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NARRATOR: In the 16th Century,
the mystic John Dee

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00:00:21,337 --> 00:00:25,239
wrote the "Sigillum Aemeth",
a book of musical chants

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that were meant to summon angels,

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but brought forth demons instead.

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Fearing the unholy power
of his dark songs,

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Dee tried to destroy
the book, but failed.

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Sought by sorcerers and
dark rulers for centuries,

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the book had been lost...

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Until now.

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(MEN CHANTING, OWL HOOTING)

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MAN: Bequeath protection
upon thine followers

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who walketh in the footsteps
of Vinsibas Aroptum.

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MEN: Vinsibas Aroptum.

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(METALLIC WHOOSHING)

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(SLICING)

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(LIGHT GRUNTING)

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(SLICING AND GRUNTING)

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And your appeasement of
the gods of Vinsibas...

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Have failed.
(SHOCKED GASPING)

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MAN: What seven blood
packs not enough, Ronnie?

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MAN: Yeah, this shit's never coming
out of my tunic, by the way.

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RONNIE: I don't know what
to tell you guys, okay?

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The appeasement...
The appeasement fails?

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- ERIC: It's bullshit.
- You failed, Eric.

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Okay... Maybe if you made
a meaningful sacrifice.

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Hey, that's bullshit, Ronnie.

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ERIC: What do you want from me?

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We're out here in the woods
in the middle of the night.

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We got our robs on...
We nailed the chant.

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Come on.

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We had everything the
game plan laid out.

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It's time that you leveled us up.

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You can't just keep failing
my appeasements forever.

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- RONNIE: I'm sorry...
- ERIC: F you, Hung.

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RONNIE: The appeasement fails
because Eric wasn't meaning it.

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- He wasn't being meaningful.
- MAN: Bullshit, Ronnie.

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RONNIE: Shut up, Hung, I don't
know what to tell you guys.

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ERIC: Sometimes I don't know
who's harder to appease, Ronnie.

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- The gods of Vinsibas or you.
- RONNIE: If you don't stop

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complaining, the gods of Vinsibas are
going to curse all your characters

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with a case of evil herpes!

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- ERIC: Bullshit!
- RONNIE: Eric, you failed.

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- What the fuck?
- Maybe if you made

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a meaningful sacrifice.

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Guys, how will we taste triumph at
Evermore with this weak bullshit?

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Fear not, Sir Reginald, for
I have just the magic needed.

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Excuse me while I whipith this out.

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(SWISHING)

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What was that?

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Hey, Dude, what's that?

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What?

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(THWACKING)
HUNG: Oh shit!

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(LAUGHING)
That hurts.

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(RAPID THWACKING)

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(LAUGHING)

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Eat paint, haunted fuckers!

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(FRANTICALLY SCREAMING GIBBERISH)

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ERIC: Help... Help!

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MAN: This'll teach you to play your
fucking wizard game in our woods.

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Yeah, run!

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Run, you freaks...
And don't ever come back.

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Ah!

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(ENGINE TURNING OVER)

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(TIRES SQUEALING)

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(RAPID THWACKING)

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Hey, check this shit out.

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Harry Pooper dropped his book.

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(CHUCKLING)

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Yeah, tear that shit.

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Come on, man...
just destroy the book.

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Rip it open.

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(DISTANT, VIOLENT WHOOSHING)

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(NEBULOUS HOWLING, GRUNTING)

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What the fuck?

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(MUFFLED)
Get it off... Fuck... get it off!

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(BOTH GRUNTING)

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(HIGH PITCHED WHOOSHING)

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Fuck... Jesus motherfucker.

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The book fucked up your face.

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(SCREAMING)

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HUNG: Be strong, Sir Reginald.

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Be strong, I say.

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(GROANING)

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Oh ma...

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(GLOVE BOX OPENING)
Fuck.

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Shit!

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- We gotta go back for the book.
- HUNG: What book?

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I brought that kickass old book
I was gonna use for my spells!

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Fuck!

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I must have dropped it when
those paintballers attacked us!

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Shit!

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- Fuck!
- HUNG: Is this it?

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That's it.

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Whoo... Thank God.

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Sorry about freaking out.

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No problem.

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Ronnie Kwok, he's gonna
shit when he sees that.

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We'll be back, you
redneck cocksuckers.

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This I vow.

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<i>♪ Cast down divide ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Dark ripped ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Shadows of our dead minions ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Drag me into the abyss ♪</i>

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<i>♪ He is reborn in the dark light ♪</i>

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Bleh.

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<i>♪ He instigates thy doom ♪</i>

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Turn off the music!

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- Turn it off!
- MAN: What?

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- Turn this music off!
- I can't hear you.

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Joe, come on.

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Come on.

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You are this close.

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How close?

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(METAL CLANGING)

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Damn, man.

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That shit is tight.

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It's called "Your Heart Sucks My Soul."
It's kind of a love song, you know?

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Mm-hmm.

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I wrote it as a surprise for Beth.

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- Yeah?
- Yeah.

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Listen, if that song doesn't
say love and commitment,

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I don't know what does.

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We need to have a talk.

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I'm actually way ahead of you.

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How about you, me,
dinner, tonight?

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Somewhere with a tablecloth?

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I got a little something
special I want to give you.

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Wait.

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Don't tell me it's...

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Is it what I think it is?

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No.

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Yes.

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I don't know...
What do you think it is?

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Don't do anything big
involving jewelry, okay?

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I mean, I need to
concentrate on my career.

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It's not the right thing for
that sort of commitment.

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Oh, no, no, I get it.

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Whoa.

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It's cool.

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It's cool.

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I mean, why mess with
a good thing, right?

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Time out here, Joe.

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You're breaking up with me.

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Will you listen to me?

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You have a college degree
in communications studies.

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You could be doing
anything you wanted.

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Hold up.

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I am doing what I want.

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You live in a fake castle
leeching off your accidental

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millionaire loser friend playing
black metal in your bedroom.

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You will never change.

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Uh, it's doom metal.

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Who the fuck asked you?

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Well, he's right.

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Gilberto, you're the fucking man.

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It was black.

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Then we went through
a sludge phase.

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Now it's more doom.

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I need to focus on my
future, my career.

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It's important that I align myself
with successful people, Joe.

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I'm sorry, but that's
just how it is.

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(GROANING, CAR ALARM BLARES)

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(TIRES SCREECHING)

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Hey, dude, where's my plus-3 mace?

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Am I thy weapon's keeper?

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Hey, man.

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Found it!

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Oh, hey, dude.

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You bent my mace.

170
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That's not-that's not cool.

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Sorry, man.

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My mom made me this mace.

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It's still fierce.

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Ahh!

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(GUITAR PLAYING QUIETLY)

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(KNOCKING)

177
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That's a power ballad.

178
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What's wrong with him?

179
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Oh.

180
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She dumped you, didn't she?

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(SHATTERING)

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Fuck off!

183
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Whoa, nice shot.

184
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So your body is already
subconsciously moving on.

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I knew that this day would come.

186
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You had a vision of her just
ripping out my heart, huh?

187
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Yeah.

188
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Thanks for the heads
up, mighty warlock.

189
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I'm a 26-level wizard, buddy.

190
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I know that you know that

191
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and you're just tying
to be hurtful.

192
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Fucking Beth.

193
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,762
Dude, look, I'm sorry for
what happened, but you two

194
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hadn't been right for each
other for a long time.

195
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:18,033
It's only the rejection that hurts.

196
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You'll get over that.

197
00:10:19,602 --> 00:10:20,703
Maybe she's right.

198
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,772
Maybe...

199
00:10:23,773 --> 00:10:25,407
I should be making some changes.

200
00:10:25,408 --> 00:10:26,741
Maybe I should move out of here.

201
00:10:26,742 --> 00:10:28,845
No, there's no need for drama.

202
00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:32,316
You always have a place
here at meine castle.

203
00:10:32,782 --> 00:10:34,215
I still love her.

204
00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:35,518
We can't leave him like this.

205
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:37,953
I know.

206
00:10:37,954 --> 00:10:39,289
I'll be fine... Just go.

207
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:41,826
Go... Kill your fake dragons.

208
00:11:05,047 --> 00:11:06,148
This is awkward.

209
00:11:06,949 --> 00:11:08,351
I know what you need.

210
00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:10,519
Come on.

211
00:11:12,788 --> 00:11:14,825
Come on!

212
00:11:22,298 --> 00:11:23,399
Uh-uh.

213
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,967
I told you, I don't do
that shit any more.

214
00:11:25,968 --> 00:11:29,572
Yeah and the reason you quit
just kicked you to the curb.

215
00:11:29,573 --> 00:11:32,073
So I think it's high time that
you got back in the saddle.

216
00:11:32,074 --> 00:11:33,609
It's a sativa, dude.

217
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,715
It'll lift your spirits
but not knock you out.

218
00:11:38,347 --> 00:11:39,783
Just do it... it's nothing.

219
00:11:45,489 --> 00:11:46,590
Okay.

220
00:11:48,525 --> 00:11:49,626
(BUBBLING)

221
00:11:56,932 --> 00:11:59,637
(GAGGING, COUGHING)

222
00:12:05,509 --> 00:12:07,078
(COUGHING)

223
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:11,080
(COUGHING)

224
00:12:13,049 --> 00:12:15,086
(RASPY COUGHING)

225
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,965
(LAUGHTER ECHOING)

226
00:12:46,882 --> 00:12:48,316
JOE: I love you.

227
00:12:48,317 --> 00:12:50,320
BETH: I love you too, Joe.

228
00:12:51,655 --> 00:12:54,827
(LAUGHING)

229
00:13:01,063 --> 00:13:03,100
Sweet Jesus.

230
00:13:14,176 --> 00:13:15,277
Wait.

231
00:13:16,846 --> 00:13:17,947
Oh no.

232
00:13:21,784 --> 00:13:24,556
(SHOUTING)

233
00:13:54,618 --> 00:13:56,387
Fuck me.

234
00:14:02,958 --> 00:14:06,999
Aye, Sir Dragoroth have
been detained by Minerva.

235
00:14:07,830 --> 00:14:08,931
...The sea hag.

236
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:13,434
His bewitchment by the siren's
song shall be the nail

237
00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:16,905
thine army wantst,
King Diamond the Red.

238
00:14:16,906 --> 00:14:18,007
We shall see.

239
00:14:18,642 --> 00:14:19,908
Until Evermore.

240
00:14:19,909 --> 00:14:21,177
'Til Evermore.

241
00:14:23,012 --> 00:14:24,113
Eric!

242
00:14:24,681 --> 00:14:26,016
Hung!

243
00:14:34,356 --> 00:14:35,524
Where the fuck are we?

244
00:14:35,525 --> 00:14:38,931
'Tis the kingdom of
Eliphaz, my naive friend.

245
00:14:41,997 --> 00:14:43,098
(HORN HONKING)

246
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,335
You shanghaied me and dressed me.

247
00:14:47,336 --> 00:14:48,537
Aye.

248
00:14:48,538 --> 00:14:49,971
It just felt right.

249
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:52,140
Adventuring is exactly
what thou needst.

250
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:53,474
"Needst" is not a word.

251
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:54,710
Where we are, it is.

252
00:14:54,711 --> 00:14:56,547
I'm taking this shit off.

253
00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,548
Whoa!

254
00:14:59,549 --> 00:15:01,650
Now is not the time
to lose thy nerve,

255
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,151
brave and scorned warrior.

256
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:06,287
Thou has been recruited to
fight in the glorious army

257
00:15:06,288 --> 00:15:07,523
of Kabedrah.

258
00:15:07,524 --> 00:15:10,128
The epic battle of Evermore.

259
00:15:13,697 --> 00:15:15,734
Come, Sir Hung.

260
00:15:32,482 --> 00:15:33,883
RONNIE: That looks terrible.

261
00:15:33,884 --> 00:15:36,150
My three-year-old nephew
could make a better map.

262
00:15:36,151 --> 00:15:37,587
He's got learning disabilities.

263
00:15:39,656 --> 00:15:40,856
It'll have to do.

264
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,558
(INHALING DEEPLY)

265
00:15:42,559 --> 00:15:45,159
You, my friend, are on dragon duty.

266
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:46,896
Take these...
(KEYS JANGLING)

267
00:15:46,897 --> 00:15:50,671
and make sure that
<i>♪ weeee ♪</i> are good to go.

268
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:52,501
And Dragon Rider!

269
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,606
Just don't fuck with my stereo.

270
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,381
Grass is nourished by
the blood of heroes.

271
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:07,651
Hmm?

272
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,118
- Are you listening?
- Yes.

273
00:16:10,119 --> 00:16:11,655
Uh-huh... let's continue.

274
00:16:19,194 --> 00:16:22,734
And here we have Fengyrian Falls.

275
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:26,201
(PLOPPING)

276
00:16:26,937 --> 00:16:28,038
Oh.

277
00:16:28,705 --> 00:16:32,307
Remember, gentlemen, your
supervision of this script

278
00:16:32,308 --> 00:16:34,208
and the monsters contained within

279
00:16:34,209 --> 00:16:36,377
will make this event come alive.

280
00:16:36,378 --> 00:16:37,713
Follow me now.

281
00:16:37,714 --> 00:16:41,115
Adventures lie waiting
like sleeping dragons!

282
00:16:41,116 --> 00:16:43,051
Hah?
(HISSING)

283
00:16:43,052 --> 00:16:44,153
(THROATY HISSING)

284
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:53,431
And here we have Novum Castellum!

285
00:16:53,964 --> 00:16:56,130
Ah, each band of
heroes will complete

286
00:16:56,131 --> 00:16:58,234
a Class Three quest this eve.

287
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,335
By gathering at the
plains of Evermore,

288
00:17:00,336 --> 00:17:03,943
the battle betwixt the realms
of King Diamond and Carey.

289
00:17:06,075 --> 00:17:08,142
Though there will be a big
surprise in store for all.

290
00:17:08,143 --> 00:17:09,244
(QUIET CHUCKLING)

291
00:17:10,145 --> 00:17:14,252
And as game master, I will be
watching over all of this.

292
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:18,256
You can think of me as God.

293
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:27,730
(GROWLING)

294
00:17:32,201 --> 00:17:33,937
Excuse me a minute.

295
00:17:37,007 --> 00:17:38,442
(RONNIE CLEARING HIS THROAT)

296
00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:43,879
Ah, Gwen.

297
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:45,983
Just whom I wanted to see.

298
00:17:47,282 --> 00:17:50,452
I have been watching you these
long battle-swept nights

299
00:17:50,453 --> 00:17:53,558
of the campaign and you
have shown your mettle.

300
00:17:53,723 --> 00:17:55,724
So, verily, the time has come

301
00:17:55,725 --> 00:17:58,496
for you to ascend to
the upper realms.

302
00:17:59,061 --> 00:18:00,162
Oh God.

303
00:18:00,964 --> 00:18:02,497
The game hasn't started
already, has it?

304
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:03,899
- No.
- We don't have to talk

305
00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:06,200
in Dorkinese yet, do we?

306
00:18:06,201 --> 00:18:10,308
I thought maybe you'd want to be
my assistant head game master

307
00:18:10,406 --> 00:18:12,908
and you could be my right
hand, my right hand...

308
00:18:12,909 --> 00:18:14,010
Ow!
(GROWLING)

309
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:15,911
Ooh.

310
00:18:15,912 --> 00:18:17,546
I have an idea of
what your right hand

311
00:18:17,547 --> 00:18:19,313
spends a lot of time doing, Ronnie.

312
00:18:19,314 --> 00:18:20,750
That's really personal, Gwen.

313
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,250
GWEN: Come, Gunther.

314
00:18:22,251 --> 00:18:23,352
(RONNIE WHIMPERING)

315
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:26,455
(GROWLING)

316
00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:31,092
I'll take that as a no for now.

317
00:18:31,093 --> 00:18:32,194
(SNIGGLING)

318
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,765
- You okay?
- Shut your mouth.

319
00:18:37,332 --> 00:18:38,635
Onward.

320
00:18:39,502 --> 00:18:40,603
Shut your mouth.

321
00:18:44,074 --> 00:18:45,908
JOE: Where the fuck are the keys?

322
00:18:45,909 --> 00:18:47,010
Two floors.

323
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,148
Whoa.

324
00:18:56,953 --> 00:18:58,587
Hey.
(CLANGING)

325
00:18:58,588 --> 00:19:01,025
Thought you guys only
used foam weapons.

326
00:19:01,591 --> 00:19:03,360
In this world, young Jonen,

327
00:19:03,860 --> 00:19:06,595
you can only put
your trust in steel.

328
00:19:06,596 --> 00:19:10,369
My elite clientele is willing to
pay a premium for authenticity.

329
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:14,004
Where the fuck are the keys?

330
00:19:14,269 --> 00:19:15,537
Come on, Joe.

331
00:19:15,538 --> 00:19:16,972
You played D&D.

332
00:19:16,973 --> 00:19:18,634
Live action role play
is the next level.

333
00:19:19,274 --> 00:19:21,076
D&D was a long time ago.

334
00:19:21,077 --> 00:19:22,945
Yeah... And you were a legend.

335
00:19:22,946 --> 00:19:24,079
These people here?

336
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,482
They sing songs about
the time that you gave

337
00:19:26,483 --> 00:19:29,020
Ronnie Kwok's paladin
demonic syphilis.

338
00:19:36,126 --> 00:19:39,427
Do you remember... remember when
we caught Ronnie spanking it

339
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:42,296
to the succubus picture in
the old monster manual?

340
00:19:42,297 --> 00:19:43,599
Good times, man.

341
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,399
Yeah, and some of us
are still having 'em.

342
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,735
Come on!

343
00:19:46,736 --> 00:19:48,770
Eric's about to level
up to Grand Sorcerer.

344
00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:51,208
I'm packing an ounce
of killer 'shrooms.

345
00:19:51,474 --> 00:19:54,245
And there be monsters
in need of pummelin'!

346
00:19:54,644 --> 00:19:56,612
You have a choice:

347
00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:59,114
Join us in tasting the
sweet nectar of victory

348
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:02,287
or mope around an empty
house all week like a bitch.

349
00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:08,893
You guys do actually
look slightly badass.

350
00:20:10,259 --> 00:20:11,760
It's like a Metalwolf cover.

351
00:20:11,761 --> 00:20:13,028
- Yeah.
- Without the muscles.

352
00:20:13,029 --> 00:20:14,262
No.

353
00:20:14,263 --> 00:20:15,364
(SIGHING)

354
00:20:17,867 --> 00:20:18,968
All right.

355
00:20:19,268 --> 00:20:20,502
I'm in.

356
00:20:20,503 --> 00:20:21,604
BOTH: Huzzah!

357
00:20:22,005 --> 00:20:23,271
Please.

358
00:20:23,272 --> 00:20:24,506
Don't make me rethink this.

359
00:20:24,507 --> 00:20:25,775
Nah.

360
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:27,543
(CLANGING)

361
00:20:27,544 --> 00:20:28,645
Owww...

362
00:20:34,383 --> 00:20:38,658
Welcome to the fields of Evermore!

363
00:20:45,128 --> 00:20:46,360
Um, Ronnie?

364
00:20:46,361 --> 00:20:47,629
Yes, Travis.

365
00:20:47,630 --> 00:20:48,996
Where are our costumes?

366
00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:52,034
<i>♪ There is no end to the
tricks up my sleeve ♪</i>

367
00:20:52,035 --> 00:20:53,571
- Wardr'be?
- MAN: Yes, sir.

368
00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:56,304
Got it... 42 regular.

369
00:20:56,305 --> 00:20:58,907
RONNIE: 42 reg... I think
you'll find it snug.

370
00:20:58,908 --> 00:21:00,374
- Great.
- RONNIE: Freshly laundered.

371
00:21:00,375 --> 00:21:02,044
I'm a trained actor, man.

372
00:21:02,045 --> 00:21:04,617
Not some fucking... stunt monkey.

373
00:21:05,481 --> 00:21:07,584
A weekend improv workshop, my ass.

374
00:21:08,651 --> 00:21:10,052
Ungrateful.

375
00:21:10,053 --> 00:21:11,923
Ah, greetings, enchanter.

376
00:21:13,422 --> 00:21:15,857
I have some surprises
in store for you.

377
00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:19,528
Some creatures with a taste
for flesh of the lowest order.

378
00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:20,596
Hmm?

379
00:21:20,597 --> 00:21:22,664
Parasites, charlatans.

380
00:21:22,665 --> 00:21:24,900
War profiteers of
forbidden weaponry.

381
00:21:24,901 --> 00:21:27,069
Verily, I say... let it go, dude.

382
00:21:27,070 --> 00:21:28,170
Well.

383
00:21:28,171 --> 00:21:31,443
Marketplace is a battlefield and
to the victor go the spoils.

384
00:21:31,941 --> 00:21:33,041
Agreed.

385
00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:34,876
I bring news of a legendary warrior

386
00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:36,510
long absent from this realm

387
00:21:36,511 --> 00:21:39,283
who returnth to replace the
estimable Sir Reginald.

388
00:21:40,950 --> 00:21:44,219
The new warrior is
of course welcome.

389
00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:46,054
Wonderful... Jobreyth of Revitt

390
00:21:46,055 --> 00:21:48,056
shall once more fight by my side.

391
00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:49,891
Joe Revitt's here...
What the frak, Eric?

392
00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:51,893
- I hate that guy.
- Ronald, Ronald,

393
00:21:51,894 --> 00:21:53,228
why be so petty?

394
00:21:53,229 --> 00:21:56,166
I mean, surely, you're not still
sore about your syphilitic paladin.

395
00:21:57,366 --> 00:22:00,068
Perhaps, the pages of
your monster manual

396
00:22:00,069 --> 00:22:02,471
remain stucketh together?

397
00:22:02,472 --> 00:22:03,573
(SNIGGLING)

398
00:22:08,211 --> 00:22:09,647
For old time's sake, he's in.

399
00:22:10,980 --> 00:22:12,182
But...

400
00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:16,952
You must accomplish a
level 12 summoning spell

401
00:22:16,953 --> 00:22:19,390
to animate Joe's character
with Reginald's life-force.

402
00:22:21,557 --> 00:22:23,727
Consider it done, my liege.

403
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,061
(SLEEVE WHOOSHING)

404
00:22:27,563 --> 00:22:28,998
Okay, that was a bit much.

405
00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:31,367
Show-off.

406
00:22:37,507 --> 00:22:39,276
ANNOUNCER:
Lo, the adventure begins!

407
00:22:40,243 --> 00:22:42,013
Please report for
quest assignments.

408
00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:44,882
Step forward when
your group is called.

409
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:04,901
Heed this reminder.

410
00:23:05,535 --> 00:23:07,202
All guilds must
complete their quest

411
00:23:07,203 --> 00:23:09,306
prior to tomorrow's
battle at Evermore.

412
00:23:10,273 --> 00:23:12,941
Also, Ryan the Necromancer
beseeches thy help

413
00:23:12,942 --> 00:23:14,810
in finding his inhaler.

414
00:23:14,811 --> 00:23:16,345
What... Oh.

415
00:23:16,346 --> 00:23:18,082
His inhaler of doom!

416
00:23:19,148 --> 00:23:21,950
And to the owner of the
sperm-white Toyota Tercel,

417
00:23:21,951 --> 00:23:24,186
thy chariot is blocking
the witches' coven.

418
00:23:24,187 --> 00:23:28,056
Move it or you'll be faced with
a hex of great dark magic.

419
00:23:28,057 --> 00:23:29,459
And you'll be towed.

420
00:23:49,812 --> 00:23:51,580
It's a lot like you remember it,

421
00:23:51,581 --> 00:23:53,749
except instead of
sitting around a table,

422
00:23:53,750 --> 00:23:55,550
we do it for real.

423
00:23:55,551 --> 00:23:56,818
For fake.

424
00:23:56,819 --> 00:23:58,053
Fake-real, dude.

425
00:23:58,054 --> 00:23:59,322
Don't fuck with me.

426
00:23:59,323 --> 00:24:02,324
And this fake-real
involves, uh, yoga?

427
00:24:02,325 --> 00:24:04,025
Laugh now, but a
structured warm-up routine

428
00:24:04,026 --> 00:24:05,461
helps prevent injury later.

429
00:24:06,428 --> 00:24:08,198
All right... I'll show you.

430
00:24:09,198 --> 00:24:10,533
Come on.

431
00:24:13,403 --> 00:24:14,504
What?

432
00:24:14,771 --> 00:24:15,872
All right.

433
00:24:16,572 --> 00:24:18,240
Arms and legs, one point.

434
00:24:18,241 --> 00:24:19,342
Torso's two.

435
00:24:20,009 --> 00:24:23,448
Limb takes a hit, it's useless
until healing's been cast.

436
00:24:23,579 --> 00:24:26,014
Parry disarm can be
used once per melee

437
00:24:26,015 --> 00:24:28,417
unless you're up against
a two-handed weapon.

438
00:24:28,418 --> 00:24:30,321
Grab your sword, I'll demonstrate.

439
00:24:45,234 --> 00:24:46,502
(MUMBLING)

440
00:24:52,742 --> 00:24:53,843
(GROWLING)

441
00:24:56,212 --> 00:24:57,412
Finish him!

442
00:24:57,413 --> 00:24:58,514
(GROWLING)

443
00:24:59,415 --> 00:25:01,318
(IMITATING FILM SOUND EFFECTS)

444
00:25:14,564 --> 00:25:15,630
Got an idea.

445
00:25:15,631 --> 00:25:17,165
How about I just forget the count

446
00:25:17,166 --> 00:25:19,334
- and start wailing on people!
- Dude!

447
00:25:19,335 --> 00:25:20,470
Dude!

448
00:25:20,471 --> 00:25:21,906
It's honor system, Man.

449
00:25:22,638 --> 00:25:24,806
Okay, you're all set
to join the battle.

450
00:25:24,807 --> 00:25:26,308
I just spoke with Ronnie.

451
00:25:26,309 --> 00:25:28,412
- Oh, except lose the sword.
- Huh?

452
00:25:29,011 --> 00:25:30,679
Yeah, newbs don't get swords.

453
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:31,781
Um.

454
00:25:33,015 --> 00:25:37,122
Wait, I have to earn the
right to carry a foam stick?

455
00:25:37,420 --> 00:25:41,491
'Tis not the size of the young
knave's blade, but the lust

456
00:25:41,492 --> 00:25:43,929
in his thrust by which
legends are made.

457
00:25:44,694 --> 00:25:46,027
(CROW CAWING)

458
00:25:46,028 --> 00:25:47,596
ERIC: Oh!

459
00:25:47,597 --> 00:25:48,698
Jobreyth!

460
00:25:49,332 --> 00:25:52,538
There is one more thing
you're going to need to do.

461
00:26:03,212 --> 00:26:04,779
Verily?

462
00:26:04,780 --> 00:26:07,716
- This is retarded.
- MAN: Guys, pentagrams?

463
00:26:07,717 --> 00:26:09,384
Man, we don't roll that
way here, all right?

464
00:26:09,385 --> 00:26:11,786
This is the LARP, not the
Wicker Man Wiccan cosplay.

465
00:26:11,787 --> 00:26:13,089
Nay.

466
00:26:14,491 --> 00:26:15,960
'Tis in the book, dude.

467
00:26:18,227 --> 00:26:19,495
Okay.

468
00:26:22,999 --> 00:26:24,065
(JOE CLEARING THROAT)

469
00:26:24,066 --> 00:26:25,167
JOE: Um, Eric.

470
00:26:26,802 --> 00:26:29,574
They be the rest of our
traveling companions.

471
00:26:31,073 --> 00:26:34,512
Stand back and witness the
spectacle of my animation spell.

472
00:26:37,713 --> 00:26:39,482
- Ready?
- Oh, for God's sake.

473
00:26:41,317 --> 00:26:46,360
(RECITING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

474
00:26:55,197 --> 00:26:57,969
(RECITATION BECOMES MORE HIGH PITCHED)

475
00:27:02,038 --> 00:27:03,139
(LAUGHING)

476
00:27:10,212 --> 00:27:12,850
(HIGH-PITCHED, ETHEREAL HUMMING)

477
00:27:28,764 --> 00:27:31,567
(WINDS HOWLING)

478
00:27:31,568 --> 00:27:33,705
(NEBULOUS YOWLING)

479
00:27:38,074 --> 00:27:39,175
(GASPING)

480
00:27:40,376 --> 00:27:42,914
(DEMONIC HOWLING)
Ahh!

481
00:27:46,983 --> 00:27:48,084
Beth?

482
00:27:48,918 --> 00:27:50,253
Beth?

483
00:27:52,489 --> 00:27:54,993
Ahh!

484
00:27:56,659 --> 00:27:58,161
(RECITATION CONTINUES)

485
00:27:59,428 --> 00:28:00,529
(WHOOSHING)

486
00:28:02,064 --> 00:28:04,434
(GAGGING, COUGHING)

487
00:28:06,335 --> 00:28:07,604
How awesome was that!

488
00:28:07,605 --> 00:28:09,206
A-plus, motherfucker.

489
00:28:12,274 --> 00:28:13,375
Arise, Jobreyth.

490
00:28:14,176 --> 00:28:16,277
Breathe fresh the air once again.

491
00:28:16,278 --> 00:28:17,379
(COUGHING)

492
00:28:18,114 --> 00:28:19,584
What the fuck was that... it hurt.

493
00:28:19,949 --> 00:28:21,050
(GAGGING COUGHS)

494
00:28:21,283 --> 00:28:23,451
Methinks you should not
be so much of a pussy.

495
00:28:23,452 --> 00:28:25,987
Don't tell me you've never
played with fireworks before.

496
00:28:25,988 --> 00:28:27,355
Not like that.

497
00:28:27,356 --> 00:28:30,930
What was with the faces,
the smells, everything?

498
00:28:31,628 --> 00:28:32,729
What was that?

499
00:28:33,630 --> 00:28:35,631
I tell you what I see.

500
00:28:35,632 --> 00:28:36,733
A warrior...

501
00:28:39,636 --> 00:28:42,073
who can't let go of his past.

502
00:28:42,639 --> 00:28:44,408
JOE: What are you doing?

503
00:28:46,476 --> 00:28:47,709
Wow.

504
00:28:47,710 --> 00:28:48,977
What was that?

505
00:28:48,978 --> 00:28:50,211
Ex-girlfriend!

506
00:28:50,212 --> 00:28:51,313
Jobryeth needeth closure!

507
00:28:52,549 --> 00:28:53,984
It's not like that.

508
00:28:54,383 --> 00:28:55,850
'Tis no matter to me, apprentice.

509
00:28:55,851 --> 00:28:58,555
RONNIE: What the shit is going on?
Why is there smoke?

510
00:28:59,489 --> 00:29:02,390
Eric, I said a basic summoning
spell, not one of your

511
00:29:02,391 --> 00:29:04,059
non-regulation
pyrotechnic displays.

512
00:29:04,060 --> 00:29:06,832
This was more befitting
a 27th level sorcerer.

513
00:29:07,664 --> 00:29:09,767
Which you are not yet.

514
00:29:11,535 --> 00:29:12,636
What's up, Joe?

515
00:29:13,002 --> 00:29:14,069
(COUGHS)

516
00:29:14,070 --> 00:29:16,608
Needst I remindst thou

517
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:18,306
the Temple of Syrinx awaits.

518
00:29:18,307 --> 00:29:19,542
Don't be a buzzkill, Ronnie.

519
00:29:19,543 --> 00:29:20,809
Ah.

520
00:29:20,810 --> 00:29:22,145
Come, Gunther.

521
00:29:22,512 --> 00:29:23,613
(GROWLING)

522
00:29:24,213 --> 00:29:25,314
(MOUTHING)

523
00:29:25,748 --> 00:29:27,015
<i>ERIC: ♪ Buzzkill ♪</i>

524
00:29:27,016 --> 00:29:28,249
RONNIE: What?

525
00:29:28,250 --> 00:29:31,155
<i>ERIC: ♪ Buzzkill ♪</i>

526
00:29:47,403 --> 00:29:49,370
How you doing there, Captain Trips?

527
00:29:49,371 --> 00:29:50,539
Verily.

528
00:29:50,607 --> 00:29:52,710
There be a fungus among us.

529
00:29:53,843 --> 00:29:56,615
Is it your fungus
that's fucking with me?

530
00:29:56,779 --> 00:30:00,115
'Cause if you did slip me some
'shrooms, why's it feel like

531
00:30:00,116 --> 00:30:02,551
I got bent over and taken
advantage of back there?

532
00:30:02,552 --> 00:30:04,989
Perhaps thine reach exceeds
thy grasp, "vizard".

533
00:30:05,555 --> 00:30:07,658
So who are our comrades, Enchanter?

534
00:30:08,858 --> 00:30:09,959
Right.

535
00:30:10,192 --> 00:30:11,926
That be Lando, the pious.

536
00:30:11,927 --> 00:30:13,462
Watch him in battle...
Complete weasel,

537
00:30:13,463 --> 00:30:14,564
but entertaining.

538
00:30:15,264 --> 00:30:16,532
You'll see.

539
00:30:16,533 --> 00:30:17,866
Sir Gunther, the mighty.

540
00:30:17,867 --> 00:30:19,934
Head case with a big stick.

541
00:30:19,935 --> 00:30:22,237
He is unique and crazy.

542
00:30:22,238 --> 00:30:23,339
JOE: And...

543
00:30:24,073 --> 00:30:25,474
ERIC: And Guinevere the fearless,

544
00:30:25,475 --> 00:30:28,544
who's plus-three ass perfection
should keep the memory

545
00:30:28,545 --> 00:30:30,879
of She Who Shall Not
Be Mentioned at bay.

546
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:31,981
Plus-three?

547
00:30:32,882 --> 00:30:34,652
Clearly you underestimate
my endowments.

548
00:30:35,485 --> 00:30:36,946
(MONKEY-LIKE GRUNTING AND WHOOPING)

549
00:30:38,722 --> 00:30:40,922
Look, your party has
disturbed a nest!

550
00:30:40,923 --> 00:30:42,157
Demon apes!

551
00:30:42,158 --> 00:30:43,424
What the fuck?

552
00:30:43,425 --> 00:30:44,694
Play on!

553
00:30:47,229 --> 00:30:49,901
One of the beasts deals Sir Hung
the Glutinous a stunning blow!

554
00:30:55,605 --> 00:30:56,706
(LAUGHING AND GRUNTING)

555
00:30:57,808 --> 00:30:59,076
LANDO: Haha!

556
00:31:01,611 --> 00:31:03,714
Great way to spend the weekend.

557
00:31:04,146 --> 00:31:06,918
Sweating my balls off
in a monkey outfit.

558
00:31:08,350 --> 00:31:10,220
I don't know where the hell I am.

559
00:31:12,288 --> 00:31:13,389
(PINES CRACKING)

560
00:31:14,256 --> 00:31:15,323
Wha...

561
00:31:15,324 --> 00:31:16,424
Who's there?

562
00:31:16,425 --> 00:31:18,730
Hello, apelings?

563
00:31:25,468 --> 00:31:27,536
- Dude... Joe! Little help here.
- Huh?

564
00:31:27,537 --> 00:31:30,271
Help us kill some freaking apes!

565
00:31:30,272 --> 00:31:32,042
You here for the LARP?

566
00:31:33,442 --> 00:31:36,982
The live, the LARP?

567
00:31:40,115 --> 00:31:41,483
Do you maybe have a map?

568
00:31:41,484 --> 00:31:43,652
(SNIFFING)
Oh, wow.

569
00:31:43,653 --> 00:31:47,727
'Cause I, um... I sort
of lost my way.

570
00:31:49,659 --> 00:31:52,096
Got separated from the group.

571
00:31:56,867 --> 00:31:58,837
Oh... kay.

572
00:32:02,505 --> 00:32:04,140
Jobryeth!

573
00:32:08,678 --> 00:32:12,284
Gonna... kill... your...
monkey... asses!

574
00:32:12,915 --> 00:32:14,683
Jobryeth takes a lethal
strike to the back!

575
00:32:14,684 --> 00:32:15,917
Huh?

576
00:32:15,918 --> 00:32:18,122
- Bullshit... 'Tis a lie!
- Halt!

577
00:32:20,189 --> 00:32:22,924
Game master saw a palpable
hit and an unconscious man

578
00:32:22,925 --> 00:32:24,593
throwing weaponry... weaponry
that is beyond the expertise

579
00:32:24,594 --> 00:32:26,029
of your lowly character.

580
00:32:27,898 --> 00:32:30,833
I don't understand what you
said, but I'm gonna sit down.

581
00:32:30,834 --> 00:32:32,369
Three, two, one, play on!

582
00:32:34,905 --> 00:32:37,506
Got separated from my group.

583
00:32:37,507 --> 00:32:38,574
You too?

584
00:32:38,575 --> 00:32:42,348
Uh, well, maybe then we should
stick together and both look.

585
00:32:43,345 --> 00:32:44,446
Oh.

586
00:32:44,947 --> 00:32:46,749
Oh, wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute.

587
00:32:46,750 --> 00:32:49,951
If this is some sort of Fury
fetish, then I don't mind at all!

588
00:32:49,952 --> 00:32:51,053
Oh wow!

589
00:32:51,721 --> 00:32:52,989
Oh wow!

590
00:32:53,890 --> 00:32:56,327
(FRENZIED BREATHING)

591
00:32:59,596 --> 00:33:02,400
Oh, okay, sure.

592
00:33:05,434 --> 00:33:07,872
From the ground,
thy wounds be bound.

593
00:33:08,571 --> 00:33:10,407
Regeneration spell successful!

594
00:33:13,275 --> 00:33:15,178
Still thy tongue lest I remove it!

595
00:33:16,947 --> 00:33:18,215
Lightning bolt!

596
00:33:19,749 --> 00:33:20,982
Lightning bolt!

597
00:33:20,983 --> 00:33:22,317
You my bitch... Ow!

598
00:33:22,318 --> 00:33:23,754
Same side, same side!

599
00:33:23,887 --> 00:33:25,253
Be gone, demon apes!

600
00:33:25,254 --> 00:33:27,726
(GROWLING)

601
00:33:31,293 --> 00:33:32,562
Oh shit.

602
00:33:34,564 --> 00:33:35,665
Damn.

603
00:33:38,568 --> 00:33:39,635
(GROANING)

604
00:33:39,636 --> 00:33:41,135
Lando has been dealt
a mortal blow.

605
00:33:41,136 --> 00:33:44,910
'Tis a lie... I had a spell
of simian protection up.

606
00:33:45,274 --> 00:33:47,377
Fine, kill the brown guy first.

607
00:33:48,143 --> 00:33:49,244
(GRUNTING)

608
00:33:55,986 --> 00:33:57,820
The great ape has been vanquished!

609
00:33:57,821 --> 00:33:58,922
Huzzah!

610
00:33:59,254 --> 00:34:00,355
Yeah.

611
00:34:00,623 --> 00:34:02,791
Now remember, before
convening at the battle,

612
00:34:02,792 --> 00:34:04,895
this party has a quest to
loot the temple of Syrinx

613
00:34:04,995 --> 00:34:07,496
which needeth completion, so...

614
00:34:07,497 --> 00:34:09,665
Perhaps the party should split
up for to cover more ground.

615
00:34:09,666 --> 00:34:11,099
Capital idea, Sir Lando.

616
00:34:11,100 --> 00:34:13,769
Take Sir Hung the Capable
and explore yon forest

617
00:34:13,770 --> 00:34:15,269
for the fabled temple.

618
00:34:15,270 --> 00:34:17,973
Verily... We shall meet thee
at Evermore if not before.

619
00:34:17,974 --> 00:34:19,541
Godspeed to you and thine servant.

620
00:34:19,542 --> 00:34:20,809
Servant?

621
00:34:20,810 --> 00:34:22,043
I'm an apprentice.

622
00:34:22,044 --> 00:34:23,312
Fucketh you very much.

623
00:34:23,513 --> 00:34:24,613
Easy.

624
00:34:24,614 --> 00:34:27,683
I beseech thee to give him
wide berth as he is pained

625
00:34:27,684 --> 00:34:29,183
by a riven heart torn asunder

626
00:34:29,184 --> 00:34:31,553
by the cruelty of an untrue maiden.

627
00:34:31,554 --> 00:34:33,287
Enough with that shit, please.

628
00:34:33,288 --> 00:34:34,523
Easy, my liege.

629
00:34:34,524 --> 00:34:37,061
I told these guys
that thou were cool.

630
00:34:41,531 --> 00:34:42,632
Ah, at last.

631
00:34:43,500 --> 00:34:46,271
The simpletons and heretics
have left our brotherhood.

632
00:34:47,971 --> 00:34:50,304
However, it occureth to
me that mine apprentice

633
00:34:50,305 --> 00:34:51,406
has forgotten something.

634
00:34:51,708 --> 00:34:52,809
Yo?

635
00:34:53,043 --> 00:34:55,815
Thou must return to the
kingdom of Eliphaz.

636
00:34:56,378 --> 00:34:58,783
- Uh...
- Parking lot.

637
00:34:59,248 --> 00:35:00,349
Parking lot.

638
00:35:00,382 --> 00:35:03,251
And fetch the amulet of
Kokun from our transport,

639
00:35:03,252 --> 00:35:06,688
for it shall be needed at
the battle of Evermore.

640
00:35:06,689 --> 00:35:09,527
So go to the parking lot to
get something you forgot.

641
00:35:12,094 --> 00:35:13,362
Aye.

642
00:35:14,363 --> 00:35:16,698
I shall join you on your mission.

643
00:35:16,699 --> 00:35:19,535
The forest is no place for
an unarmed adventurer.

644
00:35:19,536 --> 00:35:20,769
Let's go.

645
00:35:20,770 --> 00:35:22,205
Act... It's this way.

646
00:35:24,173 --> 00:35:25,541
JOE: Yes.

647
00:35:25,542 --> 00:35:26,643
(GROWLING)

648
00:35:32,849 --> 00:35:34,017
Hey, man.

649
00:35:36,285 --> 00:35:37,719
ANNOUNCER: Attention all teams.

650
00:35:37,720 --> 00:35:41,056
Upon completion of your quests,
you may head to the battlefield

651
00:35:41,057 --> 00:35:43,191
to prepare your camp for the night.

652
00:35:43,192 --> 00:35:46,061
But as always, be on guard
for the evil scourge

653
00:35:46,062 --> 00:35:47,497
from beyond our borders.

654
00:35:48,397 --> 00:35:50,899
You know, those redneck
paintball jerks who crashed

655
00:35:50,900 --> 00:35:52,670
our centaur hunt last week.

656
00:35:52,969 --> 00:35:55,239
Prithee, take care.

657
00:35:57,073 --> 00:35:58,174
(JINGLING)

658
00:35:59,374 --> 00:36:00,441
(CRACKING)

659
00:36:00,442 --> 00:36:03,214
Is that you, fellow
denizens of Elves' realms?

660
00:36:03,947 --> 00:36:06,050
Speakers of Elvish?

661
00:36:23,133 --> 00:36:25,571
Um, do you have a map maybe?

662
00:36:26,636 --> 00:36:28,071
Do I know you?

663
00:36:29,072 --> 00:36:31,175
Are you here for the LARP?

664
00:36:31,841 --> 00:36:35,948
Was it the robes or the pointy
ears that gave it away?

665
00:36:36,146 --> 00:36:40,588
'Cause I sort of lost my way and
got separated from the group.

666
00:36:40,917 --> 00:36:42,018
Oh, no.

667
00:36:42,519 --> 00:36:45,290
You're one of those freaky
vampire LARPers, right?

668
00:36:45,488 --> 00:36:46,589
Wrong weekend, honey.

669
00:36:47,690 --> 00:36:49,459
I don't mind at all.

670
00:36:50,359 --> 00:36:51,460
(SCOFFING)

671
00:36:51,461 --> 00:36:55,702
I think thou art marching down
the wrong battlefield, sweetie.

672
00:36:56,533 --> 00:36:58,703
Now if you'll excuse me.

673
00:36:59,602 --> 00:37:00,703
(ROARING)

674
00:37:14,150 --> 00:37:16,387
(COYOTE BAYING)

675
00:37:19,889 --> 00:37:21,823
If I didn't know better, Jobryeth,

676
00:37:21,824 --> 00:37:23,859
I'd say you were
having fun back there.

677
00:37:23,860 --> 00:37:25,295
Ooh, no I wasn't.

678
00:37:27,163 --> 00:37:28,497
Okay, a little.

679
00:37:28,498 --> 00:37:29,998
But you can't tell anyone.

680
00:37:29,999 --> 00:37:31,100
(GWEN LAUGHING)

681
00:37:31,634 --> 00:37:35,369
I wouldn't even know what LARP
was if it weren't for Gunther.

682
00:37:35,370 --> 00:37:37,473
He's a little hardcore with this.

683
00:37:38,575 --> 00:37:41,346
Well, at least you're supporting
your boyfriend's interests.

684
00:37:41,410 --> 00:37:43,180
- A lot of girls...
- Boyfriend?

685
00:37:43,412 --> 00:37:44,513
God, no.

686
00:37:46,082 --> 00:37:47,484
Gunther's my cousin.

687
00:37:49,485 --> 00:37:52,590
He's a good kid, but he
never breaks character.

688
00:37:53,022 --> 00:37:54,123
Whoa, whoa, wait.

689
00:37:55,491 --> 00:37:56,926
He never breaks character?

690
00:37:57,093 --> 00:38:00,532
He truly believes he's in
another time and a place.

691
00:38:01,497 --> 00:38:03,232
(LAUGHING)

692
00:38:03,233 --> 00:38:06,001
But his folks don't let him
come to these things alone.

693
00:38:06,002 --> 00:38:07,437
So you're warrior-sitting then?

694
00:38:07,870 --> 00:38:10,606
Well, after the Medieval
Times incident,

695
00:38:10,607 --> 00:38:14,243
I seem to be the only
one he listens to.

696
00:38:14,244 --> 00:38:15,680
The Medieval Times incident?

697
00:38:18,948 --> 00:38:21,485
Mom thought it would be
cute to take him there.

698
00:38:22,417 --> 00:38:25,386
He jumped the wall and sent the
Red Knight to the hospital.

699
00:38:25,387 --> 00:38:26,488
(LAUGHING)

700
00:38:26,923 --> 00:38:28,024
Sorry.

701
00:38:28,423 --> 00:38:30,059
Not funny.

702
00:38:33,428 --> 00:38:34,529
(GROWLING)

703
00:38:41,271 --> 00:38:43,475
I've got this.

704
00:39:14,971 --> 00:39:16,072
(GROANING)

705
00:39:16,673 --> 00:39:19,210
Ooh!

706
00:39:23,412 --> 00:39:25,082
Um, miss.

707
00:39:27,817 --> 00:39:28,918
JOE: The fuck?

708
00:39:30,753 --> 00:39:33,324
Spell of protection.

709
00:39:34,457 --> 00:39:35,558
It's too late.

710
00:39:36,292 --> 00:39:37,393
Drop.

711
00:39:38,161 --> 00:39:39,764
To the nether realms.

712
00:39:41,497 --> 00:39:43,901
(GROANING)

713
00:39:54,977 --> 00:39:56,446
My lady?

714
00:40:00,983 --> 00:40:02,485
Very impressive.

715
00:40:05,221 --> 00:40:07,155
All I'm saying is we'll be
taken more seriously

716
00:40:07,156 --> 00:40:09,624
if we refer to
ourselves as sprites.

717
00:40:09,625 --> 00:40:11,292
Can we please stay in character?

718
00:40:11,293 --> 00:40:12,861
You guys sound like a
bunch of little girls.

719
00:40:12,862 --> 00:40:14,329
If anyone would know
about little girls...

720
00:40:14,330 --> 00:40:15,396
Okay.

721
00:40:15,397 --> 00:40:17,199
I tried to handle this in
private, but if you wanna

722
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:19,634
do this here and now,
standing in the woods,

723
00:40:19,635 --> 00:40:21,972
dressed like fucking
fairies, so be it.

724
00:40:22,004 --> 00:40:24,441
Lo, perhaps thou art
having thine monthlies.

725
00:40:25,341 --> 00:40:26,575
Out of game.

726
00:40:26,576 --> 00:40:28,011
Out of game? Okay.

727
00:40:28,410 --> 00:40:30,513
Fine... What the
hell's your problem?

728
00:40:30,580 --> 00:40:32,714
You're the one who
wanted to experiment.

729
00:40:32,715 --> 00:40:35,183
Don't blame me if you can't
handle the consequences.

730
00:40:35,184 --> 00:40:37,085
It was fine as long as
it was all about you,

731
00:40:37,086 --> 00:40:38,720
but heaven forbid I enjoy it.

732
00:40:38,721 --> 00:40:40,490
You saw her without me.

733
00:40:40,857 --> 00:40:42,824
That wasn't part of the deal.

734
00:40:42,825 --> 00:40:44,027
I'm heading back to camp.

735
00:40:44,761 --> 00:40:45,861
Go.

736
00:40:45,862 --> 00:40:49,801
Someday someone's gonna tear your heart
out and you'll know exactly how I feel.

737
00:40:51,100 --> 00:40:52,201
Sprites!

738
00:40:52,869 --> 00:40:54,304
Let's fly.

739
00:41:17,126 --> 00:41:18,227
(GASPING)

740
00:41:25,401 --> 00:41:26,502
(GASPING)

741
00:41:30,606 --> 00:41:32,709
You look like one of those...

742
00:41:32,742 --> 00:41:35,714
freaky vampire LARPers.

743
00:41:41,250 --> 00:41:43,020
Maybe we should stick together.

744
00:41:45,888 --> 00:41:47,825
Maybe.

745
00:42:01,504 --> 00:42:05,578
(MOANING)

746
00:42:13,115 --> 00:42:14,885
(TEARING, GASPING MOANS)

747
00:42:26,863 --> 00:42:31,772
(SCREAMING)

748
00:42:45,114 --> 00:42:46,215
(TAPING)

749
00:42:46,949 --> 00:42:49,718
As you approach the Exalted
Township of Valinore,

750
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:53,826
you notice that your own path
intersect <i>♪ with another ♪.</i>

751
00:42:56,292 --> 00:42:57,928
(WIND WHISTLES)

752
00:42:58,495 --> 00:43:01,229
Sir Hung, he is rustling
just across the way.

753
00:43:01,230 --> 00:43:04,002
I can hear the breeze on my skin.

754
00:43:05,234 --> 00:43:06,837
'Tis burnt orange.

755
00:43:08,070 --> 00:43:09,337
Bad at English.

756
00:43:09,338 --> 00:43:10,572
The fuck's he saying?

757
00:43:10,573 --> 00:43:11,840
I don't know.

758
00:43:11,841 --> 00:43:13,944
There is electricity in the air.

759
00:43:15,978 --> 00:43:18,580
Okay, Ronnie, so if he goes insane,
can I inherit his experience points?

760
00:43:18,581 --> 00:43:19,680
You're obsessed with
experience points.

761
00:43:19,681 --> 00:43:21,182
No, let's not talk about that now.

762
00:43:21,183 --> 00:43:22,417
I'm just saying, that's
a waste of experience.

763
00:43:22,418 --> 00:43:23,685
I can use it.

764
00:43:23,686 --> 00:43:26,290
Still thy cowardly tongue.

765
00:43:27,558 --> 00:43:29,093
Oh, holy shit.

766
00:43:30,826 --> 00:43:32,929
HUNG: Prepare thineself
for battle, witch.

767
00:43:33,930 --> 00:43:35,363
Do I know you?

768
00:43:35,364 --> 00:43:37,265
All right, Hung, I don't
know what you're on,

769
00:43:37,266 --> 00:43:38,433
but I think it's
clouding your judgment.

770
00:43:38,434 --> 00:43:40,204
- She looks...
- Nay, game master.

771
00:43:41,572 --> 00:43:45,646
The scales have finally
fallen from mine eyes.

772
00:43:52,882 --> 00:43:54,317
Miss, are you okay?

773
00:43:54,951 --> 00:43:56,217
Have you been in an accident?

774
00:43:56,218 --> 00:43:57,453
'Tis no accident!

775
00:43:57,454 --> 00:43:58,555
Go no closer!

776
00:43:59,456 --> 00:44:02,458
Although I have gazed
upon thine visage before,

777
00:44:02,459 --> 00:44:05,894
'tis only by the light of yon moon

778
00:44:05,895 --> 00:44:10,466
hast thou true nature
revealed itself!

779
00:44:10,467 --> 00:44:13,134
Okay, Hung, ease up there, buddy.
I think she really needs some help.

780
00:44:13,135 --> 00:44:15,036
Excuse me, my lady, do you
really need some help?

781
00:44:15,037 --> 00:44:19,040
Fuck you and the moustache
you rode in on!

782
00:44:19,041 --> 00:44:20,142
(SCREAMING)

783
00:44:23,312 --> 00:44:24,413
(GRUNTING)

784
00:44:26,315 --> 00:44:27,583
RONNIE: Oh, fuck!

785
00:44:27,584 --> 00:44:29,386
I'm... outta here.

786
00:44:34,924 --> 00:44:36,025
(GROWLING)

787
00:44:50,439 --> 00:44:51,507
(GROWLING)

788
00:44:51,508 --> 00:44:55,949
'Tis a cruel act of the gods to
waste such a sweet backside...

789
00:44:57,747 --> 00:45:00,384
on such a filthy beast.

790
00:45:04,253 --> 00:45:06,056
(GASPING)

791
00:45:14,430 --> 00:45:16,568
(GASPING)

792
00:45:22,104 --> 00:45:23,205
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

793
00:45:56,540 --> 00:45:57,908
(AIR DYER BLOWING)

794
00:46:30,773 --> 00:46:31,874
(GROWLING)

795
00:46:33,109 --> 00:46:34,210
(THUDDING)

796
00:46:36,580 --> 00:46:37,681
(GASPING)

797
00:46:42,586 --> 00:46:45,290
(SCREAMING)

798
00:46:48,290 --> 00:46:49,893
It gets me every time.

799
00:46:50,627 --> 00:46:51,728
Huh.

800
00:46:52,194 --> 00:46:53,295
Come here.

801
00:47:01,070 --> 00:47:03,238
The noise came from
around here somewhere.

802
00:47:03,239 --> 00:47:04,909
Just keep your wits.

803
00:47:14,416 --> 00:47:15,685
Oh God.

804
00:47:17,419 --> 00:47:21,326
Oh lord, he's dead.

805
00:47:27,062 --> 00:47:28,163
Oh shit.

806
00:47:31,568 --> 00:47:32,669
What the hell?

807
00:47:36,071 --> 00:47:37,172
I don't understand.

808
00:47:39,643 --> 00:47:41,409
All right, we gotta keep going.

809
00:47:41,410 --> 00:47:45,079
We gotta get Eric, your crazy
cousin and call the cops.

810
00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:46,181
(BANGING)

811
00:47:47,917 --> 00:47:50,221
GWEN: What was that?

812
00:47:53,824 --> 00:47:55,894
Shit.

813
00:47:58,961 --> 00:48:00,731
Joe, what are you doing?

814
00:48:00,797 --> 00:48:02,232
There's someone in there.

815
00:48:02,833 --> 00:48:04,770
I know, that's what
I'm worried about.

816
00:48:27,323 --> 00:48:28,424
(THUDDING)

817
00:48:31,026 --> 00:48:32,360
You're not gonna
sing, Joe, are you?

818
00:48:32,361 --> 00:48:33,462
What?

819
00:48:33,697 --> 00:48:35,667
Tell me you're not gonna sing.

820
00:48:38,234 --> 00:48:41,073
Not right now, baby.

821
00:48:52,849 --> 00:48:54,786
No, no, no.

822
00:48:55,518 --> 00:48:56,953
No, no, no, no!

823
00:48:57,319 --> 00:48:58,554
GWEN: Gunther!

824
00:48:58,555 --> 00:48:59,822
Gunther!

825
00:48:59,823 --> 00:49:00,924
Ease up!

826
00:49:01,257 --> 00:49:03,327
Stay your hand, mighty warlord.

827
00:49:05,261 --> 00:49:06,697
Evil has befallen him.

828
00:49:07,196 --> 00:49:08,632
His handiwork is all around us.

829
00:49:10,432 --> 00:49:13,137
We heard you and we thought
it might be whoever...

830
00:49:14,871 --> 00:49:16,373
did this.

831
00:49:23,078 --> 00:49:25,514
Where's... where's Ronnie?

832
00:49:25,515 --> 00:49:26,616
Lando?

833
00:49:27,884 --> 00:49:28,985
Do not enter.

834
00:49:29,952 --> 00:49:31,487
One cannot cheat death forever.

835
00:49:34,089 --> 00:49:35,190
(DRIPPING)

836
00:49:41,230 --> 00:49:43,635
This is not good.

837
00:49:47,871 --> 00:49:50,539
Joe, what the fuck
is going on here?

838
00:49:50,540 --> 00:49:51,774
I don't know what's going on.

839
00:49:51,775 --> 00:49:53,041
But I want to talk to Ronnie.

840
00:49:53,042 --> 00:49:54,275
Ronnie?

841
00:49:54,276 --> 00:49:56,745
You think Ronnie is
responsible for this?

842
00:49:56,746 --> 00:49:58,948
What am I supposed to think?

843
00:49:58,949 --> 00:50:01,386
You guys and your quest
for authenticity.

844
00:50:01,584 --> 00:50:02,818
Oh, come...

845
00:50:02,819 --> 00:50:04,085
Real weapons.

846
00:50:04,086 --> 00:50:05,187
In-game bullshit.

847
00:50:05,622 --> 00:50:06,889
Archaic books.

848
00:50:06,890 --> 00:50:08,993
Ugh, the evil book again, huh?

849
00:50:09,391 --> 00:50:11,259
It would surprise me not, "vizard,"

850
00:50:11,260 --> 00:50:13,595
if thou hath brought forth
something vile and unholy,

851
00:50:13,596 --> 00:50:15,129
a pox upon mankind.

852
00:50:15,130 --> 00:50:16,231
Gunther!

853
00:50:20,135 --> 00:50:21,637
We're out of game here, man.

854
00:50:21,638 --> 00:50:24,172
Somebody tell me what
the hell's going on here.

855
00:50:24,173 --> 00:50:25,943
Hell, indeed, is going on.

856
00:50:26,810 --> 00:50:29,014
The "vizard" has summoned evil.

857
00:50:30,613 --> 00:50:33,849
And most likely while thy apprentice was
in the circle, he has been made unholy.

858
00:50:33,850 --> 00:50:34,951
Gunther.

859
00:50:35,417 --> 00:50:37,318
I cannot tell you whether
'twas man or beast,

860
00:50:37,319 --> 00:50:40,421
but I can tell you surely
it was not Jobryeth.

861
00:50:40,422 --> 00:50:42,156
We need to get out of here.

862
00:50:42,157 --> 00:50:46,194
What we need to do is avenge the
poor souls taken here this eve.

863
00:50:46,195 --> 00:50:47,296
With what?

864
00:50:48,030 --> 00:50:49,131
Foam sticks?

865
00:50:49,699 --> 00:50:50,800
Jobryeth is right.

866
00:50:52,502 --> 00:50:55,607
We need weapons from my
private reserve of steel.

867
00:50:57,607 --> 00:50:58,708
Thou speakests Sense.

868
00:51:00,610 --> 00:51:02,379
Let us return to camp.

869
00:51:04,446 --> 00:51:05,547
And arm ourselves.

870
00:51:07,884 --> 00:51:13,895
While they call for help...
reinforcements.

871
00:51:17,059 --> 00:51:18,160
Very well.

872
00:51:20,530 --> 00:51:21,965
I am watching you.

873
00:51:21,998 --> 00:51:25,672
We all feel safer for that.

874
00:51:29,071 --> 00:51:30,639
(INSECTS CHIRPING)

875
00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:32,708
RONNIE: Oh fuckity fuck.

876
00:51:32,709 --> 00:51:34,646
Oh my... God!

877
00:51:35,045 --> 00:51:36,146
(SHRIEKING)

878
00:51:38,147 --> 00:51:39,248
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

879
00:51:40,850 --> 00:51:42,083
Get a hold of yourself, man.

880
00:51:42,084 --> 00:51:43,519
Get a hold of yourself, man!

881
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:45,587
What the fuck was that, man?

882
00:51:45,588 --> 00:51:47,188
Oh my God, she was not normal!

883
00:51:47,189 --> 00:51:50,294
She was like some kind
of she-beast from the...

884
00:51:51,326 --> 00:51:53,862
Oh, my sweet shit.

885
00:51:53,863 --> 00:51:55,764
Oh my sweet, sweet shit.

886
00:51:55,765 --> 00:51:57,432
Eric, you fucking asshole.

887
00:51:57,433 --> 00:51:59,203
I have to warn him.

888
00:51:59,869 --> 00:52:01,137
Where the fuck am I?

889
00:52:07,376 --> 00:52:09,146
They suck at making maps!

890
00:52:09,612 --> 00:52:12,183
Where the hell am I!

891
00:52:14,551 --> 00:52:16,852
Why is there no one here?

892
00:52:16,853 --> 00:52:18,288
Shouldn't someone be here?

893
00:52:18,455 --> 00:52:21,957
Come on, the best way for us to help
is to drive somewhere and get some.

894
00:52:21,958 --> 00:52:23,559
That's not what was agreed upon.

895
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:25,329
We were to seek vengeance.

896
00:52:25,628 --> 00:52:26,896
Where are the weapons?

897
00:52:29,632 --> 00:52:31,401
Weapons are in here, okay?

898
00:52:31,901 --> 00:52:33,503
Now come on, let's go.

899
00:52:42,311 --> 00:52:44,414
Where the fuck is my phone?

900
00:52:44,581 --> 00:52:45,747
Anyone?

901
00:52:45,748 --> 00:52:46,849
(SCREAMING)

902
00:52:47,617 --> 00:52:48,718
Sweet Jesus, Man.

903
00:52:50,587 --> 00:52:51,688
Sorry, dude.

904
00:52:51,988 --> 00:52:55,093
There's some weird shit
going on out there, man.

905
00:52:55,290 --> 00:52:56,592
Oh... kay.

906
00:52:56,593 --> 00:52:57,826
We gotta call 9-1-1.

907
00:52:57,827 --> 00:52:59,227
Do you have a cell phone?

908
00:52:59,228 --> 00:53:01,329
9-1-1 is just gonna
route a cell call.

909
00:53:01,330 --> 00:53:04,766
What you ought to do is call the
Sky Valley Sheriff directly.

910
00:53:04,767 --> 00:53:06,536
I can get the number.

911
00:53:07,436 --> 00:53:09,437
Call Sky Valley Sheriff.

912
00:53:09,438 --> 00:53:11,041
(DIALING)

913
00:53:14,243 --> 00:53:16,547
(PHONE RINGING)

914
00:53:18,781 --> 00:53:20,281
MAN: Sky Valley Sheriff.

915
00:53:20,282 --> 00:53:22,450
GWEN: There's been an accident
at the state park campgrounds.

916
00:53:22,451 --> 00:53:23,819
You gotta get here
as soon as you can.

917
00:53:23,820 --> 00:53:25,419
MAN: Hold up now...
What kind of accident?

918
00:53:25,420 --> 00:53:26,954
Well, there's this
LARP event going on...

919
00:53:26,955 --> 00:53:28,624
Wait a minute, LARP like,
like dressed up

920
00:53:28,625 --> 00:53:31,359
- like wizards and shit?
- Yeah, like that.

921
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:32,794
But this is serious.

922
00:53:32,795 --> 00:53:35,998
It wasn't just one of those paintballer
pranks, people are in danger.

923
00:53:35,999 --> 00:53:37,633
You stay put...
We'll be right there.

924
00:53:37,634 --> 00:53:38,735
Oh, thank god.

925
00:53:39,969 --> 00:53:41,070
Tommy!

926
00:53:41,471 --> 00:53:43,038
Tommy, get your ass up.

927
00:53:43,039 --> 00:53:44,642
We gotta get going.

928
00:53:45,374 --> 00:53:48,881
(PHONE DIALING)

929
00:53:52,515 --> 00:53:53,616
Hey, Randy.

930
00:53:54,117 --> 00:53:55,553
Rise and shine, buddy.

931
00:53:55,685 --> 00:53:58,319
We got a cold dish of get
back that needs serving.

932
00:53:58,320 --> 00:53:59,688
Get your cousin and get your gear.

933
00:53:59,689 --> 00:54:01,659
Imma pick you up in 10.

934
00:54:11,701 --> 00:54:15,070
MAN: Whoa, this does not look
like regulation game play.

935
00:54:15,071 --> 00:54:17,806
Are you guys out of game or not?

936
00:54:17,807 --> 00:54:21,246
We're so far outta game,
we're somehow back in it.

937
00:54:21,410 --> 00:54:23,679
I thought you said
there were bodies.

938
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:25,180
What are you guys up to?

939
00:54:25,181 --> 00:54:26,682
Where be the game master?

940
00:54:26,683 --> 00:54:29,120
Where be our hordes
for glorious combat?

941
00:54:29,519 --> 00:54:31,920
Everyone else completed their
mission and camped out

942
00:54:31,921 --> 00:54:33,020
on the battlefield.

943
00:54:33,021 --> 00:54:34,489
Are you guys gonna camp

944
00:54:34,490 --> 00:54:36,927
- or just stay up all night?
- Right.

945
00:54:37,994 --> 00:54:40,729
I must fight the
evil at its source!

946
00:54:40,730 --> 00:54:41,831
(GROWLING)

947
00:54:42,565 --> 00:54:43,666
Gunther!

948
00:54:44,234 --> 00:54:45,335
(YELLING)

949
00:54:46,335 --> 00:54:48,670
You guys are on another planet.

950
00:54:48,671 --> 00:54:50,872
You know drugs are
off-limit out here.

951
00:54:50,873 --> 00:54:53,542
How far's the battlefield?
Ronnie Kwok's gonna hear about this.

952
00:54:53,543 --> 00:54:54,743
How far!

953
00:54:54,744 --> 00:54:55,844
Take it easy.

954
00:54:55,845 --> 00:54:57,615
That way through the forest.

955
00:54:58,615 --> 00:54:59,715
I'm out.

956
00:54:59,716 --> 00:55:00,817
Great.

957
00:55:01,050 --> 00:55:03,684
Now can we get the hell out of here?
You kidding?

958
00:55:03,685 --> 00:55:04,954
We can't leave Gunther.

959
00:55:08,390 --> 00:55:09,491
No.

960
00:55:10,392 --> 00:55:11,493
Joe.

961
00:55:12,095 --> 00:55:13,865
Goddamn it, Joe!

962
00:55:17,700 --> 00:55:20,972
(GROWLING, PANTING)

963
00:55:22,138 --> 00:55:25,010
Hey, what is that?

964
00:55:28,645 --> 00:55:32,017
Are they... I think they're...

965
00:55:35,251 --> 00:55:37,154
...is that Eddie?

966
00:55:38,955 --> 00:55:40,658
(GASPING, GROWLING)

967
00:55:42,959 --> 00:55:45,196
Beth?

968
00:55:47,096 --> 00:55:48,197
Beth!

969
00:55:48,564 --> 00:55:50,667
Holy shit, that's your
psychotic girlfriend?

970
00:55:51,067 --> 00:55:52,737
Ex-girlfriend.

971
00:55:56,606 --> 00:55:58,843
This is so fucked up.

972
00:56:01,611 --> 00:56:02,779
Guys.

973
00:56:05,315 --> 00:56:06,718
Dude, what...

974
00:56:08,484 --> 00:56:10,086
Hey.

975
00:56:10,520 --> 00:56:12,422
(GROANING)

976
00:56:13,923 --> 00:56:15,024
(GROWLING)

977
00:56:21,531 --> 00:56:22,797
I'll tell you what I see.

978
00:56:22,798 --> 00:56:24,099
Tell you what I see.

979
00:56:24,100 --> 00:56:25,201
- A warrior.
- Warrior.

980
00:56:25,601 --> 00:56:27,836
Who can't let go of his past.

981
00:56:27,837 --> 00:56:29,105
Oh shit.

982
00:56:30,640 --> 00:56:33,142
This has something to do with the
photo of me and Beth at Prom.

983
00:56:33,143 --> 00:56:34,375
ERIC: What?

984
00:56:34,376 --> 00:56:36,945
Yeah, in the book, the
fucking eBay book, man.

985
00:56:36,946 --> 00:56:39,281
What... Get the fuck out, man.

986
00:56:39,282 --> 00:56:41,983
No, I had the photo with me
when you summoned this...

987
00:56:41,984 --> 00:56:44,087
whatever this is with the book.

988
00:56:44,620 --> 00:56:47,156
Eric, use the book to send that
bitch back wherever she came from!

989
00:56:47,157 --> 00:56:48,389
I don't know how?

990
00:56:48,390 --> 00:56:51,162
I just picked a page
at random earlier.

991
00:56:51,961 --> 00:56:53,995
Well then, just pick another...

992
00:56:53,996 --> 00:56:56,768
pick another page and
hurry the fuck up.

993
00:56:57,066 --> 00:56:59,167
(RECITING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

994
00:56:59,168 --> 00:57:00,401
Sing it.

995
00:57:00,402 --> 00:57:01,503
Sing it, wizard.

996
00:57:01,738 --> 00:57:07,148
(SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

997
00:57:11,047 --> 00:57:16,958
(GROWLING, SINGING CONTINUES)

998
00:57:28,664 --> 00:57:29,898
ERIC: That was for Hung!

999
00:57:29,899 --> 00:57:31,167
Take that, bitch!

1000
00:57:31,367 --> 00:57:34,941
That was sung by
Eric the Enchanter.

1001
00:57:36,572 --> 00:57:37,873
(LAUGHING)

1002
00:57:37,874 --> 00:57:39,107
What?

1003
00:57:39,108 --> 00:57:40,376
You just let her get away.

1004
00:57:40,377 --> 00:57:41,477
Excuse me?

1005
00:57:42,178 --> 00:57:43,948
She just went off into the woods
to die like a wounded animal.

1006
00:57:44,514 --> 00:57:46,214
(SCREAMING)
RONNIE: Gimme the book.

1007
00:57:46,215 --> 00:57:47,316
- Fuck!
- God.

1008
00:57:48,217 --> 00:57:50,018
This is the "Sigillum Aemeth."
Where did you get this book?

1009
00:57:50,019 --> 00:57:51,253
Uh, why?

1010
00:57:51,254 --> 00:57:52,522
Shut up, never mind.

1011
00:57:56,559 --> 00:57:58,528
Did you read this page?

1012
00:58:00,530 --> 00:58:01,798
Um.

1013
00:58:03,599 --> 00:58:04,698
- Why?
- Did you read it?

1014
00:58:04,699 --> 00:58:06,469
Yes, yes... Holy fuck, yes.

1015
00:58:07,136 --> 00:58:10,472
We read it and it scared that
crazy chick back to hell

1016
00:58:10,473 --> 00:58:12,240
or wherever the fuck she came from.

1017
00:58:12,241 --> 00:58:14,609
If that doesn't get me to level
27, I don't know what will

1018
00:58:14,610 --> 00:58:15,877
Kwok, so why don't you pony up.

1019
00:58:15,878 --> 00:58:17,479
No, no, no, no, no, okay.

1020
00:58:17,480 --> 00:58:18,746
Now it makes sense.

1021
00:58:18,747 --> 00:58:19,981
JOE: It makes no sense.

1022
00:58:19,982 --> 00:58:21,249
It's gibberish...

1023
00:58:21,250 --> 00:58:22,351
It makes sense!

1024
00:58:22,652 --> 00:58:24,252
It makes sense that
you speak Enochian.

1025
00:58:24,253 --> 00:58:25,521
Enochian, what?

1026
00:58:26,122 --> 00:58:27,221
You made that up.

1027
00:58:27,222 --> 00:58:30,425
This is the "Sigillum Aemeth."
It is the only one of its kind.

1028
00:58:30,426 --> 00:58:33,463
It was handwritten in the 16th
Century by the mystic John Dee

1029
00:58:33,464 --> 00:58:35,664
and it has been lost
for generations.

1030
00:58:35,665 --> 00:58:36,765
Uh, bullshit.

1031
00:58:36,766 --> 00:58:39,501
It came from the internets,
not the 16th Century.

1032
00:58:39,502 --> 00:58:42,270
If you're tying to get out of
admitting how awesome I am...

1033
00:58:42,271 --> 00:58:45,640
John Dee was tying to summon
angels, but evil travels under

1034
00:58:45,641 --> 00:58:48,176
its own power and he
actually summoned demons

1035
00:58:48,177 --> 00:58:50,280
and the demons forged this book.

1036
00:58:50,813 --> 00:58:52,347
What are you saying, Kwok?

1037
00:58:52,348 --> 00:58:54,786
Dee tried to destroy,
but he couldn't.

1038
00:58:54,984 --> 00:58:58,086
So he sealed it and he hid it
deep underneath his manor estate

1039
00:58:58,087 --> 00:59:00,255
and it has been lost
for generations.

1040
00:59:00,256 --> 00:59:06,195
But here it is in your incapable hands
and you summoned a succubus from hell!

1041
00:59:06,996 --> 00:59:10,937
(PAINED HOWLING)

1042
00:59:20,810 --> 00:59:23,948
And then this last passage that
you read, the herald of Abominog.

1043
00:59:24,814 --> 00:59:28,884
And in the language lay the
name of the hell lord Abominog

1044
00:59:28,885 --> 00:59:32,659
and I hath spoken the name
and hell hath raineth down.

1045
00:59:33,990 --> 00:59:37,129
(GROWLING)

1046
00:59:39,829 --> 00:59:42,266
You didn't injure it,
you ignorant fuck!

1047
00:59:43,032 --> 00:59:44,735
You transformed it!

1048
00:59:49,205 --> 00:59:50,306
Sorry.

1049
00:59:51,508 --> 00:59:55,010
Transformed into what exactly?

1050
00:59:55,011 --> 00:59:58,918
(POUNDING AND RUMBLING)

1051
01:00:03,554 --> 01:00:06,626
(DISTANT UNEARTHLY YOWLING)

1052
01:00:07,857 --> 01:00:08,924
(GASPING)

1053
01:00:08,925 --> 01:00:10,026
What?

1054
01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:12,827
MAN: What the fuck was that?

1055
01:00:12,828 --> 01:00:13,929
I don't know.

1056
01:00:16,533 --> 01:00:17,634
Ronnie Kwok's dragon!

1057
01:00:18,569 --> 01:00:20,171
- Fuck... Fuck!
- Shit... Shit!

1058
01:00:20,670 --> 01:00:22,704
Oh my God, we overslept again.

1059
01:00:22,705 --> 01:00:23,939
It's time for Evermore.

1060
01:00:23,940 --> 01:00:25,401
- Come on.
- Grab the fucking horn.

1061
01:00:25,875 --> 01:00:28,076
The thing eats souls, you guys.

1062
01:00:28,077 --> 01:00:29,512
We are gonna die.

1063
01:00:30,246 --> 01:00:31,514
(HORN BLOWING)

1064
01:00:31,515 --> 01:00:32,747
Shit!

1065
01:00:32,748 --> 01:00:33,849
- Shit.
- JOE: What?

1066
01:00:34,283 --> 01:00:36,053
It's the horn of war.

1067
01:00:36,118 --> 01:00:38,856
It means that the battle of
Evermore is going to start

1068
01:00:38,888 --> 01:00:39,955
in 10 minutes.

1069
01:00:39,956 --> 01:00:42,390
Why now... It's like three
in the fucking morning.

1070
01:00:42,391 --> 01:00:43,858
It's not supposed to happen
for another few hours,

1071
01:00:43,859 --> 01:00:45,760
but Ira is a dick and did it early.

1072
01:00:45,761 --> 01:00:47,896
There's a LARPer
buffet on that field

1073
01:00:47,897 --> 01:00:51,470
and all those poor bastards
have are foam sticks.

1074
01:00:54,303 --> 01:00:55,403
(METAL SWISHING)

1075
01:00:55,404 --> 01:00:56,905
We have to save them.

1076
01:00:56,906 --> 01:00:58,306
Are you fucking nuts?

1077
01:00:58,307 --> 01:00:59,408
No.

1078
01:01:01,811 --> 01:01:04,382
I think I've done
enough damage already.

1079
01:01:05,247 --> 01:01:06,717
You... that thing...

1080
01:01:08,485 --> 01:01:09,586
That's real!

1081
01:01:10,487 --> 01:01:13,693
That thing slaughtered
our best friend.

1082
01:01:16,627 --> 01:01:18,396
You gonna let that stand?

1083
01:01:20,796 --> 01:01:23,331
You been out here
practicing this shit

1084
01:01:23,332 --> 01:01:25,202
every weekend for years.

1085
01:01:26,603 --> 01:01:27,704
Face it, man.

1086
01:01:28,104 --> 01:01:31,243
You've got everything
but you earned nothing.

1087
01:01:34,777 --> 01:01:36,580
Are you gonna hide from that then?

1088
01:01:36,581 --> 01:01:39,017
The way you hide from real life?

1089
01:01:40,316 --> 01:01:43,486
Or are you gonna man up

1090
01:01:43,487 --> 01:01:46,960
and avenge the death of our friend?

1091
01:02:03,839 --> 01:02:08,213
The time has come to
earn our valor, people.

1092
01:02:16,118 --> 01:02:17,219
(SWOOSHING)

1093
01:02:18,988 --> 01:02:20,089
(CLICKING)

1094
01:02:27,396 --> 01:02:28,497
(HISSING)

1095
01:02:31,367 --> 01:02:33,137
For Hung.

1096
01:02:41,310 --> 01:02:43,280
(ENGINE RUMBLING)

1097
01:02:53,089 --> 01:02:55,524
ANNOUNCER:
Steel thyselves, adventurers.

1098
01:02:55,525 --> 01:02:57,628
The time for battle is nigh.

1099
01:02:57,993 --> 01:02:59,894
The fate of the glorious
kingdom of Evermore

1100
01:02:59,895 --> 01:03:01,330
rests in the balance.

1101
01:03:02,566 --> 01:03:06,000
Two armies fighting for one prize...
bragging rights

1102
01:03:06,001 --> 01:03:08,438
on the Evermore LARP
Alliance message board.

1103
01:03:09,673 --> 01:03:10,774
Diamond starts speech.

1104
01:03:11,440 --> 01:03:12,876
He rouseth the troops.

1105
01:03:13,943 --> 01:03:16,211
I am well aware...

1106
01:03:16,212 --> 01:03:20,381
that words cannot
inspire courage...

1107
01:03:20,382 --> 01:03:24,219
render a timid army valiant.

1108
01:03:24,220 --> 01:03:27,757
And perhaps words are
unnecessary for you,

1109
01:03:27,758 --> 01:03:32,561
my brave lot, for there is
no timidity within you.

1110
01:03:32,562 --> 01:03:33,629
Oh, wow.

1111
01:03:33,630 --> 01:03:35,130
You know, I worked
with him last year.

1112
01:03:35,131 --> 01:03:36,699
He's got such a gift
for the theatrics.

1113
01:03:36,700 --> 01:03:37,932
Yes, he loves it.

1114
01:03:37,933 --> 01:03:40,135
- Oh, here goes Carey.
- Here goes.

1115
01:03:40,136 --> 01:03:43,371
Some of you are gentle
souls in peace,

1116
01:03:43,372 --> 01:03:45,874
but when that horn of battle blows,

1117
01:03:45,875 --> 01:03:48,580
we must disguise our fair nature...

1118
01:03:49,044 --> 01:03:51,813
Summon up our blood!

1119
01:03:51,814 --> 01:03:53,314
(CHEERING)

1120
01:03:53,315 --> 01:03:56,384
Draw up our most terrible aspect!

1121
01:03:56,385 --> 01:03:58,286
(ARMY ROARING, SLICING)

1122
01:03:58,287 --> 01:04:00,421
- Unleash our rage!
- Ahhh... Mother...

1123
01:04:00,422 --> 01:04:03,391
(CHEERING)
DIAMOND: Fortune is on our side,

1124
01:04:03,392 --> 01:04:06,394
but if that fickle bitch
should prove unjust...

1125
01:04:06,395 --> 01:04:07,463
(GROANING)

1126
01:04:07,464 --> 01:04:10,633
Then go down fighting like gods

1127
01:04:10,634 --> 01:04:13,769
and leave your enemies a bloody

1128
01:04:13,770 --> 01:04:15,970
and mournful victory

1129
01:04:15,971 --> 01:04:19,240
that tastes like ashes
in their mouths.

1130
01:04:19,241 --> 01:04:22,511
I covet only one thing.

1131
01:04:22,512 --> 01:04:24,780
Honor and victory!

1132
01:04:24,781 --> 01:04:25,882
(CHEERING)

1133
01:04:27,082 --> 01:04:29,117
Wait... Verily, that is two things.

1134
01:04:29,118 --> 01:04:30,418
(GROANING)

1135
01:04:30,419 --> 01:04:33,592
Join me in coveting
those same glories.

1136
01:04:34,123 --> 01:04:36,191
For if it be a sin,

1137
01:04:36,192 --> 01:04:42,498
let us be the most
offending soul... souls alive!

1138
01:04:42,499 --> 01:04:43,600
(CHEERING)

1139
01:04:44,668 --> 01:04:48,203
They shall curse themselves
for not being here,

1140
01:04:48,204 --> 01:04:51,507
for not being able to
say they fought with us

1141
01:04:51,508 --> 01:04:55,716
upon the fields of Evermore!
(CHEERING)

1142
01:05:05,555 --> 01:05:07,656
ANNOUNCER: Warriors are
reminded to remain honorable

1143
01:05:07,657 --> 01:05:09,190
in their combat.

1144
01:05:09,191 --> 01:05:10,961
No strikes to the codpiece.

1145
01:05:11,494 --> 01:05:13,629
Kwok's gonna be so
pissed he missed this.

1146
01:05:13,630 --> 01:05:14,896
No shit.

1147
01:05:14,897 --> 01:05:17,736
(ARMIES LOOSING BATTLE CRIES)

1148
01:05:18,735 --> 01:05:19,836
The horn bloweth.

1149
01:05:20,704 --> 01:05:23,609
The battle of Evermore has begun!

1150
01:05:26,342 --> 01:05:27,676
What the hell is that?

1151
01:05:27,677 --> 01:05:30,782
I kind... I lost the
official horn of battle.

1152
01:05:31,046 --> 01:05:34,786
This is the shofar
from my temple, so...

1153
01:05:36,853 --> 01:05:39,090
(HORN BLOWING WEAKLY)

1154
01:05:41,691 --> 01:05:43,493
Evermore.

1155
01:05:54,738 --> 01:05:55,871
Charge!

1156
01:05:55,872 --> 01:05:57,071
(CHEERING)

1157
01:05:57,072 --> 01:05:58,173
Charge!

1158
01:06:00,009 --> 01:06:01,744
ANNOUNCER: The battle is upon us.

1159
01:06:01,745 --> 01:06:04,884
Which army shall reap the
spoils of the conquest?

1160
01:06:05,180 --> 01:06:07,618
(SCREAMING)

1161
01:06:10,520 --> 01:06:12,189
(CRASHING AND HOWLING)

1162
01:06:18,461 --> 01:06:20,629
King Diamond's army
doth fight with valor

1163
01:06:20,630 --> 01:06:24,069
and opening a can of yon
whoop-ass upon their foes.

1164
01:06:42,117 --> 01:06:44,252
ANNOUNCER: The king's army
is holding their ground,

1165
01:06:44,253 --> 01:06:46,789
matching them hit
point for hit point.

1166
01:06:46,790 --> 01:06:47,957
Calling Ronnie's dragon.

1167
01:06:47,958 --> 01:06:50,061
Get the hell out here already.

1168
01:06:51,160 --> 01:06:52,930
ANNOUNCER: A dragon hath appeared.

1169
01:06:52,995 --> 01:06:55,430
A bounty of experience
points await the brave souls

1170
01:06:55,431 --> 01:06:57,833
who dare take on this
ferocious beast.

1171
01:06:57,834 --> 01:06:59,334
(MECHANICAL HOWLING, ENGINE REVVING)

1172
01:07:00,269 --> 01:07:02,771
And please, don't be
douchelords with the wings.

1173
01:07:02,772 --> 01:07:05,076
The papier mâché is still dying.

1174
01:07:07,142 --> 01:07:08,243
(LAUGHING)

1175
01:07:09,111 --> 01:07:10,379
This is the best!

1176
01:07:14,484 --> 01:07:15,585
(MECHANICAL HOWLING)

1177
01:07:16,586 --> 01:07:17,854
What was that?

1178
01:07:18,588 --> 01:07:19,689
(MECHANICAL HOWLING)

1179
01:07:20,457 --> 01:07:21,924
Those fuckers didn't wait for me!

1180
01:07:21,925 --> 01:07:23,926
It took us two weeks
to build that thing.

1181
01:07:23,927 --> 01:07:26,398
(DEMONIC GROWLING)

1182
01:07:27,630 --> 01:07:28,898
What was that?

1183
01:07:31,433 --> 01:07:33,036
Get points, you get points.

1184
01:07:36,338 --> 01:07:38,275
Run, puny humans!

1185
01:07:44,213 --> 01:07:45,312
That's perfect, that's perfect.

1186
01:07:45,313 --> 01:07:46,615
- Oh, let's get them.
- Hit this one.

1187
01:07:46,616 --> 01:07:50,051
Yeah.
(LAUGHING)

1188
01:07:50,052 --> 01:07:51,153
(MECHANICAL HOWLING)

1189
01:07:54,123 --> 01:07:55,189
Motherfuckers.

1190
01:07:55,190 --> 01:07:57,494
(ENGINE REVVING)

1191
01:08:03,332 --> 01:08:04,433
MAN: Yeah!

1192
01:08:05,735 --> 01:08:07,002
Oh yeah.

1193
01:08:07,003 --> 01:08:08,570
I got the crip.

1194
01:08:08,571 --> 01:08:10,005
(SCREAMING)

1195
01:08:10,006 --> 01:08:12,510
We're back, bitches... ha!

1196
01:08:14,343 --> 01:08:15,979
ANNOUNCER: These people
are not part of the game.

1197
01:08:15,980 --> 01:08:18,082
Repeat, not part of the game!

1198
01:08:18,414 --> 01:08:19,815
I'm so outta here.

1199
01:08:19,816 --> 01:08:22,551
Guild... Stand and fight
those red of neck!

1200
01:08:22,552 --> 01:08:25,020
Together, attack!

1201
01:08:25,021 --> 01:08:26,657
(CHEERING)

1202
01:08:29,759 --> 01:08:31,027
Triangulate!

1203
01:08:35,999 --> 01:08:37,933
Not so fast, Meals on Wheels.

1204
01:08:37,934 --> 01:08:39,937
(RAPID THWACKING, LAUGHING)

1205
01:08:41,704 --> 01:08:43,273
(DEMONIC HOWLING)

1206
01:08:44,239 --> 01:08:45,842
(RENDING, SCREAMING)

1207
01:08:47,777 --> 01:08:48,878
(SLICING)

1208
01:08:49,679 --> 01:08:52,483
(DEEP, GUTTURAL HOWLING)

1209
01:08:57,386 --> 01:08:59,356
(GUTTURAL HOWLING)

1210
01:09:00,790 --> 01:09:02,057
(SCREAMING)

1211
01:09:02,058 --> 01:09:03,159
(SLICING)

1212
01:09:04,060 --> 01:09:06,665
(ARMIES SCREAMING IN TERROR)

1213
01:09:18,808 --> 01:09:20,678
(WISPY YOWLING)

1214
01:09:30,820 --> 01:09:31,921
(WET SLICING)

1215
01:09:32,387 --> 01:09:33,522
(YELPING)
Oh God!

1216
01:09:37,226 --> 01:09:38,292
Did it see us?

1217
01:09:38,293 --> 01:09:39,393
I don't know.

1218
01:09:39,394 --> 01:09:41,162
(SOFT THUDDING, SCREAMING)

1219
01:09:41,163 --> 01:09:42,733
- What was that?
- I don't know.

1220
01:09:45,001 --> 01:09:46,635
- What's going on?
- What the hell?

1221
01:09:46,636 --> 01:09:48,739
MAN: Holy shit, what is that?

1222
01:09:49,772 --> 01:09:51,407
(HOWLING)

1223
01:09:53,242 --> 01:09:54,308
Fuck, fuck!

1224
01:09:54,309 --> 01:09:56,578
Holy shit!

1225
01:09:56,579 --> 01:09:58,014
- What the fuck!
- Shit!

1226
01:09:58,114 --> 01:09:59,549
(MECHANICAL HOWLING WINDS DOWN)

1227
01:10:00,850 --> 01:10:02,419
Oh shit!
(WET CRUNCHING)

1228
01:10:03,119 --> 01:10:04,889
(SCREAMING AND SOFT, WET THUDDING)

1229
01:10:05,822 --> 01:10:07,589
(DISTANT CRIES OF TERROR)

1230
01:10:07,590 --> 01:10:10,025
It's some sort of giant monster.

1231
01:10:10,026 --> 01:10:11,927
Looks maybe like a Batsu.

1232
01:10:11,928 --> 01:10:13,162
I don't know.

1233
01:10:13,163 --> 01:10:14,428
Maybe an Otyugh.

1234
01:10:14,429 --> 01:10:16,330
Or a Mind Flayer it
could be a rage Gollum.

1235
01:10:16,331 --> 01:10:18,834
Look, it's got the deadly tentacles,
just like the monster manual.

1236
01:10:18,835 --> 01:10:21,170
Shit, how is this even possible?
I don't know.

1237
01:10:21,171 --> 01:10:23,475
(SCREAMING, RAPID THWACKING)

1238
01:10:25,440 --> 01:10:26,875
(HOWLING)

1239
01:10:26,876 --> 01:10:28,579
Fuck this.

1240
01:10:31,881 --> 01:10:32,982
Fuckin' toy.

1241
01:10:35,051 --> 01:10:37,455
(GUTTURAL SHRIEKING, CRUNCHING)

1242
01:10:39,522 --> 01:10:40,789
(SCREAMING)

1243
01:10:40,790 --> 01:10:41,857
MAN: Fuck!

1244
01:10:41,858 --> 01:10:42,959
(WHIMPERING)

1245
01:10:44,561 --> 01:10:45,827
Fuck!

1246
01:10:45,828 --> 01:10:47,162
Okay.

1247
01:10:47,163 --> 01:10:49,131
Hold on... All right, I got a plan.

1248
01:10:49,132 --> 01:10:52,034
On the count of three, we're gonna
make a break for the path, all right?

1249
01:10:52,035 --> 01:10:53,504
One... hey, focus!

1250
01:10:53,970 --> 01:10:55,740
- Two.
- No, fuck this shit!

1251
01:10:56,472 --> 01:11:00,374
I am not moving another step until
somebody tells me what the hell...

1252
01:11:00,375 --> 01:11:01,877
(HOWLING, SCREAMING)

1253
01:11:01,878 --> 01:11:04,213
There's something really
terrible coming, you guys,

1254
01:11:04,214 --> 01:11:07,621
and we're here to save... Oh shit.

1255
01:11:11,988 --> 01:11:13,825
Oh... sh....

1256
01:11:18,061 --> 01:11:19,162
(GROWLING)

1257
01:11:19,996 --> 01:11:22,634
(ENGINE NOT TURNING OVER)

1258
01:11:24,601 --> 01:11:27,706
Gwen, if the world isn't
swallowed up into hell...

1259
01:11:30,073 --> 01:11:33,379
You wanna go see a show sometime?

1260
01:11:36,012 --> 01:11:37,715
Nice timing, warrior.

1261
01:11:40,883 --> 01:11:41,984
Sure.

1262
01:11:43,418 --> 01:11:44,886
Yeah... Yeah, sure.

1263
01:11:44,887 --> 01:11:46,456
A show would be good.

1264
01:11:48,224 --> 01:11:49,691
No, demon!

1265
01:11:49,692 --> 01:11:50,959
(CRUNCHING)

1266
01:11:50,960 --> 01:11:53,397
You shall not harm
this quivering boy!

1267
01:11:54,564 --> 01:11:55,631
(WHISTLING)

1268
01:11:55,632 --> 01:11:56,932
(GUTTURAL HOWLING)

1269
01:11:56,933 --> 01:11:58,200
Hey!

1270
01:11:58,201 --> 01:11:59,302
(ANGERED GROWLING)

1271
01:12:00,470 --> 01:12:02,239
- Thank you, mighty warrior!
- Yeah.

1272
01:12:04,439 --> 01:12:07,879
Hath though be Enochian?

1273
01:12:09,112 --> 01:12:11,182
(ENGINE NOT TURNING OVER)

1274
01:12:22,458 --> 01:12:25,195
Give us a smile, sweet cheeks.

1275
01:12:29,932 --> 01:12:31,166
(PAINED GRUNTING)
Oh yes!

1276
01:12:31,167 --> 01:12:32,268
Yes!

1277
01:12:34,270 --> 01:12:35,904
Fuck.

1278
01:12:35,905 --> 01:12:37,773
(EAR PIERCING YOWLING)
God, what is that?

1279
01:12:37,774 --> 01:12:39,543
Ahhh... What is that sound?

1280
01:12:41,010 --> 01:12:43,113
(GUTTURAL LAUGHING)
She's laughing at us.

1281
01:12:43,479 --> 01:12:45,381
Enough, you bitch!

1282
01:12:46,182 --> 01:12:47,283
Fuck.

1283
01:12:48,751 --> 01:12:51,019
Gotta find it, fuck.
(ENGINE NOT TURNING OVER)

1284
01:12:51,020 --> 01:12:52,487
Ronnie, wh-what are you doing?

1285
01:12:52,488 --> 01:12:53,754
I drive a hybrid, Eric.

1286
01:12:53,755 --> 01:12:55,190
There's no on button in this thing.

1287
01:12:55,191 --> 01:12:57,492
You can speak Enochian
but can't drive a truck?

1288
01:12:57,493 --> 01:12:58,827
It's not my fault.

1289
01:12:58,828 --> 01:13:00,829
Ronnie, I can't find the
spell, where is it?

1290
01:13:00,830 --> 01:13:02,098
It's in the back of the book!

1291
01:13:02,099 --> 01:13:03,465
I marked it clearly!

1292
01:13:03,466 --> 01:13:05,000
It is in the back!

1293
01:13:05,001 --> 01:13:06,868
Fuckin' find it, find it, fuck.
(ENGINE TURNING OVER)

1294
01:13:06,869 --> 01:13:08,537
Oh, hey, I got this going, guys.

1295
01:13:08,538 --> 01:13:09,973
(ENGINE REVVING, TIRES SCREECHING)

1296
01:13:11,307 --> 01:13:12,408
(GROWLING)

1297
01:13:17,146 --> 01:13:19,249
(BELLOWING)

1298
01:13:20,983 --> 01:13:23,352
(METAL RINGING, PAINED HOWLING)

1299
01:13:23,353 --> 01:13:25,654
This shall not hold
the beast for long!

1300
01:13:25,655 --> 01:13:26,756
(TIRES SCREECHING)

1301
01:13:29,158 --> 01:13:31,793
I got it, I got it, I got it!

1302
01:13:31,794 --> 01:13:34,633
(SINGING IN ENOCHIAN)

1303
01:13:36,966 --> 01:13:38,067
(GROWLING)

1304
01:13:44,874 --> 01:13:47,779
(ETHEREAL, HIGH-PITCHED HUMMING)

1305
01:13:48,544 --> 01:13:49,811
The gem!

1306
01:13:49,812 --> 01:13:50,913
The gem!

1307
01:13:59,655 --> 01:14:01,625
Choke on it.

1308
01:14:04,927 --> 01:14:06,295
No, watch out!

1309
01:14:16,606 --> 01:14:18,876
No!

1310
01:14:19,409 --> 01:14:22,782
I'm on fire!

1311
01:14:25,047 --> 01:14:27,852
I'm on fire!

1312
01:14:31,287 --> 01:14:32,921
Gwen, I need you!

1313
01:14:32,922 --> 01:14:34,023
(SCREAMING)

1314
01:14:37,794 --> 01:14:38,895
(TIRES SCREECHING)

1315
01:14:39,862 --> 01:14:41,096
You okay?

1316
01:14:41,097 --> 01:14:42,764
Why the fuck would you do that?

1317
01:14:42,765 --> 01:14:44,866
I'm gonna stop saving your lives

1318
01:14:44,867 --> 01:14:47,302
if you don't show me
some fucking gratitude!

1319
01:14:47,303 --> 01:14:48,770
Okay, okay, focus!

1320
01:14:48,771 --> 01:14:50,831
Where is the book that you
were just reading from?

1321
01:14:50,907 --> 01:14:52,407
- We need the book.
- ERIC: Fuck off.

1322
01:14:52,408 --> 01:14:53,608
- Well... Shit!
- No.

1323
01:14:53,609 --> 01:14:54,708
No, that's okay... This is good.

1324
01:14:54,709 --> 01:14:56,411
This is the gem we were...
Okay this is...

1325
01:14:56,412 --> 01:14:58,246
When he read the "Sigillum",
the gem glowed,

1326
01:14:58,247 --> 01:14:59,781
so that is the source of the power.

1327
01:14:59,782 --> 01:15:01,550
So the book is like an
instruction manual?

1328
01:15:01,551 --> 01:15:02,751
Yes!

1329
01:15:02,752 --> 01:15:05,189
But it's more like
a recipe booklet.

1330
01:15:05,555 --> 01:15:06,955
What does thou need?

1331
01:15:06,956 --> 01:15:10,058
I need a banishment spell
but the book is ruined,

1332
01:15:10,059 --> 01:15:11,293
so we don't have one!

1333
01:15:11,294 --> 01:15:12,761
I'll get your book.

1334
01:15:12,762 --> 01:15:14,999
Guys, whatever you're
doing, do it faster!

1335
01:15:16,432 --> 01:15:17,933
(GRUNTING)
Was it like a thing, like, uh...

1336
01:15:17,934 --> 01:15:20,401
I don't know, I can't remember!
There was a note key.

1337
01:15:20,402 --> 01:15:21,570
There was like a...
(SINGING RANDOM NOTE)

1338
01:15:21,571 --> 01:15:22,838
(BOTH SINGING RANDOM NOTES)

1339
01:15:22,839 --> 01:15:24,408
Game master!

1340
01:15:25,908 --> 01:15:27,678
Here be your spell!

1341
01:15:30,079 --> 01:15:32,482
Oh my God, fucking gambit!

1342
01:15:32,483 --> 01:15:33,918
It's a dead head!

1343
01:15:34,083 --> 01:15:35,317
ERIC: What does it say?

1344
01:15:35,318 --> 01:15:36,952
It's hot and it's so awful.

1345
01:15:36,953 --> 01:15:38,186
I can't...

1346
01:15:38,187 --> 01:15:39,455
Calm down now.

1347
01:15:39,456 --> 01:15:40,557
Calm down!

1348
01:15:41,424 --> 01:15:43,394
(SINGING IN ENOCHIAN)

1349
01:15:44,794 --> 01:15:46,462
(CAR STALLS)
Oh.

1350
01:15:46,463 --> 01:15:48,464
No, no, no, no, no.

1351
01:15:48,465 --> 01:15:49,531
Crap!

1352
01:15:49,532 --> 01:15:50,713
(GROWLING, METAL CRUNCHING)

1353
01:15:52,702 --> 01:15:54,639
(SINGING CONTINUES)

1354
01:15:57,106 --> 01:15:59,109
Ronnie!
(SINGING STOPS, GRUNTING)

1355
01:16:01,777 --> 01:16:03,780
It's up to you, Jobryeth.

1356
01:16:07,484 --> 01:16:08,585
(HOWLING, CRUNCHING)

1357
01:16:18,361 --> 01:16:19,494
JOE: Eric... Eric!

1358
01:16:19,495 --> 01:16:21,029
The gem combined with
signing, that's what makes

1359
01:16:21,030 --> 01:16:22,864
- the magic work, right?
- Fuck if I know, man.

1360
01:16:22,865 --> 01:16:25,367
Are you a wizard or not?
Yes, yes, yes.

1361
01:16:25,368 --> 01:16:26,804
It's definitely the catalyst.

1362
01:16:27,370 --> 01:16:28,703
I think this song will work...
Fire it up.

1363
01:16:28,704 --> 01:16:29,971
Track two.

1364
01:16:29,972 --> 01:16:31,240
Go.

1365
01:16:35,011 --> 01:16:36,112
(HOWLING)

1366
01:16:37,747 --> 01:16:40,184
<i>♪ Do you hear me hellspawn ♪</i>

1367
01:16:45,922 --> 01:16:48,694
<i>♪ Cast down into
thine dark crypt ♪</i>

1368
01:16:49,358 --> 01:16:52,727
<i>♪ Shadows of our dead minions ♪</i>

1369
01:16:52,728 --> 01:16:57,536
<i>♪ Drag thee into the abyss ♪</i>

1370
01:17:00,603 --> 01:17:01,870
What's he singing?

1371
01:17:01,871 --> 01:17:02,972
Sabbath?

1372
01:17:03,507 --> 01:17:04,574
Is it Motorhead?

1373
01:17:04,575 --> 01:17:07,012
No, that's a Dueling
Stalker original, son.

1374
01:17:07,410 --> 01:17:10,879
<i>♪ ...Rises bringing ♪</i>

1375
01:17:10,880 --> 01:17:12,650
<i>♪ His deadliest gifts ♪</i>

1376
01:17:13,883 --> 01:17:14,984
(HOWLING)

1377
01:17:16,185 --> 01:17:19,692
<i>♪ His soul is devoured in wrath ♪</i>

1378
01:17:20,089 --> 01:17:25,499
<i>♪ His dreams are alive
and yet twisted ♪</i>

1379
01:17:26,530 --> 01:17:28,633
<i>♪ In blood red eclipse ♪</i>

1380
01:17:31,033 --> 01:17:36,104
<i>♪ He is reborn in the dark light ♪</i>

1381
01:17:36,105 --> 01:17:38,907
It's working... It's working!

1382
01:17:38,908 --> 01:17:43,684
<i>♪ He instigates thy doom ♪</i>

1383
01:17:46,649 --> 01:17:53,221
<i>♪ Raven's wings turn
the sky to black ♪</i>

1384
01:17:53,222 --> 01:17:59,434
<i>♪ As he makes this
world thy tomb ♪</i>

1385
01:18:06,002 --> 01:18:09,004
<i>♪ Lifeless husk ♪</i>

1386
01:18:09,005 --> 01:18:13,408
<i>♪ Breath life from you ♪</i>

1387
01:18:13,409 --> 01:18:15,179
<i>♪ Raise your blade ♪</i>

1388
01:18:16,812 --> 01:18:19,917
<i>♪ Defeat the vile ♪</i>

1389
01:18:20,950 --> 01:18:26,628
<i>♪ Snake your heart asunder ♪</i>

1390
01:18:36,298 --> 01:18:37,768
(YOWLING)

1391
01:18:40,637 --> 01:18:44,507
<i>♪ Raven's wings turn the sky ♪</i>

1392
01:18:44,508 --> 01:18:45,608
Finish it!

1393
01:18:45,609 --> 01:18:47,142
<i>♪ To black ♪</i>

1394
01:18:47,143 --> 01:18:53,756
<i>♪ As he makes this world thy tomb ♪</i>

1395
01:19:00,156 --> 01:19:03,796
<i>♪ A sacrifice of my soul ♪</i>

1396
01:19:05,361 --> 01:19:07,796
<i>♪ Before ♪</i>

1397
01:19:07,797 --> 01:19:13,173
<i>♪ A blazing funeral
pyre for you ♪♪</i>

1398
01:19:19,241 --> 01:19:23,282
Drop to the nether realms, bitch.

1399
01:19:28,384 --> 01:19:31,089
You have questionable taste
in women, my friend.

1400
01:19:31,555 --> 01:19:32,656
Apparently.

1401
01:19:33,756 --> 01:19:37,195
But I have excellent taste
when it comes to music.

1402
01:19:37,860 --> 01:19:38,961
Apparently.

1403
01:19:46,135 --> 01:19:49,007
(METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

1404
01:19:51,575 --> 01:19:53,344
You're a terrible bass player!

1405
01:19:53,442 --> 01:19:55,647
I know, isn't it awesome?

1406
01:20:45,961 --> 01:20:48,064
<i>♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪</i>

1407
01:21:09,985 --> 01:21:11,086
<i>♪ Come on ♪</i>

1408
01:21:12,489 --> 01:21:14,258
<i>♪ At the gates ♪</i>

1409
01:21:15,492 --> 01:21:17,929
<i>♪ Yes it's now or never ♪</i>

1410
01:21:18,327 --> 01:21:20,397
<i>♪ A twist of fate ♪</i>

1411
01:21:20,996 --> 01:21:23,164
<i>♪ I've seen the bad get badder ♪</i>

1412
01:21:23,165 --> 01:21:25,903
<i>♪ Sleepless nights oh ♪</i>

1413
01:21:26,936 --> 01:21:29,039
<i>♪ I see nightmare creatures ♪</i>

1414
01:21:29,773 --> 01:21:31,475
<i>♪ Don't turn away ♪</i>

1415
01:21:32,509 --> 01:21:34,442
<i>♪ This is your adventure ♪</i>

1416
01:21:34,443 --> 01:21:40,956
<i>♪ Silent hero waiting
at the gates ♪</i>

1417
01:21:42,351 --> 01:21:43,452
<i>♪ Alone ♪</i>

1418
01:21:45,655 --> 01:21:49,629
<i>♪ At the gates alone ♪</i>

1419
01:21:52,562 --> 01:21:54,464
<i>♪ I come alive ♪</i>

1420
01:21:55,832 --> 01:21:58,467
<i>♪ In the heat of battle ♪</i>

1421
01:21:58,468 --> 01:22:00,571
<i>♪ I do or die ♪</i>

1422
01:22:01,337 --> 01:22:03,404
<i>♪ Spill the blood of your enemies ♪</i>

1423
01:22:03,405 --> 01:22:06,143
<i>♪ Sleepless nights oh ♪</i>

1424
01:22:07,076 --> 01:22:08,946
<i>♪ I see ghosts and demons ♪</i>

1425
01:22:10,045 --> 01:22:11,815
<i>♪ Such a life ♪</i>

1426
01:22:12,849 --> 01:22:14,683
<i>♪ This is your adventure ♪</i>

1427
01:22:14,684 --> 01:22:21,163
<i>♪ Saints and sinners
waiting at the gates ♪</i>

1428
01:22:22,592 --> 01:22:23,693
<i>♪ Alone ♪</i>

1429
01:22:25,227 --> 01:22:29,468
<i>♪ At the gates alone ♪</i>

1430
01:22:31,100 --> 01:22:34,737
<i>♪ At the gates
Yeah ♪</i>

1431
01:22:34,738 --> 01:22:37,105
<i>♪ Gates ♪</i>

1432
01:22:37,106 --> 01:22:41,280
<i>♪ Yeah
At the gates alone ♪</i>

1433
01:23:56,486 --> 01:23:58,255
<i>♪ At the gates ♪</i>

1434
01:23:59,121 --> 01:24:01,224
<i>♪ Don't look no further ♪</i>

1435
01:24:02,257 --> 01:24:04,360
<i>♪ I feel the rage ♪</i>

1436
01:24:05,094 --> 01:24:06,628
<i>♪ And the voices burning ♪</i>

1437
01:24:06,629 --> 01:24:09,601
<i>♪ In your soul yeah ♪</i>

1438
01:24:10,600 --> 01:24:12,637
<i>♪ You're a nightmare creature ♪</i>

1439
01:24:13,268 --> 01:24:15,371
<i>♪ And feel the pain ♪</i>

1440
01:24:16,205 --> 01:24:18,272
<i>♪ As it turns to pleasure ♪</i>

1441
01:24:18,273 --> 01:24:24,418
<i>♪ Death and glory
waiting at the gates ♪</i>

1442
01:24:26,016 --> 01:24:27,117
<i>♪ Alone ♪</i>

1443
01:24:28,852 --> 01:24:33,093
<i>♪ At the gates alone ♪</i>

1444
01:24:34,624 --> 01:24:37,526
<i>♪ At the gates ♪</i>

1445
01:24:37,527 --> 01:24:40,029
<i>♪ Yeah
Gates ♪</i>

1446
01:24:40,030 --> 01:24:44,104
<i>♪ Yeah
At the gates alone ♪</i>

1447
01:24:46,135 --> 01:24:49,341
<i>♪ At the gates ♪</i>

1448
01:24:51,875 --> 01:24:55,649
<i>♪ At the gates alone ♪</i>

1449
01:24:57,379 --> 01:25:00,415
<i>♪ At the gates ♪</i>

1450
01:25:00,416 --> 01:25:03,217
<i>♪ Yeah
Gates ♪</i>

1451
01:25:03,218 --> 01:25:06,220
<i>♪ Yeah
At the gates ♪</i>

1452
01:25:06,221 --> 01:25:09,491
<i>♪ Yeah
Gates ♪</i>

1453
01:25:09,492 --> 01:25:15,436
<i>♪ Yeah
At the gates ♪♪</i>