1 00:00:00,467 --> 00:00:02,515 Wear a fanny pack, drive a Prius, 2 00:00:02,677 --> 00:00:05,021 attach electronic devices to your belt, whatever it takes. 3 00:00:05,096 --> 00:00:06,393 And if you find yourself forced to talk to a woman, 4 00:00:06,473 --> 00:00:08,191 quickly find a way to mention the fact that you're married. 5 00:00:08,266 --> 00:00:09,267 It doesn't even have to make sense. 6 00:00:09,434 --> 00:00:12,404 Hi, how are you? Nice weather today. He's totally fucking married. 7 00:00:14,356 --> 00:00:16,233 So I can't sleep with my wife, I can't sleep with other women? 8 00:00:16,316 --> 00:00:17,317 What the hell is that? 9 00:00:17,567 --> 00:00:18,784 Marriage. 10 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,032 I think that's everything. 11 00:00:24,199 --> 00:00:25,371 You got any more questions? 12 00:00:25,533 --> 00:00:26,785 Do you ever have any free time? 13 00:00:26,952 --> 00:00:28,454 Have you listened to a single word I've said? 14 00:00:28,620 --> 00:00:29,963 There is no free time. 15 00:00:30,121 --> 00:00:31,998 And at the end of the day, do you know what you get? 16 00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:34,884 A fucking gun with a bullet to blow my head off with? 17 00:00:35,043 --> 00:00:36,090 Sometimes you wish. 18 00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:37,170 (KNOCK AT DOOR) 19 00:00:38,046 --> 00:00:39,047 Hi. 20 00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:41,720 SABRINA: Did you hear the good news? 21 00:00:41,883 --> 00:00:44,887 Kinkabe and Amalgamated agreed to go into binding mediation in two days. 22 00:00:45,053 --> 00:00:47,431 Hold up. What do you mean? Two days? 23 00:00:49,808 --> 00:00:52,231 So, I'll have my briefs on your desk by lunch. 24 00:00:52,394 --> 00:00:54,021 That puts my balls on your chin by dinner. 25 00:00:54,813 --> 00:00:59,819 That, right there, is Schedule IV sexual harassment. 26 00:00:59,985 --> 00:01:01,032 Awesome! 27 00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:02,241 I'm sorry, have we met? 28 00:01:03,321 --> 00:01:06,200 No, we haven't. I'm Mitch Planko. 29 00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:07,492 Hi, Sabrina McKay. 30 00:01:07,659 --> 00:01:08,706 Hey, Sabrina. 31 00:01:09,619 --> 00:01:11,121 Hold on. 32 00:01:11,579 --> 00:01:13,001 You two guys should go out. What? 33 00:01:13,164 --> 00:01:15,292 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man! 34 00:01:15,458 --> 00:01:17,176 DAVE: Please stop. MITCH: You two guys need to go out. 35 00:01:17,335 --> 00:01:19,303 Absolutely, you two should go out. 36 00:01:19,462 --> 00:01:21,635 You're so single, Mitch, right? 37 00:01:21,798 --> 00:01:25,473 And you're so fucking white-hot, right? This body. 38 00:01:25,635 --> 00:01:27,262 Did you do a lot of swimming in college? 39 00:01:27,429 --> 00:01:29,272 Don't answer that. You bet she did. 40 00:01:29,431 --> 00:01:30,853 Oh, my God, you guys need to go out, 41 00:01:31,016 --> 00:01:32,518 have a nice steak dinner, do some dancing, 42 00:01:32,684 --> 00:01:35,733 go to a Korean nightclub, get a belly full of pills. 43 00:01:35,895 --> 00:01:37,738 I don't know what you're into, but just have some fun. 44 00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:41,527 What about Ecco on 7th Street, Saturday at 8:3O? 45 00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:43,449 Great? Great! 46 00:01:43,611 --> 00:01:45,454 He's totally free, so he's going to meet you there. 47 00:01:45,613 --> 00:01:46,830 Don't fuck on the roof, though. 48 00:01:46,990 --> 00:01:49,368 That place has got this non-resin tar 49 00:01:49,451 --> 00:01:51,044 that's a bastard to wash off. 50 00:01:51,202 --> 00:01:53,375 So, just oral. 51 00:01:53,705 --> 00:01:54,957 Yes, you're thinking about it. 52 00:01:55,123 --> 00:01:56,215 She's in. 53 00:01:56,374 --> 00:01:57,796 This is good. 54 00:01:57,959 --> 00:02:00,382 You're going to get me fired! I swear to God. 55 00:02:00,545 --> 00:02:02,923 Shut it down. For one second, you listen to me. 56 00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:04,511 For the first time in your life, 57 00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:06,593 you're fucking good-looking, okay? 58 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,479 You're single, you got the right number of fucking balls in that bag, 59 00:02:09,637 --> 00:02:12,140 and you got the opportunity to nail number one on your cancer list. 60 00:02:12,307 --> 00:02:13,524 I can't do that. I'm not doing it. 61 00:02:13,683 --> 00:02:16,903 You need this! This is fucking dinner with her! 62 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:19,363 This is so good. 63 00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:21,782 I mean, what's going on between us, 64 00:02:21,941 --> 00:02:24,410 it's just crazy, crazy. 65 00:02:24,569 --> 00:02:26,992 Here's what's crazier, not using it. (EXHALES) 66 00:02:27,155 --> 00:02:29,283 Not using it on her. 67 00:02:29,741 --> 00:02:31,618 You use it for her, you use it for you, 68 00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:33,753 and maybe a little bit for me, you know? 69 00:02:33,995 --> 00:02:35,212 Remind yourself of that. Remind yourself 70 00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:38,087 of the big, fucking crater you created right there on Tuesday night. 71 00:02:38,208 --> 00:02:39,630 Oh, the Tuesday night, again. I could use that. 72 00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:41,219 She'd fit perfectly in there. Will you please drop that? 73 00:02:41,336 --> 00:02:43,759 Every day with the Tuesday night! Well, it's a big goddamn deal! 74 00:02:43,838 --> 00:02:45,840 You fucked me! You owe me! Respect my life! 75 00:02:45,924 --> 00:02:47,141 Respect mine. 76 00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:48,847 Yeah, you respect your life. 77 00:02:49,719 --> 00:02:51,266 Fine! I am proud of you. 78 00:02:51,429 --> 00:02:53,523 Just promise me, you listened to every word I said. 79 00:02:53,681 --> 00:02:55,228 I heard everything. Every single syllable, you got it? 80 00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:56,689 Did you hear everything I said? 81 00:02:56,851 --> 00:02:59,479 Caught a few things. Yeah, just enough. 82 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:01,781 You betcha. You go have a good time, little girl. 83 00:03:01,856 --> 00:03:05,201 I got your life all put away here, nice and safe. 84 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:06,407 (PHONE RINGING) Answer my phone. 85 00:03:07,070 --> 00:03:08,071 Hello. 86 00:03:08,238 --> 00:03:09,410 Hi, Mitch Planko. 87 00:03:09,572 --> 00:03:11,119 Bingo! Who the fuck is this? 88 00:03:11,282 --> 00:03:12,329 What? 89 00:03:13,076 --> 00:03:14,328 Dad? Hello? 90 00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:16,171 (STAMMERING) 91 00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:18,957 Is this Mitch's dad? Is this Mitch, Sr? 92 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:22,920 Dave? Hi, this is Dave Lockwood. 93 00:03:23,086 --> 00:03:24,429 Why are you calling me? 94 00:03:24,587 --> 00:03:27,636 I just wondered if we can get together for a little while today. 95 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,604 Boy, it's a work day. Half an hour. 96 00:03:33,763 --> 00:03:37,484 I look different. I don't like my outfit today. 97 00:03:37,642 --> 00:03:39,110 Dave, half an hour. 98 00:03:39,644 --> 00:03:41,487 Mitch, Sr. wants to sit down with Dave Lockwood. 99 00:03:41,646 --> 00:03:43,148 Yeah. Why? 100 00:03:44,065 --> 00:03:46,238 I need to talk to you about Mitch. 101 00:03:46,443 --> 00:03:48,662 (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) 102 00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:51,699 Hello. 103 00:03:52,115 --> 00:03:53,492 Dave. How are you? 104 00:03:53,658 --> 00:03:54,625 Good, thank you. 105 00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:57,545 What are we doing here? When was the last time the two of us saw each other? 106 00:03:57,620 --> 00:03:59,714 I don't care. Listen. 107 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:02,922 I'm getting married to a very beautiful woman named Pamela. 108 00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:04,426 Her name's Pamela? Yes. 109 00:04:04,586 --> 00:04:06,884 Wow, you can say "I do" in English this time. 110 00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:09,344 What? Is Pamela from America? 111 00:04:09,424 --> 00:04:10,550 Yes. 112 00:04:10,633 --> 00:04:11,805 Anyway... 113 00:04:12,510 --> 00:04:14,137 I'm not going to have anybody there. 114 00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:16,689 The only family I have is Mitch. 115 00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:19,225 I went to his apartment a couple of days ago 116 00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:22,066 and told him that Pamela would like him 117 00:04:22,145 --> 00:04:23,442 to say a few words at the wedding 118 00:04:23,605 --> 00:04:24,697 and that wasn't true. 119 00:04:24,856 --> 00:04:27,029 Truth of the matter is, I would like him to say a few words, 120 00:04:27,192 --> 00:04:29,615 if he could find it in his heart to do so. 121 00:04:32,322 --> 00:04:33,665 I don't know why you don't tell him yourself. 122 00:04:33,823 --> 00:04:35,917 That is a very nice thing for a son to hear. 123 00:04:37,785 --> 00:04:39,287 So, you want me to go tell Mitch 124 00:04:39,370 --> 00:04:40,747 that you would like him at the wedding. 125 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,507 He's going to say, "Why the hell does 126 00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:44,209 "he want me there? He thinks I'm an idiot." 127 00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:47,007 Well, that's not totally true. 128 00:04:47,170 --> 00:04:49,798 I think he's got some nice qualities. 129 00:04:49,964 --> 00:04:52,558 I think he's got some problem areas, too. 130 00:04:52,717 --> 00:04:53,684 What are those? 131 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,478 You're his friend, you know him as well as I do. 132 00:04:55,637 --> 00:04:57,514 You probably know him better than I do. He's a quitter! 133 00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:59,557 He has never finished anything in his life. 134 00:04:59,724 --> 00:05:01,522 He picks up something, he puts it down. 135 00:05:01,684 --> 00:05:04,028 He's good at it for five minutes, and it's gone. 136 00:05:04,187 --> 00:05:06,861 He's flaccid. No gumption. No get-up-and-go. 137 00:05:07,023 --> 00:05:10,027 His accomplishments could rest comfortably on an eyelash. 138 00:05:10,193 --> 00:05:12,116 Oh, he'd probably say, "Fuck you ," if he heard you say that. 139 00:05:12,278 --> 00:05:14,076 Well, maybe he would and maybe he wouldn't. 140 00:05:14,239 --> 00:05:16,082 But I want him to be part of my life. 141 00:05:16,241 --> 00:05:19,620 With all due respect, Mr. Planko, you don't know Mitch. 142 00:05:21,037 --> 00:05:22,960 What you don't realize about him 143 00:05:23,039 --> 00:05:24,757 is that he's a fucking Jedi! 144 00:05:25,208 --> 00:05:27,506 A what? He's a Jedi Knight, sir. 145 00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:31,389 And next time you see him, he's going to be slitting throats. 146 00:05:35,468 --> 00:05:37,095 (CAR ALARM BEEPS) 147 00:05:41,349 --> 00:05:42,350 Fuck! 148 00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:55,197 I'm not a fucking quitter! 149 00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:58,912 (ENGINE REVS) 150 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,619 (TIRES SCREECHING) 151 00:06:03,288 --> 00:06:04,665 (BABY CRYING) 152 00:06:06,291 --> 00:06:07,793 All right, let's do this. 153 00:06:09,586 --> 00:06:10,758 Good morning, Patty-cakes. 154 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,672 Daddy needs a box set of Law & Order, 155 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:14,716 three meatball subs and a hand-folded, 156 00:06:14,799 --> 00:06:16,597 24-inch samurai sword, chop-chop. 157 00:06:18,469 --> 00:06:19,470 What are you doing? 158 00:06:19,637 --> 00:06:21,935 I got this one. I got it. 159 00:06:22,098 --> 00:06:23,190 Back to bed. 160 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:28,113 (TIRES SCREECHING) 161 00:06:28,271 --> 00:06:30,023 (SQUEALING) 162 00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:42,497 MAN: You are in dire financial need! 163 00:06:42,660 --> 00:06:43,752 Objection! 164 00:06:43,995 --> 00:06:45,167 (EXCLAIMING) 165 00:06:45,246 --> 00:06:46,247 Sustained. 166 00:06:46,331 --> 00:06:47,583 (YELLING) 167 00:06:53,421 --> 00:06:54,422 (BOTH cRYING) 168 00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:55,632 (SCREAMS) 169 00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,271 (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) 170 00:07:10,647 --> 00:07:11,899 Excuse me. 171 00:07:20,156 --> 00:07:21,157 Hi. 172 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,002 Fuck me, she's cute. 173 00:07:36,506 --> 00:07:37,803 Here comes the battement. 174 00:07:43,805 --> 00:07:45,057 (ALL GASPING) 175 00:07:45,223 --> 00:07:47,351 Fucking nice, Cara! 176 00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:48,685 Sweet! 177 00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:50,103 (WHOOPING) 178 00:07:50,228 --> 00:07:52,777 That bitch bounced. Beautiful! 179 00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:56,068 Man alive! That's my daughter, bitches! 180 00:07:56,484 --> 00:07:58,361 Dad's very proud. Keep going. 181 00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:05,543 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) 182 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,499 MITCH: Oh, I mean, what did we learn from this? 183 00:08:10,915 --> 00:08:12,758 Always solve my problems with violence. 184 00:08:12,917 --> 00:08:15,511 That's bingo, baby! Five, up high. 185 00:08:15,878 --> 00:08:16,879 No! Yes! 186 00:08:17,046 --> 00:08:18,639 No, that is not the lesson that we learned, Cara. 187 00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:19,845 It is! 188 00:08:20,007 --> 00:08:21,680 Violence is cool. 189 00:08:21,843 --> 00:08:23,641 Dave. Kidding. 190 00:08:24,387 --> 00:08:25,604 I'm not kidding. 191 00:08:30,893 --> 00:08:33,021 She did make a pretty funny sound, though, 192 00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,194 when she hit the ground like that. Yes, she did! 193 00:08:36,482 --> 00:08:38,234 But don't make a habit out of that, okay? 194 00:08:38,401 --> 00:08:40,369 I know. All right. 195 00:08:43,781 --> 00:08:45,829 I love you, Daddy. 196 00:08:49,871 --> 00:08:51,873 I love you, little girl. 197 00:08:59,297 --> 00:09:00,423 MITCH: Hey. 198 00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:03,847 That ass looks real hot, you know. 199 00:09:04,051 --> 00:09:05,177 You like my ass? 200 00:09:05,386 --> 00:09:07,514 Yeah. Tight as a drum. 201 00:09:08,514 --> 00:09:10,858 Wouldn't mind putting my drumstick in it. 202 00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:15,856 Ooh! Really? Ha. Keep going. (CHUCKLES) 203 00:09:15,938 --> 00:09:17,611 I like how big and fat those tits have gotten. 204 00:09:18,733 --> 00:09:22,112 This little calf wants to get her mouth on the udders. 205 00:09:22,361 --> 00:09:27,709 And I think that I want you to fuck me like you just got out of jail. 206 00:09:28,075 --> 00:09:29,076 Roger that. 207 00:09:29,327 --> 00:09:31,955 And you don't even have to go down on me because I know it's late. 208 00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:34,378 Appreciate it. All right, turn around. 209 00:09:34,457 --> 00:09:36,175 Oh! What are you doing? Here we go. 210 00:09:36,334 --> 00:09:38,462 What do you mean? I thought you said you wanted to have some sex. 211 00:09:38,544 --> 00:09:42,219 Yeah, but not like two dudes at a rest stop, okay? 212 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:46,890 Okay, I got it. Want to go grab me three Q-tips? 213 00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:50,102 How about we just do what we always do? 214 00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:56,150 What, do you mean with a lot of eye-Contact and real personal? 215 00:09:56,270 --> 00:09:57,396 Uh-huh. Come here. I love you. 216 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:58,948 Yeah. Oh, don't say that. 217 00:09:59,023 --> 00:10:00,366 Let's not... How about no talking, okay? 218 00:10:00,441 --> 00:10:02,569 We can do some silent sex. Seriously. 219 00:10:03,069 --> 00:10:04,571 Kiss me. No, no, no. No talking. 220 00:10:04,695 --> 00:10:07,448 All right, let me kiss a shoulder first. Okay? Okay. 221 00:10:07,698 --> 00:10:09,746 There you go. Where's that hand going? 222 00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,703 Hello! Did you shave your balls? 223 00:10:14,497 --> 00:10:17,171 Who doesn't love a couple of smooth criminals? 224 00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:19,594 Is that why there was all that pubic hair in the drain? 225 00:10:20,461 --> 00:10:23,465 I would bet, yeah. Why are you still soft? 226 00:10:23,548 --> 00:10:27,098 I don't know. Can we try the no-talking for just, like, three minutes? 227 00:10:27,176 --> 00:10:28,302 That's all it's gonna take, okay? 228 00:10:28,386 --> 00:10:30,684 Let's do it like we did it on our wedding night. 229 00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:33,812 No, no, no. Jamie, what are you talking about, our fucking wedding night? 230 00:10:33,891 --> 00:10:36,064 God! I can't do this! Why not? 231 00:10:36,143 --> 00:10:38,020 I cannot believe I can't do this! 232 00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:40,448 What the hell is happening? God damn it! 233 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:43,447 What? 234 00:10:48,197 --> 00:10:49,323 You don't want to have sex with me? 235 00:10:49,407 --> 00:10:50,624 Yeah, I want to have sex with you. 236 00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:52,873 I've wanted to have sex with you since the sixth grade! 237 00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:54,875 I mean, you should be a mess by now, 238 00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:56,581 but things are not... Well, let's do it! 239 00:10:57,665 --> 00:10:58,917 (SIGHS) This is new. 240 00:11:01,002 --> 00:11:02,003 Sorry, Jamie. 241 00:11:02,587 --> 00:11:05,090 I think I'm in over my head. 242 00:11:05,172 --> 00:11:07,516 I think I'm way in over my head. I got this fucking house, 243 00:11:07,592 --> 00:11:09,811 and a job, and a family. 244 00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:12,730 I've got you, I've got the Kids, and I've got a fucking carpool. And rules! 245 00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:15,979 I've got these fucking rules, half of which I don't even understand. 246 00:11:16,058 --> 00:11:19,653 This is impossible. I don't know how to be this man. 247 00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:21,651 I'm sorry. 248 00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:27,578 Sorry. That's okay. 249 00:11:28,237 --> 00:11:29,489 That's okay. 250 00:11:31,574 --> 00:11:32,700 Come here. 251 00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:43,044 Yeah, it's fantastic in here. 252 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,594 It's very warm. I think I remember this. 253 00:11:48,382 --> 00:11:49,383 Mmm-hmm. 254 00:11:49,467 --> 00:11:51,094 (EXHALES HEAVILY) 255 00:11:55,681 --> 00:11:56,853 Dave Lockwood. 256 00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:00,270 Mitch! Where the hell are you? 257 00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:03,027 It's been two days. I gotta know what's going on with Jamie. 258 00:12:03,105 --> 00:12:04,322 Call me back. 259 00:12:05,733 --> 00:12:07,155 What the hell is he doing? 260 00:12:09,111 --> 00:12:11,580 (WOMAN TALKING ON PA) 261 00:12:12,907 --> 00:12:15,035 Mitch. Hi. 262 00:12:16,118 --> 00:12:17,540 Jamie. What are you doing here? 263 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,669 I come here every Saturday after yoga. What are you doing here? 264 00:12:21,165 --> 00:12:25,295 I am plowing the crap out of this chick around the corner, 265 00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,346 and now we're gonna have dinner. We're gonna make some scallops, 266 00:12:27,421 --> 00:12:30,391 and then it's going to get ugly. This chick is a mess. 267 00:12:30,633 --> 00:12:32,635 Why do you have to talk like that? You have such a sweet side. 268 00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:34,812 You should let people into your sweet side. 269 00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:38,065 Yeah. Listen, I wanted to ask you something. 270 00:12:38,349 --> 00:12:41,228 The other night, you were in a pretty dark place. 271 00:12:41,310 --> 00:12:42,311 Oh, yeah. I know. 272 00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:43,442 How's that going with Dave? 273 00:12:43,521 --> 00:12:44,738 Is he treating you a little bit better? 274 00:12:44,814 --> 00:12:46,566 Yeah. He's been very sweet. 275 00:12:47,108 --> 00:12:50,237 Really open and communicative... Good. 276 00:12:50,319 --> 00:12:52,447 He held my hand all night while we slept last night. 277 00:12:52,530 --> 00:12:53,656 Attaboy! 278 00:12:54,073 --> 00:12:55,871 Did you tell Dave to shave his balls? 279 00:12:57,326 --> 00:12:58,373 Uh... 280 00:12:58,869 --> 00:13:00,792 Don't act like you didn't tell him. I know it came from you. 281 00:13:00,871 --> 00:13:03,169 Don't be a bad influence on him. 282 00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:04,922 I though you two might like that. 283 00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:08,421 No, I don't like that. It needs some coverage. 284 00:13:08,629 --> 00:13:10,427 Yeah, I'll tell him to grow it out. 285 00:13:11,132 --> 00:13:12,850 It was really great seeing you. You okay? 286 00:13:13,134 --> 00:13:16,729 I'm good. In fact, I'm much... Much better now. 287 00:13:16,804 --> 00:13:18,056 Good. Yeah. 288 00:13:18,139 --> 00:13:19,356 Okay. All right. 289 00:13:25,104 --> 00:13:27,527 (ALARM CLOCK RINGING) 290 00:13:31,777 --> 00:13:33,404 (GRUNTS) 291 00:13:37,783 --> 00:13:39,376 (GROANS) 292 00:13:40,911 --> 00:13:41,878 (EXHALES FORCEFULLY) 293 00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:42,955 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 294 00:13:43,039 --> 00:13:44,916 Okay, I'm awake. 295 00:13:56,594 --> 00:13:57,686 Fuck it. 296 00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:04,143 (PARTS) 297 00:14:05,686 --> 00:14:07,279 (LOUD PLOP) 298 00:14:07,438 --> 00:14:08,860 (CHUCKLES) 299 00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:13,657 MAN: Hello, I'm trying to find... Oh, come on! 300 00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:16,493 Look, bring it to me in the office. I don't care. 301 00:14:16,655 --> 00:14:18,407 Relax, I'll be there. Yes, sir. 302 00:14:18,741 --> 00:14:21,164 Just look at... This is important. Taxi! 303 00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:26,333 (LAUGHING LOUDLY) 304 00:14:33,714 --> 00:14:35,842 (CHEERING) 305 00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:37,601 Thank you. 306 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,182 Thank you, America. 307 00:14:49,855 --> 00:14:51,402 ALL: Whoa! 308 00:15:12,253 --> 00:15:13,379 (SIGHS) 309 00:15:16,423 --> 00:15:18,096 I've got my eye on you! 310 00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:20,512 (GIRL SQUEALING) 311 00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,273 (SCREAMING) 312 00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:27,689 (LAUGHING) 313 00:15:32,690 --> 00:15:34,237 (TELEPHONE RINGING) 314 00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:36,781 Go for Lockwood. 315 00:15:36,861 --> 00:15:38,534 Mitch, I'm panicking over here. 316 00:15:38,612 --> 00:15:40,285 I haven't been on a date in 18 years. 317 00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:42,575 I'm drowning in my own fear. 318 00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:44,084 Relax and calm down. 319 00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:47,042 Don't tell me to relax! You did this to me. I can't do it, okay? 320 00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:48,915 Don't move, I'll be right there. 321 00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:52,631 Mitch? 322 00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:53,919 Hey. 323 00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:55,592 How do I look? 324 00:15:57,464 --> 00:15:59,933 Just grow a mustache and lure a child into your van. 325 00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:01,435 Where did you find that shit? 326 00:16:01,719 --> 00:16:03,096 The back of your closet. 327 00:16:03,262 --> 00:16:04,764 Put it back! 328 00:16:05,097 --> 00:16:06,440 These are called jeans. 329 00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,317 They've been popular with America's youth for over 60 years. 330 00:16:08,475 --> 00:16:11,775 Jeans to a restaurant? Yeah, jeans to a restaurant. 331 00:16:11,937 --> 00:16:12,984 Look who else can hit. 332 00:16:13,147 --> 00:16:15,241 In order to feel confident, you got to look good, okay? 333 00:16:15,316 --> 00:16:16,784 This is a vest, put that on. 334 00:16:17,651 --> 00:16:20,074 Okay, this is called gel or product. 335 00:16:20,237 --> 00:16:21,705 Too little, you look like a pedophile, 336 00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:23,578 too much and you look Persian. 337 00:16:23,741 --> 00:16:25,334 Mitch, I have done everything that you have asked of me. 338 00:16:25,409 --> 00:16:27,537 I got the jeans on, I got the vest, the gel in my hair... 339 00:16:27,661 --> 00:16:29,004 You look great. ... but I am not going to do this. 340 00:16:28,996 --> 00:16:30,794 Yes, you are going to do this. Why do I have to do this? 341 00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:32,549 Because it shows that you're considerate, 342 00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,423 that you're clean, that you're American. 343 00:16:34,585 --> 00:16:36,838 Why do you even care? It's my body! 344 00:16:37,004 --> 00:16:38,176 It's my body right now! 345 00:16:38,339 --> 00:16:40,182 I'm scared! 346 00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:42,684 There, we have it. 347 00:16:42,968 --> 00:16:45,187 Nobody ever needs to know that this happened, Mitch. 348 00:16:46,096 --> 00:16:47,769 (SHAVER BUZZING) 349 00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:53,480 Boy, real tempting to kiss my own dick. 350 00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:54,647 Ah, that tickles. 351 00:16:54,813 --> 00:16:56,690 Shh, you're jiggling the sac. 352 00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:59,034 Oh, you're going to go all the way back there, huh? 353 00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:00,949 We're going to dinner, not Rio. 354 00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:03,330 AH right. You got any extra batteries? 355 00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:06,208 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 356 00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:25,310 Hi. 357 00:17:25,386 --> 00:17:26,729 Mitch. How are you? 358 00:17:28,889 --> 00:17:30,562 (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Okay. 359 00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:33,148 So... (CLEARS THROAT) 360 00:17:36,563 --> 00:17:37,564 What the weather? 361 00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:40,071 Listen, the only reason I'm here 362 00:17:40,150 --> 00:17:41,527 is because my boss told me to be. 363 00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:43,908 This is not a date. This is not a "get to know you." 364 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,123 This is just me trying to save my job. 365 00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:48,079 I'm going to go. 366 00:17:48,242 --> 00:17:49,334 Just sit the fuck back down. 367 00:17:49,493 --> 00:17:52,497 I showered, I showed up, I'm starving and I could use a drink. 368 00:17:54,081 --> 00:17:55,549 How long have you known Dave? 369 00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:58,010 My whole life, actually. 370 00:17:58,168 --> 00:18:00,387 And have you ever seen him act like he did yesterday? 371 00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:01,923 Like a super-douche? 372 00:18:02,339 --> 00:18:03,886 (LAUGHS) BOTH: Yeah. 373 00:18:04,049 --> 00:18:05,676 Uh, I have, at times. 374 00:18:05,843 --> 00:18:09,063 But I'm really hoping that he didn't say anything to offend you. 375 00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:10,222 He totally did. 376 00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:13,233 But I like being offended, just usually after work. 377 00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:14,310 Wow. 378 00:18:14,393 --> 00:18:16,270 Here's the bottle you ordered, sir. Excellent. 379 00:18:16,437 --> 00:18:17,529 Mmm-mmm, send that shit back. 380 00:18:17,688 --> 00:18:19,440 Bring us two Macallan 25s, neat. 381 00:18:19,606 --> 00:18:21,404 Right away, ma'am. Right away. 382 00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:23,569 So, let me ask you something. 383 00:18:23,944 --> 00:18:24,945 It's a question. 384 00:18:26,238 --> 00:18:27,535 How do you like working with Dave? 385 00:18:27,698 --> 00:18:28,745 How is he? 386 00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:31,744 I love it. 387 00:18:32,202 --> 00:18:33,704 I mean, he's a brilliant lawyer. 388 00:18:34,121 --> 00:18:36,089 He's the best. 389 00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:42,922 (CHUCKLES) Actually, if you must know, 390 00:18:43,922 --> 00:18:46,926 I used to kind of have a crush on Dave. 391 00:18:48,093 --> 00:18:51,643 (CRINGES) Oh, no, you didn't! 392 00:18:52,556 --> 00:18:53,523 (BOTH LAUGHING) You're funny. 393 00:18:53,599 --> 00:18:55,397 I mean, obviously, he's married, so... 394 00:18:55,559 --> 00:18:58,563 Right, obviously, obviously, obviously. 395 00:18:59,104 --> 00:19:00,731 Super-married. What do you do, Mitch? 396 00:19:00,814 --> 00:19:02,612 Me? For a living? Yeah. 397 00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:05,403 You know, I am... 398 00:19:07,738 --> 00:19:08,785 I... 399 00:19:10,115 --> 00:19:12,994 When I'm not eating hummus and ferociously masturbating, 400 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,504 I dabble in light porn. 401 00:19:15,913 --> 00:19:18,086 I hear that's a growth industry. Yeah! 402 00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:20,092 I'm just going to get everything on the dessert menu. 403 00:19:20,250 --> 00:19:22,753 I'm going to order, like, six desserts. 404 00:19:26,173 --> 00:19:27,641 Oh, my God. 405 00:19:33,138 --> 00:19:34,515 No, no, no! (LAUGHING) 406 00:19:37,684 --> 00:19:39,277 Do I have anything in my teeth? 407 00:19:39,895 --> 00:19:41,488 (BOTH LAUGHING) 408 00:19:42,481 --> 00:19:43,949 DAVE: That's a lot of sugar. 409 00:19:44,108 --> 00:19:45,985 Yeah. A lot of scotch! (EXHALES FORCEFULLY) 410 00:19:46,151 --> 00:19:48,700 Yeah. That was a lot of fun, is what it really was. 411 00:19:48,862 --> 00:19:51,206 Was? What, are we done? 412 00:19:51,365 --> 00:19:52,662 It's only 2:00! 413 00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,827 No! I'm just messing with you. 414 00:19:55,994 --> 00:19:57,462 (LAUGHING) No, let's... 415 00:19:57,621 --> 00:19:59,669 We'll go to a rave or something. You want to get raving? 416 00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:01,334 People raving right now? 417 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,798 Let's rave! Yeah. 418 00:20:03,961 --> 00:20:05,508 I forgot about raves! 419 00:20:05,671 --> 00:20:07,844 Man, I'm messing with you. 420 00:20:08,006 --> 00:20:09,349 Go and do that? No. 421 00:20:10,008 --> 00:20:11,976 I do have an idea. Uh-huh. 422 00:20:12,386 --> 00:20:13,854 What do you think about doing something 423 00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:18,392 that we will really, really regret in the morning? 424 00:20:18,559 --> 00:20:19,936 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 425 00:20:20,978 --> 00:20:21,979 You into it? 426 00:20:24,398 --> 00:20:26,366 Yeah, we can definitely do that. 427 00:20:27,025 --> 00:20:28,026 (LAUGHING) Okay! 428 00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:30,571 Okay. Let's go. (SIGHS) All right, let's go. 429 00:20:30,737 --> 00:20:32,660 (WHISPERING) Fuck, fuck, fuck! 430 00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:34,658 (MACHINE BUZZING) (SABRINA MOANING) 431 00:20:34,741 --> 00:20:37,119 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 432 00:20:38,745 --> 00:20:40,543 (CONTINUES MOANING) 433 00:20:44,293 --> 00:20:45,966 (GROANING) 434 00:20:47,671 --> 00:20:48,672 Oh, God! 435 00:20:50,382 --> 00:20:51,599 Oh. Wow. Really? 436 00:20:51,758 --> 00:20:53,476 Are you sure that's what you want? 437 00:20:53,635 --> 00:20:55,478 Absolutely. I like that. 438 00:20:55,637 --> 00:20:59,562 You're okay with that being on your body for, like, forever? 439 00:20:59,725 --> 00:21:01,773 I feel pretty good about it. 440 00:21:01,935 --> 00:21:03,061 How is yours down there? 441 00:21:03,228 --> 00:21:04,525 It's good. 442 00:21:04,688 --> 00:21:05,735 It tickles a little. 443 00:21:06,231 --> 00:21:07,699 Rico. Yo. 444 00:21:07,858 --> 00:21:08,859 What do you think of this turn, man? 445 00:21:11,695 --> 00:21:12,696 I don't know, man. 446 00:21:13,447 --> 00:21:14,994 Ask Tommy. Tommy! 447 00:21:15,324 --> 00:21:16,416 TOMMY: Yeah, man. 448 00:21:16,492 --> 00:21:18,119 Check this out, man. 449 00:21:18,202 --> 00:21:19,704 (GIGGLING) 450 00:21:19,912 --> 00:21:21,038 (CLEARS THROAT) 451 00:21:21,121 --> 00:21:23,499 You never did tell me about your childhood. 452 00:21:23,874 --> 00:21:25,717 Really? Now? 453 00:21:25,876 --> 00:21:27,799 With the Sons of Anarchy between your... 454 00:21:27,961 --> 00:21:29,588 Um, let's see here... 455 00:21:29,755 --> 00:21:31,223 Tommy, Rico. Hey, guys. 456 00:21:31,381 --> 00:21:32,473 We are sightseeing now. 457 00:21:32,633 --> 00:21:35,102 Let's move it along, please. Come on. 458 00:21:35,427 --> 00:21:36,679 You are such a gentleman. 459 00:21:36,845 --> 00:21:39,189 Now you only have one ponytailed ex-convict between your legs, 460 00:21:39,348 --> 00:21:40,349 so everything is fine. 461 00:21:40,432 --> 00:21:41,854 (SABRINA LAUGHS) 462 00:21:42,768 --> 00:21:44,691 I'm kidding. I was absolutely joking. 463 00:21:45,229 --> 00:21:47,948 I love your ponytail. And that little pirate beard. 464 00:21:48,106 --> 00:21:49,449 Sun kidding. (EXHALES) 465 00:21:52,402 --> 00:21:55,827 (CHATTING INDISTINCTLY) 466 00:21:57,908 --> 00:21:59,535 That's me, there. 467 00:21:59,701 --> 00:22:01,419 This is you. Mmm-hmm. 468 00:22:01,578 --> 00:22:03,797 Yeah, that is nice. Thanks. 469 00:22:03,956 --> 00:22:05,048 Yeah. 470 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:15,972 Well, good night. 471 00:22:17,928 --> 00:22:19,100 Good night. 472 00:22:26,436 --> 00:22:27,483 Hey, Mitch? 473 00:22:27,813 --> 00:22:28,905 Yeah. 474 00:22:29,731 --> 00:22:31,654 Are you going to call me? 475 00:22:34,278 --> 00:22:36,406 I thought you said this wasn't a date. 476 00:22:38,448 --> 00:22:40,121 Things change. 477 00:22:45,330 --> 00:22:47,003 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 478 00:22:47,958 --> 00:22:49,960 That's a cute tie. Thank you. 479 00:22:50,627 --> 00:22:52,379 You should wear that to the party. 480 00:22:52,546 --> 00:22:53,843 What party? 481 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,217 Our anniversary party. 482 00:23:00,178 --> 00:23:03,022 Our anniversary party? Why the fuck wasn't I... 483 00:23:04,182 --> 00:23:06,810 What about Mitch? 484 00:23:06,977 --> 00:23:09,025 You said you didn't want him to come. 485 00:23:10,022 --> 00:23:12,024 I did? Yeah. 486 00:23:12,316 --> 00:23:15,069 You said you were really embarrassed of him. 487 00:23:15,986 --> 00:23:17,158 That's why I didn't invite him. 488 00:23:17,321 --> 00:23:18,994 I can't believe I don't remember that. 489 00:23:19,156 --> 00:23:20,658 You also said that you thought 490 00:23:20,741 --> 00:23:22,368 that he would get hammered 491 00:23:22,534 --> 00:23:24,411 and hit on all of our married friends, be mean to my grandma 492 00:23:24,578 --> 00:23:26,376 and turn the whole thing into a key party. 493 00:23:26,705 --> 00:23:27,706 Once, that happened. 494 00:23:27,873 --> 00:23:30,501 And you said he would force everyone to do Kamikaze shots, 495 00:23:30,667 --> 00:23:32,761 spike the punch with ecstasy, 496 00:23:32,836 --> 00:23:34,338 give all the girls breast exams and... 497 00:23:34,504 --> 00:23:36,051 That was the same party. 498 00:23:36,340 --> 00:23:38,308 Hmm. Weird. 499 00:23:38,383 --> 00:23:40,727 Maybe we should talk about your bad memory at Dialogue Night. 500 00:23:40,886 --> 00:23:43,856 Stilton Coffee House tonight. Don't forget. 501 00:23:45,390 --> 00:23:46,733 Okay. Okay? 502 00:23:47,893 --> 00:23:48,894 Bye. 503 00:24:04,826 --> 00:24:06,328 (LAUGHS) 504 00:24:07,746 --> 00:24:09,589 (MOBILE PHONE RINGING) 505 00:24:09,665 --> 00:24:11,008 (GRUNTS) 506 00:24:13,001 --> 00:24:14,093 Hello. 507 00:24:14,252 --> 00:24:16,971 This is District Manager Carla Nelson 508 00:24:17,047 --> 00:24:18,765 from the Atlanta Department of Parks. 509 00:24:18,924 --> 00:24:19,925 Oh, yeah. 510 00:24:20,092 --> 00:24:23,471 Well, we have found that fountain. 511 00:24:23,637 --> 00:24:26,937 It's been moved to 1100 Peachtree Boulevard. 512 00:24:27,099 --> 00:24:29,101 You found it. Okay, well... 513 00:24:29,768 --> 00:24:32,237 (STAMMERS) Okay, we'll be there soon. 514 00:24:32,396 --> 00:24:34,945 All righty, then. Have a good day. 515 00:24:35,107 --> 00:24:36,108 Thank you. 516 00:24:45,951 --> 00:24:47,328 Hi. Hi. 517 00:24:47,953 --> 00:24:49,000 How are you? 518 00:24:49,079 --> 00:24:51,582 Good. Just on my way to see Dave. 519 00:24:51,748 --> 00:24:52,749 Actually, 520 00:24:54,334 --> 00:24:57,133 all the senior staff is going to be at the mediation tomorrow. 521 00:24:57,295 --> 00:24:59,764 So, I snagged Flemming's seats 522 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:01,968 to the Marlins-Braves game. 523 00:25:02,134 --> 00:25:04,637 You, me, beer, baseball. 524 00:25:04,803 --> 00:25:05,850 What more could a guy want? 525 00:25:06,471 --> 00:25:07,643 (GROANS) 526 00:25:09,307 --> 00:25:11,651 Don't take this the wrong way. 527 00:25:11,810 --> 00:25:14,188 I would really love to go to that game with you, but I don't... 528 00:25:14,354 --> 00:25:16,277 (ANGRILY) Are you breaking up with me? 529 00:25:19,526 --> 00:25:21,028 What? I'm messing with you. (LAUGHING) 530 00:25:21,528 --> 00:25:22,905 Oh! 531 00:25:23,655 --> 00:25:25,157 Look, it is just a baseball game. 532 00:25:25,323 --> 00:25:26,700 They're dugout seats. 533 00:25:27,033 --> 00:25:30,037 Whatever you have to do, cancel it. 534 00:25:43,592 --> 00:25:44,593 Hey. 535 00:25:45,719 --> 00:25:46,720 They found the fountain. 536 00:25:46,887 --> 00:25:48,981 Yeah, they did. She called me, too. 537 00:25:49,681 --> 00:25:50,682 Yeah. 538 00:25:52,142 --> 00:25:53,143 So... 539 00:25:54,019 --> 00:25:55,316 Good news. 540 00:25:55,479 --> 00:25:57,356 Yeah, it's good news. 541 00:25:58,815 --> 00:26:00,158 Awesome. 542 00:26:00,525 --> 00:26:03,028 We should probably go, you know, take a piss. 543 00:26:03,528 --> 00:26:05,872 Yeah, yeah, let's do it. 544 00:26:06,239 --> 00:26:07,240 Yeah. 545 00:26:07,866 --> 00:26:10,039 Except... Except? 546 00:26:10,327 --> 00:26:13,547 Except, the mediation is tomorrow, 547 00:26:13,705 --> 00:26:15,252 and I've been working my ass off on that. 548 00:26:15,415 --> 00:26:17,042 Yeah, you've been working real hard on that. 549 00:26:17,209 --> 00:26:19,052 And I want to prove to myself 550 00:26:19,211 --> 00:26:21,054 and to people 551 00:26:21,129 --> 00:26:22,927 that I can see that through. 552 00:26:23,089 --> 00:26:24,511 And you should. Yeah. 553 00:26:24,674 --> 00:26:25,846 You deserve that. 554 00:26:26,009 --> 00:26:27,056 What are you saying? 555 00:26:28,094 --> 00:26:29,721 We could wait. 556 00:26:29,888 --> 00:26:31,731 You want to wait? We could wait a day. 557 00:26:31,890 --> 00:26:33,358 Push it a day? Or a week? 558 00:26:33,517 --> 00:26:35,690 We should wait to switch. We can do it... 559 00:26:35,852 --> 00:26:36,853 A month? Yeah. 560 00:26:37,020 --> 00:26:37,987 It's time. 561 00:26:38,063 --> 00:26:39,736 Really, what is time? 562 00:26:39,898 --> 00:26:40,945 Come here, Dave. 563 00:26:41,024 --> 00:26:42,492 Come on, buddy. (BOTH GROAN) 564 00:26:43,068 --> 00:26:45,162 This went so well. Yeah, it did. 565 00:26:45,529 --> 00:26:46,576 It's kind of surprising. 566 00:26:46,738 --> 00:26:47,910 Very surprising. 567 00:26:48,073 --> 00:26:52,249 If they offer you one red cent over $700 million, 568 00:26:52,410 --> 00:26:53,582 you accept that. Got it? 569 00:26:53,912 --> 00:26:55,209 Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I? 570 00:26:55,372 --> 00:26:56,373 Why wouldn't you? 571 00:26:56,540 --> 00:26:57,883 Great! Good! 572 00:26:58,041 --> 00:26:59,714 What's the worst that can happen? Nothing can happen! 573 00:27:00,168 --> 00:27:01,340 I think it's fine. 574 00:27:01,461 --> 00:27:02,462 (THUNDER RUMBLING) 575 00:27:18,144 --> 00:27:19,817 (TELEPHONE RINGING) 576 00:27:20,772 --> 00:27:21,864 Dave Lockwood. 577 00:27:22,023 --> 00:27:23,195 Did you forget something? 578 00:27:24,276 --> 00:27:26,745 Who is this? Your wife. 579 00:27:26,903 --> 00:27:27,870 Oh. 580 00:27:27,946 --> 00:27:31,871 Ummm. Did I forget something? I don't know. What? 581 00:27:32,117 --> 00:27:33,209 Never mind. 582 00:27:33,368 --> 00:27:36,463 It's the mediation tomorrow, so I'm under it. 583 00:27:36,621 --> 00:27:37,918 I can't play. 584 00:27:40,709 --> 00:27:42,803 So, how did it go? How much money is it? 585 00:27:42,961 --> 00:27:45,214 Just two hours, so, 14 bucks. 586 00:27:45,380 --> 00:27:46,381 Great. 587 00:27:47,299 --> 00:27:48,642 Sorry you got stood up. 588 00:27:50,594 --> 00:27:51,937 He just forgot. 589 00:27:52,304 --> 00:27:54,147 Yeah, that's what I meant. (LAUGHS) 590 00:27:54,973 --> 00:27:57,476 He forgot me at the coffee shop 591 00:27:57,642 --> 00:28:00,816 when all I wanted to do was go and talk to him. 592 00:28:00,979 --> 00:28:03,607 Which isn't a lot to ask, do you think? 593 00:28:03,773 --> 00:28:05,320 What do you want me to say? 594 00:28:05,483 --> 00:28:07,326 Well, have you ever been stood up by a man? 595 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:09,742 Not really. Uh-huh. 596 00:28:09,905 --> 00:28:11,953 Our parents drive us places, though, so... 597 00:28:12,115 --> 00:28:13,332 Bottom line, Katie, 598 00:28:13,491 --> 00:28:16,791 is work always comes first, 599 00:28:16,870 --> 00:28:18,338 and we always come second. 600 00:28:18,496 --> 00:28:20,669 And I don't think that's ever going to change. 601 00:28:21,625 --> 00:28:23,093 I've got to go home now 602 00:28:23,168 --> 00:28:24,761 because I have this Spanish test, so... 603 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:26,422 I can write you a note. 604 00:28:26,588 --> 00:28:28,511 I guess deep down, 605 00:28:28,590 --> 00:28:31,469 I'm afraid that I'll keep compromising 606 00:28:31,635 --> 00:28:34,605 until getting the shit end feels normal. 607 00:28:34,763 --> 00:28:37,186 And then I'll be so beaten down by life 608 00:28:37,557 --> 00:28:41,187 that, just for a second, I will consider asking 609 00:28:41,353 --> 00:28:44,277 the homeless guy at the car wash who looks like Kris Kristofferson 610 00:28:44,439 --> 00:28:45,611 to rub my shoulders. 611 00:28:45,774 --> 00:28:47,947 And I will, and he will. 612 00:28:48,109 --> 00:28:50,282 And you know what? It'll be wonderful. 613 00:28:51,154 --> 00:28:52,622 And I'll love it. 614 00:28:52,781 --> 00:28:54,203 Because why not? 615 00:28:54,366 --> 00:28:57,666 (CRYING) I mean, I'm not getting anything here. 616 00:28:57,827 --> 00:28:59,955 Nobody's fucking me here. 617 00:29:00,455 --> 00:29:04,301 You know, Katie, this is exactly why people get divorced. 618 00:29:05,627 --> 00:29:07,379 I'm so sorry. 619 00:29:07,545 --> 00:29:11,220 I'm so sorry. That was way out of line. 620 00:29:14,678 --> 00:29:16,555 Do you want some ice cream? 621 00:29:17,055 --> 00:29:19,899 I'm not getting any closer to leaving, am I? 622 00:29:20,642 --> 00:29:21,643 No. 623 00:29:21,893 --> 00:29:24,066 (ORGAN PLAYING GAME TUNES) 624 00:29:26,356 --> 00:29:29,075 (ALL CHEERING LOUDLY) 625 00:29:35,699 --> 00:29:36,791 Wow! 626 00:29:39,411 --> 00:29:40,537 It's looking good out there. 627 00:29:40,704 --> 00:29:43,082 Hudson loves the sinker. He's been crushing them all year. 628 00:29:43,248 --> 00:29:45,216 Listen to you, you are a big baseball fan! 629 00:29:45,291 --> 00:29:46,338 Yeah, huge. 630 00:29:46,418 --> 00:29:47,670 I didn't know that about you. 631 00:29:47,836 --> 00:29:50,931 I was Phil Niekro for Halloween three years in a row as a kid. 632 00:29:51,089 --> 00:29:53,933 No way! Phil Niekro is my number one favorite of all time! 633 00:29:54,092 --> 00:29:55,514 Why is my voice so high? 634 00:29:55,593 --> 00:29:56,594 (LAUGHING) 635 00:30:11,109 --> 00:30:12,281 WOMAN: Thank you for coming in today. 636 00:30:12,444 --> 00:30:13,696 My name is Erin Walsh, 637 00:30:13,778 --> 00:30:15,200 and I'll be mediating your claim. 638 00:30:15,363 --> 00:30:18,867 Any and all agreements made during this mediation are binding 639 00:30:19,034 --> 00:30:20,707 and carry with them the full rights 640 00:30:20,785 --> 00:30:22,412 and responsibilities of the law 641 00:30:22,579 --> 00:30:26,629 as stated in Federal Code 325 A, Section 4. 642 00:30:27,459 --> 00:30:28,460 (INAUDIBLE) 643 00:30:30,211 --> 00:30:32,555 Kinkabe agrees in principle to the terms of the sale 644 00:30:32,714 --> 00:30:36,093 and valuates your company at $625 million. 645 00:30:36,259 --> 00:30:37,977 This is their best and final offer. 646 00:30:41,431 --> 00:30:43,650 TED: There is no way we can make this deal. 647 00:30:43,808 --> 00:30:45,936 FLEMMING: Six-twenty-five is not the end of the world. 648 00:30:46,102 --> 00:30:48,730 You've just got to know when it's time to quit. 649 00:30:48,897 --> 00:30:51,150 Fuck that noise. We are not quitting. 650 00:30:51,316 --> 00:30:53,159 I think you can do better, Ted. 651 00:30:53,610 --> 00:30:54,611 I beg your pardon. 652 00:30:54,778 --> 00:30:56,405 I don't see anybody headed for the door. 653 00:30:56,905 --> 00:30:59,408 This is just like trying to fuck a Catholic girl who keeps saying, 654 00:30:59,574 --> 00:31:02,327 "No, I don't want to. I'm really drunk and you're circumcised." 655 00:31:02,494 --> 00:31:03,916 But she keeps on making out with you, 656 00:31:03,995 --> 00:31:05,167 she's not leaving your Fiero... 657 00:31:05,330 --> 00:31:06,547 It means she really wants to. 658 00:31:06,873 --> 00:31:08,671 She just needs a little bit of a nudge. 659 00:31:08,750 --> 00:31:10,252 A little bit of a coax, little bit of a tickle. 660 00:31:10,335 --> 00:31:11,962 Just to rationalize it to herself, to her God. 661 00:31:12,045 --> 00:31:13,137 Do you know what I mean? 662 00:31:15,006 --> 00:31:18,852 No, Dave. We most definitely do not know what you mean. 663 00:31:19,010 --> 00:31:20,728 Okay. What I mean is, 664 00:31:20,887 --> 00:31:23,481 they want to spend more, they just don't know it, all right? 665 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:24,812 If this really was their final offer, 666 00:31:24,933 --> 00:31:26,105 they'd be leaving, but they're not. 667 00:31:26,184 --> 00:31:28,528 They're sticking around. They've got more money to spend. 668 00:31:30,188 --> 00:31:32,532 She wants to unroll that rubber at the bottom of her purse 669 00:31:32,690 --> 00:31:34,692 that she put in there three semesters ago. 670 00:31:38,655 --> 00:31:40,498 How much more do you think we can get out of them? 671 00:31:41,491 --> 00:31:42,868 Ten million? Fifteen? 672 00:31:43,201 --> 00:31:46,876 Pull those panties to the side, Ted, and take a hundred more. 673 00:31:47,205 --> 00:31:48,206 What? 674 00:31:49,165 --> 00:31:52,385 Do not listen to him, Ted. He is beyond reckless. 675 00:31:52,544 --> 00:31:56,094 If we make too large a counter offer, we risk driving them away. 676 00:31:56,256 --> 00:31:57,678 Ted, it doesn't hurt to ask. 677 00:31:58,299 --> 00:31:59,471 You would not believe the nasty shit 678 00:31:59,551 --> 00:32:01,019 I get these girls to do, just by asking. 679 00:32:01,094 --> 00:32:02,767 Honestly, it's revolting. 680 00:32:05,098 --> 00:32:07,021 It does seem odd that they're not leaving. 681 00:32:07,183 --> 00:32:08,685 Punch her in the seat. 682 00:32:16,734 --> 00:32:19,453 You can tell Kinkabe we want an extra 100 million. 683 00:32:19,612 --> 00:32:22,365 And that is our final offer, because we're leaving. 684 00:32:22,532 --> 00:32:23,749 Fuel the jet, let's go. 685 00:32:33,543 --> 00:32:36,012 For the record, I did not support that decision. (ERIN SHOUTING) 686 00:32:36,087 --> 00:32:37,088 Sir! 687 00:32:40,258 --> 00:32:43,387 Sir, Mr. Kinkabe has agreed to $725 million. 688 00:32:43,553 --> 00:32:44,600 The deal is closed! 689 00:32:44,721 --> 00:32:46,143 (WHOOPING) 690 00:32:46,222 --> 00:32:47,223 Oh, my God! 691 00:32:48,433 --> 00:32:50,652 (ALL CHEERING) 692 00:32:53,271 --> 00:32:54,272 What did I tell you? 693 00:32:56,399 --> 00:32:58,401 (ALL CHATTERING) 694 00:33:01,070 --> 00:33:02,617 (LAUGHING) 695 00:33:11,581 --> 00:33:13,379 (CROWD CHEERING) 696 00:33:13,625 --> 00:33:14,626 (EXCLAIMING) Oh, my God! 697 00:33:15,627 --> 00:33:18,176 Oh, my God! 698 00:33:18,379 --> 00:33:19,380 Wow. 699 00:33:19,464 --> 00:33:20,636 Are you glad you came now? 700 00:33:20,798 --> 00:33:23,051 Am I glad I came? It's like the greatest day of my life! 701 00:33:23,134 --> 00:33:24,351 (LAUGHING) (THUNDER RUMBLING) 702 00:33:24,427 --> 00:33:25,804 Where did that come from? 703 00:33:25,970 --> 00:33:28,689 Hang on, hang on, I got it. 704 00:33:28,848 --> 00:33:31,021 Oh, no, they are going to call it. 705 00:33:32,143 --> 00:33:34,987 MITCH: Man, this is amazing. I can't believe they're making me partner. 706 00:33:35,146 --> 00:33:36,648 I'm the greatest lawyer, ever. 707 00:33:36,814 --> 00:33:38,316 What a day. (LAUGHS) 708 00:33:39,651 --> 00:33:41,494 So, now you can be happy. 709 00:33:41,653 --> 00:33:42,825 Do you think they are going to give me a medal? 710 00:33:43,154 --> 00:33:45,122 Could you imagine an engraved sword? 711 00:33:45,281 --> 00:33:47,534 Honestly, I'd be happy with anything engraved. 712 00:33:47,700 --> 00:33:49,828 A sword or a spear. 713 00:33:49,994 --> 00:33:51,166 Even a shield would be good. 714 00:33:51,329 --> 00:33:54,458 Slap it, Cara. Cara. 715 00:33:55,500 --> 00:33:56,797 FLEMMING: We are gathered here tonight 716 00:33:56,960 --> 00:34:00,305 to celebrate the newest partner in our esteemed firm. 717 00:34:00,463 --> 00:34:02,591 David Andrew Lockwood 718 00:34:02,674 --> 00:34:05,974 was born on March 25th, 1974. 719 00:34:06,135 --> 00:34:08,479 By all accounts, Dave was a sweet, 720 00:34:08,596 --> 00:34:10,974 diligent, hardworking little boy. 721 00:34:12,141 --> 00:34:13,984 (LAUGHING) 722 00:34:16,187 --> 00:34:17,234 Wow. 723 00:34:17,313 --> 00:34:18,735 Yeah, I know. 724 00:34:18,898 --> 00:34:20,024 I love it. 725 00:34:20,525 --> 00:34:21,526 Why? 726 00:34:22,402 --> 00:34:23,403 It reminds me of high school. 727 00:34:23,569 --> 00:34:26,493 I feel like I'm about to lose my virginity. 728 00:34:26,656 --> 00:34:27,703 (LAUGHS) Bathroom? 729 00:34:27,865 --> 00:34:29,538 Yeah, right there. 730 00:34:30,868 --> 00:34:32,211 (MOUTHING) 731 00:34:36,624 --> 00:34:38,126 Do you want a drink or something? 732 00:34:38,293 --> 00:34:40,591 (STAMMERS) Or warm clothes or I can get you a drink? 733 00:34:40,753 --> 00:34:42,130 No, it's okay. We'll have one after. 734 00:34:43,381 --> 00:34:45,884 Okay. After what? 735 00:34:46,175 --> 00:34:49,145 Relax, Mitch, you're going to get laid tonight. (LAUGHS) 736 00:34:49,721 --> 00:34:54,067 FLEMMING: In high school, Dave graduated first in his class. 737 00:34:54,225 --> 00:34:57,229 After winning a full scholarship to Princeton, 738 00:34:57,395 --> 00:35:01,616 Dave, amazingly, graduated in just three years. 739 00:35:02,608 --> 00:35:06,329 And after graduating from Yale Law School with honors, 740 00:35:06,779 --> 00:35:09,077 Dave clerked for Justice Souter 741 00:35:09,240 --> 00:35:11,538 on the United States Supreme Court. 742 00:35:14,871 --> 00:35:16,088 Work is hard. 743 00:35:16,247 --> 00:35:18,500 I like going to baseball games 744 00:35:18,666 --> 00:35:21,590 and drinking too much, and getting tattoos at 3:00 in the morning. 745 00:35:22,378 --> 00:35:23,425 Yeah. 746 00:35:23,588 --> 00:35:26,387 Boot. Take it off. 747 00:35:30,094 --> 00:35:33,564 We were not put on this earth to work, breed and die. 748 00:35:33,723 --> 00:35:35,475 No, we were not... Don't interrupt me, handsome. 749 00:35:36,476 --> 00:35:39,195 We are here to have fun. 750 00:35:39,437 --> 00:35:41,280 Right? Yeah. 751 00:35:43,483 --> 00:35:44,484 Boot. 752 00:35:48,071 --> 00:35:50,494 I just think there's too many rules. 753 00:35:51,657 --> 00:35:54,911 Think about all the amazing experiences that we miss out on 754 00:35:55,078 --> 00:35:57,501 because we're so worried about what other people will think. 755 00:35:58,164 --> 00:36:01,885 Why can't I be a professional, successful woman 756 00:36:02,043 --> 00:36:04,967 who sleeps with someone she just met? 757 00:36:05,421 --> 00:36:06,718 You know? 758 00:36:06,881 --> 00:36:08,224 I haven't heard a word you said 759 00:36:08,299 --> 00:36:09,926 since you took your pants off. 760 00:36:10,385 --> 00:36:11,386 Shirt. 761 00:36:12,804 --> 00:36:13,805 Shirt. 762 00:36:16,933 --> 00:36:17,934 You smell like lemons. 763 00:36:19,018 --> 00:36:20,941 (LAUGHS) I do smell like lemons. 764 00:36:21,521 --> 00:36:23,944 Oh, God, you're nervous. I like that. 765 00:36:25,691 --> 00:36:26,988 Your leg is shaking. 766 00:36:27,151 --> 00:36:28,198 That's not my leg. 767 00:36:28,736 --> 00:36:30,659 Take off my bra. 768 00:36:30,822 --> 00:36:31,823 All Of it? 769 00:36:31,989 --> 00:36:33,457 Just the parts covering the breasts. 770 00:36:33,616 --> 00:36:35,368 That's a good start. 771 00:36:36,911 --> 00:36:39,005 (DAVE GRUNTS) 772 00:36:41,082 --> 00:36:42,755 Oh, that's great. 773 00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:44,961 At the end of the day... 774 00:36:45,128 --> 00:36:46,129 Holy shit! 775 00:36:46,295 --> 00:36:48,764 ...I am just tired of over-thinking things. 776 00:36:49,340 --> 00:36:50,933 I'm tired of over-thinking things, too. 777 00:36:51,092 --> 00:36:53,220 We should just do what we want to do. 778 00:36:53,386 --> 00:36:54,763 Let's do it. Let's just do it. 779 00:36:54,846 --> 00:36:58,020 FLEMMING: The only thing Dave loves more than the law 780 00:36:58,141 --> 00:37:00,940 is his beautiful wife, Jamie. 781 00:37:01,477 --> 00:37:03,855 Their life is like a fairy tale 782 00:37:04,021 --> 00:37:07,400 made even more perfect by their three adorable children. 783 00:37:07,650 --> 00:37:10,654 (DISTANTLY) So, as we celebrate one partnership tonight... 784 00:37:21,164 --> 00:37:23,007 Look, Daddy, it's you and me. 785 00:37:28,838 --> 00:37:30,055 (INDISTINCT) 786 00:37:34,969 --> 00:37:37,722 ...would bring most men to their knees, 787 00:37:37,889 --> 00:37:39,232 but not Dave. 788 00:37:39,807 --> 00:37:41,901 He excelled on all fronts, 789 00:37:42,059 --> 00:37:43,686 putting the rest of us to shame. 790 00:37:44,812 --> 00:37:45,813 I didn't earn this. 791 00:37:45,980 --> 00:37:50,201 The /aw may be the first thing on Dave's mind, 792 00:37:50,359 --> 00:37:54,739 but his family has always been the first thing in his heart. 793 00:37:56,157 --> 00:37:57,750 What should we do with each other, Mitch? 794 00:37:57,909 --> 00:37:59,206 Oh, God, everything. 795 00:37:59,410 --> 00:38:00,411 (LAUGHS) 796 00:38:00,536 --> 00:38:01,879 We could... 797 00:38:05,208 --> 00:38:06,209 Is that a... 798 00:38:17,428 --> 00:38:19,271 Is that a many-spotted skipperling? 799 00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:20,681 Yeah. 800 00:38:25,728 --> 00:38:26,854 Mmm. 801 00:38:27,772 --> 00:38:30,446 You can have whatever you want. 802 00:38:34,403 --> 00:38:35,620 What do you want to do? 803 00:38:38,616 --> 00:38:40,118 I want to go home. 804 00:38:41,786 --> 00:38:42,787 What? 805 00:38:44,288 --> 00:38:45,835 I want to go home. 806 00:38:47,458 --> 00:38:48,801 What? I don't... 807 00:38:49,460 --> 00:38:50,962 I got a meeting. I got to go. 808 00:38:55,091 --> 00:38:56,468 (MOBILE PHONE RINGING) 809 00:38:57,009 --> 00:38:58,010 Lockwood residence. 810 00:38:58,135 --> 00:38:59,136 Where is Dave? 811 00:38:59,303 --> 00:39:01,351 Dave is at the country club. They made him partner. 812 00:39:04,141 --> 00:39:05,984 (CARS HONKING) 813 00:39:06,102 --> 00:39:07,604 (TIRES SCREECHING) 814 00:39:08,145 --> 00:39:10,568 FLEMMING: A brilliant attorney, 815 00:39:10,690 --> 00:39:11,987 loving husband, 816 00:39:12,149 --> 00:39:14,151 devoted father. 817 00:39:16,654 --> 00:39:19,203 It is my distinct honor 818 00:39:19,323 --> 00:39:20,870 to introduce to you, 819 00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:24,295 our newest partner, David Lockwood. 820 00:39:35,881 --> 00:39:37,383 Way to go, Dave. 821 00:39:39,802 --> 00:39:41,224 Congratulations, Dave. 822 00:39:41,470 --> 00:39:43,188 You deserve it. 823 00:39:44,056 --> 00:39:45,854 This is not my life. 824 00:39:49,020 --> 00:39:50,317 (TIRES SCREECHING) 825 00:40:14,670 --> 00:40:16,092 ls she kissing the wrong guy? 826 00:40:16,380 --> 00:40:18,223 I know it's weird. Just go with it. 827 00:40:40,404 --> 00:40:41,576 We tried to tell you. 828 00:40:42,031 --> 00:40:43,078 You ready to take a piss? 829 00:40:43,240 --> 00:40:44,241 You bet your ass I am. 830 00:40:45,117 --> 00:40:46,118 I love you, pumpkin. 831 00:40:53,167 --> 00:40:54,384 (EXHALES) 832 00:40:59,090 --> 00:41:00,558 (HORNS BLARING) 833 00:41:08,808 --> 00:41:10,060 Are you sure this is the address? 834 00:41:10,309 --> 00:41:11,777 Yeah, this is the place. 835 00:41:25,491 --> 00:41:27,459 You got to be kidding me. Oh, wow. 836 00:41:31,122 --> 00:41:32,999 Jesus Christ, it's like the whole city is in here tonight. 837 00:41:33,165 --> 00:41:36,294 Okay, let's just do this. Come on. 838 00:41:44,009 --> 00:41:45,135 How are we supposed to get this done? 839 00:41:45,302 --> 00:41:47,350 You just be super cool... 840 00:41:47,513 --> 00:41:49,140 (BOTH UNZIPPING) ... and don't draw attention to yourself. 841 00:41:53,144 --> 00:41:54,191 Why aren't you peeing? 842 00:41:54,353 --> 00:41:55,479 I got a lot of people around me. 843 00:41:55,646 --> 00:41:56,818 Don't yell at me. I'm all locked up. 844 00:41:56,981 --> 00:41:58,324 No one is even looking at us. We're fine. 845 00:41:58,482 --> 00:42:02,487 Mommy, that man is peeing in the fountain! 846 00:42:04,155 --> 00:42:05,247 (ALL MURMURING) 847 00:42:05,322 --> 00:42:06,494 Oh, my God. 848 00:42:06,657 --> 00:42:08,409 The cat is out of the bag, buddy. You got to go now. 849 00:42:08,492 --> 00:42:09,493 Why don't you take a picture? Mitch! 850 00:42:09,577 --> 00:42:10,578 Come on! 851 00:42:10,661 --> 00:42:12,663 It's snipped. Mitch! Mitch! 852 00:42:12,830 --> 00:42:16,676 By the way, why didn't you invite me to your anniversary party? 853 00:42:19,211 --> 00:42:21,589 Okay, look... 854 00:42:22,506 --> 00:42:23,803 I feel really bad about that 855 00:42:23,883 --> 00:42:25,226 but can we talk about that at another time? 856 00:42:25,384 --> 00:42:26,761 There is a girl scout staring at my penis. 857 00:42:26,927 --> 00:42:28,349 I want to talk about it right now. 858 00:42:28,512 --> 00:42:29,513 Really? 859 00:42:29,847 --> 00:42:31,520 Are you embarrassed of me? 860 00:42:32,224 --> 00:42:36,070 I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah, I was. 861 00:42:36,687 --> 00:42:38,064 But I'm not any more. 862 00:42:39,523 --> 00:42:41,241 I'm actually proud of you, Mitch. 863 00:42:43,068 --> 00:42:44,115 Really? 864 00:42:44,862 --> 00:42:46,034 Really. 865 00:42:47,531 --> 00:42:48,828 (GROANS IN RELIEF) 866 00:42:49,033 --> 00:42:50,330 (CROWD GASPING) 867 00:42:50,409 --> 00:42:51,581 Attaboy! 868 00:42:51,744 --> 00:42:53,246 I think that's what had me all locked up. 869 00:42:53,412 --> 00:42:54,413 Hey! 870 00:42:55,581 --> 00:42:57,424 Shit, we got security on us. 871 00:42:57,500 --> 00:42:58,717 We got to do this right now. 872 00:42:58,876 --> 00:43:00,378 Three, two, one... 873 00:43:00,544 --> 00:43:01,921 BOTH: I wish I had my old life back! 874 00:43:02,087 --> 00:43:03,088 What did they say? 875 00:43:03,547 --> 00:43:05,970 Do you feel any different? No, go again. 876 00:43:06,133 --> 00:43:08,602 BOTH: I wish I had my old life back! 877 00:43:09,804 --> 00:43:11,477 Oh, shit! Come on, guy! 878 00:43:11,639 --> 00:43:13,812 We are running out of time here. Three, two, one... 879 00:43:13,974 --> 00:43:15,976 BOTH: I wish I had my old life back! 880 00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,313 MITCH: Bingo! DAVE: Nice! Let's go, this way! 881 00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:20,948 I'm peeing all over people, slow down! 882 00:43:21,106 --> 00:43:22,323 WOMAN: Watch it! 883 00:43:22,441 --> 00:43:23,658 MITCH: Excuse me, I'm sorry. Pardon me. 884 00:43:27,071 --> 00:43:29,699 (ALL MURMURING) 885 00:43:33,828 --> 00:43:34,829 (THUNDER RUMBLING) 886 00:43:39,416 --> 00:43:42,260 (BABY CRYING) 887 00:43:52,805 --> 00:43:53,806 Oh, my God. 888 00:43:57,685 --> 00:43:59,483 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 889 00:44:00,312 --> 00:44:03,407 Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. 890 00:44:03,482 --> 00:44:05,530 Pumpkin! Pumpkin, I'm back. 891 00:44:05,693 --> 00:44:07,946 Pumpkin, wake up. 892 00:44:08,112 --> 00:44:10,365 Can you wake up, baby? I'm back, I'm back. 893 00:44:10,531 --> 00:44:13,455 Oh, my God, I missed you so much. Oh, honey. 894 00:44:13,617 --> 00:44:15,540 Okay, I owe you an explanation for last night. 895 00:44:15,703 --> 00:44:17,797 I owe you an apology for this week. 896 00:44:18,372 --> 00:44:21,171 And most importantly, I owe you a fix for the last five years. 897 00:44:21,333 --> 00:44:23,051 Honey, things are changing, I promise. 898 00:44:23,460 --> 00:44:27,215 You and the kids mean everything to me. Nothing is more important. 899 00:44:27,381 --> 00:44:29,304 In fact, I'm going to quit my job. 900 00:44:29,466 --> 00:44:31,639 I'm going to work today, I'm going to quit my job. 901 00:44:31,802 --> 00:44:35,306 I'm going to apply to Kinko's, all right? 902 00:44:35,472 --> 00:44:37,816 Or maybe Chick-fil-A or Waffle House? Whoa, whoa, whoa! 903 00:44:37,975 --> 00:44:39,648 Hold on, just a second. Foot Locker? 904 00:44:39,810 --> 00:44:42,313 It is the middle of the night. Shh. 905 00:44:43,647 --> 00:44:47,823 All right, I don't know what's going on with you two dorks. 906 00:44:48,152 --> 00:44:49,529 That's enough. 907 00:44:50,404 --> 00:44:51,826 I don't want you to quit your job. 908 00:44:51,906 --> 00:44:53,203 What are you talking about? 909 00:44:53,365 --> 00:44:56,995 You love your job and you love the law. 910 00:44:57,369 --> 00:44:59,371 I love that about you. 911 00:45:00,331 --> 00:45:01,878 I just want you to come home for dinner. 912 00:45:02,041 --> 00:45:04,009 I know. And Dialogue Night. 913 00:45:04,501 --> 00:45:06,094 And to see the kids. 914 00:45:08,172 --> 00:45:10,095 And I want you to want to be here. 915 00:45:10,257 --> 00:45:13,010 I do. You have no idea. 916 00:45:15,429 --> 00:45:17,352 You don't have to get all, like, 917 00:45:17,431 --> 00:45:18,853 "I'm going to quit my job." 918 00:45:20,309 --> 00:45:22,186 (BABY RESUMES CRYING) 919 00:45:22,561 --> 00:45:24,279 It's my turn. No, no, no. 920 00:45:24,438 --> 00:45:25,906 Back to bed. They're mine. 921 00:45:28,067 --> 00:45:31,116 I love you. 922 00:45:33,948 --> 00:45:35,200 Hi! 923 00:45:36,033 --> 00:45:37,876 Look who's up. 924 00:45:38,035 --> 00:45:39,412 Good morning. 925 00:45:39,578 --> 00:45:41,376 Hi, my little man. 926 00:45:44,124 --> 00:45:46,923 (LAUGHING) And how are you this morning, little princess? 927 00:45:47,878 --> 00:45:49,380 Good morning. 928 00:45:50,214 --> 00:45:51,591 How was your sleep? 929 00:45:51,757 --> 00:45:53,384 Yeah, I know. 930 00:45:53,550 --> 00:45:54,767 Okay, she's first. 931 00:45:54,927 --> 00:45:56,770 She's a little bit more vocal. 932 00:45:56,929 --> 00:45:57,930 Right? 933 00:45:58,305 --> 00:46:00,774 Are you trying to tell me you've got a little surprise? 934 00:46:01,558 --> 00:46:03,105 Did you make me something special? 935 00:46:03,268 --> 00:46:04,269 Daddy. 936 00:46:04,728 --> 00:46:08,073 Hi, sugarbug, come here. 937 00:46:09,984 --> 00:46:11,611 Give me a hug, sweetie. 938 00:46:12,569 --> 00:46:13,741 (GROANS) Good morning. 939 00:46:14,989 --> 00:46:16,991 You smell like a pillow. 940 00:46:17,157 --> 00:46:20,286 Stay here, talk to me. Sit on that chair. 941 00:46:20,452 --> 00:46:21,499 Tell me about school. 942 00:46:21,578 --> 00:46:23,421 I want to know what you learned yesterday, okay? 943 00:46:23,580 --> 00:46:24,923 And I want to hear everything. 944 00:46:25,416 --> 00:46:29,262 Did you know that atoms are smaller than a grain of sand? 945 00:46:29,420 --> 00:46:30,842 How amazing is that? 946 00:46:31,005 --> 00:46:32,006 So amazing! 947 00:46:32,172 --> 00:46:35,301 And everything on this planet is made out of atoms. 948 00:46:35,467 --> 00:46:37,936 Which is kind of strange 949 00:46:38,095 --> 00:46:41,144 because I think that means that I'm the same as a piece of fruit 950 00:46:41,306 --> 00:46:42,603 or a fish 951 00:46:42,766 --> 00:46:44,268 or this chair! 952 00:46:59,074 --> 00:47:00,200 (GASPS) 953 00:47:06,749 --> 00:47:09,923 I'm me. God, I'm me. Thank you. Thank you. 954 00:47:10,085 --> 00:47:12,383 God, look at that. Gorgeous! 955 00:47:12,838 --> 00:47:14,465 God, it's so good to be back! 956 00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:15,932 Oh, yeah. 957 00:47:16,091 --> 00:47:17,138 Welcome home. I missed you. 958 00:47:17,301 --> 00:47:20,726 Look at that, two perfectly shorn balls. 959 00:47:21,096 --> 00:47:22,222 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 960 00:47:25,726 --> 00:47:26,978 (ZIPPING UP) 961 00:47:29,271 --> 00:47:30,272 Hi. 962 00:47:33,108 --> 00:47:35,531 I left my purse. I would have called but... 963 00:47:35,694 --> 00:47:37,287 But you left your phone in your purse. 964 00:47:37,446 --> 00:47:39,414 Yeah. Right. 965 00:47:39,573 --> 00:47:43,123 I just wanted to apologize, because I know 966 00:47:43,285 --> 00:47:47,290 that I probably came off a little aggressive last night, 967 00:47:47,456 --> 00:47:49,550 and I just wanted to say sorry. 968 00:47:51,835 --> 00:47:52,836 No. 969 00:47:53,003 --> 00:47:55,176 Don't apologize. I apologize. 970 00:47:55,339 --> 00:47:57,387 I probably came off a little gay last night. 971 00:47:58,050 --> 00:48:01,145 I hope you will allow me the opportunity to straighten things out for you. 972 00:48:01,303 --> 00:48:03,681 Hey, guess what? It's breakfast time. 973 00:48:03,847 --> 00:48:04,848 Do you want to get some breakfast? 974 00:48:06,183 --> 00:48:07,184 Yeah. 975 00:48:07,267 --> 00:48:08,268 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 976 00:48:11,105 --> 00:48:13,699 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God 977 00:48:13,857 --> 00:48:16,280 to unite this man and this woman in the... 978 00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:17,612 (TIRES SCREECH) 979 00:48:24,868 --> 00:48:26,745 Mitch, you came. 980 00:48:26,912 --> 00:48:28,414 I'm very, very touched. Thank you. 981 00:48:28,664 --> 00:48:29,665 You're welcome, Dad. 982 00:48:30,707 --> 00:48:31,708 Ooh! 983 00:48:31,792 --> 00:48:33,760 Fuck me! This must be my new mom. 984 00:48:33,919 --> 00:48:35,387 Hi, Mitch Planko. 985 00:48:35,546 --> 00:48:37,139 Good. Thank you. 986 00:48:37,297 --> 00:48:38,514 She's holding onto me. 987 00:48:38,590 --> 00:48:40,308 Okay, good, let go. 988 00:48:40,467 --> 00:48:42,936 Keep away from him. The man's a pervert. 989 00:48:48,058 --> 00:48:51,608 ALL: Happy anniversary, Jamie and Dave! 990 00:48:56,567 --> 00:48:58,569 For those of you who don't know me, my name is Mitch Planko. 991 00:48:58,735 --> 00:49:01,113 I was that nut sack's best man 10 years ago. 992 00:49:01,196 --> 00:49:02,197 Here we go. 993 00:49:02,281 --> 00:49:06,331 When we were kids, Dave and I, we had a lot of big plans. 994 00:49:06,493 --> 00:49:08,871 Dave, he was going to be an astronaut, 995 00:49:09,037 --> 00:49:13,087 and I was going to sell dolphins on the black market. 996 00:49:13,250 --> 00:49:14,342 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) (SCOFFS) Astronaut! 997 00:49:14,751 --> 00:49:16,970 There's a reason I'm not selling dolphins. 998 00:49:17,379 --> 00:49:20,132 We live in Atlanta, they're tough to find. 999 00:49:20,299 --> 00:49:23,348 And those things, they don't sleep, 1000 00:49:23,510 --> 00:49:25,308 which also makes it real hard to catch them. 1001 00:49:26,471 --> 00:49:28,724 But I think that we all know 1002 00:49:28,891 --> 00:49:32,566 that life doesn't always turn out exactly how you plan it. 1003 00:49:32,811 --> 00:49:34,563 Sometimes, 1004 00:49:34,730 --> 00:49:36,277 just sometimes, 1005 00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:37,783 it turns out better. 1006 00:49:38,525 --> 00:49:39,868 Dave, /think there's a reason 1007 00:49:39,943 --> 00:49:41,945 that you're not wa/king on the moon right now. 1008 00:49:42,404 --> 00:49:44,702 It's because you belong here, 1009 00:49:45,532 --> 00:49:47,125 in your life, 1010 00:49:47,284 --> 00:49:49,457 with that incredible woman sitting beside you. 1011 00:49:54,249 --> 00:49:57,628 Can we please raise our Kamikaze shots 1012 00:49:57,711 --> 00:49:59,258 to my two best friends, please? 1013 00:50:00,797 --> 00:50:01,798 To Dave and Jamie. 1014 00:50:01,965 --> 00:50:03,808 ALL: Dave and Jamie! 1015 00:50:03,967 --> 00:50:05,310 Happy anniversary. 1016 00:50:05,469 --> 00:50:07,722 ALL: Happy anniversary! 1017 00:50:11,475 --> 00:50:13,477 How did I do? You're such a poet. 1018 00:50:13,644 --> 00:50:15,317 You're Robert Frost. Who? 1019 00:50:15,479 --> 00:50:17,072 It doesn't matter. God, you're good looking. 1020 00:50:17,147 --> 00:50:18,148 Yeah. 1021 00:50:18,232 --> 00:50:19,905 I'm going to meet you in five minutes. All right. 1022 00:50:20,067 --> 00:50:21,114 Okay. 1023 00:50:22,736 --> 00:50:23,988 I took care of you guys, huh? 1024 00:50:25,155 --> 00:50:26,156 We love you. 1025 00:50:26,657 --> 00:50:27,874 Oh... (LAUGHS) 1026 00:50:28,158 --> 00:50:29,410 Come on. Really? 1027 00:50:30,827 --> 00:50:32,625 Hey, buddy. I love you. 1028 00:50:32,788 --> 00:50:34,085 I love you, man. 1029 00:50:35,666 --> 00:50:37,589 How are things going at home? Good? 1030 00:50:38,001 --> 00:50:40,675 Yeah. I mean, come on. 1031 00:50:40,837 --> 00:50:43,966 Yeah. Yeah, it's great. It's fantastic. 1032 00:50:44,132 --> 00:50:45,349 Good. Yeah. 1033 00:50:45,509 --> 00:50:47,011 What about you? What about Sabrina? 1034 00:50:47,469 --> 00:50:51,315 Good. It's good. We're taking things slow, but it's good. 1035 00:50:56,103 --> 00:50:57,696 Is it weird that I miss your penis? 1036 00:50:58,188 --> 00:51:00,441 Come on. It would be weird if you didn't. 1037 00:51:00,524 --> 00:51:03,323 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 1038 00:51:04,236 --> 00:51:05,783 (INAUDIBLE) 1039 00:51:35,142 --> 00:51:36,815 JAMIE: What are we doing here? 1040 00:51:36,893 --> 00:51:39,897 We're doing this. 1041 00:51:40,647 --> 00:51:41,739 Huh? 1042 00:51:42,107 --> 00:51:44,201 A little treat from Uncle Mitch. 1043 00:51:44,276 --> 00:51:45,744 Do you remember how to do this? 1044 00:51:46,903 --> 00:51:48,905 (LAUGHING) okay. 1045 00:51:50,532 --> 00:51:51,749 Oh. 1046 00:51:57,164 --> 00:51:58,416 I know. Mmm. 1047 00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:03,337 (COUGHING) 1048 00:52:04,796 --> 00:52:06,343 it's fun, though, right? 1049 00:52:09,009 --> 00:52:10,761 Yay! Let's go look at some fish. 1050 00:52:10,844 --> 00:52:11,891 Okay. 1051 00:52:12,429 --> 00:52:13,851 MITCH: Oh, God! 1052 00:52:14,097 --> 00:52:15,394 (BOTH MOANING) 1053 00:52:15,474 --> 00:52:17,101 (MITCH EXCLAIMING) 1054 00:52:17,184 --> 00:52:18,652 SABRINA: Oh, my God! 1055 00:52:18,727 --> 00:52:20,354 Ow! What the hell was that? Oh. 1056 00:52:20,437 --> 00:52:21,734 Explain yourself! 1057 00:52:22,397 --> 00:52:24,024 You've never heard of the Bryant Gumbel? 1058 00:52:25,609 --> 00:52:26,781 (PANTING) Let's do that again. 1059 00:52:26,860 --> 00:52:28,453 (SABRINA GIGGLING) 1060 00:52:36,453 --> 00:52:37,796 Why? 1061 00:52:45,629 --> 00:52:48,758 Mitch sent us a video. Yeah? That's weird. 1062 00:52:52,344 --> 00:52:54,472 (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) 1063 00:52:56,681 --> 00:52:58,058 No entry! 1064 00:53:04,981 --> 00:53:07,575 Steve Driver, you perfect bastard, you! 1065 00:53:07,651 --> 00:53:08,652 (UNZIPPING) 1066 00:53:08,860 --> 00:53:10,487 (MONA EXCLAIMING) 1067 00:53:11,029 --> 00:53:12,121 Oh, no. 1068 00:53:12,823 --> 00:53:16,748 Oh, Steve, it's like Christmas in my ass! 1069 00:53:16,827 --> 00:53:18,204 What are you doing with my wife, man? 1070 00:53:18,328 --> 00:53:20,547 DAVE: Dimitri? VALTAN: Hey, join the fuck party. 1071 00:53:20,622 --> 00:53:23,501 Let's make lady sandwich. Okay. 1072 00:53:24,960 --> 00:53:27,463 Oh, my God. Not very well made, huh? 1073 00:53:28,004 --> 00:53:30,928 When was that shot? Who Knows? Probably years ago. 1074 00:53:32,717 --> 00:53:36,062 "Thank you for covering me last week. Love what you did with my hair." 1075 00:53:36,138 --> 00:53:37,230 Hey! 1076 00:53:37,347 --> 00:53:38,348 (JAMIE GASPS) (CLATTERING) 1077 00:53:40,892 --> 00:53:42,394 You got with a man? 1078 00:53:44,229 --> 00:53:47,358 Dimitri was surprisingly gentle, and we were very safe. 1079 00:53:47,691 --> 00:53:48,658 Uh-huh. 1080 00:53:48,733 --> 00:53:50,235 He smelt a little like lamb, though. 1081 00:53:50,652 --> 00:53:53,826 That pooper shot looked real. No. God, please, don't! 1082 00:53:53,905 --> 00:53:55,657 It did. Oh, God. 1083 00:53:55,740 --> 00:53:57,208 Dave? What? 1084 00:53:57,826 --> 00:53:59,419 Can you change my oil? 1085 00:53:59,494 --> 00:54:01,121 (CHUCKLING) No, I can't! 1086 00:54:01,204 --> 00:54:03,423 I'm gonna cut my thumbs off tomorrow, I swear to God. 1087 00:54:03,498 --> 00:54:07,002 And we're gonna destroy that thing first thing in the morning. Okay? 1088 00:54:07,085 --> 00:54:08,678 I don't want you to. I like it. 1089 00:54:08,753 --> 00:54:12,428 Hey, hey! Oh! It's growing in so nicely. 1090 00:54:12,507 --> 00:54:15,886 Yeah. Real in-between phase. 1091 00:54:16,428 --> 00:54:18,396 It's like Sonny Crockett down there.