1 00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,540 Son of a gun 2 00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:49,250 ♪ You walked into the party ♪ 3 00:00:49,317 --> 00:00:53,654 ♪ Like you were ♪ ♪ Walking onto a yacht ♪ 4 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:58,859 ♪ Your hat strategically dipped ♪ ♪ Below one eye ♪ 5 00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:02,896 ♪ Your scarf, it was apricot ♪ 6 00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:07,535 ♪ You had one eye In the mirror ♪ 7 00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:12,039 ♪ As you watched yourself Gavotte ♪ 8 00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:13,774 ♪ And all the girls... ♪ 9 00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:16,610 Question: How does a girl who falls... 10 00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,446 No, actually, she jumps, 11 00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:22,283 eyes open, down a rabbit hole, plummeting into chaos, 12 00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:24,918 come out the other end unchanged? 13 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,421 The answer? 14 00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:29,022 She doesn't. 15 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:35,296 See, I know, because that girl is me. 16 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:39,066 ♪ You're so vain ♪ 17 00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:43,604 ♪ You probably think ♪ ♪ This song is about you ♪ 18 00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:46,874 ♪ You're so vain ♪ ♪ So vain ♪ 19 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,776 ♪ I'll bet you think this song... ♪ 20 00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:51,712 But to truly understand the predicament I was in, 21 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,182 i.e., stuck in the middle of chaos... 22 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:56,384 ...you'd have to go back 23 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,352 to that first day at my new job. 24 00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,354 Actually, to be fair, 25 00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,390 you should go back a little further, 26 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:03,857 starting with Mom. 27 00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:06,360 Don't worry, I'm not blaming her... 28 00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:07,695 entirely. 29 00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,832 She believed that all problems could be solved 30 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,501 by listening to Carly Simon. 31 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,903 Greatest Hits. 32 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,306 Side two. Hurry. 33 00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:25,446 My father sits at night With no lights on... 34 00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:29,317 Something about her voice or her lyrics or her music 35 00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:31,585 helped Mom clear the chaos, 36 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:35,088 especially after a fight with Dad... 37 00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:38,859 ...or when he left us for good. 38 00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,430 People said Mom was better off 39 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,897 They said she was lucky. 40 00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,466 But she believed... 41 00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:51,405 Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. 42 00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:53,707 You've got to prepare for the life you want. 43 00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,277 And though I knew I wanted a career 44 00:02:56,344 --> 00:02:57,711 in broadcast journalism, 45 00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:00,147 it took a little Carly and a lot of time 46 00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:02,783 to find the person I most wanted to work with... 47 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,084 But she is smart... 48 00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:05,486 ...Diane Sawyer. 49 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:08,722 Chic, smart, intelligent... 50 00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,891 And she married well. Good point. 51 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:13,193 She's a little beige. 52 00:03:13,261 --> 00:03:16,163 No, no. She's taupe. Taupe is never beige. 53 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:18,699 Taupe's classic, confident. 54 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,501 It says, "I'm elegant." 55 00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,102 "And I don't need color to prove it." 56 00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:23,471 There you go. 57 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,873 Oh, I want to work with her one day. 58 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,509 You should work with her. I will work with her. 59 00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:31,912 With my career decided, I left for college, 60 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:35,215 hopeful I would meet someone I could be certain of. 61 00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:37,818 Phillip. Sean. Bruce. Jeremy. Gideon. Noah. 62 00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:40,788 Mudfoot. Dan. Trotsky. Earl. Frank. Brian. Bean. 63 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,089 Bean? As in, "How have you...?" 64 00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:43,524 Bean. Yeah. 65 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,992 I really, really like him, Mom. 66 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,126 You do? 67 00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:49,062 Yeah, I do. I think I do. Maybe. 68 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,364 Don't over-commit yourself 69 00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:53,200 unless you are absolutely certain. 70 00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:56,570 You've got to prepare for the life you want. 71 00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:59,072 Again, I turned to Carly. 72 00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:03,377 Nobody does it better 73 00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:06,914 Makes me feel sad 74 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,782 For the rest 75 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:14,488 Nobody does it Half as good as you... 76 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:16,790 And while my roommates weren't as understanding 77 00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:18,225 as I'd hoped... 78 00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:19,927 Is that Stacy again? Come back to bed. 79 00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,629 ...it did bring certainty. 80 00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:22,996 I'm sorry, Bean. 81 00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:25,699 We have only but one road to travel in this life, 82 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,068 and I just don't think we're on the same one. 83 00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:29,937 So to get more involved, 84 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,839 or for me to over-commit myself, 85 00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:33,474 would just lead to chaos. 86 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:34,808 But how do you know? 87 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:37,110 I am certain. 88 00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:42,015 I mean, what if you're wrong? 89 00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:44,084 What if we're supposed to be together? 90 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:46,887 What if you just made the biggest mistake of your life? 91 00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:49,823 Stacy, honey! 92 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,725 Smile. 93 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,126 There are moments in life 94 00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,896 where you hope your decisions weren't rash. 95 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,366 Bean! Bean! 96 00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:01,569 And moments where you just know. 97 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,036 Stacy. Derek. 98 00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:05,138 Nice to meet you. Yeah, ditto. 99 00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:07,808 I had met my life mate. 100 00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,010 I was certain. 101 00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:16,384 That's good. Guys. 102 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,851 Yes? The bar's closed. 103 00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:22,423 What are you doing?! 104 00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:24,892 That first year of our relationship was amazing. 105 00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:29,630 We were in sync, inseparable and in love. 106 00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:34,768 And though I technically still lived with Mom, 107 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:38,238 I was spending practically all my time at Derek's. 108 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,376 My life was going according to plan. 109 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:43,577 Sort of. 110 00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,746 Derek! Bob! Bob! 111 00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:47,280 Professionally speaking, 112 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:50,017 I was the go-to girl in a dead-end job. 113 00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,753 I mean, you can only work your way up for so long. 114 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,154 Right? 115 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:55,789 It was time to move on. 116 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:59,259 And while Diane Sawyer was still out of reach, 117 00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:02,596 television personality Kippie Kann wasn't. 118 00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:07,701 The grand dame of daytime talk needed an associate producer. 119 00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:08,802 Me. 120 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,004 It was a match made in Trenton 121 00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:13,607 Which pretty much brings us up to speed. 122 00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:15,476 Ira Nachlis. Follow. 123 00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:17,878 The beginning of the end. 124 00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:19,613 Day one. 125 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,482 Oi. Er... 126 00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:25,486 Tight on space, but your desk is right next to 127 00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:27,621 Barb. - Campbell-hyphen-Dunn. 128 00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:29,156 Hi. Hi. 129 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,058 Meet our new associate producer, Stacy Hoyt. 130 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,926 Holt. Whatever. 131 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:35,128 Put your stuff down and I'll take you to the taping. 132 00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:36,697 Okay. 133 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,499 We got pictures of six different strippers he's been with. 134 00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:39,733 Cheating bastard. 135 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,969 They call it "fluffing." Prepping the guests. 136 00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,605 Yeah, we got proof. Go on now, be strong... and violent. 137 00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:46,807 By the time they're on they're ready to go nine rounds. 138 00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:48,241 You'll see. 139 00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:50,243 So there's two shows today, 9 and 3. 140 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:52,012 Nine is "Cheating Bastards." My idea. 141 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,413 Hey, I owe you one, Bea. 142 00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:54,682 Oh, no problem. 143 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,884 That's a great idea. Thanks. 144 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,987 Why aren't you producing? I am. Carl just takes credit. 145 00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:02,723 Deep breath. 146 00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:04,357 And showtime. 147 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:09,797 Pathway, people. I'm on my way, on my way. 148 00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,198 Hi. 149 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,266 Anybody have tickets for Thomas Oglestein? 150 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:16,704 Uh, I haven't proofed these yet They look okay to you? 151 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,506 Did you use the words "dope," "dog" and "stripper" 152 00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:19,640 at least five times? 153 00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:20,741 Yeah. They're fine. 154 00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:21,842 They're fine. 155 00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,644 Good lord, is it just me? 156 00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:25,879 I think a horse in Montana is missing his feedbag. 157 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,148 I just got word we're about ready to start, 158 00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,617 but before we do, 159 00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:31,552 I'd like you all to get to know one another. 160 00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:33,353 If everyone could turn to the person behind them 161 00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:35,255 and shake hands, that would be great. 162 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,326 You guys are not that bright. We are really gonna start... 163 00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,028 I lost my scream. 164 00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:42,162 What? 165 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,131 I have doorbell, buzzer, rapidly-beating heart... 166 00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,667 But no scream, no show! No scream, no show! 167 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,136 Go, Barb. 168 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,374 Run title. 169 00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:56,777 Stand by, DP. 170 00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,680 - Thanks, Barb. - Did we get that? 171 00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:01,081 And cue applause. 172 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,951 - Standing by. - Stand by, Kippie. 173 00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,787 Go gray, and cue Kippie. 174 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,427 There she is! 175 00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:23,470 Hey, nice to see you. 176 00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,338 Hey, hello. 177 00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:28,041 Hello. 178 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,578 She's getting ahead of you. Stand by, camera three. 179 00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:31,679 Stand by, three. 180 00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,080 Camera three. 181 00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:34,582 Carl, what are you looking at? 182 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:35,783 Four next. 183 00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:42,122 Welcome to Kippie Kann Do! 184 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:45,025 Today we're putting the dogs to the ultimate test. 185 00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:47,127 Is your man a cheating bastard? 186 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:48,662 No! 187 00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:49,930 Then he'll have to pass 188 00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:52,032 the Kippie Kann Lie Detector to prove it. 189 00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:53,366 Phil, camera two. 190 00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:54,968 Camera two, ready? 191 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,103 Cue doorbell. 192 00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,938 Cue scream. 193 00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,072 Better get that. 194 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,341 Yeah, bring it on, sucker! 195 00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:03,811 What up? What! 196 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,112 Cue apes. 197 00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,014 Apes? Security. 198 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,515 Oh. Hoo-hoo. 199 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,585 Yeah, represent! 200 00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,991 What? What? What? Unh! 201 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,660 Rapper Boy Taye. Yeah. 202 00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,294 Why do you think you're here? 203 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:22,663 I'm here because 204 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,632 my woman's getting a hot hoochie-mama makeover. 205 00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,734 - Camera four. - I'd do her. 206 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,603 There is some kind of critter under the table. 207 00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,371 It's either a rat... 208 00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:34,775 My sister saw you humping on a dirty-girl stripper. 209 00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,309 Dirty-girl stripper? 210 00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:38,846 You crazy! I never been with no stripper. 211 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,049 That ain't your grandma. 212 00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,984 That ain't me. - Liar! 213 00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:46,754 You stupider than you look! No, you didn't! 214 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:49,056 What are you, crazy? 215 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,423 You a dirty dog. 216 00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:51,825 Now, let's not rush to judgment. 217 00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,927 Are you willing to prove it, Taye? 218 00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:56,964 Yeah. What do you say, audience? 219 00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,466 Prove it! Prove it! Prove it! Prove it! 220 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:00,901 Prove it! Prove it! 221 00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:08,175 I've got nothing. Lori, what's up? 222 00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,410 Another guest? 223 00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,012 Do we have the right running order? 224 00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:13,146 Should we have someone? 225 00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:14,715 Who's up? 226 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,183 I'm sorry. I don't have this. 227 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:18,986 Whoa! 228 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:21,321 Hello? Anyone there? 229 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:23,090 Oh, Jesus. Kippie's gonna... 230 00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:25,225 [MIC SLAMS, FEEDBACK SCREECHES Thar she blows. 231 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:26,426 Kippie can't keep covering, Carl! 232 00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:27,861 Good girl. 233 00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,229 Is anybody running anything in the booth, 234 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:30,630 or is it just me down here by myself? 235 00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:32,866 I'm all alone down here! 236 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,501 What are you guys doing. You're crazy! 237 00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,170 What was the problem, Phil? 238 00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:41,441 Oh, shoot! There it is. It's a big one! 239 00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:47,147 Okay, people, lots to do. We've got two shows today. 240 00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:50,617 But first I want to say hello to our new associate producer, 241 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,352 our little doorbell-ringer herself, 242 00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:53,420 Stacy Holt. 243 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,654 What's up, girl? 244 00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:56,656 Just kidding, Stace. Just a little fun. 245 00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:58,892 Welcome to our little thing. 246 00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:01,528 Katie, you want to show them the... 247 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:04,064 Take a look at our new look. 248 00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:06,900 You've got to be kidding. 249 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:10,170 "Kippie Kann keeps competitors crying..." 250 00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:12,005 He's bringing back the hard K's. 251 00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,240 The what? 252 00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:14,808 Keep going, Katie, keep going. 253 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:17,410 It was her thing, you know? Like a trademark. 254 00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:19,980 "...creatively, while keeping keen on..." 255 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:22,282 But that was a million years ago. 256 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,550 Nostalgia, folks. 257 00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:26,553 Hearkens back to a simpler time. They eat it up. 258 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,288 Like when Captain Kangaroo was king 259 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,023 and Casey Kasem was still in kindergarten. 260 00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,892 Casey Kasem? He's nuts. 261 00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:33,293 Who invented reality? 262 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,561 We did. 263 00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:36,563 So keep those hard K's coming on the cue cards. 264 00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:38,165 Kip, you should be in makeup, kiddo. 265 00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:39,499 Cut the K's, Carl. 266 00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:40,734 It's cute, it's Kippie... 267 00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:41,835 It's crap! 268 00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:43,103 Capisce? 269 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:45,338 Here's the thing. 270 00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:48,175 That orchid on the desk, well, I just got it. 271 00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:51,812 Which can only mean it's a new picture. 272 00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:53,713 Let me see that. 273 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:54,948 She's right. 274 00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:56,616 This cruelty cannot continue. 275 00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:57,851 Katie... Carl. 276 00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,086 Kippie. 277 00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:00,754 If somebody has a problem with me, 278 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:02,555 just tell me straight up. Otherwise... 279 00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,892 You get canned! With a C. 280 00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:09,162 Kippie, to makeup. 281 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,098 Good girl. - I told you. 282 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:14,601 I'll do my best to catch the culprit, Kippie. 283 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,537 Thank you... um... 284 00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,606 Ira. 285 00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:21,909 Nachlis. 286 00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:24,311 Nice to meet you. 287 00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,582 I've worked here for three years. 288 00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:33,120 Okay, people! Need your focus right here! 289 00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:34,788 It's all about sweeps. 290 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:38,325 Give me drama, pathos, life unfolding. 291 00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:40,427 Make me cry. 292 00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:43,030 Ira, regurgitate something fresh. 293 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,298 "Midget Holiday Hell." 294 00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:46,366 Stinks. 295 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:47,801 Come on, give it to Daddy. 296 00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,769 "My Boyfriend's a Girl." "Parents Who Party." 297 00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:51,771 Who do they party with? You're rejecting the midgets? 298 00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:53,006 Midgets. What? 299 00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:54,541 Mixed parents. Happy mixed parents. 300 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:55,976 One normal size... 301 00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:58,445 One midget? Sexy. I like it. 302 00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:00,247 Those midgets are mine! 303 00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:01,548 You can't corner the midget market! 304 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,516 Besides, yours only party during holidays, 305 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:04,852 mine party as a family. 306 00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,887 Are they a happy family? It'd make you cry. 307 00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,288 Kippie is great with sentiment 308 00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:09,656 Okay, give me that thing. 309 00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:11,458 Don't... Get back in the chair. Don't touch it. 310 00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:12,860 He has no happy, mixed midgets! 311 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,661 Gentlemen, please! 312 00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:15,996 We combine the segments, 313 00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:17,597 we share the credit and the midgets. 314 00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:20,567 We work together here, people. We are a team. 315 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:21,801 "Grandma's a Hooker." 316 00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:22,970 You got a grandma? 317 00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:24,938 Several. Run the prep. 318 00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:26,806 - "Pregnant Strippers." - "Penitentiary Porn." 319 00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:27,941 "Little Black Books." 320 00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,076 Do not follow. 321 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,511 Electronic little black books. 322 00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:32,946 As in? 323 00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:36,216 As in Palms, BlackBerries, desk organizers. 324 00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:38,685 Electronic footprints 325 00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:41,221 of where your man has been and with whom. 326 00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,756 I don't think that... Under the right circumstances, 327 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,658 they could prove to be a girl's best friend. 328 00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:48,795 Especially a... A scorned girlfriend, wife, mistress... 329 00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,263 I think it's a fantastic idea. 330 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,531 Thank you! 331 00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:53,934 And since our audience is 90 percent female... 332 00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,302 Sexy. Run the prep. 333 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,037 Let's go! Come on. 334 00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:58,171 "Pregnant Strippers." "Black Midgets With Books." 335 00:13:58,238 --> 00:13:59,239 "Hillbilly Love." 336 00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:00,507 "Unnatural Animal Love." 337 00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:01,608 Yes. 338 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,144 "Literacy in Inner-City Schools." 339 00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:06,279 Shit! Take it back! Take it back! 340 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,081 She was just kidding. - That's funny. 341 00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,317 And I tried to pretend I was. 342 00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:14,321 First the doorbell, then the staff meeting. 343 00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:16,289 I'm absolutely mortified. 344 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,791 Don't worry. No one will even remember. 345 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,660 You can ring my bell 346 00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,695 Hey, hey, stop it. Ring my bell 347 00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:23,897 She's really upset. 348 00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,798 Oh, please. I'm the only victim here. 349 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,168 Why should I be forced to share credit with...? 350 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,171 Not fair. 351 00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:33,606 Your midget idea was tired. His twist made it different. 352 00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:35,575 Thanks. I feel so much better. 353 00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:37,344 If you make sweeps even with shared credit, 354 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,811 that's a huge deal. 355 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,948 I happen to know that the people from Harpo, 356 00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,182 Oprah's group, 357 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:43,516 TiVo every one of our shows. 358 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:44,717 For what it's worth, 359 00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,319 I really like your "Little Black Book" idea. 360 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,554 Really? 361 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,122 Yeah. So don't cry in my soup. 362 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:52,259 So how does it all work exactly? 363 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:53,860 You put your best shows in sweeps. 364 00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:56,196 The most outrageous, the most provocative. 365 00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:57,597 You know, attention-grabbers. 366 00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,232 And then they promo the hell out of it. 367 00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:00,934 It's all about getting eyeballs, to get numbers, 368 00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,569 to get revenue, to get renewed. 369 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,037 We're beginning sweeps now, 370 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:05,705 so things are pretty much in the can. 371 00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:07,640 So, what was pitched today? 372 00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:09,042 June sluts. 373 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:11,511 Slots. Of which we average nine a month. 374 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,346 "We" being the drones, the APs. 375 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,715 Every time an AP gets a slut... Slot. It's a notch. 376 00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:16,950 You know, like a credit. 377 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,351 You need so many credits to advance. 378 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,586 And you have the most? 379 00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:21,488 Catching on. He's up next. 380 00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,090 The only way to jump ahead of him 381 00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:24,691 is if you land the live show. 382 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,093 Please. This month? 383 00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:27,494 A week from Friday. 384 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,129 Which never happens. APs never get the live show. 385 00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,597 Karen Meskil. Urban legend. 386 00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:33,166 Anyway, if you do, you're instantly promoted. 387 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:34,301 Wow. 388 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:35,602 Hi, Barbara. 389 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:38,005 Hey, Kippie. Great show. 390 00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:39,672 Let's not go there. 391 00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:41,508 You must be Stacy. 392 00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:45,212 Wow. I am so unbelievably sorry about what happened... 393 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,479 Oh, please. 394 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:49,182 Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. 395 00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:52,619 Hello again. 396 00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:55,188 Ira. 397 00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:58,658 Nachlis. 398 00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,060 Yes, you are. 399 00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:02,529 I'm so sorry to hear about you and Neil. 400 00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:03,997 I thought he was a keeper. 401 00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:05,332 Kippie. 402 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:07,234 Sorry, excuse me. 403 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,435 Bye. 404 00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:10,437 Who's Neil? 405 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:13,240 My boyfriend. Ex, actually. 406 00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:20,147 "Hi, Barbara. How's Neil?" "You must be Stacy." 407 00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:21,381 What's missing here? 408 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:22,782 Oh, me. 409 00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:24,384 You're right. 410 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,786 I should get as many shows on the air as possible. 411 00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:27,987 Be seen. 412 00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:30,523 Noticed by somebody. Anybody. 413 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:32,359 Okay, so what I'm about to do 414 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:34,494 should not be interpreted as groveling, 415 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,129 hypocrisy or desperation. 416 00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:38,165 It's merely a loss of personal integrity. 417 00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:40,667 Excuse me. Larry, wait up. 418 00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,001 Hmm. He's funny. 419 00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,070 Yeah. 420 00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:44,304 Talented too. 421 00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,473 Okay, I'll do the midgets. 422 00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:47,874 Too bad he'll never make it here. 423 00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:49,142 Why not? 424 00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,211 He cares too much what everyone thinks. 425 00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:52,545 Especially Kippie. 426 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,347 And that's bad because...? 427 00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,183 Because they're shopping for a newer model. 428 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,218 But she's the boss. 429 00:16:58,285 --> 00:17:00,887 It's been in the works a long time. 430 00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:03,256 Who do you think leaked the pictures to the tabloids? 431 00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:04,424 What? 432 00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:05,792 Well, our ratings are down 433 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,427 and she's got five years left on her contract. 434 00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:08,861 You do the math. 435 00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:10,063 So it is always like this? 436 00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:11,464 I don't know. 437 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,899 I haven't been here long enough to say. 438 00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:15,468 Oh. No, I thought you were... 439 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,470 A lifer? Nah. 440 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,772 A year and a half ago I was on Wall Street, 441 00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:21,808 and before that I drove a bus. 442 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,010 It's all pretty much the same, you know? 443 00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:26,746 People will tell you who they are if you just listen 444 00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:28,481 You can figure them out. 445 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,150 Sometimes you can help. 446 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,486 Let's help Kippie. 447 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:34,854 I should warn you, 448 00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:37,724 I'm uncomfortable with touching and sentiment. 449 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:39,192 Sorry. Thank you. 450 00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:44,364 It's all about the bottom line in every business. 451 00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:45,598 Does she know? 452 00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:47,634 She used to be prime-time out of New York. 453 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,536 Now she's syndicated in Jersey. 454 00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:50,803 It's one thing to start here, 455 00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:52,972 but you don't climb your way to Trenton. 456 00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:55,508 Nothing we can do, short of winning sweeps. 457 00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:56,843 Well, then, let's win sweeps. 458 00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,077 Oh, okay. 459 00:17:58,145 --> 00:18:00,012 We could try. Win one for the Kipper? 460 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,080 Yeah. No. 461 00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:02,382 Please. 462 00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:03,916 Okay, this is too earnest for me. 463 00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,051 I mean, you've been teetering and now you just crossed over. 464 00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,153 Don't you like her? 465 00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:09,222 I do, actually. A lot. 466 00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:11,524 But that's irrelevant. 467 00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:14,727 That may be so, 468 00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:16,929 but does it reveal who your true friends are? 469 00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:18,598 Are they keeping secrets? 470 00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:21,534 Well, it's not a secret anymore for someone. 471 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,003 And we'll tell you why after these words. 472 00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:26,606 Hey. 473 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:28,908 Man, you should've seen what came out of this animal. 474 00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:31,378 Oh, I miss all the good stuff. 475 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,012 You think you're pretty cute, don't you? 476 00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:34,481 Well, I'm no Bob. 477 00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,383 Oh, you better apologize. 478 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:37,617 Uh-uh. 479 00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:39,252 I think you just insulted Bob. 480 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:41,588 You insinuated ugliness. 481 00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:43,089 I did not, I did not. 482 00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:44,791 Apologize. Okay, okay. 483 00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:45,958 I'm sorry, Bob, I'm sorry. 484 00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,026 All right. 485 00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:48,127 Wait, where are you going? 486 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,429 I gotta finish packing. Two minutes. 487 00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:50,697 Okay. 488 00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,465 Did I tell you about Nieuwendyk's cousin? 489 00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:54,033 MVP out of Detroit? 490 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,636 Guess who he's seeing Friday morning? His request. 491 00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:58,938 Yeah, you told me. It's amazing. 492 00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:01,140 Honey, this fast-forward thing isn't working. 493 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,109 Oh, my God! 494 00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:05,178 What? Oh, he has gas. 495 00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:06,579 Oh, God. 496 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:07,847 Bob, get down. Can we open a window, 497 00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:10,417 Come here, boy. Honey, or just... 498 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,852 Yeah, plus Robbie Moore out of Buffalo? 499 00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,120 These guys are, like, 500 00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:16,323 the top two recruits in the entire country. 501 00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:18,491 If I can nail them both... 502 00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:22,229 No ifs. You will. I know it. 503 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:24,731 Oh, what is the matter with that Bob? 504 00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,533 Burrito. Want me to take him out again? 505 00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:28,034 Later. I can do it right now. 506 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,302 No, later. Positive? 507 00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:30,403 Uh-huh. 508 00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:32,071 Mmm! Jesus wept. 509 00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:35,508 Bob, no more hot sauce, all right? 510 00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:38,177 Why are you feeding him hot sauce? 511 00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:39,579 I don't know. 512 00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:42,582 What are you watching? 513 00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:45,252 Oh, Kippie. I'm studying the format. 514 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,019 Huh. - Tell us how bulimia 515 00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:48,555 affected your relationships, Lulu. 516 00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:49,956 I lost them all. 517 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,058 My agent, my friends, my boyfriends. 518 00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:54,193 Lulu? Fritz. 519 00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:55,428 The supermodel. 520 00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:56,863 I was so ashamed. 521 00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,265 I knew it. 522 00:19:58,331 --> 00:19:59,499 Hmm? 523 00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,000 I knew she barfed. 524 00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:04,070 Oh. That documentary. 525 00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,905 No, I mean I heard her. 526 00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:11,244 You heard Lulu Fritz barfing? 527 00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:13,446 Yeah, a couple times. Nasty. 528 00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:16,182 You think I'm gonna need a sweater in Detroit? In May? 529 00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:19,852 What? 530 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:24,757 You don't feel compelled to explain further? 531 00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:27,093 We dated... a little. I told you that, didn't I? 532 00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:29,496 Let me think. Mmm, no. 533 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:30,663 Ahh, thought I did. 534 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,665 Are you gonna be cool staying here by yourself? 535 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,267 Yeah. Walk Bob when you come home? 536 00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,436 Sure. Don't let him walk you. 537 00:20:36,503 --> 00:20:37,804 All right? Who's the boss? Me. 538 00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:39,372 Tell him that. 539 00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:41,708 I'm the boss, Bob. Hear that, Bob? 540 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:44,844 You never mentioned her. 541 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,178 Who? 542 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,480 Lulu. 543 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,049 That's probably because 544 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,718 we don't sit around talking about past relationships. 545 00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:53,720 She was a relationship. 546 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,254 Oh, come on, Stace. 547 00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:56,489 Yeah, we do. 548 00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:57,957 You told me about that med student 549 00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,459 you dated right before me. 550 00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:02,128 And then the girl before that. Uh, what's her name? 551 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:03,463 Joyce. 552 00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:05,465 I guess you just forgot to mention... 553 00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:07,900 Stace, come on. This is why I hate talking 554 00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:11,471 about this stuff It's just.. You end up fighting 555 00:21:11,538 --> 00:21:14,040 over old ghosts. It's history. It's over. The past is past. 556 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:15,241 That's before the past 557 00:21:15,308 --> 00:21:17,310 was a supermodel that barfed quietly. 558 00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:19,779 All right, you know, I don't pry into your old boyfriends. 559 00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:22,749 I never dated Brad Pitt. 560 00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:24,384 All right, shut it off, okay? 561 00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:29,322 Look. 562 00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:31,223 I've had really bad experiences 563 00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:32,659 talking about past relationships, 564 00:21:32,725 --> 00:21:34,994 no matter how casual. 565 00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:38,798 If you have to know, uh, we had problems... in bed. 566 00:21:38,865 --> 00:21:41,300 Hallelujah 567 00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:42,569 Okay? 568 00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:43,936 Okay. 569 00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:45,872 You know, Bob hates it when we fight. 570 00:21:45,938 --> 00:21:47,607 We're not fighting. Tell him. 571 00:21:47,674 --> 00:21:49,676 We are not fighting, Bob. 572 00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,244 So no more Lulu Fritz? 573 00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:55,382 I will never mention the name Lulu Fritz again. 574 00:21:56,716 --> 00:21:58,485 All right. Mm. 575 00:21:58,551 --> 00:22:00,753 Lulu Fritz. No! 576 00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:02,188 And he never told you? 577 00:22:02,254 --> 00:22:04,090 The past is past. 578 00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:06,125 "Unnatural Animal Love" in five. 579 00:22:06,192 --> 00:22:07,394 Tell me you're not quoting him. 580 00:22:07,460 --> 00:22:08,795 We sort of made an agreement 581 00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:10,296 not to discuss old relationships. 582 00:22:10,363 --> 00:22:11,431 Renegotiate. 583 00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:12,532 No! 584 00:22:12,599 --> 00:22:13,600 Those who do not learn 585 00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:14,667 from his history 586 00:22:14,734 --> 00:22:15,935 are condemned to repeat it. 587 00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:17,370 It doesn't even matter who he dated. 588 00:22:17,437 --> 00:22:19,205 What matters is why he stopped. 589 00:22:19,271 --> 00:22:20,940 What's he do for a living? He works for the Devils. 590 00:22:21,007 --> 00:22:23,009 Who doesn't? Ha! Kidding. 591 00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:24,377 Think about it hypothetically. 592 00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:25,945 Say Derek's like Neil. 593 00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:27,480 Hypothetically. 594 00:22:27,547 --> 00:22:29,281 How do you find out before you're too far gone? 595 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:31,250 He's not gonna say, "We broke up 596 00:22:31,317 --> 00:22:33,252 because I was screwing my way through the phone book." 597 00:22:33,319 --> 00:22:34,887 "And I only got to K." Thank you. 598 00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:36,288 He'll say... "The past is past." 599 00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:37,457 Right. 600 00:22:37,524 --> 00:22:38,558 The man is hiding something. 601 00:22:38,625 --> 00:22:39,626 What about his family? 602 00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:40,727 Excellent point. 603 00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:41,828 They'll always give dirt. 604 00:22:41,894 --> 00:22:43,229 No, no, no. That's not what I mean. 605 00:22:43,295 --> 00:22:45,097 What are they like? What's the dynamic? 606 00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:47,299 You can tell a lot by studying where he came from. 607 00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:48,635 It's just a rehearsal. 608 00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:49,969 I haven't met them. 609 00:22:51,438 --> 00:22:53,039 He doesn't bring girls home. 610 00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:54,574 He just doesn't. 611 00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:58,244 Can I ask, did you ever think of appealing this decision, 612 00:22:58,310 --> 00:22:59,378 meeting the folks? 613 00:22:59,446 --> 00:23:01,881 I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. 614 00:23:01,948 --> 00:23:03,983 Oh, yeah, let's not do that. That'd be bad. 615 00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:05,485 Stop it! 616 00:23:05,552 --> 00:23:06,819 What century are you in? 617 00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:08,054 You have a right... Nay, an obligation 618 00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:09,456 to find out more. 619 00:23:09,522 --> 00:23:11,357 Now, he's away for, what, two weeks? 620 00:23:11,424 --> 00:23:12,692 Take that time, I beg you. 621 00:23:12,759 --> 00:23:13,993 Learn a few things. Anything. 622 00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:15,695 Information's power. 623 00:23:15,762 --> 00:23:17,296 All livestock stage left. 624 00:23:17,363 --> 00:23:18,531 It feels dishonest. 625 00:23:18,598 --> 00:23:19,632 Yeah, that's because it is. 626 00:23:19,699 --> 00:23:20,733 You want to keep your man, 627 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:22,535 you find out why they didn't. 628 00:23:22,602 --> 00:23:23,603 I thought you stopped. 629 00:23:23,670 --> 00:23:24,771 I have. 630 00:23:24,837 --> 00:23:26,005 Look, I agree. 631 00:23:26,072 --> 00:23:27,273 There's better ways to do it. 632 00:23:27,339 --> 00:23:29,208 I mean, it'd be great if you could ask him... 633 00:23:29,275 --> 00:23:30,443 Or the folks. 634 00:23:30,510 --> 00:23:32,445 But since no one argues with the lord and master, 635 00:23:32,512 --> 00:23:34,213 you gotta get creative. Personally, I think 636 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,348 all men should come with letters of recommendation 637 00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:37,416 or warning labels. 638 00:23:37,484 --> 00:23:38,518 Or little black books. 639 00:23:38,585 --> 00:23:40,653 Does he have one? A Palm. Why? 640 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:41,788 She may be hopeless. 641 00:23:41,854 --> 00:23:42,855 She's not hopeless. 642 00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:43,990 I'm not hopeless. 643 00:23:44,056 --> 00:23:45,458 Okay, then open it up, explore. 644 00:23:45,525 --> 00:23:47,560 Speaking of which, what was Lulu's last name? 645 00:23:47,627 --> 00:23:48,995 Fritz. Why? 646 00:23:49,061 --> 00:23:50,963 What's that? 647 00:23:51,030 --> 00:23:53,065 Vintage. Working Girl. 648 00:23:53,132 --> 00:23:54,934 1988. 649 00:23:55,001 --> 00:23:56,068 Good movie? 650 00:23:56,135 --> 00:23:57,537 It's a great movie! 651 00:23:57,604 --> 00:23:59,071 You've never seen it? 652 00:24:00,106 --> 00:24:02,141 Staten Island girl. 653 00:24:02,208 --> 00:24:05,277 Trying to make her way in the big city on her own terms. 654 00:24:05,344 --> 00:24:06,378 Melanie Griffith, huh? 655 00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:07,714 Yeah. 656 00:24:07,780 --> 00:24:09,649 Has she never heard of call waiting? 657 00:24:10,650 --> 00:24:13,219 And Mike Nichols. 658 00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:14,353 He's famous. 659 00:24:14,420 --> 00:24:15,688 Oh, he's a genius. 660 00:24:15,755 --> 00:24:18,658 Plus he's married to Diane Sawyer. 661 00:24:18,725 --> 00:24:20,527 Ah! Who you want to be. 662 00:24:20,593 --> 00:24:21,861 Ringing. 663 00:24:21,928 --> 00:24:23,663 Ladies. 664 00:24:26,032 --> 00:24:28,768 I don't want to be her, Barb. I want to work with her. 665 00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:31,003 I will work with her. I believe I will. 666 00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:32,872 I believe you will too. 667 00:24:32,939 --> 00:24:34,173 Hello, Lulu Fritz? 668 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,508 Ira Nachlis, 669 00:24:35,575 --> 00:24:36,709 senior associate producer/producer 670 00:24:36,776 --> 00:24:37,944 for Kippie Kann Do. 671 00:24:38,010 --> 00:24:39,211 Listen, uh... 672 00:24:39,278 --> 00:24:40,613 "I Model, Then I Barf Quietly" 673 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,381 is one of our highest-rated shows ever. 674 00:24:42,448 --> 00:24:43,683 What are you doing?! 675 00:24:43,750 --> 00:24:45,585 Excuse... Okay, look. 676 00:24:45,652 --> 00:24:46,953 I am trying to give a young innocent 677 00:24:47,019 --> 00:24:48,855 her 15 minutes of fame. Now shhh! 678 00:24:50,056 --> 00:24:51,858 I'm sorry. 679 00:24:51,924 --> 00:24:55,294 Lulu, we're thinking of having a special next month 680 00:24:55,361 --> 00:24:57,496 We'd like you to come in tomorrow for an interview. 681 00:24:57,564 --> 00:24:58,831 Mm-hm. 682 00:24:58,898 --> 00:25:01,634 Excellent. We'll do lunch and throw up. 683 00:25:01,701 --> 00:25:02,869 Catch up. 684 00:25:02,935 --> 00:25:04,236 Mm-hm. 685 00:25:04,303 --> 00:25:07,173 I would love to expose myself to your viewers. 686 00:25:07,239 --> 00:25:09,275 Okay. Not going there. 687 00:25:09,341 --> 00:25:12,945 Uh, so how did the documentary affect your personal life, Lulu 688 00:25:13,012 --> 00:25:17,917 Well, it forced Stephen, my ex, to face his truth. 689 00:25:18,484 --> 00:25:20,452 He barfed too. 690 00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:23,723 Fascinating. And before Stephen? 691 00:25:23,790 --> 00:25:25,424 I didn't date much. 692 00:25:25,491 --> 00:25:27,226 I was shy. 693 00:25:27,293 --> 00:25:28,828 And ugly. 694 00:25:28,895 --> 00:25:30,897 Why is it that every supermodel 695 00:25:30,963 --> 00:25:32,799 says how ugly they were when they were young? 696 00:25:32,865 --> 00:25:34,934 Is it because they want us to know they suffered? 697 00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:38,337 Do they think that it makes them more deserving, 698 00:25:38,404 --> 00:25:39,839 that we'll forgive them their bounty? 699 00:25:39,906 --> 00:25:42,775 None of us believe you. 700 00:25:42,842 --> 00:25:45,044 No one invited me to the prom. 701 00:25:45,111 --> 00:25:46,412 Makes you stronger. 702 00:25:46,478 --> 00:25:49,749 So the only relationship you ever had ever was Stephen? 703 00:25:49,816 --> 00:25:51,984 No. I mean, I dated a few people. 704 00:25:52,051 --> 00:25:53,219 Names, please? 705 00:25:53,285 --> 00:25:55,321 Fabrizio. Renato. 706 00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:56,823 Carmine. Jahni. 707 00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:57,957 Derek. 708 00:25:58,024 --> 00:26:00,793 She said his name. 709 00:26:00,860 --> 00:26:03,129 Der... eek. 710 00:26:03,195 --> 00:26:05,431 His name... came out of... that mouth. 711 00:26:05,497 --> 00:26:07,767 Der... eek. 712 00:26:07,834 --> 00:26:09,568 Der... eek. 713 00:26:09,636 --> 00:26:12,972 Her "Dereek" was my Derek. 714 00:26:13,039 --> 00:26:14,240 But mostly I was lonely. 715 00:26:14,306 --> 00:26:15,307 How sad. 716 00:26:15,374 --> 00:26:16,943 Tell me about one of the early guys. 717 00:26:17,009 --> 00:26:18,544 Oh, say... Derek. 718 00:26:18,611 --> 00:26:19,812 Derek? 719 00:26:19,879 --> 00:26:21,413 It was just a casual kind of thing. 720 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,050 Stacy, let her tell the story. I am. She is. 721 00:26:24,116 --> 00:26:25,451 Go ahead. I was so young. 722 00:26:25,517 --> 00:26:27,820 She was so young. I can hardly remember. 723 00:26:27,887 --> 00:26:29,656 Happens to all of us. It was all superficial. 724 00:26:29,722 --> 00:26:32,524 What isn't these days? Completely about sex. 725 00:26:32,591 --> 00:26:34,026 Completely about... 726 00:26:34,093 --> 00:26:35,361 What? Sex. 727 00:26:35,427 --> 00:26:36,896 Sex. Sex. 728 00:26:36,963 --> 00:26:38,597 But you had problems in bed. 729 00:26:38,665 --> 00:26:40,299 Ira! You don't know that, Ira. Guessing! 730 00:26:40,366 --> 00:26:41,768 Someone needs to chill. 731 00:26:41,834 --> 00:26:45,071 Actually, the bedroom was the only place 732 00:26:45,137 --> 00:26:47,774 we really... connected. 733 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,810 Two, sometimes three times a day. 734 00:26:50,877 --> 00:26:53,980 Funny how your memory just snapped back like that. 735 00:26:54,046 --> 00:26:56,883 Anyways, Derek and I didn't talk much. 736 00:26:56,949 --> 00:26:58,017 I just used him for... 737 00:26:58,084 --> 00:26:59,185 We know. We know. We know. 738 00:26:59,251 --> 00:27:01,020 Pretty amazing. 739 00:27:01,087 --> 00:27:02,221 Experimental. 740 00:27:02,288 --> 00:27:03,956 Wild. 741 00:27:04,023 --> 00:27:05,357 Sounds great. Why did you split? 742 00:27:05,424 --> 00:27:06,926 Oh, same old, same old. 743 00:27:06,993 --> 00:27:09,628 Schedules, travel, temptation. 744 00:27:09,696 --> 00:27:11,964 Uh-huh. He cheated? 745 00:27:12,031 --> 00:27:13,866 No, I did! All the time. 746 00:27:13,933 --> 00:27:17,737 But he stuck around like a lovesick puppy. 747 00:27:17,804 --> 00:27:20,239 Finally, I asked him to go back to his old girlfriend. 748 00:27:20,306 --> 00:27:24,043 She called all the time, begging him, pleading. 749 00:27:24,110 --> 00:27:28,580 She was desperate. Joyce? 750 00:27:28,647 --> 00:27:29,982 How did you know her name? You mentioned it. 751 00:27:30,049 --> 00:27:31,117 She mentioned it! You did. 752 00:27:31,183 --> 00:27:32,218 She did. You did. 753 00:27:32,284 --> 00:27:34,220 I did? Yeah. 754 00:27:34,286 --> 00:27:35,855 Hmm. Mm-hm. 755 00:27:35,922 --> 00:27:41,227 Well, Joyce. He only went back to her out of pity. 756 00:27:41,293 --> 00:27:43,662 I wonder what he's doing now. 757 00:27:45,798 --> 00:27:48,100 Hey, Derek, this is Lulu. 758 00:27:48,167 --> 00:27:49,702 Just thought I'd give you a call 759 00:27:49,769 --> 00:27:51,971 and let you know I was in town... 760 00:27:52,038 --> 00:27:53,105 Cow! 761 00:27:53,172 --> 00:27:56,575 Quietly barfing cow. 762 00:27:56,642 --> 00:27:59,611 And, suddenly, my certain world 763 00:27:59,678 --> 00:28:01,613 didn't seem so certain after all. 764 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,015 Hi, Bob. 765 00:28:03,082 --> 00:28:05,785 Are you hungry? I'm not hungry. 766 00:28:05,852 --> 00:28:09,621 Lulu dangled before me like bait on a wire. 767 00:28:10,823 --> 00:28:13,325 I swallowed it whole. 768 00:28:13,392 --> 00:28:15,527 And then wanted more. 769 00:28:19,799 --> 00:28:21,333 It was time for the past 770 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:22,735 to meet the present. 771 00:28:22,802 --> 00:28:26,238 Bob, look, a box! 772 00:28:28,574 --> 00:28:31,310 I just need to clean up some stuff. 773 00:28:31,377 --> 00:28:33,045 He told me to. 774 00:28:33,112 --> 00:28:34,113 You know. 775 00:28:41,053 --> 00:28:43,155 I'm just checking things out, you know? 776 00:28:44,590 --> 00:28:46,492 Oh, look, pictures. 777 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:52,098 So this is hysterical Joyce. 778 00:28:52,164 --> 00:28:54,533 You don't look so desperate. 779 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,804 You look... athletic. 780 00:28:57,870 --> 00:29:00,506 And pretty. 781 00:29:00,572 --> 00:29:02,975 Where was this taken? 782 00:29:03,042 --> 00:29:05,244 New York City Marathon. Okay! 783 00:29:05,311 --> 00:29:08,480 Where you crossed the finish line. 784 00:29:10,116 --> 00:29:12,618 And you were crying. 785 00:29:12,684 --> 00:29:14,787 And so was Derek while he hugs you. 786 00:29:14,854 --> 00:29:19,225 There's so many neat pictures, Bob. 787 00:29:20,092 --> 00:29:22,328 Rachel Keyes. 788 00:29:22,394 --> 00:29:26,132 You are a... podiatrist, I think. 789 00:29:26,198 --> 00:29:29,335 What's with that little minx-like smile? 790 00:29:29,401 --> 00:29:31,303 What? 791 00:29:33,005 --> 00:29:35,341 Can you just not look at me like that, please? 792 00:29:35,407 --> 00:29:38,210 It's making me very uncomfortable. 793 00:29:38,277 --> 00:29:40,112 I'm... There. See? 794 00:29:40,179 --> 00:29:41,848 I'm done. Okay? 795 00:29:41,914 --> 00:29:44,450 And don't judge me! Okay, Bob? 796 00:29:46,085 --> 00:29:47,486 Oh! 797 00:29:47,553 --> 00:29:49,388 Hey, Stacy, it's me. Are you there? 798 00:29:49,455 --> 00:29:50,789 Oh! 799 00:29:50,857 --> 00:29:52,124 Honey... I guess you're out with Bob. 800 00:29:52,191 --> 00:29:53,725 Listen, I left my Palm at home. 801 00:29:53,792 --> 00:29:56,195 I need you to go through it and get me some numbers. 802 00:29:56,262 --> 00:29:57,763 All right, take care. 803 00:29:57,830 --> 00:29:59,231 Palm? 804 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:02,568 Did you hear that, Bob? 805 00:30:02,634 --> 00:30:05,171 Derek left his Palm at home. 806 00:30:06,572 --> 00:30:07,907 Guess we'll have to look for it. 807 00:30:10,109 --> 00:30:13,779 Oh, if I were a Palm, where would I be? 808 00:30:13,846 --> 00:30:15,314 If we were Palms, 809 00:30:15,381 --> 00:30:17,149 where would we be, Bob? 810 00:30:17,216 --> 00:30:19,551 Where is it? 811 00:30:20,686 --> 00:30:22,454 Where could it be right now? 812 00:30:22,521 --> 00:30:24,756 He asked for it. 813 00:30:24,823 --> 00:30:27,493 Where could it be? Hmm? 814 00:30:32,831 --> 00:30:37,436 Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. 815 00:30:37,503 --> 00:30:39,038 Okay, Bob? 816 00:30:41,207 --> 00:30:43,242 Life's about certainty. 817 00:30:43,309 --> 00:30:45,277 It's about being in control. 818 00:30:46,879 --> 00:30:50,349 Password, password, password. What would his password be? 819 00:30:51,750 --> 00:30:53,119 Thank you. 820 00:30:55,554 --> 00:30:56,956 What? 821 00:30:58,357 --> 00:31:00,960 Go to your bed. 822 00:31:02,494 --> 00:31:05,764 Go to your bed, Bob! 823 00:31:10,436 --> 00:31:12,771 Seconds before opening the metallic case, 824 00:31:12,838 --> 00:31:14,907 I envisioned all the evil flowing into the world. 825 00:31:14,974 --> 00:31:17,476 I was Pandora. 826 00:31:18,644 --> 00:31:20,679 And then I got over it. 827 00:31:27,419 --> 00:31:30,789 Look at that. Joyce works with Kaleidoscope Kitchen. 828 00:31:30,856 --> 00:31:33,459 So? Brand-new place. 829 00:31:33,525 --> 00:31:35,894 You know what that means? It's a new entry in this thing 830 00:31:35,962 --> 00:31:38,130 That place has only been open two, three months. 831 00:31:38,197 --> 00:31:40,566 How would he know that unless they still talk? 832 00:31:40,632 --> 00:31:42,668 That's ridiculous! Ladies. 833 00:31:42,734 --> 00:31:44,703 Hey! 834 00:31:44,770 --> 00:31:46,272 We could give her a little jingle. 835 00:31:46,338 --> 00:31:48,374 "Hello, Joyce... 836 00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:50,309 Moore. 837 00:31:50,376 --> 00:31:53,445 "We're doing research on an upcoming episode, 838 00:31:53,512 --> 00:31:55,447 "'Best Chefs in the Tri-state Area.' 839 00:31:55,514 --> 00:31:58,150 No guarantees, of course, but I was wondering if we could..." 840 00:31:58,217 --> 00:31:59,451 No. 841 00:31:59,518 --> 00:32:01,053 "Spend a little time getting to know you." 842 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:02,921 Not doing it. 843 00:32:02,989 --> 00:32:06,492 Uh, uh, uh. 844 00:32:06,558 --> 00:32:09,628 Now, how about that doctor he dated? What was her name? 845 00:32:09,695 --> 00:32:11,397 Barb! 846 00:32:11,463 --> 00:32:12,798 You have to admit it's educational. 847 00:32:12,864 --> 00:32:14,166 Look what you learned with Lulu. 848 00:32:14,233 --> 00:32:15,834 What? He didn't cheat. 849 00:32:15,901 --> 00:32:17,069 I never thought he did. 850 00:32:17,136 --> 00:32:18,870 But he told you they had problems in bed. 851 00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:21,473 It turns out the only problems they had in bed 852 00:32:21,540 --> 00:32:23,976 was getting out. Little lie. Harmless. 853 00:32:24,043 --> 00:32:25,577 Unless it's a pattern. 854 00:32:25,644 --> 00:32:27,413 It's not a pattern. How do you know? 855 00:32:28,747 --> 00:32:32,918 Say, hypothetically, you get a dog. 856 00:32:32,985 --> 00:32:34,053 A what? A dog. 857 00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:35,521 Hypothetically. 858 00:32:35,587 --> 00:32:37,823 And you find out his grandfather chased cars. 859 00:32:37,889 --> 00:32:39,391 His father chased cars. Whose father? 860 00:32:39,458 --> 00:32:40,826 The dog's. 861 00:32:40,892 --> 00:32:42,928 In fact, all the males in his line are car-chasers. 862 00:32:42,995 --> 00:32:44,896 Chances are he'll chase cars. 863 00:32:44,963 --> 00:32:47,799 Helpful information you can only get by doing research. 864 00:32:47,866 --> 00:32:48,900 Come on, Leo. 865 00:32:48,967 --> 00:32:50,102 You need to find out. 866 00:32:50,169 --> 00:32:52,571 Is your man a car-chaser? No! 867 00:32:52,638 --> 00:32:54,240 Are you sure? 868 00:32:54,306 --> 00:32:56,342 People are creatures of habit. 869 00:32:56,408 --> 00:32:58,844 Last one. Their behavior is patterned. 870 00:32:58,910 --> 00:33:01,213 After Neil slept with half of Newark, 871 00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:02,614 I found out what everybody else knew: 872 00:33:02,681 --> 00:33:04,083 He'd been doing it for years. 873 00:33:04,150 --> 00:33:06,452 So keep yourself dumb and believe what he tells you 874 00:33:06,518 --> 00:33:07,953 or... Up to you. 875 00:33:08,020 --> 00:33:10,756 God, I hate this. I know. 876 00:33:10,822 --> 00:33:12,791 I hate doubt. 877 00:33:12,858 --> 00:33:15,127 You'll get over it. Now, what' the name of that chiropractor? 878 00:33:15,194 --> 00:33:17,296 Podiatrist. Mmm. 879 00:33:17,363 --> 00:33:18,630 Dr. Rachel Keyes. 880 00:33:18,697 --> 00:33:21,200 Barb? Yeah. 881 00:33:21,267 --> 00:33:22,568 I... 882 00:33:22,634 --> 00:33:24,036 Look, make an appointment, that's all. 883 00:33:24,103 --> 00:33:26,004 See how you feel once you meet her. 884 00:33:26,072 --> 00:33:28,207 If you decide not to do that whole Kippie spiel, 885 00:33:28,274 --> 00:33:30,176 then at least your feet will be happy. 886 00:33:30,242 --> 00:33:31,577 You wanna work with Diane Sawyer? 887 00:33:31,643 --> 00:33:32,811 Mm-hm. 888 00:33:32,878 --> 00:33:35,281 You gotta learn how to do research... 889 00:33:35,347 --> 00:33:37,049 in the field. 890 00:33:37,116 --> 00:33:38,684 Health and Wellness Women's Clinic. 891 00:33:38,750 --> 00:33:40,086 Hold, please. 892 00:33:40,152 --> 00:33:42,954 Look under the hood before you purchase the car. 893 00:33:43,021 --> 00:33:45,724 Thank you for holding. Health and Wellness Women's Clinic. 894 00:33:45,791 --> 00:33:48,094 Ah, yes, I'd like to make an appointment 895 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:49,495 with Dr. Keyes, please. 896 00:33:49,561 --> 00:33:50,929 She's booked through the month. 897 00:33:50,996 --> 00:33:52,498 Okay, thanks anyway. No cancellations? 898 00:33:52,564 --> 00:33:55,534 Oh, wait, we have one for Thursday morning, 8:45. 899 00:33:55,601 --> 00:33:57,736 I'll take it. Name? 900 00:33:57,803 --> 00:34:00,106 Barb Campbell-hyphen-Dunn. 901 00:34:00,172 --> 00:34:02,641 And what is this regarding, please? 902 00:34:02,708 --> 00:34:04,143 Warts. Plantar warts. 903 00:34:04,210 --> 00:34:05,944 Hurt like hell. 904 00:34:06,011 --> 00:34:07,346 See you Thursday. 905 00:34:09,381 --> 00:34:12,651 Hey, don't let the chickens out! 906 00:34:12,718 --> 00:34:14,720 I was strangely calm 907 00:34:14,786 --> 00:34:17,489 as I waited to meet the woman Derek dated before me. 908 00:34:17,556 --> 00:34:21,193 So calm, in fact, I never questioned the gown 909 00:34:21,260 --> 00:34:24,263 or the need for easy access. 910 00:34:24,330 --> 00:34:25,464 So when was your last period? 911 00:34:25,531 --> 00:34:27,065 My what? 912 00:34:27,133 --> 00:34:29,735 Your menses. I don't understand. 913 00:34:31,770 --> 00:34:34,540 Okay, each month, you might notice a change in your body. 914 00:34:34,606 --> 00:34:36,542 I understand what you mean. 915 00:34:36,608 --> 00:34:38,677 I just don't know why you'd want to know that. 916 00:34:38,744 --> 00:34:40,112 Barbara Campbell? - Hyphen-Dunn. 917 00:34:40,179 --> 00:34:41,713 Yes. I'm Dr. Keyes. 918 00:34:41,780 --> 00:34:43,749 Hi. Hi. 919 00:34:43,815 --> 00:34:47,586 So, what brings you in here today? 920 00:34:47,653 --> 00:34:49,020 Warts. Warts. 921 00:34:49,087 --> 00:34:51,290 Really painful. 922 00:34:51,357 --> 00:34:52,424 All the time? 923 00:34:52,491 --> 00:34:54,493 Well, mostly when you step on them. 924 00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:56,495 Heels, you know, ouch. 925 00:34:56,562 --> 00:34:59,665 I have a bit of a shoe fetish. 926 00:34:59,731 --> 00:35:02,234 Stilettos. I'm trying to stay away from them. It's my bad. 927 00:35:02,301 --> 00:35:05,171 Well, uh, maybe you can be more specific 928 00:35:05,237 --> 00:35:06,572 as to where the warts are. 929 00:35:06,638 --> 00:35:08,140 You wanna use this mirror? 930 00:35:08,207 --> 00:35:10,776 No, that's not necessary. I'm very flexible. 931 00:35:10,842 --> 00:35:12,778 They're sort of... 932 00:35:12,844 --> 00:35:14,413 deep down. 933 00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,315 Just look way deep down inside. 934 00:35:16,382 --> 00:35:19,551 You can't really see them unless you look inside. 935 00:35:19,618 --> 00:35:21,353 Well, maybe not that way. 936 00:35:21,420 --> 00:35:23,088 Why don't you just relax, Barbara? 937 00:35:23,155 --> 00:35:24,390 Okay. 938 00:35:24,456 --> 00:35:26,225 That's a good girl. There you go. 939 00:35:26,292 --> 00:35:29,094 We're just gonna put your feet in these stirrups. 940 00:35:32,097 --> 00:35:33,131 Stirrups? 941 00:35:37,669 --> 00:35:39,070 A gynecologist? 942 00:35:39,137 --> 00:35:40,639 Not a podiatrist? 943 00:35:40,706 --> 00:35:42,774 Ten-to-1 those aren't for the opera. 944 00:35:42,841 --> 00:35:44,576 And we'll have a little look-see. 945 00:35:44,643 --> 00:35:45,977 Look-see? Where? 946 00:35:47,346 --> 00:35:49,415 Oh... Oops! 947 00:35:49,481 --> 00:35:51,149 Someone left their panties on. 948 00:35:51,217 --> 00:35:52,651 Oops. 949 00:35:52,718 --> 00:35:54,786 Just, uh... There you go. 950 00:35:54,853 --> 00:35:56,355 Good girl. 951 00:36:00,058 --> 00:36:01,860 Good! 952 00:36:03,595 --> 00:36:05,063 Comfy? 953 00:36:05,130 --> 00:36:06,598 Well, let's see. 954 00:36:06,665 --> 00:36:08,200 I'm spread-eagle in front of my boyfriend's ex 955 00:36:08,267 --> 00:36:09,768 who's about to go searching for warts. 956 00:36:09,835 --> 00:36:11,903 Super. Thanks. 957 00:36:11,970 --> 00:36:13,972 Barbara, you know what they say, right? 958 00:36:14,039 --> 00:36:16,275 You can never be too rich, too thin 959 00:36:16,342 --> 00:36:17,676 or too far down on the table, 960 00:36:17,743 --> 00:36:19,411 so let's scoot ya! There we go. 961 00:36:19,478 --> 00:36:21,713 Perfect! 962 00:36:21,780 --> 00:36:23,915 I'm going to insert the speculum now. 963 00:36:23,982 --> 00:36:27,353 Oh, good. Narration. 964 00:36:27,419 --> 00:36:29,688 You may feel a bit of pressure. 965 00:36:29,755 --> 00:36:31,590 Ow! 966 00:36:31,657 --> 00:36:36,862 Whoa, would you take a look at that cervix, Nurse Kisilevsky? 967 00:36:36,928 --> 00:36:38,964 Hmm, textbook. 968 00:36:39,030 --> 00:36:40,866 I'm not the first person who's told you that. 969 00:36:40,932 --> 00:36:42,601 Can't hear it enough. 970 00:36:42,668 --> 00:36:46,171 It was all too horrible. I had to avert my eyes. 971 00:36:46,238 --> 00:36:48,974 Which made me focus on a sight more horrific. 972 00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:51,443 Midst what seemed like an unusual amount 973 00:36:51,510 --> 00:36:53,044 of Dr. Keyes' beauty shots 974 00:36:53,111 --> 00:36:55,747 stood a picture that jumped out... big. 975 00:36:55,814 --> 00:36:58,384 Dr. Rachel Keyes and Bob?! 976 00:36:58,450 --> 00:36:59,718 Stinky Bob! 977 00:36:59,785 --> 00:37:01,287 Why would she have a picture with him 978 00:37:01,353 --> 00:37:02,954 unless he was hers? Worse, theirs? 979 00:37:03,021 --> 00:37:06,292 I needed to take control... fast! 980 00:37:06,358 --> 00:37:07,759 Dr. Keyes? 981 00:37:07,826 --> 00:37:09,227 I work with the Kippie Kann show. 982 00:37:09,295 --> 00:37:15,000 You would never be interested being on television, 983 00:37:15,066 --> 00:37:17,002 - would you? - Call me Rachel. I started the vitamin company 984 00:37:17,068 --> 00:37:18,404 about a year and a half ago. 985 00:37:18,470 --> 00:37:20,672 It's just taken off. Oh? 986 00:37:20,739 --> 00:37:22,508 And look. Your picture's on it. 987 00:37:22,574 --> 00:37:24,443 I fought them on that. 988 00:37:24,510 --> 00:37:25,944 Sure you did. 989 00:37:26,011 --> 00:37:27,346 So tell me, Rachel, 990 00:37:27,413 --> 00:37:29,615 what did you have to sacrifice to get here? 991 00:37:29,681 --> 00:37:32,584 Relationships? Family? Pets? 992 00:37:32,651 --> 00:37:35,887 I never wanted to settle in order to settle down. 993 00:37:35,954 --> 00:37:37,423 You know what I'm talking about. 994 00:37:37,489 --> 00:37:38,890 Oh, yeah. Back to pets. 995 00:37:38,957 --> 00:37:41,960 I noticed a picture of a dog in the examination room. 996 00:37:42,027 --> 00:37:43,762 So... happy-looking. 997 00:37:43,829 --> 00:37:45,864 Bob. 998 00:37:45,931 --> 00:37:47,733 He's my ex's dog, but I raised him. 999 00:37:47,799 --> 00:37:49,768 He was such a cuddler. 1000 00:37:49,835 --> 00:37:51,337 Your ex? The dog. 1001 00:37:51,403 --> 00:37:53,905 I could've lobbied to keep him when we split. 1002 00:37:53,972 --> 00:37:56,742 But med school by day, the book by night... 1003 00:37:56,808 --> 00:37:58,276 You wrote a book? 1004 00:37:58,344 --> 00:37:59,978 Here we go. Second printing. 1005 00:38:00,045 --> 00:38:01,547 Oh. Take one. 1006 00:38:01,613 --> 00:38:03,148 I'll just bill you for it. 1007 00:38:03,214 --> 00:38:05,116 It's a play on words. 1008 00:38:05,183 --> 00:38:06,652 Keyes to Your Vagina. 1009 00:38:06,718 --> 00:38:07,986 Clever. 1010 00:38:08,053 --> 00:38:11,022 Oh, and there's that picture again. 1011 00:38:11,089 --> 00:38:13,158 So anyways... Bob, is it? 1012 00:38:13,224 --> 00:38:15,761 Yeah, he's with Derek, my ex. 1013 00:38:15,827 --> 00:38:17,663 But I have visitation rights. 1014 00:38:17,729 --> 00:38:19,731 Oh, really? 1015 00:38:19,798 --> 00:38:21,132 Sure, the photograph in the exam room 1016 00:38:21,199 --> 00:38:23,502 was taken a few weeks ago at a picnic we had. 1017 00:38:23,569 --> 00:38:26,071 A picnic? A few weeks ago? 1018 00:38:26,137 --> 00:38:29,341 He went on a picnic with this self-obsessed prodigy? 1019 00:38:29,408 --> 00:38:30,942 My head was spinning. 1020 00:38:31,009 --> 00:38:33,579 Anyway, Barb, good news. Your warts have cleared up. 1021 00:38:35,213 --> 00:38:36,815 That's good to know. 1022 00:38:38,950 --> 00:38:42,621 Welcome back to "Grandma's a Hooker, So Handle It." 1023 00:38:42,688 --> 00:38:44,656 Tell me, Grandma, as a working girl... 1024 00:38:44,723 --> 00:38:46,558 Stand by, mystery guest. - Standing by. 1025 00:38:46,625 --> 00:38:49,194 I pull down about five grand a weekend. 1026 00:38:50,962 --> 00:38:52,398 Ten if I bring a friend! 1027 00:38:52,464 --> 00:38:54,533 What do you say, Kippie? 1028 00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:57,135 Wha...? Me? 1029 00:38:57,202 --> 00:38:59,137 Talent is in place and ready to go. 1030 00:38:59,204 --> 00:39:00,572 Hey. 1031 00:39:00,639 --> 00:39:02,441 How'd it go? 1032 00:39:02,508 --> 00:39:04,209 I went to third base with his ex. 1033 00:39:04,275 --> 00:39:07,078 What? But my warts have cleared up. 1034 00:39:07,145 --> 00:39:09,515 She was a gynecologist! 1035 00:39:09,581 --> 00:39:11,049 Gyne... Oh! 1036 00:39:11,116 --> 00:39:12,951 Mommy, no! 1037 00:39:13,018 --> 00:39:14,753 Oh, shut up. 1038 00:39:14,820 --> 00:39:16,354 Ira, can you...? 1039 00:39:18,957 --> 00:39:20,926 A gynecologist. Yikes. 1040 00:39:20,992 --> 00:39:22,327 Oh, no, "yikes" does not even begin 1041 00:39:22,394 --> 00:39:24,029 to describe what I experienced today. 1042 00:39:24,095 --> 00:39:25,196 Don't screw up. 1043 00:39:25,263 --> 00:39:26,998 Turkey sausage. Turkey sausage. 1044 00:39:27,065 --> 00:39:28,400 But the small one. 1045 00:39:28,467 --> 00:39:29,801 She's an absolute freak of nature. 1046 00:39:29,868 --> 00:39:31,903 She's gotta be, like, what, 26, 27? 1047 00:39:31,970 --> 00:39:35,206 She's publishing books, she's practicing medicine. 1048 00:39:35,273 --> 00:39:36,608 Oh, and did I mention 1049 00:39:36,675 --> 00:39:38,610 there's, like, a zillion pictures of her in her office? 1050 00:39:38,677 --> 00:39:40,412 Just her? Alone? Uh, yeah. 1051 00:39:40,479 --> 00:39:42,213 Oh, and let's not forget the little vitamin company 1052 00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:43,849 that's just taken off! 1053 00:39:43,915 --> 00:39:45,250 Look at the positive side. 1054 00:39:45,316 --> 00:39:46,518 Which is? 1055 00:39:46,585 --> 00:39:48,454 He's attracted to extraordinary women. 1056 00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:50,656 Beautiful, talented. 1057 00:39:50,722 --> 00:39:52,290 Which is why he's with you now. 1058 00:39:52,357 --> 00:39:56,462 The only salient information need to know is, did he cheat? 1059 00:39:56,528 --> 00:39:59,197 What? No. 1060 00:39:59,264 --> 00:40:00,899 She was more in love with herself. 1061 00:40:00,966 --> 00:40:02,300 This is good news. 1062 00:40:02,367 --> 00:40:04,069 Yeah. 1063 00:40:04,135 --> 00:40:06,337 Yeah. 1064 00:40:06,404 --> 00:40:09,875 It's just that he saw her a few weeks ago. 1065 00:40:09,941 --> 00:40:12,177 They picnicked, which is totally fine. 1066 00:40:12,243 --> 00:40:16,648 He's completely free to picnic with whomever. 1067 00:40:16,715 --> 00:40:18,416 But why wouldn't he mention it? 1068 00:40:18,484 --> 00:40:20,452 Maybe... 1069 00:40:21,453 --> 00:40:23,855 He forgot? Maybe. 1070 00:40:23,922 --> 00:40:25,457 Yeah. Okay. 1071 00:40:25,524 --> 00:40:27,659 Who put those damn K's all over the cue cards? 1072 00:40:28,927 --> 00:40:30,896 Bob, slow down. You're rocking the Palm. 1073 00:40:32,698 --> 00:40:35,400 You are so busted. What? 1074 00:40:35,467 --> 00:40:37,002 You're out with another guy, aren't you? 1075 00:40:37,068 --> 00:40:39,571 Two foot six, loves the lips, farts a lot. 1076 00:40:39,638 --> 00:40:40,839 You giving him a nice walk? 1077 00:40:40,906 --> 00:40:42,741 Oh, well, actually, 1078 00:40:42,808 --> 00:40:44,409 he's giving me one. 1079 00:40:44,476 --> 00:40:45,844 Oh, honey, don't let him do that. 1080 00:40:45,911 --> 00:40:47,345 Oh, of course not. No. 1081 00:40:47,412 --> 00:40:48,413 Oh! 1082 00:40:49,848 --> 00:40:51,382 Feel like we haven't spoken all week. 1083 00:40:51,449 --> 00:40:53,418 I feel like we haven't spoken ever. 1084 00:40:53,485 --> 00:40:55,887 Bob, slow down! 1085 00:40:55,954 --> 00:40:57,556 Been kind of busy here, you know? 1086 00:40:57,623 --> 00:41:00,992 Bob, Bob! Bob! Bob! Bob! 1087 00:41:02,293 --> 00:41:04,963 We don't live here, Bob! 1088 00:41:05,030 --> 00:41:06,331 Come on! No! 1089 00:41:07,799 --> 00:41:10,401 "Keyes"? 1090 00:41:11,870 --> 00:41:13,238 Keyes?! 1091 00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:16,608 As in "Keyes to Your Vagina," Bob?! 1092 00:41:16,675 --> 00:41:18,309 Traitor. 1093 00:41:18,376 --> 00:41:20,912 Stace? What's going on? Who are you talking to? 1094 00:41:20,979 --> 00:41:24,816 Oh, honey, you're not gonna believe this. 1095 00:41:24,883 --> 00:41:26,985 You wanna hear something funny? 1096 00:41:27,052 --> 00:41:30,088 Bob just dragged me up the steps of a brownstone 1097 00:41:30,155 --> 00:41:31,557 just a few blocks away from you. 1098 00:41:31,623 --> 00:41:34,526 Who's the boss?! On Malverne. 1099 00:41:34,593 --> 00:41:36,695 You think he has a friend in the neighborhood? 1100 00:41:36,762 --> 00:41:38,964 Dark-haired genius, about 5'4"? 1101 00:41:39,030 --> 00:41:41,166 Stace, he's a dog, okay? 1102 00:41:41,232 --> 00:41:42,968 You let him, he's gonna walk all over you. 1103 00:41:43,034 --> 00:41:44,703 Wonder where he learned it. 1104 00:41:44,770 --> 00:41:46,104 Oh! Honey, I'm sorry. 1105 00:41:46,171 --> 00:41:48,874 I've gotta go. Okay, call you from a hard line. 1106 00:41:48,940 --> 00:41:50,208 Excuse me! 1107 00:41:50,275 --> 00:41:51,677 Sorry. 1108 00:41:52,944 --> 00:41:54,980 - Hello. - Who is it? 1109 00:41:55,046 --> 00:41:56,381 - Hello? - Who's there? 1110 00:41:57,749 --> 00:41:59,851 - Hello. Bob? - Is anybody there? 1111 00:42:01,486 --> 00:42:02,487 Bob? 1112 00:42:02,554 --> 00:42:04,455 Oh, come on, man. 1113 00:42:04,522 --> 00:42:06,792 Stay! You recognize his bark? 1114 00:42:06,858 --> 00:42:08,760 Sit! - And he did. 1115 00:42:08,827 --> 00:42:10,161 I'm coming down. 1116 00:42:11,697 --> 00:42:14,099 Bob, come on! Shh. 1117 00:42:14,165 --> 00:42:16,568 Come on, down here, down here. 1118 00:42:16,635 --> 00:42:18,604 Shh, shh. I need you to be very, very quiet. 1119 00:42:18,670 --> 00:42:20,672 Bob? 1120 00:42:22,207 --> 00:42:23,241 Bob?! 1121 00:42:23,308 --> 00:42:24,776 As I squatted, 1122 00:42:24,843 --> 00:42:27,946 holding the snout of a dog in love with another woman... 1123 00:42:28,013 --> 00:42:29,247 Bob? 1124 00:42:29,314 --> 00:42:31,950 I sadly realized I had reached an all-time low. 1125 00:42:32,017 --> 00:42:34,252 Bob! Oh, come here, sweetheart. 1126 00:42:34,319 --> 00:42:36,287 You little boy. 1127 00:42:36,354 --> 00:42:38,256 What are you doing out there, huh? 1128 00:42:38,323 --> 00:42:40,058 Huh? Where's your daddy? Let's go call your daddy. 1129 00:42:40,125 --> 00:42:41,526 Come on, little pumpkin head. 1130 00:42:47,198 --> 00:42:49,167 Ooh! 1131 00:42:49,234 --> 00:42:51,737 I ran out on my mani. Where is he? 1132 00:42:51,803 --> 00:42:53,204 In there with her. 1133 00:42:54,673 --> 00:42:55,707 Number two. 1134 00:43:00,679 --> 00:43:02,914 Yes? Hi, it's Stacy Holt. 1135 00:43:02,981 --> 00:43:04,082 Don't use my name! 1136 00:43:04,149 --> 00:43:05,416 Holtenfrau. What? 1137 00:43:05,483 --> 00:43:06,584 The dog-walker. I'm here for Steve. 1138 00:43:06,652 --> 00:43:07,819 Bob! 1139 00:43:07,886 --> 00:43:09,955 Bob! Come on up. Number two. 1140 00:43:21,299 --> 00:43:23,434 Did she have pictures of herself in the apartment? 1141 00:43:23,501 --> 00:43:25,203 No. She was very nice. Oh, yeah, thanks. 1142 00:43:25,270 --> 00:43:27,138 That makes me feel better. 1143 00:43:27,205 --> 00:43:28,640 It's vibrating. Really? 1144 00:43:28,707 --> 00:43:29,975 Mm-hm. 1145 00:43:30,041 --> 00:43:31,710 What are you doing? 1146 00:43:31,777 --> 00:43:33,645 Give me a few minutes. 1147 00:43:33,712 --> 00:43:35,681 Oh, stop that! 1148 00:43:35,747 --> 00:43:37,683 You know, this little guy could make me very happy. 1149 00:43:37,749 --> 00:43:39,350 Okay, now you're officially scaring me. 1150 00:43:39,417 --> 00:43:41,319 If it turns into a pizza, I'm getting one. 1151 00:43:41,386 --> 00:43:43,221 Take that thing out of your pants. 1152 00:43:46,291 --> 00:43:47,959 Oh, wow. 1153 00:43:48,026 --> 00:43:50,395 So Joyce has freckles, huh? 1154 00:43:50,461 --> 00:43:52,097 All over! 1155 00:43:52,163 --> 00:43:54,866 What? And she's not self-conscious. 1156 00:43:54,933 --> 00:43:59,337 So many women hide their bodies these days, but not her 1157 00:44:01,907 --> 00:44:03,241 How did you get that? 1158 00:44:03,308 --> 00:44:05,844 The little camera thing came on against my... 1159 00:44:05,911 --> 00:44:07,645 And she, you know... There she is. 1160 00:44:07,713 --> 00:44:09,080 Jackpot! 1161 00:44:09,147 --> 00:44:10,716 Look at that arrow. Should I press it? 1162 00:44:10,782 --> 00:44:12,350 No. Why not? 1163 00:44:12,417 --> 00:44:13,785 Okay, yes. 1164 00:44:13,852 --> 00:44:15,553 [PRESSES KEY, PALM PILOT CHIMESÑ 1165 00:44:15,620 --> 00:44:17,188 Oh, my God. There's so many. 1166 00:44:19,791 --> 00:44:21,126 I'm not doing this. 1167 00:44:21,192 --> 00:44:22,694 I can't. Okay. 1168 00:44:22,761 --> 00:44:24,095 I can't. It's like going through someone's drawers. 1169 00:44:24,162 --> 00:44:26,231 Hey, Stace, would you wear a thong... 1170 00:44:26,297 --> 00:44:28,399 in front of your boyfriend's parents... 1171 00:44:28,466 --> 00:44:29,801 repeatedly? 1172 00:44:29,868 --> 00:44:32,370 My boyfriend's parents? 1173 00:44:35,406 --> 00:44:38,276 "Mom, Dad, Joyce. Hawaii, '99"? 1174 00:44:38,343 --> 00:44:40,445 He doesn't bring girls home, huh? 1175 00:44:40,511 --> 00:44:42,613 Oh, look. Christmas '98. 1176 00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:44,149 They went to Aspen. 1177 00:44:44,215 --> 00:44:46,151 I can't believe this. 1178 00:44:46,217 --> 00:44:49,054 He could have a sister named Joyce who he French kisses. 1179 00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:50,956 And licks. 1180 00:44:51,022 --> 00:44:52,490 Mmm. 1181 00:44:52,557 --> 00:44:54,760 Dare you to press the next arrow. 1182 00:44:54,826 --> 00:44:56,094 Shit! 1183 00:44:56,161 --> 00:44:57,963 How bad? Shit! 1184 00:44:58,029 --> 00:44:59,865 Pornographic? It's out of power. 1185 00:44:59,931 --> 00:45:01,099 Where are we going? 1186 00:45:01,166 --> 00:45:02,700 We're gonna put this baby in a cradle. 1187 00:45:02,768 --> 00:45:04,435 Okay. Okay. Come on! 1188 00:45:05,470 --> 00:45:06,872 Hurry up, Bob! 1189 00:45:15,613 --> 00:45:17,148 I'll be right back. 1190 00:45:21,820 --> 00:45:24,122 All systems go! 1191 00:45:24,189 --> 00:45:26,224 Okay! 1192 00:45:36,434 --> 00:45:38,436 I know. 1193 00:45:38,503 --> 00:45:41,072 Because you can. 1194 00:45:46,812 --> 00:45:48,914 Would I like to sync? 1195 00:45:48,980 --> 00:45:50,849 Kinky. 1196 00:45:53,418 --> 00:45:55,987 Entertainment. Absolument. 1197 00:45:59,624 --> 00:46:01,726 Here's the thing... No! 1198 00:46:03,061 --> 00:46:04,562 No! 1199 00:46:04,629 --> 00:46:06,364 You'll thank me. I know. 1200 00:46:08,766 --> 00:46:10,101 Jesus! 1201 00:46:10,168 --> 00:46:11,702 Wow. 1202 00:46:11,769 --> 00:46:15,040 Presenting Joyce Moore and her cheesy music. 1203 00:46:15,106 --> 00:46:16,908 Make it stop. 1204 00:46:16,975 --> 00:46:18,309 Barbara! 1205 00:46:18,376 --> 00:46:20,345 Trying. Trying. Please make it stop. 1206 00:46:23,214 --> 00:46:25,583 Oh, great. Now it's frozen. 1207 00:46:25,650 --> 00:46:27,118 Hey, if you can do better... 1208 00:46:27,185 --> 00:46:28,719 Later. Listen. 1209 00:46:28,786 --> 00:46:30,655 Here's the thing. 1210 00:46:30,721 --> 00:46:33,224 If you were happy with what you know, 1211 00:46:33,291 --> 00:46:35,393 do you deserve an explanation about what you don't? 1212 00:46:35,460 --> 00:46:37,195 Mmm. I'm... No. 1213 00:46:37,262 --> 00:46:38,596 I mean, hypothetically, 1214 00:46:38,663 --> 00:46:40,398 you're in this great relationship with Neil... 1215 00:46:40,465 --> 00:46:41,799 That's his name, right? 1216 00:46:41,867 --> 00:46:43,601 I was never in a good relationship with Neil. 1217 00:46:43,668 --> 00:46:45,136 Hypothetically. 1218 00:46:45,203 --> 00:46:47,973 You get married, you have kids. 1219 00:46:48,039 --> 00:46:50,675 I mean, you're totally and completely fulfilled. 1220 00:46:50,741 --> 00:46:51,776 Then Neil dies... 1221 00:46:52,911 --> 00:46:54,012 Where's that dial tone coming from? 1222 00:46:54,079 --> 00:46:55,947 I don't know. Tragically? Does he die tragically? 1223 00:46:56,014 --> 00:46:57,949 Okay. And then you find out he cheated, 1224 00:46:58,016 --> 00:46:59,584 that he had this whole other life. 1225 00:46:59,650 --> 00:47:02,353 Now, does that detract from what you two had together? 1226 00:47:02,420 --> 00:47:03,754 Does it make it all a lie? 1227 00:47:03,821 --> 00:47:05,523 Yes. Why? 1228 00:47:05,590 --> 00:47:08,894 Because omissions are betrayals. 1229 00:47:10,261 --> 00:47:11,930 Omissions are... Betrayals. 1230 00:47:11,997 --> 00:47:13,764 They are betrayals. 1231 00:47:14,900 --> 00:47:16,401 Is that your cell? 1232 00:47:16,467 --> 00:47:17,802 Mine whistles. 1233 00:47:17,869 --> 00:47:19,604 Hey there. It's Joyce Moore. 1234 00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:21,439 Do the deed after the beep. 1235 00:47:21,506 --> 00:47:23,108 What? 1236 00:47:23,174 --> 00:47:25,343 The computer called Joyce. 1237 00:47:25,410 --> 00:47:28,046 What did you do?! Nothing. I was standing here! 1238 00:47:29,547 --> 00:47:31,082 Hey, you got Derek's machine. 1239 00:47:31,149 --> 00:47:33,084 You know what to do and when to do it. 1240 00:47:33,151 --> 00:47:35,686 Derek, are you there? It's Joyce. 1241 00:47:35,753 --> 00:47:37,088 My caller ID said you just phoned. 1242 00:47:37,155 --> 00:47:38,589 Why'd you hang up? 1243 00:47:38,656 --> 00:47:40,591 I've been waiting for you to call since last week. 1244 00:47:40,658 --> 00:47:41,993 What? 1245 00:47:42,060 --> 00:47:43,394 Okay, give me a holler. 1246 00:47:43,461 --> 00:47:45,363 If I'm not home, try my cell. 1247 00:47:45,430 --> 00:47:48,199 By the way, everyone loved your joke. 1248 00:47:48,266 --> 00:47:49,400 Bye. 1249 00:47:49,467 --> 00:47:51,369 His joke? 1250 00:47:51,436 --> 00:47:53,404 What joke? 1251 00:47:53,471 --> 00:47:55,806 Derek doesn't joke. 1252 00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:57,542 Nobody thinks he's funny. 1253 00:47:57,608 --> 00:47:59,544 He's not funny. What does this mean? 1254 00:47:59,610 --> 00:48:01,612 I think it means she's not history. 1255 00:48:03,614 --> 00:48:05,083 Is it always like this here? 1256 00:48:05,150 --> 00:48:06,451 Hey, you got Derek's machine. 1257 00:48:06,517 --> 00:48:08,553 You know what to do and when to do it. 1258 00:48:08,619 --> 00:48:11,589 Oh, God. It's Derek. He's checking the messages. 1259 00:48:11,656 --> 00:48:12,991 He's gonna hear Joyce. 1260 00:48:13,058 --> 00:48:15,460 E-e-e-e-e-erase it. 1261 00:48:15,526 --> 00:48:16,827 Smash it! Do something! Okay. 1262 00:48:16,894 --> 00:48:18,796 How? What am I gonna do? 1263 00:48:18,863 --> 00:48:20,665 Kill it! Arggh! I... Okay. 1264 00:48:20,731 --> 00:48:22,433 Okay. Get... Ooh! 1265 00:48:25,070 --> 00:48:26,104 Derek... 1266 00:48:29,307 --> 00:48:31,009 Good! There! Yeah! 1267 00:48:31,076 --> 00:48:32,477 Ha! 1268 00:48:37,082 --> 00:48:39,117 What? 1269 00:48:39,184 --> 00:48:43,121 I've just smashed an answering machine with a hockey stick! 1270 00:48:43,188 --> 00:48:44,922 Damn proud of you! 1271 00:48:44,990 --> 00:48:47,892 There were numbers on that machine that he needed and I... 1272 00:48:47,959 --> 00:48:49,927 I've just smashed it. 1273 00:48:49,995 --> 00:48:52,097 I smashed the hell out of it. 1274 00:48:52,163 --> 00:48:54,265 God's punishing me. 1275 00:48:54,332 --> 00:48:56,367 I hear you, God. 1276 00:48:56,434 --> 00:48:58,003 You can stop now. 1277 00:49:01,172 --> 00:49:02,673 What has happened to me? 1278 00:49:02,740 --> 00:49:04,875 You've discovered truth. 1279 00:49:04,942 --> 00:49:07,612 I've discovered a whole other reality. 1280 00:49:07,678 --> 00:49:11,582 They all talk. Dr. Keyes and Derek. Joyce and Derek? 1281 00:49:11,649 --> 00:49:14,185 Maybe... Maybe they all talk to each other. 1282 00:49:14,252 --> 00:49:15,987 Maybe it's just me they don't talk to. 1283 00:49:16,054 --> 00:49:18,689 Bottom line is... he's withheld. 1284 00:49:18,756 --> 00:49:20,391 I'm gonna find out what's going on. 1285 00:49:20,458 --> 00:49:21,659 Good! 1286 00:49:21,726 --> 00:49:23,161 Why she was waiting for his call. 1287 00:49:23,228 --> 00:49:24,262 Good question. 1288 00:49:24,329 --> 00:49:25,563 And if he still sees her, 1289 00:49:25,630 --> 00:49:27,032 why don't I know? Better question. 1290 00:49:27,098 --> 00:49:28,499 And if he has nothing to hide, 1291 00:49:28,566 --> 00:49:30,768 why does he insist on hiding these old relationships? 1292 00:49:30,835 --> 00:49:32,270 Want me to write these down? 1293 00:49:32,337 --> 00:49:34,872 So I guess I need to know... 1294 00:49:34,939 --> 00:49:37,675 what I don't know. 1295 00:49:37,742 --> 00:49:40,711 I just need to. 1296 00:49:40,778 --> 00:49:43,314 ...the new Jerusalem... 1297 00:49:43,381 --> 00:49:45,483 Hi, Joyce Moore? 1298 00:49:45,550 --> 00:49:48,153 I'm sorry to call so late. 1299 00:49:48,219 --> 00:49:52,290 This is Barb Campbell-hyphen- Dunn from the Kippie Kann show 1300 00:49:52,357 --> 00:49:54,259 We're doing a segment on chefs 1301 00:49:54,325 --> 00:49:56,261 and we'd love to talk to you. 1302 00:49:56,327 --> 00:49:57,862 No, I'm not kidding. 1303 00:49:57,928 --> 00:49:59,430 Okay. 1304 00:49:59,497 --> 00:50:01,499 So I'll call tomorrow and we'll set something up. 1305 00:50:01,566 --> 00:50:03,434 I'd love to talk to you. 1306 00:50:03,501 --> 00:50:04,935 Bye-bye. 1307 00:50:08,373 --> 00:50:14,011 ♪ It's asking for the taking ♪ 1308 00:50:14,079 --> 00:50:18,983 ♪ Trembling, shaking ♪ 1309 00:50:19,050 --> 00:50:24,322 ♪ Oh, my heart is aching ♪ 1310 00:50:24,389 --> 00:50:27,458 ♪ We've come to the edge ♪ ♪ Running on the water ♪ 1311 00:50:27,525 --> 00:50:30,128 ♪ Coming through the fog ♪ ♪ Your sons and daughters ♪ 1312 00:50:30,195 --> 00:50:32,763 ♪ Let the river run ♪ 1313 00:50:32,830 --> 00:50:34,332 ♪ Let the river run ♪ 1314 00:50:34,399 --> 00:50:36,067 ♪ Let all the dreamers ♪ 1315 00:50:36,134 --> 00:50:37,268 ♪ Let all the dreamers ♪ 1316 00:50:37,335 --> 00:50:38,469 ♪ Wake the nation ♪ 1317 00:50:38,536 --> 00:50:40,205 ♪ Wake the nation ♪ 1318 00:50:40,271 --> 00:50:42,107 ♪ Come ♪ 1319 00:50:42,173 --> 00:50:49,080 ♪ The new Jerusalem ♪ 1320 00:50:51,949 --> 00:50:53,384 I'll have a double espresso... Sorry, no. 1321 00:50:53,451 --> 00:50:54,985 What? 1322 00:50:55,052 --> 00:50:56,854 I live in a basement apartment on Malverne. 1323 00:50:56,921 --> 00:51:00,325 You were hiding in my doorway last night, smothering a dog. 1324 00:51:00,391 --> 00:51:02,427 I was not smothering him. 1325 00:51:02,493 --> 00:51:04,395 It's a little game we play. 1326 00:51:04,462 --> 00:51:06,197 Double espresso, please. 1327 00:51:06,264 --> 00:51:07,632 You already scare people. 1328 00:51:07,698 --> 00:51:10,201 More caffeine will make you a freak. 1329 00:51:10,268 --> 00:51:12,036 Are you trying to upset me? 1330 00:51:12,103 --> 00:51:14,038 If I do, are you gonna hold my snout? 1331 00:51:14,105 --> 00:51:16,707 I'll get the latte and you get a chai iced tea. 1332 00:51:16,774 --> 00:51:19,377 We'll switch after.Thanks. 1333 00:51:19,444 --> 00:51:21,212 I heard that. 1334 00:51:21,279 --> 00:51:23,948 Joyce? Hi. 1335 00:51:24,014 --> 00:51:25,616 Hi. You're Barb? 1336 00:51:25,683 --> 00:51:27,352 How'd you know it was me? 1337 00:51:27,418 --> 00:51:29,387 Lucky guess. 1338 00:51:30,555 --> 00:51:31,989 I'll be watching. 1339 00:51:33,891 --> 00:51:35,493 You're a jokester. 1340 00:51:35,560 --> 00:51:36,994 Yeah. 1341 00:51:37,061 --> 00:51:39,864 We have this little thing. 1342 00:51:41,232 --> 00:51:43,868 So I've heard amazing things about you, 1343 00:51:43,934 --> 00:51:45,570 about the Kaleidoscope. 1344 00:51:45,636 --> 00:51:47,772 From? People. 1345 00:51:47,838 --> 00:51:50,641 Who've been there. Who know your work. 1346 00:51:50,708 --> 00:51:52,143 You have a fan base. 1347 00:51:52,210 --> 00:51:53,811 I'm only on two nights a week. 1348 00:51:53,878 --> 00:51:56,414 Quality, not quantity. Yes. 1349 00:51:56,481 --> 00:51:58,249 So, um, tell me about the show. 1350 00:51:58,316 --> 00:51:59,584 I haven't watched for a while, 1351 00:51:59,650 --> 00:52:01,552 but doesn't Kippie Kann 1352 00:52:01,619 --> 00:52:03,821 do more of the "my wife slept with my sister..." 1353 00:52:03,888 --> 00:52:06,023 "And my dad." Ew. Ew. 1354 00:52:07,625 --> 00:52:09,894 No, we're trying to revamp the show right now. 1355 00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:12,930 So I pitched this idea, which is this cook-off. 1356 00:52:12,997 --> 00:52:15,065 This is its research stage where I pretend 1357 00:52:15,132 --> 00:52:17,535 that I'm Diane Sawyer asking brilliant questions, 1358 00:52:17,602 --> 00:52:19,036 while looking chic. 1359 00:52:19,103 --> 00:52:20,371 Well, that's funny. 1360 00:52:20,438 --> 00:52:22,373 You know, she was just in the restaurant last week. 1361 00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:24,509 Do you want your latte? 1362 00:52:24,575 --> 00:52:26,177 No. Who was? 1363 00:52:26,244 --> 00:52:27,445 Diane Sawyer. 1364 00:52:27,512 --> 00:52:30,281 She was here... in Jersey? Yeah. 1365 00:52:30,348 --> 00:52:32,683 The night manager knows her field producer, 1366 00:52:32,750 --> 00:52:35,119 so they all came in for this big dinner. 1367 00:52:35,186 --> 00:52:36,587 She's really nice. 1368 00:52:37,555 --> 00:52:38,589 She is? 1369 00:52:38,656 --> 00:52:39,757 Wow. 1370 00:52:39,824 --> 00:52:42,126 I have wanted to meet her my whole, entire life. 1371 00:52:42,193 --> 00:52:43,394 Then you will. 1372 00:52:43,461 --> 00:52:45,296 I believe in destiny, don't you? 1373 00:52:45,363 --> 00:52:46,564 I do. 1374 00:52:48,299 --> 00:52:49,900 Excuse me. Mm-hm. Yeah. 1375 00:52:49,967 --> 00:52:51,135 Coming, coming, coming, coming. 1376 00:52:51,202 --> 00:52:52,870 Hey. 1377 00:52:52,937 --> 00:52:54,071 Kipp! 1378 00:52:54,138 --> 00:52:56,674 I'm just in the middle of an interview. 1379 00:52:56,741 --> 00:52:57,875 Okay. Uh, yeah, I'm sorry. 1380 00:52:57,942 --> 00:52:59,477 Listen, uh, real quick, then. 1381 00:52:59,544 --> 00:53:01,279 My machine at home is screwed up 1382 00:53:01,346 --> 00:53:03,080 and I need to get a couple of numbers. 1383 00:53:03,147 --> 00:53:04,549 Do you know where my Palm is? Yeah. 1384 00:53:04,615 --> 00:53:06,317 Ah, that's great. Okay, I need to get... 1385 00:53:06,384 --> 00:53:07,385 Could you look up Rafalski? 1386 00:53:07,452 --> 00:53:08,553 Yikes! 1387 00:53:11,856 --> 00:53:13,458 Stace? Uh, yeah, yeah. 1388 00:53:13,524 --> 00:53:15,260 Can I borrow a pen? Mm-hm. 1389 00:53:15,326 --> 00:53:16,461 And a piece of... 1390 00:53:16,527 --> 00:53:18,162 Thank you. 1391 00:53:18,229 --> 00:53:19,397 Thanks. 1392 00:53:19,464 --> 00:53:20,465 Rafalski. 1393 00:53:20,531 --> 00:53:22,767 Rafalski. 1394 00:53:22,833 --> 00:53:23,901 And Langenbrunner. 1395 00:53:23,968 --> 00:53:28,138 And Langenbrunner. 1396 00:53:28,205 --> 00:53:29,807 Is that it? That's it. 1397 00:53:29,874 --> 00:53:30,875 I love you. 1398 00:53:30,941 --> 00:53:32,543 I love you! 1399 00:53:33,478 --> 00:53:34,545 You too, Kipp. 1400 00:53:34,612 --> 00:53:35,746 Oh, hey, listen. 1401 00:53:35,813 --> 00:53:37,448 Before I forget, the password is "Bob." 1402 00:53:37,515 --> 00:53:38,983 Gotcha. 1403 00:53:39,049 --> 00:53:40,318 All right, bye. 1404 00:53:40,385 --> 00:53:42,387 Okay, then. 1405 00:53:42,453 --> 00:53:45,323 Can I ask you something totally none of my business? 1406 00:53:45,390 --> 00:53:46,724 Were you just talking to Kippie Kann 1407 00:53:46,791 --> 00:53:49,394 about Jamie Langenbrunner and Brian Rafalski? 1408 00:53:49,460 --> 00:53:51,496 You know them? I wish! 1409 00:53:51,562 --> 00:53:54,131 I am the biggest hockey nut this side of Newark. 1410 00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:57,802 We're trying to book them on the show. 1411 00:53:57,868 --> 00:53:59,804 We're doing a whole recruiting segment. 1412 00:53:59,870 --> 00:54:01,506 I'm their hockey gal. 1413 00:54:01,572 --> 00:54:03,774 You should meet my ex. He's a scout for the Devils. 1414 00:54:03,841 --> 00:54:06,411 Here, give me your Palm and I can beam you his number. 1415 00:54:06,477 --> 00:54:07,545 It's frozen. 1416 00:54:07,612 --> 00:54:08,813 I can fix it. Mmm, doh. 1417 00:54:08,879 --> 00:54:11,349 No. That's so sweet, but thank you. 1418 00:54:11,416 --> 00:54:13,751 Okay, well, why don't you just hold down the power button? 1419 00:54:13,818 --> 00:54:15,353 Go ahead. 1420 00:54:16,387 --> 00:54:17,622 Power button. 1421 00:54:18,856 --> 00:54:20,625 And you should hear a... 1422 00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:24,395 And fingers crossed... 1423 00:54:24,462 --> 00:54:25,563 Fingers crossed. 1424 00:54:25,630 --> 00:54:26,831 ...it will reset. 1425 00:54:27,832 --> 00:54:29,199 Okay. 1426 00:54:31,436 --> 00:54:33,404 I cannot believe it. 1427 00:54:36,106 --> 00:54:37,542 I can explain. 1428 00:54:37,608 --> 00:54:40,311 You have I Spy. That's a brand-new program. 1429 00:54:40,378 --> 00:54:41,512 Do you mind? 1430 00:54:41,579 --> 00:54:43,481 Having I Spy? No, I don't mind. 1431 00:54:43,548 --> 00:54:45,516 Do you mind beaming it to me? 1432 00:54:45,583 --> 00:54:47,151 Here, I can... Want me to show you? 1433 00:54:47,217 --> 00:54:48,586 Just do this. 1434 00:54:49,720 --> 00:54:51,756 This. And... 1435 00:54:53,090 --> 00:54:54,992 Voilà! 1436 00:54:55,059 --> 00:54:56,193 Voilà, what? 1437 00:54:56,260 --> 00:54:57,495 Voilà, now I've got it. 1438 00:54:57,562 --> 00:54:58,996 But it's his... Mine. 1439 00:54:59,063 --> 00:55:00,531 I want it back, please. 1440 00:55:00,598 --> 00:55:02,800 No, we both have it. 1441 00:55:02,867 --> 00:55:04,769 You have one and I have its twin. 1442 00:55:06,971 --> 00:55:08,706 You've never done it before. 1443 00:55:08,773 --> 00:55:11,241 Virgin. Damn proud of it. 1444 00:55:13,010 --> 00:55:14,479 You're funny. 1445 00:55:14,545 --> 00:55:17,147 So I work next Wednesday. 1446 00:55:17,214 --> 00:55:18,783 Why don't you come by for dinner? 1447 00:55:18,849 --> 00:55:21,251 I will wow you with my chicken paillard. 1448 00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:23,954 How could I refuse? 1449 00:55:24,021 --> 00:55:28,025 She had an ease, an openness, and the answers. 1450 00:55:28,092 --> 00:55:30,060 She had the answers. 1451 00:55:30,127 --> 00:55:31,496 Party! 1452 00:55:31,562 --> 00:55:32,730 Uh! 1453 00:55:37,167 --> 00:55:38,869 Kippie! Watch it, here! Watch it! 1454 00:55:42,039 --> 00:55:43,841 Cut it! Phil, cut it! 1455 00:55:43,908 --> 00:55:45,275 Cut it. Reset. 1456 00:55:45,342 --> 00:55:47,111 Oh, God, she's coming up. 1457 00:55:47,177 --> 00:55:48,278 She's coming up. 1458 00:55:48,345 --> 00:55:49,480 Katie! 1459 00:55:49,547 --> 00:55:50,981 Take it easy. 1460 00:55:51,048 --> 00:55:52,049 Okay! 1461 00:55:55,553 --> 00:55:57,321 Seven, eight, nine... 1462 00:55:57,388 --> 00:55:58,523 Carl! 1463 00:55:58,589 --> 00:56:00,925 What? You were fantastic. 1464 00:56:00,991 --> 00:56:02,827 That was very emotional. 1465 00:56:02,893 --> 00:56:04,028 Phil? 1466 00:56:04,094 --> 00:56:05,329 Yeah, I teared up. 1467 00:56:05,396 --> 00:56:07,097 Trust me, no one does midgets like Kippie. 1468 00:56:07,164 --> 00:56:08,265 Like you. 1469 00:56:08,332 --> 00:56:09,400 But everyone does 'em! 1470 00:56:09,467 --> 00:56:11,101 Don't you get it? 1471 00:56:11,168 --> 00:56:13,771 I want something fresh, original... 1472 00:56:13,838 --> 00:56:14,872 It was his idea. 1473 00:56:14,939 --> 00:56:16,073 Ira? 1474 00:56:16,140 --> 00:56:17,975 Now she remembers my name. 1475 00:56:18,042 --> 00:56:20,377 Can somebody get these midgets out? I'm tripping all over 'em 1476 00:56:20,445 --> 00:56:22,146 Here comes the numbers speech. 1477 00:56:24,549 --> 00:56:27,785 My numbers go up, your numbers go up. 1478 00:56:27,852 --> 00:56:29,219 Mm-hm. Mm-hm. 1479 00:56:29,286 --> 00:56:32,389 My success is your success. 1480 00:56:32,457 --> 00:56:34,291 Jerry Maguire. Jerry Maguire. 1481 00:56:34,358 --> 00:56:37,094 Help Kippie help you! 1482 00:56:37,161 --> 00:56:39,296 Mm-hm, mm-hm. That was very moving. 1483 00:56:39,363 --> 00:56:41,466 I think we should all take a moment... 1484 00:56:41,532 --> 00:56:42,667 Places! 1485 00:56:42,733 --> 00:56:43,934 Miserable midgets! 1486 00:56:44,001 --> 00:56:45,102 Moment's up. 1487 00:56:45,169 --> 00:56:47,271 Places! Stand by, intro. 1488 00:56:47,337 --> 00:56:48,639 We're back in one. 1489 00:56:48,706 --> 00:56:50,040 We are just about ready 1490 00:56:50,107 --> 00:56:51,609 Phil, we're reset. 1491 00:56:51,676 --> 00:56:52,977 Okay, stand by, Kippie. 1492 00:56:53,043 --> 00:56:56,346 "'Kippie's Kute Kouplings' continues." 1493 00:56:56,413 --> 00:56:58,048 Three, two... 1494 00:57:00,117 --> 00:57:02,887 Bob, I want you to move in really tight. 1495 00:57:02,953 --> 00:57:06,524 Tighter, tighter, tighter, till I tell you to stop. 1496 00:57:06,591 --> 00:57:08,726 Yeah. There. Take it. 1497 00:57:08,793 --> 00:57:11,629 We've a collection of cute couples to clear things up. 1498 00:57:12,897 --> 00:57:14,231 I can't believe this. 1499 00:57:17,935 --> 00:57:19,236 What are you so worried about? 1500 00:57:19,303 --> 00:57:21,772 Do you think my idea is good? I mean, enough... 1501 00:57:21,839 --> 00:57:23,173 For the live show? Yeah. 1502 00:57:23,240 --> 00:57:25,009 Absolutely. I'm convinced they'll give it to you. 1503 00:57:25,075 --> 00:57:27,244 "Grandma Was a Grandpa Last Week"? Over here. 1504 00:57:27,311 --> 00:57:28,312 Why? What do you know? 1505 00:57:28,378 --> 00:57:29,580 Not much. 1506 00:57:29,647 --> 00:57:31,281 It's just, after staff... 1507 00:57:31,348 --> 00:57:32,850 When? Monday. 1508 00:57:32,917 --> 00:57:35,319 Today's the big day! I know! 1509 00:57:35,385 --> 00:57:36,453 Go on. 1510 00:57:36,521 --> 00:57:37,822 I overheard them. 1511 00:57:37,888 --> 00:57:39,189 Pardon me? Who? Who? 1512 00:57:39,256 --> 00:57:41,225 Uh, Barb, Carl, Kippie. 1513 00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:42,560 Kippie? Kippie? Kippie's there? 1514 00:57:42,627 --> 00:57:43,661 Yes. 1515 00:57:43,728 --> 00:57:44,795 Continue. 1516 00:57:44,862 --> 00:57:46,430 Well, they thought 1517 00:57:46,497 --> 00:57:47,998 your "Little Black Book" idea was great. 1518 00:57:49,166 --> 00:57:50,334 They're right. 1519 00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:52,703 I mean, uh... it's my time. 1520 00:57:54,304 --> 00:57:57,041 I put in the work. I'm next up for promotion. 1521 00:57:57,107 --> 00:57:58,208 It only makes sense. 1522 00:57:58,275 --> 00:57:59,577 It only makes sense. 1523 00:58:01,512 --> 00:58:02,913 Little black books. Little black books. 1524 00:58:02,980 --> 00:58:05,249 Little black books. Little black books. 1525 00:58:05,315 --> 00:58:06,751 This season's live show 1526 00:58:06,817 --> 00:58:08,919 will be... 1527 00:58:08,986 --> 00:58:11,155 Little black books. Little black books. 1528 00:58:11,221 --> 00:58:12,322 "Plastic Surgery Nightmares." 1529 00:58:12,389 --> 00:58:16,126 Congratulations, Barb. Our newest producer. 1530 00:58:16,193 --> 00:58:17,662 Way to go, girl. 1531 00:58:17,728 --> 00:58:18,863 Good one. 1532 00:58:20,598 --> 00:58:22,332 Now, people. People. 1533 00:58:22,399 --> 00:58:23,601 People. 1534 00:58:23,668 --> 00:58:24,835 Since we are live, 1535 00:58:24,902 --> 00:58:26,403 I'm expecting everybody to pitch in, right? 1536 00:58:26,470 --> 00:58:27,638 Right. 1537 00:58:27,705 --> 00:58:28,706 Right. Now that's a wrap. 1538 00:58:29,940 --> 00:58:30,975 - Katie? - Yes? 1539 00:58:31,041 --> 00:58:32,042 Tough luck, Ira. 1540 00:58:40,818 --> 00:58:42,286 Sorry, Ira. 1541 00:58:42,352 --> 00:58:43,888 Maybe next sweeps. 1542 00:58:43,954 --> 00:58:45,222 Sweet. 1543 00:58:46,657 --> 00:58:48,158 Naive, but sweet. 1544 00:58:49,359 --> 00:58:50,460 Hey. 1545 00:58:50,527 --> 00:58:52,329 You wanna go to dinner? 1546 00:58:52,396 --> 00:58:53,430 Uh, can't. 1547 00:58:53,497 --> 00:58:54,498 I'm on the collection committee 1548 00:58:54,565 --> 00:58:55,633 for the Kippie Kann Kan Drive, 1549 00:58:55,700 --> 00:58:57,034 the Kippie Kares for Kids Koalition. 1550 00:58:57,101 --> 00:58:58,168 Catch you later. 1551 00:58:58,235 --> 00:58:59,236 'Kay. 1552 00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:04,241 Is he okay? 1553 00:59:04,308 --> 00:59:07,077 Uh, he's trying to be. 1554 00:59:07,144 --> 00:59:09,146 How about you? Urban legend. 1555 00:59:09,213 --> 00:59:12,717 Huh? You said APs never get the live show. 1556 00:59:12,783 --> 00:59:14,384 What do I know? Come with me. 1557 00:59:14,451 --> 00:59:15,753 I've got a surprise for you. 1558 00:59:16,854 --> 00:59:18,522 Carl, here she is. 1559 00:59:21,626 --> 00:59:22,660 Stacy... 1560 00:59:22,727 --> 00:59:25,062 Kippie liked your idea too. 1561 00:59:25,129 --> 00:59:26,831 Yeah. 1562 00:59:26,897 --> 00:59:28,933 For the tri-state cook-off! 1563 00:59:28,999 --> 00:59:30,868 So if you could ask... What's her name? 1564 00:59:30,935 --> 00:59:32,502 Joyce. Joyce. 1565 00:59:32,569 --> 00:59:34,271 If we could have it at the... Kaleidoscope Kitchen. 1566 00:59:34,338 --> 00:59:35,640 Oh, love the K's. 1567 00:59:35,706 --> 00:59:36,707 And Kippie loves cook-offs, 1568 00:59:36,774 --> 00:59:38,108 so you get those pre-interviews in 1569 00:59:38,175 --> 00:59:39,443 by the end of the week. 1570 00:59:39,509 --> 00:59:41,411 Barb, you copilot. Katie. 1571 00:59:41,478 --> 00:59:42,847 Carl, can I talk to you about Kippie's fund-raiser? 1572 00:59:42,913 --> 00:59:44,782 Was he saying...? Are you saying...? 1573 00:59:44,849 --> 00:59:45,883 Congratulations. 1574 00:59:47,184 --> 00:59:49,053 My first show! 1575 00:59:49,119 --> 00:59:51,521 I mean, it's not a done deal or anything, but... 1576 00:59:51,588 --> 00:59:52,723 I mean, at least I'll have 1577 00:59:52,790 --> 00:59:54,558 something legitimate to offer Joyce. 1578 00:59:54,625 --> 00:59:55,793 This is perfect! 1579 00:59:55,860 --> 00:59:57,394 It's perfect! Thank you. 1580 00:59:59,396 --> 01:00:01,198 Oh. I'm sorry. 1581 01:00:01,265 --> 01:00:02,366 That's okay. It's fine. 1582 01:00:02,432 --> 01:00:03,500 I'm smiling. 1583 01:00:06,170 --> 01:00:07,537 Now Joyce could bake her cake 1584 01:00:07,604 --> 01:00:10,007 and the audience could eat it too. 1585 01:00:10,074 --> 01:00:11,475 Get that out to table four. 1586 01:00:11,541 --> 01:00:12,977 Make sure they still have wine. 1587 01:00:14,278 --> 01:00:15,946 Which somehow made me feel 1588 01:00:16,013 --> 01:00:19,449 a little less like the lying scumbag that I was. 1589 01:00:19,516 --> 01:00:21,986 And voilà. 1590 01:00:23,688 --> 01:00:25,355 And this is for dessert. 1591 01:00:25,422 --> 01:00:26,957 What? 1592 01:00:27,024 --> 01:00:28,759 What did you do? 1593 01:00:30,928 --> 01:00:33,163 Oh! Joyce! 1594 01:00:33,230 --> 01:00:35,800 Open it. 1595 01:00:35,866 --> 01:00:38,836 "To Barb. I can't wait to... Love, Diane." 1596 01:00:38,903 --> 01:00:40,570 I can't believe you! 1597 01:00:40,637 --> 01:00:41,872 The night manager got it for you. 1598 01:00:41,939 --> 01:00:42,973 It's just a little thing. 1599 01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:44,074 Thank you! 1600 01:00:44,141 --> 01:00:45,309 You're welcome. 1601 01:00:45,375 --> 01:00:46,510 Table 24 left this for you. 1602 01:00:46,576 --> 01:00:47,611 Thank you, Gordon. 1603 01:00:47,678 --> 01:00:49,146 It's Pat Burns. He's the... 1604 01:00:49,213 --> 01:00:50,948 Head coach for the New Jersey Devils. I know. 1605 01:00:51,015 --> 01:00:52,783 Right, I forgot. You're the hockey gal. 1606 01:00:54,418 --> 01:00:56,721 Oh! Oh, my God! 1607 01:00:57,722 --> 01:00:59,990 Tickets for the playoffs? 1608 01:01:00,057 --> 01:01:01,558 You're beloved. 1609 01:01:01,625 --> 01:01:03,060 Come with me. 1610 01:01:03,127 --> 01:01:04,128 They're for tomorrow night. 1611 01:01:04,194 --> 01:01:05,362 I mean, if you can. 1612 01:01:05,429 --> 01:01:06,897 These are tickets for the Stanley Cup. 1613 01:01:06,964 --> 01:01:09,066 You're a crazy girl. 1614 01:01:09,133 --> 01:01:12,770 Well, I don't know anyone else who likes hockey. 1615 01:01:12,837 --> 01:01:13,871 Except my little brother. 1616 01:01:13,938 --> 01:01:15,272 And I'd rather go with you. 1617 01:01:16,340 --> 01:01:17,975 And Derek will be there. 1618 01:01:18,042 --> 01:01:20,377 I'm s... Who? 1619 01:01:20,444 --> 01:01:21,879 My ex. 1620 01:01:21,946 --> 01:01:24,148 I told you about him. He works for the Devils. 1621 01:01:24,214 --> 01:01:25,950 We'll meet him after the game for a drink. 1622 01:01:26,016 --> 01:01:27,017 It's a ritual. 1623 01:01:28,018 --> 01:01:29,353 Oh, really? 1624 01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:31,789 Oh, my God. 1625 01:01:31,856 --> 01:01:33,423 The beautiful people have arrived. 1626 01:01:33,490 --> 01:01:36,660 They come every Wednesday night to be seen. 1627 01:01:39,696 --> 01:01:41,131 Anyway, I better call the manager 1628 01:01:41,198 --> 01:01:42,733 and make sure the camera crew is cleared. 1629 01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:43,934 So we're on for the game? 1630 01:01:44,001 --> 01:01:45,202 Yeah. Great. Give me a call. 1631 01:01:45,269 --> 01:01:46,303 You have my number? Yep. 1632 01:01:46,370 --> 01:01:47,872 Okay, good. Oh! 1633 01:01:47,938 --> 01:01:49,706 Those are Manolos, you clumsy... 1634 01:01:50,507 --> 01:01:52,276 Joyce. 1635 01:01:52,342 --> 01:01:54,678 If I were you, I wouldn't finish that statement. 1636 01:01:56,346 --> 01:01:57,347 Stacy? 1637 01:01:58,883 --> 01:02:00,785 Lulu! 1638 01:02:00,851 --> 01:02:02,319 Get a shot of us. 1639 01:02:02,386 --> 01:02:04,454 She produces the Kippie Kann show. 1640 01:02:04,521 --> 01:02:06,556 Why is she calling you Stacy, Barb? 1641 01:02:06,623 --> 01:02:07,691 That's her name. 1642 01:02:07,758 --> 01:02:10,527 No, actually, my name is Barb. 1643 01:02:10,594 --> 01:02:13,363 The other woman you met's name is Stacy. 1644 01:02:13,430 --> 01:02:14,899 No. Yes. 1645 01:02:14,965 --> 01:02:16,633 She was Barb. No. 1646 01:02:16,700 --> 01:02:17,935 Huh? 1647 01:02:18,002 --> 01:02:19,236 What? 1648 01:02:19,303 --> 01:02:20,805 Enjoy your meal. 1649 01:02:20,871 --> 01:02:23,173 Join us, Stacy-Barb? 1650 01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:25,810 Uh-uh. 1651 01:02:25,876 --> 01:02:27,812 Okay, Phillip. Bring your camera. Follow me. 1652 01:02:27,878 --> 01:02:29,847 How do you know her? 1653 01:02:31,782 --> 01:02:34,051 We did a show last year on bulimia. 1654 01:02:34,118 --> 01:02:35,652 Oh, why am I not surprised? 1655 01:02:35,719 --> 01:02:37,287 She does make you want to throw up. 1656 01:02:37,354 --> 01:02:38,522 Or at least me. 1657 01:02:38,588 --> 01:02:40,124 Sorry. I don't really like her, I guess. 1658 01:02:40,190 --> 01:02:42,126 "I guess"? 1659 01:02:42,192 --> 01:02:44,829 She used to hang out with my brother, 1660 01:02:44,895 --> 01:02:47,865 and I sort of took her under my wing, 1661 01:02:47,932 --> 01:02:50,700 until she took Derek from under mine. 1662 01:02:50,767 --> 01:02:52,636 He cheated on you with her? 1663 01:02:52,702 --> 01:02:54,771 No, we had split up, 1664 01:02:54,839 --> 01:02:57,942 but, you know, one day we're talking about getting married 1665 01:02:58,008 --> 01:03:01,011 and the next day we're dating other people. 1666 01:03:01,078 --> 01:03:02,746 Taking space. 1667 01:03:02,813 --> 01:03:05,816 God, I hate that expression, don't you? 1668 01:03:05,883 --> 01:03:07,051 Hate it. So then? 1669 01:03:07,117 --> 01:03:09,286 So then he starts talking to Lulu, 1670 01:03:09,353 --> 01:03:10,888 who totally knows the score, 1671 01:03:10,955 --> 01:03:13,891 and then she advises me to see other people. 1672 01:03:13,958 --> 01:03:15,159 Hideous. 1673 01:03:15,225 --> 01:03:17,027 And she meant nothing to him. 1674 01:03:17,094 --> 01:03:18,428 She was a fling. 1675 01:03:18,495 --> 01:03:20,564 I mean, he wanted us to get back together, 1676 01:03:20,630 --> 01:03:24,601 but, in a way, we're just closer being friends. 1677 01:03:24,668 --> 01:03:26,270 You are? Good. 1678 01:03:26,336 --> 01:03:27,504 You are. We are. 1679 01:03:27,571 --> 01:03:31,008 And if not, there's always the boomerangs. 1680 01:03:31,075 --> 01:03:32,943 The boomerangs. 1681 01:03:33,010 --> 01:03:34,044 Yeah, you know the kind. 1682 01:03:34,111 --> 01:03:35,779 You throw them out there into the world... 1683 01:03:35,846 --> 01:03:38,015 And they always come back to you. 1684 01:03:38,082 --> 01:03:39,149 Yeah, that's right. 1685 01:03:39,216 --> 01:03:40,384 He bought us each one, 1686 01:03:40,450 --> 01:03:43,653 and we promised never to throw them away, 1687 01:03:43,720 --> 01:03:46,190 So no matter what happened, 1688 01:03:46,256 --> 01:03:50,627 if we needed to, or wanted to, 1689 01:03:50,694 --> 01:03:53,263 then we could still end up... 1690 01:03:53,330 --> 01:03:54,398 Together. 1691 01:03:57,834 --> 01:04:00,404 Anyway, whatever. 1692 01:04:00,470 --> 01:04:01,671 Blech! 1693 01:04:01,738 --> 01:04:03,173 Why were we talking about this? 1694 01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:04,508 Um, you know, 1695 01:04:04,574 --> 01:04:06,543 he probably wouldn't even remember the story, 1696 01:04:06,610 --> 01:04:07,777 never mind the boomerangs, 1697 01:04:07,844 --> 01:04:09,146 and then there's me, 1698 01:04:09,213 --> 01:04:11,949 the romantic sap, who still has hers. 1699 01:04:12,016 --> 01:04:13,783 Ahem. Framed. 1700 01:04:13,850 --> 01:04:14,985 In the bedroom. 1701 01:04:15,052 --> 01:04:16,887 Hm. 1702 01:04:16,954 --> 01:04:18,923 How stupid is that? 1703 01:04:20,524 --> 01:04:22,192 Not stupid. 1704 01:04:22,259 --> 01:04:24,328 It's just a waste of energy. 1705 01:04:24,394 --> 01:04:26,130 There's so many other interesting guys 1706 01:04:26,196 --> 01:04:27,397 out there for you. 1707 01:04:27,464 --> 01:04:29,733 Joyce, you're gonna meet the right person. 1708 01:04:29,799 --> 01:04:31,101 Watch. 1709 01:04:31,168 --> 01:04:33,904 Or I could end up with Derek. 1710 01:04:35,372 --> 01:04:36,640 Wouldn't that be funny? 1711 01:04:38,108 --> 01:04:41,111 Right now I'm not rushing into anything or anyone. 1712 01:04:41,178 --> 01:04:43,480 Fool me once, shame on you. 1713 01:04:43,547 --> 01:04:44,814 Fool me twice... 1714 01:04:44,881 --> 01:04:45,916 Shame on me. 1715 01:04:45,983 --> 01:04:47,684 Exactly. 1716 01:04:47,751 --> 01:04:50,387 Something about the way she believed she might get 1717 01:04:50,454 --> 01:04:53,557 him back made me believe it too. 1718 01:04:53,623 --> 01:04:58,662 Makes me feel sad For the rest 1719 01:05:00,130 --> 01:05:04,501 Nobody does it 1720 01:05:04,568 --> 01:05:09,539 Half as good as you 1721 01:05:10,640 --> 01:05:16,380 Baby, you're the best 1722 01:05:18,615 --> 01:05:21,918 I wasn't looking 1723 01:05:21,986 --> 01:05:24,989 But somehow you found me 1724 01:05:26,890 --> 01:05:33,897 I tried to hide From your love light 1725 01:05:34,898 --> 01:05:38,935 But like heaven above me 1726 01:05:39,003 --> 01:05:42,006 This guy who loved me... 1727 01:05:43,540 --> 01:05:44,841 Thanks, pal. 1728 01:05:44,908 --> 01:05:49,813 Is keeping all my secrets Safe tonight 1729 01:05:52,416 --> 01:05:55,485 Nobody does it better 1730 01:06:00,457 --> 01:06:06,163 Though sometimes I wish someone could 1731 01:06:09,133 --> 01:06:13,703 Nobody does it 1732 01:06:13,770 --> 01:06:17,107 Quite the way you do 1733 01:06:18,742 --> 01:06:19,809 Why'd you have 1734 01:06:19,876 --> 01:06:22,512 To be so good? 1735 01:06:22,579 --> 01:06:23,880 Hey. 1736 01:06:25,149 --> 01:06:26,783 I'm home. 1737 01:06:26,850 --> 01:06:29,619 Hey, Bob, how you doing? Come here, buddy. Come here. 1738 01:06:29,686 --> 01:06:31,655 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Hey. 1739 01:06:31,721 --> 01:06:32,889 Hey. 1740 01:06:32,956 --> 01:06:34,558 I heard you from downstairs. 1741 01:06:34,624 --> 01:06:35,725 You did? Yeah. 1742 01:06:35,792 --> 01:06:37,894 Oh, yikes, was I that loud? 1743 01:06:37,961 --> 01:06:39,329 No, you sounded great. 1744 01:06:39,396 --> 01:06:41,065 Kind of sad, though. Everything okay? 1745 01:06:41,131 --> 01:06:42,566 Yeah. Hm? 1746 01:06:42,632 --> 01:06:45,969 You know, work issues, but I'm fine. 1747 01:06:46,036 --> 01:06:47,504 You're home early. 1748 01:06:47,571 --> 01:06:49,406 Well, you say that like that's a bad thing. 1749 01:06:49,473 --> 01:06:51,541 No! No, no, no, no, no. 1750 01:06:51,608 --> 01:06:53,743 I just didn't expect you, that's all. 1751 01:06:57,647 --> 01:06:58,748 Mmm. Mmm. 1752 01:06:58,815 --> 01:07:00,584 Mmm! Mm! 1753 01:07:00,650 --> 01:07:02,686 What happened to the other guy? 1754 01:07:02,752 --> 01:07:04,588 A... mouse. 1755 01:07:05,889 --> 01:07:08,258 A mouse did this? Yeah. 1756 01:07:08,325 --> 01:07:10,127 Uh, no. 1757 01:07:10,194 --> 01:07:13,197 There was a mouse, and, um... 1758 01:07:13,263 --> 01:07:15,299 You know, Bob freaked, 1759 01:07:15,365 --> 01:07:16,700 and, uh, forget about it. 1760 01:07:16,766 --> 01:07:18,068 A mouse scared Bob? 1761 01:07:18,135 --> 01:07:20,337 Went crazy. You wouldn't believe it. 1762 01:07:20,404 --> 01:07:23,940 I mean, he chased him onto the answering machine, where.. 1763 01:07:24,007 --> 01:07:25,542 Where... 1764 01:07:25,609 --> 01:07:28,545 Where the mouse just, like, taunted and taunted Bob. 1765 01:07:28,612 --> 01:07:30,147 So I ran and I got your stick. 1766 01:07:30,214 --> 01:07:32,316 Your hockey stick. Oh, yeah. 1767 01:07:32,382 --> 01:07:33,383 And then just smashed it. 1768 01:07:33,450 --> 01:07:34,584 You smashed a mouse? 1769 01:07:34,651 --> 01:07:36,253 Yeah! 1770 01:07:36,320 --> 01:07:37,587 No! 1771 01:07:37,654 --> 01:07:39,323 Like I would smash a mouse! 1772 01:07:39,389 --> 01:07:42,058 He got away, but I scared him good. 1773 01:07:42,126 --> 01:07:44,027 I don't think he'll be coming back anytime soon. 1774 01:07:44,094 --> 01:07:45,462 Did he carry my box down too? 1775 01:07:45,529 --> 01:07:47,931 Ha! That's very funny. 1776 01:07:47,997 --> 01:07:49,533 Yeah. No. 1777 01:07:49,599 --> 01:07:50,934 I did. 1778 01:07:51,000 --> 01:07:53,103 I was looking for another phone. 1779 01:07:53,170 --> 01:07:55,071 Which you found, 1780 01:07:55,139 --> 01:07:57,006 in a closed box marked "personal stuff." 1781 01:07:57,073 --> 01:07:58,575 Um, no offense, Derek, 1782 01:07:58,642 --> 01:08:01,578 but you're not exactly Mr. Organized. 1783 01:08:01,645 --> 01:08:03,046 You're a mess. 1784 01:08:03,113 --> 01:08:04,581 All right, all right. 1785 01:08:04,648 --> 01:08:06,316 Don't go criticizing homey. Homey just got home. 1786 01:08:06,383 --> 01:08:08,218 Yo, I was defending your dog, yo. 1787 01:08:08,285 --> 01:08:09,553 Well, thank you. 1788 01:08:09,619 --> 01:08:11,221 Who gets very sad when you're away. 1789 01:08:11,288 --> 01:08:12,322 Hmm. 1790 01:08:12,389 --> 01:08:13,423 Very needy. 1791 01:08:13,490 --> 01:08:14,591 Oh, yeah? 1792 01:08:14,658 --> 01:08:15,725 He missed you. 1793 01:08:15,792 --> 01:08:17,194 He the only one? 1794 01:08:17,261 --> 01:08:19,429 No, Joyce missed you too Hmm. 1795 01:08:23,733 --> 01:08:25,502 So you want to know why I'm home early? 1796 01:08:25,569 --> 01:08:27,437 I'm seeing Robbie Moore's parents tomorrow. 1797 01:08:28,472 --> 01:08:29,739 That means you're close. 1798 01:08:29,806 --> 01:08:31,074 Bringing the contract. 1799 01:08:31,141 --> 01:08:33,143 Wait, wait. Tomorrow's the playoffs. 1800 01:08:33,210 --> 01:08:34,844 Yeah. You're not gonna go? 1801 01:08:34,911 --> 01:08:36,146 No. 1802 01:08:36,213 --> 01:08:37,381 If I don't close this kid tomorrow, 1803 01:08:37,447 --> 01:08:39,048 Terry Curtin's gonna swoop in and sign him. 1804 01:08:39,115 --> 01:08:40,650 I can't miss the opportunity. 1805 01:08:42,018 --> 01:08:44,053 You know what? I'm doing this for both of us. 1806 01:08:46,089 --> 01:08:49,526 I'm sorry, Bob. All of us. 1807 01:08:49,593 --> 01:08:52,396 I felt like a lying sack of fertilizer, 1808 01:08:52,462 --> 01:08:55,565 knowing what I knew and not knowing what I didn't, 1809 01:08:55,632 --> 01:09:00,270 and knowing more than anything that I had to know... more. 1810 01:09:00,337 --> 01:09:03,640 She called all the time, begging him, pleading. 1811 01:09:03,707 --> 01:09:04,941 Pathetic. 1812 01:09:05,008 --> 01:09:07,444 He played me the messages on the machine. 1813 01:09:07,511 --> 01:09:11,215 They were hysterical. She was desperate. 1814 01:09:11,281 --> 01:09:13,383 One angry chef, coming up. 1815 01:09:13,450 --> 01:09:15,118 I can't show her that. 1816 01:09:16,453 --> 01:09:18,722 I'd be purposely hurting a friend. 1817 01:09:18,788 --> 01:09:22,492 Knowledge is a terrible and a marvelous thing. 1818 01:09:22,559 --> 01:09:24,961 It just depends on your perspective. 1819 01:09:25,028 --> 01:09:26,763 Think of it this way. 1820 01:09:26,830 --> 01:09:29,599 If she knew who you really were, she'd hate you. 1821 01:09:29,666 --> 01:09:30,667 Can you blame her? 1822 01:09:32,569 --> 01:09:34,271 And Stace? 1823 01:09:35,739 --> 01:09:37,140 She's not your friend. 1824 01:09:48,585 --> 01:09:50,019 Have fun at the game. 1825 01:09:53,657 --> 01:09:55,158 O'er the land 1826 01:09:55,225 --> 01:09:59,062 Of the free 1827 01:09:59,128 --> 01:10:04,868 And the home of the brave 1828 01:10:04,934 --> 01:10:06,069 Hi. 1829 01:10:06,135 --> 01:10:07,271 I'm sorry I'm late. 1830 01:10:07,337 --> 01:10:09,138 I was in the middle of a crisis with Derek. 1831 01:10:09,205 --> 01:10:10,374 I'm helping him out with something. 1832 01:10:10,440 --> 01:10:12,008 Doesn't he have someone else to help, 1833 01:10:12,075 --> 01:10:13,443 like a girlfriend? 1834 01:10:13,510 --> 01:10:14,544 Probably a bunch. 1835 01:10:14,611 --> 01:10:16,613 But... Ohh! 1836 01:10:18,081 --> 01:10:20,250 You know, we agreed not to discuss anyone, 1837 01:10:20,317 --> 01:10:21,585 you know, who we date, 1838 01:10:21,651 --> 01:10:23,086 unless one of us was serious, 1839 01:10:23,152 --> 01:10:25,355 then we have to, but he's not, and I'm not, 1840 01:10:25,422 --> 01:10:26,956 so why torture each other? 1841 01:10:27,023 --> 01:10:28,191 You know, it's just... 1842 01:10:28,258 --> 01:10:30,927 It's too painful for both of us, you know? 1843 01:10:32,095 --> 01:10:33,363 Sorry. That's my cell. 1844 01:10:33,430 --> 01:10:34,898 Hello? 1845 01:10:34,964 --> 01:10:37,133 Hey. I was just talking about you. 1846 01:10:37,200 --> 01:10:38,302 Derek. 1847 01:10:38,368 --> 01:10:39,369 Ah! 1848 01:10:39,436 --> 01:10:40,970 Um, uh-huh. Uh-huh. 1849 01:10:41,037 --> 01:10:42,872 So, what happened? 1850 01:10:42,939 --> 01:10:45,174 You might think it odd that I didn't strangle her 1851 01:10:45,241 --> 01:10:47,377 as I watched her flirt and coo with my man. 1852 01:10:47,444 --> 01:10:50,280 But... I didn't. 1853 01:10:50,347 --> 01:10:52,782 I was strangely drawn to their banter. 1854 01:10:52,849 --> 01:10:53,983 Really? Uh-huh. 1855 01:10:54,050 --> 01:10:55,852 Curious about this part of his life 1856 01:10:55,919 --> 01:10:58,688 that I had been completely dumb to just a 1857 01:10:58,755 --> 01:11:00,324 few days earlier 1858 01:11:00,390 --> 01:11:01,891 They had a past. 1859 01:11:01,958 --> 01:11:04,193 Oh, they scored. Listen. They had a present... 1860 01:11:04,260 --> 01:11:05,695 separate from me. 1861 01:11:05,762 --> 01:11:06,996 Can you hear? 1862 01:11:07,063 --> 01:11:08,465 Whoo! 1863 01:11:08,532 --> 01:11:10,166 She didn't know he had a girlfriend, but... 1864 01:11:10,233 --> 01:11:11,768 she didn't want to. 1865 01:11:13,169 --> 01:11:16,940 Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. 1866 01:11:17,006 --> 01:11:18,608 Finally I asked him 1867 01:11:18,675 --> 01:11:20,276 to go back to his old girlfriend. 1868 01:11:20,344 --> 01:11:22,912 She called all the time, begging him, pleading. 1869 01:11:22,979 --> 01:11:25,615 She was desperate. 1870 01:11:25,682 --> 01:11:26,916 Joyce? 1871 01:11:26,983 --> 01:11:28,885 How'd you know her name? 1872 01:11:28,952 --> 01:11:30,687 You mentioned it. She mentioned it. 1873 01:11:30,754 --> 01:11:31,921 - You did. - She did. 1874 01:11:31,988 --> 01:11:34,324 I did? Hm. 1875 01:11:34,391 --> 01:11:36,526 Well, yes, Joyce. 1876 01:11:36,593 --> 01:11:39,796 He only went back to her out of pity. 1877 01:11:43,600 --> 01:11:45,469 Barb was right. 1878 01:11:45,535 --> 01:11:48,405 As soon as Joyce realized that he'd lied to her about Lulu, 1879 01:11:48,472 --> 01:11:50,374 she'd never forgive him. 1880 01:11:50,440 --> 01:11:54,043 Which was, after all, what I'd wanted. 1881 01:11:54,110 --> 01:11:56,713 So why did I feel so bad? 1882 01:12:04,821 --> 01:12:06,122 I shouldn't have shown you that. 1883 01:12:06,189 --> 01:12:08,692 No, I appreciate it. Really. 1884 01:12:08,758 --> 01:12:11,127 It's just so... bad, you know. 1885 01:12:11,194 --> 01:12:14,531 I probably did call him a few times when he was with her, 1886 01:12:14,598 --> 01:12:16,065 but I was upset. 1887 01:12:16,132 --> 01:12:19,569 I wouldn't characterize It as being hysterical or pathetic. 1888 01:12:19,636 --> 01:12:22,872 But for her to know that I called 1889 01:12:22,939 --> 01:12:24,307 means that he told her. 1890 01:12:24,374 --> 01:12:25,942 Even if she didn't hear it, she knew, 1891 01:12:26,009 --> 01:12:28,945 and that's just so bad. 1892 01:12:31,948 --> 01:12:33,583 Joyce, I'm sorry. 1893 01:12:36,420 --> 01:12:37,621 I'm so sorry. 1894 01:12:39,689 --> 01:12:40,690 He's in there. 1895 01:12:40,757 --> 01:12:41,791 Where? 1896 01:12:43,226 --> 01:12:44,260 Right there, 1897 01:12:44,327 --> 01:12:46,663 with the orange sweater 1898 01:12:46,730 --> 01:12:48,064 and the stupid haircut. 1899 01:12:50,066 --> 01:12:51,801 It is stupid. 1900 01:12:54,237 --> 01:12:55,338 Yeah. 1901 01:12:55,405 --> 01:12:57,541 We stood there, 1902 01:12:57,607 --> 01:13:00,376 both of us sadly in love with the same man. 1903 01:13:01,611 --> 01:13:03,980 Both of us feeling let down by him. 1904 01:13:05,415 --> 01:13:06,650 Where are you going? 1905 01:13:06,716 --> 01:13:08,351 I'm going home. 1906 01:13:08,418 --> 01:13:10,219 I'll see you tomorrow for the pre-interview, okay? 1907 01:13:10,286 --> 01:13:11,788 Good night, Barb. 1908 01:13:11,855 --> 01:13:13,389 Wait. Joyce? 1909 01:13:13,457 --> 01:13:14,791 Wait. 1910 01:13:14,858 --> 01:13:16,626 Please, wait. 1911 01:13:16,693 --> 01:13:19,262 Uh, that tape... 1912 01:13:19,328 --> 01:13:20,363 The Lulu... 1913 01:13:20,430 --> 01:13:22,098 You know what? It's not about the tape. 1914 01:13:22,165 --> 01:13:24,434 It's just... 1915 01:13:24,501 --> 01:13:26,169 Talking to you lately and seeing Lulu, 1916 01:13:26,235 --> 01:13:28,972 all that stuff just brought up such bad memories. 1917 01:13:29,038 --> 01:13:31,207 And who am I trying to kid, you know? 1918 01:13:31,274 --> 01:13:32,776 A clean break is easier. 1919 01:13:32,842 --> 01:13:36,045 You can reset it, and it heals, and you move on. 1920 01:13:36,112 --> 01:13:39,048 But if you leave things messy or things don't get put right, 1921 01:13:39,115 --> 01:13:41,017 then it just hurts. 1922 01:13:41,084 --> 01:13:42,619 Forever. 1923 01:13:48,758 --> 01:13:50,426 Yeah, I'm... all right. 1924 01:13:51,861 --> 01:13:55,098 It's really time for me to move away from him. 1925 01:13:55,164 --> 01:13:56,633 From all this. 1926 01:13:59,769 --> 01:14:01,971 I don't even know who he is anymore. 1927 01:14:13,717 --> 01:14:16,553 I should have felt happier at that moment. 1928 01:14:16,620 --> 01:14:18,988 I had won. 1929 01:14:19,055 --> 01:14:21,591 But the cost was high, and the victory hollow. 1930 01:14:21,658 --> 01:14:25,228 I had taken a good friend from someone I loved. 1931 01:14:25,294 --> 01:14:27,664 And nothing about that felt right. 1932 01:14:27,731 --> 01:14:29,966 We have no secrets 1933 01:14:31,701 --> 01:14:36,339 We tell each other Everything 1934 01:14:36,405 --> 01:14:40,109 About the lovers In our past 1935 01:14:40,176 --> 01:14:41,711 I needed a reality check. 1936 01:14:41,778 --> 01:14:43,312 I needed Mom. 1937 01:14:43,379 --> 01:14:48,251 But she was out, so I settled for Carly. 1938 01:14:48,317 --> 01:14:50,754 From A to Z 1939 01:14:50,820 --> 01:14:54,724 We know each other's Fantasies 1940 01:14:54,791 --> 01:14:59,262 And though We know each other better 1941 01:14:59,328 --> 01:15:01,665 When we explore... 1942 01:15:01,731 --> 01:15:04,568 The line between right and wrong had blurred. 1943 01:15:04,634 --> 01:15:08,337 In my search for truth, I had become the lie. 1944 01:15:08,404 --> 01:15:10,039 Often I wish 1945 01:15:10,106 --> 01:15:13,677 Perhaps some secrets should remain secret. 1946 01:15:13,743 --> 01:15:15,011 That I never knew 1947 01:15:15,078 --> 01:15:18,682 Some of those Secrets of yours 1948 01:15:18,748 --> 01:15:24,954 Some of those secrets Of yours 1949 01:15:25,021 --> 01:15:27,824 Okay, you guys are not that bright. 1950 01:15:27,891 --> 01:15:29,593 Can I have an amen? - Amen! 1951 01:15:29,659 --> 01:15:31,828 Oh, my gosh. Oh, don't go... 1952 01:15:31,895 --> 01:15:34,764 Oh! Girl, mm-mm. Don't go there. 1953 01:15:34,831 --> 01:15:36,099 Is everything okay? 1954 01:15:39,002 --> 01:15:40,403 Wow. 1955 01:15:43,172 --> 01:15:45,842 It's great. Yeah. Yeah. 1956 01:15:47,744 --> 01:15:49,312 That makes one of us. 1957 01:15:50,947 --> 01:15:51,948 What's the matter? 1958 01:15:52,015 --> 01:15:54,951 I'm not feeling so, uh... 1959 01:15:55,018 --> 01:15:56,119 you know, good. 1960 01:15:57,887 --> 01:15:59,455 You can't go home. 1961 01:15:59,522 --> 01:16:01,290 I mean, I need you. 1962 01:16:02,659 --> 01:16:03,793 Today's my show. 1963 01:16:03,860 --> 01:16:05,528 I'm a nervous wreck. We're live. 1964 01:16:05,595 --> 01:16:07,964 Oh, my God! I totally forgot. 1965 01:16:08,031 --> 01:16:09,332 Of course I'll be here. 1966 01:16:10,266 --> 01:16:12,702 Wouldn't miss it for the world. 1967 01:16:12,769 --> 01:16:16,139 You are so beautiful, like a real producer. 1968 01:16:16,205 --> 01:16:19,408 Hello. Headset. 1969 01:16:19,475 --> 01:16:22,511 And there was something I needed to tell you. 1970 01:16:22,578 --> 01:16:23,947 What was it? Cue Kippie. 1971 01:16:24,013 --> 01:16:25,314 Oh, right. We're live. 1972 01:16:25,381 --> 01:16:26,616 There she is! 1973 01:16:27,851 --> 01:16:29,452 Yikes! Showtime. 1974 01:16:34,223 --> 01:16:35,224 Watch this thing. 1975 01:16:35,291 --> 01:16:37,226 Great to see you. 1976 01:16:37,293 --> 01:16:38,795 Hey! 1977 01:16:40,229 --> 01:16:41,998 Welcome to Kippie Kann Live. 1978 01:16:42,065 --> 01:16:43,066 Watch this ladder. Thanks. 1979 01:16:43,132 --> 01:16:44,300 I need a running order. 1980 01:16:44,367 --> 01:16:45,902 A very special live show. 1981 01:16:45,969 --> 01:16:47,103 Who's on first? You. 1982 01:16:47,170 --> 01:16:48,838 What? It's for you. 1983 01:16:48,905 --> 01:16:50,073 What is? Everything. 1984 01:16:52,508 --> 01:16:55,111 Let's see who's at Kippie's door. 1985 01:16:55,178 --> 01:16:56,179 Just go with it. 1986 01:16:57,180 --> 01:17:00,984 Stacy! Oh, come on out! 1987 01:17:12,295 --> 01:17:14,097 - Stop at the green X. - Too far. 1988 01:17:14,163 --> 01:17:15,765 That's right, Stacy. 1989 01:17:15,832 --> 01:17:17,400 Make yourself comfortable. 1990 01:17:18,501 --> 01:17:21,004 You look a little confused. 1991 01:17:21,070 --> 01:17:22,605 What's going on, girl? 1992 01:17:22,672 --> 01:17:24,540 Do you know what the name of today's show is, Stacy? 1993 01:17:24,607 --> 01:17:27,176 "Plastic Surgery Nightmares"? 1994 01:17:27,243 --> 01:17:28,978 We're on three. Stand by, camera two. 1995 01:17:30,246 --> 01:17:32,749 No, actually it's called "Little Black Book." 1996 01:17:32,816 --> 01:17:35,651 Let's fill our audience in on some recent history. 1997 01:17:35,719 --> 01:17:37,687 Stacy's a new member of our staff 1998 01:17:37,754 --> 01:17:39,355 who's been using the resources here 1999 01:17:39,422 --> 01:17:41,624 to do her own personal research 2000 01:17:41,691 --> 01:17:43,727 on her boyfriend, Derek... 2001 01:17:45,461 --> 01:17:47,697 ...and three of his ex-girlfriends. 2002 01:17:47,764 --> 01:17:49,733 Oh, no. 2003 01:17:49,799 --> 01:17:50,967 Oh, no. 2004 01:17:51,034 --> 01:17:52,736 Oh, yes. 2005 01:17:52,802 --> 01:17:55,839 She went through his little black electronic book 2006 01:17:55,905 --> 01:17:57,974 found his ex-girlfriends, I don't believe this. 2007 01:17:58,041 --> 01:17:59,508 Called them up and interviewed them 2008 01:17:59,575 --> 01:18:02,445 under the guise of being a guest on our show. 2009 01:18:02,511 --> 01:18:03,947 That's my idea. That's my idea. 2010 01:18:04,013 --> 01:18:05,314 Wow, man, too bad. 2011 01:18:05,381 --> 01:18:07,483 Barb's upstairs, in case you want to kill her. 2012 01:18:09,452 --> 01:18:11,087 But not for the reasons they thought. 2013 01:18:11,154 --> 01:18:14,257 Take, for example, supermodel Lulu Fritz. 2014 01:18:14,323 --> 01:18:16,159 Simply irresistible 2015 01:18:19,262 --> 01:18:21,030 Hello! Bonjour. 2016 01:18:21,097 --> 01:18:22,365 Simply irresistible 2017 01:18:22,431 --> 01:18:24,333 Welcome to Kippie Kann Live. 2018 01:18:24,400 --> 01:18:27,670 You used us. You took my idea, and you set her up. 2019 01:18:27,737 --> 01:18:29,638 Is this a clip from your documentary? 2020 01:18:29,705 --> 01:18:30,940 How can you just stand there? 2021 01:18:31,007 --> 01:18:32,575 Camera two, Phil. You stole my idea! 2022 01:18:32,641 --> 01:18:34,210 It's poetry. - You stole it. 2023 01:18:34,277 --> 01:18:35,678 I'll share credit. 2024 01:18:35,745 --> 01:18:37,914 Ira, there's a bigger thing happening here. 2025 01:18:37,981 --> 01:18:39,282 I mean, just watch. God! 2026 01:18:39,348 --> 01:18:40,950 Are you watching? 2027 01:18:41,017 --> 01:18:45,188 It was all superficial. Completely about sex. 2028 01:18:45,254 --> 01:18:48,224 I'd have to say, "No, that's not from my documentary." 2029 01:18:48,291 --> 01:18:50,393 That's right, Lulu. 2030 01:18:50,459 --> 01:18:52,228 It's all a ruse. 2031 01:18:52,295 --> 01:18:53,863 A flower? 2032 01:18:55,164 --> 01:18:56,866 A ruse. A joke. 2033 01:18:56,933 --> 01:18:58,534 How can you do this? 2034 01:18:58,601 --> 01:19:00,937 This woman, Stacy Holt, a member of our staff, 2035 01:19:01,004 --> 01:19:03,907 got you here under false pretenses. 2036 01:19:03,973 --> 01:19:05,408 Her name's Barbara. 2037 01:19:05,474 --> 01:19:08,477 No, the woman producing this segment is Barbara. 2038 01:19:08,544 --> 01:19:10,780 The woman beside you is actually the current 2039 01:19:10,847 --> 01:19:13,049 girlfriend of the man you once dated. 2040 01:19:13,116 --> 01:19:14,317 Stephen? 2041 01:19:14,383 --> 01:19:15,952 Derek. 2042 01:19:16,019 --> 01:19:17,586 Camera five, doorbell. 2043 01:19:18,721 --> 01:19:20,589 Oh! 2044 01:19:20,656 --> 01:19:22,458 Another woman scorned, 2045 01:19:22,525 --> 01:19:24,160 and she doesn't even know it yet. 2046 01:19:24,227 --> 01:19:26,095 Come in, Dr. Keyes! 2047 01:19:26,162 --> 01:19:28,164 Doctor, doctor, Give me the news 2048 01:19:28,231 --> 01:19:30,266 I've got a bad case... 2049 01:19:30,333 --> 01:19:34,203 Drama, pathos, life unfolding. 2050 01:19:34,270 --> 01:19:36,172 It's good. It's Greek. 2051 01:19:36,239 --> 01:19:38,474 Go to three, Phil. Camera three, go. 2052 01:19:38,541 --> 01:19:40,643 Dr. Keyes, you're a gynecologist. 2053 01:19:40,709 --> 01:19:42,778 This woman posed as a patient 2054 01:19:42,846 --> 01:19:45,614 to obtain personal information on her boyfriend 2055 01:19:45,681 --> 01:19:47,250 whom you once dated. 2056 01:19:47,316 --> 01:19:49,252 But I examined her. 2057 01:19:50,987 --> 01:19:52,155 Well, that was all a setup. 2058 01:19:52,221 --> 01:19:54,023 Even the warts? 2059 01:19:54,090 --> 01:19:56,292 No, it was a joke. There were none. 2060 01:19:56,359 --> 01:19:57,593 Ever. 2061 01:19:59,228 --> 01:20:02,832 Ah! The apex. Joyce. 2062 01:20:02,899 --> 01:20:05,301 She thinks she's doing pre-interview for a cook-off. 2063 01:20:05,368 --> 01:20:08,004 That's what you told her, right, Stace? 2064 01:20:08,071 --> 01:20:09,272 Come in, Joyce. 2065 01:20:09,338 --> 01:20:11,440 Bring home the bacon 2066 01:20:11,507 --> 01:20:13,877 Welcome to Kippie Kann Live. 2067 01:20:13,943 --> 01:20:15,644 Here comes the tough part. 2068 01:20:15,711 --> 01:20:17,380 You can do it. 2069 01:20:17,446 --> 01:20:19,048 Welcome. 2070 01:20:21,084 --> 01:20:23,419 What's with the audience and all these...? 2071 01:20:23,486 --> 01:20:24,954 Lulu? 2072 01:20:25,021 --> 01:20:27,123 Oh, that's right. 2073 01:20:27,190 --> 01:20:29,758 You two go way back, but what about you two? 2074 01:20:29,825 --> 01:20:31,427 Barb? 2075 01:20:31,494 --> 01:20:32,828 Stacy! No, actually that's Stacy, 2076 01:20:32,896 --> 01:20:35,031 Derek's current girlfriend. 2077 01:20:35,098 --> 01:20:36,332 What? 2078 01:20:36,399 --> 01:20:37,967 Oh! 2079 01:20:38,034 --> 01:20:39,668 No cook-off today. 2080 01:20:43,139 --> 01:20:45,008 You lied to me? 2081 01:20:45,074 --> 01:20:47,877 After everything I told you, you lied? 2082 01:20:47,944 --> 01:20:50,313 Just like she did. 2083 01:20:50,379 --> 01:20:51,915 Are you referring to me? 2084 01:20:51,981 --> 01:20:54,650 Shut up! What did you say?! 2085 01:20:54,717 --> 01:20:57,220 Ladies, please. 2086 01:20:57,286 --> 01:20:58,888 Let's fill the audience in, shall we? 2087 01:20:58,955 --> 01:21:02,558 We sent our own Kippie Kann crew to the 2088 01:21:02,625 --> 01:21:05,461 Kaleidoscope Kitchen posing as a crew for 48 Hours. 2089 01:21:05,528 --> 01:21:07,430 Then that was all a rose too? 2090 01:21:07,496 --> 01:21:09,265 Ruse, yeah. Roll it. 2091 01:21:11,200 --> 01:21:13,269 Why is she calling you Stacy, Barb? 2092 01:21:13,336 --> 01:21:14,938 Because that's her name. 2093 01:21:15,004 --> 01:21:17,640 No, actually, my name is Barb. 2094 01:21:17,706 --> 01:21:20,309 The other woman you met's name was Stacy. 2095 01:21:20,376 --> 01:21:21,911 No, she was Barb. 2096 01:21:21,978 --> 01:21:23,579 - No. - Huh? 2097 01:21:23,646 --> 01:21:25,414 - What? - Stimulating as ever. 2098 01:21:25,481 --> 01:21:29,452 I'd say it's nice to see you, but then I'd be lying. 2099 01:21:29,518 --> 01:21:31,520 Enjoy your meal. 2100 01:21:31,587 --> 01:21:32,688 Aha! 2101 01:21:32,755 --> 01:21:35,191 I got sick that night, and not on purpose! 2102 01:21:35,258 --> 01:21:37,660 Stay put for more surprises 2103 01:21:37,726 --> 01:21:40,129 when "Little Black Book" continues. 2104 01:21:41,897 --> 01:21:43,666 Hey, lady. Ladies. Stay in your seat. 2105 01:21:43,732 --> 01:21:45,534 Okay, we're still live. 2106 01:21:45,601 --> 01:21:47,570 I'm sorry... 2107 01:21:47,636 --> 01:21:50,106 Don't... Don't say another word. 2108 01:21:50,173 --> 01:21:51,674 You wanted me to hate him? 2109 01:21:51,740 --> 01:21:53,977 Mission accomplished. I do. 2110 01:21:54,043 --> 01:21:56,679 But as bad as he is... 2111 01:21:56,745 --> 01:21:59,815 he is still too good for you. 2112 01:21:59,882 --> 01:22:02,218 Now, if you could please just have a seat. 2113 01:22:02,285 --> 01:22:03,953 No, this is completely unacceptable. 2114 01:22:04,020 --> 01:22:06,589 I will sue this entire show for defamation of character. 2115 01:22:06,655 --> 01:22:09,625 This is America and you are welcome to sue anyone. 2116 01:22:09,692 --> 01:22:11,227 But that release you signed is ironclad. 2117 01:22:11,294 --> 01:22:14,863 I was told we'd be discussing sexually transmitted diseases. 2118 01:22:14,930 --> 01:22:17,466 Sexually transmitted diseases? 2119 01:22:17,533 --> 01:22:20,436 Ooh, that's an idea. 2120 01:22:20,503 --> 01:22:21,837 Ninety seconds to air. 2121 01:22:21,904 --> 01:22:23,239 Ninety seconds! 2122 01:22:23,306 --> 01:22:24,940 I love it live. 2123 01:22:25,008 --> 01:22:28,044 You stoop to conquer. Yeah, I stoop. 2124 01:22:28,111 --> 01:22:30,379 We all do. I mean, look at where we work. 2125 01:22:30,446 --> 01:22:33,916 We march thousands of Stacys through here every year. 2126 01:22:33,983 --> 01:22:36,986 We uncover their secrets, we spare no feelings. 2127 01:22:37,053 --> 01:22:39,488 But today, suddenly, you get a conscience 2128 01:22:39,555 --> 01:22:41,190 because you know one personally. 2129 01:22:41,257 --> 01:22:43,226 You're unethical! You're a hypocrite. 2130 01:22:43,292 --> 01:22:45,161 I'm a hypocrite?! Which is fine, really. 2131 01:22:45,228 --> 01:22:47,830 Because this show is based on hypocrisy. 2132 01:22:47,896 --> 01:22:49,765 You wanna call me unethical? Okay! 2133 01:22:49,832 --> 01:22:51,934 But don't you judge me and then worship Kippie 2134 01:22:52,001 --> 01:22:54,070 for doing the same duplicitous thing. 2135 01:22:54,137 --> 01:22:56,205 We're all swimming in the same cesspool! 2136 01:22:56,272 --> 01:22:58,207 We work in reality TV, Ira! 2137 01:22:58,274 --> 01:22:59,608 This is reality! 2138 01:22:59,675 --> 01:23:02,078 Forty-five seconds to air, Phil. 2139 01:23:02,145 --> 01:23:03,379 She is a giver! 2140 01:23:03,446 --> 01:23:05,614 And she's such a giver, that each one of you... 2141 01:23:05,681 --> 01:23:07,350 Ira? 2142 01:23:07,416 --> 01:23:10,519 ...have a Kippie Kann Live cap for each one of you. 2143 01:23:10,586 --> 01:23:11,654 Kippie's a giver! 2144 01:23:11,720 --> 01:23:13,422 I've gotta get to the control room. 2145 01:23:13,489 --> 01:23:15,758 Carl, you wanna handle this? Got it... Got it covered here. 2146 01:23:15,824 --> 01:23:17,393 Thanks. You're all in on this? 2147 01:23:17,460 --> 01:23:18,761 Everyone knew?! 2148 01:23:18,827 --> 01:23:20,929 There is no conspiracy here, sweetheart. 2149 01:23:20,996 --> 01:23:22,998 Just a good idea for sweeps. 2150 01:23:23,066 --> 01:23:25,101 Now, you can fight it... It seems kind of pointless. 2151 01:23:25,168 --> 01:23:26,669 Lame. Really stupid. 2152 01:23:26,735 --> 01:23:29,038 Or you could become a part of something bigger, 2153 01:23:29,105 --> 01:23:30,506 something completely different. 2154 01:23:30,573 --> 01:23:33,176 Now, of course, I cannot "mmm" right now. 2155 01:23:33,242 --> 01:23:35,744 But trust me. Gonna be big. Huge. It's giant. 2156 01:23:35,811 --> 01:23:38,947 I'm talking about a real show here, Stacy. 2157 01:23:39,014 --> 01:23:41,284 Changing formats, breaking the fourth wall, 2158 01:23:41,350 --> 01:23:42,685 and the fifth. 2159 01:23:42,751 --> 01:23:44,620 Kamikaze television, 2160 01:23:44,687 --> 01:23:46,155 without restriction, without hesitation... 2161 01:23:46,222 --> 01:23:48,191 without Kippie. 2162 01:23:48,257 --> 01:23:51,960 It's a pretty exciting time to be on the ground floor. 2163 01:23:52,027 --> 01:23:53,529 Thanks, Carl. 2164 01:23:53,596 --> 01:23:56,599 But being that low doesn't interest me. 2165 01:23:56,665 --> 01:23:58,667 Don't fool yourself, kiddo. 2166 01:23:58,734 --> 01:24:01,604 What you did was lower than anything I've ever done. 2167 01:24:01,670 --> 01:24:05,441 By the way, if you leave now, I will sue you for fraud. 2168 01:24:05,508 --> 01:24:08,311 Oh, come on. 2169 01:24:08,377 --> 01:24:10,946 It's your 15 minutes. It's not so bad. 2170 01:24:11,013 --> 01:24:14,217 It's my life! It'll be over soon. 2171 01:24:14,283 --> 01:24:15,651 Here we go. 2172 01:24:15,718 --> 01:24:17,052 I meant the show. 2173 01:24:17,120 --> 01:24:21,224 Five, four, three, two... 2174 01:24:23,126 --> 01:24:26,929 Welcome back to Kippie Kann Live 2175 01:24:26,995 --> 01:24:28,631 and "Little Black Book." 2176 01:24:28,697 --> 01:24:31,234 I think it's time to bring out the man of the hour. 2177 01:24:31,300 --> 01:24:32,635 What do you say, audience? 2178 01:24:32,701 --> 01:24:34,036 Yeah! 2179 01:24:34,103 --> 01:24:35,771 Are you ready for Derek? 2180 01:24:35,838 --> 01:24:37,039 Oh, yeah! 2181 01:24:37,106 --> 01:24:38,541 Derek, Derek, Derek... 2182 01:24:38,607 --> 01:24:40,042 Roll scream, roll doorbell. 2183 01:24:43,246 --> 01:24:46,782 Derek, come on out! 2184 01:24:46,849 --> 01:24:49,118 Tainted love... What the...? 2185 01:24:51,053 --> 01:24:53,256 Derek thought he was coming to attend 2186 01:24:53,322 --> 01:24:55,658 a surprise promotion party for Stacy. 2187 01:24:55,724 --> 01:24:57,526 Derek, you're in for it now! 2188 01:24:57,593 --> 01:24:58,861 Lulu? 2189 01:24:58,927 --> 01:25:00,596 Rachel? Joyce? 2190 01:25:00,663 --> 01:25:02,665 What the hell's going on? - Everybody's here. 2191 01:25:02,731 --> 01:25:04,099 What are you guys doing here? 2192 01:25:04,167 --> 01:25:06,802 - You can do it. - Wanna tell him, Stace? 2193 01:25:06,869 --> 01:25:08,404 Or shall I? 2194 01:25:08,471 --> 01:25:09,805 Yes! 2195 01:25:13,809 --> 01:25:15,511 I wanna tell him. 2196 01:25:15,578 --> 01:25:17,513 I'll do it. 2197 01:25:18,747 --> 01:25:19,982 God. 2198 01:25:20,048 --> 01:25:22,551 What's going on? 2199 01:25:24,253 --> 01:25:26,822 They're all here because of me. 2200 01:25:26,889 --> 01:25:30,125 They're all here because of me. 2201 01:25:30,193 --> 01:25:32,261 See... 2202 01:25:32,328 --> 01:25:36,232 after I heard about you and Lulu... 2203 01:25:36,299 --> 01:25:38,167 I interviewed her. You did what? 2204 01:25:38,234 --> 01:25:42,004 You know! Look under the hood first. She's Lulu Fritz! 2205 01:25:42,070 --> 01:25:43,572 Thank you. 2206 01:25:45,208 --> 01:25:47,676 Anyways, when we got around to the sex question... 2207 01:25:47,743 --> 01:25:49,245 What a minute. You're not serious. 2208 01:25:49,312 --> 01:25:52,515 She said that you guys did it like two, three times a day. 2209 01:25:52,581 --> 01:25:54,116 Whoo! 2210 01:25:54,183 --> 01:25:56,685 It's funny, huh? I mean, why would she lie like that? 2211 01:25:56,752 --> 01:25:59,121 What are you doing? Purging. 2212 01:25:59,188 --> 01:26:00,489 You can go next. 2213 01:26:00,556 --> 01:26:02,090 Then I went to Rachel. 2214 01:26:02,157 --> 01:26:04,493 I mean, I wanted to go straight to Joyce, 2215 01:26:04,560 --> 01:26:05,694 but I couldn't. Not right away. 2216 01:26:05,761 --> 01:26:07,896 So I made up this story about warts 2217 01:26:07,963 --> 01:26:11,066 and went to Rachel, who I thought was a podiatrist. 2218 01:26:11,133 --> 01:26:13,436 But it turns out, oops, joke's on me. 2219 01:26:13,502 --> 01:26:14,803 Okay, you know what? 2220 01:26:14,870 --> 01:26:16,205 You can just shut the cameras off, 2221 01:26:16,272 --> 01:26:17,406 because this is never gonna air. 2222 01:26:17,473 --> 01:26:20,509 We're live... in 70 markets. 2223 01:26:21,610 --> 01:26:22,878 Hi, Mom. 2224 01:26:24,813 --> 01:26:26,349 Then Barb and I were browsing your Palm. 2225 01:26:26,415 --> 01:26:27,516 Barb who? 2226 01:26:27,583 --> 01:26:29,452 Barbara Campbell-hyphen-Dunn, 2227 01:26:29,518 --> 01:26:32,621 who sold me out for this show. 2228 01:26:32,688 --> 01:26:35,658 Just like Carl's selling Kippie out. 2229 01:26:35,724 --> 01:26:37,893 I mean, at least, isn't that what you told me? 2230 01:26:37,960 --> 01:26:40,463 Yes, yes, that's it. Turn the tables on us all. 2231 01:26:40,529 --> 01:26:41,997 That's real. It's honest. Phillip. 2232 01:26:42,064 --> 01:26:43,899 Yeah? Get Carl. 2233 01:26:43,966 --> 01:26:46,669 Jay, get me... Get me a shot to Carl. 2234 01:26:46,735 --> 01:26:48,904 What is she doing? What are you doing? 2235 01:26:48,971 --> 01:26:50,205 Regurgitating. 2236 01:26:50,273 --> 01:26:52,174 Something sexy just for you, Carl. 2237 01:26:52,241 --> 01:26:55,344 Who's Carl? Stage left, crooked toupee. 2238 01:26:55,411 --> 01:26:58,046 Phillip, on four. - Camera four, go. 2239 01:27:00,015 --> 01:27:01,517 Get that camera off of me. 2240 01:27:01,584 --> 01:27:04,553 Phil? We can't do this to him. 2241 01:27:04,620 --> 01:27:06,922 You hold that shot. Split the screen. Split the screen, Phil 2242 01:27:06,989 --> 01:27:09,057 Good. Kippie, did you know 2243 01:27:09,124 --> 01:27:10,526 that sometimes Carl comes in really close 2244 01:27:10,593 --> 01:27:12,094 so that America can see 2245 01:27:12,160 --> 01:27:14,930 that tape you wear on your face right there? Mm-hm. 2246 01:27:14,997 --> 01:27:17,333 Then he edits it out of the copy he gives to you. 2247 01:27:17,400 --> 01:27:19,402 Back to Carl now. And those tabloid leaks? Well. 2248 01:27:19,468 --> 01:27:21,604 Nice. Really nice. 2249 01:27:21,670 --> 01:27:23,439 You're burying Carl. 2250 01:27:24,707 --> 01:27:26,309 I'm burying him. 2251 01:27:26,375 --> 01:27:30,979 Carl, you, me, we're all going down. 2252 01:27:32,247 --> 01:27:33,882 Go to commercial. 2253 01:27:33,949 --> 01:27:35,518 No commercial! 2254 01:27:35,584 --> 01:27:37,219 I'm still running things. Stay with me, Phil! 2255 01:27:39,822 --> 01:27:41,424 Not you. You'll get promoted. 2256 01:27:43,392 --> 01:27:44,860 I'm out of here. 2257 01:27:44,927 --> 01:27:46,662 I can't top this. 2258 01:27:46,729 --> 01:27:48,797 Anyway, Barb and I were playing 2259 01:27:48,864 --> 01:27:50,866 with your Palm and we stumbled across 2260 01:27:50,933 --> 01:27:52,868 a lovely montage of Joyce. 2261 01:27:52,935 --> 01:27:54,470 And your folks. 2262 01:27:54,537 --> 01:27:56,939 On holiday. 2263 01:27:57,005 --> 01:28:00,075 Which is really odd because you never bring girls home. 2264 01:28:00,142 --> 01:28:01,276 I don't! 2265 01:28:01,344 --> 01:28:02,645 You brought her. 2266 01:28:02,711 --> 01:28:05,348 Well... She's different. 2267 01:28:05,414 --> 01:28:07,383 Oh... 2268 01:28:07,450 --> 01:28:09,952 Why? 2269 01:28:10,018 --> 01:28:11,454 Yeah, man. 2270 01:28:11,520 --> 01:28:13,356 Yeah, why?! 2271 01:28:13,422 --> 01:28:15,658 - Tell us! - Tell her. 2272 01:28:15,724 --> 01:28:17,660 You know what? I'm not doing this. 2273 01:28:18,861 --> 01:28:20,262 Why? 2274 01:28:20,329 --> 01:28:21,697 You wanna get out of my way? 2275 01:28:21,764 --> 01:28:23,366 Is she better? For you? 2276 01:28:27,470 --> 01:28:28,937 Ha! 2277 01:28:30,606 --> 01:28:32,307 I guess so. 2278 01:28:33,609 --> 01:28:37,513 Maybe I always knew it. 2279 01:28:37,580 --> 01:28:40,383 Maybe that's why I had to meet her. 2280 01:28:40,449 --> 01:28:43,586 And when I did, I understood, because I liked her too. 2281 01:28:43,652 --> 01:28:45,621 I liked you so much. 2282 01:28:45,688 --> 01:28:48,491 I want you to know that. Not... Not in a weird kind of way. 2283 01:28:48,557 --> 01:28:49,925 But in a way that I thought, 2284 01:28:49,992 --> 01:28:53,228 "Maybe, in some alternate universe, we could be friends. 2285 01:28:53,295 --> 01:28:54,930 And then, yesterday, you told me 2286 01:28:54,997 --> 01:28:56,432 you were schmoozing up some new recruit. 2287 01:28:56,499 --> 01:28:58,367 And the whole time you're schmoozing up Joyce? 2288 01:28:58,434 --> 01:29:01,003 No! Joyce's brother! 2289 01:29:01,069 --> 01:29:03,906 Robbie Moore, the recruit. It's Joyce's brother! 2290 01:29:03,972 --> 01:29:07,009 Joyce hooked us up because she's trying to help me out. 2291 01:29:07,075 --> 01:29:10,513 Then why wouldn't you have just told me that straight up? 2292 01:29:10,579 --> 01:29:12,581 Why lie? I never lied to you! 2293 01:29:15,418 --> 01:29:17,252 Omission is betrayal. 2294 01:29:17,319 --> 01:29:19,622 Yes! - Oh, okay. 2295 01:29:19,688 --> 01:29:21,390 Now you're gonna tell me about betrayal? 2296 01:29:21,457 --> 01:29:22,791 What the hell do you call this? 2297 01:29:22,858 --> 01:29:26,061 I would never do this to you... ever! 2298 01:29:26,128 --> 01:29:27,763 No? 2299 01:29:29,097 --> 01:29:30,799 Then answer me this. 2300 01:29:32,735 --> 01:29:35,738 If we shared our lives together... 2301 01:29:37,606 --> 01:29:40,008 why didn't we share our lives? 2302 01:29:40,075 --> 01:29:43,812 You shouldn't have to tell me everything, Derek. 2303 01:29:43,879 --> 01:29:45,848 But why wouldn't you want to? 2304 01:29:47,583 --> 01:29:50,052 Unless there's somebody else you're waiting for. 2305 01:29:50,118 --> 01:29:55,357 Someone who isn't afraid to say 2306 01:29:55,424 --> 01:29:57,059 "The past isn't past, Derek. "Or, "I really wanna meet 2307 01:29:57,125 --> 01:30:00,328 your folks Or, "I really, really hate hockey." 2308 01:30:01,597 --> 01:30:02,898 You do? 2309 01:30:02,965 --> 01:30:05,934 Oh, to the bottom of the ninth. 2310 01:30:07,536 --> 01:30:09,438 That's, uh... That's baseball. 2311 01:30:09,505 --> 01:30:11,139 Okay. You see that? 2312 01:30:11,206 --> 01:30:15,911 I was just too afraid to be honest with you, with myself, 2313 01:30:15,978 --> 01:30:18,447 because... 2314 01:30:21,684 --> 01:30:23,686 if I was really honest, 2315 01:30:23,752 --> 01:30:27,089 gut-wrenching honest... 2316 01:30:28,824 --> 01:30:32,294 then I'd have to admit... 2317 01:30:33,896 --> 01:30:39,301 that... we weren't right the way you guys are. 2318 01:30:39,367 --> 01:30:41,036 Were we? 2319 01:30:53,248 --> 01:30:55,651 There's your show, Kippie. 2320 01:30:55,718 --> 01:30:59,221 "My Boyfriend Belongs With His Ex, 2321 01:30:59,287 --> 01:31:02,525 and I Just Figured It Out." 2322 01:31:06,662 --> 01:31:08,964 Sue me, Carl! 2323 01:31:11,800 --> 01:31:14,169 Listen. 2324 01:31:14,236 --> 01:31:17,105 I'm fully aware that you may never speak to me again. 2325 01:31:17,172 --> 01:31:19,407 And I understand. I do. 2326 01:31:19,474 --> 01:31:21,677 But before you leave, I want you to know 2327 01:31:21,744 --> 01:31:23,178 that this thing, this whole idea, 2328 01:31:23,245 --> 01:31:25,280 wasn't planned out, it was not premeditated. 2329 01:31:25,347 --> 01:31:27,382 It presented itself. 2330 01:31:27,449 --> 01:31:32,087 And then I guided it into this... event. 2331 01:31:32,154 --> 01:31:34,590 Now, granted, it was dramatic, it was extreme... 2332 01:31:35,891 --> 01:31:37,626 but you dove 2333 01:31:37,693 --> 01:31:39,027 head-on into the muck 2334 01:31:39,094 --> 01:31:42,097 and came out with this masterpiece. 2335 01:31:43,532 --> 01:31:46,034 And I hope, one day, you can understand... 2336 01:31:48,604 --> 01:31:51,073 that you got what you wanted, Stace. 2337 01:31:51,139 --> 01:31:53,542 Your life back. 2338 01:31:55,744 --> 01:31:58,647 I should tear your eyes out right now. 2339 01:32:00,916 --> 01:32:03,986 But how will you ever be able 2340 01:32:04,052 --> 01:32:06,354 to look at yourself in the morning? 2341 01:32:10,225 --> 01:32:11,594 Oops. 2342 01:32:15,263 --> 01:32:17,299 Looks like we have an audience. 2343 01:32:21,203 --> 01:32:22,605 Stay put. 2344 01:32:22,671 --> 01:32:24,707 Kippie Kann Live and "Little Black Book" 2345 01:32:24,773 --> 01:32:27,576 will be back after these words. 2346 01:32:39,554 --> 01:32:41,924 Move it, will ya?! 2347 01:32:41,990 --> 01:32:43,659 The question: 2348 01:32:43,726 --> 01:32:46,494 How does a girl who jumps into a rabbit hole, 2349 01:32:46,561 --> 01:32:48,330 plummeting into chaos, 2350 01:32:48,396 --> 01:32:49,832 come out unchanged? 2351 01:32:49,898 --> 01:32:51,634 The answer? 2352 01:32:51,700 --> 01:32:53,736 She doesn't. 2353 01:33:11,519 --> 01:33:14,456 No, you can't be closed now! 2354 01:33:14,522 --> 01:33:15,891 Oh. 2355 01:33:19,427 --> 01:33:20,929 Stacy? 2356 01:33:22,064 --> 01:33:24,667 Stacy Holt? It's Bean. 2357 01:33:24,733 --> 01:33:27,335 King. Bean King from college. 2358 01:33:27,402 --> 01:33:28,937 Bean? 2359 01:33:29,004 --> 01:33:31,373 Bean, what are you doing here? 2360 01:33:31,439 --> 01:33:34,309 Uh, inventory. We... We just finished. 2361 01:33:34,376 --> 01:33:36,679 Bean There is yours? 2362 01:33:36,745 --> 01:33:38,146 Yeah. The coffee place? 2363 01:33:38,213 --> 01:33:40,382 I come here all the time. Of course it's yours. 2364 01:33:40,448 --> 01:33:42,284 Wow. 2365 01:33:42,350 --> 01:33:45,320 This all makes sense in some cosmic way. 2366 01:33:45,387 --> 01:33:46,789 Ha! 2367 01:33:47,890 --> 01:33:50,425 I get it! I get it. 2368 01:33:51,794 --> 01:33:54,830 This must sound crazy to you. 2369 01:33:56,431 --> 01:33:58,000 It's just... 2370 01:33:59,902 --> 01:34:03,706 I have spent a lifetime preparing for a lifetime 2371 01:34:03,772 --> 01:34:08,643 and I was beginning to think it all went wrong somehow. 2372 01:34:08,711 --> 01:34:12,815 But maybe you're the reason, Bean. 2373 01:34:12,881 --> 01:34:14,349 For...? 2374 01:34:14,416 --> 01:34:15,818 Everything. 2375 01:34:15,884 --> 01:34:19,955 Maybe you're the plan I was supposed to hang on to. 2376 01:34:20,022 --> 01:34:22,390 Bean? 2377 01:34:22,457 --> 01:34:25,260 The 8:00 was sold out. Should I try the 10:20? 2378 01:34:25,327 --> 01:34:27,295 Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure, honey. 2379 01:34:27,362 --> 01:34:28,797 I'll be right there. 2380 01:34:30,298 --> 01:34:31,633 Um, that's my wife. 2381 01:34:31,700 --> 01:34:33,736 Colleen. 2382 01:34:33,802 --> 01:34:35,570 You should come meet her. 2383 01:34:35,637 --> 01:34:38,073 Love to. 2384 01:34:38,140 --> 01:34:41,443 But I just gotta go jump in the river now. 2385 01:34:41,509 --> 01:34:43,511 Oh, hey, come on, now. 2386 01:34:46,281 --> 01:34:51,319 Every plan I had for my life went so unbelievably wrong. 2387 01:34:52,554 --> 01:34:54,456 John Lennon said, 2388 01:34:54,522 --> 01:34:57,059 "Life happens when you're busy making other plans." 2389 01:34:57,125 --> 01:34:59,294 Then he got shot. Right. 2390 01:34:59,361 --> 01:35:01,063 You just gotta live. 2391 01:35:01,129 --> 01:35:03,799 Stop planning your moves. Let them happen. 2392 01:35:03,866 --> 01:35:05,901 I mean, you might be surprised. 2393 01:35:07,635 --> 01:35:10,005 Do you believe in happy endings, Bean? 2394 01:35:12,607 --> 01:35:15,543 Yeah. Yeah, I think so. 2395 01:35:15,610 --> 01:35:17,345 How...? How about you? 2396 01:35:17,412 --> 01:35:19,314 I do. 2397 01:35:20,783 --> 01:35:22,517 Isn't that funny? 2398 01:35:22,584 --> 01:35:25,053 I still do, with all my heart. 2399 01:35:26,789 --> 01:35:29,657 Even when the girl doesn't get the guy in the end. 2400 01:35:29,724 --> 01:35:33,661 Or, in my case, both guys. 2401 01:35:36,999 --> 01:35:39,935 Well, that's amazing. Congratulations. 2402 01:35:40,002 --> 01:35:41,003 Thanks. 2403 01:35:42,637 --> 01:35:45,874 You go find your happy ending, Stacy Holt. 2404 01:35:48,610 --> 01:35:53,015 And, uh, thanks for the continuing patronage. 2405 01:36:06,962 --> 01:36:09,998 By fall, I was ready to try again. 2406 01:36:10,065 --> 01:36:13,301 A little bruised, a little humbled, 2407 01:36:13,368 --> 01:36:15,470 and, hopefully, a little smarter. 2408 01:36:17,840 --> 01:36:20,042 I believe we write our own stories. 2409 01:36:20,108 --> 01:36:22,978 And each time we think we know the end... 2410 01:36:24,479 --> 01:36:26,014 we don't. 2411 01:36:26,081 --> 01:36:30,185 Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, 2412 01:36:30,252 --> 01:36:32,054 the world of chance, 2413 01:36:32,120 --> 01:36:34,089 and in the peace that comes from knowing 2414 01:36:34,156 --> 01:36:36,224 that you just can't know it all. 2415 01:36:38,894 --> 01:36:40,395 You know, life's funny that way. 2416 01:36:40,462 --> 01:36:43,131 Once you look over the wheel, 2417 01:36:43,198 --> 01:36:45,868 you might end up... 2418 01:36:45,934 --> 01:36:48,003 right where you belong. 2419 01:36:50,572 --> 01:36:53,541 Wow, that is such an amazing story. 2420 01:36:53,608 --> 01:36:55,710 I mean, you went through all of that 2421 01:36:55,777 --> 01:36:57,745 and here you are. 2422 01:36:59,681 --> 01:37:02,017 I can do this job, Jane. 2423 01:37:02,084 --> 01:37:04,652 I've been preparing my whole life. 2424 01:37:04,719 --> 01:37:07,489 It's too bad Diane's gone. 2425 01:37:08,857 --> 01:37:10,258 She is? 2426 01:37:10,325 --> 01:37:11,459 On assignment. 2427 01:37:11,526 --> 01:37:12,895 She'll be back next week. 2428 01:37:12,961 --> 01:37:14,362 Oh. 2429 01:37:14,429 --> 01:37:17,832 But... before she left, 2430 01:37:17,900 --> 01:37:20,235 she told me, "If you find someone great for this job, 2431 01:37:20,302 --> 01:37:23,371 "I mean, perfect, 2432 01:37:23,438 --> 01:37:25,807 don't let them go." 2433 01:37:27,242 --> 01:37:28,877 Welcome aboard, Stacy. 2434 01:37:28,944 --> 01:37:30,378 You mean...? 2435 01:37:30,445 --> 01:37:32,614 I got the job? 2436 01:37:32,680 --> 01:37:33,882 You got the job. 2437 01:37:35,817 --> 01:37:37,152 Congratulations. 2438 01:37:37,219 --> 01:37:40,255 Stay here. I'll go check Diane's calendar. 2439 01:37:40,322 --> 01:37:42,190 Thank you. 2440 01:38:00,708 --> 01:38:02,377 Hello, Mama. 2441 01:38:02,444 --> 01:38:03,811 I got the job! 2442 01:38:03,878 --> 01:38:05,480 You got the job! 2443 01:38:05,547 --> 01:38:07,382 You got the job! She got the job! 2444 01:38:07,449 --> 01:38:09,384 I got the job! I got the job! 2445 01:38:09,451 --> 01:38:11,286 She got the job! 2446 01:38:11,353 --> 01:38:13,288 It's amazing, amazing, amazing! 2447 01:38:13,355 --> 01:38:14,722 I knew it! I knew it! 2448 01:38:14,789 --> 01:38:16,158 What could be better than this? 2449 01:38:16,224 --> 01:38:18,326 I mean, Mama, what could be better? 2450 01:38:19,527 --> 01:38:21,029 Are you Jane? 2451 01:38:22,564 --> 01:38:25,733 I'm Carly Simon. I'm here for the pre-tape. 2452 01:38:28,036 --> 01:38:29,571 Jane! 2453 01:38:29,637 --> 01:38:31,473 Jane? Jane?! 2454 01:38:31,539 --> 01:38:33,008 Jane, are you okay? 2455 01:38:33,075 --> 01:38:34,676 Are you okay? - Hello? Stacy? 2456 01:38:34,742 --> 01:38:36,111 Honey? 2457 01:38:36,178 --> 01:38:37,512 Honey, are you there? 2458 01:38:37,579 --> 01:38:38,813 Hello? 2459 01:38:38,880 --> 01:38:40,315 Hi, I've just come into the studio 2460 01:38:40,382 --> 01:38:41,984 and I think your friend fainted. 2461 01:38:42,050 --> 01:38:43,518 She fainted? Oh, my God. 2462 01:38:43,585 --> 01:38:46,054 Who is this? My name is Carly Simon. 2463 01:38:46,121 --> 01:38:48,490 I'm just here to meet with Jane. 2464 01:38:48,556 --> 01:38:49,924 Oh. 2465 01:38:49,992 --> 01:38:51,059 And I, uh... 2466 01:38:51,126 --> 01:38:52,660 Oh, I think she's coming round again, 2467 01:38:52,727 --> 01:38:54,329 so I'm gonna give her the phone. 2468 01:38:55,430 --> 01:38:56,564 Hello? 2469 01:38:56,631 --> 01:38:58,166 Mama? 2470 01:38:58,233 --> 01:39:00,702 Hmm, gone. 2471 01:39:00,768 --> 01:39:02,670 Are you really Carly Simon? 2472 01:39:02,737 --> 01:39:04,372 Yeah, yeah, I just... I can't... 2473 01:39:04,439 --> 01:39:06,008 I can't believe this. 2474 01:39:06,074 --> 01:39:07,909 You just really made my life. Are you really Jane? 2475 01:39:07,976 --> 01:39:10,545 My name is Stacy Holt. Stacy. 2476 01:39:10,612 --> 01:39:13,781 I just got a job here. Please don't tell Diane that I fainted 2477 01:39:13,848 --> 01:39:15,850 You really are Carly Simon? You really are okay? 2478 01:39:15,917 --> 01:39:17,785 This is the most... Yes, thank you! 2479 01:39:17,852 --> 01:39:21,056 I'm so mortified! I hug people when I'm embarrassed. 2480 01:39:21,123 --> 01:39:22,790 This is... So do I. 2481 01:39:22,857 --> 01:39:24,692 I'm so nervous. I do exactly the same thing! 2482 01:39:24,759 --> 01:39:26,561 I think this is just about the greatest day 2483 01:39:26,628 --> 01:39:27,962 of my whole entire life. 2484 01:39:28,030 --> 01:39:30,165 Thank you. Thank you so much! 2485 01:39:30,232 --> 01:39:32,167 I love you! 2486 01:39:32,234 --> 01:39:35,203 ♪ Let the river run ♪ 2487 01:39:35,270 --> 01:39:36,804 ♪ Let the river run ♪ 2488 01:39:36,871 --> 01:39:38,440 ♪ Let all the dreamers ♪ 2489 01:39:38,506 --> 01:39:39,974 ♪ Let all the dreamers ♪ 2490 01:39:40,042 --> 01:39:41,343 ♪ Wake the nation ♪ 2491 01:39:41,409 --> 01:39:43,178 ♪ Wake the nation ♪ 2492 01:39:43,245 --> 01:39:44,612 ♪ Come ♪ 2493 01:39:44,679 --> 01:39:50,685 ♪ The New Jerusalem ♪ 2494 01:40:02,964 --> 01:40:05,233 ♪ Why'd you tell me this? ♪ 2495 01:40:05,300 --> 01:40:11,039 ♪ Were you looking ♪ ♪ For my reaction? ♪ 2496 01:40:11,106 --> 01:40:14,176 ♪ What do you need to know? ♪ 2497 01:40:14,242 --> 01:40:19,013 ♪ Don't you know ♪ ♪ I'll always be your girl? ♪ 2498 01:40:20,482 --> 01:40:23,218 ♪ You don't have to prove To me ♪ 2499 01:40:23,285 --> 01:40:27,889 ♪ You're beautiful To strangers ♪ 2500 01:40:27,955 --> 01:40:33,095 ♪ I've got loving eyes ♪ 2501 01:40:34,262 --> 01:40:37,965 ♪ Of my own ♪ 2502 01:40:38,032 --> 01:40:40,034 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2503 01:40:40,102 --> 01:40:43,105 ♪ Tell her, tell her ♪ ♪ You were foolin' ♪ 2504 01:40:43,171 --> 01:40:45,307 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2505 01:40:45,373 --> 01:40:46,774 ♪ You don't even know her ♪ 2506 01:40:46,841 --> 01:40:49,144 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2507 01:40:49,211 --> 01:40:51,446 ♪ Tell her that I love you ♪ 2508 01:40:51,513 --> 01:40:54,516 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2509 01:40:55,917 --> 01:40:59,087 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2510 01:40:59,154 --> 01:41:00,522 ♪ Can it be, honey ♪ 2511 01:41:00,588 --> 01:41:03,925 ♪ That you're not sure? ♪ 2512 01:41:05,127 --> 01:41:07,162 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2513 01:41:07,229 --> 01:41:09,497 ♪ Thought we'd closed the book ♪ 2514 01:41:09,564 --> 01:41:13,701 ♪ Locked the door ♪ 2515 01:41:13,768 --> 01:41:16,070 ♪ You don't have to prove To me ♪ 2516 01:41:16,138 --> 01:41:21,176 ♪ That you're beautiful ♪ ♪ To strangers ♪ 2517 01:41:21,243 --> 01:41:24,045 ♪ I've got loving eyes ♪ 2518 01:41:24,112 --> 01:41:27,549 ♪ Of my own, of my own ♪ 2519 01:41:27,615 --> 01:41:31,319 ♪ And I can tell, ♪ ♪ I can tell, darling ♪ 2520 01:41:31,386 --> 01:41:33,721 ♪ Tell her ♪ 2521 01:41:33,788 --> 01:41:35,790 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2522 01:41:35,857 --> 01:41:38,059 ♪ Tell her that I love you ♪ 2523 01:41:38,126 --> 01:41:39,694 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2524 01:41:39,761 --> 01:41:42,264 ♪ You belong, you belong, ♪ ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2525 01:41:42,330 --> 01:41:43,731 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2526 01:41:43,798 --> 01:41:46,301 ♪ Tell her you were foolin' ♪ 2527 01:41:46,368 --> 01:41:48,970 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2528 01:41:49,036 --> 01:41:51,539 ♪ Tell her She don't even know you ♪ 2529 01:42:08,456 --> 01:42:09,957 ♪ Tell her ♪ 2530 01:42:10,024 --> 01:42:12,026 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2531 01:42:12,093 --> 01:42:14,162 ♪ Tell her you were foolin' ♪ 2532 01:42:14,229 --> 01:42:15,763 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2533 01:42:15,830 --> 01:42:18,500 ♪ I've known you ♪ ♪ From a long time ago, baby ♪ 2534 01:42:18,566 --> 01:42:20,101 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2535 01:42:20,168 --> 01:42:22,837 ♪ Don't leave me To go to her now ♪ 2536 01:42:22,904 --> 01:42:24,939 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2537 01:42:27,141 --> 01:42:29,177 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2538 01:42:31,413 --> 01:42:33,114 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2539 01:42:33,181 --> 01:42:35,417 ♪ Baby, I really love you ♪ 2540 01:42:35,483 --> 01:42:36,918 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2541 01:42:36,984 --> 01:42:40,488 ♪ Tell her, tell her ♪ ♪ Tell her she don't know you ♪ 2542 01:42:40,555 --> 01:42:42,257 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2543 01:42:42,324 --> 01:42:44,726 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2544 01:42:44,792 --> 01:42:46,328 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2545 01:42:48,563 --> 01:42:50,732 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2546 01:42:50,798 --> 01:42:53,167 ♪ 'Cause you belong to me ♪ 2547 01:42:53,235 --> 01:42:55,403 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2548 01:42:57,572 --> 01:42:59,374 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2549 01:42:59,441 --> 01:43:00,575 ♪ You belong ♪ 2550 01:43:00,642 --> 01:43:02,109 ♪ You belong, you belong to me ♪ 2551 01:43:02,176 --> 01:43:03,511 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2552 01:43:03,578 --> 01:43:04,579 ♪ Oh ♪ 2553 01:43:04,646 --> 01:43:06,047 ♪ Oh, babe ♪ 2554 01:43:06,113 --> 01:43:07,815 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2555 01:43:07,882 --> 01:43:10,585 ♪ You belong, you belong ♪ ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2556 01:43:10,652 --> 01:43:11,986 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2557 01:43:12,053 --> 01:43:13,755 ♪ Oh, oh, no ♪ 2558 01:43:13,821 --> 01:43:15,390 ♪ Oh, no, baby ♪ 2559 01:43:15,457 --> 01:43:16,924 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2560 01:43:16,991 --> 01:43:19,261 ♪ I'm telling her, darling ♪ ♪ I love you so ♪ 2561 01:43:19,327 --> 01:43:21,229 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2562 01:43:23,598 --> 01:43:26,200 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 2563 01:43:28,336 --> 01:43:30,538 ♪ You belong to me ♪