1 00:00:56,616 --> 00:00:58,334 [PHONE DIALING] 2 00:00:58,496 --> 00:01:00,452 [LINE RINGING] 3 00:01:01,416 --> 00:01:03,691 RECEPTIONIST [ON VOICE MAIL]: You've reached Dr. Stuart Price. 4 00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:07,974 The office will be closed until the 24th. If this is an emergency, please try... 5 00:01:08,416 --> 00:01:09,895 [PHONE DIALING] 6 00:01:10,056 --> 00:01:11,648 [LINE RINGING] 7 00:01:12,136 --> 00:01:13,888 STU [ON VOICE MAIL]: Hi. This is Dr. Stu Price. 8 00:01:14,056 --> 00:01:17,173 I'm getting married, so I'll be out of the country for two weeks. 9 00:01:17,336 --> 00:01:21,727 I'm not sure if I'll have cell service. If this is a dental emergency, plea... 10 00:01:22,056 --> 00:01:23,125 Nothing. 11 00:01:24,336 --> 00:01:27,533 [SPEAKING IN THAl] 12 00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,007 Daddy, please. You're not helping. 13 00:01:31,776 --> 00:01:35,325 [IN ENGLISH] I looked into his eyes. Not the eyes of a man. 14 00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:37,726 The eyes of a coward. 15 00:01:37,896 --> 00:01:39,375 [BOTH CONTINUE SPEAKING IN THAl] 16 00:01:39,536 --> 00:01:41,015 [CELL PHONE VIBRATING] 17 00:01:41,496 --> 00:01:43,248 Excuse me. 18 00:01:47,496 --> 00:01:49,009 - Phil. PHIL [ON PHONE]: Tracy. 19 00:01:49,856 --> 00:01:50,845 I'm sorry. 20 00:01:51,016 --> 00:01:52,893 Where the hell are you? 21 00:01:55,256 --> 00:01:56,609 It happened again. 22 00:01:57,856 --> 00:01:58,845 Don't say that. 23 00:01:59,016 --> 00:02:00,005 Please. 24 00:02:00,176 --> 00:02:02,132 No, this time we really fucked up. 25 00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:04,730 Seriously, what is wrong with you three? 26 00:02:05,216 --> 00:02:08,014 So much, Trace, I don't even know where to begin. 27 00:02:08,176 --> 00:02:10,053 TRAC Y: Oh, God. How bad? 28 00:02:10,896 --> 00:02:12,614 Like no wedding bad? 29 00:02:13,856 --> 00:02:15,005 Yeah. 30 00:02:15,816 --> 00:02:17,852 Little worse than that. 31 00:03:58,056 --> 00:03:59,774 Mm-hm. 32 00:04:01,416 --> 00:04:03,088 You really need to floss more. 33 00:04:03,256 --> 00:04:05,292 Fuck that. That's why I come here. 34 00:04:05,456 --> 00:04:07,765 Then you should come more than once every two years. 35 00:04:07,936 --> 00:04:12,088 - So you could bleed me of all my money? - I never charge you a dime, Phil. 36 00:04:12,256 --> 00:04:15,168 - Hey, how do I work the nitrous? - Uh, you don't, actually. 37 00:04:15,336 --> 00:04:17,247 Come on. Just one hit. 38 00:04:18,136 --> 00:04:21,048 Fillings look pretty good. Any other problems? 39 00:04:21,536 --> 00:04:25,085 Yeah, actually. You're getting married in Thailand. 40 00:04:25,256 --> 00:04:29,044 For starters, that's flights for me and Steph. That's two grand right there. 41 00:04:29,216 --> 00:04:30,615 My mother-in-law's watching the kids. 42 00:04:30,776 --> 00:04:32,926 Now she's got this whole new thing to hold over my head. 43 00:04:33,096 --> 00:04:35,007 Plus it takes five days to get there. 44 00:04:35,176 --> 00:04:38,532 It's a 16-hour flight. And it's beautiful when you get there. 45 00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:40,732 - Whatever. It's a hassle. - It is kind of far. 46 00:04:41,096 --> 00:04:43,485 Lauren's been there a week and she's still jet-lagged. 47 00:04:43,656 --> 00:04:45,726 It's where her parents are from. It means a lot. 48 00:04:45,896 --> 00:04:48,854 Who gives a shit about her parents? Her dad hates you. 49 00:04:49,616 --> 00:04:51,334 He doesn't hate me. 50 00:04:51,496 --> 00:04:54,056 He's just never spoken to me. I think it's a cultural thing. 51 00:04:54,216 --> 00:04:57,128 Why can't you get married in Vegas like last time? So much easier. 52 00:04:57,296 --> 00:05:00,288 Why can't you just be excited for me? 53 00:05:00,456 --> 00:05:02,526 This is my wedding. 54 00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,284 You're really happy, huh? 55 00:05:08,936 --> 00:05:10,688 I really am. 56 00:05:13,896 --> 00:05:16,615 All right. I'm happy too. 57 00:05:18,696 --> 00:05:19,765 Thank you. 58 00:05:19,936 --> 00:05:21,085 It's gonna be fun. 59 00:05:21,256 --> 00:05:22,848 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 60 00:05:23,336 --> 00:05:25,896 Phil? Put the prescription pad back. 61 00:05:40,456 --> 00:05:42,811 Thank you. You know that's a felony, right? 62 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,455 Fuck you, man. 63 00:05:45,296 --> 00:05:48,606 - Was this right up against your scrotum? - Yep. 64 00:05:50,736 --> 00:05:52,772 TRAC Y: Oh, my God. I just realized. DOUG: What? 65 00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:54,608 TRAC Y: I forgot to renew my passport. 66 00:05:54,776 --> 00:05:55,970 Oh, no. 67 00:05:56,136 --> 00:05:59,253 Good thing I did it last week. It's in the kitchen drawer. 68 00:06:00,016 --> 00:06:01,051 You're the best. 69 00:06:01,216 --> 00:06:02,854 Hey, we're a team. 70 00:06:03,016 --> 00:06:07,646 No, I mean, you are a good guy. Like, a really good guy. 71 00:06:08,776 --> 00:06:09,811 Thank you. 72 00:06:09,976 --> 00:06:11,728 So I know you're not gonna get mad. 73 00:06:12,256 --> 00:06:14,167 Mad? What...? Mad at what? 74 00:06:14,736 --> 00:06:17,489 Alan found out that we're going to Thailand for Stu's wedding. 75 00:06:17,656 --> 00:06:18,645 So? 76 00:06:18,816 --> 00:06:21,569 So he's heartbroken, Doug. You guys are like his family. 77 00:06:21,736 --> 00:06:23,647 No, your family is like his family. 78 00:06:24,216 --> 00:06:28,368 All Alan talks about is the three of you. And that weekend. 79 00:06:28,536 --> 00:06:31,004 Wait. Is he the one that keeps calling and hanging up? 80 00:06:31,496 --> 00:06:35,648 He does that when he's upset. He doesn't understand why he's not invited. 81 00:06:36,256 --> 00:06:37,735 Could you just run it by Stu? 82 00:06:38,256 --> 00:06:40,247 Just run it by him. 83 00:06:40,736 --> 00:06:41,930 For me? 84 00:06:44,336 --> 00:06:45,564 STU: No fucking way. 85 00:06:45,736 --> 00:06:47,010 Absolutely not. 86 00:06:47,176 --> 00:06:49,531 Come on, Stu. It's killing him. 87 00:06:49,696 --> 00:06:51,015 I don't care. 88 00:06:51,176 --> 00:06:53,167 Honestly, the two of you were barely invited. 89 00:06:53,336 --> 00:06:55,008 PHIL: Oh. - All right. I get it. I really do. 90 00:06:55,176 --> 00:06:58,373 Just, you know what? Alan considers you to be one of his best friends. 91 00:06:58,536 --> 00:07:00,015 I consider Alan to be insane. 92 00:07:00,176 --> 00:07:01,245 PHIL: Stu, throw him a bone. 93 00:07:01,416 --> 00:07:03,611 His dad pays for everything he eats and breaks. 94 00:07:03,776 --> 00:07:06,370 We should squeeze the old man to cover the bachelor party. 95 00:07:06,536 --> 00:07:07,525 That's good. 96 00:07:07,696 --> 00:07:12,531 I'm glad you brought that up, because this is the bachelor party. 97 00:07:12,696 --> 00:07:14,288 - What? - What are you talking about? 98 00:07:14,456 --> 00:07:16,287 Yeah. It's my bachelor brunch. 99 00:07:16,456 --> 00:07:21,530 Go crazy. Get some chocolate-chip pancakes, a lap dance from the waitress. 100 00:07:22,136 --> 00:07:26,015 That's bullshit. Ha, ha. You can't just skip out of a bachelor party, Stu. 101 00:07:26,176 --> 00:07:29,612 You see that? That's orange juice with a napkin on top. 102 00:07:29,776 --> 00:07:32,370 Do you know why? So nobody roofies me. 103 00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:35,209 Well, I refuse to eat fucking cantaloupe at a bachelor party. 104 00:07:35,376 --> 00:07:37,367 Come on. Don't you think you're overreacting? 105 00:07:37,536 --> 00:07:39,527 No, I don't. 106 00:07:39,896 --> 00:07:43,491 I'm still putting the broken pieces of my psyche back together. 107 00:07:43,656 --> 00:07:44,884 [CHUCKLES] 108 00:07:45,056 --> 00:07:46,967 And you know what the glue is? 109 00:07:47,136 --> 00:07:50,287 Lauren. And I'm not doing anything to screw that up. 110 00:07:50,456 --> 00:07:53,448 - You wouldn't be with her if not for us. - Oh, this'll be good. 111 00:07:53,616 --> 00:07:55,971 Stu, think about it. You ended up ditching Melissa. 112 00:07:56,136 --> 00:07:58,127 Two years later, you met your true soul mate. 113 00:07:58,296 --> 00:08:01,891 You take Vegas out of that equation, you would have married a cunt. 114 00:08:03,176 --> 00:08:05,246 It's okay. I'm allowed to say it. It's a bachelor party. 115 00:08:05,416 --> 00:08:06,815 Drink up, everybody. 116 00:08:06,976 --> 00:08:09,649 Wait, there's no alcohol. I forgot, we're at a fucking IHOP. 117 00:08:09,816 --> 00:08:12,774 Well, it's my decision and it's final, so how about a toast? 118 00:08:12,936 --> 00:08:16,611 - This sucks. I'm gonna wait in the car. - Come on, Phil. Where you going? 119 00:08:16,776 --> 00:08:19,131 I just don't get it. He's getting married in Thailand. 120 00:08:19,296 --> 00:08:22,049 That's great for him, but what about us? You're just selfish. 121 00:08:22,576 --> 00:08:24,089 Come on, sweetheart. 122 00:08:25,336 --> 00:08:26,371 Shame on you. 123 00:08:29,696 --> 00:08:32,256 Don't worry, Stu. I will stand up for you no matter what. 124 00:08:32,416 --> 00:08:33,644 Thank you. 125 00:08:33,816 --> 00:08:36,614 But you gotta help me out with this Alan thing. 126 00:08:38,856 --> 00:08:41,006 SID: Guys, I can't tell you how much this means. 127 00:08:41,176 --> 00:08:44,532 Alan's been waiting for the invite ever since he got wind of the wedding. 128 00:08:44,696 --> 00:08:45,685 I'm sure he has. 129 00:08:45,856 --> 00:08:48,928 Yeah, he's been standing outside by the mailbox every day. 130 00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:51,656 - Wow, that's rough. - Yeah. I, uh... 131 00:08:51,816 --> 00:08:56,128 I'm not quite sure he ever left Vegas, you know? He really needs this. 132 00:08:56,696 --> 00:08:58,368 [KNOCKS ON DOOR] 133 00:08:58,536 --> 00:08:59,651 ALAN: What? 134 00:09:00,416 --> 00:09:03,055 Sweetie, it's Pa Pa. You have visitors. 135 00:09:03,216 --> 00:09:06,845 Go in slowly, give him a chance to acclimate. 136 00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:10,690 DOUG: Hey, Alan. 137 00:09:11,816 --> 00:09:13,044 Hey, guys. 138 00:09:13,536 --> 00:09:15,606 - Hey, Phil. - Hey, bud. 139 00:09:17,496 --> 00:09:19,327 [STAMMERING] Uh... Uh, you guys wanna come in? 140 00:09:19,496 --> 00:09:21,612 - Sure. - Yeah, absolutely. 141 00:09:22,816 --> 00:09:23,805 - Hey. - Hey. 142 00:09:23,976 --> 00:09:25,045 Hey. 143 00:09:25,896 --> 00:09:28,410 - Hey, Stu. - Okay. See you on the court in half... 144 00:09:31,176 --> 00:09:32,370 Pretty cool room, Alan. 145 00:09:32,536 --> 00:09:34,970 Oh, thanks, Phil. My dad pays my rent. 146 00:09:35,136 --> 00:09:36,774 Alan, what the fuck? 147 00:09:36,936 --> 00:09:40,292 We were supposed to delete these. You made a promise. 148 00:09:40,456 --> 00:09:43,209 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell? 149 00:09:43,376 --> 00:09:46,129 I'm not cool with this at all. You can't have these. 150 00:09:46,696 --> 00:09:49,051 PHIL: Ha, ha. - Chillax, Stu. Nobody ever comes in here. 151 00:09:49,216 --> 00:09:50,729 Total violation of trust. 152 00:09:50,896 --> 00:09:52,932 Mother, I'm done with my lunch. It's just sitting here. 153 00:09:53,096 --> 00:09:54,211 [INTERCOM BEEPS] 154 00:09:54,376 --> 00:09:56,367 LINDA [OVER INTERCOM]: Sorry, honey. I'll be right up. 155 00:09:56,536 --> 00:09:58,367 ALAN: Can't believe you stopped by. This is cool. 156 00:09:58,536 --> 00:10:00,208 Wait a second. Al, is that Mr. Chow? 157 00:10:00,376 --> 00:10:02,332 Yeah. We still keep in touch. 158 00:10:02,816 --> 00:10:04,044 Stu. 159 00:10:04,216 --> 00:10:06,366 - The guy that kidnapped us? - He didn't kidnap us. 160 00:10:06,536 --> 00:10:08,208 He kidnapped Black Doug. Remember? 161 00:10:08,376 --> 00:10:10,844 It was a whole big misunderstanding. He's actually quite charming. 162 00:10:11,016 --> 00:10:12,131 [DOOR OPENS] 163 00:10:12,296 --> 00:10:14,685 - Alan, he's a criminal. - Excuse me, boys. 164 00:10:14,856 --> 00:10:16,494 - Hi, Linda. LINDA: Hi, Dougie. 165 00:10:16,656 --> 00:10:19,409 I guess we don't do dessert anymore. I didn't get that memo. 166 00:10:19,576 --> 00:10:21,692 Well, I'm sorry, darling. I'll be right back. 167 00:10:22,296 --> 00:10:23,968 Would a cupcake kill you? 168 00:10:24,496 --> 00:10:28,045 - I don't think this was a good idea. - Alan, we have a little surprise for you. 169 00:10:28,736 --> 00:10:31,694 Stu would like to invite you to his wedding. 170 00:10:32,056 --> 00:10:33,489 Well, only if you're not busy. 171 00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:35,365 Stu. 172 00:10:35,536 --> 00:10:37,572 Well, maybe the Jonas Brothers are in town. 173 00:10:37,736 --> 00:10:39,886 No. They're in Raleigh-Durham that weekend. 174 00:10:40,656 --> 00:10:42,135 STU: Mm. 175 00:10:42,296 --> 00:10:46,005 Are you really being serious, Stu? You're inviting me? 176 00:10:49,576 --> 00:10:52,249 Yeah, why not? Could be fun, right? 177 00:10:54,616 --> 00:10:56,925 - Phil, are you going? - Of course. 178 00:10:58,096 --> 00:10:59,973 Then it will be fun. 179 00:11:05,736 --> 00:11:08,933 STU: Ah! - Whoa, what the fuck are you doing, man? 180 00:11:10,096 --> 00:11:12,690 It's my immunizations. This is the last day I can do it. 181 00:11:13,656 --> 00:11:15,965 That's supposed to be done by a registered nurse. 182 00:11:16,136 --> 00:11:18,525 I am a nurse. I'm just not registered. 183 00:11:18,816 --> 00:11:20,568 Oh, Stu, look at this. 184 00:11:20,736 --> 00:11:22,488 I bought this because I thought of you. 185 00:11:57,816 --> 00:11:59,966 STU: Hey, there he is. - Hey, Stu. 186 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:03,492 - Teddy. What's up? How are you? TEDD Y: Good to see you, man. 187 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,533 STU: All right. - Who's this guy, Stu? 188 00:12:05,696 --> 00:12:07,527 This is Teddy, Lauren's little brother. 189 00:12:07,696 --> 00:12:10,335 Goes to Stanford. Premed. This is Phil, Alan and Doug. 190 00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:13,966 DOUG: Hey, nice to meet you, man. - Wow, Stanford? How old are you? 191 00:12:14,296 --> 00:12:16,685 TEDD Y: I'm... - Uh, he's 17. Kind of a genius. 192 00:12:16,856 --> 00:12:18,255 Actually, I'm 16. 193 00:12:18,416 --> 00:12:21,647 And I'm not a genius. My dad just had me take the entrance exams early. 194 00:12:21,816 --> 00:12:23,408 Because you're a genius. 195 00:12:24,696 --> 00:12:27,164 - So, what are you, a doctor? - No. Not yet. I'm premed. 196 00:12:27,336 --> 00:12:29,850 Ever heard of that guy Doogie Howser? 197 00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:33,133 - Yeah. - Well, he turned out to be a gay. 198 00:12:33,296 --> 00:12:35,890 - Alan. - It's true. I read it in Teen People. 199 00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:39,048 Right. Okay, well, I'm gonna grab a book or something for the plane. 200 00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:40,251 You guys want anything? 201 00:12:40,416 --> 00:12:41,405 - No, thanks. DOUG: I'm good. 202 00:12:41,576 --> 00:12:43,168 I would actually love a Smartwater. 203 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:44,485 Cool. 204 00:12:45,376 --> 00:12:46,650 Thanks. 205 00:12:46,856 --> 00:12:49,734 - What's the matter with you? He's 16. - Yeah, Alan. Take it easy. 206 00:12:49,896 --> 00:12:52,615 I'm a little confused. Is he here just to see us off or what? 207 00:12:52,776 --> 00:12:54,846 - How does this work? - How does what work? 208 00:12:55,016 --> 00:12:56,893 Is that person coming to the wedding? 209 00:12:57,856 --> 00:13:01,405 Yes, Alan. My bride's little brother is coming to the wedding. 210 00:13:01,576 --> 00:13:02,770 Is that okay with you? 211 00:13:02,936 --> 00:13:06,451 Well, it's just the first time I've heard of it. You could have paged me. 212 00:13:08,776 --> 00:13:09,765 [DOUG SIGHS] 213 00:13:09,936 --> 00:13:12,689 Don't overreact. It's gonna be fine. 214 00:13:15,136 --> 00:13:17,172 Hey. Mind if I sit? 215 00:13:17,336 --> 00:13:21,329 - Wolf pack only. Find another chair. - There's no wolf pack, Alan. 216 00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:23,612 - Come on. - It's no problem. I can find... 217 00:13:23,776 --> 00:13:27,291 - Don't be ridiculous. You're sitting here. - Careful. That's a Louis... 218 00:13:27,456 --> 00:13:29,253 That is a Louis Vuitton. 219 00:13:31,496 --> 00:13:32,645 TEDD Y: Thanks. 220 00:13:38,416 --> 00:13:39,929 That's a nice neck roll. 221 00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:44,086 Thanks. You can use it if you want. 222 00:13:44,696 --> 00:13:45,890 Okay. 223 00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:56,290 LAUREN: Baby! Hi! Oh, my God! 224 00:14:56,456 --> 00:14:57,969 STU: Ah. 225 00:14:58,776 --> 00:15:01,734 - How was your trip? - It was long, but good. 226 00:15:07,536 --> 00:15:11,893 STU: This is so absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much. 227 00:15:12,056 --> 00:15:13,091 Of course. 228 00:15:13,256 --> 00:15:15,406 Between Teddy and me, you must be pretty excited. 229 00:15:15,576 --> 00:15:17,851 Pretty soon you'll have two doctors in the family. Ha, ha. 230 00:15:18,216 --> 00:15:22,175 You have to realize that in my country, we don't consider dentist to be real doctors. 231 00:15:22,336 --> 00:15:23,530 Dad. 232 00:15:24,056 --> 00:15:25,045 Okay. 233 00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:28,811 Anyway, I have to go and talk to Teddy about his cello performance tonight. 234 00:15:28,976 --> 00:15:30,204 See you. 235 00:15:31,336 --> 00:15:33,725 - Ouch. - I'm so sorry. 236 00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:36,171 Your dad's kind of obsessed with your brother. 237 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:38,167 LAUREN: Teddy is my dad's prized possession. 238 00:15:38,336 --> 00:15:40,213 It's always been that way. 239 00:15:41,016 --> 00:15:43,371 He'll warm up. I promise. Okay? 240 00:15:43,536 --> 00:15:46,289 ALAN: If you just fax it over to me, I'll pick it up from concierge. 241 00:15:46,456 --> 00:15:48,731 Okay. Ha, ha. Thanks, Pa Pa. 242 00:15:48,896 --> 00:15:49,885 Bye-bye. 243 00:15:50,056 --> 00:15:52,854 That was, uh, my dad. I'm a stay-at-home son. 244 00:15:53,016 --> 00:15:55,928 We were discussing your wedding gift. He's sparing no expense. 245 00:15:56,096 --> 00:15:59,088 Oh, that's so unnecessary. 246 00:15:59,256 --> 00:16:01,850 I've been, uh, meaning to ask. I noticed it's a fishing village. 247 00:16:02,016 --> 00:16:03,927 Is there a Long John Silver's on the island? 248 00:16:04,096 --> 00:16:06,815 You know, no, I don't think so. I'm so sorry. 249 00:16:06,976 --> 00:16:10,207 But we are actually serving some great fresh seafood. 250 00:16:10,376 --> 00:16:13,015 - Better than Long John's? - Yes. 251 00:16:13,296 --> 00:16:15,332 I'll be the judge of that. Enjoy your evening. 252 00:16:15,496 --> 00:16:18,215 You too. Okay. 253 00:16:21,816 --> 00:16:26,446 [PLAYING BACH'S "SUITE NO. 1 IN G"] 254 00:16:52,976 --> 00:16:55,012 All right. 255 00:17:00,456 --> 00:17:01,935 Thank you, Teddy. 256 00:17:02,736 --> 00:17:05,204 The hands of a brilliant musician... 257 00:17:05,376 --> 00:17:07,492 ...and one day, a great surgeon. 258 00:17:09,856 --> 00:17:11,130 I admit it. 259 00:17:12,256 --> 00:17:14,850 When I first met Stu, I was not quite sold. 260 00:17:15,016 --> 00:17:17,052 [STU SNICKERS AND ALL CHUCKLE] 261 00:17:17,216 --> 00:17:19,571 He seemed unattractive. 262 00:17:19,736 --> 00:17:22,534 He lacked intelligence and imagination. 263 00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:26,613 He was missing that spark you look for in a man. 264 00:17:28,936 --> 00:17:31,769 But then I look into Stu's eyes. 265 00:17:31,936 --> 00:17:35,167 He reminded me of my sweet brother, Chaiyo. 266 00:17:36,616 --> 00:17:37,731 For those who do not know... 267 00:17:37,896 --> 00:17:40,774 ...Chaiyo is learning-disabled and lives in a group home. 268 00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:42,528 [ALAN LAUGHS] 269 00:17:44,296 --> 00:17:47,493 But Chaiyo loves chok. 270 00:17:48,136 --> 00:17:49,251 And that's when I realized... 271 00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:50,735 [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] 272 00:17:50,896 --> 00:17:53,410 ...Stu is chok. 273 00:17:54,096 --> 00:17:55,324 [WHISPERS] What's chok? 274 00:17:56,296 --> 00:17:59,652 Chok is soft white rice in lukewarm water. 275 00:17:59,816 --> 00:18:01,966 It has no taste. 276 00:18:02,136 --> 00:18:06,288 We feed it to small baby and very old people. 277 00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:10,049 It is nourishment that everyone can digest. 278 00:18:10,416 --> 00:18:12,452 The world needs chok. 279 00:18:12,616 --> 00:18:15,574 Just as the world needs people like Stu. 280 00:18:18,696 --> 00:18:21,654 To my sweet daughter and Stu. Congratulations. 281 00:18:21,816 --> 00:18:25,047 PHIL: Hear, hear. DOUG: Cheers, guys. 282 00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:30,205 And now I believe that Teddy has something to say. 283 00:18:32,296 --> 00:18:34,412 Sit down. I got this. 284 00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:35,970 Sit down, boy. 285 00:18:37,256 --> 00:18:39,292 That was, uh, a great speech, sir. 286 00:18:39,976 --> 00:18:44,606 I like the comparisons between, uh, Stu and rice. 287 00:18:46,496 --> 00:18:49,329 I've also prepared a few words. 288 00:18:50,056 --> 00:18:52,286 "Hey, everybody, here are some fun facts. 289 00:18:53,376 --> 00:18:56,049 The population in Thailand is 63 million people. 290 00:18:56,216 --> 00:18:58,286 It is twice the size of Wyoming. 291 00:18:58,896 --> 00:19:02,525 Its chief exports are textiles, footwear and rice. 292 00:19:02,696 --> 00:19:07,724 Each year, approximately 13,000 people are killed in car accidents in Thailand. 293 00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:09,648 - The climate in Thailand is..." DOUG: Alan, uh... 294 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:13,206 Alan, why don't you skip to the last card there, buddy? 295 00:19:13,416 --> 00:19:15,088 Okay. Sorry. 296 00:19:17,096 --> 00:19:18,085 [SIGHS] 297 00:19:18,256 --> 00:19:20,770 "None of you know Stu like I do." 298 00:19:20,936 --> 00:19:23,734 Not you. Not you. 299 00:19:24,416 --> 00:19:26,486 Not you. Not you. 300 00:19:26,656 --> 00:19:28,851 Not nobody knows Stu like I do. 301 00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:32,570 No one. 302 00:19:33,576 --> 00:19:35,771 "I can't even tell you what we've been through... 303 00:19:35,936 --> 00:19:38,689 ...because we made a pact more important than blood. 304 00:19:39,816 --> 00:19:41,488 What I can tell you is this: 305 00:19:41,656 --> 00:19:43,612 This is not Stu's first marriage. 306 00:19:44,856 --> 00:19:46,972 There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ago..." 307 00:19:47,136 --> 00:19:49,889 [WHISPERS] All right, time's up. You can sit down, bud. You can sit down. 308 00:19:50,616 --> 00:19:53,449 - It was good. I did good, though. - Oh, God, you killed it. 309 00:19:53,616 --> 00:19:56,255 - Okay. Thanks, Phil. - Sit down. Yeah. 310 00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:05,969 In your face. 311 00:20:09,536 --> 00:20:12,209 Well, that was exactly as painful as I expected it to be. 312 00:20:12,376 --> 00:20:14,173 Ha, ha. Sorry. 313 00:20:15,656 --> 00:20:17,408 Oh, rice pudding! What are you doing? 314 00:20:17,576 --> 00:20:19,134 Ha, ha, ha. Very funny, Phil. 315 00:20:19,296 --> 00:20:21,173 Be nice, Phil. He's extra sensitive tonight. 316 00:20:21,456 --> 00:20:25,244 Get over it. He's your father-in-law. He's supposed to hate you. 317 00:20:25,416 --> 00:20:27,486 Come have a drink with me and the guys. 318 00:20:27,656 --> 00:20:31,774 You know, I'm really exhausted. We're just gonna go upstairs and crash. 319 00:20:31,936 --> 00:20:34,575 I spoke with the manager. He'll let us have a beach bonfire. 320 00:20:34,736 --> 00:20:36,408 That sounds fun. 321 00:20:36,576 --> 00:20:39,454 Nah. I'm good. 322 00:20:39,616 --> 00:20:40,605 He's tired. 323 00:20:40,776 --> 00:20:43,529 Stu. One drink with your friends. They came all this way. 324 00:20:43,696 --> 00:20:47,245 - I just wanna hang out with you. - Oh, come on, just go and do me a favor: 325 00:20:47,416 --> 00:20:49,532 Take Teddy with you. 326 00:20:49,696 --> 00:20:51,129 He never gets to have any fun. 327 00:20:51,296 --> 00:20:53,252 That is a great idea. Bring the kid. 328 00:20:54,016 --> 00:20:55,768 - All right. One drink. LAUREN: Perfect. 329 00:20:55,936 --> 00:20:56,925 - See? - You win. 330 00:20:57,096 --> 00:20:58,529 STU: See you later. LAUREN: Have fun. 331 00:20:58,696 --> 00:21:01,369 STEPHANIE: Got your key? - Uh, yep. Got it right there. 332 00:21:01,536 --> 00:21:04,289 - I'll see you in 20 minutes. - [MOUTHS] I love you. 333 00:21:06,576 --> 00:21:10,012 My Uncle Roger said that he once saw a albino polar bear. 334 00:21:10,176 --> 00:21:11,973 Really? Polar bears are white. 335 00:21:12,136 --> 00:21:13,888 How would he know if it's an albino? 336 00:21:16,136 --> 00:21:17,364 This one was black. 337 00:21:20,296 --> 00:21:22,605 Did you ever think maybe it was just a black bear? 338 00:21:26,656 --> 00:21:27,645 Whatevs. 339 00:21:28,256 --> 00:21:30,372 - Okay. Here we go. ALAN: All right. 340 00:21:30,536 --> 00:21:32,492 - American beer. DOUG: Let's do it. 341 00:21:32,656 --> 00:21:34,055 Sealed bottles. 342 00:21:34,216 --> 00:21:35,649 Thank you. All right. 343 00:21:35,816 --> 00:21:38,535 Um, I'm not really old enough to drink. 344 00:21:38,696 --> 00:21:41,335 Yeah, it's illegal. Be a shame if somebody reported you. 345 00:21:42,256 --> 00:21:44,087 Nobody's reporting anybody. 346 00:21:44,256 --> 00:21:46,212 It's fine, Teddy. Have a little fun. 347 00:21:46,376 --> 00:21:48,207 ALAN: Careful. PHIL: What? Oh. 348 00:21:48,416 --> 00:21:51,647 What is this? Roasting marshmallows? Nice touch. 349 00:21:51,816 --> 00:21:55,172 DOUG: That was Alan's idea. - Oh. Good thinking, Alan. 350 00:21:56,016 --> 00:22:00,214 You know, I gotta hand it to you, Stu. This place is paradise. 351 00:22:00,376 --> 00:22:01,604 Not bad, right? 352 00:22:01,776 --> 00:22:05,689 And I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually jealous of you. 353 00:22:05,856 --> 00:22:07,812 I mean, Lauren is an angel. 354 00:22:07,976 --> 00:22:09,887 Yeah, she really is amazing. 355 00:22:10,056 --> 00:22:11,250 Wow, you guys are sweet. 356 00:22:11,416 --> 00:22:16,171 Not big breasts on her, but still, solid rack for an Asian. 357 00:22:16,336 --> 00:22:17,735 Sorry, Teddy, but it's true. 358 00:22:18,216 --> 00:22:19,205 That's okay. 359 00:22:19,376 --> 00:22:24,530 That is just wildly inappropriate. And yet I'm really glad you're here. 360 00:22:24,696 --> 00:22:26,129 All you guys. 361 00:22:26,496 --> 00:22:27,485 Even you, Alan. 362 00:22:28,616 --> 00:22:31,176 It means a lot that you made the trip. Thank you. 363 00:22:31,336 --> 00:22:32,610 Wouldn't miss it, buddy. 364 00:22:33,216 --> 00:22:36,447 Great. Now can we have our one fucking beer, Dad? 365 00:22:36,616 --> 00:22:37,685 Mm-hm. 366 00:22:38,496 --> 00:22:39,770 All right. Toast. 367 00:22:39,936 --> 00:22:41,892 Come on, stand up, guys. 368 00:22:42,496 --> 00:22:44,293 Come over here, Alan. 369 00:22:45,736 --> 00:22:48,409 To Lauren and Stu. 370 00:22:48,696 --> 00:22:50,573 - You did it, buddy. - You sure did. 371 00:22:50,736 --> 00:22:52,135 ALL: Cheers. 372 00:24:00,976 --> 00:24:02,773 [GROANS] 373 00:24:06,616 --> 00:24:08,493 What the hell? 374 00:24:22,856 --> 00:24:24,448 [COUGHS] 375 00:24:27,016 --> 00:24:28,529 [SIGHS] 376 00:24:29,576 --> 00:24:31,612 [PEOPLE SHOUTING NEARBY] 377 00:24:39,136 --> 00:24:41,092 [GROANING] 378 00:24:46,096 --> 00:24:47,324 What? 379 00:24:49,056 --> 00:24:50,535 ALAN: No. 380 00:24:52,056 --> 00:24:54,206 [GRUNTING AND GROANING] 381 00:25:12,096 --> 00:25:13,575 Phil? 382 00:25:14,536 --> 00:25:16,652 I think it's happened again. 383 00:25:17,256 --> 00:25:19,326 Alan, what the fuck did you do? 384 00:25:19,496 --> 00:25:22,215 I didn't do anything. I swear to God. 385 00:25:22,896 --> 00:25:25,012 Your hair is gone. 386 00:25:26,616 --> 00:25:28,015 No, no. 387 00:25:28,456 --> 00:25:29,730 Up. 388 00:25:30,896 --> 00:25:32,375 [ALAN CHUCKLES] 389 00:25:35,296 --> 00:25:37,366 Where the fuck are we? 390 00:25:38,376 --> 00:25:40,128 [THUD] 391 00:25:40,296 --> 00:25:42,332 [ELECTRICITY POWERING DOWN] 392 00:25:45,656 --> 00:25:46,975 [WHISPERS] Phil, I'm scared. 393 00:25:47,136 --> 00:25:48,410 [MOANING NEARBY] 394 00:25:56,616 --> 00:25:58,049 [GROANS] 395 00:25:58,376 --> 00:26:01,095 Stu, come on, get up. We got a situation. 396 00:26:01,576 --> 00:26:04,215 [STU MOANING LOUDLY] 397 00:26:08,776 --> 00:26:10,971 Oh, holy shit. 398 00:26:11,656 --> 00:26:13,533 Where are we? 399 00:26:15,616 --> 00:26:18,847 Oh, my God, Alan. Your head. 400 00:26:19,216 --> 00:26:20,774 No, your head. 401 00:26:21,176 --> 00:26:22,370 He's bald. 402 00:26:22,536 --> 00:26:25,209 Stu, you're gonna freak out, but it's gonna be okay. 403 00:26:25,376 --> 00:26:27,412 Why? What's...? Is it my teeth? 404 00:26:27,576 --> 00:26:28,725 - It's not your teeth. ALAN: No. 405 00:26:28,896 --> 00:26:30,170 - Are you sure? - Yep. 406 00:26:30,336 --> 00:26:32,372 - Did you check the bottoms? - I did. 407 00:26:34,776 --> 00:26:36,607 Oh, my God. 408 00:26:37,096 --> 00:26:39,815 What the fuck? Ow! 409 00:26:41,256 --> 00:26:43,816 That's good. Why don't you try to wash it off? 410 00:26:43,976 --> 00:26:45,250 STU: It's not coming off! 411 00:26:46,656 --> 00:26:49,011 This is a real tattoo! 412 00:26:49,616 --> 00:26:51,447 Alan, what did you do? Did you roofie me? 413 00:26:51,616 --> 00:26:54,813 - I didn't do anything. - Stu, he swore to God. 414 00:26:56,456 --> 00:26:57,525 What happened? 415 00:26:57,696 --> 00:26:58,765 [MONKEY SCREECHING] 416 00:26:58,936 --> 00:26:59,925 [ALL YELLING] 417 00:27:00,096 --> 00:27:02,166 PHIL: Oh, jeez! STU: What is it?! What is it?! 418 00:27:02,336 --> 00:27:04,213 Help! Back there! What are you?! 419 00:27:04,776 --> 00:27:06,004 ALAN: Did you see that jump? 420 00:27:06,176 --> 00:27:08,770 - Oh, what the hell?! - Oh, it's a monkey. 421 00:27:09,416 --> 00:27:11,884 Look at the cute little vest. Hi, little monkey. 422 00:27:12,056 --> 00:27:13,728 Alan. Alan. 423 00:27:14,536 --> 00:27:15,605 Butthole. 424 00:27:15,776 --> 00:27:16,765 [CHATTERING] 425 00:27:16,936 --> 00:27:17,925 [CELL PHONE RINGS] 426 00:27:18,096 --> 00:27:19,085 - Phone. - Hi, monkey. 427 00:27:19,256 --> 00:27:21,212 Look, Alan, Alan, go find the phone. 428 00:27:22,296 --> 00:27:23,649 I got it. 429 00:27:24,616 --> 00:27:26,208 Doug. Doug. Where the hell are you? 430 00:27:26,376 --> 00:27:29,049 I'm at breakfast. By the pool. You guys coming down or what? 431 00:27:29,216 --> 00:27:31,730 Oh, Jesus. Thank God. Doug's fine. 432 00:27:31,896 --> 00:27:34,046 Stu, Doug's fine! He's at the resort. 433 00:27:34,216 --> 00:27:35,808 Why aren't we at the resort? 434 00:27:35,976 --> 00:27:37,455 What's going on? Where are you? 435 00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:41,012 I don't know, man. We woke up in some shithole room in some city. 436 00:27:41,176 --> 00:27:43,326 DOUG: Oh, God. What city? 437 00:27:43,496 --> 00:27:46,374 I don't know, Doug. Fucking Asia Town. 438 00:27:46,856 --> 00:27:48,733 I don't know. I told you. 439 00:27:48,896 --> 00:27:50,534 Where are we? 440 00:27:50,696 --> 00:27:52,527 PHIL: I have no fucking idea. 441 00:27:55,336 --> 00:27:57,725 ALAN: Hey, Stu. - What? 442 00:27:58,296 --> 00:28:00,127 Check this out. 443 00:28:01,336 --> 00:28:03,486 You ever seen anything like this? 444 00:28:10,216 --> 00:28:12,446 - What is that? ALAN: Careful! 445 00:28:12,616 --> 00:28:15,813 Might be a spider's nest. I've tangled with those before. 446 00:28:16,936 --> 00:28:20,485 I don't get it, man. I mean, we each had one beer last night, right? 447 00:28:20,656 --> 00:28:23,454 - I mean, you too. - Yeah, but I left early, remember? 448 00:28:23,616 --> 00:28:25,095 PHIL: I don't remember shit. 449 00:28:25,256 --> 00:28:27,645 Tracy wasn't feeling well. She came down to get me. 450 00:28:28,136 --> 00:28:29,854 Wait a second. Is Teddy with you guys? 451 00:28:30,016 --> 00:28:32,086 PHIL: Teddy? What? What are you talking about? 452 00:28:32,256 --> 00:28:34,531 They've been looking for him all morning. 453 00:28:34,696 --> 00:28:37,256 - Teddy went to Stanford, right? DOUG: Yeah. Why? 454 00:28:37,856 --> 00:28:39,005 Fuck! 455 00:28:39,176 --> 00:28:40,768 [PANTING] 456 00:28:41,176 --> 00:28:42,211 I just found his finger. 457 00:28:42,816 --> 00:28:44,169 DOUG: What? 458 00:28:44,776 --> 00:28:47,165 I just found his fucking finger, Doug. 459 00:28:47,336 --> 00:28:48,689 Phil, what is going on? 460 00:28:49,536 --> 00:28:52,130 [STAMMERING] All right. All right, all right, all right. 461 00:28:52,296 --> 00:28:54,856 This is what we're gonna do. Tell the girls that we woke up early... 462 00:28:55,016 --> 00:28:56,927 ...and went on a fishing trip. That's where we are. 463 00:28:57,096 --> 00:28:59,087 - Right. - All right, stay by the phone. 464 00:29:00,736 --> 00:29:01,851 Shit! 465 00:29:05,416 --> 00:29:08,010 PHIL: All right, we got a little bit of a problem. 466 00:29:09,136 --> 00:29:10,854 What is that? 467 00:29:11,656 --> 00:29:13,294 We don't know. 468 00:29:13,976 --> 00:29:15,887 Is it a worm? 469 00:29:16,176 --> 00:29:18,167 It's a mushroom. 470 00:29:19,656 --> 00:29:21,408 Yeah, shiitake. 471 00:29:22,336 --> 00:29:25,294 Monkey, taste it. What do you think? Is it shiitake? 472 00:29:25,456 --> 00:29:26,650 He can't understand you. 473 00:29:27,816 --> 00:29:29,249 STU: He just did. 474 00:29:29,856 --> 00:29:31,005 Why is he pulling on it? 475 00:29:31,176 --> 00:29:32,734 He's probably hungry. 476 00:29:32,896 --> 00:29:34,773 Wait a second. Is that...? 477 00:29:34,936 --> 00:29:37,734 CHOW: Aah! What the fuck, man?! 478 00:29:37,896 --> 00:29:40,091 Tell that gay monkey to leave my shit alone! 479 00:29:40,256 --> 00:29:41,484 Chow?! 480 00:29:42,216 --> 00:29:44,093 CHOW: You fucking crazy. 481 00:29:44,576 --> 00:29:46,692 Ah, so fucking light in here. 482 00:29:46,856 --> 00:29:47,971 Alan. 483 00:29:48,456 --> 00:29:50,014 Grab me my sunglasses. 484 00:29:50,176 --> 00:29:54,852 - It's great to see you, Leslie. - Mm. Nice to see you too, my little hobo. 485 00:29:55,016 --> 00:29:56,847 Chow, what the fuck are you doing here? 486 00:29:57,016 --> 00:30:00,531 Alan called me a few days ago and invited me to wedding. 487 00:30:00,696 --> 00:30:02,766 - Excuse me? - What? He's my plus one. 488 00:30:02,936 --> 00:30:04,927 You didn't have a plus one. It's $200 a plate. 489 00:30:05,096 --> 00:30:08,293 Guys, guys. Just focus, okay? Chow, what happened? 490 00:30:08,456 --> 00:30:11,971 You guys texted me, said you fucked up and looking to party. 491 00:30:12,136 --> 00:30:14,206 [BOTH LAUGHING] 492 00:30:18,696 --> 00:30:21,813 I picked you up in my boat and I brought you here to Bangkok. 493 00:30:21,976 --> 00:30:23,853 And we had a sick night, bitches! 494 00:30:24,016 --> 00:30:27,167 Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. Wait a second, Chow. 495 00:30:27,336 --> 00:30:29,008 Chow, we're in Bangkok? 496 00:30:29,176 --> 00:30:32,725 Holler! City of squalor! 497 00:30:32,896 --> 00:30:34,170 Do you know how I got this tattoo? 498 00:30:34,336 --> 00:30:37,533 Uh, yeah. From a fucking tattoo guy. 499 00:30:37,696 --> 00:30:40,085 Come on, Stewie. Use that big Jewish brain. 500 00:30:40,256 --> 00:30:41,974 Hey, what's the monkey holding? 501 00:30:42,136 --> 00:30:43,569 [STU GASPS] 502 00:30:44,856 --> 00:30:46,084 That's a finger! 503 00:30:46,256 --> 00:30:48,372 PHIL: Stu, I got some bad news. 504 00:30:49,256 --> 00:30:51,531 Teddy was with us last night. 505 00:30:51,776 --> 00:30:53,129 That's his finger. 506 00:30:53,296 --> 00:30:55,605 Teddy... Teddy's dead? 507 00:30:55,776 --> 00:30:59,655 Ha, ha. Teddy not dead. He party with us all night. 508 00:30:59,816 --> 00:31:00,931 PHIL: Well, then where is he? 509 00:31:01,096 --> 00:31:02,609 Don't you remember anything? 510 00:31:03,416 --> 00:31:06,055 - No! - No. Nothing, Chow. 511 00:31:06,216 --> 00:31:09,049 Okay, okay. I explain it all, okay? 512 00:31:09,616 --> 00:31:11,652 Just let me do one bump, get my head straight. 513 00:31:11,816 --> 00:31:13,727 Come to papa. 514 00:31:14,296 --> 00:31:16,764 - Okay. - That's a big... 515 00:31:21,936 --> 00:31:25,531 You ready for craziest fucking story of... 516 00:31:35,296 --> 00:31:36,775 Chow. 517 00:31:38,696 --> 00:31:40,448 Mr. Chow, are you okay? 518 00:31:43,016 --> 00:31:45,211 You gotta be kidding me. 519 00:31:50,816 --> 00:31:52,693 Fuck, he's dead. 520 00:31:53,256 --> 00:31:54,848 [SCREAMING] 521 00:31:58,136 --> 00:31:59,410 - Help! - Stu. 522 00:31:59,576 --> 00:32:01,806 - Help! Help! - Stu, shut up. 523 00:32:01,976 --> 00:32:03,091 Stu, shut up. Stu, shut up! 524 00:32:03,256 --> 00:32:04,245 [ALAN WHINING] 525 00:32:04,416 --> 00:32:06,134 - Call an ambulance! PHIL: Shut up! 526 00:32:06,296 --> 00:32:10,130 He's dead. Look, if someone comes and finds a dead body and a pile of cocaine... 527 00:32:10,296 --> 00:32:12,651 ...we'll spend the rest of our lives in a Thai prison. Shh! 528 00:32:13,256 --> 00:32:15,326 Alan. Alan, please stop crying. 529 00:32:15,696 --> 00:32:17,175 [SNORTS] 530 00:32:17,576 --> 00:32:22,206 All right. All right! I just need a second to figure this out. 531 00:32:54,416 --> 00:32:58,045 STU: This is the worst idea ever. What the fuck is this place? 532 00:32:58,216 --> 00:33:01,765 ALAN: " Bangkok is the capital of Thailand. Population, 12 million people." 533 00:33:01,936 --> 00:33:04,404 Alan, put the cards away and help. 534 00:33:05,216 --> 00:33:07,013 [MONKEY CHATTERING] 535 00:33:10,056 --> 00:33:11,284 Elevator. 536 00:33:11,456 --> 00:33:13,526 ALAN: I'll get the button. I'll get the button. 537 00:33:16,136 --> 00:33:18,172 What the fuck is the deal with this monkey? 538 00:33:18,336 --> 00:33:20,292 ALAN: That monkey gets it. 539 00:33:21,136 --> 00:33:23,252 STU: Come on. - Oh, fuck. No, the power's out. 540 00:33:23,416 --> 00:33:25,691 - We gotta take the stairs. - Ah, fuck! 541 00:33:26,296 --> 00:33:27,285 Come on. 542 00:33:32,376 --> 00:33:33,411 Here it is. 543 00:33:34,736 --> 00:33:37,967 Feet first, feet first. I've done this before. 544 00:33:38,936 --> 00:33:40,415 STU: Alan. 545 00:33:41,496 --> 00:33:44,294 ALAN: All right. Careful. Careful. 546 00:33:49,696 --> 00:33:51,334 [ALL PANTING] 547 00:34:03,696 --> 00:34:06,335 - Stu. STU: What? 548 00:34:08,336 --> 00:34:10,292 We still have to find Teddy. 549 00:34:10,456 --> 00:34:12,287 Oh, God. 550 00:34:19,776 --> 00:34:20,765 The roof! 551 00:34:21,536 --> 00:34:22,605 - Teddy! - Teddy! 552 00:34:22,776 --> 00:34:26,815 - Teddy! Teddy! - Teddy! Teddy! 553 00:34:27,976 --> 00:34:29,125 ALAN: Teddy! 554 00:34:32,456 --> 00:34:35,016 - You guys see anything? - No. 555 00:34:38,056 --> 00:34:41,332 Come on. Where are you, buddy? 556 00:34:43,976 --> 00:34:45,807 He's not here. 557 00:34:47,776 --> 00:34:50,813 I can't believe this is happening again. 558 00:34:53,496 --> 00:34:57,250 Okay. Look, we'll handle this. You get back there. 559 00:34:57,416 --> 00:35:00,772 You tell them that Alan and I got drunk with him, we're still partying. 560 00:35:00,936 --> 00:35:03,052 - You gotta go get married. - No, no. 561 00:35:03,216 --> 00:35:05,730 I'm not going back without Teddy. 562 00:35:05,896 --> 00:35:08,615 It's Lauren's little brother, he's lost, he's injured. 563 00:35:10,376 --> 00:35:12,526 If I fuck this up... 564 00:35:12,816 --> 00:35:15,205 ...I lose everything. 565 00:35:17,616 --> 00:35:18,844 Okay. 566 00:35:20,296 --> 00:35:21,411 All right. 567 00:35:22,816 --> 00:35:25,011 Alan, check your pockets. 568 00:35:25,176 --> 00:35:26,529 - What? - You know the drill. 569 00:35:26,696 --> 00:35:28,766 Come on, there might be clues. 570 00:35:28,936 --> 00:35:32,087 - Check your phones. Numbers, texts. - Oh, that's a good idea. 571 00:35:32,896 --> 00:35:34,454 - I got nothing. Fuck. - Me neither. 572 00:35:34,616 --> 00:35:36,447 - I got a text from Chow. - What time? 573 00:35:36,616 --> 00:35:38,527 Uh, 10:00 last night. 574 00:35:38,696 --> 00:35:40,129 What's it say? 575 00:35:40,296 --> 00:35:42,890 "On my way, niggas." 576 00:35:43,056 --> 00:35:44,125 Oh, niggas. Okay. 577 00:35:44,296 --> 00:35:45,524 Hip-hop. 578 00:35:48,256 --> 00:35:51,965 We are so fucked. 579 00:35:53,096 --> 00:35:55,166 - Hey, Phil. - What? 580 00:35:55,336 --> 00:35:57,088 Look who's back. Hi. 581 00:35:58,936 --> 00:36:01,575 We gotta get you out of the sun. Get you a hat. 582 00:36:01,736 --> 00:36:03,454 Yeah. Yeah. 583 00:36:04,256 --> 00:36:07,134 STU: Phil, I really think we should go to the American Consulate. 584 00:36:07,296 --> 00:36:09,935 PHIL: For what? Report a dead body we shoved into an ice machine? 585 00:36:10,096 --> 00:36:12,929 Are we gonna keep walking in circles? That's real productive. 586 00:36:13,096 --> 00:36:15,769 I'm trying to figure this out. Your attitude is not helping. 587 00:36:15,936 --> 00:36:18,928 Well, I'm sorry. It's 100 degrees and we don't have a plan. 588 00:36:19,096 --> 00:36:21,087 And all we've done is buy him hats and sodas. 589 00:36:21,256 --> 00:36:22,530 What? It's a bag of Fanta. 590 00:36:22,696 --> 00:36:25,164 - All right, what do you wanna do, Stu? - I don't know. 591 00:36:25,336 --> 00:36:27,770 - Then stop yelling at me like it's my fault. - It is your fault! 592 00:36:27,936 --> 00:36:28,925 [CELL PHONE RINGING] 593 00:36:29,096 --> 00:36:30,688 All I wanted was a bachelor brunch. 594 00:36:30,856 --> 00:36:32,926 Shit. Shut up, it's Doug. Talk to me. 595 00:36:33,216 --> 00:36:36,128 Just got off the phone with Bangkok P.D. They got him. He's okay. 596 00:36:36,296 --> 00:36:39,333 Oh. Thank God. Doug found him. 597 00:36:39,496 --> 00:36:41,088 - What happened? DOUG: He got arrested. 598 00:36:41,256 --> 00:36:43,975 - Arrested? For what? - Disorderly conduct. 599 00:36:44,136 --> 00:36:46,206 - Seriously? DOUG: Yeah. He's okay, though. 600 00:36:46,376 --> 00:36:49,766 They'll release him to you, no questions asked. No one here has to know. 601 00:36:49,936 --> 00:36:51,892 He's at the, uh... 602 00:36:53,016 --> 00:36:55,086 ..."Ratchawang Police Station." 603 00:36:55,256 --> 00:36:57,406 Okay. Okay, I'll call you when we get there. 604 00:36:57,576 --> 00:37:01,171 - Teddy's in jail, but fine. Gotta get a cab. - Okay. All right. 605 00:37:06,216 --> 00:37:08,605 OFFICER: Yes, I have his paperwork here. PHIL: Okay. 606 00:37:08,776 --> 00:37:10,687 OFFICER: He has been cleared. PHIL: Sounds good. 607 00:37:10,856 --> 00:37:12,574 OFFICER: Of course. PHIL: Thank you. 608 00:37:12,736 --> 00:37:15,125 We're good, we're good. They're processing for release. 609 00:37:15,296 --> 00:37:16,649 [STU CHUCKLES] 610 00:37:16,816 --> 00:37:19,011 Yeah, they threw him in the drunk tank. He's fine. 611 00:37:19,216 --> 00:37:22,174 Sixteen years old, spent a night in jail. Can you imagine? 612 00:37:22,376 --> 00:37:23,445 [ALAN CHUCKLES] 613 00:37:23,616 --> 00:37:25,095 We love to party. 614 00:37:29,056 --> 00:37:30,774 Here we go. 615 00:37:31,256 --> 00:37:33,724 - Wait, who's this fucking guy? - Teddy Srisai. 616 00:37:33,896 --> 00:37:35,329 What...? No, no, no. I'm so... 617 00:37:35,496 --> 00:37:37,054 It's the wrong guy. Sir. 618 00:37:37,216 --> 00:37:39,172 Excuse me. I'm sorry. Uh, there's been a mistake. 619 00:37:39,336 --> 00:37:41,896 He brought the wrong guy. That's not Teddy. 620 00:37:42,056 --> 00:37:44,775 Of course it is. We have his IDs and everything. 621 00:37:46,096 --> 00:37:48,291 These were in his pockets when we made the arrest. 622 00:37:48,456 --> 00:37:49,525 They were in his pocket? 623 00:37:51,496 --> 00:37:52,611 Excuse me, sir. 624 00:37:52,776 --> 00:37:54,846 How did you get this stuff? 625 00:37:56,136 --> 00:37:57,694 Hello? 626 00:37:58,136 --> 00:37:59,410 OFFICER: Teddy doesn't speak. 627 00:37:59,576 --> 00:38:02,773 We tried English, Thai, Chinese. Nothing. 628 00:38:02,936 --> 00:38:04,289 Let me ask you something. 629 00:38:04,456 --> 00:38:08,734 Does he look like he works out at Bally Total Fitness in Palo Alto, California? 630 00:38:09,576 --> 00:38:12,295 Look, we arrest a lot of people. 631 00:38:12,456 --> 00:38:15,493 We cannot analyze everything. All right? 632 00:38:15,656 --> 00:38:17,726 Well, what do you expect us to do with this guy? 633 00:38:17,896 --> 00:38:18,965 Not my problem. 634 00:38:20,336 --> 00:38:21,655 Hey, guys? 635 00:38:22,536 --> 00:38:23,969 I think he knows us. 636 00:38:24,136 --> 00:38:25,728 Hi. Hello. 637 00:38:29,296 --> 00:38:33,335 Do you know where our friend is?! Teddy! He's missing! 638 00:38:33,496 --> 00:38:35,487 Stu, forget it. The guy's worthless. 639 00:38:35,656 --> 00:38:38,853 He knows something. He's wearing Teddy's sweatshirt. 640 00:38:40,176 --> 00:38:41,529 What if he just doesn't understand? 641 00:38:41,696 --> 00:38:45,405 Uh, I'll act it out. Yeah, like charades. Watch. 642 00:38:46,056 --> 00:38:47,728 - Two words. - Is it a movie? 643 00:38:48,296 --> 00:38:50,526 This is not for you, Alan. 644 00:38:52,256 --> 00:38:55,487 American teenager in Asia. 645 00:38:55,656 --> 00:38:57,692 Karate Kid with Jaden Smith. 646 00:38:58,376 --> 00:39:00,606 It's easy because you were talking through it. 647 00:39:00,976 --> 00:39:02,455 Stu, it's a waste of time. 648 00:39:02,616 --> 00:39:04,447 Just leave this fucking guy here. 649 00:39:04,616 --> 00:39:08,211 Oh, here's something. " There are 500,000 monks living in Thailand. 650 00:39:08,376 --> 00:39:12,289 It is not uncommon for some monks to take a vow of silence... 651 00:39:12,456 --> 00:39:15,653 ...at the age of 8." - There you go. 652 00:39:15,816 --> 00:39:18,410 - Is there anything else in that envelope? - No, it's empty. 653 00:39:19,856 --> 00:39:20,891 Whoa, hang on. 654 00:39:21,056 --> 00:39:25,334 A drink card from White Lion Bar, Bangkok? 655 00:39:25,896 --> 00:39:27,887 Worth a shot. 656 00:39:29,456 --> 00:39:32,414 PHIL: Jesus Christ. Is this the right street? 657 00:39:32,576 --> 00:39:33,725 STU: That's what it says. 658 00:39:33,896 --> 00:39:35,488 [PHIL COUGHS] 659 00:39:39,176 --> 00:39:42,691 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is the White Lion. 660 00:39:43,336 --> 00:39:44,928 What the fuck happened here? 661 00:39:45,096 --> 00:39:47,326 Holy shit. 662 00:39:47,536 --> 00:39:49,731 [MAN SHOUTING IN THAl] 663 00:39:51,976 --> 00:39:54,934 PHIL: Oh, okay. Just keep walking. Yeah. STU: Okay. Yeah, we should probably... 664 00:39:55,096 --> 00:39:57,132 [PEOPLE SHOUTING IN THAl] 665 00:39:58,856 --> 00:40:00,130 STU: Ah! - All right. It's okay. 666 00:40:00,936 --> 00:40:02,528 STU: What the fuck is going on here? 667 00:40:04,256 --> 00:40:07,009 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Guys, check it out. 668 00:40:07,496 --> 00:40:10,613 Holy shit. Stu, look. 669 00:40:10,776 --> 00:40:12,129 That's my face. 670 00:40:12,296 --> 00:40:13,968 Go, go, go. 671 00:40:14,456 --> 00:40:15,809 Nice work, Alan. 672 00:40:17,896 --> 00:40:20,535 PHIL: Hello? - Be with you in a minute. 673 00:40:24,456 --> 00:40:25,855 Excuse me. 674 00:40:26,136 --> 00:40:27,649 Oh, look who it is. 675 00:40:28,256 --> 00:40:30,133 So, what do you think? 676 00:40:30,296 --> 00:40:31,411 What? I'm sorry? 677 00:40:31,576 --> 00:40:33,487 The tattoo? You love it? 678 00:40:34,296 --> 00:40:36,366 Uh, no. Actually, I hate it. 679 00:40:36,536 --> 00:40:38,527 No refunds. Get the fuck out. 680 00:40:38,696 --> 00:40:40,527 - Wait a second. - Read the sign. 681 00:40:42,376 --> 00:40:45,095 We don't want a refund. We just have a couple of questions. 682 00:40:45,256 --> 00:40:47,292 Trying to figure out what went down last night. 683 00:40:47,456 --> 00:40:48,684 "What went down"? 684 00:40:48,856 --> 00:40:51,450 Look what you did outside. Half the neighborhood went down. 685 00:40:51,616 --> 00:40:52,605 We did that? 686 00:40:52,776 --> 00:40:55,654 You don't remember getting into a bar fight at the White Lion? 687 00:40:55,816 --> 00:40:57,488 Starting a full-on fucking riot? 688 00:40:57,656 --> 00:41:01,012 No, sir. We don't remember anything. 689 00:41:01,736 --> 00:41:03,931 [JOE AND ALAN LAUGH] 690 00:41:04,976 --> 00:41:08,173 Hold this. Oh, boy. 691 00:41:08,856 --> 00:41:10,687 Check this out. 692 00:41:10,856 --> 00:41:13,324 [PEOPLE SHOUTING AND SIRENS WAILING ON PHONE] 693 00:41:14,696 --> 00:41:15,811 Holy shit. 694 00:41:15,976 --> 00:41:17,648 [YELLING] 695 00:41:19,456 --> 00:41:21,492 Fuck the police! 696 00:41:21,656 --> 00:41:23,328 Fuck the police! 697 00:41:23,496 --> 00:41:24,815 [LOUD BANG] 698 00:41:24,976 --> 00:41:26,409 [YELLING] 699 00:41:26,576 --> 00:41:27,929 There's Teddy. He was with us. 700 00:41:41,936 --> 00:41:43,369 PHIL: Jesus Christ. 701 00:41:43,536 --> 00:41:46,334 That's when the cops arrived, started cracking skulls. 702 00:41:46,496 --> 00:41:48,691 I took you guys and hid you in the shop here. 703 00:41:49,176 --> 00:41:52,566 Then you decided to get a tattoo. Cried like a little bitch. 704 00:41:53,376 --> 00:41:56,129 This kid's fucking 9 years old. He's got balls twice your size. 705 00:41:56,616 --> 00:41:59,494 - Show him your balls, man. PHIL: No, no, no. That's okay. 706 00:42:00,616 --> 00:42:03,494 Listen, we're looking for our friend Teddy. Have you seen him? 707 00:42:03,896 --> 00:42:05,534 Not since last night. What happened? 708 00:42:05,696 --> 00:42:08,893 Yeah, I'm supposed to marry his sister tomorrow and we kind of lost him. 709 00:42:09,736 --> 00:42:12,455 Oh, well. Then fuck it. 710 00:42:12,616 --> 00:42:14,015 What do you mean, "fuck it"? 711 00:42:15,336 --> 00:42:18,692 Bangkok has him now and she'll never let him go. 712 00:42:18,856 --> 00:42:20,448 You hear that? Huh? 713 00:42:20,616 --> 00:42:22,493 - Is this what you wanted? Happy now? ALAN: Phil. 714 00:42:22,656 --> 00:42:26,285 You're wasting your time. These monks take their vow shit seriously. 715 00:42:26,456 --> 00:42:27,571 Look at this. 716 00:42:27,736 --> 00:42:30,648 That's the sign of the Chiang Mei monastery just outside of town. 717 00:42:31,336 --> 00:42:33,531 Maybe somebody over there can get him to talk. 718 00:42:33,856 --> 00:42:35,608 [THAI POP MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO] 719 00:42:38,696 --> 00:42:41,688 Can we just go over this one more time? You got the beer from? 720 00:42:41,856 --> 00:42:43,972 The hotel bar. They gave me a sealed case. 721 00:42:44,136 --> 00:42:46,969 - Right. But who gave it to you? - The bartender. 722 00:42:47,136 --> 00:42:48,615 Right. Okay. 723 00:42:48,776 --> 00:42:50,846 And then you brought them out and I opened them. 724 00:42:51,016 --> 00:42:54,372 Yeah, and Doug had one and he was fine, so it's not the beer. 725 00:42:54,696 --> 00:42:56,687 STU: So, what the hell happened? PHIL: I have no idea. 726 00:42:56,856 --> 00:42:59,734 Hey, guys. Check it out, he's got a Chinese boner. 727 00:42:59,896 --> 00:43:02,046 Alan, come on. Cut it out. 728 00:43:02,216 --> 00:43:03,729 [ALAN LAUGHING] 729 00:43:03,896 --> 00:43:05,329 [ALL CHUCKLE] 730 00:43:05,496 --> 00:43:07,248 ALAN: The monkey is a pervert. 731 00:43:07,416 --> 00:43:09,213 Come on, that is so wrong. 732 00:43:09,376 --> 00:43:11,970 Hey, don't stop, monkey, keep doing it. 733 00:43:12,136 --> 00:43:14,206 [ALL LAUGHING] 734 00:43:19,336 --> 00:43:22,851 When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it's funny in any language. 735 00:43:25,176 --> 00:43:27,007 Oh, keep doing it! 736 00:43:27,816 --> 00:43:30,535 All right. Thank you. 737 00:43:30,696 --> 00:43:32,129 We good? 738 00:43:32,936 --> 00:43:36,008 ALAN: Bye, Shannon. Bye, Lil Wayne. 739 00:43:45,176 --> 00:43:46,609 PHIL: Wow. 740 00:43:47,096 --> 00:43:49,246 So beautiful. 741 00:43:50,976 --> 00:43:53,285 What is this, a P.F. Chang's? 742 00:43:54,696 --> 00:43:56,971 STU: Ah, they're meditating. 743 00:43:58,056 --> 00:44:00,729 - Such a peaceful people. PHIL: Yeah. 744 00:44:01,256 --> 00:44:02,484 Knock, knock! Hello?! 745 00:44:02,656 --> 00:44:05,409 PHIL: Alan, Alan, show some respect. Don't get up, guys. 746 00:44:06,056 --> 00:44:08,206 We brought one of your guys back. 747 00:44:08,376 --> 00:44:11,015 He's really funny. He's really nice and cool. 748 00:44:11,656 --> 00:44:14,728 Hi, how you doing? Uh, are you the one in charge? 749 00:44:14,896 --> 00:44:15,885 [PHIL GRUNTS] 750 00:44:16,056 --> 00:44:18,365 - Hey! Aah! - Excuse me. Ow! 751 00:44:18,536 --> 00:44:19,730 - Wait! Ah! ALAN: Stop it! 752 00:44:19,896 --> 00:44:21,568 PHIL: Just calm down! Aah! 753 00:44:21,736 --> 00:44:22,771 Hold on! Ah! 754 00:44:22,936 --> 00:44:25,211 It's because... Ow! We're talking! Ah! 755 00:44:25,376 --> 00:44:27,446 Stop talking. Goddamn it! 756 00:44:27,616 --> 00:44:28,890 Don't! Stop! 757 00:44:29,056 --> 00:44:30,205 Wait! It's me! 758 00:44:30,376 --> 00:44:31,445 Stop hitting me! 759 00:44:31,616 --> 00:44:32,605 Oh, I get it. 760 00:44:33,176 --> 00:44:34,609 [GRUNTS] 761 00:44:36,776 --> 00:44:38,528 [WHISPERS] No talk. No talk. 762 00:44:38,816 --> 00:44:41,888 Shh. Okay. We no talk. 763 00:44:45,736 --> 00:44:46,725 Okay. 764 00:44:46,896 --> 00:44:49,091 - [MOUTHS] Asshole. - [WHISPERS] I get it, I get it. 765 00:45:06,856 --> 00:45:11,407 Late last night, you climbed the walls of our monastery... 766 00:45:11,576 --> 00:45:17,094 ...shouting out question about love, marriage and the meaning of life. 767 00:45:18,656 --> 00:45:23,730 Poor Brother Han was meditating alone in the garden and you took him. 768 00:45:23,896 --> 00:45:26,285 Oh, my God. 769 00:45:26,776 --> 00:45:28,528 We kidnapped a monk. 770 00:45:28,976 --> 00:45:31,092 Uh, we live an alternative lifestyle. 771 00:45:31,256 --> 00:45:35,966 And we are so sorry about that, but we weren't ourselves last night. 772 00:45:36,136 --> 00:45:38,696 Yup, things kind of spun out of control a little bit. 773 00:45:38,856 --> 00:45:42,690 But there's a boy who's missing and hurt. 774 00:45:42,856 --> 00:45:45,131 Can you find out if he knows where our friend is? 775 00:45:45,416 --> 00:45:48,408 Brother Han took a vow of silence many years ago. 776 00:45:48,576 --> 00:45:50,487 It would be useless to try. 777 00:45:50,656 --> 00:45:54,854 Well, maybe he can write down what happened on a piece of paper. 778 00:45:55,016 --> 00:45:57,576 Actually, that would be cheating. Right, Grand Wizard? 779 00:45:57,736 --> 00:46:00,455 - Alan. - I'm afraid Fatty is right. 780 00:46:00,616 --> 00:46:02,527 See? What? 781 00:46:02,696 --> 00:46:05,972 None us will ever know what Brother Han knows. 782 00:46:06,136 --> 00:46:07,330 Oh, all right. 783 00:46:07,496 --> 00:46:10,488 So much for holy people. Bunch of bald assholes. Come on, let's go. 784 00:46:10,656 --> 00:46:14,205 Hey, you know what? FYI, you may wanna put some signs up that say "no talking"... 785 00:46:14,376 --> 00:46:17,095 ...before you unleash your dragon. STU: Yeah, that was a little rough. 786 00:46:17,256 --> 00:46:21,329 You're welcome for bringing him back safe. We found him in a drunk tank. 787 00:46:21,496 --> 00:46:23,134 STU: We did take him in the first place. 788 00:46:23,296 --> 00:46:25,014 PHIL: Come on, guys, let's go. 789 00:46:25,816 --> 00:46:27,169 Wait. 790 00:46:28,016 --> 00:46:29,415 The Buddha teach: 791 00:46:29,896 --> 00:46:33,206 Every memory lives somewhere deep within. 792 00:46:33,616 --> 00:46:37,894 Perhaps you should bring your question to the garden of meditation. 793 00:46:38,456 --> 00:46:40,811 - Did you understand a word he said? - About two-thirds. 794 00:46:40,976 --> 00:46:42,853 Something about the garden of meditation? 795 00:46:43,016 --> 00:46:45,814 No, he said he's farting because of his medication. 796 00:46:46,336 --> 00:46:47,325 I get that. 797 00:46:52,816 --> 00:46:55,774 [WHISPERING] This is a waste of time. I don't remember anything. 798 00:46:56,456 --> 00:46:57,855 Do you? 799 00:46:58,016 --> 00:47:00,530 No. I got nothing. 800 00:47:01,496 --> 00:47:02,895 Alan? 801 00:47:05,296 --> 00:47:06,445 Alan? 802 00:47:06,616 --> 00:47:07,935 [ECHOING] 803 00:47:09,656 --> 00:47:12,614 LU: Every memory lives somewhere deep within. 804 00:47:12,776 --> 00:47:14,528 SID: Sweetie? ALAN: What? 805 00:47:14,696 --> 00:47:16,288 SID: You have visitors. 806 00:47:16,456 --> 00:47:18,208 - Hey, Alan. - Hey, guys. 807 00:47:18,376 --> 00:47:19,968 - Hey, Phil. - Hey, buddy. 808 00:47:20,136 --> 00:47:23,492 - Stu wants to invite you to his wedding. - Is this true, Stuart? 809 00:47:24,096 --> 00:47:25,814 Yeah, why not? Lt'll be fun. 810 00:47:27,136 --> 00:47:29,411 - What the fuck? PHIL: To Lauren and Stu. 811 00:47:30,416 --> 00:47:31,815 ALL: Cheers. 812 00:47:33,816 --> 00:47:36,728 PHIL: Chow? CHOW: We had a sick night, bitches! 813 00:47:37,256 --> 00:47:39,645 PHIL: Yeah! DOUG: Alan, what the fuck? 814 00:47:39,816 --> 00:47:40,931 [ALAN CHUCKLES] 815 00:47:41,096 --> 00:47:42,688 ALAN: Is that person coming to the wedding? 816 00:47:42,856 --> 00:47:44,175 STU: There is no wolf pack. 817 00:47:44,336 --> 00:47:46,896 PHIL: Alan, don't do that! ALAN: "The population in Thailand is..." 818 00:47:47,056 --> 00:47:50,366 And we're the three best friends That anybody could have 819 00:47:55,416 --> 00:47:56,451 MAN: Hey! 820 00:47:57,416 --> 00:47:58,485 [PEOPLE SHOUTING] 821 00:47:58,656 --> 00:48:01,887 STU: Yeah! Fuck the police! Fuck the police! 822 00:48:13,696 --> 00:48:15,368 I know where to go. 823 00:48:18,056 --> 00:48:19,967 What do you think, Alan? 824 00:48:20,136 --> 00:48:22,047 Uh, this is the place. 825 00:48:22,216 --> 00:48:23,444 Come on, let's go. 826 00:48:23,616 --> 00:48:25,686 [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS] 827 00:48:28,016 --> 00:48:30,769 I don't remember any of this. 828 00:48:31,296 --> 00:48:33,252 Yeah, Alan, are you sure this is the place? 829 00:48:33,416 --> 00:48:35,327 Yeah, pretty sure. 830 00:48:42,376 --> 00:48:44,367 Bros, finally! 831 00:48:44,536 --> 00:48:47,096 Is he coming or what? I've been waiting all day for him. 832 00:48:47,536 --> 00:48:49,413 Uh, I'm sorry. Waiting for who? 833 00:48:49,576 --> 00:48:51,089 Chow, that dick-ass fuck. 834 00:48:52,776 --> 00:48:54,846 - Why, what's wrong? - Nothing. Nothing's wrong. 835 00:48:55,016 --> 00:48:56,734 Okay, good. Look at this. 836 00:48:56,896 --> 00:48:59,649 Look what I bring for him. Check it out, huh? Huh? 837 00:49:00,136 --> 00:49:02,696 - No, no, no. - $6000, American. 838 00:49:02,856 --> 00:49:04,847 Wow, it looks so real. 839 00:49:05,016 --> 00:49:06,495 [ALL SCREAMING] 840 00:49:10,656 --> 00:49:12,851 Sorry. Ahem. Sorry. 841 00:49:13,016 --> 00:49:14,449 Alan! What the fuck?! 842 00:49:14,616 --> 00:49:18,211 It's okay! It's okay. The gun, very sensitive. Very sensitive. 843 00:49:18,376 --> 00:49:20,128 - Everybody okay? DANCER: Yeah, okay. 844 00:49:20,296 --> 00:49:23,413 Okay? Then get the fuck back to work! 845 00:49:23,576 --> 00:49:24,725 Come on! Music, please! 846 00:49:24,896 --> 00:49:25,885 [DANCE MUSIC RESUMES] 847 00:49:26,056 --> 00:49:27,455 Who has my $6000? 848 00:49:27,616 --> 00:49:31,245 No, no, no. That's Chow's deal. We got nothing to do with that. 849 00:49:31,416 --> 00:49:33,088 Un-fucking-believable, man. 850 00:49:33,256 --> 00:49:37,135 This guy, if he backs out again, this shit is gonna catch up to him, okay? 851 00:49:37,296 --> 00:49:40,447 He's made a lot of enemies in this town and now they're your enemies. 852 00:49:40,616 --> 00:49:41,685 That's not fair! 853 00:49:41,856 --> 00:49:44,416 Okay, listen. We're just looking for a little kid. 854 00:49:44,576 --> 00:49:46,214 - Two thousand dollars. - What?! 855 00:49:46,376 --> 00:49:49,095 I don't know. Maybe more. How young you want this kid to be? 856 00:49:49,256 --> 00:49:52,134 No! No, no, no. Sorry. You misunderstood. 857 00:49:52,296 --> 00:49:56,448 We're looking for our friend, 16 years old, Teddy? 858 00:49:56,616 --> 00:49:59,176 Teddy? Yeah, he was here with you guys last night. 859 00:49:59,336 --> 00:50:01,167 He was? You remember if he left with us? 860 00:50:01,336 --> 00:50:04,726 You were in the corner all night with Kimmy. I didn't see you leave. 861 00:50:04,896 --> 00:50:06,648 Kimmy? Kimmy? Is she here? 862 00:50:06,816 --> 00:50:09,888 Yeah, she's in the back. She just came for her shift. Go talk to her. 863 00:50:10,536 --> 00:50:12,970 Listen, I'm sorry about everything that happened. 864 00:50:13,136 --> 00:50:15,206 Pay attention what I'm gonna talk to you now. 865 00:50:15,376 --> 00:50:19,449 When you see Chow, you tell him Samir says hello. 866 00:50:19,616 --> 00:50:21,493 - Okay. - But do it like that, okay? 867 00:50:21,656 --> 00:50:23,487 Hello. Like threatening. 868 00:50:23,656 --> 00:50:24,884 Like ironic. 869 00:50:25,256 --> 00:50:27,133 - Hello. - Okay. 870 00:50:28,896 --> 00:50:31,091 - Hello. - Hello. 871 00:50:31,256 --> 00:50:33,531 - Hello. - More O. Hello. 872 00:50:33,696 --> 00:50:34,685 Hello. 873 00:50:34,856 --> 00:50:37,324 Go away, go away. Fucking make me crazy. 874 00:50:37,736 --> 00:50:41,365 Of course I remember him. He was buying shots for everyone. 875 00:50:41,536 --> 00:50:44,767 Nice kid. His parents must be so proud. 876 00:50:44,936 --> 00:50:46,289 Yeah. You have no idea. 877 00:50:46,936 --> 00:50:48,847 Okay, so do you remember if he left with us? 878 00:50:49,016 --> 00:50:53,214 Yeah, you all were leaving together, but you almost forgot this one right here. 879 00:50:53,376 --> 00:50:55,685 - Right, superstar? - Hmm. 880 00:50:55,856 --> 00:51:00,054 This one was following me around like a little puppy dog all night. 881 00:51:00,216 --> 00:51:03,288 Saying how he fall in love with me and ask me to marry him. 882 00:51:03,736 --> 00:51:05,408 [PHIL AND ALAN CHUCKLE] 883 00:51:05,576 --> 00:51:06,611 Classic Stu. 884 00:51:07,816 --> 00:51:10,455 - We didn't get married, did we? - Of course not. 885 00:51:10,616 --> 00:51:12,527 We just had some fun in the Chardonnay Room. 886 00:51:12,976 --> 00:51:15,092 What, uh... What happens in the Chardonnay Room? 887 00:51:15,256 --> 00:51:17,087 Let's just stay on task here. 888 00:51:17,256 --> 00:51:19,975 Oh, you know. Dance for him. He tickle me. We had sex. 889 00:51:20,136 --> 00:51:22,172 - I massage his shoulders. - Fuck! 890 00:51:22,336 --> 00:51:24,611 It's okay. You're not married yet. It's no big deal. 891 00:51:24,776 --> 00:51:26,812 It's cheating, okay? 892 00:51:26,976 --> 00:51:31,094 No offense to you. You're a lovely woman. It's a violation of my moral code. 893 00:51:31,256 --> 00:51:33,816 Don't be sad. Stu, you love it. 894 00:51:33,976 --> 00:51:36,536 You were crying, saying how special it was. 895 00:51:36,696 --> 00:51:38,527 Wait. Ha, ha. I'm sorry, he was crying? 896 00:51:38,696 --> 00:51:39,970 What a baby. He was crying. 897 00:51:40,136 --> 00:51:44,049 You should have seen him. He was so sexy, the way he move around. 898 00:51:44,736 --> 00:51:47,409 I had to ask him slow down so I don't drop my load too quick. 899 00:51:50,056 --> 00:51:51,808 Load? What load? 900 00:51:51,976 --> 00:51:54,536 Oh, you know. My sperms. 901 00:51:55,816 --> 00:51:59,252 Eh, I think your English is off. You're talking about my sperms. 902 00:52:00,376 --> 00:52:01,855 Where would your sperm come from? 903 00:52:02,016 --> 00:52:03,335 From my balls. 904 00:52:03,496 --> 00:52:04,724 Hold on. Back up. 905 00:52:04,896 --> 00:52:07,330 Wait, wait. Are you...? 906 00:52:07,496 --> 00:52:09,851 Hey. You in Bangkok, sweetie. 907 00:52:10,016 --> 00:52:11,972 There's a reason they don't call it Bangcunt. 908 00:52:12,136 --> 00:52:13,649 STU: Oh! 909 00:52:15,856 --> 00:52:17,448 [STU GROANS] 910 00:52:17,736 --> 00:52:19,169 Oh, my God. 911 00:52:20,056 --> 00:52:21,455 PHIL: Wow. 912 00:52:23,016 --> 00:52:25,484 I don't get it. Is this a magic show? 913 00:52:26,296 --> 00:52:30,528 Come on, Stu. It was beautiful. We climaxed at the same time. 914 00:52:31,216 --> 00:52:32,695 How's that work? 915 00:52:32,856 --> 00:52:35,814 Shoot my load into you, you shoot your load on the floor. 916 00:52:35,976 --> 00:52:38,206 - Okay. - [WHIMPERS] You shot your load in me? 917 00:52:38,696 --> 00:52:39,765 In my bottom? 918 00:52:39,936 --> 00:52:40,925 [STU GROANING] 919 00:52:41,096 --> 00:52:42,893 Oh, God. 920 00:52:45,416 --> 00:52:47,372 [STU MOANING] 921 00:52:49,856 --> 00:52:52,450 Stu, it's not the end of the world. 922 00:52:52,616 --> 00:52:54,686 I'm sorry, but I am so confused. 923 00:52:56,096 --> 00:52:58,849 I made love to a man with boobies. 924 00:52:59,016 --> 00:53:02,531 Listen, I promise you no one's ever gonna find out about this. 925 00:53:02,696 --> 00:53:04,129 But we just found out about it. 926 00:53:04,296 --> 00:53:06,491 And then we forget. That's what we do. 927 00:53:06,656 --> 00:53:09,409 I've done so much fucked up shit, and I just forget about it. 928 00:53:09,576 --> 00:53:13,046 - You have? - Yeah. You just forget. It goes away. 929 00:53:14,216 --> 00:53:17,094 That might be harder to go away, but in time it'll happen. 930 00:53:17,256 --> 00:53:19,008 That's what I'm gonna do. 931 00:53:19,776 --> 00:53:21,255 I'm just gonna forget about it. 932 00:53:21,416 --> 00:53:22,849 - Never happened. - Right. 933 00:53:23,016 --> 00:53:24,244 [CELL PHONE RINGING] 934 00:53:24,416 --> 00:53:26,691 Phone. Phone. Who is it? Answer. 935 00:53:26,856 --> 00:53:28,289 Lauren's dad. 936 00:53:28,456 --> 00:53:29,684 It just reminded me. 937 00:53:29,856 --> 00:53:31,335 - Answer it. - I can't. 938 00:53:31,496 --> 00:53:34,135 He might know something about Teddy. We still have a shot. 939 00:53:34,296 --> 00:53:38,005 - [WHINING] I can't. - Get your head back in the fucking game. 940 00:53:42,536 --> 00:53:44,766 - Hello? FOHN: Who takes an all-day fishing trip... 941 00:53:44,936 --> 00:53:46,654 ...the day before a wedding? 942 00:53:46,816 --> 00:53:50,013 Yeah, ha, ha. I guess it was kind of stupid. 943 00:53:50,176 --> 00:53:51,655 Put Teddy on the phone. 944 00:53:52,576 --> 00:53:56,535 - Uh, Teddy's seasick, actually. FOHN: Seasick? 945 00:53:56,696 --> 00:53:59,256 Teddy's been a maritime deck cadet since he was 9. 946 00:53:59,416 --> 00:54:01,725 Well, that's weird, because he's puking everywhere. 947 00:54:01,896 --> 00:54:04,854 I'm gonna tell you something that you did not know. 948 00:54:05,016 --> 00:54:06,335 I don't like you. 949 00:54:06,496 --> 00:54:09,056 - Yeah, I knew that already. FOHN: My daughter chooses you... 950 00:54:09,216 --> 00:54:11,127 ...that's her problem. - Hey, it's Phil Winnick. 951 00:54:11,296 --> 00:54:14,413 Listen, I apologize. We've been reeling in some crazy marlin, and I just want... 952 00:54:14,576 --> 00:54:16,089 [GRUNTS] 953 00:54:16,896 --> 00:54:17,885 ALAN: Phil! STU: Phil! 954 00:54:18,056 --> 00:54:19,045 PHIL: Jesus. 955 00:54:19,216 --> 00:54:21,172 STU: Phil? You're okay. PHIL: Fuck me. 956 00:54:21,336 --> 00:54:22,530 Give us back our monkey. 957 00:54:22,696 --> 00:54:24,254 What monkey? Get your own monkey! 958 00:54:24,656 --> 00:54:26,692 Come on, you asshole. The fucking monkey. 959 00:54:27,336 --> 00:54:28,610 Come on. 960 00:54:28,776 --> 00:54:30,812 Any time, Alan. He's pointing a gun at us. 961 00:54:30,976 --> 00:54:32,250 This is our monkey. 962 00:54:32,416 --> 00:54:35,886 Alan, no one's getting shot over a fucking monkey. Hand him over now. 963 00:54:36,056 --> 00:54:39,093 Oh, God, I never get to keep no monkeys. 964 00:54:40,656 --> 00:54:43,329 [MEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN] 965 00:54:43,496 --> 00:54:45,771 Hey, check it out. He's got a banana on his helmet. 966 00:54:45,936 --> 00:54:48,131 - These guys are the real deal. PHIL: What's happening? 967 00:54:48,296 --> 00:54:51,174 Hold on. How did this happen? Do you know where our friend is? 968 00:54:51,336 --> 00:54:54,055 Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, 16 years old, Asian kid? 969 00:54:54,216 --> 00:54:56,286 [SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN] 970 00:54:56,456 --> 00:54:58,048 No, I don't understand what he said. 971 00:54:58,536 --> 00:55:00,527 What did he say? What did he say?! 972 00:55:00,696 --> 00:55:03,256 He said, "Fuck you and your question." 973 00:55:03,416 --> 00:55:04,895 [YELLS] 974 00:55:05,056 --> 00:55:06,375 PHIL: Oh, my arm! 975 00:55:06,536 --> 00:55:08,606 Poor Phil! Phil, are you okay? 976 00:55:09,096 --> 00:55:12,805 PHIL: Oh, I got shot. Fuck! Fuck, guys. 977 00:55:12,976 --> 00:55:17,094 It's all right, Phil. We'll figure this all out and get the monkey back. I promise. 978 00:55:17,256 --> 00:55:19,133 No one gives a fuck about the monkey, Alan! 979 00:55:19,296 --> 00:55:21,412 Oh, shit, look at my arm. 980 00:55:21,576 --> 00:55:24,295 What the fuck is going on?! 981 00:55:24,456 --> 00:55:26,924 Stu, am I gonna be okay? You're a doctor. 982 00:55:27,096 --> 00:55:29,690 I don't know. Let me look, let me look. 983 00:55:29,896 --> 00:55:31,011 [SCREAMS] 984 00:55:31,176 --> 00:55:32,768 What? What? 985 00:55:32,936 --> 00:55:34,369 Stu, come here. No, look at it. 986 00:55:34,536 --> 00:55:37,573 Stuart Price, get your ass back over here! 987 00:55:37,736 --> 00:55:39,089 STU: You got shot! PHIL: I know! 988 00:55:55,016 --> 00:55:56,972 PHIL: Hey. - Yo. You all right? 989 00:55:57,136 --> 00:55:58,808 Yeah, I'm okay. I'm okay. 990 00:55:58,976 --> 00:56:03,367 Actually, bullet just grazed my arm. Eight stitches. 991 00:56:03,856 --> 00:56:05,892 Only cost $6. How's that even possible? 992 00:56:06,056 --> 00:56:08,729 How's any of this even possible? 993 00:56:12,016 --> 00:56:14,689 I mean, if I was a foot to my left, Stu, I'd be dead. 994 00:56:17,416 --> 00:56:19,008 What are we gonna do? 995 00:56:24,016 --> 00:56:26,371 I'm sorry, guys. This wasn't part of the plan. 996 00:56:28,176 --> 00:56:29,894 What plan, Alan? 997 00:56:31,136 --> 00:56:32,694 I've said too much already. 998 00:56:40,456 --> 00:56:43,334 Alan, what plan? 999 00:56:44,896 --> 00:56:46,534 This is all Teddy's fault. 1000 00:56:46,696 --> 00:56:48,129 PHIL: What are you talking about, Alan? 1001 00:56:48,296 --> 00:56:50,366 Why is he here? He's not part of the wolf pack. 1002 00:56:50,536 --> 00:56:53,255 Alan, what did you do? 1003 00:56:53,416 --> 00:56:56,408 It's not my fault. Teddy shouldn't have been sharing from his bag. 1004 00:56:58,056 --> 00:56:59,091 What bag? 1005 00:56:59,256 --> 00:57:02,214 The marshmallows. I had a separate bag just for Teddy. 1006 00:57:02,376 --> 00:57:05,732 But it was dark, it was hard to keep track, and then you almost sat on them. 1007 00:57:05,896 --> 00:57:08,126 I couldn't tell which was which. It was mayhem. 1008 00:57:08,296 --> 00:57:10,252 What did you do to the marshmallows, Alan? 1009 00:57:10,656 --> 00:57:13,045 Alan? What did you do? 1010 00:57:13,216 --> 00:57:16,811 Well, isn't it obvious? I spiked them with muscle relaxers. 1011 00:57:16,976 --> 00:57:19,171 And, plus, my ADHD medication. 1012 00:57:19,336 --> 00:57:21,213 - What?! - You drugged us again?! 1013 00:57:21,376 --> 00:57:24,891 Not you. I just wanted to knock out Teddy so we could enjoy the weekend. 1014 00:57:25,056 --> 00:57:29,527 "Enjoy the weekend"? Alan, you told me that you didn't do anything. 1015 00:57:29,696 --> 00:57:31,288 Alan, you swore to God. 1016 00:57:31,456 --> 00:57:33,606 I just wanted things to stay the same. 1017 00:57:33,776 --> 00:57:35,846 Look at my face! 1018 00:57:36,136 --> 00:57:37,569 You ruined my life! 1019 00:57:38,096 --> 00:57:39,085 You're not my friend. 1020 00:57:39,256 --> 00:57:41,895 Don't say that, Phil. Are you serious? Even in America? 1021 00:57:42,056 --> 00:57:45,731 - Yes! - [CRYING] Oh, God. Don't say that, Phil. 1022 00:57:45,896 --> 00:57:47,170 Don't start crying, Alan. 1023 00:57:47,336 --> 00:57:48,769 You're the bearded devil! 1024 00:57:48,936 --> 00:57:51,928 You liked it. You smiled at me when I held up the marshmallows. 1025 00:57:52,336 --> 00:57:55,806 Because I like marshmallows, you fucking psycho! 1026 00:57:56,536 --> 00:57:59,608 Hey! Whoa, whoa, hold on! Stop! 1027 00:57:59,776 --> 00:58:01,255 - Guys, guys. Enough. - Why?! 1028 00:58:01,416 --> 00:58:03,486 Why, Alan?! Why?! 1029 00:58:03,936 --> 00:58:06,370 Because we're the three best friends, remember? 1030 00:58:06,696 --> 00:58:08,129 Remember? 1031 00:58:08,296 --> 00:58:11,333 Stu, that's enough. That's enough. 1032 00:58:11,496 --> 00:58:12,895 Fuck. 1033 00:58:13,056 --> 00:58:14,250 [ALL PANTING] 1034 00:58:14,416 --> 00:58:17,089 Guys, we can't fall apart now. We gotta stick together. 1035 00:58:22,536 --> 00:58:26,654 - Alan, what's that written on your belly? - What? Huh? 1036 00:58:26,816 --> 00:58:30,525 "Lebua Hotel. Saturday, 6 p.m." Did you write that? 1037 00:58:30,696 --> 00:58:32,049 No. 1038 00:58:33,616 --> 00:58:35,572 Shit, that's in 20 minutes. 1039 00:58:36,016 --> 00:58:37,813 What about England? Are we friends there? 1040 00:58:37,976 --> 00:58:40,126 I told you, it was in the heat of the moment. 1041 00:58:40,296 --> 00:58:43,174 We're still friends, all over the world. 1042 00:58:43,336 --> 00:58:45,930 - Even Great Britain? - Yeah. Mm-hm. 1043 00:58:47,816 --> 00:58:49,647 Well, what about you, Stu? 1044 00:58:50,576 --> 00:58:52,089 We'll see. 1045 00:58:53,656 --> 00:58:55,567 Gentlemen, follow me. 1046 00:58:58,536 --> 00:58:59,525 All right. 1047 00:59:09,216 --> 00:59:10,205 MAN: Here you go. 1048 00:59:12,856 --> 00:59:14,175 KINGSLEY: Well. 1049 00:59:15,056 --> 00:59:17,524 It's about time. Sit down. 1050 00:59:17,696 --> 00:59:19,573 - Come on, sit, sit, sit. - Okay. 1051 00:59:19,936 --> 00:59:21,972 Wow, you guys look like shit. 1052 00:59:23,616 --> 00:59:27,086 PHIL: Uh, do we know you? - Hey. 1053 00:59:27,256 --> 00:59:30,328 Take off your fucking hat. You're in a restaurant, for chrissake. 1054 00:59:35,016 --> 00:59:37,735 Okay, listen. Uh, we have no clue what's going on here. 1055 00:59:37,896 --> 00:59:41,855 You know, they sell a plum whiskey here. It's fucking unreal. 1056 00:59:42,016 --> 00:59:44,735 Seriously, it will absolutely fuck you up. 1057 00:59:44,896 --> 00:59:45,885 [CHUCKLES] 1058 00:59:46,056 --> 00:59:48,934 Oh, I'm sorry, you guys already got fucked up, didn't you? 1059 00:59:49,096 --> 00:59:50,245 [CHUCKLES] 1060 00:59:50,416 --> 00:59:53,214 Uh, listen. I'm a little confused. How did you...? 1061 00:59:53,376 --> 00:59:55,765 Yeah, you know what? I'm a little fucking confused. 1062 00:59:55,936 --> 00:59:56,925 Where's Chow?! 1063 00:59:57,576 --> 01:00:02,650 Where is Chow with the fucking account code and the fucking password?! 1064 01:00:07,816 --> 01:00:12,890 We don't know anything about any codes. We're just trying to find our friend. 1065 01:00:15,656 --> 01:00:18,454 - Teddy. - Yes. Teddy. 1066 01:00:18,616 --> 01:00:19,651 Have you seen him? 1067 01:00:19,816 --> 01:00:20,931 [KINGSLEY CHUCKLES] 1068 01:00:21,096 --> 01:00:22,529 Come here. 1069 01:00:22,696 --> 01:00:25,813 Hmm. Let's see. Oh. 1070 01:00:26,576 --> 01:00:27,645 There's Teddy. 1071 01:00:28,936 --> 01:00:32,406 PHIL: Holy shit. It's from last night. STU: Hmm. 1072 01:00:33,696 --> 01:00:35,254 Who are you? 1073 01:00:35,416 --> 01:00:36,644 I'm a businessman... 1074 01:00:36,816 --> 01:00:40,047 ...and I have invested a large chunk of capital in your friend Chow. 1075 01:00:41,016 --> 01:00:44,531 And in return, he was supposed to transfer our profits electronically... 1076 01:00:44,696 --> 01:00:47,893 ...about five fucking minutes ago. 1077 01:00:48,736 --> 01:00:52,251 So last night, we took Teddy as insurance. 1078 01:00:53,136 --> 01:00:55,445 Oh, my God. Is he okay? 1079 01:00:55,856 --> 01:00:58,051 [MOCKINGLY] Oh, my God. I wasn't done talking. 1080 01:00:59,256 --> 01:01:01,008 You tell Chow... 1081 01:01:01,176 --> 01:01:05,647 ...that we are having breakfast on the roof of this hotel tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. 1082 01:01:05,816 --> 01:01:07,966 Now, if he makes the transfer, you will get Teddy. 1083 01:01:08,136 --> 01:01:12,049 If not, well, then, hey, you know? It's Bangkok. 1084 01:01:14,176 --> 01:01:16,087 That's your cue to get the fuck out of here. 1085 01:01:20,936 --> 01:01:22,335 [KINGSLEY CHUCKLES] 1086 01:01:22,656 --> 01:01:24,214 Hey, you know what? Leave the hat. 1087 01:01:26,056 --> 01:01:27,409 Alan, leave the hat. 1088 01:01:29,416 --> 01:01:31,008 Attaboy. 1089 01:01:37,416 --> 01:01:38,974 [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS] 1090 01:01:40,456 --> 01:01:43,493 We're fucked. Chow's dead. What do we do now? 1091 01:01:43,656 --> 01:01:47,854 The guy doesn't give a shit about Chow. This whole thing's about a bank account. 1092 01:01:48,016 --> 01:01:49,369 [PHIL SIGHS] 1093 01:01:49,536 --> 01:01:51,811 Let's just go back to the hotel, search Chow's body. 1094 01:01:51,976 --> 01:01:54,615 And hopefully the password's in his wallet or something. 1095 01:01:55,136 --> 01:01:57,411 STU: What if it isn't? I mean, they're gonna kill Teddy. 1096 01:01:57,576 --> 01:02:01,967 Just relax. We have until 8 a.m. Tomorrow to figure it out. 1097 01:02:04,576 --> 01:02:07,044 First the monkey, now my hat. 1098 01:02:07,336 --> 01:02:09,804 How much worse can this day get? 1099 01:02:11,456 --> 01:02:12,935 [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS] 1100 01:02:13,096 --> 01:02:15,166 Jesus Christ. 1101 01:02:22,096 --> 01:02:26,487 [SINGING] Well, we're living here in Alantown 1102 01:02:27,656 --> 01:02:31,968 And he's driven our lives into the ground 1103 01:02:32,776 --> 01:02:36,655 When we woke up We were wasted and drunk 1104 01:02:36,816 --> 01:02:38,886 Phil got shot 1105 01:02:39,056 --> 01:02:42,765 We got beaten by a monk 1106 01:02:44,736 --> 01:02:48,649 I was happy, and my life was good 1107 01:02:49,736 --> 01:02:53,888 Getting married like a dentist should 1108 01:02:54,056 --> 01:02:57,844 Roasting marshmallows on a stick 1109 01:02:58,016 --> 01:03:00,769 I got fucked in the ass 1110 01:03:00,936 --> 01:03:03,530 By a girl with a dick 1111 01:03:03,696 --> 01:03:04,731 [ALAN CHUCKLES] 1112 01:03:04,896 --> 01:03:07,046 I remember that. 1113 01:03:09,216 --> 01:03:13,334 And we're living here in Alantown 1114 01:03:15,576 --> 01:03:17,487 STU: There's water everywhere. 1115 01:03:17,856 --> 01:03:20,529 Yeah, that's because it melted, Stu. The fucking power's out. 1116 01:03:20,696 --> 01:03:23,574 "With an inadequate electrical grid serving millions of people... 1117 01:03:23,736 --> 01:03:26,534 ...Bangkok experiences 1500 power outages per year." 1118 01:03:26,696 --> 01:03:28,448 PHIL: Seriously, Alan, that's enough. 1119 01:03:28,936 --> 01:03:30,574 Out of the way. 1120 01:03:32,616 --> 01:03:34,334 [YELLING] 1121 01:03:36,616 --> 01:03:38,015 We got it. 1122 01:03:38,896 --> 01:03:39,885 [ALL YELL] 1123 01:03:40,056 --> 01:03:41,887 ALAN: Ghost! There's a ghost! 1124 01:03:43,016 --> 01:03:45,086 CHOW: Motherfucker! 1125 01:03:45,616 --> 01:03:48,892 Chow, calm down! Chow, calm down! 1126 01:03:49,096 --> 01:03:51,735 - Fucking kill on me! - No, no, no. Ah. 1127 01:03:51,896 --> 01:03:53,488 [GROWLS] 1128 01:03:54,456 --> 01:03:56,128 It's okay. 1129 01:03:56,896 --> 01:03:57,885 Relax. 1130 01:03:59,416 --> 01:04:00,405 [GRUNTS] 1131 01:04:00,576 --> 01:04:02,771 PHIL: Shh. CHOW: Shh. 1132 01:04:06,216 --> 01:04:09,891 That's it. It's just us. Breathe. 1133 01:04:10,056 --> 01:04:12,206 - Chow so cold. PHIL: I'm gonna warm you up. 1134 01:04:12,376 --> 01:04:14,844 Chow so cold. Chow so cold. 1135 01:04:15,016 --> 01:04:17,246 You did good, buddy. You did good. 1136 01:04:17,416 --> 01:04:18,610 Chow did good. 1137 01:04:23,896 --> 01:04:25,488 PHIL: Feeling better? 1138 01:04:26,216 --> 01:04:27,774 You all right? You warm enough? 1139 01:04:28,176 --> 01:04:30,736 I don't know. Come feel my balls and tell me. 1140 01:04:30,896 --> 01:04:34,366 I've been locked in a fucking ice box all day. 1141 01:04:34,616 --> 01:04:38,052 Hey, Alan, you want my awesome sunglasses, you just ask Chow. 1142 01:04:38,216 --> 01:04:39,808 You don't have to kill me. 1143 01:04:39,976 --> 01:04:43,764 Chow, nobody killed you. You were already dead. You didn't have a pulse. 1144 01:04:43,936 --> 01:04:45,608 Oh, you never do blow before? 1145 01:04:45,776 --> 01:04:49,007 Sometime your heart stop, start up again. Read a book. 1146 01:04:49,576 --> 01:04:51,328 Look, I'm sorry. We're just having a bad day. 1147 01:04:51,496 --> 01:04:54,693 Oh, you having a bad day? Did you die? 1148 01:04:55,536 --> 01:04:56,605 I got shot. 1149 01:04:56,776 --> 01:04:58,209 But did you die? 1150 01:04:58,376 --> 01:05:02,255 Chow, some guy told us that you've got a bank code or something... 1151 01:05:02,416 --> 01:05:06,773 ...and if we don't bring it to him first thing in the morning, he's gonna kill Teddy. 1152 01:05:06,936 --> 01:05:09,734 Who, Kingsley? Pfft. He harmless. 1153 01:05:09,896 --> 01:05:13,172 Don't worry. I got the bank codes. 1154 01:05:13,896 --> 01:05:16,694 Great. All right, we gotta meet him at 8 a.m. 1155 01:05:16,856 --> 01:05:18,494 Who is that fucking guy, anyway? 1156 01:05:18,656 --> 01:05:20,135 Invest in my business. 1157 01:05:20,576 --> 01:05:21,929 Yeah? What business is that? 1158 01:05:22,096 --> 01:05:25,133 It's called Not Your Business, okay? 1159 01:05:25,576 --> 01:05:27,328 So where's the monkey? 1160 01:05:27,776 --> 01:05:28,925 - The monkey? - Yeah. 1161 01:05:29,096 --> 01:05:33,248 I stashed the account number and password in his vest. Where is he? 1162 01:05:33,816 --> 01:05:35,010 [STU GROANS] 1163 01:05:35,176 --> 01:05:38,486 - Why would you do that? - Safekeeping, pretty boy. 1164 01:05:38,656 --> 01:05:40,612 I got a lot of heat on my ass. 1165 01:05:40,776 --> 01:05:45,645 I got FBI, Bangkok P.D., Interpol, MSNBC. 1166 01:05:46,256 --> 01:05:48,292 That monkey snorting coke with me all night... 1167 01:05:48,456 --> 01:05:50,890 ...jerking me off while I watch Stu fuck with ladyboy. 1168 01:05:51,456 --> 01:05:53,367 STU: Ugh. - He not going anywhere. 1169 01:05:53,536 --> 01:05:55,015 We don't have the monkey, Chow. 1170 01:05:55,176 --> 01:05:57,849 No, some Russian thugs took him from us. 1171 01:05:58,016 --> 01:05:59,813 CHOW: Oh, you fucking guys. 1172 01:06:00,776 --> 01:06:02,607 Okay, no problem. 1173 01:06:02,776 --> 01:06:04,732 We just have to get him back. 1174 01:06:05,176 --> 01:06:07,644 - From where? - Same place we took him from. 1175 01:06:28,296 --> 01:06:30,446 This monkey isn't just normal monkey. 1176 01:06:36,416 --> 01:06:37,405 [HORN HONKS] 1177 01:06:38,216 --> 01:06:39,695 [CHOW WHISTLES] 1178 01:06:43,016 --> 01:06:46,213 CHOW: Think of him like monkey drug mule. 1179 01:06:47,216 --> 01:06:50,014 He take coke to buyer... 1180 01:06:52,376 --> 01:06:53,855 ...and deliver cash to dealer. 1181 01:06:54,696 --> 01:06:56,527 He middleman. 1182 01:06:56,696 --> 01:06:59,415 Dealer never handle drug directly. 1183 01:06:59,576 --> 01:07:00,691 He clean. 1184 01:07:00,856 --> 01:07:02,369 [MONKEY CHATTERING] 1185 01:07:02,776 --> 01:07:03,925 That's terrible. 1186 01:07:04,096 --> 01:07:07,168 Not terrible. What you talking about? It's fucking genius. 1187 01:07:07,336 --> 01:07:09,930 You ever see monkey go to jail? 1188 01:07:10,936 --> 01:07:13,211 We just signal monkey for deal, he come close... 1189 01:07:13,376 --> 01:07:15,765 ...we take his vest and that's that. 1190 01:07:15,936 --> 01:07:18,211 Maybe get some blow too. You know, just bump. 1191 01:07:18,376 --> 01:07:19,729 No. No more bumps, Chow. 1192 01:07:22,176 --> 01:07:23,973 Okay, this is ridiculous. 1193 01:07:24,776 --> 01:07:26,095 [BLOWS] 1194 01:07:26,256 --> 01:07:28,451 Stu, Mr. Chow can't whistle. Signal monkey. 1195 01:07:33,776 --> 01:07:34,765 [WHISTLES] 1196 01:07:40,536 --> 01:07:43,004 - All right, here we go. - Come on. 1197 01:07:47,776 --> 01:07:49,687 How'd we wind up with the monkey last night? 1198 01:07:49,856 --> 01:07:53,735 Well, I needed some blow and Alan thought he was cute, so we stole him. 1199 01:07:56,816 --> 01:07:58,215 [ALAN CHUCKLES] 1200 01:08:04,256 --> 01:08:05,450 [CHOW CHUCKLES] 1201 01:08:05,616 --> 01:08:06,935 So stupid. 1202 01:08:07,096 --> 01:08:08,370 Stu, ready to grab vest? 1203 01:08:08,696 --> 01:08:11,608 L... Okay. I just grab it? 1204 01:08:11,776 --> 01:08:14,290 - Yeah, just do it, Stu. Just do it. - Hey, monkey! 1205 01:08:14,456 --> 01:08:16,094 PHIL: Alan, shh. ALAN [WHISPERS]: Hi. 1206 01:08:16,256 --> 01:08:17,894 [SCREECHING] 1207 01:08:19,096 --> 01:08:21,405 - Fuck! CHOW: We gotta go right now. 1208 01:08:21,576 --> 01:08:22,850 [TIRES SQUEAL] 1209 01:08:23,016 --> 01:08:24,415 Pull that fucking monkey in! 1210 01:08:24,576 --> 01:08:25,691 I'm trying! 1211 01:08:29,496 --> 01:08:31,168 Aah! Fuck! 1212 01:08:34,856 --> 01:08:36,289 CHOW: Get that monkey in here, Stu! 1213 01:08:36,456 --> 01:08:38,606 He won't let go! 1214 01:08:38,856 --> 01:08:40,574 Stu, get back in the car right now! 1215 01:08:41,496 --> 01:08:44,374 STU: I'm trying! Slow down! 1216 01:08:46,696 --> 01:08:47,970 [ALAN WHIMPERING] 1217 01:08:49,656 --> 01:08:51,294 He's so strong! 1218 01:08:54,456 --> 01:08:56,253 Let go, you fucking monkey! 1219 01:08:56,416 --> 01:08:57,565 [HORN HONKS] 1220 01:08:57,736 --> 01:08:59,169 - Look out! - Aah! 1221 01:08:59,336 --> 01:09:00,928 CHOW: Oh, shit. Tight squeeze. 1222 01:09:03,176 --> 01:09:06,168 I got him! I got him! 1223 01:09:07,176 --> 01:09:08,165 [CHOW LAUGHS] 1224 01:09:08,336 --> 01:09:10,804 - Where's the code, Chow? - Check his little vest. 1225 01:09:14,496 --> 01:09:16,373 - You got it, Alan? - Yeah, I got it, Phil. 1226 01:09:16,536 --> 01:09:19,608 - Slow down, slow down, Chow! - Hold on, gay boys! 1227 01:09:23,336 --> 01:09:25,167 - Holy shit! - Fuck. 1228 01:09:25,336 --> 01:09:26,325 [CHOW LAUGHS] 1229 01:09:26,496 --> 01:09:28,134 Don't worry, I got this shit. 1230 01:09:30,536 --> 01:09:32,015 Pig! 1231 01:09:33,696 --> 01:09:35,573 [STU AND ALAN YELLING] 1232 01:09:35,736 --> 01:09:36,725 Oh, my word! 1233 01:09:36,896 --> 01:09:38,693 Ha, ha. Sorry, Stu. My bad. 1234 01:09:44,376 --> 01:09:45,411 Oh, shit. 1235 01:09:46,856 --> 01:09:47,971 Get down! 1236 01:09:48,136 --> 01:09:49,364 What the fuck?! 1237 01:09:49,536 --> 01:09:50,605 [MONKEY SCREECHING] 1238 01:09:50,776 --> 01:09:53,244 Oh, no! They shot the monkey! 1239 01:09:54,096 --> 01:09:55,973 They shot the monkey! 1240 01:09:56,136 --> 01:09:57,649 I'm at my wits' end! 1241 01:10:00,456 --> 01:10:02,174 He's coming back around. 1242 01:10:03,176 --> 01:10:04,165 Look out! 1243 01:10:08,136 --> 01:10:10,331 - Holy fuck. - Oh, no. 1244 01:10:12,976 --> 01:10:15,092 [ALL SCREAM] 1245 01:10:22,336 --> 01:10:23,894 [COUGHING] 1246 01:10:26,856 --> 01:10:29,131 [PANTING AND GROANING] 1247 01:10:29,296 --> 01:10:31,412 PHIL: Everybody all right? ALAN: Yeah. 1248 01:10:31,576 --> 01:10:35,410 Whoo! I have such an erection right now. 1249 01:10:35,656 --> 01:10:37,248 [CHOW CHUCKLES] 1250 01:10:39,216 --> 01:10:41,093 STU: Are you for real? 1251 01:10:43,618 --> 01:10:44,971 [MONKEY WHIMPERING] 1252 01:10:45,138 --> 01:10:46,207 ALAN: Shh. 1253 01:10:46,378 --> 01:10:49,654 It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. 1254 01:10:49,818 --> 01:10:51,331 [SCREECHING] 1255 01:10:51,498 --> 01:10:53,090 It's okay. 1256 01:10:54,778 --> 01:10:57,087 They're gonna take good care of you here, okay? 1257 01:10:59,418 --> 01:11:00,407 What's that? 1258 01:11:03,098 --> 01:11:04,770 Oh, yeah. Of course. 1259 01:11:04,938 --> 01:11:07,577 Cigarettes, got them right here. Here you go. 1260 01:11:11,858 --> 01:11:13,177 There you go. 1261 01:11:16,058 --> 01:11:18,253 Deep breath. 1262 01:11:18,418 --> 01:11:20,056 Good. Good. 1263 01:11:20,218 --> 01:11:22,607 Smoke it in. 1264 01:11:22,778 --> 01:11:25,167 Breathe the smoke into your tiny little lungs. 1265 01:11:25,338 --> 01:11:26,612 There you go. 1266 01:11:27,178 --> 01:11:29,772 It's funny. I've never been much of a smoker... 1267 01:11:29,938 --> 01:11:30,927 [CHUCKLES] 1268 01:11:31,098 --> 01:11:33,089 ...but, boy, does it look cool on you. 1269 01:11:33,258 --> 01:11:35,647 PHIL: Alan! Come on, let's go! 1270 01:11:38,978 --> 01:11:40,616 I'm gonna miss you, monkey. 1271 01:11:43,538 --> 01:11:45,813 I wish monkeys could Skype. 1272 01:11:47,418 --> 01:11:48,851 Maybe one day. 1273 01:11:53,298 --> 01:11:54,936 [DOG BARKING] 1274 01:11:57,298 --> 01:11:58,890 PHIL: Come on, get in. ALAN: Scoot over. 1275 01:11:59,058 --> 01:12:01,891 - Oh, we gotta go see Kingsley. PHIL: He's gonna be fine. 1276 01:12:08,058 --> 01:12:09,730 [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS] 1277 01:12:15,298 --> 01:12:16,492 [SINGING JIM CROCE'S "TIME IN A BOTTLE"] 1278 01:12:16,658 --> 01:12:19,491 If I could save time in a bottle 1279 01:12:20,258 --> 01:12:24,217 The first thing that I'd like to do 1280 01:12:25,178 --> 01:12:27,453 Is to save every day 1281 01:12:27,898 --> 01:12:31,174 Till eternity passes away 1282 01:12:31,378 --> 01:12:33,175 Just to spend them with you 1283 01:12:33,378 --> 01:12:35,130 Are you guys seriously this calm? 1284 01:12:35,298 --> 01:12:37,937 Relax, Stuart. It's classic switcheroo. 1285 01:12:38,098 --> 01:12:40,134 I give him money, he gives us Teddy. 1286 01:12:40,298 --> 01:12:42,573 Ever do anything that doesn't end up in a standoff? 1287 01:12:42,738 --> 01:12:45,855 I'm an international criminal. It always ends like this. 1288 01:12:46,018 --> 01:12:47,656 I met my wife at one of these things. 1289 01:12:47,818 --> 01:12:48,853 [STU SCOFFS] 1290 01:12:49,018 --> 01:12:50,292 You have a wife? 1291 01:12:50,458 --> 01:12:52,653 Yeah. We married 15 years. 1292 01:12:52,818 --> 01:12:55,810 What, Chow not good-looking enough for woman? 1293 01:12:56,458 --> 01:12:57,573 No, that's cool. 1294 01:12:58,018 --> 01:12:59,007 [BELL DINGS] 1295 01:12:59,778 --> 01:13:01,530 - Let's do this. - Welcome to the Tower Club. 1296 01:13:01,698 --> 01:13:04,258 Blah, blah, blah. Who cares? 1297 01:13:04,658 --> 01:13:07,695 PHIL: It's okay. CHOW: Stop. Chow crossing. 1298 01:13:11,218 --> 01:13:12,537 Hey, Kingsley. 1299 01:13:12,698 --> 01:13:14,848 - Well, well. CHOW: Propecia looking nice. 1300 01:13:15,018 --> 01:13:16,053 [KINGSLEY CHUCKLES] 1301 01:13:16,218 --> 01:13:17,651 Whew, you been hitting the gym? 1302 01:13:18,138 --> 01:13:21,175 Yes, I am, actually. Thank you for noticing, Chow. 1303 01:13:21,338 --> 01:13:23,613 Hey, guys, have a seat. 1304 01:13:23,978 --> 01:13:25,013 Where's Teddy? 1305 01:13:25,178 --> 01:13:27,738 He's waiting downstairs in my car. We'll send him up... 1306 01:13:27,898 --> 01:13:30,287 ...when the transfer is complete. CHOW: Tell you what: 1307 01:13:30,458 --> 01:13:34,610 Give me extra 50 grand, you keep Teddy. And I throw in this other fat fuck for free. 1308 01:13:34,778 --> 01:13:36,006 [KINGSLEY, CHOW AND ALAN LAUGHING] 1309 01:13:36,178 --> 01:13:37,327 Oh, jeez. Chow. 1310 01:13:38,218 --> 01:13:39,492 Can we move this along? 1311 01:13:40,018 --> 01:13:42,248 Alan, account number? 1312 01:13:42,978 --> 01:13:44,252 Come on, come on, come on. 1313 01:13:44,418 --> 01:13:48,491 Uh, eight-one-four... 1314 01:13:49,338 --> 01:13:51,135 ...K, as in "knife"... 1315 01:13:51,298 --> 01:13:53,892 ...two-three-nine-eight. 1316 01:13:55,258 --> 01:13:56,373 Password? 1317 01:13:56,538 --> 01:13:57,812 "Baloney1." 1318 01:13:58,538 --> 01:13:59,766 Your password is "baloney1"? 1319 01:13:59,938 --> 01:14:02,736 It used to be just "baloney." Now they make you add number. 1320 01:14:03,218 --> 01:14:06,449 Really fucking annoying. Okay. 1321 01:14:07,058 --> 01:14:08,457 [COMPUTER BEEPING] 1322 01:14:13,258 --> 01:14:14,452 [COMPUTER BEEPING FASTER] 1323 01:14:14,618 --> 01:14:15,687 [CHUCKLES] 1324 01:14:15,858 --> 01:14:17,416 - And it's that easy. CHOW: Ta-da. 1325 01:14:17,578 --> 01:14:18,567 [KINGSLEY CHUCKLES] 1326 01:14:18,738 --> 01:14:20,296 Oh, look, you sunk my battleship. 1327 01:14:20,458 --> 01:14:21,811 [BOTH LAUGH] 1328 01:14:21,978 --> 01:14:23,696 Great. Now can we please have Teddy? 1329 01:14:24,538 --> 01:14:27,211 Uh, yeah. Bring him up. 1330 01:14:27,858 --> 01:14:28,847 BOD YGUARD: Good to go. 1331 01:14:29,018 --> 01:14:32,852 CHOW: Ha, ha. See? We go to your wedding, we have fun, I bust a nut. 1332 01:14:33,018 --> 01:14:35,896 PHIL: We did it, Stu. It's over. 1333 01:14:36,058 --> 01:14:37,935 [RATTLING] 1334 01:14:44,298 --> 01:14:46,892 OFFICER: This is Bangkok Police. Everybody down. 1335 01:14:47,058 --> 01:14:49,492 [PEOPLE SCREAMING AND SPEAKING IN THAl] 1336 01:14:50,138 --> 01:14:53,016 CHOW: No! Kingsley, you're fucking 5-0? 1337 01:14:53,378 --> 01:14:54,606 Gotcha, Leslie. 1338 01:14:54,778 --> 01:14:55,893 Get him out of here. 1339 01:14:56,058 --> 01:14:57,411 Go. Good, good! We're good! 1340 01:15:02,458 --> 01:15:04,289 CHOW: How the fuck...?! 1341 01:15:04,458 --> 01:15:05,971 Samir? 1342 01:15:06,418 --> 01:15:10,127 You fucked me over 6 grand? You camel jockey. 1343 01:15:11,098 --> 01:15:12,292 You spit to me? 1344 01:15:12,618 --> 01:15:14,131 You spit to me? 1345 01:15:14,298 --> 01:15:16,368 Hey, 6 grand this time, 8 grand last time. 1346 01:15:16,538 --> 01:15:18,574 It's not the money, man. It's the principle. 1347 01:15:18,738 --> 01:15:21,491 Principle? Nigga, please. We both dead inside. 1348 01:15:21,658 --> 01:15:23,569 You call me nigga? Huh? Don't call me nigga. 1349 01:15:23,738 --> 01:15:26,775 CHOW: Toodleoo, motherfucker! - Called me nigga. Racist asshole, man. 1350 01:15:28,378 --> 01:15:30,733 KINGSLEY: You guys okay? - What the fuck's going on? 1351 01:15:30,898 --> 01:15:32,695 Detective Inspector Peters, Interpol. 1352 01:15:32,858 --> 01:15:34,450 - You're a cop? - Yes. 1353 01:15:34,618 --> 01:15:36,927 This sting operation's been in place for weeks. 1354 01:15:37,098 --> 01:15:40,170 When Samir told us that your friend was lost... 1355 01:15:40,538 --> 01:15:42,096 ...we took advantage of that information. 1356 01:15:42,538 --> 01:15:45,006 - I'm sorry. - Oh, no. 1357 01:15:45,178 --> 01:15:48,807 - So can Teddy come out of the car now? - No, Alan, Teddy's not in the fucking car. 1358 01:15:48,978 --> 01:15:51,367 They don't have him. They never had him. 1359 01:15:51,538 --> 01:15:53,654 They just needed us to bring them Chow. 1360 01:15:54,018 --> 01:15:55,656 They used Teddy as bait. 1361 01:15:55,818 --> 01:15:56,807 [STU GROANS] 1362 01:15:56,978 --> 01:15:58,411 Do you have any leads at all? 1363 01:15:58,578 --> 01:16:02,127 No. We've checked everywhere, no one has seen him. I'm sorry. 1364 01:16:02,818 --> 01:16:05,173 If you haven't found him by now... 1365 01:16:05,538 --> 01:16:07,972 ...l'm afraid Bangkok has him. 1366 01:16:12,098 --> 01:16:14,851 Why do people keep saying that? 1367 01:16:16,818 --> 01:16:18,251 Stu... 1368 01:16:19,098 --> 01:16:20,736 ...it's time. 1369 01:16:25,418 --> 01:16:26,737 Phil. 1370 01:16:27,658 --> 01:16:28,647 I'm sorry. 1371 01:16:28,818 --> 01:16:29,807 [SIGHS] 1372 01:16:29,978 --> 01:16:32,014 Don't say that. Please. 1373 01:16:32,178 --> 01:16:34,169 No, this time we really fucked up. 1374 01:16:34,338 --> 01:16:36,169 Oh, God. How bad? 1375 01:16:36,338 --> 01:16:38,135 Like no wedding bad? 1376 01:16:38,298 --> 01:16:39,731 Yeah. 1377 01:16:40,218 --> 01:16:42,334 Little worse than that. 1378 01:16:46,618 --> 01:16:48,336 I don't know what to tell you. 1379 01:16:59,258 --> 01:17:00,691 [BEEPING] 1380 01:17:07,378 --> 01:17:09,016 Okay, how about this? 1381 01:17:09,178 --> 01:17:11,055 He fell off the fishing boat and drowned. 1382 01:17:12,658 --> 01:17:13,727 No. 1383 01:17:15,098 --> 01:17:16,531 Okay, I got it. 1384 01:17:16,698 --> 01:17:18,734 Teddy was hit by a truck. 1385 01:17:19,178 --> 01:17:21,772 - Alan. - Not a good time, Phil. Kind of busy. 1386 01:17:21,938 --> 01:17:23,690 How many people get run over here? 1387 01:17:23,858 --> 01:17:26,053 Ugh. Over 1200 a year, Phil. 1388 01:17:26,218 --> 01:17:29,176 Perfect. His body was too mangled to recover. 1389 01:17:29,338 --> 01:17:30,407 Case closed. 1390 01:17:32,098 --> 01:17:33,656 Can I have more ice, please? 1391 01:17:34,778 --> 01:17:36,177 I'm not gonna lie to Lauren. 1392 01:17:36,338 --> 01:17:39,375 Stu, do you want this or not? 1393 01:17:39,698 --> 01:17:42,087 Look at what I've done, Phil. 1394 01:17:42,418 --> 01:17:44,409 What I do. 1395 01:17:46,738 --> 01:17:49,332 I have a weakness for prostitutes. 1396 01:17:49,698 --> 01:17:51,336 All kinds, apparently. 1397 01:17:56,018 --> 01:17:58,373 I have a demon in me. 1398 01:17:59,338 --> 01:18:00,817 So what? 1399 01:18:01,418 --> 01:18:06,538 Teddy's gone, but I can still save Lauren. I'll just let her live her life without me. 1400 01:18:06,698 --> 01:18:07,687 Stu. 1401 01:18:07,858 --> 01:18:11,009 I want you to call Doug and tell him I'm never coming back. 1402 01:18:11,458 --> 01:18:13,767 I'm getting off the hamster wheel. 1403 01:18:14,778 --> 01:18:16,928 I'm gonna stay here in Bangkok. 1404 01:18:17,098 --> 01:18:19,134 I think I belong here. 1405 01:18:19,298 --> 01:18:21,858 Open up a little dentist office. 1406 01:18:22,698 --> 01:18:24,609 Teeth cleanings with a happy ending. 1407 01:18:26,138 --> 01:18:27,776 [PHIL SIGHS] 1408 01:18:28,858 --> 01:18:30,576 You sure about this? 1409 01:18:37,458 --> 01:18:39,653 Hey! What the crud? 1410 01:18:41,258 --> 01:18:42,293 Power's out, Alan. 1411 01:18:45,258 --> 01:18:46,577 [LINE RINGING] 1412 01:18:46,738 --> 01:18:48,296 DOUG [ON PHONE]: Phil. - Doug. 1413 01:18:48,458 --> 01:18:49,652 I need answers, man. 1414 01:18:49,818 --> 01:18:52,207 - I know, um... - Doug, who are you talking to? 1415 01:18:52,378 --> 01:18:54,414 - Give me the phone. - No, that's a private... 1416 01:18:54,578 --> 01:18:56,216 LAUREN [ON PHONE]: Who is this? - Lauren? 1417 01:18:56,378 --> 01:18:58,938 Phil? Tell me what's going on right now. 1418 01:18:59,578 --> 01:19:01,091 PHIL: We lost your little brother. 1419 01:19:01,538 --> 01:19:02,527 LAUREN: What? 1420 01:19:02,698 --> 01:19:05,007 PHIL: Bangkok has him now. 1421 01:19:06,218 --> 01:19:08,015 [BANGING] 1422 01:19:11,778 --> 01:19:13,496 PHIL: We gotta take the stairs. 1423 01:19:13,658 --> 01:19:15,057 You're in Bangkok? 1424 01:19:18,698 --> 01:19:21,974 STU: Ew! That's a finger! 1425 01:19:22,138 --> 01:19:23,412 Put Stu on the phone. 1426 01:19:24,378 --> 01:19:27,688 ALAN: "Bangkok experiences 1500 power outages per year." 1427 01:19:27,858 --> 01:19:29,849 PHIL: Stu really just doesn't wanna talk to anybody. 1428 01:19:30,658 --> 01:19:31,807 STU: Water. PHIL: Power's out. 1429 01:19:31,978 --> 01:19:34,776 CHOW: Come on, Stewie. Use that big Jewish brain. 1430 01:19:34,938 --> 01:19:37,088 PHIL: He's just not up for it... 1431 01:19:37,258 --> 01:19:39,567 - Phil? Phil. Phil, give me the phone. PHIL: It's Lauren. 1432 01:19:39,738 --> 01:19:43,651 - I know. I need to talk to her. - I'm handling this. I'll handle this, Stu! 1433 01:19:43,818 --> 01:19:46,412 - You're gonna break her heart! - Hey, sweetheart, it's me. 1434 01:19:46,578 --> 01:19:47,567 I'm so sorry! 1435 01:19:47,738 --> 01:19:51,174 Stu? What the hell is going on? What does he mean, you lost Teddy? 1436 01:19:51,338 --> 01:19:53,294 STU: What? Is that what Phil said? 1437 01:19:53,458 --> 01:19:55,972 No, no, no. We misplaced Teddy. 1438 01:19:56,138 --> 01:19:59,289 But we're all good now. We're headed back to the resort. See you soon. 1439 01:20:00,218 --> 01:20:01,651 I love you so much. 1440 01:20:01,818 --> 01:20:05,572 And I gotta go, but I'll see you soon. Bye. 1441 01:20:08,058 --> 01:20:09,491 Stu! 1442 01:20:12,258 --> 01:20:13,611 - Stu...! ALAN: Ah! 1443 01:20:15,258 --> 01:20:17,567 Taxi! Taxi! 1444 01:20:17,738 --> 01:20:21,014 Come on! Come on, Alan! Come on! 1445 01:20:22,378 --> 01:20:24,414 PHIL: Hey, you mind filling us in? STU: Okay. 1446 01:20:24,578 --> 01:20:26,728 - When we woke up, the power was out. - Yeah. 1447 01:20:26,898 --> 01:20:28,695 And you found Teddy's finger in what? 1448 01:20:29,338 --> 01:20:32,375 - In a bowl of water. - But it didn't start out as water. 1449 01:20:32,538 --> 01:20:35,006 - It was ice. - Teddy got ice from the machine... 1450 01:20:35,178 --> 01:20:37,851 ...came back to the room, put his finger on ice, fell asleep. 1451 01:20:38,018 --> 01:20:41,249 What do you do if you wake up and your finger's in a bowl of melted ice? 1452 01:20:41,418 --> 01:20:45,013 I'd get more ice, Stu, on the 15th fucking floor! 1453 01:20:45,178 --> 01:20:48,136 Yes! Teddy goes up, the power goes out... 1454 01:20:48,298 --> 01:20:51,290 Holy shit. Of course. 1455 01:20:51,458 --> 01:20:53,130 Of course, he's in the ice machine. 1456 01:20:53,298 --> 01:20:55,254 STU: Alan, no! 1457 01:20:58,578 --> 01:20:59,977 It's on 10! 1458 01:21:00,138 --> 01:21:01,332 Sir, is the elevator stuck? 1459 01:21:01,498 --> 01:21:02,692 [MAN SPEAKS IN THAl] 1460 01:21:02,858 --> 01:21:05,167 - Come on. STU: Go. Go, go, go. 1461 01:21:08,138 --> 01:21:09,491 Ten! This is it! Teddy! 1462 01:21:09,658 --> 01:21:10,852 STU: Teddy! Teddy! 1463 01:21:11,018 --> 01:21:12,849 PHIL: Look out, look out. 1464 01:21:14,938 --> 01:21:16,769 [PHIL AND STU GRUNTING] 1465 01:21:17,898 --> 01:21:19,297 [YELLING AND LAUGHING] 1466 01:21:19,458 --> 01:21:23,246 - Oh, my God! Teddy! - He's okay! He's okay! 1467 01:21:23,418 --> 01:21:24,692 Hey, you okay? 1468 01:21:25,298 --> 01:21:26,890 You okay, man? 1469 01:21:27,058 --> 01:21:28,047 Where am I? 1470 01:21:28,218 --> 01:21:30,288 You're in an elevator in the middle of Bangkok. 1471 01:21:30,458 --> 01:21:32,688 But we're gonna get you out of here. It's gonna be fine. 1472 01:21:32,858 --> 01:21:34,211 TEDD Y: Hey, Stu... 1473 01:21:34,458 --> 01:21:36,176 ...nice tattoo. 1474 01:21:36,338 --> 01:21:37,771 [ALL LAUGH] 1475 01:21:37,938 --> 01:21:40,008 STU: Thanks, man. - All right, let's do this. 1476 01:21:40,178 --> 01:21:41,577 Come on. Come on, come on. 1477 01:21:41,738 --> 01:21:44,377 PHIL: Doug, we found him. Yeah! 1478 01:21:44,538 --> 01:21:48,053 I know, I know, but we're on our way. Okay, bye. 1479 01:21:48,218 --> 01:21:51,415 All right, guests are arriving, people are starting to ask questions... 1480 01:21:51,578 --> 01:21:53,489 ...but we can still pull this off. 1481 01:21:53,658 --> 01:21:55,808 - How? - I don't know. Like, a taxi? 1482 01:21:55,978 --> 01:21:57,570 - Chow's speedboat. - What? 1483 01:21:57,738 --> 01:22:00,172 Last thing I remember was getting off Chow's speedboat. 1484 01:22:00,338 --> 01:22:02,056 Chow has a speedboat? 1485 01:22:02,218 --> 01:22:04,095 The Perfect Life. 1486 01:22:04,658 --> 01:22:05,647 Come on. 1487 01:22:05,818 --> 01:22:07,217 [STU AND PHIL CHUCKLE] 1488 01:22:09,378 --> 01:22:11,494 Stu, get that back line. 1489 01:22:13,058 --> 01:22:14,810 ALAN: Good jump, Phil! 1490 01:22:16,778 --> 01:22:18,575 - You all right? ALAN: Yeah. 1491 01:22:18,938 --> 01:22:20,451 You sure you know how to drive this thing? 1492 01:22:20,618 --> 01:22:21,733 [ENGINE STARTS] 1493 01:22:21,898 --> 01:22:24,093 Please. I was raised in yacht clubs. I know what I'm doing. 1494 01:22:46,458 --> 01:22:48,369 You know where we're going? 1495 01:22:49,018 --> 01:22:50,770 Please address me as "captain." 1496 01:22:50,938 --> 01:22:53,327 Oh, fuck you, Alan. 1497 01:22:54,258 --> 01:22:57,933 Do you know where we're going, captain? 1498 01:22:58,538 --> 01:23:03,214 Affirmative, cadet. We're going south, through the Gulf of Thailand. Ha, ha. 1499 01:23:03,378 --> 01:23:04,493 Good. 1500 01:23:24,898 --> 01:23:28,049 Hey. You okay? 1501 01:23:28,938 --> 01:23:31,088 - Feeling a little better. - All right. 1502 01:23:32,538 --> 01:23:36,816 Listen, Teddy, I'm really sorry. We didn't mean for any of this to happen. 1503 01:23:37,818 --> 01:23:41,527 It's funny. I can't remember anything... 1504 01:23:41,698 --> 01:23:44,690 ...but when I woke up... 1505 01:23:45,098 --> 01:23:46,690 ...I was kind of happy. 1506 01:23:47,538 --> 01:23:48,653 Yeah! 1507 01:23:50,418 --> 01:23:53,649 By the way, you have any idea where my finger is? 1508 01:23:53,818 --> 01:23:57,015 Yeah, we gave it to a drug-dealing monkey. 1509 01:23:59,898 --> 01:24:01,217 Bangkok. 1510 01:24:01,658 --> 01:24:03,410 Yeah, right? 1511 01:24:03,578 --> 01:24:05,296 Fucking Bangkok. 1512 01:24:09,298 --> 01:24:11,289 [PLAYING ELEGANT CLASSICAL MUSIC] 1513 01:24:12,178 --> 01:24:15,090 He's on his way, I'm telling you. Dad's always doing this. 1514 01:24:15,418 --> 01:24:17,010 No, it's just... 1515 01:24:18,738 --> 01:24:20,410 I apologize! There will be no wedding! 1516 01:24:20,578 --> 01:24:22,887 No, he is on his way. He will be here. 1517 01:24:23,058 --> 01:24:25,572 Please, if you will all move to the bar. 1518 01:24:25,738 --> 01:24:27,888 We are going to clear this area. Please. 1519 01:24:28,058 --> 01:24:29,173 [CHATTERING] 1520 01:24:29,338 --> 01:24:31,056 LAUREN: Daddy, how can you do this? 1521 01:24:31,538 --> 01:24:34,052 I'm telling you, I spoke to him. He's coming. 1522 01:24:34,218 --> 01:24:35,856 [FOHN SPEAKING IN THAl] 1523 01:24:36,018 --> 01:24:37,656 LAUREN: You don't understand. 1524 01:24:37,818 --> 01:24:40,173 Look. There they are. 1525 01:24:42,298 --> 01:24:43,492 [YELLING] 1526 01:24:43,978 --> 01:24:45,570 Stu! 1527 01:24:49,658 --> 01:24:50,932 [CHUCKLES] 1528 01:24:51,098 --> 01:24:52,656 Alan, there's no dock. 1529 01:24:52,818 --> 01:24:53,807 ALAN: Just hang on. 1530 01:24:53,978 --> 01:24:56,128 - Alan, it's not funny. Turn the boat. - Hang on. 1531 01:24:56,298 --> 01:24:57,890 Is that Alan driving the boat? 1532 01:24:58,058 --> 01:24:59,571 DOUG: What? Uh... 1533 01:24:59,738 --> 01:25:02,855 We should probably move back a little bit. Come on. 1534 01:25:03,018 --> 01:25:04,337 PHIL: Alan, slow down! STU: Please! 1535 01:25:04,498 --> 01:25:07,171 Turn the boat! Turn the boat, Alan! Turn the fucking boat! 1536 01:25:07,338 --> 01:25:08,930 Everyone, back up a little bit here. 1537 01:25:09,098 --> 01:25:12,295 Sir, it's gonna get worse before it gets better. Come on, sir. 1538 01:25:12,458 --> 01:25:13,493 PHIL: Hold on! Hold on! 1539 01:25:16,378 --> 01:25:18,448 [ALL YELLING] 1540 01:25:18,618 --> 01:25:20,336 [SCREAMING] 1541 01:25:22,898 --> 01:25:23,887 PHIL: Fuck! 1542 01:25:24,058 --> 01:25:25,332 [ENGINE SPUTTERING] 1543 01:25:27,458 --> 01:25:28,447 Hi. 1544 01:25:28,618 --> 01:25:30,370 Hi, everybody. 1545 01:25:31,818 --> 01:25:33,968 We came in a little hotter than we planned. 1546 01:25:34,338 --> 01:25:36,215 And sorry we trenched the lawn here. 1547 01:25:37,098 --> 01:25:39,089 Totally fixable. A bit of sod, we'll be fine. 1548 01:25:39,258 --> 01:25:40,532 - Baby! - Oh, my God. 1549 01:25:40,698 --> 01:25:43,656 - Hi. - Ah, I'm so happy to see you. 1550 01:25:44,538 --> 01:25:45,971 FOHN: Teddy. 1551 01:25:46,458 --> 01:25:47,811 Teddy, here. 1552 01:25:47,978 --> 01:25:49,969 - Hi, Dad. - Oh, Teddy. 1553 01:25:50,138 --> 01:25:53,096 - Are you all right? - Yeah, I'm okay. 1554 01:25:53,258 --> 01:25:54,691 No! Your hand! 1555 01:25:55,098 --> 01:25:58,613 I know. We had an accident. I'm okay. 1556 01:26:00,138 --> 01:26:02,094 - This is your fault. - No, Dad. 1557 01:26:02,258 --> 01:26:04,055 He's right. Mr. Srisai, Lauren. 1558 01:26:04,218 --> 01:26:06,368 - I haven't been honest with you. - Stu? 1559 01:26:06,538 --> 01:26:07,527 - Yeah? - Don't do this. 1560 01:26:07,698 --> 01:26:09,893 Thanks, Phil, but gonna do it. 1561 01:26:10,418 --> 01:26:12,613 You said I'm chok. 1562 01:26:12,778 --> 01:26:15,053 Well, I'm not. 1563 01:26:15,218 --> 01:26:19,734 I'm not some weird milky, ricey, watery goop... 1564 01:26:19,898 --> 01:26:22,412 ...that you feed to infants and old people, okay? 1565 01:26:22,578 --> 01:26:25,888 Maybe I would be if you added some cayenne pepper. 1566 01:26:26,298 --> 01:26:27,413 [LAUREN CHUCKLES] 1567 01:26:28,938 --> 01:26:32,567 I wish I was a boring dentist who had a boring life and boring friends... 1568 01:26:32,738 --> 01:26:35,093 ...but I don't, I'm not. 1569 01:26:35,338 --> 01:26:37,613 I'm actually part of this weird wolf pack. 1570 01:26:37,778 --> 01:26:41,088 Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee... 1571 01:26:41,258 --> 01:26:43,408 I have heard enough of this. You come here. 1572 01:26:43,578 --> 01:26:45,057 Whoa. 1573 01:26:46,178 --> 01:26:47,577 Here's the deal, man. 1574 01:26:48,218 --> 01:26:50,527 I got a dark side. 1575 01:26:52,218 --> 01:26:54,254 There's a demon in me. 1576 01:26:54,738 --> 01:26:56,217 It's true, he has semen in him. 1577 01:26:57,338 --> 01:26:59,056 I said "demon." 1578 01:26:59,218 --> 01:27:01,015 But you also have semen in you. Remember? 1579 01:27:01,178 --> 01:27:03,817 That's not relevant, but thank you, Alan. 1580 01:27:05,418 --> 01:27:06,407 Point is... 1581 01:27:06,578 --> 01:27:10,935 ...this demon takes me to some pretty weird places. 1582 01:27:11,098 --> 01:27:14,215 And we lost Teddy for two days in Bangkok. 1583 01:27:14,778 --> 01:27:18,453 But that same demon took us to hell and back to find him. 1584 01:27:18,618 --> 01:27:21,007 We took on Bangkok and we won. 1585 01:27:21,178 --> 01:27:25,330 And that's pretty fucking cool if you ask me. Right? 1586 01:27:28,618 --> 01:27:32,088 I love your daughter and I'm gonna marry her... 1587 01:27:32,258 --> 01:27:34,249 ...unless you have any problem with that. 1588 01:27:34,418 --> 01:27:35,646 - I'm good. - All right. 1589 01:27:36,738 --> 01:27:39,172 But all that said... 1590 01:27:39,338 --> 01:27:42,011 ...it would actually mean a great deal to both of us... 1591 01:27:42,178 --> 01:27:45,409 ...if we could just get your motherfucking blessing. 1592 01:27:50,298 --> 01:27:52,209 [ELEGANT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] 1593 01:28:00,858 --> 01:28:02,576 Hey, Alan. 1594 01:28:03,538 --> 01:28:05,130 Your head looks pretty cool shaved. 1595 01:28:06,218 --> 01:28:07,333 ALAN: Thanks, Phil. 1596 01:28:07,978 --> 01:28:09,491 You should shave your head too. 1597 01:28:09,898 --> 01:28:11,126 Why would I do that? 1598 01:28:11,298 --> 01:28:13,812 Well, that way, we would look exactly alike. 1599 01:28:24,498 --> 01:28:26,056 Take good care of my daughter, Stu. 1600 01:28:26,618 --> 01:28:29,530 - I will. - Thank you. 1601 01:28:35,738 --> 01:28:38,127 [WHISPERING] I'm sorry we almost killed everyone with the boat. 1602 01:28:38,298 --> 01:28:40,289 Just happy you're here. 1603 01:28:42,778 --> 01:28:46,373 Don't worry about the tattoo. I'll have it lasered as soon as we're home in L.A. 1604 01:28:46,538 --> 01:28:48,051 It's okay. I can get used to it. 1605 01:28:48,218 --> 01:28:49,253 [STU SNICKERS] 1606 01:28:49,418 --> 01:28:50,771 Really? 1607 01:28:53,418 --> 01:28:56,455 - But for now, let's switch sides? - Yeah, okay. 1608 01:28:56,618 --> 01:28:58,290 Thank you. 1609 01:28:59,098 --> 01:29:00,656 Much better. 1610 01:29:01,858 --> 01:29:04,213 Dear family and friends... 1611 01:29:04,378 --> 01:29:05,970 ...on behalf of Stu and Lauren... 1612 01:29:06,138 --> 01:29:09,653 ...I welcome all of you for this marriage celebration. 1613 01:29:10,138 --> 01:29:13,767 We are here today to encourage, celebrate... 1614 01:29:46,018 --> 01:29:47,451 [SINGING A FLOCK OF SEAGULLS' "I RAN"] 1615 01:29:47,618 --> 01:29:48,812 I walk along the avenue 1616 01:29:49,978 --> 01:29:53,766 I never thought I'd meet a girl like you 1617 01:29:54,378 --> 01:29:56,608 Meet a girl like you 1618 01:29:58,338 --> 01:30:03,207 And I ran I ran so far away 1619 01:30:03,778 --> 01:30:05,769 I couldn't get away 1620 01:30:06,298 --> 01:30:08,687 Thanks, buddy. Can you hold on for a second? 1621 01:30:08,858 --> 01:30:10,211 Thank you. Ahem. 1622 01:30:13,538 --> 01:30:15,256 [MICROPHONE WHINING] 1623 01:30:17,618 --> 01:30:20,371 Hello? Hi, everyone. 1624 01:30:21,338 --> 01:30:23,568 I'm, uh... My name's Alan Garner. 1625 01:30:23,738 --> 01:30:29,768 Um, I want to thank the Asiatic people for allowing us in your land. 1626 01:30:31,418 --> 01:30:35,377 I wanted to, um, say that, um, I'm really happy to be here... 1627 01:30:35,538 --> 01:30:39,417 ...and I have a wedding gift to present to Lauren and Stu. 1628 01:30:39,778 --> 01:30:43,691 Um, and a lot of thought have gone into this... 1629 01:30:43,858 --> 01:30:47,851 ...and I hope that you appreciate it as much I di... Are going to. 1630 01:30:48,018 --> 01:30:49,007 Okay. Guys. 1631 01:30:52,658 --> 01:30:53,647 [DRUM ROLL] 1632 01:30:55,378 --> 01:30:57,938 [BAND PLAYING MYSTERIOUS FANFARE] 1633 01:31:01,538 --> 01:31:02,607 [SINGING MURRAY HEAD'S "ONE NIGHT IN BANGKOK"] 1634 01:31:02,778 --> 01:31:05,372 Bangkok, Oriental setting, and the city Don't know what the city is getting 1635 01:31:05,578 --> 01:31:07,091 Oh, fuck! 1636 01:31:07,298 --> 01:31:09,732 In a show with everything But Yul Brynner, ya know? 1637 01:31:12,458 --> 01:31:16,167 One night in Bangkok And the world's your oyster 1638 01:31:16,778 --> 01:31:19,895 The bars are temples But the pearls, they ain't free 1639 01:31:20,898 --> 01:31:24,527 You'll find a god in every golden cloister 1640 01:31:25,178 --> 01:31:28,136 And if you're lucky, then the god's a she 1641 01:31:28,378 --> 01:31:29,527 Alan! 1642 01:31:29,698 --> 01:31:31,848 I can feel the devil walking next to me 1643 01:31:32,018 --> 01:31:33,895 What the fuck, man? 1644 01:31:34,058 --> 01:31:36,811 - So, what do you think? - It's insane! How did you do that? 1645 01:31:36,978 --> 01:31:39,776 My dad had to make a lot of calls, and then I told Mike, I said: 1646 01:31:39,938 --> 01:31:42,133 "You gotta do it. It's for my third best friend." 1647 01:31:42,858 --> 01:31:45,577 STU: Alan, it's amazing. I love it. 1648 01:31:45,738 --> 01:31:46,727 Thank you so much. 1649 01:31:46,898 --> 01:31:50,368 We only have him for the night. We don't own him permanently. 1650 01:31:51,138 --> 01:31:52,935 Understood. 1651 01:31:53,458 --> 01:31:57,337 One night in Bangkok Makes the hard man humble 1652 01:31:57,858 --> 01:32:01,089 Not much between despair and ecstasy 1653 01:32:01,818 --> 01:32:05,333 I can feel the devil walking next to me 1654 01:32:07,978 --> 01:32:09,775 PHIL: You do a lot of public speaking, Alan? 1655 01:32:09,938 --> 01:32:11,576 [ALL CHUCKLE] 1656 01:32:12,058 --> 01:32:14,014 Mike, you were great. 1657 01:32:14,178 --> 01:32:16,294 STU: It's true, that was incredible. 1658 01:32:16,458 --> 01:32:19,575 Thanks, guys. Thank you. That means a lot. Really, it does. 1659 01:32:19,738 --> 01:32:22,730 By the way, you really need to remove that fucking tattoo from your face. 1660 01:32:23,138 --> 01:32:24,810 Yep. On it. 1661 01:32:27,138 --> 01:32:29,174 Sorry about the last-minute performance change. 1662 01:32:29,338 --> 01:32:31,169 - Don't worry. - What are you talking about? 1663 01:32:31,338 --> 01:32:34,296 Well, he was supposed to sing "Burning Up" by the Jonas Brothers... 1664 01:32:34,458 --> 01:32:36,688 ...but then I remembered you don't like indie rock. 1665 01:32:36,858 --> 01:32:38,928 Hey, guys. You're not gonna believe this. 1666 01:32:39,098 --> 01:32:41,373 - Is that your phone? - Yeah. 1667 01:32:41,538 --> 01:32:43,369 How come you never tried calling us? 1668 01:32:43,538 --> 01:32:45,051 It's been dead for two days. 1669 01:32:45,218 --> 01:32:47,413 But I recharged it and found all these photos. 1670 01:32:47,578 --> 01:32:49,091 - What? - Oh, shit. 1671 01:32:49,258 --> 01:32:50,771 Some of it's pretty messed up. 1672 01:32:50,938 --> 01:32:53,816 - Awesome. Let's check them out. STU: Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1673 01:32:53,978 --> 01:32:55,411 No one needs to see this stuff. 1674 01:32:55,578 --> 01:32:57,887 Come on, man. I'm Mike Tyson. I've seen everything. 1675 01:32:58,458 --> 01:33:00,494 - It'll be fine. - What...? 1676 01:33:01,978 --> 01:33:03,536 All right. But we look at it once... 1677 01:33:03,698 --> 01:33:06,735 And then we delete them. It's gonna be okay. 1678 01:33:06,898 --> 01:33:07,887 [STU YELLS] 1679 01:33:08,058 --> 01:33:09,093 Motherfucker. 1680 01:37:35,258 --> 01:37:37,249 [English - US - SDH] 1681 01:37:43,745 --> 01:37:45,303 MAN 1: Here we go. Set, and... 1682 01:37:46,385 --> 01:37:47,784 MAN 2: Here we go. MAN 1: Here we go. 1683 01:37:47,945 --> 01:37:49,344 - And action. COOPER: Mortgages. 1684 01:37:51,105 --> 01:37:52,618 Waa-waa-waa. 1685 01:37:53,065 --> 01:37:54,054 [BABY HICCUPS] 1686 01:37:54,225 --> 01:37:55,977 - Oh, bless you. HELMS: She has the hiccups? 1687 01:37:56,145 --> 01:37:57,339 - Yeah, I think it was a hiccup. - Hiccup. 1688 01:37:57,505 --> 01:37:58,494 [BABY HICCUPS] 1689 01:37:58,665 --> 01:38:01,577 - That was... You can't get cuter than that. - Can we get a close-up, please? 1690 01:38:01,745 --> 01:38:03,940 MAN: Can she have a little water or no? Will that get rid of it? 1691 01:38:04,105 --> 01:38:05,618 - Hey. Little hiccup? MAN: She's got the hiccups. 1692 01:38:05,785 --> 01:38:07,821 - Little hiccups. - Get the fake baby, we'll scare her. 1693 01:38:07,985 --> 01:38:11,022 [HELMS GRUNTING] 1694 01:38:11,185 --> 01:38:12,174 HELMS: Justin. 1695 01:38:12,505 --> 01:38:14,461 I am your... Ha-ha-ha. 1696 01:38:14,665 --> 01:38:16,576 MAN: I'm sorry. HELMS: I had to do it. 1697 01:38:16,745 --> 01:38:19,054 Got it out of my system. We're good to go. 1698 01:38:19,985 --> 01:38:22,545 True... True, is this Stu that? 1699 01:38:23,985 --> 01:38:27,182 He didn't kidnap us, he kidnapped Black Stu. Shit, sorry. 1700 01:38:27,585 --> 01:38:29,098 I'm really, guys... What was it? 1701 01:38:29,305 --> 01:38:31,580 What? I just wanna know, is he here to see us off or what...? 1702 01:38:31,745 --> 01:38:33,098 [STAMMERS THEN CLEARS THROAT] 1703 01:38:33,265 --> 01:38:36,143 Well, I'm a little confused, is he here...? Well, I'm a little confused, is he...? 1704 01:38:36,305 --> 01:38:38,341 You ever heard of that guy Dooz...? 1705 01:38:38,505 --> 01:38:40,177 Ever heard of that guy Doogie...? Ahem. 1706 01:38:40,345 --> 01:38:43,178 Well, he turned out... Out? Out? 1707 01:38:43,345 --> 01:38:45,984 - Ever heard of that guy Doozie...? - Hmm? 1708 01:38:46,145 --> 01:38:47,703 [LAUGHS] 1709 01:38:47,865 --> 01:38:49,059 - Doozie? LEE: Doozie Howger? 1710 01:38:49,225 --> 01:38:50,453 Wait. Oh, no. 1711 01:38:50,625 --> 01:38:52,456 MAN 1: We went through this in the first movie. 1712 01:38:52,625 --> 01:38:53,694 MAN 2: Okay, cut. - No. 1713 01:38:53,865 --> 01:38:55,696 Goddamn it! Aah! 1714 01:38:57,585 --> 01:38:59,541 Oh, shit, I'm sorry, I was waiting for a "fuck." 1715 01:39:02,385 --> 01:39:04,216 MAN 1: Cut. MAN 2: Cut it. 1716 01:39:04,985 --> 01:39:05,974 What? 1717 01:39:06,145 --> 01:39:07,134 [LAUGHING] 1718 01:39:07,305 --> 01:39:09,261 - What happened? - It's the monkey. 1719 01:39:10,225 --> 01:39:11,340 GALIFIANAKIS: He just realized you're... 1720 01:39:11,505 --> 01:39:13,063 - I'm so sorry. - He's just falling asleep? 1721 01:39:13,225 --> 01:39:15,056 He was nodding off. 1722 01:39:16,305 --> 01:39:18,694 That was the funniest thing I've ever seen. 1723 01:39:19,185 --> 01:39:20,857 - Fuck, wait, I'm sorry. MAN: That's all right. 1724 01:39:23,025 --> 01:39:26,620 - Can you do the "shoot the load" line? MAN: Sure... 1725 01:39:26,785 --> 01:39:28,457 [SNICKERING] 1726 01:39:28,625 --> 01:39:29,853 Shoot my load into you. 1727 01:39:30,025 --> 01:39:32,539 Just tell me you put a condom on your penis. 1728 01:39:32,985 --> 01:39:33,974 KIMMY: Yes. 1729 01:39:34,145 --> 01:39:36,295 [ACTORS LAUGHING] 1730 01:39:39,985 --> 01:39:42,863 MAN: Action. - Maybe they can take a look at your anus. 1731 01:39:43,345 --> 01:39:46,064 Phone, phone. Who is it? Who is it? 1732 01:39:46,225 --> 01:39:49,979 - Lauren's dad. Great, I just remended it. - No... What did you say? 1733 01:39:50,145 --> 01:39:51,976 [LAUGHING] 1734 01:39:52,145 --> 01:39:54,705 MAN 1: "He just made me remember it." MAN 2: Okay, you ready? 1735 01:39:54,865 --> 01:39:57,015 - Okay, I'm just gonna forget... - Sorry, sorry. 1736 01:39:57,185 --> 01:39:58,618 It was "reminded" and "remembered" in one... 1737 01:39:58,785 --> 01:39:59,820 [AS HELMS] "I just remembered." 1738 01:39:59,985 --> 01:40:02,453 This is our chance to be back in the game, Stu! 1739 01:40:02,905 --> 01:40:05,135 Get your head back in the fucking... Shit, sorry. 1740 01:40:05,305 --> 01:40:09,184 Listen, we don't have a clue what's going on. 1741 01:40:09,505 --> 01:40:12,303 [CLEARS THROAT THEN COUGHS] 1742 01:40:12,465 --> 01:40:14,376 I'm good, I'm good. That was acting. 1743 01:40:14,945 --> 01:40:17,664 Mr. Chow can't whistle, signal monkey. 1744 01:40:19,945 --> 01:40:22,254 - Window. - Come on, come on, come on. 1745 01:40:22,425 --> 01:40:23,904 PHIL: You gotta open his window, Chow. 1746 01:40:24,065 --> 01:40:25,214 L... I open. 1747 01:40:25,545 --> 01:40:27,775 - Mm! - The child lock's on, come on. 1748 01:40:27,945 --> 01:40:29,583 - Isn't this your fucking car? - L... I get... 1749 01:40:29,745 --> 01:40:32,782 Hold on, hold on. Wait a minute, I turn on engine. 1750 01:40:32,945 --> 01:40:35,334 MAN 1: Let's go back to one. - And I go back to one. 1751 01:40:35,505 --> 01:40:37,302 MAN 2: Chow. 1752 01:40:37,465 --> 01:40:39,501 [TAPPING] 1753 01:40:41,705 --> 01:40:45,698 Stu. What the hell is going on? You lost Alex? 1754 01:40:46,865 --> 01:40:49,140 STU: What? Who? - Shit. 1755 01:40:49,305 --> 01:40:50,658 You're in Bangkok? 1756 01:40:50,825 --> 01:40:53,419 Put Phu on the s... "Put Phu on the stune"? Wow. 1757 01:40:53,585 --> 01:40:54,859 Put Stu... 1758 01:40:55,025 --> 01:40:57,744 I love your daughter and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. 1759 01:40:57,905 --> 01:41:00,021 - You're still onboard, right? - Yeah. 1760 01:41:00,225 --> 01:41:01,624 [GIGGLES] 1761 01:41:08,225 --> 01:41:10,978 You can't kiss Jamie and not get thrown off. What is the line? 1762 01:41:11,145 --> 01:41:14,057 Fact is, I'm part of a wolf... 1763 01:41:14,225 --> 01:41:16,614 - What did you say about blackouts? - Oh, within an adequate... 1764 01:41:16,785 --> 01:41:18,457 [TIRES SCREECH] 1765 01:41:19,665 --> 01:41:22,657 MAN: And from the beginning. Action. 1766 01:41:22,825 --> 01:41:24,053 Aah. 1767 01:41:28,865 --> 01:41:29,854 Hello? 1768 01:41:32,145 --> 01:41:33,624 [MUMBLES] 1769 01:41:34,465 --> 01:41:35,580 Hello. 1770 01:41:40,225 --> 01:41:41,260 Hello. 1771 01:41:42,865 --> 01:41:44,264 Hello? 1772 01:41:45,665 --> 01:41:47,895 - Hello. No, it's not coming. MAN 1: For real? 1773 01:41:48,065 --> 01:41:49,623 MAN 2: Eric, here. Here. 1774 01:41:49,785 --> 01:41:51,537 MAN 1: Come on, man. MAN 3: Hold on. 1775 01:41:51,705 --> 01:41:52,740 [AMPLIFIED] Hello. 1776 01:41:52,905 --> 01:41:54,384 All right. No, but let's do it again. 1777 01:41:54,545 --> 01:41:56,581 [CROWD LAUGHING] 1778 01:41:56,745 --> 01:41:58,656 [BIRDS CHIRPING] 1779 01:42:01,545 --> 01:42:04,503 I've always wanted to learn "Piano Man" on the guitar. 1780 01:42:04,705 --> 01:42:07,014 [LAUGHING] 1781 01:42:07,185 --> 01:42:08,743 Come on, player! 1782 01:42:08,905 --> 01:42:10,020 MAN 1: Frame out. - Jesus. 1783 01:42:10,185 --> 01:42:13,018 - You fucking s... - Save some of the camera for us. 1784 01:42:13,505 --> 01:42:15,461 MAN 2: Squeeze together a little. Just a bit. 1785 01:42:15,625 --> 01:42:16,978 Just your butt cheeks. 1786 01:42:17,145 --> 01:42:20,137 MAN 3: All right, we got it, right? Got something.