1
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:18,261
I was sitting with my friend
Arthur Kornblum in a restaurant.
2
00:02:18,396 --> 00:02:21,598
It was a Horn & Hardart cafeteria.
3
00:02:21,732 --> 00:02:26,274
And this beautiful girl walked in,
and I turned to Arthur
4
00:02:26,402 --> 00:02:31,478
and I said "Arthur, you see that girl?
I'm going to marry her."
5
00:02:31,614 --> 00:02:34,235
And two weeks later
we were married.
6
00:02:34,367 --> 00:02:37,699
And it's over 50 years later,
7
00:02:37,828 --> 00:02:40,069
and we're still married.
8
00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:56,505
- I love you.
- I love you.
9
00:03:31,037 --> 00:03:34,121
Oh, hi, Sally.
Sally, this is Harry Burns.
10
00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:37,616
- Harry, this is Sally Albright.
- Nice to meet you.
11
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:41,201
- Wanna drive the first shift?
- No, you're there already. You can start.
12
00:03:41,337 --> 00:03:43,578
Back's open.
13
00:03:44,506 --> 00:03:47,175
- Call me.
- I'll call you as soon as I get there.
14
00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:51,379
- Call me from the road.
- I'll call you before that.
15
00:03:51,512 --> 00:03:54,631
- I love you.
- I love you.
16
00:03:58,976 --> 00:04:00,467
Sorry.
17
00:04:01,061 --> 00:04:02,833
- I miss you already.
- I miss you.
18
00:04:02,833 --> 00:04:05,899
- I miss you already. Bye.
- Bye.
19
00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:25,866
I have it all figured out.
It's an 18-hour trip,
20
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,320
which breaks down into
six shifts of three hours each,
21
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:31,422
or, alternatively,
we could break it down by mileage.
22
00:04:32,086 --> 00:04:35,786
There's a...
There's a map on the visor
23
00:04:35,922 --> 00:04:39,836
that I've... marked to show
the locations where we can change shifts.
24
00:04:39,967 --> 00:04:41,527
Grape?
25
00:04:41,969 --> 00:04:44,435
No. I don't like to eat
between meals.
26
00:04:48,849 --> 00:04:51,340
I'll roll down the window.
27
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:01,984
Why don't you tell me
the story of your life?
28
00:05:03,986 --> 00:05:05,113
The story of my life?
29
00:05:05,113 --> 00:05:07,523
We got 18 hours to kill
before we hit New York.
30
00:05:08,323 --> 00:05:10,633
The story of my life doesn't
even get us out of Chicago.
31
00:05:10,633 --> 00:05:12,428
I mean, nothing's
happened to me yet.
32
00:05:12,463 --> 00:05:14,749
- That's why I'm going to New York.
- So something'll happen to you?
33
00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:16,132
- Yes.
- Like what?
34
00:05:16,538 --> 00:05:19,029
Like I'm going to journalism school
to become a reporter.
35
00:05:19,151 --> 00:05:21,762
So you can write about things
that happen to other people.
36
00:05:23,210 --> 00:05:26,123
- That's one way to look at it.
- Suppose nothing happens to you.
37
00:05:26,296 --> 00:05:28,288
Suppose you live there your whole life
and nothing happens,
38
00:05:28,288 --> 00:05:30,285
you never meet anybody,
you never become anything,
39
00:05:30,285 --> 00:05:32,256
then you finally die
one of those New York deaths
40
00:05:32,256 --> 00:05:35,743
when nobody notices for two weeks
until the smell drifts into the hallway.
41
00:05:38,347 --> 00:05:41,513
- Amanda mentioned you had a dark side.
- That's what drew her to me.
42
00:05:41,606 --> 00:05:45,021
- Your dark side?
- Sure. Why, don't you have a dark side?
43
00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:47,213
I know, you're probably
one of those cheerful people
44
00:05:47,213 --> 00:05:49,029
who dots your "i"s
with little hearts.
45
00:05:49,064 --> 00:05:51,608
I have just as much of
a dark side as the next person.
46
00:05:51,733 --> 00:05:55,267
Oh, really? When I buy a new book,
I always read the last page first.
47
00:05:55,402 --> 00:05:58,189
That way, in case I die before I finish,
I know how it ends.
48
00:05:58,321 --> 00:06:00,729
That, my friend,
is a dark side.
49
00:06:00,865 --> 00:06:02,480
That doesn't mean
you're deep or anything.
50
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,675
I mean... yes, basically
I'm a happy person.
51
00:06:05,675 --> 00:06:06,218
So am I.
52
00:06:06,218 --> 00:06:08,120
And I don't see that
there's anything wrong with that.
53
00:06:08,288 --> 00:06:09,943
Of course not, you're
too busy being happy.
54
00:06:10,095 --> 00:06:11,648
Do you ever think
about death?
55
00:06:11,683 --> 00:06:13,830
- Yes.
- Sure you do. A fleeting thought
56
00:06:13,959 --> 00:06:15,631
that you're just sending out
of the transom of your mind.
57
00:06:15,631 --> 00:06:17,563
I spend hours, I spend days.
58
00:06:17,563 --> 00:06:19,653
And you think
this makes you a better person.
59
00:06:19,672 --> 00:06:22,640
Look, when the shit comes down,
I'm gonna be prepared and you're not.
60
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:23,592
That's all I'm sayin'.
61
00:06:23,627 --> 00:06:26,611
In the meantime, you're gonna
ruin your whole life waiting for it.
62
00:06:34,892 --> 00:06:36,430
- You're wrong.
- I'm not wrong.
63
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:38,493
- You're wrong.
- He wants her to leave.
64
00:06:38,493 --> 00:06:41,574
- That's why he puts her on the plane.
- I don't think she wants to stay.
65
00:06:41,574 --> 00:06:43,054
Of course she wants to stay.
66
00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:45,742
Wouldn't you rather be with
Humphrey Bogart than the other guy?
67
00:06:45,985 --> 00:06:49,174
I don't wanna spend
the rest of my life in Casablanca
68
00:06:49,174 --> 00:06:51,375
married to a man
who runs a bar.
69
00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:53,736
That probably sounds
very snobbish to you, but I don't.
70
00:06:53,866 --> 00:06:57,474
- You'd rather be in a passionless marriage...
- And be the First Lady of Czechoslovakia.
71
00:06:57,474 --> 00:07:00,446
And live with a man man you had
the greatest sex of your life with,
72
00:07:00,580 --> 00:07:03,331
just because he owns a bar
and that is all he does?
73
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:04,867
Yes.
74
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,450
And so would any woman in
her right mind. Women are practical,
75
00:07:08,586 --> 00:07:13,547
even Ingrid Bergman, which is why she
gets on the plane at the end of the movie.
76
00:07:16,426 --> 00:07:18,584
I understand.
77
00:07:18,719 --> 00:07:21,174
- What? What?
- Nothing.
78
00:07:21,722 --> 00:07:23,678
- What?
- Forget about it.
79
00:07:23,807 --> 00:07:26,262
- Forget about what? Forget about what?
- It's not important.
80
00:07:26,392 --> 00:07:28,431
No, just tell me.
81
00:07:29,061 --> 00:07:31,982
Obviously, you haven't had
great sex yet.
82
00:07:32,021 --> 00:07:34,263
- Two, please.
- Right over there.
83
00:07:34,398 --> 00:07:36,521
- Yes, I have.
- No, you haven't.
84
00:07:36,650 --> 00:07:40,350
It just so happens that
I have had plenty of good sex.
85
00:07:58,501 --> 00:08:00,518
With whom?
86
00:08:01,128 --> 00:08:04,792
- What?
- With whom did you have this great sex?
87
00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:07,045
I'm not gonna tell you that.
88
00:08:07,341 --> 00:08:09,169
Fine. Don't tell me.
89
00:08:14,514 --> 00:08:18,297
- Shel Gordon.
- Shel. Sheldon?
90
00:08:18,434 --> 00:08:21,766
No. No, you did not have
great sex with... Sheldon.
91
00:08:21,895 --> 00:08:24,316
- I did, too.
- No, you didn't.
92
00:08:24,730 --> 00:08:26,854
A Sheldon can do
your income taxes.
93
00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:29,329
If you need a root canal,
Sheldon's your man.
94
00:08:29,329 --> 00:08:32,483
But humpin' and pumpin' is not
Sheldon's strong suit. It's the name.
95
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:35,178
"Do it to me, Sheldon."
"You're an animal... Sheldon."
96
00:08:35,178 --> 00:08:37,733
"Ride me, big... Sheldon."
97
00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:40,132
- It doesn't work.
- Hi.
98
00:08:40,535 --> 00:08:42,990
- What can I get you?
- I'll have a number three.
99
00:08:44,367 --> 00:08:46,861
I'd like the chef's salad, please, with
the oil and vinegar on the side.
100
00:08:46,861 --> 00:08:48,328
And the apple pie a la mode.
101
00:08:48,458 --> 00:08:51,743
Chef and apple a la mode.
102
00:08:51,877 --> 00:08:54,798
But I'd like the pie heated
and I don't want the ice cream on top,
103
00:08:54,798 --> 00:08:55,768
I want it on the side.
104
00:08:55,768 --> 00:08:57,961
And I'd like strawberry
instead of vanilla, if you have it.
105
00:08:57,961 --> 00:09:00,776
If not, then no ice cream,
just whipped cream, but only if it's real.
106
00:09:00,776 --> 00:09:02,148
If it's out of a can, then nothing.
107
00:09:02,344 --> 00:09:06,429
- Not even the pie?
- No, just the pie, but then not heated.
108
00:09:06,430 --> 00:09:07,969
Uh-huh.
109
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:15,666
- What?
- Nothin'. Nothin'.
110
00:09:17,940 --> 00:09:19,766
So, how come
you broke up with Sheldon?
111
00:09:19,766 --> 00:09:21,390
How do you know
we broke up?
112
00:09:21,390 --> 00:09:23,523
Because, if you didn't break up,
you wouldn't be here with me.
113
00:09:23,523 --> 00:09:25,906
You'd be off with Sheldon
the Wonder Schlong.
114
00:09:27,008 --> 00:09:30,148
First of all,
I am not with you.
115
00:09:30,283 --> 00:09:33,865
And second of all, it is none
of your business why we broke up.
116
00:09:33,993 --> 00:09:37,155
You're right, you're right.
I don't wanna know.
117
00:09:40,124 --> 00:09:42,978
Well, if you must know,
it was because he was very jealous
118
00:09:42,978 --> 00:09:45,076
and I had these
days-of-the-week underpants.
119
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,119
I'm sorry, I need
a judge's ruling on this.
120
00:09:48,163 --> 00:09:50,793
- Days-of-the-week underpants?
- Yes.
121
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:54,209
They had days of the week on them
and I thought they were sort of funny.
122
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:57,961
And then one day Sheldon says to me
"You never wear Sunday."
123
00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:01,132
He's all suspicious. Where was Sunday?
Where had I left Sunday?
124
00:10:01,266 --> 00:10:03,424
And I told him
and he didn't believe me.
125
00:10:03,893 --> 00:10:06,810
- What?
- They don't make Sunday.
126
00:10:06,937 --> 00:10:10,305
- Why not?
- Because of God.
127
00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:18,856
Okay, so 15%
of my share is... 90.
128
00:10:19,572 --> 00:10:20,999
6.90.
129
00:10:24,534 --> 00:10:26,838
Let's leave seven.
130
00:10:29,747 --> 00:10:31,756
What?
131
00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:35,230
Do I have
something on my face?
132
00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:38,625
You're a very attractive person.
133
00:10:40,797 --> 00:10:41,995
Thank you.
134
00:10:42,132 --> 00:10:44,338
Amanda never said
how attractive you were.
135
00:10:44,467 --> 00:10:47,152
Well, maybe she doesn't think
I'm attractive.
136
00:10:47,261 --> 00:10:51,244
I don't think it's a matter of opinion.
Empirically, you are attractive.
137
00:10:53,307 --> 00:10:55,430
Amanda is my friend.
138
00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:57,018
So?
139
00:10:57,144 --> 00:10:59,978
- So you're going with her.
- So?
140
00:11:00,105 --> 00:11:02,263
So you're coming on to me.
141
00:11:02,857 --> 00:11:04,713
No, I wasn't.
142
00:11:05,859 --> 00:11:07,117
What?
143
00:11:08,069 --> 00:11:11,881
Can't a man say a woman is attractive
without it being a come-on?
144
00:11:12,114 --> 00:11:13,470
All right, all right.
145
00:11:13,657 --> 00:11:18,318
Let's just say, just for the sake
of argument, that it was a come-on.
146
00:11:18,453 --> 00:11:22,450
What d'you want me to do about it?
I take it back, okay? I take it back.
147
00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:24,039
You can't take it back.
148
00:11:24,166 --> 00:11:26,834
- Why not?
- Because it's already out there.
149
00:11:26,959 --> 00:11:30,410
Oh, geez, what are we supposed to do?
Call the cops, it's already out there.
150
00:11:30,712 --> 00:11:33,582
Just let it lie.
151
00:11:33,715 --> 00:11:38,459
- Okay?
- Great. "Let it lie." That's my policy.
152
00:11:38,594 --> 00:11:41,677
That's what
I always say. "Let it lie."
153
00:11:41,805 --> 00:11:43,548
Wanna spend the night
in a motel?
154
00:11:43,681 --> 00:11:45,720
- See what I did? I didn't let it lie.
- Harry.
155
00:11:45,850 --> 00:11:47,047
I said I would,
and I didn't.
156
00:11:47,047 --> 00:11:48,230
- Harry!
- I walked the other way.
157
00:11:48,230 --> 00:11:49,642
- Harry.
- What?
158
00:11:49,769 --> 00:11:52,176
We are just
going to be friends, okay?
159
00:11:52,313 --> 00:11:54,788
Great. Friends.
It's the best thing.
160
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:59,186
You realize of course
that we could never be friends.
161
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:02,070
- Why not?
- What I'm saying is,
162
00:12:02,217 --> 00:12:05,155
and this is not a come-on
in any way, shape or form,
163
00:12:05,282 --> 00:12:07,045
is that men and women
can't be friends,
164
00:12:07,045 --> 00:12:09,587
because the sex part
always gets in the way.
165
00:12:11,704 --> 00:12:14,873
That's not true. I have
a number of men friends
166
00:12:14,873 --> 00:12:16,413
and there is
no sex involved.
167
00:12:16,413 --> 00:12:17,280
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.
168
00:12:17,416 --> 00:12:18,614
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.
169
00:12:18,751 --> 00:12:19,996
You only think you do.
170
00:12:20,127 --> 00:12:22,368
You're saying I'm having sex
with these men without my knowledge?
171
00:12:22,504 --> 00:12:25,427
No, what I'm saying is
they all wanna have sex with you.
172
00:12:25,965 --> 00:12:27,542
- They do not.
- Do, too.
173
00:12:27,758 --> 00:12:29,667
- They do not.
- Do, too.
174
00:12:29,947 --> 00:12:30,797
How do you know?
175
00:12:30,927 --> 00:12:34,046
Because no man can be friends
with a woman that he finds attractive.
176
00:12:34,180 --> 00:12:36,493
He always wants
to have sex with her.
177
00:12:37,015 --> 00:12:41,143
So, you're saying that a man can be friends
with a woman he finds unattractive.
178
00:12:41,436 --> 00:12:43,943
No, you pretty much
wanna nail them, too.
179
00:12:45,981 --> 00:12:48,057
What if they don't
wanna have sex with you?
180
00:12:48,191 --> 00:12:50,859
Doesn't matter. Because the sex thing
is already out there,
181
00:12:50,859 --> 00:12:54,044
so the friendship is ultimately doomed
and that is the end of the story.
182
00:12:54,613 --> 00:12:56,405
Well, I guess we're not
gonna be friends then.
183
00:12:56,405 --> 00:12:58,645
- Guess not.
- That's too bad.
184
00:12:59,575 --> 00:13:02,474
You were the only person
that I knew in New York.
185
00:13:41,234 --> 00:13:44,490
- Thanks for the ride.
- Yeah. It was interesting.
186
00:13:45,195 --> 00:13:47,933
- It was nice knowing you.
- Yeah.
187
00:13:57,288 --> 00:14:01,119
- Well, have a nice life.
- You, too.
188
00:14:18,805 --> 00:14:22,802
- We fell in love in high school.
- Yeah, we were high-school sweethearts.
189
00:14:22,934 --> 00:14:26,183
But then after our junior year
his parents moved away.
190
00:14:26,311 --> 00:14:30,439
- But I never forgot her.
- He never forgot me.
191
00:14:30,565 --> 00:14:33,933
No, her face
was burned on my brain.
192
00:14:34,067 --> 00:14:37,685
And it was 34 years later
that I was walking down Broadway
193
00:14:37,820 --> 00:14:39,943
and I saw her
come out of Toffenetti's.
194
00:14:40,072 --> 00:14:41,946
We both looked
at each other,
195
00:14:42,074 --> 00:14:46,450
and it was just as though
not a single day had gone by.
196
00:14:46,577 --> 00:14:50,574
She was just as beautiful
as she was at sixteen.
197
00:14:50,706 --> 00:14:52,947
He was just the same.
198
00:14:53,083 --> 00:14:55,324
He looked
exactly the same.
199
00:15:28,346 --> 00:15:30,689
Joe. I thought it was you.
I thought it was you.
200
00:15:30,821 --> 00:15:32,860
- Harry Burns.
- Harry, Harry. How ya doin'?
201
00:15:32,990 --> 00:15:35,815
- Good. How you doin'?
- Uh, fine. I'm doin' fine.
202
00:15:35,815 --> 00:15:38,178
That's great. I was just walking by
and I thought it was you.
203
00:15:38,178 --> 00:15:40,121
- And there it is, it was you.
- Yeah, yeah, it was.
204
00:15:40,371 --> 00:15:41,649
You still with the DA's office?
205
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,870
No, I switched to the other side.
W-what about you?
206
00:15:44,870 --> 00:15:48,657
I work with a small firm.
We do political consulting. Yeah, it's great.
207
00:15:50,677 --> 00:15:53,662
Oh, Harry, this is Sally Albright.
Harry Burns. Uh...
208
00:15:54,048 --> 00:15:57,002
Harry and I, we used to, uh...
We lived in the same building.
209
00:16:00,745 --> 00:16:03,231
Well, listen, I got a plane to catch.
It was really good to see you, Joe.
210
00:16:03,231 --> 00:16:05,086
- You too, Harry.
- Bye.
211
00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:13,046
Thank God
he couldn't place me.
212
00:16:13,046 --> 00:16:15,385
I drove from college to New York
with him five years ago
213
00:16:15,385 --> 00:16:18,244
and it was
the longest night of my life.
214
00:16:19,944 --> 00:16:22,861
- What happened?
- He made a pass at me. And when I said no,
215
00:16:22,988 --> 00:16:25,589
he was going
with a girlfriend of mine, uh...
216
00:16:26,991 --> 00:16:30,075
Oh, God,
I can't remember her name.
217
00:16:30,202 --> 00:16:31,642
Don't get involved
with me, Joe.
218
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:34,492
I am 26 years old and I can't
even remember the name of the girl
219
00:16:34,492 --> 00:16:35,593
I was such good friends with
220
00:16:35,593 --> 00:16:37,699
I wouldn't get involved
with her boyfriend.
221
00:16:38,292 --> 00:16:40,331
- So what happened?
- When?
222
00:16:40,460 --> 00:16:42,634
When-when he made
a pass at you, you said no...
223
00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:46,393
Oh, oh. I said
we could just be friends.
224
00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:47,653
And this part I remember.
225
00:16:47,653 --> 00:16:51,118
He said that men and women
could never really be friends.
226
00:16:52,473 --> 00:16:54,301
Do you think that's true?
227
00:16:55,397 --> 00:16:56,378
No.
228
00:16:56,667 --> 00:17:01,145
Do you have any women friends,
just friends?
229
00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:01,511
No.
230
00:17:01,953 --> 00:17:04,722
But I will get one
if it's important to you.
231
00:17:06,951 --> 00:17:11,109
Amanda Reese.
That was her name. Thank God.
232
00:17:11,109 --> 00:17:14,811
I will miss you.
I love you.
233
00:17:15,698 --> 00:17:19,236
- You do?
- Yes.
234
00:17:20,117 --> 00:17:22,132
I love you.
235
00:17:45,679 --> 00:17:48,217
- And what would you like to drink?
- Nothing, thanks.
236
00:17:48,406 --> 00:17:50,340
- D'you have any Bloody Mary mix?
- Yes.
237
00:17:50,475 --> 00:17:54,615
No, wait. Here's what I want.
Regular tomato juice,
238
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:55,816
fill it up
about three quarters,
239
00:17:55,816 --> 00:17:58,491
then add a splash of
Bloody Mary mix - just a splash -
240
00:17:58,491 --> 00:18:00,702
and a little piece of lime
on the side.
241
00:18:00,737 --> 00:18:02,715
The University of Chicago,
right?
242
00:18:04,220 --> 00:18:05,108
Yes.
243
00:18:05,108 --> 00:18:07,626
Did you look this good
at the University of Chicago?
244
00:18:07,697 --> 00:18:09,852
- No.
- Did we ever...?
245
00:18:10,687 --> 00:18:12,280
No. No.
246
00:18:13,076 --> 00:18:17,120
We drove from Chicago to New York
together after graduation.
247
00:18:17,246 --> 00:18:20,407
- Would you two like to sit together?
- Great! Thank you.
248
00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:28,997
You were a good friend of, um...
249
00:18:30,090 --> 00:18:33,540
Amanda's. I can't believe
you can't remember her name.
250
00:18:33,676 --> 00:18:36,166
What do you mean? I can remember.
Amanda, right? Amanda Rice.
251
00:18:36,303 --> 00:18:36,877
Reese.
252
00:18:36,877 --> 00:18:39,456
Reese, right. That's what I said.
Whatever happened to her?
253
00:18:39,456 --> 00:18:41,795
- I have no idea.
- You have no idea?
254
00:18:42,105 --> 00:18:43,510
You were really
good friends with her.
255
00:18:43,510 --> 00:18:45,830
We didn't make it
because you were such good friends.
256
00:18:45,865 --> 00:18:47,885
- You went with her.
- And was it worth it?
257
00:18:47,885 --> 00:18:50,219
The sacrifice for a friend that
you don't even keep in touch with?
258
00:18:50,356 --> 00:18:52,644
Harry, you might
not believe this,
259
00:18:52,774 --> 00:18:56,688
but I never considered
not sleeping with you a sacrifice.
260
00:18:56,944 --> 00:18:59,779
Fair enough. Fair enough.
261
00:19:02,991 --> 00:19:05,149
- You were gonna be a gymnast.
- A journalist.
262
00:19:05,284 --> 00:19:09,291
- Right, that's what I said. And?
- I am a journalist. I work at The News.
263
00:19:09,291 --> 00:19:11,532
Great. And you're with Joe.
264
00:19:11,581 --> 00:19:14,332
Well, that's great. Great.
265
00:19:14,659 --> 00:19:17,073
You're together, what,
three weeks?
266
00:19:18,129 --> 00:19:21,378
- A month. How did you know that?
- You take someone to the airport,
267
00:19:21,506 --> 00:19:23,413
it's clearly the beginning
of a relationship.
268
00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:25,540
That's why I have never
taken anyone to the airport
269
00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:27,571
at the beginning
of a relationship.
270
00:19:27,606 --> 00:19:30,090
- Why?
- Because eventually things move on
271
00:19:30,221 --> 00:19:31,737
and you don't take
someone to the airport.
272
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:33,527
And I never wanted anyone
to say to me:
273
00:19:33,599 --> 00:19:36,125
"How come you never take me
to the airport any more?"
274
00:19:37,268 --> 00:19:40,014
It's amazing.
You look like a normal person,
275
00:19:40,014 --> 00:19:42,380
but actually you are
the Angel of Death.
276
00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:43,783
Are you gonna marry him?
277
00:19:45,525 --> 00:19:47,403
We have only known
each other for a month
278
00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:50,724
and, besides, neither one of us
is looking into getting married right now.
279
00:19:50,724 --> 00:19:53,218
- I'm getting married.
- You are?
280
00:19:54,657 --> 00:19:56,930
- You are?
- Yeah.
281
00:19:57,618 --> 00:19:58,659
Who is she?
282
00:19:58,821 --> 00:20:01,752
Helen Hillson. She's a lawyer.
She's keeping her name.
283
00:20:03,314 --> 00:20:05,536
- You're getting married.
- Yeah.
284
00:20:06,625 --> 00:20:09,495
What's so funny about that?
285
00:20:10,962 --> 00:20:13,962
It, uh... It's just
so optimistic of you, Harry.
286
00:20:14,090 --> 00:20:17,006
Well, you'd be amazed what
falling madly in love can do for you.
287
00:20:17,134 --> 00:20:20,549
Well, it's wonderful. It's nice
to see you embracing life in this manner.
288
00:20:20,848 --> 00:20:22,967
Yeah. Plus, you know,
you just get to a certain point
289
00:20:22,967 --> 00:20:24,940
where you get tired
of the whole thing.
290
00:20:25,095 --> 00:20:28,341
- What whole thing?
- The whole "life of a single guy" thing.
291
00:20:28,577 --> 00:20:30,442
You meet someone,
you have the safe lunch,
292
00:20:30,442 --> 00:20:33,124
you decide to like each other or not
to move on to dinner.
293
00:20:33,124 --> 00:20:35,562
You go dancing,
you do the white man's overbite,
294
00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:38,635
you go back to her place,
you have sex,
295
00:20:38,635 --> 00:20:40,970
and the minute you're finished
you know what goes through your mind?
296
00:20:41,005 --> 00:20:42,911
"How long do I have
to lie here and hold her
297
00:20:42,911 --> 00:20:44,567
before I can get up
and go home?"
298
00:20:44,656 --> 00:20:46,715
"Is 30 seconds enough?"
299
00:20:47,029 --> 00:20:49,659
That's what you're thinking?
Is that true?
300
00:20:49,785 --> 00:20:52,215
Sure. All men think that.
301
00:20:52,561 --> 00:20:55,531
How long do you like to be
held afterwards? All night, right?
302
00:20:56,028 --> 00:20:57,102
See, that's the problem.
303
00:20:57,102 --> 00:20:59,934
Somewhere between 30 seconds
and all night is your problem.
304
00:21:00,251 --> 00:21:02,707
- I don't have a problem.
- Yeah, you do.
305
00:21:17,807 --> 00:21:20,298
- Staying over?
- Yes.
306
00:21:20,434 --> 00:21:24,052
Would you like to have dinner?
Just friends.
307
00:21:24,187 --> 00:21:26,805
I thought you didn't believe
men and women could be friends.
308
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,019
- When did I say that?
- On the ride to New York.
309
00:21:29,150 --> 00:21:31,391
No, no, no, no,
I never said that.
310
00:21:32,027 --> 00:21:35,810
Yes, that's right.
They can't be friends.
311
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,036
Unless both of them are involved
with other people.
312
00:21:38,036 --> 00:21:40,777
Then they can. This is
an amendment to the earlier rule.
313
00:21:40,777 --> 00:21:45,311
If two people are in relationships, the
pressure of possible involvement is lifted.
314
00:21:46,281 --> 00:21:48,301
That doesn't work either
because what happens then
315
00:21:48,301 --> 00:21:49,935
is the person you're involved with
can't understand
316
00:21:49,935 --> 00:21:51,954
why you need to be friends with
the person you're just friends with,
317
00:21:52,085 --> 00:21:54,231
like it means something
is missing from the relationship
318
00:21:54,231 --> 00:21:55,858
and you want to go outside
to get it.
319
00:21:55,893 --> 00:21:57,640
Then when you say "No, no, no, no,
it's not true,
320
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,175
nothing is missing
from our relationship",
321
00:21:59,175 --> 00:22:02,286
the person you're involved with and
accuses you of being secretly attracted
322
00:22:02,286 --> 00:22:04,533
to the person you're just friends with,
which you probably are.
323
00:22:04,533 --> 00:22:06,660
I mean, come on, who the hell
are we kidding? Let's face it.
324
00:22:06,695 --> 00:22:09,003
Which brings us back to the earlier rule
before the amendment, which is
325
00:22:09,140 --> 00:22:11,891
men and women can't be friends.
So where's that leave us?
326
00:22:11,974 --> 00:22:13,280
- Harry.
- What?
327
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:16,426
- Goodbye.
- Okay.
328
00:22:24,506 --> 00:22:27,230
I'll just stop walking.
I'll let you go ahead.
329
00:22:31,413 --> 00:22:33,405
We were married
40 years ago.
330
00:22:33,619 --> 00:22:37,234
We were married three years,
we got a divorce. Then I married Marjorie.
331
00:22:37,465 --> 00:22:39,908
- But first you lived with Barbara.
- Right, Barbara.
332
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,577
But I didn't marry Barbara.
I married Marjorie.
333
00:22:42,776 --> 00:22:45,911
- Then you got a divorce.
- Right. Then I married Katie.
334
00:22:46,044 --> 00:22:47,669
Another divorce.
335
00:22:47,796 --> 00:22:52,131
Then a couple of years later at
Eddie Collecio's funeral, I ran into her.
336
00:22:52,883 --> 00:22:55,587
I was with some girl
I don't even remember.
337
00:22:55,786 --> 00:22:58,470
- Roberta.
- Right. Roberta.
338
00:22:58,596 --> 00:23:01,003
But I couldn't
take my eyes off you.
339
00:23:01,140 --> 00:23:04,425
I remember I snuck over
to her and I said...
340
00:23:04,559 --> 00:23:07,678
- What did I say?
- You said "What are you doin' after?"
341
00:23:07,812 --> 00:23:12,389
Right. So I ditch Roberta, we go
for coffee, a month later we're married.
342
00:23:12,524 --> 00:23:15,608
35 years today
after our first marriage.
343
00:23:19,154 --> 00:23:20,778
I went through his pockets,
okay?
344
00:23:20,778 --> 00:23:22,581
Marie, why did you go
through his pockets?
345
00:23:22,581 --> 00:23:24,452
- You know what I found?
- No, what?
346
00:23:24,452 --> 00:23:26,073
They just bought
a dining-room table.
347
00:23:26,161 --> 00:23:29,552
I mean, his wife just went out and spent
1,600 dollars on a dining-room table.
348
00:23:29,552 --> 00:23:32,122
- Where?
- The point isn't where, Alice.
349
00:23:32,248 --> 00:23:34,626
The point is he's never
gonna leave her.
350
00:23:34,626 --> 00:23:37,037
So, what else is new?
You've known this for two years.
351
00:23:37,376 --> 00:23:39,665
You're right. You're right,
I know you're right.
352
00:23:39,916 --> 00:23:41,358
Why can't you find
someone single?
353
00:23:41,358 --> 00:23:43,923
When I was single,
I knew lots of nice single men.
354
00:23:44,049 --> 00:23:46,718
There must be someone.
Sally found someone.
355
00:23:46,843 --> 00:23:49,131
Well, Sally got
the last good one.
356
00:23:49,349 --> 00:23:51,135
- Joe and I broke up.
- What?
357
00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:52,841
- When?
- Monday.
358
00:23:52,973 --> 00:23:55,179
- You waited three days to tell us?
- Joe's available?
359
00:23:55,308 --> 00:23:58,379
For God's sake, Marie,
don't you have any feelings about this?
360
00:23:58,379 --> 00:24:00,683
- She's obviously upset.
- I'm not that upset.
361
00:24:00,683 --> 00:24:02,816
We'd been growing apart
for quite a while.
362
00:24:02,851 --> 00:24:04,231
But you guys were a couple.
363
00:24:04,357 --> 00:24:08,140
You had someone to go places with.
You had a date on national holidays.
364
00:24:08,319 --> 00:24:09,537
I said to myself
365
00:24:09,537 --> 00:24:12,253
"You deserve more than this.
You're 31 years old..."
366
00:24:12,288 --> 00:24:13,279
And the clock is ticking.
367
00:24:13,279 --> 00:24:16,702
No, the clock doesn't really start
to tick until you're 36.
368
00:24:16,737 --> 00:24:19,109
God, you're
in such great shape.
369
00:24:19,109 --> 00:24:23,115
Well, I've had a few days
to get used to it, and, uh... I feel okay.
370
00:24:23,325 --> 00:24:26,179
Good.
Then you're ready.
371
00:24:27,262 --> 00:24:30,125
- Really, Marie.
- Well, how else do you think you do it?
372
00:24:30,253 --> 00:24:31,816
I've got the perfect guy.
373
00:24:31,816 --> 00:24:34,306
I don't happen to find him
attractive, but you might.
374
00:24:34,341 --> 00:24:36,165
She doesn't have
a problem with chins.
375
00:24:36,369 --> 00:24:40,047
- Marie, I'm not ready yet.
- But you just said you were over him.
376
00:24:40,340 --> 00:24:43,628
I am over him,
but I'm in a mourning period.
377
00:24:46,307 --> 00:24:48,632
- Who is it?
- Alex Anderson.
378
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:52,593
You fixed me up with him
six years ago.
379
00:24:52,729 --> 00:24:55,220
Sorry. God.
380
00:24:55,499 --> 00:24:57,847
All right, wait.
Here. Here we go.
381
00:24:58,038 --> 00:25:01,565
- Ken Darman.
- He's been married for over a year.
382
00:25:01,736 --> 00:25:03,445
Really?
383
00:25:04,072 --> 00:25:05,816
Married.
384
00:25:06,323 --> 00:25:08,293
- Oh, wait. Wait, Wait.
- Look...
385
00:25:08,293 --> 00:25:08,694
I got one.
386
00:25:08,694 --> 00:25:11,711
There is no point in my going out
with someone I might really like
387
00:25:11,711 --> 00:25:13,081
if I met him at the right time,
388
00:25:13,081 --> 00:25:14,613
but who right now has no chance
389
00:25:14,613 --> 00:25:17,112
of being anything to me
but a transitional man.
390
00:25:17,147 --> 00:25:21,582
Okay, but don't wait too long. Remember
what happened with David Warsaw?
391
00:25:21,961 --> 00:25:23,489
His wife left him
and everyone said
392
00:25:23,489 --> 00:25:26,145
"Give him some time.
Don't move in too fast."
393
00:25:26,631 --> 00:25:29,005
Six months later
he was dead.
394
00:25:29,511 --> 00:25:31,708
What are you saying, I should
get married to someone right away
395
00:25:31,708 --> 00:25:33,322
in case he's about to die?
396
00:25:33,357 --> 00:25:35,466
At least you could say
you were married.
397
00:25:35,775 --> 00:25:39,276
I'm saying that the right man,
he might be out there right now.
398
00:25:39,276 --> 00:25:41,159
And if you don't grab him,
someone else will,
399
00:25:41,159 --> 00:25:42,742
and you'll have to spend
the rest of your life
400
00:25:42,742 --> 00:25:45,865
knowing that someone else
is married to your husband.
401
00:25:50,025 --> 00:25:52,266
Ten. Hut!
402
00:26:06,705 --> 00:26:10,654
- When did this happen?
- Friday. Helen comes home from work
403
00:26:10,792 --> 00:26:14,242
and she says "I don't know
if I wanna be married any more."
404
00:26:14,378 --> 00:26:17,187
Like it's the institution.
You know, like it's nothing personal,
405
00:26:17,187 --> 00:26:20,122
just something she's been
thinking about in a casual way.
406
00:26:20,276 --> 00:26:23,773
I'm calm. I say "Why don't we take
some time to think about it?
407
00:26:23,773 --> 00:26:25,097
You know,
don't rush into anything."
408
00:26:25,097 --> 00:26:27,927
- Yeah, right.
- Next day she says she's thought about it.
409
00:26:28,226 --> 00:26:31,723
And she wants a trial separation.
She just wants to try it, she says.
410
00:26:31,723 --> 00:26:34,933
But we can still date.
Like this is supposed to cushion the blow.
411
00:26:35,129 --> 00:26:36,853
Man, I got married
so I could stop dating,
412
00:26:36,853 --> 00:26:39,739
so I don't see why we can still date
is any big incentive
413
00:26:39,739 --> 00:26:41,776
since the last thing you wanna do
is date your wife,
414
00:26:41,776 --> 00:26:43,231
who's supposed to love you.
415
00:26:43,266 --> 00:26:44,380
Which is what
I'm saying to her,
416
00:26:44,380 --> 00:26:46,968
when it occurs to me
that maybe she doesn't.
417
00:26:47,127 --> 00:26:50,125
So I say to her
"Don't you love me any more?"
418
00:26:50,125 --> 00:26:53,382
D'you know what she says?
"I don't know if I've ever loved you."
419
00:26:53,382 --> 00:26:57,495
Ooh, that's harsh. You don't
bounce back from that right away.
420
00:26:57,621 --> 00:27:00,621
- Thanks, Jess.
- No, I'm a writer. I know dialogue.
421
00:27:01,055 --> 00:27:02,372
And that's particularly harsh.
422
00:27:02,657 --> 00:27:06,068
Then she tells me that somebody
in her office is going to South America
423
00:27:06,068 --> 00:27:10,545
and she can sublet his apartment.
I can't believe this. And the doorbell rings.
424
00:27:10,673 --> 00:27:13,394
"I can sublet his apartment"...
The words are still hanging in the air
425
00:27:13,706 --> 00:27:15,807
you know, like in a balloon
attached to a mouth...
426
00:27:15,807 --> 00:27:17,194
- Like a cartoon.
- Right.
427
00:27:17,229 --> 00:27:21,927
So I go to the door and there are moving
men there. Now I start to get suspicious.
428
00:27:22,177 --> 00:27:24,599
I say "Helen, when did you call
these movers?"
429
00:27:24,599 --> 00:27:26,133
And she doesn't say anything.
430
00:27:26,193 --> 00:27:28,870
So I ask the movers "When did
this woman book you for this gig?"
431
00:27:28,985 --> 00:27:31,549
And they're just standing there.
Three huge guys, one of them
432
00:27:31,549 --> 00:27:34,423
wearing a T-shirt that says
"Don't fuck with Mr Zero."
433
00:27:34,423 --> 00:27:39,647
So I said "Helen, when did you make this
arrangement?" She says "A week ago."
434
00:27:40,065 --> 00:27:42,982
I said "You've known for a week
and you didn't tell me?"
435
00:27:43,115 --> 00:27:46,535
And she says
"I didn't wanna ruin your birthday."
436
00:27:49,085 --> 00:27:52,526
You're saying Mr. Zero knew you were
getting a divorce a week before you did?
437
00:27:52,526 --> 00:27:54,405
- Mr. Zero knew.
- I can't believe this.
438
00:27:54,405 --> 00:27:56,174
I haven't told you
the bad part yet.
439
00:27:56,174 --> 00:27:58,266
What could be worse
than Mr Zero knowing?
440
00:27:58,670 --> 00:28:00,390
It's all a lie.
441
00:28:01,537 --> 00:28:05,501
She's in love with somebody else.
Some tax attorney.
442
00:28:05,661 --> 00:28:08,679
- She moved in with him.
- How did you find out?
443
00:28:09,913 --> 00:28:12,008
I followed her.
Stood outside the building.
444
00:28:12,139 --> 00:28:14,988
- That's so humiliating.
- Tell me about it.
445
00:28:15,319 --> 00:28:18,065
And, you know, I knew.
I knew the whole time
446
00:28:18,065 --> 00:28:19,824
that even though we were happy,
it was an illusion.
447
00:28:19,824 --> 00:28:22,644
And that one day
she would kick the shit outta me.
448
00:28:22,679 --> 00:28:25,307
Marriages don't break up
on account of infidelity.
449
00:28:25,451 --> 00:28:28,039
It's just a symptom that
something else is wrong.
450
00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:30,766
Oh, really? Well,
that symptom is fucking my wife.
451
00:28:35,416 --> 00:28:38,600
So I just happened to see
his American Express bill.
452
00:28:39,856 --> 00:28:42,095
What do you mean
"just happened" to see it?
453
00:28:42,493 --> 00:28:46,302
Well, he was... shaving,
and... there it was in his briefcase.
454
00:28:46,322 --> 00:28:48,703
What if he came out and
saw you look into his briefcase?
455
00:28:49,127 --> 00:28:51,705
You're missing the point.
I'm telling you what I found.
456
00:28:51,997 --> 00:28:57,035
He just spent 120 dollars
on a new nightgown for his wife.
457
00:28:58,442 --> 00:29:00,472
I don't think
he's ever gonna leave her.
458
00:29:00,695 --> 00:29:03,496
No one thinks
he's ever gonna leave her.
459
00:29:03,531 --> 00:29:05,944
You're right, you're right.
I know you're right.
460
00:29:21,562 --> 00:29:25,061
Someone is staring at you
in Personal Growth.
461
00:29:27,887 --> 00:29:31,266
I know him.
You'd like him. He's married.
462
00:29:32,078 --> 00:29:36,122
- Who is he?
- Harry Burns. He's a political consultant.
463
00:29:36,668 --> 00:29:38,144
He's cute.
464
00:29:38,409 --> 00:29:41,451
- You think he's cute?
- How do you know he's married?
465
00:29:41,734 --> 00:29:43,743
Cause last time I saw him
he was getting married.
466
00:29:43,879 --> 00:29:46,962
- When was that?
- Six years ago.
467
00:29:47,310 --> 00:29:49,986
So he might not
be married any more.
468
00:29:50,497 --> 00:29:52,329
Also, he's obnoxious.
469
00:29:52,609 --> 00:29:55,298
This is just like in the movies,
remember, "The Lady Vanishes",
470
00:29:55,298 --> 00:29:57,102
when she says to him
"You're the most obnoxious man"...
471
00:29:57,102 --> 00:30:00,153
- "The most contemptible".
- ... then they fall madly in love.
472
00:30:00,188 --> 00:30:03,376
- Also, he never remembers me.
- Sally Albright.
473
00:30:05,354 --> 00:30:07,477
- Hi, Harry.
- I thought it was you.
474
00:30:07,606 --> 00:30:10,227
It is. This is Marie.
475
00:30:11,859 --> 00:30:13,519
Was Marie.
476
00:30:13,653 --> 00:30:15,692
- How are you?
- Fine.
477
00:30:15,821 --> 00:30:18,578
- How's Joe?
- Fine.
478
00:30:19,042 --> 00:30:20,761
I hear he's fine.
479
00:30:21,170 --> 00:30:24,885
- You're not with Joe any more?
- We just broke up.
480
00:30:26,223 --> 00:30:28,432
I'm sorry. That's too bad.
481
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,571
Yeah. Well, you know.
482
00:30:31,709 --> 00:30:33,119
Yeah.
483
00:30:33,252 --> 00:30:34,605
So...
484
00:30:35,420 --> 00:30:37,412
- What about you?
- I'm fine.
485
00:30:37,547 --> 00:30:39,586
How's married life?
486
00:30:40,716 --> 00:30:43,748
Not so good.
I'm getting a divorce.
487
00:30:43,927 --> 00:30:48,049
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
488
00:30:48,389 --> 00:30:50,631
Yeah, well,
what're you gonna do?
489
00:30:51,349 --> 00:30:52,974
What happened with you guys?
490
00:30:53,500 --> 00:30:57,280
When Joe and I started seeing each other
we wanted exactly the same thing.
491
00:30:57,658 --> 00:30:59,961
We wanted to live together
but we didn't wanna get married
492
00:30:59,961 --> 00:31:02,247
because every time
anyone we knew got married,
493
00:31:02,247 --> 00:31:05,915
it ruined their relationship.
They practically never had sex again.
494
00:31:06,207 --> 00:31:09,734
It's true. That's one of the secrets
that no one ever tells you.
495
00:31:10,106 --> 00:31:12,572
I would sit around with my girlfriends
who have kids and...
496
00:31:12,934 --> 00:31:15,656
Actually, my-my one girlfriend
who has kids, Alice,
497
00:31:15,656 --> 00:31:19,292
and she would complain about
how she and Gary never did it any more.
498
00:31:20,035 --> 00:31:22,311
She didn't even complain about it,
now that I think about it.
499
00:31:22,311 --> 00:31:23,632
She just said it matter-of-factly.
500
00:31:23,632 --> 00:31:27,165
She said... they were up all night,
they were both exhausted all the time,
501
00:31:27,165 --> 00:31:30,735
the kids just took every sexual impulse
they had out of them.
502
00:31:32,583 --> 00:31:34,624
Joe and I used to talk about it
and we would say
503
00:31:34,624 --> 00:31:37,497
"We're so lucky.
We have this wonderful relationship.
504
00:31:37,497 --> 00:31:41,780
We can... have sex on the kitchen floor
and not worry about the kids walking in."
505
00:31:41,902 --> 00:31:44,694
"We can fly off to Rome
on a moment's notice."
506
00:31:46,812 --> 00:31:50,185
And then one day I was taking
Alice's girl for the afternoon
507
00:31:50,185 --> 00:31:55,598
cause I promised to take her to the circus.
And... we were in the cab playing I-spy.
508
00:31:55,770 --> 00:31:58,430
"I spy a mailbox",
"I spy a lamp post".
509
00:31:59,246 --> 00:32:02,901
And she looked out the window
and she saw this man and this woman
510
00:32:02,901 --> 00:32:07,008
with these two little kids, and the... man
had one of the kids on his shoulders.
511
00:32:07,331 --> 00:32:10,487
And she said...
"I spy a family."
512
00:32:11,999 --> 00:32:16,201
And I started to cry.
You know, I just started crying.
513
00:32:17,838 --> 00:32:20,336
And I went home
and I said "The thing is, Joe,
514
00:32:20,462 --> 00:32:23,582
we never do fly off to Rome
on a moment's notice."
515
00:32:23,882 --> 00:32:25,541
And the kitchen floor...?
516
00:32:26,357 --> 00:32:30,883
Not once. It's this very cold,
hard, Mexican ceramic tile.
517
00:32:33,139 --> 00:32:34,705
Anyway,
518
00:32:34,891 --> 00:32:36,811
we talked about it
for a long time.
519
00:32:36,811 --> 00:32:40,132
And I said "This is what I want"
and he said "Well, I don't".
520
00:32:40,568 --> 00:32:44,097
And I said "Well, I guess it's over."
And he left.
521
00:32:46,805 --> 00:32:50,808
And the thing is,
I... I feel really fine.
522
00:32:50,864 --> 00:32:53,944
I am over him.
I mean, I really am over him.
523
00:32:54,073 --> 00:32:57,275
That was it for him.
That was the most that he could give.
524
00:32:57,503 --> 00:32:59,071
And every time
I think about it,
525
00:32:59,071 --> 00:33:02,205
I am more and more convinced
that I did the right thing.
526
00:33:02,701 --> 00:33:04,690
Boy, you sound really healthy.
527
00:33:05,295 --> 00:33:06,489
Yeah.
528
00:33:07,301 --> 00:33:10,915
- At least I got the apartment.
- That's what everybody says to me too.
529
00:33:10,915 --> 00:33:13,148
But really, what's so hard
about finding an apartment?
530
00:33:13,375 --> 00:33:15,833
What you do is
you read the obituary column.
531
00:33:15,868 --> 00:33:17,704
You find out who died,
go to the building,
532
00:33:17,704 --> 00:33:19,208
and then you tip the doorman.
533
00:33:19,343 --> 00:33:20,827
What they could do
to make it easier
534
00:33:20,827 --> 00:33:23,724
is combine the obituaries
with the real-estate section.
535
00:33:23,724 --> 00:33:27,024
Say, then you have "Mr Klein died,
say, leaving a wife, two children
536
00:33:27,068 --> 00:33:28,751
and a spacious
three-bedroom apartment
537
00:33:28,751 --> 00:33:30,507
with a wood- burning fireplace."
538
00:33:34,516 --> 00:33:37,224
You know, the first time we met
I really didn't like you that much.
539
00:33:37,514 --> 00:33:39,184
- I didn't like you.
- Yeah, you did.
540
00:33:39,324 --> 00:33:42,037
You were just so uptight then.
You're much softer now.
541
00:33:42,993 --> 00:33:44,784
You know, I hate
that kind of remark.
542
00:33:44,784 --> 00:33:47,350
It sounds like a compliment,
but really it's an insult.
543
00:33:47,350 --> 00:33:49,381
Okay, you're still
as hard as nails.
544
00:33:49,466 --> 00:33:51,013
I just didn't wanna
sleep with you
545
00:33:51,013 --> 00:33:52,880
and you had to write it off
as a character flaw,
546
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:54,607
instead of dealing
with the possibility
547
00:33:54,607 --> 00:33:56,664
that it might have
something to do with you.
548
00:33:58,679 --> 00:34:01,762
What's the statute of limitations
on apologies?
549
00:34:03,356 --> 00:34:06,434
- Ten years.
- Ooh, I can just get it in under the wire.
550
00:34:11,771 --> 00:34:14,297
Would you like to have
dinner with me sometime?
551
00:34:14,978 --> 00:34:17,212
Are we becoming friends now?
552
00:34:18,935 --> 00:34:20,290
Well...
553
00:34:21,818 --> 00:34:23,006
Yeah.
554
00:34:24,827 --> 00:34:28,022
Great. A woman friend.
555
00:34:28,703 --> 00:34:30,550
You know, you may be
the first attractive woman
556
00:34:30,550 --> 00:34:33,293
I've not wanted to sleep with
in my entire life.
557
00:34:33,777 --> 00:34:36,019
That's wonderful, Harry.
558
00:34:37,593 --> 00:34:39,949
We were both born
in the same hospital...
559
00:34:39,949 --> 00:34:40,961
In 1921.
560
00:34:40,961 --> 00:34:43,154
- .. seven days apart.
- In the same hospital.
561
00:34:43,285 --> 00:34:46,404
- We both grew up one block apart.
- We both lived in tenements.
562
00:34:46,538 --> 00:34:49,408
- On the Lower East Side.
- On Delancey Street.
563
00:34:49,540 --> 00:34:52,624
- My family moved to the Bronx when I was ten.
- He lived on Fordham Road.
564
00:34:52,855 --> 00:34:55,704
- Hers moved when she was 11.
- I lived on 183rd Street.
565
00:34:55,837 --> 00:34:59,518
For 6 years, she worked
on the 15th floor...
566
00:34:59,518 --> 00:35:00,783
I worked
for a prominent neurologist.
567
00:35:00,783 --> 00:35:00,947
... as a nurse,
568
00:35:00,947 --> 00:35:04,099
- where I had a practice on the 14th floor.
- Dr. Permelman.
569
00:35:04,099 --> 00:35:05,144
The very same building.
570
00:35:05,144 --> 00:35:06,757
- We never met.
- Never met.
571
00:35:06,887 --> 00:35:10,552
- Can you imagine that?
- You know where we met? In an elevator.
572
00:35:10,682 --> 00:35:13,552
- I was visiting family.
- In the Ambassador Hotel in Chicago.
573
00:35:13,684 --> 00:35:16,353
He was on the third floor,
I was on the 12th.
574
00:35:16,478 --> 00:35:20,096
I rode up nine extra floors
just to keep talking to her.
575
00:35:20,231 --> 00:35:22,686
Nine extra floors.
576
00:35:32,866 --> 00:35:35,487
- Hello.
- You sleeping?
577
00:35:35,619 --> 00:35:38,370
- No, I was watching "Casablanca".
- Channel, please?
578
00:35:38,496 --> 00:35:41,200
- Eleven.
- Thank you. Got it.
579
00:35:41,871 --> 00:35:44,242
Now, you're telling me
you'd be happier with Victor Laszlo
580
00:35:44,242 --> 00:35:45,575
than with Humphrey Bogart?
581
00:35:45,751 --> 00:35:48,431
- When did I say that?
- When we drove to New York.
582
00:35:48,898 --> 00:35:53,214
- I never said that. I would never say that.
- All right, fine. Have it your way.
583
00:35:55,371 --> 00:35:57,215
- You been sleeping?
- Why?
584
00:35:57,513 --> 00:36:01,258
Cause I haven't been sleeping.
I really miss Helen.
585
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:04,606
Maybe I'm coming down
with something.
586
00:36:04,606 --> 00:36:06,180
Last night, I was up
at 4 in the morning
587
00:36:06,180 --> 00:36:08,264
watching "Leave It to Beaver"
in Spanish.
588
00:36:08,299 --> 00:36:11,848
"Buenos d�as, Se�or Cleaver.
D�nde est�n Wallace y Theodore?"
589
00:36:12,328 --> 00:36:13,262
I'm not well.
590
00:36:13,637 --> 00:36:17,518
Well, I went to bed at 7.30 last night.
I haven't done that since the third grade.
591
00:36:17,711 --> 00:36:20,380
Well, that's the good thing
about depression. Get your rest.
592
00:36:20,906 --> 00:36:23,604
- I'm not depressed.
- Okay, fine.
593
00:36:24,306 --> 00:36:26,860
Do you still sleep
on the same side of the bed?
594
00:36:26,967 --> 00:36:29,914
I did for a while, but now
I'm pretty much using the whole bed.
595
00:36:29,949 --> 00:36:34,429
God, that's great. I feel weird
when just my leg wanders over.
596
00:36:35,416 --> 00:36:36,747
I miss her.
597
00:36:37,626 --> 00:36:41,141
- I don't miss him. I really don't.
- Not even a little?
598
00:36:41,430 --> 00:36:43,112
You know what I miss?
599
00:36:43,506 --> 00:36:46,388
I miss the idea of him.
600
00:36:47,603 --> 00:36:50,370
Maybe I only miss
the idea of Helen.
601
00:36:50,891 --> 00:36:53,217
No, I miss the whole Helen.
602
00:36:56,850 --> 00:36:58,148
Last scene.
603
00:37:01,821 --> 00:37:04,999
Goodbye, Rick.
God bless you.
604
00:37:05,633 --> 00:37:08,227
Ooh, Ingrid Bergman.
Now, she's low maintenance.
605
00:37:08,566 --> 00:37:10,932
- Low maintenance?
- There are two kinds of women.
606
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:13,189
High maintenance
and low maintenance.
607
00:37:13,189 --> 00:37:15,274
And Ingrid Bergman
is low maintenance?
608
00:37:15,711 --> 00:37:17,840
An LM, definitely.
609
00:37:17,875 --> 00:37:19,972
- Which one am I?
- You're the worst kind.
610
00:37:19,972 --> 00:37:22,250
You're high maintenance but
you think you're low maintenance.
611
00:37:22,737 --> 00:37:24,779
- I don't see that.
- You don't see that?
612
00:37:25,187 --> 00:37:26,987
"Waiter, I'll begin
with a house salad,
613
00:37:26,987 --> 00:37:28,380
but I don't want
the regular dressing.
614
00:37:28,380 --> 00:37:31,040
I'll have the balsamic vinegar
and oil, but on the side.
615
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:32,506
And then the salmon
with mustard sauce,
616
00:37:32,506 --> 00:37:34,497
but I want the mustard sauce
on the side."
617
00:37:34,497 --> 00:37:36,396
"On the side" is
a very big thing for you.
618
00:37:36,396 --> 00:37:38,300
No, I just want it
the way I want it.
619
00:37:38,460 --> 00:37:40,381
I know.
High maintenance.
620
00:37:41,009 --> 00:37:43,621
Well, 10,000 francs
should pay our expenses.
621
00:37:43,813 --> 00:37:45,239
Our expenses?
622
00:37:45,994 --> 00:37:50,497
Louis, I think this is the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.
623
00:37:51,871 --> 00:37:54,486
Ooh, best last line
of a movie ever.
624
00:37:57,930 --> 00:37:59,861
I'm definitely coming down
with something.
625
00:38:00,124 --> 00:38:02,749
Probably a 24-hour tumour.
They're going around.
626
00:38:02,749 --> 00:38:04,684
- You don't have a tumour.
- How do you know?
627
00:38:04,684 --> 00:38:09,170
- If you're so worried, go see a doctor.
- No, he'll just tell me it's nothing.
628
00:38:09,975 --> 00:38:12,715
- Will you be able to sleep?
- If not, I'll be okay.
629
00:38:12,715 --> 00:38:16,040
- What'll you do?
- I'll stay up and moan.
630
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,083
Maybe I should practise now.
631
00:38:24,128 --> 00:38:28,311
- Good night, Harry.
- Good night.
632
00:39:04,699 --> 00:39:08,596
I had my dream again. Where I'm making
love and Olympic judges are watching?
633
00:39:08,979 --> 00:39:11,534
I'd nailed the compulsories,
so this is it. The finals.
634
00:39:11,741 --> 00:39:15,117
I got a 9.8 from the Canadian,
a perfect 10 from the American,
635
00:39:15,476 --> 00:39:18,958
and my mother, disguised as
an East German judge, gave me a 5.6.
636
00:39:19,097 --> 00:39:20,571
Must've been the dismount.
637
00:39:21,939 --> 00:39:24,544
And basically it's the same one
I've been having since I was 12.
638
00:39:24,786 --> 00:39:27,979
- What happens?
- No, it's... It's too embarrassing.
639
00:39:27,979 --> 00:39:30,382
- Don't tell me.
- Okay, there's this guy.
640
00:39:30,382 --> 00:39:34,032
- What's he look like?
- I don't know. He's just kinda faceless.
641
00:39:34,032 --> 00:39:36,312
A faceless guy.
Okay. Then what?
642
00:39:37,736 --> 00:39:39,346
He rips off my clothes.
643
00:39:39,727 --> 00:39:43,017
- Then what happens?
- That's it.
644
00:39:44,623 --> 00:39:47,682
That's it? A faceless guy
rips off your clothes
645
00:39:47,682 --> 00:39:49,323
and that's the sex fantasy
you've been having
646
00:39:49,323 --> 00:39:52,015
since you were 12.
Exactly the same.
647
00:39:52,050 --> 00:39:53,822
Well, sometimes
I vary it a little.
648
00:39:54,794 --> 00:39:57,073
- Which part?
- What I'm wearing.
649
00:40:02,449 --> 00:40:04,579
- What?
- Nothing.
650
00:40:06,817 --> 00:40:10,078
I have decided that
for the rest of the day
651
00:40:10,213 --> 00:40:13,265
we are going to talk
like this.
652
00:40:13,265 --> 00:40:16,682
- Like this?
- No. Please. To repeat after me.
653
00:40:16,682 --> 00:40:17,892
- Pepper.
- Pepper.
654
00:40:17,892 --> 00:40:19,025
- Pepper.
- Pepper.
655
00:40:19,025 --> 00:40:19,944
- Pepper.
- Pepper.
656
00:40:19,944 --> 00:40:20,925
- Pepper.
- Pepper.
657
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:24,592
Waiter, there is too much pepper
on my paprikash.
658
00:40:25,617 --> 00:40:30,228
Waiter, there is too much pepper...
on my paprikash.
659
00:40:30,228 --> 00:40:33,209
But I would be proud
to partake of your pecan pie.
660
00:40:33,883 --> 00:40:35,417
Oh, no.
661
00:40:35,417 --> 00:40:37,687
- But I would be proud...
- But I would be proud...
662
00:40:37,687 --> 00:40:38,840
- ... to partake...
- ... to partake...
663
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:42,223
- ... of your pecan pie.
- ... of your pecan pie.
664
00:40:42,223 --> 00:40:44,086
- Pecan pie.
- Pecan pie.
665
00:40:44,086 --> 00:40:46,596
- Pecan pie.
- Pecan pie.
666
00:40:47,522 --> 00:40:49,875
Would you like to go
to the movies with me tonight?
667
00:40:49,875 --> 00:40:50,976
Would you like to go...
what-what...
668
00:40:50,976 --> 00:40:53,414
Not to repeat.
Please, to answer.
669
00:40:53,631 --> 00:40:57,238
Would you like to go
to the movies with me... tonight?
670
00:40:57,238 --> 00:41:01,594
Oh... Oh... Well, I'd love to, Harry,
but I-I can't.
671
00:41:01,629 --> 00:41:04,213
What do you have?
A hot date?
672
00:41:04,777 --> 00:41:07,503
- Well, yeah. Yeah.
- Really?
673
00:41:07,538 --> 00:41:09,604
Yeah. I wa... was gonna tell you,
but, I don't know,
674
00:41:09,604 --> 00:41:11,801
I just... I felt strange
about it.
675
00:41:11,801 --> 00:41:12,381
Why?
676
00:41:12,381 --> 00:41:14,533
Well, because we've been spending
so much time together.
677
00:41:14,533 --> 00:41:16,901
Oh, I think it's great
that you have a date.
678
00:41:16,936 --> 00:41:18,801
- You do?
- Yeah.
679
00:41:25,792 --> 00:41:28,478
- Is that what you're gonna wear?
- Yeah.
680
00:41:28,678 --> 00:41:31,955
Well, I don't-don't know. Why?
681
00:41:32,308 --> 00:41:36,037
I think you should wear skirts more.
You look really good in skirts.
682
00:41:36,037 --> 00:41:37,616
- I do?
- Yeah.
683
00:41:40,201 --> 00:41:42,366
You know, I have a theory
that hieroglyphics are really
684
00:41:42,366 --> 00:41:45,630
an ancient comic strip about
a character named Sphinxy.
685
00:41:45,665 --> 00:41:47,558
You know, Harry, I think
you should get out there, too.
686
00:41:47,558 --> 00:41:49,243
Oh, I'm not ready.
687
00:41:49,278 --> 00:41:50,289
You should.
688
00:41:50,289 --> 00:41:52,882
I would not be good
for anybody right now.
689
00:41:52,882 --> 00:41:54,352
It's time.
690
00:41:54,887 --> 00:41:57,757
It was the most
uncomfortable night of my life.
691
00:41:58,220 --> 00:42:00,145
See, no,
it has to go this way.
692
00:42:01,409 --> 00:42:03,979
The first date back
is always the toughest, Harry.
693
00:42:04,338 --> 00:42:06,052
You only had one date.
694
00:42:06,487 --> 00:42:08,509
How do you know
it's not gonna get worse?
695
00:42:08,762 --> 00:42:10,169
How much worse can it get
696
00:42:10,169 --> 00:42:12,229
than finishing dinner,
having him reach over,
697
00:42:12,229 --> 00:42:15,644
pull a hair out of my head and
start flossing with it at the table?
698
00:42:15,679 --> 00:42:18,267
We're talking dream date
compared to my horror.
699
00:42:18,552 --> 00:42:21,933
It started out fine.
She's a very nice person.
700
00:42:22,332 --> 00:42:23,647
And we're sitting
and we're talking
701
00:42:23,647 --> 00:42:26,146
in this Ethiopian restaurant
that she wanted to go to.
702
00:42:26,181 --> 00:42:27,793
I was making jokes,
you know, like
703
00:42:27,793 --> 00:42:29,865
"Hey, I didn't know that
they had food in Ethiopia."
704
00:42:29,900 --> 00:42:33,035
"This'll be a quick meal. I'll order
two empty plates and we can leave."
705
00:42:33,585 --> 00:42:36,123
Yeah. Nothing from her,
not even a smile.
706
00:42:36,169 --> 00:42:39,343
So I downshift into small talk and
I ask here where she went to school.
707
00:42:39,343 --> 00:42:42,458
And she says Michigan State.
This reminds me of Helen.
708
00:42:42,884 --> 00:42:46,210
All of a sudden I'm in the middle
of this massive anxiety attack.
709
00:42:46,210 --> 00:42:49,199
My heart's beatin' like a wild man
and I start sweatin' like a pig.
710
00:42:49,252 --> 00:42:52,431
- Helen went to Michigan State?
- No, she went to Northwestern.
711
00:42:52,466 --> 00:42:54,255
But they're both
Big Ten schools.
712
00:42:54,747 --> 00:42:57,377
I got so upset
I had to leave the restaurant.
713
00:42:59,903 --> 00:43:02,066
Harry, I think
this takes a long time.
714
00:43:02,365 --> 00:43:04,321
It might be months
before we're actually able
715
00:43:04,321 --> 00:43:06,565
to enjoy going out
with someone new.
716
00:43:06,812 --> 00:43:07,433
Yeah.
717
00:43:07,623 --> 00:43:10,067
And maybe longer,
before we're actually able
718
00:43:10,067 --> 00:43:11,271
to go to bed
with someone new.
719
00:43:11,271 --> 00:43:12,995
Oh, I went to bed with her.
720
00:43:15,019 --> 00:43:17,268
- You went to bed with her?:
- Sure.
721
00:43:23,935 --> 00:43:26,781
- I don't understand this relationship.
- What d'ya mean?
722
00:43:26,781 --> 00:43:28,542
- You enjoy being with her?
- Yeah.
723
00:43:28,542 --> 00:43:30,397
- You find her attractive?
- Yeah.
724
00:43:30,771 --> 00:43:32,649
- And you're not sleeping with her?
- No.
725
00:43:33,240 --> 00:43:35,537
You're afraid
to let yourself be happy.
726
00:43:35,612 --> 00:43:39,159
Why can't you gimme credit for this?
This is a big thing for me.
727
00:43:39,174 --> 00:43:41,964
I never had a relationship
with a woman that didn't involve sex.
728
00:43:41,964 --> 00:43:43,390
See, like I'm growing.
729
00:43:43,390 --> 00:43:44,683
Are you finished?
730
00:43:44,683 --> 00:43:47,245
Hey, I got a whole stack o' quarters.
And I was here first.
731
00:43:47,245 --> 00:43:48,289
- Were not.
- Was too.
732
00:43:48,289 --> 00:43:49,565
- Were not.
- Was too.
733
00:43:50,102 --> 00:43:52,665
- Big jerk.
- Little creep.
734
00:43:52,671 --> 00:43:54,770
- Where was I?
- You were growing.
735
00:43:54,770 --> 00:43:55,522
Yeah.
736
00:43:56,436 --> 00:43:59,807
It's very freeing.
I can say anything to her.
737
00:44:00,272 --> 00:44:03,319
Are you saying you can say things
to her you can't say to me?
738
00:44:03,619 --> 00:44:06,412
No, it's just different.
It's a whole different perspective.
739
00:44:06,563 --> 00:44:08,939
I get the woman's
point of view on things.
740
00:44:08,974 --> 00:44:10,736
She tells me about the men
that she goes out with,
741
00:44:12,799 --> 00:44:14,856
- You tell her about other women?
- Yeah.
742
00:44:14,856 --> 00:44:18,712
Like the other night. I made love
to this woman and it was so incredible...
743
00:44:18,747 --> 00:44:21,989
I took her to a place that wasn't human.
She actually meowed.
744
00:44:22,508 --> 00:44:23,896
You made a woman meow?
745
00:44:23,896 --> 00:44:26,994
Yeah, that's the point.
I can say these things to her.
746
00:44:27,125 --> 00:44:29,329
And the great thing is,
I don't have to lie
747
00:44:29,329 --> 00:44:31,743
because I'm not always thinking
about how to get her into bed.
748
00:44:31,778 --> 00:44:35,508
- I can just be myself.
- You made a woman meow?
749
00:44:37,290 --> 00:44:40,146
What do you do with these women?
You just get up out of bed and leave?
750
00:44:40,146 --> 00:44:40,966
Sure.
751
00:44:41,064 --> 00:44:43,689
Oh, explain to me how you do it.
What do you say?
752
00:44:43,724 --> 00:44:46,305
I say I have an early meeting,
early hair cut or a squash game.
753
00:44:46,305 --> 00:44:49,178
- You don't play squash.
- They don't know that. They just met me.
754
00:44:50,707 --> 00:44:53,230
- That's disgusting.
- I know. I feel terrible.
755
00:44:53,649 --> 00:44:56,079
You know, I'm so glad
I never got involved with you.
756
00:44:56,188 --> 00:44:57,918
I just would've ended up
being some woman
757
00:44:57,918 --> 00:45:00,291
you had to get outta bed
and leave at 3 oclock in the morning
758
00:45:00,291 --> 00:45:03,685
and go clean your andirons.
And you don't even have a fireplace.
759
00:45:03,685 --> 00:45:04,853
Not that I would know this.
760
00:45:04,853 --> 00:45:07,360
Why are you getting so upset?
This isn not about you.
761
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:11,734
Yes, it is. You are a human affront
to all women, and I am a woman.
762
00:45:11,837 --> 00:45:14,711
Hey, I don't feel great about this
but I don't hear anyone complaining.
763
00:45:14,871 --> 00:45:17,065
Of course not.
You're out the door too fast.
764
00:45:17,699 --> 00:45:21,215
- I think they have an okay time.
- How do you know?
765
00:45:21,854 --> 00:45:23,488
What d'you mean
how do I know? I know.
766
00:45:24,185 --> 00:45:27,804
- Because they...
- Yes, because they...
767
00:45:28,650 --> 00:45:30,862
How do you know
that they're really...
768
00:45:30,951 --> 00:45:34,420
What are you saying?
That they fake orgasm?
769
00:45:33,931 --> 00:45:36,687
- It's possible.
- Get outta here.
770
00:45:36,762 --> 00:45:39,475
Why? Most women
at one time or another have faked it.
771
00:45:40,265 --> 00:45:43,258
- Well, they haven't faked it with me.
- How do you know?
772
00:45:44,339 --> 00:45:45,841
Because I know.
773
00:45:47,569 --> 00:45:53,415
Oh... Right. That's right.
I forgot. You're a man.
774
00:45:53,415 --> 00:45:55,486
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Nothing.
775
00:45:55,574 --> 00:45:57,587
It's just that all men are sure
it never happened to them
776
00:45:57,587 --> 00:45:59,490
and most women at one time
or another have done it,
777
00:45:59,490 --> 00:46:01,041
so you do the math.
778
00:46:01,706 --> 00:46:03,929
You don't think that
I can tell the difference?
779
00:46:04,420 --> 00:46:06,718
- No.
- Get outta here.
780
00:46:21,569 --> 00:46:23,215
Are you okay?
781
00:46:27,375 --> 00:46:29,556
Oh, God.
782
00:46:30,267 --> 00:46:32,475
Ooh, oh, God.
783
00:46:39,599 --> 00:46:42,251
Oh, God.
784
00:46:42,317 --> 00:46:44,009
Oh, yeah, right there.
785
00:46:50,555 --> 00:46:52,151
Oh, God.
786
00:46:53,042 --> 00:46:59,142
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
787
00:47:01,310 --> 00:47:04,037
Oh, yes: Yes: Yes:
788
00:47:05,737 --> 00:47:11,608
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
789
00:47:15,250 --> 00:47:16,973
Oh, God.
790
00:47:27,119 --> 00:47:29,088
I'll have
what she's having.
791
00:48:14,309 --> 00:48:15,969
He'll say "Are you married?"
792
00:48:53,229 --> 00:48:55,431
I like you without your beard.
You see your face.
793
00:48:55,431 --> 00:48:56,622
And it's my face.
794
00:48:58,143 --> 00:48:59,921
- Whoa! Dipping you.
- Oh!
795
00:49:03,492 --> 00:49:05,546
I really wanna thank you
for taking me out tonight.
796
00:49:05,546 --> 00:49:06,654
Oh, don't be silly.
797
00:49:06,654 --> 00:49:10,097
The next New Year's Eve, if neither
of us is with anybody, you got a date.
798
00:49:10,650 --> 00:49:11,948
Deal.
799
00:49:13,731 --> 00:49:16,263
See? Now we can dance
cheek to cheek.
800
00:49:21,780 --> 00:49:24,863
That I love you a lot
801
00:49:42,090 --> 00:49:45,496
Hey, everybody!
Ten seconds to New Year.
802
00:49:46,220 --> 00:49:48,379
- Ten, nine...
- Wanna get some air?
803
00:49:48,414 --> 00:49:51,818
- Yeah.
- ... seven, six, five, four,
804
00:49:51,907 --> 00:49:55,494
three, two, one!
Happy New Year!
805
00:50:17,530 --> 00:50:18,962
- Happy New Year.
- Happy New Year.
806
00:50:27,586 --> 00:50:30,040
He was a head counsellor
at the boys' camp,
807
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:32,308
and I was a head counsellor
at girls' camp,
808
00:50:32,733 --> 00:50:36,519
and they had a social one night,
and he walked across the room.
809
00:50:36,759 --> 00:50:39,340
I thought he was coming
to talk to my friend Maxine,
810
00:50:39,753 --> 00:50:43,215
cause people were always
crossing rooms to talk to Maxine.
811
00:50:43,737 --> 00:50:46,179
But he was coming to talk to me,
and he said
812
00:50:46,713 --> 00:50:49,306
"I'm Ben Small
of the Coney Island Smalls."
813
00:50:49,846 --> 00:50:53,893
At that moment I knew. I knew
the way you know about a good melon.
814
00:50:56,372 --> 00:50:58,565
You sent flowers to yourself.
815
00:50:59,292 --> 00:51:03,325
60 dollars I spent on this big stupid
arrangement of flowers, and I wrote a card
816
00:51:03,325 --> 00:51:04,677
that I planned to leave
on the front table
817
00:51:04,677 --> 00:51:06,848
where Arthur would just...
happen to see it.
818
00:51:07,055 --> 00:51:08,738
What did the card say?
819
00:51:09,613 --> 00:51:12,403
"Please say yes.
Love, Jonathan."
820
00:51:12,403 --> 00:51:14,836
- Did it work?
- He never even came over.
821
00:51:14,836 --> 00:51:19,043
He forgot this charity thing that his wife is
chairman of. He's never gonna leave her.
822
00:51:19,043 --> 00:51:19,985
Of course he isn't.
823
00:51:19,985 --> 00:51:22,277
You're right, you're right.
I know you're right.
824
00:51:22,419 --> 00:51:25,361
- Where is this place?
- Somewhere on the next block.
825
00:51:25,497 --> 00:51:28,153
Ohh! I can't believe
I'm doing this.
826
00:51:28,434 --> 00:51:31,918
Look, Harry is one of my best friends
and you are one of my best friends.
827
00:51:31,918 --> 00:51:33,830
And if by some chance
you two hit it off,
828
00:51:33,830 --> 00:51:36,626
then we can all still be friends,
instead of... drifting apart
829
00:51:36,626 --> 00:51:37,823
the way you do
when you get involved
830
00:51:37,823 --> 00:51:39,466
with someone
who doesn't know your friends.
831
00:51:39,466 --> 00:51:42,465
You and I haven't drifted apart
since I started seeing Arthur.
832
00:51:43,653 --> 00:51:47,334
If Arthur ever left his wife
and I actually met him,
833
00:51:47,334 --> 00:51:50,530
I am sure that you and I
would drift apart.
834
00:51:50,934 --> 00:51:55,235
- He's never gonna leave her.
- Of course he isn't.
835
00:51:55,405 --> 00:51:57,536
You're right, you're right.
I know you're right.
836
00:51:58,095 --> 00:52:00,406
- I dunno about this.
- It's just a dinner.
837
00:52:00,406 --> 00:52:02,263
You know, I've finally gotten
to a place in my life
838
00:52:02,263 --> 00:52:05,253
where I'm comfortable with the fact
that it's just me and my work.
839
00:52:05,761 --> 00:52:07,519
If she's so great,
why aren't you taking her out?
840
00:52:07,519 --> 00:52:09,819
How many times do I have
to tell you? We're just friends.
841
00:52:09,819 --> 00:52:11,314
So you're saying
she's not that attractive?
842
00:52:11,314 --> 00:52:12,939
No, I told you,
she is attractive.
843
00:52:12,939 --> 00:52:14,732
Yeah, but you also said
she had a good personality.
844
00:52:14,732 --> 00:52:16,243
She has a good personality.
845
00:52:18,973 --> 00:52:20,127
What?
846
00:52:20,438 --> 00:52:22,210
When someone's not
that attractive,
847
00:52:22,210 --> 00:52:25,224
they're always described
as having a good personality.
848
00:52:25,224 --> 00:52:27,084
Look. If you would ask me
what does she look like
849
00:52:27,084 --> 00:52:30,434
and I said "She has a good personality",
that means she's not attractive.
850
00:52:30,444 --> 00:52:33,358
But just because I happened to mention
that she has a good personality,
851
00:52:33,358 --> 00:52:34,531
she could be either.
852
00:52:34,531 --> 00:52:36,354
She could be attractive
with a good personality,
853
00:52:36,354 --> 00:52:38,213
or not attractive
with a good personality.
854
00:52:38,213 --> 00:52:40,442
- So which one is she?
- Attractive.
855
00:52:40,442 --> 00:52:42,228
But not beautiful, right?
856
00:52:45,335 --> 00:52:47,617
It's like, whenever
I read Jimmy Breslin,
857
00:52:47,617 --> 00:52:50,934
it's as if he's leaving
some kind of a... a wake-up call
858
00:52:50,934 --> 00:52:55,228
- for the City of New York.
- What d'you mean by "a wake-up call"?
859
00:52:55,228 --> 00:52:58,884
He's-he's saying that actually we've got
people in the city who live on welfare...
860
00:52:58,884 --> 00:53:02,760
Would I... would I have seen
any of... any of your windows?
861
00:53:03,651 --> 00:53:07,190
A couple of weeks ago
I did a... I did a thing with... hostages.
862
00:53:07,190 --> 00:53:09,247
- The people in blindfolds.
- Yeah.
863
00:53:09,747 --> 00:53:12,160
I thought it was like late '80s.
864
00:53:13,627 --> 00:53:14,500
That's in-interesting.
865
00:53:15,270 --> 00:53:18,232
Let's just say I'm really not
a big fan of Jimmy Breslin.
866
00:53:18,232 --> 00:53:21,832
Well, he's the reason I became
a writer, but that's not important.
867
00:53:35,610 --> 00:53:39,203
Harry, you and Marie
are both from New Jersey.
868
00:53:39,203 --> 00:53:40,852
- Really?
- Where are you from?
869
00:53:40,852 --> 00:53:42,746
- South Orange.
- Haddonfield.
870
00:53:50,619 --> 00:53:54,651
- So, what are we gonna order?
- I'm gonna start with the grilled radicchio.
871
00:53:54,929 --> 00:53:56,681
Jess, Sally is a great orderer.
872
00:53:56,681 --> 00:53:58,515
Not only does she always pick
the best thing on the menu,
873
00:53:58,515 --> 00:54:01,805
but she orders it in a way that even
the chef didn't know how good it could be.
874
00:54:02,028 --> 00:54:03,904
I think restaurants
have become too important.
875
00:54:03,904 --> 00:54:05,371
I agree.
876
00:54:05,406 --> 00:54:09,146
"Restaurants are to people in the '80s
what theatre was to people in the '60s."
877
00:54:09,685 --> 00:54:13,583
- I read that in a magazine.
- I wrote that.
878
00:54:14,508 --> 00:54:17,271
- Get outta here.
- No, I did. I wrote that.
879
00:54:17,385 --> 00:54:20,895
I've never quoted anything from
a magazine in my life. That's amazing.
880
00:54:20,895 --> 00:54:23,429
Don't you think it's amazing?
And you wrote it?
881
00:54:24,470 --> 00:54:27,032
I also wrote
"Pesto is quiche of the '80s."
882
00:54:27,140 --> 00:54:30,111
- Get over yourself.
- I did.
883
00:54:30,263 --> 00:54:32,189
- Where did I read that?
- "New York Magazine".
884
00:54:32,667 --> 00:54:34,703
Sally writes
for "New York Magazine".
885
00:54:35,161 --> 00:54:39,671
You know, that piece had a real impact
on me. I-I don't know much about writing...
886
00:54:39,671 --> 00:54:42,098
It spoke to you,
and that pleases me.
887
00:54:42,098 --> 00:54:44,004
I-I mean, I really....
you have to admire
888
00:54:44,004 --> 00:54:46,196
people who-who can be
as... that articulate.
889
00:54:45,330 --> 00:54:48,948
Nobody has ever quoted
me back to me before.
890
00:54:59,280 --> 00:55:02,120
Oh! I've been looking for
a red suede pump.
891
00:55:04,721 --> 00:55:06,390
What do you think of Jess?
892
00:55:08,072 --> 00:55:09,354
Well, uh...
893
00:55:09,354 --> 00:55:11,276
Do you think
you could go out with him?
894
00:55:12,277 --> 00:55:15,768
- I don't know...
- Cause I feel really comfortable with him.
895
00:55:16,282 --> 00:55:19,542
- You wanna go out with Jess.
- If it would be all right with you.
896
00:55:19,645 --> 00:55:22,952
Sure. Sure.
I'm just worried about Harry.
897
00:55:22,952 --> 00:55:25,514
He's very sensitive,
he's going through a rough period,
898
00:55:25,514 --> 00:55:28,136
and I... I just don't want you
to reject him right now.
899
00:55:28,136 --> 00:55:30,211
- I wouldn't. I totally understand.
- Okay.
900
00:55:30,556 --> 00:55:33,448
If you don't think you're gonna
call Marie, do you mind if I call her?
901
00:55:33,937 --> 00:55:35,654
- No, no.
- Good. Good. Good.
902
00:55:35,798 --> 00:55:37,068
But for tonight
you shouldn't.
903
00:55:37,583 --> 00:55:40,199
I mean, Sally's
very vulnerable right now.
904
00:55:40,234 --> 00:55:41,334
I mean,
you can call Marie, it's fine,
905
00:55:41,334 --> 00:55:42,843
but let's just wait a week or so,
you know?
906
00:55:43,104 --> 00:55:44,478
Don't make any moves tonight.
907
00:55:44,478 --> 00:55:47,023
Fine. No problem.
I wasn't even thinking about tonight.
908
00:55:48,522 --> 00:55:50,783
Well, I don't really feel much
like walking any more.
909
00:55:50,890 --> 00:55:52,247
I think I'll get a cab.
910
00:55:52,247 --> 00:55:54,925
- I'll go with you.
- Great. Taxi!
911
00:56:06,961 --> 00:56:12,184
A man came to me and said
"I found nice girl for you."
912
00:56:12,723 --> 00:56:16,479
"She lives in the next village
913
00:56:17,214 --> 00:56:19,896
and she is ready for marriage."
914
00:56:21,500 --> 00:56:25,366
We were not supposed to meet
until the wedding,
915
00:56:25,867 --> 00:56:27,569
but I wanted to make sure.
916
00:56:28,168 --> 00:56:32,032
So I sneak into her village,
hid behind a tree,
917
00:56:32,544 --> 00:56:35,621
watch her washing the clothes.
918
00:56:36,209 --> 00:56:41,498
I think if I don't like the way
she looks, I don't marry her.
919
00:56:44,592 --> 00:56:47,676
So I said "Okay" to the man.
920
00:56:49,027 --> 00:56:50,255
We get married.
921
00:56:50,712 --> 00:56:54,069
We married for 55 years.
922
00:57:01,072 --> 00:57:04,567
- I have to get this. I have to get this.
- Harry, we're here for Jess and Marie.
923
00:57:04,602 --> 00:57:07,228
I know. We'll find them something.
It's great stuff here.
924
00:57:07,228 --> 00:57:08,574
Should have gone
to the plant store.
925
00:57:08,574 --> 00:57:10,912
- Here. Perfect for them.
- What's that?
926
00:57:12,033 --> 00:57:14,405
Battery-operated
pith helmet, with fan.
927
00:57:14,866 --> 00:57:17,863
- Why is this necessary in life?
- I don't know.
928
00:57:17,863 --> 00:57:20,617
Look. Look at this.
Also makes great fries.
929
00:57:20,961 --> 00:57:24,724
Oh... Oh-ho. Good.
Call off the dogs. The hunt is over.
930
00:57:24,947 --> 00:57:27,613
Sally, this is the greatest.
931
00:57:28,014 --> 00:57:30,423
Sally, please report to me.
932
00:57:30,513 --> 00:57:32,922
Look at this. This is the greatest.
You're gonna love this.
933
00:57:33,228 --> 00:57:37,676
This is a singing machine.
Look, you sing the-the-the lead
934
00:57:37,676 --> 00:57:39,015
and this has the backup
and everything.
935
00:57:39,015 --> 00:57:40,954
This is from "Oklahoma".
Here's the lyrics right here.
936
00:57:40,954 --> 00:57:43,287
- "Surrey with the Fringe on Top."
- Yes, perfect.
937
00:58:17,299 --> 00:58:18,457
What?
938
00:58:18,983 --> 00:58:22,023
It's my voice, isn't it?
You hate my voice.
939
00:58:22,263 --> 00:58:25,456
- I know, it's terrible. Joe hated my voice...
- It's Helen.
940
00:58:25,882 --> 00:58:26,978
Helen?
941
00:58:27,965 --> 00:58:29,809
She's coming
right towards me.
942
00:58:38,255 --> 00:58:42,676
- How are you, Harry?
- Fine. I'm fine.
943
00:58:43,596 --> 00:58:46,479
This is Ira Stone.
Harry Burns.
944
00:58:46,479 --> 00:58:47,743
Harry.
945
00:58:52,236 --> 00:58:57,342
I'm sorry. This is Sally Albright.
Helen Hillson... and Ira.
946
00:58:58,189 --> 00:58:59,580
Sally.
947
00:58:59,949 --> 00:59:02,440
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
948
00:59:05,542 --> 00:59:07,115
Well...
949
00:59:07,963 --> 00:59:11,101
- See you.
- Yeah. Bye.
950
00:59:12,817 --> 00:59:15,316
Nice to meet you... Ira.
951
00:59:20,341 --> 00:59:21,881
You okay?
952
00:59:23,657 --> 00:59:25,218
Yeah, I'm perfect.
953
00:59:26,285 --> 00:59:27,659
She looked weird,
didn't she?
954
00:59:27,659 --> 00:59:29,917
She looked really weird.
She looked very weird
955
00:59:29,917 --> 00:59:31,001
I've never seen her before.
956
00:59:31,001 --> 00:59:33,555
Trust me. She looked weird.
Her legs looked heavy.
957
00:59:33,685 --> 00:59:35,716
- Really. She must be retaining water.
- Harry...
958
00:59:35,751 --> 00:59:38,895
Believe me,
the woman saved everything.
959
00:59:41,497 --> 00:59:43,051
Sure you're okay?
960
00:59:43,674 --> 00:59:47,013
Oh, I'm fine. Look,
it had to happen at some point.
961
00:59:47,013 --> 00:59:49,590
In a city of eight million people,
you're bound to run into your ex-wife.
962
00:59:49,590 --> 00:59:52,052
So, boom, it happened.
And now I'm fine.
963
00:59:56,013 --> 00:59:59,103
I like it. It works.
It says "home" to me.
964
00:59:59,138 --> 01:00:02,425
All right. All right.
We'll let Harry and Sally be the judge.
965
01:00:03,355 --> 01:00:05,079
What do you think?
966
01:00:06,194 --> 01:00:07,992
- It's nice.
- Case closed.
967
01:00:08,073 --> 01:00:11,950
Of course he likes it,
he's a guy. Sally?
968
01:00:14,377 --> 01:00:15,733
What's so awful about it?
969
01:00:16,136 --> 01:00:20,347
It's so awful, there's no way to even begin
to explain what's so awful about it.
970
01:00:20,347 --> 01:00:22,843
Honey, I don't object
to any of your things.
971
01:00:22,843 --> 01:00:25,038
If we had an extra room,
you could put all your things in it,
972
01:00:25,038 --> 01:00:26,470
including your bar stools...
973
01:00:26,470 --> 01:00:28,332
Honey, wait, wait, wait.
Honey, honey, wait, wait, wait.
974
01:00:28,332 --> 01:00:29,998
You don't like my bar stools?
975
01:00:31,013 --> 01:00:33,777
Harry, come on,
someone has to be on my side.
976
01:00:33,875 --> 01:00:36,786
I'm on your side. I'm just trying
to help you have good taste.
977
01:00:36,786 --> 01:00:38,714
I have good taste.
978
01:00:39,216 --> 01:00:42,091
Everybody thinks they have
good taste and a sense of humor,
979
01:00:42,091 --> 01:00:44,688
but they couldn't possibly
all have good taste.
980
01:00:44,688 --> 01:00:48,360
You know, it's funny.
We started out like this, Helen and I.
981
01:00:48,360 --> 01:00:51,399
We had bank walls, we hung things,
we picked out tiles together.
982
01:00:51,774 --> 01:00:53,198
Then you know what happens?
983
01:00:53,233 --> 01:00:55,002
Six years later
you find yourself singing
984
01:00:55,002 --> 01:00:57,768
"Surrey with the Fringe on Top"
in front of Ira!
985
01:00:58,515 --> 01:01:00,730
Do we have to talk
about this right now?
986
01:01:00,730 --> 01:01:03,733
Yes. I think that right now actually is
the perfect time to talk about this,
987
01:01:03,733 --> 01:01:07,426
because I want our friends to benefit
from the wisdom of my experience.
988
01:01:07,527 --> 01:01:09,268
Right now
everything is great.
989
01:01:09,303 --> 01:01:12,497
Everyone is happy, everone is in love,
and that's wonderful.
990
01:01:12,532 --> 01:01:14,456
But you gotta know
that sooner or later,
991
01:01:14,456 --> 01:01:17,886
you're gonna be screaming at each other
about who's gonna get this dish.
992
01:01:17,886 --> 01:01:21,201
This 8-dollar dish will cost you
1,000 dollar in phone calls
993
01:01:21,201 --> 01:01:23,174
to the legal firm of
"That's mine, this is yours".
994
01:01:23,174 --> 01:01:24,646
- Harry...
- Please.
995
01:01:24,650 --> 01:01:27,852
Jess, Marie,
do me a favour for your own good.
996
01:01:28,693 --> 01:01:31,015
Put your name
in your books right now
997
01:01:31,015 --> 01:01:33,098
before they get mixed up and
you don't know whose is whose,
998
01:01:33,098 --> 01:01:34,836
because some day,
believe it or not,
999
01:01:34,836 --> 01:01:38,262
you'll go 15 rounds over
who's gonna get this coffee table.
1000
01:01:38,390 --> 01:01:43,612
This stupid, wagon-wheel,
Roy-Rogers, garage-sale coffee table!
1001
01:01:45,588 --> 01:01:49,557
- I thought you liked it.
- I was being nice!
1002
01:01:53,740 --> 01:01:55,842
He just bumped into Helen.
1003
01:02:03,379 --> 01:02:04,660
I want you to know...
1004
01:02:06,298 --> 01:02:10,474
that I will never want
that wagon-wheel coffee table.
1005
01:02:19,277 --> 01:02:21,635
I know, I know,
I shouldn't have done it.
1006
01:02:22,551 --> 01:02:24,627
Harry, you're gonna have
to try and find a way
1007
01:02:24,627 --> 01:02:27,472
of not expressing
every feeling that you have,
1008
01:02:27,472 --> 01:02:29,324
every moment
that you have them.
1009
01:02:29,324 --> 01:02:31,992
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
1010
01:02:32,171 --> 01:02:34,785
There are times
and places for things.
1011
01:02:35,775 --> 01:02:38,524
Well, the next time you're giving
a lecture series on social graces,
1012
01:02:38,524 --> 01:02:40,538
would you let know,
cause I'll sign up.
1013
01:02:40,909 --> 01:02:44,634
Hey! You don't have
to take your anger out on me.
1014
01:02:44,786 --> 01:02:47,099
Oh, I think I'm entitled
to throw a little anger your way.
1015
01:02:47,134 --> 01:02:50,973
Especially when I'm being told how
to live my life by Miss Hospital Corners.
1016
01:02:51,300 --> 01:02:55,022
- What's that supposed to mean?
- I mean, nothing bothers you!
1017
01:02:55,022 --> 01:02:58,435
- You never get upset about anything!
- Don't be ridiculous.
1018
01:02:58,679 --> 01:02:59,678
What?
1019
01:03:00,062 --> 01:03:03,460
You never get upset about Joe.
I never see that back up on you.
1020
01:03:03,460 --> 01:03:04,623
How is that possible?
1021
01:03:04,623 --> 01:03:07,046
Don't you experience
any feelings of loss?
1022
01:03:07,181 --> 01:03:09,264
I don't have to take
this crap from you.
1023
01:03:09,264 --> 01:03:11,629
If you're so over Joe,
why aren't you seeing anyone?
1024
01:03:11,629 --> 01:03:12,975
I see people!
1025
01:03:12,975 --> 01:03:16,308
See people... Have you slept with
one person since you broke up with Joe?
1026
01:03:16,324 --> 01:03:19,029
What the hell does that
have to do with anything?
1027
01:03:19,336 --> 01:03:22,682
That will prove I'm over Joe
because I fuck somebody?
1028
01:03:23,456 --> 01:03:25,374
Harry, you're gonna have
to move back to New Jersey
1029
01:03:25,374 --> 01:03:27,162
because you've slept
with everybody in New York
1030
01:03:27,162 --> 01:03:30,511
and I don't see that turning Helen
into a faint memory for you.
1031
01:03:31,017 --> 01:03:34,308
Besides, I will make love
to somebody when it is making love.
1032
01:03:34,308 --> 01:03:37,702
Not the way you do it,
like you're out for revenge or something.
1033
01:03:38,681 --> 01:03:42,775
- Are you finished now?
- Yes.
1034
01:03:43,288 --> 01:03:46,720
- Can I say something?
- Yes.
1035
01:03:49,973 --> 01:03:52,674
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1036
01:04:03,788 --> 01:04:05,371
Don't say a word.
1037
01:04:09,897 --> 01:04:12,733
It's a monkey, it's a monkey.
Monkey see, monkey do.
1038
01:04:12,975 --> 01:04:15,563
- It's... it's an ape. Going ape.
- It's a baby!
1039
01:04:16,446 --> 01:04:17,545
Planet of the Apes!
1040
01:04:17,545 --> 01:04:18,999
Planet of the Apes?
She just said it's a baby!
1041
01:04:18,999 --> 01:04:20,033
How 'bout
Planet of the Dopes?
1042
01:04:20,033 --> 01:04:21,196
It doesn't look like a baby.
1043
01:04:21,196 --> 01:04:23,976
Bet up. Big mouth.
Mick Jagger is a baby!
1044
01:04:23,976 --> 01:04:26,459
- Baby ape! Baby ape!
- Stop with the apes, will you?
1045
01:04:26,459 --> 01:04:29,422
- Uh, baby's breath.
- Baby... Rosemary's Baby's mouth?
1046
01:04:29,949 --> 01:04:32,659
- "Won't You Come Home, Bill Baby?"
- Baby, baby... Kiss the baby!
1047
01:04:32,659 --> 01:04:34,016
"Melancholy Baby's Mouth"!
1048
01:04:34,016 --> 01:04:36,622
Baby fish... Baby-fish mouth!
Baby-fish mouth!
1049
01:04:38,031 --> 01:04:39,960
- 15 seconds.
- A big baby mouth.
1050
01:04:39,960 --> 01:04:42,216
- B-b-baby Boom!
- Baby...
1051
01:04:42,216 --> 01:04:44,535
Draw something
resembling anything!
1052
01:04:45,457 --> 01:04:48,562
- Crying baby. Kiss the baby.
- Baby spitting up... Exorcist Baby!
1053
01:04:49,405 --> 01:04:52,903
- Baby... "Yes, sir, that's my baby".
- "No, sir, don't mean maybe."
1054
01:04:52,938 --> 01:04:55,524
- That's it. Time's up.
- Baby talk.
1055
01:04:55,774 --> 01:04:59,254
Baby talk? Wh-wh-what's that?
That's not a saying.
1056
01:04:59,361 --> 01:05:02,837
Oh, but "baby-fish mouth" is sweeping
the nation. I hear them talking.
1057
01:05:03,355 --> 01:05:06,125
Final score. Our team: 110.
1058
01:05:06,125 --> 01:05:08,014
You guys: 60.
1059
01:05:08,184 --> 01:05:11,165
- Ouch. Fix. Definitely a fix.
- Pathetic.
1060
01:05:11,837 --> 01:05:16,278
- I can't draw.
- No, that's a baby, and it's clearly talking.
1061
01:05:17,004 --> 01:05:18,244
You're wonderful.
1062
01:05:19,060 --> 01:05:21,831
- All right, who wants coffee?
- I do, and I love you.
1063
01:05:21,831 --> 01:05:24,272
- D'you have any tea?
- Industrial strength.
1064
01:05:25,055 --> 01:05:27,667
- I'll help you. Decaf?
- Yeah.
1065
01:05:29,108 --> 01:05:30,635
- Three.
- Yes, please.
1066
01:05:31,034 --> 01:05:33,803
- Where's the bathroom?
- Through that door, down the hall.
1067
01:05:41,488 --> 01:05:43,126
Never looked
like a baby to me.
1068
01:05:43,246 --> 01:05:44,851
- Which part?
- All of it.
1069
01:05:44,990 --> 01:05:46,806
Hey, Jess, you were gonna show me
the cover of your new book.
1070
01:05:46,806 --> 01:05:48,585
Oh, yeah, yeah,
it's-it's in the den.
1071
01:05:48,620 --> 01:05:49,853
Look, uh, Julian,
help yourself.
1072
01:05:49,853 --> 01:05:52,642
Have some, uh, more wine,
whatever you like, okay?
1073
01:05:52,954 --> 01:05:55,387
I like saying "it's in the den".
It's got a nice ring to it.
1074
01:05:55,632 --> 01:05:58,366
Emily's a little young for Harry,
don't you think?
1075
01:05:58,622 --> 01:06:01,006
Well, she's young,
but look what she's done.
1076
01:06:01,427 --> 01:06:03,857
What has she done?
She makes desserts.
1077
01:06:04,189 --> 01:06:06,132
Does Julian seem
a little stuffy to you?
1078
01:06:06,132 --> 01:06:08,783
He's a good guy.
You should talk to 'im. Get to know 'im.
1079
01:06:08,818 --> 01:06:10,036
He's too tall to talk to.
1080
01:06:10,085 --> 01:06:13,212
She makes 3,500
chocolate-mousse pies a week.
1081
01:06:14,733 --> 01:06:16,741
Emily is "Aunt Emily"?
1082
01:06:16,885 --> 01:06:19,828
He took us all to a Met game
last week. It was great.
1083
01:06:19,863 --> 01:06:21,571
You all went
to a Met game together?
1084
01:06:21,571 --> 01:06:24,017
Yeah, but... but, yeah,
it was a last-minute thing.
1085
01:06:24,277 --> 01:06:25,642
But Sally hates baseball.
1086
01:06:25,642 --> 01:06:27,636
Harry doesn't even like sweets.
1087
01:06:28,099 --> 01:06:33,037
- Julian is great.
- I know. He's a grown-up.
1088
01:06:33,037 --> 01:06:34,176
Emily is terrific.
1089
01:06:34,176 --> 01:06:36,735
Yeah. Of course,
when I asked her where she was
1090
01:06:36,735 --> 01:06:39,292
when Kennedy was shot,
she said "Ted Kennedy was shot?"
1091
01:06:39,292 --> 01:06:40,313
No...
1092
01:06:52,058 --> 01:06:54,094
- Hello?
- Are you alone?
1093
01:06:54,324 --> 01:06:56,058
Yeah.
I was just finishing a book.
1094
01:06:56,372 --> 01:06:59,224
- Could you come over?
- What's the matter?
1095
01:06:59,724 --> 01:07:02,317
- He's getting married.
- Who?
1096
01:07:03,177 --> 01:07:04,219
Joe!
1097
01:07:05,216 --> 01:07:06,695
I'll be right there.
1098
01:07:11,134 --> 01:07:13,797
- Hi.
- You all right?
1099
01:07:16,590 --> 01:07:18,448
Come on in.
1100
01:07:21,634 --> 01:07:24,373
- I'm sorry to call you so late.
- It's all right.
1101
01:07:26,038 --> 01:07:28,318
- I need a Kleenex.
- Okay.
1102
01:07:28,535 --> 01:07:30,202
Okay. Okay.
1103
01:07:30,548 --> 01:07:33,118
He just called me up.
"Wanted to see how you were."
1104
01:07:33,265 --> 01:07:35,753
"Fine. How are you?"
"Fine."
1105
01:07:35,962 --> 01:07:38,897
His secretary's on vacation,
everything's all backed up.
1106
01:07:39,032 --> 01:07:43,313
He's got a big case in Newark...
blah, blah, blah.
1107
01:07:44,591 --> 01:07:49,053
And I'm sitting on the phone thinking
"I am over him, I really am over him,
1108
01:07:49,053 --> 01:07:52,411
I can't believe I was ever
remotely interested in any of this."
1109
01:07:54,186 --> 01:07:56,746
And then he said
"I have some news."
1110
01:08:01,207 --> 01:08:05,504
She works in his office. She's a paralegal.
Her name is Kimberly.
1111
01:08:07,426 --> 01:08:09,202
He just met her!
1112
01:08:09,529 --> 01:08:12,589
She's supposed to be
his transitional person,
1113
01:08:12,589 --> 01:08:15,274
she's not supposed
to be "the one"!
1114
01:08:20,594 --> 01:08:25,016
All this time, I've been saying...
that he didn't wanna get married.
1115
01:08:26,885 --> 01:08:31,229
But the truth is...
he didn't wanna marry me.
1116
01:08:35,071 --> 01:08:36,901
He didn't love me.
1117
01:08:41,249 --> 01:08:43,638
If you could take him back
right now, would you?
1118
01:08:46,025 --> 01:08:47,303
No!
1119
01:08:48,090 --> 01:08:50,756
But why didn't he
wanna marry me?
1120
01:08:51,389 --> 01:08:54,254
- What's the matter with me?
- Nothing.
1121
01:08:54,488 --> 01:08:56,757
- I'm difficult.
- You're challenging.
1122
01:08:56,928 --> 01:08:59,960
I'm too structured.
I'm completely closed off.
1123
01:08:59,960 --> 01:09:04,903
- But in a good way.
- No, no, no. I drove him away.
1124
01:09:07,254 --> 01:09:11,114
- And I'm gonna be 40!
- When?
1125
01:09:12,251 --> 01:09:14,753
- Some day.
- In eight years.
1126
01:09:15,130 --> 01:09:20,187
But it's there! It's just sitting there
like this big dead end.
1127
01:09:21,364 --> 01:09:23,164
And it's not the same for men.
1128
01:09:23,767 --> 01:09:26,969
Charlie Chaplin had babies
when he was 73.
1129
01:09:26,969 --> 01:09:28,990
Yeah, but he was too old
to pick 'em up.
1130
01:09:35,423 --> 01:09:37,611
Ohh, come here.
Come here.
1131
01:09:37,841 --> 01:09:42,069
It's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be fine, you'll see.
1132
01:09:43,406 --> 01:09:46,119
Go ahead. It's not one
of my favourites anyway.
1133
01:09:48,426 --> 01:09:51,014
It's gonna be okay. Hm?
1134
01:09:56,839 --> 01:09:59,939
Hm? Okay? Okay.
1135
01:10:03,913 --> 01:10:05,183
I'll make some tea.
1136
01:10:05,183 --> 01:10:07,980
Harry, could you just
hold me a little longer?
1137
01:10:07,109 --> 01:10:09,465
Oh, sure.
1138
01:10:16,056 --> 01:10:17,697
Okay? Hm?
1139
01:10:50,055 --> 01:10:52,751
- Are you comfortable?
- Sure.
1140
01:10:58,848 --> 01:11:01,089
D'you want something
to drink or something?
1141
01:11:01,089 --> 01:11:02,940
No, I'm okay.
1142
01:11:04,080 --> 01:11:07,464
I'm gonna get up for some water,
so it's really no trouble.
1143
01:11:07,953 --> 01:11:10,274
Okay. Water.
1144
01:12:05,440 --> 01:12:09,073
You have all your video tapes
alphabetized and on index cards.
1145
01:12:10,424 --> 01:12:11,731
Thank you.
1146
01:12:12,076 --> 01:12:15,640
- D'you wanna watch something?
- No. Not unless you do.
1147
01:12:16,041 --> 01:12:18,270
No. That's okay.
1148
01:12:32,255 --> 01:12:35,966
- D'you wanna go to sleep?
- Okay.
1149
01:13:10,157 --> 01:13:14,381
- Where are you going?
- I gotta go.
1150
01:13:16,189 --> 01:13:17,931
Gotta go home,
I gotta change my clothes
1151
01:13:17,931 --> 01:13:19,773
and then I have to go to work.
And so do you.
1152
01:13:19,808 --> 01:13:23,085
But after work, I'd like to take you out
to dinner, if you're free. Are you free?
1153
01:13:23,536 --> 01:13:26,113
- Yes.
- Fine. I'll call you later.
1154
01:13:26,757 --> 01:13:29,280
- Fine.
- Fine.
1155
01:13:48,098 --> 01:13:50,436
- Yours.
- Hello.
1156
01:13:50,436 --> 01:13:52,811
- I'm sorry to call so early.
- Are you all right?
1157
01:13:52,811 --> 01:13:54,221
No one I know
would call at this hour.
1158
01:13:54,221 --> 01:13:56,478
- I did something terrible.
- What did you do?
1159
01:13:56,513 --> 01:13:58,460
- No one I know would call at this hour.
- It's so awful.
1160
01:13:58,460 --> 01:14:00,002
- I need to talk.
- What happened?
1161
01:14:00,002 --> 01:14:00,592
What's the matter?
1162
01:14:00,592 --> 01:14:02,825
- Harry came over last night.
- I went over to Sally's last night.
1163
01:14:02,825 --> 01:14:04,548
Because I was upset that
Joe was getting married.
1164
01:14:04,549 --> 01:14:05,474
And one thing led to another.
1165
01:14:05,474 --> 01:14:07,104
And before I knew,
we were kissing. And then...
1166
01:14:07,104 --> 01:14:08,148
To make a long story short...
1167
01:14:08,148 --> 01:14:08,856
- We did it.
- We did it.
1168
01:14:08,856 --> 01:14:09,969
They did it!
1169
01:14:10,042 --> 01:14:12,541
- That's great, Sally!
- We've been praying for it.
1170
01:14:12,541 --> 01:14:13,856
You should've done it
in the first place.
1171
01:14:13,856 --> 01:14:15,302
For months we've been saying
you should do it.
1172
01:14:14,432 --> 01:14:17,977
- You guys belong together.
- It's like killing two birds with one stone.
1173
01:14:17,997 --> 01:14:19,809
It's like two wrongs
make a right.
1174
01:14:19,809 --> 01:14:20,780
- How was it?
- How was it?
1175
01:14:20,780 --> 01:14:22,492
- The durring part was good...
- The durring part was good...
1176
01:14:22,492 --> 01:14:24,335
- ... but then I felt suffocated.
- ... then I guess it wasn't.
1177
01:14:24,335 --> 01:14:25,841
- Jesus, I'm sorry.
- The worst.
1178
01:14:25,841 --> 01:14:27,507
- I had to get outta there.
- He just disappeared.
1179
01:14:27,507 --> 01:14:29,245
- I feel so bad.
- I'm so embarrassed.
1180
01:14:29,245 --> 01:14:29,999
I don't blame you.
1181
01:14:29,999 --> 01:14:31,240
- That's horrible.
- I think I'm coming down with something.
1182
01:14:31,240 --> 01:14:32,587
I think I'm catching a cold.
1183
01:14:32,587 --> 01:14:34,791
Look, it would have been great
if it worked out, but it didn't.
1184
01:14:34,791 --> 01:14:36,310
I should never
go to bed with anyone
1185
01:14:36,310 --> 01:14:38,281
when you found out
your ex-boyfriend is getting married.
1186
01:14:37,409 --> 01:14:39,282
- Who's that talking?
- Who?
1187
01:14:39,283 --> 01:14:40,283
Is that Jess on the phone?
1188
01:14:39,411 --> 01:14:42,558
- It's Jane Fonda on the VCR.
- It's Bryan Gumble.
1189
01:14:42,558 --> 01:14:44,264
D'you wanna
come over for breakfast?
1190
01:14:44,296 --> 01:14:46,496
- No, I'm not up to it.
- No, I feel too awful.
1191
01:14:46,680 --> 01:14:48,870
- Good.
- I-I mean, it's so early.
1192
01:14:48,870 --> 01:14:51,557
- But call me later if you want.
- I'll call you later, okay?
1193
01:14:51,557 --> 01:14:52,754
- Okay. Bye.
- Bye.
1194
01:14:52,754 --> 01:14:54,176
- Bye.
- Bye.
1195
01:14:55,935 --> 01:14:58,725
- God!
- I know.
1196
01:14:59,808 --> 01:15:02,135
Tell me I'll never have
to be out there again.
1197
01:15:06,165 --> 01:15:08,689
You will never have
to be out there again.
1198
01:15:12,362 --> 01:15:14,275
I'll just say
we made a mistake.
1199
01:15:15,602 --> 01:15:18,516
Sally... it was a mistake.
1200
01:15:20,703 --> 01:15:23,113
I just hope
I get to say it first.
1201
01:15:24,106 --> 01:15:26,631
I hope she says it
before I do.
1202
01:15:29,705 --> 01:15:33,745
- It was a mistake.
- I am so relieved that you think so, too.
1203
01:15:35,254 --> 01:15:37,523
I'm not saying
last night wasn't great.
1204
01:15:38,071 --> 01:15:40,947
- It was.
- Yes, it was.
1205
01:15:42,258 --> 01:15:45,637
- We just never should have done it.
- I couldn't agree more.
1206
01:15:46,053 --> 01:15:49,294
- I'm so relieved.
- Great.
1207
01:15:49,436 --> 01:15:50,465
Yeah.
1208
01:15:53,919 --> 01:15:55,412
Two mixed green salads.
1209
01:16:25,355 --> 01:16:29,735
It is so nice when you can sit
with someone and not have to talk. Hmm?
1210
01:16:34,031 --> 01:16:36,246
It's just like, most of the time,
you go to bed with someone,
1211
01:16:36,783 --> 01:16:40,088
then she tells you all her stories,
you tell her your stories...
1212
01:16:41,279 --> 01:16:44,394
But with Sally and me,
we'd already heard each other's stories.
1213
01:16:44,974 --> 01:16:47,847
So once we went to bed, we didn't know
what we were supposed to do.
1214
01:16:47,847 --> 01:16:50,353
- You know?
- Sure, Harry.
1215
01:16:52,008 --> 01:16:53,284
I don't know.
1216
01:16:53,713 --> 01:16:55,621
Maybe you get to a certain point
in a relationship
1217
01:16:55,621 --> 01:16:58,768
where it's just too late
to have sex. You know?
1218
01:17:09,144 --> 01:17:11,141
Is Harry bringing anyone
to the wedding?
1219
01:17:11,724 --> 01:17:13,238
I don't think so.
1220
01:17:14,951 --> 01:17:20,418
- Is he seeing anyone?
- He was seeing this anthropologist, but...
1221
01:17:21,414 --> 01:17:25,538
- What does she look like?
- Thin, pretty, big tits.
1222
01:17:25,826 --> 01:17:27,693
Your basic nightmare.
1223
01:17:32,045 --> 01:17:33,708
What d'you think?
1224
01:17:35,469 --> 01:17:37,216
Oh, Marie...
1225
01:17:38,367 --> 01:17:43,996
- Tell the truth.
- It's just beautiful.
1226
01:18:15,689 --> 01:18:21,425
We are gathered here today to celebrate
the marriage of Marie... and Jess.
1227
01:18:22,238 --> 01:18:25,306
And to consecrate
their vows of matrimony.
1228
01:18:25,563 --> 01:18:28,927
The vows they will take
join their lives.
1229
01:18:29,310 --> 01:18:34,412
The wine they will share
binds all their hopes together.
1230
01:18:34,552 --> 01:18:36,554
And by the rings
they will wear,
1231
01:18:36,815 --> 01:18:41,610
they will be known to all
as husband and wife.
1232
01:18:52,252 --> 01:18:56,227
I've never seen her so happy.
She's a totally different person.
1233
01:18:56,227 --> 01:19:00,394
Oh, yeah, she is. It's great,
but what're we gonna do about you?
1234
01:19:00,977 --> 01:19:01,765
- Me?
- Hon!
1235
01:19:01,765 --> 01:19:03,015
- Yeah.
- Wanna dance?
1236
01:19:03,247 --> 01:19:06,029
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, I do.
- Excuse us.
1237
01:19:09,375 --> 01:19:11,682
- Hi.
- Hello.
1238
01:19:15,732 --> 01:19:18,721
- Nice ceremony.
- Beautiful.
1239
01:19:21,437 --> 01:19:24,108
Boy, the holidays are rough.
Every year I just try to get
1240
01:19:24,108 --> 01:19:26,806
from the day before Thanksgiving
to the day after New Year's.
1241
01:19:26,841 --> 01:19:28,735
A lot of suicides.
1242
01:19:30,206 --> 01:19:33,350
- Would you like a pea pod with shrimp?
- Thank you.
1243
01:19:34,744 --> 01:19:36,636
- How've you been?
- Fine.
1244
01:19:37,562 --> 01:19:39,515
- Are you seeing anybody?
- Harry.
1245
01:19:39,515 --> 01:19:41,399
- What?
- I don't wanna talk about this.
1246
01:19:41,399 --> 01:19:44,692
- Why not?
- I don't want to talk about it.
1247
01:19:45,140 --> 01:19:47,838
Why can't we get past this?
I mean, are we gonna
1248
01:19:47,838 --> 01:19:49,451
carry this thing around forever?
1249
01:19:49,451 --> 01:19:53,523
- Forever? It just happened!
- It happened three weeks ago.
1250
01:19:54,180 --> 01:19:57,549
You know how a year to a person
is like seven years to a dog?
1251
01:19:58,199 --> 01:19:59,073
Yes.
1252
01:20:02,203 --> 01:20:05,402
Is one of us supposed
to be a dog in this scenario?
1253
01:20:05,509 --> 01:20:07,962
- Yes.
- Who is the dog?
1254
01:20:08,115 --> 01:20:11,283
- You are.
- I am. I am the dog!
1255
01:20:11,283 --> 01:20:13,548
- Mmm-hmm.
- I am the dog! I...
1256
01:20:19,948 --> 01:20:22,984
I don't see that, Harry.
If anybody is the dog, you are the dog.
1257
01:20:22,984 --> 01:20:25,301
You wanna act like what happened
didn't mean anything.
1258
01:20:24,437 --> 01:20:26,712
I'm not saying
it didn't mean anything,
1259
01:20:26,712 --> 01:20:28,494
I'm saying why does it
have to mean everything?
1260
01:20:28,494 --> 01:20:30,939
Because it does!
And you should know that
1261
01:20:30,939 --> 01:20:32,869
better than anybody,
because the minute that it happens
1262
01:20:32,869 --> 01:20:34,028
you walk right out the door!
1263
01:20:34,028 --> 01:20:36,975
- I didn't walk out.
- No, sprinted is more like it.
1264
01:20:37,102 --> 01:20:40,213
- We both agreed it was a mistake.
- The worst mistake I ever made!
1265
01:20:42,282 --> 01:20:44,700
- What do you want from me?
- I don't want anything from you.
1266
01:20:44,700 --> 01:20:46,721
Fine. Fine. But let's
just get one thing straight.
1267
01:20:46,721 --> 01:20:48,953
I did not go over there that night
to make love to you.
1268
01:20:48,953 --> 01:20:50,427
That is not why I went there.
1269
01:20:50,427 --> 01:20:52,367
But you looked up at me
with these big weepy eyes.
1270
01:20:52,367 --> 01:20:54,740
"Don't go home tonight, Harry.
Hold me a little longer, Harry."
1271
01:20:54,740 --> 01:20:55,985
What was I supposed to do?
1272
01:20:56,251 --> 01:20:58,799
What are you saying?
You took pity on me?
1273
01:20:58,799 --> 01:21:00,753
- No. I was...
- Fuck you!
1274
01:21:04,780 --> 01:21:07,818
Everybody, could I... have
your attention, please?
1275
01:21:07,952 --> 01:21:12,127
I'd like to propose a toast.
To Harry and Sally.
1276
01:21:12,602 --> 01:21:14,030
To Harry and Sally.
1277
01:21:14,360 --> 01:21:18,342
If Marie or I had found
either of them remotely attractive,
1278
01:21:19,025 --> 01:21:21,139
we would not be here today.
1279
01:22:08,896 --> 01:22:11,520
Hi, it's me.
It's the holiday season,
1280
01:22:11,520 --> 01:22:12,615
and I thought I'd remind you
1281
01:22:12,615 --> 01:22:15,330
that this is the season
of charity and forgiveness.
1282
01:22:15,330 --> 01:22:19,758
And, although it's not widely known,
it is also the season of grovelling.
1283
01:22:20,143 --> 01:22:22,112
So, if you felt
like calling me back,
1284
01:22:22,624 --> 01:22:26,619
I'd be more than happy to do
the traditional Christmas grovelling.
1285
01:22:26,791 --> 01:22:28,225
Give me a call.
1286
01:22:44,821 --> 01:22:47,134
Hi, I'm not home right now.
I'll call you right back.
1287
01:22:47,711 --> 01:22:50,935
If you're there, please pick up
the phone. I really wanna talk to you.
1288
01:22:54,414 --> 01:22:56,651
The fact that you're not answering
leads me to believe
1289
01:22:56,651 --> 01:23:01,503
you're either, A: not at home,
B: home, but don't wanna talk to me,
1290
01:23:01,806 --> 01:23:04,574
or C: home, desperately
wanna talk to me,
1291
01:23:04,574 --> 01:23:07,013
but trapped
under something heavy.
1292
01:23:07,314 --> 01:23:10,041
If it's either A or C,
please call me back.
1293
01:23:12,730 --> 01:23:14,354
Obviously she doesn't
wanna talk to me.
1294
01:23:14,354 --> 01:23:16,467
What do I have to do,
be hit over the head?
1295
01:23:16,823 --> 01:23:18,530
If she wants to call me,
she'll call me.
1296
01:23:18,963 --> 01:23:20,613
I'm through making
a schmuck out of myself.
1297
01:23:21,306 --> 01:23:24,294
If you're feeling
sad and lonely
1298
01:23:24,294 --> 01:23:28,114
There's a service
I can render
1299
01:23:28,114 --> 01:23:30,877
Tell the one
who digs you only
1300
01:23:31,296 --> 01:23:34,308
I can be
so warm and tender
1301
01:23:34,683 --> 01:23:35,948
Call me.
1302
01:23:36,255 --> 01:23:39,613
Maybe it's late
to just call me
1303
01:23:40,074 --> 01:23:43,581
Don't be afraid
to just phone moi
1304
01:23:43,581 --> 01:23:47,667
Call me
and I'll be around
1305
01:23:47,667 --> 01:23:48,998
Give me a call.
1306
01:23:49,193 --> 01:23:51,757
- Hi, Harry.
- Hello. Hi! Hi!
1307
01:23:51,865 --> 01:23:54,461
I di... I didn't know that you would...
That you were there.
1308
01:23:54,820 --> 01:23:57,541
- What're you doing?
- I was just on my way out.
1309
01:23:57,541 --> 01:23:58,778
Where you going?
1310
01:24:00,316 --> 01:24:03,102
- What d'you want, Harry?
- Nothing. Nothing.
1311
01:24:03,102 --> 01:24:06,482
I... I... just called
to say I'm sorry.
1312
01:24:08,312 --> 01:24:09,691
Okay.
1313
01:24:17,129 --> 01:24:19,966
- I gotta go.
- Wait a second. Wait... wait a second.
1314
01:24:20,897 --> 01:24:23,688
What're you doin' for New Year's?
Are you going to the Tylers' party?
1315
01:24:23,688 --> 01:24:25,198
Cause I don't have a date.
1316
01:24:25,392 --> 01:24:26,344
And if you don't have a date,
1317
01:24:26,344 --> 01:24:28,642
we always said that if
neither one of us had a date,
1318
01:24:28,642 --> 01:24:31,527
we could be together
for New Year's and kick in, you know...
1319
01:24:31,527 --> 01:24:35,127
I can't do this any more.
I am not your consolation prize.
1320
01:24:35,399 --> 01:24:36,854
Goodbye.
1321
01:24:46,338 --> 01:24:48,443
And here we are
once again.
1322
01:24:48,443 --> 01:24:53,522
The 16th annual "New Year's
Rockin' Eve", coming to you live...
1323
01:24:53,920 --> 01:24:57,527
What's so bad about this?
You got Dick Clark. That's tradition.
1324
01:24:57,527 --> 01:25:00,106
You got Mallomars,
the greatest cookie of all time.
1325
01:25:00,141 --> 01:25:04,646
And you're about to give the Knicks
their first championship since 1973.
1326
01:25:22,745 --> 01:25:24,847
I don't know why I let you
drag me to this.
1327
01:25:29,449 --> 01:25:33,694
This is much better. Fresh air,
I've the streets all to myself.
1328
01:25:34,277 --> 01:25:36,312
Who needs to be
at a big, crowded party,
1329
01:25:36,312 --> 01:25:38,006
pretending
to have a good time?
1330
01:25:38,288 --> 01:25:41,421
Plus, this is the perfect time
to catch up on my window-shopping.
1331
01:25:42,304 --> 01:25:43,393
This is good.
1332
01:25:55,589 --> 01:25:58,572
So the guy says...
"Read the card."
1333
01:26:08,756 --> 01:26:11,344
- I'm going home.
- You'll never get a taxi.
1334
01:26:12,906 --> 01:26:14,339
Oh, God!
1335
01:26:41,786 --> 01:26:44,086
You realize, of course, that
we could never be friends.
1336
01:26:44,503 --> 01:26:46,597
- Why not?
- What I'm saying
1337
01:26:46,597 --> 01:26:48,682
is that men and women
can't be friends,
1338
01:26:48,682 --> 01:26:51,024
because the sex part
always gets in the way.
1339
01:26:51,024 --> 01:26:52,098
That's not true!
1340
01:26:52,240 --> 01:26:54,947
No man can be friends
with a woman he finds attractive.
1341
01:26:54,947 --> 01:26:56,712
He always wants
to have sex with her.
1342
01:26:56,954 --> 01:26:59,168
What if they don't wanna
have sex with you?
1343
01:26:58,293 --> 01:27:01,578
Doesn't matter. Because
the sex thing is already out there,
1344
01:27:01,578 --> 01:27:03,051
so the friendship
is ultimately doomed.
1345
01:27:03,051 --> 01:27:05,105
And that is
the end of the story.
1346
01:27:05,753 --> 01:27:07,683
Well, I guess
we're not gonna be friends then.
1347
01:27:07,683 --> 01:27:09,812
- Guess not.
- That's too bad.
1348
01:27:10,389 --> 01:27:12,747
You were the only person
that I knew in New York.
1349
01:28:00,289 --> 01:28:03,162
- I'm going.
- It's almost midnight.
1350
01:28:03,894 --> 01:28:06,461
The thought of
not kissing somebody is just...
1351
01:28:06,462 --> 01:28:07,861
I'll kiss you.
1352
01:28:08,495 --> 01:28:10,614
Hey, taxi! Taxi!
1353
01:28:11,296 --> 01:28:12,275
Taxi!
1354
01:28:13,373 --> 01:28:14,486
Shit.
1355
01:28:16,064 --> 01:28:20,266
- Come on, stay. Please.
- Thanks, Jess. I just... I have to go.
1356
01:28:20,567 --> 01:28:23,164
- Oh, wait two minutes.
- I'll call you tomorrow.
1357
01:29:03,305 --> 01:29:06,331
I've been doin' a lot of thinkin',
and the thing is... I love you.
1358
01:29:07,385 --> 01:29:09,700
- What?
- I love you.
1359
01:29:10,466 --> 01:29:12,846
How d'you expect me
to respond to this?
1360
01:29:13,045 --> 01:29:15,045
How 'bout
you love me, too?
1361
01:29:15,335 --> 01:29:17,070
How 'bout I'm leaving?
1362
01:29:17,070 --> 01:29:19,238
Doesn't what I said
mean anything to you?
1363
01:29:19,454 --> 01:29:22,278
I'm sorry, Harry.
I know it's New Year's Eve,
1364
01:29:22,278 --> 01:29:23,653
I know you're feeling lonely,
1365
01:29:23,653 --> 01:29:26,418
but you just can't show up here,
tell me you love me
1366
01:29:26,418 --> 01:29:28,504
and expect that
to make everything all right.
1367
01:29:28,958 --> 01:29:32,033
- It doesn't work this way.
- Well, how does it work?
1368
01:29:32,469 --> 01:29:36,070
- I don't know, but not this way.
- How 'bout this way?
1369
01:29:36,518 --> 01:29:39,379
I love that you get cold
when it's 71 degrees out.
1370
01:29:39,414 --> 01:29:42,233
I love that it takes you an hour
and a half to order a sandwich.
1371
01:29:42,268 --> 01:29:44,124
I love that you get
a little crinkle above your nose
1372
01:29:44,124 --> 01:29:45,543
when you're looking at me
like I'm nuts.
1373
01:29:44,676 --> 01:29:47,434
I love that after
I spend a day with you,
1374
01:29:47,434 --> 01:29:49,518
I can still smell
your perfume on my clothes.
1375
01:29:49,518 --> 01:29:51,842
And I love that
you are the last person
1376
01:29:51,842 --> 01:29:54,072
I wanna talk to
before I go to sleep at night.
1377
01:29:54,370 --> 01:29:58,051
And it's not because I'm lonely,
and it's not because it's New Year's Eve.
1378
01:29:58,172 --> 01:30:00,380
I came here tonight because,
when you realize
1379
01:30:00,380 --> 01:30:02,588
you wanna spend
the rest of your life with somebody,
1380
01:30:02,623 --> 01:30:05,619
you want the rest of your life
to start as soon as possible.
1381
01:30:09,448 --> 01:30:10,443
You see?
1382
01:30:12,166 --> 01:30:14,342
That is just like you, Harry.
1383
01:30:14,342 --> 01:30:18,698
You say things like that and you make it
impossible for me to hate you!
1384
01:30:19,869 --> 01:30:21,866
And I hate you, Harry.
1385
01:30:23,761 --> 01:30:25,636
I really hate you.
1386
01:30:30,260 --> 01:30:31,406
I hate you.
1387
01:30:49,209 --> 01:30:52,771
What does this song mean? My whole life,
I don't know what this song means.
1388
01:30:52,893 --> 01:30:54,456
I mean "Should auld acquaintance
be forgot",
1389
01:30:54,456 --> 01:30:56,507
does that mean that we
should forget old acquaintance?
1390
01:30:56,507 --> 01:30:58,207
Or does it mean that
we haven't to forget them,
1391
01:30:58,207 --> 01:30:58,966
we should remember them?
1392
01:30:58,966 --> 01:31:00,970
Which is not possible
because we already forgot 'em.
1393
01:31:01,604 --> 01:31:04,294
Well, maybe it just means
that... we should remember
1394
01:31:04,294 --> 01:31:06,306
that we forgot them,
or something.
1395
01:31:08,699 --> 01:31:10,986
Anyway,
it's about old friends.
1396
01:31:18,788 --> 01:31:20,963
The first time we met
we hated each other.
1397
01:31:21,234 --> 01:31:23,694
No, you didn't hate me.
I hated you.
1398
01:31:23,911 --> 01:31:26,122
The second time we met,
you didn't even remember me.
1399
01:31:25,257 --> 01:31:28,106
I did, too!
I remembered you.
1400
01:31:28,611 --> 01:31:31,204
The third time we met,
we became friends.
1401
01:31:31,411 --> 01:31:34,467
- We were friends for a long time.
- And then we weren't.
1402
01:31:34,902 --> 01:31:36,880
And then we fell in love.
1403
01:31:37,672 --> 01:31:40,776
- Three months later we got married.
- It only took three months.
1404
01:31:41,440 --> 01:31:42,958
Twelve years
and three months.
1405
01:31:43,278 --> 01:31:45,449
We had this really really
wonderful wedding.
1406
01:31:45,449 --> 01:31:47,069
It was... it really was a...
1407
01:31:47,069 --> 01:31:47,801
- ... a beautiful wedding.
- It was great.
1408
01:31:47,801 --> 01:31:50,077
We had
this enormous... coconut cake.
1409
01:31:50,077 --> 01:31:52,554
Huge coconut cake
with the... with the tiers
1410
01:31:52,554 --> 01:31:55,444
and there was this-thid very rich
chocolate sauce on the side...
1411
01:31:55,638 --> 01:31:59,250
Right. Cause not everybody likes it
on the cake cause it makes it very soggy.
1412
01:31:59,250 --> 01:32:01,261
Particularly,
the coconut soaks up a lot,
1413
01:32:01,261 --> 01:32:03,525
so you really... it's important
to keep it on the side.
1414
01:32:03,560 --> 01:32:03,909
Right.