1 00:00:04,767 --> 00:00:06,517 - (Horn toots) - (Giggling) 2 00:00:09,897 --> 00:00:11,397 (Engine roars) 3 00:00:15,694 --> 00:00:17,695 (♪ Ray Stevens: Cannonball) 4 00:00:53,064 --> 00:00:54,314 (Tires screech) 5 00:01:23,261 --> 00:01:25,220 (Siren) 6 00:03:06,945 --> 00:03:10,781 (Man in car) Headquarters, we are still in pursuit of the black Lamborghini. 7 00:03:10,865 --> 00:03:13,742 (Man on radio) Car 42, you've been in pursuit for two hours. 8 00:03:13,826 --> 00:03:16,370 Another five minutes and you'll be in Arizona. 9 00:03:16,454 --> 00:03:20,374 (Man in car) Yeah, and we're gonna stay in pursuit until we catch him. 10 00:03:20,458 --> 00:03:24,127 (Man on radio) It didn't take us that long to catch Dillinger. 11 00:03:25,213 --> 00:03:26,630 (Engine roars) 12 00:03:47,109 --> 00:03:49,986 Hi, guys. JJ? 13 00:03:53,824 --> 00:03:55,116 - JJ? - (Man) Victor! 14 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,827 (Gasps) Ooh! Um... 15 00:03:57,911 --> 00:04:00,538 - You're two hours late. - I'm... I'm-I'm sorry. 16 00:04:00,622 --> 00:04:02,623 - Where the hell you been? - Oh... 17 00:04:03,667 --> 00:04:05,084 I'm sorry. 18 00:04:07,254 --> 00:04:10,172 The fuel-injection system. It's driving me crazy. 19 00:04:10,257 --> 00:04:13,843 I'm really sorry I'm late, but one of my hamsters had an anxiety attack. 20 00:04:13,927 --> 00:04:15,886 I couldn't leave him till he was settled down. 21 00:04:15,971 --> 00:04:18,889 He was acting so crazy, he ate a piece of tail, 22 00:04:18,974 --> 00:04:21,350 and Henrietta wasn't even bothering him. 23 00:04:21,435 --> 00:04:24,103 Then he ate his treadmill. Whoo! 24 00:04:27,858 --> 00:04:30,775 They got vets for that. We got other things to worry about. 25 00:04:30,860 --> 00:04:33,069 Hamsters are a big responsibility. 26 00:04:34,363 --> 00:04:37,198 Let me paint you a mental picture, all right, Victor? 27 00:04:37,283 --> 00:04:40,285 I want you to think of your hamsters as a little army 28 00:04:40,369 --> 00:04:42,495 marching along on a treadmill, 29 00:04:42,580 --> 00:04:45,999 running their little legs off, just running as fast as they can, 30 00:04:46,083 --> 00:04:49,127 making that engine just purr right along the road. 31 00:04:49,211 --> 00:04:52,964 Oh, JJ. What a wonderful way to put it. 32 00:04:53,049 --> 00:04:54,132 (JJ) Hm! 33 00:04:56,385 --> 00:05:00,680 Wouldn't it be great if we could share the glory of winning the Cannonball with them? 34 00:05:00,765 --> 00:05:05,810 (Gasps) That would be a real team effort. You, me, the hamsters and... him. 35 00:05:05,895 --> 00:05:08,063 - (Thud) - (Spring boings) 36 00:05:20,575 --> 00:05:24,703 Don't start with him. I don't want to talk about him. 37 00:05:24,788 --> 00:05:28,540 - If you need any help... - Damn it, I don't want to talk about him! 38 00:05:28,625 --> 00:05:29,833 OK. 39 00:05:29,918 --> 00:05:31,543 (Phone rings) 40 00:05:35,131 --> 00:05:36,382 Sir James! 41 00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:38,342 Oh, my God. You again? 42 00:05:38,426 --> 00:05:40,386 Fenderbaum, do me a favor. 43 00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:42,554 You're drawing flies. Get the hell out of here. 44 00:05:42,639 --> 00:05:45,307 No. Wait a minute, Greek. Only thing I want to know is, 45 00:05:45,392 --> 00:05:48,977 how are you figuring the odds on this Cannonball cockamamie? 46 00:05:49,062 --> 00:05:51,647 It takes brilliance and years of hard work. 47 00:05:51,731 --> 00:05:53,649 And you wouldn't understand any part of that. 48 00:05:53,733 --> 00:05:56,694 Do me a favor. A race is a race, right? 49 00:05:56,778 --> 00:05:59,655 The only thing you gotta do in the Cannonball is drive steady, 50 00:05:59,739 --> 00:06:01,739 stay out of trouble and have a good cover. 51 00:06:01,824 --> 00:06:05,034 3,000 miles, averaging 85 miles an hour. 52 00:06:05,119 --> 00:06:06,953 Do you know what that is? 53 00:06:07,037 --> 00:06:09,872 You want to talk or do you want a bet? 54 00:06:09,957 --> 00:06:15,670 (Victor) Anti-radar paint, turbo-charged. JJ, nobody can stop us now. (Chuckles) 55 00:06:15,754 --> 00:06:16,921 Nobody. 56 00:06:17,005 --> 00:06:18,381 (Tires screech) 57 00:06:32,354 --> 00:06:36,274 What are you, some kind of nut? Who do you think you are? 58 00:06:36,358 --> 00:06:38,693 Dun-dun-dah! 59 00:06:38,777 --> 00:06:41,362 I am Captain Chaos. 60 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:47,701 And this - this is my faithful companion, Cato. 61 00:06:47,785 --> 00:06:49,870 Say hello, Cato. 62 00:06:51,622 --> 00:06:53,582 Been a cop long? 63 00:06:56,335 --> 00:06:57,919 That's funny. 64 00:06:58,004 --> 00:07:00,756 - You wanna talk or you wanna bet? - You've got 50-1. 65 00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:04,468 And you know what you got? You got yourself a bet. 66 00:07:04,552 --> 00:07:07,929 Twenty big, large ones. 67 00:07:08,014 --> 00:07:12,100 That's a million dollars. Ha-ha! If you win. 68 00:07:12,185 --> 00:07:16,438 I don't know if you know my partner. Jamie, you remember Jimmy the Greek. 69 00:07:16,522 --> 00:07:19,566 - Hmmm! - (Greek) Ha! Jamie Blake. 70 00:07:19,650 --> 00:07:22,235 You used to drive that Formula One. 71 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:24,488 When high-buttoned shoes were in style. 72 00:07:24,572 --> 00:07:28,825 Let me tell you something, Greek. We got a secret weapon. 73 00:07:28,910 --> 00:07:30,827 God is our copilot. 74 00:07:30,912 --> 00:07:32,745 You'll need him. 75 00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:39,752 - God is our copilot? - Mm-hm. 76 00:07:39,836 --> 00:07:41,045 Remember our car? 77 00:07:41,129 --> 00:07:43,172 - Yeah. - Two seats. 78 00:07:43,256 --> 00:07:45,049 Two seats. 79 00:07:45,133 --> 00:07:47,301 Where's he gonna sit? 80 00:07:47,385 --> 00:07:48,511 Where? 81 00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:52,306 (JJ) Listen to me, el Porko. 82 00:07:52,390 --> 00:07:54,558 We're not in the Indianapolis 500. 83 00:07:54,643 --> 00:07:56,602 We can't have a car with numbers on it. 84 00:07:56,686 --> 00:08:00,356 - We have to camouflage the car somehow. - (Victor) Like what, JJ? 85 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:03,943 How about a limousine with diplomatic plates? 86 00:08:04,027 --> 00:08:05,027 - Nah. - No. 87 00:08:05,111 --> 00:08:07,780 I know. A bloodmobile. 88 00:08:07,864 --> 00:08:10,449 - Never stop a bloodmobile, would they? - Nah. 89 00:08:10,534 --> 00:08:15,162 Ice-cream truck. An ice-cream truck. You know, they got to get there before it melts. 90 00:08:15,247 --> 00:08:16,413 Nah. 91 00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:22,043 Terrific. We're out of beer, Victor. 92 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,086 Sorry. 93 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:26,881 (Gasps) Take it easy! You're acting crazy since this Cannonball thing. 94 00:08:26,966 --> 00:08:30,426 (JJ) I'm gonna pull in here and get some beer, all right? 95 00:08:33,097 --> 00:08:37,934 (JJ) How about an armored personnel carrier? They wouldn't stop that, would they? 96 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,978 (Screaming) 97 00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:41,896 (Car horns toot) 98 00:08:41,981 --> 00:08:43,231 (Tires screech) 99 00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:56,286 (Victor) Hey, don't bother to park! I'll be right out. (Hums tune) 100 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,293 (Sings Budweiser jingle) 101 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,171 Thank you. 102 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:11,300 We could get a black Trans Am. No, that's been done. 103 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,178 (Screaming) 104 00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:29,192 (Birdsong) 105 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,911 Hello, Mother. I trust you had a pleasant day. 106 00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:44,291 A nightmare. A living nightmare. You are killing me, Seymour. 107 00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:48,961 Killing me a slow death with this idiot spy business. 108 00:09:49,046 --> 00:09:52,840 - Mother, you don't understand. - What is there to understand? 109 00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:56,886 I'm looking at my son, Seymour Goldfarb Jr, 110 00:09:56,970 --> 00:09:59,889 son of Seymour Goldfarb, God rest his soul, 111 00:09:59,973 --> 00:10:02,934 and heir to the Goldfarb Girdles fortune. 112 00:10:03,018 --> 00:10:04,936 And what is he doing? 113 00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:07,063 Walking around, acting, 114 00:10:07,147 --> 00:10:10,524 like he was some goy movie star named Roger Moore. 115 00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:13,694 And for this I sent you to the best schools? 116 00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:16,948 For this I'm spending 8,000 on orthodontia work? 117 00:10:17,032 --> 00:10:20,618 For this I'm going broke, paying that Beverly Hills analyst? 118 00:10:20,702 --> 00:10:22,119 And now... Ha-ha! 119 00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:24,163 ...this. - (♪ James Bond music) 120 00:10:24,247 --> 00:10:28,167 The sleep-in maid found it under your pillow this morning. 121 00:10:28,251 --> 00:10:30,461 What is the meaning of this? 122 00:10:30,545 --> 00:10:33,380 The meaning, Mother dear, is a quick death. 123 00:10:33,464 --> 00:10:36,216 I warned you not to interfere in my affairs. 124 00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:39,010 Seymour, put that away. It's liable to go off. 125 00:10:40,179 --> 00:10:44,599 I'm terribly sorry, Mother, but you know too much. 126 00:10:44,684 --> 00:10:46,393 You see, in my business, 127 00:10:46,477 --> 00:10:50,814 even the deepest family relationships aren't worth a farthing. 128 00:10:50,898 --> 00:10:53,066 Farthing, schmarthing. 129 00:10:55,611 --> 00:10:57,904 - No. - Zei gezunt, Mama. 130 00:10:57,989 --> 00:10:59,698 (Pop) 131 00:10:59,782 --> 00:11:02,784 - Oy! Where did I go wrong? - (Seymour laughs) 132 00:11:02,868 --> 00:11:05,370 You know something, Mama? You're too Jewish. 133 00:11:06,914 --> 00:11:09,958 (JJ) We could always go with a nice, plain-Jane Chevy, 134 00:11:10,042 --> 00:11:12,252 with a truckload of Sidewinder missiles! 135 00:11:12,336 --> 00:11:15,005 (Victor) Maybe you should slow this down just a little bit! 136 00:11:15,089 --> 00:11:18,173 - I can't hear you! - I said, you're making waves! 137 00:11:18,258 --> 00:11:19,925 You're bothering the people! 138 00:11:20,010 --> 00:11:24,972 What the hell has going too fast got to do with being in the Cannonball? 139 00:11:25,056 --> 00:11:27,099 JJ, you're making very big waves! 140 00:11:27,183 --> 00:11:30,561 - Hi. How are ya? - (Yelling) 141 00:11:30,645 --> 00:11:31,812 Aaargh! 142 00:11:33,023 --> 00:11:34,815 (Screaming) 143 00:11:34,899 --> 00:11:36,942 - (Crashing) - (Siren blares) 144 00:11:42,157 --> 00:11:45,325 You guys are lucky. You tore the heck out of that boat. 145 00:11:46,536 --> 00:11:49,329 - You all right, Victor? - Oh, I'm fine, JJ. 146 00:11:49,414 --> 00:11:51,290 It only hurts when I point. 147 00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:54,585 You know, maybe it would've been better, 148 00:11:54,669 --> 00:11:57,588 if you didn't pay so much attention to those girls. 149 00:11:57,672 --> 00:11:59,506 - Nobody's perfect. - That's true. 150 00:11:59,591 --> 00:12:02,593 Nobody's perfect, but him. 151 00:12:05,512 --> 00:12:06,471 (Victor) Sorry. 152 00:12:06,555 --> 00:12:08,181 How far is it to the hospital? 153 00:12:08,265 --> 00:12:10,141 - About ten miles. - Oh, yeah? 154 00:12:10,225 --> 00:12:13,644 - How long will it take us to get there? - About four or five minutes. 155 00:12:13,729 --> 00:12:17,774 You can smoke through traffic like shot through a gun in this thing. 156 00:12:26,325 --> 00:12:27,575 (Both laugh) 157 00:12:33,123 --> 00:12:34,082 Argh! 158 00:12:34,166 --> 00:12:35,583 (♪ Theme music) 159 00:12:39,171 --> 00:12:41,089 (Speaks foreign language) 160 00:12:44,384 --> 00:12:46,385 Jackie Chan. 161 00:12:47,221 --> 00:12:49,554 Here's Johnny! 162 00:12:49,639 --> 00:12:51,223 (Applause) 163 00:12:56,771 --> 00:12:58,772 (Speaks foreign language) 164 00:13:06,572 --> 00:13:08,824 Jackie Chan. (Mimics engine revving) 165 00:13:08,908 --> 00:13:10,117 (Applause) 166 00:13:13,037 --> 00:13:14,996 Godzilla movie. (Chuckles) 167 00:13:15,081 --> 00:13:16,289 (Applause) 168 00:13:17,875 --> 00:13:19,709 Michael Hui. 169 00:13:26,008 --> 00:13:27,717 (Speaks foreign language) 170 00:13:42,107 --> 00:13:43,065 Excuse me. 171 00:13:43,150 --> 00:13:45,151 (Giggling) 172 00:13:47,362 --> 00:13:48,904 (Bleeping) 173 00:13:48,989 --> 00:13:50,156 (Both chuckle) 174 00:13:50,657 --> 00:13:52,741 (Chan shouts) 175 00:13:57,581 --> 00:13:59,081 (Both argue) 176 00:13:59,166 --> 00:14:01,125 (Bleeping intensifies) 177 00:14:04,921 --> 00:14:06,547 (Crashing) 178 00:14:06,631 --> 00:14:08,215 (Hissing) 179 00:14:09,092 --> 00:14:10,885 (Speaks Arabic) 180 00:14:10,969 --> 00:14:12,052 (Camel grunts) 181 00:14:12,137 --> 00:14:13,429 Camel. 182 00:14:13,513 --> 00:14:15,848 Not the Camel, schmuck. Winston. 183 00:14:15,932 --> 00:14:17,308 Ah! 184 00:14:30,738 --> 00:14:32,155 (Speaks Arabic) 185 00:14:48,297 --> 00:14:51,716 Starting tomorrow, you and George will be riding in the car with me. 186 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,718 Yes, sir. 187 00:14:53,802 --> 00:14:55,136 (Prays quietly) 188 00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:03,269 How goes your driving, my brother? 189 00:15:03,354 --> 00:15:05,520 Allah be praised, dear sister. 190 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:09,733 My speed is rivaled only by the lightning bolts from the heavens! 191 00:15:09,817 --> 00:15:10,817 (Thunder) 192 00:15:14,864 --> 00:15:19,785 And I suppose you still intend to go through that race with the infidel Americans. 193 00:15:19,869 --> 00:15:24,164 - The Cannonball will fall to the forces of Islam! - (Thunder) 194 00:15:24,249 --> 00:15:27,209 My dear sister. I pledge it! 195 00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:30,128 Drink! Drink! 196 00:15:30,213 --> 00:15:32,464 - The car will be there, correct? - Yes, Mr. Compton. 197 00:15:32,548 --> 00:15:35,008 Don't forget to cancel the board meeting on Monday. 198 00:15:35,093 --> 00:15:38,262 I'm going to spend a week in Spain at the castle. 199 00:15:38,346 --> 00:15:39,304 Yes, Mr. Compton. 200 00:15:39,389 --> 00:15:43,517 I want you to find an old friend of mine, a Mr. Shakey Finch. 201 00:15:43,601 --> 00:15:47,229 He is the finest long-distance motorcycle rider in this nation. 202 00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:49,314 - You got it? - Yes, Mr. Compton. 203 00:15:50,691 --> 00:15:55,027 The board has asked me to express their concern one more time. 204 00:15:55,112 --> 00:15:57,947 - Please reconsider. - Not possible, Arthur. 205 00:15:58,031 --> 00:16:02,410 The board will have to permit me this one indulgence to my ego. 206 00:16:08,166 --> 00:16:10,501 (♪ Sings: I've Gotta Be Me) 207 00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:17,925 (All gasp) 208 00:16:19,636 --> 00:16:21,262 (Continues singing) 209 00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:30,688 - Boy, ain't he something? - Are you kidding? 210 00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:34,900 That is the dumbest thing I've seen since that dimwit tried to jump the Grand Canyon. 211 00:16:35,401 --> 00:16:36,943 (Siren) 212 00:16:39,780 --> 00:16:41,865 He's still on our ass. 213 00:16:41,949 --> 00:16:45,160 I don't think... I don't think... I don't think he's a-bluffing, either. 214 00:16:45,244 --> 00:16:46,953 Now, don't you worry, son. 215 00:16:47,038 --> 00:16:49,372 I'm gonna lose him right up here at the motel. 216 00:16:49,457 --> 00:16:52,167 Hey, I remember. There's a spot... 217 00:16:52,251 --> 00:16:57,172 There... There's a spot in... right in back, and it's a perfect spot to hide. 218 00:16:57,256 --> 00:16:59,591 All right. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. 219 00:16:59,675 --> 00:17:01,217 Take a... Take... 220 00:17:01,302 --> 00:17:02,260 - Left. - Oh, hell. 221 00:17:02,345 --> 00:17:03,678 - Take a left. - Left. 222 00:17:03,763 --> 00:17:05,263 (Tires screech) 223 00:17:06,599 --> 00:17:10,602 - I can't see shit. Can you? - No problem, son. No problem. 224 00:17:11,312 --> 00:17:12,562 (Screaming) 225 00:17:13,606 --> 00:17:14,939 What was that? 226 00:17:15,024 --> 00:17:16,816 (Siren approaches) 227 00:17:27,077 --> 00:17:28,869 That's... That's... 228 00:17:28,953 --> 00:17:32,081 That's p-p-p-p-perfect. 229 00:17:33,416 --> 00:17:36,627 That's better than hiding it... That's better than hiding it out back. 230 00:17:36,711 --> 00:17:39,463 I know. But the only problem we got now, 231 00:17:39,547 --> 00:17:42,091 is we have to go and retune it. 232 00:17:42,175 --> 00:17:43,217 All right? 233 00:17:43,301 --> 00:17:44,551 Let's go get a beer first. 234 00:17:44,636 --> 00:17:46,762 Yeah, let's go get a... Let's... Beer. 235 00:17:49,474 --> 00:17:52,351 I'd like to thank Mona Corson of Westport 236 00:17:52,435 --> 00:17:56,355 for that wonderful luncheon of hemp sandwiches and woodchip consommé. 237 00:17:56,439 --> 00:17:57,439 (Single handclap) 238 00:17:57,524 --> 00:18:01,652 And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. 239 00:18:01,736 --> 00:18:05,948 This is a titty turn... Terrific turnout for the meeting. 240 00:18:06,031 --> 00:18:08,116 - Yes, terrific. - He led the campaign 241 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:12,328 to ban the use of electric toothbrushes during peak load hours, 242 00:18:12,413 --> 00:18:14,163 - and to sound the alarm... - (Snoring) 243 00:18:14,248 --> 00:18:18,501 I suppose you, uh... came here to hear me speak. 244 00:18:18,585 --> 00:18:21,754 No, no, not really. I'm into trees. 245 00:18:22,714 --> 00:18:24,132 Ah. 246 00:18:24,216 --> 00:18:25,591 Trees. 247 00:18:27,219 --> 00:18:31,180 Friends of Nature love trees, so I come to the meetings. 248 00:18:31,265 --> 00:18:33,724 That's very interesting. 249 00:18:33,809 --> 00:18:36,394 I love anybody who loves trees. 250 00:18:36,478 --> 00:18:40,022 Well, they happen to be a great passion of mine. 251 00:18:40,107 --> 00:18:42,400 You know what I like best about trees? 252 00:18:42,484 --> 00:18:43,651 No, what? 253 00:18:43,735 --> 00:18:46,362 That you can lie under them on a moonlit night 254 00:18:46,447 --> 00:18:48,072 with the breeze blowing, 255 00:18:48,157 --> 00:18:49,824 bawl your brains out. 256 00:18:49,908 --> 00:18:52,909 - (Crushes paper) - (Chairwoman) Mr. Arthur J Foyt. 257 00:18:52,994 --> 00:18:54,411 (Applause) 258 00:18:55,496 --> 00:18:58,415 Mr. Foyt. Mr. Foyt. 259 00:19:03,504 --> 00:19:05,714 Give that sucker some juice. 260 00:19:05,798 --> 00:19:10,469 The only thing hiding it... hiding it... hiding it in the... pool 261 00:19:10,553 --> 00:19:13,597 did was... m-make it p-purty. 262 00:19:13,681 --> 00:19:15,891 It ain't running worth a shit. And it's wet. 263 00:19:15,975 --> 00:19:18,727 I know that. Just hit it one more time, all right? 264 00:19:18,811 --> 00:19:20,228 (Engine turns over, fails) 265 00:19:20,313 --> 00:19:22,522 Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! 266 00:19:22,607 --> 00:19:23,648 I know what's wrong. 267 00:19:23,733 --> 00:19:25,650 Don't think for a minute... 268 00:19:25,735 --> 00:19:29,237 - (Feedback whines) ...that we in Washington 269 00:19:29,322 --> 00:19:31,865 don't appreciate your Mothers' March 270 00:19:31,949 --> 00:19:35,452 to ban the sale of colored toilet paper 271 00:19:35,536 --> 00:19:39,455 to, uh, help reduce irritation of the, uh... 272 00:19:39,539 --> 00:19:41,457 - (Microphone echo) rectum! - (Feedback whines) 273 00:19:41,541 --> 00:19:42,625 (Chuckles) 274 00:19:44,044 --> 00:19:48,464 But today, I want to direct my remarks 275 00:19:48,548 --> 00:19:52,426 to an old and familiar enemy. 276 00:19:54,221 --> 00:19:55,471 The automobile. 277 00:19:55,555 --> 00:19:57,681 All right. One more time. Let me hear it. 278 00:19:57,766 --> 00:19:59,558 (Engine growls) 279 00:20:01,853 --> 00:20:03,270 Ha! It's... 280 00:20:03,355 --> 00:20:09,652 - I-It reminds me of a, uh... a poem I wrote. - (Engine roars) 281 00:20:09,736 --> 00:20:12,488 The automobile, the automobile... 282 00:20:12,572 --> 00:20:14,114 (Engine revs) 283 00:20:14,199 --> 00:20:15,491 (Engine roaring) 284 00:20:15,575 --> 00:20:16,700 (Screaming) 285 00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:27,377 (Man 1) Who was that? (Man 2) Get your hand out of my face. 286 00:20:27,461 --> 00:20:29,212 Are you all right? 287 00:20:29,296 --> 00:20:31,839 They picked on the wrong one this time! 288 00:20:31,924 --> 00:20:34,008 I guarantee they're gonna pay for this, 289 00:20:34,093 --> 00:20:38,346 because when the going gets tough, the tough get going! 290 00:20:38,430 --> 00:20:39,889 (Both giggle) 291 00:20:40,641 --> 00:20:42,475 She's running good now, buddy. 292 00:20:43,477 --> 00:20:45,436 I still think we ought to paint it. 293 00:20:45,521 --> 00:20:48,898 If we're gonna paint it, let's go ahead and Midasize it, all right? 294 00:20:53,112 --> 00:20:54,487 Hey, there's the motel. 295 00:20:54,572 --> 00:20:57,532 Look at the parking lot. The Cannonballers have it all jammed up. 296 00:20:57,616 --> 00:21:00,285 Man, I can't handle this traffic. 297 00:21:00,369 --> 00:21:01,661 Hold on to your lunch pail. 298 00:21:01,745 --> 00:21:04,330 - This may get a little weird. - Wait a minute. 299 00:21:04,415 --> 00:21:06,332 (Tires screech) 300 00:21:06,417 --> 00:21:07,374 Slow down! 301 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,627 (Screaming) 302 00:21:14,632 --> 00:21:17,676 - Hey, you the one running this fleabag? - Huh-uh! 303 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,095 - Where the hookers? - What? 304 00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:22,514 Hookers, man. Where the hookers? 305 00:21:22,599 --> 00:21:24,391 Excuse me. Excuse me. 306 00:21:26,352 --> 00:21:28,270 - Hello, Mad Dog. - Hey, JJ. 307 00:21:28,354 --> 00:21:30,814 You probably didn't realize, but the parking lot's outside. 308 00:21:30,898 --> 00:21:34,151 - I know. Brakes went out. - Do you think you're the President? 309 00:21:34,235 --> 00:21:38,196 (Mimics Richard Nixon) Well, let me make one thing perfectly clear. 310 00:21:38,281 --> 00:21:42,409 We feel terrible about it. And if they can't take a joke... 311 00:21:42,493 --> 00:21:44,411 (Victor chuckles) 312 00:21:44,495 --> 00:21:47,039 Thank goodness. We just had a terrible accident. 313 00:21:47,123 --> 00:21:51,668 - We'd like to help you, but we're off duty. - This man looks bad. Maybe he's dead. 314 00:21:51,753 --> 00:21:54,795 You should call the coroner. JJ, he don't look too good. 315 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,005 Nah. 316 00:21:58,175 --> 00:22:00,718 - He's just had his bell rung. - Can't you do something? 317 00:22:00,802 --> 00:22:04,555 - I mean, you're professionals. - This is our day off. 318 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,223 Will you guys do something? 319 00:22:06,308 --> 00:22:08,768 This man's life is hanging by a thread! 320 00:22:10,896 --> 00:22:12,480 Victor. (Snaps fingers) 321 00:22:17,444 --> 00:22:21,072 You have to be very scientific about this. It could go up the nostrils, affect the sinuses. 322 00:22:21,156 --> 00:22:22,406 That's true. 323 00:22:22,491 --> 00:22:23,616 Hm? 324 00:22:26,912 --> 00:22:28,287 (Groans) 325 00:22:32,292 --> 00:22:33,626 There. 326 00:22:33,710 --> 00:22:35,211 Don't bother about the bill. 327 00:22:35,295 --> 00:22:38,713 Just give him a couple of enemas and call me in the morning. 328 00:22:41,592 --> 00:22:42,759 Hi. How's it going? 329 00:22:42,843 --> 00:22:44,886 - Perfect. - We'd like two singles. 330 00:22:44,970 --> 00:22:46,513 JJ McClure, Victor Prinzim. 331 00:22:46,597 --> 00:22:47,931 I'll be in the bar. 332 00:22:48,933 --> 00:22:51,267 I always like a couple of drinks right after surgery. 333 00:22:52,144 --> 00:22:53,937 (Tires screech) 334 00:22:58,401 --> 00:23:00,652 I wonder why that guy parked his truck in the lobby. 335 00:23:00,736 --> 00:23:03,029 Only in America. Get me 12 suites. 336 00:23:03,114 --> 00:23:05,740 - Better yet, the entire floor. - Yes, sir. 337 00:23:07,326 --> 00:23:08,910 Ah! Too much couscous. 338 00:23:10,496 --> 00:23:12,497 I sure as H would like to get my hands on 339 00:23:12,581 --> 00:23:15,125 those Hell's Angels who were driving that truck. 340 00:23:16,711 --> 00:23:18,461 But it's probably just as well, 341 00:23:18,546 --> 00:23:21,589 because I am a wild bull when I lose my temper. 342 00:23:24,050 --> 00:23:26,885 - I love wild bulls. - Oh! 343 00:23:29,472 --> 00:23:32,933 It's really funny that you should... Oh, my God. It's them. 344 00:23:33,017 --> 00:23:34,977 - "Them" who? - Those Hell's Angels. 345 00:23:35,061 --> 00:23:38,731 - They could be part of a terrorist group. - I don't know. 346 00:23:39,482 --> 00:23:45,612 But this place is filling up... with some real hoodlums. 347 00:23:46,322 --> 00:23:48,699 (Foyt) Did you see anything weird back there? 348 00:23:48,783 --> 00:23:51,368 - No. - I'm gonna find out. 349 00:24:03,006 --> 00:24:06,049 Why is it so difficult for you to find a doctor? 350 00:24:06,134 --> 00:24:07,718 It's very, very hard. 351 00:24:07,802 --> 00:24:10,428 It's not easy finding a doctor to take off like that. 352 00:24:10,512 --> 00:24:14,390 - Dr. Gay doesn't even leave his house. - If you're gonna win the Cannonball 353 00:24:14,475 --> 00:24:17,769 driving an ambulance, you have to have a doctor in the... 354 00:24:17,853 --> 00:24:19,103 What does Dr. Gay do? 355 00:24:19,188 --> 00:24:22,231 He's my shrink. He was committed yesterday. 356 00:24:22,316 --> 00:24:24,650 - Why? - He was smoking bananas. 357 00:24:24,735 --> 00:24:25,693 (Sighs) 358 00:24:25,778 --> 00:24:28,905 He gets very upset when he talks to... him. 359 00:24:28,989 --> 00:24:30,990 - So do I. - Oh. 360 00:24:31,825 --> 00:24:34,327 Sorry. I don't want fruit in my drink. 361 00:24:35,704 --> 00:24:36,996 (Splat) 362 00:24:38,957 --> 00:24:42,168 Congratulations. Here's to you. Good luck. 363 00:24:42,252 --> 00:24:44,545 - Much obliged. - And to you, Father. 364 00:24:44,630 --> 00:24:45,630 (Laughs) 365 00:24:45,714 --> 00:24:47,006 You dumb shits. 366 00:24:47,090 --> 00:24:51,052 They haven't got a chance. You know what? 367 00:24:51,136 --> 00:24:54,805 I think I'm gonna call the Greek and put another 10,000 on us. 368 00:24:56,057 --> 00:24:57,516 (JJ and Victor laugh) 369 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:58,725 - JJ. - Mm. 370 00:24:58,810 --> 00:25:00,227 What about those two? 371 00:25:00,311 --> 00:25:03,647 Maybe... Maybe one of those beauties could be our patient. 372 00:25:03,731 --> 00:25:05,398 - Both of them could be. - Woof! 373 00:25:05,483 --> 00:25:11,863 Hm. I could be very patient with those patients. They're very lickable... very likeable. 374 00:25:11,948 --> 00:25:15,492 Tell you what. Let's, the two of us, go over there and talk to them. 375 00:25:15,576 --> 00:25:17,994 - OK. - I'll do all the talking. 376 00:25:18,079 --> 00:25:21,164 - Victor, you just think about the doctor. - OK. 377 00:25:25,253 --> 00:25:27,128 - (Bones crack) - Argh! Ooh! 378 00:25:27,213 --> 00:25:28,922 (Blows) Oh! 379 00:25:29,006 --> 00:25:30,298 (Groans) 380 00:25:31,467 --> 00:25:33,260 - Good evening, ladies. - Evening. 381 00:25:33,344 --> 00:25:36,972 My name is JJ McClure. This is Victor Prinzim, my executive assistant. 382 00:25:37,056 --> 00:25:39,015 - Hi... - I'll do the talking, Victor. 383 00:25:39,100 --> 00:25:41,350 Terrorists, my dimpled ass. 384 00:25:41,434 --> 00:25:45,896 These people make terrorists look like the Sisters of Charity. 385 00:25:45,981 --> 00:25:49,233 These guys are Cannonballers. 386 00:25:52,153 --> 00:25:54,029 What is that, a bowling team? 387 00:25:54,114 --> 00:25:56,615 We're the favorites to win the Cannonball tomorrow, 388 00:25:56,700 --> 00:25:58,659 and I was wondering if one of you, or both of you, 389 00:25:58,743 --> 00:26:00,828 might like to ride in the winning vehicle. 390 00:26:00,912 --> 00:26:03,080 That would be very exciting. 391 00:26:03,164 --> 00:26:04,748 Exciting. 392 00:26:04,833 --> 00:26:07,001 But we're Cannonballers ourselves. Thank you. 393 00:26:07,085 --> 00:26:09,211 They're Cannonballers? 394 00:26:09,296 --> 00:26:13,340 And, as for the winning vehicle, well, we'll just have to wait and see. 395 00:26:13,425 --> 00:26:15,426 You haven't seen our equipment. 396 00:26:17,304 --> 00:26:18,304 Equipment? 397 00:26:20,724 --> 00:26:22,057 Equipment. 398 00:26:22,142 --> 00:26:23,809 (Mimics Donald Duck) 399 00:26:23,894 --> 00:26:25,476 (Victor laughs wheezily) 400 00:26:48,334 --> 00:26:51,461 Hi. 401 00:26:53,255 --> 00:26:55,924 Don't tell me your name. Let me guess. 402 00:26:58,886 --> 00:26:59,886 Melissa. 403 00:27:00,971 --> 00:27:02,096 No. 404 00:27:04,350 --> 00:27:05,808 Juliette. 405 00:27:05,893 --> 00:27:08,686 - No. - Betty? 406 00:27:08,771 --> 00:27:10,228 No. 407 00:27:12,273 --> 00:27:13,899 I'll just call you Beauty, OK? 408 00:27:13,983 --> 00:27:16,234 Aw. That's nice. 409 00:27:16,319 --> 00:27:17,569 Thank you. 410 00:27:17,654 --> 00:27:18,946 Sit down. 411 00:27:23,743 --> 00:27:26,995 - Are you one of those volleyballers? - Cannonballers. 412 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:29,206 - No. - Why are you dressed up like that? 413 00:27:30,249 --> 00:27:32,417 Humanitarian reasons. 414 00:27:32,502 --> 00:27:35,754 I'm a wealthy philanthropist. 415 00:27:35,838 --> 00:27:38,674 Me and my partner, we just ride around in an ambulance, 416 00:27:38,758 --> 00:27:41,093 looking for accidents, trying to help people. 417 00:27:42,220 --> 00:27:44,554 I don't think we were put on this earth to hurt people, 418 00:27:44,639 --> 00:27:47,474 I think we were put on this earth to help people. 419 00:27:47,558 --> 00:27:50,018 - That's beautiful. - Thank you. 420 00:27:51,020 --> 00:27:53,855 You must be a sensitive person. 421 00:27:53,940 --> 00:27:57,441 - I try to be. - I bet you're a fan of Rod McKuen's. 422 00:27:57,526 --> 00:27:59,151 I listen to him every night. 423 00:27:59,236 --> 00:28:00,695 I'm into trees. 424 00:28:02,030 --> 00:28:04,657 - Have you ever heard of Joyce Kilmer? - Yeah. 425 00:28:04,741 --> 00:28:08,411 - She wrote a really terrific poem about a tree. - Uh... He. 426 00:28:08,495 --> 00:28:09,829 Who? 427 00:28:09,913 --> 00:28:12,206 - He. - He is a she? 428 00:28:12,290 --> 00:28:14,959 - She's a he. - Oh! 429 00:28:15,043 --> 00:28:19,005 Well, he wrote a really terrific poem about a tree. 430 00:28:19,089 --> 00:28:20,047 Yeah. 431 00:28:20,132 --> 00:28:22,925 - You know what I like best about trees? - No, what? 432 00:28:23,010 --> 00:28:25,970 That you can lie under them on a moonlit night, 433 00:28:26,054 --> 00:28:28,973 - the leaves gently blowing... - (Clattering) 434 00:28:30,392 --> 00:28:32,977 - Sorry about that. - It's all right. 435 00:28:34,896 --> 00:28:36,522 What were you saying about trees? 436 00:28:36,606 --> 00:28:40,484 I was saying, what I like best about trees is that, 437 00:28:40,569 --> 00:28:43,695 on a moonlit night you can lie under them, 438 00:28:43,779 --> 00:28:45,905 - with the leaves gently blowing... - (Victor) JJ? 439 00:28:45,990 --> 00:28:49,617 Hey, JJ, you'll never believe what just happened to him! 440 00:28:49,702 --> 00:28:51,953 - I don't want to talk about it. - He had the most wonderful time. 441 00:28:52,038 --> 00:28:55,540 I don't want to talk about... Victor, Beauty. Beauty, Victor. 442 00:28:55,624 --> 00:28:57,709 - Hello, Victor. - You really are. 443 00:28:57,793 --> 00:29:00,879 - You wanna hear about the doc? - He can tell me about the doctor. 444 00:29:00,963 --> 00:29:03,882 - Oh, it's about the doctor. - It's really important. 445 00:29:03,966 --> 00:29:05,633 - We need a doc for the ambulance. - It'll keep! 446 00:29:05,718 --> 00:29:09,012 - I'll just leave you two alone. - But, listen, I think you should hear... 447 00:29:09,096 --> 00:29:12,307 - It'll keep! - It's really important. 448 00:29:12,391 --> 00:29:14,684 I want to talk to her. 449 00:29:14,769 --> 00:29:16,102 Who? 450 00:29:18,230 --> 00:29:20,982 - Now do you wanna hear about the doc? - No! 451 00:29:21,067 --> 00:29:22,108 It'll keep. 452 00:29:24,653 --> 00:29:27,488 Hey, Brad, old buddy! Ha-ha! How the hell are you? 453 00:29:27,572 --> 00:29:31,825 Shakey. My God, it is you. Hello, Shakey! 454 00:29:31,910 --> 00:29:33,118 (Both laugh) 455 00:29:34,454 --> 00:29:37,247 Shakey, it's kind of tough to get close to you. 456 00:29:37,332 --> 00:29:40,709 - Last time I saw you, you were more svelte. - What can I tell you? 457 00:29:40,794 --> 00:29:44,546 In the pizza business, when things are slow, you tend to eat the inventory. 458 00:29:44,631 --> 00:29:46,799 Listen, that's not good for the Cannonball. 459 00:29:46,883 --> 00:29:50,052 You know that. You don't need a motorcycle. You need the Super Chief. 460 00:29:50,136 --> 00:29:54,306 (Chuckles) Even with the extra tonnage, I'm still the best there is. 461 00:29:54,390 --> 00:29:56,683 Yeah? Well, I'll tell you what. 462 00:29:56,768 --> 00:30:00,020 I got a throttle that's been sticking. Why don't you fix that? 463 00:30:00,105 --> 00:30:06,026 Boss, this is the biggest coup in the history of the Safety Enforcement Unit. 464 00:30:06,111 --> 00:30:09,404 We're gonna blow this Cannonball thing wide open 465 00:30:09,489 --> 00:30:12,073 and then we're gonna hit Congress for a real budget 466 00:30:12,157 --> 00:30:14,534 that will allow us to play some real hardball. 467 00:30:14,618 --> 00:30:19,038 I mean, this is our Three Mile Island and Love Canal combined. 468 00:30:19,123 --> 00:30:21,165 Oooh! 469 00:30:21,250 --> 00:30:22,250 Unnnnh! 470 00:30:22,334 --> 00:30:25,711 - What's wrong? - Look at the chicks. (Sighs) 471 00:30:27,381 --> 00:30:30,299 - What is it? - Look at those chicks. (Moans) 472 00:30:30,384 --> 00:30:32,969 Boy, if we were Methodists, 473 00:30:33,053 --> 00:30:36,514 what a shot we could have of getting laid right here. 474 00:30:38,100 --> 00:30:41,602 Listen, I want to get up there. I don't want to miss a thing. 475 00:30:41,687 --> 00:30:43,104 No. Yes. Yes. 476 00:30:43,188 --> 00:30:44,647 All right. There you go. 477 00:30:44,731 --> 00:30:46,566 Just as good as new. Give her a try. 478 00:30:46,650 --> 00:30:48,693 - That's it? - That's it. 479 00:30:48,777 --> 00:30:50,236 All right. 480 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:52,947 We'll see. 481 00:30:54,074 --> 00:30:57,033 I don't think it's the throttle! I think it's the clutch! 482 00:30:57,118 --> 00:30:59,327 - Goodbye. - (Engine approaches) 483 00:30:59,412 --> 00:31:00,912 Look out! 484 00:31:00,997 --> 00:31:03,540 Hey, watch out! Watch out! 485 00:31:05,168 --> 00:31:07,252 Coming through! 486 00:31:07,336 --> 00:31:08,545 (Crashing) 487 00:31:10,089 --> 00:31:11,548 (Screaming) 488 00:31:13,217 --> 00:31:14,843 (Crashing) 489 00:31:14,927 --> 00:31:16,595 What in the hell was that?! 490 00:31:16,679 --> 00:31:20,140 Oh! That must be the entry of the National Safety Council. 491 00:31:20,641 --> 00:31:21,892 (♪ James Bond music) 492 00:31:52,714 --> 00:31:53,923 Good day. 493 00:31:54,007 --> 00:31:57,301 I am here to participate in your little jaunt to California. 494 00:31:57,385 --> 00:32:00,012 Well, of course. If you would sign in here, please. 495 00:32:04,309 --> 00:32:06,477 Hold still, Petey. Say cheese. 496 00:32:08,271 --> 00:32:12,691 I realize the novelty of a major celebrity entering your little race, 497 00:32:12,776 --> 00:32:17,029 but kindly resist the temptation and keep the media coverage to a minimum. 498 00:32:17,113 --> 00:32:18,072 Thank you. 499 00:32:18,156 --> 00:32:19,698 Will you hurry the hell up? 500 00:32:19,783 --> 00:32:22,034 (♪ Ray Stevens: Just For The Hell Of It) 501 00:32:34,213 --> 00:32:37,548 - Got it? - I got it. Hurry up, will ya? 502 00:32:42,721 --> 00:32:44,722 (Inaudible) 503 00:32:51,397 --> 00:32:54,732 Man does not live on... on bread alone. 504 00:32:55,901 --> 00:32:58,653 What concerns me is, do we have enough ice for all this beer? 505 00:32:58,737 --> 00:33:01,864 - P-p-p-p! Plenty. - Mm-hm. 506 00:33:01,949 --> 00:33:05,034 Yeah, well, how about food, son? Did you bring enough food? 507 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:09,205 - Plenty. - Get serious. Give me the rest of that beer. 508 00:33:09,290 --> 00:33:10,623 (Woman laughing) 509 00:33:19,924 --> 00:33:21,800 Excuse me, good sisters, if you will. 510 00:33:21,884 --> 00:33:25,220 Father, we do have a race to run, and we're running a little late. 511 00:33:25,305 --> 00:33:27,806 So, come on. Will you excuse him, good sisters? 512 00:33:29,559 --> 00:33:32,602 - Bye-bye. - Don't run off. Tonight's the night. 513 00:33:33,730 --> 00:33:35,897 (Man) OK. I'd like to welcome you all 514 00:33:35,982 --> 00:33:38,275 to an event that's sometimes been called 515 00:33:38,359 --> 00:33:41,028 the automotive counterpart to the Bay of Pigs. 516 00:33:41,112 --> 00:33:42,237 (Laughter) 517 00:33:42,322 --> 00:33:45,282 You all are certainly the most distinguished group 518 00:33:45,366 --> 00:33:50,370 of highway scofflaws and degenerates ever gathered together in one place. 519 00:33:50,455 --> 00:33:51,913 We're gonna have a lot of fun. 520 00:33:51,998 --> 00:33:53,790 Of course, certain skeptics note 521 00:33:53,875 --> 00:33:58,003 that perhaps 10,000 of the nation's most elite highway patrolmen 522 00:33:58,086 --> 00:34:01,547 are out there waiting for us after we start, but let's think positively. 523 00:34:01,631 --> 00:34:04,925 Think of the fact that there is not one state in the 50 524 00:34:05,010 --> 00:34:07,345 that has the death penalty for speeding. 525 00:34:07,429 --> 00:34:10,389 - Although I'm not so sure about Ohio. - (Laughter) 526 00:34:10,474 --> 00:34:13,267 Everybody is gonna get a card like this. 527 00:34:13,352 --> 00:34:16,896 When you leave, you're gonna punch out here at this time clock. 528 00:34:16,980 --> 00:34:19,273 3,000 miles, roughly, away from here 529 00:34:19,358 --> 00:34:22,234 is another time clock just like that at the Portofino Inn. 530 00:34:22,319 --> 00:34:26,197 The difference between the two times is your time across the country. 531 00:34:26,281 --> 00:34:30,326 The record stands at 32 hours and 51 minutes. 532 00:34:30,410 --> 00:34:31,494 Believe it or not, 533 00:34:31,578 --> 00:34:34,538 those guys did break the 55-mile-an-hour speed limit. 534 00:34:34,623 --> 00:34:36,415 (Cheering, laughter) 535 00:34:37,501 --> 00:34:41,003 Let's get that first car up here. We're gonna get this thing under way. 536 00:34:41,088 --> 00:34:42,296 (Engine revs) 537 00:34:45,299 --> 00:34:46,466 (Tires screech) 538 00:34:55,976 --> 00:34:57,185 Go! 539 00:35:01,023 --> 00:35:03,400 (JJ) Victor. (Victor) I know. 540 00:35:03,484 --> 00:35:05,026 All right. Where is the doctor? 541 00:35:05,111 --> 00:35:07,195 - I got everything else. - Where's the doctor? 542 00:35:07,279 --> 00:35:09,489 - I got 60 gallons of gasoline. - Read my lips. 543 00:35:09,573 --> 00:35:10,615 Where is the doctor? 544 00:35:10,699 --> 00:35:13,743 - The auxiliary tanks are full... - I gave you one responsibility, 545 00:35:13,828 --> 00:35:16,579 to get a doctor. Now, where is he? 546 00:35:16,664 --> 00:35:18,456 He got sick. 547 00:35:18,541 --> 00:35:20,375 Listen to what I'm telling you. 548 00:35:20,459 --> 00:35:22,919 You go find a doctor. Get me Dr. Kildare, 549 00:35:23,003 --> 00:35:24,921 get me Dr. Livingstone, get me Dr. Frankenstein. 550 00:35:25,005 --> 00:35:27,757 Just get me a doctor. Go where the doctors hang out. 551 00:35:27,842 --> 00:35:29,883 - Where's that? - Bars, golf courses. 552 00:35:29,968 --> 00:35:32,469 Golf course, bar. Where else? Hospital! 553 00:35:32,554 --> 00:35:33,804 Try there too. 554 00:35:33,888 --> 00:35:36,557 My jet will take you to California. 555 00:35:36,641 --> 00:35:38,725 It's time for you to punch out. 556 00:35:42,939 --> 00:35:45,899 I'll see you in California. I love you! 557 00:35:52,157 --> 00:35:55,200 A toast to us, you and me. We're gonna win the whole thing. 558 00:35:55,285 --> 00:35:56,243 It's a cinch. 559 00:35:56,327 --> 00:36:00,622 The more I look around and see these turkeys, I have... 560 00:36:03,710 --> 00:36:06,879 While you're drinking, that truck to the left. 561 00:36:06,963 --> 00:36:09,131 Isn't that JJ McClure? 562 00:36:10,133 --> 00:36:13,844 He's nothing. Don't worry about him. 563 00:36:13,928 --> 00:36:16,137 It's the blimp next to him. The blimp. 564 00:36:16,221 --> 00:36:20,975 When he puts on that mask, he'll blow your goddamn doors off. 565 00:36:21,059 --> 00:36:23,728 - You understand that? The blimp! - (Cheering) 566 00:36:25,397 --> 00:36:27,398 (Hui chats excitedly) 567 00:36:32,946 --> 00:36:36,324 - Is that weird? - Wow! 568 00:36:40,537 --> 00:36:42,663 It's a Nevada license plate. 569 00:36:42,748 --> 00:36:47,084 And that's whiskey, zebra, alpha, 570 00:36:47,169 --> 00:36:49,545 niner, fiver, zero. 571 00:36:49,630 --> 00:36:51,839 - You got that? - What? 572 00:36:51,924 --> 00:36:55,218 It's... Just write WZA 9... 573 00:36:55,302 --> 00:36:56,928 Here. Will you let me do it? 574 00:36:57,012 --> 00:37:01,097 WZA 950. See? 575 00:37:01,182 --> 00:37:02,974 Whiskey, zebra, alpha, 576 00:37:03,059 --> 00:37:05,268 - niner, fiver, zero. - Oh. 577 00:37:06,229 --> 00:37:07,479 Oh. 578 00:37:07,563 --> 00:37:08,605 (Tires screech) 579 00:37:10,566 --> 00:37:14,361 OK, so it's Interstate 80 through Pennsylvania. 580 00:37:14,445 --> 00:37:18,448 - Pick up... - Oh, that's a good-looking piece. 581 00:37:18,533 --> 00:37:22,202 And cunningly disguised so it won't look like a racing car. 582 00:37:22,286 --> 00:37:25,872 You know, the cops would never give that a second glance. 583 00:37:25,957 --> 00:37:29,417 220 miles an hour, and they aren't gonna get a second glance. 584 00:37:29,502 --> 00:37:34,422 Hey, when we get to California, I got a place out at Palos Verdes... 585 00:37:34,507 --> 00:37:38,009 You boys gonna start this thing or just sit there and wait for that paint to dry? 586 00:37:38,094 --> 00:37:39,261 (Laughter) 587 00:37:39,345 --> 00:37:40,554 Yes, sir. 588 00:37:43,224 --> 00:37:44,516 How long till we stop? 589 00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:48,477 - Eight hours! - Damn! I... I gotta go to the john! 590 00:37:48,562 --> 00:37:49,770 (Tires screech) 591 00:37:56,820 --> 00:37:58,028 Go. 592 00:38:02,450 --> 00:38:05,953 Mad Dog, you are gonna take the shortcut to the interstate, aren't you? 593 00:38:06,037 --> 00:38:08,122 We're here to win, ain't we? 594 00:38:08,206 --> 00:38:12,126 - If you gonna be a bear, be a grizzly! - (Both growl) 595 00:38:13,420 --> 00:38:14,795 (Tires screech) 596 00:38:18,633 --> 00:38:22,219 My God, Pamela. Did you see that? 597 00:38:22,304 --> 00:38:25,556 They drove right through those trees. 598 00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:27,182 I love trees. Did I tell you... 599 00:38:27,267 --> 00:38:28,892 We are going right down there 600 00:38:28,977 --> 00:38:31,894 and bring this thing to a screeching halt, right now. 601 00:38:31,979 --> 00:38:34,397 Buckle up. We're going into action. 602 00:38:36,984 --> 00:38:38,192 Would you mind? 603 00:38:39,361 --> 00:38:40,320 Very civil. 604 00:38:40,404 --> 00:38:42,280 Might be easier with your lights on. 605 00:38:42,364 --> 00:38:43,990 Why advertise? 606 00:38:44,074 --> 00:38:45,617 (Tires screech) 607 00:38:45,701 --> 00:38:47,994 - Wait a minute, Father. - What? 608 00:38:48,078 --> 00:38:51,664 That's a no-no. They haven't allowed that for nearly 2,000 years. 609 00:38:51,749 --> 00:38:56,794 No, look. I'm a liberal wing, way out, on the other part of the church. 610 00:38:56,879 --> 00:38:58,838 - It's nothing at all. - Keep flying, Father. 611 00:38:58,922 --> 00:39:00,757 "Keep flying." 612 00:39:04,053 --> 00:39:05,928 How about just one of you? 613 00:39:08,932 --> 00:39:11,267 (Shakey) Who says cops won't stop honeymooners? 614 00:39:11,352 --> 00:39:13,269 Anyhow, why do I have to be the bride? 615 00:39:13,354 --> 00:39:15,437 Shut up, sweetie, and punch the clock. 616 00:39:16,272 --> 00:39:20,692 - (Chuckles) OK, go slow until I get my wig on. - Yes, dear. 617 00:39:24,113 --> 00:39:26,698 (Slurs) Old pal of mine, are we all set for California? 618 00:39:26,783 --> 00:39:31,036 (Slurs) Damn you. Next time, Methodist. You understand? Methodist! 619 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,331 - All right, pal of mine. - OK, OK. You're all right. 620 00:39:34,415 --> 00:39:36,833 OK, now, who's driving? 621 00:39:36,918 --> 00:39:38,377 - You're driving. - You are. 622 00:39:38,461 --> 00:39:41,213 - I can't drive. - Then I'm driving. 623 00:39:41,297 --> 00:39:43,048 - Yeah, I think you are. - OK. 624 00:39:43,132 --> 00:39:44,883 All right. Put me down. 625 00:39:46,386 --> 00:39:48,887 You drive. You hold this. I'll get in the car. 626 00:39:55,895 --> 00:39:57,354 - Come on. - I'm coming. 627 00:39:58,731 --> 00:40:00,731 Somebody's hat. 628 00:40:06,446 --> 00:40:08,239 Hold my drink. 629 00:40:20,502 --> 00:40:21,877 Hit it! 630 00:40:21,962 --> 00:40:22,962 (Tires screech) 631 00:40:25,632 --> 00:40:27,007 (Cheering) 632 00:40:28,635 --> 00:40:30,302 Thank you, good sisters. 633 00:40:31,596 --> 00:40:35,224 May the good Lord take a liking to you, but not too soon. 634 00:40:35,308 --> 00:40:36,767 Bless you, my children. 635 00:40:36,852 --> 00:40:39,854 Those guys are more juiced up than that Ferrari. 636 00:40:39,938 --> 00:40:41,647 (Fenderbaum whoops) 637 00:40:42,399 --> 00:40:52,240 (Tires screech) 638 00:40:53,784 --> 00:40:56,870 - JJ! JJ, wait! I got the doc! - Terrific. 639 00:40:56,954 --> 00:41:00,165 No, wait. He's in the ambulance. This way. 640 00:41:00,249 --> 00:41:01,833 Come on! 641 00:41:01,917 --> 00:41:04,377 Before I open this, don't get your hopes up too high. 642 00:41:04,462 --> 00:41:06,504 - I was pressed for time. - No problem. 643 00:41:06,589 --> 00:41:08,590 (♪ Ominous church organ) 644 00:41:10,926 --> 00:41:12,260 Holy shit. 645 00:41:12,344 --> 00:41:14,304 (Coughs) I'm honored, sir! 646 00:41:14,388 --> 00:41:16,598 I'm Doctor Nikol... (Coughs, wheezes) 647 00:41:16,682 --> 00:41:19,726 Nikolas Van Helsing, professor of proctology 648 00:41:19,810 --> 00:41:21,561 and other related tendencies. 649 00:41:21,645 --> 00:41:25,732 Graduate of the University of Rangoon and assorted night classes 650 00:41:25,816 --> 00:41:29,444 at the Knoxville, Tennessee, College of Faith Healing. 651 00:41:29,528 --> 00:41:32,488 You may be a little overqualified for this job. 652 00:41:32,572 --> 00:41:34,156 You got your equipment with you? 653 00:41:34,240 --> 00:41:36,742 I never go anywhere without it. 654 00:41:36,826 --> 00:41:41,872 However, in my particular line of work, I seldom need more than this. (Chuckles) 655 00:41:42,916 --> 00:41:44,833 (Coughs) Or this. 656 00:41:47,837 --> 00:41:49,838 (Van Helsing grunts, mumbles) 657 00:41:51,508 --> 00:41:53,425 We'll talk about this later, huh? 658 00:41:53,510 --> 00:41:56,804 Now, sir, before we commence this odyssey, 659 00:41:56,888 --> 00:41:59,932 which I understand will carry us across this grand nation, 660 00:42:00,016 --> 00:42:01,892 from sea to shining sea, 661 00:42:01,976 --> 00:42:04,311 there's the matter of my compensation. 662 00:42:05,230 --> 00:42:09,566 I've determined that my services will require the payment of $2,000. 663 00:42:13,154 --> 00:42:16,240 I was thinking more along the lines of $200. 664 00:42:16,324 --> 00:42:21,327 For... (Coughs) Fortunately, my practice allows me a certain flexibility. 665 00:42:23,664 --> 00:42:26,999 After checking my schedule, I find I'll be able to make the journey. 666 00:42:27,084 --> 00:42:29,710 As far as the money's concerned, you got a deal. 667 00:42:33,257 --> 00:42:34,799 We're off. (Laughs) 668 00:42:37,761 --> 00:42:39,011 - Here we go. - Here we go. 669 00:42:39,096 --> 00:42:42,056 3,000 carefree, madcap miles to California. 670 00:42:42,140 --> 00:42:46,769 California, here we come, right back where we started from. 671 00:42:46,854 --> 00:42:50,189 Thanks to you, Victor, we do not have a female patient in the back. 672 00:42:50,274 --> 00:42:56,362 - Thanks to your wonderful cousin Tessie. - It's not my fault she didn't fit in the stretcher. 673 00:42:56,446 --> 00:43:00,074 - Doesn't fit in the ambulance. - I got the doc here, didn't I? 674 00:43:00,158 --> 00:43:01,826 (Van Helsing splutters) 675 00:43:01,910 --> 00:43:03,994 Don't you ever tell me where you got him. 676 00:43:04,078 --> 00:43:06,746 - I don't want to know where you got him. - OK. 677 00:43:06,831 --> 00:43:08,999 I was just surprised that all the animals there were... 678 00:43:09,083 --> 00:43:11,459 - I don't want to know where you got him! - OK. 679 00:43:11,544 --> 00:43:14,546 - (Van Helsing sings) - Hey, maybe I could be the patient. 680 00:43:14,630 --> 00:43:17,632 That's a good idea. Everybody would believe you were sick. 681 00:43:17,717 --> 00:43:20,927 - Wouldn't you believe he's sick? - Want me to examine him? 682 00:43:21,012 --> 00:43:25,432 JJ. Him doesn't like it when you say bad things about me, 683 00:43:25,516 --> 00:43:27,100 and you know that. 684 00:43:27,935 --> 00:43:30,770 Thanks to you, though, we don't have a female patient. 685 00:43:30,855 --> 00:43:32,939 And we've got to find a female... 686 00:43:34,025 --> 00:43:35,525 (Victor) JJ. 687 00:43:35,610 --> 00:43:37,152 Damn Cannonballers. 688 00:43:40,531 --> 00:43:43,325 - Hi. I'm so happy you're here. - Hi. 689 00:43:43,409 --> 00:43:46,620 - Can you help me with Mr, um... - Foyt. 690 00:43:46,704 --> 00:43:49,663 - Foyt. - Sure. That's what I'm here for. 691 00:43:49,748 --> 00:43:52,875 Mr. Foyt, go around and get in the emergency entrance. 692 00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:55,377 Come on right here. 693 00:43:55,462 --> 00:43:57,296 There we go. Hit it! 694 00:43:57,380 --> 00:43:58,839 Wait, I'm not... 695 00:43:58,924 --> 00:44:00,174 Ow! 696 00:44:01,885 --> 00:44:03,761 This is really terrific, 697 00:44:03,845 --> 00:44:06,472 the way you guys go around helping people. 698 00:44:06,556 --> 00:44:10,935 Next year we're going for the Nobel Prize. That's where the big bucks are. 699 00:44:13,939 --> 00:44:15,230 You forgot Mr... 700 00:44:15,315 --> 00:44:16,857 Uh... Mr... 701 00:44:16,942 --> 00:44:18,609 - (Both) Foyt. ...Foyt! 702 00:44:18,693 --> 00:44:20,569 Mm. Well, we got you. 703 00:44:20,654 --> 00:44:23,364 We're batting.500. Nobody's perfect. 704 00:44:23,448 --> 00:44:25,699 I think you have to go back and pick him up. 705 00:44:26,743 --> 00:44:27,826 (Both chuckle) 706 00:44:27,911 --> 00:44:30,788 We'd really like to, but we're on a tight schedule. 707 00:44:30,872 --> 00:44:32,414 We're on our way to California. 708 00:44:32,499 --> 00:44:35,833 You'd be amazed how many sick people there are out there. 709 00:44:35,918 --> 00:44:38,836 They need our help. We could pick him up on the way back. 710 00:44:42,466 --> 00:44:44,884 Victor, can you help me? 711 00:44:44,969 --> 00:44:47,762 No, I can't. I can't do anything. 712 00:44:47,846 --> 00:44:50,306 But... he can. 713 00:44:50,391 --> 00:44:51,975 Who can? 714 00:44:52,059 --> 00:44:53,476 Him. 715 00:45:03,278 --> 00:45:07,323 Excuse me. 716 00:45:09,034 --> 00:45:10,410 Doctor... 717 00:45:10,494 --> 00:45:12,161 (♪ Ominous church organ) 718 00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:14,330 (Gasps) 719 00:45:15,624 --> 00:45:17,792 My God, the perfect specimen. 720 00:45:18,668 --> 00:45:21,920 JJ, you want me to start the examination right away? 721 00:45:22,005 --> 00:45:24,339 I'm gonna like this job. Right here, honey. 722 00:45:24,424 --> 00:45:26,675 No, thank you. Not right now. 723 00:45:31,472 --> 00:45:33,015 (Speaks foreign language) 724 00:45:35,226 --> 00:45:37,394 Of course, man. This took 30 years. 725 00:45:44,318 --> 00:45:45,777 (Both giggle) 726 00:45:45,862 --> 00:45:49,448 (Hui) Never be able to see us, the son of a guns. 727 00:45:49,532 --> 00:45:51,074 (Both laugh) 728 00:45:53,995 --> 00:45:55,912 (Both chatter excitedly) 729 00:46:00,877 --> 00:46:02,044 (Siren) 730 00:46:11,219 --> 00:46:14,346 I'm really sorry about that little lapse, Officer. 731 00:46:14,431 --> 00:46:16,724 Normally, I drive right around the speed limit. 732 00:46:16,808 --> 00:46:21,103 We all make mistakes, miss, but 160? That's a little more than a lapse. 733 00:46:21,188 --> 00:46:24,023 (Engines roaring) 734 00:46:30,739 --> 00:46:33,866 What the hell is going on here? Everybody's driving like maniacs. 735 00:46:33,950 --> 00:46:35,451 I don't know, Officer. 736 00:46:35,535 --> 00:46:37,703 Let me see your driver's license, please. 737 00:46:44,461 --> 00:46:45,878 (Radio chatter) 738 00:46:50,549 --> 00:46:55,970 Ah, what the hell? I can't penalize nice girls like you for a little indiscretion 739 00:46:56,055 --> 00:46:59,182 with the whole road packed with speed-crazy lunatics. 740 00:46:59,266 --> 00:47:00,725 (Both chuckle) 741 00:47:00,810 --> 00:47:03,228 Here. You girls have a nice trip. 742 00:47:03,312 --> 00:47:05,730 - Drive carefully and take it easy. - Thank you. 743 00:47:05,815 --> 00:47:08,817 - Come back and see us next year. - Bye. 744 00:47:10,277 --> 00:47:11,528 Take care. 745 00:47:11,612 --> 00:47:13,404 Keep it in the road. 746 00:47:17,118 --> 00:47:19,661 I don't know why you're pouting. I mean, look, 747 00:47:19,745 --> 00:47:22,372 we're taking a nice, leisurely trip to California. 748 00:47:22,456 --> 00:47:24,707 And we're picking up the bills. This could be fun. 749 00:47:24,792 --> 00:47:26,918 I can't believe this is happening to me. 750 00:47:27,002 --> 00:47:28,962 This is not a joke anymore. I'm being kidnapped. 751 00:47:29,046 --> 00:47:31,172 You can call it kidnapping, if you want to be rude. 752 00:47:31,257 --> 00:47:34,133 Just think, we have a professional physician on board 753 00:47:34,217 --> 00:47:36,927 in case somebody gets swamp fever. 754 00:47:38,721 --> 00:47:40,597 You guys are strange. 755 00:47:42,809 --> 00:47:44,101 (Siren blares) 756 00:47:44,185 --> 00:47:46,019 - JJ? - Yeah? 757 00:47:46,104 --> 00:47:48,230 - We got company. - Yeah, I hear. 758 00:47:49,607 --> 00:47:51,900 OK, Beauty. You lie down and be a patient for the police. 759 00:47:51,985 --> 00:47:53,527 - No. - Come on. 760 00:47:53,611 --> 00:47:57,364 Don't! I'm not gonna help you. You didn't even help Mr... 761 00:47:57,907 --> 00:47:59,324 - (JJ and Victor) Foyt. ...Foyt. 762 00:48:00,535 --> 00:48:02,828 Maybe I can help. 763 00:48:03,663 --> 00:48:05,122 Dear God. 764 00:48:05,206 --> 00:48:07,124 It's all right, miss. It doesn't hurt. 765 00:48:07,208 --> 00:48:08,917 Give it to myself all the time. 766 00:48:09,002 --> 00:48:11,044 Yeah. He gives it to himself all the time. 767 00:48:13,423 --> 00:48:15,382 Show her. 768 00:48:17,218 --> 00:48:19,303 Come on, Doc. Show her. 769 00:48:21,138 --> 00:48:22,597 Show her. 770 00:48:31,148 --> 00:48:32,273 (Whimpers) 771 00:48:36,236 --> 00:48:38,362 There. You see? 772 00:48:38,447 --> 00:48:39,697 That didn't hurt. 773 00:48:39,781 --> 00:48:41,449 (Whimpers) 774 00:48:41,533 --> 00:48:43,367 - JJ? - No, thanks. 775 00:48:43,452 --> 00:48:44,577 Victor? 776 00:48:44,661 --> 00:48:46,078 Oh, no thanks. 777 00:48:47,289 --> 00:48:48,748 No. 778 00:48:53,587 --> 00:48:54,921 (Whimpers) 779 00:49:10,311 --> 00:49:12,520 Hi, guys. What's up? 780 00:49:12,605 --> 00:49:13,813 - What's up? - Huh. 781 00:49:13,898 --> 00:49:17,609 You guys are running 120, your little lights are flashing all over. That's what's up. 782 00:49:17,693 --> 00:49:21,238 - We've got a patient in there. - You were still speeding. 783 00:49:21,322 --> 00:49:25,533 - She's, uh... She's very sick. - There's not a hospital within 50 miles. 784 00:49:25,618 --> 00:49:27,244 - Where you headed? - UCLA. 785 00:49:27,328 --> 00:49:28,578 UCLA? 786 00:49:28,663 --> 00:49:30,914 - UCLA Medical Center. - LA. 787 00:49:30,998 --> 00:49:32,290 California? 788 00:49:33,584 --> 00:49:38,421 This is gonna sound like a dumb question, but if she's that sick, why didn't you fly her? 789 00:49:38,506 --> 00:49:40,298 Why didn't we fly her? 790 00:49:43,177 --> 00:49:46,346 I'm just the driver. We have to ask the doc. 791 00:49:46,430 --> 00:49:47,597 No. 792 00:49:47,682 --> 00:49:50,474 That's a good idea. Why don't we ask the doc? 793 00:49:50,558 --> 00:49:51,809 (Babbles) 794 00:49:51,893 --> 00:49:53,352 I'm sorry. 795 00:49:56,898 --> 00:50:00,025 What's going on out here? What is this crude interruption? 796 00:50:04,906 --> 00:50:08,075 The patient. Why can't she be flown to California? 797 00:50:08,159 --> 00:50:12,371 Cysts. On the walls of her lungs. Very rare. 798 00:50:12,455 --> 00:50:15,791 You see, airplanes are only pressurized at 10,000 feet. 799 00:50:15,875 --> 00:50:20,045 Anybody who knows anything about medicine knows that she can't fly. 800 00:50:20,130 --> 00:50:22,381 We couldn't even go through Denver it's so high. 801 00:50:22,465 --> 00:50:26,343 Tell them to go back and pick up Mr... 802 00:50:27,262 --> 00:50:28,512 (All) Foyt. (Pamela)... Foyt. 803 00:50:28,596 --> 00:50:30,055 Is that lady all right? 804 00:50:30,140 --> 00:50:31,724 She's in great pain. 805 00:50:31,808 --> 00:50:35,269 Causes her to make certain delirious... drememium... 806 00:50:35,353 --> 00:50:37,312 (Pamela) I'm deliri... (Giggles) 807 00:50:39,231 --> 00:50:43,776 - Sounds like she's on something to me. - Let me explain something to you. 808 00:50:43,861 --> 00:50:47,780 We have to get the senator's wife to California in 72 hours. 809 00:50:47,865 --> 00:50:50,074 Do you understand what I'm saying? We ha... 810 00:50:51,785 --> 00:50:56,748 We have to get the senator's wife to California in 72 hours. 811 00:50:56,832 --> 00:50:58,916 We're very close. 812 00:51:00,169 --> 00:51:04,339 Well, as long as you're in New Jersey, I want you fellas to take it easy. 813 00:51:04,423 --> 00:51:06,924 - You got that? - We sure do. 814 00:51:08,677 --> 00:51:11,346 - Thanks a lot. - Get this rig outta here. 815 00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:16,642 I'm glad there's no cupcakes like that in New Jersey. 816 00:51:16,727 --> 00:51:19,270 You haven't met my brother-in-law, Ralph. 817 00:51:22,065 --> 00:51:23,774 (JJ and Victor giggle) 818 00:51:28,154 --> 00:51:30,655 I thought that cop was gonna have a cardiac arrest 819 00:51:30,740 --> 00:51:32,824 when we said we were going to California. 820 00:51:32,909 --> 00:51:34,701 (Both laugh) 821 00:51:34,786 --> 00:51:36,453 Wasn't Beauty terrific? 822 00:51:36,537 --> 00:51:38,330 The lady was splendid. 823 00:51:38,414 --> 00:51:42,000 She should have her picture on the cover of the AMA journal. 824 00:51:42,085 --> 00:51:44,836 - (Groans) AMA journal. - (Thud) 825 00:51:47,465 --> 00:51:49,883 I'm sure that doctor's a very sweet man, basically. 826 00:51:49,967 --> 00:51:50,967 Thanks. 827 00:51:51,052 --> 00:51:53,637 But don't you ever tell me where you found him. 828 00:51:53,721 --> 00:51:55,514 Ever. 829 00:51:56,015 --> 00:51:58,266 - (Jet engines) - It's the damn Cannonball for sure. 830 00:51:58,351 --> 00:52:00,644 They blasted away right in front of my eyes. 831 00:52:00,728 --> 00:52:03,438 And they kidnapped a girl named Pamela Glover, 832 00:52:03,523 --> 00:52:06,440 just like it was the goddamn Red Brigade or something. 833 00:52:06,525 --> 00:52:08,567 But I... No, I've got them. 834 00:52:08,652 --> 00:52:11,028 This time I've got them. 835 00:52:11,113 --> 00:52:14,156 Ohio? Yes. Ohio has been notified. 836 00:52:14,241 --> 00:52:16,992 Yeah. Ohio has been notified. 837 00:52:17,077 --> 00:52:20,496 And Missouri. And California. 838 00:52:20,580 --> 00:52:23,624 We'll get them, and I'm gonna be there to handle it. 839 00:52:24,459 --> 00:52:25,918 You can count on it. 840 00:52:26,878 --> 00:52:27,878 Yeah. 841 00:52:27,963 --> 00:52:31,841 Listen, I've got two minutes to catch my flight. Yeah. Bye. 842 00:52:35,470 --> 00:52:37,346 Hey. Hey! 843 00:52:38,723 --> 00:52:40,433 - Madam. Madam! - Madam? 844 00:52:40,517 --> 00:52:43,102 I'm no madam. I'm a decent, respectable woman. 845 00:52:43,186 --> 00:52:45,563 I don't even own a house. I live in an apartment. 846 00:52:45,647 --> 00:52:47,898 Now get off my case. I'm late for my plane. 847 00:52:54,113 --> 00:52:55,822 Oh! (Groans) 848 00:52:57,491 --> 00:52:59,409 (Continues groaning) 849 00:52:59,493 --> 00:53:02,036 (♪ James Bond music) 850 00:53:02,121 --> 00:53:05,415 - Well, then, after my career in the RAF... - The what? 851 00:53:05,499 --> 00:53:07,917 - The Royal Air Force. - Oh. 852 00:53:08,002 --> 00:53:11,504 - Do you mind if I have a cigarette? - Go ahead. They're your lungs. 853 00:53:11,589 --> 00:53:14,841 Well, I had a chestful of citations, medals, that sort of thing, 854 00:53:14,925 --> 00:53:17,510 and then I drifted in playing a rather popular... 855 00:53:17,595 --> 00:53:19,137 Not that one, darling, please. 856 00:53:19,221 --> 00:53:22,932 We don't want you leaving so shortly after the trip has begun, do we? 857 00:53:23,017 --> 00:53:24,976 No, of course not. 858 00:53:25,060 --> 00:53:29,814 Then I drifted into playing a rather popular character on a television series. 859 00:53:29,899 --> 00:53:31,900 It's still in syndication, you know. 860 00:53:33,402 --> 00:53:34,986 Puff away. 861 00:53:36,155 --> 00:53:39,615 Thanks a lot, ladies. But I would take it a little easier. 862 00:53:39,699 --> 00:53:43,285 Some of the officers up the road might not be as understanding. 863 00:53:43,369 --> 00:53:47,998 Thank you so much, Officer. We really do appreciate that warning. 864 00:53:48,082 --> 00:53:51,168 And if you're ever up in Duluth, remember to look me up. 865 00:53:52,795 --> 00:53:56,423 I got the number. You can count on it. 866 00:54:03,973 --> 00:54:05,182 (Pamela hums tune) 867 00:54:07,727 --> 00:54:09,770 - How's the patient? - (Grunts) 868 00:54:12,065 --> 00:54:13,398 (Grunts) 869 00:54:13,483 --> 00:54:15,025 - (Ticking) - She's alive. 870 00:54:15,109 --> 00:54:17,861 Looks like she survived the procedure. 871 00:54:17,946 --> 00:54:19,279 What procedure? 872 00:54:19,364 --> 00:54:22,532 (Chuckles) If you guys laid a finger on me... 873 00:54:22,991 --> 00:54:23,991 (Mouths) 874 00:54:26,620 --> 00:54:29,288 No, I just gave her a little prick. 875 00:54:30,707 --> 00:54:32,583 With this. 876 00:54:32,668 --> 00:54:36,170 (Brad) Super Chief, lean forward so I can get the front wheel on the ground. 877 00:54:36,255 --> 00:54:39,090 - (Shakey) Stop kidding. I am. - (Laughs nervously) 878 00:54:50,811 --> 00:54:52,270 (Car horn toots) 879 00:54:54,314 --> 00:54:58,651 Pull over! We want to give you our blessings. 880 00:54:58,735 --> 00:55:02,280 JJ. There are two priests in that car over there. 881 00:55:02,364 --> 00:55:03,573 What? 882 00:55:06,118 --> 00:55:07,951 They want us to pull over. 883 00:55:08,035 --> 00:55:09,619 - Victor. - Yeah. 884 00:55:09,704 --> 00:55:11,746 They're two priests driving a Ferrari. 885 00:55:11,831 --> 00:55:14,833 When's the last time you saw two priests driving a Ferrari? 886 00:55:14,917 --> 00:55:18,295 - They taking the bingo money home? - They're doing the work of the Lord. 887 00:55:18,379 --> 00:55:20,880 In a Ferrari, they can do it faster, that's all. 888 00:55:21,882 --> 00:55:24,801 - (Car horn toots) - (Fenderbaum) Pull over! 889 00:55:24,885 --> 00:55:27,178 We want to bless you! 890 00:55:29,432 --> 00:55:30,765 - Victor. - Yeah? 891 00:55:30,850 --> 00:55:32,976 One of the priests is black. 892 00:55:33,060 --> 00:55:35,854 - Oh, yeah. They have black priests. - They do? 893 00:55:35,938 --> 00:55:37,772 Oh, sure. They have a black cardinal. 894 00:55:37,857 --> 00:55:42,611 Oh! They do want us to pull over. They want to bless us. Can we? 895 00:55:42,695 --> 00:55:45,155 (Laughs) Let me get this straight. 896 00:55:45,239 --> 00:55:51,369 You want us to pull over and be blessed by a black priest in a red Ferrari? 897 00:55:51,454 --> 00:55:52,454 Couldn't hurt. 898 00:55:53,747 --> 00:55:55,205 Oy vey! 899 00:56:03,506 --> 00:56:06,091 - Nice car, Father. - Thank you, asshole. 900 00:56:07,719 --> 00:56:09,928 Hello, Father. Nice-looking car. 901 00:56:10,013 --> 00:56:12,640 That's what everybody... He even said it. 902 00:56:12,724 --> 00:56:15,100 I want to thank you for stopping, son, 903 00:56:15,185 --> 00:56:20,356 'cause we always stop the ambulance so we can bless whosever's in there. 904 00:56:20,440 --> 00:56:23,776 And you paramedics are doing such a wonderful job. 905 00:56:23,860 --> 00:56:27,071 We're in kind of a hurry, so if you can just bless it and then we can... 906 00:56:28,782 --> 00:56:33,160 - Oh. I gotta bless her. - I'm sorry, Father. She's a Zen Buddhist. 907 00:56:33,244 --> 00:56:37,956 - You're not, so you can't bless her. - We specialize in blessing Zen Buddhists. 908 00:56:38,041 --> 00:56:39,374 Yeah. 909 00:56:39,458 --> 00:56:41,834 - (♪ Ominous church organ) - (Yawns) 910 00:56:41,919 --> 00:56:44,712 - Oh... - Yes? 911 00:56:45,714 --> 00:56:48,257 Second thought, Father, you want to bless him? 912 00:56:48,342 --> 00:56:51,761 We need all the help we can get. Just give him a little shot. 913 00:56:54,765 --> 00:56:57,600 - Thank you, Father. - You're quite welcome. 914 00:56:57,685 --> 00:56:59,519 - You did a good job. - Thank you. 915 00:57:01,230 --> 00:57:02,522 (Air hissing) 916 00:57:03,399 --> 00:57:04,941 Thank you, Father. 917 00:57:05,734 --> 00:57:09,320 Why don't you take that piece of shit back to the junkyard? (Cackles) 918 00:57:09,405 --> 00:57:10,822 (Tires screech) 919 00:57:14,159 --> 00:57:15,785 (Air hissing) 920 00:57:15,869 --> 00:57:19,205 - Ooh! JJ, we got a... - Flat. 921 00:57:19,289 --> 00:57:22,625 - Yeah. And those priests... - Weren't fathers. 922 00:57:22,710 --> 00:57:24,376 - They were... - Mothers. 923 00:57:25,044 --> 00:57:26,753 - Come here. - Oh, jeez. 924 00:57:26,838 --> 00:57:29,715 (Groans) Ah, shit! 925 00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:32,801 (♪ James Bond music) 926 00:57:33,803 --> 00:57:36,972 So there you have it, a rather simple story, actually. 927 00:57:37,056 --> 00:57:40,684 International film star, ruthless assassin, 928 00:57:40,768 --> 00:57:43,687 Casanova, poet, philosopher. (Chuckles) 929 00:57:43,771 --> 00:57:46,064 You might say a legend in my own time. 930 00:57:46,149 --> 00:57:49,067 In fact, you can. Not that one, darling. 931 00:57:49,152 --> 00:57:51,778 I'm afraid this car is full of surprises. 932 00:57:51,863 --> 00:57:54,197 (French accent) This is something I've noticed. 933 00:57:54,282 --> 00:57:56,158 How about some champagne, darling? 934 00:57:56,242 --> 00:58:01,496 (Man on radio) Little silver four-wheeler that just flew past, with the good-lookin' seat cover. 935 00:58:01,581 --> 00:58:05,125 Son, back that thing down. You got smokeys all over my back door. 936 00:58:06,169 --> 00:58:07,878 If you are referring to me, 937 00:58:07,962 --> 00:58:12,173 I request that you speak more clearly in the Queen's English. 938 00:58:12,257 --> 00:58:15,092 That is, if we are going to converse on this wireless. 939 00:58:15,177 --> 00:58:17,595 Ah. Bless your heart. 940 00:58:17,679 --> 00:58:19,388 Cheers. 941 00:58:19,473 --> 00:58:21,348 Down the hatch. 942 00:58:51,046 --> 00:58:54,380 What do you think you're doing? You can't come in here. 943 00:58:54,465 --> 00:58:55,507 You're a man. 944 00:58:55,591 --> 00:58:58,885 - (Man on speaker) 7-Eleven. How can I help? - Pumps one and two, hit 'em. 945 00:58:58,969 --> 00:59:02,555 (Man) What are you, some kind of nut? You got one unleaded and one premium. 946 00:59:03,557 --> 00:59:05,683 She goes both ways. 947 00:59:05,768 --> 00:59:09,020 The round orange moon pie with the white hat on, he'll pay for it. 948 00:59:09,104 --> 00:59:12,106 I'm a doctor, and if I may be permitted the indelicacy, 949 00:59:12,191 --> 00:59:14,859 you seen one, you've seen 'em all. 950 00:59:15,528 --> 00:59:16,778 (Whimpers) 951 00:59:19,323 --> 00:59:20,782 (Engine approaches) 952 00:59:21,909 --> 00:59:26,329 (Shakey) A thousand miles on one wheel? We're trying to win a race, not set a record. 953 00:59:40,510 --> 00:59:41,802 (Engine revs) 954 00:59:44,055 --> 00:59:45,430 (JJ) Victor, what have you got? 955 00:59:45,515 --> 00:59:48,725 A lot of goodies for you guys and a Big Gulp Dr Pepper for me. 956 00:59:48,810 --> 00:59:50,644 (♪ Sings Dr Pepper jingle) 957 00:59:53,314 --> 00:59:56,191 - (JJ) Will you get in here?! - OK. Here you go. 958 00:59:58,319 --> 01:00:04,658 (Tires screech) 959 01:00:04,742 --> 01:00:06,201 (JJ) Officer. 960 01:00:10,331 --> 01:00:12,374 Do you take your law and order in this town seriously? 961 01:00:12,458 --> 01:00:13,584 Are you kidding? 962 01:00:19,215 --> 01:00:20,841 Excuse me for asking. 963 01:00:20,925 --> 01:00:23,260 Greek! But... 964 01:00:23,344 --> 01:00:25,636 Would you shut up a minute and listen to me? 965 01:00:25,971 --> 01:00:27,930 (Both speak foreign language) 966 01:00:33,228 --> 01:00:34,645 (Tires screech) 967 01:00:39,860 --> 01:00:42,445 Oh, by the way, Greek. 968 01:00:42,529 --> 01:00:46,073 What's the odds on the Japanese team not finishing? 969 01:00:46,158 --> 01:00:48,743 There's gonna be a red Ferrari come flying through here 970 01:00:48,827 --> 01:00:52,955 and the two men driving are responsible for the victim in this ambulance. 971 01:00:53,040 --> 01:00:56,000 - Victim? - A flasher victim. 972 01:00:57,085 --> 01:00:59,086 - You want to know the worst part? - What's that? 973 01:00:59,171 --> 01:01:01,422 - They're dressed as priests. - Go on. 974 01:01:01,506 --> 01:01:04,675 I guess they think it's a little kinkier, dressed as priests. 975 01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:06,719 Goddamn, that's sick. 976 01:01:06,803 --> 01:01:09,221 - I'll handle this. - One more thing. 977 01:01:09,306 --> 01:01:10,513 I think they're armed. 978 01:01:11,724 --> 01:01:13,308 Damn, I hope so. 979 01:01:14,226 --> 01:01:15,644 It'll give me an excuse. 980 01:01:23,194 --> 01:01:24,569 (Tires screech) 981 01:01:24,654 --> 01:01:26,237 (Victor) Flashers! (Giggles) 982 01:01:27,365 --> 01:01:28,823 (JJ) Bye-bye! 983 01:01:28,908 --> 01:01:30,909 JJ, you son of a! 984 01:01:30,993 --> 01:01:32,953 Out of the car, both of you. 985 01:01:33,037 --> 01:01:34,412 Now! 986 01:01:37,875 --> 01:01:39,668 All right, hit it. 987 01:01:39,752 --> 01:01:41,211 - Hit it? - Hit it? 988 01:01:44,215 --> 01:01:46,049 (♪ Banjo tune) 989 01:01:48,427 --> 01:01:51,930 - Freeze, or name your beneficiary. - Beneficiary? 990 01:01:52,014 --> 01:01:55,891 - Officer, I sincerely hope you're not a Catholic. - Pay no attention to him. 991 01:01:55,976 --> 01:01:59,895 He's been locked up for six years in that monastery. He don't know what he's doing. 992 01:01:59,980 --> 01:02:02,189 I don't think both of his paddles are in the water. 993 01:02:02,273 --> 01:02:04,233 Six years is gonna seem like a summer vacation 994 01:02:04,317 --> 01:02:06,735 when the state of Missouri gets through with you. 995 01:02:06,820 --> 01:02:09,822 You, shorty. Where'd you get all that jewelry? 996 01:02:11,199 --> 01:02:13,867 - Why'd he call me shorty? - 'Cause you're small. 997 01:02:13,952 --> 01:02:17,121 - Small. S-M-all. - Oh. 998 01:02:18,665 --> 01:02:20,457 (Man on radio) I suggest you take another route, good buddy. 999 01:02:20,542 --> 01:02:24,628 The smokeys have got traffic all tied up on 40 looking for them Cannonballers. 1000 01:02:24,713 --> 01:02:26,797 (Second man) That's a big ten-four. 1001 01:02:26,881 --> 01:02:27,965 - Hey, JJ. - Yeah? 1002 01:02:28,049 --> 01:02:30,968 There's a lot of talk on the CB about the roadblock ahead. 1003 01:02:31,052 --> 01:02:32,094 What do you think? 1004 01:02:32,178 --> 01:02:36,807 I think we're in deep you-know-what. The transmission is slipping. 1005 01:02:36,891 --> 01:02:39,643 We lost a lot of time because of your two phony priests. 1006 01:02:39,728 --> 01:02:41,978 - Oh. I'm sorry. - (Babbles) 1007 01:02:42,730 --> 01:02:44,856 If the transmission does hold together, 1008 01:02:44,940 --> 01:02:47,692 you think we're gonna be able to bluff our way through the roadblock? 1009 01:02:47,776 --> 01:02:51,446 I don't know. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts. 1010 01:02:59,038 --> 01:03:00,955 I gathered my thoughts. 1011 01:03:01,040 --> 01:03:04,000 Hey, Lowboy! Look in your rearview mirror. 1012 01:03:04,084 --> 01:03:05,877 See this ambulance back here? 1013 01:03:05,961 --> 01:03:08,129 We need a piggyback ride. 1014 01:03:09,757 --> 01:03:12,425 (Foyt) This one can go by. There's no problem here. 1015 01:03:12,509 --> 01:03:17,263 Uh... Let's just have this one and that one. 1016 01:03:17,347 --> 01:03:19,098 Um... (Murmurs) 1017 01:03:20,934 --> 01:03:24,520 Yeah, that one's OK. Let it go. 1018 01:03:28,441 --> 01:03:29,941 Excuse me. 1019 01:03:30,026 --> 01:03:31,735 You look very familiar. Do I know you? 1020 01:03:31,819 --> 01:03:33,987 It's quite possible. Is this going to take long? 1021 01:03:34,072 --> 01:03:36,698 You see, we're on our honeymoon, and she can't wait. 1022 01:03:36,783 --> 01:03:38,617 Thank God. Normal people. 1023 01:03:38,701 --> 01:03:40,619 We were just looking for Cannonb... 1024 01:03:40,703 --> 01:03:43,038 It's not important. Move along, if you would. 1025 01:03:43,122 --> 01:03:45,665 - What is this, anyway? - It's a stakeout. 1026 01:03:45,750 --> 01:03:47,125 Oh. Bon appétit. 1027 01:03:48,836 --> 01:03:50,545 English humor. 1028 01:03:51,589 --> 01:03:54,382 Come on, guys, keep moving, will you, please? 1029 01:03:57,136 --> 01:03:58,595 Let's see... 1030 01:03:58,679 --> 01:04:00,680 (Tools clanging) 1031 01:04:01,432 --> 01:04:04,017 (JJ) Quiet, Victor. You're gonna blow our cover. 1032 01:04:04,102 --> 01:04:09,189 JJ, this is not a nine-to-five job. I wish him were here. 1033 01:04:09,273 --> 01:04:10,982 (JJ) Hi. 1034 01:04:11,067 --> 01:04:12,399 Hello. 1035 01:04:16,404 --> 01:04:20,199 - You look tired. - Ah, more frustrated than tired. 1036 01:04:20,283 --> 01:04:22,368 Think you're gonna win this crazy race? 1037 01:04:23,286 --> 01:04:24,578 Damn right I am. 1038 01:04:25,705 --> 01:04:29,625 I'm sitting here, having a conversation with somebody who kidnapped me. 1039 01:04:29,709 --> 01:04:34,255 Hm! Who can blame anybody for kidnapping you? 1040 01:04:35,257 --> 01:04:37,049 You gave me laughing gas. 1041 01:04:37,134 --> 01:04:40,010 Well, you have an awful beautiful laugh. 1042 01:04:40,095 --> 01:04:43,139 You made me forget my favorite skirt back at the motel... 1043 01:04:43,223 --> 01:04:46,225 Doesn't matter. You look terrific without it. 1044 01:04:54,609 --> 01:04:56,068 What'd you expect, anyway? 1045 01:04:59,155 --> 01:05:02,574 - A gangbang or something like that. - A gangbang? 1046 01:05:02,658 --> 01:05:05,076 We're racers, not rapists. 1047 01:05:06,078 --> 01:05:08,204 - Why? - Why what? 1048 01:05:10,583 --> 01:05:14,043 Why all this speed and trouble and risk and... 1049 01:05:14,128 --> 01:05:15,795 I mean, what for? 1050 01:05:15,880 --> 01:05:17,297 For the hell of it. 1051 01:05:19,884 --> 01:05:22,302 Didn't you ever do anything just for the hell of it? 1052 01:05:22,386 --> 01:05:23,803 I guess so. 1053 01:05:23,888 --> 01:05:26,556 My father used to work in the coal mines. 1054 01:05:29,185 --> 01:05:30,768 43 years. 1055 01:05:33,022 --> 01:05:34,606 He was gonna retire. 1056 01:05:35,774 --> 01:05:39,194 Buy a houseboat. Move down to Florida. 1057 01:05:40,821 --> 01:05:44,406 Fish on the back of the boat and tell my mom lies. 1058 01:05:47,744 --> 01:05:50,078 He died two days before he was gonna retire. 1059 01:05:50,163 --> 01:05:51,163 Oh. 1060 01:05:52,165 --> 01:05:53,999 I guess you just never know. 1061 01:05:54,792 --> 01:05:56,251 Yeah. 1062 01:05:57,545 --> 01:06:02,257 I made up my mind right then, I was gonna go for it. 1063 01:06:02,342 --> 01:06:05,802 I mean, everything I wanted, I was gonna go for it right then, 1064 01:06:07,180 --> 01:06:10,265 'cause you never know when something's gonna happen to you. 1065 01:06:11,309 --> 01:06:13,143 Like talking to you, you know? 1066 01:06:14,270 --> 01:06:15,687 I mean, it's really nice. 1067 01:06:18,816 --> 01:06:22,736 Uh... Excuse me. Where are you guys going? 1068 01:06:22,820 --> 01:06:26,823 We're just... We're just out-out-out looking for a pack of cigarettes. 1069 01:06:26,908 --> 01:06:30,576 With North Carolina plates, you're driving to Missouri for cigarettes? 1070 01:06:32,412 --> 01:06:33,788 How about a beer? 1071 01:06:33,872 --> 01:06:36,791 How about the fact that your paint job is coming off? 1072 01:06:36,875 --> 01:06:40,628 You want to take these guys away? The good guys strike back. 1073 01:06:40,712 --> 01:06:44,966 What is that? Five, eight, three... Five, eight, three, six... 1074 01:06:46,301 --> 01:06:50,554 Hold on. Hold on. Let it go. Come on. 1075 01:06:50,639 --> 01:06:52,974 Come on, guys, keep moving, will you, please? 1076 01:06:57,437 --> 01:06:59,814 Howdy, sir. What seems to be the problem? 1077 01:06:59,898 --> 01:07:03,734 You didn't think you'd get away with this? We're gonna get the whole lot of you now. 1078 01:07:03,819 --> 01:07:06,821 Not here, you won't. The word is out about your roadblock. 1079 01:07:06,905 --> 01:07:09,323 They're talking about it all up and down the "super slab". 1080 01:07:09,408 --> 01:07:12,826 Come on, get these traitors out of here, will you? 1081 01:07:12,910 --> 01:07:14,828 You think you're so big. 1082 01:07:15,621 --> 01:07:19,582 Do some of you people want to come over and push this thing out of the way? 1083 01:07:19,667 --> 01:07:21,751 Come on. I'll put it in neutral. 1084 01:07:22,795 --> 01:07:25,755 Who did that? Make it stop! 1085 01:07:39,937 --> 01:07:41,271 (Tires screech) 1086 01:07:41,355 --> 01:07:43,565 (JJ) Thanks a lot. Keep on truckin'! 1087 01:07:48,571 --> 01:07:50,864 (Chan and Hui laugh) 1088 01:07:50,948 --> 01:07:52,907 (Both speak foreign language) 1089 01:07:57,246 --> 01:08:00,205 George, you remember the good old days before they got radar? 1090 01:08:00,290 --> 01:08:03,584 - We used to chase speeders? - Yeah. This is really boring. 1091 01:08:03,668 --> 01:08:05,294 (Speaks foreign language) 1092 01:08:09,924 --> 01:08:11,216 (Rapid bleeping) 1093 01:08:22,145 --> 01:08:24,897 (Chan) Smokey. Sayonara. Bye-bye! 1094 01:08:24,981 --> 01:08:26,398 - (Whizzing) - What the hell was that? 1095 01:08:26,483 --> 01:08:29,151 I don't know, but whatever it was, it was doing 125. 1096 01:08:29,235 --> 01:08:30,819 (Both laugh) 1097 01:08:33,490 --> 01:08:35,407 (Both chat excitedly) 1098 01:08:37,619 --> 01:08:39,161 (Car horns blare) 1099 01:08:40,205 --> 01:08:41,997 (Car horn toots) 1100 01:08:42,082 --> 01:08:43,290 (Tires screech) 1101 01:08:44,458 --> 01:08:46,918 That's the first time we took an order by phone. 1102 01:08:47,002 --> 01:08:51,589 - It was hard to understand you. - When I called, I was doing 140 miles an hour. 1103 01:08:51,673 --> 01:08:54,050 That was six lamb burgers, four shish kebabs, 1104 01:08:54,134 --> 01:08:56,552 a side order of couscous, and... 1105 01:08:56,637 --> 01:08:58,262 two milk. 1106 01:08:58,347 --> 01:09:00,139 No! How much? 1107 01:09:00,224 --> 01:09:02,308 Six seventy-five. 1108 01:09:02,393 --> 01:09:04,394 Here, my desert blossom. 1109 01:09:04,478 --> 01:09:06,104 Keep the change. 1110 01:09:06,188 --> 01:09:08,606 Have you ever considered joining a harem? 1111 01:09:10,067 --> 01:09:12,735 I shall return for you after the race. 1112 01:09:21,620 --> 01:09:24,997 Get a physical. I shall return, my little fig. 1113 01:09:25,082 --> 01:09:26,666 I love you! 1114 01:09:32,880 --> 01:09:34,047 Victor... 1115 01:09:35,258 --> 01:09:37,050 I don't know how to ask you this. 1116 01:09:38,803 --> 01:09:42,264 Isn't it strange having that guy running around inside your head? 1117 01:09:42,348 --> 01:09:45,016 Oh! He's not in here. 1118 01:09:45,101 --> 01:09:48,019 He's out there somewhere, helping people. 1119 01:09:48,104 --> 01:09:50,689 - Oh! - He's always helping people. 1120 01:09:50,773 --> 01:09:53,358 - He'd help you. - He would? 1121 01:09:53,443 --> 01:09:55,485 He likes you. 1122 01:09:57,613 --> 01:10:01,241 Well, how did he find you? I mean, how did you two get together? 1123 01:10:01,325 --> 01:10:03,660 Well, when I was real young, 1124 01:10:03,744 --> 01:10:06,204 I didn't have any friends like I do now. 1125 01:10:06,289 --> 01:10:07,998 Like JJ... 1126 01:10:09,167 --> 01:10:10,250 Like JJ. 1127 01:10:13,379 --> 01:10:18,048 One day I was in the schoolyard, and nine guys were beating me up pretty good. 1128 01:10:18,133 --> 01:10:19,758 There he was. 1129 01:10:19,843 --> 01:10:21,719 Dun-dun-dah! 1130 01:10:21,803 --> 01:10:24,472 - Captain Chaos? - Yeah. Out of the blue. 1131 01:10:24,556 --> 01:10:28,726 Pow! Slam! Bam! Boff! 1132 01:10:30,145 --> 01:10:31,437 I sure was grateful. 1133 01:10:31,521 --> 01:10:33,189 - That's great! - Yeah. 1134 01:10:33,273 --> 01:10:35,858 Nobody bothered me at school after that. 1135 01:10:35,942 --> 01:10:37,776 I wish I had a friend like that. 1136 01:10:37,861 --> 01:10:40,821 Well, first, you need a mask and a cape. 1137 01:10:40,906 --> 01:10:43,657 I think I'd like mine to be pink. 1138 01:10:43,742 --> 01:10:45,493 Almost everything I wear is pink. 1139 01:10:45,577 --> 01:10:46,702 Everything? 1140 01:10:47,621 --> 01:10:49,538 Even? Uh... 1141 01:10:49,623 --> 01:10:51,081 Oh, I don't wear any. 1142 01:10:51,166 --> 01:10:52,917 - You don't? - Uh-uh. 1143 01:10:53,793 --> 01:10:55,085 (Quietly) Wow. 1144 01:10:57,339 --> 01:11:01,758 Victor, I'd like to be your friend. 'Cause I like you. 1145 01:11:01,842 --> 01:11:03,676 Oh. 1146 01:11:03,761 --> 01:11:05,762 I like you too, Beauty. 1147 01:11:05,846 --> 01:11:07,514 Thank you. 1148 01:11:12,686 --> 01:11:14,687 (Both speak foreign language) 1149 01:11:21,278 --> 01:11:23,530 New Mexico. (Chuckles) 1150 01:11:26,742 --> 01:11:28,034 (Chan exclaims) 1151 01:11:33,207 --> 01:11:35,750 (Chan) Texas! Stupid! 1152 01:11:35,834 --> 01:11:37,418 (Police siren blares) 1153 01:12:03,403 --> 01:12:04,611 (Sighs) 1154 01:12:05,572 --> 01:12:07,906 I'll take care of this one. 1155 01:12:19,627 --> 01:12:21,670 Well, hello, hot pants. 1156 01:12:21,754 --> 01:12:25,882 I don't suppose you have a driver's license tucked down in there somewhere, do you? 1157 01:12:25,967 --> 01:12:27,843 Yes, Officer. 1158 01:12:27,927 --> 01:12:29,177 (Chuckles) 1159 01:12:30,138 --> 01:12:31,554 (♪ James Bond music) 1160 01:12:36,560 --> 01:12:39,145 That policeman seems to want us to stop, darling. 1161 01:12:39,229 --> 01:12:42,523 Yes. He must be rather upset with our rapid rate. 1162 01:12:42,608 --> 01:12:45,359 Funny. They don't have any sense of humor about that sort of thing. 1163 01:12:45,444 --> 01:12:48,487 - Aren't you going to pull over? - I'd rather not. 1164 01:12:48,572 --> 01:12:51,699 Can be such a bore, talking to those chaps. 1165 01:12:51,783 --> 01:12:54,035 Tell you what. We'll just... slip away. 1166 01:12:54,119 --> 01:12:57,538 - Hit that button, will you? - Like in your movies! 1167 01:13:02,753 --> 01:13:05,546 (Woman) And now a little oil, right, darling? 1168 01:13:17,141 --> 01:13:20,018 Well, well. We are full of tricks, aren't we? 1169 01:13:20,102 --> 01:13:22,187 It's all part of my business, really. 1170 01:13:22,271 --> 01:13:25,065 I've been meaning to ask you, what movie? 1171 01:13:25,149 --> 01:13:27,651 Wait a minute. Can you see where you're going? 1172 01:13:27,735 --> 01:13:30,862 - Perfectly. - This is ridiculous. (Coughs) 1173 01:13:30,946 --> 01:13:32,947 - (Car horns blare) - (Tires screech) 1174 01:13:36,994 --> 01:13:41,831 (Seymour) Good sport, isn't it? Would you mind rolling the window down, old girl? 1175 01:13:41,916 --> 01:13:44,125 We're getting done like a couple of kippers here. 1176 01:13:44,210 --> 01:13:47,879 - Next time, I bring my mask. - Like a foggy day in London town. 1177 01:13:59,517 --> 01:14:02,434 (Voiceover on video) You are about to witness the ravishment of a woman 1178 01:14:02,519 --> 01:14:03,852 who has been abducted. 1179 01:14:03,937 --> 01:14:09,149 A woman whose initial fear has mellowed into curious expectation. 1180 01:14:09,234 --> 01:14:12,986 In the morning, she will be set free, unaware of anything, 1181 01:14:13,071 --> 01:14:15,906 except that she has been loved as never before... 1182 01:14:15,990 --> 01:14:18,742 - (Truck horn blares) - (Tires screech) 1183 01:14:22,330 --> 01:14:24,623 - (Car horn blares) - (Tires screech) 1184 01:14:25,250 --> 01:14:27,167 (Woman on video) Oh, no! Please... 1185 01:14:27,252 --> 01:14:30,170 (Moans) Oh, yes, there! There! 1186 01:14:31,673 --> 01:14:32,965 (Scolds angrily) 1187 01:14:36,219 --> 01:14:39,179 (Both bicker) 1188 01:14:42,851 --> 01:14:45,811 I've never seen a damn Rolls-Royce that'd do 140 miles an hour. 1189 01:14:45,895 --> 01:14:47,603 What you fellas got in that thing? 1190 01:14:47,688 --> 01:14:49,856 - Stock. - Sign here. 1191 01:14:49,940 --> 01:14:52,233 I guess you must have misconstrued my remark 1192 01:14:52,317 --> 01:14:55,027 about my mother planning to purchase Southern California 1193 01:14:55,112 --> 01:14:57,989 as an attempt to influence your giving me a ticket, Officer. 1194 01:14:58,073 --> 01:15:03,161 I am sure that she will still consider keeping you all on as a member of the Highway Patrol, 1195 01:15:03,245 --> 01:15:05,872 regardless of how shabbily you treated her son! 1196 01:15:05,956 --> 01:15:08,708 You might want to tell that to the judge, sir. 1197 01:15:08,792 --> 01:15:10,626 (Speaks Arabic) 1198 01:15:18,093 --> 01:15:19,302 (Tires screech) 1199 01:15:20,220 --> 01:15:23,014 (Sheik) This is for you and the judge! 1200 01:15:23,098 --> 01:15:25,057 Goddamn camel jockey! 1201 01:15:25,142 --> 01:15:26,184 (Tires screech) 1202 01:15:28,061 --> 01:15:29,437 (Sirens blare) 1203 01:15:32,482 --> 01:15:34,232 (Siren approaches) 1204 01:15:34,317 --> 01:15:37,819 Oh, shit. We got a smokey on our tail. 1205 01:15:37,904 --> 01:15:39,696 Watch this. 1206 01:15:42,074 --> 01:15:43,450 - Officer. - Pull it over. 1207 01:15:43,534 --> 01:15:45,160 We got no brakes! 1208 01:15:45,244 --> 01:15:48,371 No brakes! Help us! Yes, thank you. 1209 01:15:48,456 --> 01:15:50,540 Damn "no brake" gag works every time. 1210 01:15:53,252 --> 01:15:56,588 Oh, no! We really don't have any brakes! 1211 01:15:56,672 --> 01:15:58,757 - Quit kidding, will you? - Hang on! 1212 01:16:06,933 --> 01:16:12,604 Evel Knievel... you've got yourself some competition! 1213 01:16:12,688 --> 01:16:13,855 (Laughs) 1214 01:16:27,828 --> 01:16:31,413 (Both bicker) 1215 01:16:50,976 --> 01:16:52,852 (Bickering continues) 1216 01:16:54,020 --> 01:16:56,272 (Hui) Route 66. Ha-ha! 1217 01:17:10,077 --> 01:17:17,750 (Speaks foreign language) 1218 01:17:20,713 --> 01:17:22,297 Secret weapon. 1219 01:17:22,381 --> 01:17:24,507 (Makes pulsing sound, chuckles) 1220 01:17:26,552 --> 01:17:27,927 (Hui exclaims) 1221 01:17:33,767 --> 01:17:35,810 - (Rumbling) - (Rapid bleeping) 1222 01:17:37,479 --> 01:17:39,355 (Chan chatters nervously) 1223 01:17:41,483 --> 01:17:43,151 (Hui) Ready, fire! 1224 01:17:43,235 --> 01:17:45,236 - (Hissing) - (Bleeping intensifies) 1225 01:17:46,322 --> 01:17:47,863 (Explosion) 1226 01:17:49,449 --> 01:17:51,033 (Hui chats calmly) 1227 01:17:55,079 --> 01:17:57,122 (Jackhammer rattles) 1228 01:17:58,625 --> 01:18:01,001 How long we been here? 1229 01:18:01,085 --> 01:18:03,462 20 minutes. We could have been there by now. 1230 01:18:03,546 --> 01:18:06,173 The road will be open in five minutes, Father. 1231 01:18:10,595 --> 01:18:13,138 - (Victor) Gah! - (Thud, spring boings) 1232 01:18:15,683 --> 01:18:18,018 Hey, Father Putz. 1233 01:18:18,895 --> 01:18:20,896 Albert Schweitzer. 1234 01:18:20,980 --> 01:18:24,358 I want to thank you for being so sweet and so nice, 1235 01:18:24,442 --> 01:18:28,320 and telling those people all about us, back in Missouri, 1236 01:18:28,404 --> 01:18:31,990 that we were both flashers and sex maniacs. 1237 01:18:32,950 --> 01:18:34,158 (JJ chuckles) 1238 01:18:34,910 --> 01:18:37,370 Well, I just wanted to return the favor 1239 01:18:37,454 --> 01:18:40,331 that you and the chocolate monk did for us back in Ohio. 1240 01:18:41,333 --> 01:18:43,000 "The chocolate monk"? 1241 01:18:43,085 --> 01:18:45,586 - (Victor laughs wheezily) - (JJ chuckles) 1242 01:18:46,380 --> 01:18:47,463 He can say that. 1243 01:18:47,547 --> 01:18:49,382 He can say that, he can say that 1244 01:18:49,466 --> 01:18:52,843 'cause he's riding around with the Goodyear blimp! 1245 01:18:52,928 --> 01:18:56,013 - The Goodyear blimp? - He can say that. He can say that. 1246 01:18:56,098 --> 01:18:59,600 - Yeah, I can say that. - Because if I had the time, 1247 01:18:59,685 --> 01:19:03,270 I would take those rosary beads and stuff 'em up your nose. 1248 01:19:03,355 --> 01:19:05,690 - These rosary beads? My rosary beads? - Yeah. 1249 01:19:05,774 --> 01:19:09,068 - You're gonna shove 'em up this nose? - Up that nose, yeah. 1250 01:19:11,029 --> 01:19:13,864 - He can do that. - He can do that? 1251 01:19:13,949 --> 01:19:15,866 - You take a little advice? - Sure. 1252 01:19:17,661 --> 01:19:19,285 Bring friends. 1253 01:19:24,834 --> 01:19:27,085 A lot of 'em. (Chuckles) 1254 01:19:30,464 --> 01:19:33,258 (Chuckles) He wants me to bring... 1255 01:19:35,219 --> 01:19:36,261 Blimp? 1256 01:19:36,345 --> 01:19:38,430 (Chan reproaches) 1257 01:19:43,019 --> 01:19:44,602 (Hui remonstrates) 1258 01:19:50,609 --> 01:19:53,778 (JJ) Ah, the bride and groom Cannonballer. 1259 01:19:53,863 --> 01:19:56,072 I told you this honeymoon scheme would work. 1260 01:19:56,157 --> 01:19:58,283 Good. Now you wear the wig, sweetheart. 1261 01:19:58,367 --> 01:20:00,326 - It's hot. - Oh, I don't know. 1262 01:20:00,411 --> 01:20:03,246 When I was in Egypt making The Fly Who Bugged Me 1263 01:20:03,330 --> 01:20:06,790 it was at least 180 in the shade, not that there was much shade. 1264 01:20:06,875 --> 01:20:09,084 If CBS woulda had their cameras there 1265 01:20:09,169 --> 01:20:13,047 we'd have made Sports Spectacular. We just zoomed right over that train. 1266 01:20:13,131 --> 01:20:14,423 You want to try it again? 1267 01:20:14,507 --> 01:20:16,091 (Engines roaring) 1268 01:20:35,612 --> 01:20:37,154 All right. 1269 01:20:37,238 --> 01:20:39,031 (All jeer) 1270 01:20:39,115 --> 01:20:42,242 Don't you look precious? All dressed up like that. 1271 01:20:42,327 --> 01:20:45,287 And wearing a wig too. Ha-ha! Ain't he cute? 1272 01:20:45,371 --> 01:20:47,664 Those guys scare me. 1273 01:20:47,749 --> 01:20:50,666 You just stay close to Moore. There won't be any trouble. 1274 01:20:50,751 --> 01:20:51,709 (All laugh) 1275 01:20:51,794 --> 01:20:54,504 He looks like Gregory Peck in that blue flannel suit. 1276 01:20:54,588 --> 01:20:56,089 (All laugh) 1277 01:20:58,175 --> 01:21:01,427 This is my friend Shakey. Allow me to present myself. 1278 01:21:01,512 --> 01:21:04,430 I'm on Wall Street. Maybe we can have lunch sometime. 1279 01:21:04,515 --> 01:21:06,724 We don't ride in Wall Street. 1280 01:21:06,809 --> 01:21:09,227 Nah, we don't ride in Wall Street. 1281 01:21:09,311 --> 01:21:10,978 Why don't we go and help 'em out? 1282 01:21:11,063 --> 01:21:12,271 What do you mean, "we"? 1283 01:21:12,356 --> 01:21:16,359 If we do, then that road opens up and you're long gone. 1284 01:21:16,443 --> 01:21:18,194 Now, why don't you, huh? 1285 01:21:18,278 --> 01:21:20,738 You're the Good Samaritan. 1286 01:21:21,907 --> 01:21:23,366 Besides, I'm wearing these. 1287 01:21:23,450 --> 01:21:25,743 Maybe you would like to complete your ensemble. 1288 01:21:25,828 --> 01:21:28,287 No. There's something else of yours that I want. 1289 01:21:28,372 --> 01:21:29,997 Oh, really? What's that? 1290 01:21:30,082 --> 01:21:31,415 Your ass! 1291 01:21:31,500 --> 01:21:32,792 (All cheer) 1292 01:21:36,003 --> 01:21:38,130 Dun-dun-dah! 1293 01:21:41,092 --> 01:21:43,093 Oh, shit. 1294 01:21:44,095 --> 01:21:46,054 Well, shall we join the fracas? 1295 01:22:04,782 --> 01:22:07,033 Step back, my dear. 1296 01:22:07,118 --> 01:22:09,244 I must warn you, I'm Roger Moore. 1297 01:22:09,328 --> 01:22:10,579 Who? 1298 01:22:10,663 --> 01:22:11,913 Roger Moore. 1299 01:22:11,998 --> 01:22:13,039 (Smashing) 1300 01:22:13,124 --> 01:22:14,541 (Groans) 1301 01:22:15,543 --> 01:22:17,002 We'll run in there. 1302 01:22:17,086 --> 01:22:19,129 Boom-boo-boom, pow! Pow! Pow! 1303 01:22:19,213 --> 01:22:20,921 Knock 'em flat out. 1304 01:22:21,006 --> 01:22:23,924 - Then we go. We could still win it, OK? - We can do that. 1305 01:22:24,009 --> 01:22:26,302 - We can do that. Yeah. - We can do that. 1306 01:22:30,056 --> 01:22:32,641 - You'll be sorry! Let me down! - (Screaming) 1307 01:22:32,726 --> 01:22:35,227 Dun-dun-dah! 1308 01:22:35,937 --> 01:22:37,605 Take that! 1309 01:22:49,242 --> 01:22:51,076 You're so macho. 1310 01:22:51,161 --> 01:22:52,703 Watch this! 1311 01:22:54,998 --> 01:22:56,123 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 1312 01:23:03,089 --> 01:23:04,840 - Need some help, Father? - Nah. 1313 01:23:07,927 --> 01:23:09,469 Wah! Give me somebody! 1314 01:23:09,553 --> 01:23:10,970 Waaargh! 1315 01:23:11,055 --> 01:23:13,097 What, are you crazy, Greek? 1316 01:23:13,182 --> 01:23:16,309 How could you possibly change odds in the middle of things? 1317 01:23:18,312 --> 01:23:21,689 Hold it. You wouldn't last five minutes in the New York subway. 1318 01:23:23,776 --> 01:23:25,276 That's the way it's done. 1319 01:23:35,329 --> 01:23:38,331 - Is that good to drink? - I don't know. I never tried it. 1320 01:23:39,166 --> 01:23:40,333 (Squirting) 1321 01:23:50,468 --> 01:23:52,844 Hold it, hold it. You wanna try this side? 1322 01:23:52,929 --> 01:23:54,304 Yeah. 1323 01:23:57,225 --> 01:23:58,809 Need some help? 1324 01:23:58,893 --> 01:24:01,395 - Get out of here. - Right. 1325 01:24:01,479 --> 01:24:03,814 Dun-dun-dah! 1326 01:24:05,149 --> 01:24:06,525 Fool! 1327 01:24:10,697 --> 01:24:13,865 - Thanks, Shakey. Excuse me. - Get this guy, Shakey! 1328 01:24:17,287 --> 01:24:20,664 - Excuse me, Father, the road's open. - Oh, thanks. 1329 01:24:21,791 --> 01:24:24,293 Fenderbaum, the road's open! 1330 01:24:24,377 --> 01:24:25,502 (Squeals) 1331 01:24:27,755 --> 01:24:29,089 Bye. 1332 01:24:29,173 --> 01:24:30,966 (All clamoring) 1333 01:24:37,264 --> 01:24:38,889 Let's go! Hit it! 1334 01:24:40,309 --> 01:24:42,393 (Speaking foreign language) 1335 01:24:57,993 --> 01:24:59,285 (Biker) Ah-so! 1336 01:25:35,946 --> 01:25:37,989 (JJ) Come on, come on. Faster, faster! 1337 01:25:38,074 --> 01:25:39,366 - I'm trying. - Faster! 1338 01:25:39,450 --> 01:25:42,327 - Drive it like Captain Chaos would. - I'll try. 1339 01:25:42,411 --> 01:25:45,955 - What d'you take off the mask for? - I didn't. He took off the mask. 1340 01:25:57,760 --> 01:25:59,719 - We need him. - I don't know where he is. 1341 01:25:59,804 --> 01:26:02,639 Very interesting fellow. I'd like to probe his case. 1342 01:26:02,723 --> 01:26:06,308 Don't want him around, he's around. When we want him, he's not around. 1343 01:26:06,393 --> 01:26:07,518 I'm gonna get a beer! 1344 01:26:07,602 --> 01:26:09,853 Dun-dun-dah! 1345 01:26:11,731 --> 01:26:14,149 (♪ Rossini: William Tell Overture) 1346 01:26:42,011 --> 01:26:47,808 (Victor) It's only ten blocks to the finish! I feel very confident that we will be triumphant! 1347 01:26:47,892 --> 01:26:49,309 (Car horn blares) 1348 01:26:53,856 --> 01:26:55,523 Ah-ha-ha! 1349 01:26:55,607 --> 01:26:57,608 (♪ Ray Stevens: Cannonball) 1350 01:27:03,866 --> 01:27:05,158 What the hell was that? 1351 01:27:05,242 --> 01:27:08,202 - A Lamborghini. - Is it in the race? 1352 01:27:08,287 --> 01:27:09,287 Catch it! 1353 01:27:13,667 --> 01:27:16,043 - Will you go faster? Come on! - I'm trying! 1354 01:27:17,337 --> 01:27:21,257 I've seen every single one of your movies at least three or four times. 1355 01:27:21,341 --> 01:27:22,550 Four times? 1356 01:27:22,634 --> 01:27:26,387 - I think we got it goin', baby. - Yeah, we're looking good. 1357 01:27:26,472 --> 01:27:28,556 The Greek's gonna pay us money! 1358 01:27:28,640 --> 01:27:30,850 Gosh! Wait till I tell my friends 1359 01:27:30,934 --> 01:27:34,604 I was sitting next to George Hamilton! 1360 01:27:34,688 --> 01:27:36,980 George Hamilton? 1361 01:27:41,652 --> 01:27:43,069 - We got 'em! - We got 'em! 1362 01:27:44,572 --> 01:27:45,864 We're not losin' it! 1363 01:27:48,701 --> 01:27:49,826 Aargh! 1364 01:27:49,911 --> 01:27:51,495 Look out! 1365 01:27:51,579 --> 01:27:52,746 (Tires screech) 1366 01:27:52,830 --> 01:27:54,498 - Waah! - OK, it's a foot race! 1367 01:27:54,582 --> 01:27:56,416 - I've got the card. - No, give me that, Doc. 1368 01:27:56,501 --> 01:27:58,460 (JJ) Come on! It's a foot race! 1369 01:27:58,544 --> 01:28:02,839 Have no fear, Chaos is here! Dun-dun-dah! 1370 01:28:02,924 --> 01:28:04,841 Take it and win, Captain! 1371 01:28:05,384 --> 01:28:07,761 (Pamela) Come on, Chaos, you can do it! 1372 01:28:07,845 --> 01:28:08,929 (All groan) 1373 01:28:09,013 --> 01:28:11,640 (Van Helsing) Anyone need medical attention? 1374 01:28:11,724 --> 01:28:15,477 Ah! Ah! Go! Go, Chaos! 1375 01:28:15,561 --> 01:28:17,771 (Whistling, cheering) 1376 01:28:17,855 --> 01:28:18,939 We're gonna win! 1377 01:28:19,023 --> 01:28:22,025 It's not a very sporting way to win. What do you say, Father? 1378 01:28:22,109 --> 01:28:24,109 No, it's a shitty way to win. 1379 01:28:26,655 --> 01:28:28,239 (Laughing) 1380 01:28:28,323 --> 01:28:29,657 We're gonna win! 1381 01:28:29,741 --> 01:28:33,035 (Woman screams) Help! Help! Somebody save my baby! 1382 01:28:33,119 --> 01:28:34,745 He's drowning! 1383 01:28:34,829 --> 01:28:37,122 No, Chaos! No! 1384 01:28:38,083 --> 01:28:42,002 No problem, fair lady. I will save your baby. Have no fe-e-e-ear! 1385 01:28:42,087 --> 01:28:43,879 - (Splashing) - (Chiming) 1386 01:28:43,964 --> 01:28:45,381 (All laugh) 1387 01:28:49,386 --> 01:28:51,720 Oh, my baby, my baby! 1388 01:28:51,805 --> 01:28:54,515 - Thank you. You're such a brave man. - (Dog whimpers) 1389 01:28:54,599 --> 01:28:58,686 You don't know what this means to me. Oh, my baby, I love you. 1390 01:28:59,813 --> 01:29:03,148 JJ, I saved that woman's dog. 1391 01:29:05,026 --> 01:29:09,529 Victor, we could have won that race. You understand? We could have won it! 1392 01:29:09,613 --> 01:29:13,032 You understand that? You had to go and pull that stupid stunt. 1393 01:29:13,117 --> 01:29:15,159 (Pamela) He's right, Victor. 1394 01:29:15,244 --> 01:29:17,036 We are sick of Captain Chaos. 1395 01:29:17,121 --> 01:29:19,831 We are so sick of Captain Chaos that we could throw up. 1396 01:29:19,915 --> 01:29:23,543 So, you know what, Victor? There's not gonna be any more Captain Chaos. 1397 01:29:23,627 --> 01:29:25,378 - No more! - (Murmurs from crowd) 1398 01:29:25,462 --> 01:29:31,092 You see what I'm telling you? No more! No more Captain Chaos ever! 1399 01:29:31,176 --> 01:29:34,012 - Now, what do you think of that? - (Laughter) 1400 01:29:37,099 --> 01:29:39,726 I don't care... because... 1401 01:29:40,978 --> 01:29:45,356 I've always wanted to be... Captain USA! 1402 01:29:45,441 --> 01:29:47,025 Dun-dun-dah! 1403 01:29:47,109 --> 01:29:48,526 (Laughter) 1404 01:29:50,070 --> 01:29:53,280 It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it. 1405 01:29:53,364 --> 01:29:55,157 (JJ howls with laughter) 1406 01:29:57,076 --> 01:29:58,827 (Cheering, applause) 1407 01:30:05,960 --> 01:30:08,629 - Who won the race? - (Man) What do you get for last? 1408 01:30:10,632 --> 01:30:11,840 (Laughter) 1409 01:30:11,924 --> 01:30:14,134 Well... Well... 1410 01:30:14,218 --> 01:30:18,263 How do you all feel, now that you have raped the American highways? 1411 01:30:18,348 --> 01:30:19,931 - Beautiful. Wonderful. - Great. 1412 01:30:20,016 --> 01:30:24,895 Old chap, I suggest you get a grip on yourself or better, on one of these. 1413 01:30:24,979 --> 01:30:26,313 I'll take anything. 1414 01:30:26,397 --> 01:30:29,941 And feel free to use the lighter in my car, Mr... 1415 01:30:30,026 --> 01:30:31,360 (All) Foyt. 1416 01:30:31,444 --> 01:30:33,528 (Stuttering man) F-F-F-Foyt. 1417 01:30:33,613 --> 01:30:36,406 - Wait till he touches that lighter. - (Victor laughs wheezily) 1418 01:30:36,491 --> 01:30:37,658 (Laughter) 1419 01:30:39,242 --> 01:30:41,869 - (Ship's bell chimes) - (Seagulls cry) 1420 01:30:42,913 --> 01:30:45,122 Ain't nothin' happening. 1421 01:30:46,750 --> 01:30:49,001 That's funny. Excuse me. 1422 01:30:53,548 --> 01:30:56,592 Mr. Foyt, how did you light that? 1423 01:30:57,511 --> 01:31:00,513 - Well, with the lighter, of course. - (Gasps) 1424 01:31:01,848 --> 01:31:03,140 That's odd. 1425 01:31:04,726 --> 01:31:06,769 - (Explosion) - (Seymour) Oy vey! 1426 01:31:07,979 --> 01:31:09,397 (♪ Slide whistle) 1427 01:31:12,442 --> 01:31:13,442 (Corks pop) 1428 01:31:13,527 --> 01:31:16,862 (Seymour) If I'm not filming next year, we'll do this again. 1429 01:31:16,947 --> 01:31:20,908 (♪ California Children's Chorus: You've Gotta Have a Dream) 1430 01:31:20,992 --> 01:31:23,702 (Victor) Oh, JJ, didn't we do good? 1431 01:31:23,786 --> 01:31:25,954 Wah! Wah-ha-ha-ha! 1432 01:31:54,734 --> 01:31:55,984 (Laughs) 1433 01:31:57,403 --> 01:31:59,070 - Stop it. - (Man) Ready? 1434 01:32:00,906 --> 01:32:02,323 (Laughs) 1435 01:32:02,408 --> 01:32:05,994 - Will you stop it? - OK. OK. 1436 01:32:06,078 --> 01:32:07,454 (Laughs) 1437 01:32:07,538 --> 01:32:09,204 What's wrong with you? 1438 01:32:09,289 --> 01:32:10,956 Wait a minute. I got something. 1439 01:32:11,040 --> 01:32:13,375 - No, this will help you. - No, don't hit me. 1440 01:32:13,460 --> 01:32:17,755 - No. I'm not gonna hit you. Listen to me. - (Laughs uncontrollably) 1441 01:32:17,839 --> 01:32:19,923 I swear to God. I'm not gonna hit you. 1442 01:32:20,008 --> 01:32:21,550 - Watch. Watch. - (Whimpers) 1443 01:32:21,634 --> 01:32:23,260 Ah! (Chuckles) 1444 01:32:23,344 --> 01:32:28,182 - OK. - OK. I'm ready now. Here we go. 1445 01:32:30,351 --> 01:32:31,977 (Laughs uncontrollably) 1446 01:32:34,814 --> 01:32:36,607 Look at that shit. 1447 01:32:36,691 --> 01:32:38,776 (Laughs) 1448 01:32:38,860 --> 01:32:40,903 I'm ready. I swear to God, I'm ready! 1449 01:32:41,488 --> 01:32:43,489 We're off. (Laughs) 1450 01:32:48,161 --> 01:32:53,707 Where's he gonna sit? 1451 01:32:55,501 --> 01:32:58,211 I warned you not to interfere in my affairs. 1452 01:32:58,295 --> 01:33:01,506 Steven, put away... Seymour. Excuse me. 1453 01:33:01,590 --> 01:33:04,133 That's all right. I'll answer to anything. 1454 01:33:04,218 --> 01:33:07,637 You see, even in the deepest family relations... 1455 01:33:09,056 --> 01:33:12,809 - (Man whispers) - My business is not worth a... (Bleep) 1456 01:33:13,811 --> 01:33:15,228 - (Smashing) - Thank you, Victor. 1457 01:33:15,312 --> 01:33:16,813 (Man) Mark. 1458 01:33:16,897 --> 01:33:19,065 As you probably know, we're... 1459 01:33:19,149 --> 01:33:20,608 We're the favorites to... 1460 01:33:20,692 --> 01:33:24,278 be the winning racers tomorrow in the Cannonball race, 1461 01:33:24,363 --> 01:33:26,030 which is gonna be poured... 1462 01:33:26,114 --> 01:33:27,240 (Laughter) 1463 01:33:28,158 --> 01:33:30,618 - Good evening, ladies. - Evening. 1464 01:33:30,702 --> 01:33:33,162 My name is JJ McClure. And this is my... 1465 01:33:33,247 --> 01:33:34,664 (Laughter) 1466 01:33:36,291 --> 01:33:40,669 - Next year we're going for the nu-nu-nu... - Yes? Ooh! (Laughs) 1467 01:33:43,047 --> 01:33:44,881 (Puffs) 1468 01:33:46,592 --> 01:33:48,760 - Perfect. Perfect. - (Laughs) 1469 01:33:49,804 --> 01:33:51,263 Hey! 1470 01:33:51,347 --> 01:33:52,806 - Better than... - (Man) Cut! 1471 01:33:52,890 --> 01:33:55,392 We have to get this woman, 1472 01:33:55,476 --> 01:33:56,935 the senator's wife, 1473 01:33:57,019 --> 01:33:58,812 to Philadelphia by... 1474 01:33:58,896 --> 01:34:00,856 Make that California, will you? 1475 01:34:00,940 --> 01:34:02,315 (Laughter) 1476 01:34:02,942 --> 01:34:05,026 We're very close. (Snorts) 1477 01:34:05,111 --> 01:34:06,403 (Laughter) 1478 01:34:10,074 --> 01:34:11,700 Don't hit me. 1479 01:34:13,369 --> 01:34:15,537 Because if I had enough time... 1480 01:34:15,621 --> 01:34:19,624 I would take those rosary bleeds and stuff 'em up your nose. 1481 01:34:19,709 --> 01:34:22,210 - These bleeds? - Those bleeds, yeah. 1482 01:34:22,295 --> 01:34:24,212 You're gonna take these... (Bleep) And shove 'em up... 1483 01:34:24,297 --> 01:34:26,714 I'll take these bleeds here... 1484 01:34:26,798 --> 01:34:27,756 (Man) Mark. 1485 01:34:27,841 --> 01:34:29,800 I don't care... 1486 01:34:29,885 --> 01:34:31,886 (Laughs uncontrollably) 1487 01:34:33,597 --> 01:34:35,931 - I don't care... - Stop laughing! 1488 01:34:36,933 --> 01:34:38,475 I don't care, because... 1489 01:34:40,020 --> 01:34:41,604 You're gonna get a slap. 1490 01:34:41,688 --> 01:34:45,316 I always wanted to be Captain America! 1491 01:34:45,400 --> 01:34:46,817 (Laughter) 1492 01:34:49,362 --> 01:34:50,905 It's a living. 1493 01:34:52,449 --> 01:34:54,658 - Oh, I'm so sorry. - (Laughter) 1494 01:34:54,743 --> 01:34:59,038 He laughed... He laughed... He laughed first. 1495 01:34:59,122 --> 01:35:01,123 Mr. Martin laughed first. 1496 01:35:04,210 --> 01:35:06,170 Why were you laughing? 1497 01:35:06,254 --> 01:35:08,714 He laughed and you hit me! 1498 01:35:09,466 --> 01:35:11,007 Cut it. 1499 01:35:11,550 --> 01:35:12,884 (Giggling)