1 00:00:34,980 --> 00:00:36,780 And now from New York... 2 00:00:36,781 --> 00:00:37,781 The Jerry Langford Show 3 00:00:39,250 --> 00:00:41,845 with Jerry's guests-- Tony Randall... 4 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:45,360 Richard Dreyfuss, Rodney Dangerfield... 5 00:00:45,425 --> 00:00:48,950 Dr. Joyce Brothers, Lou Brown and the orchestra... 6 00:00:49,030 --> 00:00:51,430 and little ol' me-- Ed Herlihy. 7 00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:55,300 And now say hello to Jerry! 8 00:01:04,045 --> 00:01:06,035 - Whoo.! - Whoo.! 9 00:01:11,620 --> 00:01:13,610 Whoo.! 10 00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:21,260 Thank you. Good evening to you. You look like a great audience. 11 00:01:21,330 --> 00:01:23,920 Louie, how are you? Lou Brown, ladies and gentlemen... 12 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,590 and the marvelous Langford orchestra. 13 00:01:25,665 --> 00:01:28,260 Group. Group. 14 00:01:28,335 --> 00:01:30,860 Um...and, Ed, how are you tonight? 15 00:01:30,935 --> 00:01:33,500 - Very well. - Wonderful. Sorry I woke you. 16 00:01:35,075 --> 00:01:37,509 I shall adhere to your request, sir. 17 00:01:46,119 --> 00:01:48,713 O.K. You want Jerry's autograph, give me the books! 18 00:01:48,789 --> 00:01:50,381 Have him write something personal! 19 00:01:50,457 --> 00:01:52,891 Give me the books! O.K., O.K.! 20 00:01:52,959 --> 00:01:54,984 Have him write something personal. 21 00:01:55,061 --> 00:01:57,495 Half an hour! Half an hour! Goodbye! 22 00:01:58,965 --> 00:02:00,398 - Come on! - Ohhh! 23 00:02:00,467 --> 00:02:02,560 It'll be just on a card. 24 00:02:02,636 --> 00:02:04,228 That's all I'm giving you. 25 00:02:04,304 --> 00:02:08,331 I just don't feel like wasting my time going in by myself to get it. 26 00:02:08,408 --> 00:02:10,376 - Hiya, Rupert. - Hello, Rupert. 27 00:02:10,444 --> 00:02:12,378 - Hey, Rupert, who'd you get? - Nobody. 28 00:02:12,446 --> 00:02:15,244 I got Rodney Dangerfield, Richard Harris. I'll trade them for Barbra. 29 00:02:15,315 --> 00:02:18,546 Alan Alda, Robin Williams. I'll give you anyone you want. 30 00:02:18,618 --> 00:02:21,553 Sydney, I'm really not that interested. It's not my whole life. 31 00:02:21,621 --> 00:02:23,680 What's that mean? That's my whole life, me and Sydney's? 32 00:02:23,757 --> 00:02:27,887 That's not my whole life. That's not my whole life. It's yours, but not mine. 33 00:02:37,103 --> 00:02:39,697 Jerry! Jerry! 34 00:02:50,150 --> 00:02:53,586 Jerry! [Shouting Indistinctly] I love you! 35 00:02:53,653 --> 00:02:56,588 Don't-- Don't go, Jerry! 36 00:02:56,656 --> 00:02:59,420 No! No! Jerry! 37 00:03:03,697 --> 00:03:05,392 Jerry! 38 00:03:05,465 --> 00:03:07,262 Would you stop shoving? 39 00:03:07,334 --> 00:03:09,700 -Jerry! - Would you stop pushing? 40 00:03:13,607 --> 00:03:16,542 I'm not going to take-- Jerry! No! No! 41 00:03:33,793 --> 00:03:35,488 I'm gonna love you 42 00:03:37,631 --> 00:03:39,861 Like no one's loved you 43 00:03:41,301 --> 00:03:43,997 Come rain or come shine 44 00:03:49,009 --> 00:03:51,569 High as a mountain 45 00:03:52,979 --> 00:03:55,038 Deep as a river 46 00:03:56,816 --> 00:03:59,808 Come rain or come shine 47 00:04:05,325 --> 00:04:09,193 I guess when you met me 48 00:04:09,262 --> 00:04:12,857 Ohh ohh 49 00:04:12,933 --> 00:04:16,369 It was just one of those things 50 00:04:16,436 --> 00:04:19,530 Ohh ohh ohh 51 00:04:19,606 --> 00:04:21,369 Ohh 52 00:04:21,441 --> 00:04:24,877 But don't ever bet me 53 00:04:24,945 --> 00:04:26,207 Ohh 54 00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:29,874 'Cause I'm gonna be true 55 00:04:29,950 --> 00:04:33,579 Well, if you let me 56 00:04:36,623 --> 00:04:38,557 You gonna love me 57 00:04:38,625 --> 00:04:40,388 Ohh ohh 58 00:04:40,460 --> 00:04:43,156 Like nobody's loved me 59 00:04:43,229 --> 00:04:44,218 Ohh ohh 60 00:04:44,297 --> 00:04:47,391 Come rain or come shine 61 00:04:47,467 --> 00:04:49,059 Ohh 62 00:04:49,135 --> 00:04:50,898 Ohh 63 00:04:50,971 --> 00:04:52,563 Ohh 64 00:04:52,639 --> 00:04:54,402 Happy together 65 00:04:54,474 --> 00:04:56,408 Ohh ohh 66 00:04:56,476 --> 00:04:59,070 Unhappy together 67 00:04:59,145 --> 00:05:02,478 Wouldn't it be fine? 68 00:05:08,254 --> 00:05:13,282 Days may be cloudy or sunny 69 00:05:15,762 --> 00:05:20,859 We're in or we're out of the money 70 00:05:20,934 --> 00:05:23,027 Yeah 71 00:05:23,103 --> 00:05:27,199 I'm with you always 72 00:05:28,775 --> 00:05:30,208 I'm with you 73 00:05:30,276 --> 00:05:33,541 Rain 74 00:05:33,613 --> 00:05:35,706 Or shine 75 00:05:35,782 --> 00:05:40,048 Yeah 76 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,883 Rain 77 00:05:41,955 --> 00:05:44,219 Or 78 00:05:44,290 --> 00:05:50,229 Shine 79 00:05:50,296 --> 00:05:51,820 Jerry! Jerry! 80 00:05:53,967 --> 00:05:55,434 Please. 81 00:05:57,837 --> 00:05:59,930 Aah! Wait! 82 00:06:03,143 --> 00:06:07,273 O.K.! Stand back! Stand back! Please... 83 00:06:07,347 --> 00:06:09,781 let Mr. Langford get some air! 84 00:06:09,849 --> 00:06:11,908 Just stand back! Come on, Jerry! 85 00:06:16,222 --> 00:06:18,554 Did you get my message? Did you get my message? 86 00:06:18,625 --> 00:06:20,058 All right, now-- 87 00:06:21,995 --> 00:06:24,293 Jerry! Jerry! Aah! 88 00:06:25,598 --> 00:06:26,690 Hey, Jerry. 89 00:06:27,767 --> 00:06:29,200 -Jerry! - [Woman] Aah! Aah! 90 00:06:29,269 --> 00:06:30,702 Come on, people! 91 00:06:30,770 --> 00:06:33,364 Jerry, I'm sorry. I don't mean to disturb you. 92 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:36,932 - I just want a minute to ask your advice. - Not now. 93 00:06:37,010 --> 00:06:38,944 If we could just drive away-- 94 00:06:39,012 --> 00:06:40,946 You could drop me off anywhere. 95 00:06:41,014 --> 00:06:42,948 We could talk while we're driving. 96 00:06:43,016 --> 00:06:44,506 I don't do this. 97 00:06:44,584 --> 00:06:46,518 I don't mean to be rude... 98 00:06:46,586 --> 00:06:49,214 but I did put myself on the line for you. 99 00:06:49,289 --> 00:06:50,517 Drive, Harvey. 100 00:06:50,590 --> 00:06:53,024 -Jerry! Jerry! 101 00:06:53,093 --> 00:06:56,392 -Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! 102 00:06:56,463 --> 00:06:59,227 I love you, Jerry! I love you! 103 00:07:00,366 --> 00:07:02,300 Here. 104 00:07:02,368 --> 00:07:04,302 Thanks. 105 00:07:04,370 --> 00:07:06,998 - Is that your initials? - Yeah. 106 00:07:09,342 --> 00:07:12,607 I just want to tell you. My name's Rupert Pupkin. 107 00:07:12,679 --> 00:07:15,113 I know the name means nothing to you... 108 00:07:15,181 --> 00:07:17,775 but it means an awful lot to me, and... 109 00:07:19,252 --> 00:07:21,846 - believe-- - Calm down. Take your time. 110 00:07:21,921 --> 00:07:24,856 I'm a little nervous. You might've wondered who I am. 111 00:07:24,924 --> 00:07:27,358 I've been outside your show many, many times. 112 00:07:27,427 --> 00:07:29,418 I'm in communications right now... 113 00:07:29,496 --> 00:07:31,521 but the point I'm trying to make is... 114 00:07:31,598 --> 00:07:34,032 by nature, I'm a comedian, you know? 115 00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:37,035 I know what you're going to say. ""Oh, not another one.'' 116 00:07:37,103 --> 00:07:39,537 But believe me, I'm very good. I'm dynamite. 117 00:07:39,606 --> 00:07:42,040 I wouldn't take one minute of your time... 118 00:07:42,108 --> 00:07:44,542 if I wasn't absolutely convinced that I'm dynamite. 119 00:07:44,611 --> 00:07:46,545 You're wondering, ""If he's so good... 120 00:07:46,613 --> 00:07:49,047 why hasn't he caught my act somewhere?'' Right? 121 00:07:49,115 --> 00:07:52,016 Good question. I'll tell you why. You know why? 122 00:07:52,085 --> 00:07:55,020 Up to now, I've been biding my time slowly and carefully... 123 00:07:55,088 --> 00:07:57,522 so that when my big break finally came... 124 00:07:57,590 --> 00:08:01,390 like the night Jack Parr got sick? Your big break? 125 00:08:01,461 --> 00:08:04,396 That night convinced me that I wanted to be a comedian. 126 00:08:04,464 --> 00:08:06,989 I walked out of that show like I was in a dream. 127 00:08:07,066 --> 00:08:09,000 After that, I started catching... 128 00:08:09,068 --> 00:08:10,865 all your guest appearances on Sullivan. 129 00:08:10,937 --> 00:08:12,871 I studied everything you ever did-- 130 00:08:12,939 --> 00:08:15,874 the way you built to your one-liners, nice and relaxed... 131 00:08:15,942 --> 00:08:19,378 how you deliver jokes without leaning too much on them... 132 00:08:19,445 --> 00:08:22,380 how you didn't say, ""Hey, folks, here's the punch line.'' 133 00:08:22,448 --> 00:08:25,042 You know, Jerry? You know what I'm talking about? 134 00:08:25,118 --> 00:08:27,552 You don't say, ""Folks, here's the punch line.'' 135 00:08:27,620 --> 00:08:29,815 You just do the punch line. 136 00:08:29,889 --> 00:08:32,221 Exactly. That's what I loved about what you did. 137 00:08:32,292 --> 00:08:34,886 What I'm trying to say is, now I'm ready. 138 00:08:34,961 --> 00:08:37,395 I'm ready, and-- I finished the course. 139 00:08:37,463 --> 00:08:39,897 And I'm thinking as I'm sitting here now... 140 00:08:39,966 --> 00:08:42,093 ""Maybe this is my big break, my big chance.'' 141 00:08:42,168 --> 00:08:43,931 Know what I mean? 142 00:08:45,939 --> 00:08:48,874 What do you think? 143 00:08:51,711 --> 00:08:54,509 - Look, what's your name? - My name's Rupert Pupkin. 144 00:08:54,581 --> 00:08:58,312 All right. Look, pal, got to tell you, this is a crazy business... 145 00:08:58,384 --> 00:09:00,875 but it's not unlike any other business. There are ground rules. 146 00:09:00,954 --> 00:09:02,819 Yeah. 147 00:09:02,889 --> 00:09:06,325 And you don't just walk onto a network show without experience. 148 00:09:06,392 --> 00:09:08,826 Now, I know it's an old hackneyed expression... 149 00:09:08,895 --> 00:09:11,887 but it's the truth-- you've got to start at the bottom. 150 00:09:11,965 --> 00:09:15,059 - I'm at the bottom. - That's a perfect place to start. 151 00:09:15,134 --> 00:09:17,659 I know, but I'm not-- there's got to be-- 152 00:09:17,737 --> 00:09:20,331 It looks so simple to the viewer at home-- 153 00:09:20,406 --> 00:09:23,341 those things that come so easily that are so relaxed... 154 00:09:23,409 --> 00:09:26,344 and look like it's a matter of just taking another breath. 155 00:09:26,412 --> 00:09:28,846 It takes years and years and years... 156 00:09:28,915 --> 00:09:30,849 of honing that and working it. 157 00:09:30,917 --> 00:09:32,851 I don't mean to interrupt you... 158 00:09:32,919 --> 00:09:35,319 but there's a little problem. I'm 34 years old. 159 00:09:35,388 --> 00:09:37,822 That's why I'm asking you to just listen-- 160 00:09:37,891 --> 00:09:41,258 To listen to my act and tell me what you think about it. 161 00:09:41,327 --> 00:09:43,261 Why don't you call my office-- 162 00:09:43,329 --> 00:09:44,921 All right, O.K. I could? 163 00:09:44,998 --> 00:09:47,432 You ask for Cathy Long. She's my secretary. 164 00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:50,469 And we'll make time to listen to what you're talking about. 165 00:09:50,536 --> 00:09:52,470 You don't know how many times... 166 00:09:52,538 --> 00:09:55,473 I've had this conversation in my head. This is beautiful. 167 00:09:55,541 --> 00:09:57,805 - Did it always end this way? - Yeah, it did. 168 00:09:57,877 --> 00:10:00,471 I really believe this. 169 00:10:00,546 --> 00:10:03,481 Once you get over the initial shyness, you'll be O.K. 170 00:10:03,549 --> 00:10:04,914 - Yeah? - Yeah. 171 00:10:05,919 --> 00:10:08,353 Hope it works out for you, Rupert. 172 00:10:08,421 --> 00:10:10,013 Thanks, Jerry. Thanks a lot. 173 00:10:10,089 --> 00:10:12,023 It's a pleasure meeting you, Jerry. 174 00:10:12,091 --> 00:10:14,525 Jerry. I'm a little short on cash... 175 00:10:14,594 --> 00:10:17,028 but if you don't mind just appetizers... 176 00:10:17,096 --> 00:10:19,530 I'd love to take you to dinner sometime. 177 00:10:19,599 --> 00:10:22,067 I don't know my schedule. Maybe we can. 178 00:10:22,135 --> 00:10:23,568 O.K. Thanks, Jerry. Thanks. 179 00:10:23,636 --> 00:10:26,969 Jerry. Let me show you a picture of my pride and joy. 180 00:10:29,842 --> 00:10:31,742 That's good. 181 00:10:31,811 --> 00:10:33,506 - Good, huh? - Yeah, it is. 182 00:10:33,579 --> 00:10:35,547 Hey, Jerry, take it. 183 00:10:35,615 --> 00:10:37,981 Take it. Go ahead, take it. 184 00:10:38,051 --> 00:10:39,951 Consider it a gift. It'll work for you. 185 00:10:41,821 --> 00:10:43,049 I will. 186 00:10:43,122 --> 00:10:45,317 Not that you need the help, Jerry! 187 00:10:45,391 --> 00:10:48,053 Seriously. You ever want lunch--my treat. 188 00:10:49,128 --> 00:10:51,062 Call my office. 189 00:10:51,130 --> 00:10:52,256 O.K., O.K., O.K. 190 00:10:52,332 --> 00:10:55,324 O.K. Jerry, you're a prince.! 191 00:11:08,915 --> 00:11:10,849 Hey, Rupe, before I forget... 192 00:11:10,917 --> 00:11:13,385 I really appreciate you meeting me for lunch. 193 00:11:13,453 --> 00:11:16,320 I know how busy you are and how tired you are. 194 00:11:18,124 --> 00:11:20,058 What are friends for, Jerry? 195 00:11:23,796 --> 00:11:26,390 Talking about schedule, you're the one who looks tired. 196 00:11:26,466 --> 00:11:28,400 Yeah, I know. It's the show. 197 00:11:30,470 --> 00:11:32,062 The pressure, the ratings. 198 00:11:32,138 --> 00:11:34,868 The same guests, the same questions. 199 00:11:36,642 --> 00:11:38,473 I'm just not enjoying it anymore. 200 00:11:38,544 --> 00:11:41,172 That's...the worst. 201 00:11:44,484 --> 00:11:47,885 Listen, I...I really wish you would think about it again. 202 00:11:47,954 --> 00:11:50,718 Wait a minute. You--you're starting again. 203 00:11:50,790 --> 00:11:52,724 You're starting up again. 204 00:11:52,792 --> 00:11:54,885 It's not that big a deal to think. 205 00:11:54,961 --> 00:11:56,553 I'm asking you to think. 206 00:11:56,629 --> 00:11:59,291 I'm thinking. All I do is think day and night. 207 00:11:59,365 --> 00:12:02,801 How can I not think about it? We're here at lunch together... 208 00:12:02,869 --> 00:12:05,303 which I knew is why you invited me... 209 00:12:05,371 --> 00:12:08,238 and I'm here eating to get guilty with you, right? 210 00:12:08,307 --> 00:12:11,242 I'm asking you to take over the show for six weeks. 211 00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:12,834 What's six weeks? 212 00:12:12,912 --> 00:12:16,348 I'll give you anything, but don't ask me to do six weeks. 213 00:12:16,416 --> 00:12:19,010 I can't take over the show for six weeks. 214 00:12:19,085 --> 00:12:22,020 I can't even take over my own life for six weeks. 215 00:12:22,088 --> 00:12:24,522 You're asking for something that's impossible! It's impossible! 216 00:12:24,590 --> 00:12:25,955 - [Woman] Rupert.! - Don't you understand-- 217 00:12:26,025 --> 00:12:27,049 What? 218 00:12:27,126 --> 00:12:29,560 What are you doing down there so late? 219 00:12:29,629 --> 00:12:32,063 It's impossible! I'm trying to tell you that. 220 00:12:32,131 --> 00:12:34,292 What, you want me to cry? 221 00:12:34,367 --> 00:12:38,133 There must be a way to work it out. It's just six weeks. 222 00:12:38,204 --> 00:12:41,230 Excuse me. Um, Mr. Pupkin? You think you could-- 223 00:12:41,307 --> 00:12:44,538 Yeah. Sure. What's your name, dear? 224 00:12:44,610 --> 00:12:48,046 - Dolores. - Dolores? That was my father's name. 225 00:12:49,115 --> 00:12:50,582 ""To Dolores... 226 00:12:50,650 --> 00:12:52,447 who sensed greatness.'' 227 00:12:55,154 --> 00:12:57,088 There you go, sweetheart. 228 00:12:57,156 --> 00:13:00,091 - Thanks, Mr. Pupkin. - Don't mention it. 229 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:04,329 Rupert.! Rupert, who you talking to? 230 00:13:04,397 --> 00:13:06,763 - Mom! - What is it? 231 00:13:06,833 --> 00:13:09,825 Please stop calling me! 232 00:13:14,774 --> 00:13:16,867 It's terrific. It's great. 233 00:13:16,943 --> 00:13:18,535 There's only one problem, though. 234 00:13:18,611 --> 00:13:21,239 He made--he made you bigger. 235 00:13:21,314 --> 00:13:22,713 Would you answer me? 236 00:13:22,782 --> 00:13:25,216 All right! You've got the six weeks! 237 00:13:25,284 --> 00:13:27,878 Don't bother me! I'll give you the six weeks! 238 00:13:27,954 --> 00:13:29,751 What can I say? You happy now? 239 00:13:29,822 --> 00:13:31,346 You're a tough man, Rupe. 240 00:13:31,424 --> 00:13:34,154 You got to be in this business. 241 00:13:34,227 --> 00:13:35,353 Ha ha ha ha! 242 00:13:35,428 --> 00:13:37,020 Ha ha ha ha ha! 243 00:13:37,096 --> 00:13:39,360 Ha ha ha ha ha! 244 00:14:16,769 --> 00:14:17,861 Hello. 245 00:14:17,937 --> 00:14:19,199 Hello. It's Masha, Jerry. 246 00:14:19,272 --> 00:14:21,035 - Who? - Did you get my note? 247 00:14:21,107 --> 00:14:22,199 Who's this? 248 00:14:22,275 --> 00:14:24,209 Masha. Didn't you get the note? 249 00:14:24,277 --> 00:14:26,211 I left it on the back seat... 250 00:14:26,279 --> 00:14:28,713 before they dragged me out of the car. 251 00:14:28,781 --> 00:14:31,215 You know, those guys really hurt me, Jerry. 252 00:14:31,284 --> 00:14:33,218 How did you get this number? 253 00:14:33,286 --> 00:14:35,220 Don't be angry with me, Jerry. 254 00:14:35,288 --> 00:14:37,222 How did you get this number? 255 00:14:37,290 --> 00:14:40,225 I don't know what else to do. I've been calling your-- 256 00:15:19,131 --> 00:15:21,122 How've you been, Rita? 257 00:15:23,769 --> 00:15:26,704 - Do I know you? - I think you might. 258 00:15:32,278 --> 00:15:34,269 Rupert. 259 00:15:34,347 --> 00:15:36,611 - Rupert Pupkin, right? - Right. 260 00:15:38,084 --> 00:15:40,018 I brought you a little present. 261 00:15:41,854 --> 00:15:44,049 Oh, yeah. I remember. 262 00:15:44,123 --> 00:15:46,353 - Mr. Romance. - Heh. 263 00:15:47,526 --> 00:15:49,756 Put an aspirin in that. It'll last longer. 264 00:15:52,465 --> 00:15:55,400 So what are you up to these days? 265 00:15:55,468 --> 00:15:58,631 You're looking as beautiful as ever, Rita. 266 00:15:58,704 --> 00:16:01,639 Well, here I am. Local cheerleader makes good. 267 00:16:01,707 --> 00:16:02,901 You know... 268 00:16:02,975 --> 00:16:04,909 it's funny, but I...I, uh... 269 00:16:04,977 --> 00:16:08,174 - I voted for you ""most beautiful.'' - Did you? That's sweet. 270 00:16:08,247 --> 00:16:11,239 I didn't have the nerve to tell you then, but-- 271 00:16:11,317 --> 00:16:14,343 Yeah, now you can tell me. It's O.K. We're both adults. 272 00:16:14,420 --> 00:16:16,854 Isn't that funny? You know, when you're younger... 273 00:16:16,922 --> 00:16:19,857 you're afraid to say those things, but when you get older... 274 00:16:19,925 --> 00:16:23,361 you can say those things that you should've said 1 5, 20 years ago. 275 00:16:23,429 --> 00:16:27,058 Isn't that the final irony of life? 276 00:16:27,133 --> 00:16:28,395 Isn't it? 277 00:16:28,467 --> 00:16:29,957 I guess. 278 00:16:33,606 --> 00:16:36,040 Are you happy in this place, Rita? 279 00:16:37,943 --> 00:16:40,377 - Why? You got something better? - Maybe. 280 00:16:40,446 --> 00:16:41,879 Oh, really? Like what? 281 00:16:41,947 --> 00:16:43,881 Well...what are you doing tonight? 282 00:16:43,949 --> 00:16:45,883 What am I doing tonight? 283 00:16:45,951 --> 00:16:48,317 - Ha ha! - Yeah. What's so funny? 284 00:16:48,387 --> 00:16:52,517 Isn't it just a little late asking me for a date after 1 5 years? 285 00:16:52,591 --> 00:16:57,221 Ha ha ha ha! Really? Ha ha! Well... 286 00:16:57,296 --> 00:17:01,062 Waiter? Can I have a fresh one? 287 00:17:01,133 --> 00:17:03,067 - Rita. - Hmm? 288 00:17:03,135 --> 00:17:05,262 Who is your favorite movie star? 289 00:17:05,338 --> 00:17:07,704 What is this, some kind of a game? 290 00:17:07,773 --> 00:17:10,571 You going to tell me something about my character... 291 00:17:10,643 --> 00:17:13,077 - my future? - You'll see. Tell me. 292 00:17:13,145 --> 00:17:16,114 Everybody has a favorite movie star. 293 00:17:16,182 --> 00:17:20,278 I better think of somebody, or we'll never get out of here, right? 294 00:17:20,353 --> 00:17:21,786 That's a little test. 295 00:17:21,854 --> 00:17:24,914 Oh, let's see. Marilyn Monroe. 296 00:17:27,793 --> 00:17:29,454 Perfect. 297 00:17:37,236 --> 00:17:39,636 ""Talent Register,'' huh? 298 00:17:44,009 --> 00:17:45,271 That's her name. 299 00:17:45,344 --> 00:17:47,278 She signed this in New York... 300 00:17:47,346 --> 00:17:49,280 during her publicity tour for The Misfits. 301 00:17:49,348 --> 00:17:51,612 - That was her last movie, you know. - Yeah. 302 00:17:51,684 --> 00:17:53,618 She wasn't a great actress... 303 00:17:53,686 --> 00:17:56,280 but she did have a real gift for comedy. 304 00:17:56,355 --> 00:17:58,414 You know, she died tragically alone... 305 00:17:58,491 --> 00:18:01,392 like many of the world's most beautiful women. 306 00:18:01,460 --> 00:18:04,190 I don't want to see that happening to you. 307 00:18:09,101 --> 00:18:11,092 - Who's this? - Burt Reynolds. 308 00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:15,402 - This? - Mel Brooks. He's what you call ""on funny.'' 309 00:18:15,474 --> 00:18:17,840 Others are just regular. 310 00:18:17,910 --> 00:18:19,878 Oh, that's Sid Caesar. He's remarkable. 311 00:18:19,945 --> 00:18:21,879 I really like him. He's great. 312 00:18:21,947 --> 00:18:24,575 Woody Allen. Nice guy. Personal friend of mine. 313 00:18:24,650 --> 00:18:25,912 Of course he is. 314 00:18:25,985 --> 00:18:28,078 Ha ha! No, he is. 315 00:18:28,154 --> 00:18:30,315 Oh, that's Ernie Kovacs. 316 00:18:30,389 --> 00:18:34,553 He was wonderful. He was a...great comedian, great innovator. 317 00:18:34,627 --> 00:18:36,595 That was a great, great loss. 318 00:18:36,662 --> 00:18:38,926 I bet some of these are worth money. 319 00:18:38,998 --> 00:18:41,990 Oh, yeah. Especially this one. Just hold it. 320 00:18:48,474 --> 00:18:51,443 - Who's this? - Well, just take a guess. 321 00:18:51,510 --> 00:18:55,105 - Huh. Looks like ""retard.'' - Ha ha! 322 00:18:55,181 --> 00:18:57,877 The more scribbled the name, the bigger the fame. 323 00:18:59,151 --> 00:19:01,779 That might be true, Rupert, but who is it? 324 00:19:01,854 --> 00:19:03,378 ""R'' is the first letter. 325 00:19:03,456 --> 00:19:05,822 Come on, Rupert, who is it? I'm tired. 326 00:19:05,891 --> 00:19:07,688 I'll give you a little hint. 327 00:19:08,928 --> 00:19:11,863 - Oooo-- - Robert Redford. 328 00:19:11,931 --> 00:19:14,866 Ha ha. No. Ha ha ha ha. 329 00:19:14,934 --> 00:19:19,234 No, no. That's ""Rupert Pupkin.'' 330 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,874 Rupert Pupkin. 331 00:19:25,978 --> 00:19:27,946 I surprised you, didn't I? 332 00:19:31,617 --> 00:19:33,414 Take this as a gift. 333 00:19:37,423 --> 00:19:40,517 Take good care of that. Soon everyone's going to want one. 334 00:19:40,593 --> 00:19:42,185 Rupert, you have not changed. 335 00:19:42,261 --> 00:19:46,197 Just a couple of hours ago, you know who I was talking to? 336 00:19:46,265 --> 00:19:49,200 - Guess! - Your shrink? 337 00:19:49,268 --> 00:19:50,860 Ha ha! That's very funny. 338 00:19:50,936 --> 00:19:54,497 No. Jerry Langford. That's right. The Jerry Langford. 339 00:19:54,573 --> 00:19:57,064 He gave me the go-ahead, Rita. Would you believe it? 340 00:19:57,142 --> 00:19:59,804 And you know what? Don't tell anyone yet... 341 00:19:59,879 --> 00:20:02,905 but you're looking at the new king of comedy. 342 00:20:02,982 --> 00:20:05,644 - Ha ha ha ha. - Why not me? 343 00:20:05,718 --> 00:20:08,312 Why not? A guy can get anything he wants... 344 00:20:08,387 --> 00:20:10,218 as long as he pays the price. 345 00:20:10,289 --> 00:20:14,123 What's so funny about that? I mean, crazier things have happened. 346 00:20:14,193 --> 00:20:16,957 You don't understand what a shot on Langford means. 347 00:20:17,029 --> 00:20:19,623 That's coast-to-coast national TV, a bigger audience... 348 00:20:19,698 --> 00:20:23,156 than the greatest comedians used to play to in a whole lifetime. 349 00:20:23,235 --> 00:20:27,171 A shot at a free ticket on the comedy circuit. My own comedy show-- 350 00:20:27,239 --> 00:20:29,173 The Rupert Pupkin Show. Everything! 351 00:20:29,241 --> 00:20:32,404 And all that leads in one direction, Rita--Hollywood. 352 00:20:32,478 --> 00:20:34,673 A beach house in Malibu on the ocean. 353 00:20:34,747 --> 00:20:37,181 And we'll keep a suite at the Sherry. 354 00:20:37,249 --> 00:20:39,683 Everybody stays there when they make it big. 355 00:20:39,752 --> 00:20:42,687 Up top so we can shout down, ""Hey, tough luck, suckers. 356 00:20:42,755 --> 00:20:45,690 Better luck next time.'' Come on. What do you say? 357 00:20:45,758 --> 00:20:48,693 It sounds wonderful, Rupert. I wish you the best of luck. 358 00:20:48,761 --> 00:20:51,628 But it's getting late, and I'm a working girl. 359 00:20:51,697 --> 00:20:54,962 - I got to go home. - I--I don't get you! 360 00:20:55,034 --> 00:20:57,468 Here I am, offering you a way out. 361 00:20:57,536 --> 00:21:00,471 Rita. Every king needs a queen. 362 00:21:00,539 --> 00:21:02,473 I want you to be mine. 363 00:21:06,779 --> 00:21:09,213 This is a nice street. Nice building. 364 00:21:09,281 --> 00:21:11,943 - Thanks for your jacket, Rupert. - Oh. 365 00:21:13,953 --> 00:21:16,888 I guess you're entitled to come up and have some coffee. 366 00:21:16,956 --> 00:21:19,550 I wouldn't want to impose, really. 367 00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:22,150 - I know I can-- - What do you want? 368 00:21:22,227 --> 00:21:23,819 What? 369 00:21:25,631 --> 00:21:29,226 - What do you want? - What do I want? 370 00:21:29,301 --> 00:21:31,235 Rita, you still don't understand? 371 00:21:31,303 --> 00:21:34,067 I love you. I want to help change your life... 372 00:21:34,139 --> 00:21:36,573 if you'll just give me a chance. 373 00:21:39,144 --> 00:21:42,511 What if I set something up between me, you, and Jerry? 374 00:21:42,581 --> 00:21:45,072 What if we went out to dinner one night? 375 00:21:45,150 --> 00:21:46,845 You know what's even better? 376 00:21:46,919 --> 00:21:49,080 A summer house for a weekend. 377 00:21:49,154 --> 00:21:50,985 He wouldn't want to meet me. 378 00:21:51,056 --> 00:21:53,581 That's not true. 379 00:21:53,659 --> 00:21:55,593 Jerry is a very nice guy. 380 00:21:55,661 --> 00:21:57,595 He's a very, very nice guy... 381 00:21:57,663 --> 00:21:59,597 and we had a terrific meeting. 382 00:21:59,665 --> 00:22:01,599 And you shouldn't sell yourself short. 383 00:22:01,667 --> 00:22:05,000 You have too little faith, and you're a wonderful person. 384 00:22:06,438 --> 00:22:10,033 Why don't you go to sleep and get a good night's rest? 385 00:22:10,109 --> 00:22:12,168 O.K.? 386 00:22:12,244 --> 00:22:14,075 O.K. 387 00:22:16,115 --> 00:22:18,083 - Good night. - Good night. 388 00:22:19,952 --> 00:22:21,977 Go to sleep right away. 389 00:22:32,131 --> 00:22:34,122 I'll tell you, boy. 390 00:22:35,467 --> 00:22:38,732 Hiya, Liza. Good seeing you. 391 00:22:38,804 --> 00:22:41,830 Jerola. Good seeing you. Jerry. Don't get up. 392 00:22:43,475 --> 00:22:45,602 Ahh, boy, I'll tell ya... 393 00:22:45,678 --> 00:22:48,112 every time you come back from a tour... 394 00:22:48,180 --> 00:22:51,411 something must be in the air. The tour really becomes you. 395 00:22:51,483 --> 00:22:54,418 It's like you become rejuvenated. I don't know what it is. 396 00:22:54,486 --> 00:22:55,919 Isn't that so, everybody? 397 00:22:55,988 --> 00:22:58,422 Isn't that so? Hey, hey, there. 398 00:22:58,490 --> 00:23:01,482 Well, that is amazing. It's amazing. You look wonderful. 399 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,994 And I know. You look wonderful, too, Jerry. 400 00:23:04,063 --> 00:23:06,054 I wasn't leaving you out. 401 00:23:07,866 --> 00:23:11,302 Bro? Yeah! Ha ha ha ha ha! 402 00:23:11,370 --> 00:23:13,804 Oh, ha ha ha ha ha! 403 00:23:16,608 --> 00:23:18,542 Oh, Jerry! I love this guy! 404 00:23:18,610 --> 00:23:21,044 Always coming up with these great lines. 405 00:23:21,113 --> 00:23:23,547 I love 'em. I love 'em. You're wonderful. 406 00:23:23,615 --> 00:23:26,049 I don't know what I'd do without you. 407 00:23:26,118 --> 00:23:29,053 Rupert.! The bus is here.! It's early.! 408 00:23:29,121 --> 00:23:32,056 Try to be on time for once.! 409 00:23:32,124 --> 00:23:33,557 I can't believe this. 410 00:23:33,625 --> 00:23:36,560 I got to go. I got to catch a bus. 411 00:23:36,628 --> 00:23:38,220 Jerry. Take care of yourself. 412 00:23:38,297 --> 00:23:40,891 Baby, be good. Good luck in Rio. 413 00:23:46,071 --> 00:23:48,266 Good morning, Rupert. 414 00:23:48,340 --> 00:23:50,604 - Good morning. - How are you? 415 00:23:50,676 --> 00:23:52,940 - This is for you. - Work. 416 00:23:55,647 --> 00:23:58,081 - What time is it? - It's 1 0:00. 417 00:23:58,150 --> 00:24:01,210 1 0:00? Could I use the phone for one second? 418 00:24:01,286 --> 00:24:02,310 Is it local? 419 00:24:02,387 --> 00:24:04,753 Sure. Just dial 9 first. Make it short. 420 00:24:12,598 --> 00:24:15,863 Hello. Jerry Langford, please. 421 00:24:15,934 --> 00:24:17,196 Rupert Pupkin. 422 00:24:18,604 --> 00:24:19,935 Thank you. 423 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:23,874 Yes. Uh, is Jerry there, please? 424 00:24:23,942 --> 00:24:26,536 Rupert Pupkin. Yes. 425 00:24:27,946 --> 00:24:29,880 Just tell him it's Rupert calling. 426 00:24:29,948 --> 00:24:31,540 He'll know what it's about. 427 00:24:33,786 --> 00:24:35,219 Oh. Oh, he is? 428 00:24:35,287 --> 00:24:37,721 Well, that's O.K. I'm in a meeting myself. 429 00:24:37,790 --> 00:24:41,191 Um, just tell him I called, O.K.? Thank you very much. 430 00:24:41,260 --> 00:24:43,387 And I'll call later. Thanks. Bye. 431 00:24:43,462 --> 00:24:46,158 Is that the Jerry Langford? 432 00:24:46,231 --> 00:24:47,664 I'll see you, Roberta. 433 00:24:47,733 --> 00:24:49,530 Yeah. Bye. 434 00:24:51,136 --> 00:24:55,129 Hello. Jerry Langford, please. Rupert Pupkin. 435 00:24:55,207 --> 00:24:58,142 Yes. Rupert Pupkin calling Jerry Langford, please. 436 00:24:58,210 --> 00:25:01,145 Which? The first name or the second name? 437 00:25:02,314 --> 00:25:03,576 P-u-p-k-i-n. 438 00:25:03,649 --> 00:25:05,514 It's often mispronounced and misspelled... 439 00:25:05,584 --> 00:25:07,017 so that's why--yes. 440 00:25:07,085 --> 00:25:09,019 Yes, Jerry knows I'm calling. 441 00:25:09,087 --> 00:25:11,021 He knows what it's about. 442 00:25:11,089 --> 00:25:12,249 Oh, sure. Sure. 443 00:25:12,324 --> 00:25:15,020 I see. I see. 444 00:25:15,093 --> 00:25:17,721 I see. Yes, you can call me. 445 00:25:17,796 --> 00:25:21,027 I'll be here for the next hour and a half. 446 00:25:21,099 --> 00:25:26,765 I'm at my office, and the number is J L5-43 21 . 447 00:25:27,906 --> 00:25:30,534 Yo. Come on, man. 448 00:25:30,609 --> 00:25:32,042 If you don't mind... 449 00:25:32,110 --> 00:25:34,044 I am waiting for a phone call. 450 00:25:34,112 --> 00:25:36,546 It will only take a few minutes. 451 00:25:36,615 --> 00:25:38,810 All of these phones don't work. 452 00:25:38,884 --> 00:25:40,818 I am not making a phone call. 453 00:25:40,886 --> 00:25:42,820 I am expecting a phone call. 454 00:25:42,888 --> 00:25:45,516 I'll show you how to make a phone call. 455 00:25:45,591 --> 00:25:49,220 Wait. Let me just slide in here and make a call. 456 00:25:49,294 --> 00:25:50,852 Let me just make a call! 457 00:25:50,929 --> 00:25:52,658 Uh, it's important. 458 00:25:52,731 --> 00:25:54,164 This phone don't work either. 459 00:25:54,233 --> 00:25:57,498 Don't do that! Don't do that! 460 00:26:28,100 --> 00:26:30,534 Hold on a second. Yes, sir? 461 00:26:30,602 --> 00:26:32,035 Yes. Jerry Langford, please. 462 00:26:32,104 --> 00:26:33,537 Your name, please? 463 00:26:33,605 --> 00:26:35,038 Pupkin. Rupert Pupkin. 464 00:26:36,174 --> 00:26:38,267 Rupert? 465 00:26:38,343 --> 00:26:40,538 Pupkin. P-u-p-k-i-n. 466 00:26:40,612 --> 00:26:43,547 People often misspell it and mispronounce it. 467 00:26:45,117 --> 00:26:49,053 There's a man here by the name of Rupert Pumpkin. 468 00:26:49,121 --> 00:26:51,419 He wants to see Mr. Langford. 469 00:26:55,627 --> 00:26:57,060 I'm sorry, Mr. Pumpkin... 470 00:26:57,129 --> 00:27:01,065 but Mr. Langford's secretary has no record of your appointment. 471 00:27:03,135 --> 00:27:04,329 Pardon me? 472 00:27:04,403 --> 00:27:07,031 We have no record of your appointment. 473 00:27:07,105 --> 00:27:11,439 I don't have an official appointment with Jerry... 474 00:27:11,510 --> 00:27:13,000 but he did ask me to call him personally. 475 00:27:13,078 --> 00:27:16,514 I was in the neighborhood. I thought I'd just stop up. 476 00:27:16,581 --> 00:27:19,015 I had trouble calling for some reason. 477 00:27:19,084 --> 00:27:20,574 The lines seemed to be busy. 478 00:27:20,652 --> 00:27:23,348 He has no appointment. 479 00:27:23,422 --> 00:27:25,185 Mr. Langford's secretary wants to know... 480 00:27:25,257 --> 00:27:27,191 what this is in reference to. 481 00:27:27,259 --> 00:27:28,692 Mr. Gangetti, go right in. 482 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:30,352 Hello? Yes. Jerry and I... 483 00:27:30,429 --> 00:27:32,863 discussed my being on the show last night. 484 00:27:32,931 --> 00:27:34,865 He told me to call. Yes. 485 00:27:34,933 --> 00:27:38,391 Oh, sure. Sure. 486 00:27:38,470 --> 00:27:41,064 I'm supposed to wait. 487 00:28:17,075 --> 00:28:19,009 Is that cork? 488 00:28:19,077 --> 00:28:21,841 I don't know what it is. 489 00:28:21,913 --> 00:28:23,312 Is it dripping on you? 490 00:28:23,382 --> 00:28:26,317 No. I was looking at the patterns. 491 00:28:26,385 --> 00:28:29,684 You know, cork is good for sound. 492 00:28:31,089 --> 00:28:34,456 It's very quiet in here. 493 00:28:34,526 --> 00:28:35,618 Reception. 494 00:28:35,694 --> 00:28:38,822 No. You've got an hour before they come in. 495 00:28:38,897 --> 00:28:42,355 No. He hasn't come back from the meeting yet. 496 00:28:42,434 --> 00:28:44,368 - Mr. Pipkin? - Pupkin. 497 00:28:44,436 --> 00:28:47,371 Sorry. I'm Cathy Long. Can I help you? 498 00:28:47,439 --> 00:28:49,873 - You are? - I'm Bert Thomas' assistant. 499 00:28:49,941 --> 00:28:52,034 He's our executive producer. 500 00:28:52,110 --> 00:28:54,544 Sorry. I've already spoken to Jerry directly... 501 00:28:54,613 --> 00:28:56,547 about my being on the show. 502 00:28:56,615 --> 00:28:59,049 He said to talk to him personally. 503 00:28:59,117 --> 00:29:01,551 What is it exactly that you do? 504 00:29:01,620 --> 00:29:04,054 - I--standup comic. - Where are you working at? 505 00:29:04,122 --> 00:29:05,487 I'm just working on new material. 506 00:29:05,557 --> 00:29:07,991 As soon as you start working again... 507 00:29:08,060 --> 00:29:11,496 call, and we'll send someone down to check out your act. 508 00:29:11,563 --> 00:29:12,655 Thanks for stopping by. 509 00:29:12,731 --> 00:29:15,666 Jerry and I went over all this last night. 510 00:29:15,734 --> 00:29:17,167 Does Jerry know your work? 511 00:29:17,235 --> 00:29:19,169 Yes. I don't think he does. 512 00:29:19,237 --> 00:29:22,001 You have a tape I could listen you? 513 00:29:22,074 --> 00:29:24,668 A tape? Oh, naturally. Whatever you'd like. Sure. 514 00:29:24,743 --> 00:29:25,835 Drop by a tape. 515 00:29:25,911 --> 00:29:29,847 I will. I can see why Jerry would need that. 516 00:29:29,915 --> 00:29:31,007 Nice meeting you. 517 00:29:31,083 --> 00:29:32,516 Nice meeting you, too. 518 00:29:32,584 --> 00:29:35,417 This is really what's right. 519 00:29:35,487 --> 00:29:36,920 This is great. 520 00:29:36,988 --> 00:29:38,922 This is-- See you again. 521 00:29:38,990 --> 00:29:41,288 Nice talking to you. Goodbye. 522 00:29:50,001 --> 00:29:53,095 Rupert. Hey, Rupert.! 523 00:29:53,171 --> 00:29:54,365 We've got to talk. 524 00:29:54,439 --> 00:29:57,374 What happened last night? Did Jerry say anything? 525 00:29:57,442 --> 00:29:59,876 - Nothing happened. - Did he talk about me? 526 00:29:59,945 --> 00:30:01,378 No. He talked about me. 527 00:30:01,446 --> 00:30:03,880 He must have said something about me. 528 00:30:03,949 --> 00:30:05,382 Nothing. What could he say... 529 00:30:05,450 --> 00:30:08,010 after what you did in the car last night? 530 00:30:08,086 --> 00:30:09,781 You must be really loving this. 531 00:30:09,855 --> 00:30:12,790 Yeah. You were schmucko supremo last night. 532 00:30:12,858 --> 00:30:15,793 I'm the schmuck? Me? You're wrong, buddy! 533 00:30:15,861 --> 00:30:18,295 If I hadn't gotten in that car last night... 534 00:30:18,363 --> 00:30:20,297 you wouldn't have had the chance... 535 00:30:20,365 --> 00:30:23,334 to talk to Jerry. Keep that in mind. 536 00:30:23,401 --> 00:30:25,562 Not to be cruel, but we're near Jerry�s building. 537 00:30:25,637 --> 00:30:28,037 God forbid he should see me with you... 538 00:30:28,106 --> 00:30:31,405 because Jerry and I have a real relationship, no fantasy world. 539 00:30:31,476 --> 00:30:33,410 After what you did last night... 540 00:30:33,478 --> 00:30:35,912 I don't want to see you anymore. 541 00:30:35,981 --> 00:30:37,073 Fine! If that's what you want! 542 00:30:37,149 --> 00:30:38,980 Yes. That's what I want. 543 00:30:39,050 --> 00:30:40,483 Just get it to him! 544 00:30:40,552 --> 00:30:43,077 I'm not giving him anything. No way, Jos�. 545 00:30:43,155 --> 00:30:45,589 You're so friendly. You give it to him. 546 00:30:45,657 --> 00:30:47,090 We're having a communication problem. 547 00:30:47,159 --> 00:30:48,592 That's what you call it? 548 00:30:48,660 --> 00:30:51,595 You're always bragging about how you broke bread with Jerry. 549 00:30:51,663 --> 00:30:52,755 Give it to him. 550 00:30:52,831 --> 00:30:56,767 Just do this for me! I've done things for you! 551 00:30:56,835 --> 00:30:58,268 What have you done for me? 552 00:30:58,336 --> 00:30:59,928 What are you talking about? 553 00:31:00,005 --> 00:31:01,097 How about Howard Johnson's? 554 00:31:01,173 --> 00:31:04,336 I bought you food and coffee night after night! 555 00:31:04,409 --> 00:31:06,536 You're crazy. You didn't get me anything. 556 00:31:06,611 --> 00:31:08,704 - I bought my coffee. - You never bought anything! 557 00:31:08,780 --> 00:31:12,045 I did things for you that no money can buy. 558 00:31:12,117 --> 00:31:14,551 How about when I gave you my spot? 559 00:31:14,619 --> 00:31:17,554 I let you get right next to Jerry! 560 00:31:17,622 --> 00:31:19,385 I waited for eight hours. 561 00:31:19,457 --> 00:31:22,893 You were crying because you wanted next to Jerry. 562 00:31:22,961 --> 00:31:24,053 You got next to him! 563 00:31:24,129 --> 00:31:26,563 What about giving you my last album... 564 00:31:26,631 --> 00:31:28,064 of The Best of Jerry.! 565 00:31:28,133 --> 00:31:30,567 I didn't even ask you for money... 566 00:31:30,635 --> 00:31:33,069 and I can't even pay my rent! 567 00:31:33,138 --> 00:31:36,574 I live in a hovel. You live in a townhouse! 568 00:31:36,641 --> 00:31:40,577 O.K., you want to do that? I got money for you! 569 00:31:40,645 --> 00:31:43,580 I can't believe how long I've hung out with you... 570 00:31:43,648 --> 00:31:45,809 and listened to your tired, stale, boring jokes. 571 00:31:45,884 --> 00:31:48,114 - Here's $900. No! No! - Be quiet. 572 00:31:48,186 --> 00:31:50,381 Take this and give it to Jerry! 573 00:31:50,455 --> 00:31:53,754 This is the last time. This is the last time. 574 00:31:53,825 --> 00:31:55,383 When will he get it? 575 00:31:55,460 --> 00:31:56,586 Because you're a wacko. 576 00:31:56,661 --> 00:31:58,094 I'll know if you don't.! 577 00:31:58,163 --> 00:32:00,757 I know where you and Jerry are.! 578 00:32:00,832 --> 00:32:03,426 I cover the waterfront! Remember that! 579 00:32:03,501 --> 00:32:06,368 What are you looking at? Beat it.! 580 00:32:06,438 --> 00:32:07,803 You scum.! You're street trash.! 581 00:32:20,585 --> 00:32:22,519 First of all, Miss Long... 582 00:32:22,587 --> 00:32:25,078 thank you very much for your help at the office... 583 00:32:25,156 --> 00:32:27,386 and for passing this onto Jerry. 584 00:32:27,459 --> 00:32:29,825 I appreciate it more than you know. 585 00:32:29,894 --> 00:32:31,054 Jerry, before I begin... 586 00:32:31,129 --> 00:32:33,563 thank you for listening to this material... 587 00:32:33,632 --> 00:32:36,066 and for the opportunity you've given me. 588 00:32:36,134 --> 00:32:39,069 Lots of people think that people who've made it... 589 00:32:39,137 --> 00:32:42,573 lose their feeling for struggling young talent, such as myself. 590 00:32:42,641 --> 00:32:44,074 Now I know from experience... 591 00:32:44,142 --> 00:32:46,076 that those people are just cynics... 592 00:32:46,144 --> 00:32:48,078 embittered by their own failure. 593 00:32:48,146 --> 00:32:51,411 I know, Jerry, that you are as human as the rest of us... 594 00:32:51,483 --> 00:32:53,246 if not more so. 595 00:32:53,318 --> 00:32:55,582 There's no point in going on about it. 596 00:32:55,654 --> 00:32:58,418 You know how I feel, so let's get on with the show-- 597 00:32:58,490 --> 00:33:01,084 The Best of Rupert Pupkin. 598 00:33:01,159 --> 00:33:03,389 Jerry, I've sketched out this little outline... 599 00:33:03,461 --> 00:33:05,258 to save you time. 600 00:33:05,330 --> 00:33:06,524 It's a little introduction. 601 00:33:06,598 --> 00:33:09,032 So close your eyes, imagine it's exactly 6:00. 602 00:33:09,100 --> 00:33:10,533 You're standing in the wings... 603 00:33:10,602 --> 00:33:13,036 and we hear Lou Brown and the orchestra... 604 00:33:13,104 --> 00:33:16,267 strike up your theme song. 605 00:33:18,610 --> 00:33:20,544 And now, from New York... 606 00:33:20,612 --> 00:33:22,546 it's the Jerry Langford Show... 607 00:33:22,614 --> 00:33:25,549 with Jerry's guests Richard Pryor... 608 00:33:25,617 --> 00:33:26,982 Ben Gazzara... 609 00:33:27,052 --> 00:33:28,383 Elizabeth Ashley... 610 00:33:28,453 --> 00:33:29,545 Carol Burnett... 611 00:33:29,621 --> 00:33:32,215 and the comedy find of the year... 612 00:33:32,290 --> 00:33:33,723 making his television debut... 613 00:33:33,792 --> 00:33:37,558 Rupert Pupkin, the new king of comedy! 614 00:33:37,629 --> 00:33:38,891 Rupert.! Rupert.! 615 00:33:38,963 --> 00:33:40,828 -Are you crazy? -Say hello... 616 00:33:40,899 --> 00:33:42,332 What's wrong with you? 617 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:43,890 - People are sleeping.! -Aw, Mom.! 618 00:33:43,968 --> 00:33:44,900 Lower it.! 619 00:33:47,138 --> 00:33:49,368 What's the matter with you? 620 00:33:49,441 --> 00:33:50,567 Mom! 621 00:33:50,642 --> 00:33:52,075 Take it easy. Lower it. 622 00:33:52,143 --> 00:33:53,576 I'm not going to lower it! 623 00:33:53,645 --> 00:33:55,579 I have to do this now! 624 00:33:55,647 --> 00:33:58,081 I don't mind you playing it... 625 00:33:58,149 --> 00:33:59,582 but lower it.! 626 00:33:59,651 --> 00:34:03,087 Now, you come on, Jerry, and you do your monologue. 627 00:34:03,154 --> 00:34:04,587 Then when the time comes... 628 00:34:04,656 --> 00:34:07,022 this is how I see you introducing me. 629 00:34:07,092 --> 00:34:08,957 You could say something like this. 630 00:34:09,027 --> 00:34:11,461 Will you please give your warmest welcome... 631 00:34:11,529 --> 00:34:13,963 to the newest king of comedy... 632 00:34:14,032 --> 00:34:16,227 Rupert Pupkin! 633 00:34:19,037 --> 00:34:21,471 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 634 00:34:21,539 --> 00:34:23,473 My name is Rupert Pupkin. 635 00:34:24,542 --> 00:34:27,477 I was born in Clifton, New Jersey... 636 00:34:27,545 --> 00:34:28,978 which is north of... 637 00:34:30,548 --> 00:34:32,482 Is there anyone here from... 638 00:34:37,555 --> 00:34:38,988 But the fact is... 639 00:35:11,523 --> 00:35:13,957 Mr. Pipkin... 640 00:35:14,025 --> 00:35:17,119 Pupkin. You'll get it right one of these days. 641 00:35:17,195 --> 00:35:18,423 How are you? 642 00:35:18,496 --> 00:35:19,929 I'll bet you have a tape. 643 00:35:19,998 --> 00:35:22,831 - Right here. - O.K. Got your name on it? 644 00:35:22,901 --> 00:35:25,199 We'll listen and get it back to you soon. 645 00:35:25,270 --> 00:35:27,704 Thanks. When Jerry finds a moment. Good. 646 00:35:27,772 --> 00:35:28,966 When will that be? 647 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:32,601 Uh...Actually, you can try me tomorrow. 648 00:35:32,677 --> 00:35:35,612 - Tomorrow? - I might know something by then. 649 00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:37,978 - Otherwise, Monday. - Monday? Hmm. 650 00:35:38,049 --> 00:35:40,609 What I might do is just wait here awhile. 651 00:35:40,685 --> 00:35:43,119 Maybe Jerry will find a minute. 652 00:35:43,188 --> 00:35:45,122 You're really just wasting your time. 653 00:35:45,190 --> 00:35:48,125 We won't know anything till tomorrow at the earliest. 654 00:35:48,193 --> 00:35:50,821 I don't mind. I'm not wasting my time. 655 00:35:50,895 --> 00:35:53,830 I'm glad to do it. It's important to me. 656 00:35:53,898 --> 00:35:55,832 - It'll probably be Monday. - Monday? 657 00:35:55,900 --> 00:35:57,333 Monday. 658 00:35:59,070 --> 00:36:00,503 Well, I'll still wait. 659 00:36:00,572 --> 00:36:03,507 Really, I don't mind. It's O.K. 660 00:36:03,575 --> 00:36:05,668 Tell you what. 661 00:36:05,743 --> 00:36:08,405 Why don't you try me tomorrow afternoon for sure? 662 00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:10,414 - Tomorrow? - Mm-hmm. 663 00:36:10,482 --> 00:36:12,416 - What time? - 4:30. 664 00:36:12,484 --> 00:36:13,917 4:30. I'll be here. 665 00:36:13,985 --> 00:36:15,919 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 666 00:36:15,987 --> 00:36:19,013 - And thank Jerry. O.K. - I will. 667 00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:23,657 Goodbye. 668 00:36:28,199 --> 00:36:29,291 Goodbye. 669 00:36:32,303 --> 00:36:35,966 At least once in his life, every man is a genius. 670 00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:37,473 I'll tell you something, Rupe... 671 00:36:37,542 --> 00:36:40,978 it will be more than once in your life for you... 672 00:36:41,045 --> 00:36:42,137 because you've got it. 673 00:36:42,213 --> 00:36:45,148 From what I've heard here, yeah, you've got it... 674 00:36:45,216 --> 00:36:46,649 and you're stuck with it. 675 00:36:46,718 --> 00:36:49,482 If you wanted to get rid of it, you couldn't. 676 00:36:49,554 --> 00:36:50,885 It's always going to be there. 677 00:36:50,955 --> 00:36:54,118 I know there's no formula for it. 678 00:36:54,192 --> 00:36:56,387 I just don't know how you do it... 679 00:36:56,461 --> 00:36:58,395 and I'm not curious, mind you... 680 00:36:58,463 --> 00:37:00,522 because I want to use the material. 681 00:37:00,598 --> 00:37:04,034 I'm curious because I don't know how you do it. 682 00:37:04,102 --> 00:37:05,967 I really have to ask you that. 683 00:37:06,037 --> 00:37:07,095 How do you do it? 684 00:37:07,171 --> 00:37:10,607 I think it's that I look at my whole life... 685 00:37:10,675 --> 00:37:13,109 and I see the awful things in my life... 686 00:37:13,177 --> 00:37:15,611 and turn it into something funny. 687 00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:17,113 It just happens... 688 00:37:17,181 --> 00:37:19,615 but what about the first few one-liners? 689 00:37:19,684 --> 00:37:21,515 Were they strong enough? 690 00:37:21,586 --> 00:37:24,521 If they were any stronger, you'd hurt yourself. 691 00:37:24,589 --> 00:37:26,022 They're marvelous, you daffy bastard. 692 00:37:26,090 --> 00:37:27,717 Leave them alone. They're beautiful. 693 00:37:27,792 --> 00:37:29,726 A man said-- Listen to me. 694 00:37:29,794 --> 00:37:31,284 Listen to me. 695 00:37:31,362 --> 00:37:34,331 A man said something very profound some years ago... 696 00:37:34,399 --> 00:37:35,889 which I later originated. 697 00:37:35,967 --> 00:37:38,800 If it ain't broke, don't fix it. 698 00:37:38,870 --> 00:37:41,270 Want to know how I know it's so good? 699 00:37:41,339 --> 00:37:43,500 - Yes. - 'Cause I envy you. 700 00:37:43,575 --> 00:37:46,009 I hate you, but I envy you... 701 00:37:46,077 --> 00:37:49,513 because it's purity, it's marvelous, it's humor based on you. 702 00:37:49,581 --> 00:37:51,947 No one else could do it, but you. 703 00:37:52,016 --> 00:37:53,176 I wouldn't lie. 704 00:37:53,251 --> 00:37:55,116 I wouldn't lie to you, Rupe. 705 00:37:55,186 --> 00:38:00,123 This weekend is perfect for you to come to the house, if you care to. 706 00:38:00,191 --> 00:38:01,351 We'll hash it around... 707 00:38:01,426 --> 00:38:05,123 only 'cause I want to know how you do it. 708 00:38:05,196 --> 00:38:07,289 There'll be people there, but we can still work. 709 00:38:07,365 --> 00:38:09,265 It sounds great. 710 00:38:09,334 --> 00:38:12,303 - Terrific. - I would really like to come. 711 00:38:12,370 --> 00:38:13,667 Could I bring somebody? 712 00:38:13,738 --> 00:38:15,797 Ayoung lady? 713 00:38:15,873 --> 00:38:17,864 A very special young lady. 714 00:38:17,942 --> 00:38:20,968 Of course. I'd like to meet her. 715 00:38:25,049 --> 00:38:26,812 Hey, Jerry, how you doing? 716 00:38:26,884 --> 00:38:28,317 How are you? 717 00:38:28,386 --> 00:38:29,318 You're looking good. 718 00:38:29,387 --> 00:38:31,821 You should see me in my white taffeta. 719 00:38:31,889 --> 00:38:32,981 Ha ha ha! 720 00:38:33,057 --> 00:38:35,082 You're doing some great shows, Jerry. 721 00:38:35,159 --> 00:38:36,490 Thanks a lot. 722 00:38:36,561 --> 00:38:38,995 How about putting me on your show? 723 00:38:39,063 --> 00:38:41,258 I could have used you last night. 724 00:38:41,332 --> 00:38:42,356 Ha ha ha! 725 00:38:47,071 --> 00:38:48,971 - Hey, Jerry.! - Hey, Jerry.! 726 00:38:55,580 --> 00:38:57,411 Come on down! 727 00:39:01,419 --> 00:39:02,852 Hi, Jerry, how are you? 728 00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:04,353 Hi, there. 729 00:39:04,422 --> 00:39:05,787 Morris, you will not believe... 730 00:39:05,857 --> 00:39:07,290 who's coming down here. 731 00:39:07,358 --> 00:39:08,791 Jerry Langford, right? 732 00:39:08,860 --> 00:39:09,792 Right. 733 00:39:09,861 --> 00:39:11,624 Oh, Morris, please hold on. 734 00:39:11,696 --> 00:39:14,130 Jerry, please sign my magazine for me? 735 00:39:14,198 --> 00:39:16,132 - Yeah. - You're wonderful. 736 00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:17,497 I've watched you your entire career. 737 00:39:17,568 --> 00:39:19,502 You're a joy to the world. 738 00:39:19,570 --> 00:39:22,505 Please say something to my nephew Morris on the phone. 739 00:39:22,573 --> 00:39:24,040 He's in the hospital and-- 740 00:39:24,108 --> 00:39:25,302 I'm sorry. I'm late. 741 00:39:25,376 --> 00:39:26,809 You should only get cancer! 742 00:39:26,878 --> 00:39:28,311 I hope you get cancer! 743 00:39:28,379 --> 00:39:29,471 Jerry, an autograph? 744 00:39:29,547 --> 00:39:30,639 I can't. I'm late. 745 00:39:30,715 --> 00:39:33,115 I can't believe that kind of a person! 746 00:40:37,615 --> 00:40:39,048 Yes, sir. Oh, hi. 747 00:40:39,117 --> 00:40:40,550 Hi. How are you? 748 00:40:40,618 --> 00:40:41,915 Not bad. 749 00:40:41,986 --> 00:40:43,453 Good. Good. I'm fine. 750 00:40:44,789 --> 00:40:46,222 Can I help you? 751 00:40:46,290 --> 00:40:49,555 Yes. I'd like to see Jerry, please. 752 00:40:49,627 --> 00:40:51,060 You are... 753 00:40:51,129 --> 00:40:52,255 Pupkin. 754 00:40:52,330 --> 00:40:53,957 Rupert Pupkin. 755 00:40:55,633 --> 00:40:57,066 Mr. Potkin is here. 756 00:40:57,135 --> 00:41:00,070 That's right. O.K. 757 00:41:00,138 --> 00:41:02,538 She'll be with you in a minute. 758 00:41:02,607 --> 00:41:04,541 Who was that? 759 00:41:04,609 --> 00:41:05,701 Miss Long. 760 00:41:05,777 --> 00:41:08,007 Oh, well...I'd... 761 00:41:08,079 --> 00:41:10,240 prefer to see Jerry. 762 00:41:10,314 --> 00:41:12,441 Miss Long will take care of you. 763 00:41:12,517 --> 00:41:14,883 O.K. I'll wait right here. 764 00:41:21,058 --> 00:41:22,525 And as a surprise... 765 00:41:22,593 --> 00:41:25,528 to Rupert being on the show with us tonight... 766 00:41:25,596 --> 00:41:28,030 we'd like to present to you someone... 767 00:41:28,099 --> 00:41:32,536 in a form that we've never presented before, a mystery guest. 768 00:41:32,603 --> 00:41:34,537 Please welcome our mystery guest. 769 00:41:34,605 --> 00:41:36,539 Let's hear it for him. 770 00:41:44,615 --> 00:41:47,049 Jerry, this is the mystery guest? 771 00:41:47,118 --> 00:41:49,416 This is the mystery guest. 772 00:41:49,487 --> 00:41:51,352 Let's see if I can place him. 773 00:41:51,422 --> 00:41:52,480 I think I know. 774 00:41:52,557 --> 00:41:53,990 Don't you remember me? 775 00:41:54,058 --> 00:41:55,491 No, I don't. 776 00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:56,993 I'm George Cap. 777 00:41:57,061 --> 00:41:59,291 George Cap, my high school principal. 778 00:41:59,363 --> 00:42:00,557 You guessed it. 779 00:42:00,631 --> 00:42:03,065 You used to fail me all the time. 780 00:42:03,134 --> 00:42:06,365 What do you have him on for? He's an enemy. 781 00:42:06,437 --> 00:42:07,495 Because you deserved it. 782 00:42:07,572 --> 00:42:09,005 - Oh, thank you. 783 00:42:09,073 --> 00:42:11,007 I'm a justice of the peace now. 784 00:42:11,075 --> 00:42:13,202 - I perform weddings. - Do you? 785 00:42:14,745 --> 00:42:15,677 Jerry. 786 00:42:18,683 --> 00:42:20,014 Jerry, what are you doing? 787 00:42:20,084 --> 00:42:21,312 I can't believe this. 788 00:42:21,385 --> 00:42:23,683 Believe because it's part of the surprise. 789 00:42:23,754 --> 00:42:24,846 How would the audience... 790 00:42:24,922 --> 00:42:27,356 like to see the king of comedy... 791 00:42:27,425 --> 00:42:29,290 marry his queen right here on the show? 792 00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:31,294 I don't know what to say.! 793 00:42:31,362 --> 00:42:32,795 Thanks a million, Jerry. 794 00:42:32,864 --> 00:42:35,230 That's too much. That's too much. 795 00:43:45,603 --> 00:43:46,627 Dearly beloved... 796 00:43:46,704 --> 00:43:49,036 when Rupert here was a student... 797 00:43:49,106 --> 00:43:51,040 at the Clifton high school... 798 00:43:51,108 --> 00:43:54,043 none of us--myself... 799 00:43:54,111 --> 00:43:56,443 his teachers... his classmates-- 800 00:43:56,514 --> 00:44:00,041 dreamt that he would amount to a hill of beans... 801 00:44:00,117 --> 00:44:01,550 but we were wrong... 802 00:44:01,619 --> 00:44:04,486 and you, Rupert, you were right... 803 00:44:04,555 --> 00:44:07,615 and that's why tonight... 804 00:44:07,692 --> 00:44:09,489 before the entire nation... 805 00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:14,497 we'd like to apologize to you personally... 806 00:44:14,565 --> 00:44:16,499 and to beg your forgiveness... 807 00:44:16,567 --> 00:44:20,003 for--for all the things we did to you... 808 00:44:20,071 --> 00:44:23,507 and we'd like to thank you personally... 809 00:44:23,574 --> 00:44:25,337 all of us... 810 00:44:25,409 --> 00:44:30,506 for the meaning you've given our lives. 811 00:44:30,581 --> 00:44:36,520 Please accept our warmest wishes, Rita and Rupert... 812 00:44:36,587 --> 00:44:39,784 for a long and successful reign together. 813 00:44:41,926 --> 00:44:46,295 We'll be back to marry them right after this word. 814 00:44:48,032 --> 00:44:50,466 - Mr. Pupkin. - How are you today? 815 00:44:50,534 --> 00:44:52,525 - I'm fine. - Good. Good. 816 00:44:52,603 --> 00:44:55,538 I want to thank you for your tape. 817 00:44:55,606 --> 00:44:58,040 We listened to it with great interest. 818 00:44:58,109 --> 00:45:00,543 We see a lot of good things... 819 00:45:00,611 --> 00:45:01,805 in what you're doing. 820 00:45:01,879 --> 00:45:04,313 We think you have a very good potential. 821 00:45:04,382 --> 00:45:05,314 Good. 822 00:45:05,383 --> 00:45:07,248 Which is why we're being honest. 823 00:45:07,318 --> 00:45:08,478 You should be. 824 00:45:08,552 --> 00:45:11,282 We just don't think you're ready yet. 825 00:45:11,355 --> 00:45:12,481 Don't think I'm ready? 826 00:45:12,556 --> 00:45:14,285 Now you're not right for Jerry. 827 00:45:14,358 --> 00:45:15,484 Right for Jerry. Mm-hmm. 828 00:45:15,559 --> 00:45:17,493 Some of the material is good... 829 00:45:17,561 --> 00:45:20,325 but some of the one-liners, for instance... 830 00:45:20,398 --> 00:45:21,558 are not very strong. 831 00:45:21,632 --> 00:45:25,363 In other words, you didn't like some of the jokes. 832 00:45:25,436 --> 00:45:26,403 That's right. 833 00:45:26,470 --> 00:45:27,994 I can take care of that. 834 00:45:28,072 --> 00:45:31,508 Tell me the ones you dislike, and no problem. 835 00:45:31,575 --> 00:45:33,873 That's a great help. This is great. 836 00:45:33,944 --> 00:45:35,377 You have a good potential. 837 00:45:35,446 --> 00:45:36,913 Your timing was excellent... 838 00:45:36,981 --> 00:45:39,415 but you should keep developing your act. 839 00:45:39,483 --> 00:45:41,747 Test it in a few live situations. 840 00:45:41,819 --> 00:45:44,253 That would be very good for you. 841 00:45:44,321 --> 00:45:46,255 There are clubs you can try. 842 00:45:46,323 --> 00:45:49,019 When you start working in one of those, call. 843 00:45:49,093 --> 00:45:51,391 We'll send someone to see you. Promise. 844 00:45:51,462 --> 00:45:52,554 Thanks. 845 00:45:52,630 --> 00:45:54,598 - You're welcome. Bye-bye. - Thank you. 846 00:45:56,901 --> 00:45:58,732 May I ask you a question? 847 00:45:58,803 --> 00:45:59,827 Yes. 848 00:45:59,904 --> 00:46:01,166 Are you speaking for Jerry? 849 00:46:01,238 --> 00:46:02,330 Yes, I am. 850 00:46:02,406 --> 00:46:03,930 He has complete faith in our judgment. 851 00:46:04,008 --> 00:46:05,976 I'm sorry to have to say this... 852 00:46:06,043 --> 00:46:07,806 and don't take it personally... 853 00:46:07,878 --> 00:46:10,745 but I don't have faith in your judgment. 854 00:46:10,815 --> 00:46:13,249 I'm sorry that you feel that way... 855 00:46:13,317 --> 00:46:15,080 but there's nothing we can do about that. 856 00:46:15,152 --> 00:46:17,552 I'm afraid I'll have to disagree with you again. 857 00:46:17,621 --> 00:46:19,555 Well, that's your privilege, Mr. Pupkin. 858 00:46:19,623 --> 00:46:20,647 Would you excuse me? 859 00:46:20,724 --> 00:46:22,419 I have a great many things to do. 860 00:46:22,493 --> 00:46:24,859 Miss Long, when will Jerry be back? 861 00:46:24,929 --> 00:46:28,262 Mr. Langford won't be in until very late this afternoon. 862 00:46:28,332 --> 00:46:29,765 We mean what we say... 863 00:46:29,834 --> 00:46:32,268 when we thank you for coming... 864 00:46:32,336 --> 00:46:34,770 and we mean it when we say... 865 00:46:34,839 --> 00:46:37,171 you can call when you start working. 866 00:46:37,241 --> 00:46:38,333 All right? Goodbye. 867 00:46:38,409 --> 00:46:39,569 Goodbye. 868 00:47:00,097 --> 00:47:01,689 Ahem. 869 00:47:03,100 --> 00:47:06,001 Is there anyone else you'd like to see? 870 00:47:09,039 --> 00:47:10,973 No. That's all right. 871 00:47:13,043 --> 00:47:14,476 I don't mind waiting. 872 00:47:16,213 --> 00:47:19,478 Which reminds me about the man who waited so long... 873 00:47:19,550 --> 00:47:22,018 he forgot what he was waiting for. 874 00:47:22,086 --> 00:47:24,486 Well, would you mind waiting outside, Mr. Pupnick? 875 00:47:24,555 --> 00:47:28,491 This is a reception area and not a waiting room. 876 00:47:28,559 --> 00:47:30,493 I understand. 877 00:47:42,072 --> 00:47:44,006 You asked him to leave? 878 00:47:44,074 --> 00:47:46,008 Yeah, but he won't go. 879 00:47:46,076 --> 00:47:48,806 - What's his name? - Rupert Pumpkin. 880 00:47:50,247 --> 00:47:51,976 - Hi. - Hi. 881 00:47:52,049 --> 00:47:56,008 I'm Raymond Wirtz, in charge of security for the Langford Organization. 882 00:47:56,086 --> 00:47:57,519 Let's go outside and talk. 883 00:47:57,588 --> 00:47:58,680 Is this your bag? 884 00:47:58,756 --> 00:48:00,189 Yes. I'm waiting for Jerry. 885 00:48:00,257 --> 00:48:02,691 - We'll discuss that outside. - I know he's expecting me. 886 00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:05,194 Listen, we'll talk about that outside. 887 00:48:05,262 --> 00:48:06,627 Please take your bag. 888 00:48:06,697 --> 00:48:10,633 I'll explain company policy to you on the way, O.K.? 889 00:48:10,701 --> 00:48:12,965 I'm pretty sure you understand... 890 00:48:13,037 --> 00:48:15,471 that we have certain rules here... 891 00:48:15,539 --> 00:48:19,635 that are essential to the smooth functioning of our operation, right? 892 00:48:19,710 --> 00:48:20,972 Right. 893 00:48:21,045 --> 00:48:22,979 Right. Good. I can just say-- 894 00:48:23,047 --> 00:48:24,139 Just listen, please. 895 00:48:24,215 --> 00:48:25,978 And that without these rules... 896 00:48:26,050 --> 00:48:29,486 we really wouldn't be able to function at our best. 897 00:48:29,553 --> 00:48:30,645 You follow my point? 898 00:48:30,721 --> 00:48:32,655 I get the point except-- 899 00:48:32,723 --> 00:48:33,815 Please, Mr. Puffer, please. 900 00:48:33,891 --> 00:48:34,983 No. After you. 901 00:48:35,059 --> 00:48:36,492 After you, sir, please. 902 00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:38,994 If I could just say that Jerry�s-- 903 00:48:39,063 --> 00:48:39,995 Just listen. 904 00:48:40,064 --> 00:48:41,497 I checked with Miss Long. 905 00:48:41,565 --> 00:48:43,499 You do not have an appointment. 906 00:48:43,567 --> 00:48:46,001 Now, company policy is that only authorized personnel... 907 00:48:46,070 --> 00:48:49,506 and those persons with official business with our organization... 908 00:48:49,573 --> 00:48:51,507 are permitted on our premises. 909 00:48:51,575 --> 00:48:55,602 In other words, you want me to leave the building? 910 00:49:19,737 --> 00:49:22,638 Well, did you get it to him? 911 00:49:22,706 --> 00:49:24,401 What? 912 00:49:24,475 --> 00:49:26,943 Did you get my letter to him? 913 00:49:27,011 --> 00:49:28,774 He's not in there, O.K.? 914 00:49:28,846 --> 00:49:32,509 Now that you're in with him, you can't do me a favor? 915 00:49:32,583 --> 00:49:34,983 Don't bother. Just give me the letter. 916 00:49:35,052 --> 00:49:37,520 - He wasn't there. - I saw him go in. 917 00:49:37,588 --> 00:49:39,886 - Who? -Jerry. 918 00:49:39,957 --> 00:49:41,652 He's up there. Want to see him? 919 00:49:41,725 --> 00:49:45,821 That's impossible, because they assured me that he was out. 920 00:49:45,896 --> 00:49:47,329 And you believed them? 921 00:49:47,398 --> 00:49:50,299 You're so naive. I would expect that from you. 922 00:49:50,367 --> 00:49:52,699 You're so inexperienced. You're such a chump. 923 00:49:52,770 --> 00:49:54,670 He went up there just now? 924 00:49:54,738 --> 00:49:56,330 Of course. Go back up. 925 00:49:56,407 --> 00:49:57,738 Assert yourself a little bit. 926 00:49:57,808 --> 00:49:59,207 He's up there right now. 927 00:50:11,021 --> 00:50:14,422 Would you tell Jerry I'm here to see him, please? 928 00:50:14,491 --> 00:50:15,890 I'm sorry. He's not in. 929 00:50:15,959 --> 00:50:17,859 I happen to know that he is. 930 00:50:17,928 --> 00:50:19,327 I'm sorry. He's not in. 931 00:50:19,396 --> 00:50:22,365 O.K., you're putting your job on the line, lady. 932 00:50:22,433 --> 00:50:25,129 Security... 933 00:50:25,202 --> 00:50:26,669 You, too. 934 00:50:48,625 --> 00:50:51,924 Mr. Pupkin, what are you doing here? 935 00:50:51,995 --> 00:50:53,121 Mr. Pupkin. 936 00:50:54,231 --> 00:50:55,493 Mr. Pupkin. 937 00:50:55,566 --> 00:50:58,057 Shelly, get security on the telephone. 938 00:51:05,042 --> 00:51:06,441 There he goes. 939 00:51:07,778 --> 00:51:10,212 Aah! Hold on, right. 940 00:51:10,280 --> 00:51:13,807 Grab his other arm. Hold on to him, right. 941 00:51:13,884 --> 00:51:15,818 All right. Right out the door. 942 00:51:15,886 --> 00:51:16,978 Come on. 943 00:51:17,054 --> 00:51:18,749 You wouldn't listen, eh? 944 00:51:18,822 --> 00:51:20,813 Jerry, Jerry! 945 00:51:20,891 --> 00:51:22,415 Nobody's going to help you. 946 00:51:22,493 --> 00:51:25,462 You're going to have a lot of explaining to do, Mr. Wirtz. 947 00:51:25,529 --> 00:51:26,996 You had your warning, Krupkin. 948 00:51:27,064 --> 00:51:29,157 My lawyer will be calling you. 949 00:51:29,233 --> 00:51:32,066 Make sure he gets my name right. 950 00:51:32,136 --> 00:51:34,468 Say goodbye to our guest, Miss Long. 951 00:51:34,538 --> 00:51:36,403 Wait till Jerry hears about this. 952 00:51:36,473 --> 00:51:39,340 Don't worry. I will mention your name to Jerry. 953 00:51:39,410 --> 00:51:42,902 Now listen good, because if we see your face again... 954 00:51:42,980 --> 00:51:44,174 I--I understand. 955 00:51:44,248 --> 00:51:46,182 We're going to call the police. 956 00:51:46,250 --> 00:51:47,239 Thank you. 957 00:51:47,317 --> 00:51:49,877 Thank you very much. Ha ha. 958 00:51:49,953 --> 00:51:51,887 - Terrific. - Thank you. 959 00:51:51,955 --> 00:51:54,150 I suppose you got the letter to him. 960 00:51:54,224 --> 00:51:55,589 No. I'll get it later. 961 00:51:55,659 --> 00:51:57,991 When? You just got thrown out. 962 00:51:58,061 --> 00:52:00,825 I didn't get thrown out of the building. 963 00:52:00,898 --> 00:52:04,299 Excuse me. I wasn't getting thrown out of the building. 964 00:52:04,368 --> 00:52:05,892 You're a constant embarrassment. 965 00:52:05,969 --> 00:52:08,233 They walked me outside. Just a moment. 966 00:52:08,305 --> 00:52:10,239 You can't handle the simplest thing. 967 00:52:10,307 --> 00:52:11,774 I'll tell you something else. 968 00:52:11,842 --> 00:52:14,902 I'm going to Jerry�s for the weekend. He invited me. 969 00:52:14,978 --> 00:52:16,411 That's how much you know. 970 00:52:17,981 --> 00:52:19,448 Do I look O.K.? 971 00:52:19,516 --> 00:52:20,483 You look wonderful. 972 00:52:20,551 --> 00:52:22,018 Does this look all right? 973 00:52:22,085 --> 00:52:23,450 That, I'm not sure about... 974 00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:24,919 but you look wonderful. 975 00:52:24,988 --> 00:52:26,216 What do you mean? 976 00:52:26,290 --> 00:52:27,655 What's wrong with it? 977 00:52:27,724 --> 00:52:29,988 I don't think you need it. That's all. 978 00:52:30,060 --> 00:52:31,994 You don't think it looks nice? 979 00:52:32,062 --> 00:52:33,529 No. It looks wonderful. 980 00:52:50,681 --> 00:52:51,739 Hello. 981 00:52:51,815 --> 00:52:53,146 Hello. You must be Jonno. 982 00:52:53,217 --> 00:52:54,309 Yes. 983 00:52:54,384 --> 00:52:57,182 My name is Rupert Pupkin. This is Rita Keene. 984 00:52:57,254 --> 00:52:59,119 Let Jerry know that we're here. 985 00:52:59,189 --> 00:53:01,180 Mr. Langford ask you to come? 986 00:53:01,258 --> 00:53:05,854 Oh, no. We just thought we'd drop in uninvited for the weekend. 987 00:53:05,929 --> 00:53:07,396 Oh, what a view. 988 00:53:07,464 --> 00:53:08,863 The blue bag is mine. 989 00:53:08,932 --> 00:53:10,729 But Mr. Langford's not here. 990 00:53:10,801 --> 00:53:12,530 Where is he? Out playing golf? 991 00:53:12,603 --> 00:53:13,831 Yes. 992 00:53:13,904 --> 00:53:15,997 I hope he's finally going to break 1 00. 993 00:53:16,073 --> 00:53:17,267 1 00? 994 00:53:17,341 --> 00:53:19,468 Perhaps better you come back. 995 00:53:19,543 --> 00:53:20,771 We'll just wait. 996 00:53:20,844 --> 00:53:23,472 But Mr. Langford's not here. 997 00:53:23,547 --> 00:53:25,811 No. That's O.K. We'll just wait. 998 00:53:25,883 --> 00:53:28,010 It's O.K. We don't mind waiting. 999 00:53:28,085 --> 00:53:29,382 Is this lovely? 1000 00:53:33,557 --> 00:53:36,025 The table's only set for one. 1001 00:53:42,132 --> 00:53:43,599 How you like it? 1002 00:53:43,667 --> 00:53:45,100 I could live here. 1003 00:53:45,168 --> 00:53:48,069 Mr. Langford, I'm sorry to disturb you, sir. 1004 00:53:48,138 --> 00:53:49,901 Uh, what's wrong? Everything's wrong. 1005 00:53:49,973 --> 00:53:51,804 There a couple over here. 1006 00:53:51,875 --> 00:53:54,400 His name is, uh, uh, Pumpkin. 1007 00:53:54,478 --> 00:53:57,447 Pumpkin, yes. Do you know a name Pumpkin? 1008 00:53:58,949 --> 00:54:03,181 So, didn't you tell him what time we'd be getting here? 1009 00:54:03,253 --> 00:54:06,188 We didn't have time to iron out the details. 1010 00:54:06,256 --> 00:54:09,157 Yeah, but that butler wasn't even expecting us. 1011 00:54:09,226 --> 00:54:12,127 Jerry has more important things to think about... 1012 00:54:12,195 --> 00:54:14,595 than what he's going to tell his houseboy. 1013 00:54:14,665 --> 00:54:16,633 Oh, really? Well, excuse me. 1014 00:54:21,405 --> 00:54:22,429 He knows everything. 1015 00:54:22,506 --> 00:54:24,974 He knows you're playing golf and everything. 1016 00:54:25,042 --> 00:54:27,840 He want to spend a weekend over here. 1017 00:54:27,911 --> 00:54:30,402 Yes, and you better come back. 1018 00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:31,879 He's, uh, he's touching everything. 1019 00:54:31,949 --> 00:54:33,280 He's ruining the house. 1020 00:54:33,350 --> 00:54:35,818 Hey, I'm getting a heart attack already. 1021 00:54:35,886 --> 00:54:37,285 Here's a famous one... 1022 00:54:37,354 --> 00:54:40,187 with the youngest clown in the world--Zippo. 1023 00:54:40,257 --> 00:54:43,886 Remember this one with Ray Charles on Jerry's special? 1024 00:54:43,961 --> 00:54:46,191 - That's famous. - I know. 1025 00:54:46,263 --> 00:54:49,494 Here's a famous one when he was a kid, 1 2 years old. 1026 00:54:49,566 --> 00:54:50,965 Someone sent this in. 1027 00:54:51,034 --> 00:54:54,094 It was part of the show-- ""I knew you when'' section. 1028 00:54:54,171 --> 00:54:56,639 Someone sent that in as a joke. 1029 00:54:56,707 --> 00:54:59,676 Jerry shows it to everyone on the show. 1030 00:54:59,743 --> 00:55:04,339 If I should take a notion... 1031 00:55:04,414 --> 00:55:07,281 Let's get a little life in this place. 1032 00:55:07,351 --> 00:55:08,841 It's like a funeral parlor. 1033 00:55:08,919 --> 00:55:11,251 Rita, you should really turn that off. 1034 00:55:11,321 --> 00:55:14,256 You shouldn't put that on now. It's not polite. 1035 00:55:14,324 --> 00:55:16,053 How about a spin, handsome? 1036 00:55:16,126 --> 00:55:18,560 I can't really dance in the house. 1037 00:55:18,629 --> 00:55:20,460 A little fun never hurt anybody. 1038 00:55:20,530 --> 00:55:21,963 What if Jerry walks in? 1039 00:55:22,032 --> 00:55:25,593 He'll be happy to see us having a good time. 1040 00:55:25,669 --> 00:55:28,661 You're his friend. He won't mind. 1041 00:55:28,739 --> 00:55:33,403 Ain't nobody's business if I do 1042 00:55:35,212 --> 00:55:36,543 Oh, one day... 1043 00:55:36,613 --> 00:55:39,480 Wonder what the rest of this place is like. 1044 00:55:39,549 --> 00:55:42,245 Well, I'm sure it's very nice. 1045 00:55:42,319 --> 00:55:45,152 Oh, that--no, Rita. I wouldn't go up there. 1046 00:55:45,222 --> 00:55:49,784 Rita, Rita, Rita, I don't think it's a good idea. 1047 00:55:49,860 --> 00:55:50,986 Rita. 1048 00:55:51,061 --> 00:55:52,028 They're watching us. 1049 00:55:52,095 --> 00:55:54,655 You don't have the right to go upstairs. 1050 00:55:54,731 --> 00:55:56,255 Rita, please don't go. 1051 00:56:05,475 --> 00:56:07,773 You going to open the goddamn door? 1052 00:56:07,844 --> 00:56:08,833 Mr. Langford. 1053 00:56:08,912 --> 00:56:10,345 Standing out there eight minutes. 1054 00:56:10,414 --> 00:56:12,678 What was with the door? Jesus. 1055 00:56:12,749 --> 00:56:14,046 Where are they? 1056 00:56:14,117 --> 00:56:16,585 I was going to call the police. 1057 00:56:16,653 --> 00:56:19,747 Hi, Jerry. Hi, Jerry. How are you? 1058 00:56:19,823 --> 00:56:21,757 We were just freshening up upstairs. 1059 00:56:21,825 --> 00:56:24,760 Rita, I want you to meet the Jerry Langford. 1060 00:56:24,828 --> 00:56:27,695 Jerry, I want you to meet the Rita Keene. 1061 00:56:27,764 --> 00:56:28,788 Come on down. 1062 00:56:28,865 --> 00:56:31,629 That a girl. Come on down. 1063 00:56:31,702 --> 00:56:33,533 What's your pleasure, Jerry? 1064 00:56:36,473 --> 00:56:38,373 It's kind of hot out there. 1065 00:56:38,442 --> 00:56:40,239 I want something nice to drink. 1066 00:56:40,310 --> 00:56:42,301 Jerry, what would you like? 1067 00:56:44,815 --> 00:56:46,112 Jerry. 1068 00:56:46,183 --> 00:56:49,516 Excuse us for taking the liberty, but it's not every day... 1069 00:56:49,586 --> 00:56:53,044 that a girl like Rita meets a man like you. 1070 00:56:53,123 --> 00:56:56,092 This is part of your success. What can you do? 1071 00:56:56,159 --> 00:56:57,626 How was your golf game? 1072 00:56:57,694 --> 00:56:59,127 Did you finally break 1 00? 1073 00:56:59,196 --> 00:57:01,323 I told them you were not here. 1074 00:57:01,398 --> 00:57:02,626 That's right. He did. 1075 00:57:02,699 --> 00:57:05,167 They did, Jerry. They were very helpful. 1076 00:57:05,235 --> 00:57:08,864 We took an earlier train because there wasn't anything until after 1 :00. 1077 00:57:08,939 --> 00:57:12,102 Anyway, I brought the work. It's right here... 1078 00:57:12,175 --> 00:57:14,439 all ready and set to go. 1079 00:57:14,511 --> 00:57:15,978 So... 1080 00:57:17,681 --> 00:57:19,876 where is everybody? 1081 00:57:19,950 --> 00:57:21,383 What everybody? 1082 00:57:21,451 --> 00:57:23,885 What everybody? The guests, Jer. 1083 00:57:23,954 --> 00:57:27,355 To tell you the truth, we're getting a little hungry. 1084 00:57:27,424 --> 00:57:29,824 You know I could have you arrested? 1085 00:57:29,893 --> 00:57:32,726 Ha ha ha. He could have us arrested. 1086 00:57:32,796 --> 00:57:37,199 Of course. There's no way that we can prove that we belong here. 1087 00:57:37,267 --> 00:57:40,293 When he comes up with an idea, he's terrific. 1088 00:57:40,370 --> 00:57:42,270 Really? I never thought of that. 1089 00:57:42,339 --> 00:57:43,772 You should have. 1090 00:57:43,840 --> 00:57:45,740 We could set up a story... 1091 00:57:45,809 --> 00:57:48,801 where you invite your friends out for the weekend... 1092 00:57:48,879 --> 00:57:52,280 and you throw them all in jail. Ha ha ha. 1093 00:57:52,349 --> 00:57:55,978 That's terrific. That's terrific. 1094 00:57:56,052 --> 00:57:58,350 What's the matter? Lighten up. 1095 00:57:58,421 --> 00:58:00,855 Let's work on that after we work on this. 1096 00:58:00,924 --> 00:58:02,357 How did you get here? 1097 00:58:02,425 --> 00:58:04,791 Walked in the door. What do you mean? 1098 00:58:04,861 --> 00:58:06,226 What's the matter with you? 1099 00:58:06,296 --> 00:58:07,695 How did you get here? 1100 00:58:07,764 --> 00:58:09,493 I think you're upset. 1101 00:58:09,566 --> 00:58:11,625 I'm going to leave my material here. 1102 00:58:11,701 --> 00:58:12,895 We'll talk later. 1103 00:58:12,969 --> 00:58:15,437 You've got more important things to worry about. 1104 00:58:15,505 --> 00:58:17,473 We'll take a stroll until lunchtime. 1105 00:58:17,541 --> 00:58:20,408 Did anyone ever tell you you're a moron? 1106 00:58:20,477 --> 00:58:23,378 You know, Jerry, I want to tell you something. 1107 00:58:23,446 --> 00:58:24,913 Ordinarily, I wouldn't allow anyone... 1108 00:58:24,981 --> 00:58:26,881 to speak that way about Rita... 1109 00:58:26,950 --> 00:58:29,578 but since it's you, I know you're only kidding. 1110 00:58:29,653 --> 00:58:31,086 He's a real character. 1111 00:58:31,154 --> 00:58:32,815 Rupert. 1112 00:58:32,889 --> 00:58:34,720 He's saying he wants us to go. 1113 00:58:34,791 --> 00:58:36,156 No. He's not saying that. 1114 00:58:36,226 --> 00:58:38,456 Jerry, tell her you're not saying that. 1115 00:58:38,528 --> 00:58:39,859 He's not saying that at all. 1116 00:58:39,930 --> 00:58:41,329 Call the station, Jonno. 1117 00:58:41,398 --> 00:58:42,990 Where you going, Rita? 1118 00:58:43,066 --> 00:58:45,296 There'll be a cab here in 1 0 minutes. 1119 00:58:45,368 --> 00:58:47,199 I'd appreciate if you'd use it. 1120 00:58:47,270 --> 00:58:49,704 Why? You going someplace? 1121 00:58:49,773 --> 00:58:51,138 You are. 1122 00:58:53,076 --> 00:58:54,509 Did I say something wrong? 1123 00:58:54,578 --> 00:58:55,875 'Cause if I did... 1124 00:58:55,946 --> 00:58:58,380 could we chalk it up to inexperience. 1125 00:58:58,448 --> 00:58:59,972 Rita? 1126 00:59:00,050 --> 00:59:01,517 I have my stuff right here. 1127 00:59:01,585 --> 00:59:05,077 We could do it in a half an hour at the most. 1128 00:59:05,155 --> 00:59:06,952 You'd have the afternoon to yourself. 1129 00:59:07,023 --> 00:59:08,957 I want you out of here. 1130 00:59:09,025 --> 00:59:11,585 I want you out of here now. 1131 00:59:11,661 --> 00:59:13,185 Is that plain enough? 1132 00:59:13,263 --> 00:59:15,197 - I understand. - Is that clear? 1133 00:59:15,265 --> 00:59:16,823 Yeah, yeah, Jerry, I understand. 1134 00:59:16,900 --> 00:59:18,367 Look, you're tired. That's O.K. 1135 00:59:18,435 --> 00:59:20,460 I'm going to leave the stuff here. 1136 00:59:20,537 --> 00:59:22,698 Let me know what you think. 1137 00:59:22,772 --> 00:59:24,239 Rupert, don't be so dopey. 1138 00:59:24,307 --> 00:59:26,207 The man is telling us to go. 1139 00:59:26,276 --> 00:59:28,210 He's not. Will you stop that? 1140 00:59:28,278 --> 00:59:30,542 Mr. Langford, I want you to know... 1141 00:59:30,614 --> 00:59:31,979 Tell her she's wrong. 1142 00:59:32,048 --> 00:59:34,482 I don't even know this guy. 1143 00:59:34,551 --> 00:59:36,712 He told me you were friends. 1144 00:59:36,786 --> 00:59:38,947 - Rita, Rita! - I feel terrible about this. 1145 00:59:39,022 --> 00:59:40,284 I'm so humiliated. 1146 00:59:40,357 --> 00:59:42,086 If there's anything I can do to make this up to you... 1147 00:59:42,158 --> 00:59:45,093 Don't listen to her. She wants to spoil everything. 1148 00:59:45,161 --> 00:59:46,685 Come on, Rupert. Let's go. 1149 00:59:46,763 --> 00:59:48,094 Jerry-- 1150 00:59:48,164 --> 00:59:50,132 O.K., come on. Come on. 1151 00:59:50,200 --> 00:59:52,395 Come on. Let's go. 1152 00:59:52,469 --> 00:59:54,494 Sorry, Mr. Langford. 1153 00:59:54,571 --> 00:59:55,970 Do you understand English? 1154 00:59:56,039 --> 00:59:57,336 Take your things and go! 1155 00:59:57,407 --> 01:00:00,672 I just want you to listen to my stuff. 1156 01:00:00,744 --> 01:00:02,177 Is that asking too much? 1157 01:00:02,245 --> 01:00:04,770 Yes, it is. I have a life, O.K.? 1158 01:00:04,848 --> 01:00:06,315 I have a life, too. 1159 01:00:06,383 --> 01:00:07,782 That's not my responsibility. 1160 01:00:07,851 --> 01:00:09,819 It is when you tell me to call you... 1161 01:00:09,886 --> 01:00:12,480 I told you to call to get rid of you! 1162 01:00:12,555 --> 01:00:14,216 - To get rid of me? - That's right. 1163 01:00:14,291 --> 01:00:15,519 I can take a hint. 1164 01:00:15,592 --> 01:00:17,287 If I didn't tell you that... 1165 01:00:17,360 --> 01:00:19,089 we'd still be at my apartment! 1166 01:00:19,162 --> 01:00:20,527 So I made a mistake! 1167 01:00:20,597 --> 01:00:22,087 So did Hitler! 1168 01:00:22,165 --> 01:00:25,999 All right. This is the way it is when you're famous. 1169 01:00:26,069 --> 01:00:27,502 Do you understand now? 1170 01:00:27,570 --> 01:00:29,094 That's how you guys are? 1171 01:00:29,172 --> 01:00:30,503 No, not them. Me, yeah. 1172 01:00:30,573 --> 01:00:33,565 That's how you are when you reach the top? 1173 01:00:33,643 --> 01:00:35,042 I was that way before. 1174 01:00:35,111 --> 01:00:37,477 Now I know how people like you are. 1175 01:00:37,547 --> 01:00:38,980 Goodbye and good luck. 1176 01:00:39,049 --> 01:00:40,914 And Jerry, Jerry... 1177 01:00:40,984 --> 01:00:44,010 I just want to say one more thing, Jerry. 1178 01:00:44,087 --> 01:00:46,578 I'm glad what you did to me today... 1179 01:00:46,656 --> 01:00:49,216 because now I know I can't rely on anybody. 1180 01:00:49,292 --> 01:00:50,816 Not you, not anybody... 1181 01:00:50,894 --> 01:00:52,794 and I shouldn't rely on anybody. 1182 01:00:52,862 --> 01:00:53,886 Right. 1183 01:00:53,964 --> 01:00:56,364 I'm going to work 50 times harder... 1184 01:00:56,433 --> 01:01:00,130 and I'm going to be 50 times more famous than you. 1185 01:01:00,203 --> 01:01:03,104 Then you'll have idiots like you plaguing your life! 1186 01:01:03,173 --> 01:01:04,435 That's right. Yes. 1187 01:01:04,507 --> 01:01:07,135 Come on, Rita. We're wasting our time. 1188 01:01:08,912 --> 01:01:11,244 Jonno, lock that door. 1189 01:01:11,314 --> 01:01:14,044 You did good, Mr. Langford. 1190 01:01:14,117 --> 01:01:15,379 Thank you. 1191 01:01:24,861 --> 01:01:26,658 It looks real. 1192 01:01:28,031 --> 01:01:29,464 That's the whole point. 1193 01:01:34,771 --> 01:01:35,829 Is that him? 1194 01:01:35,905 --> 01:01:37,270 No. 1195 01:01:37,340 --> 01:01:38,602 You sure? 1196 01:01:38,675 --> 01:01:39,801 Sure, I'm sure. 1197 01:01:39,876 --> 01:01:41,776 - It looks too much like him. - What? 1198 01:01:41,845 --> 01:01:44,746 When it's him, it doesn't look like him. 1199 01:01:47,617 --> 01:01:50,518 God, it feels like it's taking him forever. 1200 01:01:52,722 --> 01:01:54,314 How much longer? 1201 01:01:58,495 --> 01:01:59,826 It's him. 1202 01:02:02,932 --> 01:02:04,365 Yeah. That's him. 1203 01:02:08,438 --> 01:02:10,963 - Don't go too fast. - O.K., O.K. 1204 01:02:11,041 --> 01:02:14,101 Stay on this side so you're not all over him. 1205 01:02:14,177 --> 01:02:15,542 I'm getting over soon. 1206 01:02:15,612 --> 01:02:16,909 Get in the next lane... 1207 01:02:16,980 --> 01:02:19,380 when we cross at the light here. 1208 01:02:19,449 --> 01:02:20,746 O.K., O.K., O.K. 1209 01:02:20,817 --> 01:02:22,580 There are too many people. 1210 01:02:22,652 --> 01:02:24,415 I know. I know. Keep going. 1211 01:02:25,722 --> 01:02:29,055 He walks in the most crowded areas. 1212 01:02:29,125 --> 01:02:32,117 Well, because he doesn't want to be alone. 1213 01:02:32,195 --> 01:02:34,129 Why? Tell me. Tell me why. 1214 01:02:34,197 --> 01:02:36,597 I know. You tell me why. 1215 01:02:38,568 --> 01:02:41,469 Don't get an attitude with me right now. 1216 01:02:41,538 --> 01:02:44,507 Explain it to me, 'cause you know so much about him. 1217 01:02:44,574 --> 01:02:47,338 Fill me in. Let me learn from you. 1218 01:02:47,410 --> 01:02:50,379 All right. When he walks on crowded streets... 1219 01:02:50,447 --> 01:02:51,914 he feels safe. That's why. 1220 01:02:51,981 --> 01:02:56,315 Is that what it is? Thanks for telling me. 1221 01:02:58,154 --> 01:03:00,679 When you're losing sight 1222 01:03:00,757 --> 01:03:03,385 Lost in your eyes 1223 01:03:03,460 --> 01:03:05,792 O.K., go past him and stop. 1224 01:03:09,599 --> 01:03:11,089 Hey, Jerry. Get over here. 1225 01:03:11,167 --> 01:03:13,567 Get in there. I'm not fooling around. 1226 01:03:13,636 --> 01:03:16,161 What are you doing? Are you crazy? 1227 01:03:16,239 --> 01:03:18,173 Get in, Jerry. Get in. 1228 01:03:19,175 --> 01:03:21,336 Hi, Jerry. 1229 01:03:24,180 --> 01:03:27,149 She's going to hold the gun on your head. 1230 01:03:27,217 --> 01:03:28,548 Don't make any false moves. 1231 01:03:28,618 --> 01:03:31,143 I'd hate to have to do anything drastic. 1232 01:03:31,221 --> 01:03:32,711 Now, if everything works out... 1233 01:03:32,789 --> 01:03:34,757 you should be out of here... 1234 01:03:34,824 --> 01:03:37,315 by the very latest, 1 2:00, 1 2:30. 1235 01:03:37,393 --> 01:03:40,885 Oh, maybe 1 :00. 1 :1 5 the very latest. 1236 01:03:40,964 --> 01:03:43,933 What I want you to do is call your producer. 1237 01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:45,160 Call what? 1238 01:03:45,235 --> 01:03:48,170 Bert Thomas. I want you to call him. 1239 01:03:48,238 --> 01:03:50,172 I'll give you the phone now. 1240 01:03:50,240 --> 01:03:51,707 Get him on the phone... 1241 01:03:51,774 --> 01:03:55,210 and I'll tell you exactly what to say, O.K.? 1242 01:03:56,646 --> 01:03:58,580 Now, if you don't do it... 1243 01:03:58,648 --> 01:04:00,809 I don't know what to say. 1244 01:04:00,884 --> 01:04:02,818 There could be a problem. 1245 01:04:04,220 --> 01:04:05,619 Now watch your eyes, Jerry. 1246 01:04:05,688 --> 01:04:08,179 I'm going to take these off now. 1247 01:04:08,258 --> 01:04:10,726 It's a little bright in here, O.K.? 1248 01:04:25,275 --> 01:04:26,401 O.K. 1249 01:04:31,347 --> 01:04:32,780 Are these yours? 1250 01:04:34,184 --> 01:04:35,549 Jerry, these are yours? 1251 01:04:35,618 --> 01:04:36,710 Yeah. 1252 01:04:36,786 --> 01:04:39,186 Do you mind if I have one? 1253 01:04:39,255 --> 01:04:42,418 - I don't mind. - Thank you. 1254 01:04:42,492 --> 01:04:44,619 - Masha, do you want one? - Save it for me. 1255 01:04:44,694 --> 01:04:46,127 You want one? 1256 01:04:46,196 --> 01:04:49,188 Yeah, I'd love one, but will you save it? 1257 01:04:49,265 --> 01:04:51,699 It's a little inconvenient at the moment. 1258 01:04:51,768 --> 01:04:53,167 Do you want one? 1259 01:04:53,236 --> 01:04:54,396 No. 1260 01:04:54,470 --> 01:04:57,200 I'll just take one for later, then. 1261 01:04:58,675 --> 01:05:01,701 You know, there's no reason to get mad about it. 1262 01:05:01,778 --> 01:05:04,144 I'm just trying to ease the tension. 1263 01:05:04,214 --> 01:05:06,580 Even though this is a strange situation... 1264 01:05:06,649 --> 01:05:08,082 there are moments of friendship... 1265 01:05:08,151 --> 01:05:10,676 and moments of sharing, or whatever. 1266 01:05:10,753 --> 01:05:12,152 O.K., let's go. 1267 01:05:16,693 --> 01:05:18,217 Jerry, I mean business. 1268 01:05:18,294 --> 01:05:20,455 Get on the phone. Let's go. 1269 01:05:20,530 --> 01:05:22,259 The fun is over. 1270 01:05:25,635 --> 01:05:27,296 Let's go. Come on. 1271 01:05:43,119 --> 01:05:46,850 Bert Thomas, please. Jerry Langford. 1272 01:05:50,360 --> 01:05:51,657 What happened? 1273 01:05:51,728 --> 01:05:53,059 They hung up. 1274 01:05:56,866 --> 01:05:57,992 Call them again. 1275 01:05:58,067 --> 01:05:59,694 Why did they hang up? 1276 01:05:59,769 --> 01:06:01,669 Probably thought it was a gag. 1277 01:06:01,738 --> 01:06:03,706 We get that all the time. 1278 01:06:03,773 --> 01:06:05,206 Well, I find that strange... 1279 01:06:05,275 --> 01:06:06,936 but it's typical... 1280 01:06:07,010 --> 01:06:09,911 'cause that's the way they treat even you... 1281 01:06:09,979 --> 01:06:12,914 'cause I'll let you in on a little secret. 1282 01:06:12,982 --> 01:06:16,076 That's the way they treated me... 1283 01:06:16,152 --> 01:06:18,450 and now look where we are. 1284 01:06:21,324 --> 01:06:22,882 Bert Thomas. 1285 01:06:22,959 --> 01:06:24,358 Audrey, this is Jerry Langford. 1286 01:06:24,427 --> 01:06:26,554 Get Bert Thomas on the phone quickly. 1287 01:06:26,629 --> 01:06:29,655 I'm too busy for fun and games today. Goodbye. 1288 01:06:29,732 --> 01:06:31,632 Did you hear what I said? 1289 01:06:31,701 --> 01:06:33,168 This is Jerry Langford. 1290 01:06:33,236 --> 01:06:35,966 Get Bert Thomas. This is serious. Now move it. 1291 01:06:38,841 --> 01:06:40,741 Why don't we have somebody else? 1292 01:06:40,810 --> 01:06:41,799 Like what? 1293 01:06:41,878 --> 01:06:44,244 It's Mr. Langford. He says it's urgent. 1294 01:06:44,314 --> 01:06:47,750 Tell him I'll call him back. I'm busy. 1295 01:06:47,817 --> 01:06:49,648 It's that Martino kid the impressionist. 1296 01:06:49,719 --> 01:06:50,845 O.K. 1297 01:06:50,920 --> 01:06:52,945 Will you do what I tell you? 1298 01:06:53,022 --> 01:06:54,148 Do it quick. 1299 01:06:54,223 --> 01:06:56,020 I'm sorry, Mr. Thomas. 1300 01:06:56,092 --> 01:06:58,560 He absolutely insists on talking to you. 1301 01:06:58,628 --> 01:07:00,061 O.K., I'll take it. 1302 01:07:03,232 --> 01:07:05,325 Martino, you know better than-- 1303 01:07:05,401 --> 01:07:07,266 Bert, I said this is Jerry. 1304 01:07:07,337 --> 01:07:10,363 Jerry Langford, and I'm in deep trouble. 1305 01:07:10,440 --> 01:07:12,465 Now, you'd best pay attention. 1306 01:07:12,542 --> 01:07:14,271 Yeah. I am listening. 1307 01:07:17,680 --> 01:07:20,148 Would you give me that again? 1308 01:07:23,219 --> 01:07:25,016 Now, wait a minute. 1309 01:07:25,088 --> 01:07:27,181 Um, I want to ask you something. 1310 01:07:27,256 --> 01:07:31,056 What do we call our second camera man? 1311 01:07:31,127 --> 01:07:34,858 We call our second camera man Helen Keller. 1312 01:07:37,133 --> 01:07:39,067 His favorite color is plaid. 1313 01:07:39,135 --> 01:07:41,968 Helen Keller, plaid? What is that? 1314 01:07:42,038 --> 01:07:44,438 When someone imitates me on the phone... 1315 01:07:44,507 --> 01:07:48,443 the only way they know it's me is by that clue. 1316 01:07:48,511 --> 01:07:52,072 And if I didn't know the name we call him-- 1317 01:07:52,148 --> 01:07:53,615 Say no more. I understand. 1318 01:07:53,683 --> 01:07:57,312 Now, listen, Bert. Listen carefully. 1319 01:07:59,122 --> 01:08:00,612 ""I have a gun...'' 1320 01:08:03,693 --> 01:08:04,751 ""at my head.'' 1321 01:08:07,463 --> 01:08:11,024 ""If a man who identifies himself as...'' 1322 01:08:15,505 --> 01:08:17,939 ""the king...'' 1323 01:08:22,111 --> 01:08:23,976 The card's upside down. 1324 01:08:25,982 --> 01:08:27,210 Sorry. 1325 01:08:28,785 --> 01:08:32,551 ""Is not allowed to be the first guest on...'' 1326 01:08:37,894 --> 01:08:40,328 You got a blank card there. 1327 01:08:40,396 --> 01:08:41,988 Hold on, Bert. 1328 01:08:42,064 --> 01:08:44,862 I'm reading from cue cards. 1329 01:08:49,539 --> 01:08:51,507 "Tonight's show... ' 1330 01:08:54,210 --> 01:08:57,577 "you'll never see me... ' 1331 01:09:00,082 --> 01:09:01,845 Go back. 1332 01:09:01,918 --> 01:09:05,046 "Alive again. ' 1333 01:09:06,989 --> 01:09:08,650 It--it's not grammatically correct... 1334 01:09:08,724 --> 01:09:11,693 but I think you have the idea. 1335 01:09:11,761 --> 01:09:14,730 It's clear, but let me break in for a minute. 1336 01:09:14,797 --> 01:09:16,264 Don't you do anything silly. 1337 01:09:16,332 --> 01:09:18,823 O.K., I'm O.K. 1338 01:09:18,901 --> 01:09:21,893 I'm O.K., Bert. Just get it done. 1339 01:09:24,340 --> 01:09:26,808 He wants you to call at 5:00. 1340 01:09:26,876 --> 01:09:28,844 I'll give you the private number... 1341 01:09:28,911 --> 01:09:30,811 and they'll do whatever you want. 1342 01:09:30,880 --> 01:09:32,848 O.K., that was very good, Jerry. 1343 01:09:32,915 --> 01:09:35,179 Turn around and see how it looks. 1344 01:09:35,251 --> 01:09:37,481 Oh, I love it. 1345 01:09:37,553 --> 01:09:39,885 I'm sorry. The sleeves aren't quite right. 1346 01:09:39,956 --> 01:09:41,890 Do you like it on him? 1347 01:09:41,958 --> 01:09:43,516 What do you think? 1348 01:09:43,593 --> 01:09:45,959 I think it looks pretty good. 1349 01:09:46,028 --> 01:09:48,519 To guess on it, have it turn out like this. 1350 01:09:48,598 --> 01:09:49,895 I'm very pleased with it. 1351 01:09:49,966 --> 01:09:51,194 The color's great. 1352 01:09:51,267 --> 01:09:55,101 I like to see him a little more casual for a change. 1353 01:09:55,171 --> 01:09:58,538 This is a look I like to see on him. 1354 01:09:58,608 --> 01:10:00,007 Not so uptight. Not so... 1355 01:10:00,076 --> 01:10:02,010 I got to get started here. 1356 01:10:02,078 --> 01:10:03,272 It's wonderful. It's very good. 1357 01:10:03,346 --> 01:10:05,837 - Be honest with me. - I'm being honest. 1358 01:10:05,915 --> 01:10:07,246 Would you wear it? 1359 01:10:07,316 --> 01:10:10,410 I like it. I'm so glad I went with red. 1360 01:10:10,486 --> 01:10:12,420 It looks so good on him. 1361 01:10:12,488 --> 01:10:14,388 It looks good, Jerry. 1362 01:10:14,457 --> 01:10:16,925 - Come on. - What? 1363 01:10:16,993 --> 01:10:18,722 Take it off and let's go. 1364 01:10:18,794 --> 01:10:19,726 Oh, O.K., fine. 1365 01:10:19,795 --> 01:10:22,127 You want me to take it off? 1366 01:10:22,198 --> 01:10:23,256 Yeah. 1367 01:10:23,332 --> 01:10:25,596 Can't he wear it for a little while? 1368 01:10:25,668 --> 01:10:27,602 Will you take it off, please? 1369 01:10:27,670 --> 01:10:29,467 I know he's in a meeting. 1370 01:10:29,539 --> 01:10:33,441 This is an emergency, and I've got to talk to him. 1371 01:10:33,509 --> 01:10:37,377 You'll interrupt him or I'll come busting into that meeting. 1372 01:10:37,446 --> 01:10:40,506 No. Forget calling me back. I'm on my way. 1373 01:10:40,583 --> 01:10:43,711 Why didn't you just listen to the tape? 1374 01:10:43,786 --> 01:10:45,219 It wasn't that hard... 1375 01:10:45,288 --> 01:10:48,280 a few minutes of your time to listen to something... 1376 01:10:48,357 --> 01:10:50,791 that I worked on my whole life. 1377 01:10:50,860 --> 01:10:52,293 Let's go to my office... 1378 01:10:52,361 --> 01:10:55,296 and we'll play the tape right now. 1379 01:10:55,364 --> 01:10:58,390 Do you know what would happen if I went there? 1380 01:10:58,467 --> 01:10:59,900 You know, I'm not stupid. 1381 01:10:59,969 --> 01:11:01,402 Nobody's calling you stupid. 1382 01:11:01,470 --> 01:11:03,802 You pulled this off. That makes you smart. 1383 01:11:03,873 --> 01:11:07,274 You know, Jerry, I'm going to tell you something. 1384 01:11:07,343 --> 01:11:09,277 Friendship is a two-way street. 1385 01:11:09,345 --> 01:11:12,610 Do you know that? 1386 01:11:12,682 --> 01:11:15,116 And you couldn't care less about me. 1387 01:11:15,184 --> 01:11:16,617 Am I holding this till next Shavuot? 1388 01:11:16,686 --> 01:11:18,620 You going to make some decisions? 1389 01:11:18,688 --> 01:11:21,953 You going to knock off the talking for two minutes? 1390 01:11:22,024 --> 01:11:23,958 You put the sweater on him. 1391 01:11:24,026 --> 01:11:25,584 Yeah. It took one minute. 1392 01:11:25,661 --> 01:11:28,095 - You have a long night ahead of you. - I have something to say. 1393 01:11:28,164 --> 01:11:29,597 You've got enough to say. 1394 01:11:29,665 --> 01:11:31,098 - You're driving me nuts. -Just a minute. 1395 01:11:31,167 --> 01:11:33,601 Can you be quiet for one goddamn minute... 1396 01:11:33,669 --> 01:11:36,729 and let me rest with this gun? 1397 01:11:36,806 --> 01:11:38,740 You're driving me crazy! 1398 01:11:38,808 --> 01:11:41,242 You haven't shut up since we've walked in. 1399 01:11:41,310 --> 01:11:44,108 This is my house. This is my domain. 1400 01:11:44,180 --> 01:11:46,671 Jerry is my guest, and you're my guest. 1401 01:11:46,749 --> 01:11:48,182 And you're lucky to be here. 1402 01:11:48,250 --> 01:11:49,683 You change in my house. 1403 01:11:49,752 --> 01:11:53,188 You get to get your head together for the show tonight. 1404 01:11:53,255 --> 01:11:54,654 Give me a little break. 1405 01:11:54,724 --> 01:11:57,158 -Shut up. - Why don't you shut up? 1406 01:11:57,226 --> 01:11:59,524 I listened to you talk about that sweater. 1407 01:11:59,595 --> 01:12:01,426 Worrying about the sleeves, the color. 1408 01:12:01,497 --> 01:12:02,930 Did I say anything? 1409 01:12:02,999 --> 01:12:04,432 I made it for Jerry... 1410 01:12:04,500 --> 01:12:06,661 and it looks fabulous on him. 1411 01:12:06,736 --> 01:12:08,169 Whose idea was this anyway? 1412 01:12:08,237 --> 01:12:11,673 If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even be here. 1413 01:12:11,741 --> 01:12:15,199 Why didn't you just listen to the tape when I asked? 1414 01:12:15,277 --> 01:12:17,074 I'm sure you can understand. 1415 01:12:17,146 --> 01:12:20,582 Doing the kind of show I'm doing, it's mind-boggling. 1416 01:12:20,650 --> 01:12:23,084 There's so much stuff that comes down... 1417 01:12:23,152 --> 01:12:25,848 you can't keep your head clear. 1418 01:12:25,921 --> 01:12:28,355 And if that's the case, I'm wrong. 1419 01:12:28,424 --> 01:12:29,789 You're right. I'm wrong. 1420 01:12:29,859 --> 01:12:31,292 If I'm wrong, I apologize. 1421 01:12:31,360 --> 01:12:33,294 I'm just a human being... 1422 01:12:33,362 --> 01:12:36,798 with all of the foibles and all of the traps... 1423 01:12:36,866 --> 01:12:38,299 the show, the pressure... 1424 01:12:38,367 --> 01:12:39,800 the groupies, the autograph hounds... 1425 01:12:39,869 --> 01:12:41,302 the crew, the incompetence... 1426 01:12:41,370 --> 01:12:44,305 those behind-the-scenes you think are your friends. 1427 01:12:44,373 --> 01:12:46,807 You're not sure if you'll be there tomorrow... 1428 01:12:46,876 --> 01:12:48,309 because of their incompetence. 1429 01:12:48,377 --> 01:12:50,311 There are wonderful pressures that make every day... 1430 01:12:50,379 --> 01:12:52,939 a glowing, radiant day in your life. 1431 01:12:53,015 --> 01:12:54,573 It's terrific. 1432 01:12:54,650 --> 01:12:57,517 O.K., if all of that means nothing... 1433 01:12:57,586 --> 01:13:00,020 if I'm wrong, in spite of all that... 1434 01:13:00,089 --> 01:13:01,488 then I apologize. 1435 01:13:01,557 --> 01:13:02,649 I'm sorry. 1436 01:13:02,725 --> 01:13:05,216 If you accept my apology... 1437 01:13:05,294 --> 01:13:07,159 I think we should shake hands. 1438 01:13:07,229 --> 01:13:08,662 We'll forget the whole thing. 1439 01:13:08,731 --> 01:13:10,164 I won't press charges. 1440 01:13:10,232 --> 01:13:12,166 You could be in deep trouble... 1441 01:13:12,234 --> 01:13:16,534 but I will not press charges. 1442 01:13:16,605 --> 01:13:18,732 That's easy for you to say. 1443 01:13:18,808 --> 01:13:20,241 But I mean it. 1444 01:13:20,309 --> 01:13:21,742 I'll go to the office... 1445 01:13:21,811 --> 01:13:24,245 and tell them all it's a gag. 1446 01:13:24,313 --> 01:13:25,746 They'll understand that. 1447 01:13:25,815 --> 01:13:27,510 If I tell them, they'll buy it. 1448 01:13:27,583 --> 01:13:29,448 Then we'll put the tape on. 1449 01:13:29,518 --> 01:13:32,214 Sit down. I said, ""sit down.'' 1450 01:13:32,288 --> 01:13:33,619 You heard what he said. 1451 01:13:33,689 --> 01:13:36,783 With a gun on him, he wants to be friends. 1452 01:13:36,859 --> 01:13:39,293 What happens when he walks out the door? 1453 01:13:39,361 --> 01:13:41,556 What happens then, Jerry? 1454 01:13:41,630 --> 01:13:43,860 You get to his office, and they jump you. 1455 01:13:43,933 --> 01:13:45,400 Is that what happens, Jerry? 1456 01:13:45,468 --> 01:13:47,902 Not if I tell them not to. 1457 01:13:47,970 --> 01:13:49,904 No one's going to jump you. 1458 01:13:49,972 --> 01:13:52,532 If I tell them to, they do it. 1459 01:13:52,608 --> 01:13:54,542 No one's going to jump you. 1460 01:13:54,610 --> 01:13:57,807 Now, that's the truth. Take my word for it. 1461 01:13:57,880 --> 01:14:00,815 If you think I'm not telling you the truth... 1462 01:14:00,883 --> 01:14:02,316 then don't respond. 1463 01:14:02,384 --> 01:14:05,615 If I'm telling the truth, let me out of here. 1464 01:14:05,688 --> 01:14:07,656 He gives me his word. 1465 01:14:07,723 --> 01:14:08,815 And what else? 1466 01:14:08,891 --> 01:14:10,552 And what else, Jerry? 1467 01:14:10,626 --> 01:14:16,394 There is nothing else, just my word. 1468 01:14:16,465 --> 01:14:18,831 Now, isn't my word good enough? 1469 01:14:22,104 --> 01:14:23,537 I'm sorry, Jerry. 1470 01:14:37,219 --> 01:14:42,555 Suppose we tape him, he doesn't talk... 1471 01:14:42,625 --> 01:14:44,490 it gets to be 11:30... 1472 01:14:44,560 --> 01:14:46,994 do we put him on no matter what? 1473 01:14:47,062 --> 01:14:48,495 Go ahead and tape him. 1474 01:14:48,564 --> 01:14:49,997 It won't hurt anything. 1475 01:14:50,065 --> 01:14:51,293 You can always erase it. 1476 01:14:51,367 --> 01:14:53,301 We may learn something from it... 1477 01:14:53,369 --> 01:14:55,098 and it'll also buy us time. 1478 01:14:55,171 --> 01:14:56,604 But under no circumstances... 1479 01:14:56,672 --> 01:14:58,970 will we put this man on the air. 1480 01:14:59,041 --> 01:15:00,508 This lunatic is threatening Jerry. 1481 01:15:00,576 --> 01:15:02,669 You're not putting him on the air? 1482 01:15:02,745 --> 01:15:04,474 Gentlemen, let's not get excited. 1483 01:15:04,547 --> 01:15:05,912 I don't think you understand. 1484 01:15:05,981 --> 01:15:07,414 We'll tape at 7:00. 1485 01:15:07,483 --> 01:15:09,417 We won't have to make a decision... 1486 01:15:09,485 --> 01:15:11,783 about putting him on the air till 11:30. 1487 01:15:11,854 --> 01:15:14,288 This gives us four hours to move in. 1488 01:15:14,356 --> 01:15:15,789 Hopefully, by that time... 1489 01:15:15,858 --> 01:15:18,326 we'll have your Mr. Langford back safely. 1490 01:15:18,394 --> 01:15:19,884 Harry, that's it. We're suing. 1491 01:15:19,962 --> 01:15:21,862 We're going to sue everybody. 1492 01:15:21,931 --> 01:15:23,489 Who is this man? 1493 01:15:23,566 --> 01:15:25,056 Jerry's lawyer. That's who he is. 1494 01:15:25,134 --> 01:15:26,601 Who am I? 1495 01:15:26,669 --> 01:15:28,864 I'm the one who's suing. I'm the lawyer. 1496 01:15:28,938 --> 01:15:29,870 Jay. 1497 01:15:29,939 --> 01:15:31,406 Don't Jay me, please. 1498 01:15:31,473 --> 01:15:33,907 Jay, who are you going to sue? 1499 01:15:33,976 --> 01:15:35,409 We're suing you personally. 1500 01:15:35,477 --> 01:15:36,910 Who else are you're suing? 1501 01:15:36,979 --> 01:15:38,139 The FBI. 1502 01:15:38,214 --> 01:15:39,647 We have a serious situation. 1503 01:15:39,715 --> 01:15:41,615 I want it dealt with rationally. 1504 01:15:41,684 --> 01:15:43,117 Unless we start talking politely... 1505 01:15:43,185 --> 01:15:45,278 there's going to be serious consequences. 1506 01:15:45,354 --> 01:15:47,652 There's nothing polite about kidnapping. 1507 01:15:47,723 --> 01:15:50,658 It's one of the most stupid offenses ever created. 1508 01:15:50,726 --> 01:15:52,159 Where's the defense of kidnapping? 1509 01:15:52,228 --> 01:15:54,696 How can you say, ""I was crazy,'' 1510 01:15:54,763 --> 01:15:57,197 ""I didn't know what I was doing,'' 1511 01:15:57,266 --> 01:15:59,734 - "I did on the spur of the moment'? - Who cares? Who cares? 1512 01:15:59,802 --> 01:16:01,667 Only an idiot kidnaps... 1513 01:16:01,737 --> 01:16:03,967 and decides to do what you're doing. 1514 01:16:13,616 --> 01:16:15,880 Jerry, I'm going to go now. 1515 01:16:15,951 --> 01:16:18,385 Pretty soon, you'll be able to go... 1516 01:16:18,454 --> 01:16:19,887 about 1 2:00 as I said. 1517 01:16:19,955 --> 01:16:22,150 Have a good time. 1518 01:16:22,224 --> 01:16:24,556 I know you will. 1519 01:16:24,627 --> 01:16:25,855 Bye. 1520 01:16:30,232 --> 01:16:32,200 First of all, we don't know... 1521 01:16:32,268 --> 01:16:34,236 whether we're dealing with kidnappers or terrorists. 1522 01:16:34,303 --> 01:16:35,463 Terrorists? Terrorists? 1523 01:16:35,537 --> 01:16:38,005 You might have this man go on the air... 1524 01:16:38,073 --> 01:16:39,472 deliver a coded message... 1525 01:16:39,541 --> 01:16:41,475 and very possibly 50 people... 1526 01:16:41,543 --> 01:16:43,875 around the country would lose their lives. 1527 01:16:43,946 --> 01:16:45,914 You're out of your mind. 1528 01:16:45,981 --> 01:16:47,414 I'm not out of my mind. 1529 01:16:47,483 --> 01:16:48,916 That guy will be taped. 1530 01:16:48,984 --> 01:16:50,918 We'll listen to what he says. 1531 01:16:50,986 --> 01:16:53,420 And unless something horrendous is on that tape... 1532 01:16:53,489 --> 01:16:55,719 we'll put that tape on the air. 1533 01:16:55,791 --> 01:16:58,225 Because all we're dealing with is 1 0 minutes... 1534 01:16:58,294 --> 01:17:00,728 of talk show time against a man's life. 1535 01:17:00,796 --> 01:17:03,230 And I don't see that as any argument. 1536 01:17:03,299 --> 01:17:06,291 Hello. How are you today? 1537 01:17:06,368 --> 01:17:07,630 Well, I'm calling-- 1538 01:17:07,703 --> 01:17:11,298 Mr. King calling collect long-distance for Mr. Thomas. 1539 01:17:11,373 --> 01:17:14,570 Mr. Thomas, there's a long-distance call. 1540 01:17:14,643 --> 01:17:17,111 Let's go. This is it. 1541 01:17:17,179 --> 01:17:19,272 Remember. Keep him talking. 1542 01:17:19,348 --> 01:17:21,873 Uh, hi there. Who is this? 1543 01:17:21,951 --> 01:17:23,316 This is Mr. King. 1544 01:17:23,385 --> 01:17:24,818 I'm calling for Mr. King. 1545 01:17:24,887 --> 01:17:26,821 Well, you're right on time. 1546 01:17:26,889 --> 01:17:28,322 Yes. Of course. 1547 01:17:28,390 --> 01:17:29,823 We're always punctual. 1548 01:17:29,892 --> 01:17:31,189 We're fine. Thank you. 1549 01:17:31,260 --> 01:17:33,194 I want to make it brief-- 1550 01:17:33,262 --> 01:17:35,287 Could I break in and ask... 1551 01:17:35,364 --> 01:17:37,127 could I speak to Jerry? 1552 01:17:37,199 --> 01:17:38,632 Jerry's not with us now. 1553 01:17:38,701 --> 01:17:40,134 We're at a pay phone. 1554 01:17:40,202 --> 01:17:42,534 So, don't try and have the call traced... 1555 01:17:42,604 --> 01:17:44,037 which I noticed you did. 1556 01:17:44,106 --> 01:17:46,540 It's kind of important, you know... 1557 01:17:46,608 --> 01:17:49,668 so that we know that he's in your care. 1558 01:17:49,745 --> 01:17:52,179 We're bringing along an article of clothing... 1559 01:17:52,247 --> 01:17:53,544 that I know you'll recognize. 1560 01:17:53,615 --> 01:17:55,549 It will be satisfactory to everyone. 1561 01:17:55,617 --> 01:17:58,051 It's not as easy as you think... 1562 01:17:58,120 --> 01:18:00,145 just to walk in the studio-- 1563 01:18:00,222 --> 01:18:02,656 No, Bert, if I could call you-- 1564 01:18:02,725 --> 01:18:06,092 Well, if I could just say, there is no problem. 1565 01:18:06,161 --> 01:18:07,651 The material is clean material. 1566 01:18:07,730 --> 01:18:09,664 Do you know standards and practices? 1567 01:18:09,732 --> 01:18:11,791 No. But that can be discussed. 1568 01:18:11,867 --> 01:18:14,301 Now, all I can say is... 1569 01:18:14,370 --> 01:18:15,803 don't have any press leaks. 1570 01:18:15,871 --> 01:18:19,739 You must keep the audience there until 11:45 or 12:00... 1571 01:18:19,808 --> 01:18:21,639 after it has been aired nationally. 1572 01:18:21,710 --> 01:18:24,736 Thank you. We'll discuss the other things. 1573 01:18:24,813 --> 01:18:26,246 Nice talking to you. 1574 01:18:26,315 --> 01:18:27,407 One-- 1575 01:18:30,219 --> 01:18:31,652 Boy, he's shrewd. 1576 01:18:31,720 --> 01:18:34,211 He just, uh, wouldn't buy anything. 1577 01:19:30,879 --> 01:19:34,440 I feel completely impulsive tonight. 1578 01:19:34,516 --> 01:19:36,643 Anything could happen. 1579 01:19:36,718 --> 01:19:39,152 I have so much to tell you. 1580 01:19:39,221 --> 01:19:41,155 I don't know where to start. 1581 01:19:41,223 --> 01:19:43,657 I want to tell you everything about myself... 1582 01:19:43,725 --> 01:19:46,956 everything you don't know. 1583 01:19:47,029 --> 01:19:49,725 Do you like these glasses? 1584 01:19:49,798 --> 01:19:50,992 Crystal. Beautiful. 1585 01:19:51,066 --> 01:19:53,000 I bought them just for you. 1586 01:19:53,068 --> 01:19:54,501 There's something about them... 1587 01:19:54,570 --> 01:19:56,003 the simplicity of them. 1588 01:19:56,071 --> 01:19:57,504 If you don't like them... 1589 01:19:57,573 --> 01:20:00,542 if there's a doubt in your mind... 1590 01:20:06,448 --> 01:20:08,382 You know, sometimes during the day... 1591 01:20:08,450 --> 01:20:09,883 I'll do the simplest things. 1592 01:20:09,952 --> 01:20:13,388 I'll be taking a bath and I say to myself... 1593 01:20:13,455 --> 01:20:16,390 ""I wonder if Jerry�s taking a bath right now?'' 1594 01:20:16,458 --> 01:20:17,891 And I just hope... 1595 01:20:17,960 --> 01:20:19,894 that you're not drowning or something. 1596 01:20:19,962 --> 01:20:21,896 I get really worried about you... 1597 01:20:21,964 --> 01:20:24,524 like something terrible is going to happen. 1598 01:20:24,600 --> 01:20:26,033 I have these daydreams... 1599 01:20:26,101 --> 01:20:28,194 like I'm with you at the golf course... 1600 01:20:28,270 --> 01:20:29,703 driving your cart... 1601 01:20:29,771 --> 01:20:32,968 just driving around. 1602 01:20:33,041 --> 01:20:35,805 Need a putter, Jer, you know? 1603 01:20:35,878 --> 01:20:37,311 Need an iron? 1604 01:20:37,379 --> 01:20:39,847 I don't even know how to play golf. 1605 01:20:39,915 --> 01:20:41,849 I played with my parents once... 1606 01:20:41,917 --> 01:20:45,614 but, uh, but I love you. 1607 01:20:50,325 --> 01:20:53,260 I never told my parents that I love them. 1608 01:20:53,328 --> 01:20:56,263 They never told me that they loved me either... 1609 01:20:56,331 --> 01:20:57,764 which was fine with me. 1610 01:20:57,833 --> 01:21:00,358 But I love you. 1611 01:21:00,435 --> 01:21:04,166 You want some wine? No, O.K. 1612 01:21:04,239 --> 01:21:07,106 I'm not in the mood to drink either, though. 1613 01:21:07,176 --> 01:21:10,111 I'm in the mood to be alone with you. 1614 01:21:11,580 --> 01:21:16,415 Why don't we just clear off the table? 1615 01:21:16,485 --> 01:21:18,043 I was thinking... 1616 01:21:18,120 --> 01:21:19,553 why don't we go upstairs? 1617 01:21:19,621 --> 01:21:21,555 But that's so predictable. 1618 01:21:21,623 --> 01:21:24,057 Let's just take everything off the table... 1619 01:21:24,126 --> 01:21:25,684 and do it right here. 1620 01:21:25,761 --> 01:21:27,194 That would blow your mind. 1621 01:21:27,262 --> 01:21:28,695 It would blow my mind. 1622 01:21:28,764 --> 01:21:30,698 I've never done anything like that. 1623 01:21:30,766 --> 01:21:33,200 I never even had anybody over for dinner. 1624 01:21:33,268 --> 01:21:35,463 Let alone, made love on the table. 1625 01:21:35,537 --> 01:21:36,970 I want to do that. 1626 01:21:37,039 --> 01:21:38,472 I just want to dance. 1627 01:21:38,540 --> 01:21:41,008 I want to, like, put on some Shirelles. 1628 01:21:41,076 --> 01:21:44,011 I want to be black. 1629 01:21:44,079 --> 01:21:47,242 Wouldn't that be insane? 1630 01:21:47,316 --> 01:21:49,944 God, you know who I wish was tonight? 1631 01:21:50,018 --> 01:21:51,679 I wish I was Tina Turner... 1632 01:21:51,753 --> 01:21:54,017 just dancing through the room. 1633 01:21:54,089 --> 01:21:55,920 Ooh ooh 1634 01:21:59,928 --> 01:22:01,361 Thank you. Thank you. 1635 01:22:01,430 --> 01:22:03,830 Please have your tickets ready. 1636 01:22:08,103 --> 01:22:09,536 Good evening, Officer. 1637 01:22:09,605 --> 01:22:11,038 My name is Clarence McCabe. 1638 01:22:11,106 --> 01:22:12,539 Are these people with you? 1639 01:22:12,608 --> 01:22:14,041 Yes. This is my wife. 1640 01:22:14,109 --> 01:22:16,043 And these are her parents... 1641 01:22:16,111 --> 01:22:18,136 the Saunders from Cleveland, Ohio. 1642 01:22:18,213 --> 01:22:19,976 I'll check your name, sir. 1643 01:22:20,048 --> 01:22:22,107 I'm going to be on third. 1644 01:22:22,184 --> 01:22:24,812 I'll check your name, sir. 1645 01:22:24,886 --> 01:22:26,319 I'm sorry, sir. 1646 01:22:26,388 --> 01:22:28,117 I don't see your name, sir. 1647 01:22:28,190 --> 01:22:30,158 You just went pass the N's. 1648 01:22:30,225 --> 01:22:31,783 I'll go back again, sir. 1649 01:22:31,860 --> 01:22:33,623 Here it is again, sir. 1650 01:22:33,695 --> 01:22:35,128 Let me just check. 1651 01:22:35,197 --> 01:22:37,495 No. This is impossible. 1652 01:22:37,566 --> 01:22:39,966 Did Miss Long call you at all? 1653 01:22:40,035 --> 01:22:41,525 No, sir, she didn't. 1654 01:22:41,603 --> 01:22:44,265 She didn't tell you about my book? 1655 01:22:44,339 --> 01:22:45,829 Listen, I follow this list. 1656 01:22:45,907 --> 01:22:48,398 She told me to present myself at 5:45. 1657 01:22:48,477 --> 01:22:49,944 It's now 5:50. 1658 01:22:50,012 --> 01:22:51,707 I've only got 1 0 minutes. 1659 01:22:51,780 --> 01:22:53,714 Only authorized personnel allowed in here. 1660 01:22:53,782 --> 01:22:55,215 That's the rules and regulations. 1661 01:22:55,284 --> 01:22:57,411 You never heard of the book? 1662 01:22:57,486 --> 01:23:00,922 The Vanishing Siberian Tiger. 1663 01:23:00,989 --> 01:23:01,978 Well, can I call Miss Long? 1664 01:23:02,057 --> 01:23:03,991 You cannot call Miss Long at all, sir. 1665 01:23:04,059 --> 01:23:05,492 Can you call Miss Long? 1666 01:23:05,560 --> 01:23:07,425 Your name isn't on the list. 1667 01:23:07,496 --> 01:23:08,929 I cannot let you in. 1668 01:23:08,997 --> 01:23:11,090 That's the rules of the place. 1669 01:23:11,166 --> 01:23:12,758 I'm going to try to get her. 1670 01:23:12,834 --> 01:23:14,028 Stop him. 1671 01:23:14,102 --> 01:23:15,831 Miss Long. 1672 01:23:15,904 --> 01:23:17,030 Hold on. 1673 01:23:17,105 --> 01:23:18,538 Let go of me. 1674 01:23:18,607 --> 01:23:21,303 Let go of me. 1675 01:23:42,631 --> 01:23:43,996 What is this Clarence McCabe? 1676 01:23:44,066 --> 01:23:45,499 That's who I am. 1677 01:23:45,567 --> 01:23:47,000 Is that your real name? 1678 01:23:47,069 --> 01:23:49,833 Well, technically, it's my real name. 1679 01:23:49,905 --> 01:23:52,135 No, it's a pseudonym, an alias. 1680 01:23:52,207 --> 01:23:54,141 Why did you use the pseudonym? 1681 01:23:54,209 --> 01:23:55,801 I'm an author. That's my business. 1682 01:23:55,877 --> 01:23:57,310 Author of what? 1683 01:23:57,379 --> 01:24:00,507 I wrote a book called The Vanishing Siberian Tiger. 1684 01:24:00,582 --> 01:24:02,516 I spent two years in Russia... 1685 01:24:02,584 --> 01:24:05,018 two years in China researching that thing. 1686 01:24:05,087 --> 01:24:06,054 Russia? China? 1687 01:24:06,121 --> 01:24:07,782 Does that make me a Communist? 1688 01:24:15,564 --> 01:24:19,193 Up in control, we have one more light to pre-set. 1689 01:24:19,267 --> 01:24:21,497 Hello. I'm the king. 1690 01:24:21,570 --> 01:24:22,764 What? 1691 01:24:22,838 --> 01:24:24,305 The king. 1692 01:24:24,373 --> 01:24:26,807 What can I do for Your Highness? 1693 01:24:26,875 --> 01:24:28,672 Really. I'm the king. 1694 01:24:28,744 --> 01:24:31,235 Oh, yes, sir. You're dressing room is backstage. 1695 01:24:31,313 --> 01:24:33,781 Your throne is in there also. 1696 01:24:33,849 --> 01:24:34,838 Very funny. 1697 01:24:34,916 --> 01:24:37,680 Is there someone in charge? 1698 01:24:37,753 --> 01:24:38,811 Mr. Ding. 1699 01:24:38,887 --> 01:24:42,448 He's a little fellow with an ice cream cone. 1700 01:24:42,524 --> 01:24:44,458 - Miss Long. - Mr. Pipkin? 1701 01:24:44,526 --> 01:24:46,517 No, it's Mr. Pupkin. 1702 01:24:46,595 --> 01:24:49,063 How are you? 1703 01:24:49,131 --> 01:24:52,157 What are you doing here, Mr. Pupkin? 1704 01:24:52,234 --> 01:24:54,759 I'm the king. 1705 01:24:54,836 --> 01:24:56,929 I think you're expecting me. 1706 01:24:57,005 --> 01:24:58,939 - Yeah. - Yes. 1707 01:24:59,007 --> 01:25:00,372 Mr. Thomas around? 1708 01:25:16,992 --> 01:25:21,326 You're going to love me 1709 01:25:21,396 --> 01:25:25,662 Like nobody's loved me 1710 01:25:25,734 --> 01:25:31,502 Come rain or come shine 1711 01:25:31,573 --> 01:25:35,771 Happy together 1712 01:25:35,844 --> 01:25:39,678 Unhappy together 1713 01:25:39,748 --> 01:25:47,382 And won't it be fine? 1714 01:25:47,456 --> 01:25:56,763 Days may be cloudy or sunny 1715 01:25:56,832 --> 01:26:05,297 We're in and we're out of the money 1716 01:26:05,373 --> 01:26:12,541 I'm with you always 1717 01:26:12,614 --> 01:26:16,311 I'm with you 1718 01:26:16,384 --> 01:26:19,751 Rain 1719 01:26:19,821 --> 01:26:28,456 Or shine 1720 01:26:31,533 --> 01:26:33,160 Mr. King. 1721 01:26:33,235 --> 01:26:35,169 I'm Inspector Gerrity from the FBI. 1722 01:26:35,237 --> 01:26:37,831 Do you understand? What is your name? 1723 01:26:37,906 --> 01:26:39,168 Rupert Pupkin. 1724 01:26:39,241 --> 01:26:40,674 What is your real name? 1725 01:26:40,742 --> 01:26:42,767 That's my real name. Rupert Pupkin. 1726 01:26:42,844 --> 01:26:45,779 Well, Mr. Pumpkin, are you going to tell us... 1727 01:26:45,847 --> 01:26:47,781 where Jerry Langford is or not? 1728 01:26:47,849 --> 01:26:49,180 Are you from the show? 1729 01:26:49,251 --> 01:26:50,718 I'm not from the show. 1730 01:26:50,785 --> 01:26:52,719 This is my assistant Agent Giardello. 1731 01:26:52,787 --> 01:26:55,255 This is Captain Burke of the police. 1732 01:26:55,323 --> 01:26:57,484 I'd like to meet someone from the show. 1733 01:26:57,559 --> 01:26:58,992 You don't see anyone... 1734 01:26:59,060 --> 01:27:01,051 until I get to see Langford. 1735 01:27:01,129 --> 01:27:03,563 I'd like to see someone from the show. 1736 01:27:03,632 --> 01:27:06,567 You won't see someone unless you tell us where Langford is. 1737 01:27:06,635 --> 01:27:09,934 Well, then Jerry Langford is dead. 1738 01:27:10,005 --> 01:27:11,404 Get Thomas. 1739 01:27:14,109 --> 01:27:16,771 I'm Bert Thomas. Are you Mr. King? 1740 01:27:16,845 --> 01:27:18,278 Yes. How do you do? 1741 01:27:18,346 --> 01:27:20,280 Did we talk on the phone today? 1742 01:27:20,348 --> 01:27:22,282 We spoke a few moments ago. 1743 01:27:22,350 --> 01:27:24,375 Then Jerry spoke to you earlier. 1744 01:27:24,452 --> 01:27:27,387 Where did you get this? 1745 01:27:27,455 --> 01:27:30,618 That's Jerry's as you can see. 1746 01:27:30,692 --> 01:27:33,752 - What's that? - That's my blood, not Jerry�s. 1747 01:27:33,828 --> 01:27:35,159 I'll buy this. 1748 01:27:35,230 --> 01:27:36,959 What do we have here? 1749 01:27:37,032 --> 01:27:38,465 Now, this is my introduction... 1750 01:27:38,533 --> 01:27:41,764 I'd like Mr. Randall to speak it word for word. 1751 01:27:41,836 --> 01:27:44,270 This is Randall's introduction to your monologue? 1752 01:27:44,339 --> 01:27:46,432 Could I have a copy of your monologue? 1753 01:27:46,508 --> 01:27:48,669 Well, actually, I have it memorized. 1754 01:27:48,743 --> 01:27:50,074 So, I don't have-- 1755 01:27:50,145 --> 01:27:52,807 There are reasons that I need a copy. 1756 01:27:52,881 --> 01:27:57,250 We have to make sure we don't say anything obscene. 1757 01:27:57,319 --> 01:27:58,752 No. It's all right. Really. 1758 01:27:58,820 --> 01:28:00,583 Yeah. It's a wholesome monologue. 1759 01:28:00,655 --> 01:28:03,715 - You guarantee that? - I guarantee it. 1760 01:28:03,792 --> 01:28:06,488 Make sure that audience lasts till 11:30. 1761 01:28:06,561 --> 01:28:09,052 Everything he needs, anything he asks for. 1762 01:28:09,130 --> 01:28:10,597 Nice meeting you. 1763 01:28:10,665 --> 01:28:12,997 Sit down, Pupkin. 1764 01:28:13,068 --> 01:28:15,502 Mr. Pupkin, I got to tell you this. 1765 01:28:15,570 --> 01:28:16,901 From this point on... 1766 01:28:16,972 --> 01:28:19,031 you have the right to remain silent... 1767 01:28:19,107 --> 01:28:23,134 'cause anything you say from here on out might be used... 1768 01:28:23,211 --> 01:28:25,736 - against you later on in a court of law. - I'm aware of that. 1769 01:28:25,814 --> 01:28:27,247 Say you understand. 1770 01:28:27,315 --> 01:28:28,748 I understand that. 1771 01:28:28,817 --> 01:28:32,548 Did you participate in the abduction of Jerry Langford? 1772 01:28:32,621 --> 01:28:34,521 Yes, I did. I abducted him. 1773 01:28:34,589 --> 01:28:36,022 You abducted him? 1774 01:28:36,091 --> 01:28:37,183 Yes. 1775 01:28:37,258 --> 01:28:40,022 Do you know where Mr. Langford is right now? 1776 01:28:40,095 --> 01:28:42,029 Will you lead us to Mr. Langford? 1777 01:28:42,097 --> 01:28:43,564 No, I won't. 1778 01:28:43,632 --> 01:28:45,566 Well, at this time, Mr. Pupkin... 1779 01:28:45,634 --> 01:28:47,067 I want to advise you... 1780 01:28:47,135 --> 01:28:49,103 to consider yourself under arrest. 1781 01:28:49,170 --> 01:28:51,798 Fine. I think I should get made up. 1782 01:28:51,873 --> 01:28:53,773 You need some makeup. 1783 01:28:53,842 --> 01:28:55,776 Put some color in his face. 1784 01:28:55,844 --> 01:28:59,280 I'd like to put some color in your face. 1785 01:28:59,347 --> 01:29:01,281 Really. I should get made up. 1786 01:29:04,019 --> 01:29:06,385 Tony, did you want to see me? 1787 01:29:06,454 --> 01:29:07,887 Have you seen this stuff? 1788 01:29:07,956 --> 01:29:09,389 I think it's fine. 1789 01:29:09,457 --> 01:29:11,015 You think this is fine? 1790 01:29:11,092 --> 01:29:13,720 My writing staff was executed in Central Park by the network firing squad? 1791 01:29:13,795 --> 01:29:15,228 You're laughing at that? 1792 01:29:15,296 --> 01:29:16,729 It's very good. 1793 01:29:16,798 --> 01:29:18,231 Do it, please. 1794 01:29:18,299 --> 01:29:19,732 Why do I? 1795 01:29:19,801 --> 01:29:21,268 Exactly as it's written. 1796 01:29:21,336 --> 01:29:23,770 It'll be good for you. Trust me. 1797 01:29:23,838 --> 01:29:26,636 You're the director. Can you help me? 1798 01:29:26,708 --> 01:29:30,075 Take the tissues out of your collar and let's go. 1799 01:29:30,145 --> 01:29:31,578 Turn the cards fast. 1800 01:29:31,646 --> 01:29:34,206 Are you listening to me? Turn the cards fast. 1801 01:29:34,282 --> 01:29:35,715 Let's do something crazy tonight. 1802 01:29:35,784 --> 01:29:37,217 Just get insane. 1803 01:29:37,285 --> 01:29:40,220 I want to be crazy. I want be nuts. 1804 01:29:40,288 --> 01:29:41,721 I want some fun. 1805 01:29:41,790 --> 01:29:44,224 My doctor says don't have any fun. 1806 01:29:44,292 --> 01:29:46,726 You're not allowed to have a good time. 1807 01:29:46,795 --> 01:29:48,729 I have to be in control. 1808 01:29:48,797 --> 01:29:51,732 I'd like to see myself out of my head. 1809 01:29:51,800 --> 01:29:54,030 Wouldn't you like to see that? 1810 01:29:54,102 --> 01:29:57,037 Wouldn't that be great? Wouldn't that be fabulous? 1811 01:29:57,105 --> 01:30:00,097 I'm having a good time. 1812 01:30:04,946 --> 01:30:07,642 I'm having fun. 1813 01:30:07,716 --> 01:30:11,652 Fun is my middle name. 1814 01:30:11,720 --> 01:30:14,086 That's right. Having some fun. 1815 01:30:14,155 --> 01:30:16,589 I never had this much fun before. 1816 01:30:16,658 --> 01:30:18,558 That's right. 1817 01:30:18,626 --> 01:30:24,223 Good old-fashioned, All-American fun. 1818 01:30:24,299 --> 01:30:26,733 And now, direct from New York... 1819 01:30:26,801 --> 01:30:27,893 it's... 1820 01:30:29,604 --> 01:30:31,538 with guest host Tony Randall... 1821 01:30:31,606 --> 01:30:33,039 and his special guests... 1822 01:30:33,108 --> 01:30:36,305 Shelley Winters, Gore Vidal... 1823 01:30:36,377 --> 01:30:37,537 Tony Bennett... 1824 01:30:37,612 --> 01:30:40,740 as always, Lou Brown and the orchestra... 1825 01:30:40,815 --> 01:30:43,249 and little old me-- Ed Herlihy. 1826 01:30:43,318 --> 01:30:47,550 And now, say hello to Tony! 1827 01:31:02,637 --> 01:31:04,070 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 1828 01:31:04,139 --> 01:31:05,504 Thank you very much. 1829 01:31:05,573 --> 01:31:08,667 I have some sad news for you. 1830 01:31:08,743 --> 01:31:11,177 Earlier today, my writing staff... 1831 01:31:11,246 --> 01:31:14,682 was executed in Central Park by the network firing squad... 1832 01:31:14,749 --> 01:31:16,683 so there will be no sensational... 1833 01:31:16,751 --> 01:31:18,548 Randall monologue this evening. 1834 01:31:26,094 --> 01:31:28,028 No embarrassing display of emotion, please. 1835 01:31:28,096 --> 01:31:30,030 Instead we're going to do something... 1836 01:31:30,098 --> 01:31:32,032 a little bit different this evening. 1837 01:31:32,100 --> 01:31:34,534 A lot different, if you ask me. 1838 01:31:34,602 --> 01:31:36,695 We're going to give you a glimpse-- 1839 01:31:36,771 --> 01:31:39,535 turn it over, please-- into the future. 1840 01:31:39,607 --> 01:31:42,371 It isn't often you can call someone a sure thing... 1841 01:31:42,443 --> 01:31:44,377 in the entertainment business. 1842 01:31:44,445 --> 01:31:47,380 After all, the verdict is always in your hands. 1843 01:31:47,448 --> 01:31:51,043 I think tonight, after you've met... 1844 01:31:52,620 --> 01:31:54,053 my first guest... 1845 01:31:54,122 --> 01:31:57,558 you'll agree with me that he's destined for greatness! 1846 01:31:57,625 --> 01:31:59,559 In one way or another. 1847 01:31:59,627 --> 01:32:02,562 So will you please give your warmest greetings... 1848 01:32:02,630 --> 01:32:05,064 to the newest king of comedy-- 1849 01:32:05,133 --> 01:32:06,964 Rupert Pupkin! 1850 01:32:20,081 --> 01:32:22,015 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 1851 01:32:22,083 --> 01:32:23,516 Let me introduce myself. 1852 01:32:23,585 --> 01:32:25,519 My name is Rupert Pupkin. 1853 01:32:29,591 --> 01:32:32,526 I can't believe I'm going to kiss you. 1854 01:32:33,795 --> 01:32:38,164 Masha, take the tape off. 1855 01:32:38,233 --> 01:32:39,530 Really? 1856 01:32:39,601 --> 01:32:42,866 Go on. Take it off. 1857 01:32:50,612 --> 01:32:51,704 Ready now. 1858 01:32:51,779 --> 01:32:53,872 Take him back down. 1859 01:32:53,948 --> 01:32:55,381 Why did you do this? 1860 01:32:55,450 --> 01:32:59,386 Tell me and maybe I'll be able to believe in you. 1861 01:32:59,454 --> 01:33:01,388 You know what time it is? 1862 01:33:01,456 --> 01:33:03,390 Yes, it's 5 minutes to 11:00. 1863 01:33:03,458 --> 01:33:04,891 I think we'd better go. 1864 01:33:04,959 --> 01:33:07,325 I don't like to say it like this... 1865 01:33:07,395 --> 01:33:09,158 but Jerry�s going to be unavailable. 1866 01:33:09,230 --> 01:33:10,663 You'll understand when we go. 1867 01:33:10,732 --> 01:33:12,165 I'll understand? Why will I understand? 1868 01:33:12,233 --> 01:33:13,723 Where are we going? 1869 01:33:14,969 --> 01:33:16,402 That's part of the bargain. 1870 01:33:16,471 --> 01:33:18,405 I want to see it somewhere else-- 1871 01:33:18,473 --> 01:33:19,906 Part of what bargain? 1872 01:33:19,974 --> 01:33:21,407 Well, that's my understanding. 1873 01:33:21,476 --> 01:33:24,411 I just want to see it in this other place. 1874 01:33:24,479 --> 01:33:27,414 Once I see it, I'll give you Langford. 1875 01:33:27,482 --> 01:33:28,915 You don't understand my position. 1876 01:33:28,983 --> 01:33:30,416 I have you right now. 1877 01:33:30,485 --> 01:33:33,420 Having you, I have a shot at Langford. 1878 01:33:33,488 --> 01:33:34,921 But you don't have Jerry. 1879 01:33:34,989 --> 01:33:36,479 I understand that. 1880 01:33:36,557 --> 01:33:39,526 I'm doing this as fast as I can. 1881 01:33:39,594 --> 01:33:40,686 Good, Masha. 1882 01:33:40,762 --> 01:33:41,854 Yeah? 1883 01:33:41,930 --> 01:33:43,022 Good. 1884 01:33:43,097 --> 01:33:44,530 You all right? 1885 01:33:44,599 --> 01:33:45,691 I'm fine. 1886 01:33:45,767 --> 01:33:48,668 I know you are. 1887 01:33:48,736 --> 01:33:50,169 All right. Come on. 1888 01:33:55,877 --> 01:33:56,969 Let's go. 1889 01:33:57,045 --> 01:33:58,478 Oh, one more thing. 1890 01:33:58,546 --> 01:34:00,980 I can't walk in here with you. 1891 01:34:01,049 --> 01:34:02,482 If you just wait here... 1892 01:34:02,550 --> 01:34:04,984 and let me walk in by myself. 1893 01:34:05,053 --> 01:34:08,420 I'll break your ankles if you make a wrong move. 1894 01:34:08,489 --> 01:34:09,922 O.K., I promise, O.K.? 1895 01:34:09,991 --> 01:34:12,425 Make believe you don't know me, too. 1896 01:34:12,493 --> 01:34:13,892 Go ahead. 1897 01:34:18,833 --> 01:34:20,323 O.K. Here you go. 1898 01:34:40,021 --> 01:34:43,422 Jerry, you seem a little bit-- 1899 01:34:54,602 --> 01:34:58,038 Jerry! Jerry, wait! 1900 01:34:58,106 --> 01:35:00,700 Jerry! Jerry! 1901 01:35:01,943 --> 01:35:03,774 Jerry, come back here! 1902 01:35:05,113 --> 01:35:06,603 Jerry! 1903 01:35:12,253 --> 01:35:14,619 Oh, God. 1904 01:35:14,689 --> 01:35:16,623 What do you want now? 1905 01:35:20,395 --> 01:35:21,828 What are you doing? 1906 01:35:21,896 --> 01:35:23,830 I'm watching that. It's almost over. 1907 01:35:23,898 --> 01:35:26,332 Just a minute. Just a minute. 1908 01:35:26,401 --> 01:35:28,335 It's the Jerry Langford Show.! 1909 01:35:28,403 --> 01:35:30,337 With guest host Tony Randall... 1910 01:35:30,405 --> 01:35:33,431 and his special guests Shelley Winters... 1911 01:35:33,508 --> 01:35:36,068 What's going on here? 1912 01:35:36,144 --> 01:35:37,577 Do you know him? 1913 01:35:37,645 --> 01:35:38,737 Unfortunately, yes. 1914 01:35:38,813 --> 01:35:40,747 Well, just sit tight. Relax. 1915 01:35:40,815 --> 01:35:42,248 Everything will be O.K. 1916 01:35:43,484 --> 01:35:45,509 My first guest... 1917 01:35:45,586 --> 01:35:47,019 you'll agree with me that... 1918 01:35:47,088 --> 01:35:48,521 he's destined for greatness.! 1919 01:35:48,589 --> 01:35:50,523 In one way or another. 1920 01:35:50,591 --> 01:35:53,526 So will you please give your warmest greetings... 1921 01:35:53,594 --> 01:35:55,323 to the newest king of comedy-- 1922 01:35:55,396 --> 01:35:57,557 Rupert Pupkin.! 1923 01:36:09,377 --> 01:36:10,810 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 1924 01:36:10,878 --> 01:36:12,311 Let me introduce myself. 1925 01:36:12,380 --> 01:36:13,813 My name is Rupert Pupkin. 1926 01:36:13,881 --> 01:36:18,181 I was born in Clifton, New Jersey... 1927 01:36:18,252 --> 01:36:20,311 which was not at that time a federal offense. 1928 01:36:21,556 --> 01:36:23,990 Is there anyone here from Clifton? 1929 01:36:25,226 --> 01:36:28,161 Oh, good. We can all relax$ now. 1930 01:36:28,229 --> 01:36:30,163 I'd like to begin by saying... 1931 01:36:30,231 --> 01:36:33,667 my parents were too poor to afford me a childhood. 1932 01:36:33,734 --> 01:36:35,167 But the fact is that... 1933 01:36:35,236 --> 01:36:38,672 no one is allowed to be too poor in Clifton. 1934 01:36:38,739 --> 01:36:41,173 Once you fall below a certain level... 1935 01:36:41,242 --> 01:36:43,176 they exile you to Passaic. 1936 01:36:46,581 --> 01:36:48,014 My parents did put... 1937 01:36:48,082 --> 01:36:50,516 the first two down payments on my childhood. 1938 01:36:50,585 --> 01:36:53,520 Don't get me wrong, but they did also... 1939 01:36:53,588 --> 01:36:56,523 return me to the hospital as defective. 1940 01:36:58,593 --> 01:37:00,026 But, like everyone else... 1941 01:37:00,094 --> 01:37:04,030 I grew up in large part thanks to my mother. 1942 01:37:04,098 --> 01:37:05,963 If she were only here today... 1943 01:37:06,033 --> 01:37:08,968 I'd say, "Hey, ma, what are you doing here? 1944 01:37:09,036 --> 01:37:11,470 You've been dead for nine years.!' 1945 01:37:13,541 --> 01:37:15,975 But seriously, you should've seen my mother. 1946 01:37:16,043 --> 01:37:17,476 She was wonderful. 1947 01:37:17,545 --> 01:37:21,481 Blonde, beautiful, intelligent, alcoholic. 1948 01:37:21,549 --> 01:37:24,484 We used to drink milk together after school. 1949 01:37:24,552 --> 01:37:27,146 Mine was homogenized. Hers was loaded. 1950 01:37:28,556 --> 01:37:30,990 Once they picked her up for speeding. 1951 01:37:31,058 --> 01:37:32,491 They clocked her doing 50. 1952 01:37:32,560 --> 01:37:34,994 All right, but in our garage? 1953 01:37:40,067 --> 01:37:41,500 And when they tested her... 1954 01:37:41,569 --> 01:37:44,504 they found out that her alcohol had 2% blood. 1955 01:37:49,076 --> 01:37:52,512 Ah, but we used to joke together, mom and me... 1956 01:37:52,580 --> 01:37:55,515 until the tears would stroll down her face.. 1957 01:37:55,583 --> 01:37:57,517 and she would throw up.! 1958 01:37:57,585 --> 01:37:59,519 Yeah, and who would clean it up? 1959 01:37:59,587 --> 01:38:03,023 Not dad. He was too busy down at O'Grady's... 1960 01:38:03,090 --> 01:38:05,024 throwing up on his own. 1961 01:38:05,092 --> 01:38:06,116 Yeah. 1962 01:38:06,194 --> 01:38:08,128 In fact, until I was 1 6... 1963 01:38:08,196 --> 01:38:11,632 I thought throwing up was a sign of maturity. 1964 01:38:11,699 --> 01:38:13,132 While the other kids... 1965 01:38:13,201 --> 01:38:16,136 were off in the woods sneaking cigarettes... 1966 01:38:16,204 --> 01:38:18,138 I was hiding behind the house... 1967 01:38:18,206 --> 01:38:20,640 with my fingers down my throat. 1968 01:38:23,544 --> 01:38:26,479 The only problem was I never got anywhere... 1969 01:38:26,547 --> 01:38:29,482 until one day my father caught me. 1970 01:38:29,550 --> 01:38:31,984 Just as he was giving me... 1971 01:38:32,053 --> 01:38:34,988 a final kick in the stomach for luck... 1972 01:38:35,056 --> 01:38:38,492 I managed to heave all over his new shoes.! 1973 01:38:38,559 --> 01:38:39,992 "That's it, 'I thought. 1974 01:38:40,061 --> 01:38:42,996 "I've made it. I'm finally a man.!' 1975 01:38:50,571 --> 01:38:53,506 But as it turned out, I was wrong. 1976 01:38:53,574 --> 01:38:57,010 That was the only attention my father ever gave me. 1977 01:38:57,078 --> 01:38:59,512 Yeah, he was usually too busy... 1978 01:38:59,580 --> 01:39:03,516 out in the park playing ball with my sister Rose. 1979 01:39:03,584 --> 01:39:05,449 But today, I must say... 1980 01:39:05,519 --> 01:39:07,953 thanks to those many hours of practice... 1981 01:39:08,022 --> 01:39:11,014 my sister Rose has grown into a fine man. 1982 01:39:16,497 --> 01:39:19,125 Me, I wasn't especially interested in athletics. 1983 01:39:19,200 --> 01:39:21,134 The only exercise I ever got... 1984 01:39:21,202 --> 01:39:23,136 was when the other kids picked on me. 1985 01:39:23,204 --> 01:39:25,138 Yeah, they used to beat me up once a week... 1986 01:39:25,206 --> 01:39:26,298 usually Tuesday. 1987 01:39:26,374 --> 01:39:28,308 And after a while... 1988 01:39:28,376 --> 01:39:30,810 the school worked it into the curriculum. 1989 01:39:30,878 --> 01:39:34,974 And if you knocked me out, you got extra credit. 1990 01:39:36,550 --> 01:39:38,984 There was this one kid, poor kid... 1991 01:39:39,053 --> 01:39:40,486 he was afraid of me. 1992 01:39:40,554 --> 01:39:41,987 I used to tell him... 1993 01:39:42,056 --> 01:39:44,217 "Hit me, hit me. What's the matter with you? 1994 01:39:44,292 --> 01:39:46,988 Don't you want to graduate?' 1995 01:39:50,564 --> 01:39:52,998 Hey, I was the youngest kid... 1996 01:39:53,067 --> 01:39:55,001 in the history of the school... 1997 01:39:55,069 --> 01:39:56,502 to graduate in traction. 1998 01:39:58,572 --> 01:40:01,006 But, you know, my only real interest... 1999 01:40:01,075 --> 01:40:03,509 right from the beginning, was show business. 2000 01:40:03,577 --> 01:40:07,513 Even as a young man, I began at the very top-- 2001 01:40:07,581 --> 01:40:09,014 collecting autographs. 2002 01:40:11,085 --> 01:40:15,522 Now, a lot of you are probably wondering... 2003 01:40:15,589 --> 01:40:18,023 why Jerry isn't with us tonight. 2004 01:40:18,092 --> 01:40:19,525 Well, I'll tell you. 2005 01:40:19,593 --> 01:40:21,527 The fact is he's tied up. 2006 01:40:21,595 --> 01:40:24,029 I'm the one who tied him. 2007 01:40:24,098 --> 01:40:27,033 Well, I know you think I'm joking... 2008 01:40:27,101 --> 01:40:29,535 but, believe me, that's the only way... 2009 01:40:29,603 --> 01:40:32,037 I could break into show business-- 2010 01:40:32,106 --> 01:40:33,539 by hijacking Jerry Langford. 2011 01:40:33,607 --> 01:40:36,542 Right now, Jerry is strapped to a chair... 2012 01:40:36,610 --> 01:40:39,545 somewhere in the middle of the city. 2013 01:40:43,117 --> 01:40:44,550 Go ahead, laugh. 2014 01:40:44,618 --> 01:40:46,051 Thank you. I appreciate it. 2015 01:40:46,120 --> 01:40:48,054 But the fact is, I'm here. 2016 01:40:48,122 --> 01:40:50,556 Now, tomorrow you'll know I wasn't kidding... 2017 01:40:50,624 --> 01:40:52,558 and you'll think I was crazy. 2018 01:40:52,626 --> 01:40:55,060 But, look, I figure it this way. 2019 01:40:55,129 --> 01:40:57,563 Better to be king for a night... 2020 01:40:57,631 --> 01:40:59,565 than schmuck for a lifetime. 2021 01:41:01,135 --> 01:41:03,069 Thank you. Thank you. 2022 01:41:41,575 --> 01:41:43,509 How'd you do that? 2023 01:41:43,577 --> 01:41:45,010 Did you like it? 2024 01:41:45,079 --> 01:41:47,172 Thank you. 2025 01:41:47,248 --> 01:41:50,183 I'd like to buy everyone here a drink. 2026 01:41:50,251 --> 01:41:52,742 I hope you all enjoyed the show. 2027 01:41:52,820 --> 01:41:54,811 Rita, you keep the change. 2028 01:41:54,889 --> 01:42:00,452 Just because I made it big, I won't forget about you. 2029 01:42:00,528 --> 01:42:01,961 Come on. Come on! 2030 01:42:02,029 --> 01:42:03,462 What's happening here? 2031 01:42:03,531 --> 01:42:04,964 Take care of yourself, Rupert. 2032 01:42:05,032 --> 01:42:08,399 That's the same guy who was just now on television. 2033 01:42:08,469 --> 01:42:09,731 Just now. Same guy. 2034 01:42:10,905 --> 01:42:12,338 I'm just getting even. 2035 01:42:12,406 --> 01:42:13,839 No jokes. No jokes. 2036 01:42:13,908 --> 01:42:15,000 You murdered. 2037 01:42:15,075 --> 01:42:17,009 You didn't like my show? 2038 01:42:17,077 --> 01:42:18,169 No. No. 2039 01:42:18,245 --> 01:42:19,678 Matter of fact... 2040 01:42:19,747 --> 01:42:22,682 I'm looking for the guy that wrote the material. 2041 01:42:22,750 --> 01:42:26,186 I'll pick him up and take him along with you. 2042 01:42:26,253 --> 01:42:29,188 I wrote the material. I disagree with you. 2043 01:42:29,256 --> 01:42:31,690 I thought they were very good jokes. 2044 01:42:31,759 --> 01:42:33,192 If you wrote that material... 2045 01:42:33,260 --> 01:42:36,195 I got one piece of advice for you. 2046 01:42:36,263 --> 01:42:39,198 Throw yourself on your knees in front of the judge... 2047 01:42:39,266 --> 01:42:40,699 and beg for mercy. 2048 01:42:40,768 --> 01:42:42,201 That's very funny, but you'll see. 2049 01:42:42,269 --> 01:42:45,204 In what has to rank as the most bizarre debut... 2050 01:42:45,272 --> 01:42:46,705 in recent times... 2051 01:42:46,774 --> 01:42:49,208 a self-styled comedian named Rupert Pupkin... 2052 01:42:49,276 --> 01:42:51,210 appeared on the Jerry Langford Show... 2053 01:42:51,278 --> 01:42:53,712 There's no doubt the incident has made... 2054 01:42:53,781 --> 01:42:55,942 Rupert Pupkin a household word. 2055 01:42:56,016 --> 01:42:57,449 Pupkin's performance has been viewed... 2056 01:42:57,518 --> 01:43:00,351 by a record 87 million American households. 2057 01:43:00,421 --> 01:43:02,355 Rupert Pupkin, kidnapping king of comedy... 2058 01:43:02,423 --> 01:43:04,357 was sentenced to six$ years imprisonment... 2059 01:43:04,425 --> 01:43:06,290 at the government's minimum security facility... 2060 01:43:06,360 --> 01:43:08,294 in Allenwood, Pennsylvania, for his part... 2061 01:43:08,362 --> 01:43:11,729 in the abduction of talk show host Jerry Langford. 2062 01:43:11,799 --> 01:43:14,996 On the anniversary of his appearance on the show... 2063 01:43:15,069 --> 01:43:17,503 Rupert Pupkin told a gathering of reporters... 2064 01:43:17,571 --> 01:43:19,505 he still considers Jerry Langford... 2065 01:43:19,573 --> 01:43:21,006 his friend and mentor. 2066 01:43:21,075 --> 01:43:24,010 He reported he had been spending his time... 2067 01:43:24,078 --> 01:43:26,512 writing his memoirs, which have been purchased... 2068 01:43:26,580 --> 01:43:28,013 by a leading publishing house... 2069 01:43:28,082 --> 01:43:30,016 for in excess of $ 1 million. 2070 01:43:30,084 --> 01:43:32,518 Rupert Pupkin was released today from Allenwood... 2071 01:43:32,586 --> 01:43:35,020 after serving 2 years and 9 months... 2072 01:43:35,089 --> 01:43:36,522 of a six$-year sentence. 2073 01:43:36,590 --> 01:43:38,524 Hundreds greeted the 3 7-year-old... 2074 01:43:38,592 --> 01:43:40,025 comedian and author... 2075 01:43:40,094 --> 01:43:43,029 among them his new agent and manager David Ball... 2076 01:43:43,097 --> 01:43:45,031 who announced King For A Night... 2077 01:43:45,099 --> 01:43:46,532 Pupkin's best-selling autobiography... 2078 01:43:46,600 --> 01:43:47,862 will appear as a major motion picture. 2079 01:43:47,935 --> 01:43:50,870 Pupkin said he used his stay at Allenwood... 2080 01:43:50,938 --> 01:43:52,371 to sharpen his material. 2081 01:43:52,439 --> 01:43:53,906 He said he and his people... 2082 01:43:53,974 --> 01:43:55,373 were weighing attractive offers... 2083 01:43:55,442 --> 01:43:57,740 and he looked forward to resuming.... 2084 01:43:57,811 --> 01:43:59,369 his show business career. 2085 01:43:59,446 --> 01:44:01,880 And now, ladies and gentlemen... 2086 01:44:01,949 --> 01:44:04,543 the man we've all been waiting for... 2087 01:44:04,618 --> 01:44:07,485 and waiting for. 2088 01:44:07,555 --> 01:44:10,991 Would you welcome home please... 2089 01:44:11,058 --> 01:44:12,491 television's brightest new star-- 2090 01:44:12,560 --> 01:44:14,494 The legendary, inspirational... 2091 01:44:14,562 --> 01:44:16,996 the one and only king of comedy-- 2092 01:44:17,064 --> 01:44:20,500 Ladies and gentlemen, Rupert Pupkin.! 2093 01:44:33,581 --> 01:44:35,515 Rupert Pupkin, ladies and gentlemen.! 2094 01:44:35,583 --> 01:44:38,017 Let's hear it for Rupert Pupkin.! 2095 01:44:41,889 --> 01:44:43,049 Wonderful.! 2096 01:44:43,123 --> 01:44:45,523 Rupert Pupkin, ladies and gentlemen.! 2097 01:44:49,096 --> 01:44:51,030 Rupert Pupkin, ladies and gentlemen.! 2098 01:44:51,098 --> 01:44:53,532 Let's hear it for Rupert Pupkin.! 2099 01:44:55,069 --> 01:44:56,195 Wonderful.! 2100 01:44:56,270 --> 01:44:59,034 Rupert Pupkin, ladies and gentlemen.! 2101 01:45:22,896 --> 01:45:26,491 How can you stand the silence 2102 01:45:26,567 --> 01:45:30,765 That pervades when we all cry? 2103 01:45:30,838 --> 01:45:35,002 How can you watch the violence 2104 01:45:35,075 --> 01:45:38,670 That erupts before your eyes? 2105 01:45:38,746 --> 01:45:42,147 How can you tell us something 2106 01:45:42,216 --> 01:45:46,312 Just to keep us hanging on? 2107 01:45:46,387 --> 01:45:50,517 Something that just don't mean nothing 2108 01:45:50,591 --> 01:45:52,752 When we see it, you are gone 2109 01:45:54,595 --> 01:45:58,531 Clinging to some other rainbow 2110 01:45:58,599 --> 01:46:01,591 Or standing waiting in the cold 2111 01:46:02,803 --> 01:46:05,567 Telling us the same old story 2112 01:46:06,740 --> 01:46:10,972 Knowing time is growing old 2113 01:46:11,045 --> 01:46:14,572 That was a wonderful remark 2114 01:46:18,485 --> 01:46:23,013 I had my eyes closed in the dark 2115 01:46:26,427 --> 01:46:30,363 I sighed a million sighs 2116 01:46:30,431 --> 01:46:33,264 I told a million lies 2117 01:46:33,333 --> 01:46:34,857 To myself 2118 01:46:37,071 --> 01:46:38,561 To myself 2119 01:46:50,284 --> 01:46:53,981 How can we listen to you 2120 01:46:54,054 --> 01:46:57,387 When we know your talk is cheap? 2121 01:46:58,759 --> 01:47:02,354 How can we ever question 2122 01:47:02,429 --> 01:47:05,956 Why we give more and you keep? 2123 01:47:06,033 --> 01:47:10,470 How can your empty laughter 2124 01:47:10,537 --> 01:47:14,200 Fill the room like clouds of joy 2125 01:47:14,274 --> 01:47:18,074 When you're only playing with us 2126 01:47:18,145 --> 01:47:21,478 Like a child does with a toy? 2127 01:47:22,883 --> 01:47:25,249 How can we ever feel the freedom? 2128 01:47:26,555 --> 01:47:29,020 Or the flame lit by the spark? 2129 01:47:30,555 --> 01:47:34,085 How can we ever come out even 2130 01:47:34,160 --> 01:47:37,995 When reality is stark? 2131 01:47:38,065 --> 01:47:42,295 That was a wonderful remark 2132 01:47:45,940 --> 01:47:50,240 I had my eyes closed in the dark 2133 01:47:50,310 --> 01:47:51,400 Yeah 2134 01:47:53,815 --> 01:47:57,510 I sighed a million sighs 2135 01:47:57,585 --> 01:48:00,520 I told a million lies 2136 01:48:00,585 --> 01:48:02,215 To myself 2137 01:48:04,090 --> 01:48:06,320 To myself 2138 01:48:08,530 --> 01:48:12,990 Believin' to myself 2139 01:48:14,200 --> 01:48:15,965 Ooh 2140 01:48:16,035 --> 01:48:20,475 Believin' to myself 2141 01:48:20,540 --> 01:48:23,475 To myself 2142 01:48:24,980 --> 01:48:28,100 To myself 2143 01:48:28,180 --> 01:48:30,675 To myself