1
00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:44,282
# I see trees of green #
2
00:00:44,327 --> 00:00:47,694
# Red roses too #
3
00:00:47,730 --> 00:00:51,029
# I see them bloom #
4
00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:53,433
# For me and you #
5
00:00:53,469 --> 00:00:58,702
# And I think to myself #
6
00:00:58,741 --> 00:01:02,507
# What a wonderful world #
7
00:01:06,682 --> 00:01:10,948
# I see skies of blue #
8
00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:13,649
# And clouds of white #
9
00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:17,922
# The bright blessed day #
10
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:20,485
# The dark sacred night #
11
00:01:20,530 --> 00:01:25,593
# And I think to myself #
12
00:01:25,635 --> 00:01:30,072
# What a wonderful world #
13
00:01:32,208 --> 00:01:34,438
# Yes #
14
00:01:34,477 --> 00:01:38,345
# I think to myself #
15
00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:41,783
# What a wonderful #
16
00:01:45,488 --> 00:01:47,080
Yes, dude!
17
00:01:47,123 --> 00:01:49,819
What the fuck? What the fuck?
What are you doing?
18
00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:52,692
I'm taking the most incredible dump
of all time, man.
19
00:01:52,728 --> 00:01:54,355
You couldn't wait
till I got out of the shower?
20
00:01:54,397 --> 00:01:58,299
May I remind you that
we both just ate 30 burgers...
21
00:01:58,334 --> 00:02:00,529
and four large orders of fries?
22
00:02:02,438 --> 00:02:04,872
Don't worry, in a little bit,
I'm sure it'll hit you too.
23
00:02:04,907 --> 00:02:08,138
It may be. But I'm gonna wait
till you get out of the shower.
24
00:02:08,177 --> 00:02:11,237
Well, don't wait too long. We've got
to leave for the airport in an hour.
25
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,269
Ooh, that burns.
26
00:02:12,315 --> 00:02:15,341
- An hour?
- Hey, and, Roldy?
27
00:02:16,085 --> 00:02:17,780
Yeah?
28
00:02:17,820 --> 00:02:19,549
Nice pubes.
29
00:02:20,089 --> 00:02:22,148
Asshole, get out of here right now.
30
00:02:22,191 --> 00:02:25,888
- Wipe and leave. Wipe and leave now!
- Dude, this thing is huge!
31
00:02:25,928 --> 00:02:27,987
I think it still has cheese on it.
32
00:02:35,004 --> 00:02:38,167
# Ooh wee #
33
00:02:38,508 --> 00:02:39,532
# Ooh wee #
34
00:02:39,575 --> 00:02:41,543
# La, la, la, la, la, la-la #
35
00:02:41,577 --> 00:02:43,875
# When I step into the party
all the ladies wanna know #
36
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:46,108
# I'm hangin' with the ballers,
yeah, or my nigga Ghost #
37
00:02:46,148 --> 00:02:48,275
# I can tell you what they say, haters,
if you wanna know #
38
00:02:48,317 --> 00:02:50,649
# They say ooh wee #
39
00:02:50,686 --> 00:02:52,984
# When I'm rollin' my Mercedes
all the ladies wanna roll #
40
00:02:53,022 --> 00:02:55,252
# Be my Juliet
and I can be your Romeo #
41
00:02:55,291 --> 00:02:57,816
# If you actin' menace
I can pick another ho #
42
00:02:57,860 --> 00:03:02,126
# Ooh wee, ooh wee #
43
00:03:02,465 --> 00:03:04,433
- # Ooh wee #
- # La, la, la, la, la, la-la #
44
00:03:04,467 --> 00:03:06,731
# In the middle of the summer,
or even 20 below #
45
00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:08,634
# I'm a bad motherfucker
I'm way too fuckin' cold #
46
00:03:08,671 --> 00:03:11,231
# Let me tell you what they say
when I'm pullin' off my drawers #
47
00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:15,040
# They say ooh wee #
48
00:03:15,077 --> 00:03:18,706
- # Ooh wee #
- # La, la, la, la, la, la-la #
49
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:31,089
# Ooh wee #
50
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:32,151
# Aiyo, aiyo #
51
00:03:32,194 --> 00:03:34,162
# My game's here to party
just to cut up a rug #
52
00:03:34,196 --> 00:03:35,629
# Don't make me have to cut up a thug #
53
00:03:35,665 --> 00:03:38,634
# Now play something for me, DJ,
'cause there's nothin' but love #
54
00:03:38,668 --> 00:03:41,193
# Hosted by the ladies
who lookin' for somethin' to rub #
55
00:03:52,715 --> 00:03:55,479
# Ooh wee #
56
00:03:55,818 --> 00:03:58,013
Dude. Oh, my Go...
I just realized something.
57
00:03:58,054 --> 00:03:59,043
What?
58
00:03:59,088 --> 00:04:01,852
Maria's gonna think I'm a stalker, man.
I'm following her to Amsterdam.
59
00:04:01,891 --> 00:04:05,156
Dude, relax. I have a med school
interview in ten minutes.
60
00:04:05,194 --> 00:04:06,957
You don't see me freaking out.
61
00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:09,226
Don't worry, man,
she'll be psyched to see you.
62
00:04:09,265 --> 00:04:10,892
Oh, psyched? You think
she's gonna be psyched?
63
00:04:10,933 --> 00:04:13,060
Totes, dude. Why wouldn't she be?
64
00:04:13,135 --> 00:04:14,402
So how does this work?
65
00:04:14,437 --> 00:04:17,770
We just... we show up in Amsterdam
and we start calling hotels...
66
00:04:17,807 --> 00:04:19,707
and ask if they have
a Maria staying there?
67
00:04:19,742 --> 00:04:22,233
- I don't even know her last name.
- Dude, it's totally cool.
68
00:04:22,278 --> 00:04:24,109
We're definitely gonna find her.
69
00:04:24,146 --> 00:04:25,943
Amsterdam is a very small place.
It's not gonna be...
70
00:04:25,982 --> 00:04:28,746
Sir, I need you to step aside, please.
Let me search you.
71
00:04:28,784 --> 00:04:30,581
- Did I beep?
- No, you didn't beep.
72
00:04:30,620 --> 00:04:31,712
Just a random security check.
73
00:04:31,754 --> 00:04:34,222
If you could just step aside, please?
Just over here.
74
00:04:34,256 --> 00:04:36,747
- Random, huh?
- Yeah.
75
00:04:36,792 --> 00:04:39,420
So this has nothing to do
with my ethnicity?
76
00:04:39,462 --> 00:04:41,089
Kumar, just do what the guy says.
77
00:04:41,130 --> 00:04:43,291
Sir, it's our job as airport security...
78
00:04:43,332 --> 00:04:46,233
to search for all possible weapons
or illegal drugs.
79
00:04:46,268 --> 00:04:49,169
So just because of the color of my skin,
you assume that I have drugs on me?
80
00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:50,797
- No, he's...
- What are you, a racist?
81
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:53,968
Racist? Dude, I'm black.
82
00:04:54,010 --> 00:04:56,478
He's black. He's not a racist.
83
00:04:57,013 --> 00:04:59,174
Please, dude, you're barely even brown.
84
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:01,080
No, he didn't mean that.
85
00:05:01,117 --> 00:05:02,846
Compared to me,
you look like Matthew Perry.
86
00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:04,853
Hey, who you calling Matthew Perry, bitch?
87
00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:07,856
I'm calling you Matthew Perry,
you Matthew Perry-looking bitch!
88
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:09,881
No, there's nobody here
who is Matthew Perry. No one!
89
00:05:09,925 --> 00:05:11,449
What is going on here?
90
00:05:11,494 --> 00:05:14,986
Sir, Matthew Perry over here thinks
that I have illegal narcotics on me...
91
00:05:15,031 --> 00:05:16,430
because I'm a minority.
92
00:05:16,465 --> 00:05:18,365
This is textbook racial profiling...
93
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:20,392
and I'd be more than happy
to call the ACLU or the government...
94
00:05:20,436 --> 00:05:22,904
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Sorry for the inconvenience, sir.
95
00:05:22,938 --> 00:05:25,805
- You can move along.
- I appreciate it. Thanks, Matt Perry.
96
00:05:27,243 --> 00:05:28,505
Hey, what are you doing?
97
00:05:28,544 --> 00:05:30,512
What do you mean, what am I doing?
He called me Matthew Perry.
98
00:05:30,546 --> 00:05:31,843
Well, you look like Matthew Perry.
99
00:05:31,881 --> 00:05:33,712
- He's white!
- So what?
100
00:05:33,749 --> 00:05:36,081
Why does everything have to become
a huge argument with you, man?
101
00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:37,551
'Cause this is America, dude...
102
00:05:37,586 --> 00:05:40,316
and as long as I have my freedom
of speech, no one's gonna shut me up.
103
00:05:40,356 --> 00:05:41,880
Kumar?
104
00:05:44,894 --> 00:05:46,054
Roldy?
105
00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:49,155
- Vanessa.
- Oh, my God!
106
00:05:49,198 --> 00:05:52,565
- Good to see you.
- So good to see you. L...
107
00:05:52,601 --> 00:05:54,728
- Hi. Hey.
- Hey.
108
00:05:54,770 --> 00:05:55,862
Hey.
109
00:05:55,905 --> 00:05:59,341
God, it's been forever.
What are you guys doing?
110
00:05:59,375 --> 00:06:01,843
We're actually on our way
to Amsterdam.
111
00:06:01,877 --> 00:06:03,071
- Amsterdam?
- Yeah.
112
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:04,841
Well, you guys haven't changed.
113
00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:07,940
You have. You look amazing.
Your hair is diff...
114
00:06:07,983 --> 00:06:10,918
- Doesn't she look amazing?
- Yeah.
115
00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:13,046
Yeah, you look great.
You look awesome. Sorry.
116
00:06:13,089 --> 00:06:16,081
What am I even saying?
You look different and...
117
00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:19,720
- Kumar Patel, you're flustered.
- Little bit.
118
00:06:21,564 --> 00:06:26,058
So, what's up with you? You still dating
the Abercrombie-wearing douchebag?
119
00:06:26,102 --> 00:06:28,229
Actually, it's Brooks Brothers.
120
00:06:28,270 --> 00:06:31,239
Colton! How are you, buddy?
121
00:06:31,273 --> 00:06:32,865
- Good to see ya.
- Good to see you.
122
00:06:32,908 --> 00:06:34,671
And we're not dating anymore.
123
00:06:34,710 --> 00:06:37,076
No. We... are getting married.
124
00:06:38,013 --> 00:06:39,947
Congratulations, you guys.
125
00:06:39,982 --> 00:06:42,507
- You're fucking getting married?
- Yeah.
126
00:06:42,551 --> 00:06:45,486
- When?
- Next week.
127
00:06:46,222 --> 00:06:48,190
It's going to be a perfect day.
128
00:06:48,224 --> 00:06:50,658
I mean, that's assuming we get
those Stargazer lilies for the bouquets.
129
00:06:50,693 --> 00:06:52,684
This florist has been
a complete nightmare.
130
00:06:52,728 --> 00:06:54,628
Fucking assholes.
131
00:06:54,663 --> 00:06:57,427
Colton's practically planning
the whole wedding all by himself.
132
00:06:57,466 --> 00:07:00,731
So, Rold, Brewster Keegan letting you
off the leash for a little vay-cay?
133
00:07:00,770 --> 00:07:03,796
I own that place now, Colton.
134
00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:05,636
Thank you so much for the hook-up.
135
00:07:05,674 --> 00:07:09,041
Hey, I ran into Todd,
at Whitaker's, of course.
136
00:07:09,078 --> 00:07:11,546
He told me you got a job
working for the government.
137
00:07:11,580 --> 00:07:14,014
Yeah! Yeah, President Bush and my dad
were in the same fraternity.
138
00:07:14,049 --> 00:07:15,380
- Oh, that's right.
- Oh, Jesus.
139
00:07:15,417 --> 00:07:17,408
Yeah, yeah, when he gave my dad that
appointment at the Defense Department...
140
00:07:17,453 --> 00:07:19,546
- I became his right-hand man.
- Douche.
141
00:07:19,588 --> 00:07:20,748
The President's supposed to be
at our wedding...
142
00:07:20,790 --> 00:07:22,883
- but you know how busy he is.
- Yeah.
143
00:07:22,925 --> 00:07:24,722
Sounds like an incredible job, man.
144
00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,228
Hey, you really got
some major connections to the top.
145
00:07:27,263 --> 00:07:29,731
If you ever need anything, I'm your man.
146
00:07:29,765 --> 00:07:31,995
- Thank you so much, buddy.
- Anytime.
147
00:07:32,034 --> 00:07:33,763
This guy's the best.
148
00:07:33,803 --> 00:07:36,363
- So, sweetheart, we should get going.
- Yes.
149
00:07:36,405 --> 00:07:39,067
- Good to see you guys again.
- Congratulations again.
150
00:07:39,108 --> 00:07:41,474
- Thank you. Take care, thank you.
- It's so nice.
151
00:07:41,510 --> 00:07:43,000
- Bye.
- Bye.
152
00:07:57,126 --> 00:07:58,593
Dude, I can't believe
they're getting married.
153
00:07:58,627 --> 00:08:00,618
We've only been broken up two years.
154
00:08:01,297 --> 00:08:03,162
Plus that dude has date-rape face.
155
00:08:03,199 --> 00:08:05,292
I don't even know what that is.
156
00:08:05,334 --> 00:08:07,825
One who possesses
the face of a date rapist.
157
00:08:07,870 --> 00:08:11,169
Right. Listen...
158
00:08:11,207 --> 00:08:13,675
I'm sorry, bro.
159
00:08:13,709 --> 00:08:16,337
But we are going to Amsterdam.
Come on.
160
00:08:16,378 --> 00:08:19,541
This is true. This is true, Roldy.
161
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:21,709
# Ooh wee #
162
00:08:25,354 --> 00:08:28,687
- Man, this is so not like me.
- Yeah.
163
00:08:28,724 --> 00:08:32,216
It's like I'm a whole new Harold.
Better, faster, stronger.
164
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:33,922
Nice.
165
00:08:33,963 --> 00:08:35,021
Man, I've never used a sick day before.
166
00:08:35,064 --> 00:08:38,261
I'm taking a whole week off
from work here, man.
167
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:42,066
And in less than eight hours,
we're gonna be in Amsterdam.
168
00:08:42,104 --> 00:08:44,595
- This is nuts. This is nuts.
- I know, dude.
169
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,631
It's gonna be exactly like Euro Trlp,
only it's not gonna suck.
170
00:08:46,675 --> 00:08:50,236
- It's gonna be awesome.
- It's not not gonna be awesome.
171
00:09:29,618 --> 00:09:32,985
Dude. Dude, this chick's giving me
such a boner, it's awesome.
172
00:09:33,022 --> 00:09:34,956
Thank you. You ruined the moment.
173
00:09:37,026 --> 00:09:38,493
She's all yours, buddy.
174
00:09:38,527 --> 00:09:40,427
- You wanna pause it?
- I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
175
00:09:40,462 --> 00:09:42,157
No, that's...
176
00:09:42,197 --> 00:09:43,858
Enjoy.
177
00:09:54,777 --> 00:09:56,506
Just a minute.
178
00:09:56,545 --> 00:09:58,012
Fuc...
179
00:09:58,047 --> 00:09:59,639
Hey, hey.
180
00:10:00,482 --> 00:10:01,676
Let me in.
181
00:10:03,285 --> 00:10:05,981
What are you doing?
I'm taking a piss, asshole!
182
00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:07,147
- Yeah.
- Yo!
183
00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:09,657
I'm not joining
the mile-high club with you.
184
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,683
What about the really high club?
185
00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:15,023
- Are you retarded?
- No.
186
00:10:15,064 --> 00:10:16,964
You brought weed
on the fucking airplane?
187
00:10:16,999 --> 00:10:19,229
- Yep.
- What the fuck?
188
00:10:19,268 --> 00:10:21,236
Wait a second. You were giving
that security guard shit.
189
00:10:21,270 --> 00:10:23,261
Yeah. How else was I
supposed to get past him?
190
00:10:23,305 --> 00:10:26,069
By not bringing drugs on an airplane?
191
00:10:27,076 --> 00:10:29,977
- Look... What are you doing? What is this?
- You'll see.
192
00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:43,719
Harold Lee, I would like to introduce you
to an invention of mine.
193
00:10:43,759 --> 00:10:45,886
Meet the smokeless bong.
194
00:10:45,928 --> 00:10:48,829
- You made this?
- You know, I did.
195
00:10:48,864 --> 00:10:49,990
When you were slaving away at work...
196
00:10:50,032 --> 00:10:52,660
I was actually being
a productive member of society.
197
00:10:52,701 --> 00:10:56,865
- Yeah, that's really productive.
- Let me show you how it works.
198
00:10:56,905 --> 00:10:59,465
So you take a little weed...
199
00:11:00,476 --> 00:11:03,411
put it in the bowl right here and
light it just like a normal bong, OK?
200
00:11:03,445 --> 00:11:05,276
Now here's the truly genius part.
201
00:11:05,314 --> 00:11:10,911
Inside this mechanism, I have
actually made a little tiny, tiny fan...
202
00:11:10,953 --> 00:11:13,683
and some disinfectant powder, OK,
it works sort of like a deodorizer...
203
00:11:13,722 --> 00:11:16,520
so that anything it expunges
smells like Lysol.
204
00:11:16,558 --> 00:11:18,185
- Put it away.
- No, dude.
205
00:11:18,227 --> 00:11:20,218
Can you not wait
till we get to Amsterdam?
206
00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:22,924
It's the weed capital of the world!
207
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:25,992
- No.
- Put the bong away!
208
00:11:26,035 --> 00:11:27,866
- Take the inaugural hit, dude.
- No!
209
00:11:27,903 --> 00:11:28,995
Come on, man.
210
00:11:29,038 --> 00:11:32,235
- Then I'm gonna do it.
- Put it away. Put the frickin' bong away.
211
00:11:36,145 --> 00:11:39,080
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Turb...
212
00:11:45,988 --> 00:11:48,388
Terrorist!
213
00:11:50,159 --> 00:11:51,421
Roldy?
214
00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:53,792
- What the fuck is that thing in his hands?
- No, ma'am, not a terrorist.
215
00:11:53,829 --> 00:11:56,696
- He's just an idiot.
- This is just a bong.
216
00:11:56,732 --> 00:11:59,200
He said he got a bomb!
217
00:12:01,103 --> 00:12:04,129
No, people,
it's a water pipe for tobacco.
218
00:12:04,173 --> 00:12:06,539
No, no, no, it's not a bomb. It's just a bong.
219
00:12:15,050 --> 00:12:17,575
Poison gas!
220
00:12:22,925 --> 00:12:25,985
It's marijuana! Marijuana!
221
00:12:26,028 --> 00:12:29,225
You picked the wrong plane,
you terrorist fuck!
222
00:12:29,264 --> 00:12:31,232
Hey!
Hey, what are you doing?
223
00:12:32,768 --> 00:12:35,669
There are three air marshals
on board. Three!
224
00:12:35,704 --> 00:12:39,299
We are not terrorists!
Sir, that's a bong, not a bomb.
225
00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:41,138
Shut up!
226
00:12:42,144 --> 00:12:43,338
I got this one!
227
00:12:43,378 --> 00:12:44,709
- Roldy?
- Please don't!
228
00:12:44,746 --> 00:12:47,681
I am in a great amount of pain!
229
00:12:47,716 --> 00:12:51,914
Everybody relax. Just calm down.
Everything is under control.
230
00:12:51,954 --> 00:12:56,220
Tell 'em to turn the plane around. These
two assholes are goin' back to the U.S.
231
00:13:20,149 --> 00:13:23,744
Secretary Fox. Glad you could make it.
232
00:13:23,785 --> 00:13:26,777
Think I'd miss a terrorist attack
of this magnitude?
233
00:13:26,822 --> 00:13:29,052
Not a fuckin' chance.
234
00:13:33,162 --> 00:13:35,187
Who are these people?
235
00:13:35,230 --> 00:13:38,529
Representatives
of the different intelligence agencies.
236
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:41,058
I assume
Secretary Whitmore's coming?
237
00:13:41,103 --> 00:13:45,802
Negative. He's on an ice fishing trip
in Glacier Bay.
238
00:13:45,841 --> 00:13:47,433
I'm in charge while he's gone.
239
00:13:47,476 --> 00:13:49,910
Well, shouldn't he be alerted?
240
00:13:49,945 --> 00:13:55,247
Isn't this issue of more importance
than an ice fishing trip?
241
00:14:00,489 --> 00:14:02,514
Who are you again?
242
00:14:02,558 --> 00:14:04,753
Dr. John Beecher,
Vice Chairman of the NSA.
243
00:14:04,793 --> 00:14:08,160
Yeah, well, listen, Dr... Dipshit.
244
00:14:08,964 --> 00:14:11,524
You've obviously
never been ice fishing before.
245
00:14:12,968 --> 00:14:17,166
- No, I haven't.
- Yeah, well, it's fucking exhilarating.
246
00:14:17,206 --> 00:14:20,903
The last thing anyone would want
while fishing for pike is to be interrupted.
247
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,740
Now back off...
248
00:14:23,745 --> 00:14:26,111
and let me do my job.
249
00:14:38,527 --> 00:14:40,518
What's up with the guy
with the weird eyes?
250
00:14:40,562 --> 00:14:43,156
He handicapped or something?
251
00:14:43,198 --> 00:14:45,189
We believe he's of Korean descent.
252
00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:50,669
My God.
253
00:14:52,307 --> 00:14:55,799
North Korea and al-Qaeda
workin' together.
254
00:14:55,844 --> 00:14:57,607
This is bigger than I thought.
255
00:14:58,180 --> 00:15:00,148
You couldn't wait?
256
00:15:00,182 --> 00:15:02,878
You couldn't fucking wait?
257
00:15:02,918 --> 00:15:05,580
We were about to have
all the legal weed we wanted.
258
00:15:05,621 --> 00:15:08,886
You know, in Amsterdam,
where we were going!
259
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,670
Thought you could
get away with this, huh?
260
00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:39,712
You thought that after 9l11
our national security was a joke, huh?
261
00:15:40,589 --> 00:15:42,181
Well...
262
00:15:45,127 --> 00:15:46,287
guess what?
263
00:15:47,262 --> 00:15:48,524
What?
264
00:15:50,365 --> 00:15:52,959
We knew you fuckers would be back.
265
00:15:53,001 --> 00:15:54,161
- Holy shit!
- But we're Americans, man.
266
00:15:54,202 --> 00:15:56,966
- We love America. We love America!
- Very much.
267
00:15:57,005 --> 00:15:58,734
That's a convenient thing to say...
268
00:15:58,774 --> 00:16:01,743
after you try and blow up a plane
filled with Americans!
269
00:16:01,777 --> 00:16:03,005
- No.
- No, we didn't do...
270
00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:05,570
No, you see, you have the wrong idea.
271
00:16:05,614 --> 00:16:07,445
My idiot friend here
brought marijuana...
272
00:16:07,482 --> 00:16:08,972
- on the plane.
- Yeah, hey, hey, hey, hey.
273
00:16:09,017 --> 00:16:13,078
Zip it, Hello Kitty. OK? I know
your operation's funded through drugs.
274
00:16:13,121 --> 00:16:14,986
No. This is typical
government bullshit, sir. L...
275
00:16:15,023 --> 00:16:16,786
- Hey, hey, hey. Shut up. Shut up!
- L...
276
00:16:16,825 --> 00:16:20,693
- No, I'm trying to explain it! Harold!
- Shut up, shut up, shut up! Shut up!
277
00:16:22,998 --> 00:16:25,159
Do we have the right
to make a phone call?
278
00:16:26,335 --> 00:16:27,962
Yeah. Yeah!
279
00:16:28,003 --> 00:16:31,370
I'm sorry. You want rights now.
280
00:16:31,406 --> 00:16:34,068
You want freedoms right now.
281
00:16:34,109 --> 00:16:35,974
Is it time? Is it freedom o'clock?
282
00:16:39,414 --> 00:16:41,507
- Guess what.
- What?
283
00:16:42,384 --> 00:16:47,481
Where you guys are going,
they have never even heard of rights.
284
00:16:48,690 --> 00:16:50,658
Well, where are we going?
285
00:16:57,933 --> 00:17:01,767
We're innocent men!
We're innocent men!
286
00:17:02,637 --> 00:17:04,605
I'm an innocent man.
287
00:17:05,173 --> 00:17:07,607
I donate blood.
288
00:17:07,642 --> 00:17:10,543
And toys for tots.
289
00:17:14,316 --> 00:17:16,944
And now I'm in Guant�namo Bay.
290
00:17:16,985 --> 00:17:19,078
See why I'm against paying taxes?
291
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,884
Hey! Hey.
292
00:17:21,723 --> 00:17:23,054
Fuck you!
293
00:17:23,091 --> 00:17:25,059
Dude, calm down, OK?
294
00:17:25,093 --> 00:17:28,756
Look on the bright side.
There's a sink. There's a toilet.
295
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,765
The pillow actually
looks pretty comfortable.
296
00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:36,297
OK. You don't speak to me, ever.
297
00:17:36,338 --> 00:17:37,600
- Ever.
- OK.
298
00:17:37,639 --> 00:17:39,869
- No! Shut up!
- OK.
299
00:17:42,444 --> 00:17:43,775
So what are you guys in here for?
300
00:17:45,881 --> 00:17:51,114
For giving the United States
a taste of their own medicine.
301
00:17:52,087 --> 00:17:56,217
- You guys are real terrorists?
- Some call us terrorists.
302
00:17:56,258 --> 00:17:58,590
Others call us heroes.
303
00:17:58,627 --> 00:18:02,222
Screw that. You think you guys
are heroes for killing innocent people?
304
00:18:02,264 --> 00:18:04,391
It's 'cause of assholes like you
that we're even in this fucking place...
305
00:18:04,433 --> 00:18:05,832
you fucking cowards!
306
00:18:05,867 --> 00:18:08,700
Well, maybe if the people in your country
stopped eating donuts...
307
00:18:08,737 --> 00:18:11,535
and started realizing what your
government is doing to the world...
308
00:18:11,573 --> 00:18:13,939
assholes like us wouldn't exist.
309
00:18:13,975 --> 00:18:16,842
- Fuck you! Donuts are awesome!
- They're delicious.
310
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:18,175
You like donuts?
311
00:18:18,213 --> 00:18:21,444
Well, wait till you see
what they make you eat in here.
312
00:18:21,483 --> 00:18:23,644
- Yeah?
- What do they make you eat in here?
313
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:25,277
L...
314
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,016
Ever hear of a cockmeat sandwich?
315
00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:30,415
What's a cockmeat sandwich?
316
00:18:31,927 --> 00:18:33,121
You're about to find out.
317
00:18:35,764 --> 00:18:38,426
Right about now. Sucker.
318
00:18:41,670 --> 00:18:45,868
All right, cockmeat sandwich time.
You know the drill.
319
00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:48,603
What about them? They just got here!
320
00:18:51,513 --> 00:18:53,037
Big Bob's taking care of them.
321
00:18:53,081 --> 00:18:55,549
- Big Bob.
- Big Bob?
322
00:18:55,584 --> 00:18:57,950
I hope you like donuts.
323
00:18:57,986 --> 00:19:01,046
Let's go to work. Hey, listen, guys, enjoy.
324
00:19:03,425 --> 00:19:04,687
Holy shit.
325
00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:06,921
Oh, yeah, that's it.
326
00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:11,491
- This is not good.
- No, Kumar, it is not good.
327
00:19:11,533 --> 00:19:13,797
- I've never had to suck a dick before.
- Me neither.
328
00:19:13,835 --> 00:19:15,826
I bet it sucks dick.
329
00:19:17,772 --> 00:19:19,467
Shit, dude.
330
00:19:19,508 --> 00:19:21,476
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
331
00:19:21,510 --> 00:19:24,638
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
Come on.
332
00:19:24,679 --> 00:19:27,375
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
333
00:19:27,415 --> 00:19:28,746
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
334
00:19:28,783 --> 00:19:30,648
- Please don't let it be Big Bob.
- I'm Big Bob.
335
00:19:30,685 --> 00:19:33,654
- Fuck.
- Yes, you are.
336
00:19:35,123 --> 00:19:37,148
You boys ready
for your cockmeat sandwich?
337
00:19:39,327 --> 00:19:40,316
No?
338
00:19:40,362 --> 00:19:42,262
Well, you better get hungry real fast...
339
00:19:42,297 --> 00:19:46,097
'cause I got a whole lot of sandwich
waitin' for ya.
340
00:19:47,035 --> 00:19:48,696
Holy shit!
341
00:19:48,737 --> 00:19:51,934
- All right, let's get goin'.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on, Big Bob...
342
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:55,500
I got to ask you a question
before this all goes down.
343
00:19:55,544 --> 00:19:58,445
- All the guards in Guant�namo are gay?
- Fuck, no!
344
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:01,074
Ain't nothing gay
about getting your dick sucked!
345
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:03,949
You're the ones that's gay
for suckin' my dick!
346
00:20:03,985 --> 00:20:05,646
- What?
- In fact...
347
00:20:05,687 --> 00:20:09,214
creeps me out
just bein' around you fags.
348
00:20:09,257 --> 00:20:10,690
- But...
- All right.
349
00:20:10,725 --> 00:20:12,920
- Wait...
- Get down on your knees...
350
00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:14,656
- and open your mouths.
- Please, Big Bob.
351
00:20:14,696 --> 00:20:15,890
Why don't you just
kick our ass instead?
352
00:20:15,931 --> 00:20:18,126
- Get on your fucking knees!
- All right. All right.
353
00:20:18,166 --> 00:20:21,932
- All right, all right, all right, all right.
- You go first, dude.
354
00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:24,029
Hope you boys like extra mayo.
355
00:20:24,072 --> 00:20:26,802
- Jesus, Kumar.
- Oh, I hate you so much!
356
00:20:26,841 --> 00:20:28,274
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
357
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,744
God, his dick smells like shit, dude.
358
00:20:35,483 --> 00:20:37,280
Holy shit!
359
00:20:38,587 --> 00:20:42,887
- What the hell happened?
- That terrorist fuck bit my dick!
360
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:49,759
- Come on.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait a second!
361
00:20:49,798 --> 00:20:52,164
Should we?
What if they kill us out there?
362
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,861
They're gonna fucking make us
suck their dicks if we don't.
363
00:20:53,902 --> 00:20:55,301
We're gonna die in here. Come on.
364
00:20:58,540 --> 00:21:00,633
- Fuck. Fuck.
- Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
365
00:21:01,209 --> 00:21:03,177
- Shit. Shit.
- Fuck. Fuck.
366
00:21:03,211 --> 00:21:05,270
- Shit. Shit.
- Fuck. Fuck.
367
00:21:05,313 --> 00:21:07,281
- Oh, shit! Get out!
- Fuck!
368
00:21:07,315 --> 00:21:09,579
Oh, shit. Shit.
369
00:21:09,618 --> 00:21:11,108
Door, door.
370
00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:17,450
Look, look, look.
371
00:21:17,492 --> 00:21:19,119
What the fuck is he doing?
372
00:21:31,239 --> 00:21:34,402
We've got to go
now, now, now, now, now!
373
00:21:36,878 --> 00:21:38,846
It smells like burnt asshole.
374
00:21:42,350 --> 00:21:44,318
I can't fucking believe this.
375
00:21:46,388 --> 00:21:47,377
Fuck!
376
00:21:51,092 --> 00:21:52,559
My wrist is swelling, man!
377
00:21:52,594 --> 00:21:54,562
- Shut up.
- We're gonna die in a jungle!
378
00:21:54,596 --> 00:21:56,154
- Shut up!
- Fuck!
379
00:21:56,197 --> 00:22:00,031
Watch out for cheetahs!
This is cheetah turf.
380
00:22:01,269 --> 00:22:03,635
- What?
- OK. Fuck.
381
00:22:03,672 --> 00:22:05,162
We hit ocean.
What do we do now?
382
00:22:06,474 --> 00:22:08,704
All right.
383
00:22:08,743 --> 00:22:10,233
Hey, look, look!
384
00:22:14,449 --> 00:22:15,711
Excuse me.
385
00:22:17,052 --> 00:22:18,679
You guys going to America?
386
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:19,948
S�, vamos.
387
00:22:19,988 --> 00:22:21,888
Yes, we're going.
388
00:22:21,923 --> 00:22:23,390
Thank you.
389
00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:24,483
- Es m�o.
- Vamos, vamos.
390
00:22:24,559 --> 00:22:25,583
I'm telling you, Jorge...
391
00:22:25,627 --> 00:22:27,720
the first thing you have to do
when you get to America...
392
00:22:27,762 --> 00:22:30,663
buy a device called TiVo, OK?
393
00:22:30,699 --> 00:22:33,065
Freedom means nothing if you're
a slave to regular programming...
394
00:22:33,101 --> 00:22:34,534
I promise you that.
395
00:22:34,569 --> 00:22:36,537
And now, how about you focus?
396
00:22:36,571 --> 00:22:38,835
We gotta figure out what to do
when we get to the States.
397
00:22:38,873 --> 00:22:41,706
We don't have wallets. We don't
have any ID. We've got nothing.
398
00:22:41,743 --> 00:22:45,440
Well, I figure we're gonna land
somewhere around Miami, right?
399
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:47,641
There's only one guy we know
who lives down there.
400
00:22:47,682 --> 00:22:50,116
- Who do we know that... Raza.
- Yeah.
401
00:22:50,151 --> 00:22:52,244
We gotta go see Raza.
402
00:22:53,254 --> 00:22:55,051
- Adl�s.
- Hasta luego.
403
00:22:55,090 --> 00:22:58,025
- Thanks again.
- What nice people.
404
00:22:58,059 --> 00:23:00,425
Man, South Florida here we are.
405
00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:02,930
OK. So, now how do we get to Raza's?
406
00:23:02,964 --> 00:23:04,898
The professional way.
We walk. Let's go.
407
00:23:04,933 --> 00:23:06,400
- Walk?
- Yeah.
408
00:23:06,434 --> 00:23:08,425
So I guess Raza's...
409
00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:10,631
- We'll find it, we'll find it.
... thataway. Yeah.
410
00:23:10,672 --> 00:23:12,037
# Dale as�, papl #
411
00:23:12,107 --> 00:23:13,904
# T�came #
412
00:23:14,876 --> 00:23:16,639
# Ay #
413
00:23:16,678 --> 00:23:18,407
# Papl #
414
00:23:18,446 --> 00:23:20,243
# Ay #
415
00:23:20,281 --> 00:23:22,044
# Papl #
416
00:23:22,083 --> 00:23:23,175
# Ay #
417
00:23:23,218 --> 00:23:27,120
- Wow, Raza's place is pretty sweet.
- Kinda ghetto for Miami.
418
00:23:27,155 --> 00:23:28,213
# Para abajo #
419
00:23:28,256 --> 00:23:30,656
# Toca, toca, toca, toca, toca #
420
00:23:34,162 --> 00:23:35,493
- Hi.
- Hey.
421
00:23:38,533 --> 00:23:41,024
Y'all aren't here to complain
about the noise, are you?
422
00:23:41,870 --> 00:23:45,169
No. We're not...
here to complain about the noise.
423
00:23:45,206 --> 00:23:47,731
We're...
424
00:23:50,345 --> 00:23:51,505
We are here to see...
425
00:23:51,546 --> 00:23:53,844
- What is his name? We're here...
- Vagina.
426
00:23:53,882 --> 00:23:57,249
No, we're here to see Raza.
427
00:23:57,285 --> 00:23:59,515
OK. Follow me.
428
00:23:59,554 --> 00:24:01,112
Thank you, ma'am.
429
00:24:01,756 --> 00:24:04,623
We'll follow... you, I guess.
430
00:24:04,659 --> 00:24:06,456
# Ba-dunk, ba-dunk, ba-dunk #
431
00:24:06,494 --> 00:24:08,359
# She got it, she got it #
432
00:24:08,396 --> 00:24:09,863
# Ba-dunk, ba-dunk, ba-dunk #
433
00:24:09,898 --> 00:24:11,889
# She said, "Boy, go ahead" #
434
00:24:11,933 --> 00:24:13,924
# As long as I don't touch it #
435
00:24:13,968 --> 00:24:17,665
# I said, "Now, why the hell
would I wanna interrupt it?" #
436
00:24:17,705 --> 00:24:18,694
Hey.
437
00:24:19,474 --> 00:24:21,635
- Very patriotic of you.
- Thank you.
438
00:24:22,811 --> 00:24:24,779
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
439
00:24:26,981 --> 00:24:29,245
- Hey, Raza!
- What?
440
00:24:29,284 --> 00:24:30,512
What's up?
441
00:24:30,552 --> 00:24:31,883
- Kumar and Roldy?
- What's up, man?
442
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:34,548
I haven't seen you guys
since graduation.
443
00:24:34,589 --> 00:24:36,147
What are you guys doing here?
444
00:24:36,191 --> 00:24:38,853
Wait, what's up
with the orange jumpsuits?
445
00:24:38,893 --> 00:24:40,360
- Hey, no, no, question number one...
- It's kind of a long story. L...
446
00:24:40,395 --> 00:24:42,056
...what's up with this party?
- What do you mean?
447
00:24:42,096 --> 00:24:44,564
There's exposed vagina
all over your house.
448
00:24:44,599 --> 00:24:46,965
Yeah. That was my idea.
449
00:24:47,001 --> 00:24:50,664
I don't know about you guys,
I'm sick of all the hype over topless.
450
00:24:50,705 --> 00:24:53,105
Really? I always liked toplessness.
That's...
451
00:24:53,141 --> 00:24:54,130
- That's just me.
- Yeah? Well, I'm starting...
452
00:24:54,175 --> 00:24:57,770
the bottomless trend.
Hence, the bottomless party.
453
00:24:57,812 --> 00:24:58,801
So what are you guys doing
in South Beach?
454
00:24:58,847 --> 00:25:00,940
How about you answer that question?
I'm gonna go check this out.
455
00:25:00,982 --> 00:25:02,711
- Where are you going?
- Bang bang, buddy.
456
00:25:02,750 --> 00:25:05,082
Listen. I'm really sorry
to bother you with this.
457
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:06,780
- You all right?
- Not really.
458
00:25:09,557 --> 00:25:12,890
They were locked up for less than
an hour, and they already escaped?
459
00:25:12,927 --> 00:25:15,760
Damn it. Make sure the press
doesn't get wind of this.
460
00:25:15,797 --> 00:25:17,765
Don't need the public thinking
we're some two-bit operation.
461
00:25:17,799 --> 00:25:18,788
Got it, sir.
462
00:25:18,833 --> 00:25:20,698
It must have been either al-Qaeda
or North Korea who broke 'em up.
463
00:25:20,735 --> 00:25:22,327
Find out if they have
any relatives in the country.
464
00:25:22,370 --> 00:25:25,396
You probably should have
done that in the first place.
465
00:25:30,378 --> 00:25:35,247
Do you have a problem with the way
I'm running the show, Beecher?
466
00:25:35,283 --> 00:25:37,615
I'm just saying that...
467
00:25:37,652 --> 00:25:41,486
I've looked through the files
on Harold Lee and Kumar Patel.
468
00:25:41,522 --> 00:25:43,080
They were both born
and raised in New Jersey.
469
00:25:43,124 --> 00:25:44,955
Other than a couple of traffic tickets,
they're clean.
470
00:25:44,993 --> 00:25:47,325
Right. That's why
they just broke out of prison.
471
00:25:47,362 --> 00:25:50,229
But they... It's not even clear that they
should have been there in the first place.
472
00:25:50,265 --> 00:25:52,256
Shut your...
473
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,105
You see this cute, little white girl,
Beecher?
474
00:26:01,142 --> 00:26:02,473
Yeah.
475
00:26:02,510 --> 00:26:06,446
Do you want her to get raped
and murdered?
476
00:26:07,849 --> 00:26:08,838
Of course not.
477
00:26:08,883 --> 00:26:11,613
You sure? 'Cause this is America.
478
00:26:12,186 --> 00:26:15,883
- Do you want to rape America?
- No.
479
00:26:15,924 --> 00:26:19,360
Then stop fucking with me.
480
00:26:23,264 --> 00:26:24,731
This is serious.
481
00:26:25,767 --> 00:26:27,667
She's adorable.
482
00:26:29,837 --> 00:26:31,566
So you guys are fucking fugitives?
483
00:26:31,606 --> 00:26:33,836
It's just it's Kumar's fault.
484
00:26:33,875 --> 00:26:35,775
If we get out of this...
485
00:26:35,810 --> 00:26:39,177
the chances of us remaining friends
is highly...
486
00:26:39,213 --> 00:26:40,407
highly... boobies. Yeah.
487
00:26:40,448 --> 00:26:42,473
Hey, what do you think you're doing?
488
00:26:42,517 --> 00:26:44,985
Put that back on. And keep it on.
489
00:26:45,019 --> 00:26:47,146
- Sorry.
- Fuckin' party do you think this is?
490
00:26:47,188 --> 00:26:49,281
Yo. What are you guys talking about?
491
00:26:49,324 --> 00:26:51,349
Roldy was just letting me
in on your situation.
492
00:26:51,392 --> 00:26:53,326
- Yeah?
- Thanks for getting me involved.
493
00:26:53,361 --> 00:26:55,295
What about that fuckin' time
we had to cover for you...
494
00:26:55,330 --> 00:26:57,093
lie to your ex-girlfriend
about how you got crabs?
495
00:26:57,131 --> 00:26:58,291
You owe us, man.
496
00:26:58,333 --> 00:26:59,630
- Yeah, that's right.
- What?
497
00:26:59,667 --> 00:27:01,828
- OK, that was a long time ago.
- I love crabs.
498
00:27:01,869 --> 00:27:03,666
Speaking of ex-girlfriends...
499
00:27:03,705 --> 00:27:05,434
isn't yours getting married
or something?
500
00:27:05,473 --> 00:27:07,407
How does everybody know about this
except for me?
501
00:27:07,442 --> 00:27:08,875
Wait.
502
00:27:09,911 --> 00:27:12,038
Colton! Colton Graham can help us out.
503
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:13,445
- No! Fuck that!
- Yes!
504
00:27:13,481 --> 00:27:16,177
No doubt. If anyone could
clear your names, it's him.
505
00:27:16,217 --> 00:27:17,912
No, I'm sorry.
That dickweed is not helping us.
506
00:27:17,952 --> 00:27:19,886
Wait a second.
Do you have his contact info?
507
00:27:19,921 --> 00:27:23,948
Not anymore. But the wedding is
at his family's estate in Hewitt, Texas.
508
00:27:24,525 --> 00:27:26,516
But you don't want to bother them
when they're doing their whole...
509
00:27:26,561 --> 00:27:28,586
wedding thing, right?
510
00:27:30,498 --> 00:27:33,433
You know,
that actually might be our only hope.
511
00:27:33,468 --> 00:27:36,733
Fuck! How do we get there? We can't
go to the airport. They're looking for us.
512
00:27:36,771 --> 00:27:38,363
- I'll loan you one of my cars.
- Really?
513
00:27:38,406 --> 00:27:42,137
But first... y'all got to get
in the spirit of the party.
514
00:27:42,176 --> 00:27:45,373
- What do you mean, spirit of...
- What do you think I mean?
515
00:27:46,180 --> 00:27:49,274
- What about you?
- Me? I've been in the spirit.
516
00:27:50,585 --> 00:27:52,348
- Oh, God!
- Oh, my God, dude!
517
00:27:52,387 --> 00:27:53,615
Oh, my God!
518
00:27:53,654 --> 00:27:55,485
- Love your dickdo, Raza.
- Yeah. Drink it in.
519
00:27:55,523 --> 00:27:58,720
- What the fuck?
- That looks like Osama bin Laden's beard.
520
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:00,990
I know, right? All right, boys.
521
00:28:01,029 --> 00:28:02,792
Your turn. Let 'em dangle.
522
00:28:04,298 --> 00:28:06,266
- Let's just do it.
- Bring it.
523
00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:08,427
Count of three?
524
00:28:08,469 --> 00:28:10,164
One.
525
00:28:10,204 --> 00:28:11,694
Two, three.
526
00:28:14,042 --> 00:28:16,306
Your cocks are awesome, man!
527
00:28:16,344 --> 00:28:18,676
That's not even necessary.
528
00:28:18,713 --> 00:28:20,840
- Would you please...
- Oh, my dick!
529
00:28:20,882 --> 00:28:23,077
# My dick cost a late-night fee #
530
00:28:23,117 --> 00:28:25,244
# Your dick got the HIV #
531
00:28:25,286 --> 00:28:27,846
# My dick plays on
the double feature screen #
532
00:28:27,889 --> 00:28:30,187
# Your dick went straight to DVD #
533
00:28:30,224 --> 00:28:32,784
# My dick bigger than a bridge #
534
00:28:32,827 --> 00:28:35,125
# Your dick look like a little kid's #
535
00:28:35,163 --> 00:28:38,064
# My dick large like the Chargers,
the whole team #
536
00:28:38,099 --> 00:28:39,862
# Your shit look like you 14 #
537
00:28:39,901 --> 00:28:42,335
# My dick locked in a cage, right #
538
00:28:42,370 --> 00:28:44,497
# Your dick suffer from stage fright #
539
00:28:44,539 --> 00:28:47,167
# My dick so hot it's stolen #
540
00:28:47,208 --> 00:28:49,699
# Your dick look like Gary Coleman #
541
00:28:49,744 --> 00:28:52,235
# My dick pink and big #
542
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:56,478
- This car is frickin' sweet.
- Yeah, yeah, it's sweet.
543
00:28:56,517 --> 00:28:58,041
'Cause we're fugitives.
544
00:28:58,086 --> 00:29:01,078
Driving a yellow convertible
with the top down, dressed like assholes!
545
00:29:01,122 --> 00:29:04,114
Yo. Yo. Yo, look, he has
one of these things.
546
00:29:04,158 --> 00:29:06,149
- Would you put that down?
- No, you can hook up to the Internet.
547
00:29:06,194 --> 00:29:08,856
You can play Mlke Tyson's Punch-Outll
on it. King Hippo's going down.
548
00:29:08,896 --> 00:29:10,761
Put that away. Put that away.
549
00:29:10,798 --> 00:29:14,598
I can't believe you can even think about
playing games at a time like this, man.
550
00:29:14,635 --> 00:29:17,263
You realize what would happen
if our parents found out about this?
551
00:29:17,839 --> 00:29:20,672
You have sent our sons
to Guant�namo Bay?
552
00:29:20,708 --> 00:29:22,869
This is an outrage!
553
00:29:23,578 --> 00:29:26,877
You Arabs think you can just mix in
with our peaceful society...
554
00:29:26,914 --> 00:29:28,074
and we're not gonna find you, huh?
555
00:29:28,116 --> 00:29:30,550
I am not Arab! I am Indian!
556
00:29:30,585 --> 00:29:35,079
Look, Chief. I'm not here to argue
seblantics with you, OK?
557
00:29:35,123 --> 00:29:37,182
I'm here to save lives.
558
00:29:37,225 --> 00:29:40,319
Ask the Lees what they know
about their son's terrorist activity.
559
00:29:50,071 --> 00:29:53,939
Look, we have been American citizens
for over 40 years.
560
00:29:53,975 --> 00:29:57,467
Now, frankly, I find this very offensive.
561
00:29:59,614 --> 00:30:04,017
They're using some sort of dialect
I've never heard before.
562
00:30:04,051 --> 00:30:07,214
But I'm pretty sure he said something
about going on the offensive.
563
00:30:09,090 --> 00:30:12,355
Tell them we know
what their son is up to...
564
00:30:12,393 --> 00:30:15,260
and if they don't cooperate,
he could be sentenced to death.
565
00:30:16,864 --> 00:30:19,059
Hit 'em. Yeah.
566
00:30:23,037 --> 00:30:24,971
We know what he said!
567
00:30:25,006 --> 00:30:27,998
Sir, Harold and Kumar are good boys.
568
00:30:31,679 --> 00:30:33,909
I'm a pretty good translator.
569
00:30:33,948 --> 00:30:35,711
It's total gibberish.
570
00:30:37,485 --> 00:30:38,975
They may be trying to stonewall us.
571
00:30:39,854 --> 00:30:42,186
Are you sure you speak Korean, Jack?
572
00:30:42,223 --> 00:30:43,212
You speak Korean?
573
00:30:43,257 --> 00:30:45,054
You're not fucking with Daddy, are you?
574
00:30:45,092 --> 00:30:49,153
Do you have a masters
in romantic Korean literature?
575
00:30:49,197 --> 00:30:51,222
Because I do...
576
00:30:51,265 --> 00:30:52,823
and I'm offended.
577
00:30:54,035 --> 00:30:55,024
Good enough for me.
578
00:30:55,970 --> 00:30:58,097
Look, excuse me...
579
00:30:58,139 --> 00:31:00,505
we're not looking to hurt your sons...
580
00:31:00,541 --> 00:31:02,941
we just wanna know where they are.
581
00:31:02,977 --> 00:31:05,172
Do you know if they know anybody
in Florida?
582
00:31:06,347 --> 00:31:09,680
Their friend Raza Syed lives in Miami.
583
00:31:10,284 --> 00:31:11,751
But why would they be there?
584
00:31:11,786 --> 00:31:13,549
He's supposed to be in medical school.
585
00:31:13,588 --> 00:31:18,753
They are supposed to be in prison!
That is where terrorists belong!
586
00:31:21,395 --> 00:31:23,955
These fuckers are goin' down.
587
00:31:23,998 --> 00:31:25,898
Dead. Or alive.
588
00:31:25,933 --> 00:31:29,232
Tell them that in your fake
ching-chong language.
589
00:31:31,372 --> 00:31:32,737
Shut up! You're an idiot.
590
00:31:34,308 --> 00:31:37,368
I don't know what you're saying, buddy...
591
00:31:37,411 --> 00:31:38,400
but fuck you.
592
00:31:38,446 --> 00:31:39,538
- Fuck me?
- Will you let him talk to you like that?
593
00:31:39,580 --> 00:31:41,775
- Listen, no, sit down.
- Fuck me?
594
00:31:49,757 --> 00:31:51,952
Hey, look, man, we're in Alabama.
595
00:31:53,127 --> 00:31:55,391
Wow, we actually get a first-hand look
at the South, huh?
596
00:31:55,429 --> 00:31:58,990
Hey, this wasn't supposed to be a trip
through the South, OK?
597
00:31:59,033 --> 00:32:01,524
This was supposed to be
the most romantic week of my life.
598
00:32:01,569 --> 00:32:04,265
Remember that? Before you
fucked it up? You remember that?
599
00:32:04,305 --> 00:32:06,500
Just chill, OK?
We'll be out of this situation.
600
00:32:06,540 --> 00:32:09,737
You'll be up in Maria's guts
in no time, all right?
601
00:32:09,777 --> 00:32:13,736
Hey. She's not some skank, man.
602
00:32:13,781 --> 00:32:17,979
I've never felt this way
about anyone before, really.
603
00:32:19,287 --> 00:32:21,619
What the fuck?
Why am I talking to you about this?
604
00:32:21,656 --> 00:32:23,954
It's not like you would understand, so...
605
00:32:34,935 --> 00:32:37,096
# I want to be happy #
606
00:32:38,372 --> 00:32:40,932
# I want to be happy, just like... #
607
00:32:40,975 --> 00:32:45,036
Excuse me, please.
Will you turn that off? This is a library.
608
00:32:47,615 --> 00:32:49,446
What a fucking chode.
609
00:32:49,483 --> 00:32:51,474
Thank you, come again!
610
00:32:57,825 --> 00:32:59,952
- What the fuck?!
- Oh, my God.
611
00:32:59,994 --> 00:33:01,586
You know, the whole reason
people come to the stacks...
612
00:33:01,629 --> 00:33:04,154
is for some peace and...
613
00:33:05,166 --> 00:33:06,724
quiet.
614
00:33:06,767 --> 00:33:09,600
Look, I know, I'm sorry. I hate it
when people disturb me here too.
615
00:33:09,637 --> 00:33:12,765
It's just this fucking calculus final
is killing me.
616
00:33:14,308 --> 00:33:18,210
- Do you mind if I take a look?
- No.
617
00:33:18,245 --> 00:33:22,375
- You're actually very close. May I?
- Yeah.
618
00:33:22,416 --> 00:33:24,213
Excuse me.
619
00:33:28,789 --> 00:33:30,984
I touched your breast.
620
00:33:31,025 --> 00:33:33,493
- It's OK.
- Sorry.
621
00:33:36,130 --> 00:33:38,098
You just go...
622
00:33:40,134 --> 00:33:43,035
Wow. You're good at this.
623
00:33:43,070 --> 00:33:44,332
Thanks.
624
00:33:44,372 --> 00:33:47,068
What did you, like, take calculus
in high school or something?
625
00:33:47,108 --> 00:33:50,100
Actually, my dad taught it to me
in sixth grade.
626
00:33:50,144 --> 00:33:52,669
What, are you like Doogie Howser?
627
00:33:52,713 --> 00:33:55,944
No. Although that would be incredible.
He's my hero.
628
00:33:55,983 --> 00:33:58,474
I love that show.
629
00:33:59,954 --> 00:34:01,114
What are you working on there?
630
00:34:01,155 --> 00:34:04,056
This is just a poem
for my creative writing class.
631
00:34:04,091 --> 00:34:06,423
It's like...
632
00:34:06,460 --> 00:34:08,257
- "The Square Root Of Three"?
- No, no, I'm sorry...
633
00:34:08,295 --> 00:34:11,093
- "A poem of love by Kumar Patel. "
- I need this.
634
00:34:11,132 --> 00:34:13,191
- Hey, let me read it.
- No, no.
635
00:34:13,234 --> 00:34:15,464
- Why?
- Because it's lame.
636
00:34:15,503 --> 00:34:16,527
Then read it to me.
637
00:34:16,570 --> 00:34:20,563
There's no way I'm letting you see me
in that light. Good luck with your calculus.
638
00:34:21,609 --> 00:34:25,978
Come on, don't be embarrassed. You
know, a lot of girls find intelligence sexy.
639
00:34:26,013 --> 00:34:29,005
Look, I'm not even gonna be
showing this to my professor, all right?
640
00:34:29,049 --> 00:34:31,244
That's why I'm so stressed out
right now.
641
00:34:31,285 --> 00:34:33,515
Stressed out, huh?
642
00:34:33,554 --> 00:34:35,454
Come with me.
643
00:34:36,657 --> 00:34:38,989
...going?
- Come on.
644
00:34:41,162 --> 00:34:42,754
What?
645
00:34:48,102 --> 00:34:52,095
You're smoking drugs in the library?
What if somebody catches us?
646
00:34:52,740 --> 00:34:55,368
Don't worry. It'll help you relax.
647
00:34:55,409 --> 00:34:57,877
Oh, boy.
648
00:34:57,912 --> 00:35:00,380
It's illegal.
649
00:35:00,414 --> 00:35:05,147
# I want your fish right by me #
650
00:35:05,753 --> 00:35:08,654
# That's how it has to be #
651
00:35:08,689 --> 00:35:09,883
Here.
652
00:35:09,924 --> 00:35:12,518
#... copacetic if you let it so set up #
653
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:16,189
# And keep the downstream down
and the upstream up #
654
00:35:18,065 --> 00:35:19,794
This is poison.
655
00:35:19,834 --> 00:35:21,734
# My stoney, my baby #
656
00:35:21,769 --> 00:35:23,430
Let me help you.
657
00:35:23,471 --> 00:35:26,167
# Funk the groovin' thang whistlin' #
658
00:35:26,207 --> 00:35:27,834
# As I rip my rhymes #
659
00:35:27,875 --> 00:35:30,435
# Time and time again struttin'
and in the summertime #
660
00:35:30,478 --> 00:35:32,673
# So screw it,
strip down and be generic #
661
00:35:32,713 --> 00:35:35,147
# Strip down and be a passenger
Strip down and be a messenger #
662
00:35:35,182 --> 00:35:37,810
# In askin' why I'm born
I come up blank in the winter #
663
00:35:37,852 --> 00:35:40,480
# In askin' why I'm born
I come up on when I'm on her #
664
00:35:40,521 --> 00:35:42,716
- # It's time to find the kind #
- # My summer, his summer #
665
00:35:42,756 --> 00:35:44,348
I'm Kumar.
666
00:35:45,993 --> 00:35:47,290
Vanessa.
667
00:35:47,328 --> 00:35:49,694
You're still not reading that poem.
668
00:35:49,730 --> 00:35:53,689
# And then I kiss my stoney baby #
669
00:35:53,734 --> 00:35:56,032
# My stoney, my stoney #
670
00:35:56,070 --> 00:35:58,368
# My stoney baby #
671
00:35:58,405 --> 00:36:00,965
# My stoney #
672
00:36:01,008 --> 00:36:03,033
# My stoney baby #
673
00:36:03,711 --> 00:36:04,973
Kumar.
674
00:36:06,013 --> 00:36:09,141
# My stoney baby #
675
00:36:09,183 --> 00:36:10,172
Kumar.
676
00:36:10,217 --> 00:36:12,048
Kumar. Kumar.
677
00:36:12,219 --> 00:36:14,420
- Kumar.
- Yeah.
678
00:36:14,455 --> 00:36:17,720
What's going on? We're in Birmingham,
Alabama. Are we supposed to be here?
679
00:36:17,758 --> 00:36:19,919
What's going on?
680
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,087
- Why did you bring us here, dude?
- What do you mean, why did I...
681
00:36:22,129 --> 00:36:25,394
You were supposed to be following the
directions, asshole. What do you mean?
682
00:36:25,432 --> 00:36:28,026
There's got to be like a highway
or something, right?
683
00:36:28,068 --> 00:36:30,366
Yeah, there's got to be a highway.
684
00:36:31,305 --> 00:36:33,170
What's going on up there?
685
00:36:33,207 --> 00:36:34,572
# Squad up #
686
00:36:34,608 --> 00:36:36,235
# My niggas #
687
00:36:36,277 --> 00:36:38,177
# I see some pussy-ass niggas,
so what the fuck... #
688
00:36:38,212 --> 00:36:40,680
What the hell is this?
689
00:36:40,714 --> 00:36:41,806
# We knock these niggas out #
690
00:36:41,849 --> 00:36:43,908
# I see some pussy-ass niggas,
so what the fuck you wanna do? #
691
00:36:43,951 --> 00:36:46,613
- I'm turning around.
- Nah, just go through, man.
692
00:36:47,421 --> 00:36:49,321
Dude, we're not driving
through this basketball game.
693
00:36:49,356 --> 00:36:51,984
You know, Roldy, I really thought
you were bigger than this.
694
00:36:52,026 --> 00:36:54,358
Dude, I'm not scared
'cause they're black.
695
00:36:54,395 --> 00:36:55,657
I'm scared because they're scary.
696
00:36:55,696 --> 00:36:58,062
And it's not like we got
Gregory Hines out there.
697
00:36:58,098 --> 00:36:59,087
They're not that scary.
698
00:37:00,834 --> 00:37:03,394
It's my ball!
699
00:37:03,437 --> 00:37:04,904
Turn around.
700
00:37:04,939 --> 00:37:07,908
# Rob this motherfucker,
drop his punk ass in a ditch #
701
00:37:07,942 --> 00:37:10,843
# Drag this pussy nigga,
slap his ass up like a bitch #
702
00:37:10,878 --> 00:37:12,436
# My niggas is my niggas
'cause my niggas... #
703
00:37:12,479 --> 00:37:14,811
- Fuck! It won't move!
- Shit, dude.
704
00:37:14,848 --> 00:37:16,315
# Shoot him dead between his lips #
705
00:37:16,350 --> 00:37:17,442
# I see some pussy... #
706
00:37:18,452 --> 00:37:19,976
- That's not good.
- Now there's no music, man.
707
00:37:20,020 --> 00:37:21,612
Shit, man.
708
00:37:21,655 --> 00:37:24,590
- Motherfucker!
- My Jordans, nigga!
709
00:37:24,625 --> 00:37:26,490
- Shit, this isn't good.
- This is not good. This is not good.
710
00:37:27,828 --> 00:37:30,058
No. No. No.
711
00:37:30,097 --> 00:37:31,621
They're coming over here.
712
00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:36,599
- Fucking shit. Why did you do that?
- Yeah, I hit a fire hydrant on purpose.
713
00:37:37,605 --> 00:37:40,005
They're getting weapons, man.
714
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:41,473
All right, what do we do?
What do we do?
715
00:37:41,508 --> 00:37:43,806
Run, run, run. Run, run.
716
00:37:49,216 --> 00:37:51,980
Yo. Yo.
717
00:37:52,886 --> 00:37:55,787
- Where y'all going? Damn!
- We was just trying to help.
718
00:37:55,823 --> 00:37:59,987
Man, somebody call the police.
We need to report this.
719
00:38:14,208 --> 00:38:18,702
- Yeah, that's right. You like the ride?
- Fuck you, man.
720
00:38:18,746 --> 00:38:23,376
They abandoned it last night.
It's registered to a Raza Syed.
721
00:38:23,417 --> 00:38:25,908
The witnesses' description
of the driver and passenger...
722
00:38:25,953 --> 00:38:28,786
match that of Lee and Patel.
723
00:38:30,090 --> 00:38:34,151
We tried bringing in Syed last night,
but he's already left the country.
724
00:38:35,329 --> 00:38:38,230
Well, they know we're closing in on 'em,
that's why.
725
00:38:38,265 --> 00:38:40,859
OK. No, I'll give you a call. All right.
726
00:38:42,603 --> 00:38:44,696
No, no, no, no!
727
00:38:44,738 --> 00:38:46,069
- Holy shit!
- Easy, easy!
728
00:38:46,106 --> 00:38:47,903
- Easy.
- Easy!
729
00:38:47,941 --> 00:38:49,670
This is our witness.
730
00:38:49,710 --> 00:38:51,575
Put it down! Yo, put it down!
731
00:38:51,612 --> 00:38:52,738
You all know I got one!
732
00:38:52,780 --> 00:38:54,441
I got one too!
733
00:38:56,784 --> 00:39:01,016
So, you saw the fugitives, huh?
734
00:39:01,055 --> 00:39:03,615
Yeah. It was like
I was telling the Sheriff...
735
00:39:03,657 --> 00:39:07,593
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
How do I know you're telling the truth?
736
00:39:07,628 --> 00:39:09,493
I don't have a reason
to lie to you, man.
737
00:39:09,530 --> 00:39:10,895
Really?
738
00:39:10,931 --> 00:39:13,729
- Get up in your face, man.
- We'll see.
739
00:39:13,767 --> 00:39:15,598
That ain't right.
740
00:39:15,636 --> 00:39:17,570
Where's he going?
741
00:39:19,306 --> 00:39:21,001
What's going on?
742
00:39:24,745 --> 00:39:25,734
Hell no!
743
00:39:25,779 --> 00:39:28,111
Now why don't you tell me
what really happened?
744
00:39:28,148 --> 00:39:30,013
Is that grape soda?
745
00:39:30,050 --> 00:39:31,915
What the fuck, yo?
746
00:39:34,822 --> 00:39:37,017
- All right.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on!
747
00:39:37,057 --> 00:39:38,490
This is so ignorant.
748
00:39:38,525 --> 00:39:40,516
- Really?
- Yes.
749
00:39:40,561 --> 00:39:42,529
Is this ignorant?
750
00:39:42,563 --> 00:39:45,054
Yo, that's racist, man. That's racist.
751
00:39:45,099 --> 00:39:47,226
Hey, Jon, are you gonna let him do that?
752
00:39:48,001 --> 00:39:50,299
See if he got Kool-Aid.
753
00:39:50,337 --> 00:39:52,237
Almost gone, witness.
754
00:39:52,272 --> 00:39:54,206
Sure there's not something
you wanna tell me?
755
00:39:54,241 --> 00:39:56,141
I'm not stoppin' until you crack!
756
00:39:56,176 --> 00:39:57,268
I already told you
that they took off runnin'!
757
00:39:57,311 --> 00:39:58,642
All right, all right, all right.
758
00:39:58,679 --> 00:40:01,375
This isn't necessary!
Mr. White is telling you the truth!
759
00:40:01,415 --> 00:40:03,975
Yeah, and how can you be
so sure, Beecher?
760
00:40:04,017 --> 00:40:07,453
'Cause he doesn't have a police record.
He's an orthodontist, for Christ's sake.
761
00:40:09,523 --> 00:40:13,789
OK, then, Beech. How do you
propose we find the terrorists, huh?
762
00:40:14,628 --> 00:40:17,495
There was a Nokia 7710
taken from the console.
763
00:40:17,531 --> 00:40:18,793
We have its tracking numbers.
764
00:40:18,832 --> 00:40:21,960
Our satellites are running a trace on it,
as we speak.
765
00:40:22,002 --> 00:40:24,061
I'm serious about that Kool-Aid.
766
00:40:24,104 --> 00:40:25,332
What's going on? Where are you?
767
00:40:25,372 --> 00:40:26,771
Dude, that is a fucking long story.
768
00:40:26,807 --> 00:40:29,799
We're actually in Alabama right now,
heading to Texas.
769
00:40:31,345 --> 00:40:33,438
What is that sound? Are you jerking off
again? What are you doing?
770
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,778
I'm taking a glorious pee-pee.
771
00:40:35,816 --> 00:40:37,875
Hey, listen, you're not gonna believe this...
772
00:40:37,918 --> 00:40:40,546
but the other night,
I ended up at that Asian party...
773
00:40:40,587 --> 00:40:43,147
and I schtupped Cindy Kim.
774
00:40:43,190 --> 00:40:45,158
Shut the fuck up. Are you serious?
775
00:40:45,192 --> 00:40:47,319
Yeah, man,
she even gave me a blumpkin.
776
00:40:47,361 --> 00:40:48,623
What is a blumpkin?
777
00:40:48,662 --> 00:40:51,756
It's when a girl gives you head while
you're sitting on the toilet takin' a shit.
778
00:40:51,799 --> 00:40:53,426
Really?
779
00:40:53,467 --> 00:40:56,027
- Hello?
- Hey. Hey! What are you doing?
780
00:40:56,069 --> 00:40:58,594
Hello? Come, come?
781
00:41:00,374 --> 00:41:01,807
Did you go?
782
00:41:01,842 --> 00:41:03,309
Yeah, I'm done.
783
00:41:03,343 --> 00:41:06,278
You said to me we were gonna
cross swords. You promised.
784
00:41:06,313 --> 00:41:08,110
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
785
00:41:09,149 --> 00:41:12,778
Are you talking on a cellphone
when the government is looking for us?
786
00:41:12,820 --> 00:41:15,311
Dude, it was just Goldstein.
I had something important to tell him.
787
00:41:15,355 --> 00:41:17,118
It's 'cause you had something...
That's good, that's OK.
788
00:41:17,157 --> 00:41:22,720
Nothing is more important
than finding a way to get to Texas.
789
00:41:22,763 --> 00:41:23,752
- Do you get it?
- Yes.
790
00:41:23,797 --> 00:41:28,200
We've been walking an entire day
and we have not seen a street sign.
791
00:41:28,235 --> 00:41:29,361
Do you get it?
792
00:41:29,403 --> 00:41:32,668
- Can I say...
- Again. This is... I can't.
793
00:41:32,706 --> 00:41:33,900
Dude, honestly...
794
00:41:33,941 --> 00:41:37,308
you've got to be a little more positive
about these things, all right?
795
00:41:37,344 --> 00:41:40,609
- Yeah?
- Positive about what? I don't...
796
00:41:40,647 --> 00:41:44,048
First of all, look at this beautiful
Alabama landscape, OK?
797
00:41:44,084 --> 00:41:47,178
You don't get shit like this in New Jersey.
798
00:41:48,021 --> 00:41:49,420
God, you...
799
00:41:49,489 --> 00:41:50,956
Hey, look, dude.
800
00:41:50,991 --> 00:41:52,891
It's a baby deer.
801
00:41:53,694 --> 00:41:57,255
- Wow. Man.
- Shit.
802
00:41:59,900 --> 00:42:02,733
Hey. Hey.
803
00:42:02,769 --> 00:42:06,227
Look how cute this deer is, dude. Not
like those asshole deer in New Jersey.
804
00:42:06,273 --> 00:42:07,763
I know, man.
805
00:42:07,808 --> 00:42:10,333
- Hey, buddy.
- Dude, Alabama's awesome.
806
00:42:10,377 --> 00:42:12,174
He likes you.
807
00:42:13,046 --> 00:42:15,674
- Oh, my God!
- No!
808
00:42:18,685 --> 00:42:21,620
Sorry about that. I was in my zone.
809
00:42:24,791 --> 00:42:28,454
What the hell are y'all doing out here
in them fancy clothes?
810
00:42:28,495 --> 00:42:31,020
We were on our way to Texas
and we got lost.
811
00:42:31,064 --> 00:42:32,554
Texas?
812
00:42:33,667 --> 00:42:35,828
You're a long way from Texas.
813
00:42:36,169 --> 00:42:37,193
No!
814
00:42:40,874 --> 00:42:43,536
Born in '04.
815
00:42:43,577 --> 00:42:45,238
Get in here.
816
00:42:48,548 --> 00:42:51,642
Yeah. The sun's about to go down.
817
00:42:51,685 --> 00:42:55,485
- Y'all need a place to stay? Ya hungry?
- Yeah, sure.
818
00:42:55,522 --> 00:42:57,581
You want to follow me?
819
00:42:58,492 --> 00:43:00,084
Come on.
820
00:43:01,094 --> 00:43:03,085
Maybe we shouldn't.
821
00:43:03,764 --> 00:43:06,494
It's already dead.
You need a hand, dude?
822
00:43:07,134 --> 00:43:09,728
My grandpappy
bought this land in 1902.
823
00:43:09,770 --> 00:43:12,238
Very nice, sir.
824
00:43:12,272 --> 00:43:14,502
This place is gonna suck.
825
00:43:18,578 --> 00:43:21,206
Honey, I'm home.
826
00:43:21,248 --> 00:43:22,681
# � ver�o #
827
00:43:24,451 --> 00:43:27,682
# Aten��o #
828
00:43:27,721 --> 00:43:29,086
I'm in here.
829
00:43:32,492 --> 00:43:35,393
I wish you'd-a told me
you was bringing guests home.
830
00:43:35,429 --> 00:43:37,294
I'da straightened up in here.
831
00:43:37,331 --> 00:43:39,424
Fellas, this is my wife Raylene.
832
00:43:39,466 --> 00:43:42,094
Raylene, meet Harold and Kumar.
833
00:43:42,135 --> 00:43:43,602
Hello.
834
00:43:43,637 --> 00:43:47,903
Can't shake.
I've just got... deer head all over me.
835
00:43:47,941 --> 00:43:50,239
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you boys.
836
00:43:50,277 --> 00:43:52,768
- You just make yourselves at home.
- Thank you.
837
00:43:52,813 --> 00:43:54,371
Honey, something's wrong
with that DSL.
838
00:43:54,414 --> 00:43:57,474
Every time I go on the online,
it says, "Searching for server. "
839
00:43:57,517 --> 00:43:59,382
You try unplugging the AirPort base?
840
00:43:59,419 --> 00:44:01,546
Yeah, I done did that but it didn't work.
841
00:44:01,588 --> 00:44:03,112
What you need to go online fors,
anyways?
842
00:44:03,156 --> 00:44:06,284
I was gonna get one of them
new portable satellite radios.
843
00:44:06,326 --> 00:44:08,954
What the fuck
you need a satellite radio for?
844
00:44:08,996 --> 00:44:11,294
Don't you be cussin'
when we got company over.
845
00:44:11,331 --> 00:44:12,457
- Guys.
- Please don't worry about us.
846
00:44:12,499 --> 00:44:13,796
We cuss all the time.
847
00:44:13,834 --> 00:44:15,165
Who do you think you is, hitting me?
848
00:44:15,202 --> 00:44:17,329
Who do you think bought you
that Prada bag?
849
00:44:17,371 --> 00:44:19,236
I told you I wanted a Gucci one.
850
00:44:19,272 --> 00:44:20,534
The Gucci bag cost more!
851
00:44:20,574 --> 00:44:22,872
Well, Jan Sapperstein's husband
sure could afford it.
852
00:44:22,909 --> 00:44:25,070
Here we go again with Jan Sapperstein.
853
00:44:25,112 --> 00:44:27,376
I don't give a rat's ass what that bitch got.
854
00:44:27,414 --> 00:44:28,676
You be happy with what you have.
855
00:44:28,715 --> 00:44:31,377
What I have is a husband
who ain't worth a turd!
856
00:44:31,418 --> 00:44:32,783
You wanna give me shit now?
857
00:44:32,819 --> 00:44:34,878
- That's right!
- After everything I let you buy!
858
00:44:34,921 --> 00:44:36,320
Even look at the credit card bills?
859
00:44:36,356 --> 00:44:39,052
...you buy?! Do you think we need
another set of golf balls?
860
00:44:39,092 --> 00:44:42,027
- Even worse is the credit card miles.
- Stinky, smelly, motherf...
861
00:44:42,062 --> 00:44:43,859
Guys, we're just gonna get out of here.
862
00:44:43,897 --> 00:44:47,594
Nonsense. Don't be silly.
You're our guests.
863
00:44:47,634 --> 00:44:50,102
You guys have got to stay for supper.
864
00:44:50,137 --> 00:44:51,729
- No, we couldn't. That's...
- No, thank you. We really couldn't...
865
00:44:51,772 --> 00:44:56,175
Of course, we're gonna
have to get high first.
866
00:45:19,399 --> 00:45:21,390
We're close.
867
00:45:28,608 --> 00:45:31,236
This is news to me.
I never knew farmers smoked weed.
868
00:45:31,278 --> 00:45:34,736
You ever tried farmin' not high?
It's borin' as shit.
869
00:45:34,781 --> 00:45:36,772
You know, this is great, guys.
870
00:45:36,817 --> 00:45:38,910
I kind of always,
you know, sort of assumed...
871
00:45:38,952 --> 00:45:42,319
that people from the South
were kinda...
872
00:45:42,355 --> 00:45:44,255
A bunch of dumb rednecks?
873
00:45:44,291 --> 00:45:46,919
- No.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not...
874
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:50,896
We do try to keep our inbred son in
the basement when we have company.
875
00:45:50,931 --> 00:45:53,263
Guys, I didn't mean it like that. I was just...
876
00:45:57,370 --> 00:45:59,235
Look at their faces!
877
00:46:04,578 --> 00:46:05,567
Fuck, fuck!
878
00:46:05,612 --> 00:46:07,273
Shit, they found us.
They found us. They found us.
879
00:46:07,314 --> 00:46:08,906
- What do you mean, they found you?
- Listen, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry.
880
00:46:08,949 --> 00:46:10,940
Are you boys in some kind of trouble?
881
00:46:10,984 --> 00:46:13,817
All right. This is gonna sound crazy,
but, basically...
882
00:46:13,854 --> 00:46:15,116
we were on a plane to Amsterdam...
883
00:46:15,155 --> 00:46:17,817
and we got mistaken for terrorists
and we got sent to Guant�namo Bay...
884
00:46:17,858 --> 00:46:19,985
and then we escaped and snuck
into America with a bunch of Cubans...
885
00:46:20,026 --> 00:46:21,050
and now we're trying to get to Texas...
886
00:46:21,094 --> 00:46:22,083
where there's a guy
who can help us out...
887
00:46:22,129 --> 00:46:24,029
and he's getting married
to Kumar's ex-girlfriend.
888
00:46:24,064 --> 00:46:25,793
Yes.
889
00:46:26,666 --> 00:46:29,362
OK. That's cool.
890
00:46:29,402 --> 00:46:31,836
- I understand that.
- You do?
891
00:46:31,872 --> 00:46:36,104
Like the government's never screwed
us over before. You know what?
892
00:46:36,143 --> 00:46:38,202
Y'all come down here and hide
in the basement. I will handle this.
893
00:46:38,245 --> 00:46:39,678
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, both.
894
00:46:39,713 --> 00:46:41,681
Thank you, thank you.
895
00:46:51,057 --> 00:46:53,992
OK. This isn't creepy.
896
00:46:57,531 --> 00:46:58,964
What the hell is that?
897
00:47:00,867 --> 00:47:03,563
You're walking
towards the creepy music?
898
00:47:04,137 --> 00:47:05,399
Ge...
899
00:47:05,438 --> 00:47:06,996
This song rocks, dude.
900
00:47:13,780 --> 00:47:14,769
Kumar.
901
00:47:21,321 --> 00:47:24,051
Hey, dude, there's a lighter here
with a clown on it.
902
00:47:25,525 --> 00:47:27,049
Jesus Christ, there's a fucking monster!
903
00:47:27,827 --> 00:47:28,885
God!
904
00:47:39,973 --> 00:47:43,136
Hey, you don't happen to have
a Baby Ruth on you, do you?
905
00:47:43,176 --> 00:47:45,736
No. Why do you need a Baby Ruth?
906
00:47:45,779 --> 00:47:48,714
That's how Chunk won over Sloth
in The Goonles.
907
00:47:48,748 --> 00:47:50,682
This thing looks like Sloth?
908
00:47:50,717 --> 00:47:52,878
All I saw was the creature's hand.
909
00:47:52,919 --> 00:47:54,614
The hand looks like Sloth?
910
00:47:54,654 --> 00:47:58,784
The fucking hand of an evil monster,
dude. Like fucking claws and shit.
911
00:47:58,825 --> 00:48:00,622
Shit.
912
00:48:00,660 --> 00:48:05,029
Listen, no matter what, don't let
the creature know that it's ugly, OK?
913
00:48:05,065 --> 00:48:07,966
The last thing that we want to do
is criticize it or make it feel different...
914
00:48:08,001 --> 00:48:10,731
just because it was born
with horrible deformities.
915
00:48:21,281 --> 00:48:24,512
Don't worry. I got rid of 'em.
It was just my neighbors.
916
00:48:24,551 --> 00:48:25,575
- There's a fricking Cyclops...
- No, you got...
917
00:48:25,619 --> 00:48:27,678
...in your basement, man!
... a fucking thing, dude!
918
00:48:27,721 --> 00:48:28,915
You met Cyrus.
919
00:48:28,955 --> 00:48:30,149
- Cyrus.
- You named it?
920
00:48:30,190 --> 00:48:31,418
Our son.
921
00:48:31,458 --> 00:48:34,393
You must have woke him up. He was
supposed to be asleep. I'm sorry.
922
00:48:34,427 --> 00:48:36,019
I thought you were joking...
923
00:48:36,062 --> 00:48:38,587
when you said you had an inbred son
who lives in your basement.
924
00:48:38,632 --> 00:48:40,259
Well, it ain't a joke.
925
00:48:40,300 --> 00:48:43,599
Raylene and I here are siblings,
and we get it on.
926
00:48:43,637 --> 00:48:45,935
But that don't mean
we ought to be judged.
927
00:48:45,972 --> 00:48:48,736
You boys must be awful tired
after what you've been through.
928
00:48:48,775 --> 00:48:50,208
Come with me,
I'll show you to your bed.
929
00:48:50,243 --> 00:48:52,268
You better go back to sleep, boy!
930
00:48:52,312 --> 00:48:55,304
Don't make me come down there
and whip your Cyclops ass!
931
00:48:57,617 --> 00:48:59,278
It's tough love.
932
00:48:59,319 --> 00:49:01,310
It's the best way.
933
00:49:19,105 --> 00:49:22,165
I don't know what I was thinking
dating that douchebag Colton.
934
00:49:22,208 --> 00:49:25,507
He is a douchebag.
What were you thinking?
935
00:49:25,545 --> 00:49:29,242
But it was agony pretending
his puny, little penis satisfied me.
936
00:49:29,282 --> 00:49:33,844
I bet. I bet you've been missing
the thundercock too, haven't you, baby?
937
00:49:33,887 --> 00:49:36,151
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
938
00:49:36,189 --> 00:49:37,816
Yeah, you've been missing it?
939
00:49:37,857 --> 00:49:38,983
How much?
940
00:49:39,025 --> 00:49:41,926
- A lot.
- I bet.
941
00:49:42,929 --> 00:49:44,726
Well...
942
00:49:44,764 --> 00:49:48,393
- I kind of have this fantasy.
- What is it?
943
00:49:48,435 --> 00:49:52,496
I thought it'd be kinda cool
to bring somebody else in bed with us.
944
00:49:53,707 --> 00:49:55,572
Who?
945
00:49:55,608 --> 00:49:57,337
Hey, baby.
946
00:50:04,050 --> 00:50:05,278
- Yeah!
- Yeah?
947
00:50:05,318 --> 00:50:08,116
- Yeah.
- She's hot, right?
948
00:50:08,154 --> 00:50:09,178
Let's do it.
949
00:50:09,222 --> 00:50:11,713
- # There's something #
- # About that woman #
950
00:50:11,758 --> 00:50:15,159
# She's got something
you can't live without #
951
00:50:15,195 --> 00:50:17,959
# Makes your heart sing #
952
00:50:17,997 --> 00:50:19,589
Faster, Weedy.
953
00:50:19,632 --> 00:50:21,691
# Something about that woman #
954
00:50:21,735 --> 00:50:25,193
# If you're in doubt
then you are missing out #
955
00:50:25,238 --> 00:50:27,729
# On a good thing #
956
00:50:28,742 --> 00:50:31,006
# I got to give it up #
957
00:50:31,044 --> 00:50:33,774
Teeth, teeth, Weedy, teeth.
958
00:50:36,216 --> 00:50:37,911
- Weedy!
- Yeah?
959
00:50:37,951 --> 00:50:40,818
- Yeah!
- You like that?
960
00:50:49,329 --> 00:50:51,160
Putting it in the ass now, Weedy.
961
00:50:54,167 --> 00:50:55,191
Yeah, how about that?
962
00:50:55,235 --> 00:50:57,294
# Something about that woman #
963
00:50:57,337 --> 00:51:00,773
# She's got something
you can't live without #
964
00:51:00,807 --> 00:51:02,775
# Makes your heart sing #
965
00:51:04,511 --> 00:51:07,241
# It's just something about that woman #
966
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:10,943
# If you're in doubt
then you are missing out #
967
00:51:10,984 --> 00:51:13,544
# On a good thing #
968
00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:16,083
# I got to give it up #
969
00:51:22,061 --> 00:51:23,323
Wow.
970
00:51:28,334 --> 00:51:29,733
Dude.
971
00:51:30,670 --> 00:51:32,831
I just had the most
fucked-up nightmare.
972
00:51:32,872 --> 00:51:36,933
Come on, man.
I was having a really hot dream.
973
00:51:36,976 --> 00:51:39,638
Go back to bed, please, dude.
974
00:52:11,511 --> 00:52:14,214
Why did we have to leave?
Their Goonles child was kind of cute.
975
00:52:14,249 --> 00:52:16,739
I don't care. It tried to fucking bite me.
976
00:52:16,783 --> 00:52:18,876
Jesus, every time the two of us
try to get anywhere...
977
00:52:18,918 --> 00:52:21,614
it's fucking disaster
after fucking disaster.
978
00:52:21,654 --> 00:52:23,417
Jesus, dude.
Here, you really need a hit of this.
979
00:52:23,456 --> 00:52:26,050
Dude, I don't want a fucking hit!
980
00:52:26,092 --> 00:52:28,390
It's your solution to everything,
you know that?
981
00:52:28,428 --> 00:52:31,397
Think about it.
We should be at Colton's already.
982
00:52:31,431 --> 00:52:34,696
Hey, chill, we still have two days
to fuck up the wedding.
983
00:52:34,734 --> 00:52:36,793
- What?
- What?
984
00:52:37,303 --> 00:52:38,895
- What?
- What?
985
00:52:39,339 --> 00:52:43,673
That's what this is all about, isn't it?
You want to fuck up the wedding.
986
00:52:43,710 --> 00:52:47,043
It's not fucking funny, Kumar.
It's not fucking funny!
987
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:49,573
Colton is the only guy
that can help us out at this point.
988
00:52:49,616 --> 00:52:52,244
I can't believe... I cannot believe
you're willing to fuck that up!
989
00:52:52,285 --> 00:52:54,185
I just hate that fucking asshole, OK?
990
00:52:54,220 --> 00:52:56,984
Yeah? I like him better
than I like you right now.
991
00:52:57,023 --> 00:52:59,218
- Really?
- Yeah.
992
00:52:59,259 --> 00:53:01,250
You know what he got me? A job.
993
00:53:01,294 --> 00:53:05,230
You know what you got me?
Thrown into Guant�namo Bay.
994
00:53:05,265 --> 00:53:06,960
- Your job sucks.
- Admit it.
995
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:09,833
You're jealous because Vanessa
found somebody better than you.
996
00:53:09,869 --> 00:53:11,427
What the fuck
is that supposed to mean?
997
00:53:11,471 --> 00:53:14,065
Better than you! Let me think.
998
00:53:14,107 --> 00:53:17,599
Potential future president,
or unemployed pothead?
999
00:53:17,644 --> 00:53:20,169
Tough. That's tough.
That's a tough one for her, isn't it?
1000
00:53:20,213 --> 00:53:22,511
Yeah, well at least
Vanessa's not in Amsterdam...
1001
00:53:22,549 --> 00:53:24,380
getting plowed
by a bunch of European dudes.
1002
00:53:25,552 --> 00:53:27,019
- What?
- Do you really think Maria's...
1003
00:53:27,053 --> 00:53:28,520
saving herself for you, dude?
1004
00:53:28,555 --> 00:53:30,489
Right now, she's probably got
two uncircumcised dicks...
1005
00:53:30,523 --> 00:53:31,615
dangling in front of her throat.
1006
00:53:31,658 --> 00:53:35,116
You know what she's gonna do with them?
Down 'em into her tonsils?
1007
00:53:39,499 --> 00:53:41,592
Fucking dick.
1008
00:53:44,904 --> 00:53:47,270
- That's my hat.
- That was my hat, bro.
1009
00:53:49,642 --> 00:53:51,303
Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria.
1010
00:53:51,711 --> 00:53:53,201
Asshole!
1011
00:53:53,246 --> 00:53:56,079
Don't you dare say a fucking word
about my angel!
1012
00:53:58,551 --> 00:54:00,382
What the fuck was that?
1013
00:54:00,420 --> 00:54:02,479
Get up. Get up!
1014
00:54:02,522 --> 00:54:04,490
Fuck you.
1015
00:54:13,700 --> 00:54:15,292
Shit.
1016
00:54:18,838 --> 00:54:21,773
Isn't that a KKK bonfire?
1017
00:54:21,808 --> 00:54:22,968
Yeah.
1018
00:54:24,344 --> 00:54:26,244
Yeah, I think it is.
1019
00:54:27,046 --> 00:54:29,241
Maybe we should
get the fuck out of here.
1020
00:54:29,282 --> 00:54:31,307
Yeah. Yeah, dude.
1021
00:54:31,351 --> 00:54:33,683
Let's do that.
1022
00:54:36,656 --> 00:54:39,489
The other day, caught a rerun
of that show Becker.
1023
00:54:39,525 --> 00:54:40,958
You know that show?
1024
00:54:40,994 --> 00:54:44,430
Yeah, that's the one
with that Jew, Ted Danson.
1025
00:54:44,464 --> 00:54:47,900
That blond negro they got on there,
he had me in stitches.
1026
00:54:47,934 --> 00:54:49,492
He's actually pretty funny.
1027
00:54:49,535 --> 00:54:51,765
Really? You think so?
1028
00:54:51,804 --> 00:54:54,602
I'm not saying I wouldn't
lynch the guy, but...
1029
00:54:54,641 --> 00:54:57,439
his timing, it's priceless.
1030
00:54:58,177 --> 00:55:00,475
Hold up a second.
1031
00:55:00,513 --> 00:55:03,175
I gotta go drain the main vein.
1032
00:55:20,166 --> 00:55:22,361
I'll tell ya, Travis...
1033
00:55:22,402 --> 00:55:24,768
when it comes to feeling good...
1034
00:55:24,804 --> 00:55:27,830
I'd rate pissin' right up there
with comin' and shittin'.
1035
00:55:29,876 --> 00:55:31,434
I like to do all three.
1036
00:55:31,477 --> 00:55:32,705
Yeah, I hear ya.
1037
00:55:34,914 --> 00:55:38,008
Kenny, come on, man.
Hurry the fuck up.
1038
00:55:38,951 --> 00:55:42,352
You were the one who made me
drink that third beer.
1039
00:55:42,388 --> 00:55:44,822
Hold your horses, peckerwood.
1040
00:55:45,692 --> 00:55:48,092
Gross! You fucking pissed on me!
1041
00:55:48,127 --> 00:55:50,425
- You racist fuck!
- What the heck?
1042
00:55:57,203 --> 00:55:59,228
What the nigger was that?
1043
00:56:01,274 --> 00:56:03,868
This is fucked. We are fucked.
1044
00:56:03,910 --> 00:56:05,810
Kenny. Travis.
1045
00:56:07,346 --> 00:56:10,008
What in the tarnation you guys doin'?
1046
00:56:10,049 --> 00:56:12,210
Good, you brought the keg.
Lug that thing over.
1047
00:56:12,251 --> 00:56:13,616
- Let's go! Come on!
- Come on!
1048
00:56:13,653 --> 00:56:15,917
Let's go, come on!
1049
00:56:27,233 --> 00:56:29,963
Yeah, then you put little onions on 'em
and you steam 'em, they're awesome.
1050
00:56:30,002 --> 00:56:33,597
Roldy, dude, I'd never thought
I'd say this in a million years...
1051
00:56:33,639 --> 00:56:35,231
but the Klan really knows how to party.
1052
00:56:35,274 --> 00:56:37,105
You gotta try these dogs.
1053
00:56:37,143 --> 00:56:38,132
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
1054
00:56:38,177 --> 00:56:40,873
Really know how to...
the Klan knows how to party?
1055
00:56:40,913 --> 00:56:42,938
- Dude, we've got to get out of here!
- Jeez, all right, dude, relax.
1056
00:56:42,982 --> 00:56:46,440
All right, y'all! Come on over here
and we'll sit around the campfire.
1057
00:56:46,486 --> 00:56:48,954
- Shit, what do we do?
- Let's go sit down.
1058
00:56:48,988 --> 00:56:50,216
Rufus. Next to them marshmallows...
1059
00:56:50,256 --> 00:56:52,486
- and the graham crackers.
- Everybody sit down.
1060
00:56:52,525 --> 00:56:55,050
Best s'mores we've had in a long time...
1061
00:56:55,094 --> 00:56:57,289
that's what I'm talking about,
that's what I'm talking about.
1062
00:56:57,330 --> 00:57:01,061
Now. Now I want
each one of y'all to tell me...
1063
00:57:01,100 --> 00:57:03,728
somethin'... Porch monkey, kike!
1064
00:57:03,770 --> 00:57:06,671
...that you did
to a minority this week. Yeah.
1065
00:57:06,706 --> 00:57:08,799
I tripped a beaner while I was
walking down the stairs...
1066
00:57:08,841 --> 00:57:11,071
at the Wal-Mart the other day.
1067
00:57:12,178 --> 00:57:13,941
Guy crashed into a bunch of wine bottles.
1068
00:57:14,680 --> 00:57:16,807
They made him pay for 'em! Yeah!
1069
00:57:19,552 --> 00:57:21,349
All right, all right, let's all calm down.
1070
00:57:21,387 --> 00:57:24,413
White power here, white power here,
white power here.
1071
00:57:25,391 --> 00:57:27,256
Giving him what he deserves.
1072
00:57:27,293 --> 00:57:28,590
Hebe!
1073
00:57:30,596 --> 00:57:33,087
All right, I'm back. Next.
1074
00:57:33,132 --> 00:57:35,259
It better be good. Here.
1075
00:57:39,405 --> 00:57:41,669
Come on, dude, say something.
1076
00:57:44,076 --> 00:57:45,873
You know what?
1077
00:57:47,547 --> 00:57:49,538
I did knee an Indian guy in the balls.
1078
00:57:49,582 --> 00:57:50,606
That's funny!
1079
00:57:52,285 --> 00:57:54,617
Yeah, send them Indians back to Africa.
1080
00:57:54,687 --> 00:57:58,783
Well, you want to hear something real
fucked-up and awesome that I did?
1081
00:57:58,825 --> 00:58:03,558
I took a Korean guy's toothbrush
and I rubbed it all over my dick.
1082
00:58:03,596 --> 00:58:07,532
- You did that?
- Well, that's just downright disgustin'.
1083
00:58:07,567 --> 00:58:09,330
- But I like it!
- Yeah!
1084
00:58:10,503 --> 00:58:12,801
Yeah, I love bein' white.
1085
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:16,975
- What the...
- Look what we got us here, brothers.
1086
00:58:20,346 --> 00:58:22,541
Mexicans!
1087
00:58:22,582 --> 00:58:25,244
Lynch 'em!
1088
00:58:25,284 --> 00:58:26,546
Come on, come on! Come on!
1089
00:58:29,322 --> 00:58:32,485
Come on, boys, let's chase them
back to the border!
1090
00:58:33,926 --> 00:58:34,915
Pussy fart!
1091
00:58:37,730 --> 00:58:40,164
Holy shit!
1092
00:58:40,199 --> 00:58:42,133
Should we put it out or what?
1093
00:58:44,437 --> 00:58:46,302
Are they still behind us?
1094
00:58:46,339 --> 00:58:49,331
I don't think so.
Dude, the Klan is fucking slow.
1095
00:58:52,078 --> 00:58:54,478
Hey, flag down this car.
1096
00:58:54,513 --> 00:58:57,209
Help! Help! Help!
1097
00:58:58,718 --> 00:59:01,084
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
1098
00:59:02,421 --> 00:59:03,649
# Yeah #
1099
00:59:03,689 --> 00:59:05,156
Thanks for stopping.
1100
00:59:05,191 --> 00:59:06,180
# You better check yo self #
1101
00:59:06,225 --> 00:59:07,487
No problem.
1102
00:59:07,526 --> 00:59:09,255
# 'Cause I'm bad for your health,
I come real stealth #
1103
00:59:09,295 --> 00:59:10,785
Neil?
1104
00:59:10,830 --> 00:59:13,355
Gary and Kumar!
1105
00:59:13,399 --> 00:59:14,457
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1106
00:59:14,500 --> 00:59:15,489
Harold. Harold.
1107
00:59:15,534 --> 00:59:17,024
Sorry, man. I forgot.
1108
00:59:19,238 --> 00:59:21,365
What are you doing here, man?
1109
00:59:21,407 --> 00:59:24,865
This is where God took me.
What are you guys doing out here?
1110
00:59:24,911 --> 00:59:27,402
We're actually trying to get to Texas.
1111
00:59:27,446 --> 00:59:28,811
That's where I'm headed!
1112
00:59:30,349 --> 00:59:31,338
What are the odds?
1113
00:59:32,251 --> 00:59:33,240
Let's get out of here.
1114
00:59:33,286 --> 00:59:34,844
- All right.
- Thank you.
1115
00:59:35,521 --> 00:59:36,510
Shrooms?
1116
00:59:36,555 --> 00:59:38,853
- No. Thanks, though.
- No, thank you.
1117
00:59:38,891 --> 00:59:40,722
Suit yourself.
1118
00:59:45,398 --> 00:59:47,423
Gentlemen, start your engines.
1119
00:59:48,234 --> 00:59:50,566
It's gonna be a bumpy fuckin' ride.
1120
00:59:50,603 --> 00:59:52,503
# 'Cause shotgun bullets
are bad for your health #
1121
00:59:57,410 --> 00:59:59,878
We found their phone.
1122
01:00:00,746 --> 01:00:03,374
Lee and Patel made a phone call to you.
1123
01:00:05,251 --> 01:00:07,446
Now tell us everything you know
about their terrorist plot.
1124
01:00:07,486 --> 01:00:10,512
Terrorist plot? Rold and Kumar?
1125
01:00:10,556 --> 01:00:12,786
This is ridiculous.
1126
01:00:12,825 --> 01:00:15,385
OK, fine. Fine.
1127
01:00:15,428 --> 01:00:17,988
Mr. Rosenberg.
1128
01:00:18,030 --> 01:00:20,863
Mr. Gold-stein.
1129
01:00:21,801 --> 01:00:23,894
We'll do it your way.
1130
01:00:27,740 --> 01:00:30,971
What's this? What do we have here?
1131
01:00:57,870 --> 01:00:59,565
It's about seven dollars?
1132
01:00:59,605 --> 01:01:01,266
Look, don't insult us, all right?
1133
01:01:01,307 --> 01:01:02,774
I don't know
what the hell is going on here...
1134
01:01:02,808 --> 01:01:05,538
but I'm pleading the Fifth
until I speak to my lawyer.
1135
01:01:05,578 --> 01:01:07,842
You're pleading the Fifth, huh?
1136
01:01:08,981 --> 01:01:10,949
Beecher, give me a copy
of the Bill of Rights.
1137
01:01:10,983 --> 01:01:12,507
The Bill of Rights? Why?
1138
01:01:12,551 --> 01:01:14,610
Just do it!
1139
01:01:14,653 --> 01:01:16,587
Excuse me.
1140
01:01:18,824 --> 01:01:19,813
Five, right?
1141
01:01:19,859 --> 01:01:21,156
- Five alive.
- Sure.
1142
01:01:21,193 --> 01:01:23,753
OK. OK. Good.
1143
01:01:26,165 --> 01:01:29,532
You wanna know what I think
about the Fifth Amendment?
1144
01:01:37,043 --> 01:01:38,476
There it is.
1145
01:01:45,151 --> 01:01:47,984
That's what I think
of the Fifth Amendment.
1146
01:01:50,923 --> 01:01:53,619
Why the hell is your ass so dirty?
Don't you wipe?
1147
01:01:53,659 --> 01:01:57,220
Don't ask questions
you don't want the answer to, buddy.
1148
01:01:57,263 --> 01:01:58,252
What do ya got?
1149
01:01:58,297 --> 01:02:01,357
Turns out the FBI was already
tapping Mr. Goldstein's phone.
1150
01:02:01,400 --> 01:02:03,163
- We got what we need.
- Wait a second.
1151
01:02:03,202 --> 01:02:05,534
You were tapping my phone?
1152
01:02:05,571 --> 01:02:06,560
You want to hear the tape?
1153
01:02:06,605 --> 01:02:10,837
No. I'm sick of listening
to this dirt farmer. What's the upshot?
1154
01:02:10,876 --> 01:02:13,344
Lee and Patel are on their way
to Texas as we speak.
1155
01:02:14,380 --> 01:02:15,540
I knew they'd trip up.
1156
01:02:15,581 --> 01:02:19,381
Ready the plane.
These fuckers are goin' down.
1157
01:02:26,425 --> 01:02:30,054
Neil, can you just focus on driving?
You've had... Focus on the road.
1158
01:02:30,096 --> 01:02:32,656
You've had dozens of shrooms,
my friend.
1159
01:02:33,332 --> 01:02:36,426
Dude, I was able to perform
an appendectomy at age 14.
1160
01:02:36,469 --> 01:02:39,632
I think I can handle
a couple mushrooms.
1161
01:02:39,672 --> 01:02:43,199
- Wasn't that just a TV show?
- Jesus Christ!
1162
01:02:43,242 --> 01:02:46,040
Did you see that unicorn?
1163
01:02:46,078 --> 01:02:47,841
Its horn was so shiny.
1164
01:02:48,848 --> 01:02:52,340
So, why are you guys headed to Texas?
1165
01:02:52,384 --> 01:02:55,285
Let's just say
my ex-girlfriend's getting married.
1166
01:02:58,524 --> 01:03:00,492
The one that got away, huh?
1167
01:03:00,526 --> 01:03:02,187
Yep.
1168
01:03:02,228 --> 01:03:04,219
Sounds to me like you need a drink.
1169
01:03:05,064 --> 01:03:07,362
Road. Neil, please,
can you pay attention...
1170
01:03:07,399 --> 01:03:09,333
Dude, I've got it!
1171
01:03:09,368 --> 01:03:12,269
- Yeah, but...
- He's a good driver. Stop.
1172
01:03:12,304 --> 01:03:15,364
Thanks, man. Cheers, dude.
1173
01:03:15,407 --> 01:03:16,533
Really? Drinking?
1174
01:03:23,883 --> 01:03:25,942
I have a lost-love story of my own.
1175
01:03:25,985 --> 01:03:26,974
Yeah?
1176
01:03:27,686 --> 01:03:29,950
Happened on the set of Clara's Heart.
1177
01:03:29,989 --> 01:03:31,479
Sure, sure, yeah.
1178
01:03:31,524 --> 01:03:35,016
I'll never forget her.
Her name was Tashonda.
1179
01:03:35,060 --> 01:03:36,891
She was Whoopi Goldberg's stand-in.
1180
01:03:36,929 --> 01:03:40,922
Her skin was so soft,
her lips were so sweet.
1181
01:03:42,034 --> 01:03:46,937
She had these tiny,
little Hershey Kiss nipples...
1182
01:03:47,706 --> 01:03:50,834
that you just wanted
to suck on all night long.
1183
01:03:51,343 --> 01:03:54,608
Anyway, last day of shooting, I told her.
1184
01:03:54,647 --> 01:03:56,410
I said...
1185
01:03:56,448 --> 01:04:00,179
"T-Bird, we're gonna have to break up. "
1186
01:04:00,219 --> 01:04:01,811
Why did you do that?
1187
01:04:02,788 --> 01:04:05,723
I didn't think I could take on
that kind of responsibility.
1188
01:04:07,326 --> 01:04:10,318
It was such a big mistake.
1189
01:04:10,362 --> 01:04:12,694
Why? I mean, with T-Bird gone...
1190
01:04:12,731 --> 01:04:15,063
couldn't you have sex
with whoever you wanted?
1191
01:04:15,100 --> 01:04:16,294
Let me be clear.
1192
01:04:16,335 --> 01:04:18,200
There is nothing on the planet...
1193
01:04:18,237 --> 01:04:20,535
that I love more than a hot, new pussy.
1194
01:04:20,573 --> 01:04:22,097
- Sure.
- Nothing.
1195
01:04:22,141 --> 01:04:24,234
What does the P.H. Stands for in N.P. H?
1196
01:04:25,511 --> 01:04:26,603
Patrick Harris.
1197
01:04:26,645 --> 01:04:29,273
No, common mistake. Poon handler.
1198
01:04:30,182 --> 01:04:31,843
The point is, boys...
1199
01:04:31,884 --> 01:04:36,480
even though I love havin' sex
with some hot, random trim...
1200
01:04:36,522 --> 01:04:41,482
a day hasn't gone by
where I haven't thought of Tashonda.
1201
01:04:42,361 --> 01:04:47,663
Every time I see a bag of
Hershey's Kisses, my balls get so wet.
1202
01:04:52,738 --> 01:04:54,763
Here's to you, Tashonda.
1203
01:04:55,474 --> 01:04:59,103
- I hope you kept the baby.
- Wow.
1204
01:05:25,070 --> 01:05:28,164
# Free on my own #
1205
01:05:28,207 --> 01:05:31,267
# That's the way I used to be #
1206
01:05:31,310 --> 01:05:32,868
# But since I met you, baby #
1207
01:05:32,911 --> 01:05:35,072
Hey, honey.
What's up?
1208
01:05:35,114 --> 01:05:37,742
I found something in your purse.
1209
01:05:38,617 --> 01:05:40,084
Why would you go through my purse?
1210
01:05:40,119 --> 01:05:41,780
Why would you have a joint...
1211
01:05:41,820 --> 01:05:44,914
when you know
it could ruin my political career?
1212
01:05:44,957 --> 01:05:46,015
I'm sorry.
1213
01:05:46,058 --> 01:05:50,324
What with all the wedding plans,
I've just been a little stressed.
1214
01:05:50,362 --> 01:05:52,296
It helps me relax?
1215
01:05:52,331 --> 01:05:55,789
Marijuana is illegal, Vanessa.
1216
01:05:55,834 --> 01:05:57,665
Now, I thought that part of your life
was in the past.
1217
01:05:57,703 --> 01:06:00,137
- It is.
- Good.
1218
01:06:01,507 --> 01:06:02,599
That's all I need to hear.
1219
01:06:05,244 --> 01:06:08,042
Hey, baby.
1220
01:06:08,080 --> 01:06:11,413
Look, I know things can be hectic
with the wedding.
1221
01:06:11,450 --> 01:06:15,819
But, you know, if you get stressed out,
just do what I do.
1222
01:06:15,854 --> 01:06:17,879
Snort Zoloft, OK?
1223
01:06:25,497 --> 01:06:27,795
What the fuck?
1224
01:06:27,833 --> 01:06:28,822
Shit.
1225
01:06:28,867 --> 01:06:32,325
Dude, they set up a fucking roadblock!
They're gonna find us.
1226
01:06:32,371 --> 01:06:34,168
- What are you talking about?
- Neil...
1227
01:06:34,206 --> 01:06:36,401
I don't know how to say this
any other way, man, but we're fugitives.
1228
01:06:36,442 --> 01:06:38,034
Cool.
1229
01:06:39,378 --> 01:06:41,676
OK, well, we've got to find a way
to get out of this.
1230
01:06:41,714 --> 01:06:43,341
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Please.
1231
01:06:43,382 --> 01:06:47,284
You act like I've never smuggled
a fugitive across state lines before.
1232
01:06:47,319 --> 01:06:49,617
Here. Hide in that.
1233
01:06:49,655 --> 01:06:52,021
Sorry. It's a little sticky.
1234
01:06:54,426 --> 01:06:56,223
Shit.
1235
01:07:01,100 --> 01:07:02,590
Yeah.
1236
01:07:04,803 --> 01:07:06,964
What the... When were you
gonna show me these?
1237
01:07:15,214 --> 01:07:17,148
Excuse me.
1238
01:07:17,916 --> 01:07:19,076
Wait, Officer!
1239
01:07:20,018 --> 01:07:22,452
- Shit.
- Hold that car!
1240
01:07:36,402 --> 01:07:40,338
Neil Patrick Harris.
1241
01:07:41,640 --> 01:07:42,664
Yo.
1242
01:07:44,610 --> 01:07:47,909
It is an honor to meet you, sir.
1243
01:07:47,946 --> 01:07:50,437
Yeah. I would imagine so.
1244
01:07:52,484 --> 01:07:54,418
I'm sure you get this all the time...
1245
01:07:54,453 --> 01:08:01,325
but your part in Starshlp Troopers
truly, truly changed my life.
1246
01:08:01,360 --> 01:08:02,657
Really?
1247
01:08:02,694 --> 01:08:04,491
How?
1248
01:08:04,530 --> 01:08:09,729
Well, no one thought the war against
the arachnids of Klendathu could be won.
1249
01:08:09,768 --> 01:08:11,201
- But you showed the starship troopers...
- Neil!
1250
01:08:11,236 --> 01:08:13,170
...that those bugs could be destroyed.
1251
01:08:14,940 --> 01:08:19,673
A lot of people think the war on terror
is a war that can't be won, right?
1252
01:08:20,979 --> 01:08:23,539
That's why I joined
the Department of Homeland Security.
1253
01:08:23,582 --> 01:08:28,212
My friend, two words.
Starshlp fuckin' Troopers.
1254
01:08:28,253 --> 01:08:32,451
If you want to know the secret of being,
you will come with us.
1255
01:08:33,792 --> 01:08:35,817
Please. I really need to go.
1256
01:08:35,861 --> 01:08:39,729
Yeah, of course. I'm so sorry
to bother you. You move along.
1257
01:08:42,935 --> 01:08:44,903
Bye.
1258
01:08:45,537 --> 01:08:46,902
I love you.
1259
01:08:50,142 --> 01:08:51,973
I love you too, Mr. Patrick Harris.
1260
01:08:53,479 --> 01:08:54,639
What the...
1261
01:09:02,054 --> 01:09:03,817
Holy fucking shit, that was awesome.
1262
01:09:04,823 --> 01:09:06,916
Try having that conversation
on shrooms.
1263
01:09:06,959 --> 01:09:08,824
I deserve an Oscar
for that performance.
1264
01:09:08,861 --> 01:09:09,850
- You do!
- Dudes...
1265
01:09:09,895 --> 01:09:11,760
I'm gonna take a little detour
on the way, all right?
1266
01:09:11,797 --> 01:09:12,786
- No.
- Neil, no.
1267
01:09:12,831 --> 01:09:13,820
But we're almost there, man.
1268
01:09:13,866 --> 01:09:15,993
- No buts. No buts!
- What do you do...
1269
01:09:16,034 --> 01:09:18,969
I'm going to a whorehouse
and I'm gonna get my fuck on.
1270
01:09:19,004 --> 01:09:23,532
If you two don't want to get
your dicks wet, that's fine with me.
1271
01:09:24,243 --> 01:09:26,370
I'll get my dick wet.
1272
01:09:32,451 --> 01:09:36,751
# Don't need nothin' but a good time #
1273
01:09:36,788 --> 01:09:39,416
# How can I resist? #
1274
01:09:39,458 --> 01:09:43,394
# Ain't lookin' for nothin'
but a good time #
1275
01:09:43,428 --> 01:09:47,262
# And it don't get better than this #
1276
01:09:47,766 --> 01:09:51,133
Pussy, I'm home!
1277
01:09:51,169 --> 01:09:52,636
Hello?
1278
01:09:53,438 --> 01:09:58,603
Well, well, well. I thought you'd never
show your face around here again.
1279
01:09:58,644 --> 01:10:01,408
What's the matter, Sally? I thought
I was one of your top customers.
1280
01:10:01,446 --> 01:10:04,540
Have you forgotten what happened
the last time you were here?
1281
01:10:05,350 --> 01:10:07,818
Because of you, my best girl quit.
1282
01:10:07,853 --> 01:10:09,650
Hey, I paid her good money.
1283
01:10:09,688 --> 01:10:11,315
It's not my fault
she didn't lube up.
1284
01:10:11,890 --> 01:10:15,053
Besides, I bring you new customers.
1285
01:10:15,093 --> 01:10:18,221
- New customers?
- No, Neil, that's all.
1286
01:10:18,263 --> 01:10:20,288
Thank you. Thank you.
Appreciate it. Appreciate it.
1287
01:10:20,332 --> 01:10:22,562
Sally. Bring on the lineup.
1288
01:10:25,304 --> 01:10:27,295
Line up in the chutes, girls.
1289
01:10:27,339 --> 01:10:30,172
Longhorns coming through.
1290
01:10:30,208 --> 01:10:31,300
Neil.
1291
01:10:35,247 --> 01:10:38,080
Bigger. Bigger. Bigger. Bigger.
1292
01:10:38,116 --> 01:10:39,981
Hello, ba...
1293
01:10:41,119 --> 01:10:43,883
- What's your name, miss?
- Tits Hemingway.
1294
01:10:43,922 --> 01:10:45,480
How'd you come up with that?
1295
01:10:45,524 --> 01:10:47,458
Well, I have huge tits.
1296
01:10:47,492 --> 01:10:49,892
And my favorite book
is A Moveable Feast.
1297
01:10:49,928 --> 01:10:52,488
I guess that makes sense, yeah.
1298
01:10:52,531 --> 01:10:54,089
Well, I hope you're ready for me, Tits...
1299
01:10:54,132 --> 01:10:56,430
'cause I'm gonna rock out
with my cock out...
1300
01:10:56,468 --> 01:10:58,197
and you're gonna jam out
with your clam out.
1301
01:10:58,236 --> 01:10:59,931
It's gonna be magical.
1302
01:11:00,839 --> 01:11:02,773
- The whores are on me, fellas.
- No, Neil...
1303
01:11:02,808 --> 01:11:04,605
- thank you, but we... that's...
- Thanks, dude.
1304
01:11:04,643 --> 01:11:06,133
Screw that, Roldy.
I don't know about you...
1305
01:11:06,178 --> 01:11:09,545
but, no offense to the rest of you ladies,
I am gonna be taking you two.
1306
01:11:09,748 --> 01:11:12,216
No, Kumar. Kumar!
1307
01:11:12,250 --> 01:11:13,740
Roldy, you're missing out, brother.
1308
01:11:14,653 --> 01:11:16,678
Yo, we need to get back on the road,
buddy.
1309
01:11:16,722 --> 01:11:18,155
We need...
1310
01:11:21,660 --> 01:11:24,595
Well, now, you know, we also supply...
1311
01:11:24,630 --> 01:11:28,259
in-room films or a magazine.
1312
01:11:30,268 --> 01:11:32,896
Well, if you'd like
some self-satisfaction...
1313
01:11:32,938 --> 01:11:35,031
we do have some...
1314
01:11:36,775 --> 01:11:39,141
electronic devices right over there.
1315
01:11:42,581 --> 01:11:45,175
Just have some coffee. Yeah?
1316
01:11:45,217 --> 01:11:48,050
Why don't you lie on the bed?
1317
01:11:48,086 --> 01:11:50,577
And tell us what you want us to do.
1318
01:11:50,622 --> 01:11:52,988
OK. OK.
1319
01:11:54,326 --> 01:11:55,953
Well...
1320
01:11:57,496 --> 01:11:59,327
how about...
1321
01:12:00,332 --> 01:12:02,800
How about you take off your clothes
and make out with each other?
1322
01:12:02,834 --> 01:12:05,234
- We've done that before.
- We can do that.
1323
01:12:05,270 --> 01:12:06,362
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1324
01:12:06,405 --> 01:12:08,168
# Pussy real good #
1325
01:12:08,206 --> 01:12:09,867
- # That pussy #
- # Pussy real good #
1326
01:12:09,908 --> 01:12:12,240
- # That pussy #
- # That pussy off the chain #
1327
01:12:12,277 --> 01:12:14,438
- # That pussy #
- # Go on and do yo thang #
1328
01:12:14,479 --> 01:12:16,811
- # That pussy #
- # Pussy real good #
1329
01:12:16,848 --> 01:12:18,907
- # That pussy #
- # That pussy real good #
1330
01:12:18,950 --> 01:12:20,884
# That pussy #
1331
01:12:20,919 --> 01:12:22,716
# Yo' mama don't like #
1332
01:12:23,455 --> 01:12:25,389
# She say I'm no good #
1333
01:12:25,424 --> 01:12:27,358
# What she don't know is #
1334
01:12:27,392 --> 01:12:29,724
# I got you pussy-whooped #
1335
01:12:29,761 --> 01:12:32,025
# He need this pussy #
1336
01:12:32,064 --> 01:12:34,328
# He smell this pussy #
1337
01:12:34,366 --> 01:12:36,459
# He wanna taste this pussy #
1338
01:12:36,501 --> 01:12:38,901
# He gotta pay for pussy #
1339
01:12:38,937 --> 01:12:40,734
Can you use tongue?
1340
01:12:40,772 --> 01:12:43,002
# That pussy, pussy #
1341
01:12:43,041 --> 01:12:44,702
# Pussy, pussy #
1342
01:12:46,311 --> 01:12:48,040
Bump your titty on her titty.
1343
01:12:48,080 --> 01:12:49,513
# Police pull me over #
1344
01:12:49,548 --> 01:12:51,539
# They don't write no tickets #
1345
01:12:52,651 --> 01:12:54,551
Boner achieved!
1346
01:12:55,587 --> 01:12:59,114
Great. Now let's get those pants off.
1347
01:12:59,157 --> 01:13:00,488
OK.
1348
01:13:01,026 --> 01:13:04,291
- You are benevolent human beings.
- Yeah, I know.
1349
01:13:04,329 --> 01:13:05,694
- Yeah?
- We get that a lot.
1350
01:13:05,797 --> 01:13:07,560
Yeah. You know what that means,
benevolent?
1351
01:13:07,599 --> 01:13:09,191
Yeah, I do, actually.
1352
01:13:09,234 --> 01:13:10,496
What?
1353
01:13:10,535 --> 01:13:12,696
It means we're gonna fuck you so hard...
1354
01:13:12,738 --> 01:13:15,104
your dick's gonna be sore for two weeks.
1355
01:13:15,140 --> 01:13:18,268
That is exactly, exactly what it means.
1356
01:13:19,344 --> 01:13:22,245
You know what bothers me
the most, though?
1357
01:13:22,280 --> 01:13:25,408
He never once apologized
for getting me into all this trouble.
1358
01:13:25,450 --> 01:13:30,444
I mean, I'm supposed to be with my
Maria right now in Amsterdam, OK?
1359
01:13:30,489 --> 01:13:33,925
But it's cool.
He doesn't know how to say "I'm sorry. "
1360
01:13:34,359 --> 01:13:36,156
Why do you think that is?
1361
01:13:36,194 --> 01:13:40,631
Sparkle, because it's all about
what he wants. It's about him, him, him.
1362
01:13:40,665 --> 01:13:43,862
You know. I don't even care
because... You know...
1363
01:13:43,902 --> 01:13:46,666
if he can't be a good friend to me,
I'm not gonna be a good friend to him.
1364
01:13:46,705 --> 01:13:48,866
- It's done.
- Don't say that.
1365
01:13:49,307 --> 01:13:51,275
A good friend is hard to come by.
1366
01:13:51,309 --> 01:13:52,742
Venus, come on.
1367
01:13:52,778 --> 01:13:56,009
Yeah, but if he was a real friend,
he would know how to say, "I'm sorry. "
1368
01:13:56,081 --> 01:13:57,412
That's right.
1369
01:13:57,449 --> 01:13:59,440
Thank you, Agnes.
1370
01:14:00,352 --> 01:14:01,341
Nail on the head.
1371
01:14:02,220 --> 01:14:03,312
It's like right now...
1372
01:14:03,355 --> 01:14:08,292
after all the shit that we have
been through in the last few days...
1373
01:14:08,326 --> 01:14:13,525
you know, he's in there having
the time of his life, having sex.
1374
01:14:16,935 --> 01:14:19,426
I never should have left her.
1375
01:14:20,005 --> 01:14:21,666
I don't even know...
1376
01:14:21,706 --> 01:14:24,106
I don't even know what I was thinking.
1377
01:14:24,142 --> 01:14:26,975
I loved her so much.
1378
01:14:27,012 --> 01:14:29,207
She was my little baby.
1379
01:14:29,247 --> 01:14:31,112
She was my little baby.
1380
01:14:31,149 --> 01:14:32,309
Why did I let my little baby go?
1381
01:14:32,350 --> 01:14:34,614
Why did I let her go?
1382
01:14:34,653 --> 01:14:36,553
You'll find someone else.
1383
01:14:36,588 --> 01:14:38,283
No, I won't. Not like Vanessa.
1384
01:14:38,323 --> 01:14:40,723
You'll find love again someday.
1385
01:14:40,759 --> 01:14:42,989
Yeah, you will.
1386
01:14:43,595 --> 01:14:45,893
Did you guys?
1387
01:14:47,465 --> 01:14:49,865
No, we're whores.
1388
01:14:49,901 --> 01:14:52,199
- Remember?
- Yeah.
1389
01:14:58,710 --> 01:15:00,041
Oh, my God. Are you OK?
1390
01:15:00,078 --> 01:15:01,875
What the hell is going on here?
1391
01:15:01,913 --> 01:15:04,814
That prick fucking branded me!
1392
01:15:05,717 --> 01:15:07,241
- Stop it.
- I warned you, Neil.
1393
01:15:07,285 --> 01:15:09,719
Bring it.
1394
01:15:09,754 --> 01:15:12,086
- Neil! Neil!
- Time to put your dick in the dirt.
1395
01:15:12,123 --> 01:15:14,523
- What... Neil! What are you doing?
- Come on. Come on. Come on.
1396
01:15:14,559 --> 01:15:15,548
- But...
- No, Neil.
1397
01:15:15,594 --> 01:15:17,061
Neil!
1398
01:15:17,963 --> 01:15:20,397
- What about Neil, man?
- No, fuck Neil. He just fucked us.
1399
01:15:20,432 --> 01:15:22,957
- Neil! Neil!
- Come on, come on, come on!
1400
01:15:23,001 --> 01:15:24,662
- Come on! Come on! Come on!
- Neil!
1401
01:15:24,703 --> 01:15:26,170
Come on!
1402
01:15:27,539 --> 01:15:29,063
- N.P. H!
- No!
1403
01:15:30,876 --> 01:15:32,104
Stop! Stop!
1404
01:15:33,278 --> 01:15:34,973
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
We've got to get Neil.
1405
01:15:35,013 --> 01:15:36,674
- Why?
- Look, we're stealing his car!
1406
01:15:36,715 --> 01:15:39,582
- We can't leave him back there.
- He stole your fucking car last week!
1407
01:15:40,585 --> 01:15:42,246
What was that?
1408
01:15:42,921 --> 01:15:43,910
- Hurry up.
- Neil!
1409
01:15:43,955 --> 01:15:45,718
- Hurry up. Come on, man.
- Guys.
1410
01:15:45,757 --> 01:15:47,691
- All right. Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.
- Neil, Neil, come on! Come on, man!
1411
01:15:47,726 --> 01:15:49,557
- Guys!
- Hurry up! Hurry up!
1412
01:15:49,594 --> 01:15:51,061
It's not even funny.
Hurry up, dude, hurry up.
1413
01:15:51,096 --> 01:15:52,893
You can make it, dude.
1414
01:15:52,931 --> 01:15:56,389
Oh, my God! Holy shit!
1415
01:15:57,302 --> 01:16:00,271
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Jesus Christ!
1416
01:16:00,305 --> 01:16:02,500
- Neil's dead! Neil's dead!
- No!
1417
01:16:03,174 --> 01:16:07,110
- Oh, my God!
- Get the fuck out of here! Go! Go!
1418
01:16:09,414 --> 01:16:15,876
# How do I say goodbye #
1419
01:16:15,921 --> 01:16:17,650
It's the dawn of a new day.
1420
01:16:20,492 --> 01:16:22,585
And Neil Patrick Harris
isn't around to see it, man.
1421
01:16:22,627 --> 01:16:23,616
Dude, I told you.
1422
01:16:23,662 --> 01:16:25,152
Will you please stop saying that?
1423
01:16:26,231 --> 01:16:27,721
God.
1424
01:16:27,766 --> 01:16:30,234
He's gone.
1425
01:16:30,902 --> 01:16:33,894
Maybe he's got
some family contact info in here.
1426
01:16:33,939 --> 01:16:36,134
Dude, I know
I'm not calling Neil's parents.
1427
01:16:36,975 --> 01:16:39,000
What's in the bag?
1428
01:16:39,044 --> 01:16:41,569
- Holy fuck.
- Creepy mask.
1429
01:16:42,514 --> 01:16:45,108
A jar with hair in it.
1430
01:16:47,585 --> 01:16:50,645
And, like, 12 cans of Mace.
1431
01:16:53,325 --> 01:16:56,158
- Look, dude.
- Holy shit.
1432
01:16:56,194 --> 01:16:58,560
Holy shit, we actually made it.
1433
01:17:05,370 --> 01:17:07,600
This is where Colton grew up, huh?
1434
01:17:07,639 --> 01:17:09,937
Smell that? That smells like douche.
1435
01:17:16,181 --> 01:17:19,116
No, you will remain in this car.
1436
01:17:19,150 --> 01:17:22,381
I will go inside alone and, if we're lucky,
Colton will help us out.
1437
01:17:22,420 --> 01:17:26,322
- Why can't I just...
- No. Let me put it another way.
1438
01:17:26,358 --> 01:17:30,089
You leave this car,
and our friendship is over.
1439
01:17:30,128 --> 01:17:32,596
- But, Roldy, I just...
- Kumar.
1440
01:17:32,630 --> 01:17:35,622
Open the door
and I will cut your fucking balls off.
1441
01:17:35,667 --> 01:17:36,793
Jesus. OK.
1442
01:17:40,538 --> 01:17:42,529
- Balls.
- Go.
1443
01:17:54,319 --> 01:17:56,844
Hi, I'm a friend of Colton's.
1444
01:17:56,888 --> 01:17:58,412
Thank you.
1445
01:18:41,599 --> 01:18:42,896
God damn it.
1446
01:18:42,934 --> 01:18:45,232
Vanessa? You OK?
1447
01:18:45,270 --> 01:18:48,603
- Kumar? What are you doing here?
- Yeah, let me help you up.
1448
01:18:52,444 --> 01:18:54,241
I thought you were going to Amsterdam.
1449
01:18:54,279 --> 01:18:56,941
Yeah, me too. It didn't work out.
1450
01:18:57,949 --> 01:18:59,211
You all right?
1451
01:18:59,250 --> 01:19:01,810
- Now, does this hurt when I touch it?
- Yeah.
1452
01:19:01,853 --> 01:19:03,445
- It does?
- Yeah.
1453
01:19:03,488 --> 01:19:07,390
This is just what I need.
A limp during the wedding.
1454
01:19:07,425 --> 01:19:09,620
Can you move it around in a circle?
1455
01:19:10,628 --> 01:19:13,825
OK, that's what I figured. It's just your
ATFL. I don't think you tore it, though.
1456
01:19:13,865 --> 01:19:17,426
So a little ice and massage
should do the trick. You'll be fine.
1457
01:19:17,469 --> 01:19:19,596
Are you gonna tell me why you're here?
1458
01:19:19,637 --> 01:19:21,628
Roldy and I ran into some trouble...
1459
01:19:21,673 --> 01:19:25,609
and we figured that maybe
your Colton could help us out.
1460
01:19:25,643 --> 01:19:28,806
- Still getting into trouble, huh?
- A little bit.
1461
01:19:28,847 --> 01:19:31,839
You remember that time that
you broke into the animal lab...
1462
01:19:31,883 --> 01:19:34,909
and, like, stole that monkey and put it
in Andy Rosenberg's dorm room?
1463
01:19:34,953 --> 01:19:36,648
OK, first of all,
that was Goldstein's idea...
1464
01:19:36,688 --> 01:19:37,677
and second of all...
1465
01:19:37,722 --> 01:19:40,418
had I known that the monkey had AIDS,
I never would have done that.
1466
01:19:40,458 --> 01:19:41,447
What about you?
1467
01:19:41,493 --> 01:19:44,929
You put those disgusting used tampons
in Professor Konop's purse.
1468
01:19:44,963 --> 01:19:46,521
- Remember that?
- Come on.
1469
01:19:46,564 --> 01:19:47,963
She was a bitch and you know it.
1470
01:19:51,803 --> 01:19:54,135
What's going on here?
1471
01:19:54,172 --> 01:19:57,164
Hey, she actually fell
and broke her heel here.
1472
01:19:57,208 --> 01:20:01,440
Yeah, I twisted my ankle.
Kumar was just looking at it.
1473
01:20:01,479 --> 01:20:03,538
- Why aren't you in the car, Kumar?
- Dude, I heard her yell.
1474
01:20:03,581 --> 01:20:05,173
I thought I told you
to stay in the car, man.
1475
01:20:05,850 --> 01:20:07,147
It's OK, man.
1476
01:20:07,185 --> 01:20:08,675
No worries.
1477
01:20:08,720 --> 01:20:11,314
Listen, Roldy filled me in
on the situation.
1478
01:20:11,356 --> 01:20:14,120
But don't worry. I'll make sure
my dad takes care of everything.
1479
01:20:15,293 --> 01:20:16,282
Thanks, man.
1480
01:20:16,327 --> 01:20:19,319
In the meantime,
you are going to the doctor.
1481
01:20:19,364 --> 01:20:21,491
Ram�n!
1482
01:20:21,533 --> 01:20:25,867
Ram�n. Please bring Vanessa
to Dr. Harris immediately.
1483
01:20:27,272 --> 01:20:30,332
Bye, Vanessa. Hope you feel better.
1484
01:20:31,509 --> 01:20:34,910
- Bye.
- Bye.
1485
01:20:37,115 --> 01:20:39,083
Guys.
1486
01:20:39,117 --> 01:20:40,550
All right.
1487
01:20:42,353 --> 01:20:45,845
All right, guys. Jet's all fueled.
You should be home in no time.
1488
01:20:45,890 --> 01:20:47,289
Sweet.
1489
01:20:53,631 --> 01:20:55,861
Hey, Colton, I can't believe
you're doing this for us...
1490
01:20:55,900 --> 01:20:56,958
on the night before your wedding day.
1491
01:20:57,001 --> 01:21:00,630
- I really appreciate it. Thank you.
- Please don't mention it.
1492
01:21:00,672 --> 01:21:03,539
Just want to make sure
everything works out smoothly.
1493
01:21:03,575 --> 01:21:05,202
Are all these planes yours?
1494
01:21:05,243 --> 01:21:07,541
No. OK.
1495
01:21:07,579 --> 01:21:09,171
Rold, come on, of course they are.
1496
01:21:11,616 --> 01:21:12,708
This guy's funny. You're funny.
1497
01:21:12,750 --> 01:21:14,911
- Yeah?
- Hey, Colton, man.
1498
01:21:15,620 --> 01:21:19,215
Listen, I was wrong about you, dude.
You're not a douchebag.
1499
01:21:19,257 --> 01:21:20,417
Dude.
1500
01:21:20,458 --> 01:21:22,085
You know what I mean.
I mean, you're a good dude.
1501
01:21:22,126 --> 01:21:24,287
And I'm happy for you and Vanessa.
1502
01:21:27,065 --> 01:21:28,862
That's big of you, Kumar.
1503
01:21:28,900 --> 01:21:30,765
- I really appreciate it.
- Sure.
1504
01:21:30,802 --> 01:21:32,963
I just can't wait to get back, man.
1505
01:21:35,340 --> 01:21:37,638
You're going back all right.
1506
01:21:38,343 --> 01:21:40,538
This time you're not escaping.
1507
01:21:40,578 --> 01:21:42,239
Now!
1508
01:21:42,280 --> 01:21:43,747
Go! Move, move, move!
1509
01:21:49,821 --> 01:21:50,879
You are a douchebag...
1510
01:21:50,922 --> 01:21:53,288
- No.
... you fucking douchebag, fuck you!
1511
01:21:53,324 --> 01:21:56,157
Yeah. The last thing I was letting
you guys do is ruin my wedding.
1512
01:21:56,194 --> 01:21:58,924
- You did this?
- Of course he did this.
1513
01:21:58,963 --> 01:22:01,397
I thought we were friends, man.
How could you betray me like this?
1514
01:22:01,432 --> 01:22:03,423
Come on, Rold. You and me?
1515
01:22:03,468 --> 01:22:05,493
You let me cheat off you
in Advanced Accounting.
1516
01:22:05,536 --> 01:22:07,231
Other than that,
I could give a shit about you.
1517
01:22:07,272 --> 01:22:08,671
Take 'em away, guys.
1518
01:22:09,173 --> 01:22:11,607
When we get out of this I'm gonna
fucking kick your fucking ass, man!
1519
01:22:11,643 --> 01:22:13,304
Boy, you're scaring me.
1520
01:22:13,344 --> 01:22:15,539
Well, come on, you're not
one of those kung-fu Asians...
1521
01:22:15,580 --> 01:22:17,946
you're a fucking pussy banker,
for Christ's sakes.
1522
01:22:17,982 --> 01:22:20,075
- Fuck you! Fuck you!
- I'm gonna rip you up, bitch!
1523
01:22:20,118 --> 01:22:22,746
- You'd best watch your back, bitch!
- Fuck you, dude!
1524
01:22:22,787 --> 01:22:24,982
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
1525
01:22:25,923 --> 01:22:28,084
I'm awesome.
1526
01:22:33,097 --> 01:22:35,998
Looks like you boys picked
the wrong side, huh?
1527
01:22:36,034 --> 01:22:38,468
Where's your Koran now?
1528
01:22:39,237 --> 01:22:41,068
We're not even Muslim, you moron...
1529
01:22:41,105 --> 01:22:44,336
and even if we were,
that doesn't make us terrorists.
1530
01:22:44,575 --> 01:22:46,975
Hey! I'm talking to you.
Get back here!
1531
01:22:47,011 --> 01:22:51,107
# Metal under tension
beggin' you to touch and go #
1532
01:22:52,617 --> 01:22:55,017
# Highway to #
1533
01:22:56,387 --> 01:22:58,947
Man. I can't believe we're going back.
1534
01:22:58,990 --> 01:23:01,117
Now do you see
why I hate Colton Graham?
1535
01:23:01,159 --> 01:23:03,787
Now do you see why I hate you?
1536
01:23:04,762 --> 01:23:07,253
I asked you specifically
to stay in the car.
1537
01:23:07,298 --> 01:23:09,960
I told you our friendship was at stake.
1538
01:23:10,001 --> 01:23:11,525
Vanessa fell down.
And I was helping her.
1539
01:23:11,569 --> 01:23:13,594
- I don't want to hear the excuses!
- It's not an excuse!
1540
01:23:13,638 --> 01:23:14,866
I don't want to hear the excuses!
1541
01:23:14,906 --> 01:23:16,669
- I heard her yelling!
- I don't want to hear it.
1542
01:23:23,081 --> 01:23:24,844
I'm sorry.
1543
01:23:25,683 --> 01:23:26,980
'Kay?
1544
01:23:28,052 --> 01:23:29,485
Look at this. Look at this.
1545
01:23:30,521 --> 01:23:32,648
I fucked up, OK?
1546
01:23:32,690 --> 01:23:36,456
I fucked up and I always fuck up.
I am a fuck-up.
1547
01:23:36,494 --> 01:23:37,859
You think?
1548
01:23:38,863 --> 01:23:40,353
Harold...
1549
01:23:41,366 --> 01:23:42,663
you're my best friend, dude.
1550
01:23:44,035 --> 01:23:46,367
You mean the world to me, man.
I love you.
1551
01:23:46,404 --> 01:23:47,393
Queers.
1552
01:23:47,438 --> 01:23:48,462
And I promise you, if we figure out...
1553
01:23:48,506 --> 01:23:50,770
a way to get out of this,
I'm gonna change, OK?
1554
01:23:50,808 --> 01:23:52,742
It's not just gonna be
about Kumar all the time.
1555
01:23:52,777 --> 01:23:55,575
It'll be about Kumar and Harold.
1556
01:23:58,383 --> 01:23:59,975
Harold and Kumar.
1557
01:24:01,753 --> 01:24:03,050
I kind of like the first way better.
1558
01:24:03,087 --> 01:24:05,453
OK, OK. Harold and Kumar.
1559
01:24:05,490 --> 01:24:07,014
Harold and Kumar.
1560
01:24:10,294 --> 01:24:12,854
# The hotter the intensity #
1561
01:24:14,165 --> 01:24:15,894
It's not all your fault.
1562
01:24:16,901 --> 01:24:19,893
Yeah, it is. I brought weed on the plane.
1563
01:24:19,937 --> 01:24:23,065
- You got weed?
- No. The other plane.
1564
01:24:25,910 --> 01:24:30,108
No, I wish Neil Patrick Harris
were still alive, that guy fucking loves him.
1565
01:24:30,148 --> 01:24:32,912
He totally would have
been able to bail us out.
1566
01:24:34,252 --> 01:24:35,651
You just gave me an idea, man.
1567
01:24:36,888 --> 01:24:38,287
- What?
- I got this.
1568
01:24:40,224 --> 01:24:42,021
Hey, Burl...
1569
01:24:42,059 --> 01:24:45,085
- I actually still have some weed.
- You do?
1570
01:24:45,129 --> 01:24:47,757
- Seriously?
- Yeah. It's in my pants.
1571
01:24:47,799 --> 01:24:49,824
- Hold up.
- You want to smoke now?
1572
01:24:49,867 --> 01:24:51,027
Just let me...
1573
01:24:51,068 --> 01:24:52,296
- Harold, this is definitely not...
... get it.
1574
01:24:52,336 --> 01:24:53,325
...the time to smoke.
1575
01:24:56,541 --> 01:25:01,410
# Highway to the danger zone #
1576
01:25:02,146 --> 01:25:06,606
# Gonna take you
right into the danger zone #
1577
01:25:09,220 --> 01:25:14,749
# Highway to the danger zone #
1578
01:25:16,527 --> 01:25:18,358
Dude, you took Neil's Mace?
1579
01:25:18,396 --> 01:25:20,762
Been through a lot of shit,
figured we might need it.
1580
01:25:20,798 --> 01:25:21,787
Well, good call.
1581
01:25:25,837 --> 01:25:28,271
Derek, can I get another water?
1582
01:25:28,306 --> 01:25:30,433
What the fuck?
1583
01:25:32,343 --> 01:25:34,243
- Keep your hands up.
- Please don't shoot us.
1584
01:25:34,278 --> 01:25:36,508
- Jesus Christ. OK, OK.
- Please don't shoot.
1585
01:25:36,547 --> 01:25:40,643
It will be a cold day in hell
before I let you hijack this plane.
1586
01:25:44,555 --> 01:25:46,523
Beecher, what are you doing?
1587
01:25:46,557 --> 01:25:49,151
Whose side are you on? I thought
I told you to stay in the cockpit!
1588
01:25:49,193 --> 01:25:51,991
Enough, Fox!
I've had enough of your crap!
1589
01:25:52,029 --> 01:25:53,553
You think that just because I'm smart...
1590
01:25:53,598 --> 01:25:57,034
you can treat me
like some dork in gym class?
1591
01:25:57,068 --> 01:26:00,868
It's obvious these kids are innocent.
But you're too dumb to realize that.
1592
01:26:00,905 --> 01:26:03,669
You know, it's people like you...
1593
01:26:03,708 --> 01:26:05,972
who make the world think
that Americans are stupid!
1594
01:26:06,010 --> 01:26:10,538
Well, we're not stupid! And we're not
gonna take this shit anymore!
1595
01:26:12,683 --> 01:26:14,708
It's OK, guys.
1596
01:26:14,752 --> 01:26:16,151
It's all over now.
1597
01:26:16,954 --> 01:26:19,047
Everything's gonna be all right.
1598
01:26:23,861 --> 01:26:25,123
Jesus!
1599
01:26:30,101 --> 01:26:31,500
Fuck!
1600
01:26:32,570 --> 01:26:34,504
I don't wanna die!
1601
01:26:34,539 --> 01:26:35,733
Kumar!
1602
01:26:35,773 --> 01:26:38,401
- What?
- I have the parachute!
1603
01:26:38,442 --> 01:26:39,773
Come over here.
1604
01:26:39,810 --> 01:26:42,540
How the fuck am I supposed to do that?
1605
01:26:42,580 --> 01:26:44,070
Swim!
1606
01:26:51,489 --> 01:26:52,956
Holy shit.
1607
01:26:52,990 --> 01:26:55,083
It's fucking working!
1608
01:26:59,764 --> 01:27:01,732
Yeah!
1609
01:27:03,067 --> 01:27:04,932
I love you, dude.
1610
01:27:09,006 --> 01:27:10,769
Shit!
1611
01:27:12,443 --> 01:27:14,877
Don't worry about him. I have an idea.
1612
01:27:14,912 --> 01:27:17,210
- What?
- Hang on.
1613
01:27:22,753 --> 01:27:24,721
Fuck you!
1614
01:27:28,659 --> 01:27:31,457
Man, that was so fuckin' extreme.
1615
01:27:32,863 --> 01:27:35,058
It was.
1616
01:27:37,501 --> 01:27:39,196
- Kumar?
- Yeah.
1617
01:27:41,606 --> 01:27:43,403
Our dicks are touching, aren't they?
1618
01:27:44,909 --> 01:27:47,070
Yeah, I guess they are.
1619
01:27:47,111 --> 01:27:49,409
- Yeah.
- OK, I was just checking.
1620
01:27:50,548 --> 01:27:54,484
Roldy, can you move us out of the way?
There's a house coming up down here.
1621
01:27:55,620 --> 01:27:58,316
I have no idea what I'm doing.
1622
01:28:05,630 --> 01:28:06,790
Dude!
1623
01:28:09,567 --> 01:28:13,401
The glass hurt my dick.
The glass hurt my dick.
1624
01:28:15,473 --> 01:28:17,441
I think I'm OK. Yeah.
1625
01:28:18,509 --> 01:28:20,841
- Dude. Dude.
- Oh, my God.
1626
01:28:20,878 --> 01:28:23,642
- No, shit, dude. You all right?
- Fuck! I think so!
1627
01:28:23,681 --> 01:28:25,945
We gotta get out of here before
the people who live here find us.
1628
01:28:25,983 --> 01:28:27,610
I know. They're gonna be...
1629
01:28:29,220 --> 01:28:31,313
Dude? Dude?
1630
01:28:31,355 --> 01:28:32,686
What's up?
1631
01:28:37,728 --> 01:28:39,855
- No.
- Holy shit!
1632
01:28:39,897 --> 01:28:42,832
What the hell are y'all
doing in my office?
1633
01:28:44,068 --> 01:28:46,593
You'd better start giving me
some answers!
1634
01:28:46,637 --> 01:28:48,764
George?
We're gonna be late for that wedding.
1635
01:28:48,806 --> 01:28:52,173
Shit. It's Cheney. Come on, you guys.
Keep quiet. Follow me.
1636
01:28:52,209 --> 01:28:55,542
That guy scares the crap out of me.
Let's go hide in the guesthouse.
1637
01:28:55,579 --> 01:28:58,343
- Come the fuck on.
- I'm coming.
1638
01:29:15,666 --> 01:29:17,566
# Yeah #
1639
01:29:18,736 --> 01:29:21,796
- This is a cool room.
- Yeah.
1640
01:29:21,839 --> 01:29:25,570
Yeah, this is where
I come to escape from work.
1641
01:29:25,609 --> 01:29:28,271
- Here?
- Yes, sir.
1642
01:29:29,747 --> 01:29:32,841
- So who the heck are you guys?
- All right.
1643
01:29:32,883 --> 01:29:34,578
My name is Harold Lee, sir...
1644
01:29:34,618 --> 01:29:36,210
and this is Kumar Patel.
1645
01:29:38,022 --> 01:29:42,220
Anyway, we were on a parachute
and we sort of landed on your ranch.
1646
01:29:42,259 --> 01:29:43,920
Dude, this is weed.
1647
01:29:44,829 --> 01:29:46,490
That's Alabama Kush.
1648
01:29:46,530 --> 01:29:47,792
That's only the finest.
1649
01:29:47,832 --> 01:29:50,528
So you get high and then you put
other people who smoke weed in jail?
1650
01:29:51,769 --> 01:29:53,066
- That's so hypocritical.
- Dude, look...
1651
01:29:53,104 --> 01:29:55,971
Yeah? Well, let me ask you
something, Kumar.
1652
01:29:56,006 --> 01:29:58,566
- You like giving hand jobs?
- No, sir.
1653
01:29:58,609 --> 01:30:01,305
- You like getting hand jobs?
- Yeah.
1654
01:30:01,345 --> 01:30:04,439
All right. Well, that makes you
a fucking hypocriticizer too.
1655
01:30:04,482 --> 01:30:07,815
So shut the fuck up
and smoke my weed.
1656
01:30:24,869 --> 01:30:25,858
Hey, love.
1657
01:30:25,903 --> 01:30:30,340
What are you doing here? It's bad luck.
The ceremony starts in a hour.
1658
01:30:30,374 --> 01:30:32,171
I just want to let you know...
1659
01:30:32,209 --> 01:30:34,302
I had catering get an extra case
of Coors Light...
1660
01:30:34,345 --> 01:30:35,334
in case the President comes.
1661
01:30:35,379 --> 01:30:36,710
It's his favorite beer.
1662
01:30:36,747 --> 01:30:39,682
- Do you think that'll be enough?
- I don't know. Yes?
1663
01:30:39,717 --> 01:30:41,446
Who cares?
1664
01:30:42,419 --> 01:30:46,480
Look, were you able to work
everything out with Kumar and Harold?
1665
01:30:46,524 --> 01:30:49,857
Don't worry, Chestnut.
I took complete care of 'em.
1666
01:30:58,135 --> 01:31:00,797
They thought you guys were terrorizers.
1667
01:31:01,372 --> 01:31:05,069
Wait. That's not funny, man.
They sent us to Guant�namo Bay.
1668
01:31:05,109 --> 01:31:07,839
Fuck! G. Bay?
1669
01:31:08,546 --> 01:31:10,605
Tell me you didn't eat
that cockmeat sandwich.
1670
01:31:11,849 --> 01:31:16,081
No. No, we did not eat the cockmeat
sandwich. We escaped, thank God.
1671
01:31:16,120 --> 01:31:19,521
That cockmeat sandwich.
That's my favorite.
1672
01:31:19,557 --> 01:31:20,751
Oh, my God.
1673
01:31:22,326 --> 01:31:24,988
- This is good shit.
- I know. I know.
1674
01:31:25,029 --> 01:31:26,997
- I laced it with blow.
- Fuck.
1675
01:31:27,031 --> 01:31:29,829
So it knocks you out, and it keeps you
going at the same time.
1676
01:31:31,368 --> 01:31:34,667
If you like weed so much,
why don't you just legalize it?
1677
01:31:34,705 --> 01:31:36,866
Are you fucking kidding me?
1678
01:31:36,907 --> 01:31:39,933
You know how pissed off
my dad would get if I did that?
1679
01:31:39,977 --> 01:31:42,241
Holy shit, dude.
1680
01:31:42,279 --> 01:31:44,577
My dad's all up in my shit too,
about this whole...
1681
01:31:44,615 --> 01:31:45,604
- med school thing, right?
- I know.
1682
01:31:45,649 --> 01:31:47,913
And it's not that I don't
want to be a doctor, but like...
1683
01:31:48,385 --> 01:31:51,513
fucking... sometimes I wonder
if he's just encouraging me...
1684
01:31:51,555 --> 01:31:53,045
because he knows it'll make me happy...
1685
01:31:53,090 --> 01:31:57,049
or because he wants me
to carry on his legacy, you know?
1686
01:31:58,128 --> 01:32:00,187
You just blew my fuckin' mind.
1687
01:32:11,342 --> 01:32:13,936
- Hi.
- Hi. You look good.
1688
01:32:13,978 --> 01:32:15,969
Daddy.
1689
01:32:16,013 --> 01:32:17,640
Yeah, it's W.
1690
01:32:19,516 --> 01:32:21,950
I don't need your friends
to tell me what to do anymore.
1691
01:32:23,621 --> 01:32:26,283
- No, I'm not being disrespectful.
- That's what I say.
1692
01:32:26,323 --> 01:32:29,258
I'm just saying that
I can handle my own shit, all right?
1693
01:32:29,293 --> 01:32:32,228
I mean, I don't need them to tell me
how to do what I have to do.
1694
01:32:32,263 --> 01:32:34,128
Yeah, dude!
1695
01:32:34,164 --> 01:32:36,962
Yeah, well you know what?
Yeah, well, fuck you, Dad.
1696
01:32:37,001 --> 01:32:39,094
Fuck you!
1697
01:32:41,839 --> 01:32:44,137
- Dude, that was awesome.
- You guys are awesome.
1698
01:32:44,174 --> 01:32:45,163
- No. No.
- You're awesome!
1699
01:32:45,209 --> 01:32:47,837
- You are awesomer.
- Sir, you are awesome.
1700
01:32:47,878 --> 01:32:49,345
Seriously.
1701
01:32:49,380 --> 01:32:52,178
Listen, about our situation...
1702
01:32:52,216 --> 01:32:56,744
Fuck that. Listen, guys, guys, guys.
I am the fucking President, all right?
1703
01:32:56,787 --> 01:32:59,517
That means I get to pardon whoever
I want. You guys are in the fuckin' clear.
1704
01:32:59,556 --> 01:33:00,614
Don't worry.
1705
01:33:00,658 --> 01:33:04,788
- Holy shit. Are you serious? Thank you.
- Oh, my God. Thank you, Mr. President.
1706
01:33:04,828 --> 01:33:05,852
Yeah.
1707
01:33:05,896 --> 01:33:09,161
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Don't mention it.
1708
01:33:09,800 --> 01:33:13,964
But, listen, to be honest, after
all the shit that we've been through...
1709
01:33:14,004 --> 01:33:17,997
I don't know if we can trust
our government anymore.
1710
01:33:18,042 --> 01:33:20,101
- Trust the government?
- Yeah.
1711
01:33:20,144 --> 01:33:23,045
Heck. I'm in the government
and I don't even trust it.
1712
01:33:23,080 --> 01:33:27,483
You don't have to believe in your
government to be a good American.
1713
01:33:31,588 --> 01:33:33,852
You just have to believe in your country.
1714
01:33:34,625 --> 01:33:36,115
Exactly.
1715
01:33:36,160 --> 01:33:38,492
- Exactly.
- Right.
1716
01:33:38,529 --> 01:33:40,190
This is good shit, isn't it?
1717
01:33:41,865 --> 01:33:43,560
Yeah, it is.
1718
01:33:43,600 --> 01:33:47,127
If you guys need anything else,
just let me know, all right?
1719
01:33:47,171 --> 01:33:50,629
Actually, Mr. President,
there is one thing.
1720
01:33:52,676 --> 01:33:55,201
- This really came out great.
- Yeah, it did, man.
1721
01:33:55,245 --> 01:33:56,974
I lit a lot of these candles.
1722
01:34:10,427 --> 01:34:11,985
Great.
1723
01:34:14,298 --> 01:34:16,528
- All clear.
- Safe to proceed.
1724
01:34:17,901 --> 01:34:19,766
He's here! I knew he'd come.
1725
01:34:24,141 --> 01:34:25,574
All right, let 'em in.
1726
01:34:29,947 --> 01:34:31,608
- What is happen...
- Who is that?
1727
01:34:31,648 --> 01:34:34,276
- Harold?
- Kumar?
1728
01:34:34,318 --> 01:34:38,550
Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize
for interrupting this beautiful ceremony.
1729
01:34:38,589 --> 01:34:40,318
But there is no way in hell...
1730
01:34:40,357 --> 01:34:43,258
that I'm letting the only woman
I've ever loved marry that piece of shit.
1731
01:34:45,062 --> 01:34:47,496
Security, get them out of here, please.
1732
01:34:47,531 --> 01:34:51,058
These guys?
No, see, they're with us. Yeah.
1733
01:34:51,101 --> 01:34:54,093
Looks like I got a little more pull
with the President than you, bitch.
1734
01:34:57,174 --> 01:35:00,268
- What the hell is going on?
- I'll tell you what's going on.
1735
01:35:00,310 --> 01:35:02,904
Your fianc� promised
to get us out of trouble.
1736
01:35:02,946 --> 01:35:06,746
But instead he arranged for us
to be sent back to Guant�namo Bay...
1737
01:35:06,784 --> 01:35:10,220
where we'd be forced
to suck Big Bob's fat dick.
1738
01:35:13,424 --> 01:35:15,551
- Is this true?
- Yeah, it's true.
1739
01:35:15,592 --> 01:35:17,321
I'll take care of this myself.
1740
01:35:19,797 --> 01:35:20,889
- OK, wait.
- No...
1741
01:35:23,300 --> 01:35:24,767
You son of a bitch.
1742
01:35:26,603 --> 01:35:28,127
I loved you, man.
1743
01:35:32,209 --> 01:35:34,769
- I can't believe this.
- Vanessa, let me explain...
1744
01:35:34,812 --> 01:35:36,712
Explain?
1745
01:35:36,747 --> 01:35:38,112
Explain why you're putting me through...
1746
01:35:38,148 --> 01:35:40,514
the most embarrassing moment
of my life?
1747
01:35:42,019 --> 01:35:47,116
Well, what if I did
something embarrassing to myself?
1748
01:35:47,157 --> 01:35:48,181
Would that make you feel better?
1749
01:35:48,225 --> 01:35:50,955
There's nothing you can do
that would be this embarrassing.
1750
01:35:55,499 --> 01:35:59,902
I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
1751
01:36:03,240 --> 01:36:05,731
A three is all that's good and right
1752
01:36:05,776 --> 01:36:10,145
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square-root sign?
1753
01:36:10,180 --> 01:36:11,875
I wish instead I were a nine
1754
01:36:11,915 --> 01:36:15,646
For nine could thwart this evil trick
With just some quick arithmetic
1755
01:36:16,887 --> 01:36:18,377
I know I'll never see the sun
1756
01:36:18,422 --> 01:36:20,322
As 1.7321
1757
01:36:20,357 --> 01:36:22,552
You fucking tool.
1758
01:36:22,593 --> 01:36:24,823
Quiet, anus.
1759
01:36:27,397 --> 01:36:31,390
Such is my reality
A sad irrationality
1760
01:36:31,435 --> 01:36:33,995
When, hark, just what is this I see?
1761
01:36:34,838 --> 01:36:36,829
Another square root of a three
1762
01:36:36,874 --> 01:36:39,468
Has quietly come waltzing by
1763
01:36:39,510 --> 01:36:41,239
Together now we multiply
1764
01:36:41,278 --> 01:36:43,803
To form a number we prefer
1765
01:36:43,847 --> 01:36:45,838
Rejoicing as an integer
1766
01:36:47,251 --> 01:36:49,185
We break free from our mortal bonds
1767
01:36:49,219 --> 01:36:51,084
And with a wave of magic wands
1768
01:36:51,121 --> 01:36:53,521
Our square-root signs become unglued
1769
01:36:53,557 --> 01:36:55,821
And love for me has been renewed
1770
01:37:04,935 --> 01:37:06,732
You were right.
1771
01:37:06,770 --> 01:37:09,568
- That was pretty lame.
- Told you.
1772
01:37:10,941 --> 01:37:15,708
Look, I can't promise you
the kind of lifestyle that Colton could.
1773
01:37:15,746 --> 01:37:18,544
And I can't promise you
that I'm gonna mature overnight.
1774
01:37:18,582 --> 01:37:21,016
But what I can promise you is that...
1775
01:37:27,391 --> 01:37:29,120
Sorry, I smoked weed
with the President.
1776
01:37:29,159 --> 01:37:30,990
I totally forgot
what I was going to say.
1777
01:37:33,497 --> 01:37:36,125
I can promise you
that I will always love you.
1778
01:37:36,166 --> 01:37:39,101
And I'll never try and make you
into something that you're not.
1779
01:37:40,437 --> 01:37:44,703
So, what do you say
you take a brother back?
1780
01:37:50,447 --> 01:37:52,506
Only if you promise to get me
out of this awkward situation...
1781
01:37:52,549 --> 01:37:53,573
as soon as possible.
1782
01:37:54,618 --> 01:37:55,710
Come here.
1783
01:37:59,156 --> 01:38:00,748
Yeah!
1784
01:38:05,195 --> 01:38:07,288
That's my boy!
1785
01:38:07,331 --> 01:38:08,559
Ku!
1786
01:38:14,871 --> 01:38:16,736
Come on.
Let's get the hell back to Jersey.
1787
01:38:16,773 --> 01:38:20,209
All right, hold on. First we gotta
do something for my buddy here.
1788
01:38:20,244 --> 01:38:22,144
- Got to go somewhere.
- Where?
1789
01:38:23,580 --> 01:38:27,414
# Ooh, baby, do you know
what that's worth? #
1790
01:38:27,451 --> 01:38:31,114
# Ooh, heaven is a place on earth #
1791
01:38:31,154 --> 01:38:35,318
# They say in heaven love comes first #
1792
01:38:35,359 --> 01:38:39,159
# We'll make heaven a place on earth #
1793
01:38:39,196 --> 01:38:43,326
# Ooh, heaven is a place on earth #
1794
01:38:54,311 --> 01:38:55,938
- Hey.
- Hey.
1795
01:38:57,581 --> 01:38:59,481
- No luck, huh?
- No.
1796
01:39:01,351 --> 01:39:04,184
Called every hotel in the city.
I walked all around.
1797
01:39:04,888 --> 01:39:06,287
I just can't find her anywhere.
1798
01:39:06,323 --> 01:39:07,790
- We'll find her.
- We'll find her, dude.
1799
01:39:12,963 --> 01:39:14,624
What?
1800
01:39:14,665 --> 01:39:16,792
Oh, my God, there she is.
1801
01:39:21,471 --> 01:39:23,837
- Roldy, she's hot.
- Dude, go get her!
1802
01:39:29,546 --> 01:39:32,606
Jesus, I'm sorry, man.
1803
01:39:32,649 --> 01:39:34,014
- So fuck it. Forget about that.
- Yeah.
1804
01:39:34,051 --> 01:39:35,575
It's probably
just some Amsterdam fling, all right?
1805
01:39:35,619 --> 01:39:36,677
We'll go back to the Jerz...
1806
01:39:36,720 --> 01:39:38,517
- in a couple of days, all right?
- No.
1807
01:39:39,790 --> 01:39:42,258
No, fuck it.
1808
01:39:42,292 --> 01:39:43,589
I came way too far.
1809
01:39:43,627 --> 01:39:45,219
We went through too much shit to...
1810
01:39:45,262 --> 01:39:46,695
I'm gonna talk to her.
1811
01:39:46,730 --> 01:39:47,822
No, no, no, dude, don't go in there.
1812
01:39:47,864 --> 01:39:48,990
- Come on.
- Just wait.
1813
01:39:49,032 --> 01:39:50,829
Come on, man.
Wait till we get back to Jersey.
1814
01:39:52,436 --> 01:39:53,562
What the fuck are you doing?
1815
01:39:53,603 --> 01:39:56,094
- C'est quol ton putaln de probl�me, tol?
- Harold!
1816
01:39:56,139 --> 01:39:58,004
I didn't understand what you said.
1817
01:39:58,041 --> 01:40:00,737
- What the fuck are you doing?
- What the fuck are you doing, man?
1818
01:40:00,777 --> 01:40:03,405
- You're ruining my shot.
- You what?
1819
01:40:03,447 --> 01:40:05,506
Get off my set!
1820
01:40:05,549 --> 01:40:07,449
I'm so confused. What's...
1821
01:40:07,484 --> 01:40:09,850
- What's going on?
- Harold, I'm doing a photo shoot.
1822
01:40:10,787 --> 01:40:12,379
For Hlgh Tlmes magazine.
1823
01:40:13,490 --> 01:40:17,187
Of course, you're a model.
You're very hot. You're a model.
1824
01:40:17,227 --> 01:40:19,422
Right. I always wondered
what you did for a living.
1825
01:40:19,463 --> 01:40:22,364
I'm sorry. So, wait a second.
So you're not with this dude?
1826
01:40:22,399 --> 01:40:24,162
Are you kidding? Me?
1827
01:40:24,201 --> 01:40:26,533
- Yeah.
- No.
1828
01:40:26,570 --> 01:40:28,936
Anton is like totally gay.
1829
01:40:34,811 --> 01:40:36,938
Harold, what are you doing here?
1830
01:40:38,081 --> 01:40:39,810
I didn't want to wait ten days
to see you...
1831
01:40:39,850 --> 01:40:42,375
so I thought
I would come and surprise you.
1832
01:40:43,987 --> 01:40:46,114
That is so sweet.
1833
01:40:46,156 --> 01:40:48,090
OK. It's sweet.
1834
01:40:48,125 --> 01:40:51,060
I've been thinking about you
this whole time.
1835
01:40:51,094 --> 01:40:52,584
- You have?
- I have.
1836
01:40:52,629 --> 01:40:56,121
- I missed you so much.
- I missed you.
1837
01:41:10,013 --> 01:41:11,640
Fuck yeah, dude.
1838
01:41:11,681 --> 01:41:13,979
Bang bang, Roldy.
1839
01:41:15,352 --> 01:41:17,479
Hello, Maria. My name is Kumar.
1840
01:41:17,521 --> 01:41:19,455
- I've heard so much about you.
- Hi.
1841
01:41:19,489 --> 01:41:20,751
This is Vanessa. Vanessa, Maria.
1842
01:41:20,791 --> 01:41:22,486
- Hey.
- Hey. How you doing?
1843
01:41:22,526 --> 01:41:26,223
Ladies and Roldy, how would you
like to get really fucking high...
1844
01:41:26,263 --> 01:41:28,060
since we're in Amsterdam?
1845
01:41:28,098 --> 01:41:29,292
- Yeah.
- Shall we?
1846
01:41:29,332 --> 01:41:32,324
- Sounds like a plan.
- Let's do it.
1847
01:41:32,369 --> 01:41:35,532
# So in the beginning
there was hum from a poet #
1848
01:41:35,572 --> 01:41:37,767
# Whose pulse felt drum, drum, drum #
1849
01:41:37,808 --> 01:41:39,241
# He would perform praise and all #
1850
01:41:39,276 --> 01:41:42,109
# Till one day he heard a voice call
come, come, come #
1851
01:41:42,145 --> 01:41:44,443
# Suspicious, he moved,
it was his cost #
1852
01:41:44,481 --> 01:41:47,075
# His missus he thinks
is a little lost #
1853
01:41:47,117 --> 01:41:50,780
# People get held back
by the voice inside 'em #
1854
01:41:50,821 --> 01:41:53,813
# Yeah, the voice said
the voices speak inside you #
1855
01:41:53,857 --> 01:42:00,160
# Rejoice and please let me invite you
to evil, greed and lies too #
1856
01:42:00,197 --> 01:42:02,290
# Yeah, confusing days,
he moved aways #
1857
01:42:02,332 --> 01:42:04,857
- # He soon became #
- # Boom boom boom #
1858
01:42:04,901 --> 01:42:07,426
# A knock on his door,
his heart is no more #
1859
01:42:07,471 --> 01:42:10,338
# A knock on his door,
his soul is no more #
1860
01:42:12,609 --> 01:42:14,304
# Yeah #
1861
01:42:16,913 --> 01:42:18,676
# That was in the beginning #
1862
01:42:18,715 --> 01:42:20,945
# The cops beat him
when all he wants is his freedom #
1863
01:42:20,984 --> 01:42:23,316
# So they defeat him,
whatever spirit he's got, beat him #
1864
01:42:23,353 --> 01:42:25,378
# And they teach him the rest of the world
don't need him #
1865
01:42:25,422 --> 01:42:28,016
# And he believes the disease
that he's heathen #
1866
01:42:28,058 --> 01:42:30,185
# Put up your fists
if all you want is freedom #
1867
01:42:30,227 --> 01:42:32,252
# Put up your fists if all you want is #
1868
01:42:37,868 --> 01:42:39,665
# That was in the beginning #
1869
01:42:42,873 --> 01:42:44,670
# And things change #
1870
01:42:48,812 --> 01:42:50,473
# Yeah, yeah, yeah #
1871
01:42:50,514 --> 01:42:54,507
# We keep holding on
and we keep being strong #
1872
01:42:54,551 --> 01:42:58,885
# And we keep going on,
and on and on and on #
1873
01:42:58,922 --> 01:43:03,450
# And we keep holding on
and we keep being strong #
1874
01:43:03,493 --> 01:43:08,123
# And we keep going on
and on and on and on #
1875
01:43:08,164 --> 01:43:12,624
# And we keep holding on
and we keep being strong #
1876
01:43:12,669 --> 01:43:17,231
# And we keep going on
and on and on and on #
1877
01:43:17,274 --> 01:43:21,643
# And we keep holding on
and we keep being strong #
1878
01:43:21,678 --> 01:43:26,172
# And we keep going on
and on and on and on #
1879
01:43:27,617 --> 01:43:30,484
- # Brothers and sisters #
- # Yeah #
1880
01:43:30,520 --> 01:43:33,683
- # We're gonna have church tonight #
- # Yeah, yeah! #
1881
01:43:33,723 --> 01:43:37,682
# And tonight this speaker
is Reverend Rufus Johnson #
1882
01:43:37,727 --> 01:43:41,424
# I wake up praising God every day #
1883
01:43:41,464 --> 01:43:46,401
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #
1884
01:43:46,436 --> 01:43:48,996
- # Thank you, Jesus #
- # Thank you, Jesus #
1885
01:43:49,039 --> 01:43:52,770
- # Thank you, Lord #
- # Thank you, Lord #
1886
01:43:52,809 --> 01:43:57,610
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #
1887
01:43:57,647 --> 01:43:59,911
- # Nigger, I'm high, nigger, you high #
- # Uh-huh #
1888
01:43:59,950 --> 01:44:02,714
# Let's get higher than
the motherfucking sky #
1889
01:44:02,752 --> 01:44:05,016
# Watch the butterflies hit the wall #
1890
01:44:05,055 --> 01:44:07,717
# And if you're feeling down
give your boy a call #
1891
01:44:07,757 --> 01:44:12,660
# Weed, it takes the stress away, that's
why Bizarre smokes ten blunts a day #
1892
01:44:12,696 --> 01:44:15,426
# It's nothing
but the sticky, icky, green stuff #
1893
01:44:15,465 --> 01:44:17,831
# Light it, pass it and take a puff #
1894
01:44:17,867 --> 01:44:20,301
# Having a bad day, stop by my house #
1895
01:44:20,337 --> 01:44:22,862
# 'Cause most likely
I got a blunt in my mouth #
1896
01:44:22,906 --> 01:44:24,931
# So sit down, relax and chill #
1897
01:44:24,975 --> 01:44:28,035
# And if you don't smoke weed
then, shit, I got some pills #
1898
01:44:28,078 --> 01:44:30,569
# What you need, girl, a fucking refill? #
1899
01:44:30,614 --> 01:44:33,242
# A fat bag of weed
and some Happy Meals? #
1900
01:44:33,283 --> 01:44:38,812
# Nah, baby, I don't smoke Newports,
only fat bags of weed in this Escort #
1901
01:44:38,855 --> 01:44:42,655
# I wake up praising God every day #
1902
01:44:42,692 --> 01:44:47,527
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #
1903
01:44:47,564 --> 01:44:50,192
- # Thank you, Jesus #
- # Thank you, Jesus #
1904
01:44:50,233 --> 01:44:53,930
- # Thank you, Lord #
- # Thank you, Lord #
1905
01:44:53,970 --> 01:44:58,771
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #
1906
01:44:58,808 --> 01:45:03,836
# Sunday morning, Bizarre have faith
Blunt in my mouth, watching TJ drink #
1907
01:45:03,880 --> 01:45:06,280
# Dangerous mind, just like Coolio #
1908
01:45:06,316 --> 01:45:08,944
# Only church I know
is Snoop Dogg's studio #
1909
01:45:08,985 --> 01:45:11,453
# Write out some raps,
throw it in my lap #
1910
01:45:11,488 --> 01:45:13,956
# Grab the Hennessy, get the acid tab #
1911
01:45:13,990 --> 01:45:16,618
# I'm glad that
I didn't move down South #
1912
01:45:16,660 --> 01:45:19,151
# Take care of my kids,
be the man of the house #
1913
01:45:19,195 --> 01:45:23,996
# Orange mushrooms and yellow stars
Fat bags of beetles in Mason jars #
1914
01:45:24,034 --> 01:45:26,332
# Get in the lap, come on, jump in #
1915
01:45:26,369 --> 01:45:29,270
# Bring a bottle of gin,
and two of your freaky friends #
1916
01:45:29,305 --> 01:45:31,773
# Fuck it! Let's go to see the point #
1917
01:45:31,808 --> 01:45:34,299
# Bring your son along,
shit, he can hit the joint #
1918
01:45:34,344 --> 01:45:37,040
# 'Cause rapping is a full-time job #
1919
01:45:37,080 --> 01:45:39,913
# All I want is smoke weed
and praise God, yeah #
1920
01:45:39,949 --> 01:45:43,715
# I wake up praising God every day #
1921
01:45:43,753 --> 01:45:48,690
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #
1922
01:45:48,725 --> 01:45:51,523
- # Thank you, Jesus #
- # Thank you, Jesus #
1923
01:45:51,561 --> 01:45:55,122
- # Thank you, Lord #
- # Thank you, Lord #
1924
01:45:55,165 --> 01:45:59,932
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #
1925
01:45:59,969 --> 01:46:02,062
# Break it down, yeah #
1926
01:46:02,105 --> 01:46:04,232
# We gonna slow it down right here #
1927
01:46:04,274 --> 01:46:09,769
# We havin' church up in here tonight
It's the Reverend Rufus Johnson #
1928
01:46:09,813 --> 01:46:15,115
# And we sittin' over here
at sixteen five-o, cone it #
1929
01:46:16,219 --> 01:46:20,622
# And ladies and gentlemen,
come in, praise God with us #
1930
01:46:20,657 --> 01:46:24,525
# I wake up praising God every day #
1931
01:46:24,561 --> 01:46:29,498
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #
1932
01:46:29,532 --> 01:46:32,330
- # Thank you, Jesus #
- # Thank you, Jesus #
1933
01:46:32,368 --> 01:46:34,893
- # Thank you, Lord #
- # Thank you, Lord #
1934
01:46:34,938 --> 01:46:37,429
- # Thank you, Jesus #
- # Thank you, Jesus #
1935
01:46:37,474 --> 01:46:41,001
- # Thank you, Lord #
- # Thank you, Lord #
1936
01:46:41,044 --> 01:46:46,175
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #
1937
01:46:46,216 --> 01:46:47,979
- # Sunday morning #
- # I wake up praising #
1938
01:46:48,017 --> 01:46:49,575
- # Baptist #
- # God every day #
1939
01:46:49,619 --> 01:46:51,644
- # Catholic, Jehovah Witness #
- # I wanna smoke some weed #
1940
01:46:51,688 --> 01:46:53,451
- # Tabernacle, yeah #
- # And #
1941
01:46:53,490 --> 01:46:55,151
- # Roll me a J #
- # Come praise God #
1942
01:46:55,191 --> 01:46:56,590
# Thank you, Jesus #
1943
01:46:56,626 --> 01:46:57,786
- # Thank you, Jesus #
- # Yeah #
1944
01:46:57,827 --> 01:46:59,089
- # Thank you, Lord
- # Services #
1945
01:46:59,129 --> 01:47:01,029
- # Thank you, Lord #
- # Sunday #
1946
01:47:01,064 --> 01:47:02,861
- # For letting me #
- # At 4:20 #
1947
01:47:02,899 --> 01:47:07,359
- # Live another day #
- # Brothers and sisters, Sunday at 4:20 #
1948
01:47:07,403 --> 01:47:09,894
# Come on, praise God #
1949
01:47:10,907 --> 01:47:13,375
# Just 'cause you smoke weed
don't mean you're a sinner #
1950
01:47:13,409 --> 01:47:15,309
- # What? #
- # Just 'cause you smoke weed #
1951
01:47:15,345 --> 01:47:16,869
# It don't mean you don't believe in God #
1952
01:47:18,214 --> 01:47:21,206
# Jesus will take care of you #
1953
01:47:21,251 --> 01:47:22,741
# Jesus #
1954
01:47:22,786 --> 01:47:24,981
# You need Jesus #
1955
01:47:39,302 --> 01:47:41,236
Motherfucker!