1
00:00:41,438 --> 00:00:44,973
It was the nicest little whorehouse
you ever saw.
2
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:57,826
It lay about a mile outside the city limits,
so everybody could feel real friendly.
3
00:00:57,956 --> 00:01:02,498
Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace picked it out
for Miss Wulla Jean in 1910,...
4
00:01:02,628 --> 00:01:07,787
...and she moved there with her girls from
over the hardware store on main street.
5
00:01:09,050 --> 00:01:11,921
} 0h, the little house lay
6
00:01:12,053 --> 00:01:14,923
} In a green Texas glade
7
00:01:15,057 --> 00:01:18,342
} Where the trees were as coolin'
8
00:01:18,477 --> 00:01:21,146
} As fresh lemonade
9
00:01:22,022 --> 00:01:26,981
} Soft summer wind
had a trace of perfume
10
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:32,270
} And a fan was turnin' in every room
11
00:01:33,117 --> 00:01:35,988
} Twenty fans were turnin',
they were turnin'
12
00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,611
} Twenty fans were turnin' in every room
13
00:01:39,039 --> 00:01:41,792
} Fevers were a-burnin',
they were burnin'
14
00:01:42,459 --> 00:01:45,460
} And they had to have
a way to cool down
15
00:01:53,679 --> 00:01:57,013
Right from the beginning,
the little house was special,...
16
00:01:57,141 --> 00:01:59,467
...like a home away from home.
17
00:01:59,602 --> 00:02:03,814
Miss Wulla Jean put a Pianola
in the parlour to sorta help break the ice.
18
00:02:03,941 --> 00:02:08,982
A fella could ask a girl to dance
or, if he held back a little, she'd ask him.
19
00:02:09,113 --> 00:02:12,067
And pretty soon they'd get
a little business goin'.
20
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:14,157
Two dollars' worth.
21
00:02:14,284 --> 00:02:16,361
Yahoo!
22
00:02:16,495 --> 00:02:21,786
It wasn't long before it became one of the
better-known pleasure palaces in Texas.
23
00:02:21,916 --> 00:02:25,618
So much so that the fellas
who visited during World War I...
24
00:02:25,754 --> 00:02:28,327
...sent their sons back in World War I I.
25
00:02:29,050 --> 00:02:32,088
The hospitality and friendliness
never changed,...
26
00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:35,221
...and neither did Miss Wulla Jean's
strict set of rules.
27
00:02:35,349 --> 00:02:37,719
She liked her ladies, as she called 'em,...
28
00:02:37,851 --> 00:02:42,809
...to treat her customers real good,
but never in an unladylike way.
29
00:02:45,274 --> 00:02:49,605
And she insisted that each girl
check her gentleman for the clap...
30
00:02:49,738 --> 00:02:52,774
...and wash him off
with soap and warm water.
31
00:02:52,908 --> 00:02:56,241
Some of the fellas claimed that
that was the best part!
32
00:02:56,452 --> 00:02:58,694
Oo-ee!
33
00:03:01,792 --> 00:03:06,917
It was only durin' the Hoover Depression
that the little house had tough times.
34
00:03:07,048 --> 00:03:10,132
Miss Wulla Jean put in a jukebox
to spark up business.
35
00:03:10,842 --> 00:03:14,676
But it wasn't always easy in them days
to come up with hard cash.
36
00:03:14,805 --> 00:03:16,845
(clucking)
37
00:03:16,974 --> 00:03:19,809
Well, you just keep that in the bag...
38
00:03:19,935 --> 00:03:23,103
...and I'll take it out back
as soon as we're finished.
39
00:03:26,317 --> 00:03:28,938
So for a while, as the story goes,...
40
00:03:29,070 --> 00:03:32,237
...the girls began acceptin'
poultry in trade.
41
00:03:32,365 --> 00:03:34,322
0ne bird, one lay.
42
00:03:34,661 --> 00:03:37,281
And that's how the place got its name.
43
00:03:37,413 --> 00:03:39,653
The Chicken Ranch.
44
00:03:43,251 --> 00:03:45,576
Course, if you grew up
anywhere in Texas,...
45
00:03:45,713 --> 00:03:49,413
...you knew at an early age
they was sellin' somethin' out there,...
46
00:03:49,549 --> 00:03:52,005
...and it wasn't poultry.
47
00:04:13,740 --> 00:04:15,864
} Twenty fans were turnin',
they were turnin'
48
00:04:15,992 --> 00:04:18,033
} Twenty fans were turnin' in every room
49
00:04:18,161 --> 00:04:20,534
} Fevers were a-burnin',
they were burnin'
50
00:04:20,664 --> 00:04:22,373
} And they had to have
a way to cool down
51
00:04:22,499 --> 00:04:24,492
} Twenty fans were hummin',
they were hummin'
52
00:04:24,626 --> 00:04:26,619
} Twenty fans were hummin'
in every room
53
00:04:26,753 --> 00:04:29,161
} Customers were comin',
they were comin'
54
00:04:29,298 --> 00:04:31,255
} And they had to have
a way to cool down
55
00:04:33,219 --> 00:04:35,047
(whooping)
56
00:04:59,247 --> 00:05:01,120
} Twenty fans were turnin',
they were turnin'
57
00:05:01,247 --> 00:05:03,324
} Twenty fans were turnin' in every room
58
00:05:03,460 --> 00:05:05,784
} Fevers were a-burnin',
they were burnin'
59
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:07,463
} And they had to have
a way to cool down
60
00:05:07,589 --> 00:05:09,877
} Twenty fans were hummin',
they were hummin'
61
00:05:10,007 --> 00:05:12,048
} Twenty fans were hummin'
in every room
62
00:05:12,177 --> 00:05:14,466
} Customers were comin',
they were comin'
63
00:05:14,595 --> 00:05:17,881
} And they had to have
a way to cool down
64
00:05:19,767 --> 00:05:22,387
Y'all come back now, you hear?
65
00:05:24,272 --> 00:05:25,053
Yahoo!
66
00:05:25,190 --> 00:05:26,897
} Twenty fans were turnin',
they were turnin'
67
00:05:27,025 --> 00:05:28,649
} Twenty fans were turnin' in every room
68
00:05:28,777 --> 00:05:30,604
} Fevers were a-burnin',
they were burnin'
69
00:05:30,737 --> 00:05:32,978
} And they had to have
a way to cool down
70
00:05:44,918 --> 00:05:46,496
} Twenty fans were turnin',
they were turnin'
71
00:05:46,627 --> 00:05:48,336
} Twenty fans were turnin' in every room
72
00:05:48,464 --> 00:05:50,419
} Fevers were a-burnin',
they were burnin'
73
00:05:50,549 --> 00:05:53,753
} And they had to have
a way to cool down
74
00:05:53,885 --> 00:05:59,093
- } Hallelujah
- } Hallelujah
75
00:06:15,617 --> 00:06:19,995
For three generations, the Chicken Ranch
went peacefully about its business...
76
00:06:20,121 --> 00:06:22,744
...while the people in Gilbert
went about theirs.
77
00:06:22,873 --> 00:06:26,077
That is, until about seven years ago.
78
00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:31,920
I was a deputy back then,
workin' for Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd.
79
00:06:32,634 --> 00:06:35,421
You wanted me to remind you
about your appointment.
80
00:06:35,555 --> 00:06:39,220
That was right after I had lost
the fried chicken franchise,...
81
00:06:39,350 --> 00:06:44,428
...while Ed Earl had been sheriff
ever since old Jack Roy Wallace retired.
82
00:06:44,564 --> 00:06:48,063
Everybody liked Ed Earl,
especially Ed Earl.
83
00:06:50,653 --> 00:06:54,983
Course, he sure did know his job,
and he was a big influence on me.
84
00:06:55,117 --> 00:06:57,571
Taught me everything I know.
85
00:06:58,536 --> 00:07:00,824
He used to like to run a quiet town...
86
00:07:00,956 --> 00:07:05,867
...with plenty of time off for socialisin'
and coffee over at Dulcie Mae's Caf�.
87
00:07:06,002 --> 00:07:10,331
0h, now and again there'd be a problem,
and we had some tough ones.
88
00:07:10,465 --> 00:07:12,921
Like the time the mule
sat on Miss Modene's car.
89
00:07:13,052 --> 00:07:16,087
(Miss Modene) He just buckled up his legs
and sat down.
90
00:07:16,221 --> 00:07:20,350
She was really havin' a hissy fit,
but it didn't faze Ed Earl.
91
00:07:20,476 --> 00:07:24,093
He just walked over to that jackass
and laid down the law.
92
00:07:24,980 --> 00:07:28,350
You see, Ed Earl always
believed in talkin' first.
93
00:07:28,484 --> 00:07:32,813
Cool reasonin', he used to tell me,
could solve any problem.
94
00:07:32,946 --> 00:07:35,402
Course, he did have a bit of a temper.
95
00:07:41,206 --> 00:07:46,365
Anyway, just about the time he became
sheriff, Miss Wulla Jean passed on.
96
00:07:46,502 --> 00:07:50,998
She left the Chicken Ranch to her
favourite workin' girl, Mona Stangely,...
97
00:07:51,132 --> 00:07:54,169
...who saw the little house
as a Texas institution...
98
00:07:54,302 --> 00:07:56,591
...and aimed to keep it that way.
99
00:07:56,971 --> 00:07:59,011
(} honky-tonk piano)
100
00:08:16,492 --> 00:08:23,705
} It's just a little-bitty
pissant country place
101
00:08:24,790 --> 00:08:27,497
} Ain't nothin' much to see
102
00:08:28,379 --> 00:08:30,620
} No drinkin' allowed
103
00:08:31,049 --> 00:08:33,669
} We get a nice quiet crowd
104
00:08:34,175 --> 00:08:36,750
} Plain as it can be
105
00:08:36,889 --> 00:08:43,058
} It's just a piddly, squattin'
old-time country place
106
00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:46,933
} Ain't nothin' too high-toned
107
00:08:48,067 --> 00:08:50,308
} Just lots of goodwill
108
00:08:51,194 --> 00:08:53,437
} And maybe one small thrill
109
00:08:54,197 --> 00:08:56,984
} But there's nothin' dirty goin' on
110
00:08:57,617 --> 00:08:59,325
} Nothin' dirty goin' on
111
00:08:59,996 --> 00:09:04,122
} We get simple farmers,
local businessmen
112
00:09:04,706 --> 00:09:09,085
} Congress folks from Austin,
young boys lookin' for sin
113
00:09:09,213 --> 00:09:11,421
} Now, we used to get
a lot of roughnecks
114
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:13,589
} When the oil boom was high
115
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:16,168
} But payday'd get a little rowdy
116
00:09:16,304 --> 00:09:18,261
} Thank God the field run dry
117
00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:21,509
} It's just a little-bitty
pissant country place
118
00:09:21,851 --> 00:09:23,678
} Nothin' much to see
119
00:09:23,811 --> 00:09:26,481
} No drinkin' allowed,
we get a nice quiet crowd
120
00:09:26,606 --> 00:09:28,313
} Plain as it can be
121
00:09:28,441 --> 00:09:31,607
} It's just a piddly, squattin'
old-time country place
122
00:09:31,736 --> 00:09:33,444
} Nothin' too high-toned
123
00:09:33,571 --> 00:09:36,062
} Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
124
00:09:36,199 --> 00:09:38,736
} But there's nothin' dirty goin' on
125
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:41,201
} Keep your language clean, girls
126
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,370
} Keep your bedrooms neat
127
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:48,002
} And don't hang around the town caf�
and say hi on the street
128
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,454
} Mind your p's and q's and manners
129
00:09:50,589 --> 00:09:53,079
} And you don't need no other tools
130
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:57,879
} Cos every girl that lives here
knows my special no-no rules
131
00:09:58,180 --> 00:10:02,392
} Yeah, every girl that lives here
knows Miss Mona's no-no rules
132
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:05,388
- Ruby Rae, start 'em.
- } Beds are not to be wallowed in
133
00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:08,271
} That's the kind of thing
that big fat lazy hogs do
134
00:10:08,398 --> 00:10:11,152
- It don't make money. Beatrice?
- } And I won't tolerate
135
00:10:11,276 --> 00:10:15,027
} No tyin' up my telephone
with other people's business
136
00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:16,861
Eloise, honey?
137
00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:21,991
} And please don't show us no tattoos,
no hearts and flowers on your thigh
138
00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:24,244
It's downright tacky.
139
00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:25,785
} Brands belong on cattle
140
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:28,752
} And that ain't what
we're sellin' at Miss Mona's
141
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,421
Do you catch my drift?
142
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:33,750
} I pay the food and the rent
and the utilities
143
00:10:33,882 --> 00:10:37,133
} You keep your mind on
your work responsibilities
144
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:40,962
} Don't let your mouth
overload your capabilities
145
00:10:41,309 --> 00:10:43,265
} And we can get along
146
00:10:43,394 --> 00:10:44,673
Dawn?
147
00:10:44,813 --> 00:10:48,063
} Any bad habits you come in with,
get rid of right now
148
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:51,395
} I can't stand no chewin' gum,
it looks just like a cow
149
00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:54,611
} Anyone takin' sick leave
oughta be real sure they're sick
150
00:10:54,740 --> 00:10:56,862
} And every time you hear that bell
151
00:10:58,574 --> 00:10:59,857
} You better get here double-quick
152
00:10:59,994 --> 00:11:01,275
} And as for pimps
153
00:11:01,413 --> 00:11:05,280
} Pimps are somethin' you don't need
to get your daily business done
154
00:11:05,417 --> 00:11:06,791
Are you listenin' good?
155
00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:09,326
} Keep them leeches and bloodsuckers
off the back roads
156
00:11:09,464 --> 00:11:13,331
} I know how to use a gun
and nobody messes with my girls
157
00:11:13,925 --> 00:11:17,092
} And any questions you might have
about the way I run this place
158
00:11:17,221 --> 00:11:19,972
} Don't gripe and whine behind my back
159
00:11:20,225 --> 00:11:22,301
} Just tell me face-to-face,
I'm open-minded
160
00:11:22,434 --> 00:11:24,723
} Say it all, then go upstairs and pack
161
00:11:25,228 --> 00:11:26,557
} The door's thataway
162
00:11:26,981 --> 00:11:30,231
} She pays the food and the rent
and the utilities
163
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,644
} We keep our mind on
our work responsibilities
164
00:11:33,779 --> 00:11:37,314
} Don't let your mouth
overload your capabilities
165
00:11:37,574 --> 00:11:39,899
} And we can get along
166
00:11:40,411 --> 00:11:45,073
Well, howdy, boys. It's good to see you.
Nice to meet you.
167
00:11:45,209 --> 00:11:48,661
Come on over here.
I'd like you to meet my girls.
168
00:11:49,129 --> 00:11:56,625
} It's just a little-bitty
pissant country place
169
00:11:57,303 --> 00:12:00,091
} Nothin' much to see
170
00:12:00,682 --> 00:12:05,095
} No drinkin' allowed,
we get a nice quiet crowd
171
00:12:05,521 --> 00:12:07,762
} Plain as it can be
172
00:12:07,898 --> 00:12:12,973
} It's just a piddly, squattin'
old-time country place
173
00:12:13,696 --> 00:12:15,854
} Nothin' too high-toned
174
00:12:15,989 --> 00:12:18,860
} Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
175
00:12:18,991 --> 00:12:20,901
} But there's nothin' dirty goin' on
176
00:12:21,035 --> 00:12:24,321
} It's just a little-bitty
pissant country place
177
00:12:24,456 --> 00:12:26,081
} Nothin' much to see
178
00:12:26,208 --> 00:12:28,830
} No drinkin' allowed,
we get a nice quiet crowd
179
00:12:28,961 --> 00:12:30,457
} Plain as it can be
180
00:12:30,587 --> 00:12:33,838
} It's just a piddly, squattin'
old-time country place
181
00:12:33,966 --> 00:12:35,709
} Nothin' too high-toned
182
00:12:35,843 --> 00:12:38,002
} Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
183
00:12:38,219 --> 00:12:40,379
} Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
184
00:12:40,598 --> 00:12:42,887
} Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
185
00:12:43,018 --> 00:12:45,010
} But there's nothin' dirty goin' on
186
00:12:47,773 --> 00:12:50,179
- } Nothin' dirty goin' on
- Yeah!
187
00:12:51,694 --> 00:12:53,733
(crows)
188
00:12:55,323 --> 00:12:59,023
Well, everything was goin' along fine,
just like always,...
189
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:02,444
...until that famous college
football celebration.
190
00:13:02,580 --> 00:13:05,035
Some think that's when
the trouble started.
191
00:13:05,792 --> 00:13:07,830
For years, the winning seniors...
192
00:13:07,959 --> 00:13:11,790
...of the Texas Aggie/Texas U
football game at Thanksgiving...
193
00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:14,792
...were treated to a night out
at the Chicken Ranch...
194
00:13:14,925 --> 00:13:17,131
...by their alumni association.
195
00:13:17,262 --> 00:13:21,474
But, actually, the real trouble started
brewin' about three days before.
196
00:13:30,442 --> 00:13:33,358
I can't tell you how thrilled we are
with your contribution.
197
00:13:33,487 --> 00:13:35,608
- Here's your receipt.
- Thank you, Rita.
198
00:13:35,738 --> 00:13:38,608
Those kids'll be so excited,
and the mayor too.
199
00:13:38,742 --> 00:13:41,527
The council will probably
vote you another plaque.
200
00:13:41,661 --> 00:13:44,578
Lord, I hope not.
I got a closet full of 'em now!
201
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,996
Hello, Dulcie Mae. You know Miss Mona.
202
00:13:48,710 --> 00:13:51,877
Oh, yes, of course! We've met.
Mornin'.
203
00:13:52,006 --> 00:13:54,212
- Good mornin'.
- Isn't this wonderful?
204
00:13:54,340 --> 00:13:58,470
Miss Mona has just capped the goal
for the Little League fund campaign.
205
00:13:58,595 --> 00:14:01,169
Oh, how nice!
206
00:14:01,307 --> 00:14:05,139
Well, on behalf of my son and
his team-mates, I wanna thank you.
207
00:14:05,269 --> 00:14:09,268
You tell 'em I'll be well repaid when
they take the championship next year.
208
00:14:09,397 --> 00:14:12,149
- Goodbye, Rita.
- I'm sorry the sheriff wasn't here.
209
00:14:12,276 --> 00:14:14,944
He went to Meritsville.
He'll be gone all afternoon.
210
00:14:15,072 --> 00:14:17,147
Well, you tell him I said hi.
211
00:14:17,282 --> 00:14:19,274
- Bye.
- Bye.
212
00:14:19,409 --> 00:14:20,952
Bye.
213
00:14:31,296 --> 00:14:34,001
- Hey, Miss Mona.
- How are you doin', Deputy Fred?
214
00:14:34,132 --> 00:14:38,001
- It's nice to see you.
- Keepin' an eye on my place at night?
215
00:14:38,137 --> 00:14:40,888
The sheriff's real particular
about security there.
216
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:43,422
Well, one of these nights,
you drop in.
217
00:14:43,558 --> 00:14:46,927
My girls would love to show you
a little appreciation.
218
00:14:47,063 --> 00:14:49,637
Shoot, Miss Mona!
You know I'm a married man.
219
00:14:49,773 --> 00:14:52,811
Fred, you think the cows
don't appreciate the time off...
220
00:14:52,943 --> 00:14:55,778
...when a bull goes over
to another pasture?
221
00:14:55,905 --> 00:14:57,944
Miss Mona!
222
00:14:58,657 --> 00:15:02,192
- See you later, Miss Mona.
- OK. Goodbye.
223
00:15:49,293 --> 00:15:51,868
- Damn it!
- What's the matter?
224
00:15:52,005 --> 00:15:54,127
- You're in bed already.
- So?
225
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:58,469
So I told you a hundred times - watching
you get undressed is the best part.
226
00:15:58,594 --> 00:16:00,467
The best part?
227
00:16:00,597 --> 00:16:03,966
Well, maybe not the best part,
but in the top two.
228
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:09,012
Now, would I wanna disappoint
my little honey?
229
00:16:10,982 --> 00:16:12,808
Whoo!
230
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,643
- I'm glad I was late.
- Me too!
231
00:16:15,779 --> 00:16:18,899
You just hold your horses.
I got a surprise for you.
232
00:16:19,033 --> 00:16:23,825
I went by the post office. I picked up
a package from Frederick's of Hollywood.
233
00:16:23,954 --> 00:16:26,623
Just a little something sexy
I thought you'd like.
234
00:16:26,749 --> 00:16:29,204
Little? It don't look little to me.
235
00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:32,454
Well, it ain't a trainin' bra,
but I believe I can fill it out.
236
00:16:32,589 --> 00:16:36,502
- I don't think you got any problem there.
- I'll be back with more.
237
00:16:36,633 --> 00:16:41,757
(chuckles) You know, Mona,
I've known a lot of women in my life.
238
00:16:41,889 --> 00:16:44,641
None of 'em have ever been
exciting to me like you are.
239
00:16:44,766 --> 00:16:48,515
Really? Even after all these years
we've been meetin' like this?
240
00:16:48,648 --> 00:16:51,101
I'll tell you something.
241
00:16:53,277 --> 00:16:57,404
A year with you is like...
a minute of sheer happiness.
242
00:16:58,157 --> 00:17:02,733
Well, now, that is just about the sweetest
thing anybody ever said to me.
243
00:17:02,870 --> 00:17:05,195
I know.
244
00:17:05,330 --> 00:17:07,406
You know, honey...
245
00:17:07,541 --> 00:17:10,541
...you bring out the... romantic in me.
246
00:17:17,176 --> 00:17:18,505
Ta-da!
247
00:17:20,095 --> 00:17:22,302
Whoo! You did that real fast.
248
00:17:22,432 --> 00:17:25,386
I've had a lot of practice
gettin' in and out of my clothes.
249
00:17:25,518 --> 00:17:27,758
How do you like the outfit?
250
00:17:28,646 --> 00:17:32,312
Hot damn. Makes me feel real sexy!
251
00:17:33,652 --> 00:17:35,691
Whoo!
252
00:17:39,824 --> 00:17:41,983
Well, you don't look real sexy.
253
00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:44,359
- I look like I always look.
- That's just it.
254
00:17:44,495 --> 00:17:48,197
It's them damn droopy boxer drawers.
I just hate the looks of them.
255
00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:51,667
- I've worn boxer shorts for years!
- And they look like it.
256
00:17:51,796 --> 00:17:56,008
These are a brand-new pair.
I don't know what you're talkin' about.
257
00:17:56,133 --> 00:17:59,419
People tell me I have
a real sexy quality about me.
258
00:17:59,553 --> 00:18:01,879
Well, you do,
but them boxer shorts don't.
259
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:05,633
But when I was gettin' me some
sexy things, I thought about you.
260
00:18:05,768 --> 00:18:07,890
They have a his-and-hers department...
261
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:11,055
...and I thought you might
wanna try that on for size.
262
00:18:12,066 --> 00:18:14,937
What the hell is it? A Japanese slingshot?
263
00:18:15,069 --> 00:18:19,114
No, it's Jockey shorts
with little silver snaps on the side.
264
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:23,024
Mm. "Little" is the key word here.
They are real little.
265
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:27,242
A guy could hurt himself wearin' those.
I don't think so, thank you very much.
266
00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:31,952
Ed Earl, I paid $20 for these, plus
postage, and I want you to wear 'em.
267
00:18:32,671 --> 00:18:35,126
- You paid $20 for these?
- Yes!
268
00:18:35,257 --> 00:18:37,749
Well, you got screwed.
269
00:18:38,134 --> 00:18:41,385
- Come on, Ed Earl!
- No!
270
00:18:41,512 --> 00:18:46,055
If they look half as good as I think,
you ain't gonna wear 'em but a second.
271
00:18:46,185 --> 00:18:48,224
Maybe less.
272
00:18:48,936 --> 00:18:51,346
- They're ridiculous.
- They're sexy.
273
00:18:51,482 --> 00:18:53,225
No, no, no!
274
00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:56,111
Well, fine! I'm gettin' dressed
and goin' home.
275
00:18:56,238 --> 00:19:00,151
Well, fine! I'm goin' in the bathroom
and... put these on.
276
00:19:04,704 --> 00:19:07,824
Be like puttin' two bowlin' balls
in a marble bag.
277
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:10,704
Braggin', braggin', braggin'.
278
00:19:14,338 --> 00:19:18,417
- Well, I saw Dulcie Mae in town today.
- Oh, yeah?
279
00:19:18,551 --> 00:19:21,636
I guess you'll be goin' there
for Thanksgivin' dinner.
280
00:19:21,763 --> 00:19:25,597
- Don't I always?
- You better check that turkey of hers...
281
00:19:25,725 --> 00:19:30,020
...because there's a hook in there that's
gonna drag your ass to a weddin' chapel.
282
00:19:30,148 --> 00:19:32,389
(chuckles) No way.
283
00:19:35,694 --> 00:19:39,228
I don't believe in matrimony.
It screws up a relationship.
284
00:19:39,365 --> 00:19:41,690
Amen to that, Ed Earl.
285
00:19:42,826 --> 00:19:46,160
- Ready?
- Oh, I'm always ready.
286
00:19:51,586 --> 00:19:54,457
Well, hellfire! Is that it?
287
00:19:54,588 --> 00:19:58,669
- How'd you like it?
- I didn't hardly get to even see them!
288
00:19:58,802 --> 00:20:01,802
That's all you're gonna see,
cos I ain't parading around.
289
00:20:01,930 --> 00:20:03,722
- Oh, come on, Ed Earl.
- No!
290
00:20:03,848 --> 00:20:06,256
- For me.
- No.
291
00:20:06,392 --> 00:20:09,145
- One itsy-bitsy peek?
- What are you doin'?
292
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,525
Now, that's what
the little silver snaps are for.
293
00:20:16,029 --> 00:20:19,193
- Work, don't they?
- Just like a snap.
294
00:20:20,197 --> 00:20:23,317
Come on over here
and give me a little lip-lock.
295
00:20:24,953 --> 00:20:26,992
Oop. Gotta brush my teeth.
296
00:20:28,082 --> 00:20:30,537
You know how I am about my breath.
297
00:20:36,006 --> 00:20:40,550
Oh, Ed Earl, I like a lot of things, but
these afternoons with you top the list.
298
00:20:40,886 --> 00:20:43,295
Yeah? Well, sing it to me, honey.
299
00:20:45,557 --> 00:20:47,597
} I like fancy, frilly things
300
00:20:48,018 --> 00:20:50,260
} High-heeled shoes and diamond rings
301
00:20:50,395 --> 00:20:52,554
} Ragtime bands and Western swing
302
00:20:52,692 --> 00:20:54,730
} And sneakin' around with you
303
00:20:55,444 --> 00:20:57,519
} Well, I like beer and rodeos
304
00:20:57,654 --> 00:20:59,861
} Detective books and dominoes
305
00:20:59,991 --> 00:21:03,986
} Football games and Cheerios
and sneakin' around with you
306
00:21:04,286 --> 00:21:06,658
} Sneakin' around with you
307
00:21:06,788 --> 00:21:09,114
} Goin' a round or two
308
00:21:09,250 --> 00:21:11,491
} Doin' what lovers do
309
00:21:12,128 --> 00:21:14,535
} Whenever they're sneakin' around
310
00:21:14,672 --> 00:21:16,712
} I like lots of cash on hand
311
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,332
} And dirty jokes
about the Fuller Brush Man
312
00:21:19,467 --> 00:21:23,086
} I like stuff I understand
like sneakin' around with you
313
00:21:23,807 --> 00:21:26,213
} You know, I like a thrill
that has no strings
314
00:21:26,350 --> 00:21:28,344
} Friendship that don't ever change
315
00:21:28,477 --> 00:21:30,685
} And laughter from the joy of things
316
00:21:30,813 --> 00:21:32,687
} And sneakin' around with you
317
00:21:32,815 --> 00:21:35,021
} Sneakin' around with you
318
00:21:35,151 --> 00:21:37,438
} Goin' a round or two
319
00:21:37,571 --> 00:21:39,811
} Doin' what lovers do
320
00:21:40,490 --> 00:21:42,778
} Whenever they're sneakin' around
321
00:21:53,797 --> 00:21:56,121
} I like drive-in picture shows
322
00:21:56,257 --> 00:21:58,464
} Kissin' long and lovin' slow
323
00:21:58,591 --> 00:22:02,425
} The secret places lovers go
whenever they're sneakin' around
324
00:22:02,555 --> 00:22:05,342
Whoo!
} I like the crazy things we try
325
00:22:05,473 --> 00:22:07,717
} And the sexy things we fantasise
326
00:22:07,852 --> 00:22:10,010
} Just a-makin' out
in the broad daylight
327
00:22:10,145 --> 00:22:11,854
} And sneakin' around with you
328
00:22:11,980 --> 00:22:14,353
} Sneakin' around with you
329
00:22:14,483 --> 00:22:16,808
} Keepin' it all brand-new
330
00:22:16,945 --> 00:22:19,102
} Gettin' the best of you
331
00:22:19,738 --> 00:22:21,565
} Whenever we're sneakin' around
332
00:22:21,698 --> 00:22:23,904
} Sneakin' around, that's all
333
00:22:24,035 --> 00:22:26,158
} I'm gonna lay down the law
334
00:22:26,495 --> 00:22:28,738
} Watchin' the rise and fall
335
00:22:29,123 --> 00:22:31,164
} Of lovers sneakin' around
336
00:22:32,001 --> 00:22:35,417
- } We're just sneakin' around
- } Oh, we're just
337
00:22:35,547 --> 00:22:37,587
} Sneakin'!
338
00:22:41,594 --> 00:22:43,172
Sheriff?
339
00:22:43,638 --> 00:22:45,677
Sheriff!
340
00:22:48,143 --> 00:22:50,516
- Deputy Fred.
- (Mona) Fred.
341
00:22:54,443 --> 00:22:56,186
Oh...
342
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,358
Hold that position.
343
00:22:59,364 --> 00:23:02,281
Don't move. Be right back.
344
00:23:13,629 --> 00:23:16,297
- This better be important.
- Well, I think it is.
345
00:23:16,422 --> 00:23:19,377
I saw your car and I figured
your phone was out, because...
346
00:23:19,508 --> 00:23:21,548
What are you wearin' that for?
347
00:23:21,678 --> 00:23:23,753
- Takin' a shower.
- Oh, really?
348
00:23:23,887 --> 00:23:27,222
I take my shower in the mornin'.
I read in the Reader's Digest...
349
00:23:27,351 --> 00:23:30,802
I don't care! What do you want?
350
00:23:30,937 --> 00:23:35,017
The mayor wants to speak to you. Rita's
been callin' all over the county for you.
351
00:23:35,150 --> 00:23:37,820
- He wants a meeting right away.
- Can't it wait?
352
00:23:37,945 --> 00:23:40,733
- You mean till after your shower?
- Mm...
353
00:23:40,863 --> 00:23:44,279
You go to your radio.
Tell him I'll be there when I get there.
354
00:23:44,410 --> 00:23:47,279
Nothing can be that important
that it can't wait.
355
00:23:47,413 --> 00:23:49,286
Right, Sheriff.
356
00:23:49,415 --> 00:23:51,655
Nice man, but dumb.
357
00:23:58,341 --> 00:24:01,592
Mona? (laughs)
358
00:24:02,470 --> 00:24:04,510
Mona?
359
00:24:11,521 --> 00:24:13,561
(car starts)
360
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:44,466
Ain't that funny? Miss Mona was
at the back, knockin' on the screen door.
361
00:24:44,595 --> 00:24:48,049
She was in a hurry,
but just dropped by to give you this.
362
00:24:51,687 --> 00:24:54,179
It's a Japanese slingshot.
363
00:24:56,776 --> 00:24:59,314
Well, look at that! At last!
364
00:24:59,447 --> 00:25:01,521
OK, Rufus. What's on your mind?
365
00:25:01,657 --> 00:25:06,284
Something with serious implications
to the health of this town! Tell him, CJ!
366
00:25:06,411 --> 00:25:09,828
I have this friend that works
in a TV station down in Houston.
367
00:25:09,956 --> 00:25:15,165
He tipped me off that Melvin P Thorpe's
plannin' an expos� on the Chicken Ranch.
368
00:25:15,293 --> 00:25:17,535
- Who?
- Melvin P Thorpe.
369
00:25:17,673 --> 00:25:21,670
He's that crazy consumer advocate.
Has a report on the late night news.
370
00:25:21,802 --> 00:25:26,676
He's got a new show once a week:
The Watchdog Report. It's on tonight.
371
00:25:26,806 --> 00:25:30,139
The Chicken Ranch on TV.
Now, come on, fellas.
372
00:25:31,437 --> 00:25:34,521
- Television is a family medium.
- But he's a sensationalist.
373
00:25:34,649 --> 00:25:39,560
He shows up every time a consumer has
a complaint. He's a menace to business.
374
00:25:40,030 --> 00:25:44,442
He's that fella that put the peanuts
back in the chocolate bar.
375
00:25:44,575 --> 00:25:45,356
What?
376
00:25:45,492 --> 00:25:48,530
He made the makers of
the Peanut Delight candy bar admit...
377
00:25:48,664 --> 00:25:53,574
...that they put less peanuts in than
they said. He made 'em change their ways.
378
00:25:53,709 --> 00:25:56,793
- Sounds like a tough customer.
- He has a lot of influence.
379
00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,210
If he brings cameras
to the Chicken Ranch...
380
00:25:59,341 --> 00:26:02,591
Come on, Rufus!
I'll make some phone calls.
381
00:26:03,803 --> 00:26:07,007
I got a little influence
around this state myself.
382
00:26:09,977 --> 00:26:12,765
Well, it's no use talkin' to me
about it, Sheriff.
383
00:26:12,897 --> 00:26:16,348
Melvin P Thorpe is now the biggest
attraction at this station.
384
00:26:16,484 --> 00:26:20,611
High ratings. Lots of letters.
He doesn't listen to anybody.
385
00:26:21,238 --> 00:26:25,532
Hell, he wants to go national! Wants
to be watchdog for the whole US of A.
386
00:26:25,785 --> 00:26:29,699
Love to help, but just like you don't
wanna mess with the Chicken Ranch...
387
00:26:29,830 --> 00:26:32,322
...I don't wanna ruffle
this old bird's feathers.
388
00:26:32,458 --> 00:26:35,661
Here in Houston, he's becomin'
a regular Texas attraction.
389
00:26:35,836 --> 00:26:37,794
Now, wait a minute, Ed Earl.
390
00:26:37,922 --> 00:26:41,837
I'd tread easy on this one.
Them TV boys can be mighty powerful.
391
00:26:41,967 --> 00:26:44,507
And mighty useful, if you get my meaning.
392
00:26:44,638 --> 00:26:46,676
Senator, roll call.
393
00:26:46,806 --> 00:26:50,757
Excuse me, Ed Earl. I gotta go.
It's that damn bilingual bullshit again.
394
00:26:50,893 --> 00:26:55,556
Let me give you a word of advice
from one elected official to another.
395
00:26:55,690 --> 00:26:58,145
Be careful of the box.
396
00:27:01,697 --> 00:27:06,609
What the hell's goin' on? This goddamn
Thorpe's got the whole state bamboozled.
397
00:27:06,743 --> 00:27:09,449
This is serious, Ed Earl.
You gotta do somethin'.
398
00:27:09,581 --> 00:27:11,822
I intend to.
399
00:27:11,958 --> 00:27:15,161
Deputy Fred, I want you to
hold down the fort for a while.
400
00:27:15,295 --> 00:27:16,574
- Me?
- Yeah, you.
401
00:27:16,713 --> 00:27:18,705
- Where you goin'?
- To Houston.
402
00:27:18,838 --> 00:27:22,290
I'm gonna take care of that
little peckerwood myself.
403
00:27:41,821 --> 00:27:43,861
- This is it.
- Thank you.
404
00:27:45,827 --> 00:27:47,534
Come in.
405
00:27:50,998 --> 00:27:53,571
- Mr Thorpe?
- I know you.
406
00:27:54,501 --> 00:27:56,578
- You do?
- Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd.
407
00:27:56,712 --> 00:27:59,169
They told me you were here. Come on in.
408
00:28:00,550 --> 00:28:04,216
I hope I'm not... interruptin' anything.
409
00:28:04,346 --> 00:28:08,213
Oh, please! It's my pleasure, my honour.
What brings you to Houston?
410
00:28:08,349 --> 00:28:11,219
Sit down. Anywhere over here.
411
00:28:11,353 --> 00:28:13,345
I'm gettin' dressed. Sit down.
412
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:17,347
I've got my TV show to do,
and I'm runnin' a bit behind time.
413
00:28:17,484 --> 00:28:20,353
It's your show I want to talk to you about,
Mr Thorpe.
414
00:28:20,486 --> 00:28:22,194
- Melvin.
- Melvin.
415
00:28:22,322 --> 00:28:24,648
- Please. You watch the show, Ed?
- Well...
416
00:28:24,782 --> 00:28:28,233
Last week was the best ratin' we ever had.
417
00:28:28,369 --> 00:28:31,989
The city planning commissioner
was drivin' a city car...
418
00:28:32,125 --> 00:28:34,366
Hold that for me, will you?
419
00:28:34,501 --> 00:28:37,621
...while he was on vacation.
Caught him dead to rights.
420
00:28:37,755 --> 00:28:40,293
That pitiful putz.
Would you just pull that up?
421
00:28:40,424 --> 00:28:42,462
Just pull that up.
422
00:28:43,634 --> 00:28:47,847
And we broke a 30 share. It's affectin'
my pieces on the late night news.
423
00:28:47,973 --> 00:28:51,343
Up, up, up.
They just love my little report.
424
00:28:53,312 --> 00:28:56,847
- I hear you're very popular.
- The power of television...
425
00:28:56,983 --> 00:29:00,482
...of public exposure,
is so great it scares me.
426
00:29:00,611 --> 00:29:05,190
I swear, I could get the mayor's
own children to throw rocks at him.
427
00:29:05,325 --> 00:29:07,899
Which show did you like best, Ed?
428
00:29:08,788 --> 00:29:12,404
I think the one about
the... nuts in the chocolate bar.
429
00:29:12,541 --> 00:29:14,581
That's one of my favourites.
430
00:29:14,709 --> 00:29:17,793
Threescore means 60, like the Bible says.
431
00:29:17,922 --> 00:29:20,756
So if it says "60 nuts" on the wrapper...
432
00:29:20,882 --> 00:29:24,085
...I wanna see 60 nuts inside.
433
00:29:24,220 --> 00:29:27,135
And I'm talkin' full nuts.
I'm not talkin' a half-nut...
434
00:29:27,264 --> 00:29:29,720
...or nut bits or nut chips.
435
00:29:31,225 --> 00:29:33,682
I'm talkin' a full nut.
436
00:29:37,233 --> 00:29:38,774
I can see that.
437
00:29:38,902 --> 00:29:41,476
Thank God we still live in a society...
438
00:29:41,613 --> 00:29:46,404
...where anything that's phoney or
dishonest can't stand the light of day.
439
00:29:47,285 --> 00:29:49,693
- Sock.
- Beg your pardon?
440
00:29:49,829 --> 00:29:51,951
Sock. Thank you.
441
00:29:52,082 --> 00:29:53,625
Yeah...
442
00:29:54,001 --> 00:29:57,866
Most corporations
involved in false advertisin'...
443
00:29:58,004 --> 00:30:00,078
...would just laugh at a $50 fine.
444
00:30:00,214 --> 00:30:05,458
But you show up with your TV camera
and give them a little bad publicity...
445
00:30:05,595 --> 00:30:09,806
...and they shape up faster than
goose shit slides through a tin horn.
446
00:30:09,933 --> 00:30:11,926
(laughs)
447
00:30:12,227 --> 00:30:14,467
(hums)
448
00:30:14,605 --> 00:30:19,183
Melvin, it's that bad publicity I want to
talk to you about. That could hurt people.
449
00:30:19,317 --> 00:30:22,402
You take that report you're doin'
on the Chicken Ranch.
450
00:30:22,530 --> 00:30:24,818
That place is older than rocks and water.
451
00:30:24,948 --> 00:30:27,653
I expect your granddaddy
took your daddy there...
452
00:30:27,785 --> 00:30:31,568
...to learn about the birds and the bees.
- (chuckles)
453
00:30:31,705 --> 00:30:36,083
I'm from New Jersey. See, I moved
to Houston six years ago.
454
00:30:36,211 --> 00:30:37,206
(chuckles)
455
00:30:37,337 --> 00:30:39,578
Texas suits my style.
456
00:30:40,674 --> 00:30:47,341
Every schoolboy in the state knows about
it. Most of the politicians have slept there.
457
00:30:47,472 --> 00:30:51,422
The mayor and the people of my county
want to keep things just the way they are.
458
00:30:51,559 --> 00:30:55,604
Hm. You know somethin', Sheriff.
It just struck me.
459
00:30:55,729 --> 00:30:58,766
- We are in the same profession.
- What's that?
460
00:30:58,901 --> 00:31:03,478
Law enforcement. I'm out there fightin'
for the rights of the public, just like you.
461
00:31:03,613 --> 00:31:06,069
Both of us are trying to protect the public.
462
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:09,534
You in the old way and me in the new.
463
00:31:10,539 --> 00:31:12,862
- The new?
- (chuckles) Television.
464
00:31:13,792 --> 00:31:15,950
I'm the electronic bounty hunter.
465
00:31:16,085 --> 00:31:18,125
I use a camera. You use a gun.
466
00:31:18,796 --> 00:31:23,339
Yeah. Melvin, everybody'd be happy
if you'd just drop the whole thing.
467
00:31:24,176 --> 00:31:29,171
I mean, those ladies out there,
they perform a necessary function.
468
00:31:29,306 --> 00:31:32,343
- Right or wrong...
- Right or wrong don't interest me!
469
00:31:32,477 --> 00:31:35,679
I'm no moraliser.
I leave all that to the preacher.
470
00:31:36,690 --> 00:31:41,566
I'm glad. The mayor was thinkin' maybe
you'd want a little unnecessary publicity.
471
00:31:41,695 --> 00:31:45,693
(laughs) Unnecessary publicity?
Well, he's got me all wrong!
472
00:31:45,825 --> 00:31:49,408
I'm not one of those sensation-mongers
out to boost his own ego!
473
00:31:49,535 --> 00:31:51,030
Clear.
474
00:31:51,787 --> 00:31:54,625
- How do you like it?
- It's different.
475
00:31:54,750 --> 00:31:56,790
I designed this myself.
476
00:31:57,335 --> 00:32:01,712
No, you tell your mayor he's got
nothing to fear from me on that score.
477
00:32:02,842 --> 00:32:07,136
- He'll be happy to hear that.
- I'm a lawman. That's my interest. Right?
478
00:32:07,262 --> 00:32:08,260
(knocking)
479
00:32:08,389 --> 00:32:10,677
- 20 seconds.
- Oh, I'm on!
480
00:32:10,809 --> 00:32:13,052
Friend Ed, I gotta go.
481
00:32:14,103 --> 00:32:16,809
That's my cue. Come on!
482
00:32:19,108 --> 00:32:21,232
Apr�s vous!
483
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:24,943
- I'd love to do an interview with you.
- I don't think I'm the type.
484
00:32:25,073 --> 00:32:27,777
Nonsense! You're what
the public wants to see.
485
00:32:27,908 --> 00:32:31,361
We'll discuss it after the show.
I want you to be my guest.
486
00:32:31,495 --> 00:32:34,996
This is the sponsor's booth.
Just make yourself comfortable.
487
00:32:35,125 --> 00:32:38,125
Make yourself to home.
See you later, partner.
488
00:32:38,253 --> 00:32:40,293
(singers) } He's out on the prowl
489
00:32:40,714 --> 00:32:43,668
} Guards and checks the best he can
490
00:32:44,467 --> 00:32:48,086
} Watchdog is a fighting man
491
00:32:48,973 --> 00:32:53,634
} Watchdog will throw
his beam of light around
492
00:32:54,269 --> 00:32:57,969
} If some folks don't toe the line
493
00:32:58,607 --> 00:33:00,482
} Watchdog's light will shine
494
00:33:00,776 --> 00:33:02,734
} Shine, shine, shine
495
00:33:02,861 --> 00:33:05,484
(announcer) And now...
the Watchdog man himself.
496
00:33:05,614 --> 00:33:09,658
The eyes and ears of Texas,
Melvin P Thorpe!
497
00:33:09,785 --> 00:33:11,446
(cheering)
498
00:33:15,085 --> 00:33:18,583
Thank you, fellow Texans,
and welcome to the Watchdog Report...
499
00:33:18,713 --> 00:33:21,961
...with yours truly, Melvin P Thorpe...
500
00:33:22,090 --> 00:33:26,003
...keepin' an eye on what's goin' on
in this beautiful state of ours.
501
00:33:26,427 --> 00:33:29,797
This week's spotlight will shine
on a shameful situation...
502
00:33:29,933 --> 00:33:34,178
...that has been allowed to exist
for close to a hundred years.
503
00:33:34,311 --> 00:33:37,644
I'm talkin' about
the Chicken Ranch, my friends.
504
00:33:37,774 --> 00:33:43,776
The proprietor of this innocent-lookin'
ranch house is known only as Miss Mona.
505
00:33:43,905 --> 00:33:48,817
And the man who turns his back
on her illegal operation...
506
00:33:48,951 --> 00:33:51,822
...is Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd!
507
00:33:52,288 --> 00:33:55,074
Did I say "illegal"? Yes, I did!
508
00:33:56,085 --> 00:33:58,917
Now, I know that this is TV...
509
00:33:59,045 --> 00:34:02,378
...so I'm gonna try to be
as delicate as I can!
510
00:34:02,633 --> 00:34:06,001
Here goes, and may God forgive me!
511
00:34:07,052 --> 00:34:11,263
- } Texas has a whorehouse in it
- } Lord, have mercy on our souls
512
00:34:11,475 --> 00:34:15,473
- } Texas has a whorehouse in it
- } Lord, have mercy on our souls
513
00:34:15,813 --> 00:34:19,728
} I'll expose the facts
although it fills me with disgust
514
00:34:20,109 --> 00:34:23,358
} Please excuse the filthy, dark details
515
00:34:23,486 --> 00:34:27,816
- } And carnal lust
- } Filthy, dark details and carnal lust
516
00:34:28,701 --> 00:34:32,779
} Dancin' goin' on inside it,
don't you see, they've gone plumb wild
517
00:34:32,913 --> 00:34:36,695
} I inquired, no one denied it,
now I think I'm gettin' riled
518
00:34:37,042 --> 00:34:41,041
} Bodies close together,
arms and legs all rearranged
519
00:34:41,298 --> 00:34:44,133
} And the sheriff does not close it down
520
00:34:44,676 --> 00:34:46,253
} That's very strange
521
00:34:46,385 --> 00:34:49,340
} Does not close it down,
that's very strange
522
00:34:49,765 --> 00:34:52,516
} Mean-eyed, juiced-up,
brilliantined, honky-tonk cowboys
523
00:34:52,642 --> 00:34:54,801
- } Oh, no
- } Mixin' with green-eyed, thin-lipped
524
00:34:54,936 --> 00:34:57,309
- } Hard-as-nails, peroxide blondes
- } Oh, no
525
00:34:57,439 --> 00:35:02,185
} Not to mention some types that
you'd never guess would venture near
526
00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:07,069
} Actin' all depraved and loose and wild
90 miles from here
527
00:35:07,448 --> 00:35:10,284
And now, our own
Melvin P Thorpe Singers.
528
00:35:10,745 --> 00:35:15,038
- } Texas has a whorehouse in it
- Oh, my goodness, he's talkin' about us!
529
00:35:15,167 --> 00:35:18,333
- } Texas has a whorehouse in it
- Suits me, Mom.
530
00:35:19,296 --> 00:35:22,295
Doreen! Run get my heart pills!
531
00:35:23,425 --> 00:35:26,591
- } Loveless copulation goin' on
- Hot damn!
532
00:35:26,803 --> 00:35:29,922
- } And it must stop
- } Loveless copulation
533
00:35:30,056 --> 00:35:33,508
- } Loveless copulation
- Loveless copulation?
534
00:35:33,935 --> 00:35:37,600
} Texas has a whorehouse in it,
Lord, have mercy on our souls
535
00:35:38,021 --> 00:35:41,058
} Texas has a whorehouse in it,
Lord, have mercy...
536
00:35:41,192 --> 00:35:42,189
Aah!
537
00:35:42,319 --> 00:35:45,190
- } Watchdog smells corruption...
- Can you dig it?
538
00:35:46,365 --> 00:35:49,568
- Hey!
- } Loveless copulation goin' on
539
00:35:56,625 --> 00:35:59,542
Don't touch that dial!
This is Melvin P Thorpe...
540
00:35:59,669 --> 00:36:04,795
...sayin' I'll be back with new and revealin'
information about this and other cases.
541
00:36:04,925 --> 00:36:07,250
Watchdog never sleeps!
542
00:36:09,179 --> 00:36:12,548
} And it must stop!
Watchdog's gonna get you
543
00:36:12,934 --> 00:36:14,807
} Gonna shine his light on you
544
00:36:14,936 --> 00:36:18,102
} Watchdog's gonna get you,
gonna shine his light on you
545
00:36:18,231 --> 00:36:19,641
(cheering)
546
00:36:25,988 --> 00:36:29,608
Damn! That man is crazier
than a peach-orchard sow.
547
00:36:30,159 --> 00:36:32,235
Announcin' it straight out on TV.
548
00:36:32,369 --> 00:36:35,538
- So you been sayin'.
- Everybody's talkin' about it.
549
00:36:35,664 --> 00:36:38,951
Not that it's big news to anybody
over three months of age.
550
00:36:39,085 --> 00:36:43,035
But they heard it in their livin' room.
Sung. Sung to music.
551
00:36:43,548 --> 00:36:46,336
And he actually called
my name on television?
552
00:36:46,469 --> 00:36:49,920
Worse than that.
The son of a bitch called mine!
553
00:36:50,138 --> 00:36:52,428
Ed Earl, ever since I can remember...
554
00:36:52,559 --> 00:36:55,926
...folks been jumpin' on me
for one reason or another.
555
00:36:56,730 --> 00:36:59,434
But we're gonna beat this.
I ain't worried about it.
556
00:36:59,565 --> 00:37:01,971
You know why?
Because I trust you.
557
00:37:02,693 --> 00:37:04,936
Cos you're my protector.
558
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:11,738
Do you know he wears
a sock in his underwear?
559
00:37:11,870 --> 00:37:12,865
A sock?
560
00:37:12,994 --> 00:37:16,448
Yeah. All rolled up
like a Jimmy Dean sausage.
561
00:37:17,959 --> 00:37:22,086
Well, I bet he's runnin' for office.
That's typical of them crusadin' fanatics.
562
00:37:22,213 --> 00:37:26,082
They flare up every few months.
They're always confusin' crime with sin.
563
00:37:26,219 --> 00:37:31,425
People get sick of hearin' it and
pretty soon it just clears out of the air.
564
00:37:32,265 --> 00:37:34,838
- You're probably right.
- Well, ain't I always?
565
00:37:34,977 --> 00:37:36,720
Mm-hm.
566
00:37:36,854 --> 00:37:38,810
You know what I was thinkin'?
567
00:37:38,938 --> 00:37:43,815
Just how much I miss the little stuff
we used to do, like goin' up to the lake.
568
00:37:43,945 --> 00:37:48,442
Wouldn't it be fun to go up there, get
a couple of six-packs, and just get drunk?
569
00:37:48,575 --> 00:37:52,489
Girl, that's the best idea you had all year.
When we gonna do this?
570
00:37:52,619 --> 00:37:56,035
- Well, I'd like to do it tonight.
- So would I.
571
00:37:56,166 --> 00:37:58,286
(siren)
572
00:38:00,252 --> 00:38:02,245
Well, I wonder who that is.
573
00:38:08,220 --> 00:38:09,797
- Hey, Deputy Fred.
- Morning, girls!
574
00:38:09,929 --> 00:38:12,847
- How's your tallywhacker hangin'?
- Fine...
575
00:38:18,814 --> 00:38:20,936
- Hi, Sheriff.
- This better be important.
576
00:38:21,066 --> 00:38:25,112
That Melvin P Thorpe is settin' up
his TV show in front of the courthouse!
577
00:38:25,236 --> 00:38:26,862
- In front of the...
- Courthouse!
578
00:38:26,989 --> 00:38:29,148
He's gettin' some pictures for the news.
579
00:38:29,282 --> 00:38:33,150
He's got a whole posse of TV cameramen.
I think you better come.
580
00:38:33,286 --> 00:38:34,745
- In front of my...
- Office!
581
00:38:34,872 --> 00:38:37,113
- Son of a...
- Bitch.
582
00:38:40,001 --> 00:38:43,869
- I cannot believe that sucker!
- He even brought his own singers.
583
00:38:44,007 --> 00:38:46,084
Wait till I get my hands on him.
584
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:50,382
- Go get him, Sheriff!
- Come on, Deputy Fred!
585
00:38:52,265 --> 00:38:57,222
Ed Earl, please don't go doin' something
stupid you're gonna be sorry for!
586
00:38:57,354 --> 00:38:59,975
- Watch your temper.
- Everything's gonna be fine.
587
00:39:00,106 --> 00:39:02,858
Leave that little shithead to me.
588
00:39:20,461 --> 00:39:24,412
Howdy again, neighbours. Melvin P Thorpe,
the old Watchdog himself...
589
00:39:24,548 --> 00:39:28,795
...shinin' a spotlight on Gilbert,
the little town with the big shame.
590
00:39:29,805 --> 00:39:32,093
Who's that fella in them trick britches?
591
00:39:32,224 --> 00:39:35,141
I don't know, but it's too late
in the year for a carnival.
592
00:39:35,268 --> 00:39:37,343
One of them TV folks, looks like to me.
593
00:39:37,603 --> 00:39:41,850
We're here at the Lanville County
courthouse to ask local citizens...
594
00:39:41,983 --> 00:39:44,818
...how they feel about
the infamous bordello...
595
00:39:44,944 --> 00:39:48,150
...runnin' wide open
in their American hometown.
596
00:39:48,823 --> 00:39:51,066
Cut! All right, stay with me, boys.
597
00:39:51,201 --> 00:39:55,578
And when I start the music, I want
you Dogettes to start with me, brisk!
598
00:39:56,207 --> 00:39:59,907
Good people of Gilbert,
may I have your attention, please?
599
00:40:00,043 --> 00:40:03,411
I would like to speak to you about
a matter of great importance.
600
00:40:03,547 --> 00:40:05,586
Let's hear it, Melvin! Lay it on us.
601
00:40:05,717 --> 00:40:10,876
I'm speakin' to you about nothin' less
than your community's moral health!
602
00:40:11,013 --> 00:40:14,677
I'm talkin' to you about
official blindness...
603
00:40:14,808 --> 00:40:18,756
...official corruption,
official malfeasance.
604
00:40:18,897 --> 00:40:21,469
- He sure is wound up.
- Yep.
605
00:40:21,606 --> 00:40:26,400
I'm just waitin' for Ed Earl to get here.
He's gonna kick that boy's ass.
606
00:40:26,529 --> 00:40:28,687
(siren)
607
00:40:31,074 --> 00:40:34,859
It's no big secret.
You know what's goin' on in this town.
608
00:40:35,204 --> 00:40:37,909
And what's goin' on is evil...
609
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:42,833
...immoral, brazen
and against the law!
610
00:40:42,963 --> 00:40:45,668
Hit it.
} Texas has a whorehouse in it
611
00:40:45,799 --> 00:40:47,792
} Lord, have mercy on our souls
612
00:40:47,927 --> 00:40:51,842
- } Texas has a whorehouse in it
- } Lord, have mercy on our souls
613
00:40:52,097 --> 00:40:56,013
} Sin is running rampant
like before the fall of Rome
614
00:40:56,477 --> 00:40:59,182
} Someone is permittin' you-know-what
615
00:40:59,980 --> 00:41:03,101
- } And it must stop
- } Loveless copulation
616
00:41:03,234 --> 00:41:05,392
} Stop that copulation
617
00:41:05,527 --> 00:41:07,484
- } Loveless copulation
- (siren)
618
00:41:07,611 --> 00:41:09,651
} Stop that copulation
619
00:41:09,781 --> 00:41:13,531
} Texas has a whorehouse in it,
Lord, have mercy on our souls
620
00:41:13,869 --> 00:41:17,914
} Texas has a whorehouse in it,
Lord, have mercy on our souls
621
00:41:18,209 --> 00:41:22,287
} Watchdog smells corruption
and he'll fight it to the top...
622
00:41:22,421 --> 00:41:25,292
Now, Sheriff, Sheriff.
Keep a grip on yourself.
623
00:41:25,425 --> 00:41:28,210
- Don't get your back up!
- Stop whimperin', Rufus.
624
00:41:28,344 --> 00:41:30,382
(music stops)
625
00:41:31,096 --> 00:41:33,848
Well, if it isn't the man himself.
626
00:41:33,974 --> 00:41:36,643
Would you care to give me
an interview now, Sheriff?
627
00:41:36,769 --> 00:41:40,053
I'm gonna give you 30 seconds,
you fancified fart.
628
00:41:40,189 --> 00:41:42,596
Get you and your chorus
the hell out of town!
629
00:41:42,733 --> 00:41:46,350
Get those cameras and crap
off the street. You're blockin' traffic!
630
00:41:46,487 --> 00:41:50,400
The only traffic we are blockin'
is that headed out for the Chicken Ranch.
631
00:41:50,535 --> 00:41:52,655
Right, Sheriff?
632
00:41:52,785 --> 00:41:56,449
Little fat buddy,
up to now you got two tickets:
633
00:41:56,581 --> 00:42:00,033
One for paradin' without a licence
and the other for insultin' me.
634
00:42:00,169 --> 00:42:03,500
Get that circus out of town,
or I'm gonna lock you up so fast...
635
00:42:03,630 --> 00:42:06,333
...your corset's gonna pop!
- Oh, yeah?
636
00:42:06,466 --> 00:42:11,425
We're within the law. As a newsman,
I have First Amendment protection.
637
00:42:12,096 --> 00:42:16,973
Get this. The public has a right to know
what is goin' on out there...
638
00:42:17,102 --> 00:42:19,472
...and what kind of payoff
you're acceptin'...
639
00:42:19,605 --> 00:42:22,523
...to protect that notorious
house of ill repute.
640
00:42:22,650 --> 00:42:24,726
(crowd gasps)
641
00:42:36,787 --> 00:42:41,118
First thing is, you're
standin' in Lanville County...
642
00:42:41,252 --> 00:42:46,246
...which, by my figurin', is about 100 miles
west of that stink hole you call Houston.
643
00:42:46,381 --> 00:42:49,964
So I can't see it's any of your business
what goes on out here.
644
00:42:50,093 --> 00:42:51,838
Oh, yeah?
645
00:42:51,971 --> 00:42:53,549
Please...
646
00:42:53,683 --> 00:42:54,880
Number two.
647
00:42:55,016 --> 00:42:57,934
You ain't the law around here and I am.
648
00:42:58,060 --> 00:43:00,765
So don't be tellin' me
what my goddamn job is...
649
00:43:00,898 --> 00:43:04,681
...or I'll whip your butt so bad
it'll look like the stripes on a barber pole.
650
00:43:04,818 --> 00:43:07,487
- (boy) Get him, Sheriff.
- May be mean, but he's ours!
651
00:43:07,611 --> 00:43:08,774
Number three.
652
00:43:08,905 --> 00:43:13,614
No sawed-off little pecker is gonna
accuse me of takin' a bribe and live...
653
00:43:13,743 --> 00:43:16,151
...cos I wear the badge
in this goddamn county.
654
00:43:16,287 --> 00:43:20,035
So you listen and listen good,
you over-padded, televising turd!
655
00:43:20,167 --> 00:43:24,496
If I ever see you or any of those bastards
that work for you in my town again...
656
00:43:24,630 --> 00:43:29,257
...I'm gonna knock you so flat
you'll have to roll down your socks to shit!
657
00:43:30,177 --> 00:43:32,929
- That's tellin' him, Sheriff!
- My goodness!
658
00:43:33,055 --> 00:43:37,550
So get outta here, you goddamn
wig-wearin', citified son of a bitch!
659
00:43:53,577 --> 00:43:55,617
Move, you schmuck!
660
00:43:57,622 --> 00:43:59,700
Move it! Come on!
661
00:43:59,833 --> 00:44:01,955
Get outta here!
662
00:44:02,085 --> 00:44:05,501
Move this thing!
Come on, move this thing!
663
00:44:05,630 --> 00:44:10,127
I'll get you for this. You son of a bitch!
You'll pay for this.
664
00:44:10,259 --> 00:44:13,547
You're in trouble, Sheriff!
You're in big trouble!
665
00:44:15,057 --> 00:44:16,717
So long, partner.
666
00:44:18,937 --> 00:44:20,976
(applause)
667
00:44:43,460 --> 00:44:46,994
Boy, you sent him hightailin'.
I was so proud of you!
668
00:44:47,132 --> 00:44:49,171
- Didn't I?
- Yeah.
669
00:44:53,888 --> 00:44:56,344
- Look at them stars.
- Mm.
670
00:44:57,434 --> 00:45:00,306
There ain't nothin'
prettier than a Texas sky.
671
00:45:00,438 --> 00:45:02,596
Ain't that the truth.
672
00:45:04,816 --> 00:45:08,186
- Hey! Did you see that shootin' star?
- Mm-hm.
673
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:10,692
- That could've been a spaceship.
- Yeah.
674
00:45:10,825 --> 00:45:13,493
- You believe in spaceships?
- Sure.
675
00:45:13,617 --> 00:45:19,287
I saw a picture once. Them fellas
that's supposed to be from up there.
676
00:45:19,916 --> 00:45:25,122
Tiny little fellas, bald-headed.
Little feet, little hands, got no peckers.
677
00:45:25,881 --> 00:45:28,122
Got no peckers?
678
00:45:28,842 --> 00:45:31,298
Well, I ain't interested.
679
00:45:32,554 --> 00:45:35,009
I don't think my girls would be either.
680
00:45:36,224 --> 00:45:39,226
When I was little,
I used to imagine a flyin' saucer...
681
00:45:39,352 --> 00:45:43,220
...swoopin' down and pickin' me up
and takin' me off to heaven.
682
00:45:43,355 --> 00:45:45,645
- Like the angels.
- Mm-hm.
683
00:45:46,567 --> 00:45:49,689
"I looked, and behold, a whirlwind
comin' out of the north."
684
00:45:49,819 --> 00:45:54,281
"And out of the midst of the fire came
the likeness of four living creatures."
685
00:45:54,410 --> 00:45:55,869
What you talkin' about?
686
00:45:55,995 --> 00:45:59,412
That's what the Bible says
about spaceships in Ezekiel.
687
00:45:59,540 --> 00:46:02,032
- Don't you know nothin' about the Bible?
- Yeah!
688
00:46:02,168 --> 00:46:05,121
I just don't know nothin'
about no Zekiel in the Bible.
689
00:46:05,254 --> 00:46:08,787
I knew a Zekiel Peebles
once in the eighth grade.
690
00:46:10,092 --> 00:46:12,133
Think I busted his jaw.
691
00:46:13,304 --> 00:46:18,677
- Well, that was very christian of you.
- Well, most of my family was Baptist.
692
00:46:18,809 --> 00:46:22,939
I never stayed with one family long
enough to become anything in particular.
693
00:46:23,066 --> 00:46:25,769
But I read the Bible.
I believe in Jesus.
694
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:29,606
I think Jesus was a...
was a real good man.
695
00:46:30,447 --> 00:46:32,690
And he was a heck of a speaker.
696
00:46:32,825 --> 00:46:36,609
Yep. I knew a woman once
that had a vision of Jesus.
697
00:46:36,744 --> 00:46:40,278
He came right into her house,
set right down at the foot of her bed.
698
00:46:40,415 --> 00:46:41,744
Mm?
699
00:46:41,875 --> 00:46:44,201
I don't know what I'd do
if that happened to me.
700
00:46:44,337 --> 00:46:49,758
I'll tell you something. If Jesus comes to
your house, all hell's gonna break loose.
701
00:46:51,510 --> 00:46:53,550
You got a point there, Ed Earl.
702
00:46:53,681 --> 00:46:57,179
But Jesus was really good to
Mary Magdalene, the fallen woman.
703
00:46:57,308 --> 00:46:59,681
He was always bein' very sociable.
704
00:46:59,810 --> 00:47:03,726
He went to this big weddin' once,
and they ran out of wine.
705
00:47:03,858 --> 00:47:06,728
You know what he did?
Turned the water into wine.
706
00:47:06,860 --> 00:47:09,860
Well, that's a man that knows
how to throw a party.
707
00:47:09,986 --> 00:47:12,065
Now, don't be sacrilegious.
708
00:47:12,406 --> 00:47:15,906
I'm not. I'm not.
He forgives me.
709
00:47:16,784 --> 00:47:19,656
- He knows I was kiddin'.
- I know he forgives you.
710
00:47:19,788 --> 00:47:23,372
That's funny, how God can forgive you
and people can't.
711
00:47:23,501 --> 00:47:28,743
- Now, why is that?
- Well, because people are not very godly.
712
00:47:30,384 --> 00:47:32,924
I know. I know.
713
00:47:35,056 --> 00:47:37,095
Yeah.
714
00:47:47,443 --> 00:47:49,483
(chuckles)
715
00:47:50,821 --> 00:47:52,859
What is it?
716
00:47:54,201 --> 00:47:58,661
Melvin P Thorpe is a sorry son of a bitch.
717
00:48:04,670 --> 00:48:07,920
You reckon he's gonna
run for the legislature?
718
00:48:08,049 --> 00:48:10,088
Why?
719
00:48:11,928 --> 00:48:14,050
I never told anybody this, Mona.
720
00:48:16,974 --> 00:48:20,390
I was thinkin' of runnin'
for the legislature someday.
721
00:48:20,519 --> 00:48:23,437
- Are you serious, Ed Earl?
- Yeah.
722
00:48:24,441 --> 00:48:28,189
They say an honest man can't be
elected in this country any more.
723
00:48:28,319 --> 00:48:31,025
But I don't believe that.
724
00:48:31,156 --> 00:48:33,992
This is a good country.
725
00:48:34,116 --> 00:48:36,073
I believe I could win.
726
00:48:36,201 --> 00:48:39,203
Well, you got my vote.
I might even go register.
727
00:48:40,124 --> 00:48:43,455
Boy, I sure didn't know
you had dreams that big.
728
00:48:43,585 --> 00:48:46,370
- People really do like you, though.
- They like you too.
729
00:48:46,503 --> 00:48:48,248
- Really?
- Sure.
730
00:48:48,380 --> 00:48:51,583
You ask anybody in town.
Say "How do you like Miss Mona?"
731
00:48:51,718 --> 00:48:54,339
They say "Shoot, she's a fine woman."
732
00:48:54,471 --> 00:48:56,760
"Fine, friendly and nice."
733
00:48:58,350 --> 00:49:01,802
I always just thought
if you see somebody without a smile...
734
00:49:01,936 --> 00:49:04,309
...give 'em yours.
- I like that.
735
00:49:06,025 --> 00:49:08,396
I like that.
736
00:49:08,526 --> 00:49:11,197
Think I'll use that as my campaign slogan.
737
00:49:11,863 --> 00:49:15,150
"If you see somebody without a smile,
give 'em yours."
738
00:49:15,409 --> 00:49:17,448
I'll have that printed up on a card.
739
00:49:17,577 --> 00:49:20,246
Oh, you're kiddin' me, you smart ass.
740
00:49:21,290 --> 00:49:23,660
I had a dream once.
741
00:49:23,792 --> 00:49:24,991
Yeah?
742
00:49:25,127 --> 00:49:28,295
- I'll tell you if you won't laugh.
- Oh, I won't laugh.
743
00:49:28,424 --> 00:49:31,507
Well, I used to dream
of bein' a ballerina.
744
00:49:32,969 --> 00:49:34,427
(sniggers)
745
00:49:34,552 --> 00:49:36,843
Now, Ed Earl, I ain't tellin' you nothin'.
746
00:49:36,973 --> 00:49:40,638
- Well... A ballerina?
- Yes, a ballerina!
747
00:49:40,769 --> 00:49:42,808
(chuckles)
748
00:49:43,481 --> 00:49:48,226
Well, I think that's wonderful. You still
could be a ballerina if you wanted to be.
749
00:49:48,358 --> 00:49:50,566
- Don't be ridiculous!
- No, you could!
750
00:49:50,694 --> 00:49:53,186
Go into training.
Just start jumpin' up and down.
751
00:49:53,323 --> 00:49:56,324
Me? Jumpin' up and down?
I'd black both my eyes.
752
00:49:57,412 --> 00:49:59,451
I couldn't now. I'm too top-heavy.
753
00:49:59,579 --> 00:50:04,741
I have a hard enough time balancin' these
things now, without gettin' on my toes.
754
00:50:11,592 --> 00:50:14,164
- You know somethin'?
- What?
755
00:50:14,303 --> 00:50:18,134
You know that, uh... I don't see
anybody but you any more.
756
00:50:19,267 --> 00:50:22,137
Course, you can't say the same, can you?
757
00:50:25,398 --> 00:50:30,226
I haven't been to bed with another woman
besides you in three years.
758
00:50:30,362 --> 00:50:32,605
You didn't know that, did you?
759
00:50:33,449 --> 00:50:35,691
No, I didn't know that.
760
00:50:37,786 --> 00:50:40,740
Nothin' better, once you've had the best.
761
00:50:40,873 --> 00:50:43,493
- Hey, I like that.
- I thought you would.
762
00:50:43,625 --> 00:50:48,003
Reckon if I was to run for the legislature
I could put that on my card?
763
00:51:04,147 --> 00:51:08,525
Up next, Melvin P Thorpe continues
his expos� of the Chicken Ranch...
764
00:51:08,651 --> 00:51:11,854
...with a violent demonstration
in the Gilbert town square.
765
00:51:11,988 --> 00:51:14,231
Great God from Goldsborough!
766
00:51:16,785 --> 00:51:18,824
(phone rings)
767
00:51:20,621 --> 00:51:23,027
Yeah?
768
00:51:23,541 --> 00:51:25,996
Ed Earl, you better turn on channel four.
769
00:51:26,712 --> 00:51:29,666
That Melvin P Thorpe idiot's
got you on TV again.
770
00:51:29,797 --> 00:51:31,922
Well, I don't give a shit, Rufus!
771
00:51:32,052 --> 00:51:34,802
It's all very well to take
that attitude, Ed Earl...
772
00:51:34,929 --> 00:51:36,671
Honey...
773
00:51:36,805 --> 00:51:40,222
Put on the television there. Channel four.
774
00:51:40,351 --> 00:51:44,301
That Melvin P Thorpe is
shootin' off his mouth again.
775
00:51:44,437 --> 00:51:46,930
What could be so goddamn important?
776
00:51:47,066 --> 00:51:51,396
Calm down, Rufus!
It can't be as bad as all that.
777
00:51:51,943 --> 00:51:55,778
What happened to me as an individual
is not important.
778
00:51:55,909 --> 00:51:59,275
Is this the kind of man we want
runnin' our law enforcement?
779
00:51:59,411 --> 00:52:05,201
Is this the kind of foul-mouthed example
we wanna set for our innocent children?
780
00:52:05,334 --> 00:52:06,532
Run the film.
781
00:52:06,670 --> 00:52:08,080
Number three.
782
00:52:08,212 --> 00:52:12,425
No sawed-off little (bleep) is gonna
accuse me of takin' a bribe and live,...
783
00:52:12,552 --> 00:52:14,591
...cos I wear the badge
in this (bleep) county!
784
00:52:14,721 --> 00:52:18,385
- So you listen and you listen good, you...
- (bleeping)
785
00:52:18,515 --> 00:52:21,800
If I ever see you or any of those (bleep)
In my town again,...
786
00:52:21,935 --> 00:52:24,806
...I'm gonna knock you so flat you'll...
- (bleeping)
787
00:52:25,814 --> 00:52:27,854
(gunshots)
788
00:52:30,820 --> 00:52:34,404
Ed Earl, that man
has made a fool out of you.
789
00:52:34,531 --> 00:52:36,570
(gunshot)
790
00:52:38,535 --> 00:52:42,749
I've had calls from preachers, deacons
and the presidents of two garden clubs!
791
00:52:42,873 --> 00:52:44,155
Thank you for callin'.
792
00:52:44,293 --> 00:52:47,743
The phones have been ringin' all mornin'.
Sheriff's office.
793
00:52:47,877 --> 00:52:52,625
I don't know why I serve as mayor
of this incorporated sand trap anyway!
794
00:52:53,177 --> 00:52:56,461
- What in the heck is keepin' him?
- He'll be along.
795
00:52:56,597 --> 00:53:00,545
- Well, he'd better!
- My wife couldn't believe what she saw.
796
00:53:00,683 --> 00:53:05,844
They bleeped him, but she read his lips
on every "hell", "goddamn" and "shit".
797
00:53:07,608 --> 00:53:11,557
There's some folks gettin' up a petition
to close the Chicken Ranch.
798
00:53:11,695 --> 00:53:14,447
All we wanted to do was keep it quiet.
799
00:53:14,572 --> 00:53:18,821
Now, thanks to Ed Earl, it's the hottest
thing on the air since the Gong Show.
800
00:53:18,951 --> 00:53:21,241
I'll tell him you called.
Mornin', Sheriff.
801
00:53:21,372 --> 00:53:23,279
- Mornin', Rita.
- Here's your calls.
802
00:53:23,416 --> 00:53:25,904
- Reckon you fellas are waitin' for me.
- We sure are!
803
00:53:26,043 --> 00:53:28,250
You don't know the trouble you've caused!
804
00:53:28,377 --> 00:53:32,163
Dad-gum it, Ed Earl!
If you ain't a pluperfect fool!
805
00:53:32,300 --> 00:53:36,429
You may be right. I got over a dozen
messages here from outraged citizens...
806
00:53:36,555 --> 00:53:39,260
...tellin' me we got a whorehouse
in Lanville County.
807
00:53:39,391 --> 00:53:41,845
Only been one here for about 150 years.
808
00:53:41,977 --> 00:53:44,894
Ed Earl, you can set up speed traps
to catch the tourists.
809
00:53:45,022 --> 00:53:48,936
You can look the other way when
a kid swipes a car to go joyridin'.
810
00:53:49,067 --> 00:53:51,190
You can even let Miss Mona run her place!
811
00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:55,269
But there's one thing you can't do:
Broadcast gutter talk on TV.
812
00:53:55,406 --> 00:53:59,618
- I didn't know they was takin' pictures.
- What were the cameras for?
813
00:53:59,745 --> 00:54:02,745
Damn it, CJ! You pious pissant.
814
00:54:03,541 --> 00:54:06,411
I don't have one tenth the trouble
from Miss Mona's...
815
00:54:06,545 --> 00:54:10,458
...that I have from one of your
stag parties at the legionnaire hall.
816
00:54:10,590 --> 00:54:12,996
- That ain't fair.
- There's just one thing to do.
817
00:54:13,134 --> 00:54:15,969
Close the place before we all
go to hell in a handbasket.
818
00:54:16,095 --> 00:54:17,504
Close it down!
819
00:54:17,638 --> 00:54:21,172
She was just fine as long as
she was makin' civic contributions...
820
00:54:21,308 --> 00:54:24,512
...but the moment her luck ran sour,
you want to run out on her.
821
00:54:24,645 --> 00:54:27,561
Run out on her like rats
from a burnin' barn!
822
00:54:27,689 --> 00:54:31,439
That's just it, Ed Earl.
Who's gonna put out that fire?
823
00:54:31,569 --> 00:54:34,902
Look, if you won't close her down,
tell her to lay low!
824
00:54:35,033 --> 00:54:37,902
Yeah. Just until the heat
wears off a little bit.
825
00:54:38,035 --> 00:54:40,608
Give it two months.
What's two months?
826
00:54:40,745 --> 00:54:43,615
Nobody tells me
how to run my goddamn job!
827
00:54:43,749 --> 00:54:45,789
And nobody gives me advice!
828
00:54:45,919 --> 00:54:50,046
I'll do things my own way.
I'm gonna make up my own damn mind!
829
00:54:51,215 --> 00:54:53,254
Two months.
What's two months?
830
00:54:53,383 --> 00:54:55,956
Shut down for two months!
831
00:54:56,094 --> 00:54:59,547
That is a hell of a lot
to ask somebody, Ed Earl.
832
00:54:59,681 --> 00:55:03,844
And that's a hell of a lot of overhead
to pay out when cash ain't comin' in.
833
00:55:03,979 --> 00:55:07,348
- What will I tell my girls?
- Well, maybe it won't be two months.
834
00:55:07,481 --> 00:55:11,943
The holidays are comin'. Maybe in a week
or two the whole thing will blow over...
835
00:55:12,069 --> 00:55:16,649
I warned you yesterday about
losin' your temper and carryin' on.
836
00:55:16,783 --> 00:55:21,611
- Last night you was proud of me.
- Last night I wasn't on the 11.00 news!
837
00:55:22,164 --> 00:55:25,414
I didn't know that son of a bitch
was gonna make an idiot out of me.
838
00:55:25,541 --> 00:55:29,919
I don't know about that electronic bullshit!
How was I supposed to handle that?
839
00:55:30,046 --> 00:55:33,665
That's your job, Ed Earl.
Ain't that what they pay you for?
840
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:37,215
I know my job! Don't be tellin' me
what my goddamn job is!
841
00:55:37,346 --> 00:55:40,216
I could close this place down
in a New York minute!
842
00:55:40,347 --> 00:55:45,011
All I'm askin' for is a little cooperation
so I can get through a difficult situation...
843
00:55:45,146 --> 00:55:50,021
...with as little trouble as possible!
- OK, OK! I'll shut it down.
844
00:55:50,694 --> 00:55:53,944
- You will?
- What do you want? A written contract?
845
00:55:55,072 --> 00:55:58,525
- You promise?
- Ed Earl, I am givin' you my word.
846
00:56:03,247 --> 00:56:06,450
I'm sorry, Mona, about the whole situation.
847
00:56:06,585 --> 00:56:08,827
Don't feel sorry for me.
848
00:56:09,462 --> 00:56:13,212
I started out poor
and I worked my way up to outcast.
849
00:56:16,761 --> 00:56:20,926
I know what I'm askin' is gonna turn out
to be the best thing for both of us.
850
00:56:21,057 --> 00:56:23,514
Just trust me.
851
00:56:26,230 --> 00:56:28,554
You know what burns my ass?
852
00:56:28,690 --> 00:56:31,776
- What?
- A flame about three feet high.
853
00:56:33,027 --> 00:56:36,360
Of course I trust you, you big cowboy.
Ain't I always?
854
00:56:36,491 --> 00:56:38,068
Mm-hm.
855
00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:40,740
No need to stop now.
856
00:56:41,954 --> 00:56:43,864
Now get outta here.
857
00:56:43,999 --> 00:56:48,079
Everything's gonna turn out just fine.
Don't you worry about a thing, honey.
858
00:56:48,211 --> 00:56:50,915
Everything's gonna turn out
slicker than cat shit...
859
00:56:51,048 --> 00:56:53,502
...on a linoleum floor.
860
00:56:53,633 --> 00:56:54,830
(laughs)
861
00:56:58,680 --> 00:57:03,057
Well, if it ain't the celebrated
cussin' Sheriff of Lanville County.
862
00:57:03,183 --> 00:57:06,057
- How are you, Sheriff?
- I'm fine. How are you, Porky?
863
00:57:06,188 --> 00:57:10,020
Oh, Sheriff! I been real good all week.
I've lost six pounds.
864
00:57:10,150 --> 00:57:13,520
Oh, yeah? Well, don't take nothin'
off them cheeks.
865
00:57:13,653 --> 00:57:15,943
Oh, go on.
866
00:57:16,073 --> 00:57:18,112
(laughs) Whoa!
867
00:57:19,743 --> 00:57:22,197
Well, Jewel, I just promised the sheriff...
868
00:57:22,328 --> 00:57:24,785
...that we're gonna shut down
for two months.
869
00:57:24,915 --> 00:57:27,407
What? How can you promise that?
870
00:57:27,543 --> 00:57:31,921
What about the football game
celebration tomorrow night?
871
00:57:32,048 --> 00:57:35,416
- I forgot all about that.
- It's the Thanksgiving game.
872
00:57:35,551 --> 00:57:38,221
- That's real special.
- I know, Jewel!
873
00:57:38,348 --> 00:57:40,885
I don't know what to do now.
I did promise.
874
00:57:41,016 --> 00:57:45,476
You think, if we close the doors, just
went on as planned, that'd be all right?
875
00:57:45,603 --> 00:57:50,148
I'm sure it will, honey. That party
is a bigger tradition than the game.
876
00:57:55,573 --> 00:57:56,566
(crowd cheering)
877
00:57:58,032 --> 00:58:01,033
65,000-plus on hand
here at Kyle Field...
878
00:58:01,160 --> 00:58:03,830
...and we have seen
an amazing ball game.
879
00:58:03,957 --> 00:58:07,489
Texas A&M heavily favoured,
but we're tied 12-12.
880
00:58:07,627 --> 00:58:12,453
Aggies have the ball, second down
at eight. Time is winding down.
881
00:58:12,589 --> 00:58:16,919
They try the middle of the Texas defence
and again the break is stopped.
882
00:58:17,051 --> 00:58:20,257
- This University of Texas defence...
- Whoo-wee!
883
00:58:21,348 --> 00:58:23,470
Whoo!
884
00:58:24,728 --> 00:58:29,354
String up the white. We'll see who wins
and put up the orange or the maroon.
885
00:58:29,482 --> 00:58:31,521
Yes, ma'am.
886
00:58:32,527 --> 00:58:35,859
- I can't stand it if them Aggies win.
- What do you mean?
887
00:58:35,989 --> 00:58:41,030
They're such animals. Always yellin'
and jumpin' about and sayin' "yee-ha".
888
00:58:41,161 --> 00:58:45,409
They have to go for all the marbles,
they will have to throw right now.
889
00:58:45,541 --> 00:58:48,957
Time running out. Miller rolls to the right.
Pass! Touchdown!
890
00:58:50,670 --> 00:58:52,380
Yahoo!
891
00:58:52,506 --> 00:58:54,546
Hell! That calls for a drink.
892
00:58:58,053 --> 00:58:59,963
Don't let your mother see you.
893
00:59:00,597 --> 00:59:02,425
- Well, who won?
- The Aggies.
894
00:59:02,557 --> 00:59:06,637
- Oh, shit.
- (all) Yee-ha!
895
00:59:06,979 --> 00:59:09,305
Yee-ha!
896
00:59:09,899 --> 00:59:11,938
Yee-ha!
897
00:59:12,066 --> 00:59:14,107
Hey, boys!
898
00:59:15,571 --> 00:59:17,897
All right! Hey, boys!
899
00:59:19,285 --> 00:59:23,328
Boys, boys! That was
the greatest victory...
900
00:59:23,455 --> 00:59:25,944
...since General Eisenhower won!
901
00:59:26,291 --> 00:59:30,952
Senator, you ain't forgot you was gonna
take us to the Chicken Ranch, did ya?
902
00:59:31,086 --> 00:59:35,251
- Yeah! How about it?
- I always keep my campaign promises.
903
00:59:36,093 --> 00:59:41,169
The Chicken Ranch is a fine institution
and I'm proud to have it in my district.
904
00:59:41,307 --> 00:59:44,391
And to hell with what
Melvin P Thorpe says.
905
00:59:45,937 --> 00:59:48,689
I'll see all you seniors out at Miss Mona's.
906
00:59:58,072 --> 01:00:00,233
} We're gonna whomp and stomp
907
01:00:00,701 --> 01:00:05,909
} And a-whoop it up tonight
908
01:00:06,248 --> 01:00:11,041
} Those little gals won't
never ever be the same
909
01:00:13,298 --> 01:00:16,500
} They're gonna love it
when we whomp and stomp
910
01:00:16,928 --> 01:00:22,218
} And a-whoop it up, all right
911
01:00:22,556 --> 01:00:27,385
} It's even better than
an Aggie football game
912
01:00:28,397 --> 01:00:30,767
Better than a football game?
913
01:00:31,190 --> 01:00:37,394
} And then we're gonna show them all
a thing or two
914
01:00:39,366 --> 01:00:41,987
} We're gonna demonstrate
915
01:00:42,285 --> 01:00:45,489
} Just what a champion can do
916
01:00:46,040 --> 01:00:46,953
Yee-ha!
917
01:00:47,083 --> 01:00:51,745
} 75 miles until we get to heaven
918
01:00:52,046 --> 01:00:56,590
} 75 miles until our plans are laid
919
01:00:57,218 --> 01:01:01,797
} 75 miles until we get
to the Chicken Ranch
920
01:01:02,182 --> 01:01:09,846
} Where history and Aggie boys
get made
921
01:01:10,814 --> 01:01:12,854
(whooping)
922
01:01:23,453 --> 01:01:25,494
Yee-ha!
923
01:01:45,436 --> 01:01:47,473
Lookit here! Watch this.
924
01:02:08,585 --> 01:02:11,916
Yee-ha! Yee-ha!
925
01:02:15,050 --> 01:02:17,089
All right! Hey, come on.
926
01:02:18,928 --> 01:02:20,802
Attaboy!
927
01:02:20,930 --> 01:02:22,967
- Ooh, yeah!
- Come on!
928
01:02:23,932 --> 01:02:25,971
All right!
929
01:03:09,521 --> 01:03:14,265
} 22 miles until we get to heaven
930
01:03:14,404 --> 01:03:18,816
} 22 miles until our plans are laid
931
01:03:19,156 --> 01:03:23,451
} 22 miles until we get
to the Chicken Ranch
932
01:03:23,869 --> 01:03:30,867
} Where history and Aggie boys
get made
933
01:03:43,638 --> 01:03:45,512
What the hell happened?
934
01:03:49,939 --> 01:03:52,724
Do we have to wear
these ball gowns again?
935
01:03:52,857 --> 01:03:56,309
Yes, and I don't wanna hear
any more bitchin' about it.
936
01:03:56,737 --> 01:04:00,319
Miss Mona likes to create
somethin' special for the boys.
937
01:04:00,449 --> 01:04:02,691
It's like a graduation dance.
938
01:04:09,710 --> 01:04:11,417
Yee-ha!
939
01:04:11,876 --> 01:04:15,460
Yee-ha! Yee-ha!
940
01:04:22,973 --> 01:04:26,506
} One more mile until we get to heaven
941
01:04:26,893 --> 01:04:30,394
} One more mile until our plans are laid
942
01:04:30,857 --> 01:04:34,307
} One more mile until we get
to the Chicken Ranch
943
01:04:34,566 --> 01:04:45,114
} Where history and Aggie boys
get made
944
01:04:48,833 --> 01:04:50,291
Yee-ha!
945
01:04:50,667 --> 01:04:52,707
Y'all come on in!
946
01:04:53,170 --> 01:04:55,744
Oh, I'm so glad to see you.
Congratulations!
947
01:04:55,882 --> 01:05:00,959
Hey, boys! I think you'll find
it's a fittin' celebration for today's victory!
948
01:05:03,389 --> 01:05:06,307
- (all) Whoo!
- Howdy, boys!
949
01:05:07,811 --> 01:05:10,729
Howdy, ma'am. I'm Senator Wingwood
of the 19th District...
950
01:05:10,854 --> 01:05:14,059
...and the Aggie class of '49.
Mighty proud to meet you.
951
01:05:14,192 --> 01:05:17,560
To meet me!
Charlie, who you think you're talkin' to?
952
01:05:17,695 --> 01:05:19,818
How's Mary Margaret and the kids?
953
01:05:21,284 --> 01:05:23,737
Hell, Miss Mona,
I didn't think you'd remember.
954
01:05:23,868 --> 01:05:26,360
Remember? Did you remember
to bring my cheque?
955
01:05:26,496 --> 01:05:28,537
I got it right here.
956
01:05:29,583 --> 01:05:34,328
Good. You know it's always a business
doin' pleasure with you, Charlie.
957
01:05:34,463 --> 01:05:37,583
You boys head on out back.
We've got a nice surprise for you.
958
01:05:37,715 --> 01:05:39,757
Come on, boys!
959
01:05:52,482 --> 01:05:56,526
- (woman) Yoo-hoo! Boys!
- (} honky-tonk piano)
960
01:06:00,197 --> 01:06:01,693
Hi!
961
01:06:04,076 --> 01:06:06,746
- Hiya, girls!
- (whistling)
962
01:09:28,456 --> 01:09:30,663
(boys) Yee-ha!
963
01:09:37,797 --> 01:09:38,295
(whistling)
964
01:09:38,423 --> 01:09:40,665
} Texas has a whorehouse in it
965
01:10:06,579 --> 01:10:08,617
(humming)
966
01:10:11,459 --> 01:10:12,657
(knocking)
967
01:10:12,793 --> 01:10:16,077
- Yo!
- It's me, Deputy Fred!
968
01:10:16,212 --> 01:10:18,251
Come on in, Fred!
969
01:10:19,383 --> 01:10:22,418
- Evenin', Sheriff.
- Happy Thanksgiving. You want a drink?
970
01:10:22,554 --> 01:10:25,554
Oh, no, thank you.
That stuff always tears up my stomach.
971
01:10:25,681 --> 01:10:29,596
- I was readin' in the Reader's Digest...
- What do you want, Fred?
972
01:10:29,727 --> 01:10:31,886
I was makin' my rounds around town...
973
01:10:32,021 --> 01:10:36,233
...and I saw Melvin P Thorpe and a bunch
of fellas headed out to the Chicken Ranch.
974
01:10:36,360 --> 01:10:38,398
- Melvin P Thorpe.
- Uh-huh.
975
01:10:38,985 --> 01:10:41,109
Goin' out to the Chicken Ranch, was he?
976
01:10:41,239 --> 01:10:43,611
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
977
01:10:43,741 --> 01:10:45,863
He's gonna be real disappointed!
978
01:10:47,119 --> 01:10:51,449
See, there ain't nothin' goin' on.
Miss Mona promised me to close down.
979
01:10:51,583 --> 01:10:53,989
Well, she didn't.
I was out there this evenin'.
980
01:10:54,127 --> 01:10:57,628
Those Aggies was just
celebratin' to beat the band.
981
01:10:58,757 --> 01:11:00,630
- Oh, no.
- Uh-huh!
982
01:11:00,759 --> 01:11:03,712
- Oh, shit!
- Uh-huh.
983
01:11:38,673 --> 01:11:40,713
Shh. Quiet.
984
01:11:43,471 --> 01:11:47,633
Sh. This may be the most important
scoop of my television career.
985
01:11:51,603 --> 01:11:53,643
Not now! Idiot boy.
986
01:11:56,692 --> 01:11:58,899
Give me that. Now.
987
01:11:59,026 --> 01:12:02,980
Good neighbours, we're about to enter
the whorehouse itself.
988
01:12:03,115 --> 01:12:04,857
Cut. Come on.
989
01:12:05,576 --> 01:12:07,531
Stay with me. Come on.
990
01:12:07,661 --> 01:12:09,951
Come on, boys.
991
01:12:10,081 --> 01:12:13,082
There's been a party here.
Watch your step. Sh.
992
01:12:15,669 --> 01:12:17,708
Hold this.
993
01:12:19,759 --> 01:12:21,549
(creaks)
994
01:12:23,011 --> 01:12:25,051
Damn quiet.
995
01:12:25,472 --> 01:12:27,511
Billy Joe, light switch.
996
01:12:32,728 --> 01:12:35,019
Shh. Come on. No!
997
01:12:36,481 --> 01:12:38,522
(snoring)
998
01:12:39,945 --> 01:12:41,984
Careful.
999
01:12:43,573 --> 01:12:46,608
Henry... Lights. Light switch.
1000
01:12:46,744 --> 01:12:49,365
Watch me.
You know what you gotta do.
1001
01:12:51,038 --> 01:12:53,660
Bingo. Lights!
1002
01:12:53,792 --> 01:12:55,831
Everybody up!
1003
01:12:58,005 --> 01:12:59,630
Let's get 'em!
1004
01:13:00,675 --> 01:13:02,715
All right! Come along!
1005
01:13:05,931 --> 01:13:07,128
Oh, shit!
1006
01:13:13,354 --> 01:13:15,976
- Jewel, what in hell is goin' on?
- Call the sheriff!
1007
01:13:16,106 --> 01:13:18,229
It's that Melvin P Thorpe sucker!
1008
01:13:20,445 --> 01:13:22,815
Oh! Ooh!
1009
01:13:22,989 --> 01:13:25,313
They're smokin'! Cocaine!
1010
01:13:25,450 --> 01:13:27,442
Take their picture!
1011
01:13:35,544 --> 01:13:37,454
- All right...
- (screams)
1012
01:13:37,589 --> 01:13:39,544
Take her picture!
Thank you!
1013
01:14:13,499 --> 01:14:16,833
- Excuse me, ma'am.
- Y'all come back now, you hear?
1014
01:14:16,962 --> 01:14:19,630
Come on, boys!
Ooh! Look who's here.
1015
01:14:19,756 --> 01:14:22,248
Senator, the eyes of Texas are upon you.
1016
01:14:27,265 --> 01:14:29,387
Come on, boys!
We got all we need.
1017
01:14:29,516 --> 01:14:30,892
Thank you, ma'am.
1018
01:14:31,978 --> 01:14:33,389
Oh!
1019
01:14:38,401 --> 01:14:39,728
Miss Mona!
1020
01:14:39,863 --> 01:14:41,901
Melvin P Thorpe. Gotcha!
1021
01:14:44,657 --> 01:14:48,785
Let's get to those vans!
We're gonna make the mornin' news!
1022
01:15:19,193 --> 01:15:21,433
See you on TV! (laughs)
1023
01:15:21,572 --> 01:15:23,526
Holy shit!
1024
01:15:23,657 --> 01:15:25,694
God almighty.
1025
01:15:39,465 --> 01:15:42,666
Damn it! You gave me your word!
And I took it!
1026
01:15:42,801 --> 01:15:45,554
- Now, I'm the law!
- That law! Talk about the law!
1027
01:15:45,679 --> 01:15:50,755
A bunch of crazies break into my house,
takin' pictures, invadin' my privacy.
1028
01:15:50,894 --> 01:15:54,510
Do you wanna know what the law's
gonna do? I can tell you - nothin'!
1029
01:15:54,645 --> 01:15:57,896
They had no reason to do nothin'
if you'd done what you said!
1030
01:15:58,024 --> 01:16:00,064
I trusted you. That's what hurt.
1031
01:16:00,194 --> 01:16:04,440
Don't you talk to me about trust!
I trusted you to protect me!
1032
01:16:04,573 --> 01:16:07,147
I made a mistake tonight, OK?
1033
01:16:07,577 --> 01:16:11,112
If that's your apology,
it ain't worth armadillo crap.
1034
01:16:11,247 --> 01:16:15,243
I ain't apologisin'! I'm a businesswoman
payin' out double taxes!
1035
01:16:15,376 --> 01:16:19,918
I expect a little protection for my money!
Where were you? I couldn't get you...
1036
01:16:20,048 --> 01:16:23,381
I was in bed, because you gave me
your word you were closin' down.
1037
01:16:23,509 --> 01:16:26,346
If Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace
was here, none of this...
1038
01:16:26,469 --> 01:16:30,173
Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace
couldn't hold my jock!
1039
01:16:30,308 --> 01:16:32,763
Goddamn it, Mona, you're makin' me mad!
1040
01:16:32,894 --> 01:16:37,437
Whoo! Listen at him cuss and shout.
Just like on TV!
1041
01:16:37,565 --> 01:16:40,317
You're just a kid
playin' at bein' a cowboy.
1042
01:16:40,444 --> 01:16:42,687
You ain't never gonna grow up!
1043
01:16:42,821 --> 01:16:44,861
You use me as your mistress.
1044
01:16:44,990 --> 01:16:48,026
You use that damn Dulcie Mae
as your in-town wife.
1045
01:16:48,161 --> 01:16:50,317
You even use that little boy of hers...
1046
01:16:50,451 --> 01:16:53,241
...so you can play weekend daddy!
- Leave him out of it!
1047
01:16:53,373 --> 01:16:58,582
You're playin'. You're just a big,
overgrown kid playin' at bein' a man!
1048
01:16:58,714 --> 01:17:01,879
I don't have to listen to this shit. Damn it!
1049
01:17:02,007 --> 01:17:06,386
I'm the law. If I choose to, I'll close
this place down till hell freezes over.
1050
01:17:06,514 --> 01:17:10,807
Don't you threaten me.
I'm tellin' the truth, and you know it!
1051
01:17:10,932 --> 01:17:14,979
And all of your big dreams
of goin' to the legislature.
1052
01:17:15,103 --> 01:17:20,060
They're just dreams, cos you ain't never
gonna be no more than you are right now.
1053
01:17:20,193 --> 01:17:23,644
A chickenshit sheriff
in a chickenshit town.
1054
01:17:26,283 --> 01:17:30,232
You may be right. It's a hell of a lot
better than bein' a whore.
1055
01:18:33,352 --> 01:18:36,767
Legalised prostitution, pro or con,
is in the news today.
1056
01:18:36,896 --> 01:18:40,516
For a report, here is
Jeff Gerald in Gilbert, Texas.
1057
01:18:41,985 --> 01:18:44,737
The Chicken Ranch,
the legendary bawdyhouse...
1058
01:18:44,864 --> 01:18:49,193
...is showing little activity after the
disclosure of the Thanksgiving-night raid.
1059
01:18:49,327 --> 01:18:52,993
- Get away!
- The deputy keeps away onlookers...
1060
01:18:53,122 --> 01:18:57,618
...while up at the house the doors are
closed and the principals are not talking.
1061
01:18:58,085 --> 01:19:00,576
The Sheriff of Gilbert
refused interviews,...
1062
01:19:00,713 --> 01:19:04,460
...while in Houston the man who launched
the campaign, Melvin P Thorpe,...
1063
01:19:04,593 --> 01:19:06,633
...held a press conference today.
1064
01:19:06,762 --> 01:19:09,253
This report says that the Chicken Ranch...
1065
01:19:09,390 --> 01:19:13,554
...is involved with and under the influence
of organised crime.
1066
01:19:13,686 --> 01:19:18,429
I am gonna take this report to Austin
in the hopes that the governor himself...
1067
01:19:18,564 --> 01:19:22,859
...will come out of his long silence
on this issue and uphold the law.
1068
01:19:22,986 --> 01:19:26,190
- (applause)
- Thank you. Thank you very much.
1069
01:19:26,656 --> 01:19:28,695
The governor made no statement,...
1070
01:19:28,828 --> 01:19:32,492
...but Senator Charles Wingwood,
a principal figure in the raid,...
1071
01:19:32,622 --> 01:19:35,457
...held a press conference
explaining his involvement.
1072
01:19:35,583 --> 01:19:39,247
I have no independent recollection
of going to the Chicken Ranch.
1073
01:19:39,380 --> 01:19:44,089
I can only say, as the most dedicated
anti-Communist in the state legislature...
1074
01:19:44,216 --> 01:19:48,262
...that I must have been drugged by
Communists or Communist sympathisers...
1075
01:19:48,387 --> 01:19:52,222
...and placed there to harm
my reputation and good name.
1076
01:19:52,348 --> 01:19:54,805
Reaction across the state
is split 50-50.
1077
01:19:54,937 --> 01:19:58,140
But here in Gilbert,
the Chicken Ranch has many supporters.
1078
01:19:58,272 --> 01:20:02,898
I ain't never seen anything bad come out
of there, and I've lived here all my life.
1079
01:20:03,027 --> 01:20:06,028
Why, they attract a lot
of business to the community.
1080
01:20:06,157 --> 01:20:08,826
They pay their taxes,
just like you and me!
1081
01:20:09,575 --> 01:20:13,161
No one... no one was ever
forced to go up there.
1082
01:20:13,331 --> 01:20:16,617
My Frank, when he was alive,
used to go up there every Saturday.
1083
01:20:16,751 --> 01:20:20,962
I took it as a blessin'.
Of course, things were different then.
1084
01:20:21,089 --> 01:20:25,169
Nowadays women enjoy doin'
that sort of thing themselves.
1085
01:20:25,300 --> 01:20:27,542
At least, so I've been told.
1086
01:20:27,677 --> 01:20:30,595
The Chicken Ranch?
I think it's a good idea.
1087
01:20:30,722 --> 01:20:34,010
See, you take young boys
and they're gonna be lookin' for women.
1088
01:20:34,144 --> 01:20:37,179
If they can't find 'em, they'll rape 'em.
And if they don't...
1089
01:20:37,313 --> 01:20:41,394
...they'll run to other women and get
diseases! Those girls went to doctors.
1090
01:20:41,528 --> 01:20:45,190
Although petitions are being circulated
to save the Chicken Ranch...
1091
01:20:45,321 --> 01:20:48,075
...this bumper sticker
is beginning to appear.
1092
01:20:48,533 --> 01:20:53,610
And so, as feminists support the bill for
the decriminalisation of prostitution...
1093
01:20:53,746 --> 01:20:57,161
...while traditionalists
lobby for its defeat,...
1094
01:20:57,292 --> 01:21:01,999
...the fate of the Chicken Ranch rests with
the governor, who again was unavailable.
1095
01:21:02,381 --> 01:21:04,706
Jeff Gerald, ABC News,
Gilbert, Texas.
1096
01:21:04,841 --> 01:21:06,882
Thank you, Jeff. If there are...
1097
01:21:08,722 --> 01:21:11,211
Well, I hate admitting
I was wrong, Miss Mona.
1098
01:21:11,348 --> 01:21:14,222
But with television broadcasting all this...
1099
01:21:14,351 --> 01:21:19,061
...we should've done what the sheriff said
and kept this place closed.
1100
01:21:19,190 --> 01:21:22,105
It was my fault, Jewel. It was my decision.
1101
01:21:22,237 --> 01:21:24,938
He ain't gonna be able to stop it
this time, is he?
1102
01:21:25,072 --> 01:21:28,653
No. He'd like to,
but he's out of his league.
1103
01:21:28,783 --> 01:21:30,940
He don't know how to fight 'em.
1104
01:21:31,077 --> 01:21:35,122
He's just a good old boy
that ain't never gonna grow up.
1105
01:21:35,247 --> 01:21:37,655
Honey, we see everything
in this profession.
1106
01:21:37,793 --> 01:21:41,624
But one thing I ain't never seen,
man nor woman, is a grown-up.
1107
01:21:41,755 --> 01:21:44,673
Don't be too hard on him.
He loves you.
1108
01:21:48,804 --> 01:21:51,676
Well, he ain't never said it.
1109
01:21:51,807 --> 01:21:54,678
Some men can't say the words, honey.
1110
01:21:54,810 --> 01:21:58,179
But that don't mean
they don't feel it in their heart.
1111
01:21:58,732 --> 01:22:01,980
Well, it's just as well anyhow, Jewel.
1112
01:22:02,108 --> 01:22:04,861
I set my course a long time ago...
1113
01:22:05,904 --> 01:22:08,361
...and I can't go changin' now.
1114
01:22:12,995 --> 01:22:18,120
I don't know what to do. Folks got nothin'
to talk about but this Chicken Ranch mess.
1115
01:22:18,250 --> 01:22:21,206
Like a broken record:
Chicken Ranch, Chicken Ranch...
1116
01:22:21,336 --> 01:22:24,293
All of this bad publicity's
flat ruinin' business.
1117
01:22:24,423 --> 01:22:28,339
- I haven't sold a car in a week.
- It's ruinin' the town.
1118
01:22:28,470 --> 01:22:31,673
No one's blamin' you, Ed Earl.
It ain't your fault.
1119
01:22:31,806 --> 01:22:34,723
But we can't just sit around here
waitin' to grow tits!
1120
01:22:34,850 --> 01:22:37,852
The way I see it, the Chicken Ranch
served a purpose once.
1121
01:22:37,979 --> 01:22:40,020
But now everything's openin' up.
1122
01:22:40,149 --> 01:22:43,814
Do you know we are in the middle
of a worldwide sexual revolution?
1123
01:22:43,945 --> 01:22:46,778
Why, Miss Mona's ain't obscene,
it's just obsolete.
1124
01:22:46,905 --> 01:22:50,026
She ain't got a handful
of supporters left, Ed Earl.
1125
01:22:50,285 --> 01:22:55,244
All this publicity's makin' folks think twice
about signin' that petition.
1126
01:22:55,373 --> 01:23:00,283
Why can't that station in Houston look at
the cesspool in their own back yard?
1127
01:23:00,417 --> 01:23:03,421
How about Austin?
Two blocks from the state capitol...
1128
01:23:03,546 --> 01:23:07,048
...you can have anything done to you
that you can get in Tangiers!
1129
01:23:07,177 --> 01:23:09,549
There's naked massages, tongue baths...
1130
01:23:09,679 --> 01:23:12,169
...somebody ticklin' your ass with a feather.
1131
01:23:12,307 --> 01:23:16,257
If you know that for a fact,
Mr Newspaper Editor...
1132
01:23:16,395 --> 01:23:18,435
...it's your duty to expose it!
1133
01:23:18,564 --> 01:23:23,476
Now, you see here, CJ! I don't give
a damn if folks want their ass tickled!
1134
01:23:23,610 --> 01:23:27,110
I kinda like to think that
that's what heaven is all about.
1135
01:23:29,576 --> 01:23:33,406
Boys, I got myself
a pretty good bullshit detector.
1136
01:23:33,538 --> 01:23:38,247
I can tell when somebody's peein' on
my boots and tellin' me it's a rainstorm.
1137
01:23:38,376 --> 01:23:42,076
Now, this thing's gotten way outta hand.
I don't know how.
1138
01:23:42,212 --> 01:23:45,711
- I figure there's only one thing to do.
- Close it down!
1139
01:23:46,094 --> 01:23:49,177
Nope. I'm goin' to Austin.
1140
01:23:49,304 --> 01:23:53,385
See the governor. Tell him
Miss Mona's side of the situation.
1141
01:23:54,267 --> 01:23:56,973
He sure as hell won't hear about it
from anybody here.
1142
01:23:57,104 --> 01:24:00,554
- You can't go up and see the governor!
- He don't see anybody!
1143
01:24:00,688 --> 01:24:02,932
He'll see me.
1144
01:24:15,372 --> 01:24:19,120
Feel like the country dog in the city.
If I stand still, they screw me.
1145
01:24:19,250 --> 01:24:21,825
- If I run, they bite me in the ass.
- (laughs)
1146
01:24:22,839 --> 01:24:25,210
I... I wish...
1147
01:24:25,343 --> 01:24:27,878
...there was somethin' I could do.
1148
01:24:28,011 --> 01:24:30,049
Thank you.
1149
01:24:32,683 --> 01:24:36,182
They want me to close her down,
run her out of town.
1150
01:24:39,855 --> 01:24:43,770
How can I ask her to leave,
when all I want her to do is stay?
1151
01:25:04,131 --> 01:25:09,337
Ladies and gentlemen,
His Excellency, the Governor of Texas.
1152
01:25:12,347 --> 01:25:16,927
My friends, I want to thank you for that
sincere and heartwarming ovation.
1153
01:25:17,062 --> 01:25:19,101
No questions, please.
1154
01:25:19,230 --> 01:25:22,562
Governor, what do you think of
the crisis in the Middle East?
1155
01:25:22,693 --> 01:25:26,737
I was sayin' at the weekly prayer
breakfast in this historic capitol...
1156
01:25:26,863 --> 01:25:29,188
...that it behooves
the Jews and the Arabs...
1157
01:25:29,322 --> 01:25:33,156
...to settle their differences
in a christian manner.
1158
01:25:33,285 --> 01:25:37,864
Have you seen the evidence of the
disgraceful situation at the Chicken Ranch?
1159
01:25:40,293 --> 01:25:44,753
} Fellow Texans, I am proudly
1160
01:25:45,259 --> 01:25:49,633
} Standing here to humbly say
1161
01:25:50,639 --> 01:25:52,678
} I assure you
1162
01:25:52,806 --> 01:25:54,965
} And I mean it
1163
01:25:55,100 --> 01:25:59,846
} Now, who says I don't speak out
as plain as day?
1164
01:25:59,980 --> 01:26:02,020
} And fellow Texans
1165
01:26:02,817 --> 01:26:06,398
} I'm for progress and the flag
1166
01:26:06,528 --> 01:26:09,695
} Long may it fly
1167
01:26:11,033 --> 01:26:14,730
} I'm a poor boy
come to greatness
1168
01:26:16,663 --> 01:26:20,282
} So it follows
that I cannot tell a lie
1169
01:26:21,960 --> 01:26:25,876
- What the hell did he say?
- Same as usual. Not a damn thing.
1170
01:26:30,345 --> 01:26:33,678
} Ooh, I love to dance
a little sidestep
1171
01:26:34,099 --> 01:26:37,267
} Now they see me, now they don't,
I've come and gone
1172
01:26:37,393 --> 01:26:41,143
} And ooh, I love to sweep
around the wide step
1173
01:26:41,565 --> 01:26:44,729
} Cut a little swath
and lead the people on
1174
01:26:48,864 --> 01:26:50,489
- Governor!
- Yeah.
1175
01:26:50,616 --> 01:26:53,866
- Jerry Rogers of the Houston Post.
- Hi, Jerry.
1176
01:26:53,995 --> 01:26:57,994
Governor, do you plan to take action
against the Chicken Ranch?
1177
01:26:58,124 --> 01:27:01,709
} Now, my good friends,
it behooves me
1178
01:27:02,002 --> 01:27:04,789
} To be solemn and declare
1179
01:27:05,798 --> 01:27:08,667
} I'm for goodness and for profit
1180
01:27:09,594 --> 01:27:13,178
} And for living clean
and saying daily prayer
1181
01:27:13,305 --> 01:27:16,638
} And now, my good friends,
you can sleep nights
1182
01:27:17,183 --> 01:27:20,268
} I'll continue to stand tall
1183
01:27:20,980 --> 01:27:24,101
} You can trust me
for I promise
1184
01:27:24,777 --> 01:27:28,689
} I shall keep a watchful eye
upon y'all
1185
01:27:32,408 --> 01:27:35,861
- Did you get that?
- I hear him talkin', but he don't come in.
1186
01:27:36,705 --> 01:27:40,075
} Ooh, I love to dance
a little sidestep
1187
01:27:40,542 --> 01:27:43,792
} Now they see me, now they don't,
I've come and gone
1188
01:27:43,921 --> 01:27:47,750
} And ooh, I love to sweep
around the wide step
1189
01:27:48,094 --> 01:27:51,260
} Cut a little swath
and lead the people on
1190
01:27:52,681 --> 01:27:55,884
There he is. Come on, boys.
Governor! Governor.
1191
01:27:56,476 --> 01:27:58,717
Melvin P Thorpe,
Watchdog News.
1192
01:27:58,936 --> 01:28:02,142
Why has the Chicken Ranch operation
been so long ignored?
1193
01:28:02,272 --> 01:28:04,313
We have acoustic problems in here.
1194
01:28:04,443 --> 01:28:09,069
- Aren't you afraid of payoffs and bribes?
- Melvin, I'm sorry.
1195
01:28:09,196 --> 01:28:11,949
Enough pussyfootin', Governor.
What will you do...
1196
01:28:12,075 --> 01:28:14,648
...about Miss Mona and the Chicken Ranch?
1197
01:28:25,716 --> 01:28:29,794
} Now Miss Mona,
I don't know her
1198
01:28:30,470 --> 01:28:34,929
} Though I've heard the name,
oh, yes
1199
01:28:36,015 --> 01:28:39,599
} But of course I have
no close contact
1200
01:28:40,144 --> 01:28:44,724
} So what she is doin'
I can only guess
1201
01:28:44,858 --> 01:28:46,897
} And now Miss Mona
1202
01:28:47,321 --> 01:28:53,905
} She's a blemish
on the face of that good town
1203
01:28:57,121 --> 01:28:59,956
} I am takin' certain steps here
1204
01:29:00,751 --> 01:29:04,581
} Someone somewhere's
gonna have to close her down
1205
01:29:08,094 --> 01:29:09,667
Can you believe that man?
1206
01:29:09,801 --> 01:29:12,804
- Is that a yes or a no?
- That's a possible maybe.
1207
01:29:14,556 --> 01:29:17,974
} Ooh, I love to dance
a little sidestep
1208
01:29:18,269 --> 01:29:21,555
} Now they see me, now they don't,
I've come and gone
1209
01:29:21,688 --> 01:29:25,559
} And ooh, I love to sweep
around the wide step
1210
01:29:25,985 --> 01:29:28,939
} Cut a little swath
and lead the people on
1211
01:29:29,822 --> 01:29:33,109
} Ooh, I love to dance
a little sidestep
1212
01:29:37,371 --> 01:29:40,703
} Ooh, I love to sweep
around the wide step
1213
01:29:48,760 --> 01:29:54,216
} Cut a little swath
and lead the people on
1214
01:30:01,103 --> 01:30:05,233
Governor? I have Sheriff Dodd from Gilbert
waiting outside to see you.
1215
01:30:05,358 --> 01:30:09,142
He's been here since early this morning
and is very insistent.
1216
01:30:09,280 --> 01:30:11,686
Swearin' Sheriff Dodd?
The one on TV?
1217
01:30:11,825 --> 01:30:13,699
No, no, no, no...
1218
01:30:13,827 --> 01:30:15,699
Hi, Sheriff!
1219
01:30:15,827 --> 01:30:18,200
Just talkin' about you.
How are ya?
1220
01:30:18,331 --> 01:30:21,247
Governor, I know I'm way outta line
comin' up here...
1221
01:30:21,377 --> 01:30:24,540
...but before you close the Chicken Ranch
you must know the facts.
1222
01:30:24,669 --> 01:30:27,756
I haven't made that decision!
My aides are workin' on that.
1223
01:30:27,883 --> 01:30:32,381
Well, the Chicken Ranch has been
in my county since before I was born.
1224
01:30:32,722 --> 01:30:37,098
Its doors have been open to soldiers
and presidents and farmers.
1225
01:30:37,935 --> 01:30:42,015
Even governors who can remember
what a great institution it is.
1226
01:30:42,856 --> 01:30:45,430
- No need to bring that up.
- I ain't threatenin' you.
1227
01:30:45,567 --> 01:30:48,401
Whatever you say, I'll do.
But think of the people.
1228
01:30:48,529 --> 01:30:51,897
I've known Miss Mona for 12 years.
You'll never meet a finer woman.
1229
01:30:52,033 --> 01:30:55,237
She never refuses a charity.
The whole town likes her.
1230
01:30:55,369 --> 01:30:58,986
Hospital fund, new swimmin' pool,
even the Little Leaguers.
1231
01:30:59,123 --> 01:31:03,121
She bought 'em uniforms so they wouldn't
have to play in their overalls.
1232
01:31:03,253 --> 01:31:05,292
Well...
1233
01:31:06,130 --> 01:31:09,415
I wasn't aware of her civic generosity.
1234
01:31:11,345 --> 01:31:14,298
- But the law is the law!
- Sometimes it's gotta be changed.
1235
01:31:14,430 --> 01:31:18,345
I been fightin' crime all my life,
but let's not confuse crime with sin.
1236
01:31:18,476 --> 01:31:22,723
You can't legislate morality.
Those girls have never caused any trouble.
1237
01:31:22,856 --> 01:31:25,939
They're healthy, taxpayin',
law-abidin' citizens...
1238
01:31:26,066 --> 01:31:29,851
...who supply a demand and provide
an economic asset to the community.
1239
01:31:29,987 --> 01:31:32,229
Whew! Ed Earl!
1240
01:31:33,241 --> 01:31:36,527
You ever think about
runnin' for office? Huh?
1241
01:31:36,661 --> 01:31:42,450
I swear, you make that whorehouse sound
like a damn nonprofit recreational facility.
1242
01:31:42,585 --> 01:31:47,743
Governor, if the citizens who elected me
found it necessary to close it down...
1243
01:31:47,882 --> 01:31:49,541
...I would close it down.
1244
01:31:49,675 --> 01:31:52,382
If Miss Mona and the girls
that work for her...
1245
01:31:52,511 --> 01:31:55,799
...were jeopardisin' the health
or morals of the community...
1246
01:31:55,931 --> 01:31:57,555
...I would close it down.
1247
01:31:57,685 --> 01:32:01,431
If the place was just a piddlin' nuisance,
an eyesore, a fire hazard...
1248
01:32:01,562 --> 01:32:04,099
...I would close it down!
But there's nothin'!
1249
01:32:04,230 --> 01:32:06,688
No reason except the goddamn cries...
1250
01:32:06,816 --> 01:32:10,601
...of a muckrakin' sensationalist
on television.
1251
01:32:10,739 --> 01:32:14,272
Here they are, Governor.
What you've been waitin' for.
1252
01:32:16,037 --> 01:32:18,074
Oh, I'm sorry, Ed Earl.
1253
01:32:18,203 --> 01:32:22,036
The Chicken Ranch loses,
42 to 37, with 21% undecided.
1254
01:32:22,167 --> 01:32:23,827
- What is that?
- The polls.
1255
01:32:23,960 --> 01:32:26,747
You can't expect me
to go against the polls.
1256
01:32:26,881 --> 01:32:29,714
Melvin still outside?
Maybe I can catch the cameras.
1257
01:32:29,841 --> 01:32:33,378
- Good seein' ya.
- But it's not what my people want.
1258
01:32:34,011 --> 01:32:36,763
Show's over, Sheriff.
Close it down!
1259
01:32:46,524 --> 01:32:48,434
- (crowd) Hooray!
- Ha-ha!
1260
01:32:51,365 --> 01:32:54,318
} Melvin Thorpe
has done it once again
1261
01:32:54,450 --> 01:32:58,071
} He's shone his light and now we see
1262
01:32:58,872 --> 01:33:01,872
} Melvin Thorpe will go
through thick and thin
1263
01:33:02,000 --> 01:33:05,499
} And lead us on to victory
1264
01:33:06,547 --> 01:33:09,879
} Ooh, I love to dance
a little sidestep
1265
01:33:10,300 --> 01:33:13,634
} Now they see me, now they don't,
I've come and gone
1266
01:33:13,762 --> 01:33:17,381
} And ooh, I love to sweep
around the wide step
1267
01:33:17,976 --> 01:33:21,141
} Cut a little swath
and lead the people on
1268
01:33:21,604 --> 01:33:24,640
} Melvin Thorpe
has done it once again
1269
01:33:24,776 --> 01:33:28,309
} He's shone his light and now we see
1270
01:33:29,152 --> 01:33:32,071
} Melvin Thorpe will go
through thick and thin
1271
01:33:32,198 --> 01:33:36,147
} And lead us on to victory
1272
01:33:37,536 --> 01:33:40,621
} Melvin Thorpe
has done it once again
1273
01:33:40,747 --> 01:33:44,699
} He's shone his light and now we see
1274
01:33:44,833 --> 01:33:48,499
I'd love to see
that sheriff's face right now!
1275
01:33:49,089 --> 01:33:52,423
That Chicken Ranch
is gonna get it in the neck!
1276
01:33:53,054 --> 01:33:56,386
And Miss Mona, she's gonna get hers too.
1277
01:34:00,101 --> 01:34:03,020
} Melvin Thorpe will go
through thick and thin
1278
01:34:03,146 --> 01:34:10,395
} And lead us all to victory
1279
01:34:13,698 --> 01:34:15,940
(Ed Earl) Sorry son of a bitch.
1280
01:34:33,720 --> 01:34:36,294
(phone rings)
1281
01:34:50,653 --> 01:34:52,731
Hello.
1282
01:34:52,866 --> 01:34:55,153
Mona, this is an official call.
1283
01:34:56,118 --> 01:34:58,953
As the Sheriff of Lanville County,
it's my duty...
1284
01:34:59,079 --> 01:35:02,201
Why don't you just get to the point,
Sheriff?
1285
01:35:03,541 --> 01:35:06,577
- I gotta close you down.
- I see.
1286
01:35:08,631 --> 01:35:10,756
How long do we have?
1287
01:35:10,882 --> 01:35:13,257
Be better to do it
as soon as possible.
1288
01:35:15,764 --> 01:35:18,134
I understand.
1289
01:35:18,265 --> 01:35:20,306
Mona.
1290
01:35:21,103 --> 01:35:23,343
About the other night.
1291
01:35:25,064 --> 01:35:27,308
I lost my temper.
1292
01:35:28,526 --> 01:35:31,100
I said some things
I shouldn't have said.
1293
01:35:32,531 --> 01:35:34,570
I want to apologise.
1294
01:35:34,700 --> 01:35:36,694
Oh, it's all right, Ed Earl.
1295
01:35:36,827 --> 01:35:40,327
I think we both said
a whole lot of things we regret.
1296
01:35:40,457 --> 01:35:42,412
If there's anything I can do...
1297
01:35:42,541 --> 01:35:46,077
No, thank you.
I think you've done all you could.
1298
01:35:46,212 --> 01:35:48,251
I have to tell my girls.
1299
01:36:16,909 --> 01:36:18,949
(bell)
1300
01:36:22,415 --> 01:36:24,657
Well, the news has come.
1301
01:36:25,503 --> 01:36:27,791
Just got a call from the sheriff...
1302
01:36:27,923 --> 01:36:29,915
...and we are closed down.
1303
01:36:30,048 --> 01:36:32,089
Immediately and permanently.
1304
01:36:33,927 --> 01:36:36,680
Oh... What'll we do?
1305
01:36:37,515 --> 01:36:40,682
Well... Las Vegas, here I come.
1306
01:36:41,060 --> 01:36:44,890
Damn! I thought when the sheriff
went to speak to the governor...
1307
01:36:45,019 --> 01:36:48,022
...we'd get a reprieve.
- What did you say?
1308
01:36:48,526 --> 01:36:52,987
- Didn't you know about that, Miss Mona?
- He drove up last night.
1309
01:36:53,116 --> 01:36:56,814
The whole town's talkin' about
the way he fought for you.
1310
01:36:56,951 --> 01:36:59,159
Didn't he tell you that?
1311
01:36:59,288 --> 01:37:01,778
No. No, he didn't.
1312
01:37:32,072 --> 01:37:35,854
} Hey, maybe I'll dye my hair
1313
01:37:38,035 --> 01:37:40,489
} Maybe I'll move somewhere
1314
01:37:40,622 --> 01:37:42,661
} Maybe I'll get a car
1315
01:37:43,040 --> 01:37:48,166
} Maybe I'll drive so far
they'll all lose track
1316
01:37:48,589 --> 01:37:51,873
} Me, I'll bounce right back
1317
01:37:52,841 --> 01:37:54,999
} Maybe I'll sleep real late
1318
01:37:57,766 --> 01:37:59,923
} Maybe I'll lose some weight
1319
01:38:00,308 --> 01:38:02,551
} Maybe I'll clear my junk
1320
01:38:02,686 --> 01:38:08,144
} Maybe I'll just get drunk
on apple wine
1321
01:38:08,356 --> 01:38:14,110
} Me, I'll be just fine and dandy
1322
01:38:14,406 --> 01:38:18,784
} Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas
1323
01:38:19,036 --> 01:38:23,579
} I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow
1324
01:38:23,833 --> 01:38:28,411
} But still I won't let
sorrow bring me way down
1325
01:38:28,923 --> 01:38:33,085
} I'll be fine and dandy
1326
01:38:33,761 --> 01:38:38,175
} Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas
1327
01:38:38,307 --> 01:38:42,719
} I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow
1328
01:38:43,061 --> 01:38:48,480
} But still I won't let
sorrow bring me way down
1329
01:38:51,777 --> 01:38:55,644
} Hey, maybe I'll learn to sew
1330
01:38:57,243 --> 01:39:00,694
} Hey, maybe I'll just lie low
1331
01:39:00,831 --> 01:39:02,987
} Maybe I'll hit the bars
1332
01:39:03,122 --> 01:39:08,247
} Maybe I'll count the stars
until the dawn
1333
01:39:08,796 --> 01:39:12,543
} Me, I will go on
1334
01:39:12,926 --> 01:39:15,381
} Maybe I'll settle down
1335
01:39:17,722 --> 01:39:20,011
} Maybe I'll just leave town
1336
01:39:20,142 --> 01:39:22,264
} Maybe I'll have some fun
1337
01:39:22,599 --> 01:39:27,512
} Maybe I'll meet someone
and make him mine
1338
01:39:27,941 --> 01:39:33,563
} Me, I'll be just fine and dandy
1339
01:39:34,030 --> 01:39:38,277
} Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas
1340
01:39:38,494 --> 01:39:42,989
} I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow
1341
01:39:43,206 --> 01:39:47,785
} But still I won't let
sorrow bring me way down
1342
01:39:48,253 --> 01:39:52,500
} I'll be fine and dandy
1343
01:39:52,968 --> 01:39:57,426
} Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas
1344
01:39:57,554 --> 01:40:01,966
} I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow
1345
01:40:02,267 --> 01:40:06,728
} But still I won't let
sorrow bring me way down
1346
01:40:09,567 --> 01:40:13,695
} I'll be fine and dandy
1347
01:40:14,280 --> 01:40:18,526
} Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas
1348
01:40:18,868 --> 01:40:23,280
} I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow
1349
01:40:23,538 --> 01:40:28,166
} But still I won't let
sorrow bring me way down
1350
01:40:50,026 --> 01:40:54,272
} I'll be fine
1351
01:40:54,821 --> 01:40:59,069
} I'll be fine
1352
01:40:59,702 --> 01:41:04,911
} I'll be fine
1353
01:41:19,306 --> 01:41:23,885
So the girls left, and it was
a sorry day for Lanville County.
1354
01:41:26,979 --> 01:41:29,019
Kinda like the end of an era.
1355
01:41:29,524 --> 01:41:32,524
You know, like when you graduate
from high school?
1356
01:41:32,656 --> 01:41:35,024
Things are just never the same again.
1357
01:41:37,200 --> 01:41:40,403
Ed Earl's up in the state legislature now...
1358
01:41:40,536 --> 01:41:42,778
...and I became the sheriff.
1359
01:41:49,462 --> 01:41:52,167
I suppose you're wonderin'
what happened to Miss Mona.
1360
01:41:52,298 --> 01:41:55,881
Well, Ed Earl drove up there
on her last day.
1361
01:42:12,069 --> 01:42:14,440
- Hey, Sheriff.
- Good morning, Jewel.
1362
01:42:14,573 --> 01:42:18,072
I'm so pleased to see you.
I knew you couldn't let me leave...
1363
01:42:18,200 --> 01:42:21,320
...without a sweet goodbye
for your old Porky.
1364
01:42:23,747 --> 01:42:26,203
- Goodbye, Jewel.
- Goodbye, Sheriff.
1365
01:42:26,333 --> 01:42:29,371
I sure hope you come up north
to visit Miss Mona and me.
1366
01:42:29,503 --> 01:42:31,744
- Where is she?
- Inside.
1367
01:42:33,885 --> 01:42:36,587
See you're takin' the old juke with you.
1368
01:42:36,719 --> 01:42:40,550
Now, you know I couldn't leave
without my bell and my box.
1369
01:43:24,228 --> 01:43:26,765
Ed Earl?
1370
01:43:28,439 --> 01:43:31,191
This old place looks
kinda funny, don't it?
1371
01:43:31,650 --> 01:43:36,856
Ben Sawtuck bought all my furniture and
Langston downtown's gonna sell the rest.
1372
01:43:41,743 --> 01:43:45,611
- Mona, I wanna tell you somethin'.
- I want you to thank your boys for me.
1373
01:43:45,749 --> 01:43:50,743
Those reporters would have got outta hand
if it hadn't been for your deputies.
1374
01:43:52,381 --> 01:43:55,466
- You know me better than...
- Ed Earl, the thing to do...
1375
01:43:55,592 --> 01:43:59,505
...is to put this whole thing behind you
just as quick as you can.
1376
01:43:59,638 --> 01:44:02,973
I've made a little money, I've laughed,
I've danced to the music.
1377
01:44:03,100 --> 01:44:06,218
It's just time to pay the fiddler, that's all.
1378
01:44:08,772 --> 01:44:11,857
Mona, we've been together a long time.
1379
01:44:11,985 --> 01:44:15,519
Sometimes I think you know me
better than I know myself.
1380
01:44:16,865 --> 01:44:19,236
You know how hard
this is for me to say.
1381
01:44:21,451 --> 01:44:23,491
I love you.
1382
01:44:25,499 --> 01:44:27,489
Will you marry me?
1383
01:44:27,624 --> 01:44:31,160
Oh, Ed Earl, I've loved you
since I was 16 years old.
1384
01:44:31,711 --> 01:44:34,583
But I've thought about this
for a long time.
1385
01:44:34,716 --> 01:44:37,086
And as much as I'd love
for it to work...
1386
01:44:37,218 --> 01:44:40,719
...I know deep down in my heart
it ain't never gonna be.
1387
01:44:40,847 --> 01:44:43,681
- Didn't you hear what I said?
- I did, darlin'.
1388
01:44:43,810 --> 01:44:46,430
But it's gonna always be
just like it is.
1389
01:44:47,103 --> 01:44:49,974
There just ain't no way
in this world it can work.
1390
01:44:50,689 --> 01:44:53,895
We could make it work.
Just have to give it a chance.
1391
01:44:55,988 --> 01:45:00,815
} If I should stay
1392
01:45:02,411 --> 01:45:07,618
} Well, I would only be in your way
1393
01:45:09,377 --> 01:45:12,461
} And so I'll go
1394
01:45:13,049 --> 01:45:16,133
} And yet I know
1395
01:45:16,844 --> 01:45:22,086
} That I'll think of you
each step of the way
1396
01:45:24,767 --> 01:45:27,806
} And I
1397
01:45:28,479 --> 01:45:33,770
} Will always love you
1398
01:45:33,901 --> 01:45:38,694
} I will always
1399
01:45:38,824 --> 01:45:43,237
} Love you
1400
01:45:46,081 --> 01:45:50,909
} Bittersweet memories
1401
01:45:53,173 --> 01:45:58,248
} I guess that's all
I'll be takin' with me
1402
01:46:01,015 --> 01:46:03,052
} Goodbye
1403
01:46:03,432 --> 01:46:05,673
} Oh, please, don't cry
1404
01:46:06,977 --> 01:46:14,440
} Cos we both know
that I'm not what you need
1405
01:46:14,903 --> 01:46:17,738
} But I
1406
01:46:18,114 --> 01:46:23,701
} Will always love you
1407
01:46:23,831 --> 01:46:28,241
} I will always
1408
01:46:28,709 --> 01:46:32,835
} Love you
1409
01:46:38,345 --> 01:46:40,883
I know you're gonna get your dream.
1410
01:46:41,682 --> 01:46:45,513
And I know you're gonna do
a real good job in the legislature.
1411
01:46:46,685 --> 01:46:49,852
- But if you was to marry me...
- Wait a second.
1412
01:46:50,648 --> 01:46:52,937
I love you.
1413
01:46:53,651 --> 01:46:56,356
I don't give a damn what people say.
1414
01:47:02,117 --> 01:47:03,363
Jewel! Hold it right there!
1415
01:47:03,496 --> 01:47:05,535
What's that, Sheriff?
1416
01:47:08,210 --> 01:47:11,079
- Which one of them bags is hers?
- That one.
1417
01:47:11,921 --> 01:47:14,838
And that one there, there...
1418
01:47:22,515 --> 01:47:24,390
Oh, Sheriff!
1419
01:47:27,311 --> 01:47:29,885
I always knew you'd come through!
1420
01:47:44,995 --> 01:47:47,036
Whoa!
1421
01:48:44,560 --> 01:48:48,638
(Fred) Well, that's pretty darn close
to the way it happened.
1422
01:48:48,770 --> 01:48:52,519
The old Watchdog, Melvin P Thorpe,
got what he wanted.
1423
01:48:53,609 --> 01:48:57,228
Miss Mona married Ed Earl,
and they got what they wanted.
1424
01:48:58,154 --> 01:49:02,483
And the people of Texas,
well, they got what they wanted:
1425
01:49:02,618 --> 01:49:06,827
Another legend.
The legend of the Chicken Ranch.
1426
01:49:07,873 --> 01:49:11,124
} It's just a little bitty
pissant country place
1427
01:49:11,378 --> 01:49:13,003
} Nothin' much to see
1428
01:49:13,128 --> 01:49:15,800
} No drinkin' allowed
we get a nice quiet crowd
1429
01:49:15,925 --> 01:49:17,205
} Plain as it can be
1430
01:49:17,341 --> 01:49:20,794
} It's just a piddly, squattin'
old-time country place
1431
01:49:20,929 --> 01:49:22,554
} Nothin' too high-toned
1432
01:49:22,680 --> 01:49:24,924
} Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
1433
01:49:25,059 --> 01:49:26,718
} But there's nothin' dirty goin' on
1434
01:49:26,852 --> 01:49:30,269
} It's just a little bitty
pissant country place
1435
01:49:30,395 --> 01:49:32,022
} Nothin' much to see
1436
01:49:32,149 --> 01:49:34,687
} No drinkin' allowed,
we get a nice quiet crowd
1437
01:49:34,820 --> 01:49:36,278
} Plain as it can be
1438
01:49:36,404 --> 01:49:39,688
} It's just a piddly, squattin'
old-time country place
1439
01:49:39,823 --> 01:49:41,532
} Nothin' too high-toned
1440
01:49:41,661 --> 01:49:43,781
} Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
1441
01:49:44,037 --> 01:49:46,159
} Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
1442
01:49:46,415 --> 01:49:48,572
} Just lots of goodwill
and maybe one small thrill
1443
01:49:48,708 --> 01:49:50,416
} But there's nothin' dirty goin' on
1444
01:49:53,631 --> 01:49:55,255
} Nothin' dirty goin' on
1445
01:49:56,425 --> 01:49:58,667
Y'all come back now, you hear?