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JAMES: Okay. Life lesson.
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A lot of people think
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00:00:42,475 --> 00:00:45,638
the moment a parent lets go
of their child is at the wedding.
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00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:47,576
Not me.
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00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,240
Think he's crying because
he's giving away his daughter?
6
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:51,408
Uh-uh.
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It's because she's marrying this guy.
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Truth is, he said goodbye years ago,
the day she left home.
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The trouble starts here.
College application season.
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00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:07,627
With over 4,000 colleges in the US,
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I developed five reasons for choosing
the perfect one for my little girl.
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Academics, distance from home,
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00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:18,638
campus safety, distance from home,
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and last but not least,
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distance from home.
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Which led us to the best choice.
Northwestern.
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00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:29,017
Forty miles from our house.
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Safe, great education.
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I can get there in 28 minutes, clocked.
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Now, you can never
start a plan too early.
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I'm James Porter, Police Chief,
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00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:48,203
husband, dad,
and the best part of my plan?
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When Melanie finished high school,
she'd be going to Northwestern.
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(EXCLAIMING)
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You're in! You in!
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(INAUDIBLE)
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(BEATING GAVEL)
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Counsel for the defense
will now make her closing statement.
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Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
my client, Mr. Wolf,
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has been accused of horrible crimes.
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- Destruction of property...
- That's my baby.
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I know that's right.
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00:02:30,049 --> 00:02:34,179
- But he is innocent of both.
- Objection! Speculative.
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00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:37,882
I'll allow it. Proceed.
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00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:42,792
The State has not presented
a single shred of conclusive evidence.
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Yes, there is a house made of sticks,
and one of straw,
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but they were both built to code.
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That being said,
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a huff and a puff is not enough!
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Let me hear you say it.
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ALL: A huff and a puff is not enough!
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00:03:01,047 --> 00:03:04,278
- Objection!
- JUDGE: To what?
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00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:05,612
Rhyming?
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00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,114
(BEATING GAVEL)
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Mr. Foreman, have you
reached a decision?
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We have, Your Honor.
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We find the defendant not guilty.
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(EXCLAIMING)
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- Congratulations!
- Thank you.
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00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,674
- Congratulations.
- Thanks, Katie.
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00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:30,600
My turn!
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00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:31,699
(EXCLAIMING)
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Daddy's girl!
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00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,772
(CHUCKLES) Baby.
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Oh!
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(GROWLS)
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Baby girl,
you knocked it out of the park.
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Thank you.
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00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:45,818
- But you do know he was guilty, right?
- Dad, this is legal theory.
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Everything's not just black and white,
there are shades of gray.
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Yeah, well, gray is just guilty
with a good excuse.
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00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:52,725
- No, actually, it's just...
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
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00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:55,164
You both have interesting points,
but the trial is over.
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Now, Mama's rule is we go home
and celebrate.
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00:03:58,037 --> 00:04:01,063
Yes. Okay, wait. I've got to
get something out of my locker.
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00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:03,233
- Excuse me.
- Oh, my goodness!
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00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,675
Miss Porter. Well done.
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00:04:05,778 --> 00:04:07,541
Wow. Thank you, Your Honor.
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00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:09,740
Your teacher mentioned
you're interested in my alma mater.
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00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:11,612
Georgetown? Yes, sir.
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00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:13,743
Although it doesn't matter,
because I've been wait-listed.
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00:04:13,853 --> 00:04:16,822
You know, an old classmate of mine
works in Admissions at Georgetown.
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00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,448
No guarantees,
but I could give him a call...
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00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:21,959
(GASPS) Oh, my goodness! Yes!
75
00:04:22,061 --> 00:04:25,292
- Thank you, thank you, thank you!
- (CHOKING) I'll take that as a "yes."
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You're obstructing my airway.
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They're going to love my special sauce.
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00:04:32,171 --> 00:04:35,163
- Smells good, baby.
- Thank you. Thank you.
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00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:36,899
(CLEARING THROAT)
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00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:41,174
- Everything all right?
- Albert just beat me at chess. Again!
81
00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:43,915
(GRUNTING)
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00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:47,282
Stop gloating, Albert!
Nobody likes a sore winner.
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00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:49,411
(GRUNTING)
84
00:04:50,723 --> 00:04:54,250
I need 13ccs of orange juice, please.
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00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:58,319
- Thirteen ccs coming right up, baby.
- Thank you, Mother.
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00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,794
He's playing chess with a pig.
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He's just going through a phase.
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00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,501
A phase is
when they want to be a cowboy.
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00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:11,873
- Trey's got issues.
- Now hold up, now.
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00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:15,141
Kids with high IQs,
they got big imaginations.
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00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:16,545
And something about that pig,
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he keeps eyeballing me,
like I'm cooking his cousin.
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00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,647
Pig ain't eyeballing you.
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00:05:21,754 --> 00:05:22,778
(GRUNTS)
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00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:25,949
See, he's doing it right now!
Baby, look! He's doing it.
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00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:29,153
What? It's all in your head, James.
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00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:34,123
- Little Houdini pig...
- Ain't no Houdini nothing over there.
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00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:36,098
Do what you gotta do.
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00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:37,528
(GRUNTING)
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00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:39,332
MICHELLE: Wonderful, Emma!
MRS. O'MALLY: Really?
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00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:40,531
Because I feel like a house.
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00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:41,629
(WOMEN GIGGLING)
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00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:45,404
- There's our superstar.
- Hi, Mr. and Mrs. O'Mally.
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00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:49,345
- I'm so sorry I can't join you tonight.
- Celebrating, I hope.
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00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:52,782
I'm just hanging out with a couple of
mock-trial friends at the library.
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Total rager.
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00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:55,418
- Wow.
- That's my baby. That's my baby.
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(CAR HORN HONKING)
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And that's my cue.
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- I'll be back by curfew! Promise!
- ALL: Okay, good night!
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She is a pip.
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Hey.
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00:06:10,002 --> 00:06:13,631
- All clear?
- Not yet. Wait for the first wave.
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ALL: Bye!
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Second wave.
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00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:29,749
ALL: Bye.
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Forward party!
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- Party!
- Party!
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00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:42,866
(TIRES SCREECHING)
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00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,602
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO)
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(ALL WHOOPING)
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So, any parenting advice for us?
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00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:58,883
- What would you like to know?
- We want a daughter like Melanie.
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I mean, just tell us. I mean, not...
Not that I'm nervous.
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You know, it's not that I'm nervous...
I'm not nervous.
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(GASPS)
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- He's just...
- I'm sorry.
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Relax. Raising a daughter is easy.
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Take me and Melanie.
We got a solid relationship.
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00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:15,894
There's nothing we can't talk about.
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Are you kidding?
I can't tell that man anything!
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I say left, he says right.
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I say defense attorney,
he says pre-paid excuse-maker.
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(GRUNTING) That man is so rigid!
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- Rigid.
- Rigid.
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I'm flexible. As Melanie's grown,
I've grown with her.
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He still treats me like a kid!
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You clearly need
to take your mind off things
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and come on our college tour
this weekend!
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00:07:40,426 --> 00:07:43,918
Saturday we're staying at my sister's
sorority at the University of Pittsburgh.
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And we could even hit up Georgetown.
It's not that far.
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Oh, my goodness, you guys,
I would love to!
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But I don't think my dad will let me.
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- Lame!
- Lame!
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Hey, girls!
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- Hey, Hunter!
- Hey, Hunter!
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Hunter in the house!
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- We don't say that anymore.
- We don't say that anymore.
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- I'm bringing it back!
- Okay.
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00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:06,375
So it might be emotional,
and there might be tears,
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00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,080
but that's why they call it "tough love."
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00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:11,713
- Now, once they're potty-trained...
- Uh-uh. Baby?
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00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:14,622
I think we've had enough
parenting talk for tonight, hmm?
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00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:17,018
You're absolutely right.
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00:08:17,129 --> 00:08:19,029
Why tell them,
when I could show them?
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Uh-uh. No...
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Ta-da!
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Welcome to the
James Porter School of Raising Kids.
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Our motto is, "Be there, take video."
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(CHUCKLES)
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Which one?
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00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:34,972
(HUMMING)
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- Wow.
- Super.
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00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:37,679
All righty!
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MELANIE ON TV: My name is
Melanie Porter, and I am six years old.
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Ta-da!
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That's my baby!
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00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,555
Yeah. Yeah.
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00:08:49,662 --> 00:08:52,392
Dad, I can't move my legs!
I can't pedal!
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00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:56,167
MELANIE: (SINGING) A-B-C-D-E-F...
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(WHISPERING) In the future,
all video will be implanted in our brains.
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00:09:02,775 --> 00:09:04,003
Perfect.
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00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,728
(GRUNTING)
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00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:30,560
Why do you keep eyeballing me?
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00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:39,138
Seeing the O'Mallys tonight
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00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,770
reminded me of when I was pregnant
with Melanie.
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00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:43,906
Doesn't seem that long ago.
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00:09:44,016 --> 00:09:48,112
I can tell you one thing.
I was not as uptight as him.
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00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:50,780
You were my rock.
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00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:54,792
Right until they wheeled me into that
delivery room. Then you passed out.
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00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:59,194
No, I did not pass out.
I just didn't get a nap that day.
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Well, it all worked out.
We got great kids.
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00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:04,863
That's why I can sleep at night.
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00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:07,235
- Good night. All right.
- Good night, babe.
185
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:18,543
(GRUNTING)
186
00:10:20,886 --> 00:10:23,616
Babe! The pig! Hey, baby! Look! Look!
187
00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:27,459
There's nothing there. Go to sleep!
188
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:31,291
- That little Houdini... He was just...
- Do what you gotta do.
189
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:43,268
MELANIE: Dad!
190
00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:44,636
(SCREAMING)
191
00:10:46,045 --> 00:10:47,672
- MELANIE: Mom!
- Hold on!
192
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:50,248
Dad! Hurry up, please!
193
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,714
Mom, Dad! Hurry!
194
00:10:56,088 --> 00:10:57,680
- I can't believe it!
- Mel!
195
00:10:57,790 --> 00:10:58,916
(GASPING)
196
00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:00,822
Melanie, what is it?
197
00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:05,021
ANSWERING MACHINE:
Miss Porter, Judge Mahagian calling.
198
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:06,291
The Georgetown
admissions committee
199
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:08,458
is interviewing a select few students
from the waitlist.
200
00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:11,195
You'll need to be in DC
this Monday at 4:00.
201
00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:14,033
Congratulations,
and have a lovely trip.
202
00:11:15,941 --> 00:11:17,533
(SCREAMING)
203
00:11:17,643 --> 00:11:18,803
(WHOOPING)
204
00:11:18,911 --> 00:11:20,208
(SQUEALING)
205
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:24,441
(WHOOPING)
206
00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:25,608
(WHOOPING)
207
00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:27,515
Little bro, what are you
so excited about?
208
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:30,384
I'm going to turn your room
into a science lab!
209
00:11:30,489 --> 00:11:32,957
JAMES: For all of you who don't know,
we live near Chicago.
210
00:11:33,225 --> 00:11:35,625
Georgetown is in Washington, DC.
211
00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:38,088
That's 700 miles away from home.
212
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:39,721
ANIMATED FAN 1: Georgetown!
ANIMATED FAN 2: Georgetown!
213
00:11:39,832 --> 00:11:41,527
- Happy dance!
- Happy dance!
214
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:43,363
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
215
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,764
(HUMMING)
216
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,337
(GRUNTING)
217
00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,066
- I said, "Whoa!"
- Oh, my goodness! You guys!
218
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:51,200
No way. He said Monday.
That's in three days.
219
00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:52,368
MELANIE: You know what?
We should drive there.
220
00:11:52,478 --> 00:11:53,877
- We should make a trip of it.
- Yeah.
221
00:11:53,979 --> 00:11:55,344
Trip? What trip?
222
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,882
- Oh, Monday!
- What?
223
00:11:57,983 --> 00:12:00,213
Baby, I got two open houses
this weekend.
224
00:12:00,319 --> 00:12:01,377
(SNIGGERING)
225
00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:03,148
Okay, no. But that's okay. That's okay.
You know why?
226
00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:06,053
Because Katie and Nancy
are taking their own little trip!
227
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:07,489
Oh, my goodness. I could go with them.
228
00:12:07,593 --> 00:12:10,323
They can drop me off.
It's only a couple hours from DC.
229
00:12:10,429 --> 00:12:12,056
(SCREAMING)
230
00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:14,928
Perfect. Problem solved.
I am so proud of you!
231
00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:16,831
Thank you, Mommy, thank you!
232
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:18,659
(CAR HORN HONKS)
233
00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:19,897
- Hey!
- Hey!
234
00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:21,768
I'm going to Georgetown!
235
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:24,068
(SCREAMING)
236
00:12:24,176 --> 00:12:25,871
Katie and Nancy.
237
00:12:27,046 --> 00:12:29,606
All right, bye! Girls, be safe!
238
00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:32,206
GIRLS: (CHANTING)
Georgetown, Georgetown!
239
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:35,216
- Come on, baby. Come on.
- Perfect?
240
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:38,381
Problem solved?
What happened to our big plan?
241
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,254
We agreed on Northwestern.
242
00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:42,850
Did you even know
she applied to Georgetown?
243
00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:47,160
- I helped her fill out the application.
- What? Whose side are you on?
244
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:50,531
Both of yours. And put down that bat.
245
00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:52,634
Look, you can't be on both of our sides.
246
00:12:52,738 --> 00:12:55,730
Baby, Georgetown is a great school!
247
00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:57,331
We don't know anyone there.
248
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,274
How will she begin
to take care of herself?
249
00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:03,041
Because you're an amazing father,
and you showed her right from wrong
250
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,549
and you taught her
how to think for herself and be strong.
251
00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:07,551
She's ready for this because of you!
252
00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:09,018
Nice try, Michelle,
253
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:12,249
but you and I both know
it's nothing nice out there.
254
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:16,590
I know this is hard for you, but she is
not a little girl anymore. Okay?
255
00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:18,663
You gotta relax. I'll see you at dinner.
256
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:21,923
I'll show you relaxed.
257
00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:26,871
Are you sure
you can't go out Saturday night?
258
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:28,906
My best friend from college
is gonna be in town,
259
00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:33,172
and let me tell you this,
the Wizard is the party master.
260
00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:35,247
Party master?
261
00:13:35,347 --> 00:13:39,716
Man, wasn't college the best?
Total freedom to do whatever you want.
262
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:40,877
What?
263
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,245
I had my parents convinced
I was an oceanography major
264
00:13:44,356 --> 00:13:48,349
for a whole year, just so they'd pay
for spring break in Mexico!
265
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:49,561
Mexico?
266
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:50,629
(BOTH LAUGHING)
267
00:13:51,263 --> 00:13:54,630
Oh, man, when I think back
to half the stuff I did in college,
268
00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:57,725
there's no way
I'm letting my kid out of my sight
269
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,305
when she goes off to college.
Not a chance.
270
00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:01,373
(BOTH SCREAMING)
271
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:05,834
(LAUGHING)
272
00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:10,273
- Everything okay, Chief?
- I got everything under control.
273
00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:18,049
JAMES: I'm taking three days off.
274
00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:20,455
Sure hope he doesn't do
something crazy.
275
00:14:20,559 --> 00:14:22,584
GIRLS: (SINGING)
We're going on a road trip
276
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:26,859
A road trip, a road trip
277
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:28,433
(WHOOPING)
278
00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:32,293
You guys, I think
we should start really early tomorrow,
279
00:14:32,404 --> 00:14:33,598
because I cannot believe
we're actually going.
280
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,173
I can't believe
your dad's actually allowing you to go.
281
00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:38,038
I've been working with him
for 17 years, all right?
282
00:14:38,143 --> 00:14:39,201
And he knows,
283
00:14:39,311 --> 00:14:42,839
you can be Chief at the station,
but you have to be Dad at home.
284
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:46,076
- That's right. You tell him exactly that.
- Thank you very much.
285
00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:47,152
Oh!
286
00:14:47,653 --> 00:14:48,847
Surprise!
287
00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:52,657
Road trip, road trip! Yeah!
288
00:14:52,791 --> 00:14:54,190
(HUMMING)
289
00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:56,158
- Oh, no.
- Oh, no.
290
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:57,854
Mom, this is crazy!
291
00:14:57,963 --> 00:14:59,487
Have you seen the thing
that we're driving in?
292
00:14:59,598 --> 00:15:01,122
It's gonna be like
a thousand-mile ride-along.
293
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:05,226
No, no.
My life is a thousand-mile ride-along.
294
00:15:05,337 --> 00:15:06,929
Why is he doing this to me?
295
00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:10,839
Because he loves you
and he wants to spend time with you.
296
00:15:10,943 --> 00:15:14,208
- This is cruelty.
- What would make it less painful?
297
00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:19,014
You said she could stay
at the sorority house?
298
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:21,780
Her friends are gonna be
with Katie's sister at Pitt.
299
00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:23,477
Baby, that's right
near your mama's house,
300
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,682
where you're planning on staying
tomorrow, anyway.
301
00:15:25,791 --> 00:15:28,521
Look, this is daddy-daughter time,
Michelle.
302
00:15:28,627 --> 00:15:31,994
I got a lot planned for us.
I shouldn't have to share.
303
00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:34,224
Why are you taking this trip
anyway, James?
304
00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:38,064
- I told you. To support Melanie.
- Well, good.
305
00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:41,230
Because if this is one of your
crazy schemes to keep her at home,
306
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:44,537
that would be real bad, James.
307
00:15:44,643 --> 00:15:46,770
I got it all under control.
308
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,044
- Are you going to DC?
- Yeah.
309
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:56,213
I need you to take a message
to the Secretary of Defense. It reads,
310
00:15:57,723 --> 00:16:00,988
"Dear Sir,
I've created a species of superpigs
311
00:16:01,093 --> 00:16:04,221
"to defend the country
from our enemies."
312
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,855
You're gonna have to
get that to him yourself,
313
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,662
and you may want to
housebreak your pig first.
314
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,269
Already done.
315
00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:13,234
(TOILET FLUSHING)
316
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:15,102
(GRUNTING)
317
00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:27,882
MAN ON TV: Welcome to
Animal Kingdom.
318
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:33,050
Gazelles are among nature's
most social and emotional creatures.
319
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:37,185
They look after each other
for any signs of danger.
320
00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:41,790
The gazelle family stays together
for as long as they live.
321
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:45,301
How father loves
his little gazelle daughter.
322
00:16:45,404 --> 00:16:47,065
That's what I'm talking about.
323
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:51,040
If only humans
could embrace this wildlife lesson.
324
00:16:59,418 --> 00:17:03,582
(SINGING) There's a double dutch bus
coming down the street
325
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:07,648
Moving pretty fast
so kind of shuffle your feet
326
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,661
Get on the bus and pay your fare
327
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:14,722
And tell the driver that you're going
to the double dutch affair
328
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:16,594
(CHUCKLES)
329
00:17:19,805 --> 00:17:21,466
I love you, Daddy!
330
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:27,311
Where does the time go?
331
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:31,249
Bye, Daddy! Bye!
332
00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:34,276
(SIGHS)
333
00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:41,285
Where's Trey?
334
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,987
He left an hour ago
for his science club.
335
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:46,724
It's an all-day field trip.
I'll pick him up after work.
336
00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:50,859
For Christmas, that boy
gets a karate suit, and nothing else.
337
00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:53,597
Look, you be good now, okay?
338
00:17:53,705 --> 00:17:56,265
- I'm gonna miss you.
- You, too, baby. Be safe.
339
00:17:57,843 --> 00:18:00,243
Baby, you call me, now,
if you have any problems.
340
00:18:00,345 --> 00:18:01,505
I'll be fine.
341
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,240
I was talking to Melanie.
342
00:18:03,348 --> 00:18:05,111
Time to go, Mel-bear.
343
00:18:08,987 --> 00:18:11,251
They are gonna kill each other.
344
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,859
(INAUDIBLE)
345
00:18:15,527 --> 00:18:17,324
(ABC PLAYING)
346
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:20,227
You went to school to learn, girl
347
00:18:20,332 --> 00:18:22,391
Things you never knew before
348
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:25,397
Like I before E except after C
349
00:18:25,504 --> 00:18:27,995
And why 2 plus 2 makes 4,
now, now, now
350
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:31,099
I'm gonna teach you
351
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:33,303
- Isn't this exciting?
- Yeah.
352
00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:36,848
I put together a little road-trip kit.
353
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:40,578
I call that "miles o' fun."
354
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:44,452
Now, we got travel bingo,
travel Scrabble,
355
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:49,059
travel dominoes.
And for your musical enjoyment...
356
00:18:50,028 --> 00:18:51,962
"Daddy/Daughter groove machine"?
357
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:55,898
Double Dutch Bus. We used to sing it
in the car all the time.
358
00:18:56,001 --> 00:18:58,094
Play it, play it, play it.
359
00:18:58,604 --> 00:19:00,902
(HUMMING)
360
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,040
(DOUBLE DUTCH BUS
PLAYING ON RADIO)
361
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,632
(SINGING) Give me a "Ho!"
362
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,036
Ya dig?
363
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:11,105
The double dutch bus
going down the street
364
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:15,050
And we've got to realize
that you don't know what to...
365
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:19,548
- I love this song.
- I don't remember.
366
00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:24,256
- Come on. This was our song.
- Sorry, I just don't remember.
367
00:19:25,597 --> 00:19:31,467
- Okay. That's all right. We can just talk.
- Talk? About what?
368
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:34,664
Father/daughter talks.
We're going to get deep, too.
369
00:19:34,773 --> 00:19:37,037
- Deep?
- Real deep.
370
00:19:37,142 --> 00:19:39,167
I mean, like, deeper than deep.
371
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:42,441
You know what I mean?
Stuff that only we can get deep about.
372
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:43,879
(CHUCKLES)
373
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,109
Deep!
374
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:51,588
Yeah. I just hope 700 miles gives us
enough time.
375
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:54,818
Dad!
376
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:58,658
Oh, my goodness. Look where we are.
Northwestern.
377
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:01,255
- Dad, what are you doing?
- Nothing? What?
378
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:04,130
This is supposed to be
the "Georgetown Express."
379
00:20:04,236 --> 00:20:08,366
Mel, you have to see more than
one college on a college road trip.
380
00:20:08,473 --> 00:20:09,462
What's the harm?
381
00:20:09,575 --> 00:20:12,442
The harm is we have
a lot of ground to cover.
382
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:14,273
And I've already seen Northwestern.
383
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:17,837
Not as a potential student. Come on.
Flow with me.
384
00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:20,009
Flow with me, Mel. Flow with me.
385
00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:23,712
(CHUCKLES)
386
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:28,348
Look at this place!
Oh, look at the trees!
387
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:29,825
The field!
388
00:20:29,928 --> 00:20:33,523
It's like a four-star resort
with some books and learning!
389
00:20:33,632 --> 00:20:35,600
Dad, just don't embarrass me, okay?
390
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:39,432
Go, Cats! Number one! Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
391
00:20:39,538 --> 00:20:42,701
- Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
- Unbelievable.
392
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:47,575
Oh, Mel! Cats, baby! Number one! Mel!
393
00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:50,170
GUIDE: And that's how, in 1853,
394
00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:53,513
the university named
the surrounding town "Evanston,"
395
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:56,486
in honor of its founder, John Evans.
396
00:20:56,588 --> 00:21:01,457
He was a doctor and a builder
and boring, boring, boring. Questions?
397
00:21:02,461 --> 00:21:04,190
(GRUNTING)
398
00:21:04,296 --> 00:21:06,992
- GUIDE: Are you sure?
- Yes. Please, please, please.
399
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,396
Go ahead.
400
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:12,827
Hi. Doug Greenhut, BPT.
Booster Parent in Training.
401
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:14,337
(BOTH LAUGHING)
402
00:21:15,707 --> 00:21:19,234
We're up here from Orlando
on our big "college road trip."
403
00:21:19,344 --> 00:21:22,438
- This is Wendy, my daughter.
- Hi, I'm Wendy Greenhut.
404
00:21:22,547 --> 00:21:26,142
CST, College Student in Training.
405
00:21:26,251 --> 00:21:27,343
You have a question, Tinker Bell?
406
00:21:27,452 --> 00:21:31,411
I was just wondering,
when is parents' weekend?
407
00:21:31,523 --> 00:21:34,083
- It's early November.
- What?
408
00:21:34,192 --> 00:21:36,490
That's three months after school starts.
409
00:21:36,595 --> 00:21:39,792
Any other riveting questions?
410
00:21:40,532 --> 00:21:41,556
(GRUNTING)
411
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:43,658
Yes.
412
00:21:43,769 --> 00:21:47,102
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Mr. School Spirit, with the foam finger.
413
00:21:47,205 --> 00:21:50,174
Disregard his sarcastic tone, James.
414
00:21:50,275 --> 00:21:53,142
How does Northwestern compare
to other universities,
415
00:21:53,245 --> 00:21:55,304
like Georgetown, for example?
416
00:21:55,414 --> 00:21:58,747
(SCOFFS) Georgetown?
We're better than Georgetown.
417
00:21:58,850 --> 00:22:00,317
Excuse me. Hypothetically speaking,
418
00:22:00,419 --> 00:22:03,650
if your dad
was an overprotective control freak
419
00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:05,848
and lived 40 miles
away from Northwestern,
420
00:22:05,957 --> 00:22:08,187
then would you go to Georgetown?
421
00:22:08,293 --> 00:22:10,022
ALL: Yeah.
422
00:22:10,128 --> 00:22:14,258
- Who said that? Who said it?
- I knew this was a bad idea.
423
00:22:14,366 --> 00:22:15,458
(GASPS)
424
00:22:21,473 --> 00:22:23,100
I'm so sorry.
425
00:22:23,208 --> 00:22:25,676
- Are you okay?
- I am now.
426
00:22:29,047 --> 00:22:32,983
Hi, I'm Nick. I don't think
I've seen you around before.
427
00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:37,488
No, I was just
checking out the campus.
428
00:22:37,589 --> 00:22:40,752
- How about a personal tour?
- Personal tour of what?
429
00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:44,556
Dad, this is Nick. Nick, this is my dad.
430
00:22:44,663 --> 00:22:46,756
NICK: I was just about to show Melanie
around campus.
431
00:22:46,865 --> 00:22:48,127
I don't have a problem with that.
432
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,925
- What?
- I trust you.
433
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:54,028
Besides, something about this school
feels safe.
434
00:22:54,139 --> 00:22:57,905
Meet me back at the student union
when you're done. You kids have fun.
435
00:22:58,009 --> 00:23:00,000
Can we see
the rest of this beautiful school?
436
00:23:00,112 --> 00:23:02,478
- Okeydokey.
- Okeydokey!
437
00:23:02,581 --> 00:23:04,481
You go, girl!
438
00:23:04,583 --> 00:23:08,883
DOUG: James, I think this is the start
of a beautiful friendship.
439
00:23:09,321 --> 00:23:11,881
Wow. I wish my dad was that cool.
440
00:23:11,990 --> 00:23:13,014
Huh?
441
00:23:13,892 --> 00:23:16,053
- Shall we go?
- Lead the way.
442
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:20,156
Wow.
443
00:23:20,265 --> 00:23:22,358
- Wow. No, I'm serious.
- Yeah.
444
00:23:22,467 --> 00:23:24,731
I can't believe
that was just the science library.
445
00:23:24,836 --> 00:23:28,203
- I'm telling you, this campus, it's like...
- I know. It's amazing.
446
00:23:28,306 --> 00:23:31,139
I just kind of want to get away
from the nest, you know?
447
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:32,210
Look, I hear you.
448
00:23:32,310 --> 00:23:35,279
But the way I look at it,
you have your whole life to do that.
449
00:23:35,380 --> 00:23:37,280
I mean, my parents
live less than an hour away,
450
00:23:37,382 --> 00:23:39,441
and it's awesome.
451
00:23:39,551 --> 00:23:42,520
I mean, I've got a place to cram
for exams when I need privacy,
452
00:23:42,621 --> 00:23:45,954
free laundry,
home-cooked meals whenever I want.
453
00:23:46,057 --> 00:23:48,924
Going to college close to home
is where it's at.
454
00:23:49,027 --> 00:23:53,259
- You really sound like my dad.
- Well, the Chief's a pretty smart guy.
455
00:23:55,167 --> 00:23:57,397
Hey, Nick, can you...
456
00:23:57,969 --> 00:23:59,800
Can you get me a lemonade?
457
00:23:59,905 --> 00:24:03,204
- Don't you go changing.
- Don't you go changing!
458
00:24:07,179 --> 00:24:09,613
"Chief's a pretty smart guy."
459
00:24:10,682 --> 00:24:11,774
(SIGHS)
460
00:24:14,286 --> 00:24:18,017
Oh, it's on. It's on.
461
00:24:20,525 --> 00:24:24,393
So what do you do if you encounter
an individual resisting arrest?
462
00:24:24,496 --> 00:24:26,623
Well, we have Tasers.
463
00:24:26,731 --> 00:24:28,221
No, forget a Taser.
464
00:24:28,333 --> 00:24:30,130
That's not gonna subdue
any real criminal.
465
00:24:30,235 --> 00:24:31,964
MELANIE: Dad! Dad!
466
00:24:33,672 --> 00:24:35,606
Looks like somebody's
having a good time.
467
00:24:35,707 --> 00:24:38,733
Not a good time, Daddy. A great time!
It was awesome! It was off the chain!
468
00:24:38,844 --> 00:24:40,334
See.
What have I been trying to tell you?
469
00:24:40,445 --> 00:24:41,844
Dad, I don't know
why I wasn't listening.
470
00:24:41,947 --> 00:24:44,177
Let me tell you what happened, right.
So we went to the library, but
471
00:24:44,282 --> 00:24:47,046
- we went to a frat party.
- Frat party?
472
00:24:47,152 --> 00:24:49,245
Let me tell you what happened.
I was like, "Nick, I don't wanna go.
473
00:24:49,354 --> 00:24:50,343
"No, I have to think about school."
474
00:24:50,455 --> 00:24:51,422
But he's like, "Come on. Let's go."
475
00:24:51,523 --> 00:24:52,751
I said, "Okay, for sure."
So we went to the party.
476
00:24:52,858 --> 00:24:55,418
Yo, Dad, crazy, man! Crazy!
477
00:24:55,527 --> 00:24:58,189
There was a Jell-O pool,
and everybody was just diving in it.
478
00:24:58,296 --> 00:25:00,161
I was like, "I can't take it!" Amazing.
479
00:25:00,265 --> 00:25:02,631
Northwestern,
this is where it's at, right here.
480
00:25:02,834 --> 00:25:04,165
- Where's Nick?
- He was krumping,
481
00:25:04,269 --> 00:25:05,896
and he broke out his back.
You know, like...
482
00:25:06,004 --> 00:25:08,268
- Like that. It was crazy.
- Melanie!
483
00:25:08,373 --> 00:25:09,704
(WHOOPING)
484
00:25:09,808 --> 00:25:10,775
I got your lemonade!
485
00:25:10,876 --> 00:25:11,900
(TASER BUZZING)
486
00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:12,977
(GROANING)
487
00:25:13,945 --> 00:25:16,379
Sip on that. Sip on that!
488
00:25:16,481 --> 00:25:18,608
Pardon me, ma'am.
I didn't see you there.
489
00:25:18,717 --> 00:25:21,242
See, I just transferred
from Georgetown University,
490
00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:24,550
where I was stabbed in the eye!
491
00:25:24,656 --> 00:25:27,124
At Georgetown!
492
00:25:30,262 --> 00:25:34,995
- You've got to be kidding me.
- Stuart, she knows. It's over.
493
00:25:36,167 --> 00:25:38,863
Everybody go on about your business.
It's done.
494
00:25:39,304 --> 00:25:40,601
(JAMES SPEAKS
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
495
00:25:40,705 --> 00:25:42,002
Disperse.
496
00:25:46,578 --> 00:25:48,569
Hey, how do I get this cast off?
497
00:25:50,081 --> 00:25:53,016
MELANIE: I can't believe
you tried to trick me like that.
498
00:25:53,118 --> 00:25:54,676
I am a good girl.
499
00:25:54,786 --> 00:25:56,754
I listen to you and Mom.
I do well in school.
500
00:25:56,855 --> 00:25:58,288
What's the worst thing I've done?
501
00:25:58,390 --> 00:26:00,950
Dance around with my friends
at a party?
502
00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:03,391
Party? When did you go to a party?
503
00:26:03,495 --> 00:26:04,587
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
504
00:26:04,696 --> 00:26:05,685
Phone.
505
00:26:05,797 --> 00:26:10,564
If that's your mother, tell her
we're having a good time. All right?
506
00:26:10,669 --> 00:26:12,603
Okay. Hello?
507
00:26:12,704 --> 00:26:15,434
Oh, my gosh. The cutest guy just
drove by us, and Katie was like...
508
00:26:15,540 --> 00:26:16,529
Ooh!
509
00:26:16,641 --> 00:26:17,630
And he was like, "Ew."
510
00:26:17,742 --> 00:26:19,175
- And we were like, "Whatever."
- "Whatever."
511
00:26:19,277 --> 00:26:20,904
So, how's family bonding?
512
00:26:21,012 --> 00:26:23,640
Oh, it's great.
Yeah, we just left Northwestern,
513
00:26:23,748 --> 00:26:26,546
and my dad Tasered
one of his own deputies.
514
00:26:26,651 --> 00:26:28,175
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
515
00:26:28,286 --> 00:26:30,220
- Congratulations!
- Congratulations!
516
00:26:30,322 --> 00:26:33,780
- Nancy says congratulations.
- Thank you, Nancy.
517
00:26:33,892 --> 00:26:37,191
He says thank you.
No, he can't hear what you said.
518
00:26:38,496 --> 00:26:39,656
I know.
519
00:26:39,764 --> 00:26:41,129
(LAUGHING)
520
00:26:43,168 --> 00:26:45,193
I know! I know.
521
00:26:48,139 --> 00:26:49,333
I know.
522
00:26:52,644 --> 00:26:55,477
I know! I know!
523
00:26:55,580 --> 00:26:56,740
(CELL PHONE BEEPING)
524
00:26:56,848 --> 00:26:58,475
Oh, girl, my battery's dying. Hold on.
525
00:26:58,583 --> 00:27:00,312
Thank you.
526
00:27:04,055 --> 00:27:07,582
Hello? Yes, I'm back. Where were we?
527
00:27:07,692 --> 00:27:09,683
(SQUEALS) I know!
528
00:27:22,574 --> 00:27:24,838
Are you serious?
529
00:27:26,077 --> 00:27:27,544
Construction?
530
00:27:28,113 --> 00:27:29,978
We're off-schedule as it is.
531
00:27:30,081 --> 00:27:32,311
We're never gonna be able
to make it to Pitt in time.
532
00:27:32,417 --> 00:27:35,318
- We're gonna have to use the siren.
- Absolutely not.
533
00:27:35,420 --> 00:27:37,183
No one touches my siren.
534
00:27:37,288 --> 00:27:39,688
Dad, desperate times
call for desperate measures.
535
00:27:39,791 --> 00:27:43,693
Mel, getting to a slumber party
is not an emergency, okay?
536
00:27:43,795 --> 00:27:46,423
Now reach in my bag
and hand me P-GPS.
537
00:27:46,531 --> 00:27:48,226
What's P-GPS?
538
00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:50,927
Police Global Positioning System.
539
00:27:51,036 --> 00:27:53,937
Why don't you just call it
"Police G-P-S"?
540
00:27:54,039 --> 00:27:55,631
Because its name is P-GPS.
541
00:27:55,740 --> 00:27:57,435
Okay, Dad. Here you go.
542
00:27:58,109 --> 00:28:00,976
There you go, P-GPS. Oh, P-GPS.
543
00:28:01,112 --> 00:28:05,941
P-GPS, route fastest time to l-23.
544
00:28:06,051 --> 00:28:09,680
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Calculating distance to l-23.
545
00:28:09,788 --> 00:28:12,655
- Thank you, P-GPS.
- Thank you!
546
00:28:12,757 --> 00:28:15,123
- No. Thank you.
- Thank you!
547
00:28:15,226 --> 00:28:17,592
- No. Thank you.
- Thank you!
548
00:28:17,696 --> 00:28:21,154
(WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS
PLAYING)
549
00:28:32,510 --> 00:28:36,913
- At the next intersection, turn right.
- P-GPS.
550
00:28:40,018 --> 00:28:42,919
At the next intersection, turn right.
551
00:28:50,128 --> 00:28:53,859
At the next intersection, turn right.
Next intersect... The next...
552
00:28:53,965 --> 00:28:56,399
(WARPING) Turn right. Turn right.
553
00:28:56,501 --> 00:28:58,935
Dad, I think P-GPS is broken,
because my map says
554
00:28:59,037 --> 00:29:00,868
that we're supposed to be going
the other way.
555
00:29:00,972 --> 00:29:04,567
Are you gonna believe a piece of paper
or a $40-million satellite?
556
00:29:04,676 --> 00:29:07,338
Bet Grandma's right around the corner.
557
00:29:11,082 --> 00:29:12,549
(HISSING)
558
00:29:12,684 --> 00:29:14,208
(WOLF HOWLING)
559
00:29:15,754 --> 00:29:18,086
Love what Grandma's
done with the place.
560
00:29:18,890 --> 00:29:20,824
AUTOMATED VOICE: Thank you!
561
00:29:20,925 --> 00:29:22,825
This is nothing. Don't worry.
562
00:29:22,927 --> 00:29:26,863
I'll have this fixed, and we'll be back
on the tiny dirt path in no time.
563
00:29:33,538 --> 00:29:35,802
- Trey, what are you doing?
- Going to DC.
564
00:29:35,907 --> 00:29:38,603
You told me to take the note
to the Secretary myself.
565
00:29:38,710 --> 00:29:40,507
Have you been hiding in here
the whole time?
566
00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:41,874
You could have suffocated.
567
00:29:41,980 --> 00:29:46,246
I built an air ventilation system.
I could have survived for weeks.
568
00:29:46,351 --> 00:29:48,683
I meant, "we" could have survived.
569
00:29:48,787 --> 00:29:50,550
You'll be lucky to survive
into next week,
570
00:29:50,655 --> 00:29:53,146
once your mother and I
get through with you.
571
00:29:53,892 --> 00:29:55,723
No service.
572
00:29:55,827 --> 00:29:58,455
You just bought yourself
a stay of execution, boy.
573
00:29:58,563 --> 00:29:59,621
(SQUEALING)
574
00:30:02,033 --> 00:30:03,398
(GRUNTS)
575
00:30:14,112 --> 00:30:17,013
- TREY: Come on, Albert.
- Dad, what are we gonna do with him?
576
00:30:17,115 --> 00:30:18,776
I have the most important interview
of my life,
577
00:30:18,883 --> 00:30:21,909
and I don't want Einstein and Porky
along for the ride.
578
00:30:22,020 --> 00:30:24,921
What do you want me to do, Mel?
We're in the middle of nowhere.
579
00:30:25,023 --> 00:30:28,618
We could leave him in the woods and
a nice family of wolves will adopt him.
580
00:30:28,726 --> 00:30:30,023
- Dad, Dad!
- Oh!
581
00:30:33,531 --> 00:30:34,998
(CRASHING)
582
00:30:36,768 --> 00:30:38,633
AUTOMATED VOICE: Thank you.
583
00:30:45,176 --> 00:30:46,200
(GRUNTING)
584
00:30:50,114 --> 00:30:51,877
Dad, what are you doing?
585
00:30:51,983 --> 00:30:56,477
I'm just gonna rock this thing over,
and we'll be on our way.
586
00:30:56,588 --> 00:30:58,613
I just need a little momentum.
587
00:30:58,723 --> 00:31:01,021
One! Two!
588
00:31:01,759 --> 00:31:03,317
(GROANING)
589
00:31:06,865 --> 00:31:08,492
Something popped.
590
00:31:09,767 --> 00:31:10,791
Something popped.
591
00:31:10,902 --> 00:31:12,927
Dad, do you need
that man-girdle thing you wear?
592
00:31:13,037 --> 00:31:15,062
I thought that was Mom's.
593
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,338
(SQUEALING)
594
00:31:18,443 --> 00:31:21,378
- Now, what's his problem?
- I think he hears something.
595
00:31:21,479 --> 00:31:23,379
What is it, Albert?
Do you hear something?
596
00:31:23,481 --> 00:31:24,505
(GRUNTING)
597
00:31:24,616 --> 00:31:25,583
Is it trouble?
598
00:31:25,683 --> 00:31:26,707
(GRUNTING)
599
00:31:26,818 --> 00:31:28,251
Is it a fire?
600
00:31:28,353 --> 00:31:29,843
Is Jimmy stuck in the well?
601
00:31:29,954 --> 00:31:30,943
(SQUEALING)
602
00:31:31,055 --> 00:31:32,317
Jimmy!
603
00:31:33,892 --> 00:31:36,326
He's been watching
a lot of Lassie reruns.
604
00:31:37,528 --> 00:31:40,088
TREY: Albert says
there's a road up ahead.
605
00:31:40,198 --> 00:31:41,790
I think I see a road over there.
606
00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:43,697
Aha! Albert was right.
607
00:31:44,168 --> 00:31:46,193
(GRUNTING)
608
00:32:04,923 --> 00:32:07,892
See, Mel? Told you everything
was gonna work out.
609
00:32:07,992 --> 00:32:09,823
This place looks nice.
610
00:32:11,329 --> 00:32:12,591
MELANIE: Oh, no pets allowed.
611
00:32:12,830 --> 00:32:14,593
Looks like Albert has a problem.
612
00:32:14,699 --> 00:32:17,133
But, Dad, Albert's a member
of this family.
613
00:32:17,235 --> 00:32:18,293
Not by blood.
614
00:32:18,403 --> 00:32:22,863
Now, this is the only hotel for 30 miles.
We don't have a car, and I'm tired.
615
00:32:23,141 --> 00:32:25,109
(SQUEALING)
616
00:32:28,046 --> 00:32:29,070
(SNIFFLES)
617
00:32:29,681 --> 00:32:32,514
Okay. Do you have any ideas?
618
00:32:33,484 --> 00:32:34,951
I have a thought.
619
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:38,086
ARCARA: I am dumping a lot of coin
on this wedding,
620
00:32:38,189 --> 00:32:41,454
and I was told that they'll be
throwing rice at my little angel.
621
00:32:41,559 --> 00:32:43,390
Yeah. I know.
622
00:32:45,863 --> 00:32:47,831
- Hi.
- Hi. How can I help?
623
00:32:47,932 --> 00:32:49,991
We'd like a couple of rooms
for the evening.
624
00:32:50,101 --> 00:32:54,800
- Okay. How many are in your party?
- Just me, my two kids and the baby.
625
00:32:54,906 --> 00:32:55,930
(GRUNTS)
626
00:32:56,040 --> 00:33:00,704
- Oh! Somebody's getting hungry.
- I just gave you a bottle. Yes, I did.
627
00:33:00,812 --> 00:33:03,007
- I know. You did.
- Didn't I just give him a bottle?
628
00:33:03,114 --> 00:33:04,547
That is a hungry baby.
629
00:33:04,649 --> 00:33:06,480
Yes. He's kind of a pig.
630
00:33:06,584 --> 00:33:07,608
(GRUNTS)
631
00:33:08,853 --> 00:33:10,150
(PHONE RINGING)
632
00:33:12,390 --> 00:33:16,258
Michelle Porter. Hey, James, baby.
633
00:33:16,361 --> 00:33:18,158
(SHOUTING) Trey is where?
634
00:33:19,464 --> 00:33:22,729
Congratulations on your dream home.
I'll fax you the paperwork.
635
00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:24,301
Put him on the phone!
636
00:33:25,036 --> 00:33:27,800
- It's for you.
- Could you take a message?
637
00:33:30,908 --> 00:33:33,638
- Hello?
- You are in big trouble, mister.
638
00:33:33,745 --> 00:33:36,145
I hope you know
how to build a time machine,
639
00:33:36,247 --> 00:33:39,080
because you are not coming out
of the house until the year 3000.
640
00:33:39,183 --> 00:33:43,449
I'll draw up some plans with Albert,
but I can't promise anything.
641
00:33:43,554 --> 00:33:44,680
Trey!
642
00:33:44,789 --> 00:33:47,849
This is the most dangerous thing
you've ever done.
643
00:33:47,959 --> 00:33:49,290
I'm sorry, Mommy.
644
00:33:49,394 --> 00:33:53,087
I know you are, baby.
Let me talk to your daddy. Love you.
645
00:33:53,831 --> 00:33:54,798
(SIGHS)
646
00:33:56,034 --> 00:33:58,660
- Hey, baby.
- So are all of you all right?
647
00:33:58,770 --> 00:34:01,466
Baby, we just had some trouble
with the car.
648
00:34:01,572 --> 00:34:05,008
No more tricks, James.
And feed my kids!
649
00:34:07,145 --> 00:34:10,774
You know, Sigmund Freud said
the best way to understand women
650
00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:14,443
- is by listening to them.
- Yeah, but did he say anything
651
00:34:14,552 --> 00:34:16,645
about understanding 10-year-olds?
652
00:34:16,854 --> 00:34:21,223
Because you and the pig is looping me.
I'm confused.
653
00:34:21,325 --> 00:34:23,384
Albert, go start the bath.
654
00:34:26,431 --> 00:34:28,729
If you need us, we'll be playing chess.
655
00:34:30,601 --> 00:34:32,831
Albert, that's enough bubbles.
656
00:34:34,806 --> 00:34:36,467
Knight takes rook.
657
00:34:39,177 --> 00:34:41,543
Hmm. Interesting.
658
00:34:41,646 --> 00:34:44,137
Use your bishop as a decoy. Smart.
659
00:34:44,248 --> 00:34:45,215
(GRUNTING)
660
00:34:46,851 --> 00:34:51,117
- What are you doing?
- Just fixing my hair, about to get ready.
661
00:34:51,222 --> 00:34:54,988
Look, Mel, I know you must be upset
about missing the sleepover.
662
00:34:55,093 --> 00:34:58,529
But for whatever it's worth,
I was totally cool with it.
663
00:34:58,629 --> 00:34:59,960
Thanks, Dad.
664
00:35:01,666 --> 00:35:03,531
- What are you doing?
- Making coffee.
665
00:35:03,634 --> 00:35:07,832
Caffeine is a drug.
You don't take drugs. End of story.
666
00:35:11,375 --> 00:35:14,674
Dad, why do you insist
on treating me like a child?
667
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:19,247
Because according to the law,
you are one.
668
00:35:19,350 --> 00:35:20,840
How's it going?
669
00:35:33,464 --> 00:35:36,024
Think you got enough stuff, Melanie?
670
00:35:39,170 --> 00:35:41,638
"Passion." She better not...
671
00:35:41,739 --> 00:35:42,797
(BOTTLE SHATTERING)
672
00:35:45,910 --> 00:35:47,309
WEATHERMAN ON TV:
... with consistent showers
673
00:35:47,411 --> 00:35:48,969
through the next few days.
674
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:51,207
WOMAN ON TV: Thanks, Nick, sounds
like we have a rainy week ahead,
675
00:35:51,315 --> 00:35:52,942
so don't forget your umbrellas.
676
00:35:53,050 --> 00:35:56,281
And after the break,
how coffee makes you smarter.
677
00:35:56,754 --> 00:35:58,517
(GRUNTING)
678
00:36:01,159 --> 00:36:02,956
(CHOMPING)
679
00:36:04,662 --> 00:36:06,186
(PEOPLE CLAPPING)
680
00:36:07,732 --> 00:36:10,064
(BAND PLAYING IT HAD TO BE YOU)
681
00:36:16,507 --> 00:36:18,873
ARCARA: (SINGING) It had to be you
682
00:36:20,978 --> 00:36:23,913
It had to be you
683
00:36:24,015 --> 00:36:25,380
$ 10,000.
684
00:36:25,483 --> 00:36:27,508
(SINGING) I wandered around
685
00:36:27,618 --> 00:36:32,214
And finally found the somebody who...
686
00:36:33,958 --> 00:36:35,482
TREY: Dad! Dad!
687
00:36:36,994 --> 00:36:39,861
- (GARGLING) What is it?
- Dad, it's an emergency.
688
00:36:41,499 --> 00:36:45,333
- Where's the fire?
- There's something wrong with Albert.
689
00:36:45,436 --> 00:36:47,666
(SQUEALING)
690
00:36:47,772 --> 00:36:48,966
JAMES: What's up with him?
691
00:36:49,073 --> 00:36:52,304
Just guessing, but he might have eaten
all the coffee beans you threw away.
692
00:36:52,410 --> 00:36:53,377
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
693
00:36:53,477 --> 00:36:55,775
Room service. I got cookies for the...
694
00:36:56,247 --> 00:36:57,236
(GASPS)
695
00:36:57,348 --> 00:36:58,610
Oh, no!
696
00:37:01,519 --> 00:37:04,920
- Trey, stay put. The pig's gone crazy.
- TREY: Albert, get back here!
697
00:37:06,290 --> 00:37:09,088
Albert! Get the pig! Get the pig!
698
00:37:10,561 --> 00:37:12,893
Where'd he go? Where'd he go?
699
00:37:14,565 --> 00:37:16,260
Little Houdini pig.
700
00:37:16,534 --> 00:37:17,501
(GASPING)
701
00:37:17,602 --> 00:37:18,591
Oh!
702
00:37:19,937 --> 00:37:21,336
There he is!
703
00:37:24,375 --> 00:37:25,399
(SIGHS)
704
00:37:25,509 --> 00:37:27,306
Looks like we got ourselves
a wedding crasher.
705
00:37:27,411 --> 00:37:28,742
I'm on it.
706
00:37:28,846 --> 00:37:33,579
Settle down. Settle down.
Thank you, thank you.
707
00:37:33,884 --> 00:37:36,011
At this time I'd like to make a toast
708
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:39,351
to my little angel
and my new son-in-law, Ted.
709
00:37:40,758 --> 00:37:44,319
And, Teddy, you had better
take care of my little girl.
710
00:37:44,428 --> 00:37:46,396
Because she is an absolute...
711
00:37:46,497 --> 00:37:47,464
Pig!
712
00:37:47,565 --> 00:37:48,554
Pig.
713
00:37:48,666 --> 00:37:49,633
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
714
00:37:49,734 --> 00:37:50,758
Excuse me?
715
00:37:51,302 --> 00:37:52,269
(THUDDING)
716
00:37:55,139 --> 00:37:56,800
(SQUEALING)
717
00:37:57,008 --> 00:37:57,975
Pudding!
718
00:37:58,075 --> 00:37:59,736
- Daddy!
- ARCARA: Get that pig!
719
00:37:59,844 --> 00:38:01,436
Get it! Get it! Get it!
720
00:38:01,612 --> 00:38:02,874
(SQUEALING)
721
00:38:05,916 --> 00:38:07,611
ARCARA: What's wrong with you guys?
722
00:38:07,718 --> 00:38:10,448
No, Albert. Albert!
723
00:38:10,554 --> 00:38:13,022
Ted!
Don't just lay there, get up and get him!
724
00:38:13,124 --> 00:38:15,058
Albert. Get back here!
725
00:38:17,261 --> 00:38:18,353
(SCREAMING)
726
00:38:20,898 --> 00:38:23,230
(SQUEALING)
727
00:38:27,004 --> 00:38:29,404
My Cinderella wedding is ruined!
728
00:38:29,507 --> 00:38:33,375
I'm sorry. But I didn't want a pig.
I told the wife, I said, "Get a little..."
729
00:38:33,477 --> 00:38:36,241
- So this is your pig?
- It's my little boy's pig.
730
00:38:36,347 --> 00:38:39,646
He want... Albert! Get down, Albert!
731
00:38:39,750 --> 00:38:40,978
(SQUEALING)
732
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:43,685
ARCARA: Get him!
733
00:38:46,390 --> 00:38:47,516
(GRUNTS)
734
00:38:50,795 --> 00:38:52,228
Albert!
735
00:38:57,601 --> 00:38:58,568
(MOANING)
736
00:39:02,673 --> 00:39:03,833
No!
737
00:39:06,544 --> 00:39:07,977
(SCREAMING)
738
00:39:08,079 --> 00:39:09,273
LILY: Daddy!
739
00:39:13,184 --> 00:39:16,312
JAMES: Rise and shine.
740
00:39:16,987 --> 00:39:18,011
Ah!
741
00:39:18,122 --> 00:39:20,181
We got to roll. Time to go.
742
00:39:21,292 --> 00:39:24,193
There's a gas station
40 miles up the road.
743
00:39:24,295 --> 00:39:27,287
Got to get some food in you.
Who's up for pigs in a blanket?
744
00:39:27,398 --> 00:39:28,422
(SQUEALS)
745
00:39:28,532 --> 00:39:29,521
What?
746
00:39:29,633 --> 00:39:30,622
(LAUGHING)
747
00:39:30,735 --> 00:39:32,293
No, I'm not...
748
00:39:32,837 --> 00:39:34,327
(TALKING GIBBERISH)
749
00:39:34,438 --> 00:39:35,735
Okay, whatever.
750
00:39:37,908 --> 00:39:39,170
What a night.
751
00:39:39,276 --> 00:39:42,609
They're gonna have
one wild wedding video.
752
00:39:42,713 --> 00:39:45,910
At least we know when times are rough,
the Porters know how to rally together.
753
00:39:46,016 --> 00:39:47,506
- Right?
- Yeah.
754
00:39:48,552 --> 00:39:51,453
That's right. The Porters will rally.
755
00:39:51,555 --> 00:39:52,715
(DOOR OPENS)
756
00:39:52,957 --> 00:39:53,946
(LAUGHING)
757
00:39:54,058 --> 00:39:55,320
I don't believe it!
758
00:39:55,426 --> 00:39:56,723
(SQUEALING)
759
00:39:56,827 --> 00:39:58,385
Shiver me timbers.
760
00:39:58,529 --> 00:39:59,928
(BOTH LAUGHING)
761
00:40:00,030 --> 00:40:05,525
In the words of my favorite ride ever,
"It's a small world after all."
762
00:40:05,636 --> 00:40:08,833
- What are you guys doing here?
- Well, me and the little "cowgirl"
763
00:40:08,939 --> 00:40:09,928
(IMITATING SHOOTING)
764
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:13,942
just picking up a dozen donuts
before we hit the "rodeo."
765
00:40:14,044 --> 00:40:15,136
What about you?
766
00:40:15,279 --> 00:40:17,804
We just had a little trouble with the car.
767
00:40:17,915 --> 00:40:18,882
(BOTH MOAN)
768
00:40:21,485 --> 00:40:23,009
(WHISPERING)
769
00:40:25,489 --> 00:40:28,356
Well, new friend,
your luck just changed.
770
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:31,521
(BOTH SINGING)
We wish you a Merry Christmas
771
00:40:31,629 --> 00:40:33,392
We wish you a Merry Christmas
772
00:40:33,497 --> 00:40:38,730
We wish you a Merry Christmas
773
00:40:38,836 --> 00:40:40,736
And a Happy New Year
774
00:40:40,838 --> 00:40:42,305
(SQUEALING)
775
00:40:43,808 --> 00:40:46,276
I just love Christmas carols. Don't you?
776
00:40:46,377 --> 00:40:48,174
Just give me a chorus
of Joy to the World,
777
00:40:48,279 --> 00:40:50,076
and I'm as mad as a hatter!
778
00:40:50,181 --> 00:40:51,409
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
779
00:40:52,216 --> 00:40:53,683
- (WHISPERING) They're crazy.
- I know.
780
00:40:53,784 --> 00:40:57,049
So, JP, looking forward to the big day?
781
00:40:57,154 --> 00:40:58,121
What day is that?
782
00:40:58,222 --> 00:41:01,919
The day our precious little ones
"Shuffle off to Buffalo."
783
00:41:02,026 --> 00:41:03,254
I gotta tell you, this road trip
784
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:05,487
has been the greatest experience
for Wendy and I.
785
00:41:05,596 --> 00:41:07,223
I mean, there's just so much
to talk about.
786
00:41:07,331 --> 00:41:10,562
Yeah, it's like we're getting
to know each other all over again.
787
00:41:10,668 --> 00:41:11,965
- Jinx!
- Jinx!
788
00:41:12,069 --> 00:41:14,162
(SINGING) Getting to know you
789
00:41:14,271 --> 00:41:15,295
(INAUDIBLE)
790
00:41:15,406 --> 00:41:17,772
Getting to know all about you
791
00:41:17,875 --> 00:41:20,343
DOUG: (SINGING) Getting to like you
792
00:41:20,444 --> 00:41:22,935
Getting to hope you like me
793
00:41:23,047 --> 00:41:24,947
- I like you.
- I like you, too!
794
00:41:25,049 --> 00:41:29,713
It was an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny
yellow polka-dot bikini
795
00:41:29,820 --> 00:41:32,812
That she wore for the first time today
796
00:41:32,923 --> 00:41:35,790
So, Melanie, what other schools
are you looking at?
797
00:41:35,893 --> 00:41:37,588
Actually, I have an interview
at Georgetown.
798
00:41:37,695 --> 00:41:42,098
Wow! Georgetown, great school!
So what would you study?
799
00:41:42,199 --> 00:41:44,258
Pre-law.
I want to get into the Cooper Program.
800
00:41:44,368 --> 00:41:48,168
The Cooper Program, no way!
I always wanted to go to Japan.
801
00:41:50,007 --> 00:41:52,737
Japan? What about Japan?
802
00:41:52,843 --> 00:41:55,004
Sure, you study abroad
at their sister school.
803
00:41:55,112 --> 00:41:56,875
- Tokyo, right?
- Tokyo?
804
00:42:02,419 --> 00:42:04,717
Here you go.
805
00:42:04,822 --> 00:42:07,655
Look, Doug.
I really appreciate this, man.
806
00:42:07,758 --> 00:42:09,885
Can I help you out
with gas money, anything?
807
00:42:09,994 --> 00:42:11,461
- Gas money?
- Yeah.
808
00:42:11,562 --> 00:42:13,757
We charge hugs in this family.
809
00:42:15,165 --> 00:42:16,860
(DOUG GUFFAWING)
810
00:42:19,703 --> 00:42:21,364
One more for luck!
811
00:42:26,477 --> 00:42:28,001
- Thank you.
- You mean...
812
00:42:28,112 --> 00:42:30,012
(SINGING) So long, farewell
813
00:42:30,114 --> 00:42:31,809
Auf Wiedersehen, adieu
814
00:42:31,916 --> 00:42:33,543
Adieu, adieu
815
00:42:33,651 --> 00:42:35,516
To you and you and you
816
00:42:35,619 --> 00:42:38,281
(HUMMING)
817
00:42:38,389 --> 00:42:41,119
- See you!
- WENDY: Bye! I call shotgun!
818
00:42:43,661 --> 00:42:45,754
Goodbye
819
00:42:45,863 --> 00:42:47,831
Goodbye
820
00:42:47,932 --> 00:42:51,368
Goodbye
821
00:42:51,468 --> 00:42:52,730
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
822
00:42:53,671 --> 00:42:55,730
DOUG: Au revoir!
WENDY: Adi�s!
823
00:42:55,839 --> 00:42:57,704
- See you! Jinx!
- See you! Jinx!
824
00:42:57,841 --> 00:42:59,138
(BOTH LAUGHING)
825
00:43:00,344 --> 00:43:02,369
So... We missed the bus.
826
00:43:02,479 --> 00:43:05,175
But I did manage to get us
a seat on a tour bus.
827
00:43:07,251 --> 00:43:08,650
At least there won't be any singing.
828
00:43:12,256 --> 00:43:17,353
(SINGING) Sister Christian,
oh, the time has come
829
00:43:17,461 --> 00:43:21,363
And you know that you're the only one
830
00:43:21,465 --> 00:43:23,831
To say
831
00:43:23,934 --> 00:43:25,458
Okay
832
00:43:25,569 --> 00:43:27,628
Yeah, this is much better.
833
00:43:31,041 --> 00:43:34,033
It's just one semester.
834
00:43:34,144 --> 00:43:36,339
It's not like
I'm getting a Japanese citizenship.
835
00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:38,312
You want to go
halfway around the world,
836
00:43:38,415 --> 00:43:41,350
and I have to learn about it
in a stranger's car?
837
00:43:41,452 --> 00:43:43,818
I'm just disappointed.
838
00:43:43,921 --> 00:43:45,616
We used to be tight.
839
00:43:45,723 --> 00:43:47,816
I'm sorry, Dad, it's just that I...
840
00:43:47,925 --> 00:43:51,554
You don't tell me about Georgetown.
You don't tell me about Japan.
841
00:43:51,662 --> 00:43:54,460
You didn't even remember
our special song.
842
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:59,299
I feel like I don't know anything
about you anymore.
843
00:44:02,206 --> 00:44:04,572
What are we gonna do about them?
844
00:44:04,675 --> 00:44:06,404
(PEOPLE CLAPPING)
845
00:44:13,550 --> 00:44:15,177
That was great. That was great.
846
00:44:15,285 --> 00:44:17,651
Let me just borrow the mic, sir.
I'm next.
847
00:44:17,755 --> 00:44:21,316
No, let me just... Give me the mic, sir.
Let go of the mic, sir.
848
00:44:24,094 --> 00:44:25,823
Hi, everyone.
849
00:44:25,929 --> 00:44:27,260
Hi.
850
00:44:28,332 --> 00:44:31,824
First, thank you so much
for letting us on this bus.
851
00:44:31,935 --> 00:44:34,369
My family and I,
we're on a very special trip,
852
00:44:34,471 --> 00:44:36,530
and I'd kind of like to sing a song
853
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:40,337
that my father and I used to sing
when I was a little girl.
854
00:44:41,745 --> 00:44:43,042
(CLEARS THROAT)
855
00:44:45,716 --> 00:44:47,513
Okay. Brother.
856
00:44:47,618 --> 00:44:49,882
I'm gonna need you to give me
a little bass on this one, all right?
857
00:44:49,987 --> 00:44:51,011
Like this.
858
00:44:51,255 --> 00:44:53,985
(HUMMING)
859
00:44:55,459 --> 00:44:57,427
(HUMMING)
860
00:44:58,829 --> 00:44:59,989
Who's next?
861
00:45:00,097 --> 00:45:02,497
(HUMMING)
862
00:45:02,599 --> 00:45:03,623
(SINGING) That's it
863
00:45:03,734 --> 00:45:06,794
Gimme a "Ho!"
if you've got your funky bus fare
864
00:45:06,904 --> 00:45:07,928
ALL: Ho!
865
00:45:08,038 --> 00:45:11,565
There's a double dutch bus
coming down the street
866
00:45:11,675 --> 00:45:16,044
Moving pretty fast
So kind of shuffle your feet
867
00:45:16,146 --> 00:45:19,673
Get on the bus and pay your fare
868
00:45:19,783 --> 00:45:23,514
And tell the driver that you're
going to a double dutch affair
869
00:45:23,620 --> 00:45:24,644
Follow me.
870
00:45:24,755 --> 00:45:26,416
Fe fi fo fum
871
00:45:26,523 --> 00:45:28,423
Fe fi fo fum
872
00:45:28,525 --> 00:45:30,550
Well, I'll be darned, here it comes
873
00:45:30,661 --> 00:45:32,595
Well, I'll be darned, here it comes
874
00:45:32,696 --> 00:45:34,630
The double dutch bus is on the street
875
00:45:34,732 --> 00:45:36,359
The double dutch bus is on the street
876
00:45:36,467 --> 00:45:38,765
You better get off the curb
And move your feet
877
00:45:38,869 --> 00:45:40,632
Get off the curb
And move your feet
878
00:45:40,738 --> 00:45:42,763
- Say "Ho!"
- ALL: Ho!
879
00:45:42,873 --> 00:45:44,807
- Say "Ho! Ho!"
- ALL: Ho! Ho!
880
00:45:44,908 --> 00:45:46,808
- Say "Uptown!"
- ALL: Uptown!
881
00:45:46,910 --> 00:45:48,969
- Say "Downtown!"
- ALL: Downtown!
882
00:45:49,079 --> 00:45:51,240
On the count of three
Repeat after me
883
00:45:51,348 --> 00:45:52,781
One, two, three
884
00:45:53,417 --> 00:45:55,214
Bip, bomp, bam, alakazam
885
00:45:55,319 --> 00:45:57,480
But only when you're grooving
With the double dutch man
886
00:45:57,588 --> 00:45:59,317
Bip, bomp, bam, alakazam
887
00:45:59,423 --> 00:46:01,653
But only when you're grooving
With the double dutch man
888
00:46:01,759 --> 00:46:05,752
(HUMMING)
889
00:46:05,863 --> 00:46:09,924
(CROWD HUMMING)
890
00:46:10,033 --> 00:46:14,060
(HUMMING)
891
00:46:14,171 --> 00:46:17,140
(CROWD HUMMING)
892
00:46:17,241 --> 00:46:19,300
Everybody scream
893
00:46:19,443 --> 00:46:23,140
(ALL SCREAMING)
894
00:46:24,782 --> 00:46:26,443
And you said you didn't remember.
895
00:46:26,550 --> 00:46:29,178
Well, of course I remember, Dad.
It's our song.
896
00:46:32,256 --> 00:46:36,488
- Tell me about this Cooper Program.
- Oh, my goodness. It's so exciting.
897
00:46:36,593 --> 00:46:38,857
Okay, so I'm just like all about it.
898
00:46:39,730 --> 00:46:41,129
(INAUDIBLE)
899
00:47:16,099 --> 00:47:18,294
JAMES: You're just going to make a left
down Maples,
900
00:47:18,402 --> 00:47:21,098
three blocks and we're there.
Thank you.
901
00:47:21,205 --> 00:47:23,833
Dad, do you think that
Grandma still knows we're coming?
902
00:47:23,941 --> 00:47:27,468
Well, I didn't call her.
But it's not like she's going anywhere.
903
00:47:27,578 --> 00:47:29,739
Just remember,
she's an old woman now.
904
00:47:29,847 --> 00:47:32,145
She's not as light on her feet.
905
00:47:33,684 --> 00:47:35,675
(LATIN MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
906
00:47:35,786 --> 00:47:36,878
(WHOOPS)
907
00:47:44,528 --> 00:47:45,893
Oh, yeah!
908
00:47:56,306 --> 00:47:59,503
- It's my son!
- Not the control freak!
909
00:47:59,610 --> 00:48:00,736
Hide!
910
00:48:00,844 --> 00:48:04,245
MAN: We've got to get out of here.
WOMAN: No, not there!
911
00:48:05,649 --> 00:48:06,638
Oh!
912
00:48:06,750 --> 00:48:10,379
Come on. What's on your mind?
That won't work.
913
00:48:11,521 --> 00:48:13,182
If you're ever in Okinawa...
914
00:48:13,290 --> 00:48:14,450
- Goodbye!
- Bye!
915
00:48:14,558 --> 00:48:15,786
Bye!
916
00:48:18,395 --> 00:48:21,728
You know they're gonna have that song
in their head for the rest of their life.
917
00:48:21,832 --> 00:48:23,424
Everybody needs a little Double Dutch
in their life.
918
00:48:23,533 --> 00:48:25,000
That's right, that's right.
919
00:48:25,102 --> 00:48:30,404
Oh, wow. Here we are.
Home sweet home.
920
00:48:30,507 --> 00:48:34,372
I just hope the surprise isn't too much
of a shock for her fragile heart.
921
00:48:34,478 --> 00:48:37,174
- She's getting up there in age.
- She's 63.
922
00:48:39,883 --> 00:48:40,941
(DOORBELL RINGS)
923
00:48:41,051 --> 00:48:43,076
One second!
924
00:48:43,186 --> 00:48:44,847
ALL: We're here!
925
00:48:44,955 --> 00:48:46,820
- My goodness!
- TREY: Hi, Grandma.
926
00:48:48,692 --> 00:48:53,152
Not so rough, you'll break her.
Hey, Mama. Good to see you.
927
00:48:53,263 --> 00:48:56,494
WOMAN: Is the coast clear? Hello?
928
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:57,589
Yoo-hoo!
929
00:49:04,308 --> 00:49:07,300
Now, Mama, I know
you like the new security system.
930
00:49:07,411 --> 00:49:09,504
Uh-huh. It's lovely.
931
00:49:14,384 --> 00:49:15,749
Watch this.
932
00:49:17,521 --> 00:49:19,045
Check this out.
933
00:49:24,494 --> 00:49:26,553
- Floodlights.
- Oh, my goodness.
934
00:49:26,663 --> 00:49:31,066
- Pretty impressive, right?
- James, it looks like a football field!
935
00:49:31,168 --> 00:49:35,696
- GIRLS: Melanie!
- Oh, my goodness, I can't believe it!
936
00:49:35,806 --> 00:49:38,536
Oh, my goodness! Hi.
937
00:49:38,642 --> 00:49:42,271
Oh, my gosh! No!
What are you doing here?
938
00:49:42,379 --> 00:49:45,507
- Yeah, what are you all doing here?
- After you couldn't make it yesterday,
939
00:49:45,615 --> 00:49:48,049
we just decided to stay an extra night
at my sister's and surprise you.
940
00:49:48,151 --> 00:49:50,085
You can sleep over at my sister's
like we planned.
941
00:49:50,187 --> 00:49:54,248
This is amazing! Amazing!
This is the bestest, isn't it?
942
00:49:54,358 --> 00:49:56,519
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Totally.
943
00:49:56,626 --> 00:50:00,153
Thank you. Thank you, guys!
Okay, bye, you guys.
944
00:50:00,297 --> 00:50:02,390
You're awesome!
Come on, you guys, let's go.
945
00:50:02,499 --> 00:50:05,696
Don't forget, we got a 10:00 flight
to DC in the morning.
946
00:50:05,802 --> 00:50:07,770
Dad, don't worry. I'll be home by 8:00.
947
00:50:07,871 --> 00:50:10,339
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you!
948
00:50:15,379 --> 00:50:17,313
Good night, James.
949
00:50:17,414 --> 00:50:19,780
You sure you don't want to wait for me
to finish this?
950
00:50:19,883 --> 00:50:22,147
I think I'll survive the night.
951
00:50:26,156 --> 00:50:27,180
(YAWNS)
952
00:50:27,290 --> 00:50:29,588
Albert and I are going to sleep.
953
00:50:31,528 --> 00:50:32,825
Good night, Son.
954
00:50:34,464 --> 00:50:37,558
You still mad at me
for coming on the trip?
955
00:50:37,667 --> 00:50:39,658
Son, no.
956
00:50:39,770 --> 00:50:42,898
No, I could never stay mad at you.
You're my little man.
957
00:50:44,074 --> 00:50:46,770
- I love you, Dad.
- I love you, too, Son.
958
00:50:49,780 --> 00:50:51,873
- Good night.
- Get some rest.
959
00:50:58,889 --> 00:51:01,949
MAN ON TV: The gazelle daughter
remains at its father's side,
960
00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:03,890
seeking protection and security,
961
00:51:03,994 --> 00:51:08,124
for if it veers off, it becomes
vulnerable to a myriad of predators.
962
00:51:08,231 --> 00:51:11,223
What are you doing, gazelle?
Stay with your daddy.
963
00:51:11,334 --> 00:51:14,428
Without the parent's guidance,
the offspring are at the mercy
964
00:51:14,538 --> 00:51:18,372
of the harsh and unforgiving
animal universe.
965
00:51:18,475 --> 00:51:23,378
Let's watch as the cheetah
rips the little gazelle's head clean off.
966
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:26,449
Poor little gazelle, you should have
stayed with your father.
967
00:51:26,583 --> 00:51:27,845
(MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADPHONES)
968
00:51:27,951 --> 00:51:28,975
(HUMMING)
969
00:51:29,753 --> 00:51:31,243
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
970
00:51:34,157 --> 00:51:35,590
(COUGHING)
971
00:51:37,594 --> 00:51:40,290
- Hello?
- Who's this?
972
00:51:40,397 --> 00:51:44,060
- It's Chris.
- Chris? What are you doing there?
973
00:51:44,167 --> 00:51:45,794
Duh, I live here.
974
00:51:46,002 --> 00:51:47,162
Where's Melanie?
975
00:51:47,270 --> 00:51:48,862
I don't know.
I think she's in the shower.
976
00:51:48,972 --> 00:51:50,496
Hey. Hey, Bobbi.
977
00:51:50,607 --> 00:51:52,734
Can you check and see
if Melanie's in the shower?
978
00:51:52,843 --> 00:51:54,071
Shower!
979
00:51:55,979 --> 00:51:58,072
(BIG STUFF PLAYING)
980
00:52:00,750 --> 00:52:02,217
Oh, yeah
981
00:52:02,319 --> 00:52:04,150
(GROANING)
982
00:52:05,856 --> 00:52:08,381
Mr. Big Stuff
983
00:52:08,758 --> 00:52:10,555
Who do you think you are?
984
00:52:10,660 --> 00:52:13,128
Mr. Big Stuff
985
00:52:13,864 --> 00:52:16,424
You're never gonna get my love
986
00:52:16,533 --> 00:52:18,262
Mr. Big Stuff, tell me
987
00:52:18,368 --> 00:52:19,357
(DOORBELL RINGS)
988
00:52:19,469 --> 00:52:21,096
Who do you think you are?
989
00:52:21,204 --> 00:52:22,671
Mr. Big Stuff
990
00:52:24,941 --> 00:52:27,671
- Can I help you?
- I need to see my daughter.
991
00:52:27,777 --> 00:52:30,268
- Who's your daughter?
- Melanie Porter.
992
00:52:30,380 --> 00:52:32,905
She's not a student here,
she's just spending the night.
993
00:52:33,016 --> 00:52:35,382
- It will only take a minute.
- Who is she staying with?
994
00:52:35,485 --> 00:52:37,680
- Katie's sister.
- Katie's sister.
995
00:52:37,787 --> 00:52:38,845
Yeah.
996
00:52:38,955 --> 00:52:40,582
I'm gonna need a little more than that.
997
00:52:40,690 --> 00:52:43,716
Ma'am, it's okay. I'm a police officer.
998
00:52:43,827 --> 00:52:48,594
Oh, thank goodness.
Where's your badge, officer?
999
00:52:48,698 --> 00:52:49,824
It's back at my mom's.
1000
00:52:49,933 --> 00:52:50,922
Oh!
1001
00:52:51,034 --> 00:52:54,697
You still live with your mom.
That's nice.
1002
00:52:54,804 --> 00:52:57,830
Look, I know what this sounds like.
1003
00:52:57,941 --> 00:53:00,739
Sounds like you're not getting in
my sorority.
1004
00:53:00,844 --> 00:53:03,870
- Bye-bye, now.
- Melanie! Melanie!
1005
00:53:04,447 --> 00:53:07,575
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
1006
00:53:07,684 --> 00:53:08,912
Melanie!
1007
00:53:09,152 --> 00:53:11,484
(GIRLS SHOUTING)
1008
00:53:15,759 --> 00:53:17,488
Fight! Fight!
1009
00:53:20,964 --> 00:53:23,899
Mel! Don't touch her! Mel!
1010
00:53:25,068 --> 00:53:26,899
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
1011
00:53:34,411 --> 00:53:38,370
I've got you! Daddy's coming, baby!
Daddy's coming.
1012
00:53:49,092 --> 00:53:50,218
(GROANS)
1013
00:53:51,328 --> 00:53:52,761
(SQUEALING)
1014
00:54:10,914 --> 00:54:12,381
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
1015
00:54:24,461 --> 00:54:26,520
Oh, my goodness, you guys.
1016
00:54:44,547 --> 00:54:49,075
- Mel, should I get my hair highlighted?
- That could be pretty.
1017
00:54:51,154 --> 00:54:53,645
Do you think
I should get color contacts?
1018
00:54:53,757 --> 00:54:56,519
KATIE: That could be pretty.
1019
00:54:56,626 --> 00:55:01,029
- Think I should get sparkly lip gloss?
- MELANIE: That could be pretty.
1020
00:55:01,131 --> 00:55:03,359
I am so glad we had this talk.
1021
00:55:08,271 --> 00:55:10,899
Wow, you actually talked to your dad?
1022
00:55:12,309 --> 00:55:15,472
I talked to him about everything,
my whole plan.
1023
00:55:16,379 --> 00:55:18,643
Major in political science,
minor in American history
1024
00:55:18,748 --> 00:55:21,717
and then to the Cooper Program
for Japan.
1025
00:55:21,818 --> 00:55:22,807
Wow.
1026
00:55:22,919 --> 00:55:25,649
He was actually excited
to hear about it.
1027
00:55:27,557 --> 00:55:30,583
I think I might've misjudged him
this whole time.
1028
00:55:30,694 --> 00:55:33,959
It's the first time I remember us
having a real conversation.
1029
00:55:34,064 --> 00:55:37,192
He listened to me.
He treated me like an adult.
1030
00:55:39,836 --> 00:55:43,101
I know he's done a lot of crazy things
in the past,
1031
00:55:43,673 --> 00:55:45,971
but on the bus, it was different.
1032
00:55:46,242 --> 00:55:47,539
He changed.
1033
00:55:50,714 --> 00:55:55,117
I think he actually trusts me to be on
my own and make my own decisions.
1034
00:56:07,230 --> 00:56:08,629
- Georgetown!
- Georgetown!
1035
00:56:08,732 --> 00:56:09,824
(SQUEALING)
1036
00:56:10,233 --> 00:56:13,396
(POP SONG PLAYING ON RADIO)
1037
00:56:13,536 --> 00:56:14,833
(SNORING)
1038
00:56:20,276 --> 00:56:21,243
(MUSIC STOPS)
1039
00:56:21,344 --> 00:56:22,470
(SNORING CONTINUES)
1040
00:56:29,018 --> 00:56:31,179
(BOTH SCREAMING)
1041
00:56:33,823 --> 00:56:34,812
(BLOWING WHISTLE)
1042
00:56:34,924 --> 00:56:38,792
No, no. I'm a father! Listen, calm down!
1043
00:56:39,662 --> 00:56:41,186
I knew it.
1044
00:56:41,631 --> 00:56:42,689
(TASER BUZZING)
1045
00:56:42,799 --> 00:56:45,131
No, this... This ain't what it looks...
1046
00:56:45,301 --> 00:56:48,065
(TASER BUZZING)
1047
00:56:49,072 --> 00:56:50,164
(THUDDING)
1048
00:56:53,643 --> 00:56:57,079
Where is he? Still no answer.
We're gonna miss our flight.
1049
00:56:57,180 --> 00:56:58,738
You gotta line up the colors.
1050
00:56:58,848 --> 00:57:00,076
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1051
00:57:00,984 --> 00:57:03,350
Hello? Yes, this is she.
1052
00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:07,849
What? He's where?
1053
00:57:08,892 --> 00:57:11,087
(SIGHS) I cannot believe this.
1054
00:57:14,764 --> 00:57:18,757
For the last time, I have to
get my daughter to Georgetown.
1055
00:57:18,868 --> 00:57:21,029
Right. Sure, yeah.
1056
00:57:26,376 --> 00:57:27,365
(DOORBELL BUZZES)
1057
00:57:27,477 --> 00:57:28,671
Come in.
1058
00:57:32,248 --> 00:57:35,877
Hi, my name is Melanie Porter.
I got a call about my father. Is he okay?
1059
00:57:35,985 --> 00:57:39,648
The individual in custody was
discovered this morning on campus
1060
00:57:39,756 --> 00:57:44,693
sleeping underneath a girl's bed
at the Omega Psi Lambda house.
1061
00:57:44,794 --> 00:57:47,558
Mel! My baby girl.
1062
00:57:47,664 --> 00:57:49,427
You ain't gonna believe
what happened.
1063
00:57:49,532 --> 00:57:52,467
I tried calling you,
and some guy answered the phone.
1064
00:57:52,569 --> 00:57:55,094
- And it was kind of...
- This man is not my father.
1065
00:57:55,205 --> 00:57:56,297
Melanie Porter.
1066
00:57:56,406 --> 00:57:58,704
Because my father would never
cross the line like that.
1067
00:57:58,808 --> 00:58:01,572
He would trust me
to make smart choices.
1068
00:58:03,112 --> 00:58:05,876
- Excuse me, but I have a flight to catch.
- Mel.
1069
00:58:05,982 --> 00:58:08,007
Mel! Don't walk away from... Mel!
1070
00:58:10,687 --> 00:58:11,881
(SNIFFLING)
1071
00:58:20,530 --> 00:58:22,725
Roger Wilco. Over and out.
1072
00:58:29,873 --> 00:58:32,171
Free to go. Someone sprung you.
1073
00:58:40,416 --> 00:58:41,610
James.
1074
00:58:42,852 --> 00:58:46,811
Mama, what's going on?
And where's Melanie and Trey?
1075
00:58:48,324 --> 00:58:52,693
Trey's taking Albert for a walk, and
Melanie's trying to catch her plane.
1076
00:58:52,795 --> 00:58:55,059
And you let her go without me?
1077
00:58:55,164 --> 00:58:56,756
Sit down, James.
1078
00:58:59,802 --> 00:59:02,202
Melanie told me what happened
at Northwestern.
1079
00:59:02,305 --> 00:59:03,431
I can explain that.
1080
00:59:03,540 --> 00:59:05,337
You didn't want her
to go to Georgetown,
1081
00:59:05,441 --> 00:59:08,035
so you concocted some ridiculous plan.
1082
00:59:08,144 --> 00:59:10,044
I'm just trying to keep everybody safe.
1083
00:59:10,146 --> 00:59:12,137
(SCOFFS) James.
1084
00:59:12,248 --> 00:59:15,911
You took my home and you turned it
into a high-security prison.
1085
00:59:16,019 --> 00:59:18,078
You can't even let her spend the night
with some friends
1086
00:59:18,187 --> 00:59:20,121
without creeping around
like a cat burglar.
1087
00:59:20,223 --> 00:59:21,918
What do you expect me to do?
1088
00:59:22,025 --> 00:59:26,052
How am I supposed to know she's safe
if she goes all the way to Washington?
1089
00:59:26,296 --> 00:59:30,096
James, how do you think I felt
when you left to join the army?
1090
00:59:30,199 --> 00:59:33,430
- I don't know, Mama.
- I was terrified!
1091
00:59:33,536 --> 00:59:37,734
I worried about you all the time.
I still do.
1092
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:42,607
But you had to follow your own path,
and I had to let you leave the nest.
1093
00:59:42,712 --> 00:59:46,671
I wanted you home
every day you were gone,
1094
00:59:46,783 --> 00:59:48,512
but I had to trust you.
1095
00:59:48,618 --> 00:59:52,349
I had to trust
that you could take care of yourself.
1096
00:59:52,455 --> 00:59:56,858
And I had to believe in you.
So why can't you believe in her?
1097
01:00:25,021 --> 01:00:27,455
- I'll see you back at home.
- Is Mom gonna kill me?
1098
01:00:27,557 --> 01:00:30,390
I got your back on this one.
Just don't let it happen again.
1099
01:00:30,493 --> 01:00:32,324
- Good luck.
- You'll need this.
1100
01:00:32,428 --> 01:00:34,760
- Mama, I love you.
- I love you, too, Son.
1101
01:00:34,864 --> 01:00:36,161
TREY: Bye, Dad.
1102
01:00:41,170 --> 01:00:44,264
Excuse me.
The flight to DC, has it left yet?
1103
01:00:44,374 --> 01:00:47,275
I'm sorry, sir.
I'm afraid you've missed it.
1104
01:00:58,154 --> 01:00:59,121
Mel.
1105
01:01:03,059 --> 01:01:04,185
Hi.
1106
01:01:05,828 --> 01:01:07,261
You missed the flight.
1107
01:01:07,363 --> 01:01:09,854
I wouldn't have if you hadn't
gotten yourself arrested.
1108
01:01:09,966 --> 01:01:13,094
- Mel, look. I was...
- Dad, listen.
1109
01:01:13,202 --> 01:01:16,330
Georgetown is... It's over.
1110
01:01:16,439 --> 01:01:18,100
You know, you're getting
exactly what you wanted.
1111
01:01:18,207 --> 01:01:20,539
Me, closer to home.
1112
01:01:20,643 --> 01:01:22,907
Baby, that's what I came here
to tell you.
1113
01:01:23,012 --> 01:01:24,411
I don't want that anymore.
1114
01:01:24,514 --> 01:01:26,880
- What are you talking about?
- You know...
1115
01:01:28,117 --> 01:01:30,642
Dads don't know everything.
1116
01:01:30,753 --> 01:01:33,483
We just try to do the best we can.
1117
01:01:33,589 --> 01:01:35,750
Last night, when I came
to the sorority house?
1118
01:01:35,858 --> 01:01:37,883
I was trying to protect you.
1119
01:01:37,994 --> 01:01:41,589
That's what I do. I protect people.
1120
01:01:41,698 --> 01:01:43,928
Now, sometimes I go too far.
1121
01:01:44,033 --> 01:01:47,093
- In this case, I went way too far.
- Dad...
1122
01:01:47,203 --> 01:01:49,364
No, baby, look. I love you.
1123
01:01:49,472 --> 01:01:54,535
But I was so into what I wanted for you
that I couldn't see what you wanted.
1124
01:01:54,644 --> 01:01:56,839
I want what every girl wants.
1125
01:01:59,048 --> 01:02:02,449
I want a dad who loves me,
who adores me.
1126
01:02:02,552 --> 01:02:05,578
I want you to know
that you raised a really good girl.
1127
01:02:05,688 --> 01:02:07,588
I want you to trust me.
1128
01:02:13,930 --> 01:02:17,525
Guess I still see you as that
little six-year-old girl
1129
01:02:17,633 --> 01:02:19,828
singing Double Dutch Bus.
1130
01:02:20,937 --> 01:02:24,134
I'm not that little girl anymore, Daddy.
1131
01:02:24,240 --> 01:02:26,435
I've grown up.
1132
01:02:26,542 --> 01:02:30,740
Reality is,
you've shown me I can trust you.
1133
01:02:32,215 --> 01:02:33,512
You have.
1134
01:02:35,451 --> 01:02:37,783
Okay, I'll make a deal with you.
1135
01:02:39,255 --> 01:02:43,123
No more my plan, only your plan.
1136
01:02:43,226 --> 01:02:45,626
Now let's get you to Georgetown.
1137
01:02:45,728 --> 01:02:46,956
Deal.
1138
01:02:47,163 --> 01:02:48,255
(GIGGLES)
1139
01:02:51,567 --> 01:02:55,901
I don't care if Bob's here or not,
we got to be in DC by 3:30.
1140
01:02:56,005 --> 01:03:00,101
DC. Flow with me, Mel. Flow with me!
1141
01:03:01,043 --> 01:03:03,170
Excuse me. Excuse me!
1142
01:03:06,382 --> 01:03:10,045
- Is the plane going to Washington?
- Yeah, but it's for team members only.
1143
01:03:10,153 --> 01:03:13,145
We got a police emergency.
You have to let us on that plane.
1144
01:03:13,256 --> 01:03:16,487
- Are you guys divers?
- Yeah.
1145
01:03:16,592 --> 01:03:18,583
Big time. Huge divers.
1146
01:03:21,798 --> 01:03:23,959
Since I was a baby.
1147
01:03:24,066 --> 01:03:25,931
Well, climb on board.
1148
01:03:28,905 --> 01:03:31,874
(DON'T BRING ME DOWN PLAYING)
1149
01:03:39,282 --> 01:03:42,479
You got me runnin'
goin' out of my mind
1150
01:03:42,585 --> 01:03:45,918
You got me thinkin'
that I'm wastin' my time
1151
01:03:46,022 --> 01:03:48,115
Don't bring me down
1152
01:03:48,524 --> 01:03:51,391
No, no, no, no, no
1153
01:03:54,597 --> 01:03:58,158
I'll tell you once more
before I get off the floor
1154
01:03:58,267 --> 01:04:01,293
Don't bring me down, down, down
1155
01:04:01,404 --> 01:04:03,804
- We did it.
- Yeah. We did it.
1156
01:04:07,543 --> 01:04:08,942
Excuse me.
1157
01:04:09,045 --> 01:04:13,311
I never heard of a diving team
having their own plane.
1158
01:04:13,416 --> 01:04:16,317
Be pretty hard to do our thing
without one.
1159
01:04:17,486 --> 01:04:21,388
I thought all you'd need is
a swimming pool and a bouncy board.
1160
01:04:21,490 --> 01:04:23,981
Wrong kind of diving team, man!
1161
01:04:24,093 --> 01:04:26,721
Well, what sort of diving team are you?
1162
01:04:32,268 --> 01:04:34,327
(BOTH SCREAMING)
1163
01:04:36,138 --> 01:04:37,503
Rock and roll!
1164
01:04:37,607 --> 01:04:38,631
(WHOOPING)
1165
01:04:38,741 --> 01:04:42,302
Dad! Dad, a skydiving team!
1166
01:04:42,411 --> 01:04:46,142
You mean, we're not landing in DC?
1167
01:04:46,249 --> 01:04:48,809
We are, but the plane's not.
1168
01:04:48,918 --> 01:04:52,081
But we got to get to Georgetown now!
1169
01:04:52,188 --> 01:04:55,021
There's only one way
that's gonna happen!
1170
01:04:57,493 --> 01:04:58,755
(SHOUTS)
1171
01:05:01,464 --> 01:05:03,125
USA!
1172
01:05:04,467 --> 01:05:05,729
(SCREAMING)
1173
01:05:06,168 --> 01:05:07,567
USA!
1174
01:05:07,670 --> 01:05:12,369
Don't bring me down
1175
01:05:12,475 --> 01:05:15,035
What happened to the girl
I used to know?
1176
01:05:15,144 --> 01:05:16,304
(BOTH SCREAMING)
1177
01:05:16,412 --> 01:05:19,677
You let your mind out
somewhere down the road
1178
01:05:19,782 --> 01:05:22,615
Don't bring me down
1179
01:05:22,718 --> 01:05:24,481
No, no, no, no, no
1180
01:05:24,587 --> 01:05:26,851
- We can do this! Okay!
- Okay!
1181
01:05:26,956 --> 01:05:28,480
We got to get to Georgetown!
1182
01:05:28,591 --> 01:05:30,354
Okay, Daddy!
1183
01:05:30,459 --> 01:05:32,427
All right. One!
1184
01:05:32,528 --> 01:05:34,928
Two! Three!
1185
01:05:35,031 --> 01:05:37,522
(SCREAMING)
1186
01:05:43,572 --> 01:05:45,369
Now that's a great dad!
1187
01:05:45,841 --> 01:05:48,639
You got me shakin',
got me runnin' away
1188
01:05:48,744 --> 01:05:50,177
Don't bring me down
1189
01:05:50,279 --> 01:05:52,543
Dad! Pull the cord!
1190
01:05:52,648 --> 01:05:54,980
- What?
- Pull the cord!
1191
01:05:55,084 --> 01:05:57,609
Oh, yeah, the cord!
1192
01:06:01,223 --> 01:06:04,021
Don't bring me down
1193
01:06:06,429 --> 01:06:08,124
(CHUCKLING)
1194
01:06:09,498 --> 01:06:11,295
Sorry about the wedding, Lou.
1195
01:06:11,400 --> 01:06:13,095
Nice try, Phil.
1196
01:06:13,202 --> 01:06:14,965
But you're not going to psych me out.
1197
01:06:15,071 --> 01:06:19,201
After I make this putt,
you owe me $20,000.
1198
01:06:20,676 --> 01:06:21,802
(CHUCKLES)
1199
01:06:23,112 --> 01:06:25,546
Happy days are here again.
1200
01:06:26,482 --> 01:06:28,245
- Look out!
- Look out!
1201
01:06:28,918 --> 01:06:30,078
(SCREAMING)
1202
01:06:30,653 --> 01:06:31,915
(GROANING)
1203
01:06:36,459 --> 01:06:37,983
That was weird.
1204
01:06:40,930 --> 01:06:42,420
What happened?
1205
01:06:44,934 --> 01:06:47,129
How do you get out of this?
1206
01:06:47,236 --> 01:06:49,898
- Sorry about that. You okay?
- You?
1207
01:06:50,006 --> 01:06:51,598
- Oh, no.
- You!
1208
01:06:51,707 --> 01:06:53,834
I'm real sorry about your wedding.
1209
01:06:53,943 --> 01:06:57,401
- I'm going to kill you and your little pig!
- Gotta go.
1210
01:06:57,513 --> 01:06:59,413
Let's go! That way! That way!
1211
01:07:00,916 --> 01:07:04,647
- That's my cart!
- Move! Move!
1212
01:07:04,754 --> 01:07:06,949
MELANIE: I can see the campus
right over there!
1213
01:07:07,056 --> 01:07:09,957
Ten minutes to spare.
Ain't no stopping us now.
1214
01:07:10,059 --> 01:07:12,653
- Dad!
- Surprise!
1215
01:07:12,762 --> 01:07:14,024
Are you out of your mind?
1216
01:07:14,130 --> 01:07:15,119
(CHORTLING)
1217
01:07:15,231 --> 01:07:17,358
Hand me the four-iron, Mel.
1218
01:07:18,434 --> 01:07:19,958
Take the wheel.
1219
01:07:22,705 --> 01:07:24,104
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
1220
01:07:26,475 --> 01:07:28,705
- How we looking?
- Looking good!
1221
01:07:29,345 --> 01:07:31,142
(BOTH SCREAMING)
1222
01:07:34,183 --> 01:07:35,150
(HONKING)
1223
01:07:36,552 --> 01:07:37,712
(WHOOPING)
1224
01:07:41,957 --> 01:07:42,981
(SCREAMING)
1225
01:07:57,506 --> 01:07:59,474
Is this part of the initiation?
1226
01:08:00,176 --> 01:08:01,438
MELANIE: Get out of the way!
1227
01:08:01,544 --> 01:08:02,636
(HONKING)
1228
01:08:04,914 --> 01:08:06,939
All right. Come on.
We got one minute to go!
1229
01:08:07,049 --> 01:08:10,314
- Go, Mel! Go, Mel! Go, Mel!
- I'm going! I'm going!
1230
01:08:11,687 --> 01:08:13,314
Daddy, elevator!
1231
01:08:15,691 --> 01:08:17,158
(ALL SHOUTING)
1232
01:08:17,893 --> 01:08:19,224
Wrong door!
1233
01:08:20,529 --> 01:08:21,962
Go! Go, move!
1234
01:08:22,064 --> 01:08:24,555
MELANIE: Work, work, work, work!
Come on.
1235
01:08:27,103 --> 01:08:28,070
(CRASHING)
1236
01:08:29,071 --> 01:08:31,562
Sorry. I'm so very sorry about that one.
1237
01:08:31,674 --> 01:08:32,971
(GRUNTING)
1238
01:08:34,743 --> 01:08:36,711
Daddy, get it off of me!
1239
01:08:38,814 --> 01:08:40,281
(GRUNTING)
1240
01:08:43,652 --> 01:08:45,449
Hi. My name is Melanie Porter.
1241
01:08:45,554 --> 01:08:49,388
I have an interview
with the admissions committee.
1242
01:08:49,492 --> 01:08:51,187
Of course.
1243
01:08:51,293 --> 01:08:52,988
Porter, Porter, Porter...
1244
01:08:54,830 --> 01:08:57,628
You made it just in time, Miss Porter.
1245
01:08:57,733 --> 01:08:59,064
They're all waiting for you,
right in there.
1246
01:08:59,168 --> 01:09:00,465
Yes! Yes!
1247
01:09:04,206 --> 01:09:05,673
How do I look?
1248
01:09:05,774 --> 01:09:08,436
- Like an angel. All right.
- Thanks, Dad.
1249
01:09:11,747 --> 01:09:13,408
That was horrible.
1250
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:20,215
- Aren't you going in?
- MAN: Next, please.
1251
01:09:25,594 --> 01:09:27,061
Mel.
1252
01:09:27,163 --> 01:09:28,255
What?
1253
01:09:30,166 --> 01:09:31,133
(SIGHS)
1254
01:09:33,435 --> 01:09:34,800
I'm afraid.
1255
01:09:35,905 --> 01:09:39,500
Well, guess what? I was afraid, too.
1256
01:09:39,608 --> 01:09:41,906
Dad, what are you afraid of?
1257
01:09:42,011 --> 01:09:44,445
I was afraid that if I let you go,
1258
01:09:44,547 --> 01:09:47,175
that you'd never
need your daddy again.
1259
01:09:49,318 --> 01:09:51,548
But I'm always gonna need you.
1260
01:09:52,321 --> 01:09:56,758
Mel, this is what you gotta do.
Go in there with all confidence.
1261
01:09:56,859 --> 01:09:59,919
Keep your head up. And do your best.
1262
01:10:01,397 --> 01:10:03,228
All you can do is win.
1263
01:10:05,267 --> 01:10:08,361
Yeah, I like that.
1264
01:10:08,470 --> 01:10:12,270
And if they don't accept you after that,
it's their loss.
1265
01:10:15,778 --> 01:10:17,871
I'm so glad you're my dad.
1266
01:10:22,818 --> 01:10:25,082
Time for you to shine, baby.
1267
01:10:28,057 --> 01:10:30,218
I'm gonna let you go now.
1268
01:10:32,428 --> 01:10:34,225
Time to go.
1269
01:10:47,343 --> 01:10:48,867
Let's go, Trey.
1270
01:10:50,546 --> 01:10:52,673
- Melanie Porter.
- Porter.
1271
01:10:52,781 --> 01:10:57,514
Here we go. Room 217.
I just checked in your neighbor.
1272
01:10:57,620 --> 01:10:59,019
You did? Really? Who is it?
1273
01:10:59,121 --> 01:11:01,055
(SCREAMING)
1274
01:11:01,156 --> 01:11:04,557
I don't believe it! Can you believe it?
1275
01:11:04,660 --> 01:11:08,152
- I'm in Room 218!
- I don't believe it.
1276
01:11:09,665 --> 01:11:10,996
My gosh!
1277
01:11:11,100 --> 01:11:15,799
You inspired me to apply here,
and now we're gonna be neighbors!
1278
01:11:15,904 --> 01:11:19,305
I have to go get my dad.
He's gonna be so excited to see you!
1279
01:11:19,408 --> 01:11:21,706
- Dad?
- Surprise!
1280
01:11:23,512 --> 01:11:25,810
James! How are you?
1281
01:11:25,914 --> 01:11:29,350
It's so good to see you.
Oh, this is my wife, Sugarplum.
1282
01:11:29,451 --> 01:11:30,748
Hi!
1283
01:11:31,253 --> 01:11:33,380
(BOTH GROWLING)
1284
01:11:33,489 --> 01:11:35,650
This is my sugarplum, Michelle.
1285
01:11:35,758 --> 01:11:38,192
Hello, Michelle.
It's so nice to meet you.
1286
01:11:38,294 --> 01:11:40,387
- Hello, Michelle.
- Hi.
1287
01:11:40,496 --> 01:11:45,866
So, our daughters are staying
in the same dorm? How crazy is that?
1288
01:11:45,968 --> 01:11:47,663
You know what I'm thinking?
1289
01:11:47,770 --> 01:11:50,170
- Booster club karaoke party!
- Booster club karaoke party!
1290
01:11:51,340 --> 01:11:53,240
A little more singing.
A little more singing!
1291
01:11:53,342 --> 01:11:55,207
Absolutely!
1292
01:11:55,311 --> 01:11:56,903
- Come on, poopsie.
- Okay!
1293
01:11:59,148 --> 01:12:00,206
Hey.
1294
01:12:01,183 --> 01:12:02,946
(SINGING) People
1295
01:12:03,052 --> 01:12:05,077
People who need people
1296
01:12:05,187 --> 01:12:06,176
(FLY BUZZING)
1297
01:12:06,288 --> 01:12:07,880
Are the...
1298
01:12:07,990 --> 01:12:09,651
(COUGHING)
1299
01:12:10,459 --> 01:12:12,120
I swallowed a bug.
1300
01:12:14,129 --> 01:12:15,528
Wait for me!
1301
01:12:16,632 --> 01:12:19,066
I can't help it. I like that guy.
1302
01:12:26,275 --> 01:12:27,572
Our baby.
1303
01:12:38,554 --> 01:12:39,885
This is it.
1304
01:12:41,023 --> 01:12:42,615
Come here, baby.
1305
01:13:00,609 --> 01:13:03,271
I never thought this day would come.
1306
01:13:03,379 --> 01:13:06,348
I did. But I'm proud of you.
1307
01:13:09,284 --> 01:13:10,751
Thank you, Daddy.
1308
01:13:15,257 --> 01:13:17,282
I love you.
1309
01:13:17,393 --> 01:13:19,918
I love you, beautiful.
1310
01:13:20,028 --> 01:13:22,792
I'll see you at Thanksgiving, all right?
1311
01:14:08,177 --> 01:14:09,303
(INAUDIBLE)
1312
01:14:17,152 --> 01:14:18,676
(INAUDIBLE)
1313
01:14:20,456 --> 01:14:24,449
(INAUDIBLE)
1314
01:14:37,606 --> 01:14:40,166
It'll be okay.
1315
01:14:40,275 --> 01:14:43,540
- Where does the time go?
- Yeah.
1316
01:14:44,446 --> 01:14:46,846
Come on, baby. Let's head home.
1317
01:14:50,419 --> 01:14:52,649
JAMES: Trey? Five minutes, dinner.
1318
01:14:52,754 --> 01:14:54,153
TREY: Coming, Dad.
1319
01:14:56,024 --> 01:14:58,891
I can't believe
it's been three months already.
1320
01:14:58,994 --> 01:15:01,326
I just hope
she hasn't changed too much.
1321
01:15:01,430 --> 01:15:04,627
Well, how changed could she be?
You talk to her every week.
1322
01:15:04,733 --> 01:15:05,893
(GRUNTING)
1323
01:15:07,436 --> 01:15:09,370
Where did Albert get that hat?
1324
01:15:09,471 --> 01:15:14,340
(SINGING) Over the river and through
the woods to the Porters' house we go
1325
01:15:14,443 --> 01:15:16,775
I love this guy! Oh, what a gas!
1326
01:15:16,879 --> 01:15:18,039
Come on, James!
1327
01:15:18,146 --> 01:15:20,637
The karaoke's all set up.
We're going to sing and dance!
1328
01:15:20,749 --> 01:15:22,239
No, maybe after we eat.
1329
01:15:22,351 --> 01:15:23,943
We don't want to start singing
without the girls.
1330
01:15:24,052 --> 01:15:26,680
- Okay, all right.
- That was Melanie and Wendy.
1331
01:15:26,788 --> 01:15:30,224
They're two minutes away.
I can't wait to meet Tracy.
1332
01:15:30,325 --> 01:15:31,690
- Tracy?
- JAMES: Yeah.
1333
01:15:31,793 --> 01:15:33,590
That's a friend of hers from school.
1334
01:15:33,695 --> 01:15:36,687
They're gonna be studying in Japan
together next semester.
1335
01:15:36,798 --> 01:15:37,992
Now, James,
1336
01:15:38,100 --> 01:15:40,864
you promised me you're not
gonna make a big fuss about Japan.
1337
01:15:40,969 --> 01:15:43,233
No, this is the new James Porter.
1338
01:15:43,338 --> 01:15:47,741
New and improved.
There's nothing I can't handle. I'm cool.
1339
01:15:47,843 --> 01:15:48,867
- We're here!
- We're here!
1340
01:15:48,977 --> 01:15:50,569
Mel-bear!
1341
01:15:50,679 --> 01:15:52,374
(EXCLAIMING)
1342
01:15:53,916 --> 01:15:54,940
MELANIE: Look at you,
you look fabulous!
1343
01:15:55,050 --> 01:15:56,176
JAMES: You look fabulous.
1344
01:15:56,285 --> 01:16:00,346
Thank you.
Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Tracy.
1345
01:16:02,925 --> 01:16:03,892
Uh-oh.
1346
01:16:08,363 --> 01:16:09,523
(GRUNTING)
1347
01:16:11,099 --> 01:16:13,624
Nice to meet you, Mr. Porter.
Mrs. Porter.
1348
01:16:13,735 --> 01:16:15,999
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
1349
01:16:16,939 --> 01:16:18,201
Tracy.
1350
01:16:19,675 --> 01:16:21,368
- You're a guy.
- Mmm-hmm.
1351
01:16:21,476 --> 01:16:23,535
Yeah. Yeah, I'm a guy.
1352
01:16:23,645 --> 01:16:26,705
(WHISPERING) Say "nice to meet you."
1353
01:16:26,815 --> 01:16:28,680
Nice to meet...
1354
01:16:30,919 --> 01:16:34,047
- Nice to meet you, Tracy.
- There you go.
1355
01:16:34,156 --> 01:16:35,851
Thanks. Thank you, sir.
1356
01:16:35,958 --> 01:16:40,861
James, I am so proud of you.
It takes a good dad to accept anything.
1357
01:16:40,963 --> 01:16:44,626
I'm so happy you just said that!
Scooter!
1358
01:16:44,733 --> 01:16:48,999
- Ding-dong!
- Dad, everyone, this is Scooter!
1359
01:16:49,104 --> 01:16:52,335
And Scooter and I are getting married!
1360
01:16:52,441 --> 01:16:53,669
Dad!
1361
01:16:54,643 --> 01:16:56,838
(SINGING) Getting to know you
1362
01:16:56,945 --> 01:16:58,412
Getting to know all...
1363
01:16:58,513 --> 01:16:59,775
(SCREAMING)
1364
01:16:59,881 --> 01:17:00,973
(SCREAMING)
1365
01:17:02,618 --> 01:17:03,585
(THUDDING)
1366
01:17:06,688 --> 01:17:08,178
(RIGHT BACK WHERE
WE STARTED FROM PLAYING)
1367
01:17:10,759 --> 01:17:13,694
Oh, and it's all right and it's coming on
1368
01:17:13,795 --> 01:17:17,561
We got to get right back
to where we started from
1369
01:17:17,666 --> 01:17:20,226
Love is good, love can be strong
1370
01:17:20,335 --> 01:17:24,066
We got to get right back
to where we started from
1371
01:17:30,679 --> 01:17:32,874
Do you remember that day
1372
01:17:32,981 --> 01:17:34,505
That sunny day
1373
01:17:34,616 --> 01:17:37,676
When you first came my way
1374
01:17:37,786 --> 01:17:41,381
I said no one can take your place
1375
01:17:44,026 --> 01:17:45,618
And if you get hurt
1376
01:17:45,727 --> 01:17:47,194
If you get hurt
1377
01:17:47,295 --> 01:17:50,389
By the little things I say
1378
01:17:50,499 --> 01:17:55,402
I can put that smile back on your face
1379
01:17:55,804 --> 01:17:59,240
Oh, it's all right and it's coming on
1380
01:17:59,341 --> 01:18:03,038
We got to get right back
to where we started from
1381
01:18:03,145 --> 01:18:05,841
Love is good, love can be strong
1382
01:18:05,947 --> 01:18:09,610
We got to get right back
to where we started from
1383
01:18:09,718 --> 01:18:12,346
Oh, it's all right and it's coming on
1384
01:18:12,454 --> 01:18:16,117
We got to get right back
to where we started from
1385
01:18:16,224 --> 01:18:18,692
Love is good, love can be strong
1386
01:18:18,794 --> 01:18:22,127
We got to get right back
to where we started from
1387
01:18:22,230 --> 01:18:25,131
Oh, it's all right and it's coming on
1388
01:18:25,233 --> 01:18:26,530
We got to get right...
1389
01:18:28,203 --> 01:18:30,171
(DOUBLE DUTCH BUS PLAYING)
1390
01:18:30,272 --> 01:18:33,833
Give me a "Ho" if you've got
your funky bus fare
1391
01:18:33,942 --> 01:18:35,341
Ho
1392
01:18:38,313 --> 01:18:40,508
You know you wanna jump
on the double dutch bus
1393
01:18:40,615 --> 01:18:42,515
So take a ride
we're waiting in the clutch
1394
01:18:42,617 --> 01:18:47,020
There's a double dutch bus
coming down the street
1395
01:18:47,122 --> 01:18:50,853
Moving pretty fast,
so kind of shuffle your feet
1396
01:18:51,560 --> 01:18:55,052
Get on the bus and pay your fare
1397
01:18:55,163 --> 01:18:56,653
And tell the driver that you're
1398
01:18:56,765 --> 01:18:58,960
Going to a double dutch affair
1399
01:18:59,067 --> 01:19:00,056
Follow me
1400
01:19:00,168 --> 01:19:01,795
Fe fi fo fum
1401
01:19:01,903 --> 01:19:03,871
Fe fi fo fum
1402
01:19:03,972 --> 01:19:05,906
Well, I'll be darned, here it comes
1403
01:19:06,007 --> 01:19:08,032
Well, I'll be darned, here it comes
1404
01:19:08,143 --> 01:19:09,940
The double dutch bus is on the street
1405
01:19:10,045 --> 01:19:11,842
The double dutch bus is on the street
1406
01:19:11,947 --> 01:19:14,245
You better get on the floor
Move your feet
1407
01:19:14,349 --> 01:19:16,317
Get on the floor, move your feet
1408
01:19:16,418 --> 01:19:20,946
Ooh, get on the double dutch bus
1409
01:19:21,590 --> 01:19:23,057
Double dutch bus
1410
01:19:23,158 --> 01:19:24,625
Jump on it, on it
1411
01:19:24,726 --> 01:19:29,220
Ooh, get on the double dutch bus
1412
01:19:29,898 --> 01:19:31,297
The double dutch bus
1413
01:19:31,399 --> 01:19:32,388
Jump on it, on it
1414
01:19:32,501 --> 01:19:36,494
Now I've missed my bus
and I know that I'm late
1415
01:19:36,605 --> 01:19:40,632
I gotta do something
that I know I'm gonna hate
1416
01:19:40,742 --> 01:19:45,042
I gotta walk to work fifteen blocks
1417
01:19:45,147 --> 01:19:48,810
I just started, I already got
a hole in my socks
1418
01:19:48,917 --> 01:19:49,906
Have a look now
1419
01:19:50,018 --> 01:19:51,508
Fe fi fo fum
1420
01:19:51,620 --> 01:19:53,349
Fe fi fo fum
1421
01:19:53,455 --> 01:19:55,548
Well, I'll be darned, here it comes
1422
01:19:55,657 --> 01:19:57,488
Well, I'll be darned, here it comes
1423
01:19:57,592 --> 01:19:59,822
The double dutch bus is on the street
1424
01:19:59,928 --> 01:20:01,589
The double dutch bus is on the street
1425
01:20:01,696 --> 01:20:03,926
You better get on the floor
Move your feet
1426
01:20:04,032 --> 01:20:06,364
Get on the floor, move your feet
1427
01:20:06,468 --> 01:20:10,996
Ooh, get on the double dutch bus
1428
01:20:11,106 --> 01:20:13,040
The double dutch bus
1429
01:20:13,141 --> 01:20:14,403
Jump on it, on it
1430
01:20:14,509 --> 01:20:19,446
Ooh, get on the double dutch bus
1431
01:20:19,548 --> 01:20:21,311
The double dutch bus
1432
01:20:21,416 --> 01:20:22,405
Jump on it, on it
1433
01:20:22,517 --> 01:20:24,178
- Say "Ho!"
- Ho
1434
01:20:24,286 --> 01:20:26,447
- Say "Ho! Ho!"
- Ho! Ho!
1435
01:20:26,555 --> 01:20:28,420
- Say "Uptown!"
- Uptown!
1436
01:20:28,523 --> 01:20:30,923
- Say "Downtown"
- Downtown
1437
01:20:31,026 --> 01:20:34,018
Wizzo izzay izzle in this double dizuch
1438
01:20:34,129 --> 01:20:36,359
- One time
- Dizouble dizuch
1439
01:20:36,464 --> 01:20:38,159
- Two time
- Dizouble dizuch
1440
01:20:38,266 --> 01:20:39,290
Sing along now
1441
01:20:39,401 --> 01:20:42,734
Wizzo izzay izzle in this double dizuch
1442
01:20:42,838 --> 01:20:45,170
Dizouble dizuch
1443
01:20:45,273 --> 01:20:46,570
Dizouble dizuch
1444
01:20:46,675 --> 01:20:47,972
Now scream
1445
01:20:48,076 --> 01:20:51,375
Come along and ride it
1446
01:20:51,479 --> 01:20:52,446
Yeah
1447
01:20:54,349 --> 01:20:55,316
Jump on and scream
1448
01:20:55,417 --> 01:21:00,616
Come along and ride it
1449
01:21:00,722 --> 01:21:02,451
The double dutch bus
1450
01:21:02,557 --> 01:21:07,654
And I want you
to come along and ride it
1451
01:21:07,762 --> 01:21:09,229
The double dutch bus
1452
01:21:09,331 --> 01:21:10,798
The double dutch bus
1453
01:21:10,899 --> 01:21:15,893
And I want you
to come along and ride it
1454
01:21:16,004 --> 01:21:17,437
The double dutch bus
1455
01:21:17,539 --> 01:21:19,200
Double dutch bus
1456
01:21:19,307 --> 01:21:22,007
Jump on it, on it
1457
01:22:58,106 --> 01:23:00,336
(ALBERT GRUNTING)
1458
01:23:21,572 --> 01:23:22,572
Subtitles by LeapinLar