1
00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:38,747
(SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE)

2
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:45,239
(DOOR OPENING)

3
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:46,821
(SWITCH CLICKS)

4
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:54,359
MARTIN:
Anyway, to cut a long story short,

5
00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,589
I decided to kill myself.

6
00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,479
That's the trouble with
suicides, I've learnt.

7
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,479
You can't cut the long story short,

8
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:06,302
because it's the long story
that people are interested in.

9
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:07,919
Especially if you're me,

10
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,559
which, regrettably, I was

11
00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,839
and still am to this day.

12
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:17,719
So, forgive me if you already
knew this, but I'm Martin Sharp,

13
00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:19,319
the man who had everything.

14
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:23,639
One wife, two children, three dogs,
at least four People's Choice awards,

15
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:28,190
and five mornings a week on the most
successful breakfast show in Britain.

16
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,825
Huh, they were even
offering me Mondays off.

17
00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:34,346
So far, so good.

18
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:38,865
I had reached middle age
unscathed, with money in the bank.

19
00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:44,879
Until I met Susie Jenkins at a
launch for a new men's moisturiser.

20
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,479
- Happy New Year, mate.
- All I can say in my defence, Your Honour,

21
00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:50,062
is that she looked 25 to me.

22
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:51,901
But she wasn't.

23
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,839
Cue, in chronological order,

24
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:58,359
tabloid frenzy, a short
prison sentence, divorce,

25
00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:01,545
disgrace, demolition.

26
00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:04,149
(LIFT RECORDING) Doors closing.

27
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:07,399
MARTIN: New Year's Eve is
supposed to be a pause for breath,

28
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,319
a punctuation mark.

29
00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:11,999
Well, I had come to a full stop.

30
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,159
Really.

31
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:16,823
Why wouldn't I want to throw myself
off the top of a tall building?

32
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:47,545
(PANTING)

33
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,199
(PANTING)

34
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,145
(SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE)

35
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,263
Oh! Oh!

36
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:56,946
WOMAN: Excuse me.

37
00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,025
Excuse me.

38
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,319
Hi.

39
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:06,142
Um, I'm not entirely sure
how to phrase this, but...

40
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:08,986
Are you going to be long?

41
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,824
- What?
- I wasn't sure whether to wait my turn, or...

42
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,709
I hadn't considered the wire. I'd
really like to borrow your ladder.

43
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,719
Maybe I should just
wait. I'll wait.

44
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:20,999
Are you just going to
stand there and watch?

45
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:25,107
No. No, of course. You'll be wanting
to do it on your own, I'd imagine.

46
00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:26,999
You imagine right.

47
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,439
I'll go there.

48
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:30,941
All right.

49
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,509
I'll give you a
shout on the way down.

50
00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:38,621
Right.

51
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,621
Oh, jeez!

52
00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,500
(METAL CREAKING)

53
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,381
I can't.

54
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,666
Maybe you should go first.

55
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,270
I would want to be on my own.

56
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,829
- Completely.
- Understood.

57
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:13,830
Twenty minutes, then
I want my spot back.

58
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,839
- Right.
- OK.

59
00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:20,183
(SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)

60
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,391
- Ooh!
- Oh!

61
00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:38,500
(GASPS)

62
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:40,781
Maureen.

63
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,467
Martin.

64
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,661
Are you from...

65
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,879
- Oh, I... I recognise your face.
- Oh, do you?

66
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:53,039
Were you married to
someone in a pop group?

67
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:54,541
No.

68
00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:58,599
- Were you on TV?
- Maureen, perhaps this is not

69
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,590
the best time to talk about this.

70
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:02,741
(DOOR OPENING)

71
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:10,879
- Out of my way, fuckers!
- No, stop, stop!

72
00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,039
No! No!

73
00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:14,747
- Maureen, a bit of help?
- Who the fuck are you?

74
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:16,959
- What do you want me to do?
- MARTIN: Sit on her legs.

75
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,906
You're getting a thrill out of
this, aren't you, you pervert?

76
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,439
- Oh, my God.
- What?

77
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:25,559
You're Martin Sharp. You
are a pervert, officially!

78
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:29,199
That's it! Rise and Shine
with Martin and Penny! (GASPS)

79
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,668
- (MOBILE RINGING)
- JESS: Just let me go...

80
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:33,831
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

81
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,789
- No, just...
- Wait!

82
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,507
Hi.

83
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:45,781
Erm...

84
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:50,145
Any of you guys order a pizza?

85
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,148
Well, shall we do introductions?

86
00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:58,580
I'm Jess.

87
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,984
Everyone calls me Jess.

88
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:04,509
I... I'm Maureen.

89
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,279
- I'm, uh... I'm JJ.
- I'm...

90
00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:08,599
- Martin Sharp.
- Yes.

91
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,626
It's very exciting to have a
celebrity in our suicidal midst.

92
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,559
- This feels wrong.
- Mmm.

93
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,427
All right, well, we could just
do a "one, two, three, jump!"

94
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,279
- (CRASH)
- (MAUREEN GASPS)

95
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,225
- (CAR ALARM GOES OFF)
- Whoa!

96
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,159
- (JESS LAUGHS)
- (THUNDER RUMBLING)

97
00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,071
(RAIN PATTERING)

98
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,399
MARTIN: I wouldn't have minded if it
had been the proverbial cry for help,

99
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:32,959
but, believe me, you don't cart
a ladder up 15 flights of stairs

100
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:36,759
on a freezing cold New Year's
Eve unless you're serious.

101
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,261
Nice to meet you.

102
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:43,348
It was just another
debacle. Another cock-up.

103
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,039
I'd have believed you if you'd
told me half an hour before

104
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,319
that I'd end up on my car,

105
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,026
but not in it.

106
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,599
And I absolutely knew, with
every fibre of my being,

107
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:03,070
that I wouldn't be seeing any of
those freaks and misfits again.

108
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,479
I didn't know what they
were doing up there.

109
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,142
And I didn't want to find
out, thank you very much.

110
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,385
I had no interest whatsoever.

111
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,586
Oh, fuck.

112
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:18,839
Do I regret stopping
to pick her up?

113
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:22,150
Well, that really is along story.

114
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,039
- Want a lift?
- No, no.

115
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,430
The bus will be
along in 15 minutes.

116
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,465
Get in the car, Maureen.

117
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,701
Oh!

118
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,584
I did like your television show.

119
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:03,066
(ENGINE STALLING)

120
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,025
- (SIGHS)
- (SIRENS WAILING)

121
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:21,279
- What are you doing?
- Aw, it's a bit early for a reunion, isn't it?

122
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:23,908
Get in the car.
We're taking you home.

123
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:35,945
So this is...

124
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:39,027
Jolly.

125
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,186
OK.

126
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:42,879
One word answers.

127
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,399
Everyone has one word to explain

128
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,039
why they were up on the
roof in the first place.

129
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:49,862
For example, Martin might say

130
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,879
- notoriety.
- Mmm-hmm.

131
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,951
- JESS: Maureen might say loneliness.
- I'm not lonely.

132
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,959
- Tell that to your cats.
- I don't have cats.

133
00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:00,064
I was up there because I felt...

134
00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:02,559
- Helpless.
- JESS: Helpless?

135
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:03,759
That's a very good adjective.

136
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:06,999
Are we not fitting into your
pre-ordained boxes, Jess?

137
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:10,039
Actually, you fill your
one marvellously, Martin.

138
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:11,985
Was prison fun?

139
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:15,710
You really believe you have an
answer for everything, don't you?

140
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:19,519
I really believe that you
are a miserable bastard.

141
00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:23,159
Actually, right now, a miserable
bastard is exactly what I am.

142
00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:24,946
Have I not been hiding it well?

143
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,199
- Pizza boy.
- JJ.

144
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,399
Why might pizza boy want to die?

145
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:32,199
What would be your reason, Jess?

146
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,159
My reason would be love.

147
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:38,479
Chas. Chas the dickhead.
He spurned me.

148
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,311
I'm a spurned woman.

149
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,387
Cancer.

150
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:46,786
I was up there
because I have cancer.

151
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,199
I have inoperable cancer.

152
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,199
We have a winner. (CHUCKLES)

153
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:52,719
That's fucking brilliant.

154
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,719
Very impressed. Is it
an embarrassing cancer?

155
00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:57,267
Brain.

156
00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,546
CCR.

157
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,119
- I'm sorry, JJ.
- Yeah.

158
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,270
I think colon would
have been better.

159
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:06,919
Ooh, we're here.

160
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,149
(MUFFLED DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

161
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:14,503
MAUREEN: What, here? You live here?

162
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:17,399
JESS:
No, but Chas is likely to be here

163
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,631
and I've got a couple of
things I want to say to him.

164
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,919
Good luck with your next
attempt. See you in the afterlife.

165
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:26,467
Yep, good night.

166
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:43,910
Unhappy little thing, isn't she?

167
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:46,551
I should have known.

168
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,439
The most popular place
in London for suicides

169
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:51,759
on the most popular
night for suicides.

170
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:53,279
I should have known.

171
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,479
- I wouldn't be alone.
- I don't know why she thought I have cats.

172
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,665
And she certainly
swears too much, but...

173
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,519
Go on, Maureen, just say it.

174
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,863
(STUTTERING) I just, um...

175
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,185
Should she be alone?

176
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:15,909
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

177
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,399
Right.

178
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:29,399
Uh, Martin, you,
uh, you go that way.

179
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,239
- I'll go... I'll go this way.
- No, no, no. I can't do this...

180
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,999
What else are we gonna do?
Hey, what else are we gonna do?

181
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,559
And, Maureen, uh...

182
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:37,559
You take... You take the bathrooms.

183
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:40,222
The bathrooms. Bathrooms? OK, go.

184
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,501
I'm looking for a
girl called Jess. Jess?

185
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:59,709
I'm looking... I'm looking
for a girl called Jess. Jess?

186
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,151
(SIGHS)

187
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:27,825
- Hi. I'm looking for a...
- Hi.

188
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,551
- I'm looking for a...
- Hi.

189
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:34,503
I'm looking for a girl... Jess.

190
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,919
Good.

191
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,866
Great. Perfect.

192
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,759
ALL: 17, 16,

193
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:54,559
15,14.

194
00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:57,359
13,12.

195
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,719
11,10.

196
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,839
Nine, eight,

197
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,999
seven, six,

198
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,999
five, four,

199
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,839
three, two, one!

200
00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,468
Happy New Year!

201
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,102
(FIREWORKS EXPLODING)

202
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,221
(EXCITED CHATTERING)

203
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,901
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

204
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,341
- Hi.
- Uh...

205
00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,182
- You hiding, too, are you?
- Yeah.

206
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,159
I've... I've taken some pills.

207
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,025
- (CHUCKLING)
- It's all good.

208
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,387
- What are you hiding from?
- Oh, you know...

209
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,879
Humans. Humanity, life. You?

210
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,479
The nutter who's trying to kill me.

211
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,399
Your reason's better
than mine, then.

212
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,719
And where is this nutter?

213
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,745
- She's everywhere.
- Oh.

214
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:08,359
- Godlike, is she?
- I was just hoping I was having a bad pill.

215
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:13,039
Um, but she... She's not supposed to be
here and I'm pretty sure I've just seen her.

216
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:15,799
(STUTTERING) I'm pretty sure
I've seen you on breakfast TV.

217
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:19,159
So... Maybe I'm actually
having a good pill and...

218
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:20,759
You're Chas, aren't you?

219
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:24,559
- How do you know that?
- I'm here with the... nutter.

220
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:28,559
Chas! Chas, Chas, Chas!
Wait. Listen to me. Listen.

221
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,959
Let's just go and
find her together, eh?

222
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,199
I mean, what's the
worst that can happen?

223
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:35,719
Eh, she tried to kill me twice,
got me... Got me arrested once.

224
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:39,719
Mmm, I'm banned from three pubs,
two clubs and... And a cinema.

225
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,919
- OK.
- Just let me leave quietly.

226
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,799
- All right. OK.
- I've done nothing wrong.

227
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:45,959
Nothing wrong?

228
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:49,111
Taking her to bed! Nothing wrong?

229
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,679
Where is she? Where's
Jess? We need to find her.

230
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,799
- You need to talk to her.
- She won't talk.

231
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,639
She'll just chase me
with a bread knife.

232
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:58,719
Oh, tonight she was prepared to end
her life because of what you did to her.

233
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,119
- Maureen, don't.
- What?

234
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,039
Yeah, that's where we met her,
at the top of a tower block.

235
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,799
- Preparing to...
- What?

236
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:08,543
Hey! Hey, it's Jess. Come on.

237
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,199
- How's she doing?
- PARAMEDIC: Ready?

238
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,119
- JJ: Hey, Jess.
- NURSE: Do you know what she took?

239
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,279
I don't know. Drugs,
alcohol. You know, the usual.

240
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:18,159
- Are you her father? Next of kin?
- No, I'm not. No, no, no, I'm not.

241
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,119
- I need to know her name.
- I only, uh... She's called Jess.

242
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:24,359
- Sir, I need her full name.
- None of us knew her before tonight.

243
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,225
You need to wait here.

244
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,703
- She's got no identification on her, no nothing.
- Yeah, well,

245
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,999
she probably didn't want
to make identification easy.

246
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,559
She likes things,
you know, difficult.

247
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:38,711
Hmm, hospitals... Not a fan.

248
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,026
Good drugs, though.

249
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,261
Mmm!

250
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,399
You late for something?

251
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:30,959
I just

252
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,159
need to make sure I'm home
to make Matty some breakfast.

253
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,344
- Matty?
- My son.

254
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,869
- You have a son?
- Yes.

255
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,319
His breakfast is quite complicated.

256
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,026
(CLEARS THROAT)

257
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:47,580
I don't, er...

258
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:52,271
Look, if I... If I'm not going to
die tonight, it's important that he...

259
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,545
He doesn't know
anything that happened...

260
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,625
MARTIN: Here she comes.

261
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,750
Oh, boy.

262
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:05,867
Uh...

263
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,661
OK.

264
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:11,151
I've just got a few
things to clarify.

265
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:12,827
Uh, number one,

266
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,199
my gown's open-backed, 'cos
they've stolen my clothes,

267
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,039
so I'm just gonna do a twirl for you right
now and you can have a look at my arse.

268
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:20,959
Just once. It's
not my best feature,

269
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:24,719
but that's something that you'll probably
find out the more we get to know one another.

270
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:28,519
Uh, number two, it... It really...

271
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:31,039
It wasn't an overdose,
it was just an accident.

272
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,959
- Jess...
- Honestly. I just... I took all these pills

273
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:37,479
and then... And then I took some more.
But it was... It was just for fun.

274
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,559
I'd never kill myself
by taking pills.

275
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,959
I'd probably do
something really cool,

276
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:45,111
like jumping off the top of
a tower block. (CHUCKLING)

277
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,465
Jess, we were worried.

278
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,479
Was I on number three? Erm...

279
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:52,745
I think I was on number
four. I just wanted to say,

280
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,119
thank you so much for caring,

281
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,959
because I really, um... I
really, really appreciate it.

282
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:01,589
He was worried. I was trying to work
out what we were still doing here.

283
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,599
Number five. I think I was on
number f... something... six...

284
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:08,679
Fuck.

285
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,879
Is... is it just me?
Because it's...

286
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:14,748
It's really fucking
cold out here, guys.

287
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,639
It's really cold.

288
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,188
Come here. Come here now.

289
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:24,027
- Come on in. Come on.
- Yes. Hmm?

290
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,861
Thanks.

291
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,581
MARTIN: Psst.

292
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,461
Hmm.

293
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:50,199
When is the next date after New Year's
Eve when everybody kills themselves?

294
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,589
- MARTIN: Why?
- Valentine's Day.

295
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,902
That's six weeks away.

296
00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:59,519
OK, here's the deal.

297
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,182
Nobody kills themselves until then.

298
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:03,639
Why?

299
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,039
I mean, why would
we want to do that?

300
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:08,759
Why would we not want to kill ourselves
if and when and how we want, eh?

301
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,399
Come on, what's the alternative?

302
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,399
It's some sort of
race to the finish.

303
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:17,239
It's me checking the
obituaries every week

304
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,839
to see if Martin Sharp is dead.

305
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:23,599
No of fence, guys, but I
don't think your deaths would

306
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,590
really make the papers.

307
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,188
Come on, it's six weeks.

308
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,559
It's not such a ridiculous idea.

309
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,108
Yes, Maureen. Has
anybody got a pen?

310
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:36,221
- Can I have some paper as well?
- MAUREEN: Paper.

311
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,719
Great. Thanks.

312
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:43,111
"The undersigned do hereby promise

313
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:46,221
"not to kill themselves

314
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,439
"before Valentine's Day."

315
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:52,307
Maureen, sign just
wherever you like.

316
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,021
Pizza boy.

317
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:02,506
- But it's...
- You're dying anyway, hmm?

318
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,506
(SIGHS)

319
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:14,630
Martin Sharp.

320
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,060
Life-saver.

321
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,260
Superman.

322
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,159
Six weeks, Martin.

323
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:27,665
We'll all push you off the top
ourselves if it makes any difference.

324
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,319
It could be a little
Valentine's Day treat.

325
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:33,391
I'm pretty sure we're all
going to live to regret this.

326
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,188
Guys, look.

327
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:46,829
So, this is a new year, then.

328
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,261
- Yeah.
- (JJ SIGHS)

329
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,479
Hang on. Maureen, just
a fucking question here.

330
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,159
Have we just written our
pact on the back of your

331
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,105
- suicide note?
- Oh...

332
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,511
Yes, there is that.

333
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,349
(MARTIN CHUCKLES)

334
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,180
(ALL LAUGHING)

335
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,399
JESS: My mum always likes to
repeat this story of me as a kid

336
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,879
being asked what I wanted
to be when I grew up.

337
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:39,031
I always used to say, "Invisible."

338
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:43,102
I don't know quite what prompted it,
but the thought of it stuck with me.

339
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:44,559
- It was only later...
- (MOBILE PHONE RINGS)

340
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:49,065
that I found out that invisibility
is, in fact, a technical possibility.

341
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,439
It was in this book that my
sister stole from the library

342
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,599
and I stole from my sister.

343
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,639
- I followed her into crime.
- (MOBILE PHONE RINGING)

344
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:58,519
Though she was
better at it than me.

345
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:00,519
She always sort of glowed innocence

346
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:05,559
whereas I, to this day,
just sort of radiate guilt.

347
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,519
Anyway, to be invisible is easy.

348
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,919
You just have to find
a way to diffract light.

349
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:11,239
(BRAKES SQUEALING)

350
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:13,822
Whoa! You trying to
get yourself killed?

351
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:18,229
JESS: I haven't managed it
yet, but I'm working on it.

352
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:19,999
I didn't just follow him.

353
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,639
I followed all of them.

354
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,359
And it wasn't stalking.

355
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:25,279
You stalk a deer
in order to kill it,

356
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:28,319
mount it, stick it on your wall and
tell the story of how fucking brilliant

357
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:29,799
you are with a shotgun.

358
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,559
I didn't want to kill any of them.

359
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,639
I certainly didn't have any
interest in mounting them.

360
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:36,639
And I don't own a shotgun,

361
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,199
though I'd like one.

362
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:41,239
I just wanted to
check in, invisibly,

363
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,039
to check they were
sticking to the pact.

364
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:44,479
That's not stalking.

365
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,426
- It's barely even espionage.
- (MOBILE PHONE RINGS)

366
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:49,467
OK.

367
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,670
Now I know why you're ringing.

368
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,949
Pink flamingos fly
north on Tuesday.

369
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:01,639
Hello, Jess.

370
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,279
This is a top spy location, Dad.

371
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,544
It's hugely inconspicuous.

372
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:07,941
Look, um...

373
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:09,541
Where have you...?

374
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:11,599
This is a situation.

375
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,119
(NERVOUSLY) I've invited...

376
00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:15,399
A situation is what
you're referring to it as?

377
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:16,759
How else would you refer to it?

378
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,261
I don't know, Dad.

379
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,279
Well, you did what you did.

380
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:24,079
Yeah, I tried to kill myself.

381
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,279
Jess, please don't
put words in my mouth.

382
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:27,359
This is hard enough.

383
00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:28,519
- Is it, Dad?
- Yes.

384
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,839
Why are we doing this here? Why
can't we just do this at home?

385
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,799
Because the press will be there
and I'm trying to protect you.

386
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:37,759
Oh, yeah. Well, you've always been
really great at that, haven't you?

387
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:40,519
- Jess...
- What the hell are you doing here?

388
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:41,679
Uh...

389
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,879
- I was invited.
- You were invited?

390
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,239
Politician's daughter.
I was surprised.

391
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:47,759
I called his agent. I
thought we should all talk.

392
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:48,959
- JESS: You called his agent?
- Yeah.

393
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:50,519
He was delighted.

394
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,863
First call he'd had in awhile.

395
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,839
Was it you... Who
went to the press?

396
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:57,079
No!

397
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,159
I've been trying to figure
it out myself, but...

398
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:00,399
JJ?

399
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:01,959
He's too shy.

400
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,599
It's not Maureen.

401
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:05,261
No, no.

402
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,959
Hey, it was fucking Chas.

403
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:09,519
Chas sold us.

404
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:13,119
My ex-wife rang this morning,
wanting to know what I'd done.

405
00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:14,839
Asking me what she
should tell the children.

406
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:15,959
Oh, I'm gonna fucking kill him.

407
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,359
MARTIN: She told me I seem to be
the only person in the whole world

408
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:19,999
that the press gets bang-on.

409
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:23,159
If they say I've slept with a
15-year-old, I generally have.

410
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:26,199
If they say I've contemplated
suicide, I generally have.

411
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:29,385
Yes, I read about
you with the girl.

412
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,479
You haven't... You two haven't...

413
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,319
- You're asking whether we've slept together?
- Jesus, really?

414
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:38,119
- You think I'd...
- Oh, Martin! At least I'm legal.

415
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:41,199
Yeah, and I value our friendship
too much to complicate it.

416
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:45,279
Do you plan to maintain
your relationship with Jess?

417
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:47,559
Yeah, of course he
will. We're in a gang.

418
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,319
- We're not in a gang.
- Yeah, you signed a pact.

419
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:52,039
Ah, yes, of course, the
pact. How could I forget?

420
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,861
Yeah, Jess and I are
friends for life now.

421
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,719
(CLEARS THROAT) Now, look, Martin,

422
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,639
I'm sure I don't have to tell
someone with your media training

423
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:02,301
that what we...

424
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:05,639
What we have here is...
Is a media firestorm.

425
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:10,399
Yes, gentlemen, this
is a media firestorm.

426
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,519
- I'll leave you to it.
- Jess. Jess!

427
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,279
Why don't you invite him
to our family therapy?

428
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:17,919
You could do that. Why don't
you pay him to be you, Dad?

429
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,502
Martin doesn't want my money.

430
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:24,347
You don't, do you?

431
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:27,381
Has anyone ever told you
you're a bit of an idiot?

432
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:31,304
I'm a politician. That's
all they ever tell me.

433
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:35,359
- All right.
- Yep.

434
00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:37,519
Yep. Good luck.

435
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,067
Yep.

436
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,749
(REPORTERS CLAMOURING)

437
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,199
This is the second tragedy
for the Crichton family

438
00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:01,239
after the disappearance of older
sister, Jennifer two years ago.

439
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:04,039
Jennifer was never found,
and you have to wonder

440
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:07,319
how Shadow Education Secretary
Chris Crichton will cope

441
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:09,788
with this new strain upon him.

442
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,661
- MAN: Come on, then.
- Well done, boys.

443
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,079
JESS: ♪ Tragedy

444
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,424
♪ When the feeling's wrong
and you can't go on. It's tragedy

445
00:27:20,120 --> 00:27:23,759
♪ When the morning cries and you
don't know why. It's hard to bear

446
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:28,151
♪ With no one to love
you you're going nowhere

447
00:27:30,360 --> 00:27:31,719
♪ Tragedy ♪

448
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:33,301
CHRIS: Jess?

449
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,626
Can I come in?

450
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:40,426
Shall I come in, Jess?

451
00:27:49,120 --> 00:27:50,559
(SIGHS)

452
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:52,471
Where have you gone now?

453
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:00,581
Jess?

454
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,388
("IN THIS SHIRT"
THE IRREPRESSIBLES)

455
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:27,943
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

456
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:24,387
Hiya.

457
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:30,987
Wow!

458
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,140
This... This is Matty.

459
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:36,463
- My son.
- No, I mean... I mean...

460
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:39,039
Wow! You've just...
You've completely wowed me.

461
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:41,359
- Jess.
- What does that mean, 'wow'?

462
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,719
Like, wow, this is what
you've been hiding in here.

463
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,029
- Jess, enough.
- Sorry.

464
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:48,239
Sorry.

465
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,559
I wasn't leaving him that night.

466
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:51,679
There was...

467
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:53,879
Maureen, no one's
accusing you of anything.

468
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:56,639
Social services would have been
forced to pay for proper care.

469
00:29:56,640 --> 00:30:00,747
(STAMMERING) I mean, the standard of
care they can provide, it's better.

470
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:03,079
And I don't hide him.

471
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,105
I've never hidden him, never.

472
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:07,879
MARTIN: Can we get back
to the matter in hand, hmm?

473
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:11,039
Yeah, we're all here to
figure out how to get them to

474
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:12,719
leave us all alone.

475
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:16,239
OK, I had three of
them call my cell today.

476
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:17,799
How'd they even get my number?

477
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,319
Yeah, how did Chas
even remember you?

478
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,439
Hey, wait. Is Chas behind this?

479
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:23,879
Yeah, I mean, you're quite cute

480
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:25,519
but you're infinitely forgettable.

481
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:27,101
They won't...

482
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:29,159
Leave us alone.

483
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,199
They'll find out where you
live, where Maureen lives.

484
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,159
- What, they'll be here?
- So, I've been...

485
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:34,991
I've been thinking.

486
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:38,079
What if we shift the goal posts?

487
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,399
- Goal posts?
- Yeah, make it our story, not theirs.

488
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,999
I mean, there's even the possibility
that we might be able to make some

489
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:45,359
money out of it.

490
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:46,679
- Money?
- Yeah, money.

491
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,159
That would be good
for Matty, wouldn't it?

492
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,679
I'm sure JJ would like
a break from pizzas.

493
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:52,719
And as an unemployed,
disgraced talk show host,

494
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:53,959
I could certainly do with it.

495
00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:55,919
I don't... I don't want
Matty in the papers.

496
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,149
We... We can't stop that.

497
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:03,919
But, at least, this way
we won't lose out entirely.

498
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:05,719
By telling our story...

499
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:07,710
What... What story?

500
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,359
That we went up, then
we came back down again.

501
00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:12,999
They've sold newspapers
off our backs.

502
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:16,265
- Isn't it time we got something out of it?
- I...

503
00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:22,239
- Yes, OK.
- Good. Great.

504
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:23,866
Yeah?

505
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,479
- Well?
- Yeah, I mean, if you think it's...

506
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:28,559
If you think it's right,
Martin, yeah, I'm in.

507
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:30,039
I mean, I'm fine financially,

508
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:32,159
'cos, you know, I've
got my dad to nick from.

509
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:33,707
Oh.

510
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:39,107
But if we were to make
the story a fun one...

511
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:49,787
(JESS LAUGHS)

512
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,359
Let me tell you a story.

513
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:58,385
We were up there...

514
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:01,959
And we were ready to go

515
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,703
and we felt this... presence.

516
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,030
I would describe it...

517
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:10,799
As a light.

518
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:13,799
An ethereal glowing.

519
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:15,381
It was an angel.

520
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:18,159
We were visited by an angel.

521
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,708
And it looked like...
Like Matt Damon.

522
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:22,439
Matt Damon.

523
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:26,547
(LAUGHS) Oh, fuck it,
yeah. I'm... I'm with her.

524
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:29,199
- He looked like Matt Damon.
- Who's Matt Damon?

525
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:33,199
No, no, it wasn't really a
physical angel. It was more of a...

526
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,079
Is that what Jess told
you? What else did she say?

527
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:37,879
And he was naked and he said,

528
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:41,039
he literally decreed, "Thou
shalt not die tonight."

529
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:42,959
I mean, this is Matt
Damon, the naked angel.

530
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,879
- What?
- Maybe we shouldn't write all of this down.

531
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:48,719
Can I talk to your editor?
Used to be a good mate of mine.

532
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:50,631
MAUREEN: Oh, an actor.

533
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:52,279
What films has he been in?

534
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:54,359
You're not actually
gonna print this, are you?

535
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:57,227
Yeah. Yeah, no, that's how it went.

536
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:03,669
I had an interesting
thing happen today.

537
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,508
- Did you?
- Let me guess.

538
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:10,786
Your second daughter humiliated you
on the pages of the national press?

539
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,479
Actually, no. I was
in the Members' Bar...

540
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:16,919
And somebody came up
to you and they said,

541
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:22,460
"Chris, was that your daughter on
the pages of the national press?"

542
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,639
People have laughed
at me for a long time,

543
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:30,225
but I did prefer it when
they didn't laugh at you.

544
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:34,551
An angel.

545
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:37,959
You told them you saw an angel.

546
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:40,439
- Chris.
- And did it look like Jennifer?

547
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:42,430
Is that what you were going to say?

548
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:46,221
No.

549
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:51,104
No, Dad, I...

550
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:53,748
I didn't tell them it
looked like Jennifer.

551
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:01,427
I told them that it
looked like Matt Damon.

552
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,559
TV PRODUCER: Zoom in on camera two.

553
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,950
Penny, you're on
in three, two, one.

554
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:12,519
Many of us have been transfixed by
the story of the Topper House Four

555
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:14,959
and the angel that visited them.

556
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,399
And we are so lucky here
on Rise and Shine with Penny

557
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,319
to have them with us
in the studio today.

558
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,799
One of them certainly needs
no introduction. Martin.

559
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:23,959
Martin Sharp, my old co-host.

560
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:27,079
Penny, it's an honour to be back
on this old sofa again with you.

561
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:28,999
And I'd really like to
take this opportunity

562
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,319
to correct a few misconceptions
about this so-called angel...

563
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:34,519
And we will absolutely
have time for that, Martin,

564
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:36,919
but it would be remiss of
me not to begin the interview

565
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:38,799
with a bit of background
on what's been happening

566
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:40,790
to you in the last 12 months.

567
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:44,559
Yes, well, um...

568
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:47,959
Yes, well, Penny, currently I'm
juggling various job opportunities,

569
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,189
concentrating on being a father.

570
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,639
And, before that, I was in prison.
(LAUGHS)

571
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,999
But what we'd actually
like to talk to you about

572
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:57,119
is what we allegedly
saw on the roof.

573
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:59,639
And, of course, the reason
that you were in prison

574
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,984
was for an inappropriate
relationship with an underage girl.

575
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:07,119
- That's right, Penny.
- And this incident,

576
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:09,599
this sex of fence, led you
to lose your job, your home,

577
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:13,900
your family and finally drove
you to suicidal feelings.

578
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:15,079
That's right, Penny.

579
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:17,947
Which is, of course, where...

580
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:20,079
Where he met you lovely people.

581
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:22,639
Yeah. Yeah, we, er...
We all met up there.

582
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:25,719
And where you saw your angel
that looked like Matt Damon.

583
00:35:25,720 --> 00:35:27,919
- Tell me more.
- Hi. Sorry.

584
00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:31,239
It wasn't an angel. It
was... It was more of a light.

585
00:35:31,240 --> 00:35:32,879
We never agreed on an angel.

586
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:34,279
Now, Jess.

587
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:36,799
I really... Talk to the other
people before you come to me.

588
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:38,439
We know you mostly
through your father,

589
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:40,519
Shadow Education
Secretary, Chris Crichton.

590
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:42,439
You should probably
talk to JJ because he...

591
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:44,279
He is really interesting.

592
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,239
(LAUGHS) I'm sure he is.

593
00:35:46,240 --> 00:35:48,159
I'm sure you're all fascinating.

594
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:50,799
But, Jess, our sympathies
lie particularly with you

595
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:54,110
because of the devastating
disappearance of your sister, Jennifer.

596
00:35:54,240 --> 00:35:56,959
(STUTTERS)
You should talk to Maureen.

597
00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:59,861
Um... (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Her son lives in a cage.

598
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,304
But, Jess, let's focus on you.

599
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:04,666
It's OK.

600
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:07,387
Were you close?

601
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,547
Penny.

602
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:11,759
Why don't you ask
someone else a question?

603
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,740
My old co-host still
trying to co-host me there.

604
00:36:15,240 --> 00:36:18,983
Jess, tell me, was that
what drove you up there?

605
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:22,226
Jennifer's disappearance?
It must have been so painful.

606
00:36:23,240 --> 00:36:25,424
I can see you're getting upset.

607
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,119
You must have felt so alone.

608
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:31,271
I said, "Talk to Maureen", bitch!

609
00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:33,439
Many apologies. As you can see...

610
00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:35,159
Why didn't you
fucking listen to me?

611
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:37,583
I told you to fucking listen to me!

612
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:39,910
MARTIN: Jess! Jess, come back.

613
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:05,785
- It's you.
- Hey.

614
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:09,759
I was just checking to
see if you're... You're OK.

615
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:11,199
Yeah.

616
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:12,747
Never better, champ.

617
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:17,102
That, er... That right?

618
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:22,864
Are you gonna keep following me?

619
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:24,799
Do you know where you're going?

620
00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:28,399
Yeah. I know where I'm going.
I'm going where I always go.

621
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:29,947
Yeah?

622
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:34,759
Can you walk beside
me, not behind me?

623
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:36,944
'Cos my arse isn't my best feature.

624
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:38,959
Yeah, you, er...

625
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:40,746
You mentioned that.

626
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:47,039
This is where she parked it.

627
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:49,144
- Parked what?
- Mum's car.

628
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:50,559
My car.

629
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:53,711
Well, it was gonna be my car
when Jen went to university.

630
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:58,066
Found the car.

631
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,141
Didn't find her.

632
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:03,144
You know, just... Just gone.

633
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,942
Perhaps she learnt
how to be invisible.

634
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:10,791
Must be tough.

635
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,359
My dad organised this
nationwide search.

636
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:16,759
He really, really
got into it, you know.

637
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:18,307
Mum...

638
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,381
From the beginning
just gave up hope.

639
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,066
Anyway.

640
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,545
At least I don't have cancer.

641
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:33,501
Yeah.

642
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:36,021
Yeah.

643
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:42,189
You don't have cancer, do you?

644
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:43,701
What?

645
00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:47,239
I can see it. I can tell.

646
00:38:47,240 --> 00:38:50,639
If I look healthy, it's because of
the drug regimen I'm on right now.

647
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:52,439
I've never seen you
take a single pill.

648
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:54,759
Well, the drug regimen
is pretty minimal.

649
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:56,466
JJ.

650
00:38:56,920 --> 00:39:01,220
I'm a professional liar.
You're not even a competent one.

651
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:05,544
(GROANS)

652
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:08,519
It just... It just
came out, you know.

653
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:13,503
And once it... came out, I
couldn't take it back, so...

654
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:18,279
You were going to
jump, weren't you?

655
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:20,319
You weren't just delivering
pizzas and then you got too polite?

656
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,079
Yeah, I was...

657
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:23,866
I was going to jump, yeah.

658
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:25,879
- Why?
- (SCOFFS)

659
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:27,620
Why, er...

660
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:30,982
JESS:
It's a simple enough question, JJ.

661
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:35,385
You're a paedophile, like Martin.

662
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:36,999
- Oh.
- (JESS GASPS)

663
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,119
What are the chances of that?

664
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:44,159
Four suicidalists, one roof,
two of them paedophiles.

665
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,239
That's practically a convention.

666
00:39:46,240 --> 00:39:48,959
Look, I know I
shouldn't have... lied.

667
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:51,827
It's just, cancer seemed...

668
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:54,301
easier.

669
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:58,106
- You're a strange guy, JJ.
- Huh.

670
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:00,919
Fuck it, I'm stranger.

671
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:04,708
I like coming and hanging out at the
place where my sister disappeared.

672
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,065
Hmm. Look.

673
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:11,559
What?

674
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:13,789
- (BIRDS CHIRPING)
- JJ: Swifts.

675
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,342
You know my favourite
thing about swifts?

676
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:18,839
They nest on the wing.

677
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:21,263
They're born and then they're fed.

678
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:23,479
And from the moment they
leave their birthplace,

679
00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:25,439
they don't come down for
two years until they're ready

680
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:28,199
to create other baby swifts.

681
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,190
Oh, my gosh.

682
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,479
You're a birdwatcher.

683
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:37,221
- That's why you wanted to kill yourself.
- (LAUGHS)

684
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:42,199
No, no, I understand now.

685
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:44,759
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.

686
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:46,466
Good, good.

687
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:56,461
JJ: One elephant.

688
00:40:57,320 --> 00:40:58,981
Two elephants.

689
00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:01,865
Three elephants.

690
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:04,951
Four elephants.

691
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:07,510
One elephant.

692
00:41:08,240 --> 00:41:10,071
Two elephants.

693
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:13,269
- Three eleph...
- (ALARM BUZZES)

694
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:17,679
My first band was called Gepetto.

695
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:21,359
We were a grunge band after
grunge had long been forgotten.

696
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:24,306
Timing has never
been my strong suit.

697
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:27,879
We came third in the Idaho
state Battle of the Bands.

698
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:31,668
We got our pictures in the paper
and I was recognised in the mall.

699
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:34,839
For me, that was fame.

700
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:38,799
But fame like this, like
the Topper House Four...

701
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:41,302
- Suicide again, then, is it?
- (PANTS)

702
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:42,919
Hi, Gladys.

703
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:45,199
- (GRUNTS)
- Those press still about?

704
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:46,701
Yeah.

705
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:50,421
(GROANS)

706
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:01,119
JJ: In a mere three weeks,
we'd not only not died,

707
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,679
but we'd been on the front
pages of all the tabloids

708
00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:08,519
and led many people to believe
again in the existence of angels,

709
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:10,590
or, at least, Jess had.

710
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:13,439
We even had questions asked
about us in Parliament,

711
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:17,183
though that might have been
just to embarrass Jess' dad.

712
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:20,279
It was Martin who
suggested getting away.

713
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:22,679
He said we'd be like
Butch and Sundance.

714
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:26,439
Jess reminded him that didn't
work out so well for them.

715
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:28,279
But it seemed like a good idea.

716
00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:31,119
Get away and hope that
by the time we got back

717
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:34,479
we'd be forgotten and the
world would be a kinder place.

718
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:36,903
To us, and for us.

719
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:40,225
I wish I had thought life
a better option than death,

720
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:44,347
but I didn't, and wishing
wasn't going to fix it.

721
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:46,399
To quote one of Gepetto's songs,

722
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:50,599
"I don't mind the pain,
it's the hope that kills me."

723
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:53,068
Yeah, we were pretty deep.

724
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:54,359
OK, fiver says one of us punches

725
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:55,679
one of the others before
the end of the holiday.

726
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:58,239
- Punches?
- Like kicks or slaps or tickles.

727
00:42:58,240 --> 00:43:00,239
One of us will use physical
violence against one of the others

728
00:43:00,240 --> 00:43:01,959
- before the week's out.
- OK.

729
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:03,599
This holiday is going
to be a disaster.

730
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:04,759
Oh, I hope so.

731
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:06,599
So, who's looking
after Matty, Maureen?

732
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:08,639
No one. She's just left
some food in the fridge

733
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:10,949
and some wet wipes by the bed.

734
00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:13,039
I'm sure the break will do
you both the world of good.

735
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:14,559
- Yeah, that's what Dr Stephens said.
- Yeah. Yeah.

736
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:15,999
- He's taken him for a week's observation.
- Yeah, yeah.

737
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:18,079
- Your boarding pass, Madam.
- Yeah, go ahead.

738
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:20,399
Your boarding pass, with
your flight details on it.

739
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:22,425
You were handed it at check-in.

740
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:24,399
This?

741
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:26,399
And your passport.

742
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:27,799
OK.

743
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:30,507
(MAUREEN BREATHES HEAVILY)

744
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:37,101
There you go.

745
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:43,319
(AEROPLANE TAKING OFF)

746
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:44,759
Thank you very much.

747
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:46,399
Maureen? Maureen!

748
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:48,039
- Uh, no, sorry. You can't go backwards.
- Maureen, stop.

749
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:49,439
Please stop, Maureen.
Please, please stop.

750
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:51,119
It's just a trip, that's all.

751
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:53,879
Just a trip, till all this
press nonsense blows over.

752
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:56,919
- It's for the best.
- This is all... It's just all too much.

753
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:58,479
I mean, I don't know you.

754
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:00,823
And I don't travel well.
And I've... (STUTTERS)

755
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:03,119
I've never been on a 'plane before.

756
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:06,100
- You've never been on a 'plane before?
- Shut up, Jess.

757
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,999
Maureen, if you're afraid of
flying, I've got these tablets.

758
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:12,151
I'm not afraid of
flying. It's just, I'm...

759
00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:15,039
I didn't want to be in the papers
and I didn't want to be on TV,

760
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:17,639
and I don't want to
be here now. I just...

761
00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:20,620
I just want to go back
to my old life, OK?

762
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:24,071
But your old life wasn't
very good, Maureen.

763
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:26,559
- Look, we made a pact.
- (CHIMING)

764
00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:31,719
MAN ON PA: This is the final
call for Flight CA432 to Tenerife.

765
00:44:31,720 --> 00:44:34,879
Will all remaining passengers
please make their way to Gate C38

766
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:37,064
- immediately.
- It's gonna be fine.

767
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:40,386
Come on. (CHUCKLES)

768
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:44,905
("I FOUND YOU" ALABAMA SHAKES)

769
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:13,599
- To a really good holiday.
- To life.

770
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:14,879
ANGELO: Good afternoon.

771
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:17,679
My name is Angelo and
I will be your waiter.

772
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:20,959
Well, sometimes I will.
Other times I will be theirs.

773
00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:22,359
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

774
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:24,599
It's just a joke. Real, but a joke.

775
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:26,279
Hello, Angelo.

776
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:28,039
So, you're from England? How nice.

777
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:30,239
Yeah, you knew that, Angelo.
You just talked English to us.

778
00:45:30,240 --> 00:45:32,583
I did, I did.

779
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:34,359
Is he always this
clever, your husband?

780
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:36,159
(LAUGHS) He is not her husband.

781
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:37,719
Let me guess.

782
00:45:37,720 --> 00:45:39,319
- You're all lovers, right?
- What? No.

783
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:41,199
- Yes, yes.
- Yeah, yeah.

784
00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:42,439
Yeah, we are, right here.

785
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:45,466
I bring Vaseline and Maureen
always brings a dildo.

786
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:48,639
You know, someone told me
a joke about Vaseline once.

787
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:50,839
But I can't entirely remember it.

788
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:53,079
Well, Maureen, you must keep
drinking till you remember.

789
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:54,679
ANGELO: Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

790
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:57,021
- MARTIN: We're happy. Good.
- ANGELO: Me, too.

791
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,662
(WAVES SPLASHING)

792
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,199
(SIGHS) Oh, the sun is so fierce.

793
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:17,999
And the sea's so sparkly and blue.

794
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:20,839
Oh, Maureen, tell me that
you've seen the sea before.

795
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:22,839
Yes, I've seen the sea before.

796
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:24,119
Are we going in?

797
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:25,679
- No.
- Of course we are.

798
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:28,199
- We're not in our swimming costumes.
- Oh, underwear will be fine.

799
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:29,719
(MARTIN CHUCKLES)

800
00:46:29,720 --> 00:46:31,279
- You don't see... No, no!
- Come on.

801
00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:32,879
MAUREEN: (SHRIEKS) No!

802
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:35,508
MARTIN: Come on, grab
her! Come on, grab her!

803
00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:37,620
(SHRIEKS)

804
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:53,345
(ALL LAUGHING)

805
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:10,629
- Hi.
- Hey.

806
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:12,585
- Hi.
- Hey.

807
00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:15,541
(SIGHS)

808
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:18,999
Maureen just called me
up on the hotel 'phone.

809
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:21,946
- Surprised to have her own bathroom.
- (CHUCKLES)

810
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:26,545
- She thinks this place is the height of luxury.
- Yeah, it is kind of cool, huh?

811
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:30,141
Cheapest place I've
stayed in for 20 years.

812
00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:32,079
Yeah?

813
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:34,469
It doesn't feel strange, does it?

814
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:36,279
Us...

815
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:38,639
- Being away together?
- No.

816
00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:40,159
No, it feels good.

817
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:43,479
I thought I knew what I was
doing with the press and then...

818
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:44,839
And then what?

819
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:46,719
- The Jess meltdown and...
- No, no, no.

820
00:47:46,720 --> 00:47:50,463
Then I realised I'd got it all
wrong. I thought people would like it.

821
00:47:50,720 --> 00:47:53,199
I thought we'd make money and
people would find it eccentric

822
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,359
- and heart-warming.
- Heart-warming?

823
00:47:55,360 --> 00:48:00,719
Four people survive suicide,
find hope, blah, blah, you know.

824
00:48:00,720 --> 00:48:04,144
I mean, it's the kind of
good-news story the press love.

825
00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:08,781
However,

826
00:48:10,240 --> 00:48:12,947
I underestimated how
much they hate me.

827
00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:15,987
It's not just about you, Martin.

828
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:18,465
(SIGHS) You know,

829
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,145
I envy you.

830
00:48:21,480 --> 00:48:25,063
You, your cancer. I
mean, it's so cut and dry.

831
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:29,439
No, really. Really, JJ, I
am so impressed with you.

832
00:48:29,440 --> 00:48:32,068
I mean, you hardly
let it phase you.

833
00:48:32,240 --> 00:48:34,399
And that is something to drink to.

834
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:36,470
- (CLINKS)
- Here you go.

835
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:38,905
Put hairs on your chest.

836
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:44,471
Your health.

837
00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:51,986
Do you know what I feel when
I wake up in the mornings?

838
00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:55,985
Humiliated.

839
00:48:57,680 --> 00:49:00,023
Do you know what I
feel at lunchtime?

840
00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:02,061
Humiliated.

841
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:06,719
My life is a constant
stream of humiliation.

842
00:49:06,720 --> 00:49:09,871
I don't feel sad. I don't
feel angry. I just feel...

843
00:49:10,720 --> 00:49:12,506
Humiliated.

844
00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:16,061
Yeah.

845
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:18,944
To humiliation.

846
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:26,799
OK, God gives you three wishes.

847
00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:29,799
Oh, God's not a
tombola machine, Martin.

848
00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:32,279
He doesn't just give wishes.

849
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:33,999
Three wishes. Anything you want.

850
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:35,959
That's easy. OK, billions of pounds

851
00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:39,599
- and my own personal hitman...
- OK.

852
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:42,639
- (LAUGHS)
- ...and a court waiver

853
00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:45,029
over anything that I want to do.

854
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:48,023
- Really? Um...
- Mmm-hmm.

855
00:49:48,240 --> 00:49:52,540
Well, I'd... I'd
want a bit more help.

856
00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:55,303
A bit more of a life.

857
00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:57,479
What's a bit more of a life?

858
00:49:57,480 --> 00:49:59,903
Just what other people have.

859
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:03,265
- JESS: What do other people have?
- (SIGHS)

860
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:05,359
And I'd wish my son all better.

861
00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:07,430
That's why I don't do wishes.

862
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:12,999
I'd want to be famous again,
the right kind of famous.

863
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:14,839
I mean, being famous is great.

864
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:16,999
Everyone think it's
difficult, but it's not.

865
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:19,639
I mean, you get to have the
best seats in restaurants.

866
00:50:19,640 --> 00:50:23,079
People smile at you on
'planes. It's great. (CHUCKLES)

867
00:50:23,080 --> 00:50:27,199
And whatever you do, you feel
vindicated by your own fame.

868
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:30,783
And you never ever feel humiliated.

869
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:34,999
Well, it's certainly better
than real life, anyway.

870
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:36,719
Wow!

871
00:50:36,720 --> 00:50:38,745
You're so deep.

872
00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:40,919
No, I'm just honest.

873
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:43,199
- Martin! It's...
- What?

874
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:44,839
You're nothing if
you're not noticed.

875
00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:47,149
OK, fame or your kids?

876
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:50,439
- Mmm...
- Martin, you don't mean that.

877
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:52,079
Don't I?

878
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:55,789
All right, this is a bad game.

879
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:02,500
JESS: OK.

880
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:06,628
I wonder what JJ would
choose as his three wishes.

881
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:09,199
'Cos, obviously, you'd...

882
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:12,385
You'd want to cure your
cancer, for a start.

883
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:16,359
I'm going to go,
uh, use the restroom.

884
00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:18,239
Then you'd probably
want loads of money

885
00:51:18,240 --> 00:51:20,708
so that you could donate
it to Cancer Research.

886
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:23,479
You know, other people
are allowed to be in pain.

887
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:25,311
You know that, Jess?

888
00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:32,222
ANGELO: Hey, mis amigos ingleses.

889
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:33,719
How are we doing tonight?

890
00:51:33,720 --> 00:51:35,346
(EXHALES)

891
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:36,839
No, it's... Just leave it.

892
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:38,799
Peachy, Angelo.
(CLICKS TONGUE) Peachy.

893
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:41,064
Great. Keep drinking.

894
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:50,591
You're sitting in my seat.

895
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:52,559
What?

896
00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:56,359
Uh, I'd find another seat, but
you're also sitting on my shawl.

897
00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:58,350
Oh, shit, sorry.

898
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:01,300
- There.
- Thanks.

899
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:03,746
(EXHALES)

900
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:10,140
You know, I think I
recognise you from somewhere.

901
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:12,181
Ah.

902
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:15,301
Yeah, um... There's this thing...

903
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:20,021
That may have been in the
papers a bit recently, so...

904
00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:22,670
No, that's not it.

905
00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:28,146
Are you in a band?

906
00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:30,826
- What?
- Yeah.

907
00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:32,719
- You supported Alt-J.
- Yeah.

908
00:52:32,720 --> 00:52:35,188
- Manchester Towers.
- Two years ago.

909
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:37,039
It was the first time
we came to Britain.

910
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:38,559
- You're the front man, right?
- Yeah.

911
00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:40,789
I remember loving your lyrics.

912
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:45,181
Really? Yeah, wow! You
know, I... I wrote those.

913
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:48,630
Adolescent shit mostly.

914
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:51,399
Are you still serious about it?

915
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:53,106
Er...

916
00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:55,599
I was. Now, not so.

917
00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:57,340
What's your name?

918
00:52:57,360 --> 00:52:58,907
JJ.

919
00:52:59,240 --> 00:53:01,119
Which stands for?

920
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:04,839
Er... John Julius.

921
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:06,671
(CHUCKLES)

922
00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:09,199
Hi, John Julius.

923
00:53:09,200 --> 00:53:10,559
I'm Kathy.

924
00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:13,062
Hello, Kathy.

925
00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:16,941
Wow!

926
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:18,985
("I WILL SURVIVE" CAKE)

927
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:23,905
(WHISTLING AND CHEERING)

928
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:27,399
This is brilliant! Yeah!

929
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:29,399
- I love it. This is beautiful.
- Yeah.

930
00:53:29,400 --> 00:53:30,919
Beautiful!

931
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:34,639
- Who's that?
- That is, uh, my uncle.

932
00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:36,919
Ah! I think I recognise him.

933
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:39,079
Yeah. He's, uh...
He's vaguely famous.

934
00:53:39,080 --> 00:53:41,759
Ah, a failed musician with
a vaguely famous uncle.

935
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:43,079
I am a lucky girl.

936
00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:44,519
I enjoy it all the time, Angelo.

937
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:46,351
See you later, mate.

938
00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:01,639
- Come on, let's go!
- Go where?

939
00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:03,439
- We're going to go dance.
- No, no, no, I'm happy to watch.

940
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:04,959
- No, no, come on.
- Martin, I don't...

941
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:06,586
Come on!

942
00:54:26,720 --> 00:54:28,426
Whoa!

943
00:54:35,880 --> 00:54:39,782
- JJ: So, uh, you're out here on your own?
- KATHY: Mmm-hmm.

944
00:54:40,880 --> 00:54:43,826
Other people just crowd it
and make it about themselves.

945
00:54:44,520 --> 00:54:46,119
So you're... You're
here with family?

946
00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:47,399
Your uncle and...

947
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:52,383
Uh, yeah, a bit of
family, friends, sort of.

948
00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:55,863
But you don't like them?

949
00:54:56,240 --> 00:54:58,519
I mean, you ran away
from them at the bar.

950
00:54:58,520 --> 00:55:01,439
No, it's just they
can be a little, um...

951
00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:04,625
- A little intense, you know?
- Mmm-hmm.

952
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:08,546
And you don't like intense?

953
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:10,909
No, uh...

954
00:55:10,960 --> 00:55:15,439
Yeah, I can't really
talk because I'm intense.

955
00:55:15,440 --> 00:55:17,908
(CHUCKLES) Good.

956
00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:20,839
Because if you're looking
for a neurosis-free girl,

957
00:55:20,840 --> 00:55:22,399
you're bang out of luck.

958
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:24,159
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

959
00:55:24,160 --> 00:55:25,919
- Really?
- Yeah, I...

960
00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:28,999
I once set fire to my hair
just to see what would happen.

961
00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:30,119
(LAUGHS)

962
00:55:30,120 --> 00:55:32,919
I was 10 and it
didn't improve my look.

963
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:34,519
Oh, that's, that's nothing.

964
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:39,559
When I was a kid, I jumped off our
roof just to see if I could hurt myself.

965
00:55:39,560 --> 00:55:43,679
And, um, yeah, I
broke my leg and I...

966
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:44,919
I kind of liked it.

967
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:46,839
OK, well, how's this for psycho?

968
00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:49,719
I carved my
ex-boyfriend's initials

969
00:55:49,720 --> 00:55:51,399
- into my left inner thigh...
- Ah...

970
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:54,119
as a way of telling him that
no-one else would ever see there.

971
00:55:54,120 --> 00:55:56,031
- Beat that.
- Um...

972
00:55:56,200 --> 00:55:57,919
Easy. I...

973
00:55:57,920 --> 00:56:02,039
I recently told some
people that I had cancer

974
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:04,959
to avoid telling
them the real reason

975
00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:07,781
I had for attempting suicide.

976
00:56:08,320 --> 00:56:09,959
That is intense.

977
00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:13,199
- What... What was the... real reason?
- I...

978
00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:15,304
You know what? I don't know.

979
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:18,585
I do know that I am
now part of a pact

980
00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:22,389
- that I had to lie to become a...
- What pact?

981
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:25,501
Just a...

982
00:56:26,120 --> 00:56:29,519
(SIGHS) Just a bunch of desperate
people being desperate together

983
00:56:29,520 --> 00:56:32,830
as a way of feeling a
little less desperate.

984
00:56:34,880 --> 00:56:37,587
OK, you win the psycho game.

985
00:56:38,360 --> 00:56:42,421
Good. Good. I always
wanted to win that game.

986
00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:46,181
(DOOR KNOB CLICKS)

987
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:51,306
(MOANS)

988
00:56:58,720 --> 00:57:01,359
I haven't done this
for a while, so...

989
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:03,021
Mmm.

990
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:17,426
(GASPS)

991
00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:41,146
(SIGHS)

992
00:57:43,160 --> 00:57:45,599
- OK, now I'm going to say something.
- Oh, fuck!

993
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:47,599
Because if I wait and say
nothing and then you spot me

994
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:50,119
after you've pissed, I think
that would probably be worse.

995
00:57:50,120 --> 00:57:52,279
Wait, how did...
How did you even...

996
00:57:52,280 --> 00:57:54,079
Just took a credit card
and a bit of spit, you know.

997
00:57:54,080 --> 00:57:56,981
Hotel security is
not what it should be.

998
00:57:57,560 --> 00:57:59,789
How long have you been there?

999
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:08,239
I just really wanted to
apologise for earlier.

1000
00:58:08,240 --> 00:58:09,479
Because I don't know...

1001
00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:11,425
I don't know why I said that.

1002
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:14,782
And then I was probably
gonna try and shag you.

1003
00:58:16,680 --> 00:58:18,719
- (SIGHS)
- She's really pretty, though,

1004
00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:19,839
So, well done.

1005
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:20,959
- Hey...
- You don't have to say anything.

1006
00:58:20,960 --> 00:58:24,623
You can take that one as
a compliment. (CHUCKLES)

1007
00:58:24,640 --> 00:58:27,950
Then, I'll just leave quietly.

1008
00:58:29,160 --> 00:58:30,279
Hey, uh, Jess...

1009
00:58:30,280 --> 00:58:34,262
You know, I really would prefer
it if you didn't say anything.

1010
00:58:36,320 --> 00:58:39,027
You do know she's a
journalist though, right?

1011
00:58:39,880 --> 00:58:41,791
- What?
- Look in her bag.

1012
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:45,470
'Cos I saw her check
her recorder in the bar.

1013
00:58:46,600 --> 00:58:50,821
- Oh, my God!
- Still, she fucked you, though, right?

1014
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:54,348
- (SIGHS)
- So, at least she's thorough.

1015
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:57,547
Hey, hey.

1016
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:07,519
KATHY: "What pact?"

1017
00:59:07,520 --> 00:59:11,039
JJ: "Just... just a
bunch of desperate people

1018
00:59:11,040 --> 00:59:13,079
"being desperate together

1019
00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:15,479
"as a way of feeling a
little less desperate."

1020
00:59:15,480 --> 00:59:17,470
("YOUTH" DAUGHTER)

1021
00:59:39,920 --> 00:59:42,184
(YELLING)

1022
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:51,587
(SOBBING)

1023
01:00:25,640 --> 01:00:27,141
(SCREAMING)

1024
01:01:00,880 --> 01:01:02,825
I think it's sweet.

1025
01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:04,959
I think it's unsanitary.

1026
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:08,199
No, only part of you thinks that.
The other part thinks it's sweet.

1027
01:01:08,200 --> 01:01:10,799
Oh... Hmm.

1028
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:12,879
- Why are you waiting here?
- I'm waiting for them to finish

1029
01:01:12,880 --> 01:01:15,519
this tray of scrambled egg
and bring in a new tray.

1030
01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:18,399
But the scrambled egg's
never fresh, Martin.

1031
01:01:18,400 --> 01:01:20,199
I mean, I might not have
been on a lot of holidays,

1032
01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:23,943
but I've been in a lot of hospitals
and I understand institutional catering.

1033
01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:28,344
Who are all these people
and why do they eat so much?

1034
01:01:28,680 --> 01:01:31,182
They're having a
good time, that's all.

1035
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:36,345
- Martin.
- Hmm?

1036
01:01:36,600 --> 01:01:39,148
Thank you for
arranging this holiday.

1037
01:01:39,160 --> 01:01:40,559
I think it's been good for me.

1038
01:01:40,560 --> 01:01:44,746
You really don't understand what
a disaster we all are, do you?

1039
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:50,039
- Come on, let's get you some breakfast.
- Yeah, good idea, good idea.

1040
01:01:50,040 --> 01:01:53,589
- The prunes are very good.
- Don't like prunes.

1041
01:02:00,440 --> 01:02:02,669
(PANTING)

1042
01:02:05,040 --> 01:02:07,030
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

1043
01:02:13,440 --> 01:02:16,068
- JESS: Hi.
- Oh, morning, JJ.

1044
01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:18,701
I may have said some
stupid things last night.

1045
01:02:18,720 --> 01:02:20,079
Drink has never been my friend.

1046
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:23,519
- Sorry about that.
- So, I got a few things to say.

1047
01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:26,719
I don't think you're
gonna like any of them.

1048
01:02:26,720 --> 01:02:27,919
Are you going back to America?

1049
01:02:27,920 --> 01:02:31,344
Yeah, I'm gonna start with
the... the biggest... Um...

1050
01:02:31,480 --> 01:02:35,799
- I don't have cancer of the... the brain.
- (GASPING)

1051
01:02:35,800 --> 01:02:38,359
- I don't have CCR.
- Oh, they've cured you!

1052
01:02:38,360 --> 01:02:42,559
No, Maureen, I,
uh... I never had it.

1053
01:02:42,560 --> 01:02:44,959
- I... I made it all up.
- Oh.

1054
01:02:44,960 --> 01:02:48,279
There's actually no
such thing as... as CCR.

1055
01:02:48,280 --> 01:02:50,399
It's just Creedence
Clearwater Revival are

1056
01:02:50,400 --> 01:02:51,839
one of my favourite bands, but...

1057
01:02:51,840 --> 01:02:54,319
Oh. I wasn't gonna say anything.

1058
01:02:54,320 --> 01:02:55,439
MARTIN: Did you know about this?

1059
01:02:55,440 --> 01:02:57,079
MAUREEN: You know, I thought
there was something strange.

1060
01:02:57,080 --> 01:02:59,119
So, why, hmm?

1061
01:02:59,120 --> 01:03:00,639
Why, JJ, were you up there?

1062
01:03:00,640 --> 01:03:02,239
He can't answer
that. That's personal.

1063
01:03:02,240 --> 01:03:05,759
- I'm sure he had good reasons.
- Oh, did he? JJ, did you?

1064
01:03:05,760 --> 01:03:07,591
Yeah, um...

1065
01:03:08,800 --> 01:03:12,919
Guys, actually, I'm gonna need
to postpone this conversation...

1066
01:03:12,920 --> 01:03:15,039
We... We had a pact.

1067
01:03:15,040 --> 01:03:17,839
I... I trusted you. I liked you!

1068
01:03:17,840 --> 01:03:20,239
Hey, Martin, please, just sit down.
We'll talk about this another time.

1069
01:03:20,240 --> 01:03:23,505
- Another time? What time would you...
- Hey, where were you?

1070
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:26,639
Oh, right, great. We all stop
for your girlfriend, do we?

1071
01:03:26,640 --> 01:03:29,919
JJ: She's not my
girlfriend, OK? She's...

1072
01:03:29,920 --> 01:03:33,239
- She's a journalist.
- What?

1073
01:03:33,240 --> 01:03:34,679
- Look, I didn't know.
- Shit.

1074
01:03:34,680 --> 01:03:36,199
You don't know much, do you?

1075
01:03:36,200 --> 01:03:38,479
(STAMMERING)
If he didn't know, he didn't know.

1076
01:03:38,480 --> 01:03:40,679
I mean, we've had bad things
written about us before.

1077
01:03:40,680 --> 01:03:44,679
Look, I understand that you
are angry, but, please, Martin,

1078
01:03:44,680 --> 01:03:47,359
- I'm feeling pretty humiliated...
- Oh, you don't understand anything!

1079
01:03:47,360 --> 01:03:49,279
You certainly don't
understand humiliation!

1080
01:03:49,280 --> 01:03:51,999
- Martin, you're being dramatic.
- You're a leech! You're a fake!

1081
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:54,679
- You're a fraud! You're a joke, JJ.
- MAUREEN: Martin, stop this.

1082
01:03:54,680 --> 01:03:56,919
- KATHY: John...
- Who the fuck is John?

1083
01:03:56,920 --> 01:03:59,119
I'm... Look, I'm John.

1084
01:03:59,120 --> 01:04:00,559
And you know what?

1085
01:04:00,560 --> 01:04:03,159
- I'm not a fraud.
- Stop it. Remember the pact.

1086
01:04:03,160 --> 01:04:05,344
Fuck the pact!

1087
01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:07,479
I'm not a fraud!

1088
01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:09,027
(CLAMOURING)

1089
01:04:09,480 --> 01:04:11,061
(SCREAMING)

1090
01:04:12,760 --> 01:04:15,422
Don't you ever touch me again!

1091
01:05:12,600 --> 01:05:14,943
Good morning, sunshine.

1092
01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:17,311
Hello, sweetheart.

1093
01:05:18,480 --> 01:05:21,159
Hello, sleepy head.

1094
01:05:21,160 --> 01:05:24,279
How are you? Good morning.

1095
01:05:24,280 --> 01:05:25,959
All right, here we go.

1096
01:05:25,960 --> 01:05:28,039
MAUREEN: "Not having Matty
with me on the holiday,

1097
01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:30,781
"it... it felt like
I was missing a leg.

1098
01:05:31,280 --> 01:05:33,020
"Strange.

1099
01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:35,261
"Light.

1100
01:05:35,520 --> 01:05:38,341
"That's probably not
like missing a leg at all.

1101
01:05:38,520 --> 01:05:41,159
"I don't imagine most
people's first impressions

1102
01:05:41,160 --> 01:05:43,264
"of leg loss is weightlessness."

1103
01:05:49,720 --> 01:05:51,551
How's that?

1104
01:05:51,880 --> 01:05:53,461
There we are.

1105
01:05:55,560 --> 01:05:57,039
(LAUGHING)

1106
01:05:57,040 --> 01:06:00,039
"I missed him most when
the 'plane was landing.

1107
01:06:00,040 --> 01:06:02,065
"We shook a little on descent.

1108
01:06:02,600 --> 01:06:04,590
"I thought I was going to die.

1109
01:06:05,200 --> 01:06:07,509
"And I hadn't said goodbye.

1110
01:06:25,880 --> 01:06:30,783
"JJ's girlfriend's piece meant
the story, our story, didn't die.

1111
01:06:31,120 --> 01:06:33,119
"But Martin said to
concentrate on being boring

1112
01:06:33,120 --> 01:06:35,429
"and they'd eventually
leave us alone.

1113
01:06:35,760 --> 01:06:39,025
"So, that's what I
did. Not difficult.

1114
01:06:39,320 --> 01:06:41,479
"And, as for the others,

1115
01:06:41,480 --> 01:06:45,999
"as soon as we landed, we scattered
in different directions like we were

1116
01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:48,150
"allergic to each other.

1117
01:06:48,480 --> 01:06:50,559
"The pact was broken beyond repair,

1118
01:06:50,560 --> 01:06:54,382
"and without the pact, our
friendship was broken, too.

1119
01:06:56,720 --> 01:07:00,224
"I still saw them, actually,
every now and again.

1120
01:07:01,960 --> 01:07:05,942
"I saw Jess in places
she shouldn't be.

1121
01:07:06,880 --> 01:07:10,350
"And I did make a
little effort to find JJ,

1122
01:07:11,360 --> 01:07:12,879
"just to check he was OK."

1123
01:07:12,880 --> 01:07:18,022
JJ, I can't believe...
One last time, slower!

1124
01:07:21,920 --> 01:07:24,184
"I never saw Martin.

1125
01:07:27,440 --> 01:07:30,625
"No, mostly, I...
I got on with my life

1126
01:07:31,240 --> 01:07:33,947
"and hoped they
got on with theirs."

1127
01:07:42,840 --> 01:07:45,069
(INAUDIBLE)

1128
01:07:47,840 --> 01:07:50,149
Matty did really well.

1129
01:07:50,360 --> 01:07:53,022
We did some
interesting reflex work.

1130
01:07:53,680 --> 01:07:57,359
Nice to have him properly
looked after for once.

1131
01:07:57,360 --> 01:07:59,159
He reacted well to company.

1132
01:07:59,160 --> 01:08:01,559
(CHUCKLES) I'm sure he loved
a change from my blathering.

1133
01:08:01,560 --> 01:08:04,108
We couldn't get him
out of this pool.

1134
01:08:04,200 --> 01:08:05,879
Well, he's always loved water.

1135
01:08:05,880 --> 01:08:07,599
You know, er, there might be a

1136
01:08:07,600 --> 01:08:11,661
slot for him to come to one of my
weekly sessions, if you'd like it.

1137
01:08:12,200 --> 01:08:14,702
Oh, I'm sure he'd love it.

1138
01:08:14,920 --> 01:08:16,910
I'll add him to the list.

1139
01:08:17,040 --> 01:08:21,022
You know, you look like
you've caught a bit of colour.

1140
01:08:21,520 --> 01:08:23,465
Do I?

1141
01:08:25,440 --> 01:08:28,399
You know, from the
pictures in the papers,

1142
01:08:28,400 --> 01:08:32,791
it looked like you
picked a very nice spot.

1143
01:08:34,440 --> 01:08:35,987
Yes.

1144
01:08:36,280 --> 01:08:38,020
Well...

1145
01:09:13,240 --> 01:09:19,429
♪ Inchworm
measuring the marigolds

1146
01:09:19,920 --> 01:09:23,919
♪ You and your arithmetic

1147
01:09:23,920 --> 01:09:28,061
♪ You'll probably go far

1148
01:09:28,600 --> 01:09:32,821
♪ Two and two are four

1149
01:09:33,320 --> 01:09:37,666
♪ Four and four are eight

1150
01:09:37,960 --> 01:09:41,999
♪ Eight and eight are 16

1151
01:09:42,000 --> 01:09:46,824
♪ 16 and 16 are 32 ♪

1152
01:10:11,680 --> 01:10:13,386
Matty?

1153
01:10:13,680 --> 01:10:15,591
Matty.

1154
01:10:16,120 --> 01:10:17,951
Matty.

1155
01:10:19,760 --> 01:10:22,831
(SOBBING) No. No.

1156
01:10:27,360 --> 01:10:29,100
(LINE RINGING)

1157
01:10:29,240 --> 01:10:30,866
Matty?

1158
01:10:33,000 --> 01:10:34,945
Oh, Matty!

1159
01:10:43,920 --> 01:10:46,866
(INAUDIBLE)

1160
01:10:47,200 --> 01:10:50,180
We'll let you know as soon
as there's any information.

1161
01:11:25,920 --> 01:11:29,629
- Hey, Maureen.
- Oh!

1162
01:11:33,000 --> 01:11:35,184
Ah...

1163
01:11:43,720 --> 01:11:46,959
Oh, you came, too!

1164
01:11:46,960 --> 01:11:49,667
Yeah. Nothing on TV.

1165
01:11:50,080 --> 01:11:53,868
Uh, this is my dad. He drove me.

1166
01:11:53,880 --> 01:11:55,479
He'll probably say
something very moving.

1167
01:11:55,480 --> 01:11:57,639
I'm sorry to hear
about your son, Maureen.

1168
01:11:57,640 --> 01:12:01,349
It's not one of his
best attempts, is it?

1169
01:12:02,000 --> 01:12:04,959
I'm really... I'm really
grateful you're all...

1170
01:12:04,960 --> 01:12:07,319
(CHUCKLES) You're all here.

1171
01:12:07,320 --> 01:12:09,106
Of course we're here.

1172
01:12:14,480 --> 01:12:16,079
This isn't tea.

1173
01:12:16,080 --> 01:12:17,239
No, I know. It's hot chocolate.

1174
01:12:17,240 --> 01:12:18,839
- But I asked for tea.
- Well, I was buying

1175
01:12:18,840 --> 01:12:20,759
and I don't like the smell of tea.

1176
01:12:20,760 --> 01:12:23,547
- So, when you buy rounds in pubs...
- Pink gins.

1177
01:12:23,920 --> 01:12:25,639
Then you never have to
buy a round ever again.

1178
01:12:25,640 --> 01:12:27,359
It's clever, right, hmm?

1179
01:12:27,360 --> 01:12:29,146
Is JJ still not here, then?

1180
01:12:29,520 --> 01:12:31,599
I... I couldn't get through to him.

1181
01:12:31,600 --> 01:12:33,479
He's probably not
picked up his messages.

1182
01:12:33,480 --> 01:12:35,999
Yeah, it's either that or he doesn't
really care. It's one or the other.

1183
01:12:36,000 --> 01:12:38,719
I genuinely don't know
how you've survived her.

1184
01:12:38,720 --> 01:12:40,359
- Ear plugs.
- I am going to make you

1185
01:12:40,360 --> 01:12:41,639
go and sit in the car in a minute.

1186
01:12:41,640 --> 01:12:43,959
Ear plugs and pink gin.

1187
01:12:43,960 --> 01:12:46,542
MAUREEN: He wasn't the
reason I was up there.

1188
01:12:46,680 --> 01:12:48,227
Matty.

1189
01:12:49,120 --> 01:12:50,746
He wasn't.

1190
01:12:52,040 --> 01:12:53,541
No?

1191
01:12:54,160 --> 01:12:57,391
There were lots of reasons
I was up on that roof.

1192
01:12:58,480 --> 01:13:01,301
You once asked me why, Jess.

1193
01:13:02,160 --> 01:13:05,982
And... I said... I
said I felt helpless.

1194
01:13:11,280 --> 01:13:16,104
But the truth is, I'd not... I'd not
done a list for living and a list for...

1195
01:13:17,640 --> 01:13:21,622
It... It was a
feeling. Not a thought.

1196
01:13:24,400 --> 01:13:26,584
But not one of those reasons

1197
01:13:28,640 --> 01:13:31,268
was that I didn't love my son.

1198
01:13:31,320 --> 01:13:33,359
Not one of them, not one.

1199
01:13:33,360 --> 01:13:35,191
(SOBBING)

1200
01:13:39,760 --> 01:13:42,024
Maureen, we know that.

1201
01:13:49,040 --> 01:13:53,519
Oh, God! Oh, no, no, no, no, no...

1202
01:13:53,520 --> 01:13:54,759
- No, no, no.
- Don't tell me...

1203
01:13:54,760 --> 01:13:56,799
He's fine. Maureen. Maureen...

1204
01:13:56,800 --> 01:13:58,631
He's fine.

1205
01:13:59,280 --> 01:14:01,119
- What?
- We're gonna keep monitoring him.

1206
01:14:01,120 --> 01:14:03,110
But he's no longer critical.

1207
01:14:03,320 --> 01:14:06,159
- He'll be fine.
- MARTIN: He'll be fine?

1208
01:14:06,160 --> 01:14:08,599
- Yeah, he'll be fine.
- OK.

1209
01:14:08,600 --> 01:14:10,119
(MARTIN CHUCKLES)

1210
01:14:10,120 --> 01:14:12,199
Now, the tubes look
worse than they are.

1211
01:14:12,200 --> 01:14:15,199
We'll remove some tonight and the
rest, hopefully, will be out tomorrow.

1212
01:14:15,200 --> 01:14:18,759
Oh! I should have seen it coming.

1213
01:14:18,760 --> 01:14:21,119
If he'd had... If he'd
had proper care then...

1214
01:14:21,120 --> 01:14:25,022
Maureen... you saved him.

1215
01:14:25,440 --> 01:14:28,147
It was a myocardial infarction.

1216
01:14:29,720 --> 01:14:32,159
He... He had a heart
attack of sorts.

1217
01:14:32,160 --> 01:14:34,469
His symptoms were almost invisible.

1218
01:14:35,320 --> 01:14:39,745
I didn't notice it. I was
monitoring it and I didn't...

1219
01:14:40,960 --> 01:14:43,030
But you caught it.

1220
01:14:43,560 --> 01:14:45,710
You saved his life.

1221
01:14:50,360 --> 01:14:52,624
Matty's a very lucky
boy to have you.

1222
01:14:54,760 --> 01:14:56,910
I only had one thought.

1223
01:14:58,000 --> 01:14:59,706
When he...

1224
01:15:01,960 --> 01:15:05,145
If he dies, I die.

1225
01:15:06,760 --> 01:15:08,864
Well, he lived.

1226
01:15:12,600 --> 01:15:18,061
(STAMMERING) And maybe he feels the
same way about you as you do about him.

1227
01:15:19,280 --> 01:15:21,509
Have you ever considered that?

1228
01:15:31,720 --> 01:15:33,919
- It's Valentine's Day.
- Mmm-hmm.

1229
01:15:33,920 --> 01:15:35,039
- Martin.
- Yeah?

1230
01:15:35,040 --> 01:15:36,919
- Today is Valentine's Day.
- Good.

1231
01:15:36,920 --> 01:15:38,079
- Martin.
- Yeah.

1232
01:15:38,080 --> 01:15:41,319
Breakfast TV's completely messed
up your brain, hasn't it? Come on.

1233
01:15:41,320 --> 01:15:44,639
- Oh, JJ! The pact!
- Get Maureen. I'm gonna find JJ now.

1234
01:15:44,640 --> 01:15:46,790
Yeah. Oh, shit.

1235
01:16:08,120 --> 01:16:11,119
(PANTING)
Have you... Have you seen JJ?

1236
01:16:11,120 --> 01:16:13,079
JJ is gone.

1237
01:16:13,080 --> 01:16:14,759
- Gone?
- Yeah, he's a prick.

1238
01:16:14,760 --> 01:16:18,150
He left over a week ago.
He didn't even serve notice.

1239
01:16:18,360 --> 01:16:24,230
That prick you're talking about, Paolo,
happens to be my daughter's friend.

1240
01:16:24,880 --> 01:16:26,950
And you'd do well to remember that.

1241
01:16:33,960 --> 01:16:36,199
You are called Paolo, aren't you?

1242
01:16:36,200 --> 01:16:38,543
(STAMMERING)

1243
01:16:38,920 --> 01:16:42,151
It's just that it says
Paolo's Place outside and you

1244
01:16:42,600 --> 01:16:46,582
certainly sound Italian.
You look Italian and...

1245
01:16:48,560 --> 01:16:51,381
- Love your tats.
- Come on, Dad.

1246
01:16:54,400 --> 01:16:56,823
(PANTING)

1247
01:16:59,120 --> 01:17:02,119
- (WOMAN OVER INTERCOM) Hello?
- Oh, er... yes. Hi, hi, hello.

1248
01:17:02,120 --> 01:17:04,588
- What?
- I'm looking for JJ.

1249
01:17:05,000 --> 01:17:07,741
- Who?
- John Julius.

1250
01:17:27,440 --> 01:17:28,987
Oh, JJ.

1251
01:17:36,800 --> 01:17:38,381
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

1252
01:18:06,480 --> 01:18:09,187
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

1253
01:18:31,360 --> 01:18:33,271
(JJ SHIVERING)

1254
01:18:40,600 --> 01:18:42,704
I hoped you wouldn't be up here.

1255
01:18:44,920 --> 01:18:48,759
You know, three people have killed
themselves from this building

1256
01:18:48,760 --> 01:18:50,944
between New Year's and today?

1257
01:18:52,200 --> 01:18:57,103
Sue Chalmott, housewife
and manic depressive.

1258
01:18:57,360 --> 01:19:02,159
Um, David Frommet, banker
who lost everything.

1259
01:19:02,160 --> 01:19:07,119
And, er, Ben Peterson.
He was only 15.

1260
01:19:07,120 --> 01:19:10,799
So, you're going to join them?

1261
01:19:10,800 --> 01:19:13,199
I kept to the pact, Martin, OK?

1262
01:19:13,200 --> 01:19:16,988
This, me, it's none
of your business now.

1263
01:19:17,120 --> 01:19:21,944
True. Why, though, JJ?
Why are you up here?

1264
01:19:22,520 --> 01:19:27,742
That's the thing, Martin.
I... I didn't lie to you.

1265
01:19:28,040 --> 01:19:31,919
- I don't know.
- You... don't know?

1266
01:19:31,920 --> 01:19:35,159
And that makes my reason
better than any of yours.

1267
01:19:35,160 --> 01:19:38,106
I wasn't aware that
this was a competition.

1268
01:19:39,120 --> 01:19:43,830
You see, all Jess needs
is to feel important.

1269
01:19:44,680 --> 01:19:49,390
Maureen, she needs to feel loved.

1270
01:19:50,400 --> 01:19:54,791
And you, you just... You
just need to grow a brain.

1271
01:19:55,920 --> 01:19:57,546
Fair enough.

1272
01:19:58,040 --> 01:20:02,784
See, you can solve your
problems, but me, I can't.

1273
01:20:03,080 --> 01:20:04,559
Just, Martin... Martin, stop.

1274
01:20:04,560 --> 01:20:09,065
Martin, just stop walking.
Three steps and I'm gone. Just...

1275
01:20:10,600 --> 01:20:12,340
Oh, God!

1276
01:20:12,600 --> 01:20:16,309
Look, I'm just... I'm just tired

1277
01:20:17,480 --> 01:20:21,719
of, er, of being
scared all the time

1278
01:20:21,720 --> 01:20:24,222
and not knowing why.
I'm tired of being...

1279
01:20:24,760 --> 01:20:29,345
Trying... Trying to
change and not knowing how.

1280
01:20:29,680 --> 01:20:35,220
You know, leaving my latest
shit band, moving countries.

1281
01:20:37,600 --> 01:20:41,582
Because however much I do change,

1282
01:20:43,840 --> 01:20:45,705
I'm left with me.

1283
01:20:50,880 --> 01:20:53,181
Sounds like you've got
it all worked out, JJ.

1284
01:20:53,320 --> 01:20:57,347
It's logical. The reason why you wanna
die is because you don't wanna live.

1285
01:20:57,880 --> 01:20:59,239
(SOBBING)

1286
01:20:59,240 --> 01:21:01,185
It's as simple as that, right?

1287
01:21:01,520 --> 01:21:03,545
I used to think like that, too.

1288
01:21:03,880 --> 01:21:05,427
JJ.

1289
01:21:08,080 --> 01:21:09,839
- And then there were four.
- Don't you get it?

1290
01:21:09,840 --> 01:21:11,879
I mean, we made it, all right?

1291
01:21:11,880 --> 01:21:15,039
We all made it to Valentine's
Day and nothing, OK?

1292
01:21:15,040 --> 01:21:17,827
Nothing, absolutely
nothing has changed!

1293
01:21:18,800 --> 01:21:20,919
But everything has changed.

1294
01:21:20,920 --> 01:21:22,910
- What?
- MAUREEN: Everything.

1295
01:21:24,160 --> 01:21:27,479
We are standing in entirely
different positions,

1296
01:21:27,480 --> 01:21:30,028
- for one thing.
- (SCOFFS)

1297
01:21:30,200 --> 01:21:32,759
I didn't ever want to be up here again,
JJ. I'm pretty sure none of us did.

1298
01:21:32,760 --> 01:21:37,151
He's right. You know,
it's shit up here.

1299
01:21:37,760 --> 01:21:39,671
- (SIGHS)
- MAUREEN: I... I hope...

1300
01:21:40,680 --> 01:21:44,184
I think we still matter to you, JJ.

1301
01:21:45,440 --> 01:21:48,386
I mean, why else would
you pick Valentine's Day?

1302
01:21:49,680 --> 01:21:51,750
You may think you want to die,

1303
01:21:52,880 --> 01:21:55,109
but you knew we'd look for you.

1304
01:21:57,320 --> 01:21:59,159
MARTIN: We're not up
here because we wanna die.

1305
01:21:59,160 --> 01:22:00,946
We're here for you.

1306
01:22:01,000 --> 01:22:02,945
The Topper House Four.

1307
01:22:03,640 --> 01:22:05,959
We belong together. We're a team.

1308
01:22:05,960 --> 01:22:09,359
We're the worst team the world has
ever known and if I was picking,

1309
01:22:09,360 --> 01:22:12,431
none of you would have made it
onto the subs' bench, but still,

1310
01:22:12,480 --> 01:22:14,027
we're a team.

1311
01:22:17,320 --> 01:22:21,222
I know, it's not much, son.

1312
01:22:21,720 --> 01:22:28,626
But maybe we're a start.

1313
01:22:42,480 --> 01:22:44,823
You can't even see the bottom.

1314
01:23:05,320 --> 01:23:07,390
(TYPING)

1315
01:23:07,560 --> 01:23:09,221
MARTIN: Hello?

1316
01:23:10,440 --> 01:23:13,239
Hello? Can anybody hear me?

1317
01:23:13,240 --> 01:23:15,479
JJ: We can hear you
and see you, Martin.

1318
01:23:15,480 --> 01:23:17,559
Bonsoir, Martin.

1319
01:23:17,560 --> 01:23:20,079
- Where's the button for this?
- (COMPUTER BEEPS)

1320
01:23:20,080 --> 01:23:21,759
Oh, hiya.

1321
01:23:21,760 --> 01:23:25,319
Maureen, is that
glitter on your face?

1322
01:23:25,320 --> 01:23:27,799
No, no, no... Yes. (CHUCKLES)

1323
01:23:27,800 --> 01:23:29,639
Matty... Matty seems
to like glitter.

1324
01:23:29,640 --> 01:23:34,159
And we're having a kind of
a... Well, New Year's Eve party.

1325
01:23:34,160 --> 01:23:36,719
Maureen, you rager!

1326
01:23:36,720 --> 01:23:38,479
Jess, please!

1327
01:23:38,480 --> 01:23:41,319
I'm trying to keep the
noise down out here, OK? Shh.

1328
01:23:41,320 --> 01:23:44,239
MAUREEN: It was Dr Stephen's,
er... Robert's idea, actually.

1329
01:23:44,240 --> 01:23:46,799
Yeah, he's been hugely helpful.

1330
01:23:46,800 --> 01:23:48,599
In return for me
joining his quiz team,

1331
01:23:48,600 --> 01:23:52,559
which has caused much controversy because
I was supposed to join another quiz team

1332
01:23:52,560 --> 01:23:54,425
and it's kind of complicated.

1333
01:23:54,440 --> 01:23:56,759
- Sounds complicated.
- (LAUGHS)

1334
01:23:56,760 --> 01:23:58,119
I saw your Dad got promoted, Jess.

1335
01:23:58,120 --> 01:23:59,479
OK, we must have
better news than that.

1336
01:23:59,480 --> 01:24:01,759
Come on, somebody
say something. Martin?

1337
01:24:01,760 --> 01:24:04,359
Why don't you stoke up this party?

1338
01:24:04,360 --> 01:24:08,228
Why don't you tell us about some of
your most recent bedtime conquests?

1339
01:24:08,600 --> 01:24:12,786
Well, I'm often asleep by
10:00, on my own, exhausted.

1340
01:24:13,400 --> 01:24:17,188
Are children famous for getting you
up early in the morning? I had no idea.

1341
01:24:17,680 --> 01:24:20,839
God, when did we all turn into
Little House on the fucking Prairie?

1342
01:24:20,840 --> 01:24:22,990
- (LAUGHS)
- MAUREEN: I've missed you...

1343
01:24:23,440 --> 01:24:25,679
- All.
- JJ: You know, I, uh...

1344
01:24:25,680 --> 01:24:29,104
I got something to
say. My therapist...

1345
01:24:29,120 --> 01:24:30,679
Therapist? There we
go, that's some news.

1346
01:24:30,680 --> 01:24:32,799
Did you all know JJ
is now officially mad?

1347
01:24:32,800 --> 01:24:34,399
JJ: Er... Jess...

1348
01:24:34,400 --> 01:24:36,079
You see a therapist, too.

1349
01:24:36,080 --> 01:24:38,079
Yeah, of course, but all the best
people are mad, in my opinion.

1350
01:24:38,080 --> 01:24:40,150
- (LAUGHS)
- JJ: My therapist

1351
01:24:40,440 --> 01:24:43,511
told me a story, a true
story about this guy

1352
01:24:43,680 --> 01:24:45,999
who survived jumping off
the Golden Gate bridge.

1353
01:24:46,000 --> 01:24:47,919
It's an anecdote,
it's not strictly news.

1354
01:24:47,920 --> 01:24:53,639
The moment he jumped he realised that
the only thing in his life he couldn't fix

1355
01:24:53,640 --> 01:24:55,949
was the thing he'd just done.

1356
01:24:56,320 --> 01:24:59,959
I mean, can you imagine those,
those five seconds as he fell?

1357
01:24:59,960 --> 01:25:02,079
The agony of that.

1358
01:25:02,080 --> 01:25:03,479
Well, to me...

1359
01:25:03,480 --> 01:25:10,465
It feels like I fell without
falling because of you guys.

1360
01:25:11,280 --> 01:25:17,230
I had my five seconds up on
that roof and not in the air.

1361
01:25:17,480 --> 01:25:21,029
Hmm. Five seconds.

1362
01:25:22,160 --> 01:25:24,788
We each gave each
other five seconds.

1363
01:25:25,680 --> 01:25:27,625
I like that, JJ.

1364
01:25:27,880 --> 01:25:33,079
And then five seconds turned
into a year, into a life sentence.

1365
01:25:33,080 --> 01:25:35,719
You people make me
want to kill myself.

1366
01:25:35,720 --> 01:25:37,346
(ALL LAUGHING)

1367
01:25:37,360 --> 01:25:38,679
ROBERT: Maureen, are you coming?

1368
01:25:38,680 --> 01:25:40,519
No, no, I'm just
talking to my friends.

1369
01:25:40,520 --> 01:25:43,399
ROBERT: It's almost midnight and
we're doing the Lambada, come on.

1370
01:25:43,400 --> 01:25:44,719
Maureen, where are you going?

1371
01:25:44,720 --> 01:25:46,199
Maureen!

1372
01:25:46,200 --> 01:25:47,399
- MAUREEN: Happy New Year!
- (LAUGHING)

1373
01:25:47,400 --> 01:25:49,425
OK.

1374
01:25:49,640 --> 01:25:53,719
OK, what just happened? Did Maureen just
make us look like we're the square ones?

1375
01:25:53,720 --> 01:25:57,588
Remember, you're the one who
accused her of having too many cats.

1376
01:25:57,640 --> 01:25:58,999
Time to sign off.

1377
01:25:59,000 --> 01:26:00,519
Happy New Year, Jess.

1378
01:26:00,520 --> 01:26:02,226
Happy New Year, Martin.

1379
01:26:04,600 --> 01:26:07,148
Happy New Year, Jess.

1380
01:26:07,600 --> 01:26:09,909
Happy New Year, John Julius.

1381
01:26:16,040 --> 01:26:19,359
We could go to a party, you know?

1382
01:26:19,360 --> 01:26:23,519
In case you were worried about
being upstaged by Maureen.

1383
01:26:23,520 --> 01:26:26,159
Well, that's just the
problem, though, isn't it?

1384
01:26:26,160 --> 01:26:28,549
I don't really want
to go to a party.

1385
01:26:28,720 --> 01:26:29,999
Yeah.

1386
01:26:30,000 --> 01:26:32,423
I think you've broken me.

1387
01:26:34,160 --> 01:26:36,599
- Don't smile.
- No?

1388
01:26:36,600 --> 01:26:38,359
- I will kill you...
- I know.

1389
01:26:38,360 --> 01:26:40,385
If you smile.

1390
01:26:43,320 --> 01:26:44,901
(GIGGLING)

1391
01:26:49,120 --> 01:26:55,229
Come on. Up to bed, sleepy
head. There you go. Good girl.

1392
01:26:58,400 --> 01:27:02,302
There you go. Oh,
yes, there you go.

1393
01:27:02,400 --> 01:27:05,359
Is it midnight yet?

1394
01:27:05,360 --> 01:27:08,261
Yes, it is.

1395
01:27:08,960 --> 01:27:12,623
You made it. (CHUCKLES)
Another new year.

1396
01:27:13,600 --> 01:27:15,431
Here we go.

1397
01:27:16,840 --> 01:27:19,866
("NO MORE RUNNING"
MICHAEL KIWANUKA)

1398
01:30:02,360 --> 01:30:04,271
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)