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ADMISSION
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An admissions officer
must have a strong constitution...
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to be on the receiving end of...
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..-an entire nation's application panic.
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To endure the frustration and anger
of all the so-called millennial parents,
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who just realized...
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- Come on, hurry up!
- God, mom, relax.
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There isn't room
for every perfectly nurtured,
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organically fed,
well-tutored offspring.
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OK, I'm your tour guide.
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There's no point
in trying to impress me.
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I have absolutely no power
over your fate here.
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The people with the power
are right in there.
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The Admissions officers.
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And no,
that sign is not an omen.
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Except for some of you.
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Almost all of you, actually.
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We had twenty six thousand,
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two hundred and forty one
applications last year.
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One thousand, three hundred
and eight of those applicants...
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are attending school here.
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James, tours leave at 9:15.
It is 9:25.
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Sorry, I thought I'd wait.
We had a late arrival.
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I'm sorry, our GPS lied.
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No worries, Mrs...
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...Lafont.
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Welcome to Princeton.
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So what's the secret
to getting in?
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The secret.
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Just be yourself.
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If this is the right place for you,
then this is where you'll end up.
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- James?
- Ok, let's go see Princeton.
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We're going to play
a fun game.
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It's called spot
the Nobel Prize winner.
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What's the secret
to getting in?
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There has to be one, right?
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Well, there is.
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But I can't tell you.
Not yet.
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What I can tell you
is everyone thinks we're sadists.
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That we like saying no.
This is not true.
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- No.
- Portia.
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No no no.
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You're second reader
on my territory this season.
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Yes, I know.
As are you on mine.
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That's the way it works.
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I'll just wail
until you catch up with me.
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We are in this job
for one reason.
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- Hello?
- Is this Portia Nathan?
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To say.
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Yes.
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Wow, I didn't think I'd gel you.
It's John Pressman...
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...from the New Quest School
in Keene, New Hampshire.
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OK.
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Yeah, I sent you a few e-mails
and left a couple messages.
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Listen, thank you for calling.
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Can you please e-mail me your information
and I will call you back?
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Hey, not so rough.
58
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How'd you like
to have your udder yanked like that?
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- Excuse me?
- Sorry, I was just talking to a student.
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People, everyone, please.
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I have a couple
of announcements.
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There is an announcement.
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Portia,
we're a new developmental school...
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and we have our first
graduating class this year.
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I know you're going to be making
your school visits in the next few weeks.
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I'd like for you
to visit our campus.
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Our kids would gain a lot from it
and I think you would too.
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Right, I will look into it.
Gotta go.
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You know,
I went to Dartmouth, same time as you.
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Bye.
Thank you for calling.
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So we're breaking records
in application numbers, naturally...
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...because we've been
number one for so long.
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Number one until today.
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Princeton has just fallen
to number two.
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What this means
is that we all have to work harder than ever...
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...because I want to go out on top.
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Yes,
you see the rumors are true.
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I've decided to retire.
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And pass the baton
to a worthy successor.
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I'm spending an extra four days
in the Andover-Hotchkiss triangle.
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And I've added five full days to the San Francisco
Bay Area and Northern California.
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And I've added a number
of new schools.
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In fact, I was just talking
to the co-founder of Quest.-.
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...a developmental high school
with their first year of college applicants.
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Clarence,
we're going to be back on lop.
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We're going to make that happen.
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By working together.
Right, Portia?
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Absolutely.
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As a mother myself,
I know the importance of teamwork.
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And I am not a mother,
but I know the importance of it loo.
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Can't go it alone.
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Good.
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Because you two
are my superstars...
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...and nothing would make me happier
than if one of you...
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.-.were to have this office next year-.
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OK.
97
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Class of 2016.
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Pediatric surgery best combines
my love of children...
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...of science, and my desire
to give back to my community.
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00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:55,927
Yes, but you didn't challenge
yourself academically.
101
00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:59,671
B's in Physics
and you didn't take AP Chem.
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UNLIKELY
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00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:04,403
Princeton's awesome.
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00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:09,478
Since 1841, every male in my family
has attended the place.
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Student Body President.
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And gymnastics
national champion.
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Educated family.
Privileged upbringing.
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Unfair advantage?
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2400 on the SAT. 4.5 GPA.
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And my poetry,
written in my mother's psych ward...
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...will be published by Knopf.
And my father is Cuban.
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And in a wheelchair.
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- Can I gel some advice?
- No.
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Applicalus interruptus.
You know the rule.
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Never start a folder
if you can't finish it.
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I have to start over anyway.
OK.
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This kid from Alaska,
Aput Kunayak.
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High grades,
but low scores.
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President of ten clubs,
but that might be because of his ADD.
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We want to accept people
who will succeed here.
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You know, I once fought for a bipolar Inuit girl
and she lasted nineteen days.
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- Do you think he might fail?
- Maybe.
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I like him.
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It's so hard.
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You can't take it
so personally.
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You have to toughen up
or you won't last here either.
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Now outsies.
I'm swamped.
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Portia?
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I hope it's you.
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Thank you.
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Back to work.
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Portia!
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Hello?
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Portia?
Portia? Portia...
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I'm so sorry,
I've got an emergency.
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Can you just watch the kids
while I run to the vet?
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Because Richard's
at his Faulkner seminar.
138
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Me?
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Well, Mark should have been home
twenty minutes ago,
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and it's our poetry night, and...
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...really, I'm the last person
you want watching your kids.
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Quiet!
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- Did someone die?
- Rachael's dog is sick.
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She begged me.
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Good times.
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- I've got essays to grade.
- No.
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It's OK.
Mommy's here.
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What did you do to them?
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Rachael,
you know Portia's not good with kids.
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It's not her fault.
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Kids just don't take
to some people.
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I don't know
what you were thinking.
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Sorry, he's right.
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They're like pit bulls.
They can smell fear.
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Good night.
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Take them all.
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You know, if I gel Clarence's job,
this will be my last travel season.
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Lovely and wonderful.
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I've got everything planned out.
I'll be back in time for the department lunch.
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And I've ordered everything,
you just need to pick up the...
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...chicken and I will stop and get
the famous bean salad on my way home.
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The famous bean salad.
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00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:08,153
Is that horrible Woolf woman
going to be there?
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00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:12,257
Helen is the preeminent
Virginia Woolf scholar.
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It was quite a coup
to get her from Cambridge.
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But I think
she has other plans.
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Lovely and wonderful.
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I like this life.
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- I do, I do.
- Good. So do I.
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It's so wonderfully...
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...simple.
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Well, we're simple folk.
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Woof!
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Excuse me?
175
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You just patted me
on the head like a dog.
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Did I?
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Good doggie.
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Hi.
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Thank you so much for coming.
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My pleasure.
We love Deerfield students.
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I'm so pleased.
Good.
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- Can I help you bring in your things?
- Yes, please.
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00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:31,002
Princeton.
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00:09:31,003 --> 00:09:35,281
In the nation's service
and in the service of all nations.
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So, you all want to know
the secret formula for getting in, right?
186
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:45,984
Take out your pens.
Write this down.
187
00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:48,363
There is no secret formula.
188
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:51,656
Left on Pony Run Drive.
189
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,959
But I will tell you
what not to do.
190
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No champagne,
no baked goods,
191
00:09:56,128 --> 00:09:59,064
and when you phone,
it is noted in your file.
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So put the reins
on those eager parents of yours.
193
00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:04,035
We're looking for passion.
194
00:10:04,036 --> 00:10:06,304
Whatever it's for,
doesn't matter.
195
00:10:06,305 --> 00:10:07,138
Passion.
196
00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:09,074
Right on Shady Lane.
197
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:13,678
Does that mean every Princeton
undergraduate is a genius or a prodigy?
198
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:14,980
Absolutely not.
199
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:17,816
Although we certainly
wouldn't hold it against you.
200
00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:19,592
Almost enough for everybody.
201
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:29,463
Recalcu Eating.
Recalculating. Recalculating-.
202
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:36,801
Make a U turn
as soon as possible.
203
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:38,008
The New Quest School
204
00:10:39,171 --> 00:10:40,013
No Service
205
00:10:56,088 --> 00:10:57,355
HEY-
206
00:10:57,356 --> 00:10:58,630
Hi.
207
00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:01,559
Portia Nathan,
Princeton Admissions office.
208
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:03,194
I know. I'm John.
209
00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:05,664
Yes, and you said
you went to Dartmouth?
210
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:09,100
Yeah, and my dad,
and his dad, and his dad.
211
00:11:09,101 --> 00:11:10,201
A legacy-
212
00:11:10,202 --> 00:11:12,773
A legacy of what,
I'm not really sure.
213
00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:15,874
So you're chopping
some wood here?
214
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:19,277
I'm showing them how to build
a sustainable irrigation system.
215
00:11:19,278 --> 00:11:20,945
This is my third world
development class.
216
00:11:20,946 --> 00:11:22,881
Well, nice axe.
217
00:11:22,882 --> 00:11:24,520
Great axe.
218
00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:28,164
- So let's gel to it.
- Yeah.
219
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,071
Hi there.
220
00:11:46,072 --> 00:11:50,680
You all want to know the secret formula
for getting in, right?
221
00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:55,648
Well, take out your pens.
222
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,426
Take them out.
223
00:12:04,156 --> 00:12:05,464
Yes?
224
00:12:06,025 --> 00:12:08,359
I'll tell you what I'd like to know.
225
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,929
Why should I apply
to an elitist institution...
226
00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:14,666
.-.with a history of anti-black, anti-gay,
and anti-female oppression?
227
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,768
Well, actually,
I reject that stereotype-
228
00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:17,902
Speaking of rejection,
229
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:20,939
don't you reject 99.9 percent
of your applicants?
230
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:23,808
And don't you just want to drum up applications
to keep your number one position...
231
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:25,076
on U.S. News
and World Report?
232
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:27,645
Well actually,
I think it's number two this year, right?
233
00:12:27,646 --> 00:12:30,648
- Yes, but-
- No, I'm sure it's an aberration.
234
00:12:30,649 --> 00:12:33,017
Don't people just need
a college degree if you want lo pursue...
235
00:12:33,018 --> 00:12:35,787
the societally
approved definition of success?
236
00:12:35,788 --> 00:12:38,623
Yeah, wouldn't you be better
off sitting in your room reading books...
237
00:12:38,624 --> 00:12:40,158
instead of spending all that money?
238
00:12:40,159 --> 00:12:41,793
I'm sorry, _
are you a senior?
239
00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:43,261
No, I'm in sixth grade.
240
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:45,997
Yeah, Portia,
this is my son, Nelson.
241
00:12:45,998 --> 00:12:48,032
I'm adopted.
I was born in Uganda.
242
00:12:48,033 --> 00:12:50,809
- Love you, buddy.
- OK, dad.
243
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:54,939
I thought it would be educational
for him to sit in on this.
244
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,975
How's it going so far?
Are you learning a lot?
245
00:12:56,976 --> 00:12:59,244
Kind of.
Half and half.
246
00:12:59,245 --> 00:13:01,913
- Well there you go.
- OK. Right.
247
00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:05,016
Well, Nelson, sure...
248
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:08,486
sitting in a room and reading books
would be very cost effective, but-
249
00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:10,388
Princeton is a corporation.
250
00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:12,624
No different
than an oil company.
251
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:15,260
We should be educating ourselves
to be citizens of the world...
252
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:17,362
and not of some guarded
suburban enclave.
253
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:21,869
What we want is to leave the planet
better than we found it.
254
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,445
OK. Well.
Good luck with that.
255
00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:30,017
Wail, wait.
256
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:33,778
I want to hear about Princeton, please.
257
00:13:33,779 --> 00:13:37,048
OK, fine.
But first, I have a question for all of you.
258
00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:40,251
Just how will you leave
the planet better?
259
00:13:40,252 --> 00:13:43,254
Will you eradicate disease?
You're going to need a medical degree.
260
00:13:43,255 --> 00:13:45,990
If you want to create new drug therapies,
that's a PhD.
261
00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:50,128
Do you want to defend the innocent
and secure justice for all?
262
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:53,731
I regret to inform you
that you will have to go to law school.
263
00:13:53,732 --> 00:13:56,501
There are plenty
of college graduates out there...
264
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,671
...ardently hoping to leave the world
better than they found it.
265
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,940
We are looking
for those people!
266
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:07,323
Students with blazing minds
and hearts who will change the goddamn world!
267
00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:13,885
All right, Portia.
Well done!
268
00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:17,026
I bet you guys
feel like bunch of assholes.
269
00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:22,660
Sorry,
I probably should have warned you.
270
00:14:22,661 --> 00:14:24,429
Sorry,
I probably should have warned you.
271
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:27,131
We tend to encourage
that sort of spirited debate here.
272
00:14:27,132 --> 00:14:28,600
But you did well.
273
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,945
You can hit a curveball.
274
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:35,506
You know, I'd really like
to introduce you to somebody.
275
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:37,342
This is Jeremiah Balakian.
276
00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:39,010
He's a very special student.
277
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,079
My parents work in a mini-mart.
278
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,480
They're not very educated.
279
00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:44,883
Do you think that matters?
280
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,218
Of course not.
It's your application.
281
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,654
Maybe I should apply then.
Princeton seems like a cool place.
282
00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:51,389
It's very cool.
283
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:53,391
So you're saying
I should apply?
284
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:55,126
You know,
I'm not really your typical student.
285
00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:59,473
My brain sort of goes
on a little Walkabout, you know?
286
00:14:59,765 --> 00:15:02,100
Yes, you should apply.
287
00:15:02,101 --> 00:15:04,903
And if you would like
to visit the campus...
288
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,906
...we can match you up with an undergrad
and you can spend the night in his room.
289
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:08,973
That sounds great.
290
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:12,210
Then you could hang out
and gel to know each other.
291
00:15:12,211 --> 00:15:14,612
Well, I don't really hang out
with the applicants.
292
00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:16,247
- That's not how it works.
- Right.
293
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:17,515
Because
there's over twenty thousand of them.
294
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:18,650
Exactly.
295
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:21,632
Still,
I think you should gel to know this one.
296
00:15:23,188 --> 00:15:24,923
So, Portia,
like the Merchant of Venice?
297
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:25,490
Yes.
298
00:15:25,491 --> 00:15:27,926
My mother thought if she named me
that I would grow up to be wise.
299
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,193
I'm lucky
she didn't name me Athena.
300
00:15:29,194 --> 00:15:30,962
Or Minerva.
Or Sophie.
301
00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:32,196
Except a lot of people
are named Sophie.
302
00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:33,498
They probably don't even know
what their name means.
303
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:35,266
Or Metis.
That would be really strange.
304
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:39,871
Or if your name was Aushenaya
or lflok or Saraswati.
305
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:41,572
I think you got lucky.
306
00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:44,417
If you had to be called something
that stands for wisdom.
307
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:50,381
Well, thanks for this.
308
00:15:50,382 --> 00:15:53,556
I have to go.
I have robotics class.
309
00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:59,390
- Interesting kid.
- He's a great kid.
310
00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:01,392
He's become
like part of my family.
311
00:16:01,393 --> 00:16:02,994
I met him at a garage sale.
312
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:04,562
He was reading a law
encyclopedia.
313
00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:07,565
We went and had coffee
and talked for five hours.
314
00:16:07,566 --> 00:16:08,733
He's a prodigy.
315
00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:11,536
Well, be sure to include all of that
in your recommendation.
316
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:13,016
Bye.
317
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:20,111
So how long have you been
at Princeton?
318
00:16:20,112 --> 00:16:21,312
Since college.
Sixteen years.
319
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:23,348
Wow, that's a long time
to stay in one place.
320
00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:24,148
Are you married?
321
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:25,516
No I live with someone.
322
00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:26,784
- Chair of the English Department.
- Kids?
323
00:16:26,785 --> 00:16:27,752
Thousands.
324
00:16:27,753 --> 00:16:29,620
Can you get these cows
out of the way?
325
00:16:29,621 --> 00:16:31,155
I doubt it.
They're enormous.
326
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:32,590
That one's pregnant.
327
00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:33,891
Where do you stay
while you're here?
328
00:16:33,892 --> 00:16:37,203
My morn lives
about ten miles away.
329
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,745
Mom?
330
00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:44,209
It's me.
331
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,537
Who?
332
00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:48,373
How many people
call you morn?
333
00:16:48,374 --> 00:16:51,609
Why didn't you tell me
you were coming?
334
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:54,112
I left a message.
I was visiting a school nearby.
335
00:16:54,113 --> 00:16:55,880
K never check
my messages.
336
00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:57,548
That's a good policy.
337
00:16:57,549 --> 00:17:00,585
Thought Yd spend the night
if it's a“ right with you.
338
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:03,888
I've got to gel up very early,
and then hit a few schools and race back...
339
00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:05,089
...for Mark's
department lunch.
340
00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:07,859
How can you stand
those English Department gatherings?
341
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,127
What could be more dull?
342
00:17:09,128 --> 00:17:13,297
Sometimes you make sacrifices for the person
you've been living with for ten years.
343
00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:14,932
That's what a healthy relationship is.
344
00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:16,968
Thank god
I'm not in one of those.
345
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:17,835
Yes.
Thank god.
346
00:17:17,836 --> 00:17:22,640
If I had to do what I was supposed to be doing
every minute of my life, like you do...
347
00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:24,746
...I'd kill myself.
348
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:28,579
Did you just say if you were me
you would kill yourself?
349
00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:30,782
Portia, don't' exaggerate.
350
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:31,883
I'm working on my bike.
351
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:36,320
You know, they actually have stores
where you can buy bikes already made.
352
00:17:36,321 --> 00:17:38,956
And did you know that women
are the only exploited group in history...
353
00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:41,659
...to have been idealized
into powerlessness.
354
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:43,528
- Erica Jung.
- Erica long.
355
00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:44,896
Hey pups!
356
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,205
Hey!
357
00:17:46,665 --> 00:17:49,333
Hi Gloria! Hi Betty!
Hi!
358
00:17:49,334 --> 00:17:50,868
Whoa, you're so skinny.
359
00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:52,036
Come on,
let's gel you something to eat.
360
00:17:52,037 --> 00:17:52,970
No, no.
361
00:17:52,971 --> 00:17:55,139
They're not skinny,
they're lean.
362
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:57,075
Dogs are too dependent
on humans.
363
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,510
I'm not their slave.
They can gel their own damn food.
364
00:17:59,511 --> 00:18:02,346
- From where?
- Outside. Gophers, squirrels...
365
00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:05,483
- ..-neighbor's cat.
- An unattended baby?
366
00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:09,520
They're carnivores.
They're meant to be hunters.
367
00:18:09,521 --> 00:18:13,264
Here,
hand me that chain break.
368
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,407
Mom, you look...
369
00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:18,974
bigger.
370
00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:21,399
These?
Fake.
371
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,935
Fake?
You mean you had a boob job?
372
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,337
No, I had a mastectomy.
373
00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:27,772
These are prosthetic.
374
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:30,374
I was wondering, you know,
women who have really big breasts,
375
00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:32,243
I'd like to see what that's like...
376
00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:35,646
...and I'll tell you,
they get so in the way, it's unbelievable.
377
00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:38,082
I'm thinking
of trading them in for a mid-size.
378
00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:40,151
When?
When did you have a mastectomy?
379
00:18:40,152 --> 00:18:42,553
I don't know.
Five weeks ago or so.
380
00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:44,322
Who keeps track?
381
00:18:44,323 --> 00:18:46,424
They found a lump.
It was aggressive.
382
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:47,158
Hadn't spread yet.
383
00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:50,328
I'm aggressive too, so I said "what the hell,
why push my luck?
384
00:18:50,329 --> 00:18:51,706
Take them both."
385
00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:53,831
Why didn't you tell me?
386
00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:56,108
I am telling you.
387
00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:57,568
Now.
388
00:18:57,569 --> 00:19:01,005
Well I would have driven you
to the hospital.
389
00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:02,073
Portia...
390
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:04,308
I cabbed it.
I'm OK.
391
00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:07,245
You know,
I'm thinking you should...
392
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:10,615
.-.start calling me Susannah.
393
00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:12,950
I think
this could help us avoid...
394
00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:19,095
...all this mother-daughter role playing crap
that you can't seem to shake.
395
00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:21,325
You're welcome to stay...
396
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:24,773
but there's not much for supper
unless you want to go pick some kale.
397
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:29,675
I'm remodeling
your old room.
398
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:34,579
That's good.
I'm going to make a tea kettle.
399
00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:38,252
Come on, do it!
400
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:42,659
Oh baby.
401
00:19:50,389 --> 00:19:52,924
- Portia Nathan.
- John Pressman.
402
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:53,925
Hi.
403
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:58,529
Look, I wanted to see if you wanted to maybe
get a drink or a bite to eat or something?
404
00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:01,399
Maybe talk about the application process,
since we're new to it?
405
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:05,507
- I can swing by and pick you up.
- I guess I could eat.
406
00:20:07,105 --> 00:20:09,774
The parents all think
that their kids' acceptance...
407
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:12,443
is the final referendum
on their parenting skills...
408
00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:14,312
...which, hello,
it's not about you.
409
00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:17,748
As far as I can tell,
parents exist just to drive their kids insane.
410
00:20:17,749 --> 00:20:19,417
Of course,
what the hell do I know, really?
411
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:21,219
Why, were you raised
by wolves?
412
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,054
Wolf.
Singular.
413
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,122
- One wolf.
- One wolf.
414
00:20:25,123 --> 00:20:27,391
And you never wanted kids?
415
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:29,627
I love that question.
416
00:20:29,628 --> 00:20:34,628
It seemed unfair to subject anyone
to the miserable experience I had.
417
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,000
Why would you?
418
00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:38,603
There's no way in hell I would raise
Nelson the way I was raised.
419
00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:39,503
Why not?
420
00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:41,772
Because I was raised by sheep.
421
00:20:41,773 --> 00:20:44,475
So... Uganda.
422
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:48,646
I was working there
and Nelson's morn was a friend.
423
00:20:48,647 --> 00:20:51,015
And she died in a car crash.
424
00:20:51,016 --> 00:20:53,751
Along with his uncle.
Nelson was two.
425
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:55,920
So you adopted him.
426
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,089
Seemed like the only thing to do.
427
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:01,859
All my friends
thought for sure that I'd bail.
428
00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:04,528
That I was not ready
to be a father, but...
429
00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:06,998
- ...screw that.
- Right. Screw that.
430
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:09,800
Nelson loves traveling.
He loves it.
431
00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:11,836
We've lived in Indonesia.
432
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:15,539
We built a water
purification system in Myanmar.
433
00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:17,975
I'm sorry,
so you're just this single dad...
434
00:21:17,976 --> 00:21:21,045
...traveling the world with his kid,
doing good?
435
00:21:21,046 --> 00:21:24,081
Well, when you put it like that
it just sounds so appealing.
436
00:21:24,082 --> 00:21:26,584
But I have that on a t-shirt,
actually.
437
00:21:26,585 --> 00:21:29,320
'Single dad,
traveling the world with his kid, doing good"
438
00:21:29,321 --> 00:21:30,755
You can borrow it
some day if you like.
439
00:21:30,756 --> 00:21:33,457
I'm not sure
people would believe it on me.
440
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:37,161
Anyway,
it's the best thing I ever did...
441
00:21:37,162 --> 00:21:38,863
...adopting a kid.
442
00:21:38,864 --> 00:21:40,537
It's getting late.
443
00:21:44,403 --> 00:21:45,736
Excuse me?
444
00:21:45,737 --> 00:21:49,840
Oh no, I can't do that, actually.
I can't accept gifts.
445
00:21:49,841 --> 00:21:51,442
Excuse me?
446
00:21:51,443 --> 00:21:54,219
Princeton wants to buy me
a chicken sandwich.
447
00:22:03,855 --> 00:22:06,096
Thank you so much.
448
00:22:08,293 --> 00:22:12,029
Portia,
there's something I want to ask you...
449
00:22:12,030 --> 00:22:14,565
...and I know
this is all a bit abrupt.
450
00:22:14,566 --> 00:22:15,636
Yes?
451
00:22:17,869 --> 00:22:21,872
Do you think you have room
for one more in your life?
452
00:22:21,873 --> 00:22:23,541
One more what?
453
00:22:23,542 --> 00:22:26,785
One more person.
454
00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:31,048
Oh John,
that's so sweet.
455
00:22:31,049 --> 00:22:33,250
But you seem
like a great guy too.
456
00:22:33,251 --> 00:22:34,552
And you can handle an axe...
457
00:22:34,553 --> 00:22:38,389
...and you know,
you have a very nice nose and your...
458
00:22:38,390 --> 00:22:40,057
...face,
but I have a long-term boyfriend.
459
00:22:40,058 --> 00:22:42,193
Long, long,
long-term.
460
00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:44,228
And you know, we are happy.
We're very happy.
461
00:22:44,229 --> 00:22:45,730
We're so...
462
00:22:45,731 --> 00:22:46,709
haPPY-
463
00:22:47,099 --> 00:22:50,167
Wow, happy is one of those words
that if you say it...
464
00:22:50,168 --> 00:22:53,304
...a lot, it loses its meaning.
Like "fork."
465
00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:55,940
Fork. Fork.
Fork. Fork.
466
00:22:55,941 --> 00:22:57,341
Happv- Happy-
Happy- Hapw
467
00:22:57,342 --> 00:22:58,209
Happy. Fork.
468
00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:00,311
It's not...Portia, what I mean-
469
00:23:00,312 --> 00:23:04,658
No, goodbye. Thank you.
This was so much better than kale.
470
00:23:05,751 --> 00:23:08,085
OK.
I'm sorry.
471
00:23:08,086 --> 00:23:09,820
I was going for the cheek.
472
00:23:09,821 --> 00:23:11,689
Yeah!
That's OK.
473
00:23:11,690 --> 00:23:13,624
OK, well,
nice catching up...
474
00:23:13,625 --> 00:23:15,926
...and best of luck
with the application process.
475
00:23:15,927 --> 00:23:17,328
Here is my card.
476
00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:18,796
I have your card.
477
00:23:18,797 --> 00:23:20,398
- I gave you my card?
- Yeah.
478
00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:22,777
That's great.
Then you have my card-
479
00:23:30,108 --> 00:23:31,842
Oh my god.
480
00:23:31,843 --> 00:23:34,478
Sorry, it was there, you know?
You just...
481
00:23:34,479 --> 00:23:35,646
What are you going to do?
482
00:23:35,647 --> 00:23:37,181
- Look, the reason that I'm -
- You look!
483
00:23:37,182 --> 00:23:41,051
I am an admissions officer
and you run a school and I live with someone.“...
484
00:23:41,052 --> 00:23:43,320
...and I've had a really long day...
485
00:23:43,321 --> 00:23:45,389
and I'm exhausted
and this never happened, do you understand?
486
00:23:45,390 --> 00:23:46,926
Portia, no.
487
00:23:47,492 --> 00:23:50,060
Portia, look,
I asked you here for a reason.
488
00:23:50,061 --> 00:23:51,162
And it wasn't to kiss you.
489
00:23:51,163 --> 00:23:53,097
Please communicate
with my associate Ben in the future.
490
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:54,732
Portia, wait!
Wait, it's just...
491
00:23:54,733 --> 00:23:55,939
I think.-.
492
00:23:56,635 --> 00:23:59,970
I think
maybe Jeremiah's your son.
493
00:23:59,971 --> 00:24:01,172
What?
494
00:24:01,173 --> 00:24:02,673
Jeremiah.
495
00:24:02,674 --> 00:24:05,655
I think maybe he's your son.
496
00:24:05,811 --> 00:24:08,179
Are you
out of your fucking mind?
497
00:24:08,180 --> 00:24:09,580
All right.
Let me rewind.
498
00:24:09,581 --> 00:24:11,582
At Dartmouth,
I was friends with Shelley-
499
00:24:11,583 --> 00:24:14,051
I don't know what you're talking about
and you need to leave.
500
00:24:14,052 --> 00:24:15,853
- Now.
- Portia, wait-
501
00:24:15,854 --> 00:24:17,755
- Jesus!
- She said leave her alone!
502
00:24:17,756 --> 00:24:19,757
What the hell! Morn,
put the gun down!
503
00:24:19,758 --> 00:24:21,759
No means no, asshole.
504
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:25,329
I have got this under control.
Go inside!
505
00:24:25,330 --> 00:24:28,065
You don't have shit under control.
You never have.
506
00:24:28,066 --> 00:24:30,801
Screw you, mom.
I do so have my life under control!
507
00:24:30,802 --> 00:24:33,204
You could have been somebody,
goddamn it!
508
00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:34,672
You could have been
a trailblazer!
509
00:24:34,673 --> 00:24:35,673
Right, like you?
510
00:24:35,674 --> 00:24:37,741
Holed up here
like some crazy old witch?
511
00:24:37,742 --> 00:24:40,945
You know what?
I'm just going to get into my car, very slowly...
512
00:24:40,946 --> 00:24:43,358
...and let you two chat.
513
00:24:44,449 --> 00:24:46,250
- Portia, I'll call you.
- Please don't-.
514
00:24:46,251 --> 00:24:49,323
Well you're not very good
at returning e-mails.
515
00:24:51,957 --> 00:24:53,557
- You all right?
- Fine.
516
00:24:53,558 --> 00:24:56,026
Watch where you're waving
that thing.
517
00:24:56,027 --> 00:24:58,530
Your breasts are sliding off.
518
00:25:01,099 --> 00:25:02,566
Hi everyone.
519
00:25:02,567 --> 00:25:05,970
Just back from a boring recruitment trip.
Uneventful.
520
00:25:05,971 --> 00:25:07,104
There she is.
521
00:25:07,105 --> 00:25:11,775
So, have you found the finest young minds
in the nation for us?
522
00:25:11,776 --> 00:25:12,776
I'm trying!
523
00:25:12,777 --> 00:25:17,157
Course she has,
she's our golden retriever.
524
00:25:19,184 --> 00:25:21,619
I love this.
I love this bean salad.
525
00:25:21,620 --> 00:25:24,321
It's just so beans
and vinaigrette.
526
00:25:24,322 --> 00:25:27,895
- So simple, but it just works.
- Yeah, beans.
527
00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:31,362
Oh, hello Helen.
So glad you could make it after all-.
528
00:25:31,363 --> 00:25:35,099
And I can guarantee personally
that next year all your Virginia Woolf seminars...
529
00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:37,268
will be filled with superhumans.
530
00:25:37,269 --> 00:25:40,738
I'll never really understand
your admissions system in America.
531
00:25:40,739 --> 00:25:42,339
Because we just do tests.
532
00:25:42,340 --> 00:25:45,276
You know, we don't really care
about your childhood...
533
00:25:45,277 --> 00:25:47,678
...or your recent conversion
to Buddhism.
534
00:25:47,679 --> 00:25:50,047
Gray matter,
that's what counts.
535
00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:53,250
Helen, would you mind putting
the bread on the table?
536
00:25:53,251 --> 00:25:55,891
Thank you so much.
537
00:25:57,589 --> 00:26:00,524
I just...
I want you to know that this...
538
00:26:00,525 --> 00:26:04,200
...us, this life,
it's everything I've always wanted.
539
00:26:04,496 --> 00:26:06,263
Helen, back so soon.
540
00:26:06,264 --> 00:26:08,744
Could you put the salad on?
541
00:26:13,038 --> 00:26:15,780
What's she got against bean salad?
542
00:26:17,142 --> 00:26:18,876
Portia, we need to talk.
543
00:26:18,877 --> 00:26:21,145
I can't do this anymore.
I'm sorry.
544
00:26:21,146 --> 00:26:22,646
Oh god,
I hate these lunches too.
545
00:26:22,647 --> 00:26:25,093
No, this.
Us.
546
00:26:25,884 --> 00:26:29,086
Is that Helen?
That's weird.
547
00:26:29,087 --> 00:26:30,020
Portia, I'm having twins.
548
00:26:30,021 --> 00:26:32,022
- What are you talking about?
- Twins.
549
00:26:32,023 --> 00:26:35,292
Twins, I'm having twins.
550
00:26:35,293 --> 00:26:36,427
You're talking like a crazy person.
551
00:26:36,428 --> 00:26:41,104
Helen is having twins. My twins.
I'm leaving you.
552
00:26:41,666 --> 00:26:45,035
I'm sorry,
you had sex with that woman?
553
00:26:45,036 --> 00:26:45,736
A bit.
554
00:26:45,737 --> 00:26:50,107
You had unprotected sex
with that vile Virginia Woolf scholar?
555
00:26:50,108 --> 00:26:52,242
There's no need to make a scene.
I'm sorry.
556
00:26:52,243 --> 00:26:54,111
You don't deserve this, you don't.
557
00:26:54,112 --> 00:26:56,347
You're loyal
and a good companion...
558
00:26:56,348 --> 00:26:58,515
- Slop it with the dog stuff!
- What?
559
00:26:58,516 --> 00:26:59,984
I have to go.
Now.
560
00:26:59,985 --> 00:27:03,454
No, you have to slay.
We have guests.
561
00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:06,190
And, we are a family..-unit.
562
00:27:06,191 --> 00:27:07,925
You didn't want a family.
563
00:27:07,926 --> 00:27:11,795
- Neither did you!
- No, that's true. I really don't.
564
00:27:11,796 --> 00:27:15,165
I can't stand babies.
They're repulsive.
565
00:27:15,166 --> 00:27:17,868
Oh god,
she's backing out now.
566
00:27:17,869 --> 00:27:18,669
That's the chicken.
567
00:27:18,670 --> 00:27:21,810
Would you mind, terribly,
taking it out? Goodbye.
568
00:27:23,208 --> 00:27:27,054
I kissed someone!
Almost on purpose!
569
00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:33,917
Mark had an emergency.
A student was...
570
00:27:33,918 --> 00:27:37,021
...having a breakdown
about Robert Frost.
571
00:27:37,022 --> 00:27:40,891
Two roads diverging in a wood
and which to lake.
572
00:27:40,892 --> 00:27:43,460
So, who likes breasts?
573
00:27:43,461 --> 00:27:45,996
Mark loves breasts.
The more the merrier.
574
00:27:45,997 --> 00:27:49,500
In fact, why don't I just put
this aside for him for when he gets home?
575
00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:53,142
So who likes legs?
Well, Mark likes legs.
576
00:27:53,705 --> 00:27:56,948
Who likes assholes?
I guess that's me.
577
00:27:58,576 --> 00:28:03,576
Virginia Woolf was a twat.
Extremely overrated.
578
00:28:03,715 --> 00:28:06,093
No Gertrude Stein.
579
00:28:06,518 --> 00:28:08,691
I'll have a breast, please.
580
00:28:15,060 --> 00:28:16,630
Oh god.
581
00:28:16,828 --> 00:28:20,537
God dammit.
Dammit!
582
00:28:28,106 --> 00:28:29,813
Excuse me.
583
00:28:30,308 --> 00:28:33,243
This is your mother?
584
00:28:33,244 --> 00:28:34,746
Yes.
585
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:39,016
I saw her lecture
on Frida Kahlo in 1977.
586
00:28:39,017 --> 00:28:42,219
She was extremely hot.
587
00:28:42,220 --> 00:28:44,221
OK.
588
00:28:44,222 --> 00:28:45,889
Is she well?
Your mother?
589
00:28:45,890 --> 00:28:47,124
Yeah, she's fine.
590
00:28:47,125 --> 00:28:52,125
Good. Well, thank you for the party.
It was very pleasant.
591
00:28:52,330 --> 00:28:54,832
Everyone is now leaving, OK.
592
00:28:54,833 --> 00:28:59,077
- I shall close this door behind?
- Yes. I'll be right out.
593
00:29:25,396 --> 00:29:27,376
Get to work.
594
00:29:37,642 --> 00:29:42,682
I will always be there for you.
Nothing will ever change that.
595
00:30:10,975 --> 00:30:13,353
Top of the morning, Clarence.
596
00:30:13,978 --> 00:30:15,548
Morning.
597
00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:21,389
If you want to take
a couple personal days...
598
00:30:22,086 --> 00:30:24,191
Why would I?
599
00:30:25,290 --> 00:30:27,825
Everyone knows?
600
00:30:27,826 --> 00:30:30,864
- About Mark, I mean.
- Yes.
601
00:30:31,162 --> 00:30:34,631
And that Woolf woman.
602
00:30:34,632 --> 00:30:37,868
I'm very sorry
about the timing of this...
603
00:30:37,869 --> 00:30:42,239
...bul I want you to know
that I am here for you one thousand percent.
604
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:45,442
This is my life.
It's what I'm good at.
605
00:30:45,443 --> 00:30:46,743
I know.
606
00:30:46,744 --> 00:30:50,113
And please, rest assured,
that nothing...
607
00:30:50,114 --> 00:30:52,416
...will affect my work.
Nothing.
608
00:30:52,417 --> 00:30:56,365
Well that's great.
You just carry on.
609
00:31:05,830 --> 00:31:09,141
And that
was the famous Blair Arch.
610
00:31:10,668 --> 00:31:13,604
Here comes one of our illustrious
Admissions officers.
611
00:31:13,605 --> 00:31:15,739
Clearly a very busy time
for you all.
612
00:31:15,740 --> 00:31:19,710
Any words of wisdom
for hopefully future Princelonians?
613
00:31:19,711 --> 00:31:22,282
- What?
- Words of wisdom?
614
00:31:23,248 --> 00:31:26,817
Just...
gel those applications in and...
615
00:31:26,818 --> 00:31:29,219
...remember to be yourself,
because...
616
00:31:29,220 --> 00:31:32,133
...who else could you be?
That's...
617
00:31:32,290 --> 00:31:34,531
.-.that's who you're stuck with.
618
00:31:35,526 --> 00:31:40,063
OK. You got the idea.
Let's keep moving!
619
00:31:40,064 --> 00:31:42,633
Any budding astrophysicists
in the crowd?
620
00:31:42,634 --> 00:31:44,434
Because I've got a treat
for you next!
621
00:31:44,435 --> 00:31:47,437
Jeremiah, from Quest.
Hi.
622
00:31:47,438 --> 00:31:49,706
- You remember me?
- Yes. I remember you.
623
00:31:49,707 --> 00:31:51,241
I'm Nelson.
624
00:31:51,242 --> 00:31:52,175
I remember you loo.
625
00:31:52,176 --> 00:31:53,243
I'm John.
626
00:31:53,244 --> 00:31:56,046
Turns out we had a chance to come down
here today, visit the campus.
627
00:31:56,047 --> 00:31:57,047
What a surprise.
628
00:31:57,048 --> 00:31:59,716
It's awesome.
It's like, ancient.
629
00:31:59,717 --> 00:32:02,586
I'm sorry, but what do you think
that you're doing here?
630
00:32:02,587 --> 00:32:05,122
Jeremiah wanted to see the place.
And you and I should talk.
631
00:32:05,123 --> 00:32:06,590
You are out of your mind.
632
00:32:06,591 --> 00:32:07,791
I almost forgot to ask...
633
00:32:07,792 --> 00:32:11,795
Remember when you said
I could spend the night with an undergrad?
634
00:32:11,796 --> 00:32:14,865
Is that still possible?
635
00:32:14,866 --> 00:32:17,134
OK. Yes.
That's possible.
636
00:32:17,135 --> 00:32:20,708
Just catch up with the tour
and meet me back at Admissions.
637
00:32:38,122 --> 00:32:40,524
What are you doing?
You're not allowed in here!
638
00:32:40,525 --> 00:32:41,692
What happened the other night.
639
00:32:41,693 --> 00:32:43,093
Nothing happened the other night.
640
00:32:43,094 --> 00:32:44,494
Right.
It was nothing.
641
00:32:44,495 --> 00:32:48,068
So don't let it get in the way of this.
642
00:32:49,033 --> 00:32:51,702
This is Jeremiah's
birth certificate.
643
00:32:51,703 --> 00:32:54,104
I knew Shelley.
Your roommate at Dartmouth.
644
00:32:54,105 --> 00:32:55,038
I had a car.
645
00:32:55,039 --> 00:32:57,074
She borrowed it to pick you up
after you had the baby.
646
00:32:57,075 --> 00:32:58,642
Valentine's Day.
647
00:32:58,643 --> 00:33:01,578
Shelley told me you had the baby
at 1pm on Valentine's Day.
648
00:33:01,579 --> 00:33:05,315
That stuck with me.
I hate Valentine's Day-.
649
00:33:05,316 --> 00:33:07,851
- It's a despicable holiday.
- It sucks.
650
00:33:07,852 --> 00:33:09,619
Here's the crazy part.
651
00:33:09,620 --> 00:33:12,155
When Jeremiah applied to Quest,
I saw this and put it together.
652
00:33:12,156 --> 00:33:15,192
It says that he was born
and given up for adoption on Valentine's Day...
653
00:33:15,193 --> 00:33:18,795
1995, 1pm at Blaine Hospital.
654
00:33:18,796 --> 00:33:20,797
I know you didn't ask for this.
655
00:33:20,798 --> 00:33:23,200
And I'm not trying to ruin your life.
656
00:33:23,201 --> 00:33:24,668
But I care about this kid...
657
00:33:24,669 --> 00:33:28,405
and I think he could use a
little more connection in his life.
658
00:33:28,406 --> 00:33:31,074
But I didn't tell him anything.
It's your decision-.
659
00:33:31,075 --> 00:33:32,884
I'm
just setting it up.
660
00:33:34,545 --> 00:33:39,216
He has his parents.
He has you, right? Nelson?
661
00:33:39,217 --> 00:33:41,752
Yeah, his parents are great people.
But we're moving on...
662
00:33:41,753 --> 00:33:43,220
.-.Nelson and me.
663
00:33:43,221 --> 00:33:44,955
Hey, maybe it was meant to be.
664
00:33:44,956 --> 00:33:46,156
Nothing is meant to be.
665
00:33:46,157 --> 00:33:48,792
And you don't just barrel into
other people's lives like this.
666
00:33:48,793 --> 00:33:50,193
This is bad form.
667
00:33:50,194 --> 00:33:52,829
- This is bad form.
- Bad form.
668
00:33:52,830 --> 00:33:54,031
I am not a project.
669
00:33:54,032 --> 00:33:57,343
I am not some village in need
of a water system.
670
00:33:57,769 --> 00:34:01,080
- Hi.
- Hi.
671
00:34:01,506 --> 00:34:04,419
John Pressman.
Quest School.
672
00:34:04,575 --> 00:34:08,445
Clarence Hall, Dean of Admissions.
Princeton.
673
00:34:08,446 --> 00:34:10,847
- It's quite an operation you have here.
- Thank you.
674
00:34:10,848 --> 00:34:13,761
OK.
Well, Mr. Pressman was just leaving.
675
00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:16,555
Right. Of course.
676
00:34:17,388 --> 00:34:18,588
It was nice to meet you.
677
00:34:18,589 --> 00:34:21,391
Hey, I heard about you guys
dropping to number two.
678
00:34:21,392 --> 00:34:22,059
Sorry.
679
00:34:22,060 --> 00:34:25,062
But number two is,
you know, that's good..-too-.
680
00:34:25,063 --> 00:34:27,264
Here's the information
you wanted for your student...
681
00:34:27,265 --> 00:34:29,099
the undergrad
he'll be spending the night with.
682
00:34:29,100 --> 00:34:29,800
Thank you.
683
00:34:29,801 --> 00:34:33,010
And here is the information
you'll need on that student.
684
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:37,007
Ben, do you mind escorting
Mr. Pressman out?
685
00:34:37,008 --> 00:34:38,341
And Mr. Pressman,
in the future...
686
00:34:38,342 --> 00:34:41,011
e-mail is the appropriate form
of communication.
687
00:34:41,012 --> 00:34:44,881
Right. Sorry.
Yeah. E-mail.
688
00:34:44,882 --> 00:34:49,262
Will do.
All right, see you.
689
00:34:50,888 --> 00:34:53,957
You know,
it's highly unusual...
690
00:34:53,958 --> 00:34:58,495
...it's actually unheard of,
for a school director lo be back here.
691
00:34:58,496 --> 00:34:59,296
I know.
692
00:34:59,297 --> 00:35:03,366
I think we should hire a security guard
to keep the crazies out because...
693
00:35:03,367 --> 00:35:05,540
...it is getting out of control.
694
00:35:26,924 --> 00:35:28,258
New Hampshire Certificate
of Live Birth
695
00:35:28,259 --> 00:35:29,159
CHILD'S NAME:
DOE, JOHN
696
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:30,230
MOTHER'S CURRENT LEGAL NAME
DOE, JANE
697
00:35:44,542 --> 00:35:45,876
Yo, whassup?
698
00:35:45,877 --> 00:35:49,450
- I beg your pardon?
- I'm looking for my roomie.
699
00:35:51,549 --> 00:35:54,996
- Can I help you?
- You're doing a great job.
700
00:35:55,753 --> 00:35:59,623
So a zombie will move and talk
as if it were awake and genuinely aware...
701
00:35:59,624 --> 00:36:02,292
...of its surroundings,
but its inner light is off.
702
00:36:02,293 --> 00:36:02,826
Right.
703
00:36:02,827 --> 00:36:06,263
And if it is logically possible for a creature
to have a brain just like yours...
704
00:36:06,264 --> 00:36:07,631
...and no conscious experience,
705
00:36:07,632 --> 00:36:11,268
then consciousness
is not literally identical to brain activity.
706
00:36:11,269 --> 00:36:12,145
Exactly!
707
00:36:12,436 --> 00:36:13,608
Exactly!
708
00:36:14,172 --> 00:36:17,374
Hi.
You are not a student.
709
00:36:17,375 --> 00:36:21,111
- What, you're trying to crash or something here?
- Yo, whassup?
710
00:36:21,112 --> 00:36:23,092
L...Hi!
711
00:36:25,383 --> 00:36:28,718
Hi everyone, I'm from Admissions
and we like to come in and..-...
712
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:31,388
...check on our overnight
high school visitors.
713
00:36:31,389 --> 00:36:33,924
So Jeremiah,
are you warm enough?
714
00:36:33,925 --> 00:36:35,659
Do you have everything
that you need?
715
00:36:35,660 --> 00:36:38,595
Do you need
a Princeton sweatshirt...
716
00:36:38,596 --> 00:36:41,631
or did you remember
to bring your toothbrush?
717
00:36:41,632 --> 00:36:42,999
I'm fine. Thanks.
718
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:44,734
Good.
What is that?
719
00:36:44,735 --> 00:36:47,404
- This is diet soda?
- Diet soda? Why diet?
720
00:36:47,405 --> 00:36:51,274
- I just like the taste better.
- So do I. That is...unbelievable.
721
00:36:51,275 --> 00:36:52,042
I guess.
722
00:36:52,043 --> 00:36:54,878
Just diet soda?
No...
723
00:36:54,879 --> 00:36:56,213
Yeah. It's just...
724
00:36:56,214 --> 00:36:57,948
Great. Good. Well...
725
00:36:57,949 --> 00:37:00,987
...gel back to your zombie talk.
726
00:37:01,686 --> 00:37:04,189
OK.
Thank you.
727
00:37:06,624 --> 00:37:09,264
Dude, what a cougar.
728
00:37:15,700 --> 00:37:16,872
Shit.
729
00:37:20,905 --> 00:37:21,972
Hi.
730
00:37:21,973 --> 00:37:24,774
You don't happen to actually have
an extra toothbrush on you, do you?
731
00:37:24,775 --> 00:37:27,711
On me? No. No. Why?
You do need a toothbrush?
732
00:37:27,712 --> 00:37:29,157
- Yeah.
- OK.
733
00:37:29,580 --> 00:37:30,880
Soft bristles, right?
734
00:37:30,881 --> 00:37:33,750
That's what kids
- teenagers - your age...
735
00:37:33,751 --> 00:37:35,788
...are supposed to use, right?
736
00:37:36,354 --> 00:37:38,455
I think soft might be
more for baby teeth.
737
00:37:38,456 --> 00:37:39,723
I prefer to
use just a medium.
738
00:37:39,724 --> 00:37:41,591
Yup, don't listen to me.
739
00:37:41,592 --> 00:37:43,994
You'd end up
with a mouthful of cavities.
740
00:37:43,995 --> 00:37:46,796
Hey, how about this rechargeable
toothbrush?
741
00:37:46,797 --> 00:37:48,164
That looks pretty cool.
742
00:37:48,165 --> 00:37:49,266
Yeah, I don't think I need that...
743
00:37:49,267 --> 00:37:53,215
as much as I do appreciate
Thomas the Tank Engine.
744
00:37:55,740 --> 00:37:57,073
I'm an idiot.
745
00:37:57,074 --> 00:37:59,520
You just pick what you need.
746
00:38:00,411 --> 00:38:01,981
Just...
747
00:38:02,546 --> 00:38:04,389
Ok then.
748
00:38:05,483 --> 00:38:06,549
OK...
749
00:38:06,550 --> 00:38:09,463
- Well I guess this is it.
- Yeah.
750
00:38:12,556 --> 00:38:15,594
- Thanks.
- Don't mention it.
751
00:38:23,701 --> 00:38:25,271
Portia?
752
00:38:25,770 --> 00:38:28,683
Are you all right?
753
00:38:30,841 --> 00:38:33,109
I'm fine.
I'm great.
754
00:38:33,110 --> 00:38:34,444
What are you doing here?
755
00:38:34,445 --> 00:38:37,781
Well, we're just up the street.
756
00:38:37,782 --> 00:38:39,728
She said she's fine.
757
00:38:39,884 --> 00:38:41,351
Have you been drinking, Portia?
758
00:38:41,352 --> 00:38:44,120
A little bit.
You know me, I'm a lightweight.
759
00:38:44,121 --> 00:38:45,896
Where are your glasses?
760
00:38:46,357 --> 00:38:49,959
I thought I'd give contacts a try.
761
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:53,806
Well, all right.
Good to see you.
762
00:38:58,035 --> 00:38:59,742
Oh no.
763
00:39:00,571 --> 00:39:02,949
That's harsh.
764
00:39:03,240 --> 00:39:05,743
Yes.
Yes it is.
765
00:39:09,747 --> 00:39:12,415
- Portia Nathan here.
- Susannah here.
766
00:39:12,416 --> 00:39:15,018
Your mother. Mom.
767
00:39:15,019 --> 00:39:15,952
Mark called.
768
00:39:15,953 --> 00:39:16,886
I know he never liked me...
769
00:39:16,887 --> 00:39:19,022
but he thought you might be in need
of some comfort and guidance.
770
00:39:19,023 --> 00:39:22,225
So, I think this is all a very good thing.
771
00:39:22,226 --> 00:39:25,428
Getting left is a good thing?
Really? I have to go.
772
00:39:25,429 --> 00:39:27,430
Good, you're angry.
You need to express that.
773
00:39:27,431 --> 00:39:29,165
Talk to me.
I'm here for you.
774
00:39:29,166 --> 00:39:30,406
Sweetie.
775
00:39:31,702 --> 00:39:34,904
Well, I actually feel really sad and-
776
00:39:34,905 --> 00:39:38,708
And that is exactly why I knew that night
on the train thirty seven years ago...
777
00:39:38,709 --> 00:39:40,910
...-the man reading
"I'm OK, You're OK".-.
778
00:39:40,911 --> 00:39:42,278
No, please,
not the train story.
779
00:39:42,279 --> 00:39:45,849
I knew I needed his sperm
but I did not need him.
780
00:39:45,850 --> 00:39:48,660
Hey!
Watch yourself, asshole!
781
00:39:49,620 --> 00:39:51,521
Mom. Susannah...
782
00:39:51,522 --> 00:39:54,557
I wanted a child
but not some moody relationship.
783
00:39:54,558 --> 00:39:58,595
Sex with a stranger on the New Jersey Transit
was the answer to my problems.
784
00:39:58,596 --> 00:40:01,164
It's not healthy
to need other people too much.
785
00:40:01,165 --> 00:40:03,867
Now you need to go out
and fall in love with yourself.
786
00:40:03,868 --> 00:40:06,603
- Well I'm going to go do that.
- You go, girl.
787
00:40:06,604 --> 00:40:08,948
Yup.
Going to go buy a train ticket right now.
788
00:40:14,678 --> 00:40:16,521
Please Do Not Disturb
789
00:40:17,281 --> 00:40:19,349
John, it's Portia again.
This is my eighth...
790
00:40:19,350 --> 00:40:21,684
no ninth message.
Please call me back.
791
00:40:21,685 --> 00:40:26,685
It is very important
that you not tell Jeremiah a thing about...
792
00:40:27,258 --> 00:40:28,324
...the thing.
793
00:40:28,325 --> 00:40:31,928
The thing that we were talking about.
Not a word.
794
00:40:31,929 --> 00:40:33,738
Call me back.
795
00:40:39,470 --> 00:40:44,274
Maybe I got a glass eye, but it some from working
in a factory at the age of eleven.
796
00:40:44,275 --> 00:40:46,609
They hooked it out
because they didn't have a shield on the works...
797
00:40:46,610 --> 00:40:49,312
...bul I wear it like a medal
because it tells the world where I belong,
798
00:40:49,313 --> 00:40:51,347
deep down in the working class.
799
00:40:51,348 --> 00:40:52,449
Yeah!
800
00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:54,050
Hey Princeton,
what are you doing?
801
00:40:54,051 --> 00:40:58,855
Just observing the school
so I can better evaluate applicants.
802
00:40:58,856 --> 00:41:00,457
Cool.
I'm cutting class.
803
00:41:00,458 --> 00:41:02,325
Cutting class
is never a good idea.
804
00:41:02,326 --> 00:41:05,528
I hate geography class.
I hate maps.
805
00:41:05,529 --> 00:41:06,863
You hate maps?
Why?
806
00:41:06,864 --> 00:41:09,532
Because you never know
where you'll end up on them.
807
00:41:09,533 --> 00:41:10,700
Not with my dad.
808
00:41:10,701 --> 00:41:14,838
Well, I'm sure your dad has excellent reasons
for living a rootless and impulsive life.
809
00:41:14,839 --> 00:41:15,638
I thought you loved traveling.
810
00:41:15,639 --> 00:41:18,575
I'm sick of traveling.
I love playing Bridge.
811
00:41:18,576 --> 00:41:20,610
Besides, do they even play
Bridge in Ecuador?
812
00:41:20,611 --> 00:41:21,578
No idea.
813
00:41:21,579 --> 00:41:23,546
- How long have you been at Princeton?
- Sixteen years, but-
814
00:41:23,547 --> 00:41:24,948
Wow.
You totally rock.
815
00:41:24,949 --> 00:41:28,251
- Yeah, thanks. Why is that?
- Because you're totally predictable.
816
00:41:28,252 --> 00:41:31,256
So, can you tell me
where I can find your dad?
817
00:41:32,456 --> 00:41:35,525
I've been trying to reach you.
I left you a million messages.
818
00:41:35,526 --> 00:41:36,860
Yeah, well sorry,
I'm a little busy.
819
00:41:36,861 --> 00:41:38,061
What are you doing
to that cow?
820
00:41:38,062 --> 00:41:40,129
The cow's in labor.
I'd shake your hand, but...
821
00:41:40,130 --> 00:41:42,765
- Look, I never told a soul-
- Stay back!
822
00:41:42,766 --> 00:41:44,033
This cow doesn't know you.
823
00:41:44,034 --> 00:41:46,870
Actually, I think we met
the last time I was here.
824
00:41:46,871 --> 00:41:50,707
Do you even know whether Jeremiah
wants to meet his birth mother'?
825
00:41:50,708 --> 00:41:52,509
He wrote an essay
last year entitled...
826
00:41:52,510 --> 00:41:55,211
"Nature versus Nurture:
I wonder who my birth parents are"
827
00:41:55,212 --> 00:41:57,614
Portia the Wise!
Nelson told me you were here.
828
00:41:57,615 --> 00:42:01,451
I just wanted to thank you so much!
I had the best night of my life.
829
00:42:01,452 --> 00:42:03,820
There is nothing I want more in life
than to go to Princeton.
830
00:42:03,821 --> 00:42:05,562
Nothing.
831
00:42:07,591 --> 00:42:08,791
Is something wrong
with that cow?
832
00:42:08,792 --> 00:42:10,560
Where's the goddamn vet!
833
00:42:10,561 --> 00:42:13,363
Well, I'm going to find
my own way out.
834
00:42:13,364 --> 00:42:15,098
Shit!
This isn't right.
835
00:42:15,099 --> 00:42:16,399
This isn't how it looks
on the internet!
836
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:18,401
- OK, bye now. Best of luck with all that.
- Come back!
837
00:42:18,402 --> 00:42:19,736
Grab her head.
Calm her down.
838
00:42:19,737 --> 00:42:21,337
No, you said stay back.
839
00:42:21,338 --> 00:42:22,908
I changed my mind!
840
00:42:26,810 --> 00:42:31,054
- She looks so mad.
- Well she's probably protecting her young.
841
00:42:31,649 --> 00:42:33,993
Hey there, little mama.
842
00:42:34,418 --> 00:42:36,953
It's all going to be OK. Just...
843
00:42:36,954 --> 00:42:39,222
...just focus on your breath.
844
00:42:39,223 --> 00:42:41,224
Your terrible, terrible breath.
845
00:42:41,225 --> 00:42:44,694
Think how lucky you are
not to be on a beef ranch right now.
846
00:42:44,695 --> 00:42:47,730
I'm sorry,
that was inappropriate.
847
00:42:47,731 --> 00:42:50,567
Where is the bull
that did this to you?
848
00:42:50,568 --> 00:42:52,569
He's probably out partying
with his friends.
849
00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:54,571
She's clamping again!
Jeremiah, get back here!
850
00:42:54,572 --> 00:42:56,439
Please! Fast!
851
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:59,509
You are not alone.
You are not alone, OK mama?
852
00:42:59,510 --> 00:43:02,312
We're here with you.
You can do this.
853
00:43:02,313 --> 00:43:06,049
Because it happens either way.
It happens either way.
854
00:43:06,050 --> 00:43:08,451
All right, it's coming!
Portia, gel back here, now!
855
00:43:08,452 --> 00:43:09,919
Horrible.
856
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:13,766
Grab a hoof, grab a hoof.
All right, I'm going to count to three. One...
857
00:43:14,992 --> 00:43:17,632
...two, three, pull!
858
00:43:22,733 --> 00:43:24,303
It's gross!
859
00:43:28,339 --> 00:43:29,539
Boundaries!
860
00:43:29,540 --> 00:43:31,674
Did you not see
my "Do Not Disturb" Sign?
861
00:43:31,675 --> 00:43:32,609
Yeah, I saw it.
862
00:43:32,610 --> 00:43:34,410
But you're not the only one
who reeks of cow placenta.
863
00:43:34,411 --> 00:43:36,613
Why do you have
"Do Not Disturb" signs with you?
864
00:43:36,614 --> 00:43:38,982
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe for times like these.
865
00:43:38,983 --> 00:43:41,017
Here, try this soap.
866
00:43:41,018 --> 00:43:43,152
Look, he's a great kid...
867
00:43:43,153 --> 00:43:46,623
...and you're clearly a great,
mildly compulsive woman.
868
00:43:46,624 --> 00:43:47,423
Take the leap!
869
00:43:47,424 --> 00:43:49,158
I'm sorry,
who's mildly compulsive?
870
00:43:49,159 --> 00:43:51,427
Why do you run around
fixing everyone else's life?
871
00:43:51,428 --> 00:43:52,495
What about yours?
872
00:43:52,496 --> 00:43:55,832
My life is fine, thank you very much.
It's frigging great.
873
00:43:55,833 --> 00:43:57,967
Oh god,
the water just turned to ice!
874
00:43:57,968 --> 00:44:00,236
Whoops, sorry.
Yeah, it's solar powered.
875
00:44:00,237 --> 00:44:01,875
Bit finicky.
876
00:44:04,508 --> 00:44:07,844
Jeremiah has to get
his application in, pronto.
877
00:44:07,845 --> 00:44:08,645
Work on his resume.
878
00:44:08,646 --> 00:44:12,382
A unique talent that demonstrates passion
and commitment would be good.
879
00:44:12,383 --> 00:44:14,384
He has got to get
going on his essay.
880
00:44:14,385 --> 00:44:17,186
And you have to prepare him
for an alumni interview.
881
00:44:17,187 --> 00:44:19,455
You may have built schools
in third world countries...
882
00:44:19,456 --> 00:44:21,457
and cleaned contaminated water
from villages...
883
00:44:21,458 --> 00:44:23,860
...but you have never tried
to get a kid into Princeton.
884
00:44:23,861 --> 00:44:25,995
- Neither have you.
- I am not trying!
885
00:44:25,996 --> 00:44:29,198
I am an Admissions Officer.
I'm just helping you try.
886
00:44:29,199 --> 00:44:33,336
As I would with any outstanding student
who may have been overlooked.
887
00:44:33,337 --> 00:44:35,715
There's nothing improper
going on here.
888
00:44:37,608 --> 00:44:39,609
I am going to exit
the shower stall now.
889
00:44:39,610 --> 00:44:40,677
OK.
890
00:44:40,678 --> 00:44:43,880
Well I'm going to remain in the shower stall
for approximately thirty seconds.
891
00:44:43,881 --> 00:44:45,189
Fantastic.
892
00:44:45,616 --> 00:44:46,749
HEY-
893
00:44:46,750 --> 00:44:48,551
Yes?
How can I help you?
894
00:44:48,552 --> 00:44:50,286
Do you think he has a shot?
895
00:44:50,287 --> 00:44:52,130
Send me his transcripts.
896
00:44:53,891 --> 00:44:53,990
Nelson, take a corner kick.
897
00:44:53,991 --> 00:44:56,528
Nelson, take a corner kick.
898
00:44:58,696 --> 00:45:00,430
What was that?
Do it again.
899
00:45:00,431 --> 00:45:02,165
I'm not good at corner kicks.
900
00:45:02,166 --> 00:45:04,407
Horseshit.
Put your heart into it-.
901
00:45:07,504 --> 00:45:08,971
Hey, Portia-
How you doing?
902
00:45:08,972 --> 00:45:12,842
This is, without a doubt,
the worst transcript I have ever seen.
903
00:45:12,843 --> 00:45:13,509
Switch.
904
00:45:13,510 --> 00:45:16,979
Ds and Fs in ninth,
tenth and eleventh grade?
905
00:45:16,980 --> 00:45:20,450
Suspensions, detentions,
a Special Ed class?
906
00:45:20,451 --> 00:45:21,784
What the hell
were you thinking?
907
00:45:21,785 --> 00:45:22,819
Did you read the rest of it?
908
00:45:22,820 --> 00:45:25,388
Why?
Am I missing a police record?
909
00:45:25,389 --> 00:45:27,390
Come on, man!
910
00:45:27,391 --> 00:45:29,525
Quit half-assing it!
911
00:45:29,526 --> 00:45:32,061
Play like that, those Ecuadorian kids
are going to eat you up.
912
00:45:32,062 --> 00:45:32,595
An right.
913
00:45:32,596 --> 00:45:35,264
Jeremiah got the top score on eight
Advanced Placement tests...
914
00:45:35,265 --> 00:45:38,201
...without ever taking
the Advanced Placement courses?
915
00:45:38,202 --> 00:45:41,003
And his SATs
are almost perfect.
916
00:45:41,004 --> 00:45:43,539
- God, did he...
- Cheat? No.
917
00:45:43,540 --> 00:45:44,874
I insisted
he take those tests.
918
00:45:44,875 --> 00:45:48,211
He's the most brilliant
student I've come across.
919
00:45:48,212 --> 00:45:49,946
- Really?
- Switch!
920
00:45:49,947 --> 00:45:53,149
Regardless, kids like Jeremiah
don't get into Princeton.
921
00:45:53,150 --> 00:45:56,085
He's going to be up against kids
that have resumes fifteen feet long.
922
00:45:56,086 --> 00:45:56,786
So?
923
00:45:56,787 --> 00:45:59,689
Those kids are so burnt out already
all they want to do is get stoned...
924
00:45:59,690 --> 00:46:00,890
and play frisbee
for the rest of their lives.
925
00:46:00,891 --> 00:46:04,093
Princeton would be damn
lucky to have Jeremiah.
926
00:46:04,094 --> 00:46:05,695
Hey, "Fulbol."
927
00:46:05,696 --> 00:46:07,630
"Futbol"
- it's the world's sport, all right?
928
00:46:07,631 --> 00:46:08,731
Put some
heart into it!
929
00:46:08,732 --> 00:46:10,233
Did you get
that other thing I sent you?
930
00:46:10,234 --> 00:46:12,475
- In the box?
- What?
931
00:46:17,975 --> 00:46:19,818
World's Greatest Mom
932
00:46:20,244 --> 00:46:22,912
- Very funny.
- Look, he wants this.
933
00:46:22,913 --> 00:46:23,980
He really wants this.
934
00:46:23,981 --> 00:46:27,019
And I think he would thrive there.
I can see it.
935
00:46:27,451 --> 00:46:30,520
Look, I can't do anything
that could get me into trouble.
936
00:46:30,521 --> 00:46:35,191
But since you're new to the process,
as a professional courtesy, I can...
937
00:46:35,192 --> 00:46:38,528
...send you books, resources,
everything that one might need. OK?
938
00:46:38,529 --> 00:46:40,372
- Great.
- Goodbye.
939
00:46:41,231 --> 00:46:43,232
What the hell was that?
940
00:46:43,233 --> 00:46:46,269
I put my heart into it-
"Futbol."
941
00:46:46,270 --> 00:46:49,410
I'll give you ten bucks
if you can do it again.
942
00:46:52,176 --> 00:46:54,310
They grow up so damn fast,
don't they?
943
00:46:54,311 --> 00:46:57,079
Yeah.
Which one is yours?
944
00:46:57,080 --> 00:46:58,115
Yeah.
945
00:47:02,152 --> 00:47:04,420
How to Talk
So Teens WIN Listen
946
00:47:04,421 --> 00:47:06,155
With a megaphone.
947
00:47:06,156 --> 00:47:09,069
Right?
Exactly.
948
00:47:11,495 --> 00:47:13,229
College Bound and Gagged
949
00:47:13,230 --> 00:47:13,867
Fat Envelope Frenzy
950
00:47:17,100 --> 00:47:18,670
Admission Matters
951
00:47:19,503 --> 00:47:22,038
OK, OK, I heard you.
952
00:47:22,039 --> 00:47:24,173
Let me.
It lakes a village.
953
00:47:24,174 --> 00:47:25,775
Get your hands off my baby!
954
00:47:25,776 --> 00:47:27,910
- No, I'm just helping.
- What are you doing?
955
00:47:27,911 --> 00:47:29,245
Everybody needs a little help.
956
00:47:29,246 --> 00:47:32,315
- What the hell.
- I'm helping you.
957
00:47:32,316 --> 00:47:35,117
Come on, come on.
Right now!
958
00:47:35,118 --> 00:47:38,031
I'm not a creep.
959
00:47:44,494 --> 00:47:46,997
Balakian, Jeremiah
960
00:47:52,302 --> 00:47:53,836
When I was eight years old...
961
00:47:53,837 --> 00:47:56,706
I realized my teachers
were not going to be able to teach me.
962
00:47:56,707 --> 00:47:59,709
So I became an autodidact.
963
00:47:59,710 --> 00:48:01,849
I read everything.
964
00:48:04,448 --> 00:48:06,716
I read biographies...
965
00:48:06,717 --> 00:48:10,358
mainly because I didn't know how
other people lived their lives.
966
00:48:16,493 --> 00:48:19,428
I learned several years ago
that I was adopted.
967
00:48:19,429 --> 00:48:23,699
That I was supposed to be the son
that my parents tried so hard to have on their own.
968
00:48:23,700 --> 00:48:28,700
I think my voracious reading came from a deep
longing for something that was missing.
969
00:48:28,772 --> 00:48:30,239
I was searching for someone.
970
00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:31,947
For my story.
971
00:48:32,643 --> 00:48:35,146
To not feel so alone.
972
00:48:40,651 --> 00:48:42,631
Portia?
973
00:48:44,788 --> 00:48:46,989
I knew you were taking
this all rather hard...
974
00:48:46,990 --> 00:48:48,925
but I thought by now
you'd be back on your feet.
975
00:48:48,926 --> 00:48:50,393
What?
976
00:48:50,394 --> 00:48:52,428
It kills me.
977
00:48:52,429 --> 00:48:54,497
It really kills me.
You'll get through this.
978
00:48:54,498 --> 00:48:56,732
- You think-
- I know it seems impossible, but you will.
979
00:48:56,733 --> 00:49:01,537
- No, this has nothing to do with-
- It's OK, it's OK. I understand.
980
00:49:01,538 --> 00:49:03,172
No really.
981
00:49:03,173 --> 00:49:08,452
Christ, I have to go.
Hang on in there.
982
00:49:09,313 --> 00:49:10,246
That's so funny.
983
00:49:10,247 --> 00:49:12,915
Il Forno is one of my favorite
restaurants loo.
984
00:49:12,916 --> 00:49:15,251
- That's amazing.
- I know.
985
00:49:15,252 --> 00:49:18,888
Portia, sweetie.
You feeling all right?
986
00:49:18,889 --> 00:49:20,356
Just terrific, thanks.
987
00:49:20,357 --> 00:49:21,257
Oh good.
988
00:49:21,258 --> 00:49:25,528
Then I think there was an evaluation card
that was placed on the wrong file.
989
00:49:25,529 --> 00:49:27,663
Jeremiah Balakian.
990
00:49:27,664 --> 00:49:29,465
- Balakian.
- Ba...?
991
00:49:29,466 --> 00:49:30,766
Balakian.
992
00:49:30,767 --> 00:49:33,769
- Balakian.
- Balakian.
993
00:49:33,770 --> 00:49:35,071
I think-.
994
00:49:35,072 --> 00:49:39,141
You didn't mean to put
"High Consider," did you?
995
00:49:39,142 --> 00:49:40,678
Let me see-.
996
00:49:44,414 --> 00:49:45,348
No, that's right.
997
00:49:45,349 --> 00:49:47,683
But he has Ds
and Fs and suspensions.
998
00:49:47,684 --> 00:49:51,454
But did you notice that he also got 5s
on all eight AP exams...
999
00:49:51,455 --> 00:49:54,323
.-.without ever taking
any AP courses?
1000
00:49:54,324 --> 00:49:57,159
Yes. I'm going to investigate that.
That's impossible.
1001
00:49:57,160 --> 00:49:58,227
No, apparently not.
1002
00:49:58,228 --> 00:50:02,598
If the child in question is a unique,
special child.
1003
00:50:02,599 --> 00:50:05,735
This isn't a child,
it's an applicant.
1004
00:50:05,736 --> 00:50:07,837
He's got
no extracurriculars at all.
1005
00:50:07,838 --> 00:50:09,672
The counselor at his old high school
said he was shocked...
1006
00:50:09,673 --> 00:50:11,407
Jeremiah
was even applying to college.
1007
00:50:11,408 --> 00:50:13,142
He's an autodidact.
1008
00:50:13,143 --> 00:50:15,678
He's an advanced reader
from the age of eight.
1009
00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:20,082
Leonardo DaVinci was an autodidact.
So was Benjamin Franklin-.
1010
00:50:20,083 --> 00:50:23,686
Did this Balakian kid
discover electricity or paint the Mona Lisa?
1011
00:50:23,687 --> 00:50:25,688
I must have missed that in his file.
1012
00:50:25,689 --> 00:50:27,423
He's a great kid.
1013
00:50:27,424 --> 00:50:28,732
Portia, dear.
1014
00:50:28,925 --> 00:50:30,632
Take a deep breath.
1015
00:50:30,894 --> 00:50:33,429
Teamwork, remember?
1016
00:50:33,430 --> 00:50:35,698
- I'm sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
1017
00:50:35,699 --> 00:50:38,100
I forgot
you're in a very fragile stale.
1018
00:50:38,101 --> 00:50:42,208
Maybe you'd like to step outside
and see how fragile I am.
1019
00:50:44,241 --> 00:50:46,642
Only kidding!
Only kidding.
1020
00:50:46,643 --> 00:50:51,447
Just a little levity
to enhance the teamwork.
1021
00:50:51,448 --> 00:50:53,826
Thank you for your thoughts,
Corrine.
1022
00:50:57,154 --> 00:50:58,888
He is never getting in.
Never.
1023
00:50:58,889 --> 00:50:59,789
Calm down.
1024
00:50:59,790 --> 00:51:01,123
There's something great
I want to show you.
1025
00:51:01,124 --> 00:51:03,692
- It turns out Jeremiah was a stale champion-
- In what?
1026
00:51:03,693 --> 00:51:05,728
You know what?
It's better if you see it for yourself.
1027
00:51:05,729 --> 00:51:08,297
He's going to be doing it
at Nelson's birthday party.
1028
00:51:08,298 --> 00:51:11,667
Shows originality, intellectual passion,
everything the books talk about.
1029
00:51:11,668 --> 00:51:13,302
Slate champion.
Thank god.
1030
00:51:13,303 --> 00:51:14,136
Excellent.
1031
00:51:14,137 --> 00:51:17,773
So Hi send you the address
to Nelson's birthday party.
1032
00:51:17,774 --> 00:51:18,874
It's at my parents' house.
1033
00:51:18,875 --> 00:51:21,253
- I'll be there.
- Good.
1034
00:51:22,479 --> 00:51:25,289
Is she coming to my party?
1035
00:51:27,017 --> 00:51:28,617
Why do you like her so much?
1036
00:51:28,618 --> 00:51:30,886
I don't know.
She's weird.
1037
00:51:30,887 --> 00:51:34,023
- She is indeed.
- Doesn't matter anyway, right?
1038
00:51:34,024 --> 00:51:35,662
Sure it matters.
1039
00:51:38,161 --> 00:51:41,764
But, about this Spanish test.
1040
00:51:41,765 --> 00:51:43,799
This is your third
"try harder" in a row.
1041
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:46,168
Senora Garcia says
you have an aptitude for languages-
1042
00:51:46,169 --> 00:51:47,903
What if I don't?
1043
00:51:47,904 --> 00:51:51,073
What if I don't have an aptitude
for languages?
1044
00:51:51,074 --> 00:51:53,008
What if I'm not a genius
like Jeremiah?
1045
00:51:53,009 --> 00:51:55,778
I don't want you to be a genius.
I'm not a genius.
1046
00:51:55,779 --> 00:51:57,379
But I want you to be able
to get by in the world.
1047
00:51:57,380 --> 00:51:59,115
- Whatever.
- En espanol.
1048
00:51:59,116 --> 00:52:01,892
Whatever. I have class.
1049
00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:06,522
Even Becket emerged
from Goebbels' overcoat.
1050
00:52:06,523 --> 00:52:08,190
Not to mention Pinter, Janet.
1051
00:52:08,191 --> 00:52:09,658
- Professor Polokov.
- Yes?
1052
00:52:09,659 --> 00:52:11,794
- Portia Nathan.
- Yes, the sad lady.
1053
00:52:11,795 --> 00:52:13,929
The sad lady?
That's not really how I think of myself.
1054
00:52:13,930 --> 00:52:15,397
How is your mother?
1055
00:52:15,398 --> 00:52:16,732
She's fine.
1056
00:52:16,733 --> 00:52:21,733
So I wonder, would you consider conducting
some supplementary admissions interviews?
1057
00:52:22,339 --> 00:52:26,208
A scholar of your stature would carry
a huge amount of weight with the committee.
1058
00:52:26,209 --> 00:52:29,411
In fact, there's one
extremely unusual applicant...
1059
00:52:29,412 --> 00:52:32,214
...who's shown a strong interest
in literature and philosophy-
1060
00:52:32,215 --> 00:52:35,284
Why would I want to speak
with a high school student?
1061
00:52:35,285 --> 00:52:39,021
Of course, perhaps we could make
some sort of arrangement...
1062
00:52:39,022 --> 00:52:41,357
I can't believe you're pimping me.
1063
00:52:41,358 --> 00:52:44,493
I'm not "pimping" you.
He's a fan of your writing.
1064
00:52:44,494 --> 00:52:46,495
And I need him
to meet this applicant.
1065
00:52:46,496 --> 00:52:49,031
Besides, when was the last time
you went to a party?
1066
00:52:49,032 --> 00:52:51,033
With racist jockey statues?
Never.
1067
00:52:51,034 --> 00:52:53,139
Yeah, those are pretty weird.
1068
00:52:58,875 --> 00:53:00,743
Hey Portia,
thanks for coming to my party.
1069
00:53:00,744 --> 00:53:02,621
Hey Nelson, happy birthday!
1070
00:53:03,813 --> 00:53:05,281
Glad you could make it.
1071
00:53:05,282 --> 00:53:07,983
So this is your parents' place?
1072
00:53:07,984 --> 00:53:10,519
Yeah, well,
my mom's now.
1073
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:12,788
My dad passed away
a few months ago.
1074
00:53:12,789 --> 00:53:14,234
I'm sorry.
1075
00:53:15,325 --> 00:53:17,059
It's nice to see you again.
1076
00:53:17,060 --> 00:53:19,128
You're not packing heat
by any chance, are you?
1077
00:53:19,129 --> 00:53:19,862
Should I be?
1078
00:53:19,863 --> 00:53:21,997
No, no, we're all friendlies.
1079
00:53:21,998 --> 00:53:23,465
So, what is this?
1080
00:53:23,466 --> 00:53:26,202
That is a fossil
from the Jurassic era.
1081
00:53:26,203 --> 00:53:29,271
It has been in the same place
for a hundred and fifty million years.
1082
00:53:29,272 --> 00:53:30,139
Cool!
1083
00:53:30,140 --> 00:53:32,808
Welcome, welcome, welcome!
1084
00:53:32,809 --> 00:53:36,412
- Mom, I would like you to-
- I'm Johnny's mother, Mrs. Pressman.
1085
00:53:36,413 --> 00:53:38,414
Are you Johnny's girlfriend?
1086
00:53:38,415 --> 00:53:39,515
No.
We are friends.
1087
00:53:39,516 --> 00:53:41,951
Just friendly acquaintances.
Portia Nathan.
1088
00:53:41,952 --> 00:53:43,863
Of course.
What am I thinking?
1089
00:53:44,054 --> 00:53:46,455
He can't love anything...
1090
00:53:46,456 --> 00:53:49,491
...that's less than
a ten hour flight from JFK.
1091
00:53:49,492 --> 00:53:51,493
Maybe we don't have to go,
right Grandma?
1092
00:53:51,494 --> 00:53:54,563
- Nelson...
- You're absolutely right, Nelson.
1093
00:53:54,564 --> 00:53:58,834
There's nothing wrong
with staying in the same place for a while.
1094
00:53:58,835 --> 00:53:59,635
Ask Portia.
1095
00:53:59,636 --> 00:54:01,804
She's been in the same job
for sixteen years!
1096
00:54:01,805 --> 00:54:03,772
Yeah,
and it's a travesty, Nelson.
1097
00:54:03,773 --> 00:54:05,908
Portia was president
of her high school class.
1098
00:54:05,909 --> 00:54:06,442
Mom-
1099
00:54:06,443 --> 00:54:10,179
She resigned in protest
over funding for the girls' sports program.
1100
00:54:10,180 --> 00:54:12,648
She led a school-wide walk out.
1101
00:54:12,649 --> 00:54:14,450
And the relevance of all this is?
1102
00:54:14,451 --> 00:54:18,988
When you were nine months old,
you could walk.
1103
00:54:18,989 --> 00:54:20,055
She actually walked.
1104
00:54:20,056 --> 00:54:23,926
I don't mean just stumble walking
like an infant or a toddler...
1105
00:54:23,927 --> 00:54:26,061
...she waked with absolute certainty.
1106
00:54:26,062 --> 00:54:28,597
One day I saw her
tumble over her shoelaces.
1107
00:54:28,598 --> 00:54:31,100
She did not cry.
She didn't fall down.
1108
00:54:31,101 --> 00:54:36,101
She sat down, carefully,
and tied her shoelaces in a double knot...
1109
00:54:36,206 --> 00:54:39,141
.-.got up and kept going-
At nine months old.
1110
00:54:39,142 --> 00:54:40,743
There are a lot
of holes in that story.
1111
00:54:40,744 --> 00:54:44,480
You were fearless.
You were born an Amazon.
1112
00:54:44,481 --> 00:54:46,081
That's amazing.
I love it.
1113
00:54:46,082 --> 00:54:48,217
And what makes you think
she needs your approval?
1114
00:54:48,218 --> 00:54:50,486
- I don't.
- OK, that's enough crazytown.
1115
00:54:50,487 --> 00:54:53,155
When Johnny
got admitted to Harvard Law...
1116
00:54:53,156 --> 00:54:53,822
Oh god.
1117
00:54:53,823 --> 00:54:57,026
...he decided to go
and live in Outer Mongolia instead.
1118
00:54:57,027 --> 00:54:57,559
Yeah.
1119
00:54:57,560 --> 00:54:58,494
Outer Mongolia.
1120
00:54:58,495 --> 00:55:00,896
You know what, Portia, I'm with you.
Enough crazytown.
1121
00:55:00,897 --> 00:55:04,366
Have another vat of gin, Mom.
1122
00:55:04,367 --> 00:55:06,101
- Ms. Nathan.
- Yes?
1123
00:55:06,102 --> 00:55:07,945
Vladimir Polokov.
1124
00:55:13,610 --> 00:55:16,812
You are just as beautiful today
as you were thirty years ago.
1125
00:55:16,813 --> 00:55:18,647
I just had a mastectomy.
1126
00:55:18,648 --> 00:55:21,686
I was just translated into Finnish.
1127
00:55:23,453 --> 00:55:25,721
Brilliant.
1128
00:55:25,722 --> 00:55:27,323
Can I gel you some iced lea?
1129
00:55:27,324 --> 00:55:29,491
Or something stronger perhaps?
1130
00:55:29,492 --> 00:55:31,060
Why not.
1131
00:55:31,061 --> 00:55:32,261
I'll stroll with you-.
1132
00:55:32,262 --> 00:55:35,064
I would love to.
It would be a pleasure.
1133
00:55:35,065 --> 00:55:39,868
It was a pleasure.
Your lawn jockeys are just...outstanding.
1134
00:55:39,869 --> 00:55:41,576
Yeah, aren't they fun?
1135
00:55:44,407 --> 00:55:49,857
And now, with a special performance
for Nelson on his big day.
1136
00:55:52,349 --> 00:55:55,417
Performing the act
that won him honorable mention...
1137
00:55:55,418 --> 00:55:57,219
at the New Hampshire Slate
Championships.
1138
00:55:57,220 --> 00:55:59,063
Put your hands together...
1139
00:56:00,290 --> 00:56:02,668
Put your hands together!
1140
00:56:03,793 --> 00:56:06,831
For Jeremiah Balakian!
1141
00:56:10,166 --> 00:56:12,942
I want to dedicate
this performance to Nelson.
1142
00:56:13,103 --> 00:56:15,083
Happy birthday, pal.
1143
00:56:15,905 --> 00:56:18,440
Honorable mention,
I thought you said he won.
1144
00:56:18,441 --> 00:56:19,775
He was robbed.
1145
00:56:19,776 --> 00:56:21,243
This is my other friend...
1146
00:56:21,244 --> 00:56:23,112
...Rene Descartes.
1147
00:56:23,113 --> 00:56:26,448
- Say "Hello, Rene."
- Hello, Rene.
1148
00:56:26,449 --> 00:56:28,429
How are you, Rene?
1149
00:56:29,519 --> 00:56:34,025
I think, therefore I am.
1150
00:56:36,059 --> 00:56:39,261
Did you say you're pink,
therefore you're ham?
1151
00:56:39,262 --> 00:56:41,397
Do you have any advice
for a young man, Rene?
1152
00:56:41,398 --> 00:56:42,998
Whatever you do...
1153
00:56:42,999 --> 00:56:47,106
...don't put the horse before...
1154
00:56:47,670 --> 00:56:49,911
"Descartes.
1155
00:56:52,475 --> 00:56:57,117
Do you guys want to see Descartes
philosophize backwards?
1156
00:56:57,547 --> 00:57:00,215
I think, therefore I am.
1157
00:57:00,216 --> 00:57:02,484
Oh god.
1158
00:57:02,485 --> 00:57:04,863
That's terrible.
1159
00:57:09,159 --> 00:57:10,426
What was that?
1160
00:57:10,427 --> 00:57:12,761
Come on,
that showed originality, depth-
1161
00:57:12,762 --> 00:57:13,829
Are you kidding me?
1162
00:57:13,830 --> 00:57:16,765
Here from the island of misfit toys
is Jeremiah Balakian.
1163
00:57:16,766 --> 00:57:18,100
Are those birds?
1164
00:57:18,101 --> 00:57:19,435
Those are doves.
1165
00:57:19,436 --> 00:57:20,636
For the party?
1166
00:57:20,637 --> 00:57:22,638
No, you know,
my morn has a dove room.
1167
00:57:22,639 --> 00:57:25,974
By the way,
I know that wasn't a perfect showcase...
1168
00:57:25,975 --> 00:57:27,843
but he can't pretend
to be somebody he's not.
1169
00:57:27,844 --> 00:57:29,745
Yes he can.
You should try it sometime.
1170
00:57:29,746 --> 00:57:31,914
It's how humans behave here
on planet earth.
1171
00:57:31,915 --> 00:57:33,715
I know how humans
behave on planet earth...
1172
00:57:33,716 --> 00:57:36,452
because I've actually lived
a few places on planet earth-.
1173
00:57:36,453 --> 00:57:38,120
Wait!
Here, help me out.
1174
00:57:38,121 --> 00:57:39,388
Aren't you ready yet?
1175
00:57:39,389 --> 00:57:41,890
- I'm lighting them as fast as I can.
- Hurry up!
1176
00:57:41,891 --> 00:57:43,459
Do you like the cake?
1177
00:57:43,460 --> 00:57:44,660
It's very patriotic.
1178
00:57:44,661 --> 00:57:46,231
Nelson's idea.
1179
00:57:46,930 --> 00:57:49,331
How many frigging candles
are on this cake?
1180
00:57:49,332 --> 00:57:50,367
Fifty.
1181
00:57:50,667 --> 00:57:51,867
It was my mom's idea.
1182
00:57:51,868 --> 00:57:54,536
Polokov was looking
at Jeremiah like he had two heads.
1183
00:57:54,537 --> 00:57:56,004
Well that's his problem, isn't it!
1184
00:57:56,005 --> 00:57:59,475
Look, I want Jeremiah to go to Princeton
because he wants to go to Princeton...
1185
00:57:59,476 --> 00:58:00,809
and I actually think
he'd do great there...
1186
00:58:00,810 --> 00:58:03,212
.-.but if he doesn't get in to Princeton,
if he gets in to another school-..
1187
00:58:03,213 --> 00:58:04,279
Well that's fine loo.
1188
00:58:04,280 --> 00:58:05,747
Because where you went to school...
1189
00:58:05,748 --> 00:58:08,283
and what your background is,
that's just a box and I reject it.
1190
00:58:08,284 --> 00:58:10,924
I reject being put into a box.
OK?
1191
00:58:18,161 --> 00:58:19,895
- Hi.
- Hi, morn.
1192
00:58:19,896 --> 00:58:21,739
- How'd it go?
- It was good.
1193
00:58:28,771 --> 00:58:32,908
Mr. and Mrs. Balakian,
I'm Portia Nathan.
1194
00:58:32,909 --> 00:58:37,513
I want to say thank you so much for everything that
you have done for this boy.
1195
00:58:37,514 --> 00:58:39,494
You're wonderful people.
1196
00:58:41,784 --> 00:58:44,287
She's from Princeton.
1197
00:58:45,121 --> 00:58:46,989
Well, you're welcome.
1198
00:58:46,990 --> 00:58:48,560
I love you.
1199
00:58:48,992 --> 00:58:50,699
OK.
1200
00:58:50,994 --> 00:58:52,701
Bye.
1201
00:59:02,071 --> 00:59:03,138
Portia?
1202
00:59:03,139 --> 00:59:04,473
What are you doing here?
1203
00:59:04,474 --> 00:59:05,941
I want to come live with you!
1204
00:59:05,942 --> 00:59:08,877
Why in god's name
would you want to live with me?
1205
00:59:08,878 --> 00:59:11,947
Because you're a normal,
boring adult.
1206
00:59:11,948 --> 00:59:13,549
I bet you'd take me
to Chuck E. Cheese.
1207
00:59:13,550 --> 00:59:15,551
What makes you think
I'm so boring?
1208
00:59:15,552 --> 00:59:17,286
You just are.
1209
00:59:17,287 --> 00:59:17,953
It's good.
1210
00:59:17,954 --> 00:59:19,855
At your age,
you're supposed to be boring.
1211
00:59:19,856 --> 00:59:21,290
I'm the same age
as your dad!
1212
00:59:21,291 --> 00:59:22,624
Tell him that!
1213
00:59:22,625 --> 00:59:25,027
- Hello?
- John, it's Portia. I have Nelson.
1214
00:59:25,028 --> 00:59:26,495
- You do?
- He's fine.
1215
00:59:26,496 --> 00:59:28,096
- He is?
- Yes. He's fine.
1216
00:59:28,097 --> 00:59:29,269
Thank goodness.
1217
00:59:37,040 --> 00:59:40,509
Nelson, you know how much
I love this statue, right?
1218
00:59:40,510 --> 00:59:41,476
Yeah.
1219
00:59:41,477 --> 00:59:46,148
You rode a horse three days
through Outer Mongolia in the pouring rain...
1220
00:59:46,149 --> 00:59:48,450
...living off
mare's milk to bring it back.
1221
00:59:48,451 --> 00:59:49,718
That's right.
1222
00:59:49,719 --> 00:59:54,759
And I've dragged it place to place,
across the world ever since I was twenty two.
1223
00:59:57,994 --> 01:00:01,730
That is nothing compared
to how much I love you.
1224
01:00:01,731 --> 01:00:04,266
Please don't scare me
like that again.
1225
01:00:04,267 --> 01:00:06,668
Why?
You do it all the time?
1226
01:00:06,669 --> 01:00:07,869
Hide out in cars?
1227
01:00:07,870 --> 01:00:09,204
Run away!
1228
01:00:09,205 --> 01:00:10,339
I'll never run away from you.
1229
01:00:10,340 --> 01:00:13,942
And going across the world
and helping people is not running away.
1230
01:00:13,943 --> 01:00:17,713
I know, but why
can't we ever just do what I want?
1231
01:00:17,714 --> 01:00:20,182
Because you are a kid.
I am an adult.
1232
01:00:20,183 --> 01:00:24,598
What I say in this house goes!
1233
01:00:33,763 --> 01:00:36,141
This parenthood thing...
1234
01:00:36,566 --> 01:00:38,567
...well, it's a disaster.
1235
01:00:38,568 --> 01:00:40,302
So I hear.
1236
01:00:40,303 --> 01:00:44,172
I'm screwing it up.
Am I? Screwing it up?
1237
01:00:44,173 --> 01:00:45,240
You're asking me?
1238
01:00:45,241 --> 01:00:48,176
I don't know, it's just,
Nelson and I have always travelled.
1239
01:00:48,177 --> 01:00:50,579
I wanted to give him the kind of life
I didn't have as a kid.
1240
01:00:50,580 --> 01:00:52,180
I wanted to give him
the opposite of what I had as a kid...
1241
01:00:52,181 --> 01:00:54,583
but now all of a sudden
he's turning into my mother.
1242
01:00:54,584 --> 01:00:57,919
You know, he plays Bridge.
He listens to Lite FM.
1243
01:00:57,920 --> 01:01:02,324
He asked for a blue blazer with gold buttons
and anchors on them for Christmas.
1244
01:01:02,325 --> 01:01:03,792
Does your mom
wear blue blazers?
1245
01:01:03,793 --> 01:01:05,670
No, that was my father.
1246
01:01:06,195 --> 01:01:08,196
How is it possible?
1247
01:01:08,197 --> 01:01:10,198
What am I doing wrong?
1248
01:01:10,199 --> 01:01:11,800
At least you're trying.
1249
01:01:11,801 --> 01:01:14,736
I mean, there's so many
different kinds of parents.
1250
01:01:14,737 --> 01:01:17,377
There's no one best way to do it.
1251
01:01:17,807 --> 01:01:19,141
Or so I have gathered...
1252
01:01:19,142 --> 01:01:22,885
with my vast experience
reading personal essays.
1253
01:01:24,614 --> 01:01:28,721
Speaking of which, I have
fifteen essays to get through tonight, so...
1254
01:01:32,889 --> 01:01:36,091
Well thank you
for bringing him back.
1255
01:01:36,092 --> 01:01:37,400
Of course.
1256
01:01:39,028 --> 01:01:41,531
So you really are leaving,
aren't you?
1257
01:01:41,964 --> 01:01:43,671
In a month and a half.
1258
01:01:52,108 --> 01:01:56,079
- I thought-
- Let's just not think for a while.
1259
01:01:56,646 --> 01:01:57,954
Great.
1260
01:02:30,546 --> 01:02:32,787
Hey Portia.
1261
01:02:33,983 --> 01:02:36,384
Are you going to be my mom?
1262
01:02:36,385 --> 01:02:38,126
What? No.
1263
01:02:39,088 --> 01:02:41,193
Just messing with you.
1264
01:02:41,624 --> 01:02:43,604
Right. Go back to sleep.
1265
01:02:44,293 --> 01:02:47,206
Guess you're not so boring after all-.
1266
01:03:04,847 --> 01:03:06,181
- Good morning.
- Hi.
1267
01:03:06,182 --> 01:03:08,316
Did you stay over?
1268
01:03:08,317 --> 01:03:10,185
Too long
of a drive back to campus?
1269
01:03:10,186 --> 01:03:11,756
I slept on the sofa.
1270
01:03:12,455 --> 01:03:14,298
So did your mother.
1271
01:03:14,857 --> 01:03:16,992
We did not make it
all the way to the bedroom.
1272
01:03:16,993 --> 01:03:18,460
I didn't need to know that.
1273
01:03:18,461 --> 01:03:20,996
Interesting.
Unique, I would say.
1274
01:03:20,997 --> 01:03:22,464
Really, that's enough information.
1275
01:03:22,465 --> 01:03:24,599
The boy. Jeremiah.
1276
01:03:24,600 --> 01:03:26,067
The ventriloquism...
1277
01:03:26,068 --> 01:03:29,271
Weird- I liked it.
1278
01:03:29,272 --> 01:03:31,807
- I will write a recommendation.
- Thank you!
1279
01:03:31,808 --> 01:03:34,049
Thank you, sad lady.
1280
01:03:59,035 --> 01:04:00,742
Mom?
1281
01:04:01,037 --> 01:04:02,209
Mom?
1282
01:04:04,907 --> 01:04:07,820
What are you doing here?
1283
01:04:09,445 --> 01:04:12,113
I wanted to tell you something.
1284
01:04:12,114 --> 01:04:13,181
I know.
1285
01:04:13,182 --> 01:04:15,717
You slept with that guy,
didn't you?
1286
01:04:15,718 --> 01:04:16,918
I did.
1287
01:04:16,919 --> 01:04:19,024
Then we both got lucky.
1288
01:04:19,589 --> 01:04:22,365
Yeah.
He's leaving.
1289
01:04:22,925 --> 01:04:25,838
It's OK. It's good.
1290
01:04:25,995 --> 01:04:26,795
It is good.
1291
01:04:26,796 --> 01:04:29,397
You don't need
any commitments right now.
1292
01:04:29,398 --> 01:04:31,036
It's perfect.
1293
01:04:32,134 --> 01:04:32,934
No.
1294
01:04:32,935 --> 01:04:35,470
Honey, I'm exhausted.
1295
01:04:35,471 --> 01:04:39,248
That old Russian guy
gave me a workout.
1296
01:04:41,477 --> 01:04:43,855
Just take a nap.
1297
01:04:44,947 --> 01:04:46,790
Just for a bit.
1298
01:04:48,284 --> 01:04:51,060
Actually,
I've got to hit the road.
1299
01:05:50,279 --> 01:05:51,613
Next victim!
1300
01:05:51,614 --> 01:05:54,683
Good luck with the fencing finals,
Sebastian.
1301
01:05:54,684 --> 01:05:57,018
It was a pleasure to meet you.
1302
01:05:57,019 --> 01:05:58,726
Thank you so much.
1303
01:05:59,021 --> 01:06:01,524
- Hi there.
- Hi.
1304
01:06:04,060 --> 01:06:05,927
This is Jeremiah Balakian.
1305
01:06:05,928 --> 01:06:08,196
Good to meet you.
Are you Mr. Balakian?
1306
01:06:08,197 --> 01:06:08,630
No.
1307
01:06:08,631 --> 01:06:10,765
His parents couldn't make it.
I'm his teacher.
1308
01:06:10,766 --> 01:06:12,473
Yeah,
you look like a teacher.
1309
01:06:12,902 --> 01:06:15,170
Might want to tuck that in, son.
1310
01:06:15,171 --> 01:06:17,572
So, Jeremiah, why don't you come
into my torture chamber...
1311
01:06:17,573 --> 01:06:20,075
...we'll have a chat and you can tell me
why you want to go to Princeton.
1312
01:06:20,076 --> 01:06:21,977
I rode crew.
1313
01:06:21,978 --> 01:06:24,891
Class of eighty-one.
Lot's changed since then.
1314
01:06:25,314 --> 01:06:28,917
Hey.
This kid, he's terrific.
1315
01:06:28,918 --> 01:06:30,885
Yeah. Great.
1316
01:06:30,886 --> 01:06:33,455
No, I mean he's authentic.
1317
01:06:33,456 --> 01:06:36,658
He doesn't want to just go to Princeton
to meet future business partners.
1318
01:06:36,659 --> 01:06:39,995
He loves learning
for the sake of learning.
1319
01:06:39,996 --> 01:06:42,237
That's what it's about,
isn't it?
1320
01:06:44,400 --> 01:06:46,401
Right.
1321
01:06:46,402 --> 01:06:48,937
Why don't you go get yourself
a cup of coffee.
1322
01:06:48,938 --> 01:06:51,578
Yeah, great.
Thanks.
1323
01:06:52,408 --> 01:06:54,786
- Prick.
- Excuse me?
1324
01:06:57,213 --> 01:07:01,216
I just called you a prick.
I'm sorry.
1325
01:07:01,217 --> 01:07:04,664
Don't take it out on him.
It's my own thing.
1326
01:07:07,757 --> 01:07:09,624
That's not very nice.
1327
01:07:09,625 --> 01:07:10,797
I know.
1328
01:07:11,761 --> 01:07:14,799
So, Jeremiah,
tell me about yourself-.
1329
01:07:17,366 --> 01:07:21,102
Myself as in, you know,
in relation to my soul or...
1330
01:07:21,103 --> 01:07:25,106
...do you mean myself as like a unified person
as the source of consciousness?
1331
01:07:25,107 --> 01:07:29,078
Or do you mean myself
like a narrative center of gravity?
1332
01:07:30,146 --> 01:07:31,479
How bad was it?
1333
01:07:31,480 --> 01:07:33,782
I'm not supposed to discuss
alumni recommendations.
1334
01:07:33,783 --> 01:07:34,849
It was that bad?
1335
01:07:34,850 --> 01:07:36,384
Can we get him
a second alumni interview?
1336
01:07:36,385 --> 01:07:37,519
I'm afraid not.
1337
01:07:37,520 --> 01:07:39,387
Tomorrow,
the committee meetings begin...
1338
01:07:39,388 --> 01:07:41,523
...and...look, I've got to go home
and get some sleep.
1339
01:07:41,524 --> 01:07:43,258
It's the last chance
I'm going to have for three weeks.
1340
01:07:43,259 --> 01:07:45,393
Your meetings
last three weeks?
1341
01:07:45,394 --> 01:07:47,395
- I have to go.
- Right.
1342
01:07:47,396 --> 01:07:48,568
Bye.
1343
01:08:10,486 --> 01:08:12,887
I have spoken
to the Judo Association and...
1344
01:08:12,888 --> 01:08:16,461
...they have no record
of his "national championship.'
1345
01:08:16,525 --> 01:08:18,526
DENY
1346
01:08:18,527 --> 01:08:20,507
Thank you. Goodbye.
1347
01:08:24,834 --> 01:08:27,635
I just want to say thank you.
1348
01:08:27,636 --> 01:08:32,636
I've tried to put
on a brave front about M-M-
1349
01:08:34,477 --> 01:08:36,511
I can't even say his name.
1350
01:08:36,512 --> 01:08:38,213
- Mark.
- Yes. Him.
1351
01:08:38,214 --> 01:08:39,591
And honestly...
1352
01:08:40,349 --> 01:08:43,685
...you're the only person
who has really been so sensitive...
1353
01:08:43,686 --> 01:08:47,293
...to what I'm going through
and I appreciate it so much.
1354
01:08:48,791 --> 01:08:51,294
Men can be such pigs.
1355
01:08:51,727 --> 01:08:53,968
People are all pigs.
1356
01:08:54,396 --> 01:08:58,105
OK, yes.
I'm with you on that.
1357
01:09:04,006 --> 01:09:05,314
Oh no-
1358
01:09:07,610 --> 01:09:10,278
Maybe we can declare
a truce, because...
1359
01:09:10,279 --> 01:09:15,216
...we women have to stick together
in this man eat woman...
1360
01:09:15,217 --> 01:09:17,458
...dog eat bitch world.
1361
01:09:17,753 --> 01:09:20,529
Sisterhood.
1362
01:09:21,757 --> 01:09:24,533
You are so right.
1363
01:09:28,164 --> 01:09:29,734
- Good.
- Yeah.
1364
01:09:32,434 --> 01:09:34,435
Friends, today...
1365
01:09:34,436 --> 01:09:36,838
...we begin
the process of choosing...
1366
01:09:36,839 --> 01:09:41,879
...the most remarkable freshman class
in Princeton history.
1367
01:09:42,444 --> 01:09:48,827
Here is the order of territories,
chosen randomly.
1368
01:09:49,251 --> 01:09:52,289
We begin with the West.
1369
01:09:52,588 --> 01:09:54,568
Ladies and gentlemen.
1370
01:09:54,990 --> 01:09:56,991
Corrine, are you ready?
1371
01:09:56,992 --> 01:09:58,699
Yes.
1372
01:09:59,295 --> 01:10:01,162
Yulia Karasov.
1373
01:10:01,163 --> 01:10:06,163
Class rank two of four hundred and fifty,
magnet school in a suburb of San Diego.
1374
01:10:06,602 --> 01:10:09,270
Her family emigrated
from Russia ten years ago.
1375
01:10:09,271 --> 01:10:13,541
She's captain of the cross-country team,
sports editor of the school paper.
1376
01:10:13,542 --> 01:10:17,946
Math 760,
Critical Reading 710, Writing 740.
1377
01:10:17,947 --> 01:10:19,681
But the recs aren't special.
1378
01:10:19,682 --> 01:10:23,151
They admire her,
but they don't love her.
1379
01:10:23,152 --> 01:10:26,599
Show of hands for acceptance.
1380
01:10:30,359 --> 01:10:31,531
DENY
1381
01:10:34,096 --> 01:10:36,364
Holy shit,
that's the kid that doesn't get in?
1382
01:10:36,365 --> 01:10:37,699
Sylvia Hadlock.
1383
01:10:37,700 --> 01:10:38,766
Applying from Los Angeles...
1384
01:10:38,767 --> 01:10:41,402
but she's originally
from our beautiful stale of New Jersey.
1385
01:10:41,403 --> 01:10:42,814
DENY
1386
01:10:43,305 --> 01:10:46,107
Wallace Thompson.
Twenty-one hundred combined SAT...
1387
01:10:46,108 --> 01:10:47,108
...class treasurer...
1388
01:10:47,109 --> 01:10:51,012
Volunteers for Santa Claus...chess champion...
prison web site... started an organic farm...
1389
01:10:51,013 --> 01:10:53,619
"electromagnetic waves on bees.
1390
01:10:54,083 --> 01:10:55,483
Alice Copley.
1391
01:10:55,484 --> 01:10:59,053
Her dream is to be a prosecutor,
then serve on the Supreme Court.
1392
01:10:59,054 --> 01:11:01,522
Alice's mother was murdered.
1393
01:11:01,523 --> 01:11:04,058
The murderer got off on a technicality.
1394
01:11:04,059 --> 01:11:05,793
Alice would like to retry him...
1395
01:11:05,794 --> 01:11:07,637
...and put him away for life.
1396
01:11:07,963 --> 01:11:11,069
Though she would prefer
the death penalty.
1397
01:11:11,467 --> 01:11:13,735
Excellent extracurriculars.
1398
01:11:13,736 --> 01:11:18,206
Twenty-two twenty
combined SAT. 4.2 GPA
1399
01:11:18,207 --> 01:11:22,710
I'm a little concerned about a revenge
fantasy fueling her academics.
1400
01:11:22,711 --> 01:11:26,853
Portia, you were second reader.
I see you put "Maybe"
1401
01:11:27,349 --> 01:11:29,550
I might have
underestimated her passion...
1402
01:11:29,551 --> 01:11:32,787
...upon first reading,
as we all sometimes do.
1403
01:11:32,788 --> 01:11:36,424
I think this girl's
self-knowledge is impressive.
1404
01:11:36,425 --> 01:11:38,234
She's an excellent candidate.
1405
01:11:40,262 --> 01:11:41,570
Vote.
1406
01:11:46,302 --> 01:11:47,635
Very good.
1407
01:11:47,636 --> 01:11:48,376
ACCEPT
1408
01:11:53,242 --> 01:11:56,689
Dashiel Weld Broward.
1409
01:11:56,779 --> 01:11:59,885
Fourth generation legacy.
1410
01:11:59,982 --> 01:12:02,019
Four point oh.
1411
01:12:02,251 --> 01:12:04,319
Captain of his sailing club.
1412
01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:07,055
He led them to victory
three years in a row.
1413
01:12:07,056 --> 01:12:08,091
SATs?
1414
01:12:08,657 --> 01:12:10,992
660, 710, 600-.
1415
01:12:10,993 --> 01:12:13,328
He's just one of those kids
that doesn't test well.
1416
01:12:13,329 --> 01:12:16,531
But, oh,
can he read the wind.
1417
01:12:16,532 --> 01:12:20,068
So what you're saying
is that an unusual candidate's strengths...
1418
01:12:20,069 --> 01:12:23,204
...in some areas
really do outweigh major...
1419
01:12:23,205 --> 01:12:26,846
...and I mean
major - weakness elsewhere.
1420
01:12:29,078 --> 01:12:29,852
Yes.
1421
01:12:31,146 --> 01:12:32,613
Well let's vote then.
1422
01:12:32,614 --> 01:12:34,252
For acceptance?
1423
01:12:39,021 --> 01:12:42,525
Aput Kunayak
from Nome, Alaska.
1424
01:12:42,758 --> 01:12:44,625
Managed
to take five AP classes...
1425
01:12:44,626 --> 01:12:47,829
...while working
on his father's reindeer farm and...
1426
01:12:47,830 --> 01:12:52,567
.-.starting and running a shelter
for homeless sled dogs-.
1427
01:12:52,568 --> 01:12:54,969
Had suffered
from ADD but overcame it...
1428
01:12:54,970 --> 01:12:57,505
...to become a leader
in his high school.
1429
01:12:57,506 --> 01:13:00,375
He'd be the first
in his family to attend college.
1430
01:13:00,376 --> 01:13:05,376
Now Ben, as you know, we have room
for very few of these "iffy" students.
1431
01:13:06,048 --> 01:13:09,427
But then again, we have to make room
for the exceptional, right?
1432
01:13:10,052 --> 01:13:11,554
Let's vote.
1433
01:13:24,366 --> 01:13:27,142
Aput Kunayak.
1434
01:13:29,738 --> 01:13:32,184
Are you going
to give me the file?
1435
01:13:32,441 --> 01:13:35,109
And last,
we come to the end.
1436
01:13:35,110 --> 01:13:37,111
The Northeast.
1437
01:13:37,112 --> 01:13:40,491
Portia, please begin.
1438
01:13:41,283 --> 01:13:42,728
Thank you.
1439
01:13:44,820 --> 01:13:48,089
Richard Guinness.
Rye Country Day School.
1440
01:13:48,090 --> 01:13:52,193
State champion in the one hundred
and thirty eight pound wrestling class.
1441
01:13:52,194 --> 01:13:56,264
Played "Rolfe" in the school production
of "The Sound of Music.'
1442
01:13:56,265 --> 01:13:56,964
DENY
1443
01:13:56,965 --> 01:13:59,834
Chess club,
makes an excellent soufflé...
1444
01:13:59,835 --> 01:14:02,873
...member of the team
but not a leader.
1445
01:14:03,572 --> 01:14:06,507
Backbone
of the Woodwinds section...
1446
01:14:06,508 --> 01:14:08,443
...was the highest praise he got.
1447
01:14:08,444 --> 01:14:12,213
He is the kind of student
you could always call upon...
1448
01:14:12,214 --> 01:14:15,316
...-to help with
Martin Luthor King Day activities-.
1449
01:14:15,317 --> 01:14:16,591
Who isn't?
1450
01:14:16,985 --> 01:14:21,789
That's twenty eight
denies in a row.
1451
01:14:21,790 --> 01:14:24,892
Come on, Portia.
Make us fall in love.
1452
01:14:24,893 --> 01:14:26,668
OK. Let's see.
1453
01:14:32,601 --> 01:14:34,581
Jeremiah Balakian.
1454
01:14:38,874 --> 01:14:41,943
Jeremiah is our first applicant
from Quest...
1455
01:14:41,944 --> 01:14:43,845
...a new school
in New Hampshire.
1456
01:14:43,846 --> 01:14:46,714
Developmental,
but academically rigorous.
1457
01:14:46,715 --> 01:14:48,549
Jeremiah is an only child.
1458
01:14:48,550 --> 01:14:51,152
Parents both work
at a Stop N Go.
1459
01:14:51,153 --> 01:14:53,354
Neither
of them attended college.
1460
01:14:53,355 --> 01:14:56,097
The first three years
of his high school life were...
1461
01:14:56,592 --> 01:14:58,230
...a disaster.
1462
01:14:58,460 --> 01:15:01,168
If you're wondering
why you are even listening to this...
1463
01:15:01,263 --> 01:15:06,263
Jeremiah is also a self-described
autodidact since the age of eight.
1464
01:15:06,535 --> 01:15:07,535
He's very well read.
1465
01:15:07,536 --> 01:15:10,705
In fact, he's the most well read
person I have met.
1466
01:15:10,706 --> 01:15:11,810
Ever.
1467
01:15:12,374 --> 01:15:15,443
And why?
For his resume?
1468
01:15:15,444 --> 01:15:17,044
To impress someone?
1469
01:15:17,045 --> 01:15:21,755
For the sake of learning.
His passion for knowledge.
1470
01:15:22,751 --> 01:15:26,087
He had no plans to attend college
until this past fall...
1471
01:15:26,088 --> 01:15:27,522
...when he switched to Quest...
1472
01:15:27,523 --> 01:15:32,523
...and came into contact with teachers
who recognized his potential.
1473
01:15:33,128 --> 01:15:37,832
Last spring,
he took the SATs and eight AP tests.
1474
01:15:37,833 --> 01:15:40,601
Wail, so he took AP classes?
1475
01:15:40,602 --> 01:15:44,071
No AP classes.
No SAT prep courses.
1476
01:15:44,072 --> 01:15:47,308
But he got 5's on all eight APs.
1477
01:15:47,309 --> 01:15:52,309
And 790, 780
and 790 on the SATs.
1478
01:15:53,081 --> 01:15:55,182
- That's amazing.
- I'm sorry, what did you say?
1479
01:15:55,183 --> 01:15:57,118
- That's amazing.
- Amazing.
1480
01:15:57,119 --> 01:15:59,292
It's amazing.
Exactly.
1481
01:15:59,588 --> 01:16:03,257
Do you think he can handle
an intense academic community?
1482
01:16:03,258 --> 01:16:03,991
Thank you.
1483
01:16:03,992 --> 01:16:05,626
- That's a great question, thank you.
- You're welcome.
1484
01:16:05,627 --> 01:16:07,962
The director
of his new school says...
1485
01:16:07,963 --> 01:16:10,831
...he is idiosyncratic,
cerebral...
1486
01:16:10,832 --> 01:16:15,036
.-.a true original whose abilities
would lift the level of discourse.“...
1487
01:16:15,037 --> 01:16:16,771
...in any class he enrolled in.
1488
01:16:16,772 --> 01:16:19,006
You seem...
passionate about him.
1489
01:16:19,007 --> 01:16:19,941
I am.
1490
01:16:19,942 --> 01:16:24,879
So what was his GPA?
I mean, before Quest?
1491
01:16:24,880 --> 01:16:27,548
D plus.
One point five.
1492
01:16:27,549 --> 01:16:29,617
He was a lost kid.
1493
01:16:29,618 --> 01:16:31,996
And then he was found.
1494
01:16:33,121 --> 01:16:37,391
So Corrine, you were second reader.
I see you wrote "Deny."
1495
01:16:37,392 --> 01:16:39,167
Any second thoughts?
1496
01:16:42,331 --> 01:16:45,778
Well, he is like no other applicant
we have ever considered.
1497
01:16:46,802 --> 01:16:48,869
His alumni interview
was not so great.
1498
01:16:48,870 --> 01:16:51,214
That guy sounded like a jerk.
1499
01:16:53,742 --> 01:16:57,011
And he has a positive
recommendation...
1500
01:16:57,012 --> 01:17:00,425
...from no less of a scholar
than Vladimir Polokov.
1501
01:17:03,952 --> 01:17:08,222
OK, maybe from our perspective
he could have done more...
1502
01:17:08,223 --> 01:17:12,927
...made himself more of a resume
and paper trail.
1503
01:17:12,928 --> 01:17:17,431
But he look himself
from nowhere to where he is today.
1504
01:17:17,432 --> 01:17:21,938
He educated himself
purely by instinct.
1505
01:17:22,371 --> 01:17:25,250
Not because he wants
to put away his mother's killer.
1506
01:17:26,308 --> 01:17:29,777
He was as isolated
as someone in Nome, Alaska.
1507
01:17:29,778 --> 01:17:31,052
He was alone.
1508
01:17:31,446 --> 01:17:33,483
He was completely alone.
1509
01:17:35,050 --> 01:17:36,984
And you know,
maybe if his parents had been rich...
1510
01:17:36,985 --> 01:17:38,965
he would have been exposed
to more.
1511
01:17:39,788 --> 01:17:42,894
We have to make room
for these kids.
1512
01:17:49,765 --> 01:17:53,736
We have to make room
for kids like these.
1513
01:17:56,638 --> 01:17:59,106
Clarence, you told us
at the beginning of the year...
1514
01:17:59,107 --> 01:18:01,986
to find that undiscovered gem.
1515
01:18:03,512 --> 01:18:05,958
I found him.
1516
01:18:12,254 --> 01:18:14,588
Well, let's vote.
1517
01:18:14,589 --> 01:18:17,229
All in favor of admission?
1518
01:18:34,609 --> 01:18:38,946
He also received an honorable mention
at the state finals for ventriloquism.
1519
01:18:38,947 --> 01:18:40,585
We're in the middle of a vole.
1520
01:18:44,486 --> 01:18:46,193
Brandt?
1521
01:18:48,256 --> 01:18:49,924
I'm sorry, Portia.
1522
01:18:49,925 --> 01:18:53,427
I just think he's got
a little too much to overcome.
1523
01:18:53,428 --> 01:18:56,597
I mean,
the kid was in Special Ed.
1524
01:18:56,598 --> 01:19:00,000
I know sometimes we subconsciously
identity with applicants...
1525
01:19:00,001 --> 01:19:03,073
...who remind us of ourselves,
but honey, no.
1526
01:19:05,474 --> 01:19:07,112
OK then.
1527
01:19:07,275 --> 01:19:08,676
Pen)'-
1528
01:19:08,677 --> 01:19:11,979
Wait!
Polokov called him inspirational!
1529
01:19:11,980 --> 01:19:14,688
Portia, please.
Sit down.
1530
01:19:21,490 --> 01:19:23,993
It's too risky.
1531
01:19:24,960 --> 01:19:28,931
He's just not Princeton material.
1532
01:19:29,698 --> 01:19:34,010
I'm actually surprised
that you thought he was.
1533
01:19:34,369 --> 01:19:35,541
DENY
1534
01:19:44,679 --> 01:19:47,057
Tenisha Jones.
1535
01:19:47,315 --> 01:19:49,625
Brearley School, Manhattan.
1536
01:19:50,352 --> 01:19:53,154
GPA: Four point three.
1537
01:19:53,155 --> 01:19:55,990
Speaks
semi-fluent Mandarin.
1538
01:19:55,991 --> 01:19:57,527
Two, three, four!
1539
01:20:04,032 --> 01:20:05,432
Listen to my tale
1540
01:20:05,433 --> 01:20:10,433
Man, it's really sad t got
those tiger-town blues and I got them bad
1541
01:20:10,672 --> 01:20:14,408
I've been hanging around
at the Nass a“ day
1542
01:20:14,409 --> 01:20:17,778
Hoping to drown
my blues away
1543
01:20:17,779 --> 01:20:23,752
Oh Lord,
I got those tigenown blues
1544
01:20:24,119 --> 01:20:28,122
Now these Princeton boys,
they're a bad bunch of boys
1545
01:20:28,123 --> 01:20:31,592
And they realty know
how to spread their joys
1546
01:20:31,593 --> 01:20:35,229
They've been running around
when they ought to be in
1547
01:20:35,230 --> 01:20:38,432
Hitting those books
instead of a bottle of gin
1548
01:20:38,433 --> 01:20:43,883
Oh Lord,
I've got those tiger-town blues
1549
01:20:44,973 --> 01:20:49,973
Those tigerlown blues
(we never work at all)
1550
01:20:50,979 --> 01:20:55,979
Those tigertown blues
(that's why we're singing now)
1551
01:21:04,459 --> 01:21:05,726
Portia Nathan.
1552
01:21:05,727 --> 01:21:08,708
Hey, this is Bob Barrow
from Hotchkiss.
1553
01:21:09,130 --> 01:21:12,199
I wanted to talk to you
about one of our applicants.
1554
01:21:12,200 --> 01:21:14,401
All decisions have been made.
1555
01:21:14,402 --> 01:21:18,272
Yes, but I wanted you to know
that Jesse Bolton is going to Yale.
1556
01:21:18,273 --> 01:21:20,140
Definitely.
He was just in here.
1557
01:21:20,141 --> 01:21:23,520
Even though he's a legacy,
he's definitely going to Yale.
1558
01:21:24,346 --> 01:21:27,014
So look,
if you accepted him...
1559
01:21:27,015 --> 01:21:29,016
maybe that place can go
to another of our students?
1560
01:21:29,017 --> 01:21:32,055
Instead of Jesse
just rejecting Princeton.
1561
01:21:32,287 --> 01:21:35,956
Thank you for your call,
but all decisions are absolutely final.
1562
01:21:35,957 --> 01:21:37,937
No changes can be made.
1563
01:21:38,293 --> 01:21:39,670
Yes, but-
1564
01:22:07,255 --> 01:22:09,166
Password
1565
01:22:14,195 --> 01:22:14,900
Love, Aleksai
1566
01:22:14,996 --> 01:22:16,031
Aleksai.
1567
01:22:25,874 --> 01:22:29,447
Final Accept-Deny
1568
01:22:34,349 --> 01:22:37,057
Bolton, Jesse
1569
01:22:43,024 --> 01:22:44,469
Balakian, Jeremiah
1570
01:23:22,831 --> 01:23:24,565
I'm sorry you feel that way.
1571
01:23:24,566 --> 01:23:26,934
No, there isn't
an appeals process.
1572
01:23:26,935 --> 01:23:29,603
How wonderful that Elissa
got so many acceptances.
1573
01:23:29,604 --> 01:23:31,982
Harvard and Yale too?
1574
01:23:32,207 --> 01:23:36,343
Listen, I'd love to talk to you
about the financial aid package we could offer.
1575
01:23:36,344 --> 01:23:39,213
No seriously,
I'm so happy too.
1576
01:23:39,214 --> 01:23:41,125
No, you rock.
1577
01:23:42,484 --> 01:23:44,485
Yes,
I know he is a legacy...
1578
01:23:44,486 --> 01:23:46,754
...and I certainly understand
why you would never want to give...
1579
01:23:46,755 --> 01:23:48,928
another penny
to this university ever again.
1580
01:23:50,425 --> 01:23:53,133
Wow.
That is a new one.
1581
01:23:53,461 --> 01:23:56,374
You're our angel on earth
1582
01:23:59,401 --> 01:24:03,850
I hope you get rectal cancer
1583
01:24:10,912 --> 01:24:12,179
Portia Nathan.
1584
01:24:12,180 --> 01:24:14,660
Hey, I have somebody here
who wants to talk to you.
1585
01:24:15,617 --> 01:24:18,118
- I got in.
- Yes, I know.
1586
01:24:18,119 --> 01:24:20,921
This is the best day of my life!
1587
01:24:20,922 --> 01:24:23,368
The best day of your life?
Well that's...
1588
01:24:23,925 --> 01:24:26,667
...good, good,
that's...I'm very happy.
1589
01:24:28,663 --> 01:24:31,398
Look, we're having
a school dance here tonight...
1590
01:24:31,399 --> 01:24:33,845
and I think
you should come and celebrate.
1591
01:24:35,570 --> 01:24:39,573
There you are.
Clarence wants to see you.
1592
01:24:39,574 --> 01:24:42,443
Yes, thank you.
I've been expecting that.
1593
01:24:42,444 --> 01:24:44,720
I have to go.
I'll call you later.
1594
01:24:45,547 --> 01:24:47,652
Have a seal, please.
1595
01:24:58,359 --> 01:25:04,071
- So, I had a call.
- Oh yes?
1596
01:25:04,332 --> 01:25:06,642
From Richard Bolton.
1597
01:25:06,801 --> 01:25:09,042
Class of '81.
1598
01:25:09,137 --> 01:25:11,538
Father of Jesse Bolton.
1599
01:25:11,539 --> 01:25:13,574
Do you recall Jesse Bolton?
1600
01:25:13,575 --> 01:25:14,842
Budding journalist...
1601
01:25:14,843 --> 01:25:18,312
writes for the Boston Globe -
is this coming back?
1602
01:25:18,313 --> 01:25:21,281
I remember Jess Bolton.
We loved Jesse Bolton.
1603
01:25:21,282 --> 01:25:22,683
We accepted Jesse Bolton.
1604
01:25:22,684 --> 01:25:24,027
And yet...
1605
01:25:27,889 --> 01:25:30,357
So I asked for the admit list.
1606
01:25:30,358 --> 01:25:32,759
Looked for Bolton, Jesse.
1607
01:25:32,760 --> 01:25:34,328
No Bolton, Jesse.
1608
01:25:34,329 --> 01:25:38,106
But I did find Balakian, Jeremiah.
1609
01:25:39,601 --> 01:25:44,271
We sent Mr. Balakian an offer of admission,
which he accepted.
1610
01:25:44,272 --> 01:25:45,672
The only thing is...
1611
01:25:45,673 --> 01:25:48,342
I don't remember
making him an offer of admission.
1612
01:25:48,343 --> 01:25:51,916
But I do remember
your plea that we do so.
1613
01:25:52,480 --> 01:25:54,948
You have exposed this office...
1614
01:25:54,949 --> 01:25:58,852
...and the University
to a completely undeserved scandal.
1615
01:25:58,853 --> 01:26:04,667
If word of this were ever to get out,
the damage would be irreparable.
1616
01:26:04,826 --> 01:26:07,329
Well, I won't tell anyone.
1617
01:26:07,862 --> 01:26:11,198
That's right.
You won't.
1618
01:26:11,199 --> 01:26:14,401
What you will do
is submit your resignation...
1619
01:26:14,402 --> 01:26:17,971
...and take this week
to clear up your affairs.
1620
01:26:17,972 --> 01:26:19,315
And then...
1621
01:26:19,807 --> 01:26:23,186
...I don't ever want to see you
in this building again.
1622
01:26:31,352 --> 01:26:32,854
He's going to Yale.
1623
01:26:33,388 --> 01:26:35,026
Jesse Bolton.
1624
01:26:35,590 --> 01:26:38,525
The guidance counselor called me.
We never had a shot at him.
1625
01:26:38,526 --> 01:26:39,596
Yale!
1626
01:26:40,328 --> 01:26:42,129
Well,
that's not the point.
1627
01:26:42,130 --> 01:26:44,398
I assume
you will be standing by the offer?
1628
01:26:44,399 --> 01:26:46,133
Well I don't see
how we can rescind it...
1629
01:26:46,134 --> 01:26:49,102
without the whole thing
blowing up in our faces.
1630
01:26:49,103 --> 01:26:51,310
The whole system
would be questioned.
1631
01:26:52,340 --> 01:26:54,513
We wouldn't
want that to happen.
1632
01:27:12,794 --> 01:27:13,772
Yeah?
1633
01:27:16,297 --> 01:27:19,141
Oh hi,
glad you're here.
1634
01:27:19,968 --> 01:27:22,414
I was just coming down
to the dance.
1635
01:27:29,110 --> 01:27:30,510
- You OK?
- Yeah, why?
1636
01:27:30,511 --> 01:27:33,046
- You just seem kind of intense.
- I'm OK, are you OK?
1637
01:27:33,047 --> 01:27:34,958
Yeah, I'm great.
1638
01:27:36,184 --> 01:27:38,919
I'm supposed
to be chaperoning this dance.
1639
01:27:38,920 --> 01:27:40,695
You're doing a great job.
1640
01:27:58,439 --> 01:28:00,009
You can do this.
1641
01:28:11,953 --> 01:28:13,057
You having fun?
1642
01:28:14,088 --> 01:28:16,223
This is the best day
of my life.
1643
01:28:16,224 --> 01:28:19,000
You have no idea
how happy that makes me feel.
1644
01:28:19,527 --> 01:28:22,838
I want so much for you
to be happy and...
1645
01:28:23,298 --> 01:28:26,142
...for you to have all the things
that you want in life.
1646
01:28:26,501 --> 01:28:27,844
Thanks.
1647
01:28:28,369 --> 01:28:31,972
You know how when you're swinging
on a rope swing across a stream...
1648
01:28:31,973 --> 01:28:33,840
...and you're afraid to jump in
and then you just do?
1649
01:28:33,841 --> 01:28:37,110
No, I'm kind of afraid of heights, so...
1650
01:28:37,111 --> 01:28:38,351
Me too.
That's...
1651
01:28:38,780 --> 01:28:40,418
You and I
have so much in common.
1652
01:28:42,383 --> 01:28:44,363
That's not as odd as it seems.
1653
01:28:47,388 --> 01:28:49,656
Jeremiah,
there's something I want to tell you...
1654
01:28:49,657 --> 01:28:54,163
...and it's going to come
as quite a shock.
1655
01:28:56,397 --> 01:28:58,377
I'm your mother.
1656
01:28:58,800 --> 01:29:01,440
- What?
- Your birth mother.
1657
01:29:03,938 --> 01:29:06,106
I've been trying to figure out
the best time to tell you...
1658
01:29:06,107 --> 01:29:08,075
and I know,
I was speechless loo.
1659
01:29:08,076 --> 01:29:09,316
No, it's not that.
1660
01:29:10,211 --> 01:29:14,047
- It's just...you're not my birth mother.
- Yes, I am.
1661
01:29:14,048 --> 01:29:15,982
And I know this is very sudden
and I don't expect-
1662
01:29:15,983 --> 01:29:19,619
No, my birth mother
is named Janie Schroder and.-.
1663
01:29:19,620 --> 01:29:21,861
She's a hairdresser from Keene.
1664
01:29:22,523 --> 01:29:27,523
And I met her and my half sisters
a couple months ago.
1665
01:29:27,729 --> 01:29:29,996
I put my name in at the adoption agency
and they contacted me-
1666
01:29:29,997 --> 01:29:32,034
No, Jeremiah...
1667
01:29:32,333 --> 01:29:37,333
...you were born on Valentine's Day
at 1pm at Blaine General.
1668
01:29:37,538 --> 01:29:38,905
To me.
1669
01:29:38,906 --> 01:29:41,408
No, I was born at 11pm.
1670
01:29:41,409 --> 01:29:43,944
They said my mom
tried like hell to hold off till the last hour...
1671
01:29:43,945 --> 01:29:46,892
.-.so I wouldn't have some lame
Valentine's Day birthday-.
1672
01:29:47,615 --> 01:29:49,788
It's a copy - see?
1673
01:29:50,585 --> 01:29:53,623
That's an eleven
with one of the ones missing.
1674
01:29:54,355 --> 01:29:56,801
It's faded, you see?
1675
01:30:02,263 --> 01:30:04,731
I never told anybody because I didn't want
my parents to find out.
1676
01:30:04,732 --> 01:30:06,734
I was worried
that it would hurt their feelings.
1677
01:30:07,034 --> 01:30:10,072
And I don't want to hurt them,
because they're my parents.
1678
01:30:10,505 --> 01:30:11,813
Of course.
1679
01:30:13,975 --> 01:30:16,576
This whole time you thought
you were my mother?
1680
01:30:16,577 --> 01:30:17,677
Why didn't you tell me?
1681
01:30:17,678 --> 01:30:21,681
I didn't want anything getting in
the way of you getting into Princeton.
1682
01:30:21,682 --> 01:30:23,049
I'd have to recuse myself.
1683
01:30:23,050 --> 01:30:25,719
So everything you did
was because you thought I was your son?
1684
01:30:25,720 --> 01:30:28,428
No.
I completely believe in you.
1685
01:30:29,924 --> 01:30:31,904
I actually do.
1686
01:30:32,627 --> 01:30:35,198
You were lying to me
the whole time.
1687
01:30:36,831 --> 01:30:38,606
I don't understand.
1688
01:30:40,067 --> 01:30:42,308
I can't tell what's real.
1689
01:30:47,375 --> 01:30:48,683
I don't get it.
1690
01:30:58,920 --> 01:31:01,788
- How did it go?
- 11pm, not 1pm!
1691
01:31:01,789 --> 01:31:03,657
- What?
- Just stay out of my life!
1692
01:31:03,658 --> 01:31:05,763
Or what's left of it.
1693
01:31:10,131 --> 01:31:11,235
Hey!
1694
01:31:11,732 --> 01:31:13,109
Hold on.
1695
01:31:15,136 --> 01:31:19,406
Janie Schroder. A hairdresser.
His mother is a hairdresser.
1696
01:31:19,407 --> 01:31:22,786
What?
No, I read the birth certificate.
1697
01:31:23,211 --> 01:31:26,055
A copy.
A faded copy.
1698
01:31:30,084 --> 01:31:31,791
- Look!
- What?
1699
01:31:32,153 --> 01:31:35,555
Eleven.
That is supposed to be an eleven.
1700
01:31:35,556 --> 01:31:38,592
None of this was true.
This is all a stupid dream.
1701
01:31:38,593 --> 01:31:42,095
This is all in your head
and I just jumped in like a complete idiot.
1702
01:31:42,096 --> 01:31:45,398
I can fix this.
I'll contact adoption services-
1703
01:31:45,399 --> 01:31:46,266
No!
1704
01:31:46,267 --> 01:31:50,170
Do not fix anything!
I don't want to ever see you again!
1705
01:31:50,171 --> 01:31:52,506
Go be a citizen
of the planet!
1706
01:31:52,507 --> 01:31:55,375
I am so glad that you are going to Ecuador
except for one thing.
1707
01:31:55,376 --> 01:31:56,109
What?
1708
01:31:56,110 --> 01:31:59,284
I feel sorry
for the Ecuadorians!
1709
01:32:32,246 --> 01:32:35,955
Hi. Come on in.
You can help me grind sausage.
1710
01:32:36,951 --> 01:32:39,152
I've got something to say,
Susannah.
1711
01:32:39,153 --> 01:32:43,023
Having sex on a train with a stranger
to gel pregnant - really not so great!
1712
01:32:43,024 --> 01:32:44,758
You didn't even ask his name.
1713
01:32:44,759 --> 01:32:47,027
And so I will never know
who my father is.
1714
01:32:47,028 --> 01:32:48,094
Maybe he's in Paris.
1715
01:32:48,095 --> 01:32:49,496
Maybe he's in Hoboken.
1716
01:32:49,497 --> 01:32:50,297
Maybe he's president.
1717
01:32:50,298 --> 01:32:53,066
Obviously not that.
But I'll never know.
1718
01:32:53,067 --> 01:32:56,536
Because you forgot one important thing
on your way to self-empowerment.
1719
01:32:56,537 --> 01:32:57,515
Me!
1720
01:32:58,139 --> 01:33:00,240
Why didn't you ask his name?
1721
01:33:00,241 --> 01:33:03,279
- Why don't you just shut up.
- No, you shut up!
1722
01:33:03,711 --> 01:33:06,313
I got pregnant,
and I had a kid.
1723
01:33:06,314 --> 01:33:09,449
Back in college.
And I gave him up for adoption.
1724
01:33:09,450 --> 01:33:12,586
I wasn't in the Netherlands.
I was living above an auto repair shop.
1725
01:33:12,587 --> 01:33:14,726
Hiding.
From you.
1726
01:33:15,056 --> 01:33:17,190
Because I can't stand you.
1727
01:33:17,191 --> 01:33:19,262
And that's it.
That's all I have to say.
1728
01:33:19,527 --> 01:33:22,633
Except,
gel some goddamn dog food.
1729
01:33:27,835 --> 01:33:30,170
Wait,
Portia! Portia!
1730
01:33:30,171 --> 01:33:32,772
Portia, don't leave!
Don't leave!
1731
01:33:32,773 --> 01:33:35,219
Portia!
Wait, wait!
1732
01:33:39,880 --> 01:33:43,657
I didn't ask the name
of the man on the train because...
1733
01:33:44,685 --> 01:33:48,599
...actually,
I didn't have a grand plan.
1734
01:33:48,723 --> 01:33:50,703
I made all that up.
1735
01:33:51,425 --> 01:33:53,928
It was all an accident.
1736
01:33:55,129 --> 01:33:59,466
A happy accident,
because it led to you.
1737
01:33:59,467 --> 01:34:01,101
Baby, it led to you.
1738
01:34:01,102 --> 01:34:04,404
And I wished so many times
that I could have told you his name.
1739
01:34:04,405 --> 01:34:09,514
It's one of the disappointments of my life
and I am so sorry.
1740
01:34:12,813 --> 01:34:14,588
Please, come back in.
1741
01:34:15,950 --> 01:34:17,588
Mom, I have to go.
1742
01:34:29,397 --> 01:34:30,967
Dad?
1743
01:35:35,696 --> 01:35:36,868
MY car!
1744
01:35:37,231 --> 01:35:39,142
Really?
1745
01:35:49,143 --> 01:35:51,144
What happened?
Are you OK?
1746
01:35:51,145 --> 01:35:52,846
It's a slight fracture.
1747
01:35:52,847 --> 01:35:55,623
Fender bender.
It's dumb.
1748
01:35:58,719 --> 01:36:01,962
I'm sorry,
I mean, about everything.
1749
01:36:02,389 --> 01:36:04,190
I was stupid and selfish.
1750
01:36:04,191 --> 01:36:07,229
A selfish asshole.
And I just wanted to come here and...
1751
01:36:08,662 --> 01:36:10,642
...tell you that I'm sorry.
1752
01:36:14,835 --> 01:36:17,145
Wait.
How's Nelson?
1753
01:36:18,706 --> 01:36:20,440
Good. He's good.
1754
01:36:20,441 --> 01:36:21,818
How's his Spanish?
1755
01:36:22,243 --> 01:36:23,551
Terrible.
1756
01:36:24,512 --> 01:36:26,423
Is he ready for Ecuador?
1757
01:36:27,448 --> 01:36:29,449
We're not going to Ecuador.
1758
01:36:29,450 --> 01:36:32,519
- You're not?
- No. I passed on that job.
1759
01:36:32,520 --> 01:36:34,659
Nelson wanted to stay put and...
1760
01:36:35,322 --> 01:36:38,030
...you know,
I finally realized that...
1761
01:36:38,559 --> 01:36:40,760
...I want him to be happy.
1762
01:36:40,761 --> 01:36:43,503
So this decision, right now...
1763
01:36:44,031 --> 01:36:46,011
...I'm going to let him make it.
1764
01:36:47,601 --> 01:36:49,842
Nelson really likes you.
1765
01:36:50,805 --> 01:36:53,039
Nelson likes me
because I'm so boring.
1766
01:36:53,040 --> 01:36:55,141
- You're not boring.
- I'm pretty boring.
1767
01:36:55,142 --> 01:36:56,810
You're not boring.
1768
01:36:56,811 --> 01:36:58,620
I think you're exquisite.
1769
01:37:04,351 --> 01:37:06,729
- You want to go out sometime?
- Yes.
1770
01:37:07,421 --> 01:37:10,290
- I mean with me.
- Oh- Yes-.
1771
01:37:10,291 --> 01:37:11,424
Good.
1772
01:37:11,425 --> 01:37:13,960
I thought it was important
to acknowledge that it's maybe-
1773
01:37:13,961 --> 01:37:14,828
It's good to clarify.
1774
01:37:14,829 --> 01:37:16,069
I think so.
1775
01:37:18,399 --> 01:37:19,377
NO ADMITTANCE
1776
01:37:21,669 --> 01:37:23,239
Portia Nathan?
1777
01:37:25,472 --> 01:37:28,180
So, tell me about yourself-.
1778
01:37:28,676 --> 01:37:32,783
I worked in college admissions
for sixteen years.
1779
01:37:33,047 --> 01:37:36,316
I used to spend my days
passing judgment...
1780
01:37:36,317 --> 01:37:41,824
...on young people who were
way more together than I was at their age.
1781
01:37:42,590 --> 01:37:45,191
I'm figuring out
what I want to do next.
1782
01:37:45,192 --> 01:37:47,894
I've been living at my mom's place
for the last two months.
1783
01:37:47,895 --> 01:37:50,000
I thought
that would drive me insane but...
1784
01:37:50,064 --> 01:37:54,467
...actually, we're going to be throwing a graduation
party for a kid who I thought was my son.
1785
01:37:54,468 --> 01:37:56,106
He's a great kid.
1786
01:37:57,304 --> 01:38:00,751
I killed my bonsai tree
by over trimming it.
1787
01:38:03,644 --> 01:38:08,644
I got pregnant in college and my boyfriend
had already dumped me for someone else.
1788
01:38:08,916 --> 01:38:11,951
I didn't realize
until I was very far along...
1789
01:38:11,952 --> 01:38:15,488
...and I didn't think
I could be a mother.
1790
01:38:15,489 --> 01:38:16,356
Ever.
1791
01:38:16,357 --> 01:38:17,223
Portia?
1792
01:38:17,224 --> 01:38:19,932
Did you mean it
when you said I could do this?
1793
01:38:20,728 --> 01:38:23,106
Yes.
I meant it.
1794
01:38:23,898 --> 01:38:27,471
- Thanks.
- You're going to do great there.
1795
01:38:27,768 --> 01:38:32,305
My boy, if you are truly outstanding
you'll probably be kicked out of there after one term.
1796
01:38:32,306 --> 01:38:34,173
- Cut it out, Vlad.
- Excuse me.
1797
01:38:34,174 --> 01:38:36,609
Don't listen to him.
Did you decide what your major is?
1798
01:38:36,610 --> 01:38:38,283
Philosophy, love.
1799
01:38:39,647 --> 01:38:41,547
Not philosophy,
women's studies.
1800
01:38:41,548 --> 01:38:43,323
You know, that's
enough philosophy.
1801
01:38:44,118 --> 01:38:46,719
And if your biological son
chooses to contact you'?
1802
01:38:46,720 --> 01:38:47,453
How would you feel?
1803
01:38:47,454 --> 01:38:48,899
I would feel...
1804
01:38:49,757 --> 01:38:53,026
...nervous, but...
1805
01:38:53,027 --> 01:38:56,496
...lucky.
I would feel lucky.
1806
01:38:56,497 --> 01:39:00,172
I would just be grateful
to get to know him.
1807
01:39:00,534 --> 01:39:04,203
I overwalered it too.
The bonsai.
1808
01:39:04,204 --> 01:39:06,439
I just drowned it.
1809
01:39:06,440 --> 01:39:07,640
- It's OK.
- OK.
1810
01:39:07,641 --> 01:39:09,621
I can't promise anything...
1811
01:39:09,843 --> 01:39:13,757
.-.but we'll contact you
if there's any news.
1812
01:39:14,415 --> 01:39:15,548
OK.
1813
01:39:15,549 --> 01:39:16,449
Hey!
1814
01:39:16,450 --> 01:39:19,727
Hey.
It's a thin envelope.
1815
01:39:21,555 --> 01:39:23,330
That doesn't mean anything.
1816
01:39:24,758 --> 01:39:26,328
Open it.
1817
01:39:39,807 --> 01:39:42,788
It says he's not ready
to meet me at this time.
1818
01:39:45,779 --> 01:39:49,818
OK.
Well then...
1819
01:39:50,150 --> 01:39:52,391
You're on the waitlist.
1820
01:39:53,287 --> 01:39:55,421
That's not so bad.
1821
01:39:55,422 --> 01:39:58,460
No, it's not.
Right.
1822
01:40:07,668 --> 01:40:10,512
Hey Portia.
Everything OK?
1823
01:40:11,071 --> 01:40:12,243
Yes.
1824
01:40:21,648 --> 01:40:23,821
What's the secret
to getting in'?
1825
01:40:24,418 --> 01:40:25,863
I can't tell you.
1826
01:40:26,520 --> 01:40:29,160
You have to find out
for yourself.