1
00:02:25,876 --> 00:02:27,036
Right, Orridge,
2
00:02:27,084 --> 00:02:29,626
Popple, Patel.
3
00:02:30,334 --> 00:02:31,667
9:20.
4
00:02:37,667 --> 00:02:40,251
"...Cannot but feel deeply humbled.
5
00:02:41,167 --> 00:02:43,542
Five years ago, if I may be
personal for a moment,
6
00:02:43,626 --> 00:02:46,001
a rather overawed headmaster
7
00:02:46,084 --> 00:02:49,626
of a rather obscure
maintained comprehensive school..."
8
00:02:52,667 --> 00:02:53,709
Stimpson.
9
00:02:53,792 --> 00:02:57,959
Cardington here. Can you make
3:30 Monday or 4:30 Tuesday?
10
00:02:59,001 --> 00:03:01,917
No, 10:35 on Thursday
11
00:03:02,001 --> 00:03:03,834
or 12:10 Friday.
12
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,376
Ah, can't do I'm afraid.
13
00:03:08,792 --> 00:03:12,667
Or we could say 11:10 Friday week.
14
00:03:12,751 --> 00:03:15,001
That's fine for me. Is that okay for you?
15
00:03:15,626 --> 00:03:17,334
Don't run!
16
00:03:17,417 --> 00:03:19,001
Sharon Seeds...
17
00:03:19,084 --> 00:03:20,084
9:20.
18
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:27,042
"Arrived at the annual meeting
for the first time,
19
00:03:27,126 --> 00:03:29,417
amazed to find himself invited
20
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:33,834
to become one of your very select
handful of additional members."
21
00:03:33,917 --> 00:03:35,501
Come in!
22
00:03:35,584 --> 00:03:39,667
"He listened to the headmasters of schools
with great and glorious names...
23
00:03:39,751 --> 00:03:42,709
Come in!
"Great and glorious names..."
24
00:03:42,792 --> 00:03:43,708
Headmaster...
25
00:03:43,709 --> 00:03:46,667
"Eton and Harrow,
Winchester and Westminster."
26
00:03:46,751 --> 00:03:49,251
Am I taking 4H in G3 at 10:30?
27
00:03:49,334 --> 00:03:52,917
"As they expatiated upon
a variety of weighty matters,
28
00:03:53,001 --> 00:03:56,542
scarcely did our nervous new boy
open his mouth..."
29
00:03:56,626 --> 00:03:58,917
Sorry. This is your thing
with all the posh schools?
30
00:03:59,001 --> 00:04:00,876
4H in G3 at 10:30.
31
00:04:00,959 --> 00:04:02,209
2:15 okay, Brian?
32
00:04:02,292 --> 00:04:05,501
Joan says I'm taking 4H in G3 at 10:30.
33
00:04:05,584 --> 00:04:08,459
I thought I was taking 4J in J3 at 11:00.
34
00:04:08,542 --> 00:04:11,376
Peter Stiles is taking 4H in G3 at 10:30.
35
00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:12,792
Right, Ted, 2:15.
36
00:04:12,876 --> 00:04:14,459
Slay 'em at the conference, Brian.
37
00:04:14,542 --> 00:04:16,792
Tell all those upper-class ponces
38
00:04:16,876 --> 00:04:19,667
we're gonna hang 'em from the lamp post
by their old school ties!
39
00:04:19,751 --> 00:04:21,001
Right! Thank you, Ted!
40
00:04:21,876 --> 00:04:25,292
Ah, you're taking 4G in H3 at 10:35.
41
00:04:25,376 --> 00:04:26,626
Oh, God!
42
00:04:28,376 --> 00:04:31,292
They should try having 4G at Harrow!
43
00:04:31,376 --> 00:04:35,834
"Well, that obscure comprehensive school
44
00:04:36,751 --> 00:04:39,751
was none other than Thomas Tompion."
45
00:04:43,542 --> 00:04:47,667
"And that overawed new boy
was none other than me.
46
00:04:47,751 --> 00:04:49,376
Little did he dream
47
00:04:49,459 --> 00:04:52,876
that within a few short years
he would be standing up here himself
48
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:57,209
as the very first comprehensive school
headmaster ever...
49
00:04:58,917 --> 00:05:02,251
to become chairman of
the Headmasters' Conference."
50
00:05:02,334 --> 00:05:03,959
Clint!
51
00:05:04,667 --> 00:05:06,751
Where do you think you're going, Clint?
52
00:05:06,834 --> 00:05:09,042
"The Guinness Book of Records"?
53
00:05:09,751 --> 00:05:12,417
Every day this term so far,
isn't it, Clint?
54
00:05:14,001 --> 00:05:16,751
Well, don't just stand there, Clint! Run!
55
00:05:20,751 --> 00:05:22,334
9:20, Clint.
56
00:05:24,042 --> 00:05:27,376
And come out from that doorway!
Not you! You!
57
00:05:28,084 --> 00:05:30,834
Yes, you! I can see the smoke, you fool!
58
00:05:30,917 --> 00:05:32,542
I can see your feet!
59
00:05:35,751 --> 00:05:36,917
Oh, it's you!
60
00:06:18,376 --> 00:06:20,959
Right, now I've got some
sad news for you all.
61
00:06:22,834 --> 00:06:24,459
I'm going to be away today.
62
00:06:24,542 --> 00:06:25,542
Aah!
63
00:06:25,626 --> 00:06:26,834
I knew you'd be heartbroken!
64
00:06:28,792 --> 00:06:30,751
Right. Now, where am I going?
65
00:06:30,834 --> 00:06:35,542
I am going to the University of Norwich
in the fair county of Norfolk.
66
00:06:35,626 --> 00:06:37,542
And why am I going there?
67
00:06:37,626 --> 00:06:41,001
I am going there because that's
where this year's annual meeting
68
00:06:41,084 --> 00:06:43,709
of the Headmasters' Conference
is being held,
69
00:06:43,792 --> 00:06:47,376
and you can all feel
rather proud of yourselves.
70
00:06:47,459 --> 00:06:48,333
Mmm!
71
00:06:48,334 --> 00:06:50,876
Because they don't let
just any old headmasters
72
00:06:50,959 --> 00:06:53,667
into the Headmaster's Conference,
far from it.
73
00:06:53,751 --> 00:06:57,001
The Headmaster's Conference
is the organisation to which
74
00:06:57,084 --> 00:07:00,042
all the great independent schools
of this country belong.
75
00:07:00,126 --> 00:07:04,001
Places like Eton and Harrow,
Winchester and Westminster.
76
00:07:04,084 --> 00:07:07,334
The fee-paying schools.
77
00:07:07,417 --> 00:07:10,501
The "posh" schools that we
all look down our noses at,
78
00:07:10,584 --> 00:07:13,167
and that we'd all send our children to
79
00:07:13,251 --> 00:07:14,876
if only we'd got the money.
80
00:07:17,626 --> 00:07:21,959
They don't usually let in headmasters of
common or garden comprehensive schools,
81
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,959
of schools like this one.
82
00:07:24,042 --> 00:07:27,626
So, why you ask, why did they let me in?
83
00:07:27,709 --> 00:07:31,042
Well, I'll tell you why.
They let me in because you and I...
84
00:07:32,292 --> 00:07:34,001
all of us together,
85
00:07:34,084 --> 00:07:38,584
have made Thomas Tompion
one of the best schools in the country.
86
00:07:41,751 --> 00:07:43,626
Right, then. But today...
87
00:07:44,709 --> 00:07:45,792
9:20, Linda.
88
00:07:46,334 --> 00:07:49,917
But today is an extra special occasion,
89
00:07:50,001 --> 00:07:51,959
because today,
90
00:07:52,042 --> 00:07:55,792
today I take over as chairman,
91
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,792
chairman of the Headmasters' Conference,
92
00:07:58,876 --> 00:08:01,751
and I shall be the first chairman
in the whole of history,
93
00:08:01,834 --> 00:08:03,834
in the whole of history,
94
00:08:04,792 --> 00:08:09,084
who is headmaster of an ordinary, common
or garden, state comprehensive school.
95
00:08:09,167 --> 00:08:11,626
So it really is one for the
"Guinness Book of Records"!
96
00:08:11,709 --> 00:08:12,792
Right, then!
97
00:08:12,876 --> 00:08:15,709
So what am I going to tell them
in my speech this afternoon?
98
00:08:15,792 --> 00:08:18,501
I'm going to tell them how we did it!
99
00:08:19,209 --> 00:08:21,042
I'm going to tell them how we all decided
100
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:24,167
that we wanted a well-run,
orderly school,
101
00:08:24,251 --> 00:08:29,001
a school where we all knew what we were
supposed to be doing, Jimmy Picket!
102
00:08:30,417 --> 00:08:34,209
A school where we all knew which room
we were supposed to be doing it in.
103
00:08:34,292 --> 00:08:37,084
I'm not looking at you, Wendy Pilbrow,
104
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:39,209
or you, Gary Bottoms.
105
00:08:40,293 --> 00:08:44,835
And what we were supposed to be
doing it with, Debbie Jones.
106
00:08:46,084 --> 00:08:47,501
And above all,
107
00:08:47,584 --> 00:08:50,709
Clint Ailing and Dean Schreiber,
please note...
108
00:08:55,042 --> 00:08:57,501
...when we were supposed to be doing it!!
109
00:09:01,417 --> 00:09:06,959
Right, Hymn 122,
"He Who Would Valiant Be".
110
00:09:33,667 --> 00:09:35,667
One hundred and 22.
111
00:09:54,876 --> 00:09:59,667
♪ He who would valiant be
112
00:09:59,751 --> 00:10:03,459
♪ 'Gainst all disaster
113
00:10:04,209 --> 00:10:08,334
♪ Let him in constancy
114
00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:12,459
♪ Follow the Master... ♪
115
00:10:15,376 --> 00:10:16,626
Oh...
116
00:10:16,709 --> 00:10:18,459
You here again, Gayle?
117
00:10:22,126 --> 00:10:23,751
What are you here for, Shaym?
118
00:10:23,834 --> 00:10:25,292
Don't know. What are you here for?
119
00:10:25,376 --> 00:10:27,917
Oh, I'm... I'm merely... I'm just...
120
00:10:35,126 --> 00:10:36,292
Clint.
121
00:10:41,876 --> 00:10:44,001
Hello, Mrs Stimpson.
122
00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:49,459
Surprised to find you lined up with the...
123
00:10:50,501 --> 00:10:52,292
What have you been...?
124
00:10:52,376 --> 00:10:53,626
What?
125
00:10:53,709 --> 00:10:56,209
Did you overcook the...?
126
00:10:56,292 --> 00:10:58,092
- Or were you late getting him his...?
- Late?
127
00:10:58,126 --> 00:10:59,727
Go on, hit 'im in the face!
Get 'im on the floor!
128
00:10:59,751 --> 00:11:02,042
- Agh!
- Go on, boot 'im!
129
00:11:02,126 --> 00:11:04,251
- Shh! Shh!
- Go on, hit 'im in the face!
130
00:11:04,334 --> 00:11:06,834
- Agh! Agh!
- Tear his head off!
131
00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:09,751
If you think 9:20 outside
my study means 11:10
132
00:11:09,834 --> 00:11:13,209
in the playground, then you'll
be back here at 9:20 every day
133
00:11:13,292 --> 00:11:15,542
until you learn to tell the time!
134
00:11:15,626 --> 00:11:18,501
I told you 9:50.
The train's not till 10:25.
135
00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:20,501
What do you want?
136
00:11:20,584 --> 00:11:22,584
Please, sir, it's about
starting Greek, sir.
137
00:11:22,667 --> 00:11:24,542
9:20's not starting Greek.
138
00:11:24,626 --> 00:11:27,501
9:20's not being driven
to the railway station.
139
00:11:27,584 --> 00:11:28,667
What's 9:20?
140
00:11:28,751 --> 00:11:31,167
- Executions, sir.
- Executions.
141
00:11:31,251 --> 00:11:32,417
Mr Jolly?
142
00:11:34,376 --> 00:11:36,876
I used to be like you. Always late.
143
00:11:38,042 --> 00:11:41,584
Oh, yes, forever in the wrong place
at the wrong time.
144
00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:46,042
I know what you mean,
but I just thought I ought to...
145
00:11:46,126 --> 00:11:47,709
I thought I ought to...
146
00:11:48,251 --> 00:11:49,792
One or two things...
147
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,167
One or two problems...
148
00:11:52,834 --> 00:11:54,042
One or two personal...
149
00:11:54,126 --> 00:11:56,126
I was like some miserable child
150
00:11:56,209 --> 00:11:59,001
wandering round the school,
with his calculator in one hand
151
00:11:59,084 --> 00:12:02,209
and his gym shoes in the other,
and not the slightest idea
152
00:12:02,292 --> 00:12:03,959
where he's supposed to be.
153
00:12:04,042 --> 00:12:06,251
G3, Leroy!
154
00:12:07,376 --> 00:12:09,417
I know the feeling, but...
155
00:12:09,501 --> 00:12:10,584
We all go through it, John.
156
00:12:10,667 --> 00:12:12,084
We all get lost.
157
00:12:13,417 --> 00:12:15,542
I'm afraid I've got into...
158
00:12:16,542 --> 00:12:18,626
Well... I've got into...
159
00:12:18,709 --> 00:12:20,042
Bed, John.
160
00:12:20,709 --> 00:12:23,667
Oh, no, no, no. No, nothing like that!
161
00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:25,750
Well...
162
00:12:25,751 --> 00:12:27,959
Try getting out of it
earlier in the morning.
163
00:12:28,042 --> 00:12:29,251
Oh, yes!
164
00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:31,209
But the thing is this...
165
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:36,209
Because the first step to knowing
who we are is knowing where we are
166
00:12:36,292 --> 00:12:38,876
and when we are!
167
00:12:51,334 --> 00:12:52,876
I could drive you there.
168
00:12:52,959 --> 00:12:54,709
The train doesn't go till 10:25.
169
00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,084
You're ashamed of me, aren't you?
170
00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:58,584
You could go over to the hospital.
171
00:12:59,334 --> 00:13:01,917
Don't tell me you're
not allowed to take wives,
172
00:13:02,001 --> 00:13:04,376
because if you're the chairman, you are.
173
00:13:04,459 --> 00:13:05,667
I know that.
174
00:13:20,792 --> 00:13:23,334
You could take some of your
old ladies out for a drive.
175
00:13:24,292 --> 00:13:27,959
I don't have to come to the dinner
if that's what you're worrying about.
176
00:13:29,626 --> 00:13:32,751
I could go out and get
a hamburger on my own.
177
00:13:39,667 --> 00:13:42,042
This is a historic moment.
178
00:13:42,126 --> 00:13:44,917
I stand before you today
as your new chairman.
179
00:13:45,001 --> 00:13:48,667
I said I could go out and get
a hamburger in McDonald's.
180
00:13:48,751 --> 00:13:52,626
Good, good. And did Paul
get off to school on time?
181
00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:09,667
- Right. So you'll find somewhere to park.
- Park?
182
00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:12,417
Make sure the train's running.
183
00:14:12,501 --> 00:14:14,542
If it's not, you'll have to drive me there.
184
00:14:21,667 --> 00:14:23,334
Platform 3
185
00:14:23,417 --> 00:14:26,001
for the 10:25 to Norwich.
186
00:14:26,084 --> 00:14:28,917
Calling at...
187
00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:38,834
Right, Norwich.
We're on time today, are we?
188
00:14:38,917 --> 00:14:39,917
On the left.
189
00:14:40,001 --> 00:14:41,001
Right.
190
00:14:41,876 --> 00:14:43,476
On the left, guv'nor. Train on the left.
191
00:14:43,542 --> 00:14:46,876
Glen Scully and Mandy Kostakis!
192
00:14:46,959 --> 00:14:51,334
Platform 3 for the 10:25 to Norwich.
193
00:14:51,417 --> 00:14:52,417
Yes!
194
00:14:54,959 --> 00:14:56,251
Right.
195
00:14:56,334 --> 00:14:59,001
Tomorrow then, 9:20!
196
00:14:59,084 --> 00:15:03,126
Platform 4 for the 10:28 to Plymouth.
197
00:15:03,209 --> 00:15:04,584
Right.
198
00:15:04,667 --> 00:15:06,084
On the left, then.
199
00:15:06,167 --> 00:15:07,125
Right.
200
00:15:07,126 --> 00:15:08,584
- Right?
- Right.
201
00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:09,751
Right.
202
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:29,126
This is a historic moment.
203
00:15:30,042 --> 00:15:32,709
I stand before you today
204
00:15:32,792 --> 00:15:34,792
as your new chairman,
205
00:15:34,876 --> 00:15:37,334
something that few of us
206
00:15:37,417 --> 00:15:41,292
ever expected to see happen
in our lifetime.
207
00:15:51,876 --> 00:15:52,917
Uh...
208
00:15:53,001 --> 00:15:56,834
Something that few of us
ever expected to see in our lifetime.
209
00:16:05,334 --> 00:16:07,292
This is the train to Norwich?
210
00:16:07,376 --> 00:16:09,292
- Plymouth.
- Plymouth?!
211
00:16:09,376 --> 00:16:10,393
That was Norwich on the left.
212
00:16:10,417 --> 00:16:11,417
Oh!
213
00:16:20,251 --> 00:16:21,667
Wait! Stop!
214
00:16:24,626 --> 00:16:25,709
Wait!
215
00:16:30,376 --> 00:16:31,501
Right!
216
00:16:33,334 --> 00:16:34,917
The 10:25 to Norwich?
217
00:16:35,001 --> 00:16:36,961
- You've missed it.
- It's on time? It is running?
218
00:16:37,001 --> 00:16:39,834
- It's run, it's gone, that's it.
- That's all right then.
219
00:16:43,251 --> 00:16:44,376
Gwenda!
220
00:16:48,626 --> 00:16:50,917
Can't you tell the difference
between left and right?
221
00:16:51,001 --> 00:16:52,501
You said Norwich.
222
00:16:52,584 --> 00:16:54,126
That's Plymouth!
223
00:16:54,209 --> 00:16:55,292
You didn't want Norwich?
224
00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:58,751
The speech!
225
00:16:58,834 --> 00:17:00,751
Speech? What, now?
226
00:17:02,834 --> 00:17:04,751
Wait! Stop!
227
00:17:05,834 --> 00:17:08,352
They've asked me to do some
damned silly things as I've stood 'ere,
228
00:17:08,376 --> 00:17:10,667
but no one's ever asked me
to make a speech before.
229
00:17:12,126 --> 00:17:14,126
Come on! Try this one then.
230
00:17:14,209 --> 00:17:15,626
Plymouth, this one.
231
00:17:16,959 --> 00:17:19,251
Speech! Speech!
232
00:17:19,334 --> 00:17:21,542
Please, could you just give me the speech?
233
00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:24,417
Oh, please!
234
00:17:30,292 --> 00:17:31,376
Right!
235
00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:33,042
He's back.
236
00:17:33,792 --> 00:17:35,667
Do you want the speech
before you go, do you?
237
00:17:35,751 --> 00:17:38,709
- Norwich?
- My lords, ladies and gentlemen...
238
00:17:38,792 --> 00:17:40,126
Next one to Norwich?
239
00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:42,709
- 2:47, change at Peterborough.
- Oh!
240
00:17:44,501 --> 00:17:46,001
He didn't like it.
241
00:17:49,042 --> 00:17:50,042
Gwenda!
242
00:17:58,709 --> 00:17:59,917
Gwenda!
243
00:18:00,709 --> 00:18:02,084
Wait!
244
00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,709
- Thank you.
- Stop!
245
00:18:17,292 --> 00:18:20,667
Keep going, guv'nor. It's never
too late till the last moment's gone.
246
00:18:22,042 --> 00:18:23,667
Just so long...
247
00:18:23,751 --> 00:18:26,542
just so long as your wife
hasn't taken the car.
248
00:18:33,709 --> 00:18:34,751
Aaah!
249
00:18:41,959 --> 00:18:43,042
Um...
250
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,251
Gwenda?
251
00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:52,251
Gwenda?
252
00:18:52,334 --> 00:18:53,334
No!
253
00:18:53,417 --> 00:18:55,542
- Where the hell is she?
- Um...
254
00:18:55,626 --> 00:18:58,126
- Oh, you're here. Where's Mum?
- Er?
255
00:18:58,209 --> 00:19:01,084
- Don't tell me, "At the school."
- Yeah, I think she...
256
00:19:01,167 --> 00:19:04,209
I know she was at the school, you idiot!
Where'd she go after that?
257
00:19:04,292 --> 00:19:06,332
- Don't say the station!
- Yeah, I think she said...
258
00:19:06,376 --> 00:19:08,501
God, give me strength!
259
00:19:11,209 --> 00:19:13,042
Well, where is she now?
260
00:19:18,876 --> 00:19:22,376
She's not at the hospital? She's not
driving old ladies round the countryside?
261
00:19:22,459 --> 00:19:25,084
- Dunno, she might have said...
- She's at the hospital! Huh!
262
00:19:30,417 --> 00:19:31,792
Why aren't you at school?
263
00:19:31,876 --> 00:19:33,959
Ah, well, I've got a...
264
00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:37,251
You've got a free. Of course, you've
got a free. Only you haven't got a free.
265
00:19:37,334 --> 00:19:40,542
- No, I've got a...
- You've got a study period!
266
00:19:43,126 --> 00:19:45,209
I've got a hangover!
267
00:19:49,251 --> 00:19:51,959
Taxi, taxi, taxi!
268
00:20:04,501 --> 00:20:05,626
Taxi!
269
00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:10,126
Uh...
270
00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:21,376
Please, sir...
I'm terribly sorry, Mr Stimpson, sir.
271
00:20:21,459 --> 00:20:22,709
Laura. Laura?
272
00:20:24,751 --> 00:20:25,751
Laura!
273
00:20:25,752 --> 00:20:28,126
I'm sorry, Mr Stimpson. I've got a free.
274
00:20:28,209 --> 00:20:30,917
Right! Laura, hospital.
275
00:20:31,001 --> 00:20:32,584
Oh!
276
00:20:48,417 --> 00:20:50,709
Right, not far out of your way.
277
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:54,334
It's not a free, Laura,
it's a study period.
278
00:20:54,417 --> 00:20:57,501
Study periods are not frees.
279
00:20:58,834 --> 00:21:01,626
- This is your parents' car, is it, Laura?
- They don't mind.
280
00:21:01,709 --> 00:21:03,751
You've got A-levels this year, Laura.
281
00:21:03,834 --> 00:21:06,227
You can't afford to go driving round
the district in study periods.
282
00:21:06,251 --> 00:21:08,834
You're a prefect.
You should be setting an example.
283
00:21:08,917 --> 00:21:10,542
Right, left!
284
00:21:21,792 --> 00:21:24,042
Right, wait here.
285
00:21:25,292 --> 00:21:27,459
Do you mind waiting?
I don't know where she goes.
286
00:21:27,542 --> 00:21:29,376
I'm only missing biology.
287
00:21:40,917 --> 00:21:42,667
Through the door.
288
00:21:42,751 --> 00:21:45,542
Now, the liqueur glasses
came to me from my mother.
289
00:21:45,626 --> 00:21:48,917
- Mind the step.
- So Jeanie's always had her eye on them.
290
00:21:49,001 --> 00:21:54,501
So she said, "Ellie, it's no use letting
Lou have the sherry glasses.
291
00:21:55,251 --> 00:21:59,084
She won't appreciate them,
she won't polish them.
292
00:21:59,167 --> 00:22:02,126
You know what she's like."
So I said, "Well, all right.
293
00:22:02,209 --> 00:22:06,126
I've no desire to burden people with
possessions they don't want," I said.
294
00:22:06,209 --> 00:22:08,667
"That's not my intention
and never has been."
295
00:22:08,751 --> 00:22:12,917
So naturally, she thought if
the sherry glasses aren't going to Lou,
296
00:22:13,001 --> 00:22:14,917
they'd be going to Pam.
297
00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:17,209
But I thought to myself,
298
00:22:17,292 --> 00:22:18,876
"Wait a moment, Ellie."
299
00:22:18,959 --> 00:22:21,376
Keep moving, Mrs Trellis, nearly there.
300
00:22:21,459 --> 00:22:23,626
"Hold on a moment, Ellie," I thought.
301
00:22:23,709 --> 00:22:25,542
Are we going to the hospital?
302
00:22:25,626 --> 00:22:27,667
We're at the hospital, Mrs Wheel.
303
00:22:27,751 --> 00:22:30,751
We're just going to have
a little look at the country.
304
00:22:30,834 --> 00:22:33,417
How lovely! Ooh, isn't that lovely?
305
00:22:33,501 --> 00:22:35,959
"Not so fast, Ellie," I thought.
306
00:22:36,042 --> 00:22:39,042
"If Pam gets them,
she'll give them to Babs
307
00:22:39,126 --> 00:22:41,876
and we all know what she'll do with them."
308
00:22:41,959 --> 00:22:43,709
Aren't we lucky?
309
00:22:43,792 --> 00:22:47,001
- Are we going to the hospital?
- Don't worry, Mrs Wheel.
310
00:22:47,084 --> 00:22:48,626
We'll come back to the hospital
311
00:22:48,709 --> 00:22:52,042
just as soon as we've had
a little look at the countryside.
312
00:22:52,126 --> 00:22:54,209
And then I thought, "Well, hold on!
313
00:22:54,292 --> 00:22:56,292
Millie's living in Majorca!
314
00:22:57,126 --> 00:23:01,334
Well, what on earth is she going to do
with two dozen sherry glasses?"
315
00:23:01,417 --> 00:23:05,917
So I thought, "Even if she wants them,
how should we ever get them to her?
316
00:23:06,001 --> 00:23:07,834
In Majorca?" I thought.
317
00:23:08,667 --> 00:23:10,709
Aren't we lucky people?
318
00:23:13,876 --> 00:23:15,084
Thank you.
319
00:23:19,667 --> 00:23:21,626
Well, maybe I'm old-fashioned,
320
00:23:21,709 --> 00:23:24,501
maybe I don't understand
modern ideas about
321
00:23:24,584 --> 00:23:26,834
give them this, give them that.
322
00:23:26,917 --> 00:23:30,001
But what does it matter?
Let them smash it all up.
323
00:23:30,084 --> 00:23:32,959
But to my mind, sherry glasses are a...
324
00:23:37,334 --> 00:23:39,584
We've missed her. She's gone!
325
00:23:46,376 --> 00:23:47,584
Which way then?
326
00:23:50,834 --> 00:23:52,626
Left or right, Mr Stimpson?
327
00:23:52,709 --> 00:23:54,417
Laura, Laura.
328
00:23:54,501 --> 00:23:57,042
Will you drive me to Norwich?
329
00:23:57,126 --> 00:23:58,334
Okay. Where is it?
330
00:23:58,417 --> 00:24:00,834
It's vital, you see, Laura.
I shouldn't ask you otherwise.
331
00:24:00,917 --> 00:24:02,417
It's the Headmasters' Conference.
332
00:24:02,501 --> 00:24:03,626
I'm the first headmaster
333
00:24:03,709 --> 00:24:07,251
of a maintained comprehensive school
ever, in the whole of history,
334
00:24:07,334 --> 00:24:09,268
to become chairman
of the Headmasters' Conference.
335
00:24:09,292 --> 00:24:11,376
- Just tell me where it is.
- It's not far.
336
00:24:12,959 --> 00:24:14,459
Not all that far.
337
00:24:14,542 --> 00:24:17,417
- Not too far.
- I mean, left or right?
338
00:24:17,501 --> 00:24:18,792
Oh, right.
339
00:24:18,876 --> 00:24:20,167
Left!
340
00:24:21,084 --> 00:24:23,167
No, no, no! Right!
341
00:24:24,042 --> 00:24:25,167
Right!
342
00:24:34,584 --> 00:24:37,251
- 163 miles.
- Right.
343
00:24:37,334 --> 00:24:39,292
We'll have to ring your mum.
344
00:24:39,376 --> 00:24:41,560
Ah, they've got a phone here.
I'd better speak to her myself.
345
00:24:41,584 --> 00:24:42,917
I'll do it.
346
00:24:43,001 --> 00:24:45,917
I mean, not if she's the slightest
bit worried about it, Laura.
347
00:24:46,001 --> 00:24:48,209
I'll pay for the petrol, of course.
348
00:25:00,584 --> 00:25:02,834
This is a historic moment.
349
00:25:03,876 --> 00:25:07,334
We are going a long way...
Uh, we have come a long way.
350
00:25:07,417 --> 00:25:10,709
We are going 163 miles.
351
00:25:10,792 --> 00:25:13,001
John, listen to me, I'm going away.
352
00:25:13,834 --> 00:25:15,084
It's over.
353
00:25:16,251 --> 00:25:17,334
No.
354
00:25:17,417 --> 00:25:19,084
- Five hours ago...
- Norwich.
355
00:25:19,167 --> 00:25:22,792
...if I may be personal for a moment,
I was feeling deeply historic.
356
00:25:24,126 --> 00:25:27,834
Five "years" ago,
if I may be historic for a moment,
357
00:25:27,917 --> 00:25:30,626
I was feeling deeply humble.
358
00:25:30,709 --> 00:25:35,251
An overawed master from
an obscure comprehensive school...
359
00:25:35,334 --> 00:25:38,414
Every time she comes to
the house, she makes some little remark.
360
00:25:38,459 --> 00:25:40,376
"Oh, Ellie," she goes,
361
00:25:40,459 --> 00:25:43,709
"it must take you ages to dust all your
glasses. I don't know how you do it.
362
00:25:43,792 --> 00:25:46,751
I'm sure I shouldn't like to have
all those glasses to dust."
363
00:25:46,834 --> 00:25:49,542
She goes on and on about
those glasses, never stops.
364
00:25:49,626 --> 00:25:51,959
I sometimes wonder if she ever
thinks about anything else.
365
00:25:52,042 --> 00:25:54,751
She certainly never talks
about anything else.
366
00:25:54,834 --> 00:25:56,542
Of course, I don't say a word.
367
00:25:57,626 --> 00:26:02,084
I'm not much of a talker. There's
plenty I could say if I wanted to.
368
00:26:02,167 --> 00:26:03,876
Well, like that clock.
369
00:26:04,709 --> 00:26:06,126
That came to her,
370
00:26:06,209 --> 00:26:08,126
not that she's ever wound it.
371
00:26:08,209 --> 00:26:11,459
Not that she's so much as
looked at it, from that day to this.
372
00:26:17,126 --> 00:26:18,209
Laura, what did she say?
373
00:26:18,292 --> 00:26:19,542
- Oh, it's okay.
- Really?
374
00:26:19,626 --> 00:26:22,876
Got rooms in that house so filled with
things that you can't open the door.
375
00:26:22,959 --> 00:26:24,876
Doesn't know what she's got herself.
376
00:26:24,959 --> 00:26:27,667
I feel very badly about this, Laura.
What are you missing?
377
00:26:28,376 --> 00:26:30,542
- You're missing double biology!
- I don't mind.
378
00:26:30,626 --> 00:26:32,546
Well, you should mind. Laura.
You've got A-levels
379
00:26:32,584 --> 00:26:35,167
and I'm taking you out
of a double biology.
380
00:26:35,251 --> 00:26:36,876
Laura, you're going to discover
381
00:26:36,959 --> 00:26:38,935
that life is full of the most
terrible moral choices.
382
00:26:38,959 --> 00:26:40,935
In fact, I said to her the other day,
383
00:26:40,959 --> 00:26:43,167
I said, "You know what's going
to happen, don't you?
384
00:26:43,251 --> 00:26:46,167
Someone's got to sort
this lot out when you've gone,
385
00:26:46,251 --> 00:26:48,542
and it won't be Dibs, it won't be Lou.
386
00:26:48,626 --> 00:26:50,626
Oh dear, no, it'll be me!"
387
00:26:50,709 --> 00:26:53,042
No one pays the slightest attention
to what anyone says.
388
00:26:53,126 --> 00:26:55,292
I don't know why I waste my breath.
389
00:26:55,376 --> 00:26:58,876
I can tell you she's got a clock in
that house that came from Mother
390
00:26:58,959 --> 00:27:01,334
that's worth every penny of £100.
391
00:27:01,417 --> 00:27:03,376
It's never been wound
from that day to this.
392
00:27:03,459 --> 00:27:05,292
So when she's in the house
the other day...
393
00:27:05,376 --> 00:27:08,626
That bloke with the girl, did they pay?
They didn't pay!
394
00:27:08,709 --> 00:27:11,709
- They've never paid.
- Blue 1100, was it?
395
00:27:11,792 --> 00:27:16,584
Laura Wisely! She lives round the corner.
396
00:27:16,667 --> 00:27:18,501
She's one of his pupils.
397
00:27:18,584 --> 00:27:19,917
How lovely!
398
00:27:20,792 --> 00:27:23,751
I saw the train leave!
399
00:27:23,834 --> 00:27:25,126
Isn't that lovely?
400
00:27:25,209 --> 00:27:27,084
The number! The number!
401
00:27:27,167 --> 00:27:29,376
I don't believe this!
There goes another one!
402
00:27:36,751 --> 00:27:39,001
Don't worry, it's okay. Honestly.
403
00:27:40,042 --> 00:27:43,376
If Thomas Tompion is a success story,
404
00:27:43,459 --> 00:27:47,917
it is because we insist upon
certain traditional standards.
405
00:27:48,001 --> 00:27:49,167
Speech.
406
00:27:49,251 --> 00:27:50,959
It's on the train.
407
00:27:54,834 --> 00:28:00,001
I should like at this point, if I may,
to pause for three hours.
408
00:28:00,084 --> 00:28:03,667
160 miles in three hours... To pause for,
409
00:28:03,751 --> 00:28:05,251
say, three-and-a-half hours.
410
00:28:05,334 --> 00:28:08,001
Three-and-a-half into 160...
411
00:28:08,084 --> 00:28:09,584
It's a good thing, actually.
412
00:28:09,667 --> 00:28:12,417
If you hadn't have come along,
I might not be here now.
413
00:28:12,501 --> 00:28:15,501
I had this great row with this bloke.
414
00:28:15,584 --> 00:28:18,751
I ran back to the house and I saw
the car keys, and I thought, "Right!"
415
00:28:18,834 --> 00:28:23,209
We all understand, I think, that
lateness is a discourtesy to others.
416
00:28:23,292 --> 00:28:25,959
What is sometimes forgotten these days
417
00:28:26,042 --> 00:28:29,209
is that it is three-and-a-half into 16.
418
00:28:29,292 --> 00:28:31,376
It's about 50 miles an hour!
419
00:28:31,459 --> 00:28:34,792
He didn't like it when I told him I was
driving to Norwich with someone.
420
00:28:34,876 --> 00:28:37,167
"Who?" he said, "Who? Who?"
421
00:28:37,251 --> 00:28:38,792
He's so jealous.
422
00:28:38,876 --> 00:28:41,167
Told "him" you were driving to Norwich?
423
00:28:41,876 --> 00:28:44,709
- You told who you were driving to Norwich?
- This bloke.
424
00:28:50,792 --> 00:28:52,917
I couldn't ring Mum.
She'd have gone mad.
425
00:28:53,001 --> 00:28:55,042
But we can't stop again!
426
00:28:55,709 --> 00:28:57,459
And I never paid for the petrol.
427
00:29:00,959 --> 00:29:02,834
- Mrs Wisely?
- Police?
428
00:29:02,917 --> 00:29:04,667
No, no, Jolly. Mr Jolly.
429
00:29:04,751 --> 00:29:08,417
I just wondered if Laura was...
Are you Laura's...
430
00:29:08,501 --> 00:29:09,667
Police?
431
00:29:09,751 --> 00:29:13,542
Laura's at school, dear. I'm on
the phone. The car's been stolen.
432
00:29:13,626 --> 00:29:16,709
- No, it isn't the police.
- Who is it then?
433
00:29:16,792 --> 00:29:18,084
It's someone for Laura.
434
00:29:18,167 --> 00:29:20,477
- It's my husband. He's beside himself.
- What am I supposed to do?
435
00:29:20,501 --> 00:29:23,667
Well, you'll have to come back and
speak to them, give them a description.
436
00:29:23,751 --> 00:29:25,751
I can't give them a description.
437
00:29:25,834 --> 00:29:28,792
Is it a Morris or is it an 1100?
I don't know.
438
00:29:28,876 --> 00:29:32,792
He's in such a state, he doesn't know
what he's doing. He lives for that car.
439
00:29:32,876 --> 00:29:35,917
He was standing outside in the drive.
He goes to pieces.
440
00:29:36,001 --> 00:29:37,751
Is it the anti-nuclear, dear?
441
00:29:37,834 --> 00:29:41,001
No, no, it's just that Laura's not at...
442
00:29:41,084 --> 00:29:44,167
I don't want to alarm you,
but just thought I ought to...
443
00:29:44,251 --> 00:29:47,626
Laura, she's disappeared!
No one knows where she is.
444
00:29:47,709 --> 00:29:51,417
- You mean, at school?
- No, he's just said.
445
00:29:51,501 --> 00:29:53,417
He's here now. He's just told me.
446
00:29:53,501 --> 00:29:55,292
- Who's just told you?
- Who are you?
447
00:29:55,376 --> 00:29:57,501
I'm... Well,
I'm one of the staff at the...
448
00:29:57,584 --> 00:30:00,334
- He's one of the staff at the...
- You know, the music...
449
00:30:00,417 --> 00:30:01,542
He's the music.
450
00:30:05,667 --> 00:30:07,167
He's coming home.
451
00:30:07,251 --> 00:30:10,001
He doesn't know what he's doing.
He's going to do someone an injury.
452
00:30:11,292 --> 00:30:13,292
And you've no idea where she is?
453
00:30:13,376 --> 00:30:16,209
Well, does she have any relations or...
454
00:30:16,292 --> 00:30:18,834
You know, I just wondered
if she had any sort of...
455
00:30:18,917 --> 00:30:20,959
Well... In Norwich?
456
00:30:21,042 --> 00:30:24,084
- Is this the hospital?
- No!
457
00:30:24,167 --> 00:30:26,501
Just wait there. Don't move.
458
00:30:26,584 --> 00:30:28,834
Ooh, doesn't this make a change?
459
00:30:28,917 --> 00:30:32,542
Oh, it's not, it's Mrs...
Is that Mrs Stimpson?
460
00:30:32,626 --> 00:30:35,542
- I'm sorry, I just wondered...
- Laura's disappeared!
461
00:30:35,626 --> 00:30:37,084
She didn't tell you she was going?
462
00:30:37,167 --> 00:30:39,042
Not a word and the car's been stolen!
463
00:30:39,126 --> 00:30:41,709
I'm so sorry, Mrs Wisely, I'm so sorry.
464
00:30:41,792 --> 00:30:45,459
We're waiting for the police.
My husband's out of his mind with worry.
465
00:30:45,542 --> 00:30:46,751
He says...
466
00:30:47,542 --> 00:30:49,251
- that she's in Norwich.
- Yes.
467
00:30:49,334 --> 00:30:51,959
I just somehow thought perhaps...
Oh, hello, Mrs Stimpson.
468
00:30:52,042 --> 00:30:53,334
I just somehow wondered if...
469
00:30:53,417 --> 00:30:55,792
Of course, everyone knows except me!
470
00:30:55,876 --> 00:30:57,727
Well, Norwich? What can she
be doing in Norwich?
471
00:30:57,751 --> 00:30:59,834
I'll tell you what she's doing in Norwich.
472
00:30:59,917 --> 00:31:03,084
She's going to the annual meeting
of the Headmasters' Conference.
473
00:31:03,167 --> 00:31:04,501
- Oh, no!
- You mean...?
474
00:31:04,584 --> 00:31:06,251
- Yes.
- You don't mean...?
475
00:31:06,334 --> 00:31:08,459
Of course, he wouldn't take me.
476
00:31:08,542 --> 00:31:10,959
I said I'd sit in the hotel.
I'd eat in McDonald's.
477
00:31:11,042 --> 00:31:13,376
But oh, no! Because he's taking her.
478
00:31:13,459 --> 00:31:16,126
She said it was cello, every evening.
I knew it wasn't cello!
479
00:31:16,209 --> 00:31:18,834
- A schoolgirl, a child!
- She's got her A-levels!
480
00:31:18,917 --> 00:31:22,292
Oh, look! A little family party.
Isn't that nice?
481
00:31:22,376 --> 00:31:25,334
Uh, I think I'd better...
I think I must be...
482
00:31:25,417 --> 00:31:28,292
I haven't said anything
about his work, work, work.
483
00:31:28,376 --> 00:31:31,542
I haven't said anything about his
everlasting Conservative meetings,
484
00:31:31,626 --> 00:31:35,251
- but I'm not going to put up with this.
- Which one's the hospital?
485
00:31:35,334 --> 00:31:38,667
The hospital?
I think it's along the bypass.
486
00:31:38,751 --> 00:31:41,584
Her father'll kill her!
487
00:31:41,667 --> 00:31:44,084
Can we see over the house?
Is it open today?
488
00:31:53,376 --> 00:31:55,084
Get in the car!
489
00:31:56,459 --> 00:31:59,084
I told you to stay in the car.
490
00:31:59,167 --> 00:32:00,959
What a day!
491
00:32:01,042 --> 00:32:03,917
- Where next?
- Norwich!
492
00:32:04,001 --> 00:32:06,334
So she said, "What happened
to Mother's blue teapot?"
493
00:32:06,417 --> 00:32:08,352
So I said, "Well, you're
the last person to ask..."
494
00:32:08,376 --> 00:32:09,501
Where's the other one?
495
00:32:10,917 --> 00:32:14,084
She's in Norwich! She's at a conference
of headmasters with the headmaster.
496
00:32:14,167 --> 00:32:17,834
His wife's beside herself and what about
her A-levels? We've got to find her, Ted.
497
00:32:17,917 --> 00:32:21,292
You've got to talk to her. Get the car out.
Oh, the car's been stolen.
498
00:32:21,376 --> 00:32:24,209
She's taken the car. She can't drive.
499
00:32:28,042 --> 00:32:30,167
Mrs Wisely? Stolen car?
500
00:32:30,251 --> 00:32:32,626
- There! There!
- There?
501
00:32:33,584 --> 00:32:34,584
Here!
502
00:32:46,334 --> 00:32:48,542
Now keep calm. Don't go mad.
503
00:32:48,626 --> 00:32:50,459
Well, what are you waiting for?
504
00:32:55,709 --> 00:32:58,292
"Mother's blue teapot indeed," I said.
505
00:32:58,376 --> 00:33:01,376
"Well, you should know,
you were the last to see it."
506
00:33:01,459 --> 00:33:04,876
Then the next thing I know,
she's eyeing the sherry glasses.
507
00:33:04,959 --> 00:33:07,459
Well, she's always been
eyeing the sherry glasses
508
00:33:07,542 --> 00:33:09,542
ever since she first came to the house.
509
00:33:10,292 --> 00:33:12,917
- Ten o'clock in the morning?
- What?
510
00:33:13,001 --> 00:33:16,084
You had a row with your boyfriend
at ten o'clock in the morning?
511
00:33:16,167 --> 00:33:20,376
- I had a free.
- Study periods are for study, Laura.
512
00:33:21,251 --> 00:33:24,542
Evening is the proper time
to have rows with your boyfriend.
513
00:33:24,626 --> 00:33:26,417
I couldn't see him in the evening.
514
00:33:26,501 --> 00:33:28,917
Does the sun ever appear
late over the horizon,
515
00:33:29,001 --> 00:33:32,376
saying, "Please, sir, the bus was full,
the train was on strike"?
516
00:33:32,459 --> 00:33:34,376
His wife wouldn't let him
go out in the evening.
517
00:33:34,459 --> 00:33:37,709
If the sun depended on public transport
to arrive each day...
518
00:33:37,792 --> 00:33:38,959
His wife?!
519
00:33:39,042 --> 00:33:41,001
It's okay. He didn't get on with her.
520
00:33:45,584 --> 00:33:48,501
I suppose you have passed
the driving test, Laura?
521
00:33:48,584 --> 00:33:51,167
- As good as.
- What's that supposed to mean?
522
00:33:51,251 --> 00:33:53,834
- I only failed on one thing.
- Right, pull in!
523
00:33:54,626 --> 00:33:56,542
Now please, at once!
524
00:34:08,376 --> 00:34:10,917
Let's get one thing straight at any rate.
525
00:34:15,751 --> 00:34:17,334
Get in the other side.
526
00:34:23,292 --> 00:34:24,709
Blue 1100.
527
00:34:24,792 --> 00:34:27,084
A million blue 1100s.
528
00:34:27,167 --> 00:34:29,251
A middle-aged man and a girl.
529
00:34:32,959 --> 00:34:35,084
That's life, I'm afraid, Laura.
530
00:34:35,167 --> 00:34:38,084
You can drive,
but you haven't passed the test.
531
00:34:38,167 --> 00:34:41,959
I, on the other hand, have passed
the test but wouldn't claim...
532
00:35:46,626 --> 00:35:48,292
Whoa!
533
00:35:54,417 --> 00:35:56,792
Don't worry, we'll just pull
the wing away from the wheel.
534
00:35:56,876 --> 00:35:58,501
She'll be all right.
535
00:35:59,501 --> 00:36:01,667
It'll all be covered, Laura.
Your dad's insurance.
536
00:36:03,209 --> 00:36:05,126
I'm the one they'll summons.
537
00:36:05,209 --> 00:36:07,084
I'm the one who'll have to tell your dad.
538
00:36:07,167 --> 00:36:10,542
Yes, and another thing.
Have you stopped for petrol anywhere?
539
00:36:13,792 --> 00:36:15,167
Petrol?
540
00:36:18,084 --> 00:36:20,042
No, we filled it up yesterday.
541
00:36:22,626 --> 00:36:23,667
Um!
542
00:36:25,001 --> 00:36:26,084
Didn't we, Laura?
543
00:36:48,917 --> 00:36:52,292
No! That's part of our car!
544
00:37:01,417 --> 00:37:03,917
It's jangling all about, I can hear it.
545
00:37:04,792 --> 00:37:06,417
It's scratching the paint.
546
00:37:06,501 --> 00:37:09,751
We must find a phone, warn them
I'm not going to be there until four.
547
00:37:10,917 --> 00:37:13,876
Does the tide ever go out
during a study period, saying,
548
00:37:13,959 --> 00:37:16,834
"Please, sir, I'm having
a row with my boyfriend"?
549
00:37:19,417 --> 00:37:21,834
It isn't someone on the staff, is it?
550
00:37:22,834 --> 00:37:24,334
It's not Mr Slidewell?
551
00:37:28,584 --> 00:37:29,709
Mr Fellowdew?
552
00:37:34,834 --> 00:37:36,501
- It's not Mr Jolly?
- No!
553
00:37:37,626 --> 00:37:39,167
I wasn't anywhere near him.
554
00:37:40,251 --> 00:37:43,209
You realise if you're not licensed,
we're not insured.
555
00:37:44,001 --> 00:37:45,542
12:59.
556
00:37:49,667 --> 00:37:51,584
Phone! Here we are.
557
00:38:02,167 --> 00:38:04,417
10p. Have you got 10p?
558
00:38:13,584 --> 00:38:17,084
All right then, in the third race tipping
number four for a win and number seven...
559
00:38:17,167 --> 00:38:18,751
Sorry!
560
00:39:04,042 --> 00:39:06,001
University of Norwich.
561
00:39:31,834 --> 00:39:34,959
They're vandalising
those phones again, Pat!
562
00:39:35,042 --> 00:39:37,126
All right, Mum, just going!
563
00:39:37,209 --> 00:39:39,917
- When's lunch?
- Now. Granny's just getting it.
564
00:39:40,001 --> 00:39:41,751
Tell Tom and Boo lunch is on the table.
565
00:39:41,834 --> 00:39:44,209
The phones, Pat!
566
00:39:44,917 --> 00:39:46,959
They're at the phones again.
567
00:39:47,917 --> 00:39:49,709
Just put my woolly on.
568
00:39:51,834 --> 00:39:53,626
University of Norwich.
569
00:40:22,251 --> 00:40:23,959
A girl and a boy.
570
00:40:24,042 --> 00:40:27,084
He's showing off his muscles
and she's egging him on.
571
00:40:27,167 --> 00:40:29,792
I'll try and keep them talking
till the police get here.
572
00:40:29,876 --> 00:40:31,276
- Sergeant Potter speaking.
- Yes...
573
00:40:37,251 --> 00:40:38,667
University of Norwich.
574
00:40:38,751 --> 00:40:39,917
Thank God, look...
575
00:40:40,001 --> 00:40:42,209
I'm calling long distance
and I've only got one 10p,
576
00:40:42,292 --> 00:40:44,584
so could you please
take a message and pass it on
577
00:40:44,667 --> 00:40:46,709
to the secretary
of the Headmasters' Conference?
578
00:40:46,792 --> 00:40:47,959
University of Norwich.
579
00:40:48,042 --> 00:40:51,334
Yes, our annual meeting's
being held there. It starts at five.
580
00:40:51,417 --> 00:40:53,657
Would you tell him I was
supposed to be there at three...
581
00:40:53,709 --> 00:40:55,459
Hello. University of Norwich.
582
00:40:55,542 --> 00:40:56,917
Can't you hear me?
583
00:40:57,001 --> 00:40:59,292
I said, would you tell him
I'm going to be slightly...
584
00:40:59,376 --> 00:41:01,209
Put your money in the box, caller.
585
00:41:01,292 --> 00:41:03,292
I've put my money in the box!
586
00:41:03,376 --> 00:41:05,167
It's eaten the money!
587
00:41:05,251 --> 00:41:08,042
I haven't got any more money!
588
00:41:10,084 --> 00:41:11,209
Right!
589
00:41:26,292 --> 00:41:27,417
How old are you?
590
00:41:27,501 --> 00:41:28,667
It's out of order.
591
00:41:31,542 --> 00:41:33,584
I'll tell you how old you are.
592
00:41:34,417 --> 00:41:36,792
You're two years and one day
older than me.
593
00:41:36,876 --> 00:41:39,001
I mean, it took the money and...
594
00:41:40,959 --> 00:41:42,042
Pat?
595
00:41:43,459 --> 00:41:47,042
- Well, fancy meeting you like this!
- Good God!
596
00:41:47,917 --> 00:41:49,751
- You don't live here?
- No, no.
597
00:41:50,584 --> 00:41:52,542
- No, no. No, I'm...
- No, I don't live here.
598
00:41:52,626 --> 00:41:55,459
I don't even live in England.
I'm just seeing my mum.
599
00:41:55,542 --> 00:41:57,501
Isn't that amazing?
600
00:41:57,584 --> 00:41:59,626
- Well...
- Anyway, Brian...
601
00:41:59,709 --> 00:42:02,876
You don't have to tell me what you're
up to these days because I can see.
602
00:42:02,959 --> 00:42:04,501
- You're late!
- No, no.
603
00:42:04,584 --> 00:42:06,334
No, it was the third
telephone box in a row.
604
00:42:06,417 --> 00:42:07,768
Still late for everything, are you, Brian?
605
00:42:07,792 --> 00:42:09,185
No, I'm not late these days,
as a matter of fact...
606
00:42:09,209 --> 00:42:11,876
What was it this time, Brian?
Buses on strike? Got the wrong train?
607
00:42:11,959 --> 00:42:14,209
I'm not late!
608
00:42:14,292 --> 00:42:17,126
- I'd say come and have lunch.
- Uh, unfortunately...
609
00:42:17,209 --> 00:42:19,459
All right, Brian.
Just your luck, isn't it?
610
00:42:19,542 --> 00:42:23,126
Running into someone you haven't seen
for 20 years when you're late already.
611
00:42:23,209 --> 00:42:26,584
No, no, I'm not late.
I'm merely in a hurry.
612
00:42:26,667 --> 00:42:29,209
Well, give me a kiss and I'll let you run.
613
00:42:38,001 --> 00:42:40,084
Lovely to see you again, Brian.
614
00:42:41,334 --> 00:42:43,417
Here, come on, and I'll give
you Mum's number.
615
00:42:43,501 --> 00:42:45,018
You can phone me when you've got a moment.
616
00:42:45,042 --> 00:42:46,542
Oh, right.
617
00:42:46,626 --> 00:42:50,167
You won't believe this, but your dad and I
618
00:42:50,251 --> 00:42:52,310
were at training college together,
and he was late...
619
00:42:52,334 --> 00:42:53,709
Pat, could I make a phone call?
620
00:42:53,792 --> 00:42:56,251
He was late the first time he took me out.
621
00:42:56,334 --> 00:42:57,959
He was late every time he took me out.
622
00:42:58,042 --> 00:43:01,209
He was late the day
he collected his diploma.
623
00:43:01,292 --> 00:43:03,376
Oh, he hasn't told you about all that.
624
00:43:03,459 --> 00:43:06,084
Haven't you told her about
your murky past then?
625
00:43:06,167 --> 00:43:08,042
He's not even listening.
626
00:43:10,459 --> 00:43:13,167
I said you're not even listening.
627
00:43:13,251 --> 00:43:14,626
Suppose not.
628
00:43:18,584 --> 00:43:19,584
Out!
629
00:43:22,542 --> 00:43:26,042
Well, I can see your mind's on
other things. I mustn't hold you up.
630
00:43:26,126 --> 00:43:28,292
Yes, we must be on our way.
631
00:43:28,376 --> 00:43:29,542
No!
632
00:43:29,626 --> 00:43:33,167
Oh! She won't let
poor old Dad drive, will she?
633
00:43:33,251 --> 00:43:35,376
No, I won't!
634
00:43:35,459 --> 00:43:37,792
She's lovely, Brian.
A real glint in her eye.
635
00:43:37,876 --> 00:43:40,376
Yes. Uh, Pat, can you drive?
636
00:43:40,459 --> 00:43:43,001
Great to see you, anyway. Can I drive?
637
00:43:43,084 --> 00:43:44,884
You've passed your test?
You've got a licence?
638
00:43:44,959 --> 00:43:47,626
Yes. What's all this about?
639
00:43:47,709 --> 00:43:51,209
Have a drive! Go on!
See what you think. All right?
640
00:43:52,126 --> 00:43:53,751
Just round the block.
641
00:44:00,042 --> 00:44:02,834
I'd like to know what you think. Come on!
642
00:44:02,917 --> 00:44:04,459
Well, I thought you were late.
643
00:44:04,542 --> 00:44:07,251
Oh, I'm not late!
644
00:44:07,334 --> 00:44:09,334
Funny man you are, Brian.
645
00:44:17,417 --> 00:44:19,334
I haven't driven in this country
for 20 years.
646
00:44:19,417 --> 00:44:20,459
Never mind, off you go.
647
00:44:20,542 --> 00:44:22,251
- Married a dentist down under.
- Right.
648
00:44:22,334 --> 00:44:24,852
Just brought the kids over to stay
with Mum. We were going to have lunch.
649
00:44:24,876 --> 00:44:26,518
- Right. Let's go.
- You've got time for lunch, haven't you?
650
00:44:26,542 --> 00:44:29,209
I bet you're starving.
I've got one your age.
651
00:44:29,292 --> 00:44:31,143
- Well, I am, rather.
- Later, later! Get the drive over first!
652
00:44:31,167 --> 00:44:33,376
All right. Once round the block then.
653
00:44:33,459 --> 00:44:34,959
Close your eyes and pray.
654
00:44:36,417 --> 00:44:39,001
- On the left still, isn't it?
- Right.
655
00:44:39,084 --> 00:44:41,167
- On the right?
- Left, left!
656
00:44:41,251 --> 00:44:42,292
Right.
657
00:44:50,459 --> 00:44:52,667
Stop them! Stop them!
658
00:44:52,751 --> 00:44:54,792
What? They, they did the phone?
659
00:44:54,876 --> 00:44:57,626
The phone, yes, but now they've
kidnapped my daughter.
660
00:44:57,709 --> 00:44:59,251
It's lovely.
661
00:44:59,334 --> 00:45:01,584
- What?
- The car.
662
00:45:02,626 --> 00:45:03,876
Oh, right!
663
00:45:09,709 --> 00:45:13,001
There's perhaps something
not quite right up here somewhere.
664
00:45:13,084 --> 00:45:14,459
That's the wing.
665
00:45:14,542 --> 00:45:16,251
The wing?
666
00:45:16,334 --> 00:45:19,626
He pulled it off. Dad'll kill me.
667
00:45:22,417 --> 00:45:25,417
It's Dad's car. It's not his car.
668
00:45:26,167 --> 00:45:29,959
He's not my father. He's Mr Stimpson.
669
00:45:34,167 --> 00:45:36,584
Why did you tell her I was your daughter?
670
00:45:36,667 --> 00:45:40,292
Um, daughter? Who, me?
No, son. I haven't got a daughter.
671
00:45:43,792 --> 00:45:45,917
What, Laura? Laura's one of my girls.
672
00:45:47,126 --> 00:45:50,959
One of my sixth formers.
She's very kindly driving me to Norwich.
673
00:45:51,042 --> 00:45:53,876
It's a Headmasters' Conference.
I'm a headmaster now.
674
00:45:53,959 --> 00:45:57,126
Yes, well, I'll say goodbye then, Brian.
675
00:45:57,209 --> 00:45:58,834
You can't stop here!
676
00:45:58,917 --> 00:46:01,334
- It's all right, I'll walk back.
- P... Police car.
677
00:46:01,876 --> 00:46:05,143
It's your life, Brian. I don't want to say
anything. I just don't want to get involved.
678
00:46:05,167 --> 00:46:06,626
Keep going, keep going!
679
00:46:06,709 --> 00:46:10,667
We'll be out in the county in a minute.
My children don't know where I am.
680
00:46:10,751 --> 00:46:13,685
- We're just sitting down to lunch.
- It's all right. We'll find a bus stop.
681
00:46:13,709 --> 00:46:15,417
- Find a bus stop?
- Here's a bus stop.
682
00:46:15,501 --> 00:46:17,001
You can't stop at a bus stop!
683
00:46:17,084 --> 00:46:19,334
- Well, where am I going?
- Straight out!
684
00:46:22,501 --> 00:46:23,917
Well done.
685
00:46:24,001 --> 00:46:26,501
- Hooting.
- Oh, don't mind him!
686
00:46:26,584 --> 00:46:30,042
I don't know where we are.
I don't know where we're going!
687
00:46:30,126 --> 00:46:32,459
I'll tell you. Hold on.
688
00:46:36,834 --> 00:46:38,001
It was always the same thing.
689
00:46:38,084 --> 00:46:39,501
You feel sorry for them, don't you?
690
00:46:39,584 --> 00:46:42,209
You'd start off in evening dress
and silver dance shoes,
691
00:46:42,292 --> 00:46:45,209
and end up running, your skirt in
your hand and your heel down a grating.
692
00:46:45,292 --> 00:46:46,972
And then they turn round
and scream at you.
693
00:46:47,001 --> 00:46:50,459
- Next left. Be posted to Northampton.
- Northampton!
694
00:46:50,542 --> 00:46:52,084
We'll put you on the train.
695
00:46:52,167 --> 00:46:53,810
What do you mean,
you'll put me on the train?
696
00:46:53,834 --> 00:46:56,102
They're sitting round the table!
They're waiting to start lunch!
697
00:46:56,126 --> 00:46:57,292
Well, get a move on then!
698
00:46:59,251 --> 00:47:01,042
Put your foot down!
699
00:47:01,126 --> 00:47:03,001
It's like being 19 again.
700
00:47:03,084 --> 00:47:05,001
I hated being 19.
701
00:47:08,126 --> 00:47:10,251
Right, fine.
702
00:47:10,334 --> 00:47:13,876
We shouldn't be doing this kind
of speed, not in a car like this.
703
00:47:13,959 --> 00:47:15,626
Right, right.
704
00:47:16,376 --> 00:47:18,834
Listen to it, it's coming to pieces.
705
00:47:18,917 --> 00:47:20,667
Terrible, terrible.
706
00:47:21,417 --> 00:47:24,001
Now where am I going?
I'm going left, am I?
707
00:47:24,959 --> 00:47:26,334
Right, fine.
708
00:47:26,417 --> 00:47:27,542
Right?
709
00:47:35,334 --> 00:47:37,876
All right, ten minutes
and we'll be in Northampton.
710
00:47:37,959 --> 00:47:39,626
Northampton was left.
711
00:47:39,709 --> 00:47:40,709
That was our turn?
712
00:47:40,792 --> 00:47:42,792
- You said "right".
- I said "left"!
713
00:47:42,876 --> 00:47:45,042
Look, Brian, don't you shout at me!
714
00:47:45,126 --> 00:47:48,792
- Can't anyone tell left from right?
- She's doing her best!
715
00:47:48,876 --> 00:47:52,084
Right. Just take the next left, will you?
716
00:47:52,167 --> 00:47:54,167
I'll get straight out of the car.
717
00:47:54,251 --> 00:47:56,268
You can't get out of the car now
until we get to Northampton.
718
00:47:56,292 --> 00:47:57,334
Always late!
719
00:47:57,417 --> 00:48:00,209
Always trying to make it my fault,
always screaming at me.
720
00:48:00,292 --> 00:48:04,751
I was not screaming,
I was merely saying "left". Left.
721
00:48:04,834 --> 00:48:06,584
And now they've made you headmaster.
722
00:48:06,667 --> 00:48:09,167
It's like putting a shark
in charge of a swimming pool!
723
00:48:09,251 --> 00:48:10,584
Left.
724
00:48:11,126 --> 00:48:12,917
Left.
725
00:48:13,001 --> 00:48:15,209
Left! Left! Left!
726
00:48:18,292 --> 00:48:20,917
What's this? This isn't going anywhere!
727
00:48:21,001 --> 00:48:23,959
It's going back to the Northampton Road.
728
00:48:24,042 --> 00:48:25,751
They'll be out of their minds.
729
00:48:25,834 --> 00:48:31,251
Just keep absolutely calm
and turn left and left again.
730
00:48:31,334 --> 00:48:33,751
So, left here.
731
00:48:34,792 --> 00:48:36,459
Perfect, thank you.
732
00:48:36,542 --> 00:48:37,959
Well done.
733
00:48:38,042 --> 00:48:41,417
Now, we just go round
the next corner and...
734
00:48:47,209 --> 00:48:48,834
Now what?
735
00:48:48,917 --> 00:48:51,584
Don't worry. We just go back.
736
00:48:51,667 --> 00:48:53,167
Back?
737
00:48:53,251 --> 00:48:55,709
Right. Reverse.
738
00:48:55,792 --> 00:48:58,042
How did this happen to me?
739
00:48:59,167 --> 00:49:00,792
In reverse gear.
740
00:49:05,792 --> 00:49:07,917
Put it into reverse.
741
00:49:09,626 --> 00:49:12,167
Show her where reverse is, Laura.
742
00:49:15,167 --> 00:49:19,084
Good, well done. Come on then. Come on.
743
00:49:20,084 --> 00:49:21,334
Come on.
744
00:49:21,417 --> 00:49:23,709
Come on. Well done.
745
00:49:23,792 --> 00:49:25,542
Come on... Stop!
746
00:49:34,792 --> 00:49:37,626
This is a historic moment.
747
00:49:38,459 --> 00:49:42,001
Little did I dream
that I should be sitting here...
748
00:49:46,542 --> 00:49:48,792
When are we going to have lunch?
749
00:49:53,334 --> 00:49:54,917
Into the field.
750
00:49:56,501 --> 00:49:58,834
- Into the field?
- Just do as I say.
751
00:50:18,084 --> 00:50:20,501
We'll get something to eat
in Northampton.
752
00:50:20,584 --> 00:50:22,792
We're going to hit the road
in about 100 yards.
753
00:50:22,876 --> 00:50:24,376
I know this is wrong!
754
00:50:24,459 --> 00:50:26,376
I know it! I know it!
755
00:50:52,292 --> 00:50:54,792
It'll be just beyond that next hedge.
756
00:51:19,626 --> 00:51:21,626
Just beyond the next hedge.
757
00:51:22,459 --> 00:51:24,417
Look, I can see the cars!
758
00:51:24,501 --> 00:51:26,876
I can see them moving. Right then...
759
00:51:26,959 --> 00:51:28,709
There's no track!
760
00:51:28,792 --> 00:51:31,042
We've come to the end of the track.
761
00:51:31,126 --> 00:51:34,209
We don't need a track.
It's grass. Come on!
762
00:52:16,001 --> 00:52:18,292
Perhaps I sound
a little old-fashioned,
763
00:52:18,376 --> 00:52:22,251
but, you know, we live in a world where
time is becoming, not less important,
764
00:52:22,334 --> 00:52:23,584
but ever more so.
765
00:52:23,667 --> 00:52:26,292
Imagine a spacecraft running late.
766
00:52:26,376 --> 00:52:30,042
It might miss its orbit completely
and find itself wandering off
767
00:52:30,126 --> 00:52:32,667
into the trackless depths of the universe.
768
00:52:48,334 --> 00:52:51,209
Nightmare! Nightmare!
769
00:52:51,292 --> 00:52:54,584
Hold it, Pam, hold it.
Let's just have a quiet think.
770
00:52:54,667 --> 00:52:56,334
I'm never going to get home!
771
00:52:56,417 --> 00:52:59,042
Stop it! You'll break the engine!
772
00:53:00,876 --> 00:53:05,501
Thank you. Thank you.
Now, it's five to two.
773
00:53:05,584 --> 00:53:07,626
I'm hungry.
774
00:53:07,709 --> 00:53:10,084
You're hungry? We're all hungry.
775
00:53:10,167 --> 00:53:14,209
We can't eat now because
we're in the middle of a field.
776
00:53:15,001 --> 00:53:18,792
So, we have to adapt to our circumstances.
777
00:53:25,001 --> 00:53:29,251
Now, I wanted to be in Norwich at three
to greet everyone as they arrive.
778
00:53:29,334 --> 00:53:31,292
I can't be there at three,
779
00:53:31,376 --> 00:53:36,376
so instead I want to be there at five
in time to deliver my speech.
780
00:53:37,209 --> 00:53:40,584
This is how mankind has evolved
from the primeval slime,
781
00:53:40,667 --> 00:53:43,334
by adapting to circumstances.
782
00:53:43,417 --> 00:53:47,459
We can't go forwards,
so we'll go backwards instead.
783
00:53:47,542 --> 00:53:50,417
Put it in reverse for her, Laura.
I'll push.
784
00:53:51,751 --> 00:53:54,042
Right? Right.
785
00:54:18,834 --> 00:54:20,126
Huh!
786
00:54:23,001 --> 00:54:25,417
No! Thank you.
787
00:54:26,501 --> 00:54:28,834
Stay here. Don't move.
788
00:55:08,042 --> 00:55:09,959
Excuse me!
789
00:55:10,042 --> 00:55:11,084
Hello!
790
00:55:13,542 --> 00:55:16,417
Uh, can you tell me...? Do you know...?
791
00:55:16,501 --> 00:55:20,459
Um, is there anyone round
here with a tractor?
792
00:55:21,917 --> 00:55:23,626
Won my bet, anyway.
793
00:55:24,917 --> 00:55:26,876
Watched you go down the meadow there.
794
00:55:26,959 --> 00:55:30,042
Bet myself a cheese sandwich
you wouldn't get as far as the bottom.
795
00:55:31,709 --> 00:55:35,501
Right, we're stuck.
We need a tractor to pull us out!
796
00:55:37,126 --> 00:55:42,542
- Havin' a day in the country, are you?
- Not really. Is there a farm near here?
797
00:55:42,626 --> 00:55:44,667
Gettin' close to nature?
798
00:55:44,751 --> 00:55:46,501
Right, right.
799
00:55:46,584 --> 00:55:50,209
We're in rather a hurry, you see.
I have to be in Norwich by five.
800
00:55:50,292 --> 00:55:53,459
Norwich? You're goin' to Norwich?
801
00:55:53,542 --> 00:55:57,126
Yes, so if we can just find a tractor...
802
00:55:57,751 --> 00:56:00,167
What? Shortcut, is it?
803
00:56:00,251 --> 00:56:05,001
Lost our way. So we must
quickly find a tractor.
804
00:56:06,626 --> 00:56:10,501
Well... My advice is this...
805
00:56:14,709 --> 00:56:15,792
Yes?
806
00:56:18,834 --> 00:56:20,834
- If you're goin' this way...
- Yes.
807
00:56:22,792 --> 00:56:25,667
- Find a tractor...
- A tractor, yes.
808
00:56:27,667 --> 00:56:30,292
And stay on the bloody thing
all the way to Norwich.
809
00:56:33,917 --> 00:56:37,292
Thank you. Thank you very much.
810
00:56:39,251 --> 00:56:41,792
- I'll tell you something else...
- Yes, thank you.
811
00:56:42,667 --> 00:56:44,126
Know what I'm sittin' on?
812
00:56:44,209 --> 00:56:45,917
A bomb, I hope.
813
00:56:46,959 --> 00:56:48,792
All right, my old dear.
814
00:56:48,876 --> 00:56:51,209
You look that way and I'll look this.
815
00:56:52,334 --> 00:56:54,667
And I bet you a jam tart...
816
00:56:55,501 --> 00:56:57,667
I find a tractor first.
817
00:57:20,084 --> 00:57:22,376
Headin' for Norwich, I believe?
818
00:57:23,876 --> 00:57:25,167
Some of us.
819
00:57:26,751 --> 00:57:29,334
Dodged the traffic, anyway.
820
00:57:35,876 --> 00:57:38,001
Come on! Come on!
821
00:57:40,251 --> 00:57:43,959
Oh, for God's sake,
turn the record player down.
822
00:57:48,334 --> 00:57:50,501
Ah, right. Um, there you are.
823
00:57:50,584 --> 00:57:53,584
Now, a tractor. I'm looking for a tractor.
824
00:57:53,667 --> 00:57:55,959
You don't have a tractor here, do you?
825
00:57:59,209 --> 00:58:03,459
I'm so sorry, but it is rather urgent.
I have to be in Norwich by...
826
00:58:11,001 --> 00:58:12,876
Of course, a monastery.
827
00:58:13,709 --> 00:58:15,709
I might have guessed.
828
00:58:59,001 --> 00:59:00,751
Have they found a tractor?
829
00:59:03,167 --> 00:59:04,584
Oh.
830
00:59:09,876 --> 00:59:11,709
Well, it doesn't matter.
831
00:59:11,792 --> 00:59:13,751
Wasn't important.
832
00:59:25,292 --> 00:59:29,167
I'm sorry to let them down, that's all.
It doesn't matter to me.
833
00:59:33,292 --> 00:59:34,917
It was important for the school.
834
00:59:35,001 --> 00:59:37,667
Would've meant so much to the children.
835
00:59:39,459 --> 00:59:40,584
Well...
836
00:59:42,792 --> 00:59:44,667
I suppose we couldn't ring for a taxi?
837
00:59:47,876 --> 00:59:49,001
No phone?
838
00:59:54,667 --> 00:59:56,792
It would have meant a lot
to my mother, of course...
839
00:59:59,751 --> 01:00:01,334
if she'd been alive.
840
01:00:03,417 --> 01:00:07,376
I mean, I'd be happy to enter
a monastery and never speak again.
841
01:00:08,459 --> 01:00:10,334
We speak.
842
01:00:12,209 --> 01:00:15,417
I'm sorry, I... I just assumed...
843
01:00:15,501 --> 01:00:17,084
I'm sorry.
844
01:00:32,251 --> 01:00:34,209
What do you think I should do then?
845
01:00:35,834 --> 01:00:37,751
Have a bath, perhaps?
846
01:01:02,376 --> 01:01:03,959
They're women.
847
01:01:09,667 --> 01:01:12,167
Funny ol' boyfriend you girls
have found yourselves.
848
01:01:12,251 --> 01:01:14,667
Takes you off for a bit of nature study
in the country,
849
01:01:14,751 --> 01:01:17,126
then slips off and enters a monastery!
850
01:01:19,542 --> 01:01:22,251
- Right, I'm off.
- Mr Stimpson?
851
01:01:22,334 --> 01:01:23,959
Are you coming with me or aren't you?
852
01:01:24,042 --> 01:01:26,709
- It's our car!
- I'm not waiting.
853
01:01:28,459 --> 01:01:30,167
Mr Stimpson!
854
01:01:32,251 --> 01:01:33,834
Mr Stimpson!
855
01:01:46,584 --> 01:01:48,251
Mr Stimpson!
856
01:01:51,917 --> 01:01:56,376
♪ He who would valiant be
857
01:01:56,459 --> 01:02:00,042
♪ 'Gainst all disaster
858
01:02:00,876 --> 01:02:05,167
♪ Let him in constancy
859
01:02:05,251 --> 01:02:08,834
♪ Follow the Master
860
01:02:10,084 --> 01:02:15,001
♪ There's no discouragement
861
01:02:15,084 --> 01:02:19,667
♪ Shall make him once relent
862
01:02:19,751 --> 01:02:23,459
♪ His first avowed intent
863
01:02:23,542 --> 01:02:26,167
- ♪ To be... ♪
- Mr Stimpson!
864
01:02:35,876 --> 01:02:40,459
- ♪ Do but themselves confound ♪
- Mr Stimpson!
865
01:02:41,501 --> 01:02:43,501
Quick, where are you?
866
01:02:44,792 --> 01:02:46,751
It's your friend, she won't wait!
867
01:02:46,834 --> 01:02:48,667
They can't find a tractor.
868
01:02:48,751 --> 01:02:51,126
We've got one. It's pulled us out.
869
01:02:52,709 --> 01:02:54,792
What are you doing?
870
01:02:54,876 --> 01:02:56,459
I'm having a bath.
871
01:02:56,542 --> 01:02:58,084
You've got one?
872
01:02:58,167 --> 01:03:00,417
- She's going!
- I'll be right down.
873
01:03:16,042 --> 01:03:17,084
Well?
874
01:03:17,167 --> 01:03:19,084
He's having a bath.
875
01:03:19,167 --> 01:03:23,292
A bath? Why not a sauna
and massage as well?
876
01:03:23,376 --> 01:03:24,501
Again!
877
01:03:30,209 --> 01:03:32,084
Mr Stimpson?
878
01:03:32,167 --> 01:03:33,542
Where is she?
879
01:03:34,292 --> 01:03:38,709
She's gone. I said,
"He's having a bath," and she went.
880
01:03:39,584 --> 01:03:41,459
Stop her!
881
01:03:41,542 --> 01:03:43,584
It's our car!
882
01:03:51,667 --> 01:03:53,501
Come on! Come on!
883
01:03:58,584 --> 01:04:00,542
End of the lane!
884
01:04:23,917 --> 01:04:26,584
Ah, can't! Can't!
885
01:04:26,667 --> 01:04:28,584
Sandals!
886
01:04:30,084 --> 01:04:32,959
We found the... the road, anyway.
887
01:04:36,417 --> 01:04:38,542
It's not the despair, Laura.
888
01:04:39,417 --> 01:04:42,292
I can stand the despair, it's the hope!
889
01:04:45,334 --> 01:04:46,834
There!
890
01:04:57,626 --> 01:05:04,584
Blue Morris 1100, registration number
Romeo Delta X-Ray 364 Juliet.
891
01:05:05,459 --> 01:05:10,084
We've also got Mrs Garden,
reported missing, believed kidnapped.
892
01:05:10,167 --> 01:05:12,542
State of shock,
otherwise appears all right.
893
01:05:12,626 --> 01:05:13,959
No sign of the girl.
894
01:05:14,042 --> 01:05:15,709
She's at the monastery.
895
01:05:16,501 --> 01:05:18,667
Oh, she's apparently in a monastery.
896
01:05:18,751 --> 01:05:20,792
No sign of the male suspect.
897
01:05:20,876 --> 01:05:22,334
He's in the bath.
898
01:05:23,292 --> 01:05:24,959
He's in the bath.
899
01:05:25,042 --> 01:05:26,417
In the monastery?
900
01:05:28,209 --> 01:05:30,584
In the bath, in a monastery.
901
01:05:31,792 --> 01:05:34,126
It's gonna take a bit of sorting out,
this one!
902
01:05:34,209 --> 01:05:36,334
We'll bring Mrs Garden in, anyway.
903
01:05:36,417 --> 01:05:38,709
We're charging her with
taking and driving away,
904
01:05:38,792 --> 01:05:41,334
driving a vehicle in
an unroadworthy condition,
905
01:05:41,417 --> 01:05:45,376
exceeding the speed limit
and assaulting a police officer.
906
01:05:48,042 --> 01:05:49,584
Nearly there!
907
01:05:51,542 --> 01:05:53,834
One little slip, Laura, that's all.
908
01:05:54,876 --> 01:05:57,084
Said "right", meant "left".
909
01:05:57,917 --> 01:05:59,417
One word!
910
01:06:00,376 --> 01:06:01,542
Going!
911
01:06:06,209 --> 01:06:07,459
Gone!
912
01:06:25,126 --> 01:06:27,709
I've lied for this, Laura, I've stolen.
913
01:06:29,209 --> 01:06:31,459
I've taken you out of school.
914
01:06:34,167 --> 01:06:36,542
Well, I suppose this is
a form of education.
915
01:06:36,626 --> 01:06:38,667
It's an education for me, Laura.
916
01:06:40,126 --> 01:06:41,834
You still haven't had any lunch.
917
01:06:44,584 --> 01:06:46,167
We'll get something.
918
01:06:49,876 --> 01:06:51,417
In your suit.
919
01:06:56,292 --> 01:06:57,667
In the bathroom.
920
01:06:57,751 --> 01:07:00,167
Even lost the time.
921
01:07:19,792 --> 01:07:23,042
He's only a third in geography,
but he can read a balance sheet.
922
01:07:23,126 --> 01:07:26,501
Our merchant bankers
thought we could reckon on 15%.
923
01:07:26,584 --> 01:07:29,917
The Old Boys' Association raised
a quarter of a million in three months.
924
01:07:30,001 --> 01:07:32,542
You know, our people suggested
floating the school off.
925
01:07:32,626 --> 01:07:35,292
We're offering an A-level
in classic Arabic, of course.
926
01:07:35,376 --> 01:07:38,584
And we hope the school mosque
will finished in time for Ramadan.
927
01:07:38,667 --> 01:07:40,834
That's one in the eye for Millfield,
anyway.
928
01:07:40,917 --> 01:07:43,959
We're also planning
a Deutsche Mark offshore fund.
929
01:07:44,042 --> 01:07:47,042
We have to be prepared
for any political eventuality.
930
01:07:47,126 --> 01:07:50,709
We do have the same accountants
as Mick Jagger, so I hope it won't be...
931
01:07:50,792 --> 01:07:54,792
So anyway an air crew came down and
checked out our security arrangements,
932
01:07:54,876 --> 01:07:57,167
with particular reference to the bombs.
933
01:07:57,251 --> 01:07:59,042
Did you ring the school?
934
01:07:59,126 --> 01:08:01,084
They say he left at ten.
935
01:08:01,167 --> 01:08:03,584
He said he was going to be here by three.
936
01:08:07,042 --> 01:08:10,417
I'm sorry. I... I'm... just...
937
01:08:11,834 --> 01:08:14,042
I don't know whether...
938
01:08:15,459 --> 01:08:17,959
Extraordinary appointments
some governors make these days.
939
01:08:19,376 --> 01:08:21,334
Or is that the state sector?
940
01:08:21,417 --> 01:08:24,501
Chap over there came on
a motorcycle by the look of it.
941
01:08:24,584 --> 01:08:25,709
What?
942
01:08:29,167 --> 01:08:30,334
Good God!
943
01:08:30,417 --> 01:08:32,334
It's some woman!
944
01:08:32,417 --> 01:08:35,709
- How did she get in?
- Excuse me.
945
01:08:35,792 --> 01:08:39,126
And at Easter, I'm taking
the Classical Sixth to Jamaica.
946
01:08:40,001 --> 01:08:41,292
Can I help you at all?
947
01:08:41,376 --> 01:08:43,751
- Where is she? Where's Laura?
- I'm sorry?
948
01:08:43,834 --> 01:08:46,626
Our daughter! He's going mad.
He'll have one of his attacks.
949
01:08:46,709 --> 01:08:48,626
Oh! Oh, dear. Your daughter?
950
01:08:48,709 --> 01:08:51,792
Well, let's go and have
a look for her, shall we?
951
01:08:51,876 --> 01:08:55,542
I'm sorry, someone should've explained.
We don't bring wives and families.
952
01:08:55,626 --> 01:08:57,834
Wives? No, you have 18-year-old girls
953
01:08:57,917 --> 01:09:00,626
who are doing their A-levels.
I've never heard anything like it!
954
01:09:00,709 --> 01:09:03,584
Yes, well, let's go upstairs
and discuss it in peace, shall we?
955
01:09:03,667 --> 01:09:05,147
And where is he? Where's Mr Stimpson?
956
01:09:05,209 --> 01:09:06,876
Mr Stimpson?
957
01:09:06,959 --> 01:09:10,167
Ah! Mr Stimpson. Well...
958
01:09:10,251 --> 01:09:12,727
I think you'll like our new prospectus.
It's being done by Saatchi & Saatchi.
959
01:09:12,751 --> 01:09:14,001
Excuse me one moment.
960
01:09:14,084 --> 01:09:17,751
Anyway, we're hoping the new solarium
will give our sixth form a bit more appeal
961
01:09:17,834 --> 01:09:19,602
- at the top end of the market.
- I'm so sorry.
962
01:09:19,626 --> 01:09:22,751
Would you take these good people upstairs,
963
01:09:22,834 --> 01:09:24,917
to the room along the corridor
on the left?
964
01:09:25,001 --> 01:09:26,584
Terrific! Delighted!
965
01:09:26,667 --> 01:09:30,209
See that they have some tea.
I'll be with you in one moment.
966
01:09:31,001 --> 01:09:32,042
Can I help you?
967
01:09:32,126 --> 01:09:34,102
- I'm looking for Mr Stimpson.
- Do you both take sugar?
968
01:09:34,126 --> 01:09:36,751
Oh, we're all looking for Mr Stimpson.
Come with me.
969
01:09:36,834 --> 01:09:37,876
Won't be a moment, okay?
970
01:09:37,959 --> 01:09:39,959
So of course I said,
"I don't drink sherry.
971
01:09:40,042 --> 01:09:42,292
I'm a total abstainer,
as you very well know.
972
01:09:42,376 --> 01:09:45,084
But I do not see why the sherry glasses
973
01:09:45,167 --> 01:09:46,959
should go to Pam just because she drinks."
974
01:09:47,042 --> 01:09:48,584
Why don't you have a cup of tea?
975
01:09:48,667 --> 01:09:50,834
I told you to stay in the car!
976
01:09:50,917 --> 01:09:53,501
Oh, you're another of
Mr Stimpson's party, are you?
977
01:09:53,584 --> 01:09:57,751
Pour them some tea and take them upstairs,
the room along the corridor on the left.
978
01:09:57,834 --> 01:09:58,834
Very well.
979
01:09:58,876 --> 01:10:00,251
What are you doing here?
980
01:10:00,334 --> 01:10:05,251
Oh, I'm just...
I'll... fetch you a cup of...
981
01:10:08,209 --> 01:10:11,959
- Ah, here we are.
- Excuse me.
982
01:10:12,042 --> 01:10:14,209
He seems to have brought
his entire family.
983
01:10:14,292 --> 01:10:15,876
There's another one here.
984
01:10:15,959 --> 01:10:18,834
Let me guess,
you're looking for Mr Stimpson.
985
01:10:18,917 --> 01:10:21,084
I'm looking for the head doctor.
986
01:10:21,167 --> 01:10:23,626
Well, let's see what we can find upstairs.
987
01:10:24,584 --> 01:10:26,209
Mr Stimpson?
988
01:10:27,251 --> 01:10:28,792
Am I?
989
01:10:28,876 --> 01:10:31,584
I don't know where I am or what I am.
990
01:10:31,667 --> 01:10:33,334
I know the feeling.
991
01:10:37,209 --> 01:10:39,369
Why don't you both make yourselves
comfortable in here?
992
01:10:40,584 --> 01:10:43,209
I'll bring Mr Stimpson to you
just as soon as I've found him.
993
01:10:43,292 --> 01:10:45,834
Terrible bore, I know,
but it is a private meeting.
994
01:10:46,834 --> 01:10:51,126
"As a matter of fact," I said,
"it would be an unfair temptation
995
01:10:51,209 --> 01:10:53,334
to put a sherry glass in her hand."
996
01:10:53,417 --> 01:10:55,084
Mr Stimpson's party?
997
01:10:55,167 --> 01:10:57,459
In here. In here.
998
01:10:59,792 --> 01:11:01,542
Two more for you!
999
01:11:02,251 --> 01:11:04,667
Terrific! Super!
1000
01:11:05,376 --> 01:11:07,501
This is the most exciting day!
1001
01:11:08,626 --> 01:11:10,292
Sit down!
1002
01:11:12,751 --> 01:11:15,501
Detective Sergeant Rice, Norwich CID.
1003
01:11:15,584 --> 01:11:17,959
I believe you have
a Mr Brian Stimpson here.
1004
01:11:19,417 --> 01:11:20,709
Nothing wrong, I hope.
1005
01:11:20,792 --> 01:11:22,185
We'd just like a word with him, sir.
1006
01:11:22,209 --> 01:11:25,626
Well, he hasn't arrived yet.
We're, um... We're waiting for him.
1007
01:11:25,709 --> 01:11:27,792
We'll wait too then, if we may.
1008
01:11:29,251 --> 01:11:31,001
I'll bring you some tea.
1009
01:11:32,334 --> 01:11:34,584
Stimpson supporters' club? In here.
1010
01:11:38,376 --> 01:11:39,876
Do you take sugar?
1011
01:11:42,834 --> 01:11:45,667
- Police looking for him now.
- Oh, no!
1012
01:11:46,834 --> 01:11:48,084
Little boys?
1013
01:11:49,959 --> 01:11:51,751
Well, if he's not here by five...
1014
01:11:52,876 --> 01:11:55,626
I suppose one of us could say a few words.
1015
01:11:56,417 --> 01:11:58,834
Yes, I could have a go, if you like.
1016
01:11:58,917 --> 01:12:00,959
Something about money, perhaps?
1017
01:12:01,042 --> 01:12:03,042
Usually a reliable standby.
1018
01:12:03,126 --> 01:12:05,501
I hope he's not lying in some ditch.
1019
01:12:06,376 --> 01:12:08,042
Oh, absolutely.
1020
01:12:09,959 --> 01:12:13,501
It was going to be the start of so much,
Laura. I was going to go into politics.
1021
01:12:13,584 --> 01:12:15,459
I used to think...
1022
01:12:15,542 --> 01:12:19,209
"When I become Secretary of State
for Education..."
1023
01:12:20,584 --> 01:12:23,001
Yes.
1024
01:12:23,084 --> 01:12:24,376
Don't laugh!
1025
01:12:35,501 --> 01:12:37,334
I thought I didn't mind.
1026
01:12:40,167 --> 01:12:43,876
When I was in the monastery, I thought
I'd resigned myself to it, but really...
1027
01:12:45,042 --> 01:12:47,834
I knew I'd still got time, you see.
1028
01:12:49,209 --> 01:12:51,501
Funny how you always know secretly
1029
01:12:51,584 --> 01:12:54,501
when the last moment is
and when it's gone.
1030
01:12:57,459 --> 01:12:59,001
And now it has...
1031
01:13:01,417 --> 01:13:03,709
I mind, Laura.
1032
01:13:04,751 --> 01:13:06,209
I mind.
1033
01:13:16,792 --> 01:13:19,834
- Mr Stimpson!
- Perhaps I could just...
1034
01:13:20,459 --> 01:13:21,876
lie here.
1035
01:13:21,959 --> 01:13:23,459
Mr Stimpson!
1036
01:13:26,792 --> 01:13:27,792
Wait!
1037
01:13:40,584 --> 01:13:42,376
Come on then, darling. What's the trouble?
1038
01:13:42,459 --> 01:13:44,042
Does this seat tip up?
1039
01:13:44,126 --> 01:13:48,167
Don't worry about the car. It's brand new.
Only got 12 miles on the clock.
1040
01:13:48,251 --> 01:13:49,792
What? Do you pull this lever?
1041
01:13:49,876 --> 01:13:52,001
Hang about! What's...
1042
01:13:52,084 --> 01:13:54,334
- What's all this?
- We're together.
1043
01:13:54,417 --> 01:13:55,834
I don't believe this!
1044
01:13:55,917 --> 01:13:57,251
He's got to get to Norwich.
1045
01:13:57,334 --> 01:14:01,042
Well, I've seen them pull
some stunts, but... a monk?
1046
01:14:06,584 --> 01:14:10,001
Okay. A monk! What can I do?
1047
01:14:21,001 --> 01:14:23,542
I'm surprised at you though, Father.
1048
01:14:23,626 --> 01:14:27,501
Putting a bird out at the side of the road,
hiding in the ditch.
1049
01:14:27,584 --> 01:14:30,959
Does your Father Superior
know you travel round like this?
1050
01:14:32,709 --> 01:14:35,376
Funny! You!
1051
01:14:35,459 --> 01:14:38,167
Speech? Like that?
1052
01:14:39,709 --> 01:14:40,751
What?
1053
01:14:54,042 --> 01:14:57,417
Frankly, Father, I'm shocked,
do you know that?
1054
01:14:57,501 --> 01:14:59,876
I'm not easily shocked, but I'm shocked.
1055
01:14:59,959 --> 01:15:01,751
- Can we stop?
- What?
1056
01:15:01,834 --> 01:15:04,626
Stop a moment. By these trees.
1057
01:15:12,209 --> 01:15:13,792
What's the trouble?
1058
01:15:13,876 --> 01:15:17,126
- Go for a little walk.
- Go for a walk?
1059
01:15:17,209 --> 01:15:18,876
In the woods.
1060
01:15:20,001 --> 01:15:22,792
You... You wanna go for a walk?
1061
01:15:22,876 --> 01:15:24,501
Don't you want to come?
1062
01:15:25,376 --> 01:15:27,751
What, you mean? What?
1063
01:15:27,834 --> 01:15:29,709
No one around!
1064
01:15:32,876 --> 01:15:34,876
Well, this beats everything.
1065
01:15:35,876 --> 01:15:38,542
Sorry about this, Father.
Five minutes, that's all.
1066
01:15:38,626 --> 01:15:40,376
Pick a few flowers.
1067
01:15:44,667 --> 01:15:46,709
- Come on then.
- Him?!
1068
01:15:46,792 --> 01:15:48,584
Oh, no!
1069
01:15:48,667 --> 01:15:50,876
Do you want him to come?
You want Father there?
1070
01:15:50,959 --> 01:15:54,001
Come on! The sun's out.
1071
01:16:00,626 --> 01:16:02,751
It's a funny old world, isn't it?
1072
01:16:12,001 --> 01:16:15,709
Look, I'll be frank, I'm out of my depth.
1073
01:16:17,834 --> 01:16:19,667
We could take our clothes off.
1074
01:16:33,834 --> 01:16:34,959
Go on then.
1075
01:16:35,042 --> 01:16:36,084
You first.
1076
01:16:45,584 --> 01:16:47,042
Go on.
1077
01:16:55,626 --> 01:16:57,042
Shoes.
1078
01:17:02,334 --> 01:17:03,584
Now you.
1079
01:17:04,501 --> 01:17:07,251
Now, Mr Stimpson.
1080
01:17:08,542 --> 01:17:10,626
Come on then.
1081
01:17:12,542 --> 01:17:14,959
Oh, now look, I'm not doing a solo.
1082
01:17:31,001 --> 01:17:32,917
Come on, be a monk.
1083
01:17:58,709 --> 01:17:59,792
Hey!
1084
01:18:04,542 --> 01:18:06,542
Key! Find the key!
1085
01:18:09,542 --> 01:18:13,001
I knew it! I knew it was a stunt
the moment he got in the car!
1086
01:18:15,792 --> 01:18:17,584
Give it to me! Give it to me!
1087
01:18:23,167 --> 01:18:26,251
Give me that suit!
300 quid that suit cost me.
1088
01:18:29,251 --> 01:18:30,251
Ooh!
1089
01:18:31,501 --> 01:18:34,667
You've torn it. Monk? Monk?!
1090
01:18:34,751 --> 01:18:37,751
You've torn the sleeve
off a 300-guinea suit.
1091
01:18:39,626 --> 01:18:41,584
Oh, no! Not the car!
1092
01:18:43,959 --> 01:18:47,667
It's not mine! It's a customer's.
It's not insured.
1093
01:18:49,334 --> 01:18:50,917
Aaaaagh!
1094
01:18:53,584 --> 01:18:55,376
No, please!
1095
01:18:55,459 --> 01:18:58,667
Please, don't drive! Come back!
1096
01:19:06,751 --> 01:19:09,751
I knew it. From the moment
she stuck her thumb up.
1097
01:19:15,709 --> 01:19:18,959
Don't worry about the sleeve.
We'll get some Sellotape.
1098
01:19:19,042 --> 01:19:21,667
We've got some money now.
1099
01:19:21,751 --> 01:19:24,001
Feel in the pockets. How much have we got?
1100
01:19:29,042 --> 01:19:31,751
Oh, look! Hundreds and hundreds!
1101
01:19:31,834 --> 01:19:34,126
We could do anything.
1102
01:19:34,209 --> 01:19:36,626
We could get Chinese takeaways.
1103
01:19:37,876 --> 01:19:39,917
I saw this film on television once.
1104
01:19:40,001 --> 01:19:42,810
There was this bloke and this girl, and
they went round everywhere in this car,
1105
01:19:42,834 --> 01:19:44,751
robbing these banks and things!
1106
01:19:44,834 --> 01:19:46,626
Did you see that, Mr Stimpson?
1107
01:19:53,542 --> 01:19:58,084
Don't worry, I'll get you there.
I'm a better driver than her, anyway.
1108
01:20:01,084 --> 01:20:03,334
We should have taken his watch as well.
1109
01:20:04,251 --> 01:20:06,084
Do you know what's worrying me?
1110
01:20:06,834 --> 01:20:09,751
The way I always seem to
get involved with older men.
1111
01:20:38,376 --> 01:20:40,917
No point in waiting beyond five, is there?
1112
01:20:41,001 --> 01:20:45,501
No. I'm going to talk about charitable
status and moral leadership.
1113
01:20:49,167 --> 01:20:52,084
Why can't he keep those
damned women locked up?
1114
01:20:56,876 --> 01:20:58,251
So kind of you.
1115
01:20:59,126 --> 01:21:01,251
In everyone's way, as usual.
1116
01:21:02,667 --> 01:21:04,334
I'll just sit myself down.
1117
01:21:06,251 --> 01:21:09,376
Oh, dear. Lost again, are we?
1118
01:21:09,459 --> 01:21:10,959
Quite, quite lost.
1119
01:21:11,042 --> 01:21:13,167
Let's see if we can find your friends.
1120
01:21:13,251 --> 01:21:15,084
Excuse me, but I am not shouting at you!
1121
01:21:15,167 --> 01:21:16,626
Excuse me, but you are!
1122
01:21:16,709 --> 01:21:20,042
Excuse me, but I'm merely trying to get
it into your head that he is not here.
1123
01:21:20,126 --> 01:21:22,751
- Oh, here they all are!
- So when will he be here?
1124
01:21:22,834 --> 01:21:23,666
I don't know!
1125
01:21:23,667 --> 01:21:25,501
Debating about which word to do?
1126
01:21:25,584 --> 01:21:28,376
Can't you stop these people
wandering into the hall?
1127
01:21:28,459 --> 01:21:30,268
No, I can't. They keep
wanting to go to the loo.
1128
01:21:30,292 --> 01:21:34,042
Mrs Wheel needs to go to the ladies.
1129
01:21:34,126 --> 01:21:35,768
Do you see? And then they don't come back.
1130
01:21:35,792 --> 01:21:38,001
Call yourself a doctor?
1131
01:21:39,042 --> 01:21:41,376
Get me someone to escort them to the loo.
1132
01:21:41,459 --> 01:21:42,751
Oh, we're off again, are we?
1133
01:21:42,834 --> 01:21:44,667
Not you, you've been.
1134
01:21:46,501 --> 01:21:49,251
Detective Inspector Laundryman,
Regional Crime Squad.
1135
01:21:50,167 --> 01:21:51,251
Stimpson?
1136
01:21:51,334 --> 01:21:53,834
- Thought I'd have a few words with him.
- In here.
1137
01:21:53,917 --> 01:21:56,501
- Stimpson?
- What are you doing here, George?
1138
01:21:56,584 --> 01:21:57,626
Stimpson.
1139
01:21:57,709 --> 01:21:59,084
Taking and driving and assault?
1140
01:21:59,167 --> 01:22:01,626
No, taking and driving and kidnapping.
1141
01:22:01,709 --> 01:22:03,334
Right, inside then.
1142
01:22:04,834 --> 01:22:08,417
- What's going on here, George?
- And let's keep the door closed.
1143
01:22:10,209 --> 01:22:11,542
Er, gentlemen...
1144
01:22:12,917 --> 01:22:16,834
Gentlemen, if I might have
your attention for one moment.
1145
01:22:16,917 --> 01:22:18,126
Thank you.
1146
01:22:19,126 --> 01:22:21,459
And now the time is...
1147
01:22:22,584 --> 01:22:28,167
is exactly five o'clock, and I'm afraid
I have some bad news for you.
1148
01:22:28,251 --> 01:22:30,876
Our chairman, Mr Stimpson...
1149
01:22:31,917 --> 01:22:33,626
is here.
1150
01:23:15,001 --> 01:23:18,167
This is a historic moment.
1151
01:23:19,792 --> 01:23:22,542
I stand before you today
as your new chairman,
1152
01:23:22,626 --> 01:23:28,334
something that some of us never
expected to see happen in our lifetime.
1153
01:23:29,584 --> 01:23:31,959
We have come a long way together
1154
01:23:32,042 --> 01:23:34,584
to be where we are today.
1155
01:23:36,251 --> 01:23:37,376
A long way.
1156
01:23:37,917 --> 01:23:39,126
Who is she?
1157
01:23:39,209 --> 01:23:40,876
A long, long way.
1158
01:23:42,626 --> 01:23:47,126
And at this point,
I should perhaps explain that
1159
01:23:47,209 --> 01:23:51,751
during the course of my journey
I have become separated...
1160
01:23:52,626 --> 01:23:55,126
separated from the text of my speech.
1161
01:23:55,209 --> 01:23:59,626
So I hope you will forgive me
if I am a little disconnected.
1162
01:24:10,209 --> 01:24:11,542
Right.
1163
01:24:12,501 --> 01:24:15,959
So I stand here today
and I look out there,
1164
01:24:16,042 --> 01:24:18,167
and what do I see?
1165
01:24:31,792 --> 01:24:33,292
I see myself.
1166
01:24:34,001 --> 01:24:36,167
I see myself as I was then...
1167
01:24:38,167 --> 01:24:42,959
an obscure master from
an overawed comprehensive school.
1168
01:24:47,084 --> 01:24:49,709
Right. So, what was I doing there?
1169
01:24:50,834 --> 01:24:53,251
I was amazed to find herself...
1170
01:24:53,334 --> 01:24:55,834
I was amazed to find myself
1171
01:24:55,917 --> 01:24:59,667
invited to become one of your
very select handful
1172
01:24:59,751 --> 01:25:01,709
of additional women.
1173
01:25:05,251 --> 01:25:10,042
And I was even more amazed still
at what I was listening to,
1174
01:25:10,126 --> 01:25:13,959
because what I was listening to was...
1175
01:25:18,417 --> 01:25:20,417
Well, come in then if you're coming!
1176
01:25:20,501 --> 01:25:23,126
No, because what I was listening to was...
1177
01:25:25,709 --> 01:25:28,084
Are there any more of you out there?
1178
01:25:41,084 --> 01:25:43,459
All right. Find yourselves
somewhere to sit.
1179
01:25:49,292 --> 01:25:50,376
Right.
1180
01:25:50,459 --> 01:25:55,751
There I was listening to the headmasters
of schools with great and glorious names.
1181
01:25:59,584 --> 01:26:00,792
So kind of you.
1182
01:26:05,709 --> 01:26:07,126
Oh, sit down!
1183
01:26:09,834 --> 01:26:12,292
Yes, we're all waiting for you!
1184
01:26:17,751 --> 01:26:19,292
Thank you.
1185
01:26:20,917 --> 01:26:23,126
Right, so there I was,
1186
01:26:23,209 --> 01:26:27,959
listening to the headmasters of schools
with great and glorious names as they,
1187
01:26:28,042 --> 01:26:29,542
uh...
1188
01:26:30,584 --> 01:26:35,292
kicked round a variety of weighty topics,
1189
01:26:35,376 --> 01:26:40,751
as they expatiated upon
a variety of... of weighty balls.
1190
01:26:44,334 --> 01:26:46,959
I'm glad someone finds that funny.
1191
01:26:47,042 --> 01:26:48,882
Did he say what I think he said?
1192
01:26:48,917 --> 01:26:51,042
There's no need to whisper.
1193
01:26:51,126 --> 01:26:54,459
Please come up here and explain
the joke to the entire school.
1194
01:26:57,084 --> 01:26:58,501
And who's that creaking?
1195
01:27:01,751 --> 01:27:03,959
Come on, come on. Let's get it over with.
1196
01:27:04,042 --> 01:27:06,084
There's a seat down here, look.
1197
01:27:15,542 --> 01:27:17,542
Long way to Norwich, was it?
1198
01:27:19,917 --> 01:27:21,876
Long way to that seat, too.
1199
01:27:27,917 --> 01:27:31,334
Make yourself comfortable then.
Get all the creaking over.
1200
01:27:34,334 --> 01:27:35,417
No rush.
1201
01:27:35,501 --> 01:27:38,042
We've got all the time in the world.
1202
01:27:39,126 --> 01:27:41,251
Time! Right, because I should like,
1203
01:27:41,334 --> 01:27:44,584
before I pass on,
before I pass on to other matters,
1204
01:27:44,667 --> 01:27:47,126
to sound a note of warning.
1205
01:27:50,084 --> 01:27:52,126
And still they come.
1206
01:27:52,917 --> 01:27:57,167
I was just talking, you might be
interested to hear, about time.
1207
01:27:57,251 --> 01:28:01,292
I was going to say that
we all understood that lateness
1208
01:28:01,376 --> 01:28:03,792
was a discourtesy to others.
1209
01:28:03,876 --> 01:28:06,501
But I'm beginning to wonder.
1210
01:28:07,751 --> 01:28:10,376
You're beginning to wonder too, are you?
1211
01:28:10,459 --> 01:28:14,501
So perhaps the rest of us could
turn round and face the front,
1212
01:28:14,584 --> 01:28:16,917
and we'll all wonder together.
1213
01:28:18,417 --> 01:28:20,167
Right, thank you.
1214
01:28:20,251 --> 01:28:22,709
Because I am beginning to wonder
1215
01:28:22,792 --> 01:28:25,751
if I'd be the only person in the world
1216
01:28:25,834 --> 01:28:30,292
who'd be slightly surprised
if the tide came wandering in
1217
01:28:30,376 --> 01:28:32,834
half an hour after the lesson had started,
1218
01:28:32,917 --> 01:28:34,542
slammed all the doors,
1219
01:28:34,626 --> 01:28:37,501
and stood there gazing round the room
1220
01:28:37,584 --> 01:28:39,917
trying to find some chums to sit next to
1221
01:28:40,001 --> 01:28:41,542
while the rest of us
1222
01:28:41,626 --> 01:28:44,459
patiently wait to get on
with the day's events.
1223
01:28:44,542 --> 01:28:48,417
Perhaps I sound a little old-fashioned,
but imagine a spacecraft
1224
01:28:48,501 --> 01:28:54,417
that was endlessly interrupted
by latecomers and flapping doors.
1225
01:28:56,167 --> 01:29:00,792
It might just possibly go completely mad!
1226
01:29:01,584 --> 01:29:03,251
It might just possibly
1227
01:29:03,334 --> 01:29:06,209
lift off the launch pad and go
1228
01:29:06,292 --> 01:29:09,667
streaming off into the depths
of the universe,
1229
01:29:09,751 --> 01:29:13,917
and never be seen again
until the end of time!
1230
01:30:05,167 --> 01:30:08,167
Right. Hymn 122,
1231
01:30:08,251 --> 01:30:10,709
"He Who Would Valiant Be".
1232
01:30:43,376 --> 01:30:44,667
Hopeless.
1233
01:30:54,042 --> 01:30:58,751
♪ He who would valiant be
1234
01:30:59,584 --> 01:31:04,084
♪ Gainst all disaster
1235
01:31:04,876 --> 01:31:10,376
♪ Let him in constancy
1236
01:31:10,459 --> 01:31:14,667
♪ Follow the Master
1237
01:31:15,834 --> 01:31:21,126
♪ There's no discouragement
1238
01:31:21,792 --> 01:31:26,251
♪ Shall make him once relent
1239
01:31:26,834 --> 01:31:31,126
♪ His first avowed intent
1240
01:31:31,209 --> 01:31:34,167
♪ To be a pilgrim ♪
1241
01:31:34,251 --> 01:31:36,459
Mr Stimpson!
1242
01:31:36,542 --> 01:31:41,501
♪ Who so beset him round
1243
01:31:41,584 --> 01:31:46,167
♪ With dismal stories
1244
01:31:46,251 --> 01:31:51,251
♪ Do but themselves confound
1245
01:31:51,334 --> 01:31:55,667
♪ His strength the more is... ♪
1246
01:32:01,167 --> 01:32:02,417
Excuse me, sir.
1247
01:32:02,501 --> 01:32:04,292
Mr Stimpson? Mr Stimpson?
1248
01:32:04,376 --> 01:32:06,584
Brian! Brian, stay there.
1249
01:32:06,667 --> 01:32:10,959
- Mr Stimpson!
- Laura! Laura!
1250
01:32:11,042 --> 01:32:12,126
Excuse me!
1251
01:32:12,209 --> 01:32:14,042
Are you Mr Brian Stimpson of...
1252
01:32:20,792 --> 01:32:22,667
Look, do you have kids?
1253
01:32:22,751 --> 01:32:25,334
- I want to have a word with my husband.
- Get her out of there!
1254
01:32:25,417 --> 01:32:29,084
♪ This is my lovely day!
1255
01:32:29,917 --> 01:32:33,667
♪ This is my lovely day!
1256
01:32:33,751 --> 01:32:37,417
♪ This is the day I will remember
1257
01:32:37,501 --> 01:32:40,626
♪ The day I'm dying
1258
01:32:40,709 --> 01:32:44,417
♪ They can't take this away
1259
01:32:44,501 --> 01:32:47,542
♪ It will be always mine
1260
01:32:47,626 --> 01:32:49,917
♪ The sun and the wine
1261
01:32:50,001 --> 01:32:53,167
- ♪ The seabirds flying... ♪
- Would you just come this way, please?
1262
01:32:53,251 --> 01:32:56,209
Now, look, will you please look after her?
1263
01:32:56,292 --> 01:32:58,876
She's your responsibility.
Thank you very much.
1264
01:33:01,376 --> 01:33:02,876
Dad!
1265
01:33:02,959 --> 01:33:05,376
- Dad, help!
- Where are they going now?
1266
01:33:05,459 --> 01:33:08,626
Both seen driving away
a silver Porsche sports coupe.
1267
01:33:08,709 --> 01:33:10,667
Furthermore, there are also
1268
01:33:10,751 --> 01:33:14,209
various charges relating to the theft
of certain items of gents' clothing,
1269
01:33:14,292 --> 01:33:17,917
including an ecclesiastical vestment,
and of a wallet containing
1270
01:33:18,001 --> 01:33:21,251
approximately £1,230 in cash.
1271
01:33:21,334 --> 01:33:23,084
Do you wish to say anything?
1272
01:33:23,167 --> 01:33:25,751
You're not obliged to say anything
unless you wish to do so,
1273
01:33:25,834 --> 01:33:29,792
but whatever you say will be taken down
in writing and may be given in evidence.
1274
01:33:29,876 --> 01:33:31,584
Go right, right!
1275
01:33:33,667 --> 01:33:36,542
- Right? Eh?
- No, no! Left, left!
1276
01:33:41,126 --> 01:33:43,584
♪ My lovely day
1277
01:33:43,667 --> 01:33:46,001
♪ My lovely day
1278
01:33:46,959 --> 01:33:51,292
♪ My lovely day! ♪