1 00:00:39.258 --> 00:00:41.749 Billy Boy! Get your ass ready. 2 00:00:41.827 --> 00:00:44.694 It's almost 5:00, and this bad boy needs to get his drink on. 3 00:00:44.764 --> 00:00:46.857 - No, no, no. Give me that. - Don't. 4 00:00:46.932 --> 00:00:49.162 - I'm gonna burn it once and for all. - Stop that. 5 00:00:49.235 --> 00:00:51.863 Dude, it's been six months. It's time to move on, okay? 6 00:00:51.937 --> 00:00:54.098 Whatever. Even if I wanted to meet other women, 7 00:00:54.173 --> 00:00:55.470 I wouldn't even know what to do. 8 00:00:55.541 --> 00:00:57.441 I've been out of the game for so long. 9 00:00:57.510 --> 00:01:00.502 Dude, you come out with me tonight, I promise you will get laid. 10 00:01:00.579 --> 00:01:02.638 Yeah, it sounds very tempting, 11 00:01:02.715 --> 00:01:04.512 but Berenson needs me to update these financial models 12 00:01:04.583 --> 00:01:06.244 for the meeting with the foreign investors. 13 00:01:06.318 --> 00:01:07.785 So what? It's Friday night. 14 00:01:07.853 --> 00:01:09.582 The Germans are taking an early flight back. 15 00:01:09.655 --> 00:01:11.247 The meeting got changed to tomorrow. 16 00:01:11.323 --> 00:01:13.154 So? Why don't you just get somebody else 17 00:01:13.225 --> 00:01:14.783 to do your work for you? 18 00:01:14.860 --> 00:01:16.088 Who? 19 00:01:16.162 --> 00:01:20.189 Harold, I need you to update those models for me. 20 00:01:20.266 --> 00:01:22.894 - Billy, aren't you supposed to... - I know. Something just came up. 21 00:01:22.968 --> 00:01:25.061 I have this meeting with these new clients tonight, 22 00:01:25.137 --> 00:01:27.935 and I'm never gonna have time to get to those. 23 00:01:28.007 --> 00:01:30.567 So that's your responsibility now, big boy. 24 00:01:30.643 --> 00:01:33.407 Make sure those are in by 9:00 sharp tomorrow. 25 00:01:33.479 --> 00:01:35.777 With all the downsizing that's been going on around here, 26 00:01:35.848 --> 00:01:38.976 we wouldn't want to have to tell Berenson you've been slacking, now would we? 27 00:01:45.858 --> 00:01:47.382 Yeah. 28 00:01:47.460 --> 00:01:49.360 Okay, no problem. 29 00:01:49.428 --> 00:01:50.793 Hey. 30 00:01:50.863 --> 00:01:53.195 You have a great weekend, okay, buddy? 31 00:01:53.265 --> 00:01:55.893 I owe you one. Just one. 32 00:01:56.402 --> 00:01:57.391 Thank you. 33 00:02:05.778 --> 00:02:09.305 Wow! That was amazing. I cannot believe how easy that was. 34 00:02:09.381 --> 00:02:11.542 Dude, how do you think I get all my shit done? 35 00:02:11.617 --> 00:02:13.778 I'm telling you, those Asian guys love crunching numbers. 36 00:02:13.853 --> 00:02:15.844 You probably just made his weekend. 37 00:02:17.756 --> 00:02:19.155 Chick magnet 38 00:02:19.225 --> 00:02:21.887 Chick magnet. Chick magnet 39 00:02:21.961 --> 00:02:24.293 Chick magnet. Yeah 40 00:02:24.363 --> 00:02:25.660 Fuck. 41 00:02:26.532 --> 00:02:28.261 An excellent point, Mr. Patel. 42 00:02:28.334 --> 00:02:30.859 You are one of the finest applicants I have ever interviewed. 43 00:02:30.936 --> 00:02:32.130 Thank you. 44 00:02:32.204 --> 00:02:36.231 It comes as no surprise. Your father is highly respected in his field. 45 00:02:36.308 --> 00:02:37.969 As you probably heard from your old man, 46 00:02:38.043 --> 00:02:41.171 he and I had some pretty wild times back in med school. 47 00:02:41.247 --> 00:02:42.407 Really? 48 00:02:42.481 --> 00:02:45.507 Yeah. We started our own basketball team... 49 00:02:45.584 --> 00:02:47.518 the Hemoglobin Trotters. 50 00:02:48.053 --> 00:02:50.613 Hemo-globin Trotters... get it? 51 00:02:50.689 --> 00:02:56.059 A play on the name of the famous colored, Negro basketball squad... 52 00:02:56.128 --> 00:02:58.358 black, African-American. 53 00:02:58.430 --> 00:03:01.160 You know, people of colors. 54 00:03:01.233 --> 00:03:04.828 Let's end up with one final question, just as a formality. 55 00:03:04.904 --> 00:03:08.840 What are some potential symptoms of pancreatitis? 56 00:03:08.908 --> 00:03:11.900 Well, you would have epigastric tenderness, 57 00:03:11.977 --> 00:03:13.808 diffuse abdominal tenderness... 58 00:03:14.580 --> 00:03:16.844 I'm sorry. Can you hold on one second? 59 00:03:18.784 --> 00:03:20.376 Kumar's phone. Kumar speaking. 60 00:03:20.452 --> 00:03:22.215 Hey, what's up? It's me. What are you doing? 61 00:03:22.288 --> 00:03:24.381 Nothing important. I can talk. What's going on? 62 00:03:24.456 --> 00:03:28.722 Listen, I can't party tonight, okay? I gotta stay late at the office. 63 00:03:28.794 --> 00:03:30.728 Dude, fuck that shit. We had plans. 64 00:03:30.796 --> 00:03:32.821 I know, but I got a lot of work to do. 65 00:03:32.898 --> 00:03:36.299 When has getting high ever prevented you from doing your work? 66 00:03:36.368 --> 00:03:37.357 Jesus! 67 00:03:38.771 --> 00:03:41.035 Believe me. I would love to come home. Okay? 68 00:03:41.106 --> 00:03:42.869 - I got a lot of work to do. - Thank you. I'll do that. 69 00:03:42.942 --> 00:03:45.035 I got a quarter of the finest herb in New York City. 70 00:03:45.110 --> 00:03:46.805 I'm not smoking that shit alone, okay? 71 00:03:46.879 --> 00:03:49.609 So you need to just chill the fuck out and prepare to get blazed 72 00:03:49.682 --> 00:03:51.274 because in the next couple of hours, 73 00:03:51.350 --> 00:03:53.477 I expect both of us to be blitzed out of our skulls, got it? 74 00:03:53.552 --> 00:03:54.746 All right, I got it. 75 00:03:54.820 --> 00:03:57.254 I'll talk to you later. Where was I? 76 00:03:57.323 --> 00:04:00.690 We've got the severe anal discharge, sometimes violent... a.k.a. Diarrhea. 77 00:04:00.759 --> 00:04:03.592 Mr. Patel, I am more than familiar with diarrhea. 78 00:04:03.662 --> 00:04:06.529 Do you actually believe after the way you've just behaved 79 00:04:06.599 --> 00:04:09.329 that I would ever even consider recommending you for admission? 80 00:04:09.401 --> 00:04:11.266 No. I'm gonna be honest with you. 81 00:04:11.337 --> 00:04:12.326 The only reason I'm applying 82 00:04:12.404 --> 00:04:13.701 is so my dad will keep paying for my apartment. 83 00:04:13.772 --> 00:04:15.433 I really don't have a desire to go to med school. 84 00:04:15.507 --> 00:04:18.067 But you have perfect MCAT scores. 85 00:04:18.143 --> 00:04:20.111 Yeah. Just 'cause you're hung like a moose 86 00:04:20.179 --> 00:04:21.874 doesn't mean you gotta do porn. 87 00:04:22.414 --> 00:04:24.439 Get out! Bernadette, show this young man to the door! 88 00:04:24.516 --> 00:04:28.077 And please bring in some fresh diarrhe... dry towels! 89 00:05:03.722 --> 00:05:04.984 Yes! 90 00:05:05.057 --> 00:05:07.287 Right in front of the door. 91 00:05:10.562 --> 00:05:12.496 This is America, dude! Learn how to drive! 92 00:05:12.564 --> 00:05:13.929 Better "ruck" tomorrow! 93 00:05:16.168 --> 00:05:19.001 - Extreme! - Fucking assholes. 94 00:05:20.506 --> 00:05:21.734 Fuck. 95 00:06:00.746 --> 00:06:02.179 Okay. 96 00:06:03.282 --> 00:06:06.774 Be yourself. Don't be nervous. 97 00:06:25.471 --> 00:06:28.133 So, Maria, what's been goin' on? 98 00:06:28.207 --> 00:06:32.166 I actually had a very long week at work. How about you? 99 00:06:32.244 --> 00:06:34.576 Work was good. I caught up on some sleep. 100 00:06:34.646 --> 00:06:37.274 Plus, the guy who works next to me decided to bathe for a change. 101 00:06:37.349 --> 00:06:38.646 Really? 102 00:06:38.717 --> 00:06:40.582 So what are you up to tonight? 103 00:06:40.652 --> 00:06:42.916 Actually, I'm just gonna be sitting on my ass, 104 00:06:42.988 --> 00:06:44.649 probably eat a whole pint of Haagen-Dazs 105 00:06:44.723 --> 00:06:45.917 while I watch Blind Date. 106 00:06:45.991 --> 00:06:48.619 Well, that sounds awful. 107 00:06:50.696 --> 00:06:52.163 If you want some company, 108 00:06:52.231 --> 00:06:55.064 maybe you can come over and sit on your ass at my place. 109 00:06:56.268 --> 00:06:57.735 That sounds nice. 110 00:07:44.449 --> 00:07:45.814 Bye. 111 00:07:47.753 --> 00:07:49.778 Bye. Bye. 112 00:08:05.437 --> 00:08:06.631 Kumar. 113 00:08:06.705 --> 00:08:08.002 Yo. 114 00:08:14.313 --> 00:08:15.803 Yo, Kumar. 115 00:08:17.349 --> 00:08:18.941 Yo, I'm in here, dude. 116 00:08:26.658 --> 00:08:28.319 Hey! What the hell are you doing? 117 00:08:28.393 --> 00:08:30.657 I'm trimming my pubes. 118 00:08:30.729 --> 00:08:33.027 Why aren't you doing this in your room, man? 119 00:08:33.098 --> 00:08:35.589 The mirror's in here. Hey, check it out. It's like a bonsai tree. 120 00:08:35.667 --> 00:08:36.656 Hey! 121 00:08:36.735 --> 00:08:39.033 Besides, man, it makes your johnson look totally bigger. 122 00:08:39.104 --> 00:08:40.833 Please! 123 00:08:41.740 --> 00:08:45.403 Are those my scissors? Dude, I trim my nose hair with those! 124 00:08:45.477 --> 00:08:48.571 Dude, I've been cutting my ass hair with them for the past six months. 125 00:08:51.917 --> 00:08:54.511 Get out! Get out of my room. 126 00:09:03.729 --> 00:09:05.424 Kumar. It's Daddy. 127 00:09:05.497 --> 00:09:07.556 I hope your interview today was good. 128 00:09:07.633 --> 00:09:10.067 I'm calling to remind you that you have another one tomorrow 129 00:09:10.135 --> 00:09:13.593 with Dr. Wein from Cornell at 10 a.m. Do not be late. 130 00:09:13.672 --> 00:09:15.867 - Hook it up, bi-yatch. - Let's do it. 131 00:09:24.616 --> 00:09:26.049 Fuck! 132 00:09:29.755 --> 00:09:32.781 In tonight's top story. A cheetah escaped earlier today 133 00:09:32.858 --> 00:09:34.621 from the Morristown Zoo. 134 00:09:34.693 --> 00:09:38.595 Oh, nice. Sixteen Candles is on, man. 135 00:09:38.664 --> 00:09:41.064 And the award for the least heterosexual statement 136 00:09:41.133 --> 00:09:44.534 ever made in this apartment goes to... Harold Lee. 137 00:09:44.603 --> 00:09:47.071 Come on down, man. Take a bow. 138 00:09:47.139 --> 00:09:49.107 Shut up, man. It's a classic. 139 00:09:49.174 --> 00:09:51.199 It's a very beautiful story about someone 140 00:09:51.276 --> 00:09:54.541 who feels unnoticed, unappreciated, unloved, you know? 141 00:09:54.613 --> 00:09:56.478 - Turn it. - It's a good one, though. 142 00:09:56.548 --> 00:09:57.572 Homo. 143 00:09:57.649 --> 00:09:59.913 Come on. Dude. Just take one hit. 144 00:10:01.620 --> 00:10:02.985 Don't you wanna be cool? 145 00:10:08.393 --> 00:10:10.588 Hey. Man. What are you doin'? 146 00:10:10.662 --> 00:10:12.721 I'm so high! 147 00:10:13.899 --> 00:10:15.298 Nothing can hurt me. 148 00:10:16.668 --> 00:10:18.499 No! 149 00:10:18.570 --> 00:10:21.596 - Marijuana kills. - I love that shit. 150 00:10:21.940 --> 00:10:23.999 We're so high right now. 151 00:10:24.076 --> 00:10:25.441 We're not low. 152 00:10:25.510 --> 00:10:28.911 Dude, I don't know about you, but I'm fuckin' hungry as balls. 153 00:10:28.981 --> 00:10:30.539 No shit, dude. Let's eat. 154 00:10:30.615 --> 00:10:33.106 No, I don't feel like delivery tonight. 155 00:10:33.185 --> 00:10:36.313 - What about KFC? - We've been there too many times. 156 00:10:36.388 --> 00:10:39.084 I want something we haven't had in a while. 157 00:10:39.658 --> 00:10:43.059 Something different, something that'll really hit the spot. 158 00:10:44.096 --> 00:10:46.121 I want the perfect food. 159 00:10:46.198 --> 00:10:48.962 Are you hungry? 160 00:10:49.034 --> 00:10:52.595 Then come to White Castle and try our Slyder Special... 161 00:10:53.972 --> 00:10:58.238 Six burgers. Fries. And a soft drink for only $2.99. 162 00:10:59.444 --> 00:11:03.540 Imagine all those burgers in your stomach right now. 163 00:11:07.352 --> 00:11:10.617 Don't you like food that's tasty and delicious? 164 00:11:10.689 --> 00:11:11.747 I do. 165 00:11:11.823 --> 00:11:13.791 Then what are you waiting for? 166 00:11:13.859 --> 00:11:16.953 Head over to White Castle. It's what you crave. 167 00:11:18.597 --> 00:11:20.690 You sure you know how to get there? 168 00:11:20.766 --> 00:11:22.791 I haven't been to White Castle in ages. 169 00:11:22.868 --> 00:11:25.428 Dude, I'm telling you, there's one right by that multiplex in New Brunswick. 170 00:11:25.504 --> 00:11:26.493 Nice. 171 00:11:26.571 --> 00:11:28.061 - Rosenberg! - Goldstein! 172 00:11:28.707 --> 00:11:32.768 Yo, Manny and Shevitz, get up. We're going to White Castle. 173 00:11:32.844 --> 00:11:35.642 No, we're watching The Gift on HBO. 174 00:11:35.714 --> 00:11:37.477 No, no, no. No watching. We're starving. 175 00:11:38.083 --> 00:11:39.778 Hey, put that back. 176 00:11:39.851 --> 00:11:42.115 No eating until we get to White Castle. Let's roll. 177 00:11:42.187 --> 00:11:43.916 Sorry, kids, we ain't going nowhere. 178 00:11:43.989 --> 00:11:46.219 Supposedly Katie Holmes shows her titties in this movie. 179 00:11:46.291 --> 00:11:48.486 Is that all you Jews ever think about... tits? 180 00:11:48.560 --> 00:11:51.961 Katie Holmes is a nice, respectable, wholesome girl. 181 00:11:52.030 --> 00:11:54.863 And I'm gonna see her boobs. 182 00:11:54.933 --> 00:11:57.902 The things I would eat out of her ass... you have no idea! 183 00:11:58.737 --> 00:12:00.500 That is a completely vulgar statement. 184 00:12:00.572 --> 00:12:03.507 So is "I want to bang Britney Spears on the bathroom floor." 185 00:12:03.575 --> 00:12:05.338 But it's true. 186 00:12:05.410 --> 00:12:06.399 Touche. 187 00:12:06.478 --> 00:12:07.706 Hey, listen, if... 188 00:12:11.016 --> 00:12:12.813 I think Kumar's a faygele. 189 00:12:12.884 --> 00:12:15.011 They're totally gay for each other. 190 00:12:15.087 --> 00:12:17.453 - Hey, you wanna suck on this? - Uh-huh. 191 00:12:19.257 --> 00:12:20.349 What the hell are you bringing your bag for? 192 00:12:20.425 --> 00:12:22.484 Try to get some work done in the car. 193 00:12:22.561 --> 00:12:24.961 - Here, you're driving. - Shit, I forgot my cell phone. 194 00:12:25.030 --> 00:12:27.157 You wanna run back and get it? 195 00:12:32.771 --> 00:12:34.864 No, we've gone too far. 196 00:12:35.774 --> 00:12:37.708 Hey, there's your girlfriend. 197 00:12:37.776 --> 00:12:39.266 You gonna talk to her this time, 198 00:12:39.344 --> 00:12:41.539 or are you gonna be a Vagina McGinastein about it? 199 00:12:43.181 --> 00:12:44.443 What the hell are you doing? 200 00:12:44.516 --> 00:12:45.881 You could've asked her if she wanted to come to White Castle with us. 201 00:12:45.951 --> 00:12:48.283 - Hold the elevator. Wait! - Hey, how are... 202 00:12:50.021 --> 00:12:51.613 You're worthless. 203 00:12:52.324 --> 00:12:53.916 I'm not worthwhile. 204 00:12:53.992 --> 00:12:56.517 Just fucking talk to her once. It won't be weird anymore. 205 00:12:56.595 --> 00:12:57.994 Look, it doesn't matter. 206 00:12:58.063 --> 00:13:00.861 The only girls who are interested in me are girls I have no interest in. 207 00:13:00.932 --> 00:13:02.126 Like Cindy Kim. 208 00:13:02.200 --> 00:13:03.792 Speaking of Cindy, she called earlier. 209 00:13:03.869 --> 00:13:06.531 One of those Asian clubs she's in is throwing a party at her dorm tonight. 210 00:13:06.605 --> 00:13:08.664 God, she invites me to everything. 211 00:13:08.740 --> 00:13:11.903 So what? She's kind of fuckin' cute. Let her touch your penis. 212 00:13:12.544 --> 00:13:13.909 Oh, look. 213 00:13:13.979 --> 00:13:16.038 It's the Brothers McFag. 214 00:13:16.114 --> 00:13:18.742 Let me guess... the one with the purse is the catcher. 215 00:13:20.085 --> 00:13:22.713 Come on, guys, let's get ourselves some fucking Mountain Dew. 216 00:13:22.787 --> 00:13:23.776 Extreme! 217 00:13:23.855 --> 00:13:25.948 Yeah, extreme assholes. 218 00:13:26.024 --> 00:13:27.616 Why do I have to be the catcher? 219 00:13:27.692 --> 00:13:30.160 Dude, forget about those pricks. Let's just get some food. 220 00:13:34.866 --> 00:13:37.960 I am so hungry. I'm gonna eat, like, 20 of those burgers, man. 221 00:13:38.036 --> 00:13:42.666 Dude, fuckin' I will see your 20 burgers and raise you 5 orders of fries. 222 00:13:44.876 --> 00:13:46.138 Dude, give me 35 cents. 223 00:13:53.151 --> 00:13:54.846 What's going on? It didn't register. 224 00:13:54.920 --> 00:13:57.150 - What? - Give me 35 more cents. 225 00:13:57.222 --> 00:14:00.453 - I don't have any more change. - Should I just go through? 226 00:14:00.525 --> 00:14:03.016 No, no, I don't like breaking the law. 227 00:14:03.094 --> 00:14:04.618 Yeah, I can see that. 228 00:14:05.830 --> 00:14:08.298 Hey, move your ass! 229 00:14:08.366 --> 00:14:10.493 - I'm sorry. Hold on. - I'm going through. 230 00:14:10.569 --> 00:14:12.264 No, don't. No. No. Hold on. 231 00:14:12.337 --> 00:14:15.204 Let me walk to a manned tollbooth and I'll tell them what happened. 232 00:14:15.273 --> 00:14:18.208 - Sorry! - Move, you fuckin' twat! 233 00:14:18.276 --> 00:14:20.244 - What's the fuckin' holdup here? - Shit. 234 00:14:22.480 --> 00:14:25.210 Move, you retarded cocksucker! Move! 235 00:14:26.017 --> 00:14:28.247 - Are you crazy? - What? 236 00:14:29.721 --> 00:14:31.086 What are you doing? Why you throwing the weed out?! 237 00:14:31.156 --> 00:14:33.386 - The cops are gonna catch us. - No, they're not. Not for that. 238 00:14:33.458 --> 00:14:34.516 - Take this exit. - What? 239 00:14:34.593 --> 00:14:35.753 - Take this exit! - No! 240 00:14:35.827 --> 00:14:37.192 Dude! 241 00:14:37.262 --> 00:14:39.025 You know, that was the last of our weed. 242 00:14:39.097 --> 00:14:41.588 Sorry. I get a little paranoid sometimes. 243 00:14:41.666 --> 00:14:43.395 Now we're in Newark, of all places. 244 00:14:43.468 --> 00:14:45.333 You know we're gonna get shot. 245 00:14:45.403 --> 00:14:48.998 Maybe it's not as bad as they say. Maybe it's just a bunch of hype. 246 00:14:49.074 --> 00:14:51.872 Check it out. Those guys look like a lame version of us. 247 00:14:57.382 --> 00:14:58.576 - Holy shit! - Holy shit! 248 00:15:04.122 --> 00:15:06.113 Let's get the fuck outta here. 249 00:15:07.392 --> 00:15:10.418 - Go! Go! Drive! Drive! - Yeah, that was your fault. 250 00:15:10.495 --> 00:15:12.019 - Fuck you. - Fuck you. 251 00:15:15.033 --> 00:15:16.398 Yo, check it out. We're almost there. 252 00:15:16.468 --> 00:15:17.992 Thank God. I'm starving. 253 00:15:18.069 --> 00:15:22.062 - Hello, New Brunswick! - Prepare to gorge yourself. 254 00:15:22.140 --> 00:15:24.472 You know... We need some tunage for this. 255 00:15:24.542 --> 00:15:26.100 Presets. Use the presets. 256 00:15:26.177 --> 00:15:28.042 Oh, come on, dude, your whole life is preset. 257 00:15:28.113 --> 00:15:29.478 Try something new. 258 00:15:31.349 --> 00:15:34.113 Where is this place? Isn't it supposed to be right around here? 259 00:15:34.185 --> 00:15:36.710 - Chill. We'll find it. - Wait a second... is that the multiplex? 260 00:15:36.788 --> 00:15:38.346 - Yes. - Sweet! 261 00:15:38.423 --> 00:15:41.017 That means the White Castle should be right around the corner. 262 00:15:42.761 --> 00:15:44.126 What the hell is going on, Kumar? 263 00:15:44.195 --> 00:15:45.958 That does not look like a White Castle to me. 264 00:15:46.031 --> 00:15:48.556 Uh-uh. Dude, we gotta check this out. 265 00:15:53.338 --> 00:15:56.705 Hey, look here, fellas. You guys gonna have to order from the drive-thru menu. 266 00:15:56.775 --> 00:15:58.800 What happened to the White Castle? 267 00:15:58.877 --> 00:15:59.866 What? 268 00:15:59.944 --> 00:16:01.844 There used to be a White Castle right here in this location. 269 00:16:01.913 --> 00:16:02.902 Where is it? 270 00:16:02.981 --> 00:16:04.915 I hate to be the bearer of bad news, guys, 271 00:16:04.983 --> 00:16:07.383 but Burger Shack, they bought this location about four years ago. 272 00:16:07.452 --> 00:16:08.441 God! 273 00:16:08.520 --> 00:16:10.283 Please tell me there's another White Castle in town. 274 00:16:10.355 --> 00:16:11.913 - No. - Are you sure? 275 00:16:11.990 --> 00:16:13.014 Do I look like the kind of brother 276 00:16:13.091 --> 00:16:14.649 that would be unsure about something like that? 277 00:16:14.726 --> 00:16:17.092 Shit! What are we gonna do? 278 00:16:17.162 --> 00:16:19.722 I don't know, man. Should we just eat here? 279 00:16:19.798 --> 00:16:20.787 Hey. Psst. 280 00:16:22.500 --> 00:16:25.958 There's a White Castle that's open 24 hours up in Cherry Hill. 281 00:16:26.037 --> 00:16:27.436 It's about 45 minutes from here. 282 00:16:27.505 --> 00:16:29.268 I can make the trip if you're willing to. 283 00:16:29.341 --> 00:16:31.070 Kumar, I got a shitload of work to finish. 284 00:16:31.142 --> 00:16:32.632 You got that med school interview. 285 00:16:32.711 --> 00:16:35.009 Forget about the med school interview. It's a non-issue. 286 00:16:35.080 --> 00:16:36.570 What do you mean it's a non-issue? 287 00:16:36.648 --> 00:16:39.811 Ding-dong! May I interject for a second? 288 00:16:39.884 --> 00:16:42.978 As a Burger Shack employee for the past three years, 289 00:16:43.054 --> 00:16:46.046 if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're craving White Castle, 290 00:16:46.124 --> 00:16:47.785 the burgers here just don't cut it. 291 00:16:48.760 --> 00:16:54.494 In fact, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers 292 00:16:54.566 --> 00:16:56.534 with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions 293 00:16:56.601 --> 00:16:58.831 that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals 294 00:16:58.903 --> 00:17:00.393 every time you bite into one... 295 00:17:03.007 --> 00:17:05.635 ...just makes me want to burn this motherfucker down. 296 00:17:06.745 --> 00:17:09.873 Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherfucker down! 297 00:17:09.948 --> 00:17:12.348 Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! 298 00:17:12.417 --> 00:17:14.385 Let's burn this motherfucker down! 299 00:17:14.452 --> 00:17:17.046 Let's burn it down! Let's burn it! 300 00:17:19.657 --> 00:17:23.821 So you guys maybe should just suck it up and go to White Castle. 301 00:17:25.196 --> 00:17:28.495 You can always get your work done in the car. 302 00:17:29.033 --> 00:17:30.830 - Let's do it. - All right. Awesome. 303 00:17:30.902 --> 00:17:34.065 Then listen, listen... no matter what, we are not ending this night 304 00:17:34.139 --> 00:17:35.606 without White Castle in our stomachs. 305 00:17:35.673 --> 00:17:36.867 - Agreed? - Agreed. 306 00:17:37.342 --> 00:17:38.570 Wise choice. 307 00:17:38.643 --> 00:17:40.702 You guys might have wanted to stay away 308 00:17:40.779 --> 00:17:43.145 from our special sauce tonight. 309 00:17:43.214 --> 00:17:45.842 Me and Pookie, we added a secret ingredient. 310 00:17:48.119 --> 00:17:50.110 I'll give you a hint. 311 00:17:52.157 --> 00:17:53.249 It's semen. 312 00:17:56.928 --> 00:17:58.020 Semen. 313 00:17:58.096 --> 00:17:59.427 Animal semen. 314 00:18:08.406 --> 00:18:11.705 Dude, remember when Goldstein used to work at that burger place? 315 00:18:14.846 --> 00:18:17.280 This is the most fucking confusing movie I've ever seen... 316 00:18:17.348 --> 00:18:18.940 she's possessed, she's not possessed. 317 00:18:19.017 --> 00:18:20.780 Dude, that rack better be stacked. 318 00:18:20.852 --> 00:18:23.116 - Tits! Tits! - Boobies, boobies, boobies. 319 00:18:23.188 --> 00:18:25.383 Holy shit! Whoa! 320 00:18:25.457 --> 00:18:26.754 Those aren't real. Yes, they are. 321 00:18:27.091 --> 00:18:29.582 You know, I'm almost completely sober right now. 322 00:18:29.661 --> 00:18:31.686 I wish we had some more weed. 323 00:18:31.763 --> 00:18:33.355 Sorry. 324 00:18:33.431 --> 00:18:35.729 Princeton. 325 00:18:35.800 --> 00:18:37.700 - We're getting off here. - Why? 326 00:18:37.769 --> 00:18:40.465 Because we're gonna sweet-talk Cindy Kim into finding us some weed. 327 00:18:40.538 --> 00:18:41.527 - No. - Why not? 328 00:18:41.606 --> 00:18:43.164 You talk to her on the phone all the time. 329 00:18:43.241 --> 00:18:44.799 She calls me. Then she rambles on 330 00:18:44.876 --> 00:18:47.674 about her East Asian Students Club or whatever. 331 00:18:47.745 --> 00:18:49.076 Then I have to actually pretend that I give a shit 332 00:18:49.147 --> 00:18:50.478 or else she calls me a Twinkie. 333 00:18:50.548 --> 00:18:51.742 A what? 334 00:18:51.816 --> 00:18:54.478 Twinkie... yellow on the outside, white on the inside. 335 00:18:55.053 --> 00:18:56.315 Look, you Twinkie bitch, 336 00:18:56.387 --> 00:18:58.548 you were the one that threw our weed out the window, okay? 337 00:18:58.623 --> 00:18:59.647 So we're going to Princeton, 338 00:18:59.724 --> 00:19:01.282 and it's your responsibility to make sure we're high as shit 339 00:19:01.359 --> 00:19:03.122 by the time we're eating those burgers. 340 00:19:03.194 --> 00:19:05.992 Forget it. End of discussion. 341 00:19:06.064 --> 00:19:08.658 I am not seeing Cindy Kim. 342 00:19:08.733 --> 00:19:10.496 Harold, I'm so glad you showed up. 343 00:19:10.568 --> 00:19:12.832 Yeah, me too. 344 00:19:12.904 --> 00:19:16.067 Did you like the hibiscus petals I glued to the envelope I sent you? 345 00:19:16.140 --> 00:19:18.768 Yeah, they were nice. 346 00:19:20.345 --> 00:19:22.472 Hey, dude, you know where I can get some green? 347 00:19:25.316 --> 00:19:27.978 Dude, you know where I can get some chronic? 348 00:19:28.052 --> 00:19:30.486 Jesus, what the hell kind of lvy League school is this? 349 00:19:30.555 --> 00:19:31.886 Man. 350 00:19:31.956 --> 00:19:33.218 Over here, man. 351 00:19:34.359 --> 00:19:35.690 You lookin' to toke up? 352 00:19:35.760 --> 00:19:37.125 - Yes. - Yes? 353 00:19:37.195 --> 00:19:39.891 Thank Christ. Just give me a dime of your finest sticky. 354 00:19:39.964 --> 00:19:43.365 You wanna see sticky-icky, my friend? 355 00:19:45.036 --> 00:19:46.128 Oh, my God! 356 00:19:46.204 --> 00:19:47.796 Whoa, man! 357 00:19:47.872 --> 00:19:49.806 Don't touch, man. That's not cool. 358 00:19:49.874 --> 00:19:51.535 You can't... 359 00:19:51.609 --> 00:19:53.668 Jeez! This is my baby! 360 00:20:00.385 --> 00:20:01.374 Yes? 361 00:20:01.452 --> 00:20:03.443 Kenneth Park, class of 2004. 362 00:20:03.521 --> 00:20:04.510 - Hi. - Hi. 363 00:20:04.589 --> 00:20:07.114 Is it true you're an analyst for Brewster Keegan? 364 00:20:08.593 --> 00:20:09.992 Yes, I'm a junior analyst. 365 00:20:10.061 --> 00:20:11.528 Awesome! 366 00:20:13.531 --> 00:20:15.055 I told you, he's good. 367 00:20:19.203 --> 00:20:21.967 - Yes. - This is actually a two-part question. 368 00:20:22.040 --> 00:20:24.372 I'm applying for a summer internship at Brewster Keegan. 369 00:20:24.442 --> 00:20:27.741 I was wondering, a) what's it like being an investment banker, 370 00:20:27.812 --> 00:20:30.440 and b) would you write me a recommendation? 371 00:20:32.617 --> 00:20:34.881 Here. That's sixt... 80 bucks. 372 00:20:34.953 --> 00:20:36.352 - 80 bucks? - Yeah, 80 bucks. 373 00:20:36.421 --> 00:20:38.889 Yo, this is worth 40 tops, bro. 374 00:20:38.957 --> 00:20:40.857 "Bro"? I'm not your bro, bro. 375 00:20:40.925 --> 00:20:42.392 Okay, and that's 80 bucks. 376 00:20:42.460 --> 00:20:44.018 You don't feel like getting high tonight? 377 00:20:44.095 --> 00:20:46.893 If you don't feel like getting high, that's cool with me, 378 00:20:46.965 --> 00:20:49.024 because there's lots of people around here. See this guy? 379 00:20:49.100 --> 00:20:50.089 Hey, loser. 380 00:20:50.168 --> 00:20:52.693 Hey, what's up, George? I smoke buds with George all the time. 381 00:20:52.770 --> 00:20:54.738 What kind of hippie are you? 382 00:20:54.806 --> 00:20:57.434 What kind of hippie am I? Man, I'm a business hippie. 383 00:20:57.508 --> 00:20:59.772 I understand the concept of supply and demand. 384 00:20:59.844 --> 00:21:02.574 "What's it like being an investment banker?" 385 00:21:02.647 --> 00:21:06.310 To be honest with you, it's actually pretty aw... 386 00:21:09.754 --> 00:21:11.449 ...awesome. 387 00:21:11.522 --> 00:21:12.511 Excellent! 388 00:21:12.590 --> 00:21:16.219 As for the recommendation, I guess I can make a couple calls. 389 00:21:16.294 --> 00:21:18.728 Actually, Harold, we should be getting to the party. 390 00:21:18.796 --> 00:21:20.263 We can discuss all this stuff on the way there. 391 00:21:20.331 --> 00:21:21.889 - It's just down the hall. - Okay. 392 00:21:21.966 --> 00:21:25.925 I'm sorry. I can't go. I have to wait for Kumar. 393 00:21:26.004 --> 00:21:27.494 You'll see him when we're done. 394 00:21:27.572 --> 00:21:29.733 Trust me, you're gonna love this. 395 00:21:29.807 --> 00:21:32.503 Kenny's mom dropped off a big pot of kimchi jigae. 396 00:21:32.577 --> 00:21:35.068 It's really good. It's delicious. 397 00:21:35.146 --> 00:21:36.204 Yeah? 398 00:21:36.280 --> 00:21:37.907 That's nice. 399 00:21:38.416 --> 00:21:40.407 - 80 bucks, okay? - Okay. 400 00:21:40.485 --> 00:21:43.545 - Hello. - Are you guys about to smoke? 401 00:21:43.621 --> 00:21:46.556 Yes, we're gonna smoke. Do you wanna come back to my place? 402 00:21:46.624 --> 00:21:49.525 Please, like they want to go listen to a bunch of Phish records 403 00:21:49.594 --> 00:21:51.789 while you read your lame-ass poetry. 404 00:21:51.863 --> 00:21:53.421 Girls, you guys wanna hang out, 405 00:21:53.498 --> 00:21:55.591 maybe smoke a little weed and have some fun? 406 00:21:55.667 --> 00:21:57.635 - All right. - All right. 407 00:21:57.702 --> 00:21:59.567 My poetry's not lame. It's really good. 408 00:21:59.637 --> 00:22:01.537 - Yeah, I'm sure. - It's great. 409 00:22:01.606 --> 00:22:03.233 We're gonna eat before this gets cold. 410 00:22:03.307 --> 00:22:06.401 What you say we meet back in our room in about 20 minutes? 411 00:22:06.477 --> 00:22:07.910 We're in room 109. 412 00:22:07.979 --> 00:22:11.415 109. Got it. I'll see you ladies later, huh? 413 00:22:11.482 --> 00:22:12.779 Yes! 414 00:22:12.850 --> 00:22:17.014 109. We'll see you ladies later. Yes! 415 00:22:17.555 --> 00:22:18.886 We're getting laid, bro. 416 00:22:22.427 --> 00:22:24.327 All right, I'll see you there, man. 417 00:22:25.596 --> 00:22:28.793 20... 20... 208? 418 00:22:28.866 --> 00:22:31.198 208. Yes! 208! 419 00:22:32.336 --> 00:22:34.327 Roldy, dude, you gotta come quick. 420 00:22:34.405 --> 00:22:38.205 There's these two filthy pussies just aching to get boned by us. 421 00:22:39.243 --> 00:22:42.542 I mean, there are these two very lovely young pussies 422 00:22:42.613 --> 00:22:44.547 who would like to have a chat with you and I. 423 00:22:44.615 --> 00:22:47.106 Sorry. Harold's coming with us. 424 00:22:47.185 --> 00:22:49.312 That's bullshit. He's coming with me. Isn't that right, Roldy? 425 00:22:50.421 --> 00:22:52.150 - Let's go to the party. - No, no, no. Fuck that. 426 00:22:52.223 --> 00:22:55.386 Here. This is Harold's understudy. You can do whatever you want. 427 00:22:55.460 --> 00:22:56.722 Roldy, let's go. 428 00:22:57.729 --> 00:22:58.957 Sorry. 429 00:22:59.030 --> 00:23:00.861 I can't believe you were gonna ditch me for the Joy Luck Club. 430 00:23:00.932 --> 00:23:02.365 You know what their parties are like. 431 00:23:02.433 --> 00:23:04.731 What do you want me to say? I was under pressure. 432 00:23:04.802 --> 00:23:06.827 Just say no. That's all it takes. Here. 433 00:23:06.904 --> 00:23:08.166 All right, take a hit of that. 434 00:23:08.239 --> 00:23:09.536 What's going on up there? 435 00:23:09.607 --> 00:23:12.007 Barracuda to Sparrow, Barracuda to Sparrow. 436 00:23:12.076 --> 00:23:14.567 We got two high-fliers on level three. 437 00:23:18.716 --> 00:23:21.207 I just wanna talk! 438 00:23:23.988 --> 00:23:25.421 Dude, in here, in here. 439 00:23:25.490 --> 00:23:26.980 Women! 440 00:23:27.058 --> 00:23:28.889 What if someone finds us in here? 441 00:23:28.960 --> 00:23:31.451 Chill the fuck out. He's not gonna look for us in the girls' bathroom. 442 00:23:34.031 --> 00:23:35.396 Shit! Come here. 443 00:23:36.033 --> 00:23:38.797 It worked on me. There's no reason it shouldn't work on you. 444 00:23:38.870 --> 00:23:41.395 But your breasts look beautiful. 445 00:23:41.472 --> 00:23:44.373 I just want those cute little ping-pong breasts. 446 00:23:44.442 --> 00:23:46.376 You know, that kind of go... 447 00:23:48.179 --> 00:23:50.010 Hurry up because I want to go smoke weed 448 00:23:50.081 --> 00:23:51.878 with that dishy Indian guy. 449 00:23:51.949 --> 00:23:53.814 It's gonna be a few minutes. 450 00:23:53.885 --> 00:23:57.377 I'm about to have the worst case of taco shits. 451 00:23:57.455 --> 00:23:58.888 Oh, God. 452 00:24:05.296 --> 00:24:07.321 Great, I think I've got to go, too. 453 00:24:25.149 --> 00:24:28.482 Hey, Clarissa, do you want to play battle shits? 454 00:24:28.553 --> 00:24:30.919 - Oh, my God! - Battle shits? 455 00:24:30.988 --> 00:24:33.980 We haven't played that since back at camp. 456 00:24:34.058 --> 00:24:36.026 I know, I know. Wait for it. 457 00:24:41.799 --> 00:24:43.096 Hit. 458 00:24:46.204 --> 00:24:48.502 Scag! You sank my destroyer! 459 00:24:57.515 --> 00:24:58.504 Fuck! 460 00:25:00.251 --> 00:25:02.515 I can't take it anymore! 461 00:25:05.823 --> 00:25:07.290 Christy, are you still there? 462 00:25:10.061 --> 00:25:13.360 Damn! You sank my battle shit! 463 00:25:13.431 --> 00:25:14.921 Shit. 464 00:25:18.402 --> 00:25:19.426 Dude! 465 00:25:21.339 --> 00:25:23.307 She said in 20-10? 466 00:25:23.374 --> 00:25:25.604 Have you seen a Korean guy around here? 467 00:25:25.676 --> 00:25:28.543 Yeah, only when I open my eyes, though. 468 00:25:29.614 --> 00:25:30.808 'Tard. 469 00:25:33.551 --> 00:25:35.576 20-11. 470 00:25:43.761 --> 00:25:45.194 Yo, this party's bumpin'! 471 00:25:45.263 --> 00:25:48.027 - Who wants some Buda? - Yeah! 472 00:25:48.099 --> 00:25:51.660 Holy shit! Kenneth Park, class of 2004. 473 00:25:51.736 --> 00:25:54.967 Dude, I'm thinking you really screwed up by not coming to this party. 474 00:25:53.120 --> 00:25:54.280 Hey, you! 475 00:25:55.039 --> 00:25:56.700 I screwed up? 476 00:25:55.089 --> 00:25:56.147 Shit! 477 00:25:56.223 --> 00:25:58.088 Hey! 478 00:25:59.426 --> 00:26:01.257 - Hey! - Let's get 'em! Halt! 479 00:26:01.328 --> 00:26:03.592 - Hey. - Hey. 480 00:26:03.664 --> 00:26:05.825 - Harold! Harold! - No, no, no. 481 00:26:06.867 --> 00:26:08.300 - Hey, dude! - Come here! 482 00:26:10.804 --> 00:26:12.294 Well, well, well. 483 00:26:12.373 --> 00:26:14.170 - What do we have here? - Oh, no! That's my baby! 484 00:26:14.241 --> 00:26:16.573 Hold his throat and groin. Come on, rookie. 485 00:26:16.644 --> 00:26:18.236 Should we go back for the weed? 486 00:26:18.312 --> 00:26:19.711 Are you crazy? Run! Run! 487 00:26:21.982 --> 00:26:24.974 I can't believe it, man. We were this close to getting laid. 488 00:26:25.052 --> 00:26:26.485 Oh, dude, you always exaggerate. 489 00:26:26.553 --> 00:26:29.021 The diarrhea twins definitely would have had sex with us. 490 00:26:29.089 --> 00:26:31.489 What about Cindy? She was looking kinda cute tonight, man. 491 00:26:31.558 --> 00:26:33.788 Cindy's fine. It's just... 492 00:26:33.861 --> 00:26:34.850 - Just what? - We... 493 00:26:34.928 --> 00:26:36.555 Oh, you'd rather have Maria. 494 00:26:36.630 --> 00:26:37.619 Look, it doesn't matter. 495 00:26:37.698 --> 00:26:39.962 I'm gonna end up with Cindy Kim whether I like it or not. 496 00:26:40.034 --> 00:26:43.128 Can we just drop this and get our asses to White Castle, man? 497 00:26:43.203 --> 00:26:45.330 Fine. Maria. 498 00:26:48.442 --> 00:26:49.636 What are you doing? 499 00:26:49.710 --> 00:26:51.769 Daddy needs to urinate. 500 00:26:52.713 --> 00:26:53.805 Hurry up! 501 00:26:55.716 --> 00:26:57.343 I'm serious. Don't take all night. 502 00:26:57.418 --> 00:26:58.851 All right. 503 00:27:40.227 --> 00:27:42.695 - Excuse me, I have to... - Huh? 504 00:27:42.763 --> 00:27:46.756 I have to ask you. Why are you peeing right here? 505 00:27:46.834 --> 00:27:48.028 What? 506 00:27:48.102 --> 00:27:50.764 I mean, why'd you pee right next to me 507 00:27:50.838 --> 00:27:53.102 when you could choose that bush or... 508 00:27:53.173 --> 00:27:55.141 This is a good bush to pee on. 509 00:27:56.143 --> 00:27:58.668 Why are you peeing on it? 510 00:27:58.746 --> 00:28:00.873 Well, no one was here when I chose this bush. 511 00:28:00.948 --> 00:28:02.074 Oh. 512 00:28:02.149 --> 00:28:05.016 So you get to pee on it and no one else does? Huh? 513 00:28:05.085 --> 00:28:07.417 - No, I just... - This your bush? 514 00:28:07.488 --> 00:28:09.956 You have a special bond with this bush? 515 00:28:10.023 --> 00:28:12.958 - No, I just thought that... - You the king of the forest? 516 00:28:13.026 --> 00:28:14.254 - I'm sorry? - What? 517 00:28:14.328 --> 00:28:18.025 Are you a fuckin' tree-hugger? Is this your special bush?! 518 00:28:18.098 --> 00:28:20.623 Never mind. Forget it. I really don't feel like getting stabbed tonight. 519 00:28:26.173 --> 00:28:27.401 Nice pubes. 520 00:28:31.145 --> 00:28:32.134 Thanks. 521 00:28:55.469 --> 00:28:57.460 Do you even know where you're going? 522 00:28:57.538 --> 00:28:59.631 I'm gonna be honest, I'm a little lost, but, you know, 523 00:28:59.706 --> 00:29:01.799 once we get back on the highway, we'll be there soon, don't worry. 524 00:29:01.875 --> 00:29:03.206 We'd better. 525 00:29:04.311 --> 00:29:06.506 Shit. Now it's raining. 526 00:29:07.347 --> 00:29:08.644 Put on your wipers. 527 00:29:08.715 --> 00:29:10.273 What are you talking about? It's just a little mist. 528 00:29:10.350 --> 00:29:12.614 Yeah, mist, hence the mist setting. 529 00:29:12.686 --> 00:29:15.314 It's a safety issue, okay? There we go. 530 00:29:15.389 --> 00:29:18.654 Thank you, Mr. Wizard. What crawled up your ass? 531 00:29:18.725 --> 00:29:21.125 I'm completely on edge right now, man. 532 00:29:21.195 --> 00:29:22.787 After all the shit that we've been through tonight, 533 00:29:22.863 --> 00:29:24.854 I don't know how much more I can take. 534 00:29:25.532 --> 00:29:27.864 Oh, shit! How the fuck did that get in here? 535 00:29:27.935 --> 00:29:29.027 Oh, shit! 536 00:29:32.739 --> 00:29:35.469 He bit me! I've got rabies! 537 00:29:37.077 --> 00:29:38.066 Oh, my God! 538 00:29:38.145 --> 00:29:40.306 Dude, get that fuckin' cancer raccoon away from me! 539 00:29:40.380 --> 00:29:41.847 Open my window! 540 00:29:41.915 --> 00:29:44.509 Fuck you, raccoon! 541 00:29:46.954 --> 00:29:48.546 What the Christ? 542 00:29:49.289 --> 00:29:52.315 - Shit! - Shit! 543 00:29:55.863 --> 00:29:57.694 Jesus! You all right? 544 00:29:57.764 --> 00:29:59.925 I don't know. 545 00:30:00.701 --> 00:30:02.100 Shit. 546 00:30:02.636 --> 00:30:04.194 Shit, dude, he's coming over here. 547 00:30:05.305 --> 00:30:07.068 Probably some old blind bitch! 548 00:30:07.140 --> 00:30:11.042 - What the fuck are you doing? - We're sorry. We're very sorry! 549 00:30:11.111 --> 00:30:13.841 - Holy shit! - Goldstein? 550 00:30:13.914 --> 00:30:15.882 Dude, it's Rold and Kumar. 551 00:30:15.949 --> 00:30:18.509 Shit. What's going on, man? 552 00:30:18.585 --> 00:30:21.179 - What's up, dude? What's up? - All right. 553 00:30:21.255 --> 00:30:22.654 What the hell are you guys doing here? 554 00:30:22.723 --> 00:30:25.749 We got the munchies, so we decided we'd go to Hot Dog Heaven. 555 00:30:25.826 --> 00:30:27.726 How about you? How was White Castle? 556 00:30:27.794 --> 00:30:30.422 We haven't gotten there yet. I think I may have rabies. 557 00:30:30.497 --> 00:30:32.431 Yo, dude, how were Katie Holmes' tits? 558 00:30:32.499 --> 00:30:34.490 - You know the Holocaust? - Yeah. 559 00:30:34.568 --> 00:30:36.502 Picture the exact opposite of that. 560 00:30:36.570 --> 00:30:38.231 Nice. 561 00:30:39.172 --> 00:30:40.469 Boy, do you need a girl. 562 00:30:40.540 --> 00:30:42.201 If you guys got the yellow fever, 563 00:30:42.276 --> 00:30:44.141 there's a rockin' Asian party down at Princeton. 564 00:30:44.211 --> 00:30:45.576 Dude, I got the yellow plague. 565 00:30:45.646 --> 00:30:48.513 There's nothing sexier than a hot Asian chick! 566 00:30:48.582 --> 00:30:50.243 Asian tits... I wanna squeeze 'em! 567 00:30:50.317 --> 00:30:52.751 Stop. Don't do that. Please, do not touch me. 568 00:30:52.819 --> 00:30:53.945 I'm very woozy. 569 00:30:54.021 --> 00:30:56.012 I think I have to go to the hospital. 570 00:30:56.089 --> 00:30:58.080 You should go to Beth Israel. 571 00:30:58.158 --> 00:31:00.490 - We gotta hit up this Asian joint. - No, we don't. 572 00:31:00.560 --> 00:31:03.893 We got to go to Hot Dog Heaven. No more detours along the way. 573 00:31:03.964 --> 00:31:05.761 - This is what I'm dealing with. - Come on! 574 00:31:05.832 --> 00:31:07.129 I'm telling you, hit up the Asian party. 575 00:31:07.200 --> 00:31:09.031 Did you leave the key in the car with the engine running? 576 00:31:09.102 --> 00:31:10.194 Good luck. 577 00:31:10.270 --> 00:31:13.467 You don't have rabies. We're not going to a hospital. You're fine. 578 00:31:24.151 --> 00:31:27.120 Uh... Yeah, I don't have rabies. 579 00:31:27.187 --> 00:31:29.815 Great. Let's just get out of here. 580 00:31:30.791 --> 00:31:34.318 Hey, aren't those the guys that got the shit kicked... 581 00:31:34.394 --> 00:31:37.158 I know. I know. Let's just go. 582 00:31:38.865 --> 00:31:40.423 Just go. 583 00:31:41.101 --> 00:31:42.363 Kumar. 584 00:31:44.271 --> 00:31:46.432 - Hey, it's your dad and brother. - Shit. 585 00:31:47.641 --> 00:31:50.303 No wonder you didn't want to go to the hospital. 586 00:31:50.377 --> 00:31:51.901 - Hey, Dad. - Hi, Dr. Patel. 587 00:31:51.979 --> 00:31:53.947 - What's up? - Saikat. What's going on? 588 00:31:54.014 --> 00:31:57.279 I hope you are here to apologize for what you did in your interview today. 589 00:31:57.351 --> 00:31:58.943 What the hell's wrong with you, Kumar? 590 00:31:59.019 --> 00:32:01.351 God! You're 22 years old. When are you gonna grow up 591 00:32:01.421 --> 00:32:04.413 and stop this post-college rebel bullshit? 592 00:32:04.491 --> 00:32:07.324 - Like your life is so hard. - Eat my balls, Saikat. 593 00:32:07.394 --> 00:32:10.158 I will not tolerate this business from you any longer. 594 00:32:10.230 --> 00:32:12.960 You have one more interview tomorrow morning, 595 00:32:13.033 --> 00:32:17.697 and if I hear from Dr. Wein that you were anything short of spectacular, 596 00:32:17.771 --> 00:32:19.568 I'll completely cut you off. 597 00:32:19.639 --> 00:32:21.698 - Dad, come on. - Daddy is not coming on anything. 598 00:32:23.877 --> 00:32:26.505 You will be there, and you will behave. 599 00:32:26.580 --> 00:32:29.981 I have put too much time and energy into you 600 00:32:30.050 --> 00:32:32.814 to let you go and fuck it all up! 601 00:32:40.394 --> 00:32:43.090 You're absolutely right. I'm sorry, guys. 602 00:32:43.163 --> 00:32:44.494 Wow, I'm sorry. 603 00:32:46.299 --> 00:32:48.665 Sorry. It won't happen again, okay? 604 00:32:50.270 --> 00:32:51.760 Good. 605 00:32:51.838 --> 00:32:53.533 I will speak with you tomorrow. 606 00:32:53.607 --> 00:32:55.973 - Bye, Harold. - Bye. 607 00:32:56.043 --> 00:32:57.305 See ya. 608 00:32:57.377 --> 00:32:58.674 Wow, man. 609 00:32:58.745 --> 00:33:00.906 I guess you're going to med school after all, eh? 610 00:33:00.981 --> 00:33:04.041 Fuck that, dude. Like I care what my dad thinks. 611 00:33:04.117 --> 00:33:05.379 I can't wait to see the look on his face 612 00:33:05.452 --> 00:33:06.885 when he finds out I didn't go to my interview tomorrow. 613 00:33:06.953 --> 00:33:09.353 If he wants to cut me off, fine. I don't need his money. 614 00:33:09.423 --> 00:33:12.187 I don't understand. You just hugged him. 615 00:33:12.259 --> 00:33:15.660 Yeah, I just needed to get my hands on this. 616 00:33:15.729 --> 00:33:16.889 Access card. 617 00:33:16.963 --> 00:33:20.023 Two words for you, bro... medical marijuana. 618 00:33:21.101 --> 00:33:22.125 No. 619 00:33:23.370 --> 00:33:25.634 Oh, this is stolen. 620 00:33:27.074 --> 00:33:29.065 If we get caught, you are taking the blame. 621 00:33:29.142 --> 00:33:30.541 This is not my idea. 622 00:33:30.610 --> 00:33:32.805 We're not gonna get caught, okay? We're gonna go get baked 623 00:33:32.879 --> 00:33:35.439 and then go eat just like we planned. Now, just calm down. 624 00:33:35.515 --> 00:33:37.779 - We gotta find the pharmacy. - Dr. Patel! 625 00:33:37.851 --> 00:33:39.716 Thank God I found you. We have an emergency. 626 00:33:39.786 --> 00:33:42.380 Nurses, I need these two doctors scrubbed, gloved, 627 00:33:42.456 --> 00:33:44.515 and ready for the O.R. Stat! 628 00:33:44.691 --> 00:33:47.159 - What the hell is going on? - He probably thinks I'm my brother. 629 00:33:47.227 --> 00:33:49.559 Just don't worry about it. Leave the talking to me. 630 00:33:49.629 --> 00:33:51.927 It's a godforsaken bloodbath. 631 00:33:51.998 --> 00:33:54.626 The patient was brought in by EMS five minutes ago. 632 00:33:54.701 --> 00:33:56.999 As you can see, we have three horrific gunshot wounds. 633 00:33:57.070 --> 00:33:58.059 It's a good thing I found you two. 634 00:33:58.138 --> 00:33:59.799 All the other surgeons are working on other patients. 635 00:33:59.873 --> 00:34:01.465 No, there's been a mistake. 636 00:34:01.541 --> 00:34:04.533 What Dr. Lee is trying to say is that we need to sedate the patient... 637 00:34:04.611 --> 00:34:07.136 ...or he could go into cardiac arrest. - All right, I'll get the anesthesiologist. 638 00:34:07.214 --> 00:34:09.546 Hang on a second, nurse. What we should probably use is marijuana. 639 00:34:09.616 --> 00:34:11.743 That'll sufficiently sedate the patient for surgery. 640 00:34:17.791 --> 00:34:19.418 Marijuana? 641 00:34:20.293 --> 00:34:21.282 But why? 642 00:34:21.361 --> 00:34:22.851 We don't have time for questions. 643 00:34:22.929 --> 00:34:25.659 We need marijuana now, as much of it as possible! 644 00:34:25.732 --> 00:34:27.165 Like a big bag of it. 645 00:34:27.234 --> 00:34:31.000 But, Doctor, we don't have marijuana in this hospital. 646 00:34:31.071 --> 00:34:32.834 Shit. 647 00:34:32.906 --> 00:34:35.932 Oh, shit! This guy's gonna die! 648 00:34:36.009 --> 00:34:38.477 Doctor, you've got to do something or we're gonna lose him! 649 00:34:38.545 --> 00:34:40.012 I'm gonna do this the old-fashioned way. 650 00:34:40.080 --> 00:34:42.310 Start the nitrous. Give me two large-bore I.V. S 651 00:34:42.382 --> 00:34:44.247 and start a Ringers lactate push. 652 00:34:44.317 --> 00:34:45.341 Dr. Roldy, hold this. 653 00:34:51.424 --> 00:34:52.652 More gauze, please. 654 00:34:52.726 --> 00:34:56.093 - Doctor, the patient is desatting. - Dude, he's desatting! He's desatting! 655 00:34:56.163 --> 00:34:58.961 The patient has a collapsed lung. I need a 14-gauge angiocath stat. 656 00:35:05.872 --> 00:35:08.272 - That was genius. - Thank you. 657 00:35:08.341 --> 00:35:10.138 - Great job! - You guys did it. 658 00:35:10.210 --> 00:35:11.268 No, it's you. 659 00:35:12.779 --> 00:35:15.077 - Sexy. - What'd you say? 660 00:35:15.148 --> 00:35:16.308 Nothing. 661 00:35:16.383 --> 00:35:17.475 Sweet-pea. 662 00:35:19.452 --> 00:35:21.545 The patient appears to be stabilized. 663 00:35:21.621 --> 00:35:24.317 - Good work, doctors, all around. - Great. One of you clean this up, please. 664 00:35:24.391 --> 00:35:26.655 - Put the chest tube in. - Meow. You're moist. 665 00:35:26.726 --> 00:35:29.024 - I'm not sweating anymore. - You're glistening. 666 00:35:29.095 --> 00:35:31.893 Soft and chocolate lips... 667 00:35:31.965 --> 00:35:35.731 - Could I get a little dab here? - Hush now, hush now. 668 00:35:35.802 --> 00:35:38.236 Excuse me, sir. Do you happen to know 669 00:35:38.305 --> 00:35:40.364 how to get to the White Castle in Cherry Hill from here? 670 00:35:40.440 --> 00:35:45.241 Yeah. Take the 33 west and take the Turnpike south, 671 00:35:45.312 --> 00:35:46.609 and there you are. 672 00:35:46.947 --> 00:35:48.847 I'm telling you, man, that was amazing! 673 00:35:48.915 --> 00:35:50.610 Even your dad would have been impressed, man. 674 00:35:50.684 --> 00:35:52.311 Yeah, it wasn't that bad. 675 00:35:52.385 --> 00:35:56.754 This is perfect. We're back on the road, we got directions, it stopped raining. 676 00:35:56.823 --> 00:35:58.017 And guess what, man. 677 00:35:58.091 --> 00:36:01.822 - I'm officially done with my work. - Oh, yeah? Nice! 678 00:36:01.895 --> 00:36:04.557 I'm telling you, dude, things are finally starting to go our way. 679 00:36:06.433 --> 00:36:08.196 Hey, dude, check it out... Sixteen Candles. 680 00:36:08.268 --> 00:36:09.826 Isn't that your favorite movie? 681 00:36:09.903 --> 00:36:11.029 Wow, man, that's awesome! 682 00:36:12.939 --> 00:36:15.430 Yo, look who decided to go see it. 683 00:36:15.508 --> 00:36:16.702 Holy shit. 684 00:36:16.776 --> 00:36:19.210 See! You said you two had nothing in common, 685 00:36:19.279 --> 00:36:21.372 but you both have the same lame taste in movies! 686 00:36:21.448 --> 00:36:22.847 Shut up. 687 00:36:22.916 --> 00:36:24.713 Hey, we should ask her if she wants to come to White Castle. 688 00:36:24.784 --> 00:36:27.412 No. No, no. Forget about it. Just drive. 689 00:36:27.487 --> 00:36:29.250 Dude, come on. It's 1:00 in the morning. 690 00:36:29.322 --> 00:36:30.983 We're an hour away from home, 691 00:36:31.057 --> 00:36:34.117 and who do we see but your dream girl standing across the street? 692 00:36:34.194 --> 00:36:37.061 Just pretend you're a nerdy Asian version of Tom Hanks 693 00:36:37.130 --> 00:36:39.826 and she's a hot Latina Meg Ryan with bigger tits. 694 00:36:40.867 --> 00:36:42.801 The cars are going. Can we go? How about that? 695 00:36:42.869 --> 00:36:45.099 - What are you doing? - Excuse me, Maria! 696 00:36:45.171 --> 00:36:47.969 - What are you doing? - Maria! Excuse me for a second! 697 00:36:48.041 --> 00:36:49.565 Come here! 698 00:36:49.976 --> 00:36:51.637 No! What the hell are you doing? 699 00:36:51.711 --> 00:36:53.702 Get your hand off the gas! Shit! 700 00:36:53.780 --> 00:36:55.714 - I'm stuck! - Stop turning the wheel! 701 00:36:55.782 --> 00:36:57.875 - I am stuck! - What do you mean you're stuck? 702 00:36:57.951 --> 00:36:59.009 Get unstuck! 703 00:37:10.797 --> 00:37:12.822 - You asshole! - Wha... wha...? 704 00:37:12.899 --> 00:37:15.493 We could have seriously injured ourselves, man! 705 00:37:15.568 --> 00:37:17.035 Yo, don't blame me, genius. 706 00:37:17.103 --> 00:37:19.594 I'm not the one who decided to run us off the frickin' road, all right? 707 00:37:19.673 --> 00:37:21.436 Let's just get back on the highway, okay? 708 00:37:21.508 --> 00:37:22.839 Fine with me. 709 00:37:30.383 --> 00:37:31.941 It's not funny. 710 00:37:41.494 --> 00:37:44.429 - Where's my spare tire? - I don't know. 711 00:37:45.732 --> 00:37:47.700 Where the hell is my spare tire? 712 00:37:47.767 --> 00:37:49.462 Oh, yeah! 713 00:37:49.536 --> 00:37:53.063 Dude, remember that time we got really stoned 714 00:37:53.139 --> 00:37:56.836 and started throwing shit off that bridge to see if it would float? 715 00:37:58.278 --> 00:38:00.610 What bridge? I don't remem... What are you talking about? 716 00:38:00.680 --> 00:38:02.978 Oh, shit, that's right. That was with Goldstein. 717 00:38:04.818 --> 00:38:06.809 We borrowed your car that night. My bad. 718 00:38:06.886 --> 00:38:10.219 Your bad? What the hell are we gonna do now? 719 00:38:13.893 --> 00:38:15.861 - Hey! - Hey! Excuse me! 720 00:38:15.929 --> 00:38:18.363 - Hello! Over here! - Excuse me! 721 00:38:28.641 --> 00:38:30.871 You boys need some help? 722 00:38:37.784 --> 00:38:40.184 Thanks for helping us out. 723 00:38:43.456 --> 00:38:44.889 No problem at all. 724 00:38:44.958 --> 00:38:49.054 I seen you two stranded out there alone in the dark, 725 00:38:49.129 --> 00:38:52.360 and I said to myself... 726 00:38:52.432 --> 00:38:54.093 "What would Jesus do?" 727 00:38:54.167 --> 00:38:55.828 Goin' down to Georgia 728 00:38:55.902 --> 00:38:59.394 Gonna get myself baptized, gonna get myself baptized 729 00:38:59.472 --> 00:39:02.270 In the bosom of the Lord 730 00:39:06.579 --> 00:39:09.571 Have you boys accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior? 731 00:39:09.649 --> 00:39:11.776 - Yes. - Yeah, he's great. Cool guy. 732 00:39:11.851 --> 00:39:14.445 Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition! 733 00:39:14.521 --> 00:39:18.252 Name's Randy, but everybody calls me Freakshow. 734 00:39:18.324 --> 00:39:19.916 My name's Kumar. 735 00:39:19.993 --> 00:39:21.927 How are you, Kunie? 736 00:39:23.630 --> 00:39:25.655 - This is Harold. - Hi, Jerald. How are you? 737 00:39:26.733 --> 00:39:29.099 So where exactly are we going? 738 00:39:29.169 --> 00:39:32.263 Don't you worry about that none. We ain't too far from my place. 739 00:39:32.338 --> 00:39:36.035 Once we get there, I'll have your ride fixed up in a jiffy. 740 00:39:43.483 --> 00:39:45.781 Check out those boils on his neck. 741 00:39:45.852 --> 00:39:47.911 You gotta look. One of them's actually pulsating. 742 00:39:48.721 --> 00:39:52.782 Shut up. He's right next to me. He can hear you. 743 00:39:52.859 --> 00:39:54.588 Now there's some sort of puss. 744 00:39:54.661 --> 00:39:55.958 - It's disgusting! - Shut up. 745 00:39:56.029 --> 00:39:58.793 Just one little boil. Just look at it. 746 00:40:07.140 --> 00:40:09.802 See, isn't that the most disgusting thing you've ever seen? 747 00:40:09.876 --> 00:40:12.037 Do you think just because you're whispering, 748 00:40:12.111 --> 00:40:15.103 he can't hear what you're saying? 749 00:40:15.181 --> 00:40:18.082 He's two feet away from us. He can hear this entire conversation. 750 00:40:18.151 --> 00:40:20.346 He can hear me talking right now. 751 00:40:20.420 --> 00:40:22.081 Don't worry about it. He can't hear anything... 752 00:40:22.155 --> 00:40:24.180 not with all that crust in his ear. 753 00:40:32.966 --> 00:40:35.025 I heard everything you said. 754 00:40:43.676 --> 00:40:46.236 It's gonna take me a while to fix up your car there, 755 00:40:46.312 --> 00:40:50.510 so if you boys like, you can go on inside, 756 00:40:50.583 --> 00:40:52.881 get yourselves something to drink, wash up, 757 00:40:52.952 --> 00:40:55.477 fuck my wife, watch TV... anything you want. 758 00:40:55.555 --> 00:40:59.082 Mi casa es su casa. 759 00:40:59.158 --> 00:41:02.594 Just don't do anything the Good Lord wouldn't do. 760 00:41:03.696 --> 00:41:04.685 Thank you. 761 00:41:06.266 --> 00:41:08.461 We're gonna die. He's going to kill us. 762 00:41:08.535 --> 00:41:09.900 We're gonna die. 763 00:41:09.969 --> 00:41:13.132 Dude, am I deaf, or did he just say we get to fuck his wife? 764 00:41:13.206 --> 00:41:14.969 He couldn't have said that. 765 00:41:17.277 --> 00:41:19.211 Who cares? You've seen Freakshow. 766 00:41:19.279 --> 00:41:21.179 What do you think his wife is gonna look like? 767 00:41:34.761 --> 00:41:36.524 Oh, hi, boys. 768 00:41:36.596 --> 00:41:39.121 I'm Freakshow's wife Liane. 769 00:41:39.832 --> 00:41:41.823 Can I get you some pink lemonade? 770 00:41:41.901 --> 00:41:44.995 Why don't you just go have a seat in the living room? 771 00:41:45.071 --> 00:41:46.595 I'll be back in a jiffy. 772 00:41:46.673 --> 00:41:48.038 Thanks. 773 00:41:51.578 --> 00:41:54.547 - Hot. Hot! - Uh-huh. 774 00:42:02.989 --> 00:42:04.684 Jesus Christ. 775 00:42:09.829 --> 00:42:13.356 Okay, it's official. We've entered the Twilight Zone. 776 00:42:13.433 --> 00:42:16.459 - Dude, Liane is fucking hot. - She's not ugly. 777 00:42:18.438 --> 00:42:19.871 Here you go, boys. 778 00:42:19.939 --> 00:42:21.133 - Thank you. - Thanks a lot. 779 00:42:21.207 --> 00:42:24.233 Liane, how are things between you and Freakshow presently? 780 00:42:24.310 --> 00:42:27.609 Oh! They've never been better. We love each other so much. 781 00:42:27.680 --> 00:42:32.583 I was just wondering, how does a guy like Freakshow... 782 00:42:36.656 --> 00:42:39.921 ...end up with a girl like you? 783 00:42:39.993 --> 00:42:44.089 Well, we met at choir practice about four years ago. 784 00:42:44.163 --> 00:42:46.131 Freakshow was really shy back then, you know, 785 00:42:46.199 --> 00:42:48.258 'cause of all his hideous boils on his face and neck. 786 00:42:48.334 --> 00:42:49.596 Sure, sure. 787 00:42:49.669 --> 00:42:52.229 But he had the most amazing voice, 788 00:42:52.305 --> 00:42:54.102 like a baby canary. 789 00:42:55.208 --> 00:42:57.267 The devil is everywhere 790 00:42:57.343 --> 00:43:00.210 Hey, Randy, what, the devil, huh 791 00:43:00.279 --> 00:43:02.076 The devil is everywhere 792 00:43:02.148 --> 00:43:04.013 Hey, Randy, what 793 00:43:04.083 --> 00:43:07.280 After Easter service one day, I told him how much I loved his solo 794 00:43:07.353 --> 00:43:09.287 and he finally mustered up the courage to ask me out. 795 00:43:09.355 --> 00:43:11.448 We've been in love ever since. 796 00:43:11.524 --> 00:43:14.322 So, are you boys gonna fuck me now or what? 797 00:43:16.763 --> 00:43:18.958 Rock, paper, scissors to see who goes first. Ready? 798 00:43:19.032 --> 00:43:20.863 - Rock, paper... - Wait a second. 799 00:43:20.933 --> 00:43:22.662 What about Freakshow? 800 00:43:22.735 --> 00:43:26.330 What? You assume we don't know how to have a good time? 801 00:43:26.406 --> 00:43:27.998 I just... 802 00:43:37.050 --> 00:43:38.847 Never mind. Rock, paper, scissors. 803 00:43:38.918 --> 00:43:42.945 Sorry, but if you boys want me, you have to do me at the same time. 804 00:43:43.022 --> 00:43:46.014 - Huh? - Come on, give me the double stuff. 805 00:43:46.092 --> 00:43:47.992 I'm not sure we quite understand, Liane. 806 00:43:48.061 --> 00:43:51.462 I want you both inside me simultaneously. 807 00:43:51.531 --> 00:43:53.522 - One hole or two? - Whatever you want. 808 00:43:53.599 --> 00:43:56.159 Sorry. No, thank you. No, thank you. 809 00:43:56.235 --> 00:43:58.203 Dude, if it's two holes, it might not be that bad. 810 00:43:58.271 --> 00:44:00.000 - Shotgun anus. - Forget it! 811 00:44:00.073 --> 00:44:01.973 I don't want our balls rubbing against each other. 812 00:44:02.041 --> 00:44:03.906 - What, are you kidding? - No way! Forget it. 813 00:44:03.976 --> 00:44:05.705 How about blow jobs? Can we have blow jobs? 814 00:44:11.050 --> 00:44:12.677 Well, okay. 815 00:44:15.621 --> 00:44:16.747 Come here. 816 00:44:16.823 --> 00:44:19.519 Okay. I'm going up there. 817 00:44:19.592 --> 00:44:20.889 I wanna come, too. 818 00:44:20.960 --> 00:44:24.521 - Think you could help me with this? - You need help? 819 00:44:25.832 --> 00:44:28.733 Okay, yeah. It's a little sticky there. 820 00:44:28.801 --> 00:44:30.894 - You can do it. - Okay. 821 00:44:30.970 --> 00:44:32.767 I can do it. I can do it. 822 00:44:46.919 --> 00:44:48.853 Do you wanna play with them? 823 00:44:48.921 --> 00:44:49.910 Play with them. 824 00:44:51.491 --> 00:44:54.051 - Yeah, let's do that. - Okay. 825 00:44:54.127 --> 00:44:55.992 Let's do that. 826 00:44:58.030 --> 00:45:01.056 Well, boys, I fixed your tire. 827 00:45:04.203 --> 00:45:05.568 Hi, honey. 828 00:45:05.638 --> 00:45:09.074 What in the hell are you doing with my wife? 829 00:45:10.042 --> 00:45:13.136 You said outside that we could have sex with her. 830 00:45:13.212 --> 00:45:14.474 Shit! Shit! 831 00:45:14.547 --> 00:45:17.448 - I most certainly did not. - Yeah, you did. 832 00:45:17.517 --> 00:45:18.916 - I did not! - You did. 833 00:45:18.985 --> 00:45:21.010 - Oh, no, I didn't! - You did, you did. 834 00:45:22.722 --> 00:45:25.156 - You sure? - You said it. 835 00:45:29.662 --> 00:45:30.651 My mistake! 836 00:45:30.730 --> 00:45:32.254 Freakshow. 837 00:45:32.331 --> 00:45:35.425 Well, since we're all here... 838 00:45:36.269 --> 00:45:38.260 ...how about a foursome? 839 00:45:38.337 --> 00:45:40.271 Who wants the first reach-around? 840 00:45:48.815 --> 00:45:51.283 Okay, let's agree to never talk about what just happened. 841 00:45:51.350 --> 00:45:52.442 Agreed. 842 00:45:52.518 --> 00:45:55.453 That's a very good idea. 843 00:45:55.521 --> 00:45:57.284 Dude, I have no idea where we are. 844 00:45:57.356 --> 00:45:58.653 What? 845 00:46:00.226 --> 00:46:01.659 - Is that a hitchhiker? - What the hell? 846 00:46:01.727 --> 00:46:04.127 - Should we pick him up? - And get chopped to bits? Are you crazy? 847 00:46:04.197 --> 00:46:06.529 You know what? We're lost. He may know how to get back on the highway. 848 00:46:06.599 --> 00:46:09.090 Get back on the road. This is my car. 849 00:46:09.168 --> 00:46:10.829 We are not picking up a hitchhiker, man. 850 00:46:10.903 --> 00:46:13.633 Hey, guys, thanks for picking me up. 851 00:46:17.543 --> 00:46:20.205 Excuse me, are you Neil Patrick Harris? 852 00:46:20.279 --> 00:46:21.268 Yep. 853 00:46:21.347 --> 00:46:23.372 - Oh, my God, what are you doing here? - Holy shit. 854 00:46:23.449 --> 00:46:25.383 Dude, Doogie Howser M. D. Was, like, my favorite show growing up. 855 00:46:25.451 --> 00:46:26.440 You were my idol. 856 00:46:26.519 --> 00:46:28.749 That's great. Could we get going? I'm bored as shit back here. 857 00:46:29.422 --> 00:46:32.050 - Go, go. - Let's go. This is a frickin' boring spot. 858 00:46:39.498 --> 00:46:42.194 So I gotta ask you, Neil, 859 00:46:42.268 --> 00:46:44.463 did you ever get it on with Wanda off the set? 860 00:46:44.537 --> 00:46:47.131 Dude, I humped every piece of ass ever on that show. 861 00:46:47.206 --> 00:46:48.901 Even the chick who played the hot nurse? 862 00:46:49.976 --> 00:46:53.878 No. I didn't go all the way with her. 863 00:46:57.250 --> 00:46:58.410 Neil, you wouldn't happen to know 864 00:46:58.484 --> 00:46:59.815 how to get on the highway from here, would you? 865 00:46:59.886 --> 00:47:02.013 Dude, I don't even know where the fuck I am right now. 866 00:47:02.088 --> 00:47:03.350 I was at this party earlier tonight 867 00:47:03.422 --> 00:47:06.152 and some guy hooked me up with this incredible X. 868 00:47:06.225 --> 00:47:08.819 The next thing I know, I'm being thrown out of a moving car. 869 00:47:08.895 --> 00:47:12.262 - I've been tripping balls ever since. - That's crazy, dude. 870 00:47:12.331 --> 00:47:13.764 We've been having a pretty crazy night, too. 871 00:47:13.833 --> 00:47:15.596 We've just been driving around looking for White Castle, 872 00:47:15.668 --> 00:47:17.033 but we keep getting sidetracked. 873 00:47:17.103 --> 00:47:18.161 Yeah, dude, you fascinate me. 874 00:47:18.237 --> 00:47:20.205 Forget White Castle. Let's go get some pussy. 875 00:47:20.273 --> 00:47:22.571 - Huh? - It's a fuckin' sausage-fest in here. 876 00:47:22.642 --> 00:47:25.042 Let's get us some poontang. Then we'll go to White Castle. 877 00:47:25.111 --> 00:47:26.169 No, Neil, you don't understand. 878 00:47:26.245 --> 00:47:28.179 We've been craving these burgers all night. 879 00:47:28.247 --> 00:47:30.579 Yeah, I've been craving burgers, too... fur burgers. 880 00:47:30.650 --> 00:47:33.710 Come on, dudes, let's pick up some trim at a strip club. 881 00:47:33.786 --> 00:47:36.220 The Doogie line always works on strippers. 882 00:47:36.289 --> 00:47:39.053 Lap dance. 883 00:47:39.825 --> 00:47:42.726 There's a gas station. I'm gonna see if we can get directions. 884 00:47:42.795 --> 00:47:44.763 We don't need... 885 00:47:46.766 --> 00:47:50.395 Hurry up, dudes, hurry up. I'm losing wood. 886 00:47:54.206 --> 00:47:57.039 Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry. 887 00:47:57.109 --> 00:47:59.077 - Chill. - We'll be right back, Neil. 888 00:47:59.145 --> 00:48:00.442 We'll be back. 889 00:48:06.552 --> 00:48:09.680 What's the deal with Neil Patrick Harris? Why is he so horny? 890 00:48:09.755 --> 00:48:12.883 I don't know, but we can't let him interfere with our quest. 891 00:48:14.393 --> 00:48:17.624 - Oh, God. - Shit, these punks again. 892 00:48:17.697 --> 00:48:19.324 Late-night Math League meeting, homos? 893 00:48:19.398 --> 00:48:21.093 Extreme! 894 00:48:24.303 --> 00:48:25.565 Let's go. 895 00:48:35.381 --> 00:48:38.373 No, no. Pies, pies... no. 896 00:48:44.623 --> 00:48:45.988 Dude, what is that? Is that a pterodactyl? 897 00:48:46.058 --> 00:48:47.457 I do not know what that is. 898 00:48:47.526 --> 00:48:49.460 That was extreme, dude! 899 00:48:49.528 --> 00:48:52.691 Excuse me, can you tell us how to get to the highway from here? 900 00:48:52.765 --> 00:48:53.891 Dude, I got this. 901 00:49:05.711 --> 00:49:08.202 Dude, who knew learning Hindi would actually pay off? 902 00:49:08.280 --> 00:49:10.339 Guy says the highway is, like, a couple traffic lights from here. 903 00:49:10.416 --> 00:49:12.350 We should be in Cherry Hill in ten minutes. 904 00:49:12.418 --> 00:49:14.545 - Ready? One, two, three! - No. No. 905 00:49:14.620 --> 00:49:16.713 - No. - Extreme kayaking! 906 00:49:16.789 --> 00:49:18.256 No! 907 00:49:20.860 --> 00:49:22.157 Extreme! 908 00:49:26.677 --> 00:49:28.838 - Check it out! - Extreme cheddar! 909 00:49:27.299 --> 00:49:29.665 - No! - Man, that was so fuckin' extreme! 910 00:49:34.685 --> 00:49:37.176 - Hey. - Extreme cashier! 911 00:49:38.589 --> 00:49:39.681 Somebody should do something. 912 00:49:41.392 --> 00:49:42.791 Yeah, you're right. 913 00:49:42.860 --> 00:49:45.488 Hey, asshole! Why don't you leave that guy alone 914 00:49:45.563 --> 00:49:47.827 and go jerk off to some snowboarding videos or something? 915 00:49:51.202 --> 00:49:53.067 I didn't mean you should do something about it. 916 00:50:04.882 --> 00:50:06.713 What? You're gonna take that? 917 00:50:06.784 --> 00:50:09.651 What's up with that? Huh? 918 00:50:09.720 --> 00:50:11.449 You're gonna take that? 919 00:50:12.890 --> 00:50:13.914 - Yeah! - Yeah! 920 00:50:13.991 --> 00:50:15.424 - Shit! - That's right, bitch! 921 00:50:15.493 --> 00:50:17.927 You just try fuckin' with me one more time! 922 00:50:17.995 --> 00:50:20.555 Just try it! Thank you, come again. 923 00:50:23.534 --> 00:50:24.592 - Yeah! - Yeah! 924 00:50:26.137 --> 00:50:28.128 Kumar, you okay? 925 00:50:28.206 --> 00:50:30.231 Yeah, dude, I just hate those assholes. 926 00:50:30.308 --> 00:50:32.242 You know what? Fuck it, I'm hungry. Let's just get outta here. 927 00:50:46.724 --> 00:50:49.693 Did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car? 928 00:50:53.197 --> 00:50:56.098 Yes. I think he did. 929 00:51:11.983 --> 00:51:14.713 You! You had to pick up a hitchhiker! Why?! 930 00:51:14.785 --> 00:51:15.774 Calm down. 931 00:51:15.853 --> 00:51:17.286 Why did you leave the keys in the car? 932 00:51:17.355 --> 00:51:18.913 Why? Because it would get stolen. 933 00:51:18.990 --> 00:51:21.891 I figured that Neil Patrick Harris was a trustworthy guy. 934 00:51:21.959 --> 00:51:23.722 Come on. How was I supposed to know he'd fuck us over? 935 00:51:23.794 --> 00:51:26.627 This whole freaking night, this whole night, is your fault! 936 00:51:28.466 --> 00:51:31.299 - Where are you going? - I'm going inside to call the police. 937 00:51:31.369 --> 00:51:33.428 I don't want to talk to you anymore. 938 00:51:36.174 --> 00:51:38.335 - Yeah! - Yeah! 939 00:51:38.409 --> 00:51:40.206 There's a pay phone across the street 940 00:51:40.278 --> 00:51:42.371 if you don't wanna deal with those assholes. 941 00:51:56.060 --> 00:51:59.791 After we talk to the cops, we're still going to White Castle, right? 942 00:51:59.864 --> 00:52:02.264 I'm not speaking to you. 943 00:52:02.333 --> 00:52:05.393 When are they fucking going to develop button technology 944 00:52:05.469 --> 00:52:06.959 that will understand urgency?! 945 00:52:07.038 --> 00:52:10.371 - Dude, this is ridiculous. Just walk across. - It'll change in a second. 946 00:52:10.441 --> 00:52:12.102 There's not a car in sight. Just go ahead. 947 00:52:12.176 --> 00:52:15.373 Fine. You want me to cross? I will cross. 948 00:52:15.446 --> 00:52:17.846 If it makes you happy, I will cross. 949 00:52:18.883 --> 00:52:19.975 I'll do it. 950 00:52:25.120 --> 00:52:26.485 Shit! 951 00:52:26.555 --> 00:52:29.183 - What... - Sorry. 952 00:52:32.394 --> 00:52:34.954 Is there a problem, Officer Palumbo? 953 00:52:35.030 --> 00:52:37.225 Is there a problem? You ever heard of jaywalking? 954 00:52:37.299 --> 00:52:39.062 Yes, I have. I'm really sorry. Won't happen again. 955 00:52:39.134 --> 00:52:41.159 That's great. I'm writing you up a ticket. 956 00:52:41.237 --> 00:52:42.636 A ticket? Are you serious? 957 00:52:42.705 --> 00:52:44.673 Who the fuck are you, shitwad? 958 00:52:44.740 --> 00:52:47.334 Let me apologize for my friend here. I'm very sorry. 959 00:52:47.409 --> 00:52:49.309 I'm really glad you're here. We've had a rough night. 960 00:52:49.378 --> 00:52:51.141 You know the show Doogie Howser M. D.? 961 00:52:51.213 --> 00:52:54.512 Great show. God, I love that show. "Doogie." 962 00:52:54.583 --> 00:52:57.051 Neil Patrick Harris stole my car tonight. 963 00:52:57.119 --> 00:52:59.280 Hey, NPH wouldn't do that, all right? 964 00:52:59.355 --> 00:53:00.686 Give me some I.D. 965 00:53:00.756 --> 00:53:03.088 Excuse me, how can you give him a ticket for jaywalking? 966 00:53:03.158 --> 00:53:06.650 It's 2:30 in the morning. There's not a car around here. 967 00:53:06.729 --> 00:53:07.855 Kumar, shut up. 968 00:53:07.930 --> 00:53:09.192 That's not the kind of tone you want to use 969 00:53:09.265 --> 00:53:10.755 on a cop who can bust your ass. 970 00:53:10.833 --> 00:53:13.427 - Bust my ass? - Yeah, Koo-mar. 971 00:53:13.502 --> 00:53:16.027 Bust your ass. 972 00:53:16.105 --> 00:53:18.767 What kind of name is that anyhow? Koo-mar. 973 00:53:18.841 --> 00:53:21.435 What is that, like, five O's or two U's? 974 00:53:21.510 --> 00:53:23.137 No, it's actually one U. 975 00:53:23.212 --> 00:53:24.702 Yeah, bullshit. 976 00:53:24.780 --> 00:53:28.216 Whatever happened to good old American names like Dave or Jim? 977 00:53:28.284 --> 00:53:29.911 - Harold. - Harold. 978 00:53:29.985 --> 00:53:31.646 - Are you kidd... - Now that's a great name. 979 00:53:31.720 --> 00:53:33.278 - Let me take care of this. - You should be proud of that name, son. 980 00:53:33.355 --> 00:53:35.050 As you were, ladies. 981 00:53:36.125 --> 00:53:39.253 - $220?! Are you crazy?! - Kumar, if you don't stop... 982 00:53:39.328 --> 00:53:41.660 No, I understand exactly what's going on here. 983 00:53:41.730 --> 00:53:44.528 Excuse me, officer, let me take a couple of guesses. 984 00:53:44.600 --> 00:53:46.568 - I'm really sorry... - Get your hands down! 985 00:53:46.635 --> 00:53:48.865 - Okay, alright. - No sudden moves. Back it up! 986 00:53:48.938 --> 00:53:51.236 You were probably the big asshole in your high school, right? 987 00:53:51.307 --> 00:53:52.467 Absolutely right. 988 00:53:52.541 --> 00:53:54.099 Used to pick on guys like us every day, right? 989 00:53:54.176 --> 00:53:55.234 With pleasure. 990 00:53:55.311 --> 00:53:57.541 Then graduation day came, and we went to college, 991 00:53:57.613 --> 00:53:59.274 and you went nowhere, and you thought, 992 00:53:59.348 --> 00:54:01.077 "Hey, how can I still give them shit? 993 00:54:01.150 --> 00:54:02.777 I know, I'll become a cop." 994 00:54:02.851 --> 00:54:05.752 Well, congratu-fuckin'-lations. Your dream has come true. 995 00:54:05.821 --> 00:54:07.948 Now, why don't you just take this quiet little Asian guy 996 00:54:08.023 --> 00:54:10.150 with the Anglicized name that treats you so well 997 00:54:10.225 --> 00:54:11.624 and give him a couple of other tickets? 998 00:54:11.694 --> 00:54:13.457 - Better yet, just take him to jail. - Better idea. 999 00:54:13.529 --> 00:54:15.497 Why don't you just arrest him? Does that work out for you okay, Harold? 1000 00:54:15.564 --> 00:54:16.792 - "Great American name, Harold." - Let's go, Harold. 1001 00:54:16.865 --> 00:54:18.799 Thanks to your buddy, we're going downtow... 1002 00:54:24.239 --> 00:54:25.570 Oh, shit. 1003 00:54:26.642 --> 00:54:31.272 Well, thank you so much for being understanding about Bradley. 1004 00:54:31.347 --> 00:54:33.941 I promise you he won't ever do it again. 1005 00:54:34.016 --> 00:54:35.677 I'm sure he won't. 1006 00:54:36.418 --> 00:54:38.147 Right, Brad? 1007 00:54:38.220 --> 00:54:40.120 Yes, sir, Officer Palumbo, sir. 1008 00:54:40.189 --> 00:54:44.250 - Mommy, can we go home? - Get in the car, Bradley Thomas. 1009 00:54:44.326 --> 00:54:45.350 Bye, Brad. 1010 00:54:45.427 --> 00:54:47.452 Are you gonna do something about my car? 1011 00:54:48.130 --> 00:54:49.495 First our top story. 1012 00:54:49.565 --> 00:54:52.591 The search for the escaped cheetah continues tonight. 1013 00:54:52.668 --> 00:54:55.660 It was last spotted in Randolph County. South of... 1014 00:54:56.805 --> 00:55:00.036 - So what are you in here for? - For being black. 1015 00:55:00.743 --> 00:55:01.732 Seriously. 1016 00:55:02.378 --> 00:55:04.903 I am serious. You wanna know what happened? 1017 00:55:06.248 --> 00:55:08.739 I was walking out of a Barnes & Noble, 1018 00:55:08.817 --> 00:55:10.216 and a cop stops me. 1019 00:55:10.285 --> 00:55:13.652 Evidently a black guy robbed a store in Newark. 1020 00:55:13.722 --> 00:55:17.317 I told him, "I haven't even been to Newark in months." 1021 00:55:17.393 --> 00:55:19.088 So, he starts beating me with his gun... 1022 00:55:19.161 --> 00:55:21.459 ...telling me to stop resisting arrest. - Holy shit! What'd you do? 1023 00:55:21.530 --> 00:55:23.794 I kept saying, "I understand I'm under arrest. 1024 00:55:23.866 --> 00:55:25.959 Now please stop beating me." 1025 00:55:26.035 --> 00:55:28.401 I don't understand how you can be so calm about all this. 1026 00:55:28.470 --> 00:55:32.497 Look at me. I'm fat, black, can't dance, 1027 00:55:32.574 --> 00:55:34.201 and I have two gay fathers. 1028 00:55:35.110 --> 00:55:37.943 People have been messing with me my whole life. 1029 00:55:38.013 --> 00:55:41.779 I learned a long time ago that there's no sense getting all riled up 1030 00:55:41.850 --> 00:55:44.250 every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. 1031 00:55:44.987 --> 00:55:49.185 In the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should. 1032 00:55:50.659 --> 00:55:53.059 Plus I have a really large penis. That keeps me happy. 1033 00:55:54.263 --> 00:55:55.355 Hey, hey, listen up, guys! 1034 00:55:55.431 --> 00:55:56.898 Multiple gunshots fired in Millbrook Park. 1035 00:55:56.965 --> 00:55:59.160 Finally, some action. I'm goin'! 1036 00:55:59.234 --> 00:56:01.293 - No, I'm goin'! - Lock and load! 1037 00:56:09.445 --> 00:56:10.434 That was strange. 1038 00:56:13.782 --> 00:56:15.943 What the hell was that? 1039 00:56:16.018 --> 00:56:18.213 Rold. Is that you? 1040 00:56:18.287 --> 00:56:20.414 - Kumar? - Are the cops still here? 1041 00:56:20.489 --> 00:56:21.820 What the hell are you doing? 1042 00:56:21.890 --> 00:56:24.415 I just called and made up some story about a shooting in Millbrook Park. 1043 00:56:24.493 --> 00:56:26.586 - Jesus Christ, what'd you do that for? - I'm fucking starving. 1044 00:56:26.662 --> 00:56:29.358 I figured I'd bust you out and we'd go get some burgers. 1045 00:56:29.431 --> 00:56:31.797 Forget it. I'm not getting into any more trouble. 1046 00:56:31.867 --> 00:56:33.528 I'm already in here because of you. 1047 00:56:33.602 --> 00:56:34.591 Hey, fuck you! 1048 00:56:34.670 --> 00:56:36.968 What did you want me to do, stand there and take the hit? 1049 00:56:37.039 --> 00:56:38.563 You know I've never taken a swing at you, ever. 1050 00:56:38.640 --> 00:56:39.902 Well, I never got your car stolen. 1051 00:56:39.975 --> 00:56:41.272 - Fine. I'm leaving. - Fine. 1052 00:56:45.047 --> 00:56:48.915 - Harold, how do I get out of here? - How the hell should I know? 1053 00:56:48.984 --> 00:56:51.077 Shit! Oh, God, this isn't good. 1054 00:56:58.026 --> 00:56:59.721 My ass! 1055 00:57:03.265 --> 00:57:05.631 Sure you don't want to get out of here? 1056 00:57:05.701 --> 00:57:07.635 And become a fugitive? Are you nuts? 1057 00:57:07.703 --> 00:57:10.035 - The guy has all my information. - So what? 1058 00:57:10.105 --> 00:57:12.005 We'll just take what he wrote down about you and leave. 1059 00:57:12.074 --> 00:57:13.507 Unless you want to stay here all night 1060 00:57:13.575 --> 00:57:15.566 and not be able to turn in your work tomorrow. 1061 00:57:20.048 --> 00:57:21.242 Fine, hurry up. 1062 00:57:21.316 --> 00:57:24.217 Yes! All right, we gotta find keys. 1063 00:57:24.286 --> 00:57:26.584 Oh, yes! 1064 00:57:26.655 --> 00:57:28.816 Sweet! I was hoping it would be one of these big ring of keys. 1065 00:57:28.891 --> 00:57:31.325 - Kumar, hurry the fuck up. - All right, yeah. 1066 00:57:37.833 --> 00:57:39.130 - Yes! - Dude! 1067 00:57:41.370 --> 00:57:43.998 - Hey, what's that smell? - What smell? 1068 00:57:44.973 --> 00:57:46.304 Kumar. 1069 00:58:00.122 --> 00:58:04.183 If we still have time. We might still get by 1070 00:58:04.259 --> 00:58:07.956 Every time I think about it I wanna cry 1071 00:58:08.030 --> 00:58:11.727 With bombs and the devil. And the kids keep comin' 1072 00:58:11.800 --> 00:58:16.533 No way to breathe easy. No time to be young 1073 00:58:18.440 --> 00:58:22.672 But I tell myself that I'm doin' all right 1074 00:58:22.744 --> 00:58:25.804 There's nothin' left to do at night 1075 00:58:25.881 --> 00:58:28.816 But go crazy on you 1076 00:58:30.152 --> 00:58:33.087 Crazy on you 1077 00:58:33.155 --> 00:58:37.353 Let me go crazy. Crazy on you 1078 00:58:38.827 --> 00:58:41.853 Crazy on you 1079 00:58:41.930 --> 00:58:45.866 Bitch! Learn how to fuckin' make coffee, you fuckin' whore! 1080 00:58:45.934 --> 00:58:48.198 Let me go crazy. Crazy on you 1081 00:58:48.270 --> 00:58:49.828 I love you. 1082 00:58:50.372 --> 00:58:52.067 No, no, no. 1083 00:58:52.875 --> 00:58:54.809 No, baby, come on. 1084 00:58:56.044 --> 00:58:59.036 Hey, Kumar. Kumar! Where are you... 1085 00:58:59.114 --> 00:59:01.241 Kumar! Still in jail, asshole! 1086 00:59:01.316 --> 00:59:02.613 Come here! 1087 00:59:06.388 --> 00:59:07.412 Kumar! The cops... 1088 00:59:07.489 --> 00:59:09.423 You thought you'd get away with it, huh? 1089 00:59:09.491 --> 00:59:12.221 I was in bed. I didn't fire any gun. I swear. 1090 00:59:13.462 --> 00:59:15.760 Hey, Jackson's trying to escape! 1091 00:59:15.831 --> 00:59:17.890 What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here. 1092 00:59:17.966 --> 00:59:19.092 He's trying to break free! Get him! 1093 00:59:19.167 --> 00:59:21.601 - Aw, shit. - Don't move! 1094 00:59:23.505 --> 00:59:25.769 Stop resisting! We need backup now! 1095 00:59:25.841 --> 00:59:27.706 - He's got a gun. - That's not a gun, that's a book. 1096 00:59:27.776 --> 00:59:29.710 - Secure the book! - Book is secure. 1097 00:59:29.778 --> 00:59:33.509 You bring this filth in here? What is this shit? 1098 00:59:33.582 --> 00:59:36.107 Wait, wait. We gotta do something about this. 1099 00:59:36.184 --> 00:59:38.584 We're gonna teach you how to read now, brother. 1100 00:59:39.221 --> 00:59:41.621 If I were you, I'd leave as soon as possible. 1101 00:59:41.690 --> 00:59:43.248 - Whose hand is that? - Thanks, man. 1102 00:59:53.702 --> 00:59:56.569 Jesus Christ. Thanks for getting me out, man. 1103 00:59:56.638 --> 01:00:00.734 No problem. The burgers wouldn't taste as good if you weren't there. 1104 01:00:00.809 --> 01:00:02.174 Hey, look at this. 1105 01:00:02.244 --> 01:00:06.010 It's like we went from being completely poor to being millionaires. 1106 01:00:07.816 --> 01:00:10.114 - What was that? - Probably just a coyote. 1107 01:00:10.185 --> 01:00:12.085 Aren't people supposed to be scared of coyotes? 1108 01:00:12.154 --> 01:00:13.644 That's just 'cause they sound scary, man. 1109 01:00:13.722 --> 01:00:16.850 In one-on-one combat, either of us could take down a coyote, no problem. 1110 01:00:16.925 --> 01:00:18.085 What? 1111 01:00:21.463 --> 01:00:23.192 Now, cheetahs are another story. 1112 01:00:25.901 --> 01:00:27.869 - We're gonna die. - No, now hold on. 1113 01:00:27.936 --> 01:00:29.403 Cheetahs are used to eating gazelles and shit. 1114 01:00:29.471 --> 01:00:30.665 They're not known for eating humans. 1115 01:00:32.274 --> 01:00:34.640 That is a corpse. We're gonna die. 1116 01:00:34.710 --> 01:00:36.041 Shit! That's not a good sign. 1117 01:00:36.111 --> 01:00:39.205 Maybe if we just stay really, really still, he'll just go away. 1118 01:00:39.281 --> 01:00:40.441 Okay. 1119 01:00:41.383 --> 01:00:43.214 Just stay really still. Don't move, okay? 1120 01:00:43.285 --> 01:00:45.378 Just stay right there. Very good. Good job. 1121 01:00:45.454 --> 01:00:47.149 This isn't working. 1122 01:00:51.193 --> 01:00:54.219 He's mauling me! He's mauling me! 1123 01:00:58.233 --> 01:01:01.066 Dude, I told you not to bring the beef jerky. 1124 01:01:11.546 --> 01:01:13.138 He likes me. 1125 01:01:15.751 --> 01:01:17.981 Hey, Rold, I have an idea. 1126 01:01:19.855 --> 01:01:23.291 - You gotta be kidding me, man. - Uh-uh. 1127 01:01:28.330 --> 01:01:30.423 This is either a really smart move 1128 01:01:30.499 --> 01:01:33.195 or by far the stupidest thing that we have ever tried. 1129 01:01:33.268 --> 01:01:35.498 Well, we're about to find out. 1130 01:01:36.605 --> 01:01:37.594 Mush! 1131 01:01:39.341 --> 01:01:40.968 I told you this was... 1132 01:01:50.285 --> 01:01:51.274 Oy vey! 1133 01:01:53.789 --> 01:01:58.089 Dude, am I really high, or is this actually working? 1134 01:01:58.160 --> 01:02:00.651 - Both! - This is awesome! 1135 01:02:00.729 --> 01:02:02.822 We're gonna be at White Castle in no time! 1136 01:02:03.532 --> 01:02:04.931 That was close, huh, Roldy? 1137 01:02:09.971 --> 01:02:13.372 Harold. I need you, Harold. 1138 01:02:21.616 --> 01:02:23.811 I need you, Harold. 1139 01:02:24.352 --> 01:02:25.944 Come here. 1140 01:02:26.021 --> 01:02:28.387 - Come here, Harold. - Maria. 1141 01:02:28.457 --> 01:02:30.925 - Come, Harold. - I'm coming, baby! 1142 01:02:31.827 --> 01:02:34.352 I want you to hold me. Papi. I need you. 1143 01:02:34.429 --> 01:02:37.262 Baby, I'm a-comin'! 1144 01:02:37.766 --> 01:02:38.755 Not so fast. 1145 01:02:38.834 --> 01:02:40.495 Watch out, watch out 1146 01:02:42.204 --> 01:02:43.569 Come on! 1147 01:02:46.341 --> 01:02:51.643 Bullets... my only weakness. How did you know? 1148 01:02:51.713 --> 01:02:52.702 Maria 1149 01:02:52.781 --> 01:02:54.271 Harold. 1150 01:02:54.349 --> 01:02:55.680 Maria. 1151 01:02:55.750 --> 01:02:58.514 Maria 1152 01:03:04.459 --> 01:03:06.256 Maria. Maria 1153 01:03:12.000 --> 01:03:13.297 Watch out, watch out 1154 01:03:15.871 --> 01:03:17.805 Watch out, watch out 1155 01:03:21.042 --> 01:03:24.011 What the hell are you doing? God! 1156 01:03:24.079 --> 01:03:25.944 You've been out cold for the past half-hour. 1157 01:03:26.014 --> 01:03:28.209 I figured maybe if I did some gay shit you'd wake up. 1158 01:03:28.283 --> 01:03:30.547 If we did some gay shit? Where are we? 1159 01:03:30.619 --> 01:03:33.520 Didn't we come here on a cheetah? Where's the cheetah? 1160 01:03:33.588 --> 01:03:35.818 It ran away. Listen, forget about the cheetah, okay? 1161 01:03:35.891 --> 01:03:38.121 I have some bad news and some worse news. 1162 01:03:38.193 --> 01:03:40.024 Give me the worse news first. 1163 01:03:40.095 --> 01:03:41.528 I looked at some of the road signs up there, 1164 01:03:41.596 --> 01:03:43.826 and it looks like the cheetah took us in the wrong direction. 1165 01:03:43.899 --> 01:03:46.026 - Shit! - Yeah. 1166 01:03:46.201 --> 01:03:47.725 - Shit! - Yeah. 1167 01:03:48.803 --> 01:03:50.395 All right, what's the bad news? 1168 01:03:50.472 --> 01:03:52.372 Your laptop's completely destroyed. 1169 01:03:52.440 --> 01:03:53.839 What? 1170 01:03:53.909 --> 01:03:57.242 Why didn't... Why didn't you tell me... 1171 01:03:57.312 --> 01:04:00.042 How is that not the worse news? 1172 01:04:00.115 --> 01:04:02.083 The laptop situation really only affects you, 1173 01:04:02.150 --> 01:04:06.086 whereas the White Castle situation affects both of us equally. 1174 01:04:08.823 --> 01:04:10.848 Oh, no! Oh, no! 1175 01:04:10.926 --> 01:04:13.724 All my work was saved on this computer. 1176 01:04:13.795 --> 01:04:15.763 Now I gotta go back to the office and redo it. 1177 01:04:15.830 --> 01:04:16.854 Exactly. First we'll go to White Castle... 1178 01:04:16.932 --> 01:04:18.957 Forget about White Castle. There is no time. 1179 01:04:20.001 --> 01:04:21.161 Car. 1180 01:04:27.409 --> 01:04:29.309 Hello. Over here! 1181 01:04:32.047 --> 01:04:33.537 Shit. 1182 01:04:50.070 --> 01:04:51.537 Whoa. 1183 01:04:53.173 --> 01:04:54.265 Yeah. Um... 1184 01:04:55.475 --> 01:04:57.773 All right, we'll get a pay phone, 1185 01:04:57.845 --> 01:05:00.143 get a cab back to your office, all right? 1186 01:05:01.381 --> 01:05:03.008 Come on. You all right? 1187 01:05:12.826 --> 01:05:14.851 - Hey, check this out! - Yeah, nice! 1188 01:05:17.564 --> 01:05:18.997 Hey, Apu! 1189 01:05:19.066 --> 01:05:21.534 Jesus. These guys are frickin' everywhere. 1190 01:05:21.602 --> 01:05:24.469 Who's looking after the Kwik-E-Mart while you're gone? 1191 01:05:24.538 --> 01:05:26.836 You two going to share a curry Slurpee? 1192 01:05:26.907 --> 01:05:28.397 Fucking assholes. 1193 01:05:29.076 --> 01:05:31.340 Dude, check it out. It's Rosenberg and Goldstein. 1194 01:05:36.383 --> 01:05:37.611 I want that. 1195 01:05:37.684 --> 01:05:39.549 What, a Hot Dog Heaven super chili cheese dog? 1196 01:05:39.620 --> 01:05:42.384 No. I want that feeling. 1197 01:05:42.456 --> 01:05:44.822 The feeling that comes over a man 1198 01:05:44.892 --> 01:05:46.985 when he gets exactly what he desires. 1199 01:05:47.060 --> 01:05:48.994 I need that feeling. 1200 01:05:49.062 --> 01:05:50.620 Are you saying what I think you're saying? 1201 01:05:50.697 --> 01:05:52.961 - We gotta go to White Castle. - Yes, yes! 1202 01:05:53.033 --> 01:05:54.660 I knew you had it in you, dude. 1203 01:06:02.418 --> 01:06:04.249 What are you gonna do about it, Mr. Miyagi? 1204 01:06:07.524 --> 01:06:08.957 That's extreme, man! 1205 01:06:09.792 --> 01:06:11.885 There's no sense getting all riled up 1206 01:06:11.961 --> 01:06:14.725 every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. 1207 01:06:14.797 --> 01:06:18.597 The universe tends to unfold as it should. 1208 01:06:20.169 --> 01:06:21.158 Nothing. 1209 01:06:23.072 --> 01:06:25.267 - Fucking extreme! - I'm so sick of their bullshit. 1210 01:06:26.876 --> 01:06:30.437 Don't worry. The universe tends to unfold as it should. 1211 01:06:30.513 --> 01:06:33.209 What is that, some fortune cookie? 1212 01:06:34.784 --> 01:06:38.481 Hey, I got a plan. Follow my lead, okay? 1213 01:06:38.555 --> 01:06:40.284 - Your lead? - Yeah. 1214 01:06:40.356 --> 01:06:41.789 Okay. 1215 01:06:41.858 --> 01:06:44.986 Whoa, what are you doing? Oh, shit! 1216 01:06:49.399 --> 01:06:50.388 Those pricks! 1217 01:06:50.466 --> 01:06:52.661 - This is your plan? - It's working, isn't it? 1218 01:06:54.871 --> 01:06:57.032 Come on, come on! Get 'em, guys! 1219 01:06:57.106 --> 01:06:58.937 - Jerk-offs! - My truck! 1220 01:07:01.611 --> 01:07:03.670 Thank you, come again. 1221 01:07:08.952 --> 01:07:11.921 Dude, that was so not extreme. 1222 01:07:13.230 --> 01:07:16.631 "Cole's Extreme Mix, Volume 5"? What is this shit? 1223 01:07:17.902 --> 01:07:21.133 And I need you now tonight 1224 01:07:21.205 --> 01:07:23.799 Those guys are fuckin' posers. 1225 01:07:24.742 --> 01:07:28.940 And if you'll only hold me tight 1226 01:07:29.013 --> 01:07:34.076 Baby. Baby. The stars are shining foryou 1227 01:07:34.151 --> 01:07:38.645 And just like me. I'm sure that they adore you 1228 01:07:38.723 --> 01:07:39.951 Baby. Baby 1229 01:07:40.024 --> 01:07:42.993 Go walking through the forest 1230 01:07:43.060 --> 01:07:45.620 Things'll go your way 1231 01:07:45.696 --> 01:07:47.926 Hold on for one more day 1232 01:07:47.999 --> 01:07:50.126 I know that there is pain 1233 01:07:50.201 --> 01:07:52.362 But you hold on for one more day 1234 01:07:52.436 --> 01:07:56.839 And you break free from the chains 1235 01:07:57.708 --> 01:07:59.676 Yeah. I know that there is pain 1236 01:07:59.744 --> 01:08:02.304 But you hold on for one more day 1237 01:08:02.380 --> 01:08:05.508 And you break free right from the chains 1238 01:08:07.351 --> 01:08:10.514 Someday somebody's gonna make you wanna turn around 1239 01:08:10.588 --> 01:08:12.681 - And say good-bye - Say good-bye 1240 01:08:12.757 --> 01:08:14.122 Until then, baby 1241 01:08:14.191 --> 01:08:16.591 Are you gonna let 'em hold you down and make you cry? 1242 01:08:16.661 --> 01:08:19.687 Don't you know things can change 1243 01:08:19.764 --> 01:08:21.197 Things'll go your way 1244 01:08:21.265 --> 01:08:25.759 If you hold on for one more day 1245 01:08:25.836 --> 01:08:28.805 Hold on 1246 01:08:32.877 --> 01:08:34.037 Bingo. 1247 01:08:34.378 --> 01:08:37.541 Yeah, dude! Cherry Hill, man. We're almost there. 1248 01:08:37.615 --> 01:08:38.980 I told you, man! 1249 01:08:39.050 --> 01:08:41.382 I found 'em, and I'm gonna need backup. 1250 01:08:41.452 --> 01:08:43.647 - Oh, shit. - Shit. 1251 01:08:43.721 --> 01:08:46.383 Fudge, dude. Are you kidding me? 1252 01:08:47.058 --> 01:08:50.255 - What the hell are you doing? - I'm not going back to jail, man. 1253 01:08:50.327 --> 01:08:53.194 We've come too far. Now buckle up. Buckle up! 1254 01:08:54.932 --> 01:08:57.127 We got a chase on our hands. 1255 01:08:58.602 --> 01:09:00.866 - Ready? - Yeah. For what? 1256 01:09:00.938 --> 01:09:02.200 Oh, shit! 1257 01:09:04.809 --> 01:09:07.505 - Where the fuck you takin' us? - Just hold on. 1258 01:09:12.817 --> 01:09:14.114 What the... 1259 01:09:18.089 --> 01:09:20.887 It's a good thing I have an empty stomach or else I'd puke right now. 1260 01:09:25.596 --> 01:09:26.927 We're gonna make it. 1261 01:09:27.865 --> 01:09:29.799 Everything's gonna be all ri... 1262 01:09:31.902 --> 01:09:33.767 Oh, my God! 1263 01:09:35.239 --> 01:09:36.604 Oh, shit. Holy shit. 1264 01:09:36.674 --> 01:09:39.199 - Put her in reverse. Hurry! - Shit! 1265 01:09:39.276 --> 01:09:41.141 Let's go out the back. I'll go first. 1266 01:09:41.212 --> 01:09:44.045 - Don't shake the car! - Well, hurry up! 1267 01:09:51.655 --> 01:09:53.179 Hey, Roldy, check it out. 1268 01:10:05.770 --> 01:10:07.931 Shit, shit! We're trapped, man! 1269 01:10:11.575 --> 01:10:14.271 Whoa. Not necessarily. 1270 01:10:15.246 --> 01:10:16.838 No. 1271 01:10:16.914 --> 01:10:19.280 No, not a chance. I'd rather turn myself in than die. 1272 01:10:19.350 --> 01:10:20.715 No, dude, I know exactly how to do that. 1273 01:10:20.785 --> 01:10:22.810 I used to do it with my dad all the time when I was a kid. 1274 01:10:22.887 --> 01:10:25.754 Forget it! I'm not risking my life over a bunch of hamburgers, man. 1275 01:10:25.823 --> 01:10:28.087 So you think this is just about the burgers, huh? 1276 01:10:28.993 --> 01:10:32.485 Let me tell you, it's about far more than that. 1277 01:10:34.331 --> 01:10:36.299 Our parents came to this country, 1278 01:10:36.367 --> 01:10:40.394 escaping persecution, poverty, and hunger. 1279 01:10:41.238 --> 01:10:43.103 Hunger, Harold. 1280 01:10:43.174 --> 01:10:46.075 They were very, very hungry. 1281 01:10:47.178 --> 01:10:49.874 They wanted to live in a land that treated them as equals, 1282 01:10:49.947 --> 01:10:52.006 a land filled with hamburger stands. 1283 01:10:52.082 --> 01:10:54.107 And not just one type of hamburger, okay? 1284 01:10:54.185 --> 01:10:57.780 Hundreds of types with different sizes, toppings, and condiments. 1285 01:10:59.757 --> 01:11:01.725 That land was America. 1286 01:11:02.359 --> 01:11:05.658 America, Harold! America! 1287 01:11:06.831 --> 01:11:10.494 Now, this is about achieving what our parents set out for. 1288 01:11:10.568 --> 01:11:13.731 This is about the pursuit of happiness. 1289 01:11:13.804 --> 01:11:17.740 This night... is about the American dream. 1290 01:11:25.149 --> 01:11:27.242 Dude, we can stay here, get arrested, 1291 01:11:27.318 --> 01:11:30.287 and end our hopes of ever going to White Castle. 1292 01:11:30.354 --> 01:11:34.188 Or we can take that hang glider and make our leap towards freedom. 1293 01:11:34.258 --> 01:11:36.590 I leave the decision up to you. 1294 01:11:39.396 --> 01:11:41.193 I hate you, Kumar. 1295 01:11:42.700 --> 01:11:44.395 Tilt forward. 1296 01:11:44.468 --> 01:11:45.457 - Roldy. - What? 1297 01:11:45.536 --> 01:11:47.299 - Don't worry. Everything's gonna be fine. - All right. 1298 01:11:51.041 --> 01:11:52.668 - Good job, Rold. Keep running. - Thank you. 1299 01:11:52.743 --> 01:11:55.871 Hey, Roldy, there's something I forgot to tell you. 1300 01:11:55.946 --> 01:11:58.005 - I've never hang-glided before. - What?! 1301 01:11:58.082 --> 01:11:59.310 Jump! 1302 01:12:07.758 --> 01:12:08.747 Oh, my God! 1303 01:12:08.826 --> 01:12:10.691 - Dude, it's working! - Oh, my God! 1304 01:12:10.761 --> 01:12:12.729 Yeah! 1305 01:12:13.364 --> 01:12:14.422 Good news. 1306 01:12:14.498 --> 01:12:16.830 I just found enough dope in the car 1307 01:12:16.901 --> 01:12:20.302 to put these skateboard punks in jail for the next couple of years. 1308 01:12:22.640 --> 01:12:26.076 - Dude, we're so high right now. - We're not low. 1309 01:12:33.250 --> 01:12:37.209 All right, I'm bringing her in. Right, left, left. 1310 01:12:37.288 --> 01:12:38.721 Perfect! 1311 01:12:38.789 --> 01:12:40.984 - Shit! - Shit! 1312 01:12:52.770 --> 01:12:54.328 God! 1313 01:12:54.405 --> 01:12:55.770 I'm gonna kill you! 1314 01:12:57.274 --> 01:12:58.707 Look! 1315 01:13:09.153 --> 01:13:10.586 We made it, dude. 1316 01:13:28.572 --> 01:13:30.506 Looks like you guys had some night, huh? 1317 01:13:30.574 --> 01:13:33.839 I want 30 Slyders, 5 French fries, and 4 large Cherry Cokes. 1318 01:13:33.911 --> 01:13:37.847 I want the same, except make mine Diet Cokes, Chuck. 1319 01:13:37.915 --> 01:13:41.817 Wow. Well, that comes to $46.75. 1320 01:13:44.054 --> 01:13:47.046 - Dude, where's my money? - You don't have money? 1321 01:13:47.124 --> 01:13:48.421 - Dude, are you kidding me? - No. 1322 01:13:48.492 --> 01:13:50.517 I gave mine to that asshole at Princeton. 1323 01:13:50.594 --> 01:13:53.722 Fuck! Fuck that hippie fuck! No! Dude, this isn't happening! 1324 01:13:53.797 --> 01:13:55.458 We didn't make it here, and now we're broke! 1325 01:13:55.532 --> 01:13:56.794 No, no, no, no! 1326 01:13:56.867 --> 01:14:00.098 Guys, let me pay for it. It's the least I can do. 1327 01:14:00.170 --> 01:14:01.535 The hell are you doing here? 1328 01:14:01.605 --> 01:14:03.835 You guys kept talking about White Castle last night so much, 1329 01:14:03.907 --> 01:14:05.204 it made me start to crave it, too. 1330 01:14:05.275 --> 01:14:07.641 - Dude, where's my car? - Where's his car, dude? 1331 01:14:07.711 --> 01:14:11.203 Yeah, sorry about that. I told you last night I was tripping balls. 1332 01:14:11.281 --> 01:14:12.805 I don't know what came over me. 1333 01:14:12.883 --> 01:14:15.283 Your car's in the parking lot. Here are your keys. 1334 01:14:15.352 --> 01:14:17.820 Do you realize what the hell we had to go through after you took the car? 1335 01:14:17.888 --> 01:14:20.686 Yeah. It was a dick move on my part. 1336 01:14:20.758 --> 01:14:24.319 That's why I'm paying for your meal. Prick. 1337 01:14:24.395 --> 01:14:25.794 Thanks, I guess. 1338 01:14:25.863 --> 01:14:30.926 Here's 50 bucks for the burgers and 200 for the car. 1339 01:14:32.102 --> 01:14:33.399 What happened to my car? 1340 01:14:33.470 --> 01:14:36.667 I made some love stains in the back seat. 1341 01:14:36.740 --> 01:14:38.469 You'll see. 1342 01:14:41.178 --> 01:14:43.305 Anyway, nice meeting you guys. I'll catch you later. 1343 01:14:43.847 --> 01:14:45.109 Where are you going? 1344 01:14:46.550 --> 01:14:48.279 Wherever God takes me. 1345 01:15:05.903 --> 01:15:07.768 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1346 01:15:07.838 --> 01:15:08.862 Let's do this together. 1347 01:15:46.110 --> 01:15:47.702 Damn, that hit the spot. 1348 01:15:47.778 --> 01:15:50.747 - That was the best meal of my life. - Mine, too. 1349 01:15:50.814 --> 01:15:52.372 You know what, dude? 1350 01:15:52.449 --> 01:15:54.747 I think I may actually go to my interview today. 1351 01:15:54.818 --> 01:15:55.910 Are you serious? 1352 01:15:55.986 --> 01:15:57.476 You know, my whole life I've just been scared 1353 01:15:57.554 --> 01:15:59.681 of being one of those nerdy Indian guys turned doctor, 1354 01:15:59.756 --> 01:16:01.314 but tonight got me thinking. 1355 01:16:01.391 --> 01:16:03.621 There are far worse things in this world than being tapped 1356 01:16:03.694 --> 01:16:05.855 for having a natural ability in medicine. 1357 01:16:05.929 --> 01:16:08.557 Chick magnet. Chick magnet 1358 01:16:08.632 --> 01:16:11.658 Plus, how cool was that, saving that dude's life last night? 1359 01:16:11.735 --> 01:16:15.637 It was somewhere between that, getting yelled at by my dad, 1360 01:16:15.706 --> 01:16:16.695 and seeing Neil Patrick Harris 1361 01:16:16.773 --> 01:16:18.240 that I realized that I've always wanted to be a doctor 1362 01:16:18.308 --> 01:16:20.333 but I've just been too scared to admit it to myself. 1363 01:16:20.410 --> 01:16:22.708 - Billy, you paying for this? - Yeah, I'll be there... 1364 01:16:22.779 --> 01:16:24.337 Good, 'cause if he wasn't, you would. 1365 01:16:24.414 --> 01:16:27.247 Are you listening to me, Roldy? I'm having a major epiphany here. 1366 01:16:27.317 --> 01:16:28.978 I'll be right back. 1367 01:16:29.052 --> 01:16:30.781 You're unlike any other woman I've ever met. 1368 01:16:30.854 --> 01:16:33.345 What the fuck is going on here? 1369 01:16:34.224 --> 01:16:37.193 Harold? What happened to you, man? 1370 01:16:37.261 --> 01:16:39.422 Never mind me. What the fuck are you doing here? 1371 01:16:39.496 --> 01:16:41.657 I thought you and J.D. Were busy all night with clients. 1372 01:16:41.732 --> 01:16:43.097 Isn't that why I had to do your work? 1373 01:16:43.167 --> 01:16:45.397 - Henry, what the hell's going on? - Back off, cock boy. 1374 01:16:45.469 --> 01:16:47.266 What I said to him goes double for you. 1375 01:16:47.337 --> 01:16:49.237 - Did you just call me cock boy? - Yeah, you know I did. 1376 01:16:49.306 --> 01:16:50.295 You're just stalling 1377 01:16:50.374 --> 01:16:52.308 because you're not quick enough to think of a comeback. 1378 01:16:52.376 --> 01:16:54.310 You think I'm not quick enough. Guy thinks I'm not quick enough. 1379 01:16:54.378 --> 01:16:57.142 Well, I've got news for you. I am quick enough... 1380 01:17:00.551 --> 01:17:01.916 ...cock boy! 1381 01:17:04.321 --> 01:17:05.879 Listen, Harold, I'm really sorry. 1382 01:17:05.956 --> 01:17:08.322 Don't bother with him. We'll take it up with Berenson tomorrow. 1383 01:17:08.392 --> 01:17:10.155 What are you gonna tell Berenson? 1384 01:17:10.227 --> 01:17:12.286 That I'm your workhorse? 1385 01:17:12.362 --> 01:17:15.092 That you guys think you can party all weekend, 1386 01:17:15.165 --> 01:17:17.224 leave the work to the quiet Asian guy in the office? 1387 01:17:17.301 --> 01:17:20.532 - No, you don't understand. - No, you don't understand. 1388 01:17:20.604 --> 01:17:23.937 I'm not doing your work for you anymore. 1389 01:17:24.007 --> 01:17:26.202 And if either one of you douche bags 1390 01:17:26.276 --> 01:17:28.301 ever tries to pull this shit again, 1391 01:17:28.378 --> 01:17:29.811 I'll go to Berenson myself. 1392 01:17:29.880 --> 01:17:31.848 I'll tell him what's really going on. 1393 01:17:31.915 --> 01:17:33.576 And I'll tell the whole office 1394 01:17:33.650 --> 01:17:37.108 how you both caught gonorrhea from that prostitute in Atlantic City. 1395 01:17:38.388 --> 01:17:41.050 If you'll excuse me, boys, I gotta get going. Kumar. 1396 01:17:42.593 --> 01:17:44.823 See you boys at the office on Monday. 1397 01:17:44.895 --> 01:17:46.226 Excuse me. 1398 01:17:53.103 --> 01:17:56.072 Dude, that was awesome! Where the hell did that come from? 1399 01:17:56.139 --> 01:17:57.128 I don't know. 1400 01:17:57.207 --> 01:18:00.233 Eating those delicious burgers made me feel like a new man. 1401 01:18:00.310 --> 01:18:01.334 You know what? 1402 01:18:01.411 --> 01:18:03.208 Now I'm actually looking forward to going to work this week. 1403 01:18:03.280 --> 01:18:06.738 No shit. You know, you might be worthwhile after all. 1404 01:18:06.817 --> 01:18:08.284 I'm not worthless. 1405 01:18:08.352 --> 01:18:11.719 Hey, so those dudes really have gonorrhea? 1406 01:18:11.788 --> 01:18:13.050 Beats me. 1407 01:18:15.058 --> 01:18:16.389 Hey. 1408 01:18:17.294 --> 01:18:19.353 - Let's get going. - What's the rush, dude? 1409 01:18:19.429 --> 01:18:21.090 I don't have my interview for a couple of hours. 1410 01:18:21.164 --> 01:18:23.428 I got some unfinished business to take care of. 1411 01:18:23.500 --> 01:18:25.297 I thought those guys were gonna do the work. 1412 01:18:25.369 --> 01:18:27.803 No, unfinished business. 1413 01:18:27.871 --> 01:18:30.066 - Maria. - Still not following you. 1414 01:18:30.140 --> 01:18:31.129 Get in! 1415 01:18:37.781 --> 01:18:39.214 So you don't even have a plan. 1416 01:18:39.283 --> 01:18:42.411 Dude, I got love on my side, man. 1417 01:18:42.486 --> 01:18:43.646 Trust me. 1418 01:18:43.720 --> 01:18:47.679 When I see Maria, I'm gonna know exactly what to say. 1419 01:18:52.729 --> 01:18:54.162 - Hey. - Hey. 1420 01:18:54.231 --> 01:18:57.098 It looks like you guys have had some night. 1421 01:19:01.071 --> 01:19:04.700 Shit. You know what? I left my lighter in your car. 1422 01:19:04.775 --> 01:19:06.640 Do me a favor and run down and get it for me, please? 1423 01:19:06.710 --> 01:19:08.371 I gotta urinate. 1424 01:19:28.932 --> 01:19:31.332 You sure got a lot of baggage. 1425 01:19:43.080 --> 01:19:44.513 Maria, wait. 1426 01:19:44.581 --> 01:19:46.708 I know this is gonna seem completely out of the blue, 1427 01:19:46.783 --> 01:19:49.843 and I know you don't know me very well... or, um, at all. 1428 01:19:49.920 --> 01:19:51.785 But let me tell you the best part of my day is. 1429 01:19:51.855 --> 01:19:54.346 I come home from work and I walk through this lobby, 1430 01:19:54.424 --> 01:19:56.483 and on days that I'm lucky enough, 1431 01:19:56.560 --> 01:19:59.825 I spend ten seconds in this elevator with you. 1432 01:19:59.896 --> 01:20:01.989 I had the craziest night of my life tonight, 1433 01:20:02.065 --> 01:20:05.228 and I guess I learned that if you want something or someone, 1434 01:20:05.302 --> 01:20:06.530 you have to go for it. 1435 01:20:08.705 --> 01:20:11.105 And if Liane can marry a guy like Freakshow 1436 01:20:11.174 --> 01:20:13.904 and I can hang-glide and I can ride a cheetah, 1437 01:20:13.977 --> 01:20:15.535 then I guess... 1438 01:20:16.546 --> 01:20:17.535 Oh, fuck it. 1439 01:20:17.614 --> 01:20:21.607 Girl, I'm spendin' my dimes 1440 01:20:21.685 --> 01:20:24.017 Give me a minute. This is crazy. 1441 01:20:24.087 --> 01:20:26.146 - That was... l'm sorry. - I don't even know you. 1442 01:20:26.223 --> 01:20:28.714 I had White Castle, so I'm a little dizzy. 1443 01:20:28.792 --> 01:20:31.420 - We don't ever speak. - We don't talk, so that was inappropriate. 1444 01:20:31.495 --> 01:20:32.757 Oh, fuck it. 1445 01:20:32.829 --> 01:20:35.627 I wanna get next to you 1446 01:20:39.069 --> 01:20:43.403 I wanna get next to you 1447 01:20:46.410 --> 01:20:47.399 Okay. 1448 01:20:49.146 --> 01:20:51.114 Now you just have to work on your timing. 1449 01:20:51.181 --> 01:20:53.115 - Where are you going? - Amsterdam. 1450 01:20:53.183 --> 01:20:56.346 I'll be back in ten days. But I'll see you when I get back? 1451 01:20:56.420 --> 01:20:58.615 Yeah, let's do that. 1452 01:21:05.262 --> 01:21:06.752 Bye, Harold. 1453 01:21:09.299 --> 01:21:11.164 Bye. Bye. I'll see you later. 1454 01:21:12.502 --> 01:21:14.436 - She touch your penis? - What? 1455 01:21:14.504 --> 01:21:16.131 What happened? 1456 01:21:16.206 --> 01:21:20.643 Nothing much, really. Just a little kiss action. 1457 01:21:20.710 --> 01:21:22.337 Nice. Nice! 1458 01:21:22.412 --> 01:21:24.972 Yeah. She's going to Amsterdam. She'll be back in ten days. 1459 01:21:25.048 --> 01:21:26.879 We gotta go. 1460 01:21:26.950 --> 01:21:28.508 - Where? - Amsterdam, man. 1461 01:21:28.585 --> 01:21:29.984 - We gotta get our bags packed... - Amsterdam? 1462 01:21:30.053 --> 01:21:32.078 ...and frickin' take the next flight out. 1463 01:21:32.155 --> 01:21:34.248 Are you freaking out of your mind? What about your interview? 1464 01:21:34.324 --> 01:21:36.315 Dude, whatever. I'll tell my dad to reschedule it. 1465 01:21:36.393 --> 01:21:39.226 He won't have a problem as long as I take it seriously for a change. 1466 01:21:39.296 --> 01:21:42.163 We gotta freakin' go to Europe and find Maria. 1467 01:21:42.232 --> 01:21:44.291 Dude, she's coming back in ten days. 1468 01:21:44.367 --> 01:21:46.028 It's not like I'm never gonna see her again. 1469 01:21:46.102 --> 01:21:47.330 Listen, for a hot chick, 1470 01:21:47.404 --> 01:21:49.372 ten days in Europe can be the kiss of death, okay? 1471 01:21:49.439 --> 01:21:52.533 She's gonna have all these suave, sophisticated guys all over her. 1472 01:21:52.609 --> 01:21:54.577 When she gets back, she may not be available. 1473 01:21:54.644 --> 01:21:57.112 Forget it. I'll see her when she comes back. 1474 01:21:57.180 --> 01:21:58.374 Hey, Roldy. 1475 01:21:59.916 --> 01:22:02.976 You do realize what's legal in Amsterdam, don't you? 1476 01:22:05.555 --> 01:22:06.749 Oh, yeah. 1477 01:22:13.897 --> 01:22:16.661 In today's headlines, Rutgers professor Tarik Jackson 1478 01:22:16.733 --> 01:22:19.566 and attorney Nathaniel Banks are suing the state of New Jersey 1479 01:22:19.636 --> 01:22:22.161 for racial discrimination and police brutality. 1480 01:22:22.239 --> 01:22:24.673 My family and I are outraged 1481 01:22:24.741 --> 01:22:27.175 and will settle for nothing less than justice. 1482 01:22:27.244 --> 01:22:31.180 I still trust and love all white people, all of them. 1483 01:22:31.982 --> 01:22:34.007 And Asians. And Asians. 1484 01:22:34.084 --> 01:22:35.813 And a few Mexicans as well. 1485 01:22:35.886 --> 01:22:38.354 Several of the officers suspected of brutality 1486 01:22:38.421 --> 01:22:40.719 were taken into custody earlier this morning. 1487 01:22:40.790 --> 01:22:42.883 Run away, you mother... 1488 01:22:42.959 --> 01:22:46.793 No black mother... gonna get away with this, so... all y'all. 1489 01:22:46.863 --> 01:22:48.455 You can suck my... 1490 01:22:48.532 --> 01:22:50.124 Police in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, 1491 01:22:50.200 --> 01:22:52.191 have just arrested a gang of hooligans 1492 01:22:52.269 --> 01:22:55.136 who are suspected of terrorizing numerous strip malls 1493 01:22:55.205 --> 01:22:56.365 and convenience stores. 1494 01:22:56.439 --> 01:22:58.805 Officer Thurmond Brucks found their abandoned car, 1495 01:22:58.875 --> 01:23:01.708 which contained a large bag of marijuana. 1496 01:23:01.778 --> 01:23:04.076 And in other news, the Muckleburg Police Department 1497 01:23:04.147 --> 01:23:05.944 are still looking for a fugitive 1498 01:23:06.016 --> 01:23:07.916 who escaped from the police station last night 1499 01:23:07.984 --> 01:23:10.680 with a companion believed to be his accomplice. 1500 01:23:10.754 --> 01:23:12.949 Police have released sketches of the two fugitives 1501 01:23:13.023 --> 01:23:16.117 which they believe to be extremely accurate. 1502 01:23:19.996 --> 01:23:21.190 Nice!