1 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:06,880 I think you have the wrong room 2 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,880 That, sir, is my wife 3 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,560 Ah, I must apologise 4 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:17,420 nothing in her conduct made me think she'd ever been satisfied before 5 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:22,840 Aha 6 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:28,860 Gentlemen 7 00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:33,300 We are here to honour our friend 8 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:36,620 Henry Sebastian Aldershot 9 00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:38,880 seventh Duke of Carlisle 10 00:01:39,860 --> 00:01:40,880 known to us 11 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,920 as Lord Riot 12 00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:46,860 the best scholar 13 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:50,020 at the world's greatest university 14 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:54,200 he did nothing without joy 15 00:01:54,860 --> 00:01:57,140 and everything to excess 16 00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:04,040 Wingspan! This is, gentlemen, key. 17 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:07,140 A true hedonist, who dazzled us with debauchery. 18 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:13,520 His appetites knew no earthly bounds. 19 00:02:16,180 --> 00:02:19,260 No man was better loved by all he met, 20 00:02:21,660 --> 00:02:25,300 nor gave his time more generously. 21 00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:31,140 We thought to see him Lord Chief Justice one day. 22 00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:36,140 But you live by the sword, you die by the sword. 23 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:40,940 And, friends, Lord Riot died this morning. 24 00:02:40,940 --> 00:02:42,940 - Legend. - Mmm. 25 00:02:44,780 --> 00:02:46,440 He will not be forgotten. 26 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,440 - He will not. - Ever. 27 00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:49,960 We will gather 28 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,900 the brightest, the boldest and the best 29 00:02:54,780 --> 00:02:58,500 to eat till we are sick at the full table of life, 30 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:02,900 and never to fade from glory. 31 00:03:05,780 --> 00:03:07,860 And we will call ourselves 32 00:03:09,620 --> 00:03:11,340 the Riot Club. 33 00:03:11,340 --> 00:03:13,340 The Riot Club! 34 00:03:42,940 --> 00:03:46,080 - I am an alumnus of this college... - I'm terribly sorry, sir. 35 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,840 - Dad, the other one's fine. - That room is minute. 36 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:50,840 - You couldn't swing a kitten. - Mum... 37 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,840 Let Daddy sort it out, Alistair. 38 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,840 I'm sorry, I think this is me. 39 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:58,800 This was my room, and my elder son's until last year... 40 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,320 I don't mind swapping, 41 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,820 if this one has sentimental value. 42 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:06,860 There we are. Isn't that nice, Alistair? 43 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:16,260 - Well, that's very decent of you. - No worries. 44 00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:18,260 Follow me, then. 45 00:04:22,780 --> 00:04:25,180 What if I don't want Seb's old room? 46 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:28,940 Your brother was top dog in this college 47 00:04:28,940 --> 00:04:31,240 and you want to live in a rabbit hutch? 48 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,500 Just on the left here. 49 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,920 And it's that one there. 50 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:43,980 You'll find it hasn't got a jacuzzi. 51 00:04:43,980 --> 00:04:45,240 I'm sure it's fine. 52 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,400 Oh, shit! 53 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,420 We used to make things up there, now we just sell things. 54 00:05:03,420 --> 00:05:06,500 But don't businesses sink or swim, if an industry's become untenable? 55 00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:07,940 So why did we bail out the banks, then? 56 00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:09,940 It's different, isn't it? 57 00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:12,840 - You're talking about manufacturing... - Oh, do you want some? 58 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,540 - Sorry, I'm Lauren. - Miles. 59 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,220 - They're serving champagne? - No, I brought it. 60 00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:22,480 I thought, you know, big day. 61 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,520 What, is it plonk? 62 00:05:28,380 --> 00:05:30,180 No, no, it's lovely. 63 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:35,780 Mate, I'm sorry you ended up in the prison block 64 00:05:35,780 --> 00:05:37,280 - Ah... - My father is... 65 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,280 - Are you in the new building? - Yeah. 66 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:40,840 I'm in the new building. 67 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:45,560 Actually, the New Building is the Palladian style one 68 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:48,500 they built in the 1700s next to the chapel. 69 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,100 There weren't any girls at your school, were there? 70 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:54,260 Don't worry, they're just like us, but cleverer. 71 00:05:56,620 --> 00:05:58,420 Nice cape, by the way. 72 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:00,420 Thanks. 73 00:06:00,420 --> 00:06:02,160 - Versace. - Is it now? 74 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,160 - Mm-hm. - Oh, I could tell. 75 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:07,800 Oh, the innocence. 76 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:13,120 Is my gown inside out, am I brighter, sexier, funnier than I was at school? 77 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:15,120 You were a fresher once. 78 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,520 Care to join me in a game of Spot the Virgin? 79 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:21,060 Too easy. 80 00:06:21,060 --> 00:06:23,060 It'll be a damn sight harder by tomorrow. 81 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,120 - Amazing up here, isn't it? - Mmm. 82 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,440 I swear, being in Oxford, it's... 83 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,580 It's like being invited to 100 parties, all at once. 84 00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:52,440 And I wanna go to all of them, you know? 85 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:53,380 Yeah. 86 00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:58,740 I mean, look at this. 87 00:07:01,180 --> 00:07:03,080 We are so lucky. 88 00:07:03,380 --> 00:07:06,840 My dad cried, you know, when I told him I got into Oxford. 89 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:10,980 Maybe it was just the tuition fees. 90 00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:18,700 See, my dad would've cried if I hadn't got into Oxford. 91 00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:20,700 My whole family come here. 92 00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:25,640 My little brother, he's 13 and he can't wait. 93 00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:29,060 Miles, are you... 94 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:31,360 ...posh? 95 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:35,800 Just normal. 96 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,700 You've got quite a posh name. 97 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:41,560 Miles Davis. 98 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:44,540 My parents were listening to Kind of Blue when I was conceived. 99 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:49,160 Good job my parents didn't do that, they'd have named me Gary Barlow. 100 00:07:54,660 --> 00:07:58,620 - So where did you go to school? - Uh, Westminster. 101 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:02,100 Oh, so not posh at all, then. 102 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,540 I've got a bottle of tequila back in my room 103 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:22,640 if you wanted to come back after... 104 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:31,480 Let's not spend three years avoiding the person we shagged in Freshers' Week. 105 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,820 Lady Marmalade. 106 00:08:43,820 --> 00:08:46,440 Oh, I know. Look at you. I know. 107 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,620 It's not long, I'll be back for Christmas. 108 00:08:50,380 --> 00:08:52,140 - Here you go. - Thanks, Mummy. There you are. 109 00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,740 - Bye, Mummy. - Bye, darling. 110 00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:59,120 - Balfour, let me give you a hand there. - Oh, thanks, mate, hello there. 111 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,880 - Back to school, isn't it? Thanks ever so. - Yeah. 112 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:08,960 Listen, Balfour, am I right in thinking you might be a member of the Riot Club? 113 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:12,940 Well, you know, not supposed to say really, 114 00:09:12,940 --> 00:09:14,940 cloak and dagger, and all that. 115 00:09:15,540 --> 00:09:16,600 Yeah, well, it's just... 116 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:20,100 I was wondering how I might go about applying for membership. 117 00:09:20,820 --> 00:09:21,880 Yes. 118 00:09:22,380 --> 00:09:24,840 Um, the thing is... 119 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:29,400 And I'm terribly sorry about this, but I'm afraid if you've got to ask, 120 00:09:30,180 --> 00:09:33,200 you're not really the right sort of chap. 121 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,540 Right. 122 00:09:36,860 --> 00:09:39,020 Guard, ready. Fence. 123 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,020 Come on. 124 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,520 - Darling. - Does this hurt? 125 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,520 Gosh, is he OK? 126 00:10:02,140 --> 00:10:04,100 You have no difficulties with the time frame? 127 00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:05,600 None, absolutely none. 128 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,720 And I'm keen to start an internship straight 129 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,400 after my finals, don't need a holiday. 130 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:13,820 You're not the son of Jonty Leighton-Masters, are you? 131 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,260 My father casts rather a long shadow. 132 00:10:16,260 --> 00:10:18,820 I want to strike out on my own, start at the bottom somewhere. 133 00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:21,280 I'm just very passionate 134 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,240 about corporate finance. 135 00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:32,640 Good luck, guys. 136 00:10:33,020 --> 00:10:35,800 Mate, club meeting. Can you do the pub tonight at, um... 137 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,240 - Oh, yeah. - What are you doing? 138 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,980 Sort of a post-match debrief. 139 00:10:42,820 --> 00:10:45,540 Right. OK, 7:30, pub, can you do it? 140 00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:47,580 I'll be there. 141 00:10:51,020 --> 00:10:53,620 I just find it really annoying when people ask me what school I went to. 142 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:56,360 - Yeah. Oh, I hate it. - I know, I hate it. Yeah, so much. 143 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,800 Which school did you go to? 144 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,640 I just went to a normal school in Cardiff. 145 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,060 - Oh, I've been to Cardiff. - Oh, fantastic. 146 00:11:03,060 --> 00:11:04,680 I love the Welsh. 147 00:11:10,260 --> 00:11:12,460 - Where did you guys go? - Eton. 148 00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:15,580 Oh, oh my God, oh my God! 149 00:11:15,580 --> 00:11:19,700 Um, OK, how do you make an Eton Mess? 150 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,440 Tell him he only got into Bristol. 151 00:11:24,220 --> 00:11:25,680 My best friend's at Bristol. 152 00:11:28,060 --> 00:11:29,860 It's a very good university. 153 00:11:32,620 --> 00:11:34,840 Uh, so I've... OK. 154 00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:44,000 - Anyway, why didn't you get a Lamborghini? - I'm not... 155 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,000 Mate, he's Greek, he's doing austerity measures. 156 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,540 - This is a beautiful British car. - Poop poop! 157 00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:51,180 OK, guys, so we got Club dinner coming up. 158 00:11:51,180 --> 00:11:52,720 - Kidney, Leighton? - No, thanks. 159 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:57,780 Um, and as you know, I'm working on a venue that can meet our special requirements. 160 00:11:57,780 --> 00:11:59,780 Somewhere we haven't already been banned from. 161 00:11:59,780 --> 00:12:01,600 Obviously, yeah, but I need you guys to get on with... 162 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:02,500 - Chaps, squid? - Here you go! 163 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,940 - Mate, that's fucking rank. - It's delicious. 164 00:12:04,940 --> 00:12:06,940 So Ed got totally rinsed. 165 00:12:06,940 --> 00:12:08,940 - Guys, this is important. - What am I doing wrong? 166 00:12:08,940 --> 00:12:10,560 Been on a hosepipe ban all summer. 167 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:12,880 Maybe if you didn't shark them together like a couple of schweffes. 168 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,160 I haven't had so little sex since boarding school. 169 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,160 You had more sex at boarding school. 170 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:20,080 OK, hands up, who did fuck-all work over the vac? 171 00:12:20,860 --> 00:12:22,120 Tubes, you worked? 172 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:25,500 Fucking jurisprudence essay, Dad breathing down my neck. 173 00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:26,740 If I don't get a 2:1... 174 00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:30,380 Diligentia maximum etiam mediocris ingeni subsidium (Diligence is a great help even to a mediocre intelligence) 175 00:12:31,980 --> 00:12:32,880 Touché. 176 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:34,880 Chaps, this is a meeting. 177 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,640 Are we having elections next term? For the presidency? 178 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:38,980 Bell-end, you want to be President? 179 00:12:38,980 --> 00:12:40,980 Come on, I'd be awesome. 180 00:12:40,980 --> 00:12:42,120 You'd be gash. 181 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:44,700 If we don't get any new members, won't be anything to be President of. 182 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,120 With Sebbers and Gooder leaving last term, we're down to eight. 183 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,120 Don't we have to have 10? 184 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:51,120 Hence the meeting. 185 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:56,320 Operation Grasshopper. OK. So, does anyone have any nominations? 186 00:12:57,260 --> 00:13:00,920 The dinner's closer than you think, guys. We've got to start initiations, yeah? 187 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,540 May I say that this is an opportunity to reconsider 188 00:13:03,540 --> 00:13:05,180 the sort of person we're approaching, 189 00:13:05,180 --> 00:13:07,420 really make sure they're the best and the brightest? 190 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:09,760 - You mean the prettiest. - I meant fine minds. 191 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,760 - Kidney, Hugo? - You see? 192 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:13,060 Oh, my God, that one last year. 193 00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:14,220 - Gay Harry Potter? - Yeah. 194 00:13:14,220 --> 00:13:17,040 Harry Potter is gay. He's clearly porking Weasley. 195 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:20,600 Guys! Are we seriously going to be the only year that couldn't get 10 members? 196 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,540 We're going down in history for that? 197 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:29,100 Did they go to a good school? Eton, St Paul's, Westminster, 198 00:13:29,620 --> 00:13:31,520 Harrow, if you have to. 199 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,520 And when push comes to shove, 200 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:37,360 do they have it in them to be a fucking legend? 201 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:39,640 You'll know it when you see it. 202 00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:14,760 Don't scream, don't look at me. 203 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,540 Just put in the PIN number and take out 200. 204 00:14:17,540 --> 00:14:19,540 Come on, put in the fuckin' PIN number! 205 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,820 It's actually just "PIN". 206 00:14:38,820 --> 00:14:40,820 What? 207 00:14:40,820 --> 00:14:45,340 The N stands for number, it's Personal Identification Number. 208 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:49,940 So, if you say "PIN number", you're saying "number" twice. 209 00:14:49,940 --> 00:14:51,940 You're saying "Personal Identification Number number". 210 00:14:51,940 --> 00:14:53,940 It's just wrong! 211 00:14:57,740 --> 00:15:00,320 - Think you're fucking clever? - Jesus, please... 212 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,320 Shut it, you posh twat. 213 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,320 You pompous little prick. 214 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,400 You OK, mate? 215 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:27,220 - Yeah, I'm fine. - Fuck, what happened to your face? 216 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:32,580 Got mugged. 217 00:15:33,540 --> 00:15:35,880 - Hard luck, mate. - Look, I'm fine. 218 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,760 - I'm fine. It doesn't matter. - No, mate. 219 00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:42,640 Come on. 220 00:15:45,140 --> 00:15:47,360 What absolute wankers. 221 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,360 Get a job, yeah? 222 00:15:51,220 --> 00:15:54,080 Shouldn't give you this, you've probably got a concussion. 223 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:56,080 Do you know your name and everything? 224 00:15:57,820 --> 00:15:59,140 Alistair Ryle. 225 00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:03,300 - Not related to Sebastian Ryle? - Yeah, my brother. 226 00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:07,000 Fuck, you're Sebbers' brother? Oh, my wow! 227 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:10,020 - But how come I didn't know you at Eton? - I was at Harrow. 228 00:16:10,020 --> 00:16:12,020 Ah, well, can't have everything. 229 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,040 Good to meet you. 230 00:16:27,380 --> 00:16:29,840 I say! You ladies need a lift? 231 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:33,640 - Guys, this is Sebbers' little brother. - No jokes! 232 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,180 - Hi. - Hi. Bellingfield, I'm Toby 233 00:16:36,220 --> 00:16:38,860 Your brother was, like, the best Riot Club president ever. 234 00:16:38,860 --> 00:16:40,860 Oh, my God, Sebbers is a legend. 235 00:16:41,820 --> 00:16:43,520 How's he doing at Deutsche Bank? 236 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,520 Uh, uh, they let him go, actually. 237 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:47,520 - What? - Yeah, last in first out, so... 238 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,520 Fuck, what's he doing now? 239 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:53,600 Uh, says he's going to buy an Airstream, big old silver caravan thing, 240 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:56,480 start a business doing street food at festivals and shit. 241 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,700 You know, "Really good burgers"? 242 00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:01,700 Mate, get in. 243 00:17:06,340 --> 00:17:08,160 What the fuck happened to your face? 244 00:17:47,060 --> 00:17:48,760 - Hi. - Hey. 245 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,360 Did you ask for an upgrade? 246 00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:58,160 I'm skint. My tutor's paying me to type his book up. 247 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,160 I've got so much to do. 248 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:05,580 Can I help? 249 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,420 We really shouldn't be doing this. 250 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,380 Mate, what the fuck was going on in that place tonight? 251 00:18:59,380 --> 00:19:01,140 You can't dance for shit. 252 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:04,020 Good morning, Oxford! 253 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,800 - Someone put Tubes to bed, yeah? - How about a sleep? 254 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:08,960 Nice bit of Bedfordshire. 255 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:12,620 I am the Duke of Bedfordshire! 256 00:19:12,620 --> 00:19:14,620 - I'm the king of the car! - Whoa! 257 00:19:15,660 --> 00:19:17,380 You're magnificent, now sit down. 258 00:19:18,620 --> 00:19:19,960 Jesus fuck! 259 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:23,740 Dick-fuck it's got on my puffer 260 00:19:23,740 --> 00:19:25,320 Oh, bail out! 261 00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:31,560 That is hanging. 262 00:19:32,740 --> 00:19:34,960 - Sorry. - Is it on my hair? 263 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:36,960 Bit of a chunderstorm... 264 00:19:38,020 --> 00:19:39,520 Come on, mate... 265 00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:44,280 Fuck it. Ashtray was full anyway. 266 00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:46,860 Thank you, Bell-end. 267 00:19:51,580 --> 00:19:54,380 Mate, the homeless can't drive. 268 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,420 Pudding. 269 00:19:58,420 --> 00:20:00,420 No, dessert. 270 00:20:02,020 --> 00:20:03,200 Toilet. 271 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,200 Toilet? 272 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,200 Loo. 273 00:20:09,420 --> 00:20:11,880 This office is mental. 274 00:20:14,020 --> 00:20:16,240 There are some rooms here, you think, 275 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:21,060 "This is too Oxford even for Oxford", you know what I mean? 276 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,640 Oh, napkin. 277 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,640 You say "napkin"? 278 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,660 No, you say "napkin". We say "serviette". 279 00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:42,740 Dick. Yeah. "Dick". 280 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,660 Big night last night? 281 00:20:55,900 --> 00:20:57,320 The usual. 282 00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:59,320 Yeah, I didn't sleep much either. 283 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:06,780 Good morning. 284 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,360 Please, take a seat. 285 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,420 I won't be interested in excuses about not having done it 286 00:21:11,420 --> 00:21:12,960 because you're in the college play. 287 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,980 If you don't bring an essay worthy of discussion each week, 288 00:21:15,980 --> 00:21:17,980 you let your partner down as well as yourself. 289 00:21:17,980 --> 00:21:21,820 Your job is to provoke him, 290 00:21:21,820 --> 00:21:24,740 challenge him to be more rigorous, examine every thought. 291 00:21:26,540 --> 00:21:27,840 Any questions? 292 00:21:29,980 --> 00:21:32,680 Do we need to like each other? 293 00:21:36,060 --> 00:21:37,260 Pull! 294 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:39,620 Good shot. 295 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,840 How do you bear it, all these tourists? 296 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,140 Oh, couldn't afford to get the roof fixed if they didn't come. 297 00:21:45,140 --> 00:21:46,380 Pull! 298 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:50,420 It's always the roof. No point getting misty about it. 299 00:21:50,420 --> 00:21:52,900 Our roof's got holes you could fire a cow through. 300 00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:54,140 Pull! 301 00:21:55,980 --> 00:21:57,200 Arse biscuits! 302 00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,560 A John Senior Sergeant over here. 303 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:01,560 Which is absolutely beautiful for context. 304 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:04,500 And there's also a Van Dyck up here. 305 00:22:06,340 --> 00:22:08,740 Uh, sorry, sir, you can't go through there. 306 00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:21,500 You're him. 307 00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:23,500 God, I'm so sorry. 308 00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:27,100 No harm done, Kerry. 309 00:22:31,940 --> 00:22:35,760 And the, uh, Van Dyck which is 310 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,760 a very nice piece. 311 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:42,260 So this my great-great-great grandfather who was at the first ever club dinner. 312 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:46,180 And this 313 00:22:47,620 --> 00:22:49,600 is Lord Riot himself. 314 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,480 Total fucking legend, that's what you say, isn't it? 315 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,220 Ryle, this is my uncle Jeremy. 316 00:22:55,220 --> 00:22:59,620 Uncle Jezza was Riot Club President back in the what, 1850s? 317 00:22:59,620 --> 00:23:01,040 Little shit. 318 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:04,040 - Pretty much runs the country now. - Well, just the party. 319 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,820 - Balfour, still bowling under arm? - Working on it. 320 00:23:06,820 --> 00:23:09,320 - How d'you do? - Alistair Ryle 321 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,580 See you all for dinner. Beef, I think. 322 00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:19,700 Shall we get the PlayStation out, Villiers? 323 00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:21,700 What, so I can whoop your arse again? 324 00:23:21,700 --> 00:23:24,480 We woke up the next day in Vienna. 325 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:29,320 Passed out face down in a box of marzipan. 326 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,760 That was one of our quieter dinners. 327 00:23:34,060 --> 00:23:37,220 When, um, when my father was at Oxford, 328 00:23:37,220 --> 00:23:40,940 the Riot set off a box of fireworks in the Randolph Hotel. 329 00:23:40,940 --> 00:23:42,700 - Oh, dear. - Classic. 330 00:23:42,700 --> 00:23:43,720 Different times. 331 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,300 Well, you wouldn't fuck about like that now, would you? 332 00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:47,540 No, of course not. 333 00:23:47,540 --> 00:23:49,540 Can't have anything else in the papers. 334 00:23:49,540 --> 00:23:53,200 Nazi shit storm over student conservatives was bad enough. 335 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,200 Children playing politics. 336 00:23:55,620 --> 00:23:58,320 Are you not a fan of Port and Policy Night? 337 00:23:58,380 --> 00:24:01,480 Full of twats who think it's a free pass into the cabinet. 338 00:24:03,820 --> 00:24:07,980 Local councillors of the future. Well, good night, all. 339 00:24:10,060 --> 00:24:12,520 - You sorry bunch. - Night, Jezza. 340 00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:16,360 Hello, doggles! 341 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:18,360 Yes, hello. 342 00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:20,360 Come on, up you come. 343 00:24:22,220 --> 00:24:24,880 You know what Jezza told me? Back in the 80s 344 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,880 they used to hire a girl for the dinner. 345 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:28,880 - A girl? - Prozzer. 346 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:32,040 Put her under the table, went round one at a time. 347 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:32,880 Huh. 348 00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:34,880 Don't listen. Horrid boys. 349 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,280 So, we're at the top university in the world, yeah? 350 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:40,360 Arguably. 351 00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:42,360 And so are 20,000 other people. 352 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,960 But there are no more than 10 in the Riot Club. 353 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,960 The top 10. 354 00:24:52,380 --> 00:24:55,060 If you'd like, I could speak to Leighton. 355 00:24:56,500 --> 00:24:58,060 I'll nominate you. 356 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:13,540 Best not tell Mum about that. Uh, George IV, I think. 357 00:25:13,540 --> 00:25:15,540 Whoops! 358 00:25:19,580 --> 00:25:21,280 That's the college rowing team. 359 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:22,580 When they hear this song, they have to down 360 00:25:22,580 --> 00:25:24,980 their drinks and take off all their clothes. 361 00:25:24,980 --> 00:25:28,180 Do you not think they've noticed it's massively homoerotic? 362 00:25:30,580 --> 00:25:32,740 I've heard the Riot Club have an initiation 363 00:25:32,740 --> 00:25:35,240 where you pour a whole bottle of champagne over your head. 364 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:36,480 Oh, brilliant. 365 00:25:36,540 --> 00:25:38,240 I think I'd rather drink it. 366 00:25:39,460 --> 00:25:42,180 Right. Anyone? Lauren, drinks? 367 00:25:42,180 --> 00:25:44,180 Oh, um, I think we're just buying our own. 368 00:25:44,180 --> 00:25:47,060 Oh, yeah, sure. Cool. 369 00:25:56,620 --> 00:25:59,840 We do it with port, actually, not champagne. 370 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:01,840 It's more visceral. 371 00:26:03,380 --> 00:26:04,960 In the Riot Club? 372 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:06,960 Miles, isn't it? 373 00:26:09,180 --> 00:26:10,600 The school plays? 374 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,640 My Richard III was quite something. 375 00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:17,960 Oh, my God. You're the guy who used to improvise limericks in Latin. 376 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:19,960 And get bogwashed for it. 377 00:26:21,420 --> 00:26:24,460 You look, um, you look different. 378 00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:28,460 Hugo. 379 00:26:28,460 --> 00:26:31,820 - It's Hugo. - I did remember. 380 00:26:31,820 --> 00:26:34,680 You didn't. It's fine. 381 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,680 Cigarette? 382 00:26:39,140 --> 00:26:40,600 After you. 383 00:26:46,660 --> 00:26:49,640 Oh, everything you see is begged and borrowed. 384 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,880 I'm very much the ragged end of the gentry. 385 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,500 So, I must ask, 386 00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:04,920 what's a nice Westminster boy like you doing 387 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:06,920 with all those boot-strappy regionals? 388 00:27:08,300 --> 00:27:11,200 I don't know, Lauren's cool, so... 389 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:15,220 Well, you know what they say, girls for now, girls for later. 390 00:27:21,300 --> 00:27:22,340 So... 391 00:27:23,180 --> 00:27:24,780 The Club... 392 00:27:26,860 --> 00:27:30,320 The Riot Club connects me to hundreds of years of history. 393 00:27:30,860 --> 00:27:33,780 The dinner is debauchery raised to an art, 394 00:27:34,580 --> 00:27:37,940 almost spiritual. 395 00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:40,400 Something is released. 396 00:27:44,060 --> 00:27:46,720 Do you know there are some people who think they're here to get a degree? 397 00:28:04,180 --> 00:28:07,680 Yeah, listen. Could you stop flirting with me, please? 398 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:09,060 Not really. 399 00:28:10,700 --> 00:28:11,900 Go on, then. 400 00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:38,860 Help... 401 00:28:38,860 --> 00:28:39,860 Off we go! 402 00:28:39,860 --> 00:28:42,720 I've got the money for those fines. I will be back very shortly. 403 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:50,000 Maestro! 404 00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:15,440 Straight, straight, straight. 405 00:29:27,580 --> 00:29:29,540 Chateau Petrus, 1976. 406 00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,400 What is the correct way to eat ortolan? 407 00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:07,740 Which is bigger, a Mordechai or a Methuselah? 408 00:30:07,740 --> 00:30:09,740 What is a Roman shower? 409 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,980 Which happens first, the Cheltenham Gold Cup or the Grand National? 410 00:30:14,820 --> 00:30:17,640 What did Disraeli do three times and Gladstone four? 411 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:19,640 What does a coprophagic like to do? 412 00:30:20,300 --> 00:30:22,200 How did Edward II die? 413 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:26,120 Which is oldest, Trinity College Cambridge or Trinity College Oxford? 414 00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,120 Don't answer yet. Go, go, go! 415 00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:37,500 What is the answer to question five? 416 00:30:37,500 --> 00:30:40,880 Chancellor of the Exchequer. - Oh, yeah! 417 00:30:41,940 --> 00:30:43,960 Forty seconds! 418 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:49,820 You eat it with a napkin on your head. 419 00:30:49,820 --> 00:30:51,820 - Come on, mate, think! - Mordechai. 420 00:30:51,820 --> 00:30:53,680 - Getting someone to vomit on you. - Whoa! Whoo! 421 00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:54,820 Cheltenham Gold Cup. 422 00:30:54,820 --> 00:30:57,680 - Chancellor of the Exchequer. - Yeah! 423 00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:01,920 Shit! They do they... They like to eat shit. 424 00:31:01,980 --> 00:31:05,300 - Red hot poker up the arse. - Come on, mate! 425 00:31:05,300 --> 00:31:07,300 - And, uh... - Ten seconds! 426 00:31:07,300 --> 00:31:09,860 - Trinity College, Cambridge. - Yes! 427 00:31:09,860 --> 00:31:12,800 By nine years. 428 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:14,800 That was actually remarkably good. 429 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:26,120 I feel polluted. Those guys are hard-core. It was total carnage. 430 00:31:27,140 --> 00:31:28,920 Are you sure you want to be in this thing? 431 00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:34,260 Yeah, it's actually kind of an honour to be asked, if they want me. 432 00:31:34,260 --> 00:31:36,260 You don't even know yet? 433 00:31:36,260 --> 00:31:39,900 Well, apparently, I'll be sent a sign. 434 00:31:39,900 --> 00:31:41,900 Here. 435 00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:43,900 Well, just sip it. 436 00:31:43,900 --> 00:31:46,260 Oh, I saw your post. 437 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,800 The Honourable Miles Richards? 438 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:53,200 You're an "Honourable"? 439 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,560 It's just a historical thing, 440 00:32:00,140 --> 00:32:02,040 it doesn't mean anything. 441 00:32:04,900 --> 00:32:07,820 God, are you sure you wouldn't prefer 442 00:32:07,820 --> 00:32:12,280 one of those rah girls with all the hair? 443 00:32:14,740 --> 00:32:16,160 Listen. 444 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:21,120 I've been out with those girls. 445 00:32:23,420 --> 00:32:26,760 And you are so much better. 446 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:30,120 - Hmm. - You're gorgeous. 447 00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,120 Everything you've just said is bollocks. 448 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,120 Or to put it another way? 449 00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:36,980 Woolly liberal bollocks. 450 00:32:36,980 --> 00:32:41,200 Sorry, but calling the Beveridge Report "a wholly positive force"... 451 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:46,160 The NHS and the welfare state were founded on the post-war re-evaluation of society. 452 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:49,340 Which your essay suggests is some kind of socialist utopia! 453 00:32:49,340 --> 00:32:52,420 I'm just saying, the culture of dependency it fostered... 454 00:32:52,420 --> 00:32:55,140 Fostered moral citizenship! 455 00:32:55,140 --> 00:32:57,540 Forcing people to pay for other people's bad choices. 456 00:32:57,540 --> 00:32:59,000 - Or bad luck! - Gentlemen! 457 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,800 May I suggest, we're straying into subjective territory. 458 00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:05,880 I'm much less interested in your opinions than I am in intellectual rigour. 459 00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:07,880 We're historians. Not guests on Newsnight. 460 00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:26,680 Welcome to the Riot Club. 461 00:33:28,620 --> 00:33:29,580 You fuckers. 462 00:33:29,580 --> 00:33:32,360 You total fuckers. 463 00:33:32,900 --> 00:33:34,540 We aim to please. 464 00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:40,140 Hope you weren't too attached to your, um, everything. 465 00:33:46,940 --> 00:33:50,040 - Shit! Oh, fuck! - Miles? 466 00:33:51,020 --> 00:33:54,000 - Oh, my God, have you been burgled? - No, it's... 467 00:33:56,100 --> 00:33:56,960 Your laptop! 468 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:04,760 Well, I think this means I'm in. 469 00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:08,460 This is what they do to people they like? 470 00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:11,580 No, I'm just going to clear it up. 471 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:14,160 Oh, come on, it's just a bit of fun. 472 00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,780 - It's tradition. - These people are not your friends. 473 00:34:17,780 --> 00:34:19,780 - Oh, for fuck's sake, Lauren! - What? 474 00:34:21,940 --> 00:34:24,460 Well, maybe, you don't like it cos you don't get to do it. 475 00:34:28,180 --> 00:34:31,400 Fuck! Look, I'm sorry! Lauren! 476 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:37,180 Jesus. 477 00:34:37,180 --> 00:34:39,180 I just wish I knew whose jizz it was. 478 00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:43,220 Well, it's one for all and all for one. 479 00:34:43,220 --> 00:34:46,620 So, in a way, it's everyone's jizz. 480 00:34:46,620 --> 00:34:49,880 Great, so, you did Bukkake on my room. 481 00:34:58,240 --> 00:34:59,840 Proper Riot boy. 482 00:35:00,700 --> 00:35:02,000 Here. 483 00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:12,000 It's actually really hard to get off. Paper's porous. 484 00:35:12,020 --> 00:35:15,640 You know, in a few years' time, these boys will be behind some very big desks, 485 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:17,060 important desks. 486 00:35:17,060 --> 00:35:19,060 You as well. 487 00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:23,560 College is the last time we get to disport ourselves without anyone watching. 488 00:35:24,980 --> 00:35:28,060 Let's not waste it by being squeamish. 489 00:36:04,420 --> 00:36:07,200 Looks great. Looks classy. 490 00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:10,680 It's a ruby wedding party, Dad, I don't know if they want classy. 491 00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:12,680 No, this is the Young Entrepreneurs. 492 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:15,140 - Students? All this? - Hmm. 493 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:18,140 Wealthy kids, wealthy parents. 494 00:36:18,740 --> 00:36:20,360 This is a fine dining market. 495 00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:24,100 Yeah, we're a pub, not a Michelin Star. 496 00:36:24,100 --> 00:36:26,960 And do you know how many pubs are closing every week in this country? 497 00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:30,360 Helen, they need forks as well as spoons for dessert, 498 00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:32,360 they're not having Fruit Corners. 499 00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:35,660 Posh people say "pudding", Dad, not "dessert". 500 00:36:36,260 --> 00:36:39,000 No they don't, do they? 501 00:36:41,980 --> 00:36:44,940 - Where did you learn that? - University? 502 00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:47,820 Must have been. 503 00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,540 Don't drink until the president says you can. 504 00:36:51,540 --> 00:36:52,000 OK. 505 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:55,920 And absolutely no talk of religion or politics. 506 00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:59,400 - Is it always this far away? - Oh, we're banned from anywhere closer. 507 00:37:02,380 --> 00:37:05,780 And the menu is all, like, breast of chicken wrapped in boring, 508 00:37:05,780 --> 00:37:08,100 so I said to Leighton, "Mate, let me go off-piste, 509 00:37:08,100 --> 00:37:09,740 "organise something awesome." 510 00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:12,240 It's great President material. 511 00:37:12,240 --> 00:37:14,620 Fuck, is this restaurant in Wales? 512 00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:19,860 - Better start my campaign, then. - You? 513 00:37:20,500 --> 00:37:22,140 Election's next term, isn't it? 514 00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:26,280 What, you think I wouldn't be good? 515 00:37:26,780 --> 00:37:29,840 Just didn't think you'd be going for President. 516 00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:32,100 Is it cos I is Greek? 517 00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:37,980 Jesus, Bellingfield, it's because I'm Greek? 518 00:37:37,980 --> 00:37:40,940 No! No, mate, come on. 519 00:37:40,940 --> 00:37:43,320 - Mate, how long have we been friends? - Since the first day of school. 520 00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:45,320 And you think I couldn't be President because I'm Greek? 521 00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:59,240 Hi! George Balfour. How do you do... 522 00:37:59,240 --> 00:38:00,860 Is this the 60-80? 523 00:38:01,720 --> 00:38:05,480 Boom! Fucking Reservoir Dogs! 524 00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:08,860 - Evening, chaps. - Hello, mate. 525 00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:13,480 - What the fuck? - Mate? 526 00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:17,320 - My fucking tute partner. - Oh, classic. 527 00:38:18,100 --> 00:38:19,500 - So, Milo? - Hmm. 528 00:38:19,500 --> 00:38:22,560 Do you know, I don't think I know a single person called Lauren. 529 00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,040 Prolier than thou. 530 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,200 - Lauren what, Lauren who? - Lauren Small. 531 00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,200 - Oh, small, is she? - Not where it matters. 532 00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:31,080 Actually, she's, she's nice. 533 00:38:32,240 --> 00:38:34,280 Fuck, I thought you were just being a sex tourist. 534 00:38:34,300 --> 00:38:36,160 Well, what's the point of college if you can't experiment? 535 00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:38,160 What, you mean "girls for now, girls for later"? 536 00:38:40,180 --> 00:38:43,060 Yeah, you'll learn, mate. Girls are for gays. 537 00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,120 - Oh, look, it's bloody Leighton! - Yes, sorry, sorry. 538 00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:49,560 Did you get held up at the nail bar? 539 00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:51,740 Start the party. I am thirsty. 540 00:38:51,740 --> 00:38:53,740 - Showtime, Balf! - Oh! Oh. 541 00:38:53,740 --> 00:38:55,160 Oh, uh, duty calls. 542 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:56,600 Bloody nice to meet you. 543 00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:59,360 - Oh, and, uh, good luck with the llamas. - Oh, thank you. 544 00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:01,360 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 545 00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:04,460 Ready? 546 00:39:09,580 --> 00:39:11,920 All right, nice and still, please, gents. 547 00:39:38,700 --> 00:39:39,260 Ah! 548 00:39:39,940 --> 00:39:41,760 Evening, gentlemen. Please do come through. 549 00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:43,020 Thanks very much. 550 00:39:43,540 --> 00:39:47,160 Thought you'd be in business suits, more of a pinstripe thing. 551 00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:49,160 - I'm sorry? - Young Entrepreneurs Club. 552 00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:53,800 - I'm sorry? - Young Entrepreneurs Club. 553 00:39:54,700 --> 00:39:57,940 Oh, yes, um, it's, uh, it's a retro night! 554 00:40:09,460 --> 00:40:12,360 OK, we've got three soups... 555 00:40:13,700 --> 00:40:17,860 OK, three soup, one prawn, two parfait, two no starter, then two salmon, 556 00:40:17,860 --> 00:40:20,960 - one haddock, five chickens. - Five fucking chicken! Why do we bother? 557 00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:22,960 You're going to get the lads' starters out first, yeah? 558 00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,980 No, we've taken the ruby wedding's order, we should do them before the penguins. 559 00:40:26,720 --> 00:40:29,960 Private diners need to feel as if they're being given VIP treatment. 560 00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:32,920 Right, then! Well, good evening, gentlemen, 561 00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,740 and welcome to the Bull's Head this evening. 562 00:40:36,240 --> 00:40:39,500 Please feel free to sit down and make yourselves at home. 563 00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:42,600 Can't sit before the president. 564 00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:52,260 Yeah, sit down, sit down. 565 00:40:56,140 --> 00:40:58,860 Well, just a bit of housekeeping before we serve your dinner, 566 00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:02,880 hoping there's no dietary requirements we haven't heard about. 567 00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:04,020 I don't eat shit food. 568 00:41:04,020 --> 00:41:05,440 I'm afraid you can't smoke in here, 569 00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:08,260 but if you wish to partake, please feel free to go outside. 570 00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:11,260 The fire extinguisher is just over there. 571 00:41:11,260 --> 00:41:13,260 Just hoping we won't be needing that, eh? 572 00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:17,340 And, um, lavatories are just through the door where we came in, 573 00:41:17,340 --> 00:41:21,220 so you don't have to go through the main bar to access the facilities. 574 00:41:21,220 --> 00:41:22,120 May I? 575 00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:26,100 - Wants to be a waitress. - Sommelier. 576 00:41:37,820 --> 00:41:40,220 Gentlemen, let's start this again, shall we? 577 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:42,960 Right. 578 00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,540 Now just a bit of housekeeping to go through... 579 00:41:48,540 --> 00:41:49,600 Boo! 580 00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:53,740 Yes, before we get onto the proper business of the evening, 581 00:41:54,540 --> 00:41:56,520 getting chateaued beyond belief! 582 00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:58,520 Huzzah! Hear! Hear! 583 00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:02,600 Chunder bag. 584 00:42:06,300 --> 00:42:07,580 It's our time, gentlemen. 585 00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:12,060 Let us eat till we explode, 586 00:42:12,060 --> 00:42:14,060 drink till our eyes fall out, 587 00:42:14,060 --> 00:42:16,320 let us dance footloose upon the Earth, 588 00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:19,020 and carpe some fucking diem 589 00:42:20,940 --> 00:42:23,160 We who are about to dine, salute you. 590 00:42:23,460 --> 00:42:25,680 cena tauri te salutis (Dinner Bulls, your health) 591 00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:27,000 Imbibe. 592 00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:41,540 ♪ God save our gracious queen 593 00:42:41,580 --> 00:42:45,680 ♪ Long live our noble queen 594 00:42:45,740 --> 00:42:48,900 ♪ God save the queen 595 00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:54,420 ♪ Send her victorious 596 00:42:54,420 --> 00:42:58,280 ♪ Happy and glorious 597 00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:02,440 ♪ Long to reign over us 598 00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:06,700 ♪ God save the queen ♪ 599 00:43:14,500 --> 00:43:15,820 Shall we make him a member. 600 00:43:18,180 --> 00:43:19,020 Milo, wine. 601 00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:35,920 Foie gras, mate. 602 00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:39,160 Sorry, do you want yours wrapped in a vine leaf? It'd be lovely. 603 00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,160 This man needs some taramasalata! 604 00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:44,020 I'm very sorry, they're just very excited to be here. 605 00:43:44,860 --> 00:43:47,840 Chanel, Coco Mademoiselle. 606 00:43:49,220 --> 00:43:51,200 Um, yeah. Well done. 607 00:43:52,820 --> 00:43:54,300 All right, we're going in! 608 00:43:57,440 --> 00:44:00,620 - See, they're nice, aren't they? - Yeah, right, they're nice. 609 00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:03,400 I can't see them on The Apprentice, though. 610 00:44:13,700 --> 00:44:16,500 - She did... - Villiers, you booked a prozzer? 611 00:44:16,500 --> 00:44:18,500 Stick her under the table, yeah? 612 00:44:18,500 --> 00:44:20,400 - Oh, yeah? - What? Oh... 613 00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:21,680 Villiers, how grubby! 614 00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:24,420 I asked her to bring a false moustache for when she does you. 615 00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:26,920 Are you trying to make President? 616 00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:29,140 - I'm just bringing sexy back. - if this gets out... 617 00:44:29,140 --> 00:44:31,140 - Worried about your CV, Leighton? - No... 618 00:44:31,140 --> 00:44:33,140 Carpe some diem, didn't you say? 619 00:44:33,140 --> 00:44:35,140 - "We are legends"! - Never mind. 620 00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:41,500 Mmm and by the way, scrunching Harry Villiers for sharking the waitress. 621 00:44:41,500 --> 00:44:43,100 Oh, yes! 622 00:44:43,100 --> 00:44:45,100 Oh, my God, that girl is tasty. 623 00:44:45,100 --> 00:44:46,400 - OK, OK. - Up you get, Villiers. 624 00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:49,720 Scrunch! Scrunch! Scrunch! Scrunch! 625 00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,620 - How would you like it cooked? - Medium rare. 626 00:44:58,560 --> 00:44:59,480 Medium rare! 627 00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:02,620 Is there anything you can do about the noise? 628 00:45:02,620 --> 00:45:03,700 I'm sorry. 629 00:45:03,700 --> 00:45:05,780 I think they're just enjoying themselves. 630 00:45:05,780 --> 00:45:07,420 You know, boys... 631 00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:12,960 Excuse me! 632 00:45:17,580 --> 00:45:18,080 Yes. 633 00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:22,180 - Any sign of that parfait? - It's just coming. 634 00:45:22,180 --> 00:45:24,860 It's just if Mum doesn't eat something soon, she'll be singing as well. 635 00:45:26,340 --> 00:45:28,580 All right, chaps, Banbury Toasts while we're still upright. 636 00:45:28,580 --> 00:45:30,580 - It's fucking cool, man! - What? What is this? 637 00:45:30,580 --> 00:45:32,980 - Just a game, come on. - Excuse me, I'm in charge. 638 00:45:32,980 --> 00:45:33,880 fucking brilliant 639 00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:35,200 OK... 640 00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:37,760 Quiet now, OK, OK... 641 00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:39,680 Quiet please, quiet... 642 00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:41,680 Quiet! 643 00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:44,420 OK, grasshoppers, here are the rules. 644 00:45:44,420 --> 00:45:48,620 If the word means new person or some sort of beginner, 645 00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,440 you take a shot. Best of five. 646 00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:01,480 Abecedarian! 647 00:46:05,380 --> 00:46:07,960 - Advantage Ryle's. - Advantage Ryle's. Very good. 648 00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:09,580 - No, it's fine. - Good work. 649 00:46:09,580 --> 00:46:11,720 - You'll get into the swing of it. - You've done it. 650 00:46:12,500 --> 00:46:14,360 Don't. Get away from me. 651 00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:20,420 Whoo! Novitiate. 652 00:46:21,060 --> 00:46:24,820 Come on! Come on! Richards! 653 00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:28,700 - Milo! Milo. - He's back in this. 654 00:46:38,620 --> 00:46:39,760 Neologism! 655 00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:44,480 What? He said "gism". 656 00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:46,480 OK, OK, OK! 657 00:46:51,820 --> 00:46:52,900 Whippersnapper! 658 00:46:52,900 --> 00:46:54,900 Go! Go! Go! Go! 659 00:46:55,300 --> 00:46:57,380 Draw! That's neck and neck, it's a draw. 660 00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:00,320 - This is fantastic! - Next round. 661 00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:02,320 OK, OK, OK, come on. 662 00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:04,320 Didn't I say? Come on, fight it, fight it. 663 00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:06,320 This is it, this is the last one 664 00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:18,460 Catechumen! 665 00:47:19,820 --> 00:47:22,480 Go! Go! Go! Go! 666 00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:24,480 That's Richards! We have a winner! 667 00:47:26,660 --> 00:47:29,100 Come on, mate, come on. 668 00:47:29,900 --> 00:47:33,140 Did you see? That was brilliant! 669 00:47:33,140 --> 00:47:35,140 Really brilliant, honestly. 670 00:47:37,180 --> 00:47:41,120 - Tubes shots, mate, shots! - Here we go, I'm doing it 671 00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:59,520 Raise your glasses to Lord Riot and the dead members. 672 00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:01,340 Dead members! 673 00:48:03,260 --> 00:48:04,940 You've got a dead member, haven't you, Bell-end? 674 00:48:04,940 --> 00:48:07,280 Only cos your mum's been sitting on it 24/7. 675 00:48:09,740 --> 00:48:12,620 Once more unto the drink, dear friends. 676 00:48:12,620 --> 00:48:17,040 Once more! And give a roar for all our English drunk. 677 00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:23,760 On, on you noblest Riot, 678 00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:27,040 whose blood is fed from vodka 80 proof! 679 00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:30,320 Be envy now to clubs of weaker blood. 680 00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:32,700 And teach them how to drink. 681 00:48:35,340 --> 00:48:37,080 The game's afoot! 682 00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:39,320 Pour out your spirits, 683 00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:41,320 and with glasses charged, 684 00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:44,500 Cry, "God for Harry, 685 00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:47,560 "Dimitri and Alistair, 686 00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:52,140 "James, Toby, Edward, Milo, 687 00:48:52,180 --> 00:48:55,780 "Hugo, Guy and George!" 688 00:48:58,580 --> 00:49:00,860 Plates, please, quick, quick, quick! 689 00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:06,140 Size of that. Let's get a photo, yeah? 690 00:49:12,340 --> 00:49:14,800 Oh, my Christ! That's a very big chicken. 691 00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:18,120 That, gentlemen, is a 10 bird roast. 692 00:49:18,120 --> 00:49:19,040 - Well, it's not actually... - Good man. 693 00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:20,700 What is a 10 bird roast? 694 00:49:20,700 --> 00:49:22,220 - Porn? - Exactly what it says, 695 00:49:22,220 --> 00:49:26,260 a bird inside a bird inside a bird inside a bird etcetera... 696 00:49:26,260 --> 00:49:29,060 - We did have a tiny problem with... - Bellingfield, it's amazing! 697 00:49:29,060 --> 00:49:31,520 - It's amazing! - Bravo, mate. Good work. 698 00:49:31,520 --> 00:49:33,760 - What's pudding going to be? - A 10 trifle, trifle? 699 00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:35,760 Ten cake, cake. 700 00:49:36,940 --> 00:49:38,840 Great! Who wants to do the honours? 701 00:49:39,020 --> 00:49:40,900 How about I do it with this. 702 00:49:40,900 --> 00:49:42,900 - Oh, Milo! - Milo! 703 00:49:51,340 --> 00:49:53,780 Oh, I love a roast potato! I love them! 704 00:49:56,260 --> 00:49:57,740 Absolutely disgraceful. 705 00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:05,500 Bell End, why 10 birds specifically? 706 00:50:05,500 --> 00:50:08,240 Because there's 10 of us. 707 00:50:09,380 --> 00:50:13,660 Ten birds bound in the heat of the fire into one entity, 708 00:50:13,660 --> 00:50:15,860 i.e., the club. 709 00:50:15,860 --> 00:50:18,020 - What birds is it? - Must be something tiny in the middle. 710 00:50:18,020 --> 00:50:20,220 - A tiny shrew? - Birds, you wad. 711 00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:24,140 - Duckling? - No, that's not a bird. 712 00:50:24,140 --> 00:50:26,140 I think it's a budgerigar. 713 00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:29,000 - Poussin? Woodcock. - Oh, no, woodcock are tiny. 714 00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:30,060 They'd be a bugger to shoot. 715 00:50:30,060 --> 00:50:32,180 So that woodcock's been inside more birds than Villiers. 716 00:50:32,180 --> 00:50:35,320 Nine? Nine squared, mate. 717 00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:46,200 - Seriously, what birds is it? - Dims, OK. 718 00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:48,200 Uh, woodcock. 719 00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:51,260 Uh, duck, chicken, goose. 720 00:50:51,260 --> 00:50:54,720 Guinea fowl, quail, partridge, turkey, pigeon, pheasant. 721 00:50:54,720 --> 00:50:56,160 Ten birds. 722 00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:58,480 There's no guinea fowl in here. 723 00:50:59,040 --> 00:51:00,240 What? 724 00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:03,680 Dad, they won't notice, will they? 725 00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:05,340 Just couldn't get hold of a guinea fowl this week. 726 00:51:05,340 --> 00:51:07,700 I mean, maybe we should change suppliers. 727 00:51:07,700 --> 00:51:09,700 - Table eight away. - The amount they've drunk, 728 00:51:09,700 --> 00:51:11,700 we could have given them chicken nuggets. 729 00:51:12,900 --> 00:51:14,660 I did try to tell them. 730 00:51:15,300 --> 00:51:16,780 Unless... 731 00:51:16,780 --> 00:51:21,720 there was, like, a blue tit smashed up in the stuffing. 732 00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:26,980 - Nine fucking birds! - Tubes, mate, I hate broccoli. 733 00:51:27,340 --> 00:51:30,580 - Did he tell you? - No, he fucking didn't! 734 00:51:30,580 --> 00:51:33,340 - Come on, guys, it's still pretty cool. - It's delicious! 735 00:51:33,340 --> 00:51:35,340 Are we going to complain? 736 00:51:54,240 --> 00:51:58,140 It's just that when we arrange something, we expect to get it. 737 00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:03,760 OK, is anyone still hungry? 738 00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:06,900 - Cos I could make you an omelette. - No, no, sorry. 739 00:52:06,900 --> 00:52:07,800 Rachel, I don't think you understand, 740 00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:10,060 these chaps have eaten in some of the finest restaurants in the country. 741 00:52:10,060 --> 00:52:12,980 - The world, mate. - What are you doing in Kidsbury, then? 742 00:52:14,720 --> 00:52:15,780 I'm sorry, what? 743 00:52:15,780 --> 00:52:17,780 You might want to keep the noise down a bit. 744 00:52:22,900 --> 00:52:25,140 Well, that could have gone better. 745 00:52:28,380 --> 00:52:31,220 - Oh, well, there goes the neighbourhood... - What? 746 00:52:32,300 --> 00:52:34,680 She went to school with my sister and now she's a... 747 00:52:35,440 --> 00:52:37,440 ...sex worker. 748 00:52:45,020 --> 00:52:48,440 Thank you, but we'd prefer it if you took your business elsewhere. 749 00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:52,620 - Leighton got totally fucking rinsed. - No, I didn't. 750 00:52:52,620 --> 00:52:54,240 It's really not that important, is it? 751 00:52:54,240 --> 00:52:56,240 It's important we get what we want. 752 00:52:56,240 --> 00:52:58,240 Yes, thank you, Ryle. 753 00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:15,280 Gentlemen, it's cock o'clock. 754 00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:18,500 Yes! Yes, brilliant. 755 00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:22,120 Harry, tell her, I've got my cock out ready for her. 756 00:53:24,720 --> 00:53:27,040 Oh, no, no. There's a fire exit. 757 00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:29,040 Go round the back. Yeah, yeah. 758 00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:45,940 Please, come through. 759 00:53:45,940 --> 00:53:47,940 - After you. - Thank you, Harry. 760 00:53:50,040 --> 00:53:51,520 Well, this is Charlie. 761 00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:52,780 She's a... 762 00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:55,760 What do you say? A call girl? 763 00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:58,760 - Oh, an escort actually these days. - Escort. 764 00:54:00,660 --> 00:54:02,460 Oh, thank you. 765 00:54:04,700 --> 00:54:07,800 Um, you've got a room, have you? 766 00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:14,380 Um, where are the others going to go? 767 00:54:14,380 --> 00:54:16,380 Oh, no, no, they'll be here. Around the table. 768 00:54:17,240 --> 00:54:19,600 - Right? - And you, well, 769 00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:22,720 you, under the table. 770 00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:24,920 What am I doing under the table? 771 00:54:25,700 --> 00:54:28,240 Um, us. One at a time. 772 00:54:28,240 --> 00:54:30,240 - Maybe three at a time. - Mate. 773 00:54:30,240 --> 00:54:32,520 Well, she's got two hands, hasn't she? So... 774 00:54:34,660 --> 00:54:37,280 You're talking about oral? 775 00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:39,660 On all of you? 776 00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:42,100 We'd give you a cushion for your knees. 777 00:54:42,100 --> 00:54:44,100 Yeah, um... 778 00:54:44,840 --> 00:54:46,800 I think there's been... 779 00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:48,400 - Chris? - Dad? 780 00:54:48,400 --> 00:54:50,100 Hang on Rach. Chris? 781 00:54:50,100 --> 00:54:52,340 Rachel needs you out front, table 12 is kicking off. 782 00:54:52,340 --> 00:54:53,560 Yeah. 783 00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:57,820 I do a more classy sort of service, you know... 784 00:54:57,820 --> 00:55:03,620 like a date, only I don't call in the morning. Dinner, conversation... 785 00:55:03,620 --> 00:55:07,440 Yeah, we wanted to pick your brains about fiscal policy. 786 00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:11,860 Um, did the agency not say that extras had to be agreed in advance? 787 00:55:12,020 --> 00:55:14,680 I thought he was asking if I wanted more than one girl. - Fuck's sake 788 00:55:14,680 --> 00:55:16,340 They throw these fucking euphemisms at you. 789 00:55:16,340 --> 00:55:17,440 Villiers... 790 00:55:20,360 --> 00:55:22,840 Listen, Charlie, 791 00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:25,140 I'm sure we can work something out, can't we? 792 00:55:25,140 --> 00:55:27,860 A considerably bigger fee, which the agency needn't know about? 793 00:55:27,860 --> 00:55:29,440 Oh, I don't do anything off the books. 794 00:55:29,440 --> 00:55:32,580 Sorry, I'm trying to be a gentleman here, but I'm actually really fucked off. 795 00:55:32,580 --> 00:55:35,740 OK, isn't she just the wrong kind of... A different kind of... 796 00:55:35,740 --> 00:55:37,140 Don't, Richards! 797 00:55:37,140 --> 00:55:39,140 You might be happy being pussy-whipped, but I'm not. 798 00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:41,480 OK, mate. 799 00:55:43,720 --> 00:55:45,700 Look, I promised these boys they'll get a blow job tonight, 800 00:55:45,700 --> 00:55:48,160 and if you don't do it, then I look like a cunt. 801 00:55:51,340 --> 00:55:52,760 I'm really sorry, 802 00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:56,100 but I don't do more than two visits in a row without a break, so... 803 00:55:56,100 --> 00:55:58,440 What break do you need if you're just lying there? 804 00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:01,220 I'm not just a live version of the sock you wank into. 805 00:56:01,220 --> 00:56:03,220 I'm not sure you quite appreciate who you're talking to. 806 00:56:03,220 --> 00:56:05,620 Do it yourself, you'll be under the table, a mouth's a mouth. 807 00:56:06,380 --> 00:56:07,960 Why can't you just fucking do it? 808 00:56:09,520 --> 00:56:11,200 Why can't you just buckle down and... 809 00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:13,200 Oh, for fuck's sake, you're a whore. 810 00:56:20,640 --> 00:56:22,760 Right, I think I'm going now, aren't I? 811 00:56:27,460 --> 00:56:28,420 Toodle pip! 812 00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:37,860 Fuck! 813 00:56:37,860 --> 00:56:40,840 I do understand, sir, but we've been short-staffed this evening 814 00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:43,060 and your order got caught in a bottleneck. 815 00:56:43,060 --> 00:56:44,300 What about the noise? 816 00:56:46,180 --> 00:56:48,900 - We could try and find you another table. - We're leaving. 817 00:56:50,780 --> 00:56:53,200 I don't suppose you want to settle up for your drinks and starters? 818 00:56:54,780 --> 00:56:57,480 I am trying to run a family restaurant here. 819 00:56:57,480 --> 00:56:58,860 Gastro pub. 820 00:56:58,860 --> 00:57:01,560 You might like that sort of thing, 821 00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:04,500 I find it extremely offensive. 822 00:57:04,500 --> 00:57:06,500 Notwithstanding, it's against the law... 823 00:57:06,500 --> 00:57:08,260 Let's not get into the legality of this. 824 00:57:08,260 --> 00:57:10,680 I've just had a table of four leave before their mains, 825 00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:12,900 refusing to pay the bill because of the noise. 826 00:57:12,900 --> 00:57:16,480 - Yeah, I'm sorry, look, I'm... - We're very, very sorry. 827 00:57:16,480 --> 00:57:18,480 I think it's time for you to leave, please. 828 00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:20,380 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 829 00:57:20,380 --> 00:57:21,660 We're ever so sorry. 830 00:57:21,660 --> 00:57:25,320 Most of us went to boarding school, we don't really know any women. 831 00:57:26,460 --> 00:57:27,600 I'd like you to leave. 832 00:57:29,320 --> 00:57:31,080 How much was the bill? 833 00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:35,160 For the table who left? 834 00:57:37,420 --> 00:57:41,360 Um, maybe, £100 by the end of the night. 835 00:57:41,360 --> 00:57:43,980 - And we're spending what tonight? - Ryle, just... 836 00:57:45,220 --> 00:57:46,540 We're spending what tonight? 837 00:57:48,380 --> 00:57:51,100 About three and a half grand, I think. 838 00:57:52,660 --> 00:57:54,420 It's not just about the money, 839 00:57:55,260 --> 00:57:56,740 it's about goodwill, 840 00:57:57,220 --> 00:58:00,100 - these people are my customers. - OK 841 00:58:01,120 --> 00:58:02,760 Gesture of goodwill. 842 00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:05,640 We'll, um, we'll call it 150, all right? 843 00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:08,700 Let's say they were going to order another bottle. 844 00:58:09,980 --> 00:58:12,500 - We wouldn't want you to be out of pocket. - exactly 845 00:58:21,500 --> 00:58:23,940 This is what they teach you at boarding school, is it? 846 00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:32,800 Actually, yeah, it is. 847 00:58:52,620 --> 00:58:53,660 Here we go. 848 00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:25,240 I thought you were going to chuck them out. 849 00:59:26,420 --> 00:59:28,060 We came to an arrangement. 850 00:59:31,360 --> 00:59:33,340 Did you let them pay you off? 851 00:59:33,980 --> 00:59:37,240 All right, so, I let them reimburse me for a table that we lost. 852 00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:40,600 What? Would you rather that I just didn't take money off people? 853 00:59:41,100 --> 00:59:43,160 I'm still paying off your student loan, you know. 854 00:59:43,160 --> 00:59:45,220 - Dad... - Look, Rachel, if you've got comments, 855 00:59:45,220 --> 00:59:47,840 just save it for after service, all right? 856 00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:53,520 Michael, I'll be behind the bar if you need me. 857 00:59:55,040 --> 00:59:57,780 "Is that what they teach you at boarding school?" 858 00:59:58,540 --> 01:00:00,100 I know. Knob-jockey. 859 01:00:00,100 --> 01:00:02,100 Come on. You offered him a deal, he took it, what's the... 860 01:00:02,100 --> 01:00:04,100 Yeah, but he keeps the moral high ground. 861 01:00:04,100 --> 01:00:06,940 What about, don't take the money if you feel that fucking strongly? 862 01:00:07,920 --> 01:00:10,380 Or what about, take the money, but shut the fuck up? 863 01:00:10,380 --> 01:00:12,380 Ryle, you're a fucking legend. 864 01:00:12,380 --> 01:00:14,380 And her, right, Charlie, 865 01:00:14,960 --> 01:00:17,280 you're a prostitute, love, get on your knees. 866 01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:18,460 Fuck ya! 867 01:00:18,460 --> 01:00:23,440 I mean, are we just going to sit here and take it, carry on taking it? 868 01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:27,000 - We're all going to come out of college... - Which we worked fucking hard for. 869 01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:31,100 ...and there's going to be no country left for us because of people like him. 870 01:00:31,100 --> 01:00:34,060 Oh, come on, that's a bit of a hard line position, isn't it? 871 01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:36,200 We never use those. 872 01:00:39,160 --> 01:00:40,640 Buon appetito! 873 01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:43,680 OK, join it up, shall we? 874 01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:48,920 So, OK, they want all the stuff, nice car, massive telly, 875 01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:52,600 so they borrow more than they can ever afford to pay back. 876 01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:54,420 - Yeah. - Then, when the great New Labour 877 01:00:54,420 --> 01:00:58,700 shop in the sky goes up in flames, they vote us back in to sort it out. 878 01:00:58,700 --> 01:01:02,500 Sounding a lot like a conversation about politics here, can I just say? 879 01:01:02,500 --> 01:01:05,320 State of the world, mate. Everything's political. 880 01:01:05,320 --> 01:01:07,500 - I'm here for the wine and the jokes. - Hear, hear. 881 01:01:07,520 --> 01:01:09,900 Cos you've got no heritage, that's why. 882 01:01:09,900 --> 01:01:12,780 - I've got a boatload of heritage. - No, mate, you've got a boat. 883 01:01:15,480 --> 01:01:16,600 Fuck you, Bellingfield. 884 01:01:16,600 --> 01:01:18,600 You know, they're obsessed... 885 01:01:18,940 --> 01:01:22,300 - They're obsessed with upward mobility. - Absolutely. 886 01:01:22,300 --> 01:01:25,560 Don't understand why it doesn't all just get handed to them. 887 01:01:25,560 --> 01:01:27,560 - Mate. - No, fuck you. 888 01:01:27,560 --> 01:01:30,300 - Does anyone not want their pudding? - Is that why they're all so bitter? 889 01:01:30,880 --> 01:01:34,260 I can't help who my father is, but every fucking internship interview it comes up, 890 01:01:35,520 --> 01:01:39,340 as if I haven't worked, as if I don't work my fucking arse off! 891 01:01:39,340 --> 01:01:41,980 - It's just them and us all over again. - Yes! 892 01:01:41,980 --> 01:01:44,900 No, it's not. It's not at all. It's not them and us. 893 01:01:44,900 --> 01:01:47,520 In our village pub, we drink with everyone. 894 01:01:47,520 --> 01:01:49,840 People who work in the estate, farmers. 895 01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:51,840 - Who buys the drinks? - Sorry? 896 01:01:51,840 --> 01:01:53,840 Who pays for the drinks? 897 01:01:53,840 --> 01:01:55,840 Well, I do. 898 01:01:57,160 --> 01:02:00,460 You think they don't laugh at you when you're not there? 899 01:02:03,660 --> 01:02:05,520 George, they hate you. 900 01:02:06,800 --> 01:02:10,160 Fuck! Oh, that's nice. 901 01:02:10,160 --> 01:02:12,160 All I need now is a blo-jo. 902 01:02:12,160 --> 01:02:14,160 Maybe we should just try and 903 01:02:14,740 --> 01:02:17,760 find a way to, uh, co-exist. 904 01:02:18,700 --> 01:02:23,860 Mate, just cos you're doing field research doesn't mean the rest of us want to. 905 01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:27,360 We apologise. 906 01:02:28,300 --> 01:02:31,080 We apologise for being who we are. 907 01:02:31,080 --> 01:02:34,480 We pretend we're the same, we do it to ourselves, yeah? 908 01:02:34,480 --> 01:02:36,480 We need to stop apologising. 909 01:02:37,560 --> 01:02:39,780 Cos it's only going to get worse. 910 01:02:40,560 --> 01:02:42,540 Shit! Um, lose it, lose the coke. 911 01:02:43,720 --> 01:02:45,060 Um, yep. 912 01:02:47,660 --> 01:02:49,680 - Hi. - Fuck! 913 01:02:53,020 --> 01:02:55,060 What are you, uh, sorry, hi... 914 01:02:55,060 --> 01:02:57,060 Um, what are you... What are you doing here? 915 01:02:58,980 --> 01:03:01,100 You texted me. You asked me to come. 916 01:03:01,100 --> 01:03:04,460 - No, I didn't. - Yeah, you texted me. 917 01:03:04,460 --> 01:03:06,200 Sorry, who are you? 918 01:03:06,200 --> 01:03:07,920 Oh, it's Miles' girlfriend. 919 01:03:07,920 --> 01:03:09,920 - Lauren Small! - I didn't text you. 920 01:03:10,940 --> 01:03:12,960 No, I didn't fucking text her! I didn't text you. 921 01:03:12,960 --> 01:03:16,240 Presumably, we could sort this out quite easily by seeing the text? 922 01:03:16,240 --> 01:03:18,240 Oh, yeah, absolutely. Very good point. 923 01:03:18,240 --> 01:03:20,240 Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! 924 01:03:20,640 --> 01:03:23,120 - Jesus, just look at mine. - Thank you. 925 01:03:24,940 --> 01:03:26,360 Lauren... 926 01:03:29,640 --> 01:03:31,900 "I need you to rescue me. 927 01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:36,540 "Can you put on a dress and come to the Bull's Head, Kidsbury? 928 01:03:36,540 --> 01:03:38,880 "Kiss, kiss, kiss, Miles." 929 01:03:38,880 --> 01:03:42,900 Honestly, some fuckwit has nicked my phone and texted you. 930 01:03:42,900 --> 01:03:45,900 You said you needed me and I came. 931 01:03:46,940 --> 01:03:49,040 I think that makes me a nice person. 932 01:03:49,040 --> 01:03:50,860 It does, it does, you know. 933 01:03:50,860 --> 01:03:53,980 Excuse me, sorry, excuse me. 934 01:03:55,280 --> 01:03:59,040 Uh, I'm sorry, Lauren. But this is a mistake. So... 935 01:03:59,040 --> 01:04:00,340 I'm gonna put you in a taxi and... 936 01:04:00,340 --> 01:04:02,920 No, no, no, she's only just arrived. Where are your manners, Milo? 937 01:04:02,920 --> 01:04:06,020 - Harry... - Seriously, calm down, sit down. 938 01:04:06,020 --> 01:04:08,720 Lauren, please, have a drink. 939 01:04:10,040 --> 01:04:10,800 Here. 940 01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:18,420 Oh, this is nice. 941 01:04:18,700 --> 01:04:20,900 So, now, Lauren, 942 01:04:21,940 --> 01:04:24,820 my friend here has a question for you. 943 01:04:27,840 --> 01:04:28,880 Hi. 944 01:04:30,780 --> 01:04:31,900 Hello! 945 01:04:34,760 --> 01:04:37,800 How would you like to make £300 tonight? 946 01:04:45,460 --> 01:04:46,260 What? 947 01:04:46,260 --> 01:04:49,740 Oh, my God, is he going to ask her? Legend. 948 01:04:49,740 --> 01:04:51,740 You see... 949 01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:54,860 We had this... 950 01:04:55,420 --> 01:04:59,620 We had this lady friend, um, boo, 951 01:04:59,620 --> 01:05:01,620 the landlord sent her away. 952 01:05:01,620 --> 01:05:04,260 - Guys, please, don't... - What sort of lady friend? 953 01:05:04,260 --> 01:05:06,880 - Service industry. - Just a few blow jobs. 954 01:05:07,220 --> 01:05:09,020 OK, it's my girlfriend, can you just stop? 955 01:05:09,020 --> 01:05:11,020 OK, sorry, sorry. 956 01:05:11,980 --> 01:05:15,540 I didn't realise you were, you know, exclusive. 957 01:05:16,540 --> 01:05:18,480 What was it you said earlier? 958 01:05:20,020 --> 01:05:23,080 "Girls for now, girls for later." 959 01:05:25,640 --> 01:05:27,340 - I didn't say that. - Yes, you did. 960 01:05:27,340 --> 01:05:29,840 I didn't say that! I didn't say it! 961 01:05:32,900 --> 01:05:34,260 Chaps, chaps. 962 01:05:35,400 --> 01:05:38,020 I think that's a bit insulting to Lauren, actually. 963 01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:43,660 Three hundred quid? 964 01:05:44,480 --> 01:05:48,040 No, no, surely it should be something that actually makes a difference? 965 01:05:48,420 --> 01:05:51,360 - Like, um... - Dimitri, please. 966 01:05:52,160 --> 01:05:53,360 Twenty-seven grand? 967 01:05:56,100 --> 01:05:56,980 What? 968 01:05:57,840 --> 01:05:59,380 It's three years' tuition fees. 969 01:06:01,140 --> 01:06:02,860 Just for a few blow jobs. 970 01:06:03,360 --> 01:06:04,560 Spicy. 971 01:06:08,160 --> 01:06:09,280 I'm serious. 972 01:06:09,800 --> 01:06:12,780 Give me your account number, I will do a transfer right now. 973 01:06:15,560 --> 01:06:16,280 Miles? 974 01:06:18,720 --> 01:06:20,140 - I, um... - Yeah? 975 01:06:34,080 --> 01:06:35,380 It's up to you. 976 01:06:36,460 --> 01:06:37,720 Sorry? 977 01:06:38,400 --> 01:06:41,640 No, no, no, you're right... 978 01:06:41,640 --> 01:06:42,700 It's up to me? 979 01:06:42,700 --> 01:06:45,600 No, no, no, I'm sorry, I just thought for a second, 980 01:06:45,600 --> 01:06:48,300 for a moment that, I just thought it's a fuckload of money. 981 01:06:48,300 --> 01:06:50,300 What, and I'm the sort of scrubber who'd take it? 982 01:06:50,300 --> 01:06:53,340 No, no, I didn't think it was my decision to make. 983 01:06:54,100 --> 01:06:56,840 Um, can I get you a taxi? 984 01:07:00,120 --> 01:07:02,200 - Can you let me out, please? - What is it, Lauren? 985 01:07:02,500 --> 01:07:04,000 You're too good for us? 986 01:07:04,000 --> 01:07:05,860 We've got the finest sperm in the country in this room, 987 01:07:05,860 --> 01:07:07,860 you should be paying us to let you drink it. 988 01:07:07,860 --> 01:07:09,860 What are you saying? What are you doing? 989 01:07:09,860 --> 01:07:11,860 Whoa, whoa, jokes. Lauren... 990 01:07:12,580 --> 01:07:13,780 Jokes. 991 01:07:15,220 --> 01:07:17,760 Do you not do humour at state school? 992 01:07:18,160 --> 01:07:19,360 What? 993 01:07:19,780 --> 01:07:22,520 You think we'd touch you with a bargepole? 994 01:07:23,100 --> 01:07:25,020 Wouldn't fuck her with a bargepole. 995 01:07:25,020 --> 01:07:27,020 That is fucking offensive. 996 01:07:28,500 --> 01:07:30,020 Let her out, guys. 997 01:07:30,080 --> 01:07:31,460 Let her out. 998 01:07:32,640 --> 01:07:34,660 Oh, no, sorry, it's, uh, it's pull. 999 01:07:36,020 --> 01:07:37,060 Stop it. 1000 01:07:37,060 --> 01:07:39,480 For fuck's sake, stop it. 1001 01:07:43,240 --> 01:07:44,500 Anyone else? 1002 01:07:49,360 --> 01:07:50,480 Lauren! 1003 01:07:51,140 --> 01:07:52,080 Lauren. 1004 01:08:08,500 --> 01:08:10,380 You're wasted, you're wasted. 1005 01:08:47,160 --> 01:08:48,020 Rach... 1006 01:08:49,280 --> 01:08:50,880 Rachel. 1007 01:08:51,420 --> 01:08:53,500 We'll talk about it in the morning, Dad. 1008 01:09:04,780 --> 01:09:06,660 Go help yourself to a pint if you want. 1009 01:09:06,660 --> 01:09:09,360 Best get back, thanks, the little one's teething. 1010 01:09:10,060 --> 01:09:11,620 Unless you need help handling those lads. 1011 01:09:11,620 --> 01:09:14,880 What? No. I'll be fine. 1012 01:09:15,160 --> 01:09:16,580 Go on, get home. 1013 01:09:17,500 --> 01:09:18,320 See ya. 1014 01:09:21,100 --> 01:09:22,640 Go on, Paul, I'll empty that. 1015 01:09:24,120 --> 01:09:26,320 - See you on Monday. - See ya. 1016 01:09:32,460 --> 01:09:38,100 While you're under my roof, you'll respect my rules. 1017 01:09:39,600 --> 01:09:41,740 Well, I've got a new rule for you, mate, 1018 01:09:41,740 --> 01:09:44,440 it's called "Fuck you, we're the Riot Club". 1019 01:09:45,360 --> 01:09:49,920 This bourgeois outrage when we do anything, say anything. 1020 01:09:49,920 --> 01:09:52,360 Anything we ever build or achieve, 1021 01:09:52,360 --> 01:09:56,240 anything with the slightest whiff of magnificence, 1022 01:09:56,240 --> 01:09:58,900 how did they get everywhere, 1023 01:09:58,900 --> 01:10:02,740 how did they make everything so fucking second-rate? 1024 01:10:04,040 --> 01:10:07,440 Thinking they're better because there's more of them. 1025 01:10:07,440 --> 01:10:09,440 That's not sweat on their palms, 1026 01:10:09,800 --> 01:10:12,540 it's envy, it's resentment. 1027 01:10:13,100 --> 01:10:15,880 And it stinks like a fucking drain. 1028 01:10:15,880 --> 01:10:16,480 - Hear, hear. - That's right. 1029 01:10:16,480 --> 01:10:20,880 I am sick to fucking death of poor people. 1030 01:10:20,880 --> 01:10:22,880 Yeah, fucking yes. 1031 01:10:30,620 --> 01:10:31,980 Lauren? It's me. 1032 01:10:33,360 --> 01:10:34,680 Please call me back. 1033 01:10:37,240 --> 01:10:38,260 I'm really... 1034 01:10:42,660 --> 01:10:44,100 I thought you'd gone. 1035 01:10:44,900 --> 01:10:48,480 Was it you that texted her? 1036 01:10:50,300 --> 01:10:51,460 Of course not. 1037 01:10:54,820 --> 01:10:58,820 Listen, whatever thing it is you have for me, you need to fucking... 1038 01:10:58,820 --> 01:11:01,720 - I'm straight, yeah? - Yeah, I got that. 1039 01:11:01,720 --> 01:11:03,720 I'm not your fucking rent boy. 1040 01:11:07,300 --> 01:11:09,240 No one forced you into this. 1041 01:11:10,420 --> 01:11:12,100 You wanted to come. 1042 01:11:20,740 --> 01:11:22,280 Come on, boys, back to the trenches. 1043 01:11:22,280 --> 01:11:24,100 Come on, Milo, Milo. 1044 01:13:44,860 --> 01:13:49,320 I can't hear enough smashing. More smash, more trashing. 1045 01:14:06,360 --> 01:14:07,600 Oh, Jesus. 1046 01:14:11,700 --> 01:14:12,940 Jesus Christ. 1047 01:14:15,640 --> 01:14:17,120 What have you done? 1048 01:14:22,920 --> 01:14:24,560 You've broken my bulls. 1049 01:14:29,620 --> 01:14:32,200 - What the hell are you doing? - No, no, no, look don't worry. 1050 01:14:32,700 --> 01:14:35,880 - Don't worry? - We're going to pay you, we always pay. 1051 01:14:35,880 --> 01:14:38,480 What gave you the right... 1052 01:14:38,480 --> 01:14:40,040 Oh, sit down. 1053 01:14:44,120 --> 01:14:45,560 Take the knife off him. 1054 01:14:47,260 --> 01:14:50,800 Chaps, let's all be gentlemen, shall we? 1055 01:14:50,800 --> 01:14:52,800 Shut up and listen. 1056 01:14:53,760 --> 01:14:58,380 Now, this, this is how it works. You go back out there quietly, 1057 01:14:58,380 --> 01:15:01,340 we do this and we pay you very generously. 1058 01:15:05,160 --> 01:15:07,120 People let you do this? 1059 01:15:07,800 --> 01:15:10,380 Most people are smart enough to take the treats and shut up. 1060 01:15:10,380 --> 01:15:12,740 I don't want your money. 1061 01:15:18,780 --> 01:15:22,000 Then what are you trying to do with this tawdry little cum-shack? 1062 01:15:24,340 --> 01:15:26,060 People like you 1063 01:15:27,000 --> 01:15:29,880 think you can buy your way out of everything, don't you? 1064 01:15:30,340 --> 01:15:34,300 - You think the world just revolves... - Oh, I know, I know. 1065 01:15:36,540 --> 01:15:41,320 You're torn up inside cos you think you don't like me. 1066 01:15:43,580 --> 01:15:44,920 News for you. 1067 01:15:46,080 --> 01:15:48,660 You fucking love me. 1068 01:15:50,200 --> 01:15:52,400 You'd like to be me, 1069 01:15:52,940 --> 01:15:57,420 you just can't quite admit it, can you? 1070 01:16:00,380 --> 01:16:02,020 Chip on your shoulder much? 1071 01:16:09,180 --> 01:16:14,240 You're no better than a bunch of kids breaking shop windows. 1072 01:16:17,700 --> 01:16:20,040 You're just spoiled little brats. 1073 01:16:35,540 --> 01:16:36,260 Oops. 1074 01:16:40,860 --> 01:16:42,880 Shit, Villiers, get the door, get the door. 1075 01:16:43,460 --> 01:16:45,160 Come on. 1076 01:16:50,240 --> 01:16:51,620 No, no, no, no. 1077 01:16:57,840 --> 01:17:00,400 Wouldn't want you to be out of pocket mate. 1078 01:17:29,780 --> 01:17:30,360 Fuck. 1079 01:17:30,540 --> 01:17:31,420 Bowler. 1080 01:17:32,840 --> 01:17:33,620 Come on. 1081 01:17:56,220 --> 01:17:58,300 Toby, Toby, Toby, Toby. 1082 01:17:59,580 --> 01:18:00,840 Guys... 1083 01:18:02,120 --> 01:18:04,080 What the, the fuck are you doing? 1084 01:18:06,500 --> 01:18:08,120 He was pushing me all night. 1085 01:18:08,740 --> 01:18:10,620 Jesus fucking Christ, is he breathing? 1086 01:18:11,280 --> 01:18:12,420 Yeah. Just. 1087 01:18:13,380 --> 01:18:14,420 Ambulance, please. 1088 01:18:15,900 --> 01:18:17,560 Hang up, Milo. Milo, hang up the phone. 1089 01:18:17,560 --> 01:18:19,060 The Bull's Head, Kidsbury. 1090 01:18:19,060 --> 01:18:21,480 - Somebody's unconscious. - Wait. Say he fell. Say he fell. 1091 01:18:23,140 --> 01:18:24,120 He was punched. 1092 01:18:24,120 --> 01:18:26,120 Fuck's sakes, Richards. 1093 01:18:29,200 --> 01:18:30,300 I'm gonna be sick. 1094 01:18:30,300 --> 01:18:32,300 Mate, they'll send the police, you said there's been a fight. 1095 01:18:34,020 --> 01:18:34,880 fuck 1096 01:18:36,240 --> 01:18:37,920 Right, guys, listen, 1097 01:18:37,920 --> 01:18:39,920 nobody says anything to them, OK? 1098 01:18:39,920 --> 01:18:42,220 I think it's pretty fucking obvious what's happened. 1099 01:18:42,220 --> 01:18:43,920 Just say, "No comment", yes? 1100 01:18:43,920 --> 01:18:45,280 Get the money out. 1101 01:18:48,780 --> 01:18:51,080 I didn't do this. I didn't do this. 1102 01:18:51,080 --> 01:18:54,860 Mate, it's the club, right? We all did this. 1103 01:20:51,280 --> 01:20:52,520 Did you say anything? 1104 01:20:53,740 --> 01:20:54,940 Nothing. 1105 01:20:56,120 --> 01:20:56,960 You? 1106 01:20:56,960 --> 01:20:58,440 Uh-uh. 1107 01:21:02,740 --> 01:21:03,340 Mate. 1108 01:21:04,760 --> 01:21:06,540 Remember when you did the bedroom trash? 1109 01:21:07,060 --> 01:21:08,160 Yeah. 1110 01:21:08,980 --> 01:21:10,620 Whose room did you do first? 1111 01:21:11,440 --> 01:21:12,320 Why? 1112 01:21:13,820 --> 01:21:16,840 Is this your driver? I'll tell you in the car. 1113 01:21:30,840 --> 01:21:33,420 - Are you a relative? - I don't need to see him, 1114 01:21:33,420 --> 01:21:34,680 I just want to find out if he's OK... 1115 01:21:34,680 --> 01:21:35,800 The fuck are you doing here? 1116 01:21:37,020 --> 01:21:38,140 See how much trouble you're in? 1117 01:21:38,820 --> 01:21:40,960 It's all right. It's going to be fine. Thank you very much. 1118 01:21:40,960 --> 01:21:41,720 Excuse me. 1119 01:21:42,500 --> 01:21:45,040 Excuse me, I'm sorry, I just wanted to check, is he... 1120 01:21:45,220 --> 01:21:46,560 Is he what? Is he dead? 1121 01:21:47,440 --> 01:21:48,520 - Is he dead? - No. 1122 01:21:48,520 --> 01:21:50,520 Now get back in your Bentley and fuck off. 1123 01:21:59,540 --> 01:22:02,740 One of his lungs has collapsed. He's got a blood clot in his brain. 1124 01:22:02,740 --> 01:22:03,300 Fuck. 1125 01:22:03,740 --> 01:22:07,040 Two broken ribs. Collarbone. Several fingers, broken nose, 1126 01:22:07,040 --> 01:22:09,040 ruptured spleen, internal bleeding. 1127 01:22:10,500 --> 01:22:12,240 Right now they're trying to save the sight in his left eye, 1128 01:22:12,240 --> 01:22:14,240 does that answer your fucking question? 1129 01:22:17,440 --> 01:22:18,100 Yes. 1130 01:22:24,220 --> 01:22:24,900 Dad. 1131 01:22:27,000 --> 01:22:29,340 They're asking if you can remember anything. 1132 01:22:30,800 --> 01:22:32,000 Who hit you? 1133 01:22:36,280 --> 01:22:37,660 I don't know. 1134 01:22:41,600 --> 01:22:43,240 They all look the same. 1135 01:22:48,600 --> 01:22:50,880 - Where's Miles? - I don't know. 1136 01:22:54,940 --> 01:22:56,320 So, what do we do? 1137 01:22:56,740 --> 01:22:57,440 Wait. 1138 01:22:58,140 --> 01:23:01,460 My lawyer says they'll call us back for second interviews if they find anything. 1139 01:23:01,460 --> 01:23:02,880 They'll find fingerprints and things, won't they? 1140 01:23:02,880 --> 01:23:04,680 Ivan says we carry on. Say nothing. 1141 01:23:04,680 --> 01:23:05,880 How far is that going to get us? 1142 01:23:05,880 --> 01:23:07,080 It got us bail, didn't it? 1143 01:23:07,600 --> 01:23:08,840 At least we've got time to think. 1144 01:23:09,480 --> 01:23:10,840 Well, can someone come up with something? 1145 01:23:10,840 --> 01:23:12,080 Cos I'd really like to have a career. 1146 01:23:12,080 --> 01:23:14,080 Self-defence. He came at us waving a knife. 1147 01:23:14,080 --> 01:23:15,280 What? Ten on one? 1148 01:23:22,280 --> 01:23:24,140 How about we give them someone? 1149 01:23:24,700 --> 01:23:26,060 You mean, the police? 1150 01:23:26,060 --> 01:23:28,960 We choose one person, ideally a volunteer, 1151 01:23:28,960 --> 01:23:30,960 we all say he was the one who had the fight with the landlord. 1152 01:23:31,340 --> 01:23:34,720 What about the club? Sticking together, all for one? 1153 01:23:34,720 --> 01:23:38,060 Wait. One man confesses, takes a hit for the team. 1154 01:23:38,440 --> 01:23:39,520 Nine of us stay clean. 1155 01:23:39,520 --> 01:23:40,760 He'd be a fucking hero. 1156 01:23:40,760 --> 01:23:42,940 And the rest of us do what we can to help him in the future. 1157 01:23:42,940 --> 01:23:44,500 You don't leave a man out in the field, 1158 01:23:44,500 --> 01:23:46,820 - this is not what we do. - Balf, it's not fucking Dunkirk. 1159 01:23:47,880 --> 01:23:49,320 Surely, we don't get to choose? 1160 01:23:50,020 --> 01:23:50,660 Mate? 1161 01:23:51,340 --> 01:23:53,320 Surely it's up to the police who gets punished? 1162 01:23:54,620 --> 01:23:56,440 The landlord can't remember who hit him. 1163 01:23:56,440 --> 01:23:58,620 So, we can decide that. 1164 01:24:04,280 --> 01:24:05,200 So? 1165 01:24:05,840 --> 01:24:07,180 Who's it going to be? 1166 01:24:07,420 --> 01:24:08,540 It's pretty obvious, isn't it? 1167 01:24:08,540 --> 01:24:09,520 Ryle... 1168 01:24:12,160 --> 01:24:13,540 Would you like to volunteer? 1169 01:24:14,960 --> 01:24:15,740 What? 1170 01:24:15,740 --> 01:24:17,180 You did punch him first. 1171 01:24:18,440 --> 01:24:19,780 I wasn't the only one. 1172 01:24:20,680 --> 01:24:22,600 The rest of you wanted to, even if you didn't. 1173 01:24:22,600 --> 01:24:24,120 You did get everyone wound up. 1174 01:24:24,740 --> 01:24:25,460 What? 1175 01:24:25,500 --> 01:24:27,840 That stuff you said, "Stop apologising", "Them and us"... 1176 01:24:27,840 --> 01:24:30,240 I was only saying what every other fucker in here was thinking. 1177 01:24:30,240 --> 01:24:31,880 Incitement. It was incitement. 1178 01:24:31,880 --> 01:24:33,880 I mean, didn't your brother tell you it was a dinner, not a rally? 1179 01:24:33,880 --> 01:24:35,260 Nothing like his brother. 1180 01:24:38,380 --> 01:24:39,920 It should be the president, shouldn't it? 1181 01:24:42,020 --> 01:24:43,200 What the fuck? 1182 01:24:43,200 --> 01:24:46,320 Well if anyone's going to fall on their sword, shouldn't it be you? 1183 01:24:49,300 --> 01:24:51,640 I, I didn't even touch him. 1184 01:24:51,640 --> 01:24:52,920 Man up and take it. 1185 01:24:55,360 --> 01:24:55,820 Boys... 1186 01:24:55,820 --> 01:24:59,240 Or we do the logical thing, last in, first out. 1187 01:24:59,580 --> 01:25:00,660 What, the newest member? 1188 01:25:00,660 --> 01:25:01,840 But we've got two new members. 1189 01:25:01,840 --> 01:25:03,180 Yeah, but technically you only become a member 1190 01:25:03,180 --> 01:25:05,300 once your room's trashed, so it depends on which order we did that. 1191 01:25:05,300 --> 01:25:07,620 We did Ryle first, so technically... 1192 01:25:09,160 --> 01:25:10,180 Technically, it's Miles. 1193 01:25:18,580 --> 01:25:19,640 I didn't do anything. 1194 01:25:21,880 --> 01:25:23,380 You did call the ambulance. 1195 01:25:26,020 --> 01:25:27,720 I'm not going to go in there and say I did this. 1196 01:25:28,220 --> 01:25:28,940 What the fuck? 1197 01:25:29,160 --> 01:25:30,280 We'll all rally. 1198 01:25:30,960 --> 01:25:33,620 Dimitri can get you a shit-hot lawyer. You'd be doing it for the club. 1199 01:25:33,620 --> 01:25:34,640 Fuck the club. 1200 01:25:34,640 --> 01:25:36,500 We're not still talking about that, are we? 1201 01:25:37,180 --> 01:25:39,120 I'm sorry, but I can't... 1202 01:25:39,580 --> 01:25:41,060 God, if it really kicked off... 1203 01:25:41,940 --> 01:25:43,420 We could all get sent down from college. 1204 01:25:43,420 --> 01:25:45,560 Yes, and that's the worst possible thing you can imagine happening, is it? 1205 01:25:45,560 --> 01:25:49,060 Miles, I have holes in my pockets and no one useful on speed dial. 1206 01:25:49,900 --> 01:25:51,280 I'm built for hiding in libraries. 1207 01:25:51,280 --> 01:25:53,280 I'm not gonna lie to the police, so you can ponce around 1208 01:25:53,280 --> 01:25:54,860 in a fucking cape for the rest of your life. 1209 01:25:54,860 --> 01:25:55,900 Thing is, mate, 1210 01:25:57,400 --> 01:25:58,620 it's nine against one. 1211 01:26:00,320 --> 01:26:01,260 Whatever you say. 1212 01:26:30,940 --> 01:26:33,020 Can I, uh, speak to you? 1213 01:26:33,020 --> 01:26:35,860 - Somewhere not... - I've got nothing to say. 1214 01:26:38,340 --> 01:26:41,100 Please, I have to talk to someone... 1215 01:26:46,860 --> 01:26:48,760 You let them humiliate me. 1216 01:26:51,040 --> 01:26:52,400 I'm sorry. 1217 01:26:55,380 --> 01:26:57,060 Really sorry. 1218 01:26:57,840 --> 01:27:00,480 And I will do whatever you want to prove that to you, but... 1219 01:27:01,820 --> 01:27:03,320 I need your help, something's happened... 1220 01:27:03,320 --> 01:27:05,600 Why should I help you after what you put me through? 1221 01:27:05,600 --> 01:27:08,700 I didn't do what you think, I tried to stop them... 1222 01:27:08,700 --> 01:27:10,400 You were there. 1223 01:27:10,720 --> 01:27:12,680 You had a choice, Miles. 1224 01:27:13,880 --> 01:27:15,640 You chose to do nothing 1225 01:27:15,640 --> 01:27:19,400 and if you speak to me ever again, I will report you, 1226 01:27:19,980 --> 01:27:22,620 all of you, for assault. 1227 01:27:23,580 --> 01:27:24,520 Please... 1228 01:27:49,460 --> 01:27:50,520 Alistair Ryle? 1229 01:27:51,300 --> 01:27:52,580 Uh, no. 1230 01:27:53,400 --> 01:27:54,720 This is his room? 1231 01:27:55,700 --> 01:27:57,600 No, we, we swapped. 1232 01:27:58,320 --> 01:28:02,360 He's in Cloister Quad, Walsingham, number six, I think. 1233 01:28:04,220 --> 01:28:05,620 You got some ID? 1234 01:28:05,620 --> 01:28:07,160 Yeah, yeah. 1235 01:28:24,400 --> 01:28:25,780 Sorry to disturb you. 1236 01:28:25,780 --> 01:28:28,020 No, it's fine. Thank you. 1237 01:28:42,260 --> 01:28:43,280 Alistair Ryle? 1238 01:29:00,280 --> 01:29:02,740 They found bits of the landlord under Ryle's fingernails. 1239 01:29:02,880 --> 01:29:03,800 Bits? 1240 01:29:03,800 --> 01:29:05,800 I don't know, skin and stuff. Skin. 1241 01:29:05,800 --> 01:29:06,840 And they've charged him? 1242 01:29:07,380 --> 01:29:08,160 yeah 1243 01:29:09,320 --> 01:29:10,060 Just him? 1244 01:29:10,160 --> 01:29:10,700 yes 1245 01:29:11,900 --> 01:29:13,820 and the rest of us pay a police fine for the damage 1246 01:29:13,820 --> 01:29:14,920 no criminal record 1247 01:29:15,260 --> 01:29:16,460 and do we trust Ryle to...? 1248 01:29:16,460 --> 01:29:17,700 course we do the man's a legend 1249 01:29:19,140 --> 01:29:20,840 and what about college? are we gonna be sent down? 1250 01:29:21,880 --> 01:29:23,380 you're a fucking pussy Leighton 1251 01:29:24,420 --> 01:29:25,460 you know that? 1252 01:29:46,160 --> 01:29:47,960 were it up to me these boys would be sent down 1253 01:29:48,740 --> 01:29:51,340 for moral vacuity and unspeakable thoughtlessness 1254 01:29:52,760 --> 01:29:53,480 However... 1255 01:29:54,760 --> 01:29:55,880 I have been outvoted 1256 01:29:56,720 --> 01:29:59,440 since the police have decided to prosecute only one of the boys 1257 01:29:59,740 --> 01:30:02,900 the council of colleges doesn't feel justified in removing all ten 1258 01:30:05,240 --> 01:30:07,520 not with the roasting we'd receive from the press 1259 01:30:08,680 --> 01:30:11,100 only Alistair Ryles to be sent down 1260 01:30:12,520 --> 01:30:15,520 Oh well, that is, my gosh 1261 01:30:15,520 --> 01:30:17,520 that is very good news 1262 01:30:18,260 --> 01:30:20,960 time will tell if it was one bad apple spoiling the rest 1263 01:30:21,780 --> 01:30:22,240 well 1264 01:30:23,320 --> 01:30:24,480 thank you 1265 01:30:24,880 --> 01:30:26,640 of course, if there's anything we can do 1266 01:30:26,640 --> 01:30:28,160 to say thank you to the college 1267 01:30:32,500 --> 01:30:33,420 anything? 1268 01:30:34,340 --> 01:30:34,940 No. 1269 01:30:43,020 --> 01:30:44,280 OK Ollie, let's go 1270 01:30:45,200 --> 01:30:47,380 your marvellous brother's got away with it this time 1271 01:30:47,720 --> 01:30:48,320 Was that all? 1272 01:30:48,320 --> 01:30:48,920 He stays. 1273 01:30:48,920 --> 01:30:50,700 He's allowed back after the holidays 1274 01:30:50,960 --> 01:30:51,740 thank god 1275 01:30:52,840 --> 01:30:54,920 I was just coming to find you 1276 01:31:00,580 --> 01:31:01,120 sorry 1277 01:31:02,000 --> 01:31:03,240 Uh, Guy Bellingfield 1278 01:31:03,960 --> 01:31:05,340 Wonderful to meet you 1279 01:31:05,340 --> 01:31:07,080 I've heard so much about you 1280 01:31:08,120 --> 01:31:09,560 You're not a friend from his club are you? 1281 01:31:10,140 --> 01:31:12,140 Uh, from the history society 1282 01:31:12,580 --> 01:31:13,880 Junior historians 1283 01:31:14,680 --> 01:31:15,460 Actually... 1284 01:31:15,860 --> 01:31:17,320 I'm the new president 1285 01:31:17,320 --> 01:31:18,880 of the junior historians 1286 01:31:19,500 --> 01:31:20,220 president? 1287 01:31:20,960 --> 01:31:21,860 the previous incumbent 1288 01:31:21,860 --> 01:31:24,400 was shown not to be up to the job, so... 1289 01:31:26,280 --> 01:31:27,820 I thought we could get together... 1290 01:31:28,120 --> 01:31:29,880 discuss next term's lecture series 1291 01:31:30,340 --> 01:31:32,000 if you fancy coming along 1292 01:31:36,020 --> 01:31:37,820 maybe it's not for me... 1293 01:31:38,920 --> 01:31:40,780 I'm done with societies 1294 01:31:41,400 --> 01:31:42,660 I'll be fine on my own 1295 01:31:43,900 --> 01:31:44,880 thanks 1296 01:31:49,180 --> 01:31:49,780 well... 1297 01:31:50,660 --> 01:31:51,620 good luck with that... 1298 01:31:53,460 --> 01:31:54,280 Good to meet you. 1299 01:31:58,900 --> 01:31:59,820 - Tubes, mate 1300 01:32:00,860 --> 01:32:01,820 club meeting 1301 01:32:01,820 --> 01:32:03,820 Operation Grasshopper, call me back, yeah? 1302 01:32:33,040 --> 01:32:33,920 Alistair... 1303 01:32:34,980 --> 01:32:36,040 Good of you to come. 1304 01:32:36,500 --> 01:32:37,960 Harry said you wanted to see me 1305 01:32:37,960 --> 01:32:38,840 Do you want some munch? 1306 01:32:40,400 --> 01:32:41,500 yeah 1307 01:32:49,360 --> 01:32:51,160 You're with Jonny Drummond, right? 1308 01:32:53,060 --> 01:32:53,940 Dad trusts him 1309 01:32:53,940 --> 01:32:55,460 He's a good lawyer 1310 01:32:55,460 --> 01:32:57,460 What's he advising? Self defence? 1311 01:32:57,460 --> 01:32:59,460 Landlord was carrying a kinfe I hear 1312 01:33:00,980 --> 01:33:02,940 We're going with I was bullied into it 1313 01:33:04,020 --> 01:33:05,260 that the club scapegoat 1314 01:33:05,260 --> 01:33:06,760 did me which is pretty much the truth 1315 01:33:06,760 --> 01:33:08,140 Forgive me but, wouldn't it be better if 1316 01:33:08,140 --> 01:33:10,140 the club could be kept out of it? 1317 01:33:12,960 --> 01:33:14,040 I don't see how it could 1318 01:33:14,040 --> 01:33:16,040 Well, with the right lawyer, certainly 1319 01:33:16,040 --> 01:33:16,980 I know a man 1320 01:33:17,340 --> 01:33:18,680 ex-member himself 1321 01:33:18,680 --> 01:33:20,480 very useful in sorting out our scrapes 1322 01:33:20,480 --> 01:33:21,320 over the years 1323 01:33:21,400 --> 01:33:22,640 I don't give a shit 1324 01:33:23,100 --> 01:33:25,320 about the club, smash it 1325 01:33:28,020 --> 01:33:29,100 it's a bunker isn't it 1326 01:33:30,400 --> 01:33:32,620 training up a generation for a life in hiding 1327 01:33:33,220 --> 01:33:34,420 We're not in hiding 1328 01:33:35,780 --> 01:33:37,180 it's an adaptation 1329 01:33:37,180 --> 01:33:39,180 We adapt to survive 1330 01:33:40,900 --> 01:33:42,460 The dinners are just the beginning 1331 01:33:42,460 --> 01:33:44,460 of a three year initiation, if you like 1332 01:33:45,520 --> 01:33:46,560 you might have lost your place 1333 01:33:46,560 --> 01:33:48,560 in college, but you're still in the club 1334 01:33:48,560 --> 01:33:50,560 you can't afford not to be 1335 01:33:51,240 --> 01:33:51,680 Look... 1336 01:33:51,680 --> 01:33:53,800 Why don't you come and spend some time in my office? 1337 01:33:53,800 --> 01:33:55,080 See how we do things. 1338 01:33:56,040 --> 01:33:57,440 I don't want anything handed to me 1339 01:33:57,440 --> 01:33:58,160 on a plate 1340 01:33:58,160 --> 01:34:00,160 I'm not giving you a constituency 1341 01:34:01,280 --> 01:34:03,480 Maybe you've got it in you to do something special one day 1342 01:34:03,480 --> 01:34:04,960 and I'd rather you be doing it in my camp 1343 01:34:04,960 --> 01:34:06,960 than someone else's 1344 01:34:16,980 --> 01:34:18,780 Not just offering you a better lawyer Alistair 1345 01:34:18,780 --> 01:34:20,200 I'm offering you a future 1346 01:34:31,640 --> 01:34:32,260 Good. 1347 01:34:39,940 --> 01:34:41,360 You know Lord Riot didn't spell his name 1348 01:34:41,360 --> 01:34:43,980 R-I-O-T but R-Y-O-T 1349 01:34:44,340 --> 01:34:46,280 Nothing to do with riotous behaviour 1350 01:34:48,100 --> 01:34:49,800 Still, thank God eh? 1351 01:34:50,660 --> 01:34:52,580 Thank God someone made the switch 1352 01:34:53,200 --> 01:34:54,820 Could've just been a mistake 1353 01:34:55,200 --> 01:34:57,160 People like us don't make mistakes, do we?