1 00:00:06,249 --> 00:00:09,719 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 2 00:00:09,929 --> 00:00:12,847 Did gyre and gimble in the wabe 3 00:00:13,053 --> 00:00:15,774 All mimsy were the borogoves 4 00:00:16,094 --> 00:00:19,241 And the mome raths outgrabe 5 00:02:41,310 --> 00:02:44,746 It is the middle of the Dark Ages. 6 00:02:44,950 --> 00:02:49,262 Ages darker than anyone had ever expected. 7 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:54,385 An horrendous monster casts a dreadful pall of fear... 8 00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:57,469 ... over a once happy land. 9 00:02:57,671 --> 00:03:00,743 As towns and villages are torn apart... 10 00:03:00,951 --> 00:03:03,784 ... the helpless survivors seek refuge... 11 00:03:03,991 --> 00:03:07,746 ... behind the walls of the great city. 12 00:03:07,952 --> 00:03:10,386 But out in the forest... 13 00:03:10,592 --> 00:03:12,787 ... in isolated pockets... 14 00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:17,669 ... still untouched by the ravages of the monster... 15 00:03:17,873 --> 00:03:21,752 ... life and business goes on... 16 00:03:22,114 --> 00:03:23,852 ... as usual. 17 00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:29,416 Thirteen, fourteen. There's another little one. 18 00:03:29,620 --> 00:03:32,054 - Fifteen. - What are you doing, Dennis? 19 00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:34,180 Stocktaking, Father. 20 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:37,020 - You took stock this morning. - I did. 21 00:03:37,221 --> 00:03:40,019 It never hurts to keep an account. 22 00:03:40,301 --> 00:03:41,893 In business now, Father... 23 00:03:42,101 --> 00:03:45,730 Never mind that nonsense and help with this cask. 24 00:03:45,941 --> 00:03:49,820 All right, Father. I'll finish stocktaking later. 25 00:03:51,861 --> 00:03:56,697 You see, the secret of the craft is to keep the stake... 26 00:03:58,142 --> 00:04:00,053 Take hold of the hoop. 27 00:04:01,862 --> 00:04:03,739 Dennis. Ralph. 28 00:04:06,863 --> 00:04:10,253 Good day, Mr. Fishfinger. Can I be of some assistance? 29 00:04:10,463 --> 00:04:13,024 - Well... - Dennis, what are you...? 30 00:04:15,304 --> 00:04:18,262 Yes, well, see, I need some barrels, Dennis... 31 00:04:18,464 --> 00:04:20,978 ...for shipping dried fish to the city. 32 00:04:21,184 --> 00:04:24,176 Big demand there, since this monster scare. 33 00:04:24,384 --> 00:04:26,579 Goodness, prices go up all the time. 34 00:04:26,784 --> 00:04:29,344 That's great. Tell me, Mr. Fishfinger... 35 00:04:29,544 --> 00:04:33,094 ...do you believe stories about villages being destroyed? 36 00:04:33,305 --> 00:04:35,739 I haven't seen the monster myself. 37 00:04:35,945 --> 00:04:38,379 When I was in Muckley the other day... 38 00:04:38,585 --> 00:04:40,735 Muckley? That's a ways. 39 00:04:40,945 --> 00:04:42,776 Two miles or more, easy. 40 00:04:43,545 --> 00:04:46,139 Gosh, I'd like to travel someday. 41 00:04:46,905 --> 00:04:48,702 - About the monster... - Yes. 42 00:04:48,905 --> 00:04:51,818 Well, this grain merchant, over in Muckley... 43 00:04:52,026 --> 00:04:55,621 ...he claimed that he'd actually seen it. 44 00:04:57,266 --> 00:05:01,657 Turned his teeth snow-white overnight, they say. 45 00:05:05,627 --> 00:05:09,257 - Anyway, about the barrels... - Yes, well, must be cheap. 46 00:05:09,468 --> 00:05:11,186 First, must be cheap. 47 00:05:11,548 --> 00:05:17,066 We can attend to your needs. Exactly how inexpensive? 48 00:05:18,668 --> 00:05:21,546 - No more than tuppence apiece. - Tuppence? 49 00:05:21,748 --> 00:05:24,785 What are you talking about? I can't turn out... 50 00:05:24,988 --> 00:05:27,138 ...a decent barrel for that price. 51 00:05:27,389 --> 00:05:30,187 - Father, don't you think...? - Be sensible. 52 00:05:30,389 --> 00:05:34,462 They only have to last until they get to the city. 53 00:05:35,029 --> 00:05:39,102 I don't make barrels to last two or three days, Fishfinger. 54 00:05:39,309 --> 00:05:42,107 I make barrels to last a lifetime. 55 00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:45,705 - Everybody knows. - You'll never understand. 56 00:05:45,909 --> 00:05:48,663 Or you either, Dennis, I'm afraid. 57 00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:51,259 You don't want barrels. You want bags. 58 00:05:51,510 --> 00:05:52,704 Get out! 59 00:05:52,910 --> 00:05:54,309 - Look, Father... - Out! 60 00:05:54,510 --> 00:05:56,626 Don't come back with shoddy deals. 61 00:05:56,830 --> 00:06:00,106 - Yes. Goodbye. - Tuppence! 62 00:06:00,510 --> 00:06:03,627 - I'm sorry, Mr. Fishfinger. - It's all right. 63 00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:06,790 He's given me a very good idea. 64 00:06:08,272 --> 00:06:10,502 Wait! I think I can get... 65 00:06:10,712 --> 00:06:11,986 Bye, Dennis. 66 00:06:13,232 --> 00:06:14,631 Tuppence! 67 00:06:25,913 --> 00:06:27,505 Griselda. 68 00:06:30,073 --> 00:06:32,951 - Yeah? - It is I, Dennis... 69 00:06:33,153 --> 00:06:35,383 ...come to see you. - I see. 70 00:06:36,393 --> 00:06:38,748 How are you, my love? 71 00:06:40,513 --> 00:06:42,504 Have you missed me? 72 00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:45,750 It's lovely to see you again. 73 00:06:45,954 --> 00:06:48,024 I think about you all day long. 74 00:06:48,234 --> 00:06:50,873 I dream of when I'll ask for your hand in marriage... 75 00:06:51,074 --> 00:06:56,307 ...and we'll build that cottage. I'll come home, we'll have supper. Hey! 76 00:06:56,514 --> 00:06:59,153 Roger, what are you doing? Just you... 77 00:06:59,434 --> 00:07:01,026 What? 78 00:07:04,835 --> 00:07:07,509 Oh, Griselda. Sorry. 79 00:07:07,716 --> 00:07:09,115 Griselda. 80 00:07:10,516 --> 00:07:15,351 I can't ask for your love until I can marry. Say you'll wait. 81 00:07:15,716 --> 00:07:18,992 - Say I've got a chance... - Let go! 82 00:07:19,196 --> 00:07:22,189 - Why, Griselda, why? - I've gotta scratch. 83 00:07:22,517 --> 00:07:25,111 Oh, Griselda. Griselda, l... 84 00:07:26,077 --> 00:07:30,593 - Sorry, Dennis. How's your father? - Never better, Mrs. Fishfinger. 85 00:07:34,677 --> 00:07:36,827 - Is that Dennis Cooper? - Yes. 86 00:07:38,197 --> 00:07:43,033 Hello, Dennis. You've got garbage all over your vest. 87 00:07:43,878 --> 00:07:47,109 Look after your appearance. Bad for business. 88 00:07:47,318 --> 00:07:49,912 By the way, thought you'd like to know... 89 00:07:50,118 --> 00:07:54,031 ...I got Wat the Mercer to run me up a few cloth bags. 90 00:07:54,238 --> 00:07:57,036 I wish Father could've seen it your way. 91 00:07:57,318 --> 00:08:00,436 Yes. A man's got to move with the times. 92 00:08:00,759 --> 00:08:04,229 When you take the shop, we'll do business. 93 00:08:04,439 --> 00:08:07,000 Oh, that won't be for some time yet. 94 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,592 It's getting late. I'd better be going. 95 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:13,711 Okay by me. 96 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,236 Drop in anytime, Dennis. 97 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:18,518 Goodbye, Griselda. 98 00:08:43,642 --> 00:08:45,234 Father! 99 00:08:52,322 --> 00:08:56,316 - Is that you, Dennis? - Yes, Father. 100 00:08:56,523 --> 00:09:00,801 - Come closer, Dennis. - Yes, Father. 101 00:09:05,524 --> 00:09:08,721 - What happened? - My heart. 102 00:09:09,804 --> 00:09:11,635 I haven't long. 103 00:09:13,324 --> 00:09:16,044 I'm going... I'm going to... 104 00:09:16,725 --> 00:09:17,953 Throw up? 105 00:09:18,445 --> 00:09:19,924 No. 106 00:09:22,845 --> 00:09:24,073 - Father. - Son. 107 00:09:24,285 --> 00:09:28,642 What shall I do without your guiding hand, without your skill? 108 00:09:29,845 --> 00:09:31,676 - Son. - Yes, Father? 109 00:09:32,926 --> 00:09:34,837 I'll tell you... 110 00:09:35,286 --> 00:09:38,961 ...you're going to end up just like that... 111 00:09:42,126 --> 00:09:43,718 ...Fishfinger. 112 00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:45,844 Who, me? 113 00:09:46,686 --> 00:09:50,645 I know Mr. Fishfinger's a successful businessman, but... 114 00:09:51,927 --> 00:09:54,919 Because you've got no understanding... 115 00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:58,005 ...of craftsmanship. 116 00:09:58,527 --> 00:10:02,759 No appreciation of the beauty of wood. 117 00:10:04,127 --> 00:10:07,074 - But... - Because you're just a shallow... 118 00:10:07,576 --> 00:10:10,244 ...dull, pretentious... - Father! 119 00:10:10,448 --> 00:10:14,283 Little stocktaker! 120 00:10:14,529 --> 00:10:17,043 Oh, Father, you're delirious. 121 00:10:17,249 --> 00:10:20,321 - You don't know what you're saying. - Yes, I do. 122 00:10:20,529 --> 00:10:21,723 You whimpering... 123 00:10:21,929 --> 00:10:23,567 ...snotty-nosed... 124 00:10:23,769 --> 00:10:27,444 ...cretinous oaf! 125 00:10:27,729 --> 00:10:31,518 - I've wanted to say this for years. - We're not alone. 126 00:10:31,850 --> 00:10:34,808 You're everything I despise! 127 00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:36,968 Dad's raving, I'm afraid. 128 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,286 No, he's not. 129 00:10:39,490 --> 00:10:44,405 You and your kind will drive good, honest craftsmen to the wall. 130 00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:46,919 Do you hear? To the wall! 131 00:10:47,130 --> 00:10:50,840 Honestly, I was only trying to improve the business. 132 00:10:51,491 --> 00:10:54,210 You won't have my business... 133 00:10:55,251 --> 00:10:56,923 ...to improve anymore. 134 00:10:57,131 --> 00:11:02,728 Not my cooperage. Because I'm taking it with me! 135 00:11:02,931 --> 00:11:06,242 - I don't understand. - Don't understand? Damn ninny. 136 00:11:06,452 --> 00:11:08,284 I'm renouncing you. 137 00:11:08,733 --> 00:11:10,689 You're no craftsman's son. 138 00:11:11,133 --> 00:11:14,170 Get out. Out of my sight! 139 00:11:14,933 --> 00:11:17,925 Stocktaker! 140 00:11:42,254 --> 00:11:45,452 Griselda! Griselda, my angel! 141 00:11:45,655 --> 00:11:48,249 - Go away. We're eating. - Is Griselda there? 142 00:11:48,455 --> 00:11:51,925 - Is that Dennis? - Yes, sir. Can I speak to Griselda? 143 00:11:52,135 --> 00:11:57,209 - She's eating. What do you want? - I'm going away to the city. 144 00:11:57,535 --> 00:12:00,493 I'll come back and claim Griselda's hand. 145 00:12:00,695 --> 00:12:02,925 So you will, Dennis. Goodbye. 146 00:12:04,337 --> 00:12:09,047 Griselda, I'm going away. Say something. Say anything. 147 00:12:09,257 --> 00:12:13,296 - Pass the potatoes. - I heard that! You are in there. 148 00:12:14,097 --> 00:12:17,646 Darling, I'm going. I may not see you... 149 00:12:17,897 --> 00:12:19,649 That's rotten! 150 00:12:22,938 --> 00:12:26,135 For me? Griselda, you do care. 151 00:12:26,738 --> 00:12:31,050 A keepsake, something that will always remind me of you. 152 00:12:31,258 --> 00:12:34,455 I'll carry this next to my heart until we next... 153 00:12:34,658 --> 00:12:36,694 Say bye to the boy, Grisey. 154 00:12:39,138 --> 00:12:40,856 Meet. 155 00:12:48,779 --> 00:12:50,497 Goodbye, Griselda. 156 00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:33,175 No, no! Stay away, stay away! 157 00:13:33,382 --> 00:13:35,498 Stay away from me! 158 00:14:00,344 --> 00:14:02,778 What's that? What was that? 159 00:14:19,346 --> 00:14:21,860 Good morning, Your Majesty. 160 00:14:23,466 --> 00:14:25,218 Good morning, Passelewe. 161 00:14:25,666 --> 00:14:28,738 - Good morning. - And to you, sir. A fine day. 162 00:14:28,946 --> 00:14:31,506 Your business goes well, I trust. 163 00:14:31,706 --> 00:14:34,345 One doesn't like to complain. Your own? 164 00:14:34,546 --> 00:14:36,697 One does one's best, you know. 165 00:14:36,907 --> 00:14:38,818 I hear you're opening a shop. 166 00:14:39,027 --> 00:14:41,587 By the town gate. An area of growth. 167 00:14:41,787 --> 00:14:44,938 I agree. I trust we'll hear an order soon. 168 00:14:45,147 --> 00:14:48,503 Certainly. If your prices are competitive. 169 00:14:48,707 --> 00:14:49,776 Surely. 170 00:14:50,027 --> 00:14:52,905 What's the latest wine-to-water ratio? 171 00:14:53,107 --> 00:14:57,147 It's two wine to one water still. It can't hold at that rate. 172 00:14:57,348 --> 00:14:59,066 They're lucky to get wine. 173 00:14:59,268 --> 00:15:04,138 Is that all? I detected a certain oneness in the last consignment. 174 00:15:04,349 --> 00:15:08,945 That's odd. It was robust when it left my premises. Get a move on. 175 00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:12,421 I'll send you a sample of our new port... 176 00:15:12,629 --> 00:15:15,667 Move it, you lame buggers. That would be kind. 177 00:15:15,870 --> 00:15:20,580 - Why has the king called this council? - Lord knows. Get going, you! 178 00:15:20,910 --> 00:15:25,028 I hear he is urged to take measures against the monster. 179 00:15:25,230 --> 00:15:27,425 Allowing the peasants to leave? 180 00:15:27,630 --> 00:15:32,989 It could very well be. And that would not be good for business. Move it! 181 00:16:02,072 --> 00:16:04,029 - After you. - No, you first. 182 00:16:04,233 --> 00:16:06,269 You're too kind. 183 00:16:53,996 --> 00:16:57,955 Attention! Our Most Glorious Majesty... 184 00:16:58,236 --> 00:17:01,592 ...King Bruno the Questionable. 185 00:17:06,118 --> 00:17:10,236 Son of Olaf the Loud. 186 00:17:10,478 --> 00:17:12,753 Oh, he's coming! He's coming! 187 00:17:13,078 --> 00:17:17,754 - I'm not finished yet... - Oh, look out! He's here! 188 00:17:22,918 --> 00:17:26,548 - Your Majesty. - Pay attention, Your Majesty. 189 00:17:26,759 --> 00:17:29,796 You must see it's of the gravest urgency. 190 00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:33,475 - Yes, yes. Of course. - Jesus Christ! 191 00:17:34,959 --> 00:17:37,029 Quick sire, down. 192 00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:42,871 Stop it! 193 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,278 Come on. 194 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,119 Bless my soul! 195 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:55,036 Great-grandnephew... 196 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,674 ...of Emperor Otto the Bent... 197 00:18:00,091 --> 00:18:02,354 ...conqueror... 198 00:18:04,562 --> 00:18:05,836 ...of Freedonia. 199 00:18:06,042 --> 00:18:08,920 Let him go! Get up, man. 200 00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:12,114 You'll get your rags all dirty. 201 00:18:13,162 --> 00:18:15,835 Sire. Help us, sire. 202 00:18:16,042 --> 00:18:18,602 The monster is ravaging the countryside. 203 00:18:18,802 --> 00:18:23,081 It has destroyed our homes. We haven't eaten in days. 204 00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:24,597 - Weeks. - Months. 205 00:18:24,883 --> 00:18:27,351 - Except... - I ate my shoe yesterday. 206 00:18:27,563 --> 00:18:32,000 Oh, that's nothing. I ate three toes off of my right foot. 207 00:18:32,203 --> 00:18:34,922 - Terrible... - That ain't your right foot. 208 00:18:35,243 --> 00:18:38,155 Know-it-all! Are you a doctor or something? 209 00:18:38,363 --> 00:18:42,516 I saw a doctor once. He didn't see me. I was hiding. 210 00:18:42,804 --> 00:18:46,956 Your Majesty, save us from the great green beast. 211 00:18:47,164 --> 00:18:49,883 - Gray! - The side I saw was a dirty yellow. 212 00:18:50,124 --> 00:18:52,763 - No, it were more orange. - It was gray! 213 00:18:57,164 --> 00:18:59,838 Now stop it. Stop it, all of you! 214 00:19:00,045 --> 00:19:01,956 Go on, get out, get out! 215 00:19:02,165 --> 00:19:04,202 What are you doing? Get out! 216 00:19:04,406 --> 00:19:06,397 I'll read this to the king. 217 00:19:06,606 --> 00:19:08,562 - Stop it! - Go on! 218 00:19:10,686 --> 00:19:15,237 It seems, Passelewe, that my subjects are becoming a pain in the arse. 219 00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:17,755 Yes. Well, you must do something. 220 00:19:17,966 --> 00:19:22,438 Your kingdom is paralysed with fear. The city is packed with refugees. 221 00:19:22,647 --> 00:19:27,163 They're easy prey for every sharp-witted merchant and trickster. 222 00:19:27,487 --> 00:19:32,322 Past grand master of the Royal Order of Lowndes Victor, Saviour of Wales. 223 00:19:34,447 --> 00:19:37,167 - Hey! - And king. 224 00:19:57,249 --> 00:20:01,606 Your Majesty, your council meets today in solemn session... 225 00:20:01,809 --> 00:20:05,280 ...to urgently discuss the terrible havoc... 226 00:20:05,490 --> 00:20:09,005 ...wreaked by the monster all over the countryside. 227 00:20:09,210 --> 00:20:12,566 Nobody gets in here without money or possessions. 228 00:20:12,770 --> 00:20:15,410 But I've got possessions. See? 229 00:20:15,611 --> 00:20:17,044 That's only a rock. 230 00:20:17,251 --> 00:20:18,650 - Only a rock? - Yeah. 231 00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:22,400 Listen, what if this is not just an ordinary rock? 232 00:20:22,611 --> 00:20:25,603 What if this is a diamond? 233 00:20:25,811 --> 00:20:29,201 It don't shine. Now get out of here! 234 00:20:30,731 --> 00:20:32,210 Right, next. 235 00:20:32,411 --> 00:20:37,122 - What have you got? Any grain? Cloth? - I haven't got anything. 236 00:20:37,332 --> 00:20:41,484 - But it's important that I get in. - They all say that. Move on. 237 00:20:41,692 --> 00:20:45,571 You don't understand. I'm here for a job. I'm starting over. 238 00:20:45,772 --> 00:20:47,763 I've got lots of good ideas... 239 00:20:47,972 --> 00:20:52,728 Now look, sonny, shove off. Wait a minute! What have you got here? 240 00:20:53,013 --> 00:20:54,605 What's this? 241 00:20:55,453 --> 00:20:58,843 You told us you had nothing. 242 00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:01,522 - That's not for eating. - What? 243 00:21:01,733 --> 00:21:04,453 You could last for a week on that. 244 00:21:04,654 --> 00:21:07,532 Just a minute. What are you up to, sonny? 245 00:21:07,894 --> 00:21:10,203 Oh, nothing. It's a memento. 246 00:21:10,414 --> 00:21:11,484 A memento? 247 00:21:12,975 --> 00:21:15,284 My sweetheart gave it to me. 248 00:21:15,495 --> 00:21:17,133 She gave you that? 249 00:21:17,455 --> 00:21:19,844 Yes. Can I have it back, please? 250 00:21:20,695 --> 00:21:23,289 God, she must really love you. 251 00:21:23,935 --> 00:21:25,493 Do you really think so? 252 00:21:25,695 --> 00:21:29,574 Yeah. I've got a sticky feeling inside me just thinking of it. 253 00:21:29,775 --> 00:21:33,371 - You sure are a lucky guy. - Come on, Fred. Cut it out. 254 00:21:33,576 --> 00:21:37,330 - He's not getting in. - Give him a break, just this once. 255 00:21:37,536 --> 00:21:39,572 No chance. Now push off, you. 256 00:21:47,296 --> 00:21:49,686 Just because he's got a potato... 257 00:21:49,897 --> 00:21:51,615 That's what they all say. 258 00:21:51,857 --> 00:21:55,213 - Wait a minute. - Hey, you! 259 00:21:56,097 --> 00:21:58,133 Come back! 260 00:22:01,577 --> 00:22:03,773 That's far enough. 261 00:22:04,858 --> 00:22:07,418 Let's have a look at your legs. 262 00:22:25,139 --> 00:22:26,652 Next. 263 00:22:31,340 --> 00:22:32,978 And so, Your Majesty... 264 00:22:33,180 --> 00:22:38,208 ...your great-great-great-great- great-grandfather... 265 00:22:38,420 --> 00:22:41,730 ...King Max the Vainglorious, by a tournament... 266 00:22:41,940 --> 00:22:46,776 ...chose from his knights a champion to free the kingdom from pestilence. 267 00:22:47,221 --> 00:22:51,533 Mounted on his mighty charger, Sir Bromiades waged... 268 00:22:56,981 --> 00:22:58,733 What's that? 269 00:22:58,941 --> 00:23:02,730 Quickly, man. Somebody might be trying to poison me. 270 00:23:06,063 --> 00:23:10,341 - Plaster, Your Majesty. - Oh. Carry on, Passelewe. 271 00:23:10,943 --> 00:23:14,140 - Mounted on his... - The 11th... 272 00:23:14,903 --> 00:23:18,339 - Mounted on his mighty... - No, wait. Twelfth century. 273 00:23:18,543 --> 00:23:21,216 Shut up! Fool! 274 00:23:21,823 --> 00:23:22,972 Carry on. 275 00:23:23,183 --> 00:23:26,654 Until peace was once more restored to the kingdom. 276 00:23:26,864 --> 00:23:30,982 With that, King Max rode back to the cheers of his subjects... 277 00:23:31,184 --> 00:23:33,539 ...who lined the road for 50 miles. 278 00:23:34,144 --> 00:23:38,501 Fifty miles? Do you mean they cheered him all that way? 279 00:23:38,704 --> 00:23:43,654 Wow! They certainly must have respected him. 280 00:23:44,065 --> 00:23:46,943 You're right. We'll hold a tournament. 281 00:23:47,225 --> 00:23:51,616 It's years since we've heard the clash of sword against shield... 282 00:23:51,825 --> 00:23:55,659 ...the clamour of armoured knights crashing to the ground... 283 00:23:55,865 --> 00:24:00,859 ...the spurt of blood as the dagger is thrust into unprotected groin. 284 00:24:01,065 --> 00:24:03,422 Oh, no, dear. No, no, no. 285 00:24:03,787 --> 00:24:07,700 What I had in mind was a tournament à plaisance. 286 00:24:09,107 --> 00:24:10,938 A plaisance? 287 00:24:11,147 --> 00:24:14,901 Passelewe, do my ear holes hear aright? 288 00:24:15,107 --> 00:24:20,626 A plaisance, with blunted sword and collared lance? 289 00:24:20,828 --> 00:24:22,181 Where's the honour? 290 00:24:22,388 --> 00:24:26,017 Where's the glory in buffoons playing pillow fights? 291 00:24:26,228 --> 00:24:31,382 No! It must be L'outrance. To the death. 292 00:24:31,788 --> 00:24:34,222 - Please, Bruno, please. - No, no, no. 293 00:24:34,428 --> 00:24:37,465 Go with all speed and make the arrangements. 294 00:24:38,268 --> 00:24:41,898 I can't wait to tell the princess. 295 00:24:53,149 --> 00:24:55,140 Daughter? 296 00:24:55,749 --> 00:24:59,140 Still working hard, I see. 297 00:24:59,350 --> 00:25:03,105 You and the blessed Sisters of Misery. 298 00:25:03,311 --> 00:25:06,906 Well, what are you making, daughter? 299 00:25:07,111 --> 00:25:11,662 A tapestry depicting the famous siege of Castle Apcadwallader. 300 00:25:12,071 --> 00:25:16,462 See? In this portion, the king is eating his horse... 301 00:25:16,671 --> 00:25:19,948 ...on the 98th day of the siege. 302 00:25:20,152 --> 00:25:21,585 Splendid! 303 00:25:22,472 --> 00:25:25,430 Very pretty, daughter. But you were always... 304 00:25:26,832 --> 00:25:30,871 Careful, Father. Sister Winnet fell out last week. 305 00:25:32,752 --> 00:25:36,826 Daughter, our kingdom will soon be free of the monster. 306 00:25:37,033 --> 00:25:41,345 I have declared a tournament to find a champion to destroy it. 307 00:25:41,553 --> 00:25:43,589 - What, the kingdom? - Oh, no. 308 00:25:43,793 --> 00:25:47,706 - Of course not, silly. The monster. - Oh! I see. 309 00:25:47,913 --> 00:25:49,585 Yes, and not only that. 310 00:25:49,793 --> 00:25:54,025 The successful knight will win your hand in marriage. 311 00:25:54,233 --> 00:25:56,464 Marriage? 312 00:25:57,114 --> 00:25:59,992 Yes, well, you want to be married, surely? 313 00:26:00,194 --> 00:26:02,072 - Of course, Daddy. - Then... 314 00:26:02,275 --> 00:26:05,870 But I want to marry a prince. I'm supposed to. 315 00:26:06,395 --> 00:26:09,910 That's why I wait here, like all the books say to. 316 00:26:10,115 --> 00:26:13,825 Are any of the contestants princes? 317 00:26:14,796 --> 00:26:18,709 - Well, not exactly. - No? 318 00:26:18,916 --> 00:26:21,953 No, but I could make one a prince, couldn't I? 319 00:26:22,156 --> 00:26:24,670 - I mean the winner. - It's not the same. 320 00:26:24,996 --> 00:26:29,274 No, not really. Well, never mind. 321 00:26:29,476 --> 00:26:34,505 Once the monster is destroyed, I will build you a beautiful bridal suite... 322 00:26:34,757 --> 00:26:37,476 ...in the lovely west tower. 323 00:26:47,557 --> 00:26:49,115 On second thought... 324 00:26:49,317 --> 00:26:52,276 ...I think the view from the lovely east tower... 325 00:26:52,478 --> 00:26:55,311 ...would be infinitely more preferable. 326 00:27:39,561 --> 00:27:41,597 - Who is it? - Excuse me. 327 00:27:41,841 --> 00:27:43,877 - Watch him. - What does he want? 328 00:27:44,081 --> 00:27:47,995 - Could I have some of your soup? - He's after our soup! 329 00:27:48,202 --> 00:27:50,875 - Somebody stop him! - Poke a hole in him! 330 00:27:51,082 --> 00:27:54,313 - I'll do anything. - Will he gather firewood? 331 00:27:54,522 --> 00:27:57,878 - What do you think? - We should poke a hole in him. 332 00:27:58,082 --> 00:28:01,120 I'll collect firewood if you let me have soup. 333 00:28:01,323 --> 00:28:03,393 Where do I get it from? 334 00:28:17,444 --> 00:28:20,561 Well, could I have a taste of the soup first? 335 00:28:20,804 --> 00:28:23,716 Just see if I like it? No, I thought not. 336 00:28:26,725 --> 00:28:31,037 Well, I'd better go then. The firewood, was it? 337 00:29:23,609 --> 00:29:26,123 So, you've discovered my diamond mine? 338 00:29:26,449 --> 00:29:30,442 - I was gathering firewood. - Liar! It's diamonds you're after. 339 00:29:30,809 --> 00:29:34,848 - Those aren't diamonds. They're rocks. - Rocks? 340 00:29:36,129 --> 00:29:39,963 Quick thinking, but not quick enough to save your skin! 341 00:29:40,169 --> 00:29:44,129 The secret of my diamond mine dies with you! 342 00:30:16,572 --> 00:30:20,646 I just dropped in to tell you to start without me. 343 00:30:21,133 --> 00:30:23,488 Perhaps another night. 344 00:31:24,537 --> 00:31:26,653 Hey! Hey! Hold it! 345 00:31:26,857 --> 00:31:29,769 Open up there! Open the door! 346 00:31:29,977 --> 00:31:32,286 Open it up! Open up in there! 347 00:31:32,937 --> 00:31:38,296 Open it! Open the door! Open the door! 348 00:32:21,901 --> 00:32:24,813 Rush hour! 349 00:32:48,662 --> 00:32:51,416 Hearken before it is too late! 350 00:32:51,623 --> 00:32:55,662 Repent! Cleanse yourselves! 351 00:32:55,863 --> 00:32:58,582 The beast is at the gates! 352 00:33:00,544 --> 00:33:03,536 The beast is at the gates! 353 00:33:04,944 --> 00:33:09,177 - Cleanse yourselves! - Horrible. Horrible. 354 00:33:09,905 --> 00:33:11,543 Repent! 355 00:33:12,065 --> 00:33:15,296 The beast is at the gates! 356 00:33:15,705 --> 00:33:17,821 Cleanse yourselves! 357 00:33:18,585 --> 00:33:21,418 All citizens, listen to me. 358 00:33:21,625 --> 00:33:25,504 - Yeah, you better bloody listen! - I hope you're listening! 359 00:33:26,305 --> 00:33:29,059 Are you listening up?! 360 00:33:29,826 --> 00:33:32,784 - You better listen up! - Shut up! 361 00:33:33,106 --> 00:33:35,984 - You were making noise. - You never listen. 362 00:33:36,186 --> 00:33:38,495 - Sin! - Sin. Sin. 363 00:33:38,826 --> 00:33:41,624 - The spikes of the pondylus. - The pondylus. 364 00:33:41,826 --> 00:33:44,977 - The crests of the dactylopters. - Dactylopters. 365 00:33:45,266 --> 00:33:47,019 - The trigla. - The trigla. 366 00:33:47,267 --> 00:33:52,216 - And the flying hogfish. - And the flying hogfish. 367 00:33:52,427 --> 00:33:57,865 Are as nothing compared to the beast that holds us prisoner! 368 00:33:58,187 --> 00:34:02,500 - The beast... - Flying hogfish? 369 00:34:03,628 --> 00:34:06,018 I seen a gliding hogfish once. 370 00:34:06,229 --> 00:34:09,983 Never flying. Not actually flying. 371 00:34:14,269 --> 00:34:19,218 Stewed mackerel! Stewed mackerel! 372 00:34:22,389 --> 00:34:26,144 Cabbages. Cabbages. 373 00:34:26,470 --> 00:34:30,941 Rats killed, lady. All very tidy. All very quiet. 374 00:34:31,150 --> 00:34:32,629 - Morning. - Oh, morning. 375 00:34:32,990 --> 00:34:37,541 - I'm afraid I haven't got any money. - Oh, that's all right. 376 00:34:37,750 --> 00:34:39,661 Thank you. 377 00:34:40,510 --> 00:34:41,579 Thank you. 378 00:34:41,790 --> 00:34:44,430 - Is that yours? - Well, of course it is. 379 00:34:44,631 --> 00:34:46,781 Whose did you think it was? 380 00:34:46,991 --> 00:34:48,583 - New to the city? - Yes. 381 00:34:48,791 --> 00:34:51,988 I came to start a new life here. Get a job. 382 00:34:52,271 --> 00:34:56,150 A job? No chance, son. Oh, thank you, governor. 383 00:34:56,431 --> 00:34:59,264 There must be plenty of opportunities. 384 00:34:59,471 --> 00:35:01,269 Morning. Thank you. 385 00:35:01,472 --> 00:35:04,829 I am a qualified cooper's apprentice. 386 00:35:05,033 --> 00:35:06,705 Cooper's apprentice? 387 00:35:06,953 --> 00:35:11,151 Well, what a coincidence. I'm a cooper myself. 388 00:35:11,353 --> 00:35:14,311 You may even have heard of me. Wat Dabney. 389 00:35:14,953 --> 00:35:16,784 Wat Dabney! 390 00:35:17,033 --> 00:35:20,787 Not the Wat Dabney? Inventor of the inverted firkin? 391 00:35:20,993 --> 00:35:22,586 The very same, lad. 392 00:35:22,834 --> 00:35:27,191 Now, if I can't get a job here, what chance have you got? 393 00:35:27,434 --> 00:35:32,144 Come here. Here. You see that plaque? 394 00:35:32,354 --> 00:35:35,869 There, under the barrel. That's a guild sign. 395 00:35:36,634 --> 00:35:39,785 To work there, you've got to be a guild member. 396 00:35:40,035 --> 00:35:44,153 But you're not, and I'm not and not likely to be. 397 00:35:44,355 --> 00:35:45,390 That's not fair. 398 00:35:45,635 --> 00:35:48,354 Fair or not, guilds have the town sewn up. 399 00:35:48,955 --> 00:35:51,753 - Morning. - What am I gonna do? 400 00:35:51,955 --> 00:35:54,753 It's no good going around with a long face. 401 00:35:54,995 --> 00:35:57,065 I did for weeks. Nearly starved. 402 00:35:57,275 --> 00:36:01,031 Then only this morning, I thought of this. 403 00:36:02,197 --> 00:36:04,153 Hey... 404 00:36:04,437 --> 00:36:07,110 Maybe we could team up together. 405 00:36:08,157 --> 00:36:09,556 Sure. 406 00:36:09,757 --> 00:36:12,749 - All we've got to do is... - No. Goodbye. 407 00:36:12,997 --> 00:36:15,386 I think it's a one-man business. 408 00:36:15,637 --> 00:36:18,914 What a golden chance he's missing. 409 00:36:47,199 --> 00:36:49,952 Attention! Attention... 410 00:36:50,159 --> 00:36:52,548 ...ladies and gentlemen, please. 411 00:36:52,839 --> 00:36:57,197 In my humble capacity as herald to His... 412 00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:01,354 Magnificence, King Bruno the Questionable... 413 00:37:02,841 --> 00:37:07,153 ...it is my privilege to announce... 414 00:37:11,441 --> 00:37:13,397 ...a joost... 415 00:37:13,641 --> 00:37:15,951 Sorry, a joust... 416 00:37:16,802 --> 00:37:21,000 ...to the death, to choose a champion. 417 00:37:22,042 --> 00:37:24,761 A champion to free the country... 418 00:37:24,962 --> 00:37:30,355 To free the country from the torments and ravages of the... 419 00:37:32,642 --> 00:37:34,554 Excuse me. 420 00:37:35,363 --> 00:37:37,160 Thank you very much. 421 00:37:43,043 --> 00:37:46,194 As a reward for killing the monster... 422 00:37:46,443 --> 00:37:49,594 ...the king's champion will receive... 423 00:37:49,843 --> 00:37:56,033 ...half the princess's hand and the entire kingdom in marriage. 424 00:37:58,644 --> 00:38:00,795 Correction. It is, of course... 425 00:38:01,045 --> 00:38:06,597 It is, of course, the king's hand and half the princess's kingdom. 426 00:38:07,965 --> 00:38:09,318 Excuse me. 427 00:38:12,966 --> 00:38:14,604 Yes, I see. Thank you. 428 00:38:14,806 --> 00:38:18,481 I've just received final confirmation of the final terms. 429 00:38:18,686 --> 00:38:21,200 It is, of course, the princess's hand... 430 00:38:21,406 --> 00:38:25,922 ...and half the entire kingdom. 431 00:40:14,174 --> 00:40:18,053 - Beware the Jabberwock, my son. - Cabbages. 432 00:40:18,254 --> 00:40:22,042 - The jaws that bite... - Can I have one for nothing? 433 00:40:22,414 --> 00:40:23,564 Get off. 434 00:42:04,222 --> 00:42:07,578 Hot roasted rats! Only a farthing. 435 00:42:08,222 --> 00:42:09,541 Rats on a stick! 436 00:42:09,822 --> 00:42:12,780 Shortly, one of you will own this egg... 437 00:42:13,062 --> 00:42:17,375 Get them hot! There you are, sonny. Off you go then. 438 00:42:17,863 --> 00:42:21,822 Here! Get your rats! Only a farthing! 439 00:42:22,023 --> 00:42:25,333 Turnips. Get your turnips. Turnips here. 440 00:42:26,063 --> 00:42:29,373 Turnips. Get your turnips. 441 00:42:49,224 --> 00:42:50,418 Hey, watch it! 442 00:43:04,426 --> 00:43:06,303 Jesus Christ! 443 00:43:09,266 --> 00:43:11,780 I'm sorry. I only wanted a turnip. 444 00:43:11,986 --> 00:43:13,659 Just keep walking. 445 00:43:15,267 --> 00:43:18,623 Hold up one minute. I'll have you out in two shakes. 446 00:43:18,867 --> 00:43:21,222 - Come on! - I've got it, really. 447 00:43:23,867 --> 00:43:25,380 How about that then? 448 00:43:25,667 --> 00:43:29,216 First-class service as advertised. Tell your friends. 449 00:43:33,268 --> 00:43:36,180 - Where do you want it? - By the burnishing pit. 450 00:43:36,388 --> 00:43:38,379 Over by the burnishing pit. 451 00:43:38,588 --> 00:43:43,184 Suppose you want this lot today. What happened? A tree fall on him? 452 00:43:45,628 --> 00:43:47,027 All right up there? 453 00:43:49,588 --> 00:43:52,820 You're the master armourer! Look at this arm brace! 454 00:43:53,029 --> 00:43:54,747 You call that workmanship? 455 00:43:54,949 --> 00:43:57,224 - I can't do... - Look at this jambeau! 456 00:43:57,469 --> 00:43:59,859 - What's wrong with it? - It fell off! 457 00:44:00,070 --> 00:44:01,742 You can't please people. 458 00:44:01,950 --> 00:44:05,101 I sent for the best armour. Arm braces are simple! 459 00:44:05,310 --> 00:44:08,620 I don't want to hear it! You said Friday afternoon! 460 00:44:08,830 --> 00:44:11,504 And to me, that means Friday afternoon! 461 00:44:11,711 --> 00:44:15,101 - I put three of my best men on the job. - No good! 462 00:44:16,071 --> 00:44:17,186 Get back! 463 00:44:17,391 --> 00:44:19,382 Come on, boys. Come on. 464 00:44:20,791 --> 00:44:23,464 And don't bother sending a bill, either! 465 00:44:37,192 --> 00:44:38,625 Excuse me. 466 00:44:43,072 --> 00:44:45,506 Excuse me! I couldn't help noticing... 467 00:44:45,712 --> 00:44:47,704 Get on out of here! 468 00:44:48,833 --> 00:44:53,668 It would increase your efficiency if you moved your box to here. 469 00:45:45,117 --> 00:45:47,585 You clumsy idiot! 470 00:45:47,797 --> 00:45:50,106 - Let's get out of here. - I was trying... 471 00:45:50,317 --> 00:45:52,785 - You did beautifully! - What about him? 472 00:45:52,997 --> 00:45:57,833 Come on! I'll buy you a drink. We'll go to the Queen's Haemorrhoids! 473 00:46:03,579 --> 00:46:05,729 - That better? - Oh, yeah. 474 00:46:05,939 --> 00:46:08,692 - I can't remember when I ate last. - I know. 475 00:46:08,899 --> 00:46:11,459 I once went without food for 147 days. 476 00:46:12,179 --> 00:46:13,612 147 days? 477 00:46:13,859 --> 00:46:16,168 It was the siege of Caerlaverock. 478 00:46:16,379 --> 00:46:20,611 Food was so short... What's the matter? You got a stomachache? 479 00:46:20,939 --> 00:46:23,500 I was trying to work out my next move. 480 00:46:23,820 --> 00:46:27,415 So was I. Jeez, why worry? 481 00:46:27,620 --> 00:46:32,057 I've got to! It's a big step coming from a small village to a city. 482 00:46:32,300 --> 00:46:36,930 I know! That's what attracted me to the life of a squire, the travelling. 483 00:46:37,140 --> 00:46:39,574 One day you're in Hertford hunting... 484 00:46:39,780 --> 00:46:45,811 ...the next you're in Scotland being burned at the stake. The adventure! 485 00:46:46,021 --> 00:46:50,458 Like the time we was fighting the Blessed Sisters of St. Alopecia... 486 00:46:50,661 --> 00:46:52,413 ...a band of warrior nuns. 487 00:46:52,741 --> 00:46:55,539 It sounds exciting. But how secure is it? 488 00:46:55,741 --> 00:46:58,381 - Now, you take coopering... - Coopering? 489 00:46:58,582 --> 00:47:01,893 Coopering! Hell! That's no life for a man! 490 00:47:02,103 --> 00:47:05,175 It is too. Barrels and casks are very important. 491 00:47:05,503 --> 00:47:07,812 - Now, in commerce... - Commerce! 492 00:47:08,223 --> 00:47:11,454 Rubbish! Now you listen to me. 493 00:47:11,703 --> 00:47:16,015 My knight was wounded, and there was I with my back to the wall... 494 00:47:16,223 --> 00:47:19,216 ...two great nuns coming at me with maces. 495 00:47:19,424 --> 00:47:24,179 - Fighting nuns isn't respectable... - Here, I'll show you! Come here! 496 00:47:24,384 --> 00:47:26,420 Now you try. Come at me. Put up! 497 00:47:26,624 --> 00:47:31,061 Pretend that drumstick is a mace. Oh, come on! 498 00:47:31,584 --> 00:47:33,654 Really let me have it. 499 00:47:33,864 --> 00:47:35,013 - Come on! - I can't. 500 00:47:35,344 --> 00:47:37,495 Go for me! I deflected the mace! 501 00:47:40,465 --> 00:47:43,059 Then I grabbed her like this! 502 00:47:43,265 --> 00:47:45,096 - Talk to the landlord. - What? 503 00:47:45,305 --> 00:47:48,183 Then I threw her again like this! 504 00:47:48,505 --> 00:47:50,735 - Distract him. - What for? 505 00:47:51,105 --> 00:47:54,302 She was tough, see, but I grabbed her in the old... 506 00:47:54,505 --> 00:47:57,021 - Keep him talking. - I don't understand. 507 00:47:57,347 --> 00:48:00,419 You will. Just do it! 508 00:48:00,627 --> 00:48:02,743 Now here comes the best part. 509 00:48:02,947 --> 00:48:07,577 She broke my grip. She was coming in for the kill... 510 00:48:07,787 --> 00:48:10,176 ...when I turned tail and ran for it. 511 00:48:10,387 --> 00:48:13,459 Slamming shut the castle doors, I barred them... 512 00:48:13,787 --> 00:48:17,940 ...grabbing one of the novices as a hostage. 513 00:48:18,548 --> 00:48:21,267 I fought my way up to the battlements... 514 00:48:21,468 --> 00:48:23,743 ...hacking and slashing as I went. 515 00:48:23,948 --> 00:48:27,258 All in tears, in cuts! 516 00:48:28,788 --> 00:48:32,906 Easily outdistancing the enemy, I escaped. 517 00:48:50,709 --> 00:48:53,383 Open this up! Open it up! 518 00:48:57,991 --> 00:48:59,185 What the hell? 519 00:49:03,911 --> 00:49:06,505 All right, men. Coming up right away. 520 00:49:07,711 --> 00:49:09,747 Let's have some decorum here. 521 00:49:22,632 --> 00:49:25,704 - What do you want? - Well, I was just wondering... 522 00:49:25,912 --> 00:49:29,541 - Speak up! I'm a busy man. - That's what I wanted to ask. 523 00:49:29,752 --> 00:49:33,143 I used to be a cooper's apprentice, and I was... 524 00:49:33,353 --> 00:49:35,992 Coming up. What is it? Spit it out. 525 00:49:36,193 --> 00:49:39,708 I wondered if you could tell me about the inn business. 526 00:49:39,913 --> 00:49:42,143 - I could change trades... - What, now? 527 00:49:42,353 --> 00:49:45,470 Mr. Rotcod, that party in the corner is waiting! 528 00:49:45,673 --> 00:49:48,745 Tell them it's coming up. Go away! I've no time. 529 00:49:48,953 --> 00:49:53,425 It would help if you put the ale over here and the mead over here. 530 00:49:53,634 --> 00:49:56,353 I noticed you're impairing efficiency by... 531 00:49:56,554 --> 00:49:58,352 Will you get out of my way? 532 00:49:59,315 --> 00:50:03,547 - Betty, come and give me a hand. - Your wife's not here. 533 00:50:03,755 --> 00:50:06,223 - Your wife? - Not here? 534 00:50:06,435 --> 00:50:09,314 Not here? Where is she? 535 00:50:10,316 --> 00:50:12,068 - She's... - She's what? 536 00:50:12,276 --> 00:50:14,232 I don't know. Maybe she's... 537 00:50:14,476 --> 00:50:18,628 And where's your friend, that loudmouthed squire? 538 00:50:20,196 --> 00:50:22,346 - What? - No. 539 00:50:22,556 --> 00:50:24,547 - No what? - They're not upstairs. 540 00:50:24,756 --> 00:50:28,193 I mean, they're not here. No, they're not here. 541 00:50:28,397 --> 00:50:30,706 What? 542 00:50:30,917 --> 00:50:33,067 You swine! 543 00:50:35,157 --> 00:50:38,069 I'm gonna kill him, then I'm gonna kill you! 544 00:50:38,317 --> 00:50:40,228 Right. 545 00:51:14,600 --> 00:51:16,192 You toad! 546 00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:22,993 Right! What's all this? 547 00:51:23,200 --> 00:51:27,114 Brawling in the public streets. Disturbing the king's peace? 548 00:51:27,321 --> 00:51:29,710 This man... My wife... Let go of me. 549 00:51:29,921 --> 00:51:32,799 All right, hold him, Fred. Now young fellow... 550 00:51:33,001 --> 00:51:35,469 Here, I know you! 551 00:51:35,681 --> 00:51:38,673 It was him who tried to get in the other day. 552 00:51:38,921 --> 00:51:42,709 - My wife and the squire... - The dungeon will sort them out. 553 00:51:42,922 --> 00:51:47,074 Right. Then we can put irons on their legs, eh? 554 00:51:47,282 --> 00:51:48,715 - But... - You can't! 555 00:51:48,962 --> 00:51:52,272 Destroy the monster? 556 00:51:52,482 --> 00:51:55,713 If you destroy the monster, you destroy the city. 557 00:51:56,042 --> 00:51:59,240 The long term will show that we owe the monster... 558 00:51:59,443 --> 00:52:03,039 ...a period of prosperity unprecedented in this kingdom. 559 00:52:03,284 --> 00:52:06,515 This is ridiculous. The tournament must continue. 560 00:52:06,724 --> 00:52:08,396 A champion must be chosen. 561 00:52:08,604 --> 00:52:11,516 Bruno, the merchants may be prospering... 562 00:52:11,764 --> 00:52:16,201 ...but your kingdom's collapsing. - Oh, yes. Oh, well... 563 00:52:16,404 --> 00:52:18,520 Now hear this! 564 00:52:19,484 --> 00:52:23,683 The king, that flower of chivalry, that prince of monarchs... 565 00:52:23,885 --> 00:52:27,241 ...that paragon of potentates, is going to speak. 566 00:52:27,845 --> 00:52:30,234 Hear the wisdom, witness the wit... 567 00:52:30,445 --> 00:52:35,997 ...observe the oratorical eloquence, lend an ear. 568 00:52:36,205 --> 00:52:37,354 Beautifully said. 569 00:52:37,605 --> 00:52:40,916 - To the mellow voice, the tender tones... 570 00:52:41,166 --> 00:52:44,203 ...the coruscating consonants... 571 00:52:44,526 --> 00:52:47,882 ...of His Majesty, King Bruno. 572 00:52:49,006 --> 00:52:50,644 Very lovely. Well, l... 573 00:52:50,846 --> 00:52:54,156 - who is going to give it to you straight... 574 00:52:54,406 --> 00:52:57,683 ...clarify the conundrums, dazzle us with logic. 575 00:52:58,488 --> 00:53:00,956 My lords, Your Grace... 576 00:53:01,168 --> 00:53:03,966 ...Your Honour, the king! 577 00:53:05,528 --> 00:53:07,166 Oh! Oh, yes. 578 00:53:07,408 --> 00:53:12,402 Bishop, how can you, a man of God, say that the beast is good? 579 00:53:12,648 --> 00:53:15,401 I welcome your question. 580 00:53:16,128 --> 00:53:18,597 Indeed it may seem paradoxical... 581 00:53:19,649 --> 00:53:23,881 ...but since the advent of the beast, church attendance has tripled! 582 00:53:24,089 --> 00:53:29,527 Tithing has increased. Long lines of sinners wait eagerly for confession. 583 00:53:29,729 --> 00:53:32,607 - Piety has never been higher. - Oh, bravo. 584 00:53:33,969 --> 00:53:37,565 - Well, my lord bishop... - Oh, yes. 585 00:53:37,770 --> 00:53:42,207 The king will speak. The king. 586 00:53:42,410 --> 00:53:43,968 Thank you. 587 00:53:45,610 --> 00:53:47,601 - Guard! - Sire. 588 00:53:47,810 --> 00:53:49,368 - Kill that man. - Sire. 589 00:53:49,570 --> 00:53:52,130 What? Who? 590 00:53:52,810 --> 00:53:55,564 Anyway, the most potent... 591 00:53:57,092 --> 00:53:59,083 ...most poetical... 592 00:53:59,332 --> 00:54:00,890 ...most prestigious... 593 00:54:05,492 --> 00:54:08,848 Well, Your Majesty, what is your opinion? 594 00:54:09,692 --> 00:54:12,764 - Give us guidance. - Even a hint. 595 00:54:12,972 --> 00:54:14,452 I think... 596 00:54:18,033 --> 00:54:20,706 What's that? What's going on here? 597 00:54:21,033 --> 00:54:23,593 Just one moment. 598 00:54:30,153 --> 00:54:31,871 What's going on here? 599 00:54:32,073 --> 00:54:35,669 Who dares sully my castle with unseemly brawls? 600 00:54:35,874 --> 00:54:37,830 Guards, bring them in! 601 00:54:38,714 --> 00:54:40,989 We'll show them who's king here. 602 00:54:41,234 --> 00:54:45,785 - But we have important matters... - Important matters, Passelewe? 603 00:54:45,994 --> 00:54:49,748 Surely keeping the peace in my own castle is important. 604 00:54:49,954 --> 00:54:52,071 First things first! 605 00:54:58,156 --> 00:55:01,068 They'll taste the king's justice. 606 00:55:02,196 --> 00:55:03,595 Put me down! 607 00:55:11,317 --> 00:55:12,432 Silence! 608 00:55:15,237 --> 00:55:16,716 Silence! 609 00:55:17,477 --> 00:55:19,229 Now what's this all about? 610 00:55:19,557 --> 00:55:22,867 - The squire! Behind my back! - Calm, my man. 611 00:55:23,077 --> 00:55:26,308 Remember you're in the presence of your king. 612 00:55:26,517 --> 00:55:28,348 Guards, let him go. 613 00:55:29,798 --> 00:55:31,026 Let him speak. 614 00:55:31,638 --> 00:55:34,277 Your Majesty, this man... 615 00:55:34,558 --> 00:55:36,230 This man... 616 00:55:38,158 --> 00:55:41,468 - What's going on here? - Look out, sire! Get down! 617 00:55:53,839 --> 00:55:55,910 - Hold it! - Get him! 618 00:56:10,681 --> 00:56:12,194 This is outrageous! 619 00:56:14,241 --> 00:56:17,551 - Weren't there two of them to start? - Yes, sir. 620 00:56:18,201 --> 00:56:21,671 - Where's the other one got to? - I don't know, sir. 621 00:56:27,762 --> 00:56:32,153 Right. Then it falls upon us to find this man guilty. 622 00:56:33,442 --> 00:56:36,434 Guilty? Guilty of what, sire? 623 00:56:37,242 --> 00:56:38,561 Cannibalism. 624 00:56:48,483 --> 00:56:51,395 - Keep your eyes peeled. - Right. 625 00:56:52,683 --> 00:56:55,517 Quick, down this way! 626 00:57:35,726 --> 00:57:39,241 - Check up there. - No. Come on! 627 00:57:48,887 --> 00:57:51,003 A man! 628 00:57:51,207 --> 00:57:52,799 Watch the princess! 629 00:57:54,287 --> 00:57:57,439 - A man! - At last you've come! 630 00:58:01,449 --> 00:58:03,963 - I'm sorry, barging in... - Don't be shy. 631 00:58:04,169 --> 00:58:05,841 I knew you'd come someday. 632 00:58:06,049 --> 00:58:09,803 - I was coming up the stairs... - Put this on. You turn around! 633 00:58:10,169 --> 00:58:14,321 - I don't want to bother... - You must have travelled far to come. 634 00:58:14,529 --> 00:58:18,283 Swum rivers, climbed mountains, fought battles. 635 00:58:18,489 --> 00:58:20,526 You can turn around now. 636 00:58:22,690 --> 00:58:25,887 There. Do I come up to your expectations? 637 00:58:26,090 --> 00:58:28,843 Do you find me beautiful? 638 00:58:29,170 --> 00:58:30,762 Oh, yes. Thank you. 639 00:58:31,130 --> 00:58:34,247 Oh, come, my prince. Don't be shy. 640 00:58:34,490 --> 00:58:37,482 But I can't. I'm not dressed for the occasion. 641 00:58:37,690 --> 00:58:38,840 Tush. 642 00:58:39,811 --> 00:58:43,599 You mustn't worry about those filthy peasant rags... 643 00:58:43,851 --> 00:58:47,002 ...which you were no doubt forced to don. 644 00:58:47,491 --> 00:58:51,166 Soon we'll have you attired once more in princely finery. 645 00:58:51,371 --> 00:58:54,010 No. You see, there's been some mistake. 646 00:58:54,211 --> 00:58:56,885 - My name is Dennis. - Prince Dennis. 647 00:58:57,092 --> 00:59:01,644 - No, Dennis Cooper. I used to be... - Your face. You're wounded. 648 00:59:01,853 --> 00:59:05,323 - No, it's nothing. Just a bruise. - Just a bruise? 649 00:59:05,533 --> 00:59:07,649 How brave you are, my prince... 650 00:59:07,853 --> 00:59:11,243 ...for surely it must have been a terrible blow. 651 00:59:11,453 --> 00:59:13,205 No, an innkeeper sat on me. 652 00:59:13,413 --> 00:59:15,369 You see, he thought... 653 00:59:15,573 --> 00:59:18,691 Well, this squire, you see, his wife... 654 00:59:18,894 --> 00:59:22,091 What, the innkeeper's wife was a squire? 655 00:59:22,294 --> 00:59:25,570 I've been dreaming of this day for so long... 656 00:59:25,774 --> 00:59:30,564 ...but little did I expect one so brave and valiant and wise... 657 00:59:30,774 --> 00:59:33,925 ...one who's crossed the seven seas for me... 658 00:59:34,134 --> 00:59:39,004 ...and galloped across deserts and canyons to be by my side at last. 659 00:59:39,215 --> 00:59:41,012 - My love. - Come. 660 00:59:42,095 --> 00:59:43,926 Tell me of your adventures. 661 00:59:44,175 --> 00:59:47,485 We must get to know each other before we're married. 662 00:59:47,695 --> 00:59:51,768 Married? No, I'm sorry, miss. I can't do that. 663 00:59:51,975 --> 00:59:56,767 Can't? My prince, did I hear you right? 664 00:59:57,417 --> 01:00:02,172 - It's very kind of you to ask... - No, don't tell me. I know. 665 01:00:02,457 --> 01:00:03,890 - I know. - You know? 666 01:00:04,097 --> 01:00:09,933 In your adventures, you rescued a maiden chained to a dark cliff. 667 01:00:10,137 --> 01:00:13,687 - No, not exactly. - She fell in love. You fell in love. 668 01:00:13,898 --> 01:00:19,450 There and then before the gods, you made a pact only death could break. 669 01:00:19,698 --> 01:00:22,087 - No, you're on the wrong tack. - Come. 670 01:00:22,418 --> 01:00:25,091 You must not linger in idle conversation. 671 01:00:25,818 --> 01:00:28,616 You gained entry to the castle by stealth... 672 01:00:28,818 --> 01:00:32,129 ...and now you must leave in the same way. 673 01:00:32,339 --> 01:00:33,658 I know. 674 01:00:33,939 --> 01:00:37,011 Sister Jessica, give your habit to the prince. 675 01:00:37,339 --> 01:00:39,978 - My habit, princess? - Yes, and hurry. 676 01:00:40,179 --> 01:00:43,137 But what's wrong with Sister Marian's habit? 677 01:00:43,419 --> 01:00:45,649 Don't be silly. Here. 678 01:00:50,059 --> 01:00:52,858 Now, my prince, this is the plan. 679 01:00:53,780 --> 01:00:57,091 Tomorrow is St. Talulah's Day, and by first light... 680 01:00:57,301 --> 01:01:00,850 ...a nun must depart this city and lay fresh dogwort... 681 01:01:01,061 --> 01:01:05,452 ...on the spot where St. Talulah was murdered by the Benslow Four. 682 01:01:07,621 --> 01:01:10,739 You shall be that nun. Sister Jessica? 683 01:01:12,342 --> 01:01:13,934 Sister Jessica. 684 01:01:16,342 --> 01:01:19,857 - Well, give it to the prince. - Thank you, Sister... 685 01:01:24,702 --> 01:01:27,136 Then, proceed to the western wall... 686 01:01:27,422 --> 01:01:29,573 ...but by the back streets only! 687 01:01:29,783 --> 01:01:31,978 When you get to the gate, say: 688 01:01:32,183 --> 01:01:35,220 "I have the holy dogwort for St. Talulah's spot. 689 01:01:35,423 --> 01:01:38,699 Let me pass that I might pray awhile." 690 01:01:44,343 --> 01:01:46,573 Oh, my prince. 691 01:01:47,544 --> 01:01:49,978 - Is this yours? - Yes. No! 692 01:01:50,224 --> 01:01:52,818 Please let me have it. 693 01:01:53,024 --> 01:01:57,143 Let me have it as a souvenir of our hopeless, flawless love. 694 01:01:57,385 --> 01:01:59,615 - I'll cherish it always. - I can't... 695 01:01:59,825 --> 01:02:02,339 And now, my prince, you must flee! 696 01:02:02,545 --> 01:02:05,218 No! No, don't kiss me. 697 01:02:05,425 --> 01:02:08,020 - I couldn't stand it. - I wasn't going to. 698 01:02:08,226 --> 01:02:09,261 Just go. 699 01:02:09,466 --> 01:02:12,026 Just go, my prince. 700 01:02:12,226 --> 01:02:13,705 And remember: 701 01:02:13,906 --> 01:02:18,184 "I have the holy dogwort for St. Talulah's spot." 702 01:02:18,386 --> 01:02:20,775 In Latin, my love. 703 01:03:01,549 --> 01:03:03,268 - Evening, Sister. - Evening. 704 01:03:27,791 --> 01:03:29,668 What have we got here? 705 01:03:29,911 --> 01:03:32,220 A strange face? 706 01:03:32,431 --> 01:03:34,740 And a pretty one. 707 01:03:34,951 --> 01:03:38,227 Well, now, let's have a look. Let's have a kiss! 708 01:03:38,431 --> 01:03:41,583 - Come on, sarge. She's a nun. - So she is. 709 01:03:42,112 --> 01:03:45,707 Let's have a Christian kiss. 710 01:03:51,352 --> 01:03:56,222 - What's the matter, sarge? - Put me to bed, boys. Put me to bed. 711 01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:11,710 - It's the devil in the guise of a nun! - It's a nun in the guise of the devil! 712 01:04:11,920 --> 01:04:13,035 - Get her! - Get him! 713 01:04:13,240 --> 01:04:15,196 Get them both! 714 01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:19,832 Citizens! A sacrifice must be made to the monster... 715 01:04:20,041 --> 01:04:23,317 ...that lurks in the darkness in wait for us all! 716 01:04:23,681 --> 01:04:28,357 And what better than to sacrifice one of the beast's own servants... 717 01:04:28,681 --> 01:04:33,232 ...whom we caught masquerading as a holy sister of the Mother Church? 718 01:04:38,442 --> 01:04:41,434 We will fire him into the eternal darkness... 719 01:04:41,762 --> 01:04:45,721 ...as a testimony to our piety and godliness. 720 01:04:47,962 --> 01:04:51,318 Imagine his agony as the flames rise higher... 721 01:04:51,682 --> 01:04:54,880 ...higher until he is but a ball of living fire! 722 01:04:55,123 --> 01:04:56,352 Oh, the agony! 723 01:04:57,244 --> 01:05:01,032 Imagine his horror as the mighty ballistic device... 724 01:05:01,244 --> 01:05:05,237 ...hurls him high into the depths of the blackened sky! 725 01:05:05,564 --> 01:05:08,397 Are you imagining the horror? 726 01:05:08,644 --> 01:05:11,716 Imagine the terror of his suspense... 727 01:05:12,004 --> 01:05:14,518 ...as our poor sacrifice waits... 728 01:05:14,764 --> 01:05:20,601 ...for the darkling earth to rise up and crush him to its harsh bosom! 729 01:05:20,925 --> 01:05:22,643 Oh, the suspense! 730 01:05:22,965 --> 01:05:26,162 - The incertitude! - Oh, the incertitude! 731 01:05:26,365 --> 01:05:27,764 I like suspense. 732 01:05:28,085 --> 01:05:30,360 Imagine his final horror... 733 01:05:30,605 --> 01:05:33,438 ...as his miserable life is snuffed out... 734 01:05:33,686 --> 01:05:37,520 ...in a glorious bone-crushing cascade of phosphorescence... 735 01:05:37,726 --> 01:05:42,754 ...as he finally, agonizingly smashes into the ground! 736 01:05:46,646 --> 01:05:51,481 - That's not fair, that. - No, it's definitely not fair. 737 01:05:51,686 --> 01:05:52,881 What's not fair? 738 01:05:53,127 --> 01:05:56,643 - How come he gets to go? - Why should he have the pain? 739 01:05:56,888 --> 01:05:59,880 And that bone-crushing horror. I want to go! 740 01:06:00,128 --> 01:06:02,119 - I want to go! - I want to burn. 741 01:06:02,328 --> 01:06:05,798 I want to feel my bones burst into a billion pieces! 742 01:06:06,008 --> 01:06:08,681 I want to trace across the firmament... 743 01:06:08,888 --> 01:06:10,765 ...a glowing ball of flame... 744 01:06:10,968 --> 01:06:14,518 ...a testament to our godliness and piety! 745 01:06:14,729 --> 01:06:18,244 - What does that mean? - I don't know, but I want it! 746 01:06:18,449 --> 01:06:19,848 I want it! 747 01:06:30,690 --> 01:06:33,568 - Hot! - Fire! 748 01:06:42,090 --> 01:06:44,604 Nice. 749 01:06:49,211 --> 01:06:52,601 Another glorious day for a tournament, eh, Passelewe? 750 01:06:52,811 --> 01:06:54,689 I suppose so, Your Majesty. 751 01:06:55,572 --> 01:06:57,051 You suppose so? 752 01:06:57,252 --> 01:06:58,890 Suppose so? 753 01:06:59,092 --> 01:07:02,562 Buck up, man. Buck up. It's tournament time! 754 01:07:03,492 --> 01:07:04,845 Certainly, Majesty. 755 01:07:05,332 --> 01:07:10,202 But I can't but think there must be a better way to choose a champion. 756 01:07:10,413 --> 01:07:14,770 A better way? What better than the shattering of lances? 757 01:07:14,973 --> 01:07:18,170 The flailing of the mace? The thrust of swords? 758 01:07:18,373 --> 01:07:20,762 The ring of fauchon en cuissard? 759 01:07:20,973 --> 01:07:26,843 What better way than an honest tournament, Passelewe? Yes. 760 01:07:28,214 --> 01:07:31,809 My dear, how beautiful you look. 761 01:07:34,094 --> 01:07:35,732 Yes. 762 01:07:37,974 --> 01:07:41,808 - What on earth is that? - But, Dad... 763 01:07:44,174 --> 01:07:45,653 Daddy! 764 01:08:02,456 --> 01:08:05,051 Look at that! Did you see that? 765 01:08:05,257 --> 01:08:10,456 Right in the middle of the old demi-brassarts. Jolly good. Bravo! 766 01:08:10,657 --> 01:08:14,093 Another one on the maimed list. Probably dead by now. 767 01:08:14,297 --> 01:08:16,970 A scratch. Plenty more where he came from. 768 01:08:17,177 --> 01:08:19,452 Not really, sire. 769 01:08:19,657 --> 01:08:23,411 What do you mean, Passelewe, "Not really, sire"? 770 01:08:23,618 --> 01:08:27,372 Now, which part of this is giving you difficulty? 771 01:08:27,578 --> 01:08:31,127 Well, all of it, frankly. What do you mean by it? 772 01:08:31,338 --> 01:08:37,254 I mean by saying "Not really, sire," the true situation is likely to be... 773 01:08:37,458 --> 01:08:39,574 ...ipso facto, to the contrary... 774 01:08:39,778 --> 01:08:43,215 ...and the exact opposite to that which you perceive. 775 01:08:43,419 --> 01:08:47,378 I appended, because, after all, you are the king, aren't you? 776 01:08:47,579 --> 01:08:50,889 And that's a reasonable way of addressing a monarch. 777 01:08:51,099 --> 01:08:53,819 - Daddy. - What is it, darling? 778 01:08:54,020 --> 01:08:57,251 - What is it? - Look at that brute of a knight. 779 01:08:57,460 --> 01:09:03,855 - I couldn't marry anything like that. - Of course not. You won't have to. 780 01:09:04,061 --> 01:09:06,131 He won't... 781 01:09:08,661 --> 01:09:10,777 ...win. 782 01:09:12,261 --> 01:09:15,298 Passelewe, what were we discussing a moment ago? 783 01:09:15,501 --> 01:09:20,371 - The toll of your knights, sire. - Now, just a moment, Passelewe. 784 01:09:20,582 --> 01:09:25,975 You used that "sire" for the same reason you used it in the first place? 785 01:09:26,182 --> 01:09:27,979 - Right. - Right. 786 01:09:28,182 --> 01:09:29,854 - I thought so. - Right. 787 01:09:30,062 --> 01:09:34,852 According to my records, 65% of the knights of your realm... 788 01:09:35,062 --> 01:09:38,134 ...have been killed or maimed in the tournament. 789 01:09:38,382 --> 01:09:42,456 Passelewe, that's no figure at all. No figure at all. 790 01:09:42,663 --> 01:09:48,977 Now, if it was 83.3% or 97.4%, now that is a true percentage... 791 01:09:49,183 --> 01:09:52,698 ...in the truest sense. - My dearest Bruno, do listen. 792 01:09:52,904 --> 01:09:56,613 If this continues, even until the end of the week, where... 793 01:09:56,824 --> 01:09:58,258 - Hold it! - What? 794 01:09:58,465 --> 01:10:01,502 This one I must see. 795 01:10:05,305 --> 01:10:08,058 There must be a better way of choosing. 796 01:10:11,465 --> 01:10:15,253 Ethel? Is that you, Ethel? 797 01:10:15,465 --> 01:10:18,663 I wondered what happened to you last night. 798 01:10:18,906 --> 01:10:21,466 Can't talk. Due in the lists in 10 minutes. 799 01:10:21,666 --> 01:10:24,226 I'm coming, Mother. 800 01:10:26,706 --> 01:10:29,937 Watch where you're getting the blood! Christ! 801 01:10:30,226 --> 01:10:34,663 - How else can we choose a champion? - We could call an election. 802 01:10:34,906 --> 01:10:40,698 Election? Oh, no. Nonsense. It wouldn't be fair to the knights. 803 01:10:40,907 --> 01:10:45,822 - They could draw lots. - Draw lots? 804 01:10:47,147 --> 01:10:52,175 Bless my soul. You might as well do it dip, dip, dip, my little ship... 805 01:10:52,387 --> 01:10:55,461 ...or one potato, two potatoes. 806 01:10:55,709 --> 01:10:59,224 Or even hide and seek. 807 01:11:00,469 --> 01:11:05,259 48, 49, 50! 808 01:11:05,509 --> 01:11:07,625 Coming! 809 01:11:13,389 --> 01:11:16,268 The cardinal said, "I asked for 13 vergers. 810 01:11:16,510 --> 01:11:20,219 Why have you brought me 13 virgins?" 811 01:11:20,470 --> 01:11:24,861 Now, we're in the garden and a thousand voices said as one man: 812 01:11:25,070 --> 01:11:29,427 "Ave, ave, passed through this way." 813 01:11:30,910 --> 01:11:34,028 Ave, ave, what? 814 01:11:34,631 --> 01:11:37,509 - Why do I need to say ave? - Just sit back... 815 01:11:37,711 --> 01:11:41,021 ...and let something nice happen to you for a change. 816 01:11:41,231 --> 01:11:45,110 Looks like they've chosen a champion. Can you see who it is? 817 01:11:49,511 --> 01:11:52,391 It's my boss. Christ. 818 01:11:52,713 --> 01:11:56,069 Well, congratulations, sire. We have a champion. 819 01:11:56,273 --> 01:11:58,662 Good. Where is he? 820 01:11:58,913 --> 01:12:01,222 They haven't found him yet. 821 01:12:01,433 --> 01:12:05,631 - Is that good? - Yes. That's what makes him a champion. 822 01:12:06,113 --> 01:12:08,229 I see. 823 01:12:13,314 --> 01:12:16,226 They will find him, won't they? 824 01:12:19,394 --> 01:12:23,592 - You must be very proud. - Proud, you shit? Shit! 825 01:12:23,794 --> 01:12:27,469 - Isn't that a great honour? - Maybe he'll get the honour. 826 01:12:27,714 --> 01:12:32,630 I'll get a dragon's tooth up my bum and a shilling-a-year pension. 827 01:12:32,835 --> 01:12:39,024 I'll have to sit vigil with him all night as well. Christ, what luck! 828 01:12:40,435 --> 01:12:43,791 I promised my body to a woman tonight. 829 01:12:43,995 --> 01:12:47,829 Maybe I could go and tell the lady that... 830 01:12:51,156 --> 01:12:53,432 Wait a minute. Maybe you could do it. 831 01:12:53,637 --> 01:12:56,276 Certainly I could. I'll tell the lady... 832 01:12:56,477 --> 01:13:01,028 - No, no, not that. Sit the vigil. - Me? 833 01:13:01,237 --> 01:13:05,276 I could give you my hat, my cape. 834 01:13:05,477 --> 01:13:08,038 Just keep your head down. He'll never know. 835 01:13:08,238 --> 01:13:11,947 - I can't do that. It's not right. - Who'll know? Come on! 836 01:13:21,238 --> 01:13:23,877 - A beast! - Here I am. 837 01:13:24,078 --> 01:13:26,229 Oh, not you! 838 01:13:29,239 --> 01:13:31,230 Forget it. 839 01:14:26,483 --> 01:14:30,635 - Squire? What squire? - You know what squire. 840 01:14:30,843 --> 01:14:35,633 Oh, my rheumatism. That cell was so damp. Two whole nights. 841 01:14:35,883 --> 01:14:37,874 Oh, you poor dear. 842 01:14:38,083 --> 01:14:41,440 Come, let me undress you and put you to bed. 843 01:14:41,644 --> 01:14:44,875 It must have been an awful experience. 844 01:14:45,124 --> 01:14:46,842 It was. 845 01:14:47,044 --> 01:14:52,073 Oh, Betty. Your hands are so soft and warm. 846 01:14:52,325 --> 01:14:57,240 You don't really think there was a squire up here in our bed, do you? 847 01:14:57,485 --> 01:15:01,684 - Well... - Do you? Come, let me take those off. 848 01:15:01,886 --> 01:15:04,241 And that. 849 01:15:04,766 --> 01:15:07,439 Doesn't that feel better? 850 01:15:09,486 --> 01:15:13,035 Bernard, my darling. 851 01:15:26,127 --> 01:15:27,560 Come. 852 01:15:56,569 --> 01:15:58,367 Citizens... 853 01:15:58,610 --> 01:16:01,044 ...nobles... 854 01:16:01,330 --> 01:16:03,082 ...gentry! 855 01:16:03,330 --> 01:16:05,366 The king. 856 01:16:06,770 --> 01:16:08,488 Me? Oh, yes. 857 01:16:12,250 --> 01:16:17,644 Good Sir Knight, you have proved your worth on the field of honour. 858 01:16:22,171 --> 01:16:25,686 And now you must prove yourself in mortal combat... 859 01:16:25,931 --> 01:16:30,641 ...with a monster so terrifying, so awe-inspiring, so horrible... 860 01:16:30,891 --> 01:16:35,727 ...so soul-destroying that even I would hesitate... 861 01:16:36,652 --> 01:16:40,486 ...to meet it face to face... 862 01:16:40,732 --> 01:16:45,362 ...in hand-to-hand combat. Was that all right? 863 01:16:46,052 --> 01:16:48,327 Well, I suppose so, my darling. 864 01:16:49,372 --> 01:16:53,526 And so, go forth and slay the beast. 865 01:16:55,374 --> 01:16:59,447 And take with you the royal blessings... 866 01:16:59,694 --> 01:17:04,848 ...and also the blessings of Mother Church. 867 01:17:06,414 --> 01:17:08,245 Bishop! 868 01:17:26,815 --> 01:17:30,046 - Get out of here! - Bloody sods! 869 01:18:02,658 --> 01:18:05,126 - Is that all? - That's it. 870 01:18:10,419 --> 01:18:13,252 Right. Herald? 871 01:18:14,699 --> 01:18:17,452 Have the gates opened. 872 01:18:19,219 --> 01:18:21,653 Well, carry on! 873 01:18:22,539 --> 01:18:24,848 Open the gates! 874 01:18:40,660 --> 01:18:42,651 Fare well. 875 01:18:45,020 --> 01:18:46,533 Wait! 876 01:18:53,822 --> 01:18:56,859 He took his vorpal sword in hand 877 01:18:57,062 --> 01:19:00,577 Long time the manxome foe he sought 878 01:19:01,142 --> 01:19:04,930 So rested he by the Tumtum tree 879 01:19:05,142 --> 01:19:08,613 And stood awhile in thought 880 01:19:09,223 --> 01:19:12,181 And as in uffish thought he stood 881 01:19:12,383 --> 01:19:15,580 The Jabberwock, with eyes aflame 882 01:19:15,783 --> 01:19:19,298 Came whiffling through the tulgey wood 883 01:19:19,503 --> 01:19:23,257 And burbled as it came 884 01:19:24,143 --> 01:19:26,055 Lance. 885 01:19:26,744 --> 01:19:29,861 Lance, lance. 886 01:19:48,025 --> 01:19:50,459 Come on. Come on. 887 01:20:25,748 --> 01:20:27,466 Griselda. 888 01:20:31,188 --> 01:20:34,066 Go get them, boys! 889 01:20:38,908 --> 01:20:41,343 Monster? Monster? 890 01:20:44,349 --> 01:20:46,658 Where monster? 891 01:20:51,110 --> 01:20:53,146 There he is! 892 01:20:55,830 --> 01:20:58,867 Don't let him get away. 893 01:20:59,631 --> 01:21:02,429 Monster? Monster? 894 01:21:26,152 --> 01:21:28,905 I am here, Griselda. Fear not. 895 01:21:29,152 --> 01:21:34,670 Gee, a knight! I never saw a knight before. 896 01:21:35,852 --> 01:21:37,969 Oh, Mr. Fishfinger! 897 01:21:38,213 --> 01:21:40,602 Oh, stop dribbling, woman. 898 01:21:40,813 --> 01:21:45,807 Oh, bless you. O noble lad. Oh, thank you. 899 01:21:46,013 --> 01:21:48,811 Stand aside, Mrs. Fishfinger. 900 01:21:53,214 --> 01:21:55,091 Sorry. Are you all right? 901 01:21:55,775 --> 01:21:58,209 You almost cut my arm off! 902 01:21:58,455 --> 01:22:03,210 You always were a clumsy one, Dennis Cooper. 903 01:22:03,455 --> 01:22:05,571 Shame on you! 904 01:22:05,775 --> 01:22:09,404 Get out! Jesus! 905 01:22:09,655 --> 01:22:13,011 I could get blood poisoning. Was that sword sterilized? 906 01:22:13,215 --> 01:22:17,573 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'll bind it up. I'll get bandages. 907 01:22:17,816 --> 01:22:19,772 Jesus. Get off! 908 01:22:21,376 --> 01:22:23,173 Dad! 909 01:22:23,976 --> 01:22:26,774 - What? - Look. 910 01:22:31,696 --> 01:22:34,416 Good Sir Knight. Good Sir Knight. 911 01:22:34,617 --> 01:22:39,008 We're so grateful to you for rescuing us from those foul fiends. 912 01:22:39,257 --> 01:22:41,373 Upsy-daisy. 913 01:22:42,457 --> 01:22:44,413 Very gracious of you, Sir Knight. 914 01:22:44,617 --> 01:22:49,088 We're very undeserving, really. We're just humble fisher folk. 915 01:22:49,297 --> 01:22:52,132 However, we do have this maiden daughter. 916 01:22:52,339 --> 01:22:54,170 As there is this custom... 917 01:22:54,379 --> 01:22:58,372 ...the knight quite often marries the maiden he's rescued. 918 01:22:58,579 --> 01:23:01,013 Say hello to the knight, Griselda honey. 919 01:23:01,259 --> 01:23:03,693 It was me that rescued you. 920 01:23:03,939 --> 01:23:07,648 Will you clear off? What do you say, Sir Knight? 921 01:23:08,019 --> 01:23:09,975 Good Sir Knight. 922 01:23:17,460 --> 01:23:19,451 - Well? - Hark. Be gone. 923 01:23:19,660 --> 01:23:21,890 - Wait! - Come back here! 924 01:23:22,140 --> 01:23:24,813 Sir Knight, come back, please! 925 01:23:25,020 --> 01:23:29,093 Griselda. Mr. Fishfinger. I've got to go. Sorry about your hand. 926 01:23:29,340 --> 01:23:30,615 It hurts! 927 01:23:30,861 --> 01:23:33,580 I've missed you. I've kept your potato. 928 01:23:33,781 --> 01:23:35,339 Bye! 929 01:23:36,181 --> 01:23:39,218 You really are a big disappointment to me. 930 01:23:39,461 --> 01:23:42,373 I thought you were gonna make something of yourself. 931 01:23:42,621 --> 01:23:44,771 He is the king's champion! 932 01:23:45,021 --> 01:23:49,891 Call yourself an eligible suitor for our fair Griselda? You're a vagrant! 933 01:23:50,103 --> 01:23:52,412 Hold him, Madge. Hold him! 934 01:23:52,623 --> 01:23:54,898 You leave her alone. Leave her alone. 935 01:23:59,343 --> 01:24:01,299 Go on! 936 01:24:38,665 --> 01:24:40,462 Someone at the door, dear. 937 01:24:41,265 --> 01:24:43,574 - We must make up our minds. - Gentlemen! 938 01:24:43,785 --> 01:24:46,346 - We can't delay. - Let's do something. 939 01:24:46,546 --> 01:24:49,140 This king's champion must be stopped. 940 01:24:49,346 --> 01:24:52,225 The monster must be protected. 941 01:24:52,427 --> 01:24:55,544 If he kills the monster, we'll all be ruined. 942 01:24:55,747 --> 01:24:57,339 Let me prevail upon you. 943 01:24:57,547 --> 01:25:03,543 No more argy-bargy is necessary because I have a plan. 944 01:25:09,188 --> 01:25:13,022 Behold! The Black Knight. 945 01:25:14,988 --> 01:25:16,785 Wonderful! 946 01:26:14,032 --> 01:26:15,784 We must be getting closer. 947 01:27:25,157 --> 01:27:27,796 Grease. Grease. 948 01:27:50,199 --> 01:27:52,235 Now that. 949 01:28:51,444 --> 01:28:53,480 Get him. 950 01:34:13,386 --> 01:34:16,378 And hast thou slain the Jabberwock? 951 01:34:16,586 --> 01:34:19,817 Come to my arms, my beamish boy 952 01:34:20,026 --> 01:34:23,416 - Oh, frabjous day! - The monster's dead! 953 01:34:23,626 --> 01:34:26,060 The monster's dead! 954 01:34:58,989 --> 01:35:02,538 Stop! No one's to enter the city unless they have money. 955 01:35:02,749 --> 01:35:04,899 Stop, I say! 956 01:35:18,590 --> 01:35:20,706 Oh, my God! 957 01:35:22,830 --> 01:35:25,902 Cancel those shipments of wine, grain, straw! 958 01:35:26,110 --> 01:35:27,988 Cancel everything! 959 01:35:41,231 --> 01:35:46,465 - Dennis, here she is. Griselda! - Here I am. 960 01:35:47,512 --> 01:35:49,310 It's me! 961 01:35:51,673 --> 01:35:53,868 Dennis, it was always you! 962 01:35:54,073 --> 01:35:56,189 You's the one we was pushing for. 963 01:35:56,393 --> 01:35:59,385 We'll have the wedding tomorrow. This afternoon. 964 01:35:59,593 --> 01:36:01,868 We'll get the bishop. 965 01:36:02,913 --> 01:36:04,710 Dennis, you're wonderful. 966 01:36:04,913 --> 01:36:09,669 Griselda, at last we can have the life we always wanted. 967 01:36:38,875 --> 01:36:41,548 My boy, congratulations. 968 01:36:41,755 --> 01:36:44,316 We offer you our heartfelt thanks. 969 01:36:44,596 --> 01:36:47,669 You have cleared the kingdom of a great menace. 970 01:36:47,917 --> 01:36:54,516 I am happy to fulfill my promise and to bestow upon you... 971 01:36:54,717 --> 01:36:56,992 - What's his name? - It's Dennis. 972 01:36:57,197 --> 01:37:01,156 Dennis Cooper, Your Royalshipness. That's his fiancée, my daughter. 973 01:37:01,357 --> 01:37:03,428 You, Dennis... 974 01:37:03,638 --> 01:37:06,675 ...one half of my entire kingdom. 975 01:37:09,198 --> 01:37:13,714 And the hand in marriage of my daughter, the princess. 976 01:37:13,918 --> 01:37:17,354 Come, my boy. To the palace! 977 01:37:20,879 --> 01:37:22,835 Griselda! 978 01:37:23,919 --> 01:37:26,592 I pronounce you man and wife. 979 01:37:26,799 --> 01:37:29,632 Prince and princess! 980 01:37:45,680 --> 01:37:47,558 Dennis! 981 01:37:48,521 --> 01:37:50,318 Griselda! 982 01:37:53,121 --> 01:37:57,353 Whose idea was it to run him off without a wedding? Shut up! 983 01:38:08,722 --> 01:38:10,618 Look out, sire! 984 01:40:46,633 --> 01:40:48,462 Subtitles by SDI Media Group