:13,208 In England. 429 00:34:20,466 --> 00:34:22,926 How many times a day do you feed a dog like that? 430 00:34:23,051 --> 00:34:27,597 How many times a day do you think he eats? 431 00:34:27,723 --> 00:34:29,266 Four or five. 432 00:34:29,349 --> 00:34:32,268 He eats once a day. 433 00:34:32,394 --> 00:34:34,854 Just once. 434 00:34:34,938 --> 00:34:38,191 What does he like to drink? Water? 435 00:34:38,274 --> 00:34:41,777 Yes, he drinks water. I would keep water out. 436 00:34:41,903 --> 00:34:44,989 I've been leaving the toilet seats up. 437 00:34:45,073 --> 00:34:46,949 Yeah. 438 00:34:47,074 --> 00:34:49,117 The blue water's not good for him? 439 00:34:51,370 --> 00:34:53,747 That might account for something. 440 00:34:53,873 --> 00:34:56,083 Nothing. 441 00:34:56,166 --> 00:34:59,252 Just an odd coloration out on the grass. 442 00:35:00,087 --> 00:35:01,546 Buck... 443 00:35:03,674 --> 00:35:07,260 I want you to know it makes me feel secure to know you're there. 444 00:35:10,764 --> 00:35:12,140 Thank you very much. 445 00:35:12,265 --> 00:35:14,225 Okay, bye-bye. 446 00:35:20,982 --> 00:35:22,441 Bob? 447 00:36:57,491 --> 00:36:58,867 Cindy? 448 00:37:08,210 --> 00:37:09,836 Open up. 449 00:37:12,464 --> 00:37:13,882 Hello? 450 00:37:22,598 --> 00:37:24,641 I'm getting mad. All right. 451 00:37:24,767 --> 00:37:27,060 Get ready. Here I come. 452 00:37:27,186 --> 00:37:30,856 Come on! Do I have to talk dirty to you? 453 00:37:30,940 --> 00:37:33,317 Open up for daddy. 454 00:37:33,442 --> 00:37:35,318 There we go. 455 00:37:35,444 --> 00:37:37,904 Nice and easy. 456 00:37:38,030 --> 00:37:40,740 Come on, here we go. Take that! 457 00:37:40,824 --> 00:37:42,784 You don't want the crowbar, do you? Come on! 458 00:37:44,244 --> 00:37:45,662 Open up! 459 00:37:45,746 --> 00:37:47,164 Come on! 460 00:37:47,247 --> 00:37:50,166 I'm gonna shove my load into you whether you like it or not. 461 00:37:50,250 --> 00:37:51,793 Come on! 462 00:37:51,918 --> 00:37:55,337 Come on, you son of a bitch, open up. 463 00:38:14,982 --> 00:38:17,359 - Freeze! - Who are you? 464 00:38:17,443 --> 00:38:19,987 - Cindy! - She's in Indianapolis. 465 00:38:20,112 --> 00:38:23,782 - What's she doing in Indianapolis? - Her father had a heart attack. 466 00:38:23,866 --> 00:38:27,035 Who are you, and how do you know her father had a heart attack? 467 00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:28,786 I'm her brother-in-law. 468 00:38:28,870 --> 00:38:31,747 Yeah? Who you talking dirty to? 469 00:38:33,959 --> 00:38:35,335 The washing machine. 470 00:38:35,460 --> 00:38:38,879 I don't know how to work it, so I was kicking it and swearing at it... 471 00:38:38,963 --> 00:38:42,466 which is not an uncommon thing to do. 472 00:38:42,550 --> 00:38:44,426 And you thought-- 473 00:38:45,636 --> 00:38:48,096 - I apologize. - Okay. 474 00:38:50,099 --> 00:38:51,975 Boy, that's funny. 475 00:38:53,644 --> 00:38:55,854 I live across the street. 476 00:38:55,938 --> 00:38:58,857 - My name is Marcie. - Buck Russell. 477 00:39:00,109 --> 00:39:01,527 Marcie Dahlgren-Frost. 478 00:39:01,610 --> 00:39:04,529 Dahlgren is my maiden name. Frost is my married name. 479 00:39:04,613 --> 00:39:07,782 I'm single again, but I never bothered to lose the Frost. 480 00:39:09,451 --> 00:39:13,371 - I get compliments on the hyphen. - I'm sure you would. 481 00:39:14,539 --> 00:39:16,666 I came to invite Cindy to lunch... 482 00:39:16,791 --> 00:39:19,543 but since she's not here, do you have plans? 483 00:39:19,669 --> 00:39:23,005 I've got a lot of things to do around here. 484 00:39:23,131 --> 00:39:24,465 Rain check? 485 00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:27,676 I'm only gonna be here a couple days. 486 00:39:27,802 --> 00:39:30,262 Cindy said it would only be a couple of days? 487 00:39:30,346 --> 00:39:32,723 She didn't specify. I just assumed. 488 00:39:32,807 --> 00:39:35,559 My father's heart attack, I was out of town three weeks. 489 00:39:35,643 --> 00:39:38,103 No wonder Cindy didn't call me. 490 00:39:38,228 --> 00:39:42,231 You need a relative for an imposition of this size. 491 00:39:51,366 --> 00:39:53,159 Waiting for your sex? 492 00:39:53,285 --> 00:39:54,911 Shut up! 493 00:39:54,995 --> 00:39:56,621 Tia? 494 00:40:01,376 --> 00:40:03,836 Why'd you blow all that makeup? We're just going bowling. 495 00:40:05,088 --> 00:40:06,672 I'm not going bowling. 496 00:40:06,756 --> 00:40:10,509 It's a great sport, and it's impossible to get pregnant while doing it... 497 00:40:10,593 --> 00:40:12,469 if you catch my drift. 498 00:40:12,595 --> 00:40:17,141 You're disgusting. I'll die before I go anywhere with you. 499 00:40:17,266 --> 00:40:20,018 - It's going to be fun. - They have rent-a-shoes. 500 00:40:20,102 --> 00:40:22,229 And rent-a-foot-disease. 501 00:40:22,354 --> 00:40:26,024 We've done the battle of the wills. The deck's stacked in my favor. 502 00:40:26,149 --> 00:40:28,192 You'll lose again. 503 00:40:28,318 --> 00:40:29,694 Try me. 504 00:40:29,820 --> 00:40:32,989 How'd you like to spend the next few nights wondering... 505 00:40:33,073 --> 00:40:35,366 if your crazy, out-of-work bum uncle... 506 00:40:35,450 --> 00:40:38,619 will shave your head while you sleep? 507 00:40:38,745 --> 00:40:41,205 See you in the car. 508 00:41:16,740 --> 00:41:18,950 Come on up. 509 00:41:20,201 --> 00:41:22,745 There you go. This is a bowling ball. 510 00:41:57,654 --> 00:42:00,990 How you doing? Never seen you here before. 511 00:42:01,115 --> 00:42:05,160 I know about everybody. That's why they call me ''Pal.'' 512 00:42:06,245 --> 00:42:10,290 Buy you a beer? You must be a college student. 513 00:42:11,500 --> 00:42:13,877 Cheerleader probably. 514 00:42:15,212 --> 00:42:17,255 You look firm. 515 00:42:17,381 --> 00:42:20,008 Give it a push. That's it. 516 00:42:20,092 --> 00:42:23,595 You like all-terrain vehicles? 517 00:42:23,679 --> 00:42:29,017 I've got a brand-new Bronco right out in the parking lot. Red. 518 00:42:29,101 --> 00:42:31,144 Want to go for a ride? 519 00:42:35,982 --> 00:42:38,442 If the object of the game were to get the ball as close to the pins... 520 00:42:38,568 --> 00:42:40,695 without knocking any of them over... 521 00:42:40,820 --> 00:42:43,280 you would be champion of the world. 522 00:42:43,364 --> 00:42:45,407 - Really? - Really. 523 00:42:51,747 --> 00:42:55,417 My throat hurts. I can't talk. 524 00:42:55,501 --> 00:42:57,711 I've got a cure for that. 525 00:43:04,593 --> 00:43:06,636 You got a game going? 526 00:43:06,762 --> 00:43:10,515 You're not going to get any strikes sitting there, are you? Move it! 527 00:43:10,599 --> 00:43:12,058 Get out! 528 00:43:14,978 --> 00:43:17,688 Shithead, where the hell you been? 529 00:43:23,277 --> 00:43:25,570 Sit down. I want you to meet my niece. 530 00:43:25,655 --> 00:43:27,531 Tia, this is Rog. Rog, Tia. 531 00:43:27,615 --> 00:43:31,910 How are you? E. Roger Coswell. 532 00:43:31,994 --> 00:43:35,247 Come on, it ain't gonna bite. 533 00:43:36,582 --> 00:43:39,668 Okay. You've got to let somebody know where you are. 534 00:43:39,793 --> 00:43:42,253 I've been checking car trunks for your corpse. 535 00:43:42,379 --> 00:43:47,008 I'm sorry. I've been in the suburbs watching my brother's kids a few days. 536 00:43:47,134 --> 00:43:48,760 They're cuties. 537 00:43:48,885 --> 00:43:51,721 Art Linkletter was right. Kids do say the goddamnedest things. 538 00:43:51,805 --> 00:43:53,264 Is Chanice here? 539 00:43:54,432 --> 00:43:56,392 I'm flying solo tonight. 540 00:43:56,518 --> 00:43:58,394 I want to let her have it for not marrying you. 541 00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:02,357 If she'd marry your worthless butt, I would be able to find you. 542 00:44:02,482 --> 00:44:05,192 I gotta talk business. I can't find you. 543 00:44:05,276 --> 00:44:08,195 Why don't we step into my office then? 544 00:44:08,279 --> 00:44:11,198 Excuse us. Come on, big mouth. 545 00:44:11,323 --> 00:44:14,909 - It was nice meeting you. - I'll remember it always. 546 00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:19,498 Cute kid. 547 00:44:20,541 --> 00:44:23,960 - Jimmy Bean called. - Yeah? 548 00:44:24,044 --> 00:44:27,213 He's coming in for the Winter Million at Burlington Park on Friday. 549 00:44:27,297 --> 00:44:31,843 He says it's a boat race, very easy money. He owes you and me. 550 00:44:31,927 --> 00:44:36,389 He says to show up an hour before post time and he'll give us the tip. 551 00:44:36,514 --> 00:44:40,434 Consider this, Buck. With this score, your whole year's covered. 552 00:44:45,565 --> 00:44:47,441 Maybe I can make it work. 553 00:44:48,526 --> 00:44:50,402 I'll see you Friday night. 554 00:44:50,528 --> 00:44:51,987 Thanks, Rog. 555 00:44:52,113 --> 00:44:54,240 Watch the Sterno, will you? 556 00:44:59,411 --> 00:45:01,120 Watch your fingers. 557 00:45:05,167 --> 00:45:07,544 What's a ''Chanice''? 558 00:45:07,669 --> 00:45:10,129 That's someone who's sometimes seen around a Buck. 559 00:45:10,255 --> 00:45:12,465 Your girlfriend? 560 00:45:12,549 --> 00:45:15,176 A friend. And, yes, she is a girl. 561 00:45:15,260 --> 00:45:17,136 Are you supposed to marry her? 562 00:45:17,220 --> 00:45:20,973 The subject has come up, but nothing serious. 563 00:45:21,057 --> 00:45:24,226 Maybe if you got married, you'd stop being such an asshole. 564 00:45:29,607 --> 00:45:32,776 - Cigar? - No, thanks. 565 00:45:32,860 --> 00:45:35,320 - Let me know if you change your mind. - I will. 566 00:45:36,864 --> 00:45:39,324 I'll get it nice and juicy for you. 567 00:45:48,166 --> 00:45:53,129 This is where you separate the men from the boys. 568 00:45:55,131 --> 00:45:56,632 Easy. Easy. 569 00:45:56,716 --> 00:46:00,719 There you go. Yeah, I got you now. 570 00:46:11,897 --> 00:46:14,274 Happy birthday! 571 00:46:17,111 --> 00:46:19,821 I hope you're hungry. 572 00:46:19,905 --> 00:46:23,575 You should see the toast. I couldn't get it through the door. 573 00:46:32,626 --> 00:46:36,671 Announcement here. There's going to be a delay on the clown. 574 00:46:36,755 --> 00:46:40,091 - What clown? - Miles' mom hired a clown. 575 00:46:56,106 --> 00:46:57,815 You don't like clowns? 576 00:46:57,942 --> 00:47:00,778 Yeah, about five years ago. Now they're so boring... 577 00:47:00,861 --> 00:47:03,488 they make me puke. 578 00:47:03,572 --> 00:47:08,618 The vest, the flower. Screw them. That's all they get. 579 00:47:11,163 --> 00:47:14,165 I'm Pooter the Clown. Put it there. 580 00:47:16,835 --> 00:47:18,253 Kids will love that. 581 00:47:18,336 --> 00:47:20,713 I didn't order you. My sister-in-law did. 582 00:47:20,797 --> 00:47:23,090 She's not here. I'm the uncle. 583 00:47:23,174 --> 00:47:26,760 - Buck Russell's the name. - I'm sorry I'm late. 584 00:47:26,886 --> 00:47:30,222 I was at this all-night bachelorette party. 585 00:47:30,348 --> 00:47:32,224 Need any dildo jokes? 586 00:47:32,349 --> 00:47:34,309 I'm the guy! 587 00:47:38,147 --> 00:47:40,440 Did you have a few drinks this morning? 588 00:47:41,692 --> 00:47:43,276 I think you did, didn't you? 589 00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:46,946 Are you Mother Cabrini? You never touch the stuff? 590 00:47:47,072 --> 00:47:51,367 No, but I wouldn't be drinking if I was gonna entertain some kids. 591 00:47:51,451 --> 00:47:55,121 I don't have to take any shit from you. You know who I am? 592 00:47:55,246 --> 00:47:59,291 In the field of local, live home entertainment, I'm a god! 593 00:48:01,044 --> 00:48:04,714 Get in your mouse and get out of here. 594 00:48:04,797 --> 00:48:07,466 Let me tell you something, you lowlife... 595 00:48:07,550 --> 00:48:10,344 lying, four-flushing sack of shit. 596 00:48:33,742 --> 00:48:36,452 Let's go out to the car. 597 00:48:38,371 --> 00:48:40,748 Why? 598 00:48:41,874 --> 00:48:44,084 What do you mean ''why''? 599 00:48:48,714 --> 00:48:50,841 Not now. 600 00:48:50,966 --> 00:48:52,384 It's fine. 601 00:48:54,512 --> 00:48:56,805 It's not fine. 602 00:48:56,931 --> 00:48:58,390 Why not? 603 00:48:59,892 --> 00:49:01,935 I don't feel right yet. 604 00:49:03,812 --> 00:49:06,105 You ever going to feel right? 605 00:49:11,570 --> 00:49:13,446 I don't get where we're going. 606 00:49:13,571 --> 00:49:16,407 I told you 25 times. We're going to pick up Tia. 607 00:49:16,491 --> 00:49:20,328 - She's eating at a cheerleader's house. - So she says. 608 00:49:20,411 --> 00:49:23,914 Since when do cheerleaders live in the woods? 609 00:49:27,210 --> 00:49:29,086 I'll take you home. 610 00:49:31,297 --> 00:49:33,757 I don't want to go home. 611 00:49:37,553 --> 00:49:39,346 I'm okay. 612 00:49:39,471 --> 00:49:40,889 Sure? 613 00:49:45,519 --> 00:49:46,978 Trust me. 614 00:49:58,948 --> 00:50:00,366 Shit! 615 00:50:17,007 --> 00:50:19,467 Well, well, well. 616 00:50:19,551 --> 00:50:23,221 They are scraping the bottom of the barrel for cheerleaders these days. 617 00:50:24,598 --> 00:50:26,725 What are you doing here? 618 00:50:26,808 --> 00:50:30,978 We were going out for ice cream. Thought you might like to join us. 619 00:50:31,062 --> 00:50:35,065 I said I'd be home at 10:00. It's not even 9:00. 620 00:50:38,153 --> 00:50:42,365 Who said anything about that? I thought you'd like to join us for ice cream. 621 00:50:42,448 --> 00:50:46,618 Maybe your ''Bug'' here can join us. We can talk about burying the hatchet. 622 00:50:46,702 --> 00:50:49,955 - Do you know what a hatchet is, Bug? - It's an ax? 623 00:50:50,081 --> 00:50:52,208 Sort of, yeah. 624 00:50:52,291 --> 00:50:54,668 I got one in the car if you'd like to see it. 625 00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:58,297 - I'll pass. - Fair enough. 626 00:50:58,380 --> 00:51:03,509 I like to carry it. You never know when you're going to need it. 627 00:51:03,594 --> 00:51:06,513 A situation may come up. 628 00:51:06,596 --> 00:51:09,140 For example, someone's been drinking... 629 00:51:09,266 --> 00:51:11,810 and about to drive a loved one home. 630 00:51:11,935 --> 00:51:14,145 Then I like to know I have it. 631 00:51:14,229 --> 00:51:17,982 Not to kill, no. Just to maim. 632 00:51:18,107 --> 00:51:20,901 Take a little off the shoulder. 633 00:51:21,903 --> 00:51:24,030 The elbow. Shave a little meat... 634 00:51:24,113 --> 00:51:26,323 off the old kneecap. 635 00:51:27,783 --> 00:51:29,826 You got both kneecaps? 636 00:51:29,910 --> 00:51:35,540 I like to keep mine razor-sharp. Sharp enough to shave with them. 637 00:51:35,624 --> 00:51:38,168 I've been known to circumcise a gnat. 638 00:51:38,294 --> 00:51:40,671 You're not a gnat, are you, Bug? 639 00:51:40,754 --> 00:51:42,714 Wait a minute. 640 00:51:42,798 --> 00:51:44,758 Bug. Gnat. 641 00:51:46,468 --> 00:51:48,845 Is there a similarity there? 642 00:51:50,680 --> 00:51:53,224 Whoa, I think there is. 643 00:51:55,643 --> 00:51:57,936 You understand what I'm talking about? 644 00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:04,359 I don't think you do. I'll be right back. 645 00:52:11,117 --> 00:52:13,327 I'm sorry. 646 00:52:13,410 --> 00:52:15,453 I think you'd better split. 647 00:52:15,538 --> 00:52:17,915 I don't want him going berserk with an ax on me. 648 00:52:17,998 --> 00:52:19,416 He's all talk. 649 00:52:19,500 --> 00:52:22,210 Here it is! 650 00:52:22,294 --> 00:52:25,964 Come on over! I want to show it to you. 651 00:52:27,466 --> 00:52:28,842 Maybe later. 652 00:52:37,016 --> 00:52:41,395 He's gone in a few days. Just relax. 653 00:52:42,939 --> 00:52:45,066 I'll get him back. 654 00:52:59,204 --> 00:53:02,623 That's a stupid thing to do during flu season. 655 00:53:02,749 --> 00:53:05,126 I bet she's getting the tongue. 656 00:54:07,562 --> 00:54:08,938 Just looking. 657 00:55:28,264 --> 00:55:29,348 Next. 658 00:55:32,184 --> 00:55:35,270 Let me go in first. I'll cover for you. 659 00:55:35,354 --> 00:55:39,399 Give you more time to relax. All right? 660 00:55:46,740 --> 00:55:48,449 Morning. 661 00:55:55,832 --> 00:55:57,792 I'm Anita Hoargarth. 662 00:55:57,917 --> 00:56:02,045 Buck Melanoma, Moley Russell's wart. 663 00:56:05,007 --> 00:56:09,219 Not her wart. I'm the wart. 664 00:56:09,303 --> 00:56:13,306 She's my tumor, my growth, my pimple. 665 00:56:13,390 --> 00:56:15,350 I'm ''Uncle Wart.'' 666 00:56:15,434 --> 00:56:17,644 Just old Buck ''Wart'' Russell, they call me. 667 00:56:17,728 --> 00:56:21,147 Or Melanoma Head. They'll call me that. 668 00:56:21,273 --> 00:56:23,483 ''Melanoma Head's'' coming. 669 00:56:23,609 --> 00:56:27,988 I'm sor-- Uncle, Maizy Russell's uncle. I'm her uncle. 670 00:56:29,197 --> 00:56:32,116 Her mother set up this conference with you. 671 00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:34,827 I'm assistant principal here... 672 00:56:34,911 --> 00:56:39,123 as you've probably noticed from the indications on the door. 673 00:56:42,460 --> 00:56:44,503 - This door? - The outer door! 674 00:56:44,629 --> 00:56:47,381 The outer door. 'Cause there's nothing on this one. 675 00:56:47,465 --> 00:56:49,425 That's about enough of that. 676 00:56:51,135 --> 00:56:52,761 Sorry. 677 00:56:54,096 --> 00:56:59,684 I've been an educator for 31.3 years... 678 00:56:59,768 --> 00:57:03,187 and in that time, I've seen a lot of bad eggs. 679 00:57:03,313 --> 00:57:06,732 I say ''eggs'' because at the elementary level... 680 00:57:06,858 --> 00:57:09,944 we are not dealing with fully-developed individuals. 681 00:57:13,573 --> 00:57:18,702 I see a bad egg when I look at your niece. 682 00:57:18,828 --> 00:57:21,830 She is a twiddler, a dreamer... 683 00:57:21,956 --> 00:57:25,375 a silly heart and she is a jabberbox. 684 00:57:25,501 --> 00:57:27,628 And, frankly... 685 00:57:27,753 --> 00:57:30,422 I don't think she takes a thing... 686 00:57:30,506 --> 00:57:35,385 in her life or her career as a student seriously. 687 00:57:37,304 --> 00:57:39,013 She's only six. 688 00:57:39,139 --> 00:57:44,435 That is not a valid excuse! I hear that every day and I dismiss it. 689 00:57:44,519 --> 00:57:48,439 I don't want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer or a silly heart. 690 00:57:48,523 --> 00:57:52,818 I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. 691 00:57:52,903 --> 00:57:56,656 I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. 692 00:57:58,116 --> 00:58:02,662 Does anyone have a special story to tell about something that happened? 693 00:58:04,664 --> 00:58:06,707 My uncle was microwaving my socks... 694 00:58:06,791 --> 00:58:09,710 and the dog threw up on the couch for about an hour. 695 00:58:09,835 --> 00:58:13,338 Honest? Why was your uncle microwaving your socks? 696 00:58:13,422 --> 00:58:16,508 He can't get the goddamn washing machine to work. 697 00:58:16,634 --> 00:58:18,343 Blasphemer! 698 00:58:18,427 --> 00:58:21,137 I know a good kid when I see one. 699 00:58:21,221 --> 00:58:23,264 Because they're all good kids... 700 00:58:23,348 --> 00:58:26,267 until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you... 701 00:58:26,351 --> 00:58:28,811 drag them down and convince them they're no good. 702 00:58:28,937 --> 00:58:32,774 You so much as scowl at my niece or any other kid in this school... 703 00:58:32,857 --> 00:58:35,609 and I hear about it, I'm coming looking for you. 704 00:58:38,154 --> 00:58:41,824 Take this quarter. Go downtown... 705 00:58:41,950 --> 00:58:44,410 and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face. 706 00:58:45,870 --> 00:58:48,163 Good day to you, madam. 707 00:58:55,588 --> 00:58:56,839 Next. 708 00:58:56,964 --> 00:58:59,174 Ah, yeah! 709 00:59:18,735 --> 00:59:21,571 Hi, Chanice. This is Terry. 710 00:59:21,654 --> 00:59:24,114 WaIt Bern-- 711 00:59:24,240 --> 00:59:28,786 Would you get with the program? Bernstein is his name. 712 00:59:28,869 --> 00:59:31,162 I forgot to give you the number. Don't get mad. 713 00:59:31,288 --> 00:59:34,290 I hope somebody knows what they're doing down there. 714 00:59:34,416 --> 00:59:36,793 Chanice? Buck. 715 00:59:38,587 --> 00:59:40,797 I hate these machines. 716 00:59:40,923 --> 00:59:44,426 I'm just calling to say I miss you. 717 00:59:45,844 --> 00:59:48,721 I know you probabIy don't beIieve it, but it's true. 718 00:59:48,805 --> 00:59:50,765 No, I haven't been drinking. 719 00:59:50,891 --> 00:59:53,101 I've been thinking a lot about you... 720 00:59:53,226 --> 00:59:55,102 and what we've taIked about the past weeks. 721 00:59:55,228 --> 00:59:57,021 I think about you all the time... 722 00:59:57,105 --> 01:00:00,691 and about those two dimples on your buns. 723 01:00:00,775 --> 01:00:02,318 Dimples. 724 01:00:02,443 --> 01:00:04,570 What did we call them? 725 01:00:04,654 --> 01:00:08,073 The right was Lyndon and the Ieft was Johnson. 726 01:00:08,157 --> 01:00:10,117 No, that was your boobs. 727 01:00:10,242 --> 01:00:13,578 No, your boobs were Minnie and Mickey. I remember that because of Disney WorId. 728 01:00:13,704 --> 01:00:15,914 And FeIix is what we caIIed your-- 729 01:00:17,374 --> 01:00:20,293 Goddamn kids! 730 01:00:20,377 --> 01:00:23,129 Okay, come on, you, get in the house. 731 01:00:23,213 --> 01:00:26,049 What are you doing out here making all this noise? 732 01:00:26,133 --> 01:00:28,593 Get in the house where you belong. Come on! 733 01:00:31,513 --> 01:00:35,266 - Who let the cat out? - We don't have a cat. 734 01:00:35,392 --> 01:00:37,602 Come on, get out. 735 01:00:37,685 --> 01:00:39,645 Go on, shoo! Shoo! 736 01:00:49,405 --> 01:00:51,365 Open up. 737 01:00:58,539 --> 01:00:59,539 Hello? 738 01:00:59,665 --> 01:01:03,168 Hi. May I speak to Buck Russell? This is a friend of his. 739 01:01:03,252 --> 01:01:04,836 Chanice KoboIowski. 740 01:01:07,005 --> 01:01:11,217 I'm sorry, Chanice. He's not here right now. 741 01:01:12,844 --> 01:01:16,013 - Can you tell me when he'll be back? - He went out with Marcie. 742 01:01:16,097 --> 01:01:18,933 The lady who lives across the street. 743 01:01:19,017 --> 01:01:21,144 They usually stay out pretty late. 744 01:01:25,606 --> 01:01:27,482 Do you want to leave a message? 745 01:01:34,406 --> 01:01:36,366 No, there's no message. 746 01:01:55,385 --> 01:01:57,261 No message. 747 01:02:22,494 --> 01:02:23,870 Hot! 748 01:02:37,258 --> 01:02:42,638 - Is there a big sexy guy in here? - Please don't let it be true. 749 01:02:45,266 --> 01:02:49,103 Oh, my God! What are you doing? 750 01:02:49,186 --> 01:02:51,479 The laundry. What's it look like? 751 01:02:51,605 --> 01:02:55,191 Washing machine's still broken so I thought I'd use the microwave. 752 01:02:55,317 --> 01:02:58,069 Nuke them up. Heats them up pretty good. 753 01:02:58,195 --> 01:03:00,572 It kills the germs and odors that they cause. 754 01:03:00,697 --> 01:03:02,573 You don't know what you're doing. 755 01:03:02,699 --> 01:03:06,202 You're bored out of your mind. You need adult supervision. 756 01:03:07,287 --> 01:03:08,621 Excuse me? 757 01:03:23,553 --> 01:03:27,056 - Come on. - I don't want to dance. 758 01:03:27,181 --> 01:03:30,434 I don't feel like it. I'm not a dancer. This is ridiculous. 759 01:03:30,518 --> 01:03:32,645 I'm not gonna leave unless you do. 760 01:03:32,728 --> 01:03:35,272 Okay. One dance. That's it. 761 01:03:35,397 --> 01:03:38,483 I really have to take a nap and-- 762 01:03:38,567 --> 01:03:41,111 One dance. That's it. 763 01:03:50,579 --> 01:03:52,038 What's this? 764 01:03:54,416 --> 01:03:57,502 Come on. The dog is watching. What are you doing? 765 01:03:57,585 --> 01:04:00,045 Is that dirty dancing? 766 01:04:01,172 --> 01:04:04,008 Isn't that where you get the girl by the neck and dip her? 767 01:04:05,343 --> 01:04:06,594 Remember that? 768 01:04:06,719 --> 01:04:08,345 Dips. Dips. 769 01:04:18,105 --> 01:04:20,398 Am I bleeding? 770 01:04:21,733 --> 01:04:24,569 Will you get off? My back! 771 01:04:30,367 --> 01:04:32,494 Hello! 772 01:04:36,623 --> 01:04:38,583 I mean it. 773 01:04:40,793 --> 01:04:45,088 This is fun, isn't it? I guess. 774 01:04:45,214 --> 01:04:49,342 My aerobic workout today. Heart's beating like a rabbit here. 775 01:05:11,948 --> 01:05:13,324 Hi, Chanice. 776 01:05:14,492 --> 01:05:15,951 Surprise! 777 01:05:17,829 --> 01:05:20,039 - This is-- - Marcie. 778 01:05:23,835 --> 01:05:27,338 Yeah, Marcie. And she lives across the road. 779 01:05:27,463 --> 01:05:30,382 - She came over to-- - Shut up, Buck. 780 01:05:30,466 --> 01:05:32,593 That's a good idea. 781 01:05:34,428 --> 01:05:36,638 Is this who you were out with last night? 782 01:05:40,100 --> 01:05:43,519 What? I didn't go out last night. 783 01:05:45,647 --> 01:05:48,107 Honest! Honest! I'm telling you the truth. 784 01:05:48,191 --> 01:05:51,610 - You son of a bitch! - Don't say that. 785 01:05:51,695 --> 01:05:54,155 Don't walk away. Chanice! 786 01:05:55,198 --> 01:05:56,782 Come here! 787 01:05:56,866 --> 01:05:58,742 Come here, hon. 788 01:06:01,704 --> 01:06:02,788 Wait! 789 01:06:02,872 --> 01:06:04,915 Wait. Let me explain. 790 01:06:06,042 --> 01:06:08,878 Chanice, I'm warning you. You're wrecking the driveway. 791 01:06:11,672 --> 01:06:13,799 Come on! 792 01:06:13,883 --> 01:06:15,592 I love you! 793 01:06:33,568 --> 01:06:35,361 What flew up her nose? 794 01:06:41,951 --> 01:06:45,287 You better go home. Okay, Marcie? 795 01:06:45,413 --> 01:06:48,415 Pick up your records. The party's over. 796 01:06:58,467 --> 01:07:02,595 So, I'll just go home and wait for the Federal Express man. 797 01:07:11,438 --> 01:07:14,440 Good night, Uncle Buck. 798 01:07:14,566 --> 01:07:16,442 Good night, sweetheart. 799 01:07:25,868 --> 01:07:28,620 - Uncle Buck? - Yeah? 800 01:07:28,704 --> 01:07:32,541 - Got a minute? - I got lots of minutes. 801 01:07:32,625 --> 01:07:36,670 Now everything's okay with my grandpa, I want to go out tomorrow night. 802 01:07:36,754 --> 01:07:40,257 You can go crazy after I leave. Until then, I'm not letting you out. 803 01:07:46,888 --> 01:07:51,183 - You can't find any way to be cool? - You mean easy? No. 804 01:07:51,309 --> 01:07:53,602 - I mean decent! - You mean blind. 805 01:07:53,728 --> 01:07:58,023 Who are you trying to score points with? My parents? 806 01:07:58,149 --> 01:08:00,526 How many times have they had you here since we moved? 807 01:08:00,610 --> 01:08:04,029 Try none, until they went up shit creek and got stuck. 808 01:08:04,113 --> 01:08:06,865 Get used on your parents' time. 809 01:08:08,618 --> 01:08:10,578 Yeah? 810 01:08:10,661 --> 01:08:13,038 Have a bad day today? 811 01:08:15,833 --> 01:08:18,919 It hurts when someone screws with your life, doesn't it? 812 01:08:37,645 --> 01:08:39,188 Last call. 813 01:08:43,568 --> 01:08:45,695 There you go. 814 01:08:48,447 --> 01:08:50,490 A little for you, a little for me. 815 01:08:56,372 --> 01:08:57,956 Boy! 816 01:09:00,042 --> 01:09:05,005 People used to say to me, ''Buck, you are one lucky son of a bitch. 817 01:09:07,382 --> 01:09:09,759 You got it made, Buck.'' 818 01:09:09,885 --> 01:09:11,928 And I did. 819 01:09:12,053 --> 01:09:14,346 They'd say, ''Man, look at you. 820 01:09:14,431 --> 01:09:16,474 You don't have any kids, any wife. 821 01:09:16,558 --> 01:09:20,061 You don't have a desk, an office. 822 01:09:20,186 --> 01:09:23,522 You don't have a boss to worry about.'' 823 01:09:26,901 --> 01:09:30,320 They were right. I had it made. 824 01:09:35,868 --> 01:09:39,204 Only thing now is, Perce... 825 01:09:40,330 --> 01:09:42,957 nobody says that anymore. 826 01:09:47,337 --> 01:09:49,297 Oh, boy. 827 01:09:49,423 --> 01:09:51,466 But... 828 01:09:51,550 --> 01:09:53,927 it'll all be better tomorrow. 829 01:09:56,429 --> 01:09:58,389 It always is. 830 01:10:00,850 --> 01:10:04,520 Because tomorrow, we go to the track... 831 01:10:04,604 --> 01:10:08,357 win some dough, some serious dough. 832 01:10:12,445 --> 01:10:15,281 Make a lot of money tomorrow, kiddo. 833 01:10:15,364 --> 01:10:17,908 Want a little pretzel with your beer? 834 01:10:24,081 --> 01:10:26,291 U.B. went to school to pick you up. 835 01:10:26,375 --> 01:10:29,211 Tell U.B. when he gets home that he lost. Okay? 836 01:10:29,336 --> 01:10:30,962 Lost what? 837 01:10:31,087 --> 01:10:34,590 Just tell him. He'll know what it means. I'll see you guys Sunday. 838 01:10:34,674 --> 01:10:37,676 - What day is today? - Friday. 839 01:10:37,760 --> 01:10:40,512 - You know what that means. - Jumbo party. 840 01:10:40,597 --> 01:10:43,766 You can put that on a platter and serve it up hot. 841 01:11:43,991 --> 01:11:45,534 U.B.'s home. 842 01:11:45,617 --> 01:11:47,744 Tia? Tia! 843 01:11:47,869 --> 01:11:49,745 You guys seen Tia? 844 01:11:49,871 --> 01:11:51,497 She took a breeze. 845 01:11:54,834 --> 01:11:58,671 And she promised me she was going to look after you guys this evening. 846 01:11:58,796 --> 01:12:01,882 She promised me! So much for promises. 847 01:12:02,008 --> 01:12:04,969 Does anyone in this house know how to keep a promise? 848 01:12:05,052 --> 01:12:07,596 I know you two do. 849 01:12:07,722 --> 01:12:10,975 I had somewhere important to go tonight. 850 01:12:11,100 --> 01:12:13,310 This is how I make my living. 851 01:12:13,436 --> 01:12:17,106 This was very important to me. My whole year was based on tonight. 852 01:12:17,231 --> 01:12:20,817 It may be peanuts to your dad, but it's my living. 853 01:12:20,901 --> 01:12:25,196 I have no choice. I don't care what your parents will say. 854 01:12:25,322 --> 01:12:27,365 - I have to take you with me tonight. - Where? 855 01:12:27,449 --> 01:12:29,993 To a race track. 856 01:12:32,537 --> 01:12:35,790 Here we go. Do you have to go to the bathroom? 857 01:12:35,915 --> 01:12:37,791 - You sure? - Yep. 858 01:12:37,917 --> 01:12:41,253 This is going to be fun. Beautiful horses, interesting people. 859 01:12:42,547 --> 01:12:45,633 - And we'll win some serious coin? - Sometimes. 860 01:12:45,716 --> 01:12:49,386 That's not the real reason people go there. People go... 861 01:12:49,512 --> 01:12:52,931 because of the beautiful horses... 862 01:12:53,057 --> 01:12:55,517 and colorful jockeys, and-- 863 01:12:55,601 --> 01:12:58,145 Bug picked up Tia? 864 01:12:58,270 --> 01:13:00,397 She said she was going to a party. 865 01:13:00,522 --> 01:13:04,108 She said she'd be back Sunday. Must be a slumber party. 866 01:13:06,653 --> 01:13:09,655 Hop in the back. Get your belts on. 867 01:13:10,699 --> 01:13:14,452 Let her go to a party all weekend! She's old enough to know better. 868 01:13:15,412 --> 01:13:18,331 She doesn't listen to anybody anyway. 869 01:13:18,414 --> 01:13:19,873 Damn kids. 870 01:14:03,291 --> 01:14:05,000 Yeah? Kobolowski Tires. 871 01:14:05,835 --> 01:14:07,461 Hi. It's me. 872 01:14:07,545 --> 01:14:10,297 Can't you ever take a hint? 873 01:14:10,381 --> 01:14:13,967 It's not about me. I got a problem at the house. 874 01:14:14,051 --> 01:14:16,261 I need somebody to watch the kids. 875 01:14:16,387 --> 01:14:18,263 No, I'll tell you what you need. 876 01:14:18,389 --> 01:14:21,058 Your horse fixer's in town and you need to get to the track. 877 01:14:21,141 --> 01:14:23,268 I ran into Rog. He told me all about it. 878 01:14:23,393 --> 01:14:26,479 The idiot had the nerve to ask me for a loan. 879 01:14:26,563 --> 01:14:30,066 What, you can't take children when you're going to cheat on a horse race? 880 01:14:30,150 --> 01:14:32,360 You got some religion out there in the 'burbs? 881 01:14:32,485 --> 01:14:35,738 I came close. I had them in the car. 882 01:14:35,822 --> 01:14:39,075 Can we put our personal problems aside? 883 01:14:39,159 --> 01:14:42,412 Tia took off on me. I was supposed to pick her up after school. 884 01:14:42,495 --> 01:14:44,455 - She wasn 't there. - She ran away? 885 01:14:44,580 --> 01:14:47,916 I guess. I don't know. 886 01:14:48,000 --> 01:14:50,377 She's 15. She's angry. 887 01:14:50,503 --> 01:14:54,173 She's confused. And I need to find her. 888 01:14:55,216 --> 01:14:57,593 Can you help me? 889 01:14:58,510 --> 01:15:00,720 I'm really stuck. 890 01:15:03,849 --> 01:15:08,645 All right. I will help you because there's kids involved. 891 01:15:08,729 --> 01:15:10,856 But as far as you and I are concerned... 892 01:15:10,981 --> 01:15:12,857 it is over. 893 01:15:13,942 --> 01:15:15,818 However it has to be. 894 01:15:17,862 --> 01:15:19,822 - I'll be there. - thank you. 895 01:15:19,948 --> 01:15:22,158 For what it's worth, I'm sorry. 896 01:15:43,720 --> 01:15:45,596 Your car's on fire. 897 01:15:45,722 --> 01:15:47,932 No. It's just a little oil. 898 01:15:48,016 --> 01:15:50,726 I'm looking for a party somewhere around here. 899 01:15:50,811 --> 01:15:52,687 That's on Totowa Lane. 900 01:15:52,812 --> 01:15:54,688 My niece is there. 901 01:15:54,814 --> 01:15:56,941 - Our son is there. - Kids! 902 01:15:57,066 --> 01:16:00,319 I don't think you ought to go in there with that hat on. They'll kill you. 903 01:16:00,403 --> 01:16:02,446 Really? Thanks for the tip. 904 01:16:48,282 --> 01:16:52,661 I'm supposed to come over and watch you. 905 01:16:55,456 --> 01:17:00,335 Hi. I'm Chanice Kobolowski. I'm Uncle Buck's friend. 906 01:17:00,419 --> 01:17:02,212 May I see your driver's license? 907 01:17:03,463 --> 01:17:05,089 Yeah. 908 01:17:05,215 --> 01:17:08,551 Sure. Good idea. 909 01:17:09,803 --> 01:17:12,263 Wait. I got it. 910 01:17:13,932 --> 01:17:15,892 See. Look. 911 01:17:15,975 --> 01:17:18,811 - Please take it out. - Take it out? 912 01:17:42,793 --> 01:17:44,920 You okay? 913 01:17:45,045 --> 01:17:47,338 What's the matter? 914 01:18:11,445 --> 01:18:14,072 Coming through. How you doing? 915 01:18:15,241 --> 01:18:17,201 Having a good time? 916 01:18:17,326 --> 01:18:20,036 Have you seen a guy named Bug? 917 01:18:21,205 --> 01:18:24,041 I'm Tia Russell's uncle. You know Tia? 918 01:18:24,166 --> 01:18:28,211 No? She's kind of new. I'm her uncle. 919 01:18:28,336 --> 01:18:32,089 You haven't seen the Bug around here, have you? 920 01:18:32,215 --> 01:18:34,258 Nice guy. 921 01:18:34,384 --> 01:18:37,053 Hey, come back here with that! 922 01:18:43,267 --> 01:18:47,312 How you doing? Anybody seen Bug around here? 923 01:18:47,396 --> 01:18:50,398 Hey, nice music. 924 01:18:50,483 --> 01:18:54,153 Who is that, the Grass Roots? I'm kidding. I know my music. 925 01:19:00,200 --> 01:19:02,827 Stop it, please. 926 01:19:05,372 --> 01:19:09,500 What the hell is that? Hey, party time! 927 01:19:09,584 --> 01:19:13,504 Let's get down here! You seen Bug around here? 928 01:19:13,588 --> 01:19:16,757 You seen Bug? That's good stuff. 929 01:19:18,384 --> 01:19:20,511 Keep it up. 930 01:19:20,595 --> 01:19:22,722 Nice work. 931 01:19:22,847 --> 01:19:25,766 How you doing? Excuse me. 932 01:19:25,850 --> 01:19:27,476 Crowded, huh? 933 01:19:31,022 --> 01:19:33,482 I don't want to do this. 934 01:19:33,566 --> 01:19:35,526 Just relax. 935 01:19:37,444 --> 01:19:41,281 Hello, young fellow. I'm Tia Russell's uncle, Buck Russell. 936 01:19:41,406 --> 01:19:44,992 Have you seen the Bug around? No? I'm looking for him. 937 01:19:45,118 --> 01:19:48,454 You're Tia Russell's uncle? Really? 938 01:19:48,538 --> 01:19:50,915 Hey, give me that! 939 01:19:50,999 --> 01:19:53,626 Take my hat, you punk! 940 01:19:53,710 --> 01:19:55,920 - Don't mention it. - All right, Pop. 941 01:19:58,256 --> 01:20:02,718 You haven't seen a guy named Bug, have you? Everybody knows Bug. Hip guy. 942 01:20:02,802 --> 01:20:06,472 Let me through, will you? Your mother know you do that? 943 01:20:09,976 --> 01:20:12,186 This room's taken. 944 01:20:12,311 --> 01:20:14,354 - I want to go. - No, you don't. 945 01:20:17,983 --> 01:20:21,569 That door opens, I'm going to kick somebody's ass! 946 01:20:22,571 --> 01:20:24,531 Did you hear me? 947 01:22:35,990 --> 01:22:37,950 You were right. 948 01:22:39,452 --> 01:22:42,288 Everything you said would happen happened. 949 01:22:44,040 --> 01:22:46,876 I don't want to talk about it. I just want to get you home. 950 01:23:22,201 --> 01:23:24,161 Is this a trick? 951 01:23:28,958 --> 01:23:30,918 No. 952 01:23:34,004 --> 01:23:36,047 You know what happened? 953 01:23:38,592 --> 01:23:39,968 Yeah. 954 01:23:43,263 --> 01:23:46,349 Are you going to tell my parents about everything that's been going on? 955 01:23:49,019 --> 01:23:51,312 No. 956 01:23:53,189 --> 01:23:55,065 Thanks. 957 01:23:58,194 --> 01:24:02,656 I've been riding your butt all week about how you live your life. 958 01:24:04,826 --> 01:24:08,412 I realized maybe somebody should have been riding mine. 959 01:24:08,496 --> 01:24:11,915 I'm probably the last guy in the world you'd want to help... 960 01:24:14,877 --> 01:24:17,504 but I really could use your advice vis-a-vis Chanice. 961 01:24:19,214 --> 01:24:20,840 I've been... 962 01:24:20,966 --> 01:24:25,762 stringing her along for about eight years now. 963 01:24:25,846 --> 01:24:29,099 Maybe you could figure out what the hell is wrong with me. 964 01:24:30,559 --> 01:24:33,019 I did such a great job earning your trust and admiration... 965 01:24:33,144 --> 01:24:36,313 I'm confused why I can't do the same with Chanice. 966 01:24:45,740 --> 01:24:48,200 You know, there's... 967 01:24:50,244 --> 01:24:53,413 one family charity case... 968 01:24:54,832 --> 01:24:57,209 that loves you very much. 969 01:24:58,669 --> 01:24:59,920 I'm sorry. 970 01:25:01,505 --> 01:25:03,548 Come on. 971 01:25:03,674 --> 01:25:06,426 Nothing to be sorry about. 972 01:25:06,510 --> 01:25:10,180 I'm just kind of glad I got a chance to know you again. 973 01:25:14,351 --> 01:25:17,270 Did you do anything to Bug? 974 01:25:23,985 --> 01:25:25,778 Oh, my God! 975 01:25:26,904 --> 01:25:29,197 What did you do? 976 01:25:39,458 --> 01:25:42,544 You shithead! I could have suffocated! 977 01:25:42,628 --> 01:25:45,714 Do you know what I'd like you to do? 978 01:25:45,797 --> 01:25:50,051 You could be doing both of us a favor. I'd like you to apologize to the lady. 979 01:25:50,135 --> 01:25:52,428 I'm sorry! 980 01:25:53,972 --> 01:25:55,681 Okay, asshole? 981 01:25:55,807 --> 01:25:57,516 I'm sorry! 982 01:25:57,600 --> 01:26:01,353 I don't know if I've told you this, but I'm an amateur dentist. 983 01:26:02,021 --> 01:26:04,481 Oh, yes, he is. 984 01:26:12,323 --> 01:26:13,574 I'm sorry. 985 01:26:14,492 --> 01:26:16,035 Get him out. 986 01:26:16,160 --> 01:26:19,329 Yeah? It was halfhearted. We'll let him. 987 01:26:19,455 --> 01:26:22,541 - I'm really sorry. - I'm sure you are. 988 01:26:22,666 --> 01:26:25,668 - I am. - Let me get you. There you go. 989 01:26:25,794 --> 01:26:28,796 I didn't mean to hurt anybody. 990 01:26:28,922 --> 01:26:30,381 There you go. 991 01:26:30,507 --> 01:26:32,216 I'm sorry. 992 01:26:39,641 --> 01:26:41,601 - Shall we? - Yeah. 993 01:26:48,232 --> 01:26:51,568 Yeah? Come on back and I'll kick your ass, man! 994 01:26:51,652 --> 01:26:55,071 Chicken shit! You're dead! 995 01:26:55,197 --> 01:26:56,906 Shit. 996 01:27:02,579 --> 01:27:04,956 I'm going to sue your balls off, man! 997 01:27:05,040 --> 01:27:09,043 Why don't you come and get me, man? Come on! 998 01:27:10,086 --> 01:27:14,632 Come on, man. I'm going to sue you and your whole family! 999 01:27:14,716 --> 01:27:18,135 Okay, pal, time for a golf lesson. 1000 01:27:18,219 --> 01:27:20,512 My dad's a lawyer! You're history! 1001 01:27:20,638 --> 01:27:23,640 A little five wood. 1002 01:27:25,560 --> 01:27:28,896 What? What? What are you doing, man? 1003 01:27:32,274 --> 01:27:35,610 You're history. You're wasted. I'm going to sue you for everything you've got! 1004 01:27:35,694 --> 01:27:38,488 You're going to be broke so come and get me! 1005 01:27:40,074 --> 01:27:42,367 You fat sucker! 1006 01:27:42,493 --> 01:27:43,660 Yes, sir! 1007 01:27:44,912 --> 01:27:47,831 You son of a bitch! That hurt! 1008 01:27:47,914 --> 01:27:51,667 Hey! I'm not sorry, all right? 1009 01:27:51,793 --> 01:27:54,337 I ain't sorry for shit! 1010 01:27:57,257 --> 01:28:00,593 What do you see in that guy anyway? 1011 01:28:00,677 --> 01:28:03,387 I can't for the life of me figure that one out. 1012 01:28:03,471 --> 01:28:06,724 Don't answer. You don't have to. 1013 01:28:09,560 --> 01:28:12,729 I appreciate the confession. Thanks a lot. 1014 01:28:12,855 --> 01:28:14,982 But my problems with Buck go deeper... 1015 01:28:15,107 --> 01:28:17,317 than a misunderstanding with a neighbor lady. 1016 01:28:17,443 --> 01:28:19,319 Don't you think he loves you? 1017 01:28:21,447 --> 01:28:23,407 If he does, he'd never say it. 1018 01:28:23,532 --> 01:28:25,241 What if he did? 1019 01:28:25,367 --> 01:28:27,911 Then I would suspect he needed a new set of tires. 1020 01:28:29,162 --> 01:28:30,538 Seriously. 1021 01:28:30,664 --> 01:28:34,000 Seriously, you're very sweet to talk about this. 1022 01:28:35,377 --> 01:28:37,504 But you don't understand the bigger picture. 1023 01:28:37,629 --> 01:28:40,381 Buck's a charming man who wants to remain a boy forever. 1024 01:28:42,967 --> 01:28:47,179 At my age, that doesn't make for a lasting relationship. 1025 01:28:49,098 --> 01:28:52,017 I think he'd make a wonderful husband and father. 1026 01:28:52,101 --> 01:28:53,894 - You do? - Oh, yeah. 1027 01:28:53,978 --> 01:28:55,687 My sister and brother adore him. 1028 01:28:57,189 --> 01:29:02,152 He really has changed since he's been here this week. 1029 01:29:02,277 --> 01:29:04,737 He really has changed. 1030 01:29:04,821 --> 01:29:08,157 He's responsible, caring... 1031 01:29:08,241 --> 01:29:10,368 loving... 1032 01:29:10,494 --> 01:29:14,414 and enthusiastic. 1033 01:29:14,497 --> 01:29:19,460 - Energetic. - And energetic and decent. 1034 01:29:21,504 --> 01:29:23,047 Kind and-- 1035 01:29:25,258 --> 01:29:27,218 And humble... 1036 01:29:27,343 --> 01:29:29,470 and honest and forthright. 1037 01:29:29,595 --> 01:29:30,929 Sense of humor. 1038 01:29:31,013 --> 01:29:33,056 And he's really got a great sense of humor. 1039 01:29:33,140 --> 01:29:35,934 Did he put you up to this? 1040 01:29:36,018 --> 01:29:37,811 No! 1041 01:29:37,936 --> 01:29:41,773 No. I've just gathered this from my own observations. 1042 01:29:44,318 --> 01:29:46,278 - It's just the way he is. - Really? 1043 01:29:54,285 --> 01:29:57,287 - Really? - Oh, yeah! 1044 01:29:57,372 --> 01:30:00,082 So unlike him. 1045 01:30:15,014 --> 01:30:17,057 Check this out. 1046 01:30:22,229 --> 01:30:24,022 Hi, honey. 1047 01:30:24,147 --> 01:30:26,440 Is the coffee ready? 1048 01:30:27,567 --> 01:30:29,443 A little thirsty. 1049 01:30:29,569 --> 01:30:32,905 By the way, I have told you I loved you... 1050 01:30:33,031 --> 01:30:35,908 and it wasn't for tires, sweetheart. 1051 01:30:35,992 --> 01:30:38,119 It was for shocks, remember? 1052 01:30:43,333 --> 01:30:45,543 Are they sweethearts or what? 1053 01:30:45,668 --> 01:30:49,338 This one's smart as a whip. I'm going to miss them like crazy. 1054 01:30:49,463 --> 01:30:52,424 They're beautiful children. What happened to you? 1055 01:30:52,508 --> 01:30:55,177 Recessive gene, skips every nine generations. 1056 01:30:55,261 --> 01:30:57,888 I got it this time. Tragic. 1057 01:30:57,972 --> 01:31:00,182 It isn't so bad, is it? 1058 01:31:00,265 --> 01:31:01,641 What? 1059 01:31:01,767 --> 01:31:03,643 The house, the family, the kids. 1060 01:31:03,769 --> 01:31:06,938 Oh, yeah. It was great. This is great. 1061 01:31:07,064 --> 01:31:11,276 We should have done this a long time ago, you and I. 1062 01:31:25,373 --> 01:31:27,333 They're here. 1063 01:31:32,922 --> 01:31:36,341 What are we doing? 1064 01:31:36,467 --> 01:31:38,176 Your mother... 1065 01:31:38,302 --> 01:31:40,512 and your sister have to... 1066 01:31:40,637 --> 01:31:43,806 sort some things out. 1067 01:31:43,932 --> 01:31:45,975 So we're going to be very quiet for them. 1068 01:31:46,101 --> 01:31:48,645 So why don't we put a button on it... 1069 01:31:52,148 --> 01:31:54,191 and a zipper like that... 1070 01:31:54,317 --> 01:31:56,610 and a lock. 1071 01:31:56,736 --> 01:32:00,322 I can't talk at all. I throw the key away. 1072 01:32:54,708 --> 01:32:59,170 It's going to be real different. I promise. 1073 01:32:59,296 --> 01:33:01,756 I love you. 1074 01:33:13,727 --> 01:33:14,978 Shit! 1075 01:33:15,061 --> 01:33:18,480 - Bye. - Bye, Uncle Buck. 1076 01:33:18,565 --> 01:33:20,942 Could I get out the door, please? 1077 01:33:21,067 --> 01:33:23,110 - I'm going! - This is heavy. 1078 01:33:23,194 --> 01:33:25,946 Bye, Chanice. 1079 01:33:26,030 --> 01:33:27,614 Thanks again, Buck. 1080 01:33:27,698 --> 01:33:31,618 Next time you're downtown, maybe we can go out for a coffee. 1081 01:33:36,207 --> 01:33:39,293 We really had a good time. I know it's ridiculous. 1082 01:33:39,418 --> 01:33:42,754 We did leave the house a little messy. We tried. We're not so good at clean. 1083 01:33:42,838 --> 01:33:45,840 - What? - We're going home. We're not dying. 1084 01:33:45,924 --> 01:33:49,260 I'm saying good-bye. Is that all right? Nice guy! 1085 01:33:49,344 --> 01:33:53,389 Tell the neighbors we're sorry about having that parked in the driveway. 1086 01:33:53,473 --> 01:33:56,642 - He's getting a new company car Monday. - The hell I am! 1087 01:33:56,726 --> 01:33:59,979 - It's good for another 100,000 miles. - Too bad you're not. 1088 01:34:00,063 --> 01:34:03,816 That's funny, Chanice. See what I put up with? And don't drive fast. 1089 01:34:03,941 --> 01:34:07,277 I'm not fixing any more tickets for you.