1 00:00:00,815 --> 00:00:02,442 Max, do you read...? 2 00:00:02,617 --> 00:00:03,879 99! 3 00:00:04,052 --> 00:00:05,883 What happened to your radio? 4 00:00:06,054 --> 00:00:09,046 I swallowed it. I can get it back, but you may not want it. 5 00:00:09,223 --> 00:00:11,047 - Good Lord. - Listen... 6 00:00:11,225 --> 00:00:13,756 ...l've placed charges at points all over the building. 7 00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:18,846 What? Max, you can't blow up a building full of radioactive material! 8 00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:22,922 I know that, 99. I've placed only enough charges to safely bury the weapons lab. 9 00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:25,152 Max, that's brilliant. 10 00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:29,126 Wow. That's maybe the nicest thing you've ever said to me. 11 00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,257 [GUNFIRE] 12 00:00:34,769 --> 00:00:36,600 [BEEPING] 13 00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:54,514 [GROANING] 14 00:00:57,525 --> 00:01:01,461 - I don't get it, I thought he was dead! - I will say this, he is not a quitter. 15 00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:20,470 This is just ridiculous! 16 00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:27,711 99! 17 00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:29,014 Wake up, 99. 18 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,351 Maybe you should kiss him again. 19 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,122 [IN PUNJABI] 20 00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:37,594 Wait, I know that voice. The chatter! Dalip. 21 00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:39,493 [IN PUNJABI] 22 00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:43,062 [YELLS] 23 00:01:45,373 --> 00:01:46,567 Ow! That was me! 24 00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,502 - Max? - I'm... Yep, still fighting. 25 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:16,059 Now, Dalip, I can prove that I know you. Your favorite dish is chicken tikka! 26 00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:19,863 Like me, you enjoy American Top 40 with Ryan Seacrest. 27 00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:33,911 [GROANS] 28 00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:35,818 Ow. 29 00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:48,729 Wait, wait, Dalip, there's something else that I know. 30 00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:50,063 Max. Max. 31 00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:53,968 Your marriage is in trouble. Your darling wife, Zeenat, is leaving you. 32 00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,770 But there is still hope. 33 00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:58,411 Do you love her? 34 00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:07,485 - Wha...? - Then show her. Go home for lunch. 35 00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:10,215 Take her with you the next time you go to kill someone. 36 00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,216 She just wants to be with you... 37 00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:14,657 ...and that means less time with her sister... 38 00:03:14,829 --> 00:03:17,525 ...who we both know is undermining your relationship. 39 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,799 Kick the gun to me. 40 00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,526 99, please. 41 00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:24,828 Big people feel pain too. 42 00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,315 What are you doing? 43 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,520 Oh, no. Oh, no. 44 00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:43,316 Max! 45 00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:50,323 Okay. Okay. That's all right. That's okay. 46 00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:52,261 [DALIP SOBBING] 47 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:55,596 Her sister's such a bitch. 48 00:04:03,144 --> 00:04:05,442 - You all right? - Yeah. That was amazing. 49 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,112 Thank you. 50 00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:11,741 We gotta go. 51 00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:21,318 99. 52 00:04:28,169 --> 00:04:30,865 - What was that? - I cramped up. 53 00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:34,864 Come on. Come here. 54 00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:36,903 Good idea. 55 00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:40,808 We will climb up with you, and we'll all go... together. 56 00:04:45,219 --> 00:04:47,153 [IN RUSSIAN] 57 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,122 MAX: He left us here. 58 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,086 What a douche. 59 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:14,713 Missed it by that much. 60 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:21,454 Well, that's convenient. Shoot them. 61 00:05:29,964 --> 00:05:32,262 Whatever you do, 99, don't look down! 62 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:36,062 I'm gonna try to get us over to that ledge! We can do this, 99! 63 00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:38,462 Max. 64 00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:40,130 Right. 65 00:05:44,979 --> 00:05:46,207 AGENT 99: Thanks, Chief. 66 00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:48,338 Okay, no problem. 67 00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:51,348 The Chief is thrilled. He sent 23 out to observe the cleanup. 68 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:52,542 Great. 69 00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:58,020 Listen, is it possible that you could answer a personal question? 70 00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:00,023 It's possible. 71 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,954 Why did you change your looks? 72 00:06:04,098 --> 00:06:07,727 Oh. Um... That's not really a personal question. 73 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:11,527 Things from my non-work sphere spilled into my work sphere. 74 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:15,641 Facts became known, identities were compromised, and I became a brunette. 75 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:18,869 Wow. That is a great story... 76 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:22,447 ...in which you revealed absolutely nothing about yourself. 77 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,515 I blew a mission. 78 00:06:31,292 --> 00:06:35,956 I was involved with someone from work. I lost focus. The mission blew up. 79 00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:40,590 I broke it off with that person, but my identity had already been revealed. 80 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:42,326 So I had two choices. 81 00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:45,199 I could either spend the rest of my life behind a desk... 82 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:48,041 ...which would be like eight hours a day... 83 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,904 ...of scraping a cheese grater against my forehead. 84 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,909 - Oh, you know. - Yes. 85 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,708 Or I could change my face, so that's what I did. 86 00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:03,216 And it was painful, but it needed to be done, and s... 87 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:10,960 - I don't wanna talk about this anymore. - Okay. 88 00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:16,699 I used to look like my mom. 89 00:07:22,076 --> 00:07:25,068 I used to look like two of my moms put together. 90 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:06,150 Sir, if I may ask... 91 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,481 ...how did you choose the target? 92 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:11,021 - Why Los Angeles? - Major city... 93 00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,056 ...lots of media attention... 94 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,121 ...and the president will be there. 95 00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:18,894 Still, it's too bad about all the dead movie stars. 96 00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,363 Yes. 97 00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:24,903 What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice? 98 00:08:29,410 --> 00:08:32,504 Oh, my God, have you eaten the crew? 99 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,573 Oh, look, it understands. 100 00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,410 Get back to work. 101 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:57,831 AGENT 99: No, that's not possible. No, no, no. Max said that... 102 00:09:00,274 --> 00:09:01,434 No. 103 00:09:05,179 --> 00:09:07,113 That doesn't make any sense. 104 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,817 Yellowcake uranium, warheads, an entire production line. 105 00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,954 There's nothing here but what used to be a bakery. 106 00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:17,682 There are no weapons? No radioactivity of any kind? 107 00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:20,622 Nothing. I've swept the entire area, and it's clean. 108 00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:23,991 - But Max said that he s... - Did you see the evidence yourself? 109 00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:25,829 No. 110 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:29,031 No, every time he found something, he was alone. 111 00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,039 What do you want me to do with Max? 112 00:09:37,211 --> 00:09:38,701 - Do with Max? - Max? 113 00:09:41,315 --> 00:09:43,806 You were right when you said I shouldn't trust you. 114 00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:46,846 Give me the phone. 115 00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:53,626 And who might this be? Siegfried? 116 00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:54,954 Hello, Max. 117 00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:56,152 Chief? 118 00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,362 Knockout gas, 99? 119 00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:03,901 Please. I have trained my body to be impervious to... 120 00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,402 That's new stuff. 121 00:10:08,342 --> 00:10:09,866 Oh, Max. 122 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,309 CHIEF: I'm very disappointed, Max. 123 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:22,387 I thought you and I were supposedly cut from the same cloth. 124 00:10:22,556 --> 00:10:24,751 How can you think that I am a double agent? 125 00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:27,393 You lied about finding evidence of radioactivity. 126 00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:29,859 Killed Krstic before anybody could question him. 127 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:33,227 There's a matter of your stoving my head in with a fire extinguisher. 128 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:37,701 I said I was sorry. You just didn't hear me, because you were in a mini coma. 129 00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:39,566 You've made CONTROL a laughingstock. 130 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:42,538 The vice president wants to shut us down, you know. 131 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,336 99. 132 00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,639 This whole week... 133 00:10:49,283 --> 00:10:50,545 ...last night... 134 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:52,679 ...you know me. 135 00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:54,286 Apparently not. 136 00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:56,282 Oh, my God! 137 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,549 You two? You and Max? 138 00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:01,421 You said we had to break up because we work together. 139 00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:02,789 Oh, my God! You and 23? 140 00:11:03,397 --> 00:11:05,865 I am so sexually threatened right now. 141 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,169 [LINE RINGING] 142 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,828 MAN [ON RECORDING]: You have reached... 143 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,871 ... the United States Department of Homeland Security. 144 00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:17,510 For threats against the continental United States, press 1. 145 00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:20,442 For threats against Hawaii, press 2. For threats against Puerto Rico... 146 00:11:20,614 --> 00:11:21,945 [SHTARKER BREATHING NOISILY] 147 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:25,551 You know, you're the only human being I know who snores when he's awake? 148 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,346 If you're calling from a rotary... 149 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:30,115 Okay, today's threat assessment. 150 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:34,784 - There are 72 threats on the list. Mike? - Thank you, Mr. Vice President. 151 00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:38,227 Okay, we have a deteriorating situation in Venezuela. 152 00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,958 We have a deteriorating situation in Afghanistan. 153 00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,830 What about the deteriorating situation in North Korea? 154 00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:45,869 - I was getting to that. - When? Next week? 155 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,371 Yes, next Tuesday, right after I kick your ass. 156 00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:52,774 Gentlemen, when we argue, the terrorists win. 157 00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:59,013 Anyway, last night at a private dinner... 158 00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:02,883 ...President Kim Jong-il made a very odd threat to, and I quote: 159 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,650 "Make a pudding from the bones of Americans." 160 00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:07,657 That guy's insane. 161 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:11,855 Doesn't he know bones are crunchy? Who'd want a crunchy pudding? 162 00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:13,727 [PHONE RINGS] 163 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:14,924 War room. 164 00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:19,095 Finally. My name is Siegfried, and I represent KAOS. 165 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:23,470 Over the past few months, we have assembled a stockpile of nuclear weapons... 166 00:12:23,644 --> 00:12:28,547 ... which we have distributed to 20 unfriendly, unstable dictators. 167 00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:32,581 For the moment, KAOS retains the bomb activation codes... 168 00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:36,655 ...but we will release the codes unless our demands are met. 169 00:12:36,823 --> 00:12:37,881 What are your demands? 170 00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:40,117 200 billion dollars by 3 p.m. 171 00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:42,818 200 billion dollars by 3 p. m? 172 00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,395 You seem a bit slow. 173 00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:47,761 - Is there someone else I can talk to? - Good one. 174 00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:51,065 Look, Siegfried, we don't negotiate with terrorists... 175 00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:53,570 ...and you're obviously bluffing. Take a hike. 176 00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,367 CHIEF: What? Are you kidding me? 177 00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:59,171 You spent the morning talking about pudding, and you ignore a credible threat? 178 00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:01,814 Credible? Come on. KAOS has been defunct for 20 years. 179 00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:04,507 CHIEF: With all due respect, the CIA knows nothing about KAOS. 180 00:13:04,685 --> 00:13:07,119 CONTROL has to be in charge here. 181 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:10,279 - Like when you bombed that bakery? - Muffins of mass destruction. 182 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,981 [MEN LAUGHING] 183 00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:14,320 That's it! I've been waiting for this since Nixon. 184 00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:17,725 - Here we go. - I got a new pacemaker, I can go all day! 185 00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,957 - Okay! - Okay! Come on! 186 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,864 It seems like they don't believe you. 187 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:30,774 Which is why we've arranged for a little demonstration. 188 00:14:18,759 --> 00:14:20,556 Chief, you wanted to see me? 189 00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:24,128 Yes. You and 23 are coming with me to see the president. 190 00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:27,027 - Can't you call him? - Vice president won't let me through. 191 00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:30,267 I can't believe we have to go all the way to Los Angeles. 192 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,268 Why is the president never here? 193 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,999 I'm sure whatever he's doing is vital to the nation. 194 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,240 "Good night, moon. 195 00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:40,946 Good night, cow jumping over the moon." 196 00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:45,247 Actually, I think you would suck as my teacher. 197 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,909 Well, from wh... 198 00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:51,585 Hey, Smart. Happy birthday. 199 00:14:58,832 --> 00:15:00,595 I'm fat! 200 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:09,200 [BEEPING] 201 00:15:10,544 --> 00:15:11,977 Gentlemen. 202 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,045 Oh. Good, the itchy kind. 203 00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:18,309 My favorite. 204 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,282 Does this one also have smallpox? 205 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,284 [CLINKING] 206 00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,583 And that was a human tooth. 207 00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:29,456 MAN 1 [OVER RADIO]: American Top 40. WOMAN: With Ryan Seacrest. 208 00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:32,462 MAN 2: Here's a sweet dedication from a little lady named Dalip. 209 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,099 It's to her boyfriend, Max. 210 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:38,795 "Meet me in L.A. Things will be very hot. Nuclear hot. " 211 00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:42,339 I don't know, if I were Max, I would get myself to L.A. 212 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:45,535 [MADONNA'S "4 MINUTES" PLAYS ON RADIO] 213 00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:54,518 Hey! Dumb guards! 214 00:15:54,688 --> 00:15:58,920 Why don't you come in here so I can make you my pretty little girlfriends. 215 00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:00,559 You'll have to shower for weeks! 216 00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:02,524 [BEEPING] 217 00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,559 But you will never get the smell off... 218 00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:06,961 You two seem very angry. 219 00:16:08,702 --> 00:16:10,829 Thank you, sir, may I have another? 220 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,730 I was kidding. 221 00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:26,444 9-4-3-6-8. 222 00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:29,886 [BEEPING] 223 00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:32,991 9-4-3-6-8. 224 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,717 [DOOR CLICKS] 225 00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:51,806 BRUCE: Turn around slowly. 226 00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:57,313 Guys, you have to believe me. I am not a double agent. 227 00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,975 - We never thought you were. - Yeah, we love you, man. 228 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,917 Then what's with the firearm and the freak-show expressions? 229 00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:04,488 For the security cameras. 230 00:17:04,658 --> 00:17:07,923 If it looks like we let you go, we'd totally get fired. 231 00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:09,152 Got it. 232 00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,265 So where are the Chief and 99? 233 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,401 They flew to L.A. to talk to the president. 234 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,968 I need to get out of here before someone stops me. 235 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:19,730 - Overpower us. - Good idea. 236 00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:21,567 Bruce, I will smash you in the face. 237 00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:24,335 - Thank you. - Lloyd, I'll simulate your disembowelment. 238 00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:26,035 Ready? One... 239 00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,612 Not yet! I haven't punched yet. React when I punch. 240 00:17:28,782 --> 00:17:30,147 - Oh, yeah. - One... 241 00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:32,080 ...two, three. 242 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,147 - Wrong way. - Okay, wait. 243 00:17:35,322 --> 00:17:37,790 - Sometimes I faint. - I'm not going to hit you. 244 00:17:37,958 --> 00:17:41,553 No, but when I see blood, or when I talk about blood, or think about blood... 245 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,390 There will be no blood. Hang in there. Hang in, buddy. 246 00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:17,358 [ENGINE SPUTTERING] 247 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,372 What are you doing, dummkopf? 248 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:37,312 Running out in the middle of the road! You could get hit by a car! 249 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:40,309 Well, that was ironic. 250 00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,091 PRESIDENT: Chief, I'm not buying it. 251 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:59,261 With all our satellites, there's no way anybody could possibly... 252 00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,703 ...have nuclear bombs that we wouldn't know about. 253 00:19:01,875 --> 00:19:03,274 "Nuclear!" 254 00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,234 - What's that? - Sorry. 255 00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:08,745 AGENT 99: Mr. President, if I could just please show you some data, you'd agree... 256 00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,439 Well, just back up here a second. 257 00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,608 First thing I'd like to know is... 258 00:19:12,786 --> 00:19:14,947 ...what did the vice president say about this? 259 00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:18,852 I'm afraid the vice president and I had a less-than-cordial encounter yesterday. 260 00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:20,788 - Less-than-cordial, you say? - Yes, sir. 261 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:21,984 I'll say. 262 00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:26,059 The chairman of joint chiefs sent me this little movie. 263 00:19:26,232 --> 00:19:27,893 Put it right here on my cell phone. 264 00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:30,059 Let me share this with you. This is my favorite part. 265 00:19:30,236 --> 00:19:32,727 VICE PRESIDENT [ON VIDEO]: I got a new pacemaker, I can go all day! 266 00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:34,430 [GROANING & CLATTERING ON VIDEO] 267 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:35,801 Oh, Chief. 268 00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,135 Very sweet tackle. 269 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,801 Look. Look at the surprise on his face. 270 00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:42,311 I probably owe you an apology for that, sir. 271 00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:44,074 No. Please, just save your breath. 272 00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:46,514 But I have to agree with that son of a bitch. 273 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:49,018 We cannot respond to every threat. 274 00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,823 Case closed. 275 00:20:11,945 --> 00:20:14,004 [PHONE RINGS] 276 00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:16,439 Max? 277 00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:17,742 MAX [OVER PHONE]: Hello, 99. 278 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,748 Trace 99's call, now! 279 00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:21,784 - Where are you? - That's not important. 280 00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:25,857 What is important is that KAOS has planted a bomb somewhere in Los Angeles. 281 00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:27,993 We got him. He's still in Washington. 282 00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:31,426 Listen, while I was in my cell, I had some time to think. 283 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:38,629 I realized that even though I was accused of something I didn't do, I was happy. 284 00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:43,941 Because at least for a little while, I got to live my dream of being an agent. 285 00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,707 And I got to be with you. 286 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,713 I learned that you have a mean right cross... 287 00:20:49,883 --> 00:20:53,080 ... you are almost as good a dancer as me... 288 00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:56,484 - ... and you used to look like your mom. - Max. 289 00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:59,989 Please, 99. All I'm asking is for you to look me in the eyes... 290 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,754 ... and tell me that you don't feel something too. 291 00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:04,690 MAN: Freeze! 292 00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:08,630 Oh, Max. How could I look in your eyes? 293 00:21:10,003 --> 00:21:11,265 Just turn around. 294 00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:20,669 Why are you talking into your shoe? 295 00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:24,248 The old "call forwarding from the shoe phone to the cell phone... 296 00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:27,750 ...so you don't know where I am, then I appear on the roof behind you... 297 00:21:27,921 --> 00:21:29,912 ...and surprise everyone" trick. 298 00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:31,954 - Don't move. - What are you doing? 299 00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:33,149 How did you get here? 300 00:21:34,294 --> 00:21:36,159 [VOMITING] 301 00:21:36,329 --> 00:21:38,422 Do you have another one of these? 302 00:21:42,235 --> 00:21:43,259 It doesn't matter. 303 00:21:43,436 --> 00:21:46,405 What matters is that there is a bomb, and I'm here to find it. 304 00:21:46,573 --> 00:21:48,734 - How do you know this? - I'd rather not say. 305 00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:50,899 CHIEF: Max, there are millions of lives at stake. 306 00:21:51,077 --> 00:21:54,274 If you have credible information from a reliable source... 307 00:21:54,447 --> 00:21:56,642 ...I wanna know it, and I wanna know it now. 308 00:21:57,717 --> 00:22:00,584 I heard it from America's sweetheart, Ryan Seacrest. 309 00:22:00,753 --> 00:22:02,084 - Whoa. AGENT 23: Come on. 310 00:22:02,255 --> 00:22:03,847 It was a coded message. 311 00:22:04,023 --> 00:22:07,390 CHIEF: Max, we're running out of time here. What are you talking about? 312 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:11,394 I received a tip from a KAOS agent who I befriended at the bakery. 313 00:22:16,903 --> 00:22:18,666 I think we should trust him, Chief. 314 00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,806 AGENT 23: Absolutely, Chief. I'm with 99 on that one. 315 00:22:20,974 --> 00:22:23,772 Every time I look at Max's puppy eyes, I'm a goner. 316 00:22:23,943 --> 00:22:27,743 Oh, my God. You've really never had anyone break up with you, have you? 317 00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:32,216 Chief, you said that you and I are alike. 318 00:22:32,385 --> 00:22:34,751 That we are both old-fashioned men. 319 00:22:35,421 --> 00:22:37,548 Well, I have an old-fashioned hunch. 320 00:22:37,724 --> 00:22:42,286 I have a hunch that you have a hunch that I am telling the truth. 321 00:22:43,396 --> 00:22:44,488 Max... 322 00:22:45,932 --> 00:22:49,163 Any double agent who escapes from a high-security holding situation... 323 00:22:49,335 --> 00:22:52,930 ...only to fall into the arms of the people that got him in the first place... 324 00:22:53,106 --> 00:22:56,906 ...is either an idiot or not a double agent, and I don't think you're an idiot. 325 00:22:57,677 --> 00:22:58,701 Thank you, Chief. 326 00:22:59,345 --> 00:23:02,678 Now, we know that the president is in town. 327 00:23:02,849 --> 00:23:06,649 - But what exactly is he doing here today? - Max. 328 00:23:06,819 --> 00:23:11,119 - Yes. We need to find out his itinerary. - But, Max, the... 329 00:23:11,291 --> 00:23:14,021 I know, 99. I need to go get a paper. 330 00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:24,927 We're in position. More or less. 331 00:23:25,104 --> 00:23:28,039 Roger. I have the whole security system online. Just remember... 332 00:23:28,207 --> 00:23:31,973 Yes, we know. How about a little radio silence? 333 00:23:32,145 --> 00:23:36,144 I wanna quit, but what can I do? He's married to my sister. 334 00:23:36,316 --> 00:23:40,776 By the way, I reviewed the security tapes from the explosion at the bakery... 335 00:23:40,953 --> 00:23:44,980 ...and I know that you let those CONTROL agents get away. 336 00:23:45,158 --> 00:23:47,422 So unless you do your job today... 337 00:23:47,593 --> 00:23:53,725 ...your lovely wife, Zeenat, will have eaten her last kebab. 338 00:24:15,421 --> 00:24:19,323 Blue team, check for access violation at quadrant three, sector seven. 339 00:24:19,492 --> 00:24:20,516 Copy that. 340 00:24:21,894 --> 00:24:23,054 Go. 341 00:24:40,546 --> 00:24:42,241 SHTARKER: That's it. You're there. 342 00:25:14,013 --> 00:25:15,742 Door secure. 343 00:25:48,281 --> 00:25:50,545 We need to get everyone out and shut this place. 344 00:25:50,716 --> 00:25:52,183 We've swept the building. 345 00:25:52,351 --> 00:25:56,117 The Secret Service doesn't make mistakes like the fabulous bakery boys. 346 00:25:56,289 --> 00:25:58,223 Who told you about that? Who told you? 347 00:25:58,391 --> 00:26:00,655 Take it easy. You'll give yourself a heart attack. 348 00:26:00,827 --> 00:26:03,455 And this day will not include me blowing into your mouth. 349 00:26:03,629 --> 00:26:06,621 - You want a piece of me? - Come on, Chief! he's not worth it. 350 00:26:06,799 --> 00:26:08,426 - Hey. - I'm shaking. I'm shaking. 351 00:26:08,601 --> 00:26:09,625 You better watch it. 352 00:26:09,802 --> 00:26:11,292 CHIEF: Let me at him! 353 00:26:15,241 --> 00:26:17,302 [CROWD APPLAUDING] 354 00:26:20,713 --> 00:26:22,613 MAN [OVER RADIO]: From Los Angeles, California... 355 00:26:22,782 --> 00:26:24,639 ... we welcome you to a live broadcast... 356 00:26:24,817 --> 00:26:26,808 ... of our concert for the president. 357 00:26:26,986 --> 00:26:29,454 Dignitaries from around the world have gathered. 358 00:26:29,622 --> 00:26:34,059 We will be broadcasting from the Walt Disney Concert Hall throughout the evening. 359 00:26:34,227 --> 00:26:36,661 MAX: There has got to be another way in. 360 00:26:36,829 --> 00:26:39,730 Why are we even still here? There are 50 other perfect targets. 361 00:26:39,899 --> 00:26:43,300 The Golden Gate Bridge, Space Needle. There's no chatter to support this. 362 00:26:43,469 --> 00:26:46,267 And you know what, I'm done with this. Stop! 363 00:26:46,439 --> 00:26:49,897 Wait a minute, 23. You're radioactive hot. 364 00:26:50,076 --> 00:26:52,135 When were you exposed to radioactivity? 365 00:26:52,311 --> 00:26:55,610 I just got back from Russia. Half the people there are radioactive. 366 00:26:55,781 --> 00:26:56,805 The bakery. 367 00:26:56,983 --> 00:26:59,611 You said you swept the area and everything was clean. 368 00:26:59,785 --> 00:27:02,185 - I did, and it was. AGENT 99: Really? 369 00:27:02,355 --> 00:27:04,949 Was there anyone else there, or do we just trust you? 370 00:27:05,424 --> 00:27:06,448 23. 371 00:27:07,627 --> 00:27:09,322 Your knife wound is seeping. 372 00:27:09,929 --> 00:27:11,760 Sudden rise in blood pressure? 373 00:27:11,931 --> 00:27:15,264 Perhaps you're nervous because there is a bomb here and you know it. 374 00:27:15,434 --> 00:27:18,892 And what is with the briefcase? Could that actually be the football? 375 00:27:19,071 --> 00:27:22,063 You mean the computer containing the bomb activation codes? 376 00:27:22,241 --> 00:27:26,109 Exactly. I have no interest in a real football unless it is signed by Joe Montana... 377 00:27:26,279 --> 00:27:28,474 ...and I don't believe that's the case. 378 00:27:30,216 --> 00:27:31,979 Well, 23? 379 00:27:32,785 --> 00:27:34,810 You know what? We're out of time. 380 00:27:36,322 --> 00:27:38,381 You follow us, she dies. 381 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:49,895 Stop this car! 382 00:27:50,303 --> 00:27:53,704 Max! You idiot! What the hell is wrong with you? 383 00:27:53,873 --> 00:27:57,206 You don't just slap your hands on a government vehicle! 384 00:27:58,744 --> 00:28:03,113 All right, that's it! When we get back to Washington, you morons are through! 385 00:28:06,252 --> 00:28:09,710 Damn it. How have you gotten away with this for so long? 386 00:28:09,889 --> 00:28:12,255 I can't believe none of us saw it, especially me. 387 00:28:12,425 --> 00:28:14,825 Don't beat yourself up. You'll be dead soon anyway. 388 00:28:17,363 --> 00:28:19,422 Chief, he's heading southbound on Grand. 389 00:28:19,599 --> 00:28:21,191 Thanks, Bruce. Keep us posted. 390 00:28:21,834 --> 00:28:25,463 AGENT [OVER RADIO]: Hey! CONTROL assholes who just stole my vehicle! 391 00:28:25,638 --> 00:28:30,075 I know you're listening! You two dickwads put one scratch on that car... 392 00:28:31,277 --> 00:28:32,642 What was that? 393 00:28:32,812 --> 00:28:34,575 Sorry, I'm losing you. 394 00:28:35,348 --> 00:28:36,372 What the? 395 00:28:37,850 --> 00:28:40,341 All right, fellas. 20 dollars if you hit the car. 396 00:28:42,355 --> 00:28:46,189 MAX: Chief, I have to say, this whole thing really steams my clams. 397 00:28:46,359 --> 00:28:49,055 I cannot get over the fact that 23 is a traitor. 398 00:28:49,228 --> 00:28:50,627 Sand trap! 399 00:28:50,796 --> 00:28:53,629 Now I know how you felt when you thought I was a traitor. 400 00:28:53,799 --> 00:28:55,061 Tractor! 401 00:28:55,234 --> 00:28:58,101 I don't know how I missed it. I'm usually very observant. 402 00:28:58,270 --> 00:28:59,601 Swordfish! 403 00:29:06,779 --> 00:29:09,179 MAX: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? CHIEF: I don't know. 404 00:29:09,348 --> 00:29:13,216 Were you thinking, "Holy shit, holy shit, a swordfish almost went through my head?" 405 00:29:13,386 --> 00:29:14,910 If so, yes. 406 00:29:15,087 --> 00:29:16,384 Come on. 407 00:29:38,911 --> 00:29:42,472 On behalf of the United States Government, I hereby commandeer this plane. 408 00:29:43,382 --> 00:29:45,282 The device is armed. I hope you're moving. 409 00:29:45,451 --> 00:29:48,420 Don't worry, sir. I'll be well clear. 410 00:29:52,892 --> 00:29:54,826 BRUCE: Chief, they're headed southbound on l-47. 411 00:29:54,994 --> 00:29:56,825 Thanks, Bruce. I got them! 412 00:29:57,697 --> 00:29:59,426 I need to get down to that car! 413 00:29:59,598 --> 00:30:03,090 No, no good. If I get too low, he'll hear me coming! 414 00:30:06,906 --> 00:30:08,874 I have another idea. 415 00:30:09,709 --> 00:30:11,370 What are you doing? 416 00:30:13,879 --> 00:30:16,575 Get back in the plane! You're gonna kill yourself! 417 00:30:17,883 --> 00:30:19,180 Hang on! 418 00:30:35,701 --> 00:30:37,293 Hang on! We're going in! 419 00:30:39,371 --> 00:30:40,838 [MAX SCREAMING] 420 00:30:42,074 --> 00:30:43,200 Sorry, Max. 421 00:30:48,814 --> 00:30:51,476 Tuesday's not gonna work. Cannot do Tuesday, I'm already... 422 00:30:51,650 --> 00:30:53,618 - Mom! Mom! Mom! - Sean! Sean! Sean! 423 00:30:53,786 --> 00:30:55,811 See how annoying that is? 424 00:31:16,142 --> 00:31:20,033 See, this is your problem. Some men like women more feminine! 425 00:31:20,212 --> 00:31:21,679 - I'm not feminine? - No. 426 00:31:21,847 --> 00:31:22,973 I'm not feminine? 427 00:31:33,893 --> 00:31:35,451 Freeze! 428 00:31:35,728 --> 00:31:37,423 That was so cool. 429 00:31:38,330 --> 00:31:39,661 Max! 430 00:31:48,174 --> 00:31:49,198 Damn it to hell. 431 00:31:59,018 --> 00:32:01,145 You know, I might be more help if you untie me! 432 00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:03,786 There's a knife in my right front pocket! 433 00:32:08,594 --> 00:32:10,084 [MAX LAUGHING] 434 00:32:10,262 --> 00:32:11,490 Stop it! Stop it! 435 00:32:11,964 --> 00:32:12,988 What? 436 00:32:14,233 --> 00:32:16,827 That's not my knife! That's not my... 437 00:32:17,369 --> 00:32:18,666 I got it! 438 00:32:25,377 --> 00:32:27,038 No, 99, don't touch that! 439 00:32:30,382 --> 00:32:31,872 Oh, my Lord. 440 00:32:53,572 --> 00:32:55,665 Yeah! The kid's still got it. 441 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:02,504 AGENT 99: Max, hurry! 442 00:33:04,583 --> 00:33:06,346 MAX: Hold on, 99! 443 00:33:12,391 --> 00:33:16,259 Chief, we can't stop the car! We have the football, but we do not know the code! 444 00:33:16,428 --> 00:33:17,895 We need to figure out something! 445 00:33:18,063 --> 00:33:20,896 These tracks are taking us back downtown, towards the bomb! 446 00:33:25,337 --> 00:33:28,204 We gotta get you out of there, and you won't survive the jump! 447 00:33:28,374 --> 00:33:29,398 I'm coming to get you! 448 00:33:50,763 --> 00:33:52,390 [AGENT 99 SCREAMS] 449 00:33:54,433 --> 00:33:56,492 - Oh, God! - Hold on, 99! 450 00:33:57,970 --> 00:34:00,768 It's not over, Max! I'll take that briefcase! 451 00:34:00,940 --> 00:34:02,999 If you want it, you'll have to take it! 452 00:34:03,442 --> 00:34:06,969 - That's what I just said! - I know, I'm just trying to annoy you! 453 00:34:20,826 --> 00:34:22,384 [GROANING] 454 00:34:55,728 --> 00:34:57,628 Unusual but effective. 455 00:34:58,063 --> 00:34:59,587 [TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS] 456 00:35:05,404 --> 00:35:07,304 - You all right? - I'm fine! 457 00:35:13,612 --> 00:35:15,045 Max! 458 00:35:15,781 --> 00:35:16,805 Max, your foot! 459 00:35:22,755 --> 00:35:25,724 - I wish we had more time! - What? 460 00:35:46,078 --> 00:35:49,241 - Max! - No! 461 00:36:10,102 --> 00:36:11,569 Oh, Max. 462 00:36:14,139 --> 00:36:16,232 [SQUEAKING] 463 00:36:17,643 --> 00:36:19,133 No. No! 464 00:36:24,783 --> 00:36:27,251 I wish we had more time too. 465 00:36:29,955 --> 00:36:31,752 MAX: So you did hear me? 466 00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:35,584 Max? 467 00:36:39,765 --> 00:36:41,596 But the train... 468 00:36:42,601 --> 00:36:44,796 Missed it by that much. 469 00:37:04,123 --> 00:37:06,023 "Operation Joy"? 470 00:37:07,526 --> 00:37:11,360 The "Ode to Joy" will end with a bang. 471 00:37:13,165 --> 00:37:16,259 [PERFORMING BEETHOVEN'S "ODE TO JOY"] 472 00:37:16,435 --> 00:37:19,598 - Chief! - Yeah, Maxie! Are you okay? 473 00:37:19,771 --> 00:37:23,832 Listen, I think the final notes of the "Ode to Joy" trigger the bomb! 474 00:37:24,009 --> 00:37:25,806 We have to stop the concert! 475 00:37:25,978 --> 00:37:27,275 I'm on it. 476 00:37:50,402 --> 00:37:51,664 [CLEARS THROAT] 477 00:38:03,782 --> 00:38:07,343 My buttocks are really stinging from being dragged. 478 00:38:16,595 --> 00:38:19,029 Hey, grandpa, I already told you... 479 00:38:19,765 --> 00:38:22,962 Speak up, son. I'm an old man, you know. 480 00:38:29,875 --> 00:38:31,502 [CLATTERING] 481 00:38:34,213 --> 00:38:36,477 I like that tackling part. 482 00:38:40,786 --> 00:38:43,550 MAX: I am so, so sorry about that. 483 00:38:43,722 --> 00:38:45,519 Wait! No, no, let him go. 484 00:38:46,491 --> 00:38:48,584 - There is a bomb. - Where? 485 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,752 Would you believe in the piano? 486 00:38:57,069 --> 00:38:59,435 Whoa. How did we miss that? That is huge. 487 00:38:59,905 --> 00:39:04,399 - Max. Was that...? - A total guess, yes, it was. 488 00:39:13,185 --> 00:39:15,676 That old son of a gun can take a hit, huh? 489 00:39:23,028 --> 00:39:27,431 - Do you think I should tell him? - No. Let's just savor the moment. 490 00:39:36,108 --> 00:39:38,440 He's a funny son of a bitch, isn't he? 491 00:39:39,144 --> 00:39:41,612 This is the proudest moment of my life! 492 00:39:44,549 --> 00:39:46,107 Bomb not go off. 493 00:39:46,285 --> 00:39:48,845 Oh, really, bright-eyes? What alerted you? 494 00:39:49,021 --> 00:39:52,149 Was it no "Boom, boom," or the lack of a mushroom cloud? 495 00:39:52,324 --> 00:39:55,020 It was the mushroom cloud for me. 496 00:39:55,994 --> 00:40:00,863 Well, you did your job, so I suppose I can't kill your wife. 497 00:40:01,266 --> 00:40:04,861 Although to be honest, I'd be doing the sighted world a favor. 498 00:40:08,807 --> 00:40:10,707 [SCREAMS] 499 00:40:13,312 --> 00:40:15,610 What good hang time, huh? 500 00:40:16,348 --> 00:40:19,579 Yes, Mr. President. Thank you and goodbye, sir. 501 00:40:19,785 --> 00:40:23,312 86, the President wanted me to convey his personal thanks... 502 00:40:23,488 --> 00:40:27,219 ...and to tell you how impressed he was with that dragged-by-a-train thing. 503 00:40:27,392 --> 00:40:31,488 Well, sir, as an agent, I have trained myself to be impervious to pain. 504 00:40:31,663 --> 00:40:32,721 [DOG BARKING] 505 00:40:32,898 --> 00:40:35,128 Ah! Hey, it's Fang. 506 00:40:35,300 --> 00:40:37,962 I wanted him to be a surprise. 507 00:40:38,136 --> 00:40:41,264 99, please, nobody here knows that we're dating. 508 00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:42,998 CHIEF: Yes, they do. 509 00:40:44,276 --> 00:40:45,573 On the cheek. 510 00:40:46,678 --> 00:40:48,407 - Let's go. - Maybe a little one? 511 00:40:49,381 --> 00:40:53,283 Hey, new guy. Hold up a second. Welcome to CONTROL. 512 00:40:53,452 --> 00:40:56,683 We have a tradition called "pick on the new guy." Here's how it works. 513 00:40:56,855 --> 00:40:59,847 - We pick on the new guy. - And you can't do anything about it. 514 00:41:00,025 --> 00:41:01,390 Let's try one. 515 00:41:02,227 --> 00:41:05,219 - You dropped your pencil. - Did you hear the man? 516 00:41:05,630 --> 00:41:08,895 I don't see a man, I see two little girls. 517 00:41:09,067 --> 00:41:13,094 I think I'll call you Maureen, and you Brittany. 518 00:41:13,271 --> 00:41:16,604 - New guy did not. - New guy did. 519 00:41:16,775 --> 00:41:18,766 AGENT 91: Okay, new guy... LARABEE: I got this. 520 00:41:19,244 --> 00:41:20,734 And I'm going to enjoy it. 521 00:41:20,912 --> 00:41:22,903 That will make me happy, Maureen. 522 00:41:23,315 --> 00:41:24,339 Maureen. 523 00:41:24,516 --> 00:41:25,642 [DINGS] 524 00:41:25,817 --> 00:41:27,079 Ow! What's in there? 525 00:41:27,652 --> 00:41:29,483 - And just for the record. - What's in there? 526 00:41:29,654 --> 00:41:30,882 [LARABEE SCREAMS] 527 00:41:31,056 --> 00:41:32,546 My name is not "new guy." 528 00:41:33,792 --> 00:41:35,157 My name is Hymie. 529 00:41:35,327 --> 00:41:37,727 Now, if you ladies will excuse me. 530 00:41:40,132 --> 00:41:41,895 This is gonna be so fun. 531 00:41:42,067 --> 00:41:43,659 Make him high-five me. 532 00:42:18,036 --> 00:42:19,264 Max, we're gonna be late. 533 00:42:23,275 --> 00:42:25,937 Oh, Max. Let Maintenance take care of it. 534 00:42:30,081 --> 00:42:31,173 Ah! 535 00:42:31,349 --> 00:42:34,007 You've gotta be kidding me! 536 00:47:12,931 --> 00:47:14,922 Subtitles by LeapinLar