3
00:00:21,129 --> 00:00:25,327
You can run, but you can't hide
from the Lord.

4
00:00:28,538 --> 00:00:31,098
You can never
judge a woman with bad...

5
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:15,208
Sarah Rose knows
you're a beautiful person.

6
00:01:16,284 --> 00:01:21,222
Sarah Rose knows
you have an unusual talent.

7
00:01:21,256 --> 00:01:26,354
Sarah Rose knows
you're a teenage girl.

8
00:01:26,396 --> 00:01:29,193
And she definitely knows...

9
00:01:29,232 --> 00:01:33,965
that you are ready for
the ultimate in teen glamour.

10
00:01:36,104 --> 00:01:40,541
The American
Teen Princess Pageant!

11
00:01:40,575 --> 00:01:43,340
And now, a few words
from last year's host...

12
00:01:43,378 --> 00:01:45,744
Mr. Adam West!

13
00:01:45,782 --> 00:01:48,273
The American
Teen Princess Pageant...

14
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:54,187
has been enriching the lives of
American-made girls since 1945.

15
00:01:54,222 --> 00:01:56,850
The American
Teen Princess Pageant...

16
00:01:56,893 --> 00:02:01,387
provides personal growth,
scholarship, travel!

17
00:02:01,431 --> 00:02:05,265
And you might even meet
a few celebrities.

18
00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:06,597
Yes!

19
00:02:06,636 --> 00:02:08,103
At the national level...

20
00:02:08,136 --> 00:02:11,664
thousands of seventeen-year-old
girls like yourselves...

21
00:02:11,741 --> 00:02:14,710
compete around the country
in places like...

22
00:02:14,744 --> 00:02:17,178
beautiful Mount Rose,
Minnesota...

23
00:02:17,212 --> 00:02:21,206
and make it all the way
here to Lincoln, Alabama...

24
00:02:21,249 --> 00:02:25,380
to compete for the title
of American Teen Princess.

25
00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:28,857
So which one of you will it be?

26
00:02:28,890 --> 00:02:34,659
Like sands through the hourglass
so are the "Days Of Our Lives. "

27
00:02:37,499 --> 00:02:40,128
God, Iris, you taped
your shows over it.

28
00:02:40,168 --> 00:02:41,500
I'm sorry.

29
00:02:47,143 --> 00:02:49,873
Now, ladies,
the rest of the tape...

30
00:02:49,911 --> 00:02:52,345
which is now gone forever...

31
00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:55,645
goes on about starting
that great journey...

32
00:02:55,685 --> 00:02:58,813
which we call the American
Teen Princess Pageant.

33
00:02:58,855 --> 00:03:00,584
So any of you young ladies...

34
00:03:00,622 --> 00:03:02,352
who'd like to start
on that journey...

35
00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:04,791
you just come right down here
and sign up.

36
00:03:04,826 --> 00:03:07,727
And, please, help yourself
to some coffee and bars.

37
00:03:09,499 --> 00:03:11,433
Showtime.

38
00:03:13,034 --> 00:03:14,365
Do you think
most people would say...

39
00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:16,701
that teenage beauty pageants
are a good idea?

40
00:03:16,772 --> 00:03:18,171
Oh, yeah, sure.

41
00:03:18,206 --> 00:03:19,867
I know what some of your
big-city, no-bra-wearin'...

42
00:03:19,941 --> 00:03:22,409
hairy-legged
women libbers might say.

43
00:03:22,445 --> 00:03:23,911
They might say that a pageant...

44
00:03:23,945 --> 00:03:26,311
is old-fashioned
and demeaning to the girls.

45
00:03:26,349 --> 00:03:28,374
What's sick is women
dressing like men.

46
00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:30,009
You betcha, Iris.

47
00:03:30,052 --> 00:03:32,019
No, I think you boys
are going to find something...

48
00:03:32,054 --> 00:03:33,817
a little bit different
here in Mount Rose.

49
00:03:33,855 --> 00:03:36,221
For one thing,
we're all God-fearin' folk.

50
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:37,988
Every last one of us.

51
00:03:38,026 --> 00:03:42,395
And you will not find a
"back room" in our video store.

52
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:45,559
No, that filth is better
left to the sin cities.

53
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,660
A.k. a. Minneapolis, St. Paul.

54
00:04:10,393 --> 00:04:11,860
Oh, yeah, sure.

55
00:04:11,893 --> 00:04:13,326
Freda, sure.

56
00:04:13,361 --> 00:04:15,693
She was the oldest
living Lutheran.

57
00:04:15,731 --> 00:04:18,460
Now she's as dead as a doornail.

58
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:21,025
It's the damn Shriners
who won't take down...

59
00:04:21,069 --> 00:04:23,799
that goddamn sign,
the lazy sons of bitches.

60
00:04:23,872 --> 00:04:26,807
Every year... every damn year,
I tell 'em...

61
00:04:26,842 --> 00:04:29,310
"Take down
the goddamn Freda sign...

62
00:04:29,378 --> 00:04:30,845
"you lazy sons of bitches!"

63
00:04:44,493 --> 00:04:48,259
Today's "to do" list includes
a trip to the Mall of America...

64
00:04:48,296 --> 00:04:50,264
where we are going
to be buying outfits...

65
00:04:50,298 --> 00:04:51,663
for the physical fitness number.

66
00:04:51,701 --> 00:04:52,725
Nothing too showy.

67
00:04:52,768 --> 00:04:54,360
No. You betcha, Iris.

68
00:04:54,403 --> 00:04:56,803
We need that third judge.
Gosh, don't let me forget...

69
00:04:56,872 --> 00:04:58,066
We need to think of a theme.

70
00:04:58,140 --> 00:05:00,540
Gladys, look out!

71
00:05:00,575 --> 00:05:02,543
Gosh darn it.
Hello, Father Dunegan.

72
00:05:02,612 --> 00:05:04,341
Sidewalks? Sidewalks?

73
00:05:05,914 --> 00:05:08,475
Iris, stop it.
It's not his fault.

74
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:12,077
The communal wine just proves
too tempting for some of them.

75
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:13,587
That's why we Lutherans
use grape Kool-Aid...

76
00:05:13,623 --> 00:05:14,988
for the blood of Christ.

77
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:17,891
There's a parking space
over there.

78
00:05:17,926 --> 00:05:19,985
Oh, no.
That's just a compact. Sorry.

79
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,791
You'd think they'd have
the parking lot of America...

80
00:05:21,831 --> 00:05:23,422
to go with the Mall of America.

81
00:05:23,466 --> 00:05:26,196
It's a $200 fine!

82
00:05:26,234 --> 00:05:29,204
I told you I would move the car
if a cripple came.

83
00:05:29,271 --> 00:05:32,468
Now just run in the store
and pick out some outfits.

84
00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:33,565
All right, let's go.

85
00:05:33,643 --> 00:05:35,110
Wait, wait, wait.

86
00:05:35,177 --> 00:05:36,405
What?

87
00:05:36,445 --> 00:05:38,139
I think I just thought
of the theme.

88
00:05:38,180 --> 00:05:40,875
Oh, what?

89
00:05:40,916 --> 00:05:43,510
"Proud to be an American. "

90
00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:46,851
So, what was the theme
of the pageant last year?

91
00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:49,653
Oh, that was "Buy American. "

92
00:05:49,691 --> 00:05:51,454
And the year before that was...

93
00:05:51,494 --> 00:05:53,689
"U.S.A. Is A-OK!"

94
00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:56,493
And can you remember the theme
of your favorite pageant?

95
00:05:56,531 --> 00:05:58,523
Can I?

96
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,363
"Amer-I Can!"

97
00:06:01,771 --> 00:06:03,897
People ask me where I get this.

98
00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:06,372
I don't know.
A gift from God or something.

99
00:06:17,552 --> 00:06:18,713
Hi.

100
00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:22,417
Just introduce yourself
and tell us why...

101
00:06:22,457 --> 00:06:23,924
you're signing up
for the pageant.

102
00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:26,119
OK. Hi. Hi.

103
00:06:26,162 --> 00:06:28,755
I'm Leslie Miller.

104
00:06:28,798 --> 00:06:32,427
I'm signing up 'cause,
you know...

105
00:06:32,467 --> 00:06:34,527
I always watch
the pageants on TV...

106
00:06:34,569 --> 00:06:37,733
and my boyfriend
thinks I'll win.

107
00:06:37,807 --> 00:06:39,365
For my talent,
I'm going to be doing...

108
00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:41,033
You've been talking
to this guy long enough.

109
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,101
I'm trying to tell him...

110
00:06:43,178 --> 00:06:44,373
Now?

111
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:51,752
Hi, Pat.

112
00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:53,277
Go Muskies!

113
00:06:56,092 --> 00:07:01,393
Hi. I'm Amber Atkins,
and I'm signing up...

114
00:07:01,430 --> 00:07:04,125
'cause my two favorite people
in the whole world...

115
00:07:04,166 --> 00:07:06,191
competed in pageants...

116
00:07:06,234 --> 00:07:09,033
my mom and Diane Sawyer.

117
00:07:09,071 --> 00:07:10,538
Course, I hope I end up...

118
00:07:10,605 --> 00:07:13,006
a little more like Diane Sawyer
than my mom.

119
00:07:23,785 --> 00:07:26,220
Do you do
any of the embalming?

120
00:07:26,254 --> 00:07:28,780
Oh, my God, no. Oh, God.

121
00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:30,758
I just do the hair and makeup
on the deceased.

122
00:07:32,961 --> 00:07:34,428
I'm lucky I have
an afterschool job...

123
00:07:34,463 --> 00:07:35,930
where I can practice my talent.

124
00:07:40,402 --> 00:07:43,859
Oh, yeah, sure.
Every pageant is special...

125
00:07:43,939 --> 00:07:49,274
but this one
is extra-super-special to me.

126
00:07:49,311 --> 00:07:52,678
When I was seventeen...
I don't know if you know this...

127
00:07:52,714 --> 00:07:58,984
I was crowned Mount Rose's
American Teen Princess...

128
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,181
and this year...

129
00:08:01,223 --> 00:08:03,952
drumroll, please...

130
00:08:03,992 --> 00:08:09,056
my lovely daughter
Rebecca Ann Leeman is competing.

131
00:08:10,665 --> 00:08:11,927
Is this my mark?

132
00:08:13,835 --> 00:08:17,862
Hi. I'm Rebecca Leeman,
and I believe this pageant...

133
00:08:17,939 --> 00:08:19,805
is an important experience
for every young woman.

134
00:08:19,841 --> 00:08:21,968
It...

135
00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:25,012
Well, it teaches you what's
really important in life...

136
00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:28,015
and it has the power
to change you...

137
00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:30,040
in ways you've never dreamed of.

138
00:08:39,694 --> 00:08:43,027
My mom gave me this nine-mill
for my thirteenth birthday.

139
00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:45,761
Yeah. I'll always remember
what she wrote in the card.

140
00:08:45,801 --> 00:08:47,826
"Jesus loves winners. "

141
00:08:47,869 --> 00:08:51,328
That's why no matter what I do,
I aim to win.

142
00:08:56,478 --> 00:09:00,641
Why?
Well, it's kinda like asking...

143
00:09:00,682 --> 00:09:04,448
why all the guys chew
Copenhagen, you know?

144
00:09:04,486 --> 00:09:06,044
If you're seventeen...

145
00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:09,818
and you're not a total fry,
it's just what you do.

146
00:09:11,326 --> 00:09:13,886
Have you decided what
your talent is going to be yet?

147
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:17,228
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
I'm gonna sing and dance...

148
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,460
to "New York, New York. "

149
00:09:19,501 --> 00:09:22,264
I just fell in love with
the Big Apple last summer...

150
00:09:22,304 --> 00:09:24,703
when I was visiting
my brother Peter there.

151
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:27,741
He followed his dream
all the way to New York.

152
00:09:27,809 --> 00:09:31,074
Wait.

153
00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:35,014
Here's Peter as... Liza!

154
00:09:35,050 --> 00:09:37,075
Here's him as Madonna.

155
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,780
As Barbara.

156
00:09:48,897 --> 00:09:52,425
I don't know what
my talent's gonna be yet.

157
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:57,036
Kenny! Kenny, come.
Come, Kenny.

158
00:09:57,105 --> 00:10:00,200
Oh, Kenny!
Oh, this is Kenny.

159
00:10:00,275 --> 00:10:01,903
Spike, my German shepherd...

160
00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:04,537
he went to live
with a nice family on a farm...

161
00:10:04,613 --> 00:10:06,376
after he attacked me...

162
00:10:06,415 --> 00:10:08,848
but it wasn't his fault,
was it, Kenny? No.

163
00:10:08,884 --> 00:10:11,717
I had beef jerky
in my front pocket.

164
00:10:16,258 --> 00:10:19,455
They remade my belly
with skin from my butt.

165
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:24,831
I was Mount Rose American
Teen Princess in 1945.

166
00:10:24,866 --> 00:10:29,270
We were at war with the Japs.

167
00:10:29,304 --> 00:10:31,499
Didn't even get to keep
my damn tiara.

168
00:10:31,572 --> 00:10:35,134
I had to turn it in for scrap.

169
00:10:41,215 --> 00:10:46,677
So we adopt Molly three year ago
when we come to America...

170
00:10:46,722 --> 00:10:50,249
to help acclimate us
to American.

171
00:10:50,292 --> 00:10:52,521
To America, Dad.

172
00:10:55,097 --> 00:10:57,462
She all-American girl.

173
00:10:57,499 --> 00:11:00,194
She our Teen American Princess.

174
00:11:00,234 --> 00:11:01,462
Oh, Ma.

175
00:11:08,677 --> 00:11:10,144
English!

176
00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:12,680
Speak English,
you stupid little retard!

177
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:17,584
So, Molly, tell movie man
what you talent do.

178
00:11:17,618 --> 00:11:19,552
I'll be line dancing.

179
00:11:19,588 --> 00:11:21,954
Country western!

180
00:11:21,990 --> 00:11:23,959
Clint Black, ruff!

181
00:11:23,992 --> 00:11:27,553
Hey, what he got that I not got?

182
00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:32,166
So have you decided what
your talent is going to be...

183
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:33,565
for the pageant yet?

184
00:11:33,602 --> 00:11:37,697
Yeah. I'll be doing
a dramatic monologue...

185
00:11:37,773 --> 00:11:41,765
and right now
I'm thinking "Othello... "

186
00:11:41,843 --> 00:11:43,641
or "Soylent Green... "

187
00:11:43,678 --> 00:11:46,943
Well, my own version of it.

188
00:11:46,982 --> 00:11:49,609
You know, a lot of girls
make a smooth transition...

189
00:11:49,650 --> 00:11:51,015
from pageants into acting.

190
00:11:51,053 --> 00:11:52,645
Competing for the title...

191
00:11:52,687 --> 00:11:57,124
of Minnesota's American Teen
Princess sure was exciting...

192
00:11:57,159 --> 00:11:59,126
but I never could have won...

193
00:11:59,161 --> 00:12:02,152
without my Saint Paul
pork products.

194
00:12:02,197 --> 00:12:06,428
I've been enjoying Saint Paul
pork products for years.

195
00:12:06,468 --> 00:12:09,301
I grew up right next
to these stockyards.

196
00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:12,102
It's still the same
family-run business...

197
00:12:12,174 --> 00:12:16,304
that Walter and Vera Pularski
started in 1920...

198
00:12:16,378 --> 00:12:19,814
when they raised
and slaughtered their first pig.

199
00:12:23,885 --> 00:12:27,548
I just love
Saint Paul pork products.

200
00:12:27,588 --> 00:12:30,581
In fact, I love 'em so much...

201
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,958
I work here now!

202
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:37,462
Oh, help yourself.

203
00:12:40,836 --> 00:12:42,599
Thanks.

204
00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:44,162
You're welcome.

205
00:12:44,238 --> 00:12:46,230
My talent will be...

206
00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:47,673
an interpretive...

207
00:12:50,579 --> 00:12:52,342
dance...

208
00:12:52,381 --> 00:12:54,940
while I sign...

209
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:57,884
"Through the Eyes of Love. "

210
00:12:57,919 --> 00:13:01,184
Yeah. Well, see...

211
00:13:01,223 --> 00:13:03,315
I have a dream...

212
00:13:03,357 --> 00:13:06,588
of spreading sign language...

213
00:13:06,627 --> 00:13:09,188
around the world.

214
00:13:11,233 --> 00:13:15,862
Mom, will you be so kind?

215
00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:26,204
Tammy Curry...

216
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,145
and I'm signing up
for the pageant...

217
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:29,342
'cause of
the scholarships and all.

218
00:13:29,383 --> 00:13:31,352
This one's for varsity soccer.

219
00:13:31,385 --> 00:13:32,784
I'm captain.

220
00:13:32,821 --> 00:13:36,347
I run track, and right here
I'm the new president...

221
00:13:36,390 --> 00:13:37,880
of the Lutheran
Sisterhood Gun Club.

222
00:13:37,925 --> 00:13:40,325
Love that one.

223
00:13:45,834 --> 00:13:47,300
Would you say...

224
00:13:47,335 --> 00:13:49,395
you have a good chance
to win this pageant?

225
00:13:49,438 --> 00:13:51,405
Yeah. You bet I do.

226
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:55,035
I mean, maybe other people think
I can't win a beauty pageant...

227
00:13:55,110 --> 00:13:57,374
but other people didn't think
I could beat out...

228
00:13:57,411 --> 00:14:01,872
Becky Leeman for president of
the gun club, either, and I did.

229
00:14:01,917 --> 00:14:04,316
It's just like
Anthony Robbins says...

230
00:14:04,352 --> 00:14:05,581
"I'm a winner.

231
00:14:05,620 --> 00:14:08,385
"Nobody can stop me but me. "

232
00:14:19,101 --> 00:14:22,558
Well, you know, I think
everybody's doing really well...

233
00:14:22,603 --> 00:14:24,970
considering the fact
she was so young.

234
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:26,734
It's always hard to see
the young ones called home.

235
00:14:26,807 --> 00:14:29,800
Especially
on an exploding thresher.

236
00:14:29,877 --> 00:14:33,336
It's just so odd and gross.

237
00:14:33,415 --> 00:14:34,882
You know, sometimes...

238
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:38,148
it's hard to understand
God's great plan.

239
00:14:39,955 --> 00:14:41,922
But the show must go on.

240
00:14:41,957 --> 00:14:43,788
I gotta get ahold of Ted...

241
00:14:43,824 --> 00:14:45,849
and ask him if we can use that
barn light as a spot again...

242
00:14:45,893 --> 00:14:48,055
so you watch
the Jell-O salad, OK?

243
00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:50,290
You girls gonna sign up
for the pageant this year?

244
00:14:50,332 --> 00:14:52,322
I ain't gonna be
in no goddamn pageant.

245
00:14:52,366 --> 00:14:54,335
Look what happened
to that dork-ass farm girl.

246
00:14:54,368 --> 00:14:55,392
Tammy Curry?

247
00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:57,666
Yeah. Everyone says
this is a big accident?

248
00:14:57,738 --> 00:14:59,707
She got iced
because she wins everything...

249
00:14:59,740 --> 00:15:01,765
and this time someone
didn't want her to win.

250
00:15:01,842 --> 00:15:03,367
This pageant's
like a Roach Motel.

251
00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:05,412
Girls check in,
but they don't check out.

252
00:15:05,479 --> 00:15:08,414
Yeah, and they say smoking's
bad for your health.

253
00:15:12,753 --> 00:15:16,689
And... tendu, close.
Tendu, close.

254
00:15:16,725 --> 00:15:19,318
Tendu, close, plié.

255
00:15:19,361 --> 00:15:20,588
And repeat.

256
00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:21,890
Tendu...

257
00:15:21,929 --> 00:15:23,955
Suck in the bellies, girls!

258
00:15:23,999 --> 00:15:26,057
And tuck in the tushes!

259
00:15:26,101 --> 00:15:27,568
Close those legs.

260
00:15:27,602 --> 00:15:30,470
You look like a bunch
of bowlegged cows.

261
00:15:30,539 --> 00:15:33,030
Other side!

262
00:15:33,108 --> 00:15:36,544
And tendu, close. Tendu, close.

263
00:15:36,611 --> 00:15:37,943
Tendu, close, plié.

264
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,777
Yeah, you boys
sure picked a good year.

265
00:15:40,816 --> 00:15:42,783
If I was a betting woman...

266
00:15:42,818 --> 00:15:44,250
and there was a line
on this in Vegas...

267
00:15:44,286 --> 00:15:47,016
I'd lay down ten to one
that it all comes down...

268
00:15:47,054 --> 00:15:49,284
to Amber Atkins
and Becky Leeman.

269
00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:51,154
Oh, sweet Jesus.

270
00:15:51,193 --> 00:15:52,683
What a showdown this should be.

271
00:15:52,728 --> 00:15:54,662
If Cain and Abel...

272
00:15:54,695 --> 00:15:56,857
Oh, God!

273
00:15:56,897 --> 00:15:58,626
That's so embarrassing.

274
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:09,603
My winning the Mount Rose...

275
00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:15,912
American Teen Princess Pageant
really changed my life.

276
00:16:15,951 --> 00:16:20,182
Amber does my hair once a week.

277
00:16:20,222 --> 00:16:22,485
Well, it's the least I can do...

278
00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:27,427
for the reigning Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.

279
00:16:27,461 --> 00:16:29,759
- Oh, God.
- What?

280
00:16:29,798 --> 00:16:32,699
Oh, just a little snarl.

281
00:16:32,733 --> 00:16:34,394
Don't tell.

282
00:16:36,270 --> 00:16:38,795
What? Oh, my God.

283
00:16:38,874 --> 00:16:42,741
Lights, camera, and me
without a stitch of makeup on.

284
00:16:42,778 --> 00:16:44,803
What are you guys doing here?

285
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:46,574
What are you doing here?

286
00:16:46,615 --> 00:16:51,847
Oh, Amber, like you're
the only one who visits Mary?

287
00:16:51,887 --> 00:16:54,116
Who are you?

288
00:16:54,156 --> 00:16:58,525
"Who are you?"
Oh, Mary, you kill me.

289
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,424
She always says that.

290
00:17:00,462 --> 00:17:03,090
It's a little game
we play every week.

291
00:17:03,130 --> 00:17:05,224
Same dippy little look
on her face.

292
00:17:05,267 --> 00:17:07,666
"Who are you? Who are you?"

293
00:17:07,702 --> 00:17:09,170
Just like that.

294
00:17:09,204 --> 00:17:11,797
It's me... Becky.

295
00:17:11,872 --> 00:17:15,502
And I brought your favorites.

296
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:18,375
Real nice, Becky.
She's anorexic.

297
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:22,371
She's skinny, Amber, not deaf.

298
00:17:44,638 --> 00:17:48,507
So, beyond this pageant
you must have certain dreams...

299
00:17:48,542 --> 00:17:50,511
and certain things
you aspire to, yeah?

300
00:17:51,545 --> 00:17:53,878
Yeah, I got dreams.

301
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:57,846
Sometimes I dream of winning.

302
00:17:57,885 --> 00:17:59,513
I dream of getting out
of Mount Rose...

303
00:17:59,553 --> 00:18:03,216
and being a big-time reporter
like Diane Sawyer.

304
00:18:03,257 --> 00:18:06,124
I mean, guys get out of
Mount Rose all the time...

305
00:18:06,161 --> 00:18:08,891
for hockey scholarships...

306
00:18:08,929 --> 00:18:10,329
or prison.

307
00:18:10,364 --> 00:18:13,731
Yeah, 1963.

308
00:18:13,769 --> 00:18:15,395
Her beauty worked against her...

309
00:18:15,437 --> 00:18:18,735
when she started as a reporter
in Louisville, her hometown.

310
00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:20,398
Those were different times.

311
00:18:22,042 --> 00:18:23,635
That's my mom.

312
00:18:23,712 --> 00:18:25,474
Hey, Amber,
did you get my smokes?

313
00:18:25,514 --> 00:18:27,947
Yeah. I'll get 'em in a sec.

314
00:18:27,983 --> 00:18:30,110
Aw, shit.

315
00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:31,517
They're from Los Angeles.

316
00:18:31,552 --> 00:18:33,817
They wanted to see my room
and film me for their movie.

317
00:18:33,854 --> 00:18:36,948
Yeah, well, if they ask you
to take your top off...

318
00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:38,982
get the money first.

319
00:18:39,026 --> 00:18:40,995
And go get my smokes!

320
00:18:59,580 --> 00:19:02,105
Hey, hey, you like it?

321
00:19:02,149 --> 00:19:03,616
- Open it.
- This?

322
00:19:03,652 --> 00:19:05,119
Yeah, the globe.

323
00:19:05,152 --> 00:19:06,881
Go on,
pull on the North Pole there.

324
00:19:06,922 --> 00:19:08,116
Here, watch.

325
00:19:08,155 --> 00:19:09,214
Honey, this isn't a showroom.

326
00:19:09,256 --> 00:19:11,520
See, this holds three
full-size booze bottles.

327
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,858
Tape cassette
comes out of Afghanistan.

328
00:19:15,896 --> 00:19:17,865
All right, all right.

329
00:19:17,898 --> 00:19:20,697
How quickly they forget
where this all comes from.

330
00:19:20,734 --> 00:19:22,202
Taiwan.

331
00:19:22,236 --> 00:19:24,865
That's enough, young lady.

332
00:19:24,940 --> 00:19:26,907
I beg your pardon.
Would you like a drink?

333
00:19:26,942 --> 00:19:28,773
Lmpartial?

334
00:19:28,809 --> 00:19:31,438
When I'm outside these walls,
I am Gladys Leeman...

335
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,846
president Civil Servettes,
impartial as the day is long.

336
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:35,907
But I'm in my house now,
and I gotta warn you...

337
00:19:35,951 --> 00:19:38,180
I'm wearing my wife apron
and my mom hat...

338
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:40,119
so I can safely say
that I am the mother...

339
00:19:40,155 --> 00:19:43,146
of the most talented contestant
Mount Rose has ever had.

340
00:19:43,190 --> 00:19:45,159
Oh, gosh, she's been
singing and dancing...

341
00:19:45,192 --> 00:19:46,955
since she was knee-high
to a pig's eye.

342
00:19:46,994 --> 00:19:49,156
Yeah, she's damn
near as good as...

343
00:19:49,196 --> 00:19:51,165
you know, that little...
that black fellow...

344
00:19:51,198 --> 00:19:52,756
the one with the glass eye...

345
00:19:52,801 --> 00:19:53,926
the Candy Man...

346
00:19:53,969 --> 00:19:56,437
- Sammy Davis, Jr.
- Yeah, the Jew.

347
00:19:56,470 --> 00:19:58,199
Nice one, Dad. He's dead.

348
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:12,015
Yeah. Then we have
the Judges Interview.

349
00:20:12,052 --> 00:20:15,021
Where each girl has a little
ten-minute get-together...

350
00:20:15,055 --> 00:20:17,489
with the judges
prior to the pageant.

351
00:20:17,526 --> 00:20:18,993
Then we have the...

352
00:20:23,697 --> 00:20:24,959
Hello, Tony.

353
00:20:28,235 --> 00:20:29,361
Hey to the folks.

354
00:20:29,403 --> 00:20:30,735
Yeah, all right.

355
00:20:30,805 --> 00:20:32,499
Gladys, the Judges Interview.

356
00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:43,246
So you've judged a lot
of pageants over the years?

357
00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:45,651
No. No. No way. No.

358
00:20:45,686 --> 00:20:47,655
Never judged a pageant
before in my life.

359
00:20:49,658 --> 00:20:51,181
No way.

360
00:20:51,225 --> 00:20:53,217
Never been around young girls.

361
00:20:57,598 --> 00:21:00,329
I mean, even if I was...

362
00:21:00,367 --> 00:21:02,495
I mean, why would I want
to be, you know?

363
00:21:02,536 --> 00:21:04,265
I don't get off
on that kind of thing.

364
00:21:04,338 --> 00:21:06,034
That's really
why you're asking, right?

365
00:21:09,443 --> 00:21:10,877
Someone say something?

366
00:21:19,688 --> 00:21:20,949
Do you judge the pageant
every year?

367
00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:23,321
No. I've never judged
nothin' before.

368
00:21:23,357 --> 00:21:26,190
Harold, are we on "Cops"?

369
00:21:26,227 --> 00:21:27,386
Are we on "Cops," Harold?

370
00:21:27,429 --> 00:21:28,759
Shut up, Hank.
This here's business.

371
00:21:31,565 --> 00:21:33,692
Harold,
Mom said not in the head!

372
00:21:33,734 --> 00:21:36,260
Well, Mom's dead,
so shut your flytrap.

373
00:21:36,303 --> 00:21:38,829
I will if you shut your piehole.

374
00:21:48,717 --> 00:21:50,184
Don't make me...

375
00:21:50,217 --> 00:21:51,411
Don't make me kick you
where the good Lord...

376
00:21:51,453 --> 00:21:53,478
Don't make me
split you where you...

377
00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:55,215
Come on!
You want some of this!

378
00:21:57,459 --> 00:21:58,686
So, are you excited?

379
00:21:58,727 --> 00:22:00,160
Oh, you bet.

380
00:22:00,195 --> 00:22:02,685
We're happier than the day
Hankie got acquitted.

381
00:22:02,731 --> 00:22:05,528
I get made a judge, then
the furniture store hires us...

382
00:22:05,566 --> 00:22:07,660
to paint the whole damn thing.

383
00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:09,669
We're going to use the money...

384
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:11,694
to get our mom
a proper headstone...

385
00:22:11,740 --> 00:22:15,072
and to move her out
to the cemetery.

386
00:22:19,114 --> 00:22:21,309
Listen, guys,
if you see anything you like...

387
00:22:21,348 --> 00:22:24,340
you just let me know because
I happen to know the owner.

388
00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:26,546
So, here we are.

389
00:22:26,587 --> 00:22:28,885
My place of business,
my little house of worship...

390
00:22:28,923 --> 00:22:31,687
the world's largest
Conestoga wagon.

391
00:22:31,725 --> 00:22:33,556
Right here, we have
a very attractive unit.

392
00:22:34,562 --> 00:22:36,426
Farmers like that one.

393
00:22:36,464 --> 00:22:39,160
OK, showtime.

394
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:42,100
Hey, Tim, Carla, listen...

395
00:22:42,137 --> 00:22:44,628
you two don't Jew me down
too much on that dinette...

396
00:22:44,705 --> 00:22:47,071
I'll throw in a hutch
for free, OK?

397
00:22:47,108 --> 00:22:49,098
See, that's my specialty.

398
00:22:49,176 --> 00:22:52,907
You don't pay less,
I give you more.

399
00:22:52,947 --> 00:22:56,713
The secret is... the hutch
is included in the price.

400
00:22:56,751 --> 00:22:59,413
Ain't that right, Jean?

401
00:22:59,453 --> 00:23:01,751
Take a memo, sweetheart.

402
00:23:15,035 --> 00:23:17,334
Five, six, seven... and one...

403
00:23:17,371 --> 00:23:19,566
Get that tempo right.
Kick it!

404
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:20,766
Come on, kick it!

405
00:23:28,083 --> 00:23:30,846
Just watching the young girls.

406
00:23:30,885 --> 00:23:33,183
Contestants. You know...

407
00:23:33,220 --> 00:23:35,711
like the rest of my friends
and neighbors.

408
00:23:40,661 --> 00:23:42,128
Are you getting her?

409
00:23:42,163 --> 00:23:43,686
The third one, the blond one.

410
00:23:43,732 --> 00:23:45,461
Leave him alone. It's OK.

411
00:23:51,539 --> 00:23:55,600
It's just a camera I keep
in the glove compartment...

412
00:23:55,676 --> 00:23:59,841
for... car accidents.
Insurance.

413
00:24:02,783 --> 00:24:04,752
I mean, you guys got a camera...

414
00:24:04,785 --> 00:24:06,879
and no one's accusing you
of anything, right?

415
00:24:24,839 --> 00:24:27,807
So, Brett, you want to go
to the lake with me on Thursday?

416
00:24:27,842 --> 00:24:31,470
Actually,
I got practice on Thursday.

417
00:24:31,545 --> 00:24:33,035
Well, maybe Friday then.

418
00:24:33,114 --> 00:24:35,547
A bunch of us
were going cow tipping.

419
00:24:35,583 --> 00:24:38,245
Well...

420
00:24:38,285 --> 00:24:40,253
I'm kind of busy on Friday.

421
00:24:53,634 --> 00:24:55,033
Give her your tray, Brett.

422
00:24:55,069 --> 00:24:57,333
You're holding up the line.

423
00:24:59,174 --> 00:25:00,834
Give it to her.

424
00:25:00,908 --> 00:25:02,809
Here, I'll take it.
It's my job.

425
00:25:02,843 --> 00:25:05,074
No. It's all right.
Don't worry about it.

426
00:25:05,112 --> 00:25:07,876
Well, you're supposed
to put it in the...

427
00:25:12,420 --> 00:25:14,614
Aw, man.

428
00:25:14,655 --> 00:25:17,852
You got some lutefisk
in your hair.

429
00:25:17,892 --> 00:25:19,655
Then it must be Wednesday.

430
00:25:21,595 --> 00:25:25,964
Lutefisk is codfish
that's been salted...

431
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,695
and soaked in lye
for a week or so.

432
00:25:31,206 --> 00:25:33,572
It's best with lots of butter.

433
00:25:33,607 --> 00:25:37,476
I'm not really busy on Friday.

434
00:25:37,511 --> 00:25:39,979
I was just saying that,
you know?

435
00:25:40,047 --> 00:25:41,173
I know.

436
00:25:41,215 --> 00:25:42,774
Well...

437
00:25:42,817 --> 00:25:45,341
if you wanted to do something...

438
00:25:45,386 --> 00:25:48,514
Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. You bet.

439
00:25:48,556 --> 00:25:50,023
Oh, crap.

440
00:25:50,057 --> 00:25:52,049
I probably gotta work
at the funeral home.

441
00:25:52,093 --> 00:25:54,083
We're real busy
this time of year.

442
00:25:54,128 --> 00:25:56,562
Hunting season.

443
00:25:56,597 --> 00:25:59,328
Well, I'm cutting out of here
early today...

444
00:25:59,366 --> 00:26:01,062
and doing
a little duck hunting...

445
00:26:01,102 --> 00:26:02,898
but maybe I could
call you tonight?

446
00:26:02,937 --> 00:26:04,096
Yeah, sure.

447
00:26:05,372 --> 00:26:06,533
- All right.
- Fine.

448
00:26:21,789 --> 00:26:23,380
Oh, God.

449
00:26:23,424 --> 00:26:26,154
You don't think Becky
saw you guys, do you?

450
00:26:26,193 --> 00:26:28,024
Look, you shouldn't be in here.

451
00:26:28,062 --> 00:26:29,427
Doreen gave us hair nets.

452
00:26:29,463 --> 00:26:32,193
No, listen.
We shouldn't talk here.

453
00:26:32,233 --> 00:26:35,326
Stop by my house tonight, OK?

454
00:26:36,871 --> 00:26:38,030
Go.

455
00:26:52,620 --> 00:26:54,178
They take out her butt?

456
00:26:54,221 --> 00:26:56,781
Oh, Jesus H. Christ.

457
00:26:56,824 --> 00:26:58,451
Oh, are we on "Cops" again?

458
00:26:58,492 --> 00:27:00,255
OK, be quiet.

459
00:27:01,328 --> 00:27:03,627
It's just the guys
that are, you know...

460
00:27:03,664 --> 00:27:05,565
making the movie
about the pageant.

461
00:27:05,599 --> 00:27:07,659
I told you all about 'em.
This here's Loretta.

462
00:27:07,701 --> 00:27:10,261
I tell Annette, you talk to me
during my stories...

463
00:27:10,304 --> 00:27:12,363
you might as well
be talking to the wall.

464
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:13,872
You guys want a beer?

465
00:27:13,908 --> 00:27:15,966
No, thank you. Is Amber here?

466
00:27:16,043 --> 00:27:17,408
Oh, no. You just missed her.

467
00:27:17,445 --> 00:27:19,845
She got called down
to the bone gardens.

468
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:21,711
She's in a hell of a mood today.

469
00:27:21,749 --> 00:27:23,545
Say, you boys been
to the Leemans'?

470
00:27:23,583 --> 00:27:24,811
Shut it, Loretta.

471
00:27:24,852 --> 00:27:27,286
If so, you got all the pictures
of the winner you need.

472
00:27:27,321 --> 00:27:28,447
- Shut it.
- It's true.

473
00:27:32,460 --> 00:27:35,792
Let's just say who should win,
who deserves to win is Amber.

474
00:27:35,830 --> 00:27:39,265
Why don't you just paint
a target on your ass?

475
00:27:39,300 --> 00:27:41,164
Best damn tapper,
the most smartest.

476
00:27:41,202 --> 00:27:42,328
Most smartest?

477
00:27:42,369 --> 00:27:44,838
Oh, that's great.
You're real educated.

478
00:27:44,905 --> 00:27:47,203
"Most smartest. "
Get a picture of that.

479
00:27:47,274 --> 00:27:48,674
Most smartest.

480
00:27:48,709 --> 00:27:50,041
I'm cutting you off
and sending you home.

481
00:27:50,077 --> 00:27:53,274
Excuse me, but I'm bragging up
your kid here.

482
00:27:53,314 --> 00:27:54,644
I know. Come on, let's go.

483
00:27:54,682 --> 00:27:56,478
Amber's gonna be the next
Diane Sawyer, you know.

484
00:27:56,517 --> 00:27:57,882
They're making a movie here.

485
00:27:57,918 --> 00:27:59,818
All right,
they're making a movie.

486
00:27:59,854 --> 00:28:02,084
What makes you think
that Becky's going to win?

487
00:28:02,123 --> 00:28:03,316
Why do I think Becky'll win?

488
00:28:03,357 --> 00:28:04,949
You're talking... Don't pinch.

489
00:28:04,992 --> 00:28:07,392
You're talking about the richest
family in a small town.

490
00:28:07,428 --> 00:28:10,055
It's front-page news
when one of 'em takes a shit.

491
00:28:10,097 --> 00:28:11,291
Oh, great.

492
00:28:13,234 --> 00:28:14,895
Can one of you boys
give me a ride home?

493
00:28:14,935 --> 00:28:16,164
Don't fall for it.

494
00:28:16,203 --> 00:28:17,670
She lives two trailers down.

495
00:28:17,738 --> 00:28:18,932
So? Be real easy.

496
00:28:19,006 --> 00:28:20,440
Go on home, Loretta.

497
00:28:20,474 --> 00:28:22,636
Go on. The party's over.

498
00:28:32,553 --> 00:28:33,918
Oh, my God!

499
00:28:33,954 --> 00:28:36,890
Jesus Christ on a cross!

500
00:28:36,923 --> 00:28:39,790
Look, number one rule
in a funeral home...

501
00:28:39,827 --> 00:28:42,056
Never sneak up on the living.

502
00:28:42,096 --> 00:28:43,722
You never know who could
have an embalming needle...

503
00:28:43,764 --> 00:28:45,664
or a skull saw in their hand.

504
00:28:45,699 --> 00:28:48,065
Mr. Larson's son
learned the hard way.

505
00:28:48,102 --> 00:28:50,229
He's buried next to my grandpa.

506
00:28:56,610 --> 00:28:58,168
Are you upset about Brett?

507
00:28:58,245 --> 00:29:00,111
Upset about Brett?

508
00:29:00,147 --> 00:29:03,446
Nah. Hazard of the trade.

509
00:29:04,552 --> 00:29:08,386
I don't really have time
for guys anyways.

510
00:29:08,422 --> 00:29:09,685
It's weird, though.

511
00:29:09,723 --> 00:29:12,557
He took it
right between the eyes.

512
00:29:13,861 --> 00:29:15,419
Don't often see that.

513
00:29:17,498 --> 00:29:20,261
So, you know,
Brett just got shot in the head.

514
00:29:20,301 --> 00:29:21,528
He did?

515
00:29:21,569 --> 00:29:23,468
Well, hunting's dangerous.

516
00:29:24,638 --> 00:29:27,198
So, anyways, my mom gave me
this thirty-aught...

517
00:29:27,274 --> 00:29:28,764
for my sixteenth birthday.

518
00:29:33,380 --> 00:29:35,473
I need Stella now.

519
00:29:35,516 --> 00:29:37,506
The family's steaming
like a cow pie in July.

520
00:29:37,551 --> 00:29:40,019
Said she doesn't look nothin'
like the picture they gave you.

521
00:29:40,054 --> 00:29:42,112
Sorry. I just thought she might
not want to meet her maker...

522
00:29:42,156 --> 00:29:43,747
looking like a cheap whore.

523
00:29:43,791 --> 00:29:46,725
Well, this cheap whore
is that family's loving mother.

524
00:29:46,761 --> 00:29:49,286
The Clemens
said to make him look...

525
00:29:49,330 --> 00:29:51,093
like he just came in
from snowmobiling.

526
00:29:51,132 --> 00:29:52,564
Pink cheeks and...

527
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:54,966
Red nose and ears.
I know, I know.

528
00:30:10,151 --> 00:30:14,349
Sorry I couldn't talk to you
before in the cafeteria.

529
00:30:14,387 --> 00:30:16,150
I was scared, OK?

530
00:30:16,190 --> 00:30:19,784
I open my locker today
after first period...

531
00:30:19,827 --> 00:30:24,287
and there's a picture
of Tammy Curry taped inside.

532
00:30:24,331 --> 00:30:26,391
This was written on the back:

533
00:30:28,502 --> 00:30:31,495
Oh, yeah,
hell of a way to go, there.

534
00:30:31,572 --> 00:30:34,267
After some thorough
investigating...

535
00:30:34,341 --> 00:30:37,777
we determined
that the Curry girl...

536
00:30:37,845 --> 00:30:40,507
must have been smoking
and driving.

537
00:30:40,548 --> 00:30:43,345
Well, yeah, Tammy liked
to drive her dad's thresher...

538
00:30:43,384 --> 00:30:45,477
but, I mean...

539
00:30:45,519 --> 00:30:47,714
She said the heavy vibration
helped her think.

540
00:30:47,755 --> 00:30:51,281
But I know for a fact Tammy
only smoked after a good drive.

541
00:30:51,324 --> 00:30:54,954
You ask me or anyone else who
isn't scared to talk about it...

542
00:30:54,995 --> 00:30:56,963
Tammy was murdered.

543
00:30:58,899 --> 00:31:01,835
I bet Diane Sawyer never had
to deal with crap like this.

544
00:31:02,870 --> 00:31:05,030
If it's another stray bullet
to the head...

545
00:31:05,106 --> 00:31:06,403
I'm gonna need more caps.

546
00:31:06,474 --> 00:31:07,702
You have to go home.

547
00:31:07,775 --> 00:31:09,800
There's some kind of emergency
at the trailer park.

548
00:31:09,877 --> 00:31:11,036
Relax. That's my ma's code...

549
00:31:11,112 --> 00:31:12,579
for bring home milk
and a carton of Lucky...

550
00:31:12,646 --> 00:31:15,843
No. Loretta called.
There's been a fire.

551
00:31:20,253 --> 00:31:21,777
Oh, my God.

552
00:31:42,309 --> 00:31:44,573
Hey, hey, hey! Family?

553
00:31:44,612 --> 00:31:47,580
No, she's just screaming "Mom"
because she's got Turret's.

554
00:31:47,647 --> 00:31:48,979
She's Annette's kid, dipshit.

555
00:31:49,015 --> 00:31:51,917
She's alive, sweetie.
She's right over there.

556
00:31:57,358 --> 00:31:59,416
I'll be right behind you
in the hearse, OK?

557
00:31:59,460 --> 00:32:01,553
Don't let that worry you,
Annette!

558
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:17,577
So, Doctor, is this sort
of an unusual injury?

559
00:32:17,611 --> 00:32:19,977
This was a doozie.

560
00:32:20,014 --> 00:32:23,414
Right now our chief concern
is to stabilize Annette here...

561
00:32:23,451 --> 00:32:26,113
and then in surgery...

562
00:32:26,152 --> 00:32:27,619
remove this.

563
00:32:27,655 --> 00:32:30,179
Oh, God.

564
00:32:30,224 --> 00:32:31,884
Oh, Mom, it's so ugly.

565
00:32:31,926 --> 00:32:34,826
Ruined a brand-new pair
of Lee Press-Ons.

566
00:32:34,862 --> 00:32:38,991
Well, I sat down to have a beer,
and kablooey.

567
00:32:39,033 --> 00:32:40,500
Next thing I know...

568
00:32:40,533 --> 00:32:42,968
something blows
through my kitchen window...

569
00:32:43,003 --> 00:32:46,803
and I'm ass-up
in somebody's flower bed.

570
00:32:46,874 --> 00:32:49,933
Hey, ass-wipe, quit dicking
around with the camera.

571
00:32:50,010 --> 00:32:51,308
Just put another book under it.

572
00:32:51,344 --> 00:32:52,539
Dude, don't say "ass-wipe. "

573
00:32:52,580 --> 00:32:56,015
Mom's got the window open.
We gotta hurry up, though...

574
00:32:56,082 --> 00:32:58,209
because we only got three
frickin' minutes on the battery.

575
00:32:58,251 --> 00:32:59,514
All right, ready.

576
00:32:59,552 --> 00:33:00,713
One, two...

577
00:33:00,755 --> 00:33:01,881
One, two, three!

578
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:07,285
Shit!

579
00:33:07,328 --> 00:33:08,625
Let's get out of here!

580
00:33:12,999 --> 00:33:15,229
I shoved your tap shoes
in my panties...

581
00:33:15,268 --> 00:33:17,430
before I was blown
out of the house.

582
00:33:17,470 --> 00:33:19,803
You go find the guy
who cut 'em off.

583
00:33:19,874 --> 00:33:20,965
He'll give 'em to you...

584
00:33:21,041 --> 00:33:24,443
so you can practice
for the pageant.

585
00:33:27,181 --> 00:33:28,477
About that...

586
00:33:31,552 --> 00:33:33,645
I... Oh, my God!

587
00:33:36,122 --> 00:33:39,388
Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

588
00:33:39,427 --> 00:33:41,690
She's pregnant!

589
00:33:41,729 --> 00:33:43,593
Oh, Amber, wait!

590
00:33:43,631 --> 00:33:46,122
Come back here.
Mommy wants to talk to you.

591
00:33:46,167 --> 00:33:47,861
And then kill you!

592
00:33:47,902 --> 00:33:50,029
Why don't you see
if there's any more beer...

593
00:33:50,070 --> 00:33:51,970
left in that can
and relax a bit?

594
00:33:53,973 --> 00:33:56,703
- I'm quitting the pageant.
- You're what?

595
00:33:56,776 --> 00:33:58,368
I'm quitting the pageant.

596
00:33:58,446 --> 00:34:02,280
I was just trying to scare you
into changing your mind.

597
00:34:02,315 --> 00:34:04,216
Christ, the woman clung
to your tap shoes...

598
00:34:04,250 --> 00:34:06,741
while flying through the air
like a goddamn lawn dart.

599
00:34:06,786 --> 00:34:08,014
I know, I know.

600
00:34:08,054 --> 00:34:11,182
Hey, Little Miss Sad Pants
and her friend Serious Sally.

601
00:34:11,225 --> 00:34:12,885
How about
some nice cool mints...

602
00:34:12,927 --> 00:34:15,451
to turn those frowns
upside down?

603
00:34:16,864 --> 00:34:18,832
Do you think a nice cool mint
would help...

604
00:34:18,866 --> 00:34:21,459
if I shoved your head
up your ass?

605
00:34:24,537 --> 00:34:25,902
So what do I say?

606
00:34:25,972 --> 00:34:27,873
Simple, just say...

607
00:34:31,378 --> 00:34:33,346
I know you sacrificed
everything...

608
00:34:33,380 --> 00:34:35,508
relationships, dreams...

609
00:34:35,548 --> 00:34:37,015
your tummy, ass, and thighs...

610
00:34:37,051 --> 00:34:38,518
all to bring me
into this world...

611
00:34:38,551 --> 00:34:41,452
all so I could have tap lessons
and be in the pageant...

612
00:34:41,489 --> 00:34:44,013
the same one you were in,
but you know what?

613
00:34:44,058 --> 00:34:45,252
I'm quitting.

614
00:34:45,291 --> 00:34:47,817
There. Easy as pie.

615
00:34:47,862 --> 00:34:49,921
Oh, my God. I am so dead.

616
00:34:49,964 --> 00:34:50,988
Yeah, you betcha.

617
00:34:51,998 --> 00:34:53,330
Go on, get out!

618
00:34:53,366 --> 00:34:56,597
Next one in here without a pack
of Luckys in her hand dies!

619
00:34:56,636 --> 00:34:59,833
Yeah, sure.
You have a super day, too.

620
00:34:59,907 --> 00:35:01,498
Get out!

621
00:35:02,642 --> 00:35:05,042
Mom, look. Don't talk.

622
00:35:05,079 --> 00:35:08,707
First of all,
I'm not pregnant, OK?

623
00:35:08,748 --> 00:35:11,945
I am not letting go
until you tell me what's up.

624
00:35:11,986 --> 00:35:15,785
Amber, I am reaching a point
where I would kill someone...

625
00:35:15,823 --> 00:35:17,414
for the nicotine
under their fingernails.

626
00:35:17,458 --> 00:35:18,617
You hear me, Loretta?

627
00:35:18,658 --> 00:35:20,956
OK, OK...

628
00:35:20,995 --> 00:35:23,792
yesterday I got this picture...

629
00:35:23,831 --> 00:35:27,267
so I'm thinking about...

630
00:35:27,300 --> 00:35:28,767
you know...

631
00:35:28,803 --> 00:35:30,566
I'm gonna quit the pageant.

632
00:35:30,603 --> 00:35:32,070
What?

633
00:35:32,138 --> 00:35:33,834
Oh, excuse us, guys.

634
00:35:33,908 --> 00:35:36,774
Would you excuse us
for a moment?

635
00:35:36,811 --> 00:35:39,041
Loretta, get out of here!
Go on, get out.

636
00:35:39,078 --> 00:35:40,239
What's your problem?

637
00:35:40,281 --> 00:35:43,272
What's my problem?
Sit your skinny little ass down.

638
00:35:43,316 --> 00:35:44,806
Nice, Ma. Real nice.

639
00:35:44,852 --> 00:35:46,285
Nice mouth you got there...

640
00:35:46,319 --> 00:35:48,253
but I'm not going
through this again.

641
00:35:48,289 --> 00:35:50,518
You? You're not
going through it again?

642
00:35:50,558 --> 00:35:53,526
You're not the one that knows
how Jiffy Pop feels, missy.

643
00:35:53,561 --> 00:35:55,153
Oh, come on, Mom.

644
00:35:55,196 --> 00:35:57,687
First the picture of Tammy, then
Brett Clemmens, and now this?

645
00:35:57,730 --> 00:35:59,198
It's scary.

646
00:35:59,233 --> 00:36:01,359
Scary?
Let me tell you scary.

647
00:36:01,402 --> 00:36:03,427
Look here. Look at me.

648
00:36:03,471 --> 00:36:05,665
You want to look
like you've been rode hard...

649
00:36:05,738 --> 00:36:07,706
and put away wet
when you're my age?

650
00:36:07,775 --> 00:36:08,934
I'm a lifer here.

651
00:36:09,008 --> 00:36:10,373
Best thing
I got to look forward to...

652
00:36:10,411 --> 00:36:12,401
is to end up
in some decent raisin ranch...

653
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:14,948
where they change me
twice a day.

654
00:36:18,486 --> 00:36:20,043
Honest to God, honey.

655
00:36:20,086 --> 00:36:23,181
If I had it to do over...

656
00:36:23,224 --> 00:36:25,522
I'd start walking
out of this town...

657
00:36:25,558 --> 00:36:27,856
the minute I could take
my first step.

658
00:36:27,895 --> 00:36:29,828
You know, practically...

659
00:36:29,864 --> 00:36:33,356
the only thing I wouldn't do
different is have you.

660
00:36:36,136 --> 00:36:39,537
God, I hope that's you
and not your concussion talking.

661
00:36:39,607 --> 00:36:40,801
It's me.

662
00:36:40,875 --> 00:36:45,607
I just don't want this to be
the thing that you do over.

663
00:36:45,645 --> 00:36:49,013
Now, this pageant's
your ticket out of here...

664
00:36:49,048 --> 00:36:51,710
and I know you can win.

665
00:36:51,751 --> 00:36:53,913
Come here.

666
00:36:53,953 --> 00:36:56,046
Oh, I love you much.

667
00:36:56,090 --> 00:36:57,580
I love you much.

668
00:36:57,625 --> 00:36:59,456
And you're gonna win.

669
00:36:59,492 --> 00:37:01,290
She's gonna win.

670
00:37:01,327 --> 00:37:02,488
Isn't she gonna win, Loretta?

671
00:37:02,530 --> 00:37:03,758
You bet.

672
00:37:03,797 --> 00:37:04,820
You'll see.

673
00:37:04,864 --> 00:37:06,991
Hell no, she ain't quitting.

674
00:37:07,033 --> 00:37:08,467
No. Mom said if I did...

675
00:37:08,501 --> 00:37:10,435
she'd look up my dad
and marry him.

676
00:37:10,471 --> 00:37:13,166
So, has your mom
kept your dad's life a secret?

677
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:14,831
No, she never hid the fact...

678
00:37:14,909 --> 00:37:17,469
that my dad
picked his career over us.

679
00:37:17,545 --> 00:37:18,977
What did she used to say?

680
00:37:19,013 --> 00:37:20,639
Once a carny, always a carny.

681
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,205
Mom still cries
when she sees a tilt-a-whirl...

682
00:37:23,249 --> 00:37:25,342
or a fat lady in a tube top.

683
00:37:25,386 --> 00:37:27,353
The Atkins fire.

684
00:37:27,388 --> 00:37:30,221
Foul play? Shit, no.

685
00:37:30,256 --> 00:37:32,156
After some extensive
investigating...

686
00:37:32,192 --> 00:37:35,320
we determined that it must
have been bad wiring.

687
00:37:35,361 --> 00:37:37,158
Bad wiring?

688
00:37:37,197 --> 00:37:39,665
That's the biggest
crock of shit I ever heard.

689
00:37:41,035 --> 00:37:43,868
What, they have a sale
on dull needles at K-Mart?

690
00:37:43,903 --> 00:37:46,394
I just need one more do-over.

691
00:38:04,425 --> 00:38:08,623
Now, we need to remember the
three most important parts...

692
00:38:08,661 --> 00:38:11,562
to give a really good
interview...

693
00:38:11,599 --> 00:38:13,327
Listen up, number one.

694
00:38:13,366 --> 00:38:15,231
Number one.

695
00:38:15,268 --> 00:38:17,736
American Teen Princesses...

696
00:38:17,770 --> 00:38:19,761
do not cross their legs
like streetwalkers.

697
00:38:19,807 --> 00:38:21,900
Excuse me,
"Miss Penthouse '98... "

698
00:38:21,976 --> 00:38:23,568
put your knees together.

699
00:38:23,643 --> 00:38:25,042
I could drive
a boat show in there.

700
00:38:25,079 --> 00:38:26,569
Ankles together.

701
00:38:26,646 --> 00:38:29,342
Hands resting
lightly on your laps.

702
00:38:29,382 --> 00:38:31,715
Good.
Sit up straight. Smile.

703
00:38:31,751 --> 00:38:33,743
All right, number two.

704
00:38:33,786 --> 00:38:36,949
The judges are just
as nervous as you are.

705
00:38:44,198 --> 00:38:45,596
So, are you about ready...

706
00:38:45,633 --> 00:38:48,692
to start the judging,
start the interview there?

707
00:38:52,071 --> 00:38:54,597
I guess I could answer that.

708
00:38:54,674 --> 00:38:56,108
Yeah, we're ready.

709
00:38:56,142 --> 00:38:59,408
So we should probably get
the young girls in here, then.

710
00:38:59,445 --> 00:39:02,437
You know,
to start the interviews.

711
00:39:04,018 --> 00:39:07,282
If you could be any tree
in the woods...

712
00:39:09,155 --> 00:39:10,986
what kind of tree would you be?

713
00:39:13,227 --> 00:39:14,352
Dogwood.

714
00:39:14,395 --> 00:39:15,725
Bonsai.

715
00:39:15,763 --> 00:39:17,093
Green?

716
00:39:17,131 --> 00:39:19,121
I can be any kind
of tree you want.

717
00:39:19,165 --> 00:39:20,861
Just give me a minute
to warm up.

718
00:39:26,874 --> 00:39:30,809
One with strong roots in
a community like Mount Rose...

719
00:39:30,878 --> 00:39:33,937
a solid Christian trunk...

720
00:39:34,013 --> 00:39:37,780
and long leafy branches
to provide shade...

721
00:39:37,817 --> 00:39:40,308
for handicapped kids
on a hot summer day.

722
00:39:40,353 --> 00:39:43,517
You guys know
the retard's pants are open?

723
00:39:44,958 --> 00:39:47,949
I don't want to see that.

724
00:39:49,362 --> 00:39:51,797
Who would you pick to be
the president, dead or alive?

725
00:39:52,832 --> 00:39:54,630
Emperor Hirohito.

726
00:39:54,667 --> 00:39:55,929
Brett Favre.

727
00:40:03,811 --> 00:40:07,645
My mother, 'cause she could
solve world hunger...

728
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,673
with one of her blue-ribbon
rhubarb pies...

729
00:40:10,718 --> 00:40:13,948
create world peace
with one of her prayers...

730
00:40:13,987 --> 00:40:16,511
and still find time
to look beautiful...

731
00:40:16,557 --> 00:40:19,218
for my dad, Lester Leeman.

732
00:40:19,259 --> 00:40:20,749
Do you like to swim?

733
00:40:21,829 --> 00:40:23,854
Yeah, I love to swim.

734
00:40:23,897 --> 00:40:25,864
When I was in New York,
I met Greg Louganis...

735
00:40:25,899 --> 00:40:27,560
at one of my brother's shows.

736
00:40:41,447 --> 00:40:44,042
The tard's pants
are completely off.

737
00:40:48,021 --> 00:40:49,215
Close up shop.

738
00:40:51,724 --> 00:40:54,057
Are you Amber Atkins?

739
00:40:54,093 --> 00:40:56,254
Yes, yes, I am. Hello.

740
00:40:59,399 --> 00:41:01,798
Name and spell
all the United States...

741
00:41:01,835 --> 00:41:03,199
in alphabetical order.

742
00:41:05,338 --> 00:41:07,169
Seriously?

743
00:41:14,148 --> 00:41:16,582
Well...

744
00:41:16,616 --> 00:41:19,711
Alabama.

745
00:41:19,752 --> 00:41:22,517
A- I-a-b-a-m-a.

746
00:41:22,555 --> 00:41:23,955
Alaska.

747
00:41:23,990 --> 00:41:27,984
A- I-a-s-k-a.

748
00:41:30,130 --> 00:41:33,292
Arizona.

749
00:41:33,333 --> 00:41:36,632
A- r-i-z-o-n-a.

750
00:41:36,669 --> 00:41:38,330
West Virginia.

751
00:41:38,404 --> 00:41:42,431
W- e-s-t V-i-r-g-i-n-i-a.

752
00:41:42,509 --> 00:41:44,840
Wisconsin.

753
00:41:44,878 --> 00:41:48,574
W- i-s-c-o-n-s-i-n.

754
00:41:48,615 --> 00:41:49,741
Wyoming.

755
00:41:49,782 --> 00:41:52,751
W- y-o-m-i-n-g.

756
00:41:56,756 --> 00:41:59,418
Well, OK.

757
00:42:03,696 --> 00:42:06,494
With two weeks until
the pageant...

758
00:42:06,533 --> 00:42:14,030
I was practicing my talent,
finishing my costume...

759
00:42:14,107 --> 00:42:17,008
brushing up on current events...

760
00:42:17,043 --> 00:42:23,243
and running eighteen miles a day
on about four hundred calories.

761
00:42:23,283 --> 00:42:25,375
I was ready.

762
00:42:37,564 --> 00:42:39,360
Girls, couple of things.

763
00:42:39,399 --> 00:42:40,889
All right, very important.

764
00:42:40,934 --> 00:42:44,426
Gladys wants us to all go
in show order today.

765
00:42:44,471 --> 00:42:47,531
All right, so very important,
don't forget that.

766
00:42:49,909 --> 00:42:52,504
Oh, yeah, really nervous.

767
00:42:53,546 --> 00:42:55,480
It's been about two months.

768
00:42:56,483 --> 00:42:59,350
I haven't told my boyfriend yet.

769
00:42:59,385 --> 00:43:00,910
How did you know?

770
00:43:00,954 --> 00:43:03,854
I meant nervous
about the pageant.

771
00:43:03,891 --> 00:43:07,349
Oh, nervous about the pageant.

772
00:43:08,428 --> 00:43:10,521
There are eight thousand
sequins...

773
00:43:10,563 --> 00:43:13,498
and fifteen hundred beads
on the skirt alone.

774
00:43:13,533 --> 00:43:16,161
My mom had Mrs. Lopez make it.

775
00:43:16,202 --> 00:43:19,366
She's one of my father's
many Mexican workers.

776
00:43:19,439 --> 00:43:22,896
He lifts them from the poverty
they know in Mexico.

777
00:43:22,976 --> 00:43:25,911
Yeah, all my mom's clothes
melted onto mine.

778
00:43:25,945 --> 00:43:29,712
Forming, like, this big
polyester meteor in our closet.

779
00:43:29,749 --> 00:43:32,411
But in some kind
of weird miracle...

780
00:43:32,452 --> 00:43:33,919
our neighbor boy Kenny Hansen...

781
00:43:33,953 --> 00:43:36,184
found my tap costume
on the roof of their trailer...

782
00:43:36,222 --> 00:43:38,713
while he was setting
coon traps for his dad.

783
00:43:38,758 --> 00:43:39,986
Here's the weird part.

784
00:43:40,026 --> 00:43:42,494
It was still on the hanger.

785
00:43:43,530 --> 00:43:45,724
This is my lucky bolt.

786
00:43:45,765 --> 00:43:48,427
They think that it fell
from a DC-10.

787
00:43:48,468 --> 00:43:52,062
The doctor said I was really
lucky the flat side hit me.

788
00:43:52,138 --> 00:43:54,971
'Cause otherwise it could have
gone right through my head.

789
00:43:55,008 --> 00:43:58,238
I know, I know.
Gives me the willies, too.

790
00:44:00,013 --> 00:44:03,380
Can we switch numbers?

791
00:44:03,416 --> 00:44:09,947
My cousin just had a deaf baby,
and I get to go see it.

792
00:44:09,989 --> 00:44:11,389
I need to go first.

793
00:44:11,424 --> 00:44:14,519
Yeah, sure.
It's my lucky number anyway.

794
00:44:14,561 --> 00:44:17,529
Diane Sawyer has number eight
at her local.

795
00:44:18,531 --> 00:44:20,658
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

796
00:44:22,202 --> 00:44:27,401
I can see what's mine now

797
00:44:28,541 --> 00:44:33,878
Finding out what's true

798
00:44:34,914 --> 00:44:40,648
Since I found you

799
00:44:40,687 --> 00:44:45,351
Looking through the eyes

800
00:44:45,391 --> 00:44:47,690
Of...

801
00:44:47,727 --> 00:44:49,388
I'm gonna be honest.

802
00:44:49,429 --> 00:44:51,556
This is a hard time for me...

803
00:44:51,598 --> 00:44:54,829
because this is the time
in the pageant...

804
00:44:54,868 --> 00:44:57,233
when you realize
that tomorrow night...

805
00:44:57,270 --> 00:45:00,364
all but one of these girls
is gonna walk away a loser.

806
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:01,737
To be

807
00:45:01,808 --> 00:45:02,739
It's just really hard...

808
00:45:02,809 --> 00:45:05,675
for me to know
what that would feel like.

809
00:45:05,712 --> 00:45:07,508
It can't feel good.

810
00:45:09,516 --> 00:45:11,676
Oh, my God, oh, my God.

811
00:45:11,718 --> 00:45:13,208
Don't touch her.

812
00:45:15,355 --> 00:45:17,550
Don't move the body.
Don't touch the body.

813
00:45:17,590 --> 00:45:19,080
She could be paralyzed
from the neck down...

814
00:45:19,125 --> 00:45:20,353
and you wouldn't know it.

815
00:45:20,393 --> 00:45:21,952
Someone call nine-one-one.

816
00:45:21,995 --> 00:45:24,053
Don't say anything...

817
00:45:24,097 --> 00:45:26,724
'cause it might be
a hypnotic suggestion.

818
00:45:27,967 --> 00:45:29,798
Don't you get it?

819
00:45:29,836 --> 00:45:30,961
I was supposed to go first.

820
00:45:31,004 --> 00:45:33,403
I was contestant number one.

821
00:45:33,473 --> 00:45:36,236
That light was meant
for my head.

822
00:45:36,308 --> 00:45:39,278
If Jenelle hadn't
wanted to go first...

823
00:45:40,312 --> 00:45:42,837
I owe my life
to that deaf baby.

824
00:45:45,952 --> 00:45:47,579
Hey, that was your mom.

825
00:45:47,620 --> 00:45:49,612
She wanted you to have this.

826
00:45:52,759 --> 00:45:54,317
Really, Loretta?

827
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:55,554
You bet.

828
00:45:57,997 --> 00:46:00,090
My mom wanted me to have this?

829
00:46:01,935 --> 00:46:02,993
Oh, shut up.

830
00:46:03,036 --> 00:46:05,026
I thought it might help you
get some sleep.

831
00:46:05,071 --> 00:46:07,404
Loretta, never have kids.

832
00:46:09,108 --> 00:46:12,134
Well, God love you
for thinking I still could.

833
00:46:12,212 --> 00:46:14,179
Your ma did want you
to have this, though...

834
00:46:14,247 --> 00:46:15,680
since your other one
got toasted.

835
00:46:15,714 --> 00:46:18,205
It's just like Diane Sawyer's!

836
00:46:19,285 --> 00:46:20,810
Of course, it's not a size ten.

837
00:46:20,854 --> 00:46:22,321
Diane was a little hippy then.

838
00:46:22,354 --> 00:46:23,913
- Not our girl.
- Oh, no.

839
00:46:35,535 --> 00:46:36,968
Pain meds.

840
00:46:37,002 --> 00:46:38,833
Hope this thing ends
before they do.

841
00:46:41,875 --> 00:46:43,603
We have excitement.

842
00:46:43,676 --> 00:46:45,076
Big excitement.

843
00:46:45,111 --> 00:46:46,305
Go, Molly!

844
00:46:46,346 --> 00:46:48,075
Go.

845
00:46:48,114 --> 00:46:50,480
Leslie Miller
kicks Teen Princess ass!

846
00:46:50,517 --> 00:46:52,576
Whoo! Go, Muskies!

847
00:47:09,502 --> 00:47:10,663
Oh, gotta go.

848
00:47:22,515 --> 00:47:25,041
Thank you, thank you.

849
00:47:25,084 --> 00:47:26,552
Oh, my.

850
00:47:26,586 --> 00:47:29,555
Is that for me or my gown?

851
00:47:34,227 --> 00:47:38,094
Welcome to the Mount Rose
American Teen Princess Pageant.

852
00:47:38,131 --> 00:47:40,622
While every contestant...

853
00:47:40,667 --> 00:47:43,294
you'll meet here tonight
is special and unique...

854
00:47:43,335 --> 00:47:46,328
they all have
one thing in common.

855
00:47:46,406 --> 00:47:51,468
They are all proud
to be an American.

856
00:48:31,618 --> 00:48:33,676
I chose Mount Rushmore...

857
00:48:33,720 --> 00:48:35,516
because to live in a country...

858
00:48:35,555 --> 00:48:37,352
where you can take
an ugly old mountain...

859
00:48:37,389 --> 00:48:40,382
and put faces on it,
faces of great Americans...

860
00:48:40,426 --> 00:48:43,418
who did so much to make
our country super great...

861
00:48:43,463 --> 00:48:46,431
well, that makes me,
Rebecca Leeman...

862
00:48:46,466 --> 00:48:48,491
proud to be an American.

863
00:48:48,535 --> 00:48:53,131
I'm Lisa Swenson, and I am proud
to be an American...

864
00:48:53,206 --> 00:48:55,106
because living in a country
where Lady Liberty...

865
00:48:55,140 --> 00:48:58,041
always keeps her flame
burning bright...

866
00:48:59,511 --> 00:49:03,538
She always keeps her flame
burning bright.

867
00:49:03,583 --> 00:49:05,982
It makes me proud
to be an American.

868
00:49:06,019 --> 00:49:07,145
God.

869
00:49:07,187 --> 00:49:09,086
The Washington Monument...

870
00:49:09,122 --> 00:49:11,817
Oh, yeah, baby!

871
00:49:11,858 --> 00:49:12,846
Makes me...

872
00:49:12,891 --> 00:49:16,088
Leslie Miller,
proud to be an American.

873
00:49:17,896 --> 00:49:20,866
Living in a country
where no matter who you are...

874
00:49:20,899 --> 00:49:23,892
or where you come from,
you can grow up...

875
00:49:23,937 --> 00:49:27,667
and become what you've always
dreamed of makes me...

876
00:49:27,740 --> 00:49:30,834
Amber Atkins,
proud to be an American.

877
00:49:30,909 --> 00:49:34,437
Atomic power makes me,
Molly Howard...

878
00:49:34,514 --> 00:49:36,913
proud to be an Asian-American.

879
00:49:36,950 --> 00:49:40,613
My uncle Phil's world's-largest
ball of twine...

880
00:49:40,653 --> 00:49:42,588
in Bundy, Minnesota...

881
00:49:42,622 --> 00:49:45,954
it makes me proud I'm American.

882
00:49:45,991 --> 00:49:49,428
I kind of misunderstood
the assignment.

883
00:49:53,900 --> 00:49:57,267
A couple of notes from
yesterday's dress rehearsal.

884
00:49:57,303 --> 00:49:58,668
Gladys says a couple of youse...

885
00:49:58,705 --> 00:49:59,966
are getting sexy
with your hips...

886
00:50:00,039 --> 00:50:02,201
during the physical
fitness routine.

887
00:50:02,275 --> 00:50:04,742
Oh, my God,
my tap costume's gone.

888
00:50:04,777 --> 00:50:08,179
Amber, we are not putting on
our talent costume.

889
00:50:08,213 --> 00:50:10,511
You need to put on
your physical fitness outfit.

890
00:50:10,550 --> 00:50:12,540
Let's shake a leg, ladies!

891
00:50:12,584 --> 00:50:15,052
It was here
before the opening number.

892
00:50:16,755 --> 00:50:18,314
Wait.

893
00:50:18,358 --> 00:50:20,689
What am I saying?

894
00:50:20,727 --> 00:50:23,560
I should just ask you, Becky.

895
00:50:23,595 --> 00:50:25,324
Where is it?

896
00:50:25,365 --> 00:50:26,559
What?

897
00:50:26,598 --> 00:50:29,089
You heard me. Where is it?

898
00:50:30,436 --> 00:50:33,304
If you're getting at something,
you'd better just say it.

899
00:50:33,373 --> 00:50:35,465
I just did.

900
00:50:35,542 --> 00:50:37,338
Well, then you'd better be
willing to back it up...

901
00:50:37,377 --> 00:50:38,809
because you're talking crazy.

902
00:50:38,845 --> 00:50:41,575
You bring me on some
of that snotty attitude.

903
00:50:41,613 --> 00:50:42,739
Bring it on!

904
00:50:42,781 --> 00:50:44,544
Well, as my mother says
at Sunday dinner...

905
00:50:44,584 --> 00:50:45,676
come and get it!

906
00:50:45,718 --> 00:50:47,118
I'll get it!

907
00:50:47,152 --> 00:50:48,278
I might even take seconds!

908
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:51,084
If you want seconds,
I'll make sure you get them!

909
00:50:51,124 --> 00:50:52,522
Give me your stringy ass!

910
00:50:55,094 --> 00:50:57,062
I think that you guys
should leave.

911
00:50:57,096 --> 00:50:58,860
The girls are changing.
I think you should leave.

912
00:50:58,897 --> 00:51:00,364
All right, let's go.

913
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:02,868
- I hate her!
- We all do. Let's go.

914
00:51:02,901 --> 00:51:04,893
Let's give a big round
of applause...

915
00:51:04,938 --> 00:51:07,429
for last year's
American Teen Princess...

916
00:51:07,507 --> 00:51:09,736
in her farewell performance.

917
00:51:09,808 --> 00:51:11,777
Who could ever forget
her lip-synching...

918
00:51:11,810 --> 00:51:15,371
to "Don't Cry Out Loud"
by Melissa Manchester?

919
00:51:15,415 --> 00:51:17,144
And here she is...

920
00:51:17,182 --> 00:51:18,911
Mary Johanson.

921
00:51:28,093 --> 00:51:33,532
Don't cry out loud

922
00:51:33,565 --> 00:51:36,194
Just keep it inside

923
00:51:36,236 --> 00:51:40,832
And learn how to hide
your feelings

924
00:51:40,907 --> 00:51:46,435
Fly high and proud

925
00:51:46,513 --> 00:51:49,606
And if you should fall

926
00:51:49,648 --> 00:51:52,173
Remember you almost

927
00:51:52,217 --> 00:51:57,087
Had it all

928
00:51:59,758 --> 00:52:01,953
All right, why don't we pick up
the stepladders...

929
00:52:01,995 --> 00:52:03,121
for the physical fitness number?

930
00:52:03,163 --> 00:52:04,289
There we go.

931
00:52:04,329 --> 00:52:05,729
They're wet.

932
00:52:05,764 --> 00:52:06,890
What?

933
00:52:06,933 --> 00:52:08,422
My hands are stuck.

934
00:52:09,469 --> 00:52:11,130
I'm kind of dizzy
from the fumes.

935
00:52:11,171 --> 00:52:12,399
You know what, girls?

936
00:52:12,472 --> 00:52:14,963
Keep them away from you so
they don't get on the outfits.

937
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:16,133
There we go.

938
00:52:16,209 --> 00:52:18,109
Let's form a line.

939
00:52:20,380 --> 00:52:22,074
What kind of a mental retard...

940
00:52:22,115 --> 00:52:24,015
paints stepladders
right before a pageant?

941
00:52:24,049 --> 00:52:25,914
I'm the judge!

942
00:52:27,085 --> 00:52:30,350
Back, you cuddly retard.

943
00:52:30,390 --> 00:52:31,720
Go, Hank!

944
00:52:31,758 --> 00:52:34,226
It's OK.

945
00:52:34,259 --> 00:52:35,385
My dress is fine.

946
00:52:36,528 --> 00:52:39,463
All right, so...

947
00:52:39,499 --> 00:52:41,625
our other judges are...

948
00:52:41,668 --> 00:52:43,226
Jean Kangas...

949
00:52:43,268 --> 00:52:44,668
and John Dough...

950
00:52:44,703 --> 00:52:47,605
Opening number looked good...

951
00:52:47,674 --> 00:52:51,109
solid, but now you're going
to have to actually dance.

952
00:52:51,176 --> 00:52:54,613
So, here, put a dab of this
on the old choppers, ladies.

953
00:52:54,681 --> 00:52:56,375
It'll help you smile...

954
00:52:56,416 --> 00:52:58,406
and when they're looking
at your teeth, God willing...

955
00:52:58,450 --> 00:53:00,316
they won't be looking
at your feet.

956
00:54:21,099 --> 00:54:23,124
Hurry up.

957
00:54:23,168 --> 00:54:24,567
OK, I think we all got some.

958
00:54:24,604 --> 00:54:26,231
Just take it off.

959
00:54:26,306 --> 00:54:28,706
Here, I didn't...

960
00:54:28,740 --> 00:54:31,209
I think it went really well.

961
00:54:31,244 --> 00:54:32,871
Don't go in the bathroom.

962
00:54:32,946 --> 00:54:34,845
Tess blew chunks all over.

963
00:54:34,881 --> 00:54:37,576
She ate a really large dinner.

964
00:54:37,617 --> 00:54:39,846
Maybe she should've
shoved that lucky bolt...

965
00:54:39,886 --> 00:54:41,376
down her throat for dessert.

966
00:54:42,554 --> 00:54:45,580
And the winner
of the spirit award goes to...

967
00:54:45,657 --> 00:54:49,149
I'd like to take you back
seventeen years...

968
00:54:49,194 --> 00:54:52,596
when a peanut farmer
was in the White House...

969
00:54:52,631 --> 00:54:54,896
a group of boys
calling themselves Queen...

970
00:54:54,933 --> 00:54:56,696
topped the record charts...

971
00:54:56,735 --> 00:54:58,727
and Gladys Leeman
was Gladys Wood...

972
00:54:59,872 --> 00:55:03,467
and she was Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.

973
00:55:10,649 --> 00:55:13,084
Thank you very much.

974
00:55:13,118 --> 00:55:17,579
You know, seventeen years ago,
I won the talent contest...

975
00:55:17,624 --> 00:55:18,818
by sewing...

976
00:55:19,826 --> 00:55:21,088
these culottes...

977
00:55:21,126 --> 00:55:23,151
Butterick pattern
seven-four-three-two.

978
00:55:23,196 --> 00:55:25,096
And can you believe it?

979
00:55:25,130 --> 00:55:26,291
They still fit.

980
00:55:26,331 --> 00:55:29,199
She had a big ass then,
she's got a big ass now.

981
00:55:29,234 --> 00:55:31,702
Our next contestant is ready,
so let's welcome her...

982
00:55:31,738 --> 00:55:33,170
Tess Weinhaus.

983
00:55:38,410 --> 00:55:40,140
Yeah, it's just gone.

984
00:55:42,414 --> 00:55:43,540
I mean...

985
00:55:43,583 --> 00:55:46,710
I just wanna tap, you know?

986
00:55:46,753 --> 00:55:51,382
I'm not saying I'm the best
or that I'd even win, but...

987
00:55:51,423 --> 00:55:53,550
shouldn't I at least
get a chance to compete?

988
00:55:53,593 --> 00:55:57,393
The beagle is known
for its howl.

989
00:56:01,401 --> 00:56:04,028
I just wanted my mom
to see me dance.

990
00:56:04,069 --> 00:56:06,800
Amber, Amber, come here.

991
00:56:06,873 --> 00:56:09,501
Please. I got so much Vaseline
on my teeth...

992
00:56:09,575 --> 00:56:11,600
I'm going to be smiling
for a year.

993
00:56:11,678 --> 00:56:13,236
No. Here.

994
00:56:13,312 --> 00:56:14,573
It's nothing special...

995
00:56:14,614 --> 00:56:17,606
but talent like yours doesn't
need to hide behind sequins.

996
00:56:17,649 --> 00:56:19,082
Oh, Miss K.

997
00:56:19,117 --> 00:56:20,449
Oh, look.

998
00:56:20,485 --> 00:56:25,855
But none can compare
to the greatest bark of all...

999
00:56:25,892 --> 00:56:28,156
the German shepherd.

1000
00:56:30,697 --> 00:56:34,258
Aw, hell, go out there
and kick some Leeman ass.

1001
00:56:35,501 --> 00:56:37,764
Not so hard, sweetie.
I heard something snap.

1002
00:56:37,804 --> 00:56:39,668
Roll him over!

1003
00:56:39,738 --> 00:56:40,706
Lay him flat!

1004
00:56:41,740 --> 00:56:43,470
Pin his shoulders!

1005
00:56:43,543 --> 00:56:45,066
To the mat!

1006
00:56:46,111 --> 00:56:47,670
Roll him over! Lay him flat!

1007
00:56:47,746 --> 00:56:49,715
Pin their shoulders
to the mat!

1008
00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:51,339
Go...

1009
00:56:51,383 --> 00:56:52,749
Muskies! Yeah!

1010
00:57:02,861 --> 00:57:03,851
Fade in.

1011
00:57:05,130 --> 00:57:08,464
The year... 2024.

1012
00:57:10,068 --> 00:57:11,797
Planet... Earth.

1013
00:57:13,005 --> 00:57:14,972
The question
on everyone's mind?

1014
00:57:16,275 --> 00:57:17,867
What is...

1015
00:57:17,944 --> 00:57:19,502
Soylent Green?

1016
00:57:24,516 --> 00:57:27,110
Mrs. Clark, why are you
doing this to me?

1017
00:57:27,152 --> 00:57:29,121
Why are you pretending
you don't know what's going on?

1018
00:57:29,154 --> 00:57:31,179
Amber, I'm sorry. I really am.

1019
00:57:31,224 --> 00:57:32,690
But you know the rules.

1020
00:57:32,724 --> 00:57:34,659
All talent costumes
have to be OK'd...

1021
00:57:34,693 --> 00:57:36,059
by Gladys before the pageant.

1022
00:57:36,094 --> 00:57:37,652
But doesn't someone
taking your costume...

1023
00:57:37,696 --> 00:57:40,164
so you can't compete
overrule that rule?

1024
00:57:40,199 --> 00:57:42,258
Amber, I'm sorry.
I don't make up the rules.

1025
00:57:42,301 --> 00:57:43,824
Oh, this...

1026
00:57:43,870 --> 00:57:45,461
this is bullshit!

1027
00:57:45,505 --> 00:57:48,667
Amber Atkins, that is not
American Teen Princess language.

1028
00:57:48,740 --> 00:57:51,709
Good, because this isn't an
American Teen Princess Pageant.

1029
00:57:51,743 --> 00:57:53,735
This is... this is...

1030
00:57:53,812 --> 00:57:55,781
this is Nazi Germany!

1031
00:57:59,551 --> 00:58:01,280
Where do they get this stuff?

1032
00:58:09,428 --> 00:58:11,486
I'm wearing this tap costume.

1033
00:58:11,531 --> 00:58:13,897
I'm going to do
my talent tonight.

1034
00:58:13,932 --> 00:58:15,161
Oh, really?

1035
00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:16,690
I don't think so.

1036
00:58:20,173 --> 00:58:22,437
I hate to be the bearer
of bad news...

1037
00:58:22,508 --> 00:58:25,170
but you know the rules state
that a costume has to be OK'd...

1038
00:58:25,244 --> 00:58:27,234
at least a week in advance.

1039
00:58:27,312 --> 00:58:30,840
I couldn't let you go out there
in that skimpy little thing.

1040
00:58:30,883 --> 00:58:32,440
We've got kids in the audience.

1041
00:58:32,484 --> 00:58:34,509
I hope you understand.

1042
00:58:34,554 --> 00:58:36,112
But you... I mean...

1043
00:58:36,154 --> 00:58:38,714
It's not my fault. Please.

1044
00:58:38,757 --> 00:58:40,851
I didn't do anything wrong.

1045
00:58:40,893 --> 00:58:43,384
I know the truth, that's why.

1046
00:58:43,428 --> 00:58:44,760
I must say...

1047
00:58:44,796 --> 00:58:46,957
Soylent Green...

1048
00:58:46,999 --> 00:58:49,057
is people!

1049
00:58:52,771 --> 00:58:54,672
Now, that's my cue.

1050
00:59:34,813 --> 00:59:37,577
I just wanted to compete.

1051
00:59:39,384 --> 00:59:42,718
I can't believe
this is happening.

1052
00:59:42,754 --> 00:59:45,280
I can't believe she said...

1053
00:59:53,832 --> 00:59:54,958
Here.

1054
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:56,490
Here? What?

1055
00:59:56,535 --> 00:59:58,093
My jacket.

1056
00:59:58,136 --> 01:00:00,537
Take it, because I got
my costume OK'd a month ago...

1057
01:00:00,606 --> 01:00:02,198
before the pageant.
You can wear it.

1058
01:00:02,275 --> 01:00:03,741
Put it on.

1059
01:00:03,809 --> 01:00:04,901
Oh, wow.

1060
01:00:04,977 --> 01:00:06,671
Lisa, I don't think
you should do this.

1061
01:00:06,712 --> 01:00:08,475
They're never going to let you
perform naked. I asked.

1062
01:00:08,514 --> 01:00:10,674
Shut up, you guys.

1063
01:00:10,716 --> 01:00:13,480
Listen, Amber...

1064
01:00:13,519 --> 01:00:16,316
I'm not going to win.

1065
01:00:16,355 --> 01:00:18,915
And let's be honest, the family
only needs one Liza...

1066
01:00:18,957 --> 01:00:21,756
and Peter's got
much better legs than me, OK?

1067
01:00:21,793 --> 01:00:23,158
Your parents will kill you.

1068
01:00:23,195 --> 01:00:25,890
Ah, come on.
I love them...

1069
01:00:25,932 --> 01:00:29,526
but they only had me because
Peter needed that kidney.

1070
01:00:35,207 --> 01:00:36,332
Thank you.

1071
01:00:39,878 --> 01:00:41,004
Now...

1072
01:00:41,046 --> 01:00:42,605
it is with overwhelming pride...

1073
01:00:42,681 --> 01:00:45,242
that I introduce to you
contestant number six...

1074
01:00:45,284 --> 01:00:48,150
who is also the president of her
class two years running...

1075
01:00:48,187 --> 01:00:50,712
an honor roll student,
and the new president...

1076
01:00:50,756 --> 01:00:52,985
of the Lutheran Sisterhood
Gun Club.

1077
01:00:53,025 --> 01:00:54,252
Ladies and gentlemen...

1078
01:00:54,293 --> 01:00:56,591
Rebecca Ann Leeman!

1079
01:01:04,403 --> 01:01:05,926
You know what?

1080
01:01:05,971 --> 01:01:07,461
The rumors are true.

1081
01:01:08,574 --> 01:01:12,031
I do have a special fella
in my life...

1082
01:01:13,145 --> 01:01:15,578
and if nobody minds...

1083
01:01:15,614 --> 01:01:19,345
I'd like to sing a little song
just for him.

1084
01:01:22,287 --> 01:01:26,224
You're just too good

1085
01:01:26,258 --> 01:01:27,417
To be true

1086
01:01:28,660 --> 01:01:31,255
Can't take my eyes

1087
01:01:31,296 --> 01:01:32,355
Off of you

1088
01:01:32,397 --> 01:01:33,524
Bullshit.

1089
01:01:33,565 --> 01:01:36,000
You'd be like heaven

1090
01:01:36,034 --> 01:01:38,059
To touch

1091
01:01:38,103 --> 01:01:39,833
I wanna hold you

1092
01:01:39,905 --> 01:01:41,736
So much

1093
01:01:42,841 --> 01:01:44,399
At long last

1094
01:01:44,476 --> 01:01:47,673
Love has arrived

1095
01:01:47,713 --> 01:01:50,204
And I thank God

1096
01:01:50,282 --> 01:01:51,441
I'm alive

1097
01:01:52,951 --> 01:01:55,317
You're just too good

1098
01:01:55,354 --> 01:01:57,344
To be true

1099
01:01:57,389 --> 01:02:00,086
Can't take my eyes

1100
01:02:00,125 --> 01:02:01,592
Off of you

1101
01:02:02,728 --> 01:02:05,252
I love you, baby

1102
01:02:05,297 --> 01:02:06,957
And if it's quite all right

1103
01:02:06,999 --> 01:02:09,057
I need you, baby

1104
01:02:09,101 --> 01:02:11,296
To warm the lonely night

1105
01:02:11,336 --> 01:02:13,964
I love you, baby

1106
01:02:14,039 --> 01:02:16,064
Trust in me when I say

1107
01:02:16,141 --> 01:02:18,667
Lisa, come on, you're next.

1108
01:02:18,744 --> 01:02:20,302
Nah, I quit.

1109
01:02:20,379 --> 01:02:23,074
And since my costume was OK'd
a month ago...

1110
01:02:23,115 --> 01:02:24,274
I'm giving it to Amber.

1111
01:02:27,953 --> 01:02:30,444
Let me love you, baby

1112
01:02:30,489 --> 01:02:33,423
Let me love you

1113
01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:51,074
Oh, boy,
I'd hate to follow that act.

1114
01:02:51,109 --> 01:02:53,806
The voice of an angel, that one.

1115
01:02:59,585 --> 01:03:02,747
I have just been notified
that contestant number seven...

1116
01:03:02,788 --> 01:03:05,756
Lisa Swenson has dropped out
of the pageant.

1117
01:03:08,260 --> 01:03:10,455
I know,
but these things happen...

1118
01:03:10,495 --> 01:03:13,931
and we still have one more
contestant... number eight.

1119
01:03:13,966 --> 01:03:15,194
Amber Atkins.

1120
01:04:50,028 --> 01:04:51,997
Thank you.

1121
01:05:05,878 --> 01:05:06,844
Well...

1122
01:05:08,280 --> 01:05:10,248
The time has finally come...

1123
01:05:11,917 --> 01:05:15,079
where we say good-bye
to the judges...

1124
01:05:15,119 --> 01:05:19,146
so that they can go off and make
the toughest decision...

1125
01:05:19,191 --> 01:05:20,385
of their lives.

1126
01:05:26,632 --> 01:05:28,031
So, who gets the crown?

1127
01:05:28,066 --> 01:05:29,260
How are you going
to figure this all out?

1128
01:05:29,301 --> 01:05:31,861
Well, you know, we'll...

1129
01:05:31,904 --> 01:05:34,531
compare scores
and figure out a winner...

1130
01:05:34,606 --> 01:05:37,007
because, I mean, we don't know
who the winner is yet.

1131
01:05:37,041 --> 01:05:40,011
I mean, I have no idea
who Jean picked...

1132
01:05:40,044 --> 01:05:41,603
or Harold.

1133
01:05:41,679 --> 01:05:43,146
- No.
- No idea.

1134
01:05:44,950 --> 01:05:47,384
I know who the winner is.

1135
01:05:47,418 --> 01:05:49,181
I know who the winner...
Harold.

1136
01:05:49,221 --> 01:05:50,950
I know who the winner is.

1137
01:05:50,989 --> 01:05:52,389
That's it.

1138
01:05:52,423 --> 01:05:56,417
You shut your goddamn mouth,
you goddamn retard!

1139
01:05:56,461 --> 01:05:59,453
I've had your shit
for two weeks now!

1140
01:05:59,498 --> 01:06:00,522
Come on.

1141
01:06:02,166 --> 01:06:04,532
Back off, college boy!
Now listen!

1142
01:06:06,238 --> 01:06:09,206
Hank can't help it if he's born
crazier than a shit-house rat!

1143
01:06:09,241 --> 01:06:12,972
For fuck's sake, why didn't you
leave him with a sitter?

1144
01:06:17,883 --> 01:06:19,179
Nice, John.

1145
01:06:19,218 --> 01:06:20,446
That's real nice.

1146
01:06:20,485 --> 01:06:23,319
You know the baby-sitter's dead.

1147
01:06:28,060 --> 01:06:29,492
So...

1148
01:06:29,528 --> 01:06:31,461
Anyone talk to Jenelle lately?

1149
01:06:31,496 --> 01:06:34,193
Oh, yeah. I brought her
some flowers this morning.

1150
01:06:34,233 --> 01:06:36,633
Yeah. She's in the room
next to my mom.

1151
01:06:36,668 --> 01:06:38,795
Oh, she's super happy.

1152
01:06:38,836 --> 01:06:40,064
She's happy?

1153
01:06:40,138 --> 01:06:42,369
Oh, the blow to her head
made her deaf.

1154
01:06:42,441 --> 01:06:43,600
Oh, God.

1155
01:06:43,675 --> 01:06:45,700
- Isn't that great?
- Oh, that's great.

1156
01:06:45,777 --> 01:06:47,643
She's so happy.

1157
01:06:49,213 --> 01:06:51,044
Jesus Christ!

1158
01:06:51,083 --> 01:06:54,018
What are they doing, letting
the retard count the votes?

1159
01:06:55,019 --> 01:06:56,850
Ladies, it's time.

1160
01:07:16,208 --> 01:07:18,607
Welcome back, everybody...

1161
01:07:18,644 --> 01:07:19,735
and judges.

1162
01:07:19,811 --> 01:07:21,836
Oh, gosh.

1163
01:07:21,914 --> 01:07:24,780
We are so darn close
to that moment...

1164
01:07:24,816 --> 01:07:27,411
we have all been waiting for.

1165
01:07:27,452 --> 01:07:30,285
And now, our second runner-up...

1166
01:07:30,322 --> 01:07:32,619
and winner
of a fifty-dollar scholarship...

1167
01:07:32,658 --> 01:07:36,025
for the vo-tech
of her choice is...

1168
01:07:38,429 --> 01:07:39,590
Leslie Miller.

1169
01:07:44,736 --> 01:07:46,294
You rule, Leslie!

1170
01:07:59,350 --> 01:08:01,181
Envelope, please.

1171
01:08:04,623 --> 01:08:07,682
Our next prize, a seventy-five-
dollar scholarship...

1172
01:08:07,725 --> 01:08:10,751
will be awarded
to the first runner-up.

1173
01:08:10,796 --> 01:08:12,889
The first runner-up is...

1174
01:08:17,236 --> 01:08:19,032
Amber Atkins.

1175
01:08:45,464 --> 01:08:49,058
And now, finally the moment...

1176
01:08:49,101 --> 01:08:51,091
that I know
I've been waiting for.

1177
01:08:51,135 --> 01:08:53,468
With a scholarship
of five hundred dollars...

1178
01:08:53,539 --> 01:08:56,974
courtesy Leeman Furniture,
and an all-expense-paid trip...

1179
01:08:57,009 --> 01:09:00,206
next weekend, when she will be
competing for the title...

1180
01:09:00,244 --> 01:09:01,644
of Sarah Rose Cosmetics...

1181
01:09:01,679 --> 01:09:04,614
Minnesota
American Teen Princess...

1182
01:09:11,088 --> 01:09:12,715
Our new...

1183
01:09:12,758 --> 01:09:16,421
Mount Rose
American Teen Princess is...

1184
01:09:17,963 --> 01:09:19,692
contestant number...

1185
01:09:20,698 --> 01:09:22,428
You know what?
It's my daughter...

1186
01:09:22,467 --> 01:09:24,959
Rebecca Ann Leeman!

1187
01:09:38,282 --> 01:09:40,342
Oh, thank you so much.

1188
01:09:42,920 --> 01:09:44,820
Bitch.

1189
01:10:02,940 --> 01:10:05,102
Here she is

1190
01:10:05,177 --> 01:10:06,610
Our Mount Rose

1191
01:10:06,645 --> 01:10:09,112
American Teen Princess

1192
01:10:09,181 --> 01:10:11,274
Look at her

1193
01:10:11,315 --> 01:10:13,477
Doesn't she look fine?

1194
01:10:13,519 --> 01:10:16,783
Our heart swells big

1195
01:10:16,822 --> 01:10:19,221
As we look at her

1196
01:10:19,258 --> 01:10:20,451
Our Mount Rose

1197
01:10:20,491 --> 01:10:25,155
American Teen Princess

1198
01:10:25,197 --> 01:10:26,788
One, two, three.

1199
01:10:27,833 --> 01:10:29,800
- You got her there?
- Yeah, I got her.

1200
01:10:29,835 --> 01:10:32,269
We was robbed. We was robbed.

1201
01:10:32,304 --> 01:10:34,635
It's OK. They're just
giving her a ride back.

1202
01:10:34,705 --> 01:10:37,300
She almost blew out of Loretta's
pickup on the way over.

1203
01:10:37,376 --> 01:10:38,843
Thank God for bungee cords.

1204
01:10:40,112 --> 01:10:42,137
I got second runner-up.

1205
01:10:42,214 --> 01:10:43,579
I got second place.

1206
01:10:43,614 --> 01:10:45,412
- Third.
- Huh?

1207
01:10:45,449 --> 01:10:47,145
- Third.
- Bye.

1208
01:10:53,392 --> 01:10:56,759
Are you disappointed
about not winning?

1209
01:10:56,794 --> 01:10:59,388
Yeah, well, no.

1210
01:10:59,430 --> 01:11:04,629
At least I got to compete,
and my mom got to see me dance.

1211
01:11:04,670 --> 01:11:07,161
I guess number eight
only worked for Diane Sawyer.

1212
01:11:07,239 --> 01:11:08,672
Oh, stop.

1213
01:11:08,706 --> 01:11:09,799
Let's go home.

1214
01:11:09,875 --> 01:11:11,365
I'll let you drive.

1215
01:11:13,344 --> 01:11:14,572
I hope it was worth it.

1216
01:11:14,613 --> 01:11:16,603
No, Dad, it was worth it.

1217
01:11:16,682 --> 01:11:18,012
Amber should've won.

1218
01:11:18,050 --> 01:11:19,209
I tell you one thing...

1219
01:11:19,251 --> 01:11:20,774
Peter never would've pulled
a shenanigan like that.

1220
01:11:20,818 --> 01:11:23,083
Well, you know what, Dad?

1221
01:11:23,120 --> 01:11:25,112
You know what? Peter's gay.

1222
01:11:26,525 --> 01:11:27,684
Gay!

1223
01:11:29,328 --> 01:11:30,487
What?

1224
01:11:32,064 --> 01:11:33,223
So, Becky, how does it feel?

1225
01:11:33,265 --> 01:11:34,755
Oh, well...

1226
01:11:34,800 --> 01:11:37,530
I mean,
it's all happening so fast.

1227
01:11:37,568 --> 01:11:39,662
I'm so excited.

1228
01:11:39,705 --> 01:11:42,435
I mean, I won.

1229
01:11:42,506 --> 01:11:46,273
I'm the winner,
and I'm going to state.

1230
01:11:46,310 --> 01:11:49,507
She's the winner,
and we're going to state.

1231
01:11:49,548 --> 01:11:50,844
What a surprise.

1232
01:11:50,882 --> 01:11:52,610
Gladys Leeman's finally
going to go to state...

1233
01:11:52,651 --> 01:11:54,117
and she'll probably
ride on Becky's ass...

1234
01:11:54,151 --> 01:11:55,778
all the way to nationals, too.

1235
01:11:55,821 --> 01:11:57,811
Wonder how she's going
to fix that one.

1236
01:11:57,855 --> 01:12:00,153
Are you ladies going
to the parade?

1237
01:12:00,192 --> 01:12:03,058
Nah. I think I'm, like,
due or something.

1238
01:12:22,680 --> 01:12:25,844
Beautiful as a whore's ass
today, huh, boys?

1239
01:12:28,286 --> 01:12:30,617
Do you need help
with the cooler?

1240
01:12:51,008 --> 01:12:54,001
See, Gladys had me get that
special-made from Mexico...

1241
01:12:54,078 --> 01:12:55,273
in case Becky won.

1242
01:12:55,313 --> 01:12:57,247
You know, I do a lot
of business down there...

1243
01:12:57,281 --> 01:12:59,273
always offer
to pay them off in tacos.

1244
01:13:00,651 --> 01:13:02,209
Oh, they love that.

1245
01:13:02,254 --> 01:13:03,550
Keep on moving through.

1246
01:13:06,692 --> 01:13:08,284
Let's get this straight
right now.

1247
01:13:08,326 --> 01:13:09,987
We wouldn't have been
late at all if not for you.

1248
01:13:10,027 --> 01:13:13,088
I want to have the big bag
of little doughnuts.

1249
01:13:13,130 --> 01:13:14,257
You get nothing, Hank.

1250
01:13:14,298 --> 01:13:16,596
I want to eat a big bag
of little doughnuts.

1251
01:13:16,635 --> 01:13:18,660
There's your paint can.

1252
01:13:18,704 --> 01:13:20,227
The next time you drink
window cleaner...

1253
01:13:20,272 --> 01:13:22,501
I'm just going to
leave it in you.

1254
01:13:27,179 --> 01:13:28,544
My pants are...

1255
01:13:44,830 --> 01:13:46,626
You rule!

1256
01:14:01,379 --> 01:14:02,436
Rebecca Ann Leeman.

1257
01:14:02,481 --> 01:14:05,211
You are the one
that wanted this.

1258
01:14:05,249 --> 01:14:06,443
Now get up there.

1259
01:14:06,485 --> 01:14:09,579
I don't care if you have to ride
this thing sidesaddle.

1260
01:14:09,620 --> 01:14:10,746
Get up there.

1261
01:14:10,788 --> 01:14:13,314
It smells funny... like gasoline.

1262
01:14:13,357 --> 01:14:16,019
Everything smells
like that in Mexico.

1263
01:14:16,060 --> 01:14:17,858
My dress will reek, Mother.

1264
01:14:17,895 --> 01:14:19,260
You listen to me now, missy.

1265
01:14:19,297 --> 01:14:20,991
This thing cost your dad
a pretty penny...

1266
01:14:21,032 --> 01:14:22,624
so you get your ass up there.

1267
01:14:22,667 --> 01:14:25,464
And show me some teeth.

1268
01:14:25,504 --> 01:14:27,562
Love you, baby.

1269
01:14:38,250 --> 01:14:40,012
You rule!

1270
01:14:42,220 --> 01:14:43,346
Stop it!

1271
01:14:43,387 --> 01:14:46,049
You are a bad kid!

1272
01:15:03,140 --> 01:15:04,665
You rule!

1273
01:15:08,679 --> 01:15:10,772
If I die from these fumes...

1274
01:15:10,816 --> 01:15:12,806
you'll make sure and cover up
the hickeys on my neck?

1275
01:15:15,319 --> 01:15:18,084
And the bite marks on my ears.

1276
01:15:18,122 --> 01:15:19,612
Yeah, sure.

1277
01:15:19,658 --> 01:15:23,560
And I know it won't show,
but on my inner thighs...

1278
01:15:23,594 --> 01:15:25,028
Yes, Leslie, OK.

1279
01:15:25,062 --> 01:15:26,655
Help!

1280
01:15:37,241 --> 01:15:39,039
OK, I designed the float.

1281
01:15:39,076 --> 01:15:45,640
And what's going to happen here
is that this is going to look...

1282
01:15:45,683 --> 01:15:49,346
like a glistening lake
beneath the swan.

1283
01:15:50,521 --> 01:15:51,886
We need more bars.

1284
01:15:51,923 --> 01:15:53,184
This is... What?

1285
01:15:53,225 --> 01:15:54,419
Enid ate a whole pan.

1286
01:15:54,458 --> 01:15:55,823
She can't do anything
by herself.

1287
01:15:57,295 --> 01:15:59,525
This is exactly
how I pictured it...

1288
01:15:59,564 --> 01:16:01,395
Choking on swan gas.

1289
01:16:03,701 --> 01:16:05,727
Oh, great.

1290
01:16:14,078 --> 01:16:15,545
Oh, my God.

1291
01:16:18,683 --> 01:16:20,913
Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

1292
01:16:20,952 --> 01:16:22,078
Oh, my God.

1293
01:16:22,119 --> 01:16:23,644
Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

1294
01:16:37,935 --> 01:16:40,403
Oh, my baby!

1295
01:16:40,471 --> 01:16:42,234
Oh, my God!

1296
01:16:42,306 --> 01:16:44,968
The swan ate my baby!

1297
01:16:46,410 --> 01:16:50,472
Becky, baby, get up!

1298
01:16:50,514 --> 01:16:52,846
We got to go to state!

1299
01:16:54,785 --> 01:16:57,345
Gladys, let her go.

1300
01:16:57,388 --> 01:16:58,549
No. She's not getting up.

1301
01:16:58,589 --> 01:17:01,183
We got to...
Get off of me, you cow!

1302
01:17:04,528 --> 01:17:07,396
What are you looking at, huh?

1303
01:17:07,431 --> 01:17:10,128
A whole goddamned town
full of losers...

1304
01:17:10,167 --> 01:17:11,760
that's what I'm looking at!

1305
01:17:14,005 --> 01:17:15,131
And you...

1306
01:17:16,741 --> 01:17:18,572
You piece of shit trailer trash!

1307
01:17:18,609 --> 01:17:21,373
That should've been you
in there!

1308
01:17:21,412 --> 01:17:23,710
Damn it, I should've killed you
when I had a chance...

1309
01:17:23,748 --> 01:17:25,773
just like your little friend!

1310
01:17:25,816 --> 01:17:30,311
Tammy was one crispy critter
up on that thresher!

1311
01:17:30,354 --> 01:17:32,983
Ding! Fries are up!

1312
01:17:34,125 --> 01:17:35,592
Stop it! Stop it!

1313
01:17:42,500 --> 01:17:43,626
Take it easy.

1314
01:17:43,668 --> 01:17:45,464
Let go of me!

1315
01:17:45,503 --> 01:17:46,901
Oh, my God, it's "Cops. "

1316
01:17:46,972 --> 01:17:48,461
He sells reproductions!

1317
01:17:48,539 --> 01:17:51,509
His furniture's as fake
as my orgasms.

1318
01:17:51,542 --> 01:17:53,009
Hey, how you doing?

1319
01:17:53,044 --> 01:17:54,511
Hey. What's up, Scott?

1320
01:17:54,545 --> 01:17:56,173
You remember Bruce, right?

1321
01:17:56,214 --> 01:17:58,682
Bruce, that's Roy.
Roy, Bruce.

1322
01:18:00,218 --> 01:18:03,881
And that's why, dear Lord,
it's with such great sorrow...

1323
01:18:03,921 --> 01:18:06,550
we turn over to you
this young woman...

1324
01:18:06,591 --> 01:18:08,889
whose dream of riding
on a giant swan...

1325
01:18:08,926 --> 01:18:11,157
has brought about
her untimely death.

1326
01:18:11,195 --> 01:18:16,725
Maybe it's your way
of telling us to buy American.

1327
01:18:17,768 --> 01:18:19,030
That's right.

1328
01:18:20,805 --> 01:18:22,705
As acting president...

1329
01:18:22,740 --> 01:18:24,936
of the Mount Rose
Civil Servettes...

1330
01:18:25,009 --> 01:18:26,637
it is my duty...

1331
01:18:26,711 --> 01:18:32,308
to make you Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.

1332
01:18:34,485 --> 01:18:36,454
Turn around for the picture.

1333
01:18:36,487 --> 01:18:37,477
You look good.

1334
01:18:41,492 --> 01:18:43,290
What is wrong with you?

1335
01:18:43,327 --> 01:18:44,453
I don't know.

1336
01:18:44,495 --> 01:18:46,054
I didn't wanna win like this.

1337
01:18:46,097 --> 01:18:47,961
You stop right there.

1338
01:18:47,999 --> 01:18:49,466
You are a good person.

1339
01:18:49,500 --> 01:18:51,968
Good things happen
to good people.

1340
01:18:52,003 --> 01:18:53,129
Really?

1341
01:18:53,170 --> 01:18:55,661
No, it's pure bullshit, sweetie.

1342
01:18:55,706 --> 01:18:58,471
You're lucky as hell,
so you might as well enjoy it.

1343
01:18:58,543 --> 01:19:00,169
Let's get you a root-beer float.

1344
01:19:00,244 --> 01:19:02,406
You guys want some shots?
I'm buying.

1345
01:19:03,414 --> 01:19:06,873
I never liked her,
but she didn't deserve...

1346
01:19:06,918 --> 01:19:09,386
to die in the belly
of a swan like that.

1347
01:19:09,420 --> 01:19:14,255
The whole thing's just kinda
sad and lame at the same time.

1348
01:19:15,426 --> 01:19:17,395
This came for you, sweetie.

1349
01:19:17,428 --> 01:19:19,056
Hi, guys.

1350
01:19:19,096 --> 01:19:20,893
It's from the state!

1351
01:19:20,932 --> 01:19:22,422
Yeah. Open it up.

1352
01:19:23,434 --> 01:19:25,902
It's all the stuff I get to do.

1353
01:19:26,938 --> 01:19:28,268
OK, let's see.

1354
01:19:29,507 --> 01:19:32,943
We get a personal consultation
with a makeup artist.

1355
01:19:34,145 --> 01:19:37,113
Oh, there'll be
a choreographer to the stars.

1356
01:19:37,148 --> 01:19:38,615
- Choreographer.
- The stars.

1357
01:19:39,650 --> 01:19:41,117
Oh, my God.

1358
01:19:41,152 --> 01:19:42,948
No way. Oh, my God.

1359
01:19:42,987 --> 01:19:45,454
For Christ's sakes,
spit it out, Amber.

1360
01:19:45,489 --> 01:19:48,458
We'll be staying overnight at...

1361
01:19:48,492 --> 01:19:50,289
the Airport Howard Johnson!

1362
01:19:50,328 --> 01:19:51,795
Right by the airport!

1363
01:19:51,829 --> 01:19:52,955
Oh, Amber!

1364
01:19:52,997 --> 01:19:54,965
God, that's so great!

1365
01:19:56,500 --> 01:19:58,969
Oh, crap. I only got
four weeks to practice.

1366
01:19:59,003 --> 01:20:00,469
Let's go, let's go!
Right now!

1367
01:20:00,504 --> 01:20:01,631
I'm gonna call your mom.

1368
01:20:32,570 --> 01:20:34,697
All right, say, "airport hotel. "

1369
01:20:34,771 --> 01:20:35,739
Airport hotel!

1370
01:20:35,772 --> 01:20:37,741
Coffee and doughnuts.

1371
01:20:41,612 --> 01:20:43,581
Yeah, why don't you
take a picture?

1372
01:20:43,614 --> 01:20:44,582
It lasts longer.

1373
01:20:44,615 --> 01:20:45,674
Loretta, don't do that.

1374
01:20:45,716 --> 01:20:47,081
All right. I'm sorry.
They're just staring.

1375
01:20:47,118 --> 01:20:48,585
I gotta work with these girls.

1376
01:20:48,619 --> 01:20:49,780
OK, I'm sorry.

1377
01:21:16,547 --> 01:21:18,014
And you are...

1378
01:21:18,049 --> 01:21:20,517
Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.

1379
01:21:20,551 --> 01:21:22,543
Funny, you don't look dead.

1380
01:21:26,390 --> 01:21:28,359
- OK, ladies!
- Girls, come on.

1381
01:21:28,392 --> 01:21:31,020
Ladies, listen up.
I'm Colleen Douglas.

1382
01:21:31,062 --> 01:21:34,361
And this raven beauty
on my right is Terry Macy.

1383
01:21:34,398 --> 01:21:35,559
Hi there.

1384
01:21:35,600 --> 01:21:38,194
And we're your Minnesota
American Teen Princess...

1385
01:21:38,236 --> 01:21:39,497
state board.

1386
01:21:39,537 --> 01:21:40,867
That's right.

1387
01:21:40,905 --> 01:21:43,702
We're also the cofounders of
the Minnesota Modeling Academy.

1388
01:21:43,774 --> 01:21:45,571
Yep. And you can get
your applications...

1389
01:21:45,610 --> 01:21:47,077
over here at the tiki bar...

1390
01:21:47,110 --> 01:21:49,079
and we will wave the
fifty-dollar application fee...

1391
01:21:49,112 --> 01:21:51,580
if you list a friend
and put down her address.

1392
01:21:52,950 --> 01:21:54,247
So...

1393
01:21:54,285 --> 01:21:55,444
you're cute.

1394
01:21:56,454 --> 01:21:57,819
Oh, I see you're married.

1395
01:21:57,854 --> 01:22:01,255
If you catch this in your mouth,
I'll give you a present.

1396
01:22:01,292 --> 01:22:03,156
All right? Open wide.

1397
01:22:04,161 --> 01:22:05,958
Oh, God, you got that
on the first try.

1398
01:22:05,997 --> 01:22:07,964
Come here.

1399
01:22:07,999 --> 01:22:09,830
Oh, you are cute.

1400
01:22:09,866 --> 01:22:11,458
OK, due to budgetary
cutbacks...

1401
01:22:11,501 --> 01:22:12,968
And the fact...

1402
01:22:13,004 --> 01:22:14,971
that the national didn't
cough up a goddamn nickel...

1403
01:22:15,039 --> 01:22:16,836
You won't be staying overnight.

1404
01:22:16,908 --> 01:22:18,465
So everybody pay attention.

1405
01:22:18,543 --> 01:22:21,273
You've got about eight hours
till showtime.

1406
01:22:21,312 --> 01:22:23,041
Remember to count, ladies.

1407
01:22:23,080 --> 01:22:26,016
Cross on the left
and arms up on eight.

1408
01:22:26,049 --> 01:22:28,075
On the beat, on the beat,
on the beat!

1409
01:22:28,119 --> 01:22:30,610
Keep on. Keep moving it.

1410
01:22:30,655 --> 01:22:32,122
Come on, Miss Forest Lake...

1411
01:22:32,155 --> 01:22:33,953
take that stick out of your ass
or I will!

1412
01:22:33,991 --> 01:22:35,652
All right. Very nice.

1413
01:22:35,693 --> 01:22:36,887
Now come on.

1414
01:22:36,928 --> 01:22:38,485
Mom's out here in the front row.

1415
01:22:38,528 --> 01:22:39,654
Come on. Sell it!

1416
01:22:39,697 --> 01:22:41,561
That's very nice.

1417
01:22:41,599 --> 01:22:42,895
Remember, figure eights, ladies.

1418
01:22:42,934 --> 01:22:49,362
I can sum up our entire
philosophy with this glass.

1419
01:22:49,439 --> 01:22:51,533
I can look at it and see...

1420
01:22:51,609 --> 01:22:53,200
it's half full.

1421
01:22:53,277 --> 01:22:55,939
Which in the beauty pageant biz
means...

1422
01:22:55,980 --> 01:22:57,571
"Where the hell is my waiter?!"

1423
01:22:57,615 --> 01:22:59,741
- Marco!
- Polo!

1424
01:22:59,784 --> 01:23:02,946
Stop with the friggin' Marco
Polo, or I'll come over there...

1425
01:23:02,987 --> 01:23:04,545
and rip your
fat little heads off!

1426
01:23:13,830 --> 01:23:16,492
Miss Burnsville,
you're up next.

1427
01:23:22,039 --> 01:23:24,507
I have a little
secret weapon of my own.

1428
01:23:25,543 --> 01:23:26,669
Don't tell anyone.

1429
01:23:39,489 --> 01:23:41,458
Oh, I don't eat shellfish.

1430
01:23:41,491 --> 01:23:43,187
Ma always says,
"Don't eat anything...

1431
01:23:43,226 --> 01:23:44,693
"that can carry its house
around with it.

1432
01:23:44,729 --> 01:23:46,719
"Who knows the last time
it's been cleaned?"

1433
01:23:46,763 --> 01:23:48,732
I've done
about thirty-five pageants.

1434
01:23:49,800 --> 01:23:51,529
I guess my most memorable one...

1435
01:23:51,569 --> 01:23:54,037
would have to be
Miss Teen America 1995...

1436
01:23:54,105 --> 01:23:55,572
'cause it was in Vegas.

1437
01:23:56,606 --> 01:23:58,234
And my roommate did Adam West.

1438
01:23:58,309 --> 01:24:01,574
She said he was so horny.

1439
01:24:13,925 --> 01:24:15,153
Oh, my God.

1440
01:24:32,542 --> 01:24:34,942
I should just go home now.

1441
01:24:36,047 --> 01:24:37,514
OK, real good.

1442
01:24:37,547 --> 01:24:39,014
One suggestion, sweetie.

1443
01:24:39,050 --> 01:24:41,677
Why don't you hike up your skirt
a little bit then, OK?

1444
01:24:42,719 --> 01:24:43,880
Next!

1445
01:24:46,057 --> 01:24:48,024
Oh, my God.

1446
01:24:48,059 --> 01:24:49,526
I gotta go!

1447
01:24:49,559 --> 01:24:52,027
You better do something
about those nerves, sweetie.

1448
01:24:52,063 --> 01:24:53,530
Thirty million people
aren't gonna wait for you...

1449
01:24:53,563 --> 01:24:55,030
while you run to the john.

1450
01:24:55,066 --> 01:24:56,533
That's true.

1451
01:24:58,735 --> 01:25:01,102
Will somebody
get a mop and a bucket?

1452
01:25:01,172 --> 01:25:04,266
Today, a beauty pageant
turned ugly.

1453
01:25:07,377 --> 01:25:08,743
Did I win?

1454
01:25:08,779 --> 01:25:10,440
Honey, if I was a good lover...

1455
01:25:10,480 --> 01:25:12,505
Oh, for crap sake.

1456
01:25:12,550 --> 01:25:14,017
A salmonella dysentery
outbreak...

1457
01:25:14,050 --> 01:25:16,712
now traced to improperly
refrigerated shellfish...

1458
01:25:16,753 --> 01:25:19,314
was believed to be the cause.

1459
01:25:25,162 --> 01:25:27,859
Oh, my God.
Do you think they heard us?

1460
01:25:27,899 --> 01:25:31,459
Oh, for Christ's sake!
Call an ambulance!

1461
01:25:31,501 --> 01:25:32,627
An ambulance?

1462
01:25:32,670 --> 01:25:34,467
Call a priest,
for Christ's sake!

1463
01:25:35,872 --> 01:25:37,966
Joining us now
is David Richardson...

1464
01:25:38,041 --> 01:25:41,478
a member of a documentary crew
filming the pageant.

1465
01:25:41,546 --> 01:25:44,173
He was there
when tragedy struck.

1466
01:25:45,383 --> 01:25:48,511
Fuckin' beauty queens
blowin' chunks everywhere.

1467
01:25:48,553 --> 01:25:52,352
I've never seen anything
like it before, and...

1468
01:25:52,390 --> 01:25:53,687
I live in L.A.

1469
01:25:53,723 --> 01:25:55,055
Oh, hey, Ed.

1470
01:25:56,059 --> 01:25:57,526
That's our sound guy.

1471
01:25:57,562 --> 01:25:59,529
Could you tell us anything
about the controversy?

1472
01:25:59,564 --> 01:26:01,031
Is there a controversy here?

1473
01:26:01,064 --> 01:26:02,430
Has there been sabotage?

1474
01:26:02,466 --> 01:26:03,399
Wait a minute.

1475
01:26:03,433 --> 01:26:05,402
While we haven't
ruled out sabotage...

1476
01:26:05,435 --> 01:26:07,096
from neighboring
state pageants...

1477
01:26:07,138 --> 01:26:08,799
Iowa, Wisconsin, South Dakota.

1478
01:26:08,873 --> 01:26:10,135
Yeah, that's right.

1479
01:26:10,207 --> 01:26:12,175
Ohio.

1480
01:26:12,210 --> 01:26:13,176
That bitch from Wisconsin.

1481
01:26:13,211 --> 01:26:14,199
All right then.

1482
01:26:14,277 --> 01:26:16,439
The important thing
is we have a winner!

1483
01:26:16,480 --> 01:26:17,641
- Yes, we do.
- OK.

1484
01:26:17,682 --> 01:26:19,945
The Minnesota Modeling Academy
is proud to present...

1485
01:26:19,984 --> 01:26:21,781
Along with Sarah Rose
Cosmetics...

1486
01:26:21,818 --> 01:26:22,944
Amber Atkins...

1487
01:26:24,554 --> 01:26:27,456
The new Minnesota
American Teen Princess!

1488
01:26:27,491 --> 01:26:28,652
That's Amber Atkins.

1489
01:26:28,693 --> 01:26:30,660
That's right.
From Mount Rose.

1490
01:26:30,695 --> 01:26:33,595
Amber, how do you feel?

1491
01:26:33,631 --> 01:26:35,097
Well, I...

1492
01:26:35,131 --> 01:26:37,464
I feel like I need
to take a shower.

1493
01:26:38,636 --> 01:26:40,467
Honey, is this the best day
of your life?

1494
01:26:40,504 --> 01:26:43,496
Yeah. I wish
my mom was here, though.

1495
01:26:43,541 --> 01:26:45,008
Wave hi to her.

1496
01:26:45,041 --> 01:26:46,508
Hi, Mom.

1497
01:26:46,576 --> 01:26:48,043
Hey, you hear that?

1498
01:26:48,079 --> 01:26:49,546
Hi, monkey.

1499
01:26:49,579 --> 01:26:51,377
I got some.

1500
01:26:53,416 --> 01:26:55,884
Uh-huh. No, no. Gosh, no.

1501
01:26:55,920 --> 01:26:58,184
You know, I still don't
want to be on camera.

1502
01:26:58,221 --> 01:27:00,519
I just wanna say...

1503
01:27:00,558 --> 01:27:02,889
that little bitch
better watch her back...

1504
01:27:02,927 --> 01:27:04,554
at the nationals...

1505
01:27:04,594 --> 01:27:07,062
'cause I am making friends
on the inside.

1506
01:27:07,098 --> 01:27:09,225
Yeah. Darn good friends.

1507
01:27:09,267 --> 01:27:11,394
Friends who have friends
on the outside.

1508
01:27:11,434 --> 01:27:13,596
Get your sweet ass
off the phone, Cinnamon.

1509
01:27:13,638 --> 01:27:14,797
Gotta go.

1510
01:27:16,107 --> 01:27:17,073
Oh, yeah.

1511
01:27:17,108 --> 01:27:18,575
I just can't believe it.

1512
01:27:18,608 --> 01:27:20,439
I'm Minnesota's
American Teen Princess.

1513
01:27:20,478 --> 01:27:22,445
Our baby's going to nationals.

1514
01:27:22,480 --> 01:27:24,414
Lincoln, Alabama, look out!

1515
01:27:25,982 --> 01:27:28,213
I'm gonna be on TV
just like Diane Sawyer.

1516
01:27:32,490 --> 01:27:33,957
Annette, just use your hand.

1517
01:27:33,990 --> 01:27:35,582
They told me to practice.

1518
01:27:48,873 --> 01:27:50,363
I did it.

1519
01:27:50,440 --> 01:27:51,964
OK. Ready?

1520
01:27:52,043 --> 01:27:55,011
Here's the signal I'm gonna give
Mom when I'm on TV.

1521
01:27:56,881 --> 01:27:59,315
My little Carol Burnett.

1522
01:27:59,350 --> 01:28:00,816
Here she is...

1523
01:28:00,850 --> 01:28:03,114
Minnesota's
American Teen Princess...

1524
01:28:03,154 --> 01:28:04,621
and soon to be...

1525
01:28:04,654 --> 01:28:08,146
the next America's
American Teen Princess...

1526
01:28:08,191 --> 01:28:10,022
our little Amber.

1527
01:28:32,148 --> 01:28:34,447
So after Frank
dusts the crops...

1528
01:28:34,484 --> 01:28:37,454
he's taking her
to Lincoln, Alabama.

1529
01:31:00,997 --> 01:31:02,397
Come on out...

1530
01:31:02,432 --> 01:31:05,960
you little blond piece
of trailer-park trash!

1531
01:31:11,374 --> 01:31:14,468
We're here in the sixth hour
of a shootout between...

1532
01:31:20,717 --> 01:31:22,184
This is Amber Atkins...

1533
01:31:22,218 --> 01:31:25,518
reporting live from
the Food Shack for KRLH News.

1534
01:31:25,555 --> 01:31:27,524
One of our reporters
has just been shot.

1535
01:31:27,557 --> 01:31:30,550
Paramedics are working on her
right now...

1536
01:31:33,898 --> 01:31:35,489
I'm Peter Atchison.

1537
01:31:35,533 --> 01:31:37,000
And I'm Amber Atkins.

1538
01:31:37,033 --> 01:31:39,195
For WAZB News, good night.