1
00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:43,923
It's 2:18 in the morning
in the middle of February.

2
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:47,809
I've been sitting on a park bench
for almost four hours.

3
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:50,483
I'm fucking freezing.

4
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,483
Why am I sitting here?

5
00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:58,166
Why am I still sitting on this bench?

6
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,401
You know, it's probably best if I rewind.

7
00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:04,006
If I back up and explain.

8
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:07,486
Every relationship arrives
at a critical moment,

9
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:09,446
a juncture,

10
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:12,524
between moving forward and moving on.

11
00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:16,000
I call that moment the "so."

12
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:17,321
So...

13
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:20,042
Where is this going, then?

14
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:23,602
I think you're a... Like...
I think you're amazing.

15
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:25,284
I think you're an amazing girl. I...

16
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:30,806
- I think you're an amazing person.
- No.

17
00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,450
I'm breaking up with you.

18
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,321
- I have to.
- You're breaking up?

19
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:37,489
I'm sorry, Jason,
I need somebody who's ready.

20
00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:41,042
I need somebody who doesn't drink coffee
out of a cereal bowl.

21
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,845
- What?
- And has a bed frame.

22
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,204
I wasn't confused because
she was breaking up with me.

23
00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:48,691
I'm so late for work.

24
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:53,081
I was confused because
I had no idea we were dating.

25
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,806
I'm not even close to the guy you need.

26
00:01:57,880 --> 00:01:59,644
The guy you deserve.

27
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,406
Like... I'm...

28
00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,042
And I'm so sorry that I can't be that guy.

29
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:07,966
In her defense, we'd been having sex, like,
once a week for six weeks.

30
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,729
I'm so late for work.

31
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,886
But in my defense, that's a hookup
approaching the seeing stage.

32
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,610
I'm sorry, Jason.

33
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:18,690
No. I understand.

34
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,641
I understand.

35
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:23,087
And what I understood was, at that moment,

36
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,766
we were definitely not dating.

37
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:48,047
- Dude, did you get my message?
- Man, I left, like, 10 minutes ago...

38
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,461
Come on, man. You're late.
Look, what have you been doing?

39
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:53,006
What have I been doing?
Christy just broke up with me.

40
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,606
Oh, man. Who's Christy?

41
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:58,764
Vera, you home?

42
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,762
I didn't know we had company.

43
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:05,727
You're home early.

44
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,450
Yeah, I skipped the gym.

45
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,289
This is my lawyer.

46
00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:11,600
Oh, your lawyer.

47
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,643
Actually, he's a very good lawyer.

48
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,411
Is everything okay?

49
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:19,807
So your wife said that
she was having intense sex?

50
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:20,961
Yes, intense.

51
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,087
I can't believe she said, "intense."

52
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,685
That's what she said.
With a guy named Harold.

53
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,604
And while she said this,
her lawyer was just sitting there?

54
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:27,966
He looked like Morris Chestnut.

55
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:30,651
Who the fuck is Morris Chestnut?

56
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:31,721
From <i>Boyz n the Hood.</i>

57
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:32,881
- Ricky?
- Yeah.

58
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,610
Dude, I love Ricky.

59
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,650
Not anymore.

60
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:37,846
Who the fuck looks like Morris Chestnut?

61
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,410
- Yeah. That's not a strong look.
- Her lawyer.

62
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,482
Her lawyer looks like Morris Chestnut.

63
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,164
Okay, and he was just sitting there
on the couch?

64
00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:45,402
Yeah, why was he just sitting there
on the couch?

65
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,402
'Cause she wants a divorce.

66
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,487
- That's...
- Fuck, man.

67
00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,164
- Are you kidding me?
- I'm sorry.

68
00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,527
And here's the kicker,
her lawyer, the guy sitting there,

69
00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:01,082
the guy that looks like Morris Chestnut,
is the guy she's having sex with.

70
00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:02,446
- Harold?
- Harold!

71
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:04,329
Fuck Harold.

72
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:05,967
Oh, man.

73
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:07,883
Did... Did he say anything?

74
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,406
He said he liked my shoes.

75
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,205
- What?
- He said what?

76
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,602
He said he liked my shoes.

77
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:20,286
Well...

78
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,567
He's not wrong. They're cool shoes.

79
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,042
What the fuck, man? I don't deserve this.

80
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:29,447
I don't know what we're going to do, man.

81
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,931
We need to get him a hooker.

82
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,041
We can't afford a hooker.

83
00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:33,690
Yeah, we can use a coupon.
Get him a cheap hooker. It's Mikey.

84
00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,410
- No, we're not.
- Look. "East Village girls for hire."

85
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:36,447
- No.
- Right there.

86
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:37,567
- No.
- Yeah.

87
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:38,607
According to this article,

88
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:40,648
most of the bars on the East Side
are filled with hookers.

89
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:41,767
You know what I love about you

90
00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:44,525
is that you literally believe
every single thing that you read.

91
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,762
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.

92
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:47,921
It's like you're nine years old.

93
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,764
No, no. They're like young, cool hookers.

94
00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:51,080
They dress like hipsters and shit.

95
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:54,050
And I'm telling you that
I highly doubt that that is the case.

96
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,121
Then why would it be in a magazine?

97
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:56,281
I don't know.

98
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:57,765
Read it.

99
00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,881
"She dresses like
any other pretty young thing,

100
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,327
"knee-high boots strewn about the floor,

101
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,607
"and a drawer filled
to the hilt with condoms

102
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,881
"seemed the only indication
of her sideline occupation."

103
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:08,967
How awesome is that?

104
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,122
Hey guys. It's Fred.

105
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,201
Hey, Fred.

106
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,322
You know it's not a phone. Right?

107
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,806
You're actually here, Fred. We can see you.

108
00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:19,921
Totally.

109
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:26,247
So you're due to present
on the Silverman book.

110
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,245
So...

111
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,686
You guys are prepared? Right?

112
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,410
We'll be in there.

113
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:38,966
That's a blank board.

114
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:42,085
That's a gold mine.

115
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:45,525
I mean, we gave you stacks of examples.

116
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,921
You mean these. Right?

117
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:51,368
What you're seeing there is exactly
what you're gonna see everywhere else.

118
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:52,521
And we can deliver that.

119
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,843
But when we're talking about
<i>The Unexpectable Princess...</i>

120
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,207
- Which is a great title.
- It's a wonderful, wonderful title.

121
00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:02,490
But still, it's drowning
in a sea of boring pastel.

122
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:03,607
That's not what you want.

123
00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:05,284
And that's not what you need.

124
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:06,407
I think I know what you need.

125
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:07,527
I think he does.

126
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,523
A book's cover should hint at the story.

127
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,125
But not give away too much.

128
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:12,611
This is about wish fulfillment.

129
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:18,323
Black and white. Cool and spare.

130
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:22,089
Now, a recent study using MRIs

131
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,606
showed that women's brains
lit up like fireworks

132
00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:26,170
when they were showed pictures of...

133
00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:27,281
A penis.

134
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,521
What?

135
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,081
- No. No.
- No.

136
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,241
- No.
- No.

137
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,090
No.

138
00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:38,401
Women's brains lit up like fireworks

139
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,086
when they were showed pictures of

140
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,404
- shoes.
- Shoes.

141
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:47,090
Shoes.

142
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:51,927
And nothing says wish fulfillment
like Christian Louboutin.

143
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:55,643
Ask any girl in the room.

144
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:00,321
I love it.

145
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,890
Dude, are you taking a shit in there?

146
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:04,927
Absolutely not.

147
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,889
Every time you come over,
you take a shit in there.

148
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,440
I'm not taking a shit.
I'm using self-tanner.

149
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:10,487
Self-tanner?

150
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:13,848
Yeah. I told that assistant at Vogue
I couldn't hang out 'cause I was in Toulon.

151
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,161
Trying to phase her out of my roster.

152
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:18,163
Also, I am taking a shit.

153
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,891
Every time.

154
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,486
You did the retrieve? Huh?

155
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,403
I just grabbed whatever I could.

156
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,089
- Yo, Mikey!
- Were you taking a shit in there?

157
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,083
- Yep.
- Jesus! Every time.

158
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,804
- We're going the fuck out.
- Is that ice cream?

159
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:36,291
You bought ice cream, Mike?
Come on.

160
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:37,566
Yeah. It's peanut butter chocolate.

161
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:38,971
That's a great flavor. Let me see it.

162
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,724
- Hey. We're going out. No ice cream.
- No. No.

163
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,802
You see, whiskey doesn't mix well
with ice cream.

164
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,405
- I need it.
- You need it?

165
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,483
- Yes.
- You need it? What're you, a fat teenage girl?

166
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:47,641
- What're you, Bridget Jones?
- Really?

167
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,290
- Name calling? Is that what we're doing?
- Yeah.

168
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:50,520
- Give me the ice cream.
- No.

169
00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:52,324
- Give me the ice cream.
- I know that look. Get away from me.

170
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:53,401
- Give me the ice cream.
- Back up, little man.

171
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,289
- Give me the ice cream.
- Get off, man.

172
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,362
Nobody gets ice cream!

173
00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:58,441
That was awesome.

174
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,600
- Did you throw it out the window?
- We're going out.

175
00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:04,050
I mean, I bet you thought
you were never going feel this again, man.

176
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,646
The excitement. The energy.
You don't get this in relationships.

177
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,610
I've been out of the game so long
I forgot how much I miss this.

178
00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,648
You were never in the game.
You were a married doctor.

179
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:13,250
- Whatever.
- Hey, do you guys want a mint?

180
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,482
- Yeah.
- Here we go. That's for you.

181
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:16,607
That's for you.

182
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:17,720
That's a weird mint, dude.

183
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,444
Yeah, I know. It's Viagra.

184
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,881
You've got four hours to drink
like Keith Richards and still get hard.

185
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,770
Every good action movie
has a ticking clock. Right?

186
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:26,926
Fucking idiots.

187
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,601
Idiots.

188
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:32,726
I know!

189
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,089
I'm fucking drunk right now.

190
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,201
Yeah, that's right.

191
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,685
I can't wait to get drunk.

192
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,444
I can't do this. I can't do this.

193
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,045
Hey, come here. Yes, you can.

194
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:48,283
Yes, you can. You just need to be like,
"Hey! I'm a good-looking doctor."

195
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:49,691
No, it would work for me, Mikey.

196
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,046
- Would it?
- Yeah, it would.

197
00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:52,804
That would totally work for me.

198
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:55,530
Hey! Chels!

199
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:59,650
Oh, my God! I love your shoes!
I've been looking for those.

200
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:00,881
Thank you!

201
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,883
Wow! You are beautiful.

202
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,566
This is my friend, Daniel. He's amazing.

203
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,449
But he's a virgin.

204
00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:09,931
There's always a catch.

205
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,243
I'm just trying to get laid
before I graduate high school.

206
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,890
Hi, I'm Sophie.

207
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:16,485
I know you are.

208
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,560
- Whiskey...
- Yeah.

209
00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,600
- I love you.
- We're doing it... I love you, too.

210
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,642
I've never met that guy before.

211
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,601
What's up, buddy? How's it going?

212
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:45,681
Well,

213
00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,240
I'm drinking alone in a bar
full of assholes.

214
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:50,766
And all these girls,
they seem to like the assholes more.

215
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,764
Dude, do you remember
when for, like, two years in college,

216
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,923
every single girl that I liked liked you?

217
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,002
- Rebecca Daniels...
- Yeah. Rebecca Daniels.

218
00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:00,809
- She was hot.
- She was.

219
00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:02,325
She was all right.

220
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,528
Where's the Mikey that got her?

221
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:09,048
Because that guy was fucking awesome.

222
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,289
That girl's staring at you
at the end of the bar.

223
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,086
- Should I look?
- No, not yet.

224
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:19,607
- Now.
- No.

225
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,324
Yeah, go ahead and look.

226
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:32,851
Night away?

227
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:36,763
Yeah. She was fucking Harold.

228
00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:38,804
There's always a Harold.

229
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,325
There's always a Harold.

230
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,491
When I was a kid, I used to open
all the windows in my bedroom

231
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:49,167
when it was freezing,
and just lay on top of the covers.

232
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,647
Why?

233
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,564
I wanted to understand
what it felt like to be homeless.

234
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:56,562
Do you understand that feeling?

235
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,922
Just needing to know?

236
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,361
Wow.

237
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,010
I know.

238
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,162
He fucking looked like Morris Chestnut.

239
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:07,651
Who looks like Morris Chestnut?

240
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,802
It is not a good look.
Nobody should look like Morris Chestnut.

241
00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:12,121
Okay, who is Morris Chestnut?

242
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,202
Apparently, he's a great lawyer.

243
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,444
Well, I wrote my number on this.

244
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,488
Use it when you're ready.

245
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:24,641
Look, is this the part where we go home?

246
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:26,091
'Cause I'm not really in the mood.

247
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:28,288
You're sitting on my coat.

248
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,320
I am.

249
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,201
I'm sorry about that.

250
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,362
It's okay. Thanks.

251
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,283
- Good night.
- Good night.

252
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:44,321
Hey.

253
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:45,845
I'm gonna get a drink. You want a drink?

254
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:46,887
- No. I'm good.
- Let me get you a drink.

255
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:48,200
- What, a vodka soda?
- No, no, no.

256
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:49,611
- My man.
- No.

257
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:52,081
- Come on. It's just a drink.
- Oh, no. I'm good. Thank you.

258
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:53,525
I need a drink, too.
I'll get you a drink.

259
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:57,400
Honestly, what if I enjoy the drink?
What happens then?

260
00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,801
I'd love to hear
what you think happens then.

261
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,445
I'll tell you what happens.

262
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,921
We go play beer pong
with your two roommates

263
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,287
until I end up back at yours
in Murray Hill?

264
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,850
Yeah, that's right.
How did you know that?

265
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,605
And then we'll have to listen to your
roommate have sex with Hilary

266
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:14,729
or Emily or whatever the girl's name is
until we fall asleep.

267
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,087
And then a year later,
we're still playing beer pong

268
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:18,650
in the same bars with your friends.

269
00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:21,405
Except now you feel pressure to get married
and have kids

270
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,562
'cause you think that's what I want.

271
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:26,047
Then in the summers, drive up
to the Hamptons to meet his parents,

272
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,487
wondering the whole ride if they're going
to think you're pretty enough.

273
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:29,647
- Smart.
- Wondering the whole ride,

274
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:30,881
if they're going to think
you're smart enough.

275
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:33,247
Because no one is. And then
we have to drink shitty chardonnay.

276
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:34,446
At a shitty garden party.

277
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,681
- And have shitty conversations.
- About shitty people.

278
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:38,051
With his shitty mother.

279
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:39,724
Who, let's face it,
doesn't think you're smart enough.

280
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:40,767
Pretty.

281
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,047
Who, let's face it,
doesn't think you're pretty enough.

282
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:44,884
Because no one is.

283
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,849
No one ever will be.

284
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,768
What was all that shit?
Look, I'm just talking about a drink.

285
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:53,765
Yeah, but it wasn't just a drink, though,
was it?

286
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,524
It was a marriage proposal.

287
00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,161
Marriage. No, I was...

288
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:00,364
Just a vodka soda.

289
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,086
Fuck you guys. I'm...

290
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:05,766
- Drink?
- Yeah.

291
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,201
You're amazing.

292
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,084
Let's get out of here.

293
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:27,970
You like that?

294
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,608
You're sitting on my coat.

295
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,562
I have to use your bathroom.

296
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:06,921
Fuck. Pick up.

297
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,411
Pick up. Pick up your phone!

298
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,720
Dude, I have a serious problem.

299
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,406
You got a problem. I got a problem.
I gotta take a leak right now.

300
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:14,721
And my boner looks like that thing
on <i>The Price Is Right.</i>

301
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:15,761
Bob Barker?

302
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:16,841
Yeah, my dick looks like Bob Barker.

303
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,088
No, you asshole,
that thing that stops the wheel.

304
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,049
- What?
- I think I took too much Viagra.

305
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,201
I just really got to take a leak.

306
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,090
You have to just get horizontal.

307
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:26,924
Get horizontal? What the...

308
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,206
You need to be horizontal.

309
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,203
- Me or the boner?
- Both.

310
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:31,884
I can't.
My boner is perpendicular to my body.

311
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,007
Just try it, man.

312
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,560
This is the stupidest idea I've
ever heard of. What the...

313
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:36,846
This isn't...

314
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,366
Wait, bro, it's actually working.

315
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:40,891
Of course it is, but, dude,
listen to me.

316
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,850
I think the girl that
I just had sex with is a hooker.

317
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:45,001
What? That's awesome.

318
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:47,606
No! It's not awesome, man.
What if she makes me pay?

319
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:48,806
I don't have hooker money.

320
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,370
- You definitely don't have hooker money.
- Dude.

321
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:51,965
I don't know what to do, man.
You gotta help me.

322
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:53,690
Okay, well, you know what?
If she asks for cash,

323
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:57,048
you could pretend that you're a hooker, too,
and maybe the rates would balance out.

324
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,088
You are so fucking useless.
Do you know that?

325
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:00,440
Is your dick touching the water?

326
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:01,801
Fuck you.

327
00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:16,331
Which one of you divas uses self-tanner?

328
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,684
I do. Why?

329
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,665
Because I beat off with it last night.

330
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,762
Why... Why didn't you even read the bottle?

331
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:25,887
I was a little drunk.

332
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,371
- What?
- What?

333
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:28,965
My shit is orange.

334
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:31,528
- Look at this!
- Oh, my God.

335
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:32,601
Oh, no.

336
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:34,364
Who knew that could even happen to you?

337
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:38,162
I didn't know you could change colors.

338
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,004
- Stop.
- Your dick looks like a yam.

339
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:41,809
- Your dick looks like a traffic cone.
- Just stop.

340
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,247
Your dick looks like
a can of cheddar Pringles.

341
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:45,287
That's fucked up.

342
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,010
You dick looks like Spike Lee
at a Knicks game.

343
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:50,323
If your dick was jumping over the river,
it would be the General Lee.

344
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:54,040
All right! All right!
What happened to you two idiots last night?

345
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,531
I freaked out and left.
I didn't know what to do.

346
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,369
It's her bread and butter.
It's how she keeps the lights on.

347
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:58,441
You basically robbed a hooker.

348
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,130
I didn't rob her.

349
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,281
Yes, you did.
You robbed this hooker, man.

350
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,124
- You're like the opposite of Robin Hood.
- I didn't rob her.

351
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:06,044
And that's the thing. I mean,
everything else about her was perfect.

352
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,804
I mean, she was smart. She was funny.

353
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,928
She was the kind of girl I would date.

354
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,810
If she didn't, you know,
happen to fuck random guys for money.

355
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,644
- Yeah.
- That's really the only thing

356
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,165
that's getting in the way
of that relationship.

357
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:17,366
Fuck you guys.

358
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,283
Did you friend that girl yet, Mikey?
The glasses girl?

359
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,120
No. I mean,
can you even do that that fast?

360
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,009
Dude! You've gotta make her laugh.
Get a rapport going.

361
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,081
- Yeah, man.
- Give me your phone real quick.

362
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,162
Give him your phone.
We live in an extremely efficient world.

363
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,004
Somebody else could be
sealing the deal right now.

364
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:31,482
Listen, last night was amazing.
Okay? I had a great time.

365
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:33,085
- You guys were awesome.
- Thank you.

366
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,926
All right? But I'm gonna call Vera.
We've got things that we need to work on.

367
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,320
- No. That's a bad move.
- Come on.

368
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:39,481
- You don't wanna do that.
- Horrible move.

369
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:40,965
- We had so much fun last night.
- Yeah.

370
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:42,007
Wow.

371
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,320
What?

372
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:44,447
She...

373
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,006
She changed it.

374
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:48,206
- What?
- What?

375
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:49,486
What are you talking about?

376
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:53,725
Vera.

377
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,041
It used to say,
"married," and now it says...

378
00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,485
It says nothing.

379
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:06,449
All right, I married a smart girl.
I married the right girl. Right?

380
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,568
I went to med school right after college.

381
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,688
I did what I was supposed to do.

382
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,724
I checked the boxes.

383
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,449
But maybe what you did didn't check hers.

384
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:21,010
We had the same boxes.

385
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:22,525
Did you have the same boxes?

386
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,045
Maybe you need
a little more experience with boxes.

387
00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:26,168
Yeah, maybe we should lead you
down the path to better boxes.

388
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:27,651
Look, guys. I don't need that. All right?

389
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,722
I need to call Vera
and I need to work this shit out.

390
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,211
That's what I'm going to do.
I need to call her, okay?

391
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,084
I need to call Vera.
I need to work this shit out.

392
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,640
- It kills me to see you like this.
- Yeah.

393
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:37,601
Hey.

394
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:39,682
It's an opportunity to have some fun.

395
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,889
Man, this is about all of us, man.
This is about all of us being together.

396
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:44,485
When are we all gonna be unattached?

397
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,403
In our 30s we're gonna settle down
with kids.

398
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,881
We're gonna live a boring life.
It's about us right now.

399
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,001
I don't know.

400
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:53,003
- We're staying single with you, man.
- I just don't know.

401
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,162
We're staying single with you.

402
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,524
We're gonna keep last night alive
as long as humanly possible.

403
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,045
Nobody gets in a relationship.

404
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,482
Nobody changes their status.

405
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:04,651
Right?

406
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,322
I'm in.

407
00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:15,091
- Come on!
- Come on!

408
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,365
Michael? Are you in?

409
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,240
Fuck it. I'm in.

410
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,529
- So, we going for this?
- Yeah.

411
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,082
I mean,
it's a pretty bleak ending to a book,

412
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,481
so shouldn't we leave people
with some hope?

413
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,767
From where in the Midwest
did this one wash up?

414
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:42,683
Fresh off her master's from Chicago.

415
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,842
Master's in what? Sentimentality?

416
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:46,729
I don't think so.

417
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,680
I just think you have to
believe in possibility.

418
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,569
Sweetie. Welcome to New York.

419
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,405
You're young and you're pretty
and the world is yours.

420
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,968
But you're nobody's first wife yet.

421
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:01,724
Well, we're all pretty...

422
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,406
- Look who's here.
- Hi.

423
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,721
- Glad you could make it.
- Yeah.

424
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,690
I gotta tell you
I'm really excited about this cover, guys.

425
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,000
Hey.

426
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:11,605
- Here you go.
- Okay.

427
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,326
Hey.

428
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,084
Holy shit.

429
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,771
Everyone. How's it going?

430
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,366
Good, good.

431
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:33,922
So, do you want to tell us a little bit
about your approach with this cover?

432
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,805
Yeah. I'd love a little explanation.

433
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:50,691
It...

434
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,683
It is what it is.

435
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:54,125
"It is what it is"?

436
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,248
That's what you say
when you get a parking ticket.

437
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,446
I know.

438
00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:00,205
It looks to me like the guy here
wants to escape.

439
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:02,885
Does he?

440
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:06,442
And we want him to stay.
That's the fantasy of men in the city.

441
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,887
It seems like she'll bring him home
in the bag,

442
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,850
totally trusting him
and then after they sleep together,

443
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,809
he'll prove to be too much of an asshole

444
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,406
to actually stick around
for a couple of hours.

445
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:22,123
So tell me, Jason.
Why wouldn't the guy stay?

446
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,444
I thought you were a hooker.

447
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,962
- What?
- A hooker.

448
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,242
- Why?
- There were hooker signs.

449
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:33,367
What's a hooker sign?

450
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,044
- You had on hooker boots.
- Lots of people have them.

451
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:36,087
There were tons of condoms.

452
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:37,207
Did you ever think they might be there

453
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:38,361
because I'm not having a ton of sex?

454
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:39,965
No! I thought they were a hooker sign!

455
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:41,087
What's a hooker sign?

456
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:42,605
What about <i>The Story of O?</i>

457
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,245
That was research for a book.

458
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:45,765
There were envelopes full of cash.

459
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:49,481
I pay my landlord in cash
so that he can commit tax fraud.

460
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,841
How long have you lived in New York?

461
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,251
Man, not long enough.

462
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:55,765
Yeah.

463
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,808
Wait. Can I make it up to you?

464
00:20:58,240 --> 00:20:59,730
Let me make it up to you.

465
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,002
You wanna make it up to me?

466
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:05,327
Can I?

467
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:10,560
I don't know.

468
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:15,851
You can have my number.

469
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,525
And...

470
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,362
Maybe you can.

471
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,605
Yeah, dude. Everybody knows
you can't call a girl a hooker.

472
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:44,270
Even hookers hate being called hookers.

473
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:45,691
I'm gonna bring Ellie around.

474
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:47,842
No, you're not! No, you're not.

475
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,001
I'm gonna get her on the roster.

476
00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:50,201
Wait. A roster?

477
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:51,281
Yeah. A roster.

478
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:52,521
It's a group of girls
that you're hooking up with

479
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:53,840
that keeps you from sending
the wrong message.

480
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:55,649
- Which is what?
- That you wanna date one of them.

481
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:57,245
You gotta start building a roster.

482
00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:58,651
Yeah. It'll help ease
the transition a little.

483
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,840
- No, no. I do not need a roster. Okay?
- Yes, you do.

484
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:01,881
I can't keep one girl.

485
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:03,166
What makes you think
I can handle a bunch of them?

486
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:04,969
You just keep a bunch of them
for a short period of time

487
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:06,530
and then you send them out
into the world to flourish.

488
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:07,806
- Like college kids.
- Yes.

489
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,120
Or like capitalism.

490
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,486
And then you replenish the team.

491
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:13,040
Think of a roster
like a spiritual and physical...

492
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:14,201
Mostly physical.

493
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:15,850
...rejuvenation of the male soul.

494
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,600
Which you guys clearly don't fucking have.

495
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:18,801
Think of it like a spa.

496
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,211
A spa for your cock.

497
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,009
- A cock spa.
- Yep.

498
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:25,129
You just got to use whatever skills
that you have available to you.

499
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:26,929
Girls love personalization.

500
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,001
You guys are idiots.

501
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:29,081
You're an idiot.

502
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:34,526
Vera!

503
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:37,688
Look, I'm... I'm sorry to barge in on you.

504
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,125
What are you doing here?

505
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:41,800
Okay, look.

506
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:46,169
I know that this is
an awkward thing to do, but...

507
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,887
I have been having some pain.

508
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:56,808
And I just...

509
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:00,604
I don't know.

510
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:02,890
You came because you needed my help.

511
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,564
I came to apologize. I did.

512
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,504
- You came because you needed my help.
- Mikey.

513
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,723
I just... I've been thinking about you.

514
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,966
It really was just
a simple misunderstanding.

515
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:07,280
Yeah, it was like,
"What kind of girl would I be

516
00:24:07,360 --> 00:24:09,124
"if I didn't eventually find it funny?"

517
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,727
You'd be probably every other girl
in the world. I think.

518
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:15,846
I'm really sorry.

519
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:18,648
But I'm not every other girl in the world.

520
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:19,801
No.

521
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:21,161
I guess you're not.

522
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,846
And then I kind of developed
my own style, I guess.

523
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:25,490
And now you...

524
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:27,164
Design book covers.

525
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:28,685
Amongst other things.

526
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:30,967
Well, I guess you get people
to believe in something enough

527
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:32,326
to want to buy it.

528
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,641
I get people to believe in the surface.

529
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,610
To do the one thing
your parents told you not to do.

530
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,603
To judge a book by its cover.

531
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:40,846
Exactly.

532
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:44,006
- We weren't supposed to do that.
- You weren't supposed to do that.

533
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:46,082
See? I was encouraged.

534
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,640
Another example of
just plain awful parenting.

535
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,446
But, like, the job that you have right now,

536
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,809
like, is it something that
you actually want to be doing?

537
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:57,844
You know what? It can be fun.

538
00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:59,604
But do I love it?

539
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:00,886
- You don't.
- No.

540
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:02,644
Don't you want to love something?

541
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,602
What? Do you love what you do?

542
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,762
I started this new lecture series.

543
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,286
And authors can come along
and they can talk about their work.

544
00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:12,486
- That's awesome.
- Yes. So great.

545
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:14,005
- And people come?
- No.

546
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:15,605
- No?
- No.

547
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:17,321
But I...

548
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,926
It's okay.
I mean, I figure that if I keep doing It,

549
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:21,764
it could be a really, really amazing thing.

550
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,962
You should come along to one of them
if you're around.

551
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:29,041
I don't know.

552
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:31,441
I can't really tell if
it's important to you.

553
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,327
I'm sorry. That's a weird laugh.

554
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:47,801
This is my favorite place in the city.

555
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,005
Yeah. It's beautiful.

556
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:56,005
I know that I'm romanticizing the idea,

557
00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:58,651
but come on.

558
00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:03,285
That's kind of my dream.
To have the key to Gramercy Park.

559
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:08,926
New York's charm is
you're surrounded by things you can't have.

560
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:14,045
New York's charm is
it makes you think you can have them.

561
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:25,240
You know, I'd love to look inside
before we buy.

562
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:27,285
Me, too.

563
00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:30,443
In the meantime,
we can go back to my place.

564
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:32,727
It's very similar, actually.

565
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,849
Except for everything about it.

566
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:38,365
I gotta get home.

567
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:39,805
Okay. Yours, it is.

568
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:41,480
You're one hell of a negotiator.

569
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:45,127
This kind of stuff just
rolls off your tongue doesn't it?

570
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,407
I'm just trying to make you laugh.

571
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:01,246
I don't like how well it's working.

572
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:08,801
Fuck...

573
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:14,768
Wait, so you guys
still haven't gotten Mikey laid?

574
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:15,807
- No.
- What's wrong with you?

575
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:16,881
You're like the worst wingman ever.

576
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,803
Are you kidding me, Chelsea?
I'm an incredible wingman.

577
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:20,006
I know, but, like, nothing?

578
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:21,161
It's just harder than you think with him.

579
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:22,207
Like, what about a blowjob?

580
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:24,720
I'm good right now, but thank you.
Maybe in, like, 10 minutes?

581
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:25,967
Maybe after this beer?

582
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:27,081
Sorry, I'm just making a mental list

583
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,049
of all the things I'd like to do
before giving you a blowjob.

584
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:30,360
Wow. Really?

585
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:32,890
Kill myself is number one.

586
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,440
Are you serious? Jesus. What's number two?

587
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:37,204
Just, like, awaiting trial in Guantanamo.

588
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,850
- Yup.
- Yeah.

589
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,208
Come on, man. The blues?
Are you fucking serious?

590
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:46,001
What the fuck does Captain Attractive
have to be so sad about?

591
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:47,491
I don't know.

592
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:52,208
I think he's going
for brooding and dark, mysterious.

593
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:53,427
It's kind of working for me.

594
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:54,646
- That is working?
- Yes.

595
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,166
You cannot be that attractive
and have a skill. That's bullshit.

596
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,083
Well, I'm gonna play, so you're wrong.

597
00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:01,049
Then somebody's in trouble.

598
00:28:01,120 --> 00:28:03,168
Cheer up, asshole. You're the guy.

599
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:05,526
Buckle up.

600
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,443
Hey, excuse me?
I just wanted to tell you great job.

601
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:08,931
I almost cried right there.

602
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:10,650
It was really some powerful stuff.

603
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:12,609
Yeah. It was brooding, dark,
and mysterious, apparently.

604
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:14,521
- Yeah.
- Thanks. That's what I was going for.

605
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:15,886
Told you.

606
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:16,927
This is my friend, Chelsea.

607
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,571
She's not much to look at,
but wait till you hear her play the piano.

608
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:22,041
- Really good.
- I can't wait. I'm Diego.

609
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:23,881
I know you are.

610
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:26,611
I warn you, though.
She can be really aggressive sometimes.

611
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:27,727
Is that right?

612
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,928
But you can tame her with tequila
and compliments.

613
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:31,047
- Yeah.
- So...

614
00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:32,610
- Super aggressive.
- Yeah?

615
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:35,207
- Hey, are you home?
- No. I'm at the hospital. Where are you?

616
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:36,486
I'm headed back.

617
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:37,721
All right. So?

618
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:38,767
How was it?

619
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:40,888
It was amazing, man. She was amazing.

620
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:42,680
So is she coming back to the house or what?

621
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:44,731
Not exactly.

622
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,531
- Hey.
- After midnight? Really?

623
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:28,284
I couldn't sleep.

624
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:32,683
It's good to see you.

625
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,767
So what happened with you
and the piano man? Rodrigo?

626
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:10,365
- Diego?
- Diego.

627
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:11,487
I don't know.

628
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,369
I don't want to date a guy
that's prettier than me. You know?

629
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:15,090
Yeah. Me neither.

630
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:16,400
Plus, he works out.

631
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:17,720
I don't want a man that works out.

632
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,565
Yeah. I worked out once. 2004.

633
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:22,449
Got on the 15 dumbbells.

634
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,443
I was like, "Those are way too light,
let me go to the 30s."

635
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:25,487
- Nice.
- And if you feel it...

636
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:26,607
Don't. I don't wanna touch it.

637
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:27,846
And then I hit the hammies.

638
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,685
- Some quads. And if you feel that.
- You definitely got the lingo down.

639
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:31,807
- Do you see that?
- No.

640
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:33,291
- Well...
- Fat.

641
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,806
That's what happens when you work out

642
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:37,405
once.

643
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:40,411
What are you doing here anyway?

644
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:41,561
- What do you mean?
- I don't know.

645
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:44,086
Weren't you supposed to hang out
with that girl from Trinity?

646
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:49,445
Yeah. I had to tell her
I wasn't looking for anything too serious.

647
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:53,611
'Cause if it ever stopped being fun for you
guys, you'd want to just call it off?

648
00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:55,045
- That's... Yeah.
- I know.

649
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:56,121
You got it down.

650
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:57,201
- Brother. I know the spiel.
- Brother.

651
00:30:57,280 --> 00:30:58,520
Yeah.

652
00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:00,285
I don't know. I just thought you liked her.

653
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:01,441
I did like her.

654
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,091
She was cool, really smart,
funny, well-read.

655
00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:05,889
- Great family.
- Love it

656
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:07,883
And gave the best blowjob
in recorded history.

657
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:11,123
I feel like every blowjob you get,
you think is the best in recorded history...

658
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:14,966
Well, if you look at the common variable
across all encounters, you'll find that it's me.

659
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:18,283
So maybe I'm the best in recorded history
at receiving blowjobs.

660
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:19,600
- Bam.
- Bam.

661
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:21,205
- Think about that.
- Don't want to.

662
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:24,568
Cheers to me getting awesome blowjobs
and just being good at it.

663
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:25,801
You're such an idiot.

664
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:07,089
So? Jason, where is this going?

665
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:09,321
Fuck.

666
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:15,365
Look, I think you're an amazing girl.

667
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:19,490
And if I was in a different place, maybe,

668
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,723
but, I mean, you know that I'm not
really looking for anything serious.

669
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:26,088
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. As soon as
this stops being fun for one of us.

670
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:38,931
Hey, J-Go! How'd it go with that hooker?

671
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:41,485
Did you just call me a hooker?

672
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,289
No, I meant the other...

673
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:46,045
Yeah. I just said
the wrong thing just now.

674
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:47,526
You think?

675
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:49,369
Yes.

676
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:51,970
Hey, Mikey?

677
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:55,921
Mikey?

678
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:57,923
- Can you shut the door?
- Shit.

679
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,323
Okay. I'd like to apologize.

680
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:05,401
Don't worry about it.

681
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:06,607
Caffeine?

682
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:09,282
No, thanks. I gotta run.

683
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:11,931
But at least he offers.

684
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:13,001
I offer.

685
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:14,081
You've never offered.

686
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:16,003
For the record.
I'm sorry for anything I said.

687
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:18,481
Am saying. And might say in the future.

688
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:20,762
An apology. So sweet.

689
00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:22,842
I like him better than you. For the record.

690
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,922
For the record, he is better than me.

691
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:26,331
This is true.

692
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:27,646
Bye.

693
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:32,165
- So you went out with...
- Ellie.

694
00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:34,487
- Then you came home and had sex with...
- Alana.

695
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:35,721
Jesus!

696
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:37,609
- I did that for you.
- You did it for me?

697
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:39,364
- Yeah.
- You had sex with a beautiful woman for me?

698
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:40,441
Yeah. For you.

699
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:41,760
Thank you. Thank you.

700
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:44,286
If I need anything else,
I'll be sure to let you know.

701
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:45,681
I'm just building my roster, man.

702
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:47,165
- Roster?
- Yeah, my roster.

703
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:48,207
Ellie's on the way in.

704
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:49,611
Alana just gave me the "so."

705
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:50,841
The "so"?

706
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:51,887
Yeah, the "so.".

707
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:55,089
When it comes to girls,
nothing good ever follows the word "so."

708
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:56,924
"So," where is this going?

709
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:58,490
"So," what're we doing?

710
00:33:58,560 --> 00:33:59,721
And you just got the "so"?

711
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:01,245
Yeah, I just got the "so."

712
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:02,731
So that's when you get out.

713
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:04,962
- Always?
- Always.

714
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:15,090
You're a fucking idiot.

715
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:21,042
So Chelsea worked her magic again?

716
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,128
- Yeah, yeah. In a sense, yeah.
- Really?

717
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:24,929
So, is she, like, hot. She smart, cool?

718
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:26,644
Yeah. Yeah, all of the above.

719
00:34:26,720 --> 00:34:27,881
Wow, really?

720
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:29,286
Yeah. I'm not gonna date her.

721
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,249
She's not datable
if that's what you're getting at, okay?

722
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,049
So let's just calm down.

723
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:35,005
What about you?
Did you see what's-her-name?

724
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:36,127
- Ellie?
- Yeah.

725
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:38,009
Yeah. We, like, went to the park.
We hung out.

726
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:39,241
Went to the park, hung out?

727
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,766
You liked this girl when
you thought she was a hooker.

728
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:43,925
- Are you falling in love?
- No, man.

729
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,082
I think you are.
I can hear it in your voice.

730
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:47,764
I had sex with Alana.

731
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:49,330
- You had sex with both of them?
- No.

732
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:50,885
You fucking double gophered?

733
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:52,291
- I didn't.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.

734
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:54,243
You double gophered? I love that.

735
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:55,771
You had sex with both of them.
That's awesome.

736
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:58,207
No, I didn't. Ellie went home.
Alana came over.

737
00:34:58,280 --> 00:34:59,440
That's what I love about you.

738
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:00,606
Like, you never push too hard.

739
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:02,045
- You always have a backup.
- Yeah.

740
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:04,208
You're like Judge Reinhold
in Beverly <i>Hills</i> Cop.

741
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:06,800
- I'm not getting in a relationship.
- Except you're an asshole.

742
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:16,645
Hello. This is Ellie.

743
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:17,841
Hey.

744
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:19,160
It's Jason.

745
00:35:19,240 --> 00:35:21,004
All right, we're going on a date tomorrow.

746
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:23,526
Gramercy Park. Dress nicely.

747
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:24,846
No questions.

748
00:35:25,240 --> 00:35:26,571
You in?

749
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:31,681
Yeah.

750
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:33,091
Vera, we have to talk.

751
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:34,889
Mikey, did you call the glasses girl, yet?

752
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:37,327
Can you come see me tonight?
It's important.

753
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:38,925
Dude. Tell us how the call went.

754
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,729
- Nope. I'm not pissing.
- Okay.

755
00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:42,086
- Come on in.
- First of all,

756
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:43,440
- your dick looks like it found Nemo.
- Stop.

757
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,321
Second of all,
are you gonna see glasses girl?

758
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:46,361
She gonna come see me tonight.

759
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:50,126
First of all, I think your dick
looks like a snowman's nose.

760
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:51,690
- Can you stop?
- Second of all,

761
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:52,966
I thought you worked tonight?

762
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:54,371
- She might come by the hospital.
- No.

763
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:56,329
Mikey, I love your thinking on this, man.

764
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:57,845
The work-date combination.

765
00:35:57,920 --> 00:35:59,001
- It's very impressive.
- Yeah.

766
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:01,162
- I'm just thinking on my toes.
- He knows shit, man.

767
00:36:01,240 --> 00:36:04,801
It's casual. It's innovative.
I love your work, man.

768
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,645
I love that jacket.
Where are you going tonight?

769
00:36:07,720 --> 00:36:08,801
I have a pretty big night ahead of me.

770
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:12,009
I'm playing the incredibly wealthy
Mr. Von Ferrington.

771
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:13,570
That's so awesome!

772
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:14,971
You're role playing. You're committing.

773
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:17,088
- Exactly. What are you doing?
- I'm going to meet up with Chelsea

774
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:18,161
and see what we can make happen.

775
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:19,281
Again?

776
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:20,441
Why is she always hooking
you up with girls?

777
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:21,885
Have you looked in the mirror?
Have you looked at me?

778
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:23,610
I'm the most attractive.
So it's the easiest.

779
00:36:23,720 --> 00:36:25,165
- Come on.
- Yeah! That's why.

780
00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:27,601
Guys, in high school, I was voted
most likely to have the best eyes.

781
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:29,330
- That's just not true.
- So...

782
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:30,401
Yeah, right.

783
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:32,406
You idiot.

784
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,486
Do you know that James Harper lived here?

785
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:43,510
- Really?
- He used to be the mayor of New York.

786
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:47,529
You've really chosen
a wonderful property to look at Mr. Von...

787
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:48,687
- Ferrington.
- Ferrington.

788
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,364
- Von Ferrington.
- Von Ferrington.

789
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:53,808
I mean, this is one of the finest
properties in the city.

790
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:55,888
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

791
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:01,331
Look at the parquet floors
that are all inlaid and original.

792
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:02,845
And this.

793
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:04,968
Let me show you this.

794
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:10,409
Unfettered access to the private park is,

795
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,563
of course, one of the finest things
about living on Gramercy.

796
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:16,120
- Unfettered?
- Unfettered.

797
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:21,770
And now further, I'd like you to
take a look at this wrought iron.

798
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,730
- Lattice wrought iron which is the original.
- Original?

799
00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:28,202
And we have in here a beautiful,
beautiful, beautiful chandelier,

800
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:29,770
which is cut crystal.

801
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:32,764
You'll notice all of the detail
on the ceiling.

802
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:36,606
Now the Obasan rug is original
of the period.

803
00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:39,490
And we have over there
a stained glass window.

804
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:42,368
- Let's go.
- Why?

805
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:44,928
Look at the detail on this poster here.

806
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,890
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
I'll explain later.

807
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:50,088
Here, the kitchen.

808
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:51,685
Quick! The old woman's coming!

809
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:54,046
Hello?

810
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:55,887
Won't we get caught?

811
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:57,490
I don't think so. Let's go.

812
00:37:57,560 --> 00:37:58,925
Hello?

813
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:00,923
Mr. Ferrington?

814
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:02,001
Hello?

815
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:05,368
Slow down. Slow down. Just walk normal.

816
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:06,487
What do you mean walk...

817
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:08,483
- You're walking like a criminal.
- What? This is how I walk.

818
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:09,641
I'm not a criminal.

819
00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:11,245
But I am.

820
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,444
We have to go. Let's go!

821
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:15,925
Hello?

822
00:38:16,720 --> 00:38:17,721
Hello?

823
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:22,646
Okay. You said we need to talk.

824
00:38:22,720 --> 00:38:24,882
Nobody says, "We need to talk,"
unless it's really bad news, right?

825
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:27,088
- No, no, no.
- And my grandmother had ovarian cancer.

826
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,168
No, no, no.
You're fine, you're fine, you're fine!

827
00:38:29,240 --> 00:38:31,322
The tests they ran indicated
nothing out of the ordinary.

828
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:32,526
- I have all the symptoms.
- Baby, you're fine.

829
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:33,647
You're fine. You're okay.

830
00:38:33,720 --> 00:38:34,687
- Come here.
- What was that message then?

831
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:36,410
Come here. No, no. Come here.

832
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:39,091
Okay. I am sorry. I just wanted to talk.

833
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:41,522
Oh, my God. You are such an idiot.

834
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,367
- You are such an idiot.
- Yes.

835
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:46,920
Just... Just... Just come sit down. Okay?

836
00:38:48,720 --> 00:38:50,085
Oh, God.

837
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:53,289
Breathe. Breathe.

838
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:55,408
Oh, God, I thought I was dying.

839
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,367
Yeah. You thought you were dying.

840
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:04,771
That was me.

841
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:14,370
Where did we go wrong?

842
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:19,081
Like, what happened?

843
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:20,201
What happened to us?

844
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:23,845
What happened? I...

845
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:27,249
I mean, we got married at 23 years old,

846
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:30,324
I just don't think at that point
you are ready for a life

847
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:32,801
without excitement or spontaneity.

848
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:34,531
Spontaneity?

849
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:36,001
I mean, I'm spontaneous.

850
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:41,041
We didn't have sex for almost six months.

851
00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:43,245
You want spontaneous?

852
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:53,407
- Hey.
- Hi.

853
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:55,084
- Are you sick or something?
- No.

854
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:56,571
Those aren't going out clothes.

855
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,051
Well, who's going out?

856
00:39:58,120 --> 00:39:59,884
I thought we were going out.

857
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,002
That was pretty badass.

858
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:07,650
I can get fired for that shit.

859
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:40,126
You know, when I was a kid,
I used to love going to parks.

860
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:45,161
And my grandfather
used to take me every Sunday.

861
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:48,203
But my ex hated parks.

862
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:51,921
He thought they were
like too public or something.

863
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:53,889
He sounds like a real dick.

864
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:55,121
What? My ex?

865
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:56,770
Your grandfather.

866
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,441
So what happened between the two of you?

867
00:41:02,240 --> 00:41:04,641
Well, I graduated from school
and I moved to New York.

868
00:41:04,720 --> 00:41:07,121
And he took a job in Chicago.

869
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:12,240
And it was sort of like a
focus-on-your-work-life-first sort of thing.

870
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:15,482
They call us the selfish generation.

871
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:19,805
What about you?

872
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:25,842
Who's the one that got you?

873
00:41:27,720 --> 00:41:31,645
How dare you assume that I have
any emotional capacity whatsoever?

874
00:41:31,720 --> 00:41:33,245
- Get out of my park.
- No.

875
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:34,890
- Get out.
- No.

876
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:37,888
It's okay. You can come back.

877
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:51,410
Damn it!

878
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:53,171
I was so not gonna do that.

879
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:54,441
I was gonna hold out.

880
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:56,841
I was gonna make you wait,
like, 40 days or something.

881
00:41:56,920 --> 00:42:01,608
I was gonna make you wait, too,
but then I realized, "I'm a dude."

882
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:19,767
Hey, guys. It's Fred.

883
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:23,884
Jesus! Fred, you're like Reverse Elvis,
you know.

884
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:25,371
Fred, you entered the building.

885
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:28,130
I love Elvis.

886
00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:33,804
"Thank you, very much."

887
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:37,881
What's up, Fred?

888
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:42,090
Well, Ellie from Simon just sent over
the Matterhorn book cover.

889
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:44,247
And she wants us to do it?

890
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:45,526
Specifically.

891
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:47,841
- Specifically?
- Specifically.

892
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:52,129
I'll get in on that.

893
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:55,200
Right.

894
00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:01,006
Come on.

895
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:03,606
- Thanks, Fred.
- Yeah.

896
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:05,682
- All right.
- Gonna do it!

897
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:10,721
Wait, okay, so let me get this straight.

898
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:13,087
You have sex with this girl.
We get a job out of it?

899
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:14,241
Certainly seems that way.

900
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:17,682
And to think this whole time,
we thought that poor girl was a hooker.

901
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:19,445
Well, yeah.

902
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:23,570
But in reality,
the only prostitute here is you.

903
00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:37,804
No one came again.

904
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:40,360
Again?
Why don't you get better authors?

905
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:43,201
You know, I never even thought of that.

906
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:45,726
Yes, I've tried that. I've been trying.

907
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:47,609
Well, come by my place after for a drink.

908
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:49,011
I'll come by after.

909
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,480
I don't understand why you won't tell me.
Just tell me where you did it.

910
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:54,000
I'm not telling you, so stop asking.

911
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:55,804
Why? You know you're gonna tell me.
You tell me everything.

912
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:57,291
I do. But I'm not telling you this
right now.

913
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:58,850
- Why?
- 'Cause I'm whupping your ass.

914
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:00,331
You get all precious with this stuff
and you throw down,

915
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:01,526
and slap me in the mouth.

916
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:02,840
Whenever you start losing,
you just get upset.

917
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:04,649
Dude, did you just take
another shit in there?

918
00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:06,165
- No, I'm not.
- Every time.

919
00:44:06,240 --> 00:44:07,685
Why do you care so much
about what I'm doing in there?

920
00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:08,761
I wasn't taking a shit.

921
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:10,285
You're so disgusting. Dude.

922
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:12,761
Why do you guys care
so much what I do in the bathroom?

923
00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:13,807
And I wasn't taking a shit.

924
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:14,960
- Every time.
- Yes, you...

925
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:16,411
Have a little faith.
What are you guys talking about?

926
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:17,606
Mikey won't tell me
where he had sex last night.

927
00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:18,681
Mikey, where did you have sex last night?

928
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:20,086
Why do you care so much
about where I had sex?

929
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:21,161
'Cause we're your friends.
We wanna know.

930
00:44:21,240 --> 00:44:24,001
- Where'd you have sex, Mikey?
- The hospital.

931
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:25,411
- With the glasses girl?
- Are you serious?

932
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:28,165
Oh, my God!
You <i>Grey's Anatomy</i> motherfucker!

933
00:44:28,240 --> 00:44:29,765
Mikey, that is awesome.

934
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:31,325
Dude, your wife never would've had sex
in the hospital.

935
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:33,323
- She's too uptight.
- Not in a million years.

936
00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:35,761
I'm fucking proud of you.
Really am proud of you.

937
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:37,524
What is that?

938
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:39,286
I don't know.

939
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:41,647
- You order food?
- I mean, we're all here.

940
00:44:41,720 --> 00:44:43,663
- I didn't order food. Did you order food?
- No.

941
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:46,606
So. It's Ellie.

942
00:44:47,720 --> 00:44:50,200
What the fuck? Are you serious, dude?

943
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,408
Jason, this is a den of testosterone, man.

944
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:53,845
- This is a pre-game.
- This is my apartment.

945
00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:55,041
That's a good point.

946
00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:57,726
It's not a good point. First of all, guys,
I just took a shit in there.

947
00:44:57,840 --> 00:44:59,046
- I knew it.
- It's every time.

948
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:00,246
Why don't you take a shit
at your own apartment?

949
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:02,721
You can't invite a girl
to a place like this.

950
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:04,450
- I didn't invite her.
- You didn't invite her?

951
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:05,806
- No.
- That's worse.

952
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:07,530
That's some girlfriend shit.

953
00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:09,130
Some I-have-a-girlfriend shit.

954
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:11,370
Okay, well, I'm gonna buzz her in.

955
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:12,805
- Don't buzz her.
- Don't buzz her in.

956
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:14,803
- I'm gonna buzz her in.
- Jason, don't buzz her in.

957
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:15,927
- Don't buzz...
- Don't buzz her in, man.

958
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:18,048
- We're having such good guy time right now.
- Oh, shit.

959
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:19,121
I just buzzed her in.

960
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,328
- He fucking buzzed her in. Okay.
- He buzzed her in.

961
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:22,401
- Really?
- Okay.

962
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:23,925
Both you guys need to calm down.

963
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:26,321
We're not supposed to see them
more than twice in one week, all right?

964
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:28,209
And you're seeing this chick
twice in one day.

965
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:29,645
Dude. Relax.

966
00:45:29,720 --> 00:45:30,801
Invite her up then, man!

967
00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:32,245
She's not gonna wanna talk about Xbox.

968
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:35,688
So, I'm gonna be sitting here being like,
"I have to fart but maybe I can't right now."

969
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:38,047
She better have some hot friends.
Dude, you're pissing me off.

970
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:41,010
Open the door. I don't care.
I'm getting wasted.

971
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:43,287
- Hey. I hope I'm not interrupting.
- Hi.

972
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:45,966
No. You're not interrupting.
You're not interrupting anything.

973
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:49,522
So this is this is Daniel. This is Mikey.
We went to college together.

974
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:50,926
Guys, Ellie.

975
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:52,843
Daniel is a manipulative idiot.

976
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:55,048
- And Mikey has an orange dick.
- Hi.

977
00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:56,246
Really, dude?

978
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:57,765
That's really good to know.

979
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:00,525
I brought scotch.
I don't know if you guys drink scotch.

980
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:02,086
She brought scotch?

981
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:03,161
You should try it.

982
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:05,001
Let's try it.

983
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:06,650
What are you guys playing?

984
00:46:06,720 --> 00:46:08,722
- A little Xbox.
- Can I play?

985
00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:16,201
Yeah.

986
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:46,728
Apparently, her ex-boyfriend played
a lot of Halo.

987
00:46:48,240 --> 00:46:51,050
You know what? It's late. I gotta go.
I gotta go to West Side.

988
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:53,640
No, you're not. We're not letting you. No.
We're not letting you go.

989
00:46:53,720 --> 00:46:55,324
I promise you we get funnier.

990
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:58,529
But tonight is Mikey's night.
You know, I can feel it.

991
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:01,200
- I pray to God it is.
- That's what I was telling you, too, baby.

992
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:04,011
I forgot to tell you, it's my birthday
coming up soon.

993
00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:05,127
Really?

994
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:07,521
Usually people are more subtle about this.

995
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:10,206
No, not like that.

996
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:13,329
I'm going to throw myself
a surprise birthday party.

997
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:15,289
- You're throwing yourself a surprise party?
- Yeah.

998
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:16,407
- Well, I'm surprised.
- Yeah,

999
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:18,921
everybody's gonna get dressed up
and decked out.

1000
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:20,001
And you should do the same.

1001
00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:21,809
- It's a dress-up party?
- Absolutely, yeah.

1002
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:23,922
- I'm so in. I love getting dressed up.
- Sweet.

1003
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:25,365
He's actually giving her eye contact?

1004
00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:26,521
He's engaged.

1005
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:27,806
- Bye.
- Bye.

1006
00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:29,763
That's a great painting, by the way.

1007
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:30,921
Thank you.

1008
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:42,564
That's nice. it was beautiful, man.

1009
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:44,449
- That was really nice.
- That was quite nice.

1010
00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:46,325
And I do love her. I do.

1011
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:47,771
I really like her.

1012
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:50,525
I really liked it when she came by
without telling anybody.

1013
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:52,967
I really liked it
when she kissed you on the cheek.

1014
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:56,601
And I really like that
you're about to lose this bet.

1015
00:47:56,680 --> 00:47:57,681
- Yep.
- Jason, do you remember

1016
00:47:57,760 --> 00:47:59,400
when we said we're all gonna stay single?

1017
00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:00,970
Yeah, well, it looks like you're fucked.

1018
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:02,041
I'm not fucked.

1019
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:03,121
You are so fucked!

1020
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:04,725
I'm not fucked. Let's go out.

1021
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:12,643
- Hey, Chels!
- Hey. Sorry, guys.

1022
00:48:12,720 --> 00:48:13,960
Can we get tequila shots, please?

1023
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:15,121
Sotheby's kept me late.

1024
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:16,440
Then they can take care of
these drinks.

1025
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:17,726
- They will?
- Hey.

1026
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:19,723
- It's good to see you.
- You, too.

1027
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:22,368
- I'm still going.
- That's not cool.

1028
00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:24,209
- All right cheers!
- Cheers!

1029
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:30,325
Chels, you're up.

1030
00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:32,326
Get it.

1031
00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:37,250
Oh, my God, I love your shoes.

1032
00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:39,800
Thank you. That's so sweet.

1033
00:48:40,360 --> 00:48:42,931
- That should've been me.
- This is my friend, Daniel.

1034
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:45,844
Hi.

1035
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:53,524
Nice to meet you.

1036
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:00,081
Okay.

1037
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:01,851
Okay.

1038
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:05,681
- What...
- The fuck was that?

1039
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:07,765
Seriously. That was god-awful.

1040
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:08,961
That was horrendous.

1041
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:10,087
I got nothing... I don't know.

1042
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:12,367
Are you serious right now?
You just dropped the ball. Seriously.

1043
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:14,169
You just dropped the ball big time.

1044
00:49:14,240 --> 00:49:15,526
I'm having an off night. I don't know.

1045
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:16,687
Having an off night?

1046
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:18,250
Even Jordan has off nights.

1047
00:49:19,560 --> 00:49:21,050
Very ambitious.

1048
00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:50,890
What? What's wrong?

1049
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:52,485
That teddy bear.

1050
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:53,641
Mr. Wiggles?

1051
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:55,524
Fuck, Mr. Wiggles. Yeah, Mr. Wiggles.

1052
00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:56,886
Because, I know,

1053
00:49:57,840 --> 00:49:59,560
your ex-boyfriend gave you
that teddy bear.

1054
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:01,728
And I said he was a pussy, which he was.

1055
00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:03,040
And then you broke up with him.

1056
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:05,162
But I was thinking about you guys together.

1057
00:50:05,240 --> 00:50:07,208
And him having sex with you.
And then I thought about him naked.

1058
00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:09,248
- And you know. And all that stuff.
- Oh, really? Yeah.

1059
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:12,443
And my boner just started to wilt
like warm lettuce.

1060
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:15,161
- I'm gonna get rid of the teddy bear!
- Thank you.

1061
00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:20,003
- Creeped me out.
- Yeah.

1062
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:23,807
Chelsea, I just really
want you to know something.

1063
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:25,370
And I wanted to be very clear.

1064
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:28,523
You're not looking
for anything serious right now?

1065
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:33,442
Look, Daniel, this thing
doesn't have to be a thing.

1066
00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:38,126
And if you want to go back to being friends,
we can go back to being friends.

1067
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:39,929
I don't want to go back to anything.

1068
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:41,843
That's what I was going to tell you.

1069
00:50:43,240 --> 00:50:45,242
I really like being here.

1070
00:50:49,720 --> 00:50:51,643
That's what I was going to say.

1071
00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:00,330
You working this weekend?

1072
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:04,169
You should come by the hospital.

1073
00:51:04,240 --> 00:51:06,242
- Again.
- Yeah. Again.

1074
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:07,446
You'd like that, wouldn't you?

1075
00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:08,851
Yeah, I would.

1076
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:12,009
Come by again and again and again.

1077
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:16,921
Check this one out.

1078
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:18,520
- That's impressive.
- Very impressive.

1079
00:51:18,560 --> 00:51:19,846
Something for the two of you?

1080
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:21,400
What's up, man?

1081
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:22,891
Something for the two of you?

1082
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:26,760
Oh, no, no, no. We're not gay, man.

1083
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:28,649
- And we're just...
- We just need a giant strap-on dildo.

1084
00:51:28,720 --> 00:51:31,405
Which I know sounds a little gay.
But it's for a costume.

1085
00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:34,811
It's right here. Right in front of you.

1086
00:51:35,360 --> 00:51:37,203
- Wait. I have a serious question for you.
- Yeah.

1087
00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:38,606
Think.

1088
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:40,762
If you were gay, would you date me?

1089
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:42,080
Definitely not.

1090
00:51:42,200 --> 00:51:43,361
- What?
- What?

1091
00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:44,965
I would not date you, Jason.

1092
00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:47,845
- Why?
- Because you're not my type.

1093
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:49,080
What the fuck does that mean?

1094
00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:50,201
What? Are you offended?

1095
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:51,520
I'm completely offended.

1096
00:51:51,600 --> 00:51:52,886
Deal with it.

1097
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:56,328
You'd gay date me. You know you would.

1098
00:51:56,400 --> 00:51:58,528
Honestly, if were
to have sex with you, Jason,

1099
00:51:58,600 --> 00:52:00,284
which apparently you really want,

1100
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:02,567
you would probably be like
top three hottest chicks

1101
00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:03,727
I've ever had sex with.

1102
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:05,450
That's actually true.

1103
00:52:05,520 --> 00:52:06,851
Man, how much are these?

1104
00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:08,763
For you? $75.

1105
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:11,241
For me? 'Cause we're such good friends?

1106
00:52:12,320 --> 00:52:14,448
These are all dishwasher safe.

1107
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:16,330
I don't think
you should go to this party, man.

1108
00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:18,289
Dude, I can go to the party.
It's gonna be fun.

1109
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:19,361
$65.

1110
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:21,920
Dude, who the fuck are you
negotiating with right now?

1111
00:52:23,240 --> 00:52:24,446
$60.

1112
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:28,840
Okay. Look. I'm telling you, man.
This party is a road to a relationship.

1113
00:52:28,880 --> 00:52:32,168
And that road is paved with responsibility
and lack of selfishness.

1114
00:52:32,240 --> 00:52:34,402
And what the fuck am I holding right now?
What is this?

1115
00:52:34,480 --> 00:52:35,606
I have no idea.

1116
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:39,521
Clever.

1117
00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:42,244
It comes with an extra balloon.

1118
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:43,685
Why would I need an extra balloon?

1119
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:45,444
- In case it pops.
- Why would it pop?

1120
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:48,130
If you try too hard.

1121
00:52:50,240 --> 00:52:51,401
What?

1122
00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:19,205
Sick cock, bro.

1123
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:20,646
Thanks.

1124
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:24,407
What's up?

1125
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:32,161
- Hey.
- Yeah.

1126
00:53:32,360 --> 00:53:33,805
Happy birthday!

1127
00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:37,206
Jason? What are you wearing?

1128
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:39,647
Rock out with my cock out.

1129
00:53:40,480 --> 00:53:42,482
It's not my real cock, though.

1130
00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:45,448
- Clearly.
- Yeah.

1131
00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:48,849
So it's a different kind of dress-up party?

1132
00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:49,887
Yeah.

1133
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:54,329
This is a classic case of miscommunication.

1134
00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:56,761
- It's really... It's just a classic.
- Yeah.

1135
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:06,684
These are my parents.

1136
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:09,521
My mom, Jodie, and my dad, Bill.

1137
00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:10,766
Holy shit.

1138
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:12,161
This is Jason.

1139
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:14,610
I'm sorry. Hi.

1140
00:54:14,680 --> 00:54:16,444
I'm just gonna pretend
that this isn't happening. Hi.

1141
00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:17,931
- Hello.
- Hi. I'm Jason.

1142
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:18,967
Hi.

1143
00:54:19,040 --> 00:54:20,371
- Bill.
- Jason. Nice to meet you.

1144
00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:22,522
- Oh, goodness.
- That should not have happened.

1145
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:24,165
That shouldn't have happened.

1146
00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:25,321
Yeah.

1147
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:29,445
It's a cocktail.

1148
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:33,045
Shouldn't have said that.

1149
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:40,004
I'm just gonna go and check the...

1150
00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:44,804
You know what? Just excuse me one sec.

1151
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:13,765
Cheers!

1152
00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:22,251
No. I got to hand it to you, man.

1153
00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:23,651
I'm impressed by the way
you hung in there.

1154
00:55:23,720 --> 00:55:26,007
I should have left.
I definitely should have left.

1155
00:55:26,080 --> 00:55:27,844
I guess I'm a sucker for abuse.

1156
00:55:27,920 --> 00:55:29,285
You must be.

1157
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:31,488
You know the hardest part
about this costume?

1158
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:34,689
It was seeing this thing
next to my actual dick.

1159
00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:35,886
I can only imagine.

1160
00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:39,043
I didn't know whether to cry
or go kill myself.

1161
00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:41,682
What are you laughing at, Bill?

1162
00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:44,764
I like this guy, Ell.

1163
00:55:45,520 --> 00:55:47,010
I like this guy.

1164
00:55:48,520 --> 00:55:50,284
Don't encourage him, Dad.

1165
00:55:51,360 --> 00:55:52,771
Don't encourage him.

1166
00:55:58,200 --> 00:55:59,611
So?

1167
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:04,280
So?

1168
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:09,966
What do Jason and Mikey think about this?

1169
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:14,280
What do you mean?

1170
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:17,280
Well, I mean, like, whatever we're doing.

1171
00:56:18,440 --> 00:56:19,851
What have you told them?

1172
00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:24,807
I mean, I told them everything.

1173
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:27,450
Yeah. They're really happy for you.

1174
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:30,806
- Sorry. They're happy for me?
- They're happy for both of us.

1175
00:56:30,880 --> 00:56:33,645
They're just so happy for the two of us.

1176
00:56:34,320 --> 00:56:36,641
That's what they...
Yeah, they're just really happy.

1177
00:56:36,720 --> 00:56:38,802
And Jason's taking it okay?

1178
00:56:39,240 --> 00:56:42,722
Yeah. I mean,
he was a little angry at first,

1179
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:45,883
but now he's in the fourth stage
of grieving.

1180
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:47,281
Denial?

1181
00:56:47,360 --> 00:56:49,010
Masturbation.

1182
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:51,489
You know what's so cool?

1183
00:56:51,560 --> 00:56:53,927
When I'm being really serious
and you're like,

1184
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:56,401
"Hey, I'm Daniel. I'm, like, really funny."

1185
00:56:56,480 --> 00:56:58,921
- I don't sound anything like that.
- You sound exactly like that.

1186
00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:00,525
"Hey, I'm Daniel."

1187
00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:02,284
You sound like you have peanut butter
in your mouth.

1188
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:04,124
- No.
- What do you want me to say?

1189
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:06,487
They think it's cool that I'm slumming it?

1190
00:57:07,880 --> 00:57:10,121
Slumdogging?

1191
00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:15,561
No. Honestly, I'm just happy you told them.

1192
00:57:16,640 --> 00:57:18,881
I know how you are with girls.

1193
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:21,205
Or at least how you've been.

1194
00:57:29,720 --> 00:57:31,051
You know what?

1195
00:57:31,520 --> 00:57:32,885
Your dad...

1196
00:57:34,560 --> 00:57:35,800
Awesome.

1197
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:40,881
Well, he likes you, too,
even though you had that thing on.

1198
00:57:42,040 --> 00:57:43,804
Maybe that's why he liked me.

1199
00:57:46,720 --> 00:57:48,722
You know you don't have to
clear up anything.

1200
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:49,881
You don't have to help.

1201
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:51,291
No, I want to.

1202
00:57:51,400 --> 00:57:53,721
You can't wake up to this. It's disgusting.

1203
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:55,643
The apartment or you?

1204
00:57:57,360 --> 00:57:58,885
You've always hated me.

1205
00:57:58,960 --> 00:58:00,371
Just stop talking for one minute.

1206
00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:02,886
I know it's really hard,
but you can just try.

1207
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:04,531
You've always hated me.

1208
00:58:40,680 --> 00:58:42,011
I'm gonna take a shower.

1209
00:58:42,120 --> 00:58:43,645
- Okay.
- Okay.

1210
00:58:43,720 --> 00:58:46,610
Last night was amazing.

1211
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:49,611
And this morning.

1212
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:53,603
Do you think you could grow old
in New York?

1213
00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:56,008
I'm not gonna get old.

1214
00:58:56,080 --> 00:58:57,809
Getting old looks so tiring.

1215
00:58:57,880 --> 00:59:00,360
I know.
You just, like, wake up in the morning

1216
00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:03,046
and have to figure out what to do
in between meals.

1217
00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:04,485
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

1218
00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:08,650
I'm gonna get an old Jaguar XK-E,
completely restored.

1219
00:59:08,720 --> 00:59:10,722
And then I'm gonna eat a ton of acid.

1220
00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:14,250
Like, so much acid that
if you went to go see <i>Cirque du Soleil,</i>

1221
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:16,328
you'd think you were in Connecticut.

1222
00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:20,280
And then I'm gonna speed up
the West Side Highway,

1223
00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:23,563
as fast as a car can go,
crash through the divider,

1224
00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:25,722
and careen off into the Hudson.

1225
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:27,529
In slow-motion, of course.

1226
00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:29,011
Of course.

1227
00:59:29,080 --> 00:59:30,570
And that would be it.

1228
00:59:30,640 --> 00:59:33,007
My death, premeditated.

1229
00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:34,961
Okay.

1230
00:59:35,040 --> 00:59:37,042
I mean, here's what's
actually gonna happen.

1231
00:59:37,160 --> 00:59:38,810
What?

1232
00:59:38,880 --> 00:59:41,167
You'll be 70 years old.

1233
00:59:41,240 --> 00:59:43,163
So you'll think you're going 150,

1234
00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:45,607
but actually you're going
25 at best, 15 at worst.

1235
00:59:45,680 --> 00:59:48,729
You can't see,
so the acid you think you're eating

1236
00:59:48,800 --> 00:59:50,450
will actually be an errant Lipitor.

1237
00:59:50,520 --> 00:59:53,000
You're going to forget what you were doing
in the car in the first place,

1238
00:59:53,080 --> 00:59:55,082
bump into the divider,
wet yourself, ruin the car,

1239
00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:57,447
lose your license, and your dignity
in one fell swoop.

1240
00:59:57,520 --> 01:00:00,205
And then you're gonna be ushered off
into some rest home,

1241
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:01,281
where you have to wake up
in the mornings,

1242
01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:04,011
and figure out what the hell to do
in between meals.

1243
01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:09,002
You know, you don't have to be right
about everything all the time?

1244
01:00:18,880 --> 01:00:20,006
How's Ellie?

1245
01:00:23,200 --> 01:00:24,440
What do you mean?

1246
01:00:24,520 --> 01:00:25,521
What do you mean what do I mean?

1247
01:00:25,640 --> 01:00:27,642
Nothing. What are you talking about?

1248
01:00:28,560 --> 01:00:30,722
What are you talking about?
So? What's up?

1249
01:00:30,800 --> 01:00:32,131
Nothing. Where's Chelsea?

1250
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:33,927
What do you mean?

1251
01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:36,810
I mean, where is Chelsea is what I mean.

1252
01:00:39,400 --> 01:00:40,970
I gotta talk to you about Chelsea.

1253
01:00:44,240 --> 01:00:45,241
What's going on?

1254
01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:48,204
- Why are you so happy?
- Yeah?

1255
01:00:48,280 --> 01:00:50,123
I can't be happy to see
my two best friends?

1256
01:00:50,200 --> 01:00:51,804
That's not a
happy-to-see-your-Mo-best-friends face.

1257
01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:53,086
No?

1258
01:00:53,840 --> 01:00:55,001
What is going on?

1259
01:00:55,080 --> 01:00:56,570
You're girl happy.

1260
01:00:56,640 --> 01:00:58,642
Look at me. Did you bone again?

1261
01:00:58,720 --> 01:00:59,926
You boned again, didn't you?

1262
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:01,001
- No. What are you...
- Did you?

1263
01:01:01,080 --> 01:01:03,481
No. That's ridiculous.
Can you stop looking at me like that?

1264
01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:05,164
- You're a fucking animal! Yes, you did!
- Did you?

1265
01:01:05,240 --> 01:01:06,605
Did you?

1266
01:01:06,680 --> 01:01:08,682
- Who was it? Glasses girl?
- Was it?

1267
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:10,250
- Glasses girl.
- Was it?

1268
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:14,325
Wow. Mikey.

1269
01:01:14,440 --> 01:01:16,320
It's the beginning
of a beautiful roster, buddy.

1270
01:01:16,400 --> 01:01:17,686
- Yeah, man.
- I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you.

1271
01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:19,000
- Thank you.
- I'm also proud of you.

1272
01:01:19,080 --> 01:01:20,605
Your phone is ringing.

1273
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:24,809
- Are you going to answer that?
- No.

1274
01:01:24,880 --> 01:01:27,531
You should. It might be a hot lonely girl
looking to talk to me,

1275
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:29,090
but she has your number.

1276
01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:30,446
- No. It's Ellie.
- No, it's not.

1277
01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:33,603
I can read it. It's right there on the bar.
It says, "Ellie." See that?

1278
01:01:34,760 --> 01:01:35,807
I'll get it later.

1279
01:01:35,920 --> 01:01:37,046
That's real mature.

1280
01:01:37,120 --> 01:01:39,401
Yeah. You should answer it,
because she's your girlfriend.

1281
01:01:39,440 --> 01:01:41,761
It's... Yeah. My girlfriend.

1282
01:01:41,840 --> 01:01:42,966
Shit. She's calling again.

1283
01:01:43,040 --> 01:01:44,041
Back to back?

1284
01:01:44,120 --> 01:01:46,726
Answer that phone!
She might need you to pick up diapers!

1285
01:01:46,800 --> 01:01:48,131
Or, like, tampons, or something like that.

1286
01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:49,770
I'm out with you guys.
I'm not fucking answering it.

1287
01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:51,001
- Well, I'm gonna answer it.
- I wish I wasn't.

1288
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:54,721
Hey, Ellie! What's up?
No, it's Daniel. It's Jason's best man.

1289
01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:56,211
- He just crossed a line.
- It's his best man friend.

1290
01:01:56,280 --> 01:01:57,770
- Best man? What are you talking about?
- Yeah.

1291
01:01:57,840 --> 01:01:59,604
All right. Here he is. Here he is.

1292
01:01:59,680 --> 01:02:01,170
- Hi.
- Hi.

1293
01:02:01,240 --> 01:02:03,083
- Hello.
- All strong arm-y. You wanna strong arm me?

1294
01:02:03,160 --> 01:02:04,491
He gets so angry.

1295
01:02:05,320 --> 01:02:06,651
Yeah. Hello?

1296
01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:08,320
I can hear you.

1297
01:02:12,640 --> 01:02:13,846
Ellie?

1298
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:18,243
- Oh, my God.
- What? What's up?

1299
01:02:18,320 --> 01:02:20,129
Her dad just died.

1300
01:02:21,880 --> 01:02:23,041
Her dad died.

1301
01:02:36,680 --> 01:02:38,762
You have to.
It's not even a question.

1302
01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:39,921
You have to show up at that funeral.

1303
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:42,048
If I set foot anywhere near that funeral,
then we're dating.

1304
01:02:42,120 --> 01:02:43,087
Then don't go, dude.

1305
01:02:43,160 --> 01:02:45,561
What the fuck are you talking about?

1306
01:02:45,640 --> 01:02:48,086
If he doesn't want to go to the funeral,
why should he go to the funeral?

1307
01:02:48,200 --> 01:02:50,328
Are you not a human being?
Do you not have a soul?

1308
01:02:50,400 --> 01:02:51,811
Technically, she didn't even invite me.

1309
01:02:51,880 --> 01:02:54,565
Technically?
She has to invite you to a funeral?

1310
01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:56,768
Yeah. What, he's supposed
to show up and say,

1311
01:02:56,840 --> 01:02:59,764
"Hey. I'm Jason. I'm actually fucking
the dead guy's daughter"?

1312
01:02:59,880 --> 01:03:02,770
- What're you talking about?
- If anything, I'm just gonna be a distraction.

1313
01:03:02,880 --> 01:03:05,167
- It's like...
- It's better than being an asshole. Okay?

1314
01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:06,601
It's better than being an asshole.

1315
01:03:16,720 --> 01:03:18,722
I know. I wish I could be home, too.

1316
01:03:19,880 --> 01:03:22,645
Next year. I promise.
But happy Thanksgiving.

1317
01:03:28,760 --> 01:03:30,091
I miss you, too.

1318
01:03:30,920 --> 01:03:33,002
Tell Dad I say hello.

1319
01:03:35,080 --> 01:03:36,241
I love you, too.

1320
01:03:38,240 --> 01:03:39,651
Yeah, no.
Take your time. Take your time.

1321
01:03:39,720 --> 01:03:43,611
I'll be here. Finishing up. Yeah.

1322
01:03:46,640 --> 01:03:48,529
Here. That's set.

1323
01:04:13,520 --> 01:04:14,521
Hey.

1324
01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:15,840
I'm so glad you came.

1325
01:04:15,920 --> 01:04:17,251
You look great.

1326
01:04:17,320 --> 01:04:19,084
You look great. Nice flowers.

1327
01:04:19,160 --> 01:04:21,731
Thank you. They're not for you.
They're for your grandma.

1328
01:04:21,800 --> 01:04:23,643
- Grandma.
- There you go.

1329
01:04:23,720 --> 01:04:26,326
I picked them myself on the way over.
No big deal.

1330
01:04:26,400 --> 01:04:28,209
God. She is so sweet.

1331
01:04:28,280 --> 01:04:29,486
I see where you get your looks from.

1332
01:04:29,560 --> 01:04:30,600
- Shameless of you.
- Yeah.

1333
01:04:30,640 --> 01:04:32,085
What? I'm not trying to have sex
with your grandma.

1334
01:04:32,160 --> 01:04:33,161
Gross.

1335
01:04:33,240 --> 01:04:34,685
Unless you think she's into it.

1336
01:04:34,760 --> 01:04:36,364
- Don't think she's...
- Then maybe I will. Grandma!

1337
01:04:36,440 --> 01:04:37,851
- Don't... He may be into it.
- I'm just kidding.

1338
01:04:37,920 --> 01:04:38,887
All right. I'm just saying.

1339
01:04:38,960 --> 01:04:41,566
Like, in two generations I could be
responsible for making you again.

1340
01:04:41,640 --> 01:04:42,880
- Okay.
- It's called science.

1341
01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:44,450
It's called disgusting.

1342
01:04:45,960 --> 01:04:48,122
So are Mikey and Jason coming?

1343
01:04:48,200 --> 01:04:50,806
No, I don't think
they're gonna make it this year.

1344
01:04:55,040 --> 01:04:57,168
Babe, I'm so sorry. I know I'm late.

1345
01:04:57,480 --> 01:04:59,608
- Traffic was awful.
- It's a holiday.

1346
01:04:59,680 --> 01:05:00,841
Hi.

1347
01:05:04,040 --> 01:05:06,361
The turkey looks beautiful!

1348
01:05:06,440 --> 01:05:08,329
And you got the red I like.

1349
01:05:09,080 --> 01:05:10,764
I made everything just how you like it.

1350
01:05:10,840 --> 01:05:12,251
I know you did.

1351
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:15,447
This red is so smooth.

1352
01:05:15,520 --> 01:05:18,091
I don't know.
It feels a little off balance to me.

1353
01:05:18,160 --> 01:05:19,650
Yeah? What do you mean?

1354
01:05:20,560 --> 01:05:22,847
I don't know.
Like something doesn't belong.

1355
01:05:24,520 --> 01:05:26,602
Maybe it needs to breathe a little.

1356
01:05:26,680 --> 01:05:28,045
It has, like, a chocolate undertone.

1357
01:05:28,120 --> 01:05:30,407
Maybe you're just reacting to that flavor.

1358
01:05:31,080 --> 01:05:34,482
Or maybe 'cause you're still
fucking Harold. I can't tell.

1359
01:05:35,840 --> 01:05:37,604
You know his jacket is still in the closet?

1360
01:05:37,680 --> 01:05:39,523
It's a great jacket.
Why's it in the fucking closet?

1361
01:05:39,600 --> 01:05:41,090
Can we please just enjoy this?

1362
01:05:41,160 --> 01:05:43,288
I've been trying to pretend
that things haven't changed.

1363
01:05:43,360 --> 01:05:44,407
Things have changed.

1364
01:05:44,480 --> 01:05:45,925
Then what are we doing?

1365
01:05:47,040 --> 01:05:48,405
What are we doing?

1366
01:05:51,360 --> 01:05:53,442
We're having fun. I don't know.

1367
01:05:53,520 --> 01:05:54,885
"I don't know"?

1368
01:05:57,080 --> 01:05:58,081
That's it?

1369
01:05:58,960 --> 01:06:00,610
"I don't know"?

1370
01:06:02,360 --> 01:06:03,885
We had everything we wanted.

1371
01:06:03,960 --> 01:06:05,485
A great apartment. A great job.

1372
01:06:05,560 --> 01:06:07,210
You're making partner in a year.
I'm in the ER.

1373
01:06:07,280 --> 01:06:08,406
We checked each other's boxes!

1374
01:06:08,480 --> 01:06:10,164
Why didn't we ever talk about kids?

1375
01:06:12,800 --> 01:06:16,521
It's because neither of us saw that future
and you know that's true.

1376
01:06:25,800 --> 01:06:27,211
Maybe I should go.

1377
01:06:50,160 --> 01:06:51,924
I just need to hear you say it.

1378
01:06:53,640 --> 01:06:54,926
Just say it.

1379
01:07:03,520 --> 01:07:05,602
I don't love you anymore.

1380
01:07:28,160 --> 01:07:30,766
So, I said to Paul,
after our first lunch downtown,

1381
01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:33,286
I thought you two would
be perfect for one another.

1382
01:07:33,400 --> 01:07:34,401
Mom.

1383
01:07:34,480 --> 01:07:36,323
Susan, to be honest,
I feel like I'd be perfect with anybody.

1384
01:07:36,400 --> 01:07:38,801
You know, for your daughter,
it was just right place at the right time.

1385
01:07:38,880 --> 01:07:40,609
You know, like working at Google.

1386
01:07:40,960 --> 01:07:42,405
You've got a job at Google?

1387
01:07:42,640 --> 01:07:44,768
No. I was just... You know, that's not...

1388
01:07:44,840 --> 01:07:46,171
- Possible.
- Right.

1389
01:07:46,240 --> 01:07:49,722
Daddy, Daniel was actually just telling Mom
that he was too good for me.

1390
01:07:50,160 --> 01:07:51,924
- No. Daniel wasn't.
- Was that right?

1391
01:07:52,000 --> 01:07:54,082
Now there, you're...
Well, you're taking it out of context, sir.

1392
01:07:54,160 --> 01:07:56,208
It's the other way around.
I'm very lucky.

1393
01:07:56,400 --> 01:08:00,200
Calm down, Daniel.
We know you're not too good for Chelsea.

1394
01:08:00,840 --> 01:08:02,365
- Paul?
- Dad?

1395
01:08:02,440 --> 01:08:04,727
And well, we are
very happy to have you here.

1396
01:08:04,800 --> 01:08:07,610
I've got 3 grand on the Cowboys.
I could use a drinking buddy.

1397
01:08:07,920 --> 01:08:09,490
Yeah, I'd love a drink right now.

1398
01:08:10,320 --> 01:08:11,765
- Let's get a drink!
- Okay, great.

1399
01:08:13,320 --> 01:08:14,685
You scared them away.

1400
01:08:45,280 --> 01:08:46,406
Thanks.

1401
01:09:08,760 --> 01:09:09,886
What?

1402
01:09:24,240 --> 01:09:28,165
I have wanted to rip your clothes off
ever since you walked into this party.

1403
01:09:28,240 --> 01:09:31,562
Oh, my God, Grandma!
Your hands smell like stuffing!

1404
01:09:36,840 --> 01:09:39,411
Wait, wait. I don't know.
Should we do this right now?

1405
01:09:39,480 --> 01:09:40,811
What, you're gonna say no to sex?

1406
01:09:40,880 --> 01:09:42,320
No. I love sex.
I love sex with you.

1407
01:09:42,360 --> 01:09:45,523
But I'm saying, like,
'cause your family's out there and stuff.

1408
01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:46,840
And your dad is kind of...

1409
01:09:46,920 --> 01:09:50,163
You know what?
Maybe stop being such a pussy.

1410
01:09:52,120 --> 01:09:53,360
Okay.

1411
01:10:20,680 --> 01:10:22,364
Did you lock the door?

1412
01:10:22,480 --> 01:10:23,811
I think so.

1413
01:10:24,680 --> 01:10:26,489
You think so or you know so?

1414
01:10:26,560 --> 01:10:28,244
You came in after me.
You should have locked it.

1415
01:10:28,320 --> 01:10:29,401
Quiet.

1416
01:10:33,360 --> 01:10:36,011
I think it's your grandma.
She's coming for me.

1417
01:10:37,680 --> 01:10:39,728
I knew I shouldn't have given
her those flowers.

1418
01:10:39,800 --> 01:10:41,484
She's coming for me.

1419
01:10:53,360 --> 01:10:55,044
Jesus. What the fuck?

1420
01:10:55,120 --> 01:10:56,121
- Okay. Hey.
- Oh, my God!

1421
01:10:56,200 --> 01:10:58,441
- Hey, dude.
- What the fuck are you doing in here?

1422
01:10:58,520 --> 01:10:59,601
Don't look at my fucking dick, man!

1423
01:10:59,680 --> 01:11:01,409
Oh, my God. You guys are fucking?

1424
01:11:01,480 --> 01:11:02,527
It doesn't mean what you think it means.

1425
01:11:02,600 --> 01:11:03,640
- It doesn't?
- It doesn't?

1426
01:11:03,680 --> 01:11:04,920
No. It doesn't mean that.

1427
01:11:05,000 --> 01:11:06,968
What does our relationship
mean to you, Daniel?

1428
01:11:07,040 --> 01:11:09,168
Relationship?
You guys are in a relationship?

1429
01:11:09,240 --> 01:11:10,480
You didn't tell him?

1430
01:11:10,560 --> 01:11:12,289
You told me you told him!
You fucking lied to me.

1431
01:11:12,360 --> 01:11:16,251
What I should have said
in this situation was that I didn't.

1432
01:11:16,320 --> 01:11:17,446
- Of course.
- I didn't tell him.

1433
01:11:17,520 --> 01:11:19,761
- Jesus Christ, Daniel.
- We're not dating, okay? If that's what...

1434
01:11:19,840 --> 01:11:21,604
Oh, my God. Fuck you.

1435
01:11:22,200 --> 01:11:23,281
What the fuck?

1436
01:11:23,360 --> 01:11:24,441
- What the fuck?
- What the fuck?

1437
01:11:24,520 --> 01:11:26,045
What the fuck is right!
What are you doing here?

1438
01:11:26,120 --> 01:11:27,645
Jesus! Does no one
in this house lock a door?

1439
01:11:27,760 --> 01:11:29,728
- Where are you coming from?
- I was with Vera.

1440
01:11:29,840 --> 01:11:31,120
- What the fuck?
- What the fuck?

1441
01:11:31,160 --> 01:11:32,127
Your ex-wife?

1442
01:11:32,200 --> 01:11:34,885
- Why were you with Vera?
- 'Cause I was trying to work it out.

1443
01:11:34,960 --> 01:11:36,166
But it's over now.

1444
01:11:36,600 --> 01:11:37,965
- Oh, my God.
- Hey, man.

1445
01:11:38,360 --> 01:11:39,885
- Do not hug me with no pants on.
- Bring it here.

1446
01:11:39,960 --> 01:11:41,291
Do not hug me with no pants on.

1447
01:11:41,400 --> 01:11:43,004
You're right. Respect. Respect.

1448
01:11:43,080 --> 01:11:44,730
What were you doing trying
to work it out with Vera?

1449
01:11:44,800 --> 01:11:47,326
Because that's what I do, Jason.
I try to make things work.

1450
01:11:47,400 --> 01:11:48,640
But you wouldn't know anything about that

1451
01:11:48,720 --> 01:11:49,846
'cause you always playing shit safe.

1452
01:11:49,920 --> 01:11:51,046
No. Because we had a deal.

1453
01:11:51,160 --> 01:11:52,924
- We were staying single.
- Wait. Single?

1454
01:11:53,000 --> 01:11:54,126
It's a long story.
We'll talk about it later.

1455
01:11:54,200 --> 01:11:55,884
I didn't go to a funeral.
You both lied to me

1456
01:11:55,960 --> 01:11:58,201
I did that for you.
I did that for both of you.

1457
01:11:58,280 --> 01:12:00,328
Wait, wait, wait.
You didn't do any of this shit for us.

1458
01:12:00,400 --> 01:12:01,765
You do everything for you.

1459
01:12:01,920 --> 01:12:03,604
You want us to be just like Jason.

1460
01:12:03,680 --> 01:12:06,809
And I can't think of anything I want more
than to be nothing like you.

1461
01:12:06,880 --> 01:12:09,326
Your wife fucked some other dude
and you're mad at me.

1462
01:12:09,400 --> 01:12:11,562
- Man.
- You wanna say that again?

1463
01:12:11,680 --> 01:12:13,489
She might still be fucking this dude.

1464
01:12:13,720 --> 01:12:16,200
Stop it. You guys, stop it!
Get the fuck out!

1465
01:12:16,280 --> 01:12:17,281
Stop. Come on, man.

1466
01:12:17,400 --> 01:12:18,845
- Your dick is touching me, man!
- I'm sorry.

1467
01:12:18,920 --> 01:12:20,729
You know what? Fuck you guys!

1468
01:12:20,800 --> 01:12:23,644
I can go back to my life!
My roster, my fun!

1469
01:12:23,720 --> 01:12:25,927
All my shit! And do it without you!

1470
01:12:26,000 --> 01:12:29,163
Okay? We weren't getting into relationships!
That was the deal!

1471
01:12:30,080 --> 01:12:31,366
It really wasn't about anything other than

1472
01:12:31,440 --> 01:12:34,171
having my two best friends
and I back together again.

1473
01:12:34,240 --> 01:12:35,401
That was it.

1474
01:12:35,480 --> 01:12:37,323
Now look at the shit you guys are in!

1475
01:12:37,680 --> 01:12:39,125
You're a sad man.

1476
01:12:40,120 --> 01:12:42,122
Yeah. Fuck you, Mikey.

1477
01:12:44,520 --> 01:12:45,521
Wow.

1478
01:12:47,720 --> 01:12:49,324
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

1479
01:12:49,400 --> 01:12:51,289
Such a special time of year.

1480
01:14:15,600 --> 01:14:16,726
Ellie?

1481
01:14:17,200 --> 01:14:19,601
Hey.

1482
01:14:20,720 --> 01:14:22,051
Hey, look, I'd love to.

1483
01:14:22,120 --> 01:14:23,121
Love to what?

1484
01:14:23,200 --> 01:14:25,487
Get a coffee. Talk for a few hours.

1485
01:14:25,560 --> 01:14:27,801
- Get a drink after. Maybe some tequila?
- Jason.

1486
01:14:27,880 --> 01:14:28,847
What? Is that not what you just said?

1487
01:14:28,920 --> 01:14:30,763
I could have sworn
I just heard you say that you wanted to...

1488
01:14:30,840 --> 01:14:31,887
Jason.

1489
01:14:31,960 --> 01:14:33,041
What?

1490
01:14:41,800 --> 01:14:43,802
You weren't there for me.

1491
01:14:45,240 --> 01:14:48,403
On a day when I really, really needed you.

1492
01:14:52,360 --> 01:14:55,170
And being there for someone
when they need you?

1493
01:14:55,240 --> 01:15:00,121
That's all relationships are, Jason.

1494
01:15:04,080 --> 01:15:05,411
That's all they are.

1495
01:16:13,400 --> 01:16:14,845
You Okay?

1496
01:16:17,160 --> 01:16:18,400
Yeah, I'm fine.

1497
01:16:26,480 --> 01:16:28,209
I just can't...

1498
01:16:30,320 --> 01:16:32,607
Can't stop thinking about what she's doing.

1499
01:16:33,520 --> 01:16:34,965
Like, when I'm not there.

1500
01:16:38,520 --> 01:16:40,921
I know what the couch looks like
at her place.

1501
01:16:43,720 --> 01:16:49,204
I just can't stop imagining the different
people that are all sitting on it.

1502
01:16:50,480 --> 01:16:51,811
A guy.

1503
01:16:53,040 --> 01:16:54,371
A different guy.

1504
01:16:55,120 --> 01:16:56,360
A new guy.

1505
01:16:58,440 --> 01:17:00,124
Just every guy but me.

1506
01:17:01,280 --> 01:17:02,964
Sitting on that couch.

1507
01:17:10,040 --> 01:17:13,123
Well, it sounds to me like
you just need to get laid.

1508
01:17:21,880 --> 01:17:23,325
I know this is gonna sound crazy.

1509
01:17:23,400 --> 01:17:24,526
- Then don't say it.
- No.

1510
01:17:24,600 --> 01:17:28,650
This is gonna sound even more crazy,
given the new information.

1511
01:17:28,720 --> 01:17:29,960
No, listen.

1512
01:17:33,720 --> 01:17:35,051
I'm sorry. I can't do this.

1513
01:17:35,120 --> 01:17:36,451
Wow. What?

1514
01:17:39,920 --> 01:17:42,526
I'm just still getting over someone.

1515
01:17:42,920 --> 01:17:45,321
Come on.
You're gonna go full-girl with it?

1516
01:17:46,320 --> 01:17:49,767
I think I made a terrible mistake.

1517
01:17:51,360 --> 01:17:55,331
I know I can be selfish, arrogant,
distant and emotionally retarded.

1518
01:17:55,440 --> 01:17:56,965
I'm just gonna stop you right there because

1519
01:17:57,040 --> 01:18:01,045
whatever it is that you're doing right now
is not what we do.

1520
01:18:01,120 --> 01:18:03,691
I just needed somebody to talk to.

1521
01:18:03,760 --> 01:18:05,000
Jason?

1522
01:18:05,440 --> 01:18:07,488
Don't you have any friends?

1523
01:18:39,280 --> 01:18:40,884
These actually do go together.

1524
01:18:41,960 --> 01:18:43,485
Didn't see that coming.

1525
01:18:46,400 --> 01:18:47,640
I'm sorry.

1526
01:18:48,720 --> 01:18:49,801
I know.

1527
01:18:55,960 --> 01:18:57,007
I just...

1528
01:18:57,080 --> 01:18:59,560
I don't know, to be honest, I'm having
so much fun hanging out, you know,

1529
01:18:59,640 --> 01:19:02,166
and chasing girls.
And doing the thing and...

1530
01:19:02,920 --> 01:19:04,365
- "Doing the thing"?
- Yeah, I miss that.

1531
01:19:04,440 --> 01:19:06,204
And I'm not gonna be able to do that
if I'm with Chelsea.

1532
01:19:06,280 --> 01:19:07,441
You know that.

1533
01:19:07,600 --> 01:19:08,761
I know.

1534
01:19:08,880 --> 01:19:10,086
Okay.

1535
01:19:12,400 --> 01:19:13,925
Go tell her how you feel.

1536
01:19:14,000 --> 01:19:16,207
- Go make a scene.
- Yeah.

1537
01:19:16,280 --> 01:19:18,044
- Make a public spectacle.
- Yeah.

1538
01:19:18,120 --> 01:19:20,088
Dude. Go big. Do it like the movies.

1539
01:19:20,160 --> 01:19:21,161
Like the movies. Yeah.

1540
01:19:21,240 --> 01:19:22,480
- Like Jerry Maguire.
- I love that movie.

1541
01:19:22,560 --> 01:19:23,971
- I love that movie, man!
- So good.

1542
01:19:24,040 --> 01:19:25,371
- "You had me at hello."
- What?

1543
01:19:25,440 --> 01:19:26,885
- Don't ever do that again. Okay?
- Sorry.

1544
01:19:26,960 --> 01:19:28,371
But tell me what you love about her, man!

1545
01:19:28,440 --> 01:19:29,965
- What do you love about her?
- I love the way she laughs.

1546
01:19:30,040 --> 01:19:32,566
I like the way she fake laughs
when she knows that I need it.

1547
01:19:32,640 --> 01:19:34,881
- Yes.
- I love the way we fit together in bed.

1548
01:19:34,960 --> 01:19:37,008
Because we're the same height,
our crotches line up perfectly.

1549
01:19:37,080 --> 01:19:38,081
That's really good.

1550
01:19:38,160 --> 01:19:39,400
I love that about it!

1551
01:19:39,480 --> 01:19:40,606
I mean, what are the chances, right?

1552
01:19:40,680 --> 01:19:43,923
I love the way that she looks
in the morning.

1553
01:19:44,000 --> 01:19:45,809
Like at that exact moment
when she wakes up,

1554
01:19:45,880 --> 01:19:47,803
and her eyes just open
like two little butterflies.

1555
01:19:47,880 --> 01:19:49,166
- Two little...
- I love that!

1556
01:19:49,240 --> 01:19:50,287
I love that!

1557
01:19:50,360 --> 01:19:51,646
- Yeah, man.
- But I wouldn't go there.

1558
01:19:51,720 --> 01:19:53,290
- Yeah, I wouldn't do that.
- Okay.

1559
01:19:53,360 --> 01:19:54,441
- So run and tell her that.
- I'm gonna go.

1560
01:19:54,560 --> 01:19:56,130
Don't go all Notebook with it.
But run and tell her that.

1561
01:19:56,200 --> 01:19:57,406
- I'm doing it.
- Do it.

1562
01:19:57,520 --> 01:19:58,521
- I'm doing it.
- Do it, man.

1563
01:19:58,600 --> 01:19:59,726
- I'm going.
- Let's do it.

1564
01:19:59,800 --> 01:20:01,802
- I'm gonna do it!
- Man, you're doing it!

1565
01:20:02,520 --> 01:20:04,090
Oh, shit!

1566
01:20:04,160 --> 01:20:05,844
Oh, my God!

1567
01:20:06,320 --> 01:20:07,845
- Dude?
- Someone call 911!

1568
01:20:10,800 --> 01:20:14,407
You took, like, four bags of fluid.
You were severely dehydrated.

1569
01:20:15,920 --> 01:20:17,729
You need to be housebroken.

1570
01:20:20,360 --> 01:20:23,489
I mean, what the hell were you doing?

1571
01:20:23,560 --> 01:20:24,766
I was running.

1572
01:20:24,880 --> 01:20:25,927
Why?

1573
01:20:26,000 --> 01:20:27,240
Because I...

1574
01:20:28,400 --> 01:20:29,561
I'm sorry.

1575
01:20:29,640 --> 01:20:32,281
I'm really, really sorry.
I was running to tell you that I'm sorry.

1576
01:20:34,840 --> 01:20:37,320
And I should have told these guys
that we were dating.

1577
01:20:39,120 --> 01:20:42,249
- From the beginning, I told him that.
- We tried to convince him the whole time.

1578
01:20:42,320 --> 01:20:44,607
I want to date you, Chels.

1579
01:20:46,080 --> 01:20:48,560
Like... Like, really date you.

1580
01:20:50,280 --> 01:20:51,884
I want that, too.

1581
01:20:57,520 --> 01:20:59,124
You're such an idiot.

1582
01:21:08,520 --> 01:21:10,045
I'm out.

1583
01:21:17,800 --> 01:21:19,689
I was wondering if you'd call.

1584
01:21:19,760 --> 01:21:20,727
So?

1585
01:21:20,800 --> 01:21:22,484
I'd love to see you.

1586
01:21:22,560 --> 01:21:24,528
No, seriously, that took forever.

1587
01:21:26,720 --> 01:21:28,609
I'd love to see you again.

1588
01:21:29,800 --> 01:21:31,040
That's what I'm talking about.

1589
01:21:31,120 --> 01:21:33,282
Honestly? Who waits that long?

1590
01:21:33,360 --> 01:21:34,964
Yeah, that was my fault.

1591
01:22:01,880 --> 01:22:04,929
Fucking guy in the red hat.

1592
01:22:05,000 --> 01:22:06,650
Who the fuck are you?

1593
01:22:09,800 --> 01:22:11,848
Let's find more pictures of you.

1594
01:22:18,600 --> 01:22:19,647
Bingo.

1595
01:22:22,240 --> 01:22:24,208
Let's fucking look you up.

1596
01:22:26,240 --> 01:22:27,446
Bill.

1597
01:22:29,000 --> 01:22:31,924
What? William Matherson, restaurateur.

1598
01:22:32,000 --> 01:22:34,002
What a piece of shit this guy is.

1599
01:22:38,040 --> 01:22:40,088
Oh, my God. Dude.

1600
01:22:59,840 --> 01:23:01,600
I mean, honestly,
I just find it disgusting.

1601
01:23:01,640 --> 01:23:03,449
The way that you guys
embrace the single life.

1602
01:23:03,520 --> 01:23:05,010
The women? The carousing?

1603
01:23:05,080 --> 01:23:07,003
Carousing? Who are you? Cary Grant?

1604
01:23:07,080 --> 01:23:08,366
You've been in a relationship
all of two minutes.

1605
01:23:08,440 --> 01:23:10,283
And he is already a righteous asshole.

1606
01:23:10,480 --> 01:23:12,050
Guys, look, I'm just in love and shit.

1607
01:23:12,120 --> 01:23:16,842
And I've had a lot of time to sit and realize
how disgusting both of you are.

1608
01:23:16,920 --> 01:23:18,570
- Mostly you, Jason.
- What about me?

1609
01:23:18,680 --> 01:23:20,364
You're the worst.
You're pretty disgusting, too.

1610
01:23:20,440 --> 01:23:21,930
- You're gross.
- I'm a killer.

1611
01:23:22,120 --> 01:23:24,168
What the... Did you...

1612
01:23:25,240 --> 01:23:27,971
- Did you post a funny video on Ellie's wall?
- No.

1613
01:23:28,040 --> 01:23:31,567
Yes, you did, because
I'm looking at it right now, Jason!

1614
01:23:31,640 --> 01:23:33,768
What is it, funny cute?
Or is it just funny?

1615
01:23:33,840 --> 01:23:37,003
It is funny cute! Jason, you pussy!

1616
01:23:37,080 --> 01:23:38,764
You funny cute videoed her?

1617
01:23:38,840 --> 01:23:42,970
I... Yes. I guess. I don't freaking know...
I don't know what I'm doing, man.

1618
01:23:43,080 --> 01:23:45,048
Hey, man. I think he loves her.

1619
01:23:45,120 --> 01:23:47,327
- I think that's love!
- It sounds like love to me.

1620
01:23:47,400 --> 01:23:50,728
- I don't know, man. I don't know. Maybe I do.
- What do you mean, you don't know?

1621
01:23:53,440 --> 01:23:54,885
- Well, then you have to tell her.
- You have to.

1622
01:23:54,960 --> 01:23:56,405
- It'll be funny cute.
- Maybe I should tell her.

1623
01:23:56,480 --> 01:23:59,484
Which is right up your alley.
You love that shit.

1624
01:23:59,560 --> 01:24:00,800
Asshole.

1625
01:24:01,280 --> 01:24:03,009
I don't even know where to...

1626
01:24:03,080 --> 01:24:05,367
What's she doing? Let's stop by her place.
Where's she at right now?

1627
01:24:05,440 --> 01:24:07,681
Third Tuesday of the month.
She's at one of her readings.

1628
01:24:09,080 --> 01:24:10,764
That... That was some stalker shit.

1629
01:24:10,840 --> 01:24:12,046
That's creepy.

1630
01:24:12,120 --> 01:24:13,406
It's creepy that you know that.

1631
01:24:13,480 --> 01:24:16,051
- I mean, does anybody go?
- No! Nobody ever goes.

1632
01:24:16,120 --> 01:24:17,406
- Nobody ever shows up?
- Nobody.

1633
01:24:17,480 --> 01:24:19,801
Well, then, you are going to be the guy

1634
01:24:21,320 --> 01:24:23,209
who shows up.

1635
01:24:24,120 --> 01:24:27,727
"We pounded along,
my father's hand on top of the wheel."

1636
01:24:28,600 --> 01:24:29,840
Nobody ever shows up.

1637
01:24:30,120 --> 01:24:31,121
Yeah.

1638
01:24:31,280 --> 01:24:34,204
"I watched the bats crackle
and plunge against the sky.

1639
01:24:34,440 --> 01:24:35,930
"They never knew here.

1640
01:24:36,360 --> 01:24:39,125
"They only knew the echo of there."

1641
01:24:39,720 --> 01:24:40,721
Thank you.

1642
01:24:49,000 --> 01:24:50,525
Thank you, Ray Floreson.

1643
01:24:50,680 --> 01:24:51,681
I have to do something.

1644
01:24:51,760 --> 01:24:53,040
Does anybody have any questions?

1645
01:24:56,160 --> 01:24:57,844
- What should I do?
- Something.

1646
01:25:00,080 --> 01:25:02,526
Yeah. I have something
that I would like to read.

1647
01:25:04,880 --> 01:25:06,120
From my novel.

1648
01:25:06,440 --> 01:25:08,886
It's not really the kind of place
where you can share from your own work.

1649
01:25:09,040 --> 01:25:11,202
Thank you very much. Honor to be here.

1650
01:25:11,600 --> 01:25:12,840
This is good.

1651
01:25:15,760 --> 01:25:16,886
Tough act to follow.

1652
01:25:17,560 --> 01:25:19,050
Then don't.

1653
01:25:20,280 --> 01:25:21,441
I'm a big fan of your work.

1654
01:25:21,600 --> 01:25:23,204
I'm so sorry. I...

1655
01:25:23,720 --> 01:25:24,960
No. Please.

1656
01:25:40,040 --> 01:25:42,646
And then the other guy
asked to buy her a drink,

1657
01:25:42,800 --> 01:25:44,325
right as Jason walked up.

1658
01:25:44,840 --> 01:25:46,080
And so she asked that guy,

1659
01:25:47,400 --> 01:25:49,323
"What happens if I enjoy the drink?

1660
01:25:50,040 --> 01:25:51,246
"What happens then?"

1661
01:25:52,880 --> 01:25:55,804
And he pretended not to know the answer.
So she told him.

1662
01:25:56,760 --> 01:25:58,762
She asked if they would play beer pong

1663
01:25:58,960 --> 01:26:00,371
in that shitty bar with his friends

1664
01:26:00,520 --> 01:26:03,205
until they headed back
to his place in Murray Hill.

1665
01:26:03,920 --> 01:26:06,491
She asked if they'd have to
listen to his roommate

1666
01:26:06,560 --> 01:26:09,769
fuck Hilary or Emily,
or whatever her name was

1667
01:26:10,080 --> 01:26:11,445
till they fell asleep.

1668
01:26:12,600 --> 01:26:16,571
And she asked him if a year later,
they'd still be there in that bar.

1669
01:26:17,920 --> 01:26:21,606
The only difference being that
now he feels pressure to get married

1670
01:26:22,120 --> 01:26:25,488
and have kids, because he thinks
that that's what she wants.

1671
01:26:27,280 --> 01:26:28,805
And then in the summers,

1672
01:26:29,280 --> 01:26:31,123
they would drive up to the shitty Hamptons.

1673
01:26:32,800 --> 01:26:35,087
To meet his shitty parents.

1674
01:26:35,360 --> 01:26:38,125
Wondering the entire ride if they'd think
that she was pretty enough.

1675
01:26:39,280 --> 01:26:40,361
Smart.

1676
01:26:40,640 --> 01:26:43,166
Wondering the entire ride
if they think she's smart enough.

1677
01:26:44,160 --> 01:26:45,366
Because no one was.

1678
01:26:45,520 --> 01:26:47,363
And no one ever will be.

1679
01:26:53,680 --> 01:26:55,364
And Jason knew that now.

1680
01:26:57,280 --> 01:27:01,490
And he would give anything
to go back to that moment.

1681
01:27:03,560 --> 01:27:07,406
The moment where they first met.
Before anything went wrong.

1682
01:27:08,720 --> 01:27:13,886
Before he didn't show up for her
when she needed him most.

1683
01:27:15,000 --> 01:27:17,082
Before he understood that
being there for somebody

1684
01:27:17,240 --> 01:27:20,608
when it's most difficult is
really all that relationships are.

1685
01:27:22,320 --> 01:27:23,845
Jason knew that now.

1686
01:27:25,880 --> 01:27:30,010
And he was so sorry for what he had done.

1687
01:27:35,240 --> 01:27:37,561
But Jason also realized that
in that moment,

1688
01:27:38,240 --> 01:27:41,403
he wasn't afraid, because he

1689
01:27:43,640 --> 01:27:45,483
thought she wasn't the one.

1690
01:27:47,840 --> 01:27:51,322
He was absolutely terrified,
because he knew she was.

1691
01:27:55,560 --> 01:27:58,882
And if she could give him
just one more chance,

1692
01:28:01,720 --> 01:28:03,563
just one more chance,

1693
01:28:06,320 --> 01:28:07,924
she knew where to find him.

1694
01:28:42,840 --> 01:28:46,003
It's 2:18 in the morning
in the middle of February.

1695
01:28:46,840 --> 01:28:49,844
I've been sitting on a park bench
for almost four hours.

1696
01:28:52,160 --> 01:28:54,401
I'm fucking freezing.

1697
01:28:55,920 --> 01:28:57,684
Why am I sitting here?

1698
01:28:58,840 --> 01:29:01,207
Why am I still sitting on this bench?

1699
01:29:37,160 --> 01:29:38,969
So?

1700
01:29:51,800 --> 01:29:53,802
I didn't know you could change colors!

1701
01:29:53,920 --> 01:29:54,921
Just stop.

1702
01:29:55,000 --> 01:29:57,048
Your dick looks like a sad giraffe.

1703
01:29:57,280 --> 01:29:59,203
- Your dick looks like a shaved hamster.
- Stop.

1704
01:29:59,280 --> 01:30:00,281
Can you guys stop?

1705
01:30:00,600 --> 01:30:04,127
Your dick looks like my dick

1706
01:30:04,480 --> 01:30:08,007
if it were bigger and blacker.

1707
01:30:11,280 --> 01:30:12,281
Cut!

1708
01:30:13,200 --> 01:30:16,522
Did you friend that girl yet, Mikey?

1709
01:30:21,360 --> 01:30:22,691
Yeah. I told that assistant at Vogue

1710
01:30:22,760 --> 01:30:25,525
I couldn't hang out with her
'cause I was taking a shit.

1711
01:30:26,160 --> 01:30:28,845
Whoa. Look at that
fucking crazy bruise on my arm.

1712
01:30:29,000 --> 01:30:30,490
You see that bruise?

1713
01:30:32,160 --> 01:30:33,810
It's from fucking acting, bro.

1714
01:30:33,880 --> 01:30:34,881
Yeah.

1715
01:30:35,000 --> 01:30:36,081
Fuck you up.

1716
01:30:36,320 --> 01:30:39,290
Wait, I'm fucking this up.
Can we just do this one more time?

1717
01:30:39,840 --> 01:30:40,841
Let it go.

1718
01:30:41,000 --> 01:30:42,923
It's 'cause you're holding your
imaginary dick the whole time.

1719
01:30:43,040 --> 01:30:45,088
That might be it. Can I just whip it out?

1720
01:30:45,160 --> 01:30:47,481
Mike, we all know you're a two-hander.
So just, you know...

1721
01:30:47,560 --> 01:30:49,767
Oh, shit. He knows me.

1722
01:30:50,280 --> 01:30:53,284
That's not a nipple.
That's not my... That's a fake.

1723
01:30:53,360 --> 01:30:54,805
That's a sticker.
I don't have nipples like that.

1724
01:30:55,120 --> 01:30:57,930
So maybe I'm the best ever
receiving blowjob... Ever.

1725
01:30:58,080 --> 01:31:00,731
At receiving. Fucking mother sucker.

1726
01:31:00,960 --> 01:31:04,009
So maybe I'm the best ever
at receiving blow...

1727
01:31:04,400 --> 01:31:06,482
- There are no "evers" in the whole thing.
- What?

1728
01:31:06,640 --> 01:31:08,290
Can we just write it on her fucking head?

1729
01:31:08,400 --> 01:31:09,970
Maybe I'm the best ever.

1730
01:31:10,040 --> 01:31:11,041
No. No "ever."

1731
01:31:11,160 --> 01:31:17,645
Probably gave me the best blowjob ever,
in the recorded history of blowjobs.

1732
01:31:19,640 --> 01:31:22,644
"And she gave me perhaps the best blowjob
in recorded history."

1733
01:31:22,920 --> 01:31:24,570
There's no "ever."

1734
01:31:27,080 --> 01:31:28,320
What are you doing?

1735
01:31:28,400 --> 01:31:29,890
I ain't doing nothing.

1736
01:31:30,000 --> 01:31:31,001
Yes, you are.

1737
01:31:31,080 --> 01:31:34,209
I promise.
I'm acting satisfied. Okay? Jeez.

1738
01:31:34,360 --> 01:31:35,521
Oh, God.

1739
01:31:36,000 --> 01:31:37,001
"Doing the thing"?

1740
01:31:37,080 --> 01:31:39,686
Yeah, I miss that. And I'm not gonna
be able to do that if I'm with Chelsea.

1741
01:31:39,760 --> 01:31:42,604
I'm gonna miss, like,
sharing a mouth with you.

1742
01:31:45,160 --> 01:31:46,730
I miss that so much, man.

1743
01:31:49,440 --> 01:31:51,124
There's the paparazzi!

1744
01:31:51,320 --> 01:31:52,367
No way!

1745
01:31:53,840 --> 01:31:56,684
Oh, my God!
They're not even pointed at Miles!

1746
01:31:56,920 --> 01:31:57,967
Asshole!

1747
01:31:58,120 --> 01:31:59,690
Nobody cares about me, bro!

1748
01:32:01,640 --> 01:32:03,961
I might be really fucked up.

1749
01:32:04,640 --> 01:32:08,690
But I think Omar from The Wire
is sitting on our couch.

1750
01:32:13,240 --> 01:32:15,163
It's him! It's him!

1751
01:32:20,880 --> 01:32:21,881
Yes!