1
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:09,687
- Do you think they'll come, sir?
- They'll come, all right.

2
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:12,318
Here. Stamp those and mail them.

3
00:04:50,130 --> 00:04:51,643
It's ringing.

4
00:04:51,810 --> 00:04:56,600
Would you walk Myron the other way?
My leg looks like a tree in this fog.

5
00:04:56,770 --> 00:04:58,123
Come on.

6
00:04:59,450 --> 00:05:02,408
What a godforsaken spot to get lost.

7
00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:06,449
It's true. I saw a much better spot
a few miles back.

8
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,842
Hello?

9
00:05:21,490 --> 00:05:23,879
Good.
Tell them we're lost.

10
00:05:31,490 --> 00:05:34,163
- The phone's dead.
- Why'd you say "hello"?

11
00:05:34,330 --> 00:05:35,968
- I could've sworn...
- What?

12
00:05:36,130 --> 00:05:39,520
- Sounded like somebody snipped the wire.
- Really?

13
00:05:39,690 --> 00:05:42,045
What did it sound like?

14
00:05:42,210 --> 00:05:43,723
Snip.

15
00:05:49,290 --> 00:05:53,203
- Some fog, eh, Pop?
- I've already heard the weather report.

16
00:05:53,370 --> 00:05:54,723
Drive, please.

17
00:05:54,890 --> 00:05:56,926
It's as thick as pea soup.

18
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,921
Not a soul around for miles.

19
00:05:59,090 --> 00:06:02,082
Know what I think?
Perfect place for a murder.

20
00:06:02,250 --> 00:06:06,243
Conversation like television set
on honeymoon:

21
00:06:06,410 --> 00:06:07,638
Unnecessary.

22
00:06:41,490 --> 00:06:43,606
Where are we going, anyway, Pop?

23
00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:48,480
Who is this Mr. Twain?
What'd he mean, "dinner and a murder"?

24
00:06:48,650 --> 00:06:51,210
Questions like athlete's foot:

25
00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:54,487
After a while, very irritating.

26
00:06:56,530 --> 00:06:57,929
To stop car, please.

27
00:06:58,090 --> 00:07:00,206
- What's wrong?
- Stop car, please.

28
00:07:03,370 --> 00:07:05,281
To shut engine off, please.

29
00:07:06,970 --> 00:07:08,369
Listen.

30
00:07:09,090 --> 00:07:11,650
I don't hear nothing.
What do you hear?

31
00:07:11,810 --> 00:07:15,359
- Double negative and dog.
- So it's a dog. So what?

32
00:07:15,530 --> 00:07:17,043
If not mistaken...

33
00:07:17,210 --> 00:07:19,770
...dog belong to Mr. Dick Charleston.

34
00:07:19,930 --> 00:07:22,080
- Who's Dick Charleston?
- I am.

35
00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:25,606
You don't happen to have seen
a little white... Wang!

36
00:07:25,770 --> 00:07:27,044
A white Wang?

37
00:07:27,210 --> 00:07:30,919
Sidney Wang! What are you
doing in this godforsaken spot?

38
00:07:31,090 --> 00:07:32,842
No doubt, same as you.

39
00:07:33,010 --> 00:07:37,367
Looking for bridge that lead
to home of host, Mr. Lionel Twain.

40
00:07:37,530 --> 00:07:38,530
You too, huh?

41
00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:41,602
Must be important to invite
two such detectives.

42
00:07:41,770 --> 00:07:45,001
Excuse, please, to introduce
Japanese son, Willie.

43
00:07:46,170 --> 00:07:47,762
Japanese?
But I thought...

44
00:07:47,930 --> 00:07:50,444
Mrs. Wang and I
couldn't have children.

45
00:07:50,610 --> 00:07:52,805
Willie: Adopted number three son.

46
00:07:52,970 --> 00:07:55,200
Careful on this road.
It's treacherous.

47
00:07:55,370 --> 00:07:58,601
Treacherous road like fresh mushroom.
Must always...

48
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:02,160
Idiot! Not finish mushroom story.

49
00:08:02,330 --> 00:08:03,888
You're idiot!

50
00:08:10,610 --> 00:08:15,206
Sorry, but I see nothing.
This fog's as thick as bouillabaisse.

51
00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,122
- Nuts!
- I beg your pardon?

52
00:08:17,290 --> 00:08:20,646
Nuts, nuts! There are
no nuts in my chocolate!

53
00:08:20,810 --> 00:08:24,405
You let that imbecile in the shop
give you raisins.

54
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:26,208
He didn't have any nuts.

55
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:31,003
- The man in the shop?
- That's the reason I took the raisins.

56
00:08:31,170 --> 00:08:33,047
Never mind.

57
00:08:33,210 --> 00:08:35,849
We'll soon be there for dinner.
Hot soup.

58
00:08:36,010 --> 00:08:38,968
Something is not right
in all of this, huh?

59
00:08:39,130 --> 00:08:40,927
I can feel it in my bones.

60
00:08:42,450 --> 00:08:44,759
- In your what?
- In my bones.

61
00:08:45,810 --> 00:08:47,766
Buns? You have buns?

62
00:08:47,930 --> 00:08:50,285
You bought buns
and didn't tell me?

63
00:08:50,490 --> 00:08:52,765
- Where are the buns?
- No, monsieur.

64
00:08:52,930 --> 00:08:55,000
The bones in my body.

65
00:08:55,170 --> 00:08:59,049
You shouldn't speak with an accent
when you know I'm hungry.

66
00:09:07,530 --> 00:09:10,602
If you ask me, Sam,
this is a wild goose chase.

67
00:09:10,770 --> 00:09:12,920
- Nobody asked you.
- Yes, they did.

68
00:09:13,090 --> 00:09:15,684
You asked me back there
if I thought...

69
00:09:15,850 --> 00:09:17,602
That was then. This is now.

70
00:09:17,770 --> 00:09:19,965
Nobody knows
what tomorrow will be.

71
00:09:20,130 --> 00:09:23,247
That's the way it is,
whether we like it or not.

72
00:09:23,410 --> 00:09:26,083
Sam, I really worry
about you sometimes.

73
00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:29,447
Cut the malarkey.
This trip is strictly business.

74
00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:33,808
- What do you got on Twain?
- He was born in San Francisco in 1906.

75
00:09:33,970 --> 00:09:36,928
His mother was Catholic,
father an Orthodox Jew.

76
00:09:37,090 --> 00:09:39,240
They separated two hours
after the marriage.

77
00:09:39,410 --> 00:09:42,129
- Any children?
- Yeah, one daughter, 32.

78
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,645
Her name's Irene,
but she goes by Rita.

79
00:09:44,810 --> 00:09:48,564
Just like a dame.
Don't stop, angel. You're doing fine.

80
00:09:48,730 --> 00:09:52,609
He was arrested in 1932
for selling pornographic bibles.

81
00:09:52,770 --> 00:09:56,399
Charges were dropped when the
church didn't turn over the bibles.

82
00:09:56,570 --> 00:10:01,360
There's nothing on him until '46
when he was picked up in El Paso...

83
00:10:01,530 --> 00:10:05,079
...for smuggling a truckload
of rich, white Americans...

84
00:10:05,250 --> 00:10:07,206
...into Mexico to pick melons.

85
00:10:07,370 --> 00:10:10,680
He was sent to the state hospital
for mental observation.

86
00:10:10,850 --> 00:10:14,968
I think we picked ourselves
a queer bird, angel. Anything else?

87
00:10:15,130 --> 00:10:16,927
Yeah. Get this, Sam.

88
00:10:17,090 --> 00:10:21,686
Twain has one interesting physical
characteristic. He has no pinkies.

89
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:26,769
No pinkies?
Twain's only got eight fingers?

90
00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:30,843
No, no. He's got 10.
He just doesn't have any pinkies.

91
00:10:31,010 --> 00:10:33,729
- You did your homework good.
- Thanks.

92
00:10:33,890 --> 00:10:37,200
- Where'd you dig that up?
- I wrote Twain and asked.

93
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:39,201
Good thinking.

94
00:10:41,210 --> 00:10:44,725
- What's the matter?
- Wouldn't you know, out of gas.

95
00:10:46,650 --> 00:10:50,438
I saw a station
about five miles back, Sam.

96
00:10:51,810 --> 00:10:55,485
I want you to know I'm gonna be
waiting for you, baby.

97
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:09,919
Here's the bridge, Pop.
Doesn't look safe to me.

98
00:11:10,090 --> 00:11:12,923
One way to find out.
Drive across.

99
00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:15,320
Aren't you gonna come with me?

100
00:11:15,490 --> 00:11:18,448
Weight of two men
may be too much for bridge.

101
00:11:18,610 --> 00:11:20,441
Then why do I get to drive?

102
00:11:20,610 --> 00:11:24,364
Because I smart enough
to get out first.

103
00:11:38,570 --> 00:11:41,403
I'm not gonna make it.
It's gonna collapse.

104
00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:44,801
Not worry.
Father find other way to house.

105
00:11:56,490 --> 00:11:58,526
I made it, Pop!
I made it!

106
00:11:58,690 --> 00:12:02,968
Good! Good!
Now come back and get adopted father.

107
00:12:05,930 --> 00:12:08,842
Look at invitation.
What number of house?

108
00:12:09,010 --> 00:12:11,160
- Two-two...
- Correct.

109
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:12,763
2-2, Twain's house.

110
00:12:12,930 --> 00:12:14,249
Continue.

111
00:12:38,810 --> 00:12:40,766
- Did you see that?
- No.

112
00:12:40,930 --> 00:12:42,966
Neither did I.

113
00:12:48,970 --> 00:12:51,803
Stop! Do not move.

114
00:12:51,970 --> 00:12:53,881
Something's wrong here.

115
00:12:54,050 --> 00:12:57,167
- What is it?
- Do not ask questions. Do as I say.

116
00:12:57,330 --> 00:13:00,049
When I tell you jump, you jump.

117
00:13:00,210 --> 00:13:02,485
One, two, three...

118
00:13:03,290 --> 00:13:04,848
...jump!

119
00:13:05,810 --> 00:13:07,528
Holy Shanghai!

120
00:13:08,810 --> 00:13:11,085
Nice counting.
But how'd you know?

121
00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:12,569
Look on ground.

122
00:13:15,690 --> 00:13:17,681
Even had correct shoe size.

123
00:13:17,850 --> 00:13:19,806
Someone gone great trouble...

124
00:13:19,970 --> 00:13:23,485
...to make welcome guests
not so welcome.

125
00:13:23,650 --> 00:13:25,163
Ring bell, please.

126
00:13:25,330 --> 00:13:28,163
Are you nuts?
Someone's trying to kill us.

127
00:13:28,330 --> 00:13:32,323
Yes. Should make exciting weekend.
Ring, please.

128
00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:35,679
I wish it was Monday morning.

129
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,208
Well, here goes.

130
00:13:41,210 --> 00:13:43,405
They're killing someone in there!

131
00:13:43,570 --> 00:13:46,528
- Calm yourself.
- Didn't you hear her scream?

132
00:13:46,690 --> 00:13:48,203
No. You heard scream.

133
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:51,123
More experienced ear heard doorbell.

134
00:13:51,290 --> 00:13:52,689
Listen again.

135
00:13:57,370 --> 00:14:02,125
Mr. Twain has
macabre sense of humour, yeah?

136
00:14:23,090 --> 00:14:25,843
Good evening.
We have been expecting you.

137
00:14:26,010 --> 00:14:29,889
But in what condition?
Roof in need of repair.

138
00:14:30,050 --> 00:14:34,123
Indeed. I'm afraid
the house is falling apart.

139
00:14:35,410 --> 00:14:39,483
- May we come in, please?
- I'm sorry. I thought you were in.

140
00:14:39,650 --> 00:14:42,722
You are Mr. And Mrs. Charleston?

141
00:14:42,890 --> 00:14:44,482
Not quite.

142
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:47,926
I am Inspector Wang
of Catalina, please.

143
00:14:48,090 --> 00:14:50,285
This adopted son, Willie.

144
00:14:51,570 --> 00:14:55,006
I trust you had a pleasant journey
despite the storm?

145
00:15:06,370 --> 00:15:08,008
Strange weather.

146
00:15:08,170 --> 00:15:11,765
Storm only outside when inside.

147
00:15:11,930 --> 00:15:15,764
That. That's just one
of Mr. Twain's little toys.

148
00:15:15,930 --> 00:15:17,568
An electronic device.

149
00:15:17,730 --> 00:15:20,290
Mr. Twain,
as you will soon discover...

150
00:15:20,450 --> 00:15:22,918
...prefers his atmosphere murky.

151
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:25,888
- May I have your bags, sir?
- No, no.

152
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:29,281
Son will get bags.
That is why I adopted him.

153
00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:30,963
Very good, sir.

154
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:34,361
One moment, please,
while I close the door.

155
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:41,807
Now, if you will follow me,
I will show you to your room.

156
00:15:52,330 --> 00:15:55,640
Very large house.
No other servants?

157
00:15:55,810 --> 00:15:59,485
I'm not sure.
I've never seen anyone.

158
00:16:01,610 --> 00:16:05,364
Mr. Twain asked me to see
that you're made comfortable...

159
00:16:05,530 --> 00:16:08,283
...and to say he'll
join you after dinner.

160
00:16:08,450 --> 00:16:12,159
After dinner?
Host not have dinner with guests?

161
00:16:12,330 --> 00:16:16,039
No. Mr. Twain prefers to eat out.

162
00:16:28,890 --> 00:16:33,645
- Wait, please. What that?
- That? It nothing. Just the cat.

163
00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:37,083
That cat?

164
00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:40,003
You feed cat dog food?

165
00:16:40,170 --> 00:16:42,638
I'm afraid he's
a very angry cat, sir.

166
00:16:42,810 --> 00:16:46,439
Mr. Twain had him fixed,
and he didn't want to be.

167
00:16:49,010 --> 00:16:50,728
Big house, huh, Pop?

168
00:16:50,890 --> 00:16:53,882
Big house like man
married to fat woman:

169
00:16:54,050 --> 00:16:55,881
Hard to get around.

170
00:16:56,050 --> 00:17:00,487
Here we are.
I'm sure you'll find this suitable.

171
00:17:00,650 --> 00:17:03,483
- It's a cold house.
- I've taken care of that.

172
00:17:03,650 --> 00:17:07,643
You'll find a nice, cosy fire
in your room.

173
00:17:24,650 --> 00:17:26,208
It's a bit smoky, sir.

174
00:17:26,370 --> 00:17:29,760
I'm afraid that fireplace
hasn't been used in years.

175
00:17:29,930 --> 00:17:34,640
- At least the bed will be warm.
- If you wish anything, please ring.

176
00:17:34,810 --> 00:17:38,962
- Where buzzer?
- It's behind the bed, sir, there.

177
00:17:39,130 --> 00:17:40,802
Dinner will be at 9:00...

178
00:17:40,970 --> 00:17:43,928
...and Mr. Twain
likes his guests to dress.

179
00:17:46,290 --> 00:17:48,360
The doorbell. Excuse me.

180
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:53,129
Wow! What a creepy guy.

181
00:17:53,290 --> 00:17:56,202
Why would anyone want to hire
a blind butler?

182
00:17:56,370 --> 00:17:58,326
For one thing, very cheap.

183
00:17:58,490 --> 00:18:02,278
How butler know
how much he get paid?

184
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:06,886
Drink this. You'll feel better.

185
00:18:07,050 --> 00:18:10,486
If Myron hadn't barked,
we'd have missed the statue falling.

186
00:18:10,650 --> 00:18:13,244
It wasn't meant to kill.
It's a warning.

187
00:18:13,410 --> 00:18:15,048
Somebody's trying
to frighten us. Why?

188
00:18:15,210 --> 00:18:17,599
Whatever his reason,
he's doing well.

189
00:18:17,770 --> 00:18:21,922
- Why hasn't anybody answered?
- Don't ring it! Knock, don't ring.

190
00:18:22,090 --> 00:18:23,569
I won't, I promise.

191
00:18:30,970 --> 00:18:34,645
- What is it now, Myron?
- Up there, Dora. Look.

192
00:18:34,970 --> 00:18:39,486
- A blind butler.
- Don't let him park the car, Dickie.

193
00:18:45,410 --> 00:18:48,641
Good evening.
We have been expecting you.

194
00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:51,768
We let ourselves in.
Dick and Dora Charleston.

195
00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:54,763
Good evening.
We have been expecting you.

196
00:18:55,970 --> 00:19:00,043
Your room is ready,
if you'll just follow me, please.

197
00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:03,766
Don't mind him. It's just the cat.

198
00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:10,240
- We left our luggage in the trunk.
- I'll get it later...

199
00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:12,878
...when I park the car.

200
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:19,880
- Was that Mr. Wang's car out front?
- Yes. They're resting in their room.

201
00:19:20,050 --> 00:19:23,486
I've put you in the same wing
as Mr. Wang.

202
00:19:23,650 --> 00:19:26,767
Isn't that nice?
We're in Wang's wing.

203
00:19:34,290 --> 00:19:37,168
Not many people come
to the manor these days.

204
00:19:37,330 --> 00:19:39,366
It's nice to hear guests again.

205
00:19:39,530 --> 00:19:41,521
- Thanks. You are?
- Bensonmum.

206
00:19:41,690 --> 00:19:43,043
Thank you, Benson.

207
00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:46,166
Bensonmum.
My name is Bensonmum.

208
00:19:46,330 --> 00:19:49,447
- Bensonmum?
- Yes, sir. Jamesir Bensonmum.

209
00:19:49,610 --> 00:19:51,362
- Jamesir?
- Yes, sir.

210
00:19:51,530 --> 00:19:53,680
- Jamesir Bensonmum?
- Yes, sir.

211
00:19:53,850 --> 00:19:56,239
- How odd.
- My father's name, sir.

212
00:19:56,410 --> 00:19:58,241
What was your father's name?

213
00:19:58,410 --> 00:20:01,129
- Howard Bensonmum.
- Howard Bensonmum?

214
00:20:01,290 --> 00:20:03,042
Leave it. I've had enough.

215
00:20:03,210 --> 00:20:06,168
Here we are.
The late Mrs. Twain's room.

216
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,002
She died in here.

217
00:20:08,170 --> 00:20:09,888
- Oh, dear.
- Died of what?

218
00:20:10,050 --> 00:20:13,008
She murdered herself
in her sleep, sir.

219
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:15,081
- You mean suicide?
- Oh, no.

220
00:20:15,250 --> 00:20:17,241
It was murder, all right.

221
00:20:17,410 --> 00:20:20,163
Mrs. Twain hated herself.

222
00:20:20,330 --> 00:20:22,605
We keep this room locked.

223
00:20:22,770 --> 00:20:26,160
- Why is that?
- Mr. Twain loved her very much.

224
00:20:26,330 --> 00:20:30,721
He's kept her room just as it was
the night she choked herself...

225
00:20:30,890 --> 00:20:33,245
...nine years ago.

226
00:20:41,730 --> 00:20:43,607
Madam loved it here.

227
00:20:43,770 --> 00:20:47,524
She said it was
the cheeriest room in the house.

228
00:20:51,410 --> 00:20:54,208
- The doorbell.
- That was Mrs. Charleston.

229
00:20:54,370 --> 00:20:56,600
- I thought she was here.
- I am.

230
00:20:56,770 --> 00:20:59,409
I will not stay in this filthy room.

231
00:20:59,570 --> 00:21:03,119
Very well, madam.
I'll attend to it during dinner.

232
00:21:03,290 --> 00:21:05,281
- Thank you, Benson, sir.
- Mum!

233
00:21:05,450 --> 00:21:08,760
- What?
- Bensonmum. Ma'am.

234
00:21:14,930 --> 00:21:16,329
Baking flour.

235
00:21:16,490 --> 00:21:19,050
- What?
- This dust is baking flour.

236
00:21:19,210 --> 00:21:21,519
And these cobwebs... Candied sugar.

237
00:21:21,690 --> 00:21:25,000
All placed here for the purpose
of frightening us.

238
00:21:25,170 --> 00:21:28,207
And that mouse...
Obviously a mechanical toy.

239
00:21:31,730 --> 00:21:33,846
- Silly.
- What is?

240
00:21:34,010 --> 00:21:36,399
I am. It's real.

241
00:21:42,210 --> 00:21:45,680
- Stop the car. We're here.
- That's why I stopped.

242
00:21:45,850 --> 00:21:48,683
- Open my door.
- You have chocolate on your face.

243
00:21:48,850 --> 00:21:50,727
The candy bar's on your face.

244
00:21:50,890 --> 00:21:54,724
- Imbecile, that's my moustache!
- Lick it and see.

245
00:21:57,570 --> 00:22:00,642
Wipe it off.
My hands are sticky.

246
00:22:03,570 --> 00:22:06,004
Hold still, please.

247
00:22:06,170 --> 00:22:08,126
Sloppy.

248
00:22:13,570 --> 00:22:15,242
All in good time.

249
00:22:21,810 --> 00:22:23,846
Yes?

250
00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:25,443
Who's there?

251
00:22:27,490 --> 00:22:29,162
Who's there, I say?

252
00:22:32,970 --> 00:22:35,165
Filthy neighbourhood.

253
00:22:35,330 --> 00:22:36,922
Didn't I say "jump"?

254
00:22:37,090 --> 00:22:40,287
<i>"Un, deux, trois,</i> jump."
Why don't you listen?

255
00:22:40,450 --> 00:22:43,089
- Leave me alone.
- Sloppy.

256
00:22:58,210 --> 00:22:59,882
Who are you?

257
00:23:07,410 --> 00:23:11,608
You must be the new kitchen maid.
I hope you can cook.

258
00:23:12,610 --> 00:23:14,726
Answer me. Speak up.

259
00:23:18,770 --> 00:23:22,046
What's that?
I can't hear you.

260
00:23:22,210 --> 00:23:25,486
A little shy, are you?
Never mind.

261
00:23:27,090 --> 00:23:29,160
There will be 10 for dinner.

262
00:23:31,650 --> 00:23:33,481
Here is the menu.

263
00:23:45,570 --> 00:23:49,040
Is that understood?
And dinner will be at 9:00.

264
00:23:49,210 --> 00:23:53,283
When I want you, that bell on the wall
will ring three times.

265
00:23:53,450 --> 00:23:55,566
All right. Get to work.

266
00:24:04,850 --> 00:24:08,081
Operator.
I am saying, "Hello, hello."

267
00:24:08,250 --> 00:24:10,400
- It's dead, sir.
- What?

268
00:24:10,570 --> 00:24:12,401
Who is? Who are you?

269
00:24:12,570 --> 00:24:13,889
The butler, sir.

270
00:24:14,050 --> 00:24:17,201
The butler, eh?
I thought as much.

271
00:24:17,370 --> 00:24:21,045
That phone has been out of order
for the past week, sir.

272
00:24:21,210 --> 00:24:22,643
Is that a fact?

273
00:24:22,810 --> 00:24:26,803
And I say that this wire
has been snipped not one hour ago...

274
00:24:26,970 --> 00:24:29,086
...as you can plainly see.

275
00:24:29,250 --> 00:24:30,763
What is your name?

276
00:24:33,890 --> 00:24:36,040
Your little jest escapes me.

277
00:24:36,210 --> 00:24:37,962
I am Monsieur Milo Perrier.

278
00:24:38,130 --> 00:24:40,724
He was injured
by a falling gargoyle...

279
00:24:40,890 --> 00:24:43,529
...while standing
in Chinese footprints.

280
00:24:43,690 --> 00:24:45,760
We rang, a woman screamed...

281
00:24:45,930 --> 00:24:48,000
...a mouse ran through the door.

282
00:24:48,170 --> 00:24:50,889
As you can plainly see,
I miss nothing.

283
00:24:51,050 --> 00:24:53,120
Since we can't call a doctor...

284
00:24:53,290 --> 00:24:57,602
...I will need a cold compress
and hot chocolate, <i>n'est-ce pas?</i>

285
00:24:57,770 --> 00:25:00,842
We don't have <i>n'est-ce pas,</i> sir.
Just Hershey's.

286
00:25:01,010 --> 00:25:03,649
I'll call the maid.

287
00:25:14,770 --> 00:25:17,921
I'll fetch it for you myself, sir.

288
00:25:18,090 --> 00:25:22,527
In the meantime, if you'll be
good enough to follow me to your room.

289
00:25:23,490 --> 00:25:25,208
Get up. Get up.

290
00:25:25,370 --> 00:25:28,248
There's something about him
I do not trust.

291
00:25:28,410 --> 00:25:31,243
Notice how his eyes
never look at you.

292
00:25:31,410 --> 00:25:33,241
He's blind, monsieur.

293
00:25:35,170 --> 00:25:37,445
Nonsense.

294
00:25:41,370 --> 00:25:43,088
There's the house now.

295
00:25:44,370 --> 00:25:47,203
- What's the matter?
- My feet are killing me.

296
00:25:47,370 --> 00:25:51,522
Why didn't you tell me we needed oil
before I went back for gas?

297
00:25:51,690 --> 00:25:53,965
I gave you $50
and the gas was $5.00.

298
00:25:54,130 --> 00:25:57,805
Maybe you'd come back. Maybe not.
I couldn't risk it.

299
00:25:57,970 --> 00:26:00,643
- Don't you trust me, Sam?
- Trust you?

300
00:26:00,810 --> 00:26:05,122
The last time that I trusted a dame
was in Paris in 1940.

301
00:26:05,290 --> 00:26:07,565
She said she was going to get wine.

302
00:26:07,730 --> 00:26:10,802
Two hours later,
the Germans marched into France.

303
00:26:10,970 --> 00:26:12,847
I'm sorry, Sam.

304
00:26:13,010 --> 00:26:15,604
Sorry nothing.
Give me my change.

305
00:26:21,610 --> 00:26:23,248
Dinner will be at 9:00.

306
00:26:23,410 --> 00:26:26,004
I'll have the maid
bring your chocolate.

307
00:26:26,170 --> 00:26:28,764
- One moment, my good man.
- Sir?

308
00:26:43,730 --> 00:26:46,688
Thank you. That will be all.

309
00:26:48,850 --> 00:26:53,162
He's blind, all right.
Those were my funniest faces.

310
00:27:03,210 --> 00:27:05,724
It's not exactly
the Copacabana, is it?

311
00:27:05,890 --> 00:27:10,327
I don't feel good about this.
Maybe tonight your luck runs out.

312
00:27:10,490 --> 00:27:14,085
Maybe so. There's a number
on the wall for all of us.

313
00:27:14,250 --> 00:27:17,959
If tonight's the night
they pick mine, so be it.

314
00:27:18,610 --> 00:27:20,441
After you, sweetheart.

315
00:27:22,130 --> 00:27:25,122
- First, kiss me, Sam.
- I don't kiss.

316
00:27:25,290 --> 00:27:26,803
Just this once, Sam.

317
00:27:26,970 --> 00:27:30,121
I don't like kissing.
Now leave me alone.

318
00:27:41,490 --> 00:27:43,287
My God!

319
00:27:43,450 --> 00:27:45,441
- He's dead!
- I beg your pardon?

320
00:27:45,610 --> 00:27:50,161
Sam Diamond is lying out there.
He's been crushed to death.

321
00:27:50,330 --> 00:27:53,163
I'm going to faint.
Catch me.

322
00:27:53,330 --> 00:27:56,845
Madam. Madam, where are you?

323
00:27:57,010 --> 00:27:59,444
Hold it right there.
Freeze, blinky!

324
00:27:59,610 --> 00:28:02,647
Get your hands up.
Turn your face to the wall.

325
00:28:07,170 --> 00:28:09,684
All right, angel.
You can get up now.

326
00:28:09,850 --> 00:28:11,408
Turn around, Jeeves.

327
00:28:14,170 --> 00:28:18,960
Your concrete Christmas present came
two seconds early, no thanks to you.

328
00:28:19,130 --> 00:28:22,008
I apologize for
any unfortunate mishap, sir.

329
00:28:22,170 --> 00:28:26,163
- May I put my hands down?
- Don't test your luck, Shakespeare.

330
00:28:26,330 --> 00:28:28,719
I got your invitation to dinner...

331
00:28:28,890 --> 00:28:33,088
...but I didn't realize
I'd be the main course.

332
00:28:34,210 --> 00:28:37,168
I had a kid brother
who got it the same way...

333
00:28:37,330 --> 00:28:40,242
...working on a case like this
two years ago.

334
00:28:40,410 --> 00:28:44,244
That boy would've been 63
on Tuesday.

335
00:28:44,410 --> 00:28:49,848
For two cents, I'd take this...
Get him away from me! Get him away.

336
00:28:50,010 --> 00:28:53,525
Get him away before I stuff him
like a tiger trophy...

337
00:28:53,690 --> 00:28:56,921
...his limey pals
like to hang up on saloon walls.

338
00:28:57,090 --> 00:28:58,887
Please.

339
00:29:00,330 --> 00:29:02,798
He has a dreadful temper,
hasn't he?

340
00:29:16,810 --> 00:29:19,608
9:00, time for dinner.

341
00:29:19,770 --> 00:29:22,284
Is everything ready?

342
00:29:24,690 --> 00:29:26,203
I don't smell anything.

343
00:29:26,370 --> 00:29:28,838
Very light on the seasoning,
are you?

344
00:29:29,010 --> 00:29:32,366
Put the soup in a tureen
and keep the squabs on low.

345
00:29:32,530 --> 00:29:34,725
I'll serve cocktails.

346
00:29:34,890 --> 00:29:39,759
When you hear the bell,
bring out the chilled asparagus...

347
00:29:39,930 --> 00:29:43,206
...and turn up the flame
on the squabs.

348
00:29:44,530 --> 00:29:47,169
Have you got that?

349
00:30:00,890 --> 00:30:02,960
You didn't tell me how I look.

350
00:30:03,130 --> 00:30:05,598
No different than always...
Ravishing.

351
00:30:06,450 --> 00:30:09,647
- Do you love and adore me?
- I love and adore you.

352
00:30:09,930 --> 00:30:14,720
- You have the best tush in high society.
- Years of horseback riding.

353
00:30:14,890 --> 00:30:17,085
Getting to bottom of things?

354
00:30:17,250 --> 00:30:19,684
- Ah, Wang. You remember...
- Of course.

355
00:30:19,850 --> 00:30:22,922
- Nice to see you, Ah Wang.
- Always a pleasure.

356
00:30:23,090 --> 00:30:26,162
What a beautiful gown.
Tell me where you got it.

357
00:30:26,330 --> 00:30:31,279
This? This an old dress.
Had it for years.

358
00:30:31,570 --> 00:30:34,130
Please to meet adopted son, Willie.

359
00:30:34,290 --> 00:30:38,203
East meets West
in a most bizarre setting.

360
00:30:38,370 --> 00:30:41,362
I didn't know you were invited.
You know Wang.

361
00:30:41,530 --> 00:30:44,328
I had the pleasure
of dining in Shanghai...

362
00:30:44,490 --> 00:30:47,084
...many years ago with Inspector Wang.

363
00:30:49,210 --> 00:30:51,280
You remember. Yes.

364
00:30:51,450 --> 00:30:56,001
You had "hong ching chu"
and I had "kow dung woo fong."

365
00:30:56,170 --> 00:30:58,684
My wife, Dora. Inspector Perrier.

366
00:31:01,650 --> 00:31:04,005
I'm sorry. Our room is so dusty.

367
00:31:04,170 --> 00:31:06,479
My fault.
I should have blown first.

368
00:31:06,650 --> 00:31:10,563
May I present my <i>secrétaire</i>
and chauffeur Marcel Cassette.

369
00:31:10,730 --> 00:31:15,929
- Recovered from your accident, Marcel?
- But how did you know?

370
00:31:16,090 --> 00:31:17,762
From the way you bend.

371
00:31:17,930 --> 00:31:20,603
Your right side
smashed in by a Citroen.

372
00:31:20,770 --> 00:31:23,159
I detected a slight
metallic sound...

373
00:31:23,330 --> 00:31:26,606
...so I think you have
an artificial hip. Steel?

374
00:31:26,770 --> 00:31:30,285
Aluminum. You're as quick as ever,
Charleston.

375
00:31:30,450 --> 00:31:32,042
And you, Charleston...

376
00:31:32,210 --> 00:31:35,839
...did not approve of
Mrs. Charleston dying hair blond?

377
00:31:36,010 --> 00:31:37,682
I beg your pardon?

378
00:31:37,850 --> 00:31:39,806
Mrs. Charleston hair red.

379
00:31:40,730 --> 00:31:44,245
You have blond hairs on shoulder.

380
00:31:44,410 --> 00:31:49,564
That means she has dyed red hair
to blond then back again to red.

381
00:31:49,730 --> 00:31:51,561
Or else you have been...

382
00:31:53,490 --> 00:31:58,439
So sorry. Wang is wrong.
Shall we go to dinner, please?

383
00:32:05,250 --> 00:32:09,004
- Boy, Pop, you sure put your...
- Shut Japanese mouth.

384
00:32:09,170 --> 00:32:12,162
It must be ghastly
to have a hip removed.

385
00:32:12,330 --> 00:32:15,083
- Does it hurt?
- Only in damp weather.

386
00:32:21,770 --> 00:32:26,560
- Are you all right?
- Pay no attention. You'll spoil him.

387
00:32:26,730 --> 00:32:28,209
Get up. Get up.

388
00:32:31,170 --> 00:32:34,765
- As I was saying, Mr. Charleston...
- Hey, Pop.

389
00:32:35,570 --> 00:32:38,721
A treacherous road
like fresh mushrooms...

390
00:32:38,890 --> 00:32:43,088
I know. Dog stick tongue
out of picture.

391
00:32:43,250 --> 00:32:45,969
Treacherous road
like fresh mushrooms.

392
00:32:50,370 --> 00:32:51,883
He's a charming fellow.

393
00:32:52,050 --> 00:32:55,087
African death mask.
Died in some tribal ritual.

394
00:32:55,250 --> 00:32:57,559
Wonder where others are.

395
00:32:57,730 --> 00:32:59,607
Others?

396
00:32:59,770 --> 00:33:01,362
What others?

397
00:33:01,530 --> 00:33:05,205
Invitation to dinner and murder
finally clear to Wang...

398
00:33:05,370 --> 00:33:07,930
...with appearance
of Monsieur Perrier.

399
00:33:08,090 --> 00:33:11,969
It's obvious that the world's
greatest detectives were invited.

400
00:33:12,130 --> 00:33:14,690
Five of us, darling.
Three are here.

401
00:33:14,850 --> 00:33:16,568
Two have not yet arrived.

402
00:33:16,730 --> 00:33:19,403
- Miss Jessie Marbles of England.
- And...

403
00:33:19,570 --> 00:33:22,164
Sam Diamond of San Francisco.

404
00:33:22,330 --> 00:33:23,809
I know who you all are.

405
00:33:23,970 --> 00:33:28,839
The lady in the dress is my secretary
and mistress, Tess Skeffington.

406
00:33:29,010 --> 00:33:32,047
- Sam, don't.
- I'm sorry, sweetheart.

407
00:33:32,210 --> 00:33:35,088
She doesn't like it
when I'm brutally honest.

408
00:33:35,250 --> 00:33:38,128
Then again, we're all
in a brutal business.

409
00:33:38,290 --> 00:33:42,522
Never considered murder
to be business, Mr. Diamond.

410
00:33:42,690 --> 00:33:44,726
Is that right, Mr. Wang?

411
00:33:44,890 --> 00:33:50,248
Maybe not for you, since you put your
money in vegetables in the late '30s.

412
00:33:50,410 --> 00:33:53,527
Our friends don't know
that you own 50 percent...

413
00:33:53,690 --> 00:33:57,603
...of the bean sprouts and the bamboo
shoots grown in China.

414
00:33:57,770 --> 00:34:00,648
You can imagine how much
chicken chow mein...

415
00:34:00,810 --> 00:34:02,960
...goes into his pot each year.

416
00:34:03,130 --> 00:34:05,485
- Do I have the figures right?
- Right.

417
00:34:05,650 --> 00:34:07,880
What does this have to do
with anything?

418
00:34:08,050 --> 00:34:10,439
Or you, Mr. Perrier.

419
00:34:10,610 --> 00:34:13,363
You work both sides
of the big drink.

420
00:34:13,530 --> 00:34:16,966
Pretty good pickings,
solving crimes for barons...

421
00:34:17,130 --> 00:34:19,849
...and putting your fees
into Swiss banks.

422
00:34:20,010 --> 00:34:23,082
Three trips a year buys
a lot of hot chocolate.

423
00:34:23,250 --> 00:34:24,524
See here, Diamond...

424
00:34:24,690 --> 00:34:29,844
You see here, Mr. Charleston of
New York, Palm Beach and Beverly Hills.

425
00:34:30,010 --> 00:34:32,319
Crime's a hobby to you, isn't it?

426
00:34:32,490 --> 00:34:37,245
It’s a game to wile away the time
while you wait for room service...

427
00:34:37,410 --> 00:34:41,562
...while your wife's dough buys
martinis and your $300 suits.

428
00:34:41,730 --> 00:34:44,244
That's nice, when all
you gotta do...

429
00:34:44,410 --> 00:34:48,722
...is give your wife a grab now
and then and take the dog for a leak.

430
00:34:48,890 --> 00:34:52,405
Sorry to shock you, but I never
went to finishing school.

431
00:34:52,570 --> 00:34:54,322
My school is the streets...

432
00:34:54,490 --> 00:34:57,482
...and the barrel of a revolver
is my teacher.

433
00:34:57,650 --> 00:35:01,882
I get $50 a day in expenses
when I can get them, gentlemen.

434
00:35:02,050 --> 00:35:05,884
I owe Miss Skeffington three years
back pay. Ain't that right?

435
00:35:06,050 --> 00:35:09,201
- I don't care about the money.
- Neither do I.

436
00:35:09,370 --> 00:35:12,919
If one of you would be
so kind as to give my friend...

437
00:35:13,090 --> 00:35:17,242
...a glass of cheap white wine,
I'm going down to find the can.

438
00:35:17,410 --> 00:35:20,208
I talk so much sometimes,
I forget to go.

439
00:35:22,810 --> 00:35:26,041
Please excuse Sam.
He was shot in the head last week.

440
00:35:26,210 --> 00:35:28,770
He shouldn't be
out of the hospital.

441
00:35:28,930 --> 00:35:32,002
- I think he's damned honest.
- Dickie, language.

442
00:35:32,170 --> 00:35:34,809
Miss Jessica Marbles and nurse.

443
00:35:43,450 --> 00:35:47,523
Miss Marbles.
So we finally meet.

444
00:35:47,690 --> 00:35:52,206
I've admired you ever since
I was tiny little detective.

445
00:35:52,370 --> 00:35:54,122
Thank you, Mr. Wang.

446
00:35:54,290 --> 00:35:56,599
I am Jessica Marbles.

447
00:35:56,770 --> 00:36:01,525
This is Miss Withers, my nurse.
She's been with me 52 years.

448
00:36:01,690 --> 00:36:04,363
I have to take care
of the poor dear now.

449
00:36:04,530 --> 00:36:09,126
Are you all right, Miss Withers?
Do you want your medicine now?

450
00:36:18,290 --> 00:36:22,203
She's off. I could use
a good, stiff shot, Mr. Charleston.

451
00:36:22,370 --> 00:36:25,726
I believe booze, as you call it,
is your department.

452
00:36:25,890 --> 00:36:29,087
- My pleasure, madam.
- Who's the old geezer?

453
00:36:31,170 --> 00:36:32,649
Jessie, baby!

454
00:36:34,770 --> 00:36:39,719
- You have a bullet hole in your back.
- You should see the other guy.

455
00:36:40,850 --> 00:36:42,488
Quiet, please.

456
00:36:42,650 --> 00:36:45,403
Observe strange sound.

457
00:36:49,770 --> 00:36:53,558
My God, it's the face.
It's coming from the face.

458
00:36:55,850 --> 00:36:58,648
He's going through
his final moments.

459
00:36:58,810 --> 00:37:04,043
- What could it mean?
- It means dinner, sir. We have no gong.

460
00:37:11,650 --> 00:37:14,642
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to make a toast.

461
00:37:14,810 --> 00:37:18,769
Our host, Mr. Lionel Twain,
is indeed a most unique man.

462
00:37:18,930 --> 00:37:21,160
One:
He's succeeded in gathering...

463
00:37:21,330 --> 00:37:23,764
...the world's greatest detectives...

464
00:37:23,930 --> 00:37:27,127
...to investigate a crime
not yet committed.

465
00:37:27,290 --> 00:37:29,087
Two: He's set traps for us:

466
00:37:29,250 --> 00:37:32,322
A bridge that almost collapses,
falling statues.

467
00:37:32,490 --> 00:37:34,128
Does he mean to kill us?

468
00:37:34,290 --> 00:37:37,043
Not yet. He could've done that
at any time.

469
00:37:37,210 --> 00:37:40,725
He's merely trying to whet
our appetites for the game.

470
00:37:40,890 --> 00:37:45,122
Three: Why five detectives
instead of one?

471
00:37:45,290 --> 00:37:48,282
Because he intends
to take us all on...

472
00:37:48,450 --> 00:37:51,760
...a feat that no criminal mind
has yet attempted.

473
00:37:51,930 --> 00:37:54,808
Before this hellish
weekend begins...

474
00:37:54,970 --> 00:37:57,359
...I propose that we toast...

475
00:37:57,530 --> 00:38:00,727
...to either a most beguiling
and charming man...

476
00:38:00,890 --> 00:38:04,360
...or to an insidious,
fiendish madman.

477
00:38:05,570 --> 00:38:07,561
- Bottoms up.
- One moment.

478
00:38:08,970 --> 00:38:11,723
Point four: Wine poisoned.

479
00:38:13,570 --> 00:38:18,086
An ancient, tasteless, colourless
and odourless Oriental herb...

480
00:38:18,250 --> 00:38:21,367
...that kills instantly.
Observe, please.

481
00:38:29,370 --> 00:38:32,362
Great Scott, Mr. Wang.
You saved our lives.

482
00:38:32,530 --> 00:38:35,124
Not quite, Mrs. Charleston.

483
00:38:35,290 --> 00:38:37,326
Bon appétit.

484
00:38:40,330 --> 00:38:44,687
Since Wang was the one who could
detect poison, only he was tested.

485
00:38:44,850 --> 00:38:46,329
Point five:

486
00:38:46,490 --> 00:38:50,403
Mr. Twain is both beguiling
and fiendish.

487
00:38:53,970 --> 00:38:57,201
- Get a doctor, quick.
- No, no. It's all right.

488
00:38:57,370 --> 00:39:01,727
My wine is not poisoned.
It was just a bad year.

489
00:39:01,890 --> 00:39:03,323
Good work, Mr. Wang.

490
00:39:03,490 --> 00:39:07,483
We must all be on our guard
through every course of the meal.

491
00:39:07,650 --> 00:39:09,800
You're all forgetting one thing.

492
00:39:10,930 --> 00:39:14,445
This makes the butler suspicious.
He poured the wine.

493
00:39:14,610 --> 00:39:18,842
How would he know which
one to serve the poisoned glass to?

494
00:39:19,010 --> 00:39:20,602
That's very simple.

495
00:39:20,770 --> 00:39:24,365
Blind people have
a very keen sense of smell.

496
00:39:24,530 --> 00:39:28,284
Since we're Anglo-Saxon
and Mr. Wang's son is Japanese...

497
00:39:28,450 --> 00:39:30,520
...it wouldn't be hard
to sniff out the Chinaman.

498
00:39:30,690 --> 00:39:33,204
See here.
That's a tacky thing to say.

499
00:39:33,370 --> 00:39:35,759
It's a tacky world,
Mr. Charleston.

500
00:39:35,930 --> 00:39:38,490
- Isn't that right, angel?
- That's right.

501
00:39:38,650 --> 00:39:41,687
Quiet, please.
Butler approaches.

502
00:39:41,850 --> 00:39:46,480
I apologize. I'm having
communication problems with the cook.

503
00:39:46,650 --> 00:39:48,208
Who poured the wine?

504
00:39:48,370 --> 00:39:50,247
Mr. Twain, sir.

505
00:39:50,410 --> 00:39:53,402
It was left for me
in the refrigerator.

506
00:39:53,570 --> 00:39:57,404
I was told to give Mr. Wang
the glass with the sticky stem.

507
00:39:57,570 --> 00:39:59,162
And you didn't ask why?

508
00:39:59,330 --> 00:40:02,003
I was lucky to find
the refrigerator.

509
00:40:02,170 --> 00:40:05,560
- If I may serve the soup now?
- By all means.

510
00:40:15,970 --> 00:40:17,961
Yes, I'm famished.

511
00:40:32,050 --> 00:40:34,325
One moment.

512
00:40:34,490 --> 00:40:37,129
- Where is the soup?
- In your dish, sir.

513
00:40:37,290 --> 00:40:40,327
There is nothing in my dish
but my dish.

514
00:40:40,490 --> 00:40:43,960
- I don't understand, sir.
- Here, take the spoon.

515
00:40:44,130 --> 00:40:45,961
Taste it for yourself.

516
00:40:54,250 --> 00:40:56,241
I see what you mean, sir.

517
00:40:56,410 --> 00:41:00,847
If you'll excuse me, I'd better
have a little talk with the cook.

518
00:41:02,250 --> 00:41:06,846
Murder by starvation.
Maybe that's his game.

519
00:41:07,010 --> 00:41:10,161
- What do you think?
- I don't know. Ask the moose.

520
00:41:10,330 --> 00:41:13,447
He's been watching
since we came in.

521
00:41:16,250 --> 00:41:20,482
Ten people for dinner,
and I'm serving them hot nothing!

522
00:41:20,650 --> 00:41:22,845
You can't get good help today.

523
00:41:28,890 --> 00:41:32,439
You're fired, you understand?
Fired!

524
00:41:32,610 --> 00:41:35,363
I want you out,
do you hear? Out!

525
00:41:40,610 --> 00:41:42,441
And stay out.

526
00:41:44,130 --> 00:41:46,246
Something just occurred to me.

527
00:41:46,410 --> 00:41:48,799
- The seating's all wrong.
- How so?

528
00:41:48,970 --> 00:41:51,484
- I'm sitting next to Dora.
- So what?

529
00:41:51,650 --> 00:41:53,481
- She's your wife.
- Exactly.

530
00:41:53,650 --> 00:41:56,801
The husband's never seated
next to the wife.

531
00:41:56,970 --> 00:42:00,326
I should be on the opposite side.
Will you trade?

532
00:42:00,490 --> 00:42:02,958
- Now, Mr. Charleston?
- Now, Mr. Wang.

533
00:42:06,050 --> 00:42:09,122
Another test that could
have cost us our lives.

534
00:42:09,290 --> 00:42:12,088
Saved only by the fact
that I am well-bred.

535
00:42:12,250 --> 00:42:15,720
Lucky it wasn't me.
I'd have been chopped liver.

536
00:42:19,770 --> 00:42:24,082
Silence, please. Do not panic.
No person move from place.

537
00:42:24,250 --> 00:42:26,639
Someone just came in.
I hear footsteps.

538
00:42:26,810 --> 00:42:29,244
Wait! Quiet, everyone!

539
00:42:29,410 --> 00:42:31,844
- I smell something.
- What is it?

540
00:42:32,010 --> 00:42:34,808
Good God! Franks and beans!

541
00:42:34,970 --> 00:42:37,530
I'm afraid that's all we have,
sir.

542
00:42:37,690 --> 00:42:40,250
You know how I get
when you touch me there.

543
00:42:40,410 --> 00:42:42,321
My hands are in my pockets.

544
00:42:42,490 --> 00:42:44,879
- They're my pockets.
- Sorry.

545
00:42:45,050 --> 00:42:46,881
Dickie, behave yourself.

546
00:42:49,850 --> 00:42:52,080
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

547
00:42:52,250 --> 00:42:54,445
I'm your host, Lionel Twain.

548
00:43:09,090 --> 00:43:11,240
Good God, what an entrance!

549
00:43:11,410 --> 00:43:16,245
A bit theatrical, Miss Marbles,
but I do so love illusion.

550
00:43:16,410 --> 00:43:19,049
Please forgive my hat.
I'm losing my hair.

551
00:43:19,210 --> 00:43:22,361
I thought Twain was
an older man, say 72, 73.

552
00:43:22,530 --> 00:43:26,079
Seventy-six to be exact,
Mr. Diamond.

553
00:43:26,250 --> 00:43:29,526
How do I look so young?
Quite simple.

554
00:43:29,690 --> 00:43:33,319
A complete vegetable diet,
12 hours' sleep a night...

555
00:43:33,490 --> 00:43:36,288
...and lots and lots of makeup.

556
00:43:36,450 --> 00:43:40,238
- I trust you're all comfortable.
- Comfortable, Mr. Twain?

557
00:43:40,410 --> 00:43:44,164
Is that what you call poisoned wine
and near decapitation?

558
00:43:44,330 --> 00:43:47,367
No. I call it inspiration.

559
00:43:47,530 --> 00:43:52,240
You haven't explained the mechanical
and culinary attempts on our lives.

560
00:43:52,410 --> 00:43:55,004
Merely games, Monsieur Perrier.

561
00:43:55,170 --> 00:43:58,162
Pitting wits with you,
so to speak.

562
00:43:58,330 --> 00:44:02,118
Pit your wits with me
and you won't have wits to pit with.

563
00:44:02,290 --> 00:44:04,281
You're spitting on the nurse.

564
00:44:04,450 --> 00:44:08,079
Sorry, old lady.
Crazy broad should be in bed.

565
00:44:08,250 --> 00:44:10,400
We have been here four hours...

566
00:44:10,570 --> 00:44:13,801
...and there hasn't been
a hot dinner or a corpse.

567
00:44:13,970 --> 00:44:17,679
- I must therefore bid you adieu.
- I bid one adieu as well.

568
00:44:17,850 --> 00:44:20,364
No one is leaving this house.

569
00:44:31,650 --> 00:44:33,925
What meaning of this, Mr. Twain?

570
00:44:34,090 --> 00:44:37,162
I will tell you, Mr. Wang,
if you can tell me...

571
00:44:37,330 --> 00:44:40,561
...why one of the most brilliant
minds of the century...

572
00:44:40,730 --> 00:44:42,960
...can't say prepositions
or articles.

573
00:44:43,130 --> 00:44:46,122
"The," Mr. Wang.
"What is the meaning of this?"

574
00:44:46,290 --> 00:44:49,726
That what I said.
What meaning of this?

575
00:44:49,890 --> 00:44:51,642
The meaning of this is...

576
00:44:51,810 --> 00:44:55,280
...that I have decided to prove,
beyond any doubt...

577
00:44:55,450 --> 00:45:00,365
...that the greatest criminologist in
the world is sitting at this table...

578
00:45:00,530 --> 00:45:03,044
...and you are all looking at him.

579
00:45:03,210 --> 00:45:05,360
No, don't look at each other!

580
00:45:05,530 --> 00:45:09,045
Look at me! I'm the greatest!
I'm number one!

581
00:45:09,210 --> 00:45:12,566
To me you look like number two.
Know what I mean?

582
00:45:12,730 --> 00:45:16,962
- What does he mean?
- I'll tell you later. It's disgusting.

583
00:45:17,130 --> 00:45:20,406
In all your adventures,
monsieurs and madames...

584
00:45:20,570 --> 00:45:23,642
...none of you has ever had
an unsolved murder.

585
00:45:23,810 --> 00:45:27,689
Your reputations exist
on this single fact.

586
00:45:27,850 --> 00:45:33,288
But what would the world say
if the five greatest detectives...

587
00:45:33,450 --> 00:45:38,729
...found themselves trapped
in a house, shut off from the world...

588
00:45:38,890 --> 00:45:42,007
...only to discover
a dead body...

589
00:45:42,170 --> 00:45:45,480
...stabbed 12 times in the back
with a knife...

590
00:45:45,650 --> 00:45:50,963
...and not one of you able
to solve the crime?

591
00:45:51,130 --> 00:45:53,485
- You mean murder?
- We're talking shop.

592
00:45:53,650 --> 00:45:55,720
Yes, murder, Mrs. Charleston!

593
00:45:55,890 --> 00:45:57,767
On the stroke of midnight...

594
00:45:57,930 --> 00:46:01,047
...someone in this house
will be murdered.

595
00:46:01,210 --> 00:46:04,805
Left out one small detail,
Mr. Twain.

596
00:46:05,810 --> 00:46:07,880
Who victim?

597
00:46:08,050 --> 00:46:10,439
"Is the." "Is the."

598
00:46:10,610 --> 00:46:13,886
"Who is the victim?"
That drives me crazy!

599
00:46:14,050 --> 00:46:17,360
- Sounds like a short ride to me.
- Does it?

600
00:46:17,530 --> 00:46:22,445
Well, we shall see who is sane
and who is crazy around here.

601
00:46:23,970 --> 00:46:25,369
Mr. Wang...

602
00:46:25,530 --> 00:46:29,284
...the victim is here at this table
at this very moment...

603
00:46:29,450 --> 00:46:33,762
...and so too, ladies and gentlemen,
is the murderer.

604
00:46:33,930 --> 00:46:37,047
- Murder-poo?
- Yes, dear.

605
00:46:37,210 --> 00:46:40,805
We're going to have
a lovely murder-poo.

606
00:46:40,970 --> 00:46:44,565
Push her wheelchair down the driveway.
We got business.

607
00:46:44,730 --> 00:46:47,528
- You know who's gonna get it?
- Intimately.

608
00:46:47,690 --> 00:46:50,284
- And how it'll be committed?
- Definitely.

609
00:46:50,450 --> 00:46:52,600
And what time
murder take place?

610
00:46:52,770 --> 00:46:55,125
"The" murder. Precisely.

611
00:46:55,290 --> 00:46:59,602
It's not my business, but doesn't
that mean you're the murderer?

612
00:46:59,770 --> 00:47:03,046
No wives. I refuse to
discuss this with wives.

613
00:47:03,210 --> 00:47:06,805
All fingers do point to you.
Not much of a challenge.

614
00:47:06,970 --> 00:47:09,643
Shall I make it more interesting?

615
00:47:09,810 --> 00:47:13,200
One million dollars
to the one who solves the crime.

616
00:47:13,370 --> 00:47:15,930
Wagered against your reputations.

617
00:47:16,090 --> 00:47:18,081
One million dollars, tax-free.

618
00:47:18,250 --> 00:47:21,799
In addition, the paperback rights
and the film sale.

619
00:47:21,970 --> 00:47:23,483
It's 11:00, amigos...

620
00:47:23,650 --> 00:47:27,563
...just one hour before death
strikes someone in this room.

621
00:47:27,730 --> 00:47:30,369
See you at midnight.

622
00:47:33,570 --> 00:47:35,401
See here, Mr. Twain!

623
00:47:36,610 --> 00:47:40,569
- He's gone!
- No, he's not. He's down there.

624
00:47:40,730 --> 00:47:42,686
Fast little bunny, ain't you?

625
00:47:42,850 --> 00:47:45,205
I've never moved, Mr. Diamond.

626
00:47:45,370 --> 00:47:48,362
I'm still down there.
A stunt with mirrors.

627
00:47:48,530 --> 00:47:52,318
Is that so?
Willing to risk seven years' bad luck?

628
00:47:52,490 --> 00:47:54,162
Try it, Mr. Diamond.

629
00:47:54,330 --> 00:47:56,400
It's your funeral, butterball.

630
00:47:57,450 --> 00:48:00,601
Wait. Sometimes it doesn't work.

631
00:48:02,850 --> 00:48:05,762
You've won this round,
Mr. Diamond.

632
00:48:05,930 --> 00:48:08,285
My turn comes at midnight.

633
00:48:16,290 --> 00:48:18,850
I hope he knows
how to stop that thing.

634
00:48:20,050 --> 00:48:24,566
Anybody offering a million bucks to
solve a crime that ain't happened...

635
00:48:24,730 --> 00:48:27,005
...has lost more upstairs than hair.

636
00:48:27,170 --> 00:48:30,082
What do we do?
Sit and wait to be butchered?

637
00:48:30,250 --> 00:48:32,002
And what has happened
to the butler?

638
00:48:32,170 --> 00:48:35,640
Why has he not returned?
With our dinner?

639
00:48:35,810 --> 00:48:37,960
- Go look for him.
- No!

640
00:48:38,130 --> 00:48:40,564
- No one to leave this room.
- Why not?

641
00:48:40,730 --> 00:48:42,880
Twain say victim at this table.

642
00:48:43,050 --> 00:48:47,282
If we stay together, crime
cannot be committed without witnesses.

643
00:48:47,450 --> 00:48:50,283
He's right.
You're one smart Chinaman.

644
00:48:50,450 --> 00:48:56,207
Let's join hands. The chain's stronger
if the links are unbroken. Join hands.

645
00:49:07,850 --> 00:49:09,363
Stop that.

646
00:49:12,650 --> 00:49:15,289
- Stop it, I said.
- What is it, Diamond?

647
00:49:15,850 --> 00:49:19,047
She's giving my palm the finger,
the dirty broad.

648
00:49:19,210 --> 00:49:22,168
Naughty, naughty, Miss Withers.

649
00:49:26,530 --> 00:49:28,168
- Good God!
- What?

650
00:49:28,330 --> 00:49:30,161
Look!

651
00:49:33,970 --> 00:49:36,325
- What's she doing?
- She's screaming.

652
00:49:36,490 --> 00:49:39,323
- What's happened?
- Something wrong in kitchen.

653
00:49:39,490 --> 00:49:41,526
- With our dinner!
- Patience.

654
00:49:41,690 --> 00:49:44,250
- Is someone there?
- Someone with dinner?

655
00:49:44,410 --> 00:49:47,163
Cook cannot speak or hear.

656
00:49:48,650 --> 00:49:51,244
"I think butler is dead.

657
00:49:51,410 --> 00:49:54,527
My name is Yetta.
I don't work Thursdays."

658
00:49:54,690 --> 00:49:56,487
Ask her if she sleeps in.

659
00:49:56,650 --> 00:49:58,800
We'll investigate.
Someone must go.

660
00:49:58,970 --> 00:50:01,962
Not alone. Mr. Charleston,
Mr. Diamond, stay.

661
00:50:02,130 --> 00:50:06,203
Miss Marble, Mr. Perrier and Wang,
we'll investigate.

662
00:50:10,130 --> 00:50:13,008
That's right,
just let it all out.

663
00:50:14,050 --> 00:50:16,689
Here. Oh, dear.

664
00:50:18,210 --> 00:50:21,122
Careful, Wang!
Fingerprints.

665
00:50:21,290 --> 00:50:24,088
- Where?
- Yours.

666
00:50:24,250 --> 00:50:26,366
Here, take my handkerchief.

667
00:50:39,370 --> 00:50:41,167
- Is he?
- He look like...

668
00:50:41,330 --> 00:50:43,605
Seems like.

669
00:50:43,770 --> 00:50:46,284
Touch nothing!
Fingerprints.

670
00:50:46,450 --> 00:50:48,202
Quite so.

671
00:50:48,370 --> 00:50:50,167
Pencil.

672
00:51:04,050 --> 00:51:05,927
No pulse.

673
00:51:06,850 --> 00:51:09,045
No heartbeat.

674
00:51:09,210 --> 00:51:13,408
If condition does not change,
this man is dead.

675
00:51:13,570 --> 00:51:15,765
No signs of foul play.

676
00:51:15,930 --> 00:51:17,045
Hold on!

677
00:51:17,210 --> 00:51:19,041
What's this?

678
00:51:20,450 --> 00:51:22,759
What do you make of this, Perrier?

679
00:51:23,770 --> 00:51:25,249
Poison, <i>n'est-ce pas?</i>

680
00:51:25,410 --> 00:51:28,083
Not <i>n'est-ce pas.</i> Cocoa.

681
00:51:28,250 --> 00:51:30,480
So at last we have our murder.

682
00:51:30,650 --> 00:51:34,484
Not quite. Twain say murder victim
sitting at our table.

683
00:51:34,650 --> 00:51:36,447
Butler not at our table.

684
00:51:36,610 --> 00:51:41,286
Butler only killed to divert us
from real murder still to come.

685
00:51:42,330 --> 00:51:43,479
Look!

686
00:51:43,650 --> 00:51:47,609
One of the knives is missing.
The butcher's knife, I'll wager.

687
00:51:47,770 --> 00:51:50,807
- The others are in danger.
- What's exact time?

688
00:51:52,450 --> 00:51:54,281
11:31 and 56 seconds.

689
00:51:54,850 --> 00:51:57,364
Fifty-seven, fifty-eight...

690
00:51:57,530 --> 00:52:00,044
Tell me when to stop. 59, 60...

691
00:52:00,210 --> 00:52:03,680
28 minutes to main murder.
Back to dining room.

692
00:52:03,850 --> 00:52:06,444
Must all be together at midnight.

693
00:52:07,730 --> 00:52:09,243
One moment!

694
00:52:13,810 --> 00:52:15,482
Handkerchief.

695
00:52:26,770 --> 00:52:29,045
- What is it?
- A bill.

696
00:52:29,210 --> 00:52:33,726
Everything here has been rented:
The butler, the food, the chairs.

697
00:52:33,890 --> 00:52:35,767
- You mean?
- Yes.

698
00:52:35,930 --> 00:52:39,320
This entire murder
has been catered.

699
00:52:42,650 --> 00:52:44,959
It's Twain's doing.
The man is mad.

700
00:52:45,130 --> 00:52:48,406
Mad, yes, but no fool.
I only hope we are in time.

701
00:52:48,570 --> 00:52:49,570
Door locked.

702
00:52:49,730 --> 00:52:52,483
Diamond probably locked
it from the inside.

703
00:52:52,650 --> 00:52:55,118
Good thinking on Diamond head.

704
00:52:55,290 --> 00:52:58,441
Diamond, it's Perrier.
It's all right. Open up.

705
00:52:59,890 --> 00:53:02,358
Diamond? Charleston?
Are you in there?

706
00:53:02,530 --> 00:53:07,285
Go back to kitchen, get dining
room key from pocket of dead butler.

707
00:53:07,450 --> 00:53:12,205
Don't say "dead butler." It's bad
enough I have to reach in his pocket.

708
00:53:23,930 --> 00:53:25,807
Holy <i>merde.</i>

709
00:53:32,130 --> 00:53:33,927
Miss Skeffington!

710
00:53:34,090 --> 00:53:36,081
Miss Skeffington!
Miss Withers!

711
00:53:36,250 --> 00:53:37,444
- He's gone.
- Who?

712
00:53:37,610 --> 00:53:40,443
The butler's body is missing.
Here's the key.

713
00:53:40,610 --> 00:53:42,885
- Where you find key?
- In his pocket.

714
00:53:43,050 --> 00:53:44,722
- What pocket?
- The butler's.

715
00:53:44,890 --> 00:53:47,529
- Butler gone, but pocket there?
- Exactly.

716
00:53:47,690 --> 00:53:50,045
Someone stole him
but left his clothes.

717
00:53:50,210 --> 00:53:53,327
Open the door.
Something is very wrong here.

718
00:53:58,690 --> 00:54:01,682
Hello. Where is everyone?

719
00:54:01,850 --> 00:54:04,569
Room filled with empty people.

720
00:54:04,730 --> 00:54:06,721
I'll try the other door.

721
00:54:08,450 --> 00:54:10,406
It's locked from the inside.

722
00:54:10,570 --> 00:54:13,528
Both doors locked
from inside, yet no way out.

723
00:54:13,690 --> 00:54:15,442
I don't like it one bit.

724
00:54:15,610 --> 00:54:17,646
I like it,
but don't understand.

725
00:54:18,770 --> 00:54:22,399
Maybe other way out of room,
secret passageway perhaps.

726
00:54:23,810 --> 00:54:27,689
Wrong. There are no
secret passageways, Mr. Wang.

727
00:54:27,850 --> 00:54:29,920
- You spoke?
- Not me.

728
00:54:30,090 --> 00:54:31,887
I spoke.

729
00:54:33,650 --> 00:54:36,448
There! Voice come from cow
on wall!

730
00:54:36,610 --> 00:54:39,329
Moose! Moose, you imbecile!

731
00:54:39,490 --> 00:54:42,926
What have you done
with the others, you short madman?

732
00:54:43,930 --> 00:54:47,366
Stumped already.
Need some clues, Mr. Perrier?

733
00:54:47,530 --> 00:54:51,921
I need no clues from you. I find my
own, you demented lollipop!

734
00:54:52,090 --> 00:54:55,366
Man who argue with cow
is like train without wheels.

735
00:54:55,530 --> 00:54:58,203
- Soon get nowhere.
- I'm sick of fortunes!

736
00:54:58,370 --> 00:55:02,204
- Man who's sick of fortune...
- I said I was sick of this!

737
00:55:02,370 --> 00:55:05,203
- Quiet, gentlemen, please!
- Cow talk again.

738
00:55:05,370 --> 00:55:07,759
In need of a hint, Miss Marbles?

739
00:55:07,930 --> 00:55:12,560
You all mistake what you assume
They never left the dining room

740
00:55:12,730 --> 00:55:16,848
Count the numbers one to 10
Turn the knob and try again

741
00:55:18,130 --> 00:55:21,486
What does that mean,
they never left the room?!

742
00:55:21,650 --> 00:55:24,403
- They did.
- Do not mistake what you assume.

743
00:55:24,570 --> 00:55:26,481
- Back out in hall.
- What for?

744
00:55:26,650 --> 00:55:30,962
We assume others not here,
but cow say they are in dining room.

745
00:55:31,130 --> 00:55:32,927
Let us look once more.

746
00:55:35,570 --> 00:55:37,765
Please close door, Mr. Perrier.

747
00:55:39,650 --> 00:55:41,925
- I can't see what good...
- Quiet.

748
00:55:42,090 --> 00:55:43,921
Seven, eight, nine, 10.

749
00:55:45,050 --> 00:55:48,201
Miss Marbles, be so kind
as to open door.

750
00:55:54,290 --> 00:55:56,406
Where were you?
We was worried.

751
00:55:56,570 --> 00:55:58,447
Where were you?

752
00:55:58,610 --> 00:56:00,919
Here. Didn't you say not to leave?

753
00:56:01,090 --> 00:56:04,639
- You have not left this room since?
- Certainly not.

754
00:56:04,810 --> 00:56:06,607
Answer simple...

755
00:56:06,770 --> 00:56:09,284
...but question very hard.

756
00:56:09,450 --> 00:56:12,601
- Where's the butler?
- Completely murdered.

757
00:56:12,770 --> 00:56:16,080
Poisoned. One of
the butcher's knives is missing.

758
00:56:16,250 --> 00:56:19,162
We came back here,
but the doors were locked.

759
00:56:19,330 --> 00:56:23,448
I went to get the key from the butler.
His body was gone.

760
00:56:23,610 --> 00:56:26,363
He'd been stripped
and his clothes left.

761
00:56:26,530 --> 00:56:31,126
I don't understand. Why would anyone
want to steal a dead, naked body?

762
00:56:31,290 --> 00:56:33,565
Well, dear,
there are people who...

763
00:56:35,490 --> 00:56:38,800
That's tacky. That's really tacky.

764
00:56:38,970 --> 00:56:40,926
Then we returned here...

765
00:56:41,090 --> 00:56:43,888
...opened the door,
but the room was empty.

766
00:56:44,050 --> 00:56:46,644
You were all gone.

767
00:56:46,810 --> 00:56:51,520
The moose had told us not to assume
that you'd left the dining room.

768
00:56:51,690 --> 00:56:55,444
So we counted to 10
and tried it again.

769
00:56:56,490 --> 00:56:58,367
And here you were.

770
00:56:58,530 --> 00:57:02,682
I'm not one to use hyperbole,
but I'll tell you this.

771
00:57:02,850 --> 00:57:08,004
For the first time in my life,
I had the ca-ca scared out of me.

772
00:57:08,170 --> 00:57:11,287
I like her.
I really like her.

773
00:57:12,530 --> 00:57:15,124
- Gunshots, monsieur.
- Gunshots, Pop.

774
00:57:15,290 --> 00:57:17,167
Gunshots, Dickie.

775
00:57:18,210 --> 00:57:24,319
This time Charleston and I will go.
Everybody else stay here. Let's go.

776
00:57:28,970 --> 00:57:31,484
What do you make
of all of this, Wang?

777
00:57:34,530 --> 00:57:36,361
Is confusing.

778
00:57:36,530 --> 00:57:40,808
"It"! "It" is confusing!
Say your goddamn pronouns!

779
00:57:46,810 --> 00:57:48,448
Open the door.

780
00:57:49,530 --> 00:57:51,327
- Good God!
- What is it?

781
00:57:51,490 --> 00:57:52,684
He's back.

782
00:57:55,890 --> 00:57:58,006
And au naturel.

783
00:57:58,170 --> 00:58:02,641
I don't get it. First they steal
the body and leave the clothes.

784
00:58:02,810 --> 00:58:06,166
Then they steal the clothes
and bring the body back.

785
00:58:06,330 --> 00:58:09,925
- Who would do that?
- Possibly a deranged dry cleaner.

786
00:58:10,090 --> 00:58:11,921
What about the gunshots?

787
00:58:12,090 --> 00:58:14,809
Why shoot him
when he's been poisoned?

788
00:58:14,970 --> 00:58:19,600
We heard shots, but I don't see bullet
holes. Not on his head or chest.

789
00:58:19,770 --> 00:58:22,967
- Look all over him.
- All over his body?

790
00:58:23,130 --> 00:58:25,360
Somebody has to.
I'm standing guard.

791
00:58:25,530 --> 00:58:27,282
I'll stand guard. You look.

792
00:58:27,450 --> 00:58:29,202
We'll take turns.

793
00:58:29,370 --> 00:58:33,921
You look over the first dead
naked body, I'll look over the second.

794
00:58:35,890 --> 00:58:38,688
Hurry up.
We only got eight minutes.

795
00:58:45,650 --> 00:58:46,799
See anything?

796
00:58:46,970 --> 00:58:50,121
No, I don't see
a bullet hole anywhere.

797
00:58:50,290 --> 00:58:53,282
- Hold it. I see something.
- What is it?

798
00:58:53,450 --> 00:58:55,759
Forget it.
Not a bullet hole.

799
00:58:55,930 --> 00:58:58,649
If he wasn't plugged,
what about the shots?

800
00:58:58,810 --> 00:59:00,880
- Divide and conquer.
- What?

801
00:59:01,050 --> 00:59:02,199
Another diversion.

802
00:59:02,370 --> 00:59:05,999
He gives us meaningless clues,
dangles red herrings...

803
00:59:06,170 --> 00:59:08,400
...bedazzles us with banalities...

804
00:59:08,570 --> 00:59:12,358
...while seconds tick away
towards the terrible murder.

805
00:59:12,530 --> 00:59:16,409
You're good. Not my kind of cop,
but smart, and you smell good.

806
00:59:16,570 --> 00:59:19,528
You're not a pansy,
but what the hell are you?

807
00:59:19,690 --> 00:59:21,089
Classy, I suppose.

808
00:59:21,250 --> 00:59:24,287
- Dames fall for a guy like you.
- I don't see...

809
00:59:24,450 --> 00:59:26,406
Ever make it with a waitress?

810
00:59:26,570 --> 00:59:29,482
A waitress.
Big, fat waitress.

811
00:59:29,650 --> 00:59:32,039
I don't know about society dames...

812
00:59:32,210 --> 00:59:36,203
...but you ain't had it till you
made it with a big waitress.

813
00:59:36,370 --> 00:59:39,567
If you're ever interested,
you give me a call.

814
00:59:44,690 --> 00:59:46,009
Bizarre little twit.

815
00:59:46,170 --> 00:59:49,082
I'm still not sure about this guy.

816
00:59:56,050 --> 00:59:58,359
- What are you doing?
- I have to wash...

817
00:59:58,530 --> 01:00:00,282
I'll be out in a minute.

818
01:00:00,450 --> 01:00:02,759
I'll go ahead.
I'll tell the others.

819
01:00:03,930 --> 01:00:06,842
You're never gonna
believe this, folks.

820
01:00:07,010 --> 01:00:08,762
All right, where are you?

821
01:00:08,930 --> 01:00:12,047
What the hell is going on here?

822
01:00:12,210 --> 01:00:14,770
Wash up later.
We got problems.

823
01:00:20,530 --> 01:00:22,521
Locked from the inside.

824
01:00:24,690 --> 01:00:27,443
That can only mean one thing...

825
01:00:27,610 --> 01:00:29,805
...and I don't know what it is.

826
01:00:35,610 --> 01:00:37,805
You're never gonna believe...

827
01:00:46,930 --> 01:00:48,522
I'll be out in a minute.

828
01:00:56,770 --> 01:00:59,238
I don't remember
closing that door.

829
01:01:05,410 --> 01:01:07,241
What happened?

830
01:01:08,690 --> 01:01:10,760
What were the gunshots?

831
01:01:13,690 --> 01:01:16,079
Did anybody leave
since we were gone?

832
01:01:16,250 --> 01:01:19,242
- It happened to you too.
- Where's my Dickie?

833
01:01:20,370 --> 01:01:22,167
Sorry. Where's my husband?

834
01:01:22,330 --> 01:01:25,527
Two minutes to midnight,
if anyone is interested.

835
01:01:25,690 --> 01:01:27,726
It ain't possible, I say.

836
01:01:27,890 --> 01:01:32,327
Eight people in a dining room
can't turn into an empty room unless...

837
01:01:32,490 --> 01:01:35,562
- Unless what, Sam?
- Unless it never happened.

838
01:01:35,730 --> 01:01:37,482
I see your point, Diamond.

839
01:01:37,650 --> 01:01:40,881
When is a room with people
not a room with people?

840
01:01:41,050 --> 01:01:43,689
- When it is two dining rooms.
- Exactly!

841
01:01:43,850 --> 01:01:45,203
Two dining rooms?

842
01:01:45,370 --> 01:01:49,204
Two dining rooms, two everything.
Twain electronic genius.

843
01:01:49,370 --> 01:01:51,804
He's devised
a way to move the room...

844
01:01:51,970 --> 01:01:54,484
...silently, in the flash of an eye...

845
01:01:54,650 --> 01:01:57,369
...to be replaced by
an exact duplicate.

846
01:01:57,530 --> 01:01:59,760
- I knew it all the time.
- Please.

847
01:01:59,930 --> 01:02:02,490
I'll demonstrate.
I'll walk out the door...

848
01:02:02,650 --> 01:02:07,519
...close it, knock three times, enter,
and you will all be gone. Observe.

849
01:02:13,410 --> 01:02:16,880
I have it figured out.
There are two of everything.

850
01:02:17,050 --> 01:02:19,120
Dickie, that's old news.

851
01:02:19,290 --> 01:02:21,281
Everybody take their seats.

852
01:02:21,450 --> 01:02:24,920
- I'm scared, Sam. Hold me.
- Hold yourself. I'm busy.

853
01:02:25,090 --> 01:02:27,240
Take the same seats
from before.

854
01:02:27,410 --> 01:02:30,720
Forty seconds!
I'm very worried about Mr. Perrier.

855
01:02:30,890 --> 01:02:32,118
I'll look for him.

856
01:02:32,290 --> 01:02:34,758
No. Sit, please.
No one to leave room.

857
01:02:36,210 --> 01:02:38,087
The other door.

858
01:02:41,530 --> 01:02:43,566
It's locked. I can't open it.

859
01:02:43,730 --> 01:02:45,925
Hurry, man!
We have 15 seconds!

860
01:02:46,090 --> 01:02:48,160
Move your hand, chauffeur.

861
01:02:52,410 --> 01:02:53,525
Don't ask.

862
01:02:53,770 --> 01:02:58,321
- Why are you wearing the butler's outfit?
- I said don't ask! I don't know.

863
01:02:58,490 --> 01:03:00,526
It all happened too quickly.

864
01:03:01,410 --> 01:03:05,039
The cook.
Where's the cook?

865
01:03:05,210 --> 01:03:07,087
- She's gone.
- Never spoke.

866
01:03:07,250 --> 01:03:11,084
Ten more seconds.
Quickly, sit and join hands.

867
01:03:13,090 --> 01:03:16,480
Impossible for murder
to happen without witnesses.

868
01:03:17,130 --> 01:03:20,520
Three... two... one!

869
01:03:49,410 --> 01:03:50,410
It's over.

870
01:03:50,570 --> 01:03:52,845
We're safe and sound.

871
01:03:56,610 --> 01:03:59,044
That's probably the cook.
Come in.

872
01:03:59,210 --> 01:04:00,689
The poor woman's deaf.

873
01:04:00,850 --> 01:04:03,648
I'm sorry. I forgot.
Come in!

874
01:04:04,650 --> 01:04:07,289
Not sound like cook to me.

875
01:04:21,810 --> 01:04:24,040
Mr. Twain.

876
01:04:24,210 --> 01:04:26,519
You appear to be wrong.

877
01:04:26,690 --> 01:04:29,966
Nobody here murdered.
Please to come in.

878
01:04:36,050 --> 01:04:37,050
Is he dead?

879
01:04:37,210 --> 01:04:40,202
With that in him,
in the long run he's better off.

880
01:04:40,370 --> 01:04:42,201
- Touch nothing!
- Stop that.

881
01:04:42,370 --> 01:04:44,486
We're experienced
criminologists.

882
01:04:44,650 --> 01:04:48,438
I find it insulting and redundant
to say "touch nothing."

883
01:04:48,610 --> 01:04:50,805
- Quiet, woman.
- Up yours, fella.

884
01:04:50,970 --> 01:04:55,361
Most amusing. Bickering detectives
like making giant lamb stew:

885
01:04:55,530 --> 01:04:58,442
- Everything go to pot.
- Be quiet!

886
01:05:01,410 --> 01:05:03,719
Shut up, all of youse!
Nobody move!

887
01:05:03,890 --> 01:05:06,040
- Stay where you are!
- What is it?

888
01:05:06,210 --> 01:05:10,123
I have to go to the can again.
I don't wanna miss nothing.

889
01:05:10,290 --> 01:05:12,087
I'm going too, Sam.

890
01:05:13,930 --> 01:05:17,889
I'd rather do this alone, Tess.
Thanks anyway.

891
01:05:20,490 --> 01:05:22,401
The cook.

892
01:05:22,570 --> 01:05:24,083
What, darling?

893
01:05:24,250 --> 01:05:26,559
It's obvious.
The cook murdered him.

894
01:05:26,730 --> 01:05:29,767
The butler's dead.
All of us were in this room.

895
01:05:29,930 --> 01:05:33,240
No one could get in.
That leaves the cook. Right?

896
01:05:33,410 --> 01:05:34,559
Wrong.

897
01:05:34,730 --> 01:05:37,119
What makes you certain of this?

898
01:05:37,290 --> 01:05:41,522
To drive a knife that far up a man's
back, you need a strong arm.

899
01:05:41,690 --> 01:05:44,409
And this arm don't look
that strong to me.

900
01:05:44,570 --> 01:05:48,802
- Is that her arm?
- It ain't the pussycat's tail.

901
01:05:48,970 --> 01:05:51,530
Don't be alarmed, miss.
It ain't real.

902
01:05:51,690 --> 01:05:54,648
For that matter,
neither is the cook.

903
01:05:55,810 --> 01:05:59,041
I found this
before I got to the can.

904
01:06:00,770 --> 01:06:03,568
Got a little surprise
for you folks.

905
01:06:07,530 --> 01:06:09,122
- Look!
- A mannequin!

906
01:06:10,170 --> 01:06:13,082
A dummy,
perfect in every detail...

907
01:06:13,250 --> 01:06:17,004
...with the exception of not being
able to make her speak.

908
01:06:17,170 --> 01:06:20,162
Hats off to the man
with the shiv in his back.

909
01:06:20,330 --> 01:06:22,480
Except that he's dead,
he's no dope.

910
01:06:22,650 --> 01:06:23,969
Nice going, Sam.

911
01:06:24,130 --> 01:06:28,089
I hope you realize that
someone in this room is a murderer.

912
01:06:28,250 --> 01:06:30,161
For sake of ladies present...

913
01:06:30,330 --> 01:06:32,890
...may we return to drawing room?

914
01:06:33,050 --> 01:06:35,200
My son will cover up Mr. Twain.

915
01:06:35,370 --> 01:06:38,806
- Why do I do the work?
- Your mother not here to do it.

916
01:06:38,970 --> 01:06:40,528
Come, please.

917
01:06:55,170 --> 01:06:56,683
Excuse me.

918
01:07:03,410 --> 01:07:08,040
I'm getting a headache. Isn't there
a way to turn off that machine?

919
01:07:08,210 --> 01:07:11,361
Maybe some gadget
outside the window.

920
01:07:16,210 --> 01:07:18,041
It's raining this time.

921
01:07:18,210 --> 01:07:20,849
Let's get to business
and sort the facts.

922
01:07:21,010 --> 01:07:23,285
It is now 12:30 Sunday morning.

923
01:07:23,450 --> 01:07:26,044
The doors and windows
will open at dawn.

924
01:07:26,210 --> 01:07:28,849
One of us will be
a million dollars richer...

925
01:07:29,010 --> 01:07:31,968
...and one will go
to the gas chamber to hang.

926
01:07:32,130 --> 01:07:36,408
One, Monsieur Perrier? Why not two?
We all have associates.

927
01:07:36,570 --> 01:07:39,767
Why not six or eight?
I don't trust any of youse.

928
01:07:39,930 --> 01:07:44,446
Maybe I'm a patsy set up for a fall,
but I'm not falling for youse.

929
01:07:44,610 --> 01:07:45,679
Not even me?

930
01:07:45,850 --> 01:07:50,002
Why don't you fall in love with
the Jap kid and get off my back?

931
01:07:50,170 --> 01:07:52,445
Can we get back to case, please?

932
01:07:52,610 --> 01:07:55,807
Time is late and my eyes
are getting tired.

933
01:07:55,970 --> 01:07:59,167
- Thought they always looked like that.
- Knock it off!

934
01:07:59,330 --> 01:08:03,448
Sorry. This case is getting
on my nerves. I'm sorry, slanty.

935
01:08:03,610 --> 01:08:06,807
Thank you. Now then, facts,
please, facts.

936
01:08:06,970 --> 01:08:11,760
Mr. Twain predicts murder. Predicts
victim to be at table, correct?

937
01:08:11,930 --> 01:08:13,329
Correct.

938
01:08:13,490 --> 01:08:15,606
This is official.
Correct.

939
01:08:15,770 --> 01:08:20,241
Predicts murder to take place at
midnight and number of stab wounds.

940
01:08:20,410 --> 01:08:23,766
How, if he not in collaboration
with murderer?

941
01:08:23,930 --> 01:08:27,206
- What if Twain did it himself?
- Murdered himself?

942
01:08:27,370 --> 01:08:30,646
For what possible reason?
And how?

943
01:08:30,810 --> 01:08:33,244
The motive is simple: Ego.

944
01:08:33,410 --> 01:08:37,642
If we weren't to solve this,
he'd be the world's best detective.

945
01:08:37,810 --> 01:08:42,167
With an ego like his, that he died
for it is a small price to pay.

946
01:08:42,330 --> 01:08:46,243
Any man who can create
this chamber of electronic marvels...

947
01:08:46,410 --> 01:08:51,006
...would be able to devise a machine
to stab him in the back 12 times.

948
01:08:51,170 --> 01:08:53,559
That was wonderful.
I'm so proud.

949
01:08:53,730 --> 01:08:56,244
- Let's go to bed, quickly.
- One moment.

950
01:08:56,410 --> 01:08:59,004
Very interesting theory...

951
01:08:59,170 --> 01:09:02,640
...but you overlook
one very important point.

952
01:09:02,810 --> 01:09:05,199
- And that is?
- It's stupid.

953
01:09:05,370 --> 01:09:08,726
It's most stupid theory
I ever heard!

954
01:09:08,890 --> 01:09:12,360
- Do you have a better one?
- Yeah, much better one.

955
01:09:12,530 --> 01:09:15,442
You see, I have been
doing my homework.

956
01:09:15,610 --> 01:09:17,919
For example,
I have information...

957
01:09:18,090 --> 01:09:20,888
...that your wife's
portfolio of stocks...

958
01:09:21,050 --> 01:09:24,167
...was seriously depleted
in financial crisis.

959
01:09:24,330 --> 01:09:29,085
In short, you are flat broke.
You've been borrowing for two years...

960
01:09:29,250 --> 01:09:32,003
...at 17% interest
from Mr. Lionel Twain.

961
01:09:32,170 --> 01:09:33,808
Broke? Is this true?

962
01:09:33,970 --> 01:09:36,723
I was saving it for your birthday.

963
01:09:36,890 --> 01:09:39,165
One million dollars would buy...

964
01:09:39,330 --> 01:09:42,481
...great many tight suits,
would it not?

965
01:09:42,650 --> 01:09:44,880
- See here, Wang...
- Dead broke?

966
01:09:45,050 --> 01:09:48,167
Almost, darling.
I have $1.17 and some stamps.

967
01:09:48,330 --> 01:09:51,527
But I didn't murder Twain.
You do believe that?

968
01:09:51,690 --> 01:09:56,047
- We'll talk. We'll see.
- It could have been any one of you.

969
01:09:56,210 --> 01:09:59,407
Each one of us was out
of that room at one time...

970
01:09:59,570 --> 01:10:02,642
...giving ample opportunity
to commit the crime.

971
01:10:02,810 --> 01:10:06,166
As for motives,
there's more than ego and cash.

972
01:10:06,330 --> 01:10:07,922
For example, revenge.

973
01:10:08,090 --> 01:10:10,001
Meaning what, Mr. Charleston?

974
01:10:10,170 --> 01:10:14,243
I'm not the only one who's had
a past experience with Twain.

975
01:10:14,410 --> 01:10:17,208
He was quite a ladies' man in his day.

976
01:10:17,370 --> 01:10:19,440
Are you suggesting
someone here...

977
01:10:19,610 --> 01:10:21,919
Was once in love
with Lionel Twain.

978
01:10:22,090 --> 01:10:24,399
He was engaged to and jilted...

979
01:10:24,570 --> 01:10:26,606
...Miss Jessica Marbles.

980
01:10:29,810 --> 01:10:31,926
Jesus H. Christ!

981
01:10:32,090 --> 01:10:34,320
Jilted 54 years ago at the altar.

982
01:10:34,490 --> 01:10:37,163
Left her there
in that same tweed outfit.

983
01:10:38,170 --> 01:10:40,889
- Is this true, Jessie?
- I was not jilted.

984
01:10:41,050 --> 01:10:42,483
I walked out on him.

985
01:10:42,650 --> 01:10:45,528
He wanted to fool around
before the wedding.

986
01:10:45,690 --> 01:10:48,568
And being the lady you are,
you refused.

987
01:10:48,730 --> 01:10:54,009
Not completely. But it got out of hand.
He was horrid, but I didn't kill him.

988
01:10:54,170 --> 01:10:57,003
That's good enough for me.
What about you?

989
01:10:57,170 --> 01:11:00,367
I'm not a Frenchy!
I'm a Belgy!

990
01:11:01,330 --> 01:11:05,039
And as for other motives,
how about patricide?

991
01:11:05,210 --> 01:11:07,770
The killing of one's own parent?

992
01:11:07,930 --> 01:11:12,242
You mean that Lionel Twain was
the father of someone in this room?

993
01:11:12,410 --> 01:11:13,763
He wasn't my father.

994
01:11:15,810 --> 01:11:18,005
He was my uncle.

995
01:11:18,410 --> 01:11:20,082
He was very good to me.

996
01:11:20,250 --> 01:11:23,447
He would take me to the circus
and give me candy.

997
01:11:23,610 --> 01:11:27,569
We stopped going
when I was about 26.

998
01:11:29,530 --> 01:11:30,849
I'm sorry, Sam.

999
01:11:31,010 --> 01:11:33,843
Twenty-six?
What kind of a circus was it?

1000
01:11:34,010 --> 01:11:38,128
Forgive me, but I was talking about
patricide, not uncle-cide.

1001
01:11:38,290 --> 01:11:40,724
Twain may have been your uncle...

1002
01:11:40,890 --> 01:11:43,768
...but he was the
illegitimate father of...

1003
01:11:43,930 --> 01:11:46,398
...Monsieur Sidney Wang!

1004
01:11:48,490 --> 01:11:50,401
It not true.

1005
01:11:50,570 --> 01:11:53,607
I was adopted.
I have my papers.

1006
01:11:53,770 --> 01:11:56,967
That is why I have adopted
all my children.

1007
01:11:57,130 --> 01:11:58,802
I was wondering.

1008
01:12:00,090 --> 01:12:02,206
He loved me very much...

1009
01:12:02,370 --> 01:12:04,884
...but he was not very observant.

1010
01:12:05,050 --> 01:12:09,999
One day when I was 19,
he called me to his study...

1011
01:12:10,170 --> 01:12:14,163
...noticed for first time I was
Oriental, and kicked me out.

1012
01:12:14,330 --> 01:12:16,560
- I could have...
- Killed him, Wang?

1013
01:12:16,730 --> 01:12:19,039
As easily as you,
Monsieur Perrier.

1014
01:12:19,210 --> 01:12:22,805
Lionel Twain killed
the only thing you ever loved:

1015
01:12:22,970 --> 01:12:26,246
Marie-Louise Cartier.

1016
01:12:38,290 --> 01:12:40,565
Your sweetheart?

1017
01:12:42,810 --> 01:12:44,801
My poodle.

1018
01:12:45,890 --> 01:12:49,041
He was a most cruel man.

1019
01:12:49,210 --> 01:12:53,203
Monsieur would come to France
every season...

1020
01:12:54,450 --> 01:12:56,406
...to hunt poodles.

1021
01:12:57,450 --> 01:12:59,042
The day they brought...

1022
01:12:59,210 --> 01:13:02,407
...her bloodied collar to me,
I vowed I would...

1023
01:13:02,570 --> 01:13:06,609
- Knock him off?
- Yes, gladly, if I had the chance.

1024
01:13:07,050 --> 01:13:08,688
But I did not.

1025
01:13:08,850 --> 01:13:10,806
Someone here beat me to it.

1026
01:13:10,970 --> 01:13:14,485
There's more than one reason
that we was invited here.

1027
01:13:14,650 --> 01:13:18,006
Not only was Twain testing
us as detectives...

1028
01:13:18,170 --> 01:13:21,003
...but we all have motives
for doing him in.

1029
01:13:21,170 --> 01:13:24,128
Have not yet heard
your motive, Mr. Diamond.

1030
01:13:24,290 --> 01:13:26,758
My motive is unimportant.

1031
01:13:26,930 --> 01:13:29,922
Let's say that I hated him enough
to kill him.

1032
01:13:30,090 --> 01:13:34,959
You are closed man, Mr. Diamond.
You hide many things.

1033
01:13:35,130 --> 01:13:39,123
Could it be that Mr. Twain
discover your secret?

1034
01:13:39,290 --> 01:13:41,963
I don't know what
you're talking about.

1035
01:13:42,130 --> 01:13:45,839
We know different,
do we not, Miss Skeffington?

1036
01:13:48,810 --> 01:13:51,278
Twain picked up Sam in a gay bar.

1037
01:13:51,450 --> 01:13:54,487
I was working on a case. Working.

1038
01:13:54,650 --> 01:13:56,606
Every night for six months?

1039
01:13:56,770 --> 01:14:00,479
I got 50 bucks a day and expenses.
I hate them queeries.

1040
01:14:01,450 --> 01:14:03,122
Twain...

1041
01:14:03,290 --> 01:14:06,043
...had Polaroid pictures
of Sam in drag.

1042
01:14:06,210 --> 01:14:09,998
I was in disguise.
Lots of dames go in those joints.

1043
01:14:10,170 --> 01:14:11,888
I never kissed nobody.

1044
01:14:12,050 --> 01:14:15,326
I never did nothing to a man
that I wouldn't do to a woman.

1045
01:14:15,490 --> 01:14:18,129
And I didn't kill Twain.

1046
01:14:20,050 --> 01:14:21,847
Bitch.

1047
01:14:22,010 --> 01:14:23,921
Most interesting.

1048
01:14:24,090 --> 01:14:28,003
All had perfect motives
for killing Twain.

1049
01:14:28,170 --> 01:14:31,207
Wonder which one
was one who done it.

1050
01:14:32,170 --> 01:14:34,684
We still have
the night to get through.

1051
01:14:34,850 --> 01:14:39,207
If anyone's going to solve this,
I say we get a good night's sleep.

1052
01:14:39,370 --> 01:14:41,838
And I suggest
we all lock our doors.

1053
01:14:42,010 --> 01:14:44,160
One of us is a mad killer...

1054
01:14:44,330 --> 01:14:47,128
...and not to be trusted.

1055
01:15:29,890 --> 01:15:32,279
Who do you think is the murderer?

1056
01:15:32,450 --> 01:15:33,963
Must sleep on it.

1057
01:15:34,130 --> 01:15:37,520
Will know in morning when wake up.

1058
01:15:37,690 --> 01:15:39,760
What if you don't wake up?

1059
01:15:39,930 --> 01:15:42,000
Then you did it.

1060
01:15:42,170 --> 01:15:44,001
Go sleep, please.

1061
01:15:45,370 --> 01:15:50,080
- Good night, Dad.
- Should have adopted pussycat.

1062
01:15:57,170 --> 01:15:59,764
Should I turn off the steam, Pop?

1063
01:16:01,330 --> 01:16:03,366
Not steam.

1064
01:16:03,530 --> 01:16:07,159
Someone just put
deadly snake in room.

1065
01:16:07,330 --> 01:16:10,288
Wake me when it come near bed.

1066
01:16:13,170 --> 01:16:16,719
I want you to know, Dickie,
if you're the murderer...

1067
01:16:16,890 --> 01:16:18,482
...I’ll still love you.

1068
01:16:18,650 --> 01:16:22,563
It wouldn't be right for us
to make love, but I'd love you.

1069
01:16:22,730 --> 01:16:26,200
No fear of that, pet.
Let's see what we have here.

1070
01:16:26,370 --> 01:16:29,885
We have one missing, dead,
naked butler...

1071
01:16:30,050 --> 01:16:32,723
...one host with
a knife in his back...

1072
01:16:32,890 --> 01:16:35,688
...and one scorpion
crawling up our sheets.

1073
01:16:35,850 --> 01:16:38,922
- Is that what that is?
- They can kill instantly.

1074
01:16:39,090 --> 01:16:41,320
I suggest we don't move.

1075
01:16:42,170 --> 01:16:43,489
For how long?

1076
01:16:43,650 --> 01:16:46,687
Quite possibly
for the rest of our lives.

1077
01:16:50,370 --> 01:16:53,680
Good heavens!
I know who the murderer is.

1078
01:16:53,850 --> 01:16:55,169
Solvey-poo?

1079
01:16:55,330 --> 01:16:59,118
Yes, Miss Withers.
The murderer is...

1080
01:16:59,290 --> 01:17:00,564
Good God! Gas!

1081
01:17:00,730 --> 01:17:03,198
I'm sorry. I can't help it.
I'm old.

1082
01:17:03,370 --> 01:17:07,443
No, no. The other kind of gas.
The kind that kills.

1083
01:17:07,610 --> 01:17:12,001
- Sometimes my gas...
- It's seeping in through the vent!

1084
01:17:21,090 --> 01:17:23,046
It's locked from the outside.

1085
01:17:24,050 --> 01:17:25,199
Help!

1086
01:17:25,370 --> 01:17:28,521
Doesn't smell that bad to me.

1087
01:17:29,330 --> 01:17:30,445
Help!

1088
01:17:43,050 --> 01:17:46,486
Did I do right, Sam,
telling them about the gay bar?

1089
01:17:46,650 --> 01:17:52,043
Perfect. They took the bait like a dumb
halibut. Let them think I'm a pansy.

1090
01:17:52,210 --> 01:17:56,442
While they're suspecting me,
one of them will let his pants down.

1091
01:17:57,650 --> 01:18:02,201
Why do you keep all those naked
muscle men magazines in your office?

1092
01:18:02,370 --> 01:18:05,362
Suspects.
Always looking for suspects.

1093
01:18:06,690 --> 01:18:09,363
What's that ticking sound I hear?

1094
01:18:16,290 --> 01:18:20,920
"That ticking sound is a bomb
that will go off in 30 seconds.

1095
01:18:21,090 --> 01:18:23,206
- Signed, the murderer."
- The door!

1096
01:18:23,370 --> 01:18:25,486
"P.S. The door is locked."

1097
01:18:32,410 --> 01:18:34,970
I'm sorry about this, Tess.

1098
01:18:35,130 --> 01:18:39,601
- Me owing you all that money too.
- That's all right. What will we do?

1099
01:18:39,770 --> 01:18:41,328
I got an idea.

1100
01:18:41,490 --> 01:18:44,562
I don't know if this will work.
Turn around!

1101
01:18:44,730 --> 01:18:47,767
- I'm turned.
- Whatever you do, don't turn back.

1102
01:18:47,930 --> 01:18:49,682
- If anything...
- Do as I say.

1103
01:18:49,850 --> 01:18:55,049
- I will, Sam.
- Good. Because I think I'm gonna cry.

1104
01:19:08,730 --> 01:19:12,564
- What are you doing in my bed?
- There's no place to sleep.

1105
01:19:12,730 --> 01:19:14,800
Sleep in the car,
you chauffeur.

1106
01:19:14,970 --> 01:19:17,962
Unfair. I will tell everyone
you wear a toupee.

1107
01:19:18,130 --> 01:19:20,724
- They already know.
- Why do you wear it?

1108
01:19:20,890 --> 01:19:22,642
I didn't know you knew.

1109
01:19:22,810 --> 01:19:27,167
Certainly I know.
It's a terrible toupee.

1110
01:19:29,290 --> 01:19:31,440
A bomb. Across the hall.

1111
01:19:31,610 --> 01:19:33,646
Quickly, the door!

1112
01:19:39,530 --> 01:19:41,521
It's locked from the outside.

1113
01:19:41,690 --> 01:19:45,444
You look taller to me.
Why is that?

1114
01:19:45,610 --> 01:19:47,965
Monsieur, I'm not getting taller.

1115
01:19:48,130 --> 01:19:51,600
If you aren't getting taller,
there's one alternative.

1116
01:19:51,770 --> 01:19:54,125
The room is getting shorter!

1117
01:19:55,330 --> 01:19:57,924
The ceiling is coming down!

1118
01:20:08,570 --> 01:20:11,038
- What'll we do?
- I don't know!

1119
01:20:11,210 --> 01:20:15,249
But this is exactly how
they make goose liver pâté.

1120
01:20:45,810 --> 01:20:47,926
Not so fast, please.

1121
01:20:48,090 --> 01:20:50,479
Do not cross out Wang name.

1122
01:20:50,650 --> 01:20:53,687
Cross out "snake" instead.

1123
01:20:53,850 --> 01:20:58,321
Nice shot, Pop. Sure wish you
weren't such a heavy sleeper.

1124
01:20:58,490 --> 01:21:00,401
And now...

1125
01:21:00,570 --> 01:21:03,289
...if you please.

1126
01:21:03,450 --> 01:21:05,406
One million dollars...

1127
01:21:05,570 --> 01:21:07,925
...Mr. Bensonmum.

1128
01:21:08,090 --> 01:21:09,887
Banzai, Pop!

1129
01:21:10,970 --> 01:21:13,040
Very clever of you, Mr. Wang.

1130
01:21:13,210 --> 01:21:17,408
Oh, yes.
As you can see, I can see.

1131
01:21:17,570 --> 01:21:19,606
So I see.

1132
01:21:19,770 --> 01:21:24,002
Tell me, as the only survivor,
how did you deduce it was me?

1133
01:21:24,170 --> 01:21:29,039
Went back to theory
seldom used today:

1134
01:21:29,490 --> 01:21:30,843
Butler did it.

1135
01:21:32,130 --> 01:21:34,166
I hadn't thought of that.

1136
01:21:34,330 --> 01:21:37,128
How do you account for
my dead body?

1137
01:21:38,130 --> 01:21:42,009
Body made of plastic,
same as plastic cook.

1138
01:21:42,170 --> 01:21:45,242
While we examine plastic butler...

1139
01:21:45,410 --> 01:21:47,480
...you murder Lionel Twain.

1140
01:21:48,290 --> 01:21:51,123
You're a clever little
laundry man, Mr. Wang.

1141
01:21:51,290 --> 01:21:53,599
But not quite clever enough!

1142
01:21:53,770 --> 01:21:58,207
I'll take that one million dollars,
Bensonmum...

1143
01:21:58,370 --> 01:22:00,281
...alias Irving Goldman.

1144
01:22:01,970 --> 01:22:04,120
Irving Goldman?

1145
01:22:04,290 --> 01:22:05,405
Yes.

1146
01:22:05,570 --> 01:22:09,358
Irving Goldman was the attorney
of the late Lionel Twain.

1147
01:22:09,530 --> 01:22:11,680
Lionel Twain died five years ago.

1148
01:22:11,850 --> 01:22:15,684
His body was discovered
in Goldman's filing cabinet.

1149
01:22:15,850 --> 01:22:18,842
Am I correct, Mr. Goldman?

1150
01:22:19,010 --> 01:22:22,047
Yeah. Correct, Miss Marbles.

1151
01:22:22,210 --> 01:22:24,883
But how did you escape
the poison gas?

1152
01:22:25,050 --> 01:22:27,280
Quite simple.
I covered my mouth...

1153
01:22:27,450 --> 01:22:31,045
...and let Miss Withers here
breathe in all the gas.

1154
01:22:31,290 --> 01:22:34,282
- Sicky-poo.
- Yes, dear, I know.

1155
01:22:34,450 --> 01:22:37,840
- The million dollars, please.
- I wouldn't, Goldman.

1156
01:22:38,010 --> 01:22:39,762
Or is it Goldman?

1157
01:22:39,930 --> 01:22:42,569
Actually, it's Mr. Marvin Metzner.

1158
01:22:44,250 --> 01:22:45,888
Marvin Metzner?

1159
01:22:47,090 --> 01:22:50,207
Very good, Mr. Charleston.

1160
01:22:50,370 --> 01:22:52,406
But how did you know?

1161
01:22:52,570 --> 01:22:57,405
The bill in the dead butler's hand
stating the weekend had been catered.

1162
01:22:57,570 --> 01:23:01,961
- Only an accountant would keep that.
- Get the money and let's go.

1163
01:23:02,130 --> 01:23:04,690
Goldman died
last month while skiing.

1164
01:23:04,850 --> 01:23:07,762
He jumped 200 feet
into a low-flying plane.

1165
01:23:07,930 --> 01:23:09,568
I can't wait much longer.

1166
01:23:09,730 --> 01:23:13,166
You've not lost your touch,
Mr. Charleston.

1167
01:23:13,330 --> 01:23:16,242
But how did you elude
the deadly scorpion?

1168
01:23:16,410 --> 01:23:18,002
We didn't.
He stung Dora.

1169
01:23:18,170 --> 01:23:21,480
- We have 15 minutes to reach a doctor.
- Explain later.

1170
01:23:21,650 --> 01:23:24,483
We'll make it. Never fear.
The prize money.

1171
01:23:24,650 --> 01:23:26,800
Belongs to me, monsieur.

1172
01:23:26,970 --> 01:23:30,280
Marcel, being one of
the world's strongest men...

1173
01:23:30,450 --> 01:23:34,887
...stopped your ceiling from crushing
us at four feet, five inches.

1174
01:23:35,050 --> 01:23:38,725
It may be months before
we're able to straighten again...

1175
01:23:38,890 --> 01:23:43,281
...but a million dollars
will buy a lot of back braces.

1176
01:23:43,450 --> 01:23:47,443
Eh, Miss Irene Twain?

1177
01:23:47,610 --> 01:23:49,441
Daughter of Lionel!

1178
01:23:49,610 --> 01:23:51,362
What?

1179
01:23:52,450 --> 01:23:55,647
I prefer to be called Rita.

1180
01:23:57,690 --> 01:23:59,169
But how did you know?

1181
01:23:59,330 --> 01:24:03,323
Never underestimate
a Frenchman's nostrils, Miss Twain.

1182
01:24:03,490 --> 01:24:05,287
At dinner tonight...

1183
01:24:05,450 --> 01:24:08,010
...I smelled your Chanel No. 5.

1184
01:24:08,170 --> 01:24:10,365
You did away with all of them:

1185
01:24:10,530 --> 01:24:14,000
Metzner, Goldman
and your father.

1186
01:24:14,170 --> 01:24:15,808
If you had your way...

1187
01:24:15,970 --> 01:24:19,645
...you'd do away with all men,
would you not, Miss Twain?

1188
01:24:19,810 --> 01:24:22,563
Men who have made you suffer...

1189
01:24:22,730 --> 01:24:25,369
...because you were
born with brains...

1190
01:24:25,530 --> 01:24:30,046
...talent, money, everything
but that which you most desired:

1191
01:24:30,210 --> 01:24:32,007
Beauty.

1192
01:24:32,170 --> 01:24:34,445
It is a statement of fact...

1193
01:24:34,610 --> 01:24:37,966
...that as a man you are passable,
but as a woman...

1194
01:24:38,130 --> 01:24:40,280
...you are a dog.

1195
01:24:40,450 --> 01:24:44,523
That's your opinion, big boy.

1196
01:24:45,650 --> 01:24:47,447
And now my money, please.

1197
01:24:47,610 --> 01:24:51,922
With luck, I can still
make dinner at Maxim's.

1198
01:24:52,090 --> 01:24:54,365
I'd just order
a tuna sandwich...

1199
01:24:54,530 --> 01:24:56,600
...because that dough is mine.

1200
01:24:56,770 --> 01:24:58,362
That's right, I'm alive.

1201
01:24:58,530 --> 01:25:01,840
Miss Skeffington
dropped your bomb down the john.

1202
01:25:02,010 --> 01:25:06,481
It blew up as she flushed.
The seat missed her head by an inch.

1203
01:25:07,170 --> 01:25:09,365
I'm all right, J.J.

1204
01:25:09,530 --> 01:25:11,088
J. J?

1205
01:25:14,050 --> 01:25:17,486
That's right, folks.
He outsmarted us all.

1206
01:25:17,810 --> 01:25:21,007
Sitting behind that desk
is the real Sam Diamond.

1207
01:25:22,010 --> 01:25:23,329
My name is Loomis.

1208
01:25:23,490 --> 01:25:26,926
J.J. Loomis. I'm an actor.
I do impressions.

1209
01:25:27,090 --> 01:25:30,480
I did the Carson show
six times last year.

1210
01:25:30,650 --> 01:25:32,880
Diamond hired me for the weekend.

1211
01:25:33,050 --> 01:25:35,120
Miss Skeffington
is Vilma Norman.

1212
01:25:35,290 --> 01:25:39,329
She's a cocktail waitress
at the Water Bed Motel in Carmel.

1213
01:25:41,210 --> 01:25:42,848
Diamond hated all of you.

1214
01:25:43,010 --> 01:25:47,367
You're getting big money, and he
had that office in San Francisco.

1215
01:25:47,530 --> 01:25:50,488
If he proved he was number one,
he'd get your clients.

1216
01:25:50,650 --> 01:25:53,642
But since I put
all the pieces together...

1217
01:25:55,010 --> 01:25:58,559
...I figure that money belongs to me.

1218
01:25:59,650 --> 01:26:01,641
Isn't that right, Mr. Diamond?

1219
01:26:04,290 --> 01:26:05,643
Wrong.

1220
01:26:06,290 --> 01:26:09,839
That would've been so obvious,
a child could have guessed.

1221
01:26:10,010 --> 01:26:12,843
No, colleagues.
What you seem to overlook...

1222
01:26:13,010 --> 01:26:15,763
...is the most simple
and direct solution.

1223
01:26:15,930 --> 01:26:19,400
That I am indeed Lionel Twain.

1224
01:26:22,610 --> 01:26:27,001
You've all been so clever
for so long...

1225
01:26:27,170 --> 01:26:29,400
...you've forgotten to be humble.

1226
01:26:29,570 --> 01:26:32,767
You've tricked and fooled
your readers for years.

1227
01:26:32,930 --> 01:26:36,605
You've tortured us with
surprise endings that made no sense.

1228
01:26:36,770 --> 01:26:42,163
You've introduced characters at the
end that weren't in the book before!

1229
01:26:42,330 --> 01:26:45,527
You've withheld
clues and information...

1230
01:26:45,690 --> 01:26:49,205
...that made it impossible for us
to guess who did it.

1231
01:26:49,370 --> 01:26:52,726
But now the tables are turned.

1232
01:26:53,810 --> 01:26:56,802
Millions of angry mystery readers...

1233
01:26:56,970 --> 01:26:59,928
...are now getting their revenge.

1234
01:27:00,090 --> 01:27:03,480
When the world learns
I've outsmarted you...

1235
01:27:03,650 --> 01:27:07,768
...they'll be selling your $1.95 books
for 12 cents.

1236
01:27:07,930 --> 01:27:10,649
It's checkout time,
ladies and gentlemen.

1237
01:27:10,810 --> 01:27:13,529
I have your bills ready.

1238
01:27:14,650 --> 01:27:16,925
Credit cards will be accepted.

1239
01:27:36,770 --> 01:27:41,127
- Even the scorpion was a fake?
- Everything. The bridge, the maid.

1240
01:27:41,290 --> 01:27:44,919
- But you're sure about the scorpion?
- Positive.

1241
01:27:45,090 --> 01:27:48,719
Even the fog. He made that with
a dry ice machine. See.

1242
01:27:48,890 --> 01:27:50,687
How awfully unromantic.

1243
01:27:56,876 --> 01:27:59,283
Then if he really
was Lionel Twain...

1244
01:27:59,450 --> 01:28:03,762
...you must really be Sam Diamond.
- That's right, baby.

1245
01:28:03,930 --> 01:28:06,763
I was in disguise,
in disguise, in disguise.

1246
01:28:06,930 --> 01:28:09,763
You work hard for
50 bucks in this racket.

1247
01:28:09,930 --> 01:28:13,206
I guess that means we won't
see each other again.

1248
01:28:13,306 --> 01:28:16,849
Well, that depends.
I'll be around if you need me.

1249
01:28:17,420 --> 01:28:20,332
All you gotta do is whistle.

1250
01:28:20,740 --> 01:28:25,052
- You know how to whistle, don't you?
- Certainly. What do you mean?

1251
01:28:25,220 --> 01:28:28,132
Never mind. Forget it.
You ruined it.

1252
01:28:31,889 --> 01:28:34,915
I don't understand.
Was there a murder or wasn't there?

1253
01:28:35,080 --> 01:28:37,275
Yes. Killed good weekend.

1254
01:28:37,440 --> 01:28:39,237
Drive, please.

1255
01:30:44,840 --> 01:30:46,558
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