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Fixed & Synced by bozxphd. Enjoy The Flick.
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- [PEOPLE CHATTERING]
- [WOMAN LAUGHS]
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[UTENSIL TAPPING ON GLASS]
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Hi. Sorry to interrupt.
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I just wanted really quickly
to say thank you so much for coming
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and for sharing
such a perfect evening with us.
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It’s been so perfect
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that I think the only day
that could possibly rival it
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is the one that resulted in all of us
being here in the first place.
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And that night was exactly
three years ago today.
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And it was on that night that I knew I had
met someone really, really special.
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[GUESTS] Aw.
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It was the night when we first met.
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[DANCE INTRO]
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- [MAN] ♪ I’m sexy and I know it ♪
- [CHATTERING]
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[SONG CONTINUES]
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♪ I’m sexy and I know it ♪
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[SONG CONTINUES]
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Excuse me.
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Whoa, Black Elvis. It’s a good song.
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Oh. Cool. Going to Coachella?
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Excuse me. Coming through.
What is she dressed as?
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- Whoo-hoo!
- Hey, watch it, buddy!
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- Whoo! Hulk smash!
- [PEOPLE GASPING]
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- Are you okay?
- Oh, my God. I think so.
26
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You are A League of Their Own, right?
27
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- Yeah.
- I love that movie.
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Okay. What character am I?
29
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I’m getting, like,
a Tom Hanks vibe from you.
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[LAUGHS]
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00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:05,440
- No?
- No. I’m Dottie Hinson.
32
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I’m Geena Davis’s character.
33
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- Okay, that makes more sense.
- Are you my lesbian cousin Shannon?
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Yes. I was gonna ask if you wanted
to join my softball team.
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- I have a second guess.
- Who?
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- Are you Garth?
- Excellent!
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You know, the key to doing
a good Garth impression
38
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is to make your mouth
into a tiny little butthole.
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[LAUGHS] That was good.
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- Noah.
- I’m Avery.
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It’s nice to meet you. [CHUCKLES]
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So, what is your favorite drink?
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Grapefruit juice with vodka
and three maraschino cherries.
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Okay. Where are you from?
45
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All over the place. Kind of an army brat.
46
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I don’t really like that term,
but that’s what they call it.
47
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Well, I was a regular brat,
and I still don’t like that term.
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[NOAH] Let’s see it.
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Okay, so, it’s a work in progress.
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- Okay. All right.
- It’s not totally done.
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Ta-da!
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- Oh, it’s good!
- You hate it.
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It looks drunk, admittedly.
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- You’re quite the artist.
- Thank you.
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See what’s going on over there
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between Sexy Grumpy Cat
and the hipster Where’s Waldo?
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Look, they’re gonna fall in...
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Oh-ho! Now watch.
Everyone’s gonna jump in.
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Let’s party! Whoo!
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Whoo!
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- Maybe not.
- Wow. Now they’re making out in the pool.
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That’s kind of tacky.
Wait. I think I know that guy.
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His name is Patric with no “K.”
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- That’s a bad name.
- We went on one date.
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He literally spent the entire time
teaching me about sea turtles.
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Well, at least you know someone here.
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I just came with my roommate, Carrie.
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And there she is,
making out with Jell-O Shot Doctor.
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00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,180
Hey, do you wanna get out of here?
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00:03:55,260 --> 00:03:56,890
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
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- Do you like jazz?
- Do I like breathing?
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[COMBO PLAYING JAZZ]
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[JAZZ CONTINUES]
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God, this place is so awesome.
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How’d you find out about it?
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Well, I kinda know a guy that works here.
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- Ooh!
- It’s me.
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- I’m that guy.
- Yeah.
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- Did you get that?
- I got that, yeah. Yeah.
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Actually, I am the piano man...
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00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:27,830
who’s got magic hands.
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Oh, my God!
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- So, is there anything you’d like to hear?
- Mmm.
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Do you know any Count Basie?
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Whoa! You are a jazz fan.
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00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,640
- I am, mm-hmm.
- Wow. I love Count Basie.
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00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,440
- I’m more of an Oscar Peterson fan.
- Okay.
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His friends call him “OP” for short.
Do you know him?
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- No.
- He’s dead, so you can’t know him.
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Well, I appreciate a guy
who knows his music history.
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In that case, sit back and relax
and enjoy this Count Basie classic.
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Okay.
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♪ Well ♪
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♪ You know you make me wanna shout ♪
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♪ Kick my heels up and shout
Throw my hands up and shout ♪
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This is not Count Basie!
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00:05:06,410 --> 00:05:09,420
♪ Now don’t forget to say you will ♪
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♪ Don’t forget to say
Yeah-yeah ♪
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♪ Say you will
Say it right now, baby ♪
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♪ Come on, come on ♪
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♪ Say you will ♪
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♪ Say it right now ♪
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00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:24,770
♪ Oooh-ooh ♪
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- ♪ Say that you love me ♪
- ♪ Say ♪
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♪ Say that you need me ♪
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♪ Say that you want me
You wanna please me ♪
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- ♪ Say ♪
- ♪ Come on now ♪
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- ♪ Say ♪
- ♪ Come on now ♪
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- ♪ Say, say ♪
- ♪ Come on now, come on now ♪
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Uh-oh! Piano solo!
You said piano solo, didn’t you?
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- Oh, my God! New mission!
- What’s up?
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Okay, okay. Hey, do not forget
to tip your piano man!
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This is gonna be great.
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- All right.
- [AVERY CHUCKLES]
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These things are so much fun.
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- Ready? Okay.
- Yep.
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- No boring high school yearbook poses.
- What do you mean?
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The whole point is to do
something different in every photo.
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- I’m smiling.
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
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I know this might come as a shock to you,
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but I’ve never actually taken
a photo booth photo.
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- What?
- Yep. I’m a virgin.
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So be gentle with me, please.
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- Virgin, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
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Well, not anymore.
126
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Come on. This is the best part.
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- So we just stand out here and wait?
- Shh. Listen.
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[WHIRRING, CLICKING]
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There’s real film developing in there.
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It’s the sound of history.
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[WHIRRING, CLICKING CONTINUE]
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- [LAUGHS]
- How we lookin’?
133
00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,550
Well, your technique
could definitely use some work.
134
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But you’re cute.
135
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- Hmm?
- Come on. Let’s do it again.
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Yeah, okay.
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So, this is it.
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- Wow.
- Yeah.
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Your place is... is incredible.
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- Honestly.
- Thanks.
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Really? You’ve got one?
142
00:07:01,490 --> 00:07:03,160
Yeah. Why? Do you play?
143
00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:06,030
Oh, do I play?
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00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:09,660
Oh, you are so dead. I am a master.
145
00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:12,040
- Really? You’re a master. Okay.
- I am. Ready?
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- No! Don’t spin it!
- Is that a rule? I’ve never heard that.
147
00:07:15,750 --> 00:07:17,380
Yeah, that is a rule.
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00:07:17,460 --> 00:07:20,550
- Aah!
- Ohh! Laser!
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[SCREAMS]
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One step closer.
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00:07:28,180 --> 00:07:29,970
- [SHOUTING]
- [AVERY LAUGHS]
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That’s what you get for cheating. I win.
153
00:07:32,730 --> 00:07:34,650
Whoo! Crowd goes wild!
154
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Mmm. I haven’t had Cookie Crisp
in, like, ten years.
155
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Oh. Best late-night food ever.
156
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:42,530
- It’s the best.
- Mm-hmm.
157
00:07:42,610 --> 00:07:45,160
So then I got the job at the piano bar,
158
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and the first night playing
was just amazing.
159
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So I dropped out of business school
the next day.
160
00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:54,420
You know what they say. Do what you love,
you’ll never work a day in your life.
161
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Yeah, super-super-poor people say that.
162
00:07:58,170 --> 00:08:00,210
- Can I get you another refresher?
- Yeah.
163
00:08:00,300 --> 00:08:03,220
- Oh. She’s gulping it down.
- A little bit more. Thank you.
164
00:08:05,090 --> 00:08:06,890
Who’s this? Is this your grandma?
165
00:08:06,970 --> 00:08:09,850
Oh, no, that’s actually Dorothy.
166
00:08:09,930 --> 00:08:12,980
She lives at the retirement home
I did a fund-raiser for.
167
00:08:14,020 --> 00:08:15,850
I organize benefits for charities.
168
00:08:15,940 --> 00:08:19,190
So, like kids, the elderly, animals.
169
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You name it, I do it.
170
00:08:20,780 --> 00:08:22,070
Who are you?
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00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:27,320
♪ You know, you know, you know ♪
172
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♪ That you do ♪
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00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,500
[AVERY] And that was it.
174
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:35,250
That was the moment
I knew that it was love.
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00:08:35,330 --> 00:08:37,170
[GUESTS MURMURING, CHATTERING]
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[MAN] To Ethan and Avery!
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[GUESTS] Cheers!
178
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[APPLAUSE]
179
00:08:44,470 --> 00:08:46,090
Yeah. I’ll take one. Thank you.
180
00:08:48,340 --> 00:08:50,260
Mmm.
181
00:08:50,350 --> 00:08:51,720
I’m gonna need two.
182
00:08:53,220 --> 00:08:54,230
Ah.
183
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,770
- Oh, a little boost.
- [CORK POPS]
184
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:11,120
[NOAH GASPING] Excuse me.
185
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,410
[NOAH RETCHING]
186
00:09:13,490 --> 00:09:14,620
- I’m gonna go.
- Yeah.
187
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:16,210
Thank you. I’ll be right back.
188
00:09:16,870 --> 00:09:19,040
[NOAH GROANING] It burns!
189
00:09:19,130 --> 00:09:21,670
- [VOMITING]
- Hey, Noah!
190
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:26,010
- Noah?
- [WHEEZES] Hey.
191
00:09:26,090 --> 00:09:28,630
- Hey, you okay in there?
- [WHEEZES] Not so good.
192
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,890
My Aunt Cindy said you puked on her
a little bit as you walked by.
193
00:09:31,970 --> 00:09:33,680
She puked on me first.
194
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:36,100
- [VOMITING]
- Okay, I’m coming in.
195
00:09:36,180 --> 00:09:38,310
- Okay?
- Oh, I wish you wouldn’t.
196
00:09:38,390 --> 00:09:40,100
- I’m coming in.
- [GROANING]
197
00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:41,940
Hey.
198
00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:44,150
How are you?
199
00:09:45,110 --> 00:09:47,610
- You dying in here?
- I’m...
200
00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:49,450
I’m... so good.
201
00:09:49,530 --> 00:09:51,200
You hit the open bar too hard.
202
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:52,910
You think this is about...
203
00:09:53,780 --> 00:09:54,990
drinking?
204
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,290
This was about...
205
00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,540
food poisoning.
206
00:09:59,620 --> 00:10:00,630
Taquitos.
207
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:04,420
Or the seven-layer dip.
208
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:06,840
- Why so many layers? You don’t need seven.
- [KNOCKING]
209
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,010
- Ethan.
- Noah. How you feeling, buddy?
210
00:10:10,090 --> 00:10:13,220
Oh, so good. I’m so glad he’s here now.
211
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:15,640
Got you a Vitaminwater, some saltines.
212
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:19,390
I got Pepto chewables in the glove box.
Let’s get this stuff in your system.
213
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,600
Mmm, yeah. Thank you.
214
00:10:21,690 --> 00:10:22,690
You are a peach.
215
00:10:22,730 --> 00:10:25,270
Oh. What are these, crackers?
216
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,230
Mm-mm-mmm. Mmm!
217
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:28,820
- Feel better already.
- Awesome.
218
00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:30,910
Let me know if you need anything else.
219
00:10:30,990 --> 00:10:33,530
- Baby, by the way, that speech?
- Yeah?
220
00:10:33,620 --> 00:10:34,840
- It was beautiful.
- Thank you.
221
00:10:34,870 --> 00:10:37,050
- Everybody in the room was so moved.
- I was so nervous.
222
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,370
- I love you so much.
- I love you.
223
00:10:39,460 --> 00:10:41,250
- [NOAH CLEARS THROAT]
- [CRUNCHING]
224
00:10:43,670 --> 00:10:45,210
[CHUCKLES]
225
00:10:45,290 --> 00:10:48,590
Also, my parents want to team up for
that Skype call whenever we have a chance.
226
00:10:48,670 --> 00:10:50,800
So, um, just meet me at the laptop?
227
00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,590
- Yes. I’ll be right there.
- Okay.
228
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:54,680
- Feel better. Okay?
- Mm-hmm.
229
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,390
Keep your head up.
230
00:10:56,470 --> 00:10:57,520
Okay.
231
00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,940
You wanna go
maybe walk around a little bit?
232
00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:03,770
- Just really slowly. Careful, careful.
- I’m fine.
233
00:11:03,850 --> 00:11:05,770
- Okay. Okay.
- These aren’t good.
234
00:11:05,860 --> 00:11:07,480
- Candid.
- [SHUTTER CLICKS]
235
00:11:07,570 --> 00:11:09,070
That’s a candid.
236
00:11:09,150 --> 00:11:10,860
- Candid.
- [SHUTTER CLICKS]
237
00:11:12,110 --> 00:11:13,950
- Hey, Carrie.
- Hey, hon.
238
00:11:14,030 --> 00:11:16,160
Noah. Haven’t seen you in forever.
239
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,620
- Hey, Carrie.
- I’ve got a shoot tomorrow morning.
240
00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:20,910
So I was wondering,
cool if I can leave a little early?
241
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:24,920
Maybe you can take Noah home.
He’s a little... He shouldn’t be driving.
242
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,000
- I’m fine.
- Candid.
243
00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:30,670
You don’t look fine. You look like shit.
244
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,760
You know, uh, honestly,
I-I’ll take an Uber.
245
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:35,390
- Cool.
- [ETHAN] Hey, Avery!
246
00:11:35,470 --> 00:11:37,260
Oh. Yeah. One second.
247
00:11:37,350 --> 00:11:39,270
- Um, really? Are you sure?
- [NOAH SIGHS]
248
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:41,230
Yeah. I-I’m actually not...
249
00:11:41,310 --> 00:11:43,560
Feel better, okay? Thank you. Bye, Carrie.
250
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:44,940
- Bye.
- Bye.
251
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:51,400
Ooh. That had my Uber on it.
252
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:53,490
You really are a mess.
253
00:11:53,570 --> 00:11:55,570
- [BURPS]
- All right, fine. Let’s go.
254
00:11:58,370 --> 00:12:01,080
Oh, they’re so beautiful. [SIGHS]
255
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,810
- [KISSES]
- [CARRIE] Let’s go, train wreck.
256
00:12:04,830 --> 00:12:06,130
Mm-hmm.
257
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,130
- [NOAH GROANING]
- You stole an Avery-Ethan plate? You dork.
258
00:12:10,210 --> 00:12:13,010
- Candid!
- You delete that. Okay?
259
00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:14,970
Don’t want any evidence
that this ever happened.
260
00:12:15,050 --> 00:12:17,260
Nope. Sorry.
261
00:12:17,340 --> 00:12:20,470
I photograph weddings for a living.
Capturing misery and regret is what I do.
262
00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:23,020
- Perfect.
- What is your deal tonight anyway?
263
00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:26,440
It’s kind of a long story,
so I’d rather not get into it.
264
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:27,520
Yeah, okay. Cool.
265
00:12:29,020 --> 00:12:30,770
Oh, you don’t want to hear it?
266
00:12:31,860 --> 00:12:34,200
- Yeah, ’cause I don’t want to tell you.
- Okay.
267
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:39,030
[EXHALES]
268
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,120
[GROANING]
269
00:12:48,170 --> 00:12:49,840
Fine. I’ll tell you.
270
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:51,300
All right?
271
00:12:51,380 --> 00:12:53,760
Frickin’ drag it out of me, why don’t you?
272
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,340
It has to do with the fact that I’m...
273
00:12:59,390 --> 00:13:00,970
in love with Avery.
274
00:13:01,060 --> 00:13:02,060
Are you serious?
275
00:13:02,140 --> 00:13:04,890
Why would you go to a party
celebrating their engagement then?
276
00:13:04,980 --> 00:13:07,350
I guess I just wanted to prove
that I could do it,
277
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:11,650
that I’m not gonna spend my life obsessed
over the fact I missed my shot with her.
278
00:13:11,730 --> 00:13:14,400
- You’re doing great with that so far.
- You know what, Carrie?
279
00:13:14,490 --> 00:13:15,650
I am.
280
00:13:15,740 --> 00:13:18,110
I am, considering the facts,
281
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,240
and I’ll be doing even more better
when I find my...
282
00:13:21,330 --> 00:13:23,160
- Dignity?
- Oop!
283
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:24,870
Oh!
284
00:13:24,950 --> 00:13:26,500
Jack Daniel’s.
285
00:13:26,580 --> 00:13:29,170
- Okay.
- The nectar of the gods.
286
00:13:29,250 --> 00:13:32,710
You’re a real sad sack of shit right now.
287
00:13:35,420 --> 00:13:37,220
Can I tell you a story?
288
00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:41,300
Has to do with when Avery and I first met.
289
00:13:41,390 --> 00:13:43,390
Just give me the abridged version.
290
00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:47,640
It all started three years
and one day ago.
291
00:13:47,730 --> 00:13:50,400
The year was 2014.
292
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,360
A time filled with hope and dreams.
293
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,320
I can still remember the exact pitch
of her laugh.
294
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,660
- [LAUGHING]
- [AUDIO SLOWS DOWN]
295
00:13:59,740 --> 00:14:02,990
- [CARRIE] That’s not how it happened.
- [NOAH] I think you’re mistaken.
296
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:04,910
[CARRIE] No, I was at that party.
297
00:14:04,990 --> 00:14:06,870
I was just... preoccupied.
298
00:14:07,710 --> 00:14:08,710
Wait. Where are we?
299
00:14:08,750 --> 00:14:11,920
We are at my home, sister.
300
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,550
No, this is a bar. I’m not your...
301
00:14:14,630 --> 00:14:16,210
- Oh, I’m dr...
- Noah, get back in.
302
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:17,880
- [GASPS]
- Oh!
303
00:14:17,970 --> 00:14:21,340
[NOAH GROANING]
304
00:14:21,430 --> 00:14:23,220
- Je...
- You okay?
305
00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:25,390
- I’m fine.
- Jesus Christ.
306
00:14:25,470 --> 00:14:28,430
- No, I’m not Jesus Christ, I’m Noah.
- Oh. Okay.
307
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:32,020
- Get in the truck.
- No, I need to keep my buzz going.
308
00:14:32,100 --> 00:14:33,270
Get... Oh!
309
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:35,230
- I’ll take it.
- Seriously?
310
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:38,110
- [PIANO JAZZ PLAYING]
- [CARRIE] Think you should sit down.
311
00:14:38,190 --> 00:14:39,950
Sorry. So sorry.
312
00:14:40,030 --> 00:14:42,200
- There’s my friend Max.
- Noah!
313
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:45,490
Oh, my God, you are drunk.
Gotta get you some help. Excuse me.
314
00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:48,870
Can we get some ginger whiskey,
a blueberry Red Bull, and who is this?
315
00:14:48,950 --> 00:14:51,920
You didn’t pick up an escort, did you?
You are very lovely.
316
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,130
- Hey, I’m Max.
- And I’m leaving.
317
00:14:54,210 --> 00:14:56,410
I have a photo shoot
in Lafayette Park tomorrow morning.
318
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:59,970
That’s where I take my wedding photos.
’Cause I am a photographer, not an escort.
319
00:15:00,050 --> 00:15:03,800
What a coincidence, ’cause my office
actually overlooks that park.
320
00:15:03,890 --> 00:15:06,720
Oh, yeah! That big dumb building full
of douche bags.
321
00:15:06,810 --> 00:15:08,770
Yeah. I’m the vice president
of the douche bags.
322
00:15:08,850 --> 00:15:11,730
- You’re obviously in great hands.
- No, no, no, no, no.
323
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:13,900
You gotta hear the rest of the story.
324
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:17,690
’Cause this is the part
that gets truly tragic.
325
00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:21,070
You know when you are about
to fulfill your destiny?
326
00:15:21,150 --> 00:15:24,820
I waited too long, and then I got hugged.
327
00:15:24,910 --> 00:15:29,910
[OPERA TENOR SINGING “PAGLIACCI”]
328
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:33,580
- You’re so awesome.
- Mmm.
329
00:15:33,670 --> 00:15:36,460
- [MACHINE GUN FIRE]
- [MEN SCREAMING, GRUNTING]
330
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:41,470
Oh, this is so nice to have
a good guy friend, I can’t even tell you.
331
00:15:41,550 --> 00:15:42,470
[GROANS]
332
00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:45,550
[SINGING CONTINUES]
333
00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:50,470
[NOAH] I left never knowing
what went wrong.
334
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,140
- Bye!
- Bye.
335
00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:55,520
But I figured I would at least
get a second chance with her.
336
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:57,820
Until fate...
337
00:15:58,860 --> 00:16:01,820
kicked me in my ball sack
the very next day
338
00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:03,610
when she met Ethan.
339
00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:06,530
[HOOVES CLOPPING]
340
00:16:06,620 --> 00:16:07,660
Can I help you with that?
341
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,130
[NOAH] And you know why
she needed more cereal?
342
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:22,050
Because I ate all of her Cookie Crisp.
343
00:16:22,130 --> 00:16:25,800
Like a... chubby, nine-year-old slob.
344
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:29,560
Wow. Your mental recollection
of that moment feels super-accurate.
345
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,180
- Ethan has nothing on you.
- He kinda does.
346
00:16:32,270 --> 00:16:35,190
- He’s, like, the nicest guy ever.
- He’s, like, Mormon nice.
347
00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:39,570
But that night, me and Avery,
we had something, and it was real.
348
00:16:39,650 --> 00:16:42,990
We bonded. We were laughing.
And she said I was cute.
349
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:45,240
Okay, “cute”? You’re clinging to “cute.”
350
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:48,740
Noah, my little brother’s cute.
That doesn’t mean I wanna have sex...
351
00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:50,870
I’m not...
352
00:16:51,870 --> 00:16:52,950
You get it.
353
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,750
I get that you have sexual thoughts
about your little brother,
354
00:16:55,830 --> 00:16:58,170
and I also get that you’re mean.
355
00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:00,960
You can tell that I’m in
an emotional state right now.
356
00:17:02,340 --> 00:17:07,470
Noah, relationships are all about energy
and attraction and intangible things,
357
00:17:07,550 --> 00:17:09,430
things beyond your control.
358
00:17:09,510 --> 00:17:11,390
Okay, you may be a great guy,
359
00:17:11,470 --> 00:17:14,060
but you were never gonna
be that guy to Avery.
360
00:17:14,140 --> 00:17:16,810
I just think it’s, you know,
time to move on.
361
00:17:16,890 --> 00:17:19,690
I’ve been telling him for three years.
You have something on your lips.
362
00:17:19,770 --> 00:17:22,070
- Let me get it with mine.
- Does that ever work for you?
363
00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:24,230
- Yes.
- It does, yes.
364
00:17:24,860 --> 00:17:27,320
And with that, Max can take it from here.
365
00:17:28,910 --> 00:17:30,780
Feel better, Noah.
366
00:17:30,870 --> 00:17:34,200
It was lovely meeting you, by the way.
We’ll talk soon, at dinner or something.
367
00:17:34,290 --> 00:17:36,120
- Doubtful.
- She’s right.
368
00:17:36,210 --> 00:17:38,920
Why would Avery ever want to be with me?
Look at me.
369
00:17:40,830 --> 00:17:42,750
Look at me, Maxie. I got a Play-Doh face.
370
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:44,960
People love your Play-Doh face.
371
00:17:45,050 --> 00:17:46,920
I got a disgusting face.
372
00:17:47,010 --> 00:17:48,630
Noah, I hate seeing you like this.
373
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,510
[NOAH STAMMERING]
374
00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:52,850
Let’s get you out of here. On your feet.
375
00:17:52,930 --> 00:17:54,560
Whoo!
376
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:55,970
Oh! Oh! [GRUNTS]
377
00:17:56,060 --> 00:17:58,190
Help me help you.
378
00:17:58,270 --> 00:18:01,650
Ooh, here’s a tip.
Here’s a tip from my tip jar.
379
00:18:01,730 --> 00:18:04,820
Don’t fall in love!
She’s gonna rip your heart out!
380
00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:06,530
So sorry about my friend.
381
00:18:06,610 --> 00:18:08,400
- [GRUNTING]
- You okay? You all right?
382
00:18:08,490 --> 00:18:09,930
- Focus. Focus.
- Where are we going?
383
00:18:09,990 --> 00:18:12,070
I’m gonna go score us a ride.
Just sit tight.
384
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,660
- Um... Okay.
- What are you doing?
385
00:18:13,740 --> 00:18:16,910
I’m... [STAMMERS] Okay, look...
386
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,620
- I’m sitting tight, baby!
- All right! Sit tight!
387
00:18:21,380 --> 00:18:24,800
Oh. My old friend the photo booth.
388
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:27,050
Let’s give her a spin.
389
00:18:27,130 --> 00:18:28,340
[CHUCKLES]
390
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,050
Yeah, still have these after three years.
391
00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:37,140
You truly are a sad sack of shit.
392
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,150
If only I could have a chance...
393
00:18:47,150 --> 00:18:48,820
to do everything different,
394
00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:51,410
I could be the kind of guy she would want.
395
00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:54,580
[FLASH POPPING]
396
00:18:55,780 --> 00:19:00,500
I could be exactly the kind of guy
Avery would end up with.
397
00:19:01,170 --> 00:19:02,920
[CLICKING]
398
00:19:14,430 --> 00:19:17,430
[GROANING]
399
00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:26,730
[SIGHS] Oh, son of a bitch.
400
00:19:27,940 --> 00:19:29,280
Mmm.
401
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:31,990
What a crazy dream.
402
00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:33,610
[GRUNTS]
403
00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:35,240
[MURMURS]
404
00:19:39,660 --> 00:19:41,500
[SIGHS]
405
00:19:46,130 --> 00:19:48,000
Hey, little witch.
Halloween was two days ago.
406
00:19:48,090 --> 00:19:49,090
[GIRL] Piss off.
407
00:20:01,020 --> 00:20:02,350
What the hell?
408
00:20:03,230 --> 00:20:06,270
[CHILDREN CHATTERING]
409
00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:08,070
Halloween lasts a week now?
410
00:20:08,150 --> 00:20:10,070
It’s good to be a kid today.
411
00:20:10,150 --> 00:20:11,610
[HORN HONKING]
412
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:19,530
All right, 75 cents, your change.
There you are. Thanks.
413
00:20:19,620 --> 00:20:24,790
Could I get a big-ass bottle of Advil
and a blueberry Red Bull, please?
414
00:20:24,870 --> 00:20:25,870
[CLERK] No problem.
415
00:20:36,930 --> 00:20:38,220
Hey, um...
416
00:20:41,220 --> 00:20:44,270
- Could you tell me what day it is?
- It’s Halloween.
417
00:20:46,770 --> 00:20:49,900
Yeah, but, I mean... Halloween...
418
00:20:50,690 --> 00:20:52,730
has definitely already happened, so...
419
00:20:55,530 --> 00:20:56,820
And what year is it?
420
00:20:58,870 --> 00:21:00,740
It’s 2014.
421
00:21:00,830 --> 00:21:03,120
Now, do you need anything else?
422
00:21:04,870 --> 00:21:05,960
Yeah.
423
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:08,750
Okay, uh...
424
00:21:08,830 --> 00:21:10,090
you know...
425
00:21:10,170 --> 00:21:12,960
could I just get my blueberry Red Bull
so I can get going?
426
00:21:13,420 --> 00:21:16,220
Red Bull doesn’t make
a blueberry flavor though.
427
00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:18,550
Just makes one flavor. Red Bull.
428
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,350
That’s their flavor. Red Bull.
429
00:21:20,430 --> 00:21:22,350
[ECHOING] Red Bull... Red Bull...
430
00:21:22,430 --> 00:21:24,770
Holy shit.
431
00:21:25,310 --> 00:21:26,310
You all right?
432
00:21:28,230 --> 00:21:30,150
Ohh!
433
00:21:30,230 --> 00:21:32,150
Hey, where you going, man?
434
00:21:38,860 --> 00:21:40,700
Max! Excuse me.
435
00:21:40,780 --> 00:21:42,030
Hi.
436
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:45,120
Hey. Max? No? You know Max?
437
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:47,370
Max!
438
00:21:49,580 --> 00:21:50,920
Yo. Over here.
439
00:21:51,790 --> 00:21:53,920
[MAN] Corporate Asset Management.
Please hold.
440
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,670
- I gotta talk.
- And I gotta listen.
441
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:58,590
But you got 15 seconds, tops.
442
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,180
Something unexplainable
is happening to me, Max.
443
00:22:01,260 --> 00:22:05,390
Look at all these papers. They all
have the exact same date on them.
444
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:07,730
Where am I?
445
00:22:08,850 --> 00:22:11,610
How did I get here?
What is happening to my life?
446
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:14,840
Did I not tell you the day
you dropped out of business school
447
00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:16,990
something exactly like this
was gonna happen to you?
448
00:22:17,070 --> 00:22:19,780
- Exactly like what?
- Like a quarter-life crisis.
449
00:22:19,860 --> 00:22:21,030
- No.
- Yeah, you are.
450
00:22:21,110 --> 00:22:24,410
How many times did I tell you I could talk
to my boss and he would offer you a job?
451
00:22:24,490 --> 00:22:27,720
You and I, we’re supposed to be the Anna
and Elsa of the corporate assistant game.
452
00:22:27,750 --> 00:22:30,420
- From Frozen?
- Max, I need my Diet Sunkist, yeah?
453
00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:31,710
Five minutes ago, dummy.
454
00:22:31,790 --> 00:22:35,000
Of course you can have a playdate at
Julie’s house, sweetie. Go, shit-weasel!
455
00:22:35,090 --> 00:22:37,170
I’m on it, sir. He’s a sweetheart.
456
00:22:37,260 --> 00:22:40,800
But you’re not an assistant.
You’re a vice president.
457
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:42,510
- Not yet.
- You are though.
458
00:22:42,590 --> 00:22:43,890
Okay, I’m working there.
459
00:22:43,970 --> 00:22:47,430
Costigan assured me that within
three years and an attitude for gratitude,
460
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:48,430
I’ll be at the top.
461
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:52,100
I’m investing in myself.
See this watch? Guess how much that cost.
462
00:22:52,190 --> 00:22:53,770
[BOTH] $25,000.
463
00:22:53,860 --> 00:22:56,360
Good guess. Wow, you know quality.
464
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,900
I bought it cash. Well, one percent down.
The rest is on extended layaway.
465
00:22:59,990 --> 00:23:02,610
- [HORN HONKING]
- But it’s a Breitling. It’s so expensive.
466
00:23:02,700 --> 00:23:05,830
Don’t even know how to pronounce it.
Not too much.
467
00:23:05,910 --> 00:23:09,500
I don’t want to be too jacked, but I want
to be able to tell time with ease.
468
00:23:09,580 --> 00:23:11,620
Oh, my God.
469
00:23:13,380 --> 00:23:14,380
It’s her.
470
00:23:14,460 --> 00:23:15,920
That’s good! There you go!
471
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,800
- [GROWLS]
- All right, give me a natural one.
472
00:23:19,380 --> 00:23:21,050
Cheese!
473
00:23:21,130 --> 00:23:24,090
You guys are gonna love these
in 30 years. Oh, yeah. Classic.
474
00:23:24,180 --> 00:23:26,050
- Hey! Hey!
- There we go.
475
00:23:26,140 --> 00:23:28,060
Uh, no. Reception’s that way, buddy.
476
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:29,890
No, you know me.
477
00:23:29,980 --> 00:23:32,520
- Nice try.
- I know that your name is Carrie.
478
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,650
You’re Avery’s best friend.
479
00:23:34,730 --> 00:23:37,320
It was just last night
I was puking in the bathroom.
480
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,690
I almost passed out in your truck.
That truck right there.
481
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:43,160
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, Noah, what are you doing?
482
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:44,990
- She’s being weird, man.
- I’m so sorry.
483
00:23:45,070 --> 00:23:47,950
You have to excuse my friend.
He gets weird when he’s hitting on chicks.
484
00:23:48,030 --> 00:23:50,410
Wait. Don’t I know you?
485
00:23:51,540 --> 00:23:53,380
From Instagram!
What’s your handle? It’s, um...
486
00:23:53,460 --> 00:23:55,380
- @CarrieGoFYourself.
- Great.
487
00:23:55,460 --> 00:23:58,040
- Mmm.
- No, no, you guys know each other.
488
00:23:58,130 --> 00:24:00,960
It was last night.
We hung out at the piano bar.
489
00:24:01,050 --> 00:24:03,090
Right after Avery’s engagement par...
490
00:24:03,180 --> 00:24:04,180
You guys...
491
00:24:05,300 --> 00:24:09,470
I feel like I’m going crazy right now.
Like, what’s happening? Am I crazy?
492
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,680
- Seriously, dude, she said get lost.
- What?
493
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,520
Okay, weirdo? This is my day.
494
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:16,610
- [CARRIE] I said get lost.
- Wait a second.
495
00:24:16,690 --> 00:24:19,940
If you don’t know me
and you don’t know her,
496
00:24:20,030 --> 00:24:21,400
that means that last night...
497
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:23,740
just... just didn’t happen.
498
00:24:23,820 --> 00:24:26,990
Which means that...
that tonight didn’t happen.
499
00:24:27,070 --> 00:24:29,370
So I still have a chance to meet her
before she meets him.
500
00:24:29,450 --> 00:24:31,080
And then all that means
501
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:34,460
is that I just traveled back in time!
502
00:24:34,540 --> 00:24:36,170
Okay, Noah, seriously, stop.
503
00:24:36,250 --> 00:24:39,290
- Don’t do this. You sniffing paint?
- Okay, no.
504
00:24:39,380 --> 00:24:43,420
Listen, I’ll explain it later to everyone.
I’m gonna tell everybody about this.
505
00:24:43,510 --> 00:24:46,050
But right now I have someone to meet.
506
00:24:46,130 --> 00:24:48,260
- I’ll talk to you soon.
- Wait, what do you...?
507
00:24:48,350 --> 00:24:49,890
[LAUGHS] Oh, my gosh.
508
00:24:51,350 --> 00:24:55,060
What an animal, that one, right? I’m Max.
We can talk about it all over dinner.
509
00:24:55,140 --> 00:24:56,900
- Piss off.
- Okay.
510
00:24:56,980 --> 00:25:00,020
I’ll DM you later, CarrieGoFYourself.
[LAUGHS]
511
00:25:00,110 --> 00:25:03,780
My apologies.
Give me a natural look. Just kidding.
512
00:25:03,860 --> 00:25:06,490
♪ I gotta get back in ti-i-ime ♪
513
00:25:06,570 --> 00:25:09,740
[VOCALIZING] Up top!
514
00:25:09,820 --> 00:25:12,410
Whoo! ♪ Back in time ♪
515
00:25:12,490 --> 00:25:14,500
[VOCALIZING CONTINUES]
516
00:25:14,580 --> 00:25:15,710
Whoo!
517
00:25:19,330 --> 00:25:21,040
♪ Gotta get back in time ♪
518
00:25:21,130 --> 00:25:23,170
What is the plan?
519
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,470
Not Garth. He is too cute.
520
00:25:27,050 --> 00:25:30,300
So what would Ethan wear?
521
00:25:31,970 --> 00:25:32,890
Mmm.
522
00:25:32,970 --> 00:25:35,480
Tonight calls for something
523
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:38,770
a little more... debonair.
524
00:25:39,940 --> 00:25:42,480
[POP ROCK SONG CONTINUES]
525
00:25:46,780 --> 00:25:49,700
- [PHONE BEEPS]
- Count Basie.
526
00:25:49,780 --> 00:25:51,780
[FEMALE VOICE ON PHONE]
Searching “Count Basie.”
527
00:25:51,870 --> 00:25:52,870
[PHONE BEEPS]
528
00:25:52,950 --> 00:25:56,500
- [DANCE SONG PLAYING]
- ♪ I’m sexy and I know it ♪
529
00:26:01,210 --> 00:26:04,590
Dottie Hinson!
If it isn’t the cutest catch...
530
00:26:04,670 --> 00:26:05,670
Nope.
531
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:08,170
I’m Angus Young. AC/DC.
532
00:26:09,050 --> 00:26:11,640
No? ♪ I been thunderstruck ♪
533
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:13,850
God! I feel like a damn dinosaur!
534
00:26:13,930 --> 00:26:15,430
Worst Halloween ever!
535
00:26:17,770 --> 00:26:19,690
Mistaken identity.
Thought you were someone else.
536
00:26:19,770 --> 00:26:22,520
[SONG CONTINUES]
537
00:26:23,060 --> 00:26:24,440
Oh.
538
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,820
Oh, God, it’s Carrie. Shit.
539
00:26:28,030 --> 00:26:30,660
Uh... Oh! Hey, Jell-O Shot Doctor!
540
00:26:30,740 --> 00:26:31,870
- Yo, hey, Doc!
- Hey.
541
00:26:31,950 --> 00:26:35,740
No, I’m good with that, thanks.
See that girl in the basketball jersey?
542
00:26:35,830 --> 00:26:38,500
She was like,
“I’m super into that doctor over there.”
543
00:26:38,580 --> 00:26:39,580
- Really?
- Yeah.
544
00:26:41,290 --> 00:26:43,460
Figures. I am on it!
545
00:26:44,210 --> 00:26:45,670
Okay.
546
00:26:47,090 --> 00:26:48,970
- [EXHALES]
- [SONG CONTINUES]
547
00:26:50,010 --> 00:26:51,630
- Hey!
- [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
548
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,430
Okay.
549
00:26:53,510 --> 00:26:55,760
- How are you?
- I’ll come back.
550
00:26:55,850 --> 00:26:56,970
- Okay.
- Yeah.
551
00:26:57,060 --> 00:26:59,020
No pressure here.
552
00:26:59,100 --> 00:27:02,150
Just use everything
that you’ve learned about her
553
00:27:02,230 --> 00:27:04,400
to make her fall in love with you.
554
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:07,110
You’re like a spy, Noah.
You’re like a love spy.
555
00:27:07,190 --> 00:27:11,320
You’re like a sophisticated, charming,
sexy, not-at-all-creepy,
556
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:12,820
international... Uh-oh.
557
00:27:12,910 --> 00:27:15,280
- Hey, watch it, buddy!
- Whoo!
558
00:27:15,370 --> 00:27:17,240
Hulk smash!
559
00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:19,750
You must be Dottie Hinson.
560
00:27:20,620 --> 00:27:21,620
Yeah.
561
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:24,580
Ashby.
562
00:27:24,670 --> 00:27:25,790
Noah Ashby.
563
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:28,670
So, what’s your favorite drink?
564
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:31,220
Mine is grapefruit juice
565
00:27:31,300 --> 00:27:34,510
with some vodka
and exactly three maraschino cherries.
566
00:27:34,590 --> 00:27:36,010
That’s my favorite drink too.
567
00:27:36,100 --> 00:27:37,640
- That’s insane.
- What?
568
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:40,100
It’s like we have some sort of...
569
00:27:40,180 --> 00:27:42,390
cosmic connection or something.
570
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,400
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- I guess that means something.
571
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,400
- I don’t know.
- [AVERY CHUCKLES]
572
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:49,940
You know, I forgot to ask you earlier,
where are you from?
573
00:27:50,030 --> 00:27:51,400
You forgot?
574
00:27:51,490 --> 00:27:52,610
Uh, yeah.
575
00:27:52,700 --> 00:27:54,740
I’m kind of from all over the place.
576
00:27:54,820 --> 00:27:56,620
- Kind of...
- An army brat? Yeah.
577
00:27:56,700 --> 00:27:59,450
I have such an appreciation
for the armed forces.
578
00:27:59,540 --> 00:28:01,410
How did you know I was gonna say that?
579
00:28:03,250 --> 00:28:05,500
Just because your... your demeanor.
580
00:28:05,580 --> 00:28:07,960
And you said that you move around a lot.
581
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:10,710
So... Oh, my God. Look at this guy.
582
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:12,760
Hipster Waldo over there.
583
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:17,220
Oh, my gosh, I think I know him.
His name is Patric.
584
00:28:17,300 --> 00:28:19,720
With no “K.” Yes.
585
00:28:19,810 --> 00:28:22,140
- Yes. You know him too?
- You know...
586
00:28:22,230 --> 00:28:23,690
Oh, my God. They’re gonna fall in.
587
00:28:24,770 --> 00:28:27,730
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, you were so spot on.
588
00:28:27,810 --> 00:28:29,570
Now they’re making out in the pool.
589
00:28:29,650 --> 00:28:31,230
- So tacky.
- I know, right?
590
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:34,610
I ran into him once at this benefit.
591
00:28:34,700 --> 00:28:37,120
Oh, which one? I put on benefits.
592
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:38,870
Which bene...? Um...
593
00:28:39,740 --> 00:28:42,330
It was a...
Well, which one was it? I go to so many.
594
00:28:42,410 --> 00:28:45,580
It was Kids Without... Toes.
595
00:28:45,670 --> 00:28:46,880
Which is a big one.
596
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:50,800
They say it’s the harelip
of our generation.
597
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:52,510
That’s so sad.
598
00:28:52,590 --> 00:28:55,300
These kids, they can’t walk very...
599
00:28:55,380 --> 00:28:57,890
’Cause they don’t have toes, so th-they...
600
00:28:57,970 --> 00:29:01,010
It’s like they have hooves and...
That’s not important.
601
00:29:01,100 --> 00:29:04,680
What is important was,
this guy cornered me about sea turtles.
602
00:29:04,770 --> 00:29:06,190
Sea turtles! Yes!
603
00:29:06,270 --> 00:29:09,150
I was like, “Dude, I get it.
604
00:29:09,230 --> 00:29:10,990
They are our most elegant
oceanic guardians.”
605
00:29:11,070 --> 00:29:13,610
But it’s not about turtles.
606
00:29:13,690 --> 00:29:15,650
It’s about the toes.
607
00:29:15,740 --> 00:29:19,530
Or the lack thereof, in this case.
It’s so sad. It’s so sad.
608
00:29:21,370 --> 00:29:23,510
How do you think tonight’s going?
It’s going pretty good, right?
609
00:29:23,540 --> 00:29:25,710
I feel a good connection here.
Do you like music?
610
00:29:25,790 --> 00:29:28,750
I mean, of course you do. You like
breathing, right? Let’s get out of here.
611
00:29:28,790 --> 00:29:31,210
[PIANO JAZZ PLAYING]
612
00:29:37,260 --> 00:29:40,300
You know, I’m thinking
you look like a Count Basie fan.
613
00:29:40,390 --> 00:29:42,720
Yeah, he’s my favorite.
How did you know that?
614
00:29:42,810 --> 00:29:45,310
I was just getting
Count Basie vibes from you.
615
00:29:45,390 --> 00:29:47,310
Uh-oh. What’s this hand about to do?
616
00:29:47,390 --> 00:29:49,400
- [PIANO INTRO]
- You know this one?
617
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:50,860
I love this song.
618
00:29:52,860 --> 00:29:55,990
You know his name
actually is William Basie?
619
00:29:56,070 --> 00:29:57,740
Born in Red Bank, New Jersey.
620
00:29:57,820 --> 00:30:02,490
Eventually won nine Grammys for hits such
as “Little Darlin’” and “Corner Pocket.”
621
00:30:02,580 --> 00:30:05,580
Of course, he did die
of pancreatic cancer in 1984.
622
00:30:05,660 --> 00:30:08,620
Those are just a few small facts,
in case you wanted to know.
623
00:30:08,710 --> 00:30:11,420
- You know a lot about Count Basie.
- Hey, I know my music history.
624
00:30:11,500 --> 00:30:14,000
[WHEEZING LAUGH]
625
00:30:14,090 --> 00:30:15,670
[AVERY] This is great!
626
00:30:16,670 --> 00:30:19,220
- [AVERY] These things are so much fun.
- Okay.
627
00:30:19,300 --> 00:30:21,280
- [AVERY] This is gonna be great.
- Ready for this?
628
00:30:21,300 --> 00:30:23,050
- Yes.
- Pose hard.
629
00:30:24,930 --> 00:30:26,890
Wow, you’re really good at this.
630
00:30:26,980 --> 00:30:30,230
- Have you done this before?
- I’m actually 100 percent self-taught.
631
00:30:31,150 --> 00:30:32,940
- Wow.
- Yeah. I’ve never even had a lesson.
632
00:30:33,020 --> 00:30:34,730
- Really?
- I’m a natural.
633
00:30:34,820 --> 00:30:37,110
- That’s amazing.
- Come on. This is the best part.
634
00:30:37,190 --> 00:30:38,030
Okay.
635
00:30:38,110 --> 00:30:39,570
[AVERY] That one is great.
636
00:30:39,650 --> 00:30:43,530
A lot of first-time photo booth couples
give off an obvious “cute” vibe.
637
00:30:43,620 --> 00:30:45,080
- Mm-hmm. Nope.
- Not us.
638
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:47,790
- Not us. We gave off a real, authentic...
- [PHONE CHIMES]
639
00:30:47,870 --> 00:30:50,250
- Sort of natural thing we have between us.
- Oh, sorry.
640
00:30:51,500 --> 00:30:52,980
Drunken text from my roommate Carrie.
641
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:56,550
She says, “Ugh. Made out with Dr. Douche
and puked from too many Jell-O shots.
642
00:30:56,630 --> 00:31:00,720
Home in two minutes
to come cry in your lap.” Bad night.
643
00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:02,680
- She’s coming here right now?
- Mm-hmm.
644
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:06,350
Okay, uh, I should... I should actually...
I’m gonna get going, ’cause I’m...
645
00:31:06,430 --> 00:31:08,390
Really? She’s gonna be here
in two seconds.
646
00:31:08,470 --> 00:31:11,190
Okay, uh, do you have
a back door or anything?
647
00:31:11,270 --> 00:31:13,810
I almost forgot.
How do you think tonight went?
648
00:31:13,900 --> 00:31:15,900
If tomorrow you were to meet a tall,
649
00:31:15,980 --> 00:31:18,740
conventionally good-looking,
successful guy,
650
00:31:18,820 --> 00:31:23,030
would this awesome connection we have
still be what you’re most excited about?
651
00:31:23,990 --> 00:31:26,030
- Sorry. What?
- It doesn’t matter.
652
00:31:31,500 --> 00:31:34,380
[SIGHS] Avery, you should
put a sock on the door.
653
00:31:36,130 --> 00:31:38,420
- I know you.
- [NOAH] Mm-mmm.
654
00:31:38,500 --> 00:31:40,920
- I know you.
- I don’t know you. You’re a stranger.
655
00:31:41,010 --> 00:31:43,760
No, you’re the freak
at my wedding shoot today.
656
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:45,550
- Mm-mmm.
- You two know each other?
657
00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:50,220
It’s getting late,
and I feel that alcohol is an issue here.
658
00:31:50,310 --> 00:31:51,310
This one seems...
659
00:31:51,390 --> 00:31:53,520
This is the psycho
I was telling you about!
660
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,520
The one who knew me,
said he was at our house,
661
00:31:55,610 --> 00:31:57,610
claimed to be some sort of
time-traveling nomad
662
00:31:57,690 --> 00:31:59,490
and spent last night
in the back of my Bronco.
663
00:31:59,570 --> 00:32:01,320
- Seems like she’s a little...
- [GASPS]
664
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,030
You didn’t guess I was an army brat.
You already knew that.
665
00:32:04,110 --> 00:32:06,410
- Because you’re a stalker!
- A stalker?
666
00:32:06,490 --> 00:32:07,870
- I knew it!
- I’m not a stalker.
667
00:32:07,950 --> 00:32:09,490
I’m wearing a tuxedo.
668
00:32:09,580 --> 00:32:12,410
Stalkers wear, like, trench coats
and no underwear.
669
00:32:12,500 --> 00:32:15,170
And I am clearly wearing underwear. Look.
670
00:32:15,250 --> 00:32:17,590
- Oh, my God! Get out!
- Rape! Rape!
671
00:32:17,670 --> 00:32:20,420
Rape? Why would you say rape? It’s not r...
672
00:32:20,510 --> 00:32:22,720
- Carrie!
- What we have tonight...
673
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:23,800
that was cosmic, right?
674
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:26,180
Don’t touch her, asshole!
675
00:32:26,260 --> 00:32:27,890
- “Don’t touch her asshole”?
- [GRUNTS]
676
00:32:27,970 --> 00:32:31,930
[SCREAMS] Yes, Carrie! Hit him! Hit him!
677
00:32:32,020 --> 00:32:33,730
- [NOAH GROANING]
- Hit him harder!
678
00:32:33,810 --> 00:32:36,350
Hit him in the balls! Hit him in the dick!
679
00:32:39,150 --> 00:32:41,030
[SIGHS]
680
00:32:42,030 --> 00:32:44,200
Oh, my God.
681
00:32:46,410 --> 00:32:47,620
Oh.
682
00:32:59,170 --> 00:33:01,170
[PHONE CHIMES]
683
00:33:13,140 --> 00:33:14,430
Whoo.
684
00:33:15,230 --> 00:33:18,310
Oh, looks like today’s apology day.
685
00:33:24,820 --> 00:33:26,070
[ETHAN] One sec!
686
00:33:28,030 --> 00:33:30,160
- Hi. Can I help you?
- Hey, man, I just...
687
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:32,790
I wanted to come by
and apologize for me at the party.
688
00:33:32,870 --> 00:33:34,950
Oh, you’re here for the party. Uh, cool.
689
00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:37,370
Yeah. Come on in.
We’re still setting up, but, uh...
690
00:33:37,460 --> 00:33:39,540
- You’re having another party?
- Grab a drink.
691
00:33:39,630 --> 00:33:42,550
You must be one of Avery’s friends.
Avery, your first guest is here.
692
00:33:43,550 --> 00:33:47,300
So, you guys go to high school
together, or... Wait. Northwestern?
693
00:33:47,380 --> 00:33:49,220
- I’m coming.
- What?
694
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:51,970
Oh, my God.
695
00:33:52,060 --> 00:33:53,930
Hi.
696
00:33:54,020 --> 00:33:55,810
- Oh, my God.
- What?
697
00:33:55,890 --> 00:33:57,980
- [GASPS]
- You know what? I’m gonna go.
698
00:33:58,060 --> 00:34:00,020
- [SCREAMING]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
699
00:34:02,150 --> 00:34:03,730
[GROANING] It burns!
700
00:34:03,820 --> 00:34:06,690
- It’s him!
- [SHOUTING INCOHERENTLY]
701
00:34:06,780 --> 00:34:09,160
- It’s who? Who?
- Carrie!
702
00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:11,410
- It’s who?
- Oh, my God, he’s back!
703
00:34:11,490 --> 00:34:13,330
No, it’s a misunderstanding!
704
00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:16,160
[SCREAMS]
705
00:34:16,250 --> 00:34:18,370
Why do you keep hitting me with trees?
706
00:34:18,460 --> 00:34:21,750
That’s the guy from three years ago!
That’s the stalker from Halloween!
707
00:34:21,830 --> 00:34:23,210
That’s the stalker?
708
00:34:28,010 --> 00:34:31,430
You don’t understand.
We’re old friends, Ethan!
709
00:34:31,510 --> 00:34:33,220
How do you know my name?
710
00:34:33,300 --> 00:34:35,810
How do you know my name, stalker?
711
00:34:35,890 --> 00:34:38,180
You’re right. I am a stalker.
712
00:34:38,270 --> 00:34:41,150
A-And I’m crazy, and I’ve got a bomb.
713
00:34:41,230 --> 00:34:44,860
- He’s got a bomb.
- You’re right! I’ve got a bomb!
714
00:34:44,940 --> 00:34:46,320
I’ve got a bomb!
715
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,700
I-It’s fine. I’m sorry my bomb threat
ruined your magical evening.
716
00:34:49,780 --> 00:34:51,570
Have a great life.
717
00:34:53,700 --> 00:34:56,700
Yeah? You’d better come back
with more than a bomb next time, pal!
718
00:34:56,790 --> 00:34:59,120
Ethan! Less than a bomb.
719
00:34:59,210 --> 00:35:01,670
- Less than a bomb!
- [EXHALES]
720
00:35:09,470 --> 00:35:11,220
Okay.
721
00:35:11,300 --> 00:35:13,340
So, you woke up here.
722
00:35:13,430 --> 00:35:15,180
How did you get here?
723
00:35:17,140 --> 00:35:18,600
Look for clues.
724
00:35:23,770 --> 00:35:25,150
Okay.
725
00:35:27,230 --> 00:35:29,360
Peppermint patty. ChapStick.
726
00:35:32,490 --> 00:35:33,910
A receipt?
727
00:35:34,570 --> 00:35:36,870
For the peppermint patty
and the ChapStick.
728
00:35:36,950 --> 00:35:38,490
[POPS LIPS]
729
00:35:45,330 --> 00:35:46,500
Oh, my God.
730
00:35:47,590 --> 00:35:48,880
The photo booth.
731
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:51,010
[PIANO JAZZ PLAYING]
732
00:35:51,090 --> 00:35:52,550
- Oh, shit. Sorry.
- Dude!
733
00:35:53,720 --> 00:35:56,300
- What kind of car do you drive?
- An Impreza. Why?
734
00:35:56,390 --> 00:36:00,020
Yeah, that’s the one. It’s getting towed
right now, so you have time. Save it.
735
00:36:00,100 --> 00:36:01,850
That’s my mom’s car.
736
00:36:01,930 --> 00:36:03,690
Well, your mom has a sick whip.
737
00:36:04,690 --> 00:36:06,690
All right, come on.
738
00:36:06,770 --> 00:36:11,740
Come on. Take me.
Take me, take me, take me.
739
00:36:12,490 --> 00:36:14,320
[FLASH POPPING]
740
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:16,990
Take me, take me...
741
00:36:21,790 --> 00:36:24,120
Holy shit.
742
00:36:24,670 --> 00:36:27,380
Oh, I owned your ass,
space-time continuum.
743
00:36:27,460 --> 00:36:30,250
- I traveled through time.
- [BEEPING]
744
00:36:31,210 --> 00:36:32,590
- Max?
- [MAX] Yo. What up?
745
00:36:32,670 --> 00:36:34,090
Hey, what’s up, man?
746
00:36:34,180 --> 00:36:36,640
Uh, I know you got
a big date tonight, but...
747
00:36:37,470 --> 00:36:38,890
I need your help.
748
00:36:41,220 --> 00:36:44,310
Nope, that is not what I wanted to do.
749
00:36:44,390 --> 00:36:45,230
Hello?
750
00:36:45,310 --> 00:36:48,690
Yeah. Hey, sorry. I don’t know why
I hung up, but I do need your help.
751
00:36:48,770 --> 00:36:51,030
Uh, there’s this girl.
Her name’s Avery, and...
752
00:36:52,570 --> 00:36:55,490
[SIGHS] We are already so late.
753
00:36:56,450 --> 00:36:59,160
What if she meets another guy
before I have a chance to get there?
754
00:36:59,240 --> 00:37:01,410
What are you talking about, bro?
It’s gonna be fine.
755
00:37:01,490 --> 00:37:05,250
And listen, I’m the one who had to cancel
on Carla, JC Penney underwear model.
756
00:37:05,330 --> 00:37:07,170
Intimates, bro. She’s got an old soul.
757
00:37:07,250 --> 00:37:10,590
Okay, dude, I’m serious.
You get more girls than any guy I know.
758
00:37:10,670 --> 00:37:12,840
- I need your help.
- You look good. Great start.
759
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:16,010
Well, thank you.
I appreciate you loaning me your shirt.
760
00:37:16,090 --> 00:37:18,720
But I don’t know, man. I have...
761
00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:21,850
I have leather strips in my armpits.
762
00:37:21,930 --> 00:37:23,430
- This isn’t me.
- Exactly.
763
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:25,600
’Cause Noah doesn’t get
that caliber of a girl.
764
00:37:25,690 --> 00:37:29,230
You gotta dress the part.
You gotta be ahead of the curve, bro.
765
00:37:29,310 --> 00:37:31,270
You gotta feel it. Look at me.
766
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:35,030
[LAUGHS]
767
00:37:35,110 --> 00:37:37,820
“Man, what’s up, girl?” Try that.
768
00:37:37,910 --> 00:37:41,870
So something’s funny off in the distance,
I squint, lick my lips and look at her?
769
00:37:41,950 --> 00:37:44,200
And you bring the attention back to her.
770
00:37:44,950 --> 00:37:46,500
This is stupid.
771
00:37:46,580 --> 00:37:49,540
- It’s great.
- [LAUGHS]
772
00:37:51,090 --> 00:37:53,460
[LAUGHING CONTINUES]
773
00:37:53,550 --> 00:37:56,090
- Are you doing a Joker impersonation?
- No, this is like...
774
00:37:56,170 --> 00:37:57,840
- It was good.
- That was... Okay.
775
00:37:57,930 --> 00:37:59,340
Did you think that was bad?
776
00:37:59,430 --> 00:38:01,350
I’ll do it one more time.
Follow what I do.
777
00:38:01,430 --> 00:38:03,680
[LAUGHS]
778
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:05,560
What’s up, girl?
779
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:08,140
[LAUGHS]
780
00:38:08,230 --> 00:38:09,980
[MOANS]
781
00:38:10,060 --> 00:38:12,480
- What’s up, girl?
- Um, w-we’ll work on that.
782
00:38:12,570 --> 00:38:15,650
YOU NEED A TRIPLE-A PLAN:
assertive, ambitious, asshole.
783
00:38:15,740 --> 00:38:18,740
There’s something about confidence
that a girl just loves.
784
00:38:18,820 --> 00:38:19,820
They smell it.
785
00:38:19,860 --> 00:38:21,870
Girls are attracted to guys
who know what they want
786
00:38:21,950 --> 00:38:24,160
and aren’t afraid to go for it,
which usually isn’t you.
787
00:38:24,240 --> 00:38:27,620
And I don’t like this part,
but if all else fails, be an asshole.
788
00:38:27,710 --> 00:38:30,790
- Be an asshole?
- Yeah. Not hard asshole. Soft asshole.
789
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:34,960
- I gotta be a soft asshole.
- Let me hear a soft asshole kind of dis.
790
00:38:35,500 --> 00:38:37,970
Your... Your goatee’s...
791
00:38:38,050 --> 00:38:40,130
It... It’s stupid. I’ve never liked it.
792
00:38:41,300 --> 00:38:42,390
Okay, wait. [CLEARS THROAT]
793
00:38:42,470 --> 00:38:45,430
You have beady little satanic eyes.
794
00:38:45,510 --> 00:38:49,140
Wow. That makes me doubt myself,
but in a sexy kind of way.
795
00:38:49,230 --> 00:38:52,940
’Cause girls can’t resist a guy
that makes ’em feel bad at first.
796
00:38:53,860 --> 00:38:55,980
- What are the three A’s?
- [SIGHS]
797
00:38:56,070 --> 00:38:58,610
Assertive, ambitious, asshole.
798
00:38:59,450 --> 00:39:00,570
Soft asshole.
799
00:39:00,650 --> 00:39:03,260
- Keep the shoulders down. Let’s do this.
- Triple-A. Always there.
800
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:04,510
- [HIP-HOP PLAYING]
- ♪ Let’s go ♪
801
00:39:04,530 --> 00:39:06,620
♪ Give it to me, baby
Do it how you do it, yeah ♪
802
00:39:06,700 --> 00:39:08,950
♪ It’s a party
We can do it like it’s New Year’s ♪
803
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:10,500
[MAX] Arr, matey. Hey.
804
00:39:10,580 --> 00:39:11,790
Don’t talk to him.
805
00:39:11,870 --> 00:39:13,830
- [SONG CONTINUES]
- [EXHALES]
806
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:16,090
[NOAH] No, she’s not in here.
807
00:39:16,170 --> 00:39:19,510
- I’m gonna go check outside again.
- No, no, no. You’re gonna stay here.
808
00:39:19,590 --> 00:39:23,640
Be cool. Don’t make it seem like you’re
chasing after her. Don’t be a stalker.
809
00:39:24,300 --> 00:39:26,220
[NOAH] Oh, shit. There she is.
810
00:39:26,310 --> 00:39:29,980
I was supposed to stop that drunk
Hulk asshole from bumping into her.
811
00:39:30,060 --> 00:39:32,020
I blew it. Great.
812
00:39:32,100 --> 00:39:34,940
It’s not over. Okay? Maxie steps in now.
813
00:39:35,020 --> 00:39:36,610
I’m gonna distract her friend,
814
00:39:36,690 --> 00:39:39,110
the basketball player
that doesn’t know how to swim.
815
00:39:39,190 --> 00:39:41,200
No, she’s a Dunkin’ Donut.
816
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:43,450
Oh! That’s good!
817
00:39:43,530 --> 00:39:44,910
Yeah, it’s pretty good.
818
00:39:44,990 --> 00:39:46,660
Anyways, look, engage your girl.
819
00:39:46,740 --> 00:39:49,040
Bring up her ex. Girls hate that.
820
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:50,580
Stay close.
821
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:55,210
Ooh! Can I talk to you privately
about something in private?
822
00:39:55,290 --> 00:39:58,380
- Uh, about what?
- We’re gonna get her a club soda first.
823
00:39:58,460 --> 00:40:01,380
And then I’ll talk to you
about the private stuff.
824
00:40:01,470 --> 00:40:02,470
That’s clever.
825
00:40:09,430 --> 00:40:11,020
Mmm!
826
00:40:11,100 --> 00:40:12,770
I like that jersey.
827
00:40:12,850 --> 00:40:15,060
And I am not afraid to tell you that.
828
00:40:15,150 --> 00:40:18,820
Yeah, I liked it a lot too
until the Hulk smashed it.
829
00:40:21,150 --> 00:40:23,530
- I think it looks really good.
- Thanks.
830
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,870
What, are you, like,
dressed as a tranny or something?
831
00:40:33,580 --> 00:40:36,420
No! No. I-It’s from a movie.
832
00:40:36,500 --> 00:40:38,460
That’s cute.
833
00:40:38,540 --> 00:40:41,590
Yeah, I don’t really dig costumes.
That’s why I kinda...
834
00:40:41,670 --> 00:40:45,300
You came as nothing,
which is really endearing.
835
00:40:46,140 --> 00:40:48,680
- Okay, bye.
- No! Wait, uh...
836
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:50,760
I’m gonna get you a drink. Okay?
837
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:56,350
- Two beers, please.
- Hey, this one? Total marathon.
838
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:59,150
But the stripper out front?
Sprint. My speed. Know what I’m sayin’?
839
00:40:59,230 --> 00:41:01,570
Yep. Okay, thank you very much,
Bill Cosby.
840
00:41:01,650 --> 00:41:05,360
But before you go, make her earn it.
Don’t just give it to her.
841
00:41:08,490 --> 00:41:10,580
Yo, what’s up? Me again.
842
00:41:10,660 --> 00:41:12,450
So, this’ll be fun.
843
00:41:12,540 --> 00:41:15,660
You tell me something about yourself,
and if I find it interesting...
844
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:19,840
Ding! I’m-a give you a beer.
845
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:22,960
- What?
- Are you deaf? You couldn’t hear that?
846
00:41:23,050 --> 00:41:25,630
You know, I think I figured out
who you are.
847
00:41:25,720 --> 00:41:27,340
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
848
00:41:27,430 --> 00:41:30,300
You are a giant,
human being-sized asshole.
849
00:41:30,390 --> 00:41:32,390
Thank you for the beer.
Have a great night.
850
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:38,690
Wait. Okay, wait.
851
00:41:38,770 --> 00:41:40,310
- Be back, girl.
- Mm-hmm.
852
00:41:42,780 --> 00:41:45,610
- Hey, where you going?
- Anywhere that you aren’t gonna be.
853
00:41:48,070 --> 00:41:51,200
Ew. I hate it when girls are this into me.
854
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:54,500
And please, do me a favor.
Don’t talk to me like your ex-boyfriend.
855
00:41:54,580 --> 00:41:55,790
I’m not.
856
00:41:55,870 --> 00:41:59,420
If he talked to me the way you’re talking
to me, I would punch him in the face.
857
00:41:59,500 --> 00:42:01,210
- You would?
- But you’re a total stranger.
858
00:42:01,290 --> 00:42:03,670
So I could probably kill you
and get away with it.
859
00:42:03,750 --> 00:42:06,050
- Go ahead. Shank me.
- God, I wish I could.
860
00:42:06,130 --> 00:42:07,220
- Do it.
- Okay, I will.
861
00:42:07,300 --> 00:42:08,760
- I don’t believe you.
- Okay.
862
00:42:09,130 --> 00:42:10,180
Whoa!
863
00:42:12,010 --> 00:42:13,760
[GUESTS LAUGHING]
864
00:42:13,850 --> 00:42:16,480
[GROANS] Great. Yep.
865
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,850
Yes, I’m fine. Thank you. How’d it feel?
866
00:42:18,940 --> 00:42:21,440
That felt really great, actually.
867
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,440
- Can you at least help me out?
- Fine.
868
00:42:24,230 --> 00:42:26,190
Here. Take my hand. I’ll help you...
869
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:28,280
- [SCREAMS]
- [GUESTS EXCLAIMING]
870
00:42:29,030 --> 00:42:31,280
- Oh, my God!
- Whoo!
871
00:42:31,370 --> 00:42:33,160
[AVERY] What the hell!
872
00:42:33,240 --> 00:42:35,410
Whoo. Whoo!
873
00:42:35,490 --> 00:42:38,460
- You dick!
- I’m the dick? How am I the dick?
874
00:42:38,540 --> 00:42:41,380
- You’re the one who pushed me in.
- You told me to push you in!
875
00:42:41,460 --> 00:42:44,710
I told you to shank me in the ribs
for emotional closure.
876
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:46,840
- You’re the worst.
- You’re the worst!
877
00:42:47,720 --> 00:42:50,090
- You’re the worst.
- No, you’re the worst.
878
00:42:53,390 --> 00:42:55,640
[GUESTS EXCLAIMING, CHEERING]
879
00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:01,190
Now we’re the people at the party
that make out in the pool.
880
00:43:01,270 --> 00:43:03,270
I don’t care.
881
00:43:04,730 --> 00:43:07,320
- [MOANING] You’re the worst.
- Okay, here we go.
882
00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:08,860
Okay. Yeah.
883
00:43:13,030 --> 00:43:15,870
You know what?
I’m gonna put a sock on the door.
884
00:43:15,950 --> 00:43:17,450
No, wait. Here, just...
885
00:43:19,620 --> 00:43:20,620
[GLASS SHATTERS]
886
00:43:21,790 --> 00:43:24,670
Here. Okay. Bedroom’s this way. Let’s go.
887
00:43:27,420 --> 00:43:29,720
Oh, not today, tree.
888
00:43:53,660 --> 00:43:55,450
Oh-ho!
889
00:43:55,530 --> 00:43:57,200
Oh, my God.
890
00:43:58,620 --> 00:44:00,200
Twice. Okay.
891
00:44:01,500 --> 00:44:02,790
Very good.
892
00:44:07,340 --> 00:44:09,420
- Mmm.
- What are you doing?
893
00:44:11,170 --> 00:44:12,680
Being the big spoon.
894
00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:18,390
Since when do we spoon?
895
00:44:19,970 --> 00:44:23,890
Since we started dating
and fell madly in love.
896
00:44:23,980 --> 00:44:25,980
[KISSING]
897
00:44:28,150 --> 00:44:31,400
What are you still doing here?
You hate sleeping over.
898
00:44:31,490 --> 00:44:33,280
Okay, what’s going on here?
899
00:44:33,950 --> 00:44:36,700
God, please.
You were not that drunk last night.
900
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:40,490
Remember? I texted you at midnight.
901
00:44:41,370 --> 00:44:43,790
Had a shit day at work
and my mother was harassing me
902
00:44:43,870 --> 00:44:46,000
about when I’m gonna finally find
a decent dude.
903
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:49,090
Which isn’t gonna happen
if you and I keep doing this shit.
904
00:44:50,090 --> 00:44:51,550
[SIGHS]
905
00:44:51,630 --> 00:44:55,180
If you weren’t so good at sex,
this would have ended a long time ago.
906
00:44:57,140 --> 00:44:58,680
Wait, what’s that?
907
00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:00,720
We’re good at sex with each...?
908
00:45:00,810 --> 00:45:03,310
Oh. Yeah. Okay, that’s cool.
909
00:45:03,390 --> 00:45:07,650
Okay, on the count of three, what is,
like, our favorite position, sexually?
910
00:45:07,730 --> 00:45:11,150
One, two, three.
911
00:45:11,230 --> 00:45:13,490
[WHISPERS] Is it doggie style?
912
00:45:13,570 --> 00:45:15,110
Is that our favorite?
913
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:18,820
Can you just get dressed? ’Cause I’m
busy today. You really can’t stay here.
914
00:45:18,910 --> 00:45:21,330
Yes, I will get dressed.
915
00:45:21,410 --> 00:45:25,160
But did you want to have
morning sex real quick?
916
00:45:25,250 --> 00:45:27,370
- Just to get the day started?
- Here.
917
00:45:27,460 --> 00:45:29,500
Don’t forget your, uh, leather pants.
918
00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:33,260
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
919
00:45:37,340 --> 00:45:40,220
Oh, my God.
920
00:45:40,300 --> 00:45:42,220
I went full asshole.
921
00:45:48,060 --> 00:45:49,060
[EXHALES]
922
00:45:49,150 --> 00:45:50,360
[DOOR OPENS]
923
00:45:51,150 --> 00:45:52,770
Oh, great, it’s you.
924
00:45:52,860 --> 00:45:54,570
Oh, great, you.
925
00:45:54,650 --> 00:45:56,490
What the hell is...? Hey, what’s up?
926
00:45:56,570 --> 00:45:58,110
Why are you...? Why’s he here?
927
00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:00,120
Hey, man. Uh, Noah, right? Yeah.
928
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:01,200
That’s right.
929
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:04,040
- Haven’t seen you around. How’s it going?
- Mm-hmm. It’s going...
930
00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:06,210
How does he...? How do you know Avery?
931
00:46:06,290 --> 00:46:09,120
Uh, we’re her friends,
which is more than you can say.
932
00:46:09,210 --> 00:46:11,970
Why don’t you take your frosted tips,
get on your “douche bag-mobile.”
933
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:13,000
We’d all appreciate it.
934
00:46:14,050 --> 00:46:15,710
[NOAH] Oh, my God.
935
00:46:16,340 --> 00:46:19,550
- That’s what I drive now?
- Oh, I see what he’s doing.
936
00:46:20,220 --> 00:46:21,050
Awesome.
937
00:46:21,140 --> 00:46:23,720
Sorry to keep you waiting. I’m ready.
Oh, thank you.
938
00:46:23,810 --> 00:46:27,940
What are we doing? We CrossFitting?
Pilates? Hot yoga? I’m down.
939
00:46:28,020 --> 00:46:31,690
Just a little park run today, actually.
That is, if Carrie can keep up.
940
00:46:31,770 --> 00:46:32,900
[LAUGHING]
941
00:46:32,980 --> 00:46:34,690
[LAUGHING]
942
00:46:34,780 --> 00:46:38,360
Yeah, if Carrie can... That’s... You are...
Ethan’s funny.
943
00:46:38,450 --> 00:46:41,990
You know, I was just actually saying
to a personal friend of mine
944
00:46:42,070 --> 00:46:44,330
that I don’t run in a park setting enough.
945
00:46:44,410 --> 00:46:45,540
So I’ll join you guys.
946
00:46:46,330 --> 00:46:47,410
Oh, okay.
947
00:46:47,500 --> 00:46:49,000
- Come on.
- All right. Whoo!
948
00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:51,830
Let’s go. Let’s go. A-let’s go.
949
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:53,540
Come on. All right.
950
00:46:55,090 --> 00:46:57,420
Uh... [CHUCKLES] Good one, Noah.
951
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:16,480
Oh, God. Oh.
These pants are not breathable.
952
00:47:16,570 --> 00:47:18,860
- [CARRIE LAUGHS]
- [AVERY] Ethan, you’re barely sweating.
953
00:47:18,940 --> 00:47:20,150
[SIGHS]
954
00:47:21,410 --> 00:47:24,830
Yo. Yo. Hey, Ethan.
955
00:47:24,910 --> 00:47:28,040
I’m thinking we should get
to know each other a little better, right?
956
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:29,870
You’re probably married with kids now?
957
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:32,420
Uh, single.
Actually, just got out of a relationship.
958
00:47:32,870 --> 00:47:34,750
You and Stacy broke up. I’m so sorry.
959
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:37,550
Man, she... she seemed like the one.
That’s too bad.
960
00:47:38,130 --> 00:47:39,260
[CHUCKLES]
961
00:47:39,340 --> 00:47:40,920
- [PANTING]
- Are you okay?
962
00:47:41,010 --> 00:47:43,220
We can slow down
or take a break if you need to.
963
00:47:43,300 --> 00:47:45,060
I don’t need a break.
You might need a break.
964
00:47:45,140 --> 00:47:48,430
In fact, I was thinking let’s...
let’s get physical! Yeah!
965
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:50,640
Okay. Diggin’ the energy. Let’s go.
966
00:47:50,730 --> 00:47:53,650
All right. Now we’re talking.
Let’s, uh, hurdle this thing.
967
00:47:54,230 --> 00:47:56,610
Whoo. Yeah. [GRUNTS]
968
00:47:56,690 --> 00:47:58,860
Good idea, Noah. Try some harder ones.
969
00:47:58,940 --> 00:48:01,030
We’re going harder.
We’re gonna do a harder one.
970
00:48:01,110 --> 00:48:02,990
Yeah, okay. All right!
971
00:48:03,070 --> 00:48:04,570
Watch the ankles.
972
00:48:04,660 --> 00:48:05,660
[AVERY] Okay.
973
00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:07,450
[CARRIE] Here we go. Whoo!
974
00:48:07,530 --> 00:48:08,830
[AVERY] Yeah.
975
00:48:08,910 --> 00:48:11,080
[GRUNTING] Aaah. Aaah!
976
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:13,670
- Quickly! Quickly! Quickly!
- [CARRIE] Right behind you.
977
00:48:13,750 --> 00:48:14,810
- [AVERY LAUGHS]
- [PANTING]
978
00:48:14,830 --> 00:48:17,380
[CARRIE] Ethan, you have so much energy.
979
00:48:17,460 --> 00:48:18,800
[GROANS]
980
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:21,170
- Stepping it up on this one.
- All right.
981
00:48:22,260 --> 00:48:24,010
- Whoo!
- Yep.
982
00:48:26,140 --> 00:48:27,550
Oh! [GRUNTS]
983
00:48:28,140 --> 00:48:29,720
Oh! [GROANS]
984
00:48:29,810 --> 00:48:31,480
Yeah. Oh, that hurt.
985
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:32,890
Oh, yeah.
986
00:48:32,980 --> 00:48:35,150
Oh, I think I’m gonna need
some face stitches.
987
00:48:35,650 --> 00:48:37,690
Are you sure?
Just looks like a little scrape.
988
00:48:37,770 --> 00:48:40,650
I-I feel like it’s...
it’s worse than just a scrape.
989
00:48:40,730 --> 00:48:44,450
I think you and Carrie should just
go ahead without me, and Avery and I...
990
00:48:44,530 --> 00:48:45,740
Actually, it’s not that bad.
991
00:48:45,820 --> 00:48:49,200
If you guys wanna keep going,
I have a first aid kit in my truck.
992
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:51,500
- I’ll make sure he doesn’t bleed out.
- Okay.
993
00:48:51,580 --> 00:48:53,160
Thanks, Carrie. Feel better, all right?
994
00:48:53,250 --> 00:48:54,870
- Yeah, feel better.
- Ice it.
995
00:48:55,750 --> 00:48:57,460
- Okay.
- Thank you.
996
00:48:57,540 --> 00:48:59,380
- Come on.
- [GRUNTS]
997
00:48:59,460 --> 00:49:01,670
Look. Look what’s happening. Right now.
998
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:05,180
She’s escaping with him, and she...
she hates me.
999
00:49:05,260 --> 00:49:06,840
She doesn’t “hate you” hate you.
1000
00:49:06,930 --> 00:49:08,970
You’re one of those guys
girls sleep with sometimes,
1001
00:49:09,010 --> 00:49:10,810
and as a result,
we wind up hating ourselves.
1002
00:49:10,890 --> 00:49:13,020
Okay. What can I do to change that?
1003
00:49:13,810 --> 00:49:15,850
You’re the guy
who strolls in for a quickie,
1004
00:49:15,940 --> 00:49:17,350
then you disappear for two months.
1005
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:19,020
What?
1006
00:49:19,110 --> 00:49:21,780
I have no control over any of this.
1007
00:49:21,860 --> 00:49:25,490
I make a decision, and then I wake up
three years later with the consequences.
1008
00:49:26,150 --> 00:49:27,430
Way to take responsibility, pal.
1009
00:49:28,620 --> 00:49:30,660
Oh, hey, look.
Look, look, look, look, look.
1010
00:49:30,740 --> 00:49:33,910
I’m just trying to be the type of guy
that Avery would want to be with.
1011
00:49:36,620 --> 00:49:38,330
Noah, if you’re screwing with me,
1012
00:49:38,420 --> 00:49:40,590
I will cut your nuts off
and wear them as earrings.
1013
00:49:40,670 --> 00:49:43,420
Carrie, I am being 100 percent real.
1014
00:49:44,340 --> 00:49:45,340
Candid.
1015
00:49:45,720 --> 00:49:47,300
[CHUCKLES] You look like shit.
1016
00:49:51,930 --> 00:49:54,220
So you’re saying
you’re in love with Avery?
1017
00:49:55,180 --> 00:49:56,730
No, dude, just no.
1018
00:49:57,560 --> 00:49:59,440
What do you mean, “No, just no”?
1019
00:50:00,150 --> 00:50:03,230
Okay, all due respect, I’m pretty sure
the closest you’ve been to love
1020
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:05,780
is taking photos of strangers at weddings.
1021
00:50:05,860 --> 00:50:08,240
Oh, yeah? Well, you drink coffee
with whipped cream in it,
1022
00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:10,240
so I can’t take
anything you say seriously.
1023
00:50:12,490 --> 00:50:14,080
It’s comforting me.
1024
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:16,960
And I know emotions don’t penetrate you,
1025
00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:19,080
so you wouldn’t understand how this feels.
1026
00:50:19,170 --> 00:50:21,540
It’s not like I’ve never had
my heart broken before.
1027
00:50:21,630 --> 00:50:23,250
Well, I have a hard time believing that,
1028
00:50:23,340 --> 00:50:26,210
because every time we’ve talked,
you’ve been pretty impenetrable.
1029
00:50:26,720 --> 00:50:27,630
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
1030
00:50:27,720 --> 00:50:30,340
Because this is easily
the longest conversation we’ve ever had.
1031
00:50:32,050 --> 00:50:33,680
Let’s just say I learned to...
1032
00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:34,970
What, move on?
1033
00:50:36,100 --> 00:50:37,560
Yeah. Something like that.
1034
00:50:37,640 --> 00:50:41,730
I mean, there has to be a way that
I could prove I’m as good as Ethan is.
1035
00:50:41,810 --> 00:50:43,400
Those two are just buds.
1036
00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:44,900
Right. Yeah, buds.
1037
00:50:44,980 --> 00:50:48,200
Because I’ve been love-blocking them
since the second we met.
1038
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:49,700
They’re like love magnets,
1039
00:50:49,780 --> 00:50:52,530
and no matter what happens,
they’re gonna smash into each other
1040
00:50:52,620 --> 00:50:54,830
over and over and over and over.
1041
00:50:54,910 --> 00:50:57,330
Okay, I get it.
You’re extremely threatened by Ethan.
1042
00:50:57,410 --> 00:50:58,710
He’s stable, he’s secure.
1043
00:50:58,790 --> 00:51:01,330
As long as I’ve known Avery,
she’s been driven,
1044
00:51:01,420 --> 00:51:04,590
but, yeah, she wants the home
with the white picket fence, family.
1045
00:51:04,670 --> 00:51:07,130
She’s a sucker for all that.
It’s not really my thing.
1046
00:51:07,210 --> 00:51:09,300
You’re absolutely right. Yes.
1047
00:51:09,970 --> 00:51:12,010
I have to be that guy.
1048
00:51:12,090 --> 00:51:14,930
It makes... It makes perfect sense.
1049
00:51:15,010 --> 00:51:16,970
She wants someone to build a future with,
1050
00:51:17,060 --> 00:51:19,270
and that’s what Ethan can give her
that I can’t.
1051
00:51:21,310 --> 00:51:22,310
Yet.
1052
00:51:24,150 --> 00:51:25,650
I could totally be that guy.
1053
00:51:25,730 --> 00:51:27,650
I went to business school,
for Christ’s sake.
1054
00:51:27,730 --> 00:51:28,780
[CLAPS]
1055
00:51:31,070 --> 00:51:33,570
Okay, Avery. You want something different?
1056
00:51:33,660 --> 00:51:36,790
I understand. Well, I’m about to be
the man of your dreams.
1057
00:51:41,290 --> 00:51:43,250
Come on. Let’s go.
1058
00:51:44,420 --> 00:51:45,630
I’m ready.
1059
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:51,760
[EXHALES]
1060
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:55,430
Okay.
1061
00:51:56,720 --> 00:51:58,310
Yes.
1062
00:51:58,390 --> 00:52:00,600
Oh, yeah. Uh-huh.
1063
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:04,560
Perfect.
1064
00:52:04,650 --> 00:52:05,650
Max?
1065
00:52:06,310 --> 00:52:07,900
I’m here for a job, my man.
1066
00:52:10,650 --> 00:52:11,820
You gorgeous son of a bitch.
1067
00:52:11,900 --> 00:52:13,320
- Get in here, bro.
- [LAUGHING]
1068
00:52:13,410 --> 00:52:16,580
Yes. I’m so proud of you.
I’ve been waiting for this so long.
1069
00:52:16,660 --> 00:52:18,740
Me and you are gonna run this place
together someday.
1070
00:52:18,830 --> 00:52:20,500
- I hope so.
- [COSTIGAN] Max.
1071
00:52:20,580 --> 00:52:22,540
Go get my lettuce cups already.
1072
00:52:22,620 --> 00:52:24,750
All right. Right away, sir.
1073
00:52:24,830 --> 00:52:26,670
Okay, no. You handle the mail.
1074
00:52:26,750 --> 00:52:29,710
Turn in my résumé.
I’ll go get the lettuce cups, okay?
1075
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:31,010
All right. Thanks, buddy.
1076
00:52:32,260 --> 00:52:34,510
Also, real quick. What are lettuce cups?
1077
00:52:34,590 --> 00:52:36,430
Uh, it’s lettuce
but in the shape of a cup.
1078
00:52:36,510 --> 00:52:37,720
Okay.
1079
00:52:37,800 --> 00:52:39,430
No, no Hulk smashing.
1080
00:52:39,510 --> 00:52:41,060
- Hulk smash.
- No more smashing.
1081
00:52:41,140 --> 00:52:43,440
Hulk sitting. That’s what Hulkie's doing.
1082
00:52:44,020 --> 00:52:47,190
Okay, let’s get this good stuff in ya.
1083
00:52:47,860 --> 00:52:52,030
Let’s get you hydrated before you barrel
into a crowd full of innocent strangers.
1084
00:52:52,110 --> 00:52:53,450
Okay? There you go.
1085
00:52:53,530 --> 00:52:55,450
- Hulk drink.
- Yes, Hulk drink.
1086
00:52:55,530 --> 00:52:57,320
Good Hulk. Doing good, Hulk.
1087
00:52:57,990 --> 00:53:01,620
There he is.
Best costume of the party award.
1088
00:53:01,700 --> 00:53:04,120
Angus Young? AC/DC?
1089
00:53:04,210 --> 00:53:07,170
You just made my night complete.
1090
00:53:07,250 --> 00:53:09,790
[LAUGHS] Thank you so much.
1091
00:53:10,550 --> 00:53:12,800
For those about to rock,
1092
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:14,760
we salute you.
1093
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:19,640
Thank you so much for this.
Best Halloween ever!
1094
00:53:19,720 --> 00:53:22,020
Yes, it is.
Oh, you’re still doing that walk.
1095
00:53:22,890 --> 00:53:24,100
Very good. Right?
1096
00:53:24,180 --> 00:53:26,940
So this is all anyone really wants, right?
1097
00:53:27,020 --> 00:53:29,610
Someone to support and take care of them.
1098
00:53:30,110 --> 00:53:33,400
Someone secure who’s also, like...
like a mythically nice person
1099
00:53:33,490 --> 00:53:35,900
to be the rock in their time of need.
1100
00:53:35,990 --> 00:53:36,820
Right?
1101
00:53:36,910 --> 00:53:39,110
There she is.
There’s that girl I was telling you about.
1102
00:53:44,370 --> 00:53:45,580
Dottie Hinson.
1103
00:53:45,660 --> 00:53:48,290
They’re calling your name. You’re on deck.
1104
00:53:48,380 --> 00:53:50,040
- Oh, am I?
- Mm-hmm.
1105
00:53:50,130 --> 00:53:53,800
You are a patriotic toddler?
1106
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:55,510
I am the American dream.
1107
00:53:55,590 --> 00:53:57,930
- [SNORING]
- [LAUGHING]
1108
00:53:58,720 --> 00:53:59,840
Are you?
1109
00:53:59,930 --> 00:54:01,510
- Okay. I like that.
- Hey.
1110
00:54:02,260 --> 00:54:05,560
Do you wanna hang out
and then get a house in the suburbs,
1111
00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:08,270
adopt a golden retriever,
have 2.8 kids together?
1112
00:54:08,350 --> 00:54:11,060
[CLICKS TONGUE] I mean, I do like dogs.
1113
00:54:11,150 --> 00:54:14,280
- Maybe we should get a drink first.
- That’s probably a good place to start.
1114
00:54:14,360 --> 00:54:15,190
Yeah.
1115
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:17,110
[PIANO PLAYING]
1116
00:54:22,530 --> 00:54:23,790
Excuse me.
1117
00:54:23,870 --> 00:54:25,910
- [NOAH] Garçon.
- Hey, Noah.
1118
00:54:26,410 --> 00:54:28,750
We’d like to order
your most expensive bottle of wine.
1119
00:54:28,830 --> 00:54:31,380
- Ooh, you’re fancy.
- Mm-hmm.
1120
00:54:31,460 --> 00:54:33,340
Noah, that’s a $500 bottle of wine, dude.
1121
00:54:37,300 --> 00:54:41,890
[STAMMERS] Then we would like your most
reasonably priced bottle of wine.
1122
00:54:41,970 --> 00:54:43,850
- [LAUGHS]
- So $95?
1123
00:54:47,140 --> 00:54:49,190
Yeah. Uh-huh. Yes.
1124
00:54:49,270 --> 00:54:51,400
- That’s perfect.
- Coming right up.
1125
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:53,480
[SIGHS] This is really nice.
1126
00:54:53,570 --> 00:54:56,320
- You just think this is “nice”?
- Yeah.
1127
00:54:56,400 --> 00:54:59,450
This is gonna be one of the best nights
of your life.
1128
00:54:59,530 --> 00:55:01,200
I can deal with best night of my life.
1129
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:03,450
And it’s starting right now.
1130
00:55:05,330 --> 00:55:06,830
[SONG ENDS]
1131
00:55:06,910 --> 00:55:08,040
[WOMAN] Whoo!
1132
00:55:08,120 --> 00:55:09,120
[MOUTHS] Thank you.
1133
00:55:09,210 --> 00:55:10,460
All right. That was good.
1134
00:55:11,960 --> 00:55:14,960
Right now we’re gonna dedicate
this next tune to my main man, Noah,
1135
00:55:15,050 --> 00:55:17,920
and his beautiful,
lovely new lady friend, Avery.
1136
00:55:19,550 --> 00:55:21,010
- How did he know your name?
- Noah.
1137
00:55:21,090 --> 00:55:24,100
- What did you do?
- We’re gonna miss you around here, bro.
1138
00:55:24,180 --> 00:55:26,850
This entire evening is dedicated to you.
1139
00:55:27,930 --> 00:55:30,100
[PIANO INTRO]
1140
00:55:30,190 --> 00:55:32,350
- You like Count Basie?
- I do. I love him.
1141
00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:35,650
Luckily,
that’s basically all that Danny knows.
1142
00:55:35,730 --> 00:55:39,530
So what did he mean when he said
that they’re gonna miss you?
1143
00:55:40,030 --> 00:55:42,530
- I used to work here.
- Oh, you did?
1144
00:55:42,610 --> 00:55:44,700
Yeah, that piano bench right there,
1145
00:55:44,780 --> 00:55:48,540
it’s still warm to the touch
from my butt cheeks.
1146
00:55:50,040 --> 00:55:52,710
I got a hot butt.
I don’t know if you know that or not.
1147
00:55:52,790 --> 00:55:55,130
- No, not yet.
- You check it out?
1148
00:55:55,210 --> 00:55:58,340
Why would you quit though?
This place is amazing.
1149
00:55:58,420 --> 00:56:01,670
I’m just taking
an extended leave of absence
1150
00:56:01,760 --> 00:56:03,800
to live a more grown-up life.
1151
00:56:03,890 --> 00:56:05,720
Oh. So, like, boring?
1152
00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:08,260
I’m wearing
a red, white and blue onesie right now.
1153
00:56:08,350 --> 00:56:11,680
Do I look like the kind of guy
that would aspire to live a boring life?
1154
00:56:13,140 --> 00:56:14,980
No. [LAUGHS]
1155
00:56:15,060 --> 00:56:16,270
Very not boring.
1156
00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:19,360
[PIANO CONTINUES]
1157
00:56:27,780 --> 00:56:29,790
[ALARM BEEPING]
1158
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:41,460
What the hell?
1159
00:56:43,380 --> 00:56:44,430
What?
1160
00:56:44,510 --> 00:56:45,800
What, am I fat?
1161
00:56:46,590 --> 00:56:49,180
I’m fat now. Great. I’m fat now.
1162
00:56:49,890 --> 00:56:51,220
Great, I’m fat!
1163
00:56:51,810 --> 00:56:53,600
This is all working out, isn’t it?
1164
00:56:57,940 --> 00:56:59,020
[CHUCKLES]
1165
00:57:00,650 --> 00:57:02,650
Ohh...
1166
00:57:04,240 --> 00:57:06,490
It’s comfort weight. [LAUGHS]
1167
00:57:12,540 --> 00:57:13,540
Oh!
1168
00:57:13,620 --> 00:57:16,460
Noah, you’re a boss.
1169
00:57:16,540 --> 00:57:18,210
You have arrived.
1170
00:57:19,130 --> 00:57:20,420
Hi, Mr. Noah.
1171
00:57:21,420 --> 00:57:23,670
Hey, babe, you’re up.
1172
00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:25,510
I’m way up. I am so up.
1173
00:57:25,590 --> 00:57:27,090
I missed you last night.
1174
00:57:27,180 --> 00:57:30,180
Oh, that is so, so good to hear.
1175
00:57:31,060 --> 00:57:32,180
Mmm.
1176
00:57:34,560 --> 00:57:36,940
- You want some breakfast?
- I would love some.
1177
00:57:37,020 --> 00:57:38,020
Okay.
1178
00:57:38,940 --> 00:57:40,190
Oh.
1179
00:57:40,270 --> 00:57:42,530
I love our house. It’s awesome.
1180
00:57:42,610 --> 00:57:45,200
It’s large, you know, yet kind of cozy.
1181
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:48,660
And obviously I’m wealthy, but this is
tastefully decorated. It’s not gaudy.
1182
00:57:48,740 --> 00:57:50,990
Are you okay? You’re acting weird.
1183
00:57:51,580 --> 00:57:53,410
Oh, I’m okay. I’ve never felt better.
1184
00:57:53,500 --> 00:57:55,500
[GASPS] Oh, I almost forgot.
1185
00:57:57,250 --> 00:57:59,920
Look what came
just in time for the party tonight.
1186
00:58:00,590 --> 00:58:01,590
Okay.
1187
00:58:03,760 --> 00:58:06,630
What do you think? Too cheesy?
1188
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:07,720
[SNICKERS]
1189
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:11,180
That is the most beautiful plate
I’ve ever seen.
1190
00:58:11,260 --> 00:58:14,270
I love it. You’re big-spooning me.
It’s perfect.
1191
00:58:14,350 --> 00:58:16,730
And I love the message too. “Forever”?
1192
00:58:16,810 --> 00:58:19,980
Oh, my God! Look at this ring!
1193
00:58:20,060 --> 00:58:22,070
Oh, what?
1194
00:58:22,570 --> 00:58:23,650
I’m, like...
1195
00:58:24,150 --> 00:58:25,740
I’m a rich dude.
1196
00:58:25,820 --> 00:58:28,320
- I know.
- Oh, I am good to you, huh?
1197
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:29,660
- Come in here.
- Okay.
1198
00:58:29,740 --> 00:58:31,370
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
1199
00:58:31,450 --> 00:58:33,910
Oh, come on. Mom! Dad!
1200
00:58:35,500 --> 00:58:37,910
Carrie. What are you doing here?
1201
00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:41,130
Well, I’m not trying to win house guest
of the year or anything,
1202
00:58:41,210 --> 00:58:43,420
but I did pick up your engagement photos
from the lab.
1203
00:58:43,500 --> 00:58:45,710
- Ooh.
- She’s a... You’re a house guest.
1204
00:58:45,800 --> 00:58:48,970
She lives here with us.
You’re our house guest. Okay.
1205
00:58:49,050 --> 00:58:50,050
Oh, well...
1206
00:58:51,220 --> 00:58:52,850
not for very long.
1207
00:58:52,930 --> 00:58:53,760
Okay.
1208
00:58:53,850 --> 00:58:56,980
I kind of have some really,
really exciting news.
1209
00:58:57,060 --> 00:58:59,560
Not to one-up you,
but my gallery showing was last night,
1210
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:03,020
and I sold my entire collection of photos.
1211
00:59:03,110 --> 00:59:04,570
- That is so exciting.
- Wow.
1212
00:59:04,650 --> 00:59:06,320
- Congratulations.
- That is huge.
1213
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:07,570
What will I do without you?
1214
00:59:07,650 --> 00:59:10,700
This house gets so creepy
when Noah’s traveling and I’m home alone.
1215
00:59:10,780 --> 00:59:12,990
[CHUCKLES] What? No.
1216
00:59:13,070 --> 00:59:14,830
No, it’s not creepy.
1217
00:59:14,910 --> 00:59:16,950
And no one’s gonna feel alone.
Not in this house.
1218
00:59:17,040 --> 00:59:19,710
You know what?
You could stay here as long as you want.
1219
00:59:19,790 --> 00:59:21,620
If it makes Avery happy,
it makes me happy.
1220
00:59:22,710 --> 00:59:25,710
Mmm! Goddamn, that coffee is good!
1221
00:59:29,630 --> 00:59:31,130
[CHORTLING]
1222
00:59:32,090 --> 00:59:34,930
Oh, my God.
1223
00:59:35,010 --> 00:59:36,100
[CAR ALARM CHIRPS]
1224
00:59:36,180 --> 00:59:38,930
This is my favorite car.
This is my, like, all-time fav...
1225
00:59:39,020 --> 00:59:41,310
Of course I would have this car.
It makes perfect sense.
1226
00:59:42,020 --> 00:59:43,270
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
1227
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:47,530
[ENGINE STARTS, REVS]
1228
00:59:47,610 --> 00:59:50,610
Uh-oh, that dog’s barkin’.
That dog is a-barkin’.
1229
00:59:50,700 --> 00:59:52,860
- [BARKING]
- Right.
1230
00:59:52,950 --> 00:59:55,280
So you’re gonna be home
on time today, right?
1231
00:59:55,370 --> 00:59:57,950
For the party? Of course. Yes.
I’m excited.
1232
00:59:58,040 --> 00:59:59,580
- This is a big deal for us.
- Yeah.
1233
01:00:00,250 --> 01:00:02,290
- Let’s make some memories. Right?
- [PHONE CHIMING]
1234
01:00:03,500 --> 01:00:05,340
Sorry about this. 7:30 in the morning.
1235
01:00:06,090 --> 01:00:07,630
Yeah, here. Don’t forget this one.
1236
01:00:07,710 --> 01:00:10,010
- You left it on your nightstand.
- I have two phones.
1237
01:00:10,090 --> 01:00:11,220
I know. [CLICKS TONGUE]
1238
01:00:11,300 --> 01:00:13,070
- [CHIMING CONTINUES]
- No, decli... All right.
1239
01:00:13,090 --> 01:00:14,890
- Now this one. Okay.
- Incoming call from...
1240
01:00:14,970 --> 01:00:16,430
- No, thanks.
- [PHONE CHIMES]
1241
01:00:16,510 --> 01:00:18,150
- Sorry. Uh...
- [CAR COMM SYSTEM BEEPING]
1242
01:00:18,180 --> 01:00:20,640
- Incoming call from work.
- No, I don’t wanna answer.
1243
01:00:21,730 --> 01:00:23,810
- Where’s the button to...
- Incoming call from work.
1244
01:00:23,900 --> 01:00:25,730
I don’t know how to... No, thank you.
1245
01:00:25,810 --> 01:00:28,270
- Incoming call from...
- Decline the call!
1246
01:00:31,860 --> 01:00:33,860
[WHISTLING]
1247
01:00:33,950 --> 01:00:37,450
[PHONES RINGING]
1248
01:00:40,790 --> 01:00:42,960
Hello? Anyone here?
1249
01:00:46,540 --> 01:00:48,130
Someone tell me where I sit?
1250
01:00:48,210 --> 01:00:49,840
[RINGING CONTINUES]
1251
01:00:51,630 --> 01:00:53,380
What the...? Okay.
1252
01:00:54,180 --> 01:00:56,800
- Hello?
- Surprise!
1253
01:00:56,890 --> 01:00:58,510
Congratulations, Noah.
1254
01:00:58,600 --> 01:01:00,600
Ever since your first day as an assistant,
1255
01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:03,310
no one has worked harder
or wanted it more.
1256
01:01:03,390 --> 01:01:04,980
Son, you’ve earned this.
1257
01:01:05,060 --> 01:01:07,150
- Earned what exactly?
- This.
1258
01:01:08,820 --> 01:01:12,110
Your new office,
Mr. Senior Vice President.
1259
01:01:12,190 --> 01:01:13,700
This is my office, huh?
1260
01:01:14,450 --> 01:01:18,320
Mr. Chun came from Shanghai
specifically to be here for this.
1261
01:01:19,410 --> 01:01:22,040
[IN MANDARIN] Congratulations, Mr. Ashby.
This is great news.
1262
01:01:24,410 --> 01:01:27,380
With our biggest accounts,
your success is our success.
1263
01:01:28,420 --> 01:01:29,790
It’s a ton of Chinese.
1264
01:01:33,050 --> 01:01:34,880
[IN MANDARIN] Thank you so much.
1265
01:01:36,300 --> 01:01:37,550
I speak Chinese?!
1266
01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:40,050
That’s so cool!
1267
01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:43,470
I don’t even know what I’m saying.
1268
01:01:44,350 --> 01:01:48,270
Well, according to most prognosticators,
1269
01:01:48,350 --> 01:01:52,610
with our large-cap portfolios
outperforming this bear market...
1270
01:01:52,690 --> 01:01:54,690
What is Mandarin for
“Get a room, you two”?
1271
01:01:54,780 --> 01:01:56,280
[LAUGHING]
1272
01:01:56,950 --> 01:02:01,280
...it should elicit fortuitous returns.
1273
01:02:01,370 --> 01:02:02,620
Absolutely right.
1274
01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:04,370
Whoo. [CHUCKLES]
1275
01:02:04,450 --> 01:02:07,580
Holy shit! I know some big ass words!
1276
01:02:07,670 --> 01:02:09,380
[LAUGHING]
1277
01:02:10,590 --> 01:02:13,840
I don’t know what you said.
Yes. You seem happy.
1278
01:02:13,920 --> 01:02:15,210
He’s so awesome!
1279
01:02:15,300 --> 01:02:17,010
So I’m happy. Is this kid great?
1280
01:02:17,090 --> 01:02:19,890
Let me give you a tour of the place,
Mr. Chun. Show you under the hood?
1281
01:02:19,930 --> 01:02:21,370
- All-star.
- [IN ENGLISH] Thank you.
1282
01:02:21,430 --> 01:02:22,970
Thanks a lot, Terrence.
1283
01:02:23,060 --> 01:02:26,430
Thanks a lot, Darryl. Bill.
I know your names. Big Jeff.
1284
01:02:26,520 --> 01:02:29,770
Little Tony. Hey, Claudette. Rob. Carl.
1285
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:32,440
- Thank you, Courtney.
- So great.
1286
01:02:32,900 --> 01:02:35,400
Sharon. She’s got a sick kid.
I feel bad for her.
1287
01:02:35,490 --> 01:02:37,650
I don’t know how I know that.
I know everyone’s name.
1288
01:02:37,740 --> 01:02:41,030
Max! What’s up, my man? Whoo. We did it.
1289
01:02:41,120 --> 01:02:43,530
Yeah, “we.” Did it. Yeah.
1290
01:02:43,620 --> 01:02:45,160
- Yes, we did.
- [CHUCKLES]
1291
01:02:45,240 --> 01:02:48,370
Do you mind if I steal you from the parade
and talk to you real quick?
1292
01:02:48,460 --> 01:02:50,080
Uh, yeah, sure. Come on.
1293
01:02:50,170 --> 01:02:51,790
Welcome to Noah’s lair.
1294
01:02:51,880 --> 01:02:54,130
Ooh, this is sweet, dude.
1295
01:02:55,130 --> 01:02:56,130
Whoa.
1296
01:02:59,010 --> 01:03:01,970
Look what we got here.
Mr. Senior Vice President.
1297
01:03:02,050 --> 01:03:03,640
- May I?
- You may.
1298
01:03:05,140 --> 01:03:07,350
- Ah.
- This is cool, right?
1299
01:03:07,430 --> 01:03:10,440
I... am accomplished.
1300
01:03:10,520 --> 01:03:12,150
- Yeah.
- It’s pretty incredible.
1301
01:03:12,230 --> 01:03:13,400
- Mm-hmm.
- That’s cool.
1302
01:03:15,650 --> 01:03:17,940
- Are you okay?
- Hey, do me a favor.
1303
01:03:18,030 --> 01:03:20,280
- Can you look at this on my back for me?
- Sure.
1304
01:03:20,360 --> 01:03:23,570
What am I looking for? That mole?
Yeah, I’d get that checked out.
1305
01:03:23,660 --> 01:03:25,870
No, look for the knife
you stabbed me in the back with
1306
01:03:25,950 --> 01:03:27,160
when you stole my promotion.
1307
01:03:27,250 --> 01:03:30,580
I’ve been busting my ass
for three years trying to get this.
1308
01:03:30,670 --> 01:03:33,170
This has been my plan, Noah. It’s my plan.
1309
01:03:34,210 --> 01:03:36,130
- What are you talking about?
- [CHUCKLES]
1310
01:03:36,210 --> 01:03:37,210
That’s good.
1311
01:03:37,300 --> 01:03:40,930
Play dumb and act like it wasn’t me
who got you a job here in the first place.
1312
01:03:41,010 --> 01:03:43,180
Me who doctored
your pathetic little résumé.
1313
01:03:43,260 --> 01:03:45,470
I literally begged Costigan
to hire you here.
1314
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:48,720
Okay. Then there has to be
something that I could do.
1315
01:03:48,810 --> 01:03:50,770
You know? I’m the senior VP.
1316
01:03:50,850 --> 01:03:52,480
- You’re my best friend...
- “Friend”?
1317
01:03:52,560 --> 01:03:54,560
[LAUGHS] No, no, no, no.
1318
01:03:54,650 --> 01:03:58,440
We haven’t been friends for years.
You used to be chill, really cool.
1319
01:03:58,530 --> 01:04:01,570
And then you turned into
a corporate ass-kissing piece of shit!
1320
01:04:01,650 --> 01:04:04,030
So we’re what? Enemies?
1321
01:04:05,240 --> 01:04:06,330
Fuck you.
1322
01:04:10,160 --> 01:04:11,660
Oh, uh, can I borrow your pen?
1323
01:04:11,750 --> 01:04:13,000
Yeah.
1324
01:04:17,250 --> 01:04:19,550
[CHUCKLES] I’ll leave you two.
1325
01:04:21,130 --> 01:04:22,220
I lied.
1326
01:04:31,430 --> 01:04:32,940
[PHONE RINGING]
1327
01:04:34,900 --> 01:04:35,900
Oh, my God.
1328
01:04:37,610 --> 01:04:39,230
It’s just from stress eating.
1329
01:04:42,530 --> 01:04:47,030
Oh. Um, sorry to bother you, sir,
but you shouldn’t be in here right now.
1330
01:04:47,120 --> 01:04:49,790
You’re 20 minutes late
for the meeting with the Avalon execs.
1331
01:04:50,450 --> 01:04:53,210
You know what? I think... [SMACKS LIPS]
1332
01:04:53,290 --> 01:04:56,130
I am gonna need an hour of personal time.
1333
01:04:56,210 --> 01:04:57,880
- Thank you.
- Uh, it’s...
1334
01:04:57,960 --> 01:04:59,210
[CHUCKLES] That’s impossible.
1335
01:04:59,300 --> 01:05:02,420
Closing this deal will pay for
your wedding and your honeymoon in Fiji.
1336
01:05:02,510 --> 01:05:04,380
I’m gonna go to Fiji with Avery?
1337
01:05:04,470 --> 01:05:07,510
That would be pretty awesome.
When will this meeting be over with?
1338
01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:08,760
- In an hour.
- Good.
1339
01:05:08,850 --> 01:05:11,870
- Then you have your flight to Charlotte.
- I’m going to North Carolina today?
1340
01:05:11,890 --> 01:05:13,940
You return late afternoon,
and then you prep for...
1341
01:05:14,020 --> 01:05:16,230
Just let me see that. What is this?
1342
01:05:16,310 --> 01:05:19,440
It says that I’m booked every day
for the next three months.
1343
01:05:19,520 --> 01:05:23,740
What if I bailed on that business trip
and took a very well-deserved half day?
1344
01:05:23,820 --> 01:05:27,870
Sir, no. You would be fired instantly.
Seriously, do not do that.
1345
01:05:27,950 --> 01:05:30,450
Remember Davis? He’s homeless now.
1346
01:05:30,530 --> 01:05:33,370
I drive by his tent
on the way to work every day.
1347
01:05:33,450 --> 01:05:37,960
It’s kind of cute. He’s got his dog
out there and everything, but... [LAUGHS]
1348
01:05:38,710 --> 01:05:41,500
Anyways, congrats on your engagement.
You’re a lucky man.
1349
01:05:41,590 --> 01:05:44,840
I’d like to go over a couple of quick
scheduling changes that you’ve got.
1350
01:05:44,920 --> 01:05:46,220
Omaha on the 15th...
1351
01:05:46,300 --> 01:05:48,300
[CHATTERING]
1352
01:05:49,470 --> 01:05:51,010
[CLASSICAL PIANO PLAYING]
1353
01:05:52,680 --> 01:05:54,180
I made it. I made it.
1354
01:05:54,270 --> 01:05:56,730
So, sorry I’m late.
Have you guys seen Avery?
1355
01:05:56,810 --> 01:05:58,520
Sorry I’m late. Have you seen...?
1356
01:05:58,600 --> 01:06:01,150
Those snacks look good,
but I can’t have any.
1357
01:06:01,230 --> 01:06:04,240
I’m putting myself on a diet.
Have you guys seen Avery at all?
1358
01:06:04,780 --> 01:06:06,990
Avery’s parents. Really nice to meet you.
1359
01:06:07,070 --> 01:06:08,070
- Meet us?
- Again.
1360
01:06:08,160 --> 01:06:11,330
Nice to... It’s good to see you.
Honestly, it’s good to see you.
1361
01:06:11,410 --> 01:06:14,080
Cousin Shannon.
Wow, you do look like Garth.
1362
01:06:14,160 --> 01:06:15,330
I could tell.
1363
01:06:15,410 --> 01:06:16,910
- Thank you.
- [APPLAUSE]
1364
01:06:18,460 --> 01:06:20,540
Wow. Okay.
1365
01:06:21,250 --> 01:06:26,300
Well, now that I have your attention,
if anyone has seen my beautiful fiancée,
1366
01:06:26,380 --> 01:06:31,260
please let her know that her presence
is requested at the piano,
1367
01:06:31,350 --> 01:06:33,260
where I would like to kick things off
1368
01:06:33,350 --> 01:06:36,140
with a song that I played for Avery
on the night we first met.
1369
01:06:36,230 --> 01:06:37,980
Ohhh.
1370
01:06:38,060 --> 01:06:39,730
I used to do this for a living.
1371
01:06:41,230 --> 01:06:46,240
♪ Well ♪
1372
01:06:46,320 --> 01:06:47,950
♪ Well, you make me wanna shout ♪
1373
01:06:48,030 --> 01:06:49,780
- [PLAYS WRONG NOTES]
- ♪ Shout ♪
1374
01:06:51,370 --> 01:06:54,120
That’s not how the song goes at all,
so let’s try that again.
1375
01:06:54,200 --> 01:06:56,330
Is the piano out of tune? Something...
1376
01:06:56,410 --> 01:06:59,290
All right. A-one more time! Hit it!
1377
01:06:59,790 --> 01:07:02,710
♪ Well ♪
1378
01:07:02,790 --> 01:07:04,210
♪ You know you make me wanna... ♪
1379
01:07:04,300 --> 01:07:06,010
- [PLAYS WRONG NOTES]
- ♪ You know ♪
1380
01:07:06,090 --> 01:07:07,170
♪ You know you... ♪
1381
01:07:07,260 --> 01:07:09,180
I, uh, must be rusty.
1382
01:07:09,260 --> 01:07:11,640
But, you know, the jet lag is kicking in.
1383
01:07:12,300 --> 01:07:16,270
As soon as Avery joins the duet,
I feel that I will have my groove back.
1384
01:07:16,350 --> 01:07:18,480
Has anyone seen Avery, by the way?
1385
01:07:19,270 --> 01:07:20,310
Hey, dude.
1386
01:07:21,100 --> 01:07:23,110
- That was beautiful.
- Thank you.
1387
01:07:23,190 --> 01:07:24,910
- I don’t believe when you say that.
- Good.
1388
01:07:24,980 --> 01:07:27,440
Been a while since I’ve played.
Have you seen Avery anywhere?
1389
01:07:27,530 --> 01:07:28,650
She’s with Ethan.
1390
01:07:29,360 --> 01:07:30,530
What?
1391
01:07:31,530 --> 01:07:33,370
Holy shit. What happened to him?
1392
01:07:33,450 --> 01:07:36,410
We think it might have been the taquitos.
Right, Ethan?
1393
01:07:37,200 --> 01:07:38,830
So what happened? [SIGHS]
1394
01:07:38,910 --> 01:07:42,170
Did your flight get delayed,
or did you hit traffic?
1395
01:07:42,250 --> 01:07:45,000
I am so sorry.
I truly tried to get here as fast as...
1396
01:07:45,090 --> 01:07:46,880
Okay, why is he here exactly?
1397
01:07:46,960 --> 01:07:48,960
I’m-I’m leaving anyway.
1398
01:07:49,050 --> 01:07:52,590
Um, don’t eat the taquitos
or seven-layer dip.
1399
01:07:52,680 --> 01:07:55,720
Poor thing, wait. You wanna lay down
on our bed for a minute?
1400
01:07:55,810 --> 01:07:58,430
I think he wants to probably lay down
in his own bed.
1401
01:07:58,520 --> 01:08:00,180
Here. Here you go, big guy.
1402
01:08:00,270 --> 01:08:02,520
We’ll get you some fresh air,
some Pepto chewables.
1403
01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:04,770
I have ’em in the glove compartment,
so I’ll take him.
1404
01:08:04,860 --> 01:08:08,070
Are you sure? But you just got here.
I’m sure everybody wants to say hi.
1405
01:08:08,150 --> 01:08:10,320
- Maybe Carrie can take him home.
- It’ll be quick.
1406
01:08:10,400 --> 01:08:12,740
- So... You look so good, by the way.
- Thank you.
1407
01:08:13,450 --> 01:08:15,990
- Thanks.
- I love you so much.
1408
01:08:24,380 --> 01:08:26,880
Okay. Let’s go ahead and get you home.
1409
01:08:27,630 --> 01:08:28,840
Forever.
1410
01:08:33,760 --> 01:08:35,510
Please don’t puke in my back seat.
1411
01:08:40,140 --> 01:08:41,140
Um...
1412
01:08:42,020 --> 01:08:43,520
Look, I’m sorry. I’m...
1413
01:08:43,600 --> 01:08:46,360
I mean,
those taquitos are a silent killer.
1414
01:08:46,440 --> 01:08:48,900
No. No, it wasn’t the taquitos.
1415
01:08:48,980 --> 01:08:51,780
- Was it the seven-layer dip?
- It was...
1416
01:08:52,280 --> 01:08:55,030
- Look, I made it up. Okay?
- Oh, did you?
1417
01:08:55,110 --> 01:08:57,490
Because I’m a liar, okay? I’m no good.
1418
01:08:57,580 --> 01:08:59,200
I even stole a plate.
1419
01:08:59,290 --> 01:09:01,370
What kind of asshole steals a plate?
1420
01:09:01,450 --> 01:09:04,330
A beautiful plate.
I’ve never stolen anything in my life.
1421
01:09:04,420 --> 01:09:09,210
I don’t know what’s come over me.
I’ve just become this... terrible person.
1422
01:09:09,300 --> 01:09:10,800
- You’re too nice.
- No.
1423
01:09:10,880 --> 01:09:12,260
If that makes sense.
1424
01:09:12,340 --> 01:09:14,130
Like, I, you know... Sometimes I’m like,
1425
01:09:14,220 --> 01:09:17,720
“Ah, Ethan. I don’t really like Ethan,
because he’s such a nice guy.”
1426
01:09:17,800 --> 01:09:19,260
No, I’m not. Okay?
1427
01:09:19,350 --> 01:09:22,140
I’ve been coveting thy neighbor’s wife
in my mind.
1428
01:09:22,680 --> 01:09:24,980
Hey, not cool!
1429
01:09:25,060 --> 01:09:28,190
It isn’t cool, and I would recommend
that you stop doing that.
1430
01:09:29,480 --> 01:09:31,650
I’m just gonna... I’m gonna tell you,
1431
01:09:31,730 --> 01:09:36,030
I might have told Avery
that I’m in love with her.
1432
01:09:36,110 --> 01:09:37,110
What? Oh!
1433
01:09:37,200 --> 01:09:38,570
[TIRES SCREECHING]
1434
01:09:38,660 --> 01:09:40,380
- [HORNS HONKING]
- Did you catch your nose?
1435
01:09:40,410 --> 01:09:42,660
Did you break your nose?
Is your face okay?
1436
01:09:43,410 --> 01:09:44,710
Look, I...
1437
01:09:44,790 --> 01:09:46,540
I deserved that.
1438
01:09:46,620 --> 01:09:48,330
Okay? I’m...
1439
01:09:48,420 --> 01:09:49,920
I’m sorry. I...
1440
01:09:50,960 --> 01:09:55,170
I know I have... I have no right
to say these things. I just...
1441
01:09:55,760 --> 01:09:57,760
Ever since I met her, I’ve felt like...
1442
01:09:58,260 --> 01:10:00,350
you know,
it should have been Avery and me,
1443
01:10:00,430 --> 01:10:03,100
and if I didn’t tell her,
she would never know.
1444
01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:04,680
I’m sorry.
1445
01:10:09,480 --> 01:10:11,320
What did she say when you told her?
1446
01:10:12,070 --> 01:10:14,070
She said she wished things were different.
1447
01:10:14,740 --> 01:10:15,990
[ETHAN SIGHS]
1448
01:10:20,780 --> 01:10:21,780
Noah...
1449
01:10:22,280 --> 01:10:24,290
do you mind if I just have a quick...
1450
01:10:25,080 --> 01:10:28,080
Just like a... just a quick nap?
1451
01:10:28,170 --> 01:10:31,000
Just a... [INHALES]
1452
01:10:31,090 --> 01:10:32,590
[EXHALES]
1453
01:10:38,090 --> 01:10:39,180
Yeah.
1454
01:10:40,180 --> 01:10:41,470
Go ahead, buddy.
1455
01:10:51,230 --> 01:10:52,770
I’m gonna regret this.
1456
01:10:55,570 --> 01:10:56,650
[CARRIE] There you are.
1457
01:10:57,360 --> 01:11:00,110
Avery texted you like ten times.
She went to bed worried.
1458
01:11:00,780 --> 01:11:02,780
Well, I’ve been driving around all night,
1459
01:11:02,870 --> 01:11:05,450
thinking about how I’ve ruined
all of our lives.
1460
01:11:05,540 --> 01:11:06,830
At least you kept it light.
1461
01:11:08,500 --> 01:11:10,290
Oh, are you okay?
1462
01:11:15,090 --> 01:11:16,670
Why doesn’t Avery love me?
1463
01:11:22,260 --> 01:11:24,260
You’ve known this whole time, haven’t you?
1464
01:11:27,520 --> 01:11:29,230
Why didn’t you say anything?
1465
01:11:30,230 --> 01:11:31,730
[SIGHS] Um...
1466
01:11:36,820 --> 01:11:39,190
Noah, I know she cares about you.
1467
01:11:40,280 --> 01:11:41,490
Deeply.
1468
01:11:42,780 --> 01:11:44,620
But, no, it’s...
1469
01:11:45,450 --> 01:11:46,700
it’s not love.
1470
01:11:46,790 --> 01:11:49,120
[EXHALES]
1471
01:11:49,200 --> 01:11:53,540
And she’ll probably do...
whatever she has to do to make it work.
1472
01:11:53,630 --> 01:11:57,300
I just think she doesn’t want to f-fail.
1473
01:11:59,720 --> 01:12:02,430
Hey, it’s not you. You’re a good guy.
1474
01:12:03,430 --> 01:12:05,470
Sometimes relationships are about...
1475
01:12:06,970 --> 01:12:08,220
intangible things.
1476
01:12:08,310 --> 01:12:09,930
[LAUGHS]
1477
01:12:10,020 --> 01:12:11,850
Oh, yeah.
1478
01:12:13,690 --> 01:12:15,770
Yep. You’ve said that before.
1479
01:12:17,360 --> 01:12:18,360
I have?
1480
01:12:21,780 --> 01:12:23,910
- Kinda.
- [CHUCKLES]
1481
01:12:25,660 --> 01:12:27,240
I like it when we talk.
1482
01:12:28,700 --> 01:12:30,040
I like it when we talk.
1483
01:12:34,630 --> 01:12:36,130
- [CARRIE LAUGHS]
- But you’re right.
1484
01:12:36,210 --> 01:12:38,130
Avery deserves to be happy.
1485
01:12:38,210 --> 01:12:39,050
Yeah.
1486
01:12:39,130 --> 01:12:42,340
And she should be with the right guy,
1487
01:12:42,420 --> 01:12:44,340
even though that right guy isn’t me.
1488
01:12:45,180 --> 01:12:48,890
So I have to fix it.
I have to go back in time and fix it.
1489
01:12:48,970 --> 01:12:50,020
What? What?
1490
01:12:50,850 --> 01:12:51,910
- [SIGHS]
- Where you going?
1491
01:12:51,930 --> 01:12:53,020
To play Cupid.
1492
01:12:53,560 --> 01:12:54,560
What?
1493
01:12:55,060 --> 01:12:56,150
Okay.
1494
01:12:56,650 --> 01:12:57,730
Weird life, Noah.
1495
01:12:58,480 --> 01:13:00,520
- [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
- ♪ I’m sexy and I know it ♪
1496
01:13:02,780 --> 01:13:04,700
- [NOAH] Now...
- Where’s the emergency?
1497
01:13:04,780 --> 01:13:06,620
- It just looks like a party.
- Yeah.
1498
01:13:06,700 --> 01:13:08,910
It’s a... It’s a party emergency.
1499
01:13:09,370 --> 01:13:11,600
- Look, I know we just met.
- Technically, we didn’t meet.
1500
01:13:11,620 --> 01:13:13,960
You came banging on my door,
screaming you needed my help.
1501
01:13:14,040 --> 01:13:17,420
I do need your help, because tonight is
the first night of the rest of your life.
1502
01:13:17,500 --> 01:13:18,840
What?
1503
01:13:19,550 --> 01:13:21,130
[NOAH] Honestly, thank you for coming.
1504
01:13:21,210 --> 01:13:23,260
- This is gonna be great.
- What? Wait.
1505
01:13:23,340 --> 01:13:25,760
You stay right here,
and you’re gonna save the day.
1506
01:13:25,840 --> 01:13:27,850
- Okay? Easy. I’ll be back.
- What do you mean?
1507
01:13:27,930 --> 01:13:28,930
Okay?
1508
01:13:29,010 --> 01:13:31,310
- Whoo!
- Hey, watch it, buddy!
1509
01:13:32,930 --> 01:13:34,350
Whoo-hoo! Whoo!
1510
01:13:34,440 --> 01:13:37,020
- Hulk smash!
- [AVERY] Oh, my God.
1511
01:13:38,480 --> 01:13:39,690
- Hi.
- Hi.
1512
01:13:41,110 --> 01:13:42,730
Uh, wow, uh...
1513
01:13:42,820 --> 01:13:45,490
- Great costume.
- Yeah, it’s from A League of Their Own.
1514
01:13:45,570 --> 01:13:48,240
I actually haven’t seen the movie.
1515
01:13:48,320 --> 01:13:50,240
Yeah, I haven’t seen it either.
1516
01:13:50,330 --> 01:13:53,910
I needed a last-minute costume,
and my friend Carrie had it laying around.
1517
01:13:54,000 --> 01:13:55,680
Did you say it wasn’t your favorite movie?
1518
01:13:55,710 --> 01:13:58,420
- Who are you?
- This is Norm. He brought me here.
1519
01:13:58,500 --> 01:14:00,590
- Do you guys want a drink?
- No, it’s Noah.
1520
01:14:00,670 --> 01:14:02,710
And I think you guys should talk.
1521
01:14:02,800 --> 01:14:06,180
Honestly.
’Cause there is a connection here.
1522
01:14:06,260 --> 01:14:09,470
I’m gonna mingle. I love this song.
I love this party. So...
1523
01:14:10,260 --> 01:14:11,510
Whoo! [CHUCKLES]
1524
01:14:11,600 --> 01:14:14,640
I’ll get my own drink. You should
really see A League of Their Own.
1525
01:14:14,730 --> 01:14:16,690
I’m disappointed that you haven’t.
All right.
1526
01:14:16,770 --> 01:14:18,600
- [CHUCKLES] Thanks, Noah.
- [AVERY CHUCKLES]
1527
01:14:19,480 --> 01:14:20,520
[BOTH LAUGH]
1528
01:14:20,610 --> 01:14:23,110
- How long have you known each other?
- Uh, like eight minutes.
1529
01:14:23,190 --> 01:14:24,360
[LAUGHS] What?
1530
01:14:24,440 --> 01:14:27,110
- ♪ Ooh, you got it ♪
- ♪ Watch me ♪
1531
01:14:27,200 --> 01:14:28,320
♪ You got that good ♪
1532
01:14:28,410 --> 01:14:30,370
♪ Give it to me, give it to me
Hit me right now ♪
1533
01:14:30,450 --> 01:14:32,370
♪ Give it to me, give it to me
Hit me right now ♪
1534
01:14:32,450 --> 01:14:36,790
So let me guess. You are a Dunkin’ Donut?
1535
01:14:36,870 --> 01:14:39,120
- Two bucks for you, sir.
- Mmm.
1536
01:14:39,210 --> 01:14:42,420
Not one person at this party
has gotten that. You’re good.
1537
01:14:42,500 --> 01:14:43,800
- Thank you.
- You’re Cupid.
1538
01:14:43,880 --> 01:14:45,300
- Oh, good one.
- Mm-hmm.
1539
01:14:45,380 --> 01:14:46,220
Cheesy.
1540
01:14:46,300 --> 01:14:48,380
Well, at least I’m not that guy.
1541
01:14:48,470 --> 01:14:51,640
All right, I can guarantee this is
gonna be gross, and you get it first.
1542
01:14:54,010 --> 01:14:55,020
Hey, I’m Noah.
1543
01:14:55,770 --> 01:14:58,060
Carrie. Nice to meet you.
1544
01:15:01,650 --> 01:15:05,480
- Do you wanna do shots?
- Uh... yeah.
1545
01:15:05,570 --> 01:15:07,950
Uh... okay. Let’s go.
1546
01:15:08,030 --> 01:15:09,240
- [LAUGHS]
- Come on.
1547
01:15:11,660 --> 01:15:12,910
Comin’ in.
1548
01:15:12,990 --> 01:15:15,370
Here you go. One for you, one for me.
1549
01:15:15,450 --> 01:15:17,450
Aw! So cute.
1550
01:15:17,540 --> 01:15:19,540
- Thank you.
- Scored us the whole bottle.
1551
01:15:20,540 --> 01:15:23,000
- What made you come up to me?
- I don’t know.
1552
01:15:23,090 --> 01:15:25,500
I thought that you had a familiar face.
1553
01:15:26,380 --> 01:15:28,090
I’m wearing goggles.
You can’t even see me.
1554
01:15:28,170 --> 01:15:29,760
[GASPS] I love this song.
1555
01:15:30,760 --> 01:15:31,840
You wanna dance?
1556
01:15:32,590 --> 01:15:34,010
Uh... yeah.
1557
01:15:34,100 --> 01:15:35,760
You think you can handle all this?
1558
01:15:35,850 --> 01:15:38,430
- You think you can handle all of this?
- I can’t.
1559
01:15:38,520 --> 01:15:39,870
♪ Tonight’s gonna be a wild night ♪
1560
01:15:39,890 --> 01:15:41,200
♪ It’ll be the highlight moment
Of our life ♪
1561
01:15:41,230 --> 01:15:42,650
It’s a dance-off.
1562
01:15:42,730 --> 01:15:43,790
♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah ♪
1563
01:15:43,810 --> 01:15:45,520
♪ It’s okay to dance
Till the light’s out ♪
1564
01:15:45,610 --> 01:15:47,320
♪ All my friends
To the top we climbing ♪
1565
01:15:47,400 --> 01:15:49,570
♪ Hands in the air, everybody ready ♪
1566
01:15:49,650 --> 01:15:50,950
[LAUGHS]
1567
01:15:52,110 --> 01:15:54,700
- ♪ One wild night ♪
- [VOCALIZING]
1568
01:15:54,780 --> 01:15:58,540
- ♪ We’re so excited ♪
- [VOCALIZING]
1569
01:15:58,620 --> 01:16:02,420
- ♪ We’re all united ♪
- [VOCALIZING]
1570
01:16:02,500 --> 01:16:06,300
- ♪ It’s how we like it ♪
- [VOCALIZING]
1571
01:16:06,380 --> 01:16:08,340
- ♪ One wild night ♪
- ♪ One wild night ♪
1572
01:16:08,420 --> 01:16:10,880
[VOCALIZING]
1573
01:16:10,970 --> 01:16:12,300
♪ One wild night ♪
1574
01:16:12,380 --> 01:16:13,800
[VOCALIZING]
1575
01:16:13,890 --> 01:16:15,850
- ♪ One wild night ♪
- ♪ One wild night ♪
1576
01:16:15,930 --> 01:16:16,930
Sorry.
1577
01:16:18,430 --> 01:16:19,850
- Sorry.
- [LAUGHING]
1578
01:16:22,190 --> 01:16:24,270
[LAUGHING]
1579
01:16:24,350 --> 01:16:26,860
Looks like this party’s dead.
You wanna go somewhere else?
1580
01:16:28,070 --> 01:16:30,280
Yeah. I think I know a place.
1581
01:16:31,190 --> 01:16:33,450
Let’s go get Ethan and Avery. Should we?
1582
01:16:33,530 --> 01:16:35,450
- Let’s do it.
- Let’s do it!
1583
01:16:35,530 --> 01:16:38,540
[PIANO PLAYING]
1584
01:16:46,000 --> 01:16:47,790
- [AVERY LAUGHS]
- [ETHAN] It’s so bright.
1585
01:16:47,880 --> 01:16:48,880
[AVERY] It is.
1586
01:16:51,840 --> 01:16:53,050
[STOPS PLAYING]
1587
01:16:54,720 --> 01:16:57,720
I mean,
of course they’d be naturals at that.
1588
01:16:58,430 --> 01:17:00,640
They look good together.
1589
01:17:00,720 --> 01:17:01,730
[NOAH] They do.
1590
01:17:01,810 --> 01:17:02,930
[CARRIE] Cute.
1591
01:17:03,020 --> 01:17:04,350
That’s their first kiss.
1592
01:17:06,360 --> 01:17:09,610
[PLAYING PIANO]
1593
01:17:14,400 --> 01:17:15,820
You play piano.
1594
01:17:15,910 --> 01:17:18,700
I got honorable mention
in a talent show once.
1595
01:17:18,780 --> 01:17:19,950
Oh, really?
1596
01:17:20,580 --> 01:17:22,580
And you play Oscar Peterson.
1597
01:17:23,290 --> 01:17:25,670
Well, you don’t play OP. OP plays you.
1598
01:17:25,750 --> 01:17:27,670
That is true. That is true.
1599
01:17:29,670 --> 01:17:30,800
[CHUCKLES]
1600
01:17:33,840 --> 01:17:35,220
All right. Not bad for Cupid.
1601
01:17:38,430 --> 01:17:40,430
So did Avery get you into him or...?
1602
01:17:40,510 --> 01:17:43,890
Avery’s music knowledge
is 100 percent stolen from me.
1603
01:17:43,980 --> 01:17:47,400
If it were up to Avery, she’d be listening
to Jonas Brothers or Linkin Park.
1604
01:17:47,480 --> 01:17:49,190
[LAUGHS]
1605
01:17:49,270 --> 01:17:51,570
Peruse at your own will,
if you want to get schooled.
1606
01:17:51,650 --> 01:17:52,900
Okay.
1607
01:17:52,980 --> 01:17:54,490
- This is your playlist?
- Mm-hmm.
1608
01:17:54,570 --> 01:17:56,570
There are some deep cuts in here.
1609
01:17:58,160 --> 01:17:59,240
So you...
1610
01:17:59,870 --> 01:18:01,370
You’re the one that likes jazz.
1611
01:18:02,040 --> 01:18:03,120
Yes.
1612
01:18:04,620 --> 01:18:07,330
And you like A League of Their Own.
1613
01:18:07,420 --> 01:18:09,630
I hand-made her costume.
1614
01:18:11,380 --> 01:18:14,920
So the foosball table in your living room
is yours, not Avery’s.
1615
01:18:15,010 --> 01:18:17,300
How’d you know I had a foosball table
in my living room?
1616
01:18:20,220 --> 01:18:21,300
Avery.
1617
01:18:22,100 --> 01:18:23,350
She told me earlier.
1618
01:18:23,430 --> 01:18:24,810
- Candid.
- [CLICKS]
1619
01:18:26,560 --> 01:18:28,060
[LAUGHS]
1620
01:18:28,150 --> 01:18:30,770
Right. Um, I’m probably cross-eyed.
1621
01:18:31,270 --> 01:18:32,650
- Hmm.
- No?
1622
01:18:33,360 --> 01:18:35,190
That’s what I look like in my prom photo.
1623
01:18:36,110 --> 01:18:37,240
- Oh.
- I know.
1624
01:18:37,320 --> 01:18:39,530
Oh, my God! That is horrible!
1625
01:18:39,610 --> 01:18:41,700
You were actually worse than that.
You were this.
1626
01:18:41,780 --> 01:18:43,700
Wait. Cross-eyed and droopy. Huh?
1627
01:18:43,790 --> 01:18:44,830
[CHUCKLES] Oh.
1628
01:18:46,910 --> 01:18:48,870
I... I think you look good.
1629
01:18:51,880 --> 01:18:53,590
I’m really glad I came out tonight.
1630
01:18:54,300 --> 01:18:55,380
Yeah, me too.
1631
01:18:56,170 --> 01:18:57,760
I almost didn’t.
1632
01:18:57,840 --> 01:18:59,090
Why?
1633
01:18:59,180 --> 01:19:02,720
[SIGHS] Ah, I’m going through this, like,
really weird breakup.
1634
01:19:03,600 --> 01:19:07,140
I knew he’d be at the party,
and I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about him.
1635
01:19:07,230 --> 01:19:11,480
You know, you either want to strangle him,
make out with him, cry in the bathroom.
1636
01:19:13,610 --> 01:19:15,150
You... He was at the party?
1637
01:19:15,230 --> 01:19:16,230
Yeah.
1638
01:19:18,070 --> 01:19:20,910
Who was he? Was he the AC/DC guy?
1639
01:19:20,990 --> 01:19:22,530
No. No. But...
1640
01:19:22,620 --> 01:19:24,030
Was he Hulk smash?
1641
01:19:24,120 --> 01:19:26,790
[LAUGHS] No. I believe
you made fun of this guy though.
1642
01:19:26,870 --> 01:19:28,290
Jell-O Shot Doctor?
1643
01:19:28,370 --> 01:19:29,830
What?
1644
01:19:29,920 --> 01:19:31,750
I-I-I did not know that.
1645
01:19:32,250 --> 01:19:33,730
That’s all right. How would you know?
1646
01:19:33,790 --> 01:19:36,090
You ever keep spinning around
in the same relationship
1647
01:19:36,170 --> 01:19:37,850
over and over and it’s just going nowhere?
1648
01:19:38,760 --> 01:19:42,140
Yeah. Yeah, I’ve been
in that relationship before.
1649
01:19:44,510 --> 01:19:46,850
Hey! Guys, come take pictures with us!
1650
01:19:46,930 --> 01:19:48,430
- Nah.
- Mmm, yeah.
1651
01:19:48,520 --> 01:19:50,280
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Let’s do it. No, come on.
1652
01:19:50,310 --> 01:19:51,730
- Yep.
- Be a team player.
1653
01:19:51,810 --> 01:19:54,150
You’re wearing a jersey,
for Christ’s sake. Come on.
1654
01:19:57,780 --> 01:19:59,070
- [ETHAN] Get in here.
- Come on.
1655
01:19:59,150 --> 01:20:00,470
- [NOAH] Come on.
- [AVERY] Ready?
1656
01:20:00,530 --> 01:20:02,240
- We’re all very happy.
- Whoo!
1657
01:20:02,320 --> 01:20:04,200
- Okay, now we’re a little scared.
- [GASP]
1658
01:20:04,280 --> 01:20:05,530
Now Carrie just vomited.
1659
01:20:05,620 --> 01:20:06,620
- Ugh.
- [RETCHES]
1660
01:20:06,700 --> 01:20:07,540
[LAUGHING]
1661
01:20:07,620 --> 01:20:08,910
Now Carrie fell out of the...
1662
01:20:09,000 --> 01:20:10,620
- [LAUGHING]
- [SHRIEKS]
1663
01:20:10,710 --> 01:20:12,580
- Now we hurt Noah.
- Sorry, sorry. Oh, no!
1664
01:20:24,220 --> 01:20:25,430
[CLEARS THROAT]
1665
01:20:27,680 --> 01:20:29,020
[CLEARS THROAT]
1666
01:20:29,850 --> 01:20:31,350
Where the hell am I?
1667
01:20:32,350 --> 01:20:34,980
It’s 6:45 a.m. Rise and shine.
1668
01:20:36,020 --> 01:20:37,020
[SNIFFS]
1669
01:20:38,480 --> 01:20:42,360
Aaah! Whoo! On a scale of one to titties,
how epic was last night?
1670
01:20:43,240 --> 01:20:44,740
W-We’re friends, right?
1671
01:20:44,820 --> 01:20:46,740
What are you talking about?
We’re best friends.
1672
01:20:46,830 --> 01:20:49,370
I mean, technically,
you did go home solo yet again,
1673
01:20:49,450 --> 01:20:51,910
but what’s important is
we shared a kick-ass experience.
1674
01:20:52,000 --> 01:20:55,540
I brought home Haley, the dietitian.
Old soul.
1675
01:20:55,630 --> 01:20:56,750
Hey, where’s Avery?
1676
01:20:56,840 --> 01:20:58,960
Avery’s probably with Ethan.
1677
01:20:59,050 --> 01:21:01,170
- So they’re dating?
- Yep. Engaged.
1678
01:21:01,260 --> 01:21:02,760
So, um...
1679
01:21:03,720 --> 01:21:04,970
where’s Carrie?
1680
01:21:05,050 --> 01:21:06,640
Her friend?
1681
01:21:06,720 --> 01:21:09,310
Uh, I don’t know.
I haven’t seen her in a few years.
1682
01:21:09,390 --> 01:21:11,670
You said she got back with her ex
and fell off your radar.
1683
01:21:11,730 --> 01:21:13,130
What’s with all the questions, bro?
1684
01:21:13,690 --> 01:21:15,060
Jell-O Shot Doctor?
1685
01:21:16,310 --> 01:21:19,770
No, she says that they...
that-that she doesn’t like him.
1686
01:21:19,860 --> 01:21:21,860
- So that can’t...
- What’s wrong with you?
1687
01:21:22,530 --> 01:21:24,030
What are you talking about?
1688
01:21:24,110 --> 01:21:25,740
I’m talking about me and Carrie, Max.
1689
01:21:25,820 --> 01:21:27,570
I-I’m talking about fate.
1690
01:21:28,070 --> 01:21:29,780
Fate is a tricky lady.
1691
01:21:29,870 --> 01:21:32,250
When you try to figure her out,
you just get more confused.
1692
01:21:32,330 --> 01:21:36,080
All I know is the mistakes I’ve made
and the ladies I’ve laid
1693
01:21:36,170 --> 01:21:38,210
have made me who I am today.
1694
01:21:38,290 --> 01:21:41,090
If I were to go back and
relive it differently, I wouldn’t be me.
1695
01:21:41,170 --> 01:21:42,170
And I like me.
1696
01:21:42,260 --> 01:21:44,550
I thought things were supposed to happen
for a reason.
1697
01:21:44,630 --> 01:21:46,180
That’s what strippers and idiots say.
1698
01:21:46,260 --> 01:21:49,800
Things happen randomly
for no reason at all.
1699
01:21:49,890 --> 01:21:51,510
But they create opportunities, Noah.
1700
01:21:51,600 --> 01:21:54,560
And you learn from those opportunities,
even the missed ones.
1701
01:21:54,640 --> 01:21:57,770
The question is,
can you recognize that next opportunity
1702
01:21:57,850 --> 01:21:59,610
when it matters the most?
1703
01:22:01,190 --> 01:22:03,940
I’ve been watching these speeches online.
Really inspirational.
1704
01:22:04,030 --> 01:22:06,030
This kid, 15 years old.
1705
01:22:06,570 --> 01:22:08,160
Not a lot of subscribers, but...
1706
01:22:08,240 --> 01:22:09,660
- [DOOR OPENS]
- Noah!
1707
01:22:09,740 --> 01:22:11,950
I made us breakfast,
most important meal of the day!
1708
01:22:12,040 --> 01:22:13,080
- Gotta go!
- [DOOR CLOSES]
1709
01:22:25,970 --> 01:22:27,050
- Noah?
- Wow.
1710
01:22:27,130 --> 01:22:30,640
Hey, you just missed Avery and Ethan.
Everything okay?
1711
01:22:31,430 --> 01:22:33,430
Carrie, for the past three years,
1712
01:22:33,520 --> 01:22:36,270
I’ve been pining over
what I thought was destiny,
1713
01:22:36,350 --> 01:22:40,730
but no matter what I would do,
Ethan would end up connecting with Avery,
1714
01:22:40,810 --> 01:22:44,360
and I would always seem
to connect with you.
1715
01:22:44,440 --> 01:22:47,650
’Cause this whole time,
it was meant to be me and you.
1716
01:22:49,110 --> 01:22:50,110
Wasn’t it?
1717
01:22:54,790 --> 01:22:56,960
- What the hell are you doing?
- What do you mean?
1718
01:22:57,040 --> 01:22:58,920
- Jesus!
- Okay, I thought...
1719
01:22:59,580 --> 01:23:02,000
I thought this was the moment
that-that-that...
1720
01:23:02,090 --> 01:23:05,300
when our mutual feelings
would come together and...
1721
01:23:07,260 --> 01:23:08,380
blossom.
1722
01:23:08,470 --> 01:23:10,010
What are you talking about?
1723
01:23:10,090 --> 01:23:12,720
- We’ve barely hung out.
- That’s not true, exactly.
1724
01:23:12,800 --> 01:23:15,220
A long time ago, we met at that party.
1725
01:23:15,310 --> 01:23:18,640
We had a great time, I wound up getting
back together with my ex-boyfriend.
1726
01:23:18,730 --> 01:23:20,810
Yeah. Why did you do that?
1727
01:23:22,190 --> 01:23:23,650
What kind of question is that?
1728
01:23:23,730 --> 01:23:26,150
There’s been times when you’ve hated me,
1729
01:23:26,230 --> 01:23:28,780
and there’s been times
when you’ve hit me with trees.
1730
01:23:28,860 --> 01:23:31,070
And then there’s been times
1731
01:23:31,160 --> 01:23:33,910
when... you’ve been my only friend.
1732
01:23:34,950 --> 01:23:38,080
And there has to be one moment
over the past three years
1733
01:23:38,160 --> 01:23:39,660
where you thought about us.
1734
01:23:40,870 --> 01:23:41,880
And you wondered.
1735
01:23:44,380 --> 01:23:45,880
Okay, maybe.
1736
01:23:45,960 --> 01:23:48,380
But... I don’t know.
1737
01:23:48,970 --> 01:23:50,630
I’m getting ready for a date.
1738
01:23:50,720 --> 01:23:52,760
With who? Jell-O shot guy?
1739
01:23:52,840 --> 01:23:55,390
- His name is Phil.
- Phil is a stepdad name.
1740
01:23:55,470 --> 01:23:56,680
You ready?
1741
01:23:56,770 --> 01:23:58,140
What’s up, player? Phil.
1742
01:23:59,310 --> 01:24:01,190
Hey, Phil. Noah.
1743
01:24:01,270 --> 01:24:02,730
- All right. Two minutes?
- Yes.
1744
01:24:02,810 --> 01:24:04,060
[PHIL] Cool.
1745
01:24:08,900 --> 01:24:09,900
Well, are you happy?
1746
01:24:14,280 --> 01:24:16,370
You know what? We’re late.
1747
01:24:17,200 --> 01:24:20,210
Where you going? Hmm?
Avery and Ethan’s engagement party?
1748
01:24:20,290 --> 01:24:22,460
No, actually, that was last night.
1749
01:24:22,540 --> 01:24:24,580
No, it’s tonight. It’s supposed to be...
1750
01:24:25,710 --> 01:24:27,710
Oh, my God, of course.
1751
01:24:28,800 --> 01:24:31,720
I got Avery and Ethan together
one day earlier this time.
1752
01:24:31,800 --> 01:24:33,800
So... Shit!
1753
01:24:33,890 --> 01:24:35,220
- Oh!
- [PUNCHES HAND]
1754
01:24:35,300 --> 01:24:36,390
Goddamn time travel.
1755
01:24:37,180 --> 01:24:38,010
What?
1756
01:24:38,100 --> 01:24:39,220
You were right.
1757
01:24:39,310 --> 01:24:42,390
Relationships are about intangible things.
1758
01:24:43,270 --> 01:24:44,940
They’re about moments.
1759
01:24:45,020 --> 01:24:48,480
The real moments
and who you share them with.
1760
01:24:48,570 --> 01:24:51,950
And the realest moments
that I’ve had over the past three years
1761
01:24:52,030 --> 01:24:53,030
have been with you.
1762
01:24:54,700 --> 01:24:59,120
You know, I know you don’t understand,
but I’m gonna fix this. Okay?
1763
01:25:00,500 --> 01:25:03,580
I’m sorry. I... Bye, Noah.
1764
01:25:10,340 --> 01:25:12,970
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
1765
01:25:13,550 --> 01:25:15,220
Well, hey, hey, yo.
1766
01:25:15,300 --> 01:25:16,800
- Hey, Chad. What’s up?
- Hey, Noah.
1767
01:25:16,890 --> 01:25:19,100
- Where’s the photo booth?
- Uh, what photo booth?
1768
01:25:19,180 --> 01:25:20,220
That one.
1769
01:25:21,060 --> 01:25:23,180
- It’s right there.
- No, the one with, like...
1770
01:25:23,270 --> 01:25:25,950
- The mahogany, the wood and the...
- Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1771
01:25:25,980 --> 01:25:28,770
They got rid of it. A while back, man.
1772
01:25:28,860 --> 01:25:29,860
What?
1773
01:25:29,940 --> 01:25:32,280
- Sorry?
- No. [LAUGHS]
1774
01:25:32,360 --> 01:25:33,740
That-That can’t happen.
1775
01:25:33,820 --> 01:25:36,530
I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
1776
01:25:36,610 --> 01:25:37,530
I’m stuck here.
1777
01:25:37,620 --> 01:25:40,220
The girl I love is dating someone else.
Is that what you’re saying?
1778
01:25:40,240 --> 01:25:42,700
[CHUCKLES] Yeah. Story of my life.
1779
01:25:42,790 --> 01:25:46,120
No, it’s not the story of your life,
because you’re not a time traveler, Chad!
1780
01:25:49,210 --> 01:25:50,300
Can I get a drink?
1781
01:25:50,380 --> 01:25:53,260
Classic Noah. [GIGGLES]
1782
01:25:53,340 --> 01:25:55,470
[MALE VOICE] Welcome to Boogie Booth.
1783
01:25:55,550 --> 01:25:58,090
Three, two, one.
1784
01:25:59,350 --> 01:26:00,810
Get ready.
1785
01:26:00,890 --> 01:26:03,430
Three, two, one.
1786
01:26:04,020 --> 01:26:05,640
- [BURPS]
- You’re doing great.
1787
01:26:06,440 --> 01:26:08,440
- We’re almost done.
- Hey.
1788
01:26:09,560 --> 01:26:11,190
What are you doing in here?
1789
01:26:11,270 --> 01:26:16,610
Obviously,
I am taking a personal photo collage
1790
01:26:16,700 --> 01:26:17,860
of hopelessness.
1791
01:26:17,950 --> 01:26:19,700
Okay. [CHUCKLES]
1792
01:26:20,490 --> 01:26:22,260
- What are you doing here?
- What do you mean?
1793
01:26:22,290 --> 01:26:23,950
We came to see you play.
1794
01:26:24,040 --> 01:26:26,870
And you didn’t show up to our party
last night, so we were worried.
1795
01:26:26,960 --> 01:26:28,540
Hey, buddy. Yikes.
1796
01:26:28,630 --> 01:26:30,380
You need a water? I got you.
1797
01:26:30,460 --> 01:26:32,000
- No. Give me...
- Thanks, honey.
1798
01:26:34,710 --> 01:26:35,920
Come on.
1799
01:26:36,800 --> 01:26:38,520
- [SIGHS]
- What are you doing taking photos
1800
01:26:38,590 --> 01:26:40,050
in a piece of junk like this?
1801
01:26:40,720 --> 01:26:43,010
Well, it’s the only one they have, so...
1802
01:26:43,100 --> 01:26:45,640
Your photo booth at home
takes way better photos.
1803
01:26:45,730 --> 01:26:46,770
What?
1804
01:26:46,850 --> 01:26:48,060
Something happen to it?
1805
01:26:48,650 --> 01:26:51,560
Oh, my God. Do you have any idea
what I went through to get that thing?
1806
01:26:53,570 --> 01:26:55,570
- You got me the photo booth?
- Yeah.
1807
01:26:57,320 --> 01:26:59,450
- Why?
- Because we’re friends.
1808
01:27:02,740 --> 01:27:04,330
Oh, my God.
1809
01:27:05,250 --> 01:27:06,540
It...
1810
01:27:06,620 --> 01:27:09,460
It makes perfect sense. I need you.
1811
01:27:09,540 --> 01:27:10,630
What?
1812
01:27:10,710 --> 01:27:13,380
I need you in order to meet Carrie.
1813
01:27:13,460 --> 01:27:15,880
I was supposed to meet you
at the Halloween party,
1814
01:27:15,960 --> 01:27:18,030
and everything else was supposed
to happen after that.
1815
01:27:18,050 --> 01:27:20,300
Here. Got you a ginger ale.
1816
01:27:20,390 --> 01:27:22,600
Oh, you really are perfect.
1817
01:27:23,390 --> 01:27:25,770
[CHUCKLES] You guys are perfect together.
1818
01:27:25,850 --> 01:27:28,060
I gotta go back
and I have to do everything
1819
01:27:28,140 --> 01:27:30,850
exactly how I did it the first time,
and not change a thing.
1820
01:27:30,940 --> 01:27:33,690
Because everything
does happen for a reason. Right?
1821
01:27:33,770 --> 01:27:36,070
Or maybe it doesn’t.
Or maybe Max was right.
1822
01:27:36,150 --> 01:27:38,190
- Or maybe I’m just a stripper.
- What?
1823
01:27:38,280 --> 01:27:40,280
I love you.
I’ll see you at the engagement party.
1824
01:27:42,780 --> 01:27:44,450
[LAUGHS] Oh, my God.
1825
01:27:44,530 --> 01:27:48,200
- He knows it was last night, right?
- I don’t think so. He’s very drunk.
1826
01:27:54,540 --> 01:27:55,920
Oh!
1827
01:27:56,000 --> 01:27:58,510
Oh, my God.
1828
01:27:58,590 --> 01:28:00,470
You look so good in here!
1829
01:28:00,550 --> 01:28:01,550
[KISSES]
1830
01:28:02,050 --> 01:28:03,260
[SIGHS]
1831
01:28:08,430 --> 01:28:09,770
[CHUCKLES]
1832
01:28:12,230 --> 01:28:13,230
[COINS CLINKING]
1833
01:28:13,310 --> 01:28:15,520
One last time.
1834
01:28:28,490 --> 01:28:30,580
- Whoo! Hulk smash!
- Jesus.
1835
01:28:30,660 --> 01:28:31,660
Are you okay?
1836
01:28:37,460 --> 01:28:40,630
♪ Ooh ♪
1837
01:28:40,720 --> 01:28:43,340
- [WHIRRING]
- It’s the sound of history.
1838
01:28:45,090 --> 01:28:47,350
Wow. You really like Cookie Crisp.
1839
01:28:47,430 --> 01:28:49,970
I love it. You should get more.
1840
01:28:50,060 --> 01:28:53,230
Tomorrow. At 1:00 or whenever.
1841
01:28:54,230 --> 01:28:57,190
And don’t go to the store right down
the street. Go to the one on Third.
1842
01:28:57,270 --> 01:28:59,480
Wow, that’s very specific. Thank you.
1843
01:28:59,980 --> 01:29:03,110
Oh, my God,
it is so nice to have a good guy friend.
1844
01:29:03,700 --> 01:29:04,700
It is.
1845
01:29:07,780 --> 01:29:09,290
- Bye.
- Bye.
1846
01:29:12,790 --> 01:29:14,540
- Hey.
- Hey.
1847
01:29:20,960 --> 01:29:22,720
- Cheers!
- Cheers.
1848
01:29:22,800 --> 01:29:24,630
[APPLAUSE]
1849
01:29:24,720 --> 01:29:25,720
Cheers.
1850
01:29:27,970 --> 01:29:29,930
- [AVERY] Thank you. You too.
- [ETHAN] Thank you.
1851
01:29:30,850 --> 01:29:33,520
Hi. Oh, my God. [LAUGHS] How are you?
1852
01:29:36,810 --> 01:29:38,440
- [SHUTTER CLICKS]
- Candid.
1853
01:29:38,940 --> 01:29:41,690
Oh, Noah.
Hey, I haven’t seen you in forever.
1854
01:29:41,780 --> 01:29:46,950
It’s been a while, huh?
I’ve been, um... been traveling a lot.
1855
01:29:47,030 --> 01:29:48,030
Yeah? [CHUCKLES]
1856
01:29:48,120 --> 01:29:49,870
- Yeah.
- Cool.
1857
01:29:49,950 --> 01:29:52,040
You, uh... You look good.
1858
01:29:52,620 --> 01:29:54,120
Oh. Thank you.
1859
01:29:55,040 --> 01:29:56,040
You look good.
1860
01:29:56,540 --> 01:29:57,670
Thanks.
1861
01:29:57,750 --> 01:30:01,170
So, do you believe all that?
1862
01:30:01,250 --> 01:30:02,670
Believe what?
1863
01:30:02,760 --> 01:30:04,470
All that stuff about them
1864
01:30:04,550 --> 01:30:07,090
finding each other
and falling in love all in one night.
1865
01:30:07,180 --> 01:30:08,680
I don’t know.
1866
01:30:09,640 --> 01:30:12,220
I mean, normally I’d call bullshit, but...
1867
01:30:13,310 --> 01:30:15,390
some things are meant to be.
1868
01:30:17,310 --> 01:30:18,520
Yeah.
1869
01:30:22,150 --> 01:30:25,110
You know,
I know you probably have like a...
1870
01:30:25,190 --> 01:30:27,450
a photo shoot or something cool tomorrow.
1871
01:30:27,530 --> 01:30:30,870
But did you wanna go get
a drink or something?
1872
01:30:30,950 --> 01:30:32,160
Oh, you wanna ditch?
1873
01:30:32,240 --> 01:30:35,450
Yep, I wanna just leave
and not say goodbye to anyone.
1874
01:30:35,540 --> 01:30:37,540
Just disappear. Vanish.
1875
01:30:38,170 --> 01:30:40,630
I’m catching a vibe
that you also want to do that.
1876
01:30:41,210 --> 01:30:43,170
Are we shits for leaving early?
1877
01:30:43,250 --> 01:30:45,090
Uh... Mmm.
1878
01:30:45,760 --> 01:30:46,800
[LAUGHS]
1879
01:30:48,090 --> 01:30:50,970
Nah. They don’t need us anymore.
1880
01:30:53,010 --> 01:30:55,270
- You like jazz?
- No.
1881
01:30:55,770 --> 01:30:58,140
I’m kidding. I am jazz.
1882
01:30:59,310 --> 01:31:01,730
- Well, then come on. Let’s go.
- Yeah?
1883
01:31:02,730 --> 01:31:03,940
- [SHUTTER CLICKS]
- Candid.
1884
01:31:04,030 --> 01:31:06,030
No, that’s mine. That’s my thing.
1885
01:31:06,110 --> 01:31:08,200
Seems like it’s my thing now,
I’m holding the camera.
1886
01:31:08,280 --> 01:31:10,070
- No, that...
- [NOAH] Candid.
1887
01:31:10,160 --> 01:31:12,410
[CARRIE] Okay.
I’ve done that already. We’re good.
1888
01:31:12,490 --> 01:31:16,910
♪ You make me want you, babe ♪
1889
01:31:18,040 --> 01:31:20,170
- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ Hey, little girl, set my soul on fire ♪
1890
01:31:20,250 --> 01:31:22,630
♪ You’re the gasoline, my one desire ♪
1891
01:31:22,710 --> 01:31:27,630
- ♪ You make it worth the chase ♪
- [CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]
1892
01:31:27,720 --> 01:31:30,930
♪ I will follow you ♪
1893
01:31:31,010 --> 01:31:34,930
♪ To the end of the world ♪
1894
01:31:35,010 --> 01:31:37,770
♪ With you ♪
1895
01:31:37,850 --> 01:31:40,900
♪ I will follow you ♪
1896
01:31:40,980 --> 01:31:44,940
♪ To the end of the world ♪
1897
01:31:45,020 --> 01:31:46,730
♪ With you ♪
1898
01:31:46,820 --> 01:31:47,860
♪ Jump off the edge ♪
1899
01:31:47,940 --> 01:31:51,660
- [VOCALIZING]
- ♪ Hey ♪
1900
01:31:51,740 --> 01:31:52,740
♪ Jump off the edge ♪
1901
01:31:52,820 --> 01:31:57,950
[VOCALIZING]
1902
01:31:58,040 --> 01:32:02,380
♪ You caught my eye
Pretended to look away ♪
1903
01:32:02,460 --> 01:32:07,920
♪ I made up an excuse
’Cause I needed something to say ♪
1904
01:32:09,970 --> 01:32:12,050
♪ Hey, little girl
With the crooked smile ♪
1905
01:32:12,130 --> 01:32:14,720
♪ You got a love so warm
Make a heart run wild ♪
1906
01:32:14,800 --> 01:32:17,890
♪ You make me wanna stay ♪
1907
01:32:19,930 --> 01:32:22,100
- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ Hey, little girl, set my soul on fire ♪
1908
01:32:22,190 --> 01:32:24,480
♪ You’re the gasoline, my one desire ♪
1909
01:32:24,560 --> 01:32:28,230
♪ You make it worth the chase ♪
1910
01:32:29,860 --> 01:32:32,990
♪ I will follow you ♪
1911
01:32:33,070 --> 01:32:36,910
♪ To the end of the world ♪
1912
01:32:36,990 --> 01:32:39,160
♪ With you ♪
1913
01:32:39,750 --> 01:32:42,710
♪ I will follow you ♪
1914
01:32:42,790 --> 01:32:46,790
♪ To the end of the world ♪
1915
01:32:46,880 --> 01:32:48,630
♪ With you ♪
1916
01:32:48,710 --> 01:32:52,840
- ♪ Jump off the edge ♪
- [VOCALIZING]
1917
01:32:52,930 --> 01:32:54,590
♪ Hey ♪
1918
01:32:54,680 --> 01:32:58,390
[VOCALIZING]
1919
01:32:58,470 --> 01:33:02,560
- ♪ Jump off the edge ♪
- [VOCALIZING]
1920
01:33:02,640 --> 01:33:03,810
♪ Hey ♪