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(♪ "GOLDEN YEARS"
BY MARILYN MANSON PLAYING)
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♪ Golden years ♪
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♪ Gold
Whop whop whop ♪
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♪ Don't let me hear you say
Life's taking you nowhere ♪
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♪ Angel ♪
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♪ Come, get up, my baby ♪
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♪ Look at the sky
Life's begun ♪
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♪ The nights are warm
And the days are young ♪
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♪ Come, get up, my baby
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♪ There's my baby
Lost, that's all ♪
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♪ Once I'm beggin' you
Save her little soul ♪
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♪ Golden years ♪
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♪ Gold
Whop whop whop ♪
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♪ Come, get up, my baby ♪
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♪ Last night, they loved you ♪
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♪ Opening doors
And pulling some strings ♪
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♪ Angel ♪
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♪ Come, get up, my baby ♪
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♪ In walked luck
And you looked in time ♪
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♪ Never look back
Walk tall, act fine ♪
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♪ Come, get up, my baby ♪
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♪ I'll stick with you, baby
For a thousand years ♪
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♪ Nothing's gonna touch you
In these golden years ♪
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♪ Golden years ♪
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♪ Gold
Whop whop whop ♪
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♪ Come, get up, my baby ♪
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♪ Run for the shadows
Run for the shadows ♪
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♪ Run for the shadows
In these golden years ♪
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♪ Some of these days
And it won't be long ♪
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♪ Gonna drive back down
Where you once belonged ♪
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♪ In the back of
A dream car, 20-foot long ♪
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♪ Don't cry, my sweet
Don't break my heart ♪
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♪ Doin' all right
But you gotta get smart ♪
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♪ Wish upon wish upon
Day upon day ♪
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♪ I believe, O Lord
I believe all the way ♪
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♪ Look at my baby, lost
That's all ♪
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♪ Once I'm beggin' you
Save her little soul ♪
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Don't lose it.
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♪ Get up, my baby
Run for the shadows ♪
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♪ Run for the shadows
Run for the shadows ♪
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♪ In these golden years ♪
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♪ Come, get up, my baby ♪
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PRINCIPAL: Your work study
is in the housing office.
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Six-year medical program.
Biology, organic chemistry,
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full academic scholarship?
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Yeah. I want to keep focused
on my career track.
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Okay,
but this is a lot of credits.
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Be sure you don't fall behind.
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I think I can handle it.
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♪ I'll stick with you, baby
For a thousand years ♪
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♪ Nothing's gonna touch you
In these golden years ♪
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(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
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BOY:
Mom, look, I...
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I don't know
what to tell you.
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Dudes.
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It didn't go as far
as I thought.
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Boy, stop!
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Hi.
- Hey.
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(ALTERNATIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
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ZEKE: Dad, why are you going
through my stuff?
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And Ma, why are you putting
the flannel sheets on?
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It's September. You want
me to sweat my ass off?
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Could you guys go?
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(MUSIC STOPS)
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(HAMMERING)
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KYLE:
What do you want?
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JOSH: You must be
one of my roommates.
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I'm Josh.
KYLE: The single's mine.
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I called it.
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JOSH:
That seems fair.
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(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
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I don't have time
to cook for myself.
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GIRL: Yeah, I know.
(CHUCKLES)
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(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
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GIRL 2: Hey, do you want
to sit on this other side?
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Oh, sorry.
- Mm.
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GIRL 1: So, anyway...
God, I'm starving.
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GIRL 22
Me, too.
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GIRL 1: He lets you out
early every class.
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GIRL 2: Really?
GIRL 3: Mm-hmm.
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BOY:
I'm going to sign up for that.
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(BONG BUBBLING)
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(MAN INHALING)
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Huh?
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Hola.
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What are you doing?
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Oh. Hey, you must be Josh.
Listen, I'm sorry...
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(MAN INHALING)
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Are you guys
getting stoned again?
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Man! That is classic!
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Take these. We would've been
here sooner,
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but these guys kept
stopping off for snacks.
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MAN:
Hey, Cooper,
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You were the one
who had the munchies.
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(LAUGHS)
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We should've never have
gotten high in Boston!
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Oh, man, that was great.
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MAN:
Light up another one, man.
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(BREATHES SHARPLY)
Yeah. Hmm.
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Josh, where do you think
we should put the bong?
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In the closet?
- No. This is a showcase bong.
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Take a look at it, huh?
Hey, do you want a hit?
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Uh... no.
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I just brushed my teeth.
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Josh, you're not going to bed,
are you?
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Actually, yeah. I got to get up
early tomorrow.
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Shit. I... I just met
these people downstairs,
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and I told them to come up
for a few drinks.
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But you know what?
They're right outside.
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I'll get rid of them.
- No, no, it's okay.
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Really? Are you sure?
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Because I can tell them
to get lost.
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No. It's cool. I...
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Let me put on some pants.
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All right.
Hey, guys, come on in.
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Hey, this is Josh. This is my
new roommate. (SQUEALS)
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Josh, say hello, huh?
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What's going on, guys?
How you doing? All right?
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Good to see you again.
(ALL CHATTERING)
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(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
BOY: Who wants some drinks?
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(ALL CHEERING)
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COOPER: Pass these out.
Pass these out.
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(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
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What's going on?
Over there, guys. Over there.
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Yeah. This is a party. Yeah.
Show me the muff.
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Pass those out. There you go.
BOY: All right.
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(ALL CHEERING, CHATTERING)
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KYLE: What the fuck?
(GROANING)
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Turn that shit off!
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(MUSIC STOPS)
Hey, buddy.
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You must be Kyle. I'm Cooper.
I'm not your buddy...
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buddy.
- Okay.
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Oh, look at that.
I see, uh, you like girls.
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You must be the product
of an all boys school.
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Catholic all boys school.
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Cath... Holy Mary,
mother of God.
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You're so horny
you've turned mean.
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You keep that music off,
asshole...
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or I'm going to bash
your fucking head in!
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Kyle, Kyle, Kyle.
(CHUCKLES)
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You're being an asshole.
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Now, you go around
bashing people's heads in,
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girls aren't going
to think you're cool.
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They're going to think
you're a steroid freak
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with a pixie dick
and an ass for a brain.
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(SIGHS) Really?
- (CHUCKLES) Uh-huh!
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(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
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Everybody, this is Kyle. Huh!
Give him a beer. Come on,
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let's start the music.
(MUSIC STARTS PLAYING)
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Let's go. Let's get
this party started, huh?
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(APPLAUSE)
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All right, where were we?
Martinis, huh?
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All right. Incoming.
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Hey. Hey, I... I'm Pickle.
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I just thought you could
use these things.
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Oh, your name's Pickle, huh?
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What'd you do, knock off
an appliance store?
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I... I had some stuff
shipped here.
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It kind of reminds me
of home, you know?
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That blender
reminds you of home?
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Oh, yeah. Definitely.
- (CHUCKLES) Martinis!
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What is that?
- That's a math award.
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Looks like a dildo.
Hey, Zeke, look. It's a dildo.
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(LAUGHTER)
BOY: Hey, watch the corners.
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Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
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Hey.
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COOPER: Hey.
JOSH: Hey.
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Here's your dildo.
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(SCOFFS) Thanks.
(GROANS)
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So, Josh, uh...
tell me about yourself.
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I don't know.
Uh. I'm from Indiana,
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and I'm in the six-year
medical program.
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So you, like, studied
in high school?
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Wow, that's... that's cool.
175
00:08:51,363 --> 00:08:53,406
You know, I had... I had a couple
of friends who did that.
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Oh, yeah?
(GIRLS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
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So, let's get a drink.
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Oh, she's nice.
Good choice. Go talk to her.
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I don't think so.
- Why? What are you going to do?
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00:09:01,665 --> 00:09:02,540
You... you just gonna sit in bed
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until she goes home
with somebody else?
182
00:09:04,376 --> 00:09:05,710
Yeah. I'm in my underwear.
183
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:07,504
So what? Josh, you don't need
to get dressed.
184
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You know what? I'll
bring her over.
185
00:09:08,845 --> 00:09:10,548
No, no, no.
186
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What?
187
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:14,344
Do you want me to go
get you some pants?
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00:09:15,095 --> 00:09:17,639
Yeah. Would you?
- Ah.
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00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,476
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
190
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:22,561
That's Rachel Gilmore.
191
00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:26,106
She's from New York,
and she likes creative writing.
192
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How'd you know that?
193
00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:30,569
KYLE: Freshman face book.
194
00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:32,654
I'm just, like, ptoof!
195
00:09:32,654 --> 00:09:36,074
Jacking off to that thing
for, like, three weeks.
196
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,534
(SNORTS)
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00:09:37,826 --> 00:09:38,993
Oh.
198
00:09:41,038 --> 00:09:42,122
This is my brother's Ritalin.
199
00:09:42,122 --> 00:09:44,415
Ritalin's good for studying
math or science.
200
00:09:44,416 --> 00:09:45,917
Just don't try to write
English papers on it,
201
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:49,087
because it won't make
any sense. Enjoy that.
202
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:49,963
This is my mom's diet pills.
203
00:09:49,963 --> 00:09:53,508
Lovely for pulling all-nighters
and foreign languages.
204
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:57,095
♪ Move aside
Let the man go through ♪
205
00:09:57,096 --> 00:10:00,390
GIRL:
Hey, Jennifer, come here.
206
00:10:01,141 --> 00:10:02,934
(EXHALES)
207
00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:06,688
Nice cross.
208
00:10:07,439 --> 00:10:08,648
Thanks.
209
00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,442
Are you catholic?
210
00:10:10,442 --> 00:10:14,942
Yeah. I went to Sacred Heart
School for girls.
211
00:10:16,406 --> 00:10:18,032
I love you.
212
00:10:19,451 --> 00:10:20,577
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
213
00:10:20,577 --> 00:10:22,829
Why, hello, ladies.
We haven't met.
214
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:25,666
I'm Cooper. This is Josh.
- Hi.
215
00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:27,376
Do you guys go to Daleman?
216
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:30,045
It's their room, Lucy.
- Yeah?
217
00:10:30,045 --> 00:10:33,006
Oh, I'm Lucy, and these
are my Homegirls.
218
00:10:33,006 --> 00:10:33,631
Right, Kristin?
219
00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:35,091
Isn't that what they say
where you're from?
220
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:37,177
What do you mean,
"where I'm from"? (CHUCKLES)
221
00:10:37,177 --> 00:10:39,554
Oh, you know, the 'hood.
(CHUCKLES)
222
00:10:39,555 --> 00:10:44,017
Lucy, we need to have
a little talk.
223
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:48,689
(CLEARS THROAT) Well, talk.
- All right.
224
00:10:48,897 --> 00:10:50,773
Uh. Hey, um...
225
00:10:51,191 --> 00:10:51,649
Hi.
226
00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,568
Hi.
JOSH: You must be Rachel, right?
227
00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:55,195
Yeah, yeah.
How did you know?
228
00:10:55,195 --> 00:10:56,696
Oh, it's in the face book.
229
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:59,074
Oh, you memorized
the face book?
230
00:10:59,074 --> 00:11:00,700
No. My roommate did.
231
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:03,036
He was jack, uh, lackin'.
232
00:11:03,036 --> 00:11:05,705
He was jack-a-lackin'
around to it.
233
00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:07,499
(LAUGHS) He was what?
234
00:11:07,499 --> 00:11:10,877
Um... (CHUCKLES)
Never mind.
235
00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:11,795
Rachel, come on.
236
00:11:11,795 --> 00:11:14,881
Uh. Just a second.
I... I got to go. Um...
237
00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:16,925
So, I... I'll see you
around maybe.
238
00:11:16,925 --> 00:11:19,677
Oh, yeah. No, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. No.
239
00:11:19,678 --> 00:11:23,765
I mean, yeah. Yes.
I'll see each other around.
240
00:11:23,765 --> 00:11:27,226
Okay. (LAUGHS) All right.
So, bye.
241
00:11:27,227 --> 00:11:29,479
Rachel.
- Josh.
242
00:11:30,772 --> 00:11:32,023
Bye.
243
00:11:33,650 --> 00:11:35,485
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
244
00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:37,738
Oh, yeah, that was smooth.
245
00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:39,531
You'll have to give us
some pointers.
246
00:11:39,531 --> 00:11:41,533
You're the shit, man.
247
00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:43,243
(LAUGHS)
248
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,792
(ALARM BUZZING)
249
00:11:52,836 --> 00:11:54,712
(ALARM STOPS)
250
00:11:56,798 --> 00:11:58,132
Cooper?
(GROANS)
251
00:11:58,133 --> 00:11:59,968
My arm's asleep.
252
00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:01,136
Ow!
253
00:12:01,136 --> 00:12:04,264
Oh! Oh, my God,
are you okay?
254
00:12:04,264 --> 00:12:06,641
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
255
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,729
Hey, Josh.
256
00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:12,856
Hi.
257
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,610
Oh.
- Oh. Sorry.
258
00:12:18,987 --> 00:12:21,531
This is not high school biology,
okay, people?
259
00:12:21,531 --> 00:12:23,991
We won't be bringing in ferns
for show and tell.
260
00:12:23,992 --> 00:12:26,703
If you bring in chocolate,
then we are in business.
261
00:12:26,703 --> 00:12:29,288
It is imperative you do
the required reading,
262
00:12:29,289 --> 00:12:30,248
or you shall be lost.
263
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:33,627
It is imperative
you hang on my every word,
264
00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:34,878
or you shall be lost.
265
00:12:34,878 --> 00:12:36,963
It is imperative
you buy my book,
266
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:40,008
Organic chemistry:
The Impossible Discipline
267
00:12:40,008 --> 00:12:44,508
by S.F. Collins, who is I,
or you shall be so lost,
268
00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:47,599
you'll never be found again.
269
00:12:47,891 --> 00:12:50,768
♪ And do it again ♪
270
00:12:53,605 --> 00:12:56,190
This is the first class,
isn't it?
271
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,818
This is an advanced
anatomy lab.
272
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:01,321
We will be spending
the majority of our time
273
00:13:01,321 --> 00:13:03,614
dissecting a human cadaver.
274
00:13:03,615 --> 00:13:05,074
Say hello to Bob.
(ALL GASP)
275
00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:08,578
ANATOMY LAB TEACHER:
Let's open Bob up, shall we?
276
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:10,163
Your job at the housing office
277
00:13:10,163 --> 00:13:12,623
is to process housing
transfer requests.
278
00:13:12,624 --> 00:13:15,126
Don't answer the phone.
Don't study at work.
279
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:17,712
Don't annoy me. That's it.
280
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,844
COOPER:
Josh.
281
00:13:24,344 --> 00:13:28,056
Help. I need water.
282
00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:30,267
Uh. Water.
283
00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:33,270
(GROANING) Josh.
284
00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:34,896
Water.
285
00:13:35,188 --> 00:13:36,689
Uh.
286
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,902
Swallow, swallow.
287
00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:44,197
Ah.
288
00:13:44,197 --> 00:13:47,867
JOSH: So, kind of a late night
last night, huh?
289
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:50,829
Oh. Pammy.
290
00:13:50,829 --> 00:13:52,997
I thought I dreamt her.
291
00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:56,042
Isn't college great?
292
00:13:56,793 --> 00:13:58,211
This can't be the right answer.
293
00:13:58,211 --> 00:14:01,047
There are too many
variables in this equation.
294
00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:03,341
Hey, Josh, do you have it?
295
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:04,384
Uh.
296
00:14:04,384 --> 00:14:06,928
Yeah. Uh, negative four.
297
00:14:06,928 --> 00:14:07,762
(STUDENTS GIGGLE)
298
00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:10,390
Well, uh, that... that would be
correct, Josh,
299
00:14:10,390 --> 00:14:13,101
if we were still on binomials.
300
00:14:13,101 --> 00:14:15,686
(LAUGHTER)
301
00:14:21,234 --> 00:14:22,235
I got to clean my bong,
302
00:14:22,235 --> 00:14:25,071
'cause I can't mix
the kind with the Shwag.
303
00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:26,907
Where's my pipe cleaner?
304
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,158
I don't know. I'm studying.
305
00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:32,370
Well, Josh, I think it's time
for a study break.
306
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:33,747
No, thank you, really.
307
00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:35,331
Oh! Oh!
- Oh, man.
308
00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:36,041
Sorry. Sorry. Here.
309
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:40,336
Hey, that's my sweater.
- What? Look, I'm picking it up.
310
00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:41,338
Oh, man.
311
00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:44,716
Now everything smells
like bong water.
312
00:14:46,885 --> 00:14:48,177
Hey.
- Hey.
313
00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:49,762
I'm just going to pack
up some of my things,
314
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:52,432
because I'm going to be
staying at Kelly's place for a while.
315
00:14:52,432 --> 00:14:54,976
Is it cool if I use
your room for bonging 'cause...
316
00:14:54,976 --> 00:14:56,310
KYLE: No! It's not cool.
317
00:14:56,311 --> 00:14:59,230
While I'm gone,
don't fuck with my stuff!
318
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:02,859
Easy, killer.
Remember what I told you?
319
00:15:02,859 --> 00:15:03,943
Yeah.
320
00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:08,156
Don't... don't fuck
with my stuff. Please.
321
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,284
(LAUGHS)
322
00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:19,626
Look, Cooper, could you
do that some place else?
323
00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:21,920
Listen, I'm here on
an academic scholarship,
324
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,964
and I'm serious when I say
that I got to study.
325
00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:27,217
And I can't do it
when you're distracting me
326
00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:28,968
every two seconds.
327
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:30,387
You know what?
328
00:15:30,387 --> 00:15:32,472
I'm serious when I tell you
I need to clean my bong,
329
00:15:32,472 --> 00:15:34,807
and I can't do it with you
chewing me out
330
00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:35,934
every two seconds.
331
00:15:35,934 --> 00:15:36,976
I'm going in Pickle's room,
332
00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:39,688
in case you want
to catch a beer later.
333
00:15:41,314 --> 00:15:43,024
(DOOR CLOSES)
334
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,402
(MACHINE BEEPS)
335
00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:46,736
Hey, Josh, how's it going?
336
00:15:46,736 --> 00:15:48,821
Oh, man, I got a long night
ahead of me.
337
00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:50,156
How you doing?
- Oh, I'm all right.
338
00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:52,450
I got a rash on my balls.
339
00:15:53,952 --> 00:15:55,119
Hey.
340
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,789
(PLAYING VIDEO GAME)
341
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,461
Look... I know we're different,
342
00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:04,921
but we just got to figure out
a way
343
00:16:04,921 --> 00:16:07,840
that we can share the room,
and then I can study,
344
00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:11,344
and you can do whatever
the hell it is that you do.
345
00:16:11,344 --> 00:16:15,844
Right. Yeah.
I mean, that... that's cool.
346
00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:20,270
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
347
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,522
COOPER:
Oh. Oh. Oh, really?
348
00:16:22,522 --> 00:16:24,857
Mmm. Take this off.
(GIRL MOANING)
349
00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:27,110
COOPER: Mm.
Oh, yeah. Take this off.
350
00:16:27,110 --> 00:16:28,986
Take it off.
GIRL: I want to take yours off.
351
00:16:28,987 --> 00:16:31,197
Take it off. You take yours off
under the sheets.
352
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:33,283
(BOTH PANTING)
COOPER: Oh, yes.
353
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:36,035
Oh! Be gentle.
It's my first time.
354
00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:37,829
Pull on my lobes
when you do that.
355
00:16:37,829 --> 00:16:40,248
Oh, you have great instincts.
(BOTH MOAN)
356
00:16:40,248 --> 00:16:42,166
Oh, yeah.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
357
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,835
What about your roommate?
358
00:16:43,835 --> 00:16:44,961
Oh, don't worry.
359
00:16:44,961 --> 00:16:47,046
He likes to watch.
- Oh.
360
00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:49,257
(BOTH MOANING)
361
00:17:04,564 --> 00:17:08,484
Well, Josh, so nice of you
to join us.
362
00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:10,361
I'm sorry. I...
363
00:17:11,488 --> 00:17:12,780
M...
364
00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:14,324
Sorry.
365
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:15,950
JOSH: No, mom,
the work is fine.
366
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:19,245
I'm a little nervous, because,
uh, midterms are in three weeks.
367
00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:21,164
MOM: Uh-huh.
- But, uh,
368
00:17:21,164 --> 00:17:21,956
yeah, everything's great.
369
00:17:21,957 --> 00:17:24,918
MOM: Are you sure, honey?
- Yeah. Really. Super.
370
00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:26,419
Can you hold on a second?
371
00:17:26,419 --> 00:17:28,129
Hello?
COOPER: Josh, it's me.
372
00:17:28,129 --> 00:17:29,922
Listen, I'm heading over
to the Lucky Peach,
373
00:17:29,923 --> 00:17:31,299
and there's three girls
waiting for me,
374
00:17:31,299 --> 00:17:34,135
but I can't think
of any girly things to say,
375
00:17:34,135 --> 00:17:35,344
so I need some backup.
376
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:39,057
Don't say no.
- No, Cooper.
377
00:17:39,057 --> 00:17:40,975
If I was some boring
old professor,
378
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:42,143
you wouldn't say no.
JOSH: Out.
379
00:17:42,143 --> 00:17:44,019
You're a pawn, Josh.
- Out. Out.
380
00:17:44,020 --> 00:17:44,854
Stick it to the man.
- Out.
381
00:17:44,854 --> 00:17:47,106
The revolution will not be televised.
- Out.
382
00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:50,110
Bye. Hi, mom?
MOM: Hi.
383
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:50,944
Yeah, that was Cooper,
384
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:52,987
and he said
that he wanted me to meet him
385
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:55,490
at the library.
MOM: Uh-huh!
386
00:17:55,490 --> 00:17:55,990
So...
387
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:58,910
I'll talk to you later, okay?
MOM: All right. I love you.
388
00:17:58,910 --> 00:18:00,286
Okay. I love you, too.
389
00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:02,122
MOM: Bye.
Bye.
390
00:18:02,622 --> 00:18:05,041
(SONG PLAYING)
391
00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:20,640
I never doubted you
for a second.
392
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:21,390
One drink.
- One drink.
393
00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:24,394
Then I got to get back.
- Then you got to get back.
394
00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:25,937
Okay.
395
00:18:29,941 --> 00:18:31,442
Now, try to be charming, Josh.
396
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:33,486
And don't talk about
studying,
397
00:18:33,486 --> 00:18:36,155
because, believe me,
it's a turnoff.
398
00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:38,241
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
399
00:18:38,241 --> 00:18:41,619
(PEOPLE LAUGHING, CHATTERING)
400
00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:44,330
Yep. This is a bar.
Cooper, I got to go.
401
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,916
This is good.
- No, no, no, I should be headed back.
402
00:18:46,916 --> 00:18:48,292
Hey, Josh. Hey.
Hey.
403
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:49,127
Where have you guys been?
404
00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:51,337
We've been getting drunk
without you.
405
00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:52,505
Come on.
406
00:18:52,505 --> 00:18:55,591
You know, you were right.
We really should head back.
407
00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:58,136
No. I changed my mind.
408
00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:00,055
Hey, Cooper!
409
00:19:00,513 --> 00:19:01,305
Cooper.
410
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:04,976
We finished the pitcher.
We need more beer.
411
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:07,520
So, um.
how's everything going?
412
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:08,354
What, with me?
413
00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:11,566
Mm-hmm.
- Oh, awesome. Yeah. Yeah.
414
00:19:11,566 --> 00:19:13,192
If I didn't have
all this hellish work
415
00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:16,070
every friggin' second,
I should be, uh, home.
416
00:19:16,071 --> 00:19:17,030
No. I... I know, I know.
417
00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:18,531
I should be home
working on my story
418
00:19:18,531 --> 00:19:21,200
for my writing class, so...
419
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:23,495
Here you go.
- Uh-huh.
420
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:26,623
Are you one of the... one of them
Daleman kids?
421
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:27,957
No, no. I'm a townie.
422
00:19:27,957 --> 00:19:31,710
Yeah, I work at the refinery,
factory, mill.
423
00:19:31,711 --> 00:19:33,963
What's that on your shirt?
424
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:39,052
What?
- Let's see an I.D.
425
00:19:39,719 --> 00:19:42,596
(CHUCKLES)
There you go.
426
00:19:43,556 --> 00:19:44,390
It's a bullshit I.D.
427
00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:46,226
You know what? You're right.
(CHUCKLES)
428
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:50,480
This is not my real I.D.
This is... this is my real one.
429
00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:55,193
"Dr. Mohammed Rashid"?
430
00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:56,194
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
431
00:19:56,194 --> 00:19:57,612
How about this one?
This one?
432
00:19:57,612 --> 00:19:59,614
- Nah. No, no.
This one? This one?
433
00:19:59,614 --> 00:20:01,407
Just take your beer.
Take your beer.
434
00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:04,744
It's for the guys at the mill.
- Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
435
00:20:04,744 --> 00:20:06,287
So, what's your story about?
436
00:20:06,287 --> 00:20:08,706
It's about this girl,
and she's from New York,
437
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:12,001
kind of like me,
and she has a crush on this guy
438
00:20:12,001 --> 00:20:13,335
who goes to her school.
439
00:20:13,336 --> 00:20:17,423
He... he's kind of bumbling,
kind of shy, but, um...
440
00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:20,552
she can tell there's
a lot more going on...
441
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:23,346
up here. (CHUCKLES)
442
00:20:23,346 --> 00:20:27,516
He's from Indiana.
- Really? I'm from Indiana.
443
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:28,768
Okay...
444
00:20:28,768 --> 00:20:31,520
Uh. All right, forget it.
Let me start over.
445
00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:34,690
(KRISTEN CLEARS THROAT)
Um. Shut up. (CHUCKLES)
446
00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:38,236
There's a girl who likes a guy.
447
00:20:38,236 --> 00:20:42,114
Do you have any idea
what I'm talking about?
448
00:20:44,451 --> 00:20:46,536
♪ Whoa ♪
449
00:20:46,536 --> 00:20:51,036
♪ Come down
Why don't you come over ♪
450
00:20:51,082 --> 00:20:53,584
♪ Why don't you come down ♪
451
00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:54,669
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
452
00:20:54,669 --> 00:20:56,253
JOSH: How do you do it?
COOPER: What?
453
00:20:56,254 --> 00:20:59,090
JOSH: You haven't been to a
single class since you got here.
454
00:20:59,090 --> 00:21:01,550
COOPER:
Come on, Josh, who cares?
455
00:21:02,385 --> 00:21:03,803
I get it.
456
00:21:03,803 --> 00:21:05,763
You're a millionaire.
457
00:21:06,222 --> 00:21:09,725
You probably got a family
business to go into.
458
00:21:10,143 --> 00:21:12,728
You know what my Dad
does for a living?
459
00:21:13,229 --> 00:21:14,563
He cleans toilets.
460
00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:15,648
Come on.
(CHUCKLES)
461
00:21:15,648 --> 00:21:19,818
Ah, he owns this major
toilet-cleaning company.
462
00:21:19,819 --> 00:21:21,821
It's big. It's huge, actually.
463
00:21:21,821 --> 00:21:26,321
And he is an incredible...
asshole.
464
00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:27,160
(BOTH LAUGH)
465
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:31,660
I like to call him Flushles,
the toilet-cleaning clown.
466
00:21:33,124 --> 00:21:35,751
(CHUCKLES)
He loves that.
467
00:21:36,169 --> 00:21:38,337
You think I'm gonna spend
the rest of my life
468
00:21:38,338 --> 00:21:39,589
cleaning toilets?
469
00:21:39,589 --> 00:21:42,341
So, what are you gonna do?
- I don't know, you know?
470
00:21:42,342 --> 00:21:45,636
Everyone's so obsessed
with the future. Who cares?
471
00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:46,763
We should be
thinking about now,
472
00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:48,723
and right now
we should be having fun.
473
00:21:48,723 --> 00:21:50,516
Well, fun is a dead end, Cooper.
474
00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,769
I mean, the guys who had fun
in my high school
475
00:21:52,769 --> 00:21:53,853
are working in bowling alleys
476
00:21:53,853 --> 00:21:57,398
and drinking paint thinner
on the weekends.
477
00:21:58,441 --> 00:22:00,651
I got to stay on track.
478
00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:01,819
Okay, Josh,
but you're missing out,
479
00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:05,448
because college
is our last chance to go crazy.
480
00:22:05,448 --> 00:22:08,200
(VOMITING, COUGHING)
481
00:22:08,201 --> 00:22:11,537
COOPER: (LAUGHS) Yes!
She shoots! She scores!
482
00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:13,540
Does anyone have a breath mint?
483
00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:14,624
(LAUGHS)
RACHEL: Hey.
484
00:22:14,624 --> 00:22:15,625
Hey.
KRISTIN: Hey, guys.
485
00:22:15,625 --> 00:22:18,210
So, um, I...
I'm gonna walk back.
486
00:22:18,211 --> 00:22:21,547
Um. Do you wanna...
do you wanna walk with me?
487
00:22:21,548 --> 00:22:22,382
Yeah.
- Yeah?
488
00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:23,716
(CLEARS THROAT)
Of course.
489
00:22:23,716 --> 00:22:25,300
Great.
(CHUCKLES)
490
00:22:25,301 --> 00:22:26,844
(WHISPERS) Bye.
491
00:22:37,730 --> 00:22:40,399
(CHUCKLES) That was fun.
492
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,861
I'm... I'm glad you came.
You know... you know.
493
00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:48,362
♪ I don't know what it is
That makes me love you so ♪
494
00:22:48,658 --> 00:22:50,409
Well... good night.
495
00:22:50,410 --> 00:22:52,870
♪ I only know I never
Wanna let you go ♪
496
00:22:52,871 --> 00:22:53,705
It's this way.
497
00:22:53,705 --> 00:22:56,499
♪ 'Cause you
Started something ♪
498
00:22:56,499 --> 00:22:58,167
♪ Oh, can't you see ♪
499
00:22:58,167 --> 00:23:01,545
♪ That ever since we met
You've had a hold on me ♪
500
00:23:01,546 --> 00:23:03,214
It's this way.
501
00:23:03,423 --> 00:23:06,509
♪ It happens to be true ♪
502
00:23:06,509 --> 00:23:08,427
JOSH:
This is a really nice room.
503
00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:09,679
♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
504
00:23:09,679 --> 00:23:13,391
I probably should, uh...
- Josh.
505
00:23:14,767 --> 00:23:18,812
♪ No matter
No matter what you do ♪
506
00:23:18,813 --> 00:23:20,272
RACHEL:
It's this way.
507
00:23:20,273 --> 00:23:24,443
♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
508
00:23:26,529 --> 00:23:29,740
Oh, good morning.
- Hi, Josh.
509
00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:32,576
Two, three,
510
00:23:32,785 --> 00:23:33,952
four, five...
511
00:23:33,953 --> 00:23:36,246
Young man. Where have you been?
512
00:23:36,247 --> 00:23:38,916
Do you know that I was up
all night worried sick?
513
00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:43,379
Do you know what time it is?
I love college.
514
00:23:43,379 --> 00:23:45,672
I love everything about it.
515
00:23:45,965 --> 00:23:47,633
The people...
516
00:23:47,634 --> 00:23:49,177
the freedom...
517
00:23:49,594 --> 00:23:50,886
this room...
518
00:23:51,471 --> 00:23:52,889
this chair.
519
00:23:52,889 --> 00:23:55,641
Look at this chair.
520
00:23:55,642 --> 00:23:58,978
(SIGHS) You had sex last night,
didn't you?
521
00:23:59,729 --> 00:24:00,896
That's a nice shirt.
522
00:24:00,897 --> 00:24:04,650
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
JOSH: It was so easy, Cooper.
523
00:24:04,651 --> 00:24:06,778
I didn't have to do anything...
524
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:08,487
to make it happen.
525
00:24:08,488 --> 00:24:11,699
It was just like...
time for sex.
526
00:24:11,699 --> 00:24:13,826
We're gonna have sex now.
527
00:24:13,826 --> 00:24:15,994
Prepare for sex.
528
00:24:15,995 --> 00:24:18,664
And then we spent
all night talking.
529
00:24:18,665 --> 00:24:22,293
Jesus. You even talked, too?
530
00:24:23,336 --> 00:24:26,672
She says I have soulful eyes.
531
00:24:26,673 --> 00:24:29,008
Oh, yeah, you really do.
532
00:24:29,008 --> 00:24:31,010
What was I thinking?
533
00:24:32,011 --> 00:24:35,347
Spending all my time
in the library.
534
00:24:35,348 --> 00:24:37,892
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
535
00:24:39,018 --> 00:24:41,812
(BOTH LAUGH)
536
00:24:43,439 --> 00:24:46,316
♪ Cover myself - beneath my
quiff ♪ (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
537
00:24:46,317 --> 00:24:49,528
♪ My power's run out
And so has my gift ♪
538
00:24:49,529 --> 00:24:52,615
♪ At times like this
I'm at a loss ♪
539
00:24:52,615 --> 00:24:55,743
♪ Drifting in dreams
So fortuitous ♪
540
00:24:55,743 --> 00:24:57,995
♪ I used to care a lot ♪
541
00:24:57,996 --> 00:25:01,624
♪ Now the world spins
Before me ♪
542
00:25:03,418 --> 00:25:05,920
♪ These days, consistent sleep ♪
543
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:09,465
♪ And daytime TV ♪
544
00:25:21,561 --> 00:25:24,814
♪ I'm only sleeping ♪
545
00:25:26,816 --> 00:25:29,860
♪ I'm only sleeping ♪
546
00:25:30,403 --> 00:25:32,696
♪ Don't wake me
Don't wake me ♪
547
00:25:32,697 --> 00:25:35,408
♪ I'm only sleeping ♪
548
00:25:36,492 --> 00:25:38,619
♪ Don't call me
Don't wake me ♪
549
00:25:38,619 --> 00:25:41,371
♪ I'm only sleeping ♪
550
00:25:41,372 --> 00:25:42,581
Papers, Josh.
551
00:25:42,582 --> 00:25:44,709
Where are the papers?
552
00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:45,751
The papers, Josh!
553
00:25:45,752 --> 00:25:49,046
Huh?
- Papers? Thank you. Thank you.
554
00:25:49,047 --> 00:25:52,592
Papers? Papers. Thank you.
555
00:25:53,092 --> 00:25:55,385
Papers? Thank you.
556
00:25:55,762 --> 00:25:57,305
Papers?
557
00:25:58,056 --> 00:25:59,599
Thank you.
558
00:26:00,725 --> 00:26:03,102
Papers, mister.
- Wait just...
559
00:26:03,102 --> 00:26:06,021
Thank you!
- Oh.
560
00:26:06,773 --> 00:26:09,859
Hey, hey. There you are.
561
00:26:10,109 --> 00:26:11,568
Wow. Why the funky face?
562
00:26:11,569 --> 00:26:15,781
Why? Because I'm sure I bombed
my midterms, that's why.
563
00:26:15,782 --> 00:26:17,492
Oh, well, at least you
showed up for them.
564
00:26:17,492 --> 00:26:19,994
I bet you they give you
points for that.
565
00:26:19,994 --> 00:26:22,955
You. You.
COOPER: What?
566
00:26:22,955 --> 00:26:24,915
You need to stay away from me.
567
00:26:24,916 --> 00:26:26,918
You've been distracting me
all semester,
568
00:26:26,918 --> 00:26:27,877
and now I'm fucked.
569
00:26:27,877 --> 00:26:30,045
Josh, is this... is this
about bad grades?
570
00:26:30,046 --> 00:26:33,966
(SPLUTTERS)
Bad grades are meaningless.
571
00:26:33,966 --> 00:26:36,927
You know, they're... they're like
parking tickets.
572
00:26:36,928 --> 00:26:38,763
Uh. They...
they mean nothing.
573
00:26:38,763 --> 00:26:41,640
Just laugh,
because they're silly.
574
00:26:41,641 --> 00:26:44,101
You know, they're silly
little nothings.
575
00:26:44,102 --> 00:26:46,896
I never failed anything
in my life.
576
00:26:46,896 --> 00:26:47,813
COOPER: Stop right there.
577
00:26:47,814 --> 00:26:49,732
You know what?
I think you're turning
578
00:26:49,732 --> 00:26:51,692
into a really great guy.
579
00:26:51,692 --> 00:26:54,778
And so what if your
astrology professor
580
00:26:54,779 --> 00:26:56,655
doesn't like you? Big shit.
581
00:26:56,656 --> 00:26:59,450
I don't take astrology.
582
00:26:59,700 --> 00:27:01,118
Biology, whatever.
583
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,497
(CHUCKLES)
Stay away from me, okay?
584
00:27:04,497 --> 00:27:06,332
I got work to do.
585
00:27:08,626 --> 00:27:11,629
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
586
00:27:17,677 --> 00:27:19,095
(JOSH CLEARS THROAT)
587
00:27:19,846 --> 00:27:22,473
(WHISTLES)
588
00:27:26,185 --> 00:27:29,730
(TECHNO MUSIC BLARING)
589
00:27:30,565 --> 00:27:31,941
JOSH: Hey!
590
00:27:33,192 --> 00:27:34,985
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
591
00:27:43,578 --> 00:27:46,539
I can hear my heartbeat
through my penis.
592
00:27:46,539 --> 00:27:48,791
Get that out of your pants!
593
00:27:50,459 --> 00:27:51,751
So, uh, Josh, uh,
594
00:27:51,752 --> 00:27:55,213
what do you say we head down
to the Oktoberfest, huh?
595
00:27:55,214 --> 00:27:56,506
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
596
00:27:56,507 --> 00:27:59,218
Well, at least somebody
wants to party.
597
00:28:01,596 --> 00:28:03,055
Pop.
- Come here.
598
00:28:03,055 --> 00:28:05,557
Oh, I've heard so much about you.
- Yeah.
599
00:28:05,558 --> 00:28:07,184
What? Am I leaving?
- Excuse us!
600
00:28:07,185 --> 00:28:09,520
Whoa!
COOPER: Dad, don't...
601
00:28:09,937 --> 00:28:11,021
Dad.
602
00:28:11,022 --> 00:28:12,648
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
603
00:28:12,648 --> 00:28:13,857
It's me...
- Hi.
604
00:28:13,858 --> 00:28:14,942
Flushles...
(GROANS)
605
00:28:14,942 --> 00:28:17,110
...the toilet cleaning clown!
606
00:28:17,111 --> 00:28:17,861
(GROANS)
(CHUCKLES)
607
00:28:17,862 --> 00:28:19,238
You getting an education, huh, Coop?
- Yeah.
608
00:28:19,238 --> 00:28:20,906
Are you getting my money's worth?
- Uh-huh!
609
00:28:20,907 --> 00:28:22,116
'Cause you know
what the dean tells me?
610
00:28:22,116 --> 00:28:24,743
He tells me that you
haven't been in one class
611
00:28:24,744 --> 00:28:25,161
in two months!
612
00:28:25,161 --> 00:28:28,247
COOPER: (GROANS) I don't think
this counts as bonding, Dad.
613
00:28:28,247 --> 00:28:29,539
It's over, Cooper.
- (GROANS)
614
00:28:29,540 --> 00:28:31,708
I keep buying your way
into these schools,
615
00:28:31,709 --> 00:28:32,584
and you keep screwing up.
616
00:28:32,585 --> 00:28:33,836
If you don't pass
all of your classes,
617
00:28:33,836 --> 00:28:36,547
you're coming home with me,
and you're gonna work with me,
618
00:28:36,547 --> 00:28:39,174
but not in the office.
- Dad, come on.
619
00:28:39,175 --> 00:28:40,176
In the field.
620
00:28:40,176 --> 00:28:44,676
I'm gonna give you all
the really disgusting jobs.
621
00:28:52,647 --> 00:28:53,939
Hmm.
622
00:28:55,816 --> 00:28:58,652
Cooper. Come on, talk to me.
623
00:28:58,653 --> 00:28:59,153
What, Josh?
624
00:28:59,153 --> 00:29:03,240
(SIGHS) He's serious this time,
all right? You... you heard him.
625
00:29:03,241 --> 00:29:04,742
He's gonna pull me
out of school.
626
00:29:04,742 --> 00:29:06,285
And now I've got to pass
all my classes.
627
00:29:06,285 --> 00:29:08,078
I don't even know
which ones I'm taking.
628
00:29:08,079 --> 00:29:10,623
This is gonna drive me to drink.
- No, Cooper.
629
00:29:10,623 --> 00:29:12,916
No more drinks,
no more bong hits.
630
00:29:12,917 --> 00:29:15,753
There's only one thing
that can save you now.
631
00:29:15,753 --> 00:29:17,129
What, Valium?
632
00:29:17,129 --> 00:29:19,047
No. Studying.
633
00:29:19,048 --> 00:29:20,674
(SCOFFS)
- You need to study.
634
00:29:20,675 --> 00:29:24,804
What? You're insane.
- What? It'll be fun.
635
00:29:24,804 --> 00:29:25,721
We'll read our books together.
636
00:29:25,721 --> 00:29:27,492
We'll make sure that
we go to our classes.
637
00:29:27,516 --> 00:29:28,098
No.
638
00:29:28,099 --> 00:29:29,683
We'll quiz each other.
- No, no.
639
00:29:29,684 --> 00:29:30,267
We'll be study buddies.
640
00:29:30,268 --> 00:29:33,020
No. I don't do that.
That's... that's not me.
641
00:29:33,020 --> 00:29:36,106
Well, I think it's time
for a change.
642
00:29:36,107 --> 00:29:39,110
Hey, you guys roommates?
643
00:29:39,110 --> 00:29:39,985
BOTH: Yeah.
Yeah.
644
00:29:39,986 --> 00:29:42,822
You ought to talk
to Henry over there.
645
00:29:42,822 --> 00:29:44,156
He went to Daleman.
646
00:29:44,156 --> 00:29:45,949
COOPER:
That guy went to Daleman?
647
00:29:45,950 --> 00:29:49,995
Yeah. He's got
a real good story for you.
648
00:29:50,830 --> 00:29:53,707
HENRY:
You see, I had a roommate.
649
00:29:53,708 --> 00:29:55,584
Poor prick. Killed himself.
650
00:29:55,584 --> 00:29:58,753
Yeah, oh, yeah.
I found the body.
651
00:29:58,754 --> 00:30:01,965
He slit his wrists.
He swallowed some pills.
652
00:30:01,966 --> 00:30:06,178
He put a bag over his head,
and he jumped from the bridge.
653
00:30:06,178 --> 00:30:08,263
It was a mess.
654
00:30:08,264 --> 00:30:09,223
That's terrible.
655
00:30:09,223 --> 00:30:13,018
Some people eat bugs. Ugh!
656
00:30:13,686 --> 00:30:14,019
Right.
657
00:30:14,020 --> 00:30:16,981
So what does this have to do
with getting straight As?
658
00:30:16,981 --> 00:30:18,899
Everything. You see,
659
00:30:18,899 --> 00:30:22,903
Daleman has always had
a problem with...
660
00:30:23,738 --> 00:30:24,697
suicide.
661
00:30:24,697 --> 00:30:26,281
BARTENDER:
You see...
662
00:30:27,199 --> 00:30:28,825
it seems you college kids,
663
00:30:28,826 --> 00:30:32,037
you have a real knack
for going wacko.
664
00:30:32,288 --> 00:30:32,997
They have a rule
665
00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:36,834
that if your roommate
kills himself...
666
00:30:36,834 --> 00:30:40,295
you get straight As.
- Yeah, they do.
667
00:30:41,047 --> 00:30:43,257
It's like a consolation prize.
668
00:30:43,257 --> 00:30:45,926
Yeah, it relieves
tension or something.
669
00:30:45,926 --> 00:30:50,263
My intestines are
over two miles long.
670
00:30:50,771 --> 00:30:52,229
Is that true?
DRUNK MAN: Yeah.
671
00:30:52,253 --> 00:30:52,683
It's true.
672
00:30:52,683 --> 00:30:54,267
No, no, no. The rules.
673
00:30:54,268 --> 00:30:55,811
Mmm. Yes.
- Yes. Yes.
674
00:30:55,811 --> 00:30:58,730
Oh, okay, well, yeah,
that... that makes sense.
675
00:30:58,731 --> 00:31:00,774
I mean, 'cause you can't be
expected to study
676
00:31:00,775 --> 00:31:04,111
if you're, uh, grieving
for your dead roommate.
677
00:31:04,111 --> 00:31:07,614
I... I know I couldn't study
if you died.
678
00:31:08,157 --> 00:31:09,867
You can't study now.
679
00:31:09,867 --> 00:31:11,952
So these rules, they got them
written down somewhere?
680
00:31:11,952 --> 00:31:14,412
Probably the library.
- The library, Josh.
681
00:31:14,413 --> 00:31:17,165
(CHUCKLES) You know
where that is, don't you?
682
00:31:17,166 --> 00:31:19,293
Take me to the library.
683
00:31:21,670 --> 00:31:25,090
This must be a great college
to have all these books.
684
00:31:25,091 --> 00:31:25,382
Shh.
685
00:31:25,383 --> 00:31:27,218
(WHISPERS) How are we gonna find
that charter?
686
00:31:27,218 --> 00:31:29,929
How are we gonna find
our way out of here?
687
00:31:30,429 --> 00:31:32,139
Will you grow up?
688
00:31:32,306 --> 00:31:33,932
(SIGHS)
689
00:31:33,933 --> 00:31:35,643
JOSH: Here it is.
690
00:31:37,019 --> 00:31:39,354
Oh, you... you found it.
691
00:31:40,022 --> 00:31:42,274
Wow. The college charter.
692
00:31:42,274 --> 00:31:44,943
I'm gonna go upstairs
and study, so have fun.
693
00:31:44,944 --> 00:31:47,738
Wait a minute.
Aren't you even curious?
694
00:31:47,738 --> 00:31:49,781
No. It's totally ridiculous.
695
00:31:49,782 --> 00:31:52,409
Don't leave me down here alone.
696
00:31:52,410 --> 00:31:54,870
Libraries give me the creeps.
697
00:31:55,329 --> 00:31:57,914
"Each student who..."
698
00:31:58,332 --> 00:32:00,709
Hmm. What the...
699
00:32:01,252 --> 00:32:02,962
Holy shit!
700
00:32:03,462 --> 00:32:05,464
Holy shit! J... listen.
701
00:32:05,464 --> 00:32:07,716
Uh. "A student
found to have died
702
00:32:07,716 --> 00:32:09,384
as a result of his own
willful act will...
703
00:32:09,385 --> 00:32:12,971
Uh. Any other student residing
in the same housing unit
704
00:32:12,972 --> 00:32:14,974
of said students
shall be rewarded grades
705
00:32:14,974 --> 00:32:18,769
of the highest order regardless
of academic standing."
706
00:32:18,769 --> 00:32:20,979
What the hell does this mean?
Is this it?
707
00:32:20,980 --> 00:32:23,732
That's it.
- (CHUCKLES)
708
00:32:23,732 --> 00:32:27,444
What are you doing?
- Well, we've got to copy this.
709
00:32:28,154 --> 00:32:28,904
For proof.
710
00:32:28,904 --> 00:32:30,947
COOPER: Josh! Oh, hey, Josh!
BOY 1: Shh.
711
00:32:30,948 --> 00:32:32,866
BOY 2: Shh!
BOY 3: Shut up!
712
00:32:32,867 --> 00:32:33,492
Josh, where you going?
713
00:32:33,492 --> 00:32:36,369
Look, Josh, I finished.
I finished copying.
714
00:32:36,370 --> 00:32:38,121
It wasn't really that hard.
BOY: Shh!
715
00:32:38,122 --> 00:32:40,415
Wow. Look at all these people.
716
00:32:40,791 --> 00:32:41,958
Shh!
717
00:32:41,959 --> 00:32:43,377
(WHISPERS) Right.
718
00:32:44,503 --> 00:32:46,379
(SIGHS)
719
00:32:52,470 --> 00:32:53,804
I'm not gonna kill myself,
720
00:32:53,804 --> 00:32:55,388
in case that's what
you're wondering.
721
00:32:55,389 --> 00:32:56,973
Come on. Be a sport.
722
00:32:56,974 --> 00:32:59,851
I mean, you're fucked anyway.
At least this way,
723
00:32:59,852 --> 00:33:01,937
one of us comes out on top.
724
00:33:01,937 --> 00:33:05,857
Then you kill yourself.
- No, I can't see that working.
725
00:33:05,858 --> 00:33:06,942
Look, just forget it.
- Josh, please.
726
00:33:06,942 --> 00:33:10,028
Cooper, I'm done helping you.
- All I'm asking you to do...
727
00:33:10,029 --> 00:33:11,947
(SHUSHING)
GIRL: Quiet!
728
00:33:11,947 --> 00:33:13,865
Josh, wait. What about Kyle?
729
00:33:13,866 --> 00:33:16,368
Who's Kyle?
- Kyle, our other roommate.
730
00:33:16,368 --> 00:33:18,244
The... the one from
the catholic school.
731
00:33:18,245 --> 00:33:20,538
He could kill himself.
It's perfect.
732
00:33:20,539 --> 00:33:22,415
Are you talking about murder,
Cooper?
733
00:33:22,416 --> 00:33:24,835
'Cause if you are,
this conversation is over.
734
00:33:24,835 --> 00:33:26,211
No, I am not talking
about murder.
735
00:33:26,212 --> 00:33:28,297
Well, I don't want to be part
of your stupid plan,
736
00:33:28,297 --> 00:33:30,257
so just drop it.
- It's... it's simple.
737
00:33:30,257 --> 00:33:32,509
No, I mean it.
Just shut the shit up.
738
00:33:32,510 --> 00:33:35,554
Yeah, but all you...
Ah. (WHIMPERS)
739
00:33:35,554 --> 00:33:39,891
Suicidal impulses
come from feeling powerless
740
00:33:39,892 --> 00:33:41,310
over one's problems.
741
00:33:41,310 --> 00:33:43,895
So when someone
calls Daleman's Hotline,
742
00:33:43,896 --> 00:33:48,066
we make sure that the caller
feels in control of the...
743
00:33:48,067 --> 00:33:52,071
Young man, uh, would you
please take a seat?
744
00:33:53,489 --> 00:33:55,407
Now, the caller should be told
745
00:33:55,407 --> 00:33:57,992
that suicide
is never the answer.
746
00:33:57,993 --> 00:34:00,370
Well, say there's someone
really depressed...
747
00:34:00,371 --> 00:34:03,165
Could you raise your hand?
748
00:34:03,165 --> 00:34:05,542
Well, yeah. Oh... Okay.
749
00:34:05,876 --> 00:34:07,127
Say there's someone
really depressed,
750
00:34:07,127 --> 00:34:08,962
but he might not actually
kill himself.
751
00:34:08,963 --> 00:34:12,508
Why don't I answer questions
after the session?
752
00:34:12,508 --> 00:34:14,092
What would push him
over the edge?
753
00:34:14,093 --> 00:34:16,303
You know, send him running
for the razors?
754
00:34:16,303 --> 00:34:19,848
Anything come to mind?
- What?
755
00:34:20,599 --> 00:34:21,975
Oh, hi, Josh. Come on in.
756
00:34:21,976 --> 00:34:24,436
I got a note.
You wanted to see me?
757
00:34:24,436 --> 00:34:26,187
I just wanted
to check up on you,
758
00:34:26,188 --> 00:34:28,356
make sure your head's
still above water.
759
00:34:28,357 --> 00:34:31,109
Well, I don't know how well
I did on my midterms.
760
00:34:31,110 --> 00:34:33,237
I ju... I was distracted,
761
00:34:33,237 --> 00:34:35,948
but I'm not gonna do anything
but study from here on out.
762
00:34:35,948 --> 00:34:38,617
Just remember you have
to keep a B plus average
763
00:34:38,617 --> 00:34:40,952
to keep your scholarship.
764
00:34:41,996 --> 00:34:42,496
What?
765
00:34:42,496 --> 00:34:43,955
You must keep a B plus average,
766
00:34:43,956 --> 00:34:46,041
or they'll revoke
your scholarship.
767
00:34:46,041 --> 00:34:47,917
No, not my scholarship.
I mean,
768
00:34:47,918 --> 00:34:49,628
they... they can't do that.
769
00:34:49,628 --> 00:34:51,087
Do you understand?
I need that scholarship.
770
00:34:52,159 --> 00:34:54,466
Josh, there's no reason to get so worked up.
(PHONE RINGING)
771
00:34:54,466 --> 00:34:58,136
I mean, it's not as if you
failed your midterms.
772
00:34:58,137 --> 00:34:59,596
Hi, honey.
773
00:35:02,975 --> 00:35:04,309
What?
774
00:35:08,147 --> 00:35:11,567
Well, thank you, Shirley.
You've been very helpful.
775
00:35:11,567 --> 00:35:14,528
Yes, I'll let you know
if the doctor needs those files.
776
00:35:14,528 --> 00:35:17,113
All right. Tell me, what...
777
00:35:17,114 --> 00:35:18,490
Hey!
778
00:35:18,490 --> 00:35:20,283
That was rude.
779
00:35:21,285 --> 00:35:23,996
Wow, Josh.
You don't look so good.
780
00:35:23,996 --> 00:35:25,664
Why should I look good?
781
00:35:25,664 --> 00:35:28,291
These are my midterm scores.
782
00:35:28,292 --> 00:35:29,918
And these are the scores
783
00:35:29,918 --> 00:35:31,669
that I would need
to get on my finals
784
00:35:31,670 --> 00:35:33,129
in order to keep my scholarship.
785
00:35:33,130 --> 00:35:36,591
And there's no mathematical way
that I can get these scores.
786
00:35:36,592 --> 00:35:40,554
I would need
four A plus plus pluses.
787
00:35:40,554 --> 00:35:42,138
I'm doomed!
788
00:35:42,431 --> 00:35:43,682
What's this doing here?
789
00:35:43,682 --> 00:35:44,349
Well, see, I... I...
790
00:35:44,350 --> 00:35:47,561
Cooper, when I got here, I was on a track.
- (SIGHS)
791
00:35:47,561 --> 00:35:51,022
Do you know what
a track is? Chalk.
792
00:35:51,023 --> 00:35:55,523
A track is a beautiful, wonderful thing.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
793
00:35:56,028 --> 00:35:57,529
It's a goal. It's a track.
794
00:35:57,529 --> 00:36:01,991
It's always moving forward
on a track.
795
00:36:01,992 --> 00:36:05,453
Well, I don't have a track.
796
00:36:05,454 --> 00:36:07,664
I have nothing. I'm dead.
797
00:36:07,665 --> 00:36:10,334
You're lookin' at a dead man.
798
00:36:10,334 --> 00:36:13,628
(CHUCKLES) Well, then you're in!
799
00:36:13,629 --> 00:36:16,006
I mean, this is great.
800
00:36:16,382 --> 00:36:17,091
Great?
801
00:36:17,091 --> 00:36:19,384
Well, I'm just saying...
- Cooper! You...
802
00:36:19,385 --> 00:36:21,178
You...
What's wrong with you?
803
00:36:21,178 --> 00:36:21,970
You take the cake!
804
00:36:21,970 --> 00:36:25,223
Cooper! Do you know
that Cooper? Uh!
805
00:36:25,724 --> 00:36:28,268
(GROANS)
806
00:36:28,268 --> 00:36:31,062
COOPER: You're okay.
You're okay, huh?
807
00:36:31,063 --> 00:36:32,981
Huh? Just shake it off.
808
00:36:32,981 --> 00:36:35,692
(JOSH GRUNTING)
Now, we have a way out,
809
00:36:35,693 --> 00:36:37,236
and it's the best loophole ever,
810
00:36:37,236 --> 00:36:39,571
and it's gonna save
both of our asses,
811
00:36:39,571 --> 00:36:41,197
So just mellow.
- (GROANS)
812
00:36:41,198 --> 00:36:42,616
Here, put this on your nose.
- Ah, Cooper.
813
00:36:42,616 --> 00:36:46,494
No, no, no. My whole vision
is right here...
814
00:36:46,495 --> 00:36:49,706
on this blackboard.
- In what language?
815
00:36:49,707 --> 00:36:52,543
Well, my penmanship's
kind of gone to shit,
816
00:36:52,543 --> 00:36:55,504
but basically, here is Mr. Z.
817
00:36:55,504 --> 00:36:56,588
Who's Mr. Z?
818
00:36:56,588 --> 00:37:00,174
Mr. Z is the most suicidal guy
on campus.
819
00:37:00,175 --> 00:37:02,594
Mr. Z is the guy
who's gonna kill himself
820
00:37:02,594 --> 00:37:03,469
whether he lives with us or not,
821
00:37:03,470 --> 00:37:05,472
so I figure, he might
as well live with us
822
00:37:05,472 --> 00:37:06,389
so his death won't be in vain.
823
00:37:06,390 --> 00:37:08,433
Now, we find him
at the mental health clinic,
824
00:37:08,434 --> 00:37:10,352
he moves in, he kills himself,
825
00:37:10,352 --> 00:37:12,354
and here's you keeping
your scholarship,
826
00:37:12,354 --> 00:37:15,648
and here's me saying,
"Flush off, Flushles."
827
00:37:15,649 --> 00:37:16,232
(CHUCKLES)
828
00:37:16,233 --> 00:37:19,110
Look, I have enough to deal with
without you mind-fucking me.
829
00:37:19,111 --> 00:37:22,614
No, no, no, Josh.
I am not mind-fucking you, okay?
830
00:37:22,614 --> 00:37:26,451
I am so dead serious.
I am, like, in the zone.
831
00:37:26,452 --> 00:37:29,204
Come on, Josh! Oh, Josh.
832
00:37:29,204 --> 00:37:30,788
Oh, Josh.
833
00:37:30,789 --> 00:37:34,793
Okay, the bottom line is
you work in the housing office.
834
00:37:34,793 --> 00:37:37,128
I need you.
I can't do it without you,
835
00:37:37,129 --> 00:37:38,755
so you might as well
give it a go.
836
00:37:38,756 --> 00:37:39,590
What have you got to lose?
837
00:37:39,590 --> 00:37:42,634
Forget it, Cooper. Your brain
is permanently fried.
838
00:37:42,634 --> 00:37:43,635
You need help.
- Oh, come on.
839
00:37:43,635 --> 00:37:45,345
I would never
in a bajillion years
840
00:37:45,345 --> 00:37:48,806
follow you on some idiotic
wild-goose chase! Never!
841
00:37:48,807 --> 00:37:51,726
Say no more.
I understand, okay?
842
00:37:52,186 --> 00:37:53,604
Oh, by the way,
there's a message
843
00:37:53,604 --> 00:37:57,399
for you on the machine.
I think it's your mom.
844
00:37:59,318 --> 00:37:59,651
(BEEP)
845
00:37:59,651 --> 00:38:01,069
MOM: (OVER VOICE MESSAGE)
Hi, Joshie, it's Mom.
846
00:38:01,069 --> 00:38:03,696
(WHISPERS) Joshie?
MOM: ...sounded so worried when I talked to you.
847
00:38:03,697 --> 00:38:06,157
Listen, honey, you have
nothing to worry about.
848
00:38:06,158 --> 00:38:08,326
I mean, of course you'll do
well in college.
849
00:38:08,327 --> 00:38:11,163
You always surpass
my expectations.
850
00:38:11,163 --> 00:38:15,663
And I expect to see
straight As. Okay? Bye.
851
00:38:15,793 --> 00:38:17,836
Who is Mr. Z again?
852
00:38:17,836 --> 00:38:20,171
COOPER: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
(SHUTTER CLICKS)
853
00:38:20,172 --> 00:38:22,632
COOPER: There's one.
There's another one.
854
00:38:22,633 --> 00:38:25,093
Oh, yeah. Come on, baby.
855
00:38:25,093 --> 00:38:26,094
Oh, come to daddy.
856
00:38:26,094 --> 00:38:29,138
Oh, I gotcha. I gotcha.
Daddy's gotcha.
857
00:38:29,556 --> 00:38:32,100
Josh, you're not saying
anything.
858
00:38:32,100 --> 00:38:33,184
Yay. Yippee.
859
00:38:33,185 --> 00:38:34,352
Come on,
this is gonna be easy.
860
00:38:34,353 --> 00:38:35,687
Once we find out
who these guys are,
861
00:38:35,687 --> 00:38:37,438
we'll steal their files,
and we'll figure out
862
00:38:37,439 --> 00:38:39,566
which one's the most suicidal
of them all.
863
00:38:39,566 --> 00:38:43,528
Oh, yeah. This guy
looks really depressed.
864
00:38:43,529 --> 00:38:45,614
JOSH: Yeah.
This guy looks troubled.
865
00:38:45,614 --> 00:38:48,491
Cooper? Josh, is that you?
866
00:38:48,700 --> 00:38:50,326
(GASPS)
867
00:38:51,203 --> 00:38:52,245
(GRUNTS)
868
00:38:52,246 --> 00:38:53,580
What are you guys doing?
869
00:38:53,580 --> 00:38:56,666
Can... can we have
some privacy, please?
870
00:38:56,667 --> 00:38:59,252
Yeah, you got it.
- Yes. Of course.
871
00:38:59,253 --> 00:39:00,379
Yeah.
872
00:39:00,879 --> 00:39:02,255
(SIGHS)
873
00:39:02,256 --> 00:39:03,131
Wow, that was close.
874
00:39:03,131 --> 00:39:05,716
Cooper, they probably think
that we're making out back here.
875
00:39:05,717 --> 00:39:09,137
I know. They're totally
in the dark.
876
00:39:19,398 --> 00:39:21,900
(JOSH GRUNTS)
COOPER: Josh!
877
00:39:21,900 --> 00:39:23,860
JOSH:
Where we going?
878
00:39:33,537 --> 00:39:34,871
JOSH:
This is insanity.
879
00:39:34,872 --> 00:39:36,415
We're gonna get
kicked out of school
880
00:39:36,415 --> 00:39:37,290
before we ever flunk out.
881
00:39:37,291 --> 00:39:39,126
How we gonna figure out
who's really nutso
882
00:39:39,126 --> 00:39:40,877
and who's just
having a bad week?
883
00:39:40,878 --> 00:39:44,256
Here, take this rope,
hook me up.
884
00:39:45,799 --> 00:39:46,633
(SIGHS)
885
00:39:46,633 --> 00:39:49,344
Now, remember,
your code name is Dinah.
886
00:39:49,344 --> 00:39:50,553
What's yours?
- Panther.
887
00:39:50,554 --> 00:39:54,266
Why do you get to be Panther?
- (EXHALES SHARPLY)
888
00:39:55,434 --> 00:39:56,726
Huh?
889
00:39:57,436 --> 00:39:58,895
COOPER: Jimmy.
890
00:40:01,398 --> 00:40:03,483
(GRUNTS)
891
00:40:04,234 --> 00:40:05,818
Oh, please.
892
00:40:05,819 --> 00:40:08,780
COOPER: (GRUNTS)
A little help here.
893
00:40:08,780 --> 00:40:10,406
Yeah, sure.
894
00:40:12,659 --> 00:40:14,577
COOPER: Now,
I'm gonna wrap this rope
895
00:40:14,578 --> 00:40:16,913
around this pipe for leverage.
896
00:40:20,876 --> 00:40:21,668
(GRUNTS)
897
00:40:21,668 --> 00:40:25,296
I'm risking my life for you.
Remember that.
898
00:40:25,297 --> 00:40:26,965
I'm lowering you
12 feet into an office.
899
00:40:26,965 --> 00:40:29,467
I'm not even sure
we need rope.
900
00:40:33,388 --> 00:40:36,641
COOPER: Okay. Keep it slow.
(JOSH GRUNTING)
901
00:40:36,642 --> 00:40:38,393
That's good. That's great.
902
00:40:38,393 --> 00:40:39,977
Keep it right there.
That's perfect.
903
00:40:39,978 --> 00:40:42,689
Okay, you're doing good, Dinah.
(JOSH GRUNTING)
904
00:40:42,689 --> 00:40:45,525
COOPER:
Slow and steady, Dinah.
905
00:40:45,525 --> 00:40:46,651
JOSH:
Yeah.
906
00:40:46,652 --> 00:40:51,152
Slow and steady.
Dinah! Slow and steady!
907
00:40:51,823 --> 00:40:53,658
(BOTH GRUNT)
908
00:40:53,659 --> 00:40:56,745
That's good, Dinah.
Slow and steady.
909
00:40:56,745 --> 00:41:00,206
Whoa! Slow! Dinah!
910
00:41:00,624 --> 00:41:02,626
Slow!
(GROANS)
911
00:41:04,336 --> 00:41:05,545
I'm in.
912
00:41:18,558 --> 00:41:21,811
Entering north corridor. Over.
913
00:41:22,312 --> 00:41:23,688
Be careful.
914
00:41:26,316 --> 00:41:28,943
COOPER: (WHISPERS) Dinah,
I have reached the file room.
915
00:41:28,944 --> 00:41:32,530
I'm not Dinah anymore.
I'm Cobra.
916
00:41:32,531 --> 00:41:33,990
Whatever.
917
00:41:35,701 --> 00:41:38,578
(CLATTERING)
918
00:41:39,037 --> 00:41:39,746
Jesus Christ! I'm lost!
919
00:41:39,746 --> 00:41:41,956
COOPER: (OVER RADIO) I need
directions. Where do I go?
920
00:41:41,957 --> 00:41:45,794
I'm on it, I'm on it.
All right. Here it is.
921
00:41:45,794 --> 00:41:46,544
Go right. No, no, no.
922
00:41:46,545 --> 00:41:50,966
Go left into the middle aisle
past the numbered section.
923
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:54,010
Dinah, I think I see it.
924
00:41:55,887 --> 00:41:58,973
Dinah, I found it,
I found the file cabinet.
925
00:41:58,974 --> 00:42:01,685
(GRUNTS) It's locked.
I'll use my jimmy.
926
00:42:01,685 --> 00:42:03,561
Uh! Where's my jimmy?
927
00:42:03,562 --> 00:42:04,854
I got your jimmy right here.
928
00:42:04,855 --> 00:42:06,898
COOPER: (OVER RADIO)
I need my jimmy.
929
00:42:06,898 --> 00:42:09,734
No, jimmy.
Repeat, no jimmy.
930
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:12,862
(GROANS)
931
00:42:14,072 --> 00:42:16,365
(GRUNTS)
932
00:42:16,366 --> 00:42:18,659
Come on! Oh! Got it!
933
00:42:18,660 --> 00:42:23,160
(INDISTINCT CHATTER
OVER GUARD'S RADIO)
934
00:42:27,753 --> 00:42:30,005
JOSH:
Holy moly!
935
00:42:31,757 --> 00:42:34,426
(WHISPERS)
Abort. Abort.
936
00:42:34,426 --> 00:42:35,427
Dinah, repeat.
You're breaking up.
937
00:42:35,427 --> 00:42:39,013
The security guards are here.
You got to get out of there.
938
00:42:42,100 --> 00:42:43,601
Oh, shit!
939
00:42:45,353 --> 00:42:47,897
Hey, you!
- (WHIMPERS)
940
00:42:49,441 --> 00:42:50,984
GUARD: Hold it!
941
00:42:52,652 --> 00:42:54,779
Oh! (GRUNTS)
942
00:42:54,946 --> 00:42:57,406
Get me the fuck out of here.
Where do I go?
943
00:42:57,407 --> 00:42:59,117
South hallway!
Get out of there!
944
00:42:59,117 --> 00:43:01,786
COOPER: (OVER RADIO)
Dinah, save yourself!
945
00:43:05,540 --> 00:43:08,626
Whoa!
(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)
946
00:43:08,627 --> 00:43:11,338
Whoa! (GRUNTS)
947
00:43:13,048 --> 00:43:14,507
I'm out.
948
00:43:15,008 --> 00:43:17,885
(DISTANT SIREN)
949
00:43:17,886 --> 00:43:19,470
COOPER: Oh, yes! Yes! Yes!
950
00:43:19,471 --> 00:43:22,640
Were so Dam me!
Come on, say it with me.
951
00:43:22,641 --> 00:43:23,808
Van Damme!
(LAUGHS)
952
00:43:23,809 --> 00:43:24,559
Van Damme!
Van Damme!
953
00:43:24,559 --> 00:43:26,561
Van Damme! Van Damme!
Van Damme!
954
00:43:26,561 --> 00:43:27,979
All right,
now it's pathetic.
955
00:43:27,979 --> 00:43:31,482
One of these guys
is our lucky Mr. Z.
956
00:43:31,483 --> 00:43:33,026
Let's get busy.
957
00:43:34,820 --> 00:43:38,657
(BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
958
00:43:48,959 --> 00:43:51,127
We're really doing this, Cooper.
959
00:43:51,128 --> 00:43:54,548
I know. We're so motivated.
960
00:43:58,844 --> 00:44:00,637
Hello. Professor Durkheim?
961
00:44:00,637 --> 00:44:03,181
What can I do for you?
- Hi. I'm Josh Miller.
962
00:44:03,181 --> 00:44:05,850
DURKHEIM: Come in, come in.
Sit down.
963
00:44:05,851 --> 00:44:07,018
Are you one of my students?
964
00:44:07,018 --> 00:44:10,688
No, no. I, uh, I was just
in the neighborhood,
965
00:44:10,689 --> 00:44:12,524
I thought I'd pop in.
966
00:44:12,899 --> 00:44:13,858
Nobody just pops into
967
00:44:13,859 --> 00:44:15,944
the Psych department,
Mr. Miller.
968
00:44:15,944 --> 00:44:17,445
No, they don't.
969
00:44:17,445 --> 00:44:20,573
DURKHEIM: You seem nervous,
Mr. Miller.
970
00:44:20,740 --> 00:44:22,616
Nervous? Me?
971
00:44:24,035 --> 00:44:26,746
No. Just had a question.
972
00:44:27,706 --> 00:44:28,998
Um...
973
00:44:28,999 --> 00:44:30,000
I don't know how to put this.
974
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:33,044
If, um, somebody
was really depressed
975
00:44:33,044 --> 00:44:35,921
and contemplating suicide...
976
00:44:35,922 --> 00:44:37,506
Is this a personal question?
977
00:44:37,507 --> 00:44:42,007
Oh, no. No, no.
I'm just curious. (CHUCKLES)
978
00:44:43,597 --> 00:44:45,098
Hmm.
979
00:44:45,599 --> 00:44:48,602
Why don't you tell me
about yourself, Josh?
980
00:44:49,227 --> 00:44:50,770
Where you from?
981
00:44:52,522 --> 00:44:53,606
RACHEL:
Hey, Josh.
982
00:44:53,607 --> 00:44:55,233
Hey, stranger,
where have you been?
983
00:44:55,233 --> 00:44:57,485
I thought you died
or something.
984
00:44:57,485 --> 00:44:59,945
Died? No, no, no.
Nobody died.
985
00:44:59,946 --> 00:45:04,241
Oh, good, good.
Um. So, here it is.
986
00:45:04,242 --> 00:45:06,202
What is it?
- Uh. It's my short story.
987
00:45:06,203 --> 00:45:07,204
You said you wanted to read it
988
00:45:07,204 --> 00:45:08,955
when I was done,
and I'm done, so...
989
00:45:08,955 --> 00:45:11,666
Oh, yeah, that's great.
Hey, you wouldn't happen
990
00:45:11,666 --> 00:45:14,794
to have a shorter short story,
would you?
991
00:45:14,794 --> 00:45:17,254
Josh! Hey, Josh!
992
00:45:17,255 --> 00:45:19,757
What?
- We need to make some decisions
993
00:45:19,758 --> 00:45:21,050
right now.
Hey, Rachel.
994
00:45:21,051 --> 00:45:22,802
Hey, Cooper.
- In a minute.
995
00:45:22,802 --> 00:45:26,472
No, right now.
Don't make me come down there.
996
00:45:26,765 --> 00:45:29,893
I got to go,
but I want to see you.
997
00:45:29,893 --> 00:45:31,895
You know,
I think about you...
998
00:45:32,103 --> 00:45:32,937
all the time.
999
00:45:32,938 --> 00:45:36,942
Well, we'll hang out sometime.
Will... will you call me?
1000
00:45:36,942 --> 00:45:38,860
Oh, yeah.
- Okay.
1001
00:45:38,860 --> 00:45:40,236
Josh!
1002
00:45:41,071 --> 00:45:41,821
(HUFFS)
1003
00:45:41,821 --> 00:45:43,906
I'll see you.
- All right.
1004
00:45:44,824 --> 00:45:46,909
Would you hurry up?
Where have you been?
1005
00:45:46,910 --> 00:45:49,162
Look, I borrowed these
books from the library.
1006
00:45:49,162 --> 00:45:51,706
They actually let you
do that. Here.
1007
00:45:51,706 --> 00:45:53,082
What did your professor say?
1008
00:45:53,083 --> 00:45:56,544
Oh. Not much.
He thinks I'm suicidal.
1009
00:45:56,544 --> 00:45:58,295
We have to choose
our Mr. Z right now,
1010
00:45:58,296 --> 00:46:00,214
and this guy, he is it, man.
1011
00:46:00,215 --> 00:46:02,884
Cliff O'Malley.
Look at those close-set eyes,
1012
00:46:02,884 --> 00:46:05,136
and that's drool.
That is definitely drool.
1013
00:46:05,136 --> 00:46:08,639
I don't know. I like these guys.
COOPER: Listen to this.
1014
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:10,266
"Patient has
an intense death wish.
1015
00:46:10,267 --> 00:46:13,937
Set bed on fire, reckless,
alcoholic, psychotic."
1016
00:46:13,937 --> 00:46:18,149
He's perfect. He's... he's...
- He's you.
1017
00:46:18,149 --> 00:46:19,817
You're gonna thank me
when we find
1018
00:46:19,818 --> 00:46:21,903
his dead body in our room.
1019
00:46:22,237 --> 00:46:23,655
He's kind of spooky,
Cooper.
1020
00:46:23,655 --> 00:46:25,990
(CHUCKLES) I'll tell you
what spooky is.
1021
00:46:25,991 --> 00:46:28,660
Spooky is no more college.
That's spooky.
1022
00:46:28,660 --> 00:46:31,996
Compared to that,
that guy's Mr. Bunny Foo Foo.
1023
00:46:32,956 --> 00:46:36,584
CLIFF:
Kappa Omega rules, baby!
1024
00:46:36,584 --> 00:46:39,044
Hey, Jeff, who am I, buddy?
1025
00:46:39,212 --> 00:46:41,756
I'm your sister! (LAUGHS)
1026
00:46:41,756 --> 00:46:43,090
Look out!
1027
00:46:43,925 --> 00:46:46,135
(HOWLS)
1028
00:46:46,136 --> 00:46:48,012
Okay, this is it, guys.
1029
00:46:48,638 --> 00:46:51,098
This is the big one.
1030
00:46:51,099 --> 00:46:53,851
Oh! Oh! Oh!
1031
00:46:54,269 --> 00:46:55,937
Whoo-hoo!
1032
00:46:55,937 --> 00:46:58,105
(LOUD HARD ROCK MUSIC
PLAYING)
1033
00:46:58,106 --> 00:46:58,773
Whoo!
1034
00:46:58,773 --> 00:47:02,318
Hey, Jeff, get a load
of this, buddy!
1035
00:47:02,610 --> 00:47:05,863
Kappa Omega!
1036
00:47:05,864 --> 00:47:07,198
Hey, boys!
1037
00:47:07,198 --> 00:47:09,867
You know, maybe this
isn't such a good idea.
1038
00:47:09,868 --> 00:47:12,203
Josh, we have
three weeks till finals.
1039
00:47:12,203 --> 00:47:14,163
He's our only hope.
(CLIFF SCREAMING)
1040
00:47:14,164 --> 00:47:15,790
And he wants to die.
(CLIFF SCREAMING)
1041
00:47:15,790 --> 00:47:18,751
Why can't he die in our room
with his new best friends?
1042
00:47:18,752 --> 00:47:22,756
(CLIFF SCREAMING)
Help! Help!
1043
00:47:23,798 --> 00:47:27,718
(CLIFF GROANING)
Oh, my God!
1044
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:29,137
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
1045
00:47:29,137 --> 00:47:30,346
Cliff?
1046
00:47:30,930 --> 00:47:31,722
Cliff O'Malley?
1047
00:47:31,723 --> 00:47:35,143
CLIFF:
Help me! Look out below!
1048
00:47:35,143 --> 00:47:36,894
(GIRL SCREAMING)
1049
00:47:36,895 --> 00:47:38,062
Hey, Cliff!
1050
00:47:38,063 --> 00:47:41,858
What, did you get hit, man?
Chill out, it's just water.
1051
00:47:41,858 --> 00:47:45,194
No, we just came here
to talk to you.
1052
00:47:46,279 --> 00:47:47,655
Ah.
1053
00:47:48,698 --> 00:47:49,281
Good.
1054
00:47:49,282 --> 00:47:52,994
I'm sick of the goddamn
whiners at this school.
1055
00:47:53,244 --> 00:47:55,287
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
1056
00:47:55,789 --> 00:47:56,706
Sit.
1057
00:47:56,706 --> 00:47:59,083
My God, I'm living
in a frat house,
1058
00:47:59,084 --> 00:48:01,044
and these fuckers
wanna kick me out
1059
00:48:01,044 --> 00:48:02,754
for not observing quiet hours?
1060
00:48:02,754 --> 00:48:05,423
Well, they can just
suck my quiet cock!
1061
00:48:05,423 --> 00:48:07,425
COOPER: You know, Cliff, uh,
we like to party.
1062
00:48:07,425 --> 00:48:11,011
I mean, we party all
the time, right, Josh?
1063
00:48:11,012 --> 00:48:12,430
Yeah, yeah. We party hard.
1064
00:48:12,430 --> 00:48:16,809
Really? I got some beers.
Let's drink 'em, huh?
1065
00:48:19,813 --> 00:48:20,939
Hey.
1066
00:48:21,815 --> 00:48:23,316
That one's not beer.
1067
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:31,783
(BELCHES, EXHALES)
1068
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:35,077
Quick, man, ki...
kick me in the junk.
1069
00:48:35,078 --> 00:48:37,830
Come on, man,
kick me in the junk!
1070
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:40,207
God...
1071
00:48:40,375 --> 00:48:43,753
damn, that's a rush! Oh!
1072
00:48:43,753 --> 00:48:46,338
♪ My name is Cliff
Brother of Joe ♪
1073
00:48:46,339 --> 00:48:50,217
♪ I got me some crack
I want me some hos! ♪
1074
00:48:50,218 --> 00:48:53,137
♪ Let me hear you
Say yeah ♪
1075
00:48:53,138 --> 00:48:54,013
Yeah.
1076
00:48:54,013 --> 00:48:56,974
♪ Let me hear you
Say yeah! ♪
1077
00:48:56,975 --> 00:48:58,017
BOTH: Yeah...
(CHUCKLES)
1078
00:48:58,017 --> 00:48:59,977
♪ Let me hear you
Say yeah! ♪
1079
00:48:59,978 --> 00:49:01,896
I just remembered,
I got to be somewhere.
1080
00:49:01,896 --> 00:49:02,855
No. Sit down, Josh.
1081
00:49:02,856 --> 00:49:04,899
Now, did you say they're trying
to kick you out of here?
1082
00:49:04,899 --> 00:49:09,320
Because actually we have
an open room where we live.
1083
00:49:09,821 --> 00:49:11,405
You know what?
I got to see Rachel.
1084
00:49:11,406 --> 00:49:14,283
Hey! You guys ever get horny?
1085
00:49:14,284 --> 00:49:16,452
Well, it depends on where
you're going with this.
1086
00:49:16,453 --> 00:49:19,998
'Cause I do, man. I get...
I get these urges sometimes.
1087
00:49:19,998 --> 00:49:23,084
I just... I gotta hump this lamp!
1088
00:49:23,835 --> 00:49:25,837
I gotta screw this couch!
1089
00:49:25,837 --> 00:49:29,006
(GRUNTS)
1090
00:49:29,966 --> 00:49:31,509
Hey!
1091
00:49:31,885 --> 00:49:33,970
You guys know any chicks
who like to party?
1092
00:49:33,970 --> 00:49:35,429
Josh does. I mean,
he's heading over
1093
00:49:35,430 --> 00:49:37,974
to a chick's room right now.
Uh...
1094
00:49:38,183 --> 00:49:39,893
Why don't we all go?
1095
00:49:39,893 --> 00:49:41,853
(FLAPPING TONGUE)
1096
00:49:42,979 --> 00:49:46,816
Yo, Parker!
Your ass is grass, man.
1097
00:49:46,816 --> 00:49:49,193
Hey, Krauss,
you wanna party, huh?
1098
00:49:49,194 --> 00:49:51,362
Say hello
to my new buddies, boys!
1099
00:49:51,362 --> 00:49:54,198
Hey, any of you women
wanna party or what?
1100
00:49:54,199 --> 00:49:55,742
(DOOR SHUTS)
1101
00:49:58,203 --> 00:49:59,913
(SNORTS)
1102
00:50:02,832 --> 00:50:04,917
(GRUNTS)
1103
00:50:04,918 --> 00:50:06,419
(EXHALES)
(COUGHS)
1104
00:50:06,419 --> 00:50:09,171
Which one of these chicks
is for me?
1105
00:50:09,506 --> 00:50:10,215
What?
1106
00:50:10,215 --> 00:50:12,508
Which one of these chicks
is for me?
1107
00:50:12,509 --> 00:50:13,176
Oh. I don't know.
1108
00:50:13,176 --> 00:50:16,304
Cliff, actually,
I think they're all lesbians.
1109
00:50:16,304 --> 00:50:18,472
Lesbians! (CHUCKLES)
1110
00:50:18,473 --> 00:50:19,557
(CHUCKLES)
1111
00:50:19,557 --> 00:50:23,018
You guys are fucking cool, man.
(CHUCKLES)
1112
00:50:23,019 --> 00:50:27,064
Hey, lesbos, how's it hangin'?
(SNICKERS)
1113
00:50:30,235 --> 00:50:31,527
Uh.
1114
00:50:32,070 --> 00:50:33,571
Nice room.
1115
00:50:35,573 --> 00:50:37,283
Wow!
1116
00:50:38,159 --> 00:50:41,203
Which one of you
painted this picture?
1117
00:50:41,829 --> 00:50:42,871
I... I did?
1118
00:50:42,872 --> 00:50:46,792
Oh. It's so smooth.
1119
00:50:48,419 --> 00:50:49,545
Hey.
1120
00:50:49,546 --> 00:50:52,215
Who wants to do a bong hit?
1121
00:50:52,590 --> 00:50:54,174
How about...
1122
00:50:56,261 --> 00:50:57,512
you!
1123
00:50:57,929 --> 00:50:59,263
(GASPS)
1124
00:50:59,597 --> 00:51:01,974
(FLAPPING TONGUE)
1125
00:51:02,433 --> 00:51:04,101
Here, I'll light it.
- That's okay.
1126
00:51:04,102 --> 00:51:05,436
I said I'll light it!
1127
00:51:05,436 --> 00:51:07,187
Okay.
- I'm a gentleman.
1128
00:51:07,188 --> 00:51:08,564
Hmm.
(CHUCKLES)
1129
00:51:11,067 --> 00:51:12,151
Fire! Fire!
1130
00:51:12,151 --> 00:51:14,278
(ALL SCREAM)
1131
00:51:14,279 --> 00:51:15,321
Whoa!
(LUCY SQUEALING)
1132
00:51:15,321 --> 00:51:17,239
RACHEL: Oh, my God, she's on fire!
- Hey!
1133
00:51:17,240 --> 00:51:19,408
Look out of the way!
I got it!
1134
00:51:19,409 --> 00:51:20,952
Move out of the way!
1135
00:51:20,952 --> 00:51:22,995
JOSH: No!
No! No!
1136
00:51:22,996 --> 00:51:25,373
Get off me! Get off me!
1137
00:51:25,373 --> 00:51:27,166
She's burning!
1138
00:51:27,166 --> 00:51:29,877
(ALL SCREAMING)
CLIFF: Goddamn it!
1139
00:51:31,129 --> 00:51:33,047
(GROANS)
1140
00:51:33,047 --> 00:51:33,589
Uh...
1141
00:51:33,590 --> 00:51:36,968
I guess a blowjob's
kind of out of the question.
1142
00:51:36,968 --> 00:51:37,927
(CHUCKLES)
1143
00:51:37,927 --> 00:51:39,303
This is your idea
of hanging out?
1144
00:51:39,304 --> 00:51:41,306
Where did you find this guy?
(CLIFF SCREAMING)
1145
00:51:41,306 --> 00:51:43,308
What? You don't like him?
(SCOFFS)
1146
00:51:43,308 --> 00:51:46,352
No. Josh, he set
Lucy's hair on fire.
1147
00:51:46,352 --> 00:51:47,394
He's psychotic.
(CLIFF SCREAMING)
1148
00:51:47,395 --> 00:51:51,649
Well, he's an acquired taste.
(CLIFF LAUGHING, GRUNTING)
1149
00:51:51,649 --> 00:51:54,485
Hey, get him out of here.
1150
00:51:54,485 --> 00:51:58,197
Ooh, I could just... On this...
1151
00:52:03,661 --> 00:52:05,954
You know, I don't get it.
1152
00:52:05,955 --> 00:52:07,164
'Cause whenever I'm on fire,
1153
00:52:07,165 --> 00:52:10,001
I remember to stop,
drop, and roll.
1154
00:52:10,001 --> 00:52:13,921
You don't just stand there
screaming like some chick!
1155
00:52:13,921 --> 00:52:17,382
Yeah.
- Uh. Don't worry about it.
1156
00:52:17,383 --> 00:52:21,053
I think I really screwed up
in there with Rachel.
1157
00:52:21,054 --> 00:52:22,513
(CHUCKLES)
1158
00:52:22,513 --> 00:52:25,474
Hey, screw those chicks, man.
1159
00:52:25,475 --> 00:52:28,186
You know what we ought to do?
We ought to go into town
1160
00:52:28,186 --> 00:52:30,354
and get us a couple of hookers, huh?
(BOTH GROAN)
1161
00:52:30,355 --> 00:52:32,690
I know just the hooker, too.
Her name's Carl.
1162
00:52:32,690 --> 00:52:34,983
She's beautiful, man.
1163
00:52:35,360 --> 00:52:37,570
I'm driving. Let's go.
1164
00:52:38,655 --> 00:52:39,989
Come on!
1165
00:52:39,989 --> 00:52:41,657
CLIFF:
Whoo-hoo!
1166
00:52:41,658 --> 00:52:44,952
Going to find Carl,
going to find Carl.
1167
00:52:44,952 --> 00:52:47,162
You know, I really
shouldn't be driving.
1168
00:52:47,163 --> 00:52:48,956
My license was revoked.
1169
00:52:48,956 --> 00:52:51,375
Really?
- For what?
1170
00:52:51,376 --> 00:52:54,295
Attempted
vehicular manslaughter.
1171
00:52:54,545 --> 00:52:55,212
That's good.
1172
00:52:55,213 --> 00:52:58,090
Whatever the fuck that means.
1173
00:52:58,716 --> 00:53:00,968
Whoo!
COOPER: Damn!
1174
00:53:00,968 --> 00:53:03,971
(HORN HONKS)
CLIFF: Whoo-hoo!
1175
00:53:04,389 --> 00:53:05,390
I love that!
1176
00:53:05,390 --> 00:53:08,351
Nothing like a good game
of chicken, boys!
1177
00:53:08,351 --> 00:53:09,643
(CHUCKLES)
1178
00:53:09,644 --> 00:53:12,938
Whoo!
(TIRE SCREECHES)
1179
00:53:18,027 --> 00:53:19,403
Whoo!
- Why are we stopped?
1180
00:53:19,404 --> 00:53:21,614
Yeah, why are we stopping?
1181
00:53:22,990 --> 00:53:24,574
(INDISTINCT CHATTER
OVER POLICE RADIO)
1182
00:53:24,575 --> 00:53:29,075
Josh, would you be so kind
as to ask the officer
1183
00:53:30,373 --> 00:53:32,291
where I-95 is?
1184
00:53:32,667 --> 00:53:34,377
COOPER: Josh.
1185
00:53:34,377 --> 00:53:35,628
Yeah, sure.
1186
00:53:37,296 --> 00:53:38,547
Excuse me, sir?
1187
00:53:38,548 --> 00:53:41,133
We were just wondering
if you could inform us, uh...
1188
00:53:41,134 --> 00:53:43,594
Hey. Do I smell a pig?
1189
00:53:43,594 --> 00:53:45,762
Dude, what are you doing?
- Hey, pig!
1190
00:53:45,763 --> 00:53:46,472
(MIMICS PIG)
- Hey!
1191
00:53:46,472 --> 00:53:47,681
OFFICER: That's enough.
Hey, little piggies!
1192
00:53:47,682 --> 00:53:50,601
COOPER: What are you, crazy?
(OFFICER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
1193
00:53:50,601 --> 00:53:52,185
CLIFF: All right, piggies!
1194
00:53:52,186 --> 00:53:56,231
(JOSH SCREAMS)
Oh! No! No!
1195
00:53:56,232 --> 00:53:57,274
(COOPER SCREAMING)
1196
00:53:57,275 --> 00:54:01,112
Hey, have you ever been
in a high-speed chase before?
1197
00:54:01,112 --> 00:54:02,488
It's intense!
1198
00:54:02,488 --> 00:54:05,741
(SIREN WAILING)
Just bring it on, bacon!
1199
00:54:05,742 --> 00:54:08,453
Oh, Cliff!
CLIFF: (SCREAMS) Wait!
1200
00:54:08,453 --> 00:54:10,413
I got a damn good idea.
1201
00:54:10,413 --> 00:54:12,081
(OPENS GLOVE COMPARTMENT)
1202
00:54:12,081 --> 00:54:13,165
They hate it when you do this.
1203
00:54:13,166 --> 00:54:15,793
COOPER: That's a gun. That's a gun!
- Ah!
1204
00:54:15,793 --> 00:54:17,377
COOPER: That's a gun!
1205
00:54:17,378 --> 00:54:18,462
(SCREAMS)
1206
00:54:18,463 --> 00:54:21,132
CLIFF: Come on, copper!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
1207
00:54:21,132 --> 00:54:24,468
Hey, guys, I think
we're losing them!
1208
00:54:24,469 --> 00:54:25,511
(GUNFIRE)
1209
00:54:25,511 --> 00:54:27,304
Hey, guys!
1210
00:54:27,305 --> 00:54:30,141
CLIFF:
You Goddamn pussies!
1211
00:54:30,141 --> 00:54:32,518
(JOSH AND COOPER GRUNT)
1212
00:54:36,230 --> 00:54:38,398
(BOTH GROAN)
1213
00:54:39,192 --> 00:54:41,110
(GRUNTS)
1214
00:54:41,110 --> 00:54:42,528
(SIGHS)
1215
00:54:42,528 --> 00:54:44,071
You okay?
1216
00:54:44,071 --> 00:54:46,782
(BOTH LAUGH)
1217
00:54:47,158 --> 00:54:50,202
This is the last time
I listen to you.
1218
00:54:50,453 --> 00:54:53,080
(GRUNTS)
COOPER: What?
1219
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:55,457
JOSH:
Where the hell are we?
1220
00:54:55,458 --> 00:54:56,333
COOPER: It's no big deal.
1221
00:54:56,334 --> 00:55:00,171
We'll just hitchhike
our way back to campus.
1222
00:55:02,215 --> 00:55:05,426
Josh, stick out your thumb,
or they won't see you.
1223
00:55:11,808 --> 00:55:13,768
MAN 1: Got the puck.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1224
00:55:13,768 --> 00:55:14,810
MAN 1: Come on, come on.
1225
00:55:14,811 --> 00:55:17,188
MAN 2: Yeah! Hit me! Hit me!
(MAN LAUGHING)
1226
00:55:17,188 --> 00:55:17,855
MAN 2: I'm open!
1227
00:55:17,855 --> 00:55:20,524
MAN 1: Oh.
MAN 2: Yeah! Oh.
1228
00:55:20,525 --> 00:55:22,401
(ALL GASP)
1229
00:55:22,401 --> 00:55:24,778
Fellas, what's happening?
1230
00:55:25,238 --> 00:55:27,490
How's it going?
- All right.
1231
00:55:28,783 --> 00:55:31,202
I think they're having
a little lovers quarrel.
1232
00:55:31,202 --> 00:55:32,536
(CHUCKLES)
What are you talking about?
1233
00:55:32,537 --> 00:55:35,081
We saw them making out
in the bushes the other day.
1234
00:55:35,081 --> 00:55:36,332
Bullshit.
(LAUGHING)
1235
00:55:36,332 --> 00:55:37,708
JOSH:
Look, neither of us
1236
00:55:37,708 --> 00:55:39,876
have ever done anything
like this before,
1237
00:55:39,877 --> 00:55:41,295
so if we're gonna
go through with it,
1238
00:55:41,295 --> 00:55:43,422
I want us to be safe!
COOPER: Well, fine.
1239
00:55:43,422 --> 00:55:45,674
I just thought you and I
were tight back there.
1240
00:55:45,675 --> 00:55:46,759
Just don't ever
pull out on me again.
1241
00:55:46,759 --> 00:55:48,427
JOSH: I pulled out
because I don't think you know
1242
00:55:48,427 --> 00:55:50,804
what you're doing!
COOPER: I'm taking over from here.
1243
00:55:50,805 --> 00:55:53,432
You know, Josh,
you are so anal!
1244
00:55:53,432 --> 00:55:54,641
(ALL GASP)
1245
00:55:59,397 --> 00:56:01,607
Here's our man.
Buckley Schrank.
1246
00:56:01,607 --> 00:56:04,359
He's paranoid, delusional,
suicidal urges,
1247
00:56:04,360 --> 00:56:07,488
attempted to give himself
a lobotomy.
1248
00:56:07,488 --> 00:56:07,863
Yeah, but...
1249
00:56:07,864 --> 00:56:10,616
No, don't but me.
He's my guy. He's great.
1250
00:56:10,616 --> 00:56:12,701
We've got two weeks
to move him in here
1251
00:56:12,702 --> 00:56:14,245
and push him over the edge.
1252
00:56:14,245 --> 00:56:16,830
Let's at least
check him out first.
1253
00:56:18,207 --> 00:56:19,499
Fine.
1254
00:56:19,500 --> 00:56:22,127
(KEYBOARD CLICKING)
1255
00:56:28,384 --> 00:56:29,468
(SCREAMS)
1256
00:56:29,468 --> 00:56:31,428
Hey, man.
What are you working on?
1257
00:56:31,429 --> 00:56:33,431
Uh. Nothing. Stuff.
1258
00:56:33,431 --> 00:56:34,849
Why?
- Looks interesting.
1259
00:56:34,849 --> 00:56:36,225
Uh. It's not.
1260
00:56:36,225 --> 00:56:38,644
You like computers?
- No.
1261
00:56:38,644 --> 00:56:40,395
Uh. Maybe. Why?
1262
00:56:40,396 --> 00:56:42,815
You a computer science major?
1263
00:56:43,316 --> 00:56:46,152
No. I don't understand.
1264
00:56:46,485 --> 00:56:47,444
Who are you?
1265
00:56:47,445 --> 00:56:49,238
Cooper.
- Josh.
1266
00:56:49,238 --> 00:56:51,281
Going...
- To lunch.
1267
00:56:51,699 --> 00:56:52,783
I got a class.
1268
00:56:52,783 --> 00:56:55,285
Coming through.
Excuse me. Bye-bye.
1269
00:56:55,286 --> 00:56:58,580
(CHUCKLES) Take care.
Time is money. (LAUGHING)
1270
00:56:58,581 --> 00:57:01,750
I'm a busy beaver.
Very busy beaver.
1271
00:57:02,501 --> 00:57:04,377
(SCREAMS)
1272
00:57:04,837 --> 00:57:06,672
All right. Okay.
1273
00:57:06,672 --> 00:57:08,924
Stand back. Stand back.
1274
00:57:08,925 --> 00:57:13,304
Nothing to see here. Get out of my way!
GIRL: Hey!
1275
00:57:13,304 --> 00:57:14,638
BUCKLEY:
Move it!
1276
00:57:14,639 --> 00:57:16,474
GIRL:
Hi, guys.
1277
00:57:16,474 --> 00:57:18,726
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1278
00:57:30,988 --> 00:57:32,280
(SIGHS)
1279
00:57:32,281 --> 00:57:33,532
Thought you said
you had a class.
1280
00:57:33,532 --> 00:57:36,493
No, it's just...
COOPER: You lied to us.
1281
00:57:39,497 --> 00:57:40,498
Watch out! Watch out!
1282
00:57:40,498 --> 00:57:43,334
There are people on this campus
that are trying to kill me.
1283
00:57:43,334 --> 00:57:45,502
What?
- Yeah, my cousin Virgil is making bombs...
1284
00:57:45,503 --> 00:57:46,921
Are you finished with this?
BUCKLEY: No.
1285
00:57:46,921 --> 00:57:50,674
No. No, I'm not.
No, thank you. Thank you. No!
1286
00:57:50,675 --> 00:57:53,260
No. Bring it on!
1287
00:57:53,678 --> 00:57:56,472
COOPER:
It's okay, it's okay.
1288
00:57:57,640 --> 00:57:59,266
What's in here, strychnine?
1289
00:57:59,266 --> 00:58:02,519
You see what I mean?
My therapist says I'm paranoid.
1290
00:58:02,520 --> 00:58:04,855
I... I got proof.
1291
00:58:04,855 --> 00:58:06,857
He's been co-opted.
1292
00:58:07,525 --> 00:58:10,986
The soil is not clean,
and don't think I'm wrong.
1293
00:58:10,987 --> 00:58:12,863
Heads up! Heads up! Look out!
1294
00:58:12,863 --> 00:58:14,739
Dirty soil! Dirty! Dirty!
1295
00:58:14,740 --> 00:58:16,658
My guy.
BUCKLEY: Dirty.
1296
00:58:16,659 --> 00:58:18,535
My guy. Yep.
1297
00:58:18,536 --> 00:58:19,578
We're gonna move him in today.
1298
00:58:19,578 --> 00:58:21,621
♪ There's people
Who'll get away ♪
1299
00:58:21,622 --> 00:58:24,625
♪ With what
You're trying to do ♪
1300
00:58:24,625 --> 00:58:27,794
♪ But I see we might
Not have your luck ♪
1301
00:58:27,795 --> 00:58:31,048
♪ All right, oh, baby
We're walkin' ♪
1302
00:58:31,048 --> 00:58:33,717
♪ I'm walkin' in the dark
So maybe we're guessing ♪
1303
00:58:33,718 --> 00:58:38,055
♪ Between the lines
Try and understand ♪
1304
00:58:38,055 --> 00:58:41,016
♪ Give me some reply ♪
1305
00:58:41,017 --> 00:58:43,561
♪ Give me some reply ♪
1306
00:58:43,728 --> 00:58:45,020
Hey!
1307
00:58:51,986 --> 00:58:52,903
Who is it?
1308
00:58:52,903 --> 00:58:54,613
COOPER: It's Cooper.
1309
00:58:55,906 --> 00:58:56,573
Remember me?
1310
00:58:56,574 --> 00:58:58,075
Yeah. I'm busy,
so, uh, go away.
1311
00:58:58,075 --> 00:59:01,369
Uh. Let me in
before they see me.
1312
00:59:01,620 --> 00:59:02,454
Before who sees you?
1313
00:59:02,455 --> 00:59:05,291
(WHISPERS)
I think I'm being followed.
1314
00:59:05,499 --> 00:59:07,334
You are being followed.
1315
00:59:08,794 --> 00:59:10,587
Oh, God. Come on!
1316
00:59:10,588 --> 00:59:12,381
What's going on?
Are you in some kind of trouble?
1317
00:59:12,381 --> 00:59:15,008
BUCKLEY: Listen, Kurt Cobain
didn't kill himself.
1318
00:59:15,009 --> 00:59:16,552
You understand?
He's not even dead.
1319
00:59:16,552 --> 00:59:19,680
He and Vince Foster are living
near Mount St. Helens.
1320
00:59:19,680 --> 00:59:22,599
You're kidding. Why?
- It's not their idea.
1321
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:24,643
They're being blackmailed
into it.
1322
00:59:24,643 --> 00:59:26,561
But the man responsible
is so rich,
1323
00:59:26,562 --> 00:59:28,855
so powerful,
he'll stop at nothing
1324
00:59:28,856 --> 00:59:31,608
to make sure this information
stays suppressed.
1325
00:59:31,609 --> 00:59:34,820
What's his name?
BUCKLEY: I can't tell you that!
1326
00:59:35,780 --> 00:59:36,113
Bill Gates.
1327
00:59:36,113 --> 00:59:37,948
Bill Gates?
What does he want from you?
1328
00:59:37,948 --> 00:59:40,617
My brain. I mean,
he's already got half of it.
1329
00:59:40,618 --> 00:59:41,869
I fell asleep at Newark Airport,
1330
00:59:41,869 --> 00:59:44,496
and now I'm this close
to taking my own life
1331
00:59:44,497 --> 00:59:47,291
so that I can stop
the apocalypse.
1332
00:59:47,583 --> 00:59:49,835
Well, sure, yeah.
That... that makes sense to me.
1333
00:59:49,835 --> 00:59:51,086
You...
you need to get out of here.
1334
00:59:51,087 --> 00:59:53,089
You know, we have an empty room
in our dorm.
1335
00:59:53,089 --> 00:59:54,965
They'll never find you in there.
1336
00:59:54,965 --> 00:59:57,842
(SIGHS) Oh, God.
1337
00:59:58,094 --> 00:59:59,804
Thanks, brother.
1338
00:59:59,804 --> 01:00:01,972
Sure, brother.
- (SNIFFLES) Oh.
1339
01:00:01,972 --> 01:00:04,808
Listen, I think they may be
spraying this building
1340
01:00:04,809 --> 01:00:07,853
with chemicals.
- (SNIFFS)
1341
01:00:07,853 --> 01:00:08,645
Neutrino beams.
1342
01:00:08,646 --> 01:00:12,691
They're trying to attract
my brain cells magnetically.
1343
01:00:14,652 --> 01:00:16,403
(SCREAMS)
1344
01:00:18,948 --> 01:00:22,368
RACHEL:
Excuse me, sir? Co... could you...
1345
01:00:22,743 --> 01:00:24,786
(CHUCKLES)
Josh, is that you?
1346
01:00:24,787 --> 01:00:26,371
JOSH: Oh!
1347
01:00:28,457 --> 01:00:30,167
JOSH: Uh. Excuse me! Look out!
1348
01:00:30,167 --> 01:00:32,419
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1349
01:00:34,505 --> 01:00:34,796
Okay.
1350
01:00:34,797 --> 01:00:37,841
JOSH:
Well, if you need anything,
1351
01:00:37,842 --> 01:00:38,676
we'll be right in here.
1352
01:00:38,676 --> 01:00:42,680
And later, you may even
want to try the chair.
1353
01:00:46,016 --> 01:00:49,019
I knew my guy was gonna work.
Was I right? Or was I right?
1354
01:00:49,019 --> 01:00:50,603
Oh, I gotta hand it to you.
He's good.
1355
01:00:50,604 --> 01:00:54,524
Good? Of course he's good.
He's the best. He's my guy.
1356
01:00:54,525 --> 01:00:55,692
I love my guy.
1357
01:00:55,693 --> 01:00:57,653
Uh. This is turning out
pretty good.
1358
01:00:57,653 --> 01:00:59,488
Not that you picked a bad guy.
1359
01:00:59,488 --> 01:01:01,823
He just turned out to be
a complete maniac.
1360
01:01:01,824 --> 01:01:03,951
Talk about missing links.
(SCOFFS)
1361
01:01:03,951 --> 01:01:07,120
Probably band of scientists out
looking for him right now.
1362
01:01:07,121 --> 01:01:08,163
Dudes!
(SCREAMS)
1363
01:01:08,164 --> 01:01:12,664
Hey. Guys, you gotta help me
out. The cops are after me.
1364
01:01:12,877 --> 01:01:15,170
I mean,
I was just out drivin along,
1365
01:01:15,171 --> 01:01:19,133
they pulled me over,
I was minding my own business...
1366
01:01:19,633 --> 01:01:21,843
Uh. I need a place to crash.
1367
01:01:25,514 --> 01:01:26,973
Hey...
1368
01:01:27,641 --> 01:01:29,809
this room's decent.
1369
01:01:31,896 --> 01:01:35,232
Yeah! This is gonna be sweet!
1370
01:01:35,608 --> 01:01:36,984
(GRUNTS)
1371
01:01:38,235 --> 01:01:39,694
Hey...
1372
01:01:40,738 --> 01:01:42,740
a math award.
1373
01:01:42,740 --> 01:01:44,742
You know, I knew you guys
were smart
1374
01:01:44,742 --> 01:01:45,617
when you bailed out of the car.
1375
01:01:45,618 --> 01:01:48,912
Wha... I... I didn't really want
to jump, but Josh, he was...
1376
01:01:48,913 --> 01:01:49,872
CLIFF: Hey!
1377
01:01:49,872 --> 01:01:52,916
Look. I took a bullet wound
for you.
1378
01:01:52,917 --> 01:01:56,170
Thirty eight at close range,
huh? How does it look?
1379
01:01:56,170 --> 01:01:59,798
Uh. It's a little red.
(LAUGHS)
1380
01:01:59,798 --> 01:02:01,883
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
1381
01:02:02,509 --> 01:02:03,551
The... the cops!
1382
01:02:03,552 --> 01:02:04,970
Shh!
- (WHISPERS) I'm not here.
1383
01:02:04,970 --> 01:02:06,221
I'm not here.
1384
01:02:06,222 --> 01:02:08,265
Come on.
- (GRUNTS)
1385
01:02:08,265 --> 01:02:09,975
Oh, I'm sorry.
1386
01:02:09,975 --> 01:02:11,267
Shh. What?
1387
01:02:11,268 --> 01:02:13,019
Hey, can I use the bathroom?
1388
01:02:13,020 --> 01:02:14,646
In a minute.
(BUCKLEY GROANS)
1389
01:02:14,647 --> 01:02:16,565
Cliff, you gotta hide.
BUCKLEY: Thanks.
1390
01:02:16,565 --> 01:02:19,067
Yeah. Uh. In the closet!
1391
01:02:19,068 --> 01:02:20,152
Closet?
1392
01:02:20,152 --> 01:02:20,819
Door!
- Oh!
1393
01:02:20,819 --> 01:02:23,655
Come on, come on, let's go.
(CLIFF GROANS)
1394
01:02:27,284 --> 01:02:28,827
(SIGHS)
1395
01:02:29,620 --> 01:02:31,955
Wow. Big closet.
1396
01:02:33,749 --> 01:02:35,667
Josh! Cooper!
1397
01:02:36,752 --> 01:02:37,961
Guys!
1398
01:02:39,171 --> 01:02:39,671
Hey!
1399
01:02:39,672 --> 01:02:42,049
Hey, pal, uh, you need some help?
- No!
1400
01:02:42,841 --> 01:02:43,758
(GASPS)
1401
01:02:43,759 --> 01:02:45,093
CLIFF: Zeke!
- Cliff.
1402
01:02:45,094 --> 01:02:46,929
Zeke!
ZEKE: Cliff O'Malley.
1403
01:02:47,511 --> 01:02:48,597
I haven't seen you since high school.
- Zeke!
1404
01:02:48,597 --> 01:02:51,808
I thought you were dead!
- Uh. No. This close, though.
1405
01:02:51,809 --> 01:02:54,269
(HESITATES)
How you been?
1406
01:02:54,270 --> 01:02:55,980
Good. Got shot.
1407
01:02:55,980 --> 01:02:58,315
Oh, God!
CLIFF: Hey. Wait, wait!
1408
01:02:58,315 --> 01:03:01,609
You ever get horny?
(FLAPS TONGUE)
1409
01:03:01,610 --> 01:03:02,152
(SPLUTTERS)
1410
01:03:02,152 --> 01:03:05,155
Great! Listen, I... I know
this chick named Carla,
1411
01:03:05,155 --> 01:03:08,867
and she's beautiful, man.
You want to meet her?
1412
01:03:09,076 --> 01:03:09,743
Come on!
1413
01:03:09,743 --> 01:03:13,288
You're gonna love this chick,
I swear to God!
1414
01:03:13,289 --> 01:03:14,290
You like to drink?
1415
01:03:14,290 --> 01:03:17,293
CLIFF: Come on.
- Your guy. My guy.
1416
01:03:17,293 --> 01:03:19,295
You see the difference?
1417
01:03:23,007 --> 01:03:24,299
Hey, there.
1418
01:03:24,300 --> 01:03:25,092
BUCKLEY: What do you want?
1419
01:03:25,092 --> 01:03:29,592
Listen, Cooper told me about
the whole conspiracy thing.
1420
01:03:29,972 --> 01:03:33,183
Oh, fart!
Now you're in danger.
1421
01:03:33,183 --> 01:03:36,102
You know,
when I get stressed out,
1422
01:03:36,103 --> 01:03:38,313
I call the suicide hot line.
1423
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:46,739
(RINGING)
1424
01:03:48,157 --> 01:03:49,324
(EXHALES)
1425
01:03:49,325 --> 01:03:50,868
Suicide hot line.
1426
01:03:50,868 --> 01:03:54,997
Hi. Um. I think
I'm having a panic attack.
1427
01:03:54,997 --> 01:03:56,081
What seems to be the problem?
1428
01:03:56,081 --> 01:03:59,209
BUCKLEY: (OVER PHONE)
You see, it's hard to explain,
1429
01:03:59,209 --> 01:04:01,252
but I'm very frightened.
1430
01:04:01,253 --> 01:04:03,964
You... should be.
1431
01:04:04,381 --> 01:04:05,048
Who is this?
1432
01:04:05,049 --> 01:04:09,094
It's me, Buckley. Bill.
Yeah. Bill Gates.
1433
01:04:09,094 --> 01:04:12,097
BUCKLEY:
No! No, God! Please!
1434
01:04:12,097 --> 01:04:13,348
No. What do you want from me?
1435
01:04:13,349 --> 01:04:16,810
Your brain, Buckley.
Your brain!
1436
01:04:16,810 --> 01:04:19,270
Well, you'll have
to come and get it!
1437
01:04:23,734 --> 01:04:25,360
BUCKLEY:
Then they'll be like freaks!
1438
01:04:25,361 --> 01:04:26,236
COOPER:
Hey! How is he?
1439
01:04:26,236 --> 01:04:29,864
Oh, you mean my guy?
My guy is freaking out.
1440
01:04:29,865 --> 01:04:31,157
My guy won't come out
of his room.
1441
01:04:31,158 --> 01:04:32,325
My guy is going to kill himself.
- All right.
1442
01:04:32,326 --> 01:04:34,828
How many times are you gonna
remind me that he's your guy?
1443
01:04:34,828 --> 01:04:37,831
My guy, my guy, my guy.
I guess three times.
1444
01:04:37,831 --> 01:04:41,125
BUCKLEY:
You can do it. Oh, God! Oh, no!
1445
01:04:41,126 --> 01:04:44,754
(SHUSHING, LAUGHING)
BUCKLEY: Oh, my fucking God!
1446
01:04:44,755 --> 01:04:45,756
COOPER: Great.
1447
01:04:45,756 --> 01:04:47,424
Oh, hey! Oh, hey,
what's up, Rachel?
1448
01:04:47,424 --> 01:04:50,677
What... what are you doing?
- Wha... what are you doing?
1449
01:04:50,677 --> 01:04:53,137
I just came by to see
what you thought of my story
1450
01:04:53,138 --> 01:04:55,306
'cause I gotta turn it in
tomorrow. So...
1451
01:04:55,307 --> 01:04:56,975
Oh, yeah. It was great.
1452
01:04:56,975 --> 01:04:59,102
I was telling Cooper
all about it.
1453
01:04:59,103 --> 01:05:00,687
Yeah, what? Um...
1454
01:05:00,687 --> 01:05:01,312
How did I put it, Coop?
1455
01:05:01,313 --> 01:05:05,813
Uh. You... you said
that it was fucking hilarious.
1456
01:05:05,859 --> 01:05:07,402
(BOTH LAUGH)
1457
01:05:07,403 --> 01:05:09,780
(CHUCKLES) Hilarious.
1458
01:05:09,780 --> 01:05:14,280
It wasn't supposed to be funny.
Were you laughing at it?
1459
01:05:14,284 --> 01:05:16,077
Oh, no. No, no, no.
1460
01:05:16,078 --> 01:05:19,873
The truth is actually, Rachel,
I didn't read it yet.
1461
01:05:19,873 --> 01:05:22,125
What... what is your deal, Josh?
I mean...
1462
01:05:22,126 --> 01:05:23,418
you know,
we make plans to hang out,
1463
01:05:23,419 --> 01:05:25,087
you bring some psycho
by my room
1464
01:05:25,087 --> 01:05:27,798
who sets Lucy's...
(CHUCKLES) ...hair on fire
1465
01:05:27,798 --> 01:05:29,090
and then I never hear
from you again.
1466
01:05:29,091 --> 01:05:31,843
I'm sorry, Rachel. You know
what, I've been really busy,
1467
01:05:31,844 --> 01:05:33,804
and actually I'm kind
of in the middle of...
1468
01:05:33,804 --> 01:05:36,014
You know what? You're acting
like a real jerk.
1469
01:05:36,014 --> 01:05:38,891
So, I'm... I'm just...
I'll just see you later.
1470
01:05:38,892 --> 01:05:40,351
Oh, Rachel, wait!
1471
01:05:40,352 --> 01:05:44,064
Would it have been so hard
to read that story, Josh?
1472
01:05:50,154 --> 01:05:50,821
What's all this?
1473
01:05:50,821 --> 01:05:52,239
Well, the pamphlets
say it's crucial
1474
01:05:52,239 --> 01:05:54,991
to keep all instruments
of self-destruction
1475
01:05:54,992 --> 01:05:56,493
away from the suicidal person,
1476
01:05:56,493 --> 01:05:59,329
so I ran out and bought
all this stuff.
1477
01:05:59,997 --> 01:06:00,372
(THUDDING)
1478
01:06:00,372 --> 01:06:03,792
Shh! Did you hear that?
Take this rope.
1479
01:06:03,792 --> 01:06:05,835
Wha... what do I do with it?
- Tie it in a noose.
1480
01:06:05,836 --> 01:06:08,839
I don't know
how to tie it in a noose.
1481
01:06:14,386 --> 01:06:15,887
(SIGHS)
1482
01:06:16,513 --> 01:06:19,182
(URINATING)
(CHUCKLES)
1483
01:06:19,933 --> 01:06:22,101
Oh, that's priceless.
1484
01:06:22,519 --> 01:06:24,229
Oh, it's good.
1485
01:06:26,315 --> 01:06:29,192
We're like the Hardy Boys
from hell.
1486
01:06:29,193 --> 01:06:30,485
Shh.
1487
01:06:36,867 --> 01:06:40,078
JOSH: (WHISPERING)
Shh! Cut it out.
1488
01:06:47,002 --> 01:06:48,461
Konnichiwa!
1489
01:06:48,462 --> 01:06:50,839
Hey, Buckley.
- Aah! What's with the knife?
1490
01:06:50,839 --> 01:06:52,507
(SCREAMING)
- Oh, no! We can explain!
1491
01:06:52,508 --> 01:06:55,427
BUCKLEY: Call 911! Call 911!
1492
01:06:55,427 --> 01:06:57,929
I thought you guys
were my friends!
1493
01:06:57,930 --> 01:06:59,514
BUCKLEY: Get back!
- Buckley.
1494
01:06:59,515 --> 01:07:01,808
BUCKLEY: You're in on it?
COOPER: Buckley.
1495
01:07:01,808 --> 01:07:03,017
You're with Bill Gates?
1496
01:07:03,018 --> 01:07:06,229
No. No, no.
We're your friends.
1497
01:07:06,230 --> 01:07:07,898
JOSH: We like you.
1498
01:07:07,898 --> 01:07:09,441
Oh, my God!
1499
01:07:10,317 --> 01:07:12,819
You're trying to kill me.
This is great!
1500
01:07:12,819 --> 01:07:14,320
JOSH: What?
No. Of... of course, not.
1501
01:07:14,321 --> 01:07:18,821
Oh, yes! It's the suit!
The... This is really happening!
1502
01:07:19,910 --> 01:07:20,952
It's not in my head!
1503
01:07:20,953 --> 01:07:24,206
BUCKLEY: Dude,
those guys are freaks! (SCREAMS)
1504
01:07:24,206 --> 01:07:28,084
I'm gonna tell everyone
and you'll never get laid!
1505
01:07:28,085 --> 01:07:30,253
Whoo! Yes! I'm not crazy!
1506
01:07:30,254 --> 01:07:34,174
It's happening! Get all
your gear and follow me!
1507
01:07:34,174 --> 01:07:37,260
(LAUGHING)
I'm not crazy!
1508
01:07:37,886 --> 01:07:39,929
Well, so much for your guy.
1509
01:07:39,930 --> 01:07:43,016
Look at all these
happy people studying.
1510
01:07:43,892 --> 01:07:44,851
I hate them.
1511
01:07:44,851 --> 01:07:47,937
Finals are in a week
and we're doomed.
1512
01:07:49,189 --> 01:07:51,357
Oh, God. Oh, look,
there's my adviser.
1513
01:07:51,358 --> 01:07:52,609
And she's talking
to that psych professor.
1514
01:07:52,609 --> 01:07:55,111
They're probably trying
to get me kicked out of here.
1515
01:07:55,112 --> 01:07:57,989
What was I thinking
listening to you?
1516
01:07:57,990 --> 01:08:00,283
Josh, you know
what we need to do?
1517
01:08:00,284 --> 01:08:01,159
Get stoned.
1518
01:08:01,159 --> 01:08:02,952
I mean, all my great ideas
come to me
1519
01:08:02,953 --> 01:08:04,079
when I'm baked out of my skull.
1520
01:08:04,079 --> 01:08:06,247
When have you ever had
a great idea, huh?
1521
01:08:06,248 --> 01:08:08,500
It's over. I'm out.
You're driving me crazy.
1522
01:08:08,500 --> 01:08:09,876
COOPER: What?
Where are you going?
1523
01:08:09,876 --> 01:08:13,629
I'm going somewhere
I'll never run into you. Class.
1524
01:08:13,630 --> 01:08:17,467
(SIREN WAILING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1525
01:08:17,467 --> 01:08:20,136
GIRL:
Hurry up! Over here.
1526
01:08:20,137 --> 01:08:22,139
BOY:
Right there, man.
1527
01:08:22,139 --> 01:08:24,641
GIRL: Somebody's in trouble.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1528
01:08:24,641 --> 01:08:25,350
JOSH: What happened?
1529
01:08:25,350 --> 01:08:27,477
He was throwing water balloons
out that window
1530
01:08:27,477 --> 01:08:29,395
and then he just fell.
1531
01:08:29,563 --> 01:08:31,982
Excuse me. Oh, no.
1532
01:08:31,982 --> 01:08:34,401
He's dead!
(CROWD GASPING)
1533
01:08:34,401 --> 01:08:36,277
Come here. Oh, come here.
1534
01:08:36,278 --> 01:08:40,778
Oh, my God, what a tragedy.
- I know. We were so close.
1535
01:08:41,241 --> 01:08:43,034
Cooper, jeez.
1536
01:08:43,035 --> 01:08:45,495
Poor guy. I mean,
he was such a... (EXHALES)
1537
01:08:45,495 --> 01:08:49,499
...freak.
- Wait! He's breathing. Hey, he's alive.
1538
01:08:49,499 --> 01:08:52,543
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1539
01:08:52,544 --> 01:08:55,004
(BREATHES DEEPLY) Where do you
guys get this shit?
1540
01:08:55,005 --> 01:08:58,216
Do you know what this means? Do you
know what this means? (CLIFF LAUGHING)
1541
01:08:58,216 --> 01:09:00,092
This means we were
on the right track.
1542
01:09:00,093 --> 01:09:03,596
Come on, we can't give up now,
we've one week before finals.
1543
01:09:03,597 --> 01:09:05,098
I got one more guy.
1544
01:09:05,098 --> 01:09:08,309
We get him to open up a vein,
and we're golden.
1545
01:09:08,310 --> 01:09:09,477
Here he is. Matt Noonan.
1546
01:09:09,478 --> 01:09:13,648
Depressive, death fixation,
constant threats of suicide.
1547
01:09:13,649 --> 01:09:14,274
This is it.
1548
01:09:14,274 --> 01:09:17,568
Okay, no dick-smacking around.
Let's just get him in the room
1549
01:09:17,569 --> 01:09:20,613
and send him on his way
to the netherworld.
1550
01:09:21,198 --> 01:09:25,698
Hey, here he comes!
Here he comes! Sit!
1551
01:09:32,209 --> 01:09:33,460
Hey!
Hey!
1552
01:09:33,460 --> 01:09:35,170
You must be our new roommate.
1553
01:09:35,170 --> 01:09:37,672
Need any help
moving in your stuff?
1554
01:09:37,673 --> 01:09:39,633
I'm wearing my stuff.
1555
01:09:41,093 --> 01:09:42,219
Oh.
1556
01:09:46,306 --> 01:09:48,516
(PLAYING GUITAR)
1557
01:09:50,602 --> 01:09:53,187
♪ My words are my sperm ♪
1558
01:09:54,231 --> 01:09:56,399
♪ Spewing forth my tragic... ♪
1559
01:09:56,400 --> 01:09:57,484
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
1560
01:09:57,484 --> 01:10:00,028
MATT: Well, what the fuck
do you two want?
1561
01:10:00,028 --> 01:10:03,406
Are you a musician?
- You... you in a band?
1562
01:10:03,407 --> 01:10:06,118
Kiss. My. Ass.
1563
01:10:06,118 --> 01:10:07,244
What?
- What?
1564
01:10:07,244 --> 01:10:09,037
That's the name
of the bleedin' band.
1565
01:10:09,037 --> 01:10:13,416
Oh. You're gonna play
the big pre-finals party, right?
1566
01:10:13,417 --> 01:10:17,462
Yeah. That's right.
If I'm still around.
1567
01:10:18,422 --> 01:10:19,214
What do you mean?
1568
01:10:19,214 --> 01:10:22,759
And who the fuck are you?
Fucking Kurt Loder?
1569
01:10:22,759 --> 01:10:26,471
Can you piss off
and shut my fucking door?
1570
01:10:26,471 --> 01:10:28,014
Oh.
1571
01:10:28,765 --> 01:10:32,185
Piss off!
- Oh, piss off, piss off. Come on.
1572
01:10:32,185 --> 01:10:34,729
What the hell
does "piss off" mean?
1573
01:10:35,021 --> 01:10:37,273
MAN:
One, two, three, four.
1574
01:10:37,607 --> 01:10:40,359
♪ My words are my sperm ♪
1575
01:10:41,278 --> 01:10:44,364
♪ Spewing forth my tragic germ ♪
1576
01:10:44,364 --> 01:10:48,864
♪ I'm Mr. Pariah
A sad messiah... ♪
1577
01:10:49,244 --> 01:10:50,620
Stop!
1578
01:10:50,620 --> 01:10:53,080
Please, guys, come on!
1579
01:10:53,081 --> 01:10:55,291
Oh, Matt,
that was bitchin', man.
1580
01:10:55,292 --> 01:10:58,545
Practice is over
because this music is crap.
1581
01:10:58,545 --> 01:11:00,421
It's total crap.
1582
01:11:00,422 --> 01:11:01,714
Well, want to get
something to eat?
1583
01:11:01,715 --> 01:11:04,467
No. I'm not hungry.
What you can do is piss off.
1584
01:11:04,468 --> 01:11:06,303
Go. Thank you.
- Bye.
1585
01:11:06,303 --> 01:11:06,803
Lovely.
- See you.
1586
01:11:06,803 --> 01:11:10,223
Thank you for coming.
Lovely. Off you go.
1587
01:11:10,223 --> 01:11:11,474
(JOSH CLAPPING)
Hey, hey, yes.
1588
01:11:11,475 --> 01:11:15,270
Good one. Yeah, you
guys really rock. I mean...
1589
01:11:15,270 --> 01:11:18,231
Really? Well, maybe someday
I'll be fortunate enough
1590
01:11:18,231 --> 01:11:21,108
to entertain millions
of suburban teeny-boppers.
1591
01:11:21,109 --> 01:11:25,609
Make music videos!
Won't that be "groovy"?
1592
01:11:26,782 --> 01:11:28,325
Fuck it all.
1593
01:11:34,372 --> 01:11:38,709
(MATT LAUGHING)
MAN: (OVER TV) That's what I thought you said!
1594
01:11:40,212 --> 01:11:43,506
(TV PLAYING)
(EXHALES)
1595
01:11:43,507 --> 01:11:47,552
MAN: (OVER TV) Don't worry.
That'll come out with club soda.
1596
01:11:47,552 --> 01:11:48,511
(LAUGHTER)
1597
01:11:48,512 --> 01:11:50,222
Ooh! Ouch! Call a doctor.
1598
01:11:50,222 --> 01:11:52,474
I don't think he knew
it was coming.
1599
01:11:52,474 --> 01:11:54,350
(LAUGHTER)
1600
01:11:54,351 --> 01:11:57,437
MAN: (OVER TV)
We'll be right back after this.
1601
01:11:57,437 --> 01:11:59,522
(MATT CHUCKLING)
1602
01:11:59,523 --> 01:12:01,775
(TV PLAYING)
1603
01:12:11,243 --> 01:12:12,827
(CLEARS THROAT)
- What the hell?
1604
01:12:12,828 --> 01:12:15,163
We... were you just watching TV,
or something?
1605
01:12:15,163 --> 01:12:18,875
No!
- Well, I could've sworn I heard you laughing.
1606
01:12:18,875 --> 01:12:19,542
Laughing?
1607
01:12:19,543 --> 01:12:23,129
Yeah. I'm a real big laugher.
Piss off!
1608
01:12:26,383 --> 01:12:29,677
Josh! Josh!
Josh! Wake up! Wake up!
1609
01:12:29,678 --> 01:12:31,513
What? What is it?
- I... I'm worried, man.
1610
01:12:31,513 --> 01:12:34,224
I don't... I don't think
this guy's who we think he is.
1611
01:12:34,224 --> 01:12:38,228
What? Didn't you hear
what he said before?
1612
01:12:38,228 --> 01:12:39,229
"If I'm still around."
1613
01:12:39,229 --> 01:12:41,189
That means he might not be around.
- I...
1614
01:12:41,189 --> 01:12:43,399
Around meaning "alive."
He might not be alive.
1615
01:12:43,400 --> 01:12:46,444
I understand that but I...
I don't think he's that depressed.
1616
01:12:46,444 --> 01:12:48,612
JOSH: This guy has what
it takes, Cooper.
1617
01:12:48,613 --> 01:12:53,113
You know, I'm this close
to letting you get your own guy.
1618
01:12:53,201 --> 01:12:53,743
What are you doing?
1619
01:12:53,743 --> 01:12:57,705
I need a breath of fresh air.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
1620
01:12:57,706 --> 01:12:58,790
That's enough air.
I need my bong.
1621
01:12:58,790 --> 01:13:02,627
No. We have three days, Cooper.
You need to focus.
1622
01:13:02,627 --> 01:13:06,339
You need to focus. Gimme that.
(GROANS)
1623
01:13:07,299 --> 01:13:10,760
Are you insane?
- Hey! Stay back!
1624
01:13:10,760 --> 01:13:13,220
What? (GROANS)
No more distractions!
1625
01:13:13,221 --> 01:13:15,932
No more drinks!
No more bong hits!
1626
01:13:15,932 --> 01:13:17,433
(BOTH GRUNT)
1627
01:13:17,434 --> 01:13:21,396
Come on, you little...
- This is for you, Cooper!
1628
01:13:21,396 --> 01:13:21,729
(GRUNTS)
1629
01:13:21,730 --> 01:13:25,442
I'm doing this for you!
- No, Josh, no!
1630
01:13:28,361 --> 01:13:31,364
(GLASS PIECES CLINKING)
1631
01:13:33,575 --> 01:13:34,617
Why?
1632
01:13:34,618 --> 01:13:36,453
It's the only way.
1633
01:13:37,704 --> 01:13:40,748
I say we murder him.
1634
01:13:40,916 --> 01:13:42,709
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
1635
01:13:43,960 --> 01:13:45,795
COOPER: Hey.
- Hello.
1636
01:13:45,795 --> 01:13:46,796
Hey, man.
1637
01:13:46,796 --> 01:13:48,589
MATT:
Do you mind if I come in?
1638
01:13:48,590 --> 01:13:51,301
No. Come on in.
- No. Come on in.
1639
01:13:51,551 --> 01:13:52,969
Thank you.
1640
01:13:52,969 --> 01:13:55,221
COOPER:
How are you feeling?
1641
01:13:55,430 --> 01:13:56,722
I feel like crap.
1642
01:13:56,723 --> 01:13:58,641
Feels like crap.
1643
01:13:59,309 --> 01:14:02,687
I've been having
these creepy dreams lately.
1644
01:14:02,979 --> 01:14:06,273
Kiss My Ass played
the pre-finals party...
1645
01:14:06,274 --> 01:14:10,569
and then afterward,
I put a gun in my mouth...
1646
01:14:11,237 --> 01:14:13,197
and I pulled the trigger.
1647
01:14:14,991 --> 01:14:16,450
Bam!
1648
01:14:16,993 --> 01:14:18,452
Bam!
1649
01:14:20,413 --> 01:14:23,707
It's so really real.
1650
01:14:23,875 --> 01:14:24,750
Oh, if it's so really real,
1651
01:14:24,751 --> 01:14:27,670
I don't think you'd get
that second shot off.
1652
01:14:27,921 --> 01:14:29,714
No, I suppose not.
1653
01:14:31,675 --> 01:14:33,927
I think I heard a cry for help.
1654
01:14:34,511 --> 01:14:35,512
Didn't you?
1655
01:14:35,512 --> 01:14:38,848
(CHUCKLES) Well... I guess I did.
(DOOR CLOSES)
1656
01:14:38,848 --> 01:14:40,683
All right then.
1657
01:14:41,476 --> 01:14:44,312
It's a beautiful day!
1658
01:14:44,312 --> 01:14:46,772
Yes! Yes!
I'm getting straight As!
1659
01:14:46,773 --> 01:14:47,523
I'm getting straight As!
1660
01:14:47,524 --> 01:14:49,400
Hey, come on.
See you at the party tonight!
1661
01:14:49,401 --> 01:14:53,901
And, Professor!
Oh, Professor, you're the best!
1662
01:14:53,905 --> 01:14:58,405
Hey, guys. Hey!
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Yeah!
1663
01:14:58,868 --> 01:15:00,744
Pizza! How is he?
1664
01:15:00,745 --> 01:15:02,329
He's been in his room all day.
1665
01:15:02,330 --> 01:15:05,333
I have a really good feeling about this.
- Oh, yeah.
1666
01:15:05,333 --> 01:15:06,459
Maybe he's dead already.
1667
01:15:06,459 --> 01:15:09,462
Hey. What are you guys up to?
1668
01:15:09,462 --> 01:15:10,796
BOTH: Nothing.
1669
01:15:10,797 --> 01:15:12,507
♪ In the afterlife ♪
1670
01:15:12,507 --> 01:15:14,884
♪ You could be headed
For the serious strife ♪
1671
01:15:14,884 --> 01:15:16,886
♪ Now you make the scene
All day ♪
1672
01:15:16,886 --> 01:15:19,054
♪ But tomorrow
There'll be hell to pay ♪
1673
01:15:19,055 --> 01:15:19,889
Bathroom.
1674
01:15:19,889 --> 01:15:21,348
♪ In the afterlife ♪
1675
01:15:21,349 --> 01:15:24,769
♪ You could be headed
For the serious strife... ♪
1676
01:15:25,061 --> 01:15:28,898
Now, remember, if he's
hanging from his noose...
1677
01:15:28,898 --> 01:15:30,774
try to act surprised.
1678
01:15:33,028 --> 01:15:33,903
(SIGHS)
1679
01:15:33,903 --> 01:15:35,988
Jesus Christ Almighty.
1680
01:15:35,989 --> 01:15:37,490
We're just checking up on you.
1681
01:15:37,490 --> 01:15:41,368
Yeah. Heard you guys
were a couple of perverts.
1682
01:15:44,039 --> 01:15:46,416
(BAND PLAYING)
1683
01:15:46,416 --> 01:15:48,960
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1684
01:15:50,920 --> 01:15:55,341
This last one is called Sperm.
1685
01:16:00,597 --> 01:16:03,641
♪ My words are my sperm ♪
1686
01:16:03,933 --> 01:16:07,061
♪ Spewing forth my tragic germ ♪
1687
01:16:07,062 --> 01:16:09,439
♪ I'm dying to kiss you ♪
1688
01:16:09,439 --> 01:16:12,608
♪ I soil the tissue ♪
1689
01:16:15,779 --> 01:16:18,823
Hey, I'll be right back.
Keep an eye on him.
1690
01:16:20,116 --> 01:16:24,036
♪ And everything's swell ♪
1691
01:16:24,037 --> 01:16:28,082
♪ Suicide's friend ♪
1692
01:16:28,083 --> 01:16:31,878
♪ Nearing the end ♪
1693
01:16:32,045 --> 01:16:35,798
♪ Suicide's friend ♪
1694
01:16:36,091 --> 01:16:39,636
♪ Nearing the end ♪
1695
01:16:39,636 --> 01:16:40,970
He's so intense.
- Oh, yeah,
1696
01:16:40,970 --> 01:16:43,722
well enjoy him
while you still can.
1697
01:16:43,723 --> 01:16:46,058
What's that supposed to mean?
1698
01:16:47,852 --> 01:16:49,979
♪ Nearing the ♪
1699
01:16:49,979 --> 01:16:53,065
End.
(GLASS SHATTERING)
1700
01:16:53,066 --> 01:16:56,152
(APPLAUSE)
1701
01:16:56,152 --> 01:16:58,362
That was amazing.
1702
01:16:58,530 --> 01:17:01,115
Fully. I loved it.
1703
01:17:02,408 --> 01:17:03,784
Whatever.
1704
01:17:10,834 --> 01:17:12,502
I liked that.
1705
01:17:12,502 --> 01:17:13,878
Yeah.
1706
01:17:14,671 --> 01:17:16,839
Lucy, your wig.
1707
01:17:32,605 --> 01:17:36,942
♪ What good is sitting
Alone in your room? ♪
1708
01:17:36,943 --> 01:17:39,904
♪ Come hear the music play ♪
1709
01:17:39,904 --> 01:17:43,157
♪ Life is a cabaret... ♪
Oh, fuck me!
1710
01:17:43,158 --> 01:17:45,869
What were you just doing?
MATT: What? Nothing!
1711
01:17:45,869 --> 01:17:47,495
No, no, no.
Don't tell me nothing!
1712
01:17:47,495 --> 01:17:49,038
You were just singing
a show tune!
1713
01:17:49,038 --> 01:17:49,955
You're crazy. I'd never do that.
1714
01:17:49,956 --> 01:17:53,209
You can't be suicidal
if you're singing show tunes.
1715
01:17:53,209 --> 01:17:54,877
What? I am suicidal!
1716
01:17:54,878 --> 01:17:55,962
Uh. You're not even depressed!
1717
01:17:55,962 --> 01:17:58,589
Of course I'm depressed!
Look at me!
1718
01:17:58,590 --> 01:18:00,133
I'm very fucking depressed!
1719
01:18:00,133 --> 01:18:02,009
Oh, you fucking poser!
1720
01:18:02,010 --> 01:18:04,887
(LOSES BRITISH ACCENT)
Hey, man, I am not... oh!
1721
01:18:05,221 --> 01:18:07,640
You're not even British!
- Mmm!
1722
01:18:07,640 --> 01:18:11,644
Oh, God!
He's not even British!
1723
01:18:11,644 --> 01:18:14,146
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1724
01:18:14,731 --> 01:18:17,024
BOY: Yeah, there are good guys
on campus.
1725
01:18:17,025 --> 01:18:19,485
Pretty cool.
(CHUCKLES)
1726
01:18:21,779 --> 01:18:22,237
Excuse me.
1727
01:18:22,238 --> 01:18:25,658
Could I talk to her
for a second?
1728
01:18:26,075 --> 01:18:27,951
It's okay.
- Please?
1729
01:18:29,913 --> 01:18:32,957
I know I've been flaking out
on you, and I'm sorry.
1730
01:18:32,957 --> 01:18:35,042
I'm not interested
in your excuses.
1731
01:18:35,043 --> 01:18:37,754
What did you think I was just...
I was just gonna wait around
1732
01:18:37,754 --> 01:18:39,714
for you until you
found time for me?
1733
01:18:39,714 --> 01:18:41,590
Wait!
Rachel, Cooper and I...
1734
01:18:41,591 --> 01:18:44,885
No, Josh, I liked you.
I... I really did.
1735
01:18:44,886 --> 01:18:47,889
I actually thought you were
a really great guy.
1736
01:18:47,889 --> 01:18:49,265
I... I was just wrong.
1737
01:18:49,265 --> 01:18:50,516
No, no. You weren't wrong.
1738
01:18:50,516 --> 01:18:53,018
I really like you,
and I'm a great guy.
1739
01:18:53,019 --> 01:18:54,854
BUCKLEY: (CLAPPING)
People! People!
1740
01:18:54,854 --> 01:18:56,605
May I have a red alert?
1741
01:18:56,606 --> 01:18:59,900
Attention! This is an evil man!
1742
01:18:59,901 --> 01:19:03,779
He can't be trusted.
He's got files on everybody.
1743
01:19:03,780 --> 01:19:07,158
He's trying to create
a one-world government.
1744
01:19:07,158 --> 01:19:08,617
He's bad news, baby.
1745
01:19:08,618 --> 01:19:11,829
If you see that guy,
kick him in the balls!
1746
01:19:11,829 --> 01:19:13,872
Hey, Josh! Jo... Josh!
1747
01:19:13,873 --> 01:19:17,042
I just ran back to the room
and got Matt's yearbook.
1748
01:19:17,043 --> 01:19:18,753
Here's Marilyn Manson
in high school.
1749
01:19:18,753 --> 01:19:21,108
JOSH: Oh.
- I'm gonna kill him.
1750
01:19:21,132 --> 01:19:22,923
I'm gonna fucking kill him.
1751
01:19:29,013 --> 01:19:31,557
Let's get out of here.
Huh.
1752
01:19:34,686 --> 01:19:35,645
Hey, fellas.
1753
01:19:35,645 --> 01:19:38,064
What's going on?
What's wrong?
1754
01:19:38,064 --> 01:19:38,689
Long story.
1755
01:19:38,690 --> 01:19:40,983
Uh. You guys,
I know what's going on.
1756
01:19:40,984 --> 01:19:44,070
You do?
- You guys are just having relationship problems.
1757
01:19:44,070 --> 01:19:46,864
Oh, no, it's more
complicated than that.
1758
01:19:46,864 --> 01:19:50,242
I got you. I'm real tight
with my uncle.
1759
01:19:50,243 --> 01:19:51,953
He's gay like you guys.
1760
01:19:51,953 --> 01:19:55,081
I just want you to know
I am cool with it.
1761
01:19:55,081 --> 01:19:55,956
We all are.
1762
01:19:55,957 --> 01:19:57,959
Oh, yeah.
- Yeah. Yes.
1763
01:19:57,959 --> 01:19:59,919
Don't worry about it.
1764
01:19:59,919 --> 01:20:02,171
Yeah.
BOY: Mm-hmm.
1765
01:20:02,630 --> 01:20:04,006
It's cool.
1766
01:20:06,801 --> 01:20:10,221
Well, looks like
I'm a gay toilet cleaner.
1767
01:20:10,221 --> 01:20:11,055
(CHUCKLES)
1768
01:20:11,055 --> 01:20:13,307
Guess I'll go home and pack.
1769
01:20:13,766 --> 01:20:17,603
Sorry about your bong.
- Ah, it's okay.
1770
01:20:17,603 --> 01:20:20,063
JOSH: Uh. Cheer up, man.
Let's go to Pickle's.
1771
01:20:20,064 --> 01:20:22,316
I'll use his blender,
I'll make us some drinks.
1772
01:20:22,317 --> 01:20:25,611
What sounds good, huh?
Piña Colada? Mai Tai?
1773
01:20:25,611 --> 01:20:29,615
COOPER: Margarita.
JOSH: Margarita it is.
1774
01:20:31,284 --> 01:20:35,663
Hey, Pickle, you mind if we make
ourselves some margaritas?
1775
01:20:35,913 --> 01:20:40,413
Um, no... no, go ahead.
It's... it's in the blender.
1776
01:20:43,921 --> 01:20:45,130
Thanks.
1777
01:20:46,716 --> 01:20:50,052
Ah, I'm gonna miss college.
1778
01:20:50,053 --> 01:20:51,846
Yeah, me, too.
1779
01:20:52,013 --> 01:20:53,848
We had fun, didn't we?
1780
01:20:53,848 --> 01:20:55,391
Yeah, we did.
1781
01:20:55,391 --> 01:20:58,352
I was gonna end up being
a toilet cleaner anyway.
1782
01:20:58,353 --> 01:20:59,687
(CHUCKLES)
1783
01:20:59,687 --> 01:21:01,730
What am I gonna do now?
1784
01:21:02,815 --> 01:21:04,024
Well...
1785
01:21:04,359 --> 01:21:05,943
come work
for me and Flushles.
1786
01:21:05,943 --> 01:21:10,072
You can be third in the
shit-cleaning command. (CHUCKLES)
1787
01:21:11,074 --> 01:21:12,241
What is this?
1788
01:21:12,241 --> 01:21:16,741
"Good-bye. Can't take it.
I'm sorry"?
1789
01:21:19,707 --> 01:21:21,959
Oh, shit.
1790
01:21:22,668 --> 01:21:24,878
Oh, shit.
1791
01:21:25,338 --> 01:21:27,214
Oh, shit!
1792
01:21:27,215 --> 01:21:30,176
Shit!
- What? What?
1793
01:21:32,428 --> 01:21:34,054
He's committed suicide.
1794
01:21:34,055 --> 01:21:36,766
I didn't even know
he was depressed.
1795
01:21:36,766 --> 01:21:37,767
Josh, don't you see?
1796
01:21:37,767 --> 01:21:39,143
This is the hand of God
working here.
1797
01:21:39,143 --> 01:21:43,021
This is what I've prayed for.
This is a miracle.
1798
01:21:43,022 --> 01:21:44,773
Pickle... dead.
1799
01:21:44,774 --> 01:21:48,110
Come on. We've got to move fast. Go
to the housing office. File the paperwork.
1800
01:21:48,111 --> 01:21:50,071
Wait, no!
- Just get the files worked out.
1801
01:21:50,071 --> 01:21:50,988
Wait.
- Come on, Josh, please!
1802
01:21:50,988 --> 01:21:54,199
It's what we've been
working for! We're set!
1803
01:22:05,795 --> 01:22:07,463
What the hell is going on?
1804
01:22:07,463 --> 01:22:10,174
Who are you?
- I live here!
1805
01:22:10,341 --> 01:22:12,134
What? Kyle!
1806
01:22:12,135 --> 01:22:16,264
(UTENSILS CLATTERING)
No, no, no. They moved you out.
1807
01:22:16,264 --> 01:22:18,975
Sorry, buddy,
they moved somebody else in,
1808
01:22:18,975 --> 01:22:21,769
so, uh, sayonara.
1809
01:22:22,854 --> 01:22:24,981
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
1810
01:22:24,981 --> 01:22:26,482
Who is it?
1811
01:22:26,983 --> 01:22:27,817
Where are my posters
1812
01:22:27,817 --> 01:22:31,070
and who are those two people
fucking in my room?
1813
01:22:31,070 --> 01:22:32,988
There's people fucking
in your room?
1814
01:22:32,989 --> 01:22:36,826
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, shit! Come on!
1815
01:22:36,826 --> 01:22:39,119
Those guys.
They threw your stuff out
1816
01:22:39,120 --> 01:22:42,665
and they said to tell you
to go fuck yourself.
1817
01:22:46,502 --> 01:22:46,960
Kelly...
1818
01:22:46,961 --> 01:22:49,838
could you just... could you wait
out here for a couple seconds?
1819
01:22:49,839 --> 01:22:52,508
I gotta...
Thanks, baby.
1820
01:22:52,842 --> 01:22:54,218
Get the hell outta here!
1821
01:22:54,218 --> 01:22:56,929
Hey, you still can't kick me
out of here. This is my room.
1822
01:22:56,929 --> 01:22:59,056
Cooper, tell him
I'm your roommate.
1823
01:22:59,056 --> 01:23:00,515
My roommate
is a depressive rock star.
1824
01:23:00,516 --> 01:23:03,185
You are a candy ass,
show tune-singing,
1825
01:23:03,186 --> 01:23:05,354
high school cheerleader.
- You're dead.
1826
01:23:05,354 --> 01:23:07,022
MATT: (SPLUTTERS)
That's my guitar!
1827
01:23:07,023 --> 01:23:09,191
Off we go. Lovely. Lovely.
(MATT SCREAMING)
1828
01:23:09,192 --> 01:23:11,360
(GUITAR SMASHES)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1829
01:23:11,360 --> 01:23:13,320
(SCUFFLING)
1830
01:23:17,492 --> 01:23:20,369
Come on, Pickle.
Come on. Throw up for me.
1831
01:23:20,369 --> 01:23:22,204
COOPER:
Josh, what are you doing?
1832
01:23:22,205 --> 01:23:24,415
Come on.
Let's get those pills up, huh?
1833
01:23:24,415 --> 01:23:27,042
JOSH: Yeah.
(PICKLE GROANING)
1834
01:23:27,043 --> 01:23:29,336
MEDIC:
Coming through. Watch it.
1835
01:23:29,337 --> 01:23:32,214
(WOMAN OVER RADIO
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
1836
01:23:32,215 --> 01:23:35,259
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1837
01:23:35,968 --> 01:23:37,177
COOPER:
What the hell?
1838
01:23:37,178 --> 01:23:40,389
JOSH: Cooper, he was alive.
I couldn't just let him die.
1839
01:23:40,389 --> 01:23:42,849
COOPER: This is what we've been
working for, Josh.
1840
01:23:42,850 --> 01:23:43,392
This was our loophole.
1841
01:23:43,392 --> 01:23:46,478
Don't you have enough brains
to recognize a good loophole?
1842
01:23:46,479 --> 01:23:48,314
JOSH: You know, the only
loophole I ever recognized
1843
01:23:48,314 --> 01:23:51,358
that you got a rich daddy
who buys your way through life.
1844
01:23:51,359 --> 01:23:54,487
Oh! Oh!
Well, congratulations, buddy.
1845
01:23:54,487 --> 01:23:56,489
Now you can go back
to Indiana and spend the rest...
1846
01:23:56,489 --> 01:23:58,991
JOSH: What?
...of your life in a bowling ally.
1847
01:23:58,991 --> 01:24:00,575
JOSH:
What are you saying?
1848
01:24:00,576 --> 01:24:04,121
People who make it
in this world have guts.
1849
01:24:04,914 --> 01:24:07,166
Obviously you don't have any.
1850
01:24:09,544 --> 01:24:12,588
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1851
01:24:37,863 --> 01:24:42,200
♪ Mama gripped onto
The milkman's hand ♪
1852
01:24:42,201 --> 01:24:46,038
♪ And then
She finally gave birth ♪
1853
01:24:46,914 --> 01:24:51,414
♪ Years go by
And still I don't know ♪
1854
01:24:52,086 --> 01:24:55,464
♪ Who shall inherit this Earth ♪
1855
01:24:57,216 --> 01:25:00,344
♪ And no one
Will know my name ♪
1856
01:25:00,344 --> 01:25:04,598
♪ Until it's on a stone ♪
1857
01:25:04,599 --> 01:25:07,143
♪ Whoa-o-o ♪
1858
01:25:07,143 --> 01:25:11,021
♪ This could be our lucky day ♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1859
01:25:11,022 --> 01:25:13,315
HANK: Dude, there's some
guy out there on the bridge!
1860
01:25:13,316 --> 01:25:15,651
I swear he's gonna...
BOY 1: It's that guy Josh!
1861
01:25:15,651 --> 01:25:17,194
BOY 2: What?
BOY 1: I'm telling you, dude.
1862
01:25:17,194 --> 01:25:19,988
BOY 3: Josh is on the bridge!
He's gonna jump!
1863
01:25:19,989 --> 01:25:21,532
(SIREN WAILING)
1864
01:25:21,532 --> 01:25:24,284
(CLAMORING)
Slow... slow down! Slow down!
1865
01:25:24,285 --> 01:25:27,121
(SIREN WAILING)
1866
01:25:27,872 --> 01:25:31,250
(CLAMORING)
1867
01:25:34,670 --> 01:25:36,004
MAN:
Get a light up there!
1868
01:25:36,005 --> 01:25:38,465
(INDISTINCT CHATTER
OVER POLICE RADIO)
1869
01:25:38,466 --> 01:25:39,258
COOPER: Josh!
1870
01:25:39,258 --> 01:25:41,593
Josh, what the hell
are you doing up there?
1871
01:25:41,594 --> 01:25:42,928
JOSH: What do you think?
1872
01:25:42,928 --> 01:25:45,388
I'm just looking
for a way out.
1873
01:25:45,389 --> 01:25:46,681
Seriously, come down.
1874
01:25:46,682 --> 01:25:49,309
What's the point?
My life's over.
1875
01:25:49,310 --> 01:25:52,187
Why? Because you're off
your track?
1876
01:25:52,188 --> 01:25:54,440
Oh, oh, come on, Josh.
Who cares?
1877
01:25:54,440 --> 01:25:56,984
I mean that is...
That's so fucking stupid.
1878
01:25:56,984 --> 01:25:58,527
Are... are you an idiot?
1879
01:25:58,527 --> 01:26:01,029
No!
- (GROANS)
1880
01:26:01,030 --> 01:26:04,074
COOPER:
Look, I understand.
1881
01:26:04,075 --> 01:26:06,202
Maybe you were
on the wrong track, Josh,
1882
01:26:06,202 --> 01:26:08,495
but it's okay,
you know, because...
1883
01:26:08,496 --> 01:26:12,208
now you can figure out what
you're really supposed to do.
1884
01:26:12,208 --> 01:26:15,252
What? Become a total failure?
1885
01:26:15,252 --> 01:26:17,170
COOPER: No. No.
1886
01:26:17,421 --> 01:26:18,713
You know...
1887
01:26:18,714 --> 01:26:21,341
I should be the one up there.
1888
01:26:21,342 --> 01:26:24,053
My father's right.
I'm... I'm a fuckup.
1889
01:26:24,053 --> 01:26:25,179
I'm a total fuckup.
1890
01:26:25,179 --> 01:26:28,432
You're on this little holiday
in a... in fuck-up land,
1891
01:26:28,432 --> 01:26:30,600
but I live here permanently!
1892
01:26:31,060 --> 01:26:33,312
Uh. Josh, I messed up.
1893
01:26:33,312 --> 01:26:34,229
I messed everything up.
I mean...
1894
01:26:34,230 --> 01:26:37,399
You just did the right thing
and that took guts.
1895
01:26:38,025 --> 01:26:40,068
More guts than I have.
1896
01:26:41,112 --> 01:26:42,988
You're my best friend.
1897
01:26:45,533 --> 01:26:49,954
So, please, just step back
from the ledge.
1898
01:27:01,090 --> 01:27:03,425
(CROWD MURMURING)
1899
01:27:03,592 --> 01:27:06,094
(APPLAUSE)
1900
01:27:13,769 --> 01:27:16,354
You're gonna be okay, man.
1901
01:27:16,355 --> 01:27:18,023
You think they bought it?
1902
01:27:18,023 --> 01:27:21,443
COOPER: Bought what?
That I'm suicidal.
1903
01:27:21,444 --> 01:27:23,112
Wh... what?
1904
01:27:23,112 --> 01:27:26,115
Well, I don't think
they'll throw somebody suicidal
1905
01:27:26,115 --> 01:27:27,449
out of school, do you?
1906
01:27:27,450 --> 01:27:30,661
No. No, no, of course not.
1907
01:27:39,295 --> 01:27:40,587
(CHUCKLES)
1908
01:27:40,588 --> 01:27:45,088
You magnificent bastard.
1909
01:27:45,426 --> 01:27:45,801
(CHUCKLES)
1910
01:27:45,801 --> 01:27:49,221
I can't believe you made me
say all that stuff.
1911
01:27:49,221 --> 01:27:50,597
Think how proud
your dad's gonna be
1912
01:27:50,598 --> 01:27:53,309
when he finds out
you're a hero, huh?
1913
01:27:53,309 --> 01:27:55,769
You are a genius.
1914
01:27:56,061 --> 01:27:58,730
(CROWD CLAPPING)
1915
01:27:59,064 --> 01:28:03,234
Oh, they make such
a cute couple.
1916
01:28:04,487 --> 01:28:05,696
Huh?
1917
01:28:06,447 --> 01:28:08,115
JOSH: If there's one thing
I learned in college,
1918
01:28:08,115 --> 01:28:10,826
it's that things don't always
turn out like you plan.
1919
01:28:10,826 --> 01:28:12,577
The school bent
the rules a little bit
1920
01:28:12,578 --> 01:28:15,581
and gave me another semester
to raise my grades.
1921
01:28:15,581 --> 01:28:17,249
I was about 13...
1922
01:28:17,249 --> 01:28:18,166
But I had to spend six months
1923
01:28:18,167 --> 01:28:20,294
in intensive therapy
with Professor Durkheim,
1924
01:28:20,294 --> 01:28:24,131
and I learned that I liked
psychology more than medicine,
1925
01:28:24,131 --> 01:28:25,507
so I changed my major.
1926
01:28:25,508 --> 01:28:26,800
Bye, Bob.
1927
01:28:27,718 --> 01:28:28,677
Cooper's dad was so proud
1928
01:28:28,677 --> 01:28:31,721
that he paid for him to stay
in school for another year.
1929
01:28:31,722 --> 01:28:33,682
He still had to spend
his vacations
1930
01:28:33,682 --> 01:28:34,516
working at the company,
1931
01:28:34,517 --> 01:28:36,101
and he says,
"If you're stoned enough,
1932
01:28:36,101 --> 01:28:38,645
scrubbing toilets can be
a zen-like experience."
1933
01:28:38,646 --> 01:28:41,357
And during the school year,
he also got a job
1934
01:28:41,357 --> 01:28:43,275
working at the suicide hot line.
1935
01:28:43,275 --> 01:28:43,733
The mezzanine?
1936
01:28:43,734 --> 01:28:46,695
Well, can I even see
the band from there?
1937
01:28:48,572 --> 01:28:49,614
How much are they?
1938
01:28:49,615 --> 01:28:53,201
A hundred and fifty bucks?
Are you insane?
1939
01:28:53,202 --> 01:28:55,329
What? Oh, drop dead!
1940
01:28:55,329 --> 01:28:56,747
JOSH:
Rachel and I got back together.
1941
01:28:56,747 --> 01:28:58,623
She likes having a boyfriend
who's unstable
1942
01:28:58,624 --> 01:29:02,169
because it gives her inspiration
for her creative writing.
1943
01:29:02,169 --> 01:29:04,421
Buckley eventually left Daleman
and was arrested
1944
01:29:04,421 --> 01:29:07,549
for the attempted assassination
of Bill Gates.
1945
01:29:07,550 --> 01:29:09,468
I'll be back! Count on it!
1946
01:29:09,468 --> 01:29:11,386
JOSH: Kelly broke up with Kyle...
(GROWLS)
1947
01:29:11,387 --> 01:29:14,723
...and he spent the rest
of the semester in confession.
1948
01:29:14,723 --> 01:29:15,890
KYLE:
Father, I had my way with myself
1949
01:29:15,891 --> 01:29:19,561
on the freshman face book.
I've just been, like... (SPITS)
1950
01:29:19,562 --> 01:29:23,524
...jacking off to this thing,
for, like, three weeks.
1951
01:29:23,524 --> 01:29:25,150
Oh, yeah!
1952
01:29:25,150 --> 01:29:27,569
Oh, little Kyle! (MOANS)
1953
01:29:28,529 --> 01:29:30,405
♪ My words are my sperm ♪
1954
01:29:30,406 --> 01:29:31,407
♪ His words are his sperm ♪
1955
01:29:31,407 --> 01:29:32,699
JOSH:
Matt and his band got famous,
1956
01:29:32,700 --> 01:29:35,536
and his album went straight
to the top of the charts.
1957
01:29:35,536 --> 01:29:40,036
He even got interviewed on MTV
by his hero Kurt Loder.
1958
01:29:40,541 --> 01:29:42,918
Pickle recovered
and moved in with us.
1959
01:29:42,918 --> 01:29:43,710
We felt sorry for him,
1960
01:29:43,711 --> 01:29:46,630
plus we figured if he ever
got really depressed again,
1961
01:29:46,630 --> 01:29:49,424
well, we might as well
cover our bases,
1962
01:29:49,425 --> 01:29:51,468
if you know what I mean.
1963
01:29:52,469 --> 01:29:55,597
As for Cliff,
Cliff was aboard a party cruise
1964
01:29:55,598 --> 01:29:59,268
that tragically caught on fire
and capsized.
1965
01:29:59,268 --> 01:30:03,768
He refused to abandon ship,
and his body was lost at sea.
1966
01:30:03,939 --> 01:30:07,692
Cooper seemed to take it
harder than any of us.
1967
01:30:13,282 --> 01:30:15,867
(SCREAMS)
1968
01:30:15,868 --> 01:30:20,247
Buddy! Come on down!
- No! (SCREAMS)
1969
01:30:20,247 --> 01:30:21,581
(BOTH GRUNTING
1970
01:30:21,582 --> 01:30:24,334
God! You're kneeling
on my junk!
1971
01:30:24,335 --> 01:30:27,671
(BOTH SCREAMING, GRUNTING)
1972
01:30:27,671 --> 01:30:28,797
(SCREAMS)
He's on me!
1973
01:30:28,797 --> 01:30:30,590
He's alive!
- What's the matter? What's the matter?
1974
01:30:30,591 --> 01:30:33,302
No. He's alive. No, he's...
- No, it was just a bad dream.
1975
01:30:33,302 --> 01:30:36,555
No. It was just a bad dream.
- Fellas!
1976
01:30:36,555 --> 01:30:37,222
(BOTH SCREAM)
1977
01:30:37,222 --> 01:30:39,265
Now that was a
fucking boat ride!
1978
01:30:39,266 --> 01:30:43,766
Whoo! An adventure like that
makes me frickin' horny.
1979
01:30:44,229 --> 01:30:46,689
(FLAPS TONGUE)
(BOTH WHIMPERING)
1980
01:30:46,690 --> 01:30:48,608
♪ In the afterlife ♪
1981
01:30:48,609 --> 01:30:50,819
♪ You could be headed
For the serious strife ♪
1982
01:30:50,819 --> 01:30:53,321
♪ Now you make the scene
All day ♪
1983
01:30:53,322 --> 01:30:56,325
♪ But tomorrow
There'll be hell to pay ♪
1984
01:30:56,325 --> 01:30:57,784
♪ In the afterlife ♪
1985
01:30:57,785 --> 01:31:00,245
♪ You could be headed
For the serious strife ♪
1986
01:31:00,245 --> 01:31:02,413
♪ Now you make
The scene all day ♪
1987
01:31:02,414 --> 01:31:04,582
♪ But tomorrow
There'll be hell to pay ♪
1988
01:31:04,583 --> 01:31:06,334
♪ People, listen attentively ♪
1989
01:31:06,335 --> 01:31:08,378
♪ I mean
About future calamity ♪
1990
01:31:08,379 --> 01:31:10,631
♪ I used to think
The idea was obsolete ♪
1991
01:31:10,631 --> 01:31:13,383
♪ Until I heard the old man
Stamping his feet ♪
1992
01:31:13,384 --> 01:31:15,844
♪ Now the D and the A
And the M and the N ♪
1993
01:31:15,844 --> 01:31:18,721
♪ And the A and the T
And the I-O-N ♪
1994
01:31:18,722 --> 01:31:20,932
♪ Lose your face
Lose your name ♪
1995
01:31:20,933 --> 01:31:23,352
♪ Then get fitted
For a two-tone flame ♪
1996
01:31:23,352 --> 01:31:25,520
♪ D and the A
and the M and the N ♪
1997
01:31:25,521 --> 01:31:27,940
♪ And the A and the T
And the I-O-N ♪
1998
01:31:27,940 --> 01:31:30,400
♪ Lose your face
Lose your name ♪
1999
01:31:30,401 --> 01:31:34,901
♪ Then get fitted
For a two-tone fla-a-ame ♪
2000
01:31:43,414 --> 01:31:46,417
♪ A dusty house
Through my dirty clothes ♪
2001
01:31:46,417 --> 01:31:50,421
♪ Seated in a town
On the verge of extinction ♪
2002
01:31:50,421 --> 01:31:53,924
♪ Strumming up the tune
Alone, I compose ♪
2003
01:31:53,924 --> 01:31:57,385
♪ A bittersweet ditty
About an ex-girlfriend ♪
2004
01:31:57,386 --> 01:32:00,680
♪ So fuck her
And her painful memories ♪
2005
01:32:00,681 --> 01:32:04,518
♪ Why tear out my heart
For all the world to see? ♪
2006
01:32:04,518 --> 01:32:08,313
♪ Why not give our love
A catchy melody? ♪
2007
01:32:08,313 --> 01:32:12,358
♪ Burning up the charts
Sweet simplicity ♪
2008
01:32:12,359 --> 01:32:14,944
♪ We'll do it in the end ♪
2009
01:32:20,617 --> 01:32:24,037
♪ Gotta get away
Maybe we should stay ♪
2010
01:32:24,038 --> 01:32:27,916
♪ Seated in a town
On the verge of explosion ♪
2011
01:32:27,916 --> 01:32:31,669
♪ New York and L.A.
No one listening anyway ♪
2012
01:32:31,670 --> 01:32:34,881
♪ Busy predicting
The next big hit ♪
2013
01:32:34,882 --> 01:32:38,051
♪ So fuck that
Get a change of scenery ♪
2014
01:32:38,052 --> 01:32:41,972
♪ I'll pack up the car
And move to California ♪
2015
01:32:41,972 --> 01:32:45,642
♪ Find a better girlfriend
And a catchy melody ♪
2016
01:32:45,642 --> 01:32:50,142
♪ Playing all the cards
Happy harmony and do it again ♪
2017
01:32:54,777 --> 01:32:57,613
♪ Sweet, sweet love ♪
2018
01:32:57,905 --> 01:33:00,991
♪ And my blistered feet ♪
2019
01:33:01,575 --> 01:33:04,786
♪ It ain't easy ♪
2020
01:33:05,370 --> 01:33:08,956
♪ Come away ♪
2021
01:33:08,957 --> 01:33:11,960
♪ I was feeling fine ♪
2022
01:33:12,669 --> 01:33:15,797
♪ I'm the water's friend ♪
2023
01:33:16,048 --> 01:33:19,551
♪ I could stay here ♪
2024
01:33:19,843 --> 01:33:23,721
♪ For the day ♪
2025
01:33:25,516 --> 01:33:29,061
♪ We can stay here now ♪
2026
01:33:29,478 --> 01:33:32,689
♪ Like anyone, can't you? ♪
2027
01:33:32,689 --> 01:33:36,526
♪ We can stay here now ♪
2028
01:33:36,527 --> 01:33:40,447
♪ 'Cause here it comes
Here it comes ♪
2029
01:33:40,447 --> 01:33:43,408
♪ It's a music show ♪
2030
01:33:43,826 --> 01:33:46,703
♪ Hear the distant sound ♪
2031
01:33:47,371 --> 01:33:50,749
♪ As the riot sun ♪
2032
01:33:50,999 --> 01:33:55,003
♪ Beats the sky ♪
2033
01:33:55,003 --> 01:33:55,878
(GROANING)
2034
01:33:55,879 --> 01:33:58,172
Holy cow! He's on fi... fire!
- Whoa!
2035
01:33:58,173 --> 01:34:00,466
A little help here!
- Pillows! Pillows!
2036
01:34:00,467 --> 01:34:01,885
(WHIMPERING)
Hold on!
2037
01:34:01,885 --> 01:34:03,595
What happened?
ZEKE: It's Cliff.
2038
01:34:03,595 --> 01:34:05,054
CLIFF: Zeke!
(SQUEALS)
2039
01:34:05,055 --> 01:34:07,057
Come on, man! We weren't done!
2040
01:34:07,057 --> 01:34:08,600
No!
- Let's go.
2041
01:34:08,600 --> 01:34:09,684
Come on!
Enough is enough!
2042
01:34:09,685 --> 01:34:12,813
He's mine, fellas! Come on!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)