1
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,560
Hey, hey. If you're coming in
for the morning grind...
2
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:50,405
...it's another brutal Monday out there
traffic-wise.
3
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:54,326
The 2 is slow-and-go to the 5.
A Sig Alert is bogging down the l-10.
4
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:58,405
And if you're on the 405 freeway,
you're probably already late for work.
5
00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:02,326
If your boss gives you a hard time about it,
have him come down here and talk to...
6
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:03,527
...Rachel.
MIKE: Oh, no.
7
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:04,727
[ALL LAUGHING]
8
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:07,406
Zing! Ha, ha. Thanks, Skip.
9
00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:10,086
But, hey, speaking of bosses,
after the break...
10
00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:14,962
...we get to meet three guys who are chasing
their dream of becoming their own bosses.
11
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:16,167
Stay with us.
12
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:19,642
And we're out. Very good, guys.
We're back in 90 seconds.
13
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,882
[CHATTERING]
14
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,521
Jesus Christ.
Dale, you gotta stop sweating, pal.
15
00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:28,763
- Oh, wow, you are wet.
- "Stop sweating." How do I stop sweating?
16
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,491
This is a big deal.
We got everything riding on this.
17
00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:35,326
We've quit our jobs, I have three children
to think about now. How about that?
18
00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:39,166
Think about this. You do a good job now,
you're gonna make your boys very proud.
19
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:43,530
- Girls. I have three girls, dude.
- Hmm? Right. You can't even tell at that age.
20
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,047
- They basically look like potatoes with arms.
- Don't call my kids potatoes.
21
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,049
DALE: Respect the kids.
- Don't piss him off.
22
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:49,645
- They wear pink!
- Calm him down.
23
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,404
A lot of guys wear pink.
24
00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,722
- I have a pink polo shirt that I love.
- Come on.
25
00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,764
- Can we get a roll of paper towels?
- Can I get paper towels?!
26
00:01:56,920 --> 00:02:00,242
Why are you barking at people?
He's saying please, you're just barking.
27
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,129
- Bad manners.
- Buddy, dry your face.
28
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:04,089
- He's freaking out.
- It's unbelievable.
29
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,483
DALE: Can you go on without me?
- Why don't you wait in the car?
30
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,007
Stop, this is gonna be easy.
You have to calm down.
31
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:14,006
Look, Nick's gonna hit them with facts
and figures, because he's the brains, right?
32
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:17,801
You talk about how you and your wife fucked
and made three potatoes with arms.
33
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,964
You're the heart. Me,
I'll do my thing, get in where I fit in.
34
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,242
- You're the soul?
- No, I'm the dick and balls.
35
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,323
- Got it.
- Why would I wanna be the soul?
36
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:28,882
- Just don't pass out. Just keep breathing.
- See? This will be easy.
37
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:32,641
- All we have to do is be ourselves.
- Let's not. Ourselves is a Dumpster fire.
38
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:37,089
- Let's be better. Let's try to elevate a little.
- That's a good note. Nobody be themselves.
39
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,163
All right, we're back in 20 seconds.
40
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:41,129
Hey, fellas, thanks for coming.
41
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:44,363
- Nice to meet you.
- Good morning. How are you?
42
00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,727
Hey, my man. There's trouble.
43
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:48,609
- Too much.
- Well, he went with it.
44
00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,081
- Dale Arbus.
- Pleasure to meet you, man.
45
00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,447
- Thanks for coming on. This will be fun.
- Yeah.
46
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:55,250
Does that zip all the way down?
47
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,887
And we're back in five, four...
48
00:02:58,040 --> 00:02:59,166
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING]
49
00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:03,445
Get up, get up, get up, and get out
50
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,763
Ha, ha! And we're back.
You know, every week we like to highlight...
51
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,890
...local inventors and entrepreneurs
in our Big Idea Spotlight.
52
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:11,127
That's right, Mike.
53
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,203
And today we have
three modern-day...
54
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:18,208
...Edisons who've created a new shower gadget
they hope to really clean up with.
55
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:19,885
[ALL CHUCKLE]
[DALE LAUGHS FORCEFULLY]
56
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:23,647
Please, welcome Nick, Kurt and Dale.
57
00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:27,361
- Pleasure to be here.
- Before we get to the product, can you tell us...
58
00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:31,610
...what is it that inspired three regular Joes
to go into business for yourselves?
59
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,843
We were all working at pretty terrible jobs
for some awful bosses.
60
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,766
And thought if we got a chance to be
our own bosses, we'd do things differently.
61
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,126
This might be our shot.
62
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:43,403
We didn't think we'd get the chance,
but Dale had an amazing idea.
63
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:44,641
Don't go to Dale.
64
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,690
And, uh, we started meeting together
to talk about the invention...
65
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:49,808
...instead of complaining about our jobs.
66
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,291
Hey, I think that's exciting.
67
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:52,680
[BOTH LAUGH]
68
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,650
Dale, you know, I just wanna know,
where did the idea come from...
69
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,640
- ...for a new showerhead?
- I have three kids.
70
00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:58,841
[KURT SIGHS]
71
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,286
DALE:
So that's the heart.
72
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:03,011
MIKE: That's a blessing.
- Yeah, well, he has triplets.
73
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:06,289
In all honesty, it's too many.
I'm pretty overwhelmed.
74
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,647
NICK:
Well, he's got them on his mind, clearly.
75
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:10,240
NICK:
Uh, let me answer the question.
76
00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:13,563
Dale, uh, had just gotten back
from one of those self-service car washes...
77
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,803
- ...with the wand with the soap.
- It's got everything in one thing.
78
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,804
He thought, "Why don't they make
one of these for your body?"
79
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,691
After we had a few beers,
we came up with the, uh, Shower Buddy.
80
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:25,650
- The Shower Buddy?
- I'm sorry, that name's not official yet.
81
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,690
- No, he's wrong. It is official.
- I wanted the "Shower Daddy."
82
00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:32,208
- "Shower Daddy" is worse on every level.
- I have to agree with Nick.
83
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:34,488
Better than having
some strange dude with you.
84
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,883
It's not some strange dude,
as I've said many times. It's your buddy.
85
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,840
- Why would your buddy be in the shower?
- [SHOUTS] Why would your dad?
86
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,361
- Uh-oh.
- Don't scream on television.
87
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,683
You know what? How about you fellas
show us how this gizmo works?
88
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:50,731
- Right? Let's get it going. Ha, ha.
- Yes. Make it rain. Yes. Work it, work it.
89
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,883
Oh, this is awesome.
90
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:56,249
Kurt's gonna turn on the shower.
You're gonna see the water come out.
91
00:04:56,440 --> 00:05:00,729
After a bit, the shampoo's gonna automatically
be triggered out of the showerhead...
92
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,564
- No water pressure.
- The blue handle.
93
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,927
- No water pressure.
- There's a pump on the back.
94
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:08,368
- I could pump it manually.
- Dale's gonna help out. Thank you, buddy.
95
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,045
- Pump.
- You got it?
96
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:11,241
DALE: I got it.
- Yeah?
97
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,165
Water comes out,
the shampoo mixes with the water...
98
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,209
...then shortly after that, conditioner.
99
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,727
You shower in half the time
with the Shower Buddy.
100
00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:23,084
The average American... I don't know if you
know this.... spends 50 hours a week working.
101
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,486
- Hand's cramping up.
- Here, let me help.
102
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,246
- -Commuting.
If we can save you just five minutes...
103
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,006
- The whole rod's too dry, right?
KURT: Yeah, spit on it.
104
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,086
- Better?
- See, yeah. If you lube it up, it's better.
105
00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:37,605
Oh, no, absolutely.
106
00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:41,003
I'm sorry. There's a hole in the back.
I'm gonna stick my finger in it.
107
00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,687
We don't really care how you get it done.
Just get it done. Get it finished.
108
00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,729
- Whatever it takes.
- Live TV, right?
109
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,609
Live TV. What are you gonna do?
110
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,480
DALE: Yeah. Here we go.
- Oh, here it comes.
111
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,170
ALL:
Hey!
112
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,402
KURT: I told you.
DALE: Works just as promised, okay?
113
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,609
- Now, go ahead and shut it off.
- It's so cool. I want one.
114
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:01,685
You can't have this one. It's the prototype.
But we're looking for partners.
115
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:04,121
I'll tell you right now. I'm sold.
I wanna invest.
116
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,044
We got one. All right, Mike.
117
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,282
Now, how would I get in touch
with you guys?
118
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:11,728
- You go straight to Nickkurtdale.
- I'm sorry, what?
119
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,723
It's our website. Nickkurtdale. com.
120
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,807
I'm positive I'm not hearing that right.
121
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:19,009
It's our names: Nick, Kurt, Dale.
122
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,563
[IN UNISON]
Nickkurtdale.
123
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,482
Y'all gotta change that name.
124
00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:28,487
Cannot believe
we never said it out loud before.
125
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,642
It looked so good on paper.
126
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:35,010
It was a nice dream while it lasted, but I think
it's time we all go beg for our jobs back.
127
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,488
Maybe just accept the fact
that we'll always be cogs in the machine.
128
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:41,041
Wait. Cocks in the machine. What is that?
129
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,565
"Cogs." Guh.
130
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,451
You know what? You're right.
We're not boss material.
131
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:47,170
We're worker bees. We're grunts.
132
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,004
[KATY PERRY'S "ROAR"
PLAYING ON CELL PHONE]
133
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,845
Oh, boy. That song. I can't hear that now.
Just put it on vibrate.
134
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,047
- Will you stop?
- Please?
135
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,965
- I picked this song to inspire us.
- It's not inspiring me.
136
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:57,690
Look at this. Unknown caller.
137
00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:59,080
- Just answer it.
KURT: Hello?
138
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,165
Yup, this is one of the Shower Buddy guys.
Mm-hm.
139
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,963
Really? Yes. No, of course.
I know exactly who you are.
140
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:07,804
Look up "Boulder Stream." Boulder Stream.
141
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,611
Uh-huh. Thank you.
We're very proud of the product.
142
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,889
- E-mail us the details, that'll be fine.
- Is that a real thing?
143
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:15,644
- Yeah, my e-mail?
- Not yours.
144
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,531
Yeah, it's phatballllz@hotmail.com.
145
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:22,924
It's P-H-A-T-B-A-L-L...
146
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:26,084
...L-L-Z...
147
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,447
...@hotmail.com.
148
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,011
Yeah. All right. Thank you. Yeah.
149
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,400
- See you tomorrow.
- Wow.
150
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,086
Holy shit.
Boulder Stream loves the Shower Buddy.
151
00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:34,765
Who the fuck is Boulder Stream?
152
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:38,288
Only one of the largest catalog retailers
in North America.
153
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,802
You're gonna hear me roar
154
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:44,280
Nice.
155
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:47,484
When you're in a good mood,
it's a good song. Bad mood, bad song.
156
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,051
That's art. That's good art.
157
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:54,728
DALE: Man, this place is legit.
KURT: Yeah, it's nice.
158
00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:58,521
- Did you see the free cookies?
- Yeah, you clearly have. That's four of those.
159
00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:02,082
- You're gonna have chocolate on your face.
KURT: When we meet this guy...
160
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:05,369
...when you shake his hand,
use your other hand and touch his elbow.
161
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:08,171
- It's a classy move.
- I don't know this move. Let me see.
162
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:09,924
- Like that.
- Please, both sit down.
163
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:11,889
- That's nice.
- How about that? Not bad.
164
00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,611
- That's really good.
- You got chocolate on your fingers.
165
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:15,961
Now it's on my jacket.
166
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,964
- Put water on it.
- I don't need water. That will set it.
167
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,283
- Get the cookie away from me.
DALE: No, it's like a fire-on-fire thing.
168
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:23,561
No, the water will set it.
169
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,246
Ha! There they are.
There are my shower buddies.
170
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,930
How are you? In the flesh.
171
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:31,402
It's just like on that morning show.
You're always fighting. I love it.
172
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,005
- Yeah, it's a...
- Rex Hanson.
173
00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:35,049
- Oh, hey. Kurt Buckman.
- Good to see you.
174
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:36,890
KURT: Nice to see you.
- Classy handshake.
175
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:38,610
- Nick Hendricks.
- Nick, pleasure.
176
00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:40,126
Hey, uh, Dale Arb... Uh...
177
00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:42,880
- Shoot. I just learned it.
- We can do it whichever way you want.
178
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:44,206
[ALL CHUCKLE]
179
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,681
KURT: Right?
- To be clear, we're not racist.
180
00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:48,524
Well, that's good. We can use that.
181
00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:51,843
Why don't we grab the refreshments, coffee?
Grab some cookies.
182
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:55,209
Let's head upstairs. Let's talk
about this product. Is that corduroy?
183
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,728
Step inside. Dreams do come true.
184
00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:00,484
You guys want something to drink?
185
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:01,966
KURT: I'll take one.
DALE: Sure.
186
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,726
- No. It's very early.
- No for us. Sorry.
187
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:08,805
I'm gonna cut right to it, gentlemen.
The Shower Buddy: a home run.
188
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,361
Well, Mr. Hanson, we couldn't be happier...
189
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:14,967
Mr. Hanson is my father. It's "Rex."
190
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:18,010
Please, sit down. Get comfortable.
Take a seat.
191
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:22,330
We want you to know that we are a company you
can be very proud to be in business with.
192
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:26,405
- Our workers are all gonna have health care...
- I don't really give a shit about that.
193
00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:29,325
Do you see this?
This is Jimi Hendrix's actual guitar.
194
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:33,520
Heh, yeah. The one he did the fire and fingers
thing with. You like cool shit like this?
195
00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:35,523
- We love cool shit.
- I'm into cool shit.
196
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:38,166
- You like fucking samurais?
- Samurais? Sure.
197
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,642
I knew you did. Get into business with me,
you're gonna have fucking loads of it.
198
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:46,124
- So you are offering to carry our product...?
- Wait a minute. Check this out.
199
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,487
Miss Lang, will you come in here a moment?
200
00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:49,971
Now what?
201
00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:52,891
Jesus fucking Christ.
202
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,651
Sweetheart, we were racking our brains.
What's a beer can made out of?
203
00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:59,251
Do you mean aluminum?
204
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,726
- That'll be all, Miss Lang. Thank you.
- Okay.
205
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:06,245
And where does she go now?
206
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:10,007
Now, that is the kind of cool shit
you have to look forward to.
207
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,243
Best part about this deal:
you're not gonna have to lift a finger.
208
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,131
My company will assume
all future product development...
209
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,009
...outsource manufacturing to China...
210
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,731
...and you receive a handsome one-time
development fee.
211
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:24,168
- I wanna dig in on the one-time fee because...
- You see this football?
212
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:28,245
This is the one Peyton Manning threw and
the guy caught it in his helmet. Keep it.
213
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:33,163
You know, Rex, the one-time fee thing, we're
not looking to give up control of the company.
214
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:36,887
Right. We wanna handle all the manufacturing
and you guys do distribution.
215
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,646
What, you manufacture? Here, in America?
216
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,007
- That's the plan.
- The American-dream thing.
217
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,761
Boys, I hate to break it to you,
but the American dream, it's made in China.
218
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:48,366
Now, look, I respect your Naïveté, uh...
219
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:51,763
...but I'm afraid that this deal
only happens one way.
220
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,962
I did say "handsome fee," right?
221
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,930
Can I have one minute?
Just love to talk to my partners.
222
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,765
You got it. Take your time.
I'll be over here.
223
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:03,281
- Oh, boy.
DALE: Man.
224
00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:05,841
- What do you think?
- I didn't wanna say anything...
225
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,241
...but he means Eli Manning,
not Peyton Manning.
226
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:12,246
- Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. Kurt.
- I think she has an amazing fucking body...
227
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:15,489
...but that accent puts her over the top.
It's insane. That dress.
228
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,722
Agreed on both points. How about the deal?
229
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,962
- The deal. Gotta take it.
- We should take it.
230
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,521
- Take the money and get out.
- He's got cool shit.
231
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:25,445
- Imagine having your own cool shit.
- But look at this place.
232
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:28,171
I mean, these guys make loads of money
selling stuff...
233
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,687
...and he just called our Shower Buddy
a home run.
234
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:34,367
- Why sell a home run for a one-time fee?
- That's a good point.
235
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,330
I don't know. I could use the
money for Stacy and the girls.
236
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,926
That's a good point. That's true.
I could use money.
237
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,560
I get that.
But maybe it's not just about the money.
238
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:43,921
That's a good point.
239
00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:47,050
Maybe it's about never having to work
for anybody ever again.
240
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,407
KURT: That's right.
- Right? Being our own bosses.
241
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,329
- I say we bet on ourselves.
- Me too.
242
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:52,601
- You're right.
- I'm in.
243
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:53,921
I'm in. Let's do it.
244
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,367
Okay. Rex. Ahem.
245
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,329
- Uh, no deal.
DALE: Sorry.
246
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:00,687
- We're, uh, betting on ourselves.
- Is that right?
247
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:04,049
Yeah. And no hard feelings.
Honestly, we really appreciate the offer.
248
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:07,483
NICK: Sorry.
- Yeah. I can respect that.
249
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,565
Takes some serious balls to walk away
from 3 million bucks.
250
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,007
Hang on. Three million dollars?
We'll take that.
251
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:14,650
Sorry. Offer's off the table.
252
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,041
We'll take half. Half is fine.
Can we have half?
253
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,362
Ship's sailed.
Thank you so much for coming in.
254
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:22,569
Dale, I'm gonna need that ball back.
Good luck building something in America.
255
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:23,807
[DOOR OPENS]
256
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,564
BERT:
You know...
257
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:30,490
...I built this company from the bottom up
here in America.
258
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:34,765
- Dad, I didn't know you were back.
- What'd I tell you about using my office?
259
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:38,208
REX: I know, I just thought, you know...
- Bert Hanson.
260
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:39,765
You're the Shower Buddy guys?
261
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,490
- Yes, sir.
- Yeah. We are, sir.
262
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:46,441
I respect you gentlemen for wanting to roll
up your sleeves and build something...
263
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,648
...stake your claim.
264
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,406
Now, I came to this country with nothing.
265
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:56,568
And through risk and hard work,
I made my own American dream come true.
266
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:57,881
[CHUCKLES]
267
00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:01,442
- Good for you.
- Well, here's what I'm gonna do.
268
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,926
I'll refer you to my contact
at Pacific Shore National.
269
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:09,084
- That's a bank.
- They won't balk at giving you a loan...
270
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:14,644
...once they hear that Bert Hanson just has
placed an initial order of, say, um...
271
00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:18,767
...100,000 units?
272
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:21,207
- A hundred-thousand Shower Buddies?
- Whoa. Ha!
273
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,323
You're gonna make
100,000 Shower Buddies?
274
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:24,527
[DALE AND KURT LAUGH]
275
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:27,445
Dad, what are you talking about?
We never make this kind of deal.
276
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:29,766
I'm sorry, sir.
277
00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,489
But Boulder Stream needs to be
your exclusive retailer.
278
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:38,725
- Uh, let's think it over. Of course.
- We won't pick up the phone if anyone calls.
279
00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:41,491
- We have a deal?
- Yeah, you got a fucking deal.
280
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,883
- Hey, all right. There it is.
- I got his elbow. Yeah.
281
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,930
- I got some chocolate on you there.
- It doesn't matter.
282
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,890
That's great. That is good news.
283
00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:55,405
So it's 20,000 square feet,
but it's a minimum five-year lease.
284
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,251
Twenty thousand.
That sounds like a lot more than we need.
285
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:00,602
But we want something
we can grow into, right?
286
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,048
- And we have a really big order, Nick.
- Damn straight. Come on, Nick.
287
00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:06,050
- Nick. Nick.
- I don't know.
288
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:08,641
- You know, I say we take it. I say we take it.
- Yes.
289
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:10,650
- Yes, we do.
- Excellent.
290
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:12,842
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
291
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,645
You've got no work experience at all.
292
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:48,961
Is that bad?
293
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,485
Are you kidding? It's great.
294
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,325
- You're enthusiastic and you're unjaded.
- And unqualified.
295
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,642
- You know what? You're hired.
DALE: Oops.
296
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:59,646
- Really?
- That was unexpected and, uh, undeserving.
297
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,207
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
298
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:11,847
You're hired.
299
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,006
That's a yes. That's an obvious yes.
300
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,248
[LUPE LAUGHS AND CONTINUES
SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
301
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,721
DALE: Well, again, uh...
- No résumé at all.
302
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,487
Don't need it. Your eyes speak.
You seem honest.
303
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:25,687
Hold on, pal.
304
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,808
- Um, you're hired.
WOMAN: Really?
305
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,042
- I mean, if you'll have us.
- Thank you.
306
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:31,566
- Becoming faster now.
- Well...
307
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:34,644
- Can you start on Saturday evening?
GIRL: Absolutely.
308
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,450
Okay, great, I'll get ahold of you.
309
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,729
- Says here you've been convicted of a felony.
- That was bullshit.
310
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,963
Word up, though, I get that, man.
Like, pfft, I had a similar thing.
311
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:46,249
They tried to peg me as a child sex
offender. It was total bullshit.
312
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,244
Oh, yo, yo, yo.
I ain't down with no kid-fuckers.
313
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:52,404
- I'm not down with kid shit either.
KURT: Yeah, none of us are.
314
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,210
N-to-the-O, brother.
315
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,601
NICK:
We do not support that at all.
316
00:15:56,760 --> 00:16:01,641
But, you know, let's just give the guy a job.
Just... Yeah. I don't wanna upset this guy.
317
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,922
Well, tell you what, Tiffany. You're hired.
318
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,242
- I'm hired?
KURT: Yeah, you are.
319
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,886
- There you go. There you go.
TIFFANY: Oh, thank you.
320
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,771
We'll see you later. See you Monday.
Get out of here.
321
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,366
Kurt, you gotta stop hiring
hot unqualified women.
322
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,251
What's the point of being boss
if you can't stock the pond?
323
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:20,085
You realize you can't sleep
with these women?
324
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,200
- What?
- You're the boss. It's sexual harassment.
325
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:25,284
Remember sexual harassment?
I tried to kill my boss. Ring a bell?
326
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,568
I gotta fire them all now?
We just hired them.
327
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,803
You can't fire them because you're not
allowed to sleep with them.
328
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,041
Also sexual harassment.
329
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,369
Why are we even doing this, then?
330
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:38,442
All right, let's talk dress code.
331
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,850
- Forget it.
- There is no dress code.
332
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,606
NICK: Come on.
- You can dress however you want.
333
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:48,242
Whatever makes you feel comfortable...
Well, there goes a shirt. All right.
334
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:49,646
- It's a choice.
- Well...
335
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,088
That's the wrong choice, though.
Gotta wear a shirt. That's the one...
336
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,489
He's walking away from me.
He might have been a bad hire.
337
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:06,010
Who's having fun, huh?
338
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:07,286
Hey, guys.
339
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,841
Everybody seems very happy.
This was a great idea.
340
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,367
Yeah, I know.
This could be an issue, though.
341
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:17,089
NICK: It is Bring Your Kids to Work Day,
not Put Your Kids to Work Day.
342
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,527
They're not working.
They consider this playing.
343
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,485
I tried to tell them to stop,
and they started crying.
344
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,524
- They have boxed 1200 units already.
- Unethical... 1200?
345
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,523
- Yeah.
- Well, that's productive, though.
346
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,523
- Yeah.
- And they seem happy.
347
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:33,480
- Let them play another ten minutes, maybe.
- I say we let them play through lunch.
348
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,041
- Yeah. Legally I think I'll change the sign.
- Yeah.
349
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:41,968
Oh, boy. This is it.
350
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,730
Here we go. Here we go.
351
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,882
- We did it. We're at 100,000.
- We did it?
352
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,088
- Yeah.
- Let me see.
353
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:05,120
KURT:
Woo-hoo-hoo!
354
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,160
DALE: This is a great idea.
KURT: How do you think they mow this?
355
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:11,170
NICK: Sure we shouldn't have called ahead?
DALE: No. He's gonna love it.
356
00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:13,681
Cake and balloons.
Don't think that's overdoing it?
357
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:17,049
No. I think he's gonna be psyched
the order's done three days early.
358
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:20,084
I think he's gonna be flipping out
to see us out on his course.
359
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,886
I wouldn't be surprised
if he gives us a membership.
360
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:24,286
DALE: Are you serious?
- Yeah.
361
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,647
DALE:
Oh, my God. I want that.
362
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:29,761
MAN:
Yeah!
363
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,200
DALE:
Surprise. Ha, ha.
364
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:34,250
Sir, we finished your order
and it is ready to be shipped.
365
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,245
Excellent news.
366
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,529
We got you a little cake that says,
"Thanks for believing in us!"
367
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:41,961
- And some balloons of course.
- We're the "us."
368
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,600
Congratulations, boys.
What an accomplishment.
369
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,291
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
370
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,321
I'm afraid I'm gonna have
to cancel that order.
371
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:50,760
What'd he say?
372
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,400
- Sounded like he said "cancel the order."
- What?
373
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,131
DALE: Cancel what?
- Cancel the order.
374
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:57,920
Don't need it.
375
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,447
- Wait, no. That doesn't work.
- You can't do that.
376
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,410
- We went 500 grand in the hole.
DALE: We were in business.
377
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:07,287
- [WHISPERS] If you don't buy, we are ruined.
- It's a $500,000 order.
378
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:11,001
KURT: The American dream and all that.
DALE: He's gonna putt. He's just gonna putt.
379
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,131
- He makes the putt.
DALE: Can you explain what's happening?
380
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:17,204
- And why you're doing this?
- Yeah, sure. Fair question.
381
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:20,125
You see, boys, in one week
your bridge loan comes due...
382
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:21,930
...and you won't be able to pay it.
383
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:26,563
And your loan officer has assured me
no extension will be granted.
384
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,724
At that moment,
your company will go into foreclosure...
385
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:33,327
...and I will buy all of those units
at auction for pennies on the dollar.
386
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,046
Cheaper than I could have gotten them
from the Chinese.
387
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,282
- Oh, my fucking God.
- I can't believe this.
388
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:41,171
Anyway, as an added bonus,
I will also own your patent...
389
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:44,842
...and these gentlemen here will take over
manufacturing of our new product:
390
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,365
The Shower Pal.
391
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:47,965
- It's a better name too.
- It is.
392
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:49,525
- Goddamn it.
- Fucking hell.
393
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:53,082
Oh, Dad, that is a hell of a fucking play.
394
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:57,290
We should fit these guys for crowns
because they just got fucked royally.
395
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:58,487
[GRUNTS]
396
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:04,283
Rex. No call for this MTV showboating.
They're aware of their defeat.
397
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,649
In these moments,
it's more impactful to be still.
398
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,728
What about that stuff about hard work
and starting a company in America?
399
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,121
- The American dream and hard work.
- All bullshit?
400
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:17,409
You honestly think
hard work creates wealth?
401
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:18,891
[CHUCKLES]
402
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,646
The only thing that
creates wealth is wealth.
403
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,404
And we have it. You don't.
404
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:26,040
Okay. Okay. You know what?
405
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:27,241
[KURT CLEARS THROAT]
406
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,562
- Take it easy. Take it easy.
- I got it. Hey.
407
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:33,402
Listen, bucko. You don't wanna
make enemies out of us, okay?
408
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,085
[REX CHUCKLES]
409
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,888
Whoa, easy. I didn't walk all up on you.
410
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:42,363
I make new enemies every day.
It's called business.
411
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:48,366
Thank you, gentlemen, for stopping by.
Have a lovely day.
412
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:49,760
Rex, get the cake.
413
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:53,601
Ow.
414
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:57,208
Rich motherfucking, overprivileged,
fucking assholes.
415
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,209
What happened to decency?
416
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:00,845
- I'm gonna lose my house.
- Yeah.
417
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,480
Stacy's gonna divorce me.
She's gonna marry some dude.
418
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:06,610
- I'll have supervised visits at McDonald's.
- Fucking McDonald's.
419
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,889
What were we thinking? Who bets
on themselves? Why did we do that?
420
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,447
- What?
- You're the one who talked me into it.
421
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:13,886
I was on the fence.
422
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:18,290
We're fucked! Our employees are fucked.
What about them? What about Lupe?
423
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:22,240
This is just a problem. That means
all we gotta do is come up with a solution.
424
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,129
We'll put some ideas up on the board.
425
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,011
That's what I'm talking about.
Here we go. Let's go.
426
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,130
- No idea's a bad idea.
- No idea's a bad idea.
427
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:31,964
- Who's gonna start us off?
- I got it.
428
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:33,881
- Kurt.
- Kill these motherfuckers.
429
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,122
- No, no.
- Murder! Yes.
430
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,521
- You don't need to write that down.
- Kill them.
431
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,251
- Let's fucking kill them! I want them dead!
- Kill them.
432
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:45,049
- We open up their brains and shove them...
- Then we fuck the skulls!
433
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,446
- I'm getting that taste, Nick.
- They're fucking dead!
434
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,922
- We're fucking doing it again!
- That's the Chicago way!
435
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:54,521
- Chicago way! KURT: Cut them open.
I want his family dead.
436
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,445
I want his house burned down,
and I'll get a baseball bat.
437
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,120
- Come on, man, come on.
- Fuck their skulls!
438
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:02,486
- Come on.
- Come on.
439
00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:05,485
We'll fucking kill them.
440
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:08,610
If we've learned one thing about
ourselves, it's that we're not murderers.
441
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,485
- How does killing them get us our money?
- What do you mean?
442
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,251
You harvest their organs,
sell them on the black market.
443
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,529
Be fucking serious. Come on.
This is not helpful. Think seriously.
444
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,251
You're right. There's other
things people have done.
445
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:21,851
- There's plots.
- For money.
446
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,447
- The plot of the movie Speed.
- Yes, there you go. Put a bomb on a bus.
447
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:29,082
So we'll rig a bus so that when it goes
below 50 miles an hour, it blows up.
448
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,886
- What the fuck is that?
- You said no idea was a bad idea.
449
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,850
I was wrong. That idea sucks,
the movie sucks and so do you.
450
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,361
That movie introduced us to Sandy Bullock.
451
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,126
Fuck you! I love Sandra Bullock!
I'm running hot.
452
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:43,363
I'm sorry. I'm running hot.
The whole fucking thing's got me upset.
453
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,488
Give me the marker,
I'll get a better idea.
454
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,166
Want the marker?
Give me $500,000, that's what we need.
455
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,846
- Gonna hold the marker ransom?
NICK: Call it what you want.
456
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:54,891
I need a half a million dollars.
I don't need shit ideas and a bunch of hot air.
457
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,610
Come on.
458
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,205
Dale.
459
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:04,283
- Boom. Marker drop.
- "Kidnaping."
460
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,563
- That's "kidnapping."
- With one more P it is. That's "kidnaping."
461
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:11,611
However the fuck you spell it. You know what
I'm talking about. Kidnapping. Come on.
462
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:16,209
Wait a second. That's a fucking great idea.
Think about it. First of all, we kidnap Rex.
463
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:18,169
- We get money from Bert.
- Ransom money.
464
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:19,321
We save the business.
465
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:20,481
No one has to die.
466
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,563
- Nobody gets hurt.
- He is the kid of Bert.
467
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:24,245
Right, but he's not super young.
468
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,529
- So it's not super douchey and shit.
- It's not all molesty and shit.
469
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,729
What do you know
about executing a kidnapping?
470
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,486
- What do you mean? You just...
- You get zip ties.
471
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:35,729
You don't know shit about kidnapping.
472
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,282
Okay, we don't know a ton.
But I bet we know someone that does.
473
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,125
- Who?
- Motherfucker Jones.
474
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,851
- Oh, Jesus.
- Wouldn't it be good to see him?
475
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:49,767
We're not gonna go see Motherfucker Jones
because we're not gonna "kidnape" anyone.
476
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,890
Come on, this guy's a
master business prick.
477
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,771
He's at the top of his game.
We need to figure out...
478
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:00,402
Boy, look what we got.
479
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:02,841
Is that a Sharpie?
480
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,771
- Hang on. What was a Sharpie doing there?
- You put it there.
481
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:06,961
I did put it on there.
482
00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:09,964
- You're in charge of marker distribution.
- I know I'm the marker guy.
483
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:11,726
Permanently on the board now.
484
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:16,283
This illustrates my point, idiots.
We need to find somebody who's legitimate.
485
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:19,922
We need to find someone
who can get us our company back.
486
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:36,441
Hello, Nick...
487
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,166
...guy who saved my life...
488
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,171
...guy who fucked my wife.
489
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:43,244
It was a blow job. It was a blow job, only.
Didn't fuck her.
490
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:44,641
You got my e-mail?
491
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,804
I did. And I was very amused by it.
492
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,163
I know Bert Hanson. I
like the cut of his jib.
493
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:56,167
And I admire the way he bent you three idiots
over a barrel and showed you the 50 states.
494
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:58,846
- Ah. See? Told you it was a saying.
- Wow.
495
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:02,288
Now, Nick, just tell me something.
496
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:05,569
Why would you start production...
497
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:09,486
...without at least a guarantee
of 35 percent down...
498
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,642
...to cover manufacturing costs?
499
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:15,009
[CHUCKLING]
I mean, why would you do that?
500
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,567
- Is he telling a joke?
- Is something funny?
501
00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:22,090
Uh, we assumed that we were dealing
with somebody who was ethical...
502
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:26,211
No, that's the wrong answer.
The right answer is because...
503
00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:29,967
...you're all fucking morons.
504
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:34,161
Boy, he shined a light on that, didn't he?
That's true. You're absolutely right.
505
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:35,924
You thought I was such a bad boss.
506
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,448
But, I don't know, I think running
your own company into the ground...
507
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:44,043
...ruining the livelihood of your employees
is maybe a bit worse. What do you think?
508
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,044
- That's fair.
- Should I be on the phone if I'm taking notes?
509
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:51,091
- I'm not getting any of what he's saying.
- It's just a lot of rhetorical questions.
510
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,163
So, what do you want from me, Nick?
511
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,247
With all due respect,
you know what makes a guy like that tick.
512
00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,688
So if you could give us some advice
on how to get our money back...
513
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:04,765
...I will play real nice at your next
parole hearing. How does that sound?
514
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,561
- [WHISPERING] You would do that for me?
- Yes, I would.
515
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,845
Okay. I think I can help you.
516
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,924
He's gonna help? Okay, I got a notepad.
I got a notepad.
517
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:16,491
From a legal standpoint...
518
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:17,766
"Legal standpoint."
519
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:19,490
...your options are...
520
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:21,409
- "Options are..."
- Legal options.
521
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,927
...jack fucking shit.
522
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,321
I heard "Jack Leibowitz."
Is that an attorney?
523
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,000
- I'll write that down.
- Can we get his contact info?
524
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:32,564
Even if you had the money
to fight him in the courts...
525
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:36,008
...his lawyers are just gonna file motions
and continuances...
526
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,801
...long after you three
pissant little fuckups...
527
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:41,962
...have blown your tiny little brains out.
528
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:43,685
You saying nothing can be done?
529
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:45,968
No, I said there's nothing you can do.
530
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:49,528
There's plenty that could be done,
but you won't do it.
531
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,604
- And do you wanna know why?
- No, not really.
532
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:55,889
- Because you have no balls.
- I see.
533
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,883
And your fathers had no balls.
534
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:01,010
You are all a product of generations
of ball-less men...
535
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:04,687
...who were too weak or too frightened
to stand up and take what was theirs.
536
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,366
And one day, you will pass on...
537
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:12,407
...your empty, shriveled sacs
to your own pitiful offspring.
538
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:15,450
- I can't hear. What is he talking about?
- Our nut sacs, mostly.
539
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:16,601
How'd that come up?
540
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:19,730
- Why don't you pitch him the kidnapping?
- Let the kidnapping go.
541
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,531
DALE: Pitch him the kidnapping.
- Show some balls, all right?
542
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:24,205
Wanna see balls? Kidnap someone.
543
00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:27,000
You'll end up in here. You'll see
plenty of balls on your forehead.
544
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,003
KURT: Mm.
- Why are they on my forehead?
545
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,320
- Was the dick on top of my head?
KURT: Makes no sense.
546
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,250
- Oh, I'm upside down.
- You sure are. Your face is getting fucked.
547
00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:42,600
Motherfucker.
548
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:55,846
Mm-hm. So y'all plan to use the ransom
to save your business.
549
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,446
- Exactly, yeah. That's it.
- That's what we're hoping.
550
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:01,490
Will you tell these idiots
how stupid that is, please?
551
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:02,887
Ah. I like it.
552
00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:04,565
- Nice. See?
- I knew he'd like it.
553
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,530
You're doing what you need to
to keep your business going.
554
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,126
I had a dream for a long time
to get my own business.
555
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:11,281
Yeah.
556
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,967
I wanted to open my own Pinkberry.
557
00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:16,160
DALE: Ha, ha.
- What the fuck is the chuckles about?
558
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:17,964
Oh, I thought you were joking.
559
00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:21,886
See how many crackers line up to get
that Captain Crunch-covered freezing shit?
560
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,850
- I eat it three times a week. I love Pinkberry.
- Hey, that's awesome.
561
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,082
- You like Pinkberry?
- I'm lactose intolerant.
562
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:29,288
KURT: Right.
- You got an African-American belly?
563
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:32,728
- Because black people suffer from lactose.
- Oh, okay, good, well...
564
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,201
- We got some kind of kinship.
- Yeah, cool, man.
565
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,084
- Stool soft?
- It can be.
566
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,925
- Bottom tender.
- Yeah, bottom's fine.
567
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:43,129
If somebody took my Pinkberry,
I wouldn't take that sitting down.
568
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:46,210
- You would fight.
- I will cut a motherfucker in half.
569
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:50,081
You wouldn't kidnap someone
because you can't successfully pull it off.
570
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,288
Name me a kidnapping movie...
571
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:55,523
...where the kidnappers weren't dead
or incarcerated at the end.
572
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:57,205
- 9 to 5, asshole.
- 9 to 5.
573
00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:00,045
- Name me two movies, then.
- You said name one.
574
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:03,204
- I nailed one right on you.
- 9 to 5 was this movie...
575
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:07,046
I know what the fuck 9 to 5 is.
It's about the white bitch with the big titties.
576
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,328
- Yeah.
JONES: She got old, the titties stayed young.
577
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:11,642
I'm not gonna kidnap someone
based on 9 to 5.
578
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,565
- That's because you Jane Fonda.
- You're the scaredy-cat one.
579
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,530
You're always the last to man up.
You're dragging your feet.
580
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:20,251
Why are you here
if you're not gonna participate?
581
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,444
First of all, if anyone,
I'm the smart one. I'm Lily Tomlin.
582
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:27,161
- But I won't have this conversation.
- Please, I'm Lily Tomlin, if anybody is.
583
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:29,926
Sitting in the big chair,
giving David O. Russell shit.
584
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:33,124
- Yeah, he's got the 'tude. You're Fonda, man.
- You're Jane Fonda.
585
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:37,330
- That makes you Dolly Parton.
- Great. Woman's got her own theme park.
586
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:39,881
- She's a national treasure.
- Two national treasures.
587
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:42,361
Can I pose a question to you colonizers?
588
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:44,651
Happened a long time ago.
589
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:48,089
How do you kidnap somebody
without them knowing...
590
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,084
...they've been kidnapped?
591
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,768
- Okay.
- You smarten up, and you don't even do it.
592
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:56,730
- He's a black sphinx. I like it.
- He threw a riddle our way.
593
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:59,321
- How do you...?
- Voodoo. Voodoo?
594
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:01,443
I can give you the answers.
595
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:04,804
- Fifty thousand.
- No.
596
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:06,405
- We can't.
- Six hundred?
597
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:08,683
You should not run a Pinkberry. Sorry.
598
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:11,366
- The weirdest negotiating style.
- We don't have money.
599
00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:15,161
You know, we're here because
we have zero dollars. We're broke.
600
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:16,720
Fuck it. Give me the watch.
601
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:18,211
- Nope.
- Give him your watch.
602
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:22,206
- I'm not giving him this. This is a Tag Heuer.
- This is a wrist without a watch.
603
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:25,204
Come on. It's just material things.
Can't take it with you.
604
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,840
You can borrow it
while you tell us a shitty plan.
605
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:30,361
All right.
606
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:32,240
[JONES CLEARS THROAT]
607
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,526
Slip him a mickey.
608
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:37,682
Give me the watch back.
609
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:39,365
You sneak into his crib at night.
610
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,609
Find out whatever his beverage of choice is
before he goes to bed.
611
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:46,287
You slip the mickey in the beverage.
Knock him out nice and easy.
612
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:49,523
And you keep that bitch sedated
until Daddy pays up.
613
00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:52,331
It's not a crazy idea,
but it's not worth a Swiss watch.
614
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:55,324
- That could work.
- Hmm. That's great. That makes total sense.
615
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,802
- He doesn't see our faces.
KURT: We're ghosts. We don't even exist.
616
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,800
- When you say "mickey... "?
- A date-rape drug. Where do you get those?
617
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,207
- Where do I get them?
- Uh... Yeah.
618
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,523
Because of the hue of my skin
I know where to get date-rape drugs?
619
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:11,769
- You brought up the date-raping.
- You got N word in your eyes.
620
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:14,287
- Why are your eyes saying the N word?
- Klan eyes.
621
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:16,761
- You've got Klan eyes.
JONES: You ever take a eye test?
622
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:18,604
- Yes.
- All you pick out is the K.
623
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:20,603
- I see every letter.
- He does have Klan eyes.
624
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:22,922
You can see them poking out
behind that sheet.
625
00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:26,926
- It's just ridic... I can't... It's so upsetting.
- Let me ask you a question.
626
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:30,687
When you got raped by Julia, what did she
use to knock you out? Laughing gas?
627
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:32,001
- Oh, right.
- That'll work.
628
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,487
NICK: That's interesting.
- You have keys to the office?
629
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:36,130
- No, but I know the code.
- Yes.
630
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:38,370
DALE:
Okay. You did it again.
631
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,285
- For the record, I am not racist.
- You're the best. Thanks.
632
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:43,204
- Let's go. See you.
- Good to see you.
633
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:46,284
Surprisingly helpful.
Any way I can get the watch back?
634
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,761
Fuck out of here, Jane Fonda.
635
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:56,690
KURT: That's a tough one.
And you can't fuck all three, right?
636
00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:58,683
NICK: You cannot.
- Not the game. Okay.
637
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:02,686
Well, then I would marry Peter,
kill Bobby, and fuck Greg.
638
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:04,251
- That's what I'd do too.
- Yeah?
639
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:07,171
- I think that's the only way to play it.
- It makes sense.
640
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:08,930
- How'd you do?
- I did great.
641
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:12,209
I got extra supplies.
I think we gotta be more careful this time.
642
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:15,409
- Absolutely. So smart.
- I got a magazine to cut up the ransom note.
643
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,289
- Can't be writing it by hand.
- Smart.
644
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:18,521
Bride Again Magazine?
645
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:22,730
To throw the cops off if they start snooping
to figure out where the letters came from.
646
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:25,008
- Dora the Explorer walkie-talkies?
KURT: Awesome.
647
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:29,131
- It's not a spy store. It's a convenience store.
- Didn't wanna just use our phones?
648
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:33,001
Let's use our phones. They make a record
of everything that we say and do.
649
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,162
- Do you watch the news?
- My apologies.
650
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,448
Hey, Obama. I'm breaking
into my old office.
651
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:40,246
It's just the three of us doing this,
not us and the NSA.
652
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:42,050
- I'm trying to help us out.
KURT: Heh.
653
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,202
- Did you get scissors?
DALE: I got some scissors.
654
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:47,967
- I don't see any latex gloves in here.
- They're, like, super expensive.
655
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:49,485
- How much?
- Nine bucks a pair.
656
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:50,880
- That's ridiculous.
- Right?
657
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:55,090
- It's the only thing you went in there to buy.
- She's got a ton of gloves in her office.
658
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:56,327
We'll just use those.
659
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:59,245
You need them to get inside,
so we don't leave fingerprints.
660
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:01,721
That's right. You dummy.
Don't you know that?
661
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,645
Know what we can do?
We can use my golf gloves in my bag.
662
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:06,370
He's got gloves in his golf bag.
663
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:09,126
Don't poke holes in everything.
I'm trying to help out.
664
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,360
- Guys, the team's back together.
DALE: Ha, ha! Whoo!
665
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:12,566
I call lookout.
666
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:15,161
And I will let you know if I see Swiper.
667
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:19,687
[LOCK CLICKS]
668
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:21,842
Nice. Let's go.
669
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:27,923
NICK [OVER RADIO]:
How we doing in there, guys?
670
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:29,445
I got it. I got it. I got it.
671
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:31,602
All good. How are things out there, Nick?
672
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:35,446
Things are good. Hey, can you not say
my name over the radio, please?
673
00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:38,964
KURT: Why not?
- Could be somebody on the frequency.
674
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,169
KURT:
Oh, yeah. It's a good point. Very smart.
675
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,687
There you go.
That's using the old Hendricks brain.
676
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:45,604
And there's the last name.
677
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,206
- We should come up with code names.
- Absolutely.
678
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:52,570
- Nick, where you landing on code names?
- I'd love it if you'd stop saying my name.
679
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,087
- Just get the gas and get out here.
DALE: Roger that.
680
00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:59,448
The Blade has acquired the target.
681
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:02,246
- Was that "The Blade"?
KURT: Mm-hm. That's my code name, Nick.
682
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:05,325
We don't need code names.
Everybody knows who's talking.
683
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,444
DALE: They're sounding pretty cool,
so let's try to land on a couple.
684
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:11,285
I'm gonna think up one real quick
and lay it on you.
685
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:16,288
Uh, I'm coming in at you with The Majestic Lion.
I'm gonna be The Majestic Lion.
686
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:17,566
KURT:
Now we're talking.
687
00:34:17,720 --> 00:34:19,688
Not gonna call you that.
688
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,810
DALE: That's a bummer there.
I'm gonna need a reason as to why.
689
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:25,930
Because you're not a jungle cat,
and it's stupid as shit.
690
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:27,406
- Fair point.
- Good catch.
691
00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:29,244
Uh, we should come up with one for him.
692
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:32,643
KURT: How about St. Nick?
- You've said my name four fucking times.
693
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:35,286
If you could come back out to the car,
we can go home.
694
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,283
DALE: You know what?
What if I drop the "Lion"?
695
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:38,487
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
696
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,000
- Somebody's here. Somebody's here.
DALE: Just The Majestic?
697
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:43,009
I love that. I like that.
698
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:48,326
Shut up about the code names. A bunch of
people just pulled up into the parking lot.
699
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:51,525
Hello. Get your thumb off the butt...
700
00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:58,289
Oh, my God.
701
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:04,451
Real hot chick just pulled
into Julia's parking spot.
702
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:07,408
I think Julia's headed into the building.
703
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:10,404
If you'd get your thumb
off the fucking button and...
704
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:12,881
Ah, fuck. Fucking idiots.
705
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:16,681
Well, you know what? It's not my fault.
It's not my goddamn fault.
706
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:19,645
I haven't done a thing illegal.
I can just drive out of here.
707
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,286
I can just drive right home.
708
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,687
No, I can't do that. I can't do that.
709
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:28,127
They'll just fucking tell on me.
710
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:31,966
All right, we're on our way to you.
Chickens have left the pot. My God, my God.
711
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:33,281
- The coop, I think.
- What?
712
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:35,562
The "my God, my God"
does sounds like a thing.
713
00:35:35,720 --> 00:35:37,404
KURT:
Oh, shit.
714
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:47,284
[CHATTERING]
715
00:35:48,720 --> 00:35:52,406
Why don't you set the food up over there?
And we'll circle these chairs around.
716
00:35:58,120 --> 00:35:59,690
Dale?
717
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:02,324
Kurt.
718
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:06,403
[MIMICS BIRD CAWING]
719
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:09,570
ALL:
God, grant us...
720
00:36:09,720 --> 00:36:11,768
Oh, shit. It's a cult. It's a fucking cult.
721
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:14,241
ALL:... about our sex addiction
that we cannot change...
722
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:16,761
- Sex addiction.
- It's a sex addiction. Yeah.
723
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:17,921
Neat.
724
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,086
So proud of you, every one of you,
for being here today.
725
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:26,611
Shit.
726
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:29,090
[SIGHS]
727
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:38,611
How's it going?
728
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:41,161
Hi. It's going, uh...
729
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:43,281
Whew, you know.
730
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:46,967
I'm in trouble.
731
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,201
- Save it.
- Okay.
732
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:52,520
...Something that happened to them
this week.
733
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:53,971
[DOOR OPENS]
734
00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:57,044
Found this gentleman
loitering out in your hall.
735
00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:58,850
Oh, shit. Nick got busted.
736
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:01,082
COP:
Says he knows he's in trouble.
737
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:04,125
- Yeah.
- We're all in trouble.
738
00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:07,722
You don't have to be afraid.
You're safe here.
739
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:09,166
Okay.
740
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:11,482
Sorry I'm late. What's up, brother?
741
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:12,641
[MAN CLEARS THROAT]
742
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:16,521
Toby, why don't you grab a chair and bring
it in so this young man can join us?
743
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:18,648
Yeah, um...
744
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:21,847
- Boy, uh...
- What's your name, honey?
745
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,167
I am, um...
746
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:31,204
I am Blanston.
747
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,291
ALL: Hi, Blanston.
- Hi.
748
00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:35,925
For a guy not into code names...
749
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:37,206
- Big swing.
- Bold choice.
750
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:38,481
- And I love it.
- Yeah.
751
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:43,168
- It's nice to have fresh blood in the group.
- Appreciate it.
752
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,402
- Fresh, cute blood.
- Hey.
753
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:50,248
Easy, Julia. Blanston, would you like to
share with us what's led you into recovery?
754
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:56,169
Ah. Well, okay. I do
have a very big problem.
755
00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:58,926
Just been hitting it hard.
I've been hitting it hard.
756
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:00,366
He thinks he's in an AA meeting.
757
00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:02,010
[KURT CHUCKLES]
758
00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:04,640
Getting together with the guys.
759
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:07,764
Oftentimes, ending up just face down.
760
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:09,160
[CHUCKLING]
761
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:12,130
Chugging one after the other.
Sometimes double-fisted, just:
762
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:14,965
Gah, gah, gah. You know?
You know what I'm talking about.
763
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:18,329
So your sexual addiction,
it's homosexual in nature?
764
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:22,002
My sex addiction? My sex
addiction is, um...
765
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:23,400
And then what did you say?
766
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:27,963
- You like to fuck guys.
- No. My sex addiction is to ladies.
767
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:29,840
- Oh.
NICK: You know. I'm addicted to women.
768
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:31,007
Boring.
769
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:33,762
- Oh, fuck, I have to piss.
- What?
770
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:36,161
- I have to piss. I'm nervous. I'm sorry.
- Shh.
771
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:38,641
- Go, go, just pee.
- It's gonna make too much noise.
772
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,531
No, no, just dip your dick into the toilet.
773
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:44,081
- Oh, sit down and do it? Okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
774
00:38:44,240 --> 00:38:45,241
[DALE UNZIPS FLY]
775
00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:47,004
DALE: It doesn't reach.
- What?
776
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:49,322
DALE:
It doesn't reach. Should it reach?
777
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:52,131
I mean, I don't know if it's
about "should," but...
778
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,442
DALE: I'll put the seat up.
- Yeah, put the seat up...
779
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:56,563
...and just dip your butt in the bowl.
DALE: Oh, my God.
780
00:38:56,720 --> 00:38:58,131
[DALE URINATING]
781
00:38:58,280 --> 00:38:59,327
There we go.
782
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:00,567
[TOILET FLUSHES]
783
00:39:00,720 --> 00:39:01,767
Shh! Shh! Shh!
784
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:03,490
- Oh, shit, sorry.
- Shh! It's okay.
785
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:05,483
- Sorry, I always flush.
- It's all right.
786
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:07,165
Okay, I'm just gonna wash my hands.
787
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:09,203
- No. Why are you gonna wash your hands?
- Huh?
788
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:10,646
- Why?
- I always wash my hands.
789
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:12,928
- You have gloves on.
- Stuff gets under there.
790
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:16,806
- Fine, just be quiet. Okay, okay.
- Let me just wash them. I'll feel better.
791
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:18,041
[WATER RUNNING]
792
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:19,247
Shh.
793
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:20,561
[PAPER TOWELS RUSTLING]
794
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:22,091
Oh, my God, Dale, stop.
795
00:39:22,240 --> 00:39:25,130
There's literally no element of sneak
in anything you're doing.
796
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:27,240
DALE: It's gross not to.
KURT: I gotta go now too.
797
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:29,362
- You gotta go?
- Yeah.
798
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:33,805
[KURT URINATING]
799
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:34,961
[KURT WHISTLING]
800
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:36,690
Do you golf with the other hand...?
801
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:40,481
- Don't whistle.
- I have to. The only way to get this train going.
802
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:42,170
[WHISTLING CONTINUES]
803
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,369
Shh, Shh, Shh!
804
00:39:47,720 --> 00:39:48,721
[TOILET FLUSHES]
805
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:50,280
KURT: Listen...
- Why did you flush?
806
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:51,361
- It just happens.
- Why?
807
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:53,841
- It's a good habit.
- Shit.
808
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:55,365
[WATER RUNNING]
809
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:57,409
[PAPER TOWELS RUSTLING]
810
00:39:57,560 --> 00:39:59,130
Shh!
811
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:01,171
[CLANGS]
812
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:04,768
- What is...?
- Shit. She's coming. Hide.
813
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:07,327
But there was once, though.
There was once...
814
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:12,691
Oh, boy. If this is safe in here,
I'd love to shake this out and share it.
815
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:14,888
Something must've happened.
Don't fall on me.
816
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:17,850
KURT: Don't worry. I took a parkour class
at the community center.
817
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:19,684
Oh, he got her to go back.
818
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:22,486
- Uh, I was a boy.
- How old were you?
819
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:24,244
- I don't know. Young.
- Fourteen?
820
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,444
I think we were.
Two 14-year-old boys at camp...
821
00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:30,410
...and not knowing what we're doing...
822
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:33,370
...and just wrestling.
823
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:36,609
Ooh. Wrestling camp. Fourteen.
824
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:38,206
Nice.
825
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:42,360
- Is he telling the truth?
- l... I don't know. But, I mean, if he is...
826
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:45,205
- Good for him, right?
- Absolutely. That's great.
827
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:48,523
- Did you guys wear those tight little onesies?
- Singlets?
828
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:51,286
- Is that what they're called?
- That's right. Singlets.
829
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:55,809
Tight little spandex offering a clear little
outline of, say, a circumcised helmet?
830
00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:57,689
- Oh, boy.
- Am I getting warm?
831
00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:00,047
Okay, uh, maybe someone else
should share.
832
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:02,282
- No, no, no. Let's go to the unit.
- Sorry?
833
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:06,286
What was the unit like on this little b...?
Was it veiny? Smooth?
834
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:08,881
Little turtleneck? Anteater?
835
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,168
I just... I don't know. Pretty normal.
836
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:14,443
- Starter penis?
- Not the words I would've used, but...
837
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:17,524
It's good to have a gay friend
in your group too, you know?
838
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:19,409
- It makes us more colorful.
- Yeah.
839
00:41:19,720 --> 00:41:23,611
Now, did this penis ever, at any point,
find its way into your mouth?
840
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:25,125
- Jesus.
- Julia, no.
841
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:27,931
- You're not gonna pull this stunt again.
- What stunt?
842
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:31,163
Stopping a meeting early
so she can try to flip another gay.
843
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:33,641
- Really?
- She always wants what she can't have.
844
00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:35,842
Listen, relax, okay? He's not even gay.
845
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:39,004
He had one cock at 14 and it hasn't
made its way to his mouth yet.
846
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:42,323
- Well, if you'd let me finish...
- So you did eat that cock.
847
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:44,721
- You're asking if I sucked it?
- I know you sucked it.
848
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:46,325
I just wanna hear you say it.
849
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,000
- Blanston, you don't have to say it.
- Shut your mouth.
850
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:51,731
- Shut up and let him share. You ate it?
- Please say yes.
851
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:53,530
You wanna know if I ate that dick?
852
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:56,524
Did you suck that cock like a Bomb Pop
down to the blue?
853
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:58,523
- You want the answer?
- Give it to me.
854
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:01,604
I ate that dick, balls,
and licked that kid's sweaty asshole.
855
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:04,491
Damn right you did
because you are awesomely gay.
856
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:07,689
I'm super gay. Never been straight.
Know what else I've never been?
857
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:09,524
- Inside a woman.
- Meeting adjourned.
858
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:11,205
- Everybody out.
- Son of a bitch.
859
00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:13,886
Come on. Hurry it up. Hurry it up. Come on.
860
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:18,011
- See you later. Bye-bye. That's it.
- Okay, Julia, you are letting the addiction win.
861
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:21,084
Oh, fuck you, Roz. No one likes you anyway.
862
00:42:21,240 --> 00:42:22,321
Okay.
863
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:25,882
- Mm. Let's get you prepped for a fill-n-drill.
- Let's do it.
864
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:28,960
- Ever done it in a dentist's chair?
- I always wanted to nail my dentist.
865
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:31,884
- He's a man.
- I'll make you forget all about him.
866
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:36,045
Why don't you go get the chair ready?
I'm gonna visit the men's room real quick.
867
00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:37,571
Oh, you can do that on me.
868
00:42:37,720 --> 00:42:40,690
Oh. Uh, well, it's a...
869
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:42,727
And...?
870
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:46,851
Hmm. Well, uh, first time on the slopes,
so I'm gonna stay off the black diamond.
871
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:48,891
Either way.
872
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:54,286
- You guys are so noisy. Let's go.
KURT: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
873
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:56,568
Congrats. I'm so proud of you
for coming out.
874
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:59,127
- I'm not gay. I'll be right out, okay?
- Come on.
875
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:03,251
I think it'll be a little suspicious if I disappear.
Gonna complete the diversion.
876
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:05,050
- We gotta go.
- Thought you were gay.
877
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:07,328
I'm not gay. Go on, go on.
I'll be right out.
878
00:43:07,720 --> 00:43:09,927
Oh. I get it. You're bi.
879
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:11,491
I'm not bi.
880
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:12,880
Not bi?
881
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:16,882
DALE: Do you have, uh, an S? I need an S.
KURT: S, yes.
882
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,760
- How's that?
- Uh, do you have a scarier S than that?
883
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:23,447
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, here.
This is from an article about bridezillas.
884
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:26,968
Yeah, that'll do it.
Okay, can I read you what I got right now?
885
00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:29,242
- Yeah. Yeah, sure.
- Okay.
886
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:31,243
[IN SINISTER VOICE]
"Give us the $500,000..
887
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:32,925
...or the little boy dies.
888
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:34,161
[KURT CHUCKLES]
889
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:37,642
You have 24 hours."
890
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:40,765
I wish you were there to read it.
Sounds scary in that voice.
891
00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:42,490
That's why I wanted scary letters.
892
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:45,251
Hopefully he's hearing a voice
like that when he reads.
893
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:49,610
- But why "little boy"? Makes him sound 6.
- Don't wanna be like, "Or the grown man dies."
894
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:52,127
- You're right. No, absolutely.
- It's not even...
895
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:55,489
- All right, glue stick, and I'm gonna lock this in.
- Oh, great, yeah.
896
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:58,405
- First draft, final draft, right?
KURT: How about that? Nice job.
897
00:43:58,560 --> 00:43:59,971
God, I tell you what.
898
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:04,449
I hope this doesn't sound cocky.
I think we're really good at this.
899
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:05,840
We're extremely good at it.
900
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:09,766
I didn't wanna say anything,
but way better than murder.
901
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:11,121
- A lot better than murder.
- We found our groove.
902
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:12,640
- This is fun.
- It is kind of fun.
903
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:13,727
[DOOR OPENS]
904
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,280
- Nobody gets hurt.
- I always wanted to make a ransom note.
905
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,289
- All here. Let's go.
- Ah!
906
00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:21,603
Son of a bitch. I knew I should've been
gluing them as I went along.
907
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:22,961
NICK: Ah.
KURT: Oy, oy, oy.
908
00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:25,930
Hey. Hey. Talk to me. How was it?
909
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:28,367
It was like something
I've just never encountered.
910
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:29,607
What, uh, a woman?
911
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:30,807
[KURT CHUCKLES]
912
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:34,203
I mean, she's so free.
She's so eloquent with her body.
913
00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:37,011
I mean, all of that sexual energy...
914
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:40,926
...it flows from this place
of deep tenderness, you know?
915
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:44,971
- It's called her vagina, Nick.
- Please don't talk like that. Come on, let's go.
916
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:46,685
Listen. He's being so protective.
917
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:50,765
You're talking like you fell in love with her.
What, are you in love with her, Nick?
918
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:53,047
No, Dale.
919
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:56,488
- That was a real long pause right there.
- That was a moment of silence.
920
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:58,400
I'm not in love with her.
That's ridiculous.
921
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:01,842
She gave me a very rich
and positive experience.
922
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:04,162
KURT:
Oh, yeah? Better than wrestling camp?
923
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:15,961
NICK:
Oh, boy. Nice house.
924
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:18,487
Well, he's doing well.
925
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:19,766
Good for him.
926
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:22,526
- All right, let's discuss our options.
- Breathe, and go.
927
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:26,571
Hey, whoa. Guys, you can't just park
right in front of the guy's house.
928
00:45:26,720 --> 00:45:29,166
You wanna carry an unconscious dude
down the street?
929
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:31,163
He's gonna be way too heavy.
Let's move.
930
00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:32,890
That's a good point. Good point.
931
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:36,964
Wait, whoa. You can't just walk up
to the guy's front door.
932
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:40,124
- Will you calm down? We have a plan.
- We have a plan. Just relax.
933
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:44,001
NICK: Oh, do you? That's great.
That makes me feel a lot better.
934
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:46,363
- Okay, you ready?
KURT: Yeah, I'm ready.
935
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:48,284
Watch this. Go.
936
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:50,126
- Ah, fuck.
- Fuck.
937
00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:51,850
- It's a bust.
- It's locked.
938
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:57,210
- The plan did not account for a locked door?
- Fifty-fifty chance it's gonna be open.
939
00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:00,441
- How do you figure that?
- Either locked or unlocked.
940
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:03,683
- Fifty-fifty, yeah.
- It's basic math. What's up with you tonight?
941
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:05,524
- Give me your credit card.
- Good.
942
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:07,682
- Plan B's got a credit card in it?
DALE: Come on.
943
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:09,490
- Your plan sucks.
DALE: Your math sucks.
944
00:46:09,640 --> 00:46:10,721
That's what's going on.
945
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:12,882
- Wait. What if he's in there?
- Oh, yeah.
946
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:15,560
- How do we make sure?
- Why don't you ring the doorbell?
947
00:46:15,720 --> 00:46:17,370
- I love it. Smart.
- Don't. Kurt.
948
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:18,567
Oh, shit. Are you kidding?
949
00:46:18,720 --> 00:46:20,370
[DOORBELL RINGS MUSICAL TUNE]
950
00:46:21,240 --> 00:46:23,680
- It's dark. Don't think anybody's here.
- Don't hit it again.
951
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:25,410
[DOORBELL CONTINUES RINGING]
952
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:27,524
KURT: You hear that?
- I know that song.
953
00:46:27,720 --> 00:46:29,600
DALE: What is that?
- It's a song, right? Is it:
954
00:46:29,720 --> 00:46:31,324
[SINGING]
No matter what you do
955
00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:32,686
No, no.
956
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:34,046
BOTH:
I will always be with you
957
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:35,565
- Who sings that?
- Badfinger.
958
00:46:35,720 --> 00:46:37,245
Doesn't matter what you do, girl
959
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:38,526
Quiet.
960
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:40,842
Ooh, girl, with you
961
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:42,161
You nailed it.
962
00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:43,566
Knock down the old gray wall
963
00:46:43,720 --> 00:46:45,006
Shut the fuck up.
964
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:47,120
- Hey, you're yelling.
- Shh! Shh! You're yelling.
965
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:48,725
Do me a favor. Hurry up.
966
00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:52,407
Fail to open up the front door
so we can get the fuck out of here.
967
00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:54,601
- Ah, fuck.
DALE: Ooh.
968
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:57,206
- What's "fuck"? What happened?
- We got a problem.
969
00:46:57,360 --> 00:46:59,442
- Yeah, see? Right there?
- Goddamn it.
970
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:01,967
KURT: There it is. Staring back at us.
NICK: Okay, what now?
971
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:04,566
I guess we follow your idea
and we get out of here.
972
00:47:04,720 --> 00:47:07,291
- Yeah, we gotta go.
- No. Hey. My credit card's in there.
973
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:10,728
- Call them and cancel.
- They'll send you a new one overnight.
974
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:14,123
When they find the card, they'll know
we were here. It's pretty simple.
975
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,442
- Oh, shit.
- They're gonna know you were here.
976
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:18,968
Go, go. Car. Car.
977
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:31,809
[WHISPERS] What do you got going there?
- Finger-flage.
978
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:34,610
Is that his wife?
979
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:37,286
No, that's a '93 Civic
and she's carrying dry cleaning.
980
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:38,601
I'm gonna go with a maid.
981
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:41,161
He married his maid?
982
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,491
Mr. Rex, are you home?
983
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:54,282
It me, Kim Song.
984
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:57,729
I pick up your dry cleaning.
985
00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:03,525
[SIGHS]
986
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:11,090
NICK: Okay, I got it.
- Wow.
987
00:48:11,640 --> 00:48:12,971
He's got good taste.
988
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:14,526
It's bent, goddamn it.
989
00:48:14,680 --> 00:48:17,650
- Nice, clean lines, little pops of color.
- Let's go.
990
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:18,801
- Go?
- What?
991
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:20,610
We just got inside. Let's stay.
992
00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:24,003
- So did she. Let's get the fuck out of here.
- Are you quitting on the plan?
993
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:25,161
[CAR APPROACHING]
994
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:26,367
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING OVER
SPEAKERS]
995
00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:28,488
- Back in. Back in. He's here.
- Why? Who's here?
996
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:31,405
- Mr. Rex.
- Oh, shit.
997
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:32,806
[DOOR OPENS]
998
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:35,486
REX:
Kim? You here?
999
00:48:37,240 --> 00:48:39,049
[HUMMING]
1000
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:40,326
Kim, you grab my shirts?
1001
00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:43,126
- Yes, Mr. Rex. I go hang up now.
- Great.
1002
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:45,209
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Kim. Kimbo.
1003
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:48,924
- Take a look at this. Tell me what you see.
KIM: Uh...
1004
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:51,890
Are you gonna leave this mess
in the bottom of my sink?
1005
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:53,851
The water?
1006
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:57,402
Yes, the little water droplets
all over the bottom of my sink.
1007
00:48:57,560 --> 00:49:00,769
I don't know what thatched hut
you grew up in, but this is disgusting.
1008
00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:02,763
But it just water.
1009
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:05,287
Okay. Okay.
1010
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:07,204
[IN KOREAN ACCENT]
Then you just fire.
1011
00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:11,171
You lose your job. Too bad for you.
1012
00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:13,368
Bye-bye.
1013
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:19,127
Ha, ha! Look at you. I got you again.
1014
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:21,642
Look at that little chubby face.
1015
00:49:21,800 --> 00:49:24,610
You think I was gonna fire you
on your fucking birthday?
1016
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:27,764
Are you out of your mind, Mrs. Miyagi?
Get over here.
1017
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:30,128
Come here, you. Happy birthday.
1018
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:31,606
I got you something.
1019
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:40,560
That's a good one.
1020
00:49:40,720 --> 00:49:43,644
That's top of the line.
That's like the Cadillac of plungers.
1021
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:45,884
That's just for here, though, okay?
1022
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:47,570
- No taking it home.
- No.
1023
00:49:47,720 --> 00:49:49,643
Yeah, what's up, man?
1024
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:54,926
Yeah, no, I'm not busy at all. I'm just
making my maid's day. It's her birthday.
1025
00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:59,047
Hey, Kim, seriously, though.
Can we keep a dry sink from here on in?
1026
00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:00,486
Yes, Mr. Rex.
1027
00:50:01,400 --> 00:50:02,606
What's up?
1028
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:04,250
No, fuck that, man.
1029
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:06,004
Kim.
1030
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:09,411
Oh.
1031
00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:54,249
Dude, I'm trying.
My dad is being a total dick about the money.
1032
00:50:54,720 --> 00:50:55,767
NICK:
What's she doing?
1033
00:50:57,600 --> 00:50:59,967
DALE: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
NICK: What is she doing?
1034
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:02,322
- Kurt. Kurt. Kurt.
- What? What? What?
1035
00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:04,801
Oh, shit. That's my thing.
She's doing my thing.
1036
00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:08,442
NICK: I can't believe she's fucking doing that.
- She's not going in deep enough.
1037
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:11,407
- Do you think she's just cleaning?
- What a rookie.
1038
00:51:11,800 --> 00:51:14,007
Okay, there she goes. Okay. All right.
1039
00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:16,928
Kimchi.
1040
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:21,650
NICK: There he is.
KURT: Okay. Shh.
1041
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:24,128
NICK: Oh, no. He's gonna brush his teeth.
KURT: He is.
1042
00:51:24,280 --> 00:51:26,009
- He's gonna do it.
- Here he goes.
1043
00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:27,764
DALE: Do it.
NICK: Do it.
1044
00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:30,321
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1045
00:51:31,960 --> 00:51:34,440
Yeah, get them nice and clean,
you son of a bitch.
1046
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:35,840
So satisfying.
1047
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:39,800
Wait, guys. Okay. Now what, though?
What are we doing? What do we do now?
1048
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:42,960
We wait for him to go to bed.
Dale starts the gas. I've got the ransom note.
1049
00:51:43,080 --> 00:51:44,161
[GAS HISSING]
1050
00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:46,040
- Not now.
- He said, "Dale, start the gas."
1051
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:47,320
I said, "Dale starts the gas."
1052
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:50,284
Later, you idiot. Turn that off.
We can't have the gas in here.
1053
00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:51,726
Okay. I'll put this on the...
1054
00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:54,526
- Turn it off.
- I'm trying to. It's broken or something.
1055
00:51:54,680 --> 00:51:56,682
Are you kidding me? Turn it the other way.
1056
00:51:56,880 --> 00:52:00,123
We dropped it like a million times.
I think we broke it. No, see?
1057
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:02,169
- It's not doing anything.
- Let's get out.
1058
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,049
- What? He's right outside.
NICK: Shh.
1059
00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:06,282
Shit. He's right there.
Then get the can out of here.
1060
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:07,487
[KURT LAUGHING]
1061
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:09,523
Don't start laughing.
What is funny about this?
1062
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:11,400
Look at your face. Look at his face.
Ha, ha.
1063
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:12,800
- Oh, no.
- Dude, your face...
1064
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:15,008
The gas. Is this the gas?
1065
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:17,606
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
1066
00:52:17,760 --> 00:52:19,922
Hey. Listen. Keep it together.
1067
00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:21,127
Yes, it's the gas.
1068
00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:22,446
[ALL LAUGHING]
1069
00:52:22,600 --> 00:52:24,728
- It's pretty good.
- You keep it together.
1070
00:52:27,520 --> 00:52:29,204
I was trying to hit him.
1071
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:32,889
- Guys.
- No, no, no.
1072
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:35,731
Okay. I'm good. I'm good. Let's...
1073
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:48,001
[KATY PERRY'S "ROAR"
PLAYING ON CELL PHONE]
1074
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:52,922
Shit. Kurt. Kurt, your phone.
1075
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:54,491
Your phone. Answer your phone.
1076
00:52:54,640 --> 00:52:56,802
- I got it. I got it. I got it.
- Where are we?
1077
00:52:56,960 --> 00:52:59,611
- Shut it off.
- Why is your wife calling me?
1078
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:03,685
Oh, shit. Oh, shit. She's probably freaking out.
I didn't come home last night.
1079
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:04,887
NICK:
Quiet.
1080
00:53:05,040 --> 00:53:07,327
Dude, get your fucking head
out of my crotch.
1081
00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:16,763
Will you look at this fucking view
during the daytime? You kidding me?
1082
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:18,371
- He seems gone.
- Unbelievable.
1083
00:53:18,520 --> 00:53:20,363
- Bed's made.
- I can't believe this.
1084
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:21,806
We should maybe just check.
1085
00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:23,166
- Hey! Rex!
- Hey.
1086
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:25,766
Rex! Rex!
1087
00:53:25,920 --> 00:53:27,649
Dale.
1088
00:53:28,120 --> 00:53:30,487
Did you have a plan if he responded?
1089
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:35,001
- I didn't think that far ahead.
- You get even dumber in the mornings.
1090
00:53:35,160 --> 00:53:36,650
- Why are you worried?
- Let's go.
1091
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:39,371
- You know, fifty-fifty chance he was here.
- Yeah.
1092
00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:42,969
You know, Stacy's just gonna
completely flip out when I get home.
1093
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:45,691
- What kind of dad doesn't come home?
- Shut that down.
1094
00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:49,640
If the worst thing that happens from this
clusterfuck is your domestic problems...
1095
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:53,327
...we can consider ourselves lucky.
We just dodged a huge bullet back there.
1096
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:56,006
We almost made
the worst decision of our lives.
1097
00:53:56,160 --> 00:54:00,484
That's true. Know why? If he opens that closet
and sees us, we're in prison right now.
1098
00:54:00,640 --> 00:54:05,009
That's right. So we're very, very lucky.
What the fuck is the matter with us?
1099
00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:09,085
I tell you what. If a couple tiny things
went our way, we could've pulled that off.
1100
00:54:09,240 --> 00:54:12,403
We're not criminals. We suck at crime.
We're nice, normal guys.
1101
00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:15,206
- I like baseball. I wear pants.
KURT: Yup.
1102
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:17,886
- Back to being cogs in the machine.
- Cogs. Cogs, dude.
1103
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:19,166
KURT:
Cogs are good.
1104
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:20,846
DALE:
It's a relief, you know?
1105
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:24,004
It's like a weight lifted off your...
What is it, shoulders?
1106
00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:27,323
- It's a fresh start where everything's...
- I'll call you guys later.
1107
00:54:27,720 --> 00:54:29,609
- Please don't kill me.
- Fuck!
1108
00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:31,569
- Oh, fuck.
- What the fuck is that?
1109
00:54:31,720 --> 00:54:36,089
What the fuck is that? What did we do?
We kidnap him while we're high on nitrous?
1110
00:54:36,240 --> 00:54:38,481
Then went back into the closet
and went to sleep?
1111
00:54:38,640 --> 00:54:40,404
- Why would we do that?
- Shh. Shh. What?
1112
00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:41,686
[REX CRYING]
1113
00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:43,405
Is he crying?
1114
00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:46,210
[REX LAUGHING]
1115
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:50,729
Oh, my God. The best.
1116
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:54,204
That was so good.
1117
00:54:54,560 --> 00:54:55,925
Help me out.
1118
00:54:56,080 --> 00:54:57,923
[CONTINUES LAUGHING]
1119
00:54:58,080 --> 00:55:01,562
The look on your... Look at this.
1120
00:55:01,720 --> 00:55:04,564
[KURT CHUCKLES THEN LAUGHS]
1121
00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:09,207
I really couldn’t... Your fucking face.
1122
00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:13,326
- Oh, my God.
- Hey, man. Yeah. Whoo-whee.
1123
00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:15,084
Ah! You had us.
1124
00:55:15,240 --> 00:55:16,241
[ALL LAUGHING]
1125
00:55:16,400 --> 00:55:17,811
DALE:
Oh! Oh!
1126
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:21,890
- What's happening?
- I don't know.
1127
00:55:22,040 --> 00:55:24,168
- What's happening?
- Oh, boy.
1128
00:55:24,480 --> 00:55:26,482
[LAUGHING]
1129
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:29,769
Oh, my God, you guys. Thank you.
1130
00:55:31,200 --> 00:55:34,249
I have not laughed like
that in a long time.
1131
00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:37,006
Oh, my God. Goddamn, that was great.
Food for the soul.
1132
00:55:37,160 --> 00:55:39,208
Good, well, we were just
trying to be funny.
1133
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:41,886
- You know, no harm, no foul, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
1134
00:55:42,040 --> 00:55:43,849
Guys, I completely underestimated you.
1135
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:47,641
You fuckers have some low-hanging balls.
I mean it. I'm impressed.
1136
00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:50,641
I mean, I wake up,
I find you three in my closet...
1137
00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:53,485
...along with a ransom note,
a big old bottle of nitrous.
1138
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:57,122
I'm like, "Holy shit.
These fuckers were gonna gas me."
1139
00:55:57,280 --> 00:55:59,851
I'm about to call the cops when I think,
"Hold up a sec.
1140
00:56:00,040 --> 00:56:02,008
These guys may be onto something."
1141
00:56:03,160 --> 00:56:05,162
I wanna partner up on this thing.
1142
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:08,529
- What thing? What are you talking about?
- I'm not sure what you mean.
1143
00:56:08,680 --> 00:56:11,001
- This thing. My kidnapping.
KURT: Oh.
1144
00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:14,164
Truth be told, Pop and I...
1145
00:56:14,520 --> 00:56:17,922
...we've hit a rough patch.
He's refusing to cover some of my expenses.
1146
00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:22,165
Long story. Anyway, your timing could not
have been better. Is this a fucking marlin?
1147
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:25,688
Rex, this is, uh, cool and all,
but we decided, like, we're out.
1148
00:56:25,840 --> 00:56:27,649
- We're not doing crime.
- Not our thing.
1149
00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:30,770
Yeah, no, he's right.
No, the kidnapping is off, actually.
1150
00:56:30,920 --> 00:56:33,082
- Huh? No, no, no, it's on.
- No, it's off.
1151
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:35,760
No, it's totally on.
I sent the ransom note to my dad.
1152
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:37,285
- You what?
- You did what?
1153
00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:40,762
It's brilliant. Who came up with
that thing about me being a little boy?
1154
00:56:41,360 --> 00:56:43,124
- Beautiful.
- Thanks.
1155
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:47,001
I was a little insulted you only asked for
$500,000 for me. Is that all I'm worth? Hmm?
1156
00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:49,961
No sweat. I tacked on another zero.
1157
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:53,290
- Five-hundred million?
- Wow, that's a ton.
1158
00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:55,284
- Five million, guys.
- Five million.
1159
00:56:55,440 --> 00:56:56,965
- Five million.
- Five. Right.
1160
00:56:57,120 --> 00:57:01,284
Yeah, 5 million. One million dollars
for you guys, and 4 for me.
1161
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:03,044
Why don't we make that ransom call?
1162
00:57:03,360 --> 00:57:04,930
Yeah, Rex, let's not.
1163
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:10,211
We appreciate the offer, and thank you for
not calling the cops, but we're gonna pass.
1164
00:57:10,400 --> 00:57:11,447
- No.
KURT: Yeah.
1165
00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:14,365
Guys. Guys, how's this anything
but great news?
1166
00:57:14,520 --> 00:57:18,650
All I'm asking you to do is finish your
own plan but for double the money.
1167
00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:21,963
Plus, it got a thousand times easier
because now I'm your inside man.
1168
00:57:22,160 --> 00:57:23,650
I can make sure Dad pays up.
1169
00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:25,484
And then when you, uh, "set me free"...
1170
00:57:25,640 --> 00:57:28,610
...I tell the cops it was three
other morons that went that way.
1171
00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:31,240
Oh. Wow.
That's not the worst idea I've ever heard.
1172
00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:33,767
- It's better than our original idea.
KURT: A lot better.
1173
00:57:33,920 --> 00:57:35,410
Give us one second.
1174
00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:36,607
Fucking what?
1175
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:39,326
- We can't trust this guy.
- You can trust me.
1176
00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:43,166
No, you're right. They burned us once already.
We're not gonna get burned again.
1177
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:45,527
- Nice try.
DALE: Thanks but no thanks.
1178
00:57:45,680 --> 00:57:48,809
- That's a Nick-Kurt-Dale no from us.
- Nick, Kurt and Dale.
1179
00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:51,930
- So, uh, thank you, but adios.
- Yeah. Heh.
1180
00:57:52,080 --> 00:57:53,650
- Okay.
NICK: You need a ride?
1181
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:55,928
No. I think I'll hang out here.
1182
00:57:56,080 --> 00:57:58,526
You know, escape from your clutches...
1183
00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:00,330
...and call the police.
1184
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:02,687
Go ahead. Call them.
We never kidnapped you.
1185
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:04,330
- Yeah, you did.
- We didn't.
1186
00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:06,289
- Yeah, you abducted me.
- We did not.
1187
00:58:06,440 --> 00:58:08,124
Yeah, you brought me back here.
1188
00:58:08,280 --> 00:58:11,204
- There was a struggle.
- Oh, shit. Come on, man.
1189
00:58:11,360 --> 00:58:13,010
Things got broken.
1190
00:58:13,600 --> 00:58:14,647
DALE:
What the...?
1191
00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:17,363
And then, you assaulted me.
1192
00:58:17,520 --> 00:58:19,045
- Oh, shit.
- What?
1193
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:20,645
This guy's fucking nuts.
1194
00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:22,564
Hey, Rex? It's off, pal.
1195
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:26,167
Oh, and then you beat me. Mercilessly.
1196
00:58:26,320 --> 00:58:27,845
[GRUNTING]
1197
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:30,890
Holy shit. He's Fight Clubbing himself.
We got a Fight Clubber.
1198
00:58:31,040 --> 00:58:33,964
And then I found my way up here
and I found this phone.
1199
00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:36,529
- I picked up the receiver...
- Oh, no.
1200
00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:38,011
...and I dialed 9...
1201
00:58:38,200 --> 00:58:40,407
- Don't, don't, don't.
- Come on. Joke's over.
1202
00:58:40,560 --> 00:58:42,562
- ...1...
- Don't you hit the second 1.
1203
00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:44,080
- Don't do it. Aah!
- Don't hit it.
1204
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,923
I don't know where I'm going.
I don't know where you find pay phones.
1205
00:58:50,080 --> 00:58:52,367
- There's some pay phones at the park here.
- Okay.
1206
00:58:52,520 --> 00:58:56,570
Boys, we are doing this.
The adventure begins. Who's fired up?
1207
00:58:56,920 --> 00:58:58,206
KURT:
Hmm.
1208
00:58:58,760 --> 00:59:02,162
Such a negative energy.
This is killing me. Guys, come on.
1209
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:06,166
- Can you scoot over just a smidge?
- Huh? No, I sit in the middle.
1210
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:08,288
- That's his seat.
- It's a whole thing, Rex.
1211
00:59:08,480 --> 00:59:11,245
REX: I know. Just you're crowding me.
- I'm crowding this guy now?
1212
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:13,480
He's forcing us to kidnap him,
and I'm crowding him?
1213
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:17,650
Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy. Simmer down.
Kidnapping was your idea, remember?
1214
00:59:17,800 --> 00:59:20,371
- But then we had the idea to not do it.
- Yeah, exactly.
1215
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:22,249
- I sit in the middle!
- Hey, hey.
1216
00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:24,926
KURT: Dale, just do what he says.
- Ah, for chrissake.
1217
00:59:26,360 --> 00:59:27,691
Oh, God. That is nice.
1218
00:59:28,240 --> 00:59:29,765
This is way better.
1219
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:33,963
This is bullshit, by the way.
1220
00:59:38,880 --> 00:59:43,488
Excuse me, Dr. Harris.
Was someone in the office last night?
1221
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:46,570
Uh, my sex-addiction group met here at 8.
1222
00:59:46,720 --> 00:59:50,645
Oh. Yes. But, doctor,
the keypad logged an earlier entrance.
1223
00:59:50,800 --> 00:59:52,131
Really?
1224
00:59:52,480 --> 00:59:54,289
Let's check our fancy new camera system.
1225
00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:57,365
[JULIA LAUGHS]
1226
00:59:57,960 --> 01:00:00,691
That's a gay guy. It's so weird.
He didn't bone me like a gay guy.
1227
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:03,491
He only cried, like, a little bit.
1228
01:00:03,640 --> 01:00:06,883
And he was oddly squeamish
about his own asshole, which is weird.
1229
01:00:07,080 --> 01:00:09,811
- It's so weird.
JULIA: Yeah, that's what I thought.
1230
01:00:10,080 --> 01:00:12,526
Is that Dale?
1231
01:00:12,680 --> 01:00:15,331
What's he doing with Kurt and Blanston?
1232
01:00:15,480 --> 01:00:17,289
- Should we call the police?
JULIA: No.
1233
01:00:17,720 --> 01:00:18,846
No.
1234
01:00:19,360 --> 01:00:20,850
I'll take care of them.
1235
01:00:21,920 --> 01:00:23,251
Enjoy.
1236
01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:26,450
It's good stuff. Learn something.
1237
01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:33,047
[PHONE DIALING]
1238
01:00:33,200 --> 01:00:34,326
All right, it's ringing.
1239
01:00:34,520 --> 01:00:39,003
Remember, you guys hold all the cards.
Game faces. You are going to crush this.
1240
01:00:39,160 --> 01:00:42,084
Hold on. He knows what we sound like.
We gotta use an accent.
1241
01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:45,285
- No accents. That's ridiculous.
- That's a great idea, Kurty.
1242
01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:46,847
Boulder Stream.
1243
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:49,241
- Who is this? The secretary?
REX: Accent. Yeah.
1244
01:00:49,400 --> 01:00:52,688
[IN LATINO ACCENT] Hey, homey.
Let me speak to Mr. Bert Hanson.
1245
01:00:53,040 --> 01:00:56,487
No, I don't mind holding. I just barely
even called you right now already.
1246
01:00:56,640 --> 01:00:58,642
- That's incredibly racist.
- Super racist.
1247
01:00:58,840 --> 01:01:00,046
Just do a Southern accent.
1248
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:02,521
Southern? Southern I got.
Southern. No problem.
1249
01:01:02,720 --> 01:01:04,245
[PHONE RINGS]
1250
01:01:05,200 --> 01:01:06,201
Hanson.
1251
01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:08,488
[IN OLD SOUTH ACCENT]
Well, howdy there, partner.
1252
01:01:08,680 --> 01:01:11,650
Uh, this here's the gents
what got your young'un and all.
1253
01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:14,371
And, well, we got some talking to do and...
1254
01:01:14,560 --> 01:01:17,450
- Southern, not old prospector.
- I thought that was pretty good.
1255
01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:22,322
Listen, you lowlife bottom-feeder,
I don't have time for this little fuck-around.
1256
01:01:22,480 --> 01:01:25,689
Either this ends right now,
or it ends with bullets in your skulls.
1257
01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:29,242
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] Now, you hush.
You don't scare us one bit. We got your boy.
1258
01:01:29,400 --> 01:01:33,883
- I bet that tears you up something fierce.
- How do I know you really have my boy?
1259
01:01:35,520 --> 01:01:36,567
Dad.
1260
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:39,930
Dad, is that you? Please. They're crazy.
1261
01:01:40,080 --> 01:01:42,447
They told me if you call the police,
they'd kill me.
1262
01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:45,524
[WHIMPERING] Please. Please, do whatever
they say. I don't wanna die, Dad.
1263
01:01:45,720 --> 01:01:47,484
No police. Aah!
1264
01:01:47,680 --> 01:01:49,967
- God!
- Rex? Rex? Where are you?
1265
01:01:50,120 --> 01:01:52,930
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] Now, you listen.
Y'all gonna have to rassle up...
1266
01:01:53,080 --> 01:01:56,004
...that 5 million bucks in cash.
1267
01:01:56,160 --> 01:01:57,730
We're looking at all 100s.
1268
01:01:57,880 --> 01:01:58,927
NICK: Unmarked.
- Unmarked.
1269
01:01:59,080 --> 01:02:01,924
NICK: No tracers.
- No tracers and no dye packs neither.
1270
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:04,606
Otherwise, we gonna take your boy...
1271
01:02:04,760 --> 01:02:08,242
...and string him up by
his pretty little neck...
1272
01:02:08,400 --> 01:02:12,849
...with the roughest,
coarsest piece of rope we got...
1273
01:02:13,040 --> 01:02:15,361
...in our rope inventory.
1274
01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:18,444
You understand?
You got 24 hours before he dead.
1275
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:21,246
- Yes.
- That is how it's done.
1276
01:02:21,400 --> 01:02:22,481
Let's go. All right.
1277
01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:25,446
Guys, that was great.
1278
01:02:25,840 --> 01:02:27,126
That was so much fun.
1279
01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:28,964
- Absolutely.
REX: You were incredible.
1280
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:31,771
- Thanks for getting us snacks, dude.
- You earned it.
1281
01:02:31,920 --> 01:02:33,251
So now what? What do we do?
1282
01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:34,447
- Okay.
- What's the plan?
1283
01:02:34,640 --> 01:02:36,847
- I say we go back to the office.
KURT: Mm-hm.
1284
01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:38,570
Okay? Lay low for a little while.
1285
01:02:38,720 --> 01:02:40,688
And we wait for that
money train to roll in.
1286
01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:42,001
[ALL LAUGHING]
1287
01:02:42,160 --> 01:02:43,730
- Choo-choo!
- Choo-choo, baby!
1288
01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:45,370
[KATY PERRY'S "ROAR"
PLAYING ON RADIO]
1289
01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:48,251
- Oh! Turn up this song. I love this one.
- We're doing this thing.
1290
01:02:48,400 --> 01:02:52,485
I hate to break up the car party, but, Rex,
you don't have a plan for the ransom drop...
1291
01:02:52,640 --> 01:02:54,520
...and that is the part
where people get caught.
1292
01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:59,123
Wow. The ransom drop is only hard
if the police are involved.
1293
01:02:59,280 --> 01:03:03,251
Yeah. But what if he does call the police?
Because that wouldn't be good.
1294
01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:07,246
He's a billionaire.
He's not gonna risk my life over $5 million.
1295
01:03:07,400 --> 01:03:10,882
After Kurt's little performance,
there's no way he's gonna call the cops.
1296
01:03:11,040 --> 01:03:13,850
My performance? What about yours?
You were so in the moment.
1297
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:16,082
- You think so?
- You were great! And you were!
1298
01:03:16,240 --> 01:03:18,402
Get your mouths off his dick, okay?
1299
01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:21,080
- Everyone was doing pretty good.
- Whoa. Take it down a notch.
1300
01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:22,161
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
1301
01:03:22,320 --> 01:03:24,163
Wait. Shut up, shut up, shut up.
This is Stacy.
1302
01:03:24,360 --> 01:03:26,522
Oh, my God. I forgot to call her.
Uh, hi, honey.
1303
01:03:26,680 --> 01:03:29,445
- Where have you been all night?
DALE: Here's what happened.
1304
01:03:29,600 --> 01:03:31,409
I fell asleep at the office, and...
1305
01:03:31,560 --> 01:03:34,609
Really? Because Find My iPhone
said you weren't at the office.
1306
01:03:34,760 --> 01:03:36,683
Heh. What, are you cheating on me, Dale?
1307
01:03:36,840 --> 01:03:38,524
- Look, you're upset and...
- Oh, shit.
1308
01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:41,524
NICK: Oh, God. Goddamn it.
- He called the cops.
1309
01:03:41,680 --> 01:03:44,650
- Oh, we're busted.
- Busted? Oh, my God.
1310
01:03:44,840 --> 01:03:46,365
- I'm not busted.
- Drive.
1311
01:03:46,520 --> 01:03:48,807
DALE: No one is busted in
a bad sense of the word.
1312
01:03:48,960 --> 01:03:52,043
- Too late. Lupe's got us. Pull in.
DALE: Put your head in my lap.
1313
01:03:52,200 --> 01:03:56,285
Honey, no one's head's going in my lap. It's
something guys are saying now. I can't talk.
1314
01:03:56,440 --> 01:03:58,169
NICK: Hide, hide, hide.
DALE: I am fucked.
1315
01:03:58,320 --> 01:04:00,482
- Let's just go in. Be calm and be cool.
NICK: Shit.
1316
01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:02,608
- Hi.
- Gentlemen.
1317
01:04:02,760 --> 01:04:05,001
- You own this establishment?
NICK: This place here?
1318
01:04:05,160 --> 01:04:07,845
I don't know. Do you really
own anything in this lifetime?
1319
01:04:08,000 --> 01:04:11,243
- We're currently renting.
- It's all just material. Electrons, protons.
1320
01:04:11,400 --> 01:04:12,731
- Yeah. We do.
- Technically.
1321
01:04:13,200 --> 01:04:17,728
Let me ask you, has your company done
business recently with a Mr. Bert Hanson?
1322
01:04:18,280 --> 01:04:22,524
- Barb Fanson? Doesn't ring a bell.
NICK: Not really ringing a bell.
1323
01:04:22,680 --> 01:04:24,682
- I don't think that we have.
- Not our guy.
1324
01:04:24,880 --> 01:04:27,724
That's interesting.
The way I hear it, you're working with him.
1325
01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:30,764
And things didn't shake out
too well for you boys.
1326
01:04:30,920 --> 01:04:32,206
- Oh, Bert.
- Oh. Bert Hanson.
1327
01:04:32,360 --> 01:04:33,691
- Yeah.
- Is that what he said?
1328
01:04:33,840 --> 01:04:36,081
KURT: Bert Hanson? Oh, yeah. We know him.
NICK: That guy.
1329
01:04:36,240 --> 01:04:37,810
DALE:
We had a business disagreement.
1330
01:04:38,120 --> 01:04:39,610
KURT: Big whoop.
DALE: No big deal.
1331
01:04:39,760 --> 01:04:42,843
NICK: Water under the bridge.
- We're super friendly with the guy.
1332
01:04:43,000 --> 01:04:44,001
You're very forgiving.
1333
01:04:44,160 --> 01:04:47,448
Because almost everyone I've talked to
thinks he's an asshole.
1334
01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:49,409
- Do they think that?
- I could see that.
1335
01:04:49,560 --> 01:04:51,642
Strong word. I don't know if I'd use it.
1336
01:04:51,800 --> 01:04:55,247
We like the guy. Definitely don't think
his son deserves to be kidnapped.
1337
01:04:55,400 --> 01:04:56,970
HATCHER:
Kidnapped?
1338
01:04:57,320 --> 01:04:59,322
Who said anything about kidnapping?
1339
01:05:01,240 --> 01:05:02,241
DALE:
Uh...
1340
01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:04,200
- I wanna say you did.
- I didn't.
1341
01:05:04,920 --> 01:05:06,410
- I heard you say it.
- I didn't.
1342
01:05:06,560 --> 01:05:08,324
- I feel like you did.
- I'm sure I did.
1343
01:05:08,480 --> 01:05:11,051
You said "kidnapping."
I was like, "What a weird word."
1344
01:05:11,200 --> 01:05:14,488
- Should be more "kidnabbing."
- No, I did not. Did I say that?
1345
01:05:16,280 --> 01:05:18,169
- I think you might have, sir.
- You sure?
1346
01:05:18,600 --> 01:05:21,649
Well, I got a little lost with
all their yammering, but pretty sure.
1347
01:05:24,840 --> 01:05:26,001
All right, maybe I did.
1348
01:05:26,160 --> 01:05:28,128
- Hey.
HATCHER: It's been a long week.
1349
01:05:28,520 --> 01:05:29,567
We'll be in touch.
1350
01:05:29,720 --> 01:05:33,486
Yeah. Anytime you want. Don't worry, because
the main thing is that you said it...
1351
01:05:33,640 --> 01:05:35,005
Stop talking. Stop talking.
1352
01:05:35,200 --> 01:05:37,680
You've done plenty, plenty of talking.
1353
01:05:37,840 --> 01:05:40,810
Where you going? Come back here.
Come over here. We're going this way.
1354
01:05:41,160 --> 01:05:42,366
[KURT WHISTLES]
1355
01:05:42,520 --> 01:05:45,524
NICK: I don't want you to thank me.
Just go home and enjoy your family.
1356
01:05:45,680 --> 01:05:48,331
Enjoy the rest of the day off, everyone.
You've earned it.
1357
01:05:48,480 --> 01:05:49,686
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
1358
01:05:49,880 --> 01:05:52,121
NICK:
Ah. Ugh.
1359
01:05:52,680 --> 01:05:55,889
The police were just checking.
Making sure we're locking up at night.
1360
01:05:56,040 --> 01:05:59,169
You know, they're keeping
the neighborhood safe. They're heroes.
1361
01:05:59,320 --> 01:06:02,005
- Okay, all taken care of.
- Shh.
1362
01:06:02,160 --> 01:06:03,889
- No, everyone's gone.
- No, no, he...
1363
01:06:04,040 --> 01:06:05,280
He's spinning out.
1364
01:06:05,480 --> 01:06:09,041
I was really clear my life was in danger.
1365
01:06:10,880 --> 01:06:12,848
He called the police anyway.
1366
01:06:14,280 --> 01:06:16,282
Yeah, and since he did...
1367
01:06:16,440 --> 01:06:20,001
...it's pretty clear that we're not gonna
be able to continue with the scam...
1368
01:06:20,200 --> 01:06:22,965
Five million dollars is nothing to him.
1369
01:06:23,960 --> 01:06:26,088
But I guess it's worth more to him
than my life.
1370
01:06:26,240 --> 01:06:27,480
KURT: Ooh.
DALE: Aw.
1371
01:06:27,640 --> 01:06:30,530
- [SOBBING] I'm his son, for chrissake.
- Oh, boy. We got a crier.
1372
01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:35,242
- Look how blue his eyes get when he's crying.
- I'm sorry. This is so fucking embarrassing.
1373
01:06:35,400 --> 01:06:36,731
- Oh, no. No, no, no.
- No.
1374
01:06:36,880 --> 01:06:38,848
Toilet paper here. You can blow your nose.
1375
01:06:39,000 --> 01:06:42,925
Just because your dad called the cops
doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
1376
01:06:43,080 --> 01:06:46,766
No, of course not. Oh, my gosh.
I'm sure it was just his first reaction.
1377
01:06:46,920 --> 01:06:49,685
- He's scared, confused.
- It's natural. I mean, Dale's a dad.
1378
01:06:49,840 --> 01:06:51,046
I'm a dad.
1379
01:06:51,200 --> 01:06:53,168
Can you imagine if someone stole
one of them?
1380
01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:55,328
- I can't imagine.
- You would call the cops.
1381
01:06:55,480 --> 01:06:58,211
No, I don't think I'd call the cops.
I couldn't take that risk.
1382
01:06:58,360 --> 01:06:59,930
[SOBBING]
1383
01:07:00,080 --> 01:07:01,241
- Different situation.
- Shit, I'm sorry.
1384
01:07:01,560 --> 01:07:02,561
Bad example.
1385
01:07:02,720 --> 01:07:04,643
Maybe some alone time would be helpful.
1386
01:07:04,800 --> 01:07:06,882
Why don't we step outside,
give him a minute?
1387
01:07:07,080 --> 01:07:09,208
We'll come back, don't do anything rash.
1388
01:07:09,360 --> 01:07:12,409
- Get the loose rope. I don't want him to...
- We can only hope.
1389
01:07:12,560 --> 01:07:14,289
NICK:
Can I talk to you outside, please?
1390
01:07:14,640 --> 01:07:17,211
KURT: Oh, boy.
- Man, I feel terrible for that guy.
1391
01:07:17,360 --> 01:07:20,204
I know. Are you kidding me?
Poor, poor guy.
1392
01:07:20,360 --> 01:07:23,523
- I mean, that is rough. Rough.
- Are you guys shitting me in there?
1393
01:07:23,720 --> 01:07:26,451
His dad sold him out for...
It was probably nothing to him.
1394
01:07:26,640 --> 01:07:28,130
KURT: Pennies to him.
DALE: The guy's rich.
1395
01:07:28,280 --> 01:07:31,284
That would rock me to my core.
Have a little empathy. Please?
1396
01:07:31,480 --> 01:07:35,451
Know what's going on? You're holding a
grudge right now. Yes, you do that.
1397
01:07:35,600 --> 01:07:38,171
- You get all tight. You're gonna get cancer.
- You do.
1398
01:07:38,360 --> 01:07:40,761
- I don't want that.
DALE: Let the past be the past.
1399
01:07:40,920 --> 01:07:45,448
We're not in the fucking past. We're in
the goddamn present. And you guys...
1400
01:07:45,600 --> 01:07:49,082
What are you talking about? You're acting
like you have Stockholm Syndrome.
1401
01:07:49,240 --> 01:07:50,241
What is that?
1402
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:51,561
- What, like jet lag?
- No.
1403
01:07:51,720 --> 01:07:53,563
DALE: Do I look tired to you?
- You don't. No.
1404
01:07:53,720 --> 01:07:55,245
- You don't look tired.
- I'm fine.
1405
01:07:55,400 --> 01:07:57,880
Stockholm Syndrome's when
you bond with your captors.
1406
01:07:58,040 --> 01:08:00,771
Oh, okay. Well, then hold on a second.
He's the hostage.
1407
01:08:00,920 --> 01:08:03,161
So this would be reverse
Stockholm Syndrome.
1408
01:08:03,520 --> 01:08:05,921
Yeah, and we don't have that, okay?
1409
01:08:06,080 --> 01:08:09,721
He's just a really, really, really likable guy.
I like him a lot.
1410
01:08:09,880 --> 01:08:11,803
- He's really likable.
- The guy's a winner.
1411
01:08:11,960 --> 01:08:13,530
It's nice to be around a winner.
1412
01:08:13,680 --> 01:08:17,366
- Oh, boy. It feels right, Nick. Come on.
- Here's what we're gonna do.
1413
01:08:17,520 --> 01:08:20,490
We're gonna go in,
tell him cops were never part of this plan...
1414
01:08:20,640 --> 01:08:23,246
...and the shit ends now. Let's do it.
1415
01:08:24,440 --> 01:08:27,967
- Okay, but hear us out about festering.
- Like you can't have a conversation.
1416
01:08:28,160 --> 01:08:31,687
It was a wonderful idea. Didn't work out.
1417
01:08:31,840 --> 01:08:34,571
So I think the best thing to do
is just to pull the plug...
1418
01:08:34,720 --> 01:08:38,247
...and you tell the police that the guys
who got you chickened out...
1419
01:08:38,400 --> 01:08:40,129
...let you go, they're long gone.
1420
01:08:40,280 --> 01:08:44,205
- They didn't all chicken out.
- Now's not the time to back off, boys.
1421
01:08:44,360 --> 01:08:47,603
I say we chop off a toe,
mail it to him and double the ransom.
1422
01:08:47,760 --> 01:08:50,331
- Now you're talking. Chop, chop, chop.
- Yes! Wait, whose toe?
1423
01:08:50,520 --> 01:08:52,807
- Not it. Not it. Not my toe.
NICK: No one's toe.
1424
01:08:52,960 --> 01:08:54,962
Keep your toes. Time to call it off.
1425
01:08:55,120 --> 01:08:56,804
Nick. Nick. Come on.
1426
01:08:56,960 --> 01:08:58,962
- Nick, look at me.
NICK: Oy.
1427
01:08:59,960 --> 01:09:01,928
Look, man, if we give up now,
I'll be just fine, you know?
1428
01:09:02,080 --> 01:09:04,128
But you guys, your employees,
for God's sake.
1429
01:09:04,320 --> 01:09:06,322
- Dale's little boys.
- Girls, Kurt.
1430
01:09:06,480 --> 01:09:08,926
- Hey, thanks. Yes.
- Yeah. You're all fucked.
1431
01:09:09,160 --> 01:09:10,525
DALE: Nick, come on.
KURT: Come on.
1432
01:09:10,680 --> 01:09:13,570
You can't roll over and die
when your back's against the wall.
1433
01:09:13,720 --> 01:09:15,961
- Don't roll over and die.
- You gotta be careful.
1434
01:09:16,120 --> 01:09:18,009
- You have to take what's yours.
DALE: Take it!
1435
01:09:18,160 --> 01:09:21,209
Put your name on it. Write your name on it
and say, "That's mine."
1436
01:09:21,360 --> 01:09:22,486
And take it.
1437
01:09:22,640 --> 01:09:24,404
I think I'll take it from here, okay?
1438
01:09:24,560 --> 01:09:26,688
- He's got it.
- He's got it. Listen right here.
1439
01:09:26,840 --> 01:09:29,127
- This is where you want it to come from.
DALE: Not us.
1440
01:09:29,280 --> 01:09:31,681
- I got it!
- Sorry, Rex. Sorry.
1441
01:09:31,840 --> 01:09:33,683
- He's got it.
REX: Come on, man.
1442
01:09:34,520 --> 01:09:36,807
Help me help you get revenge
on my asshole dad...
1443
01:09:36,960 --> 01:09:39,850
...and get you paid a million bucks cash.
- Yes.
1444
01:09:40,000 --> 01:09:44,050
Boy, it sounds awesome,
but there's no way to get it done.
1445
01:09:44,240 --> 01:09:45,685
That's not true. How about this?
1446
01:09:45,840 --> 01:09:49,003
How about if we just put our heads together?
We brainstorm a little.
1447
01:09:49,200 --> 01:09:53,410
If we don't come up with a ransom plan
that you love, we pull the plug.
1448
01:09:53,560 --> 01:09:55,801
- Then you'd let us walk?
- You have my word.
1449
01:09:56,240 --> 01:09:59,130
But if we do come up
with something really inspired...
1450
01:09:59,280 --> 01:10:01,282
...then we're in it to win it.
1451
01:10:02,920 --> 01:10:06,527
Well, I can't stop anybody
from brainstorming.
1452
01:10:08,880 --> 01:10:10,325
[REX CHUCKLES]
1453
01:10:10,720 --> 01:10:12,051
REX:
You're the best.
1454
01:10:12,200 --> 01:10:14,441
- All right.
- I'll see you upstairs, man.
1455
01:10:17,000 --> 01:10:18,525
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
1456
01:11:04,960 --> 01:11:07,361
Is "vagina" with a G or a J?
1457
01:11:07,520 --> 01:11:10,285
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
1458
01:11:20,480 --> 01:11:21,641
All right.
1459
01:11:22,760 --> 01:11:24,683
Let's run it down from the top.
1460
01:11:24,880 --> 01:11:28,362
Okay. First we tie up Rex in one
of those abandoned warehouses off 3rd.
1461
01:11:35,480 --> 01:11:39,121
Then we call Bert on a dark phone.
It's prepaid and untraceable.
1462
01:11:42,480 --> 01:11:45,529
Go to the bench on the 4th Street Bridge
to make the drop.
1463
01:11:46,840 --> 01:11:48,569
Not long enough to trace the call.
1464
01:11:48,720 --> 01:11:50,643
Goddamn it.
1465
01:11:51,120 --> 01:11:52,849
These guys are pros.
1466
01:11:53,000 --> 01:11:55,207
I want a tracer put in that bag.
1467
01:11:56,480 --> 01:11:59,882
The police are sending everyone they've got
to watch the bridge.
1468
01:12:00,080 --> 01:12:01,491
SWAT 1:
Weapons tight. Eyes on.
1469
01:12:01,640 --> 01:12:04,211
SWAT 2 [OVER RADIO]:
All right, tactical command, red team.
1470
01:12:07,240 --> 01:12:08,651
[BEEPING]
1471
01:12:10,360 --> 01:12:12,010
Here we go.
1472
01:12:14,680 --> 01:12:15,761
[HORNS HONKING]
1473
01:12:15,920 --> 01:12:17,445
KURT:
But when he gets there...
1474
01:12:17,640 --> 01:12:19,840
...he finds the dark phone
that I planted ahead of time.
1475
01:12:19,960 --> 01:12:21,564
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
1476
01:12:23,560 --> 01:12:27,167
DALE: Then we call him from the second dark
phone, and tell him to proceed downtown.
1477
01:12:27,360 --> 01:12:28,441
Hello.
1478
01:12:29,720 --> 01:12:34,681
You'll wanna pull into the garage under
the Mandrake Hotel and park in Space 4421.
1479
01:12:34,840 --> 01:12:36,330
There, you will find a red bag.
1480
01:12:36,480 --> 01:12:40,769
You will transfer the money into this bag, then
drive out and await the location of the drop.
1481
01:12:40,920 --> 01:12:44,129
And we tell him if anyone follows him in,
his son's a fucking corpse.
1482
01:12:44,280 --> 01:12:45,486
[MIMICS GUNSHOT]
1483
01:12:51,760 --> 01:12:53,808
DALE: And when Bert
drives that far underground...
1484
01:12:53,960 --> 01:12:56,247
...the police will lose
the signal from his wire.
1485
01:13:00,080 --> 01:13:03,163
REX: But when he arrives,
instead of finding a bag he finds you three.
1486
01:13:03,320 --> 01:13:05,527
Disguised. Armed. Dangerous.
1487
01:13:05,680 --> 01:13:09,685
- Yeah, but the gun's not loaded, right?
- Of course not. Nobody gets hurt, come on.
1488
01:13:10,160 --> 01:13:12,766
I then tell him to give
me his jacket and tie.
1489
01:13:19,920 --> 01:13:22,526
So just as the cops are
starting to sweat...
1490
01:13:22,680 --> 01:13:25,729
...Dad pulls out with the new red bag,
just as he was instructed.
1491
01:13:25,920 --> 01:13:28,730
- Sir, we have the signal back.
- Thank God.
1492
01:13:29,600 --> 01:13:33,286
REX: Only it won't be my father driving.
It'll be our ringer.
1493
01:13:34,040 --> 01:13:36,441
- We're back on him, sir.
- How do you know it's him?
1494
01:13:36,640 --> 01:13:40,361
BERT [ON RECORDING]: I still have the cash
and I'm heading to the drop.
1495
01:13:40,560 --> 01:13:43,006
I guess it's him. Stay with him.
1496
01:13:43,240 --> 01:13:45,208
KURT:
So I drive to the Staples Center.
1497
01:13:45,360 --> 01:13:48,523
Kings have Vancouver. Great matchup.
Place will be packed.
1498
01:13:51,240 --> 01:13:54,722
REX: Cops will stay with the money,
wait for the kidnappers to receive the drop.
1499
01:13:54,880 --> 01:13:57,201
Hanson made the drop, stay on the money.
1500
01:14:02,520 --> 01:14:04,727
We got our man. Take him down.
1501
01:14:05,760 --> 01:14:07,728
[MAN GRUNTS AND PEOPLE GASP]
1502
01:14:09,320 --> 01:14:10,446
COP:
Stay down.
1503
01:14:13,400 --> 01:14:15,562
Son of a bitch.
1504
01:14:16,160 --> 01:14:18,242
REX: By the time the cops know
they've been had...
1505
01:14:21,800 --> 01:14:23,529
...Kurt's a ghost.
1506
01:14:24,240 --> 01:14:27,130
KURT:
And Nick and Dale disappear with the cash.
1507
01:14:29,600 --> 01:14:31,090
[MUMBLING]
1508
01:14:32,880 --> 01:14:37,363
REX: And, finally, I am rescued
from my hellish captivity.
1509
01:14:37,520 --> 01:14:39,170
Thank you. Where's my dad?
1510
01:14:39,560 --> 01:14:40,800
Dad!
1511
01:14:42,560 --> 01:14:47,521
KURT: A week later, once the smoke clears,
we'll be sitting poolside, splitting up the cash.
1512
01:14:47,880 --> 01:14:51,362
It's raining. Who wants it?
There's enough to share.
1513
01:14:51,520 --> 01:14:52,965
[ALL CHEERING AND LAUGHING]
1514
01:14:54,480 --> 01:14:56,562
Look what came. Who wants some tequila?
1515
01:14:56,760 --> 01:14:57,921
- It's cash.
- Thanks, babe.
1516
01:14:58,080 --> 01:14:59,127
KURT:
Hey, whoa, Dale.
1517
01:14:59,520 --> 01:15:01,841
Get your goddamn kids out of the fantasy.
1518
01:15:02,000 --> 01:15:04,128
Let them enjoy the pool,
let me enjoy the money.
1519
01:15:04,280 --> 01:15:07,363
- They're not even allowed at this pool.
- I can't turn my mind off.
1520
01:15:07,560 --> 01:15:09,240
- Guys. Guys. Guys.
NICK: Will you stop it?
1521
01:15:09,360 --> 01:15:14,002
Come on. Let's not argue, okay?
We came up with an awesome plan.
1522
01:15:14,160 --> 01:15:16,162
It is smart. It is mad creative.
1523
01:15:16,360 --> 01:15:18,806
You know, you boys continue to impress me.
1524
01:15:19,080 --> 01:15:20,844
- I'm proud of you.
- Thanks, man.
1525
01:15:21,000 --> 01:15:23,321
- You came up with most of it, though.
REX: I did not.
1526
01:15:23,480 --> 01:15:25,608
- You did.
- That is a lie. It was a team effort.
1527
01:15:25,760 --> 01:15:28,445
You came up with going into the garage,
losing the signal.
1528
01:15:28,600 --> 01:15:31,649
That was brilliant. Kurty came up
with the dark-phone business.
1529
01:15:31,800 --> 01:15:34,849
- That's from "Grand Theft Auto." I took it.
- Genius. Dale, uh...
1530
01:15:35,000 --> 01:15:38,846
I had the thing where you go on the zip
line to the trampoline to the skateboard.
1531
01:15:39,000 --> 01:15:42,368
- Nick shot that down, if you remember.
- Yeah. It wasn't a good idea.
1532
01:15:42,520 --> 01:15:44,090
It was a bad idea, it really was.
1533
01:15:44,240 --> 01:15:47,881
You had a lot of bad ideas though
that led to good ideas. And that is value.
1534
01:15:48,240 --> 01:15:49,685
Thanks, man.
1535
01:15:50,160 --> 01:15:53,050
All right, Nick. Look,
my word is still good.
1536
01:15:53,240 --> 01:15:56,323
You know, if you don't think it can work,
we call it off.
1537
01:15:57,000 --> 01:15:58,764
It's up to you, buddy.
1538
01:16:00,760 --> 01:16:02,569
Where do we get untraceable phones?
1539
01:16:02,720 --> 01:16:04,927
ALL: Ha, ha!
DALE: There we go. That's our guy.
1540
01:16:05,120 --> 01:16:07,691
- This guy.
- There we go.
1541
01:16:11,400 --> 01:16:13,402
Prepaid with bitcoins.
1542
01:16:13,560 --> 01:16:15,085
Jailbroken.
1543
01:16:15,240 --> 01:16:16,730
A hundred percent untraceable.
1544
01:16:16,920 --> 01:16:19,321
- We got it.
- Thanks. Solid. Thank you, Motherfucker.
1545
01:16:19,480 --> 01:16:20,561
Good luck out there, boys.
1546
01:16:20,760 --> 01:16:22,205
[CHUCKLES]
1547
01:16:22,960 --> 01:16:25,406
- What's that laugh about?
- I just said good luck.
1548
01:16:25,600 --> 01:16:28,604
- That was a sinister giggle.
- You said it with a sinister giggle.
1549
01:16:28,760 --> 01:16:31,730
I'm just saying that maybe you guys
might want a little advice.
1550
01:16:31,880 --> 01:16:34,724
- Boy, that was predictable. No, thanks.
- We're good.
1551
01:16:34,880 --> 01:16:38,407
- You know what, then? Get the fuck on.
- That's what I said. Get the fuck on.
1552
01:16:38,560 --> 01:16:40,130
- Wait a minute.
- I don't like this.
1553
01:16:40,320 --> 01:16:42,926
- I wanna hear what he has to say.
- Now you wanna hear?
1554
01:16:43,080 --> 01:16:46,607
- You got one on the hook.
- It'll cost 51 percent share of your company.
1555
01:16:47,360 --> 01:16:48,885
You're out of your fucking mind.
1556
01:16:49,080 --> 01:16:51,765
It's gonna cost you 2 percent share
of your company.
1557
01:16:51,960 --> 01:16:55,407
- So weird how you negotiate.
- It won't be in existence. You can have that.
1558
01:16:55,560 --> 01:16:58,723
- There's a middle ground.
- Here's the advice, young men.
1559
01:17:00,600 --> 01:17:02,409
Y'all criminals.
1560
01:17:02,960 --> 01:17:05,247
- It's never good advice.
- I can't find the advice.
1561
01:17:05,400 --> 01:17:08,643
It's not even true, actually.
We're not criminals. All right?
1562
01:17:08,800 --> 01:17:10,450
DALE: We got clicked into this.
- Shut up.
1563
01:17:10,640 --> 01:17:13,120
See, you can't have this both ways.
1564
01:17:13,280 --> 01:17:17,126
Every time you guys come here, you're like,
"We're a bunch of happy-go-lucky guys.
1565
01:17:17,280 --> 01:17:20,443
Through no fault of our own,
we found ourselves in another pickle.
1566
01:17:20,600 --> 01:17:23,410
We can't get our fingers out of our asses."
Fuck that.
1567
01:17:23,640 --> 01:17:26,405
You're fucking criminals.
You've tried to kill your bosses.
1568
01:17:26,560 --> 01:17:31,088
One of them ended up dead. And now you
want to perpetrate a kidnapping?
1569
01:17:31,240 --> 01:17:35,643
You three are the craziest motherfucking
criminals I've ever seen in my life.
1570
01:17:36,080 --> 01:17:37,411
You wanna pull this shit off?
1571
01:17:38,720 --> 01:17:40,006
You gotta act like it.
1572
01:17:41,160 --> 01:17:42,161
Word.
1573
01:17:53,040 --> 01:17:54,610
Oh. That was embarrassing.
1574
01:17:54,760 --> 01:17:56,842
We're trying to do a super cool
slow-mo walk.
1575
01:17:57,000 --> 01:17:58,520
- Come on, man.
- [IN SLOW VOICE] Easy.
1576
01:17:58,600 --> 01:18:00,364
- It's over. Let's go.
- Where you going?
1577
01:18:00,520 --> 01:18:03,490
- Moronic idea. I am mortified.
- Come on, man. Let's do the walk.
1578
01:18:03,640 --> 01:18:05,130
You gotta stick with it.
1579
01:18:08,960 --> 01:18:11,327
What do you think?
Should I beat myself up more?
1580
01:18:11,480 --> 01:18:15,280
No, you don't need to hit yourself anymore.
I think we should just make the call.
1581
01:18:15,440 --> 01:18:18,523
Hold on. Before we kick this thing off,
can I just say something?
1582
01:18:19,000 --> 01:18:23,483
I'm not really, ugh, good at this
kind of thing, you know? Um...
1583
01:18:23,640 --> 01:18:26,689
My mom died when I was 4, and, um...
1584
01:18:27,760 --> 01:18:30,366
You know, when you're raised
by Bert Hanson...
1585
01:18:30,720 --> 01:18:32,484
...most of your friends are shitheads.
1586
01:18:33,080 --> 01:18:34,730
Um...
1587
01:18:34,880 --> 01:18:38,009
Yeah. I know I dragged you guys into this,
but I'm not sorry.
1588
01:18:39,120 --> 01:18:40,531
Because...
1589
01:18:41,360 --> 01:18:43,408
...I'm really glad I met you guys.
1590
01:18:43,560 --> 01:18:46,166
Anyway, I want you guys to have this.
1591
01:18:46,400 --> 01:18:48,562
- What is it?
- It's an actual fang from Predator.
1592
01:18:48,720 --> 01:18:50,165
- Predator the movie?
REX: Yep.
1593
01:18:51,480 --> 01:18:52,527
I want you to have it.
1594
01:18:52,680 --> 01:18:53,886
DALE: For real?
- Swear to God.
1595
01:18:54,480 --> 01:18:55,561
REX:
Do you like Predator?
1596
01:18:56,600 --> 01:18:57,886
Yeah, I like Predator.
1597
01:18:58,080 --> 01:19:01,243
REX: Kurty?
- Yeah. Yeah, I like Predator too.
1598
01:19:01,400 --> 01:19:04,370
I mean "also," not the sequel.
1599
01:19:04,520 --> 01:19:05,965
- Nick?
- Oh, well...
1600
01:19:06,120 --> 01:19:09,408
...I didn't like Predator
when I first saw it...
1601
01:19:09,560 --> 01:19:12,404
...but it grew on me quite a bit.
1602
01:19:13,480 --> 01:19:15,244
I like Predator a great deal.
1603
01:19:17,600 --> 01:19:20,763
Are we talking about him or Predator?
I'm terrible with metaphors.
1604
01:19:20,920 --> 01:19:23,127
- Let's make the phone call.
- It was lost on me.
1605
01:19:23,280 --> 01:19:24,361
Most things are.
1606
01:19:24,520 --> 01:19:26,568
[CHATTERING ON RADIOS]
1607
01:19:27,240 --> 01:19:28,924
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
1608
01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:31,047
Yeah.
1609
01:19:31,240 --> 01:19:32,571
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT]
You got that cash?
1610
01:19:32,720 --> 01:19:34,449
- Yeah, I got it.
NICK: Yeah.
1611
01:19:34,600 --> 01:19:37,206
Now, I want you to sashay up
to the 4th Street Bridge.
1612
01:19:37,360 --> 01:19:40,284
You're gonna find a bench about halfway up,
take a load off.
1613
01:19:40,440 --> 01:19:43,603
And you bring the amount that we
agreed upon and you come alone.
1614
01:19:43,760 --> 01:19:47,082
And if you do, you will find your son
returned home lickety-splickety.
1615
01:19:49,280 --> 01:19:52,204
Fourth Street Bridge,
he's gonna have him drop it over the side.
1616
01:19:52,360 --> 01:19:56,285
Now, I want every inch covered,
but everyone holds a safe distance.
1617
01:19:56,440 --> 01:19:58,602
Yeah, but not too safe a distance.
Understand?
1618
01:19:58,760 --> 01:20:01,286
This bag is your number fucking one
priority.
1619
01:20:01,640 --> 01:20:04,484
No, actually, your son's life
is our number one priority.
1620
01:20:04,640 --> 01:20:05,971
Yeah, you know what I mean.
1621
01:20:06,760 --> 01:20:09,809
Yeah, I think I do.
1622
01:20:21,640 --> 01:20:23,290
Does anybody have a visual?
1623
01:20:24,440 --> 01:20:26,010
Bridge is still clear, chief.
1624
01:20:26,160 --> 01:20:28,606
Hanson approaching. ETA, two minutes.
1625
01:20:32,120 --> 01:20:33,690
The Blade is in position.
1626
01:20:34,520 --> 01:20:36,648
Majestic, in position.
1627
01:20:37,120 --> 01:20:39,407
I am in...
1628
01:20:40,480 --> 01:20:42,642
Kill Shot is in position.
1629
01:20:42,920 --> 01:20:45,366
- Whoa, "Kill Shot"?
- Yeah, I wanna be Kill Shot.
1630
01:20:45,680 --> 01:20:48,923
- Then you are Kill Shot. I love it.
- Pretty sweet name there, Nick.
1631
01:20:49,080 --> 01:20:52,004
Ooh. We don't wanna use real names
if we're using code names, Dale.
1632
01:20:52,200 --> 01:20:55,522
- Don't say my name, Kurt.
- Mine was an accident. Yours was on purpose.
1633
01:20:55,680 --> 01:20:57,682
- I don't think yours was an accident.
- What?
1634
01:20:57,840 --> 01:20:59,968
Why are we on walkie-talkies
in the same room?
1635
01:21:00,160 --> 01:21:01,491
We're checking the equipment.
1636
01:21:01,640 --> 01:21:04,041
We don't need to.
He's on a TV remote control.
1637
01:21:04,200 --> 01:21:06,440
I was trying to participate.
I didn't have anything to...
1638
01:21:06,520 --> 01:21:10,206
KURT: Hey. Hold up. The Blade's got a visual.
He's here. He's here.
1639
01:21:10,360 --> 01:21:11,640
DALE: Here we go.
NICK: Oh, shit.
1640
01:21:11,800 --> 01:21:14,804
- All right. Kill Shot, make the call.
- I'm dialing. Here we go.
1641
01:21:14,960 --> 01:21:16,007
DALE:
Oh, my God.
1642
01:21:16,160 --> 01:21:17,685
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
1643
01:21:17,840 --> 01:21:19,444
Hey, what's that? Who's calling you?
1644
01:21:20,000 --> 01:21:21,729
- I don't know. It's blocked.
- Oh, no.
1645
01:21:22,280 --> 01:21:23,691
- Hello.
1646
01:21:23,840 --> 01:21:26,207
- Who is this?
- It's me, dickless.
1647
01:21:26,400 --> 01:21:28,289
You're supposed to call the dark phone.
1648
01:21:28,480 --> 01:21:31,131
It's in your hand.
You were to tape that under the bench.
1649
01:21:31,320 --> 01:21:33,402
No, that's not... Oh, wait.
1650
01:21:46,320 --> 01:21:47,731
KURT:
Oh.
1651
01:21:47,920 --> 01:21:50,082
Oh, shit. So, what phone does he have?
1652
01:21:50,240 --> 01:21:53,483
Bert has Kurt's phone
with our contact information on it.
1653
01:21:53,640 --> 01:21:56,211
And the pictures of us
from when we used to be friends?
1654
01:21:56,360 --> 01:21:58,488
Knock it off. Look, this is no big deal.
1655
01:21:58,680 --> 01:22:02,002
We'll do it tomorrow.
As long as we don't call, he'll never find it.
1656
01:22:02,160 --> 01:22:03,161
NICK:
He found it.
1657
01:22:03,520 --> 01:22:04,806
- He what? How?
- We are screwed.
1658
01:22:04,960 --> 01:22:07,611
- Shit.
- Wait, wait, wait. I got an idea. I got an idea.
1659
01:22:07,760 --> 01:22:10,764
Call your phone. If he's talking,
he's not gonna look through it.
1660
01:22:10,920 --> 01:22:12,490
- What's your number?
- You don't know?
1661
01:22:12,640 --> 01:22:15,371
DALE: I don't know my number.
- I don't know. I never call myself.
1662
01:22:15,520 --> 01:22:17,284
I know both of your numbers. 323...
1663
01:22:17,440 --> 01:22:20,011
- That's all I need. I got there. Here we go.
- Okay, yes.
1664
01:22:20,200 --> 01:22:22,407
- Here we go. Okay. All right. Ahem.
- Right, okay.
1665
01:22:23,160 --> 01:22:24,889
[KATY PERRY'S "ROAR"
PLAYING ON CELL PHONE]
1666
01:22:25,080 --> 01:22:28,527
Call coming in. "Roar" by Katy Perry.
1667
01:22:28,920 --> 01:22:30,922
These guys are confident.
1668
01:22:31,400 --> 01:22:32,561
BERT:
Yeah, hello.
1669
01:22:32,720 --> 01:22:34,484
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT]
Look like the grasshopper found himself...
1670
01:22:34,640 --> 01:22:37,246
...a blade of grass to sit upon.
- Too much.
1671
01:22:37,400 --> 01:22:40,449
- [IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] Hello.
- Let's get this over with, pretend cowboy.
1672
01:22:40,640 --> 01:22:43,211
Now, listen, I need you to proceed
to the Mandrake Hotel.
1673
01:22:43,360 --> 01:22:47,331
I need you to go underground into parking.
I need you to get to Spot 4421.
1674
01:22:47,520 --> 01:22:49,921
You're gonna see a big old bag there.
Fill it up.
1675
01:22:50,080 --> 01:22:54,449
And then I need you to proceed north onto
Figueroa and await further instructions.
1676
01:22:54,600 --> 01:22:55,647
Wait, wait.
1677
01:22:55,800 --> 01:22:59,930
And don't think we don't know you got the
law with you. That's something we do know.
1678
01:23:00,080 --> 01:23:03,289
All right? So if any of them cavalry
follow you down in the garage...
1679
01:23:03,440 --> 01:23:06,683
...I'm personally gonna stick a hot poker
so far up your son's ass...
1680
01:23:06,840 --> 01:23:10,561
...I'm gonna pop his teeth like popcorn!
1681
01:23:11,400 --> 01:23:12,686
See? We're back on track.
1682
01:23:13,560 --> 01:23:15,801
I gotta get that phone back.
So many dick pics.
1683
01:23:15,960 --> 01:23:17,724
- Really?
- Yeah, not all mine, though.
1684
01:23:18,240 --> 01:23:21,926
With game-time traffic, he could be here
in less than 10 minutes. How we doing?
1685
01:23:22,080 --> 01:23:24,162
KURT: Almost done.
- Where are the bellhop costumes?
1686
01:23:24,320 --> 01:23:25,520
NICK: What?
- Bellhop costumes.
1687
01:23:25,640 --> 01:23:28,564
Aren't we dressed as bellhops
when we escape with the money?
1688
01:23:28,720 --> 01:23:30,245
This place doesn't have bellhops.
1689
01:23:30,440 --> 01:23:31,487
- It doesn't?
- No.
1690
01:23:31,640 --> 01:23:34,120
I thought there was supposed to be
some sweet-ass...
1691
01:23:34,320 --> 01:23:36,482
- What the fuck are these?
- It's not Halloween.
1692
01:23:36,640 --> 01:23:38,927
- Best I could do on short notice.
- It's not scary.
1693
01:23:39,080 --> 01:23:41,162
- Hey, how do I look?
- Who the hell are you?
1694
01:23:41,320 --> 01:23:42,970
- It's me, Kurt.
- I know that part.
1695
01:23:43,160 --> 01:23:45,970
Terrible. You don't look like Bert,
you look like Mark Twain.
1696
01:23:46,160 --> 01:23:49,846
None of this is like I pictured when we
were planning it. Everything was cooler.
1697
01:23:50,040 --> 01:23:52,247
He just has to look good from a distance.
1698
01:23:52,400 --> 01:23:54,482
- Here we go. Let's do it.
- Let's roll.
1699
01:23:54,640 --> 01:23:58,326
Let's just do what we gotta do, do it
confidently and, uh, we should be fine.
1700
01:23:58,480 --> 01:24:00,164
- Here we go.
DALE: Oh.
1701
01:24:00,320 --> 01:24:02,641
- Hi, boys.
- Oh, hi.
1702
01:24:02,960 --> 01:24:06,123
You staying at the hotel, or is this your hotel?
You staying here?
1703
01:24:06,800 --> 01:24:10,964
I've been keeping my eye on you
since you broke into my office.
1704
01:24:11,120 --> 01:24:14,090
I don't know what's going on here,
and I don't give a shit.
1705
01:24:14,240 --> 01:24:17,642
- Why are you here? What do you want?
- I think you know what I want.
1706
01:24:17,800 --> 01:24:19,370
No, I'm not gonna sleep with you.
1707
01:24:19,520 --> 01:24:21,841
Why can't this crazy bitch
get it through her head?
1708
01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:24,480
- Keep it respectful. Sorry.
- Are you kidding me?
1709
01:24:24,640 --> 01:24:27,086
NICK: Don't call her that.
- I'm gonna make this simple.
1710
01:24:27,240 --> 01:24:29,402
I'm gonna call the police
and send you to jail.
1711
01:24:29,560 --> 01:24:30,686
- Don't do that.
- Come on.
1712
01:24:30,840 --> 01:24:32,604
Unless Dale plows me.
1713
01:24:33,120 --> 01:24:35,600
Why? Why me?
What is so special about me?
1714
01:24:35,760 --> 01:24:38,127
That's a fair question.
Everybody's wondering.
1715
01:24:38,280 --> 01:24:40,886
- I am.
- Did you ever collect anything, Dale?
1716
01:24:41,040 --> 01:24:43,327
- Don't get him going on this.
- What do I collect?
1717
01:24:43,480 --> 01:24:45,130
- Tons of stuff.
- Encyclopedia Brown?
1718
01:24:45,280 --> 01:24:48,045
- New Beanie Babies, makes no sense.
- Battlestar Galactica.
1719
01:24:48,200 --> 01:24:51,204
- Fine. I collect some stuff. Why?
- Okay, well, I collect cocks.
1720
01:24:51,360 --> 01:24:52,521
- Cogs?
- Julia.
1721
01:24:52,680 --> 01:24:54,728
- "Cocks."
- Oh, yeah. Well...
1722
01:24:54,880 --> 01:24:56,803
Mm-hm. Right up here.
1723
01:24:56,960 --> 01:25:01,522
I've got quite an impressive trophy room
filled with cocks.
1724
01:25:01,680 --> 01:25:02,966
- We're in there.
- Don't.
1725
01:25:03,120 --> 01:25:04,884
JULIA:
And at night, when I close my eyes...
1726
01:25:05,800 --> 01:25:06,881
...I reflect on them...
1727
01:25:07,920 --> 01:25:09,160
...I alphabetize them...
1728
01:25:09,880 --> 01:25:10,881
...I dust them.
1729
01:25:11,080 --> 01:25:12,730
Why are they dusty?
1730
01:25:12,880 --> 01:25:15,087
But there's one little problem, Dale.
1731
01:25:15,920 --> 01:25:19,720
See that space?
That empty space above the fireplace?
1732
01:25:20,360 --> 01:25:22,249
- See that?
- You got a cock missing?
1733
01:25:22,840 --> 01:25:27,243
That's reserved for the only man
who's ever said no to this.
1734
01:25:27,800 --> 01:25:29,882
Since I was 11 years old.
1735
01:25:31,040 --> 01:25:32,883
That's you, Dale.
1736
01:25:33,400 --> 01:25:34,481
My white whale.
1737
01:25:34,880 --> 01:25:38,805
Oh, okay. Well, I appreciate that.
I really do. That's sweet, I guess.
1738
01:25:38,960 --> 01:25:41,770
But, hey, here's an idea.
My friend Kurt here loves to plow.
1739
01:25:41,920 --> 01:25:44,207
- And maybe he could jump in for me...
- Absolutely.
1740
01:25:44,360 --> 01:25:46,442
I could pinch-plow. I
got a real green thumb.
1741
01:25:46,600 --> 01:25:51,925
We all know this is just the addiction talking.
If you're looking for more than a quick fix...
1742
01:25:52,120 --> 01:25:55,329
...I can provide you something
that's very meaningful, long-lasting.
1743
01:25:55,480 --> 01:25:56,811
What? What are you talking about?
1744
01:25:57,160 --> 01:25:58,366
I'm talking about us.
1745
01:25:58,520 --> 01:26:00,329
- Us? All of us?
- No.
1746
01:26:00,480 --> 01:26:01,561
- That's even better.
- No.
1747
01:26:01,720 --> 01:26:04,963
More the merrier. I love this idea.
You got a lot of stuff sticking out.
1748
01:26:05,120 --> 01:26:06,724
I got a lot of holes going in.
1749
01:26:06,880 --> 01:26:10,726
At one point of the night, you'd better
make sure that, that one is in this one.
1750
01:26:10,880 --> 01:26:13,531
- Thank you.
- That's not what I meant. You misunderstood.
1751
01:26:13,680 --> 01:26:18,049
I'm gonna go freshen up. Why don't you guys
suck each other off to get ready?
1752
01:26:18,680 --> 01:26:20,205
- Here we go.
- What are you doing?
1753
01:26:20,400 --> 01:26:21,890
What? She's making us fuck her.
1754
01:26:22,040 --> 01:26:23,849
- I'm not gonna fuck anyone.
- Thank you.
1755
01:26:24,000 --> 01:26:26,401
I'm willing to make love to her,
if that's required.
1756
01:26:26,560 --> 01:26:28,722
DALE: Are you serious?
- Uh, can I borrow this razor?
1757
01:26:29,200 --> 01:26:30,326
Yeah. Go nuts.
1758
01:26:30,480 --> 01:26:32,642
Any requests? Landing strip? Dinner roll?
1759
01:26:32,800 --> 01:26:35,087
Uh, whatever's there.
We're in a rush. Thanks.
1760
01:26:35,240 --> 01:26:38,005
JULIA: Hmm.
- I don't wanna commit adultery on my wife.
1761
01:26:38,160 --> 01:26:41,482
No, it's not adultery if you're doing it
to save your family. Okay?
1762
01:26:41,640 --> 01:26:44,371
You think Stacy and your girls
are gonna wait for you...
1763
01:26:44,520 --> 01:26:47,000
...while you're in prison for 30 years?
- They're not.
1764
01:26:47,160 --> 01:26:49,731
Can't we just come up
with some kind of plan, though?
1765
01:26:49,880 --> 01:26:52,929
Oh, yes. Absolutely.
I got a plan. Okay, here we go. Um, areas.
1766
01:26:53,080 --> 01:26:54,764
I'll go butt, face, puss.
1767
01:26:54,920 --> 01:26:57,605
I cannot go in the puss.
That'll make me the most guilty.
1768
01:26:57,760 --> 01:27:01,207
- Good call. How about this? Butt, face, puss.
- That's where I should be.
1769
01:27:01,400 --> 01:27:03,402
I'm talking about a way where...
That's good.
1770
01:27:03,560 --> 01:27:06,484
If we're switching positions,
she'll lose track of who's where.
1771
01:27:06,640 --> 01:27:09,007
- Like the shell game.
- Three-card Monte. Exactly.
1772
01:27:09,200 --> 01:27:11,771
I can motorboat her boobies
and then smack on her butt.
1773
01:27:11,920 --> 01:27:14,446
So long as nothing is done
in a cheap or degrading way.
1774
01:27:14,600 --> 01:27:18,082
- We'll be as sensitive as Dr. Phil.
- I don't know if I can fuck this woman.
1775
01:27:18,240 --> 01:27:21,642
- Think about your wife and girls.
- I'll think about my girls. I can get it done.
1776
01:27:21,800 --> 01:27:24,087
STACY: Ha.
- All right?
1777
01:27:25,320 --> 01:27:26,367
- Stacy.
- Oh, no.
1778
01:27:26,520 --> 01:27:28,443
- How did you find me?
- Been there a while?
1779
01:27:28,800 --> 01:27:30,404
Find My iPhone.
1780
01:27:31,120 --> 01:27:33,248
- I knew you were cheating on me.
DALE: No, I'm not.
1781
01:27:33,400 --> 01:27:36,131
- He's not. We're trying to stay out of prison.
- Prison?
1782
01:27:36,280 --> 01:27:37,486
No one's going to prison.
1783
01:27:37,640 --> 01:27:40,610
- Because we were gonna kidnap someone.
- Kidnapping?
1784
01:27:40,760 --> 01:27:43,206
- No. First, the man kidnapped himself.
- That's right.
1785
01:27:43,400 --> 01:27:45,402
DALE: He forced us...
- Dale wouldn't even do puss.
1786
01:27:45,560 --> 01:27:48,291
- I didn't even wanna do the puss.
- I chose ass both times.
1787
01:27:48,440 --> 01:27:52,161
I said puss will make me the most guilty.
You're not helping me! Shut up!
1788
01:27:52,320 --> 01:27:54,288
Look, uh, this is such
a stupid thing, honey.
1789
01:27:54,440 --> 01:27:56,886
And easy, and nothing sexual
is even happening here.
1790
01:27:57,080 --> 01:28:00,004
Come on, Dale,
this pussy isn't gonna eat itself.
1791
01:28:01,320 --> 01:28:02,321
- Julia?
- Stacy.
1792
01:28:02,480 --> 01:28:03,686
And the babies.
1793
01:28:03,880 --> 01:28:06,929
Look at those babies.
Oh, Dale, they look just like you.
1794
01:28:07,080 --> 01:28:08,605
- Listen to me.
- You are sick.
1795
01:28:08,800 --> 01:28:12,407
DALE: I'm not sick. Please. Can I just...?
- Do not follow me. Do not follow me.
1796
01:28:12,720 --> 01:28:13,926
You fucking bitch.
1797
01:28:14,680 --> 01:28:17,251
Sorry. Really didn't
mean for that to happen.
1798
01:28:17,720 --> 01:28:19,848
Okay, Julia. You wanna fuck?
1799
01:28:20,200 --> 01:28:21,201
Yeah. Heh.
1800
01:28:21,560 --> 01:28:24,291
Why not, right? My marriage is over.
It's basically ruined.
1801
01:28:24,480 --> 01:28:26,687
So how about I ruin that pussy?
That sound good?
1802
01:28:26,840 --> 01:28:28,490
- No, no, no. You're face.
- I'm puss.
1803
01:28:28,640 --> 01:28:30,688
- Yeah.
- No, no, no. This one's all mine.
1804
01:28:30,840 --> 01:28:32,001
What?
1805
01:28:32,200 --> 01:28:34,441
- Let's do it. Let's do it in the shower.
JULIA: Attaboy.
1806
01:28:34,600 --> 01:28:36,921
Is that what you want?
Nice and wet in here.
1807
01:28:37,120 --> 01:28:38,167
[JULIA SHRIEKS]
1808
01:28:38,320 --> 01:28:39,560
[BANGING ON DOOR]
1809
01:28:39,720 --> 01:28:42,690
- I can't save my marriage from prison.
- No, you can't.
1810
01:28:42,840 --> 01:28:44,524
- Great, Dale.
- Let's roll.
1811
01:28:50,600 --> 01:28:52,409
- We lost the wire.
- Shit.
1812
01:28:52,560 --> 01:28:54,562
Should we send in an unmarked?
1813
01:28:54,760 --> 01:28:56,922
We can't risk it. We'll hold here.
1814
01:29:11,960 --> 01:29:14,008
NICK [IN SOUTHERN ACCENT]:
Hello. Howdy-do.
1815
01:29:14,200 --> 01:29:15,680
DALE: You go on this side.
KURT: Stop.
1816
01:29:15,800 --> 01:29:17,211
NICK:
Hey.
1817
01:29:17,360 --> 01:29:18,646
What the fuck is this?
1818
01:29:18,800 --> 01:29:23,567
I do not need that sass-mouth. What I need
is that sack of cash. Now, get it over here.
1819
01:29:24,080 --> 01:29:26,731
Don't you throw it at me. You slide it.
Do it again.
1820
01:29:26,920 --> 01:29:28,684
- No, we'll keep it here.
KURT: Check it.
1821
01:29:31,840 --> 01:29:33,763
DALE: Holy shit.
KURT: Lookie there.
1822
01:29:33,920 --> 01:29:35,922
DALE: We did it.
NICK: There's a pretty bag.
1823
01:29:36,080 --> 01:29:41,086
Okay. All right. Hey. I'll also take that
phone you took from the bottom of that bench.
1824
01:29:41,240 --> 01:29:42,401
What?
1825
01:29:42,600 --> 01:29:45,604
- The cell phone. Give me the cell phone.
NICK: Throw the phone to him.
1826
01:29:45,760 --> 01:29:48,525
Now that fancy jacket and that snappy tie.
1827
01:29:48,680 --> 01:29:50,523
- Get them off. Get them over.
- No.
1828
01:29:50,680 --> 01:29:52,284
- He say "no"?
DALE: I think he said no.
1829
01:29:52,440 --> 01:29:53,441
But we got this.
1830
01:29:53,600 --> 01:29:56,365
- Don't make me use this six-shooter.
DALE: Man's got a shooter.
1831
01:29:56,840 --> 01:29:58,285
You make me sick.
1832
01:29:58,440 --> 01:30:01,410
You're what's wrong with America.
Everyone just wants a handout.
1833
01:30:01,560 --> 01:30:04,769
Take, take, take from the people
who earn their money honestly.
1834
01:30:04,960 --> 01:30:07,770
DALE: All right, let's not chitchat now.
The man does have a gun.
1835
01:30:07,960 --> 01:30:10,691
NICK: You got a real lip on you.
I will shoot you in the chest.
1836
01:30:10,880 --> 01:30:12,882
Well, go ahead. Shoot me.
1837
01:30:13,040 --> 01:30:16,362
- You don't have the balls.
- Yeah, he does. He got big old balls.
1838
01:30:16,520 --> 01:30:18,488
Big mouth. Nothing behind it.
1839
01:30:21,280 --> 01:30:22,400
DALE: Dude.
NICK: Oh, my God.
1840
01:30:22,560 --> 01:30:23,800
- What the fuck?
- Oh, my God.
1841
01:30:23,960 --> 01:30:25,041
What did you do?
1842
01:30:25,200 --> 01:30:26,611
- You shot him.
- No, I didn't.
1843
01:30:26,760 --> 01:30:28,888
- You did.
- That was not supposed to be loaded.
1844
01:30:29,040 --> 01:30:31,122
KURT: What do you mean?
NICK: That's not my fault.
1845
01:30:31,320 --> 01:30:32,481
- Oh, my God.
- Wait, hold...
1846
01:30:32,640 --> 01:30:34,369
[REX LAUGHING]
1847
01:30:42,640 --> 01:30:46,167
Man. You should've seen
your faces right now...
1848
01:30:46,320 --> 01:30:48,004
...when you started blaming each other.
1849
01:30:48,160 --> 01:30:50,049
[CONTINUES LAUGHING]
1850
01:30:50,400 --> 01:30:51,640
What's happening right now?
1851
01:30:52,240 --> 01:30:53,730
I'm fucking you over.
1852
01:30:53,920 --> 01:30:57,686
- No, no. But we're all friends now.
- We are, but what a great twist, right?
1853
01:30:57,840 --> 01:31:01,811
At first I was just gonna take all the
money and throw you guys under the bus.
1854
01:31:01,960 --> 01:31:03,325
I mean, come on. Duh.
1855
01:31:03,480 --> 01:31:07,769
But then when Dad called the cops and
proved he doesn't give a fuck about me...
1856
01:31:08,320 --> 01:31:10,607
...I realized, why take a
few of his millions...
1857
01:31:10,760 --> 01:31:13,809
...when I can inherit all of them
and you guys can take the fall?
1858
01:31:13,960 --> 01:31:18,284
In minutes, the police will be down here and
discover that you killed my poor father...
1859
01:31:18,440 --> 01:31:21,125
...with a gun you stole from my room
when you abducted me.
1860
01:31:21,280 --> 01:31:22,805
That is a lie!
1861
01:31:24,360 --> 01:31:26,886
- He knows.
- He knows. He knows.
1862
01:31:27,080 --> 01:31:28,764
Don't worry, guys-
1863
01:31:28,960 --> 01:31:30,689
I'll take it from here.
1864
01:31:30,880 --> 01:31:32,530
Sorry, Rex.
1865
01:31:32,880 --> 01:31:33,881
But we got you.
1866
01:31:34,040 --> 01:31:36,122
REX [ON RECORDING]:
Why take a few of his millions...
1867
01:31:36,280 --> 01:31:38,851
...when I can inherit all of them
and you guys can take the fall?
1868
01:31:39,000 --> 01:31:40,684
Ooh. Checkmate, bitch.
1869
01:31:40,840 --> 01:31:42,729
[KURT AND DALE CHUCKLING]
1870
01:31:44,560 --> 01:31:47,040
- All right, here. Let's have that.
- Yeah. Yeah.
1871
01:31:47,200 --> 01:31:49,202
- No, I... Right. Sorry.
REX: Thanks, man.
1872
01:31:49,720 --> 01:31:52,405
Didn't wanna hold onto that
for two more minutes?
1873
01:31:52,600 --> 01:31:54,523
KURT:
No, that was a gift.
1874
01:31:55,200 --> 01:31:58,010
- Did you park the Prius in the back alley?
- I sure did.
1875
01:31:58,160 --> 01:32:00,288
- Do you have the keys?
- Here you go.
1876
01:32:01,240 --> 01:32:02,571
[SIGHS]
1877
01:32:03,760 --> 01:32:05,967
I'm really proud of you guys.
1878
01:32:06,480 --> 01:32:10,007
Seriously. You pulled together.
You worked like a team. Just like we planned.
1879
01:32:10,320 --> 01:32:12,368
Dale, we had a lot of laughs.
1880
01:32:12,520 --> 01:32:15,091
I really appreciate it.
I mean, you made me smile.
1881
01:32:16,680 --> 01:32:20,002
Nick, I want you to smile more.
You know? Look at those frown lines.
1882
01:32:20,600 --> 01:32:22,682
Take a vacation. Lighten up.
1883
01:32:23,440 --> 01:32:26,091
- Kurt, I think I'm gonna miss you the most.
- Why?
1884
01:32:26,240 --> 01:32:27,924
Okay.
1885
01:32:28,080 --> 01:32:29,206
Bye.
1886
01:32:29,360 --> 01:32:30,407
Catch.
1887
01:32:30,600 --> 01:32:31,761
- Don't...
- Goddamn it.
1888
01:32:31,920 --> 01:32:34,571
Sorry. I just have good hands.
Fuck. Hang on a second.
1889
01:32:34,880 --> 01:32:36,086
Hey, freeze. Freeze.
1890
01:32:36,240 --> 01:32:39,084
Ha, ha. Dale, come on.
You think I'd give you a loaded gun?
1891
01:32:39,280 --> 01:32:40,327
[GUN CLICKS]
1892
01:32:40,480 --> 01:32:41,606
Ah, Shit.
1893
01:32:42,240 --> 01:32:45,926
I gotta get going. Gotta wait to be saved
at the warehouse by the cops. See you.
1894
01:32:47,760 --> 01:32:51,606
Oh, shit. Good luck talking to the cops.
You have your dad's blood all over... Oh!
1895
01:32:51,760 --> 01:32:55,446
- Can we not keep anything to ourselves?
- Fuck me. I'm so sorry.
1896
01:32:55,600 --> 01:32:59,810
- That's worse than what I did. What did I do?
- You're friends with him. You introduced me.
1897
01:32:59,960 --> 01:33:02,884
We're not gonna be afraid of
an unloaded gun, Rex, you dipshit.
1898
01:33:03,040 --> 01:33:06,647
DALE: He's got bullets. He's got bullets.
KURT: He's got bullets? Fucking hell.
1899
01:33:07,040 --> 01:33:08,724
Kurt, what are you? A 32 waist?
1900
01:33:08,880 --> 01:33:11,406
- Oh, dear God. He's gonna rape us.
- No.
1901
01:33:11,600 --> 01:33:14,126
- Oh, you just want my...
- He just wants the pants.
1902
01:33:17,240 --> 01:33:18,685
[CAR ALARM CHIRPS]
1903
01:33:20,640 --> 01:33:24,645
All-time shittiest idea you guys ever had.
Can't believe you talked me into this.
1904
01:33:24,800 --> 01:33:26,928
- This guy's dead now.
DALE: I know that.
1905
01:33:27,120 --> 01:33:29,122
- He's dead.
- We should've stayed cogs.
1906
01:33:29,280 --> 01:33:32,045
This is taking too damn long.
1907
01:33:32,760 --> 01:33:33,966
Shit.
1908
01:33:34,320 --> 01:33:36,607
This isn't about the bag.
1909
01:33:36,760 --> 01:33:38,603
This is the goddamn drop.
1910
01:33:38,760 --> 01:33:41,843
Move in. Everybody move in now.
1911
01:33:42,000 --> 01:33:43,843
[SIRENS WAILING]
1912
01:33:44,000 --> 01:33:46,970
- Take off the incriminating pants.
- Run around in my underwear?
1913
01:33:47,120 --> 01:33:49,480
Why not throw the body in the trunk?
We got 5 million bucks.
1914
01:33:49,640 --> 01:33:51,768
There's police everywhere.
We're not gonna get away.
1915
01:33:51,920 --> 01:33:53,126
[TIRES SCREECHING]
1916
01:33:53,280 --> 01:33:54,850
Oh, shit.
1917
01:33:58,520 --> 01:34:01,364
- Grab the bag. Get the fuck in.
- Why?
1918
01:34:01,520 --> 01:34:04,171
Lead the cops to that warehouse
before your boy gets there.
1919
01:34:05,120 --> 01:34:09,330
If they see him out walking free,
they just might believe your ass. Let's go.
1920
01:34:10,360 --> 01:34:11,361
Get the money.
1921
01:34:17,000 --> 01:34:18,729
[ALL YELLING]
1922
01:34:26,080 --> 01:34:27,844
Hey. Hey, guys-
1923
01:34:28,000 --> 01:34:30,048
Goddamn it. It's those idiots.
1924
01:34:30,200 --> 01:34:33,283
I knew I never said anything
about kidnapping.
1925
01:34:33,440 --> 01:34:37,126
- Come on. Let's go.
- Following us is already a part of their plan.
1926
01:34:37,280 --> 01:34:40,489
KURT: You never know. Wanna make sure.
DALE: What is the seat-belt situation?
1927
01:34:40,640 --> 01:34:42,369
- I got mine.
- We should put them on.
1928
01:34:42,520 --> 01:34:44,966
- Can I get under yours?
- Hold on to the dashboard.
1929
01:34:47,080 --> 01:34:48,491
DALE: Shit.
- This is the wrong way.
1930
01:34:48,640 --> 01:34:51,120
This is the wrong way. Turn around.
Stop the car.
1931
01:34:52,320 --> 01:34:53,810
- Who you texting?
- My lady.
1932
01:34:53,960 --> 01:34:57,089
NICK: Put it down.
- If I don't check in, she goes crazy.
1933
01:35:01,840 --> 01:35:06,129
By the way, what the hell were you doing back
there in that garage in the first place?
1934
01:35:07,640 --> 01:35:09,085
What's that, now?
1935
01:35:09,240 --> 01:35:10,526
- Holy shit.
- What's going on?
1936
01:35:10,720 --> 01:35:12,961
You were down there
to steal the ransom money.
1937
01:35:13,120 --> 01:35:14,645
Listen, I hustle, I don't steal.
1938
01:35:14,800 --> 01:35:17,485
What the fuck does that...?
What were you doing in the garage?
1939
01:35:17,640 --> 01:35:19,005
[TIRES SCREECH]
1940
01:35:19,160 --> 01:35:20,844
JONES:
I was thinking there was a chance...
1941
01:35:21,000 --> 01:35:23,685
...the drop might go south,
and that guy would kill y'all.
1942
01:35:23,840 --> 01:35:26,810
And in such a scenario,
you'd rather me have the cash than him.
1943
01:35:26,960 --> 01:35:29,486
- He was betting against us.
- You motherfucker.
1944
01:35:29,640 --> 01:35:33,281
- I was honoring your potential death.
DALE: Honoring us?
1945
01:35:33,440 --> 01:35:34,487
What are we, samurai?
1946
01:35:34,640 --> 01:35:36,642
Wait, hold on. Oh, hey. Train.
1947
01:35:36,800 --> 01:35:38,848
- Train! Train! Train!
- Train!
1948
01:35:41,720 --> 01:35:42,881
[TRAIN HORN WAILING]
1949
01:35:45,600 --> 01:35:47,011
DALE: Nice! Woo-hoo!
NICK: Damn it.
1950
01:35:47,160 --> 01:35:48,730
That's how you lose the cops.
1951
01:35:48,880 --> 01:35:51,690
- We're not supposed to lose the cops.
- Don't lose the cops.
1952
01:35:53,480 --> 01:35:54,891
DALE:
That's the whole idea.
1953
01:35:55,040 --> 01:35:57,361
- It was a good thought.
- Going back. This is great.
1954
01:35:57,560 --> 01:35:59,881
NICK: I wish you'd slow down.
You wouldn't make mistakes.
1955
01:36:00,040 --> 01:36:02,646
DALE: Don't criticize the man.
He's doing the best he can.
1956
01:36:04,080 --> 01:36:06,048
Here, I'll let them know. Hold on.
1957
01:36:06,400 --> 01:36:08,880
Hey. We're back. We'll stay here...
1958
01:36:09,440 --> 01:36:11,283
...till all this shit goes by.
1959
01:36:11,440 --> 01:36:12,726
Then we'll all roll.
1960
01:36:13,240 --> 01:36:15,891
What the fuck are these assholes doing?
1961
01:36:16,080 --> 01:36:18,208
- They get that?
- Yeah, I think so.
1962
01:36:18,360 --> 01:36:20,727
- What's that you're carrying around?
KURT: What is that?
1963
01:36:20,880 --> 01:36:22,211
It's for my kitties.
1964
01:36:22,360 --> 01:36:23,771
- You got kittens?
- Surprising.
1965
01:36:23,960 --> 01:36:26,804
- I can't have kittens?
- Why you always jumping on everything?
1966
01:36:26,960 --> 01:36:30,009
- It's weird you're hauling around a cat stand.
- I love pussy.
1967
01:36:30,320 --> 01:36:33,164
- Hey, can I hop out and piss?
- No. We're in a car chase.
1968
01:36:33,320 --> 01:36:36,722
- Super long train. I feel I could get it done.
- It is a lot of freight.
1969
01:36:36,880 --> 01:36:38,609
[CROSSING BELL RINGING]
1970
01:36:40,680 --> 01:36:43,331
[TOTO'S "HOLD THE LINE"
PLAYING ON CAR STEREO]
1971
01:36:44,680 --> 01:36:46,170
Hold the line
1972
01:36:46,360 --> 01:36:48,362
It probably needs...
1973
01:36:48,520 --> 01:36:49,806
Love isn't always on time
1974
01:36:49,960 --> 01:36:51,121
[GRUNTING]
1975
01:36:53,920 --> 01:36:54,921
[COUGHS THEN LAUGHS]
1976
01:36:55,120 --> 01:36:56,690
Hold the line
1977
01:36:56,840 --> 01:36:59,446
It's just too goddamn easy.
1978
01:37:36,160 --> 01:37:39,323
- I feel like I could have pissed by now.
- Let him go. Open the door.
1979
01:37:39,480 --> 01:37:41,323
- Caboose coming.
- Ah, shit.
1980
01:37:43,800 --> 01:37:45,404
[SIRENS WAILING]
1981
01:37:56,640 --> 01:37:58,324
Oh, shit. Cops.
1982
01:37:59,800 --> 01:38:01,131
- Cops. Cops.
- Shit.
1983
01:38:04,000 --> 01:38:05,720
JONES: What happened?
- You lost your stuff.
1984
01:38:05,840 --> 01:38:08,081
- What? Damn it.
- Yeah, you lost your cat stuff.
1985
01:38:09,440 --> 01:38:11,761
NICK: Okay, there's a man there.
Watch out for him.
1986
01:38:11,920 --> 01:38:12,967
Hey! Hey! Hey!
1987
01:38:14,840 --> 01:38:16,922
- Hey, we're boxed in here.
- Not for long.
1988
01:38:17,080 --> 01:38:19,845
NICK: No, no, no.
- I've always wanted to do this.
1989
01:38:20,000 --> 01:38:22,287
[OMD'S "lF YOU LEAVE"
PLAYING ON CAR STEREO]
1990
01:38:22,440 --> 01:38:24,408
Gotta make it last
1991
01:38:24,560 --> 01:38:26,369
[SINGING]
I touch you once
1992
01:38:26,520 --> 01:38:28,602
I touch you twice
1993
01:38:41,960 --> 01:38:43,166
Shit.
1994
01:38:50,440 --> 01:38:51,805
What?
1995
01:38:55,960 --> 01:38:57,041
So where is this place?
1996
01:38:57,240 --> 01:38:59,447
It's up here. Under the bridge.
1997
01:39:00,200 --> 01:39:03,124
NICK: What are you doing?
- You're supposed to go under the bridge.
1998
01:39:03,280 --> 01:39:05,203
JONES:
Relax.
1999
01:39:09,400 --> 01:39:11,402
- The wheels are locked.
NICK: Pump the brakes.
2000
01:39:11,560 --> 01:39:13,050
DALE: Shift down.
- Put it in park.
2001
01:39:13,200 --> 01:39:14,247
JONES:
I can't think.
2002
01:39:15,040 --> 01:39:17,520
[ALL SHOUTING AND YELLING]
2003
01:39:27,760 --> 01:39:29,280
JONES:
Bet y'all loving this fence now.
2004
01:39:29,440 --> 01:39:31,044
KURT:
I've come around to the whole fence thing.
2005
01:39:31,240 --> 01:39:33,208
DALE:
I would've loved a seat belt too.
2006
01:39:33,400 --> 01:39:35,880
NICK: Well, what's the next part of the plan,
Motherfucker?
2007
01:39:40,720 --> 01:39:41,721
[KURT GRUNTS]
2008
01:39:42,680 --> 01:39:43,920
NICK:
Ow.
2009
01:39:44,120 --> 01:39:45,963
[SIRENS WAILING NEARBY]
2010
01:39:49,760 --> 01:39:51,205
There. There. There.
2011
01:40:02,640 --> 01:40:04,324
[ALL GROAN]
2012
01:40:04,480 --> 01:40:06,642
- Hey. Hey, he's not here. We beat him.
KURT: What?
2013
01:40:06,800 --> 01:40:07,961
- We beat him.
- Hey.
2014
01:40:08,320 --> 01:40:09,606
DALE: Ha, ha!
- Hey, nice job...
2015
01:40:09,760 --> 01:40:12,923
- Where's Motherfucker?
- I don't know.
2016
01:40:13,680 --> 01:40:14,761
NICK:
Cops. Cops.
2017
01:40:19,120 --> 01:40:20,565
Hey-
2018
01:40:23,040 --> 01:40:24,405
- Get out of the car.
KURT: Easy.
2019
01:40:24,560 --> 01:40:27,564
HATCHER: Hands up.
NICK: Relax. Please, put your guns down.
2020
01:40:27,720 --> 01:40:29,961
We didn't kill anybody. I swear to God.
2021
01:40:30,120 --> 01:40:33,567
- I don't give a goddamn. Tell it to the judge.
- We didn't kidnap anybody.
2022
01:40:33,720 --> 01:40:36,041
He kidnapped himself.
He'll sneak in any second.
2023
01:40:36,200 --> 01:40:39,283
- He was supposed to be tied up to that chair.
- Right behind you.
2024
01:40:39,640 --> 01:40:41,722
Who? Him?
2025
01:40:42,560 --> 01:40:43,766
DALE:
Yeah.
2026
01:40:43,920 --> 01:40:45,729
Aw, that looks bad. That looks bad.
2027
01:40:45,880 --> 01:40:48,201
- This fucking guy.
KURT: You gotta believe us.
2028
01:40:48,360 --> 01:40:52,206
That's them. Those three, they tortured me,
then said they were gonna kill my dad.
2029
01:40:52,360 --> 01:40:54,522
- Oh, don't listen to that.
- That's garbage.
2030
01:40:54,880 --> 01:40:57,451
Tell me he's okay. Please.
2031
01:40:57,600 --> 01:40:59,921
- I'm sorry, son.
- [WHIMPERING] No.
2032
01:41:01,240 --> 01:41:03,402
- No.
DALE: He killed his father.
2033
01:41:03,560 --> 01:41:06,211
- He's a very strong actor. Bravo.
- Don't buy it.
2034
01:41:06,360 --> 01:41:08,280
HATCHER: Get on the ground.
- We're getting down.
2035
01:41:08,360 --> 01:41:11,807
I can't believe you're buying that acting.
I mean, it's good, but...
2036
01:41:12,000 --> 01:41:14,321
You have the right to
remain silent, assholes.
2037
01:41:14,800 --> 01:41:17,770
You have the right to an attorney, asshole.
You have...
2038
01:41:17,960 --> 01:41:20,042
[KATY PERRY'S "ROAR"
PLAYING ON CELL PHONE]
2039
01:41:22,200 --> 01:41:24,202
Hey. Hey, that's my phone. He has my phone.
2040
01:41:24,360 --> 01:41:26,806
- The phone Bert had on the bench.
NICK: Check that phone.
2041
01:41:26,960 --> 01:41:30,806
If he was tied up here the whole time,
how could Rex have the same phone?
2042
01:41:30,960 --> 01:41:33,201
- They switched pants!
- Yeah. They got it.
2043
01:41:33,360 --> 01:41:35,328
- Check it.
- It's the same ringtone, sir.
2044
01:41:35,800 --> 01:41:37,723
Yeah. That's my phone.
2045
01:41:37,880 --> 01:41:40,531
I have the same ringtone.
It's an inspiring ringtone.
2046
01:41:40,840 --> 01:41:43,081
You were here this whole time
with a cell phone...
2047
01:41:43,280 --> 01:41:45,169
...and didn't bother to call the police?
2048
01:41:45,320 --> 01:41:47,368
DALE: Ah! Ah, ha, ha!
- Yes.
2049
01:41:47,520 --> 01:41:49,329
Shut the fuck up.
2050
01:41:50,720 --> 01:41:51,721
Let me see it.
2051
01:41:51,880 --> 01:41:53,882
I said let me see it.
2052
01:41:54,560 --> 01:41:56,085
Okay.
2053
01:41:58,000 --> 01:42:01,288
- Everybody move the fuck off.
- Yeah, he looks pretty guilty now, right?
2054
01:42:01,440 --> 01:42:03,568
He's definitely suspect.
2055
01:42:03,760 --> 01:42:05,091
Drop your fucking guns.
2056
01:42:05,240 --> 01:42:07,925
You shoot this prick.
You shoot this prick right now.
2057
01:42:08,080 --> 01:42:11,607
You drop your guns or I'll blow
his fucking head off. You hear me? Move.
2058
01:42:11,760 --> 01:42:12,921
Move.
2059
01:42:14,720 --> 01:42:16,245
He's gonna get away with this.
2060
01:42:16,440 --> 01:42:18,920
- This guy doesn't quit.
- He's incredibly resilient.
2061
01:42:19,080 --> 01:42:22,084
- You. Keys in the car?
- Keys are in the car.
2062
01:42:22,280 --> 01:42:24,408
- This fucking guy.
- Calm down.
2063
01:42:24,560 --> 01:42:27,848
This fucking guy took everything from me.
"Calm down, Dale"? No.
2064
01:42:28,000 --> 01:42:30,924
- Fuck this fucking guy. He took my wife.
REX: All right, step away.
2065
01:42:31,120 --> 01:42:34,602
- He took my kids. I'm gonna do something.
- Easy. What are you gonna do?
2066
01:42:34,760 --> 01:42:37,969
- Look who's the predator now, bitch.
- Wait, Dale. What are you doing?
2067
01:42:40,240 --> 01:42:42,129
[YELLING]
2068
01:42:43,680 --> 01:42:45,330
- Dale.
- Oh, I'm shot.
2069
01:42:46,960 --> 01:42:48,485
COP:
Get in there. Get him.
2070
01:42:48,680 --> 01:42:53,288
Cuff this crazy asshole. And beat the shit
out of him while you're at it.
2071
01:42:53,440 --> 01:42:55,329
- Oh, shit.
NICK: Dale, buddy, you okay? Hey.
2072
01:42:55,520 --> 01:42:56,567
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, wow.
2073
01:42:56,720 --> 01:42:58,245
- Oh, shit.
KURT: What was that?
2074
01:42:58,440 --> 01:43:01,125
Dale, let's put this down.
What was the plan here, buddy?
2075
01:43:01,280 --> 01:43:04,489
- I overreacted. It's not even sharp.
- Adrenaline.
2076
01:43:04,640 --> 01:43:05,971
Did it just graze me, or...?
2077
01:43:06,120 --> 01:43:08,964
No, you got hit right in the square
of the fucking chest.
2078
01:43:09,160 --> 01:43:11,242
- Went straight through.
- You're gonna be fine.
2079
01:43:11,400 --> 01:43:13,767
No, I don't know about that.
That's a lot of blood.
2080
01:43:13,920 --> 01:43:16,241
- Don't listen to him. You're gonna make it.
- Ah, fuck.
2081
01:43:16,400 --> 01:43:18,323
Hey, if you want hope, listen to him.
2082
01:43:18,480 --> 01:43:21,882
If you want the truth, I'm your fucking guy,
all right? This is bad news.
2083
01:43:22,040 --> 01:43:25,567
- Can we get some help here?
- Don't worry. We're gonna get you fixed up.
2084
01:43:25,760 --> 01:43:27,922
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
DALE: Is it bad? Is it bad?
2085
01:43:28,320 --> 01:43:29,810
- That's a big fucking hole.
- Yeah.
2086
01:43:29,960 --> 01:43:33,442
- I'm gonna go to this light right here.
KURT: If you've gotta go, you gotta go.
2087
01:43:33,640 --> 01:43:37,201
- Please don't let me die with him talking.
KURT: I'll take care of Stacy and your boys.
2088
01:43:38,960 --> 01:43:40,485
[EKG FLATLINING]
2089
01:43:40,640 --> 01:43:42,881
[KURT MIMICKING EKG FLATLINING]
2090
01:43:44,840 --> 01:43:47,810
- That couldn't be more annoying.
- I'm not trying to be annoying.
2091
01:43:47,960 --> 01:43:49,803
- I'm trying to have fun.
- It's annoying.
2092
01:43:49,960 --> 01:43:52,964
- It worked though. Look at that.
NICK: Look who's talking. You okay?
2093
01:43:53,160 --> 01:43:55,891
You've been drifting in and out.
Nice to hear you talking.
2094
01:43:56,080 --> 01:43:58,162
So, what do the doctors say?
Am I gonna die?
2095
01:43:58,320 --> 01:43:59,481
- Yes.
- Yes?
2096
01:43:59,800 --> 01:44:01,564
- No.
- We're all gonna die.
2097
01:44:01,720 --> 01:44:04,041
It's been touch-and-go,
but you're gonna be fine.
2098
01:44:04,200 --> 01:44:05,565
Doctors are gonna let you out.
2099
01:44:05,720 --> 01:44:08,326
- That's good.
- They did have to give you a bird's heart.
2100
01:44:08,480 --> 01:44:09,845
- Oh, God.
- You okay with that?
2101
01:44:10,000 --> 01:44:11,161
- No.
- He's kidding.
2102
01:44:11,320 --> 01:44:13,971
- We're kidding.
- That heart would've been too old for me.
2103
01:44:14,120 --> 01:44:15,121
How long was I out?
2104
01:44:15,280 --> 01:44:16,611
- Two years.
- Really?
2105
01:44:16,760 --> 01:44:17,966
- Four days.
- That's better.
2106
01:44:18,120 --> 01:44:20,771
Why didn't you play?
Thought we were gonna say two years.
2107
01:44:20,920 --> 01:44:22,331
We've got a woman president.
2108
01:44:22,520 --> 01:44:23,931
[ALL CHUCKLE THEN DALE COUGHS]
2109
01:44:24,120 --> 01:44:25,167
Shit.
2110
01:44:25,360 --> 01:44:27,408
NICK: Look who's here.
- Oh, my gosh. He's talking.
2111
01:44:27,560 --> 01:44:29,767
- You're talking. Hi.
- We'll leave you alone.
2112
01:44:29,920 --> 01:44:33,845
Please. Let me explain everything to you,
there are so many misunderstandings.
2113
01:44:34,000 --> 01:44:37,891
- It's okay. Julia explained everything.
- Don't talk to her. She's crazy.
2114
01:44:38,080 --> 01:44:41,323
She told me everything she put you through
because of her affliction.
2115
01:44:41,480 --> 01:44:42,766
"Her affliction"?
2116
01:44:42,960 --> 01:44:44,962
It's heartbreaking
what she's been through.
2117
01:44:45,120 --> 01:44:47,521
- Hi.
- She also told me that my husband...
2118
01:44:47,680 --> 01:44:50,365
...is the only one that ever resisted her.
2119
01:44:50,800 --> 01:44:53,883
- Okay.
- Dale, you are one lucky man.
2120
01:44:54,040 --> 01:44:56,646
Your wife is so understanding and caring.
2121
01:44:56,800 --> 01:44:59,690
- Right.
- So beautiful.
2122
01:44:59,840 --> 01:45:02,650
She has been so supportive with the babies.
And helpful.
2123
01:45:02,800 --> 01:45:05,883
Oh. Please, it's the least I can do
to make amends for my bad behavior.
2124
01:45:06,040 --> 01:45:07,087
Okay.
2125
01:45:07,240 --> 01:45:09,527
I'm gonna find Dr. Mike,
tell him you're talking.
2126
01:45:09,680 --> 01:45:13,241
Okay, good. Go get the doctor
because I'm feeling a little...
2127
01:45:13,400 --> 01:45:14,731
What is going on here?
2128
01:45:14,880 --> 01:45:18,726
What's up? I'm off the hook? No more
white-whale business? Or any of that?
2129
01:45:18,880 --> 01:45:21,406
- Mm-hm. No more. You're off the hook.
- Really?
2130
01:45:22,880 --> 01:45:27,204
Did you know that when men are in a coma
they can still get an erection?
2131
01:45:27,360 --> 01:45:29,931
It's true, Dale. Coma boners.
2132
01:45:30,080 --> 01:45:31,889
"Coma boner"? What?
2133
01:45:32,040 --> 01:45:37,171
Lots and lots of coma boners.
2134
01:45:37,320 --> 01:45:39,288
Think about it.
2135
01:45:39,440 --> 01:45:41,363
- Oh, shit.
- All right, well, I better go.
2136
01:45:41,560 --> 01:45:44,086
I'm booking a spa day for me and Stacy.
2137
01:45:47,200 --> 01:45:49,441
- I'm gonna fuck your wife, Dale.
- No, no.
2138
01:45:49,600 --> 01:45:52,843
No. Uh, no, you're not.
Hang on. Hang on. No.
2139
01:45:53,000 --> 01:45:54,968
NICK: Hey, there she is.
- Boys.
2140
01:45:55,160 --> 01:45:59,449
You look fantastic. You know, I've been
sending you a lot of unanswered texts.
2141
01:45:59,600 --> 01:46:03,241
- That's not how you catch them.
- I think she said she's gonna fuck my wife.
2142
01:46:03,400 --> 01:46:06,244
- Thought she already did.
- That horse may have left the barn.
2143
01:46:06,400 --> 01:46:08,448
I figured those guys
have been bumping tacos.
2144
01:46:08,600 --> 01:46:11,683
NICK: Super touchy-feely lately.
- I can't process this. This is too much.
2145
01:46:11,880 --> 01:46:14,087
Anyway, so, what's even going on?
2146
01:46:14,240 --> 01:46:17,084
- Did we get in trouble with the police, or...?
- We did, yeah.
2147
01:46:17,240 --> 01:46:19,971
- Yeah. A lot.
- We got arrested for a long list of felonies.
2148
01:46:22,440 --> 01:46:25,683
But because you took a bullet for
the detective, DA got rid of the biggies.
2149
01:46:25,840 --> 01:46:28,844
- Dropped some charges? Nice.
- You're like a little Kevin Costner.
2150
01:46:29,000 --> 01:46:30,206
You're our bodyguard.
2151
01:46:30,520 --> 01:46:33,444
Ha, ha. Pretty sweet. All right,
so I'm guessing we saved the business.
2152
01:46:33,600 --> 01:46:35,011
- Nope. We did not.
- We did not.
2153
01:46:35,360 --> 01:46:37,080
NICK:
The bank foreclosed a couple days ago.
2154
01:46:38,480 --> 01:46:42,963
Going once, going twice, sold.
To D.H. Commercial Trust.
2155
01:46:43,160 --> 01:46:46,960
KURT: But there's good news. The guy who
bought the company is keeping us on to run it.
2156
01:46:48,760 --> 01:46:52,162
- If we bring that down to $300, you've got...
- Lupe. All right.
2157
01:46:52,320 --> 01:46:53,446
Hola, Lupe.
2158
01:46:53,600 --> 01:46:55,329
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
2159
01:46:57,080 --> 01:46:59,003
- Uh, SkyMall?
- Sí, SkyMall.
2160
01:46:59,640 --> 01:47:00,801
Great. That's great news.
2161
01:47:00,960 --> 01:47:03,930
- Uh, SkyMall order is ready to ship.
- The boss is gonna love that.
2162
01:47:04,080 --> 01:47:06,287
Yes. Let's go show him
these great numbers too.
2163
01:47:10,080 --> 01:47:11,684
Are we happy with these numbers?
2164
01:47:12,720 --> 01:47:13,881
They're pretty good.
2165
01:47:14,040 --> 01:47:15,963
- Room for improvement.
DALE: We can do better.
2166
01:47:16,120 --> 01:47:17,246
Oh, my God.
2167
01:47:17,400 --> 01:47:20,609
I just realized. You actually thought
you were bringing me good news.
2168
01:47:20,760 --> 01:47:24,321
The three of you walked in with smiles
on your fucking pathetic faces.
2169
01:47:24,880 --> 01:47:27,360
Why were you born?
Why were the three of you born?
2170
01:47:27,520 --> 01:47:30,967
Looking at you is like looking out
over the Grand Canyon of ineptitude.
2171
01:47:31,120 --> 01:47:33,327
It's a wonder your parents
didn't smother you...
2172
01:47:33,480 --> 01:47:35,164
- Where you going?
DALE: See you next week.
2173
01:47:35,320 --> 01:47:37,561
I have an idea.
Why don't you try a suicide pact?
2174
01:47:37,760 --> 01:47:41,810
And I'm not talking about throwing yourself
off a building or some sleeping-pills shit.
2175
01:47:41,960 --> 01:47:44,042
I'm talking about,
you fuck each other to death.
2176
01:47:44,360 --> 01:47:47,045
Where the fuck do you think you're going?
I own you!
2177
01:47:53,760 --> 01:47:58,800
Well, we have several franchise
opportunities available in your area.
2178
01:47:58,960 --> 01:48:01,725
But, uh, purchasing a store requires...
2179
01:48:01,880 --> 01:48:04,850
...a significant up-front investment.
2180
01:48:05,000 --> 01:48:07,844
Well, in that case...
2181
01:48:12,720 --> 01:48:14,688
...start me off with three locations.
2182
01:48:14,880 --> 01:48:18,043
I'm sure that we can accommodate you,
Mr. Jones.
2183
01:48:18,200 --> 01:48:19,247
[JONES CHUCKLES]
2184
01:48:19,400 --> 01:48:22,370
Please. Mr. Jones? That's my daddy.
2185
01:48:22,520 --> 01:48:24,170
Call me Motherfucker.
2186
01:48:29,400 --> 01:48:31,209
Every... This guy.
2187
01:48:33,760 --> 01:48:37,924
Okay. First we tie up Rex in one
of those abandoned warehouses off 3rd.
2188
01:48:38,080 --> 01:48:39,764
[ALL LAUGHING]
2189
01:48:40,520 --> 01:48:42,204
First we're gonna tie up Rex...
2190
01:48:43,080 --> 01:48:45,606
First we're gonna tie up Rex...
Fuck off, everyone.
2191
01:48:45,760 --> 01:48:50,129
As soon as Bert's car is underground, heh,
the police lose...
2192
01:48:50,280 --> 01:48:52,362
Bert's car goes underground, right?
2193
01:48:52,520 --> 01:48:54,887
Police lose the signal from the wire.
2194
01:48:57,880 --> 01:49:01,168
Do you guys validate parking? Not you
personally, obviously, that'd be racist.
2195
01:49:01,320 --> 01:49:02,890
[LAUGHING]
2196
01:49:03,880 --> 01:49:06,121
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT]
You're gonna pull into Space 4421...
2197
01:49:08,800 --> 01:49:09,801
I gotta call you back.
2198
01:49:09,960 --> 01:49:11,166
[ALL LAUGHING]
2199
01:49:11,320 --> 01:49:12,890
The bank foreclosed two days ago.
2200
01:49:13,040 --> 01:49:14,087
[DALE SIGHS]
2201
01:49:14,240 --> 01:49:16,163
- Hey, but there is good news.
- Really?
2202
01:49:16,360 --> 01:49:17,964
[ALL LAUGHING]
2203
01:49:18,920 --> 01:49:19,967
"Really?"
2204
01:49:20,120 --> 01:49:21,963
We need to talk to somebody legitimate.
2205
01:49:22,120 --> 01:49:26,125
We need to find someone
who can get us our company back.
2206
01:49:27,840 --> 01:49:30,411
I can't take you to the next scene
any better than that. I can't.
2207
01:49:30,560 --> 01:49:31,607
[CREW LAUGHS]
2208
01:49:31,760 --> 01:49:34,081
Well, then I would marry Daniel Craig...
2209
01:49:34,240 --> 01:49:36,481
...I'd fuck Sean Connery
and kill Timothy Dalton.
2210
01:49:36,640 --> 01:49:40,247
I would marry Ed Helms, fuck Bradley
Cooper and kill Zach Galifianakis.
2211
01:49:40,400 --> 01:49:44,803
Marry Crackle, fuck Snap, kill Pop. Right?
2212
01:49:44,960 --> 01:49:46,720
Oh, my God.
Do you know what this looks like?
2213
01:49:46,840 --> 01:49:48,126
What?
2214
01:49:48,760 --> 01:49:50,569
It looks like we don't
know what we're doing.
2215
01:49:50,720 --> 01:49:51,881
[BOTH LAUGH]
2216
01:49:52,040 --> 01:49:53,880
Boy, I'd love it if you'd
stop saying my name.
2217
01:49:54,000 --> 01:49:55,650
[LAUGHING]
2218
01:49:57,400 --> 01:49:59,368
Hang on a second. Hey, freeze.
2219
01:49:59,520 --> 01:50:01,682
Guess who's got the gun now.
2220
01:50:01,840 --> 01:50:03,171
Me.
2221
01:50:03,360 --> 01:50:04,691
[CHUCKLING]
2222
01:50:08,200 --> 01:50:10,009
Where do you think she learned it?
2223
01:50:10,200 --> 01:50:12,521
Maybe from the first movie.
2224
01:50:15,040 --> 01:50:18,931
- Get that chair ready. I'm gonna take a tinkle.
- Oh, but I'm thirsty.
2225
01:50:19,080 --> 01:50:20,445
Save me a shake.
2226
01:50:20,600 --> 01:50:21,647
[SNICKERS]
2227
01:50:21,840 --> 01:50:23,410
I just can't say it.
2228
01:50:25,600 --> 01:50:27,648
So you wanna use the ransom...
2229
01:50:27,800 --> 01:50:29,006
What is it?
2230
01:50:29,160 --> 01:50:32,846
WOMAN: "Y'all plan to use the ransom
to save y'all business."
2231
01:50:33,000 --> 01:50:34,365
I just like to hear you say it.
2232
01:50:34,560 --> 01:50:36,085
[CREW LAUGHING]
2233
01:50:37,160 --> 01:50:38,207
Come on, man.
2234
01:50:38,400 --> 01:50:40,801
Help me help you get revenge
on my asshole...
2235
01:50:40,960 --> 01:50:42,325
[KURT MUMBLING]
2236
01:50:42,680 --> 01:50:44,762
- My asshole...
- Asshole dad.
2237
01:50:46,040 --> 01:50:47,246
[ALL CHUCKLE]
2238
01:50:47,400 --> 01:50:50,961
You have to take what's yours in this...
In this...
2239
01:50:51,160 --> 01:50:52,525
[LAUGHS]
2240
01:50:52,680 --> 01:50:54,569
- I mean, you have to...
- You have to...
2241
01:50:54,720 --> 01:50:57,166
- ...take what's yours in this life.
- Take it.
2242
01:50:57,320 --> 01:50:58,560
Grab it!
2243
01:51:00,360 --> 01:51:03,842
You will pass your empty,
sac-less ball sacs...
2244
01:51:04,000 --> 01:51:05,047
[CHUCKLING]
No, that's...
2245
01:51:05,200 --> 01:51:06,611
[ALL CHUCKLING]
2246
01:51:06,800 --> 01:51:10,805
"Empty shriveled sacs." They're shriveled.
I should know that just looking at you.
2247
01:51:15,800 --> 01:51:18,041
[CREW CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]
2248
01:51:18,200 --> 01:51:20,680
MAN:
That's your credit picture right there.
2249
01:51:20,840 --> 01:51:22,330
[CREW LAUGHING]
2250
01:51:24,040 --> 01:51:26,168
- Here comes the heavy.
- I smell dog shit.
2251
01:51:26,360 --> 01:51:27,805
- Do you really?
- Yeah.
2252
01:51:28,960 --> 01:51:30,485
It might be your acting.
2253
01:51:30,640 --> 01:51:32,290
[LAUGHING]