1
00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:44,716
MAC: (HEAVING)
Okay. Oh, you <i>know</i> it.

2
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,238
KELLY: (BREATHILY) Okay.
MAC: Okay.

3
00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:47,690
MAC: There we go.
KELLY: <i>That's</i> it.

4
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,307
<i>MAG: That's good.
KELLY: Okay.</i>

5
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,806
<i>MAC: Okay.
KELLY: I'm okay.</i>

6
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,269
Ah!
KELLY: Shh.

7
00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,031
Do you want me to put a
pillow over your mouth?

8
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,682
You gonna choke me or something?
What?

9
00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:57,974
Is it like a new sexy thing?

10
00:00:58,141 --> 00:00:59,643
No, so Stella won't wake up.

11
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:01,290
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
I'll just be quiet.

12
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:02,821
MAC: Okay.

13
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,699
(WEEPING)

14
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:08,902
Shh.

15
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:10,408
I'm sorry.

16
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,118
(STAMMERS) I'm
having a hard time.

17
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:13,414
I'm a vocal lover.

18
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:15,158
(MOANING)

19
00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:16,542
(STOMACH GRUMBLING)
(RETCHING)

20
00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:17,703
Oh.

21
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,705
What was that?
Nothing.

22
00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:21,474
Just looked like you might throw up.
I'm fine.

23
00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,045
You're sure?
No, I'm fine.

24
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,336
Is it me? Are you
nauseated by me?

25
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:26,420
Come on.

26
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,172
Baby, you're my bear.

27
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,011
You look awfully nauseous.
I'm fine.

28
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,455
Did you eat a crab salad again?

29
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:32,972
(SCOFFS)

30
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,183
You did, didn't you? No.

31
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:37,185
(BURPING)
Oh, no.

32
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,685
Okay.

33
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:42,895
That's fine.
(CONTINUES BURPING)

34
00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,360
Stop. Just stop.
Sorry, it's...

35
00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,608
You're so sexy though.
Thanks, baby.

36
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:48,692
You're sure you're okay?

37
00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:51,032
Honey, I'm completely
and totally...

38
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:52,909
(RETCHING)
(GROANING)

39
00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:55,449
Sorry.

40
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:57,497
Baby, I think
I might be pregnant.

41
00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,036
That's great!

42
00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,922
(CHUCKLING) Sweetie, that's fantastic!
(KELLY CHUCKLING)

43
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:03,419
BOTH: Ugh.

44
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:04,778
Sorry. (STAMMERS)
Why don't we...

45
00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,631
ls it weird that I came?

46
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:10,859
They're gonna be
here in five minutes.

47
00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,383
I gotta poo!
You already pooed.

48
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,652
I need to poo twice sometimes!
When I'm nervous I poo twice!

49
00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:15,862
You're gonna have to poo later!

50
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,263
Fuck! Fine!

51
00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:18,476
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

52
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,199
Stella, how do you keep finding

53
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,349
Mommy's dildo?
(VIBRATING)

54
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,860
Just put it away, okay?

55
00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:26,067
When did she start saying
"no" all the time?

56
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:28,448
I don't know. Hide
your unmentionables.

57
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:30,400
Hide your bongs!

58
00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:33,988
(DOORBELL CHIMING)

59
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:38,416
(GLASS SHATTERING)

60
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:40,702
(BOTH PANTING)

61
00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:42,754
What's that smell?
It's bong water.

62
00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:45,798
Hey! Welcome home.
Hi!

63
00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,425
Yeah, come in.

64
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,928
If you decide to buy
the house, that is.

65
00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:51,760
They might.
They like it.

66
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,050
Yes. Great.
Well, yeah, so...

67
00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:57,641
Sorry. I know it's annoying
to keep on dropping in.

68
00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,405
No. Not annoying at all.
Not annoying at all.

69
00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:00,772
What's annoying about this?

70
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,015
So guys.

71
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:04,935
Here's the thing.

72
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:06,561
We'll take it!

73
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:07,729
(GASPS)
on...

74
00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:08,985
Oh, that was totally...

75
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,278
All right.

76
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:11,775
MAC: That was scary.

77
00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:12,943
We love suspense.

78
00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:14,160
Oh, boy. Look.

79
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:16,371
Guess your daughter
found your vibrator.

80
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:17,493
Stella.

81
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:18,619
She just keeps finding it.

82
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:19,951
I don't know what's going on.

83
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:22,119
Stels, put that away.
No.

84
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,471
Stels! She just
learned that word.

85
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:26,169
Don't even worry. I think I have
that same one at home, right?

86
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,296
(ALL LAUGHING)
But ours is in black.

87
00:03:31,253 --> 00:03:32,630
Black cock.

88
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,382
Yeah. Uh-huh.
MAC: Dude.

89
00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:37,263
Maybe we should sign some stuff.

90
00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:38,518
Why don't we.

91
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:39,835
Yep. I think
we should do that.

92
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:44,617
We sold our house!
We sold our house!

93
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:45,938
We did it!
Whoo!

94
00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:49,272
Don't get too psyched because
you haven't sold it yet.

95
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,446
You're in escrow.

96
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,210
What's that bullshit? Were
you trying to fuck us over?

97
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,294
What the fuck are
you talking about?

98
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,671
I asked you months
ago if you understood

99
00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:58,447
what escrow was,
and you said yes.

100
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,341
Just say it one more time.
Maybe say it one more time.

101
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:01,759
You know, just
refresh our memories.

102
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:02,783
Okay. Very simple.

103
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:05,830
Escrow is a 30-day period wherein
the buyer of the new house

104
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,539
gets to do
inspections and whatnot.

105
00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:09,249
And assuming
everything goes well

106
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:12,552
and nothing changes with the living
situation to spook them or something,

107
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:13,716
you close. Okay?

108
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,342
So wait. Do we
have escrows on

109
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:16,941
the other house we just
bought in the suburbs?

110
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,433
No. You have no
escrow on that house.

111
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,018
MAC: Why the fuck not?
(STAMMERS)

112
00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:22,141
Because that house
had multiple offers.

113
00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:23,304
And you screamed at me,

114
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:25,186
"Do whatever you have to
do to get that house."

115
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:26,475
Yeah, I remember that.

116
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,281
So, I did it. So you
have no escrow there.

117
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:30,103
And then I asked
you three times,

118
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,026
"Do you understand
what escrow is?"

119
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:33,691
And once again

120
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:35,659
you just nodded.

121
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,494
Just like you are right now.

122
00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,829
This is how the real
estate crisis happened.

123
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:43,617
Buyers can pop by
at any time, okay?

124
00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,244
- Okay.
- Okay.

125
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:48,163
So, your 30 days "do not
fuck up" clock starts now.

126
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:49,891
Could you just watch
your language, please?

127
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,087
She's holding a dildo.

128
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:53,251
MAC: That's not a dildo.
That is a...

129
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:55,503
Toy.

130
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:57,092
From a cartoon.

131
00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,678
Mmm-hmm. Japanese,
anime cartoon.

132
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:02,602
Well, I watch that cartoon
every night. (CHUCKLES)

133
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,397
Ah, Jesus Christ,
man, we're getting old.

134
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:06,556
Why do you say that?

135
00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:07,898
Because our friends are dying.

136
00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:10,144
Who's dying?

137
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,104
Do you remember Joe Waterston?
Yeah.

138
00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:13,981
Dead.
Really?

139
00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:16,112
Yeah. Had this little weird
mole on his shoulder.

140
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:19,949
Was driving to get it checked
out, hit by a bus. Dead.

141
00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:21,529
Are you okay, man?

142
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:23,414
No, I'm not okay, man.

143
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:25,538
I'm freaking out about
Paula having a baby.

144
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:26,834
I don't think I can do it.

145
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:28,763
Dude, you're gonna be a good parent.
Don't worry.

146
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:30,755
No, I'm not.
I don't know anything.

147
00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:32,434
Do you know you
can't leave a baby alone?

148
00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:33,541
If you're at home

149
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:36,382
and you want the baby to stay while
you go see a movie? Unacceptable.

150
00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:37,508
That I do know.

151
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:38,773
You knew that?
I did know that.

152
00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:40,219
How the fuck are
you gonna have two?

153
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,972
I don't even understand
how that physically works.

154
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,237
I'm actually not that worried.

155
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:45,763
I'm a good father
to one daughter.

156
00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:48,164
I think I'll be a good father
to two daughters. (SNICKERING)

157
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,352
Come on.
What?

158
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:53,107
(LAUGHS) You're
not a good father.

159
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:55,443
Fuck you. I'm
a good parent. Okay?

160
00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:56,652
Okay, okay, okay.
Yeah.

161
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,751
Well, tell yourself that,
because before you know it,

162
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,869
Stella is gonna be
a tween who hates you,

163
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,948
and it's gonna be your fault because
you let her play with Kelly's dildo.

164
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:05,703
Because you're a bad parent.

165
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,204
Me and Kelly are good parents.

166
00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:08,724
Don't take your
shit out on me, okay?

167
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,755
All I'm saying, thank
God, I'm having a boy.

168
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:13,958
'Cause girls are fuckin' hard.

169
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,592
What are you talking about?

170
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,419
Man, it's just easier
with boys, you know?

171
00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:19,470
Like, when a boy
gets laid, it's awesome.

172
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,677
When a girl gets laid, it's bad.

173
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,012
That's not true.

174
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:24,485
You want your
daughter to have sex?

175
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,477
You're gonna be like,
"Hey, Jimmy, good news.

176
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:27,808
"Stella just got fucked.

177
00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,411
"Come on over
let's have some beers."

178
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:32,901
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

179
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,815
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

180
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,665
ALL: Yay!
Yay!

181
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,880
Welcome to Phi Lambda!

182
00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,135
ALL: Yay!

183
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,803
This is such an exciting year.

184
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,464
If you're lucky,
and you make the cut,

185
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:04,133
you will be joining a sisterhood

186
00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:05,717
and making best
friends for life.

187
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,181
ALL: Yay!

188
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,424
PHI LAMDA PRESIDENT: We're
getting a hot tub. (GASPS)

189
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:10,688
Yay!

190
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:13,350
We have all brand
new feather duvets.

191
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,185
That's dope.

192
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:17,688
And we got a new chef,
and we're going gluten-free.

193
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,401
(CHEERING CONTINUES)

194
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,151
Hi. What are you doing?

195
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,401
(COUGHS)

196
00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:24,740
(INDISTINCT WHISPERS)

197
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:28,620
I totally should've offered it
to you first, man. I'm sorry.

198
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,333
Pecking order, you know?

199
00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:32,039
Who hits it first?
No, you go for it.

200
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,795
No, we don't hit
joints here, ever.

201
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:35,848
That's against the rules. You're
gonna have to take that out.

202
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:36,873
Cup!

203
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:39,542
Cup.

204
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:42,425
This is $12. There's
hash oil in the middle.

205
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:43,546
Cup!

206
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:44,839
(SIZZLES)

207
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:47,971
Your parties must
totally suck ass

208
00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,553
if you can't smoke weed.
Am I right?

209
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:50,720
Oh, damn!

210
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,198
PHI LAMDA PRESIDENT:
We don't throw parties here.

211
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,269
No sorority can.

212
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:54,948
According to the
Greek Council, we can't.

213
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,393
(CHUCKLES) Really?

214
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,819
No, this is an actual,
real thing.

215
00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,279
In the United States of America,

216
00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:02,153
sororities are not allowed to
throw parties in their houses.

217
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:03,575
Only frats can.

218
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:04,905
Google it.

219
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,287
(KEYS CLACKING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

220
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,539
SHELBY: Oh, my God! Really?

221
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:10,911
You just don't party?

222
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:12,576
No, of course we party, stupid.

223
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,002
We just do it at frats.

224
00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,078
Yes!

225
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,458
(ALL CHEERING)

226
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:18,168
ALL: Phi Lambda!

227
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,083
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

228
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,762
Hey!
Oh, hi!

229
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:26,923
Sorry, if I interrupted.
No, I...

230
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,401
I don't actually
know anyone here,

231
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:29,694
so I was just
rereading old texts,

232
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:30,878
so I don't look like a loser.

233
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,137
So was I.

234
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,139
No one was texting me.
(CHUCKLING)

235
00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:36,057
Are you rushing Phi Lambda?

236
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:37,350
Yes, I'm Beth.

237
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:38,601
I'm Shelby.

238
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,395
This is exciting, right?
Yes!

239
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:41,563
First frat party.

240
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,277
Yeah, totally.

241
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,403
Totally.

242
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,281
Ten in the bucket.
Yeah, go.

243
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:48,824
Hey, what's up?
Ten in the bucket.

244
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:49,903
Okay.

245
00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:50,947
You're cool.
Get in there.

246
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,125
Uh, no way.
This is all of my money.

247
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,119
No, no. We got a runner!
Thank you so much!

248
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,087
(MUSIC PLAYING)

249
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:05,920
(WHOOPING)

250
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,324
Oh, my God. I feel
like this entire room

251
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:20,318
is just a giant arrow pointing
upstairs so they can fuck us.

252
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:21,478
Oh, my God!

253
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:28,030
'Sup? You wanna
go upstairs?

254
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,449
Who are you asking?

255
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:33,161
I don't wanna be rude. I really
don't have a preference.

256
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:34,370
No.

257
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:35,533
'Scuse!

258
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,044
This isn't exactly
what I expected, you know?

259
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:40,672
Yeah, you mean this fucking
sucks, right? Yeah.

260
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,266
And does no one
know that the same song

261
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,633
keeps playing
over and over again?

262
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:44,709
Oh, my God, I noticed!

263
00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:46,437
And it makes me want
to blow my brains out.

264
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:47,480
NORA: Hi, I'm Nora,
by the way.

265
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:48,881
Hi, I'm Nora.
Yeah, no.

266
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:50,323
Let's get out of here!
Let's leave!

267
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,809
I am so happy I
found you guys-

268
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,386
That was the most
weird party ever.

269
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,697
I thought college parties were
supposed to be fun or something.

270
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,019
Yeah, I felt unsafe.

271
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,729
It was super rapey in there.

272
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:04,192
NORA: If I'm being honest,
I've never done drugs before,

273
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:06,072
but college is
about new experiences.

274
00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:08,859
And here I am,
and I'm gonna do weed.

275
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:10,235
BETH: (CHUCKLES) Okay.

276
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,533
Just take a little bit.

277
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:15,331
Wow, that's a big hit.

278
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:16,662
(COUGHING)

279
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,876
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?

280
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:20,955
Oh, my God. Do you need some water?
Are you okay?

281
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:23,874
Oh, my God. I think
she's gonna boot.

282
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,171
If she boots, I boot.

283
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:31,430
You're beautiful.

284
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:32,761
(CHUCKLES) She's good.

285
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:34,935
I think this is my thing now!
(ALL GIGGLING)

286
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,321
BETH: I can't believe you
never smoked in high school.

287
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,531
What did you do in high school?

288
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,148
I didn't tell
you guys. Okay.

289
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:44,565
Um, I've been in a pretty intense
relationship since third grade.

290
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,654
Oh, my God,
like Cory and Topanga?

291
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:49,691
Stop!
Yes, exactly.

292
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:50,858
That's such a good call.

293
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,878
That's the cutest thing I've
ever heard in my literal life.

294
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,074
Yeah, exactly like that.

295
00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:57,366
Personally, I've made
love to three men.

296
00:10:57,532 --> 00:10:58,749
Two were black.

297
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:01,119
And one was Indian.

298
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:04,543
Um, I've done like
everything, but...

299
00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:06,925
But what?

300
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,418
Like everything you can do,

301
00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:10,595
but that one thing.

302
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,636
You've never eaten
out a guy's ass before?

303
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:17,643
SHELBY: No, no.

304
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:19,270
No. I mean, I dunno.

305
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,774
High school kind of sucked,
if we're being totally honest.

306
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:25,435
Yeah, my dad was super strict,
I had really early curfews.

307
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:26,996
When he dropped
me off at college,

308
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,237
he gave me a rape whistle

309
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,782
and this huge speech on how to
behave myself <i>as</i> a young woman.

310
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:33,155
Yeah, I mean, because
of all that I guess

311
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:36,663
I didn't really have much of a social
life when I was in high school.

312
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:38,539
Girl, you don't have
to say it. We get it.

313
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:42,831
You had no friends.

314
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:44,750
DUSTIN: Knock, knock, knock!

315
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:47,298
Hey! R.A. coming through.

316
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,130
<i>What up, homes'?</i>

317
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:50,509
BOTH: Hi, Dustin!

318
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:52,511
Kind of smells a little
funky! (CHUCKLING)

319
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,305
(DUSTIN SNIFFING)

320
00:11:58,259 --> 00:11:59,260
Hmm.

321
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,647
Okay. Are we clone here, guys?
GIRLS: <i>Um...</i>

322
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:05,600
First warning,
just the first warning.

323
00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:07,685
(BETH CLEARS THROAT)

324
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,479
I'm kidding.
(CHUCKLES)

325
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:11,359
You're adults.
You're in college.

326
00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:13,524
You scared the crap out of me.

327
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:14,752
Were all of you smoking weed?

328
00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:15,776
We smoked weed.

329
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,320
God damn it!

330
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:18,830
I fucking knew it!

331
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:22,117
You don't do drugs.
Do you?

332
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:23,955
Okay, we're cool?

333
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:26,621
I'll see you fools later.
Hit me up if you need me.

334
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:27,789
Peace.

335
00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:29,499
God.

336
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:30,792
Oh, my God.

337
00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:34,179
I am so sick and tired of all
these guys coming into our lives

338
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,680
and trying to
tell us what to do.

339
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,191
BETH: We're not little
girls anymore.

340
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:39,013
We are strong adult women.

341
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,320
Yeah, and sororities can't
even throw their own parties.

342
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,971
We can't even
enjoy the frat party.

343
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,727
We can't have fun in our dorm.

344
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:45,927
You know what we should do?

345
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:49,023
We should start
our own sorority.

346
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,434
One that can party the way
that we want to. Mmm-hmm.

347
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,523
And like, most importantly,

348
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:56,450
we can make sisters for life.
Yeah!

349
00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,128
I wanna be your sister.
I wanna be your sister.

350
00:12:58,152 --> 00:12:59,153
Okay-Oh, my God!

351
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:01,911
(CHEERING) ALL: (CHANTING) BFF!
BFF! BFF!

352
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:04,622
I told you guys to
shut the fuck up!

353
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:06,870
(MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

354
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,663
BOTH: Poker night!

355
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,388
Selfie stick!

356
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:27,353
Yeah. So I've been designing
Outback Steakhouses.

357
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:30,018
Congrats.
Lots of Outbacks.

358
00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:31,829
But, dude, tell me what's
going on with your app.

359
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:33,230
Changing the world and shit.

360
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,735
You know, one dick at a time.

361
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,198
(ALL LAUGHING)

362
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,701
Seriously, that's a great idea, man.
Thank you!

363
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,953
An app that makes
pics of your dick bigger.

364
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,038
I meant to tell you,
I enjoyed your TED Talk.

365
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,794
Oh, thank you so much.
Thanks for watching.

366
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,493
You're so successful.

367
00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:49,838
Well, I'm still a cop,
which is not that bad.

368
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:51,380
You know,
it's a lot of rules now.

369
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,254
We gotta wear body
cameras and all of that.

370
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,653
I don't know why
they gave me one.

371
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,061
It's not like I'm
gonna shoot myself.

372
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,508
But, hey, I figured if you
can't beat 'em, join 'em.

373
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,733
What are you up to, man? How you doing?
Yeah, that's real good.

374
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,385
Work's been a little
bit of a bummer.

375
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,678
They eliminated
the shirtless models,

376
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:08,936
so now I have to walk around
in this monkey suit.

377
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,767
Looks like
a really soft sweater.

378
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:11,994
TEDDY: And then you
know what else, too?

379
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,612
I'm the oldest person
there now by six years.

380
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:16,569
I had to cover
for my boss, Mason,

381
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,441
because he had to
go to his "prom."

382
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,903
When did everyone in
retail get so young?

383
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,613
Hmm.

384
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:25,123
I just feel, like, really
undervalued, you know?

385
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,201
Yeah, for real.

386
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:30,249
At least I have you guys.
PETE: You do!

387
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,830
I love you guys, man.
PETE: You do.

388
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:32,960
Delta Psi, man.

389
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,479
Once a week, Delta
week every Monday-

390
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:35,583
Yeah.
Gotcha.

391
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:37,668
So, uh, Darren.
Mmm-hmm.

392
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,253
How much you putting in?

393
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,131
I'm going

394
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:43,466
all in.

395
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,301
Big hand!
(DARREN CHUCKLING)

396
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:46,828
Man, what do you got,
a full house?

397
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,061
Hopefully, one day.

398
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:49,597
(CLEARS THROAT)

399
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,016
(UKULELE PLAYING)

400
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:55,316
<i>(SINGING) Well, you done done
me and you bet I felt it</i>

401
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,276
Oh, my God.
Our song.

402
00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,736
What's going on?

403
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,321
<i>I fell right through the cracks</i>

404
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:04,158
<i>Now I'm trying to get back</i>

405
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:07,870
<i>Oh, I won't hesitate</i>

406
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,496
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

407
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,498
<i>No more, no more</i>

408
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:14,631
<i>It cannot wait</i>

409
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:17,004
<i>I'm yours</i>

410
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,505
PETE: Oh, my God.

411
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:21,179
The Greeks believed
we were each half of a whole.

412
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:25,555
Peter, you are the half
that makes me whole-

413
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:28,056
This is happening! Oh. my God!
Is this happening?

414
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,446
Look, I don't know
what the rules are-.

415
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:31,768
I don't know who is
supposed to propose to who.

416
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,325
And you're not a ring guy.
You don't have to wear it.

417
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,192
You know, I guess.
No. That's okay.

418
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:37,103
Wear it for me.
All right.

419
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,622
Will you marry me,
Peter McCallister?

420
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,990
Yes, you know I will!
Yes! Put it on.

421
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,367
Okay, one, two, three!

422
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:46,370
(ALL CHEERING)

423
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:52,127
ALL: (CHANTING)
USA! USA! USA!

424
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,003
Did he ever tell
you about college?

425
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,580
College was crazy, man!

426
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,878
He used to just crush it.

427
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,792
Slay tang.

428
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:01,128
No.
Oh, wow.

429
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,887
You were out of
your mind a little bit.

430
00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:04,388
I was figuring stuff out.

431
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:07,099
Yeah, figuring stuff
out knee-deep in pussy.

432
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:08,263
Oh...

433
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:09,559
I also used to...

434
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,392
I ate pussy.

435
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:13,890
Not as much as him.

436
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,725
By the way, is it cool...

437
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,482
Can we talk about the living
situation real quick?

438
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,404
Dude, don't sweat that.
Yeah?

439
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,823
Darren, you can
move in any time.

440
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,616
Dude, he's basically
here every night.

441
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,909
Thank you so much!
Yeah. Right. Okay.

442
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:29,243
Seriously, though. Would it
be cool if Darren moved in

443
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:35,037
and then you did
not live here anymore?

444
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,461
What do you mean? Why?

445
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:39,082
I mean, we're engaged.

446
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:41,922
What did you think
was gonna happen?

447
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,729
That you two would
move into your room,

448
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:45,972
and that I would
live in my room.

449
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,719
For happily ever after.

450
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:50,347
We're thinking maybe, because
Darren works from home

451
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:53,976
that maybe we would
turn it into an office.

452
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:57,688
And then, maybe one day

453
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:01,111
uh, a baby's room.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)

454
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,280
No, babies are real small.
They are.

455
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:06,401
They're tiny, they're the
size of a little shoebox-

456
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,194
Huh. Doesn't take
up the whole room.

457
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:09,745
Think of a counter
argument, but I...

458
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:10,821
Yeah.

459
00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:12,282
Dude, I was just fucking joking.

460
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:14,792
You were fucking...
Totally fucking with you.

461
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,248
You know what?

462
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:17,707
I need to go for a run.

463
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,056
You're gonna go right now for...

464
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,640
I'm happy for you guys.
I love you guys.

465
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:23,046
Bring it in, man. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.

466
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:25,879
Love you, dude.
Love you, man.

467
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,715
Teddy, don't you wanna grab
your shoes, at least? (SIGHS)

468
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,436
Look, ladies, the owner of
this house is super cool.

469
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:44,238
He's like me.
He's cool, he's dope.

470
00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:45,530
You can do anything here.

471
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:49,823
You can party, you can stay up
all night, play on your phones.

472
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,620
Snapchat that shit,
I don't care.

473
00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,039
And smoke weed.

474
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,203
The question is can you afford it?
What's your name?

475
00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:56,367
Shelby.
Shelby.

476
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:57,664
Look, I'm Team Shelby.

477
00:17:57,827 --> 00:17:59,500
What's your name?
Nora.

478
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,255
Nora. I'm Team Nora.

479
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,003
What?
Beth.

480
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:04,299
Okay, I'm good.

481
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:07,170
Look, girls, normally,
it's $25,000 a month.

482
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,802
But I'm willing to offer
it to you for $5,000.

483
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,599
Wow. Can you afford
five grand a month?

484
00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:12,675
No.

485
00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:16,183
(CLICKS TONGUE) Oh, I'm getting
a call-Hold on, please.

486
00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:17,517
(SOFTLY)
Did his phone ring?

487
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,432
I'm so sorry. I have
to take this call.

488
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,317
It's another
ragtag group of girls

489
00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:22,752
trying to start
their own sorority.

490
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:25,029
They're real
alternative, real edgy.

491
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,279
What to do?

492
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,000
Guys, we gotta act fast.
What are we gonna do?

493
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,626
I don't know. We don't
have enough for a month.

494
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,027
Shit, what do we do?
(GROANS)

495
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,421
I don't know.
You're looking at me

496
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,755
and I don't
really know what to...

497
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,531
NORA: Whoa.
Okay, guys.

498
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,209
There is a beautiful centaur
sitting thoughtfully over there.

499
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:39,827
SHELBY: Who are you?

500
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:41,712
I'm Teddy Sanders.

501
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,216
I used to live here.

502
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,519
SHELBY: Why are you limping?
BETH: Are you okay?

503
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,671
I just ran here, barefoot.

504
00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:51,047
Really far.

505
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:52,214
(CHUCKLES)
Huh.

506
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,192
You guys are thinking about
renting this place?

507
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:55,217
Maybe.

508
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,224
What do you guys want
with such a big house?

509
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:58,646
We're starting our own sorority

510
00:18:58,721 --> 00:18:59,813
outside the system

511
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,849
that can totally do whatever it wants.
NORA: Yeah.

512
00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:04,686
Mmm-hmm. Like throw dope-ass
parties and totally rage-

513
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,149
A sorority that can party?

514
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:07,612
Kappa Nu.

515
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:09,486
What's wrong with
fraternity parties?

516
00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:11,617
(SCOFFS) What isn't?

517
00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,532
We threw great parties here.

518
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:15,743
Pimps and Hoes,

519
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:18,124
CEOs and Corporate Hoes,

520
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,417
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
Boise Boys and Ida-Hoes.

521
00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:22,416
They're, like, super sexist.
(SCOFFS)

522
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,543
Every party is, like, themed hoe.
(CHUCKLES)

523
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:26,999
I mean...

524
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,255
Jeez.

525
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,714
Oh, no! Oh, God!

526
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:34,469
TEDDY: Mmm-hmm.

527
00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:36,263
Yeah, I see your point.

528
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,519
Honestly, though, it's kind
of a fucking moot point.

529
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,689
We got to figure
out something else.

530
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:42,890
We can't afford this place.

531
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:45,339
How much money do you guys
have between the three of you?

532
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:46,981
Maybe a few thousand dollars.

533
00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:48,779
That's if you really
pool it all together,

534
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:50,569
and that's for
the entire school year.

535
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,533
So use that as a down payment,

536
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:55,031
throw a rush event,
get a bunch of members.

537
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:56,449
They'll pay their dues,

538
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,827
plus you'll have an army of
people to make money for you.

539
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,159
And then pretty soon, you're
a full-fledged sorority.

540
00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:03,244
Right? Do you guys have
the rental agreement?

541
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:07,416
I don't understand one thing
that you just said to us.

542
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,463
Last week, I was
sleeping in a bunk bed.

543
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:10,543
SHELBY: Yeah.

544
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:11,878
I can't make an Eggo!

545
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,554
I can't make one.
I don't know how.

546
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:15,597
We're 18. We know
what we wanna do.

547
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,804
We have no earthly idea
how to accomplish it.

548
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:20,311
I ran Delta Psi for four years.

549
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,730
I could definitely help you.
Okay.

550
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:25,061
I mean, would that be, like,

551
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,609
of value to you?

552
00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:31,985
Yeah, that'd be,
like, of tremendous value.

553
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:33,315
Really?

554
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:35,784
We should, like, celebrate!

555
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:36,861
Yeah!
Okay.

556
00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:39,413
Dude, who wants to
take a rip on the zip?

557
00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:40,966
NORA: Go for it!
Dude, check this out!

558
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:41,991
NORA: Okay.

559
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:44,751
I swear, we used to
ride this baby tandem.

560
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:47,417
Check this out. Delta Psi!

561
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:49,377
(GROANS) on...

562
00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:50,504
Dude, are you okay?

563
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,464
I'm fine.
Yeah, I'm good.

564
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:54,424
Legally, this is
not my responsibility.

565
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,301
We'll take it.

566
00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:58,431
Dope!

567
00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:00,934
NORA: Are you okay, dude?

568
00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:02,251
TEDDY: Yeah, I'm totally fine.

569
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:03,429
SHELBY: I'm really hyped.

570
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:04,906
I think it's gonna be
the perfect house for us.

571
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:06,074
NORA: Yeah,
I'm so excited, you guys.

572
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,350
TEDDY: It's gonna be good.

573
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:09,189
I'll see you guys soon.
NORA: Thank you.

574
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,352
SHELBY: Thanks.

575
00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:11,437
Is that Teddy Sanders?

576
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,147
Oh, shit. Oh, no.
Who are they?

577
00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:14,607
GO, go!
Guys. go-

578
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:16,490
Go, get out of here.
I'll explain later, okay?

579
00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:19,036
Mac! Kelly! Hey,
Yo!

580
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,196
What's going on?

581
00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:21,363
What's going on, man?

582
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,119
What are you guys doing here?

583
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:25,201
You live here. Yeah, of course.
Who are they?

584
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,456
Don't worry about them.

585
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:27,536
Okay.

586
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,042
So, I see you guys are moving?

587
00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:30,457
Moving on up, yeah.
(CHUCKLING)

588
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:31,715
Well, heck. (CHUCKLES)

589
00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:33,685
You could have done that
when I was living here.

590
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,211
That would have been nice.
(CHUCKLING)

591
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:36,879
Yeah, I know. Just
weren't ready yet.

592
00:21:37,213 --> 00:21:39,557
I have a criminal record
now because of you guys.

593
00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:42,305
(LAUGHS) Look out.

594
00:21:42,468 --> 00:21:44,937
No, for real. Like,
it's hard to get jobs.

595
00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:47,157
So, it's been really tough.

596
00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:48,450
So, what are you
doing here? Buddy.

597
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:49,701
Yeah, what brings
you to the hood?

598
00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:51,227
You guys will
find out soon enough.

599
00:21:51,393 --> 00:21:52,394
What does that mean?
Huh?

600
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:54,151
Don't worry about it.
It's cool.

601
00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:56,907
It's good to see you guys.
Kind of missed you.

602
00:21:57,066 --> 00:21:58,067
See you soon.

603
00:21:58,609 --> 00:21:59,826
MAC: All right. See ya.

604
00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:16,260
<i>SHELBY: Yo. You wanna rush
the coolest sorority ever?</i>

605
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:17,587
<i>This is the one.</i>

606
00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:21,098
<i>ALL: Kappa Nu
welcomes you.</i>

607
00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:22,766
(MUSIC PLAYING)

608
00:22:37,106 --> 00:22:38,653
(ALL WHOOPING)

609
00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:42,995
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
What the hell?

610
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:45,452
KELLY: Oh.

611
00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:48,034
There's people there.

612
00:22:48,117 --> 00:22:49,664
Somebody move in?

613
00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:52,083
Excuse me, ladies.
Excuse me. (CHUCKLES)

614
00:22:52,538 --> 00:22:54,131
Hi.
Hi.

615
00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:55,753
(MUTTERING)
What the fuck?

616
00:22:55,833 --> 00:22:57,585
What's happening here?

617
00:22:57,668 --> 00:22:59,636
"Kappa Nu. Wants you."
What the fuck?

618
00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:01,680
Hi! We're your neighbours.
Hi. Hello!

619
00:23:01,755 --> 00:23:02,755
SHELBY: Oh, hi.

620
00:23:02,798 --> 00:23:04,596
Mac and Kelly.
Hi, I'm Kelly.

621
00:23:04,675 --> 00:23:07,394
Are your parents around
or something like that?

622
00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:08,770
Oh, no, no, no.

623
00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:10,556
Meet the girls of Kappa Nu.

624
00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:12,103
What's that then?

625
00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:13,601
It's our sorority.

626
00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:20,658
ALL: Hi, neighbours!

627
00:23:21,358 --> 00:23:23,702
Do you want
a beer or a mocktail?

628
00:23:23,861 --> 00:23:25,579
Like a mommy mocktail?
Congratulations.

629
00:23:25,738 --> 00:23:27,035
Oh, sure.
I'll take a mocktail.

630
00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:29,036
Get this woman a mocktail.
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)

631
00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:30,413
Great. Thank you.

632
00:23:30,492 --> 00:23:32,494
Shelby will get them for you.
Thank you.

633
00:23:32,661 --> 00:23:34,129
Thanks a lot.

634
00:23:34,538 --> 00:23:36,381
What the fuck?
What are we gonna do?

635
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:37,917
I don't fucking know.

636
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,469
The buyers are not gonna
want to live next to a house

637
00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:41,838
with a fucking sorority in it.

638
00:23:42,004 --> 00:23:43,231
No, no. ls now a good
time to freak out?

639
00:23:43,255 --> 00:23:44,455
Should I freak out?
No, no, no.

640
00:23:44,548 --> 00:23:45,984
Should I start screaming?
Come on. No, no.

641
00:23:46,008 --> 00:23:47,726
Okay, look.

642
00:23:47,843 --> 00:23:49,641
We've just gotta
convince them to chill.

643
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,722
We just need them
to behave themselves.

644
00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:53,325
We just ask them not to
party while we're escrow.

645
00:23:53,349 --> 00:23:54,350
We'll be fine.

646
00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:56,777
As soon as we're not escrow,
go fucking apeshit.

647
00:23:57,019 --> 00:23:58,066
Hey. guys.

648
00:23:58,187 --> 00:23:59,689
Hey.
What's up?

649
00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:02,366
Um, can we have a quick chat
with you guys for a second?

650
00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:04,443
We kind of had
a question for you guys.

651
00:24:04,610 --> 00:24:06,908
You see, we live next door,
we just sold our house,

652
00:24:06,987 --> 00:24:09,035
and we're escrowing
for the next 30 days.

653
00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:12,459
And, basically, if anything
happens that spooks those buyers,

654
00:24:12,534 --> 00:24:16,380
they'll pull out of the deal, and
we'll own two homes and be fucked.

655
00:24:16,538 --> 00:24:20,714
KELLY: So it'd just be great if
you could be mellow and low-key,

656
00:24:20,876 --> 00:24:23,880
and just basically not party
for 30 days- And that's it.

657
00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:25,148
Then we'll be gone.
You go crazy.

658
00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:26,358
We'll be out of
your hair. Yeah.

659
00:24:26,382 --> 00:24:27,383
Urn...

660
00:24:28,342 --> 00:24:29,559
Well, here's the thing.

661
00:24:29,718 --> 00:24:34,565
A really big part of us creating
this sorority is because

662
00:24:34,807 --> 00:24:37,526
fraternities are
allowed to party

663
00:24:37,643 --> 00:24:40,362
and sororities are
not allowed to party.

664
00:24:40,521 --> 00:24:41,738
Really?
What?

665
00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:44,241
SHELBY: Yeah, so partying is
a really big deal for us.

666
00:24:44,525 --> 00:24:46,402
And you guys have
a daughter, I'm sure

667
00:24:46,527 --> 00:24:48,404
you'd want her to have
equal rights <i>as</i> guys.

668
00:24:49,321 --> 00:24:53,622
As a man, I could not
agree with you more,

669
00:24:53,742 --> 00:24:56,837
and could not
support your cause more.

670
00:24:56,912 --> 00:25:00,166
I think my wife has
some thoughts though

671
00:25:00,249 --> 00:25:02,843
on maybe why you guys could
approach this differently.

672
00:25:03,085 --> 00:25:04,257
Kelly.
What?

673
00:25:05,295 --> 00:25:06,342
Take it.

674
00:25:07,423 --> 00:25:09,175
Ladies, we can come
to some sort of

675
00:25:09,258 --> 00:25:11,101
compromise here, can't we?

676
00:25:11,176 --> 00:25:13,554
I'm sure maybe...
No means no!

677
00:25:13,929 --> 00:25:14,930
'Sup, neighbours?

678
00:25:15,139 --> 00:25:16,186
Teddy?

679
00:25:16,265 --> 00:25:17,517
Welcome to soon enough.

680
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:19,852
What does that mean?

681
00:25:20,102 --> 00:25:21,524
You don't remember
when I told you

682
00:25:21,645 --> 00:25:23,067
that you'd find out soon enough?

683
00:25:23,689 --> 00:25:25,569
I think a lot of this
is going on in your head-.

684
00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:27,234
I'm mentoring this sorority.

685
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:28,656
Why?
That's a thing?

686
00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:29,778
Yes, it's a thing.

687
00:25:29,903 --> 00:25:30,950
Why are you doing that?

688
00:25:31,113 --> 00:25:33,491
I don't know.
Why do butterflies fly?

689
00:25:33,574 --> 00:25:34,666
To drink nectar.

690
00:25:35,409 --> 00:25:38,162
I don't know why things do
what they do, but what I do

691
00:25:38,537 --> 00:25:41,791
is facilitate the act of
partying in this house.

692
00:25:41,957 --> 00:25:42,958
What?

693
00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:44,839
So let's rage!

694
00:25:45,127 --> 00:25:46,629
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

695
00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:48,638
(ALL CHEERING)

696
00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:52,142
Missed you guys.

697
00:25:54,970 --> 00:25:57,393
<i>TEDDY: These are the rules for
a successful sorority.</i>

698
00:25:57,473 --> 00:25:58,474
<i>Rule number one.</i>

699
00:25:58,682 --> 00:26:01,481
<i>Use these money buckets
to keep track of your cash.</i>

700
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,484
<i>Five buckets a month
equals house rent.</i>

701
00:26:04,772 --> 00:26:05,819
<i>Rule number two.</i>

702
00:26:06,315 --> 00:26:09,159
<i>Keep getting pledges and you
can dress them up like idiots.</i>

703
00:26:10,319 --> 00:26:11,696
Minions! Minions!

704
00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:13,948
MAC: They got a hilarious
army of fucking Minions.

705
00:26:14,156 --> 00:26:15,876
I love Minions, and now
I have to hate them.

706
00:26:15,949 --> 00:26:17,509
They're making me
hate something I love.

707
00:26:19,453 --> 00:26:20,454
(SHRIEKING)

708
00:26:21,663 --> 00:26:24,166
<i>TEDDY: Rule number three.
Throw the type of parties</i>

709
00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:26,001
<i>that show what you
guys are all about.</i>

710
00:26:26,085 --> 00:26:27,678
Hillary Clinton.

711
00:26:27,753 --> 00:26:30,723
Joan of Arc orders
you to pass the joint.

712
00:26:30,964 --> 00:26:32,432
First Lady Hillary Clinton?

713
00:26:32,591 --> 00:26:34,184
Or Senator Hillary Clinton?

714
00:26:34,301 --> 00:26:35,803
Or future President
Hillary Clinton?

715
00:26:36,595 --> 00:26:38,723
Oprah, we're out of beer.

716
00:26:38,806 --> 00:26:40,854
Everybody look under their chairs.
(ALL GASPING)

717
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,853
You're all getting beer!

718
00:26:44,853 --> 00:26:48,278
You get a beer, you get
a beer, you get a beer.

719
00:26:48,524 --> 00:26:49,867
I love you, Oprah.

720
00:26:50,025 --> 00:26:51,493
Could you please be quiet?

721
00:26:51,652 --> 00:26:53,370
MAC: Shut up!
KELLY: Shut up!

722
00:26:53,570 --> 00:26:54,867
(GIRLS CRYING)

723
00:26:56,448 --> 00:26:58,246
<i>I cannot tell you
how thankful I am...</i>

724
00:27:00,953 --> 00:27:02,955
<i>I love you so much.</i>

725
00:27:03,705 --> 00:27:04,706
(MOUTHING)

726
00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:12,173
TEDDY: It's not fair!
They're too young!

727
00:27:12,881 --> 00:27:14,633
(GIRLS CHEERING)

728
00:27:18,679 --> 00:27:19,896
KELLY: Why don't
they shut up!

729
00:27:20,055 --> 00:27:21,375
MAC: Just stop it!
KELLY: Stop it!

730
00:27:21,473 --> 00:27:22,520
KELLY: Shut up!

731
00:27:22,599 --> 00:27:26,524
(ALL SINGING)

732
00:27:34,194 --> 00:27:35,195
MAC: Please.
Please!

733
00:27:35,279 --> 00:27:36,548
We're begging you!
All right, listen.

734
00:27:36,572 --> 00:27:40,167
I cannot shut down a sorority that's
trying to become independent.

735
00:27:40,242 --> 00:27:41,243
Why not?

736
00:27:41,326 --> 00:27:43,328
It's a PR nightmare.

737
00:27:43,412 --> 00:27:44,664
What's the nightmare?

738
00:27:44,746 --> 00:27:45,747
CAROL: For example,

739
00:27:45,831 --> 00:27:49,335
"Sexist female dean
shuts down sorority."

740
00:27:50,419 --> 00:27:52,421
That is reverse sexism.

741
00:27:52,588 --> 00:27:54,090
Which is, in and of itself,

742
00:27:54,173 --> 00:27:55,390
a sexist thing to do.

743
00:27:55,591 --> 00:27:58,936
There's no such thing as
reverse sexism, Mr. White Man.

744
00:27:59,845 --> 00:28:01,768
Oh, okay. Hey, don't
talk to me like that,

745
00:28:01,847 --> 00:28:03,019
because I am Jewish.

746
00:28:03,098 --> 00:28:04,099
I am a minority.

747
00:28:04,224 --> 00:28:06,602
Well, less of you.
Like Labradoodles.

748
00:28:06,685 --> 00:28:07,777
Okay.

749
00:28:07,936 --> 00:28:10,780
Look, if they get three strikes
they have to shut down, right?

750
00:28:10,939 --> 00:28:12,979
As far as I'm concerned,
they have infinite strikes.

751
00:28:13,108 --> 00:28:15,452
I see we're playing outside
the rules of the system,

752
00:28:15,611 --> 00:28:17,739
so why don't we go to Plan B?

753
00:28:17,905 --> 00:28:22,376
Here's a little something
to change your mind.

754
00:28:22,993 --> 00:28:24,336
Mmm.

755
00:28:27,122 --> 00:28:28,749
Do we have a deal, chancellor?

756
00:28:28,832 --> 00:28:29,833
No.

757
00:28:29,917 --> 00:28:31,294
You know what, fuck you!

758
00:28:31,376 --> 00:28:32,593
Unleash the hounds, sweetie.

759
00:28:32,753 --> 00:28:34,881
That's how you talk
in front of your daughter?

760
00:28:35,047 --> 00:28:36,441
MAC: Oh, I think we know
how to be parents.

761
00:28:36,465 --> 00:28:38,843
She's a baby, She doesn't
retain any of that shit.

762
00:28:38,926 --> 00:28:40,394
Well, yes she will.
No, she doesn't.

763
00:28:40,469 --> 00:28:41,470
Watch.

764
00:28:41,803 --> 00:28:43,430
Fuck, fuck, fuck.

765
00:28:43,597 --> 00:28:44,644
Fuck.

766
00:28:45,724 --> 00:28:47,818
What's she watching on her iPad?
Goodfellas.

767
00:28:48,018 --> 00:28:49,895
Ha, ha, ha.
Jokes on you.

768
00:28:49,978 --> 00:28:51,821
I don't know what she's
watching on that iPad.

769
00:28:52,272 --> 00:28:53,319
(IMITATES SIZZLING)

770
00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:54,645
KELLY: What are
we gonna do?

771
00:28:54,775 --> 00:28:55,992
We have an inspection soon.

772
00:28:56,151 --> 00:28:58,279
The buyers could literally
drive by at any moment,

773
00:28:58,362 --> 00:28:59,989
say, "Oh, the house
has a few leaks,

774
00:29:00,072 --> 00:29:01,745
"and there's 20
fucking psychopathic

775
00:29:01,823 --> 00:29:03,166
"teenagers living
next door."

776
00:29:03,283 --> 00:29:04,580
We're gonna have two houses.

777
00:29:04,660 --> 00:29:05,845
And then we'll have no houses.

778
00:29:05,869 --> 00:29:07,121
And then we're screwed.

779
00:29:07,246 --> 00:29:08,247
We're totally screwed.

780
00:29:08,330 --> 00:29:09,673
Hi, sweetie. Hi, baby.
Hey.

781
00:29:09,831 --> 00:29:10,934
We just got to get rid of them.

782
00:29:10,958 --> 00:29:12,101
I couldn't talk to those girls.

783
00:29:12,125 --> 00:29:13,311
No. We had middle
ground with the guys.

784
00:29:13,335 --> 00:29:14,461
We could talk to the guys.

785
00:29:14,544 --> 00:29:15,921
Yes!
They look at us like

786
00:29:16,004 --> 00:29:17,941
it was like their grandparents
walked into that house.

787
00:29:17,965 --> 00:29:20,514
Right? Stella is not gonna
turn out like that.

788
00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:21,593
No.
No.

789
00:29:21,677 --> 00:29:23,304
She'll be our best
friend forever-Yeah.

790
00:29:23,428 --> 00:29:25,396
She loves talking to us.
Yeah. We're a team.

791
00:29:25,472 --> 00:29:26,564
Right, Stella?

792
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:28,483
Come over here, Stella.
Come here.

793
00:29:28,558 --> 00:29:29,935
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

794
00:29:30,769 --> 00:29:32,191
Honey, wanna come over here?

795
00:29:32,271 --> 00:29:35,024
(WHISPERS) What the fuck? What
the fuck is wrong with her?

796
00:29:35,732 --> 00:29:37,700
Play with your toy, sweetie.
Play with your toy.

797
00:29:37,776 --> 00:29:39,629
Just keep playing with your toy.
Give him a kiss.

798
00:29:39,653 --> 00:29:41,496
You know who kids listen to?

799
00:29:41,697 --> 00:29:43,825
Their parents. Celebrities.
Their parents.

800
00:29:45,701 --> 00:29:46,827
What's up...

801
00:29:46,994 --> 00:29:48,337
Hey, Dad!

802
00:29:48,453 --> 00:29:49,454
You started a sorority?

803
00:29:49,538 --> 00:29:50,848
You're supposed to
be living in the dorm,

804
00:29:50,872 --> 00:29:53,000
not in some old
dilapidated mansion!

805
00:29:53,083 --> 00:29:54,130
This is what you want?

806
00:29:54,209 --> 00:29:56,229
You wanna live like some
sort of a drifter murderer?

807
00:29:56,253 --> 00:29:57,550
I can do whatever I want here.

808
00:29:57,713 --> 00:29:58,856
Dad, that's the
point of college.

809
00:29:58,880 --> 00:29:59,927
I'm my own parent.

810
00:30:00,007 --> 00:30:01,975
When did you start
talking like Eminem?

811
00:30:02,050 --> 00:30:04,178
I'm gonna talk like this.
I'm gonna talk like that.

812
00:30:04,344 --> 00:30:05,470
This is ridiculous!

813
00:30:05,554 --> 00:30:07,181
Look at that pizza,
how old is that?

814
00:30:07,264 --> 00:30:09,187
The cheese is moldy on that.

815
00:30:09,391 --> 00:30:10,517
SHELBY: Cheese is mold.

816
00:30:10,726 --> 00:30:12,228
I can eat it,
whenever I want it.

817
00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:14,188
God, have you
inherited my stupid gene?

818
00:30:14,271 --> 00:30:15,272
Look at you.

819
00:30:15,355 --> 00:30:16,995
So you get to be just
as dumb as boys now?

820
00:30:17,065 --> 00:30:18,317
Is that what you learned here?

821
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:19,627
You are going back to the dorm!

822
00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:21,528
No! This is where
I chose to live.

823
00:30:21,611 --> 00:30:23,454
It is only Kappa Nu.

824
00:30:27,075 --> 00:30:29,544
Looks like my
little girl's growing up.

825
00:30:31,830 --> 00:30:32,922
Thanks, Dad.

826
00:30:33,874 --> 00:30:37,845
I can buy your girlfriends and
you some brunch, if you want?

827
00:30:38,003 --> 00:30:39,255
I kind of need some new jeans.

828
00:30:39,379 --> 00:30:40,596
Oh, we can go shopping then.

829
00:30:40,756 --> 00:30:42,008
Yeah, cool.

830
00:30:43,258 --> 00:30:44,818
How did it go? Yeah.
They gonna be cool?

831
00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:46,070
Did you punish them or whatever?

832
00:30:46,094 --> 00:30:48,517
I tried my best, but
there's nothing I can do.

833
00:30:48,597 --> 00:30:49,598
What do you mean?
What?

834
00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:50,682
Ah. You'll know.

835
00:30:50,766 --> 00:30:52,234
When they're two
years old, you can

836
00:30:52,351 --> 00:30:53,870
get them to do
almost anything you want.

837
00:30:53,894 --> 00:30:56,094
Get a little bit older, and
it's harder to control them.

838
00:30:56,229 --> 00:30:58,652
I do not understand
a word she says.

839
00:30:59,066 --> 00:31:01,740
But it was good to see her.

840
00:31:01,902 --> 00:31:04,576
(CRYING) The house is so quiet without her.
KELLY: Oh...

841
00:31:06,948 --> 00:31:07,949
(SNIFFLES)

842
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:09,201
I'm fine.

843
00:31:09,576 --> 00:31:10,577
Gosh.

844
00:31:11,078 --> 00:31:12,295
Beautiful child.

845
00:31:13,872 --> 00:31:14,873
Can I hold her?

846
00:31:14,956 --> 00:31:17,630
No, no, no. That's okay.
That's great.

847
00:31:18,001 --> 00:31:19,878
Is that a dildo
dressed as a princess?

848
00:31:20,170 --> 00:31:24,220
Nope. That is a popular children's
cartoon character of today.

849
00:31:26,051 --> 00:31:27,644
MAC: Thank you
for trying.

850
00:31:27,803 --> 00:31:28,850
(GIRLS CLEAR THROATS)

851
00:31:28,929 --> 00:31:30,226
BETH: Hey, meanies!
NORA: Hi!

852
00:31:30,389 --> 00:31:31,732
You called my parents?

853
00:31:32,099 --> 00:31:33,476
Yes, we did call your parents.

854
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:34,977
Yes. We did.
We actually did.

855
00:31:35,060 --> 00:31:36,061
Oh, really?

856
00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:37,980
It's 30 days!
It's just 30 days!

857
00:31:38,146 --> 00:31:40,240
It's 30 days! Then
we won't be escrow!

858
00:31:40,315 --> 00:31:42,693
Then we'll be out of your hair!
It's 30 fucking days.

859
00:31:42,776 --> 00:31:44,574
It's all we're asking for.

860
00:31:44,778 --> 00:31:45,825
It's on.

861
00:31:45,987 --> 00:31:47,239
No, no, no.
No.

862
00:31:47,322 --> 00:31:49,074
Nothing's on.
Why would it be on?

863
00:31:49,157 --> 00:31:51,000
No, it's on. But we're
turning it off.

864
00:31:51,159 --> 00:31:53,388
If we turned it on, we can turn it off.
Can we just turn it off?

865
00:31:53,412 --> 00:31:54,413
It's on.

866
00:31:55,163 --> 00:31:56,164
(GIRLS WHOOPING)

867
00:31:56,456 --> 00:31:59,084
GIRLS: Hey, Mac!
Hey, Mac!

868
00:32:01,169 --> 00:32:03,672
Great! I see more
of you have moved in.

869
00:32:03,797 --> 00:32:04,798
(GIRLS CHEERING)

870
00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:07,680
This is private property.
You're trespassing.

871
00:32:07,843 --> 00:32:09,186
Hey, Mac.

872
00:32:09,344 --> 00:32:11,597
Looks like Beth needs some
suntan lotion on her.

873
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:12,977
MAC: I think
she's okay.

874
00:32:13,056 --> 00:32:14,854
Leave me alone.
You're not going.

875
00:32:16,309 --> 00:32:17,777
(CHEERING CONTINUES)

876
00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:19,426
(YELLING) Where am I? (SCREAMS)

877
00:32:19,896 --> 00:32:20,897
(TIRES SCREECHING)

878
00:32:24,192 --> 00:32:25,364
(PANTING)

879
00:32:25,444 --> 00:32:26,616
Oh, no.

880
00:32:26,695 --> 00:32:27,912
I killed a girl!

881
00:32:29,030 --> 00:32:30,657
I'm on painkillers,
motherfucker!

882
00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:31,787
Kappa Nu!

883
00:32:33,201 --> 00:32:35,374
What the fuck is wrong with you?

884
00:32:36,663 --> 00:32:37,664
(GROANING)

885
00:32:38,165 --> 00:32:40,384
MAC: Get away! Go away!

886
00:32:44,379 --> 00:32:46,006
Get out of here, you animals!

887
00:32:46,131 --> 00:32:47,633
MAC: This isn't working!

888
00:32:47,757 --> 00:32:49,350
You're only making them sexier!

889
00:32:51,553 --> 00:32:55,148
I don't like it!
I don't like it!

890
00:32:55,348 --> 00:32:56,349
(POUNDING ON GLASS)

891
00:32:57,225 --> 00:32:58,898
What the hell was that?
Was that a bird?

892
00:33:00,729 --> 00:33:02,356
(POUNDING CONTINUES)

893
00:33:04,441 --> 00:33:06,193
What the hell is that?

894
00:33:10,030 --> 00:33:11,077
Oh, no!

895
00:33:11,198 --> 00:33:12,245
KELLY: Oh, God! Tampons!

896
00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:13,408
Oh, that's filthy!

897
00:33:13,533 --> 00:33:14,750
Stop it, you animals!

898
00:33:15,243 --> 00:33:16,745
Get off! Stop it!
Oh!

899
00:33:16,912 --> 00:33:18,038
Oh, my God! Mac!

900
00:33:18,413 --> 00:33:20,040
The other window is open!

901
00:33:21,708 --> 00:33:22,925
(GROANS)

902
00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:25,508
That was really funny!

903
00:33:25,587 --> 00:33:27,510
Where'd you guys get
so much fake blood?

904
00:33:27,589 --> 00:33:29,341
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, from our vaginas.

905
00:33:29,424 --> 00:33:30,425
That was real?

906
00:33:30,509 --> 00:33:33,058
Yeah, it was our uterine
wall sloughing off.

907
00:33:33,386 --> 00:33:34,933
You just threw...

908
00:33:35,096 --> 00:33:37,269
That was really gross.

909
00:33:38,934 --> 00:33:40,777
Ugh. Why'd
you do that?

910
00:33:40,852 --> 00:33:42,695
That was way over the line.

911
00:33:42,854 --> 00:33:44,356
Whoa. That's,
like, super sexist.

912
00:33:44,439 --> 00:33:46,191
It was really fucking funny.

913
00:33:46,358 --> 00:33:47,405
You would've been like,

914
00:33:47,484 --> 00:33:49,378
(IMITATES TEDDY) "It's so funny,"
if it was a bag of dicks-

915
00:33:49,402 --> 00:33:51,325
"Look, it's a bag of
dicks on the window!"

916
00:33:51,404 --> 00:33:52,621
No, that...

917
00:33:52,739 --> 00:33:54,116
(EXHALES)

918
00:33:54,282 --> 00:33:55,283
(CHUCKLES)

919
00:33:56,451 --> 00:33:58,078
A bag of dicks.

920
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:00,417
(TEDDY CHUCKLING)

921
00:34:01,790 --> 00:34:03,792
Yeah, you got me.
That's funny.

922
00:34:04,668 --> 00:34:05,965
A bag of dicks.

923
00:34:07,963 --> 00:34:09,931
Here's the deal.
First inspection, tomorrow.

924
00:34:10,090 --> 00:34:11,888
We need help-We have
to get rid of the girls

925
00:34:12,008 --> 00:34:13,736
tomorrow, from the house,
between 10:00 and 5:00.

926
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:14,760
Exactly.

927
00:34:14,803 --> 00:34:17,852
If our home owners see these
girls, our escrowment's gonna end.

928
00:34:17,931 --> 00:34:19,158
And these girls are fucked, man.

929
00:34:19,182 --> 00:34:20,368
They're from
another fucking planet.

930
00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:21,827
KELLY: Yeah. They're
worse than the guys.

931
00:34:21,851 --> 00:34:24,320
Look. Brainstorming
sesh starting now.

932
00:34:24,646 --> 00:34:26,648
Guys, a play on a classic.

933
00:34:26,815 --> 00:34:28,488
We "hoes before bros" them.

934
00:34:28,650 --> 00:34:29,742
No, no, no.

935
00:34:29,901 --> 00:34:31,003
No. That's not gonna work. Why?

936
00:34:31,027 --> 00:34:33,029
Because you put hoes before bros.
Always. Yeah.

937
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,299
It worked with the guys. Why
won't it work with the girls?

938
00:34:35,323 --> 00:34:37,291
Because girls are
much smarter than guys!

939
00:34:37,450 --> 00:34:38,576
That is sexist!

940
00:34:38,743 --> 00:34:40,495
That's not sexist.
MAC: What is it?

941
00:34:40,662 --> 00:34:42,130
Not when it's against guys.

942
00:34:42,205 --> 00:34:43,331
That's not sexist.

943
00:34:43,498 --> 00:34:45,000
I don't even know what's sexist.

944
00:34:45,166 --> 00:34:46,418
Hey, men's rights.

945
00:34:46,585 --> 00:34:48,007
No, fuck you!

946
00:34:48,169 --> 00:34:49,647
KELLY: Are you okay?
Why are you itching?

947
00:34:49,671 --> 00:34:50,718
What's wrong with you?

948
00:34:50,797 --> 00:34:52,149
MAC: Did you get poison
oak or something?

949
00:34:52,173 --> 00:34:53,299
Here's the deal.

950
00:34:54,134 --> 00:34:55,135
We got bedbugs.

951
00:34:55,218 --> 00:34:56,845
No! Gross!
(YELLS) Oh, my God!

952
00:34:56,928 --> 00:34:57,989
I'm sorry. I come
to this restaurant.

953
00:34:58,013 --> 00:34:59,156
I don't wanna be embarrassed.

954
00:34:59,180 --> 00:35:00,491
That's even worse!
Don't embarrass us!

955
00:35:00,515 --> 00:35:01,607
<i>It's gross!</i>

956
00:35:01,683 --> 00:35:03,661
Hey, it's fine, okay? We're
dealing with the problem.

957
00:35:03,685 --> 00:35:05,805
We tented our house. We have
to be out for three days.

958
00:35:09,649 --> 00:35:12,448
JIMMY: This is such a good idea.
These clothes have so many bedbugs.

959
00:35:12,527 --> 00:35:14,171
MAC: Just shut up, we just
gotta infest them fast!

960
00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:15,631
Here's some more pledges.
They're bedbugs!

961
00:35:15,655 --> 00:35:16,655
Boom!

962
00:35:16,698 --> 00:35:17,758
JIMMY: These are
my best pants!

963
00:35:17,782 --> 00:35:18,843
MAC: I don't care about
your fucking pants.

964
00:35:18,867 --> 00:35:20,744
All I care about is bedbugs.
Get it in. Hurry.

965
00:35:20,827 --> 00:35:22,907
It's so hot in here. Can't
see in this fucking thing.

966
00:35:23,038 --> 00:35:24,307
JIMMY: That sheet has
so many bedbugs.

967
00:35:24,331 --> 00:35:26,709
MAC: I feel them!
I can feel them! Get it off!

968
00:35:26,791 --> 00:35:27,883
JIMMY: Oh, my God!

969
00:35:28,209 --> 00:35:29,506
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

970
00:35:32,547 --> 00:35:34,220
Hello, hello!

971
00:35:34,382 --> 00:35:36,805
We're entering!
Put on your clothes!

972
00:35:36,968 --> 00:35:37,969
Hi!
Hi!

973
00:35:38,136 --> 00:35:39,888
Welcome!
Hello.

974
00:35:40,055 --> 00:35:41,682
Great! Good to
see you guys!

975
00:35:41,848 --> 00:35:43,117
Good to see you again.
Welcome back!

976
00:35:43,141 --> 00:35:44,518
The place looks great.
Yes.

977
00:35:44,726 --> 00:35:46,228
I brought my boyfriend by.
(CHUCKLES)

978
00:35:46,394 --> 00:35:48,738
Just kidding. It's the mold
inspector, the old mold king.

979
00:35:48,897 --> 00:35:50,458
You don't think there's
actually mold here, do you?

980
00:35:50,482 --> 00:35:53,736
We kind of smelled a little something
weird when we were here before.

981
00:35:53,902 --> 00:35:54,962
Just wanted to
double-check.

982
00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:56,078
Why not, right?
Yeah.

983
00:35:56,571 --> 00:35:57,571
Great!
Cool.

984
00:35:57,614 --> 00:35:58,866
That's why we're here.

985
00:35:58,990 --> 00:36:00,343
What's going on
over there, by the way?

986
00:36:00,367 --> 00:36:01,368
New tenants?

987
00:36:01,534 --> 00:36:03,036
Yes, a new family
moved in next door

988
00:36:03,161 --> 00:36:04,722
and they're just doing
a little fumigating.

989
00:36:04,746 --> 00:36:06,999
Very nice, quiet, lovely family.

990
00:36:07,123 --> 00:36:08,124
Family, huh?

991
00:36:08,208 --> 00:36:10,688
It must be pretty big. That place
is huge, like eight bedrooms.

992
00:36:10,752 --> 00:36:11,753
It is.
It is.

993
00:36:11,836 --> 00:36:14,259
This is a very religious family.

994
00:36:14,339 --> 00:36:16,842
They're Jewish,
and they're lovely.

995
00:36:16,925 --> 00:36:18,552
Yeah, why did you
just do... You know?

996
00:36:18,802 --> 00:36:19,928
Anyway, they're lovely.

997
00:36:20,136 --> 00:36:22,434
I think there they
are now, actually.

998
00:36:22,514 --> 00:36:24,733
Look! It's our Jewish neighbours.
KELLY: Oh, hello-

999
00:36:24,891 --> 00:36:26,438
Proof they actually exist.

1000
00:36:29,229 --> 00:36:30,230
And she's pregnant.

1001
00:36:30,397 --> 00:36:32,445
Got another
little Jew in the oven.

1002
00:36:35,276 --> 00:36:36,379
Why don't we start
the mold inspection?

1003
00:36:36,403 --> 00:36:37,403
Come into your house.

1004
00:36:37,445 --> 00:36:38,867
Come on in.
Come into your home.

1005
00:36:38,947 --> 00:36:40,699
Why don't we start in your kitchen?
Yes.

1006
00:36:40,782 --> 00:36:41,829
This place is weird.

1007
00:36:41,908 --> 00:36:43,000
Yeah.

1008
00:36:43,243 --> 00:36:45,621
(VOCALIZING FOLK MUSIC)

1009
00:36:51,126 --> 00:36:52,799
Uh, Teddy, where are
you gonna be staying?

1010
00:36:53,962 --> 00:36:55,464
Uh, right now?

1011
00:36:55,630 --> 00:36:57,430
I'm helping a bunch of
girls build a sorority.

1012
00:36:57,590 --> 00:36:58,910
They're moving
into our old house,

1013
00:36:58,967 --> 00:37:00,527
so I'll probably
just move in with them.

1014
00:37:01,219 --> 00:37:02,846
It's a big step forward for me.

1015
00:37:05,056 --> 00:37:06,273
Okay.
Yeah.

1016
00:37:06,433 --> 00:37:07,730
That's super weird.

1017
00:37:07,809 --> 00:37:09,849
It's actually not weird.
It's actually super normal.

1018
00:37:10,228 --> 00:37:11,872
Whatever makes you
happy, right? (CHUCKLES)

1019
00:37:11,896 --> 00:37:13,614
Darren, can you
back the fuck off?

1020
00:37:13,773 --> 00:37:15,491
Whoa, whoa,
Teddy! Relax!

1021
00:37:15,734 --> 00:37:17,702
I finally found somewhere
that I'm good at,

1022
00:37:17,777 --> 00:37:19,074
where I'm valued!

1023
00:37:19,237 --> 00:37:20,317
You want to criticize that?

1024
00:37:20,488 --> 00:37:23,412
What I was saying is that
it's just a little weird

1025
00:37:23,491 --> 00:37:24,834
for a grown man to be helping

1026
00:37:24,909 --> 00:37:26,252
a bunch of girls
make a sorority.

1027
00:37:26,327 --> 00:37:27,555
Doesn't that sound crazy to you?

1028
00:37:27,579 --> 00:37:30,139
No... Did you know that sororities
don't have the right to party?

1029
00:37:30,415 --> 00:37:32,258
You know, there's no
legal right to party.

1030
00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:34,006
Yes, there is a legal
right to party...

1031
00:37:34,169 --> 00:37:35,796
Garf! Back me up, Garf.

1032
00:37:35,962 --> 00:37:37,022
Man, just leave me out of it.

1033
00:37:37,046 --> 00:37:38,047
Okay.

1034
00:37:38,131 --> 00:37:40,359
Look, I'm your best friend.
I'm just trying to be honest.

1035
00:37:40,383 --> 00:37:41,430
Oh, yeah?

1036
00:37:41,509 --> 00:37:42,601
Well, took you long enough.

1037
00:37:42,844 --> 00:37:44,004
What's that supposed to mean?

1038
00:37:44,179 --> 00:37:45,897
You didn't tell me
your biggest secret

1039
00:37:45,972 --> 00:37:47,690
through all of college, man!

1040
00:37:47,932 --> 00:37:50,435
Where is this even
coming from right now?

1041
00:37:50,518 --> 00:37:52,691
(STAMMERS)
You told Garf first!

1042
00:37:52,937 --> 00:37:54,735
He was bi-curious
most of sophomore year.

1043
00:37:54,814 --> 00:37:56,236
He was the logical
person to tell!

1044
00:37:56,316 --> 00:37:57,693
Sometimes you gotta suck a dick

1045
00:37:57,776 --> 00:37:59,296
to realize you
don't like sucking dick.

1046
00:38:00,528 --> 00:38:02,701
You're just mad
because you're fucking lost.

1047
00:38:02,864 --> 00:38:05,037
The rest of us,
we've moved forward.

1048
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:07,328
Garf's a cop, Scoonie's
got his own business,

1049
00:38:07,410 --> 00:38:08,912
I'm getting married.

1050
00:38:09,037 --> 00:38:10,880
And you're moving
into a fucking sorority.

1051
00:38:15,752 --> 00:38:16,799
You know what?

1052
00:38:16,878 --> 00:38:19,848
Those sisters are better brothers
to me than you ever were.

1053
00:38:20,548 --> 00:38:21,595
You're not my brother.

1054
00:38:22,050 --> 00:38:24,269
Don't say shit
you can't take back.

1055
00:38:24,552 --> 00:38:26,896
Bros before hoes.

1056
00:38:27,222 --> 00:38:28,724
Don't call them hoes.

1057
00:38:29,182 --> 00:38:30,934
That's not cool anymore.

1058
00:38:36,022 --> 00:38:37,990
All right, ladies,
we gotta talk finances.

1059
00:38:38,066 --> 00:38:39,534
Okay, it's really serious.

1060
00:38:39,609 --> 00:38:41,532
The fumigation took
so much of our money

1061
00:38:41,611 --> 00:38:42,922
that we're down to
two money buckets.

1062
00:38:42,946 --> 00:38:44,423
And I don't know what
we're gonna do about it.

1063
00:38:44,447 --> 00:38:46,575
Okay. What if we use our
Minions to make us money?

1064
00:38:46,658 --> 00:38:48,660
Oh, no. Their plates are
full cleaning the house.

1065
00:38:49,327 --> 00:38:50,749
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

1066
00:38:53,540 --> 00:38:54,541
Ahhh!

1067
00:38:55,500 --> 00:38:56,501
Maranda.

1068
00:38:56,668 --> 00:38:59,512
Doesn't your brother sell weed
on some farm outside of town?

1069
00:38:59,671 --> 00:39:01,014
Yeah, I did say that.

1070
00:39:01,172 --> 00:39:02,173
My brother, Daffodil.

1071
00:39:02,257 --> 00:39:05,602
Why don't we spend all of our
bucket money on Daffodil's weed

1072
00:39:05,677 --> 00:39:07,429
and sell it at
the tailgate this weekend?

1073
00:39:07,595 --> 00:39:09,063
NORA: Holy shit!
Fuck, yeah!

1074
00:39:09,222 --> 00:39:11,691
We can make it
rain on them hoes!

1075
00:39:11,850 --> 00:39:13,352
I love that idea!
We can make T-shirts

1076
00:39:13,434 --> 00:39:14,902
with glitter glue.
Kappa Nu.

1077
00:39:14,978 --> 00:39:16,776
It's not a good idea.
CHRISTINE: I like it.

1078
00:39:16,855 --> 00:39:18,698
It won't make enough money.
Excuse me?

1079
00:39:18,773 --> 00:39:20,334
Everyone at the tailgate's
gonna be selling weed.

1080
00:39:20,358 --> 00:39:21,359
NORA: I got it.

1081
00:39:21,442 --> 00:39:23,490
We're gonna corner
the market on weed

1082
00:39:23,570 --> 00:39:26,494
by ratting out every other
drug dealer in town.

1083
00:39:26,656 --> 00:39:28,624
That way Kappa Nu

1084
00:39:28,867 --> 00:39:31,996
is the only group selling
weed at the tailgate.

1085
00:39:32,078 --> 00:39:33,330
Fuck yes!

1086
00:39:33,413 --> 00:39:35,882
F you guys!
That shit's brilliant!

1087
00:39:35,957 --> 00:39:38,881
Guys, guys...
Guys, this is really risky.

1088
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:40,187
(SING SONG) We gonna sell...
GIRLS: Weed!

1089
00:39:40,211 --> 00:39:41,811
CHRISTINE: We gonna smoke...
GIRLS: Weed!

1090
00:39:41,921 --> 00:39:42,922
What we gonna sell?

1091
00:39:43,047 --> 00:39:44,048
GIRLS: Weed!

1092
00:39:44,132 --> 00:39:46,681
God damn it! God damn it!
God damn it!

1093
00:39:46,926 --> 00:39:49,429
You're acting like children.
You need to listen to me.

1094
00:39:49,637 --> 00:39:52,265
I've been down this road.
I know what I'm doing.

1095
00:39:52,515 --> 00:39:55,035
And I have some wisdom- And I feel
like I'm protecting you guys.

1096
00:39:55,101 --> 00:39:57,775
(TEDDY CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

1097
00:40:18,166 --> 00:40:19,167
Am I right?

1098
00:40:19,250 --> 00:40:22,720
Teddy. We just voted and we've
decided it's best for you if you go.

1099
00:40:23,254 --> 00:40:24,255
When?

1100
00:40:24,380 --> 00:40:25,632
Just now.

1101
00:40:25,715 --> 00:40:26,807
With our phones.

1102
00:40:26,966 --> 00:40:28,092
What? No.
(SHELBY SIGHS)

1103
00:40:28,176 --> 00:40:29,177
No.

1104
00:40:29,260 --> 00:40:30,762
No, you can't do this to me!

1105
00:40:30,970 --> 00:40:32,597
I thought we were sisters.

1106
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:34,307
We were supposed to be a team.

1107
00:40:34,390 --> 00:40:36,358
Why is this happening?
You can't do this to me!

1108
00:40:36,601 --> 00:40:38,274
(STAMMERS)
I quit my job!

1109
00:40:38,561 --> 00:40:40,063
Well, we didn't
tell you to do that.

1110
00:40:40,229 --> 00:40:42,106
I liquidated my 401 K for this.

1111
00:40:42,273 --> 00:40:43,399
What's a 401 K?

1112
00:40:43,566 --> 00:40:45,068
I don't know, now!

1113
00:40:45,193 --> 00:40:46,633
Look, I'm so happy
that you helped us

1114
00:40:46,736 --> 00:40:48,158
get to this place that we're in.

1115
00:40:48,237 --> 00:40:51,582
You really let us spread our
wings and fly as women.

1116
00:40:51,866 --> 00:40:52,913
This is all I have!

1117
00:40:53,159 --> 00:40:54,627
I thought we were
in this together.

1118
00:40:54,869 --> 00:40:57,213
You're not like us, dude.

1119
00:40:57,747 --> 00:40:59,294
You're an old person.

1120
00:41:00,166 --> 00:41:01,167
(EXHALES)

1121
00:41:03,211 --> 00:41:04,258
No, you're right.

1122
00:41:05,546 --> 00:41:07,298
I've been playing
for the wrong team.

1123
00:41:07,715 --> 00:41:09,183
(TEDDY BREATHES DEEPLY)

1124
00:41:09,926 --> 00:41:11,473
I'll be seeing you around.

1125
00:41:12,053 --> 00:41:13,646
(CHUCKLES) Okay.

1126
00:41:17,642 --> 00:41:21,272
I wasn't, like, too
harsh on him, was I?

1127
00:41:21,437 --> 00:41:24,611
No, no. You were fine.
You were great. You were good.

1128
00:41:25,441 --> 00:41:26,784
(EXHALES DEEPLY)

1129
00:41:27,110 --> 00:41:28,111
It's fine.

1130
00:41:28,695 --> 00:41:31,198
Well, now that Daddy's gone,

1131
00:41:31,489 --> 00:41:33,537
time to get feisty.

1132
00:41:34,450 --> 00:41:35,451
(CLEARS THROAT)

1133
00:41:36,995 --> 00:41:39,248
(IN PANICKED VOICE)
Hello? 9-1-1?

1134
00:41:39,414 --> 00:41:41,416
I need to report
three different addresses

1135
00:41:41,541 --> 00:41:43,509
that are currently
selling marijuana.

1136
00:41:43,668 --> 00:41:45,386
Yes, ganja.

1137
00:41:45,962 --> 00:41:49,307
Get on the fucking ground!

1138
00:41:49,465 --> 00:41:50,717
Put it in your mouth!

1139
00:41:50,883 --> 00:41:52,180
Yeah, you like it, don't you?

1140
00:41:52,343 --> 00:41:53,570
Watkins, what are
you doing, man?

1141
00:41:53,594 --> 00:41:55,517
This is your training day!
What's training day?

1142
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:57,057
This is your training day!

1143
00:41:57,432 --> 00:41:58,649
Get down!

1144
00:41:59,267 --> 00:42:00,268
(TASER CRACKLING)

1145
00:42:01,310 --> 00:42:02,311
(EXCLAIMING)

1146
00:42:02,603 --> 00:42:04,321
You're not in
the Academy anymore, private.

1147
00:42:06,274 --> 00:42:07,617
Oh, sorry.

1148
00:42:07,692 --> 00:42:10,866
Oh. You guys gotta come
to the precinct with us.

1149
00:42:11,029 --> 00:42:12,872
You ride in the car.
We got bottled water.

1150
00:42:13,031 --> 00:42:15,284
We'll stop at P.F. Chang's,
Chipotle, whatever you need.

1151
00:42:15,491 --> 00:42:17,789
Passing that mold
inspection was a miracle!

1152
00:42:18,119 --> 00:42:19,746
Praise be.
Yeah. No shit.

1153
00:42:19,912 --> 00:42:23,633
If they drive past here and
they see the girls, it's over.

1154
00:42:23,791 --> 00:42:25,436
The worst part of
this whole fucking thing,

1155
00:42:25,460 --> 00:42:26,895
I'm so stressed out,
all I want to do

1156
00:42:26,919 --> 00:42:28,216
is chill out and smoke a joint,

1157
00:42:28,379 --> 00:42:30,499
and my dealer doesn't have any weed.
He's fucking dry!

1158
00:42:30,548 --> 00:42:31,668
TEDDY: Good luck
finding any.

1159
00:42:31,758 --> 00:42:33,110
MAC: Jesus Christ, man!
KELLY: Whoa!

1160
00:42:33,134 --> 00:42:34,511
How the fuck did
you get in here?

1161
00:42:34,677 --> 00:42:35,917
None of that matters right now.

1162
00:42:36,054 --> 00:42:38,615
I want to help you guys stop that
sorority before it gets too late.

1163
00:42:38,639 --> 00:42:39,640
Really?

1164
00:42:39,807 --> 00:42:40,933
That's right.

1165
00:42:41,059 --> 00:42:42,060
I'm switching sides.

1166
00:42:42,769 --> 00:42:44,612
Nice! That's awesome! Cool!
Yes!

1167
00:42:44,771 --> 00:42:46,899
FYI, Kelly, I'm still down.

1168
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:48,817
(CHUCKLES)
Stop it.

1169
00:42:49,317 --> 00:42:50,677
Okay. I know
you're not gonna fuck.

1170
00:42:50,735 --> 00:42:52,032
It still hurts my feelings.

1171
00:42:52,111 --> 00:42:53,784
He's just having a joke.

1172
00:42:53,946 --> 00:42:55,823
Kappa Nu has cornered
the market on weed.

1173
00:42:55,990 --> 00:42:57,082
Oh, no!
Oh, God.

1174
00:42:57,241 --> 00:42:58,242
TEDDY: Oh, yes!

1175
00:42:58,409 --> 00:42:59,970
Until Monday, they are
the only purveyors

1176
00:42:59,994 --> 00:43:01,496
of weed in the greater
Ardendale area.

1177
00:43:01,662 --> 00:43:03,474
Holy shit! Do you think they'll
sell me some? Oh, my God-

1178
00:43:03,498 --> 00:43:05,375
No.
Fuck!

1179
00:43:05,458 --> 00:43:06,926
They have seven pounds of weed.

1180
00:43:07,001 --> 00:43:08,969
They can sell it for $50
a gram if they want to.

1181
00:43:09,045 --> 00:43:10,513
That's over $1,000 an ounce,

1182
00:43:10,588 --> 00:43:12,056
$16,000 a pound.

1183
00:43:12,131 --> 00:43:16,102
All said and done, if they move
it all, that's over $112,000.

1184
00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:17,728
Dude.
We should do this.

1185
00:43:17,804 --> 00:43:19,272
You're incredible at math.

1186
00:43:19,347 --> 00:43:21,270
Nah, I suck at math.
I'm good at weed.

1187
00:43:21,432 --> 00:43:22,433
It's the same thing.

1188
00:43:22,558 --> 00:43:24,185
No, this is weed.

1189
00:43:24,435 --> 00:43:26,413
Just pretend it's seven
pounds of meat, just try it.

1190
00:43:26,437 --> 00:43:27,939
Why would I even be buying meat?

1191
00:43:28,106 --> 00:43:29,232
I don't know.
You're hungry.

1192
00:43:29,398 --> 00:43:30,695
Are you talking burgers?

1193
00:43:30,775 --> 00:43:31,776
Steaks.

1194
00:43:31,943 --> 00:43:33,570
How much does a gram
of steak go for?

1195
00:43:33,736 --> 00:43:35,776
I don't know. Why would I
be selling grams of steak?

1196
00:43:35,822 --> 00:43:37,119
Fair enough.

1197
00:43:37,281 --> 00:43:39,158
Their plan is to sell
the weed at the tailgate.

1198
00:43:39,283 --> 00:43:41,001
And believe me,
that's enough for them

1199
00:43:41,077 --> 00:43:42,221
to stay in the house
through your escrow.

1200
00:43:42,245 --> 00:43:43,667
God.
What do we do?

1201
00:43:43,830 --> 00:43:46,150
If we steal their weed, they
won't be able to pay the rent.

1202
00:43:46,249 --> 00:43:47,726
All of the members
that they've recruited

1203
00:43:47,750 --> 00:43:49,127
will have to rush
other sororities,

1204
00:43:49,210 --> 00:43:50,211
and that will be that.

1205
00:43:50,378 --> 00:43:51,647
What's in this for you, bro?
Yeah.

1206
00:43:51,671 --> 00:43:54,424
Honestly, I just
want to be valued.

1207
00:43:54,590 --> 00:43:55,682
Well, it begs the question.

1208
00:43:55,758 --> 00:43:58,198
How the fuck are we supposed to beat them?
There's 15 of them!

1209
00:43:58,261 --> 00:44:00,480
No, they have 15 individuals.

1210
00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:02,356
They're not a cohesive unit.

1211
00:44:02,515 --> 00:44:05,359
They don't understand the most
important rule of sisterhood.

1212
00:44:05,518 --> 00:44:07,395
There's no "I" in sorority.

1213
00:44:07,562 --> 00:44:09,064
Yeah, there is.
There's two actually.

1214
00:44:09,230 --> 00:44:10,322
Actually, there's just one.

1215
00:44:10,439 --> 00:44:11,611
No, that's a "Y."

1216
00:44:11,774 --> 00:44:13,242
No, in the middle.
That's an

1217
00:44:13,401 --> 00:44:15,449
Two "I"s, straddling the "Y".

1218
00:44:15,611 --> 00:44:19,036
S-O-R-R-I-A-Y-O-R-I-T-Y.

1219
00:44:19,365 --> 00:44:20,366
What?

1220
00:44:20,449 --> 00:44:22,344
There's a "U" in there that
you guys are all missing.

1221
00:44:22,368 --> 00:44:27,920
S-O-R-R-I-R-O-I-T-I-T-Y.

1222
00:44:28,082 --> 00:44:30,176
Sorriroi-tity? KELLY:
That's how you spell it.

1223
00:44:30,334 --> 00:44:31,478
You think the "tity" is silent?

1224
00:44:31,502 --> 00:44:33,302
Look, we're all getting
sidetracked right now!

1225
00:44:33,671 --> 00:44:34,843
Guys, bottom line is

1226
00:44:35,006 --> 00:44:37,555
we need to figure out a way
to infiltrate that tailgate.

1227
00:44:37,967 --> 00:44:39,093
Tailgate?

1228
00:44:39,343 --> 00:44:40,344
Tailgate.

1229
00:44:40,720 --> 00:44:42,848
Tailgate.

1230
00:44:43,097 --> 00:44:44,098
(PEOPLE CHANTING)

1231
00:44:44,223 --> 00:44:45,224
ALL: Tailgate! Tailgate!

1232
00:44:47,351 --> 00:44:49,445
(MUSIC PLAYING)

1233
00:45:21,010 --> 00:45:22,011
High pie!

1234
00:45:22,178 --> 00:45:24,556
Yes, you.
Come on! Pot pie!

1235
00:45:24,722 --> 00:45:27,396
SHELBY: Weed for women!
It's only 20 bucks!

1236
00:45:27,558 --> 00:45:29,652
Kappa Nu weed.
It's charity weed.

1237
00:45:29,810 --> 00:45:30,936
NORA: High pie.

1238
00:45:31,062 --> 00:45:32,289
BETH: Come on!
It's just $20 a slice!

1239
00:45:32,313 --> 00:45:34,315
Come get your pie!
Pot pie, guys!

1240
00:45:36,484 --> 00:45:38,612
First off, you look
fucking horrifying.

1241
00:45:38,736 --> 00:45:40,579
What? It's a clown, man.
People love clowns.

1242
00:45:40,821 --> 00:45:42,869
(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)
Jesus fucking Christ!

1243
00:45:42,990 --> 00:45:43,991
Stop doing that!

1244
00:45:44,158 --> 00:45:45,918
Don't do that again.
Okay? I will give birth.

1245
00:45:45,993 --> 00:45:47,791
Guys, listen!
Here's the plan.

1246
00:45:47,954 --> 00:45:50,628
I'm gonna get up on stage
and I'm gonna dance,

1247
00:45:50,790 --> 00:45:52,963
distracting the girls
just long enough for Mac

1248
00:45:53,042 --> 00:45:54,794
to run around
and steal the weed.

1249
00:45:54,961 --> 00:45:57,430
Kelly, Paula, I need you
both to drive getaway.

1250
00:45:57,505 --> 00:45:59,865
I can't have you running around
here 'cause you're pregnant.

1251
00:46:00,174 --> 00:46:02,176
Wait, just you dancing is enough

1252
00:46:02,260 --> 00:46:03,637
to distract the entire sorority?

1253
00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:04,720
I don't know about that.

1254
00:46:04,845 --> 00:46:06,518
That'll work.
It usually works.

1255
00:46:06,681 --> 00:46:08,200
I don't even know
where we are right now.

1256
00:46:08,224 --> 00:46:09,271
Okay.

1257
00:46:09,350 --> 00:46:10,351
MAC: I'm ready.
All right.

1258
00:46:12,144 --> 00:46:13,566
Oh, shit! Fuck!

1259
00:46:13,813 --> 00:46:14,985
What's wrong?
Damn it.

1260
00:46:15,314 --> 00:46:17,191
No! I don't have
the baby oil.

1261
00:46:17,316 --> 00:46:18,317
What's the big deal?

1262
00:46:18,401 --> 00:46:19,544
No, it's the most
important thing!

1263
00:46:19,568 --> 00:46:21,570
With baby oil, you get,
like, two extra lines here.

1264
00:46:21,654 --> 00:46:22,654
MAC: Really?

1265
00:46:22,697 --> 00:46:24,217
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
God damn it-

1266
00:46:25,533 --> 00:46:26,580
All right, let's go!

1267
00:46:26,993 --> 00:46:28,415
Ooh, that's hot!
(SIZZLING)

1268
00:46:28,577 --> 00:46:30,671
Oh, that's really hot!
Ow! It burns!

1269
00:46:30,746 --> 00:46:31,747
Rub that shit in.

1270
00:46:31,872 --> 00:46:34,375
All right, rub it in.
Rub it in.

1271
00:46:34,458 --> 00:46:35,459
Jeez. (PANTS)

1272
00:46:35,543 --> 00:46:36,760
Oh, my God!
God bless you, kid.

1273
00:46:36,836 --> 00:46:37,883
Kelly?
What?

1274
00:46:37,962 --> 00:46:40,385
What the fuck are you doing?
We're in a rush, Mac.

1275
00:46:40,506 --> 00:46:42,224
JIMMY: Come on, Mac. Get his thighs.
Okay.

1276
00:46:43,050 --> 00:46:44,194
<i>Yo, what's up!
Clear the stage,</i>

1277
00:46:44,218 --> 00:46:45,720
clear the stage!
(CROWD WHOOPING)

1278
00:46:45,886 --> 00:46:47,103
<i>I got something to say.</i>

1279
00:46:47,263 --> 00:46:49,891
<i>This song right here goes out
to my girls in Kappa Nu.</i>

1280
00:46:50,057 --> 00:46:53,061
<i>I know we've been going through
some rough times lately.</i>

1281
00:46:53,227 --> 00:46:54,427
<i>But I love you.
(CLICKS TONGUE)</i>

1282
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:55,772
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

1283
00:46:55,855 --> 00:46:57,072
<i>DJ, let's shake that booty.</i>

1284
00:46:57,231 --> 00:46:58,403
You got this, right, Beth?

1285
00:46:58,566 --> 00:46:59,806
Yes, I got this.
I'm right here.

1286
00:47:09,744 --> 00:47:11,542
(CROWD CHEERING)

1287
00:47:16,125 --> 00:47:17,547
(GROANING)

1288
00:47:34,018 --> 00:47:35,019
Fuck!

1289
00:47:39,023 --> 00:47:40,024
(CLOTH RIPPING)

1290
00:47:40,274 --> 00:47:42,072
(CROWD CHEERING LOUDER)

1291
00:47:47,573 --> 00:47:48,950
(GIRLS SCREAMING)

1292
00:47:50,951 --> 00:47:52,669
No! He showed dick!

1293
00:47:54,663 --> 00:47:55,710
Oh, no!

1294
00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:57,546
The weed!
Oh, shit!

1295
00:47:57,708 --> 00:47:58,709
SHELBY: It's all gone!

1296
00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:01,470
Oh, my God! It's all gone!
It's all gone!

1297
00:48:02,296 --> 00:48:04,469
Chester the fucking
Cheetah took our weed!

1298
00:48:04,715 --> 00:48:06,035
BETH: Get the fucking
bag of weed!

1299
00:48:07,551 --> 00:48:08,643
Get the weed!

1300
00:48:08,844 --> 00:48:10,164
(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)
(HORN BLOWING)

1301
00:48:10,262 --> 00:48:11,263
(GROANS)

1302
00:48:11,347 --> 00:48:12,974
God, I hate clowns!

1303
00:48:13,099 --> 00:48:14,316
KELLY: Get out of the way!

1304
00:48:15,684 --> 00:48:17,812
Get another exit.
Find the exit!

1305
00:48:17,895 --> 00:48:19,215
I'm blocked!
I'll get another car!

1306
00:48:19,397 --> 00:48:21,024
KELLY: Go! Go!
Oh, No!

1307
00:48:23,901 --> 00:48:25,574
<i>(CROWD CLAMORING)</i>

1308
00:48:30,950 --> 00:48:31,951
(SHELBY GRUNTING)

1309
00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:37,043
Move, move, move!

1310
00:48:37,289 --> 00:48:39,007
(GROANS) Fuck!

1311
00:48:39,083 --> 00:48:40,255
Get out of the way!

1312
00:48:40,459 --> 00:48:41,779
(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)
(HORN BLOWING)

1313
00:48:44,004 --> 00:48:45,347
(JIMMY CONTINUES LAUGHING)

1314
00:48:47,216 --> 00:48:48,684
I got your weed!

1315
00:48:49,009 --> 00:48:50,010
Move!

1316
00:48:50,678 --> 00:48:52,271
Which one is it?
Where's the weed?

1317
00:48:54,807 --> 00:48:56,024
(HORN BLOWING)

1318
00:48:57,560 --> 00:48:58,840
SHELBY: Give me
the fucking weed!

1319
00:49:00,521 --> 00:49:01,522
(GRUNTS)

1320
00:49:01,939 --> 00:49:03,191
Who's laughing now, clown?

1321
00:49:03,524 --> 00:49:04,644
Who's laughing now?
Ow! Stop!

1322
00:49:05,943 --> 00:49:07,945
It's garbage!
It's not weed!

1323
00:49:08,112 --> 00:49:09,113
JIMMY: Oh, fuck!

1324
00:49:09,196 --> 00:49:10,413
The weed! The weed!

1325
00:49:11,574 --> 00:49:12,621
Go for it!

1326
00:49:12,867 --> 00:49:14,039
(CONTINUES GROANING)

1327
00:49:14,326 --> 00:49:15,418
Oh, shit!

1328
00:49:16,203 --> 00:49:17,921
Okay, wait! Mac,

1329
00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:20,549
you can do this.

1330
00:49:23,294 --> 00:49:24,546
(INHALES DEEPLY)

1331
00:49:27,548 --> 00:49:29,221
WEED VOICE: (SING some) 4-20!

1332
00:49:30,885 --> 00:49:31,886
(GRUNTS)

1333
00:49:32,678 --> 00:49:34,055
<i>(CROWD CLAMORING)</i>

1334
00:49:35,139 --> 00:49:36,140
Oh, fuck!

1335
00:49:48,068 --> 00:49:49,320
On your right!
Take it!

1336
00:49:49,403 --> 00:49:51,701
SHELBY: I'm All-State track
and field, bitch! (SCREAMING)

1337
00:50:07,338 --> 00:50:08,339
(PANTING)

1338
00:50:10,925 --> 00:50:11,926
(GRUNTS)

1339
00:50:12,843 --> 00:50:14,140
(HORN HONKING)

1340
00:50:15,012 --> 00:50:16,309
(TIRES SCREECHING)

1341
00:50:17,348 --> 00:50:18,349
Come on!

1342
00:50:20,434 --> 00:50:21,606
Come on!

1343
00:50:21,685 --> 00:50:22,937
Hurry!

1344
00:50:27,316 --> 00:50:28,317
(SCREAMING)
on, shit!

1345
00:50:28,442 --> 00:50:29,443
JIMMY: Here she comes!

1346
00:50:30,611 --> 00:50:33,114
Free weed! Take it! Free weed!
Weed for everyone!

1347
00:50:33,614 --> 00:50:34,661
Free weed!
Free weed!

1348
00:50:34,949 --> 00:50:36,542
(CLAMORING CONTINUES)

1349
00:50:38,953 --> 00:50:41,376
NORA: That's all our weed!
How are we gonna pay rent?

1350
00:50:42,122 --> 00:50:44,875
You're really turning me on
with your muscles right now.

1351
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:46,092
Two pounds coming!

1352
00:50:46,168 --> 00:50:47,670
You look...
Are you in pain?

1353
00:50:47,753 --> 00:50:49,551
They're just a little heavy.
Yeah. Yeah.

1354
00:50:49,838 --> 00:50:51,966
<i>I</i> love you! Shit!
(FEEDBACK)

1355
00:50:52,132 --> 00:50:55,762
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

1356
00:50:55,970 --> 00:50:57,472
(HORN BLOWING)
Ah!

1357
00:50:58,013 --> 00:50:59,014
Oh, fuck!

1358
00:50:59,181 --> 00:51:02,811
MAC: This is a fucking shame, but
it's also pretty fun. KELLY: WhOO...

1359
00:51:02,977 --> 00:51:04,024
Thank you, dude.
Yeah.

1360
00:51:04,103 --> 00:51:05,946
Dude, those girls
were out of control!

1361
00:51:06,105 --> 00:51:09,735
No, those girls were out of
control until we controlled them.

1362
00:51:09,900 --> 00:51:10,961
You really controlled them.

1363
00:51:10,985 --> 00:51:12,128
You have to remind yourself that

1364
00:51:12,152 --> 00:51:14,120
any situation is
actually controllable

1365
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:18,410
because parents are smart and kids,
by comparison, are fucking stupid.

1366
00:51:18,576 --> 00:51:20,544
You have it figured out.
You can't do anything

1367
00:51:20,703 --> 00:51:23,798
until you know the answer
to one simple question.

1368
00:51:23,956 --> 00:51:25,629
"Who is Teddy Sanders?"
Mmm.

1369
00:51:25,791 --> 00:51:27,631
It's a very important
question to ask yourself.

1370
00:51:27,668 --> 00:51:30,638
Before I got anywhere
in life, I asked myself,

1371
00:51:30,796 --> 00:51:32,048
"Who is Mac Radner?"

1372
00:51:32,214 --> 00:51:34,012
And I said, "Who are
you, Kelly Dhundee?"

1373
00:51:34,300 --> 00:51:35,318
Your maiden name's Dundee?

1374
00:51:35,342 --> 00:51:37,219
No, it's got an Dhundee.

1375
00:51:37,344 --> 00:51:38,345
<i>Like Crocodile Dundee?</i>

1376
00:51:38,512 --> 00:51:40,514
It's "Dhundee." It's a
different name altogether.

1377
00:51:40,681 --> 00:51:42,909
I know it's a different name,
but it's just a coincidence.

1378
00:51:42,933 --> 00:51:43,934
<i>Crocodile Dundee.</i>

1379
00:51:44,018 --> 00:51:45,395
(SHOUTS)
It's nothing like it!

1380
00:51:45,561 --> 00:51:47,108
No. Nothing like that.

1381
00:51:47,187 --> 00:51:49,781
But anyway, that's what you need to know.
Who is Teddy Sanders?

1382
00:51:49,982 --> 00:51:51,209
KELLY: Buddy, what are
you doing today?

1383
00:51:51,233 --> 00:51:52,405
Yeah, what's your...

1384
00:51:52,484 --> 00:51:54,202
What your overall
game plan here?

1385
00:51:54,361 --> 00:51:55,533
Just in life.

1386
00:51:55,696 --> 00:51:58,825
I'll probably play
some games on my phone,

1387
00:51:58,991 --> 00:52:02,040
and walk around for a little
bit until I tire myself out,

1388
00:52:02,202 --> 00:52:04,296
then go to sleep in my car.

1389
00:52:04,872 --> 00:52:06,124
Probably.

1390
00:52:06,999 --> 00:52:08,216
(SOFTLY) So sad.

1391
00:52:09,209 --> 00:52:12,213
Um, do you wanna
maybe crash here?

1392
00:52:12,630 --> 00:52:14,303
Really, I won't
take up too much room?

1393
00:52:14,381 --> 00:52:15,661
You could sleep
in Stella's room.

1394
00:52:15,758 --> 00:52:18,056
She takes up this much space.

1395
00:52:18,218 --> 00:52:19,344
KELLY: Yeah.

1396
00:52:19,553 --> 00:52:20,554
(SNIFFLES)

1397
00:52:23,432 --> 00:52:24,433
Thank you, guys-

1398
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:25,726
No, thank you.

1399
00:52:26,185 --> 00:52:27,311
It means a lot to me.

1400
00:52:27,394 --> 00:52:29,442
I can see that. It's
not that big a deal.

1401
00:52:29,521 --> 00:52:31,364
No, it is a big deal.

1402
00:52:32,858 --> 00:52:33,905
Thank you.
Okay.

1403
00:52:34,985 --> 00:52:35,986
(MOUTHING)

1404
00:52:36,111 --> 00:52:37,533
Thank you.

1405
00:52:37,696 --> 00:52:39,257
(IN HALES SHARPLY) Do you
have any more of these?

1406
00:52:39,281 --> 00:52:41,625
Yes, there's heaps in the kitchen.
Help yourself.

1407
00:52:41,784 --> 00:52:42,956
Are they baby food?

1408
00:52:43,077 --> 00:52:44,249
Technically.

1409
00:52:44,411 --> 00:52:46,209
Babies eat good food.
MAC: Yeah.

1410
00:52:46,372 --> 00:52:47,589
(CHUCKLES)
This is awesome.

1411
00:52:47,748 --> 00:52:48,965
Go get them.

1412
00:52:54,588 --> 00:52:56,886
MAC: (SOFTY) That's cute.
Look at him.

1413
00:52:58,300 --> 00:53:01,395
He inhaled so much weed smoke
he tuckered himself out.

1414
00:53:03,305 --> 00:53:04,682
All right.

1415
00:53:07,101 --> 00:53:08,853
Guys, we lost our nest egg.

1416
00:53:09,019 --> 00:53:10,987
We lost all of our weed
and our rent is due.

1417
00:53:11,063 --> 00:53:12,189
What are we supposed to do?

1418
00:53:12,272 --> 00:53:13,416
Beth, what happened?
I thought you were the one

1419
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:14,709
stopping the old people
from getting the weed.

1420
00:53:14,733 --> 00:53:16,280
No! Do not blame me!

1421
00:53:16,443 --> 00:53:17,843
You saw what was
happening up there.

1422
00:53:17,903 --> 00:53:20,452
I am a human woman.
I had to watch that.

1423
00:53:20,656 --> 00:53:22,456
I was on the whipped cream.
You were on the...

1424
00:53:22,491 --> 00:53:23,635
(ALL CLAMORING)
We watch things together...

1425
00:53:23,659 --> 00:53:26,128
She was in charge of the weed.
You were in charge of the weed.

1426
00:53:26,286 --> 00:53:28,380
No, no! Stop it!

1427
00:53:28,539 --> 00:53:30,099
Stop it, don't you
see what's happening?

1428
00:53:30,791 --> 00:53:32,394
This is what the old
people want us to do.

1429
00:53:32,418 --> 00:53:33,965
They wanna tear us apart.

1430
00:53:34,211 --> 00:53:37,465
They know that if we're a
united front, we can't lose.

1431
00:53:37,548 --> 00:53:39,300
Because we are sisters.

1432
00:53:39,466 --> 00:53:40,694
And for the first
time in my life,

1433
00:53:40,718 --> 00:53:41,945
I feel like I belong right now.

1434
00:53:41,969 --> 00:53:44,392
This is so much better than I
ever thought college could be.

1435
00:53:44,555 --> 00:53:48,276
This is the most fun I've ever
had and I went to space camp.

1436
00:53:48,434 --> 00:53:49,811
I haven't slept in,
like, a week.

1437
00:53:49,977 --> 00:53:51,538
I just don't want to
miss out on anything.

1438
00:53:51,562 --> 00:53:52,654
You guys are so much fun.

1439
00:53:52,813 --> 00:53:54,440
We're never gonna
lose each other.

1440
00:53:54,606 --> 00:53:56,859
I mean, what do you call a
house full of united women?

1441
00:53:57,317 --> 00:53:58,318
A brothel.

1442
00:53:58,402 --> 00:53:59,870
No, man.

1443
00:53:59,945 --> 00:54:01,071
A sorority.

1444
00:54:01,655 --> 00:54:02,656
Oh...

1445
00:54:02,823 --> 00:54:04,666
Okay. This is the problem.

1446
00:54:04,992 --> 00:54:06,261
We're never gonna
solve our money issues

1447
00:54:06,285 --> 00:54:07,965
when we're in this
war with the old people.

1448
00:54:07,995 --> 00:54:09,681
What can we do? We're
gonna give the old people

1449
00:54:09,705 --> 00:54:11,141
a taste of their own
medicine. All right?

1450
00:54:11,165 --> 00:54:13,167
They tried to tear us apart.
Yeah.

1451
00:54:13,333 --> 00:54:15,335
So, what are we gonna do?

1452
00:54:17,045 --> 00:54:18,165
We're gonna tear them apart!

1453
00:54:18,255 --> 00:54:19,347
GIRLS: Yeah.

1454
00:54:19,673 --> 00:54:22,096
I mean, unless you guys think
that's too intense of a plan.

1455
00:54:22,176 --> 00:54:26,397
Shelby, they would never say you
were too intense if you were a man.

1456
00:54:26,889 --> 00:54:29,392
Yeah, own that shit, queen. Yeah.

1457
00:54:29,558 --> 00:54:32,653
Let's do this,
team! Yeah!

1458
00:54:32,728 --> 00:54:34,025
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

1459
00:54:35,773 --> 00:54:37,320
Ah. What do
we think of that?

1460
00:54:38,317 --> 00:54:40,695
"Oh, my prince, come for me!

1461
00:54:41,403 --> 00:54:42,404
"Come for me."

1462
00:54:42,488 --> 00:54:44,608
(IN DEEP VOICE) "No, I won't.
I'm not coming for you."

1463
00:54:44,823 --> 00:54:46,791
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
Yellow stars.

1464
00:54:47,493 --> 00:54:49,040
What color for
her dress? Mmm?

1465
00:54:51,371 --> 00:54:52,714
TEDDY: What is
the water doing?

1466
00:54:52,873 --> 00:54:53,999
MAC: It's boiling.

1467
00:54:54,166 --> 00:54:56,544
Pretty cool, huh?
What we do now,

1468
00:54:56,710 --> 00:54:58,883
we're gonna add
the eggs to it. Okay?

1469
00:54:59,046 --> 00:55:00,566
You put eggs in the water?
Yeah. Watch.

1470
00:55:01,882 --> 00:55:03,429
Did you hear that?
TEDDY: (GASPS) Ah!

1471
00:55:03,592 --> 00:55:04,593
It's hot!

1472
00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:06,362
Oh, dude, don't fucking touch it!
I told you it's hot!

1473
00:55:06,386 --> 00:55:09,014
TEDDY: Oh, my gosh! I thought
it was like Jacuzzi hot.

1474
00:55:09,181 --> 00:55:11,058
MAC: No, it's boiling hot!
TEDDY: Oh.

1475
00:55:11,308 --> 00:55:14,107
Now, we add the eggs, and
we hard-boil them, okay?

1476
00:55:14,269 --> 00:55:16,271
Don't put the eggs in there.
It's gonna melt them.

1477
00:55:16,355 --> 00:55:19,029
No, it hard-boils them.
It makes them hard.

1478
00:55:19,191 --> 00:55:20,738
Why would it make eggs hard?

1479
00:55:20,901 --> 00:55:22,781
What do you mean, "Why
would it make eggs hard?"

1480
00:55:22,861 --> 00:55:24,704
It makes pasta soft-.

1481
00:55:25,614 --> 00:55:26,615
Whoa.

1482
00:55:26,907 --> 00:55:28,079
That's a good point.

1483
00:55:29,243 --> 00:55:30,495
KELLY: She looks fantastic.

1484
00:55:30,744 --> 00:55:31,745
Look at this.

1485
00:55:31,829 --> 00:55:33,251
I think this is
a gorgeous color.

1486
00:55:34,915 --> 00:55:37,794
Oh, I love coloring in.
(SOFTLY) I love it!

1487
00:55:38,418 --> 00:55:40,261
She's quite overdressed
really, isn't she?

1488
00:55:40,420 --> 00:55:44,266
She's just in a garden
somewhere in a ball gown.

1489
00:55:44,758 --> 00:55:47,056
Do you see people sometimes
that I don't see?

1490
00:55:48,554 --> 00:55:49,976
You can tell me.

1491
00:55:50,138 --> 00:55:52,391
TEDDY: Honey,
I'm home!

1492
00:55:52,558 --> 00:55:53,743
I've always wanted to say that.

1493
00:55:53,767 --> 00:55:55,007
It's fun.
I say it all the time.

1494
00:55:55,060 --> 00:55:56,687
Really?
Yeah.

1495
00:55:57,771 --> 00:56:00,149
<i>KELLY: "Dear Mac, I know
everything seemed good between us,</i>

1496
00:56:00,232 --> 00:56:03,111
<i>"but I've been lying to you and myself.
I'm freaking out. From Kelly."</i>

1497
00:56:03,277 --> 00:56:04,277
What?

1498
00:56:04,319 --> 00:56:06,447
What's she talking about?
That's gotta be a joke.

1499
00:56:06,613 --> 00:56:08,081
She must be fucking with me.

1500
00:56:08,240 --> 00:56:09,457
Yeah, she's joking around.

1501
00:56:10,868 --> 00:56:11,869
(MAC SCOFFS)

1502
00:56:13,412 --> 00:56:14,413
(PHONE CHIMING)

1503
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:19,673
That is so fucked up.
You bad, girl!

1504
00:56:19,751 --> 00:56:21,378
Oh, yeah. It's on!

1505
00:56:21,628 --> 00:56:23,630
I'm gonna call her.
Definitely call her.

1506
00:56:23,797 --> 00:56:25,970
MARANDA: Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck. He's calling.

1507
00:56:26,133 --> 00:56:27,485
MARANDA: Hang up, hang up.
Decline, decline-

1508
00:56:27,509 --> 00:56:28,601
What's going on right now?

1509
00:56:28,760 --> 00:56:30,933
It's okay!
CHRISTINE: Hang it up!

1510
00:56:33,140 --> 00:56:35,326
Just stay chill. Every/thing's fine.
What should I do right now?

1511
00:56:35,350 --> 00:56:36,647
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

1512
00:56:41,273 --> 00:56:42,274
Huh?

1513
00:56:58,332 --> 00:57:00,460
(PHONE CHIMES)
Where did she go?

1514
00:57:00,626 --> 00:57:02,845
I know exactly where she went.

1515
00:57:03,420 --> 00:57:04,467
What?

1516
00:57:05,422 --> 00:57:07,140
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

1517
00:57:10,844 --> 00:57:13,939
Mac, I've been up all night!
I'm worried sick!

1518
00:57:14,097 --> 00:57:17,021
Please just text me
something. I'm worried.

1519
00:57:19,519 --> 00:57:20,520
(PHONE CHIMES)

1520
00:57:23,023 --> 00:57:24,024
KELLY: What?

1521
00:57:35,243 --> 00:57:36,460
Fucking Jimmy.

1522
00:57:36,536 --> 00:57:37,583
Let's go, I'm hungry!

1523
00:57:37,704 --> 00:57:38,864
Trying to get this tweet out.

1524
00:57:38,914 --> 00:57:40,006
How do you spell Trump?

1525
00:57:40,082 --> 00:57:41,379
KELLY: Jimmy.

1526
00:57:41,541 --> 00:57:43,384
Hey, what's up, Kel?
Where is he?

1527
00:57:43,710 --> 00:57:45,383
Where's who?
You're lying to me!

1528
00:57:45,462 --> 00:57:47,681
You're a fucking terrible actor!
Tell me where he is!

1529
00:57:47,756 --> 00:57:48,848
Uh, I don't know.

1530
00:57:49,007 --> 00:57:51,110
He told me that you'd pretend
you didn't know where he was.

1531
00:57:51,134 --> 00:57:52,306
Tell me where he is!
Ow, no.

1532
00:57:52,386 --> 00:57:53,433
Hey, Kel!

1533
00:57:53,595 --> 00:57:56,098
Where is Mac? Mac is missing,
and Jimmy knows where he is.

1534
00:57:56,264 --> 00:57:58,266
Fucking tell her
where the fuck he is!

1535
00:57:58,433 --> 00:57:59,869
I was with you last night.
I don't know.

1536
00:57:59,893 --> 00:58:02,066
I know you're protecting
some stupid bro code.

1537
00:58:02,145 --> 00:58:03,522
Just tell me where he is.

1538
00:58:03,605 --> 00:58:04,707
Bro code?
No, there's no bro code.

1539
00:58:04,731 --> 00:58:06,542
He likes you more than me.
He tells me that every day.

1540
00:58:06,566 --> 00:58:08,503
You're fucking lying to me, Jimmy!
Tell me where he is!

1541
00:58:08,527 --> 00:58:09,653
I'm not lying.

1542
00:58:09,736 --> 00:58:11,416
Excuse me. Why is
there so much language...

1543
00:58:11,446 --> 00:58:12,447
This is an emergency!

1544
00:58:12,572 --> 00:58:14,842
My husband Mac has vanished, and
this man knows where he is!

1545
00:58:14,866 --> 00:58:16,243
Well, tell her!
Tell me!

1546
00:58:16,326 --> 00:58:17,578
Tell her!
Fucking tell her!

1547
00:58:17,828 --> 00:58:18,828
Whoa! Oh!

1548
00:58:18,912 --> 00:58:20,264
You don't have to do that.
Tell me!

1549
00:58:20,288 --> 00:58:22,006
(ALL CLAMORING)

1550
00:58:23,542 --> 00:58:25,419
He's in jail for child porn!

1551
00:58:25,544 --> 00:58:27,888
What? No! I'm lying! I
don't know where he is!

1552
00:58:27,963 --> 00:58:29,340
BILL: No, no, no!

1553
00:58:29,423 --> 00:58:30,566
Call him on the phone now!
Call him!

1554
00:58:30,590 --> 00:58:31,637
You deserved that, Jimmy.

1555
00:58:31,758 --> 00:58:33,931
Hold on! Hold on! (STAMMERS)
Call him!

1556
00:58:34,011 --> 00:58:35,684
JIMMY: Here, here.
Fuck it!

1557
00:58:36,263 --> 00:58:37,264
(GROANING)

1558
00:58:37,597 --> 00:58:38,940
It broke the skin.

1559
00:58:39,099 --> 00:58:40,316
<i>Kelly?</i>

1560
00:58:40,475 --> 00:58:42,161
<i>Why do you have Jimmy's phone?
Where are you?</i>

1561
00:58:42,185 --> 00:58:43,985
<i>Are you around here? Are
you hiding somewhere?</i>

1562
00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:45,701
(CRYING) Where are you?
I'm in your office!

1563
00:58:45,772 --> 00:58:47,274
I've been looking for you.

1564
00:58:47,441 --> 00:58:48,543
<i>I went where you
told me to meet you!</i>

1565
00:58:48,567 --> 00:58:49,614
Where are you?

1566
00:58:49,693 --> 00:58:52,162
In Sydney, Australia!
<i>What?</i>

1567
00:58:52,237 --> 00:58:53,659
Outside the Opera House!

1568
00:58:53,864 --> 00:58:55,081
You're in Australia?

1569
00:58:55,157 --> 00:58:58,036
Yeah, I just got off a plane. I've
been on a plane for 18 hours!

1570
00:58:58,326 --> 00:58:59,452
What's happening?

1571
00:58:59,536 --> 00:59:00,583
We've been hacked!

1572
00:59:01,246 --> 00:59:03,590
"Kappa Nu fooled you."

1573
00:59:03,749 --> 00:59:04,921
Kappa Nu?

1574
00:59:05,083 --> 00:59:07,051
Prank war!
Airbags, airbags!

1575
00:59:07,127 --> 00:59:08,174
Airbags!

1576
00:59:08,295 --> 00:59:11,048
BILL: <i>Airbags! This is not</i> a <i>drill!
All butts up!</i>

1577
00:59:11,214 --> 00:59:12,966
All butts up! Go!

1578
00:59:17,179 --> 00:59:20,308
I might do the bridge walk
and then I'm gonna come home.

1579
00:59:21,266 --> 00:59:23,143
SHELBY: It's a barely
used refrigerator.

1580
00:59:29,483 --> 00:59:31,235
"Old people shit?"

1581
00:59:38,825 --> 00:59:41,499
MAC: "Kappa Nu
steals from you."

1582
00:59:41,661 --> 00:59:42,958
They robbed us?

1583
00:59:43,038 --> 00:59:44,290
This is so fucked!

1584
00:59:44,331 --> 00:59:46,504
We should call the police!
We can't call the police!

1585
00:59:46,583 --> 00:59:48,426
We stole their weed.
We're in too deep!

1586
00:59:48,585 --> 00:59:50,508
You know what? Girls
are worse than guys!

1587
00:59:50,712 --> 00:59:51,804
I'm just gonna say it!

1588
00:59:51,922 --> 00:59:53,845
I know that's not
feminist, but fuck that!

1589
00:59:53,924 --> 00:59:55,401
At least they didn't
take Stella's toys.

1590
00:59:55,425 --> 00:59:56,486
MAC: Oh, don't
give me that!

1591
00:59:56,510 --> 00:59:59,104
I've been awake for four days.
I'm so tired!

1592
00:59:59,846 --> 01:00:02,224
It's 3:00 a.m.
where I am in Australia!

1593
01:00:02,474 --> 01:00:04,647
We are so fucked!

1594
01:00:04,726 --> 01:00:06,353
We're in a drug
war with teenagers.

1595
01:00:06,478 --> 01:00:08,539
We don't have any furniture.
We're gonna go bankrupt.

1596
01:00:08,563 --> 01:00:11,191
We made so many bad choices
throughout this process.

1597
01:00:11,274 --> 01:00:13,368
We're about to have two girls!
Two kids!

1598
01:00:13,527 --> 01:00:15,838
That's completely irresponsible of us.
We can't take care of one-

1599
01:00:15,862 --> 01:00:17,205
I know I'm not a good parent.

1600
01:00:17,364 --> 01:00:18,684
Oh, fuck that.
I'm the bad parent.

1601
01:00:18,740 --> 01:00:20,663
Now, shut it down.
No. You don't get this one!

1602
01:00:20,742 --> 01:00:22,744
I'm the bad parent!
I'm the bad parent.

1603
01:00:23,036 --> 01:00:25,664
Last week, I found her
chewing on a nugget of weed.

1604
01:00:25,747 --> 01:00:27,308
I don't know how long she
had it in her mouth for.

1605
01:00:27,332 --> 01:00:28,629
Was it the Indica or Sativa?

1606
01:00:28,708 --> 01:00:31,052
It was Indica! She slept
for, like, nine hours after.

1607
01:00:31,253 --> 01:00:32,470
I'm the bad parent.

1608
01:00:32,546 --> 01:00:33,889
When she was six months old,

1609
01:00:33,964 --> 01:00:35,181
I dropped her on her head.

1610
01:00:35,257 --> 01:00:37,225
So did I.
What?

1611
01:00:37,300 --> 01:00:39,769
One time, I went to Taco
Bell, I left her at home.

1612
01:00:39,845 --> 01:00:41,188
I forgot she existed.

1613
01:00:41,263 --> 01:00:42,365
She almost died over a Gordita.

1614
01:00:42,389 --> 01:00:43,891
I'm such a bad parent.

1615
01:00:44,057 --> 01:00:45,559
Well, maybe we're
both bad parents!

1616
01:00:48,228 --> 01:00:49,229
(VIBRATING)

1617
01:00:49,479 --> 01:00:50,480
(PHONE CHIMING)

1618
01:00:51,898 --> 01:00:52,899
Oh, no.

1619
01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:54,572
It's Wendy, the realtor.

1620
01:00:55,026 --> 01:00:57,028
My clients are
backing out of escrow.

1621
01:00:57,404 --> 01:00:58,405
Yeah.
What?

1622
01:00:58,572 --> 01:01:00,700
We drove by the house
yesterday and saw Kappa Nu.

1623
01:01:00,866 --> 01:01:02,218
How do you know
the name of the sorority?

1624
01:01:02,242 --> 01:01:03,585
I went to college,
too, you know.

1625
01:01:03,743 --> 01:01:05,871
Omega Theta.
Let's roll out!

1626
01:01:06,037 --> 01:01:07,163
Why the hell is he here?

1627
01:01:07,247 --> 01:01:08,669
I thought you were my clients.

1628
01:01:08,748 --> 01:01:10,921
We hired him because you
just forgot to mention

1629
01:01:11,001 --> 01:01:13,925
the sorority that lives next to
our new house, so that's why.

1630
01:01:14,004 --> 01:01:16,098
Okay. Well, congratulations
because you hired a joke.

1631
01:01:16,339 --> 01:01:17,556
Oh, shove it, Wendy.

1632
01:01:17,674 --> 01:01:18,901
Oh, shove it right
back at ya, Oliver!

1633
01:01:18,925 --> 01:01:21,098
Why don't you shove it?
Shove it right back at ya!

1634
01:01:21,178 --> 01:01:22,771
We fucked once.

1635
01:01:22,971 --> 01:01:24,097
Not applicable.

1636
01:01:24,181 --> 01:01:25,899
I just feel like
we're escrowing apart

1637
01:01:26,016 --> 01:01:27,689
and we should be
escrowing together.

1638
01:01:27,767 --> 01:01:29,537
Exactly, guys. Can we just
escrow together for a minute?

1639
01:01:29,561 --> 01:01:31,081
And the truth is,
they're lovely girls.

1640
01:01:31,188 --> 01:01:33,361
Lovely girls. Super nice girls.
We promise you.

1641
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:34,520
I don't think that they are

1642
01:01:34,566 --> 01:01:36,785
because we literally saw
them robbing your house.

1643
01:01:36,860 --> 01:01:39,033
Well, thanks for
fucking stopping them!

1644
01:01:39,112 --> 01:01:40,923
You just stood there while
they robbed our house?

1645
01:01:40,947 --> 01:01:42,119
It wasn't like that.

1646
01:01:42,365 --> 01:01:44,618
You didn't tell us
about the sorority!

1647
01:01:44,784 --> 01:01:47,207
Is there anything we can do?
We're desperate!

1648
01:01:47,454 --> 01:01:50,057
Yeah, you can magically make the
sorority that lives next door to you

1649
01:01:50,081 --> 01:01:51,128
disappear by tomorrow.

1650
01:01:53,710 --> 01:01:54,711
NORA: ls it real?

1651
01:01:54,794 --> 01:01:57,217
No! Maybe it's just the old
people messing with us.

1652
01:01:57,380 --> 01:01:59,317
No. It's a real eviction notice.
I called the landlord-

1653
01:01:59,341 --> 01:02:00,776
Okay, maybe the landlord
<i>was</i> just one of

1654
01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:02,560
the old people pretending
to be the landlord.

1655
01:02:02,594 --> 01:02:04,141
No. We're actually
being evicted, okay?

1656
01:02:04,221 --> 01:02:05,768
We have no money to pay for it,

1657
01:02:05,847 --> 01:02:07,770
because we spent all of
our money on the weed.

1658
01:02:07,849 --> 01:02:10,443
So now we need
five buckets of money

1659
01:02:10,518 --> 01:02:12,771
otherwise, we're gonna
get kicked out tomorrow.

1660
01:02:13,146 --> 01:02:14,999
We're gonna lose the house.
We're gonna lose the house?

1661
01:02:15,023 --> 01:02:17,752
We're gonna lose our sisters, 'cause
we're gonna be put in separate dorms.

1662
01:02:17,776 --> 01:02:18,961
Then we're gonna
have no friends anymore,

1663
01:02:18,985 --> 01:02:21,158
and it's gonna be just like
high school all over again.

1664
01:02:21,363 --> 01:02:23,424
What are we gonna do? I mean,
how do frats make money?

1665
01:02:23,448 --> 01:02:25,542
They throw parties and
they charge for them.

1666
01:02:25,700 --> 01:02:27,740
But no one's gonna pay money
to come to our parties.

1667
01:02:27,786 --> 01:02:29,847
NORA: Yeah, it's not like a frat
bro is gonna walk up and be like,

1668
01:02:29,871 --> 01:02:31,591
"Ooh, you look good
in your normal clothes."

1669
01:02:31,665 --> 01:02:32,791
Wait!

1670
01:02:32,874 --> 01:02:33,966
"I love your sweater!"

1671
01:02:34,042 --> 01:02:35,214
Girls, I have an idea.

1672
01:02:35,502 --> 01:02:36,503
Okay.

1673
01:02:37,045 --> 01:02:38,843
You're not going
to like it though.

1674
01:02:39,297 --> 01:02:40,469
We have to throw a party.

1675
01:02:40,548 --> 01:02:42,550
No. When we throw
parties we lose money.

1676
01:02:42,634 --> 01:02:44,511
No, not one of our
really fun parties

1677
01:02:44,636 --> 01:02:46,434
that we actually
have a good time at.

1678
01:02:46,513 --> 01:02:47,856
I mean it's, like, empowering.

1679
01:02:48,014 --> 01:02:49,992
We have to throw a really
shitty frat brother party.

1680
01:02:50,016 --> 01:02:51,768
One where the frat
brothers like it so much,

1681
01:02:51,893 --> 01:02:53,645
they actually pay us to come to.

1682
01:02:53,728 --> 01:02:55,164
And then they really
like it so much, they tell

1683
01:02:55,188 --> 01:02:57,566
all their other
douchy frat brother friends

1684
01:02:57,649 --> 01:02:58,901
and they all pay us, too.

1685
01:02:58,984 --> 01:03:00,327
Like the one we
met each other at?

1686
01:03:00,568 --> 01:03:02,320
The other option here
is losing the house,

1687
01:03:02,445 --> 01:03:04,163
and if we lose the house
we lose Kappa Nu.

1688
01:03:04,364 --> 01:03:06,162
I'm not gonna lose you guys.

1689
01:03:06,574 --> 01:03:07,791
Okay.
BETH: All right.

1690
01:03:07,867 --> 01:03:09,335
Let's go tell the girls.
BETH: Okay.

1691
01:03:09,494 --> 01:03:10,962
We don't want to
lose this sorority.

1692
01:03:11,037 --> 01:03:12,960
We don't want to
lose our house, okay?

1693
01:03:13,039 --> 01:03:14,712
That's why we gotta

1694
01:03:15,583 --> 01:03:18,336
dress a little "hotter
than we usually do."

1695
01:03:18,503 --> 01:03:19,504
I'm hot!

1696
01:03:19,587 --> 01:03:20,884
I fucked the pizza man.

1697
01:03:21,047 --> 01:03:23,049
I gave him five <i>stars</i> on Yelp.

1698
01:03:23,216 --> 01:03:24,433
You have chips in your hair.

1699
01:03:25,468 --> 01:03:26,469
Yeah.

1700
01:03:26,636 --> 01:03:28,354
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

1701
01:03:45,071 --> 01:03:46,757
KELLY: Look at the production
value on this video.

1702
01:03:46,781 --> 01:03:49,910
We are totally fucked!
We're gonna be bankrupt!

1703
01:03:50,076 --> 01:03:51,919
TEDDY: No, no, no!
Look closer.

1704
01:03:52,078 --> 01:03:53,170
They've lost their way.

1705
01:03:53,246 --> 01:03:55,544
They've become everything
that they've hated.

1706
01:03:56,541 --> 01:03:58,669
JIMMY: Jesus Christ.
KELLY: They're vulnerable.

1707
01:03:58,752 --> 01:04:01,346
They're relying fully on this
party to support this house.

1708
01:04:01,421 --> 01:04:02,421
He's right.

1709
01:04:02,464 --> 01:04:04,624
If we shut down this party,
the sorority will dissolve.

1710
01:04:04,758 --> 01:04:06,152
It's time to show
them who's adults,

1711
01:04:06,176 --> 01:04:07,428
and spank their little bottoms.

1712
01:04:07,594 --> 01:04:08,686
I wanna spank them all.

1713
01:04:08,762 --> 01:04:10,764
Let's do what parents
do better than anything,

1714
01:04:10,930 --> 01:04:14,560
stop young people
from having fun!

1715
01:04:14,851 --> 01:04:17,104
(UPBEAT TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

1716
01:04:20,982 --> 01:04:22,950
SHELBY: Come on
in, guys!

1717
01:04:25,403 --> 01:04:27,906
Hey, hope you let yourself
in this party later on.

1718
01:04:28,281 --> 01:04:29,783
(GIRLS GIGGLING)

1719
01:04:29,991 --> 01:04:31,334
You're funny.

1720
01:04:32,494 --> 01:04:34,246
Call your friends, okay?
Tell them to come.

1721
01:04:34,412 --> 01:04:35,629
And bring money!

1722
01:04:36,289 --> 01:04:38,963
We shut this motherfucker
down at all costs.

1723
01:04:39,125 --> 01:04:41,503
Y'all go in, shut it
down from the inside.

1724
01:04:41,669 --> 01:04:43,262
Me and Kelly stay, call the cops

1725
01:04:43,338 --> 01:04:44,840
shut it down from the outside.

1726
01:04:44,964 --> 01:04:46,966
Inside, outside.
Got it.

1727
01:04:47,133 --> 01:04:48,885
(BREATHES DEEPLY)

1728
01:04:54,182 --> 01:04:55,525
Now I'm ready.

1729
01:04:56,684 --> 01:04:58,561
Now, I'm ready. (MANIACAL
LAUGHTER) (SHRIEKING)

1730
01:04:58,645 --> 01:05:00,488
Jesus Christ, man.
Ow!

1731
01:05:07,362 --> 01:05:08,488
Hey!
Hey.

1732
01:05:08,655 --> 01:05:09,952
What's going on, Kappa Nu?

1733
01:05:10,115 --> 01:05:12,009
Bro, it's only 20 bucks. You've
gotta get down here now.

1734
01:05:12,033 --> 01:05:14,832
They're gonna get wet
everywhere, I swear to God!

1735
01:05:14,994 --> 01:05:17,543
There's so many fucking hot
bitches here, it's ridiculous.

1736
01:05:17,622 --> 01:05:20,171
It's like a hot bitch fiesta.

1737
01:05:20,333 --> 01:05:22,131
They're, like, all
ripe and ready to pop!

1738
01:05:22,210 --> 01:05:24,838
How much money have we made? How
many money buckets do we have?

1739
01:05:26,381 --> 01:05:27,724
This punch tastes kind of funny.

1740
01:05:27,882 --> 01:05:29,475
We didn't put out any punch.

1741
01:05:29,634 --> 01:05:30,681
Oh, no.

1742
01:05:30,844 --> 01:05:31,987
I'm gonna start phase two, okay?

1743
01:05:32,011 --> 01:05:33,979
Phase two, is we have
to stop the old people

1744
01:05:34,055 --> 01:05:36,057
from calling the cops, okay?

1745
01:05:36,224 --> 01:05:38,067
If you see any old people
in here, stop them!

1746
01:05:39,185 --> 01:05:40,732
I don't like this.
Me neither.

1747
01:05:40,895 --> 01:05:42,693
No! Stop drinking that.

1748
01:05:42,856 --> 01:05:44,824
Ha! My tongue is numb.

1749
01:05:45,150 --> 01:05:46,150
TEDDY: Just blend in.

1750
01:05:46,192 --> 01:05:48,320
Yes, blend, blend, blend.

1751
01:05:48,403 --> 01:05:49,963
JIMMY: Oh, excusez-moi.
(GIRLS GIGGLING)

1752
01:05:53,408 --> 01:05:55,911
It's a good party. I am
gonna text my friends.

1753
01:05:56,077 --> 01:05:57,624
No, it's all a lie.
It's a deception.

1754
01:05:57,745 --> 01:05:59,338
They don't think
you're funny, okay?

1755
01:05:59,497 --> 01:06:01,340
What? (GROANS) Oh, fuck me!

1756
01:06:01,541 --> 01:06:03,384
Oh, you okay?
What's wrong?

1757
01:06:03,543 --> 01:06:05,716
I shouldn't have
eaten that McRib.

1758
01:06:05,879 --> 01:06:06,880
It's no big deal.

1759
01:06:07,046 --> 01:06:09,525
I'm just having the worst cramps in
my life every five, six minutes.

1760
01:06:09,549 --> 01:06:11,347
Yeah, I think you're
going into labor.

1761
01:06:11,509 --> 01:06:13,386
No, no, no. The baby's
not due till tomorrow.

1762
01:06:13,511 --> 01:06:14,888
You're definitely
going into labor.

1763
01:06:14,971 --> 01:06:16,188
You need to be timing this.

1764
01:06:17,265 --> 01:06:18,767
Oh, it's passed.
I feel great.

1765
01:06:18,975 --> 01:06:20,035
JIMMY: I told you,
she's not going into labor.

1766
01:06:20,059 --> 01:06:21,060
She's all good, dude.

1767
01:06:21,144 --> 01:06:23,238
Whoo!
There she goes.

1768
01:06:23,396 --> 01:06:25,114
You should really go after her.

1769
01:06:25,273 --> 01:06:27,401
She's the boss of her
own body, all right?

1770
01:06:27,567 --> 01:06:28,784
The last night of freedom!

1771
01:06:28,943 --> 01:06:30,069
JIMMY: I love you!

1772
01:06:30,195 --> 01:06:31,287
I love you, bubba!

1773
01:06:31,404 --> 01:06:33,873
We have to get upstairs. That's
where the power source is.

1774
01:06:34,073 --> 01:06:35,513
What are you doing?
Don't drink that!

1775
01:06:36,034 --> 01:06:37,034
What's wrong?

1776
01:06:37,076 --> 01:06:39,124
Come on, dude! Never
drink the punch!

1777
01:06:39,412 --> 01:06:40,584
Oh. Whoo!
Let's go.

1778
01:06:51,799 --> 01:06:53,551
I saw you with Teddy.

1779
01:06:53,718 --> 01:06:55,186
Why were you with Teddy?

1780
01:06:55,553 --> 01:06:56,554
Shh.

1781
01:06:56,638 --> 01:07:00,438
We're gonna kill the power
and shut down the party.

1782
01:07:01,601 --> 01:07:02,944
What?

1783
01:07:03,603 --> 01:07:06,777
(GROANS) I got real fucked
up really quickly just now.

1784
01:07:06,940 --> 01:07:08,442
Me, too.

1785
01:07:08,608 --> 01:07:10,326
But all I had was the punch.

1786
01:07:10,610 --> 01:07:12,533
Shit! We got Cosby'd!

1787
01:07:17,617 --> 01:07:18,618
Yes!

1788
01:07:21,621 --> 01:07:22,918
(INHALES DEEPLY)

1789
01:07:23,164 --> 01:07:24,791
Kappa Nu,

1790
01:07:25,250 --> 01:07:26,843
good night to you.

1791
01:07:31,464 --> 01:07:33,341
(MUSIC PLAYING DOWNSTAIRS)

1792
01:07:34,509 --> 01:07:35,806
(SIGHS)

1793
01:07:36,928 --> 01:07:39,477
They must have an
alternate power source.

1794
01:07:39,639 --> 01:07:44,270
MINIONS: Banana! Banana! Banana!
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

1795
01:07:44,435 --> 01:07:45,982
NORA: Must stop you!

1796
01:07:46,479 --> 01:07:47,776
(GRUNTING)

1797
01:07:48,731 --> 01:07:49,732
(GAGGING)

1798
01:07:49,941 --> 01:07:51,818
Oh, my God. Look how
big my tongue is.

1799
01:07:52,360 --> 01:07:53,800
(GIGGLING) Look
how big my tongue is.

1800
01:07:54,153 --> 01:07:55,496
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

1801
01:07:56,197 --> 01:07:57,198
Ew!

1802
01:07:57,323 --> 01:07:59,200
NORA: Shit! Fuck!

1803
01:07:59,367 --> 01:08:01,369
Party's big enough, let's
call the cops. Okay.

1804
01:08:01,536 --> 01:08:02,537
SHELBY: Hey, sweet tart!

1805
01:08:02,704 --> 01:08:05,207
It's a little hard to call the
cops without a phone, ain't it?

1806
01:08:05,373 --> 01:08:07,000
Give us that back!
No!

1807
01:08:07,166 --> 01:08:08,292
KELLY: Drop it!

1808
01:08:08,459 --> 01:08:10,132
Whoa. Ah!
Ooh.

1809
01:08:10,503 --> 01:08:11,504
What the fuck?

1810
01:08:11,671 --> 01:08:13,014
Called a cord, dumbass!

1811
01:08:13,172 --> 01:08:14,799
Fucking old people phone!

1812
01:08:17,844 --> 01:08:19,141
What the hell?

1813
01:08:19,304 --> 01:08:20,430
Where are our phones?

1814
01:08:20,513 --> 01:08:21,513
Oh, what, these?

1815
01:08:21,556 --> 01:08:23,229
How'd you get those?

1816
01:08:25,435 --> 01:08:26,527
Come on.

1817
01:08:28,313 --> 01:08:29,665
Yo! I couldn't find
the power source.

1818
01:08:29,689 --> 01:08:31,441
Shelby took our phones.
Do you have a phone?

1819
01:08:31,524 --> 01:08:33,492
No, I don't have a phone.
Iran out of data.

1820
01:08:33,651 --> 01:08:34,698
Shit!

1821
01:08:34,861 --> 01:08:36,005
SHELBY: I'm in here, guys.
MAC: Garage.

1822
01:08:36,029 --> 01:08:37,622
SHELBY: Don't try and
find me though.

1823
01:08:40,074 --> 01:08:42,623
Oh, you're getting warmer.
Getting warmer.

1824
01:08:42,702 --> 01:08:44,204
You're definitely
getting warmer.

1825
01:08:44,370 --> 01:08:45,713
Ooh, ooh.
You're getting warmer.

1826
01:08:45,872 --> 01:08:46,964
<i>Getting warmer.</i>

1827
01:08:47,040 --> 01:08:48,132
<i>Bingo.</i>

1828
01:08:49,208 --> 01:08:50,255
TEDDY: Shit!

1829
01:08:50,335 --> 01:08:51,552
No!

1830
01:08:51,711 --> 01:08:54,189
I'm not gonna let you out until we're
done raising money, all right?

1831
01:08:54,213 --> 01:08:55,760
There's energy
bars in the corner.

1832
01:08:56,007 --> 01:08:58,068
There's some water, and there's
a poo bucket if you need it.

1833
01:08:58,092 --> 01:08:59,093
MAC: Shit!

1834
01:08:59,177 --> 01:09:00,895
You come back here, young lady!

1835
01:09:01,054 --> 01:09:02,431
MAC: Kelly! Help us!
Shelby!

1836
01:09:02,597 --> 01:09:03,849
Come back here!

1837
01:09:04,557 --> 01:09:06,730
Come back here right now.
(GRUNTING)

1838
01:09:06,893 --> 01:09:08,895
It's locked. She locked it.

1839
01:09:09,062 --> 01:09:11,406
Okay. Calm down,
let me think.

1840
01:09:12,273 --> 01:09:13,900
All right here's the plan.

1841
01:09:14,067 --> 01:09:16,445
We're gonna throw everything
we can at this door.

1842
01:09:16,611 --> 01:09:18,033
What are you doing?

1843
01:09:18,196 --> 01:09:19,556
I'm pooing!
When I'm nervous I poo!

1844
01:09:19,697 --> 01:09:20,698
Look away.

1845
01:09:20,865 --> 01:09:23,914
Suck it back up.
We gotta get out of here.

1846
01:09:24,077 --> 01:09:25,249
TEDDY: Yo, get out
of the way.

1847
01:09:25,411 --> 01:09:26,458
Big man!

1848
01:09:27,455 --> 01:09:28,456
(GRUNTS)

1849
01:09:28,790 --> 01:09:30,167
Come on!

1850
01:09:31,417 --> 01:09:32,418
(GRUNTS)

1851
01:09:32,752 --> 01:09:33,969
Ooh.
Shit!

1852
01:09:34,128 --> 01:09:37,428
(GROANING) I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

1853
01:09:37,882 --> 01:09:40,010
(GRUNTING) Let's try
something else.

1854
01:09:40,093 --> 01:09:41,219
I'm fine.

1855
01:09:43,096 --> 01:09:44,689
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)

1856
01:09:45,932 --> 01:09:47,809
Oh, shit! Mac, you okay?
(G ROANS)

1857
01:09:47,892 --> 01:09:48,893
I'm good.

1858
01:09:53,690 --> 01:09:54,691
Ooh.

1859
01:09:54,816 --> 01:09:56,238
You broke my bike.

1860
01:09:56,317 --> 01:09:57,660
That didn't work.

1861
01:09:57,777 --> 01:09:59,120
No! Do you got
another one in you?

1862
01:09:59,320 --> 01:10:00,446
I think...

1863
01:10:01,072 --> 01:10:02,415
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

1864
01:10:05,243 --> 01:10:06,620
That's it.

1865
01:10:07,495 --> 01:10:08,963
That's our way out.

1866
01:10:10,623 --> 01:10:11,749
MAC: That's way too high up.

1867
01:10:11,874 --> 01:10:12,921
No, it's not.

1868
01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:14,752
What are you gonna do?

1869
01:10:15,128 --> 01:10:16,730
I don't have the keys.
Can you hot-wire it?

1870
01:10:16,754 --> 01:10:17,954
We can drive through the wall.

1871
01:10:18,131 --> 01:10:19,411
No, I don't know
how to hot-wire.

1872
01:10:19,465 --> 01:10:21,638
But I do know
a thing or two about

1873
01:10:22,760 --> 01:10:24,012
airbags.

1874
01:10:26,639 --> 01:10:28,641
TEDDY: (SOFTLY)
Set it down really soft.

1875
01:10:29,475 --> 01:10:30,977
(MAC GROANS)

1876
01:10:33,646 --> 01:10:34,943
Okay.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

1877
01:10:35,273 --> 01:10:37,651
Now if we do this correctly,

1878
01:10:37,817 --> 01:10:41,492
the force from that airbag should
blast us straight through that vent.

1879
01:10:42,029 --> 01:10:44,498
Okay. Who's gonna do it?

1880
01:10:44,657 --> 01:10:46,659
(SIGHS) I'm gonna do it.
Thank God.

1881
01:10:46,826 --> 01:10:48,294
I don't think
I could do this-.

1882
01:10:49,787 --> 01:10:51,255
You okay, man?

1883
01:10:51,539 --> 01:10:53,883
Are we gonna still
hang out after this?

1884
01:10:54,041 --> 01:10:56,009
Are you gonna
wanna hang out with me?

1885
01:10:56,169 --> 01:10:57,512
Yeah.

1886
01:10:57,670 --> 01:11:00,219
And like even though,
like, the war is over,

1887
01:11:00,381 --> 01:11:03,385
I wanna, sort of, be of
value, you know, to you?

1888
01:11:04,302 --> 01:11:05,519
Yeah.

1889
01:11:07,472 --> 01:11:08,724
Prove it.

1890
01:11:09,015 --> 01:11:10,358
Prove what?

1891
01:11:11,392 --> 01:11:12,484
Hug me.

1892
01:11:14,228 --> 01:11:15,354
I'm good.

1893
01:11:15,730 --> 01:11:17,027
Give me a hug.

1894
01:11:17,190 --> 01:11:18,692
Give me a real hug.

1895
01:11:18,858 --> 01:11:20,235
What does that do?

1896
01:11:20,401 --> 01:11:22,403
It solidifies the bond, bro.

1897
01:11:22,612 --> 01:11:23,704
(SIGHS)

1898
01:11:24,197 --> 01:11:25,369
Bring it in.

1899
01:11:28,701 --> 01:11:31,045
I appreciate you man.
Thank you.

1900
01:11:32,205 --> 01:11:34,048
This is actually really nice.

1901
01:11:36,667 --> 01:11:39,170
Oh, man.
This just feels good.

1902
01:11:39,587 --> 01:11:41,385
Yeah, I like that.
Boom! Yeah! (GROWLING)

1903
01:11:41,547 --> 01:11:43,720
TEDDY: That's it. Powerful.
Power. Yeah!

1904
01:11:44,717 --> 01:11:46,310
Yeah!

1905
01:11:46,511 --> 01:11:47,683
Yeah!

1906
01:11:47,762 --> 01:11:49,435
All right, that's a little much.

1907
01:11:49,597 --> 01:11:50,849
Thanks, buddy!

1908
01:11:51,015 --> 01:11:53,234
Oh, dude. I like this
broing down shit.

1909
01:11:53,392 --> 01:11:55,190
Dude, we are bros, okay?
Yes.

1910
01:11:55,353 --> 01:11:57,071
Let's do this man!
All right.

1911
01:11:57,230 --> 01:11:58,527
Okay, before you do this,

1912
01:11:58,689 --> 01:12:01,693
maybe just make 100% sure that...
(BREATHING DEEPLY)

1913
01:12:01,776 --> 01:12:03,278
you're all lined up.

1914
01:12:03,444 --> 01:12:04,570
Get ready?

1915
01:12:04,695 --> 01:12:07,824
One! Two! And three! Two! Three!

1916
01:12:08,991 --> 01:12:10,538
Oh, God!
(GROANING)

1917
01:12:10,785 --> 01:12:12,787
Oh, no!
Are you okay?

1918
01:12:13,037 --> 01:12:14,710
I'm fine. I'm fine.

1919
01:12:14,872 --> 01:12:16,215
I'm fine. I got this.

1920
01:12:16,374 --> 01:12:17,717
No, you don't got this at all.

1921
01:12:17,792 --> 01:12:19,419
You for sure have
a concussion, man.

1922
01:12:19,585 --> 01:12:22,134
Dude. I'm okay. I
just need 10 minutes.

1923
01:12:22,338 --> 01:12:23,578
No! I'm gonna
take it from here.

1924
01:12:28,928 --> 01:12:30,350
(SOFTLY) Be careful.

1925
01:12:31,806 --> 01:12:32,807
Okay.

1926
01:12:33,933 --> 01:12:35,276
It's time.

1927
01:12:36,561 --> 01:12:38,154
(BREATHING DEEPLY)

1928
01:12:44,110 --> 01:12:45,953
(SOFTLY) Time to save my family.

1929
01:12:46,529 --> 01:12:47,530
(GRUNTS)

1930
01:12:49,907 --> 01:12:50,908
(GROANS)

1931
01:12:50,992 --> 01:12:52,118
KELLY: Are you okay?

1932
01:12:52,285 --> 01:12:53,411
It worked!

1933
01:12:55,413 --> 01:12:56,630
Oh, God.

1934
01:12:56,956 --> 01:12:58,003
(EXHALES DEEPLY)

1935
01:12:58,958 --> 01:12:59,959
Whoo.

1936
01:13:00,084 --> 01:13:01,836
Hey, girls!
Guess what?

1937
01:13:02,003 --> 01:13:03,596
I got rid of the old people.

1938
01:13:03,754 --> 01:13:05,631
They're trapped in
the garage. We're fine.

1939
01:13:05,798 --> 01:13:06,799
What is that?

1940
01:13:06,966 --> 01:13:08,246
MEN: (CHANTING)
Boob! Boob! Boob!

1941
01:13:12,638 --> 01:13:13,639
This party sucks.

1942
01:13:14,265 --> 01:13:15,938
I can't be here anymore.

1943
01:13:16,100 --> 01:13:17,352
Guys, guys.
We're good.

1944
01:13:17,435 --> 01:13:18,482
Are we though?

1945
01:13:18,644 --> 01:13:19,987
MAN: Wet T-shirt contest!

1946
01:13:21,314 --> 01:13:22,486
No! Stop!

1947
01:13:22,648 --> 01:13:24,168
You're all winners.
You're all winners.

1948
01:13:24,317 --> 01:13:25,489
Yeah, baby!

1949
01:13:25,693 --> 01:13:27,161
I think I'm quitting-.

1950
01:13:27,320 --> 01:13:28,321
Yeah, I'm quitting, too.

1951
01:13:28,487 --> 01:13:29,488
I'm out.

1952
01:13:29,614 --> 01:13:31,491
No! You all can't quit.
We'll figure it out!

1953
01:13:31,657 --> 01:13:32,783
Wait!

1954
01:13:32,909 --> 01:13:35,549
SHELBY: Wait! Girls, let's just
talk about this for a second. Okay?

1955
01:13:35,578 --> 01:13:37,046
Stop it! Slow down!

1956
01:13:37,204 --> 01:13:38,330
Hold up! Stop!

1957
01:13:38,497 --> 01:13:40,875
Just stop moving!
Okay? Look...

1958
01:13:41,417 --> 01:13:43,886
Oh, God. The party's
even bigger.

1959
01:13:44,837 --> 01:13:46,009
(GROANING)

1960
01:13:46,547 --> 01:13:48,015
What the fuck?
What happened?

1961
01:13:48,174 --> 01:13:49,551
I've been roofied,
so if anyone's

1962
01:13:49,634 --> 01:13:51,181
ever wanted to have sex with me,

1963
01:13:51,260 --> 01:13:52,432
tonight's the night.

1964
01:13:52,511 --> 01:13:53,864
SHELBY: The plan is
almost done, okay?

1965
01:13:53,888 --> 01:13:56,482
I got the old people away.
Everything's fine.

1966
01:13:56,557 --> 01:13:57,649
We're Kappa Nu.

1967
01:13:57,725 --> 01:14:00,444
This isn't Kappa Nu-This
is not what we set out for.

1968
01:14:00,519 --> 01:14:02,487
That's what? That's it?
You're gonna quit?

1969
01:14:02,563 --> 01:14:04,531
Oh, come on. Don't blame us.
You ruined this-

1970
01:14:04,607 --> 01:14:06,109
I look like Nicki Minaj!

1971
01:14:06,192 --> 01:14:07,614
I look like Snooki.

1972
01:14:07,693 --> 01:14:10,367
I was the only one trying to save this.
This was all my idea.

1973
01:14:10,446 --> 01:14:12,574
You're literally
running away to quit.

1974
01:14:12,698 --> 01:14:13,967
Whole fucking thing's imploding.

1975
01:14:13,991 --> 01:14:16,369
So we're gonna destroy
their friendship?

1976
01:14:16,494 --> 01:14:18,167
No, we're just...

1977
01:14:18,245 --> 01:14:19,462
<i>We got escrows,</i> dude.

1978
01:14:20,206 --> 01:14:23,335
We tried. We tried our <i>asses</i> off.
This <i>is</i> not gonna work.

1979
01:14:23,417 --> 01:14:26,717
The whole system is against us
and that's all there is to it-

1980
01:14:26,796 --> 01:14:28,969
All right. I give up.

1981
01:14:29,715 --> 01:14:32,389
We live in a sexist world and there
is nothing we can do about it.

1982
01:14:32,468 --> 01:14:34,061
I can't believe
this is actually over.

1983
01:14:34,428 --> 01:14:35,896
And now I'm gonna
lose all my friends

1984
01:14:36,013 --> 01:14:37,532
and it's gonna be just
like I was in high school.

1985
01:14:37,556 --> 01:14:38,899
I just wish we had never started

1986
01:14:38,975 --> 01:14:40,727
this stupid sorority
in the first place.

1987
01:14:40,810 --> 01:14:41,936
I don't like this.

1988
01:14:42,019 --> 01:14:43,271
They shouldn't be saying that.

1989
01:14:43,354 --> 01:14:44,571
They're just kids.

1990
01:14:45,356 --> 01:14:46,357
SHELBY: No, it's over.

1991
01:14:47,066 --> 01:14:48,409
(SIGHS)
No, it's done.

1992
01:14:48,567 --> 01:14:50,911
Hey, hey,
hey! Ladies!

1993
01:14:52,571 --> 01:14:53,663
Get your shit together!

1994
01:14:53,739 --> 01:14:55,082
What's with the meltdown?

1995
01:14:55,658 --> 01:14:58,787
You're strong, powerful women and
you're trying to buck the system.

1996
01:14:58,869 --> 01:15:01,748
You're just away from home for the
first time and you're scared.

1997
01:15:01,831 --> 01:15:03,003
I am scared.

1998
01:15:03,082 --> 01:15:04,208
You got this.

1999
01:15:04,291 --> 01:15:06,269
You know what the right thing to do is.
You know what's right.

2000
01:15:06,293 --> 01:15:07,437
We know the right
decision to make.

2001
01:15:07,461 --> 01:15:08,508
NORA: We know it.

2002
01:15:08,587 --> 01:15:09,907
What's the right
decision to make?

2003
01:15:10,089 --> 01:15:11,762
Don't give up on yourselves.

2004
01:15:11,924 --> 01:15:13,221
Give us a little more.

2005
01:15:13,300 --> 01:15:14,736
You get knocked down,
you get up again.

2006
01:15:14,760 --> 01:15:16,762
They're never
gonna keep you down.

2007
01:15:16,971 --> 01:15:18,973
I did. BETH: Did you
just make that up?

2008
01:15:19,056 --> 01:15:20,478
Kelly.

2009
01:15:20,683 --> 01:15:22,651
Tell them to make
out with each other.

2010
01:15:23,728 --> 01:15:26,322
Tell them the house isn't
Kappa Nu, they are.

2011
01:15:26,647 --> 01:15:29,446
This house isn't your
sorority, you are!

2012
01:15:29,608 --> 01:15:31,155
No, the mom is right.

2013
01:15:31,360 --> 01:15:32,587
Why are we doing this right now?

2014
01:15:32,611 --> 01:15:34,172
Why don't we just throw
the party we wanna throw

2015
01:15:34,196 --> 01:15:35,924
and worry about what's
gonna happen tomorrow?

2016
01:15:35,948 --> 01:15:37,495
It doesn't matter
if we lose that.

2017
01:15:37,575 --> 01:15:40,419
It matters if we lose this.

2018
01:15:45,458 --> 01:15:46,926
(NORA CRYING)

2019
01:15:47,168 --> 01:15:49,421
SHELBY: You guys.
BETH: I'm so happy.

2020
01:15:49,587 --> 01:15:51,260
(GIRLS GIGGLING)

2021
01:15:51,464 --> 01:15:52,465
SHELBY: Ooh...

2022
01:15:52,548 --> 01:15:53,800
Sisters' hug!

2023
01:15:53,883 --> 01:15:56,477
(CHUCKLING) I wanna see
them kiss so fucking bad.

2024
01:15:56,927 --> 01:15:59,281
CHRISTINE: All right, let's kick all
these douchebags out of our house-

2025
01:15:59,305 --> 01:16:01,558
Good speech, sweetie!
Thanks, baby.

2026
01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:02,687
Where did that come from?

2027
01:16:02,808 --> 01:16:03,855
We have a daughter, baby.

2028
01:16:03,934 --> 01:16:05,120
What happens with
our escrows now?

2029
01:16:05,144 --> 01:16:07,372
I don't know, but I think it's
the best possible outcome.

2030
01:16:07,396 --> 01:16:08,397
Okay.

2031
01:16:09,648 --> 01:16:11,992
PAULA: Jimmy! Jimmy!
Where are you?

2032
01:16:12,234 --> 01:16:13,611
Oh, fuck! Paula.

2033
01:16:17,406 --> 01:16:20,285
Guys, I think I was wrong.

2034
01:16:20,451 --> 01:16:21,748
It's not the McRib.

2035
01:16:22,661 --> 01:16:24,254
Oh, my God! No!

2036
01:16:24,330 --> 01:16:25,582
MAC: (MUFFLED)
Oh, God!

2037
01:16:25,664 --> 01:16:27,257
It's got my foot!

2038
01:16:27,416 --> 01:16:29,384
It's a breech! It's a breech!
Ugh!

2039
01:16:30,002 --> 01:16:32,221
Go to the hospital!

2040
01:16:32,421 --> 01:16:34,344
I love you.
I love you!

2041
01:16:34,882 --> 01:16:37,180
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

2042
01:17:04,662 --> 01:17:06,039
Are we gonna lose our house?

2043
01:17:06,205 --> 01:17:08,674
I mean we have no money, so we're
definitely losing it. Yeah.

2044
01:17:08,749 --> 01:17:10,877
Well, we better blow it out!

2045
01:17:13,295 --> 01:17:16,139
Guys, this party is
amazing. You did it.

2046
01:17:16,215 --> 01:17:19,435
The first sorority that can party.
We'd all love to join.

2047
01:17:19,510 --> 01:17:20,557
Who's "we"?

2048
01:17:23,806 --> 01:17:25,103
(ALL CHEERING)

2049
01:17:25,266 --> 01:17:26,313
(CHUCKLES)

2050
01:17:26,392 --> 01:17:29,737
Uh, drop your dues in the
bucket if you wanna join.

2051
01:17:29,895 --> 01:17:31,147
Do we have to wear hoodies?

2052
01:17:31,313 --> 01:17:33,736
I mean, no offense to you guys,
but I like to dress pretty.

2053
01:17:33,899 --> 01:17:36,573
No, dude. You can totally
wear whatever you want.

2054
01:17:36,944 --> 01:17:38,491
Welcome to Kappa Nu.
(ALL GIGGLING)

2055
01:17:38,571 --> 01:17:39,914
Welcome, you guys!

2056
01:17:40,281 --> 01:17:41,624
(ALL CHEERING)

2057
01:17:43,450 --> 01:17:44,667
NORA: Oh, my God!

2058
01:17:44,743 --> 01:17:45,744
Come in.

2059
01:17:45,911 --> 01:17:48,664
Money in the bucket. Just
some money in the bucket.

2060
01:17:48,747 --> 01:17:50,465
Yeah, just throw it
in the bucket.

2061
01:17:51,417 --> 01:17:53,340
(GIRLS CHEERING)

2062
01:17:53,419 --> 01:17:55,262
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

2063
01:18:03,846 --> 01:18:04,847
Hey, Pete.

2064
01:18:04,930 --> 01:18:06,056
Pete.

2065
01:18:06,223 --> 01:18:07,725
Pete, wake up, man.

2066
01:18:08,267 --> 01:18:09,268
(WHISPERING) Pete.

2067
01:18:09,435 --> 01:18:10,857
Dude, what the fuck?

2068
01:18:10,936 --> 01:18:12,279
(STAMMERING)
What are you doing?

2069
01:18:12,438 --> 01:18:14,190
Just calm down.
Just listen.

2070
01:18:14,356 --> 01:18:16,108
(BREATHILY)
I'm sorry, okay?

2071
01:18:16,275 --> 01:18:17,948
I'm sorry.

2072
01:18:18,110 --> 01:18:19,202
When you two got engaged,

2073
01:18:19,278 --> 01:18:20,905
I was in a bad place

2074
01:18:21,071 --> 01:18:23,290
and I thought I was
losing my best friend.

2075
01:18:23,449 --> 01:18:26,328
Then I realized I'm
never gonna lose you

2076
01:18:27,077 --> 01:18:28,829
because we're brothers.

2077
01:18:29,580 --> 01:18:30,797
Forever.

2078
01:18:31,290 --> 01:18:33,042
Right?
For life.

2079
01:18:33,959 --> 01:18:35,757
I'm not losing a best friend,

2080
01:18:35,836 --> 01:18:37,964
I'm gaining a best
friend's husband.

2081
01:18:40,299 --> 01:18:41,425
DARREN:
Motherfucker!

2082
01:18:41,467 --> 01:18:44,141
Hey, hey, hey! It's okay.
It's all right. (GASPS)

2083
01:18:44,303 --> 01:18:45,530
Teddy and I are just making up.

2084
01:18:45,554 --> 01:18:46,646
Okay.

2085
01:18:47,848 --> 01:18:49,225
(DARREN BREATHING HEAVILY)

2086
01:18:49,808 --> 01:18:51,651
Um, can I ask you something?

2087
01:18:52,228 --> 01:18:53,275
Yeah, man.

2088
01:18:55,397 --> 01:18:59,322
Would you maybe
wanna be my best man?

2089
01:19:00,736 --> 01:19:02,454
Holy shit. Really?
Yeah.

2090
01:19:02,613 --> 01:19:03,798
Yes, I'll be your
best man, dude.

2091
01:19:03,822 --> 01:19:05,995
I love you.
Love you, dude.

2092
01:19:06,158 --> 01:19:07,501
You, too!

2093
01:19:07,660 --> 01:19:09,958
Come over here.
PETE: Get over here!

2094
01:19:10,120 --> 01:19:12,088
I have two brothers now.
(PETE CHUCKLES)

2095
01:19:12,581 --> 01:19:13,582
(KNOCKING)

2096
01:19:13,666 --> 01:19:15,885
(MUSIC PLAYING OUTSIDE)

2097
01:19:20,673 --> 01:19:23,017
I see your shitty
be-yourself party

2098
01:19:23,175 --> 01:19:25,803
is even more popular than
your fucking sell-out party.

2099
01:19:25,970 --> 01:19:26,971
So, that's fantastic.

2100
01:19:27,096 --> 01:19:29,690
Actually, it's really
good for you

2101
01:19:29,848 --> 01:19:33,478
because we are prepared to give
back to you for helping us

2102
01:19:33,686 --> 01:19:36,360
with your escrowdom.

2103
01:19:36,855 --> 01:19:38,857
We've made a shit ton of money,

2104
01:19:38,983 --> 01:19:40,985
eight buckets,
actually, full of money,

2105
01:19:41,151 --> 01:19:42,869
and we have way too
many people wanting

2106
01:19:42,987 --> 01:19:44,667
to join our sorority
than we have room for.

2107
01:19:44,822 --> 01:19:46,862
Yeah, we can actually afford
to fill two houses now-

2108
01:19:47,032 --> 01:19:49,956
Can we rent your
house for overflow?

2109
01:19:50,119 --> 01:19:52,713
SHELBY: Yeah.
NORA: Just an idea.

2110
01:19:52,871 --> 01:19:57,547
We are prepared to offer you four
buckets of money per month in rent.

2111
01:19:57,626 --> 01:19:58,627
(SOFTLY) Five.

2112
01:19:59,712 --> 01:20:01,464
Five. We'll do it
for five buckets.

2113
01:20:01,630 --> 01:20:03,382
Per month. Five
buckets per month.

2114
01:20:03,549 --> 01:20:05,017
Five buckets it is.

2115
01:20:05,175 --> 01:20:08,145
Fuck, yes!
Eat shit! We win!

2116
01:20:08,721 --> 01:20:09,768
Give us more!

2117
01:20:09,888 --> 01:20:11,060
You can do this every month?

2118
01:20:11,140 --> 01:20:12,141
When can we move in?

2119
01:20:12,224 --> 01:20:14,443
Right now! Who cares?
Give us the money! Yes!

2120
01:20:14,518 --> 01:20:16,638
KELLY: We're gonna be landlords!
How hard could it be?

2121
01:20:17,396 --> 01:20:18,739
Fuck it.
Fuck you!

2122
01:20:18,981 --> 01:20:20,403
(ALL GIGGLING)

2123
01:20:21,233 --> 01:20:22,234
Thank you!

2124
01:20:22,401 --> 01:20:24,620
Overflow party!

2125
01:20:25,612 --> 01:20:27,205
(GIRLS CHEERING)

2126
01:20:45,382 --> 01:20:46,383
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

2127
01:20:46,675 --> 01:20:48,097
MAC: Oh, man.

2128
01:20:48,385 --> 01:20:50,228
I'm gonna miss this place.

2129
01:20:50,763 --> 01:20:52,606
Our first house.

2130
01:20:52,765 --> 01:20:54,187
When Stella was a little baby.

2131
01:20:54,350 --> 01:20:55,351
Mmm-hmm.

2132
01:20:55,517 --> 01:20:56,997
That's where she
took her first steps.

2133
01:20:57,102 --> 01:20:58,399
MAC: Yep.

2134
01:20:58,604 --> 01:21:00,044
That's where she
said her first word.

2135
01:21:00,105 --> 01:21:01,152
(MAC CHUCKLES)

2136
01:21:01,231 --> 01:21:03,529
Those are the little notches
when she was growing taller.

2137
01:21:03,692 --> 01:21:05,035
You see your little notches?

2138
01:21:05,194 --> 01:21:06,787
Remember those, Stels?

2139
01:21:08,113 --> 01:21:09,114
(BREATHES DEEPLY)

2140
01:21:09,573 --> 01:21:11,371
It's all going by so fast, huh?

2141
01:21:11,533 --> 01:21:12,785
Yeah, it's crazy.

2142
01:21:12,951 --> 01:21:13,952
Yep.

2143
01:21:14,495 --> 01:21:15,496
Okay.

2144
01:21:15,579 --> 01:21:16,922
MAC: Let's go.

2145
01:21:17,081 --> 01:21:18,583
Come this way?

2146
01:21:37,226 --> 01:21:38,569
MAC: It's our new house!

2147
01:21:38,644 --> 01:21:40,692
KELLY: You can't even
see the neighbours.

2148
01:21:46,235 --> 01:21:49,079
You know what? I think
we are good parents.

2149
01:21:49,154 --> 01:21:50,906
I mean, we parented Teddy.

2150
01:21:50,989 --> 01:21:53,833
We parented 30
crazy sorority girls.

2151
01:21:54,118 --> 01:21:55,745
Well, we're trying.
Yeah.

2152
01:21:55,828 --> 01:21:57,138
Because that's all
you can do, right?

2153
01:21:57,162 --> 01:21:58,379
I think so.

2154
01:21:58,455 --> 01:22:00,583
The truth is, it doesn't
even matter if we're

2155
01:22:00,666 --> 01:22:02,293
good parents or not,
because one day,

2156
01:22:02,376 --> 01:22:03,844
our daughters are
going to look at us

2157
01:22:04,002 --> 01:22:05,424
just like those
sorority girls do.

2158
01:22:05,504 --> 01:22:07,427
They're not gonna want
anything to do with us.

2159
01:22:07,506 --> 01:22:09,099
They're not gonna
wanna talk to us.

2160
01:22:09,174 --> 01:22:10,266
It breaks my heart.

2161
01:22:10,342 --> 01:22:11,343
STELLA: Momma.

2162
01:22:13,011 --> 01:22:14,012
Are you scared?

2163
01:22:14,513 --> 01:22:15,605
I'm scared.

2164
01:22:15,681 --> 01:22:16,682
MAC: Come on, sweetie.

2165
01:22:16,849 --> 01:22:17,850
(STELLA GIGGLING)

2166
01:22:19,852 --> 01:22:21,195
Come on,
sweetie. (GRUNTS)

2167
01:22:22,146 --> 01:22:24,069
Hey, cheeky girl!

2168
01:22:24,148 --> 01:22:25,695
Hey, sweetie.
How are you?

2169
01:22:25,858 --> 01:22:26,960
MAC: Do you wanna
go to sleep?

2170
01:22:26,984 --> 01:22:28,128
KELLY: Do you want
to go to sleep?

2171
01:22:28,152 --> 01:22:29,369
Not yet.

2172
01:22:29,445 --> 01:22:31,743
Not yet? You wanna just hang
out for a little bit more?

2173
01:22:33,490 --> 01:22:34,730
Can you play
Peek-a-boo? (GASPS)

2174
01:22:35,075 --> 01:22:36,076
Peek-a-boo!

2175
01:22:36,660 --> 01:22:38,287
(ALL CHUCKLING)

2176
01:22:38,537 --> 01:22:39,709
Ooh.

2177
01:22:40,581 --> 01:22:41,833
Peek-a-boo!

2178
01:22:42,249 --> 01:22:43,546
Peek-a-boo!
(SOBBING)

2179
01:22:44,585 --> 01:22:45,677
Peek-a-boo!

2180
01:22:45,919 --> 01:22:47,921
You'll always be really
nice to us, won't you?

2181
01:22:48,005 --> 01:22:49,357
You'll always be our
best friend, right?

2182
01:22:49,381 --> 01:22:51,181
We'll always have things
to talk about, right?

2183
01:22:51,383 --> 01:22:52,384
Mmm-hmm.

2184
01:22:53,218 --> 01:22:54,561
(BOTH CRYING)

2185
01:23:02,186 --> 01:23:03,483
Hey!
Hey, sweetie!

2186
01:23:03,562 --> 01:23:04,859
Hey, sweetie!

2187
01:23:05,022 --> 01:23:06,239
I'm not sad.

2188
01:23:06,398 --> 01:23:07,615
MAC: No, I'm fine.

2189
01:23:08,150 --> 01:23:10,619
I love you, sweetie.

2190
01:23:11,069 --> 01:23:12,446
Love you.

2191
01:23:23,248 --> 01:23:24,851
How do you feel'? Good?
(PETE INHALES DEEPLY)

2192
01:23:24,875 --> 01:23:26,297
Yeah.

2193
01:23:26,376 --> 01:23:28,128
The nerves are kicking
in a little bit.

2194
01:23:28,212 --> 01:23:30,260
Well, you look great.
Thanks! (SIGHING)

2195
01:23:30,422 --> 01:23:32,641
You all right? You
seem really nervous.

2196
01:23:32,716 --> 01:23:34,718
I'm having a little
bit of a meltdown.

2197
01:23:34,927 --> 01:23:36,679
Just remember, man,

2198
01:23:38,222 --> 01:23:40,395
Darren loves you more than
anyone in the entire world-

2199
01:23:41,683 --> 01:23:43,606
Darren cherishes his
friendship with you.

2200
01:23:45,187 --> 01:23:47,906
Darren can't imagine
his life without you.

2201
01:23:49,483 --> 01:23:52,532
And Darren is proud
to call you his best friend.

2202
01:23:52,611 --> 01:23:54,238
You're not talking
about Darren, are you?

2203
01:23:54,321 --> 01:23:55,413
No, not really.

2204
01:23:56,281 --> 01:23:57,783
Let's get you
married though, huh?

2205
01:23:59,117 --> 01:24:01,165
All right, everybody.
Look alive, look alive!

2206
01:24:01,245 --> 01:24:05,250
We have Groom One and he is ready
to walk along with his best man.

2207
01:24:05,415 --> 01:24:06,462
You ready for us?

2208
01:24:06,625 --> 01:24:09,094
I'm proud of you, man.
You found your niche.

2209
01:24:09,211 --> 01:24:10,891
This just seemed like
a logical conclusion.

2210
01:24:10,963 --> 01:24:12,055
Gay wedding planning.

2211
01:24:12,130 --> 01:24:14,804
It's a great job, and you can
do it with a criminal record-

2212
01:24:14,883 --> 01:24:16,885
My only skill is
planning parties.

2213
01:24:16,969 --> 01:24:20,519
And, for some reason, gay guys
specifically, they just respond to me.

2214
01:24:20,639 --> 01:24:22,437
It's because you're a great guy.

2215
01:24:22,766 --> 01:24:23,892
Thanks, man.

2216
01:24:23,976 --> 01:24:25,870
And they probably wanna
fuck the shit out of you.

2217
01:24:25,894 --> 01:24:27,737
Hey, I didn't say it.

2218
01:24:27,813 --> 01:24:28,985
You did.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)

2219
01:24:29,773 --> 01:24:30,865
Delta Psi.

2220
01:24:31,191 --> 01:24:32,659
Delta Psi.

2221
01:24:33,318 --> 01:24:34,945
Let's get you married, okay?

2222
01:24:35,112 --> 01:24:36,204
Yes. Let's do it.

2223
01:24:36,280 --> 01:24:37,452
And we are walking.

2224
01:24:39,157 --> 01:24:41,251
MAC: Hey, guys, we're
home with baby Mildred!

2225
01:24:41,785 --> 01:24:43,708
Welcome home!
How's it going?

2226
01:24:43,787 --> 01:24:44,788
How was the birth?

2227
01:24:45,038 --> 01:24:47,166
It's over now.
Yes.

2228
01:24:47,249 --> 01:24:48,341
Did you shit on the table?

2229
01:24:48,417 --> 01:24:50,294
No.
Me neither.

2230
01:24:50,377 --> 01:24:51,378
(EXCLAIMING)
Pro.

2231
01:24:51,461 --> 01:24:53,054
(WHISPERING)
So much shit.

2232
01:24:54,881 --> 01:24:57,009
Aw. You got a present for
your new little sister?

2233
01:24:57,175 --> 01:24:58,802
Baby's first dildo.

2234
01:24:58,885 --> 01:25:00,558
MAC: Thank you, Stella.

2235
01:25:00,637 --> 01:25:02,355
Oh, my God. You guys
are just like us.

2236
01:25:03,056 --> 01:25:04,148
JIMMY: Go on,
show them.

2237
01:25:04,224 --> 01:25:06,352
This is
Jimmy Jr.'s favorite.

2238
01:25:07,060 --> 01:25:10,234
We kind of have a "no veins
rule" with our vibrators.

2239
01:25:10,314 --> 01:25:11,874
Maybe get one without a
ball sack attached to it.

2240
01:25:11,898 --> 01:25:14,777
Put that away.
Put it away.

2241
01:25:14,985 --> 01:25:18,034
Are you ready to meet
your cousin, Jimmy Jr}?

2242
01:25:18,697 --> 01:25:19,914
Look at her.

2243
01:25:21,033 --> 01:25:23,877
JIMMY: Look at this.
Families are meeting.

2244
01:25:24,911 --> 01:25:26,629
Look at that.
Oh, my God.

2245
01:25:26,705 --> 01:25:29,003
MAC: (CARTOONISH VOICE) “Hi, Jimmy Jr.
I'm Mildred."

2246
01:25:29,249 --> 01:25:30,250
Cute.

2247
01:25:30,542 --> 01:25:33,967
JIMMY: (CARTOONISH VOICE) "Hi, Mildred.
One day, we are going to fuck!"

2248
01:25:34,046 --> 01:25:35,690
MAC: (CARTOONISH VOICE) "No,
that's never going to happen

2249
01:25:35,714 --> 01:25:38,092
"because my parents are gonna
teach me to respect myself

2250
01:25:38,175 --> 01:25:39,973
"and stay away
from guys like you."

2251
01:25:40,052 --> 01:25:41,554
I could do this all day.
I could, too.

2252
01:25:41,720 --> 01:25:43,197
We're gonna go. We're gonna
get out of your hair.

2253
01:25:43,221 --> 01:25:45,064
Thank you for watching Stella.
Thank you, guys.

2254
01:25:45,223 --> 01:25:46,520
Oh, my God. Anytime.

2255
01:25:46,600 --> 01:25:47,647
Bye. She's beautiful.

2256
01:25:47,726 --> 01:25:49,478
Thanks, you guys.
Thanks, guys.

2257
01:25:49,895 --> 01:25:51,021
JIMMY: Bye.
(SIGHS)

2258
01:25:52,064 --> 01:25:53,407
We did it.
We did it.

2259
01:25:53,482 --> 01:25:55,234
We had another kid.
We got another one.

2260
01:25:56,068 --> 01:25:57,411
I love you.
I love you.

2261
01:25:58,654 --> 01:26:01,407
Stella, you wanna
kiss your sister? Hey.