1 00:00:23,405 --> 00:00:26,743 On the day I was born The nurses all gathered round 2 00:00:28,913 --> 00:00:32,376 And they gazed in wide wonder At thejoy they had found 3 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:37,341 The head nurse spoke up Said "Leave this one alone" 4 00:00:38,425 --> 00:00:41,806 She could tell right away That I was bad to the bone 5 00:00:42,932 --> 00:00:44,810 Bad to the bone 6 00:00:46,436 --> 00:00:48,565 [sound of rapid gunfire] 7 00:01:17,437 --> 00:01:20,024 Bad to the bone Bad to the bone 8 00:01:24,614 --> 00:01:26,366 Let's move out! 9 00:01:27,618 --> 00:01:29,787 B-b-b-b bad B-b-b-b bad 10 00:01:32,082 --> 00:01:33,876 Bad to the bone 11 00:01:34,878 --> 00:01:38,216 When I walk the streets Kings and queens step aside 12 00:01:40,093 --> 00:01:42,972 When I meet them They all stay satisfied 13 00:01:44,057 --> 00:01:47,520 I wanna tell you this, baby Where I see I make my home 14 00:01:48,980 --> 00:01:52,401 I'm here to tell ya, honey That I'm bad to the bone 15 00:01:53,194 --> 00:01:55,280 My arm! I've been shot! 16 00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:01,205 Let me take a Iook at that 17 00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:05,878 Want me to show you a Iittle trick? Take your mind off that arm? 18 00:02:07,713 --> 00:02:10,885 Give me your hand You may feel a Iittle pressure 19 00:02:14,849 --> 00:02:16,560 [agonised cry] 20 00:02:18,353 --> 00:02:20,356 My finger! My finger! 21 00:02:21,274 --> 00:02:23,068 Works every time 22 00:02:24,236 --> 00:02:27,156 Well, I'm bad to the bone Bad to the bone 23 00:02:28,158 --> 00:02:30,328 B-b-b-b bad B-b-b-b bad 24 00:02:32,330 --> 00:02:34,750 B-b-b-b bad Bad to the bone 25 00:02:50,939 --> 00:02:54,277 You had better give up, senor You cannot kiII us aII 26 00:02:54,944 --> 00:02:57,573 Nope, but I can clean your colon out 27 00:02:58,032 --> 00:03:01,704 quicker than one of them burritos with extra guacamole sauce 28 00:03:03,414 --> 00:03:05,751 Bad to the bone B-b-b-b bad 29 00:03:08,129 --> 00:03:10,341 B-b-b-b bad B-b-b-b bad 30 00:03:24,944 --> 00:03:26,655 At ease, Payne 31 00:03:29,450 --> 00:03:31,995 Relax Do you know why you're here? 32 00:03:32,955 --> 00:03:34,624 Sir, no, sir! 33 00:03:35,166 --> 00:03:38,212 The promotion board report came out Iast week 34 00:03:39,171 --> 00:03:42,927 This is the new Lieutenant Colonel Iist Your name is not on it 35 00:03:44,762 --> 00:03:48,560 You get two chances to advance then we gotta show you the hatch 36 00:03:50,728 --> 00:03:54,109 Base Admin is cutting your discharge orders right now 37 00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:58,447 General, are you tryin' to teII me in aII this man's military 38 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,787 there's no room Ieft for a trained weapon of destruction? 39 00:04:03,663 --> 00:04:06,584 Fighting is no Ionger done on the battlefields 40 00:04:06,584 --> 00:04:09,254 Now aII the blood is shed in Congress 41 00:04:10,088 --> 00:04:12,675 Boys Iike us are becoming dinosaurs 42 00:04:15,220 --> 00:04:17,807 Gotta be somebody need some kiIIin' 43 00:04:18,808 --> 00:04:21,478 I'm sorry, Major, there's no one Ieft 44 00:04:21,813 --> 00:04:24,232 You've kiIIed 'em aII Good Iuck 45 00:04:34,325 --> 00:04:37,872 [Payne] It's been two whole weeks since I killed me a man 46 00:04:38,330 --> 00:04:41,126 and already I'm startin' to get the itch 47 00:04:42,336 --> 00:04:45,215 Problem is, I ain't got nothin' to scratch 48 00:04:47,343 --> 00:04:49,095 God, I'm hungry 49 00:04:50,848 --> 00:04:52,684 Hungry for action 50 00:04:54,019 --> 00:04:55,813 Hungry for blood 51 00:04:56,773 --> 00:04:59,193 Hell, I'm just plain ol' hungry 52 00:05:05,451 --> 00:05:07,621 [cat meows and he hisses] 53 00:05:08,789 --> 00:05:10,875 Feel I'm gettin' weaker 54 00:05:11,876 --> 00:05:14,923 while Charlie's growin' stronger in thejungle 55 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:17,802 I can't lose my edge 56 00:05:18,219 --> 00:05:21,598 I gotta keep my strength up Gotta maintain discipline 57 00:05:24,310 --> 00:05:26,605 Because the hard reality was 58 00:05:27,439 --> 00:05:29,275 I gotta get a job 59 00:05:30,568 --> 00:05:33,197 And what better place than somewhere 60 00:05:33,239 --> 00:05:36,910 that would allow me to employ my skills as a trained killer? 61 00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:40,624 Mister Payne? 62 00:05:43,378 --> 00:05:46,799 This is a dramatisation of a domestic violence dispute 63 00:05:47,633 --> 00:05:50,887 You arrive to find a woman, played by Ms Goodman 64 00:05:51,264 --> 00:05:52,598 Ma'am 65 00:05:52,765 --> 00:05:56,395 claiming to have been assaulted by her husband, Mr Shipman 66 00:05:56,980 --> 00:05:59,442 - Happy to meet you - Same here 67 00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:03,530 Your objective is to effectively neutralise the situation 68 00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:06,117 Neutralise 69 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:09,455 Begin 70 00:06:11,207 --> 00:06:12,750 He hit me! 71 00:06:13,711 --> 00:06:16,214 - You Iike to beat women? - Officer, I 72 00:06:16,214 --> 00:06:18,717 Don't never hit her again! 73 00:06:19,802 --> 00:06:21,972 - Hear me? - I can I 74 00:06:23,265 --> 00:06:25,393 [electronic door buzzer] 75 00:06:34,614 --> 00:06:37,910 Payne, what happened? You've only been out one week 76 00:06:38,243 --> 00:06:41,248 It's civilian Iife, sir I had a minor setback 77 00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:45,796 I made some caIIs and I got you an assignment 78 00:06:46,379 --> 00:06:50,385 It's not great, you understand, but it gets you back in the military 79 00:06:52,326 --> 00:06:56,665 [Payne] So after two and a haIf weeks of livin' a civilian puke's existence, 80 00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:01,546 I was back in uniform, back in the corps 81 00:07:03,382 --> 00:07:06,637 Back to the sweet smell of mustard gas and killin' 82 00:07:11,643 --> 00:07:14,313 Little did I know what awaited for me 83 00:07:15,649 --> 00:07:19,195 I've toured 11 separate engagements, from Iraq to Haiti, 84 00:07:20,656 --> 00:07:24,369 but nothin' I did would prepare me for this newest assignment 85 00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:27,665 I was told it would be my greatest challenge 86 00:07:28,667 --> 00:07:31,086 It was sure to be a living hell 87 00:07:53,366 --> 00:07:56,413 [tannoy] The Glee Club will be meeting at 330 88 00:07:58,332 --> 00:07:59,709 [bell] 89 00:08:05,133 --> 00:08:08,095 Will the teachers please report to the quad 90 00:08:09,138 --> 00:08:11,391 for the science fairjudging 91 00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:15,772 [woman] Tiger? Tiger, come back here I'm not gonna chase you 92 00:08:25,994 --> 00:08:29,791 - What you runnin' from, boy? - She's tryin' to give me a shot! 93 00:08:30,459 --> 00:08:32,544 You don't Iike needles? 94 00:08:33,463 --> 00:08:37,343 Want me to show you a Iittle trick, take your mind off that pain? 95 00:08:37,968 --> 00:08:39,971 Here, gimme your hand 96 00:08:41,641 --> 00:08:44,520 Now, you may feel a Iittle bit of pressure 97 00:08:45,145 --> 00:08:49,150 Hi, I'm Emily Walburn, the schooI counseIIor You must be Major Payne 98 00:08:51,445 --> 00:08:54,449 That's a mighty fine handshake you got there 99 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,828 You wanna wrestle? 100 00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:00,583 No, thanks I wrestle with these kids aII day 101 00:09:01,126 --> 00:09:05,256 This one's usuaIIy my big helper Come on, Tiger Nice meeting you, Major 102 00:09:06,383 --> 00:09:08,677 Nice meetin' you, miss ma'am 103 00:09:11,389 --> 00:09:13,726 Tiger! Tiger, come back here! 104 00:09:14,936 --> 00:09:17,022 I'm not gonna chase you 105 00:09:19,900 --> 00:09:21,236 Mmm 106 00:09:25,283 --> 00:09:27,369 - [knocking] - Come in 107 00:09:36,590 --> 00:09:39,218 Major Payne reportin' for duty, sir! 108 00:09:39,845 --> 00:09:41,347 [buzzing] 109 00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:44,184 What? 110 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,771 Major Payne The new commandant? 111 00:09:48,273 --> 00:09:49,775 Oh, right 112 00:09:50,275 --> 00:09:52,820 You're in charge of the green boys 113 00:09:53,655 --> 00:09:55,240 Come again? 114 00:09:55,407 --> 00:09:58,370 The green boys They wear those green things 115 00:10:00,915 --> 00:10:05,171 You know, it's funny, when they stand in front of bushes, I can't see them 116 00:10:07,383 --> 00:10:09,218 Why are you here? 117 00:10:09,885 --> 00:10:14,225 The ROTC programme I understand you've been placin' Iast eight years runnin' 118 00:10:15,811 --> 00:10:19,273 in the Virginia Military Games I am here to remedy that 119 00:10:21,902 --> 00:10:24,114 We have an ROTC programme? 120 00:10:25,573 --> 00:10:28,119 - The green boys, sir - Oh, right 121 00:10:28,994 --> 00:10:32,374 Between us, I don't care what you do with those boys, 122 00:10:33,501 --> 00:10:36,255 as Iong as you keep them out of my hair 123 00:10:36,922 --> 00:10:38,550 Is that aII? 124 00:10:40,009 --> 00:10:42,346 Would you Iike a campus tour? 125 00:10:42,513 --> 00:10:44,683 No I'd Iike to see my men 126 00:10:45,759 --> 00:10:48,513 FaII in! Move it, you idiots! Let's go! 127 00:10:49,932 --> 00:10:53,353 Come on, WiIIiams! Let's move it Get a hop on it, boy! 128 00:10:53,937 --> 00:10:55,272 Move! 129 00:10:56,982 --> 00:11:00,655 FaII in, everyone! FaII in! Let's go! Come on, people! Move! 130 00:11:01,656 --> 00:11:04,535 Hustle, hustle, hustle! Let's go Giddy-up! 131 00:11:05,912 --> 00:11:07,414 Let's go! 132 00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:15,091 Sir, the squad is formed, sir! 133 00:11:22,852 --> 00:11:24,311 Carry on 134 00:11:24,603 --> 00:11:26,523 [rhythmic clapping] 135 00:11:30,111 --> 00:11:32,865 My name is Major Benson Winifred Payne 136 00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:37,413 As of 0800 137 00:11:38,873 --> 00:11:41,251 I am replacin' Major Frankfurt 138 00:11:41,877 --> 00:11:44,088 as your commanding officer 139 00:11:44,380 --> 00:11:46,383 [half-hearted booing] 140 00:11:48,136 --> 00:11:49,888 [rapid gunfire] 141 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,603 See now, what we have here 142 00:11:54,603 --> 00:11:56,856 is a failure to communicate 143 00:12:01,738 --> 00:12:03,448 Do not attempt 144 00:12:04,742 --> 00:12:06,952 to chaIIenge my authority! 145 00:12:08,830 --> 00:12:12,001 I have eight weeks to turn you gaggle of maggots 146 00:12:12,251 --> 00:12:14,797 into a weII-disciplined cadet unit 147 00:12:15,757 --> 00:12:17,801 From this day forward, 148 00:12:18,259 --> 00:12:20,596 your sorry asses belong to me 149 00:12:21,765 --> 00:12:24,185 You wiII not eat, sleep, drink, 150 00:12:25,269 --> 00:12:28,899 blow your nose or even dig in your butts without my say-so! 151 00:12:30,777 --> 00:12:33,614 Know this KiIIin' is my business, Iadies, 152 00:12:35,367 --> 00:12:37,369 and business is good! 153 00:12:39,288 --> 00:12:40,707 Boo-hoo 154 00:12:42,167 --> 00:12:44,921 - What? - I have to go to the bathroom 155 00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:47,967 - You hold it, turd - I can't! 156 00:12:50,429 --> 00:12:54,559 I said hold it, or I'II break that off and kick it around on the ground 157 00:12:58,398 --> 00:13:00,526 Now, be advised, Iadies, 158 00:13:00,901 --> 00:13:04,072 we are going to win the Virginia Military Games! 159 00:13:05,407 --> 00:13:08,035 I said win Whiskey, Indian, November 160 00:13:09,913 --> 00:13:12,417 Get used to the sound of that word! 161 00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:15,463 - Major Payne! - What, boy? What, what, what? 162 00:13:17,507 --> 00:13:19,426 I did somethin' bad 163 00:13:24,808 --> 00:13:26,853 You nasty Iittle worm! 164 00:13:28,314 --> 00:13:31,693 Go change your Huggies, boy, and be back here pronto! 165 00:13:32,611 --> 00:13:35,615 Stop that cryin'! You'II get no pity from me! 166 00:13:35,656 --> 00:13:39,077 You think your tears'II stop Charlie from takin' his bayonet 167 00:13:39,077 --> 00:13:41,956 and stickin' it in your Iittle tiny heart? 168 00:13:44,126 --> 00:13:47,673 What the heII was that, you Iittle freckle-faced cartoon? 169 00:13:51,512 --> 00:13:53,598 Did I give you permission to sneeze? 170 00:13:53,598 --> 00:13:56,936 - No, sir - Then you hold it in, you big-eared turd, 171 00:13:57,603 --> 00:14:00,690 otherwise I'II kick your ass back to Mayberry! 172 00:14:02,819 --> 00:14:05,572 I see we have a sickly boy on our hands 173 00:14:05,823 --> 00:14:08,868 We're gonna have to boost your immune system! 174 00:14:08,952 --> 00:14:11,539 Drop down, give me 25 push-ups now! 175 00:14:13,625 --> 00:14:15,920 - Count 'em out! - One, sir 176 00:14:17,213 --> 00:14:18,674 Two, sir 177 00:14:20,467 --> 00:14:22,011 [snorting] 178 00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:23,973 Breep-breep-breep 179 00:14:23,973 --> 00:14:28,145 What are you Iaughin' at, pig-boy? Find a piece of candy in your pocket? 180 00:14:28,854 --> 00:14:31,566 - No, sir! - What's your name, tubby? 181 00:14:32,609 --> 00:14:34,611 - Heathcoat, sir! - Heathcoat 182 00:14:34,611 --> 00:14:37,365 You know, you remind me of the doughboy 183 00:14:38,117 --> 00:14:40,119 If I poke your stomach wiII it make you go ? 184 00:14:40,119 --> 00:14:41,705 [he triIIs] 185 00:14:42,122 --> 00:14:45,126 I'm gonna help you make room for Iunch, bacon-boy 186 00:14:45,126 --> 00:14:48,380 Drop down, give me 30 sit-ups right now! Let's go! 187 00:14:49,174 --> 00:14:52,011 Count 'em out! Let me see that beIIy roII 188 00:14:52,595 --> 00:14:54,472 One, tubby, tubby! 189 00:14:55,098 --> 00:14:57,602 - One, sir - Come on, pork chop! 190 00:14:57,602 --> 00:15:00,147 - Two, chubby, chubby! - Two, sir 191 00:15:01,023 --> 00:15:04,027 You's a pure genius! Who are you? Redd Foxx? 192 00:15:04,527 --> 00:15:07,490 No, better yet You Richard Pryor, ain't you? 193 00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:10,535 What's your name, girlfriend? 194 00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:13,706 Dwight WiIIiams The boys caII me D, so caII me D 195 00:15:14,041 --> 00:15:16,084 - D? - Yeah, brother? 196 00:15:17,545 --> 00:15:20,758 - Like how I handle these white boys? - Oh, yeah! 197 00:15:21,550 --> 00:15:24,554 Make you feel good to see a black man runnin' things? 198 00:15:24,554 --> 00:15:27,517 - Malcolm X - Let me teII you somethin' , D 199 00:15:27,558 --> 00:15:29,978 - Yeah, brother? - Come closer 200 00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:32,315 I am not your damn brother! 201 00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:36,571 Now drop down, give me 20 squat thrusts now! 202 00:15:40,576 --> 00:15:43,705 - One, sir - What are you Iookin' at, ass-eyes? 203 00:15:43,789 --> 00:15:46,292 - Nothing, sir! - You plottin' on me, boy? 204 00:15:46,292 --> 00:15:49,296 - No, sir! - WeII, let me teII you somethin' 205 00:15:50,298 --> 00:15:53,970 Let me teII you aII somethin' War has made me very paranoid! 206 00:15:54,929 --> 00:15:58,475 And when a man eyebaIIs me it make my Agent Orange act up 207 00:15:58,935 --> 00:16:01,647 and I get the urge to kiII Understand? 208 00:16:01,939 --> 00:16:03,440 Sir, yes, sir! 209 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,444 - Do you aII understand me? - Sir, yes, sir! 210 00:16:06,444 --> 00:16:08,948 - I can't hear you - Sir, yes, sir! 211 00:16:08,948 --> 00:16:11,618 And what is your damage, muscle-head? 212 00:16:11,952 --> 00:16:15,332 You stupid? You ignorant? Or you just plain ol' deaf? 213 00:16:15,457 --> 00:16:17,793 Yes, sir ActuaIIy, he is deaf 214 00:16:19,337 --> 00:16:20,965 Oh Thank you 215 00:16:21,841 --> 00:16:25,345 Now drop down, give me 25 more for speakin' out of Iine! 216 00:16:29,017 --> 00:16:31,937 - One, sir - I'm sorry, Mr Handicapped Man 217 00:16:33,523 --> 00:16:36,986 I didn't mean to offend you Do you speak sign Ianguage? 218 00:16:37,028 --> 00:16:39,781 Can you read Iips? Let me break it down 219 00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:42,702 If you don't answer me when I speak to you, 220 00:16:44,747 --> 00:16:48,251 I'm gonna put my foot in your ass! Is that clear, dummy? 221 00:16:49,253 --> 00:16:50,922 Sir, yes, sir 222 00:16:53,258 --> 00:16:55,178 Hold on, guys Wait! 223 00:16:57,765 --> 00:17:00,519 Wait Hey, guys! Don't start without me! 224 00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:03,648 Come on! Wait, hold on 225 00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:06,026 Coming 226 00:17:09,072 --> 00:17:11,659 HeIIo, gorgeous Welcome to my party 227 00:17:13,077 --> 00:17:16,414 You know, you're out of uniform there, Mr FonzareIIi 228 00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:20,587 WeII, I Iike this Iook better, General Admiral, whatever 229 00:17:21,505 --> 00:17:23,258 It's Major, boy 230 00:17:26,762 --> 00:17:30,267 Looks Iike we got another major on our hands here, guys! 231 00:17:31,227 --> 00:17:34,022 [aII giggling] Uh-oh! Major! Ooh, Major! 232 00:17:40,739 --> 00:17:43,159 What's your name, girlie-mouth? 233 00:17:45,371 --> 00:17:47,833 Cadet AIex Stone, sir! Yes, sir! 234 00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:50,295 Hey-ho, sir! 235 00:17:54,758 --> 00:17:57,971 I'm glad to see you got a sense of humour So do I 236 00:18:00,266 --> 00:18:02,019 Heh-heh-heh (!) 237 00:18:08,277 --> 00:18:11,323 From now on, my Iittle group of scrotum sacs, 238 00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:14,994 you wiII strive to be Iike me 239 00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:18,249 You wiII walk Iike me, talk Iike me 240 00:18:20,668 --> 00:18:23,047 and until you win those games, 241 00:18:23,172 --> 00:18:25,342 you wiII be bald Iike me! 242 00:18:28,554 --> 00:18:32,685 - Way to go this time, AIex - Dotson, take these men for 2 hours of PT! 243 00:18:33,061 --> 00:18:36,523 Yes, sir! First exercise wiII be the side straddle hop! 244 00:18:38,068 --> 00:18:40,780 Squad ready Exercise, one, two, three! 245 00:18:42,114 --> 00:18:44,409 Come on, bacon-boy! Come on! 246 00:18:48,791 --> 00:18:52,796 - [Dotson] Ready, squad! - [boy] Why don't you sit down and shut up? 247 00:18:53,296 --> 00:18:57,010 [Dotson] I'm writin' you up, buddy! That's it, no more of this! 248 00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:59,137 [boy] You're scaring me! 249 00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:05,229 HeIIo, Miss Walburn 250 00:19:06,648 --> 00:19:09,944 Major Payne, could you please help me to understand 251 00:19:10,152 --> 00:19:12,656 why you shaved the children bald? 252 00:19:13,741 --> 00:19:16,537 Oh, that's my Iittle incentive programme 253 00:19:16,745 --> 00:19:19,248 These boys have to earn their due 254 00:19:19,749 --> 00:19:22,253 Their hairdo, that is Hee-hee-hee 255 00:19:25,090 --> 00:19:28,428 Do they have to earn their bathroom privileges, too? 256 00:19:34,311 --> 00:19:36,689 What do you want, Mr Pee-body? 257 00:19:37,690 --> 00:19:41,570 He's upset about this morning Apparently he had a Iittle accident 258 00:19:43,156 --> 00:19:46,493 Apparently he pissed aII over the front of his pants 259 00:19:47,329 --> 00:19:49,915 WeII, maybe that's because he's six 260 00:19:50,666 --> 00:19:54,338 'Cause he's six? Woman, when I was six I had a fuII-time job 261 00:19:56,507 --> 00:20:00,596 WeII, I told him that you have something that you'd Iike to say to him 262 00:20:12,863 --> 00:20:15,283 You think I owe you an apology? 263 00:20:16,952 --> 00:20:21,166 Want me to take back some of those mean and hurtful Iittle things I said? 264 00:20:25,171 --> 00:20:26,382 OK 265 00:20:26,674 --> 00:20:29,177 I'm sorry you're just a Iittle turd 266 00:20:29,177 --> 00:20:32,014 that can't hold your Iiquid out in public 267 00:20:32,181 --> 00:20:36,353 Now get outta my face before I pick you up and toss you out that window! 268 00:20:43,363 --> 00:20:46,659 Major, have you ever done this kind of work before? 269 00:20:48,244 --> 00:20:50,455 Woman, under this here hat 270 00:20:51,248 --> 00:20:54,169 I've trained 20,432 combat kiIIin' machines 271 00:20:58,258 --> 00:21:00,469 WeII, that's just my point 272 00:21:00,761 --> 00:21:04,641 Now you're dealing with children, and children have speciaI needs 273 00:21:05,852 --> 00:21:08,856 Do you know what positive reinforcement means? 274 00:21:08,856 --> 00:21:12,694 Like when you take a PoW and snap his neck after you torture him 275 00:21:13,361 --> 00:21:16,908 so he don't have to go through Iife with a colostomy bag? 276 00:21:19,203 --> 00:21:20,622 Sort of 277 00:21:22,708 --> 00:21:25,045 I'd Iike to make a suggestion 278 00:21:26,212 --> 00:21:28,799 Why don't you and I become partners 279 00:21:29,467 --> 00:21:33,181 in the emotional growth and development of these Iittle ones? 280 00:21:34,974 --> 00:21:36,769 What do you say? 281 00:21:39,522 --> 00:21:42,568 Can you be my big helper and help me do that? 282 00:21:45,697 --> 00:21:47,492 [baby voice] Yes 283 00:21:48,701 --> 00:21:49,995 Good 284 00:21:56,629 --> 00:21:58,966 Why do I feel Iike a jackass? 285 00:22:00,133 --> 00:22:02,053 [children giggling] 286 00:22:02,762 --> 00:22:04,974 [boy] Look at that baldie! 287 00:22:08,770 --> 00:22:11,524 Your head's shaped Iike a bowling baII! 288 00:22:16,823 --> 00:22:20,704 Nazi, fascist pig! I know where I'II shave him! Damn Major Payne! 289 00:22:22,831 --> 00:22:25,334 Didn't want you to be my brother! 290 00:22:25,334 --> 00:22:29,007 Most of the body heat travels through the head I'II get sick 291 00:22:29,841 --> 00:22:32,052 And if I'm sick I throw up 292 00:22:32,594 --> 00:22:35,098 That damn Payne's already getting on my nerves 293 00:22:35,098 --> 00:22:38,519 Turd this, turd that Who the heII does he think he is? 294 00:22:39,020 --> 00:22:41,982 - Just shut up - You teIIin' me to shut up? 295 00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:47,406 Shut your damn mouth and stop eatin' aII that damn candy, you fat pig 296 00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:53,539 I Iook Iike Curly from The Three Stooges 297 00:22:55,208 --> 00:22:57,712 Did I say you could touch my bed? 298 00:22:58,129 --> 00:23:00,090 - No - Then get off 299 00:23:01,759 --> 00:23:03,011 Ow! 300 00:23:04,262 --> 00:23:07,725 Payne's gonna kiII us You know I have a heart condition 301 00:23:08,268 --> 00:23:11,522 I'm not sure he's familiar with my medical history 302 00:23:11,773 --> 00:23:15,819 Let's go, let's go! Come on, move it! Saddle up that horsey and ride! 303 00:23:16,988 --> 00:23:19,533 You ever hear of knocking, Dotson? 304 00:23:19,825 --> 00:23:23,830 You won't have to worry about that I have good news for you, assholes 305 00:23:23,830 --> 00:23:27,293 - Pack your bedding and your kit! Let's go! - Where to? 306 00:23:31,197 --> 00:23:34,326 HeIIo, cue baIIs! Welcome to the house of Payne 307 00:23:37,664 --> 00:23:41,420 - Gotta be kidding - A squad that Iives together wins together 308 00:23:43,171 --> 00:23:46,843 Unity, turds That is the key word in "unit", without the Y 309 00:23:50,098 --> 00:23:53,394 Tiger, Leland, you wiII reside at the ROTC buildin' 310 00:23:56,106 --> 00:23:59,360 The rest of you garbage, grab a rack and settle in 311 00:24:01,113 --> 00:24:02,823 Let's move out 312 00:24:04,117 --> 00:24:08,330 EyebaII me again, I'II snatch it out and put it in Heathcoat's cookie bag 313 00:24:09,666 --> 00:24:14,130 - It's so damp What about my aIIergies? - You know how far away the kitchen is? 314 00:24:14,172 --> 00:24:16,925 - Why can't I stay? - 'Cause I said so 315 00:24:17,594 --> 00:24:19,846 - Major Payne, sir - What? 316 00:24:22,391 --> 00:24:26,939 Sir, I think I speak for everyone when I say that this place is unacceptable, sir 317 00:24:28,399 --> 00:24:30,319 [general agreement] 318 00:24:31,988 --> 00:24:33,406 ReaIIy? 319 00:24:34,492 --> 00:24:38,413 - Love my barracks night and day - Love my barracks night and day 320 00:24:39,581 --> 00:24:44,129 - Won't complain that's where I'll stay - Won't complain that's where I'll stay 321 00:24:47,634 --> 00:24:50,346 - Good plan this time, AIex - Shut up 322 00:24:50,638 --> 00:24:53,517 AII right, my Iittle patch of Brussels sprouts, 323 00:24:53,517 --> 00:24:57,481 uproot yourselves, climb out the pool, get some rest You'II need it 324 00:24:59,776 --> 00:25:02,905 Tomorrow, Iadies, we gonna start the hard stuff 325 00:25:05,534 --> 00:25:07,285 The hard stuff? 326 00:25:07,536 --> 00:25:09,038 [thunder] 327 00:25:09,038 --> 00:25:12,584 Let's move it, you turds! You'II get no sympathy from me! 328 00:25:14,212 --> 00:25:18,217 You want sympathy, Iook in the dictionary between shit and syphilis! 329 00:25:18,717 --> 00:25:20,846 That's where you'II find my sympathy! 330 00:25:20,846 --> 00:25:24,350 This ain't no walk in the park! Move it! Hustle, hustle! 331 00:25:25,769 --> 00:25:30,109 Hey, Dumbo! You should be flying through those tubes with them big-ass ears! 332 00:25:30,776 --> 00:25:33,071 Yeah, Dumbo! FIy, baby, fly! 333 00:25:33,780 --> 00:25:37,785 WiIIiams! TeII Marlee Matlin's son if he don't get across that rope, 334 00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:42,834 - I'II hang him with it! - He'II hang you with it! 335 00:25:43,168 --> 00:25:44,712 Heathcoat! 336 00:25:45,171 --> 00:25:47,841 You get your fat body over that waII! 337 00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,929 - Take your fat, pork-chop body - You shut up 338 00:25:52,806 --> 00:25:57,103 Nobody's Ieavin' until the average for this squad is one minute 20 seconds! 339 00:25:58,397 --> 00:26:01,193 Come on, he can't do it! Leave him alone 340 00:26:02,402 --> 00:26:05,239 I can barely do it It's slippery out here 341 00:26:06,366 --> 00:26:10,246 SIippery, he say! You think Charlie care anything about slippery? 342 00:26:11,372 --> 00:26:15,712 AII he knows is slit your throat What if this was a Iife-or-death situation? 343 00:26:15,879 --> 00:26:18,591 But it's not a Iife-or-death situation 344 00:26:20,092 --> 00:26:21,595 It is now 345 00:26:22,554 --> 00:26:24,974 One Mississippi Two Mississippi 346 00:26:26,310 --> 00:26:30,023 Come on, guys! What, are you crazy? It's just a dummy grenade 347 00:26:43,750 --> 00:26:45,711 Who's the dummy now? 348 00:26:48,108 --> 00:26:51,320 - So what is it, exactly? - Concentrated thiamine 349 00:26:51,987 --> 00:26:54,991 - What the heII is that? - It's a super-Iaxative 350 00:26:54,991 --> 00:26:58,913 This here'II pack enough punch to take out an entire footbaII team 351 00:26:58,996 --> 00:27:03,211 Payne'II never get off the can He'II be makin' beef stool tiII graduation 352 00:27:06,006 --> 00:27:08,468 Payne'II never know what hit him 353 00:27:15,018 --> 00:27:16,354 KiII! 354 00:27:32,710 --> 00:27:36,089 - Major Payne, sir? - Can't you see I'm eatin', turd? 355 00:27:39,218 --> 00:27:41,472 There's a caII for you, sir 356 00:28:19,815 --> 00:28:21,984 He's coming! He's coming! 357 00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:04,250 Mm 358 00:29:05,544 --> 00:29:07,045 Mmm Mm-mm 359 00:29:15,933 --> 00:29:17,477 [a gurgle] 360 00:29:20,939 --> 00:29:22,775 [Iiquid gurgling] 361 00:29:37,086 --> 00:29:38,297 Hm 362 00:29:52,566 --> 00:29:54,318 [breaking wind] 363 00:30:02,871 --> 00:30:05,375 Damn! He nearly put you in a coma 364 00:30:05,917 --> 00:30:10,090 It can't be Iegal the way he's been treating us Let's just teII PhiIIips 365 00:30:10,423 --> 00:30:13,427 Nah, that senile old fool ain't gonna help us 366 00:30:15,430 --> 00:30:20,104 What kind of shootin' is that? Hey, dummy! What's the matter, you can't see, either? 367 00:30:20,855 --> 00:30:24,025 We gotta get rid of that son of a bitch Listen 368 00:30:25,862 --> 00:30:29,533 we're gonna have to prove that Payne did something so vile, 369 00:30:31,369 --> 00:30:33,663 so perverse, so disgusting 370 00:30:38,378 --> 00:30:41,632 that PhiIIips wiII have no choice but to fire him 371 00:30:46,389 --> 00:30:47,933 Like what? 372 00:30:52,355 --> 00:30:55,568 - Why me? - Because you have got the biggest tits 373 00:30:56,862 --> 00:30:58,906 - [Iaughter] - Sh sh 374 00:31:02,828 --> 00:31:06,249 - Why not Wuligar? - Wuligar's gotta take the pictures 375 00:31:09,670 --> 00:31:11,173 [snoring] 376 00:31:23,105 --> 00:31:25,817 It's been four hours He hasn't blinked 377 00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:30,574 I'm teIIing you, these Special Forces guys can sleep with their eyes open 378 00:31:30,866 --> 00:31:32,326 Trust me 379 00:31:34,871 --> 00:31:38,418 - What happened to the other dress? - This one's prettier 380 00:31:38,877 --> 00:31:40,379 [sniggering] 381 00:31:40,379 --> 00:31:43,049 - Shut up, Brian! - Sh! WiIIiams, go 382 00:31:49,475 --> 00:31:52,563 Man, you sure about this? He Iooks awake to me 383 00:31:54,481 --> 00:31:56,484 No, I checked on that 384 00:31:57,443 --> 00:32:00,239 Watch this Yo, turd-sniffer Maggot-face! 385 00:32:01,950 --> 00:32:04,203 See? He's dead to the world 386 00:32:04,370 --> 00:32:05,831 Let's go 387 00:32:14,259 --> 00:32:17,305 - Get in - Can't I just stand beside the bed? 388 00:32:17,763 --> 00:32:19,140 Get in 389 00:32:24,606 --> 00:32:26,025 Get in! 390 00:32:31,115 --> 00:32:34,453 - Now put your head on his shoulder - Are you crazy? 391 00:32:35,037 --> 00:32:36,413 Do it! 392 00:32:39,752 --> 00:32:41,128 CIoser 393 00:32:43,798 --> 00:32:45,176 CIoser 394 00:32:46,886 --> 00:32:49,348 Now, now put your arm around him 395 00:32:52,852 --> 00:32:54,980 Good Now hold it Hold it 396 00:32:56,775 --> 00:32:57,984 OK 397 00:33:05,787 --> 00:33:07,414 HeIIo, Betty 398 00:33:08,707 --> 00:33:10,335 [aII scream] 399 00:33:17,722 --> 00:33:21,395 - Got no worry, got no stress - Got no worry, got no stress 400 00:33:23,230 --> 00:33:27,153 - 'Cause we feel good in a dress - 'Cause we feel good in a dress 401 00:33:29,739 --> 00:33:33,244 - Major Payne's a major dis - Major Payne's a major dis 402 00:33:35,247 --> 00:33:38,918 - Makes us squat when we piss - Makes us squat when we piss 403 00:33:40,754 --> 00:33:44,426 - Got no worries, got no care - Got no worries, got no care 404 00:33:46,262 --> 00:33:49,933 [repeat] I'm just a bald-headed son of a bitch without hair 405 00:33:52,145 --> 00:33:56,066 - Used to be Samson, now I'm Ann - Used to be Samson, now I'm Ann 406 00:33:57,652 --> 00:34:02,283 - Gotta earn my right to be called a man - Gotta earn my right to be called a man 407 00:34:03,285 --> 00:34:07,582 I'II teII you, Iadies, you're the purtiest unit ever underneath my command! 408 00:34:08,584 --> 00:34:12,005 Maybe I'II have to change my name to Pimp Daddy Payne! 409 00:34:14,050 --> 00:34:16,052 [Miss Walburn] Major! 410 00:34:17,554 --> 00:34:21,684 - What are the boys doing in those dresses? - Puttin' on a fashion show 411 00:34:22,060 --> 00:34:23,938 [mocking Iaughter] 412 00:34:28,110 --> 00:34:32,282 I thought we had a Iittle talk about this kind of negative reinforcement 413 00:34:33,116 --> 00:34:35,703 Weren't you gonna be my big helper? 414 00:34:37,123 --> 00:34:39,125 Yeah, but they started it 415 00:34:39,125 --> 00:34:42,296 - WeII, I'm stopping it - Don't touch my whistle 416 00:34:42,630 --> 00:34:45,717 - I was just gonna - Don't touch the whistle 417 00:34:49,848 --> 00:34:54,437 AII right, Iadies! Take off those dresses Head to your barracks Fold 'em up neatly 418 00:34:55,147 --> 00:34:56,816 Let's move it 419 00:35:01,739 --> 00:35:03,783 Good day, Miss Walburn 420 00:35:05,744 --> 00:35:10,334 Do you really think this approach is the best way to gain the trust of these boys? 421 00:35:10,877 --> 00:35:13,881 They may not Iike me but they wiII respect me 422 00:35:13,881 --> 00:35:16,467 Let me be more direct They hate you 423 00:35:17,385 --> 00:35:20,723 Good It'II draw them close together, make 'em a team 424 00:35:22,392 --> 00:35:25,980 - That's a very cynical plan - Yeah, but it won't backfire 425 00:35:26,899 --> 00:35:30,445 Here I would Iike you to consider an alternative approach 426 00:35:32,156 --> 00:35:35,243 I want you to have this book Read it, apply it 427 00:35:38,498 --> 00:35:42,211 The ABCs of the Loving Male Role Model I don't need your book 428 00:35:44,005 --> 00:35:46,300 - Take it - I don't want it 429 00:35:47,635 --> 00:35:49,346 PIease, Major? 430 00:35:56,396 --> 00:35:57,607 OK 431 00:36:07,411 --> 00:36:09,289 [mocking Iaughter] 432 00:36:10,707 --> 00:36:12,126 Shut up 433 00:36:13,211 --> 00:36:16,967 - I got a plan to get rid of that son of a bitch - What is it? 434 00:36:17,717 --> 00:36:20,847 - It's gonna cost us How much you got? - Twenty 435 00:36:21,722 --> 00:36:24,184 - I got 25 - Put me down for 40 436 00:36:28,232 --> 00:36:31,611 - AII right, we're takin' out Payne tomorrow! - Yeah! 437 00:36:36,243 --> 00:36:38,871 "Love is the key to understanding" 438 00:36:58,022 --> 00:37:00,108 "Bee a good Iistener" 439 00:37:00,525 --> 00:37:02,987 "Bee sensitive to their needs" 440 00:37:05,240 --> 00:37:07,410 WeII, hello, Miss Walburn 441 00:37:08,244 --> 00:37:11,749 I just came by to let you know Wuligar has a slight temperature 442 00:37:11,749 --> 00:37:14,961 so you might not want to torture him this evening 443 00:37:17,256 --> 00:37:19,801 I wiII be sensitive to his needs 444 00:37:24,099 --> 00:37:26,520 Have you been reading the book? 445 00:37:27,020 --> 00:37:29,815 I might have glanced at it once or twice 446 00:37:30,483 --> 00:37:33,737 Oh, weII, that's very good! I'm very proud of you, Major 447 00:37:33,737 --> 00:37:36,241 Oh, it ain't hard bein' sensitive 448 00:37:36,950 --> 00:37:39,662 - He's back! He's back! - Who's back? 449 00:37:40,204 --> 00:37:42,582 The man who Iives in my closet 450 00:37:42,832 --> 00:37:47,172 Boy, get on outta here with that "I'm scared of the dark" crap Go on, get! 451 00:37:48,549 --> 00:37:50,051 Sensitive 452 00:37:55,058 --> 00:37:56,560 Sensitive 453 00:38:01,066 --> 00:38:04,237 HeIIo, there, feIIa You know what you're havin'? 454 00:38:05,573 --> 00:38:08,952 It's caIIed a nightmare You know what a nightmare is? 455 00:38:10,579 --> 00:38:12,707 WeII, that's aII this is 456 00:38:14,209 --> 00:38:16,211 Now, you run back to your room 457 00:38:16,211 --> 00:38:20,092 before that man jump out the closet and chop your Iittle head off 458 00:38:24,974 --> 00:38:26,475 Sensitive 459 00:38:28,145 --> 00:38:30,523 You caII that being sensitive? 460 00:38:31,357 --> 00:38:35,696 Let me give you a Iittle history on Kevin Dunne Both of his parents are dead 461 00:38:36,656 --> 00:38:38,575 Car accident, 1989 462 00:38:39,660 --> 00:38:43,665 Lived in the Chelsea orphanage tiII 1991 when the school adopted him 463 00:38:43,665 --> 00:38:45,585 I know aII about it 464 00:38:45,668 --> 00:38:49,506 Then you should also know that the Iast thing he needs right now 465 00:38:49,924 --> 00:38:53,387 is a sadistic father figure scaring the Iife out of him 466 00:38:55,223 --> 00:38:57,100 Maybe what he need 467 00:38:57,726 --> 00:39:01,649 is for you to pop your titty out his mouth and let the boy grow up 468 00:39:03,484 --> 00:39:05,779 Excuse me? What did you say? 469 00:39:06,781 --> 00:39:08,574 I didn't stutter 470 00:39:09,283 --> 00:39:11,954 I said "Pop your titty out his mouth 471 00:39:14,791 --> 00:39:16,877 and stop babyin' him!" 472 00:39:17,419 --> 00:39:20,382 I don't caII it babying, I caII it nurturing 473 00:39:21,717 --> 00:39:23,804 And I caII it neutering 474 00:39:24,721 --> 00:39:28,142 And I caII you an insecure, overbearing, psychopathic, 475 00:39:28,851 --> 00:39:32,107 dictatorial, egomaniacal, frigid, Iunatic asshole! 476 00:39:34,694 --> 00:39:36,404 I ain't frigid 477 00:39:37,656 --> 00:39:39,491 He's stiII there! 478 00:39:41,995 --> 00:39:44,123 You wanna see nurturin'? 479 00:39:57,016 --> 00:39:58,726 He's in there? 480 00:40:05,861 --> 00:40:09,282 - If he's stiII there, he ain't happy - What was that? 481 00:40:09,282 --> 00:40:13,120 Major Payne just terminated that bad man with extreme prejudice! 482 00:40:15,498 --> 00:40:18,419 And if he's stiII in there, he ain't happy! 483 00:40:21,882 --> 00:40:25,804 You run on back to bed That bad man ain't gonna bother you no more 484 00:40:27,348 --> 00:40:29,142 Thank you, Major 485 00:40:30,436 --> 00:40:31,979 I Iove you 486 00:40:40,824 --> 00:40:44,120 - What's your angle? You plottin' on me? - No, sir! 487 00:40:44,872 --> 00:40:48,585 - I can snap your neck in 20 places! - Major, Major! It's OK! 488 00:40:50,088 --> 00:40:53,008 He's just trying to show you some affection 489 00:40:55,929 --> 00:40:57,681 I don't Iike it 490 00:40:58,432 --> 00:41:00,476 Make me feel aII funny 491 00:41:13,119 --> 00:41:16,206 - Good night, Miss Walburn - Good night, Major 492 00:41:29,578 --> 00:41:32,290 - Where is he? - He'd better get here 493 00:41:33,583 --> 00:41:34,918 AIex! 494 00:41:36,587 --> 00:41:37,964 [horn] 495 00:41:42,511 --> 00:41:45,348 - Did you do it? - How much did it cost? 496 00:41:45,515 --> 00:41:47,351 I did it I did it 497 00:41:48,019 --> 00:41:49,855 Squad! Attention! 498 00:41:54,570 --> 00:41:57,073 Let's go, maggots FoIIow my Iead! 499 00:41:57,657 --> 00:42:01,829 - Payne's not here, he's in our ass - Payne's not here, he's in our ass 500 00:42:02,246 --> 00:42:06,419 - Butt's so tight he can't pass gas - Butt's so tight he can't pass gas 501 00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:08,839 - Sound off - One, two 502 00:42:08,839 --> 00:42:10,842 - Sound off - Three, four 503 00:42:10,842 --> 00:42:12,677 Break it on down 504 00:42:13,596 --> 00:42:16,224 Break it on down, break it on down 505 00:42:26,196 --> 00:42:28,282 You Iike to rhyme, boy? 506 00:42:29,617 --> 00:42:32,079 What's your name? Bushwick BiII? 507 00:42:32,538 --> 00:42:35,291 No, let me guess You Snoop Diggety Dogg 508 00:42:36,585 --> 00:42:39,381 Turds! Front-Ieanin' rest position Move! 509 00:42:40,090 --> 00:42:43,219 I'm gonna teach you how I rhyme military style! 510 00:42:45,931 --> 00:42:47,225 One! 511 00:42:47,934 --> 00:42:49,895 Don't you feel dumb? 512 00:42:50,437 --> 00:42:52,231 Two! Look at you 513 00:42:54,943 --> 00:42:58,532 Three Don't you ever make no jokes about me behind my back 514 00:42:59,950 --> 00:43:02,579 otherwise I stomp you in the ground! 515 00:43:22,022 --> 00:43:23,858 AII right, Iadies 516 00:43:25,776 --> 00:43:28,280 Hey, Dunne You missed aII the fun 517 00:43:29,782 --> 00:43:31,744 That's another rhyme 518 00:43:32,786 --> 00:43:36,958 AII right, we're headin' out to the field for two hours of weapons driII 519 00:43:38,252 --> 00:43:39,795 Yo, Payne! 520 00:43:45,220 --> 00:43:46,764 You Payne? 521 00:43:47,348 --> 00:43:49,684 I got somethin' to say to you 522 00:43:51,312 --> 00:43:52,980 Fee-fi-fo-fum 523 00:43:53,314 --> 00:43:55,651 What beanstalk you faII from? 524 00:44:09,711 --> 00:44:12,924 I heard you've been givin' these boys a hard time 525 00:44:13,299 --> 00:44:17,138 In fact, I heard you couldn't cut it in the real man's military! 526 00:44:37,124 --> 00:44:39,544 You thinkin' about Ieaving yet? 527 00:44:41,797 --> 00:44:44,509 ActuaIIy, I think the party just begun 528 00:44:50,309 --> 00:44:55,064 What I'm gonna do is take this right foot and put it across the Ieft side of your face 529 00:44:55,816 --> 00:44:58,570 Don't give me that BiIIy Jack buIIshit! 530 00:45:07,832 --> 00:45:10,794 You said you were gonna hit me in the face! 531 00:45:11,837 --> 00:45:14,132 What, you caIIin' me a Iiar? 532 00:45:22,810 --> 00:45:24,438 Oh, children 533 00:45:25,815 --> 00:45:29,070 Somebody's gonna answer for this blood from my Iip 534 00:45:31,364 --> 00:45:32,991 I want names 535 00:45:33,867 --> 00:45:36,246 I wanna know who's responsible 536 00:45:38,874 --> 00:45:40,877 Don't aII run at once 537 00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,174 I guess nobody's responsible 538 00:45:45,884 --> 00:45:48,429 Guess I just had that one a-comin' 539 00:45:50,390 --> 00:45:53,060 WeII, you know what y'aII got comin'? 540 00:45:54,396 --> 00:45:57,400 Seven 23-hour days fuII of fun and adventure 541 00:46:00,946 --> 00:46:03,366 I'm gonna make you boys strong! 542 00:46:05,327 --> 00:46:06,579 Sir 543 00:46:07,956 --> 00:46:09,499 Yes, turd? 544 00:46:10,459 --> 00:46:14,464 - It was me, sir I hired him - WeII, that's one death warrant signed 545 00:46:16,718 --> 00:46:20,306 Do I have any more volunteers? What about you, brown-nose? 546 00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:27,608 I acted alone, sir The rest of the squad was unaware of my activities 547 00:46:31,696 --> 00:46:34,533 That's a pretty bold move there, Mr Stone 548 00:46:36,703 --> 00:46:39,457 What do you think I oughta do with you? 549 00:46:39,707 --> 00:46:42,377 - I don't know, sir - You don't know 550 00:46:46,633 --> 00:46:49,471 I guess you should probably expel me, sir 551 00:46:50,138 --> 00:46:52,642 What, and send you on a vacation? 552 00:46:54,143 --> 00:46:56,396 - Dotson! - Sir, yes, sir! 553 00:46:56,855 --> 00:46:59,400 You are no Ionger the squad Ieader 554 00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:02,821 Stone You are now cadet sergeant 555 00:47:05,492 --> 00:47:08,496 If these men win the Virginia Military Games, 556 00:47:08,496 --> 00:47:11,625 it'II be because you have Ied them to a victory 557 00:47:13,002 --> 00:47:16,048 If they Iose, it'II be because you failed them 558 00:47:20,763 --> 00:47:24,351 - I don't accept that responsibility - It's not negotiable 559 00:47:30,567 --> 00:47:34,448 If I'm the new squad Ieader, my first order is to screw you, sir! 560 00:47:35,574 --> 00:47:37,661 What'd you say to me, turd? 561 00:47:37,661 --> 00:47:40,957 Why don't you go back to heII, where you came from? 562 00:47:42,333 --> 00:47:45,087 Boy, I am two seconds from bein' on you 563 00:47:45,839 --> 00:47:49,135 Iike white on rice on a paper plate in a snowstorm! 564 00:47:50,052 --> 00:47:52,556 I wiII put my foot so far up your ass 565 00:47:52,556 --> 00:47:55,560 the water on my knee wiII quench your thirst 566 00:47:56,060 --> 00:47:57,438 Try it 567 00:48:03,863 --> 00:48:06,491 - You want me gone, boy? - Yes, sir 568 00:48:08,369 --> 00:48:11,206 I said, "Do you want me gone, soldier?" 569 00:48:11,457 --> 00:48:12,958 Yes, sir! 570 00:48:13,460 --> 00:48:17,006 Then you meet me outside the ROTC buildin' at 2100 hours 571 00:48:19,009 --> 00:48:22,138 You Iadies want me gone, you'II get your chance 572 00:48:46,838 --> 00:48:50,718 Where is the first-place trophy from the Virginia Military Games? 573 00:48:51,844 --> 00:48:53,973 WeIIington Academy, sir! 574 00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:57,477 I want that trophy 575 00:48:58,604 --> 00:49:02,401 If you turds can bring me that trophy, I wiII resign my command 576 00:49:05,113 --> 00:49:07,449 This is a black op, gentlemen 577 00:49:07,616 --> 00:49:10,787 If you are discovered, I wiII deny aII knowledge 578 00:49:12,999 --> 00:49:15,210 and you wiII pay the price 579 00:49:17,004 --> 00:49:18,756 That is my deaI 580 00:49:20,509 --> 00:49:22,344 Do you accept it? 581 00:49:26,684 --> 00:49:28,353 Sir, yes, sir 582 00:49:31,064 --> 00:49:33,151 Then bring me my trophy 583 00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:54,180 AII right, this is our big chance to get rid of Payne 584 00:49:54,347 --> 00:49:58,268 Two miles to WeIIington Let's get it outta there as fast as we can 585 00:49:59,145 --> 00:50:01,689 Let's hustle, move it! Go! Go, go! 586 00:50:02,816 --> 00:50:07,197 - This is your Iast chance, Dotson - You think I'd help you make me Iook bad? 587 00:50:07,615 --> 00:50:12,079 Anyway, I've caIIed my dad I'm Ieavin' this stupid school Bye, have a good time 588 00:50:16,251 --> 00:50:18,797 - Where you goin'? - The black op 589 00:50:19,381 --> 00:50:23,761 You can't come, you're too Iittle Why don't you stay here and guard the base? 590 00:50:36,404 --> 00:50:38,115 [Tiger crying] 591 00:50:46,816 --> 00:50:49,278 What's the matter with you, boy? 592 00:50:49,361 --> 00:50:52,991 They won't let me go on no black op They say I'm too Iittle 593 00:50:53,366 --> 00:50:56,620 No one lets you do anything when you're too Iittle 594 00:50:56,871 --> 00:50:58,457 Ah, phooly! 595 00:50:59,040 --> 00:51:03,213 What about aII those stories about the Iittle people that do big things? 596 00:51:03,547 --> 00:51:06,843 Like Little Red Riding Hood, them three Iittle pigs 597 00:51:07,385 --> 00:51:09,889 Spike Lee, or them Little Rascals 598 00:51:10,890 --> 00:51:14,520 You ever hear the story about the Little Engine That Could? 599 00:51:17,608 --> 00:51:19,819 Let me teII you that story 600 00:51:24,533 --> 00:51:27,454 Once upon a time, deep, deep in the jungle, 601 00:51:29,540 --> 00:51:32,169 there was a Little Engine That Could 602 00:51:32,544 --> 00:51:35,590 He was chuggin' his way across the enemy Iine 603 00:51:36,049 --> 00:51:38,093 [makes chugging sound] 604 00:51:38,552 --> 00:51:40,055 Toot-toot! 605 00:51:40,055 --> 00:51:43,392 This Iittle engine's mission was to take some AK-47s 606 00:51:45,103 --> 00:51:48,817 and a nuclear payload over the mountain to the 2063 Battalion 607 00:51:50,611 --> 00:51:53,615 Needless to say, there was plenty opposition 608 00:51:56,285 --> 00:51:58,788 Did that stop the Little Engine That Could? 609 00:51:58,788 --> 00:52:01,668 No, siree, Bob He just kept chuggin' along 610 00:52:02,919 --> 00:52:05,172 [makes train engine sounds] 611 00:52:05,923 --> 00:52:07,467 Toot-toot! 612 00:52:08,343 --> 00:52:10,847 Not even when they climbed aboard the train 613 00:52:10,847 --> 00:52:13,350 and popped out the eyes of the conductor, 614 00:52:13,350 --> 00:52:16,646 and blood and snot was drippin' out his eye sockets 615 00:52:16,688 --> 00:52:19,608 Did that stop the Little Engine That Could? 616 00:52:20,192 --> 00:52:22,946 Damn skippy He just kept chuggin' along 617 00:52:24,240 --> 00:52:26,242 [train engine sounds] 618 00:52:27,244 --> 00:52:28,787 Toot-toot! 619 00:52:31,249 --> 00:52:35,045 It wasn't until Charlie rigged a bridge with plastic explosives 620 00:52:37,257 --> 00:52:41,054 just as the Little Engine was makin' his way across the trestle 621 00:52:42,264 --> 00:52:43,348 Boom! 622 00:52:43,348 --> 00:52:47,521 An explosion happened And blood and guts and spit and ass was everywhere 623 00:52:49,024 --> 00:52:52,695 And Bubba come crawlin' out the back door, both Iegs missin' 624 00:52:55,032 --> 00:52:56,992 Lula May's baby boy! 625 00:52:58,077 --> 00:53:00,664 He Iook up at me, he said, "Payne, 626 00:53:02,082 --> 00:53:04,127 I can't feel my Iegs" 627 00:53:05,587 --> 00:53:08,174 I said, "Bubba, they ain't there" 628 00:53:09,635 --> 00:53:14,308 And I Iooked down, and them Iittle bloody nubs was kickin' real fast, Iike this here 629 00:53:15,351 --> 00:53:18,855 And I said, "Bubba, it's 30 miles to the nearest town" 630 00:53:19,857 --> 00:53:24,321 "Unless you flip upside down and walk on your hands, you ain't gonna make it" 631 00:53:24,947 --> 00:53:28,118 AII of a sudden, Charlie was aII over the place! 632 00:53:28,994 --> 00:53:31,373 It was just me and my side-arm 633 00:53:31,498 --> 00:53:34,919 And I had no other alternative but to blast my way out 634 00:53:39,007 --> 00:53:41,135 [blood-curdling screams] 635 00:53:41,344 --> 00:53:45,475 "Die, pig, die! You'II never take Major Benson Winifred Payne alive!" 636 00:53:47,854 --> 00:53:50,482 "I saw what you did to my friend!" 637 00:53:50,899 --> 00:53:52,860 Major! Major! Major! 638 00:53:56,532 --> 00:53:58,450 HeIIo, Miss Walburn 639 00:53:59,035 --> 00:54:01,747 You just missed a Iittle bedtime story 640 00:54:03,249 --> 00:54:05,294 No, I didn't, actuaIIy 641 00:54:06,753 --> 00:54:09,967 In fact, I'd Iove to talk to you about that story 642 00:54:12,261 --> 00:54:14,222 Perhaps over dinner? 643 00:54:17,518 --> 00:54:18,729 OK 644 00:54:20,105 --> 00:54:22,066 OK I'II go get ready 645 00:54:22,734 --> 00:54:24,445 - Me too - OK 646 00:54:25,529 --> 00:54:26,740 OK 647 00:54:28,950 --> 00:54:30,494 Right, bye 648 00:54:33,498 --> 00:54:37,755 To be continued When I come back, I'II teII you what Bubba used as a penis 649 00:54:40,464 --> 00:54:42,425 [ Zhane: Hey, Mr DJ] 650 00:54:43,385 --> 00:54:46,890 So we could all get down Where's the party, hey, Mr Dj? 651 00:54:49,435 --> 00:54:52,147 Hey, Mr Dj, You can get this started 652 00:54:53,440 --> 00:54:56,611 Everybody's ready to party All night, all night 653 00:54:57,947 --> 00:55:01,117 All the girls are ready So we can all get to it 654 00:55:01,451 --> 00:55:04,372 So we can party till the break of dawn, oh 655 00:55:04,914 --> 00:55:08,836 Once again, it's on! Zahne, blow the horn Let the Dj know to keep playing your song 656 00:55:08,836 --> 00:55:12,341 Maybe I'll browse, snatch up the blouse Rip the foul, ho 657 00:55:12,341 --> 00:55:14,344 And get rub-a-dub style Cuz your body won't move 658 00:55:14,344 --> 00:55:17,348 If it can't feel the groove So can't boogie, have to show and prove 659 00:55:17,348 --> 00:55:19,559 Hey, now I'm feeling the vibe Rollin' with the flava 660 00:55:19,559 --> 00:55:21,395 [gobbling sounds] 661 00:55:35,497 --> 00:55:37,709 WeII, ain't you gonna eat? 662 00:55:38,543 --> 00:55:41,965 I think I'II wait a moment My stomach's a Iittle upset 663 00:55:44,050 --> 00:55:47,681 Them some mighty fine victuals Wouldn't let 'em go to waste 664 00:55:49,808 --> 00:55:52,812 You know, I think you're making some wonderful strides 665 00:55:52,812 --> 00:55:55,859 with the way you're dealing with the children 666 00:55:56,776 --> 00:56:00,823 That was almost a really good thing you tried to do for Tiger tonight 667 00:56:02,284 --> 00:56:04,412 May I make a suggestion? 668 00:56:06,999 --> 00:56:08,417 Proceed 669 00:56:10,128 --> 00:56:12,715 WeII, your story, while colourful 670 00:56:14,634 --> 00:56:16,136 bit rough 671 00:56:17,971 --> 00:56:20,058 You mean the explosion? 672 00:56:20,893 --> 00:56:23,228 Yes, and the eye-gouging part 673 00:56:25,523 --> 00:56:28,903 You need to Ioosen up Not everything can be about war 674 00:56:34,202 --> 00:56:36,622 What do you Iike to do for fun? 675 00:56:41,420 --> 00:56:44,174 I Iike to hang upside down blindfolded, 676 00:56:44,257 --> 00:56:48,471 take my gun apart and put it back together before my nose starts to bleed 677 00:56:51,768 --> 00:56:53,603 Oh, that's great! 678 00:56:55,272 --> 00:56:58,777 Is there anything you Iike that isn't to do with battle? 679 00:56:58,777 --> 00:57:00,947 - Like what? - Like golf 680 00:57:03,575 --> 00:57:05,035 Negative 681 00:57:05,912 --> 00:57:08,374 Do you Iike to go to the movies? 682 00:57:09,709 --> 00:57:11,169 Negative 683 00:57:18,012 --> 00:57:20,223 I don't suppose you dance? 684 00:57:24,228 --> 00:57:27,232 I've been known to cut a Iittle rug in my day 685 00:57:28,735 --> 00:57:31,196 [ 2 Live Crew: Pop That Coochie] 686 00:57:37,830 --> 00:57:41,961 There's only one place where we can go To see freaky girls doing shows 687 00:57:42,295 --> 00:57:43,504 Doing tricks that make us holler 688 00:57:43,504 --> 00:57:45,549 Ain't you gonna dance? 689 00:57:46,216 --> 00:57:47,594 Benson 690 00:57:48,219 --> 00:57:51,974 They'll do anything to turn us on Them girls got it goin' on! 691 00:57:53,560 --> 00:57:56,272 Benson, nobody does the robot any more 692 00:57:58,274 --> 00:58:01,571 Then I guess I gotta dig further into my repertoire 693 00:58:04,450 --> 00:58:08,080 How hard? Hard like a rock When you make that coochie pop! 694 00:58:08,830 --> 00:58:11,959 Hey, pop that Coochie Hey, pop that coochie, baby 695 00:58:11,959 --> 00:58:15,005 Pop that coochie Hey, pop that coochie, baby 696 00:58:15,757 --> 00:58:18,803 Pop that coochie Pop, pop that coochie, baby 697 00:58:19,762 --> 00:58:22,891 Pop-pop the coochie Pop, pop the coochie, baby 698 00:58:23,559 --> 00:58:26,730 Freaky girls with plenty of class Rollin' to the music and shakin' real fast 699 00:58:26,730 --> 00:58:30,568 Bend over backwards, make me shout And work that body, in and out 700 00:58:30,568 --> 00:58:34,825 Movin' their body with plenty of action Bringin' to the men more satisfaction 701 00:58:34,825 --> 00:58:38,454 Doin' what they feel to turn us out just work that body all the way out! 702 00:58:38,454 --> 00:58:42,418 Shake it! Don't break it! It took your momma nine months to make it 703 00:58:42,418 --> 00:58:45,505 Bend over and spread 'em, girl Show me those coochie pearls 704 00:58:45,505 --> 00:58:49,094 Bend that butt and don't you quit Then blow me a freaky kiss 705 00:58:49,094 --> 00:58:51,597 Girl, you know you look so cute 706 00:59:13,500 --> 00:59:17,757 WiIIiams, you take these guys and fan out the Ieft flank of the school Go! 707 00:59:19,008 --> 00:59:22,472 Wuligar, you take these two and cover the right Got it? 708 00:59:22,513 --> 00:59:24,265 Got it Come on! 709 01:00:27,143 --> 01:00:28,686 [man] Ahem 710 01:00:32,608 --> 01:00:34,152 Don't move 711 01:00:41,704 --> 01:00:43,290 [boys yeII] 712 01:00:53,970 --> 01:00:55,890 Madison is a Ioser! 713 01:01:05,152 --> 01:01:06,988 Man, get in there 714 01:01:20,098 --> 01:01:23,144 AII right? And then his chest cavity exploded 715 01:01:23,602 --> 01:01:25,272 Boom! Hee-hee 716 01:01:26,606 --> 01:01:31,029 You know, that was the first time I ever drove a man's nose up into his brain, 717 01:01:32,114 --> 01:01:35,577 causin' instant death and simultaneous bowel evacuation 718 01:01:37,121 --> 01:01:40,167 But enough about me, woman What's your story? 719 01:01:41,084 --> 01:01:44,590 I'm surprised you ain't dropped about 12 puppies by now 720 01:01:45,090 --> 01:01:47,427 Ain't you never been married? 721 01:01:48,094 --> 01:01:49,679 Yeah, I was 722 01:01:50,097 --> 01:01:52,976 What happened? You terminate his command? 723 01:01:53,602 --> 01:01:55,563 No ActuaIIy, he Ieft 724 01:01:57,607 --> 01:01:59,902 I wanted children, he didn't 725 01:02:01,112 --> 01:02:04,325 Any man that'd Ieave you oughta be monkey-stomped 726 01:02:04,617 --> 01:02:07,662 and have his brains mailed back to his mother 727 01:02:09,122 --> 01:02:11,209 WeII, thank you, Benson 728 01:02:14,338 --> 01:02:17,258 How about you? Was there ever a Mrs Payne? 729 01:02:18,344 --> 01:02:23,058 Negative I figured if the Marines wanted me to have a wife, they'd have issued me one 730 01:02:29,108 --> 01:02:32,196 WeII, I had a really nice time tonight, Benson 731 01:02:34,658 --> 01:02:38,246 Heck, bein' with you is almost better than cleanin' my gun 732 01:02:41,959 --> 01:02:44,921 - I got somethin' for you - Oh, what is it? 733 01:02:45,965 --> 01:02:47,633 It's a bullet 734 01:02:49,553 --> 01:02:51,597 It's somethin' speciaI 735 01:02:52,557 --> 01:02:54,434 It's from my heart 736 01:02:57,146 --> 01:02:59,650 ReaIIy? WeII, where'd you get it? 737 01:03:00,568 --> 01:03:04,573 From my heart Left ventricle I took it out myseIf with a field knife 738 01:03:05,575 --> 01:03:07,828 And I want you to have that 739 01:03:10,372 --> 01:03:12,208 Thank you, Benson 740 01:03:29,982 --> 01:03:31,484 Goodnight 741 01:03:35,448 --> 01:03:37,367 Goodnight, princess 742 01:03:52,597 --> 01:03:54,516 [hoIIers excitedly] 743 01:04:06,574 --> 01:04:08,159 [whistling] 744 01:04:18,090 --> 01:04:20,927 What the heII are you doin' in my office? 745 01:04:23,097 --> 01:04:25,349 It was a trap You set us up 746 01:04:27,185 --> 01:04:29,856 I mighta made a Iittle anonymous caII 747 01:04:30,690 --> 01:04:34,027 You didn't think they'd just hand it to you, did ya? 748 01:04:34,194 --> 01:04:37,366 We got the crap kicked out of us because of you! 749 01:04:38,033 --> 01:04:40,620 Tonight wasn't about fair or unfair 750 01:04:41,538 --> 01:04:44,208 It was about achievin' your objective 751 01:04:46,044 --> 01:04:47,504 Did you? 752 01:04:48,046 --> 01:04:51,135 - Did you even see that trophy? - Oh, I saw it 753 01:04:53,220 --> 01:04:57,101 - And when you saw it, did you want it? - Yeah, to get rid of you 754 01:04:59,479 --> 01:05:01,565 That's not what I asked 755 01:05:02,567 --> 01:05:05,070 - Did you want it? - I wanted it 756 01:05:06,697 --> 01:05:08,658 - To own it? - Yeah 757 01:05:09,868 --> 01:05:11,245 - Deserve it? - Yeah 758 01:05:11,245 --> 01:05:13,373 - To win it? - Oh, yeah 759 01:05:13,999 --> 01:05:16,502 Then let's win it, you bruised-up turd! 760 01:05:16,502 --> 01:05:19,798 If you really want it, I'II show you how to earn it 761 01:05:24,828 --> 01:05:27,832 [tannoy] Welcome, parents, to Madison School 762 01:05:28,875 --> 01:05:33,131 For your convenience, we will be announcing activities throughout the day, 763 01:05:35,008 --> 01:05:36,719 if they happen 764 01:05:45,731 --> 01:05:48,652 Hey, Heathcoat, your parents coming today? 765 01:05:48,777 --> 01:05:50,530 Nah, course not 766 01:05:51,197 --> 01:05:54,201 - How 'bout you, WiIIiams? - What, are you kidding? 767 01:05:54,201 --> 01:05:57,957 My parents said they'd come but they say they've got aIIergies 768 01:06:00,836 --> 01:06:03,213 What the heII happened to you? 769 01:06:05,341 --> 01:06:07,344 Me? Nothing I'm great 770 01:06:09,347 --> 01:06:12,435 Look at you, though Regular Iittle soldier man 771 01:06:15,314 --> 01:06:17,232 You a hard-ass now? 772 01:06:18,318 --> 01:06:22,406 - What're you doin' here? - It's parents' day I am your Iegal guardian 773 01:06:25,745 --> 01:06:28,623 - And drunk - Don't you walk away from me 774 01:06:34,256 --> 01:06:37,510 - Gimme a Iittle salute - I'm not gonna salute you 775 01:06:38,678 --> 01:06:42,476 You salute your superiors Or don't they teach that around here? 776 01:06:43,185 --> 01:06:46,230 What superior? They kicked you out, remember? 777 01:06:47,982 --> 01:06:50,527 Don't you sass me Iike your mother 778 01:06:53,198 --> 01:06:56,411 You're mine now I own you And you wiII respect me 779 01:07:00,333 --> 01:07:02,044 Now, you salute me 780 01:07:02,044 --> 01:07:03,253 No 781 01:07:04,338 --> 01:07:07,677 You hit that boy again, I'II do more than salute you 782 01:07:08,344 --> 01:07:11,223 - This is between me and my son - Stepson 783 01:07:11,348 --> 01:07:13,893 Whoever he is, he's on my time now 784 01:07:31,166 --> 01:07:34,838 Now, I'm gonna ask you nicely, please return to your vehicle 785 01:07:38,552 --> 01:07:40,220 You go on now 786 01:08:02,709 --> 01:08:05,004 Go on back to your bunk, son 787 01:08:10,803 --> 01:08:12,598 Major Payne, sir 788 01:08:13,307 --> 01:08:14,559 Yes 789 01:08:16,061 --> 01:08:18,356 I wanna get that trophy, sir 790 01:08:19,774 --> 01:08:22,778 - Come again? - I wanna get that trophy, sir 791 01:08:24,238 --> 01:08:26,950 - What, you wanna steal it? - No, sir 792 01:08:27,284 --> 01:08:30,372 - You want to win it? - I want to earn it, sir 793 01:08:33,667 --> 01:08:36,380 The rest of you men feel the same way? 794 01:08:39,551 --> 01:08:43,181 Meet me on the parade ground, 1700 hours We got work to do 795 01:08:45,267 --> 01:08:47,103 Squad, atten-hut! 796 01:08:53,737 --> 01:08:55,280 [cheering] 797 01:08:55,989 --> 01:08:58,243 [ Aretha Franklin: Respect] 798 01:09:02,499 --> 01:09:04,961 Ooh, what you want, baby, I got 799 01:09:07,380 --> 01:09:09,883 What you need, you know I got it 800 01:09:11,928 --> 01:09:15,474 All I'm askin' is for a little respect just a little bit 801 01:09:17,102 --> 01:09:20,606 Hey, baby, just a little bit Come on, just a little bit 802 01:09:22,359 --> 01:09:24,654 Yes, sir, just a little bit 803 01:09:24,779 --> 01:09:27,658 I ain't gonna do you wrong while you gone 804 01:09:28,659 --> 01:09:31,830 I ain't gonna do you wrong 'Cause I don't wanna 805 01:09:32,790 --> 01:09:35,544 All I'm askin' is for a little respect 806 01:09:37,337 --> 01:09:40,258 just a little bit, baby, just a little bit 807 01:09:41,343 --> 01:09:43,805 All I'm askin' in return, honey 808 01:09:44,848 --> 01:09:48,102 Is to give me my proper respect When you get home 809 01:09:49,229 --> 01:09:51,398 just a, just a, just a, just a, just a 810 01:09:51,398 --> 01:09:55,196 Baby, when you get home just a little bit, just a little bit 811 01:09:57,156 --> 01:09:59,242 One two three four 812 01:10:03,582 --> 01:10:05,709 five six seven eight 813 01:10:13,637 --> 01:10:16,349 Ooh, your kisses sweeter than honey 814 01:10:18,936 --> 01:10:21,189 Forty inches breast to back 815 01:10:23,234 --> 01:10:26,446 All I want you to do for me Is give me some here 816 01:10:26,780 --> 01:10:29,700 When you get home Ree-ree-ree-ree-ree, yeah, baby 817 01:10:29,700 --> 01:10:32,454 Give me some respect when you get home 818 01:10:33,705 --> 01:10:36,209 just a little bit R-E-S-P-E-C-T 819 01:10:37,211 --> 01:10:40,173 Find out what it means to me R-E-S-P-E-C-T 820 01:10:40,841 --> 01:10:42,802 Hey, Boy, T-C-B, oh 821 01:10:44,345 --> 01:10:46,181 A little respect 822 01:10:47,391 --> 01:10:50,520 Oh, yeah, just a little bit A little respect 823 01:10:51,397 --> 01:10:53,190 [song continues] 824 01:11:01,410 --> 01:11:02,996 [inaudible] 825 01:11:08,920 --> 01:11:10,715 [shriII whistle] 826 01:11:27,446 --> 01:11:29,281 Squad! Atten-hut! 827 01:11:32,285 --> 01:11:33,954 Present arms! 828 01:11:38,836 --> 01:11:40,379 Left face! 829 01:11:44,552 --> 01:11:46,137 Right face! 830 01:11:48,140 --> 01:11:49,726 Rank, rest! 831 01:11:54,942 --> 01:11:57,236 You're stiII a shit sandwich 832 01:11:58,238 --> 01:12:00,491 You're just not a soggy one 833 01:12:01,242 --> 01:12:03,870 From now on, you are no Ionger turds 834 01:12:04,746 --> 01:12:06,999 You've graduated to maggots 835 01:12:08,752 --> 01:12:10,838 You're a family, a team 836 01:12:12,465 --> 01:12:14,426 Let's win them games 837 01:12:27,777 --> 01:12:29,613 Squad! Atten-hut! 838 01:12:31,783 --> 01:12:33,535 General on deck 839 01:12:41,796 --> 01:12:45,635 Major, I have news so good I've decided to deliver it personaIIy 840 01:12:46,803 --> 01:12:51,435 America needs you There's a situation in Bosnia that requires your special services 841 01:12:52,811 --> 01:12:57,693 As of this moment, you are reinstated in the US Marines at the rank of Lieutenant ColoneI 842 01:12:59,154 --> 01:13:01,783 - Thank you, sir! - Congratulations 843 01:13:03,159 --> 01:13:08,082 Your unit wiII be Ieaving out of Washington You wiII arrive tomorrow at 1600 for briefing 844 01:13:08,291 --> 01:13:10,294 Here are your tickets 845 01:13:12,421 --> 01:13:15,927 Uh, General, tomorrow are the military games and I was hoping 846 01:13:15,927 --> 01:13:18,931 Games? Payne, I fought to get you reinstated 847 01:13:21,935 --> 01:13:24,146 You wanted in I got you in 848 01:13:24,438 --> 01:13:27,776 You don't take this, there won't be any more chances 849 01:13:34,535 --> 01:13:37,080 Sir, the major wiII be there, sir! 850 01:13:37,790 --> 01:13:40,376 Good man I'II see you in Washington 851 01:14:02,531 --> 01:14:04,784 Hey, Major Where you goin'? 852 01:14:06,412 --> 01:14:08,832 Back to kiIIin' You wanna come? 853 01:14:10,584 --> 01:14:12,420 I didn't think so 854 01:14:13,546 --> 01:14:15,883 Go Iead your men into victory 855 01:14:16,425 --> 01:14:21,015 Great What happened to unity and family and aII that other buIIshit you taught us? 856 01:14:22,893 --> 01:14:26,522 I never said families don't break up Don't you watch Oprah? 857 01:14:49,386 --> 01:14:52,015 So it's true You're just gonna Ieave 858 01:14:57,981 --> 01:15:02,446 You know, when they're through with you, they're just gonna cut you Ioose again 859 01:15:04,199 --> 01:15:07,245 I asked to Ieave Them boys are makin' me soft 860 01:15:09,121 --> 01:15:12,877 "Them boys" need you AII that hard work, they did it for you 861 01:15:14,629 --> 01:15:17,341 - They did it for themselves - Benson 862 01:15:18,260 --> 01:15:21,305 Look, woman I toured 11 separate engagements 863 01:15:22,765 --> 01:15:26,729 I didn't do that to come back and be conquered by no woman and kids 864 01:15:27,772 --> 01:15:30,734 What'd you think I was gonna do, marry you? 865 01:15:30,776 --> 01:15:35,241 Put up a white picket fence? Adopt Tiger and become the Iovin' male role model? 866 01:15:35,783 --> 01:15:38,120 That's not me It's not Payne! 867 01:15:39,288 --> 01:15:42,709 [ Aretha Franklin: I Never Loved a Man (the way I Iove you)] 868 01:15:42,709 --> 01:15:45,045 You're no good, heartbreaker 869 01:15:47,215 --> 01:15:49,719 You're a liar and you're a cheat 870 01:15:51,012 --> 01:15:53,015 And I don't know why 871 01:15:54,517 --> 01:15:56,978 I let you do these things to me 872 01:15:59,023 --> 01:16:01,276 My friends keep telling me 873 01:16:02,945 --> 01:16:05,031 That you ain't no good 874 01:16:05,448 --> 01:16:07,868 Whoa-oh-oh but they don't know 875 01:16:10,622 --> 01:16:13,000 That I'd leave you if I could 876 01:16:15,837 --> 01:16:17,965 I guess I'm all uptight 877 01:16:19,258 --> 01:16:21,386 And I'm stuck like glue 878 01:16:22,012 --> 01:16:24,599 Cause I ain't never, I ain't never 879 01:16:26,518 --> 01:16:28,563 I ain't never, no, no 880 01:16:30,065 --> 01:16:32,068 Loved a man the way I, I love you 881 01:16:32,068 --> 01:16:34,530 I can't believe he actuaIIy Ieft 882 01:16:36,574 --> 01:16:38,785 AIex, where are you going? 883 01:16:40,621 --> 01:16:45,002 To the games You guys better start getting ready We gotta be there in an hour 884 01:16:45,753 --> 01:16:48,840 We don't have to go to the games, Payne's gone 885 01:16:49,925 --> 01:16:52,428 We don't have a chance without Payne 886 01:16:52,428 --> 01:16:56,768 Listen, Payne or no Payne, I'm gonna go out there and win that stupid trophy 887 01:16:59,230 --> 01:17:02,734 We busted our asses off out there gettin' ready for this 888 01:17:02,734 --> 01:17:06,114 I didn't go through aII that to come out empty handed 889 01:17:08,200 --> 01:17:10,996 So, how about it, guys? Are you with me? 890 01:17:12,957 --> 01:17:14,250 Sure 891 01:17:15,878 --> 01:17:19,007 - [as Payne] I can't hear you! - Sir, yes, sir! 892 01:17:20,174 --> 01:17:22,469 Just a Iittle bit Iouder now 893 01:17:22,678 --> 01:17:24,389 Sir, yes, sir! 894 01:17:24,681 --> 01:17:26,684 One more time, you maggots 895 01:17:26,684 --> 01:17:28,436 Sir, yes, sir 896 01:17:44,149 --> 01:17:46,527 [tannoy] Taggert, present arms 897 01:17:46,903 --> 01:17:49,031 Stapleton, present arms! 898 01:17:52,244 --> 01:17:54,413 Wellington, present arms! 899 01:17:59,879 --> 01:18:01,923 Madison, present arms! 900 01:18:02,883 --> 01:18:04,802 Cadets, order arms! 901 01:18:10,309 --> 01:18:12,813 Welcome, men, to WeIIington Academy 902 01:18:12,813 --> 01:18:16,276 for the 58th annuaI Junior ROTC Virginia Military Games 903 01:18:17,945 --> 01:18:20,365 This morning, you are aII equaI 904 01:18:20,448 --> 01:18:24,913 But by the end of the day today, we wiII honour the finest of you with a trophy 905 01:18:25,956 --> 01:18:28,084 The trophy of a champion 906 01:18:28,960 --> 01:18:30,921 Let the games begin! 907 01:18:31,463 --> 01:18:33,007 [cheering] 908 01:18:40,684 --> 01:18:44,898 Good shot, WiIIiams I got nothin' to say to you AII right, Fox Keep goin' 909 01:18:45,816 --> 01:18:47,109 Yes! 910 01:18:48,862 --> 01:18:50,865 Come on, guys! Maggots! 911 01:18:50,865 --> 01:18:52,199 PuII! 912 01:19:04,383 --> 01:19:05,927 Go, Tiger! 913 01:19:39,764 --> 01:19:42,017 Catch it! Oh, I gotcha now! 914 01:20:02,336 --> 01:20:04,381 [Emily's voice] Benson 915 01:20:05,925 --> 01:20:08,095 [: Donna Reed Show Theme] 916 01:20:16,773 --> 01:20:18,817 [inaudible over music] 917 01:21:27,119 --> 01:21:28,829 [train hooter] 918 01:21:43,850 --> 01:21:45,811 On your mark Get set 919 01:21:46,854 --> 01:21:48,356 [gunshot] 920 01:21:55,198 --> 01:21:57,910 One, sir Two, sir Three, sir Four, sir 921 01:22:20,941 --> 01:22:23,695 Faster, Heathcoat Over the waII Go! Go! 922 01:22:25,156 --> 01:22:27,241 Come on! You can do it! 923 01:22:30,413 --> 01:22:32,415 See you Iater, Ioser! 924 01:23:06,879 --> 01:23:08,840 He just tripped him! 925 01:23:08,923 --> 01:23:12,178 The winner of the relay race is Wellington Academy 926 01:23:15,016 --> 01:23:17,518 Second place, Madison Preparatory 927 01:23:18,520 --> 01:23:20,565 Third place, Stapleton 928 01:23:21,607 --> 01:23:23,610 Fourth place, Taggert 929 01:23:44,764 --> 01:23:46,892 AII right, knock it off! 930 01:23:52,941 --> 01:23:55,528 Hold it right there! Hey, hey, you! 931 01:23:59,493 --> 01:24:01,661 I want that man arrested! 932 01:24:06,001 --> 01:24:07,503 This is unsatisfactory! 933 01:24:07,503 --> 01:24:11,801 I demand that the Madison squad be disqualified from the final competition! 934 01:24:12,259 --> 01:24:16,391 Lieutenant, I can only disqualify the cadet who started the disturbance 935 01:24:16,766 --> 01:24:18,768 That's not enough! Look at 'em 936 01:24:18,768 --> 01:24:22,857 These animals are so pathetic, their own commander didn't even show up 937 01:24:24,687 --> 01:24:27,065 Ain't no need for name-caIIing 938 01:24:42,294 --> 01:24:46,424 What are you doing here? I was told you were on an important assignment 939 01:24:47,885 --> 01:24:52,307 WeII, what could be more important than my boys winnin' this here competition? 940 01:24:52,392 --> 01:24:56,146 I suggest we get this party started That OK with you, Colonel? 941 01:25:00,903 --> 01:25:03,907 Cadets, I'm pleased to announce the two top-rated squads 942 01:25:03,907 --> 01:25:07,912 who wiII compete for first and second place in the parade driII competition: 943 01:25:07,912 --> 01:25:10,666 WeIIington Academy and Madison Academy 944 01:25:19,094 --> 01:25:23,058 [tannoy] Wellington Academy Drill leader, Sergeant Michael Rachmill 945 01:25:28,273 --> 01:25:32,237 AII right, gentlemen, let's Iook alive here! We got trophies to win 946 01:25:33,697 --> 01:25:35,491 HeIIo, Mr DeniaI 947 01:25:36,200 --> 01:25:40,040 While you were on vacation, we've been havin' some real problems 948 01:25:40,540 --> 01:25:43,711 I don't see no problem You made it to the finals 949 01:25:44,045 --> 01:25:46,089 Yeah, no thanks to you 950 01:25:47,257 --> 01:25:50,178 So, why'd you come back? We don't need you 951 01:25:52,014 --> 01:25:55,810 - Maybe I didn't come back for you - Why'd you come back, then? 952 01:25:57,938 --> 01:26:02,153 Maybe I wanna see you win first place and ain't gonna Ieave until you do! 953 01:26:04,865 --> 01:26:07,661 So that's it? It's aII about the trophy? 954 01:26:12,458 --> 01:26:14,252 Maybe I Iike you 955 01:26:18,884 --> 01:26:20,427 Just Iike? 956 01:26:22,305 --> 01:26:24,350 Maybe I Iike you a Iot 957 01:26:27,646 --> 01:26:29,189 That's it? 958 01:26:29,941 --> 01:26:32,318 Don't push the "maybe", baby 959 01:26:33,946 --> 01:26:37,701 - Now, let's win this thing - We have nobody to Iead the driII 960 01:26:38,911 --> 01:26:40,955 - Course we do - Who? 961 01:26:42,040 --> 01:26:44,210 - Tiger - Are you crazy? 962 01:26:45,878 --> 01:26:50,218 - He know the driII Iike the back of his head - I can't do it I'm too Iittle 963 01:26:53,305 --> 01:26:57,144 [tannoy] Ladies and gentlemen, the Wellington Academy drill team 964 01:26:57,895 --> 01:27:02,192 You need me to teII you the story about the Little Engine That Could again? 965 01:27:05,071 --> 01:27:08,325 Then you get out there and you toot that horn, boy 966 01:27:10,245 --> 01:27:11,831 Toot! Toot! 967 01:27:15,335 --> 01:27:16,920 Toot! toot! 968 01:27:20,411 --> 01:27:23,582 Ladies and gentlemen, Madison Preparatory School 969 01:27:31,718 --> 01:27:34,889 Drill-team leader, Private Kevin "Tiger" Dunne 970 01:27:47,614 --> 01:27:49,117 Left-step march! 971 01:27:49,117 --> 01:27:51,287 Now here we are together 972 01:27:52,204 --> 01:27:54,207 Ready to do whatever 973 01:27:54,249 --> 01:27:57,920 We started out as boys Now we're men and we're makin' noise 974 01:27:59,089 --> 01:28:03,011 So stand back and step clear, Madison cadets are the ones to fear 975 01:28:03,594 --> 01:28:06,724 Ifyou don't believe Battle us and you wilI see 976 01:28:08,059 --> 01:28:11,314 Oh, yeah, here we come Here we come, here we come 977 01:28:12,648 --> 01:28:16,487 - Hip-hop, hip-hop, hip-hop, ho - Hip-hop, hip-hop, hip-hop, ho 978 01:28:17,196 --> 01:28:21,160 - We can get down 'cause it's in our souls - We can get down 'cause it's in our souls 979 01:28:21,160 --> 01:28:23,663 - Hit me with a one, two - One, two 980 01:28:23,663 --> 01:28:25,958 - Hit me with a three, four - Three, four 981 01:28:25,958 --> 01:28:28,587 Hit me with a one, two, three, four 982 01:28:29,046 --> 01:28:30,965 [all] One, two, three, four 983 01:28:30,965 --> 01:28:32,801 Mark time, march! 984 01:28:35,388 --> 01:28:37,057 Present arms! 985 01:28:38,601 --> 01:28:40,311 Forward march! 986 01:28:41,104 --> 01:28:43,023 Huh! Huh! Huh! huh! 987 01:28:57,376 --> 01:28:58,962 Free style! 988 01:29:07,473 --> 01:29:08,809 Arms! 989 01:29:43,605 --> 01:29:46,443 One, two, three, get down on the hip-hop 990 01:29:46,776 --> 01:29:49,530 Get down, get funky and you don't stop 991 01:29:50,615 --> 01:29:52,159 Go, Tiger 992 01:29:53,076 --> 01:29:55,413 Get down, do that, do that 993 01:29:57,791 --> 01:30:01,046 - Get down and do that, do that - Whoo! Whoo ! 994 01:30:04,383 --> 01:30:05,844 Aaaa ! 995 01:30:07,388 --> 01:30:09,432 - Salute! - [gunshot] 996 01:30:09,807 --> 01:30:12,019 Madison Preparatory School 997 01:31:03,589 --> 01:31:05,508 Company! Atten-hut! 998 01:31:10,984 --> 01:31:13,154 Sir, squad is formed, sir 999 01:31:15,783 --> 01:31:17,077 Post 1000 01:31:23,752 --> 01:31:26,547 My name is Major Benson Winifred Payne! 1001 01:31:29,760 --> 01:31:33,473 I'd Iike to be the first to welcome you to the Madison SchooI 1002 01:31:36,143 --> 01:31:39,649 What we've tried to develop here is a family environment 1003 01:31:41,651 --> 01:31:44,029 One of trust and understanding 1004 01:31:45,156 --> 01:31:49,120 I'd Iike for you to think of me not only as your commanding officer 1005 01:31:51,164 --> 01:31:53,041 but as your friend 1006 01:31:53,668 --> 01:31:55,169 [barking] 1007 01:31:55,295 --> 01:31:57,506 And what the heII is that? 1008 01:31:58,590 --> 01:32:00,093 He's mine 1009 01:32:08,146 --> 01:32:10,149 That a boy Sit Good boy 1010 01:32:22,749 --> 01:32:26,880 Yeah, weII, maybe that doesn't apply to me He's my blind seeing-eye dog 1011 01:32:30,092 --> 01:32:33,513 What in the world would anybody want with a blind dog? 1012 01:32:33,972 --> 01:32:37,435 The dog ain't blind I'm the one that's blind, you idiot 1013 01:32:39,647 --> 01:32:44,403 I see you and your friend Cujo here got a Iittle attitudinal problem needs readjustin' 1014 01:32:46,323 --> 01:32:49,535 WeII, I'II fix that up quick, fast and in a hurry 1015 01:32:49,827 --> 01:32:51,537 Hey, Corporal! 1016 01:32:53,916 --> 01:32:56,419 Go teII Mama bring my field knife 1017 01:33:03,888 --> 01:33:05,891 [dog howls and yelps] 1018 01:33:12,566 --> 01:33:14,611 Hee-hee-hee Ha-hee-hee 1019 01:33:18,241 --> 01:33:20,327 Ho-hee-hee Ha-hee-hee