1
00:00:11,385 --> 00:00:15,180
Tower two.

2
00:00:15,389 --> 00:00:16,389
Stand by.

3
00:00:22,521 --> 00:00:23,772
That's affirmative.

4
00:00:23,981 --> 00:00:25,607
Congratulations, Nabi.

5
00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:29,028
We are at the doorstep of our martyrdom.

6
00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:31,822
- Praise Allah.
- Praise him!

7
00:00:32,740 --> 00:00:36,452
Soon we will be greeted by
Allah, the one true god,

8
00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:39,080
and by the cheers of our forefathers

9
00:00:39,288 --> 00:00:43,000
and by 99 perfect virgins
who will worship us

10
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:44,335
for all eternity!

11
00:00:45,461 --> 00:00:48,130
- I thought it was 100.
- What's that?

12
00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:50,549
100 virgins, they promised me 100.

13
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,927
99, 100, what's the difference?

14
00:00:53,135 --> 00:00:54,010
If they're telling you one thing

15
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,137
and they're telling me another,

16
00:00:55,346 --> 00:00:56,555
maybe they don't know for sure.

17
00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:57,806
Maybe.

18
00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:01,602
Maybe the exact number of
virgins is not precise.

19
00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:03,729
I mean, if it's in the
90s, I can live with that.

20
00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:04,938
Or 75.

21
00:01:05,898 --> 00:01:09,651
Hey, I'm not greedy,
but what if it's 10?

22
00:01:09,860 --> 00:01:10,610
Well.

23
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:14,365
What if it's 10, but we
have to split them between us?

24
00:01:14,573 --> 00:01:15,198
Then you'll have five more virgins

25
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,159
than you have right now, right?

26
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:18,994
We're talking about eternity here!

27
00:01:19,203 --> 00:01:21,872
How long will five virgins
last you? Maybe a month?

28
00:01:22,039 --> 00:01:24,416
They're not going to be
virgins for long, right?

29
00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:27,378
Look, would it make you feel better

30
00:01:27,586 --> 00:01:28,837
if we called the big guy?

31
00:01:30,047 --> 00:01:31,131
- Yes.
- Take the stick.

32
00:01:31,340 --> 00:01:32,424
Okay.

33
00:01:40,474 --> 00:01:41,808
It's ringing.

34
00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:43,561
Osama, yes, it's Asif.

35
00:01:43,769 --> 00:01:45,145
No, we're on it.

36
00:01:45,354 --> 00:01:48,356
It was fine, but security
takes forever, you know?

37
00:01:48,607 --> 00:01:49,316
What are you going to do?

38
00:01:49,525 --> 00:01:51,360
Anyway, look, Anabi has a question.

39
00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:52,945
- Will you talk to him?
- No!

40
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:56,615
You talk to him!

41
00:01:59,034 --> 00:02:01,161
Hello! Yes.

42
00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:04,665
Uh, it's about the virgins.

43
00:02:06,917 --> 00:02:10,170
Really? It was 100 when I signed up.

44
00:02:10,379 --> 00:02:12,881
Await further instructions, 117.

45
00:02:13,090 --> 00:02:14,716
He said it's not that many anymore.

46
00:02:14,925 --> 00:02:16,801
Too many martyrs, not
enough virgins to go around.

47
00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:17,803
You've got to be kidding me.

48
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:18,762
Does he know where we are here?

49
00:02:18,971 --> 00:02:19,971
Give me the phone.

50
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:21,181
Take the stick.

51
00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:24,185
Osama, it's Asif.

52
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:28,272
Right now, can you tell
me the number, absolutely,

53
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,399
that you can guarantee Nabi and myself,

54
00:02:30,649 --> 00:02:32,859
as far as virgins are concerned?

55
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:37,615
No, that's fine.

56
00:02:37,823 --> 00:02:40,909
Do it! Come on, man!

57
00:02:41,118 --> 00:02:43,537
He can't guarantee more than 20.

58
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:44,746
Open the goddamn door,

59
00:02:44,955 --> 00:02:46,498
- you bastards!
- Open it!

60
00:02:46,707 --> 00:02:47,332
We're
gonna fucking kill you,

61
00:02:47,541 --> 00:02:48,124
you motherfucker!

62
00:02:48,375 --> 00:02:50,126
- Lying pieces of shit!
- Open the door!

63
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:51,670
Open this, fucker!

64
00:02:51,879 --> 00:02:52,921
Screw this, right?

65
00:02:53,130 --> 00:02:54,047
I'm glad you said it first.

66
00:02:54,256 --> 00:02:56,341
Okay, get on the
intercom to the passengers.

67
00:02:56,550 --> 00:02:58,635
We are changing course for the Bahamas.

68
00:02:58,844 --> 00:02:59,844
Bahamas!

69
00:03:04,141 --> 00:03:05,100
We're going to the Bahamas!

70
00:03:05,309 --> 00:03:06,852
- We're going to the Bahamas!
- Shut up!

71
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:47,976
Again expanded
the definition of marriage.

72
00:03:48,185 --> 00:03:49,394
This time to include any union

73
00:03:49,603 --> 00:03:52,355
between a man and a
woman, a man and a man,

74
00:03:52,564 --> 00:03:54,774
a woman and a woman, a man and a collie,

75
00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:57,444
or a woman, a Polish
sausage, and a long weekend.

76
00:03:57,653 --> 00:03:59,863
- The standoff with Mr.
- Cruise has now stretched

77
00:04:00,072 --> 00:04:01,448
into its eighth day.

78
00:04:01,657 --> 00:04:03,033
Cruise continues to insist

79
00:04:03,242 --> 00:04:04,910
that police are violating his parental

80
00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:08,997
and religious freedoms, citing
human sacrifice as essential

81
00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:10,957
Today on "Good Morning Paradise,”

82
00:04:11,166 --> 00:04:12,834
mayoral candidate Eugene Welles joins us

83
00:04:13,043 --> 00:04:15,003
to talk about the new political landscape,

84
00:04:15,212 --> 00:04:19,341
and the newest toy craze
of the year, Krotchy dolls.

85
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:21,260
Stay tuned. It's gonna
be a super-dupe show.

86
00:04:21,468 --> 00:04:23,011
Turn down that fucking TV!

87
00:04:23,220 --> 00:04:24,804
I can't hear my show.

88
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:28,517
Yeah, nothing's good on anyway.

89
00:04:28,726 --> 00:04:31,186
Just, uh, preparing for my interview.

90
00:04:31,395 --> 00:04:34,981
Fight! Aw, you fight like a pussy.

91
00:04:35,190 --> 00:04:37,191
No one's gonna hire your sorry ass.

92
00:04:37,401 --> 00:04:40,320
Why don't you go suck up
to your Uncle Dave already?

93
00:04:44,199 --> 00:04:45,116
God damn it!

94
00:04:45,325 --> 00:04:47,702
What the hell is going on out there?

95
00:04:50,164 --> 00:04:51,456
Nothing.

96
00:04:51,665 --> 00:04:53,917
Make sure you
pick up that welfare check!

97
00:04:54,126 --> 00:04:56,795
Kiss, kiss, sweetie pie.

98
00:04:57,004 --> 00:04:58,171
Fat, son of a.

99
00:04:59,256 --> 00:05:02,467
Come on! Come on!

100
00:05:02,676 --> 00:05:04,344
No. Bad boy.

101
00:05:04,553 --> 00:05:06,179
Bad boy. I told you,
no poopies in our yard.

102
00:05:06,388 --> 00:05:07,847
No poopies in this yard.

103
00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:10,434
You only poop in the
next-door neighbor's yard.

104
00:05:13,812 --> 00:05:16,105
Feces in the yard.

105
00:05:17,149 --> 00:05:20,944
That's a violation of trailer-park
ordinance number 101-40.

106
00:05:21,153 --> 00:05:22,195
Stop eating the poop.

107
00:05:22,404 --> 00:05:23,905
I'll add that to the list.

108
00:05:24,114 --> 00:05:24,948
The, the list? The list.

109
00:05:25,157 --> 00:05:25,782
Great. The list.

110
00:05:25,991 --> 00:05:27,784
What else? What else you got on the list?

111
00:05:27,993 --> 00:05:30,620
Ordinance number 143-11.

112
00:05:31,455 --> 00:05:33,290
Yesterday around lunchtime.

113
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,876
Now, I don't care what you
two do in your own bedroom,

114
00:05:36,084 --> 00:05:38,461
but ordinance number 143-11 says

115
00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:41,422
if I hear your lewd
lovemaking after 10:00 AM,

116
00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:43,633
I get to file a grievance
against your sorry ass,

117
00:05:43,842 --> 00:05:45,343
which is exactly what I'm gonna do!

118
00:05:45,552 --> 00:05:46,886
Oh. Oh.

119
00:05:47,095 --> 00:05:47,762
Oh, okay.

120
00:05:47,971 --> 00:05:50,807
Well, at least I wasn't boning
my sister, you inbred hick.

121
00:05:51,016 --> 00:05:53,810
Oh, for your information, hillbilly,

122
00:05:54,019 --> 00:05:56,062
I wasn't even here yesterday afternoon.

123
00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:05,530
- I hate this town.
- Matt!

124
00:06:06,907 --> 00:06:08,575
- Whatever!
- This fucking sucks.

125
00:06:08,784 --> 00:06:09,910
And NASA,

126
00:06:10,118 --> 00:06:13,162
the National Aeronautics
and Space Administration,

127
00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:15,415
does not exist.

128
00:06:15,624 --> 00:06:17,709
All the space missions
that we've heard about

129
00:06:17,918 --> 00:06:20,086
since we were little kids in school,

130
00:06:20,295 --> 00:06:21,963
creations of Hollywood.

131
00:06:22,172 --> 00:06:23,923
We did not land on the moon.

132
00:06:24,132 --> 00:06:26,425
There is no John Glenn.

133
00:06:26,635 --> 00:06:28,678
Well, there's a John Glen who's a senator.

134
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:31,556
Hey, hello? You, professor.

135
00:06:31,765 --> 00:06:32,765
What is this, a reading library?

136
00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:34,685
Yeah, yeah. Two minutes, buddy.

137
00:06:34,893 --> 00:06:35,810
Ah, no two minutes now.

138
00:06:36,019 --> 00:06:38,187
- You buy now, or bye-bye.
- Bye-dee num, num.

139
00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:39,815
Ah, go on, bye-bye.

140
00:06:40,023 --> 00:06:41,274
- Go on.
- Bye-bye, you bye-bye.

141
00:06:41,483 --> 00:06:42,358
Goodbye. Goodbye.

142
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:43,193
- Don't let the door-
- Hey.

143
00:06:43,402 --> 00:06:44,361
Hit you on the way out.

144
00:06:44,611 --> 00:06:46,279
Daddy, Mohammed says

145
00:06:46,488 --> 00:06:48,072
he needs to talk to you again.

146
00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:49,533
What about?

147
00:06:49,741 --> 00:06:50,575
What else?

148
00:06:50,784 --> 00:06:52,994
Okay, so, what did she
say about me exactly?

149
00:06:54,663 --> 00:06:55,789
That slut.

150
00:07:06,508 --> 00:07:07,926
My brother.

151
00:07:08,135 --> 00:07:10,554
Any police come around
today? Anything suspicious?

152
00:07:10,762 --> 00:07:11,929
No, nothing, Mohammed.

153
00:07:12,180 --> 00:07:14,932
Trust me, you are safely hidden here

154
00:07:15,142 --> 00:07:16,810
for as long as you want.

155
00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:19,062
Well, that may not be for much longer.

156
00:07:19,271 --> 00:07:19,896
Oh?

157
00:07:20,105 --> 00:07:21,731
We have news from Afghanistan.

158
00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:23,983
News? Oh.

159
00:07:24,192 --> 00:07:26,402
It is all coming together.

160
00:07:26,653 --> 00:07:29,822
The shipment left three days ago.

161
00:07:30,032 --> 00:07:31,575
Oh, praise Allah.

162
00:07:33,076 --> 00:07:36,162
- When will be it here?
- Tomorrow!

163
00:07:36,371 --> 00:07:40,871
The time has come for
us to place our swords

164
00:07:41,668 --> 00:07:45,004
to the genitals of the infidels.

165
00:07:46,173 --> 00:07:49,092
Whoo-hoo.

166
00:08:12,407 --> 00:08:15,034
I see you noticed the
heads. Motivational.

167
00:08:16,119 --> 00:08:17,119
Those are every fucking bastard

168
00:08:17,329 --> 00:08:19,372
that I had to climb over to get this job.

169
00:08:20,832 --> 00:08:21,874
Jesus.

170
00:08:24,961 --> 00:08:26,253
Foul. They're papier-mache.

171
00:08:26,463 --> 00:08:28,256
They're, he thought they were real.

172
00:08:28,465 --> 00:08:29,757
Sit down.

173
00:08:32,385 --> 00:08:33,385
Let's get started.

174
00:08:34,638 --> 00:08:37,599
So, I hope you don't mi

175
00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:39,267
I hope you don't mind the recording.

176
00:08:39,476 --> 00:08:42,604
Uh, we're gonna use it as training later.

177
00:08:43,772 --> 00:08:44,397
All right?

178
00:08:44,606 --> 00:08:45,565
Yeah, yeah.

179
00:08:45,774 --> 00:08:46,858
That's good.

180
00:08:47,067 --> 00:08:48,735
What the fuck is wrong with you?

181
00:08:49,736 --> 00:08:51,279
It's, uh. The chair is actually.

182
00:08:51,488 --> 00:08:52,238
All right, well, we're on a time clock,

183
00:08:52,447 --> 00:08:54,574
so let's get started, shall we?

184
00:08:54,783 --> 00:08:56,284
- Yes, sir.
- Good.

185
00:08:57,577 --> 00:09:01,872
Well. Um, so, I'm here for the job, sir.

186
00:09:02,082 --> 00:09:04,459
Right. You're a factory worker.

187
00:09:04,668 --> 00:09:06,503
I was, I was a factory worker,

188
00:09:06,711 --> 00:09:08,212
but the factory got closed down,

189
00:09:08,421 --> 00:09:10,714
so I got laid off, and

190
00:09:10,924 --> 00:09:12,592
I've interviewed 15
other people for this job.

191
00:09:12,801 --> 00:09:13,968
What makes you think
you're better than them?

192
00:09:14,177 --> 00:09:16,345
Well, I don't know if
I am better than them.

193
00:09:16,555 --> 00:09:17,514
Well, goddamn it, pal.

194
00:09:17,764 --> 00:09:19,807
If you want this job, you
better reach out and grab it.

195
00:09:20,016 --> 00:09:22,351
You better put those
fucking heads on the wall.

196
00:09:24,229 --> 00:09:26,230
You know what, fuck it.
Let's go to the questions.

197
00:09:26,439 --> 00:09:28,649
What is your greatest strength?

198
00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:32,862
Um, I'm a really good team player.

199
00:09:33,071 --> 00:09:33,946
Wrong.

200
00:09:36,449 --> 00:09:38,200
What is your biggest weakness?

201
00:09:38,410 --> 00:09:41,454
Um, I'd say I work too hard.

202
00:09:41,663 --> 00:09:42,663
Wrong.

203
00:09:43,707 --> 00:09:46,042
How would you move a
mountain using only a spoon?

204
00:09:46,251 --> 00:09:47,794
- A spoon?
- If you were in a box,

205
00:09:48,003 --> 00:09:49,129
how would you think outside it?

206
00:09:49,337 --> 00:09:50,254
Uh, it's.

207
00:09:50,463 --> 00:09:52,089
- Well, if you're in a-
- Wrong.

208
00:09:53,883 --> 00:09:55,342
Last question.

209
00:09:55,552 --> 00:09:57,470
What is the difference between a duck?

210
00:10:04,311 --> 00:10:05,311
And?

211
00:10:14,070 --> 00:10:15,905
What the hell is wrong with you people?

212
00:10:16,114 --> 00:10:18,241
A- a duck? I don't.

213
00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:20,910
Yeah, I came here for a job, a job!

214
00:10:21,119 --> 00:10:22,829
As far as I know, that
job has nothing to do

215
00:10:23,038 --> 00:10:25,039
with a cock sucking, motherfucking duck!

216
00:10:29,711 --> 00:10:30,837
Congratulations, pal.

217
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:33,464
You're our leading candidate.

218
00:10:33,673 --> 00:10:34,673
How's it feel?

219
00:10:38,303 --> 00:10:40,096
- It feels good.
- No, no, no, no, no.

220
00:10:40,305 --> 00:10:42,056
How, how's it feel?

221
00:10:42,265 --> 00:10:43,724
How does it feel?

222
00:10:43,933 --> 00:10:44,600
I mean, how's it feel

223
00:10:44,809 --> 00:10:47,019
to put fucking 15 heads on that wall?

224
00:10:47,228 --> 00:10:47,853
I'll tell you how it feels.

225
00:10:48,063 --> 00:10:49,689
It feels fucking great, doesn't it?

226
00:10:49,898 --> 00:10:51,441
Fucking great, like.

227
00:10:54,069 --> 00:10:55,945
So, I got it? I got the job?

228
00:10:56,154 --> 00:10:57,154
Oh, hell, no. No, no, no.

229
00:10:57,364 --> 00:10:59,199
This was just a like a
getting-to-know-you interview.

230
00:10:59,407 --> 00:11:01,158
Oh, yeah, no, no, we have,
we have a couple of more

231
00:11:01,368 --> 00:11:02,702
- 120.
- Yeah, we have some,

232
00:11:02,911 --> 00:11:04,954
uh, more, more candidates to, uh, talk to.

233
00:11:05,163 --> 00:11:08,124
But hell of a start, though. Absolutely.

234
00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:11,210
Last thing before you go.

235
00:11:11,419 --> 00:11:13,337
I'd like you to sing
the company fight song.

236
00:11:46,496 --> 00:11:48,122
We'll get back to you.

237
00:11:54,879 --> 00:11:55,963
I hate this town.

238
00:12:16,192 --> 00:12:19,028
Brothers and sisters.

239
00:12:19,237 --> 00:12:21,697
I am proud to introduce to you

240
00:12:23,199 --> 00:12:24,199
the one!

241
00:12:26,661 --> 00:12:30,081
Hold up your energies for Uncle Dave!

242
00:12:35,545 --> 00:12:38,005
Good group, good group.

243
00:12:39,048 --> 00:12:43,548
Welcome to the Denomination
of Organic Monotheism.

244
00:12:43,845 --> 00:12:46,681
I congratulate you all
on taking the first step

245
00:12:46,890 --> 00:12:50,143
to freedom by completing
your training program.

246
00:12:51,644 --> 00:12:53,979
Obviously, you've come
to the correct conclusion

247
00:12:54,188 --> 00:12:57,691
that the American dream
is not a dream for you.

248
00:12:57,901 --> 00:13:02,401
- That's right!
- In fact, it is a nightmare!

249
00:13:07,869 --> 00:13:10,496
A nightmare that soon will be engulfed

250
00:13:10,705 --> 00:13:14,125
in the all-encompassing
flames of God's damnation!

251
00:13:15,251 --> 00:13:16,251
Yeah!

252
00:13:19,672 --> 00:13:21,715
Pious people in the house, say, oh!

253
00:13:21,924 --> 00:13:22,924
Oh!

254
00:13:24,093 --> 00:13:27,679
- Who loves God?
- We do!

255
00:13:29,599 --> 00:13:30,808
David?

256
00:13:33,645 --> 00:13:35,438
Oh, yeah, initiation.

257
00:13:35,647 --> 00:13:37,190
I love this part.

258
00:13:37,398 --> 00:13:39,274
No, no, Richie, no, no, this is,

259
00:13:39,484 --> 00:13:42,028
this is just, this is
just inner-sanctum stuff,

260
00:13:42,236 --> 00:13:43,528
strictly ritualistic.

261
00:13:43,738 --> 00:13:45,823
Uh, Uncle Dave, uh, sorry to bother you,

262
00:13:46,032 --> 00:13:50,202
but we, we've got some
rather important business.

263
00:13:50,411 --> 00:13:52,079
The girls.

264
00:13:52,330 --> 00:13:53,998
They need to go.

265
00:13:54,207 --> 00:13:55,541
Okay.

266
00:13:55,750 --> 00:13:58,169
Children, it appears
that Brother Richard here

267
00:13:58,378 --> 00:14:02,465
has to, uh, commingle our, our energies.

268
00:14:02,673 --> 00:14:03,382
- Sweetie.
- Let's go!

269
00:14:03,591 --> 00:14:05,342
- Come one, ladies, move.
- Sweetie.

270
00:14:05,551 --> 00:14:07,803
- Move.
- Uh! There we go.

271
00:14:08,012 --> 00:14:08,887
But I want more communion.

272
00:14:09,097 --> 00:14:10,348
Oh, we'll do communion,

273
00:14:10,556 --> 00:14:12,474
I promise, it's my
favorite meal of the day.

274
00:14:12,683 --> 00:14:13,850
- Don't worry about it.
- That's nice.

275
00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:15,603
- Now go.
- I love that.

276
00:14:15,812 --> 00:14:16,938
Oh, hello.

277
00:14:17,146 --> 00:14:18,564
Oh, God bless it.

278
00:14:20,149 --> 00:14:22,568
Ah, Richie, what the fuck
is it? What's the problem?

279
00:14:22,777 --> 00:14:26,739
We're having something
of a cash-flow problem.

280
00:14:27,698 --> 00:14:28,657
What the fuck you talking about, Richie?

281
00:14:28,866 --> 00:14:31,118
Did you see all those
recruits out there today?

282
00:14:31,369 --> 00:14:31,994
It's true.

283
00:14:32,203 --> 00:14:34,330
Membership and donations
are at an all-time high,

284
00:14:34,539 --> 00:14:37,124
and we got more tail running
around here than the,

285
00:14:37,333 --> 00:14:39,501
than the Playboy Mansion, but it's.

286
00:14:42,171 --> 00:14:45,090
Yeah? So, then what's the problem, Rich?

287
00:14:45,299 --> 00:14:48,093
Well, it's the IRS.

288
00:14:48,302 --> 00:14:49,720
Yeah? Well, what do they want?

289
00:14:49,929 --> 00:14:53,265
Uh, it seems we haven't
paid our taxes in three years.

290
00:14:54,183 --> 00:14:55,183
So what, man?

291
00:14:55,893 --> 00:14:56,977
I tried to explain, of course,

292
00:14:57,186 --> 00:14:59,062
that with our continued expectation
of the end of the world,

293
00:14:59,272 --> 00:15:01,148
it's difficult to justify contributing

294
00:15:01,357 --> 00:15:03,442
to long-term programs like Medicare

295
00:15:03,651 --> 00:15:05,611
or Social Security, but, um.

296
00:15:08,656 --> 00:15:12,743
Apparently even a selective
tax payment is not an option.

297
00:15:12,952 --> 00:15:14,953
Oh, come on, Richie, you know
I don't like to micromanage.

298
00:15:15,163 --> 00:15:16,831
What the fuck do we do
about this, all right?

299
00:15:17,039 --> 00:15:18,540
- Well.
- Huh?

300
00:15:18,749 --> 00:15:20,041
What's your plan?

301
00:15:20,251 --> 00:15:24,751
We pay
them or, uh.

302
00:15:28,301 --> 00:15:30,720
We pay them, or everything is all over.

303
00:15:30,928 --> 00:15:33,263
The weenie whacking, the pantless parties,

304
00:15:33,472 --> 00:15:34,514
the tacos, everything.

305
00:15:34,724 --> 00:15:38,185
And you, you go to jail.

306
00:15:39,770 --> 00:15:41,396
- So, how much do we owe?
- Hmm.

307
00:15:44,859 --> 00:15:48,988
$1.3 million

308
00:15:49,196 --> 00:15:52,032
and 79 cents.

309
00:15:53,451 --> 00:15:54,660
Oh, fuck, Rich.

310
00:15:54,869 --> 00:15:57,788
Oh, d-d-don't despair, Uncle Dave.

311
00:15:57,997 --> 00:16:00,791
When the government slams the doors shut,

312
00:16:02,335 --> 00:16:06,047
G-0-D always opens a window.

313
00:16:07,131 --> 00:16:11,631
Wow, that's a beautifully
retarded sentiment, Richie.

314
00:16:13,512 --> 00:16:15,513
Now, if you don't mind,
I'd like to be alone.

315
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,895
Well, if you need
me, I'm in the other room.

316
00:16:23,814 --> 00:16:25,899
It seems pretty unlikely, Rich.

317
00:16:26,943 --> 00:16:28,194
Unfortunately, the
supply of Krotchy dolls

318
00:16:28,402 --> 00:16:30,278
can't meet the demand, and
parents and children alike

319
00:16:30,488 --> 00:16:32,907
have been lining up for weeks
to get their hands on them.

320
00:16:34,241 --> 00:16:35,909
We'll be back in two
minutes. See you then.

321
00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:44,126
Hey, yo, pal!

322
00:16:44,335 --> 00:16:46,128
Come here. Help me out with a few bucks.

323
00:16:47,171 --> 00:16:48,338
Yeah, I, I don't have any money.

324
00:16:48,547 --> 00:16:50,048
Come on, come on, I'm serious.

325
00:16:50,257 --> 00:16:50,882
Come over here.

326
00:16:51,092 --> 00:16:53,677
I need a few bucks to get
a bus to go see my kids.

327
00:16:53,886 --> 00:16:55,846
I, yo, I don't have. Sorry,
I don't have any money.

328
00:16:56,055 --> 00:16:57,598
Hey, come here. Come here.

329
00:16:57,807 --> 00:16:59,141
I wanna talk. Come here!

330
00:17:00,309 --> 00:17:01,518
Get the fuck outta here.

331
00:17:01,727 --> 00:17:03,228
I'm sick and tired of
people like you, you know?

332
00:17:03,437 --> 00:17:06,189
You got a good job. You got a big car.

333
00:17:06,399 --> 00:17:07,817
You got everything and I got nothing.

334
00:17:08,025 --> 00:17:10,861
Well, fuck you, and fuck
everybody who even looks like you!

335
00:17:11,070 --> 00:17:12,863
Get the fuck outta here!

336
00:17:15,324 --> 00:17:17,117
I'll fucking knock you out, pal.

337
00:17:22,206 --> 00:17:23,206
It's green!

338
00:17:23,916 --> 00:17:26,251
Look, you can make the light!

339
00:17:26,460 --> 00:17:28,545
Hey! Come on!

340
00:17:31,173 --> 00:17:35,176
You can make the light! Come on, bitch!

341
00:17:35,386 --> 00:17:36,011
Goddamn.

342
00:17:36,220 --> 00:17:37,220
She could have made the fucking light.

343
00:17:37,430 --> 00:17:39,431
Maybe she forget her glass.

344
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,475
- You say glass?
- Yes.

345
00:17:41,684 --> 00:17:43,977
You say glass, you
Frankfurt-eating motherfucker?

346
00:17:44,186 --> 00:17:46,062
I bought all these goddamn
English CD's for you

347
00:17:46,272 --> 00:17:47,106
to say fucking glass?

348
00:17:47,314 --> 00:17:48,481
It's glasses.

349
00:17:48,691 --> 00:17:49,942
You fucking foreigners come over here

350
00:17:50,151 --> 00:17:51,902
you fuck up the language, and this bitch

351
00:17:52,111 --> 00:17:53,237
is fucking up the traffic!

352
00:17:53,446 --> 00:17:55,114
- Calm down, Greg.
- You fucking calm down!

353
00:17:55,322 --> 00:17:56,781
This flat-ass bitch comes over here,

354
00:17:56,991 --> 00:17:58,117
she takes over the convenience stores,

355
00:17:58,325 --> 00:18:00,577
and they eat up all our goddamn dogs!

356
00:18:00,828 --> 00:18:02,162
Go and help her. Come on.

357
00:18:03,873 --> 00:18:07,209
- What's the hold up?
- You're right.

358
00:18:07,418 --> 00:18:09,044
I'm trippin'.

359
00:18:09,295 --> 00:18:09,920
I'm just gonna get out the car

360
00:18:10,129 --> 00:18:11,547
and make sure she's doing okay, yes?

361
00:18:12,590 --> 00:18:14,717
She's a old lady.

362
00:18:14,925 --> 00:18:15,925
I feel bad now.

363
00:18:21,682 --> 00:18:22,933
- Hi.
- Hi.

364
00:18:23,142 --> 00:18:23,976
The light is green.

365
00:18:25,019 --> 00:18:26,145
The light is green.

366
00:18:26,353 --> 00:18:28,605
You could have went through the light.

367
00:18:28,814 --> 00:18:29,773
The light turned gr.

368
00:18:29,982 --> 00:18:30,607
What you say?

369
00:18:32,151 --> 00:18:33,277
What'd you say, bitch?

370
00:18:34,653 --> 00:18:36,363
Why don't you stir-fry that?

371
00:18:40,618 --> 00:18:41,285
Holy fuck!

372
00:18:46,916 --> 00:18:49,251
Man, what happened over there?

373
00:18:50,669 --> 00:18:51,628
I think she called me nigger.

374
00:19:01,180 --> 00:19:02,097
Whoo-hoo!

375
00:19:02,348 --> 00:19:03,932
Whoa-ho-ho! Did you see that?

376
00:19:04,141 --> 00:19:05,600
Yeah.

377
00:19:05,809 --> 00:19:07,560
One date with me, she'll look

378
00:19:07,770 --> 00:19:09,730
like she's been hit
with a mayonnaise truck.

379
00:19:11,690 --> 00:19:14,025
That's right, Mr. Stick um.

380
00:19:15,235 --> 00:19:16,736
Yeah, I hope she comes back.

381
00:19:16,946 --> 00:19:19,490
You gotta hold on. Thank you.

382
00:19:20,699 --> 00:19:21,366
- Okay.
- All set?

383
00:19:21,575 --> 00:19:22,409
- Yes.
- What do you got?

384
00:19:22,618 --> 00:19:26,997
I will have a medium.

385
00:19:27,206 --> 00:19:30,834
No, you know
what? I'm gonna have a large.

386
00:19:31,043 --> 00:19:33,378
I'll have a large mocha.

387
00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:35,506
- Okay.
- No.

388
00:19:36,465 --> 00:19:38,967
No, you know what? Maybe
a, maybe a vanilla.

389
00:19:39,176 --> 00:19:40,176
Okay.

390
00:19:41,136 --> 00:19:43,388
Wait, what, what do you
think goes better with bagels?

391
00:19:44,431 --> 00:19:47,725
You had 10 minutes to
make up your fucking mind!

392
00:19:47,935 --> 00:19:48,769
What is it with you people?

393
00:19:48,978 --> 00:19:49,687
Can somebody please tell me?

394
00:19:49,895 --> 00:19:50,979
I mean, we sell coffee.

395
00:19:51,188 --> 00:19:52,230
That's it, nothing else.

396
00:19:52,439 --> 00:19:53,606
You're not buying a car, I mean, right?

397
00:19:53,816 --> 00:19:54,942
Make a fucking decision, huh?

398
00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:56,860
How about it? I know, here we go.

399
00:19:57,069 --> 00:20:00,113
You're gonna have a regular coffee.

400
00:20:00,322 --> 00:20:01,865
Careful, the beverage
you're about to enjoy

401
00:20:02,074 --> 00:20:03,533
is extremely hot.

402
00:20:03,742 --> 00:20:04,993
Next?

403
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,160
Uh.

404
00:20:06,954 --> 00:20:07,954
What?

405
00:20:08,914 --> 00:20:12,626
I, um, two lattes, no foam, please.

406
00:20:30,310 --> 00:20:32,770
Believe this is the first
time you've ever been here.

407
00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:34,064
Ah-huh.

408
00:20:34,273 --> 00:20:35,691
I mean, all these fucking
idiots calling me Uncle Dave,

409
00:20:35,899 --> 00:20:38,067
and here I am, I actually
am your Uncle Dave.

410
00:20:38,277 --> 00:20:39,736
Yeah.

411
00:20:40,571 --> 00:20:43,282
So, when was
the last time I saw you?

412
00:20:44,867 --> 00:20:46,827
The bachelor party, right
before the wedding night.

413
00:20:47,035 --> 00:20:49,495
Oh, fuck, yeah, right. That was fun.

414
00:20:49,705 --> 00:20:51,331
I wonder if that donkey survived.

415
00:20:53,250 --> 00:20:55,710
Well, what do you think of the place?

416
00:20:55,919 --> 00:20:58,796
Ah, it's, it's amazing.

417
00:20:59,006 --> 00:21:01,675
Yeah. I kinda owe
it all to you, you know?

418
00:21:01,884 --> 00:21:02,884
Me?

419
00:21:04,136 --> 00:21:05,178
Well, we always talked about

420
00:21:05,387 --> 00:21:06,554
running a con like this, right?

421
00:21:06,763 --> 00:21:07,847
- Mm.
- You know,

422
00:21:08,056 --> 00:21:09,766
about how gullible people are,
how they'll believe anything

423
00:21:09,975 --> 00:21:12,352
if you just tell it to
them a couple of times?

424
00:21:12,561 --> 00:21:14,521
Anyway, I just took all that talk,

425
00:21:14,730 --> 00:21:16,648
put it into action, pushed
it to the next level,

426
00:21:16,857 --> 00:21:19,776
and here I fucking am.

427
00:21:21,862 --> 00:21:23,196
Man.

428
00:21:23,405 --> 00:21:25,073
I just can't believe it, you know?

429
00:21:26,158 --> 00:21:27,868
Yeah.

430
00:21:31,747 --> 00:21:33,415
You know, it's funny you
showing up here like this.

431
00:21:33,624 --> 00:21:35,542
You know, 'cause I find myself in a,

432
00:21:35,751 --> 00:21:37,252
in a financial situation.

433
00:21:38,795 --> 00:21:39,879
And I have a plan for getting out of it,

434
00:21:40,088 --> 00:21:41,798
but I could use a partner.

435
00:21:42,007 --> 00:21:43,550
Uh, no, no, no, no.

436
00:21:43,759 --> 00:21:45,051
I know where this is going, Uncle Dave.

437
00:21:45,260 --> 00:21:48,304
I, I don't do that type of shit anymore.

438
00:21:48,513 --> 00:21:50,348
Come on, it'd be like old times.

439
00:21:50,557 --> 00:21:53,559
Remember when we stole the flag
from the Governor's mansion?

440
00:21:53,769 --> 00:21:55,145
Twice.

441
00:21:55,354 --> 00:21:58,315
Yeah. And this plan,
it's foolproof, man.

442
00:21:58,523 --> 00:22:00,566
I got arrested the second time.

443
00:22:00,776 --> 00:22:02,736
Well, that plan wasn't foolproof.

444
00:22:02,945 --> 00:22:04,488
Yeah, they prosecuted me

445
00:22:04,696 --> 00:22:07,198
under the new flag protection amendment

446
00:22:07,407 --> 00:22:09,158
and with that on my record, I couldn't get

447
00:22:09,368 --> 00:22:12,204
into a good college or get a good job or.

448
00:22:12,412 --> 00:22:14,455
I pretty much just play by the rules.

449
00:22:14,665 --> 00:22:17,292
Look, man, nobody plays
by the rules, all right?

450
00:22:17,542 --> 00:22:19,502
You bend 'em or you break 'em.

451
00:22:19,711 --> 00:22:22,213
Anything else is just slow death.

452
00:22:22,422 --> 00:22:23,297
Yeah, that's what it feels like.

453
00:22:23,507 --> 00:22:25,717
Yeah. All right, well, fuck it, man.

454
00:22:25,926 --> 00:22:27,093
I never push you to do anything, right?

455
00:22:27,302 --> 00:22:28,344
I always let you go your own way.

456
00:22:28,553 --> 00:22:29,178
- Yeah.
- Besides,

457
00:22:29,388 --> 00:22:31,223
it's working out great for you, right?

458
00:22:31,431 --> 00:22:34,308
I mean, you got the beautiful
wife, the nice home.

459
00:22:35,310 --> 00:22:38,062
If you change your mind,
though, you let me know.

460
00:22:39,398 --> 00:22:40,899
Here, have a souvenir ashtray.

461
00:22:42,401 --> 00:22:43,735
Thanks.

462
00:22:44,778 --> 00:22:45,570
Now, you're
gonna get a welfare check

463
00:22:45,779 --> 00:22:48,114
for $168, right?

464
00:22:48,323 --> 00:22:49,407
You give me that check-
Fuck you, man.

465
00:22:49,616 --> 00:22:51,534
I'll give you
$250 worth of food stamps.

466
00:22:51,743 --> 00:22:53,661
You understand what I'm saying?
You made your profit there.

467
00:22:53,870 --> 00:22:54,954
This is a good deal, pal.

468
00:22:55,163 --> 00:22:56,414
It's a fucking great deal.

469
00:22:56,623 --> 00:22:58,541
- Shit.
- That's $82.

470
00:22:58,750 --> 00:22:59,959
$82. You're good at math.

471
00:23:00,168 --> 00:23:01,002
Hey, that's you. You're next.

472
00:23:01,211 --> 00:23:02,170
Here, use my pen.

473
00:23:02,337 --> 00:23:04,756
Use my pen and don't forget to date it.

474
00:23:04,965 --> 00:23:05,965
23-6.

475
00:23:07,634 --> 00:23:08,259
Hey, have you heard

476
00:23:08,468 --> 00:23:09,969
that since the United States
has closed their borders

477
00:23:10,178 --> 00:23:11,512
they're getting rid of
the Statue of Liberty?

478
00:23:11,722 --> 00:23:12,597
I don't understand you.

479
00:23:12,806 --> 00:23:15,558
All that scrap copper's
gonna be for sale.

480
00:23:15,767 --> 00:23:18,227
I don't want copper! You go away!

481
00:23:18,437 --> 00:23:19,855
- Wrong form.
- What?

482
00:23:20,063 --> 00:23:21,147
Wrong form!

483
00:23:21,356 --> 00:23:23,941
Look, I don't care what
form I have, all right?

484
00:23:24,151 --> 00:23:24,776
I'm not leaving here

485
00:23:24,985 --> 00:23:25,610
- until I get my money!
- That's it buddy,

486
00:23:25,819 --> 00:23:27,362
come on, hey, buddy, let's go.

487
00:23:27,571 --> 00:23:29,072
- Come on.
- Where's the pen?

488
00:23:29,281 --> 00:23:29,906
Where's my pen?

489
00:23:30,115 --> 00:23:32,158
Hey, come here. He's got my pen.

490
00:23:32,367 --> 00:23:33,534
Hey! Hey!

491
00:23:33,744 --> 00:23:34,453
Oh God!

492
00:23:36,037 --> 00:23:37,621
Got a fucking gun!

493
00:23:44,045 --> 00:23:45,045
Hey!

494
00:23:49,718 --> 00:23:51,219
Fuck me!

495
00:24:01,354 --> 00:24:03,272
Gone mad, just get down! Get down!

496
00:24:06,067 --> 00:24:08,402
That does it! Don't do it!

497
00:24:09,279 --> 00:24:10,863
Don't do it! Don't do it!

498
00:24:11,072 --> 00:24:13,407
Don't do it! Don't do it!

499
00:24:17,037 --> 00:24:18,204
I need backup!

500
00:24:27,714 --> 00:24:29,048
Sweet.

501
00:24:35,889 --> 00:24:37,682
More fucking backup!

502
00:24:38,725 --> 00:24:39,725
Number 25!

503
00:24:41,186 --> 00:24:42,812
Jesus Christ!

504
00:24:43,021 --> 00:24:44,021
Here. Right here.

505
00:24:45,065 --> 00:24:47,025
Sorry, we're closed.

506
00:24:48,777 --> 00:24:49,736
Stop pushing.

507
00:25:00,121 --> 00:25:02,164
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

508
00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:04,500
Oh!

509
00:25:09,047 --> 00:25:09,881
Oh, yes!

510
00:25:10,090 --> 00:25:11,090
Come on!

511
00:25:12,175 --> 00:25:13,801
Give it to me, Daddy.

512
00:25:14,010 --> 00:25:16,595
Give it to your bad girl.

513
00:25:21,226 --> 00:25:23,186
Oh, yes! Give it to me!

514
00:25:23,395 --> 00:25:24,395
Oh, oh yes!

515
00:25:33,238 --> 00:25:36,658
I'll be back in a second, sweet cheeks.

516
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:46,834
Hi, neighbor.

517
00:25:47,043 --> 00:25:50,463
Guess I won't be needing that
grievance after all, huh?

518
00:25:52,299 --> 00:25:53,466
Okay.

519
00:26:04,436 --> 00:26:08,936
Got to find the wet spot.

520
00:26:15,447 --> 00:26:18,116
Leave the welfare check on the counter.

521
00:26:18,324 --> 00:26:19,950
Oh, yeah. There.

522
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:21,244
Oh, yeah. Oh!

523
00:26:28,918 --> 00:26:30,294
Yes. Oh!

524
00:26:30,503 --> 00:26:31,587
Oh, yes! Yes!

525
00:26:35,091 --> 00:26:38,552
Get me a large bottle of cooking oil.

526
00:26:38,803 --> 00:26:41,138
The extra-virgin kind!

527
00:26:41,347 --> 00:26:43,557
Oh, yes! Yes!

528
00:26:43,767 --> 00:26:45,351
Oh, oh, oh yes! Oh!

529
00:26:50,148 --> 00:26:52,859
Please, Uncle Dave, please,
just a few hundred bucks,

530
00:26:53,109 --> 00:26:56,320
just, just enough to get me
out of this fuck hole town

531
00:26:56,529 --> 00:26:58,155
for the rest of my life, please?

532
00:26:59,157 --> 00:27:00,324
Hey, sport.

533
00:27:00,533 --> 00:27:01,659
Last chance. Come on.

534
00:27:01,868 --> 00:27:03,953
Help me out with a few bucks.

535
00:27:04,162 --> 00:27:05,746
I don't have anything.

536
00:27:07,290 --> 00:27:09,458
Who the fuck do you think
you're talking to, huh?

537
00:27:09,667 --> 00:27:12,711
What, you think I'm
stupid or something, huh?

538
00:27:12,921 --> 00:27:16,007
Listen, you're not gonna help
me out, I'll help out myself.

539
00:27:16,216 --> 00:27:17,800
Open up the wallet.

540
00:27:18,009 --> 00:27:19,427
Dude, who you talking to?

541
00:27:21,679 --> 00:27:22,763
No.

542
00:27:22,972 --> 00:27:23,597
Let go of my gun.

543
00:27:23,807 --> 00:27:25,058
What's the matter with you?

544
00:27:25,266 --> 00:27:28,018
Bro, you still there? Hey, bro?

545
00:27:29,729 --> 00:27:30,938
Hey, while I got you, I got to ask you.

546
00:27:31,147 --> 00:27:31,772
W- what do you think of those,

547
00:27:31,981 --> 00:27:34,817
those, uh, mileage rewards programs?

548
00:27:35,026 --> 00:27:36,026
What's the matter with you? Let go.

549
00:27:36,236 --> 00:27:36,986
No!

550
00:27:37,195 --> 00:27:39,030
You know what, I think
you could use those miles

551
00:27:39,239 --> 00:27:41,324
anytime to get tickets, right?

552
00:27:41,533 --> 00:27:42,367
But uh, you know, I tried,

553
00:27:42,575 --> 00:27:44,368
and you can't use them at Christmas.

554
00:27:45,787 --> 00:27:46,537
- Last chance.
- No.

555
00:27:46,746 --> 00:27:47,913
- Gimme the gun!
- No.

556
00:27:52,293 --> 00:27:53,794
Aw, shit, sport.

557
00:27:59,384 --> 00:28:00,676
It's like at every
holiday it's blacked out.

558
00:28:00,885 --> 00:28:02,177
Like, anytime you wanna
use the fucking things,

559
00:28:02,387 --> 00:28:03,387
it's blacked out.

560
00:28:04,514 --> 00:28:05,848
I mean, that's bullshit, isn't it?

561
00:28:06,057 --> 00:28:07,516
- Dave?
- Yeah?

562
00:28:07,725 --> 00:28:08,725
I'm in.

563
00:28:08,935 --> 00:28:09,935
You are?

564
00:28:10,144 --> 00:28:11,562
Oh, fuck, that's great, man.

565
00:28:15,024 --> 00:28:16,108
But you know what?

566
00:28:16,317 --> 00:28:19,445
You caught me at kind of a
busy time right now, so, uh.

567
00:28:20,738 --> 00:28:22,489
We, the people under Allah,

568
00:28:22,699 --> 00:28:24,409
give you a new beacon of strength

569
00:28:24,617 --> 00:28:27,369
against the great Satan of the West.

570
00:28:27,579 --> 00:28:29,289
They believe we are weakened,

571
00:28:29,497 --> 00:28:31,999
but in only a few days
we will strike a blow

572
00:28:32,208 --> 00:28:34,627
against America so swift and terrible

573
00:28:34,836 --> 00:28:38,214
that the evil ones will
collapse once and for all.

574
00:28:38,423 --> 00:28:41,634
We are asking those of
the true faith to wait,

575
00:28:41,843 --> 00:28:46,343
pray, and praise Allah when
the glorious slaughter begins.

576
00:28:48,308 --> 00:28:49,308
And cut!

577
00:28:51,769 --> 00:28:52,519
Wonderful scene, Sammy.

578
00:28:52,729 --> 00:28:55,064
Just wonderful! You truly
outdid yourself this time.

579
00:28:55,273 --> 00:28:56,482
You, you hold the, the screen.

580
00:28:56,691 --> 00:28:59,318
You, you are forceful, yet unbelievable.

581
00:28:59,527 --> 00:29:00,694
I almost cried in the middle there.

582
00:29:00,945 --> 00:29:02,446
You have such a, a star quality.

583
00:29:02,655 --> 00:29:03,489
Can't put it into words.

584
00:29:03,698 --> 00:29:04,824
You are a true superstar.

585
00:29:05,033 --> 00:29:07,493
Your voice, your, your
eyes, they were popping.

586
00:29:07,702 --> 00:29:08,911
What?

587
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:09,745
Don't you know

588
00:29:09,954 --> 00:29:10,704
I'm lactose intolerant?

589
00:29:10,913 --> 00:29:12,497
Are you trying to kill me?

590
00:29:15,043 --> 00:29:16,502
Who writes this shit?

591
00:29:18,755 --> 00:29:20,131
They're not listening anymore, Mohammed.

592
00:29:20,340 --> 00:29:22,175
I tell them about Allah and glory.

593
00:29:22,383 --> 00:29:23,050
And what do I get?

594
00:29:23,259 --> 00:29:25,719
What do I get every damn time?

595
00:29:25,928 --> 00:29:26,595
Virgins.

596
00:29:26,804 --> 00:29:28,305
Ding ding ding ding ding ding.

597
00:29:28,514 --> 00:29:32,017
Nobody wants to die anymore
unless they get virgins.

598
00:29:32,226 --> 00:29:34,061
But no one has to die this time.

599
00:29:34,270 --> 00:29:37,731
That is the genius of the shipment.

600
00:29:37,940 --> 00:29:41,109
Oh, the shipment! Oh, big whoop!

601
00:29:41,319 --> 00:29:44,739
What is it this time,
more Anthrax?

602
00:29:45,782 --> 00:29:49,202
Sammy, Sammy, why do
you have to be like that?

603
00:29:49,410 --> 00:29:51,495
Remember the thing with the
planes a few years back?

604
00:29:51,704 --> 00:29:53,455
Do you remember that, hm?

605
00:29:53,664 --> 00:29:54,289
Do you remember that?

606
00:29:54,499 --> 00:29:55,791
Come on, do you remember that?

607
00:29:56,000 --> 00:30:00,170
Child's play! Tomorrow is
when we really make our mark.

608
00:30:00,379 --> 00:30:04,879
You, me and the shipment of Krotchy dolls.

609
00:30:07,303 --> 00:30:08,679
I'm gonna go watch Oprah.

610
00:30:10,056 --> 00:30:11,849
She's looking good these days.

611
00:30:12,058 --> 00:30:13,309
The diet is working.

612
00:30:13,559 --> 00:30:14,559
I will do anything it takes

613
00:30:14,769 --> 00:30:16,061
to get the fuck out of Paradise!

614
00:30:16,270 --> 00:30:18,355
Anything, anything!

615
00:30:19,232 --> 00:30:20,650
Okay.

616
00:30:20,858 --> 00:30:22,234
Take me up the ass.

617
00:30:25,947 --> 00:30:27,948
- Just kidding.
- Oh.

618
00:30:28,157 --> 00:30:29,783
No, no, here, here.

619
00:30:31,118 --> 00:30:32,244
You know these things?

620
00:30:33,788 --> 00:30:34,705
Krotchy dolls?

621
00:30:34,914 --> 00:30:37,207
- Yeah.
- Yeah, who hasn't?

622
00:30:38,209 --> 00:30:40,210
Biggest show on TV, number one.

623
00:30:40,419 --> 00:30:41,878
Oh, and the guy who does the voice for it,

624
00:30:42,088 --> 00:30:43,589
he's some big international star, right?

625
00:30:43,798 --> 00:30:44,757
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

626
00:30:44,966 --> 00:30:45,633
All that matters

627
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:49,303
is everybody wants one
of those dolls, right?

628
00:30:49,512 --> 00:30:54,012
But sadly, the Chinese tanker
bringing them over here sank.

629
00:30:56,227 --> 00:30:59,438
They were able to save
about 100,000 dolls.

630
00:30:59,647 --> 00:31:01,899
Unfortunately, none of
the crew was rescued.

631
00:31:02,108 --> 00:31:05,444
So what, there's not enough dolls?

632
00:31:05,653 --> 00:31:07,196
Check this out, man.

633
00:31:07,405 --> 00:31:11,905
One of these dolls sold at
auction this morning for $4,000.

634
00:31:13,744 --> 00:31:14,744
Fuck me.

635
00:31:15,580 --> 00:31:18,291
Yeah.

636
00:31:18,499 --> 00:31:19,917
And, and 2,000.

637
00:31:22,003 --> 00:31:24,422
Times $4,000 is, uh.

638
00:31:25,381 --> 00:31:26,256
-Is 8, uh-
- That's like.

639
00:31:26,465 --> 00:31:27,841
No, it's 800.

640
00:31:28,050 --> 00:31:29,593
- No.
- It's 8. You move.

641
00:31:29,802 --> 00:31:31,762
Well, if it's, if it's three zeros here.

642
00:31:31,971 --> 00:31:33,013
You move the decimal back.

643
00:31:33,222 --> 00:31:34,973
I don't think, no, well, wait.

644
00:31:35,182 --> 00:31:36,641
-Or.
- It's a fucking lot of money!

645
00:31:36,851 --> 00:31:37,476
Oh, it's an ass-load of money.

646
00:31:37,685 --> 00:31:39,603
Dude, a couple of asses.

647
00:31:39,812 --> 00:31:40,854
Yeah.

648
00:31:42,189 --> 00:31:43,189
Okay.

649
00:31:44,150 --> 00:31:45,150
Okay.

650
00:31:46,235 --> 00:31:47,736
So what do you want out of me?

651
00:31:49,864 --> 00:31:51,031
Come up with the plan.

652
00:31:52,325 --> 00:31:54,785
"Cause if you remember the
whole flag-stealing thing,

653
00:31:54,994 --> 00:31:56,537
that was my plan.

654
00:31:56,746 --> 00:31:57,872
That sucked.

655
00:31:58,122 --> 00:32:00,374
It had certain structural flaws.

656
00:32:00,583 --> 00:32:03,002
Yeah. Yeah.

657
00:32:03,210 --> 00:32:05,086
Okay. Okay.

658
00:32:05,296 --> 00:32:06,296
Okay.

659
00:32:06,964 --> 00:32:08,548
What we got to do is we got to,

660
00:32:08,758 --> 00:32:10,134
we got to go to little Germany.

661
00:32:10,343 --> 00:32:10,968
Yeah.

662
00:32:11,177 --> 00:32:12,803
And we gotta break in there,

663
00:32:13,012 --> 00:32:15,472
and we gotta, uh, get the dolls,

664
00:32:15,681 --> 00:32:17,140
and we gotta, we gotta
bring 'em back here.

665
00:32:17,350 --> 00:32:19,727
So we're gonna need some sort of a, uh.

666
00:32:19,935 --> 00:32:20,560
- Truck.
- Truck!

667
00:32:20,770 --> 00:32:22,021
A truck would be good.

668
00:32:22,229 --> 00:32:23,813
Uh, one they can't trace back to us.

669
00:32:24,023 --> 00:32:25,399
Right.

670
00:32:29,111 --> 00:32:30,111
Ah-ha.

671
00:32:33,074 --> 00:32:34,575
- Huh?
- Yeah.

672
00:32:34,784 --> 00:32:35,993
- You got an idea?
- I got, yeah,

673
00:32:36,202 --> 00:32:37,536
I got something.

674
00:32:38,496 --> 00:32:40,539
- No, it's gone.
- Oh.

675
00:32:40,748 --> 00:32:43,584
George W. Bush is a sham.

676
00:32:44,543 --> 00:32:48,004
He's an actor, that's
not even his real name.

677
00:32:48,214 --> 00:32:49,715
And this is what the

678
00:32:49,924 --> 00:32:52,343
He knows too much.

679
00:32:52,551 --> 00:32:54,594
Mohammed, he's crazy.

680
00:32:54,804 --> 00:32:56,347
He suspects nothing.

681
00:32:56,555 --> 00:32:57,973
I'm sorry.

682
00:32:58,182 --> 00:32:59,766
You are a good man, Habib,

683
00:32:59,975 --> 00:33:02,936
but we are at a critical
point in the plan,

684
00:33:03,187 --> 00:33:05,022
and we must take no chances.

685
00:33:05,231 --> 00:33:06,440
No.

686
00:33:28,129 --> 00:33:31,966
Goodbye, Heaven Tarts, Sugar Logs,

687
00:33:32,174 --> 00:33:34,092
Powdered Flakes and Sweetie Os.

688
00:33:47,606 --> 00:33:50,692
Goodbye, low-calorie fudge ice cream.

689
00:33:57,241 --> 00:33:58,325
Allah!

690
00:34:20,431 --> 00:34:21,682
How much is this?

691
00:35:38,300 --> 00:35:39,300
Harry!

692
00:35:41,428 --> 00:35:45,928
You got my money, Harry?

693
00:35:51,438 --> 00:35:53,356
What you got for us today, Harry, huh?

694
00:35:57,611 --> 00:35:59,988
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

695
00:36:00,197 --> 00:36:01,489
Harry, come on.

696
00:36:02,658 --> 00:36:04,618
You've been out here for two hours and.

697
00:36:05,953 --> 00:36:06,953
Donating.

698
00:36:07,663 --> 00:36:08,830
H- help the retards.

699
00:36:10,416 --> 00:36:13,794
Do with $13, you motherfucker? Let's go.

700
00:36:15,546 --> 00:36:18,382
What? Oh, okay, I thought
you said something.

701
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:23,637
Was I talking to you? 5s and 10s only.

702
00:36:24,972 --> 00:36:27,057
No bath this month, you son of a bitch.

703
00:36:34,606 --> 00:36:37,108
I put some extra nutrients in your dinner,

704
00:36:37,317 --> 00:36:38,693
you're gonna like it.

705
00:36:38,902 --> 00:36:39,902
Let me see, come on.

706
00:36:41,738 --> 00:36:43,239
Mm, good isn't it?

707
00:36:44,408 --> 00:36:46,118
All right, baby.

708
00:36:46,326 --> 00:36:49,704
Well uh, goodnight, big day tomorrow okay?

709
00:36:49,913 --> 00:36:50,705
All right.

710
00:36:50,914 --> 00:36:52,624
What?

711
00:36:53,834 --> 00:36:55,710
Oh, I'm trippin'.

712
00:36:56,837 --> 00:36:57,837
Sorry, buddy.

713
00:36:58,547 --> 00:37:00,757
It does get cold in my
garage late at night.

714
00:37:01,675 --> 00:37:04,094
All right. Night, Harry.

715
00:37:08,557 --> 00:37:11,059
Welcome to Little
Germany amusement park,

716
00:37:11,268 --> 00:37:14,479
entertainment center for Paradise City.

717
00:37:14,688 --> 00:37:19,188
Now, tomorrow the major
media event will happen here

718
00:37:19,860 --> 00:37:22,529
at the stage, celebrating the unveiling

719
00:37:22,738 --> 00:37:24,573
of the Krotchy dolls.

720
00:37:24,781 --> 00:37:28,701
The huge international
star of "The Krotchy Show"

721
00:37:29,661 --> 00:37:33,539
will be there and that
is when we'll strike!

722
00:37:36,084 --> 00:37:37,335
Oh!

723
00:37:37,544 --> 00:37:40,588
Dave and I will be in the truck,

724
00:37:40,797 --> 00:37:43,007
accessing the employee entrance.

725
00:37:43,216 --> 00:37:45,051
Are you sure that your insider

726
00:37:45,260 --> 00:37:47,553
will be able to get us inside?

727
00:37:48,931 --> 00:37:53,060
He's both a high-ranking
parking lot manager

728
00:37:53,226 --> 00:37:56,395
and a loyal member to the flock.

729
00:37:56,605 --> 00:37:59,774
Now, I noticed there's a lot of security

730
00:37:59,983 --> 00:38:03,403
between the draw-bridge
and the store room.

731
00:38:03,612 --> 00:38:05,572
Now, how do we get through unnoticed?

732
00:38:05,781 --> 00:38:07,949
With a distraction!

733
00:38:08,158 --> 00:38:08,783
We're gonna fuck with

734
00:38:08,992 --> 00:38:10,993
the international
superstar's transportation.

735
00:38:12,371 --> 00:38:13,330
Yeah, by the time he gets in there

736
00:38:13,538 --> 00:38:14,872
he's gonna be so royally pissed, man.

737
00:38:15,082 --> 00:38:18,960
You know how people jump
on a VIP that's pissed off.

738
00:38:19,169 --> 00:38:21,796
You are a blessing upon us, my brother.

739
00:38:23,215 --> 00:38:25,091
It is as it was foretold in the good book.

740
00:38:25,300 --> 00:38:28,886
"And then there will
come one amongst them,

741
00:38:29,096 --> 00:38:32,557
an apostle who carries
within him the holy torch

742
00:38:32,808 --> 00:38:33,808
of righteousness."

743
00:38:34,768 --> 00:38:37,604
"He will lead us out of the
clutches of consumerism."

744
00:38:37,813 --> 00:38:39,481
Mm-hmm - Mm-hmm.

745
00:38:39,690 --> 00:38:42,442
You wrote a fucking
bible for these people?

746
00:38:42,651 --> 00:38:45,779
Group C rappels down and takes the dolls

747
00:38:45,987 --> 00:38:46,987
from the storeroom.

748
00:38:47,989 --> 00:38:51,450
Group E must control the perimeter,

749
00:38:51,660 --> 00:38:53,161
as our intelligence indicates

750
00:38:53,370 --> 00:38:55,371
that another organization

751
00:38:55,580 --> 00:38:58,582
may be after the dolls, as well.

752
00:39:04,506 --> 00:39:05,840
I'll get that.

753
00:39:09,386 --> 00:39:10,011
Bin Laden.

754
00:39:10,220 --> 00:39:11,846
Hello? It's your dime.

755
00:39:12,055 --> 00:39:15,725
Osama, you old fucker. It's GW.

756
00:39:15,934 --> 00:39:17,393
You know how many innocent
people we've had to torture

757
00:39:17,602 --> 00:39:18,769
trying to get a lead on you?

758
00:39:18,979 --> 00:39:20,730
So it's not my fault.

759
00:39:20,939 --> 00:39:21,606
What is it, Georgie?

760
00:39:21,815 --> 00:39:24,192
I, uh, kind of busy here.

761
00:39:24,401 --> 00:39:28,029
You know how Pops has those
oil pipelines in Saudi Arabia?

762
00:39:28,238 --> 00:39:30,907
I'm wondering if we ought
to file an insurance claim.

763
00:39:31,116 --> 00:39:33,868
You know, after the whole thing blows up.

764
00:39:34,995 --> 00:39:36,287
All right, well, drop me an e-mail,

765
00:39:36,496 --> 00:39:37,622
tell me what pipe you're talking about,

766
00:39:37,831 --> 00:39:39,415
and I'll blow it all the way to Mecca.

767
00:39:39,624 --> 00:39:41,167
We'd really appreciate it.

768
00:39:41,376 --> 00:39:43,669
I'll ask Laura to type that up.

769
00:39:43,879 --> 00:39:48,300
Hee, you know me and
spelling and all.

770
00:39:48,508 --> 00:39:49,717
All right, later.

771
00:39:52,471 --> 00:39:53,471
Jihad!

772
00:40:05,650 --> 00:40:07,610
First they promise me a private jet.

773
00:40:07,819 --> 00:40:10,196
Then they send me a freakin' bus?

774
00:40:10,405 --> 00:40:11,489
Jesus, don't they know

775
00:40:11,698 --> 00:40:14,075
I'm an international superstar?

776
00:40:16,286 --> 00:40:17,286
Jesus!

777
00:40:20,999 --> 00:40:21,999
Lord Jesus.

778
00:40:28,924 --> 00:40:31,551
Paradise, eight miles? God!

779
00:40:35,347 --> 00:40:37,057
Motherfuckers.

780
00:40:52,364 --> 00:40:53,364
Shotgun!

781
00:40:55,408 --> 00:40:56,408
Wait for us!

782
00:40:57,577 --> 00:41:02,077
Let's go! Go, go, go go, go,
go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

783
00:41:03,875 --> 00:41:05,876
Go, go, go, go, go!

784
00:41:08,588 --> 00:41:09,505
Go!

785
00:41:18,932 --> 00:41:21,225
Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go!

786
00:41:21,434 --> 00:41:23,477
Go, go, go, go, go!

787
00:41:27,816 --> 00:41:28,441
I'm telling you, Mohammed,

788
00:41:28,650 --> 00:41:30,151
I know I've seen that gas station before.

789
00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:31,235
We're lost.

790
00:41:31,444 --> 00:41:32,069
We are not lost.

791
00:41:32,278 --> 00:41:33,278
All gas stations look alike.

792
00:41:33,446 --> 00:41:34,113
What's wrong with you?

793
00:41:34,322 --> 00:41:36,615
Will you just pull over
and ask for directions?

794
00:41:36,825 --> 00:41:40,453
Get off my back! You know,
I'm doing my best here, okay?

795
00:41:40,704 --> 00:41:41,788
I should be driving.

796
00:41:41,997 --> 00:41:43,164
What, do you think
you're gonna do everything?

797
00:41:43,373 --> 00:41:45,416
Be the face of the organization
and also do the driving?

798
00:41:45,625 --> 00:41:46,917
What is wrong with you?

799
00:42:08,648 --> 00:42:11,359
I'm here at the theme
park Little Germany

800
00:42:11,568 --> 00:42:15,238
with owner and controversial
director Uwe Boll.

801
00:42:16,448 --> 00:42:19,117
Uwe, you made your fortune
turning video games

802
00:42:19,325 --> 00:42:21,493
into hit movies, but this theme park

803
00:42:21,703 --> 00:42:22,495
has always been your passion,

804
00:42:22,746 --> 00:42:25,498
and today is a big day for Little Germany.

805
00:42:25,749 --> 00:42:26,374
Absolutely.

806
00:42:26,583 --> 00:42:29,335
I'm totally happy that that
freighter went down from China

807
00:42:29,544 --> 00:42:30,503
with all the Krotchy dolls,

808
00:42:30,754 --> 00:42:33,506
so we are the only people in North America

809
00:42:33,757 --> 00:42:37,427
having the Krotchy dolls
exclusively here on sale.

810
00:42:44,851 --> 00:42:45,851
Yay!

811
00:42:47,395 --> 00:42:49,396
All right, what is all this shit, man?

812
00:42:51,483 --> 00:42:53,818
Ooh, Harry, it's time to go to work.

813
00:42:54,027 --> 00:42:55,695
Get your hat on. Let me see.

814
00:42:56,863 --> 00:42:59,949
Yeah! Watch this, watch this.

815
00:43:00,158 --> 00:43:02,159
Say, "Will work for food" in German.

816
00:43:03,745 --> 00:43:04,704
You the shit.

817
00:43:04,913 --> 00:43:05,872
All right, go on, now.

818
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:07,915
All right, no ones.

819
00:43:09,375 --> 00:43:11,251
That's my motherfucker right there.

820
00:43:11,461 --> 00:43:12,545
Watch out for the flowers, Harry.

821
00:43:14,339 --> 00:43:16,924
But I wanna use that situation
here where I'm live on TV

822
00:43:17,133 --> 00:43:19,009
and I wanna explain a
little about the financing

823
00:43:19,219 --> 00:43:21,554
of my movies and also from Little Germany,

824
00:43:21,763 --> 00:43:22,638
where the money comes from.

825
00:43:22,847 --> 00:43:24,682
Because you know there
are all that rumors out

826
00:43:24,891 --> 00:43:27,101
that my movies are financed with Nazi gold

827
00:43:27,310 --> 00:43:28,269
and what should I say?

828
00:43:28,478 --> 00:43:29,228
It's true.

829
00:43:30,271 --> 00:43:32,439
But somebody must do
something with that money.

830
00:43:32,649 --> 00:43:33,316
Ja!

831
00:43:33,524 --> 00:43:35,901
I get a little horny
here on stage sometimes,

832
00:43:36,110 --> 00:43:38,320
if I see the crowd and all the children.

833
00:43:39,197 --> 00:43:40,740
Are you fucking kidding me?

834
00:43:51,459 --> 00:43:52,459
Master, allow me.

835
00:44:04,347 --> 00:44:05,347
What about me?

836
00:44:07,850 --> 00:44:10,018
Do your job. Stupid.

837
00:44:11,312 --> 00:44:13,188
Oh, what, are you gonna fire me?

838
00:44:13,398 --> 00:44:14,732
For saying fuck?

839
00:44:14,941 --> 00:44:16,859
Well, fucky, fuck, fuck you, Dan.

840
00:44:17,068 --> 00:44:17,777
I'm the fucking show.

841
00:44:17,986 --> 00:44:21,239
You mind if I go to work now? Thank you.

842
00:44:23,241 --> 00:44:24,992
Five, four. I got shit in my teeth?

843
00:44:26,411 --> 00:44:27,411
Thank you.

844
00:44:28,121 --> 00:44:30,164
Hi, we're live in Little
Germany in Paradise.

845
00:44:30,373 --> 00:44:31,707
It's an amazing sight.

846
00:44:31,916 --> 00:44:33,542
The crowd is trembling with excitement.

847
00:44:33,751 --> 00:44:35,335
People have been lining up for days

848
00:44:35,545 --> 00:44:37,004
to be the first to get their hands

849
00:44:37,213 --> 00:44:39,381
on the coveted Krotchy dolls.

850
00:44:39,590 --> 00:44:41,174
Over to you on the red carpet, Gayle.

851
00:44:42,802 --> 00:44:43,761
Thanks, Bob.

852
00:44:43,970 --> 00:44:45,888
It really is incredible here.

853
00:44:46,097 --> 00:44:49,266
As you know, international
superstar Verne Troyer

854
00:44:49,475 --> 00:44:51,643
will be arriving any moment now.

855
00:44:51,894 --> 00:44:54,104
He's the voice of Krotchy in the cartoons

856
00:44:54,313 --> 00:44:55,939
and the video game.

857
00:45:03,281 --> 00:45:06,742
Ladies, today we do God's work,

858
00:45:06,951 --> 00:45:09,870
so get in there and give
those boys a God job.

859
00:45:10,079 --> 00:45:11,038
Yes, sir.

860
00:45:14,250 --> 00:45:15,250
Hey, boys.

861
00:45:16,252 --> 00:45:18,170
- That's beautiful.
- I know.

862
00:45:18,379 --> 00:45:19,296
Uh-oh.

863
00:45:19,505 --> 00:45:22,174
Looks like I'm gonna get a burn.

864
00:45:23,426 --> 00:45:24,635
Oops.

865
00:45:24,844 --> 00:45:27,012
- Atta girl.
- Yeah.

866
00:45:31,809 --> 00:45:32,809
Oh, God.

867
00:45:34,228 --> 00:45:35,270
They're so creepy.

868
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:37,064
- Yeah, so?
- Come on, boys!

869
00:45:37,273 --> 00:45:40,567
You know, can, can
you guys gimme a hand?

870
00:45:40,777 --> 00:45:43,529
There's four of them and one of me. Yeah.

871
00:45:45,323 --> 00:45:46,574
Okay.

872
00:45:49,410 --> 00:45:50,410
Whoo!

873
00:46:02,548 --> 00:46:03,632
Oh, yes!

874
00:46:03,841 --> 00:46:08,341
Oh, you sexy little
motherfucker.

875
00:46:08,846 --> 00:46:10,931
Gayle, is that Verne's limo?

876
00:46:11,933 --> 00:46:13,726
Uh, I can't see, Bob.

877
00:46:13,935 --> 00:46:17,355
There seems to be a
pickup truck in the way.

878
00:46:17,563 --> 00:46:19,106
A pickup truck? Well, that's classy.

879
00:46:25,238 --> 00:46:26,238
Hey, man.

880
00:46:33,871 --> 00:46:35,372
I just can't possibly explain how,

881
00:46:35,581 --> 00:46:37,874
how unbelievably sorry we are, Mr. Troyer.

882
00:46:38,084 --> 00:46:39,752
I personally will take full responsibility

883
00:46:40,002 --> 00:46:41,294
for this confusion with the pickup.

884
00:46:41,504 --> 00:46:42,504
I don't want you fired.

885
00:46:42,713 --> 00:46:44,631
I want your fucking boss fired.

886
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:46,800
This is Anne Frank. Go, Hitler Two.

887
00:46:47,009 --> 00:46:48,176
- Copy?

888
00:46:48,386 --> 00:46:49,970
I'm in position.

889
00:46:50,179 --> 00:46:53,265
Ja, VIP is arriving as we speak.

890
00:46:53,474 --> 00:46:54,725
Why do you sound all queer?

891
00:46:54,934 --> 00:46:57,269
I'm using a
German accent, I'm undercover.

892
00:46:57,478 --> 00:46:58,478
Stop it!

893
00:46:59,730 --> 00:47:00,856
He's kinda retarded, huh?

894
00:47:01,065 --> 00:47:02,566
Yeah. He's very loyal.

895
00:47:03,985 --> 00:47:05,152
Retards are, really.

896
00:47:06,404 --> 00:47:09,573
Ladies. So, what did
you do with the guards?

897
00:47:09,782 --> 00:47:11,366
They're all worn out.

898
00:47:11,575 --> 00:47:12,575
Hm!

899
00:47:15,162 --> 00:47:17,247
What happened? What is it?

900
00:47:17,456 --> 00:47:19,166
He did a poo-poo in my mouth.

901
00:47:19,375 --> 00:47:20,793
Aww, baby, come here.

902
00:47:21,002 --> 00:47:22,461
Come here, baby. Listen to me.

903
00:47:23,421 --> 00:47:25,214
Listen. Listen to me, listen to me.

904
00:47:25,423 --> 00:47:28,592
Don't whine. It's very unattractive, okay?

905
00:47:28,801 --> 00:47:30,677
I tell you this 'cause I love you.

906
00:47:30,886 --> 00:47:31,970
All right?

907
00:47:32,179 --> 00:47:33,305
There we go, there we go, come on.

908
00:47:33,514 --> 00:47:34,806
All right. Okay, ladies.

909
00:47:35,725 --> 00:47:37,977
Get to work on lifting the crates.

910
00:47:38,185 --> 00:47:39,185
This is great.

911
00:47:39,395 --> 00:47:41,647
That means that the whole park is busy

912
00:47:41,856 --> 00:47:43,941
with the pissed-off VIP.

913
00:47:44,150 --> 00:47:46,819
That means my plan is genius!

914
00:47:47,028 --> 00:47:49,238
Yeah.

915
00:47:49,447 --> 00:47:50,823
You all look very pretty.

916
00:47:51,032 --> 00:47:52,867
Very pretty.

917
00:47:53,075 --> 00:47:55,076
Come on, cowboy up. Cowboy up!

918
00:47:55,286 --> 00:47:56,954
Y'all on the team.

919
00:48:15,473 --> 00:48:16,473
It's locked.

920
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:23,939
There must be another way in!

921
00:48:33,240 --> 00:48:34,908
Where's my money, as swipe?

922
00:48:35,117 --> 00:48:37,828
I have even better. Gold teeth.

923
00:48:38,954 --> 00:48:41,164
Wait a second. Take it back.

924
00:48:41,373 --> 00:48:43,124
Hello, Paradise.

925
00:48:45,878 --> 00:48:46,628
Help me, Krotchy.

926
00:48:46,837 --> 00:48:48,672
I'm a beautiful lady. Help me.

927
00:48:48,881 --> 00:48:50,299
Well, you know what the
good and noble Krotchy

928
00:48:50,508 --> 00:48:51,926
says about people in need.

929
00:48:52,134 --> 00:48:54,553
Only my father and
my priest can touch me there.

930
00:48:57,306 --> 00:48:58,515
Uncle Dave, look out!

931
00:48:58,724 --> 00:49:00,976
What the fuck? Get to the truck!

932
00:49:01,185 --> 00:49:02,853
We'll meet you out front. Come on!

933
00:49:03,813 --> 00:49:05,523
Anne Frank, you better
have some chaos out there.

934
00:49:05,731 --> 00:49:07,274
We're coming your way!

935
00:49:08,776 --> 00:49:10,944
This is Anne Frank. Abort mission!

936
00:49:11,153 --> 00:49:13,572
You come down here, you'll
be arrested in a second!

937
00:49:13,781 --> 00:49:16,325
You are the envy of the entire country.

938
00:49:16,534 --> 00:49:17,493
Give us the dolls, infidel.

939
00:49:17,701 --> 00:49:19,285
Anne Frank, we need a distraction.

940
00:49:19,495 --> 00:49:21,288
We need a distraction now!

941
00:49:24,917 --> 00:49:26,460
The fat man is at the buffet.

942
00:49:26,669 --> 00:49:27,294
What?

943
00:49:27,503 --> 00:49:29,671
Repeat, the fat man is at the buffet.

944
00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:31,298
What the hell
are you talking about?

945
00:49:31,507 --> 00:49:33,508
The van is here, you idiot.

946
00:49:33,717 --> 00:49:36,594
You are the first city to receive

947
00:49:36,804 --> 00:49:39,598
the officially licensed Krotchy doll.

948
00:49:43,852 --> 00:49:46,771
Oh, powerful Lord, hear my plea.

949
00:49:48,691 --> 00:49:49,525
Boll, I'm Vince Desi.

950
00:49:49,733 --> 00:49:51,234
What the fuck you do to my game Postal?

951
00:49:51,485 --> 00:49:53,028
I don't know what
your fucking problem is.

952
00:49:53,237 --> 00:49:54,321
The movie is great.

953
00:49:58,659 --> 00:49:59,910
Oh, shit!

954
00:50:05,958 --> 00:50:08,543
Officers, you realize
there's a huge fight

955
00:50:08,752 --> 00:50:09,711
going on on stage right now?

956
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:11,087
Yeah.

957
00:50:14,425 --> 00:50:15,217
Anne Frank,

958
00:50:15,426 --> 00:50:17,427
we're coming your way now!

959
00:50:19,555 --> 00:50:20,931
Party's over.

960
00:50:21,140 --> 00:50:22,599
Freaking Nazi motherfucker!

961
00:50:22,808 --> 00:50:23,725
Get your hands off me!

962
00:50:23,934 --> 00:50:24,768
For video games!

963
00:50:26,687 --> 00:50:28,647
No! He shot Harry!

964
00:50:32,735 --> 00:50:33,360
You son of a bitch!

965
00:50:39,283 --> 00:50:41,284
- Let's go!
- Be careful.

966
00:50:46,248 --> 00:50:49,417
Harry! I'm gonna help you, baby!

967
00:50:58,886 --> 00:50:59,886
Whoa!

968
00:51:14,485 --> 00:51:16,737
I hate video games.

969
00:51:22,826 --> 00:51:24,410
Let's get the hell out of here!

970
00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:53,231
Get out of the way!

971
00:51:56,443 --> 00:51:57,527
Oh, my shit!

972
00:51:57,736 --> 00:51:58,903
I'm so sorry!

973
00:51:59,154 --> 00:51:59,988
What are you doing with my shit?

974
00:52:00,197 --> 00:52:00,822
I'm a huge fan.

975
00:52:01,031 --> 00:52:02,157
Let me give you a hand with that.

976
00:52:02,366 --> 00:52:04,993
- Leave it alone.
- I had no idea you be c.

977
00:52:05,202 --> 00:52:05,827
A dildo on a stick?

978
00:52:06,036 --> 00:52:07,912
- Hey, that's mine.
- That's crazy!

979
00:52:09,248 --> 00:52:10,082
Let me see if I can help
you get everything in!

980
00:52:10,290 --> 00:52:13,001
What are you doing?

981
00:52:13,210 --> 00:52:14,961
Jesus! What the fuck?

982
00:52:17,089 --> 00:52:18,298
Goddamn! What.

983
00:52:20,300 --> 00:52:23,511
God. I'm in my fucking suitcase.

984
00:52:26,765 --> 00:52:27,390
Go, go!

985
00:52:27,599 --> 00:52:28,349
Richard, what the fuck?

986
00:52:28,559 --> 00:52:30,310
It's a present.

987
00:52:30,519 --> 00:52:31,853
Hey! Assholes!

988
00:52:37,901 --> 00:52:41,613
Uh. Coffee shop.

989
00:52:41,822 --> 00:52:43,532
Lattes, no foam.

990
00:52:43,740 --> 00:52:44,740
Yeah.

991
00:52:46,285 --> 00:52:47,869
Uh, yeah, I got to go.

992
00:52:57,004 --> 00:52:58,130
Why did you bring him?

993
00:52:58,338 --> 00:53:00,131
Mind your own business
and get us out of here!

994
00:53:00,340 --> 00:53:02,717
Shut up, you big crybaby.

995
00:53:05,721 --> 00:53:07,681
Wait, wait, wait, wait! Hey!

996
00:53:07,889 --> 00:53:10,474
Move, move, move, move. Go, go, go.

997
00:53:15,272 --> 00:53:16,856
Let's go, baby.

998
00:53:19,151 --> 00:53:21,152
Where is the damn key?

999
00:53:22,112 --> 00:53:23,488
You don't have the keys?

1000
00:53:23,697 --> 00:53:25,073
I thought you had the keys.

1001
00:53:31,872 --> 00:53:33,164
It's like
when you were a kid.

1002
00:53:33,373 --> 00:53:35,041
Sometimes it helps to retrace your steps.

1003
00:53:35,250 --> 00:53:36,542
Oh, Mohammed!

1004
00:53:36,752 --> 00:53:39,004
You're under arrest!

1005
00:53:40,005 --> 00:53:41,005
You killed Harry!

1006
00:53:42,174 --> 00:53:42,924
Start shooting, John.

1007
00:53:43,133 --> 00:53:44,425
Do something. Shit!

1008
00:53:45,886 --> 00:53:47,387
Harry wasn't hurting nobody.

1009
00:53:49,556 --> 00:53:50,390
What the fuck am I gonna do

1010
00:53:50,599 --> 00:53:51,891
with all those damn diapers I bought him?

1011
00:53:55,270 --> 00:53:56,980
You're stepping on my thing! Oh!

1012
00:53:57,189 --> 00:54:01,026
Brother Tariq knows one of
the offender's female cohorts.

1013
00:54:01,234 --> 00:54:03,569
Already he is on his way to the residence

1014
00:54:03,779 --> 00:54:05,280
to intercept and capture them!

1015
00:54:05,489 --> 00:54:06,573
Allah be praised!

1016
00:54:06,782 --> 00:54:10,160
Now you will give your lives
to avenge this outrage.

1017
00:54:11,703 --> 00:54:14,872
Or we could just kill the other guys.

1018
00:54:15,082 --> 00:54:17,709
Yeah!

1019
00:54:33,308 --> 00:54:35,435
Jesus Christ, can
you control this thing?

1020
00:54:35,644 --> 00:54:36,895
Yes!

1021
00:54:37,938 --> 00:54:39,731
Watch where you're going!

1022
00:54:39,940 --> 00:54:42,275
- I think I'm gonna-
- Oh, God.

1023
00:54:47,239 --> 00:54:51,034
Oh-oh. It's the moo cow
from the welfare office.

1024
00:54:51,243 --> 00:54:53,370
Sorry, we're closed.

1025
00:54:53,578 --> 00:54:54,996
Bitch!

1026
00:54:57,541 --> 00:54:58,667
What was that?

1027
00:55:02,587 --> 00:55:03,587
Oh!

1028
00:55:04,631 --> 00:55:08,551
I thought we had a flat, but
we just ran over some girl.

1029
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:09,760
Whew! Thank God.

1030
00:55:11,388 --> 00:55:12,847
Got a body on Maple.

1031
00:55:13,056 --> 00:55:15,933
Tag 22, please
repeat your location.

1032
00:55:16,143 --> 00:55:18,436
Maple, like the syrup.

1033
00:55:19,479 --> 00:55:21,189
Oh, this is fucking fantastic.

1034
00:55:21,398 --> 00:55:23,733
Oh, my God, these kids are heavy!

1035
00:55:25,235 --> 00:55:26,694
Okay. All right.

1036
00:55:26,903 --> 00:55:30,406
Gary! Wait, just wait, wait.

1037
00:55:31,366 --> 00:55:33,326
Oh, yeah, okay.

1038
00:55:33,535 --> 00:55:34,702
Roll it, Gary.

1039
00:55:34,911 --> 00:55:36,579
Make me a star.

1040
00:55:39,291 --> 00:55:41,418
This is Gayle Ravenson reporting live

1041
00:55:41,626 --> 00:55:43,294
from Little Germany theme park,

1042
00:55:43,503 --> 00:55:45,046
on what will for evermore be known

1043
00:55:45,255 --> 00:55:48,383
as the place where the laughter died.

1044
00:55:48,592 --> 00:55:50,302
Celebrity icon Verne Troyer

1045
00:55:50,510 --> 00:55:53,763
is currently missing or presumed dead.

1046
00:55:53,972 --> 00:55:55,890
The coward responsible for this massacre

1047
00:55:56,099 --> 00:55:58,392
has been described as a rodent-like man

1048
00:55:58,602 --> 00:56:01,271
with red hair and wearing a peace T-shirt.

1049
00:56:02,647 --> 00:56:04,023
Back to you, Bob.

1050
00:56:04,232 --> 00:56:05,524
Oh, that's right.

1051
00:56:05,734 --> 00:56:06,734
You're dead.

1052
00:56:08,028 --> 00:56:09,654
These kids are starting to smell.

1053
00:56:13,033 --> 00:56:15,452
I can't believe I took this fucking job.

1054
00:56:15,660 --> 00:56:17,078
Fucking bullshit.

1055
00:56:17,287 --> 00:56:18,287
Goddamn it.

1056
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:22,083
This helps.

1057
00:56:22,292 --> 00:56:23,876
Definitely helps.

1058
00:56:32,427 --> 00:56:33,803
We need to get him inside immediately,

1059
00:56:34,012 --> 00:56:35,138
along with the merchandise!

1060
00:56:35,347 --> 00:56:37,849
Yes. Jesus, titty-fuck,
they're already here.

1061
00:56:38,058 --> 00:56:38,767
Now what do we do?

1062
00:56:38,975 --> 00:56:41,352
That was the safest
place in all of Paradise.

1063
00:56:41,603 --> 00:56:43,104
You guys don't have like a bomb shelter

1064
00:56:43,313 --> 00:56:43,938
or a basement or something like that,

1065
00:56:44,147 --> 00:56:45,940
that the Taliban couldn't
have found themselves, right?

1066
00:56:46,149 --> 00:56:47,525
- No, we don't.
- We do.

1067
00:56:47,734 --> 00:56:49,318
- What?
- We do.

1068
00:56:49,527 --> 00:56:51,028
There's a massive underground shelter

1069
00:56:51,237 --> 00:56:52,988
beneath the main compound.

1070
00:56:53,198 --> 00:56:54,699
It's perfect.

1071
00:56:54,908 --> 00:56:56,242
You know what would be perfect?

1072
00:56:56,451 --> 00:56:58,119
My foot up your ass.

1073
00:56:59,704 --> 00:57:01,122
Who the fuck are you people?

1074
00:57:02,248 --> 00:57:02,873
What the fuck did you bring him for?

1075
00:57:03,083 --> 00:57:04,751
You'll see, Uncle Dave.

1076
00:57:04,959 --> 00:57:06,168
Do you think we can sneak him past

1077
00:57:06,378 --> 00:57:08,588
the Taliban without them finding out?

1078
00:57:08,797 --> 00:57:10,757
We could try. But do
we do about the truck?

1079
00:57:10,965 --> 00:57:11,757
I'll take care of the truck.

1080
00:57:11,966 --> 00:57:12,800
Wait a minute, why don't I know

1081
00:57:13,009 --> 00:57:14,093
about this shelter, Richie?

1082
00:57:14,302 --> 00:57:16,345
And where the fuck are you
gonna hide my Krotchy dolls?

1083
00:57:16,554 --> 00:57:17,888
In plain sight.

1084
00:57:18,098 --> 00:57:19,265
Somebody grab the little guy.

1085
00:57:19,474 --> 00:57:21,017
Come on, little guy.

1086
00:57:21,226 --> 00:57:23,019
What the fuck's going on?

1087
00:57:23,228 --> 00:57:24,187
- Come on.
- Okay. Shut up.

1088
00:57:24,396 --> 00:57:27,065
- Come on, let's go.
- Come on.

1089
00:57:27,273 --> 00:57:31,485
Citizens of this great nation, town,

1090
00:57:33,279 --> 00:57:35,990
be on the lookout for this psychopath,

1091
00:57:36,199 --> 00:57:38,576
deranged killer, also known as

1092
00:57:38,785 --> 00:57:41,704
- Postal Dude.
- Postal Dude.

1093
00:57:41,913 --> 00:57:44,206
That's the best we could
come up? Postal Dude.

1094
00:57:44,416 --> 00:57:46,501
He's wanted in conjunction
with the kidnapping,

1095
00:57:46,709 --> 00:57:48,001
the shooting at the welfare office,

1096
00:57:48,211 --> 00:57:50,421
the assassination of Candidate Welles.

1097
00:57:50,630 --> 00:57:51,630
And killing a Chinese woman.

1098
00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:55,260
He killed a poor, innocent Chinese lady.

1099
00:57:55,427 --> 00:57:56,511
So if you see him

1100
00:57:56,719 --> 00:57:58,011
You ever just have one of those days?

1101
00:57:58,221 --> 00:57:59,263
Mm, no.

1102
00:58:00,765 --> 00:58:03,142
Hey, hey! The Postal Dude!

1103
00:58:03,351 --> 00:58:05,519
- Get him!
- Hey, come on!

1104
00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:09,231
Uh, I don't think that's him.

1105
00:58:09,441 --> 00:58:10,984
See how his hair flows, though?

1106
00:58:12,444 --> 00:58:14,279
This guy looks more like Jesus.

1107
00:58:18,950 --> 00:58:19,659
Shit. Shit.

1108
00:58:19,868 --> 00:58:21,369
Shit, shit, shit.

1109
00:58:22,871 --> 00:58:24,163
Let's go!

1110
00:58:24,372 --> 00:58:25,247
Thank you!

1111
00:58:25,456 --> 00:58:27,166
This way!

1112
00:58:27,375 --> 00:58:28,292
Get him! Come on!

1113
00:58:28,501 --> 00:58:30,669
Hey, which way did he go?

1114
00:58:30,879 --> 00:58:31,588
- This way!
- This way!

1115
00:58:33,506 --> 00:58:35,174
Why did you help him?

1116
00:58:35,383 --> 00:58:37,218
Wanna clean the windows again?

1117
00:58:37,427 --> 00:58:38,761
Yeah, fuck.

1118
00:58:54,319 --> 00:58:55,903
Hold it!

1119
00:58:56,112 --> 00:58:57,530
Up against the wall now!

1120
00:58:58,781 --> 00:59:01,492
Huh? Looks like I bagged
me the Postal Dude.

1121
00:59:05,830 --> 00:59:08,165
Goddamn! You son of a bitch!

1122
00:59:10,001 --> 00:59:12,002
I think you busted my nose!

1123
00:59:12,211 --> 00:59:14,713
Oh, fuck! You fucking asshole!

1124
00:59:16,633 --> 00:59:17,842
I'm gonna fuck you up!

1125
00:59:19,886 --> 00:59:20,886
Sorry.

1126
00:59:26,726 --> 00:59:28,060
I think he went that way!

1127
00:59:35,443 --> 00:59:36,694
Yeah, no wonder cops are crabby.

1128
00:59:36,903 --> 00:59:38,988
This weighs a fucking ton.

1129
00:59:39,197 --> 00:59:40,489
Handcuffs. Those are cool.

1130
00:59:42,116 --> 00:59:44,535
Flashlight. Pepper spray.

1131
00:59:44,786 --> 00:59:46,287
Pepper spray is neat.

1132
00:59:46,496 --> 00:59:47,496
Officer!

1133
00:59:48,748 --> 00:59:51,750
Paul Lipscombe, neighborhood
watchdog group, Chapter 232.

1134
00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:54,087
Good job, citizen.

1135
00:59:54,295 --> 00:59:55,546
Did you see the Postal Dude?

1136
00:59:55,797 --> 00:59:57,256
Yes, uh, yes.

1137
00:59:57,465 --> 00:59:58,716
He went down that away.

1138
00:59:58,925 --> 00:59:59,675
Right.

1139
00:59:59,884 --> 01:00:02,469
Citizens united, let's get this fucker!

1140
01:00:02,679 --> 01:00:03,679
Get him!

1141
01:00:09,143 --> 01:00:10,561
Sh, sh. Hey, hey.

1142
01:00:11,562 --> 01:00:12,521
Nice outfit.

1143
01:00:12,730 --> 01:00:15,274
Like you couldn't be
more of an ass already.

1144
01:00:16,567 --> 01:00:17,859
You look like a penguin.

1145
01:00:18,069 --> 01:00:19,445
So I dropped the truck off.

1146
01:00:19,654 --> 01:00:24,033
Huh? Now where is that
underground shelter place?

1147
01:00:24,242 --> 01:00:26,827
Sh. Go through the bedroom.

1148
01:00:27,036 --> 01:00:28,370
Yeah, and then, okay.

1149
01:00:28,579 --> 01:00:29,746
All right, all right, I'm going in.

1150
01:00:29,956 --> 01:00:31,415
All right?

1151
01:00:31,624 --> 01:00:34,710
All right, I'm going in. Let's see.

1152
01:00:38,339 --> 01:00:40,424
- Have you heard from Osama?
- No.

1153
01:00:40,633 --> 01:00:42,968
- Heard about the truck?
- No.

1154
01:00:43,177 --> 01:00:44,761
- Have you seen the dog?
- No!

1155
01:00:44,971 --> 01:00:45,596
- Do you know anything?
- I don't know.

1156
01:00:45,805 --> 01:00:47,223
You are stupid, stupid!

1157
01:00:47,432 --> 01:00:49,767
- Mohammed, I'm sorry.
- Stupid.

1158
01:01:04,615 --> 01:01:06,700
Lauren Calcutt, insider trading

1159
01:01:06,909 --> 01:01:08,619
of over $3 million dollars.

1160
01:01:09,620 --> 01:01:12,706
Linda Monteill, kicked her neighbor's dog.

1161
01:01:12,915 --> 01:01:14,374
We'll have more on my investigation

1162
01:01:14,584 --> 01:01:16,460
as to why the World Trade Center victims

1163
01:01:16,669 --> 01:01:19,046
deserved to die, after the break.

1164
01:01:19,255 --> 01:01:21,507
Discouraged by the
inability to stem the

1165
01:01:25,887 --> 01:01:28,639
Which prevents the continent
from having any further contact

1166
01:01:28,848 --> 01:01:30,266
with the rest of the planet.

1167
01:01:31,267 --> 01:01:32,351
According to leading experts,

1168
01:01:32,560 --> 01:01:35,229
video games are the
number-one cause of violence.

1169
01:01:42,653 --> 01:01:43,945
Psst! Puss, puss.

1170
01:01:44,155 --> 01:01:46,031
Here, you stupid cat.

1171
01:02:01,422 --> 01:02:02,756
- Meow!
- Hm?

1172
01:02:05,301 --> 01:02:07,678
Good kitty.

1173
01:02:12,975 --> 01:02:17,475
Come on. Come on.

1174
01:02:18,689 --> 01:02:20,482
Stay low.

1175
01:02:20,691 --> 01:02:21,942
I already am.

1176
01:02:22,151 --> 01:02:23,569
Go. Go, go, go.

1177
01:02:30,952 --> 01:02:31,577
Let's go.

1178
01:02:31,786 --> 01:02:34,371
Come on. Up, up, up, up, up, up.

1179
01:02:34,580 --> 01:02:35,247
Get him. Get him.

1180
01:02:35,456 --> 01:02:38,125
Get him. Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh.

1181
01:02:39,460 --> 01:02:40,502
Line up, my sexies.

1182
01:02:40,711 --> 01:02:43,422
That includes you, too, Mr. Troyer.

1183
01:02:45,424 --> 01:02:47,884
Jenny, would you mind opening it?

1184
01:02:48,803 --> 01:02:49,887
My pleasure.

1185
01:02:51,847 --> 01:02:53,848
Jenny, you, too, huh?

1186
01:02:54,058 --> 01:02:56,101
Am I the only fucking
person who didn't know

1187
01:02:56,310 --> 01:02:58,979
there was a bomb shelter
underneath my bedroom?

1188
01:02:59,188 --> 01:03:03,358
It's not a bomb shelter,
Uncle Dave.

1189
01:03:05,486 --> 01:03:07,821
I can't believe this fucking shit.

1190
01:03:08,030 --> 01:03:09,614
It's a God shelter.

1191
01:03:14,370 --> 01:03:16,371
Richie, what the fuck is this?

1192
01:03:16,580 --> 01:03:20,458
- This is amazing.
- This is a shithole.

1193
01:03:20,668 --> 01:03:21,919
What is all this for?

1194
01:03:22,128 --> 01:03:25,297
Dave's bible, Chapter 11, Psalm 23;

1195
01:03:25,506 --> 01:03:27,424
"And in the end, the fire and the plagues

1196
01:03:27,633 --> 01:03:29,259
will come at the behest of the Lord,

1197
01:03:29,468 --> 01:03:31,928
and the sores and the boils,

1198
01:03:32,138 --> 01:03:34,640
and the intestinal ulcers
and testicular tumors

1199
01:03:34,849 --> 01:03:39,349
shall befall all of
humanity except for those

1200
01:03:40,062 --> 01:03:43,523
"who hide like rabbits below the ground."

1201
01:03:43,733 --> 01:03:44,358
I can't believe this.

1202
01:03:44,567 --> 01:03:45,609
You guys built this all by yourselves

1203
01:03:45,818 --> 01:03:47,778
just 'cause I wrote that shit?

1204
01:03:48,028 --> 01:03:51,197
I am of true faith, Uncle Dave.

1205
01:03:51,407 --> 01:03:52,950
Even if you are not.

1206
01:03:54,493 --> 01:03:55,535
Hey, this is pretty sweet.

1207
01:03:55,745 --> 01:03:57,037
You ever, uh, fire.

1208
01:03:57,246 --> 01:04:00,415
Don't touch anything!

1209
01:04:00,624 --> 01:04:04,336
We will need every bullet
for the end of all things.

1210
01:04:05,379 --> 01:04:06,379
That's great, Richie,

1211
01:04:06,589 --> 01:04:09,967
but right now we've got
a problem, all right?

1212
01:04:10,176 --> 01:04:12,678
My house is full of a bunch
of fucking religious fanatics

1213
01:04:12,887 --> 01:04:14,054
who think they're gonna
be the chosen people

1214
01:04:14,263 --> 01:04:15,347
at the end of the world.

1215
01:04:15,556 --> 01:04:16,181
As opposed to?

1216
01:04:16,390 --> 01:04:17,015
Would you shut the fuck up.

1217
01:04:17,224 --> 01:04:17,974
Why don't you shut the fuck up?

1218
01:04:18,184 --> 01:04:18,976
You don't think I'll come over there?

1219
01:04:19,185 --> 01:04:20,144
I'll come over there and fuckin', fuckin'

1220
01:04:20,352 --> 01:04:22,312
I-I'll stick this finger up your ass.

1221
01:04:22,521 --> 01:04:23,813
Yeah, you and what fucking ladder?

1222
01:04:24,023 --> 01:04:25,274
- I'll get you.
- I'll fucking.

1223
01:04:25,483 --> 01:04:26,734
- Take this.
- Goddamn.

1224
01:04:27,693 --> 01:04:30,529
Richie, the point is we
don't need to be worried

1225
01:04:30,738 --> 01:04:32,656
about the end right now, okay?

1226
01:04:32,865 --> 01:04:33,824
We just need to take those guns,

1227
01:04:34,033 --> 01:04:35,701
go upstairs, kill some motherfuckers,

1228
01:04:35,910 --> 01:04:38,621
get my merchandise back, sell it

1229
01:04:38,829 --> 01:04:40,914
so we can pay off the IRS, all right?

1230
01:04:41,123 --> 01:04:44,501
Not gonna sell the
merchandise, Uncle Dave.

1231
01:04:44,710 --> 01:04:45,502
What?

1232
01:04:45,711 --> 01:04:47,546
I am sorry to inform you,

1233
01:04:48,589 --> 01:04:52,301
but that was never part
of the plan.

1234
01:04:57,515 --> 01:04:59,767
So what is the plan?

1235
01:04:59,975 --> 01:05:02,352
To end the world, of course.

1236
01:05:04,146 --> 01:05:05,856
You guys have issues, man.

1237
01:05:06,732 --> 01:05:07,607
Did you know about this?

1238
01:05:07,816 --> 01:05:08,816
No, I didn't fucking know about this.

1239
01:05:09,026 --> 01:05:10,944
- But he works for you.
- Apparently not.

1240
01:05:11,153 --> 01:05:13,321
Dah! I can hear you.

1241
01:05:13,530 --> 01:05:14,572
Richie, Richie.

1242
01:05:19,828 --> 01:05:21,454
Now it is time for the rest of you

1243
01:05:21,664 --> 01:05:24,375
to know the full extent of our plan.

1244
01:05:24,583 --> 01:05:28,086
This is why we need the Krotchy dolls.

1245
01:05:29,213 --> 01:05:31,757
What happens
up my ass stays up my ass.

1246
01:05:34,593 --> 01:05:37,095
The avian bird flu.

1247
01:05:37,304 --> 01:05:41,804
The plague for which the
western devil has no cure.

1248
01:05:42,685 --> 01:05:45,562
If these dolls are to be distributed

1249
01:05:45,771 --> 01:05:47,397
throughout the United States,

1250
01:05:47,606 --> 01:05:49,691
there will be death and destruction

1251
01:05:49,900 --> 01:05:51,985
beyond all comprehension!

1252
01:05:52,194 --> 01:05:54,905
Yeah!

1253
01:05:55,114 --> 01:05:56,782
That is what I'm talkin' about.

1254
01:05:59,076 --> 01:06:01,453
Hi, I'm Krotchy, I'm a boner.

1255
01:06:02,538 --> 01:06:05,624
So, to make a long story short,

1256
01:06:05,833 --> 01:06:08,001
the Taliban wanted to
get a hold of the flu,

1257
01:06:08,210 --> 01:06:09,294
and na-na na-na na-na na-na na,

1258
01:06:09,503 --> 01:06:10,670
and they were gonna spread it.

1259
01:06:10,879 --> 01:06:13,673
Well whatever, I mean, we
stopped them, right? We're good.

1260
01:06:13,882 --> 01:06:15,133
Exactly!

1261
01:06:15,342 --> 01:06:18,386
We stopped them so that we
could do it our own way.

1262
01:06:18,595 --> 01:06:20,054
What?

1263
01:06:20,264 --> 01:06:24,267
See, they only wanted to
spread it in the United States,

1264
01:06:24,476 --> 01:06:27,854
but in order to fulfill the
prophecy in Dave's bible,

1265
01:06:28,063 --> 01:06:31,941
we must wipe out the entire planet.

1266
01:06:32,151 --> 01:06:33,735
- He's fucking nuts.
- Mm-hmm.

1267
01:06:37,948 --> 01:06:40,075
Sorry, sweetie. God's orders.

1268
01:06:40,284 --> 01:06:41,994
Come on!

1269
01:06:42,202 --> 01:06:43,620
Yeah, look Richie.

1270
01:06:43,829 --> 01:06:46,164
I don't care how fucked up I was.

1271
01:06:46,373 --> 01:06:47,874
I never wrote anything about killing

1272
01:06:48,083 --> 01:06:49,250
everybody with bird flu.

1273
01:06:49,501 --> 01:06:51,377
Not precisely.

1274
01:06:51,587 --> 01:06:55,382
But when I read between
the lines.

1275
01:06:55,591 --> 01:06:58,260
I felt confident that
that's what you meant.

1276
01:06:58,510 --> 01:07:02,055
Which brings us to you, Mr. Verne Troyer!

1277
01:07:02,973 --> 01:07:05,809
If he wrote anything
about me in that bible,

1278
01:07:06,018 --> 01:07:07,769
we're gonna have some serious problems.

1279
01:07:07,978 --> 01:07:09,521
"And you shall know

1280
01:07:09,730 --> 01:07:12,732
when the final day of reckoning begins

1281
01:07:12,941 --> 01:07:15,193
because on that day a tiny entertainer

1282
01:07:17,821 --> 01:07:20,823
"will be raped by a thousand monkeys!"

1283
01:07:21,033 --> 01:07:23,618
That's it. I'm gonna
kick your fucking ass.

1284
01:07:23,827 --> 01:07:26,955
I'm sorry, little.

1285
01:07:27,164 --> 01:07:28,874
Enough! Enough!

1286
01:07:29,082 --> 01:07:30,374
Enough! Stop him!

1287
01:07:30,584 --> 01:07:32,502
We must do as God commands!

1288
01:07:32,711 --> 01:07:33,461
Oh! Goddamn it.

1289
01:07:33,670 --> 01:07:35,088
Hey, look man, you know what,

1290
01:07:35,297 --> 01:07:36,131
if it makes you feel better

1291
01:07:36,340 --> 01:07:39,051
I promise I'm never gonna smoke up again.

1292
01:07:39,259 --> 01:07:42,512
You are about to witness

1293
01:07:42,721 --> 01:07:44,013
the beginning of the end.

1294
01:07:45,808 --> 01:07:48,769
Bring on the monkeys!

1295
01:07:51,021 --> 01:07:52,939
Oh, not the monkeys.

1296
01:07:55,943 --> 01:07:56,902
Where'd you get so many monkeys?

1297
01:07:57,110 --> 01:07:57,819
I don't fucking know.

1298
01:07:58,028 --> 01:07:59,779
I got nothing to do with this shit.

1299
01:08:01,615 --> 01:08:02,866
Oh! Oh, shit.

1300
01:08:04,117 --> 01:08:05,117
Oh!

1301
01:08:09,456 --> 01:08:10,999
Please don't.

1302
01:08:11,208 --> 01:08:12,918
Don't get me into style, please!

1303
01:08:13,126 --> 01:08:16,045
All in all, this has really
not been a very pleasant day.

1304
01:08:17,005 --> 01:08:18,256
- Yeah.
- But.

1305
01:08:22,511 --> 01:08:25,263
Unfortunately, the desperate
nature of our situation

1306
01:08:25,472 --> 01:08:27,724
suggests that we may need another of us

1307
01:08:27,933 --> 01:08:32,433
to embrace martyrdom as we
bring our fight to the infidels.

1308
01:08:32,938 --> 01:08:35,023
Now, who amongst us,

1309
01:08:35,232 --> 01:08:37,734
will take that honor, today?

1310
01:08:43,282 --> 01:08:44,783
How about you, Mohammed?

1311
01:08:44,992 --> 01:08:46,076
You are so worthy.

1312
01:08:46,285 --> 01:08:48,620
Oh, thank you.

1313
01:08:48,870 --> 01:08:50,204
Thank you, very much.

1314
01:08:50,414 --> 01:08:52,791
And I would love to, I would love to.

1315
01:08:53,000 --> 01:08:55,961
Believe me, nobody more
than me would love to.

1316
01:08:56,169 --> 01:08:59,797
But unfortunately Osama
told me I couldn't.

1317
01:09:04,011 --> 01:09:06,138
- How about Abdul?
- Hey, let's go do some drugs.

1318
01:09:07,264 --> 01:09:11,643
Oh, that is a great
idea, a great idea, genius!

1319
01:09:11,852 --> 01:09:14,938
Of course, one must agree willingly.

1320
01:09:15,147 --> 01:09:19,609
Now, Abdul, if you don't want to be blown

1321
01:09:19,818 --> 01:09:22,862
into a tiny million
pieces, raise your hand,

1322
01:09:23,071 --> 01:09:24,989
hop on one foot, and sing "Free Bird."

1323
01:09:30,078 --> 01:09:31,746
Abdul it is.

1324
01:09:39,087 --> 01:09:41,964
Congratulations, my
brother, congratulations.

1325
01:09:42,174 --> 01:09:45,051
Now, if we just had Osama.

1326
01:09:46,303 --> 01:09:48,596
Does anybody know where the fuck he is?

1327
01:09:52,309 --> 01:09:55,186
So you can see that just by
changing the words you use,

1328
01:09:55,395 --> 01:09:58,815
you can motivate your
employees in all new ways.

1329
01:09:59,024 --> 01:10:03,403
If you master my 117 steps
to dominating your employees,

1330
01:10:03,612 --> 01:10:05,363
I personally guarantee
you will have a team

1331
01:10:05,572 --> 01:10:09,409
of little killer bees ready to
live or die at your command.

1332
01:10:10,452 --> 01:10:13,705
You can make them work for
72 hours straight at a time,

1333
01:10:13,914 --> 01:10:16,625
especially if you put
crystal meth in the water.

1334
01:10:16,833 --> 01:10:17,959
Now, some of you may be asking,

1335
01:10:18,168 --> 01:10:19,836
"Isn't crystal meth illegal?”

1336
01:10:20,045 --> 01:10:23,047
Technically, yes, but the
U.S. Air Force uses it

1337
01:10:23,256 --> 01:10:24,173
to fuel their pilots

1338
01:10:24,424 --> 01:10:26,717
when they're on night
missions over Afghanistan.

1339
01:10:26,927 --> 01:10:30,430
So it can't be that illegal
if the U.S. Air Force uses it.

1340
01:10:30,639 --> 01:10:34,309
Now, if you look at page
5, you'll see a cartoon.

1341
01:10:34,518 --> 01:10:36,895
"What's in that cartoon?" you say.

1342
01:10:37,103 --> 01:10:38,729
Well, that's for you to figure out.

1343
01:10:38,939 --> 01:10:40,273
Because humor in the workplace

1344
01:10:40,482 --> 01:10:42,734
is something else I
want you to think about.

1345
01:10:42,943 --> 01:10:44,694
If you can make your employees laugh,

1346
01:10:44,903 --> 01:10:46,487
they will be your slaves forever.

1347
01:10:46,738 --> 01:10:50,575
And you won't have to
use real chains.

1348
01:10:50,784 --> 01:10:53,286
Now, open up your workbooks to page 12.

1349
01:10:53,495 --> 01:10:55,872
"How to create and English accent.”

1350
01:10:58,124 --> 01:10:59,375
So, what now?

1351
01:11:00,752 --> 01:11:02,211
So you're just gonna shoot us?

1352
01:11:03,338 --> 01:11:06,174
Yeah, you know, I'm really sorry, man.

1353
01:11:06,383 --> 01:11:08,343
I mean, obviously, this is
some sort of misunderstanding,

1354
01:11:08,552 --> 01:11:10,971
but you can see where I kind of have to go

1355
01:11:11,179 --> 01:11:13,556
with it at this point, hm?

1356
01:11:13,765 --> 01:11:16,267
I mean, you're my nephew,
but these are my people.

1357
01:11:17,143 --> 01:11:18,853
Got to lead them to the Promised Land.

1358
01:11:19,062 --> 01:11:19,812
You're a douche.

1359
01:11:20,021 --> 01:11:21,689
- Not.
- Yeah.

1360
01:11:21,898 --> 01:11:25,651
Actually, the bible
doesn't say to kill you.

1361
01:11:30,615 --> 01:11:33,367
What the fuck, Richie? Come on, what?

1362
01:11:33,577 --> 01:11:36,538
I'm, I'm God on Earth, remember?
Read your fucking bible.

1363
01:11:36,746 --> 01:11:37,705
- Yeah.
- Right?

1364
01:11:37,914 --> 01:11:41,959
Like I said, when you
read between the lines,

1365
01:11:42,168 --> 01:11:45,713
it's remarkable how the meanings change.

1366
01:11:45,922 --> 01:11:49,550
Now, the way I read it was
God chose you as a pawn

1367
01:11:49,801 --> 01:11:52,094
to get this movement going.

1368
01:11:52,304 --> 01:11:55,682
But now it's time for
someone else to take charge,

1369
01:11:55,890 --> 01:11:58,517
someone

1370
01:11:59,477 --> 01:12:01,687
Who truly believes.

1371
01:12:04,941 --> 01:12:07,985
No, Richie.

1372
01:12:27,213 --> 01:12:28,797
Whoo! Whoo, whoo!

1373
01:12:37,182 --> 01:12:38,516
Fuck! Fuck me!

1374
01:12:40,602 --> 01:12:43,938
I'm fucking gay! Who the fuck knew?

1375
01:12:44,147 --> 01:12:47,233
I had no clue, man, but
this explains a lot.

1376
01:12:47,442 --> 01:12:51,320
Oh, I can finally learn to
love myself for who I am.

1377
01:12:51,571 --> 01:12:53,155
I'm a fucking chubby chaser, too!

1378
01:12:53,323 --> 01:12:56,826
Fuck it, man! This is great.

1379
01:12:57,035 --> 01:12:58,786
Ah! You know what?

1380
01:12:59,746 --> 01:13:02,290
Today is the start of my whole new life.

1381
01:13:13,593 --> 01:13:18,093
Mitzi.

1382
01:13:19,516 --> 01:13:20,850
Okay, so I'm bi.

1383
01:13:25,980 --> 01:13:26,980
Yuck!

1384
01:13:29,943 --> 01:13:30,943
You.

1385
01:13:33,279 --> 01:13:35,739
You we are grateful to,

1386
01:13:35,949 --> 01:13:39,744
so we will let you live

1387
01:13:39,953 --> 01:13:43,247
until the bird flu gets you,

1388
01:13:43,456 --> 01:13:46,584
or we can put you out of your
misery right now, either way!

1389
01:13:48,419 --> 01:13:52,919
Actually. Actually.

1390
01:13:53,258 --> 01:13:54,926
Uh, no.

1391
01:13:55,134 --> 01:13:58,178
Um, you have to leave me alive,

1392
01:14:00,056 --> 01:14:03,309
Richie, if you wanna have

1393
01:14:03,518 --> 01:14:06,646
your little apocalypse.

1394
01:14:09,023 --> 01:14:10,315
And why is that?

1395
01:14:10,525 --> 01:14:13,986
Uh, because I am the only guy

1396
01:14:14,195 --> 01:14:18,695
who knows where the truck
filled with bird flu is parked.

1397
01:14:26,708 --> 01:14:29,669
Yeah! That's clever!

1398
01:14:29,919 --> 01:14:34,419
That is clever! But
it's not insurmountable.

1399
01:14:34,757 --> 01:14:36,675
You didn't go far.

1400
01:14:36,885 --> 01:14:41,385
We'll just find it ourselves
and then we'll kill you!

1401
01:14:41,764 --> 01:14:43,348
Or not, remember?

1402
01:14:44,225 --> 01:14:46,602
The bible said that you
didn't have to kill me,

1403
01:14:46,811 --> 01:14:49,980
and you said you weren't
going to, and you killed Dave.

1404
01:14:50,189 --> 01:14:52,399
Yeah, but as soon as I said that,

1405
01:14:52,609 --> 01:14:56,112
I- I just, it, it, it just
was a lousy idea, so ha-ha.

1406
01:14:57,196 --> 01:14:59,698
Look, we'll be right back.

1407
01:15:02,118 --> 01:15:03,452
Get in there!

1408
01:15:05,872 --> 01:15:08,124
Girls! Clean up Uncle Dave!

1409
01:16:41,926 --> 01:16:43,677
What are you still doing here?

1410
01:16:44,637 --> 01:16:45,554
We're supposed to wait for Richard

1411
01:16:45,763 --> 01:16:47,097
to get back with the truck.

1412
01:16:47,974 --> 01:16:49,934
And then we eat the poison brownies

1413
01:16:50,143 --> 01:16:51,769
and ascend into Godhood.

1414
01:16:53,604 --> 01:16:56,565
Starr couldn't wait. She was on a cleanse.

1415
01:16:57,483 --> 01:16:59,818
Yeah, that all sounds
like a real good plan.

1416
01:17:01,070 --> 01:17:04,782
Me, I'm gonna go upstairs,

1417
01:17:06,075 --> 01:17:07,409
kill me some terrorists,

1418
01:17:08,494 --> 01:17:10,204
probably die in a hail of bullets.

1419
01:17:12,039 --> 01:17:14,875
If by some miracle I make it out alive,

1420
01:17:15,084 --> 01:17:17,878
I'm gonna find that fat
fuck of yours, Richard,

1421
01:17:18,087 --> 01:17:21,924
I'm gonna stick this machine
gun up his self-righteous ass.

1422
01:17:24,510 --> 01:17:25,510
Yeah.

1423
01:17:26,554 --> 01:17:28,347
Decisions, decisions.

1424
01:17:47,283 --> 01:17:51,495
This one, huh?

1425
01:17:58,419 --> 01:17:59,044
Mine.

1426
01:18:00,755 --> 01:18:01,380
Mine.

1427
01:18:02,924 --> 01:18:03,841
- Yours.
- What?

1428
01:18:04,050 --> 01:18:07,845
What did you say to me?

1429
01:18:08,054 --> 01:18:08,637
Oh, you are good.

1430
01:18:08,888 --> 01:18:10,639
- But you were better.
- I know.

1431
01:18:10,848 --> 01:18:14,184
Come on.

1432
01:18:16,479 --> 01:18:18,439
Let's go.

1433
01:18:18,648 --> 01:18:21,108
You cunning little bitch.

1434
01:18:21,942 --> 01:18:23,652
You're not retarded, are you?

1435
01:18:23,861 --> 01:18:25,195
You've just been faking it.

1436
01:18:30,951 --> 01:18:31,534
Mine!

1437
01:18:38,042 --> 01:18:39,168
They'll meet us later.

1438
01:18:47,301 --> 01:18:48,176
All right, ladies.

1439
01:18:48,386 --> 01:18:50,221
This is where we split up.

1440
01:18:50,429 --> 01:18:52,055
Go home to your families.

1441
01:18:52,264 --> 01:18:55,392
Think for yourselves,
and no more crazy cults

1442
01:18:55,601 --> 01:18:57,853
that look forward to the end of the world.

1443
01:18:58,062 --> 01:18:58,687
Don't worry.

1444
01:18:58,896 --> 01:19:01,064
We've decided to be
Christians from now on.

1445
01:19:02,525 --> 01:19:03,692
- Well.
- Yeah.

1446
01:19:13,494 --> 01:19:14,411
Wait a minute.

1447
01:19:14,620 --> 01:19:15,537
Wait a minute.

1448
01:19:15,746 --> 01:19:17,038
Hold on.

1449
01:19:17,248 --> 01:19:18,415
Hold on.

1450
01:19:18,624 --> 01:19:20,459
Why? Because you're married?

1451
01:19:20,668 --> 01:19:23,379
No, I just wanna give Karen a turn.

1452
01:19:23,587 --> 01:19:24,629
Oh.

1453
01:19:24,839 --> 01:19:25,839
- Hey.

1454
01:19:28,968 --> 01:19:32,721
Oh, thank God.

1455
01:19:43,649 --> 01:19:45,650
Paradise, here I come.

1456
01:19:50,489 --> 01:19:54,989
Speaking of wild shit, have
you seen that guy's wife?

1457
01:19:56,412 --> 01:19:57,830
Yeah, she's hard to miss.

1458
01:19:58,038 --> 01:19:59,038
Yeah.

1459
01:20:01,333 --> 01:20:03,293
She's
a good fuck, though.

1460
01:20:04,420 --> 01:20:06,922
- You fucked her?
- Several times.

1461
01:20:07,131 --> 01:20:09,007
She's got a clapper in her trailer.

1462
01:20:09,216 --> 01:20:12,177
The lights go on and off and on and off.

1463
01:20:12,386 --> 01:20:15,472
Makes you feel like a rock star!

1464
01:20:15,681 --> 01:20:18,058
- Let's go to the trailer.
- Ah, Roger!

1465
01:20:26,650 --> 01:20:28,985
Hey, it's the Postal Dude! Get him!

1466
01:20:33,699 --> 01:20:35,992
Go, go! Go!

1467
01:20:45,127 --> 01:20:47,420
Come on. Let's go, let's go!

1468
01:20:57,640 --> 01:20:58,640
Come on!

1469
01:21:07,274 --> 01:21:08,441
Come on, come on, you coward!

1470
01:21:08,651 --> 01:21:10,277
- Shoot him!
- Eat this! Come on!

1471
01:21:12,488 --> 01:21:13,530
<i>I'm sorry!</i>

1472
01:21:13,739 --> 01:21:17,576
Bye, cowards!

1473
01:21:53,862 --> 01:21:55,655
You are so hot.

1474
01:21:55,864 --> 01:21:58,116
And you turned into a crazy psychopath.

1475
01:21:59,785 --> 01:22:02,287
There were some pretty good reasons.

1476
01:22:02,496 --> 01:22:03,830
That's what they all say.

1477
01:22:04,707 --> 01:22:05,999
I have to destroy a postal truck

1478
01:22:06,208 --> 01:22:08,418
filled with lethal microbes
before a doomsday cult

1479
01:22:08,627 --> 01:22:10,170
or a terrorist group
gets their hands on it

1480
01:22:10,379 --> 01:22:11,588
and destroys the entire world.

1481
01:22:11,797 --> 01:22:13,965
Yeah, like I believe that.

1482
01:22:14,174 --> 01:22:15,758
Jihad!

1483
01:22:15,968 --> 01:22:20,468
Huh?

1484
01:22:22,015 --> 01:22:23,474
Okay, uh, where's that truck?

1485
01:22:30,691 --> 01:22:32,484
Great, okay.

1486
01:22:36,655 --> 01:22:39,324
Oh. I'm sorry, Mr. Laden.

1487
01:22:39,533 --> 01:22:41,743
It looks like your credit
card's been declined.

1488
01:22:41,952 --> 01:22:43,328
- What?
- It looks like

1489
01:22:43,537 --> 01:22:44,996
every free government on the planet

1490
01:22:45,205 --> 01:22:47,749
has frozen your assets.

1491
01:22:47,916 --> 01:22:49,000
Would you take a check?

1492
01:22:49,209 --> 01:22:51,920
Cash, American.

1493
01:22:52,129 --> 01:22:52,921
I'm a little short.

1494
01:22:53,130 --> 01:22:56,341
Sammy, we need you right away.

1495
01:22:56,550 --> 01:22:57,717
Do you have any cash?

1496
01:22:57,926 --> 01:22:58,926
No.

1497
01:23:03,098 --> 01:23:04,098
Run!

1498
01:23:05,601 --> 01:23:06,727
Freakin' Arabs.

1499
01:23:06,935 --> 01:23:10,063
Go back to Mecca and run
around your big black box!

1500
01:23:18,739 --> 01:23:20,157
Where are we going?

1501
01:23:20,365 --> 01:23:23,951
Some place where nobody
will notice a giant explosion.

1502
01:23:25,704 --> 01:23:27,372
Fuck her, Greg. Ja, come on.

1503
01:23:27,581 --> 01:23:28,707
Fuck her, Greg.

1504
01:23:28,916 --> 01:23:30,417
How's that, huh?

1505
01:23:31,335 --> 01:23:33,295
A little to the left, motherfucker.

1506
01:23:33,503 --> 01:23:36,923
Oh, oh, oh, okay, you right, you right.

1507
01:23:38,175 --> 01:23:38,800
Oh yeah.

1508
01:23:39,843 --> 01:23:40,885
Oh yeah!

1509
01:23:41,094 --> 01:23:42,970
Oh yeah! There you go!

1510
01:23:43,180 --> 01:23:44,264
Oh yeah!

1511
01:23:44,473 --> 01:23:47,851
Oh yeah! Yes!

1512
01:23:53,857 --> 01:23:55,024
Who is that?

1513
01:23:56,401 --> 01:23:58,194
My soon-to-be-ex-wife.

1514
01:23:58,403 --> 01:24:00,071
- Oh.
- Yeah, yeah!

1515
01:24:00,280 --> 01:24:02,573
- Oh yeah, yeah!
- Yeah, yeah!

1516
01:24:02,783 --> 01:24:03,867
- You like that?
- Yes!

1517
01:24:04,076 --> 01:24:06,495
Great job! A little faster.

1518
01:24:07,621 --> 01:24:09,456
That ought to do it.

1519
01:24:12,960 --> 01:24:13,627
All right.

1520
01:24:13,835 --> 01:24:15,253
Here, Champ! Come on, buddy.

1521
01:24:16,797 --> 01:24:17,631
Champ?

1522
01:24:17,839 --> 01:24:20,841
Come on! Ah, poop.

1523
01:24:21,009 --> 01:24:22,510
Let's get out of here.

1524
01:24:22,719 --> 01:24:23,719
All right.

1525
01:24:28,976 --> 01:24:30,060
Too late.

1526
01:24:36,191 --> 01:24:38,109
What the fuck was that?

1527
01:24:52,249 --> 01:24:53,249
I love you, Greggie.

1528
01:24:53,458 --> 01:24:54,500
I love you, too.

1529
01:24:56,878 --> 01:24:57,712
Man!

1530
01:25:01,299 --> 01:25:02,883
Go back! Go back!

1531
01:25:10,183 --> 01:25:12,768
Okay, before we do this.

1532
01:25:12,978 --> 01:25:13,937
Let's remember

1533
01:25:14,146 --> 01:25:16,106
what we learned from the pamphlets

1534
01:25:16,314 --> 01:25:17,815
from the seminar, okay?

1535
01:25:18,024 --> 01:25:21,152
That true change starts from within.

1536
01:25:21,361 --> 01:25:22,653
Okay? Also.

1537
01:25:26,158 --> 01:25:27,325
We learned from the seminar

1538
01:25:27,534 --> 01:25:30,828
that true strength comes in numbers!

1539
01:25:31,037 --> 01:25:32,037
Okay, also.

1540
01:25:32,956 --> 01:25:33,873
Fuck you!

1541
01:25:37,002 --> 01:25:39,337
That if you want
something to be done right,

1542
01:25:39,546 --> 01:25:41,130
you do it yourself!

1543
01:25:44,384 --> 01:25:45,927
So, let's do it!

1544
01:25:46,094 --> 01:25:47,970
- All right!
- Good!

1545
01:25:55,645 --> 01:25:56,645
Hey!

1546
01:25:59,775 --> 01:26:03,195
Goddamn it! Get the hell off my property!

1547
01:26:08,992 --> 01:26:11,452
Motherfucking piece of shit!

1548
01:26:17,334 --> 01:26:20,253
Hand over the avian flu, infidel!

1549
01:26:23,465 --> 01:26:26,217
Hello? That's their truck, right?

1550
01:26:35,060 --> 01:26:38,021
Oh, there he is, the
guy who killed Uncle Dave.

1551
01:26:41,316 --> 01:26:44,235
We must rebalance our energies
by cutting out his spleen!

1552
01:26:49,074 --> 01:26:52,035
God fucking sucker fucker!

1553
01:26:52,244 --> 01:26:53,411
Okay. Let's.

1554
01:26:54,496 --> 01:26:57,498
Bomb! Bomb!

1555
01:26:57,707 --> 01:26:59,375
Bomb! B-b-b-b-bomb!

1556
01:26:59,584 --> 01:27:00,960
Bomb!

1557
01:27:01,169 --> 01:27:03,337
Hold up! Fuck!

1558
01:27:04,631 --> 01:27:08,593
Big bomb that could take
out a whole city block bomb.

1559
01:27:11,805 --> 01:27:13,723
Do I have your attention?

1560
01:27:28,446 --> 01:27:29,405
Get down here!

1561
01:27:29,614 --> 01:27:31,240
What is wrong with you people?

1562
01:27:32,492 --> 01:27:35,203
You're so busy trying to blow up the world

1563
01:27:35,412 --> 01:27:36,579
in the name of God.

1564
01:27:36,788 --> 01:27:40,708
News flash, fucktards, God
doesn't need your help.

1565
01:27:40,917 --> 01:27:44,920
He's God!

1566
01:27:45,130 --> 01:27:46,464
And he, she, it,

1567
01:27:49,009 --> 01:27:50,343
they gave you life.

1568
01:27:52,762 --> 01:27:54,138
And you're wasting it.

1569
01:27:56,516 --> 01:27:58,184
Look around you. Look.

1570
01:28:00,645 --> 01:28:02,104
Look, goddamn it!

1571
01:28:07,610 --> 01:28:10,321
See?

1572
01:28:10,530 --> 01:28:11,739
We're not that different

1573
01:28:14,034 --> 01:28:16,911
'cause we all come from the same family

1574
01:28:17,120 --> 01:28:18,704
known as humanity.

1575
01:28:21,624 --> 01:28:22,875
Now, what do families do?

1576
01:28:24,544 --> 01:28:27,380
Do they fight? Yeah, sure.

1577
01:28:27,589 --> 01:28:30,967
But they work it out 'cause
they love each other,

1578
01:28:31,176 --> 01:28:33,761
and they know that they're
stuck with each other,

1579
01:28:33,970 --> 01:28:35,554
just like all of us are,

1580
01:28:36,765 --> 01:28:40,727
here on this crazy big mud ball

1581
01:28:40,935 --> 01:28:42,019
called Earth.

1582
01:28:47,358 --> 01:28:48,817
So, come on, people.

1583
01:28:49,944 --> 01:28:53,238
Let's try and find some
common ground, huh?

1584
01:28:54,449 --> 01:28:57,702
Uh, well, we all hate Jews!

1585
01:29:00,497 --> 01:29:01,623
Yeah, well, everybody knows that, yeah.

1586
01:29:01,831 --> 01:29:05,042
No, no, no, no, not a hate thing.

1587
01:29:05,251 --> 01:29:06,502
Ah, sh.

1588
01:29:06,711 --> 01:29:07,878
A happy thing.

1589
01:29:10,006 --> 01:29:10,840
I don't get it.

1590
01:29:11,049 --> 01:29:15,011
I think it's time to
empty our hands of guns

1591
01:29:16,763 --> 01:29:21,263
so we can fill our hands with hugs.

1592
01:29:28,149 --> 01:29:31,318
If you wanna waste this
precious gift we call life,

1593
01:29:33,321 --> 01:29:34,321
I can't stop you.

1594
01:29:38,034 --> 01:29:39,034
So, go ahead.

1595
01:29:40,286 --> 01:29:41,286
Shoot.

1596
01:29:42,330 --> 01:29:43,330
Or

1597
01:29:48,044 --> 01:29:49,044
Hug.

1598
01:29:53,299 --> 01:29:54,425
Shoot him.

1599
01:29:55,552 --> 01:29:57,553
Oh, you motherfuckers!

1600
01:30:05,186 --> 01:30:08,022
Goddamn!

1601
01:30:22,078 --> 01:30:23,537
I'm starting to get pissed.

1602
01:30:28,293 --> 01:30:29,585
Greggie, I'm still wet, though!

1603
01:30:29,794 --> 01:30:30,920
Just plug that little thing in.

1604
01:30:31,129 --> 01:30:32,463
I'll be there in one second.

1605
01:30:47,895 --> 01:30:51,565
You've got to be fucking kidding me.

1606
01:30:59,407 --> 01:31:03,907
You like that?

1607
01:31:20,428 --> 01:31:22,805
Hey, Mo, save some virgins for me.

1608
01:31:44,160 --> 01:31:46,537
Please insert
an additional 25 cents

1609
01:31:46,746 --> 01:31:49,248
to complete your long-distance call.

1610
01:32:03,930 --> 01:32:05,139
Hello, this is George W. Bush.

1611
01:32:05,348 --> 01:32:08,184
It's Osama. I need some help, man!

1612
01:32:08,392 --> 01:32:10,310
Hi, there, Osama. How are ya?

1613
01:32:10,520 --> 01:32:11,312
You got to speak up, George.

1614
01:32:11,521 --> 01:32:12,939
I can't hear you over the gunfire.

1615
01:32:13,147 --> 01:32:14,022
- Hmm?
- Gunfire.

1616
01:32:14,273 --> 01:32:17,192
I'm trapped in a trailer
park in Paradise City.

1617
01:32:17,401 --> 01:32:18,652
I'm here for you, buddy.

1618
01:32:18,861 --> 01:32:20,279
We got you on satellite.

1619
01:32:20,488 --> 01:32:23,032
Should I send a couple
cruise missiles down there?

1620
01:32:23,241 --> 01:32:25,660
Oh!

1621
01:32:25,868 --> 01:32:26,994
No! I

1622
01:32:27,203 --> 01:32:29,622
Please insert
an additional 25 cents

1623
01:32:29,831 --> 01:32:32,959
to continue your long-distance call.

1624
01:32:33,167 --> 01:32:36,503
I was thinking
maybe a helicopter

1625
01:32:36,712 --> 01:32:38,296
to come pick me up.

1626
01:32:38,506 --> 01:32:39,840
Hey, that, that could work.

1627
01:32:40,049 --> 01:32:41,925
Uh, there's a field just south of you.

1628
01:32:42,134 --> 01:32:44,177
I'll, I'll pick you up there.

1629
01:32:44,387 --> 01:32:45,930
Aw, thanks, Georgie.

1630
01:32:46,138 --> 01:32:47,848
-I, um.
- Yes?

1631
01:32:49,475 --> 01:32:51,268
I just wish I knew how to quit ya.

1632
01:32:59,986 --> 01:33:00,611
Damn!

1633
01:33:17,795 --> 01:33:22,295
Shit!

1634
01:33:27,972 --> 01:33:30,891
No hand-to-hand combat,
no hand-to-hand combat.

1635
01:33:36,772 --> 01:33:40,692
No, no, no!

1636
01:33:46,991 --> 01:33:47,991
Hello.

1637
01:33:49,160 --> 01:33:51,120
Internal Revenue Service, Frank Dumont.

1638
01:33:51,329 --> 01:33:54,540
We're here to conduct an
audit on a Mr. David Clark.

1639
01:33:55,499 --> 01:33:58,293
You are American government?

1640
01:33:58,502 --> 01:33:59,169
Yes, sir.

1641
01:33:59,378 --> 01:34:00,420
Is Mr. Clark at home?

1642
01:34:01,589 --> 01:34:03,424
Hold on one moment, government man.

1643
01:34:04,342 --> 01:34:07,595
I have someone to speak to you.

1644
01:34:11,057 --> 01:34:12,600
Unauthorized fruit sales.

1645
01:34:13,476 --> 01:34:14,977
I should have brought that dip.

1646
01:34:18,689 --> 01:34:22,609
- Jihad! Jihad!
- Ji, oh, yeah.

1647
01:34:22,818 --> 01:34:23,818
Jihad, yeah.

1648
01:34:25,112 --> 01:34:28,031
Abdul! Abdul, where is your belt?

1649
01:34:30,159 --> 01:34:32,619
You're not wearing your explosive belt.

1650
01:34:37,333 --> 01:34:38,792
We're taking the cop car.

1651
01:34:46,092 --> 01:34:48,511
Abdul.

1652
01:34:48,761 --> 01:34:51,847
Lorraine, Lorraine, stop
licking your own asshole, okay?

1653
01:34:52,056 --> 01:34:53,140
You're my publisher.

1654
01:34:53,349 --> 01:34:54,975
You tell them that this is a prime example

1655
01:34:55,184 --> 01:34:56,476
of why everybody should buy my book,

1656
01:34:56,685 --> 01:34:57,477
"How to fire an employee

1657
01:34:57,686 --> 01:34:59,646
"without making him go
postal,”" because I'm a f

1658
01:35:07,488 --> 01:35:09,281
{

1659
01:35:18,207 --> 01:35:19,666
You ruined everything!

1660
01:35:22,795 --> 01:35:24,379
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

1661
01:35:25,631 --> 01:35:27,215
Don't be a dick.

1662
01:35:27,424 --> 01:35:28,925
- No!
- Dick.

1663
01:35:50,447 --> 01:35:51,447
Did you?

1664
01:35:52,157 --> 01:35:54,242
Champ! Hey, buddy.

1665
01:35:54,451 --> 01:35:55,451
Hey! Hey!

1666
01:35:57,037 --> 01:35:58,913
I thought I smelled poo-poo breath.

1667
01:36:01,292 --> 01:36:02,876
- Ladies and gentlemen-
- Nice to see you, pal.

1668
01:36:03,085 --> 01:36:04,711
We're interrupting
our regular broadcast

1669
01:36:04,962 --> 01:36:07,422
to take you live for this
emergency announcement

1670
01:36:07,631 --> 01:36:08,631
from the President.

1671
01:36:12,219 --> 01:36:12,928
This is the President

1672
01:36:13,137 --> 01:36:14,847
of the United States of America.

1673
01:36:16,015 --> 01:36:17,725
CIA Intelligence has confirmed

1674
01:36:17,933 --> 01:36:20,810
that the governments of China and India

1675
01:36:21,020 --> 01:36:23,856
were directly responsible
for the terrorist cell

1676
01:36:24,064 --> 01:36:26,149
recently uncovered in Paradise.

1677
01:36:27,776 --> 01:36:30,612
Worse still, they
continue to make T-shirts

1678
01:36:30,821 --> 01:36:32,280
for well under a dollar.

1679
01:36:33,282 --> 01:36:35,033
In response, we've been forced

1680
01:36:35,242 --> 01:36:38,620
to destroy both countries
with nuclear force.

1681
01:36:38,829 --> 01:36:42,207
China, despite all our
freedom-loving efforts,

1682
01:36:42,416 --> 01:36:45,836
was able to send 30
atomic warheads our way.

1683
01:36:50,341 --> 01:36:53,552
They should hit in a
little under two minutes.

1684
01:36:53,761 --> 01:36:55,012
I wish you all the best of luck

1685
01:36:55,220 --> 01:36:59,474
with your future endeavors,
and God bless America.

1686
01:37:07,900 --> 01:37:08,900
Well?

1687
01:37:13,822 --> 01:37:15,031
I regret nothing.

1688
01:37:15,908 --> 01:37:17,075
You know what? Forget the stuff.

1689
01:37:17,284 --> 01:37:18,076
- Ah!
- Oh!

1690
01:37:18,285 --> 01:37:19,160
What are you doing?

1691
01:37:19,370 --> 01:37:20,662
Don't you normally get out of here?

1692
01:37:23,916 --> 01:37:26,335
Come on. Should I get my.

1693
01:37:26,543 --> 01:37:27,335
Let's go out!

1694
01:38:40,033 --> 01:38:42,076
Georgie, I think
this is the beginning

1695
01:38:42,286 --> 01:38:43,870
of a beautiful friendship.

1696
01:42:02,402 --> 01:42:06,902
Attention,
residents of the planet Earth!

1697
01:42:07,699 --> 01:42:10,618
Don't miss the sale of the century.

1698
01:42:11,620 --> 01:42:14,164
With the purchase of one clone,

1699
01:42:14,372 --> 01:42:16,707
get a second clone for free!

1700
01:42:24,382 --> 01:42:27,426
Remember, there's no business

1701
01:42:27,636 --> 01:42:29,304
like clone business.

1702
01:44:47,442 --> 01:44:50,862
Attention, residents of the planet Earth!

1703
01:44:52,822 --> 01:44:55,741
Don't miss the sale of the century.

1704
01:44:56,701 --> 01:44:59,203
With the purchase of one clone,

1705
01:44:59,412 --> 01:45:01,747
get a second clone for free!

1706
01:45:09,505 --> 01:45:12,466
Remember, there's no business

1707
01:45:12,675 --> 01:45:14,343
like clone business.