1
00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:36,007
It all started
27 years ago.
2
00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:37,797
That's an orphanage.
3
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:41,534
That's me in the basket.
I guess somebody didn't want me.
4
00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:44,099
I hear they did want
the basket back, though.
5
00:00:44,177 --> 00:00:46,145
But it was fine in the orphanage.
6
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:48,339
That's me in the third row.
7
00:00:48,415 --> 00:00:50,144
I wasn't very popular.
8
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:52,810
Of course, everybody wanted to be adopted.
9
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,979
Luckily, lots of families came.
10
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,853
And everybody got to go live with a family.
11
00:00:57,924 --> 00:00:59,824
Oh, except me.
12
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,293
But I tried not to give up hope.
13
00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:04,330
Then, one day,
14
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:07,594
something magical happened,
just like out of a fairy tale.
15
00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:09,658
Do you remember the one
where the wolf huffed and puffed
16
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,431
and blew the piggies' house down?
17
00:01:11,504 --> 00:01:14,496
And he was wearing a glass slipper,
I think, and he had a pumpkin?
18
00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:16,439
Plus there was that other thing?
19
00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:18,841
Well, the same thing happened to me,
20
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,278
only vastly different.
21
00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:22,780
I changed.
22
00:01:22,849 --> 00:01:26,341
And the next thing you know,
people seemed to like me for once.
23
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:28,819
And then pictures were taken,
and suddenly I found the family
24
00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:30,480
I always wanted.
25
00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:34,456
Oh, I forgot to tell you, my name is Shelley.
26
00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:36,722
Now I live in the Playboy Mansion.
27
00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:40,960
And this is where I want to live
happily ever after.
28
00:01:57,350 --> 00:02:01,650
- Throw the ball to me, Kim.
- Oh, nice catch. Awesome throw.
29
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:05,349
- Hey, Lauren.
- Hi, Shelley!
30
00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:07,983
Hi, Hef! Hi, girls!
31
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:10,256
Hi, Shelley. Looking good.
32
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,431
- Marvin!
- Oh, hey, Shelley.
33
00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:15,866
Thank you.
34
00:02:15,935 --> 00:02:19,564
You guys have to try one of these.
Marvin makes the best margaritas.
35
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:23,302
That's 'cause they're mangoritas.
I invented them myself.
36
00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:25,708
I added my own little Marvin twist to them.
37
00:02:25,778 --> 00:02:29,077
Well, you're the best twister I know.
38
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,174
No, Shelley, you're the best twister.
39
00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:33,378
- Shelley.
- Hi!
40
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:36,684
Why are you keeping the rich,
good-looking, famous guys all to yourself?
41
00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:38,917
- You should introduce me.
- Oh, of course.
42
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:42,018
Guys, this is Cassandra.
She's only been here for a few months,
43
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:44,529
but everybody loves her,
because she's super-beautiful
44
00:02:44,597 --> 00:02:47,964
and she never throws up on anybody
when she's drunk.
45
00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:52,304
So, Shelley, are you a centerfold?
46
00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:55,568
She wishes.
47
00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:59,203
Yeah, I do. So keep all your fingers crossed.
48
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:02,544
Hopefully Hef'll give me the good news
this weekend at my birthday party.
49
00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:05,675
I've got my "turn ons" all ready
and everything.
50
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:10,382
Being a centerfold is the highest,
most prestigious honor there is.
51
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:14,458
It says,
"I'm naked in the middle of a magazine.
52
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:17,226
"Unfold me."
53
00:03:17,297 --> 00:03:20,061
I gotta tell you,
it seems you've got a pretty good life here.
54
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,158
Oh, it's paradise.
55
00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:25,398
We are just one big family. I am so happy.
56
00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:28,835
Why would I wanna live anywhere else?
57
00:04:15,855 --> 00:04:17,823
I love this one. Don't you guys?
58
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:21,690
We'll put this on the Mansion tab
and have it all sent over this afternoon.
59
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:24,924
Aren't we just the luckiest girls
in the whole world?
60
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:26,761
Yes, you are.
61
00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:29,967
Your birthday party on Friday's
gonna be so much fun!
62
00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,025
Shelley!
63
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:34,335
Oh, my God.
I bet you're gonna get Miss November.
64
00:05:42,408 --> 00:05:44,205
Good morning, Shelley.
65
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,404
Rise and shine, sweetheart.
66
00:05:48,815 --> 00:05:50,783
Good morning, Marvin.
67
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:55,151
Good morning, Pooter.
You're looking dapper.
68
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:59,214
Your blueberry French toast is ready.
69
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:00,623
Ooh-la-la.
70
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:01,921
That's French, right?
71
00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:03,757
Yeah, but more important than the food,
72
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:06,162
I actually added something
to your orange juice.
73
00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:09,565
Oh, Marvin,
thank you so much for telling me.
74
00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:11,865
Usually I don't find out until much later.
75
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:15,430
Oh, no. To add zest to the drink,
first I put in some vanilla extract,
76
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:19,535
then, of course, some egg yolks,
and then, I have a secret ingredient.
77
00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:22,172
All right, you twisted my arm,
it's chili powder.
78
00:06:22,248 --> 00:06:27,242
Yeah. It just explodes your taste buds,
so the drink just envelops your mouth.
79
00:06:27,353 --> 00:06:29,947
Oh, I love having my mouth enveloped.
80
00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:31,989
What's that?
81
00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:36,127
Is this from Hef? Is this my birthday gift?
82
00:06:36,195 --> 00:06:39,164
Oh, Pooter, is it finally happening?
Am I Miss November?
83
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,723
That's what I wished for
when I blew out my candle.
84
00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:44,326
Oh, my gosh, I just told you my wish.
Now it won't come true.
85
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,202
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to tell, it just came out.
86
00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:49,332
My teeth couldn't stop it.
87
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:52,606
I take it all back, I take it all back.
88
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:55,407
Okay, I'm ready.
89
00:06:58,785 --> 00:07:01,345
"Dear Shelley..." Oh, my gosh, that's me.
90
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,150
Wait, there's more.
91
00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:06,882
"Please move out
of the Mansion immediately."
92
00:07:11,664 --> 00:07:13,029
Move out?
93
00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:21,837
"You have two hours to collect
your belongings and leave the premises.
94
00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:25,700
"All my love, Hef."
95
00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:29,711
Hef's kicking me out?
96
00:07:30,683 --> 00:07:32,708
Why would he do that?
97
00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:35,447
This is my home. This is my family.
98
00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:40,856
I hate to say this, Shelley,
but maybe it's because of your age.
99
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:43,088
But I'm 27.
100
00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:46,290
Yeah, but that's 59 in Bunny years.
101
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:51,762
But I just turned 27 last night.
102
00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:54,500
It's almost like I'm still 26.
103
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:55,734
Or 58.
104
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,741
I've gotta talk to Hef,
maybe he'll let me stay.
105
00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:01,606
Hef!
106
00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:03,275
Hef!
107
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:04,908
Hef!
108
00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:06,643
Hef!
109
00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:10,411
Where is he?
110
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:14,927
He left for Vegas, Shelley.
I don't think he's that good with goodbyes.
111
00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:18,823
Why is this all happening?
112
00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:22,533
Where's my pink Prius?
113
00:08:23,302 --> 00:08:28,137
The Prius actually belongs to the company.
This is the car you came here with.
114
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,472
But...
115
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,040
Come on, Pooter.
116
00:08:38,117 --> 00:08:40,517
We have to go find a new place to live.
117
00:08:40,586 --> 00:08:42,053
Come on, now.
118
00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:44,146
Come here, Pooter.
119
00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:47,283
Here, let me help, Shelley. Hey, Pooter.
Shelley's calling you now.
120
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,193
Come on, Pooter.
Go with Shelley, buddy. Pooter!
121
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:53,096
That hurts! Go with Shelley, Pooter!
122
00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:56,932
Damn it!
123
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:06,606
Why don't I just keep him here
for a little while, until he calms down?
124
00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:08,203
Okay.
125
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:10,010
Well, don't worry, Pooter.
126
00:09:10,082 --> 00:09:12,949
I'm gonna find us a really nice place to live,
127
00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:15,180
and then maybe you'll wanna
come live with me.
128
00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:16,653
I'm sure he will.
129
00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:19,282
Well, you take care, Shelley.
130
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:31,962
Bye.
131
00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:44,139
I know it's an embarrassment
to live in a beat-up car,
132
00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:45,911
but don't lose faith, Pooter.
133
00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:47,509
I'm gonna get a great job soon,
134
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:51,216
and find us a super place to live,
with a new family.
135
00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:53,281
I pinkie promise, Pooter.
136
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:05,833
Good evening, ma'am.
137
00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:10,073
You violated Code 753.
That's unlawful spitting.
138
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:12,673
I was just brushing my teeth.
139
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:15,145
You currently residing in this car, ma'am?
140
00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:17,478
I'm gonna have to issue another ticket.
141
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:21,213
Would you maybe stop giving me tickets
if I told you I was having a really bad week
142
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,881
because I used to be a Playboy Bunny,
but I got kicked out of the Mansion
143
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:26,254
because I'm 59 years old?
144
00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:32,159
I'm gonna have to ask you to step out
of the car and take a Breathalyzer.
145
00:10:32,231 --> 00:10:33,323
Okay.
146
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:38,861
Noises.
147
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:41,668
I'm gonna need you to blow on this.
148
00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:42,901
Really?
149
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:46,502
I guess.
150
00:10:52,284 --> 00:10:54,047
You tried to do what?
151
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:55,382
To a cop?
152
00:10:58,157 --> 00:10:59,590
Stupid!
153
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,752
I was just doing what he said.
154
00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:03,590
He was in a uniform and everything.
155
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,496
Don't worry, sweetie.
First-timers only get one night.
156
00:11:06,565 --> 00:11:08,863
You'll be back on the street selling
in no time.
157
00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:12,461
But I'm not a prostitute.
I was just brushing my teeth.
158
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:19,240
I like your tights.
159
00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:25,409
And, you know,
you should really go for a more natural look.
160
00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:28,453
All that heavy makeup
just hides your beauty.
161
00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:30,287
I'm a dude.
162
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:33,685
Oh, well, you're good like that.
163
00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:19,994
So, did you hear
about the pool party at Jordan's?
164
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,699
It was unbelievable.
165
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:23,105
- Oh, last Saturday?
- Yes.
166
00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:26,338
- Oh, my God. He makes the best margaritas.
- Yep. It's because he uses mangos.
167
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:28,642
- No. Really?
- He read about them somewhere.
168
00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:29,772
Yeah, mangoritas.
169
00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:31,714
- Jordan's just so hot.
- I know.
170
00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:32,842
So are all his friends.
171
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:35,443
Yeah, seriously,
I've tried to hook up with all of them.
172
00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:38,149
- No, you have not.
- Yes. Yes, I did.
173
00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:40,815
Two of them, I succeeded.
174
00:12:40,893 --> 00:12:42,884
- Really?
- It was amazing.
175
00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:44,395
Who knew?
176
00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:46,522
I was so excited.
177
00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:55,963
Looks like a mini-Playboy Mansion.
178
00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:12,017
- Hi.
- Hi.
179
00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:15,918
Hi.
180
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:18,487
Can I help you?
181
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,565
Yes. I would like to live here, please.
182
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:25,536
Oh, I know, right?
But you have to be asked to live here.
183
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:28,937
- Do you go to this school?
- This is a school?
184
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:31,672
Where are the desks?
185
00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:36,242
No. This is a sorority house at a school.
186
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:39,375
And you do look like an older,
187
00:13:39,451 --> 00:13:42,352
sluttier version of the type of girl
we would want.
188
00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:46,255
But, I'm sorry, you're not a student.
It was so nice talking to you.
189
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,850
- But I really think it's...
- So nice.
190
00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:56,094
And our piano is from Tuscany.
Very high-end.
191
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:59,103
I believe that every detail of the house
192
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,901
should be a reflection
of the girls who live here.
193
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:05,239
Hi. Do you ladies go to school here, too?
194
00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:06,938
Not anymore.
195
00:14:07,646 --> 00:14:10,638
We're the housemothers
of the sororities on campus.
196
00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:12,183
That's so dope.
197
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:14,811
Do you live in the houses with the girls?
198
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:16,184
Yes.
199
00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:18,223
That's even dopier.
200
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:20,653
So, what do housemothers do?
201
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:22,284
We oversee the meal plans,
202
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:25,819
chaperone the social events,
make sure the girls stay out of trouble.
203
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:29,493
Oh, my gosh. That's exactly
what I used to do back at the Mansion.
204
00:14:29,568 --> 00:14:30,967
Can I be one, too?
205
00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:35,132
I'm sorry. This is a sorority, not a brothel.
206
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:38,040
A brothel?
Oh, I'm not looking to make soup.
207
00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:39,975
I'm looking to be like you.
208
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,070
I wanna be a housemother.
209
00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:44,345
We have standards.
210
00:14:44,416 --> 00:14:48,819
Standards that you clearly do not meet.
But it was nice to meet you.
211
00:14:49,321 --> 00:14:50,345
But I just want to...
212
00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:51,548
- So nice.
- So nice.
213
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:05,027
Try Zeta. Their last housemother was
hospitalized with hallucinations.
214
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:06,401
Awesome.
215
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:09,405
Awesome.
216
00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:25,417
Hello?
217
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:36,462
Dean Simmons. Please, please.
We are trying so hard. I promise you.
218
00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:39,197
This seems really unfair.
And I'm not gonna attack you.
219
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:42,035
I don't want you to feel attacked by all of us,
so I'm just gonna say "me."
220
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:44,803
To me, this feels really unfair.
221
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:48,335
Natalie. Look, I feel the same way you do.
222
00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:49,540
But the fact remains,
223
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:53,244
you guys have not met your requirements
for three years running now.
224
00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:56,379
And I'm under a lot of pressure
from other sororities
225
00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:58,649
complaining that we're bending
the rules for you.
226
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:02,091
By "other sororities,"
do you happen to mean Phi lota Mu?
227
00:16:02,161 --> 00:16:05,324
I really don't think
it matters who complained.
228
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:08,264
Natalie, rules are rules.
229
00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:14,662
Drama queen.
230
00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:17,367
Oh, I'm sorry I scared you.
231
00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:19,843
Do you think you could help me
out of here, though?
232
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,436
What? Yeah.
233
00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:23,405
Thanks.
234
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:25,677
I'm so sorry, I think I broke your Z.
235
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:29,551
Oh. No, it's okay.
It falls off, like, every time we open the door.
236
00:16:29,621 --> 00:16:32,283
Well, at least you still have T and A.
237
00:16:32,791 --> 00:16:34,918
T and an A. Who are you?
238
00:16:38,364 --> 00:16:41,856
My name is Shelley,
and I'm here to be your housemother.
239
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,938
Well, it's nice to meet you, Shelley.
240
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,941
But, unfortunately, he...
241
00:16:51,977 --> 00:16:53,774
It's a little too late.
242
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:57,509
We're about to lose our charter,
so if we don't have a house,
243
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,744
we won't really be needing a housemother.
244
00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:03,678
Well, why are they gonna
take your house away?
245
00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:09,987
Because we get no pledges,
and everyone kind of thinks we're losers.
246
00:17:10,462 --> 00:17:14,489
That's so sad.
Why does everyone else get all the pledges?
247
00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:17,296
Well, they have great parties, and
248
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:20,533
boys actually like them.
249
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,775
I'm an expert at parties and boys.
I'm a Bunny.
250
00:17:24,843 --> 00:17:27,311
Men write to me from prison,
sometimes in their own blood.
251
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:29,244
I mean, I assume it's theirs, who knows?
I don't.
252
00:17:29,314 --> 00:17:30,440
I'm sorry, I'm nervous right now,
253
00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:33,280
because I really wanna help you guys,
because I know I can do it.
254
00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:35,445
Wow, a Bunny?
255
00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:37,686
Like a centerfold?
256
00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:42,819
Oh, bless your heart, no.
Just a couple of small pictorials,
257
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:47,161
"Girls of the Midwest," "Girls with GEDs,"
"Girls of Charlie Sheen."
258
00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:50,297
But now I'm a homeless person.
259
00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:53,200
God, I'm so sorry.
260
00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:55,032
Good luck.
261
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:57,735
Wait, but I can really help you guys.
262
00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:01,679
So if we don't get pledges,
we lose our charter?
263
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:04,841
- We need 30.
- Thirty pledges? There's seven of us, dude.
264
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,317
Technically, 71l2 now.
265
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:08,512
Hey!
266
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,920
Oh, nothing a little fertilizer can't help.
267
00:18:13,792 --> 00:18:16,625
Not you, Tanya.
I was talking about Harmony.
268
00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:19,789
Actually, 7 3/4 as of Tuesday last week.
269
00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:22,625
Guys, we're never gonna get
that many pledges.
270
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:25,864
This is just their way of shutting us down.
271
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,406
This is awful.
272
00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:30,499
Hey, Joanne, just FYI,
273
00:18:30,576 --> 00:18:33,739
you've got refrigerator magnets
stuck to your brace again.
274
00:18:33,812 --> 00:18:35,143
Actually, we need that.
That's our grocery list.
275
00:18:35,214 --> 00:18:37,341
I knew that. I knew that.
276
00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:39,714
- No, you didn't.
- Did so.
277
00:18:40,252 --> 00:18:42,982
- Why do we need knee-highs?
- Oh, my God.
278
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:47,318
Oh, my God. There's boys on our lawn.
279
00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:51,320
Are they lost?
280
00:18:51,396 --> 00:18:52,488
Nice.
281
00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:56,565
The Leaning Panther. I like that. Yoga's hot.
282
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,699
So, are you a Zeta?
283
00:19:00,272 --> 00:19:02,240
Oh, I wish.
284
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:08,138
Yeah, I do, too, because
Zeta would be my new favorite hizzety-hang.
285
00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:11,111
Well, she is not a Zeta,
286
00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:14,817
because she's our new
hizzety-housemother.
287
00:19:15,754 --> 00:19:18,120
She'll be hizzy-tizzies...
288
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:20,385
She'll be here all the time.
289
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:22,955
You're hiring me?
290
00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:25,453
Oh, give me some of that.
291
00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:28,194
Oh, God bless her.
292
00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:31,562
- Why are they acting like that?
- Yes.
293
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:36,235
Oh, that's boys just being boys.
294
00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:38,500
Thank goodness.
295
00:19:43,982 --> 00:19:48,385
Oh, my gosh! I am just so happy
that you guys want me here.
296
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:50,444
You are not gonna be sorry.
297
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,922
So this is how we're gonna get pledges?
298
00:19:52,991 --> 00:19:57,189
Hiring an archaically superficial reflection
of the male fantasy?
299
00:19:57,262 --> 00:19:59,492
Well, guys like her.
300
00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:04,535
And since guys don't like us,
I figured she could help.
301
00:20:04,603 --> 00:20:09,631
So, in order to be in a sisterhood,
now we have to be popular?
302
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:14,338
No, no. In order to keep our house,
though, we do have to be popular. Yes.
303
00:20:14,446 --> 00:20:17,609
So, I figured Shelley here could
teach us how.
304
00:20:17,683 --> 00:20:20,709
Okay, look, don't get me wrong. I love guys.
305
00:20:20,819 --> 00:20:23,652
But I lived in a house filled with girls
for nine years,
306
00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:28,625
and I know that there's nothing better
than just being with your sisters,
307
00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:33,063
sharing, talking all night,
painting each other's bodies,
308
00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:37,323
baking penis cookies,
playing with monkeys...
309
00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:40,936
- Where'd you live?
- The Playboy Mansion.
310
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:50,773
No, that doesn't make her a hooker. Sorry.
311
00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:58,214
She's shy. She's just...
312
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:02,257
She's so shy. That's Lilly, also, by the way.
313
00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:03,487
Lilly.
314
00:21:05,063 --> 00:21:07,964
And this here is Harmony.
315
00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:09,330
Harmony.
316
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,432
And Carrie Mae.
317
00:21:14,506 --> 00:21:15,973
Carrie Mae.
318
00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:18,805
And then Joanne, over there.
319
00:21:18,877 --> 00:21:20,208
Joanne.
320
00:21:21,513 --> 00:21:24,971
Wow, you hired the Exorcist. That's great.
321
00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:26,642
What is that?
322
00:21:26,718 --> 00:21:29,186
Is that like a Yoda thing, or what?
323
00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:31,813
It's fun, but, what...
324
00:21:31,890 --> 00:21:36,350
Oh, no, no. It's just this thing I do
to remember people's names.
325
00:21:36,428 --> 00:21:37,452
Natalie.
326
00:21:37,529 --> 00:21:41,556
So, thank you guys so much
for letting me be your housemother.
327
00:21:42,401 --> 00:21:44,232
No, it's no problem.
328
00:21:46,038 --> 00:21:47,801
Because you just...
329
00:21:48,573 --> 00:21:50,370
This is just gonna be great.
330
00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:51,534
But I have to go take a shower,
331
00:21:51,610 --> 00:21:54,875
because I haven't had one since
I slept in my car and spent the night in jail.
332
00:21:54,946 --> 00:21:56,106
Sweet.
333
00:21:58,417 --> 00:22:00,749
- Hi, girls.
- Oh, my God!
334
00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:03,049
Shelley! Hi. Where's your robe?
335
00:22:03,121 --> 00:22:04,782
Oh, I just like to air dry.
336
00:22:04,856 --> 00:22:07,017
Oh, she just likes to air dry.
337
00:22:07,092 --> 00:22:09,026
My God, you're so vapid.
338
00:22:09,094 --> 00:22:10,891
Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much.
339
00:22:10,962 --> 00:22:13,863
You're like the hundredth person
who's told me that.
340
00:22:13,932 --> 00:22:18,164
Shell? Just a quick little side note,
341
00:22:18,236 --> 00:22:19,669
I don't think that some
of the girls in this house
342
00:22:19,738 --> 00:22:21,638
have even seen their own bodies naked,
343
00:22:21,707 --> 00:22:26,076
so they probably don't really want
to see your perfectly engineered boobs.
344
00:22:26,144 --> 00:22:30,843
Well, I'm just walking around
in the body God and Dr. Borkman gave me.
345
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,979
Hey, Shelley, why don't you throw
some clothes on?
346
00:22:37,055 --> 00:22:39,387
We've got a lot of work to do.
347
00:22:40,125 --> 00:22:43,253
This year, we are gonna get
lots and lots of pledges.
348
00:22:43,328 --> 00:22:44,590
Okay.
349
00:22:44,663 --> 00:22:48,064
Oh, we also need to raise money
for our philanthropy.
350
00:22:48,133 --> 00:22:50,033
What's a phila-canopee?
351
00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:53,796
Oh, no. It's a philanthropy.
352
00:22:54,506 --> 00:22:55,598
It's like a charity.
353
00:22:55,674 --> 00:22:58,302
Oh, I love charity.
354
00:22:58,377 --> 00:22:59,366
One time, at the Mansion,
355
00:22:59,444 --> 00:23:03,005
I even let Bob Saget grind on me
during a slow dance.
356
00:23:06,151 --> 00:23:08,642
And here's a list of ideas
I came up with for fundraisers
357
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,984
that might make us a little more popular.
358
00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:15,254
So, please take a read.
359
00:23:15,327 --> 00:23:17,557
"Start a beekeeping club."
360
00:23:17,629 --> 00:23:19,859
We could have the masks, even.
361
00:23:21,933 --> 00:23:24,265
"Paleolithic bake sale."
362
00:23:24,369 --> 00:23:27,805
Hi! Dinosaurs!
Like, everyone saw Jurassic Park.
363
00:23:29,441 --> 00:23:31,238
"B.Y.O.M."
364
00:23:31,309 --> 00:23:32,537
Bring your own man?
365
00:23:32,611 --> 00:23:35,136
No. Bring your own mouse!
366
00:23:36,047 --> 00:23:37,241
Which is better.
367
00:23:37,315 --> 00:23:39,806
Because they're cute and they're little
and you can hold them.
368
00:23:39,885 --> 00:23:44,549
And also, another thing that
I thought of was, you could dress them up.
369
00:23:44,623 --> 00:23:47,524
It's the whole fun part of it,
is you can put them in little outfits.
370
00:23:47,592 --> 00:23:50,026
You can make, like,
an Abraham Lincoln mouse.
371
00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:52,290
And you could do like Joan of...
372
00:23:52,364 --> 00:23:55,629
Why do everyone's eyes glaze over
when I talk about this?
373
00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:57,327
Whoa. No.
374
00:23:57,402 --> 00:24:00,929
No, they weren't glazing.
They were just taking a break.
375
00:24:01,673 --> 00:24:04,733
Natalie, these are super, super-great ideas.
376
00:24:04,810 --> 00:24:07,278
Thank you. I worked really hard.
377
00:24:07,345 --> 00:24:10,746
But we might wanna try
something a little more
378
00:24:11,249 --> 00:24:12,307
sexy.
379
00:24:13,852 --> 00:24:17,447
Car wash. Come get your car washed.
380
00:24:18,023 --> 00:24:21,151
Here we are at the Zeta House Car Wash.
381
00:24:21,226 --> 00:24:24,195
I have a car, and I'm great at washing it.
382
00:24:25,697 --> 00:24:27,790
I am so offended right now.
383
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,391
Come on, guys, let's give her a chance.
384
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,835
- Car wash.
- Car wash!
385
00:24:32,904 --> 00:24:34,997
You said you needed to raise money.
386
00:24:35,073 --> 00:24:40,340
Well, washing cars is a fun and sexy way
to make all the money that we need.
387
00:24:41,079 --> 00:24:43,809
So, car wash!
388
00:24:44,683 --> 00:24:46,082
Car wash.
389
00:24:47,085 --> 00:24:49,178
We're having a car wash.
390
00:24:49,254 --> 00:24:50,516
Car wash.
391
00:24:51,089 --> 00:24:53,819
No, I can't bend that way.
392
00:24:53,892 --> 00:24:55,792
Hey, watch this, guys.
393
00:25:01,666 --> 00:25:02,826
Hi, guys.
394
00:25:02,901 --> 00:25:04,095
Dude, that's wild.
395
00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:06,433
Oh, my God. Shelley, that's Colby.
I'm in love with him.
396
00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:10,271
Oh, that's so sweet.
How long have you guys been going out?
397
00:25:11,042 --> 00:25:14,876
No. We are not going out.
I've never even talked to him.
398
00:25:15,747 --> 00:25:17,544
And he's coming this way. What do I do?
399
00:25:17,616 --> 00:25:18,878
Do sexy.
400
00:25:20,252 --> 00:25:24,052
Wash these cars, you sexy bitches!
401
00:25:24,122 --> 00:25:26,852
They are filthy. And so are you!
402
00:25:27,659 --> 00:25:29,650
Did she just call us bitches?
403
00:25:29,728 --> 00:25:31,525
Did she just call us sexy?
404
00:25:31,596 --> 00:25:33,894
Wash! Wash! Wash!
405
00:25:33,965 --> 00:25:37,059
Wash! Wash! Wash! Wash!
406
00:25:39,771 --> 00:25:41,363
- Hey, girls.
- Hi.
407
00:25:42,207 --> 00:25:45,335
Okay, that's the first time
we've ever spoken, so... First time.
408
00:25:45,410 --> 00:25:46,502
Hi!
409
00:25:47,145 --> 00:25:51,081
We're just washing cars and being sexy.
410
00:25:51,149 --> 00:25:52,138
Mostly sexy.
411
00:25:52,217 --> 00:25:55,209
So, does anybody want a wet T-shirt?
412
00:25:56,154 --> 00:25:59,715
- Yeah.
- Or, you know, maybe some wet pants.
413
00:26:04,496 --> 00:26:07,624
Someone went accident in her sexy pants.
414
00:26:07,699 --> 00:26:11,294
So, anyway, we're having some drinks
over at Theta later.
415
00:26:11,369 --> 00:26:13,269
- Theta.
- Totally.
416
00:26:13,338 --> 00:26:15,397
You wanna come over?
417
00:26:15,473 --> 00:26:16,633
Yes.
418
00:26:17,142 --> 00:26:20,407
Well, we are a little thirsty.
419
00:26:20,478 --> 00:26:22,810
Maybe you guys are, too.
420
00:26:22,881 --> 00:26:25,975
Why don't you have a drink right now?
421
00:26:26,051 --> 00:26:28,144
I'll take a little sip.
422
00:26:32,891 --> 00:26:34,415
I am so sorry.
423
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:39,121
Thought I'd help you wash the testosterone
off your face, Colby.
424
00:26:39,197 --> 00:26:40,721
Well, cool.
425
00:26:40,799 --> 00:26:44,667
So, what time can we drop by for drinks?
426
00:26:46,071 --> 00:26:48,039
Now that you mention it,
427
00:26:48,740 --> 00:26:50,435
the guest list is looking pretty full.
428
00:26:50,508 --> 00:26:52,942
So, maybe next time, all right?
429
00:26:53,011 --> 00:26:54,569
Hey, Super-brace!
430
00:26:54,646 --> 00:26:57,444
Oil can. Oil can.
431
00:26:57,515 --> 00:27:00,882
Not cool, man. Let's go.
Come on, come on, let's go.
432
00:27:02,354 --> 00:27:04,822
Well, I think we're done here, sexy bitches.
433
00:27:04,889 --> 00:27:06,948
Thanks a lot, Mona.
434
00:27:07,025 --> 00:27:09,653
The one chance I get to talk to Colby,
and you completely ruin it.
435
00:27:09,728 --> 00:27:11,389
Yeah, because the whole
peeing-in-your-pants thing
436
00:27:11,463 --> 00:27:13,124
was really working out well for you.
437
00:27:13,198 --> 00:27:14,631
Thank you.
438
00:27:14,699 --> 00:27:18,294
My car's still dirty,
so I'll be out here if you need me.
439
00:27:21,339 --> 00:27:23,398
Do you want a car wash?
440
00:27:25,176 --> 00:27:26,473
Me?
441
00:27:26,544 --> 00:27:29,138
Oh, no. No. I have a bike.
442
00:27:29,214 --> 00:27:31,409
Besides, I gotta get back to work.
443
00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:33,849
Oh, yeah. I know all about work.
444
00:27:34,386 --> 00:27:36,786
I'm at work right now, actually.
445
00:27:36,855 --> 00:27:39,016
Oh, do you wash cars?
446
00:27:39,124 --> 00:27:41,752
No. I'm the Zeta Sorority Housemother.
447
00:27:42,394 --> 00:27:45,056
You seem a little young
to be a housemother.
448
00:27:45,130 --> 00:27:46,358
Really?
449
00:27:47,265 --> 00:27:49,426
You think I'm young?
450
00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:51,594
Oh, thank you.
451
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,194
Thank you.
452
00:27:53,271 --> 00:27:56,968
I'm sorry to invade your space,
but I needed that.
453
00:27:58,710 --> 00:28:00,905
So, what's your job?
454
00:28:00,979 --> 00:28:03,004
Oh... Job.
455
00:28:03,815 --> 00:28:06,875
I manage a nursing home.
456
00:28:08,853 --> 00:28:11,947
It's so great you give nurses a place to live.
457
00:28:12,724 --> 00:28:15,887
Actually, it's a nursing home
for senior citizens.
458
00:28:16,294 --> 00:28:19,127
An old folks'... Old people. Old people.
459
00:28:19,731 --> 00:28:21,562
I know lots of old men.
460
00:28:21,633 --> 00:28:25,626
Hairy and not hairy.
But I don't mean to brag.
461
00:28:26,271 --> 00:28:28,102
So, they live there?
462
00:28:29,174 --> 00:28:31,165
Like an orphanage for old people?
463
00:28:31,242 --> 00:28:35,076
Well, yeah. I mean, that's one way
you could look at it. Yeah.
464
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,576
Their parents are gone,
and they live in a big building
465
00:28:38,650 --> 00:28:40,880
all by themselves,
wondering where everybody went,
466
00:28:40,952 --> 00:28:43,079
and I think I'm gonna cry.
467
00:28:44,422 --> 00:28:49,450
Listen, if you want, you know,
you could stop by the nursing home,
468
00:28:49,527 --> 00:28:52,462
because we always need
volunteers to help out
469
00:28:52,530 --> 00:28:54,589
and visit with the old people,
470
00:28:54,666 --> 00:28:56,224
if you're interested.
471
00:28:56,301 --> 00:28:59,202
Yeah. I'd love to.
472
00:29:01,239 --> 00:29:05,175
My name is Shelley.
And I like long walks and hate rude people.
473
00:29:06,044 --> 00:29:09,104
Oh, that's good to know. I'm Oliver.
474
00:29:09,180 --> 00:29:11,478
- Oliver.
- Yes.
475
00:29:11,549 --> 00:29:15,918
I like taking long walks with rude people.
Only on short piers, though.
476
00:29:20,625 --> 00:29:22,217
That's funny.
477
00:29:22,293 --> 00:29:24,193
- You're funny.
- Thank you.
478
00:29:24,262 --> 00:29:25,695
- Bye.
- Bye.
479
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:30,526
Guys.
480
00:29:31,603 --> 00:29:33,662
Okay, this isn't my fault. Don't like...
481
00:29:33,738 --> 00:29:35,672
I know it was a disaster, but she's...
482
00:29:35,740 --> 00:29:39,005
You guys, I just had the best idea
for our phila-tropy.
483
00:29:39,077 --> 00:29:40,408
Philanthropy.
484
00:29:40,478 --> 00:29:43,606
We are gonna volunteer
at Oliver's nursing home.
485
00:29:43,681 --> 00:29:45,342
Who is Oliver?
486
00:29:45,416 --> 00:29:48,476
He's this guy I just met. He's really sweet.
487
00:29:48,553 --> 00:29:49,918
And he's kind of cute, too.
488
00:29:51,089 --> 00:29:52,488
Well...
489
00:29:52,557 --> 00:29:57,358
I don't know if you guys can recognize this,
but Shelley is meeting guys.
490
00:29:57,428 --> 00:30:00,192
And if she knows how to meet guys,
then we will learn how to meet guys.
491
00:30:00,265 --> 00:30:04,258
Then more girls'll wanna hang out with us.
Hence, more pledges.
492
00:30:04,836 --> 00:30:06,428
Yeah. Hence!
493
00:30:06,504 --> 00:30:08,233
Okay, here's what we need to do.
494
00:30:08,306 --> 00:30:11,742
We need to get all dressed up,
and then we need to go to a club
495
00:30:11,810 --> 00:30:15,337
and drink fruity drinks
and dirty-dance with each other.
496
00:30:15,413 --> 00:30:19,110
- Why?
- To bond, y'old grumpy.
497
00:30:19,551 --> 00:30:22,111
Yeah, y'old grumpy. To bond.
498
00:30:22,187 --> 00:30:25,384
The music's playing.
Our bodies are swaying.
499
00:30:25,456 --> 00:30:26,855
You know what I'm saying?
500
00:30:26,925 --> 00:30:30,793
You know? We could like play
some form of dodge ball, maybe.
501
00:30:33,398 --> 00:30:36,367
We could tie our shoes together,
our tennis shoes,
502
00:30:36,434 --> 00:30:39,062
and we could throw them
over telephone wires.
503
00:30:39,137 --> 00:30:40,195
Because I see that everywhere,
504
00:30:40,271 --> 00:30:42,831
and it seems like people would
have fun doing that.
505
00:30:42,907 --> 00:30:44,932
Like, "How hard can you throw?"
506
00:30:45,009 --> 00:30:48,240
You know what I mean? Like how...
What are you...
507
00:30:51,482 --> 00:30:53,609
Or we could go to a club.
508
00:31:07,799 --> 00:31:11,166
Six Virgin Marys and one Kamikaze.
509
00:31:11,236 --> 00:31:14,967
Here's to Zetas,
to making you guys the best sorority ever.
510
00:31:17,742 --> 00:31:20,643
Oh, Mona, that guy is totally
checking you out.
511
00:31:20,712 --> 00:31:23,613
- Go flirt with him.
- Right.
512
00:31:23,681 --> 00:31:26,343
Think of it as research, Mona. Research.
513
00:31:26,417 --> 00:31:28,408
Get over there. Get on that horse!
514
00:31:28,486 --> 00:31:30,613
Go, go. Go!
515
00:31:34,959 --> 00:31:36,290
You like what you see, stud?
516
00:31:36,361 --> 00:31:39,125
I'm not really sure
what I'm looking at, metalface.
517
00:31:39,197 --> 00:31:41,688
Let me guess, is it a Hannibal Lecter thing?
518
00:31:41,766 --> 00:31:43,199
Yeah, it is.
519
00:31:49,474 --> 00:31:52,068
There's a big box of cutesicles.
520
00:31:52,143 --> 00:31:53,838
Carrie Mae, go work your magic.
521
00:31:53,912 --> 00:31:56,039
The only magic I've ever done
was try to figure out a way
522
00:31:56,114 --> 00:32:00,244
to stay in college for nine years
and not go back to my trailer park in Idaho.
523
00:32:00,318 --> 00:32:03,219
So, figure out a way into his heart.
524
00:32:03,288 --> 00:32:07,122
Just go over there
and talk to him about any old thing.
525
00:32:11,396 --> 00:32:13,864
Excuse me, you know where the crapper is?
526
00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:16,526
I have to drop off some timber.
527
00:32:18,369 --> 00:32:19,836
Go away.
528
00:32:21,172 --> 00:32:23,037
What'd I do?
529
00:32:23,107 --> 00:32:25,541
It's okay. It's just, Carrie Mae, sometimes
530
00:32:25,610 --> 00:32:29,444
men like their women
with a little bit of mystery.
531
00:32:29,547 --> 00:32:32,482
So, get back over there and try it again.
532
00:32:37,388 --> 00:32:38,821
Excuse me.
533
00:32:39,557 --> 00:32:41,024
You know where the crapper is?
534
00:32:41,092 --> 00:32:44,118
I have to do a very mysterious thing
in there.
535
00:32:44,662 --> 00:32:46,630
Drop off some timber.
536
00:32:48,032 --> 00:32:50,865
I'm definitely not drunk enough for that.
537
00:32:54,605 --> 00:32:57,972
Well, this is good, though.
538
00:32:58,042 --> 00:33:00,237
This is really good practice.
539
00:33:00,845 --> 00:33:02,312
Hey, it's the Zetas.
540
00:33:02,380 --> 00:33:03,642
- Hi.
- Hi.
541
00:33:03,715 --> 00:33:05,376
I feel like we never see you guys out.
542
00:33:05,450 --> 00:33:07,941
We never see them out, either.
543
00:33:08,019 --> 00:33:10,749
I met you yesterday.
I was that homeless girl.
544
00:33:10,822 --> 00:33:12,289
Now I'm their house mom.
545
00:33:12,357 --> 00:33:15,019
Congratulations. That's awesome.
546
00:33:15,093 --> 00:33:17,857
So, hey, you guys got here just in time.
547
00:33:17,929 --> 00:33:22,161
We're doing a little karaoke contest.
Sororities versus fraternities.
548
00:33:22,233 --> 00:33:24,724
Yeah, you guys can go next if you want.
549
00:33:24,802 --> 00:33:26,292
Yeah! Come on!
550
00:33:26,371 --> 00:33:30,137
Oh, girls! Always say "yes" to karaoke.
551
00:33:30,808 --> 00:33:32,639
Yeah, we'll pick a great song for you.
552
00:33:32,710 --> 00:33:34,871
Don't worry,
you can't be any worse than we were.
553
00:33:34,946 --> 00:33:37,107
- Seriously, we were wretched.
- Awful.
554
00:33:37,181 --> 00:33:39,081
- I don't know.
- Oh, okay. Okay, listen.
555
00:33:39,150 --> 00:33:43,086
Just give me a second.
I promise the Zetas are going up on stage.
556
00:33:43,154 --> 00:33:44,712
Awesome. Great.
557
00:33:45,456 --> 00:33:48,050
You guys, karaoke is so fun!
558
00:33:48,126 --> 00:33:51,527
You gotta get up there and do karaoke.
Boys like singing. It's sexy.
559
00:33:51,596 --> 00:33:55,327
Go! Go! Get up there! Go! Go!
560
00:33:56,434 --> 00:33:58,061
I think we can do it.
561
00:33:58,136 --> 00:34:00,400
We can do anything better
than those mannequins, you guys.
562
00:34:00,471 --> 00:34:02,439
I might puke, but let's do it!
563
00:34:02,507 --> 00:34:04,270
That's the spirit!
564
00:34:05,276 --> 00:34:09,007
All right! Get up there, you Bravehearts!
565
00:34:12,984 --> 00:34:15,578
All right, that was Kappa Eta Sigma!
566
00:34:20,291 --> 00:34:23,021
Next up, the Zetas?
567
00:34:24,362 --> 00:34:26,728
Singing Like A Virgin.
568
00:34:34,539 --> 00:34:37,531
I made it through the wilderness
569
00:34:38,176 --> 00:34:41,441
Somehow I made it through
570
00:34:43,414 --> 00:34:48,545
Didn't know how lost I was
Until I found you
571
00:34:50,254 --> 00:34:53,985
I was beat, incomplete
572
00:34:54,058 --> 00:34:58,586
I'm a hag and I'm fat and rude
573
00:34:58,663 --> 00:35:01,427
But you made me feel
574
00:35:02,300 --> 00:35:05,235
Yeah, you made me feel
575
00:35:05,303 --> 00:35:09,933
Like a big bag of poop
576
00:35:10,374 --> 00:35:12,342
Like a loser
577
00:35:13,711 --> 00:35:17,272
We're rejected all the time
578
00:35:18,416 --> 00:35:22,182
Like a loser
579
00:35:22,253 --> 00:35:26,189
Who's so retarded, it's a crime
580
00:35:26,257 --> 00:35:28,054
Like a...
581
00:35:38,035 --> 00:35:39,900
That was not nice.
582
00:35:40,838 --> 00:35:42,100
Awesome.
583
00:35:42,173 --> 00:35:44,164
You wanna get cut, bitch?
584
00:35:44,242 --> 00:35:47,177
Oh, classy. Very classy.
585
00:35:47,245 --> 00:35:51,341
No, no, no, no, she's right, Courtney.
I mean, we should apologize.
586
00:35:51,415 --> 00:35:53,315
Especially since we're
about to take their house.
587
00:35:53,384 --> 00:35:55,944
- Oh, right.
- Where are you taking it?
588
00:35:56,020 --> 00:35:58,682
Well, we heard that you were
losing your charter,
589
00:35:58,756 --> 00:36:03,022
so Phi lota Mu is gonna buy your crappy
house when it goes on sale after rush.
590
00:36:03,094 --> 00:36:07,497
Yes, we are going to have so many pledges,
we'll need all of the extra space.
591
00:36:07,565 --> 00:36:08,964
Oh, but don't worry.
592
00:36:09,033 --> 00:36:12,161
I mean, we'll still let you guys stay on
and be the maids.
593
00:36:12,236 --> 00:36:15,967
You can sweep the chimney.
Won't that be nice?
594
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:17,905
Does the little one understand human talk?
595
00:36:17,975 --> 00:36:20,842
Oh, and I guess
that when we buy your house,
596
00:36:20,912 --> 00:36:22,812
you'll go back to being homeless.
597
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:24,074
I'm a housemother.
598
00:36:24,148 --> 00:36:27,640
A Zeta housemother, and I don't like
some of the things you were saying.
599
00:36:27,718 --> 00:36:31,154
Because they do understand human talk,
and you hurt their feelings.
600
00:36:31,222 --> 00:36:33,213
Oh, Shelley, come on.
It's not worth it, let's go.
601
00:36:33,291 --> 00:36:34,758
Yeah, you should go.
602
00:36:34,825 --> 00:36:36,156
It was so nice to see you.
603
00:36:36,227 --> 00:36:37,216
But I really think that...
604
00:36:37,295 --> 00:36:38,455
- So nice.
- So nice.
605
00:36:40,131 --> 00:36:42,691
That was so humiliating, you guys.
606
00:36:42,767 --> 00:36:43,961
I know it was awful.
607
00:36:44,035 --> 00:36:46,629
And I am so mad
that they did that to you guys,
608
00:36:46,704 --> 00:36:50,105
but we can't listen to those girls.
609
00:36:50,174 --> 00:36:53,075
Why? They're right. We are losers.
610
00:36:53,144 --> 00:36:55,135
Oh, we're not losers.
611
00:36:55,746 --> 00:36:58,112
You just ignore that dumb old wall.
612
00:36:59,250 --> 00:37:03,311
Well, you're not a loser, Shelley.
People like you. You're pretty.
613
00:37:03,387 --> 00:37:06,379
I just don't understand
that kind of behavior.
614
00:37:07,091 --> 00:37:08,490
Trust me.
615
00:37:08,559 --> 00:37:12,996
You guys, I can make you way hotter
than any old Phi lota Mu.
616
00:37:13,864 --> 00:37:18,233
By the time I'm done,
every girl on campus'll want to pledge Zeta.
617
00:37:18,302 --> 00:37:21,203
No, really, we are just a bunch of misfits.
618
00:37:22,707 --> 00:37:26,666
Lilly just texted me from the closet.
She says we're not misfits.
619
00:37:26,744 --> 00:37:28,336
Well, I hope she was being ironic.
620
00:37:29,780 --> 00:37:31,247
Go, go, go, go, go!
621
00:37:31,315 --> 00:37:32,475
- Are we doing this?
- Do it!
622
00:37:32,550 --> 00:37:34,177
- All right.
- Here.
623
00:37:34,252 --> 00:37:36,117
You can do this.
624
00:37:36,187 --> 00:37:40,180
If I thought you all were quitting...
My heart would just fall out of my head.
625
00:37:40,258 --> 00:37:42,590
Shelley, your heart is not in your head.
626
00:37:42,660 --> 00:37:46,255
Your heart has its own cavity.
Right under your fake boobs.
627
00:37:46,330 --> 00:37:47,957
Do you understand how moronic you sound
628
00:37:48,032 --> 00:37:51,024
when you say
your heart is gonna fall out of your head?
629
00:37:51,102 --> 00:37:52,592
Well, Mona,
630
00:37:53,170 --> 00:37:57,231
I totally understand
why that saying sounds mixed-up,
631
00:37:57,308 --> 00:37:59,572
but I don't mean it for real.
632
00:37:59,644 --> 00:38:03,011
I don't think that my heart is in my skull.
633
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:08,074
What I mean is that sometimes
logic tells you to do something,
634
00:38:08,152 --> 00:38:11,610
but you have to have part
of your heart in it as well.
635
00:38:12,089 --> 00:38:17,186
My head and my heart tell me
that we can save Zeta.
636
00:38:18,362 --> 00:38:23,231
We need 30 pledges,
and I know just how to do it.
637
00:38:24,135 --> 00:38:27,593
By making you guys
the hottest girls on campus.
638
00:38:33,377 --> 00:38:34,810
I'll get it.
639
00:38:39,984 --> 00:38:42,145
- Does that say "Zeta"?
- Yeah.
640
00:38:44,088 --> 00:38:46,488
This is war.
641
00:38:46,557 --> 00:38:48,149
Enough is enough.
642
00:38:48,225 --> 00:38:51,422
Let's do this. There's no way
those bitches are getting our house.
643
00:39:05,176 --> 00:39:08,668
Okay, ladies,
dressing sexy is all about skimplifying.
644
00:39:08,746 --> 00:39:12,045
I want you to show skin
in the four major regions.
645
00:39:12,116 --> 00:39:15,279
Arms, legs, belly and cleavage.
646
00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:16,718
Is this how you skimplify?
647
00:39:16,787 --> 00:39:20,484
Oh, okay. Well, maybe we could let
someone who doesn't have a giant baby
648
00:39:20,558 --> 00:39:22,287
in their belly give it a try.
649
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:26,922
Okay, this is your most important
secret weapon, the water bra.
650
00:39:26,997 --> 00:39:29,056
Just stay away from sharp corners.
651
00:39:29,133 --> 00:39:31,067
This is going too far.
652
00:39:31,569 --> 00:39:33,400
No. No way. No.
653
00:39:34,338 --> 00:39:37,501
Just consider it like another thesis topic,
you know?
654
00:39:37,575 --> 00:39:41,011
"Conventional Archetypes of Beauty
and Their Effect on the Opposite Sex."
655
00:39:47,952 --> 00:39:49,180
Are you sure that's everything?
656
00:39:49,253 --> 00:39:53,952
Because feeling good on the inside
is all about looking good on the outside.
657
00:39:59,296 --> 00:40:01,526
Go ahead and keep that one.
658
00:40:01,599 --> 00:40:04,693
There are three rules to successful flirtation.
659
00:40:04,769 --> 00:40:08,170
Eye contact, flattery and lots of touching.
660
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:11,470
For example,
let's pretend that Natalie here is a man.
661
00:40:11,542 --> 00:40:15,410
I'm touching his arm,
I'm looking deep into his eyes
662
00:40:15,479 --> 00:40:18,004
and I'm wearing deodorant. Carrie Mae?
663
00:40:18,082 --> 00:40:19,344
I know.
664
00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:21,908
And I might say something like this.
665
00:40:21,986 --> 00:40:26,047
"Oh, my gosh.
Your biceps are huge. Kiss me."
666
00:40:26,624 --> 00:40:30,287
And then he would kiss me.
So, any questions?
667
00:40:30,361 --> 00:40:32,727
What do I do with my chew?
668
00:40:32,797 --> 00:40:34,162
How long would the kiss usually be?
669
00:40:34,231 --> 00:40:37,462
And, also, why would he kiss you,
because you...
670
00:40:41,238 --> 00:40:44,765
Okay, ladies, today's lesson is makeup.
671
00:40:44,842 --> 00:40:47,538
First, we must highlight your eyes.
672
00:40:47,611 --> 00:40:50,478
The eyes are the nipples of the face.
673
00:41:37,728 --> 00:41:39,161
Whoa.
674
00:41:47,838 --> 00:41:48,930
Wow.
675
00:41:49,573 --> 00:41:52,041
So this is what it feels like
to not be invisible.
676
00:41:52,109 --> 00:41:55,738
We weren't exactly invisible before,
just the anti-hot.
677
00:41:57,181 --> 00:41:58,478
Check out Joanne.
678
00:41:58,549 --> 00:42:00,346
I really like what you've done
with the Bedazzler.
679
00:42:00,417 --> 00:42:02,351
- Thank you.
- It's nice.
680
00:42:02,419 --> 00:42:03,511
So what's next, Shelley?
681
00:42:03,587 --> 00:42:06,954
I want all the fraternities to see
how hot you guys are.
682
00:42:07,024 --> 00:42:10,824
Kind of like a coming-out party.
So we are gonna take some pictures.
683
00:42:10,895 --> 00:42:13,227
Oh, we are not posing for Playboy.
684
00:42:13,297 --> 00:42:16,994
No, in a calendar. "The Girls of Zeta."
685
00:42:17,067 --> 00:42:18,762
Everyone will see the new you,
686
00:42:18,836 --> 00:42:22,533
and selling the calendars will help us
raise money for our phil-an-coppopopy.
687
00:42:22,606 --> 00:42:24,733
Hey, you guys, Lilly just texted me.
688
00:42:24,808 --> 00:42:27,504
She says we look hot and this is fun.
689
00:42:33,250 --> 00:42:36,879
Keep doing that, keep doing that.
Make love to the camera.
690
00:42:37,588 --> 00:42:40,148
I saw that in Austin Powers.
691
00:42:40,224 --> 00:42:45,059
Yeah, work it. Think really sexy witch.
692
00:42:45,129 --> 00:42:48,656
- Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
- A good witch.
693
00:42:48,732 --> 00:42:50,757
I think you're a bad witch.
694
00:42:50,834 --> 00:42:55,362
I bet the house that falls on you is gonna
be a sexy house.
695
00:42:55,940 --> 00:42:58,374
Work it. Work it.
696
00:42:58,442 --> 00:43:02,208
You're like a supermodel,
except more pregnant. Keep going.
697
00:43:20,864 --> 00:43:25,460
Okay, Henry, very glad you finally learned
how to use the suggestion box.
698
00:43:25,536 --> 00:43:27,902
And I want to let you know
that I got your message,
699
00:43:27,972 --> 00:43:30,065
you want less Boggle and more bingo.
700
00:43:30,140 --> 00:43:32,233
So I'm gonna work on it, okay?
701
00:43:32,309 --> 00:43:35,244
Whoa.
Okay, what's going on with your heart?
702
00:43:35,913 --> 00:43:37,710
Shelley, you're here.
703
00:43:39,650 --> 00:43:41,481
- Move out of the way, man.
- Move it, Junior.
704
00:43:41,552 --> 00:43:42,951
- Sideways.
- Sorry, sorry.
705
00:43:43,454 --> 00:43:44,785
- Hi.
- Hi.
706
00:43:46,624 --> 00:43:50,151
We brought a donation
as part of our philtrophy.
707
00:43:50,227 --> 00:43:52,559
Oh, great. Thank you.
708
00:43:53,330 --> 00:43:54,695
We're making calendars,
709
00:43:54,765 --> 00:43:56,858
and before we could even get them all out,
710
00:43:56,934 --> 00:43:59,562
the printing-press guys bought up
the first batch.
711
00:43:59,637 --> 00:44:01,662
Wow. Great, thank you very much.
712
00:44:01,739 --> 00:44:05,266
This is, "Pay to the Order of Old People."
713
00:44:06,610 --> 00:44:08,544
Yes, and it doesn't stop there.
714
00:44:08,612 --> 00:44:13,447
I hope you don't mind, but I brought a few
extra volunteers to help out today.
715
00:44:15,285 --> 00:44:17,845
Henry, Henry, look away. Look away, okay?
716
00:44:17,921 --> 00:44:22,585
Look at the wall.
Think of broccoli and bad bingo cards.
717
00:44:22,660 --> 00:44:24,821
You know, actually, your timing is perfect,
718
00:44:24,895 --> 00:44:28,592
because I was about to try
and organize a dance class.
719
00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:30,190
Nobody signed up.
720
00:44:30,267 --> 00:44:33,293
And I was at the top of the list
not signing up.
721
00:44:33,370 --> 00:44:36,931
There ain't no way I'm dancing.
You can forget that.
722
00:44:37,007 --> 00:44:39,305
Oh, I love to dance.
723
00:44:39,376 --> 00:44:40,638
Well, let's do it.
724
00:44:43,947 --> 00:44:46,882
Okay, ladies, fan out and find a partner.
725
00:44:49,319 --> 00:44:52,948
And maybe we should talk
about this music.
726
00:44:54,591 --> 00:44:57,583
Wow, this music is super, super-great,
727
00:44:57,661 --> 00:45:01,995
but we might want to try
something a little sexier.
728
00:45:17,281 --> 00:45:19,010
Great job, ladies.
729
00:45:32,963 --> 00:45:36,194
Shelley, I just want to thank you so much
for doing this.
730
00:45:36,266 --> 00:45:37,358
It's just so kind.
731
00:45:37,434 --> 00:45:41,962
Oh, well, kindness is just love
with its work boots on.
732
00:45:42,940 --> 00:45:45,465
Hey, Oliver, ask the girl to dance.
733
00:45:46,910 --> 00:45:48,844
- I'd love to.
- Really?
734
00:45:51,415 --> 00:45:53,144
Looking good, Jean.
735
00:45:54,651 --> 00:45:59,179
So, listen, Shelley, I was wondering
if maybe you'd like to have dinner sometime.
736
00:45:59,256 --> 00:46:01,656
Really? Yes. Yeah.
737
00:46:02,126 --> 00:46:03,354
Great.
738
00:46:04,561 --> 00:46:07,428
- Bitchsuck!
- Sorry. I'm sorry.
739
00:46:07,498 --> 00:46:09,227
Oh, it's all good.
740
00:46:12,102 --> 00:46:13,865
I'm so glad to be back.
741
00:46:13,937 --> 00:46:17,896
Marvin, tell Shelley we're back
and we're gonna be watching a movie.
742
00:46:17,975 --> 00:46:19,602
How about something spooky? No, funny.
743
00:46:19,676 --> 00:46:21,871
No. How about Scarface?
744
00:46:21,945 --> 00:46:24,175
No, you guys,
I think it should be Shelley's pick tonight.
745
00:46:24,248 --> 00:46:28,947
Mr. Hefner, Shelley's actually gone.
She told me to give you this letter.
746
00:46:38,028 --> 00:46:41,395
Shelley moved to Africa
to work with the orphans.
747
00:46:41,465 --> 00:46:42,659
She left while we were gone
748
00:46:42,733 --> 00:46:45,759
because she says
she can't deal with goodbyes.
749
00:46:47,738 --> 00:46:50,434
I'm going to bed. No movies tonight.
750
00:46:53,343 --> 00:46:55,140
You look nervous.
751
00:46:55,212 --> 00:46:58,613
I don't like when you look nervous.
You will not blow this!
752
00:46:58,682 --> 00:46:59,876
But I just wanna mix drinks.
753
00:46:59,950 --> 00:47:02,180
You know, my whole life,
that's all I've ever wanted to do,
754
00:47:02,252 --> 00:47:03,947
is just blend.
755
00:47:04,021 --> 00:47:06,785
And then you come along
with your weird kryptonite death grip, and...
756
00:47:06,857 --> 00:47:09,257
- That's right, it's like this.
- Oh, good God!
757
00:47:09,326 --> 00:47:10,884
Oh, sweet bastard, that's good.
758
00:47:10,961 --> 00:47:14,294
That's right, and I'm the only woman
that can make you feel like that.
759
00:47:14,364 --> 00:47:17,891
You will not tell Hef
that we wrote that letter to Shelley.
760
00:47:17,968 --> 00:47:19,196
- Just do it again.
- Got it?
761
00:47:19,269 --> 00:47:22,136
- Yeah, I got it, I got it, I got it. So I got it.
- Good.
762
00:47:32,549 --> 00:47:34,073
Hi. I'll take two calendars.
763
00:47:34,151 --> 00:47:37,780
Wow. That's so generous.
Everyone's been buying two.
764
00:47:37,855 --> 00:47:40,653
Actually, it's in case one gets ruined.
765
00:47:41,692 --> 00:47:43,853
Hot dogs, Zeta hot dogs. Who wants one?
766
00:47:43,927 --> 00:47:46,418
You. You. You got one.
767
00:47:50,934 --> 00:47:52,834
Sweet setup here.
768
00:47:53,904 --> 00:47:56,896
We should totally have a mixer
with you guys sometime.
769
00:47:56,974 --> 00:47:58,168
Yeah.
770
00:48:02,813 --> 00:48:04,474
We could have one with Battle...
771
00:48:04,548 --> 00:48:06,038
What? One more time.
772
00:48:06,149 --> 00:48:09,641
We could have a Battlestar Galactica night.
With pudding!
773
00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:11,745
Definitely! What?
774
00:48:11,822 --> 00:48:13,687
Battlestar Galactica. Okay.
775
00:48:13,757 --> 00:48:17,853
She said that you guys should get together
some night, with pudding.
776
00:48:18,528 --> 00:48:19,688
Whoa.
777
00:48:20,297 --> 00:48:22,527
You betcha. You betcha.
778
00:48:22,599 --> 00:48:26,797
At Phi lota Mu we are very exclusive,
because we can be.
779
00:48:26,870 --> 00:48:30,067
Many of our sisters are leaders on campus.
780
00:48:30,140 --> 00:48:35,373
We have a rocking GPA
and our very own Korean manicurist.
781
00:48:41,485 --> 00:48:43,646
Hey, where are you guys going?
782
00:48:43,720 --> 00:48:46,689
- Whose booth is that?
- That's Zeta's booth.
783
00:48:47,291 --> 00:48:50,089
Don't be ridiculous.
Why would they have a booth?
784
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:51,252
And who would go to it?
785
00:48:51,328 --> 00:48:53,387
- Do you want some ketchup?
- That'd be great.
786
00:48:53,463 --> 00:48:55,761
I can totally hose you some right there.
Go ahead, lean back.
787
00:48:55,832 --> 00:48:57,663
No, I'm just...
788
00:49:01,471 --> 00:49:03,769
- Excuse me.
- Why, did you fart?
789
00:49:04,675 --> 00:49:06,802
- Did I do what?
- Fart.
790
00:49:08,979 --> 00:49:10,412
Where are the Zetas?
791
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:12,812
We are the Zetas, 2008 edition.
792
00:49:12,883 --> 00:49:14,646
And I'm in love!
793
00:49:27,364 --> 00:49:29,059
Why'd you do that?
794
00:49:29,132 --> 00:49:31,225
I needed to hurt someone.
795
00:49:34,538 --> 00:49:37,769
This is so awesome, you guys.
That was so much fun!
796
00:49:37,841 --> 00:49:39,433
It was, it was.
797
00:49:39,509 --> 00:49:42,501
Harmony, Brian Stone was all over you, girl.
798
00:49:43,447 --> 00:49:44,675
- And how about Mona?
- What?
799
00:49:44,748 --> 00:49:47,615
I got numbers from four boys.
It was all for research.
800
00:49:47,684 --> 00:49:48,742
Liar.
801
00:49:48,819 --> 00:49:51,083
- Careful what you research.
- But I really had fun.
802
00:49:51,154 --> 00:49:56,251
Well, Natalie, Colby was
following you around like a puppy dog.
803
00:49:57,160 --> 00:49:59,856
Do you guys think you'll, you know...
804
00:50:01,198 --> 00:50:02,290
No.
805
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:07,302
I do not think, you know, that.
806
00:50:07,738 --> 00:50:08,966
"That"?
807
00:50:10,574 --> 00:50:13,509
Natalie, are you a virgin?
808
00:50:14,711 --> 00:50:16,076
No.
809
00:50:16,913 --> 00:50:19,074
Am I a virgin? No.
810
00:50:19,916 --> 00:50:21,076
You're a virgin!
811
00:50:21,151 --> 00:50:24,382
Shelley! It's like an amphitheater in here!
812
00:50:24,454 --> 00:50:26,012
That's it.
813
00:50:26,089 --> 00:50:28,319
Oh, my gosh.
We have to have an Aztec party.
814
00:50:28,392 --> 00:50:29,757
We always wanted
to have one at the Mansion,
815
00:50:29,826 --> 00:50:32,954
but we could never find a virgin to sacrifice.
816
00:50:33,030 --> 00:50:35,999
Natalie, it is gonna be the best time ever.
817
00:50:36,066 --> 00:50:40,867
We are gonna have the most rockingest
party, and then we'll get our 30 pledges.
818
00:50:55,185 --> 00:50:57,176
Okay, quick trick, watch this.
819
00:50:57,254 --> 00:51:00,348
We are gonna put little trails of Vaseline
on the contours of our abs,
820
00:51:00,424 --> 00:51:04,258
mist it a little,
and that way the light will catch our tans.
821
00:51:06,930 --> 00:51:09,524
Oh, she says
you're completely ingenious, Shelley.
822
00:51:09,599 --> 00:51:11,328
Thank you, Lilly.
823
00:51:11,401 --> 00:51:12,891
That's the same as vapid, right?
824
00:51:12,969 --> 00:51:15,267
Oh, it's better than vapid.
825
00:51:15,338 --> 00:51:18,501
- Is that Juicy?
- Yeah, I love their stuff.
826
00:51:18,575 --> 00:51:21,942
It's a shame nobody'd be able to see it,
you know, under my brace.
827
00:51:22,012 --> 00:51:24,207
Well, when can you take the brace off?
828
00:51:24,281 --> 00:51:26,909
2004, actually.
829
00:51:28,185 --> 00:51:30,085
Well, it's a good thing I asked.
830
00:51:30,153 --> 00:51:35,557
No, I'm so fine.
I mean, you know, it's all indented into me
831
00:51:35,625 --> 00:51:38,617
and, you know, if I took it off, I wouldn't
even know what would possibly happen,
832
00:51:38,695 --> 00:51:41,289
and my spine could be like a noodle. And...
833
00:51:41,364 --> 00:51:43,798
I'm really good. I'm good. Thanks.
834
00:51:45,836 --> 00:51:47,303
Come with me.
835
00:51:48,004 --> 00:51:50,700
Joanne, when I was little,
I wore a Scooby-Doo mask to school
836
00:51:50,774 --> 00:51:53,174
for a whole month
because I thought I was ugly.
837
00:51:53,243 --> 00:51:54,471
- Thanks, guys.
- You're welcome.
838
00:51:54,544 --> 00:51:56,774
And then one day
a boy, Howard Rubenstock,
839
00:51:56,847 --> 00:51:59,338
snuck up behind me and tore it off my face.
840
00:51:59,416 --> 00:52:02,408
- Do you know what I realized?
- That you were pretty?
841
00:52:02,486 --> 00:52:05,148
No, that I was wearing it upside down.
842
00:52:05,755 --> 00:52:08,053
I'm not really sure
what you're trying to tell me, Shelley.
843
00:52:08,125 --> 00:52:12,528
I'm not either. But the point is,
you're a butterfly now, not an earthworm.
844
00:52:12,596 --> 00:52:14,621
You don't need to hide anymore.
845
00:52:14,698 --> 00:52:17,223
So, okay, here he comes.
846
00:52:17,300 --> 00:52:20,167
He runs past here every day,
and I've seen you staring at him.
847
00:52:20,237 --> 00:52:22,205
I can tell that you like him
and that you want to talk to him.
848
00:52:22,272 --> 00:52:24,866
Today's the day. Go invite him to our party.
849
00:52:24,941 --> 00:52:26,374
Go. Go.
850
00:52:31,448 --> 00:52:33,245
Run, Joanne, run!
851
00:53:00,644 --> 00:53:01,770
Hi, Steve.
852
00:53:01,845 --> 00:53:04,905
Oh, hey, Joanne. How are you?
I didn't know you ran.
853
00:53:04,981 --> 00:53:07,142
Sure, I mean, I do now.
854
00:53:07,217 --> 00:53:08,582
Where's your brace?
855
00:53:08,652 --> 00:53:10,517
- It's gone.
- Really?
856
00:53:16,693 --> 00:53:18,251
Well.
857
00:53:18,328 --> 00:53:20,489
You're pretty pleased with yourself,
aren't you?
858
00:53:20,564 --> 00:53:24,159
Oh, you scared me.
My heart's pounding like a nail.
859
00:53:25,802 --> 00:53:28,202
I guess I am a little proud.
860
00:53:28,271 --> 00:53:30,637
Well, don't get too used to that feeling.
861
00:53:30,707 --> 00:53:33,801
Because there's no way that I'm going
to let a whorey little tart like you
862
00:53:33,877 --> 00:53:36,573
stand in the way of the Phi lota Mu.
863
00:53:37,247 --> 00:53:39,272
Don't mess with me.
864
00:53:39,349 --> 00:53:41,613
Don't mess with Phi lota Mu.
865
00:53:46,523 --> 00:53:51,392
Man! Someone needs a mani-pedi
massage combo, pronto.
866
00:53:51,461 --> 00:53:52,553
- Shelley!
- Oh, my...
867
00:53:52,629 --> 00:53:54,995
Steve said he's gonna come
to the Aztec party.
868
00:53:55,065 --> 00:53:56,589
Steve, he's gonna come.
869
00:53:56,666 --> 00:53:59,294
Yay! This is gonna be so much fun!
870
00:54:16,419 --> 00:54:19,877
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- God! Oh, my God!
871
00:54:19,956 --> 00:54:22,151
- Yes!
- Hey, you guys! Look.
872
00:54:22,759 --> 00:54:24,124
Oh, Joanne.
873
00:54:24,961 --> 00:54:27,930
I can bend! You guys, I did it, I can bend!
874
00:54:31,534 --> 00:54:34,298
"Do you find yourself
more attracted to me when I'm like this,
875
00:54:34,371 --> 00:54:36,032
"or like this?"
876
00:54:37,107 --> 00:54:39,007
- The second one.
- Great.
877
00:54:39,542 --> 00:54:41,806
So, "Because you like my boobs,
878
00:54:41,878 --> 00:54:45,109
"would you stand there
and let me go like this
879
00:54:46,016 --> 00:54:49,179
"for five minutes,
just in the hope that we might hook up?"
880
00:54:49,252 --> 00:54:51,584
Yes. Yes, I would.
881
00:54:54,924 --> 00:54:58,018
Guys! Anybody want some chips?
882
00:54:58,862 --> 00:55:00,489
Yeah, have chips while you party.
883
00:55:00,563 --> 00:55:03,464
Badass party. Badass.
884
00:55:03,533 --> 00:55:07,970
So, Miss December,
you got your bikini on under there? Huh?
885
00:55:08,038 --> 00:55:10,836
No, actually, just my fake water...
886
00:55:10,907 --> 00:55:12,534
Natalie, there you are.
887
00:55:12,609 --> 00:55:16,568
Oh, Bobby and Zach from Kappa are just
dying to meet you.
888
00:55:16,646 --> 00:55:20,104
I'm sorry, Colby,
but Natalie is a very hot commodity.
889
00:55:21,551 --> 00:55:23,178
- Excuse us.
- Wait.
890
00:55:23,787 --> 00:55:25,084
Wait a second.
891
00:55:25,155 --> 00:55:26,918
- Are we leaving?
- Yes.
892
00:55:26,990 --> 00:55:28,082
Why?
893
00:55:28,158 --> 00:55:30,626
I have, like,
the world's hugest crush on him.
894
00:55:30,694 --> 00:55:31,683
So I don't really...
895
00:55:31,761 --> 00:55:34,525
I know. Then we need to let him see
how in demand you are.
896
00:55:34,597 --> 00:55:37,464
Always remember,
boys want what other boys want.
897
00:55:37,534 --> 00:55:38,831
Right.
898
00:55:41,338 --> 00:55:42,896
Are you Lilly?
899
00:55:44,407 --> 00:55:46,739
That's a cute costume, Lil.
900
00:55:46,810 --> 00:55:49,142
I was gonna ask you this,
because I've been seeing these all over.
901
00:55:49,212 --> 00:55:51,043
I mean, this is an Aztec party,
902
00:55:51,114 --> 00:55:54,242
you know, so those statues don't really fit,
because those are from Easter Island,
903
00:55:54,317 --> 00:55:57,252
which is like 2000 miles away,
as you probably know, in Polynesia.
904
00:55:57,320 --> 00:56:01,586
Wait, Natalie. You're too smart.
Boys don't like girls that are too smart.
905
00:56:01,658 --> 00:56:02,852
Right.
906
00:56:02,926 --> 00:56:06,225
Right.
God, I hope Colby didn't hear me say that.
907
00:56:07,130 --> 00:56:09,758
Shelley, you really know all the tricks.
908
00:56:09,833 --> 00:56:11,425
How do you do it, you know?
909
00:56:11,501 --> 00:56:14,095
I mean, with Colby here
and with Oliver asking you out,
910
00:56:14,170 --> 00:56:17,571
it's like we might both
lose our virginity this year.
911
00:56:18,808 --> 00:56:20,105
Yeah.
912
00:56:24,948 --> 00:56:28,475
It's supposed to be a mixer.
There's no one here to mix.
913
00:56:29,219 --> 00:56:32,211
They're over there, aren't they? The Kappas.
914
00:56:32,288 --> 00:56:34,916
Well, they're definitely not here.
915
00:56:34,991 --> 00:56:37,687
I know that, dipswitch. I can see that.
916
00:56:41,097 --> 00:56:44,089
And now, let the sacrificial rites begin!
917
00:56:47,437 --> 00:56:52,238
It's time for this virgin
to get sacrificed in the boiling Jell-O lava!
918
00:56:53,042 --> 00:56:55,772
- Sacrifice! Sacrifice!
- Sacrifice! Sacrifice!
919
00:56:55,845 --> 00:56:57,938
- Sacrifice! Sacrifice!
- Sacrifice! Sacrifice!
920
00:56:58,014 --> 00:57:02,951
This is Aztec Night, the first of many
awesome Zeta parties to come.
921
00:57:03,019 --> 00:57:04,987
And for those of you girls
going through rush,
922
00:57:05,054 --> 00:57:08,182
remember to make Zeta
your number-one choice!
923
00:57:12,762 --> 00:57:14,753
The time is now.
924
00:57:46,429 --> 00:57:47,726
Yeah.
925
00:57:49,299 --> 00:57:52,359
I've never seen anybody
get sacrificed before.
926
00:57:53,236 --> 00:57:54,999
That was so hot.
927
00:57:55,071 --> 00:57:58,234
I mean, I don't know anything about Aztecs,
you know? Or their culture.
928
00:57:58,308 --> 00:58:01,368
But, I mean, I do know that I had fun.
929
00:58:01,444 --> 00:58:05,642
Yeah. I don't know anything
about them either, so that's awesome.
930
00:58:13,156 --> 00:58:15,716
What have the Zetas become?
931
00:58:15,792 --> 00:58:17,589
Oh, my God.
932
00:58:17,660 --> 00:58:18,888
Popular.
933
00:58:38,915 --> 00:58:40,576
Remember, be sexy.
934
00:58:40,650 --> 00:58:43,414
- He's gonna love your shoes.
- Deep breath, take a deep breath.
935
00:58:43,486 --> 00:58:46,421
Okay, okay, he's here. Okay.
936
00:58:50,960 --> 00:58:52,518
- Hello.
- Hello.
937
00:58:52,595 --> 00:58:54,392
Wow, you look great.
938
00:58:55,064 --> 00:58:56,998
- Thank you.
- You ready?
939
00:59:02,705 --> 00:59:05,674
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
940
00:59:05,742 --> 00:59:09,269
- Would you mind if we walked?
- Oh, yes, I like to walk.
941
00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:13,605
And that's not the only thing I like.
942
00:59:13,683 --> 00:59:17,016
No? You have a wide range of interests?
943
00:59:17,487 --> 00:59:21,253
Oh, yes. A big range.
944
00:59:23,626 --> 00:59:25,958
Oh, wait here for a second.
945
00:59:26,029 --> 00:59:29,055
I think I dropped some money
over here the other day.
946
00:59:29,132 --> 00:59:31,726
I just don't know wherever could it be.
947
00:59:31,801 --> 00:59:34,634
Maybe it's over here by this manhole.
948
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:39,608
That's fucking hot!
949
00:59:41,411 --> 00:59:45,780
I just went over there to look for my money
950
00:59:45,848 --> 00:59:48,681
which I had dropped the other day.
951
00:59:48,751 --> 00:59:52,482
I think it was a dollar coin,
because I heard a clanging.
952
00:59:53,222 --> 00:59:55,884
But anyway, wow.
953
00:59:56,793 --> 00:59:58,852
Who knew steam can be hot?
954
00:59:59,262 --> 01:00:00,820
Yeah, that's...
955
01:00:00,897 --> 01:00:03,388
I wonder what they did
when Marilyn Monroe did it.
956
01:00:03,466 --> 01:00:08,460
They probably added soothing botanicals
to the steam rising from the manhole.
957
01:00:08,538 --> 01:00:10,199
I like that word.
958
01:00:10,273 --> 01:00:11,740
"Manhole."
959
01:00:13,376 --> 01:00:15,867
All right. What can I get you guys?
960
01:00:17,747 --> 01:00:22,150
Instead of the mahi-mahi,
may I just get the one mahi,
961
01:00:22,218 --> 01:00:24,482
because I'm not that hungry?
962
01:00:25,221 --> 01:00:26,552
I'll ask.
963
01:00:28,524 --> 01:00:32,187
The chicken piccata for me.
Yeah, that'd be fine.
964
01:00:32,261 --> 01:00:33,888
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
965
01:00:33,963 --> 01:00:36,989
"Piccata." That's another word I like.
966
01:00:38,001 --> 01:00:39,161
Piccata.
967
01:00:39,235 --> 01:00:43,501
- Yeah, it just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?
- Sounds like "Hotta."
968
01:00:43,573 --> 01:00:44,699
Yeah.
969
01:00:45,074 --> 01:00:47,440
Or "the Spanish Armada."
970
01:00:49,012 --> 01:00:51,105
- I like to rhyme.
- Yeah?
971
01:00:52,982 --> 01:00:56,816
...and StairMaster to tone the buttock area.
972
01:00:57,587 --> 01:01:00,852
I'd show you,
but who really wants to see my butt?
973
01:01:03,192 --> 01:01:07,356
I mean, it's just a silly old butt
with no tan lines.
974
01:01:09,032 --> 01:01:10,465
Yep.
975
01:01:10,533 --> 01:01:15,095
Wow, this was really good food.
I hope it doesn't go straight to my butt.
976
01:01:16,139 --> 01:01:20,439
I mean, I think my butt would still
be a pretty good one, though.
977
01:01:21,344 --> 01:01:23,335
Yep. My ass.
978
01:01:24,547 --> 01:01:26,174
Oh, well, this has been fun,
979
01:01:26,249 --> 01:01:30,709
but we should probably wrap it up,
because I've got another date at 11.
980
01:01:31,354 --> 01:01:32,412
Are you serious?
981
01:01:32,488 --> 01:01:35,651
Well, what's a girl in demand going to do?
982
01:01:38,528 --> 01:01:39,756
Wow. Okay.
983
01:01:39,829 --> 01:01:42,662
Yeah, well, dinner's on me.
984
01:01:42,732 --> 01:01:47,169
I'm gonna get going. I wouldn't want you
to keep the other guy waiting.
985
01:01:48,738 --> 01:01:50,000
Wait!
986
01:01:50,073 --> 01:01:52,541
Your biceps are huge! Kiss me.
987
01:01:58,514 --> 01:01:59,503
Oh, my God.
988
01:02:04,387 --> 01:02:05,513
Yeah, right.
989
01:02:05,588 --> 01:02:07,385
Shelley's back.
990
01:02:07,457 --> 01:02:10,017
- How'd it go?
- How'd it go, Shelley?
991
01:02:11,294 --> 01:02:12,591
Not good.
992
01:02:12,662 --> 01:02:14,493
- What?
- Why?
993
01:02:14,564 --> 01:02:16,532
I don't think he likes me.
994
01:02:16,599 --> 01:02:19,227
He didn't fall for any of my tricks.
995
01:02:20,036 --> 01:02:22,561
That's impossible, your tricks always work.
996
01:02:22,638 --> 01:02:27,132
I did sexy, I did "other guys want me."
997
01:02:27,210 --> 01:02:30,145
You know, I worked every angle in the book.
998
01:02:30,213 --> 01:02:32,841
But I don't know, he just stared.
999
01:02:33,683 --> 01:02:36,208
What if Oliver is one of those guys
1000
01:02:36,285 --> 01:02:39,448
who wants to have, like, a conversation
with a girl before he hooks up with her?
1001
01:02:39,522 --> 01:02:40,819
He's gay?
1002
01:02:41,524 --> 01:02:43,253
No, he's not gay.
1003
01:02:44,494 --> 01:02:46,962
Oh, I don't know.
1004
01:02:50,066 --> 01:02:53,832
I'm just saying, you know,
maybe he wants to talk first.
1005
01:02:53,903 --> 01:02:56,895
What if Oliver doesn't mind a smart girl?
1006
01:02:58,074 --> 01:02:59,632
- I know.
- Wait.
1007
01:03:00,777 --> 01:03:04,543
So I have to learn things
about things and stuff?
1008
01:03:05,448 --> 01:03:07,006
About topics?
1009
01:03:08,951 --> 01:03:11,215
- Can I even do that?
- Yeah. You can do that.
1010
01:03:11,287 --> 01:03:13,482
You can do anything
you set your mind to, Shelley.
1011
01:04:31,567 --> 01:04:34,297
But you can't even tell I have boobs.
1012
01:04:34,370 --> 01:04:36,770
Well, don't you think I should show him
a little something?
1013
01:04:36,839 --> 01:04:39,205
Give him a little philanthropy?
1014
01:04:39,275 --> 01:04:42,267
Shelley, good job.
You used "philanthropy." That was fun.
1015
01:04:42,345 --> 01:04:45,246
You know what? You're still too sexy.
1016
01:04:45,314 --> 01:04:47,282
Nat, what if she wears your glasses?
1017
01:04:47,350 --> 01:04:49,682
Good idea. Okay, here.
1018
01:04:50,186 --> 01:04:51,710
Try these.
1019
01:04:53,856 --> 01:04:57,383
Oh, my God. Natalie, you should really
go to an eye doctor.
1020
01:04:57,460 --> 01:05:00,258
That's actually how I got those glasses.
1021
01:05:00,329 --> 01:05:02,092
So have you called Oliver yet?
1022
01:05:02,164 --> 01:05:05,395
Yes. He didn't seem too excited
to be going out on a second date,
1023
01:05:05,468 --> 01:05:08,528
but he said yes, so here goes.
1024
01:05:08,604 --> 01:05:12,040
All right. Now remember,
just be yourself, only different.
1025
01:05:12,108 --> 01:05:14,440
- Don't use the word "elucidate."
- Pretty much entirely different.
1026
01:05:14,510 --> 01:05:16,307
- You know what I'm talking about?
- Tone down the sexuality.
1027
01:05:16,379 --> 01:05:19,177
Talk about politics and religion.
That's always a really good first-date topic.
1028
01:05:19,248 --> 01:05:21,682
- Don't stare at him too much.
- Don't brush your teeth.
1029
01:05:21,751 --> 01:05:23,082
- Bye, Shell.
- Bye.
1030
01:05:23,152 --> 01:05:26,610
- Don't forget to call, Shelley.
- Say you're nauseous.
1031
01:05:27,556 --> 01:05:31,856
A nuclear nonproliferation treaty
should ease tension in Asia.
1032
01:05:31,928 --> 01:05:34,362
Well, that's my thought.
1033
01:05:34,430 --> 01:05:36,864
- Are you okay? With your...
- Oh, yes.
1034
01:05:36,933 --> 01:05:40,061
These glasses don't make me dizzy
or anything.
1035
01:05:40,803 --> 01:05:42,703
Elucidate on that.
1036
01:05:44,373 --> 01:05:48,173
Well, you seem to know a lot
about North Korea and the Middle East.
1037
01:05:48,244 --> 01:05:50,109
It sounds like you really read the paper.
1038
01:05:50,179 --> 01:05:54,445
Oh, all the time.
I am just nuts about the paper.
1039
01:05:54,517 --> 01:05:58,544
So, have you given any thought
to who you might be voting for?
1040
01:05:58,621 --> 01:06:00,384
I'm not sure yet.
1041
01:06:01,357 --> 01:06:05,191
I definitely won't listen to what Simon says.
1042
01:06:05,261 --> 01:06:07,058
He is just so mean.
1043
01:06:07,129 --> 01:06:10,257
I usually always agree
with Paula and Randy.
1044
01:06:12,668 --> 01:06:16,195
Oh, you meant
the President of the United States.
1045
01:06:17,473 --> 01:06:19,771
The United States of America.
1046
01:06:20,409 --> 01:06:22,639
U.S.A. for short.
1047
01:06:22,712 --> 01:06:27,115
Fifty states, if you include Hawaii.
Most people do. I'm definitely pro-Hawaii.
1048
01:06:27,183 --> 01:06:28,878
- Excuse me.
- Oh, thank God.
1049
01:06:28,951 --> 01:06:30,646
Can I get you anything else?
1050
01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:32,711
No, I think we're good, thanks.
1051
01:06:32,788 --> 01:06:36,485
Hey, I know where I know you from.
1052
01:06:36,559 --> 01:06:39,687
You were in Playboy.
"Girls with GEDs," right?
1053
01:06:40,830 --> 01:06:42,320
Oh, heck, no!
1054
01:06:43,299 --> 01:06:44,357
No!
1055
01:06:44,433 --> 01:06:47,402
Those girls are all boobs and no brains.
1056
01:06:47,470 --> 01:06:52,100
I'm too busy in a library,
reading books with dust on them.
1057
01:06:52,174 --> 01:06:53,266
How...
1058
01:06:53,342 --> 01:06:55,537
Sorry. My mistake, then. Sorry.
1059
01:06:55,611 --> 01:06:56,805
No.
1060
01:06:57,179 --> 01:07:00,774
Playboy. God. Can you believe it?
1061
01:07:01,784 --> 01:07:04,844
I'm still hungry, even though we just ate.
1062
01:07:04,920 --> 01:07:07,889
Oh, my gosh, I can't believe I did that.
1063
01:07:09,125 --> 01:07:12,822
- Sorry, let me take care of that.
- It's okay. It's okay.
1064
01:07:12,895 --> 01:07:14,692
Are those index cards?
1065
01:07:14,764 --> 01:07:17,597
No. Index... They're napkins.
1066
01:07:17,666 --> 01:07:20,726
They're not index cards
with writing on them.
1067
01:07:21,537 --> 01:07:24,062
Let me get some more napkins.
1068
01:07:24,140 --> 01:07:26,631
That's okay, really. I think...
1069
01:07:31,914 --> 01:07:33,381
Sweet balls!
1070
01:07:35,985 --> 01:07:37,646
I can't believe that happened.
1071
01:07:37,720 --> 01:07:41,053
I'm sorry about all the gravity.
1072
01:07:41,123 --> 01:07:42,852
Are you all right?
1073
01:07:50,666 --> 01:07:53,726
I'm sorry, Oliver.
1074
01:07:54,170 --> 01:07:55,501
I'm sorry.
1075
01:07:56,238 --> 01:07:58,001
I need to go.
1076
01:08:15,057 --> 01:08:17,548
Come on, Puffin,
you've been in here for days.
1077
01:08:17,626 --> 01:08:20,823
Let's watch a movie,
it'll make you feel better.
1078
01:08:21,430 --> 01:08:23,159
I don't get it.
1079
01:08:23,232 --> 01:08:25,700
Why would Shelley just leave?
1080
01:08:25,768 --> 01:08:28,100
It's for the best. She wasn't happy.
1081
01:08:28,170 --> 01:08:31,606
I used to hear her crying
in her room late at night.
1082
01:08:32,541 --> 01:08:35,374
I think I'd like to be alone for a bit.
1083
01:08:39,615 --> 01:08:41,606
I could stay with you.
1084
01:08:42,118 --> 01:08:44,609
No, just bring me more ice cream.
1085
01:08:45,654 --> 01:08:47,417
Egg! Paprika!
1086
01:08:48,591 --> 01:08:51,719
Nutmeg! Who cares? Who cares?
1087
01:08:52,628 --> 01:08:55,153
What have I done to poor Shelley?
1088
01:08:57,566 --> 01:08:59,158
You're not gonna tell him, are you?
1089
01:08:59,235 --> 01:09:01,066
No. You can't.
1090
01:09:01,137 --> 01:09:05,096
I'm gonna be the next Miss November,
not that little blonde bitch.
1091
01:09:05,174 --> 01:09:09,235
You found my weakness,
used it against me like kryptonite,
1092
01:09:09,311 --> 01:09:11,905
but that's never gonna happen again.
1093
01:09:12,882 --> 01:09:14,713
"Oh, Mr. Hefner..."
1094
01:09:16,352 --> 01:09:19,150
Guys, remember, we only need 30, okay?
1095
01:09:20,556 --> 01:09:22,023
First up,
1096
01:09:22,625 --> 01:09:23,819
Kristen Withers.
1097
01:09:23,893 --> 01:09:25,986
Pre-med, family in Greenwich.
1098
01:09:26,061 --> 01:09:27,528
- Yeah, so cute.
- I like.
1099
01:09:27,596 --> 01:09:29,188
Cute, cute. Totally.
1100
01:09:29,265 --> 01:09:30,323
- No doubt.
- Very cute.
1101
01:09:30,399 --> 01:09:31,923
- In.
- Guys...
1102
01:09:32,001 --> 01:09:34,868
We just made our first pledge acceptance.
1103
01:09:37,806 --> 01:09:40,832
Okay, cool. All right. Next up, Jill Palmer.
1104
01:09:40,910 --> 01:09:45,244
Colorado, theater major...
Her father owns, like, half of Aspen.
1105
01:09:45,314 --> 01:09:46,576
- Yes.
- Yeah!
1106
01:09:54,757 --> 01:09:57,157
Why am I such a yummy dummy?
1107
01:09:57,226 --> 01:09:58,591
Next one.
1108
01:10:00,329 --> 01:10:04,163
Nancy Nagle. English major from Florida.
1109
01:10:05,000 --> 01:10:06,160
But she does drive a Porsche.
1110
01:10:06,235 --> 01:10:09,534
I just don't know about this one.
I kind of feel like we've created this image.
1111
01:10:09,605 --> 01:10:11,505
I just don't feel like she's gonna fit in.
1112
01:10:18,047 --> 01:10:21,414
I'm just saying, she should have spent
the Porsche money on a nose job.
1113
01:10:21,483 --> 01:10:24,008
She said she broke it in a skiing accident
last year, and I'm like,
1114
01:10:24,086 --> 01:10:27,715
"Okay, I'm sure the nose surgeon would
take the Porsche as a trade-in."
1115
01:10:27,790 --> 01:10:29,314
Booya! Snap!
1116
01:10:35,331 --> 01:10:36,355
Hello?
1117
01:10:36,432 --> 01:10:38,332
Hey, Shelley, it's me.
1118
01:10:38,400 --> 01:10:40,300
- Hef?
- Yeah.
1119
01:10:40,369 --> 01:10:43,497
Hef? Oh, is this you? Oh, my gosh.
1120
01:10:43,572 --> 01:10:46,439
How are you?
Like, I can't believe you're calling me.
1121
01:10:46,508 --> 01:10:49,671
How is everybody at the Mansion?
How are things?
1122
01:10:49,745 --> 01:10:53,146
Good news. I'm gonna make you
next month's centerfold.
1123
01:10:53,215 --> 01:10:55,012
You're making me Miss November?
1124
01:10:55,084 --> 01:10:57,245
- That's right.
- Oh, my gosh.
1125
01:10:57,319 --> 01:11:00,015
Are you totally serious, or is this not Hef?
1126
01:11:00,089 --> 01:11:02,785
If this is Hef, blink once.
If it isn't Hef, blink twice.
1127
01:11:02,858 --> 01:11:04,348
Did you blink?
1128
01:11:05,461 --> 01:11:08,362
I'm so glad you haven't changed, Shelley.
1129
01:11:08,430 --> 01:11:10,591
And I want you to move
back to the Mansion.
1130
01:11:10,666 --> 01:11:13,430
It's just not the same without you here.
1131
01:11:14,370 --> 01:11:16,930
Hef, I just can't believe it.
1132
01:11:17,006 --> 01:11:18,064
Believe it, baby.
1133
01:11:18,140 --> 01:11:20,040
Okay, here's what happens.
1134
01:11:20,109 --> 01:11:23,545
We shoot the pictorial, we'll have you do
a 25-city tour of the United States.
1135
01:11:23,612 --> 01:11:25,807
And then from there
we're gonna travel Europe,
1136
01:11:25,881 --> 01:11:27,746
ending with a one-week stay in Monaco.
1137
01:11:27,816 --> 01:11:29,374
We're gonna coordinate your pictorial
1138
01:11:29,451 --> 01:11:32,511
with a Playboy Channel documentary
on the life of a centerfold.
1139
01:11:32,588 --> 01:11:35,421
The exposure's going to be wonderful,
but it doesn't stop there.
1140
01:11:35,491 --> 01:11:37,891
We're going to pull out all the stops
for this one, Shelley.
1141
01:11:37,960 --> 01:11:39,393
It's going to be huge.
1142
01:11:39,461 --> 01:11:40,894
Hef?
1143
01:11:40,963 --> 01:11:42,453
Yeah, baby?
1144
01:11:44,099 --> 01:11:46,397
Hef, I'm so sorry.
1145
01:11:46,468 --> 01:11:48,936
I'm so happy that you called me.
1146
01:11:50,005 --> 01:11:52,064
And I love you, but I don't think I can do it.
1147
01:11:52,141 --> 01:11:54,200
I can't leave my Zeta girls.
1148
01:11:54,276 --> 01:11:55,538
What?
1149
01:11:56,312 --> 01:11:58,280
I'm not going anywhere.
1150
01:12:00,349 --> 01:12:01,748
I'm home.
1151
01:12:05,587 --> 01:12:07,817
Katootoo Jihiman.
1152
01:12:08,590 --> 01:12:11,582
Sociology major from India. Everyone?
1153
01:12:11,660 --> 01:12:13,890
I remember this one.
She seems kind of weird.
1154
01:12:13,962 --> 01:12:15,088
I actually got that, too.
1155
01:12:15,164 --> 01:12:17,860
Not like an "I live in the wall
and eat crickets" kind of weird,
1156
01:12:17,933 --> 01:12:19,423
but just like a little off.
1157
01:12:19,501 --> 01:12:21,901
- Boo to Katootoo.
- Next.
1158
01:12:23,138 --> 01:12:25,698
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
1159
01:12:26,642 --> 01:12:27,666
Lilly?
1160
01:12:27,743 --> 01:12:29,506
Look at you people!
1161
01:12:29,578 --> 01:12:32,445
Honestly, is this really what you've become?
1162
01:12:32,514 --> 01:12:36,075
Judging other girls on their appearance?
Calling them weird?
1163
01:12:36,151 --> 01:12:38,676
I'm sure glad I joined when I did,
because honestly,
1164
01:12:38,754 --> 01:12:40,847
I don't think
I would make the cut these days.
1165
01:12:40,923 --> 01:12:42,891
And neither would a lot of you.
1166
01:12:42,958 --> 01:12:46,917
I can't believe that Zeta's become
just like Phi lota Mu.
1167
01:12:46,995 --> 01:12:49,225
A bunch of snooty bitches!
1168
01:12:50,866 --> 01:12:52,561
Lilly, you talked.
1169
01:12:53,135 --> 01:12:54,864
And you're British?
1170
01:13:09,051 --> 01:13:11,144
Hi, everybody. I'm home.
1171
01:13:12,588 --> 01:13:14,283
This is all your fault.
1172
01:13:14,356 --> 01:13:16,381
Yeah. You know what, Mona? You're right.
1173
01:13:16,458 --> 01:13:19,757
It all started with this fake hair
and your stupid water bras.
1174
01:13:19,828 --> 01:13:22,319
You know what?
Before you got here, we were individuals.
1175
01:13:22,398 --> 01:13:24,525
You've turned us all into stupid bimbos.
1176
01:13:24,600 --> 01:13:26,568
- We were fine the way we were.
- We look ridiculous.
1177
01:13:26,635 --> 01:13:28,660
- I'm getting Cs in all my classes.
- Why am I looking like this?
1178
01:13:28,737 --> 01:13:30,967
- This isn't who I am.
- I can't believe you let me do this to myself.
1179
01:13:31,039 --> 01:13:33,507
Guys, stop. Come on, stop, stop.
1180
01:13:33,575 --> 01:13:34,667
Guys.
1181
01:13:37,813 --> 01:13:40,077
I understand, and I'm sorry.
1182
01:13:41,884 --> 01:13:43,442
So I...
1183
01:13:44,553 --> 01:13:46,544
Thank you guys for everything.
1184
01:13:46,622 --> 01:13:50,581
I'm gonna go, and I really hope
to see you guys in the future.
1185
01:13:51,994 --> 01:13:53,256
Shelley.
1186
01:14:03,806 --> 01:14:05,535
Hi, Hef, it's Shelley.
1187
01:14:05,607 --> 01:14:07,871
I was just kidding, silly.
1188
01:14:07,943 --> 01:14:11,674
I can't wait to be back at the Mansion
and be a centerfold.
1189
01:14:12,247 --> 01:14:14,841
This is the happiest day of my life.
1190
01:14:16,318 --> 01:14:17,546
Dear Oliver,
1191
01:14:17,619 --> 01:14:20,281
I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you
this in person.
1192
01:14:20,355 --> 01:14:23,654
It was way too embarrassing
to face you after everything.
1193
01:14:23,725 --> 01:14:27,354
I am leaving the Zeta house
to fulfill my lifelong dream.
1194
01:14:28,063 --> 01:14:32,932
And I know that what I've decided to do
won't make any sense to you at all,
1195
01:14:33,001 --> 01:14:34,798
but I have joined the Peace Corps,
1196
01:14:34,870 --> 01:14:39,068
and I'm going off to work in the mountains
of a country called Peru.
1197
01:14:40,509 --> 01:14:43,239
I'm going to meet lots of interesting people.
1198
01:14:43,312 --> 01:14:45,644
I'm sure it'll be very hot where I'm going.
1199
01:14:45,714 --> 01:14:47,375
And even though it's going to be super-hot,
1200
01:14:47,449 --> 01:14:51,408
I will be bundled up in clothes,
barely showing any flesh.
1201
01:14:51,487 --> 01:14:53,546
I only tell you that because
I don't want you to worry
1202
01:14:53,622 --> 01:14:55,749
about me getting sunburned.
1203
01:14:57,359 --> 01:15:01,056
Hef told me what you did,
and I don't think it was very sisterly of you.
1204
01:15:01,129 --> 01:15:03,029
You are so vapid.
1205
01:15:04,099 --> 01:15:08,695
Actually, I'm ingenious and philanthropic,
and you're a backstabbing bitch.
1206
01:15:10,305 --> 01:15:12,796
- Nice, Shelley. That was awesome.
- Shelley!
1207
01:15:12,875 --> 01:15:16,003
I hope everybody at the old folks' home
is doing great.
1208
01:15:16,078 --> 01:15:19,445
And as for the Zeta girls,
I'm sure they're doing fine.
1209
01:15:19,515 --> 01:15:23,474
Oliver, I hope you think of me
every once in a while, and when you do,
1210
01:15:23,552 --> 01:15:25,486
I hope they are good thoughts.
1211
01:15:25,554 --> 01:15:26,612
Pooter!
1212
01:15:26,688 --> 01:15:28,349
Love, Shelley.
1213
01:15:29,525 --> 01:15:31,254
There you are.
1214
01:15:33,195 --> 01:15:36,892
So we'll be half Shelley
and half who we really are.
1215
01:15:37,799 --> 01:15:39,892
Can we be 60% Shelley?
1216
01:15:39,968 --> 01:15:43,131
I mean, say what you want about her,
but the girl had style.
1217
01:15:43,205 --> 01:15:46,003
- What?
- "She had style"?
1218
01:15:46,408 --> 01:15:49,900
She still does. I mean, she just wants
to be back at the Playboy Mansion.
1219
01:15:49,978 --> 01:15:52,412
Well, whatever we're gonna be,
we need to figure out, you guys.
1220
01:15:52,481 --> 01:15:57,384
We still need 30 pledges by October 15th,
or we can just kiss it all goodbye.
1221
01:15:57,452 --> 01:16:00,444
Who wants to be a part of something real?
Zeta.
1222
01:16:00,522 --> 01:16:02,649
Hi. Zeta. Tell 29 of your friends.
1223
01:16:02,724 --> 01:16:06,922
Listen up, ladies! Zeta was founded
on the tenets of sisterhood,
1224
01:16:06,995 --> 01:16:08,826
friendship and philanthropy.
1225
01:16:08,897 --> 01:16:09,989
Here you go.
1226
01:16:10,065 --> 01:16:13,296
Yeah, and since then, we've added some
pretty kick-ass parties to the list.
1227
01:16:13,368 --> 01:16:15,233
Yeah, but instead of judging and rejecting,
1228
01:16:15,304 --> 01:16:18,330
we'll put all the pledges we get into a bowl,
and we'll draw 30 names out.
1229
01:16:18,407 --> 01:16:20,898
Natalie? What'd you do to your hair?
1230
01:16:20,976 --> 01:16:23,410
- I could change it back.
- Why?
1231
01:16:23,478 --> 01:16:25,002
Everyone gets haircuts.
1232
01:16:25,080 --> 01:16:27,605
People have lots of different styles
all over the world.
1233
01:16:27,683 --> 01:16:31,710
In China,
they usually tend to layer it, I've noticed.
1234
01:16:31,787 --> 01:16:34,881
This isn't China, though. So, I just...
You know, I could put it back to how it was.
1235
01:16:34,957 --> 01:16:37,585
Oh, no, no. Why, why, why? You look great.
1236
01:16:38,927 --> 01:16:40,724
- I do?
- Yeah.
1237
01:16:40,796 --> 01:16:43,162
Well, I mean, you looked great before,
with the hair.
1238
01:16:43,231 --> 01:16:46,632
But, I mean, this feels more you.
1239
01:16:46,702 --> 01:16:49,535
I mean, besides,
it's not like I want you to be my girlfriend
1240
01:16:49,605 --> 01:16:52,506
just because of your hairstyle. So...
1241
01:16:52,574 --> 01:16:54,371
Your girlfriend?
1242
01:16:54,443 --> 01:16:57,537
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...
1243
01:16:57,613 --> 01:16:58,705
It's kind of presumptuous.
1244
01:16:58,780 --> 01:17:01,749
It's like, "Hey, you wanna be my girlfriend?
Sit next to me."
1245
01:17:01,817 --> 01:17:03,808
No, no.
I mean, you don't want to be my girlfriend.
1246
01:17:03,885 --> 01:17:07,116
You got guys falling from trees for you,
and it's like...
1247
01:17:07,189 --> 01:17:09,953
Here I am, just a goofy dude.
1248
01:17:11,293 --> 01:17:12,783
"Goofy dude"?
1249
01:17:14,963 --> 01:17:20,299
Colby, I want to be your girlfriend more
than an electron wants to attach to a proton.
1250
01:17:21,637 --> 01:17:24,037
- That much?
- Yeah.
1251
01:17:28,510 --> 01:17:29,636
Yeah?
1252
01:17:37,019 --> 01:17:38,646
What? What?
1253
01:17:38,720 --> 01:17:41,883
Did I mess that up?
Because I can do that so much better.
1254
01:17:42,224 --> 01:17:45,819
No, I was just thanking Shelley.
1255
01:17:46,228 --> 01:17:48,128
Oh. Thank you, Shelley.
1256
01:17:56,705 --> 01:17:59,173
Okay, guys. Close your eyes.
1257
01:18:04,546 --> 01:18:07,276
This is it. We're gonna keep the Zeta house.
1258
01:18:07,382 --> 01:18:10,681
- Oh, my gosh.
- Go, Zeta! Go, Zeta! Go, Zeta! Go, Zeta!
1259
01:18:10,752 --> 01:18:11,980
Lilly, go mail the bids.
1260
01:18:20,328 --> 01:18:21,386
Hi.
1261
01:18:22,097 --> 01:18:23,655
Are you new on campus?
1262
01:18:23,765 --> 01:18:25,528
I don't think we've ever met.
1263
01:18:25,600 --> 01:18:27,693
I'm Cole. Cole Trickle.
1264
01:18:30,372 --> 01:18:33,136
Yes. Yes, I just transferred.
1265
01:18:34,309 --> 01:18:36,106
My name is Lilly.
1266
01:18:37,546 --> 01:18:38,877
- Hi.
- Hi.
1267
01:18:39,748 --> 01:18:41,909
That girl over there just
dropped these on the floor,
1268
01:18:41,983 --> 01:18:44,315
and she's really into that guy.
1269
01:18:44,386 --> 01:18:46,718
- And I don't want to interrupt her.
- Okay.
1270
01:18:46,788 --> 01:18:48,949
- Can you mail these out for her?
- Sure thing.
1271
01:18:49,024 --> 01:18:50,548
Thank you.
1272
01:18:50,625 --> 01:18:53,822
You should totally
mail me your number sometime.
1273
01:18:53,895 --> 01:18:55,419
Okay.
1274
01:18:55,497 --> 01:18:58,398
Just give it to me. I have a great memory.
1275
01:18:58,967 --> 01:19:00,525
Where are my envelopes?
1276
01:19:00,602 --> 01:19:04,402
Oh, you dropped them, but I got it,
and they're gonna be mailed right out.
1277
01:19:04,473 --> 01:19:06,703
Oh, thank you so much.
1278
01:19:06,775 --> 01:19:10,939
- Okay, my number's 7-6...
- Anyways, it was great meeting you, Nelly.
1279
01:19:11,646 --> 01:19:13,978
Oh, but my name is Lilly, actually.
1280
01:19:14,049 --> 01:19:15,641
Yeah, whatever.
1281
01:19:16,651 --> 01:19:17,879
Bye.
1282
01:19:20,055 --> 01:19:21,920
Now can I see your pizzanties?
1283
01:19:21,990 --> 01:19:23,082
No.
1284
01:19:34,469 --> 01:19:35,766
I don't get it.
1285
01:19:35,837 --> 01:19:38,101
Why didn't anyone show up?
1286
01:19:39,608 --> 01:19:42,236
You guys, come here and look at this.
1287
01:19:47,149 --> 01:19:50,277
I'm Ashley. Come on in.
Nice to meet you guys.
1288
01:19:54,523 --> 01:19:56,787
You did send out the invitations,
didn't you?
1289
01:19:56,858 --> 01:19:58,120
Yes.
1290
01:19:59,127 --> 01:20:00,685
But there was this boy there.
1291
01:20:00,762 --> 01:20:03,230
And I never talked to a boy before.
You know?
1292
01:20:03,298 --> 01:20:05,858
And he distracted me. Just for a minute.
1293
01:20:05,934 --> 01:20:08,266
And then I saw him talking to Ashley.
1294
01:20:08,336 --> 01:20:11,305
And they knew each other. I could tell
by the way that they talked, and...
1295
01:20:11,373 --> 01:20:12,601
And...
1296
01:20:14,709 --> 01:20:16,108
I'm sorry.
1297
01:20:28,089 --> 01:20:30,057
People, all right. That's enough. Let's go.
1298
01:20:30,125 --> 01:20:33,094
We're done. We're shooting Miss November,
not Miss December. Let's do this.
1299
01:20:33,161 --> 01:20:35,789
Give me the fog. Wind, let's go.
Music, let's go.
1300
01:20:35,864 --> 01:20:39,459
Let's shoot this. Miss November.
Immortality! Let's go!
1301
01:20:40,268 --> 01:20:42,998
All right, here we go. It's Shelley time.
Come on, Shelley, it's so hot.
1302
01:20:43,071 --> 01:20:45,699
Oh, yeah. Sexy.
Sell it, Shelley. Oh, my gosh.
1303
01:20:45,774 --> 01:20:47,571
You're gorgeous, Shelley. So hot!
1304
01:20:47,642 --> 01:20:50,133
Come on, work it, Shelley!
Come on, let's see some...
1305
01:20:50,212 --> 01:20:51,236
Shelley?
1306
01:20:51,313 --> 01:20:54,077
Stop. Stop the fog, Dave.
Barry, hold the wind, please.
1307
01:20:54,149 --> 01:20:56,947
What's wrong, babe?
You okay? You sad? Sad monkey?
1308
01:20:57,018 --> 01:20:58,815
I don't think I'm your Miss November.
1309
01:20:58,887 --> 01:21:00,218
What?
1310
01:21:01,690 --> 01:21:03,123
I'm sorry.
1311
01:21:04,893 --> 01:21:08,021
Shelley, wait. Shelley.
Shelley, come on. Shelley...
1312
01:21:08,096 --> 01:21:09,996
Is she serious?
1313
01:21:10,065 --> 01:21:12,056
Shelley! Shell-monkey!
1314
01:21:12,133 --> 01:21:14,658
Should we take a shower
and talk about it? Shelley!
1315
01:21:21,843 --> 01:21:23,310
Natalie?
1316
01:21:23,378 --> 01:21:26,472
Oh, my gosh. How did you find me?
1317
01:21:26,548 --> 01:21:29,745
Oh, just... A little bird told me.
1318
01:21:29,818 --> 01:21:31,376
What bird?
1319
01:21:31,453 --> 01:21:33,944
Marvin called us. I thought...
1320
01:21:34,022 --> 01:21:35,649
We didn't think you liked us anymore.
1321
01:21:35,724 --> 01:21:39,160
Oh, my gosh, no. I've missed you so much.
1322
01:21:39,227 --> 01:21:41,695
Oh, hi, girls. Oh, my gosh.
1323
01:21:41,763 --> 01:21:43,663
You guys look beautiful!
1324
01:21:43,732 --> 01:21:46,098
Oh, I've missed you guys so much.
1325
01:21:46,167 --> 01:21:47,998
You're the best housemother
anyone's ever had.
1326
01:21:48,069 --> 01:21:50,264
I'm really sorry for what I said to you.
1327
01:21:50,338 --> 01:21:51,862
I know. We really miss you, Shelley.
1328
01:21:51,940 --> 01:21:53,271
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1329
01:21:53,375 --> 01:21:56,902
So, how'd the rest of rush go?
Did you guys get your pledges?
1330
01:21:56,978 --> 01:22:00,345
Zeta had a ton of people interested,
don't get me wrong. Thanks to you.
1331
01:22:00,415 --> 01:22:03,543
But nobody showed up
because Ashley stole all of our bids.
1332
01:22:03,618 --> 01:22:06,280
No. So the house is gone?
1333
01:22:06,354 --> 01:22:07,651
They'll make it official today
1334
01:22:07,722 --> 01:22:10,452
at the Panhellenic Council meeting
this afternoon.
1335
01:22:10,525 --> 01:22:12,322
So there's still a chance.
1336
01:22:12,394 --> 01:22:13,418
Shelley, it's too late.
1337
01:22:13,495 --> 01:22:15,929
I mean, I don't think there's anything
that we can do.
1338
01:22:15,997 --> 01:22:19,125
Natalie! Together we can do anything!
1339
01:22:20,402 --> 01:22:23,098
Today's meeting is tinged with sadness.
1340
01:22:23,605 --> 01:22:28,235
Unfortunately, not all of us will be
returning next year.
1341
01:22:29,110 --> 01:22:34,138
Yes, that's true. So with that said,
that brings us to our last order of business.
1342
01:22:36,151 --> 01:22:37,482
Stop!
1343
01:22:37,552 --> 01:22:38,712
Oh, dear.
1344
01:22:38,787 --> 01:22:40,880
We're here to save our house.
1345
01:22:40,956 --> 01:22:44,585
I don't know how this
big meeting stuff works, but I just...
1346
01:22:44,659 --> 01:22:46,183
Enough with the freak show.
1347
01:22:46,261 --> 01:22:50,163
What I was saying,
before I was so rudely interrupted, is that...
1348
01:22:50,231 --> 01:22:52,222
Hold on! Wait.
1349
01:22:55,403 --> 01:22:57,462
I have something to say.
1350
01:23:05,113 --> 01:23:07,513
Shelley, say something.
1351
01:23:07,582 --> 01:23:09,311
I'm allergic to erythromycin.
1352
01:23:09,384 --> 01:23:13,445
Oh, for God's sake, Dean Simmons.
Enough is enough. Do something.
1353
01:23:13,521 --> 01:23:17,685
Shelley? The council has come here today
to really finalize this, so...
1354
01:23:17,759 --> 01:23:22,253
No! No! This is germane to our predicament.
1355
01:23:22,330 --> 01:23:26,733
Oh, well, as long as it's germane.
Please continue.
1356
01:23:26,801 --> 01:23:28,792
Just give her a minute.
1357
01:23:30,672 --> 01:23:33,573
I'm allergic to erythromycin.
1358
01:23:34,909 --> 01:23:39,107
I took it once when I had a cold.
I was 16, and it gave me itching.
1359
01:23:39,848 --> 01:23:44,046
I mean, everything itched.
My legs, my arms, my earlobes.
1360
01:23:44,119 --> 01:23:47,282
And other stuff, too, but I can't say,
because I'm live on the air right now,
1361
01:23:47,355 --> 01:23:49,755
and you can't say "ass cheeks," right?
1362
01:23:49,824 --> 01:23:51,314
You just did.
1363
01:23:52,027 --> 01:23:54,825
But I said it kind of quietly, I think.
1364
01:23:56,865 --> 01:24:01,928
But besides the itching,
the erythromycin also made my skin glow.
1365
01:24:02,904 --> 01:24:05,668
It gave me, like, this glowing tan.
1366
01:24:05,740 --> 01:24:08,573
And I suddenly felt like another person.
1367
01:24:09,210 --> 01:24:10,643
Different.
1368
01:24:11,379 --> 01:24:12,710
Better.
1369
01:24:13,448 --> 01:24:15,746
Prettier, I guess.
1370
01:24:15,817 --> 01:24:18,411
- What's your name?
- Michelle.
1371
01:24:19,187 --> 01:24:20,313
Michelle.
1372
01:24:20,422 --> 01:24:23,152
Michelle, do you know that feeling
that I'm talking about?
1373
01:24:23,224 --> 01:24:24,418
Where you suddenly feel pretty
1374
01:24:24,492 --> 01:24:27,120
and, next thing you know,
you feel better about yourself?
1375
01:24:27,195 --> 01:24:29,595
Well, that was what was happening to me.
1376
01:24:29,664 --> 01:24:32,929
My allergic reaction made me feel pretty,
1377
01:24:33,001 --> 01:24:37,836
and so I ignored all the bad side effects,
because suddenly people were talking to me
1378
01:24:37,906 --> 01:24:39,771
and they were noticing me.
1379
01:24:39,841 --> 01:24:42,935
And even though I was itching like crazy,
1380
01:24:43,011 --> 01:24:45,809
it was worth it to feel accepted.
1381
01:24:46,781 --> 01:24:51,047
And so I couldn't wait to get a cold
so I could take my erythromycin.
1382
01:24:53,621 --> 01:24:58,422
But underneath that beautiful, glowing skin,
I still had that cold.
1383
01:25:00,061 --> 01:25:02,529
Well, that's a meteor.
1384
01:25:03,565 --> 01:25:05,499
The word is "Metaphor."
1385
01:25:06,534 --> 01:25:08,695
Can you really be that dumb?
1386
01:25:09,471 --> 01:25:11,405
She's not dumb.
1387
01:25:12,140 --> 01:25:13,903
Thank you, Natalie.
1388
01:25:15,844 --> 01:25:19,041
And, Mrs. Hagstrom, I meant "Meteor."
1389
01:25:20,248 --> 01:25:23,775
It flashes by and burns bright,
but then it disappears.
1390
01:25:24,819 --> 01:25:27,720
And that was what was happening to me.
1391
01:25:27,789 --> 01:25:30,223
The real me just disappeared.
1392
01:25:31,759 --> 01:25:33,750
Is anyone buying this?
1393
01:25:34,796 --> 01:25:37,162
I am not an expert speech-giver.
1394
01:25:38,566 --> 01:25:42,229
But I do know that one day,
when your looks are gone,
1395
01:25:42,303 --> 01:25:45,898
if everything you have is based on looks,
well, then you've got nothing.
1396
01:25:45,974 --> 01:25:49,205
You need your friends
and your family by your side,
1397
01:25:49,277 --> 01:25:53,077
to love you for who you are,
not what you look like.
1398
01:25:53,148 --> 01:25:56,914
At the Zeta house, our new motto is,
"Be who you are."
1399
01:25:56,985 --> 01:25:58,919
Because we're a family.
1400
01:25:59,554 --> 01:26:03,354
We're a family that loves you on the inside.
1401
01:26:04,559 --> 01:26:09,758
So we need you to stand forward
and be a part of that family.
1402
01:26:10,598 --> 01:26:15,194
We need 30 people right now
to stand forward and pledge Zeta!
1403
01:26:15,270 --> 01:26:18,671
Hey, honey!
You had me at "itchy ass cheeks." I'm in.
1404
01:26:18,740 --> 01:26:20,708
Me too! Me too!
1405
01:26:20,775 --> 01:26:22,072
Me too!
1406
01:26:23,077 --> 01:26:24,635
- I'll be a Zeta!
- Me, too!
1407
01:26:24,712 --> 01:26:26,509
- Me, too.
- I'll pledge!
1408
01:26:26,581 --> 01:26:30,142
- Six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11!
- Me, too!
1409
01:26:30,218 --> 01:26:33,085
- I'll pledge!
- Twelve! Thirteen! Come on, we need 30.
1410
01:26:33,154 --> 01:26:34,621
- I'll do it!
- Fourteen.
1411
01:26:34,689 --> 01:26:36,919
- Get your hand down.
- Fifteen. Sixteen.
1412
01:26:36,991 --> 01:26:39,960
Seventeen, 18, 19, 20.
Excellent! Twenty-one!
1413
01:26:40,028 --> 01:26:42,895
- Twenty-two. Twenty-three. Come on!
- I'll be in Zeta!
1414
01:26:42,964 --> 01:26:44,989
- Twenty-four, 25.
- Up here! Pick me!
1415
01:26:45,066 --> 01:26:47,193
Twenty-six, on top.
Thank you. Twenty-seven.
1416
01:26:47,268 --> 01:26:49,634
New pledger, right there.
Come on, two more!
1417
01:26:49,704 --> 01:26:51,296
Twenty-eight, 29!
1418
01:26:51,372 --> 01:26:53,602
One more. Just need one more.
Come on, everybody.
1419
01:26:53,675 --> 01:26:57,236
One more. One more. Get your hand up.
Come on! Be a Zeta.
1420
01:26:57,312 --> 01:26:58,609
Come on!
1421
01:26:58,680 --> 01:27:01,979
Come on! Come on, one more!
Just need one more Zeta.
1422
01:27:02,050 --> 01:27:04,075
One more, one more. Come on!
1423
01:27:04,152 --> 01:27:06,552
Pound the gavel!
Why are you dragging this out?
1424
01:27:06,621 --> 01:27:08,020
There's nobody else! It's over.
1425
01:27:08,089 --> 01:27:10,580
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha on you, Zetas.
1426
01:27:13,428 --> 01:27:14,827
Wait!
1427
01:27:15,863 --> 01:27:17,956
There's one more new Zeta!
1428
01:27:27,308 --> 01:27:28,775
No. Sorry.
1429
01:27:29,544 --> 01:27:32,945
Can't be a baby pledging a sorority.
You gotta be a student.
1430
01:27:33,014 --> 01:27:34,311
That's right!
1431
01:27:34,382 --> 01:27:37,476
Rules are rules. Oh, well. Bye-bye.
1432
01:27:37,552 --> 01:27:39,679
Time to pound that gavel.
Meeting adjourned.
1433
01:27:39,754 --> 01:27:42,587
Dunzo. Pound that gavel, Dean.
1434
01:27:42,657 --> 01:27:46,184
I'm really very sorry, girls.
I know how hard you've worked for this.
1435
01:27:46,261 --> 01:27:48,229
It hurts me to do this, but I...
1436
01:27:48,296 --> 01:27:51,561
Stop! I would like to pledge Zeta.
1437
01:27:52,166 --> 01:27:53,394
What?
1438
01:27:53,468 --> 01:27:55,959
I like everything that Shelley said.
1439
01:27:56,037 --> 01:27:58,096
Are you out of your mind?
1440
01:27:59,340 --> 01:28:03,800
And, God, do you know
how sick to death I am of you?
1441
01:28:03,878 --> 01:28:05,937
Of Phi lota Mu?
1442
01:28:06,014 --> 01:28:08,448
I've been in Phi lota Mu hell!
1443
01:28:08,516 --> 01:28:10,507
I want to be a Zeta.
1444
01:28:14,088 --> 01:28:15,316
No!
1445
01:28:21,396 --> 01:28:23,694
Okay, so Zetas keep their house.
1446
01:28:23,765 --> 01:28:25,460
Meeting adjourned.
1447
01:28:26,100 --> 01:28:29,092
Now, go study something.
1448
01:28:33,308 --> 01:28:35,242
What are we supposed to do now?
1449
01:28:35,310 --> 01:28:37,107
Let's start with this.
1450
01:28:45,687 --> 01:28:47,985
Oh, I love my weird home.
1451
01:28:48,056 --> 01:28:49,284
Things that I like!
1452
01:28:49,357 --> 01:28:52,053
Ottoman! Oh, I love you, ottoman.
1453
01:28:52,760 --> 01:28:55,285
- This house is so nice!
- I know.
1454
01:28:55,363 --> 01:28:57,388
I mean, so cool.
1455
01:28:57,465 --> 01:29:00,491
- Hey, do you want me to show you upstairs?
- Yes! Show me, show me, show me.
1456
01:29:00,568 --> 01:29:02,229
This is so great.
1457
01:29:02,303 --> 01:29:04,897
Everything worked out so perfectly.
1458
01:29:05,940 --> 01:29:08,500
Well, not perfectly.
1459
01:29:08,576 --> 01:29:13,604
I mean, I messed up things with Oliver
because I moved to Peru and left him a note.
1460
01:29:13,681 --> 01:29:16,479
Well, Shelley,
you didn't really move to Peru.
1461
01:29:16,551 --> 01:29:18,781
I know that, but he doesn't.
1462
01:29:21,155 --> 01:29:22,520
Oliver.
1463
01:29:24,292 --> 01:29:28,991
I was literally just talking about you.
How did you know that I got back?
1464
01:29:29,997 --> 01:29:32,693
Let's just say a little bird told me.
1465
01:29:33,935 --> 01:29:36,369
I gotta meet this frickin' bird!
1466
01:29:37,638 --> 01:29:39,230
It's me, Shell.
1467
01:29:40,041 --> 01:29:42,976
I'm the bird. I called Oliver.
1468
01:29:45,113 --> 01:29:46,512
Thank you.
1469
01:29:47,115 --> 01:29:49,982
It's so great to have such nice friends.
1470
01:29:52,253 --> 01:29:56,212
And, Oliver, I have to admit,
I never went to Peru.
1471
01:29:56,290 --> 01:29:58,554
- I know.
- Thank you.
1472
01:29:58,626 --> 01:30:00,218
You're welcome.
1473
01:30:00,862 --> 01:30:02,830
And I was in Playboy.
1474
01:30:02,897 --> 01:30:05,798
I know that, too. And I don't care.
1475
01:30:07,402 --> 01:30:09,700
I would like to try this again.
1476
01:30:09,771 --> 01:30:14,231
Except this time,
no manhole covers or bubble gum.
1477
01:30:15,042 --> 01:30:18,273
You know, just see where this goes.
1478
01:30:18,813 --> 01:30:20,007
Yes.
1479
01:30:20,882 --> 01:30:23,214
- I'd like that.
- Great.
1480
01:30:26,053 --> 01:30:27,520
Oliver.
1481
01:30:27,588 --> 01:30:28,885
Oliver.
1482
01:30:29,724 --> 01:30:32,921
- I'm Shelley.
- Nice to meet you again, Shelley.
1483
01:30:34,262 --> 01:30:37,322
Dear Hef, everything worked out!
1484
01:30:37,398 --> 01:30:40,834
We got 330 new Zeta sisters,
and the house was saved.
1485
01:30:42,437 --> 01:30:44,905
And Oliver and I started dating again.
1486
01:30:44,972 --> 01:30:47,873
Oliver is kind and sweet and when we kiss,
1487
01:30:47,942 --> 01:30:50,570
I see stars and he sees fireworks.
1488
01:30:50,645 --> 01:30:52,909
And he says that means that we're in love,
and he's right!
1489
01:30:52,980 --> 01:30:54,413
Because otherwise, when we kiss
1490
01:30:54,482 --> 01:30:57,451
we'd see stuff like pencils
and empty ketchup bottles.
1491
01:30:57,518 --> 01:31:00,976
Oh, and the Zetas decided to throw
a big party in my honor,
1492
01:31:01,055 --> 01:31:03,182
and I felt just like that girl
from the storybook.
1493
01:31:03,257 --> 01:31:05,088
You know the one. What's her name?
1494
01:31:05,159 --> 01:31:07,320
Oh, yeah. Cinderella.
1495
01:31:18,873 --> 01:31:21,103
Where my Zetas at? Where my Zetas at?
1496
01:31:21,175 --> 01:31:23,473
Where my, where my...
Where my Zetas at?
1497
01:31:23,544 --> 01:31:25,774
Hands up now
1498
01:31:25,847 --> 01:31:27,474
Push it up now
1499
01:31:28,683 --> 01:31:30,947
I know what boys like
1500
01:31:31,018 --> 01:31:33,213
Cute smiles and heels high
1501
01:31:33,287 --> 01:31:35,551
I tempt the hello
1502
01:31:35,623 --> 01:31:37,784
While I say bye-bye
1503
01:31:37,859 --> 01:31:40,089
I know they want me
1504
01:31:40,194 --> 01:31:42,424
They try to fake it
1505
01:31:42,497 --> 01:31:44,761
But they just end up
1506
01:31:44,832 --> 01:31:46,823
Intimidated!
1507
01:31:49,971 --> 01:31:52,269
It ain't that hard to see
1508
01:31:52,340 --> 01:31:54,240
I know you're feelin' me
1509
01:31:54,308 --> 01:31:56,037
I know what I want
1510
01:31:56,110 --> 01:31:58,374
If I think you'll give me
1511
01:31:58,446 --> 01:32:00,573
I might let you
1512
01:32:00,648 --> 01:32:03,014
Unconditionally, yeah
1513
01:32:03,084 --> 01:32:05,279
I might let you
1514
01:32:05,353 --> 01:32:07,548
If you're on my level
1515
01:32:07,622 --> 01:32:09,419
I might let you
1516
01:32:09,490 --> 01:32:12,186
And, baby, if I think you're special
1517
01:32:12,260 --> 01:32:14,251
I might let you!
1518
01:32:14,328 --> 01:32:16,489
Where my Zetas at? Where my Zetas at?
1519
01:32:16,564 --> 01:32:19,055
Where my, where my...
Where my Zetas at?
1520
01:32:19,133 --> 01:32:21,328
That's what they want, want
1521
01:32:21,402 --> 01:32:23,393
That's what they want, want
1522
01:32:23,471 --> 01:32:27,965
Now every time I come up in the spot
I'm with my Zetas
1523
01:32:28,042 --> 01:32:32,342
A peace sign to the fellas
And reverse it for the hatas
1524
01:32:32,413 --> 01:32:34,643
Slickity-slick Bam-boom-wow
1525
01:32:34,715 --> 01:32:37,047
Look at how hot my ladies are now
1526
01:32:37,118 --> 01:32:39,313
We ain't messin' with you fools
1527
01:32:39,387 --> 01:32:41,912
We ain't playin' with you clowns
1528
01:32:41,989 --> 01:32:44,219
Now this blonde babe is the one to thank
1529
01:32:44,292 --> 01:32:46,624
Helped us rise to the top of the social ranks
1530
01:32:46,694 --> 01:32:48,787
The lost little bunny
changed us for the better
1531
01:32:48,863 --> 01:32:51,331
Now she's part of the Zeta family forever
1532
01:32:51,399 --> 01:32:53,663
Back, back...
Back it on up
1533
01:32:53,734 --> 01:32:56,066
Back it a-back it a-back
Back it on up
1534
01:32:56,137 --> 01:32:58,367
Back, back...
Back it on up
1535
01:32:58,439 --> 01:33:00,873
Now I realize that
1536
01:33:00,942 --> 01:33:03,240
I know what boys like
1537
01:33:03,311 --> 01:33:05,541
I know what guys want
1538
01:33:05,613 --> 01:33:07,843
I know what boys like
1539
01:33:07,949 --> 01:33:10,213
I got what boys like
1540
01:33:10,284 --> 01:33:12,411
I know what boys like
1541
01:33:12,486 --> 01:33:14,784
I know what guys want
1542
01:33:14,855 --> 01:33:16,982
I know what boys like
1543
01:33:17,058 --> 01:33:19,219
I know what I want
1544
01:36:19,220 --> 01:36:20,221
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