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Subtitles By Rajanee

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It started with a chair.

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I've wanted this 
for a really long time.

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I know.

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Wizard.

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Jeez Banana, 
shut your freakin' gob OK?

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This is the most magnificent discarded
living room set I’ve ever seen.

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Well, well, if it isn't
MacGuff the Crime Dog.

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Back for another test?

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I think the first one was defective,

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The plus sign looks more like a
division symbol, so I remain unconvinced.

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Third test today, Momma Bear, your
eggo's preggo, no doubt about it.

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It's really easy to tell,
is your nipples real brown?

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Yeah, maybe your little boyfriend's
got mutant sperms, knocked you up twice.

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Silencio, old man. Look, I just drank my
weight in SunnyD and I gotta go pronto.

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Well, you know where the lavatory is.

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Pay for that pee stick when you're done.

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Don't think it's yours just 'cause
you marked it with your urine.

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What's the prognosis,
Fertile Myrtle: Minus or plus?

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I don't know, it's not seasoned yet.

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I'll take some of these.

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There it is.

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The little pink plus sign is so unholy.

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That ain't no Etch-a-Sketch, this is one
doodle that can't be undid, homeskillet.

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Yo-yo-yiggity-yo.

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I'm a suicide risk.

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Juno?

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No, it's Morgan Freeman, do you
have any bones that need collecting?

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Only the one in my pants.

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I'm pregnant.

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What? Honest to blog?

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Yeah, it's Bleeker's.

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It's probably just a food
baby, did you have a big lunch?

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This is not a food baby, I've taken three
pregnancy tests and I am fo' shiz up the spout.

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How did you even generate enough pee for
three pregnancy tests? That's amazing.

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I don't know, I drank
like ten tons of SunnyD.

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I'm telling you I'm pregnant and
you're acting shockingly cavalier.

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Is this for real?
Like for real for real?

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Unfortunately yes.

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Oh, my God!

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Oh shit! Phuket Thailand!

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That was kind of the emotion that I
was searching for on the first take.

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Are you going to
Havenbrook or Women Now?

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You need a note from your
parents for Havenbrook.

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Yeah, I know. No, I'm going to go to Women
Now, just 'cause they help out women now.

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Do you want me to call for you?
Because I called for Becky last year.

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No, I can call myself.

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Oh, but I do need your help with
something, it's like critically important.

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You know, heavy lifting can
really only help you at this point.

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Seriously.

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So, you were bored? That's how
this blessed miracle came to be?

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No, the act was premeditated. I mean, the
sex, not the whole "let's get pregnant" thing.

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00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:38,600
So, when did you decide that
you were gonna do Bleeker?

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I don't know.

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A year ago in Spanish class.

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You love him.

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It's actually really complicated, OK?

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And I don't feel like talking
about it in my fragile state.

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So what was it like?

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Humping Bleek's bony bod?

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Magnificent.

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Hey, Bleek.

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Wicked tiger.

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It looks proud.

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I swiped it from Ms. Rancick's lawn.

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Wow, your shorts are like
especially gold today.

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My mom uses color-safe bleach.

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Go Carole.

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I'll tell her.

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When I see them all running like that, with
their things bouncing around in their shorts,

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I always picture them naked, even if I
don't want to, all I see is pork swords.

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I'm supposed to be running.

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So guess what.

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What? I don't know.

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I'm pregnant.

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What should we do?

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Oh, you know, I was thinking I'd just
nip it in the bud before it gets worse.

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Because they were talking
about it in health class,

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how pregnancy can
often lead to an infant.

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Typically, yeah, yeah.

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That's what happens when our
moms and teachers get pregnant.

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So, you're cool with that then?

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Yeah, yeah, wizard. You know,

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do whatever you think
you should do, you know?

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Well, I'm sorry I had sex with you,

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I know it wasn't your idea.

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Whose idea was it?

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I'll see you at school, alright?

89
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Whose idea was it?

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Hey, your book fell apart.

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Right.

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It must have looked at your face.

93
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The funny thing is that Steve
Rendazo secretly wants me.

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Jocks like him always want freaky girls.

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Girls with horn-rimmed glasses
and vegan footwear and Goth makeup.

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Girls who play the cello
and read McSweeney's and

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want to be children’s
librarians when they grow up.

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Oh yeah, jocks totally eat that shit up.

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They just won’t admit
it, because they’re

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supposed to be into perfect
cheerleaders you know,

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Like Leah, who incidentally
is into teachers.

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Me too, I love Woody Allen!

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Alright people.

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We're doing chromatography
lab today, so find

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your partners and break
into groups of four.

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Well, there's nothing
like experimenting.

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I did the prep questions
for this lab last night,

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so you can just copy
my answers if you want.

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I couldn’t copy your work.

110
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You copy my work every week.

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True, I'm kind of a deadbeat
lab partner, aren't I?

112
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No, no, I don't mind. I think you
definitely bring something to the table.

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Charisma.

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Who's ready for some chromamagnificence?

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I have a menstrual migraine, so I can't
really look at bright lights today.

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Amanda, I told you to go to the
infirmary and lie down. You never listen.

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No, Josh, because I don't take orders.
Not from you and not from any man.

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You know, you've been
acting like this ever since

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I got back from visiting
my brother in Mankato.

120
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I already told you, nothing happened.

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Well, I'm gonna set up the apparatus.

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Juno, do you want to
plug in the Bunsen burner?

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It's my pleasure.

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I’m going to the infirmary.

125
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Good. Call me when you get off the rag.

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Fine, call me when you
learn how to love someone,

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instead of cheating at
your brother's college,

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Just because you've had
four Smirnoff Ices and

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a bottle of Snow Peak
Peach flavored Boone’s!

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Good, Amanda, I'll be sure to
do that, I'll make a note of it.

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I've actually heard that the Snow Peak
Peach flavor is the best flavor of Boone's.

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Isn't that right, Bleek?

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Oprimo numero dos.

134
00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:26,800
Yeah, I'm just calling to
procure a hasty abortion.

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What?

136
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,800
Can you just hold on for a
second, I'm on my hamburger phone.

137
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Okay, now I can,

138
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Yeah, it's really awkward to talk on.

139
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Yeah, I need an abortion.

140
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Sixteen.

141
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I'm gonna say it's been about two
months and four days since the sex,

142
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Mind you, that's just
like a guestimation.

143
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Sorry, how long have I been what?

144
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Oh, I hate it when adults use
the term "sexually active".

145
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What does it even mean?

146
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Can I deactivate someday, or is
this a permanent state of being?

147
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:13,400
I guess Bleeker went
live that night we did it,

148
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I guess that’s why he
got that look on his face.

149
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:19,700
You should have seen this
octopus furnace at work.

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I had to get out my Hazmat
suit just to get into the thing.

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00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,700
My dad used to be in the Army, but now
he’s just your average HVAC specialist.

152
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He and my mom got
divorced when I was five,

153
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She lives on a Havasu
reservation in Arizona

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with her new husband and
three replacement kids.

155
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:37,100
Oh, and she inexplicably mails
me a cactus every Valentine’s Day.

156
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,500
And I’m like, Thanks
a heap, Coyote Ugly.

157
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:42,300
This cactus-gram stings even
worse than your abandonment.

158
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:47,200
That’s my stepmom, Bren, she's
completely obsessed with dogs.

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Owns a nail salon and always
smells like methylmethacrylate.

160
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,400
So Juno, how was your
little maneuver last night?

161
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Which maneuver, sir? The one where I moved an
entire living room set from one lawn to the other,

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or the one where I downed a sixty-four
ounce blue slushie in ten minutes?

163
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Juno, did you by any
chance barf in my urn?

164
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:12,400
Mac, you know that nice urn by the front
door, the one I got up in Stillwater?

165
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There was some blue shit,

166
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I mean, gunk, stuff
in there this morning.

167
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I would never barf in your urn, Brenda.

168
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I mean, maybe L.B. did it.

169
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:31,200
Liberty Bell, if you put one more Baco on that
potato, I’m gonna kick your little monkey butt.

170
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All babies want to get borned!
All babies want to get borned!

171
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All babies want to get borned!

172
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Hey Su-Chin.

173
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Hi, Juno.

174
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How are you?

175
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You know, pretty solid.

176
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:55,200
So did you write that
paper for Worth's class yet?

177
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:57,000
No, not yet.

178
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I tried to work on it a little last night,
but I’m having trouble concentrating.

179
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I'll sell you some of my Adderall.

180
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No thanks, I'm off pills.

181
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That's a wise choice 'cause I knew
this girl, she had this crazy freakout.

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She took too many behavioral meds at
once and she ripped off her clothes

183
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and dove into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall
like, Blaaaaah! I’m a kraken from the sea!

184
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I heard that was you.

185
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,300
It was good seeing you, Su-Chin.

186
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,900
Your baby probably has a
beating heart, you know?

187
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,000
It can feel pain,

188
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And it has fingernails.

189
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,900
Fingernails? Really?

190
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,600
Welcome to Women Now, where
women are trusted friends.

191
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,600
Please put your hands where I can
see them and surrender any bombs.

192
00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:08,500
Hey, I’m here for the big show.

193
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:10,600
Your name, please?

194
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:12,900
Juno MacGuff.

195
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:17,300
She thinks I’m using a fake name.
Like Gene Simmons or Mother Teresa.

196
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,000
I need you to fill
these out, both sides.

197
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,900
We need to know about
every score and every sore.

198
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:30,300
Would you like a free condom?

199
00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:32,000
They’re boysenberry.

200
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,100
No, I’m off sex.

201
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:38,600
My boyfriend uses them every
time we have intercourse.

202
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,100
They make his jocks smell like pie.

203
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,600
All babies want to get borned!
All babies want to get borned!

204
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,000
God appreciates your miracle!

205
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,300
Dude, what are you doing here?

206
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:27,900
I'm supposed to come get you at four.

207
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,100
I couldn’t do it, Leah!

208
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:32,500
It smelled like a
dentist office in there,

209
00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:34,600
And there were these horrible
magazines with water stains.

210
00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:37,300
And then the friggin'
receptionist is trying to

211
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:39,700
give me these condoms that
looked like grape suckers,

212
00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:43,600
and just babbling away about her
friggin' boyfriend’s pie balls.

213
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:44,700
Yum!

214
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,900
And Su-Chin was there, and she was

215
00:19:46,900 --> 00:19:49,200
like, "Oh hi! Babies have fingernails. "

216
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:50,500
Fingernails!

217
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That's gruesome.

218
00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:54,400
You think the baby can scratch
your vag on the way out?

219
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,300
I’m staying pregnant, Leah.

220
00:19:57,900 --> 00:20:00,800
Dude! You gotta keep your
voice down, my mom is inside.

221
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,100
She doesn’t know that
we’re sexually active.

222
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What does that even mean?

223
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,200
I've been thinking.

224
00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:11,100
I was thinking that I could have this baby
and give it to someone who totally needs it.

225
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,900
You know, like a woman with a bum
ovary or a couple of nice lesbos.

226
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,500
But then you’re gonna get huge
and your chest is gonna milktate.

227
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:23,700
- And you have to tell people that you’re pregnant.
- But maybe they’ll canonize me for being so selfless.

228
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:29,800
Maybe they’ll totally shit and be really mad and
not let you graduate or go to Cabo for spring break.

229
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,800
I was going to go to
Gettysburg with Bleeker anyway.

230
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,600
You should look at adoption ads,

231
00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:38,400
I see them all the
time in the Penny Saver.

232
00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:41,100
They have ads for parents?

233
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:47,300
Yeah! "Desperately Seeking Spawn. " Right next to
terriers and iguanas and used fitness equipment.

234
00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:50,000
It’s totally legit.

235
00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:58,000
"Wholesome, spiritually wealthy couple
have found true love with each other. "

236
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,000
"All that’s missing is your bastard. "

237
00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:02,900
I want a parakeet.

238
00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:05,000
You’re totally not even listening to me.

239
00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:10,200
No, I heard you. I don't want to give the baby to
a family that describes themselves as "wholesome. "

240
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,700
- Why?
- I want something a little more edgier.

241
00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:17,600
- Okay, what did you have in mind exactly?
- I was thinking a graphic designer,

242
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:22,600
mid-thirties, with a cool Asian girlfriend who
dresses awesome and rocks out on the bass guitar.

243
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,700
But I don't want to be too particular.

244
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,000
OK, how about this?

245
00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:32,400
"Educated, successful couple seeking
infant to join our family of five. "

246
00:21:32,700 --> 00:21:36,900
"You will be compensated. Help
us complete the circle of love. "

247
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:38,600
That sounds great.

248
00:21:38,900 --> 00:21:43,700
They sound like a friggin' cult. Besides, they
already have three kids, they're greedy little bitches.

249
00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:45,800
Oh, Juno! How about this one?

250
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:51,400
They were Mark and Vanessa Loring,

251
00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:54,700
And they were beautiful
even in black and white.

252
00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:07,000
Paul? Are you coming downstairs to eat?

253
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:08,500
No, I don’t think so.

254
00:22:09,300 --> 00:22:10,800
You ran eight miles today, Puppy.

255
00:22:11,700 --> 00:22:13,400
I’m not hungry, oddly.

256
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,700
But it’s breakfast for supper.
It's your favorite, Paul.

257
00:22:16,900 --> 00:22:17,800
Yeah.

258
00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:21,100
Juno MacGuff called while
you were out running today.

259
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,100
You know how I feel about her.

260
00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:27,200
You’ve mentioned it a couple times.

261
00:22:28,900 --> 00:22:29,800
She is just...

262
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:31,700
...different.

263
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:34,000
Yeah.

264
00:23:00,700 --> 00:23:02,800
I'm not really sure how
I'm gonna spit this out.

265
00:23:03,500 --> 00:23:04,500
Hon, did you get expelled?

266
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,800
No. The school would most likely
contact you in the event of my expulsion.

267
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,400
Well, I was just asking.
It seemed plausible.

268
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,300
Do you need a large amount
of money? Legal counsel?

269
00:23:14,900 --> 00:23:16,700
No, I’m not asking for anything.

270
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,400
Except for maybe mercy. Like, it would
be friggin' sweet if no one hit me.

271
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:23,700
What have you done, Junebug?
Did you hit someone with the Previa?

272
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:24,900
No.

273
00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:28,000
Dude, I think it's
best to just tell them.

274
00:23:35,700 --> 00:23:36,600
I'm pregnant.

275
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:38,000
Oh, God.

276
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,500
But I’m going to give
it up for adoption.

277
00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:42,100
I already found the perfect couple.

278
00:23:42,700 --> 00:23:44,600
They're gonna pay for the
medical expenses and everything.

279
00:23:46,100 --> 00:23:49,900
In thirty-odd weeks we can just
pretend that this never happened.

280
00:23:52,300 --> 00:23:53,200
You're pregnant?

281
00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:54,600
I'm sorry.

282
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:58,600
I’m sorry. And if it is any consolation,

283
00:23:59,100 --> 00:24:00,600
I have heartburn that’s
radiating down to my kneecaps

284
00:24:01,300 --> 00:24:04,200
and I haven’t take a
dump since Wednesday.

285
00:24:05,500 --> 00:24:06,300
Morning!

286
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:08,100
I didn’t even know you
were sexually active!

287
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:10,400
Who is the kid?

288
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,900
The baby? I don’t really know much
about it. It has fingernails, allegedly.

289
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:16,800
Nails? Really?

290
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:17,900
Yeah.

291
00:24:18,300 --> 00:24:20,100
I mean, who is the father, Juno?

292
00:24:23,900 --> 00:24:25,500
It's Paulie Bleeker.

293
00:24:26,900 --> 00:24:27,700
Paulie Bleeker?

294
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:30,200
What?

295
00:24:31,300 --> 00:24:32,500
I didn’t think he had it in him!

296
00:24:32,900 --> 00:24:33,900
I know, right?

297
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:36,700
Right, this is no laughing matter.

298
00:24:37,100 --> 00:24:38,000
No, it's not.

299
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:40,700
And Paulie is actually great.

300
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:42,500
In chair.

301
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:45,700
You were thinking about adoption?

302
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,500
Yeah, there’s this couple.

303
00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:52,700
They’ve been trying to
have a kid for five years.

304
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,100
We found them in the Penny
Saver next to the exotic birds.

305
00:24:56,000 --> 00:25:00,100
They have a legitimate lawyer and I was
going to go meet with them next weekend.

306
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,100
Junebug, that is a
tough, tough thing to do.

307
00:25:03,100 --> 00:25:05,900
Probably tougher than you
can understand right now.

308
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:08,500
I know...

309
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,600
...It's just that I’m
not ready to be a mom.

310
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:14,200
Damn skippy, you’re not!

311
00:25:15,100 --> 00:25:17,100
You don’t even remember to give
Liberty Bell her breathing meds.

312
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,800
That was once! And she
did not die, if you recall!

313
00:25:22,300 --> 00:25:25,700
Honey, had you considered,
you know, the alternative?

314
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:27,500
No.

315
00:25:28,100 --> 00:25:29,900
Well, you’re a little Viking!

316
00:25:32,300 --> 00:25:33,000
First things first,

317
00:25:33,500 --> 00:25:34,800
we have to get you healthy.

318
00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:36,000
You need prenatal vitamins,

319
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,200
Incidentally, they do incredible
things for your nails, so that’s a plus.

320
00:25:40,700 --> 00:25:42,600
Oh, and we need to schedule
a doctor’s appointment.

321
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,100
Figure out where
you’re going to deliver.

322
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,300
Juno, I'm coming with you
to meet this adoption people.

323
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,800
You’re just a kid. I don’t want you to get
ripped off by a couple of babystarved wingnuts.

324
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:53,700
Thanks, Dad.

325
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,900
I thought you were the kind of
girl who knew when to say when.

326
00:26:03,900 --> 00:26:05,500
I don't really know
what kind of girl I am.

327
00:26:19,500 --> 00:26:21,700
Tell it to me straight, Bren.
Do you think this is my fault?

328
00:26:22,500 --> 00:26:24,500
I think kids get bored
and have intercourse.

329
00:26:25,300 --> 00:26:27,900
And I think Junebug was
a dummy about it, Mac.

330
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,400
I am not ready to be a Pop-Pop.

331
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:31,000
You’re not going to be a Pop-Pop.

332
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:36,600
Somebody else is going to find a precious blessing
from Jesus in this garbage dump of a situation.

333
00:26:38,100 --> 00:26:40,200
Did you see that coming
when she sat us down here?

334
00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:43,100
Yeah. But I was hoping she was
expelled or into hard drugs.

335
00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:47,100
That was my first instinct too.
Or D.W.I. Anything but this.

336
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,800
And I’m going to punch that Bleeker kid
in the weiner the next time I see him.

337
00:26:52,300 --> 00:26:55,100
Mac, no. You know it wasn’t his idea.

338
00:28:02,900 --> 00:28:06,100
Hi! I’m Vanessa. You must
be Juno and Mr. MacGuff.

339
00:28:07,100 --> 00:28:08,000
Vanessa.

340
00:28:08,500 --> 00:28:09,400
It's Vanessa, right?

341
00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:13,300
Thanks for having me and my
irresponsible child over to your house.

342
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:14,900
Oh no. Thank you.

343
00:28:16,500 --> 00:28:17,500
Come on in.

344
00:28:17,900 --> 00:28:20,200
Can I take your coat or your hat?

345
00:28:20,500 --> 00:28:21,600
Oh, yeah, sure, thanks.

346
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:25,100
Wicked pic in the Penny Saver,
by the way. Super classy.

347
00:28:25,100 --> 00:28:27,800
Not like those people with
fake woods in the background,

348
00:28:28,100 --> 00:28:30,000
Honestly, who do they
think they're fooling?

349
00:28:30,900 --> 00:28:32,000
You found us in the Penny Saver?

350
00:28:32,300 --> 00:28:34,200
Hi. Mark Loring. I’m the husband.

351
00:28:34,900 --> 00:28:36,700
- How you doing? Mac McGuff.
- Nice to meet you.

352
00:28:37,900 --> 00:28:38,600
Hi.

353
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,700
This is Gerta Rauss, our attorney.

354
00:28:41,100 --> 00:28:43,000
Gerta Rauss.

355
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,100
Hi, pleased to meet you.

356
00:28:46,900 --> 00:28:48,400
And this, of course, is Juno.

357
00:28:49,700 --> 00:28:50,900
Like the city in Alaska.

358
00:28:51,300 --> 00:28:51,900
No.

359
00:28:52,700 --> 00:28:53,300
No?

360
00:28:53,900 --> 00:28:54,600
Hon?

361
00:28:55,100 --> 00:28:56,500
Shall we sit down and
get to know one another?

362
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,000
I thought I'd get some drinks.

363
00:28:58,300 --> 00:29:02,400
What would anyone like? I have Pellegrino
or Vitamin Water or orange juice.

364
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,900
A Maker’s Mark, please. Up.

365
00:29:07,100 --> 00:29:07,800
She’s kidding.

366
00:29:08,500 --> 00:29:11,900
Junebug has a wonderful sense of humor,
just one of her many genetic gifts.

367
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:13,000
I see.

368
00:29:16,300 --> 00:29:19,600
So, Juno. First off,
how far along are you?

369
00:29:20,100 --> 00:29:20,800
I’m a junior.

370
00:29:22,100 --> 00:29:23,900
No, I mean in your pregnancy.

371
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:30,700
Oh. Uh, actually my stepmom took me yesterday
to the doctor and they said I was twelve weeks.

372
00:29:31,300 --> 00:29:32,100
Oh, that’s marvelous.

373
00:29:32,300 --> 00:29:34,200
So you’re into your second trimester?

374
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:38,100
Yeah, apparently.

375
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:40,200
I’m due on May 4.

376
00:29:40,500 --> 00:29:41,200
Great.

377
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:43,700
My girlfriends tell me the first
couple months are the hardest.

378
00:29:44,300 --> 00:29:45,500
I didn't notice it at all.

379
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:52,100
I’m more concerned about when they have to
put that elastic band in the front of my jeans.

380
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,600
I think pregnancy is beautiful.

381
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:56,900
Well, you’re lucky it’s not you.

382
00:30:00,500 --> 00:30:03,200
So, let’s talk how we’re
gonna do this... thing.

383
00:30:03,700 --> 00:30:05,700
Well, don't I just have the thing?

384
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,900
Squeeze it on out and hand it over?

385
00:30:08,900 --> 00:30:12,000
Mark and Vanessa are willing
to negotiate an open adoption.

386
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:13,500
What does that mean?

387
00:30:13,900 --> 00:30:16,500
It means they’d send
annual updates, photos,

388
00:30:16,500 --> 00:30:20,000
let Juno know how the baby is
doing as he or she grows up.

389
00:30:20,300 --> 00:30:24,400
Whoah. I don’t want photos
or any kind of notification.

390
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:27,800
Can’t we just kick this old school?

391
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,800
I stick the baby in a
basket and send it your way.

392
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:32,300
Like Moses in the reeds.

393
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:35,200
Technically, that would be
kickin’ it Old Testament.

394
00:30:36,700 --> 00:30:38,200
Exactly! Right?

395
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:39,400
Do you know what I mean?

396
00:30:39,700 --> 00:30:41,800
Like in the good old days.
When it was quick and dirty.

397
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:48,800
Well, then we all agree a traditional closed
adoption would be best for all involved?

398
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:52,100
Shit, yes, just close her on up.

399
00:30:52,900 --> 00:30:55,300
Obviously, we would compensate
you for all your medical expenses.

400
00:30:56,300 --> 00:30:58,500
Are you looking for any
other type of compensation?

401
00:31:00,700 --> 00:31:01,500
Excuse me?

402
00:31:05,300 --> 00:31:06,000
No.

403
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,700
No, I don't want to
sell the thing, I just...

404
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:10,700
...I want...

405
00:31:12,900 --> 00:31:16,700
...I just want the baby to be
with people who are gonna love it,

406
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:19,400
And be good parents, you know?

407
00:31:21,300 --> 00:31:22,900
I’m in high school.

408
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,500
I’m ill-equipped.

409
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,800
You’re doing a beautiful
and a selfless thing for us.

410
00:31:32,300 --> 00:31:34,500
Vanessa has wanted a baby
ever since we got married.

411
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:36,000
I want to be a mommy so badly!

412
00:31:37,500 --> 00:31:38,400
You don’t say.

413
00:31:38,700 --> 00:31:41,100
Have you ever felt like you
were just born to do something?

414
00:31:41,700 --> 00:31:42,700
Yes.

415
00:31:43,100 --> 00:31:44,100
Heating and air conditioning.

416
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:45,700
There you go.

417
00:31:46,700 --> 00:31:47,900
I was born to be a mother.

418
00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:49,400
Some of us are.

419
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:54,000
How about you, Mark, are you
looking forward to being a dad?

420
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:56,000
Betcha, yeah.

421
00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:00,900
Every guy wants to be a father.
Wants to coach the soccer team and

422
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:04,900
help out with the science
fair and the volcano goes off.

423
00:32:06,100 --> 00:32:07,100
Yeah, all that.

424
00:32:08,500 --> 00:32:12,500
Maybe Gerta could take us through the
preliminary documents that you have drawn up.

425
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:19,100
Could I use the facilities first? Being
pregnant makes me pee like Seabiscuit.

426
00:32:19,900 --> 00:32:25,300
The downstairs bathroom is being re-tiled,
but if you go upstairs, then to the right...

427
00:32:25,500 --> 00:32:27,000
Oh yeah! Room with the toilet.

428
00:32:28,500 --> 00:32:29,300
Is she alright?

429
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:17,900
Sorry.

430
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:19,400
Sorry, I didn’t expect
to see you up here.

431
00:33:19,900 --> 00:33:20,900
I just came up to get something.

432
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:23,500
Did your wife send you
up here to spy on me?

433
00:33:24,100 --> 00:33:24,900
No.

434
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:27,500
Do we come off as paranoid
yuppies or something?

435
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:32,600
I stole a squirt of your wife's perfume.

436
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:33,800
Really?

437
00:33:34,500 --> 00:33:35,800
It's Clinique Happy.

438
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,000
Get a whiff of those sparkling topnotes!

439
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:41,000
Is that supposed to make me feel happy?

440
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:42,900
You should feel happy, Holmes.

441
00:33:43,700 --> 00:33:47,700
I’m giving you and Vanessa the gift of life. 
Sweet, screaming, pooping life!

442
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,000
And you don’t even have to be there
when it comes out all covered in...

443
00:33:50,500 --> 00:33:51,300
Viscera?

444
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:52,600
Blood and guts.

445
00:33:57,100 --> 00:33:58,200
Is that a Les Paul?

446
00:33:59,700 --> 00:34:00,600
Yes, it is.

447
00:34:01,100 --> 00:34:02,800
Vanessa gave me my own
room for all my stuff.

448
00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:08,100
She gave you your own room in
your whole house for your stuff?

449
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:11,100
She’s got you on a
long leash there, Mark.

450
00:34:12,700 --> 00:34:13,600
Oh, it's beautiful.

451
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,900
You know? I always loved
Gibson way more than Fender.

452
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:19,200
What do you play?

453
00:34:19,700 --> 00:34:21,000
I rock a Harmony.

454
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:26,200
So is it mahagony?

455
00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:29,700
What happens if you crack the neck?

456
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,400
Tell me about it. I used
to play in this really tight

457
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:33,000
band when I lived in Chicago
and one night we opened up

458
00:34:33,500 --> 00:34:35,300
for the Melvins and I
busted that thing right on

459
00:34:35,300 --> 00:34:37,200
stage and it cost me
$800 just to get it fixed.

460
00:34:39,100 --> 00:34:40,600
When was that?

461
00:34:40,900 --> 00:34:42,600
‘93. Best time for rock and roll.

462
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:48,500
Nuh-uh, '77! Punk Volume #1.

463
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:49,900
You're crazy.

464
00:34:50,300 --> 00:34:51,300
You weren’t there,

465
00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:52,900
You couldn't understand the magic.

466
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:54,400
You weren’t even alive!

467
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:57,500
What’s that?

468
00:35:01,100 --> 00:35:02,100
It's a Pilates machine.

469
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:05,600
What do you make with it?

470
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,300
You don’t make anything.
It’s for exercising.

471
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:12,700
My wife ordered one of those

472
00:35:13,700 --> 00:35:15,500
Tony Little Gazelles off the TV.

473
00:35:16,100 --> 00:35:17,400
You know, from the
guy with the ponytail?

474
00:35:18,700 --> 00:35:20,100
That guy just doesn’t look right to me.

475
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:30,400
I'll be right back.

476
00:35:33,100 --> 00:35:33,900
Excuse me.

477
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:43,800
Hi.

478
00:35:44,700 --> 00:35:45,200
Hi.

479
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:46,600
You're playing music?

480
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:48,900
Juno wanted a little
closer look at Kimber.

481
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:51,100
Your guitar is named Kimber?

482
00:35:51,700 --> 00:35:52,100
Yeah.

483
00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:54,500
That’s cool. My axe is named Roosevelt.

484
00:35:54,500 --> 00:35:57,600
After Franklin, not Ted. He
was the hot one with polio.

485
00:36:00,100 --> 00:36:02,300
Gerta is downstairs, we still have

486
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:04,200
a lot of stuff to go over.

487
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:06,700
I got it.

488
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:09,300
Not to interrupt the jam session.

489
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:16,700
So, just look these over and if you
have any questions, call me at my office.

490
00:36:17,300 --> 00:36:22,100
We would really appreciate it if you would just
keep us updated on any doctor’s appointments,

491
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:24,100
Ultrasounds, anything of that nature.

492
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:28,300
For sure. You want to know how
your kid is cooking, I get it.

493
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:31,100
You think you’re really
going to do this, then?

494
00:36:32,700 --> 00:36:35,300
Yeah. I like you guys.

495
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:39,100
How sure would you say you are?

496
00:36:41,900 --> 00:36:44,400
Would you say you’re 80% sure, 90% sure?

497
00:36:46,900 --> 00:36:48,700
I’m going to say I’m about 104% sure.

498
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:50,300
Really?

499
00:36:51,500 --> 00:36:55,800
Seriously, if I could just have the thing
and give it to you now, I totally would,

500
00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:59,300
But I'm guessing it looks probably
like a Sea Monkey right now,

501
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:03,000
And we should let it get
a little cuter, right?

502
00:37:03,500 --> 00:37:04,400
- Yeah.
- Great.

503
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:05,800
Keep it in the oven.

504
00:37:06,100 --> 00:37:07,000
I think that's a great idea.

505
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:08,200
Nice to meet you both.

506
00:37:08,500 --> 00:37:11,200
Please, drive carefully.
Hopefully we'll hear from you soon.

507
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:15,500
- Take care.
- Buh bye.

508
00:37:50,300 --> 00:37:50,900
Hey, man.

509
00:37:51,300 --> 00:37:52,700
Hey, Vijay.

510
00:37:52,900 --> 00:37:54,400
Did you hear Juno MacGuff is pregnant?

511
00:37:55,100 --> 00:37:55,900
Yeah.

512
00:37:56,500 --> 00:37:58,500
- Like our moms and teachers!
- Yeah.

513
00:37:59,000 --> 00:37:59,800
Did you hear it’s yours?

514
00:38:01,900 --> 00:38:02,700
Yup.

515
00:38:03,300 --> 00:38:04,700
What a trip, man.

516
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:06,800
I don’t really know too much about it.

517
00:38:07,700 --> 00:38:08,900
You should grow a moustache.

518
00:38:09,900 --> 00:38:10,700
I can’t.

519
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:11,900
Me neither.

520
00:38:12,100 --> 00:38:13,600
But I’m going to stop
wearing underpants.

521
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:16,100
Raise my sperm count.

522
00:38:42,700 --> 00:38:43,500
Juno, hey.

523
00:38:43,700 --> 00:38:44,400
Hey, Bleek.

524
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:47,300
Me and some guys are gonna go to the movies
after school and we're gonna donut that flick

525
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:50,000
with the guy who has eighteen kids.

526
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:51,500
Do you want to come?

527
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:54,800
Sounds awesome, but I got my ultrasound.

528
00:38:55,700 --> 00:38:56,700
Oh, really?

529
00:38:58,200 --> 00:38:59,000
Can I...

530
00:39:00,700 --> 00:39:01,700
...Should I come?

531
00:39:04,500 --> 00:39:05,800
Oh, you can't waste those donut balls,

532
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:09,900
But maybe I could drop by later.

533
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:11,800
Okay, cool.

534
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:13,700
- Later, Bleek.
- See ya.

535
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:17,200
I'll save you a seat.

536
00:39:29,100 --> 00:39:30,100
There's your baby.

537
00:39:30,900 --> 00:39:32,100
Oh, my God.

538
00:39:34,700 --> 00:39:35,500
There's a hand.

539
00:39:38,300 --> 00:39:39,200
And an arm.

540
00:39:42,700 --> 00:39:44,000
And there's the feet.

541
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:48,500
Would you look at that?

542
00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:53,700
Check out Baby Big-Head. Dude,
that thing is freaky looking!

543
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:57,100
Excuse me, I am a sacred vessel.

544
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,300
All you’ve got in your
stomach is Taco Bell!

545
00:40:00,900 --> 00:40:03,200
It's amazing that there's
actually saps that cry at this.

546
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:06,300
What? I'm not made of stone.

547
00:40:07,900 --> 00:40:09,000
Well, there you have it.

548
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:11,100
Would you like to know the sex?

549
00:40:11,500 --> 00:40:12,300
- Yes.
- No.

550
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,300
- Please, Junebug?
- No sex.

551
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:16,900
Planning to be surprised
when you deliver?

552
00:40:17,300 --> 00:40:21,600
I want Mark and Vanessa to be surprised, and
if you told me, I'll just ruin everything.

553
00:40:22,100 --> 00:40:23,900
Are Mark and Vanessa
your friends at school?

554
00:40:24,300 --> 00:40:25,400
No, they’re the adoptive parents.

555
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:28,100
Oh. Well, thank goodness for that.

556
00:40:29,700 --> 00:40:30,600
What’s that supposed to mean?

557
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,200
I just see a lot of teenage
mothers come through here.

558
00:40:35,100 --> 00:40:37,500
It’s obviously a poisonous
environment to raise a baby in.

559
00:40:37,900 --> 00:40:39,500
How do you know that I’m so poisonous?

560
00:40:39,900 --> 00:40:43,100
What if these adoptive parents
turn out to be evil molesters?

561
00:40:43,300 --> 00:40:45,300
Or like stage parents.

562
00:40:45,500 --> 00:40:47,900
They could be utterly negligent.
Maybe they’ll do a far shittier job

563
00:40:48,300 --> 00:40:50,200
of raising a kid than my
dumbass stepdaughter ever would.

564
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:51,000
Have you considered that?

565
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:53,400
No, I guess not.

566
00:40:54,900 --> 00:40:56,100
What is your job title, exactly?

567
00:40:57,200 --> 00:41:00,000
I’m an ultrasound technician, ma’am.

568
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:04,000
Well I’m a nail technician, and I think
we both ought to stick to what we know.

569
00:41:04,500 --> 00:41:05,300
Excuse me?

570
00:41:06,100 --> 00:41:10,500
You think you’re so special because
you get to play Picture Pages up there?

571
00:41:10,700 --> 00:41:12,800
My five year-old daughter could do that, and let me tell
you, she is not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed.

572
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,100
So why don’t you go back to night
school in Manteno and learn a real trade!

573
00:41:22,100 --> 00:41:23,500
Bren, you’s a dick!

574
00:41:25,100 --> 00:41:26,000
I love it.

575
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:31,200
Juno? Wow, I didn’t
expect to see you here.

576
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:34,600
I have something really cool to
show you guys. Is Vanessa here?

577
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,100
No, actually she’s working late tonight.

578
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:41,000
She’s trying to accrue as much
time off as she can before...

579
00:42:41,700 --> 00:42:43,100
Oh right. I hear these
are quite the time-suck.

580
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:46,600
Wanna come in? I was just
having a Ginseng Cooler.

581
00:42:47,100 --> 00:42:48,200
Would you like one?

582
00:42:48,500 --> 00:42:51,500
What is it with you rich people
and your herb-infused juices?

583
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:54,600
It's probably got something to do with
those forty four-packs they come in.

584
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:57,400
They’re not bad, though.

585
00:42:57,800 --> 00:42:59,600
Why aren’t you at work?

586
00:43:00,500 --> 00:43:02,200
I work mostly from home. I’m a composer.

587
00:43:03,900 --> 00:43:04,800
No shit.

588
00:43:05,500 --> 00:43:06,800
Like Johannes Brahms?

589
00:43:07,100 --> 00:43:08,900
No, more commercial stuff.

590
00:43:09,700 --> 00:43:10,500
Like what?

591
00:43:10,900 --> 00:43:12,000
Commercials.

592
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:15,600
Have you seen the ads for the
Titanium Power men’s deodorant?

593
00:43:27,100 --> 00:43:28,100
Paid for this kitchen.

594
00:43:30,900 --> 00:43:31,900
You’re quite the sellout, Mark.

595
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:35,300
What would the Melvins say?

596
00:43:36,900 --> 00:43:38,200
Did you say you had
something to show me.

597
00:43:39,100 --> 00:43:41,700
Behold, good sir! Your future child.

598
00:43:43,700 --> 00:43:44,600
Hey, look at that.

599
00:43:48,500 --> 00:43:50,200
I think it looks like my friend Paulie.

600
00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:53,600
Is he also bald and amorphous?

601
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:55,000
No, he’s the dad.

602
00:43:58,500 --> 00:43:59,500
Can you tell if it’s a boy or a girl?

603
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,400
I can't, the doctor can. But I
kind of want it to be a surprise.

604
00:44:05,900 --> 00:44:08,000
Well, it can only go one of two ways.

605
00:44:08,700 --> 00:44:09,700
That’s what you think.

606
00:44:09,700 --> 00:44:14,700
I drink tons of booze so you might end up with one
of those scary neuter-babies that’s born without junk.

607
00:44:15,500 --> 00:44:16,300
Junk, huh?

608
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:18,400
You know, it’s parts.

609
00:44:18,700 --> 00:44:19,700
I know what junk is.

610
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:20,700
Yeah, right.

611
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:22,000
We definitely want it to
have some junk, please.

612
00:44:22,900 --> 00:44:24,100
Well, you don’t need
to worry about a thing.

613
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:28,100
My stepmom, Bren, makes
me eat super healthy.

614
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:31,000
I can't stand in front of
the microwave and no red M&Ms.

615
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:33,800
I hope you're ready.

616
00:44:35,900 --> 00:44:37,300
Ooh... do you hear that?

617
00:44:38,500 --> 00:44:39,200
What?

618
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:43,600
This is my favorite song. It’s Sonic
Youth doing "Superstar" by the Carpenters.

619
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:45,700
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know the Carpenters.

620
00:44:46,500 --> 00:44:49,400
Chick drummer, freaky dude.
Not unlike the White Stripes.

621
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,100
You haven’t heard the Carpenters
like this. Just listen.

622
00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:03,700
Yeah, I like this.

623
00:45:04,900 --> 00:45:06,100
What did you say your favorite band was?

624
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:11,700
Didn’t. It’s a three-way tie between the
Stooges, Patti Smith and the Runaways.

625
00:45:11,900 --> 00:45:14,500
I definitely need to make you some
CDs. At least while my kid's in there.

626
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:21,200
The Wizard of Gore?

627
00:45:21,900 --> 00:45:24,500
That is Herschel Gordon Lewis.
He’s the ultimate master of horror.

628
00:45:25,100 --> 00:45:29,500
Please. Dario Argento is so
the ultimate master of horror.

629
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:31,800
Argento?

630
00:45:32,300 --> 00:45:35,400
He's alright, but Lewis
is completely dimented.

631
00:45:36,100 --> 00:45:37,900
We’re talking buckets of goo.

632
00:45:37,900 --> 00:45:42,500
Red corn syrup all over the place.
Fake brains coming out the yin-yang.

633
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,600
Quite frankly, this
looks a little stupid.

634
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:48,500
Give me the tape.

635
00:46:03,500 --> 00:46:05,600
This is even better than Suspiria.

636
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:06,900
What'd I tell ya?

637
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:10,800
You have decent taste in slasher movies.

638
00:46:11,700 --> 00:46:13,000
Here’s to dovetailing interests.

639
00:46:16,900 --> 00:46:18,300
Have you guys thought of
any names for the baby yet?

640
00:46:20,300 --> 00:46:23,500
Sort of, yes. Vanessa
likes Madison for a girl.

641
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:28,900
Madison?

642
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:33,900
Isn't that a little, gay?

643
00:46:36,900 --> 00:46:39,800
Well, pretentious much? Should everyone
just have a mysterious name like Juno?

644
00:46:42,900 --> 00:46:46,700
My dad went through this huge obsession
with Roman and Greek mythology.

645
00:46:47,100 --> 00:46:50,100
He decided to name me after Zeus’s wife,

646
00:46:50,700 --> 00:46:55,200
Zeus had tons of lays, but I’m
pretty sure Juno was his only wife.

647
00:46:56,700 --> 00:47:00,400
She was supposed to be really beautiful
but really mean. Like Diana Ross.

648
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:03,200
That suits you.

649
00:47:05,100 --> 00:47:06,100
Thanks?

650
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:10,800
You’re something else.

651
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:18,100
Vanessa. You'd better go.

652
00:47:20,300 --> 00:47:22,500
She hates when I sit around watching
movies and I don't contribute.

653
00:47:24,300 --> 00:47:27,600
I’ll handle this. I’m really
good at diffusing mom-type rage.

654
00:47:27,900 --> 00:47:28,600
No, Juno, no.

655
00:47:31,500 --> 00:47:32,800
Juno, what's going on?

656
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:34,500
- Nothing.
- What are you doing here? What's wrong?

657
00:47:34,700 --> 00:47:35,900
Nothing, I went to the doctor today.

658
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:37,100
Is there something wrong with the baby?

659
00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:38,000
The baby is great.

660
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,300
It’s the right size and everything.
I even saw its phalanges today!

661
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,200
Here.

662
00:47:43,900 --> 00:47:44,500
It's the baby.

663
00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:46,200
It's your baby.

664
00:47:50,500 --> 00:47:52,900
It kinda looks like it’s waving.

665
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:57,200
Like it’s saying "Hey,
Vanessa. Will you be my mom?"

666
00:47:58,200 --> 00:47:59,500
Yeah, it kind of does.

667
00:48:00,500 --> 00:48:02,700
Juno was nice enough to
bring that over for us today.

668
00:48:02,900 --> 00:48:04,700
I came as soon as I got that
ultrasound goo off my pelvis.

669
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:08,300
It was crazy actually,

670
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:13,100
My stepmom verbally abused the ultrasound
tech so we got escorted off the premises.

671
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,200
Wow, what kind of swag did you score?

672
00:48:21,300 --> 00:48:22,200
Mall madness, huh?

673
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:24,000
It’s just some stuff I
picked up for the baby.

674
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,200
Don't you usually get all
that stuff at a baby shower?

675
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:31,300
When my stepmom was pregnant with my
little sister she got a million gifts.

676
00:48:32,100 --> 00:48:34,200
But I wasn't jealous 'cause
they all were super lame.

677
00:48:34,900 --> 00:48:36,200
I doubt anyone’s gonna
throw us a shower.

678
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:38,400
Why wouldn't they
throw you a baby shower?

679
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:44,300
I don't think people know how to feel about
this situation because it’s not set in stone.

680
00:48:45,700 --> 00:48:46,500
What isn't set...

681
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:51,400
You don't think I’m
going to flake out on you?

682
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:52,900
No, I don’t, Juno.

683
00:48:54,300 --> 00:48:55,900
We went through a situation before

684
00:48:56,700 --> 00:48:57,600
where it didn’t work out.

685
00:48:57,800 --> 00:48:58,900
Cold feet.

686
00:49:04,500 --> 00:49:05,500
You should have gone to China.

687
00:49:07,300 --> 00:49:09,700
I hear they give away
babies like free iPods.

688
00:49:11,300 --> 00:49:12,700
They put ‘em in those T-shirt guns

689
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:14,900
and shoot them out at sporting events.

690
00:49:17,900 --> 00:49:20,300
Your parents are probably
wondering where you are.

691
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:22,300
Naah. I’m already pregnant,

692
00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:24,900
so what other kind of
shenanigans could I get into?

693
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:27,800
I should probably bounce.

694
00:49:28,300 --> 00:49:29,300
Hey, don’t forget your bag.

695
00:49:29,900 --> 00:49:30,800
Ah, bag!

696
00:49:36,300 --> 00:49:37,300
Okay, take care.

697
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:01,100
Where the hell have you been, Junebug?

698
00:50:02,500 --> 00:50:05,300
I just drove to St. Cloud to show
Mark and Vanessa the ultrasound.

699
00:50:05,300 --> 00:50:07,000
I ended up staying
for a couple of hours.

700
00:50:07,700 --> 00:50:10,100
A couple of hours? Why are you
going over there in the first place?

701
00:50:11,100 --> 00:50:15,500
They wanted to know about this stuff.
I said I'd keep them updated, so I did!

702
00:50:15,900 --> 00:50:17,500
You could have mailed it to them.

703
00:50:17,800 --> 00:50:20,400
Why would you drive an hour
out to East Jesus, Nowhere?

704
00:50:22,500 --> 00:50:24,700
I don’t know, I just did.

705
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:27,000
And while Mark and I
were waiting for Vanessa,

706
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:28,200
we watched The Wizard of Gore,

707
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:32,500
And he burned me a couple
of CDs of this weird music.

708
00:50:33,500 --> 00:50:34,500
He’s kind of cool.

709
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:40,300
Juno, you can't just
drop in on them like that.

710
00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:45,100
No, it was not a big deal.
He was totally cool with it.

711
00:50:45,500 --> 00:50:46,400
You don't understand.

712
00:50:46,700 --> 00:50:48,700
Mark is a married man,
there are boundaries.

713
00:50:49,800 --> 00:50:50,800
Oh, come on.

714
00:50:51,100 --> 00:50:52,000
Listen,

715
00:50:52,300 --> 00:50:53,300
Bren-duhhh.

716
00:50:54,300 --> 00:50:57,400
You’re acting like you’re the
one who has to go through this

717
00:50:57,400 --> 00:51:00,600
and get huge and shove a baby
out of your vag for someone else.

718
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:03,900
What does it even
matter if he’s married?

719
00:51:03,900 --> 00:51:05,300
I can have friends that are married.

720
00:51:05,700 --> 00:51:07,000
It doesn’t work that way, kiddo.

721
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:09,300
You don’t know squat about
the dynamics of marriage.

722
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:10,700
You don’t know anything about me!

723
00:51:11,100 --> 00:51:11,900
I know enough.

724
00:51:14,900 --> 00:51:15,800
We don't even have a dog!

725
00:51:16,300 --> 00:51:18,900
Yeah, because you’re
allergic to their saliva.

726
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:23,700
I have sacrificed a lot for you, Juno.
But in a couple years when you move out

727
00:51:24,300 --> 00:51:25,800
I’m going to get Weimaraners.

728
00:51:26,500 --> 00:51:27,400
Wow, dream big!

729
00:51:27,700 --> 00:51:29,100
Oh, go fly a kite.

730
00:51:54,100 --> 00:51:54,700
Hi, Juno.

731
00:51:55,700 --> 00:51:56,500
What can I do for you?

732
00:51:58,400 --> 00:51:59,400
Bleeker home?

733
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:02,100
Bleeker’s mom was
possibly attractive once.

734
00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:03,800
But now she looks a hobbit.

735
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:07,800
You know, the fat one
that was in The Goonies.

736
00:52:15,900 --> 00:52:16,700
Hey, man,

737
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:19,400
Don’t concentrate so hard.
I think I can smell your hair all burning.

738
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:21,500
Hey, what’s up?

739
00:52:21,800 --> 00:52:24,800
Not much, I just wanted to come say hey.

740
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:28,500
I miss hanging out with
you on school nights.

741
00:52:30,700 --> 00:52:33,100
Orange Tic-Tacs are
Bleeker’s one and only vice.

742
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:37,500
The day I got pregnant, his mouth
tasted really tangy and delicious.

743
00:52:47,700 --> 00:52:48,900
You seem to be getting...

744
00:52:49,500 --> 00:52:50,700
...pregnant-er these days.

745
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:56,400
Ya know, I set up this
whole private adoption...

746
00:52:57,000 --> 00:53:01,700
...and this married couple in Saint
Cloud are going to be the parents.

747
00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:02,900
Really?

748
00:53:04,100 --> 00:53:05,300
What are they like?

749
00:53:05,700 --> 00:53:08,300
The guy, he's awesome.

750
00:53:09,200 --> 00:53:10,300
His name is Mark and

751
00:53:11,100 --> 00:53:13,600
he likes old horror movies
and he plays the guitar.

752
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:15,700
We actually hung out this afternoon.

753
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:17,600
Is that normal?

754
00:53:18,500 --> 00:53:19,700
Probably not, but...

755
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:24,600
I talked to dad and Bren and they said
they wouldn't narc you out to your folks,

756
00:53:25,700 --> 00:53:26,600
So,

757
00:53:27,300 --> 00:53:28,800
I think we should be cool.

758
00:53:29,700 --> 00:53:30,700
That's a relief.

759
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:38,500
I’m gonna start looking

760
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:40,200
like a pretty big dork soon.

761
00:53:41,900 --> 00:53:44,400
Will you still think
I’m cute when I’m huge?

762
00:53:45,700 --> 00:53:47,200
I always think you’re cute.

763
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:49,200
I think you’re beautiful.

764
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:50,800
Jeez, Bleek.

765
00:53:52,100 --> 00:53:53,100
I do.

766
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:59,800
Hey Junebug, when this is all over
we should get the band back together.

767
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:02,100
Yeah.

768
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:04,200
That would be awesome.

769
00:54:04,600 --> 00:54:06,400
Once Tino gets a new drumhead

770
00:54:06,700 --> 00:54:08,600
we're just, like, ready to rock.

771
00:54:10,100 --> 00:54:12,300
We could always get back together too.

772
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:14,200
That's an option.

773
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:20,400
Were we together?

774
00:54:21,100 --> 00:54:22,200
Yeah, we were once.

775
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:25,500
That time.

776
00:54:32,300 --> 00:54:33,300
What about Katrina De Voort?

777
00:54:34,100 --> 00:54:36,000
You could totally go out
with Katrina De Voort.

778
00:54:36,300 --> 00:54:38,200
I don’t like Katrina.

779
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:39,900
She smells like soup.

780
00:54:40,400 --> 00:54:41,600
Her whole house smells of soup.

781
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:52,000
Okay.

782
00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:56,800
So we have Custard, Cheesecake.

783
00:54:57,900 --> 00:54:58,900
They're yellow.

784
00:55:00,900 --> 00:55:03,000
I wanted to pick something
that was gender-neutral until

785
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:05,200
we get the baby and then we
can add a more decisive palette.

786
00:55:07,100 --> 00:55:10,300
Why does everyone think
yellow is gender-neutral?

787
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:11,700
I don’t know any guy
with a yellow bedroom.

788
00:55:14,700 --> 00:55:16,900
I'm thinking more
Custard with this light.

789
00:55:18,500 --> 00:55:21,100
I don’t know. Maybe I should
paint a larger swatch...

790
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:26,600
Or you could wait a few more months.

791
00:55:27,900 --> 00:55:31,100
It’s not like the baby’s going to storm
in here demanding dessert-colored walls.

792
00:55:36,500 --> 00:55:42,400
"What to Expect" says that readying the baby’s
room is an important process for the woman.

793
00:55:42,900 --> 00:55:45,000
Especially if you're adopting.
It’s called "nesting. "

794
00:55:46,300 --> 00:55:47,300
Nesting?

795
00:55:49,200 --> 00:55:51,300
Are you going to build the
crib out of sticks and spit?

796
00:55:54,500 --> 00:55:58,800
You should read the book. I flagged
the "daddy chapters" for you.

797
00:55:59,100 --> 00:56:00,500
I think it’s too early to paint.

798
00:56:00,900 --> 00:56:02,000
That’s my opinion.

799
00:56:03,400 --> 00:56:04,400
I disagree.

800
00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:10,000
This wall is going to need something.

801
00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:15,500
Our first family photo
right in the middle.

802
00:56:16,700 --> 00:56:17,700
Right up there.

803
00:56:21,300 --> 00:56:22,300
Can you see it?

804
00:56:26,500 --> 00:56:28,800
Yum! This pretzel tastes
like a friggin’ donut!

805
00:56:29,300 --> 00:56:30,300
Share the love, sweetness!

806
00:56:30,700 --> 00:56:31,500
You can't have any.

807
00:56:33,500 --> 00:56:34,500
She's assaulting me!

808
00:56:35,500 --> 00:56:36,700
She’s denying me fresh-baked goodness!

809
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:38,700
Oh, my God.

810
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:41,900
That’s her. That’s Vanessa Loring.

811
00:56:43,300 --> 00:56:44,700
Of the Penny Saver Lorings?

812
00:56:48,500 --> 00:56:50,200
Dude, she's, like, really pretty.

813
00:56:50,500 --> 00:56:52,300
You sound totally shocked or something.

814
00:56:54,200 --> 00:56:56,600
She’s totally gonna steal
that kid for her collection.

815
00:56:57,100 --> 00:56:58,200
Right, seriously.

816
00:57:07,900 --> 00:57:09,000
Boring!

817
00:57:19,200 --> 00:57:23,800
I could so go for a huge cookie right now with like,
a lamb kebab, simultaneously.

818
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:27,400
God, Spermy. Must you always feed?

819
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:30,900
It's like, never-ending for you.

820
00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:33,100
Juno!

821
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:34,200
Hi, Vanessa!

822
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:36,600
What brings you to the mall today?

823
00:57:37,100 --> 00:57:39,300
I was just shopping with my girlfriends.

824
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:41,200
You're gay?

825
00:57:41,500 --> 00:57:42,200
No.

826
00:57:42,500 --> 00:57:43,800
Just ignore her.

827
00:57:44,200 --> 00:57:45,500
Well, how are you feeling?

828
00:57:45,700 --> 00:57:47,600
Great! Everything's stupendous.

829
00:57:47,900 --> 00:57:50,800
Oh, coming in on that snooze button.

830
00:57:53,300 --> 00:57:54,200
That’s incredible.

831
00:57:55,400 --> 00:57:56,400
Oh, God.

832
00:57:57,700 --> 00:57:58,500
What?

833
00:57:58,700 --> 00:58:00,100
Kicking away.

834
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:05,200
Could I feel it?

835
00:58:06,300 --> 00:58:07,400
Are you kidding?

836
00:58:09,700 --> 00:58:13,000
At school everyone's just
grabbing my belly all the time.

837
00:58:13,500 --> 00:58:15,700
I’m a legend.
They call me the Cautionary Whale.

838
00:58:20,300 --> 00:58:21,400
I can’t feel anything.

839
00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:25,800
It’s not moving for me.

840
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:29,700
You should try talking to it.

841
00:58:29,700 --> 00:58:33,400
They can hear you, even though it's
all ten thousand leagues under the sea.

842
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:50,000
Hi, baby.

843
00:58:55,300 --> 00:58:57,400
It’s me. It's Vanessa.

844
00:59:02,400 --> 00:59:04,300
I can’t wait to meet you.

845
00:59:11,700 --> 00:59:13,600
Can you hear me, baby?

846
00:59:15,100 --> 00:59:16,300
Sweet angel?

847
00:59:27,300 --> 00:59:28,800
I felt it!

848
00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:32,300
That was magical.

849
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:38,800
Thank you.

850
00:59:39,300 --> 00:59:40,300
Thank you.

851
01:00:32,900 --> 01:00:33,600
Hello?

852
01:00:34,100 --> 01:00:34,900
Hey!

853
01:00:35,100 --> 01:00:38,900
So, I’ve been listening to that
really weird CD that you made me.

854
01:00:39,300 --> 01:00:40,300
Yeah? What’s the verdict?

855
01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:42,000
Well, it’s cute.

856
01:00:42,600 --> 01:00:43,700
It's cute?

857
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:46,800
When you’re used to listening to the
raw power of Iggy and the Stooges,

858
01:00:47,300 --> 01:00:50,200
everything else just sounds
kind of precious in comparison.

859
01:00:51,200 --> 01:00:53,900
I imagine you have a collection of
punk chestnuts to prove your point.

860
01:00:54,700 --> 01:00:55,500
Well...

861
01:00:56,100 --> 01:00:57,600
...consider it your musical education.

862
01:00:58,700 --> 01:01:00,000
I can't wait to see what
you've got to teach me.

863
01:01:00,900 --> 01:01:02,700
Stop surfing porn and get back to work.

864
01:01:04,100 --> 01:01:05,700
Just wanted to call and say hi.

865
01:01:06,700 --> 01:01:08,100
Go learn something.

866
01:01:10,100 --> 01:01:14,200
- Oh, a little trip down Mexico way.
- And Greece and China apparently.

867
01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:16,400
How many months has it been now?

868
01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:17,800
You're getting huge.

869
01:01:18,400 --> 01:01:21,500
It's homing in on the eight. You
should see how weird I look naked.

870
01:01:22,500 --> 01:01:24,000
I wish my funbags would get bigger.

871
01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:27,300
Trust me, you don’t. I have to
actually wear a friggin' bra now

872
01:01:27,800 --> 01:01:33,400
and rub all this nasty cocoa butter
stuff on myself so my skin won't explode.

873
01:01:33,900 --> 01:01:34,700
Hot!

874
01:01:37,800 --> 01:01:39,300
Why is everyone always staring at me?

875
01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:41,600
Well, you are kind of convex, you know?

876
01:01:43,500 --> 01:01:46,500
Whoah! Who's been doing their
geometry homework for once!

877
01:01:46,800 --> 01:01:50,000
I have no choice. Keith has
been grading me so hard lately.

878
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:52,600
Do not call Mr. Conyers "Keith".

879
01:01:52,900 --> 01:01:55,200
'Cause my barf reflex is
really enheightened these days.

880
01:01:55,900 --> 01:01:56,900
But Keith’s hot.

881
01:02:00,000 --> 01:02:01,700
Eww, he’s all beardy!

882
01:02:03,300 --> 01:02:05,900
Did you hear that Bleek is going
to the prom with Katrina De Voort?

883
01:02:08,300 --> 01:02:09,200
Katrina?

884
01:02:09,800 --> 01:02:11,800
No way, he doesn’t like Katrina.

885
01:02:12,100 --> 01:02:13,500
Must be like a pity date or something.

886
01:02:13,800 --> 01:02:16,200
I heard he asked her and
that the're going to Benihana,

887
01:02:16,200 --> 01:02:18,200
and then prom, and then
Vijay’s parents’ cabin.

888
01:02:19,600 --> 01:02:21,800
He told me that Katrina’s
house smells like soup!

889
01:02:22,100 --> 01:02:23,600
Oh my God, it totally does.

890
01:02:23,900 --> 01:02:27,400
I was there four years ago for her birthday
party and it was like Lipton Landing.

891
01:02:28,500 --> 01:02:30,800
But you know, boys have endured
way worse things for nookie.

892
01:02:32,400 --> 01:02:33,400
Oh, please.

893
01:02:33,700 --> 01:02:35,700
There is no way that they’re having sex,

894
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:37,400
They wouldn't even be holding hands.

895
01:02:37,700 --> 01:02:39,300
I wouldn’t be so sure,
he did it with you.

896
01:02:39,800 --> 01:02:41,500
Yeah, 'cause Bleek trusts me.

897
01:02:42,200 --> 01:02:43,200
We’re best friends.

898
01:02:43,600 --> 01:02:44,800
Are you jealous?

899
01:02:45,300 --> 01:02:48,300
I thought you said you
didn’t care what he did.

900
01:02:48,600 --> 01:02:49,600
Not jealous, don’t care.

901
01:02:49,800 --> 01:02:51,900
I know Bleek doesn’t like
Katrina and he shouldn't

902
01:02:51,900 --> 01:02:54,100
toy with her emotions like
that. She seems pretty nice.

903
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:56,800
Uh-huh, I’m really convinced.

904
01:02:57,200 --> 01:02:58,800
Prom is for wenises, anyway.

905
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:01,100
As soon as you’re old enough
to go, it’s so not cool anymore.

906
01:03:11,400 --> 01:03:13,800
Are you honestly and truly going
to the prom with Katrina De Voort?

907
01:03:15,500 --> 01:03:16,400
Uh, hi?

908
01:03:16,700 --> 01:03:18,800
Leah just said that you
were gonna go with her.

909
01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:21,200
Yeah, I did ask her if she wanted to go.

910
01:03:22,200 --> 01:03:24,500
A bunch of us from the
team are going to Benihana,

911
01:03:24,500 --> 01:03:27,000
then go the prom, then go
to Vijay’s parents’ cabin.

912
01:03:30,300 --> 01:03:32,200
We’re getting a stretch limo.

913
01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:35,100
Your mom must be pretty stoked
that you’re not taking me.

914
01:03:37,300 --> 01:03:38,200
You’re mad. Why are you mad?

915
01:03:39,700 --> 01:03:41,400
I’m not mad. I’m in a great mood.

916
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:44,200
Despite the fact that I’m in
a fat suit I can’t take off,

917
01:03:44,200 --> 01:03:46,500
despite the fact that pretty
much everyone is making

918
01:03:47,100 --> 01:03:49,600
fun of me behind my back,
despite the fact that your

919
01:03:49,600 --> 01:03:52,300
girlfriend gave me the
stinkeye in art class yesterday.

920
01:03:53,200 --> 01:03:56,200
Katrina’s not my girlfriend! And I
doubt that she gave you the stinkeye.

921
01:03:57,500 --> 01:03:58,600
That's just the way her face looks.

922
01:04:02,300 --> 01:04:07,400
Just take Soupy Sales to prom, I can think
of so many cooler things to do that night.

923
01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:11,400
I might pumice my feet or go
to Bren’s Unitarian church,

924
01:04:11,400 --> 01:04:14,800
maybe get hit by a truck
full of hot garbage juice.

925
01:04:15,300 --> 01:04:18,800
All those things would be exponentially
cooler than going to the prom with you.

926
01:04:22,300 --> 01:04:23,500
You’re being really immature.

927
01:04:25,600 --> 01:04:28,900
You have no reason to be mad
at me. You broke my heart.

928
01:04:28,900 --> 01:04:31,200
I should be royally ticked off at you.

929
01:04:31,600 --> 01:04:35,100
I should be really cheesed off. I
shouldn’t want to talk to you anymore.

930
01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:40,600
Why? Because I got bored and had sex with
you, and then I didn’t wanna, like, marry you?

931
01:04:41,000 --> 01:04:44,100
Like I’d marry you! You'd
be the meanest wife ever.

932
01:04:44,300 --> 01:04:45,600
And I know that you
weren’t bored that day

933
01:04:45,800 --> 01:04:47,500
because there was a lot of stuff on TV.

934
01:04:47,500 --> 01:04:50,300
The Blair Witch Project was
coming on Starz, and you were like,

935
01:04:50,600 --> 01:04:56,300
"I haven't seen this since it came out,
but we should make out instead. La la la. "

936
01:04:59,600 --> 01:05:01,700
You just take Katrina the
Douche Packer to the prom.

937
01:05:01,700 --> 01:05:03,600
I’m sure you two will
have a real bitchin’ time!

938
01:05:06,500 --> 01:05:07,600
I still have your underwear.

939
01:05:08,000 --> 01:05:09,400
I still have your virginity!

940
01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:11,200
Would you shut up!

941
01:05:11,700 --> 01:05:13,200
What? Are you ashamed that we did it?

942
01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:15,100
- No.
- 'Cause at least

943
01:05:15,300 --> 01:05:17,400
you don’t have to have the
evidence under your sweater.

944
01:05:19,900 --> 01:05:20,900
I’m a planet!

945
01:05:25,400 --> 01:05:26,600
Wait, let me get your bag.

946
01:05:27,800 --> 01:05:29,000
What’s another ten pounds?

947
01:06:16,100 --> 01:06:17,000
Hi.

948
01:06:17,400 --> 01:06:18,700
Wow. That shirt's working hard.

949
01:06:19,100 --> 01:06:20,000
Is Vanessa here?

950
01:06:20,400 --> 01:06:22,100
No. We are safe.

951
01:06:24,300 --> 01:06:25,900
I'm glad you're here, I
actually have something for you.

952
01:06:30,800 --> 01:06:31,800
Almost there.

953
01:06:35,900 --> 01:06:38,300
Whoah, Mark! Is this the
baby’s room? It’s beautiful!

954
01:06:39,500 --> 01:06:40,300
Hilarious.

955
01:06:40,800 --> 01:06:42,700
This is where I keep all my old comics,

956
01:06:43,500 --> 01:06:44,400
And I want to show you one.

957
01:06:45,400 --> 01:06:46,700
You’re one of those guys?

958
01:06:46,800 --> 01:06:48,000
Take a look.

959
01:06:51,600 --> 01:06:53,200
Most Fruitful Yuki?

960
01:06:54,700 --> 01:06:56,100
Is this a pregnant superhero?

961
01:06:56,700 --> 01:06:57,600
Isn’t that great?

962
01:06:57,900 --> 01:06:59,200
I found it in Japan when
I was there with my band.

963
01:06:59,200 --> 01:06:59,800
It reminds me of you.

964
01:07:00,700 --> 01:07:01,800
Hells, yeah!

965
01:07:02,800 --> 01:07:05,900
This actually makes me
feel way less of a fat dork.

966
01:07:08,000 --> 01:07:09,000
Yuki is a real bad ass.

967
01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:11,300
You should be very proud
being in the same condition.

968
01:07:12,900 --> 01:07:13,600
Thank you.

969
01:07:14,900 --> 01:07:16,000
Oh, how about some tunage?

970
01:07:17,500 --> 01:07:19,100
Alright, don't look, no matter what.

971
01:07:22,100 --> 01:07:24,200
This one is actually kinda slow.

972
01:07:24,200 --> 01:07:28,600
But it’s Mott the Hoople so it’s
still totally rad and hardcore.

973
01:07:34,200 --> 01:07:35,100
I know this one.

974
01:07:35,500 --> 01:07:38,300
- You do?
- Yeah, this song is older than I am.

975
01:07:38,700 --> 01:07:40,500
I danced to this at my senior prom.

976
01:07:42,000 --> 01:07:43,300
Who'd you dance with?

977
01:07:44,100 --> 01:07:45,700
Cynthia Vogel, great dance partner.

978
01:07:45,700 --> 01:07:47,900
She let me put my
hands all over her butt.

979
01:07:48,100 --> 01:07:49,300
- Hot.
- Very hot.

980
01:07:50,900 --> 01:07:53,100
I can just, totally,
picture you dancing,

981
01:07:53,700 --> 01:07:55,300
Like a total dork!

982
01:07:58,500 --> 01:08:01,900
Her hands there,

983
01:08:02,800 --> 01:08:03,900
And my hands down here.

984
01:08:04,700 --> 01:08:06,200
This is how we did it in '88.

985
01:08:06,600 --> 01:08:07,600
Like this?

986
01:08:08,000 --> 01:08:08,900
Just like this.

987
01:08:09,100 --> 01:08:10,500
You’ve never been to a dance before?

988
01:08:10,800 --> 01:08:12,100
Dances are for nerds and squares.

989
01:08:13,600 --> 01:08:14,400
What are you?

990
01:08:15,400 --> 01:08:16,400
I don't know.

991
01:08:18,800 --> 01:08:20,100
I feel like there’s
something between us.

992
01:08:38,100 --> 01:08:39,100
I’m leaving Vanessa.

993
01:08:42,700 --> 01:08:43,400
What?

994
01:08:43,800 --> 01:08:45,500
I’m getting a place in the city.

995
01:08:45,500 --> 01:08:48,100
It’s something I’ve wanted
to do for a long time.

996
01:08:48,400 --> 01:08:49,100
No!

997
01:08:49,900 --> 01:08:50,500
No?

998
01:08:50,900 --> 01:08:52,500
No! You definitely can't do that.

999
01:08:52,700 --> 01:08:53,900
That’s one big, fat sack of no!

1000
01:08:56,300 --> 01:08:57,300
What is the matter?

1001
01:08:58,600 --> 01:09:01,600
You guys are supposed
to take care of this.

1002
01:09:03,200 --> 01:09:05,800
I thought you'd be cool with this.

1003
01:09:06,100 --> 01:09:07,800
I want things to be perfect.

1004
01:09:07,800 --> 01:09:12,200
I don't want them to be shitty and
broken like everyone else’s family.

1005
01:09:14,100 --> 01:09:17,700
Look, I'll have the baby, and
Vanessa is going to be so happy.

1006
01:09:18,600 --> 01:09:20,200
A baby is not going to fix everything.

1007
01:09:20,500 --> 01:09:23,000
Besides, I don’t know if I’m
even ready to be a father.

1008
01:09:23,600 --> 01:09:24,600
But you’re old!

1009
01:09:29,200 --> 01:09:30,200
How do you think of me?

1010
01:09:31,300 --> 01:09:32,600
Why are you over here?

1011
01:09:36,300 --> 01:09:37,400
I...

1012
01:09:38,300 --> 01:09:41,600
I just like being a piece of
furniture in your weird life.

1013
01:09:43,000 --> 01:09:46,600
This is what my life has
become. I got stuff in boxes.

1014
01:09:46,600 --> 01:09:49,500
I'm underground.
That's appealing to you?

1015
01:09:49,900 --> 01:09:51,100
- This is my fault.
- No.

1016
01:09:51,300 --> 01:09:53,100
Is Vanessa mad at you because of me?

1017
01:09:53,700 --> 01:09:55,900
That’s got nothing to do with it.
Vanessa and I aren't in love anymore.

1018
01:09:56,500 --> 01:09:58,200
You were in love when you married her!

1019
01:09:59,000 --> 01:10:01,300
If you're in love once,
you can be in love again.

1020
01:10:01,300 --> 01:10:04,200
My friend Leah has been with the
same guy four different times.

1021
01:10:05,200 --> 01:10:06,400
You’re just not trying hard enough.

1022
01:10:06,700 --> 01:10:07,700
I’m such an idiot. I can’t
believe what an idiot I am.

1023
01:10:07,900 --> 01:10:08,800
No, you know what, Mark.

1024
01:10:09,300 --> 01:10:11,500
Do not divorce your wife!

1025
01:10:12,800 --> 01:10:16,000
Will you please just do me a
solid and stay with Vanessa?

1026
01:10:18,500 --> 01:10:19,300
You’re so young.

1027
01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:21,400
I'm not that young.
I’m sixteen.

1028
01:10:21,400 --> 01:10:24,400
I’m old enough to know when
someone's acting like a total a-hole!

1029
01:10:25,500 --> 01:10:26,500
Oh, and you know what,

1030
01:10:27,600 --> 01:10:30,900
I bought another Sonic Youth album
and it sucks! It’s just noise!

1031
01:10:36,900 --> 01:10:38,100
Juno? What’s going on?

1032
01:10:39,700 --> 01:10:40,400
Nothing.

1033
01:10:41,500 --> 01:10:42,200
Why are you crying?

1034
01:10:43,300 --> 01:10:46,100
I’m not crying. I’m just
allergic to fine home furnishings.

1035
01:10:47,800 --> 01:10:48,600
What’s the matter?

1036
01:10:49,300 --> 01:10:50,400
What’s the matter?

1037
01:10:51,100 --> 01:10:53,600
She’s just a little
hormonal. Right, Juno?

1038
01:10:53,600 --> 01:10:55,200
It’s part of the process.

1039
01:10:59,600 --> 01:11:00,600
What did you do?

1040
01:11:03,100 --> 01:11:04,000
I didn’t do anything...

1041
01:11:06,100 --> 01:11:07,000
Just...

1042
01:11:11,700 --> 01:11:12,600
I’ve been thinking.

1043
01:11:13,600 --> 01:11:16,300
- What?
- Just thinking if this is the right thing.

1044
01:11:18,300 --> 01:11:19,200
What are you talking about?

1045
01:11:21,400 --> 01:11:22,300
Just wondering if it's,

1046
01:11:23,400 --> 01:11:24,200
Just wondering if we're ready.

1047
01:11:25,800 --> 01:11:26,900
Yeah, we're ready.

1048
01:11:27,300 --> 01:11:30,300
We’re ready. We've read the
books, we’ve taken all the classes.

1049
01:11:30,300 --> 01:11:32,200
We have a nursery that is completely...

1050
01:11:32,700 --> 01:11:38,000
Vanessa, I know we’re prepared.
I'm just wondering if... I’m ready.

1051
01:11:43,400 --> 01:11:44,200
Wait a minute.

1052
01:11:44,700 --> 01:11:47,800
Juno, don’t listen to him.
He's just got cold feet.

1053
01:11:48,300 --> 01:11:49,400
He's just being a guy.

1054
01:11:49,700 --> 01:11:51,000
The books all say the same thing.

1055
01:11:51,000 --> 01:11:53,000
A woman becomes a mother
when she gets pregnant.

1056
01:11:53,400 --> 01:11:55,600
A man becomes a father
when he sees his baby.

1057
01:11:57,100 --> 01:11:59,600
He’s going to get there.

1058
01:12:00,100 --> 01:12:00,900
It just happened so fast.

1059
01:12:00,900 --> 01:12:04,000
We put the ad in the paper and I thought
it was gonna take months if at all and then,

1060
01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:06,800
Two weeks later, she’s on that couch.

1061
01:12:07,300 --> 01:12:08,400
She answered our prayers.

1062
01:12:08,700 --> 01:12:11,500
Ever since then it’s
been like a ticking clock.

1063
01:12:15,400 --> 01:12:16,900
What are you saying?

1064
01:12:20,000 --> 01:12:21,600
That it feels a little like bad timing.

1065
01:12:25,200 --> 01:12:27,200
What would be a good time for you, Mark?

1066
01:12:29,400 --> 01:12:31,100
There’s just some things
that I still want to do.

1067
01:12:32,300 --> 01:12:33,500
Like what? Be a rock star?

1068
01:12:35,000 --> 01:12:35,800
Don’t mock me.

1069
01:12:37,700 --> 01:12:38,700
I'm just saying that this is,

1070
01:12:40,100 --> 01:12:41,400
This is something that's
never going to happen.

1071
01:12:46,300 --> 01:12:47,200
Your shirt is stupid.

1072
01:12:49,000 --> 01:12:49,800
Grow up.

1073
01:12:50,600 --> 01:12:52,700
If I have to wait for
you to become Kurt Cobain,

1074
01:12:52,700 --> 01:12:54,100
I’m never going to be a mother.

1075
01:12:58,700 --> 01:12:59,900
I never said I’d be a good father.

1076
01:15:56,400 --> 01:16:00,000
I called Gerta Rauss and she said
that she can represent both of us.

1077
01:16:00,000 --> 01:16:02,100
It's called a "collaborative divorce. "

1078
01:16:03,700 --> 01:16:05,100
It’s all the rage right now, supposedly.

1079
01:16:06,200 --> 01:16:07,800
And it would be pretty easy
because we don’t have any children.

1080
01:16:08,800 --> 01:16:10,000
Thanks for making the call, I guess.

1081
01:16:18,200 --> 01:16:19,300
Have you found a place to stay yet?

1082
01:16:20,200 --> 01:16:22,800
- Yeah, downtown.
- A hotel?

1083
01:16:23,200 --> 01:16:25,300
No, it's not a hotel. It’s a loft.

1084
01:16:26,400 --> 01:16:27,500
Aren’t you the cool guy?

1085
01:16:33,700 --> 01:16:34,900
I wanted a baby so bad.

1086
01:16:36,400 --> 01:16:37,500
I know.

1087
01:16:57,700 --> 01:16:59,500
- It looks like a bill from
Jiffy-Lube. - It’s for me.

1088
01:17:42,300 --> 01:17:44,400
I never realize how much
I like being home unless

1089
01:17:44,400 --> 01:17:46,600
I’ve been somewhere really
different for a while.

1090
01:17:55,900 --> 01:17:56,800
Hey, Dad.

1091
01:17:57,100 --> 01:17:58,400
Hey, big puffy version of Junebug.

1092
01:18:00,000 --> 01:18:00,800
Where have you been?

1093
01:18:01,100 --> 01:18:04,300
Dealing with things way
beyond my maturity level.

1094
01:18:07,800 --> 01:18:08,800
Where is everybody?

1095
01:18:09,500 --> 01:18:12,100
Bren took Liberty Bell to
her tot ice skating class.

1096
01:18:13,600 --> 01:18:16,000
When will you guys learn
that tots can’t ice skate?

1097
01:18:18,100 --> 01:18:19,400
You're looking a little morose, honey.

1098
01:18:20,300 --> 01:18:21,200
What’s eating you?

1099
01:18:29,900 --> 01:18:32,100
I’m just, like, losing
my faith with humanity.

1100
01:18:33,300 --> 01:18:34,700
Can you narrow that down for me?

1101
01:18:36,600 --> 01:18:37,400
I just...

1102
01:18:37,800 --> 01:18:38,700
...wonder if...

1103
01:18:40,400 --> 01:18:42,400
...two people can
stay together for good.

1104
01:18:44,000 --> 01:18:44,900
You mean like couples?

1105
01:18:45,300 --> 01:18:46,100
Yeah, like,

1106
01:18:46,500 --> 01:18:47,600
People in love.

1107
01:18:49,200 --> 01:18:51,400
Are you having boy trouble
'cause I gotta be honest;

1108
01:18:51,400 --> 01:18:53,800
I don’t really much approve of
you dating in your condition,

1109
01:18:54,800 --> 01:18:56,200
That’s kind of messed up.

1110
01:18:56,300 --> 01:18:57,100
No, dad!

1111
01:18:57,800 --> 01:18:58,700
I mean, that’s pretty skanky.

1112
01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:00,900
Isn’t that what you girls
call it? Skanky? Skeevy?

1113
01:19:01,000 --> 01:19:02,200
Please stop.

1114
01:19:02,600 --> 01:19:03,400
Tore up from the floor up?

1115
01:19:03,800 --> 01:19:05,800
That's not what it's about.

1116
01:19:10,000 --> 01:19:16,400
I just need to know that it’s possible that
two people can stay happy together forever.

1117
01:19:18,000 --> 01:19:19,300
It’s not easy, that’s for sure.

1118
01:19:20,600 --> 01:19:23,800
I don't have the best track
record in the world, I know, but,

1119
01:19:25,100 --> 01:19:26,900
I've been with your
stepmother for ten years now,

1120
01:19:28,000 --> 01:19:29,300
and I’m proud to say
that we’re very happy.

1121
01:19:31,700 --> 01:19:32,600
Look...

1122
01:19:33,900 --> 01:19:34,900
...In my opinion...

1123
01:19:35,700 --> 01:19:41,400
The best thing you can do is find a person
who loves you for exactly what you are.

1124
01:19:43,300 --> 01:19:46,100
Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty,

1125
01:19:47,000 --> 01:19:48,500
Handsome, what have you,

1126
01:19:50,300 --> 01:19:52,600
the right person is still gonna
think the sun shines out of your ass.

1127
01:19:56,600 --> 01:19:58,000
That’s the kind of person
that’s worth sticking with.

1128
01:19:59,600 --> 01:20:00,200
Yeah.

1129
01:20:04,600 --> 01:20:06,300
I think I've found that person.

1130
01:20:07,400 --> 01:20:08,800
Yeah, sure you
have. Your old D-A-D!

1131
01:20:10,700 --> 01:20:13,900
You know I’ll always be there to love you, support
you, no matter what kind of pickle you’re in.

1132
01:20:15,800 --> 01:20:16,800
Obviously.

1133
01:20:22,100 --> 01:20:23,000
Dad, I think i'm just gonna,

1134
01:20:24,100 --> 01:20:25,500
shove out for a sec, but,

1135
01:20:26,200 --> 01:20:27,500
I won't be home late.

1136
01:20:28,100 --> 01:20:28,900
Okay.

1137
01:20:30,300 --> 01:20:31,400
You were talking about me, right?

1138
01:20:32,700 --> 01:20:33,400
Oh, yeah.

1139
01:21:29,900 --> 01:21:31,000
Hi.

1140
01:21:33,400 --> 01:21:35,900
Did you put like a hundred
things of tic tacs in my mailbox?

1141
01:21:36,600 --> 01:21:37,900
Oh, yeah, that was me.

1142
01:21:39,200 --> 01:21:40,100
Why?

1143
01:21:40,400 --> 01:21:41,900
They’re your fave.

1144
01:21:42,600 --> 01:21:45,500
You can never have too many of your
favorite one-calorie breath mint.

1145
01:21:46,400 --> 01:21:48,300
Yeah, well thanks, I...

1146
01:21:48,600 --> 01:21:51,500
...I think I’m pretty much set
until college on the tic tac front.

1147
01:21:52,800 --> 01:21:54,000
You know, Bleek, I was thinking.

1148
01:21:54,600 --> 01:21:58,300
I’m sorry I was such a huge bitch
to you. You don't deserve it.

1149
01:21:59,600 --> 01:22:01,700
It’s okay.

1150
01:22:03,400 --> 01:22:04,400
Also,

1151
01:22:06,800 --> 01:22:07,800
I think I’m in love with you.

1152
01:22:10,600 --> 01:22:11,800
What, you mean as friends?

1153
01:22:12,600 --> 01:22:13,400
No.

1154
01:22:14,400 --> 01:22:15,600
I mean, for real.

1155
01:22:16,500 --> 01:22:19,900
Because you're, like, the
coolest person I’ve ever met.

1156
01:22:20,500 --> 01:22:22,400
And you don’t even have to try.

1157
01:22:25,000 --> 01:22:26,300
I try really hard, actually.

1158
01:22:26,700 --> 01:22:28,100
You’re, like, naturally smart.

1159
01:22:29,300 --> 01:22:30,400
You're not like everyone else.

1160
01:22:31,100 --> 01:22:33,500
You don't stare at my stomach
all the time, you look at my face.

1161
01:22:34,200 --> 01:22:39,800
And every time I see you, the
baby starts kicking super hard.

1162
01:22:40,900 --> 01:22:42,000
It does?

1163
01:22:54,700 --> 01:22:57,200
I think it’s because my heart
starts pounding everytime I see you.

1164
01:22:58,700 --> 01:22:59,600
Mine too.

1165
01:23:02,500 --> 01:23:04,200
That’s all I could ask for.

1166
01:23:07,700 --> 01:23:08,800
You’re golden, man.

1167
01:23:12,100 --> 01:23:13,700
Can we make out now?

1168
01:23:15,100 --> 01:23:16,300
Yeah.

1169
01:23:28,700 --> 01:23:32,300
You know, you can go into early
labor sucking face like that!

1170
01:23:56,500 --> 01:23:57,500
Dad!

1171
01:23:58,600 --> 01:23:59,400
What?

1172
01:24:00,300 --> 01:24:02,200
Dad, either I just peed my pants or...

1173
01:24:04,000 --> 01:24:04,900
Or?

1174
01:24:06,000 --> 01:24:07,700
Thundercats are go!

1175
01:24:08,000 --> 01:24:08,800
All out, all out!

1176
01:24:10,000 --> 01:24:11,000
Do you have the admittance form?

1177
01:24:11,300 --> 01:24:12,800
What about the parking stickers?

1178
01:24:13,000 --> 01:24:14,100
Have you got Liberty Bell?

1179
01:24:14,300 --> 01:24:16,300
Oh, sweetie, sweetie!

1180
01:24:20,200 --> 01:24:21,000
Here we go.

1181
01:24:24,400 --> 01:24:25,700
Hurry! Start the car, go!

1182
01:24:26,300 --> 01:24:27,600
Gas!

1183
01:24:32,000 --> 01:24:34,300
- Wait, wait!
- Out of the way!

1184
01:24:38,100 --> 01:24:39,400
- Don't do that.
- What?

1185
01:24:39,800 --> 01:24:41,300
- That.
- But it's fun!

1186
01:24:44,000 --> 01:24:45,800
Bren, when do I get that
friggin' Spinal Tap thing?

1187
01:24:46,600 --> 01:24:49,100
It’s called a spinal block, and
you can’t have it yet, honey.

1188
01:24:49,100 --> 01:24:51,000
The doctor said you’re
not dilated enough.

1189
01:24:51,400 --> 01:24:54,100
Come on! I have to wait
for it to get worse?

1190
01:24:54,100 --> 01:24:56,800
Why can’t I just have
the friggin' thing now?

1191
01:24:57,400 --> 01:25:01,000
Honey, doctors are sadists who like to
play God and watch lesser people scream.

1192
01:25:02,300 --> 01:25:03,100
Oh, shit.

1193
01:25:03,800 --> 01:25:07,200
Excuse me! Can we give my kid
the damn spinal tap already?

1194
01:25:36,900 --> 01:25:37,800
And then...

1195
01:25:38,700 --> 01:25:40,100
...out of nowhere...

1196
01:25:41,300 --> 01:25:42,100
...there it was...

1197
01:25:43,800 --> 01:25:45,000
There he was.

1198
01:25:52,100 --> 01:25:54,400
I decided not to call Bleeker to
tell him that I was having the baby.

1199
01:25:55,100 --> 01:25:59,200
He had a big meet against Manteno and I
didn’t want him to get all worried about me.

1200
01:26:04,900 --> 01:26:06,000
But he figured it out anyway.

1201
01:26:24,000 --> 01:26:25,700
Someday you’ll be back here, honey.

1202
01:26:28,400 --> 01:26:29,500
On your terms.

1203
01:26:42,000 --> 01:26:43,000
Hey.

1204
01:26:43,800 --> 01:26:45,800
Nice legs.

1205
01:27:27,600 --> 01:27:29,200
Bleeker decided he didn’t
want to see the baby.

1206
01:27:31,200 --> 01:27:34,100
Neither did I, really.
He didn’t feel like ours.

1207
01:27:41,700 --> 01:27:43,300
I think he was always hers.

1208
01:27:48,100 --> 01:27:49,500
Would you like to meet your son?

1209
01:27:51,800 --> 01:27:53,800
I have a son?

1210
01:28:21,900 --> 01:28:22,700
How do I look?

1211
01:28:24,500 --> 01:28:25,400
Like a new mom.

1212
01:28:26,200 --> 01:28:27,400
Scared shitless.

1213
01:28:53,500 --> 01:28:55,000
It ended with a chair.

1214
01:29:51,500 --> 01:29:57,200
As boyfriends go, Paulie Bleeker is totally
boss. He is the cheese to my macaroni.

1215
01:29:59,600 --> 01:30:02,300
I know people are supposed to fall
in love before they reproduce, but,

1216
01:30:03,500 --> 01:30:05,100
I guess normalcy’s not really our style.

1217
01:30:12,300 --> 01:30:13,000
Hey.

1218
01:30:13,500 --> 01:30:14,700
Hey.

1219
01:30:19,600 --> 01:30:20,400
Ready?

1220
01:30:20,800 --> 01:30:22,000
Yeah.