1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,100
This can help us,
if anything, I think.
2
00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:04,300
We're fine. We're golden.
3
00:00:05,900 --> 00:00:09,600
Look, Allison, I'm sure
this isn't how you pictured
it being, exactly,
4
00:00:09,700 --> 00:00:12,000
and it's not
how I wanted it to be,
5
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,900
but that is why I'm presenting
you this empty box.
6
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,800
It's a promise, Allison.
7
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:19,400
It's a promise
that one day I will...
8
00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:23,700
I will fill this box
with a ring that you deserve,
a beautiful ring.
9
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,300
And I can't afford it yet.
10
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:29,600
I've picked it out already,
though, and it's at De Beers,
and it's really nice.
11
00:00:29,700 --> 00:00:33,900
So basically I'm asking you,
will you marry me?
12
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,500
Because I'm in love with you.
13
00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:40,200
I love you, too.
14
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,700
Really?
15
00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:43,900
Oh, man,
that's so nice to hear.
16
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:47,700
That's the first time a girl's
ever said that to me, so...
17
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,700
But here's the thing.
18
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,200
There's a thing?
19
00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:56,000
I don't really know yet what
that love means, you know.
20
00:00:56,200 --> 00:01:00,000
Just 'cause it's so new,
and it's so exciting
that it's great.
21
00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:04,000
I don't know. We've only
known each other
17 weeks, so it's...
22
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,400
Okay.
23
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:08,300
Honestly, I mean, I thought...
24
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:10,800
I thought you felt weird
that we're having a baby
25
00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,400
and we're not
engaged or anything.
26
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:13,800
I'm gonna get off my knee.
Yeah.
27
00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,300
It's hurting a little bit.
28
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:16,600
No, I'm okay with that.
29
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:19,200
You know, we're just doing
what we can.
30
00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:21,300
We're making the best of it,
and I don't want us
31
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,700
to put any more pressure
on ourselves
than we already have.
32
00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:25,200
Okay. Yeah.
That makes perfect sense.
33
00:01:25,300 --> 00:01:26,800
Are you okay? I don't want
to hurt your feelings.
34
00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:29,700
No, no, no.
Honestly, I just wanted
to do right by you, you know?
35
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,500
So if you don't want to,
that's totally cool, you know?
36
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:33,800
Okay.
37
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,100
I really do love you.
38
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:37,700
I know. Thanks.
39
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,000
You mentioned that. It's nice.
40
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,600
Ben proposed to me.
41
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,000
What?
He did.
42
00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:54,300
It was really sweet.
I kind of feel
a little bit bad about it.
43
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,600
He was, like, wearing
this great little button-down.
44
00:01:56,700 --> 00:02:00,200
He tucked his shirt in.
He got down on one knee.
It was so sweet.
45
00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:03,000
He didn't have
an actual ring, though.
It was just an empty box.
46
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,900
But, you know,
he had this whole spiel
about when he has the money,
47
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,000
he's gonna buy me
the ring that I deserve and...
48
00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:10,900
The box was just empty?
49
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,000
I mean, he can't
afford a ring, so...
50
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:16,100
So he got down on one knee
and gave you an empty box?
51
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,600
Yes.
52
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,100
I'm sorry.
53
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,000
Get over it. It was sweet.
54
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,600
I'm telling you,
if you'd been there,
you would have probably cried.
55
00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:25,600
You need to train him.
Huh?
56
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:29,600
Oprah said that
when two people meet,
57
00:02:29,700 --> 00:02:33,500
they are forced
to point out each other's
differences and flaws.
58
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:36,800
I thought you were supposed
to just accept people for who
they are, love them anyway.
59
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,600
You criticize them a lot,
60
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:41,700
and then they get
so down on themselves
that they're forced to change.
61
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,300
Really? You don't think
that would just make it worse?
62
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,500
That'd be, like, naggy.
63
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:46,900
And then in the end,
they thank you for it.
64
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,200
You can't commit
to him. You can't make
a commitment to him.
65
00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:54,000
You don't even know him.
I don't even know Pete
after 10 years.
66
00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:56,200
What?
I don't know what he's up to.
67
00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:57,600
He's miserable.
68
00:02:57,700 --> 00:02:58,900
Why do you say that?
69
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,200
I think he's cheating on me.
What?
70
00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:04,800
He's always going off
to these business meetings
at odd hours.
71
00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:06,500
And then I try to call him
on his cell phone,
72
00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:09,700
and he says that he's in bad
cell phone reception areas
73
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:12,000
when he's in good
cell phone reception areas.
74
00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:13,600
Maybe he's working late.
75
00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:15,600
You know, I mean, maybe
he's just working really hard
76
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,400
to sign a new great band
or something.
77
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,200
I can't imagine Pete doing
something like that.
78
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:23,600
There's no part of you
that thinks that maybe
he's a dirty little scumbag?
79
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,400
No. Mmm-mmm.
80
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:26,800
I think he might be.
81
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,000
"Memory Spy,
web memory software.
82
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,400
"Locate history files,
websites visited,
83
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:36,500
"hidden downloads, searches,
email history. Memory Spy."
84
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,800
Let's see you hide
from me now, little man.
85
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,600
So you're not even
gonna tell them?
86
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,000
No. You know,
I don't have to tell them.
87
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:56,000
It's illegal for them
to fire me over it anyway,
88
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,800
and I get three months
maternity leave if I stay,
89
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,000
so I'm just, you know,
not gonna tell them.
90
00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:02,800
That's a good plan.
Yeah. I like it.
91
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:07,000
It is a good plan until
her water breaks all over
Robert De Niro's shoes.
92
00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:10,200
"My shoes!
Hey, there's all this
baby goo on it."
93
00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:14,000
"These shoes? On these shoes?
94
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,300
"Did you puke on my shoes?"
95
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,800
"Did your water break
on my shoes?"
"Did you puke on my shoes?"
96
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,200
Oh, my God.
97
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,900
Isn't it weird, though,
when you have a kid
and all your dreams and hopes
98
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,300
just go right out the window?
99
00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:27,400
What changed for you?
What went out the window?
What plans?
100
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:29,300
You do everything
exactly the same.
101
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,100
No, I mean, I love
what I'm doing. Like, say...
102
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:34,600
Okay, say, you know,
before you're married
and have children,
103
00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:36,600
you wanna go live
in India for a year.
104
00:04:36,700 --> 00:04:39,400
You can do it.
But you can't do it
once you have a family.
105
00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:41,500
You wanna go live in India?
I don't wanna go
live in India.
106
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,800
Do you want to go to India?
Go to India! Seriously,
go to India.
107
00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:46,300
What about you?
Do you want to go to India?
108
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,400
I'm not going to India.
You can go to India.
109
00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:49,900
I get what he's talking about.
110
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,800
You know, honestly, like,
when I found out about...
111
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:58,800
I totally, like, I just had this flash
of me, like in a white Ford Bronco,
112
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,700
and I'm just hauling ass
for Canada, man.
113
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,100
The chopper's taping
the whole thing, and I just...
114
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,200
I bust through the border
and I'm a free man!
115
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:07,900
That's all I kept thinking, man.
116
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,400
You know what I'm saying?
It was a flash!
117
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,300
Wait. What do you mean?
What are you...
Don't look at me.
118
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,500
We can talk
about our fears here.
It's not like he did it.
119
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,600
I mean, honestly, like,
if Doc Brown screeched up
in front of you in the DeLorean.
120
00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:18,700
Open the door, he's like,
121
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:22,100
"Hey, Allison, come on. I got
the car here. What do you wanna do?"
122
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,700
No part of your brain would have been,
like, "You know, maybe we'll go back
123
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:28,200
"to that night and I would maybe
put a condom on Ben's dick."
124
00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:31,000
You never got that flash?
No.
125
00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:33,100
And I don't know
what you're talking about.
126
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:36,400
"Where we're going,
we don't need roads."
127
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:37,900
Exactly.
You wouldn't do that?
128
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,600
I don't know who Doc Brown is.
129
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:41,700
What are you talking about?
130
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,800
Doc Brown is the guy
who's Christopher Lloyd.
131
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:45,300
He invented the DeLorean,
the time machine.
132
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:46,600
He's the one who made
the time machine.
What?
133
00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:49,500
It's the time machine.
Everyone has
the time machine image.
134
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,600
Hey. I have
a really good idea.
135
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:56,400
Why don't the two of you
get into your time machine,
136
00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:59,400
go back in time
and fuck each other?
137
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:00,700
Who needs a time machine?
138
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,300
This is my time machine!
139
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,400
I'm gonna throw you
in my DeLorean, gun it to '88.
140
00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:10,600
You are a funny motherfucker,
man. Jesus.
141
00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:14,100
How can you fight with him?
Look at his face.
I just want to kiss it.
142
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:15,800
I think he's cute.
143
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,700
I like the way you move.
144
00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:22,200
This is fun! We should
do this more, I think.
145
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:24,500
I mean, this is, like,
the most fun I've had
in a really long time.
146
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,500
Come on, harder.
I can't do it harder.
147
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,400
Why? Come on.
Come on, just do it. Deeper.
148
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:39,000
I can't.
Oh, why?
149
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:42,000
I'll poke the baby
if I go deeper.
Oh, come on! Just do it!
150
00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:44,200
Please, don't yell at me,
please don't.
151
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:47,100
What? The doctor and Debbie
said it's fine. Come on!
152
00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:49,200
Look, can we... I'm sorry,
can we change positions?
153
00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:51,600
What?
I'm gonna crush the baby.
I know it.
154
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:53,500
This is ridiculous!
Why are we...
No, it's not.
155
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,100
There's no shell in there,
you know?
156
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,300
Millions of people have sex
when they're pregnant!
157
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,600
I don't know how it works.
It just works, okay?
Just do it.
158
00:06:59,700 --> 00:07:02,200
All I'm thinking of
is that I'm gonna...
I weigh over 200 pounds.
159
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:05,400
Just get over it!
I can't do it.
Can you just get on top?
160
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:08,900
All I see is our baby
getting poked in the face
by my penis.
161
00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:10,400
Trust me,
you're not even close.
Okay.
162
00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:12,300
Come on, fine.
Okay, fine.
163
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,400
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
164
00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:18,500
That's okay.
Sorry.
165
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,500
Okay. Oh, good.
166
00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:22,700
I can't. I can't.
167
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,700
I can't. I can't do this,
I just... I can't. I can't.
I can't focus like this.
168
00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:28,700
I look disgusting
from this angle. I can feel
you looking up at my chins.
169
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,600
I know I look gross.
No, you look beautiful.
170
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:31,800
Your chin looks so skinny.
171
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:34,100
And my boobs are all,
like, squishy, and they're
flopping around.
172
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,300
I can feel it,
and it's distracting.
No...
173
00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:37,700
It's all National Geographic.
174
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,500
Okay. Can we do...
Do you wanna do doggie style?
175
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,700
No. I do not want you
to fuck me like a dog.
176
00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:46,700
I'm not fucking you
like a dog. It's doggie style.
177
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:49,500
It's just the style.
It's not...
178
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:53,500
It's not like a dog.
We don't have
to go outside or anything.
179
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:57,900
Here we go.
Okay. Okay.
180
00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,100
Okay, is it good?
Yeah.
181
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,900
Should I go slower?
Yeah, no, that's good.
182
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,300
Okay, faster?
Harder.
183
00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:03,800
Just tell me
when you're close.
Just go harder.
184
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,300
Okay.
Keep going!
185
00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:08,100
Oh, God.
186
00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:09,500
Oh, fuck!
What?
187
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:10,800
What happened?
Oh, my God.
188
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:13,100
The baby, it kicked my hand.
Well, no, no, it always kicks.
189
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,800
No, no, no. Not like this.
No, it's fine. It's fine.
Just keep going.
190
00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:17,300
It was a warning kick.
This was a bad kick.
191
00:08:17,300 --> 00:08:19,200
No, no, it's fine.
It's fine! It's fine!
192
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:21,600
Look, my dick must be like
an inch away from its face,
193
00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,500
and it's coming,
just coming in at its face.
Oh, shit.
194
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:25,100
What if it kicked
'cause it didn't like it?
195
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,500
I can't do that to our baby.
That's the first thing it's gonna see.
196
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:30,100
What are you talking about?
197
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,200
It's having the baby between,
198
00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:34,500
you know, us,
it just makes it weird.
I'm sorry.
199
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,200
It just freaks me out a bit.
It's a little weird.
200
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:37,500
I have totally lost it.
201
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:39,500
You've totally lost it?
I've lost it.
202
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:40,700
Okay.
203
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,100
Great, you know what?
Just forget it.
204
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:44,500
Okay. Okay, fine.
205
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,700
Don't worry. I won't
make you do this again.
206
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:50,000
Shit.
207
00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:06,500
Fuck me!
208
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,500
Oh, my God. It's the Russians!
209
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:13,300
Jodi, I'll protect you!
Oh, man!
210
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:14,500
Ben!
211
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:17,200
Oh, my God.
212
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:19,800
Oh, God. Oh, no!
213
00:09:19,900 --> 00:09:22,200
Oh, God, that was horrible!
That was so horrible!
214
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:23,700
When will it be light out?
215
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,400
Okay, you're fine, man.
Take it easy.
216
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:27,500
Hey, did anybody
turn off the gas?
I didn't do it.
217
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,900
Oh, motherfucker.
218
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:30,800
Hey, Marty.
Yeah.
219
00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:33,100
This is my friend, Alex.
She's a pretty
incredible person.
220
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,200
Okay. Nice to meet you.
221
00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:38,500
Whoa, dude! Not cool, Martin.
222
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,500
That's... That wasn't...
223
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:42,000
Hey, are you serious,
Howard Hughes?
224
00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:44,600
JODl: What happened?
Nothing.
Nothing happened.
225
00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:46,800
Come on.
Where were you?
226
00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:49,500
Look, I forgot
you were sleeping over.
I'm sorry, okay?
227
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:52,300
Yeah, 'cause you're getting
high off your huge bong.
228
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:53,500
How am I supposed
to be comfortable
229
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,300
with the idea that you can
take care of me and the baby
230
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,600
if you are always
getting high?
231
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:58,900
You want me to stop smoking pot
232
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,000
'cause there's an earthquake
once every 10 years?
233
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:04,400
That makes no sense, Allison.
Look, you're being irrational.
234
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:06,300
Just relax, okay?
We're all scared, you know?
You just...
235
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:09,100
Oh, shit, the cops.
236
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:12,900
California, eh?
237
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:35,300
You know, it's times like this
I'm glad I don't own nice things.
238
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,700
It's a big mess,
but there's only like
$50 worth of shit here.
239
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:39,700
And that's kind of the good thing.
240
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,900
You know, my dad told me,
"Don't move to Northridge."
241
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:45,000
But you figure, like, what are
the chances of that happening
twice, you know?
242
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:46,300
What is this?
243
00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:47,700
It's a ninja weapon.
244
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:53,000
I hope this place
doesn't get condemned.
That would suck.
245
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:32,300
Hello?
Hey, it's me.
246
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:35,200
You!
Hi. So, listen.
247
00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:36,900
Will you do me a big favor?
248
00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:38,600
Debbie wants us to come over
and have dinner tonight.
249
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:40,300
She thinks Pete is cheating on her.
250
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,100
Really?
Yeah.
251
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,800
Well, she saw
one of his emails and...
252
00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:45,800
Oh, man.
There's an address.
253
00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:47,500
That sounds terrible.
I don't want to do that.
254
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,100
Ben, come on.
255
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,400
He's not cheating on her.
256
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:52,100
How do you know?
I just know.
257
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:54,500
Are you sure?
I'm 100% sure
he's not cheating.
258
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,000
Are you really?
259
00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:57,600
No.
260
00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,300
It actually kind of makes sense
that he would cheat.
261
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:00,400
Why?
262
00:12:00,500 --> 00:12:02,800
'Cause Debbie's a pain in the ass
and Pete's awesome.
263
00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:07,000
Why don't you just come over
then, and we'll just diffuse
the situation a little.
264
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:09,300
I'm just saying the music industry
is different now.
265
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,300
You can't...
Steely Dan would never
even have a chance.
266
00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:15,100
Well, maybe it's 'cause
Steely Dan gargles my balls.
267
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:16,900
They're incredible.
They really
aren't good, man.
268
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,100
Old Steely Dan.
269
00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:19,500
If I ever listen to Steely Dan,
270
00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:21,800
I want you to slice my head
off with an Al Jarreau LP.
271
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:25,900
Oh, I should get going.
272
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,500
I'm supposed to see this
band tonight in Hollywood.
273
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,000
Actually, they're playing
in Laurel Canyon,
274
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:33,000
so I'll call you 'cause
the reception's terrible
over there, so...
275
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,200
Okay.
276
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,800
And I don't want you to worry
'cause I know you worry.
277
00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:38,000
I'm just gonna jump
in the shower.
278
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,000
It would be terrible if I smelled
worse than the band.
279
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,400
Okay. Have fun.
280
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:44,700
All right.
281
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:50,200
You guys are crazy.
He's acting totally normal
and hilarious.
282
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,500
She doesn't have a gun,
does she?
283
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,500
No. I don't think so.
284
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,700
Looks like no one's home.
285
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,900
Why was the door unlocked?
286
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:25,300
Wait here.
287
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,000
I kind of feel bad for Pete.
288
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,200
What?
289
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:43,400
This isn't a good way,
you know.
290
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:46,600
If you're gonna
get caught cheating,
it shouldn't be like this.
291
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:50,200
Well, maybe he should've
thought of that
before he was cheating.
292
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:51,800
Pete!
Stop it.
293
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:54,500
I coughed.
What do you want from me?
294
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,800
There's nobody up there.
295
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,000
Thank you.
296
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,200
I guess I was wrong.
297
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:01,300
I told you.
298
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:03,500
Can we get out of here,
please?
Yeah, come on. Let's go.
299
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,600
Suck it!
Did you hear that?
300
00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:07,900
What?
I didn't hear anything.
301
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,800
Carlos Delgado.
Excellent choice.
302
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,000
Too bad I got him
three rounds ago.
You're still on the clock.
303
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:29,800
Oh, shit!
You gotta do something.
304
00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:31,600
We need a name.
305
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:32,900
Hideki Matsui.
306
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,200
You just took
my whole outfield.
Sorry, Charlie.
307
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:36,800
What is this?
308
00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:38,100
Debbie.
309
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,300
What the fuck is this?
310
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,100
It's our fantasy baseball draft.
311
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:43,600
We said no wives.
312
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,000
Your fantasy what?
313
00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:48,600
It's our draft
for fantasy baseball.
314
00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:50,800
I told you all about this.
315
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,300
Got Matsui.
316
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,200
Shit!
317
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,900
Hey, Pete, don't let
the door hit you
in the vagina on the way out!
318
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,100
Come on, who's going?
Prince,
you're on the clock.
319
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,000
I should have told you.
320
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,600
What else have you
been lying about?
Nothing...
321
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:07,600
That guy said,
322
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,400
"Don't let the door hit you
in the vagina on the way out."
323
00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:12,100
Yeah, I heard him.
324
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,600
That was hilarious.
325
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:16,400
It's just that I know you've
been mad 'cause I've
been working so much,
326
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:17,900
and I didn't want
to upset you.
327
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,200
I wouldn't be mad.
I don't get mad.
328
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:23,500
It's a fantasy baseball draft.
I'm not cheating or anything.
329
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,300
No, this is worse.
330
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:26,800
How is this worse?
331
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:31,300
This is you wanting
to be with your friends
more than your family.
332
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,600
Look, the reason I make
that up is because if I told
you what I was really doing,
333
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,200
you would just get mad.
334
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:40,900
So you think I'm seeing
a band, I do my fantasy draft,
and it's win-win.
335
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:45,400
Well, what'd you do last
Wednesday night when you said
you went to see a band?
336
00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:46,700
I went to the movies.
337
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,800
With who?
By myself.
338
00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:50,400
What'd you see?
339
00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:51,900
Spider-Man 3.
340
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:54,500
Why do you want
to go by yourself?
Why didn't you ask me to go?
341
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,000
Because I needed
to get away, you know.
342
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:59,100
With work and you
and the kids, sometimes I just
need some time to myself.
343
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,100
I need time for myself.
I want time for myself, too.
344
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,100
You're not the only one.
345
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:06,100
It's not that big of a deal.
346
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,600
I like Spider-Man.
347
00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:11,800
Okay, so let's see
Spider-Man 3 next week.
348
00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:14,300
I don't wanna go see it now.
349
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,200
I don't wanna have
to ask you to ask me.
350
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,300
I want you to just come up
with it on your own.
351
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,900
I don't even know what to say.
What do you want me to do?
352
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:28,000
You just think because
you don't yell that you're
not mean, but this is mean.
353
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:30,800
I'm not being mean.
I'm being honest.
354
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:32,200
You're telling me
I need to be honest.
355
00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:34,200
No, you're not. You're lying.
356
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:38,000
I'm doing it because I need to
keep my sanity a little bit.
357
00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:43,000
You know what?
I don't want you
at the house anymore, okay?
358
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:45,500
Come on.
359
00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:48,800
Shit, she's coming back.
360
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,200
How come we go to
the gynecologist so often?
361
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:56,400
I bet we have to go so much
so we can pay for that
$300,000 machine he has.
362
00:16:56,400 --> 00:17:01,600
I cannot stop thinking
about what an asshole Pete is.
363
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,800
That's a little strong,
I would say.
364
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:06,900
Really?
365
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,800
'Cause that had to be
one of the most selfish things
I've ever witnessed.
366
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,200
It's understandable,
I would say. I even think
it's kind of funny.
367
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,100
What's funny about it?
368
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,400
Well, you won't laugh now,
I wouldn't imagine,
369
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:21,500
but, you know, the situation.
370
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,600
We break into this stranger's house
371
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,800
thinking we're gonna find him
sleeping with a woman,
372
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,400
and it's a bunch of nerds
playing fantasy baseball.
373
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:31,700
If you saw that, like,
on television, you would laugh.
374
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,800
Is that what you think?
Is that what you wanna do, Ben?
375
00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:37,200
I don't even
like baseball.
376
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:40,800
I'm just saying,
when you're a guy and,
you know, you have a family,
377
00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:43,300
you have responsibility,
you lose that male camaraderie.
378
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,800
And I get that.
I totally understand
where he's coming from.
379
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,300
Why do guys always go
to that place?
380
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,400
"We miss male camaraderie."
Why do I give a shit?
381
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:53,300
Go hang out with your bearded
freak friends. I don't care.
382
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,400
You wanna hang out with guys
that look like the shoe
bomber, it's all on you, man.
383
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:58,000
What the fuck
am I supposed to say to that?
384
00:17:58,100 --> 00:17:59,100
You should just support me!
385
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,500
You know, you should just
support everything I say
386
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:04,100
because at this juncture in my life,
I'm allowed to be wrong!
387
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,700
So if you're wrong,
I have to support it?
Yes!
388
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,700
I can't tell you that
you're acting like a lunatic?
389
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,100
No.
No? Okay.
390
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,200
That's helpful.
You have to do nothing!
391
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:13,400
I've sacrificed
a lot of shit to do this!
392
00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:15,000
You haven't
sacrificed anything!
I have.
393
00:18:15,100 --> 00:18:19,300
I've had to sacrifice my job,
my body, my youth, my vagina!
394
00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:20,600
You've sacrificed your vagina?
395
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,400
Yes! It will never look
the same after this!
396
00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:29,200
Well. Fine. I'm sorry,
I'll pay for vaginal
reconstructive surgery.
397
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,600
You can't pay for shit!
You can barely buy spaghetti!
398
00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:34,000
You're right! Fine! Okay.
399
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,200
You know what?
Get out of the car.
400
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,900
You know what? How...
401
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:39,200
Why don't you not threaten me?
402
00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:41,200
You should just get out
of the fucking car.
403
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,400
I'm not gonna get out of the car
in the middle of nowhere! No!
404
00:18:43,300 --> 00:18:44,400
Get out of the car!
No.
405
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:46,800
I own this car!
Get out of my car!
No.
406
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:47,900
Get out of my car!
No.
407
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,100
Get out of my fucking car!
408
00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:03,700
Can you let me back
in the car, please?
409
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,600
Have you calmed down?
Did you take a breath?
410
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,100
I have no clue where we are!
411
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:13,700
Fine. Go.
412
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:19,800
Great.
413
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:38,400
Okay.
414
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:43,100
Maybe I should take
my shoes off. Or my belt
buckle, my belt buckle's huge.
415
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,500
Don't worry
about gaining weight.
416
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,500
Your baby wants you to gain
a whole mess of weight.
417
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:48,700
Are you fucking kidding me?
418
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,100
Why don't you take off
your earrings, too?
They weigh about 80 pounds.
419
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,300
They're made out of moon rocks,
aren't they?
420
00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:55,000
Do not make fun of me.
Okay? I am hormonal.
421
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:57,200
I am terrified,
and I am falling apart,
422
00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:59,500
so stop treating everything
like it's a big joke!
423
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:00,900
Okay, I'm sorry
you're freaking out,
424
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:04,200
but I just walked
three fucking miles through
Koreatown to get here!
425
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:06,100
Sorry if I'm trying
to lighten the mood a little.
426
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:07,300
Well, don't, okay?
427
00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:09,200
You can't take anything seriously!
428
00:20:09,300 --> 00:20:11,000
You know, you didn't even
read the baby books.
429
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,800
I didn't read the baby book!
What's gonna happen?
430
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:16,600
How did anyone ever give birth
without a baby book?
431
00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:19,600
That's right. The ancient
Egyptians fucking engraved
432
00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:22,100
What to Expect
When You're Expecting
on the pyramid walls!
433
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,500
I forgot about that!
434
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:26,200
Who gives a flying fuck
about the baby books?
435
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:28,600
It just shows your lack
of commitment, Ben!
436
00:20:28,700 --> 00:20:31,000
That you're not in this with me!
437
00:20:31,100 --> 00:20:34,300
Did you just say "my lack
of commitment"? 'Cause
that's what it sounded like.
438
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:39,400
It almost seems as though
you forgot I proposed
to you, like an asshole!
439
00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:41,200
And you said no to me!
440
00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:43,300
If you feel that way,
you should just go.
441
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:44,800
Really. Just go.
442
00:20:44,900 --> 00:20:47,500
Because we didn't mean
to do this together, okay?
443
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:51,500
And... And we tried
to make it work
and that was good, I suppose.
444
00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:53,100
But it doesn't work.
445
00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:55,500
Because we are two
completely different people.
446
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:59,000
And I think it would just be
easier for both of us
if we stop fooling ourselves.
447
00:20:59,100 --> 00:21:01,300
You know, I know
this isn't you talking,
it's your hormones,
448
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,400
but I would just like to say,
fuck you, hormones!
449
00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:08,900
You are a crazy bitch,
hormones.
Not Allison! Hormones!
450
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,100
Fuck them! It's a girl!
Buy some pink shit!
451
00:21:12,100 --> 00:21:14,300
Nice. You are such an asshole.
452
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,400
You know what?
Go fuck your fucking bong, you fuck!
453
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:20,500
I will fuck my bong.
Doggie style, for once.
454
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,200
Are you ready?
455
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,500
I'm really sorry about all that.
That was really inappropriate.
456
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,000
Oh, no, that's okay.
It happens all the time here.
It's fine.
457
00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:36,500
Oh, good, okay,
I don't feel so stupid, then.
No, no, not at all.
458
00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:39,300
I totally know what
you're talking about, man.
459
00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:43,000
Like, if I wrote out
the list of shit Allison
doesn't let me do,
460
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:47,200
like, it would be endless.
"Don't smoke pot. Don't have
samurai swords in your room.
461
00:21:47,300 --> 00:21:49,700
"Don't have illegal grow
operations in the house."
462
00:21:49,700 --> 00:21:51,800
I mean, like,
I could go on all fucking day.
463
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:55,300
Have I told her to stop
doing anything ever? No.
464
00:21:55,300 --> 00:21:57,100
Marriage is like that show,
Everybody Loves Raymond,
465
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:58,600
but it's not funny.
466
00:21:58,700 --> 00:22:01,300
All the problems are the same,
but it's...
467
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,600
You know, instead of
all the funny, pithy dialog,
468
00:22:03,700 --> 00:22:06,900
everybody's just really
pissed off and tense.
469
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:11,500
Marriage is like an unfunny,
tense version of
Everybody Loves Raymond.
470
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,000
But it doesn't last 22 minutes.
471
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,700
It lasts forever.
472
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,700
Let's get out of here, man.
Honestly, like, let's just go.
473
00:22:21,700 --> 00:22:23,700
Let's go to Vegas.
Let's do it.
474
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,100
Yeah.
Why not?
475
00:22:30,900 --> 00:22:32,000
Get up.
What?
476
00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:33,200
We're not gonna do this.
What?
477
00:22:33,300 --> 00:22:34,500
Seriously.
478
00:22:36,700 --> 00:22:37,800
What are you doing?
479
00:22:37,900 --> 00:22:41,300
We have to go do something
and have fun!
480
00:22:42,500 --> 00:22:43,700
I'm just so tired.
481
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,000
I know you're tired.
482
00:22:45,100 --> 00:22:48,300
But we're gonna be untired!
We're gonna go live!
483
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:51,600
I hate you so much sometimes.
484
00:22:51,700 --> 00:22:53,000
We're gonna be positive.
485
00:22:53,100 --> 00:22:55,600
Positive, positive, positive! Up!
486
00:22:55,700 --> 00:22:57,000
How many Red Bulls have you had?
487
00:22:57,100 --> 00:22:59,900
I've had about three Red Bulls
in the last 15 minutes.
488
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,400
And I feel fabulous!
489
00:23:01,500 --> 00:23:05,200
We're gonna create a new life
and it's gonna be awesome!
490
00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:07,200
Get up! Let's go!
491
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,700
Since when do we lock
this fucking thing? Come on!
492
00:23:16,500 --> 00:23:18,200
We can't go, dude. Sorry.
493
00:23:18,300 --> 00:23:20,400
Holy crap! What happened?
494
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:22,000
We got pink eye.
495
00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:24,000
What, you giving each other
butterfly kisses or something?
496
00:23:24,100 --> 00:23:26,200
Ha, ha, ha. Very funny.
That's not how you get pink eye.
497
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,500
You get it from poo particles
making their way
into your ocular cavities.
498
00:23:29,700 --> 00:23:32,100
Hey, Ben. How's it going?
Yo.
499
00:23:32,300 --> 00:23:34,800
I farted on Jason's pillow
as a practical joke.
500
00:23:34,900 --> 00:23:37,000
He farted on Jonah's,
thinking it was mine,
501
00:23:37,100 --> 00:23:40,600
and then eventually
pink-eyed my pillow.
502
00:23:40,700 --> 00:23:45,200
I'm not proud of any of this,
but I think we've all
forgiven each other.
503
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:47,500
But we can't go anywhere.
504
00:23:47,500 --> 00:23:49,700
You can get pink eye
from farting in a pillow?
505
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,000
Totally.
Mmm-hmm.
506
00:23:51,100 --> 00:23:52,400
That's awesome!
507
00:23:52,500 --> 00:23:54,200
Yeah, but you got
to be bare-assed.
508
00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:55,600
Jesus, Martin got it bad!
509
00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:57,900
What, did someone take a dump
right in your eye?
510
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,800
No. No pink eye for me.
511
00:24:01,700 --> 00:24:04,500
I'm just really high.
512
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,500
Well, stay back, guys.
I got to get my suit, okay?
513
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:11,400
Fuck you.
514
00:24:13,700 --> 00:24:15,300
Are you Debbie's husband?
515
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:16,000
Yeah.
516
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,000
This is fun!
This is great.
517
00:24:22,100 --> 00:24:24,100
It's just fun, man.
We're gonna have
the best time ever.
518
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,300
We make a good team, man.
Yeah.
519
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,400
It's like, I can't come here
with Debbie.
520
00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:30,400
She wouldn't understand it.
She doesn't understand.
521
00:24:30,500 --> 00:24:33,100
She wants to hold me in,
and she was telling Allison
she could train you.
522
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:34,400
She thinks she could train me?
523
00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:35,900
Yeah, like you're running
the Triple Crown.
524
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,900
She can't train this!
I'm like Siegfried
and Roy's Bengal.
525
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,800
You think I'm trained. I'II...
526
00:24:40,900 --> 00:24:42,800
I'll bite
your fucking face off!
That's right.
527
00:24:42,900 --> 00:24:44,200
In front of a crowd, baby.
528
00:24:44,300 --> 00:24:48,100
This is better. Besides,
I don't know if I have enough
of these babies to go around.
529
00:24:48,100 --> 00:24:49,500
My God! Are these mushrooms?
530
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,000
Uh-huh. I got them from
a roadie for the Black Crowes.
531
00:24:51,100 --> 00:24:52,100
I'm eating them.
532
00:24:52,300 --> 00:24:54,800
No, no, no. Save it!
I got tickets
to Cirque du Soleil.
533
00:24:54,900 --> 00:24:56,600
You do? No, you don't.
534
00:24:56,500 --> 00:24:57,800
I swear to God, man.
535
00:24:57,900 --> 00:24:59,700
Holy shit!
536
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:01,400
See? I see the beam of light.
537
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:03,700
There it is, baby! Whoo-hoo!
538
00:25:03,700 --> 00:25:06,200
You're so money
that you don't even know
how much money you have.
539
00:25:06,300 --> 00:25:09,000
You're money, baby!
You're money!
540
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:15,300
I love Vegas, man.
541
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,100
This is the greatest place
on Earth.
542
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:20,200
It's really amazing here.
You got my tie!
543
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,800
This is awesome!
544
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,500
Now, that's how you get pink eye.
545
00:25:33,900 --> 00:25:36,700
Hey, what's up? Baby girl.
546
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:38,000
Hi.
547
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,100
What's up?
End of the line, please.
548
00:25:40,700 --> 00:25:42,300
Really?
Yeah.
549
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:45,200
Oh, come on.
550
00:25:45,300 --> 00:25:47,500
Look, we're at capacity, okay?
551
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:49,400
We'll let some people in
when it clears out a little.
552
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,600
You'll get right in if you go
back to the end of the line.
553
00:25:52,700 --> 00:25:54,500
We come here all the time.
It's not a big deal.
554
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:56,300
It doesn't really look
that crowded in there.
555
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,300
Hey, look.
I don't make the rules.
556
00:25:58,400 --> 00:25:59,400
Please?
557
00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:01,000
No.
558
00:26:01,100 --> 00:26:04,700
Hey, what's up, shorty?
What's up, pretty girls?
559
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,600
See y'all when y'all get out.
560
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,200
Watch yourself.
561
00:26:10,300 --> 00:26:11,900
What was that?
562
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,100
What the fuck was that?
It is what it is, sweetie.
563
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:15,200
Now can you step
to the back, please?
564
00:26:15,300 --> 00:26:16,900
You don't need
to call me sweetie.
Maybe we should just go.
565
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,000
Maybe you should
listen to your friend.
566
00:26:18,100 --> 00:26:19,200
No, you don't need
to call me sweetie.
567
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,300
All right, you want to come in,
you're gonna have to go
568
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,500
to the end of the line
and wait like everybody else.
569
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:25,100
I'm not gonna go to
the end of the fucking line.
570
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:26,400
Who the fuck are you?
571
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,200
I have just as much of
a right to be here
572
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:30,800
as any of these
little skanky girls!
573
00:26:30,900 --> 00:26:32,600
What, am I not
skanky enough for you?
574
00:26:32,700 --> 00:26:34,400
You want me to hike up
my fucking skirt?
575
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,600
What the fuck is your problem?
I'm not going anywhere!
576
00:26:37,700 --> 00:26:40,500
You're just some roided out
freak with a fucking clipboard!
577
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,400
And your stupid little fucking
rope! You know what?
578
00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:46,100
You may have power now,
but you're not God!
579
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,100
You're a doorman! Okay?
580
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:53,400
You're a doorman, doorman,
doorman, doorman, doorman!
581
00:26:53,500 --> 00:26:57,000
So, fuck you, you fucking fag
582
00:26:57,100 --> 00:26:59,000
with your fucking little
faggy gloves.
583
00:27:05,900 --> 00:27:07,100
I know.
584
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,500
You're right. I'm so sorry.
585
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,400
I fucking hate this job.
586
00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:17,900
I don't want to be the one to pass
judgment and decide who gets in.
587
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,000
This shit makes me sick
to my stomach.
588
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,500
I get the runs from the stress.
589
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,700
It's not 'cause you're not hot.
I would love to tap that ass.
590
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,900
I would tear that ass up.
591
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:32,700
I can't let you in
'cause you're old as fuck,
for this club,
592
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,400
not, you know, for the Earth.
593
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:36,400
What?
594
00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:38,200
You old. She pregnant.
595
00:27:38,300 --> 00:27:41,100
Can't have a bunch of old,
pregnant bitches running around.
596
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:42,600
That's crazy.
597
00:27:42,700 --> 00:27:47,200
I'm only allowed to let in
5% black people. He said that. 5%.
598
00:27:47,300 --> 00:27:49,100
That mean if there's
25 people here,
599
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,800
I get to let in one-and-a-quarter
black people.
600
00:27:51,900 --> 00:27:54,300
So I got to hope there's a black midget
in the crowd.
601
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,500
Now I feel guilty. I'm sorry.
602
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,000
Why y'all wanna be in here anyway?
603
00:27:58,000 --> 00:27:59,900
Y'all need to be
at a yoga class or something.
604
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:01,900
What the fuck is she doing at the club?
605
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,200
That's not even
good parenting right there.
606
00:28:04,300 --> 00:28:06,700
Your old ass should know better than that.
607
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,100
Oh, God.
608
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,800
Have the mushrooms
kicked in yet?
609
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,400
This was a great idea, man.
610
00:28:41,500 --> 00:28:44,600
This is the best idea
I've ever had in my life.
611
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,600
What are they gonna do?
612
00:28:50,700 --> 00:28:56,700
What in the world
are they doing?
613
00:28:56,800 --> 00:29:00,500
If I shaved my stomach
and my chest, I would look
exactly like that.
614
00:29:01,500 --> 00:29:03,800
Those guys are
at work right now.
615
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:07,900
"What'd you do today?"
"I just lifted my brother."
616
00:29:09,100 --> 00:29:12,200
No. Don't applaud. He'll fall.
617
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,400
I'm freaking out
right now, man.
618
00:29:18,500 --> 00:29:20,700
The mushrooms are turning on me.
619
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:27,800
Papa.
620
00:29:27,900 --> 00:29:29,600
I'm not your papa!
621
00:29:30,100 --> 00:29:31,800
Papa!
622
00:29:33,900 --> 00:29:36,200
I can't deal
with this shit, man!
623
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:41,000
Hold up. Hold up.
Ben, wait. Ben, Ben, Ben, wait!
624
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,300
It's over.
625
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:48,500
What's over?
626
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:49,800
My youth.
627
00:29:49,900 --> 00:29:51,500
Oh, don't say that.
628
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,000
It's true.
629
00:29:54,500 --> 00:29:57,900
I just wanna dance.
I love dancing.
So dance.
630
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,200
I can't dance.
I'm embarrassed.
631
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,100
I should be embarrassed.
632
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:06,700
I'm a fucking whale,
and I'm trying to get
into some stupid club and...
633
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:08,500
No, you look beautiful.
634
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:10,500
And you're young
and you're tall,
635
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:14,200
and you got the good lips
and boobs, and you're young still.
636
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,600
I'm gonna be alone.
637
00:30:16,700 --> 00:30:17,800
Debbie, no, you're not.
638
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:19,200
Yes, I am.
639
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:23,200
Oh, God!
640
00:30:24,300 --> 00:30:26,300
Fucking men!
641
00:30:27,900 --> 00:30:31,600
I get worse-Iooking
and he gets better-Iooking,
642
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:33,800
and it's so fucking unfair.
643
00:30:35,300 --> 00:30:36,500
Oh, fuck.
644
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:38,700
We should go.
645
00:30:40,300 --> 00:30:44,000
My babysitter always gets mad
when we come home past 12:00.
646
00:30:45,100 --> 00:30:48,800
She's such a pissy
little high-school cunt.
647
00:30:51,300 --> 00:30:53,200
Let's move, gang!
Come on, come on, come on!
648
00:30:53,300 --> 00:30:54,400
Jessica,
can you get these plates
649
00:30:54,500 --> 00:30:56,200
and put them
on the table, please?
This isn't funny.
650
00:30:56,300 --> 00:30:58,100
That guy has 12 kids.
It's not funny. It's...
651
00:30:58,100 --> 00:30:59,400
Now I get
to start all over again!
652
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:01,800
This is sick.
This is a sick movie.
653
00:31:01,900 --> 00:31:05,800
That's a lot of responsibility to be
joking about. That's not funny.
654
00:31:05,900 --> 00:31:08,000
I got to turn this off.
It's freaking me out.
655
00:31:08,100 --> 00:31:10,500
There are five different types
of chairs in this hotel room.
656
00:31:10,500 --> 00:31:12,100
Holy fuck. What are they
all doing in here?
657
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:13,800
These are five
different types of chairs.
658
00:31:13,900 --> 00:31:16,800
Get them out of here, man.
This is too many chairs for one room.
659
00:31:16,900 --> 00:31:19,500
There's a guy that works
for this hotel. His whole job
is to find chairs.
660
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,100
Look at this one. Look at it.
661
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:22,800
It's gold and red,
and it's kind of shiny.
662
00:31:22,900 --> 00:31:24,400
Shiny thread? Unbelievable.
663
00:31:24,500 --> 00:31:27,100
It is beautiful
and it feels amazing.
664
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:30,400
The tall one's gawking at me
and the short one's being very droll.
665
00:31:30,500 --> 00:31:31,500
I don't like them.
666
00:31:31,500 --> 00:31:32,700
Oh, wow.
667
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:36,000
It's weird that chairs even exist
when you're not sitting on them.
668
00:31:36,100 --> 00:31:39,000
I'm up high!
I'm really high up.
669
00:31:39,100 --> 00:31:41,300
I should've read
the baby books.
670
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,100
Why didn't you read
the baby books?
671
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:44,900
'Cause then it's real,
you know?
672
00:31:44,900 --> 00:31:46,900
Dude, it's real whether
or not you read those books.
673
00:31:46,900 --> 00:31:49,300
That baby's coming.
674
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,300
Oh, man!
675
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,000
Think they'll take us back?
676
00:31:53,100 --> 00:31:54,300
Yes.
677
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:57,900
But I don't know why.
678
00:31:57,900 --> 00:32:00,300
Do you ever wonder how somebody
could even like you?
679
00:32:00,300 --> 00:32:03,300
All the time, man. Like every day.
I wonder how you like me.
680
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:07,200
How can Debbie like me?
She likes me. I mean, she loves me.
681
00:32:07,300 --> 00:32:10,200
The biggest problem
in our marriage is that
she wants me around.
682
00:32:10,300 --> 00:32:11,300
She loves me so much
683
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:13,700
that she wants me
around all the time.
684
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,700
That's our biggest problem.
And I can't even accept that?
685
00:32:16,700 --> 00:32:18,100
Like that upsets me?
686
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:19,300
What?
687
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:20,900
She's the one. She loves me.
688
00:32:20,900 --> 00:32:24,000
You can't believe
people love you?
689
00:32:24,100 --> 00:32:27,100
I love you, man!
Debbie loves you!
690
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:28,800
I don't think I can accept her love.
691
00:32:28,900 --> 00:32:30,100
There's something wrong with me.
692
00:32:30,100 --> 00:32:33,200
You can't accept love?
693
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:34,400
I don't know what it is.
694
00:32:34,500 --> 00:32:37,100
Love? The most beautiful,
shiny, warmy thing in the world?
695
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:38,300
You can't accept it?
696
00:32:38,300 --> 00:32:40,000
I have to go to this other chair.
697
00:32:41,900 --> 00:32:43,500
Oh, this is a better energy.
698
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:46,700
You can't accept pure love?
You can't accept Debbie?
699
00:32:46,700 --> 00:32:48,900
She's chosen
to give you her life.
700
00:32:48,900 --> 00:32:51,700
She's picked you
as her life partner!
701
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,400
But you play fantasy baseball
because you can't accept her love?
702
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,500
I could accept it, man.
703
00:32:59,900 --> 00:33:01,100
And Debbie's amazing, man.
704
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,400
She's cool and she's funny
and she smells good
705
00:33:04,500 --> 00:33:07,400
and she's nice and her hair
always looks different.
706
00:33:07,500 --> 00:33:08,800
She's too good for you, man.
707
00:33:08,900 --> 00:33:10,900
Tastes like a rainbow.
708
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,500
You're disgusting.
You know, you're an urchin.
709
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:15,900
And she busts your balls
'cause you're a little bitch.
710
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:19,300
You're a filthy bitch!
And I'd bust your balls.
711
00:33:20,500 --> 00:33:24,300
Debbie wants to give her life
to you, and Allison doesn't
want to do that with me.
712
00:33:24,500 --> 00:33:26,600
And it makes me sad all day.
713
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:29,700
I want to go home.
714
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:31,400
I wanna go home, too.
715
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,400
Everything looks beautiful.
Thanks.
716
00:33:36,500 --> 00:33:37,900
I went kind of overboard, huh?
717
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,100
No. It's great.
718
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:41,900
Your daughter only turns eight once.
719
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:44,100
Is Ben gonna come?
720
00:33:44,100 --> 00:33:46,800
I don't think so.
I don't know why he would.
721
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:02,100
Oh, hey. What up, dawg?
722
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:03,300
Where have you been?
723
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:04,900
Around. You know?
724
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:06,700
Just kind of doing my thing.
725
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:08,500
Why is everybody
so mad at you?
726
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:10,400
I don't know. Are they mad?
What have they been saying?
727
00:34:10,500 --> 00:34:14,600
They've been saying, like,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
"Ben's a prick."
728
00:34:14,700 --> 00:34:15,700
They said that?
729
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,200
A lot.
730
00:34:17,300 --> 00:34:18,500
That sucks.
731
00:34:18,500 --> 00:34:20,100
What does it mean?
732
00:34:20,900 --> 00:34:22,900
Penis. It means penis.
733
00:34:22,900 --> 00:34:24,000
Oh.
734
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:26,900
Penis.
735
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,000
Babe, we're running
low on plates.
736
00:34:31,100 --> 00:34:32,400
Hey, Ben! What's up, man?
737
00:34:32,500 --> 00:34:33,900
What's happening, man?
738
00:34:33,900 --> 00:34:35,800
Hey, Ben.
Hey, Debbie.
739
00:34:35,900 --> 00:34:37,300
How are you?
Good. How are you?
740
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:38,500
Hi.
741
00:34:39,500 --> 00:34:41,700
Did you just get pink cupcakes
or yellow cupcakes?
742
00:34:41,900 --> 00:34:43,200
I just got yellow cupcakes.
743
00:34:43,300 --> 00:34:44,700
I thought I said
get pink cupcakes.
744
00:34:44,700 --> 00:34:47,200
I can run out.
I'll get some more.
Nah, it's no big deal.
745
00:34:47,300 --> 00:34:48,600
I don't mind.
No, it doesn't matter.
746
00:34:48,700 --> 00:34:50,400
You sure?
Yeah. You look
really cute in that.
747
00:34:50,500 --> 00:34:51,800
All right.
748
00:34:54,100 --> 00:34:56,600
Well, that was fast,
you pussy.
I'm a...
749
00:34:56,700 --> 00:35:02,200
You're the one that got
dressed up like a cholo on
Easter to come to this party.
750
00:35:02,300 --> 00:35:04,700
How are things
at Butt-Fucking-Ham Palace?
751
00:35:04,700 --> 00:35:08,900
You look like Babe Ruth's
gay brother, Gabe Ruth.
752
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:12,100
Well played, sir. That was good.
753
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:13,200
You gonna talk to Allison?
754
00:35:13,300 --> 00:35:14,800
Yeah, I was just about to.
755
00:35:14,900 --> 00:35:16,300
Right on.
756
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:17,800
It's a doll.
757
00:35:17,900 --> 00:35:19,300
Thanks, Ben.
758
00:35:21,900 --> 00:35:24,700
I just don't think
we can make it work.
759
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:27,600
We can get back on track,
and everything's gonna be great.
760
00:35:27,700 --> 00:35:30,300
You're just being nice,
and I'm being nice,
761
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:34,400
and just because we're two
nice people doesn't mean
we should stay together.
762
00:35:34,500 --> 00:35:38,400
I don't want this baby
to determine the rest
of our lives. You know?
763
00:35:38,500 --> 00:35:40,900
Me not wanting to do this alone
isn't enough of a reason
764
00:35:41,100 --> 00:35:44,900
to drag you into a relationship
with me. It's just not fair.
765
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:49,900
And don't repeat this, but God,
I don't want to end up like Debbie.
766
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:51,100
But Debbie's happy.
767
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,200
Yeah, she's happy today.
768
00:35:53,300 --> 00:35:55,400
But every day is
a constant struggle for them
769
00:35:55,500 --> 00:35:57,100
because they're not
right for each other.
770
00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,000
You know? And they have
to force it, and I don't want
us to have to do that.
771
00:36:00,100 --> 00:36:03,200
I don't want to force you
to be what I think you should be.
772
00:36:03,300 --> 00:36:05,500
That's wrong of me
because you're great.
773
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:09,500
You really are. You're great
the way you are, and...
774
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:13,600
I mean, you like to get high,
and you like to do shrooms in Vegas.
775
00:36:13,700 --> 00:36:15,800
I didn't do shrooms in Vegas.
Who am I to stop you?
776
00:36:15,900 --> 00:36:18,700
Who am I to tell you that
that's wrong? It's not wrong.
It's who you are.
777
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,300
It's what you enjoy
and that's your life and...
778
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:24,500
I'm not that guy anymore.
779
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:26,400
I mean, we can be friends.
780
00:36:26,500 --> 00:36:30,200
And you can be there
when the baby is born,
781
00:36:30,300 --> 00:36:32,300
and in the baby's life
as much as you want.
782
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:34,200
I hope you will be.
783
00:36:34,300 --> 00:36:37,400
I just...
I think that if you just...
784
00:36:37,500 --> 00:36:40,400
I don't know. If you give me a shot
to just show you that I'm...
785
00:36:40,500 --> 00:36:41,600
Excuse me?
Oh, shit.
786
00:36:41,700 --> 00:36:42,800
Can you grab the video camera?
787
00:36:42,900 --> 00:36:45,700
We're gonna sing
Happy Birthday now.
Yeah.
788
00:36:45,900 --> 00:36:48,500
I'm sorry. I got to go.
789
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:49,600
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
790
00:36:49,700 --> 00:36:50,900
I'll be right back,
though, all right?
791
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:53,300
We'll finish talking.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, go.
792
00:36:58,300 --> 00:36:59,400
What happened?
793
00:36:59,500 --> 00:37:00,600
Thanks for warning me, man.
794
00:37:00,700 --> 00:37:03,400
I just walked into a fucking
buzz saw. She rejected me.
795
00:37:03,500 --> 00:37:05,700
'Cause you,
for some insane reason,
796
00:37:05,900 --> 00:37:08,200
told Debbie that I did
mushrooms with you in Vegas!
797
00:37:08,300 --> 00:37:09,300
She gets mad 'cause I smoke pot!
798
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:11,500
Now I'm upping it to fucking
psychedelics! Thanks!
799
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:13,300
Really? I thought she'd take you back.
800
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:15,300
You know why she just rejected me?
801
00:37:15,300 --> 00:37:16,700
'Cause you're such a shitty husband,
802
00:37:16,700 --> 00:37:19,900
she thinks I'm gonna turn
into a shitty husband.
803
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:28,600
Happy Birthday to you
804
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:32,000
Happy Birthday to you
805
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:36,500
Jessica! Right here!
Can we get a photo?
806
00:37:36,500 --> 00:37:38,500
When are you due?
I got two months.
807
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:39,600
Really?
Yeah.
808
00:37:39,700 --> 00:37:42,600
Wow, you're so big already.
Yeah.
809
00:37:42,700 --> 00:37:45,400
When is that baby popping out?
I got two months to go.
810
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:47,900
Really? Are you dilated yet?
I can tell.
Wow, wow!
811
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:51,900
You look fantastic.
You look... Are you gonna,
like, give birth right now?
812
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,300
Wow, you're about
to drop any second.
813
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:55,600
You know what?
I love your broach.
814
00:37:55,700 --> 00:37:57,900
You don't need to lie to me.
I don't appreciate it.
815
00:37:58,000 --> 00:37:59,500
I know I look like a fat cow.
816
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:01,400
And I'm sweating profusely.
I know that.
No, no.
817
00:38:01,500 --> 00:38:05,000
No, you don't look like
a fat cow at all. You look great.
818
00:38:05,100 --> 00:38:06,900
So, I have to get going in.
They're calling me.
819
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,000
Steve, hey. Help me out.
Give me an interview, please.
820
00:38:09,100 --> 00:38:10,200
Well, I just need to run in.
821
00:38:10,300 --> 00:38:13,000
You know what? Just say
into the camera, "You're
watching E! Entertainment. "
822
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:14,100
Congratulations.
Just give me that.
823
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:16,300
No, Steve, don't be
an asshole! Come on.
824
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:18,400
I'm not being an asshole.
825
00:38:19,100 --> 00:38:21,700
Wow, you managed to turn
Steve Carell into an asshole.
826
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,700
No easy feat.
Shut up, Brent.
827
00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:26,200
You screwed me, Dad, okay?
828
00:38:26,300 --> 00:38:29,000
You said everything was gonna
be fine and nothing is fine.
829
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:30,500
Nothing is fine.
830
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:34,400
Ben, I've been
divorced three times.
Why would you listen to me?
831
00:38:34,500 --> 00:38:35,900
Because you were the only one
giving me advice!
832
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:38,200
And it was terrible advice!
833
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,800
You can go around blaming everyone
else, but in the end,
834
00:38:41,900 --> 00:38:46,100
until you take responsibility
for yourself, none of this
is gonna work out.
835
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:49,000
I don't know how to take
responsibility for myself, okay?
836
00:38:49,100 --> 00:38:50,900
I didn't read the baby books!
You didn't read the books?
837
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,500
I just smoke less pot.
I don't know what to do. I'm an idiot!
838
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:55,700
What... Tell me what to do!
839
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:57,800
I don't know. I don't know.
840
00:38:57,900 --> 00:39:01,400
Ben, I love you.
What can I tell you?
841
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:03,500
Just tell me what to do.
842
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:08,800
Stone, you settling in okay?
843
00:39:08,900 --> 00:39:11,200
Best job I ever had.
Like to hear it.
844
00:40:15,700 --> 00:40:17,800
Allison, thank you
for coming in.
845
00:40:17,900 --> 00:40:23,300
I don't want to shock you
but we know what's under that jacket.
846
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:26,200
You're pregnant,
have been for a while.
847
00:40:26,300 --> 00:40:29,400
From my count, you're right
around eight months.
848
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:32,300
And I don't know why you felt
you couldn't tell us.
849
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:33,800
I'm really sorry.
850
00:40:33,900 --> 00:40:36,300
This is Hollywood.
We don't like liars.
851
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:39,600
I just...
I wasn't expecting this and...
852
00:40:39,700 --> 00:40:42,200
I didn't know how to handle it,
and I didn't want to lose my job.
853
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:44,600
I'm really sorry.
It's unfortunate.
854
00:40:44,700 --> 00:40:47,300
It's unfortunate
you didn't tell us because
855
00:40:48,300 --> 00:40:50,400
you would've found out
that we thought it's great.
856
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:51,700
Really?
Yeah.
857
00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:54,200
So we did some research.
858
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:58,800
And turns out,
people like pregnant.
859
00:40:58,900 --> 00:41:00,000
Oh, my God!
860
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,700
The bigger you are,
the bigger your numbers.
861
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:06,000
I was surprised
'cause I feel the opposite.
862
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:12,600
We're gonna do a whole maternity
month on E! Mommy.
863
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:16,200
You're gonna interview
all the pregnant celebs.
864
00:41:16,300 --> 00:41:17,900
Really?
Yes.
865
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:19,200
Scary!
866
00:41:19,300 --> 00:41:23,400
You're pregnant, they're pregnant,
you can talk about being pregnant.
867
00:41:23,500 --> 00:41:27,400
It just grosses me out when
I know that people are pregnant.
868
00:41:27,500 --> 00:41:30,100
'Cause I think about the birth.
Everything's so wet.
869
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:32,700
And everything that goes into it.
None of the gross stuff.
870
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:36,800
But you know, hopes, dreams,
whatever, it's gonna be great.
871
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,000
Oh, my God.
This is such good news.
872
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,100
Thank you so much.
Yeah, you're welcome.
873
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:44,600
And then,
after the baby is out...
874
00:41:45,900 --> 00:41:47,800
Tight.
...tighten it back up.
875
00:41:47,900 --> 00:41:49,700
And please don't
lie to us again.
Okay.
876
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:52,800
'Cause maybe someday
we could be friends.
877
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,200
Okay. I won't. I'm sorry.
878
00:41:55,700 --> 00:41:57,600
I just don't like secrets.
Okay.
879
00:41:58,900 --> 00:42:00,900
You know, it's a rare thing
that you live to see the day
880
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:03,200
your wildest dreams come true.
881
00:42:03,300 --> 00:42:06,500
I mean, what is there left to want?
I get to go to Legoland.
882
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:07,700
Shut up, Pete.
Say it!
883
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:09,100
Legoland!
Legoland!
884
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,000
Legoland!
885
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,800
Don't get them all riled up
before the drive.
886
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:14,900
I shouldn't have given them
all that meth, then.
887
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:16,300
We'll be back
on Sunday.
888
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:18,700
Or Saturday. You never know.
We might see it all in one day.
889
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:20,400
Sunday. Let's go.
890
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:22,100
Guess what? I'm scared
there's no one to trust.
891
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,300
You can trust me.
892
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,400
You are gonna
fuck me over, aren't you?
893
00:42:26,500 --> 00:42:28,600
Oh, for Christ's sake.
894
00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:30,100
You are.
895
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:34,500
Are you retarded? Or just brain-dead
from whiffing fumes out there in the swamp?
896
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:38,100
Ow, ow, ow.
That's what I am to you, isn't it?
Swamp trash, just like my mom.
897
00:42:43,500 --> 00:42:44,600
Hello?
898
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:46,900
Hey, what's up, Daddy?
What are you doing?
899
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:51,000
Just smoking a joint, drinking
some beers, you know. Rocking.
900
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,400
We're about to go
to a new club. You coming?
901
00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:56,000
No. I'm gonna pack
it in soon, I think.
902
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:57,600
What's he doing?
903
00:42:57,700 --> 00:42:58,800
He says he's gonna
call it a night.
904
00:42:58,900 --> 00:43:00,800
Dude, it's like 8:15, man.
905
00:43:00,900 --> 00:43:03,800
Yeah, I know. I'm just tired.
906
00:43:03,900 --> 00:43:05,800
Is he depressed?
You depressed?
907
00:43:05,900 --> 00:43:07,600
No, I feel great. I like it.
908
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:09,000
He says no.
909
00:43:09,100 --> 00:43:10,400
Ask him if he's
gonna kill himself.
910
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:11,700
You gonna kill yourself?
911
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:13,700
No, I'm not. Okay? Thank you.
912
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:16,800
Tell him not to jerk off
with a noose around his neck.
It's dangerous.
913
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,700
You shouldn't jerk off with
a noose around your neck
'cause it's dangerous.
914
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:21,200
Okay. Very good.
915
00:43:21,300 --> 00:43:24,800
And tell him if he has to,
tell him he needs
a teammate or a spotter there.
916
00:43:24,900 --> 00:43:28,700
Right. And if you do,
you should have
a teammate or a spotter there.
917
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:29,900
Great.
918
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,200
He says your mom's already there.
919
00:43:32,300 --> 00:43:33,500
Uncool, man.
920
00:43:40,700 --> 00:43:42,500
Okay, okay.
921
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:43,900
Okay.
922
00:43:44,700 --> 00:43:45,800
Hi, Dr. Howard?
923
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:47,800
No, this is Dr. Angelo.
924
00:43:47,900 --> 00:43:48,900
How can I help you?
925
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:51,100
I'm a patient of Dr. Howard's,
926
00:43:51,100 --> 00:43:53,700
and I'm going into labor
and I need to speak with him.
927
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:55,400
I actually don't know
where he is tonight.
928
00:43:55,500 --> 00:43:58,200
But I've made myself available
to his patients,
929
00:43:58,300 --> 00:43:59,700
and I'd be happy to help you.
930
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:02,000
Can you help me find him?
Can you give me his number?
931
00:44:02,100 --> 00:44:04,200
Oh, no. You know what? Actually,
I'm under strict instructions
932
00:44:04,300 --> 00:44:06,400
not to give out his number,
but I can help you through this.
933
00:44:06,500 --> 00:44:07,800
No, no. No, no, no.
934
00:44:07,900 --> 00:44:10,700
I want to speak to my own doctor.
You really won't give me his number?
935
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:14,100
Because this is my first baby,
and he promised that
he would be here for me
936
00:44:14,300 --> 00:44:16,700
and I need you to give me...
Give me his number, okay?
937
00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:18,600
Dr. Howard's not available tonight.
938
00:44:18,700 --> 00:44:21,100
But everything's gonna be okay,
I assure you.
939
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:25,100
No, I don't want you to help me
because I have no idea who you are!
940
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:28,800
I want my own goddamn doctor!
You make sure he calls me!
941
00:44:28,900 --> 00:44:30,800
Oh, shit. Okay.
942
00:44:32,700 --> 00:44:34,400
Oh, shit!
943
00:44:45,900 --> 00:44:46,900
Hello?
944
00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:54,700
Don't run out of gas.
Don't run out of gas. Come on!
945
00:44:59,500 --> 00:45:00,700
Hello?
946
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:04,900
Please be in there.
Hello? Hello? Hello?
947
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:09,100
Allison?
948
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:16,400
Hello?
949
00:45:16,500 --> 00:45:18,200
Ben?
Allison.
950
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:20,400
What is this,
like a water birth?
951
00:45:20,500 --> 00:45:23,200
What are we doing? Should we go?
Should I... I have the...
Shh.
952
00:45:23,300 --> 00:45:27,600
Just relax, okay?
Just be mellow, 'cause
that's what this is all about.
953
00:45:27,700 --> 00:45:29,700
Because if it gets
too stressful in here,
954
00:45:29,700 --> 00:45:32,100
then the baby is born
into a stressful environment,
955
00:45:32,100 --> 00:45:36,100
and then he's wired for stress
for the rest of his life. So just...
956
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:39,500
Just be calm.
957
00:45:39,700 --> 00:45:40,700
Okay.
958
00:45:41,900 --> 00:45:44,900
Okay, let's relax. Okay.
959
00:45:46,100 --> 00:45:47,100
Do you want
to talk about things?
960
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:49,400
I feel really bad about, like,
a lot of the shit I did.
961
00:45:49,500 --> 00:45:50,900
I can't believe
I said some of that.
962
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:52,200
That's all I think about
in my head.
963
00:45:52,300 --> 00:45:53,500
I don't wanna talk about it.
964
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:57,100
But maybe we could bring
the baby into a reconciled
place so we can talk...
965
00:45:57,100 --> 00:45:59,300
No. I don't wanna go there.
966
00:45:59,300 --> 00:46:02,500
Don't go there. Okay?
Help me stay relaxed.
967
00:46:02,500 --> 00:46:04,500
So, what should I do?
968
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:06,100
You need to call Dr. Howard.
969
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:08,300
Hello?
970
00:46:08,300 --> 00:46:13,100
Hello, yes, this is Ben Stone.
I'm calling on behalf of Allison Scott.
971
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:14,800
We need Dr. Howard.
It's an emergency.
972
00:46:14,900 --> 00:46:17,400
Yeah. He's at San Francisco
at bar mitzvah.
973
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:20,700
He's at a bar mitzvah in San Francisco?
Do you know when he gets back?
974
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:22,200
In three days.
975
00:46:23,700 --> 00:46:25,300
Do you have his cell number,
by any chance?
976
00:46:28,500 --> 00:46:31,500
Hey! Good news.
977
00:46:31,500 --> 00:46:34,300
I got his number right here.
I'm gonna call him right now.
978
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:37,400
Oh, great. Thank you so much.
Oh, my God. I'm so glad
you're here. Thank you.
979
00:46:37,500 --> 00:46:40,100
I'm glad I'm here, too.
Thank you.
980
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:41,900
I shouldn't have told you
you were a fucking lunatic.
981
00:46:41,900 --> 00:46:44,100
I shouldn't have said that.
I feel terrible about it and...
982
00:46:44,300 --> 00:46:47,000
No, it's okay.
We're past it. We're past it.
983
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:48,500
I'm sorry I told you
to fuck your bong.
984
00:46:48,500 --> 00:46:50,800
It's okay. I didn't.
985
00:46:50,900 --> 00:46:53,800
Let's just drop it now.
We're over it.
986
00:46:53,900 --> 00:46:56,900
I'm gonna call him right now.
You're doing so great.
987
00:46:56,900 --> 00:47:00,900
Hello, it's Dr. Howard.
I'm not here right now.
Please leave a message.
988
00:47:00,900 --> 00:47:04,400
Hey, Doc Howard.
Ben Stone calling.
989
00:47:04,500 --> 00:47:06,300
Guess what the fuck's up?
990
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:09,300
Allison's going into labor
and you are not fucking here.
991
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:12,600
Now, where are you? You're at
a fucking bar mitzvah in San Francisco,
992
00:47:12,700 --> 00:47:14,600
you motherfucking piece of shit!
993
00:47:14,700 --> 00:47:15,900
And you know
what I'm gonna have to do now?
994
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:17,100
I'm gonna have to kill you.
995
00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:19,500
I'm gonna have to
pop a fucking cap in your ass.
996
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:21,300
You're dead! You're Tupac!
997
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:23,300
You are fucking Biggie,
you piece of shit!
998
00:47:23,300 --> 00:47:24,500
I hope you fucking die
999
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:27,600
or drop the fucking chair
and kill that fucking kid!
1000
00:47:27,700 --> 00:47:30,100
Hope your plane crashes.
Peace, fucker!
1001
00:47:36,500 --> 00:47:37,700
Hey.
Hey.
1002
00:47:37,700 --> 00:47:38,800
Did you talk to him?
1003
00:47:38,900 --> 00:47:43,200
I didn't talk to him directly.
I left him a very nice message, though.
1004
00:47:43,300 --> 00:47:45,900
And... Okay.
1005
00:47:45,900 --> 00:47:48,400
What I'm about to tell you
isn't that bad.
1006
00:47:48,500 --> 00:47:49,900
You should know that going in.
1007
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:52,800
We can get through this,
and it's just a little hiccough,
1008
00:47:52,900 --> 00:47:54,200
but everything will be fine. Okay?
1009
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:56,500
Do you trust me when I say
everything will be fine?
1010
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:58,900
I can deal with it.
Okay.
1011
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:02,500
So, Dr. Howard is at a bar mitzvah.
1012
00:48:02,700 --> 00:48:03,900
A bar mitzvah?
1013
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:05,500
It's a Jewish rite of passage.
1014
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:09,100
And he's gonna be there
for the next three days,
1015
00:48:09,100 --> 00:48:12,300
so he will not be able
to be here tonight.
1016
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:13,600
Oh, no.
1017
00:48:15,500 --> 00:48:17,000
It's okay.
1018
00:48:18,100 --> 00:48:19,100
What do you think
we should do?
1019
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:20,500
Okay. I know
exactly what to do.
1020
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:23,200
All we do is we'll get in
the car, I'll drive to the hospital,
1021
00:48:23,300 --> 00:48:25,900
and on the way, we will call
every gynecologist we've met.
1022
00:48:25,900 --> 00:48:28,700
Someone will be available.
You know?
1023
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:30,700
Okay. I can do that.
Okay. Good.
1024
00:48:30,700 --> 00:48:33,400
I mean, we still have time.
I mean, how far apart
are your contractions?
1025
00:48:33,500 --> 00:48:36,000
I think, like, seven minutes.
Seven minutes!
1026
00:48:36,100 --> 00:48:38,200
See? Not until four minutes
is it really coming.
1027
00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:39,900
And has your water broken, even?
1028
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:42,200
I don't know. I'm in the tub.
1029
00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:44,400
That's a good point.
Have you had your bloody show?
1030
00:48:44,500 --> 00:48:45,700
What? What's that?
1031
00:48:45,700 --> 00:48:48,300
It's, it's... I mean, it's
a bloody mucusy discharge.
1032
00:48:48,300 --> 00:48:50,500
But it only comes out right before
the baby's gonna come,
1033
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:52,300
so if that hasn't happened,
we have time.
1034
00:48:52,500 --> 00:48:55,100
We can make it to the hospital.
It's no problem.
1035
00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:57,200
You read the baby books.
1036
00:48:57,300 --> 00:49:00,700
Yeah. I did. I read
three of them, actually.
1037
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:02,700
Thank you.
You're welcome.
1038
00:49:06,300 --> 00:49:08,300
Hey. Hey, you okay?
1039
00:49:11,300 --> 00:49:12,400
Okay.
1040
00:49:17,100 --> 00:49:19,400
Wait.
Are we allowed to park here?
1041
00:49:19,500 --> 00:49:23,100
It's okay. I stole this
from Martin's grandma.
1042
00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:25,900
Oh, that was really
sweet of you.
Thanks.
1043
00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:30,400
Okay, here we go. Here we go.
1044
00:49:30,500 --> 00:49:32,500
Okay. Inches away.
1045
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:34,500
Okay.
We're close.
1046
00:49:34,500 --> 00:49:38,700
Home stretch. Hello.
This is Allison Scott.
1047
00:49:38,900 --> 00:49:40,800
Dr. Kuni said he would let you
know we were coming?
1048
00:49:40,900 --> 00:49:43,300
Oh, he did.
We'll take good care of you.
Okay.
1049
00:49:43,500 --> 00:49:44,600
Samuel?
Yeah?
1050
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:47,900
This is Allison Scott.
Please admit her into Room 307.
1051
00:49:47,900 --> 00:49:49,000
Hi.
1052
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:50,200
Hey.
1053
00:49:50,300 --> 00:49:51,700
You're our nurse?
1054
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:54,700
That's why I'm holding
the clipboard.
1055
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:58,100
So, what else is up
with you guys?
1056
00:49:58,100 --> 00:50:00,600
I'm just joking.
Let's have a baby, huh?
1057
00:50:00,700 --> 00:50:01,800
Yeah.
1058
00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:06,400
Jeez, I'm sorry it took me so long
to find that vein.
1059
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:10,300
That little guy really
didn't want me to find him.
1060
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:12,200
Is that the baby
on that one right there?
1061
00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:13,200
Yeah.
1062
00:50:13,300 --> 00:50:15,500
So we can tell how the little
guy or gal is doing.
1063
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:16,800
Okay.
1064
00:50:17,500 --> 00:50:20,900
Hello, Allison. Ben.
Interesting night.
1065
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:22,900
We really, really appreciate
you coming, man.
1066
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:26,800
What else do I have to do,
I mean, besides sleep? Totally kidding.
1067
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:28,100
What happened to your doctor?
1068
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:30,200
He's at a bar mitzvah
in San Francisco.
1069
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:31,800
He didn't tell us, though.
1070
00:50:31,900 --> 00:50:33,000
Nice.
Yeah.
1071
00:50:33,100 --> 00:50:36,400
Lucky for you, I don't have
any Jewish friends.
1072
00:50:36,500 --> 00:50:39,400
Dr. Kuni, I really wanna do this
naturally. I don't wanna use drugs.
1073
00:50:39,500 --> 00:50:42,900
Okay, let's just take a look
and see what happens, okay?
1074
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:45,200
Foetal heart rate is good.
Samuel, where are we?
1075
00:50:45,300 --> 00:50:48,100
Four centimeters.
Four centimeters what?
1076
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:50,200
Dilated?
Dilated. That's right. Focus.
1077
00:50:50,300 --> 00:50:52,700
Pay attention, okay?
We're a team. Okay?
1078
00:50:54,300 --> 00:50:56,000
I wanna get
the fuck out of here.
1079
00:50:56,100 --> 00:50:57,100
What?
1080
00:50:57,200 --> 00:50:58,400
I just wanna get
the fuck out of here.
1081
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:00,100
Okay. Just relax,
man, just relax.
1082
00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:01,700
Oh, man, I don't fucking
like hospitals.
1083
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:04,200
I know, but, Jonah,
this is beautiful.
1084
00:51:04,300 --> 00:51:09,400
I just think you need to relax
and embrace the beauty of
another life joining our gang.
1085
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:11,800
We're having a baby.
We are having a baby.
1086
00:51:11,900 --> 00:51:14,500
I'm not having shit besides
a fucking panic attack.
1087
00:51:14,600 --> 00:51:18,700
There's probably a fucking room
back there full of dead bodies!
1088
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:20,400
You guys wanna be here
when one rolls out
1089
00:51:20,500 --> 00:51:23,100
and just fucking coughs
malaria into our face?
1090
00:51:24,400 --> 00:51:25,700
Jesus.
Fucking shit.
1091
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:29,400
Is that good?
Oh, yeah.
1092
00:51:29,500 --> 00:51:32,100
Oh, yeah, get in there.
1093
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:33,200
I could do this all day.
1094
00:51:33,300 --> 00:51:34,400
Cool.
1095
00:51:35,500 --> 00:51:38,200
What was that?
What the hell was that?
1096
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:45,000
What's happening?
1097
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:47,100
Well, boys and girls,
what seems to be the problem?
1098
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:49,000
Decels.
Oh, dear.
1099
00:51:49,100 --> 00:51:51,900
Okay, Allison, I need you to
turn on your back now, okay?
1100
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:54,400
The baby's heart rate
is slowing. Okay?
1101
00:51:54,500 --> 00:51:56,100
It's gonna be okay.
Okay.
1102
00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:58,600
It's gonna be fine.
Is it gonna be fine?
It's gonna be fine. Okay?
1103
00:51:58,700 --> 00:52:02,800
You'll feel a little bit of
a push. You'll feel a little bit of...
1104
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:04,700
Oh.
What are you doing?
1105
00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:08,800
I'm turning the baby so I can take
the pressure off the cord. Okay?
1106
00:52:08,900 --> 00:52:11,000
Oh, my God.
1107
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:12,200
Okay, we're good.
1108
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:14,100
The heartbeat's stronger,
but we're not out of the woods.
1109
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:15,500
We need to get
things going now.
1110
00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:17,800
I think the cord is wrapped
around the neck.
1111
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:20,600
So I'm gonna give you
some medicine, pop the bag
and get things going, okay?
1112
00:52:20,700 --> 00:52:22,400
I don't wanna leave the baby
in there for long,
1113
00:52:22,500 --> 00:52:24,000
and we can give you
some medicine for the pain.
1114
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:25,500
No, no, no, no.
1115
00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:27,800
I don't... I don't want the baby to
be born all drugged out.
1116
00:52:27,900 --> 00:52:29,200
It's not my birth plan.
1117
00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:31,100
Now, things change.
We don't have time to debate this.
1118
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:34,300
What? No. But no, I'm not
comfortable with that. I'm not.
1119
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:36,200
No. Would you please
just listen to her?
1120
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:38,200
Fine. Do what you want to do.
1121
00:52:38,300 --> 00:52:40,400
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?
Should I leave?
1122
00:52:40,500 --> 00:52:43,100
Do you want to be the doctor?
Because I really don't need to be here.
1123
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:45,700
No. What we want is to take
a second to talk
about our options, okay?
1124
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:47,800
That's all we want.
No. You mean you want
to take a second
1125
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:49,200
to tell me how to do my job.
1126
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:52,200
My job is to get
that baby out safely.
1127
00:52:52,300 --> 00:52:55,500
Or I can go home.
Just let me know. You be the doctor.
1128
00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:57,900
Can we talk outside
in the hall for a second?
1129
00:52:58,500 --> 00:53:00,000
That woman is a control freak,
1130
00:53:00,100 --> 00:53:02,700
and she needs to let go
and let me do my job.
1131
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:04,000
Look, she's just having
a hard time
1132
00:53:04,100 --> 00:53:06,800
because her and our doctor had
a very specific birth plan.
1133
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:09,200
And they wanted it to be
a very special experience.
1134
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:12,100
If you want a special experience,
go to a Jimmy Buffett concert.
1135
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:15,600
We have a new birth plan.
Get the baby out safely.
1136
00:53:15,700 --> 00:53:20,500
Look, man, will you help us out?
I have no idea what I'm doing.
1137
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:24,400
You can be as big a dick to me
as you want. Just be nice to her, man.
1138
00:53:24,500 --> 00:53:27,400
That's all I ask.
Just please be nice to her.
1139
00:53:33,300 --> 00:53:34,600
Are you okay?
1140
00:53:34,700 --> 00:53:36,500
I think so.
1141
00:53:36,500 --> 00:53:38,400
I'm sorry. Let's start fresh.
1142
00:53:38,500 --> 00:53:40,000
Thank you, man. Thanks.
1143
00:53:40,100 --> 00:53:43,200
This is healthy. This is good.
I think we're bonding.
1144
00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:56,000
Allison, I apologize for being
a little brash, but if you're okay with it,
1145
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:57,600
it's rather important
we break the bag
1146
00:53:57,700 --> 00:53:59,900
and give you some medicine
to speed things up.
1147
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:03,700
Because once the bag is broken,
I don't want there to be an infection.
1148
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:06,200
Whatever.
Do what you have to do.
1149
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:13,100
Oh, my God.
What a nightmare that guy is.
1150
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:15,400
I know, I know.
Look, I talked to him.
1151
00:54:15,500 --> 00:54:18,100
I think he'll be more cool now.
1152
00:54:20,600 --> 00:54:22,800
I'm so sorry
I broke up with you.
1153
00:54:23,700 --> 00:54:25,300
You really don't need to be.
1154
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:28,400
And, you know, I knew
you'd give me another shot.
1155
00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:32,700
I figured it'd be a lot sooner
than this, you know?
1156
00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:36,000
I was just in such
a panic from all of this.
1157
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:40,200
And watching Debbie
and Pete together, it's...
1158
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,200
And my ass got so fat.
No, no.
1159
00:54:42,300 --> 00:54:43,600
It did.
1160
00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:47,000
I just never, for one minute,
thought that the guy
who got me pregnant
1161
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:49,700
would actually be
the right guy for me.
1162
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:51,800
Me, either.
I guess he is.
1163
00:54:51,900 --> 00:54:52,900
Yeah.
1164
00:54:55,800 --> 00:54:58,000
All right, Martin, who am I?
1165
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:04,800
"People
think I'm smart because
I speak in a robot voice."
1166
00:55:04,900 --> 00:55:06,400
Stephen Hawking.
1167
00:55:06,500 --> 00:55:11,200
"I fuck my nurse
with my ever-expanding cock."
1168
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:15,400
All right.
Let's murderball.
1169
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:17,900
Come here!
I'm gonna murderball you!
1170
00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:19,200
Stay down!
Jonah, you shithead!
1171
00:55:20,900 --> 00:55:22,000
Hi.
Hi.
1172
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:23,200
Hi.
1173
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:25,200
I can't believe I go
out of town and this happens.
1174
00:55:25,300 --> 00:55:27,800
I know.
I'm sorry,
but I'm not going anywhere.
1175
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:29,400
Screw Legoland.
All right.
1176
00:55:29,500 --> 00:55:31,600
Hey, how do you want this?
You want this over the shoulder?
1177
00:55:31,700 --> 00:55:33,800
You know, I can do whatever
you want. I can get in there.
1178
00:55:33,900 --> 00:55:35,300
Kind of Spike Lee angles.
1179
00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:38,300
No, you can shoot the waiting
room. That would be great.
1180
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:43,100
Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you.
I've got it from here.
1181
00:55:43,800 --> 00:55:44,800
Debbie.
1182
00:55:44,900 --> 00:55:46,800
Can I talk to you
in the hall for a second?
1183
00:55:46,900 --> 00:55:48,000
Why?
1184
00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:54,000
I'd like to be in there
with Allison, without you.
1185
00:55:54,100 --> 00:55:55,400
Okay.
1186
00:55:55,500 --> 00:55:59,700
I understand how you feel
but this isn't up to you.
1187
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:05,000
Look, Debbie, you are high
off your ass if you think
you're coming into that room.
1188
00:56:04,900 --> 00:56:07,800
If you take one step towards
that door, I will tell security
1189
00:56:07,900 --> 00:56:11,100
there's a crazy chick in a pink
dress snatching up babies. Okay?
1190
00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:14,900
So don't even try to come into
that room. That's my room now.
1191
00:56:15,000 --> 00:56:18,000
That little area with the Pepsi
machine, that's your area.
1192
00:56:18,100 --> 00:56:22,600
My room. Your area. Stay in your area.
Stay out of my room.
1193
00:56:22,700 --> 00:56:25,200
Back the fuck off.
1194
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:36,000
What are you doing here?
1195
00:56:36,100 --> 00:56:39,000
He just kicked me out.
He told me to leave.
1196
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:42,200
Oh.
1197
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:45,600
But I guess it's good, right?
1198
00:56:45,700 --> 00:56:47,800
He said he's gonna
take care of her.
1199
00:56:47,900 --> 00:56:50,200
He really seems on his game.
1200
00:56:50,300 --> 00:56:52,800
I think he's gonna be a good dad.
1201
00:56:52,900 --> 00:56:54,900
I think I like him.
1202
00:56:55,000 --> 00:56:56,400
Thank God.
1203
00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:01,500
I wish I'd gotten
that on tape.
1204
00:57:02,700 --> 00:57:05,500
Go! Holy shit, almighty!
1205
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:07,700
Oh, shit, this really hurts!
1206
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:09,600
I see we're well on our way.
Okay.
1207
00:57:09,700 --> 00:57:11,900
I want the...
I want the epidural. Okay?
1208
00:57:11,900 --> 00:57:13,500
Give me the epidural!
Give her the epidural, okay?
1209
00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:15,100
Give it to her now.
KUNl: Okay, Allison.
1210
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:18,800
We're past the point of an epidural.
Okay? The cervix is fully dilated.
1211
00:57:18,900 --> 00:57:21,800
No, seriously,
I want an epidural!
I know there's time!
1212
00:57:21,900 --> 00:57:23,800
We can't give you
the epidural.
Take the time! I...
1213
00:57:23,900 --> 00:57:26,400
I'll make sure it doesn't come out!
I'll stop pushing.
1214
00:57:26,500 --> 00:57:27,600
We have time.
Just do it, please!
1215
00:57:27,600 --> 00:57:29,000
I'll stop.
Please, please, please!
1216
00:57:29,100 --> 00:57:30,500
I'm sorry. We have no time.
1217
00:57:30,500 --> 00:57:33,100
We're gonna just have to do
this the all-natural way, okay?
1218
00:57:33,100 --> 00:57:34,800
The way you wanted to do it.
1219
00:57:34,900 --> 00:57:36,500
Okay? Ready?
Okay.
1220
00:57:36,500 --> 00:57:40,800
Here comes another contraction, okay?
I want you to push. Okay, ready?
1221
00:57:42,100 --> 00:57:44,200
Good, good, good.
I feel everything!
1222
00:57:44,300 --> 00:57:45,900
Oh, my God! It's happening!
1223
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:48,300
Okay, maybe we can
take it down just a little.
1224
00:57:48,300 --> 00:57:50,000
I think you're gonna scare
the other pregnant women.
1225
00:57:50,100 --> 00:57:52,000
Are you fucking kidding me?
Okay.
1226
00:57:52,100 --> 00:57:53,300
Are you kidding me?
1227
00:57:55,600 --> 00:57:56,700
Jesus.
1228
00:57:57,600 --> 00:57:59,700
This is messed up.
Something's wrong in there.
1229
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:00,900
Yeah.
Oh, no, no.
1230
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:02,700
I mean, granted, gynecology's
only a hobby of mine,
1231
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:04,900
but it sounds to me like she's
crowning. Is that right, Deb?
1232
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:06,400
Yeah. That's what it sounds
like for everyone.
1233
00:58:06,500 --> 00:58:08,100
Everyone goes through this.
1234
00:58:08,200 --> 00:58:11,800
No, I disagree with you.
That sounds terrible.
1235
00:58:13,400 --> 00:58:15,800
I'm gonna go sneak a peak,
see if there's anything I can do.
1236
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:22,500
Okay! It's crowning!
I'm seeing the head!
1237
00:58:22,500 --> 00:58:23,700
Oh, God.
1238
00:58:23,700 --> 00:58:25,700
What does it look like, Ben?
Oh, God.
1239
00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:27,200
What?
You don't wanna see it.
1240
00:58:27,300 --> 00:58:29,500
No, I wanna see it!
It's beautiful.
You don't want to, though.
1241
00:58:29,600 --> 00:58:32,300
No, I want to see it!
Oh, God! Oh, God!
1242
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:34,900
Okay, we're almost home!
One, two...
1243
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:37,300
You okay in here? Jesus!
1244
00:58:37,300 --> 00:58:39,500
Get out!
Yeah, okay.
1245
00:58:39,500 --> 00:58:40,600
Oh, no!
1246
00:58:43,700 --> 00:58:45,500
You all right, buddy?
1247
00:58:46,500 --> 00:58:47,700
It's okay.
1248
00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:50,800
What did it look like?
1249
00:58:50,900 --> 00:58:52,300
I shouldn't have gone in there.
1250
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:54,900
Don't go in there.
Promise me you don't go in there.
1251
00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:57,500
Me, go in there? That's the last
fucking place I wanna go.
1252
00:58:57,500 --> 00:58:58,900
Like I'm gonna go in there.
1253
00:58:59,000 --> 00:59:00,600
Try getting a boner now.
1254
00:59:00,700 --> 00:59:02,000
What's up, Deb?
1255
00:59:02,100 --> 00:59:03,100
Hey.
1256
00:59:06,100 --> 00:59:09,700
Push. One, two, three.
Oh, God!
1257
00:59:09,800 --> 00:59:12,900
You've passed the shoulders.
One more big push.
1258
00:59:14,500 --> 00:59:15,900
Good.
1259
00:59:21,500 --> 00:59:22,600
I did it.
1260
00:59:22,700 --> 00:59:25,400
Okay. Oh, my God. It's out.
You did it. You did it.
1261
00:59:25,500 --> 00:59:27,700
Oh, my God, you did it.
Oh, my God.
1262
00:59:30,900 --> 00:59:32,200
Oh, God.
1263
00:59:34,700 --> 00:59:37,200
I love you, Ben.
I love you so much, too.
1264
00:59:37,300 --> 00:59:38,400
Oh, my God.
1265
00:59:38,500 --> 00:59:41,000
Congratulations, you two.
Beautiful.
Thank you.
1266
00:59:41,100 --> 00:59:44,500
You did so great.
You were amazing.
Thank you.
1267
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:46,900
Okay, pretty baby.
1268
00:59:46,900 --> 00:59:48,500
You got out.
1269
00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:51,000
You made it out. Welcome.
1270
00:59:53,100 --> 00:59:56,000
You ever get so bored
you just stare at your balls?
1271
00:59:56,100 --> 00:59:58,400
I bet you do, late John Lennon.
1272
01:00:00,900 --> 01:00:02,000
Here we are again.
1273
01:00:02,100 --> 01:00:04,000
Who is that?
Is that Ben's rabbi?
1274
01:00:04,100 --> 01:00:06,100
Is he the one
who cuts the penis?
1275
01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:09,400
I think it's Matisyahu.
1276
01:00:10,600 --> 01:00:11,800
Awesome.
1277
01:00:11,900 --> 01:00:13,900
You want out of the bet?
I want out of the bet.
1278
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:18,800
You know what you have to say.
Just say it, man.
I think now is the time.
1279
01:00:18,900 --> 01:00:21,400
Jason, you're the master.
1280
01:00:21,500 --> 01:00:22,700
You heard it, right?
Yeah.
1281
01:00:22,800 --> 01:00:25,300
All right. You're out of the bet.
Yeah, now you're done.
1282
01:00:25,300 --> 01:00:27,100
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, God.
1283
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:29,100
Your face smells
like an old man's balls.
1284
01:00:29,100 --> 01:00:30,900
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, fucking hell.
1285
01:00:32,700 --> 01:00:33,800
Hey.
1286
01:00:38,300 --> 01:00:40,300
Oh, my God.
1287
01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:42,300
Oh, hello.
1288
01:00:42,300 --> 01:00:44,300
Oh, my goodness.
1289
01:00:45,700 --> 01:00:47,400
She's beautiful.
1290
01:00:49,900 --> 01:00:51,500
Hello.
1291
01:00:51,500 --> 01:00:54,200
Oh. I love you, Ben.
I love you, Debbie.
1292
01:00:54,300 --> 01:00:57,900
We're gonna have another baby.
Okay.
1293
01:00:57,900 --> 01:00:59,200
Hello, baby.
1294
01:00:59,300 --> 01:01:01,200
Gentlemen, it's a girl!
1295
01:01:05,300 --> 01:01:07,400
We got a daughter!
Mazel tov!
1296
01:01:07,500 --> 01:01:10,100
Congratulations, Daddy!
We got
a beautiful little girl!
1297
01:01:10,200 --> 01:01:13,100
Let's meet her! She's awesome!
A beautiful little girl!
1298
01:01:13,700 --> 01:01:16,800
And then your mommy said,
"Just do it, already,"
1299
01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:20,200
which was very confusing
to Daddy.
1300
01:01:20,300 --> 01:01:24,500
So I listened to the most
literal translation of that
and I just did it, already.
1301
01:01:24,500 --> 01:01:26,300
What would you do?
1302
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:28,000
Don't tell Mommy,
1303
01:01:28,100 --> 01:01:32,100
but it was the smartest thing
I ever did, listening to her,
'cause now you're here.
1304
01:01:32,200 --> 01:01:34,800
Isn't that nice?
I think it is.
1305
01:01:40,500 --> 01:01:41,700
Hi, you.
1306
01:01:45,700 --> 01:01:47,800
I hope your apartment is big enough
for the three of us.
1307
01:01:47,900 --> 01:01:49,300
Oh, it definitely is.
1308
01:01:49,400 --> 01:01:52,100
That's why I got one in East LA,
the rent. It's huge!
1309
01:01:52,200 --> 01:01:53,500
The only thing is
we have to decide
1310
01:01:53,500 --> 01:01:55,800
if we're gonna be Crips
or Bloods before we get there.
1311
01:01:55,900 --> 01:01:58,300
Well, I look good in red.
I look good in blue.
1312
01:01:58,300 --> 01:01:59,600
The fighting continues.
1313
01:02:01,000 --> 01:02:03,100
We could just throw off everyone
and become Latin Kings.
1314
01:02:03,100 --> 01:02:04,200
Yeah.
1315
01:02:04,300 --> 01:02:05,500
We both look good in gold.
1316
01:02:05,500 --> 01:02:06,800
Yeah.
1317
01:02:07,800 --> 01:02:09,000
Good choice.
1318
01:02:09,100 --> 01:02:12,500
I would yell at you about driving
so slow, except the baby's here.
1319
01:02:12,600 --> 01:02:15,900
No, these guys can honk all they want.
I ain't going faster than 12.
1320
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:17,900
It might take us around three
hours to get home, though.