1 00:00:10,988 --> 00:00:12,750 if it's something you do with every girl. 2 00:00:12,906 --> 00:00:17,509 Every girl? No, no. I am strictly a one-woman guy. 3 00:00:17,661 --> 00:00:19,787 Well, I don't want to end up all over the Internet. 4 00:00:19,939 --> 00:00:22,144 I pride myself on keeping a low profile. 5 00:00:22,297 --> 00:00:24,695 My private life is private. Hm. 6 00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:30,139 Wait. I thought you never did this before. What are all these? 7 00:00:30,289 --> 00:00:33,176 Oh, uh, just some movies I rented. 8 00:00:33,925 --> 00:00:35,005 "Me and Brandy, Missionary"? 9 00:00:35,164 --> 00:00:37,892 A tale of two girls who become nuns. 10 00:00:38,236 --> 00:00:40,236 What are all those? 11 00:00:40,434 --> 00:00:41,763 Oh, that's just your standard 12 00:00:41,912 --> 00:00:44,311 home security setup. Basic run-of-the mill. 13 00:00:44,469 --> 00:00:46,947 No big deal, nothing too elaborate. Everybody has them. 14 00:00:47,107 --> 00:00:49,835 And why do you need security cameras pointing at your bed? 15 00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:52,303 In case a burglar tries to steal my sex tapes. 16 00:00:52,461 --> 00:00:53,700 Now, let's get into bed. 17 00:00:53,860 --> 00:00:56,429 Let's just make this quick. I have a court hearing in the morning. 18 00:00:56,577 --> 00:00:59,385 Judge Henderson? No. I wish. Thompson. 19 00:00:59,534 --> 00:01:01,614 Mm. That's going to suck for you. 20 00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:04,131 It was a driving mishap thingy. 21 00:01:04,290 --> 00:01:06,211 Do me a favor. Promise me you won't drive. 22 00:01:06,368 --> 00:01:08,255 That's sweet. You're worried about me driving. 23 00:01:08,406 --> 00:01:11,485 Mm-mm. I'm worried about me. I'm a pedestrian. 24 00:01:12,801 --> 00:01:14,131 Ow! 25 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,757 Sorry. That's my sobriety monitor. 26 00:01:18,595 --> 00:01:19,595 Ow! 27 00:01:19,754 --> 00:01:21,754 Sorry. Sorry. 28 00:01:21,912 --> 00:01:23,514 Ankle. Tracking bracelet. 29 00:01:30,209 --> 00:01:32,891 What are you doing? Huh? 30 00:01:34,085 --> 00:01:37,131 Just... warming up. 31 00:01:39,559 --> 00:01:42,083 You sure we're alone here? Feels like there's somebody else in this house. 32 00:01:42,237 --> 00:01:44,714 Did you hear that? 33 00:01:44,874 --> 00:01:47,079 That's nothing. 34 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:48,391 OK, what is that? 35 00:01:48,550 --> 00:01:50,835 Just... unraveling the old hose. 36 00:01:51,787 --> 00:01:53,674 Save it for tomorrow, Raul. 37 00:01:53,825 --> 00:01:55,473 Si, senor. 38 00:02:55,869 --> 00:02:57,676 Wow. That was amazing. 39 00:03:00,182 --> 00:03:03,421 Wow. Get out of here, Emilio. 40 00:03:06,415 --> 00:03:08,098 Charlie, I'm scared. 41 00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:10,175 Lindsay, sweetie, there's nothing to be afraid of. 42 00:03:15,566 --> 00:03:17,692 Hey, I got the stuff. I got to call you back, man. 43 00:03:18,603 --> 00:03:20,365 Ow! 44 00:03:28,753 --> 00:03:30,197 I think I better go. 45 00:03:31,031 --> 00:03:32,838 Really? How about tomorrow? You busy? 46 00:03:37,025 --> 00:03:39,753 I'm going to blow you across the room. 47 00:03:39,902 --> 00:03:41,232 Sounds awesome. 48 00:04:12,709 --> 00:04:15,710 And thus our story begins. 49 00:04:15,866 --> 00:04:19,389 The large reward offered for the rescue of Charlie's kids 50 00:04:19,542 --> 00:04:22,111 drew the attention of police, private detectives 51 00:04:22,259 --> 00:04:24,624 and Red Cross volunteers. 52 00:04:24,777 --> 00:04:27,823 Everyone was on high alert for these children, 53 00:04:28,014 --> 00:04:29,901 except these two guys. 54 00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:33,495 No, man, Obamacare gives senior citizens access to cheaper drugs, 55 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:37,808 free preventative care, and it closes the Medicare Part D loophole. 56 00:04:37,964 --> 00:04:40,612 And how does that help if I get shampoo in my dick hole? 57 00:04:40,761 --> 00:04:42,284 What? Mean to tell me you ain't never got 58 00:04:42,439 --> 00:04:44,088 shampoo in your pee hole? OK. 59 00:04:44,237 --> 00:04:45,761 Maybe like once or twice. Yeah, once or twice 60 00:04:45,916 --> 00:04:47,518 when you was playing with yourself. 61 00:04:47,674 --> 00:04:49,436 No, I wasn't playing with myself. 62 00:04:49,592 --> 00:04:51,752 I was showering, and crazy got up in there. 63 00:04:51,910 --> 00:04:54,751 Bullshit. Cam Newton's law of gravity is: 64 00:04:56,183 --> 00:04:58,991 Well, either way, that shit stings like hell. 65 00:04:59,180 --> 00:05:01,829 Sting like a mother, man, it feel like it's a hornet up in there. 66 00:05:02,254 --> 00:05:04,142 Exactly. I don't understand why 67 00:05:04,292 --> 00:05:06,055 the shampoo company can't fix that, man. 68 00:05:06,210 --> 00:05:07,779 They got "No More Tears." 69 00:05:07,929 --> 00:05:09,611 Why they can't make no more hornets in your dick? 70 00:05:09,807 --> 00:05:13,603 I don't really think they expect you to use the No More Tears on your dick. 71 00:05:13,763 --> 00:05:15,331 Well, why they call it Johnson & Johnson? 72 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:17,959 I got a better question, man. What the hell are two stoners doing 73 00:05:18,119 --> 00:05:19,846 wandering around these spooky-ass woods? 74 00:05:19,997 --> 00:05:23,395 Look, it's going to be worth it. I told you... this is Humboldt County. 75 00:05:23,553 --> 00:05:26,633 This is where all the growers grow their bomb-ass shit. 76 00:05:26,790 --> 00:05:28,836 You think they're gonna be cool with us just helping ourselves? 77 00:05:28,988 --> 00:05:30,511 Look, man, we ain't taking no plants. 78 00:05:30,666 --> 00:05:32,632 We're gonna snip a few buds. You know what I'm saying? 79 00:05:32,784 --> 00:05:34,386 It's gonna grow back just like a lobster paw. 80 00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:35,781 You know, that's how nature do. 81 00:05:35,941 --> 00:05:37,623 I don't know, man. Just doesn't feel right. 82 00:05:37,779 --> 00:05:40,018 Man, they ain't gonna care. Look, man, we're gonna be cool. 83 00:05:40,176 --> 00:05:42,700 We're gonna roll one blunt, then we're gonna get up out of here. 84 00:05:42,894 --> 00:05:44,815 Just one? Just one. 85 00:05:46,130 --> 00:05:48,256 They won't care, huh? Man, just keep running. 86 00:05:48,408 --> 00:05:51,534 Holy shit. Is that a drone? They're going all Zero Dark Thirty on our ass. 87 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,281 Yo, I think they gone. 88 00:06:00,796 --> 00:06:05,240 Oh, whoa. It's a cabin in the woods. We need to go hide over in there. 89 00:06:05,431 --> 00:06:06,761 Nah, man, I'm not going in there. 90 00:06:06,910 --> 00:06:08,114 It reminds me of a horror movie I once saw. 91 00:06:08,308 --> 00:06:11,468 What horror movie? The one with the cabin in the woods. 92 00:06:11,625 --> 00:06:13,148 Friday the 13th? No. 93 00:06:13,303 --> 00:06:14,792 The one with the cabin in the woods. 94 00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:16,305 Texas Chain Saw Massacre? 95 00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:18,506 No, the one with the cabin in the woods. 96 00:06:18,658 --> 00:06:20,068 The Ring. Uh-uh. 97 00:06:20,216 --> 00:06:22,820 The one with the cabin in the woods. Blair Witch Project. 98 00:06:23,014 --> 00:06:25,252 No, man, the one with the cabin in the woods. 99 00:06:25,411 --> 00:06:27,138 The Munsters. That wasn't in the woods. 100 00:06:27,289 --> 00:06:29,130 They wasn't even a damn movie. Look, man, 101 00:06:29,287 --> 00:06:30,856 we ain't got time for this shit right now. 102 00:06:31,006 --> 00:06:32,893 We need to get to that cabin in the woods. 103 00:06:48,268 --> 00:06:50,348 What the hell is that sound? 104 00:06:50,506 --> 00:06:53,234 Sound like the house settling. It looked new. 105 00:06:53,383 --> 00:06:55,145 I'm gonna take a look around. Go ahead. 106 00:06:58,618 --> 00:06:59,618 Ah! What is that? 107 00:07:06,290 --> 00:07:07,700 Ah! Oh! 108 00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:11,090 Where we shooting? There. 109 00:07:11,245 --> 00:07:12,530 Where? The dark! 110 00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:14,133 There? No, this dark. 111 00:07:14,962 --> 00:07:15,883 Over there. 112 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:20,921 Dude, what the hell was that? 113 00:07:21,075 --> 00:07:23,804 Big-ass Alaskan king crab just ran up on me, man. 114 00:07:23,953 --> 00:07:25,601 Crab? Cuz, we banging? Ja'Marcus, 115 00:07:25,751 --> 00:07:27,877 put the guns down, man. Put yours down first, homey. 116 00:07:28,028 --> 00:07:31,347 All right, on three. One, two, three. 117 00:07:32,584 --> 00:07:34,152 Damn. You want to try it again? 118 00:07:34,302 --> 00:07:37,462 Sure. One, two, three. 119 00:07:39,617 --> 00:07:41,219 One, two, three. 120 00:07:43,333 --> 00:07:47,220 Uno, dos, tres. 121 00:07:47,369 --> 00:07:49,449 Man, we could do this shit all day. 122 00:07:49,607 --> 00:07:51,289 Truce? Truce. 123 00:07:52,684 --> 00:07:55,969 Hey, yo, D'Andre. Look, homey. It's two little girls. 124 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,246 They're little racist girls, man. 125 00:07:58,398 --> 00:08:01,638 Wearing blackface. Cool with that? 126 00:08:02,234 --> 00:08:05,201 Hey, little girl, what's your name? 127 00:08:08,628 --> 00:08:10,116 What'd she say? She said, "I wonder what your leg 128 00:08:10,306 --> 00:08:11,591 tastes like." What? Ah, man! 129 00:08:11,745 --> 00:08:13,108 Little spider girl bit me. 130 00:08:13,263 --> 00:08:14,468 Maybe you're going to get superpowers. 131 00:08:14,622 --> 00:08:16,463 Ain't no black superheroes. I'm on it. 132 00:08:16,620 --> 00:08:18,063 ' Hi-ya! 133 00:08:20,776 --> 00:08:24,458 Yo. D'Andre, I think they're the missing kids from the news. 134 00:08:24,612 --> 00:08:25,975 How can you be so sure? Look. 135 00:08:27,289 --> 00:08:29,335 I don't know, man. Well, if it is the missing kids, 136 00:08:29,487 --> 00:08:31,487 I'm gonna take that reward money, and I'm gonna buy me 137 00:08:31,685 --> 00:08:34,686 a yacht, fill it with cash, bitches and a shark. 138 00:08:34,842 --> 00:08:36,171 Why would you want to buy a shark? 139 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,241 Trust me... we're gonna need a shark. 140 00:08:42,993 --> 00:08:45,642 No, this can't be right. 141 00:08:59,337 --> 00:09:00,747 Hi, Mom. 142 00:09:01,655 --> 00:09:03,337 I got to call you back. 143 00:09:04,452 --> 00:09:06,373 No baby, no baby, no baby, no baby. 144 00:09:07,689 --> 00:09:09,052 You're pregnant... No! 145 00:09:09,207 --> 00:09:13,128 ...with anticipation over the outcome of this iPregnancy test, 146 00:09:13,283 --> 00:09:16,204 which has determined that you are... 147 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:17,770 You got to be kidding me. 148 00:09:19,557 --> 00:09:20,637 Oh, no. 149 00:09:20,796 --> 00:09:22,319 Not pregnant. 150 00:09:22,514 --> 00:09:24,401 You dodged a bullet, you lucky slut. 151 00:09:24,552 --> 00:09:27,473 Thank you, God. Sweet! 152 00:09:28,708 --> 00:09:31,788 Great news: They found my brother's kids. 153 00:09:31,944 --> 00:09:33,229 Oh, crap. 154 00:09:33,383 --> 00:09:35,951 We're very fortunate the older one, Kathy, has retained 155 00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:37,584 most of her vocabulary. 156 00:09:37,739 --> 00:09:39,865 The baby hasn't actually said a word. 157 00:09:40,056 --> 00:09:43,341 Why not? Because he's a baby. 158 00:09:43,493 --> 00:09:46,936 They've been alone here over three long months. 159 00:09:47,089 --> 00:09:51,727 I need to warn both of you that this is not going to be easy. 160 00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:53,964 I'm ready for it. 161 00:09:54,122 --> 00:09:56,646 Hello. No, no. Wrong window. 162 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,277 Here's where the children are. 163 00:10:03,952 --> 00:10:05,998 - What is she doing? - In order to survive 164 00:10:06,150 --> 00:10:09,629 their extreme isolation, the girls created an imaginary guardian, 165 00:10:09,787 --> 00:10:13,992 a parent figure to feed them, sing to them. They call her Mama. 166 00:10:14,182 --> 00:10:16,786 But these may help you break through. 167 00:10:16,939 --> 00:10:18,667 And the Ritalin may help, as well. 168 00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:21,102 The proper dosage for someone their age is... 169 00:10:21,255 --> 00:10:22,540 Wish me luck. 170 00:10:27,089 --> 00:10:28,578 Hey, Lily. 171 00:10:34,642 --> 00:10:36,290 Oh, how cute. 172 00:10:38,798 --> 00:10:41,957 OK. Kathy. 173 00:10:42,594 --> 00:10:45,037 It's OK, Kathy. Remember these? 174 00:10:45,191 --> 00:10:47,873 You used to wear them to help you see better. 175 00:10:54,462 --> 00:10:55,950 No, no, no! 176 00:10:57,139 --> 00:11:00,140 Maybe we should get her some contacts... the soft kind. 177 00:11:03,892 --> 00:11:05,302 Daddy? 178 00:11:06,210 --> 00:11:08,654 No, sweetheart. Not Daddy. 179 00:11:08,847 --> 00:11:10,450 I'm your Uncle Dan. Remember? 180 00:11:10,606 --> 00:11:12,049 And this is Jody. 181 00:11:12,204 --> 00:11:14,170 Jo... 182 00:11:14,322 --> 00:11:17,163 Jody. No pause between "Jo" and "dy." 183 00:11:17,319 --> 00:11:19,285 Jo... 184 00:11:19,477 --> 00:11:21,875 Dan, we're at an impasse. I see constant conflict. 185 00:11:22,034 --> 00:11:24,080 It's fine. They'll warm up to you. 186 00:11:24,232 --> 00:11:25,642 Oh! 187 00:11:25,790 --> 00:11:28,268 Hey, hey, hey, little lady, that's not how... 188 00:11:28,428 --> 00:11:30,076 You little mother...! 189 00:11:33,703 --> 00:11:37,306 Well, everything checks out. They seem like good kids, Doc. 190 00:11:37,459 --> 00:11:38,744 Just validate our parking. We'll take them home. 191 00:11:38,897 --> 00:11:41,182 Folks, I wish it were that easy. You don't validate? 192 00:11:41,335 --> 00:11:43,574 I'm saying the kids are not yours to take. 193 00:11:43,733 --> 00:11:45,699 Well, you can't win them all. Let's skedaddle. 194 00:11:45,890 --> 00:11:49,857 That's not fair. They're my brother Charlie's kids. We deserve them. 195 00:11:50,006 --> 00:11:53,371 Do you? Your wife plays in a punk rock band, staying out all night long, 196 00:11:53,523 --> 00:11:56,205 high on drugs, sleeping with a different man every night. 197 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:59,122 I don't think the courts are gonna look upon that too favorably. 198 00:11:59,277 --> 00:12:00,607 But... I was just messing with you. 199 00:12:00,755 --> 00:12:01,994 The kids are yours. They are? 200 00:12:02,154 --> 00:12:03,598 Did you hear that, honey? They're ours! 201 00:12:03,752 --> 00:12:07,356 On one condition. This house is owned by the Institute for Case Studies. 202 00:12:07,509 --> 00:12:09,555 Every room is fully wired with cameras. 203 00:12:09,707 --> 00:12:12,310 If you move into the house, you get the kids. 204 00:12:12,464 --> 00:12:15,351 Can't we just sell the house and put the kids in a high-end orphanage? 205 00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:17,706 Jody, do you really think you're out out to be a mom? 206 00:12:17,858 --> 00:12:18,858 Mm-mm. Mm-mm. 207 00:12:19,057 --> 00:12:20,262 Of course she is. Dan! 208 00:12:20,416 --> 00:12:23,337 Now, no more rock band, no more silly wig. 209 00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,573 It's not silly. It's all a part of me. 210 00:12:25,730 --> 00:12:27,572 And no more tattoos. What are you doing? 211 00:12:27,768 --> 00:12:30,372 What I had to. We're a perfect suburban couple. 212 00:12:30,526 --> 00:12:35,288 And so Dan and Jody headed to their new house with their new children. 213 00:12:35,441 --> 00:12:38,759 But, like a slutty sorority girl returning from spring break, 214 00:12:38,917 --> 00:12:43,475 they were also bringing home a hidden evil. 215 00:12:44,711 --> 00:12:47,360 All right, kids, here's our new house. 216 00:12:47,509 --> 00:12:49,111 And here's Uncle Dan. 217 00:12:49,307 --> 00:12:52,467 Hi. Don't forget about mommy! 218 00:12:52,624 --> 00:12:56,420 Dan, I'm not their mommy. They can call me Aunt Jody. 219 00:12:56,580 --> 00:12:58,818 Or Jodes, J-Mom, Mrs. Sanders. 220 00:12:59,017 --> 00:13:00,620 Or, if they really want to call me... Garage! 221 00:13:03,053 --> 00:13:04,542 Here comes Jody and Aidan, 222 00:13:04,691 --> 00:13:06,294 entering the house for the very first time. 223 00:13:06,450 --> 00:13:10,087 This is where we're going to protect you and make sure nothing bad... 224 00:13:10,246 --> 00:13:11,814 Oh, my God, Aidan! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 225 00:13:11,964 --> 00:13:13,805 Maybe we should put him in the carrier. 226 00:13:13,962 --> 00:13:18,168 There, see, that's better. Come on, Aidan. What, what, what? 227 00:13:18,318 --> 00:13:20,603 Relax, it's OK. Oh, my gosh. 228 00:13:20,755 --> 00:13:22,597 Dan, I lost the baby! What? 229 00:13:22,753 --> 00:13:25,561 Oh, my gosh, Aidan! Aidan, where are you?! 230 00:13:25,710 --> 00:13:26,835 - Aidan! - Where did you go? 231 00:13:26,989 --> 00:13:31,229 Oh, there he is, OK. 232 00:13:31,385 --> 00:13:33,272 Here's your sister Kathy. 233 00:13:33,423 --> 00:13:34,752 Oh, Aidan, it's OK. 234 00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:36,629 You've just got to talk in a baby voice. 235 00:13:36,779 --> 00:13:39,985 It doesn't even matter what you say. OK. 236 00:13:40,136 --> 00:13:42,296 I'm your stepmommy. 237 00:13:43,732 --> 00:13:46,176 I'm not your fricking mommy. 238 00:13:46,330 --> 00:13:48,569 There you go, you're a natural. 239 00:13:48,767 --> 00:13:50,813 What's that smell? 240 00:13:52,524 --> 00:13:55,365 Oh, my God, what do I do? Oh, oh! Here, this, hold on! 241 00:13:55,561 --> 00:13:58,562 ' Uncle Dan! 242 00:13:58,717 --> 00:14:02,321 ' Kathy! Oh, sorry, Ow! 243 00:14:02,514 --> 00:14:06,037 All right, there you go, sweetie. 244 00:14:06,190 --> 00:14:09,555 Is it chilly in here? I felt it as soon as I entered the room. 245 00:14:09,706 --> 00:14:11,786 Feels fine. Hey, what are these? 246 00:14:11,944 --> 00:14:14,593 This is interesting. What is this? 247 00:14:14,741 --> 00:14:17,345 I don't know, Mama drew that one. 248 00:14:17,499 --> 00:14:20,227 Look, we drew this picture for Aidan. 249 00:14:20,413 --> 00:14:23,493 See? It's Aidan on a rocket to the moon. 250 00:14:23,649 --> 00:14:27,695 Oh. Sitting on a rocket. Where's Lily? 251 00:14:31,362 --> 00:14:33,442 Oh, no, sweetie, the other end. 252 00:14:34,359 --> 00:14:35,847 Ooh! 253 00:14:36,956 --> 00:14:39,241 Let's go introduce Aidan to the rest of the family. 254 00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:44,480 Oh, and there's our furry family member. 255 00:14:44,628 --> 00:14:47,197 - Yes, Maria. - No, Dan, Artie. 256 00:14:47,346 --> 00:14:49,312 Oh, yes, of course, our dog Artie. 257 00:14:49,464 --> 00:14:52,385 Ay, the new baby. I make blessing. Oh. 258 00:14:59,334 --> 00:15:01,221 OK, OK, that's good, Maria. 259 00:15:02,531 --> 00:15:04,054 Oh, my gosh. 260 00:15:06,007 --> 00:15:07,894 With three new kids to care for, 261 00:15:08,045 --> 00:15:10,932 Dan really needed to start performing at work. 262 00:15:11,082 --> 00:15:14,799 Unfortunately he was having some issues with a colleague. 263 00:15:14,958 --> 00:15:18,516 OK, Caesar, this is the one, I can feel it. 264 00:15:20,632 --> 00:15:23,917 Eighty-one seconds? Oh, Caesar. 265 00:15:24,069 --> 00:15:26,274 That's your worst time yet. 266 00:15:26,427 --> 00:15:28,904 You're doing even worse on your creativity test. 267 00:15:29,064 --> 00:15:32,621 I mean, look at all the imaginative things I made out of blocks. 268 00:15:32,780 --> 00:15:34,224 Like this awesome plane. 269 00:15:39,933 --> 00:15:43,059 Dan, do you have any results yet? 270 00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,858 Oh, well, I've been injecting the primates twice a day 271 00:15:46,007 --> 00:15:49,803 with the I-13 intelligence drug. I'm hoping in a week or so... 272 00:15:49,963 --> 00:15:52,964 I hope Caesar is not just a big waste of time and money. 273 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,757 I'm the one responsible to the board. Just show me one thing positive. 274 00:15:57,715 --> 00:16:00,364 Look. They still throw their shit. 275 00:16:00,512 --> 00:16:02,717 But now they can keep score. 276 00:16:05,428 --> 00:16:08,031 We have to kick-start this thing. When can we go to human trials? 277 00:16:08,225 --> 00:16:09,952 We're close, but there's an intermediate step. 278 00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:13,541 If the I-13 works on these reality wives... 279 00:16:13,699 --> 00:16:16,745 You better check that shit. Who gonna check me, boo? 280 00:16:25,408 --> 00:16:27,692 We're pinning the future of our lab on wild beasts. 281 00:16:27,845 --> 00:16:29,686 They're not beasts. 282 00:16:29,843 --> 00:16:32,208 They have feelings, they have families. 283 00:16:32,361 --> 00:16:35,123 Males pee standing up, females pee sitting down. 284 00:16:35,278 --> 00:16:37,438 These apes are just like you. 285 00:16:37,595 --> 00:16:40,482 And me... you and me, blacks and whites. 286 00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:43,951 More like whites, of course. We whites are a lighter shade of ape 287 00:16:44,109 --> 00:16:46,950 whereas you are bla... dder infection, we're all at risk. 288 00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:49,311 So, what were we talking about again? Vaginas. 289 00:16:49,463 --> 00:16:50,793 Shut up. Yes, of course. 290 00:16:50,942 --> 00:16:53,341 Caesar has got to show some human intelligence at that board meeting... 291 00:16:53,499 --> 00:16:56,705 Caesar's probably smarter than half of those board members. 292 00:16:56,856 --> 00:16:58,141 Dan... I know what you're going to say. 293 00:16:58,295 --> 00:17:00,977 "If he's so smart, why is he in a cage?" 294 00:17:01,731 --> 00:17:02,811 You're in the cage. 295 00:17:17,474 --> 00:17:18,963 What? 296 00:17:19,912 --> 00:17:21,594 Oh, you're looking for this? Uh-huh. 297 00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:22,750 It's my ballerina doll. 298 00:17:23,708 --> 00:17:25,072 You made this? Mama did, 299 00:17:25,267 --> 00:17:29,393 using twigs, moss, spiderwebs, sparrow bones, lizard eyes, 300 00:17:29,542 --> 00:17:32,509 all held together with rat droppings. Oh, geez. 301 00:18:22,529 --> 00:18:25,370 Ah, ah, ah. What... what are you doing? 302 00:18:25,526 --> 00:18:28,004 I just can't deal with these kids. They're creepy. 303 00:18:28,164 --> 00:18:29,324 We should just take 'em back. 304 00:18:29,482 --> 00:18:32,801 Maybe you guys just need to find some common ground. 305 00:18:32,959 --> 00:18:35,164 What about that ballerina doll Kathy's always playing with? 306 00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:37,957 I don't want to talk about the ballet. 307 00:18:39,113 --> 00:18:41,239 I saw what the ballet did to my mom. 308 00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:43,917 She became obsessed. 309 00:18:44,068 --> 00:18:47,705 She even danced the swan while she was pregnant with me. 310 00:18:51,660 --> 00:18:53,945 Boo, ray, boo! Shh! 311 00:18:54,138 --> 00:18:57,184 Shh. Hell. You better sit back before I punch you in your damn throat. 312 00:18:57,334 --> 00:18:58,334 We're trying to enjoy the show. 313 00:18:58,493 --> 00:19:02,256 You go on... shh... shh me again. I double-dog dare you, hell. 314 00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:04,375 Better ask somebody who I am. 315 00:19:14,837 --> 00:19:16,519 Whoa! 316 00:19:17,314 --> 00:19:19,883 Got it. 317 00:19:21,790 --> 00:19:23,392 Mom was never the same. 318 00:19:24,787 --> 00:19:28,152 That's unlikely to ever happen again, ever. 319 00:19:28,303 --> 00:19:31,622 Just give it a shot. Look what I found earlier. 320 00:19:31,780 --> 00:19:33,269 I mean, I know it's just a local production. 321 00:19:33,418 --> 00:19:38,022 But could be something for you and Kathy to talk about, could be fun. 322 00:19:38,174 --> 00:19:40,856 You really think so? Yes. 323 00:19:41,011 --> 00:19:44,295 Well, I suppose I could check it out. 324 00:19:44,447 --> 00:19:47,527 OK. But the minute it becomes too difficult, I'm giving up. 325 00:19:48,323 --> 00:19:49,448 That's the spirit. 326 00:20:02,989 --> 00:20:05,466 Even though Jody only returned to the ballet 327 00:20:05,626 --> 00:20:07,229 to connect with the girls, 328 00:20:07,384 --> 00:20:11,227 as she got closer she couldn't help but get excited at the prospect 329 00:20:11,380 --> 00:20:14,540 of becoming the Swan Queen. 330 00:20:14,697 --> 00:20:16,936 This season we open with "Swan Lake." 331 00:20:17,095 --> 00:20:19,095 As you all know, this piece has the most challenging 332 00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:23,333 and demanding role in all of ballet... the Swan Queen. 333 00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:25,057 Sizing up her competition, 334 00:20:25,207 --> 00:20:27,969 Jody knew the battle would be a tough one. 335 00:20:28,124 --> 00:20:30,090 The white and the black. 336 00:20:30,241 --> 00:20:33,242 Fortunately we have with us prima ballerina and the lead 337 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:37,524 in my last 146 productions... Heather Darcy. 338 00:20:39,792 --> 00:20:42,554 Ah, the seasoned professional. 339 00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:45,108 The still brilliant, crusty, old, weathered, 340 00:20:45,306 --> 00:20:49,466 leather-faced elder statesman of ballet to whom these young girls, 341 00:20:49,622 --> 00:20:52,463 less experienced, more beautiful and delicious, 342 00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:56,415 but still very raw ballerina hopefuls, look up. 343 00:20:56,575 --> 00:21:00,179 Show these far more desirable children how it's done, huh? 344 00:21:01,171 --> 00:21:03,330 Music! 345 00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:10,846 Try that thing where you are skipping 346 00:21:11,001 --> 00:21:13,127 and you hop and you spread your legs a little bit. 347 00:21:16,595 --> 00:21:18,960 Look at that form, that technique. 348 00:21:19,113 --> 00:21:20,761 I'll never be that good. 349 00:21:22,110 --> 00:21:23,473 I'm Jody, by the way. 350 00:21:23,628 --> 00:21:25,549 Kendra. 351 00:21:27,105 --> 00:21:29,628 Are you going to try out? Me? 352 00:21:29,782 --> 00:21:33,101 Oh, I don't know. I mean, I like to dance, but I just... 353 00:21:33,258 --> 00:21:34,986 I don't like to be the center of attention. 354 00:21:35,656 --> 00:21:38,100 OK, who's next? Oh, food. 355 00:21:38,253 --> 00:21:39,617 Huh? 356 00:21:54,397 --> 00:21:57,477 It is as if I am seeing ballet for the first time. 357 00:21:58,153 --> 00:21:59,483 That's not ballet. 358 00:22:04,867 --> 00:22:07,072 The passion, the sensuality. 359 00:22:09,699 --> 00:22:12,142 I can show passion. 360 00:22:12,856 --> 00:22:13,981 Oh, yeah. 361 00:22:15,413 --> 00:22:17,732 Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh. 362 00:22:17,931 --> 00:22:20,852 Jody certainly had her work cut out for her. 363 00:22:21,407 --> 00:22:23,976 That Kendra chick was smokin'. 364 00:22:24,124 --> 00:22:25,807 Do you accept euros? 365 00:22:55,613 --> 00:22:58,819 Kathy, Lily, Aidan? 366 00:23:12,756 --> 00:23:13,802 Jody? Ah! 367 00:23:13,955 --> 00:23:15,478 Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. 368 00:23:16,033 --> 00:23:17,760 I'm so sorry. I'm fine. 369 00:23:17,911 --> 00:23:19,149 It was on the floor. 370 00:23:19,349 --> 00:23:22,634 Ah, probably a screw loose. I'll fix it. 371 00:23:24,744 --> 00:23:26,267 I feel like there's something in this house. 372 00:23:26,422 --> 00:23:27,422 Like what? 373 00:23:27,581 --> 00:23:31,468 Like I feel hot, clammy, foul-smelling breath on my neck. 374 00:23:33,215 --> 00:23:36,614 You need call psychic. Kill bad spirits. 375 00:23:36,772 --> 00:23:39,818 Ugh. No, Maria, enough of this stuff. 376 00:23:39,969 --> 00:23:43,094 OK, then I do blessing, I protect house. 377 00:23:45,963 --> 00:23:48,247 Honey, you really need to relax. 378 00:23:49,079 --> 00:23:50,967 You're just stressed out about the children. 379 00:23:51,117 --> 00:23:53,959 No, it's this house. I... I feel it. 380 00:23:54,114 --> 00:23:57,433 And Maria's a little off. I mean, honestly do you really trust her? 381 00:23:57,591 --> 00:24:00,876 Oh, honey, don't worry, she couldn't hurt a fly. 382 00:24:01,027 --> 00:24:02,790 Look, you have a big day ahead of you tomorrow. 383 00:24:02,946 --> 00:24:05,310 Let's just get you some sleep, OK? 384 00:24:07,101 --> 00:24:08,261 Love you. 385 00:24:12,536 --> 00:24:15,104 I don't believe this... our whole house ransacked. 386 00:24:15,253 --> 00:24:17,538 You leave the house unattended with the doors unlocked 387 00:24:17,691 --> 00:24:18,976 and look what happens. 388 00:24:19,129 --> 00:24:21,858 They didn't take anything. It's just vandalism. 389 00:24:22,006 --> 00:24:24,245 Every room except the kids' rooms was trashed. 390 00:24:24,404 --> 00:24:25,404 So you suspect the kids? 391 00:24:25,563 --> 00:24:27,882 It was Mama. Mama did it. 392 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:31,325 She hates this house. She hates you. 393 00:24:33,675 --> 00:24:37,437 OK, Maria, this is camera. Necesito filming. 394 00:24:37,591 --> 00:24:39,478 Thank you for helping me clean up, sweetie. 395 00:24:39,629 --> 00:24:42,436 Oh, hey, been looking all over for this thing. 396 00:24:42,586 --> 00:24:44,313 Still got it... 397 00:24:44,464 --> 00:24:46,942 I'm sorry! God, help, honey! 398 00:24:47,141 --> 00:24:50,699 Maria, honey, help! Geez! Maria, put the camera... 399 00:24:50,858 --> 00:24:53,461 Oh, look at this. 400 00:24:53,615 --> 00:24:56,013 Mom coaching me when I was a little girl. 401 00:24:56,172 --> 00:24:59,651 Aw... Always applying the guilt trip. 402 00:24:59,849 --> 00:25:01,576 That got me the lead. 403 00:25:03,285 --> 00:25:04,888 Look, Maria. 404 00:25:05,043 --> 00:25:07,408 Maria, look what I found. What is this? 405 00:25:07,601 --> 00:25:12,363 Oh, uh, that's... a new type of electric toothbrush. 406 00:25:15,174 --> 00:25:17,743 Graffiti! 407 00:25:17,931 --> 00:25:20,011 Did you see this? 408 00:25:20,169 --> 00:25:23,329 Who does that? What are we...? Maria. 409 00:25:23,486 --> 00:25:27,373 Maria, por favor. 410 00:25:27,522 --> 00:25:31,159 Miss Jody, Miss Jody, you call this man... Mr. Blaine. 411 00:25:31,318 --> 00:25:33,284 He helped my sister. 412 00:25:33,476 --> 00:25:35,875 This is a psychic. Si, he'll help you. 413 00:25:36,033 --> 00:25:37,841 No, what we really need are more security cameras. 414 00:27:15,406 --> 00:27:16,611 You're still awake? 415 00:27:18,003 --> 00:27:19,208 All right, listen, guys, it's just us 416 00:27:19,362 --> 00:27:21,089 until Uncle Dan comes back from the hospital. 417 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:23,559 I don't like it, you don't like it, I don't like it. 418 00:27:23,718 --> 00:27:26,082 Now go to sleep. I have to be up early for ballet tomorrow. 419 00:27:32,309 --> 00:27:35,674 You really like ballet, don't you? Yeah, but I don't want you to go. 420 00:27:35,825 --> 00:27:36,871 Why? 421 00:27:37,024 --> 00:27:39,150 Mama says you're going to have an accident. 422 00:27:39,302 --> 00:27:43,462 Oh, OK. Is this the same Mama who trashed the house? 423 00:27:43,618 --> 00:27:45,584 Basically, yes. 424 00:27:51,730 --> 00:27:53,218 Don't go in there. 425 00:27:54,207 --> 00:27:55,128 I wasn't going to. 426 00:27:55,366 --> 00:27:56,571 Just don't. 427 00:27:56,764 --> 00:27:59,413 It's my house, I can if I want. 428 00:27:59,602 --> 00:28:00,761 I wouldn't. 429 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:02,603 Would. Wouldn't. 430 00:28:02,758 --> 00:28:04,600 Would, too. Would not. 431 00:28:04,756 --> 00:28:07,757 You know what? I'm the adult. You're not the boss of me. 432 00:28:07,913 --> 00:28:08,913 Don't. 433 00:28:30,611 --> 00:28:34,816 I told you not to let anyone in! 434 00:28:41,759 --> 00:28:43,442 And so Jody was... 435 00:28:43,638 --> 00:28:46,081 Oh, my God, I just smelled that. 436 00:28:46,235 --> 00:28:48,201 It just got to me, yeah. 437 00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:49,995 And so Jody was... 438 00:28:50,151 --> 00:28:52,117 Oh, no, I... I'm sorry, you have to excuse me. 439 00:28:52,309 --> 00:28:53,434 I got to get some fresh air. 440 00:28:53,588 --> 00:28:55,588 The next section should explain itself. 441 00:29:10,131 --> 00:29:11,893 All right, attention. 442 00:29:12,049 --> 00:29:13,652 I do not wish to repeat myself. 443 00:29:13,847 --> 00:29:16,451 I repeat, I do not wish to repeat myself. 444 00:29:16,605 --> 00:29:18,764 I require the sweater I wear as a scarf. 445 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,168 Ah. Comfortable, huh? 446 00:29:25,915 --> 00:29:28,802 Mm... Mother, please, I am working. 447 00:29:28,952 --> 00:29:32,431 All right, because Heather Darcy is so old, this season 448 00:29:32,589 --> 00:29:34,396 we will have a new Swan Queen, 449 00:29:34,547 --> 00:29:38,264 and that person is Jody Sanders. 450 00:29:42,698 --> 00:29:46,256 Now, Jody, show us your routine. 451 00:29:46,415 --> 00:29:49,143 No, I'm the Swan Queen. 452 00:29:50,091 --> 00:29:52,898 Watch me. Ah...! 453 00:29:53,048 --> 00:29:55,810 As I was saying, my choice for new... 454 00:29:55,965 --> 00:29:58,091 Her?! Anyone but her! 455 00:29:58,243 --> 00:30:01,800 You might just as well have picked the janitor! 456 00:30:01,959 --> 00:30:04,687 Me? 457 00:30:12,109 --> 00:30:14,757 Ira, please, not now. OK. What? 458 00:30:14,906 --> 00:30:16,906 Yes, it was a difficult decision, 459 00:30:17,064 --> 00:30:19,871 but I have always been attracted to Jody. 460 00:30:20,021 --> 00:30:21,987 How could I not? She has the body of a fifth-grade boy. 461 00:30:22,179 --> 00:30:25,100 But in the event that she is unable to dance, 462 00:30:25,256 --> 00:30:29,257 I am naming as her understudy Kendra Brooks. 463 00:30:33,568 --> 00:30:35,727 All right, that's lunch. 464 00:30:50,071 --> 00:30:52,958 Ooh, this is a nice house. I'm gonna go find the girls. 465 00:30:55,066 --> 00:30:58,033 Kathy, how did you know I was going to have an accident today at the ballet? 466 00:30:58,223 --> 00:30:59,348 Mama told me. 467 00:30:59,502 --> 00:31:02,820 OK, well, how did Mama know I was going to have an accident? 468 00:31:06,574 --> 00:31:09,734 Oh, there you are. I found this bandage on my head. 469 00:31:09,931 --> 00:31:12,898 Dan, please. I think there is something going on in this house, 470 00:31:13,048 --> 00:31:14,333 something about this Mama. 471 00:31:14,487 --> 00:31:16,249 I'm gonna call the psychic Maria told us about. 472 00:31:16,405 --> 00:31:18,053 Jody, do you really think we need a psychic? 473 00:31:18,203 --> 00:31:19,249 Uncle Dan, come here. 474 00:31:19,402 --> 00:31:21,209 Coming. I want to show you something. 475 00:31:22,718 --> 00:31:26,560 Uncle Dan, Mama taught me some tricks. Look what I can do. 476 00:31:27,793 --> 00:31:30,078 - Oh, wow, that's really good, honey. - Dada. 477 00:31:30,231 --> 00:31:32,879 Good Lord. 478 00:31:33,028 --> 00:31:36,268 Uncle Dan, look at me. Evil spirits. 479 00:31:36,425 --> 00:31:37,754 Look, Mr. Dan, look. 480 00:31:37,903 --> 00:31:40,665 Isn't that one of Jody's bathing suits? 481 00:31:40,820 --> 00:31:43,866 You're facing something our human minds cannot imagine. 482 00:31:44,057 --> 00:31:46,534 Mama. 483 00:31:47,454 --> 00:31:49,454 Let's get you in a robe. 484 00:31:50,730 --> 00:31:52,094 Do you want to hear about the ballet today? 485 00:31:53,248 --> 00:31:56,771 Mama's helping us get ready. Oh, OK, I'll brush, too. 486 00:31:59,961 --> 00:32:02,529 Hm. Where did my toothbrush go? 487 00:32:08,912 --> 00:32:11,390 Hey, we don't lick our balls in this house. 488 00:32:11,549 --> 00:32:13,914 Sorry, won't happen again. 489 00:32:15,505 --> 00:32:16,949 Try as she might, 490 00:32:17,104 --> 00:32:20,264 Jody just couldn't seem to connect with those kids. 491 00:32:20,421 --> 00:32:23,069 Or get the taste of that toothbrush out of her mouth. 492 00:32:23,218 --> 00:32:25,821 Was it just eight-year-old teen angst, 493 00:32:26,015 --> 00:32:29,380 or were there otherworldly forces at work here? 494 00:33:43,737 --> 00:33:45,101 Baby. Hm? 495 00:33:45,256 --> 00:33:46,415 Babe, I heard something. What? 496 00:33:46,574 --> 00:33:47,620 I think there's someone in the kitchen. 497 00:33:47,773 --> 00:33:50,501 See? There's nobody down here. 498 00:33:50,650 --> 00:33:52,776 There it is again! Right there. Go look. 499 00:33:52,928 --> 00:33:57,009 Jody, calm down. See, there's nothing to worry about. It's just... 500 00:33:57,164 --> 00:33:59,051 Oh, God! Geez! 501 00:34:01,759 --> 00:34:03,362 Dan, I'm calling the psychic! 502 00:34:03,557 --> 00:34:04,603 Ah! Make the call! 503 00:34:06,594 --> 00:34:08,435 Blaine Fulda, professional psychic. 504 00:34:08,592 --> 00:34:09,922 Hi, I'm Jody. 505 00:34:10,071 --> 00:34:12,469 Indeed you are. Yes. And this is my husband Dan. 506 00:34:12,628 --> 00:34:15,469 Your payment as requested. $500 in unmarked bills. 507 00:34:15,625 --> 00:34:17,432 And of course, you know Maria. 508 00:34:17,583 --> 00:34:20,107 Hola, Mr. Blaine. Hi, Maria. How's your sister? 509 00:34:20,261 --> 00:34:22,465 Dead. Demon kill her. 510 00:34:22,618 --> 00:34:24,425 Well, that explains the unreturned phone calls. 511 00:34:24,576 --> 00:34:27,100 I'm sensing evil. 512 00:34:27,254 --> 00:34:30,175 I'm gonna have to get some of your personal belongings here, 513 00:34:30,331 --> 00:34:32,979 just so I can check for demon and ghost residue. 514 00:34:33,128 --> 00:34:34,333 I'm not gonna be able to lift all those monitors, 515 00:34:34,486 --> 00:34:37,692 but I'll send my cousin tomorrow with the white van. He can get them in there. 516 00:34:37,843 --> 00:34:39,650 Dan was attacked by the kitchen last night. 517 00:34:39,801 --> 00:34:42,245 We think it might be Mama. Kitchen attack? 518 00:34:42,398 --> 00:34:43,922 You could've said that earlier. 519 00:34:44,077 --> 00:34:46,839 If a room turns on you, it's either a ghost or a demon. 520 00:34:46,994 --> 00:34:51,438 Can a demon take over someone? Like, live within them? 521 00:34:51,589 --> 00:34:52,999 Damn, that's some scary shit. 522 00:34:53,148 --> 00:34:55,308 So a demon is about the worst thing you can have? 523 00:34:55,465 --> 00:34:58,194 No, ma'am, an STD is the worst thing that you can have. 524 00:34:58,342 --> 00:35:01,821 Who do you know who wants to hurt you? Do you have a jealous colleague at work? 525 00:35:01,979 --> 00:35:03,900 A Facebook friend you might have ignored? 526 00:35:04,097 --> 00:35:07,177 Maybe you adopted a small African child named Ikatababwe, 527 00:35:07,333 --> 00:35:09,379 promising to feed this nigga for 25 cents a day. 528 00:35:09,571 --> 00:35:11,015 But then he needs something to drink! 529 00:35:12,009 --> 00:35:14,327 Anyway, let's begin. OK. 530 00:35:14,486 --> 00:35:16,851 This is the evil communicator. 531 00:35:17,004 --> 00:35:19,925 When I put this on, I'll be able to cross over to the other side 532 00:35:20,081 --> 00:35:22,399 and confront the entity. That will immediately trigger 533 00:35:22,598 --> 00:35:27,156 the final $350 payment of child support to Tisha Fulda. 534 00:35:27,313 --> 00:35:30,598 And if you guys would just join hands, close eyes and concentrate. 535 00:35:30,750 --> 00:35:33,956 Empty your mind of all the thoughts of today's troubles. 536 00:35:35,146 --> 00:35:37,589 Everything that went on, get that out of your mind. 537 00:35:37,743 --> 00:35:39,903 This is all about the spirit world here. 538 00:35:40,101 --> 00:35:44,340 And three, two and one. 539 00:35:50,410 --> 00:35:52,934 What's happening? Things are starting to move all by itself! 540 00:35:54,846 --> 00:35:56,448 Breathe! Breathe! 541 00:35:56,604 --> 00:35:58,411 - Wait, I don't think he can breathe! - He's a pro! 542 00:35:58,562 --> 00:36:01,403 A sophisticated piece of equipment like that? Of course he can breathe. 543 00:36:01,599 --> 00:36:03,918 Shit, I couldn't breathe. 544 00:36:04,077 --> 00:36:06,805 Almost killed myself. All right, I communicated. 545 00:36:06,954 --> 00:36:09,352 It was definitely a demon. Oh, my God. 546 00:36:10,630 --> 00:36:13,108 Wait a minute. I was wrong. It's a ghost. 547 00:36:13,307 --> 00:36:14,751 So strong. 548 00:36:15,545 --> 00:36:16,670 Ow! 549 00:36:17,503 --> 00:36:18,708 Help, it's got me! Dan! 550 00:36:18,862 --> 00:36:20,305 Dan, wake up! Ma'am, you got to 551 00:36:20,460 --> 00:36:23,825 get out of here. It's evil! It's pure evil! It's Mama! 552 00:36:44,476 --> 00:36:46,159 Now do you believe that something's going on? 553 00:36:46,314 --> 00:36:48,633 He got dragged away, yelling out, "Mama." 554 00:36:48,792 --> 00:36:50,792 He got dragged away? I don't remember that. 555 00:36:50,950 --> 00:36:54,234 Dan, you were unconscious. I don't remember that, either. 556 00:36:54,386 --> 00:36:55,910 Look, honey, I don't want to argue. 557 00:36:56,065 --> 00:36:58,031 The important thing is, we love each other, OK? 558 00:36:58,222 --> 00:37:00,587 No, the important thing is that this Mama thing could be real 559 00:37:00,740 --> 00:37:02,342 and she might be trying to kill us. 560 00:37:02,498 --> 00:37:05,465 Jod, that guy was a fraud and that's it. OK? 561 00:37:15,405 --> 00:37:17,565 What's that? My penis. 562 00:37:17,763 --> 00:37:19,365 No. Yes. 563 00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:24,166 There, right now, there. I know. I'm trying. 564 00:37:24,316 --> 00:37:27,556 What the hell is that? My penis? 565 00:37:28,512 --> 00:37:30,877 What's making that sound? 566 00:38:34,765 --> 00:38:37,084 Dan, what is that? 567 00:38:38,921 --> 00:38:40,409 My penis. 568 00:39:14,525 --> 00:39:17,492 Is that smoke? 569 00:39:21,558 --> 00:39:25,445 Maria! What are you doing?! You're gonna burn down the house! 570 00:39:25,594 --> 00:39:27,754 Kill bad spirits! 571 00:39:27,912 --> 00:39:31,390 What is going on? Maria almost burned the house down. 572 00:39:31,548 --> 00:39:32,594 What? That's it, she's got... 573 00:39:33,906 --> 00:39:38,463 Enough! This is getting out of hand. You're scaring everybody. 574 00:39:38,621 --> 00:39:40,667 You can't fire her. I mean, she's been with us for years. 575 00:39:40,819 --> 00:39:42,148 I don't know what to do. 576 00:39:42,297 --> 00:39:44,377 That's discrimination. OK, now what the hell? 577 00:39:44,535 --> 00:39:47,900 This is completely insane! It's what she believes in, honey! 578 00:39:48,051 --> 00:39:49,176 Give me that! 579 00:39:49,330 --> 00:39:52,171 You're gonna let me go?! Your family is not safe! 580 00:39:52,327 --> 00:39:54,453 I'm sorry, Maria, it's just not working out. 581 00:39:54,605 --> 00:39:57,333 I'll give you a recommendation, just nothing involving kids 582 00:39:57,482 --> 00:40:00,244 or within a mile of anyone's house. 583 00:40:01,678 --> 00:40:05,360 I can't do this anymore. I got to go to work. 584 00:40:05,554 --> 00:40:07,122 I don't even understand what you're saying! 585 00:40:41,438 --> 00:40:43,359 Ow! 586 00:40:43,556 --> 00:40:45,158 Ladies and gentlemen, 587 00:40:45,314 --> 00:40:48,076 for the past two years, our own Dan Sanders has been 588 00:40:48,231 --> 00:40:50,914 testing the I-13 compound on 30 apes. 589 00:40:51,068 --> 00:40:53,353 Unfortunately, 29 of them turned into 590 00:40:53,506 --> 00:40:56,074 insane, aggressive, deviant sexual predators. 591 00:40:56,263 --> 00:40:58,263 But one, Caesar, 592 00:40:58,421 --> 00:41:01,501 has experienced a huge leap in intelligence. 593 00:41:01,658 --> 00:41:03,818 Here he plays three opponents. 594 00:41:04,015 --> 00:41:05,379 Of course, they're apes. 595 00:41:05,534 --> 00:41:10,330 But Caesar's superior capabilities are the work of one man. 596 00:41:10,489 --> 00:41:14,012 The brains behind the I-13 project, Dan San... 597 00:41:14,165 --> 00:41:15,495 Are you OK? I'm fine, Martin. 598 00:41:15,684 --> 00:41:19,082 Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to Caesar... 599 00:41:19,240 --> 00:41:20,445 You're not getting away from me! 600 00:41:20,639 --> 00:41:22,446 Oof! 601 00:41:26,793 --> 00:41:28,997 Oh, no! 602 00:41:47,732 --> 00:41:49,936 Traffic is backed up on the Broad Street Bridge, 603 00:41:50,089 --> 00:41:53,533 where apparently police are battling dozens of apes in a running gunfight. 604 00:41:53,726 --> 00:41:56,772 Our reports indicate that a scientist at a research laboratory 605 00:41:56,922 --> 00:41:59,844 gave these apes an experimental intelligence drug. 606 00:41:59,999 --> 00:42:03,523 I'm being told that all available officers are now on the scene. 607 00:42:03,676 --> 00:42:08,802 But at this time, we are advising all our viewers to find alternate routes. 608 00:42:08,950 --> 00:42:11,758 I'm now being told we have the actual 911 call 609 00:42:11,907 --> 00:42:14,067 that first alerted the police to the situation. 610 00:42:14,265 --> 00:42:16,504 911, what's your emergency? 611 00:42:16,663 --> 00:42:19,266 Oh, my God! Apes are inside the house! 612 00:42:19,420 --> 00:42:21,580 Calm down, ma'am. What happened? 613 00:42:21,738 --> 00:42:23,659 We were making love and... Oh, my God! 614 00:42:23,816 --> 00:42:25,737 - They're attacking him! - Who are they attacking, ma'am? 615 00:42:25,933 --> 00:42:29,571 Carl! Oh, my God! Please, help him! 616 00:42:29,730 --> 00:42:31,934 - Where is your husband right now? - Carl's not my husband. 617 00:42:32,087 --> 00:42:35,770 My husband's the anchor for Channel 12 News. He can't know about it. 618 00:42:35,923 --> 00:42:37,492 - OK, ma'am, but we need to... - Hurry! 619 00:42:37,682 --> 00:42:39,648 Send help while my husband's still on the air! 620 00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:42,198 Ma'am, that's not important. Your life is. 621 00:42:42,357 --> 00:42:44,403 Yeah, you're right. Why should he care? 622 00:42:44,595 --> 00:42:47,835 I mean, I'm pretty sure he's been sleeping with his co-anchor, that bitch! 623 00:42:47,991 --> 00:42:49,196 Oh, I'm gonna rip her... 624 00:42:53,786 --> 00:42:55,752 Congratulations, girl. 625 00:42:55,903 --> 00:42:59,347 I knew it was gonna be you. You're just so perfect, so mechanical. 626 00:42:59,500 --> 00:43:02,068 Watching you dance is like watching a robot. 627 00:43:02,217 --> 00:43:03,422 Thanks. 628 00:43:05,654 --> 00:43:07,256 So hungry. 629 00:43:09,849 --> 00:43:10,849 Mm. 630 00:43:11,008 --> 00:43:13,373 Is that all? Pierre has a weight limit. 631 00:43:13,526 --> 00:43:16,333 I'm too heavy. Look at Mara. 632 00:43:16,483 --> 00:43:18,847 She looks great. 633 00:43:20,399 --> 00:43:21,604 Look, are you sure you're OK? 634 00:43:22,677 --> 00:43:24,165 Weird things have been happening at home. 635 00:43:24,315 --> 00:43:26,520 Kathy said there was going to be an accident. 636 00:43:26,673 --> 00:43:30,594 Then it happened to Heather. That's some serious shit. 637 00:43:30,749 --> 00:43:32,953 You should talk to those kids. 638 00:43:33,106 --> 00:43:34,675 Whoa, pizza. 639 00:43:37,901 --> 00:43:42,823 I eat and eat and eat, and I don't gain a pound. 640 00:44:08,191 --> 00:44:09,873 Heather! 641 00:44:11,228 --> 00:44:12,752 You think you can replace me? 642 00:44:12,906 --> 00:44:17,510 Well, we'll see how you like it once the swan consumes you! 643 00:44:28,091 --> 00:44:30,012 Damn it! 644 00:44:30,569 --> 00:44:31,932 Door! 645 00:44:33,206 --> 00:44:35,093 Son of a bitch! 646 00:44:37,801 --> 00:44:40,847 Oh, I didn't know you were such a good builder. 647 00:44:42,157 --> 00:44:43,601 Wow. 648 00:44:44,715 --> 00:44:47,794 Kathy, I want you to tell me about Mama. 649 00:44:47,951 --> 00:44:50,952 Mama doesn't like it when you talk about her. 650 00:44:51,108 --> 00:44:52,154 Who is Mama? 651 00:44:52,347 --> 00:44:54,586 She was a woman who read from an evil book. 652 00:44:54,744 --> 00:44:58,029 Sometimes she comes to us in a dream. 653 00:44:58,221 --> 00:45:00,187 In a dream? 654 00:45:00,339 --> 00:45:02,499 In your dreams, of course. 655 00:45:02,657 --> 00:45:04,498 I wish I could see what's inside your dreams. 656 00:45:06,213 --> 00:45:09,373 To extract what's in your dreams. To perform an inception. 657 00:45:10,728 --> 00:45:13,093 Will you drop that? That's my birth tuba. 658 00:45:16,203 --> 00:45:20,204 Hello. I'm Dom Kolb. You called about a dream extraction? 659 00:45:20,359 --> 00:45:22,757 Yes. I need to find out about an evil book. 660 00:45:22,916 --> 00:45:24,076 Mm-hm. 661 00:45:24,275 --> 00:45:26,957 This machine will allow us access to the dream world. 662 00:45:27,112 --> 00:45:28,442 Let's begin. 663 00:45:32,746 --> 00:45:34,349 So when do we start dreaming? 664 00:45:34,505 --> 00:45:37,153 You never really remember the beginning of a dream, 665 00:45:37,302 --> 00:45:38,507 do you? I guess. 666 00:45:38,700 --> 00:45:40,622 OK, then, 667 00:45:40,778 --> 00:45:44,461 this is your first lesson in shared dreaming. Stay calm. 668 00:45:44,615 --> 00:45:47,297 Sorry. I dropped my phone in there. 669 00:45:48,411 --> 00:45:51,775 You need to clear your subconscious. And watch what you think about. 670 00:45:51,927 --> 00:45:54,166 Nothing crazy. Right. 671 00:45:54,325 --> 00:45:57,053 Like having your crotch burst into flames. 672 00:46:07,112 --> 00:46:10,352 What does that have to do with Ma...? 673 00:46:10,509 --> 00:46:13,077 Hey! Oh. 674 00:46:13,945 --> 00:46:17,389 Let's start over. 675 00:46:22,297 --> 00:46:24,263 I'm Jody Sanders. 676 00:46:24,415 --> 00:46:26,495 Yes, my dear. I've been expecting you. 677 00:46:26,652 --> 00:46:28,494 Please, come in. 678 00:46:28,650 --> 00:46:30,299 They call me Christian Grey. 679 00:46:34,445 --> 00:46:36,332 How do you like my blue room? 680 00:46:36,483 --> 00:46:39,404 It's red. Oh. I'm color-blind. 681 00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:41,838 My decorator assured me that... Never mind. 682 00:46:44,674 --> 00:46:46,323 Champagne? Mm. 683 00:46:53,539 --> 00:46:56,903 Hey, Christian, man, golly, man! I'd like to thank you a lot, man, 684 00:46:57,095 --> 00:46:59,414 for working on my prostrate like it was a speed bag. 685 00:46:59,573 --> 00:47:02,540 Yes, Michael, I must admit, I was surprised at your performance, as well. 686 00:47:02,689 --> 00:47:06,008 Not bad for a washed-up, overweight, facially tattooed... 687 00:47:07,764 --> 00:47:08,810 Do it again. 688 00:47:11,401 --> 00:47:12,924 Oh...! 689 00:47:18,074 --> 00:47:20,642 I have no idea what that one was. 690 00:47:21,431 --> 00:47:23,397 Me neither. 691 00:47:25,267 --> 00:47:27,393 Mama, are you here? 692 00:47:27,545 --> 00:47:31,148 Dom, is that you? Oh, shit. 693 00:47:31,301 --> 00:47:34,585 You said you'd had a dream that we'd grow old together. 694 00:47:34,737 --> 00:47:36,465 Right. And we will. 695 00:47:36,615 --> 00:47:39,661 What are you doing here? Hi. 696 00:47:39,812 --> 00:47:41,892 How could you bring her here? What about our children? 697 00:47:42,050 --> 00:47:45,573 They're not real. Yes, they are. Watch. 698 00:47:45,766 --> 00:47:47,812 James, Phillippa! 699 00:47:49,642 --> 00:47:50,450 Ew. 700 00:47:56,396 --> 00:47:58,999 You're not gonna jump, are you? 701 00:47:59,153 --> 00:48:01,881 I hadn't thought about that. Thank you. 702 00:48:04,907 --> 00:48:05,953 OK, we're not getting anywhere. 703 00:48:06,106 --> 00:48:07,594 What does any of this have to do with Kathy? 704 00:48:07,744 --> 00:48:09,551 Kathy? I thought you were Kathy. 705 00:48:12,899 --> 00:48:14,104 Oh. 706 00:48:27,844 --> 00:48:32,925 "Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto." 707 00:48:50,541 --> 00:48:52,746 What's happening to me?! 708 00:48:54,497 --> 00:48:57,577 That must have been her. Mama. 709 00:48:58,693 --> 00:49:00,456 She wants to take us home to the cliff. 710 00:49:01,930 --> 00:49:03,737 What does that mean? I don't know. 711 00:49:04,887 --> 00:49:06,728 But I trust you'll give me a favorable Yelp review? 712 00:49:13,998 --> 00:49:15,408 Jody's mission was clear. 713 00:49:15,596 --> 00:49:17,517 The evil book that created Mama 714 00:49:17,674 --> 00:49:21,198 was located in the cellar of a cabin, in the woods. 715 00:49:21,391 --> 00:49:25,516 If she could find that cabin, maybe she could find some answers. 716 00:49:25,666 --> 00:49:28,746 If we can find that cabin, maybe we can find some answers. 717 00:49:28,903 --> 00:49:30,790 OK, calm down. I'm gonna come over. 718 00:49:32,499 --> 00:49:33,784 Kendra? What? 719 00:49:35,656 --> 00:49:37,577 OK, wait, what's going on now? 720 00:49:37,734 --> 00:49:40,099 I think she's out there! 721 00:49:41,570 --> 00:49:43,650 OK, OK, just... you stay calm! 722 00:49:43,848 --> 00:49:44,928 Front door open. 723 00:49:45,087 --> 00:49:47,213 She's in the house! Front door open. 724 00:49:47,365 --> 00:49:49,490 OK, stay... Front door open. 725 00:49:49,682 --> 00:49:51,092 Shut the hell up! 726 00:49:51,241 --> 00:49:52,889 No need for that, bitch. 727 00:49:53,039 --> 00:49:54,926 Bitch?! Front door open. 728 00:49:55,077 --> 00:49:57,203 No, you did not just call me a bitch! Front door open... 729 00:50:00,551 --> 00:50:01,961 Honey? Dan?! 730 00:50:02,110 --> 00:50:06,077 I am so sorry. I didn't know who you were and... 731 00:50:06,266 --> 00:50:09,948 It's OK, honey, it was an accident. Right, Caesar? 732 00:50:10,142 --> 00:50:12,870 And of course he can stay here. 733 00:50:16,056 --> 00:50:18,261 Look at that. Caesar wants to help out around the house. 734 00:50:18,413 --> 00:50:19,413 Aw. 735 00:50:20,012 --> 00:50:22,297 Hey... 736 00:50:28,244 --> 00:50:30,562 I'm sorry, I see an ape, I come out swinging. 737 00:50:30,761 --> 00:50:33,841 That's understandable. 738 00:50:33,998 --> 00:50:35,521 Here you go. 739 00:50:35,676 --> 00:50:38,643 I am so glad you're OK, but tonight was a wake-up call. 740 00:50:38,793 --> 00:50:42,589 I think we've got to find that cabin. OK. I got an idea. 741 00:50:42,749 --> 00:50:46,148 Wait, we fired Maria. Who's gonna watch the kids? 742 00:50:46,346 --> 00:50:48,823 I already took care of it. 743 00:50:50,182 --> 00:50:52,864 Naughty Nanny's here. Nice to meet you, Naughty. 744 00:50:53,059 --> 00:50:56,105 This is my wife Jody. Threesome? That costs extra. 745 00:50:57,175 --> 00:50:59,903 Oh, Jesus. Monkey, too? 746 00:51:00,052 --> 00:51:03,973 Oh, you people are freaks, but for an extra $100. 747 00:51:04,128 --> 00:51:05,491 What agency did you call? 748 00:51:05,646 --> 00:51:08,215 Oh, they have nurses and cheerleaders and nannies. 749 00:51:08,363 --> 00:51:10,648 Dan, you called an escort service. 750 00:51:10,801 --> 00:51:13,483 I used the same agency to book a Santa for Christmas. 751 00:51:13,678 --> 00:51:15,327 Someone called for Santa? 752 00:51:16,475 --> 00:51:18,794 Ho,ho,ho. 753 00:51:20,831 --> 00:51:22,877 Dan, you're watching the kids. 754 00:51:28,423 --> 00:51:32,743 Jody was nervous about what she might find at the cabin, 755 00:51:32,899 --> 00:51:34,501 but she was comforted by the fact 756 00:51:34,657 --> 00:51:38,101 that Caesar and the girls were in good hands. 757 00:52:03,905 --> 00:52:06,303 Who do you work for? 758 00:52:07,621 --> 00:52:09,542 Kendra, this isn't the cabin I was talking about. 759 00:52:09,699 --> 00:52:12,700 I know, I just thought you needed to relax. 760 00:52:12,856 --> 00:52:13,902 Take one of these. 761 00:52:14,734 --> 00:52:17,382 Um, I don't know. 762 00:52:17,531 --> 00:52:20,338 Oh, come on, they'll only last a couple of hours, tops. 763 00:52:20,488 --> 00:52:23,648 Kendra, I don't need drugs to have fun. 764 00:52:28,001 --> 00:52:29,081 Let me take a picture. OK. 765 00:52:29,240 --> 00:52:30,399 Oh, that's so hot! 766 00:52:30,598 --> 00:52:32,247 Yeah! 767 00:52:33,915 --> 00:52:36,483 Yeah, ride it, yeah, yeah! 768 00:52:50,818 --> 00:52:53,500 A dollar will make me holler, honey boo boo child. 769 00:54:07,054 --> 00:54:10,532 Oh, my God, rehearsal. I'm late. 770 00:54:10,930 --> 00:54:15,374 Oh, no, oh, my God, oh, my God. Oh, my God. 771 00:54:31,070 --> 00:54:34,434 Stop, stop! Oh, Jody, thank God you're here, girl. 772 00:54:34,586 --> 00:54:35,996 I was just dancing and kissing him 773 00:54:36,144 --> 00:54:37,588 'cause I didn't want him to think about you being late. 774 00:54:37,743 --> 00:54:39,948 Well, I'm the dancer, so I'll do the kissing around here. 775 00:54:40,140 --> 00:54:41,789 That was amazing. 776 00:54:44,776 --> 00:54:46,015 I want you to have my children. 777 00:54:46,174 --> 00:54:48,539 But, Papa, please, we want to stay with you. 778 00:54:48,692 --> 00:54:50,977 Back in the car, Gaston. Aw... 779 00:54:51,129 --> 00:54:52,812 She can't make you forget about me. 780 00:54:52,968 --> 00:54:55,048 I overslept because you just took off this morning. 781 00:54:55,205 --> 00:54:56,774 This morning? Yeah, you slept over. 782 00:54:56,924 --> 00:54:59,652 What? Wait a minute, did you have some kind of lezzo dream fantasy 783 00:54:59,801 --> 00:55:01,801 about me? Don't act like you weren't there. 784 00:55:01,959 --> 00:55:04,800 We had something special. We made love last night for hours. 785 00:55:04,956 --> 00:55:06,718 What? Oh, and now you're gonna tell me 786 00:55:06,874 --> 00:55:08,203 Tiger Woods didn't come out of my vagina? 787 00:55:11,950 --> 00:55:14,996 Jody. 788 00:55:15,146 --> 00:55:17,034 What?! 789 00:55:17,224 --> 00:55:19,350 Oh, yeah, yeah. 790 00:55:19,502 --> 00:55:21,707 Well, that explains the poison ivy. 791 00:55:21,860 --> 00:55:23,269 Jody? 792 00:55:24,377 --> 00:55:26,582 There you are. Kendra? 793 00:55:26,735 --> 00:55:28,383 Oh, the door was open so I let myself in. 794 00:55:28,533 --> 00:55:31,215 It's OK. Look, I'm so sorry. 795 00:55:31,370 --> 00:55:33,894 I really believed something happened between us last night. 796 00:55:34,047 --> 00:55:37,207 I must have dreamt the whole thing. Oh, no, we had sex. 797 00:55:37,364 --> 00:55:38,888 But this morning at rehearsal, you said... 798 00:55:39,042 --> 00:55:40,884 I can't have the whole cast knowing my business. 799 00:55:41,040 --> 00:55:42,529 I'm already doing half of 'em, 800 00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:44,560 and besides, me and Pierre... we have this little thing... 801 00:55:44,717 --> 00:55:45,922 Wait, then, what's this? 802 00:55:47,394 --> 00:55:49,076 Beats me... must have happened after I left. 803 00:55:49,232 --> 00:55:52,551 Oh, yeah! Girl, you are freaky. 804 00:55:54,387 --> 00:55:56,114 Oh, yeah. 805 00:55:56,305 --> 00:55:58,465 Oh, yeah, get it. Oh, my God. 806 00:56:00,901 --> 00:56:02,708 Oh, shit! 807 00:56:02,859 --> 00:56:05,700 See, I knew she was real. 808 00:56:07,974 --> 00:56:09,974 All right, let's find out where this cabin is. 809 00:56:11,330 --> 00:56:13,137 Ugh! 810 00:56:27,674 --> 00:56:30,151 What in the hell? 811 00:56:30,311 --> 00:56:32,471 Bad girl. 812 00:56:33,948 --> 00:56:34,948 Oh, what is this? 813 00:56:35,106 --> 00:56:38,664 Oh, my God, it's the same cabin from the dream. Of course. 814 00:56:40,221 --> 00:56:41,949 So, what are we gonna do if we find that book? 815 00:56:42,139 --> 00:56:44,788 I don't know, if that's the book that turned Mama into what she is, 816 00:56:44,937 --> 00:56:47,505 maybe it could somehow reverse the curse. 817 00:56:47,654 --> 00:56:49,142 OK, we're almost there. 818 00:56:50,451 --> 00:56:53,611 Hey, I'm not going in there. We have to go inside. 819 00:56:53,808 --> 00:56:57,013 The book is the key to the nightmare I'm living. 820 00:56:57,164 --> 00:57:00,722 Oh, my gosh, who are you? I'm Jody and this is Kendra. 821 00:57:00,881 --> 00:57:02,643 We're looking for something very important. 822 00:57:02,799 --> 00:57:05,037 We all are. Come on in. 823 00:57:10,271 --> 00:57:13,511 ♪ Go tell it on the mountain 824 00:57:13,668 --> 00:57:17,828 ♪ Over the hills and everywhere Go... 825 00:57:17,983 --> 00:57:20,507 Everybody, this is Jody and Kendra. 826 00:57:20,661 --> 00:57:22,423 Hello, Jody and Kendra. Hi. 827 00:57:22,579 --> 00:57:23,818 Pardon me for not standing, 828 00:57:23,977 --> 00:57:26,501 but I'm mending the wing of this bird that we found in the woods. 829 00:57:26,655 --> 00:57:29,383 OK. Hi, we're in a hurry. 830 00:57:29,532 --> 00:57:31,294 We're actually looking for a book that could save lives. 831 00:57:31,450 --> 00:57:33,815 Yes, I've got it right here. Oh, thank God. 832 00:57:33,967 --> 00:57:38,127 Thank him indeed. The Bible. Here, let me read to you. 833 00:57:38,283 --> 00:57:41,011 Oh, no, no, see, we're actually looking for... 834 00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:45,002 ...the book of evil. I know evil all too well. 835 00:57:45,156 --> 00:57:47,043 You do? This weekend's devoted to Mia. 836 00:57:47,194 --> 00:57:48,479 It's a detox weekend. 837 00:57:49,832 --> 00:57:52,116 She's hooked on energy shots. 838 00:57:52,269 --> 00:57:53,872 Oh, yeah, that's a real struggle. 839 00:57:54,027 --> 00:57:55,710 OK, listen, we're looking for another book 840 00:57:55,866 --> 00:57:58,548 somewhere in this cabin. Hm. We haven't seen anything. 841 00:57:58,703 --> 00:58:00,385 We gave it a shot, let's get out of here. 842 00:58:00,541 --> 00:58:02,382 OK, wait. 843 00:58:02,539 --> 00:58:05,619 - Is there a cellar? - Great. 844 00:58:10,371 --> 00:58:12,451 There it is. Oh! 845 00:58:29,072 --> 00:58:30,402 OK, I don't care what it says. 846 00:58:31,830 --> 00:58:33,637 "The curse begins with four words. 847 00:58:33,788 --> 00:58:37,152 Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto." 848 00:58:48,972 --> 00:58:50,382 You're all going to die tonight. 849 00:58:53,648 --> 00:58:55,375 You're all going to die tonight. 850 00:59:09,752 --> 00:59:11,400 "The curse ends with one word. 851 00:59:11,550 --> 00:59:13,152 Adunda." 852 00:59:15,786 --> 00:59:17,115 What the heck? 853 00:59:17,304 --> 00:59:20,748 Why? I don't have an arm. 854 00:59:22,139 --> 00:59:24,708 For some reason I cut my tongue in half. 855 00:59:24,856 --> 00:59:28,300 OK, well, let's at least finish the song. Everyone hold hands. 856 00:59:28,453 --> 00:59:31,693 Except for Eric. Damn. 857 00:59:31,889 --> 00:59:35,935 ♪ Go tell it on the mountain 858 00:59:36,085 --> 00:59:40,245 ♪ Over the hills and everywhere 859 00:59:40,401 --> 00:59:42,878 Well, maybe we didn't do it right. 860 00:59:43,038 --> 00:59:45,800 "Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto." 861 00:59:58,543 --> 01:00:00,589 "Adunda." 862 01:00:00,741 --> 01:00:03,389 Why does this keep happening? Where's my arm? 863 01:00:03,538 --> 01:00:06,015 Is this yours? That's a left. 864 01:00:06,175 --> 01:00:07,699 That's mine. Could you hand it to me, please? 865 01:00:07,853 --> 01:00:10,377 I need a right. Eric chainsawed it off. 866 01:00:10,531 --> 01:00:12,815 Look, I'm sorry. My... My leg? 867 01:00:12,968 --> 01:00:15,333 No, that's black. It's not mine. 868 01:00:15,486 --> 01:00:18,089 Oh, shit. I don't know what I'm gonna do. 869 01:00:18,243 --> 01:00:21,084 Oh, cry me a river. 870 01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:23,240 I'm gonna need a little help. I have to go to the bathroom. 871 01:00:24,557 --> 01:00:28,194 My penis is in the corner. This is fucked up. 872 01:00:28,353 --> 01:00:29,876 Let me try. 873 01:00:31,710 --> 01:00:36,552 "Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto." 874 01:00:39,422 --> 01:00:40,422 Nothing again. 875 01:00:43,857 --> 01:00:45,506 You know what? Let's go. Wait, there's a door right here. 876 01:00:45,656 --> 01:00:46,985 Let's go out this way. 877 01:00:47,134 --> 01:00:49,578 OK, cool, we can avoid the weirdos upstairs. 878 01:00:49,731 --> 01:00:53,210 ♪ We're gonna get you 879 01:00:53,368 --> 01:00:56,175 3 Not another peep 880 01:00:58,203 --> 01:01:04,125 Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto. Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto. 881 01:01:04,437 --> 01:01:06,835 Kendra and I recited the Latin words over and over 882 01:01:06,994 --> 01:01:09,074 at the cabin and on the way home. 883 01:01:09,232 --> 01:01:12,039 We must have said it a hundred times, but nothing happened. 884 01:01:12,189 --> 01:01:13,394 What if it isn't the right book? 885 01:01:13,548 --> 01:01:15,866 Maybe the curse has somehow been lifted. 886 01:01:17,863 --> 01:01:21,228 Luckily for Dan and Jody, there was someone in the house 887 01:01:21,380 --> 01:01:23,698 who, thanks to the I-13 formula, 888 01:01:23,857 --> 01:01:27,654 had increased intelligence and superior cognitive ability. 889 01:01:27,813 --> 01:01:30,382 His analytical problem-solving skills allowed him... 890 01:01:30,531 --> 01:01:33,338 ...to ascertain crucial information. 891 01:01:33,488 --> 01:01:38,444 A marvel of modern-day science, his IQ had surpassed even the most... 892 01:01:38,603 --> 01:01:39,887 Aw, hell. 893 01:02:10,810 --> 01:02:12,697 Why did I think you could be intelligent? 894 01:02:12,888 --> 01:02:14,888 You're nothing but a dumb animal. 895 01:02:15,046 --> 01:02:16,410 Ow! 896 01:02:16,565 --> 01:02:18,372 Idiot! 897 01:02:20,800 --> 01:02:23,039 - I can talk. - Hey, Caesar. 898 01:02:24,716 --> 01:02:27,717 Steve? 899 01:02:27,873 --> 01:02:29,556 Dan's got a mad demon in his house. 900 01:02:30,311 --> 01:02:33,437 Matt Damon's in his house? No, a mad demon. 901 01:02:33,588 --> 01:02:37,668 I love Matt Damon. Jason Bourne. 902 01:02:37,823 --> 01:02:39,028 Oy. 903 01:02:41,699 --> 01:02:44,825 I should have known not to bring a wild animal into the house. 904 01:02:45,016 --> 01:02:46,618 I'm... I'm so sorry. 905 01:02:46,774 --> 01:02:48,774 But I believed in Caesar. I thought he was different. 906 01:02:48,972 --> 01:02:50,097 There's something more to this. 907 01:02:50,251 --> 01:02:53,615 I can feel it. No, he just... went crazy. 908 01:02:53,807 --> 01:02:57,126 Forget it. But I still think Mama could be in this house. 909 01:02:57,284 --> 01:02:59,046 But don't you... We just had a whole night go on 910 01:02:59,202 --> 01:03:02,964 without a single sign of anything. I guess. 911 01:03:03,957 --> 01:03:05,878 I was just so scared last night for the kids. 912 01:03:06,035 --> 01:03:07,524 You're coming around. 913 01:03:09,072 --> 01:03:12,516 Am I getting attached to them? 914 01:03:53,707 --> 01:03:55,470 It's the cliff from the dream. 915 01:03:56,145 --> 01:03:58,952 Get in the car now. Don't make me yell! 916 01:03:59,102 --> 01:04:01,705 Unto thee, Satan, I sacrifice these children. 917 01:04:01,859 --> 01:04:04,303 Return home to the cliff of... Holy shit! 918 01:04:06,175 --> 01:04:08,778 Home is at the cliff. Oh, my God. Girls! 919 01:04:09,651 --> 01:04:13,175 Kathy. It's OK. I saw the cliff. I know what "home" means. 920 01:04:24,397 --> 01:04:26,124 Whoa! 921 01:04:28,113 --> 01:04:29,556 Come on, girls. Let's go get Aidan. 922 01:04:29,711 --> 01:04:31,552 That's cool. 923 01:04:31,709 --> 01:04:34,074 Lily! Come on. 924 01:04:35,945 --> 01:04:37,832 Aidan! Are you OK? 925 01:04:46,774 --> 01:04:48,501 Uncle Dan! Uncle Dan! 926 01:04:48,652 --> 01:04:50,141 Mama! Mama! Mama! 927 01:04:50,291 --> 01:04:51,416 She's here! 928 01:04:51,569 --> 01:04:54,490 Whoa. Girls, girls, girls. One at a time. Lily, you first. 929 01:04:57,763 --> 01:04:59,048 Got it. Now Kathy. 930 01:04:59,202 --> 01:05:01,645 Mama! Mama! She's here! She's gonna kill us! 931 01:05:01,799 --> 01:05:04,198 How many times do I have to tell everyone there's no such thing as... 932 01:05:30,131 --> 01:05:31,336 Ow! 933 01:05:51,030 --> 01:05:52,632 Maria? What are you doing here? 934 01:05:52,788 --> 01:05:55,629 I was angry you fire me, so I bake you this. 935 01:05:56,984 --> 01:06:00,064 A shit pie? 936 01:06:00,261 --> 01:06:03,341 Uh, thanks, but... Hot dog? 937 01:06:05,096 --> 01:06:08,222 No, that's still shit with mustard. 938 01:06:08,373 --> 01:06:12,612 Maybe just a banana, then? Very much potassium. 939 01:06:12,808 --> 01:06:15,332 So bueno, Mr. Dan. 940 01:06:15,485 --> 01:06:17,770 No, I... I'm sorry. I should have listened to you... 941 01:06:17,923 --> 01:06:22,322 Mr. Dan, we have our problems, but I always love you. 942 01:06:22,478 --> 01:06:23,922 So much. 943 01:06:29,471 --> 01:06:32,234 When I see you, I see my father. 944 01:06:34,746 --> 01:06:36,110 Dan. Dan, we have to... 945 01:06:37,224 --> 01:06:40,270 Wait. What's going on here? I can explain. 946 01:06:41,140 --> 01:06:43,220 There's no time. Mama has the girls. I know where she took them. 947 01:06:44,416 --> 01:06:46,144 Got to go. 948 01:06:46,295 --> 01:06:47,783 You remind me of my father. 949 01:06:47,973 --> 01:06:49,700 Dan! 950 01:06:52,608 --> 01:06:54,495 Knowing the girls were in danger, 951 01:06:54,646 --> 01:06:57,886 Dan and Jody sped off, racing to get to the cliff they... 952 01:06:58,043 --> 01:07:00,248 Oh, my God. What happened to the car? 953 01:07:00,400 --> 01:07:01,844 Where...? Oh, there it is. 954 01:07:01,999 --> 01:07:06,284 They were no longer able to sit idly by and let a ghost jump off a cliff, 955 01:07:06,474 --> 01:07:08,043 - sacrificing their children with her. - Kathy! Lily! 956 01:07:08,193 --> 01:07:10,875 Oh, my God. There they are. Kathy, Lily, stop! 957 01:07:13,707 --> 01:07:15,833 What do we do now? Um, I'll just... 958 01:07:15,985 --> 01:07:17,633 ...read from this and change her back to human. 959 01:07:26,534 --> 01:07:28,978 Girls, run! Run! No. 960 01:07:29,132 --> 01:07:30,700 No, not that way. Away from the cliff! 961 01:07:33,168 --> 01:07:34,372 I'm not going to let Mama take you away again. 962 01:07:34,526 --> 01:07:36,765 Hm? 963 01:07:40,960 --> 01:07:44,847 Lily, stop! Come on. Come on. Here, girl. Come on, Lily. 964 01:07:46,195 --> 01:07:49,877 Come on. Look. Oh, look. Yeah. 965 01:07:55,425 --> 01:07:59,188 Come on. Look. Oh, yeah. Lily. 966 01:07:59,341 --> 01:08:02,229 Oh, wow. Yeah. 967 01:08:03,417 --> 01:08:04,656 Oh, come on. 968 01:08:05,695 --> 01:08:08,502 Enough! This is crazy. 969 01:08:08,652 --> 01:08:11,256 Lily's not a dog. 970 01:08:11,409 --> 01:08:13,887 She's a beautiful little girl who I've grown to love. 971 01:08:14,047 --> 01:08:17,490 I love all these children, Mama, even if they don't all love me. 972 01:08:17,683 --> 01:08:21,889 Lily loves you, too, Jody. 973 01:08:22,039 --> 01:08:23,607 And they belong in this world with me and Dan. 974 01:08:23,757 --> 01:08:26,360 Because they deserve parents who aren't decomposing. 975 01:08:27,393 --> 01:08:28,917 Good girl. 976 01:08:29,072 --> 01:08:32,198 All right, enough. 977 01:08:33,307 --> 01:08:35,307 Where's the page? Damn it, I can't find it. 978 01:08:35,465 --> 01:08:36,909 Forget it. 979 01:08:37,064 --> 01:08:39,064 There, that worked. Maybe not. 980 01:08:58,163 --> 01:09:00,640 Man, we need to stop smoking this shit. 981 01:09:04,716 --> 01:09:06,921 Told you that shark was going to come in handy. 982 01:09:07,074 --> 01:09:09,312 Thank you. Lily. 983 01:09:10,191 --> 01:09:12,191 Honey, thank God you're all right. 984 01:09:24,856 --> 01:09:27,697 Your cue is coming up. Oh, Kendra. 985 01:09:30,450 --> 01:09:32,689 Look, it's OK, girl. Let's forget about what happened. 986 01:09:32,888 --> 01:09:37,048 You are the Black Swan. No. It's you. 987 01:09:37,203 --> 01:09:41,125 Throwing Mama off the cliff has really made me reevaluate my priorities. 988 01:09:41,279 --> 01:09:44,405 My family comes first. You dance the Black Swan. 989 01:09:45,635 --> 01:09:48,113 Because sometimes in life... OK. 990 01:09:49,791 --> 01:09:54,474 Introducing our new Swan Queen, Miss Kendra Brooks. 991 01:10:16,204 --> 01:10:19,444 This is not ballet. No, it the hell ain't. 992 01:10:21,319 --> 01:10:23,047 This some bullshit. 993 01:10:31,949 --> 01:10:34,790 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 994 01:10:34,946 --> 01:10:37,867 That's what I'm talking about! Right? Right? 995 01:10:38,023 --> 01:10:39,432 You know that shit, right? 996 01:10:39,581 --> 01:10:42,582 And so our story ends. 997 01:10:42,738 --> 01:10:44,898 If anything is to be learned from this, 998 01:10:45,096 --> 01:10:48,063 it's that mankind is a pathetic race 999 01:10:48,212 --> 01:10:51,577 and apes need to take over this planet. 1000 01:10:51,729 --> 01:10:55,207 Enjoy Earth while you still got it. 1001 01:11:34,963 --> 01:11:38,645 Well, we'll see how you like it once the swan consumes you! 1002 01:12:00,057 --> 01:12:03,263 I cannot hold it that long. It's, like... it's so long. 1003 01:12:37,223 --> 01:12:38,906 We're kissing. 1004 01:12:43,817 --> 01:12:45,897 ' Cut! Cut! 1005 01:12:47,613 --> 01:12:49,056 Cut! 1006 01:12:52,808 --> 01:12:53,808 We're kissing. 1007 01:13:13,067 --> 01:13:16,147 Cut! 1008 01:13:29,491 --> 01:13:31,935 - What happened? - Guy was in the shot. 1009 01:13:32,088 --> 01:13:34,612 - Ah. - Cut! 1010 01:13:34,806 --> 01:13:36,090 But was he dressed like a demon? 1011 01:13:39,201 --> 01:13:40,963 Do the second "my penis" as a question. 1012 01:13:41,119 --> 01:13:43,199 OK. And then "my other penis" is a question also? 1013 01:13:43,357 --> 01:13:44,562 Yeah. OK. 1014 01:13:44,716 --> 01:13:46,637 But remember, you're jumping to "What the hell is that?" 1015 01:13:46,794 --> 01:13:48,874 I know. I don't know why. You're jumping... Yeah. 1016 01:13:49,031 --> 01:13:50,759 There's just so many penises. 1017 01:13:50,910 --> 01:13:53,308 Welcome to Hollywood. 1018 01:13:56,344 --> 01:13:58,709 I'm ready for it. Hey. 1019 01:13:58,862 --> 01:14:00,385 I'm OK with this. 1020 01:14:00,540 --> 01:14:03,461 That's the temporary nurses' shower. 1021 01:14:03,617 --> 01:14:05,538 And we're painting it. Cut. 1022 01:14:05,695 --> 01:14:08,696 That's the... temporary nurses' shower. 1023 01:14:08,852 --> 01:14:10,500 I'm OK with this. 1024 01:14:14,566 --> 01:14:16,373 Sorry, you guys. I... 1025 01:14:19,881 --> 01:14:21,210 I'm OK with this. 1026 01:14:21,359 --> 01:14:24,803 That's the nurses' temporary locker room, 1027 01:14:24,955 --> 01:14:26,604 and we're repainting it. 1028 01:14:28,272 --> 01:14:29,557 ' Cut. 1029 01:14:36,464 --> 01:14:39,670 Ouch. Hello here! 1030 01:14:42,778 --> 01:14:43,858 B mark! 1031 01:14:44,056 --> 01:14:45,943 - And background. - Action! 1032 01:14:48,732 --> 01:14:50,539 Oh! 1033 01:14:56,004 --> 01:14:59,130 Jody! Thank God I caught you. 1034 01:15:00,080 --> 01:15:02,921 I forgot to tell you, now that you are the Swan Queen... 1035 01:15:06,873 --> 01:15:08,203 Suck my... 1036 01:15:10,790 --> 01:15:12,949 I'll save you, Snoop Dogg. 1037 01:15:13,107 --> 01:15:16,267 My name ain't Snoop Dogg in this... movie, man! 1038 01:15:21,499 --> 01:15:23,704 Well, I mean, I... Sh... 1039 01:15:33,846 --> 01:15:34,846 Stop it! 1040 01:15:35,005 --> 01:15:36,892 We're good. We're good. 1041 01:15:40,000 --> 01:15:43,206 Now prepare for a night of unparalleled passion. 1042 01:15:43,357 --> 01:15:46,039 Oh, wait, wait, Mr. Grey... The safe word is "deeper." 1043 01:15:46,194 --> 01:15:47,194 What? 1044 01:15:54,226 --> 01:15:55,386 Damn! Ow! 1045 01:15:55,545 --> 01:15:56,874 Whoa! 1046 01:16:00,979 --> 01:16:02,787 What does all this have to do with the ballet? 1047 01:16:02,937 --> 01:16:06,461 Ballet? Yes. Aren't you donating millions? 1048 01:16:06,614 --> 01:16:08,376 Millions? What...? I'm broke. 1049 01:16:08,532 --> 01:16:10,532 Every cent I have has been put into this room. 1050 01:16:15,085 --> 01:16:17,563 I don't know what I'm going to do. 1051 01:16:17,763 --> 01:16:20,286 Oh, cry me a river. 1052 01:16:20,440 --> 01:16:24,884 I'm going to need a little help. I don't have a penis. 1053 01:16:43,097 --> 01:16:44,621 It does not come off. 1054 01:16:44,775 --> 01:16:46,821 It does not come off. I'm sorry. 1055 01:16:49,970 --> 01:16:51,891 I'm getting tired of talking about this... 1056 01:16:52,048 --> 01:16:54,014 In the woods with this man. 1057 01:16:54,166 --> 01:16:57,724 ...man, we keep going in circles, talking about a... man. 1058 01:16:57,882 --> 01:16:59,212 Let's talk about a... man, 1059 01:16:59,361 --> 01:17:01,043 - or getting some... - getting some... 1060 01:17:01,199 --> 01:17:03,199 Talking about... these two dudes in the woods. 1061 01:17:03,357 --> 01:17:07,483 If we had a... here, she could wash our... off right now. 1062 01:17:07,633 --> 01:17:10,110 You understand me? That's the way I would say it. 1063 01:17:13,227 --> 01:17:14,989 Hey, babe, check out this psychic's book for a clue. 1064 01:17:15,145 --> 01:17:17,907 It really freaks me out. Come on, there's nothing to be... 1065 01:17:18,062 --> 01:17:19,824 Nuh! 1066 01:17:19,980 --> 01:17:22,709 These books are all... 1067 01:17:22,857 --> 01:17:25,426 There's nothing to be scared... 1068 01:17:30,610 --> 01:17:33,690 ...to be scared... 1069 01:17:35,005 --> 01:17:36,335 Oh, there's nothing to be scared... 1070 01:17:36,484 --> 01:17:38,291 Oh, wrong animal. 1071 01:17:39,681 --> 01:17:42,840 ...be scared... A dinosaur? 1072 01:17:47,033 --> 01:17:48,999 What does this have to do with...? 1073 01:17:53,347 --> 01:17:54,393 I know. Sorry. 1074 01:17:56,224 --> 01:17:58,270 And... action! 1075 01:17:58,422 --> 01:18:02,025 - What does this have to do with...? - Sorry. 1076 01:18:05,694 --> 01:18:09,491 You just keep cupping your boobs. OK, sorry. 1077 01:18:27,633 --> 01:18:29,633 OK, how do we know who's a witch? 1078 01:18:32,228 --> 01:18:34,388 Do they have a broom? 1079 01:18:34,546 --> 01:18:35,955 Do they have a pointy nose? 1080 01:18:42,338 --> 01:18:46,419 I'm... I'm going to pee my pants! 1081 01:18:54,126 --> 01:18:55,490 So, what, I didn't get the part? 1082 01:18:55,644 --> 01:18:57,532 Where's everybody going? 1083 01:25:06,833 --> 01:25:09,072 I just had the most bizarro dream. 1084 01:25:09,231 --> 01:25:11,435 Demons, apes, a ballet. 1085 01:25:11,588 --> 01:25:13,873 You have a very active subconscious. 1086 01:25:14,026 --> 01:25:16,264 Anyway, the idea took hold. 1087 01:25:16,423 --> 01:25:19,310 Lindsay Lohan's coming over to spend the night with you. 1088 01:25:19,460 --> 01:25:21,301 Awesome! 1089 01:25:28,411 --> 01:25:29,650 You were driving.