1
00:00:44,860 --> 00:00:46,220
Light your nuts on fire.
2
00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:49,100
Fuck! Fuck! My hands!
3
00:00:49,180 --> 00:00:51,100
Too hot for Jonah!
4
00:00:51,180 --> 00:00:53,500
I got fucking water
in my mouth!
5
00:01:11,580 --> 00:01:13,300
Oh, my God!
6
00:01:19,260 --> 00:01:21,860
I got to get off! I got
to get off! Got to get off!
Got to get off!
7
00:01:38,780 --> 00:01:40,540
Sadie, wake up!
8
00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:42,940
Oh, my gosh!
9
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,740
Daddy, wake up!
10
00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:48,660
Okay, I'm up.
11
00:01:55,060 --> 00:01:58,380
Is that my genius over here?
Is that my genius?
12
00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:04,260
I need you to take the kids
to school this morning.
13
00:02:04,380 --> 00:02:07,180
I would, but I'm supposed
to work out.
What?
14
00:02:07,260 --> 00:02:10,460
Yeah. I got an appointment
with a trainer. I can't cancel
it now. He'll charge me.
15
00:02:10,540 --> 00:02:12,100
You didn't tell me that.
Yeah, I did.
16
00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:13,980
Last week I told you.
You didn't tell me.
17
00:02:14,060 --> 00:02:16,580
I did. And then I wrote it
on the calendar
like you told me to.
18
00:02:16,660 --> 00:02:17,780
No, you didn't tell me.
19
00:02:17,860 --> 00:02:19,660
I did tell you.
Well, you didn't,
20
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:22,340
but what are we gonna do,
'cause I have an appointment?
21
00:02:22,420 --> 00:02:25,180
So you're taking
the kids to school.
22
00:02:25,260 --> 00:02:28,180
Don't use the baby
to cover your tracks.
23
00:02:28,260 --> 00:02:30,420
I can drive them.
I'll drive them to school.
24
00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:32,660
Thank you very much.
Great. Good.
25
00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:34,540
You turned my sister
into a limo driver.
26
00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:35,980
I don't mind.
It all worked out!
27
00:02:41,860 --> 00:02:44,260
What are you giggling about?
28
00:02:44,780 --> 00:02:48,740
Be quiet.
You're starting to annoy me.
29
00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:52,420
Poo poo.
Ladies. Be nice.
30
00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:54,020
You know what
I did the other day?
What?
31
00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:56,860
I googled "murder."
You googled "murder"?
32
00:02:56,940 --> 00:02:58,220
Yeah.
Why?
33
00:02:58,300 --> 00:02:59,580
I mean, what did it say?
34
00:02:59,660 --> 00:03:01,660
It didn't say anything.
It just showed pictures
35
00:03:01,740 --> 00:03:07,060
of people lying dead
on the floor and blood
everywhere, and...
36
00:03:07,140 --> 00:03:09,220
That was just ketchup.
37
00:03:09,340 --> 00:03:11,700
Who wants to hear some music?
I want to hear Rent.
38
00:03:11,780 --> 00:03:13,860
I want to hear Green Day!
39
00:03:13,940 --> 00:03:15,460
No, we're listening to Rent!
40
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:17,100
Well, I want to listen
to Green Day.
41
00:03:17,180 --> 00:03:18,820
I got your baby!
42
00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:21,220
Don't taunt her. Come on.
Here.
43
00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:24,540
Sadie! Why did you just
do that? Don't throw
things at your sister!
44
00:03:24,620 --> 00:03:25,780
She hit me.
45
00:03:25,860 --> 00:03:28,020
Did you hit her?
I did not.
46
00:03:28,100 --> 00:03:29,860
Make her happy. It's okay.
47
00:03:29,940 --> 00:03:31,700
It won't make her happy.
It's okay. It's okay.
48
00:03:31,780 --> 00:03:33,140
She spilled all the
marbles on the floor.
49
00:03:33,220 --> 00:03:34,340
Well, give her
her marble back.
50
00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:37,380
All right? Are you sure
you understand
the terms of the bet?
51
00:03:37,460 --> 00:03:39,460
Because this is serious.
No.
52
00:03:39,580 --> 00:03:41,660
Martin, all right, listen.
53
00:03:41,740 --> 00:03:45,020
You don't shave your beard
or cut your hair for one year,
54
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:47,140
and if you can do that,
I will pay your rent.
55
00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:50,820
But if you shave,
then you have to pay
all five of our rents.
56
00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:52,100
Thanks for
the free money, bitch.
57
00:03:52,220 --> 00:03:54,340
Hey, Martin, was it weird
when you joined the Taliban,
58
00:03:54,460 --> 00:03:56,100
being American
and everything like that?
59
00:03:56,180 --> 00:03:58,340
Like when you see
a woman driving a car,
do you just get pissed?
60
00:03:58,420 --> 00:04:00,780
Just watch your back, Serpico.
You never know
who your friends are.
61
00:04:01,900 --> 00:04:04,220
Okay, all right. You guys
can't make fun of me
the whole time.
62
00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:07,220
But, Martin, it's a competition.
It's called the Dirty Man Competition.
63
00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:09,060
We're gonna make fun of you
until you shave the beard.
64
00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:10,260
That's the rules.
That's the whole point.
65
00:04:10,340 --> 00:04:11,780
You're supposed to be
tempted into shaving.
66
00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:13,540
Your face looks
like Robin Williams' knuckles.
67
00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:17,260
You guys aren't allowed
to make fun of me.
It's not part of the rules.
68
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:20,100
Martin, why didn't you
just listen to me when
I was explaining the rules?
69
00:04:20,180 --> 00:04:22,340
You just looked
at me with that
blank stare of yours.
70
00:04:22,420 --> 00:04:24,900
It was like talking
to a wax statue.
71
00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:28,220
Okay, guys, are you ready?
72
00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:33,180
So, "Only at
fleshofthestars.com will
customers be able to find
73
00:04:33,260 --> 00:04:38,140
"exactly how long
into what movies their
favorite stars are exposed."
74
00:04:38,220 --> 00:04:39,540
Nice.
Oh, fucking brilliant.
75
00:04:39,620 --> 00:04:40,660
Pretty good, right?
76
00:04:40,740 --> 00:04:42,300
Yeah. Yeah, ka-ching.
We're in.
77
00:04:42,380 --> 00:04:44,100
All right, guys,
let start logging, all right?
78
00:04:44,220 --> 00:04:45,860
Charles Manson?
Do you have
any other thoughts?
79
00:04:45,980 --> 00:04:47,820
Good, awesome,
let's start this off
with a bang.
80
00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:51,220
Jamie Lee Curtis. I got
an hour and 10 minutes
into Trading Places.
81
00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:53,060
Both chesticles.
82
00:04:54,940 --> 00:04:57,780
So if you want that
perfect tan like the stars,
he's the one to see.
83
00:04:57,860 --> 00:05:00,020
We'll be right back
on E! News. Stay with us.
84
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,740
Okay.
Okay, is Jessica Simpson
here yet?
85
00:05:02,820 --> 00:05:04,740
Let me check. Let me see.
86
00:05:04,860 --> 00:05:07,180
Is she on her way?
She's left her house?
Hey, guys?
87
00:05:07,260 --> 00:05:08,500
Okay, let me know
when she's pulling in.
88
00:05:08,580 --> 00:05:10,100
She's about to pull in.
Is she camera-ready?
89
00:05:10,180 --> 00:05:11,260
Is she camera-ready?
90
00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:14,100
If she's gonna be in hair
and makeup for three hours,
I can't do it.
91
00:05:14,180 --> 00:05:16,060
I'm not gonna be here.
I got to do American Idol.
92
00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:18,460
It's live. I got to do it.
I got to be there.
93
00:05:18,540 --> 00:05:20,500
What are we gonna
interview her about?
Nothing personal.
94
00:05:20,580 --> 00:05:22,180
No personal questions.
No personal questions.
95
00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:23,780
Don't ask her about her sister
and her nose job.
96
00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:25,180
No plastic surgery questions.
No plastic...
97
00:05:25,260 --> 00:05:26,300
No personal questions.
98
00:05:26,380 --> 00:05:29,900
She doesn't want to talk about
her boobs or her father's
comments about her boobs.
99
00:05:30,020 --> 00:05:33,740
Great. We'll talk about
the Middle East and maybe
an idea of an exit strategy.
100
00:05:33,860 --> 00:05:34,940
Maybe she has a good pitch.
101
00:05:35,020 --> 00:05:36,460
Should I ask her about Korea?
102
00:05:36,580 --> 00:05:39,260
Maybe have her point it
out to us on a globe?
103
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:41,580
I don't understand
the young talent in this town!
104
00:05:41,700 --> 00:05:44,300
It doesn't make any sense.
I got four jobs.
105
00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:46,500
Hell, I'm more famous
than half the people
we talk to, anyway!
106
00:05:46,620 --> 00:05:47,620
No one stands up.
107
00:05:47,740 --> 00:05:48,740
No one has the balls
to sit them down
108
00:05:48,860 --> 00:05:50,020
and say,
"Look, just cut the shit."
109
00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:51,140
But everybody works for them.
110
00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:53,180
They're all on the payroll.
They're all sucking the teat!
111
00:05:53,260 --> 00:05:57,340
Nobody sits them down,
eye-to-eye, one-on-one,
and says, "Cut the shit."
112
00:05:57,420 --> 00:05:58,860
And all these stars
just fuck it up.
113
00:05:58,980 --> 00:06:00,900
That's what they do.
They fuck my day up!
114
00:06:01,020 --> 00:06:02,500
And it pisses me off.
And now I'm sweating.
115
00:06:02,620 --> 00:06:04,060
Okay, you want to...
You know what?
116
00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:05,820
You want us to just come
and get you
when she gets here?
117
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:07,300
You want to head to
the green room for a minute?
118
00:06:07,420 --> 00:06:08,940
Just chill out? Okay.
Yeah. That's a good idea.
119
00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:10,500
Want us to bring you anything?
You want some water?
120
00:06:10,540 --> 00:06:12,300
You want a cookie?
Cookie, yeah, cookie. Thanks.
121
00:06:12,420 --> 00:06:14,300
Okay, we'll get you a cookie.
Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm pissed.
122
00:06:14,380 --> 00:06:15,740
What do we got?
Chocolate chip?
123
00:06:15,820 --> 00:06:16,900
Allison?
Yeah.
124
00:06:16,940 --> 00:06:18,500
Jack and I need
to see you in his office.
125
00:06:18,580 --> 00:06:19,620
Okay.
126
00:06:20,900 --> 00:06:23,180
Thanks for coming in, Allison.
127
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,060
Well, we wanted
to talk to you today
128
00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:30,140
because we had a little debate
on the conference call
with New York about you.
129
00:06:30,220 --> 00:06:33,180
You... About me?
You were talking about me?
130
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:36,700
We were wondering
aloud to one another
131
00:06:36,780 --> 00:06:39,580
whether or not you would
be good for on camera.
132
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:41,340
What'd you decide?
133
00:06:42,380 --> 00:06:45,220
They... They decided
that they like you,
134
00:06:45,260 --> 00:06:49,500
and they would like
to put you on camera.
135
00:06:49,580 --> 00:06:52,420
Really?
I know.
I was so surprised, too.
136
00:06:52,460 --> 00:06:54,980
Oh, my God.
This is the best news ever.
Thank you so much.
137
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:57,540
This is great!
Congratulations.
138
00:06:57,580 --> 00:07:00,260
Thank you.
I'll take that smile
as a "Yes, I'll do it."
139
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,500
Absolutely. I'm so excited!
Oh, my God.
140
00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:04,860
It's a lot of work. Can't wait
to see what happens.
141
00:07:04,940 --> 00:07:07,140
It's gonna be tough.
Tough job.
142
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,940
About the work,
most immediately,
143
00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:11,180
there's gonna be
some things that you're
gonna be able to get...
144
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:13,420
Okay.
...that other people
in the office don't get.
145
00:07:13,540 --> 00:07:15,300
One of them, gym membership.
146
00:07:15,420 --> 00:07:16,580
You want me to lose weight?
147
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,140
No, I don't
want you to lose weight.
148
00:07:19,260 --> 00:07:21,540
No. We can't legally
ask you to do that.
149
00:07:21,580 --> 00:07:24,780
We didn't say lose weight.
I might say tighten.
150
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:25,980
Tight.
151
00:07:26,060 --> 00:07:28,940
A little tighter?
152
00:07:29,020 --> 00:07:30,860
Just like toned and smaller.
153
00:07:30,940 --> 00:07:34,500
Don't make everything smaller.
I don't want to
generalize that way.
154
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:35,740
Tighter.
155
00:07:35,820 --> 00:07:38,180
We don't want you
to lose weight. We just
want you to be healthy.
156
00:07:38,220 --> 00:07:41,220
Okay.
You know, by eating less.
157
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:45,180
We would just like it
if you go home
and step on a scale
158
00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:48,540
and write down
how much you weigh
and subtract it by, like, 20.
159
00:07:48,620 --> 00:07:51,340
Twenty.
And then weigh that much.
160
00:07:51,420 --> 00:07:54,940
Just remember,
you've got it here,
you've got it here
161
00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:58,020
and everybody's gonna
see you right there.
162
00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:01,260
Yay! That's so exciting!
Oh, my God!
163
00:08:02,380 --> 00:08:03,380
Hey!
164
00:08:03,460 --> 00:08:04,460
Huh?
165
00:08:04,540 --> 00:08:05,900
I got a promotion.
166
00:08:05,980 --> 00:08:07,460
Oh, congratulations!
Thank you.
167
00:08:07,580 --> 00:08:08,940
Hey, maybe you can
get your own place now.
168
00:08:09,020 --> 00:08:10,700
Let's not get ahead
of ourselves.
169
00:08:10,820 --> 00:08:12,220
Yay!
Let's go celebrate.
170
00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:13,900
Okay. Let's do it.
171
00:08:14,020 --> 00:08:15,620
Pete'll watch the kids?
Yeah!
172
00:08:15,740 --> 00:08:17,500
We can watch
Taxicab Confessions.
173
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,100
What are you gonna do?
I don't know!
174
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:21,980
I'm so excited!
175
00:08:23,340 --> 00:08:25,100
I walked in on him
masturbating one night.
176
00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:27,340
Did he get the
deer-in-the-headlights look?
177
00:08:27,460 --> 00:08:29,380
Did he freeze
or did he finish?
178
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:33,340
No, he tried to pretend
like he wasn't doing
anything under the covers.
179
00:08:36,060 --> 00:08:37,220
Oh, no!
180
00:08:37,340 --> 00:08:40,420
I buy these nice towels,
and he whacks off into them.
181
00:08:40,460 --> 00:08:42,620
Deb and Pete, forever.
And...
182
00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:46,340
And once he does that
into them once,
they're never soft ever again.
183
00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:53,060
I can always tell if I'm
looking good based on
whether or not we get in.
184
00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:55,660
Ladies?
Guess we're looking good.
185
00:08:55,740 --> 00:08:57,900
If I didn't get in,
I would've lost my shit.
What's going on, man?
186
00:08:58,020 --> 00:08:59,780
How long you gonna
make us wait out here,
for Christ's sake?
187
00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:00,940
What the fuck?
188
00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:08,580
You know what movie I just
saw again the other day,
which is fucking, like,
189
00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:11,100
mind-blowing,
and I haven't seen it
since it came out is Munich.
190
00:09:11,180 --> 00:09:12,460
Oh, Munich!
191
00:09:12,580 --> 00:09:14,940
Oh, man, Munich fucking rules.
Munich is awesome!
192
00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:18,020
That movie was Eric Bana
kicking fucking ass!
193
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:20,260
Dude, every movie with Jews,
we're the ones getting killed.
194
00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:22,700
Munich flips it on its ear.
We're capping motherfuckers.
195
00:09:22,780 --> 00:09:24,420
Not only killing but fucking,
like, taking names.
196
00:09:24,540 --> 00:09:27,140
If any of us get laid tonight,
it's because
of Eric Bana in Munich.
197
00:09:27,260 --> 00:09:28,260
I agree with that.
I agree.
198
00:09:28,380 --> 00:09:29,860
You know what is not
helping us get laid
199
00:09:29,980 --> 00:09:32,620
is the shoe bomber,
Richard Reid,
over here at our table.
200
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,740
I don't like your shoes.
How is Burning Man this year?
201
00:09:35,820 --> 00:09:38,020
Fuck you guys.
I'm glad I'm not Jewish.
202
00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:40,140
So are we.
Yeah, so are we.
203
00:09:40,260 --> 00:09:42,180
Yeah. Fine, screw it.
204
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:44,460
You weren't chosen
for a reason.
Yeah.
205
00:09:47,140 --> 00:09:49,500
It's like everyone
in here is 12 years old.
206
00:09:52,540 --> 00:09:54,220
Am I too old to be here?
What?
207
00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:56,300
Am I too old to be here?
No, of course not.
208
00:09:56,420 --> 00:09:57,820
Does it look weird
that I'm here?
209
00:09:57,900 --> 00:09:59,100
No, not at all.
210
00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:00,820
Am I hotter than
these little bitches?
211
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,780
Yes! You look amazing.
212
00:10:02,860 --> 00:10:04,940
Guys in here would
fuck me, right?
Yes.
213
00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:07,620
That's weird to say,
but it makes me feel better.
214
00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:09,060
You look hot.
215
00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:10,580
Okay. I believe you.
216
00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:12,420
Okay. I'm getting us drinks.
Okay.
217
00:10:12,540 --> 00:10:14,220
Yo, a beer over here, please?
218
00:10:14,340 --> 00:10:17,700
You're gonna be embarrassed
when you realize
I'm Wilmer Valderrama.
219
00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:18,860
God.
220
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:23,420
Hey, hey! Excuse me!
221
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:25,500
He's literally ignoring
this entire half of the bar.
222
00:10:25,580 --> 00:10:27,460
Don't even bother.
223
00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:29,500
Yeah, awesome.
224
00:10:29,580 --> 00:10:31,620
A beer over here, please?
225
00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:34,220
He looked at us!
Did you see that?
Yeah, that was rough.
226
00:10:34,340 --> 00:10:37,500
Oh, my God. And if
you can't get service,
what am I gonna do, you know?
227
00:10:37,580 --> 00:10:39,620
Great. It's gonna be
that night.
228
00:10:39,660 --> 00:10:42,020
Okay, you want a beer?
Yeah, just...
229
00:10:42,060 --> 00:10:44,140
Well, I'm... Watch this.
230
00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:45,860
Okay? Just observe.
231
00:10:47,660 --> 00:10:48,740
There you go.
Come on, man.
232
00:10:48,780 --> 00:10:51,140
Here you go. For your trouble.
Thank you. There you go.
233
00:10:51,180 --> 00:10:52,420
Thank you.
Okay, enjoy it.
234
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:53,740
Are you sure?
I am sure.
235
00:10:53,860 --> 00:10:56,940
I tried that once before
at the Comedy Store,
and I got punched in the ear.
236
00:10:57,060 --> 00:10:58,220
Thanks a lot.
237
00:10:58,340 --> 00:11:00,740
Oh, fuck, fuck!
I'm supposed
to get one for my sister.
238
00:11:00,780 --> 00:11:03,660
Oh, here, take mine.
No, that's okay. I'll wait.
239
00:11:03,780 --> 00:11:08,580
Please, I very rarely
look cool. This is a big
moment for me. Just take it.
240
00:11:08,660 --> 00:11:10,060
Thank you. Awesome.
No problem.
241
00:11:10,180 --> 00:11:11,940
I'm Allison.
I'm Ben.
242
00:11:15,380 --> 00:11:16,820
Well, have a great night.
Yeah, you, too.
243
00:11:16,940 --> 00:11:18,660
Thanks for the beer.
Okay, enjoy, be nice to them.
244
00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:21,860
Bye. Thanks again.
I'll see you.
No, I'll see you later.
245
00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:24,100
No, I won't
'cause I'm a pussy.
246
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,100
What's up, Ben?
247
00:11:28,180 --> 00:11:31,940
That girl. She totally
gave me an opening, man,
and I locked up.
248
00:11:31,980 --> 00:11:33,900
I just want to get
shit-faced tonight,
though, you know.
249
00:11:34,020 --> 00:11:35,660
I'll just jerk it later.
It's cool.
250
00:11:35,780 --> 00:11:39,620
Are you fucking crazy, man?
She looks smart.
251
00:11:39,660 --> 00:11:41,940
Who's that she's sitting with?
It's her sister.
252
00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:43,140
Her sister?
Yeah.
253
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:45,420
Dude, it's the dream.
What are we doing
standing here, man?
254
00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:47,460
Let's go. Come on, follow me.
You stay here. Stay here.
255
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,100
Why?
Because your face
looks like a vagina.
256
00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:51,780
Dick!
257
00:11:51,820 --> 00:11:54,020
Hey, which one's
the sister?
258
00:11:55,820 --> 00:11:58,860
Hey, Crockett,
you still partying
with Tubbs these days?
259
00:11:59,780 --> 00:12:01,420
Come on, man. I'm getting
it from all angles here.
260
00:12:01,540 --> 00:12:03,460
I don't like it anymore.
I know. I don't, either.
261
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:06,420
Was it weird when you changed
your name from Cat Stevens
to Yusuf Islam?
262
00:12:06,540 --> 00:12:07,780
Yeah, it was really awkward.
263
00:12:07,820 --> 00:12:09,740
All right, man.
I got to take off.
264
00:12:09,780 --> 00:12:11,500
See you, Scorsese-on-coke.
265
00:12:14,540 --> 00:12:15,620
What's that?
266
00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:17,220
Chewbacca.
You know, it's Chewie.
267
00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:19,220
Oh, another beard joke.
Fuck.
268
00:12:19,340 --> 00:12:20,780
Fucking hilarious!
269
00:12:22,660 --> 00:12:23,700
Hey.
Hey.
270
00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:25,940
Hi, this is my friend, Jason.
271
00:12:26,060 --> 00:12:28,660
I just wanted to see
how my beers were doing.
272
00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:30,460
This is my sister, Debbie.
273
00:12:30,540 --> 00:12:31,540
Oh, hi, I'm Ben.
274
00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:32,980
Hi. Ben?
Yes.
275
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,180
Nice to meet you.
276
00:12:34,260 --> 00:12:36,340
How you doing?
Good, how are you?
277
00:12:36,460 --> 00:12:37,740
Just trying not to stare.
278
00:12:37,860 --> 00:12:38,940
She's married.
279
00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:40,300
Why do you have to say that?
280
00:12:40,420 --> 00:12:42,180
What?
It's a shame.
281
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:43,340
You're beautiful.
282
00:12:43,420 --> 00:12:44,380
Thank you.
283
00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:46,100
She has two kids, too.
284
00:12:46,180 --> 00:12:47,260
Shut up!
285
00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:48,500
What? It's nothing
to be ashamed of.
286
00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,180
You think that's gonna
stop him from hitting on her?
287
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:51,740
It's not at all.
288
00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:53,340
I love kids.
289
00:12:53,420 --> 00:12:54,500
Really?
Yeah, absolutely.
290
00:12:55,980 --> 00:12:57,420
Excuse me.
291
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:00,260
Hello?
Cool phone.
292
00:13:00,340 --> 00:13:01,740
Yeah, she's got
a really cool phone.
293
00:13:01,860 --> 00:13:04,580
What? Is it a rash,
or is it the chicken pox?
294
00:13:05,380 --> 00:13:07,140
I don't know! Google it.
295
00:13:07,180 --> 00:13:09,580
Okay. All right, bye.
296
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:12,740
I got to go. Sadie might
have the chicken pox.
297
00:13:12,820 --> 00:13:16,140
I had the chicken pox
three times.
I have no immunity to it.
298
00:13:16,260 --> 00:13:18,180
We don't have the heart
to tell him it's herpes.
299
00:13:18,220 --> 00:13:19,980
It's not herpes
if it's everywhere.
300
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,580
Are you coming?
301
00:13:24,660 --> 00:13:27,500
You know, I'm all dressed,
so I'll just hang out.
302
00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:29,700
Really?
Yeah, I'll take a cab home.
303
00:13:31,940 --> 00:13:34,380
Okay. Be safe.
304
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:36,740
I will. Yeah.
305
00:13:36,780 --> 00:13:38,500
Bye, lovely.
Bye.
306
00:13:41,260 --> 00:13:43,620
All right, I'm gonna let you
two get to know each other.
307
00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:48,140
Cheers.
Cheers.
308
00:13:48,260 --> 00:13:49,540
To you.
309
00:13:51,860 --> 00:13:54,980
No, no. You know, the, like,
Entertainment News channel?
310
00:13:55,060 --> 00:13:56,340
E!
E!
311
00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:02,020
Dude, I think he's doing
the dice thing too much.
312
00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:04,740
That's really all he's got.
313
00:14:07,220 --> 00:14:10,020
I love your curly hair!
It's so great.
314
00:14:10,060 --> 00:14:11,300
Do you, like,
use a product or anything?
315
00:14:11,340 --> 00:14:13,620
No, that's...
I use Jew, it's called.
316
00:14:16,740 --> 00:14:17,940
You wanna get out of here?
Yeah, let's go.
317
00:14:18,060 --> 00:14:20,100
You wanna come back
and hang out at my place?
318
00:14:20,180 --> 00:14:21,420
Yes.
319
00:14:21,540 --> 00:14:23,500
Yeah. Wicked.
I'll show you
my audition tape.
320
00:14:23,620 --> 00:14:25,940
It's really funny.
Okay, I'm really
excited to watch that.
321
00:14:26,060 --> 00:14:27,180
Let's go.
322
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:31,940
We could get a cab up,
this way. For sure.
323
00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:34,620
This is a big yard.
324
00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:38,460
Let's go swimming right now.
Let's just do that.
325
00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:45,700
I know. It feels so right.
That's right.
326
00:14:45,740 --> 00:14:50,500
Oh, man. Oh, man.
You're prettier than I am.
327
00:14:50,540 --> 00:14:51,820
A lot.
328
00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:01,860
Do you have a condom?
I do.
329
00:15:01,940 --> 00:15:04,100
Okay.
In my pants. I have a condom.
330
00:15:04,180 --> 00:15:05,860
Okay. Okay.
I'll get it.
331
00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:16,140
Come on.
332
00:15:17,380 --> 00:15:20,060
Hurry up.
Stupid fucker.
333
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:24,140
What are you doing?
I almost got it.
Just give me a second.
334
00:15:24,260 --> 00:15:26,420
Oh, God, just do it already!
335
00:15:26,540 --> 00:15:29,700
Okay.
Oh, great. Okay.
336
00:15:40,300 --> 00:15:41,420
God.
337
00:15:42,540 --> 00:15:44,820
Oh, that's great!
Good thing I'm drunk.
338
00:15:44,940 --> 00:15:46,860
This is lasting forever.
Yeah, it's awesome.
339
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,660
I just doubled my record time.
340
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,180
Oh, yeah. You did.
341
00:15:50,260 --> 00:15:52,620
I'm sorry,
I'm sweating on you.
Okay, just stop talking.
342
00:16:09,580 --> 00:16:11,220
Fuck off, Martin.
343
00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:14,300
I said, fuck off, Martin.
344
00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:19,700
Hi.
345
00:16:20,460 --> 00:16:22,220
Oh. Hey.
346
00:16:22,700 --> 00:16:23,740
Hey.
347
00:16:26,460 --> 00:16:27,420
I'm naked.
348
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:28,420
Yeah.
349
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,060
Did we have sex?
350
00:16:31,140 --> 00:16:32,100
Yes.
351
00:16:32,980 --> 00:16:34,140
Nice.
352
00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:39,780
What time is it?
353
00:16:39,820 --> 00:16:40,820
7:30.
354
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:43,100
Why the fuck are we awake?
Let's go back to sleep.
355
00:16:43,180 --> 00:16:44,420
I have to go to work.
356
00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:45,860
Really?
357
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:48,420
Do you need to get
to work or anything?
358
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:51,380
No, I'm... No work today.
359
00:16:56,620 --> 00:16:58,460
Do you wanna get breakfast?
360
00:16:58,540 --> 00:16:59,580
Okay.
361
00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:12,180
Morning.
362
00:17:12,260 --> 00:17:13,820
Good morning, Allison.
363
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:15,820
I'm Ben.
What's happening, man?
364
00:17:16,180 --> 00:17:17,220
Ben.
365
00:17:17,260 --> 00:17:18,340
How's it going?
366
00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:19,460
Ah, to be young.
367
00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:20,540
Stop it.
368
00:17:21,460 --> 00:17:22,860
You stop it.
369
00:17:23,660 --> 00:17:24,900
Okay, see you later.
370
00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:26,340
All righty.
371
00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:28,820
See you later. Enjoy the day.
372
00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:31,700
Never do what they did.
373
00:17:31,820 --> 00:17:33,420
I'm gonna do it.
374
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:37,540
You are? Uh-oh. Someone's
getting home-schooled.
375
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:45,500
I just yacked something nasty.
376
00:17:45,580 --> 00:17:48,820
I feel way better, though.
I think that's like
the secret. Like you gotta...
377
00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:52,260
I mean, once you're hung-over,
you just gotta puke.
378
00:17:52,340 --> 00:17:53,420
It feels so... Did you puke?
379
00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:54,620
No.
380
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:56,220
You can. I won't think
it's gross or anything.
381
00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:58,060
Oh, that's okay, I'm fine.
382
00:17:58,140 --> 00:17:59,540
Okay.
I just need some coffee, so...
383
00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:01,020
You know, the best thing
for a hangover is weed.
384
00:18:01,100 --> 00:18:03,020
Do you smoke...
Do you smoke weed?
Not really.
385
00:18:03,060 --> 00:18:04,140
You don't?
No.
386
00:18:04,220 --> 00:18:05,580
At all?
Mmm-mmm.
387
00:18:06,060 --> 00:18:07,580
Like in the morning?
388
00:18:08,340 --> 00:18:09,740
No, I just don't.
389
00:18:09,780 --> 00:18:12,820
You know, it's like...
It is like the best medicine.
390
00:18:12,940 --> 00:18:14,540
Because it fixes everything.
391
00:18:14,620 --> 00:18:16,100
Jonah broke his elbow once.
392
00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:21,140
He just got high,
and it still clicks,
but, I mean, he's okay.
393
00:18:21,260 --> 00:18:22,660
Right.
Yeah.
394
00:18:23,660 --> 00:18:26,340
Last night was great,
what I remember of it.
395
00:18:26,380 --> 00:18:27,740
Right, yeah.
396
00:18:27,820 --> 00:18:29,420
Yeah, no, it was fun.
We had a great time.
397
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:30,820
Yeah.
398
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:32,300
So what do you do?
399
00:18:32,340 --> 00:18:33,540
I work at E!
400
00:18:33,620 --> 00:18:35,420
The television channel?
Uh-huh.
401
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:36,580
Remember?
Wow!
402
00:18:36,660 --> 00:18:37,940
We had this
conversation last night.
403
00:18:38,060 --> 00:18:41,460
I told you about my promotion.
I was out celebrating it.
404
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:44,020
No?
No.
405
00:18:44,140 --> 00:18:45,460
I don't remember that at all.
406
00:18:45,540 --> 00:18:46,820
Yeah. I'm super
excited about it.
407
00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:49,140
I'm actually doing my first
on-air interview today, so...
408
00:18:49,260 --> 00:18:50,860
With who?
Matthew Fox.
409
00:18:50,940 --> 00:18:52,220
Matthew Fox from Lost?
Yeah.
410
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:53,620
You know what's interesting
about him?
What?
411
00:18:53,740 --> 00:18:54,940
Nothing.
What?
412
00:18:55,020 --> 00:18:56,700
Will you tell him
he's an asshole for me?
No.
413
00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:58,700
Someone needs to.
Like who gives a shit?
414
00:18:58,780 --> 00:19:01,820
Well, I hope a lot of people,
actually, because that's
what my job entails
415
00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:03,980
is making sure people care
what he has to say.
416
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,740
I'm interviewing him.
417
00:19:05,820 --> 00:19:07,380
Maybe it's just me. Maybe
I just don't give a shit.
418
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:09,780
I'm just saying
he deserves a beat-down.
419
00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:11,940
Actually, it's sort
of embarrassing
to ask at this point,
420
00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:13,980
but what do you do for work?
421
00:19:14,060 --> 00:19:17,300
Me and my roommates
have started a... We're
starting an Internet website.
422
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:18,940
Oh, cool. What is it?
423
00:19:19,020 --> 00:19:21,620
I'll give you the virtual
experience, okay? How's that?
424
00:19:21,740 --> 00:19:22,980
You're at your computer.
Mmm-hmm.
425
00:19:23,020 --> 00:19:24,460
Who's an actress you like?
426
00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:26,860
Mary Tyler Moore?
No.
427
00:19:26,940 --> 00:19:28,060
That does not work at all.
No?
428
00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:29,300
No.
Okay.
429
00:19:29,420 --> 00:19:32,900
Let's say you love Meg Ryan.
I do.
430
00:19:32,980 --> 00:19:34,260
Great. Who doesn't?
Yeah.
431
00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:35,740
Let's say you like her so much
432
00:19:35,820 --> 00:19:39,420
you wanna know every movie
where she shows her tits.
433
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:42,900
And not just that,
but how long into that
movie she shows her tits.
434
00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:47,260
You come to our
web page exclusively.
Type in "Meg Ryan." Bam!
435
00:19:47,340 --> 00:19:51,980
In the Cut, 38 minutes in,
48 minutes in,
like an hour and 10 minutes...
436
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:53,620
She's, like, naked
that whole fucking movie.
437
00:19:53,740 --> 00:19:55,660
She does full frontal
in that movie.
Wow.
438
00:19:55,740 --> 00:19:57,860
They should've called her
Harry, not Sally.
Really.
439
00:19:57,940 --> 00:20:00,020
I'll show it to you.
I'll show you Meg Ryan's bush.
440
00:20:00,140 --> 00:20:01,180
Okay.
Cool.
441
00:20:01,260 --> 00:20:03,220
Yeah, I actually need
to get going, so...
442
00:20:03,340 --> 00:20:07,740
Well, could...
Can I get your number?
I mean, I don't...
443
00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:11,100
We had fun, right?
We should hook up again.
444
00:20:11,180 --> 00:20:15,380
I'm gonna give you my card
'cause that'll be
the best way to...
445
00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:19,420
Well, I mean, if you want
to contact me, I don't have
a cell, right now,
446
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:21,980
because of
payment complications.
447
00:20:22,060 --> 00:20:24,260
But, I mean, you can e-mail me
at the web page. I check...
448
00:20:24,340 --> 00:20:28,180
It's just Ben
at flesh-of-the-stars,
one word, dot-com.
449
00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:29,500
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
450
00:20:29,580 --> 00:20:31,380
Okay.
So, awesome.
451
00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:33,540
All right, then.
Nice to meet you.
452
00:20:34,220 --> 00:20:36,420
Yeah. Okay.
Bye. Take care.
453
00:20:37,620 --> 00:20:38,780
See you.
454
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:41,340
Bye!
455
00:20:42,380 --> 00:20:44,020
That was fucking brutal.
456
00:20:45,340 --> 00:20:47,020
Yeah, that was brutal.
457
00:20:53,740 --> 00:20:57,940
Hi, I'm Allison Scott.
And we're here today with
James Franco from Spider-Man.
458
00:20:58,020 --> 00:20:59,140
How are you?
Great, great.
459
00:20:59,220 --> 00:21:00,420
Thanks for coming.
Of course.
460
00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:03,300
Tell me, were you
a big fan of the...
461
00:21:03,340 --> 00:21:05,380
I'm sorry,
let me take that again.
Okay.
462
00:21:05,460 --> 00:21:07,940
Tell me, were you a big fan
of the comic books growing up?
463
00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:09,860
No, actually,
464
00:21:09,940 --> 00:21:13,420
I didn't read any of
the comic books until
I got the movie and then...
465
00:21:15,460 --> 00:21:16,540
Are you okay?
Mmm-hmm.
466
00:21:16,620 --> 00:21:19,060
Yeah, just what about
the comic books?
467
00:21:19,140 --> 00:21:20,980
Just keep talking.
468
00:21:21,060 --> 00:21:24,100
Like I said,
I really wasn't into them,
469
00:21:24,180 --> 00:21:27,420
but now that I did
the research, I think they're
pretty amazing, like...
470
00:21:30,420 --> 00:21:31,540
Shit.
471
00:21:33,380 --> 00:21:34,820
What the fuck?
472
00:21:39,460 --> 00:21:41,500
Is that the sound
of you puking?
473
00:21:41,580 --> 00:21:44,340
If this is one of those
fucking joke shows,
I'm not into it.
474
00:21:44,420 --> 00:21:46,340
We should put this on YouTube.
Shut up.
475
00:21:46,380 --> 00:21:48,020
This is hilarious.
You're an asshole.
476
00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:49,940
Look how sweaty you are.
You look like Dom DeLuise.
477
00:21:50,020 --> 00:21:51,980
I don't need to see it again.
It's gonna make me throw up.
478
00:21:52,100 --> 00:21:54,220
You look like
Jabba the Hutt dying.
479
00:21:57,780 --> 00:21:59,340
You're such an asshole.
480
00:21:59,420 --> 00:22:00,820
I'm just jerking your chain.
481
00:22:00,900 --> 00:22:02,140
I'll fix this. No problem.
482
00:22:02,220 --> 00:22:05,740
Yeah, maybe if you can just
edit this out, and we can...
483
00:22:06,980 --> 00:22:08,860
We can reshoot my questions.
484
00:22:11,460 --> 00:22:12,700
What's up?
485
00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:15,740
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no. Over here.
486
00:22:15,780 --> 00:22:18,660
Not on the mix board,
not on the mix board, here.
487
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:23,780
Are you okay?
488
00:22:23,860 --> 00:22:25,140
Oh, my God.
489
00:22:27,140 --> 00:22:28,380
Oh, my God.
490
00:22:28,460 --> 00:22:30,460
Are you sick?
I don't know.
491
00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:32,940
What'd you eat?
I haven't eaten today yet.
492
00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:34,940
You haven't...
Do you have, like,
a napkin or something?
493
00:22:34,980 --> 00:22:36,380
Here, here.
494
00:22:37,660 --> 00:22:39,580
What, do you have,
like, the flu?
495
00:22:39,660 --> 00:22:41,060
I don't know.
496
00:22:41,100 --> 00:22:43,460
God, I hope
you're not pregnant.
497
00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:46,820
It's impossible. You have
to have sex to get pregnant.
498
00:22:49,100 --> 00:22:51,940
B.K. It's Brent Master Five.
499
00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:54,500
Allison just puked.
500
00:22:54,620 --> 00:22:56,860
Dude, that's what I said.
She's probably
pregnant, right?
501
00:22:56,940 --> 00:22:58,980
Oh, shit.
How does she look right now?
502
00:22:59,100 --> 00:23:01,740
She looks like
she just realized
that she's pregnant.
503
00:23:01,860 --> 00:23:03,900
No, I can't be
pregnant. Right?
504
00:23:03,980 --> 00:23:06,540
I mean that was, what?
505
00:23:06,660 --> 00:23:08,260
Eight weeks ago?
When was that?
Mmm-hmm.
506
00:23:08,380 --> 00:23:10,140
Did you miss your period?
507
00:23:10,220 --> 00:23:11,580
No. Wait.
508
00:23:12,220 --> 00:23:14,300
I don't know.
Shit. I don't know.
I can't remember.
509
00:23:14,340 --> 00:23:16,260
I was... I mean, I've been
really stressed at work.
510
00:23:16,380 --> 00:23:17,820
I can't remember
my last period.
511
00:23:17,900 --> 00:23:19,660
Are you the lady who doesn't
realize she's pregnant
512
00:23:19,780 --> 00:23:21,700
till she's sitting
on the toilet
and a kid pops out?
513
00:23:21,820 --> 00:23:23,340
Can you not joke right now?
Don't joke right now.
514
00:23:23,460 --> 00:23:25,260
This is really serious.
Did I meet him?
515
00:23:25,380 --> 00:23:27,620
Yeah. You know, he was
kind of like medium height,
516
00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:31,020
sort of chubby.
Blonde, curly hair. Remember?
517
00:23:31,140 --> 00:23:32,780
With the man-boobs.
Yes.
518
00:23:32,900 --> 00:23:36,060
Here, I have this thing
of him on my phone.
I just watched it.
519
00:23:36,100 --> 00:23:38,460
Hey! I live in your phone!
520
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:39,740
Oh.
521
00:23:40,540 --> 00:23:43,260
This is the best
night of my life.
522
00:23:43,300 --> 00:23:45,220
I gotta pee.
523
00:23:45,260 --> 00:23:46,780
Yeah.
Oh, God.
524
00:23:48,220 --> 00:23:50,140
How did this happen?
Oh, shit.
525
00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:52,100
Well, there's only
one way to find out.
526
00:23:55,620 --> 00:23:57,980
They're here!
Here they are! Over here!
527
00:23:58,020 --> 00:23:59,180
Oh, no.
528
00:23:59,260 --> 00:24:00,980
Okay, here we are.
Okay.
529
00:24:01,060 --> 00:24:03,260
Okay. All right.
Here.
530
00:24:13,540 --> 00:24:15,940
Oh, no. Give me more!
Give me a few more!
531
00:24:16,060 --> 00:24:17,700
Did you try the Ova-Sure?
532
00:24:18,860 --> 00:24:21,060
I'm dripping,
I'm dripping. Wait.
533
00:24:21,180 --> 00:24:23,420
Oh, good! A smiley face!
534
00:24:24,220 --> 00:24:25,620
Oh, I think that's bad.
535
00:24:25,700 --> 00:24:27,900
How long does this one take?
536
00:24:28,380 --> 00:24:30,860
These can't all be positive.
Let me try one.
537
00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:38,340
God, you really had to pee.
538
00:24:40,100 --> 00:24:43,340
What is this?
What the hell is this?
539
00:24:44,100 --> 00:24:46,100
I think you picked up
the wrong one.
540
00:24:46,180 --> 00:24:47,420
Oh, fuck.
541
00:24:48,100 --> 00:24:50,020
That scared me.
542
00:24:50,140 --> 00:24:52,540
That would suck. I'm sorry.
543
00:24:54,980 --> 00:24:56,260
That scared me.
544
00:24:56,860 --> 00:24:59,100
It's gonna be fine. Right?
545
00:25:00,780 --> 00:25:01,740
Right?
546
00:25:01,820 --> 00:25:04,540
Of course it will be fine.
It's gonna be fine.
547
00:25:04,580 --> 00:25:05,980
You just need to call him.
548
00:25:06,020 --> 00:25:08,420
Maybe I don't need to call him
until after I see the doctor.
549
00:25:08,460 --> 00:25:09,860
You need to call.
I don't want to call him.
550
00:25:09,900 --> 00:25:11,460
I don't need to call him.
You should call.
551
00:25:11,580 --> 00:25:13,820
I can't call him anyway.
He doesn't even have a phone.
552
00:25:13,860 --> 00:25:15,260
He didn't even have
a number to give me.
553
00:25:15,300 --> 00:25:16,300
He doesn't have a phone?
554
00:25:16,380 --> 00:25:17,940
Said he had some
kind of billing issue.
555
00:25:18,020 --> 00:25:20,860
He can't afford a phone?
Sadie has a phone.
556
00:25:20,900 --> 00:25:23,260
Oh, shit, you're right.
I got to call.
557
00:25:23,300 --> 00:25:25,700
I don't know. I'm gonna
have to look him up
on his stupid website.
558
00:25:25,740 --> 00:25:26,940
What kind of website
does he have?
559
00:25:28,260 --> 00:25:30,940
He spelled "coming"
wrong. Oh, it's cum...
560
00:25:30,980 --> 00:25:33,020
Yeah.
Oh, that's gross.
561
00:25:33,100 --> 00:25:34,980
Just go to "Contact Us."
562
00:25:36,260 --> 00:25:37,500
Ben?
Yeah.
563
00:25:39,180 --> 00:25:42,420
"What is your number?
I need to speak
with you right away."
564
00:25:42,500 --> 00:25:43,780
Send?
Yep.
565
00:25:43,900 --> 00:25:45,420
You're sure?
566
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:46,700
Yeah.
567
00:25:48,900 --> 00:25:50,820
I love weed.
568
00:25:50,940 --> 00:25:52,900
I could smoke weed
every second of every day.
569
00:25:53,020 --> 00:25:55,940
Jay, I am your stoner.
570
00:26:03,900 --> 00:26:06,060
Hey, Benjamin?
Yeah.
571
00:26:06,180 --> 00:26:08,380
Flesh of the Stars
just got an e-mail.
Really?
572
00:26:08,420 --> 00:26:10,820
Would you like me
to read it to you?
Yeah, sure.
573
00:26:10,860 --> 00:26:13,060
"Ben, what is your number?
574
00:26:13,180 --> 00:26:16,460
"I need to speak to you
right away. Allison Scott."
575
00:26:16,580 --> 00:26:19,460
Oh! Shit!
576
00:26:19,900 --> 00:26:21,660
Someone wants seconds, mama!
577
00:26:21,740 --> 00:26:22,940
Oh, man!
578
00:26:23,020 --> 00:26:25,380
"Looking forward
to speaking with you."
579
00:26:25,500 --> 00:26:29,260
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do one of those
smiley faces at the end.
580
00:26:29,380 --> 00:26:30,780
Fucking-A. Those are sexy.
Sent.
581
00:26:37,660 --> 00:26:39,860
Somebody wants another piece!
582
00:26:41,060 --> 00:26:42,060
Booty-booty call.
583
00:26:42,140 --> 00:26:43,780
Yeah, hello?
Hi.
584
00:26:43,900 --> 00:26:47,820
Hey, Ben, this is...
This is Allison. I don't know
if you remember me.
585
00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:50,380
Oh, yeah, Allison. What's up?
586
00:26:50,500 --> 00:26:52,860
She like the way
your dick tastes.
587
00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:56,940
Yeah, I actually was
just wondering if maybe you
588
00:26:57,060 --> 00:26:59,180
wanted to get together,
like tomorrow night?
589
00:26:59,300 --> 00:27:01,580
I've been meaning
to call you so we could,
like, hook up again.
590
00:27:01,700 --> 00:27:03,420
You know what I'm saying?
Okay, cool.
591
00:27:03,500 --> 00:27:06,180
Let's meet up maybe
tomorrow night? You wanna
just grab some dinner?
592
00:27:06,300 --> 00:27:09,820
Yeah. Why not?
Meeting of minds sounds good.
593
00:27:09,900 --> 00:27:13,540
What do you say Geisha House,
Hollywood, 9:00?
594
00:27:13,660 --> 00:27:14,780
Sure, sure. That's cool.
595
00:27:14,860 --> 00:27:17,100
Can we make it
more like 6:00, though?
I'd like to keep it early.
596
00:27:17,220 --> 00:27:20,860
6:00. Beat the rush.
Yeah, leaves
more time for afterwards.
597
00:27:20,940 --> 00:27:22,420
Dessert. Sweet.
598
00:27:23,180 --> 00:27:24,660
Okay, great.
599
00:27:24,740 --> 00:27:27,420
So, yeah. I'll just meet
you there, then, at 6:00.
600
00:27:27,500 --> 00:27:29,380
Yeah.
I'll see you there.
601
00:27:30,540 --> 00:27:32,220
Okay, take care. Peace.
602
00:27:35,100 --> 00:27:36,220
Oh, shit.
603
00:27:36,900 --> 00:27:39,900
I'm gonna get laid,
motherfucker!
604
00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:42,700
Yes! Yes!
605
00:27:44,300 --> 00:27:46,380
Nice place, huh?
Yeah,
it's really nice.
606
00:27:46,500 --> 00:27:49,580
Sorry it took so long to
get a table. I didn't realize
you needed a reservation.
607
00:27:49,700 --> 00:27:50,940
Oh, no, that's okay.
608
00:27:51,380 --> 00:27:52,620
You look very pretty, though.
Thanks.
609
00:27:52,740 --> 00:27:54,020
By the way.
Yeah, I just thought...
610
00:27:54,060 --> 00:27:55,340
I don't know, I thought
maybe it'd be cool
611
00:27:55,460 --> 00:27:56,500
to hang out
a little bit and...
612
00:27:56,620 --> 00:27:58,660
We didn't really get
to talk that much
last time, so I thought...
613
00:27:58,700 --> 00:28:00,140
That we didn't.
614
00:28:01,740 --> 00:28:04,900
I thought maybe we'd
just talk and get to know
each other better.
615
00:28:04,980 --> 00:28:06,860
Cool. Okay.
616
00:28:06,980 --> 00:28:10,300
I'll start. I'm Canadian.
Oh, that's cool.
617
00:28:10,380 --> 00:28:13,100
From Vancouver. I live
here illegally, actually.
618
00:28:13,220 --> 00:28:14,220
Don't tell anyone.
619
00:28:14,340 --> 00:28:17,060
But it works out
in my advantage,
I think, ultimately,
620
00:28:17,140 --> 00:28:19,060
'cause I don't have
to pay any taxes.
621
00:28:19,180 --> 00:28:22,340
So financially that's helpful
622
00:28:22,380 --> 00:28:24,820
'cause I don't have
a lot of money.
623
00:28:24,900 --> 00:28:28,900
You know, I mean,
I'm not poor or anything,
but I eat a lot of spaghetti.
624
00:28:28,940 --> 00:28:33,060
So, you know, the web page
or whatever is just something
that you guys do for fun?
625
00:28:33,140 --> 00:28:34,380
Do you have a real job?
626
00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:35,980
Well, that is our job.
Oh.
627
00:28:36,100 --> 00:28:39,100
We don't technically get money
for the hours we put in,
628
00:28:39,180 --> 00:28:40,540
but it is our job.
629
00:28:40,620 --> 00:28:42,340
So, how do you... Right.
How do I pay rent and shit?
630
00:28:42,420 --> 00:28:44,460
When I was in high school,
I got ran over
by a postal truck.
631
00:28:44,580 --> 00:28:45,700
Oh, my God.
It just kind of...
632
00:28:45,740 --> 00:28:47,340
It was my foot
more than anything.
633
00:28:47,460 --> 00:28:51,300
But I got like 14 grand from
the British Columbia government.
634
00:28:51,380 --> 00:28:52,940
Right.
And that really lasted me.
635
00:28:53,060 --> 00:28:54,340
I mean, until now.
636
00:28:54,380 --> 00:28:56,460
It's been almost 10 years.
I have like 900 bucks left.
637
00:28:56,580 --> 00:28:59,180
So that should last me for,
like, I mean, I'm not
a mathematician,
638
00:28:59,300 --> 00:29:01,580
but like another
two years or some shit.
I think.
639
00:29:01,700 --> 00:29:02,700
Yeah.
640
00:29:02,820 --> 00:29:04,700
So I have something
I really need to tell you.
641
00:29:04,780 --> 00:29:07,300
It's kind of why I called you.
642
00:29:07,820 --> 00:29:09,260
Here goes. Um...
643
00:29:09,860 --> 00:29:11,140
I'm pregnant.
644
00:29:11,180 --> 00:29:12,660
Fuck off.
What?
645
00:29:12,780 --> 00:29:14,500
What?
I'm pregnant.
646
00:29:15,340 --> 00:29:16,780
With emotion?
647
00:29:16,820 --> 00:29:19,180
With a baby.
You're the father.
648
00:29:20,420 --> 00:29:21,820
I'm the father?
Yes.
649
00:29:21,900 --> 00:29:23,340
How the fuck
could this happen?
I don't know.
650
00:29:23,460 --> 00:29:25,340
I don't know. I mean,
I thought you were
wearing a condom.
651
00:29:25,420 --> 00:29:26,500
No.
What?
652
00:29:26,580 --> 00:29:27,980
I wasn't.
Why not?
653
00:29:28,100 --> 00:29:29,260
Because you told me not to.
654
00:29:29,380 --> 00:29:30,700
What are you talking about?
655
00:29:30,820 --> 00:29:32,580
What am I talking about?
You told me not to.
656
00:29:32,620 --> 00:29:35,020
I did not tell you
not to wear a condom.
657
00:29:35,060 --> 00:29:36,140
Here's what happened, okay?
658
00:29:36,220 --> 00:29:38,580
I will give you a play-by-play
of my memory.
659
00:29:38,660 --> 00:29:40,260
I almost had
the condom on my dick.
660
00:29:40,340 --> 00:29:43,300
It was on the cusp,
and then you said,
"Just do it, already."
661
00:29:43,380 --> 00:29:44,660
I didn't mean do it
without a condom.
662
00:29:44,780 --> 00:29:46,420
I meant "do it"
like "hurry up,"
663
00:29:46,500 --> 00:29:47,620
like "Get fucking going!"
664
00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:50,060
Well, I assumed
you were wearing a patch,
or like a dental dam
665
00:29:50,100 --> 00:29:52,340
or one of those
fucking butterfly clips
or something like that.
666
00:29:52,460 --> 00:29:54,100
What the hell is a dental dam?
It's like Saran Wrap!
667
00:29:54,220 --> 00:29:56,420
It's disgusting, okay?
But I thought you had one.
668
00:29:56,460 --> 00:29:58,260
Why the fuck didn't you
stop me once we started?
669
00:29:58,380 --> 00:30:00,620
I don't know! I couldn't tell
that you didn't have one on!
670
00:30:00,740 --> 00:30:02,100
Obviously, I was drunk!
671
00:30:02,220 --> 00:30:03,460
Was your vagina drunk?
672
00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:05,460
Did you think
it's the thinnest condom
on earth I have on?
673
00:30:05,580 --> 00:30:08,100
I'm a fucking inventor?
I made a dick-skin condom?
674
00:30:08,180 --> 00:30:10,700
He hollowed out
a penis and put it on?
675
00:30:10,780 --> 00:30:11,940
What the fuck?
676
00:30:12,780 --> 00:30:14,580
You are unbelievable.
677
00:30:16,340 --> 00:30:21,860
Okay, you know what? Maybe
I've reacted unfavorably.
678
00:30:21,940 --> 00:30:24,780
So what happens now?
I don't know how this works.
679
00:30:24,900 --> 00:30:27,180
I am going to
the doctor next week,
680
00:30:27,300 --> 00:30:30,340
and I thought you could
come with me
to the gynecologist.
681
00:30:30,420 --> 00:30:32,020
So you haven't seen him,
though?
No.
682
00:30:32,140 --> 00:30:33,420
So you don't know
if you're pregnant.
683
00:30:33,540 --> 00:30:37,220
Well, I'm not 100% sure.
You're not 100% sure.
684
00:30:37,300 --> 00:30:38,700
I bet you're not pregnant.
685
00:30:42,540 --> 00:30:43,940
No, they're not.
686
00:30:45,420 --> 00:30:48,420
No, they're all in the bag.
They're in the bag.
687
00:30:57,420 --> 00:30:58,620
Allison Scott?
688
00:30:58,700 --> 00:31:00,180
Yeah. Come on.
689
00:31:00,260 --> 00:31:02,140
I'm supposed to come?
Yes.
690
00:31:06,180 --> 00:31:09,380
Hello. My name is
Thomas Pellagrino.
691
00:31:09,500 --> 00:31:10,700
I'm... I'm Ben Stone.
692
00:31:10,820 --> 00:31:12,580
Hi, there, champ.
Nice to meet you.
693
00:31:12,620 --> 00:31:14,180
And you must be
Debbie's sister.
Yeah.
694
00:31:14,300 --> 00:31:15,460
Alice.
Allison. Hi.
695
00:31:15,500 --> 00:31:17,340
Hi. How are you?
Good.
696
00:31:17,420 --> 00:31:21,020
So, what can
I help you with today,
Mr. and Mrs. Stone?
697
00:31:21,100 --> 00:31:23,380
I took a home pregnancy test,
and it said I was pregnant,
698
00:31:23,460 --> 00:31:25,420
so here we are.
699
00:31:25,820 --> 00:31:27,740
Okay. Let's have a look.
700
00:31:30,620 --> 00:31:32,060
Legs up.
701
00:31:37,900 --> 00:31:39,100
Nice office.
702
00:31:39,180 --> 00:31:40,380
Thank you.
703
00:31:43,940 --> 00:31:46,700
Well, you do look
a lot like your sister.
704
00:31:51,020 --> 00:31:53,340
This is gonna be cold.
And you're next.
705
00:32:02,540 --> 00:32:05,900
Okay, there is
the cervix and the uterus.
706
00:32:06,860 --> 00:32:08,060
See that?
707
00:32:08,140 --> 00:32:11,140
That dark sac there,
that's the amniotic sac.
708
00:32:11,980 --> 00:32:15,020
And right there
in the middle is the embryo.
709
00:32:15,140 --> 00:32:17,500
Do you see that flicker?
You know what that is?
710
00:32:17,580 --> 00:32:19,620
Yeah, that's a heartbeat.
711
00:32:19,660 --> 00:32:21,380
Yeah, it looks like
you are pregnant.
712
00:32:21,420 --> 00:32:23,740
About eight or nine weeks,
I'd say.
713
00:32:23,820 --> 00:32:25,340
Congratulations.
714
00:32:27,420 --> 00:32:29,780
That... That's it?
715
00:32:29,860 --> 00:32:30,940
Yep.
716
00:32:31,020 --> 00:32:32,740
Take good care of it.
717
00:32:34,220 --> 00:32:36,220
Now the fun part starts.
718
00:32:36,940 --> 00:32:39,900
Let me... Let me make
a picture for you, huh?
719
00:32:39,980 --> 00:32:41,420
That'll be fun.
720
00:32:44,540 --> 00:32:47,940
Okay. Well, I'II...
I'll meet you in my office.
721
00:32:48,980 --> 00:32:50,180
Okay.
722
00:32:51,340 --> 00:32:53,780
I'll give you
a little time alone, there.
723
00:32:57,740 --> 00:32:59,580
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
724
00:33:01,580 --> 00:33:02,660
It's okay.
725
00:33:03,260 --> 00:33:05,060
I can't fucking believe
you didn't wear a bag!
726
00:33:05,180 --> 00:33:06,220
Who does that?
727
00:33:06,340 --> 00:33:08,300
Why did we go to Costco
and buy a year's supply
of condoms
728
00:33:08,420 --> 00:33:09,540
if you weren't gonna
use them, man?
729
00:33:09,580 --> 00:33:11,500
I can't believe you did this.
You fucked everything up.
730
00:33:11,580 --> 00:33:13,700
Look, the real point
is not to get yourself
in this position.
731
00:33:13,740 --> 00:33:15,020
That's what
you have to realize.
732
00:33:15,100 --> 00:33:16,140
You gotta know
all the tricks.
733
00:33:16,220 --> 00:33:18,620
Like, for example,
if a woman's on top,
she can't get pregnant.
734
00:33:18,700 --> 00:33:20,740
It's just gravity.
Well, that's true.
Everyone knows that.
735
00:33:20,780 --> 00:33:22,140
What goes up must come down.
736
00:33:22,220 --> 00:33:25,180
I think it's awesome that
you're gonna have a kid, man.
737
00:33:25,260 --> 00:33:29,060
Think about it like this.
It's just an excuse to play
with all your old toys again.
738
00:33:29,180 --> 00:33:30,580
You know what
I think you should do?
739
00:33:30,660 --> 00:33:32,540
Take care of it.
740
00:33:32,740 --> 00:33:34,860
Tell me you don't want him
to get an "A" word.
741
00:33:34,980 --> 00:33:37,700
Yes, I do, and I won't say it
for little Baby Ears
over there,
742
00:33:37,740 --> 00:33:40,060
but it rhymes
with "Shma-shmortion."
743
00:33:40,140 --> 00:33:42,300
I'm just saying...
Hold on, Jay, cover your ears.
744
00:33:42,380 --> 00:33:45,900
You should get
a shma-shmortion
at the shma-shmortion clinic.
745
00:33:46,020 --> 00:33:49,260
Ben, you cannot let
these monsters have
any part of your child's life.
746
00:33:49,380 --> 00:33:52,100
All right? I'm gonna be
there to rear your child.
747
00:33:52,220 --> 00:33:53,860
You hear that, Ben?
Don't let him near the kid.
748
00:33:53,900 --> 00:33:56,140
He wants
to rear your child!
749
00:33:56,780 --> 00:33:58,540
Please, guys.
750
00:33:58,620 --> 00:34:00,660
Ben, come on, man.
I'm just kidding you.
751
00:34:00,780 --> 00:34:02,700
Oh, great. Now he's upset.
I won't let him do it.
752
00:34:03,420 --> 00:34:05,620
Allison, just take care of it.
753
00:34:06,100 --> 00:34:07,220
Take care of it. Move on.
754
00:34:07,260 --> 00:34:08,500
What's gonna happen
with your career?
755
00:34:08,540 --> 00:34:09,860
How are you gonna tell them?
756
00:34:09,940 --> 00:34:11,060
I'm not gonna tell them
for a while.
757
00:34:11,140 --> 00:34:13,020
I have a while
before I have to say anything.
758
00:34:13,100 --> 00:34:15,020
How could you not tell them?
They're not gonna know.
759
00:34:15,100 --> 00:34:16,820
I mean, I'm only gonna start
to show when I'm like,
760
00:34:16,860 --> 00:34:19,060
I don't know,
six months or something.
Seven months.
761
00:34:19,180 --> 00:34:20,620
Three months.
No.
762
00:34:20,700 --> 00:34:23,740
Three months. Fat in the face,
jowls, fat ass.
763
00:34:24,940 --> 00:34:26,060
Debbie didn't get fat.
764
00:34:26,140 --> 00:34:27,900
Debbie is a freak of nature.
765
00:34:27,980 --> 00:34:31,540
Mom, you know,
it's important to me
that you be supportive.
766
00:34:31,580 --> 00:34:35,380
I cannot be supportive
of this. This is a mistake.
This is a big, big mistake.
767
00:34:35,500 --> 00:34:37,140
Now, think about
your stepsister.
768
00:34:37,180 --> 00:34:38,460
Now, you remember
what happened with her?
769
00:34:38,580 --> 00:34:42,100
She had the same
situation as you,
and she had it taken care of.
770
00:34:42,140 --> 00:34:45,020
And you know what?
Now she has a real baby.
771
00:34:45,140 --> 00:34:46,940
Honey, this is not the time.
772
00:34:47,820 --> 00:34:49,180
I'm gonna be a grandfather.
773
00:34:49,300 --> 00:34:50,340
You happy about that?
774
00:34:50,420 --> 00:34:52,020
Absolutely. Delighted.
775
00:34:52,060 --> 00:34:53,140
This is a disaster.
776
00:34:53,180 --> 00:34:54,340
No, this is not a disaster.
777
00:34:54,420 --> 00:34:56,820
It is...
An earthquake is a disaster.
778
00:34:56,940 --> 00:34:58,860
Your grandmother
having Alzheimer's so bad
779
00:34:58,940 --> 00:35:01,460
she doesn't even know
who the fuck I am,
that's a disaster.
780
00:35:01,500 --> 00:35:03,340
This is a good thing.
This is a blessing.
781
00:35:03,420 --> 00:35:07,180
I have a vision
for how my life would go,
782
00:35:07,260 --> 00:35:08,700
and this definitely is not it.
783
00:35:08,780 --> 00:35:11,380
Wait. Is this your vision?
Are you living
your vision right now?
784
00:35:11,500 --> 00:35:12,660
I am kind of living
my vision, yeah.
785
00:35:12,700 --> 00:35:14,460
Well, that is sad,
I'm telling you.
786
00:35:14,540 --> 00:35:16,860
Life doesn't care
about your vision. Okay?
787
00:35:16,980 --> 00:35:19,220
Stuff happens.
You just got to deal with it.
788
00:35:19,260 --> 00:35:21,980
You roll with it.
That's the beauty of it all.
789
00:35:22,100 --> 00:35:25,180
I just don't get how I tell
the kid not to do drugs
when I do drugs.
790
00:35:25,300 --> 00:35:26,420
I'll feel like a hypocrite.
791
00:35:26,540 --> 00:35:29,460
Well, remember what I told you
when you were a teenager?
792
00:35:29,580 --> 00:35:31,420
What did you say?
I said,
"No pills, no powders."
793
00:35:31,540 --> 00:35:32,540
That's right, that's right.
794
00:35:32,660 --> 00:35:34,940
Right. If it grows
in the ground,
it's probably okay.
795
00:35:35,060 --> 00:35:38,100
I mean, I guess it worked.
Like you told me not
to smoke pot all those years,
796
00:35:38,220 --> 00:35:41,100
and then I found out
you were smoking pot
that whole time.
797
00:35:41,180 --> 00:35:42,620
Not the whole time.
798
00:35:42,740 --> 00:35:45,340
Just in the evenings
and all day every weekend.
799
00:35:45,460 --> 00:35:46,900
Not that much.
800
00:35:47,020 --> 00:35:52,140
Honestly, though,
when you look at me
do you not think at all, like,
801
00:35:52,220 --> 00:35:53,780
"You know,
if he just never existed,
802
00:35:53,820 --> 00:35:57,020
"I would have avoided
a massive heap of trouble,"
you know?
803
00:35:57,140 --> 00:35:58,700
Absolutely not.
804
00:35:58,780 --> 00:36:00,820
I love you totally
and completely.
805
00:36:00,940 --> 00:36:03,220
You're the best thing
that ever happened to me.
806
00:36:03,260 --> 00:36:04,780
I'm the best thing
that ever happened to you?
807
00:36:04,860 --> 00:36:05,980
Yeah.
808
00:36:07,260 --> 00:36:09,180
Now I just feel bad for you.
809
00:36:17,020 --> 00:36:18,620
Hello?
Hi. Ben?
810
00:36:19,020 --> 00:36:21,300
Oh. Hey, Allison.
811
00:36:22,540 --> 00:36:24,300
How's it going?
Good, good.
812
00:36:24,380 --> 00:36:26,460
You know,
I was just calling to...
813
00:36:27,700 --> 00:36:30,620
To let you know that I've
decided to keep the baby.
814
00:36:30,740 --> 00:36:32,180
I'm keeping it.
815
00:36:32,260 --> 00:36:33,420
Oh.
816
00:36:33,500 --> 00:36:37,980
Yeah. So, that's
what's happening with that.
817
00:36:38,100 --> 00:36:40,460
Good. That's good. That's what
I was hoping you'd do.
818
00:36:40,540 --> 00:36:43,060
So, awesome.
819
00:36:43,100 --> 00:36:45,100
Yeah. Yeah, it is good.
820
00:36:46,460 --> 00:36:48,540
Okay, I know
we didn't plan this,
821
00:36:48,660 --> 00:36:51,340
and, you know,
neither of us really thought
it was gonna happen,
822
00:36:51,420 --> 00:36:52,860
but life is like that,
you know,
823
00:36:52,940 --> 00:36:54,500
you can't plan for it.
824
00:36:54,580 --> 00:36:55,860
And even if we did plan,
825
00:36:55,940 --> 00:36:58,620
life doesn't care about
your plans, necessarily.
826
00:36:58,700 --> 00:37:01,420
And you just kind of have
to go with the flow and,
you know,
827
00:37:01,500 --> 00:37:05,500
I know my job is to just
support you in whatever
it is you wanna do,
828
00:37:05,620 --> 00:37:07,420
and, I'm in, you know.
829
00:37:07,540 --> 00:37:09,140
So whatever you wanna do,
830
00:37:09,220 --> 00:37:10,900
I'm gonna do,
you know. It's...
831
00:37:11,500 --> 00:37:14,300
I'm on board. Yay!
832
00:37:15,700 --> 00:37:16,980
I really appreciate
you saying that.
833
00:37:17,100 --> 00:37:19,980
No problem.
You know, so I'll tell you,
834
00:37:20,060 --> 00:37:23,420
you know, maybe if you could
help me by telling me, like,
835
00:37:23,540 --> 00:37:26,380
one thing that I am
supposed to do,
then that would be good,
836
00:37:27,580 --> 00:37:29,780
because I literally have
no idea whatsoever.
837
00:37:29,820 --> 00:37:31,980
I have no idea, either.
838
00:37:33,340 --> 00:37:37,940
So, do you want to, like,
get together and talk about it
or something like that?
839
00:37:37,980 --> 00:37:39,700
Yeah, sure.
Like a date? I mean...
840
00:37:39,820 --> 00:37:41,140
Yeah.
841
00:37:49,500 --> 00:37:51,100
Hey.
Hi.
842
00:37:51,220 --> 00:37:53,260
You look beautiful.
Thank you.
843
00:37:53,340 --> 00:37:55,020
No problem. Come on in.
844
00:37:55,700 --> 00:37:58,060
Everyone,
this is Allison.
Hi.
845
00:37:58,140 --> 00:38:00,980
Ally. Hey. Jason,
I'm sure you remember.
Yes.
846
00:38:01,020 --> 00:38:02,380
You look beautiful.
Thank you.
847
00:38:02,460 --> 00:38:04,980
Your body's responding
really well to the pregnancy.
848
00:38:05,100 --> 00:38:06,100
Thank you.
849
00:38:06,220 --> 00:38:08,180
It's amazing
how fast the milk arrives.
850
00:38:08,260 --> 00:38:09,620
Oh.
851
00:38:09,660 --> 00:38:10,700
How's your sis?
852
00:38:10,780 --> 00:38:11,860
She's good.
853
00:38:11,900 --> 00:38:14,100
Oh, good. Tell her,
"What's up?" for me.
Okay.
854
00:38:14,140 --> 00:38:16,700
All right, I'm gonna go make
a protein shake.
855
00:38:17,740 --> 00:38:20,820
And this beautiful
young man is Jonah.
856
00:38:20,860 --> 00:38:22,220
Hi.
Hey.
857
00:38:24,820 --> 00:38:27,700
Okay, that's Martin
and Jodi over there.
858
00:38:27,820 --> 00:38:28,860
Hi.
859
00:38:29,900 --> 00:38:31,740
I'm gonna grab my shirt.
Just take a seat if you want.
860
00:38:31,860 --> 00:38:33,100
Okay.
Cool.
861
00:38:40,020 --> 00:38:41,980
You are scared, aren't you?
862
00:38:48,620 --> 00:38:50,900
Just another day
at the office.
Uh-huh.
863
00:38:54,780 --> 00:38:56,460
Do you have
any acting experience?
864
00:38:56,540 --> 00:38:57,940
No. Uh-huh.
865
00:38:57,980 --> 00:39:00,340
How's it going?
You wanna toke?
866
00:39:00,460 --> 00:39:02,580
No. I'm good.
867
00:39:02,700 --> 00:39:03,740
Hi.
Hi.
868
00:39:03,860 --> 00:39:05,980
I'm Jodi.
Yeah, hi.
869
00:39:06,100 --> 00:39:07,820
I heard you were pregnant.
Mmm-hmm.
870
00:39:07,900 --> 00:39:09,620
Oh, aren't you scared?
871
00:39:09,660 --> 00:39:12,020
The way it's gonna
come out of your...
872
00:39:12,060 --> 00:39:14,940
It's gonna hurt a lot, I bet.
Your vagina...
873
00:39:15,020 --> 00:39:17,020
That's so sick.
874
00:39:17,100 --> 00:39:18,220
I don't know.
875
00:39:18,300 --> 00:39:19,580
Are you hungry?
876
00:39:19,660 --> 00:39:21,580
No, I'm okay right now.
Thank you.
877
00:39:21,660 --> 00:39:24,500
You must be angry
at the baby whenever
it steals your food, huh?
878
00:39:24,620 --> 00:39:26,260
"Oh, it's mine, not yours."
879
00:39:26,300 --> 00:39:30,260
But, you know,
because you're family,
you got to share.
880
00:39:30,380 --> 00:39:31,380
Right.
881
00:39:31,500 --> 00:39:34,300
Man, my balls are shaved.
My pubes are trimmed.
882
00:39:34,420 --> 00:39:36,660
I'm ready to fucking
rock this shit.
883
00:39:36,700 --> 00:39:37,940
What the fuck, man?
884
00:39:37,980 --> 00:39:41,140
If I go in there and see
fucking pubes sprinkled
on the toilet seat,
885
00:39:41,180 --> 00:39:43,020
I'm gonna fucking
lose my mind!
886
00:39:43,100 --> 00:39:44,620
Last time I went
to the bathroom, Jay,
887
00:39:44,700 --> 00:39:47,540
I took a shit and my shit looked
like a fucking stuffed animal!
888
00:39:47,580 --> 00:39:49,460
You're embarrassing me
in company.
889
00:39:49,500 --> 00:39:50,900
You embarrass yourself.
890
00:39:50,940 --> 00:39:53,420
Oh, great. I hope you have
a great evening!
891
00:39:53,500 --> 00:39:55,900
All right. Let's go.
Okay.
892
00:39:56,020 --> 00:39:57,420
See you guys later.
893
00:40:00,060 --> 00:40:03,700
The funny thing is I really
had never even thought
about having a baby.
894
00:40:03,820 --> 00:40:05,820
Yeah.
I mean, if this
hadn't happened,
895
00:40:05,940 --> 00:40:08,620
I don't think I would have
wanted to have a baby for like,
896
00:40:08,700 --> 00:40:10,940
I don't know,
at least 10 years.
At least!
897
00:40:11,060 --> 00:40:13,740
God, I mean, honestly,
I just got used to the, like,
898
00:40:13,820 --> 00:40:16,460
notion that someone would even
have sex with me.
899
00:40:16,540 --> 00:40:18,620
I didn't think
this would happen.
900
00:40:19,660 --> 00:40:20,700
Get ready.
901
00:40:20,820 --> 00:40:22,460
This will be coming out of you
in seven months.
902
00:40:23,660 --> 00:40:25,340
This is exactly what
our baby will look like.
903
00:40:25,460 --> 00:40:28,020
It's a beautiful picture, Ben.
It is. It's not bad.
904
00:40:28,060 --> 00:40:29,140
Hello, Mommy.
905
00:40:29,260 --> 00:40:30,820
Our baby's gonna be
French-Canadian.
906
00:40:30,900 --> 00:40:32,020
With a little hint
of Spanish.
907
00:40:32,060 --> 00:40:34,900
Exactly. I'm not good
with accents, but...
908
00:40:34,940 --> 00:40:36,980
Baby books.
Awesome.
909
00:40:37,100 --> 00:40:38,540
"What to Expect
When You're Expecting. "
910
00:40:38,620 --> 00:40:39,940
What can we expect?
911
00:40:40,020 --> 00:40:42,740
Well, you can't eat sushi.
912
00:40:43,180 --> 00:40:44,500
You can't smoke.
913
00:40:44,620 --> 00:40:47,860
You can't smoke marijuana.
You can't smoke crack.
914
00:40:47,980 --> 00:40:49,620
You can't jump on trampolines.
915
00:40:49,660 --> 00:40:52,260
This is basically a giant list
of things you can't do.
916
00:40:52,340 --> 00:40:53,740
Yeah, it sounds thrilling.
917
00:40:53,860 --> 00:40:55,460
I'm gonna be sitting there
on the trampoline
smoking crack.
918
00:40:56,660 --> 00:40:58,700
And you're not gonna have
anything to do.
You're gonna be bored.
919
00:40:58,780 --> 00:41:00,340
But I can't wait
to read these, honestly.
920
00:41:00,420 --> 00:41:02,020
Seriously, I put these
in front of my toilet, though,
921
00:41:02,100 --> 00:41:03,700
they'll be read
by tomorrow morning.
922
00:41:03,820 --> 00:41:05,100
Do you want me
to get you that?
Yeah.
923
00:41:05,180 --> 00:41:06,500
You like it?
Yeah, thank you.
924
00:41:06,580 --> 00:41:07,780
No problem.
925
00:41:07,860 --> 00:41:09,460
These are heavy.
926
00:41:22,780 --> 00:41:24,340
So what do you think?
Should we have sex tonight?
927
00:41:26,140 --> 00:41:27,540
Sounds awful.
928
00:41:29,900 --> 00:41:32,020
I'm just really constipated.
929
00:41:32,940 --> 00:41:34,260
Do you really want to?
930
00:41:34,300 --> 00:41:35,580
Well, now...
931
00:41:35,660 --> 00:41:36,980
Shut up.
932
00:41:37,100 --> 00:41:38,900
It's pretty crazy,
your sister's pregnant.
933
00:41:38,980 --> 00:41:40,340
We have to help her.
934
00:41:40,420 --> 00:41:43,180
I think they'll be fine.
Look at us. It happened to us.
935
00:41:43,260 --> 00:41:45,340
We'll help her raise the baby.
936
00:41:45,420 --> 00:41:46,580
Well...
937
00:41:48,380 --> 00:41:49,540
Fuck!
938
00:41:55,220 --> 00:41:58,380
At least we don't have
to use a condom, you know?
939
00:41:59,420 --> 00:42:02,500
But we can. I don't...
I brought some
just in case. I don't...
940
00:42:02,580 --> 00:42:04,900
I don't have VD or anything.
I mean, I don't, I thought...
941
00:42:04,980 --> 00:42:06,140
It's not that.
942
00:42:06,220 --> 00:42:07,500
You know, it's just...
943
00:42:07,580 --> 00:42:11,940
I thought maybe we could get
a little fun out of
your situation, you know?
944
00:42:12,020 --> 00:42:14,740
Okay, first of all,
it's not my situation.
It's our situation.
945
00:42:14,860 --> 00:42:16,100
I know, of course,
I know that.
946
00:42:16,180 --> 00:42:17,940
And just because I'm pregnant,
I'm not some ruined woman
947
00:42:18,020 --> 00:42:19,380
and all romance
goes out the door.
948
00:42:19,420 --> 00:42:21,300
Okay, okay. I'm sorry.
949
00:42:22,900 --> 00:42:24,300
It's just...
950
00:42:25,420 --> 00:42:28,180
I like you a lot.
That's all this is. That's...
951
00:42:31,820 --> 00:42:32,980
I like you, too.
952
00:42:33,060 --> 00:42:34,420
Sweet.
953
00:42:34,540 --> 00:42:36,340
A little, so far.
954
00:42:36,420 --> 00:42:38,260
I mean, we have seven months
before the baby comes.
955
00:42:38,380 --> 00:42:39,980
We don't have to rush it.
Yeah.
956
00:42:40,060 --> 00:42:42,900
We should really just try
to get to know each other
957
00:42:42,980 --> 00:42:44,820
and give this a real shot.
958
00:42:44,900 --> 00:42:47,980
You know, we got ourselves
into this situation.
We kind of have to.
959
00:42:48,060 --> 00:42:50,260
For the baby, right?
Exactly.
960
00:42:52,780 --> 00:42:56,020
Okay, if this was our second
date, what would you do?
961
00:42:56,100 --> 00:43:00,780
B.J., if I'm just being
honest, I would probably...
962
00:43:00,860 --> 00:43:04,740
I told my roommates
I thought I was gonna
get a B.J., so...
963
00:43:04,820 --> 00:43:05,860
You know what?
964
00:43:05,940 --> 00:43:08,660
For the sake of getting
to know one another,
can you not talk like that?
965
00:43:08,740 --> 00:43:12,460
Yeah, I can do that.
I'm... I'm really nervous.
966
00:43:12,540 --> 00:43:14,300
I'm nervous, too.
I'm really nervous.
967
00:43:14,380 --> 00:43:15,860
Yeah.
968
00:43:26,900 --> 00:43:29,260
You're a sweet guy, right?
969
00:43:29,380 --> 00:43:31,700
I think I am. Yeah.
970
00:43:31,820 --> 00:43:33,740
Don't fuck me over, okay?
971
00:43:34,140 --> 00:43:35,780
I wouldn't do that.
972
00:43:36,580 --> 00:43:39,860
Just so you know,
I'm the guy girls fuck over.
973
00:43:39,940 --> 00:43:41,940
I'm that guy.
So you don't fuck me over.
974
00:43:42,060 --> 00:43:43,060
Okay?
Okay.
975
00:43:43,180 --> 00:43:46,380
I couldn't take it.
I can't raise this baby alone.
976
00:44:02,180 --> 00:44:03,420
Who's he?
977
00:44:03,500 --> 00:44:05,060
I'm Ben Stone.
978
00:44:05,980 --> 00:44:07,700
He's my boyfriend.
979
00:44:09,660 --> 00:44:11,220
That's nice.
980
00:44:11,300 --> 00:44:12,900
I've never met him before.
981
00:44:12,980 --> 00:44:14,740
Well, he's a new boyfriend.
982
00:44:14,820 --> 00:44:15,980
But a boyfriend.
983
00:44:16,060 --> 00:44:19,060
So he came over
for breakfast because
he's your new boyfriend?
984
00:44:19,180 --> 00:44:20,980
Yeah.
He came from his house.
985
00:44:21,060 --> 00:44:22,660
Drove over to our house
986
00:44:22,740 --> 00:44:25,460
because he thought
it would be fun
to have breakfast with us,
987
00:44:25,540 --> 00:44:29,460
so he drove his car
from his house to our house
to have breakfast.
988
00:44:29,580 --> 00:44:31,620
Because he likes
breakfast so much.
989
00:44:31,700 --> 00:44:33,540
I love breakfast.
990
00:44:33,620 --> 00:44:37,620
You guys wanna hear something neat?
We're gonna have a baby together.
991
00:44:37,700 --> 00:44:39,620
What?
Yeah, a baby.
992
00:44:39,700 --> 00:44:40,980
Well, you're not married.
993
00:44:41,060 --> 00:44:43,060
Aren't you supposed
to be married to have a baby?
994
00:44:43,180 --> 00:44:44,340
You don't have to be.
995
00:44:44,420 --> 00:44:46,580
But they should be
because they love each other,
996
00:44:46,660 --> 00:44:50,020
and people who love each other
get married and have babies.
997
00:44:50,100 --> 00:44:51,020
Mmm-mmm.
998
00:44:51,540 --> 00:44:53,140
Where do babies come from?
999
00:44:53,220 --> 00:44:55,140
Where do you think
they come from?
1000
00:44:55,220 --> 00:44:58,380
Well, I think a stork,
he drops it down,
1001
00:44:58,460 --> 00:45:00,460
and then a hole goes
in your body,
1002
00:45:00,540 --> 00:45:02,820
and there's blood everywhere,
coming out of your head,
1003
00:45:02,900 --> 00:45:06,100
and then you push
your belly button,
and then your butt falls off,
1004
00:45:06,220 --> 00:45:09,140
and then you hold your butt
and you have to dig,
1005
00:45:09,260 --> 00:45:11,380
and you'll find a little baby.
1006
00:45:11,460 --> 00:45:13,260
That's exactly right.
1007
00:45:13,660 --> 00:45:15,380
Feed the teddy bear.
1008
00:45:15,500 --> 00:45:17,900
Okay, I feed
your bear the grass?
1009
00:45:19,740 --> 00:45:20,900
Okay.
1010
00:45:21,420 --> 00:45:24,620
You know what your bear
would also like
to do with some grass?
1011
00:45:24,700 --> 00:45:25,940
Smoke it.
1012
00:45:26,660 --> 00:45:29,420
What do you think of him?
He's funny, right?
1013
00:45:29,500 --> 00:45:30,660
Mmm-hmm.
1014
00:45:30,740 --> 00:45:32,300
Fetch.
1015
00:45:32,380 --> 00:45:34,060
All right, bring it back.
1016
00:45:34,860 --> 00:45:36,780
He's playing fetch
with my kids.
1017
00:45:36,900 --> 00:45:38,300
He's treating my kids
like they're dogs.
1018
00:45:38,380 --> 00:45:39,700
No, he's not.
1019
00:45:39,780 --> 00:45:40,980
Go get it! Fetch!
1020
00:45:41,020 --> 00:45:42,900
Who plays fetch
with kids?
1021
00:45:42,980 --> 00:45:44,980
He's trying.
He's making an effort.
1022
00:45:45,100 --> 00:45:47,380
Bring it back.
He's overweight.
1023
00:45:47,500 --> 00:45:48,820
Where does that end?
1024
00:45:48,900 --> 00:45:50,580
How old is he?
23.
1025
00:45:50,700 --> 00:45:52,020
Looks 33.
1026
00:45:52,580 --> 00:45:55,220
He can barely get in and out
of that little house.
1027
00:45:55,300 --> 00:45:57,140
Imagine how much bigger
he's gonna get.
1028
00:45:57,260 --> 00:45:59,380
That means he has bad genes.
1029
00:45:59,460 --> 00:46:01,620
Your kid is gonna
be overweight.
1030
00:46:01,660 --> 00:46:02,900
Shit.
1031
00:46:03,020 --> 00:46:04,460
I'm gonna get you!
1032
00:46:05,100 --> 00:46:06,740
I'm gonna get...
1033
00:46:09,420 --> 00:46:11,220
Just give him a break.
1034
00:46:14,380 --> 00:46:15,940
Okay. I'll try.
1035
00:46:23,060 --> 00:46:24,740
They seem to love bubbles.
1036
00:46:24,820 --> 00:46:27,820
Oh, God. They go
ape shit over bubbles.
1037
00:46:27,900 --> 00:46:28,940
They're really going ape shit.
1038
00:46:29,020 --> 00:46:32,340
I mean, that's an incredible
thing about a child.
1039
00:46:32,460 --> 00:46:33,900
I mean, what's so great
about bubbles?
1040
00:46:33,980 --> 00:46:36,980
They float. You can pop them.
I mean, I get it. I get it.
1041
00:46:37,100 --> 00:46:40,140
I wish I liked anything as much
as my kids like bubbles.
1042
00:46:40,220 --> 00:46:42,420
That's sad.
It's totally sad.
1043
00:46:42,540 --> 00:46:47,220
Their smiling faces just
point out your inability
to enjoy anything.
1044
00:46:47,340 --> 00:46:49,260
Am I gonna be okay, man?
1045
00:46:50,100 --> 00:46:52,020
Oh, who knows?
1046
00:46:52,980 --> 00:46:55,060
Is anybody okay? I'm not okay.
1047
00:46:55,180 --> 00:46:56,620
You're asking the wrong guy.
1048
00:46:56,740 --> 00:46:59,660
Just don't ask me to lend you
any money, you know?
1049
00:46:59,780 --> 00:47:01,580
Can I just have some?
1050
00:47:02,380 --> 00:47:03,460
No.
1051
00:47:06,780 --> 00:47:09,180
I have 15 years
of tennis lessons.
1052
00:47:09,700 --> 00:47:12,300
And 12 years
of sucking dick lessons.
1053
00:47:12,380 --> 00:47:13,420
So?
1054
00:47:13,500 --> 00:47:15,060
I can't ref the next games,
by the way.
1055
00:47:15,180 --> 00:47:18,020
I got to go meet
gynecologists with Allison.
1056
00:47:18,100 --> 00:47:19,980
She doesn't like
her gynecologist.
1057
00:47:20,100 --> 00:47:22,420
You think she likes you?
She's trying to.
1058
00:47:23,300 --> 00:47:26,060
She's entertaining
the idea of liking you.
Exactly. I'll take that.
1059
00:47:26,140 --> 00:47:28,420
Yeah, well, see,
she's bringing you
to the gynaechiatrist.
1060
00:47:28,500 --> 00:47:30,580
She must like you.
Yeah. Pretty good, I think.
1061
00:47:30,700 --> 00:47:33,300
You know who
I'd like to get pregnant,
is that Felicity Huffman, man.
1062
00:47:33,420 --> 00:47:35,700
Ever since Transamerica, I can't
get her out of my mind.
1063
00:47:35,820 --> 00:47:37,940
Okay, guys. I hate to
crack the whip,
1064
00:47:38,020 --> 00:47:40,100
but it's kind of
business meeting time.
1065
00:47:40,180 --> 00:47:42,420
I need moolah.
1066
00:47:42,540 --> 00:47:44,940
When do you think
we can launch this site?
Jeez.
1067
00:47:45,060 --> 00:47:46,500
Look, man. You can't rush this.
1068
00:47:46,580 --> 00:47:48,180
You know what happens
to these sites when they go up
1069
00:47:48,300 --> 00:47:49,900
and they don't function well?
They die.
1070
00:47:49,980 --> 00:47:53,300
Seriously, guys, let's say
I want to launch today.
1071
00:47:53,420 --> 00:47:56,100
Let's start. Let's use that
as a jumping off point.
1072
00:47:56,180 --> 00:47:58,100
Let's make this happen.
What can we do?
1073
00:47:58,220 --> 00:48:00,820
Look, man, I didn't go
to Yale so I could work
12 hours a day.
1074
00:48:00,900 --> 00:48:02,380
I thought you went
to Santa Monica City College.
1075
00:48:02,460 --> 00:48:03,940
I went where I went, Jason.
1076
00:48:04,020 --> 00:48:05,780
I'm not asking you
to work 12 hours a day.
1077
00:48:05,900 --> 00:48:08,420
I mean, you guys watch movies
without nudity in them.
1078
00:48:08,500 --> 00:48:11,220
I'll tell you what, man.
We could probably
get it online in three months.
1079
00:48:11,300 --> 00:48:12,900
Thank you. Yes! Three months.
1080
00:48:12,980 --> 00:48:14,740
Come on, Jason!
1081
00:48:14,860 --> 00:48:16,180
Fuck off!
1082
00:48:16,300 --> 00:48:18,580
Yeah, well, you still have
a little dick, Cartman.
1083
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:21,440
Do you smoke cigarettes?
No.
1084
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:24,080
Do you smoke cigarettes?
1085
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:25,520
I have on occasion.
1086
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:27,760
On occasion? When? When was
the last time you had one cig?
1087
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:29,240
You know, one, you know, little...
1088
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:31,840
I need to know,
or I will not be your doctor.
1089
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:35,040
How you doing?
1090
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:38,160
I'm breathing like James
Gandolfini over here.
1091
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:41,480
Slow down, man.
You're making me look
like a jackass.
1092
00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:43,120
How long you kids
been married?
1093
00:48:43,240 --> 00:48:44,480
We're not.
No.
1094
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:45,480
You're single?
1095
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:47,840
She's not single.
She's just not married.
1096
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:49,800
Are you two together?
1097
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:52,960
Hey, you wanna
trade boyfriends?
1098
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:56,240
Just kidding. Kind of.
1099
00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:05,200
That is not your vagina.
That's your asshole.
1100
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:07,120
That happens
about five times a day.
1101
00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:09,600
Are you sure you don't
wanna come paintballing?
1102
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,760
Have fun, guys. Seriously.
Watch the eyes.
1103
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:13,600
See you, guys.
See you, Ally. Bye.
1104
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:16,880
I don't wanna go.
I swear to God.
1105
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:19,400
I wanna see Breathless
at the LACMA.
1106
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:22,960
Boobs! Boobs, boobs, boobs!
1107
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:24,400
Hold on, pause it,
pause it, pause it.
1108
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:25,960
Boobs and bush!
Boobs and bush.
1109
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:27,600
Good boobs.
Those are good ones!
1110
00:49:27,720 --> 00:49:29,440
We're like
35 seconds in. Nice.
1111
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:31,280
Right in
the beginning credits.
Credit bush.
1112
00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:33,680
You never get
opening credit bush.
I know. That's so crazy.
1113
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:35,440
No.
1114
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:38,320
You got me.
1115
00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:40,160
You got me.
1116
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:42,880
How many doctors are there
in your practice?
1117
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:45,360
Just 'cause I'm sort of
looking for a more
personal experience.
1118
00:49:45,480 --> 00:49:48,480
I wanna make sure
that you're my doctor
on the day, and...
1119
00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:50,280
Yeah, I understand.
1120
00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:54,960
We have three other doctors
in the practice,
but I'm your man, okay?
1121
00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:57,680
I don't take vacations.
I hate Hawaii.
1122
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:00,120
I went to the Caribbean
when I was 14,
1123
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:02,440
and I'm never going back.
1124
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:04,800
I feel really good about this.
I think we found our doctor.
1125
00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:06,000
Really?
Yeah.
1126
00:50:06,120 --> 00:50:07,320
All right.
1127
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:09,680
Are you serious right now?
Yeah.
1128
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:10,880
Wow.
1129
00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:13,000
You look relieved.
I am very relieved.
1130
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:16,040
I can't imagine meeting
any more of you people.
1131
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:17,880
You're being dramatic.
We didn't meet that many.
1132
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:27,440
Do they know?
1133
00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:28,560
Pardon?
1134
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:31,600
The belly.
1135
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:34,200
Oh, yeah. The donuts,
they call to me.
1136
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:37,720
Hey, Allison. Great job.
Thanks.
1137
00:50:39,720 --> 00:50:42,800
You're pregnant, aren't you?
What?
1138
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:45,320
I mean, you've put on like,
eight pounds, nine.
1139
00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:47,280
It's all in your uterus.
1140
00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:49,120
Oh, shit.
1141
00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:52,840
I haven't told them.
Do you think
they're gonna be mad?
1142
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:55,320
I'm, like, really
chickening out about this.
1143
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:57,320
It's okay. We can hide this.
1144
00:50:57,440 --> 00:51:00,920
We'll dress you in black,
and we'll emphasize
your boobs.
1145
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:02,120
Awesome.
1146
00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:04,680
I mean, your boobs
are gonna be big.
1147
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:06,960
And then they're
gonna be, like, scary big.
1148
00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:10,520
But then they'll go down.
And then they'll stay down.
1149
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:13,160
Just... Just don't
say anything, okay?
Please don't say anything.
1150
00:51:13,240 --> 00:51:16,880
Oh, no, I won't, I won't.
Just tell them. They'll be cool.
1151
00:51:17,720 --> 00:51:20,200
Everybody loves
somebody pregnant.
1152
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:25,040
Did you see
this sex offender website?
1153
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:27,680
These are all the sex
offenders in our neighborhood.
1154
00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:30,560
Looks like your computer
has chicken pox.
1155
00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:32,240
Those are sex offenders.
1156
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:34,560
These people live
in our neighborhood.
1157
00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:36,400
Well, I'll skip their houses
when we're trick-or-treating.
1158
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:38,800
What do you want me to do?
Form a posse?
1159
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:41,120
Got your six-shooter on you?
I got my lynching rope.
1160
00:51:41,240 --> 00:51:42,360
You shouldn't take it
so lightly.
1161
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:43,560
I don't take it lightly.
1162
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:46,200
You know, I'm not gonna
go over to any of these
people's houses and say,
1163
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:48,320
"Hey, do you mind...
Can you baby-sit?"
1164
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:50,240
If I didn't care about
these things,
1165
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:51,760
you wouldn't
care about anything.
1166
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:52,960
Care more.
1167
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:55,520
You're so concerned
with stuff, like
"Don't get them vaccinated.
1168
00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:57,840
"Don't let them eat fish.
There's mercury in the water."
1169
00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:00,400
Jesus, how much
Dateline NBC can you watch?
1170
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:02,800
I know we're supposed
to be nice
with each other right now,
1171
00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:04,160
but I'm having
a really hard time.
1172
00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:06,320
I'm struggling
with it right now.
What am I doing?
1173
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:10,320
'Cause I want to rip your
fucking head off because
you're so fucking stupid!
1174
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:13,520
This is scary.
These are our children.
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
1175
00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:17,240
You fucking dipshit.
God! You...
Mmm-hmm.
1176
00:52:17,360 --> 00:52:19,840
I literally am at a point where
I don't know what I can say.
1177
00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:21,040
So I'm the bad guy
1178
00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:24,160
because I'm trying to protect
our kids from child molesters
and mercury?
1179
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:26,560
And you're cool
'cause you don't give a shit.
1180
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:29,040
Yeah.
Yeah? Is that it?
1181
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:31,760
Pretty much.
God, you're an asshole.
1182
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:33,920
Don't do this in front of Ben.
1183
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:36,080
I don't give a shit about Ben.
1184
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:37,280
Sorry, Ben.
1185
00:52:37,360 --> 00:52:39,240
It's okay. I didn't think
she did, anyway.
1186
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:40,920
Okay, come on! Let's go.
1187
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:42,560
Oh, I can't go.
1188
00:52:42,640 --> 00:52:45,360
This band is doing a showcase
out in the Valley. I got to go.
1189
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:46,880
It's Saturday.
1190
00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:49,560
I got to go.
1191
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:51,800
You don't want to know
the sex of the baby?
1192
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:53,520
That's no fun.
1193
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:56,800
Ben knows, but I've
sworn him to secrecy.
1194
00:52:56,920 --> 00:52:58,480
I'll get it out of him.
1195
00:52:58,560 --> 00:52:59,640
No.
1196
00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:07,280
Hey.
1197
00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:10,360
Think we'll ever be as happy
as Baby Bj�rn couple is?
1198
00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:12,120
We are that happy.
1199
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:13,880
Yeah. You look happy.
1200
00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:16,440
Which is awesome,
'cause I never like
guys like you. It's great.
1201
00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:18,240
You keep saying that. I know.
1202
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:20,480
This is it. This is perfect.
1203
00:53:21,240 --> 00:53:22,480
Nice.
1204
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:24,400
Holy shit! It's 1,400 bucks.
1205
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:26,200
We can just borrow yours.
Is that okay?
1206
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:28,200
No. You need your own crib.
1207
00:53:28,280 --> 00:53:30,800
You know, there's one
of these lying in an alley
behind my house.
1208
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:33,440
We could just grab that.
Just rub Purell all over it.
1209
00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:34,840
You know what? Let me buy it.
1210
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:36,680
I need to get you
a baby present anyway.
1211
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:38,680
And I would love
to get it for you.
No.
1212
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:40,000
I'm serious. I want to.
1213
00:53:40,080 --> 00:53:41,960
No. It's too much.
1214
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:45,080
Yes. We'll take it.
1215
00:53:45,200 --> 00:53:48,160
Obviously, I mean,
don't insult the woman.
She wants to get us a gift.
1216
00:53:48,240 --> 00:53:49,240
Right.
1217
00:53:49,360 --> 00:53:52,000
Wanna buy me some new shoes?
What else can I
squeeze out of you?
1218
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:53,840
Xbox 360. Xbox 360.
1219
00:53:55,920 --> 00:53:57,360
So hot in the Valley.
1220
00:53:57,440 --> 00:54:00,480
Hey! Oh, Allison!
Hi.
1221
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:02,080
How are you?
1222
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:04,560
It's so good to see you.
1223
00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:06,600
We've been watching you on E!
It's the coolest thing.
1224
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:08,640
Yeah, it's been super
exciting, just crazy busy.
1225
00:54:08,720 --> 00:54:10,160
I'm so sorry I haven't called.
1226
00:54:10,240 --> 00:54:11,640
Oh, it's fine.
Hi, I'm Ashley.
1227
00:54:11,760 --> 00:54:12,880
This is my friend, Ben.
I'm Ben.
1228
00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:14,200
I went to school with Allison.
1229
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:16,120
Okay, so, is Debbie
having another baby?
1230
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:18,480
No. Allison is.
1231
00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:21,200
What? I just saw you
a couple months ago.
You're pregnant?
1232
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:23,200
It was a big surprise.
1233
00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:25,320
It's actually... It's a really
funny story, actually.
1234
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:26,840
If you guys... If you got
a second to hear it.
1235
00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:28,440
It's not really funny.
It's not funny.
1236
00:54:28,560 --> 00:54:31,200
Let them be the judge, okay?
I think it's funny.
1237
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:33,040
You know they say
don't drink and drive?
Uh-huh.
1238
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:35,360
Don't drink and bone!
Wow.
1239
00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:36,480
Okay.
1240
00:54:38,080 --> 00:54:39,520
Yeah, I mean,
she was acting weird,
1241
00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:41,160
and I really think
it's just 'cause, like,
1242
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:43,120
you know, I haven't made
an honest woman out of her.
1243
00:54:43,160 --> 00:54:45,560
She's carrying my bastard child.
No one wants that.
1244
00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:47,760
That's what I did.
I mean, I married Debbie
when she got pregnant.
1245
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:49,320
You think she's, like,
hiding me?
1246
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:51,680
Like, she's, like, embarrassed
by me or something like that?
1247
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:53,760
Probably. I'd hide you.
1248
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:55,560
How much do wedding rings cost?
1249
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:57,040
I mean, it really depends,
you know?
1250
00:54:57,080 --> 00:55:00,000
I think you're supposed to spend,
like, three months' pay on a ring.
1251
00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:02,040
That'll be easy.
I don't make any money.
1252
00:55:02,160 --> 00:55:04,520
Really? I thought there was
lot of money in porn.
1253
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:06,360
God, it's not porn, okay?
1254
00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:10,160
All we do is we show you
what nude scenes
are in what movies.
1255
00:55:10,240 --> 00:55:11,600
Oh, like Mr. Skin?
1256
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:12,880
Who's Mr. Skin?
1257
00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:14,680
Dude, Mr. Skin.
1258
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:16,760
Mr. Skin?
1259
00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:19,320
No!
1260
00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:21,560
We've wasted
14 months of our lives.
1261
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:24,040
This is exactly
the same as our site.
1262
00:55:24,120 --> 00:55:25,360
How the fuck did this happen?
1263
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:27,600
Mr. Skin. That's even
a better name than ours!
1264
00:55:27,640 --> 00:55:28,760
Fuck me in the beard.
1265
00:55:28,880 --> 00:55:30,960
Dude, they got the top 10
group shower scenes!
1266
00:55:31,080 --> 00:55:32,400
Why didn't you think
of that, Jay?
1267
00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:33,840
Don't put this on me!
1268
00:55:33,880 --> 00:55:34,920
God damn it!
1269
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:38,960
Well, shit, I saw it online
at one point, but I guess
I didn't connect the dots.
1270
00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:40,200
What are we gonna do now?
1271
00:55:40,280 --> 00:55:42,280
All we need to do is think
of a new, better idea
1272
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:43,960
that no one else
has thought of already.
1273
00:55:44,080 --> 00:55:46,680
Oh, dude, Spider-Man 3
starts in eight minutes.
1274
00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:49,040
Don't worry, man.
We'll figure it out.
1275
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:57,040
You know what?
1276
00:55:57,160 --> 00:56:00,040
I think just because
this site exists
1277
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:02,320
doesn't mean our site
won't work, necessarily.
1278
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:03,760
Good things come
in pairs, man, you know.
1279
00:56:03,840 --> 00:56:05,160
Oh, for sure.
1280
00:56:05,240 --> 00:56:08,720
Volcano, Dante's Peak,
Deep Impact, Armageddon, right?
1281
00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:10,440
Wyatt Earp, Tombstone.
1282
00:56:10,480 --> 00:56:13,000
Panda Express,
Yoshinoya Beef Bowl.
1283
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:14,640
Exactly. We can work together.