1
00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,642
RUSTY [ON PA]: Well, ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain, Rusty Griswold.
2
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,407
Hope you've enjoyed your 18-minute
flight from South Bend.
3
00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:01,882
RUSTY: We'll be touching down at Chicago's
Midway very shortly.
4
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,441
We'd like to thank you for flying
with us today...
5
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:08,366
...because at Econo Air, we're working
hard to win back your trust.
6
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,561
- Harry, you mind taking over while I hit the lav?
- Sure thing, Rusty.
7
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,131
Thank you very much.
8
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,570
- Oh, and Rusty.
- Mm-hm.
9
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,964
I wanna thank you for going to bat
for me last week.
10
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,360
I was happy to do it.
11
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,842
Just because corporate says
you're too old to fly doesn't make it true.
12
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,082
You're more qualified than us younger guys.
13
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,481
- Means a lot to me.
- Sure thing.
14
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,240
- Oh, and Rusty.
- Mm-hm.
15
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:39,082
I wanna thank you for going to bat
for me last week.
16
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:40,645
Yeah.
17
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,410
You bet.
18
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,801
BOY:
Dad, is that the pilot?
19
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,086
It sure is.
20
00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:50,686
- He just came from the cockpit.
- Whoa.
21
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,044
- Hey there, little guy.
- Hi.
22
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:57,929
Is this your first time on a plane?
23
00:03:58,080 --> 00:03:59,445
We were planning on driving...
24
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,843
...but, uh, Tyler here has been begging us
to go on his first airplane.
25
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,126
- Oh, is that right?
TYLER: Uh-huh.
26
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:07,011
Do you think I can be a pilot
when I grow up?
27
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,003
Heh. Yeah, well, I don't see why not.
28
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,721
You just have to study hard
and listen to your parents, all right?
29
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,002
[PLANE RUMBLES, THEN ALL GASP]
30
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,490
- Okay, heh.
- Sorry about that.
31
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,449
- Little bit of rough air.
- It's okay.
32
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:20,681
Yeah, yeah.
33
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,365
Don't worry about it, heh.
34
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,567
Hey, we call that "turbulence," all right?
35
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,245
That's when the plane passes...
36
00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,363
[PLANE THUDDING, THEN ALL GASPING]
37
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,291
[COUGHS]
38
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,131
So sorry.
39
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:37,806
Okay, you folks enjoy the
rest of your flight.
40
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:43,487
Let me give you a hand.
41
00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,883
Can you please stay the fuck away from us?
42
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:48,809
[ALARMS WAILING]
43
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:54,248
Harry, you took us up to 60,000 feet.
What are you doing?
44
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:55,481
Oh, Rusty.
45
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:59,440
I wanna thank you for going to bat
for me last week.
46
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:17,001
Or the time that Pan Continental put us up
at the Ritz in Barcelona.
47
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,891
You know, I'll tell you one thing
about the Spanish women:
48
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,441
- They, uh, love them some airline pilots.
- Heh. They do.
49
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,921
I never took the uniform off,
except when I did.
50
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,929
[ALL CHUCKLING]
51
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,726
Ladies.
52
00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,528
All full.
You have to wait for the next one.
53
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,250
- But I was...
- You were what?
54
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:49,885
I'll catch the next one.
55
00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,122
See you around, Econo Air.
56
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:10,690
JAMES: The third time this month.
DEBBIE: I know.
57
00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:13,127
Do something about him.
He's always picking on me.
58
00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:16,284
I know he is. I'm so sorry, honey. Hey.
59
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,608
- Hi. What's going on here?
- You'll see.
60
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,967
Kevin, get down here, please.
61
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:24,044
- Look what he did to my guitar.
RUSTY: Aw. Again?
62
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,567
God. You told Mom and Dad?
63
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,085
You have such a vagina.
64
00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:30,089
Okay, enough, enough. Now, young man...
65
00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,760
...we talked about the bullying
of your older brother.
66
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:36,447
That's right. We don't make fun of
someone just because they're different.
67
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,406
- I don't have a vagina.
- I'm just saying, if you did...
68
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,564
...it wouldn't be okay for Kevin
to tease you about your vagina.
69
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,041
Why are you making it sound
like I have a vagina?
70
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,931
I know you don't have a vagina.
I'm not doing that.
71
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:51,766
- Kevin, apologize to your brother, please.
- Fine. I'm sorry.
72
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:53,001
Now go to your room.
73
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,646
Ah. I was in my fucking room.
74
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,963
- Whoa, hey, Kevin? Get back down here.
- Ah.
75
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:01,687
Now listen.
76
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,047
There are a lot of boys who are born
with vaginas.
77
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,486
It's very hard for them.
78
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:09,644
- Honey. Why?
- It's a teachable moment, hon.
79
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,644
Gender fluidity, right?
It's a very serious issue.
80
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,326
- I'm not gender-fluid.
- It doesn't matter if you are.
81
00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:17,801
The point is
your mom and I would love you...
82
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,167
...even if you were completely blank
down there.
83
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,243
DEBBIE:
Okay, this is not the point.
84
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,811
Kevin, just go to your room.
85
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,360
Hey, James, don't get your
gender fluid on me.
86
00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:30,284
- Awesome.
DEBBIE: Stop. It's not a fluid.
87
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,090
And what about my guitar?
88
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:33,730
It's ruined.
89
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,525
Let me have a look.
90
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:45,610
There you go. That'll do for now.
91
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,525
Now get washed up. The Petersons
are coming over for dinner.
92
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:50,641
Okay, baby.
93
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,643
Oh, gosh. I'll get you a new guitar, okay?
94
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:58,963
- Oh, use the Vitamix. The dry bit.
- Just grind it. Yeah.
95
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:01,726
Sheila.
96
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,680
- So do you have to work tomorrow?
JAMES: So, um, Sheila.
97
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,570
- I want to go to the movies with my friends.
- Sheila.
98
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,326
- What?
- Do you like school this year?
99
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:11,527
It's okay.
100
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,041
[IN LOW VOICE WITH LISP]
"So do you like school this year?"
101
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,931
[IN NORMAL VOICE] That's seriously
what you sound like. Just shut up.
102
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,522
God, I'm telling you, Russ,
you've gotta get one of these go-kart kits.
103
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:23,727
- What?
- Oh, yeah.
104
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,406
Gary and I spent the last two months
building this.
105
00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,730
We took her out this morning
for the first time.
106
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:31,848
Holy moly.
107
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:35,722
- Fun?
- No, no, it was terrible. Oh, yeah, it was fun.
108
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:37,001
[BOTH LAUGHING]
109
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:38,605
Hot damn, it's a go-kart.
110
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:40,969
G-man, get over here.
111
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,162
- G-man, G-man, G-man.
- Uh-oh.
112
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:45,402
Oh, my God, my G-man. I love him.
113
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,410
Get in there. What?
114
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,283
What? What?
Get in there. Get in there.
115
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,482
[GIBBERING AND LAUGHING]
116
00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:55,126
Oh, man. I love you so much.
117
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,206
Tell Mr. Griswold how dope our go-kart is.
118
00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:02,365
It's got a Zanardi chassis and
a four-stroke Briggs & Stratton engine.
119
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:05,723
- Wow, and you guys built this together?
- We worked on it every day...
120
00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:09,248
...after homework and toothbrushing.
I love... Get over here, man.
121
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:13,482
Work it, Sugar Ray. Come on, Sugar Ray.
122
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,529
He's working me over.
123
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,490
I'm gonna eat your face!
124
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,005
Kevin, James, get over here.
125
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:20,247
No.
126
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,765
Come on, heh.
Oh, there you are.
127
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,650
[LAUGHING]
128
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,684
- Dad, stop. What are you doing?
- Come on, man, we're sparring.
129
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,611
- We do this all the time.
- No. We never do this.
130
00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:35,202
- Hey, don't hit your old man.
- I don't wanna be a part of this.
131
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,645
What are you doing?!
132
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,723
- This is how accidents happen.
- Sacrifice!
133
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,770
Dad, let go of me. Stop.
Why did you do that?
134
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:48,881
I'm sorry, man. Come on.
I was just fooling around.
135
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,769
- That wasn't fun.
- Like we always do.
136
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:52,331
JAMES:
We never do that.
137
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:55,324
Hey, what do you say
you and I build a go-kart together?
138
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,206
If we have to.
139
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,886
Yeah, all right, G-man, heh!
140
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,281
Get out of here. Get out of here, G-man.
141
00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:03,925
[CHUCKLES]
142
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,447
Did you just steal my son's nickname?
143
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,447
I'm not sure about... Oh, shoot. Dang it.
144
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:18,082
Wow, your ring is getting loose,
there, Deb. Are you losing weight?
145
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:20,322
Yeah. I am. You know what I've been doing?
146
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:21,527
Spinning.
147
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,087
Yeah, it's a great stress reliever.
148
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,925
I'm gonna tell you what's
an even greater stress reliever.
149
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,889
And that is a week in Paris.
150
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,486
Oh, my gosh! I saw that on Instagram.
151
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,130
All your pictures were so great.
152
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:34,560
- So you did see them.
- Yeah.
153
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:38,008
Funny, because I was gonna ask
how come you didn't like any of them.
154
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,844
What do you mean? I just said I did.
155
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,970
All my other friends, uh, who saw my
Paris pics, they clicked "like."
156
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,925
You were the only one who
didn't click "like."
157
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:49,886
Oh. I guess I just didn't get around
to actually clicking "like" on them.
158
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,765
Okay, because look at this one.
Now, in this one we have...
159
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,167
...Sheila and Gary wearing berets.
- I know.
160
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,051
- Right?
- Heh. I like that one so much. It's so cute.
161
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,248
- But you didn't "like" it.
- Okay.
162
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,562
Here are the four of us
at the Arc de Triomphe.
163
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:06,560
Didn't "like" that. Didn't "like" my children.
Didn't "like" my man kissing on me.
164
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:10,327
I promise you the second you guys leave
I am gonna go upstairs online...
165
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,205
...and I am gonna click "like"
on every single one of them.
166
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:17,610
Honestly, honey, it really makes
no difference to me.
167
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,690
So are you guys going anywhere
special this summer?
168
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:23,842
No. I wish. Yeah. No.
169
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:28,801
We are renting the same cabin that we've been
renting for 10 years in Cheboygan, Michigan.
170
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,401
The boys call it "Che-boring," Michigan.
171
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,970
- Isn't that funny?
NANCY: Why don't you just go someplace else?
172
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:39,489
No, we can't. Rusty loves it so much. I'd break
his heart if I told him we hate the cabin.
173
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,211
- Oh, boy. I understand.
- Yeah.
174
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,849
I understand.
Well, you know what the good news is?
175
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,121
Hmm?
176
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:51,211
Honestly, even if you go there and you
don't have a great time, baby...
177
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,762
...at least you know
that I will click "like" on all your photos.
178
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:56,524
Jesus Christ, Nancy.
179
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:57,887
MAN [ON TV]:
Look!
180
00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,526
Look!
181
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:02,360
What the fuck is this?!
182
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:03,887
Louie!
183
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,049
What the fuck is this?! Hey, madam.
184
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:20,841
How much capellini are you throwing away?!
185
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:25,210
What are you doing, Melinda?!
What are you doing?!
186
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:52,284
[CHILDREN SCREAMING ON COMPUTER]
187
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,125
Guys, I have exciting news.
188
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:03,407
James has AIDS?
189
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,528
What? No. That's horrible.
190
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,882
- I'd be excited.
- Well, what is it? What is it?
191
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,805
- The four of us are gonna take a little trip.
- Paris.
192
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,962
Hmm. No, much better.
193
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:16,249
We're driving to Walley World.
194
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,522
- What?
RUSTY: This family's in a rut.
195
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:21,524
We gotta shake things up, right?
Spend a little quality time.
196
00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,809
It wouldn't hurt for the boys
to learn to get along a little better.
197
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,361
- Uh, by locking them in a car together?
- Yeah.
198
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,966
- This is some bullshit right here!
- Hey, language.
199
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:33,164
Well, it is. I'm gonna miss the first
week of wrestling practice.
200
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,402
We'll find a wrestling range
along the way, heh.
201
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:36,971
That's not even a thing.
202
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,283
And, Dad, no offense,
I just don't wanna do my first big road trip...
203
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,363
...to some corporate theme park,
you know?
204
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:48,209
I'd like to explore the real America,
like Jack Kerouac or the Merry Pranksters.
205
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,522
- Don't say weird shit!
- Ah. Ow!
206
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,324
Kevin, bullying! Guys, come on.
207
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,723
My trip to Walley World when I was a kid
was the best time I ever had.
208
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:59,930
So you just wanna redo your vacation
from 30 years ago?
209
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,401
Don't you think that's gonna be
kind of a letdown?
210
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:05,962
No, no, no. We're not redoing anything.
This will be completely different.
211
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:10,444
For one thing, the original vacation had
a boy and a girl. This one has two boys.
212
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:14,366
And I'm sure that there will be lots
of other differences.
213
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,524
- I've never even heard of the original vacation.
- Doesn't matter.
214
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,684
The new vacation
will stand on its own, okay?
215
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,087
Come on, honey.
216
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,402
What do you say?
We can drive out and fly back.
217
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:27,249
Oh, what the heck, heh.
218
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,926
Couldn't be as bad as
that stupid cabin, right, honey?
219
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,491
- That's the spirit.
- All right.
220
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,284
Ugh. Fuck me.
221
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,807
Are we gonna drive all that way
in your little car?
222
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:37,965
Not exactly.
223
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,363
Come on, guys, heh. How come you didn't
follow me just then?
224
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:57,206
- Oh, you wanted us to?
- Yeah, that's why I dangled the key like that.
225
00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,010
- Oh, well...
- Why else would I...?
226
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,003
You could've just said, "Come with me."
227
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,129
Look what your dad rented.
228
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:06,280
KEVIN:
What the hell is that?
229
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:07,487
Kevin.
230
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,362
- That's a 2015 Tartan Prancer.
- Did you say "Tartan," honey?
231
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,409
Yeah. Tartan's the Honda of Albania.
232
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,329
JAMES:
Why'd you get an Albanian car, Dad?
233
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,687
Renting a family car
on Memorial Day weekend...
234
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:21,765
...doesn't leave you with a lot of options.
But this baby is pretty sweet.
235
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:25,481
It's got all the latest Albanian technology.
Check it out. Plug-in hybrid.
236
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,529
Oh, wow, eco-friendly. Good.
237
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:32,641
So any time we run out of juice,
we can just pull right over, and plug in.
238
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,689
I don't know what that is.
239
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:36,888
Never seen an outlet for that, heh.
240
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:38,366
Should it retract, or...?
241
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,205
RUSTY: You would think
it would retract. It just...
242
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:42,771
No, it doesn't.
243
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,291
Cupholder?
244
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:48,286
I think you coil it. You just coil it like that.
Right? Then you close it right up.
245
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,363
Doesn't matter. Still got two gas tanks.
246
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,887
- Why two?
- Carry twice as much gas.
247
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:56,601
- Why not just have one big tank?
- It's twice the gas, buddy.
248
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,603
Actually the same volume. Two small...
249
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,410
It has six ashtrays.
250
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:02,806
Six, wow.
251
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,803
Hope you guys like smoking.
252
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,444
- Right?
ALL: Yeah.
253
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,489
What's with all the mirrors?
254
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:12,287
Safer.
255
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,171
But...
256
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,961
Oh. And this is amazing. I can control
the entire car from the fob.
257
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,164
JAMES: What do all the buttons mean?
- No clue. But we'll figure it out.
258
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,561
Honey, is that a swastika on there?
259
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:25,768
Yeah. We won't use that.
260
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,566
This is my favorite part.
261
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,204
- Slam the door on my arm.
- Heh. What?
262
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:35,887
It has a sensor. It won't let you
slam the door on your arm or leg.
263
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,850
- I'm not doing that.
- The rental guy showed me. Just do it.
264
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,365
- Okay.
- Do it!
265
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,171
- Do it.
- This is kind of fun.
266
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,367
Slam it.
267
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:45,721
All right. There you go.
268
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,491
- Oh! Oh!
- Oh, my God!
269
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,130
- Oh, my gosh!
- Goddamn it!
270
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,130
Oh, my God! Why did you have me do that?!
271
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,362
[GROANING]
272
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,443
Oh, I didn't have the sensor activated.
273
00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,331
- Okay.
- I'm an idiot.
274
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,562
- Do it again.
- No, absolutely not.
275
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,087
- It'll be fine. I just activated it.
- I won't do it.
276
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,765
- Don't be chicken.
- Fine.
277
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,570
[BOTH SCREAMING]
278
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,728
- Shit!
- Heh.
279
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,241
- Why did you do that?
- Really?
280
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:13,640
You're right. I'm sorry, heh.
281
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:17,481
- Ugh! Nobody slam their arm in the door.
- Can I slam it on James' balls?
282
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,206
- You admit I have balls?
- They hang out of your vagina.
283
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:22,442
- Stop that. Please.
- Plenty of time for that.
284
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,450
- Go get packed. We're hitting the road today.
- Okay.
285
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:28,080
Guess we're leaving today.
All right. Let's go, guys.
286
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,531
Huh.
287
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,650
Hey, honey. What's all that?
288
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,007
Well, uh, this is my dream journal...
289
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,491
...whimsy log...
290
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:48,880
...wish diary...
291
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:50,087
...my poems.
292
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:55,201
And, uh, this bad boy is going to be a
stream-of-consciousness travel log, so...
293
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:57,006
Yeah.
294
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:01,403
Come on, honey. Every boy that age
has a stack of diaries.
295
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,250
Okay, gang.
296
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,802
Seat belts on.
297
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:07,846
Two full tanks of gas.
298
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,331
Honey, GPS check?
299
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:10,806
Yes, yes. Roger that. Okay.
300
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,842
COMPUTER:
Your destination is 2560 miles ahead.
301
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,571
Walley World, here we come.
302
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,524
[CAR BEEPING]
303
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,330
RUSTY:
Well, we're almost out of gas.
304
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,362
What? How is that possible?
We've been driving for less than an hour.
305
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,322
Dad, what's so special about Walley World?
306
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,165
I mean, we have plenty of
theme parks at home.
307
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:16,281
Well, Walley World is home of
the one and only Velociraptor.
308
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,204
What the hell is that?
309
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:21,330
It's only the newest, scariest
roller coaster in the country.
310
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:22,681
[GASPS]
311
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,645
Four hundred and fifty feet tall,
110 miles an hour...
312
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,962
...triple corkscrew loop.
313
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:30,050
Yeah. Oh, hey, look at this.
314
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,851
Looks like we got ourselves
a little old convoy.
315
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,365
Let's say hi.
316
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:39,406
- Oh, my goodness. It has a CB radio in it?
- Yeah, comes standard in all Prancers.
317
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,403
- This way we can talk to truckers.
- Okay.
318
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,040
Now, guys, you just have
to speak their lingo.
319
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,005
I'm gonna ask him if there's any
police up ahead.
320
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,123
Breaker 1-9 to Rubber Ducky.
321
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,806
You got any Smokey the Bears
in your kitchen? Over.
322
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,327
MAN [OVER RADIO]: You're clean and green
for the next 20 klicks.
323
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,084
- Ha-ha. He replied!
- I know!
324
00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:00,847
- What did that even mean?
- I have no idea, but who cares?
325
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,731
- He seems nice.
- He does seem nice, doesn't he?
326
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:05,723
Copy that, good buddy. Over.
327
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,087
- Can I try, Dad?
- Yeah, course.
328
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,049
When you finish talking, say "over."
329
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,850
- Okay. Cool.
- Okay.
330
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:16,087
Breaker 1-9, my friend Jessie says
all truck drivers are rapists.
331
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,004
- Are you a rapist?
- Kevin, no, no.
332
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,366
Sorry. Over.
333
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,522
- No, no, no.
- What are you doing?
334
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,286
- What? It's a question.
- Well, you're ruining it.
335
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,607
RUSTY:
Sorry about that there, good buddy.
336
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:31,687
You know how little boys are
when their mouths get going, heh. I don't...
337
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:33,808
Not to imply that you are...
338
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:38,485
...fond of when little boys' mouths
get going in any way.
339
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,923
I am not suggesting that
you are a sex offender.
340
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,570
- Or a pedophile.
- Okay, no.
341
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,286
Yeah, so that's the CB radio, guys.
342
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,124
Neat, huh?
343
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,762
- Hey, Dad, what's a pedophile?
- Hmm. Well, Kevin, when a man and a boy...
344
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,208
- ...love each other very much...
- No. No.
345
00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,682
- I have to piss.
- Me too.
346
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,888
Go with him, please,
and keep an eye on him.
347
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,371
- Okay.
- Thank you.
348
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,889
- Look at that. The boys are bonding already.
- Mm-hm.
349
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,445
Isn't this the best?
350
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,090
Yeah.
351
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:13,884
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
352
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:17,647
Do you remember, back when you were
just getting your pilot's license...
353
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,450
...and you and I would sit there...
354
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:24,128
...and we'd talk about all those, like,
overseas trips we would take and stuff?
355
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:28,361
Yeah, of course that's when I thought
I was gonna fly for one of the big guys.
356
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,444
I know it's not the most glamorous
airline, but Econo Air...
357
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,085
...it's been pretty good to us.
358
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:37,929
As far as I'm concerned, right here
with you and the boys, this is paradise.
359
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,683
- There was a hole in the side of my stall.
- You found a glory hole.
360
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,764
- Russ, no.
- All right, let's hit the road.
361
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,248
[ENGINE REVS]
362
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:01,730
[KEVIN MUTTERING]
363
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:04,127
[RASPBERRIES]
364
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,488
Go to sleep! Go to sleep!
365
00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:37,249
[KEVIN AND JAMES GRUNTING]
366
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,162
- What's wrong with you?!
- I wanted to see...
367
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:48,164
...how long you could
hold your breath before you black out.
368
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,766
Don't do that. I could have died.
369
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:52,285
Whatever.
370
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,002
Goddamn it. Kevin!
371
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,248
Hey, honey, Why'd we get off the highway?
372
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,609
Thought it would be fun for the kids
to see where you went to college.
373
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,684
Oh, God. Why would that be fun
for them, honey?
374
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:23,810
You could give us a tour.
One of them could study there one day.
375
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,002
Oh, no. No way, man.
376
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:29,004
I've got my sights set on something
a little more Ivy League.
377
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,527
Oh. Little fucker.
378
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,246
- What, Ma?
- I love you. That's what I said.
379
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,084
- I love you too.
- I said, I love you.
380
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:37,810
RUSTY:
Let's just see how far it is.
381
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:43,041
- COMPUTER: You are 9.2 miles from destination.
- All right. Check the best route.
382
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:44,800
[COMPUTER SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
383
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:47,691
Oh, I changed the language.
384
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,211
That's not it, heh.
385
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:54,286
JAMES:
What is that?
386
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:59,163
- Uh, I don't know. Korean?
- Oh, God, it's horrible. Just please turn it off.
387
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,051
The menu's all in Korean now.
I don't know what to press.
388
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,282
Why is it so much angrier
than the other voices?
389
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:05,520
RUSTY:
Why don't we just...?
390
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,166
Honey, it doesn't like
when you touch it, okay?
391
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,891
Just leave it alone. Let it calm down.
392
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:12,771
[MAN PANTING ON GPS]
393
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,924
[MAN YELLING AND SPEAKING IN KOREAN ON GPS]
394
00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:20,849
[MAN READS ON-SCREEN TEXT IN KOREAN]
395
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,844
DEBBIE:
Wow, this place has not changed a bit.
396
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,402
- Isn't that sorority row?
- Hmm.
397
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,130
Let's go check out your house.
398
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,449
Oh, no, honey. Don't you think we
should get back on the road?
399
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,682
No, come on. It'll be fun.
400
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,081
It's just a boring old house.
401
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:46,167
[INAUDIBLE]
402
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:57,280
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
403
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,005
Yeah, that's what's up.
404
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:02,004
I cannot believe that they
are still doing this.
405
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:05,211
What is it?
406
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,211
Uh, it is the Tri-Pi Chug Run.
407
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,562
You have to chug a big pitcher of beer...
408
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,769
...and then you have to get through
the course as fast as you can.
409
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,321
And you did this?
Because you hardly drink.
410
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,881
No, yeah. But, honey,
it's for charity, see?
411
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,331
Hi. Would you like to donate
to ass burgers?
412
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:26,284
Oh, no. We're just stopping by.
413
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,602
I was a Tri-Pi a long time ago, so...
414
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:31,327
In fact, the Chug Run was my idea.
415
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,608
- It was?
- Yeah.
416
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,049
- Wait, are you Debbie Fletcher?
- Yeah.
417
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:38,721
Oh, my shit.
418
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,008
Oh, my shit! I can't believe it's you!
419
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,401
Guys, come here! Bring over the book!
420
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,524
- It's Debbie fucking Fletcher.
- How do you know who I am?
421
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,650
Oh, my God, are you kidding me?
You're like a legend at Tri-Pi.
422
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,565
- You're Debbie Do-Anything!
- Debbie Do-Anything?
423
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:54,768
- Go play.
GIRL: Yeah, look.
424
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,844
- See?
- Oh, God.
425
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:01,083
- Is it true you climbed the clock tower naked?
- Of course not.
426
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,402
Did you really show your tits
to anyone who asked?
427
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,642
- Honey, we should go.
- Hang on.
428
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,725
- I heard you stuck a finger in the dean's dick.
- Did you really burn down Taco Bell?
429
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,524
I heard you fucked Anthony Hopkins.
430
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:13,967
I heard that, if people bop you
on your head...
431
00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:16,043
...gold coins come out of your butt.
432
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,043
- Okay, ladies, heh.
- What?
433
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:22,806
I think I know my wife pretty well, and she
wouldn't have done any of those things.
434
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:27,090
But you know what? What's important is not
whether I did them or I didn't do them.
435
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,847
What's important is that you guys are
idolizing very bad behavior here.
436
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,731
Uh, ew, you don't sound
like Debbie Do-Anything.
437
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,450
I had a feeling she was all hype.
438
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,682
Bet she didn't even come up
with the Chug Run.
439
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:39,444
Hey, wait a minute. Excuse me.
440
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,763
I did come up with the Chug Run, all right?
441
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,001
And I ran it.
442
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,520
- Sure you did.
DEBBIE: No, I did.
443
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,404
- In 16 seconds, okay?
- Okay, hon.
444
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,480
- Prove it.
- She can't do it now. She's old.
445
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:51,721
Excuse me, girl?
446
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:54,526
I didn't mean it like that.
I just mean... you're old.
447
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,370
[LAUGHING]
448
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,161
Oh, yeah.
449
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,891
Never heard that laugh before.
I don't like it.
450
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:04,121
Hold my bag. Uh-uh.
451
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,568
Why? You're not actually
going on this thing.
452
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:11,202
Yes, I am. This Chug Run raised
thousands of dollars for charity, all right?
453
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:15,166
I might not have gotten good grades while
I was here, but at least I did something.
454
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,762
It sounds like you did a lot.
You stuck your finger in the dean's penis.
455
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:23,130
It's not important what I stuck my finger in
and what I burnt down. What is important...
456
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,250
- ...is that these bitches are disrespecting me.
- "Bitches"?
457
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:27,606
Bring it on.
458
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,528
No one's calling me old. Fuck you.
459
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,729
All right, boobs, pitcher. Let's go.
Come on, come on, come on.
460
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,881
Tri-Pi, motherfuckers!
461
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:44,241
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
462
00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,644
Oh, Jesus Christ.
463
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,330
ALL:
Three! Two! One!
464
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:19,165
Oh, honey.
465
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:28,206
[ALL GROANING]
466
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:34,000
What's Mom doing?
467
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,891
She's, uh, teaching
these bitches a lesson.
468
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:51,244
This is the best thing I've ever seen.
469
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:54,721
[CHANTING]
Go! Go! Go!
470
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,046
Why is she puking so much?
471
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:05,164
It's for ass burgers.
472
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,687
Tri-Pi, motherfuckers.
473
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,370
[VOMITS]
474
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,926
Mom, you should try and stay hydrated.
475
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:40,971
What? What are you doing?
476
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:44,730
How about some tunes?
477
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:47,326
[SEAL'S "KISS FROM A ROSE"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
478
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,801
Oh, my God. I can't believe it.
479
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:51,724
I love this song.
480
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,645
Guys, it's Seal.
481
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,083
Heh. Everybody sing it with me.
482
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:02,571
[SINGING] There used to be a graying tower
Alone on the sea
483
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:03,767
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Come on, guys.
484
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:09,609
[SINGING] You became
The light on the dark side of me
485
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:11,000
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Deb?
486
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:15,649
[SINGING] Love remained
A drug that's the high and not...
487
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:16,847
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Guys? No?
488
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,168
[SINGING]
Did you know that when it snows
489
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:20,520
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Kevin? James?
490
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:21,846
[SINGING]
My eyes become large
491
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:23,365
Is this a man or a woman singing?
492
00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,171
It's a man. And the coolest man ever.
493
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:27,810
He overcame lupus.
494
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:34,286
[SINGING] Baby I compare you to
a kiss from a rose on the gray
495
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,205
[IN NORMAL VOICE] I can't believe
no one in this family wants to sing.
496
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:39,522
[SINGING]
--stranger it feels, yeah.
497
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:40,960
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Batman Forever?
498
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,526
[SINGING]
--that your rose is in bloom
499
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:44,806
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Val Kilmer.
500
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:48,442
[SINGING]
A light hits the gloom on the gray
501
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:51,444
[HORN HONKS AND TIRES SCREECHING]
502
00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:54,440
He's come back to kill us.
503
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:58,483
- Gun it, Russ!
- Gunning it.
504
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:03,640
JAMES: You gotta go faster, Dad!
Go faster!
505
00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,240
- The Prancer doesn't go any faster!
DEBBIE: What do we do?!
506
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,209
Maybe if I press this rabbit button...
507
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,806
...it'll give it a boost or something.
RUSTY: Yes, try it.
508
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,651
- Why is there a button for that?
- And why is it a rabbit?
509
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:17,881
Okay...
510
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:19,929
- Uh, rocket. Here you go. Try that.
RUSTY: Yes.
511
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:21,647
What? What's happening?
512
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,404
- Why am I swiveling?
- I don't know!
513
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:25,050
- Grab the wheel!
- It won't stop!
514
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:28,124
- Hit the gas! Hit the gas!
- Okay, I'm trying to hit...
515
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,488
[ALL SCREAMING]
516
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:33,249
We're gonna die!
517
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:39,723
- Okay, I got the wheel. I got the wheel.
- Okay, okay.
518
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:41,845
DEBBIE:
Okay, what are we gonna do?
519
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:43,929
- I have an idea.
- What?
520
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:45,770
- Handbrake turn.
- What?
521
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:49,931
Pull the wheel left, yank the handbrake,
do a 180, cross the median, drive past him.
522
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,686
- You know how, Dad?
- If Vin Diesel can do it, so can I.
523
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,002
- Why are you as good as Vin Diesel?
- Hang on.
524
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:01,564
[ALL SCREAMING]
525
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,927
That's not what I was trying to do.
526
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,481
- Everybody okay?
- Oh, shit!
527
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:12,687
[TIRES SCREECHING]
528
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,603
- Go, Dad! Go, go!
- Oh, my God.
529
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:27,931
[ALL SCREAMING]
530
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,410
[COMPUTER SPEAKS
IN KOREAN AND ALL GASP]
531
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:47,050
- Oh, shit!
- Goddamn it.
532
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,491
All right, boys. This is you.
533
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:01,166
- I call both beds.
DEBBIE: You get one bed.
534
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:03,527
If you need anything, Mom and I
are next door.
535
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,729
Oh, uh, I think I saw a hot tub, Dad.
Is it okay if I take a soak?
536
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,204
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
537
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:11,522
But if anyone tries to
shove you in their car...
538
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:13,808
...give them a good scratch
like I showed you.
539
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:15,007
- I will.
- All right.
540
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:16,321
- Attaboy.
- Thanks.
541
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:19,530
RUSTY:
So...
542
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:24,282
...how come you never told me about
the whole Debbie Do-Anything thing?
543
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:26,528
Heh. Come on, that was so long ago.
544
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,126
Yeah, but it's part of who you are...
545
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:30,964
...and I wanna know all about you.
546
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:34,363
All right. Well, that's fair.
What do you wanna know?
547
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:36,522
How many guys did you sleep with
before me?
548
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:38,250
No, no, no.
549
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:40,129
- No, no, no.
- Oh, come on.
550
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,203
Come on. That's not important.
551
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,886
- No, I know. But I'm just...
- You really need to know?
552
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:46,730
- It just...
- Oh, okay.
553
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:48,684
- I'm just curious.
- Okay, okay.
554
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,481
Um, let's see.
555
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:57,681
And then...
556
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:00,124
Kind of taking you a little while, heh.
557
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,681
Okay, uh, so around...
558
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:04,360
- Th...
- Three.
559
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:09,204
Three. That's actually reassuring,
because, heh, it's the same as me.
560
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:11,721
No, didn't say three.
561
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:14,489
Thirteen? Thirteen?
562
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,802
- Nope.
- And it's not three?
563
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:18,200
It's around 30.
564
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:19,725
Thirty! Phew.
565
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:21,571
Wow, holy cow.
566
00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:24,485
See, now I feel like you're judging me.
567
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:25,880
I'm Judging me.
568
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:30,407
- Your number is so much higher than mine.
- Yes, it is a big number...
569
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,166
...but it doesn't matter.
Honey, it doesn't matter.
570
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:36,085
You're so cool. I feel like a loser.
571
00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:38,720
You are not a loser, okay?
572
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:42,885
Yeah? Because, uh, I had to work
pretty hard just to get those three.
573
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,601
Had to take care of Jenny's grandfather
for months before she slept with me.
574
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,445
- And he was racist.
- Please, don't base it on me.
575
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:52,170
I was, like, crazy back then.
576
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:55,728
I was completely immature and acting out...
577
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:58,645
...and just really, like,
free with my body...
578
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:00,962
...and that's just not who I am anymore.
579
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:02,525
That's not who we are.
580
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:05,365
Well, we're pretty free with our bodies.
581
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:06,931
But you have to admit...
582
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:09,168
...I feel like we've gotten...
583
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:14,283
...like, less free with our bodies.
584
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,647
But we have sex every week
with our bodies.
585
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:18,330
We do. But...
586
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,689
I mean, it's gotten a little routine, babe.
587
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:26,050
You know, you always are lighting
that same Yankee Candle and everything.
588
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:31,206
And I don't know, it might be nice to mix
it up a little bit every once in a while.
589
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:32,521
Okay? No big deal.
590
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:34,648
I'm gonna go take a shower, okay?
591
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:36,689
I'm gonna take one with you.
592
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,684
- Hmm?
- Uh... We'll have sex in it.
593
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,444
Yeah. In the shower.
594
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,762
How's that for getting free
with our bodies, Debbie Do-Anything?
595
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:48,524
- I like that.
- Yeah.
596
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:50,250
Oh, Russ.
597
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:51,566
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
598
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:54,488
Just be careful not to drop the soap.
599
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:55,971
Oh, I won't.
600
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,202
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
601
00:35:58,360 --> 00:35:59,521
What?
602
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,443
- This is fun and different.
- I know. It is.
603
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:06,570
You are so cute when you get
excited about stuff.
604
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,167
You're, like, so cute always.
605
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,641
Aw, honey.
606
00:36:14,720 --> 00:36:17,610
Oh, my... Holy shit! Are those mushrooms?!
607
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:18,886
RUSTY:
Looks like somebody...
608
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:20,929
- ...blew their head off in there.
- Oh, God.
609
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:23,450
So should we, uh...?
610
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:25,329
Should we get in or...?
611
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:28,249
No, right, heh?
612
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:32,007
Yeah. I'm gonna see if there's
something to clean that with.
613
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,242
Hmm. Maybe the housekeeping left a...
614
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:37,244
Oh, well, here's a Brillo Pad.
615
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:38,811
I'll just...
616
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:40,450
DEBBIE: Russ.
- Yeah.
617
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:41,886
DEBBIE:
That's not a Brillo Pad.
618
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:43,326
It's a ball of pubic hair.
619
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:45,761
[RUSTY YELLS]
620
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:47,644
- Oh, my gosh.
- There's so much of it.
621
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:51,043
Who has that much pubic hair?
It's not even possible.
622
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:53,567
No, not one person.
That's all different colors.
623
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,602
That's from like 30 different guys.
624
00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:59,444
DEBBIE:
Oh, shut up, Russ.
625
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:01,051
No. I'm sorry.
626
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:04,044
JAMES [SINGING]:
Through the curtains hanging in the window
627
00:37:04,240 --> 00:37:08,245
In the evening on a Friday night
628
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:09,885
[JAMES PLAYING GUITAR]
629
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,930
Little light shining through the window
630
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:18,206
Lets me know everything's
gonna be all right
631
00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:23,883
Summer breeze makes me feel fine
632
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,484
Blowing through the jasmine in my mi...
633
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:28,727
You're pretty good.
634
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:33,687
Jeez, sorry.
635
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,161
I, uh, heh, didn't mean to scare you.
636
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:39,649
[IN NORMAL VOICE]: Hi.
- Hi.
637
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:43,122
- You were in the Jeep.
- And you were in that plastic bag.
638
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:45,928
That was my stupid brother.
639
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:47,923
Gotcha. Big brothers suck.
640
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:49,161
Oh, no.
641
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:51,641
Yeah, big, heh.
642
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:52,961
I'm Adena.
643
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:54,846
James.
644
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,008
- I have a penis.
- What?
645
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:58,685
It's on your guitar.
646
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,202
- Same brother.
- What an asshole.
647
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:03,964
Yeah.
648
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:05,804
You wanna go in?
649
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:07,325
Absolutely.
650
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:10,243
RUSTY:
Well, what have we here?
651
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,607
Little Romeo and Juliet situation?
652
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:14,131
[CHUCKLING]
653
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:16,920
My name's Russ. Pleased to meet you both.
654
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,482
I'm just a stranger, passing through town.
655
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:25,247
But I couldn't help noticing how
incredibly handsome this young man is.
656
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,243
What's your story? You got a girlfriend?
657
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:28,686
No.
658
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:30,569
What? No girlfriend?
659
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:34,047
Cute boy like that?
Somebody's gonna snatch you up.
660
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:35,884
- Do you want me to call the cops?
- No.
661
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:37,605
And he plays guitar?
662
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:39,171
Dream boy.
663
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:41,086
- Make a muscle.
- I'd...
664
00:38:41,240 --> 00:38:42,400
- Do it.
JAMES: ...rather not.
665
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:44,204
Take your shirt off. Make a muscle.
666
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:46,169
- I really don't want to.
- Don't be shy.
667
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,200
- Show us what you're working with.
- All right.
668
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,965
Um, I should go.
669
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:54,648
Are you sure that you'll be okay?
670
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:56,040
I think so.
671
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:57,611
Okay.
672
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:01,646
Bye.
673
00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:03,287
Dang it.
674
00:39:03,720 --> 00:39:06,644
- Dad, why would you do that?
- Saw you talking to her.
675
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:09,883
- Figured you could use a wingman.
- I didn't need a wingman.
676
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:13,761
- Well, heh, looks like you did. She left.
- That's because you were approaching...
677
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:15,968
You know, James, when I was your age...
678
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:20,643
...Grandpa Clark sat me down
and we had a little chat.
679
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:25,044
Seeing you with that girl made me
realize that we haven't had that chat yet.
680
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:26,690
- We don't need that chat.
- Yeah?
681
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:30,248
Come on, I know it's embarrassing,
but it'd be a lot more embarrassing...
682
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:33,244
...if you found yourself tummy to tummy
with a lady friend...
683
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:36,244
...and didn't know what goes where.
- I know what goes where.
684
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:37,526
- You do?
- Uh-huh.
685
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:38,966
- You sure?
- Yep.
686
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:41,964
All right, all right.
Well, I just want you to know...
687
00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:46,170
...I'm here to answer any questions
you might have about that stuff.
688
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,840
No matter how uncomfortable it seems.
689
00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:52,405
Yeah, okay.
690
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:55,609
- Yeah, right. Here it comes.
- Yeah. All right. Okay.
691
00:39:56,080 --> 00:40:00,688
Uh, there were some kids at school
who were talking about...
692
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:01,921
...rim jobs.
693
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:05,323
- Hmm.
- So, what's that? What's a rim job?
694
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:07,443
- Rim jobs.
- Yeah.
695
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,161
- Is that R-I-M?
- Mm-hm.
696
00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:13,643
Rim job. Country of origin.
697
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,207
I don't know. Um, America.
698
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:18,010
Can I hear it in a sentence?
699
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,248
- What's a rim job, Dad?
- Oh.
700
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,042
Well, rim job.
701
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:28,927
I would guess a rim job is when you
kiss someone with your mouth closed.
702
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:31,731
Right? So you're only using
the rim of your mouth.
703
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:33,891
- That's it?
- Sure.
704
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:37,169
It felt like it was something way dirtier.
705
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,288
No, I mean, what else could it be?
706
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:41,326
Any other questions?
707
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:43,084
I guess not.
708
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:44,645
Good talk, James.
709
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:50,165
Now, I hope you're not too old
to let your dad give you...
710
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:51,810
...a good-night rim job.
711
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,251
Looks like we might get to
Aunt Audrey's before dinner.
712
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:11,004
Will Uncle Stone be there?
713
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:13,242
Yeah, I suppose he will.
714
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:16,563
- Uncle Stone is cool.
- You have to be cool to be a celebrity.
715
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:19,009
Heh. He's not exactly a celebrity.
716
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:21,208
I mean, he's a local weatherman.
That's all.
717
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:24,204
Uh, actually, Audrey said that
the networks are interested in him.
718
00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:25,407
- Yeah?
- Oh, yeah.
719
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:26,965
All right. Well, good for him.
720
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:30,488
- Think Uncle Stone will let me ride his horse?
- I don't see why not.
721
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:33,007
- Do you think I can shoot his guns?
- No, you cannot.
722
00:42:33,720 --> 00:42:37,281
Too bad. I would've shot you
right off that fucking horse.
723
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:42,603
I never would've imagined my sister
marrying such a conservative.
724
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:46,287
Yeah, but just because Stone's
political beliefs are different than ours...
725
00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:48,727
...doesn't mean he's not good-looking. I...
726
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:50,649
A good person.
727
00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:52,689
[CHUCKLES]
728
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,331
- You said it.
- Uh, honey...
729
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:55,527
Hey, look at that!
730
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:58,490
Hot springs up ahead.
We've always wanted to do that.
731
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:00,762
Oh, honey,
we don't wanna be late to Audrey's.
732
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:03,082
So we're a few minutes late.
733
00:43:03,240 --> 00:43:07,040
We're on vacation. Right? Come on.
Let's have some fun.
734
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:08,807
Okay.
735
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,808
- Oh. Look at the line.
- This will take forever.
736
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:22,282
Come on, guys. How often do we get
to soak in hot water?
737
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:23,930
Every time we take a bath.
738
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:26,528
No, this is different, okay?
This is natural.
739
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:29,160
This water was heated
in Mother Nature's bowels.
740
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:30,651
Oh. Gross.
741
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:33,088
There's gotta be another way in.
742
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,725
I'm gonna ask this gentleman.
I bet he'd know.
743
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:38,365
Excuse me, sir.
744
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:39,851
- Hi there.
- Hey. Hi.
745
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:44,170
Hey, we were wondering. ls there
another entrance to the hot springs?
746
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:46,561
Like a secret entrance the locals use?
747
00:43:46,720 --> 00:43:50,884
- Line can get pretty long this time of year, huh?
- Yeah. Yeah, it sure can.
748
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:52,451
Yeah, I'll tell you what you'll do.
749
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:55,683
Uh, can you see that dirt road?
That path there on the left?
750
00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:58,446
- Yeah.
- If you just follow that all the way up...
751
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,443
...that'll take you to the hot springs.
752
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:02,489
All right, perfect. Thank you.
753
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:05,610
Oh, no, no. You bet.
Y'all have a good time.
754
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:07,728
- Oh, will do, heh.
MAN: Heh.
755
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:09,490
Hey, what's your pet rat's name?
756
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:11,324
Is my pet what?
757
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:14,246
What the fuck? What the fuck?!
What the fuck?!
758
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:15,447
[RAT SQUEAKING]
759
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:16,761
I don't know him.
760
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:31,166
Honey, are you sure about this?
I mean, nobody else is going this way.
761
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:35,810
Yeah, well, most people think
inside the box.
762
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,681
But you know who thinks outside the box?
763
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:40,683
Uncle Stone?
764
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:43,491
Me. Your father.
765
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:51,242
Um, honey, I don't see any hot springs.
766
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:54,324
Well, the guy said it was
right at the end of this road, so...
767
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:58,690
Well, the guy also did not know he had
a rat on his shoulder, so there's that.
768
00:44:58,880 --> 00:44:59,927
Hold on.
769
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:11,280
Wow, honey, this is beautiful.
770
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:13,886
- Isn't it?
- Yeah.
771
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:16,605
All right, everyone.
772
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:19,240
In your bathing suits. Now! Heh.
773
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:24,366
Looks like we found our
own private hot spring.
774
00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:28,602
- I say we call it "Griswold Springs."
- Heh.
775
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:32,371
- The water's perfect.
- Oh, my God. It's so nice.
776
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:34,284
Why does it smell like rotten eggs?
777
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,920
- That's the sulfur, buddy. It's natural.
- Yeah.
778
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:39,162
Yeah. And it's really good for you too.
779
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:42,051
Actually, the minerals that are
in this mud here...
780
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:44,123
...they draw toxins out of your body.
781
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:45,807
Can you believe that?
782
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:47,121
Cool, right?
783
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:52,247
Oh, wow.
784
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:56,567
Mm. This is perfect.
785
00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:58,644
It's exactly what we needed.
786
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:01,041
Oh, yeah. Good call, Griswold.
787
00:46:03,720 --> 00:46:05,882
- Oh, man.
- Yeah.
788
00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:08,281
- Oh, yeah. That's it.
- That's it. That's it.
789
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:10,966
I can feel my body detoxifying.
790
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:17,207
You know...
791
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:21,767
...it tastes a little shitty, but I think
that's part of it. That's okay.
792
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:23,485
This is wonderful.
793
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:30,682
That is the stuff.
794
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:32,761
What is that, honey?
795
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:34,843
On your ear. What's on your ear?
796
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:36,241
What is that?
797
00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:38,966
It's an ear!
798
00:46:39,400 --> 00:46:40,447
[SCREAMING]
799
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:43,009
Look, James. Found a dart.
800
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:44,565
Are you crazy?
801
00:46:44,720 --> 00:46:47,326
Oh, my God!
Everybody out of Griswold Springs!
802
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:49,448
JAMES: Get out of the poop!
KEVIN: That was nasty!
803
00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:51,687
All over me!
804
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:54,089
I don't like Griswold Springs.
805
00:46:54,240 --> 00:46:55,287
[ALARM BEEPING]
806
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:56,487
Is that our car alarm?
807
00:46:58,560 --> 00:46:59,721
What?
808
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:04,689
Ugh. How come that local guy didn't tell us
there are thieves in these woods?
809
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:06,927
Oh, right.
810
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:09,407
JAMES:
He took my guitar.
811
00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:11,449
Oh, my God. He took all our money, Russ.
812
00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:13,369
All right, not a best-case scenario.
813
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:14,851
But, hey.
814
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:16,604
He left your book.
815
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:20,128
So, I guess we get the last laugh.
816
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:21,327
Oh, really, honey?
817
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:23,727
We're naked and covered in human waste.
818
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:26,884
Oh, come on, sweetheart.
We don't know that it's human.
819
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:33,400
[MAN READING ON-SCREEN TEXT IN KOREAN]
820
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:37,290
This is so embarrassing.
I feel like your cousin Eddie's family.
821
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:41,081
It's no big deal. We'll just tell
Stone and Audrey what happened.
822
00:47:41,240 --> 00:47:42,810
Kids, remember what happened?
823
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:45,401
We pulled over to rescue a baby
from a burning car...
824
00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:48,564
...and somebody stole all of our stuff
while we were distracted.
825
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,331
And why are we naked
and covered in feces?
826
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:53,005
I don't remember.
827
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:55,481
That's right. We don't remember.
828
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:15,565
Oh, my God.
829
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:18,569
Oh, come on.
830
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:24,490
- What're we gonna do?
- Can you give me a hand with this? Please?
831
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:27,246
Just... Yeah.
832
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:28,925
Oh, gosh.
833
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:31,526
- I can't. I can't get it off.
- Just use your spit.
834
00:48:31,720 --> 00:48:32,846
Oh, okay.
835
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:35,601
RUSTY:
Focus on the balls.
836
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:37,922
If you guys wanna stop, that'd be good too.
837
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:42,167
RUSTY:
Stay on the balls. I've got the shaft.
838
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:44,201
AUDREY:
Hi, y'all!
839
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:46,644
Hey. Oh, my goodness. Hi.
840
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:48,165
What happened?
841
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:50,086
Well, that's a...
842
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:52,009
It's a crazy story...
843
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:53,889
Dad got scammed by a guy at a park.
844
00:48:54,040 --> 00:48:56,247
- Kevin.
- Same old Rusty.
845
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:57,890
You'd buy water from a faucet.
846
00:48:58,120 --> 00:48:59,406
[ALL CHUCKLING]
847
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,128
Anyway, you guys look disgusting.
848
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:06,681
I have some clothes
I was gonna give to the church...
849
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:08,928
...if you guys wanna borrow some of those.
850
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:10,570
- Great. Thank you, Audrey.
- Yeah.
851
00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:12,728
- Come on inside.
- All right.
852
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:14,609
Boy, y'all stink.
853
00:49:18,240 --> 00:49:20,129
Oh, I don't like that.
854
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:24,323
Man, this place makes our house
look like shit.
855
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:29,845
Well, Kevin, that's only because a dollar goes
much further out here than it does in Chicago.
856
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:33,131
Especially when you make a
lot more of them, heh.
857
00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:35,440
Just messing with you.
858
00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:38,683
Shoot, you boys are growing faster
than a weed under a faucet.
859
00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:41,605
- You still rassling, son?
- Uh-huh.
860
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:43,484
Uh-huh. Oh, come on.
Show me what you got.
861
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:47,249
[BOTH GRUNTING]
862
00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:51,331
- Hey, Kevin. Get off your brother, please.
- They're just having themselves a rassle.
863
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:54,529
- It's what brothers do.
DEBBIE: Hey, oh, look at you guys.
864
00:49:54,720 --> 00:49:58,167
Hot damn. Debbie Griswold.
You just keep getting prettier.
865
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:00,482
- Oh, stop.
STONE: No, I mean it.
866
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:03,890
You could make hot water
come out of the cold faucet.
867
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:07,530
Oh, heh. That's very sweet.
868
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:10,286
You know, I remember the night
you first wore that dress.
869
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:12,721
- You remember that night?
- I remember that night.
870
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:15,645
- I'll never forget that night.
- Neither will I, baby.
871
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:17,131
AUDREY:
You're my fucking husband.
872
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:19,368
STONE:
Oh, betcha, I am. I'm your caveman.
873
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:20,641
[BOTH MOANING]
874
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:22,649
I'll rip you in half.
875
00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:25,648
I wanna have all your babies.
876
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:27,928
On, baby.
877
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:32,326
I hit the fucking jackpot with you.
878
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:34,403
Oh, God, what I'm gonna do
to you tonight.
879
00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:38,401
Who wants to see Stone's man cave?
880
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:41,527
Yeah.
881
00:50:41,720 --> 00:50:43,165
DEBBIE:
Is this Charlton Heston?
882
00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:45,322
Yep, Chuck was a good friend.
883
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:48,729
I can't tell you how many nights
we spent drinking bourbon together...
884
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:50,848
...crying about the state of this country.
885
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:53,606
It's true, they did.
They literally cried together.
886
00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:56,843
Hmm. Somehow I don't see you
crying, though, Stone.
887
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:58,525
Yeah, that's, uh...
888
00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:00,489
That's kind of embarrassing, right?
889
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:02,930
Not embarrassing to me.
890
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:06,169
Even the strongest faucet
sometimes lets out a few drops, heh.
891
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:08,561
What is with these faucets?
892
00:51:08,720 --> 00:51:10,404
STONE:
Everyone thought that F-4 twister...
893
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:13,006
...was gonna bypass Harris County.
AUDREY: Not my Stone.
894
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:17,882
I had a feeling that that low-pressure system
was gonna make a beeline for Mission Bend.
895
00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:22,605
Thanks to my report, those people had
an extra 15 minutes to evacuate.
896
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:26,168
- Ah.
- Governor Perry said he saved 2000 lives.
897
00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:29,130
That's how many we lost at Pearl Harbor...
898
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:32,489
...so basically he stopped Pearl Harbor.
899
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:35,371
That's when the national news called.
Now, between us...
900
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:36,726
...it's looking good. Ain't it, honey?
901
00:51:36,920 --> 00:51:38,285
[LAUGHS]
902
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:42,521
Course none of that would've been
possible without my sugar mama here...
903
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:45,524
...working day and night to put me
through meteorology school.
904
00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:48,809
I liked working, baby.
I didn't mind it one bit.
905
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:51,082
Well, you never have to
do it again, darling.
906
00:51:51,240 --> 00:51:52,890
But it kind of gave me purpose.
907
00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:54,849
Nope, never again. That is a promise.
908
00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:56,326
[LAUGHS]
909
00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:59,046
Wow, Uncle Stone, I may not agree
with your politics...
910
00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:02,249
- ...but that doesn't mean I don't admire you.
- STONE: Well, thank you.
911
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:06,291
But the man you should admire the most
is sitting right next to you.
912
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:08,524
But there's nobody there.
913
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:11,160
Oh, I don't mean that chair.
I mean your pa right here.
914
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:12,560
Okay, heh.
915
00:52:12,720 --> 00:52:14,768
- He doesn't save anybody's life.
STONE: Doesn't he?
916
00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:19,525
Well, every time he flies that little plane
of his, he's saving lives by not crashing.
917
00:52:19,680 --> 00:52:20,806
And in my book...
918
00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:22,646
...that makes him a hero.
919
00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:25,761
Thank you.
You know, a lot of people actually...
920
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:30,323
Not to mention, he also snagged himself
one sweet slice of foxy pie in your mama there.
921
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:33,484
You gotta stop that today. Stop it.
922
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:37,046
You know what I always wanted
to know was...
923
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:40,803
...when did you first know the weather?
924
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:43,207
You all right, Deb?
925
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:45,323
- What?
- Hey, there's a cow.
926
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:46,601
[MOOS]
927
00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:48,564
Oh, not a cow. That's a steer.
928
00:52:48,720 --> 00:52:52,770
That there is $6000 worth of juicy,
purebred Angus beef.
929
00:52:52,960 --> 00:52:54,007
[CHUCKLES]
930
00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:57,443
It's Stone's new passion, raising cattle.
He's even named them.
931
00:52:57,640 --> 00:53:01,087
Uh-huh.
Old Sebastian here loves him some ribs.
932
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:02,441
Here you go, boy.
933
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:04,762
Yeah. Oh, that's it.
934
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:10,130
- Dad, isn't that...?
- Cannibalism? Yeah.
935
00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:14,126
You boys get up early tomorrow, you can watch
me herd these suckers into the corral.
936
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:16,163
- Oh!
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
937
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:17,731
You herd them yourself?
938
00:53:17,920 --> 00:53:19,490
Heh, I'm a man, aren't I?
939
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:21,051
Yes.
940
00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:25,687
Uh, hey, Stone, not sure if you need
a hand out there, but I'd love to help.
941
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:29,128
Sure thing. If you're up for it
I can always use an extra set of hands.
942
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:32,762
Well, I was born with
an extra set of hands.
943
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:35,523
That's an odd thing to say, heh.
944
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:38,447
But I reckon this'll be
the highlight of your trip.
945
00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:42,207
Well, the real highlight, of course,
will be when we get to Walley World...
946
00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:46,405
...and I take my family
on the Velociraptor.
947
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:50,246
I think it is so weird. I don't know
why you want to go back to Walley World...
948
00:53:50,400 --> 00:53:51,845
...after Dad flipped out there.
949
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:56,170
Audrey, Dad flipped out because
he loved us and wanted us to be close.
950
00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:59,130
And we were.
And that's all I want for my family.
951
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:00,560
[LAUGHS]
952
00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:02,444
You're such a clown.
953
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:03,965
RUSTY:
You're a clown.
954
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:05,929
Babe, baby, I think Rusty's right.
955
00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:10,483
You know, family is the most
important thing there is.
956
00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:12,489
Little something...
957
00:54:12,720 --> 00:54:13,926
[DEBBIE LAUGHS]
958
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:17,721
Maybe we'll take baby Cooper
on a trip this summer.
959
00:54:17,880 --> 00:54:19,166
Yeah, not to Walley World.
960
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:21,010
- Oh, God, no.
- Because that'd be stupid.
961
00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:23,367
That'd be stupid.
How about Paris?
962
00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:24,567
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
963
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:29,210
And then we get back
I can maybe get a part-time job?
964
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:32,284
Well, not while there's breath
in my body, sweetheart.
965
00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:33,766
[LAUGHS]
966
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:39,691
You know, honey, I am really happy
for your sister.
967
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:40,927
- Yeah?
- Seriously.
968
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:43,924
She and Stone seem really in love.
It's nice.
969
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:47,084
These pants Stone gave me are really
stretched out in the crotch.
970
00:54:47,240 --> 00:54:49,402
Weird. Why would they be
stretched out in the...?
971
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:51,210
- God, I don't know.
- Holy shit.
972
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:53,647
How much you think they paid
for this house?
973
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:58,442
Whoa. Oh, okay, whoa.
974
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:00,762
Oh, should I see if Audrey has
a Yankee Candle?
975
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:03,571
Fuck the Yankee Candle.
I wanna do this now.
976
00:55:04,720 --> 00:55:07,963
- Oh, God, you're so sexy. Oh, my God.
- Oh, what has gotten into you?
977
00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:10,446
What? What, what?
978
00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:12,885
This is because of him, isn't it?
979
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:14,411
What? Who?
980
00:55:15,240 --> 00:55:16,810
Because of who?
981
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:18,331
Because of Stone.
982
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:20,801
- What?
- That's why you're jumping my bones.
983
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:23,048
- You're thinking of him.
- That's ridiculous.
984
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:25,248
Then how come the one night
we're with him...
985
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:29,883
- ...you turn into some kind of sexual character?
- I don't know where you're going with this...
986
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,407
- Where's your wedding ring?
- Oh, my God.
987
00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:34,927
Before we got here, you took off
your wedding ring?
988
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:37,048
No, I didn't, Rusty. It was loose.
989
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:38,645
You remember how loose it was?
990
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:40,882
And I must've just dropped it somewhere.
991
00:55:41,040 --> 00:55:44,089
What was the plan? Show up
with no ring, he'll think you're single?
992
00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:46,891
How will he think I'm single
if I'm here with my husband?
993
00:55:47,040 --> 00:55:48,724
I don't know. It was your plan.
994
00:55:48,880 --> 00:55:50,962
It was not my pl... Okay.
995
00:55:52,240 --> 00:55:57,371
Yes, Stone is an impressive man, okay?
996
00:55:57,560 --> 00:55:59,449
But I married you, Rusty.
997
00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:01,841
And I am so sorry that I lost my ring...
998
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:05,931
...but I would never, ever, ever
take it off on purpose.
999
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:10,961
I know, I know. I just...
1000
00:56:13,240 --> 00:56:15,766
I freaked out. I'm sorry. I just...
1001
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:18,320
We'll get you another ring.
1002
00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:20,170
I liked that one.
1003
00:56:21,320 --> 00:56:22,446
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
1004
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:24,324
Hey, y'all decent?
1005
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:25,931
- Yes. Hi.
- Hey.
1006
00:56:26,080 --> 00:56:29,846
Okay. Just wanted to make sure y'all
had everything you needed for the night.
1007
00:56:30,560 --> 00:56:31,686
Yep.
1008
00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:33,806
All right.
1009
00:56:34,560 --> 00:56:37,769
Man, it sure is beautiful here
this time of year, ain't it?
1010
00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:41,121
And quiet. Listen.
1011
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:43,211
You hear that?
1012
00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:47,801
- No.
- Exactly. It's perfect silence.
1013
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:49,240
Hmm.
1014
00:56:50,080 --> 00:56:52,082
Yeah, yeah.
1015
00:56:52,240 --> 00:56:56,165
Well, uh, TV remote.
Okay, let me show you.
1016
00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:58,448
I've got, uh, channels...
1017
00:56:58,640 --> 00:57:00,051
...and the volume.
1018
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:01,565
On. Off.
1019
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:04,003
- Pretty straightforward.
- Yeah.
1020
00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:06,367
- Yeah.
- Great.
1021
00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:07,567
All right.
1022
00:57:07,720 --> 00:57:11,520
Well, uh, if you get thirsty,
there's fresh milk in the fridge...
1023
00:57:11,680 --> 00:57:14,684
...and have yourselves a good night.
1024
00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:16,968
DEBBIE: Uh-huh.
- Okay.
1025
00:57:17,160 --> 00:57:19,322
- Night, Stone.
- Good night, Stone.
1026
00:57:20,040 --> 00:57:21,166
Man.
1027
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:24,251
Yeah.
1028
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:28,521
Okay.
1029
00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:34,250
He totally just came in here
to show off his six-pack.
1030
00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:39,691
Hey, morning.
1031
00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:41,882
Ugh, barely.
1032
00:57:42,040 --> 00:57:43,769
How come you gotta do this at 6 a.m.?
1033
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:46,127
Well, I gotta be at the station by 7:30...
1034
00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:48,931
...for Stone Crandall's AccuWeather Report.
1035
00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:51,603
Hey, you ever ride one of these things?
1036
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:54,011
No, never have.
1037
00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:58,882
But, uh, can't imagine it's more
complicated than an Airbus A318.
1038
00:57:59,040 --> 00:58:01,566
Heh, yeah, well, that's the spirit.
1039
00:58:01,720 --> 00:58:05,042
Now, the key here is to move
back and forth along the edge of the herd.
1040
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:08,329
You keep your distance, though.
You don't want to spook them.
1041
00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:10,130
Got it.
1042
00:58:10,280 --> 00:58:11,645
Okay.
1043
00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:13,801
Are there helmets?
1044
00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:16,442
Yeah, I keep them with the tampons.
1045
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:18,445
Just basic safety.
1046
00:58:18,680 --> 00:58:19,806
[ENGINE REVS]
1047
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:21,411
[YELLING]
1048
00:58:25,920 --> 00:58:27,285
This is exciting!
1049
00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:30,211
It's my favorite way to start the day.
1050
00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:32,449
This, and making love to your sister.
1051
00:58:33,080 --> 00:58:34,320
Thank you for that.
1052
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:40,491
STONE:
Come on, let's go!
1053
00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:43,527
It looks like we got us
a couple of mavericks.
1054
00:58:43,680 --> 00:58:46,524
You take the one on the left.
I'll take the one on the right.
1055
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:48,523
Unless you need my help with yours.
1056
00:58:48,680 --> 00:58:50,125
No, I think I got it.
1057
00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:52,328
Last one to the corral's
a rotten cowpoke.
1058
00:58:52,760 --> 00:58:54,000
[WHOOPING]
1059
00:58:58,440 --> 00:58:59,885
STONE:
Let's go!
1060
00:59:00,040 --> 00:59:02,122
Go! Get up! Get up! Get up! Let's go!
1061
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:03,651
[CHUCKLES]
1062
00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:04,847
Whoa!
1063
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:13,526
Hey!
1064
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:16,160
Holy shit!
1065
00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:17,686
[SCREAMS]
1066
00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:18,961
Oh, my gosh!
1067
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:27,810
Is the cow okay?
1068
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:31,083
No, the cow's not okay, Russ.
You drove plumb through him.
1069
00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:32,810
Oh, no, Sebastian.
1070
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:36,611
Gross.
1071
00:59:50,560 --> 00:59:51,846
Hey, gang, uh...
1072
00:59:52,520 --> 00:59:54,921
Maybe for lunch we could find
a burger place.
1073
00:59:55,200 --> 00:59:56,964
You know, like a, uh...
1074
00:59:57,640 --> 01:00:00,246
Like a drive-through burger place.
1075
01:00:00,440 --> 01:00:01,487
[CHUCKLES]
1076
01:00:02,320 --> 01:00:04,527
I don't know, Dad. I think we should, uh...
1077
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:06,921
...steer clear of that.
1078
01:00:07,120 --> 01:00:09,726
- Good one, James.
- All right, enough, you guys.
1079
01:00:09,880 --> 01:00:13,327
Dad hit a cow, okay? Let's just move on.
1080
01:00:13,520 --> 01:00:14,760
[ALL LAUGH]
1081
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:16,968
- Oh, I got one.
- Yeah? Let's hear it.
1082
01:00:17,360 --> 01:00:19,442
James is a piece of shit.
1083
01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:21,682
You kind of missed the point there, buddy.
1084
01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:27,010
[ENGINE REVVING]
1085
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:52,843
[MAN READS ON-SCREEN TEXT IN KOREAN]
1086
01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:01,765
- Hey, hey.
- What? What is it? What's wrong?
1087
01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:03,126
- Is everything okay?
- Yeah.
1088
01:01:03,280 --> 01:01:04,770
- No, nothing's wrong.
- Okay.
1089
01:01:04,920 --> 01:01:06,968
- Well, what?
- I have an idea.
1090
01:01:07,240 --> 01:01:10,130
And it's gonna sound crazy,
but hear me out, okay?
1091
01:01:10,280 --> 01:01:11,930
- Okay.
- Okay.
1092
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:15,007
We're right near
the Four Corners Monument...
1093
01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:18,084
...which is where four states
come together in one spot.
1094
01:01:18,240 --> 01:01:20,846
- So?
- Let's go have sex on it.
1095
01:01:21,440 --> 01:01:22,521
What? Heh.
1096
01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:27,486
Yeah, that way we can make love in
four states at the same time.
1097
01:01:27,640 --> 01:01:28,721
Wait.
1098
01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:30,730
You're serious?
1099
01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:34,489
Yeah. I mean, you're the one who
said we should mix it up.
1100
01:01:34,640 --> 01:01:37,644
What's more mixed-up than sex
on a public monument?
1101
01:01:38,680 --> 01:01:40,682
Um, pretty sure Debbie Do-Anything
would do it.
1102
01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:42,962
Okay, well, Debbie Do-Anything
was a dumbass.
1103
01:01:43,120 --> 01:01:45,168
Maybe that's what we need.
1104
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:47,402
To be dumbasses together.
1105
01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:50,050
What about the kids?
1106
01:01:50,880 --> 01:01:52,450
Well, Kevin's kind of a dumbass.
1107
01:01:52,640 --> 01:01:53,766
No, no, honey.
1108
01:01:53,920 --> 01:01:56,002
What are we gonna do about them?
1109
01:01:56,280 --> 01:01:58,442
They're fine. They're fast asleep.
1110
01:01:58,600 --> 01:02:00,967
We'll be back
before they know we're gone.
1111
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:02,886
- Okay.
- Yeah?
1112
01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:04,610
All right, let's do it.
1113
01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:22,206
Mom?
1114
01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:24,287
Dad?
1115
01:02:30,040 --> 01:02:31,724
- James?
- Mom?
1116
01:02:33,320 --> 01:02:36,563
- Adena?
- Are you, like, stalking me or something?
1117
01:02:36,720 --> 01:02:38,802
No. What? No.
1118
01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:40,689
I'm kidding.
1119
01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:41,921
- Relax, heh.
- Oh!
1120
01:02:43,040 --> 01:02:44,565
[CHUCKLES]
1121
01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:49,402
Hey, what happened with that perv
who was hitting on you in Arkansas?
1122
01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:52,369
That was actually my dad.
1123
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:55,402
He was trying to be my wingman.
1124
01:02:55,560 --> 01:02:57,801
Oh, my God.
1125
01:02:58,560 --> 01:03:00,961
He's a really shitty wingman.
1126
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:06,441
So no guitar tonight?
1127
01:03:07,160 --> 01:03:08,810
It got stolen.
1128
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:10,930
That sucks.
1129
01:03:11,880 --> 01:03:13,689
I really liked hearing you play.
1130
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:16,167
You did?
1131
01:03:16,320 --> 01:03:18,971
Yeah, I've always had a
thing for musicians.
1132
01:03:21,640 --> 01:03:23,768
Well, good...
1133
01:03:23,920 --> 01:03:26,890
...because I've always had a thing for...
1134
01:03:27,480 --> 01:03:29,005
...pretty girls.
1135
01:03:31,760 --> 01:03:33,205
Well played.
1136
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:37,727
See? You don't need a wingman.
1137
01:03:46,320 --> 01:03:47,685
Here it is.
1138
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:49,804
Oh, my God. This is so illegal.
1139
01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:52,770
- I know, it's so hot, right?
- Yeah.
1140
01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:54,365
I am hard as a faucet right now.
1141
01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:55,840
[CHUCKLES]
1142
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:58,930
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Oh. No. I like it.
1143
01:03:59,080 --> 01:04:00,127
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1144
01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:01,327
- Yeah?
- I do.
1145
01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:03,921
- You like it when I slap that ass?
- I do, I do, heh.
1146
01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:07,368
- Good. I'm gonna beat the shit out of your ass.
- Whoa, Russ.
1147
01:04:07,520 --> 01:04:09,409
Okay, right here?
1148
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:11,565
[MOANING]
1149
01:04:14,720 --> 01:04:17,485
- We're about to have sex outside.
- I know. Heh, I know.
1150
01:04:17,640 --> 01:04:20,211
- Do you want me to put a finger in?
- In what?
1151
01:04:20,360 --> 01:04:21,486
- Never mind.
- Okay, okay.
1152
01:04:22,040 --> 01:04:23,371
Y'all wanna keep it down?
1153
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:26,126
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Hey, watch it, man!
1154
01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:28,760
- Get your leg off me!
- You're so slippery and sweaty!
1155
01:04:28,920 --> 01:04:32,003
If you're here to have sex on the Corners,
we're next. Get in line.
1156
01:04:32,240 --> 01:04:33,685
- Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, God.
1157
01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:36,047
[BOTH GASPING]
1158
01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:39,690
Oh, God!
1159
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:42,209
Oh, God! They're in every state!
1160
01:04:42,360 --> 01:04:43,771
So many boobies out here!
1161
01:04:43,920 --> 01:04:45,410
MAN 1:
You two! Freeze!
1162
01:04:45,560 --> 01:04:46,766
MAN 2:
Go, go, go!
1163
01:04:46,920 --> 01:04:47,967
MAN 1:
Hands up!
1164
01:04:48,120 --> 01:04:49,963
WOMAN: Run! Honey, run!
MAN 3: Get your shoe!
1165
01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:52,441
MAN 1:
Drop the flashlight!
1166
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:56,525
You do know public indecency
is a crime in the state of Utah?
1167
01:04:56,680 --> 01:04:57,727
Yes. Sorry, officer.
1168
01:04:57,880 --> 01:05:01,009
- See, we're married, and we wanted to just...
- Save it for the judge.
1169
01:05:01,160 --> 01:05:05,404
It makes me sick how you deviants show up
and desecrate this holy place every night.
1170
01:05:05,560 --> 01:05:08,006
- Turn around. Hands behind your back.
- What?
1171
01:05:08,160 --> 01:05:09,810
KYLE:
Not so fast, Tommy.
1172
01:05:09,960 --> 01:05:12,440
Shoot for sherbet.
What are you doing here, Kyle?
1173
01:05:12,600 --> 01:05:16,207
These people are clearly in the state
of Colorado. That's my jurisdiction.
1174
01:05:16,360 --> 01:05:18,169
WOMAN:
Juris-dick in my ass, Kyle.
1175
01:05:18,360 --> 01:05:21,045
Look at her left foot.
Smack-dab in Arizona.
1176
01:05:21,200 --> 01:05:24,090
You weed-legalizing,
Mile-High piece of shit.
1177
01:05:24,240 --> 01:05:27,289
- Hey, there's no reason for that language.
- Sorry, Officer Mormon.
1178
01:05:27,480 --> 01:05:28,925
You don't like that? I have an idea.
1179
01:05:29,120 --> 01:05:31,487
Why don't you plug up your ears
with Mitt Romney's dick?
1180
01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:32,886
- Ha, ha.
- Hey.
1181
01:05:33,080 --> 01:05:36,368
Oh, looks like New Mexico decided
to wake up from his siesta.
1182
01:05:36,520 --> 01:05:39,524
- What's the trouble?
- Tell you what the trouble is, dreamcatcher.
1183
01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:42,081
You are wearing entirely too much
goddamn turquoise.
1184
01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:43,605
Hey, we can do this without...
1185
01:05:43,760 --> 01:05:47,287
- ...disrespecting each other's traditions.
- Oh, go fuck your wives, Tommy.
1186
01:05:47,440 --> 01:05:49,886
This is what I'm telling you.
Every night we do this.
1187
01:05:50,040 --> 01:05:53,931
You know what this border represents?
It's just an idea. That's all I'm saying.
1188
01:05:54,080 --> 01:05:57,846
- If it's just an idea, then I'll just get the perp...
- Ah! My house!
1189
01:05:58,000 --> 01:05:59,286
- Hey!
- Stay out of my state.
1190
01:05:59,440 --> 01:06:02,171
- What are you gonna do now?
- Get your feet off of my state!
1191
01:06:02,320 --> 01:06:03,651
You wanna stomp on my foot?!
1192
01:06:03,800 --> 01:06:05,370
- You back...
- Is that what you want?
1193
01:06:05,560 --> 01:06:07,005
Hey, I wasn't even in it!
1194
01:06:07,160 --> 01:06:09,686
Don't you kick in here! Don't start...
1195
01:06:09,840 --> 01:06:11,046
How about this, then, huh?
1196
01:06:12,280 --> 01:06:14,328
- We got a live weapon!
- Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
1197
01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:16,926
- Think I'm afraid of that?
- I'm not afraid of you.
1198
01:06:17,080 --> 01:06:19,560
- How about that, huh?
- Oh, yeah, like I'm afraid?
1199
01:06:19,760 --> 01:06:21,205
[GRUNTING]
1200
01:06:22,440 --> 01:06:25,205
- Are we...? I don't want it in my mouth.
- Let's not do that.
1201
01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:28,409
- I'll take that all in, dude.
- That's enough! Everyone get down!
1202
01:06:28,560 --> 01:06:31,962
- Get down on the ground! Get down!
- Get down! Get down on the ground!
1203
01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:34,566
I'm cooperating!
I'm the one who's cooperating!
1204
01:06:34,760 --> 01:06:37,570
- You get down too. You get down too.
- Get down on the ground!
1205
01:06:37,760 --> 01:06:39,125
- Hands where?
- Your right side.
1206
01:06:39,280 --> 01:06:40,691
- Sides or front?
- Side to side.
1207
01:06:40,840 --> 01:06:42,285
- Let's do this.
- Everyone down?
1208
01:06:42,440 --> 01:06:44,681
- Okay.
- I think I'm done.
1209
01:06:44,840 --> 01:06:45,887
[ALL PANTING]
1210
01:06:49,520 --> 01:06:52,091
You can really see all the stars out here.
1211
01:06:53,040 --> 01:06:54,121
Yeah.
1212
01:06:56,640 --> 01:06:59,484
So, what do you feel like doing?
1213
01:06:59,680 --> 01:07:02,206
Heh. I don't know.
1214
01:07:09,680 --> 01:07:11,682
Can I give you a rim job?
1215
01:07:14,160 --> 01:07:15,969
- Whoa.
- No.
1216
01:07:17,040 --> 01:07:18,280
- What?
- I don't know.
1217
01:07:18,440 --> 01:07:20,920
- What's wrong with you?
- I don't know. I'm sorry.
1218
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:22,770
What did you wanna do?
1219
01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:26,288
I don't know. I thought maybe we could...
1220
01:07:26,440 --> 01:07:27,601
...kiss or something?
1221
01:07:27,760 --> 01:07:29,808
Well, yeah, that's what I thought I...
1222
01:07:29,960 --> 01:07:31,803
Yeah. Okay.
1223
01:07:35,920 --> 01:07:37,126
Ow.
1224
01:07:37,360 --> 01:07:39,089
Where's Mom and Dad, dork?
1225
01:07:39,280 --> 01:07:41,282
I don't know.
Just go back inside the thing.
1226
01:07:41,440 --> 01:07:43,442
You were about to let that dingus kiss you?
1227
01:07:43,600 --> 01:07:45,250
Shut up, Kevin.
1228
01:07:45,400 --> 01:07:48,051
- Who is that?
- My stupid little brother.
1229
01:07:48,200 --> 01:07:50,567
I thought you said he was your big brother.
1230
01:07:50,720 --> 01:07:52,882
- I... Damn it!
- Dingus.
1231
01:07:53,040 --> 01:07:56,089
- Why do you take that from him?
- Am I supposed to hit him back?
1232
01:07:56,240 --> 01:07:58,083
- He's a little kid.
- He's a little shit.
1233
01:07:58,240 --> 01:08:03,087
- You don't have to let him push you around.
- I kind of thought I was taking the high road.
1234
01:08:03,240 --> 01:08:06,608
Yeah, that seems to be working out for you.
1235
01:08:07,720 --> 01:08:08,960
You know what?
1236
01:08:12,080 --> 01:08:13,570
Fuck it.
1237
01:08:15,200 --> 01:08:17,487
Okay, so you wanna do this now?
1238
01:08:17,640 --> 01:08:19,563
Bring it, bitch.
1239
01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:22,447
Wait, what?
1240
01:08:22,600 --> 01:08:23,806
No, no, no.
1241
01:08:24,520 --> 01:08:28,161
Wow, this is so easy.
You are such a little boy.
1242
01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:32,524
Unh! There's gonna be a few changes,
all right? No more bullying.
1243
01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:35,047
- Stop it. I'm telling Mom.
- Shut your mouth.
1244
01:08:35,200 --> 01:08:36,361
You gonna stop bullying?
1245
01:08:36,520 --> 01:08:38,090
You're hurting my tummy.
1246
01:08:38,240 --> 01:08:40,527
Say you're gonna stop,
you little piece of...
1247
01:08:40,760 --> 01:08:42,728
- ...ass.
- Wait, what?
1248
01:08:42,880 --> 01:08:44,769
- "Piece of ass"?
- You know what I mean.
1249
01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:47,488
What are you doing to my face?
1250
01:08:47,680 --> 01:08:49,045
- This hurts, doesn't it?
- Dude.
1251
01:08:49,200 --> 01:08:52,647
- How do you like your ears getting messed up?
- It's really not that bad.
1252
01:08:52,800 --> 01:08:55,883
- I'll tap you on the forehead.
- That's not how you beat someone up.
1253
01:08:56,040 --> 01:08:57,565
Very dehumanizing.
1254
01:08:57,720 --> 01:08:59,563
Your forehead's gonna be so sore.
1255
01:08:59,720 --> 01:09:01,609
Stop it! What are you doing?!
1256
01:09:01,760 --> 01:09:05,207
- How do you like your lips getting tickled?
- This is really weird.
1257
01:09:05,360 --> 01:09:07,089
JAMES:
Just smush your cheeks.
1258
01:09:07,240 --> 01:09:11,131
- You gonna stop bullying?
- Fine, I'll stop bullying. Just stop doing this.
1259
01:09:13,520 --> 01:09:14,646
Thank you, Adena.
1260
01:09:14,800 --> 01:09:16,086
This has been...
1261
01:09:16,360 --> 01:09:18,124
...the best night of my life.
1262
01:09:23,920 --> 01:09:25,809
Weird fucking family.
1263
01:09:27,800 --> 01:09:29,564
Well, that was awful.
1264
01:09:32,840 --> 01:09:34,808
At least the kids never woke up.
1265
01:09:44,120 --> 01:09:46,930
RUSTY: Passengers on the left side
of the Prancer will notice...
1266
01:09:47,120 --> 01:09:49,327
...the Grand Canyon out the window.
1267
01:09:49,480 --> 01:09:52,609
That's right.
Last stop before Walley World.
1268
01:10:04,720 --> 01:10:05,767
So, guys...
1269
01:10:05,920 --> 01:10:09,083
...when we visited the Grand Canyon
when I was a kid...
1270
01:10:09,240 --> 01:10:11,322
...we barely had a chance to look at it.
1271
01:10:11,480 --> 01:10:13,244
This time...
1272
01:10:13,400 --> 01:10:15,801
...we're gonna do a whole lot more
than look.
1273
01:10:16,480 --> 01:10:18,881
JAMES: Oh, cool.
DEBBIE: Sweet.
1274
01:10:23,080 --> 01:10:24,127
[CHUCKLES]
1275
01:10:24,360 --> 01:10:26,089
Hi, folks! Hi!
1276
01:10:26,280 --> 01:10:28,203
All right, let's see, who do we got here?
1277
01:10:28,360 --> 01:10:29,771
You must be...
1278
01:10:29,920 --> 01:10:31,570
...the Fung family.
1279
01:10:31,760 --> 01:10:32,921
Huh?
1280
01:10:34,040 --> 01:10:36,122
I'm just messing!
You're the Griswolds, right?
1281
01:10:36,280 --> 01:10:37,566
Yes, that's right.
1282
01:10:37,720 --> 01:10:41,611
Heh, right. The little guy's face
was like, "Fungs?"
1283
01:10:43,560 --> 01:10:45,881
Anyway, I'm Chad. I'm gonna be your guide.
1284
01:10:46,040 --> 01:10:48,771
- Okay. Hi, Chad.
- You couldn't have come on a better day.
1285
01:10:48,920 --> 01:10:50,160
I'll get you all geared up.
1286
01:10:50,320 --> 01:10:52,482
And, guess what, the river's
running way high...
1287
01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:55,206
...so I think we're in for
a pretty sweet ride, guys.
1288
01:10:55,360 --> 01:10:56,885
- Let's roll.
- All right.
1289
01:10:57,040 --> 01:10:58,610
Let's do this.
1290
01:10:58,800 --> 01:11:01,770
CHAD: Okay, gang, joke time is over.
Let's get serious for a second.
1291
01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:04,651
Go over a couple safety procedures
before we hit the water.
1292
01:11:04,800 --> 01:11:08,930
First off, do any of you know this river?
Because this is actually my first time.
1293
01:11:10,520 --> 01:11:12,568
I'm kidding, ha, ha.
1294
01:11:12,760 --> 01:11:16,242
Been doing this about three and a half years.
Know the river inside and out.
1295
01:11:16,400 --> 01:11:18,767
Got my guide certificate from
a Cracker Jack box.
1296
01:11:20,280 --> 01:11:22,760
Guys, it's a joke.
See the little kid's face? He's all:
1297
01:11:22,960 --> 01:11:24,962
"A Cracker Jack box? A what?!"
1298
01:11:25,160 --> 01:11:26,366
[LAUGHING]
1299
01:11:27,240 --> 01:11:29,322
All you gotta do is
follow my instructions...
1300
01:11:29,480 --> 01:11:32,086
...and we got a 50-50 chance
of coming back alive.
1301
01:11:34,000 --> 01:11:36,526
I'm kidding, guys.
See the little kid's face, he's all:
1302
01:11:36,680 --> 01:11:39,570
"I'm coming back alive! I don't wanna die!"
1303
01:11:39,720 --> 01:11:40,767
[PHONE RINGING]
1304
01:11:40,920 --> 01:11:43,480
Sorry, hang on a second.
I'm getting a call from my fiancée here.
1305
01:11:43,520 --> 01:11:46,524
Just got engaged two weeks ago,
so I think I'm gonna take this...
1306
01:11:46,680 --> 01:11:49,729
...or the river's not gonna be the only
hot water I'm in today.
1307
01:11:50,320 --> 01:11:51,845
River's actually very cold.
1308
01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:53,047
Hey, boo.
1309
01:11:54,120 --> 01:11:55,770
- Wow, this is awesome.
- Ah.
1310
01:11:55,920 --> 01:11:59,891
We're about to set sail through one of
America's greatest aquatic treasures.
1311
01:12:00,080 --> 01:12:02,367
- Kevin, don't hit your brother.
- I didn't.
1312
01:12:03,960 --> 01:12:06,691
You heard what he said
about the "aquatic treasures," right?
1313
01:12:06,880 --> 01:12:09,087
- Yeah.
- And you didn't wanna hit him?
1314
01:12:11,440 --> 01:12:13,044
- Well, that's progress.
- Wow.
1315
01:12:13,200 --> 01:12:16,124
I don't understand, though.
Like, what are you even saying?
1316
01:12:16,360 --> 01:12:18,249
But just like that?
1317
01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:20,767
I love you. You love me.
1318
01:12:20,920 --> 01:12:24,208
Tanya, please. Please, just let's
think about this for a second, honey.
1319
01:12:24,400 --> 01:12:27,609
You're all that I have in this world.
Tanya, no, babe.
1320
01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:31,401
No, Tanya, no. Please, don't hang up.
No, no! Goddamn it!
1321
01:12:32,880 --> 01:12:34,769
[SCREAMS, THEN SOBBING]
1322
01:12:51,720 --> 01:12:53,722
Who's ready to go on the river?
1323
01:12:53,920 --> 01:12:56,651
Um, are you okay, Chad?
1324
01:12:56,800 --> 01:12:58,165
Oh, yeah.
1325
01:12:58,320 --> 01:13:00,607
Turns out I'm not engaged anymore.
1326
01:13:00,760 --> 01:13:01,841
So...
1327
01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:05,166
All aboard.
1328
01:13:06,840 --> 01:13:08,330
DEBBIE:
I don't know about this, Russ.
1329
01:13:08,920 --> 01:13:10,410
Oh, come on.
1330
01:13:10,680 --> 01:13:11,920
He's kidding.
1331
01:13:32,440 --> 01:13:33,487
[SCREAMING]
1332
01:13:54,560 --> 01:13:55,607
[INAUDIBLE]
1333
01:14:04,840 --> 01:14:08,162
[INAUDIBLE]
Get it together!
1334
01:14:24,680 --> 01:14:25,920
[INAUDIBLE]
Oh, shit.
1335
01:14:27,720 --> 01:14:29,609
[INAUDIBLE]
Everybody out of the boat.
1336
01:14:39,760 --> 01:14:41,410
[CHAD SCREAMING]
1337
01:14:51,120 --> 01:14:52,690
Can we go home now?
1338
01:14:52,880 --> 01:14:53,927
What?
1339
01:14:54,120 --> 01:14:55,929
We're a day away from Walley World.
1340
01:14:56,080 --> 01:14:59,004
Dad, I don't think any of us
really care about Walley World.
1341
01:14:59,160 --> 01:15:02,084
The boys are right, Russ. I mean,
we almost died back there.
1342
01:15:02,240 --> 01:15:04,641
I mean, isn't it time that we just
cut our losses?
1343
01:15:05,120 --> 01:15:07,726
I cannot believe what I'm hearing.
1344
01:15:08,080 --> 01:15:09,411
Oh, my God.
1345
01:15:09,600 --> 01:15:10,840
[SEAL'S "KISS FROM A ROSE"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
1346
01:15:11,040 --> 01:15:15,090
Huh! All right, that has to be a sign, right?
We were meant to finish this trip.
1347
01:15:15,280 --> 01:15:17,442
Come on, guys, everybody sing it with me.
1348
01:15:17,600 --> 01:15:23,642
[SINGING] There used to be a graying tower
Alone on the sea
1349
01:15:23,800 --> 01:15:25,040
[STATIC OVER RADIO]
1350
01:15:25,200 --> 01:15:26,361
We're losing the station.
1351
01:15:26,520 --> 01:15:28,090
- [IN NORMAL VOICE]: We're not losing anything.
- Yes...
1352
01:15:28,240 --> 01:15:30,083
We just have to listen a little harder!
1353
01:15:30,560 --> 01:15:33,962
[SINGING] Love remained
A drug...
1354
01:15:34,120 --> 01:15:35,929
Okay, no, no, no. It's gone. It's gone.
1355
01:15:36,080 --> 01:15:37,366
- Just let it go.
RUSTY [IN NORMAL VOICE]: Fine.
1356
01:15:37,520 --> 01:15:40,922
Just thought we could all sing Seal
together like normal families do.
1357
01:15:41,120 --> 01:15:42,167
[DINGS]
1358
01:15:42,360 --> 01:15:44,124
- Oh, crap.
DEBBIE: Now what?
1359
01:15:44,280 --> 01:15:47,329
- We're almost out of gas.
- Oh, my God.
1360
01:15:47,520 --> 01:15:48,567
It's all right.
1361
01:15:48,720 --> 01:15:52,520
I'm sure we will find a place to fill up
around here before we run out.
1362
01:15:54,480 --> 01:15:55,561
DEBBIE:
Man.
1363
01:15:56,160 --> 01:15:57,730
No signal at all.
1364
01:15:59,920 --> 01:16:02,241
Wonder if the Prancer has
roadside assistance.
1365
01:16:02,440 --> 01:16:06,206
- How would we even call them?
- Maybe it's one of the buttons on the fob.
1366
01:16:06,360 --> 01:16:08,567
Seriously? You're gonna keep
pressing buttons?
1367
01:16:08,720 --> 01:16:11,690
- Well, we never tried the top hat.
- Oh, jeez.
1368
01:16:12,720 --> 01:16:13,881
DEBBIE:
Oh, my God!
1369
01:16:15,440 --> 01:16:17,647
Well, now we know what the top hat does.
1370
01:16:18,560 --> 01:16:22,121
I'm not gonna do the swastika.
All that's left is the muffin.
1371
01:16:24,640 --> 01:16:25,971
Come on, muffin.
1372
01:16:27,200 --> 01:16:28,406
[ENGINE REVS]
1373
01:16:28,640 --> 01:16:29,880
DEBBIE: What?
JAMES: It started.
1374
01:16:30,000 --> 01:16:31,445
- Yes.
- All right.
1375
01:16:31,600 --> 01:16:33,887
Oh, must be the extra gas tank.
1376
01:16:34,040 --> 01:16:35,087
- Right?
- The muffin.
1377
01:16:35,240 --> 01:16:36,844
RUSTY:
Dad to the rescue.
1378
01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:38,650
Thank God. Wait, where's it going?
1379
01:16:38,800 --> 01:16:39,961
Wait! Wait a minute!
1380
01:16:40,120 --> 01:16:41,360
[MAN SPEAKING IN KOREAN ON GPS]
1381
01:16:41,520 --> 01:16:42,880
- Make it stop!
- I don't know how!
1382
01:16:42,960 --> 01:16:44,371
I'll hit the muffin again!
1383
01:17:05,040 --> 01:17:08,283
- All right, we can handle this.
- Oh, no, no, no. Please, don't say that.
1384
01:17:08,440 --> 01:17:11,762
Do not say that we
can handle this, Russ. Okay?
1385
01:17:11,920 --> 01:17:13,445
- We can.
DEBBIE: No, we can't!
1386
01:17:13,600 --> 01:17:14,886
We can't!
1387
01:17:15,040 --> 01:17:18,123
From the moment we left for this trip,
nothing has gone right.
1388
01:17:18,320 --> 01:17:20,891
Can you please just admit that
this was a mistake?
1389
01:17:22,520 --> 01:17:25,000
But it wasn't. Right? We all wanted to go.
1390
01:17:25,200 --> 01:17:26,361
- I didn't.
- Me neither.
1391
01:17:26,520 --> 01:17:27,567
Me neither.
1392
01:17:27,720 --> 01:17:28,801
You wanted to go.
1393
01:17:28,960 --> 01:17:33,010
All right, I think tempers are getting
a little hot right now. We just have to, uh...
1394
01:17:34,720 --> 01:17:36,165
We just all have to...
1395
01:17:36,360 --> 01:17:37,725
[INHALES HEAVILY AND GRUNTS]
1396
01:17:38,600 --> 01:17:40,045
Fuck me!
1397
01:17:40,440 --> 01:17:41,646
I give up!
1398
01:17:41,840 --> 01:17:44,002
All I wanted to do was take
my fucking family...
1399
01:17:44,160 --> 01:17:47,004
...on a fucking trip to Walley World,
and ride the fucking Velociraptor!
1400
01:17:47,200 --> 01:17:49,965
Ow. There's a rock in that.
1401
01:17:52,120 --> 01:17:55,329
I guess I'm the asshole for trying to
bring my family closer together.
1402
01:17:55,520 --> 01:17:59,047
What do I get? Kids who don't wanna be
with me, and a wife who's miserable.
1403
01:17:59,200 --> 01:18:00,804
- Russ...
RUSTY: Oh, come on, Debbie.
1404
01:18:00,960 --> 01:18:05,409
You know it's true. You think you settled
for me. You think I'm a loser regional pilot.
1405
01:18:05,560 --> 01:18:06,846
Well, guess what.
1406
01:18:07,000 --> 01:18:09,651
I get offers from international
carriers all the time...
1407
01:18:09,880 --> 01:18:11,882
...and I turn them down. Why?
1408
01:18:12,080 --> 01:18:14,765
I don't wanna be away from you
and the kids that long.
1409
01:18:14,960 --> 01:18:16,291
I'm an idiot.
1410
01:18:16,440 --> 01:18:20,729
I should take one of those jobs
and fly off to the Pyramids of Zambezi...
1411
01:18:20,920 --> 01:18:23,321
...and the Lost Gardens of...
1412
01:18:23,480 --> 01:18:24,766
...wherever the fuck!
1413
01:18:25,400 --> 01:18:26,686
Just forget it.
1414
01:18:26,840 --> 01:18:29,127
Forget this whole stupid trip.
1415
01:18:30,040 --> 01:18:31,644
You people are on your own.
1416
01:18:31,800 --> 01:18:34,041
I'm sure you'll find a better
husband and father.
1417
01:18:34,200 --> 01:18:36,965
A cowboy with a huge six-pack...
1418
01:18:37,120 --> 01:18:39,122
...who will take you to Paris...
1419
01:18:39,280 --> 01:18:40,770
...and wrestling...
1420
01:18:41,640 --> 01:18:43,085
...and books.
1421
01:18:43,280 --> 01:18:44,361
What...?
1422
01:18:44,880 --> 01:18:46,211
Wait, where are you going?
1423
01:18:46,400 --> 01:18:48,050
Fuck if I know!
1424
01:18:48,520 --> 01:18:50,921
Ow. God!
1425
01:18:51,280 --> 01:18:54,409
These tumbleweeds are all filled
with things that are hard!
1426
01:18:57,520 --> 01:18:58,567
[ENGINE REVVING]
1427
01:19:02,640 --> 01:19:03,687
What the...?
1428
01:19:11,160 --> 01:19:12,730
Oh, no.
1429
01:19:14,600 --> 01:19:15,761
Help.
1430
01:19:16,120 --> 01:19:17,360
Help.
1431
01:19:18,080 --> 01:19:19,320
Help!
1432
01:19:19,600 --> 01:19:21,090
Help!
1433
01:19:21,520 --> 01:19:22,567
Stop!
1434
01:19:22,720 --> 01:19:24,210
Come on. Go, go, go.
1435
01:19:24,880 --> 01:19:26,245
Help!
1436
01:19:28,480 --> 01:19:29,527
No!
1437
01:19:31,360 --> 01:19:32,771
Help!
1438
01:19:44,240 --> 01:19:45,651
- Don't you kill him!
- Dad!
1439
01:19:45,840 --> 01:19:47,251
I'm so sorry.
1440
01:19:47,400 --> 01:19:49,846
When I called you a pedophile, I was...
1441
01:19:50,000 --> 01:19:51,047
No! No, no, no!
1442
01:19:51,200 --> 01:19:54,010
No! Not in front of my family!
1443
01:19:55,240 --> 01:19:57,720
Your wife left this in a
truck stop in Missouri.
1444
01:19:58,120 --> 01:19:59,724
Thought you might want it back.
1445
01:20:00,520 --> 01:20:02,045
Oh, my God.
1446
01:20:02,320 --> 01:20:03,765
Wait, wait.
1447
01:20:03,920 --> 01:20:05,490
Is that my ring?
1448
01:20:07,040 --> 01:20:09,691
This man's been trying to return it
to us the whole time.
1449
01:20:11,080 --> 01:20:13,208
I don't know how I could ever thank you.
1450
01:20:13,360 --> 01:20:14,850
No thanks necessary.
1451
01:20:15,200 --> 01:20:16,929
It was on my way.
1452
01:20:17,120 --> 01:20:18,246
So you're not a rapist?
1453
01:20:18,680 --> 01:20:19,886
[CHUCKLES]
1454
01:20:23,440 --> 01:20:25,488
Looks like your car's pretty messed up.
1455
01:20:26,640 --> 01:20:27,801
Where you headed?
1456
01:20:28,800 --> 01:20:30,040
Um...
1457
01:20:31,760 --> 01:20:33,364
Home, I guess.
1458
01:20:33,520 --> 01:20:36,888
Well, I can take you as far as
San Francisco. Will that help?
1459
01:20:38,920 --> 01:20:41,764
Yeah. Yeah, that'll work.
1460
01:20:42,200 --> 01:20:43,247
DEBBIE:
Thank you.
1461
01:20:43,440 --> 01:20:44,646
All right, come on, guys.
1462
01:20:44,800 --> 01:20:45,881
Thank you.
1463
01:20:49,120 --> 01:20:51,487
KEVIN: He still didn't answer me.
- Oh, Kevin.
1464
01:21:07,520 --> 01:21:10,285
Well, thanks for the ride.
Really appreciate it.
1465
01:21:10,440 --> 01:21:13,887
You never told us why you keep
that teddy bear on the front of your truck.
1466
01:21:14,040 --> 01:21:16,725
- Oh, yeah.
- It makes the kids feel more comfortable.
1467
01:21:16,880 --> 01:21:18,405
Oh, yeah? You have kids?
1468
01:21:18,600 --> 01:21:19,806
Nope.
1469
01:21:20,600 --> 01:21:22,090
Right. Take care.
1470
01:21:25,280 --> 01:21:26,805
[SIGHS]
1471
01:21:27,000 --> 01:21:30,004
Well, I guess that's that.
1472
01:21:30,160 --> 01:21:32,925
Yeah. We'll get a flight home tomorrow.
1473
01:21:33,080 --> 01:21:35,686
Do not stay here.
Worst bed and breakfast we've been to.
1474
01:21:35,840 --> 01:21:39,606
They ought to shut this place down.
The owner is a lunatic.
1475
01:21:40,120 --> 01:21:41,929
MAN:
You all come back now, you hear?
1476
01:21:42,160 --> 01:21:43,286
[CHUCKLES]
1477
01:21:43,480 --> 01:21:46,165
Hey, look who made it.
1478
01:21:46,320 --> 01:21:48,721
Ellen! Oh, there you are. They're here.
1479
01:21:48,920 --> 01:21:50,001
Hi, Dad.
1480
01:21:50,160 --> 01:21:52,128
- We were so happy to get that call.
DEBBIE: Hi.
1481
01:21:52,280 --> 01:21:53,725
How was your trip?
1482
01:21:53,880 --> 01:21:55,564
RUSTY: It's a long story.
- Give me a hug.
1483
01:21:55,760 --> 01:21:57,842
- Hi, Grandpa.
- Oh. Come here, you two.
1484
01:21:58,000 --> 01:22:00,765
Oh, my gosh. You're getting so big.
1485
01:22:00,920 --> 01:22:03,400
- Come on, let's go inside.
- Grandpa, you don't have to.
1486
01:22:03,600 --> 01:22:05,045
- No, I can do it. Really.
- Russ.
1487
01:22:05,200 --> 01:22:07,521
- Clark.
CLARK: Oh, no. I got this.
1488
01:22:07,680 --> 01:22:08,920
I'm fine.
1489
01:22:09,160 --> 01:22:11,049
KEVIN:
This really hurts.
1490
01:22:11,200 --> 01:22:14,124
Then the muffin made the car explode,
but it didn't matter.
1491
01:22:14,320 --> 01:22:16,846
Our luggage and all of our stuff
was already stolen...
1492
01:22:17,000 --> 01:22:20,083
- ...by the guy with the rat on his shoulder.
- Even took my guitar.
1493
01:22:20,240 --> 01:22:22,049
Oh, James, that's terrible.
1494
01:22:22,200 --> 01:22:24,806
A musician without his instrument is
as bad as...
1495
01:22:25,000 --> 01:22:26,843
...a shoemaker without a toilet seat.
1496
01:22:28,040 --> 01:22:29,883
Ah, I may have something for you.
1497
01:22:41,960 --> 01:22:43,325
It's very fragile. Look.
1498
01:22:43,520 --> 01:22:45,761
- You take care of that.
- Wow, Grandpa.
1499
01:22:45,920 --> 01:22:47,524
Thank you so much.
1500
01:22:47,680 --> 01:22:49,170
- Cool.
- Yeah.
1501
01:22:49,360 --> 01:22:52,364
Doesn't look like much,
but that's a very special guitar.
1502
01:22:52,520 --> 01:22:55,410
- It was given to me by Bob Dillon.
- The Bob Dylan?
1503
01:22:55,560 --> 01:22:56,891
No, a Bob Dillon.
1504
01:22:57,040 --> 01:22:59,088
D-I-L-L-O-N.
1505
01:22:59,280 --> 01:23:00,884
- An accountant friend of mine.
- Oh.
1506
01:23:01,080 --> 01:23:03,447
But it was given to him by Jimmy Hendricks.
1507
01:23:03,600 --> 01:23:05,807
- The Jimi Hendrix?
- No.
1508
01:23:06,120 --> 01:23:09,203
So how's the B-and-B business going?
1509
01:23:09,360 --> 01:23:12,648
Oh, we love it, are you kidding?
It's a great fit for us. We love visitors.
1510
01:23:12,840 --> 01:23:15,810
We love having people around
to care for. We're people people.
1511
01:23:15,960 --> 01:23:19,328
- Hey, guys. You mind if we join you?
- We're occupied right now. Beat it.
1512
01:23:22,280 --> 01:23:24,931
Ah, it's getting late. Go to bed, okay?
1513
01:23:25,080 --> 01:23:26,730
- Okay.
- Yeah. I'll run you upstairs.
1514
01:23:26,880 --> 01:23:30,601
- Good night, Grandma and Grandpa. Thank you.
- ELLEN: Nighty-night. Sleep tight.
1515
01:23:31,720 --> 01:23:34,485
Ah, well,
you've certainly had an adventure.
1516
01:23:34,640 --> 01:23:37,007
Well, yes.
"Adventure" is one way to put it.
1517
01:23:37,240 --> 01:23:38,401
[CHUCKLES]
1518
01:23:38,600 --> 01:23:40,443
- How's Audrey?
- Oh, she's great.
1519
01:23:40,920 --> 01:23:43,491
Yeah, she and Stone, they seem
to be very happy.
1520
01:23:43,640 --> 01:23:45,051
Key word there is "seem."
1521
01:23:45,200 --> 01:23:48,204
- What do you mean?
- Their marriage is a sham.
1522
01:23:48,360 --> 01:23:50,647
- What?
- Well, they sleep around on each other.
1523
01:23:50,800 --> 01:23:53,167
- Been doing it for years.
- Oh, my gosh.
1524
01:23:53,320 --> 01:23:58,611
I just wish Audrey had found a more
solid marriage like you and Rusty.
1525
01:24:13,200 --> 01:24:15,202
Hey, Russ, can we talk?
1526
01:24:16,960 --> 01:24:20,203
I knew we had some problems.
Is it this bad?
1527
01:24:21,560 --> 01:24:23,767
Is our marriage dying?
1528
01:24:23,920 --> 01:24:25,206
No.
1529
01:24:25,760 --> 01:24:28,331
No, a marriage only dies
when you stop trying.
1530
01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:30,801
And you have never stopped trying.
1531
01:24:31,720 --> 01:24:33,210
I just think...
1532
01:24:33,360 --> 01:24:34,850
...maybe I did.
1533
01:24:35,360 --> 01:24:36,407
What do you mean?
1534
01:24:37,240 --> 01:24:39,402
I've only been thinking about
myself, you know?
1535
01:24:39,560 --> 01:24:42,609
I wanted to change the routine,
and go on exotic trips and...
1536
01:24:42,800 --> 01:24:45,167
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that.
1537
01:24:46,680 --> 01:24:51,049
I was crazy to think I could make us
closer by locking us in a car for a week.
1538
01:24:51,200 --> 01:24:53,168
No, but you were doing that for us.
1539
01:24:53,320 --> 01:24:58,770
You have been trying so hard to make
this trip memorable for me and the kids...
1540
01:24:58,920 --> 01:25:01,491
- ...and I didn't appreciate that.
- But why would you?
1541
01:25:01,640 --> 01:25:04,803
I mean, I've put you through
some serious shit.
1542
01:25:04,960 --> 01:25:07,611
Literally, a pool of shit in Arkansas.
1543
01:25:07,800 --> 01:25:09,211
[CHUCKLES]
1544
01:25:10,600 --> 01:25:12,523
You deserve better.
1545
01:25:13,480 --> 01:25:15,562
What, better than you?
1546
01:25:15,920 --> 01:25:20,323
How many men would sacrifice their
careers for their family like you have?
1547
01:25:20,640 --> 01:25:22,927
Oh, I didn't sacrifice anything.
1548
01:25:23,360 --> 01:25:25,567
I have everything I've ever wanted.
1549
01:25:38,080 --> 01:25:40,128
- Debbie.
- Yeah?
1550
01:25:40,320 --> 01:25:43,210
Will you continue to be my wife?
1551
01:25:43,360 --> 01:25:45,328
I wondered when you'd
give that back to me.
1552
01:25:45,480 --> 01:25:47,642
I was wondering if you still wanted it.
1553
01:25:47,800 --> 01:25:48,961
I do.
1554
01:25:56,960 --> 01:25:58,007
Wait a minute.
1555
01:25:58,160 --> 01:25:59,286
Are we gonna do this?
1556
01:25:59,440 --> 01:26:01,807
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna
pound the shit out of you.
1557
01:26:01,960 --> 01:26:03,121
- Russ.
- What?
1558
01:26:03,280 --> 01:26:04,725
Lock the door.
1559
01:26:04,880 --> 01:26:07,724
I'm gonna lock the shit out of that door.
1560
01:26:11,000 --> 01:26:13,480
- Hey, Dad.
- Morning, Rusty.
1561
01:26:13,640 --> 01:26:17,850
Could you drive us to the airport this afternoon?
There's a flight back to Chicago at 4.
1562
01:26:18,000 --> 01:26:19,411
Chicago?
1563
01:26:19,560 --> 01:26:21,289
What about Walley World?
1564
01:26:21,440 --> 01:26:24,808
Oh, no. We've, uh, had enough.
1565
01:26:24,960 --> 01:26:28,760
- This trip's been a nightmare.
- Well, that's what family vacations are.
1566
01:26:28,920 --> 01:26:31,321
- But you can't give up, Russ.
- Well, why not?
1567
01:26:31,480 --> 01:26:36,520
I mean, they always say "it's not
the destination, it's the journey," right?
1568
01:26:36,680 --> 01:26:37,920
The journey sucks.
1569
01:26:38,080 --> 01:26:40,651
That's what makes you appreciate
the destination.
1570
01:26:40,840 --> 01:26:43,207
You had a dream to take your family
to Walley World.
1571
01:26:43,360 --> 01:26:45,488
Never let that go.
1572
01:26:45,640 --> 01:26:47,165
I know I didn't.
1573
01:26:51,440 --> 01:26:54,250
How would we even get to
Walley World? We don't have a car.
1574
01:26:54,400 --> 01:26:55,845
MAN:
Hey, come on.
1575
01:26:57,520 --> 01:26:59,045
You leave that to me.
1576
01:26:59,520 --> 01:27:00,931
[LAUGHING]
1577
01:27:10,120 --> 01:27:11,804
Oops, wrong door.
1578
01:27:26,880 --> 01:27:28,882
Could I, uh, take the Nissan?
1579
01:27:29,040 --> 01:27:31,611
Ha, ha. No, no.
1580
01:27:43,160 --> 01:27:45,481
Wait, Dad, I thought we were going
to the airport.
1581
01:27:45,640 --> 01:27:48,371
Boys, when your father makes you
a promise, he keeps it.
1582
01:27:48,520 --> 01:27:50,568
- That's not right.
- This sucks.
1583
01:28:10,680 --> 01:28:14,002
- Wow, this place is huge.
- Ha, ha.
1584
01:28:14,160 --> 01:28:15,844
This is dope as fuck.
1585
01:28:16,000 --> 01:28:17,161
BOTH [IN UNISON]:
Kevin.
1586
01:28:17,920 --> 01:28:19,922
Told you you guys would love it, right?
1587
01:28:20,440 --> 01:28:21,646
Hey, Dad.
1588
01:28:23,000 --> 01:28:25,651
- It really is dope as fuck.
- I know, right?
1589
01:28:25,800 --> 01:28:26,961
- Guys!
- Oh, wait!
1590
01:28:32,240 --> 01:28:33,571
There she is.
1591
01:28:33,720 --> 01:28:35,370
The Velociraptor.
1592
01:28:36,000 --> 01:28:38,810
- I can't believe we actually made it.
- Heh, I know.
1593
01:28:40,360 --> 01:28:42,761
- You guys ready for the ride of your life?
- Oh, yeah.
1594
01:28:42,960 --> 01:28:45,247
- If I'm being honest, it looks a little daunting.
- Ah!
1595
01:28:45,400 --> 01:28:47,926
- Come on. Race you to the ride.
- Yeah, go, go! Faster!
1596
01:28:48,080 --> 01:28:49,320
Come on!
1597
01:29:02,920 --> 01:29:04,922
Two more hours, guys.
1598
01:29:09,480 --> 01:29:11,608
Oh, my gosh.
1599
01:29:11,760 --> 01:29:14,240
- All right, guys. Get psyched.
- Yes.
1600
01:29:14,400 --> 01:29:16,846
This is it.
This is why we came all this way.
1601
01:29:21,320 --> 01:29:22,890
Excuse us.
1602
01:29:24,240 --> 01:29:26,971
- What was that?
- Last ride tonight. Park's closing.
1603
01:29:27,120 --> 01:29:28,531
- No, we were next.
- What?
1604
01:29:30,480 --> 01:29:32,721
- That's not okay.
- Should be a misunderstanding.
1605
01:29:33,000 --> 01:29:34,525
Hey, excuse me.
1606
01:29:34,720 --> 01:29:36,404
You just cut in front of us.
1607
01:29:36,920 --> 01:29:40,129
No, see, we bought the Platinum Pass
so we get to skip the lines.
1608
01:29:40,280 --> 01:29:41,691
Fifth time today on this one.
1609
01:29:41,840 --> 01:29:46,721
Right, well, we just drove 2500 miles
to ride this ride...
1610
01:29:47,160 --> 01:29:48,969
...so you can't just take our spot.
1611
01:29:49,520 --> 01:29:51,045
Wait a minute, you...
1612
01:29:51,400 --> 01:29:52,526
Econo Air.
1613
01:29:52,680 --> 01:29:53,841
Yeah?
1614
01:29:54,360 --> 01:29:56,886
Good to see you.
All right, I'll tell you what.
1615
01:29:57,040 --> 01:30:00,567
Why don't you and your family
go fuck yourselves?
1616
01:30:05,840 --> 01:30:07,001
I'm sorry, guys.
1617
01:30:09,520 --> 01:30:10,681
Oh, my God!
1618
01:30:13,240 --> 01:30:14,366
Okay.
1619
01:30:14,760 --> 01:30:16,125
You're a dead man.
1620
01:30:16,520 --> 01:30:17,965
[GRUNTING]
1621
01:30:24,880 --> 01:30:27,042
- Get off!
- Oh, it's on.
1622
01:30:27,200 --> 01:30:28,247
Kevin, no!
1623
01:30:31,880 --> 01:30:33,291
No, you're not gonna fight.
1624
01:30:33,440 --> 01:30:36,205
- I'm not gonna stand here like a little bitch.
- What?
1625
01:30:36,720 --> 01:30:37,801
Oh, shit.
1626
01:31:12,120 --> 01:31:14,964
No, Kevin. Kevin, no. Kevin, come on.
1627
01:31:17,480 --> 01:31:19,642
You people are fucking crazy.
1628
01:31:19,800 --> 01:31:22,690
- What kind of a family are you?
- We're the Griswolds.
1629
01:31:22,840 --> 01:31:24,365
See you around...
1630
01:31:24,520 --> 01:31:26,363
...you piece of ass.
1631
01:31:27,800 --> 01:31:29,211
- Let's do this.
- All right.
1632
01:31:29,360 --> 01:31:33,046
- I haven't been in a fight like that for years.
- First car, all right.
1633
01:31:33,840 --> 01:31:36,207
Man, our family fucked that family up.
1634
01:31:36,360 --> 01:31:39,125
- We did.
- Did you see how I scratched that girl's arm?
1635
01:31:39,280 --> 01:31:41,806
Oh, I saw it, honey.
You gave her a good scratch.
1636
01:31:41,960 --> 01:31:44,247
My fingers still hurt a little,
but I'll be okay.
1637
01:31:44,400 --> 01:31:45,447
Oh, boy. Here we go.
1638
01:31:45,640 --> 01:31:47,642
- Hold on.
- Oh, gosh!
1639
01:32:02,840 --> 01:32:04,524
[HUMMING SEAL'S "KISS FROM A ROSE"]
1640
01:32:14,440 --> 01:32:19,321
ALL [SINGING]: There used to be a graying tower
Alone on the sea.
1641
01:32:20,560 --> 01:32:27,284
You became
The light on the dark side of me
1642
01:32:27,440 --> 01:32:33,846
Love remained
A drug that's the high and not the pill
1643
01:32:34,000 --> 01:32:36,651
But did you know
That when it snows
1644
01:32:36,800 --> 01:32:42,648
My eyes become large
And the light that you shine can be seen?
1645
01:32:42,800 --> 01:32:44,245
[SCREAMING]
1646
01:33:08,400 --> 01:33:10,482
DEBBIE: Russ?
- Yeah?
1647
01:33:10,640 --> 01:33:13,530
Is it supposed to stay upside-down
like this?
1648
01:33:13,680 --> 01:33:15,409
Yeah, I don't think so.
1649
01:33:15,600 --> 01:33:16,681
Oh.
1650
01:33:16,880 --> 01:33:18,769
Dad, are we stuck?
1651
01:33:19,040 --> 01:33:20,690
Looks that way, pal.
1652
01:33:21,720 --> 01:33:23,882
DEBBIE:
My eyes, they're starting to bulge.
1653
01:33:24,040 --> 01:33:25,963
RUSTY:
I'm sure they'll have us down any minute.
1654
01:33:28,400 --> 01:33:29,447
[CHATTERING]
1655
01:33:31,800 --> 01:33:35,361
Well, guys, what'd you think
of Walley World?
1656
01:33:38,040 --> 01:33:39,166
Yeah.
1657
01:33:40,760 --> 01:33:44,890
Listen, boys, I can't tell you how much it's
meant to me to spend all this time with you.
1658
01:33:45,360 --> 01:33:47,488
I love you more than anything in the world.
1659
01:33:47,680 --> 01:33:50,843
And if I could, I'd spend
every single day with you.
1660
01:33:51,880 --> 01:33:53,484
So we'll see you in a week.
1661
01:33:54,440 --> 01:33:57,410
- Wait, what's going on?
- Petersons will pick you up at O'Hare...
1662
01:33:57,560 --> 01:34:00,450
- ...and you'll stay with them.
- Where are we going?
1663
01:34:00,640 --> 01:34:03,610
Someplace I should've taken you
a long time ago.
1664
01:34:03,760 --> 01:34:06,047
DEBBIE:
How did you get free tickets to Paris?
1665
01:34:06,240 --> 01:34:08,049
RUSTY:
I used my connections as a pilot.
1666
01:34:08,240 --> 01:34:10,527
DEBBIE:
Oh, you're amazing, heh.
1667
01:34:11,200 --> 01:34:15,171
Well, you are my queen, and you
deserve to be treated like one.
1668
01:34:15,320 --> 01:34:16,367
[TOILET FLUSHES]
1669
01:34:20,600 --> 01:34:23,809
I know it's not exactly first-class...
1670
01:34:24,200 --> 01:34:26,487
- ...or coach...
- Honey...
1671
01:34:26,720 --> 01:34:29,326
- ...it's perfect.
- Yeah?
1672
01:34:39,640 --> 01:34:40,721
So...
1673
01:34:41,120 --> 01:34:42,360
...how long is the flight?
1674
01:34:42,520 --> 01:34:43,851
RUSTY:
Twelve hours.
1675
01:34:44,000 --> 01:34:45,126
[TOILET FLUSHES]
1676
01:34:45,320 --> 01:34:46,651
DEBBIE:
Perfect.